Can't stop thinking about how it's so easy for them to not talk to me, yet I become physically ill at even the idea of not having them around
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I feel so alone all the time and it's so tiring
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I know, I will lose you in the end – because I've always lost those dearest to me.
@buggedmind
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why do I always mess everything up? I truly believe I'm a bad person and all I do is bring suffering and pain to this world. especially to the people I love and care for. no matter how hard I try I'm always a failure.
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i think the worst part about bpd no one talks about is being self aware. being aware of it doesnt make it any better, if anything it makes it worse because of how frustrating it is. like i know that what im doing is a symptom, but i still cannot stop myself from doing it. yes, it does make me feel absolutely ridiculous that my entire mood and well-being depends on whether you say 'ok' or 'okay', but i literally do not have a choice.
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Sometimes I avoid talking to you - not because I don't love you anymore, but because I love you so much, and I'm damn scared of losing you. So I force myself not getting "too attached" to you to avoid the overwhelming pain when you leave.
(It doesn't really work, though.)
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