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#this is making me wonder what gender letter I am
shiny-jr · 6 months
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from POMEFIORE
- Warning: Yes, this is still a yandere thing. You have been warned. Gender-neutral reader. 
- Characters: Vil Schoenheit, Rook Hunt, Epel Felmier.
- Summary: (Continuation, after this “we just got a letter, wonder where it’s from”) You have barred them from entering the safety of Ramshackle Dorm, but they are determined to make their words reach you. Which is why the letters begin arriving at your doorstep.
- Note: Hoping its not too out of character.
Ignihyde   |   Pomefiore   |   Scarabia
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Perfume. The carefully sealed envelope reeked of it, like the sweet smell of lavender with spice. The envelope containing the message looked like something you would find when getting an invitation to a ball or a wedding. The envelope was pristine, and the wax sealing it was done so perfectly without a single awkward edge.
It almost looked unnatural with how perfect it appeared. The thick beige parchment was cut evenly, and not a blot of ink strayed from the elegantly curved cursive words that looked like ribbons upon the page. Looks could be deceiving. It was beautiful, but as you might've already guessed, the interior didn't entirely match what was hidden beneath the surface.
To my darling player,
I am at fault and take full responsibility for my actions.
All I've ever wished for, was to admire you. You are the epitome of magnificence, divinity that I can only dream to one day achieve but knowing I will never truly reach. There's an otherworldly sort of allure to you, which drew me in far too close. Much like the man who enhanced himself with wings of wax, but flew too close to the sun so his wings melted and he met a terrible fate. You are the sun, and I was that reckless fool with fake wings.
I allowed myself to get too close, tainting your light with my imperfect presence. Your grace was the warm sunlight on my skin, when everything around me was a horrible darkness. To think, I attempted to put out that light. It was nearly diminished. For that, I should be burned. I'm sorry, so so sorry.
I've thought long and hard on what I could possibly say to you, what sort of response could be adequate enough considering what you mean to me and the delicate situation. It didn't take long for me to arrive to the answer: no response is fitting. It doesn't matter if I pen a letter long enough to rival the river of tears I shed, coat the envelope in gold and ink of silver, with a message that would have moved the seven themselves to weep. It does not change the betrayal that occurred. I betrayed the trust you gave me, and shattered it into millions of pieces. However, know that I'll be on my hands and knees piecing it back together again, even if the shards cause me to bleed, you are worth it.
The stabbing sensation on my skin would be nothing compared to the one in my heart that I feel when I consider the fact that you might despise me. There's nothing more I would want than to see your face, hold your hands and feel the warmth of your skin that's so unlike the coldness of your vessel. Requesting a meeting would be imperious, as I have no right to ask you of this. But if I could, I would love to see you and discuss what comes next, perhaps over lunch. This is just a thought, a wish of mine, but one you are not required to fulfill.
I'd love to believe that I know you and your vessel better than anyone else could even dream of understanding, but I know that is far from the truth. Even as I pampered and polished your precious doll, your secrets continue to escape me. Did you ever hear me, when I brushed and washed Yuu's hair? When I took their freezing cold hands and painted their nails? When kneeled down in front of them to polish their shoes? When I adorned the best luxuries of brand accessories on their body?
I would kneel down to no one else.
There was always this wish, a dream of mine, that one day I might perhaps one day get to pamper you. Not Yuu. But you. Is that a scandalous desire?
Your hands would be warm, and I would hold them as I file your nails. Your arm wouldn't be so rigid and mechanical, you could actually extend it as I slather a creamy scented lotion along your skin. And if you do desired, I could lift your head and apply lipstick to your lips... This is just the process I commonly used while your vessel was under my care.
Although, I would gladly take up the responsibility of nursing you back to health, or any other role you would give me. There are countless things I can accomplish for you. I commonly deal in potent poisons, but I can just as well deal in healing and comforting. I'm skilled in self-defense and various forms of magic, so I can be your companion to protect you from everything that would wish you harm. You know of my business in acting and singing, so even if you wanted nothing else I could be there to entertain or serenade you. I only wish to be with you again, even though I know I'm underserving. I'm selfish.
If you want nothing more, then I have to be satisfied knowing I was in your thoughts for a brief moment. A twisted part of me wants your mind to be plagued by thoughts of me, just as my mind and heart is full of you.
I have to remind myself, that by getting too close I risk being burnt. But, at this point, I do not care for my own safety. I only care for yours, and I do this to keep my sanity. I truly admire you so much, that I cannot adore you from afar behind a rope like sculpture in a museum. I have to stand nearby, inspect your beauty, polish you to a shine, and value you like the priceless treasure that you are. Should someone threaten to chip off even the slightest speck on you, forcing you through more suffering...
I will shatter them into a million pieces, to preserve your peace.
Yours,
Vil Schoenheit
The wonderful aromatic smell that filled your nose brought back some not so pleasant memories. The smell of the earth beneath your feet, the scent of dew collected on every still surface, but above all were fragrant tangs that immediately alerted you to any nearby presence of a student belonging to Pomefiore.
They had chased you through those deep dark woods, like a pack of rabid hounds tracking and hunting a poor wounded rabbit. Besides their shouts and footfall, their perfume gave them away. There was one in particular which you only caught a whiff of only when you had too closely encountered the dormleader. The scent of lavender and spice hit your nose, the same fragrance on the letter.
"That reeks! Burn it!" A certain feline hissed, covering his little black nose with his paws. You swore the fragrance was beginning to form a migraine at the front of your skull. If the smell was strong for you, it must've been much worse for Grim since he had a superior sense of smell.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, if the smell wasn't that strong and it wasn't the particular scent. Like vanilla or freshly baked bread. If that were the case, Grim might've insisted on keeping it or even be tempted to take a bite out of the sheet.
But it was lavender and spice. So the letter was tossed into a corner several feet away, left to an unknown fate that you would ultimately decide later. When you glanced back to Grim, you saw him holding and sniffing another letter.
For a long moment his sniffed the rolled up paper, his black nose twitching as he was likely just searching for another gift to claim as a snack. After a few seconds, he discarded it, sliding it over to you before he opted to dig through the pile like a raccoon digging into a heap of trash. "Meh, this one smells boring."
"Boring, huh?"
Boring wouldn't exactly be your choice of adjectives to describe this letter. It wasn't an envelope, it was a scroll tied by ribbon, attached to an arrow. An arrow, of all things, was likely the messenger for this message. Thankfully, this one didn't smell of anything. Even without a fragrance to match to a profile, the arrow was a dead giveaway.
Opening it up and using your hands to smooth out the curled edges, you blatantly ignored the wax seal over the ribbon. Once it was fully unsealed, a few single flower petals drifted down from the paper. Just another mess you would sweep up later and decide whether to dispose of it or not, like the first letter from the dormleader. For this one you were a pinch anxious. The sender was not like the others who came before.
Trickster,
It relieves me to see that you are finally safe.
To see you rest and heal in tranquility, nothing steadies my anxiously beating heart more than knowing you are sheltered. Well guarded by a trio of ghosts and the courageous feline Grim, I have no need to stress over your wellbeing with them acting as your valiant knights in shining armor! Although, I would also wish to join their ranks, blessed by your grace and fit to serve as your shield. However...
I am conscious enough to know that I am nowhere near fitting, no matter how much I may wish to reach out and shield you from every evil. In that most vital moment, I had failed to recognize you. I may have spared you from the sharpness of my blade, but I couldn't have guarded you from the suffering that was to come afterwards.
I'm so deeply and truly sorry. Many sleepless nights have followed, since and even before our first fateful encounter in those woods of the Pomefiore estate. Before our encounter, I was conflicted. I wanted to detest you, but I could not, I thought there must be a reason this was all occurring. I couldn't slumber peacefully, so long as I knew there was turbulence surrounding your beloved vessel. After our encounter, I couldn't get the vision of you fragile, frightened, and wounded, out of my mind. Raising a blade against you, who were a stranger shrouded in infamy, made my very heart stop.
Now I know why I was so unexplainably drawn to you. It was not due to the wild frenzy that overtook the entire campus, or a burning hatred to destroy, or even my own desire to discover answers I desperately wanted, although that last one may have played a role. The reason as to I was so enticed by you, a cunning 'imposter,' was because my heart recognized you. It must have been my very soul that pulled me towards you, and perhaps my own nature as well. My body recognized you, my heart and my soul led me to you, but I was blinded by my sorrows.
Throughout the few years I've had on this wonderful earth, I've seen countless peoples, and you are unlike any of which I've seen. In the places I've been, I have witnessed poetry be written by masters of literacy, melodies sung by the most angelic voices ever heard on a stage, and devoted worshippers in holy places kneel in solemn prayer. Somehow you as a single being, or entity, encompass all those elements into one. My aim is to admire beauty, and I see beauty in its finest form when I look at you.
I truly understand what you mean to me, and to others.
But at the same time, you remain a mystery. And I believe I'm speaking for all those who admire you when I say this. We could only dream of truly understanding you, when we only had Yuu.
So, I try to make sense of it all in what I do understand, in the beautiful things I adore that I associate with you who I cherish. In literature, music, photography, I see you in everything all at once. When I read poetic lines, I think I could share it with you. When I hear beautiful music, I imagine you might enjoy listening to the tune too. When I discover stunning sceneries, I plan to bring you there someday to share a moment with you.
Now, I can make sense of it. I understand how the poets of old felt as they penned the love and awe they felt towards the Fairest Queen. It's a rare sentiment that cannot easily be put into words, a feeling as if it held my delicate heart and squeezed when I so much as thought of you. When a song and its composer can bring an audience to tears, I understand that now too. Hearing your voice for the first time, formed a knot in my throat that prevented me from saying much. Catching that first glimpse of you, was like gazing at a perfect painted portrait hanging in a museum.
My dearest player, I am a Hunt. I am naturally inquisitive by nature, and my fondness for you comes just as naturally. You may consider it wrong, but I will continue to offer my loyalty even if you may not accept it.
My aim is to one day unlock your secrets, solve your mysteries, and understand you fully, learn what makes you tick and what drives you forward. Perhaps when the day comes when you've forgiven me for my crimes, I can proudly stand in your presence and recite the poems I have written in your name. I could admire you everyday from then on, and remind you everyday of your worth. Then, I will protect you, from all harm, and I will not allow myself to fail you once again. This is a promise.
Should you need me, I will be there.
Yours,
Rook Hunt
There was something that felt... off. Compared to some of the previous letters, these were rather tame. Of course, there was the desperation and fascination evident in their words captured by the ink, but it was nowhere near as extreme as other cases.
Although, it was still chilling, to read the thoughts they penned.
In your hand you held the arrow the letter had been connected to, feeling its thin shape and the sharpened head at its tip that nearly pricked your finger. The vice dormleader had excellent aim, and had he not been so kind, arrows like this one in your hand could've easily been driven through your flesh and caught you against a tree where you would've been helpless in their grasps.
And yet, despite the opportunities he had, he didn't let a single weapon touch you. All it would take was one arrow, one moment and he could've ended you where you stood. But he spared you. However, there's the lingering doubt that maybe the primary reason he did it was he hoped you had answers to the malfunctioning vessel. You couldn't be sure exactly why he spared you, when everyone had wanted to torment and imprison you or worse.
Beside you, there's a large crunch and a content purr. When you look over, there's Grim, happily munching away on an apple he held with his little paws. He sank his fangs into the fruit, content that he finally found an offering that appeased him. In front of him was a small basket, filled with more juicy red apples.
"These are great! And, even though I was the one who found them, I'll let you have some!" Grim picked up another apple from the basket, sticking his claws into the red peel and offering it with his little grin. Nevermind the fact that these were probably meant as a gift for you and not for him, but you didn't mind. They would have likely ended up in the trash anyways, at least someone could enjoy them.
"You should really have one. You haven't eaten all day."
"I'm not hungry, but thanks. You can have them." Ever since everything happened, you weren't too keen on accepting gifts, especially if they were consumable. For now, the only places you'd accept food from, was the cafeteria you'd venture too at the dead of night when no one was there, or Sam's shop.
In the spot of the basket where Grim had removed the apple, there was a white layer at the bottom of the basket. Perplexed, you reached in and found an envelope hidden by the piled apples.
Unsurprisingly, the envelope smelled of sweet things, apples, cinnamon, and freshly baked pies. The envelope itself was nothing special, it had no intricate wax seal or marking. It was loosely sealed shut by a brown piece of string, and covered in some white and pink apples blossoms.
The inside was less impressive, more authentic, which was refreshing in a way. Smooth cursive flowed into slightly choppy print scrawled out in uneven lines, before eventually returning back to cursive at the end of some sentences. It appears parts were rushed judging by the blotted ink stains at multiple periods. The apples were a clue as to who the sender may be, but why would the letter be hidden in a gift?
Dear Player,
If you're reading this, that means my letter got through.
Where do I even start? It seems right that I first say sorry. I'm sorry. It sounds like a load of bull, but I am sorry. Apologizing in all these other ways, won't make this any better, so, I thought this might help. I'm gonna be completely honest with you, no lies, no tricks, just the blunt truth. I'm not going to be showing you these pretty sides I polished to impress and to mask all the ugly. I'll tell you everything that's been going on. That's something only I have the guts to do.
The reason I hid this letter was because Vil and Rook have been checking anything I want to write to you. They want to keep up this positive front, they wanna at least pretend to be perfect enough to be near you. At least, that's what I think. Although I know we won't ever come close to that.
Instead of trying to write a real and honest letter for you, it feels like I was writing some essay for Professor Trein to grade. I'd have to write and write, and even if the grammar was right, the message wasn't. They want to make you think everything's okay, when it's not. I can only imagine what elegant crap they were spewing in their own fancy letters, while we're actually all a mess. We've been like this since Yuu broke down. I try to understand them, and in a way I do, but sometimes they freak me out. Yeah, I got my own problems trying to comprehend all this chaos, but they're different.
Is everyone else in the other dorms this extreme? This miserable and on the verge of breaking? Maybe you won't believe me, or maybe you'll realize that there's some truth to what I'm saying. Here, in Pomefiore, I can only tell you what I've seen. These days, Rook's smile seems strained, like he's about to snap, his eyes are sharp and watchful. The only time his smile is normal is when he's looking at some photo, but he won't ever let me see what it is. Vil, well, the only sign he's still alive and kicking are the packages that come in for him, new makeup and all that stuff, things he's using to craft that perfect mask. I did see him one night out in the hall, I swear there was mascara down his face but I was too put off to approach when he was like that.
Don't ever tell them I told you all this. Vil would probably skin me alive and wear me as a robe, and Rook... I don't want to think about what he would do... I'm kidding by the way, but seriously, don't ever tell them. I told you I would be honest to you, so here's my reason. I thought that maybe telling you all this would score me points with you, get you to trust me again. Even if this is a rotten way to go about it, I don't care.
I am rotten, and I won't hide it like them.
If I can't even be honest with you, then do I really deserve a second chance at all?
Scratch that. I don't deserve a second chance at all after everything that happened. What I did was downright terrible, but I'm trying my damnedest to be deserving again. And I won't stop trying, even if part of me thinks it's useless. I never cared for Yuu, the only reason I acted for them was because it was you behind them. My goal is to eventually be beside you, the real you.
Although, a basket of apples is a crummy way to go about things, but think of it like a peace offering. Just cause I can't get word to you, don't mean I give up. I'm not giving up. Ever. Everyone's going about their own roundabout ways of mending things. If you want to hear more, I'll gladly tell you. I don't think anyone else would tell you the truth of what's happening, because in a sense everyone wants to appeal to you with the best image of themselves they can possible portray. Don't believe all the hogwash they send you. If whoever sends something and seems to be stable, they're not. Not completely.
I'm awfully ashamed to admit it, but I'm not okay. Not since everything started, and not since everything went to hell when shit hit the fan. I'm not okay without you, and I got myself to blame for that.
This letter is helping. The thought of communicating with you again, even if I can't see your face or hear your voice and its reduced to words on paper, it's more than I could ask for. So, if you want me to spill the beans, just ask. If not, if there's no response, well, I'll get a bit of comfort thinking you might've read this. Besides, I have hope with each attempt I'll make. I'm not just rottenly selfish, I'm stubborn to a fault. And if I have to knock down someone else's chances to get closer, then that's fine by me.
All you gotta do is talk to me.
Until then, hoping to speak to you soon,
Epel Felmier
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sundrop-writes · 2 months
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Hiii !! I wanted to request a reaction for Derek, Emily and Spencer
When Single Parent! Reader (GN is fine !!) has to bring their daughter to the BAU for a little bit and she won't stop following the Character around and doesn't want to leave "her new friend" when its time to go? Thank you sm in advance if you write it !! 💕💕
i might swing by later with a dif request, this was the first thing my sleep ridden brain blessed me with ;p
I love this so much (I have been in such a parent fic mood since writing the Dad Spence fic, Star thank you so much) - I think this idea is so adorable, I love it!!!
(I wrote Derek's part and then trailed off and left this in my drafts for a few days, so sorry if there's a huge disconnect between the characters' parts. Ooops.)
Requests are currently - OPEN
How would Derek Morgan, Emily Prentiss, and Spencer Reid react to your daughter becoming attached to them? (Derek, Emily, and Spencer x GN!Reader)
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Warnings: mentions of corporate/white collar crimes (embezzlement, etc.); mentions of the reader being threatened by white collar criminals, mentions of criminals threatening to kill a child; as it says in the title, the reader has a daughter but the reader's gender is not described in any way; surprisingly, for this one, I didn't give the daughter a name. idk, I think that's it. (Edit: now fixed so that the reader is actually fully GN and I am so sorry about the mistake before!!!)
It was a pretty basic case. You were an attorney working on a large company merger - you had found evidence of millions of dollars being embezzled, and when you had copied the files with the intention of bringing them to the IRS, you had started receiving threatening letters. It weighed on your conscience - you knew that the men who ran the company had more than enough money and resources to make you disappear, likely leaving your daughter an orphan, leaving her to wonder what had happened to you for the rest of her life. When you received another letter with photos of your daughter at her preschool attached, now threatening her - you had made your decision fully.
You took your files and evidence to the BAU - you had met Rossi at a seminar he gave, talking about how sociopathy is incredibly common in corporate circles - how sociopaths do very well in corporate jobs due to their driven, goal oriented, emotionless nature. And warning signs to look out for if someone is using those traits to cross into dangerous territory. It was a seminar you had gone to out of curiosity, but you were glad that you had taken his card and you were able to contact him now.
He invited you to the BAU, and the team offered to take your case - to find out who was threatening you and bring them to justice.
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Derek found you incredibly beautiful.
He was intrigued by your looks at first, and when Hotch mentioned that someone needed to interview you and get the full details from you in order for the team to get a better perspective on the case, Derek volunteered immediately. He hadn't gotten a full briefing - too eager to get to talk to you.
He came into the room with a bottle of water for you, looking to comfort you with his smile and his charms, and he was surprised when Penelope came back into the room and a small girl came barreling toward you, incredibly excited to tell you that she had gotten M&Ms from the vending machine (which Penelope had taken her to).
Typically, Derek didn't go for people who had kids. Any other time, with any other person - it would have immediately turned him off. It would have dampened your attractiveness in his eyes. He generally had a 'no single parents' policy, because he thought that dating someone with kids was just a lot of baggage. But seeing you - he was immediately taken with you. And seeing you with your daughter, somehow made you instantly more attractive.
And he thought the way that you scooped your daughter up into your lap and let her feed you M&Ms with her chubby little fingers was all too cute. It was unprofessional, but the case definitely wasn't the only thing on his mind that day.
Penelope took your daughter out of the room again while Derek interviewed you, and it was only when you spoke of the fear you felt for your daughter - the potential of her being her by the anonymous person, that you actually teared up. Derek couldn't help but to pull you in close, holding you tight in an effort to comfort you (secretly loving how tightly you hugged him back) - and it was in that moment that he vowed to himself that he would do whatever it took to protect you and your child. He would always keep the two of you out of harm's way.
And he certainly tried his hardest to accommodate your daughter when he found out that the two of you would be sticking around the office for the day - to ensure that you would be protected until the team found out who had sent the threats. He got her a kids meal with a toy when he ordered lunch, he knew there wasn't much in the office in the way of "toys" - but he swung by Garcia's office borrowed something she had that was fuzzy and lights up (with the promise of returning it) and he scrounged up a blank pad of paper and some coloured pens so your daughter could have something to do.
It wasn't surprising when she excitedly ran over to his desk and gave him a picture she had drawn of him - a very cartoonish muscled man with his same facial hair and an eggish bald head. His exaggerated features in the picture made you and Morgan laugh, and before you left the BAU for the day (when your safety was assured and the local police were on their way to arrest the men who had made the threats to you) - you found a different pen and wrote your number on the bottom corner of the picture for him.
He knew that something in you had changed him when he started thinking about taking you on a first date in the park - something your daughter could enjoy as well, rather than considering what bar or late night restaurant he was going to take you to.
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Emily was surprised by the entire thing.
She hadn't been around children since, well - she was one. Due to events in her past, and due to the way her mother treated her, she never imagined herself being a parent. Ever. She was someone who thought that she was just naturally terrible with kids, like her own mom was. She hadn't met the person she thought that she could settle down with, so she never thought that kids were in the cards for her. So it definitely caught her off guard when your daughter seemed to take to her like a duck to water.
It was in her natural instinct to comfort you. You were so shaken up about the whole thing, the anonymous danger lurking in your life - and she took some extra time to assure you that things were going to be okay, that the team was the best, and they were going to catch whoever was doing this.
She thought it was a natural kindness to get down on your daughter's level and ask what she was playing with, to compliment her cute little doll and then take her down the hallway to grab a snack to give you a few minutes to breathe. The little girl was sweet and Emily didn't mind spending some extra time with her.
On their way back along, your daughter plucked a crossword puzzle book off Emily's desk and asked what it was, and Emily explained it - so then she took a few minutes to find some crosswords for children online and printed them out, and when she came to delivery them, alone with some pens, your daughter enthusiastically asked if Emily would sit and 'show her' - and while you said that Emily was busy and had other work to do, Emily shrugged and said she had a few minutes to spare. Again, she thought it was common manners, sitting with the girl on her lap while she guided her through the puzzles, praising her intellect when she got the answers right.
She didn't see the way you were looking at the pair, pure affection bubbling up in your eyes.
When the day was over, and it was cleared as safe for you and your daughter to return home, the little girl let out a loud complaint that she didn't want to leave her 'new friend Emily' - and Emily couldn't have predicted the way that those words tugged at something in her chest. She didn't know what led her to kneeling down at the girl's level, promising to see her that weekend when she had a free day - that was, if you didn't mind. Getting nothing but a bright smile from you, and feeling a certain spark there.
(She had to resist the urge to punch Morgan in the ribs when she walked back to her desk to nothing but teasing, how she was getting 'the whole family package' on 'her first date'.)
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Spencer found the whole thing (secretly) adorable.
It is no secret that Spencer loves kids. He is very good with kids, and it's clear by the way he acts around kids that he definitely wants kids of his own someday. He hasn't met 'the one' yet - the person that he's going to have kids with. Whether that's through the natural, old-fashioned way or through adoption. But he did always imagine that if he raised kids of his own, it would be from infancy.
He never imagined that the person he was meant to be with would stumble into his life with a child that was already walking and talking - but when he met you and your daughter, it felt so right. Even if the circumstances were a bit dark.
He interviewed you about the whole situation, and when you apologized for crying and getting emotional, he was quick to assure you that it was natural - you were shaking, and though Spencer was usually someone to avoid touch, he found his need to hold you so overwhelming. He didn't regret his choice to wrap his arms around you when you hugged him back tightly.
When your daughter burst into the room (no longer occupied making paper airplanes with Emily and JJ), she was quick to ask why you were crying, extending out a small chubby finger to point at you, seemingly warbling with half-baked tears of her own at seeing you so upset. Spencer knelt down and assured her that everything was going to be okay, and then he moved to distract her by taking the little paper airplane out of her hand and telling her that he knew a trick to make it fly so much farther.
And he did. It was simple aerodynamics and folding techniques. And then they stood near the top of the bullpen, silently trying to get Morgan to look up by flying planes onto his desk - and the man couldn't bring himself to get too mad when he heard childish giggling coming from your daughter every few minutes.
You truly felt those butterflies for Spencer turn into more when he showed your daughter a trick that ended with a fake flower somehow coming out of his sleeve - something feathery and pink that he tucked behind her ear for her to keep, having her smiling and laughing brightly on a day where you had been wracked with worry, fearing for her life.
By the time the day was over and both of your safety was assured, you weren't surprised that she didn't want to leave him. And you made the bold move, telling him (rather than asking him) - that he should come over for dinner and a movie on Saturday, and then leaning over to gently whisper in his ear that the two of you could enjoy a another, more adult flick after your daughter was tucked into bed. Your daughter was too excited at the prospect of seeing Spencer again, tugging on his pant leg, waiting for him to agree - and he was speechless at the implications of what you had said.
He couldn't even think of the word 'no' if he tried.
So, it was a date, then.
Criminal Minds Masterlist
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gravestrain · 3 months
Text
And he feels like home (j. hughes)
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Happy winter fic exchange! @one-night-story I am so thrilled to be able to have written this for you! I hope I created something that you love that you feel fully represented in and safe to read. 🩷
Demi @wyattjohnston, thank you as always for creating such a wonderful event for our community. Your hard work for these exchanges will never go unnoticed by me, I appreciate you so much.
And thank you to @thomasschabot for proofreading this for me and making sure it was accessible for all to read, I appreciate you so much my friend!
Title was taken from long story short by Taylor Swift. This is 4.7k words, gender neutral reader. It has been double checked by lovely c to ensure that it is safe for all to read <3
new neighbor
You considered yourself to be a very patient person. You were also extremely understanding. You didn't get upset or frustrated by much. You were a good person, sometimes you allowed people to get away with things for their own sake, even if it inconvenienced you in anyway. But at this point, you had had enough.
Since you moved into your apartment in August, you could probably count on one hand the amount of times you had talked to your neighbors. You were in the corner apartment, the last at the end of the hall, your only neighbors being two young men who you presumed to be brothers.
You ran into them a few times in the hallway, the two of them hardly ever separated. You knew they left in the mid afternoon, usually in suits. You assumed it was for work, but you never felt inclined to ask. They usually look rushed, the older one pestering the younger one to "hurry up" as he got out the door.
It was only this week that you had learned their names. A piece of their mail had accidentally been dropped in your box. The name addressed as "Jack Hughes." You contemplated what to do with it, standing at their door with the letter in your hands for a few minutes when the door suddenly burst open, the younger brother opening the door.
"Oh! Hello," he muttered out awkwardly. Neither of you had known the other's name, but you both knew each other as neighbors. "Hi! Are you Jack?" You asked awkwardly, not holding out the card, making your question seem like a random inquiry. "No, I'm Luke, Jack is my brother. Why do you ask? Do you need something?" He asked in an almost bothered tone, as if people frequently came to him asking for unwanted favors.
"Oh! Duh. A piece of Jack's mail got put in my box by accident. I assume it's okay if I drop it with you?" You asked, making you almost instantly face palm. "Yep, that works. Anyway, I'm late to something. Thanks for dropping it off..." He mumbled off at the end, not knowing what to insert for your name. You told him your name, and that was that.
That was earlier this week. This was now Friday. Occasionally, you could tell that they had some small parties. Nothing too outlandish for an apartment building that shared thin walls, but a decent amount of people resulting in a louder volume. You were young yourself, you were never going to complain for a small amount of volume on the occasional Saturday night. This however, had been far too much.
You swear this was the 3rd night in a row of their little parties, and you had dealt with far too much. It was mid April, you were studying for a big exam you had. Part of your move in August was to signal the start of your journey to get your masters degree. You were almost done with the semester, just a few big exams in between, this being one of them. You knew that it seemed a little lame, studying for exams on a Friday night, but part of the move was moving to New Jersey where there was a school that was one of the best in the country for your intended major, not super close to home. With all of your studying and academic work, including working to pay for the apartment and schooling, you didn't have much time to socialize. You had gone to coffee with some people from your classes, but not much beyond that, not enough to warrant Friday night plans towards the end of the semester.
Slamming your textbook, you decided you had officially reached your limit. You paced back and forth a bit, trying to calm down a bit in an attempt to hopefully not absolutely lose it on your neighbor. It wasn't that late, but you had been studying all day with minimal breaks. You couldn't see the end of the studying in sight if your neighbors kept the music at the volume they had. You wondered how the people on the other side of them weren't bothered by the noise, but then again you had probably seen them even less than you had seen Jack and Luke.
You slipped your feet into the pair of shoes closest to the door, banging on the door in an attempt for them to hear it over the blaring music. You took a small step back when a man you didn't recognize answered the door. "Can I help you?" A dark haired man with an accent asked. Before you could open your mouth, a very energetic Jack came bustling towards the door. "Y/N! To what do I owe this pleasure?" He asked with a charming smile, almost causing your reserve to break down. But when your brain came back after the sound of the music blared through your ears, you remembered why you were over here.
"Do you know what time it is?" You asked, crossing your arms over your chest. "It's only 11. It's a Friday night. But based on your casual attire, I doubt that matters much to you," Jack quipped at your casual pajamas. "For your information, Jack, I'm studying for a big exam. Clearly you don't know much about that." You snapped back.
"For your information, my team just made the playoffs. We have a lot to celebrate." Jack flexed, causing his chest to puff out a bit. "I don't care which of your beer league teams made the playoffs, but I would really like to pass my first year of my masters program and not have to repeat. That is, after all, how I ended up here, as your neighbor." You were starting to lose your patience, and instead of Jack surrendering, he started laughing.
"Beer league, huh. Do you not know?" You rolled your eyes. "If this is your attempt at a 'Do you know who I am?' moment, you're failing severely. Or even better, if it's going to be a 'do you know who my father is?' Just save me the time, I have an exam to study for," you had one foot out the door when Jack grabbed your arm, stopping you in your tracks.
"Relax, I just figured you knew because that seems to be all anyone wants from us who lives in this building. Favors relating to our job. Luke and I play for the New Jersey Devils, the NHL team around here. It's okay that you don't know, however I hope now that you do, you'll choose us to be your favorite team." Jack smirked at you, causing you to giggle, which resulted in you immediately covering your mouth. What was happening to you? You didn't giggle over charming guys.
"Oh, did you guys win or something? Seems like an awfully long time to be celebrating one win," you quipped. "We made it into the playoffs. We are the number one seed. We've been celebrating for a few days because we have a bit of time off. I am sorry, it is probably excessive. We'll turn it down and remind the guys that we aren't the only ones who live here." Jack put his tail between his legs. You did feel a bit bad, but you were glad the noise was going to at least quiet down.
"I hope I didn't come off like a jerk, I just got flustered. I know you didn't know. I shouldn't have come over attacking." You muttered, causing Jack to smile.
"I'll accept your apology on one condition. Do you think you can find some time in your busy finals schedule to come to one of our games? I can get you more details when the playoffs schedule comes out, but I would it if you could come. I think Luke might be a little jealous that I softened you up first, but it just adds for some more bragging rights on the kid."
You couldn't believe your ears. Your cute, albeit a little clueless neighbor, was not only a professional athlete, but he was also asking you on a date if you weren't mistaken.
"Well Jack, I'd love to, but you just better hope I pass this exam." You smiled, feeling your cheeks heat up.
"Good thing we're gonna turn the volume down."
2. first game
What do you wear to a hockey game that you were invited to by your neighbor who you have only talked to a few times but you think he may have been awkwardly potentially flirting with you when he invited you?
You were digging through your closet, looking for something appropriate to wear for probably one of the most awkward, unique events you have ever been to. You can't say that you had ever been to a professional hockey game. You weren't clueless to the rules and such, you just never had the opportunity to attend one in person.
Not to mention, you were going alone. You only had a few casual friends at school through this point in the year, and it didn't feel appropriate to bring any of them to this... interesting event you were going to. Plus, you were certain that you would be wrapped up in the game. You were nervous enough as is, and you can't imagine if you had to sit there and make awkward small talk with one of your classmates who might be able to say what your last name is.
Sitting in the uber on the way there made you start to question your choice of agreeing to go to the game. You had no idea how this would go other than you knew that Jack had slipped the ticket under your door earlier this morning and written on it was instructions on how to get to the gate. One thing that caused your cheeks to heat was that on the bottom of the post it note, was his phone number.
This made it feel almost official in a way, having his phone number. Before you could dwell on it too much, your uber pulled up to the door that Jack directed you to. You thanked the driver and walked in to the stadium, immediately overwhelmed by everything. For a second you considered turning around and making something up to Jack that you were sick, but when you took a second to look around, you saw so many happy people with Jack's last name plastered across their backs, number 86 standing proudly. You felt a sense of pride for Jack, though you weren't sure how to feel about that.
That sense of pride never went away once the game started. Your eyes were on Jack from the second his feet touched the ice, and the moment he sat on the bench. Your eyes followed him all the way to the bench, wishing the time he wasn't on the ice would go faster. You wondered why you had never been interested on hockey. Jack was so talented, and the game ended with him scoring a goal and getting two assists. You thought for a second that he was looking up at you when he scored, but you shook your head quickly to rid your brain of those thoughts.
As the game ended, it suddenly occurred to you that you weren't sure how this would end. You sat in your seat for a while letting the seats clear out, preparing to walk towards the gate that you entered in, opening the uber app. As soon as your phone unlocked, a message from Jack popped up on your phone.
"Meet me outside," it read. "I'd like to take you to dinner and drive you home. I'll meet you by the gate you entered in."
Your cheeks flushed at his admission, suddenly looking down at your outfit. Was this appropriate for a dinner date? You were not planning on this at all. You checked what you looked like in the front camera of your phone. Before you could decide whether or not you looked appropriate, you heard a familiar laugh. Your chest warmed at the idea that his laugh could be so familiar, so homey despite the fact that the two of you had not spent much time together.
Jack's feet sped up as he caught up to you, just excited to see you after a great win. His smile was contagious when he saw you standing there, staring at your sneakers in an attempt to not be noticed by the rest of the guys who might ask questions.
In the end, it wasn't Jack who spoke up first. It was Luke. "Y/N! I'm so glad you came! I wanted to score for you, but unfortunately this guy beat me to it," he smiled, throwing an arm around your shoulders. You tried to relax into his arms, telling yourself this was a new normal in your life. Casual banter with your neighbors who just so happen to be professional athletes making millions of dollars.
"Hey back off, I invited them. You dropped the ball. Your turn is up, by the way," Jack muttered, causing Luke to give a quizzical look. Taking advantage of Luke's moment of confusion, Jack sneaks around him and puts his arms around you, squeezing you tightly. A noise of surprise comes out of your mouth. Not discomfort, just surprise at his sudden display of physical affection. "That was awesome!" Jack yelled. "Did you have so much fun?" He asked, pulling away to see your face looking up at him.
"Well it would have been more fun if Luke scored for me but I guess I'll settle for your points," you teased. He smiled, his cheeks turning red at your teasing. "Y/N, is Jack blushing? Did you turn him into a shy mess?" Luke teased and Jack groaned, hiding his face in your shoulder. "I just want to impress you," he smiled which caused your entire body to heat up. It never occurred to you that he wanted to impress you. That you were there because he wanted you to be impressed with his game and how he played.
"Well don't worry, I was thoroughly impressed. Would you like to go to dinner now?" You asked. "Am I invited? Is this like a neighborly get together?" Luke was now teasing you both, causing both of you to get bashful. "Dude, clearly this is a date," Jack mumbled, causing your eyebrows to raise. "Clearly? Is that what we're calling it now. I mean I certainly thought it was, but you never asked me." You and Luke were truly just having fun with the teasing now.
"Jack, it's not very gentlemanly to assume it's a date. You really should ask, especially with someone like Y/N. They're a catch!" Jack was glaring daggers into Luke. "Yes, I should. Y/N, I would like tonight to be a date. Will you go out on a date with me?" Jack asked, grabbing your hand in his. You were grinning, nodding your head. "Well then, Luke I think it's past your bedtime. Why don't you go home with Holtzy and I will take Y/N out for dinner?" Luke shook his head, giggling. "Wouldn't you like that," he laughed. "Luke-" "Fine! Fine! I'm done. I'll go. Y/N, it was a pleasure to laugh with you. You kids enjoy yourself."
"I have a feeling we will."
3. first (real) date
Your dinner with Jack was perfect. You finally got the news back that you had passed the exam you were stressing about, and to celebrate, you got your favorite take out and watched Jack's game on the couch with a glass of wine. It was strange, to whole heartedly notice his absence when him and Luke were away for games. Right now, they were on a short West coast road trip, Denver, Arizona, and Seattle, and then heading back home for a few days off before a home game.
This was their last game being gone, and you found yourself waiting hopefully for Jack to come back. You had been texting a lot on the road trip, Jack even calling you once after he crawled into the empty bed next to Jesper's bed. According to Jack, his friend, teammate, and road roommate Jesper slept like the dead, even going as far as to wearing headphones when he slept, so there was no concern of the call waking him up. That didn't stop you from keeping your voice to a low volume, which Jack of course countered by yelling an obnoxious "What was that?" whenever he couldn't hear you.
After a Devils win, you crawled into bed for the night, finding yourself thinking of Jack, and how you couldn't wait to see him. You were in so deep.
------
As you cleaned up the remnants of your late afternoon lunch, a knock sounded on your door. You had a feeling you knew who it was, but you still checked the peephole to see Jack's face on the other side, nervously rocking back and forth on his feet, holding something in his hand.
Flowers.
"Hi, it's so good to see you!" You smiled, welcoming him inside. "These are for you. I wasn't sure if it was appropriate, but I wanted to ask you something, so I thought these might help. I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go to dinner with me on Friday? We have a game on Thursday night, and I thought a more formal, not after a game greasy pizza joint dinner would be fun. That is, if you are interested? If not, it's okay, I was just," you finally cut him off with a hand on his arm. "Jack! I'd love to. The flowers are beautiful. Thank you for thinking of me. I would love nothing more." You smiled, causing an audible sigh to come from Jack's lips.
"Oh thank God! Sorry, I didn't want to ramble, I just really got nervous. I wanted you to say yes but I didn't want to sound weird or make you uncomfortable." He smiled. Neither of you knew what was going on. Jack was stunned that his neighbor who he had barely talked to but admired from afar had turned him into a nervous, blushing mess. You also couldn't say you were expecting to fall for your neighbor. But when he was gone, you came to that conclusion: you were absolutely falling for Jack. You were falling for him, you couldn't understand how it had happened or why, but you absolutely were.
When it came time for your date to come, you felt more nervous than you did for the game. Jack had let you know that you were going to be going to a nicer restaurant. You picked his brain a bit at what to wear. What you didn't know is that he had preplanned his outfit, mannerisms, conversations, basically his every move for the date with his mom and brothers. Well, mostly Quinn. When Luke saw how nervous he was, he was constantly teasing him. Luke loved to tease him about how you should have fallen for him instead of Jack. Of course it was all jokes, as soon as the two of you started hanging out Luke could immediately see the chemistry between the two of you. He knew that your connection was much deeper than any sort of joke he could make. He was really happy for his older brother, finally seeing him fall for a person who made him truly happy.
When you decided on an outfit that was both appropriate for the occasion and made you feel good about yourself, you started pacing by the front door of your apartment, anxiously waiting for Jack to come. It was about 10 minutes before he said he would arrive. On the other side of the wall, Jack thought about coming a few minutes early, but his mom immediately shut that down. Jack argued that he wanted to seem timely and didn't want to keep you waiting. Ellen shut him down, though.
"How long does it take you to walk 10 steps next door? You never want to rush someone getting ready, especially for a first date." Luke was cackling in the background, of course.
At 6:00 on the dot, Jack was knocking on your door. He was almost more nervous than when he came by a few days before asking if you wanted to go to dinner with him, if that was even possible. When you opened the door, Jack planted his feet in the ground, willing himself to not fall over on his ass and make a complete fool of himself.
You were absolutely stunning. You looked so amazing in Jack's eyes. He felt himself blushing as soon as you opened the door. He was thanking his lucky stars, wondering how he had gotten so lucky as to find someone as special as you.
"Y/N..." he finally breathed out, his heart racing. "What? Do I look okay?" You began to feel nervous under his intense gaze, your hands instinctively picking at your fingernails. "Okay would be an insult. You look incredible. These are for you, by the way," Jack handed you the flowers he forgot he even had. "That's so sweet! You didn't have to bring me flowers. The ones you brought me a few days ago are still going strong. They will look beautiful together, though."
You took a minute to put the flowers in a vase. Jack was watching you from afar, you felt his eyes on you, following you around your small kitchen. Truthfully, he was admiring you. He couldn't help but blush at the sight of you, putting flowers in the vase that he bought for you, getting ready for the date that he was taking you out on. He felt like he won the lottery.
When you turned around, you saw him blushingly admiring you, causing your own cheeks to heat up. "What has you so smiley?" you asked, taking a step closer to him, bravely grabbing his hand in yours. You rubbed your thumb over his hand in an attempt to help him feel calm. Jack was certain no one had ever made him feel this nervous. Certainly not someone he was dating. "I just can't believe how beautiful you are. I feel so lucky that you are going out with me."
Both of you were nervous wrecks at this point. Before you could convince yourself otherwise, you were leaning forward, kissing him on the cheek. As soon as Jack felt your lips on his skin, he knew he had to kiss you. "Can I kiss you? Like, on the lips," he muttered, causing you to giggle. "Yes Jack, you can kiss me, like on the lips." He groaned at your teasing, but before he could throw his head back exasperatedly, you leaned forward, capturing his lips with your own.
Jack felt himself melt, holding onto your waist in an attempt to hold himself up straight. It was official. You had softened Jack into a gushy, pillowy mess. And Jack had never been so happy.
+1. as a couple
6 months later
"Jack, honey, if you keep stomping any louder, the people below us are gonna come complain," you muttered teasingly at him. "You really think they can hear you? Besides, if they came and complained, I would simply explain to them that my amazing partner, whom I care for very much, is meeting my family for the first time, and I think they would understand." He quipped back, causing you to laugh.
Jack's parents were coming in to town for the first time in the new season. Before you met Jack, you had long planned to spend the summer abroad with your closest friend. Jack was thrilled for you, but disappointed you wouldn't be able to spend time together over the summer at his summer house. He did however, jet off to meet you in Italy for a week, which was perfect. Ordinarily, you probably would have met Jack's parents already, but with the chaos of your summer, it was now the Devils home opener, and you had yet to meet your boyfriend's parents.
"If I'm so amazing, why are you so nervous for me to meet them?" Jack groaned, causing you to laugh. Teasing each other was something so common, but it was always done lovingly. It was almost a love language of sorts between the two of you.
"Babe, how many times have I talked to Quinn on FaceTime with you? And Luke is the best friend I have here in Jersey, besides you obviously, so it's just your parents. Who, by the way, we have also Facetimed with a handful of times together."
"I know, but in person it's different. They might get knocked on their ass by your good looks and charm, just like I was. And besides, if you think Luke's teasing and sarcasm is bad, just wait until you meet my dad. Where do you think he gets it from?" Jack continues to ramble. To an outsider, it might look like Jack didn't want you to meet his parents, but you both knew it was the complete opposite. The two of you hadn't been together for that long, but in a way that didn't matter. Jack was close to saying the "l word," and you probably weren't that far behind him. He wanted you to meet his parents because he wanted them to love you as much as he did. You felt the same way.
In an attempt to stop his never ending nerves, you took the few steps across the room towards him, putting your hand on his cheek and pulling him in for a soft kiss. "Jack, I am thrilled to meet your parents. If it makes you feel any better, I am a bit nervous too. I want them to like me. Although, I'm sure you've bored them to tears with stories making me seem like I'm the most amazing person on the Earth." "Because you are," Jack intervened, serious as a heart attack.
You laughed at his genuine tone, he was always buttering you up. "They'll love you, because you're amazing. Besides, Lukey and Quinn already love you. This will be easy work for you. The shock of me being in a serious relationship has already worn off. They're thrilled to meet you," you laughed at his half hearted attempt at a joke.
"Besides, I'm sure they will be so excited to meet the person who has turned you into a sap," you laughed, causing Jack's mouth to open in shock. "I am not a sap!" He tried to quip back, but you both knew he was absolutely lying. He was so soft on you, something none of his loved ones had ever seen. "Jack, yesterday you laid your nice jacket over a puddle in the nasty streets of Jersey for me to walk over because there was no way around it," you stared back at him. "That puddle was huge! Your pant legs would've been soaked, I know you would've hated that." You laughed at his kind hearted attempt at an explanation.
"You are one of a kind Jack Hughes," you started. "I truly love you." As soon as the words came out of your mouth, your hand covered it in shock. Of course you loved Jack, but you were so nervous to tell him. You had never said those words to someone romantically before, and you were both certain he would say it first, even though you hadn't talked about it before.
"You love me?" He asked, his voice quivering. "Of course I love you, did you miss the puddle story? I would be crazy not to have fallen in love with you." At this point, both of your eyes were watery, Jack's grip on your shoulders never wavering. "Oh my God, you love me. Oh my God, wait, I love you! I love you so much! I can't believe I haven't said it back yet! I love you!" Jack was over the moon, causing you to laugh wetly.
You had absolutely softened Jack to his core. But you were nothing but soft for him, the two of you a perfect match for each other. When you pulled each other in for a kiss, the love between the two of you was imminent, the nerves of the upcoming event melting away. Jack couldn't wait to introduce you to his parents as his partner whom he loved so much, and you couldn't wait to love them as much as you loved him.
631 notes · View notes
kedsandtubesocks · 4 months
Text
give you something to dream about
joel miller x f!reader
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summary: It’s game night at the bar and you stumble upon the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen
warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY MDNI, no outbreak AU, Joel has both of his daughters, ‘strangers at a bar and maybe something more’ scenario with eventual husband!Joel, mentions of drinking, spicy making out session, Joel gets a bit handsy, gendered language / reader is addressed as “baby” & “darlin” light football discussions and terminology, lovesick and possessive!Joel
word count: 4k
a/n: this is my love letter to Joel, his love for football and maybe my own love for Texas football as well lol. To have this as my first fic of the new year and for it being for Joel means so much. To come back and write for the Pedro fandom is special and means so much. Big thank you to my babe @ahauntedcowboy for letting me scream my sports girl head off about this, and for @lowlights for giving me guidance when I needed it. And lastly - thank you for reading, you are what truly makes this so incredibly special and wonderful
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A mixture of bright neon and low soft white lights bathe the bar in a cozy ambient glow. The music is barely audible, a sort of after thought. Instead commotion and the ramble of sports announcers fills the room.
You manage to squeeze through the sea of onlookers dressed in burnt orange. Maria thankfully stays close to you. Now at the bar counter relief floods you as you lean against it.
“Order me a beer, I’m gonna find our table.” Maria yells over the liveliness swirling around.
You give her a thumbs up and thankfully don’t have to wait for the bartender long.
“Like your shirt!”
The bartender’s voice catches you instantly. Bright and direct you blink towards him. He’s cute, young, maybe a grad student from UT Austin who works here.
You can’t help but glance down at what you’re wearing.
Even under your jacket the shirt is comfortably a bit larger on you. The main focus is the old cartoon type logo of Bevo, the Texas Longhorn's mascot. The burnt orange coloring is faded adding to its weathered look.
A warmth flutters through you from just seeing it.
“It’s vintage, cool as hell.” The bartender continues admiring.
“Thanks. Uh, a friend of mine gave it to me.” Thankfully the bartender nods understandingly and doesn’t press the topic more. Instead he soon asks what you’ll be having.
You order Maria’s beer and a drink for yourself.
“So, you a big Texas fan? Well okay, I mean…you gotta be if you’re here.” The bartender, grabbing a drink glass, starts up another conversation with you as his tone becomes playful.
“A lot of people I know and love are. So by default I am too.” You admit with a sleepy grin.
“Aw,” his face melts. “Now that’s sweet. Well glad to have you here cheering for Texas.”
The bartender now even winks at you. You politely laugh but then, the bar erupts silencing the conversation.
Excited yells come so loud you jump out of your skin. Quickly you turn around to view the many tvs and projectors showing the game.
From what you can tell the Texas defense managed to take down the quarterback. You even watch the replay to see what the fuss is about. It was a good tackle and the play kept the other team’s quarterback from even advancing.
The game has you memorized now. You watch as the burnt orange and white uniforms of the players scramble like chaotic ants now trying to rush after the ball was kicked, no, punted to them.
Your lips twitch. You never would’ve thought you knew this much football terminology or could at least follow the game. Yet here you are.
The bartender clears his throat and embarrassingly fast you turn back around.
Not two but three drinks sit before you on the bar counter.
One happens to be a surprise shot that makes your eyes go wide.
“Uh, so the guy at the end of the bar sent it your way.” The bartender explains lowly, trying to be discreet about it.
Your eyes instead whip up to search for the mystery man. Then your heart sprouts wings when you discover him.
Leaning against the bar rail at the very opposed end of where you are, the man seems like something out of a romance novel’s dream.
Ruggedly handsome, his distinguished aged face and striking nose glow against the mixture of neon and dim lighting. It highlights the grays in his beard and gorgeous dark hair. His chocolate eyes bore into you as if you’re the only one in this bar.
His attention on you alone has your knees weak and you wonder maybe you suddenly turned into jello.
Your mystery man lifts his beer up to you, a silent ‘cheers’ and then takes a sip.
Just watching him take a swig of his beer has you dizzy. So you readily snatch up the shot, toast it back to him and down it.
The alcohol burns, but you’re surprised it’s your favorite liquor of choice. You can’t help but cough up wildly and the bartender snickers at your reaction. It’s been too long since you’ve had a shot and you’re thankful to chase the stinging sensation down with your mixed drink.
“Hey!” Maria’s voice calls out and her bright smile greets you as she slides through the packed crowd.
“Hope you didn’t think I forgot about you.” She laughs warmly. She grabs her beer and slides a tip to the bartender.
But then her eyes notice the empty glass.
“Oh? You took a shot without me?” She teases.
You tell her someone bought it for you and her eyebrows fly up fast in eager surprise.
“Oh?” Even her tone is warmly excited. “You get a good look at who your mystery shot buyer is?”
You turn your attention towards the end of the bar, right where he should be. Except your mystery man has vanished.
A bit of disappointment trickles in.
“I did, but guess he took off.” You tell Maria a bit low.
“Well, his loss then. Come on! Let’s head back to our table-”
“S’cuse me…”
A smooth deep and accented drawl, direct and firm enough cuts through the commotion politely cutting in on Maria.
Just as fast, there’s suddenly a deep warmth behind your back. The presence is broad, warm, and smells of the beautiful hint of a sandalwood cologne.
“If you don’t mind, I think I might steal this pretty gem for myself.” The accent seems thicker now and melts off his voice like sin.
He’s talking about you.
Maria smiles wildly entertained while her eyes flicker between you and your mystery man.
Silently you stare back and with pleading eyes you mentally communicate that yes you want to stay, yes it’s okay for her to head back.
“Alrighty then, see you two later.” She says grabbing her beer and gives you one last amused look before heading back to the table.
Your heart races so loud in your ears you don’t even notice the upset yells at a bad call given by the refs.
“…Howdy…”
The voice purrs, absolutely dances against the noise of the bar and beckons to you, your personal siren’s song.
Turning around the shadow of the mystery man falls over you. He stares down with those obsidian pool eyes as his lips turn into a boyish grin.
“I’m Joel. S’nice to meet you.”
You think about all the songs that sing about Texas beauty and how they all must have actually been speaking of this man.
Joel extends his hand out to you and the simple pure southern gentleman introduction has excitement bubbling in you like you’re a champagne bottle about to pop.
Your lips fight back a disbelieved smile as you introduce yourself and shake his hand.
It’s larger than yours, warm and beautifully callous that speaks of hard work. Joel leans closer to you and you can’t help but slide more towards him as well.
“I like your shirt.” His fingers playfully tugs at the bottom edge of your shirt.
“Thanks,” you take a sip of your drink to gain more courage. “A friend of mine let me wear it.”
Joel laughs. It’s warm, touches his face and sounds like it settles in his chest.
“A friend huh?” His voice grows even more amused.
You simply hum a nod as you take another sip of your drink. Your body hums with so many wonderful emotions like a jenga tower trying to hold onto its form on a moving table.
“That friend of yours a boyfriend?” Joel asks, a dark drawl sticky as molasses and trapping you to him.
You can’t help but shake your head no. The taste of your drink momentarily settles you.
“Pretty thing like you single? Ain’t that a shame.” Joel comments with a low rumble and all the ease you had gathered floats away.
Your eyes flicker back to Joel. But your focus goes between his stunning eyes and his lips. You don’t miss the way his eyes gloss over, become hooded with a hazy desire. How much it intensifies his gorgeous features makes your stomach flutter.
The game must have quieted down or maybe you’re just this focused on this man.
He moves to whisper in your ear.
“So…Wanna find a nice quiet spot to chat? Get to know each other better?” His lips softly graze your ear and an electric current runs up your spine.
“Yeah.” You mutter back now tipsy off Joel’s presence.
The moment you agree, Joel’s hand slips towards your waist and draws you to his side. He quickly slams down plenty of bills on the counter to cover for the drinks and tip. Your poor drink and his are forgotten.
Now Joel shifts into a man focused.
Squaring up his shoulders, he stands taller as he takes the lead. His broad shoulders become a guiding force, keeping you close to him. His hand intertwines with yours while he navigates you among the crowds.
His larger hand suddenly squeezes yours, a reassuring pressure that draws you closer to him. Moving through the tables against the crowds, you arrive at the outdoor patio where the early night air clears your mind.
Joel continues guiding you to a smaller area where the bathrooms are outside by the patio. You stand before the family restroom that holds the sweet title of “cowpokes” on it. Opening the door, Joel leads you inside. You take in the slightly larger yet still small rustic bathroom that glows under the murky amber light.
The door locks behind you and you turn around to find Joel staring you down with hunger brewing in his smokey eyes.
That’s all you can focus on before you get caught up in a dizzying whirlwind.
Hastily Joel rushes forward to pin you against the wall. His body firm and large presses so deliciously against you. Before your eyes can even soak in the close sight of him, he sweeps in and kiss you with a ravenous fierceness that steals your breath.
He quickly consumes you.
Joel faintly tastes of beer and something intoxicatingly uniquely him. While his hand moves to hold your face, his tongue licks into your mouth, diving in, almost trying to get drunk off you. You can’t help but draw him closer to you as much as you can. You want your nails to dig into him the same way he’s burning under your skin and seeping into your core
His hips begin to grind against you with an eased pace and you moan into his mouth. You want more, need more.
“Oh baby.” Joel groans out and sounds like sticky delicious sin.
Suddenly the loudest cheers leak into the bathroom.
So fierce in their excitement it echos into the room and freezes you and Joel immediately.
He sighs against your lips.
“We must‘ve scored.” Joel mutters.
“Are you upset you didn’t see it?” You ask gently and kiss his lips soft as the heat begins to settle.
“Nah. I’m aimin’ to score here myself.” He grins and the line has you laughing. Your face goes to rest against his as you continue to snicker. The prickle of his beard gently scratching against your skin feels wonderful.
“Darlin’ you’re killin’ me. I wanted to sound slick.” Joel sighs again, sounding deflated now.
“You did...sort of.” You smile.
“Forgive me,” He smirks and turns to press another soft kiss against your lips. “Been outta practice for a while.”
“You aren’t too bad, cowboy. You managed to get me in here.” You hum amused while your fingers run against his jaw, through his scruffy wonderful beard.
Joel chuckles and it dances within his chest, resonating through him.
“You’re the only one I want in here.” He mutters.
You and him share a few more soft slow eased kisses that are rushed, almost shy now.
With one last kiss, a deeply melting one that now makes you ache to keep him here, Joel pulls away. You hold yourself back from pouting.
But, you’re now rewarded with the sight of Joel fully before you. The dim amber light paints him like something pulled from a sunset dream, an aged handsome man so sweet with his furrowed concentrated eyes.
You watch Joel pat around his jean pockets and suddenly your eyes go wide.
“Joel Miller if you lost them-”
“Calm down!” He huffs cutting you off while he rapidly digs into his deep jeans pocket. He yanks something out in his grasp.
He smoothly slides closer back to you and holds out his palm where two wedding rings sit waiting.
His and yours.
Your heart melts out of your chest seeing them and your ring finger itches for its missing piece. You grab Joel’s ring, leaving him yours and move to slide his back onto his hand.
In the same manner, Joel slides your wedding band back onto its rightful place. The memory of when you did this at your actual wedding faintly flutters in and settles warm in your heart’s chamber.
Joel draws your hand to his lips and kisses your knuckles.
This man, your husband - you yank him towards you again to kiss him.
It’s a kiss that’s like coming home, of sweetness and cultivated bliss reuniting together again.
“Wanna see that bartender try flirtin’ with ya now with that ring on your finger.” Your grumpy husband grumbles adorably.
You bark a laugh. “Oh please, he was being nice for the tip and you know it.”
“Uh huh.” Joel dryly huffs as he stares at you unamused.
“Hey he was nice. He even liked my shirt.” You reply back.
“My shirt.” Joel clarifies strongly. “That’s my shirt.”
You roll your eyes playful.
He is right though. The shirt is his. Your husband is a superstitious football fan. And ever since you wore his shirt and Texas won, Joel used his beautiful brown eyes as weapons to get you to wear his shirt every game since then.
“Come on, curious to see what the score is.” With one last sweet kiss, Joel leads you back out into the evening air.
Hand in hand with him, you find your way to Tommy and Maria. Both of them brighten up at the sight of you and Joel.
“Hey! Look at that! You’re a married man again!” Tommy cries happily and you laugh. Joel, after sliding your chair in for you, rolls his eyes now while you and Maria snicker to each other.
“Bet it was fun while it lasted.” Maria grins.
“Eh.” You shrug but the truth tugs at your lips amused.
A few nights ago, when you and Joel had come up with this idea of going to the bar without the rings, pretending to not know each other, you worried for a split moment that you’d enjoy the freedom.
You worried you would realize how much you missed and enjoyed the playful banter, the flirting and pull that comes with being single. But instead you simply found your way back to Joel.
The excitement of seeing him, of having that same sensation rush through you like it did when you first met him, was nostalgically addictive for a moment.
However, you instead soak in the comfort of sitting beside Joel because it feels like coming home. While being single for another moment again was fun, you want to find Joel in every lifetime, find him as your husband in every universe.
The bar suddenly breaks into wild excitement. Joel as well cheers so loud. You turn to the game and find Texas intercepted a pass.
Now you go to check your phone and find both your daughters thankfully are doing fine. Sarah even sent you a photo text of her and Ellie at the classmate’s birthday party they’re both at. There’s a lightness that settles into your bones seeing them and having their father, your husband, beside you.
Joel and Tommy, as if they’re ESPN announcers in deep analysis, dive back into how Texas needs to sharpen up their offensive line. It’s adorable. It makes you fall in love even more with him.
Maria goes to ask Tommy something about the game and Joel leans towards you.
“You happy to be married again?” His voice drops soft and low. You catch the hint of true curiosity and almost hesitation residing under his tone.
“Of course. It’s my luckiest day all over again.” You truthfully tell him with a warm grin.
“Yeah?” He mutters tenderly as his eyes flicker to your lips again. “Make sure you share some of that luck with the team alright?”
You playfully nudge his arm and Joel smirks. You love him like this, light and teasing.
Joel drops a kiss to the side of your head.
“Don’t worry baby, this is my lucky day too. Goin’ home with the most gorgeous person here and I’m married to her.”
You could say the same thing. You’re leaving with the most handsome man and knowing you’re married to him? You feel honored, proud, and grateful.
Even when he starts yelling at the quarterback as if the poor guy can hear him.
“I could throw a better pass than that!” He argues upset.
You’re not as big of a fan as Joel, but Texas holds a place in your heart forever. It intertwined you and him in its own unique way.
Back when you were dating Joel patiently explained the game, so gently spoke to you without any judgment when you asked questions you were sure would make any other seasoned fan mock you or get annoyed. But not your Joel.
The first big moment you met Ellie and Sarah it was over at his place during a Texas game.
You experienced how wildly invested Ellie got, just like Joel, and how amused Sarah got seeing her dad and sister scream at the tv. From that point - all the days, the games, laughs and moments cultivated into a path that has led you to this moment, to this bar.
And now, here you are.
You love Joel’s love for the game, for the sport. You love how it’s connected you to him.
“Honey, you okay?” The voice of your husband pulls you from your thoughts, like a call home.
You turn to find Joel intently looking at you, your sweetheart provider. You can’t help but grin and nod.
“Yup, just thinking about the handsome stranger I met earlier. Hope he asks for my number.” You tell him.
Joel breaks into a chuckle that touches his earth eyes.
“Between you and me, he’d be a fool if he didn’t.” His hand now slides to yours, his thumb even begins to twist and fiddle with your wedding ring, a sweet habit of his.
You snort amused at how effortlessly he can play along with you.
Before you can tease him again or even wander back into your thoughts, the crowd roars to life with shouts. All eyes including yours snap to the game.
Texas just intercepted the ball and the play breathes life into the bar, into your husband who claps loud and proud.
It’s a great energy to see the end of the second quarter and the start of the halftime.
Suddenly, Joel’s hand begins softly trailing against your thigh. Warm and almost eased, the slow movement ignites a blooming desire in your chest.
Joel easily laughs with Tommy about the game. His eyes stay on his brother. Yet Joel’s hand slides now confidently deeper into the inside of your thigh. Your throat tightens and heat now begins to soak between your thighs, almost daring him to touch you.
Then a collection of happy cheers burst in the bar and steals all the attention.
All the tables nearby including yours turn to find a group of ladies. One of them currently grabs the cowboy hat off a taller man who grins so warmly down at her. She laughs loudly after doing what had to have been a wild shot.
The guy orders her, and her friends, another round causing them to squeal loud and excited again. Maria leans back to talk to Tommy and so you too lean closer to your own husband.
“Maybe I should pretend to be single again.” You tell Joel. “To see if I’ll get free shots and attention like that.”
Not that you’d want any of that. You just enjoy teasing your sweet grumpy husband from time to time.
“Nope.” Joel says with an unwavering sharpness. “You ain’t going anywhere without that ring Mrs. Miller.”
His words are rather light, almost playful, but you catch the underlying possessive simmering. It ignites an even stronger warmth beneath your skin.
“And who says you don’t get free shots? I’ll buy you as many as ya want.” Joel adds and his clipped almost ruffled voice has you laughing.
But as you settle, your thoughts wander. The smell of Joel so close, the mixture of his faint cologne and the detergent you use to wash his clothes, brings back the sensation of having that smell surround you when you were in the restroom with him.
It makes you ache.
Your hand now softly wanders to rub his warm broad chest. A low rumble comes from him, an awareness of your presence as you drape against him now. Maria and Tommy thankfully have begun to make fast friends with the couple sitting beside your table.
Your face leans to rest against Joel’s and the slick honey like desire you felt earlier creeps over you once more. It urges you to be bold.
“Wanna go mess around before halftime is over?” You offer soft and low, only for his ears.
Joel peers over to you, his eyes now smoldering coals.
“You wanna?” He mutters back.
Your answer comes as a soft kiss you place against his cheek. However, your hand now begins to slide up his thigh just like he did to you earlier.
Joel loudly clears his throat and sits up fast which untangles you from him. Immediately he yanks out his wallet to slam his card on the table.
Tommy and Maria now blink back at the sudden action.
“Order anything y'all want. We gotta grab somethin’ from the truck.” Joel lies effortlessly.
But Maria knows as she grins knowingly while embarrassment instead rises in you.
And apparently her husband isn’t as easily fooled either.
“Yeah yeah! Get outta here ya horn dogs!”
Joel barks a sharp ‘hey!’ at his younger brother’s crudeness while you can only laugh against him. Tommy simply makes obnoxious kissy faces while Maria snickers besides him. Unable to endure anymore teasing Joel playfully calls Tommy a piece of shit and with that you wave a quick and thankful to Tommy and Maria.
Joel once again leads the way to the entrance.
The two of you now stay stuck together closer than earlier. An almost giddy frenzy now keeps you both hyper aware of the other. His hands keep you so firmly close to him.
The giddiness you had earlier while pretending to be single with Joel is nothing compared to this. This feeling swirling in you comes from knowing you get to sneak away with your husband. It has you floating, only tied to this world by Joel keeping you steady and protected.
Around you, small chatter about the game hangs in the air.
Texas might not win. But as you slide closer to Joel, a unique shade of triumph washes over you.
Your good man, your wonderful husband.
He is your victory and champion.
Your victory lap and your welcome home party all at once.
And when he kisses you wildly against the side of his truck…you think he might also be your sneaky devilish opponent as his hand already starts to slip under your, no his shirt.
And you wouldn’t have it any other way.
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shinjisdone · 5 months
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When You Have An Secret Admirer - And Everybody Thinks It's Them (2; Savanaclaw)
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A love letter was left at your door and now you are searching for that 'secret admirer' - everyone wants to help you out...but have their own reason for it.Yet now, it seems like there are quite a few misunderstandings on campus...and everyone thinks they have finally found that secret admirer.
Spin-off of the first 'secert admirer' series + form of headcanons
note: reader is gender-neutral but mostly mentioned in 2. pov; a series of everyone being mistaken for the secret admirer. headcanon will follow each char. own thoughts on the situation.]
"Hey...you think he could be the famous admirer of the Ramshakle prefect?"
Tag list: @justm3di0cr3 , @a-small-tyrant , @twistedcece , @savanaclaw1996
1;Heartslabyul
3; Octavinelle
Leona Kingscholar
Ugh...this can't be real.
Savanaclaw students are usually not the type to gossip among each other...but they are cocky, believing their lazy dormleader won't ever hear a word of their rumors.
Well...they were wrong.
The first time Leona had heard of such...stupidity - of him being the secret admirer - he literally pulled a face.
They can't be serious, are they? He doesn't hold a lot of expectations on anyone but he had hoped his dorm wasn't that dumb.
He is surrounded by idiots.
It isn't flattering, it isn't clever to even wonder if the Leona Kingscholar could be the secret admirer. Not the lazy, pessimistic, easily bored Leona Kingscholar.
He is actually someone to approach the topic when he passes by a gossiping group. Telling them with a snarl to use their brain and if they really believe - key word; Believe - that he would do such a thing.
Does Leona show any ounce of passion and motivation to do the things the admirer did? Is he such a lovesick kitty that he'd be cowardly enough to keep his affections secret? Does Leona hold any kind of high regard for the herbivore?
His dormmates fiddle with their words, finding themselves nervous and speechless...
Yet at the last question...
One is brave enough to point out that, yes, dormleader Leona is fond of the prefect! You'd maybe have to really pay attention but once you do, his affections and reliance are as clear as day! ...For Leona's standards at least.
That would actually annoy him.
Pissed off he seems and the students turn tail. It is frightening to see the usual nonchalant Leona being angry and any mention of him and you, especially of his feelings for you (which don't exist!) leave him pissed off.
Usually he wouldn't care...but he can't deny the vexation he feels whenever he just senses people's eyes on him, knowing exactly why they are staring at him.
Idiots.
The dormhead will order Ruggie to put an stop to these rumors, he doesn't care how. The latter feels kind of lost on how to do such a thing, so Leona orders him to send any nosy Nancy to him. He'll have a private talk with them.
Speaking of talks....ugh, it seems like he'll have to talk to you too, to clear his name.
Though you aren't that idiotic to believe that he is the secret admirer, right?
"Listen, herbivore...you know me. You know how I am. I'm not your secret admirer."
He is brief. However...depending on your reaction, Leona might leave with his mood more sour than usual.
Either you wanted him to the admirer...and he isn't. Or you were relieved he was not...meaning you never wanted him.
No matter how it might turn out, Leona will make a face and leave without a word.
Ruggie Bucchi
Eh, heheh...what?
That isn't funny...
Really, really confused. Are people really suspecting him to be the - the secret admirer? Ha! Shishishi! Th-that's ri-ridicilous...!
Sheepishly laughs any questions off. It can't be...are his feelings really that obvious?!
Ruggie tries to shrug them off and get on with his daily life but the more this holds on, the more curious his dormmates become and the more embarrassed and annoyed he gets.
Like, seriously! What's this supposed to be, huh?! You tryin't to ruin his already ruined reputation?!
He can't have that! Just imagining what Leona would do...
Despite the embarrassment, Ruggie is more annoyed than anything. He always saw himself as a sneaky fella, so to hear how clear and obvious his favouring is to you, is...inconvinient.
He first tries to lighten the mood, joking at his own expense that he could no way be the secret admirer. C'mon, look at him!
Cannot really give any reasons to his defense though. It would make it seem like...he likes you less and his hard work that he did for you was for nothing.
The only time he is honest with everything is when he goes to you to explain himself.
"Hey...I know what you've heard and what yer thinkin' maybe, shihishi...but, uh, it ain't me. I mean, c'mon! Look at me! I'm already working myself to the bone, that extra work would leave me bedridden, haha..."
Ruggie clears his throat, sheepishly avoiding your gaze.
Jack Howl
Now this could be interesting.
Suspecting Leona and Ruggie to be the secret admirer is a bit of an far-fetched idea...but most students agree that it makes the most sense if Jack was the admirer actually.
"Think about it!", One students says, "The rough and tough Jakc...he's always taking care of the prefect so sweetly...he must have a secret romantic side that he can only show as the secret admirer!"
Jack is....flabbergasted to say the least.
Him??? The secret admirer - and WHAT ARE THEY SAYING??? SECRETLY A ROMANTIC???
UHM- No! No, that's not true at all!
>:(
He tries to act all offended and angry...but that is a shield to hide his embarrassment.
Jack wouldn't consider himself that harsh...and that reversed either but...him being a romantic at heart secretly and...l-longing for you?! C'mon, that's a made up story! Anyone can see that!
Honestly though! Do people seriously think he'd go out of the way to become some secret admirer to show his aff-affections and l-love to you...?! Th-that's...! Ugh!
Genuinely upset and lost. He doesn't want to hear any of this! Especially since it is true but noone would believe him obviously!
He growls and snarls and while that does scare many away, others believe that only amplifies his true feelings and how he uses an nonchalant, rude attitude to hide them!
Shut up! not like it is kinda true thou
Jack is just...stumped. Completely stuck. He asks for Ruggie's, Ace's and Deuce's help to just somehow...get all of this to stop!
(Ace may suspect him to be the secret admirer since how incredibly and sincerely kind he is to you...and he may be jealous, while Deuce, red in the face, straight up and loudly asks with a stutter if he really is the admirer! - Which Jack immediately denies.)
Ruggie knows Jack to not be careless and as an honest soul, so he suggests to have him clear his name to you. It might help.
So he does. With narrowed eyes that avoid your own, a hand scratching his neck and a deep, scarlet blush dusting his face.
"Uhm...everyone's...I mean, everybody's been so...obnoxiously loud and confident in their claims but...you know it isn't me, right? Because it isn't. I would never lie to you."
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blackbirdie1234 · 1 month
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The Best Admirer
Fred! Weasley x GN!Reader
(Friends to lovers <3)
This is a Gender nuetral fic. I have only ever written for Fem! but I tried my best to use language that was GN. Let me know if there is anything I can do to improve!
a/n: Sorry for taking so long with this fic. I wanted to try something different. You and Fred are in your sixth year, also scabbers isn't Petter Pettigrew in this he is just a rat lol. Thank you for all the likes and interactions! I'm glad you all like my content. Feel free to request more Harry Potter fics for any character! As always feel free to interact and comment :) Not proof read!
Summary: You have been receiving letters from a secret admirer for weeks. The only problem is you are in love with Fred Weasley, who acts like you are best buds and nothing more. What happens when the secret admirer decides they are done sending letters and wants to meet in person.
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This is the sixth letter you have received in the last two weeks. Not that you aren't flattered, you just wish that this "secret admirer" would reveal themselves already. You aren't the most patient person, you never have been and all these letters are pushing your curiosity.
The first letter was lovely. You had never had someone pay that much attention to you or at least tell you about it. It made you start questioning who this mystery person was.
"Dear Y/n, A few days ago I saw you sitting in the library, catching up on DADA homework. I have never seen anyone look so ethereal. How can someone look so unearthly, while doing something so mundane? The way you stick your tongue out ever so slightly when you are writing, or when you bite your lip when you are focused on something so intense makes me melt. I've never seen something so perfect. I hope I don't sound creepy, but I wanted to express how amazing you are to me.
Love, your secret admirer."
After the third one, your curiosity increased. You had no clue who it could be. Valentine's Day was coming up and you wondered if your admirer would reveal themselves soon. As selfish as it was you only had one person you hoped this could be.
Fred Weasley
You and Fred have been friends since the first year after he defended you against a seventh-year student who thought it was funny to make fun of your glasses.
Fred has always been a good friend to you. You're close to George as well, but it could never compare to the connection you have with his brother. You and Fred understand each other in a way no one else could. You didn't develop a crush on him until your third year, but ever since then, your feelings have only grown.
It's a cold and wet February day, not that you mind. You've always found comfort in the rain.
You are walking to class with a group of your friends, holding the latest letter in your hand, when you hear distinct laughter behind you.
"OI, BUNNY!" You hear footsteps bounding behind you as you turn around to see Fred and George sharing a wide smile and jogging to catch up to you.
"I'll catch up with you lot later." You wave to your friends as they continue walking to McGonagall's classroom.
"Bunny please tell George that I am your favorite Weasley. He seems to have it in his diluted mind that HE is the favorite and that just cannot be true, can it?" Fred smirks, knowing you would choose him over George any day of the week.
"Hmm, but you aren't." You hold back a smile as Fred's face falls in confusion and George's eyes perk up in interest.
"Yeah, yeah I thought you knew. Scabbers is definitely my favorite Weasley." You say with a smile as you start walking.
Fred's face turns from confusion into full disgust.
"You choose A RAT over ME?? A literal RAT." Fred says sounding appalled, only having to take a few steps until he's beside you, George following suit.
"I don't blame her, he is way less annoying than you" George remarks, a smirk appearing on his face before his brother pushes him into the corridor wall.
"Why do you hurt me so, love?" Fred feigns a frown, clutching his chest as if you've injured him.
"I am sorry darling, how will I ever repay you?" You respond, giggling softly at the boy's overdramatic ways.
"Hmmm, profess your undying love for me and maybe I will forgive you" He spoke with a mischievous grin, dodging your hand barrelling towards him with a laugh.
"In your dreams, Weasley" You retort, rolling your eyes but turning away to hide the blushing smile creeping upon your face.
You, Fred, and George walk to class, lowering your heads as you walk in the classroom trying to be discreet so you don't feel disappointment in Mcgonagals gaze when she sees that you are late as always.
You normally sit with Fred but decided to sit next to Hermione today, you wanted to read the note without Fred questioning what you were doing. You NEEDED to figure out who this mystery person was. It was eating you alive. Fred would just complicate things, he would probably try and read the letter and you did NOT want to explain what was happening. And yes maybe it was because you were secretly hoping it was him, and him seeing the letter and not knowing what it was would ruin that thought for you. So you were keeping it a secret. At least until you figure out who it is.
You kept reading the letters over and over again. You were obsessed at this point. Whoever this was obviously knew you well, they write as if they've known you for a long time. They would add details that you are sure you have only told a few people. They knew your favorite color, flower, and food, they even knew that you preferred to keep your hair long and over your ears because you felt insecure about it. If they weren't so poetic and sweet in their words you would be creeped out but you could tell this person was genuine, just by the way they wrote to you, as if you were someone worth writing for.
The next few days you became distant from everyone around you. You stayed to yourself in class, at the library, in your dorm. You wanted to figure out the letters so you decided the best way to investigate and you needed there to be no distractions. Even though you are an introvert you at least talk to your friends, especially Fred and George. All you could think about though was those stupid letters and who it could possibly be. You ruled out the majority of your friends, as you only have a small group of them.
You begin reading another letter.
"Dear Y/n, I must confess, I've admired you in secret for quite a while now. I've been enchanted by your beauty, intelligence, kindness, and your grace. I am scared you will not look at me the same after finding out who I am. I fear it will affect our connection. I just can't love you in secret anymore. So I have decided to explain how I feel in these letters in the hope you will understand exactly how I feel about you. I am not always great at expressing how I feel out loud so I hope this will make up for it. I admire you for many reasons but here are a few I can point out. I admire the way you carry yourself with such confidence and poise, yet remain humble and kind in your words and actions. Your inner beauty reflects the outer, captivating all who have the privlidge of seeing it. I will reveal myself soon my love. For now, I will continue to send these letters and poems as a reminder that I have loved you before, I will love you now, and I will love you after. With love, your secret admirer."
As you sit by the black lake re-reading the letter in your hands, you are pulled from your thoughts when you hear your name being called in the distance.
"Y/N" You hear, voice loud despite being almost a football field away from you. You know who it is obviously, you could recognize that voice anywhere. George. You slam your book shut, the letter hiding beneath the pages.
As the boy gets closer you wonder what he's doing alone. It's strange to see him without his brother by his side, both walking in sync, talking or laughing about the next prank/invention they are going to whip up. So seeing him walk up alone was very odd.
"Hey bunny, where have you been?" He questions sitting next to you, taking his shoes off making sure not to get dirt on the blanket scrawled out beneath you both. Bunny a nickname given to you by Fred in your first year on the ride to Hogwarts, he told you it's because your eyes and nose reminded him of a bunny and coincidently it is now your patronus.
"Oh you know, just been busy with potions work. Snape has really pilled it on this week, just trying to make sure I stay on track" You say trying not to show the nervousness buried beneath your smile.
"Fred and I could've helped you with that, Snape may be sick of us but we are damn good at potions" He replies with a cocky smirk, not noticing the lie. You're glad Fred isn't here because he would have seen right through you and questioned you until you spilled.
"Did you need something, not that I don't enjoy your company but you came down here with a sort of determination" You laughed softly while speaking, showing your amusement at the ginger's abrupt greeting.
George's face lit up as if he remembered something important and then reached for his pocket.
"Actually yes" He grins while pulling a pink-tinted letter. A letter that looked all too familiar.
Your eyes widened in surprise. What the HELL was George doing with that letter. Your mind raced as you tried to remember if you might've dropped or misplaced one of the letters, but that couldn't be possible since you kept them in your nightstand with an enchanted lock. You tried to hide your horrified expression as you thought just for a second that George was the one who was sending you these letters. Just as you were about to speak he cleared things up.
"I was told to give this to you, urgent matter" He wiggled his eyebrows while handing it to you, a boyish grin on his face the whole time.
You took the letter with hesitation staring at it, then looking back at George dumbfounded.
"Who gave this to you?" You questioned, shaking the letter with your hand.
"You'll just have to read it and find out I guess" He answered, not giving you much before standing up and placing his shoes back on his feet. Not before you see the small grin that he is obviously trying to hide.
You sit there watching him walk away, not knowing what to think you open the letter placed in your hand.
" Dear Y/n, Hello love, I hope you are well on this beautiful day. By the time you read this letter, I will be preparing. I have sent George to find you and give you this letter for a very special reason. If you want to meet me and know who I am, I will be at the astronomy tower tonight waiting for you. Meet me there at 9 o'clock tonight, bring your wand ;) Love, your secret admirer."
He wants to meet, tonight.
You look up to see the sun setting behind the water and realize it is time for dinner.
You immediately get up and flick your wand, effectively clearing your area of the lawn and packing up your things neatly into your bag. You snatch the bag and run to the castle.
You sit down next to Fred, he looks up at you with a smile. You realize you've been ignoring him for the past couple of weeks. You've been so busy with these letters you haven't even been sitting with him at dinner, as you normally always do.
"Oi Bunny, finally decided to sit next to me have you?" Fred says in a fake annoyed tone, not hiding the smile on his face when you look at him with guilt.
"Don't act as if you haven't missed me dearly darling" You speak, falling back into the playful banter you're used to.
"I'm not acting anything, love. I can't believe you left me with the kids, I've had to get a second job to pull the load" He fake sobs putting his face into his hands.
You rub his back laughing "Oh I am so sorry, honey. I'll buy you a new broom to make up for it."
His head shoots up with a smile "All is forgiven, buttercup"
You both laugh as George and Lee look between the two of you with confusion on their faces.
"You lot are so odd," George says laughing.
You enjoy the rest of dinner throwing banter with your friends, soaking in the time spent with them. You didn't realize how much you missed them until now. You wanted to enjoy this before you met your mystery person tonight.
You didn't realize you were staring at Fred the whole dinner until he looked at you and asked if there was something on his face. You responded by tucking your face away as it turned beet red.
"What should I wear? What if this is a prank? What if it's a first year or something?? Oh god, was I too nice to that one Ravenclaw in the great hall last month when he spilled milk on himself and I helped him clean it up???" You rant, pacing back and forth in your dorm.
Your friend who was sitting on the bed in front of you stands up grabbing your shoulders.
"Calm down! Breath!" they say shaking you back and forth, making you look at them.
They push you onto the bed and walk to the closet while talking.
"It is not a prank, you are a catch! I'm surprised you aren't getting letters from every person at Hogwarts by now" They say winking at you cheekily. "It is not a first year, especially not that Ravenclaw bloke" They answer putting clothes on the bed next to you in stacks. "If you want me to be honest I think it's a certain redhead who is always ogling you from afar without you noticing." They look at you waving their eyebrows and smirking.
"Who? Ron???" You ask with a look of disgust.
"No, you can be so daft sometimes you know" They roll their eyes in disappointment. "Fred, of course. Who else looks at you like you hold the stars in your eyes"
"Fred? No way." You put your head down hiding the blush threatening to rise to your cheeks. "He most definitely does not look at me like that. Besides, I think he likes Angelina." You can't help the jealousy raging in your chest as you think about it.
"What? No way! She and George have been going out for weeks now, they follow each other around like lovesick puppies. You've been so busy focusing on these letters you just haven't noticed." They speak knowingly as they pick up an outfit and hold it up for you to try on, pushing it towards you.
You breathe out in relief at the new information, standing up and heading to the bathroom. More of your roommates come into the dorm and help you get ready, excited for you to finally meet the person who has occupied your thoughts for the past few weeks.
Every time you come out of the bathroom you get their opinions and then shoved back in with 20 more items. After an hour, you finally walk out of the bathroom and the room is completely silent. Everyone is in awe just staring at you, mouths open.
"What?? What's wrong?" You hurriedly speak, looking down at yourself and then back at everyone with concern on your face.
Everyones face lights up and they start speaking all at once.
"You look amazing!"
"You're so hot omg!"
"Who is this lucky git who gets to see you like this"
They flood you with compliments, all agreeing this is the outfit you NEED to wear tonight.
Girl outfit ideas 1,2,3.
Guy outfit ideas 1,2,3.
Gn outfit ideas 1,2,3.
(Feel free to imagine any outfit you want these are just some ones I like)
Your friend takes your hand and drags you to the full-length mirror in the middle of the room, a big smile on their face, placing you in front of it and showing you the outfit in all its glory.
"You have to wear this, you look amazing. Anyone would be lucky to see you in this on a date like wow." They say in awe, everyone else in the room sharing their looks and sounds of approval.
They give you some accessories and pull the outfit fully together. You do your hair put some makeup on, look in the mirror, and smile.
Getting ready helped ease your nerves but now that you are ready and you have to wait all of the anxiety is coming back full force. The overwhelming thoughts flood back into your brain.
What If I don't like the person?
Can someone really like me this much?
Should I even go?
Before you could get too lost in your thoughts you heard the clock.
Dingggg, dinggggg, dingggg
You look up and read the time.
Shit I'm going to be late
You take one last look in the mirror and grab your wand before leaving the dorm and sneaking down the stairs.
You sneak around the castle making sure to not run into any prefects or Filch. When you get to the tower door you take a deep breath before continuing up the stairs.
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When you walk into the tower the doorway is lined with candles leading to the middle of the room, as you continue walking you see a blanket with flower petals lying around the beautifully woven cloth. A wicker basket sits in the middle of the blanket, overflowing with bread, pastries, cheese, and jam.
As you are processing the sight before you, footsteps coming from behind you make you freeze.
"I almost thought you wouldn't come" A deep husky voice comes from behind you, giving you goosebumps across your skin.
Fred?
You turn around slowly, your face showing the shock you feel in your bones.
"Y-you?" You stutter releasing a breath you didn't know you were holding.
"Disappointed?" Fred questions, a shy smile on his face but you can hear the nervousness in his voice.
"Is this real? I mean are you being serious?" A mix of questioning and genuine shock bleeding into your words as you speak. You feel as if the room is spinning as you try to grasp the reality of this situation.
"Do you think I would joke about this? Come on Bunny, I know I make jokes and pranks but I'm not a foul git." Fred laughs trying to ease the tension that lingers in the space between you before he continues.
"I have felt this way for a very long time, I just haven't known how to tell you" He walks towards you slowly, and you finally sink back into the moment enough to see the flowers in his hands.
"(Your favorite flower)" You say softly, staring at the beautifully arranged bouquet in his hands. "How did you-"
"In the third year, you had a muggle book of flowers, you left it in the common room one day and when I returned it to you I noticed a particular page that looked more worn than the others. I just figured this was your favorite. Other than that it just suits you. If I were to imagine you as a flower I'd guess this one." Fred looks down and blushes as he realizes he just went on a rant about you as a flower but quickly tries to save his confidence by looking back up and stepping closer to you holding the bouquet out for you to take.
You look into his eyes and then at the flowers before taking them. You were completely and utterly dumbfounded. Never in a million years did you believe this moment would ever happen, but you couldn't be happier.
You smile brightly at Fred. "Thank you, Fred. Genuinely, this is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me."
"For you anything" He replies, looking down at you with nothing but pure adoration in his eyes.
He offers his hand for you to take and you accept, putting your hand in his. You blush realizing how large his hands actually are. He leads you to the blanket and keeps your hand in his as he helps you sit. He moves to the other side of the blanket, taking two glasses and filling them with wine. He hands one to you and takes a deep breath before speaking again.
"Y/n, I love you. I have loved you since the first year when I saw you at the sorting ceremony. You had big dorky glasses and your face was bright as a tomato, I saw how nervous you were going up in front of everyone but I never understood why. When I saw you I thought you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen, I couldn't understand how someone could be nervous when they had absolutely nothing to hide from. It wasn't just me, I saw how other people looked at you as well. It isn't just your looks that drew me in though, it was that quiet giggle I heard behind me when I accidentally hit Marcus Flint with a dung bomb. It was the most amazing sound I had ever heard in my entire life. That sound is the single reason I continued to prank people. I wanted to hear you laugh any chance I got and eventually, I started enjoying pranking and making jokes because it was fun. I am telling you this because I want you to understand how much you have turned my life upside down Y/n L/n. I understand if you don't feel the same but I couldn't keep this from you any longer. I meant everything I wrote in those letters, I didn't know how to tell you how I felt without ruining our friendship. I wasn't even going to send the letters when I began writing them, I wrote letters for you for over a year before I sent the first one. I saved them in hopes that one day I could send them and finally express how I felt to you. I know this is a lot to process and I am sorry if this is too much for you and if you need time I fully understand." Fred expresses holding your hand and looking into your eyes taking in every expression on your face. At the end, he releases a long breath, and you can see his shoulders relax. You now understand how much this had affected him and how long he has been hiding.
He stares at you waiting for you to speak or even make a sound, when suddenly you smash your lips against his. His eyes widen in surprise and he sinks into the kiss. He grips the back of your head, not roughly but hard enough to keep you in the same position. You grip at his shirt, as your mouths continue to move perfectly in sync. When both of you finally pull away your chest heaves, trying to steady your breathing.
"I feel the same way Fred, you don't even understand how glad I am that it is you" You smile, face flushed at the realization of the bold move you just pulled.
"Well, I'd bloody hope so, or do you just like kissing your friends?" You both laugh, the sound airy and light.
You sit and talk for hours under the starlight. Both sharing smiles and laughs, enjoying each other's company. Fred gives you his jacket when he sees you shiver and you take in the warmth, noticing he put on a new cologne you've never smelt before. You sit, eat, talk, and cuddle until you realize how late it is.
"Oh shit" You shriek, sitting up quickly. "What time is it?" You look back at Fred, still lying on the blanket. His eyes go wide as he checks his watch.
You and Fred clean up the blanket and food and begin walking to the door.
You feel your wrist being tugged and you look behind you.
"Hold on, I know a different way." He grins widely and drags you to the other side of the tower, he pulls out his wand. He gestures his wand at you, telling you to bring yours out.
"Repeat after me, revelio" He asks
Fred holds up three fingers, pointing his wand at the floor and you follow suit. When the last finger goes down you speak in unison.
"Revelio"
Suddenly the floor opens up and a staircase unfolds before your eyes. You stand there shocked, wondering how Fred discovered this mystery passage.
"Lumos" Fred mumbles and light shoots out of his wand, allowing you to see down the stairs. He gestures for you to take his hand and you hesitantly accept.
"Trust me, it's just a passage. I would never put you in harm's way." Fred assures you, turning forward after you nod your head and he begins descending the steps.
You continue hand in hand down the stairs, and when you reach the bottom you realize you are right next to the Gryffindor common room.
"How in the world did you figure this out?" You question astonished. You think back to all of the pranks he has pulled without getting caught and into trouble, it makes you wonder how many of these secret passages he has figured out.
"A good magician never reveals his secrets" Fred smirks and whispers the password to the very tired and annoyed fat lady.
He walks you to your dorm stairs and you both blush and giggle staring at each other.
"I guess this is goodnight" Fred whispers, looking at you as if you hold the sun in your eyes.
"I guess it is" You reply, both of you slowly leaning in.
"Goodnight"
"Goodnight"
You close the space between you and share a sweet and loving kiss.
You pull away first but Fred chases your lips making you giggle into another peck.
"Okay, okay we really need to get to bed" You laugh lightly, trying to be quiet and not make yourselves known to any nosy students.
"You really want to go" He pouts, even though he is joking you can see the hesitation in his eyes. Not wanting this moment to end.
"I'll see you tomorrow" You smile, enjoying watching him yearn for your affection.
"Promise?"
"I promise"
114 notes · View notes
bosbas · 5 months
Text
Chapter 10: writing letters addressed to the fire
series masterlist previous part || next part
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pairing: benedict bridgerton x best friend!fem!reader WC: 3.8k words
Warnings: period-typical gender roles, idiots in love being idiots in love, angst, pining, like a lot of pining, anthony being controversial
Summary: You and Benedict have been best friends since childhood, but things change dramatically once you come out in society. You’re struggling to find someone you’re as compatible with and who knows you as well as Benedict, all while trying to quell your ever-growing feelings for him. Shenanigans ensue.
A/N: they're so in their evermore era i can't
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July 7, 1814 - The expectations were as high as the chandeliers at the Bridgerton Ball two nights prior. And the night did not disappoint. Our forgone diamond of the season made an appearance at the social event. A fact that is expected given the close relationship between the Beaumonts and Bridgertons, but a pleasant surprise given her recent absence from social happenings. While previously the center of attention, Miss Beaumont danced only once at the Bridgerton Ball with one Mr. Alexander Beaumont. Yes, dear reader, her brother. This leaves us with the lingering question: why did Miss Beaumont choose her brother over the allure of a potential match? It seems that Miss Beaumont is simply tired of the ton's social scene, or perhaps she has lost some of her shine now that her best friend has left for the countryside. 
He cleared his throat, rubbing his thumb on his lower lip. Finally meeting your eyes, he said, "Well, I was wondering if you'd want to marry me."
You choked, completely taken aback. "Are you alright, Anthony?" you asked, nervously laughing. "Was the whiskey too strong for you after all?"
He pinched his nose, annoyed at your flippant response, but couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his lips. "Be quiet! I'm trying to help you!" he said, laughing.
You were in hysterics now, too. "Help me?! Help me how, pray tell," you managed to get out between giggles.
"You are impossible! How Benedict deals with you so regularly, I have no idea!" he shot back, poking you in the arm as he said each word.
You gasped in mock offense. "Low blow, Anthony, even for you," you said, shaking your head at him, unable to keep from laughing. "Surely you're joking. Why should I let you marry me?"
"Let me marry– Bloody hell, Y/N, and excuse my language, but really, I am coming from a good place here, and you are making it so difficult," he responded, clearly exasperated by your inability to take him seriously.
You ceased laughing and looked at him directly, cocking your head and widening your eyes when you realized he was being sincere. "Anthony? Surely you're joking, right? Does Alex know? He'll kill you if he finds out you proposed to his little sister."
He sighed deeply, shifting in his seat. "Look, I am not joking. But let me explain first, and then you can ask me questions."
You could do little but stare at him, lips parted in confusion. "Go on, then," you said finally, very interested in hearing an explanation for this incredibly unexpected proposal.
Anthony looked over to where Alex was sitting, deep in conversation with your father, and then looked back to you. He turned in his seat so he was fully facing you, one hand on the back of his chair and the other on his knee, contemplating how best to explain himself without sounding insane. "I know it sounds like a crazy idea. Trust me, I can barely imagine it myself. But I do think it might be a good one," he said finally, hoping to get some kind of response from you, only to be met with a blank stare. You were still entirely unconvinced of his proposal, barely believing that he was being serious. 
"Listen, what you said two nights ago is not something I take lightly, given that you mean so much to us, to me and Benedict and our family. And I can see that you're having a rough go of it. The roughest go of it, actually," he continued.
"And you think marrying me will solve my problems because...?" you cut in, not quite following Anthony's logic.
"Well, I've been trying to explain my thought process for the past five minutes, but you're making it awfully hard, Y/N," he shot back, raising his eyebrows at you, amused. You rolled your eyes good-naturedly in response but sat back so you could let him continue.
"This might make more sense if I explain my side of things a bit more, actually," he decided, mentally rearranging what he was going to say to you. "Alex and Simon already know this, but my intention has never been to marry for love. Above all, I view marriage as a duty to my family. Since my father passed, I have been the one responsible for them, and they are the dearest thing in the world to me, as you well know."
At the mention of Edmund, you reached out and placed a hand on Anthony's, remembering how difficult it was for the family when his father passed. He shot you a grateful smile, covering your hand with his and clearing his throat before he continued speaking.
"I will be perfectly candid with you, Y/N, because you deserve nothing less. I was planning on looking for a wife next season, but even so, I believe that pursuing love is an unpleasant and unimportant endeavor, at least for me."
You gasped, slightly taken aback at his cynical views, though yours weren't much sunnier. "Don't you want to fall in love, Anthony? Don't you think you'll find a partnership like the one your parents had?" you prodded, overwhelmed by a sense of sadness. But you also felt somewhat understood, knowing now that Anthony had an unconventional view of marriage.
He gave you a knowing look, saying only, "Don't you?"
Knowing he had a point, you let up. "Fair enough, I suppose," you answered. Is that how you sounded when you spoke of getting married? You were completely disillusioned with the notion, but you had given it more than a few honest tries, while Anthony was set on never looking for a love match. It was quite ironic, seeing how much your parents loved each other and the love between Daphne and Simon, that you and Anthony had developed such depressing views on marriage. You saw Anthony nod in your direction, seemingly happy with your answer.
After a slight pause, Anthony winced, knowing he was about to share much more than he usually would. However, he knew that this would potentially benefit you both, so he fought through the discomfort. "Seeing my mother fall apart after Father died was awful to watch, and I would never want to cause someone that pain. My goal is not to find passion but to secure my family's future. And I was hoping to find someone who would want this different sort of partnership," he said, looking at you pointedly. You had already started connecting the dots in your head and thought you were catching on to where this was going now.
"So you want to have an unconventional marriage together, then?" you asked, hoping you had understood correctly.
He patted your hand, relieved you finally understood what he intended the proposal to sound like rather than the abrupt and blunt question he had asked earlier. "Yes, precisely. Of course, I want you to take as much time as you need to consider this decision since it is quite important. I doubt we would seek an expedited marriage license, but obviously, we can sort out the minutiae later if you decide to do this. There is no pressure one way or another, I simply wanted to give you an option you had probably not considered before," he said, searching your face for any reaction.
However, you remained guarded, still unsure about your feelings. Saying yes to this proposal would definitively mean saying no to Benedict. But Benedict had not even asked you anything, you argued internally. There was nothing to say no to. In fact, he had been the one to say no to you. But you didn't know if you were ready to give up all hope yet. Perhaps you were a fool, but then again, you always were when it came to your best friend.
If you accepted Anthony's proposal, would the now-permanent ache in your chest worsen at the knowledge that you could never have Benedict? Or would you feel better, getting closure Benedict would never give you?
You felt a surge of anger shoot up your spine. Why couldn't Benedict be the one asking you this? After twenty years, why was he the one who left you alone and confused while Anthony was left to pick up the broken pieces of you Ben left behind so carelessly? Even setting aside the added issue of your unrequited feelings for Benedict, Anthony was being a much better friend than him right now. But your anger dissipated quickly, dissolving into desperate sadness. You missed Ben so much; the short letters he had been sending were unsuccessful in placating the ever-growing need to feel his presence beside you. The overwhelming sense that something about you was missing was almost too much to handle, and you felt yourself going around in circles in your head about what you wanted to do.
You knew it could never be the same with Benedict regardless, so you reasoned that you would at least consider Anthony's proposal. You owed it to yourself to consider someone other than Benedict and something other than perpetual singledom without any children to raise or read to.
Realizing Anthony was patiently waiting for you to say something in response, you spoke up. "In theory, this doesn't sound like a terrible partnership," you started, laughing when Anthony snorted and muttered a short "Why, thank you."
"Shush! I'm trying to consider your proposal, and you're making it quite difficult to spend longer than twenty minutes with you, let alone the rest of my life," you joked, stomach dropping slightly when you mentioned the concept of forever. Pushing through your fear, you kept speaking, "I know you, Anthony Bridgerton. And I know you would not do something like this without a plan. So tell me your plan, and I will consider it and give you my answer once I have one."
Anthony couldn't help but laugh at your scolding tone, "You're not wrong." However, he knew he had to be careful about how he presented his reasoning for this proposal. It was no secret that he thought his brother a complete buffoon for refusing to marry you. Anyone could see that your best friend was madly in love with you, and Anthony was beyond confused as to why Benedict was being obtuse and frankly stupid when you so clearly loved him just as much.
It was hard to miss the alarmingly fond looks the two of you exchanged, not to mention what must be dozens of sketches of you in Benedict's studio, try as he might to make it look like there weren't that many. But what really made it the most obvious was Benedict's manner of speaking about you. It was beautiful to hear when Ben forgot himself and spent nearly an hour discussing a fascinating observation you had made about one of his paintings. Or when he saw Eloise reading a book you had read and launched into a speech about your genius way of interpreting a particular passage. Or even when Anthony inquired about any of the paintings of you in his studio and his brother began a lengthy explanation of how he wanted to paint your eyes in a way that captured your thoughtful yet soft gaze, in Ben's words. Benedict's unwavering and wholehearted admiration of you rivaled that of his parents. It seemed to Anthony that you were the sun, and Benedict was happy to be in your orbit if only to relish in the warmth and comfort you brought him. And the same could be said for you.
So, choosing his words carefully, Anthony avoided saying anything that would upset you, knowing you were still raw from Benedict's sudden departure a few weeks ago. "To start, a legal union between our families would only strengthen our bond, and I know we both would still like to remain close with our families after we are married."
Gauging a positive reaction from your raised eyebrows and slight nod, he continued. "Perhaps the most obvious advantage is that we would have the marriage we both want. I would, of course, encourage you to continue pursuing your studies after we were married, and though I would like to have children, and I know you do as well, I am in no particular rush if you don't feel ready yet," he continued.
To be fair, Anthony made a compelling argument. Although your ideal marriage was still the one you had imagined with Benedict as a child, Anthony was realistically the best option for you, especially with the men of the ton being as dreadful as they were and Ben off in the countryside for who knows how long.
"I don't want to feel suffocated by my husband, Anthony," you warned, earning a laugh from him.
"I know you think I'm insane, but I promise I don't want to be a suffocating husband. We want a lot of the same things, just for different reasons," he responded, ready to answer any and all rebuttals you had. Anthony knew this would be a difficult decision, and he had come prepared with the utmost patience to ensure he got rid of all of your doubts to the best of his abilities. Having watched you grow up and grown up alongside you, he had a deep fondness for you, often feeling as protective over you as he did over Eloise or Daphne. Anthony cared about you and wanted the best for you, no matter what that might entail. And if he could find a wife a season earlier than he had expected while you got what you deserved, that was just an added bonus.
In the back of his mind, Anthony hoped that if you accepted his proposal, Benedict might come to his senses before the engagement progressed too far. But he would be a fool to count on his brother to do so, based on how Ben had acted so far. Anthony knew it would be cruel to tell you this and raise your spirits only to be disappointed again. If it came to it, Anthony would be happy to marry you. It was a very practical union, and Anthony quite liked practical things.
"It makes sense, in a way, I suppose. We do want similar things," you muttered to yourself. "And you'd let me read as much as I wanted?" you asked, needing reassurance.
"I promise," answered Anthony, smiling sweetly at you. "Besides, we are already very acquainted with one another, having grown up together, and I'm sure it'd be good fun to be married. Well, at least I think so. And you know me well enough to be able to make that decision for yourself."
You nodded thoughtfully, mulling over all of the possible caveats you could think of to bring up to Anthony. If you were going to go through with this, you needed to be absolutely sure that it was what you wanted. Although it was getting difficult to find negatives about this possible union. It seemed that you would have much more agency with Anthony than if you were married to anyone else, bar Benedict, or as a spinster.
"What about Alex?" you settled on asking. "Have you talked about this with him?"
Both of you subconsciously turned to look at your older brother and then at each other. Anthony gave a slight shake of his head. "No, not yet. But I have a feeling he'll understand and even be supportive. Especially after the other night. And especially now that Benedict left."
You furrowed your brow, confused. What did Anthony mean, especially now that Benedict left? You were about to ask for clarification when Anthony cut in.
"Anyway, don't worry about Alex. I will talk to him and your father, and I know they will be on board with whatever you choose. So all you have to do is decide if this is something you want to do or not," he said quickly, trying to make up for the fact that he had revealed too much before. Anthony knew Alex had similar feelings to Anthony, perhaps even more pent-up anger at Benedict than he did since Benedict was hurting Alex's little sister. But he hadn't meant to tell you so directly. Anthony mentally kicked himself for rubbing salt on your metaphorical wound. Although it seemed that you had let go of his comment, for now, he noted as he watched you rubbing your temples, deep in thought.
You sighed deeply, coming to the realization that this could be it. This decision could change your life forever, and perhaps Benedict's life, depending on how he handled the news. If you accepted the proposal, of course. You couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of guilt, knowing that you could never feel for Anthony the same way you felt about Benedict.
"And you'd be alright with me not being in love with you? I don't think I can do that again. After Benedict," you said softly, still wanting to avoid thinking about losing him as much as possible.
"Yes, I would prefer it, actually," said Anthony, smiling at you. But his playful demeanor was wrapped in a careful tenderness. He understood you better than most people, having learned to see you, above all, through Benedict's eyes. He knew you were terrified. Of being married and not being married, of losing yourself and of staying exactly the same as you were now.
He was terrified, too, to be honest. He knew Benedict would be impossibly angry with him, even though he really had no reason to be, and feared their relationship could be fractured. Not to mention that Anthony had been dreading marriage ever since that fateful day his father fell ill from a bee sting, leaving his mother alone in the empty shell of their loving partnership. He supposed the two of you did sort of make sense in a peculiar way.
"Alright, go away, please," you shooed Anthony away. "I have to actually think about it now. But no matter what happens, I want you to know I'm grateful for your offer. I know it's coming from a very generous place, and it really does mean the world," you added, squeezing his hand as he stood up.
"Of course, Y/N. I'm not Benedict, but you're very important to me nonetheless. Take as much time as you need," he responded, returning your squeeze and making his way over to Colin and Theo, giving you space to mull over your decision.
That was precisely the situation, you thought. Anthony wasn't Benedict. And you had to decide whether or not that was good enough for you. It was a very compelling offer, and you knew it might be your only chance to have anything close to the sort of life you had hoped to have before Henri and the rest of the men of the ton so pointedly crushed your dreams. Benedict was the only reason not to marry Anthony, and he had been quite clear in saying that he wouldn't marry you. But you wanted to enjoy a few more days of imagining that Ben could be yours in some capacity before you had to move on from him forever.
---
Shoving a pile of unsent letters aside, Benedict set a fresh sheet of paper down and started yet another letter he was unlikely to send to you. Now that he had ceased going to parties and bringing home a different woman every night, he found himself with ample bouts of time that he dedicated almost exclusively to thinking about you.
With each new letter you sent, Benedict found himself lost in your words, re-reading them constantly and clinging to any fragment of you that he could still claim as his. In response, he wrote pages and pages of prose he would never send. These ranged from letters he could plausibly send to you, responding to every comment you had made about the book you had read that day. Others were less tame. Sometimes, he found himself unable to keep his overflowing feelings inside of him any longer, choosing instead to write heart-wrenching confessions of a love so deep and all-consuming that it permeated every fiber of his being. But Anthony's words reverberated in his head, warning him not to lead you on, every time he contemplated addressing these letters.
But Benedict loved you. The real, soul-crushing sort of love that only came once in a lifetime. The kind of love that grew from years of being by your side, knowing every detail of you, and still wanting to know more. He was far past the point of denying it and had now stumbled on an agonizing feeling of wanting. He wanted you by his side while he painted, quietly discussing the colors or the shading he was working on. He wanted to put his head in your lap as you sat in the garden, feeling your fingers running softly through his hair. He wanted to look over at night and find your sleeping form beside him, less than an arm's length away as he fell asleep holding you. Most of all, he wanted to be content in the knowledge that he could hold your hand, breathe in your scent, and twist your hair in his fingers as he kissed you every single day for the rest of his life. 
The moment in your garden by the rose bushes from the day before he left, where he came so close to kissing you, haunted his every waking moment. He couldn't seem to forget the way your lips parted, moving ever so slightly closer to his. The feeling of your soft breath against his skin, luring him in. He had been so close to just giving in and touching your expectant lips with his. It was all he had dreamed about doing ever since he had come back from Oxford and felt you in his arms, realizing that he never wanted to spend another day apart from you. He still wondered what would have happened if he had just done it. If he had just leaned over a few inches to join your lips and brushed his thumb on your cheek as he grabbed your waist. But he hadn't. Instead he had fled to the countryside, where he was missing you more than ever and ridden with jealousy at the thought of you with another man. 
Benedict didn't know if the ache of longing would ever fade. All he knew was that you were a permanent mark left on him he would never be able to wash off even if he wanted to. A part of him would always be you. The proof of that was on his desk cluttered with letters that would never find their way to you and in his studio housing nearly a dozen unfinished portraits of you.
Clutching to a sliver of hope, he held onto the fact that no news of your engagement had reached him. Yet, each day brought with it a tormenting dread as he approached his unopened letters, torn between the desperate hope for a letter from you and the paralyzing fear that he would receive an invitation to your wedding. But for now, he could still pretend you were his, at least partially.
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Tag List (lmk if you want to be added!): @bellahadidnt16 @like-gabriel-and-castiel @riverraingrayworld @5sos-calm @elissanatok @titanicnerd-blog @noonenuts @moonwayne @lilasblogg @mmontgomeryb @fulltacoparadise @joyfullymulti @sopanngon @fanfiction-she-wrote @aureolinb @ambitionspassionscoffee @bbubbllejisoo @marvelspogue @avengersgirllorianna
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TBB Incorrect Quotes, Part 19
Wrecker: *lifting weights* Omega: Wow… He's so intense!  Omega: I wonder what drives him.  Wrecker, internally: Oh I am going to be SO good at giving hugs.
Crosshair: What have I done wrong?!  Echo: Everything. For your entire life.
Omega: Guys! I found a 100 dollar bill! Omega: *looks around* ….Should I keep it? Echo: Omega, just do the right thing. Crosshair: And put in your bag. Echo: No—
Crosshair: I prevented a murder today. Omega: Really? That’s amazing! How did you do that? Crosshair: Self-control.
Mayday: When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying. Crosshair: And? Mayday: And you are.
Hunter: When I die I want Crosshair to lower me into my grave so he can let me down one last time.
Wrecker: I was just diagnosed with deez. Echo: Good, I hope it’s lethal.
Echo: Compliment me. Crosshair: You have eyes. Echo: Yeah, that works.
Echo: Don’t say a word.  Wrecker: Fergalicious.  Echo: Wrecker, I said no words.  Wrecker: Oh, I see how it works. Two weeks ago, we’re playing Scrabble, it’s not a word, now suddenly it is a word because it’s convenient for you.
Hunter: What do we say when life disappoints us?  Crosshair: Called it!  Hunter: No.
Crosshair: What is wrong with you? Hunter: Many, many things...  Hunter: And most of them are your fucking fault.
Tech: Hunter? I mixed redbull with coffee and now I can see sounds, should I worry?  Hunter: Tech, I swear to god—
Omega: I don’t want to talk about it.  Crosshair: Good, I don’t wanna hear about it.
Tech: I have a plan. Hunter: Good! As long as we aren’t breaking the law again, I’m open to hearing it. Tech: … Hunter: … Tech: I no longer have a plan.
Omega: What’s your biggest fear? Mayday: I am incredibly arachnophobic. Omega, under her breath: You don’t want spiders to get married?
Mayday: Is… Is that meant to be on fire?  Tech: No… not really.  Mayday: Are you going to do something about it?  Tech: Hm… nah.
Echo: What kinds of sounds annoy you?  Hunter: Are we talking real sounds or imaginary ones?  Echo, now interested: Lets say imaginary.  Hunter: Spiders wearing flip flops.
Mayday, looking at the squad: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.
Tech: Might I make a suggestion you possibly won’t like? Hunter: Do you make any other kind?
Crosshair: In alcohol’s defense, I’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
Jesse: I hate you! Crosshair: Wow! So much in common already!
Crosshair: Am I a good person? No. But do I try to be better every single day? Also no.
Tech, talking to Tarkin: With all due respect, which is none…
Tech: I have an idea. Echo: I have the hospital and Rex on speed dial.
Tech: Tech, I think we have a problem. Wrecker: What, the fire? Tech: No, the- wait, what fire? Wrecker: Oh forget about it, this sounds more interesting.
Crosshair: I was arrested for being too cool. Mayday: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.
Wrecker: Do you even, cuddle, bro? Do you even lift, bro… each other up with kindness? Do you tell your loved ones that you care about them regardless of who is listening? DO YOU EVER RESOLVE CONFLICTS, EMOTIONAL ISSUES THROUGH COMPROMISE AND COMPASSION RATHER THAN ANGER AND DENIAL?!
Tech: Did you just refer to a knife as a “people-opener”? Crosshair: Crosshair: …Should I not have?
Tech: I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Hunter: Okay? Tech: … Tech: … Tech: Actually it’s gonna bug me if I don’t, so—
Mayday: You know what your problem is? Crosshair: I only have one?
Wrecker: If this plan goes down the drain, where should we regroup? Tech: The afterlife, I guess.
Wrecker: You look really stressed. Hunter: Haha, it’s the stress.
Crosshair: “Ladies and gentlemen” is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly, I’m falling asleep already. “Cowards” on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, to the point, and dramatic.
Wrecker: I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter “s”. Crosshair: *looks over at Tech and Phee* Crosshair: Is it “sexual tension”?
Hunter: I have a question. Wrecker: Shoot. Hunter: Is the S or C in scent silent? Echo: Fuck you, I’m going to be thinking about this all day. Wrecker: Okay well, cent is pronounced the same way as scent so I’m gonna say the S is silent. Hunter: Okay, but sent is also spelled the same way. Echo: The holonet says that the C was added in the late seventeenth century, so I guess the S is silent. Crosshair: Plot twist, both the S and the C are silent and the E actually makes the sss sound. Echo: Crosshair is not allowed to talk anymore.
Hunter: Let’s not Crosshair this into a worse situation than it already is. Crosshair: Did you just use my name as a verb?
Omega: Hey, do you know anyone who can teach me to play the trumpet? Tech: Why? Omega: I want to wander around playing it to annoy Crosshair. Tech: Technically, you don’t actually need to know how to play the trumpet well for that. Omega: Tech you have opened my eyes.
Hunter: Ok so, apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling are actually severe psychological distress.
Crosshair: I’m never donating blood ever again. Crosshair: The second you walk through the door, it’s just one invasive question after another! Crosshair: ‘Where did you get it?’ 'Why is it in a bucket?’ I mean, do you want it or not?
Wrecker: Are you alright? Crosshair: Short answer or long answer? Wrecker: Short? Crosshair: No. Wrecker: Long? Crosshair: Nooooooo.
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mistymem0ryy · 1 year
Text
Il Dottore x Reader
The Fall of Icarus Chapter 1 - An unexpected letter
Summary: While being a student in the prestigious Sumeru Academy, the reader begins to form a weird friendship with the genius student Zandik, only to then lose said friendship due to his banishment. Years later a rogue letter finds its way to their report-file desk.
The gender of the reader is not specified.
(Minor spoilers for Dottore’s identity ig)// Word count: 2066
Notes: I am quite tired of the constant fics where the Reader happens to not be at a similar intellectual level as Dottore… Do not get me wrong I understand that it could be quite intimidating since the guy is quite literally a genius, but I always wondered how different his common behavior and developing intellect would have been during his Academia years…
Chapter 2
{No beta we die like Zandik’s grades}
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People like Dottore are usually blessed with what I call an Imaginative Genius, he is inventive and curious in nature but that is not all you need in order to excel in an Academic environment. Any undergrad level Science student will complain to you about obligatory courses that range from boring classes on how to write an adequate lab report, to mind draining mathematics units that you have to take in order to graduate but most probably will never need in your actual profession.
Dottore is a genius, yes, but he is also impatient and insatiable, and those are the traits that led him to his unlabeled relationship with you…
The Academia is constituted by various facets dedicated to different areas of research, but they all possess one common thing, and that is the dreadful compulsory mathematics and report units. Mathematics is the language of the world, therefore it would be only logical that a self respecting scientist would have a certain degree of fluency in it…And to add unto that, a great researcher must too be capable of describing all observable phenomena in harmonious text.
Dottore… or should I say Zandik? Well, no matter how much his brain was capable of maneuvering itself into creating unimaginable gadgets and devices while simultaneously researching lost ruins of forgotten civilizations, he simply could not wrap his head around a certain set of classes that he deemed utterly useless.
He wanted to go out and research the unknown, feel his surroundings and understand their development, he wanted to acquire knowledge beyond the one present in the various dust collecting books that encircled him every minute… 
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He wants to punch down that godforsaken door and leave this classroom at this precise moment… But to his utter disdain he cannot.
You see Zandik is quite the intelligent fellow, his curiosity leads him further in his personal research but he must balance all of that alongside all the courses the Academia requires from him in order to finish his initial program. But no matter how “important” a certain class might be, if it doesn't strike the interest of the blue haired student then he will not even glance towards its direction twice… His time is precious and slowly but certainly running out, so he must make the most of it, even if it means missing a rather concerning number of classes.
You would like to say that perhaps, in some sick and twisted way, Zandik considers you a friend… an appreciated company? a tolerant fellow student?... 
After years of being in the Academia you have come to recognize the fact that you were the one sole person he did not outright treat with pure hatred. Sometimes you look back to your first year in the Academia, when you were solely a freshman ready to embark on a new intellectual endeavor and happened to be partnered up with Zandik for a class on “The Etiquette of Writing a Concise and Clean Scientific Report”. A boring class that you honestly thought quite useless, I mean haven’t you all been writing for years already? Why would you need a specific class centered around writing a report when you could be spending this precious time on other more alarming subjects? 
After receiving your first graded assignment, and looking to your side only to be met with the hellish mess that was your Partner’s crumbling sheet you finally realized why this class was an obligatory module for graduation… You cannot decipher at which point his description of physical phenomena turned into a horrific amalgamation of scribbled equations, and- is that khaenri'ahn script? Nevermind, you do not want to know…
Zandik catches you fearfully attempting to understand the meaning behind his rather… messy report…and lets out an annoyed huff in the process.
He is an excellent scientist in the making yes, but he has a hard time translating the concepts that take place in his head into a mere sheet of paper, and the fact that someone, especially YOU, happened to be witness to one of his intellectual weaknesses, that he so arduously attempted to hide, stroke a nerve.
The moment the class is dismissed Zandik is packing his materials and leaving this humiliating experience, you quickly come to the understanding that his speed is not necessarily a byproduct of his failing grade, but rather of the fact that you saw said grade.
You knew Zandik had a reputation for being a Genius in the making, and honestly a part of yourself could not help but be relieved by the fact that this class was proof that he could also fail, that he was indeed human.
You gather your belongings as fast as you can manage, and decide to follow the boy into whatever corner of this building he has decided to retire himself into. When you find him you offer to secretly help him with his failing grade, which he reluctantly accepts. That is the beginning of the rather weird relationship you happened to establish with Zandik, you weren't necessarily friends… you knew that despite his act in front of the professors and all the well calculated smiles he threw into the air, Zandik didn't actually see any of your colleagues on exactly friendly terms… but you hoped… You hoped that perhaps after all of this he could find in himself the sympathy to see, at least yourself, in a softer light…And the thing is, he did, trully. You simply weren't capable of perceiving it.
It was rather unnoticeable, and only someone with an extremely keen eye and patience would be capable of noticing the slight ways in which Zandik would relax his composure when in your presence, how his gaze would linger on you while you corrected another maze-like report of his, how he would lie to you about being offered 2 coffees instead of one thanks to his Genius-like reputation among the academic staff, and now you would have to drink the other one so he doesn't over caffeinate his system.
It was honestly quite warming, while it lasted at least. You helped Zandik obtain the grade he needed in order to pass that tormenting class, and sincerely hoped that this would not be the end of the untold arrangement between the two of you.
The unnamed relationship between you and Zandik, to your surprise, remained intact after that class, he continued to talk to you whenever you too happened to be in the same room (which even though at first glance does not seem to be that much, it is actually quite important for him since you happened to be the only other student which he does not see as a complete waste of his time), and when he noticed that you were having a hard time with Multivariable Calculus he took it upon himself to tutor you through that fearsome class. It was those tutoring sessions that really allowed Zandik to learn more about you, from your favorite dish to your family history, and eventually to teasingly referring to you only by the name of your favorite constellation.
“Careful there Icarus you don’t want to burn your wings away now do you?”
“Zandik why is the lab on fire?”
It was all going quite well… until the rumors began…
All the compliments that embellished Zandik’s reputation in the beginning slowly metamorphosed into quick whispers in the hallways pertaining to his rather unorthodox ideas, people began fearing for their safety after the disappearances and deaths began… And the initial worry directed towards your person and safety, as being the closest student to Zandik, eventually transformed itself into comments about how you too must also possess some sort of sickness in that head of yours in order to talk with him so casually…
Zandik was ok with people gossiping about him, that is as ok as one can be when your sanity has turned into a theme of communal discussion, but when the hatred that those around him started to deviate from being completely aimed towards him and began to shift towards your unknowing figure, he had to put it all to a stop. You were the only person in that damned establishment that saw him beyond the performance he put up every waking hour, the only person that treated him as if he were an actual human being and not an interesting concept, and no matter how ardently he wanted to be accursed alongside your embrace he couldn't bring himself to actually bring the both of you into your own doom.
He stopped talking to you completely. It's as if in the matter of a fleeting night your bodily presence had been turned invisible to his eyes, your voice echoed upon deaf ears, your pleas for an explanation gone unheard, left to rot alongside yourself.
You tried, you really did, but Zandik persisted, and at some point your loud requests for an explanation had been turned into a fleeting glance on your way to class, only to then become the impossibility of seeing him for weeks on end…
You want to say that you were surprised when he was expelled, but honestly you saw it coming before he did. Zandik, no matter how many times he bashed in his capacity of predicting the outcomes of any possible situation, was always a victim of his own ego, he thought himself undefeatable and it was (temporarily at least) your job to ground him to reality when necessary. 
He had strayed too far, and now his own genius could not save him from whatever grave he had dug for himself this time, not even you could stretch a lending hand to bring him from the darkest pits of his mind back to the light…
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It has been years since the last time you saw Zandik, out of everyone in your sector of the Academia he was the only one you were certain of achieving greatness in the future, only for that hypothetical greatness to be cut short before he could even graduate successfully…
You tried to find him, after he was banished from Sumeru, no matter how hideous his actions, you could not forget the fact that he too was a human being, you had seen parts of Zandik the world considered utterly impossible, and you hoped that he could see that no matter how tarnished his person could become by the words of the masses, you still saw him as the boy that would ramble about Ancient Civilizations while you studied anatomy, the same boy that would take you to the areas of Sumeru streaming with wildlife and lecture you on all the different properties of the various species inhabiting your surroundings, the same boy that sent you letters nearly every two days when you had to temporarily interrupt your studies to help a sick family member…
But now it has been years, and even though you were able to somehow balance out both your professional research and that for the whereabouts of Zandik, you have found yourself with absolutely no fruitful outcome to the latter.
You quickly realized that you had completely spaced out with your various reports left untouched in front of you, recently the amount of times you temporarily lose awareness only to daydream about your old days with Zandik has become alarmingly bigger, you really should get some healthy amounts of sleep from now on…Especially after receiving a heads up from Alhaitham of a wandering Traveler that supposedly is going to pass by your office today in order to request your help.
You begin to clean up your reports, organizing every sheet according to your personal system until your eyes land upon a rogue letter that you cannot recall having in your possession.
The only tip that could lead to the identity of the sender was the initial -D stamped upon the untouched envelope. You switfly grabbed and began to open the lonely envelope in an uninterested manner, that is until it suddenly fell upon your paralyzed feet, leaving your trembling hands stuck in their prior position, as if you were still holding that now forgotten letter within your grasp.
All it took was one inked phrase.
“Greetings, my dear Icarus…”
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bg-brainrot · 5 months
Text
Day four of Astarion x Rogue!Tav winter fluff for the BG3 Winter Holiday Challenge!
Prompt: Mulled Wine
Featuring: Astarion x Rogue!Tav
Series: Fits into Love at First Knife, AO3 link here
Premise: Astarion walks into you making mulled wine. He doesn’t understand why you must ruin wine for the sake of winter. When he refuses to see your point, you find another way to show him.
Tags: POV Second Person, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Fluff, Holidays, Alcohol, Kisses, post-cannon
Word count: ~1k
“Darling, what are you doing to that red wine?” Astarion walks into the kitchen, turning his nose up at the concoction you’re stirring.
“I’m making mulled wine,” you say, turning to smile at him. “What do you think I’m doing?”
He gives a single sniff and turns his lips down into a grimace. “My nose tells me that you’re ruining a perfectly good bottle of wine.” You drop the smile and give him a glare.
“What do you mean ruining?” you ask, incredulous. “I’m following the instructions that Gale gave me to the letter. Though I guess I am skipping over some of his longer-winded tangents…” A quick glance over at the notes on the counter confirms your accuracy.
The vampire shakes his head at you and walks up to the stove where you’re still stirring. “I have no doubt that you’re executing it perfectly, dear. You’ve made poisons that require more finesse than this. However, adding all of those spices– and oranges? What was wrong with the original wine?”
“Nothing was wrong. I just wanted to make something seasonal,” you say, feeling the need to defend your creation. You look down at your mixture, at the various pieces of seasonal flavors swirling as you stir, and you’re almost positive that it will taste perfect on a cold winter’s day like today.
“Why not a nice buttered rum? I don’t mind if you torment the rum.”
You roll your eyes at this, knowing full well now that this line of questioning was meant to be entertainment for Astarion. He was likely just bored and wondering why you were spending so much time in the kitchen. “I don’t want buttered rum. Why are you so against mulled wine– when was the last time you even had mulled wine?”
A moment of silence passes between you, and you turn away from your pot to look at him, suddenly fearful that you accidentally struck a nerve you hadn’t meant to. However, he just looks pensive, a single finger tapping his chin thoughtfully. When his answer finally comes, he just says it with a sense of awe, “You know, it’s likely been over 200 years.”
“Oh,” you respond, pursing your lips. You gesture at him with the spoon you’re holding. “Maybe it would be like a brand new experience?”
“It could be,” he responds, and while there’s some hesitation to his tone, he does sound more amenable to the idea now. He wafts the steam from the pot toward his nose, as if a better sniff might change his mind. Instead your lover physically recoils and places a hand over his face. “Gods, what are these spices?”
“Let’s see... cardamom, cinnamon, and star anise,” you recite, looking back at the paper Gale wrote you.
Your lover makes a face at you before he chokes out, “Star anise? That’s where the pungent smell is coming from. Darling, as the resident connoisseur of scents, you should have asked me for your spices.”
“Ah,” you breathe out, understanding dawning on you. You point the spoon at him excitedly, “I got it!”
“Got what?” he says, staring at you blankly. You can feel his assurance in your ability to make mulled wine deteriorating by the second. No matter– you know how to fix this.
Scooping up a bit of your brew in the stirring spoon, you blow gently on it to cool it down and hold it out to him. “Try it.”
“Oh no,” he immediately says, taking a step back. “I refuse to be your test subject.”
“Fine then, let me try it first.” You sip the mulled wine out of the spoon, savoring it on your tongue. It’s sweet, it’s spiced, and it tastes just like cozying up to a fireplace– your face breaks into a wide grin at its rich flavor. As you suspected, the star anise only gives it a subtle note, none of that strong licorice smell it typically has. Astarion wouldn't remember that after hundreds of years away from drinks like this. “Mmm, it’s perfect.”
Astarion looks at you for a second, as if waiting for your composure to crack, your body to convulse with disgust. When nothing happens, he only asks, “What does it taste like?”
“Would you like to try it?” You’re beaming at him now, absolutely certain that this will change his mind about mulled wine.
He still seems cautious, probably wondering if this is all some ruse devised by you and Gale.
Sensing his worries, you scoop another spoonful for yourself, take a drink, and close the distance between you. “Mmm mm,” you say to him, behind closed lips.
“What?” the man asks, raising a single eyebrow at you.
“Mmm mm!” you repeat, pointing to your lips, which you’re emphatically puckering at him.
Your request clicks in his head a moment later and he can’t help the laugh that escapes him. “My love, have I told you that you’re utterly ridiculous lately? Because I feel like you’re overdue.” Nevertheless, he takes a step forward, placing his hands on your waist and pulling you close as he meets your pursed lips with his.
The kiss, much like the mulled wine, starts off sweet but quickly comes with a kick of spice. Astarion’s tongue traces your bottom lip and you open your mouth to allow him in. One of his hands finds your face and angles it to deepen the kiss, locking his mouth with yours to try to keep the wine from spilling.
You feel a few trickles of liquid fall down your chin, but you find that you don’t mind– in fact, the only thing on your mind is the way Astarion’s tongue is relishing the mulled wine. The vampire gives a low hum as his tongue circles yours, tasting the liquid fully. He has yet to run away in revulsion, so you’re pretty sure he likes it. Or at the very least likes kissing you.
When he finally pulls away, a bit short of breath, his lips stained with wine, he gives you a smirk. “I think I finally understand the appeal of mulled wine.”
“So does that mean you liked it?” you ask him, equally breathless.
Astarion swipes his thumb down your chin, wiping away the wine that dribbled down before bringing it to mouth. He gives you a dark, lidded look as he licks it off and gives a rumbling hmm. “I’m not sure yet. You’ll have to give me another taste.”
It’s slow going, but you enthusiastically ensure that your lover gets his fill of mulled wine.
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shiny-jr · 9 months
Text
from DIASOMNIA
- Warning: Yes, this is still a yandere thing. You have been warned. Gender-neutral reader. 
- Characters: Malleus Draconia, Lilia Vanrouge, Silver, Sebek Zigvolt.
- Summary: (Continuation, after this “we just got a letter, wonder where it’s from”) You have barred them from entering the safety of Ramshackle Dorm, but they are determined to make their words reach you. Which is why the letters begin arriving at your doorstep.
- Note: This is just the first part, only with Diasomnia. I’ll post the rest later once its written. For now, I hope you enjoy this part! Oh, and this was inspired by the mention of letters @qierxing​‘s fic inspired by the whole imposter au idea. So yeah. Hopefully I caught all the mistakes in this post because I am not rereading all that again.
Diasomnia   |   Ignihyde
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Among the first letters you pick is carefully sealed in a black envelope. You found it peculiar that Grim, who had offered to use his claws to open the envelopes, hadn’t been able to cause the slightest tear as if it were being protected by some magic. But it opened with ease during your first attempt to rip it open.
You didn’t care much for the wax family crest that had sealed it, or the black envelope itself. Maybe it would feel liberating to just set them all ablaze as soon as you finished skimming over the carefully written words.
To my dearest human,
I understand the pain I have caused you.
Ever since that moment I betrayed you, all I have seen in my vision and in my mind is your expression of terror. It tortures me. Your terror spurred by my actions and my very own hands. I am your most beloved and loyalest of companions in this world, and yet, had my retainers behind those doors not intervened, you would have been gone forever. And it would have been all my doing, all my fault.
I write this letter to apologize, but as I write this, I realize that there is no forgiving what has been done. Ever. No matter how I plead or what comes from my lips. But I will say this: there are no amount of words that can truly convey how sorry I am. This will haunt me for the remainder of my centuries of life.
Agonizing thoughts plague my mind and torment me at all hours of the day and night, at every and each moment. Even now, I reflect on everything I had done to harm you. While, the time I believed in those falsehoods was minuscule compared to the days others knew and acted upon it, the fact still stands that I was too easily deceived by mere rumors alone. I was blinded by my rage when I heard that someone dared to impersonate you and had been the probable cause of your vessel’s malfunction, that I did not even take a brief respite to consider the validity of the information that reached my ears.
Believe me, although I realize you have no reason to hold even a shred of faith in a single word I say and for that I would not blame you, but I will atone for the crimes I have committed. In any way possible. Even if it takes my entire lifetime, I will continue forward until I have achieved this goal and you may smile upon me once again. There is a human saying, which if I recall correctly I believe goes something like, forgive but never forget. Well, I would beg for forgiveness, while knowing full well that my misdeeds will never truly be forgotten. The harm I inflicted will leave scars that will never fully fade.
For every scratch my nails left on your delicate flesh, you may drive vines of the sharpest thorns against my own skin until blood pools all around me. For every bruise from my hand that tainted you, I would hand you an iron sword to use as you wish against me until you believe I’ve had enough. If it pleased you, I would even utilize my magic to transform into a figure with wings, which I would then proceed to sever the wings by my own hand and offer them to you on a silver platter.
Any punishment you can think of, I would readily accept.
Although living with the guilt of my mistakes and knowledge of the weight of my actions against you, is by far the most painful torture I’ve ever known.
If I do not receive word from you soon, I fear I may go insane with my own guilt. Yet I know I bring this upon myself. And if I were to go insane, if I was not insane this entire time already, you are all that would be in my thoughts. You are all that would remain in the part of my mind that is intact. You are currently and have been all that I think of, so perhaps my sanity is already long gone.
I would venture into the deepest crevices of hell and back, just to prove my worth to you. Even if I must be punished for the rest of my life, so be it. But I implore you to allow me to redeem myself, let yourself bear witness to the incredible feats I may accomplish in your name. Redemption... The thought of perhaps one day receiving the blessing of your smile and your grace once more in the near or distant future, is the light at the end of the tunnel in this dark period of my existence. I am yours. Whether you still desire me or not, I will forever be yours, and I will brave through trials of fire to demonstrate my eternal devotion to you.
Just know that I will do everything in my power to please you. Whether it be to fulfill the judgement you cast upon me, to demonstrate my worth and determination to achieve redemption, or simply because you command it so, it shall be done. 
For now, I will wait on your response and deliberate over my next course of action. Should you desire anything, anything at all, wether it be something as simple as traveling to the store for a purchase, you have a moment of recluse and desire company, or if you command me to move the island or clear the very heavens, all you must do is speak my name. Then, consider it done. Once my name is upon your lips, I will be there as the last syllable leaves your tongue. 
I will await the moment I am summoned.
Forever yours,
Malleus Draconia
That was... unnerving. Your hand unconsciously drifted up to the slight puncture wounds on your neck. They had long since dried, but you vividly remember feeling the thin trail of crimson being drawn and dripping down like a steady stream. 
You could remember the way Malleus withdrew as soon as he realized the truth, like he had been burned with his hands on you in that fashion. The blood, your blood, staining his sharpened nails. The red was deeper than any nail polish or ink. 
You were nearly sent spiraling, until you felt a tap and the texture of paper against your arm. When you glance down, you see Grim pressing his paws with another crumpled letter onto you. The ink on this letter is red, but the feline’s wide curious eyes are a glowing blue. 
“You okay? What’s so interesting about that wall you’re lookin’ at? You’re kinda just staring off into nothing there.” 
Offering a grateful nod to Grim who frowned worriedly, you accept the already opened envelope while tossing aside the letter from Malleus. “I’m good. Just... thinking.” 
Lifting a hand, you place your palm against his head and scratch the spot behind his ears. Grim lets out a content purr and holds a bag of junk food, which he probably found among the mountain of gifts, and curls up beside you. You continue the slow and soothing scratches as you use your freehand to unravel the letter Grim brought you from the towering stacks. 
This envelope was already cut open. It was a light brown and more square-shaped as thin rope kept it tied together. It had a mash of colorful strings that formed a messy bow to top it off. At least, you assumed it was meant to be a bow, but it looked more like a messy knot that would be impossible to untangle. Good thing it was already partially cut by Grim’s claws earlier. 
As mentioned, the ink was red, an interesting choice. While the handwriting was not as elegant as Malleus’ letter. Some words were written neatly, before falling off the line and blending with other words. Making it a bit difficult to read, but you managed. 
If you’re reading this, 
This means that I am not irredeemable in your eyes. 
Had I been beyond redemption, you would have not even opened this letter. If this was a lost cause, a merry dance, this paper would’ve been tossed into the trash without a second thought. But, my words have reached you. You’re reading this right now, aren’t you? It’s why I decided to write this. I could predict the actions you’d take. You are different from your vessel, but it’s only natural that you would act similarly to the silly little doll you controlled, the same doll that sparked this whole fiasco. 
I truly am so sorry if I frightened you. While I will admit, it was my intention to strike fear into your heart and use you to serve for another dubious purpose, that was when I hadn’t recognized you. Although, I know this doesn’t mean much to you, I figured I should be entirely honest to you. It’s the least I can do. I’m such a fool for being quick to believe the rumors like some sort of senseless child.
All I can do now, is remain true and offer up my loyalty. It’s nothing compared to the mistakes I made, and I’ve made plenty, but I know an apology will never suffice. So, even if you’re still uncertain about redemption, I’ll remain loyal. Among all the beings and creatures I’ve met in my lifetime, you remain an enigma. You’re human, but at the same time, you’re different. There continues to be so much I do not know of you. I wonder, could you hear me whenever I spoke to your plaything? Do you recall the stories I told, of my time as a reckless youth? Foolhardy, wild, that I was. But I was also fiercely loyal. For the Draconias, I razed down all foes like wheat in a field. 
Now that I consider it, perhaps it's best if you hadn’t heard me recount those tales. While I had been eager to share with you my experiences and act out my thrilling adventures, perhaps my story telling was much too graphic. I wouldn’t want the vivid details of bloodshed to be cause for alarm as our most recent encounter was far from pleasant. You have to forgive me, sometimes I get carried away when narrating my accomplishments and exploits. I’ll share more light-hearted memories with you the next time we meet. 
Our first meeting with your true self really went abysmally, didn’t it? I know that things never really go as planned, so I don’t bother planning such things in advance. But, I had pictured it to be a lovely moment. Silver and Sebek would look at you with shining eyes and proclaim their loyalty as they had practiced vows over and over again for such an occasion, I would get to embrace your true form and unlock your secrets, and of course Malleus would be truly content for once as he finally received the company he deserved. 
But, as expected, things didn’t go accordingly. 
Those three youths are miserable, thinking of the proper words to pen, a way to apologize for the suffering they’ve caused. But now, we are the ones suffering because we hurt you. 
They write and write, but tear their letters over and over again as they believe no words they’ve written so far are adequate. Soon they’ll realize that no words will ever be sufficient for an apology. Even if they were to create new words that are unheard of by any dictionary, it would not come close to being enough. That’s why I’ve decided to stick with this single attempt, because I already know that nothing I ever write will measure up to being acceptable. 
There is something about you that always leaves me bemused. Your grace left me feeling dizzy and giddy, like I was experiencing a little crush again, although this was much more intense than any crush. The truth about your vessel controlled by you, had me perplexed as I had never heard of such a thing. And well, the disastrous chase that followed your arrival... you know that part well and could assume how I feel about that from what I’ve told you. At present, all I can do is remain loyal, for what my loyalty is worth to you. Beyond that, despite having an abundance of experiences, there is no such situation that could have prepared me for this moment. 
Genuinely, I am stumped once again. I cannot even envision what can be done with my own two hands, that can be worthy of your attention once again and earn me redemption. But, you can be certain of one thing, and that is: my loyalty is undying. I still have a few years left in these old bones of mine, and I will use the rest of my life to serve you. 
Whether you want me or not. If you still want me, I will be of use to you. Whatever you are in need of, a soldier, a plaything, a companion, or even someone to take out your anger on. I shall be it. If you don’t want me, I will still be there. I will always be there to smile and lift your spirits like you once did for me through your doll. 
I eagerly wait for word from you. 
Until we meet again soon, 
Lilia Vanrouge
None of these letters were comforting in the slightest. In fact, they only placed you further on edge. For a moment, you considered stopping it here after only two and getting rid of the rest. 
Grim by now had settled in your lap, and looked up at you with those watchful blue eyes. Had he been staring at you the entire time? 
“Let me guess, they’re not taking it well?” 
“No, not at all.” You answer with a grimace. If this was how they were like now, you didn’t even want to know how they acted when they found out your vessel stopped working over a week ago. 
“Huh, sucks for them.” The feline stretched out, his claws poking out for a moment before quickly retracting as he plopped back down on his back with his stomach up. Maybe it was his own attempts to fill the silence, or to let you know you weren’t alone, but he eventually groaned. “Hey, read me one. I wanna know what they say.” 
Unable to say no to your companion, you nodded slowly and smiled weakly, “Alright, alright, let’s see what we have here...” 
You plucked out a random letter with neat packaging. However, just because the exterior was pretty, didn’t mean the interior message would be. You learned that already from the last two letters you had read. 
This envelope looked somewhat similar to the last one, square-shaped and tied closed with string. However, instead of the knot of ribbons on it, it held a simpler gift. The brown rope around it was tied in a neat bow, and between the string were lavender stems with a small branch of wild berries. 
Grim immediately indulged in the berries and the flowers, staining his little fangs and whiskers with the sweet sticky juice and purple petals. All the while exclaiming, “Oh, oh! I remember this letter. Some bird came to drop it and it flew away just before I could catch it...” 
A short laugh escaped your lips as you hear him. “So that’s why you were grumbling this morning.” 
Not wanting to be reminded again, he swat his paw at your nose as the feline hissed, “Shh! Just read already!” 
Dear player, 
I truly am deeply remorseful and I offer my sincerest apologies. 
I was to be a knight, that has been something I have strived for ever since I was a child. A knight not just to serve Malleus but to protect others, and eventually I discovered my purpose was to serve you as well. But... all I did was stand idly by and watch the torment. Shortly after meeting your vessel, I had promised to shield you from all danger. I broke that promise. 
I cannot imagine how frightened you must have been. Had just one person stop and thought things through, they may have realized the horrible mistake that was being made. Had I acted as soon as I felt the tug on my heart when I saw you weakened and on the dirt, I may have saved you from anymore pain. 
Those eyes, your eyes, I see them in my sleep. You were scared, and through your gaze you were pleading for help, were you not? I see it every time I close my eyes. You witnessed it yourself, the very moment when I had failed you. You were right there, so close I could have extended a helping hand. But my grief rendered me sightless, all I could think of in that moment is how my heart ached and how I longed to see you again. Even if it was through your vessel. The rumors didn’t quite make any sense to me, as I wondered how could anyone possibly be so cruel as to tear you away from us? 
Father had said that it would all be over soon. That capturing the imposter and bringing them to their knees, would make everything better. But when I saw you on the ground before we learned of your identity, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was alright. Would the player have wanted this? Would they have scorned upon witnessing the scene? Would this undoubtedly end the throbbing pain I felt in my heart? The pain was becoming unbearable, and I was not the only one to feel it. The news made little sense to me. Sebek insisted that it was true, and Father seemed to believe so as well. However, that is no excuse for how I went along as if it were okay. 
You were innocent and helpless, you, the player, not only witnessed the scene but were the victim. I’m so sorry, I should have done something... If it were the only way to gain your forgiveness, I would spend every moment of my waking hours writing letters of apology. To do so I would keep myself awake for as long as humanely possible. If asked, I would use every moment to pen these letters, each different from the last. Although after several attempts in redoing this single letter, I realize that it would be a pointless endeavor. 
After reflecting, the only way to make up for what I have do is be patient. 
Be patient and await for word from you. I cannot force you, I cannot pressure you, I can only pause and prepare myself to do whatever I must in order to earn back your grace. 
Please, do not keep me waiting too long. I know I have no right to ask you this. I’m willing to wait years if needed, but part of me has this fear that I will never regain a spot near your heart until I’m frail and feeble with age. Rest assured, even in old age, I would be willing to be your knight. Even if my bones ached, I would raise my sword and shield. If I couldn’t use my weakened legs, I would call upon a horse to be my steed. And if I were to become magicless, I would use the remainder of my physical strength to serve you. 
If I may be honest with you? I have no idea what to do. Yes, I said I would wait, but what else can I do? What can I do to eventually secure a place beside you, if it were possible? In times of trouble I normally turn to Lilia and Malleus for advice, however, I am a bit unsettled by their approach to this delicate matter. Truthfully, I am anxious, but while they share the sentiment, they are oddly confident that things will turn out alright in the end. I am unsure how they can muster the self-assurance to quell their fears. Maybe they know something that I do not, and have decided not to share this secret for now... 
Nevertheless, for now I’ll eagerly anticipate the day we can reunite just as I have dreamed. I greatly look forward to the second where not only I can see you smile once again and your eyes might finally look at me with content, but also the moment where all those I know might get the opportunity to be in your peaceful grace. 
I’ve dragged this letter on for too long. If you were to take something away from this letter, let it be this: I will carry out your wishes. No matter what you may think of me, whether it be a positive or negative image in your mind, I will continue forward in your name. Even if you think me unfit for the title of knight, then consider me a humble servant instead. Nothing will shake my commitment, and I will do whatever it is you ask. 
This is a pledge that will not be broken. 
Cordially, 
Silver
This letter felt a bit lighter than the others. Still, it was slightly intense in its own way, but it was nowhere near as extreme as the previous two were. And, maybe you had a better opinion on Silver, not because he was gentle with his words but because he was one of the very few who hadn’t threatened you, directly harmed you, or treated you cruelly. 
But! He didn’t get a free pass just because of that. Yes, he may not have directly caused any harm, but he didn’t exactly help you either. 
Grim had taken the letter from you, and inspected the paper in his paws. He held it above his head, scrunching up his nose a bit as he looked it over. “I dunno... he’s okay.” 
At that, you roll your eyes a bit as a smirk crept up from the corner of your mouth. “You’re not just saying that because his letter came with a snack?” 
“No! You think me easy to bribe? I think not! It would take a whole bucket full of berries just to get me to even discuss it. Then, I’d turn them down and take the berries anyways!” The feline proclaimed his brilliant plan should that situation ever arise. Maybe the gifts you allowed him to take were starting to get to his head. “But... he could be worse. Silver, as dumb as he was like everyone else, he did hear me out after they separated us.” 
Silver did that? If that were true, it’s possible that he wasn’t as bad as the others who had wronged you.
“That’s... good to know.” You murmur as you pluck up another random envelope from the pile. 
The last envelope you pick up before you planned to take a break was surprisingly plain. It was just that. A plain white envelope, sealed by green wax with what looked like a family crest that depicted a creature with fangs and scales. One of the corners was crinkled, as if it was gripped too tightly there. 
As soon as you slid out the folded letter, you were bombarded by the ink. Whoever had wrote this, seemed like they applied too much force. This caused certain parts of some letters to be too round and heavy with ink that made those bits feel damp and stain your fingers the slightest bit. Like whoever wrote this, placed just as much pressure with their hands on the pen gliding across the page, as much pressure as they felt weighing on their mind. 
Great Player, 
As I pen this, I am on my hands and knees.
I have prepared a multitude of letters which I will send daily, so that now and in the future you will continue to hear my apology and know I truly mean it. One admission of regret is not enough. An apology is only an acknowledgment of an offense, it does not absolve one of their wrongdoings. I know this! So, I, Sebek Zigvolt, will atone by any means necessary! 
To you, the player who I wronged and deserves nothing but happiness and perfection, I give my deepest sincerest profuse apology. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m SORRY. Right now when I look at my hands that I use to write, I’m reminded of the vicious way I grabbed you like some... heathen! These hands sullied your flawless self, and for that alone I will never forgive myself!
Had it not been for the wise words of Master Lilia and the bothersome yet logical reasoning from Silver, I would have been at your door everyday, every hour, begging for a second chance. In the midst of brainstorming, I presented my idea of crawling on hands and knees, from Diasomnia to the Ramshackle Dorm, to deliver the letter myself. Then, I would display whatever cuts or bruises formed on my palms and knees which I would receive from the rocky roads or thorns, that way you may see my devotion was true and no lengths are too great when it comes to you! No matter the pain or burden! The idea seems to appeal to Lord Malleus, but I was told that it comes off as too extreme...
But! I beg to differ!! I only consider it so that you may understand what I feel, so that you might comprehend the things I would do for you, and receive me back in your good graces! Additionally, delivering the letter in this manner would cause me as much or more physical pain than I caused you! It is a shame that things have come to this. I had wished so much for our first proper meeting to be one of joy where you might accept me as your knight! In spite of that, I will not falter in shame! If I were to deliver the following letters in that method I had detailed earlier, I would wear the scars proudly! It would be physical proof of my faithfulness towards you! 
I am sorry, and I will continue to say it. Perhaps, this may be presumptuous of me, but if you consider it, Diasomnia did not torment you nearly as long as any other insolent dorm had! And! We retainers accompanied Lord Malleus every day to check on the wellbeing of your vessel, and watch over it while investigating various possible approaches on how to revive Yuu. We diligently did this until the moment we encountered your true self! 
I swear to you, no one shall harm you from this moment forth! 
From now on, I’ll march forward and see to it that you are never hurt ever again! This is something I know that my fellow dormmates will tirelessly work toward as well. 
Have you realized that we have been guarding you and the serenity of your dorm in the past days? Have you not thought it strange that none have come to needlessly pester you? Yes, that is all thanks to the efforts of those in Diasomnia! Even when you do not realize it, we are insuring your welfare and the tranquility you require to recover! Of course, as much as I desperately want to inform you of the details, I will not. It is best you don’t know. 
Now, I must be honest with you. Originally, I had planned this letter to be much longer and have contents that would have been much different than what you are currently reading. I aimed to be honest in my feelings! But before I could sign off on the original draft, I realized that the others may be in the right. It is possible that our devotion, my devotion, may come off as disquieting if I were completely sincere. I’ve had to restrain myself on many occasions, reminding myself to at least appear collected and controlled. That is not as easy as it sounds! 
How could it be, when the one I must suppress my emotions and actions for, is you? That’s as if asking to repress part of my very soul and heart! I absolutely detest hiding it!! But when I remember this is for you and your own comfort, it becomes bearable. I can only hope that soon, very soon, I might be able to unveil my true sentiments towards you! As intense and extreme as they may be! 
It seems that I’m nearing the word limit that they imposed. Once again, I apologize. I’ll have to contemplate new ways to write ‘sorry.’ I wish I could write a million more words for you! But even a million words wouldn’t be anywhere near a satisfactory amount for me to detail how much I revere you! And it would take more than another million words for me to write a full apology, but even then I wouldn’t be satisfied! No single letter is adequate enough, so be prepared to receive the rest I have written! 
I will make sure they are delivered posthaste! 
Faithfully, 
Sebek Zigvolt 
Great... you’re back to being unnerved again. 
There was something about them all being so weirdly obsessed, but in vary different ways. Malleus and Lilia puzzled you, they had you feeling the most uneasy by far. Maybe it had to do with the fact that they were both not human, they were arcane beings with enigmatic personalities and objectives that were incomprehensible to you. 
Out of the four, Silver was the only one that was fully human like yourself, but even he was a bit of a mystery as he was raised by the fae. It was hard to be wary of him, which was probably because your distrust and fear of him wasn’t as intense as it was towards the others due to his good nature and lack of actions he took during the whole disaster. 
As for Sebek, well, he was unnerving in his own right but it was nowhere near on the level that Malleus and Lilia were on. At the very least he wasn’t a complete mystery to you. It was easy to figure out his intentions, because he either said them or wore them on his sleeve. 
Your mind was spinning as you looked over the four letters, filled with lines upon lines and more lines of pages. In that moment your breath quickened as you noticed the cloudy sky outside. For a brief second, you feared you would see that familiar flash of green lightning, taking you back to that dark day when you nearly died. It’s like you could feel Sebek’s hands tightly gripping the back of your skull that forced you against the earth, you saw Silver’s sorrowful gaze that spoke a thousand words you didn’t yet understand, you heard Lilia’s words hinting to a doomed fate of becoming some lifeless doll, and god, you couldn’t forget him even if you wanted to. Malleus. He was the worst of all. You felt his nails and fingers constricting around your neck and squeezing out all the air, you saw his haunting green eyes with those slit pupils as he glowered at you with such anger and hate, and you heard what you had thought would be the last words you ever heard come from his lips––
“Hey!” 
You were torn out of those dark thoughts by the feline in your lap. A concerned frown tugged at Grim’s lips, but once he saw he had your attention, he mustered a slight grin as he held up what looked like an armful of snacks. At least, as much as he could carry in his small paws. From his grin, you could see his little fangs still covered in the remnants of the berries and flower petals.
“Look, I found your favorite! This is getting boring, so let’s just take a break!”
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Garden of Secrets [11] - Tuberoses
A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback and support my loves, it made my whole week, you’re amazing!❤ I hope you’ll like this chapter as well, and please don’t forget to tell me what you think, thank you! ❤
Thanks so much to @theskytraveler​ for helping me with the chapter!
Summary: A gift always has a meaning.
Warnings: Regency era society and social rules, some gender specific language and terms.
Word Count: 4100
Series Masterlist
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After a sleepless night, as you watched the first rays of sunlight spill into your room, you were sure of one thing;
Tonight was going to be absolute chaos.
You hadn’t liked attending balls even before all this but now that you and your betrothed had to pretend to be in love for the whole ton to see at the first ball you would attend?
You were more than ready to pretend to faint again just to avoid it.
Of course, you were the only person to feel that way. Between you and Benedict, you were the one who always found it hard to be or even sound friendly, Benedict on the other hand didn’t even have to try for the people to be drawn to him. You were beginning to feel like he could charm the whole room without so much as showing a little effort, so of course everyone was going to believe everything he said, including how in love he was.
Whereas you were going to have to show a lot of effort.
At least the wedding negotiations had been over in a day. Your uncle and Anthony -as the head of two families- had been quick with them and now all you and Benedict had to do was wait until the wedding which your aunt was very excited for.
“Y/N my dearest?”
You stopped dead in your tracks and peeked your head around the doorframe of the drawing room to look at your aunt who was writing a letter.
“Auntie?”
“Where are you going?”
“I told Lottie I would go to the florist with her,” you said. “She wants to buy flowers for her stepmother and the little ones, and for her own room.”
“Ah,” she said. “Did you decide what you will wear tonight at the ball?”
You leaned sideways to the doorframe. “Yes and it’s all ready. Paula laid them over.”
She smiled at you. “And are you very excited?” she asked. “It’ll be your first outing as a couple.”
You took in a breath and nodded. “Uh huh.”
“Everyone keeps asking me questions about you two but they really want to hear the details from you.”
You made a face. “I am aware.”
She shot you a knowing look.
“I know you’re not exactly fond of all that…attention,” she said softly. “And that you’d rather have your privacy until the wedding and afterwards.”
“Is it that obvious?”
“Oh painfully so,” she said with a small laugh, making you smile as well. “You do not have to tell them anything you do not wish to.”
You bit inside your cheek. “What if I wish to tell them nothing at all?”
“Then tell them nothing.”
You let out a bitter chuckle. “Oh of course. And I’m sure they will not insist.”
“Since when what people say to you affect your actions?” she asked and you shrugged your shoulders, biting at your nail.
“I don’t know anymore.”
“You’re in love and you’re getting married,” she said. “Tell them that. And if that’s not enough for them, they can just do what they’ve always done.”
“Which is?”
“Stay curious,” she said, winking at you and you scoffed a laugh.
“I shall make sure to tell them that,” you said as you pushed yourself off the doorframe. “I should go. I’ll bring you flowers though!”
“Oh you’re the sweetest,” she said, pressing a hand on her shoulder. “I’d like that a lot. Now go, you shouldn’t keep Miss Harlowe waiting.”
You nodded and made your way downstairs, then walked out of the house to get into the carriage.
                                                          *
The florist wasn’t very far so when you and Charlotte walked into it, she was still telling you about her latest suitor.
“And Mr. Greenway wanted to know what made Benedict break our courtship, can you believe it? He did not seem convinced when I told him there was no courtship.”
You ran your palm over the lavenders. “Your suitors make me want to stab them, honestly.”
“You and my papa seem to have that in common,” she said. “He keeps saying he does not wish to see me married and leave home.”
“And your stepmother?”
“Mama says I should only marry the one I love,” she said. “Like you and Benedict!”
You dragged your tongue over your teeth, keeping your gaze on the flowers.
“Are you very excited about the wedding, Y/N?”
“Uh huh,” you said before leaning in to smell the lavenders better. “Sure.”
She nibbled on her lip, rocking on the balls of her feet but remained silent, making you turn to her.
“Lottie?”
She bit down a smile. “Yes?”
“What is it?”
“I was just wondering,” she said. “If I could be your bridesmaid perhaps?”
You stared at her before a smile warmed your face, then you took a deep breath, narrowing your eyes in an attempt to look to be in deep thought.
“Hmm…” you said, “I may need to think of it.”
“Y/N!”
You scoffed a laugh and reached out to squeeze her hand.
“Lottie of course you will be my bridesmaid!” you said. “I would like to ask you to be my maid of honor, in fact.”
She let out a squeal and wrapped her arms around you to hug you, then pulled back.
“Of course!” she said. “I already have so many ideas about my gown, can it be pale blue do you think? I really like pale blue!”
“It’s your decision, I really will not mind whichever color you choose.”
“And your wedding gown?”
“I’m not certain yet,” you said after a beat. “There’s still time to think about it—you can buy these by the way. They’re good.”
She made her way to the counter to pay for the bunch, and you grabbed a bouquet of crocuses to do the same. The florist put them into a paper bag and gave it to you, and you both started walking towards the exit.
“You at least must have an idea about what your bridal bouquet,” she insisted. “Do you not?”
“Well I—” you started but then stopped in your tracks to approach the bouquets by the window.
“Aw they’re beautiful!” Lottie said. “What are those?”
“Tuberoses,” you said with a small smile, then leaned in to inhale the scent. “I like tuberoses.”
“Perhaps they can be your bridal bouquet!” she said and you pulled back from the flowers, then looked around.
“Perhaps— excuse me,” you said to the florist who approached you upon hearing you. “How much for a bouquet of these?”
The man stole a look at the flowers, then raised his brows.
“Those are tuberoses my lady.”
“Yes I know. How much?”
He shifted his weight and glanced at your hand. “My lady, I’m afraid I cannot sell them to you.”
You pulled your brows together and Lottie tilted her head to the left like a confused puppy.
“…Why not?”
“You’re unmarried, my lady.”
“She will be married soon!” Lottie chirped happily and your frown deepened.
“How is that relevant?”
“Tuberoses, my lady,” he said. “Unmarried ladies aren’t allowed to smell them or purchase them for that matter.”
Lottie’s hands flew to her face to cover her nose and mouth and you blinked a couple of times.
“But it will be my pleasure to sell them to you once you’re married—”
“I don’t understand,” you cut him off. “Why can’t I buy them now?”
“Tuberoses can awaken certain…urges my lady,” he said. “Urges that are not appropriate for unmarried ladies such as yourself.”
A small, muffled whine escaped from Lottie and you arched a brow, then batted your eyelashes, feigning complete innocence.
“What sort of urges?”
“My lady, they’re not—” he paused. “Not appropriate to think of.”
“Why not?” you asked but Lottie reached out to grab your arm with her free hand, then tugged at it.
“Thank you,” she said from behind her palm and pulled you to the other side of the shop near the door.
“Oh dear God I accidentally smelled it I think!”
“Lottie.”
“So did you!”
“Yes and nothing is going to happen—”
“Charlotte?” you heard a voice and you looked over your shoulder to see Anthony and Benedict by the door before they both stepped in. Anthony went straight to Charlotte and Benedict smiled at you, making your heart skip a beat before you nodded in his direction.
“What are you doing here?” you asked and Benedict motioned outside.
“We were just—Charlie, what are you doing?”
“We smelled a flower we weren’t supposed to.”
Anthony frowned. “What?”
“And now it’ll awaken certain urges.”
Benedict stared at her. “Charlie, what are you talking about?”
“The florist says unmarried ladies aren’t supposed to smell tuberoses and I accidentally smelled them,” she said, making you heave a sigh, looking up at the ceiling. “And so did Y/N!”
“Mine wasn’t accidental,” you deadpanned with a shrug of your shoulders and Benedict repressed a laugh.
“Really?”
“I’m still waiting for the explanation of what urges it will awaken,” you stated, looking around for the florist. “He was not done explaining, where is he?”
“Y/N,” Benedict said, his voice a playful warning and you grinned at him.
“What?” you asked. “I’m in terrible need of explanations.”
“You are in terrible need of taunting someone, more likely.”
“How dare you?” you asked, trying to adapt a solemn expression. “You’re trying to get in the way of true knowledge here, what would your beloved philosophers say—”
“I do not feel any different,” Lottie said, worry still etched in her tone as she lowered her hand and Anthony looked around, then grabbed a flower.
“There you go Charlotte,” he said. “Peonies. Your favorite.”
Charlotte took the red peony from him, a smile warming her face before she bit at her lip.
“You remembered!”
…Ah.
This was interesting.
The realization hit you so hard that it made your head snap up and you stared at them. Now it made sense why Anthony was so furious when he had approached you concerned about Charlotte after your engagement to Benedict. It made sense why he was so gentle around her, it made sense why Charlotte insisted he was the sweetest, it made sense—
He loved her, and she loved him, and you couldn’t tell if either of them was aware of it.
Everyone kept asking how Benedict hadn’t proposed to Charlotte in two years, what you wanted to know was how this idiot hadn’t proposed to her in those same two years.
You forced yourself to avert your gaze and cleared your throat.
“I cannot believe I’m not allowed to buy flowers because the florist is an idiot.”
“You don’t think it’s dangerous?”
“No,” you and Benedict said at the same time and Charlotte turned to you.
“And you’re not worried at all?”
“There’s nothing to worry about except for the lack of logic here,” you stated. “But then again, that’s not exactly uncommon in the ton, I’m getting used to it slowly like a frog in the hot water.”
Benedict’s smile was soft as a fond look crossed his eyes and you shifted your weight, then looked around.
“I’d better go,” you said. “Lottie?”
“Oh I’m coming of course,” she said. “I’ll see you both later.”
You and she walked out of the florist to make your way down the street and Lottie twirled the single peony between her fingers with a smile.
“Y/N?”
“Yes?”
“What do peonies symbolize?”
You stole a look at her. “Love and honor.”
“Oh,” she said quietly before inhaling the scent of the flower and you repressed a smile, then pulled her to the next shop.
By the time you returned to the house, you and Charlotte had spent at least three hours outside, first checking out the bookshop, then sitting at the teahouse. Spending time with her had put you in a better mood as usual, and you had almost forgotten about tonight’s ball until you passed through the door to your house and saw one of the maids carrying your coat for the night. You shook your head, making your way upstairs as you took the flowers into your hand and entered the drawing room.
“Pretty flowers for a pretty lady,” you said, making your aunt turn and her whole face lit up.
“Aw, Clover!” she said, taking them from you before kissing your cheek. “They are absolutely gorgeous my dear!”
You smiled back at her as she gave them to a maid for her to put them into a vase, then turned to you.
“I sent yours to your room.”
Your head shot up. “Hm?”
She winked at you. “Just go there and see.”
You pulled your brows together and walked out of the drawing room to make your way to your room, then opened the door to step inside but as soon as you saw what was on your desk, you stopped dead in your tracks.
Tuberoses.
You gawked at it before slowly approaching the bouquet in the vase, then leaned forward to take in the scent, your eyes fluttering close. A smile curled your lips as you opened your eyes, then tilted your head when the tiny envelope next to the vase caught your eye, so you reached out to open it and took out the small card.
I’d hate to get in the way of true knowledge.
Benedict.
A scoff of laughter escaped from you and you shook your head, then walked to fling yourself into your bed, painfully aware of the smile warming your face.
                                                *
The night hadn’t even started yet but you were more than ready to get back in the carriage and go home already. Nervousness was rushing through you and you desperately needed some fresh air before going into that chaos, so you took a look at the couple of people in the garden making their way to the big house, then turned to your aunt.
“Auntie, I uh…” you said. “Can I wait for Lottie first?”
“We can wait for her inside?”
“Well yes, but—” you cleared your throat. “After Whistledown’s article, people will ask me some questions about the betrothal, so I fear I won’t have the time to talk to her.”
She looked around. “Y/N, I’m not sure…”
“It’s a garden.”
“You’d still be alone.”
“Barely,” you said. “There are people here.”
“My dear, it’s night time and—”
“Lady Thorne,” Benedict’s voice reached you and you turned your head to see him, an inexplicable rush of relief washing over you for some reason. “Miss Y/N.”
“Mr. Bridgerton,” your aunt greeted him with a smile and glanced at you, heaving a sigh. “I suppose you can wait for Miss Harlowe here if Mr. Bridgerton is staying.”
You turned to look up at Benedict expectantly and he raised his brows.
“Yeah I can—I’m staying, definitely.”
You held your breath and motioned at him. “See, auntie? He’s staying.”
She thought for a moment, then clicked her tongue.
“Alright but,” she said, pointing at you two. “No going anywhere by yourselves.”
Benedict held up his hands, gesturing surrender and you shook your head fervently.
“Of course not.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, Lady Thorne.”
“You’re staying right here in the garden, you hear me?”
“Yes, of course. Right here.”
“We’ll follow this road to the ballroom,” Benedict motioned at the stone road. “Won’t even step anywhere else.”  
Your aunt narrowed her eyes at you two as if trying to see whether you two were lying, then shook her head.
“I will not be able to rest until you two are married,” she murmured and turned around, then made her way to the house. 
“Thank you,” you said, watching her enter the house and Benedict waved a hand in the air.
“Don’t mention it,” he said. “What’s going on?”
“I needed some fresh air before throwing myself into that gladiator pit,” you grumbled but before Benedict could even answer, Lady Anna -one of the ladies you had met when you were presented to the queen- approached you with her mama.
“Mr. Bridgerton!” her mama said. “Miss Y/N! Congratulations on your betrothal.”
Benedict shot her that irresistible crooked grin of his and bowed while Lady Anna glared at you, and turned to smile at him.
“What a hasty engagement though,” she said. “Barely anyone knew you two were in courtship.”
“Oh I was under the impression that everyone did, my lady,” Benedict said. “Thanks to Lady Whistledown.”
She let out a giddy giggle and her mother turned to you.
“Any idea when the wedding will be?” she asked you and you reminded yourself to smile.
“In a month,” you said. “Approximately.”
“I cannot wait to hear the full story from you!” she said. “We will see you inside of course?”
“Of course,” Benedict said and Lady Anna dropped a curtsy, then followed her mama to the house while you let out a breath and looked up at him.
“Get me out of here right now.”
“Way ahead of you,” he muttered, looking around. “Do you see that corner? Far end of the garden?”
“It’s such a lovely garden by the way,” you pointed out as you glanced at the flowers. “Now that you mentioned it. That being said, I feel like their gardener should take a look at the—”
“Y/N, focus.”
“Right,” you said and cleared your throat. “Yes I can see that corner.”
“There’s a bench there, we can go there when that carriage passes by here. You first—”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes I am serious— go now!” he whispered as he pushed you gently, making you repress the laughter bubbling up in your chest. You moved in the same direction as the carriage, using it to shield yourself from anyone else’s gaze before you rushed to the far end of the garden. Just as Benedict said, there was a bench in the dark half covered by the tree over it and you sat down, running a hand over your eyes.
It took a couple of minutes but soon enough you heard the footsteps and Benedict entered your sight, shooting you that mischievous grin and your heart skipped a beat but you frowned at yourself, sitting up straighter.
“May I?” he motioned at the bench and you scooted over to the side.
“Sure.”
He sat beside you and you heaved a sigh, leaning back on your palms, keeping your gaze on the sky before stealing a look at him.
“Do you think we’re actually pushing our luck?”
Benedict raised his brows and shrugged his shoulders.
“Luck pushed us first,” he said. “And honestly what are they going to do? Marry us twice?”
A laugh climbed up your throat but you covered your mouth to muffle to sound, making him smile. You lowered your hand and took a deep breath, your stomach doing a pleasant flip.
“Thank you by the way,” you said. “For the flowers.”
“Of course,” he said, his blue eyes gleaming in the dim moonlight. “Let me guess, you were overtaken by uh… what was it? Desires—”
“Inappropriate urges.”
“Yeah those, you were overtaken by inappropriate urges the moment you smelled them?”
A giggle managed to escape from you this time and you nodded.
“Certainly,” you said. “Still couldn’t get myself out of this ball though.”
“It won’t be that bad.”
You shot him a look. “Yes it will. Didn’t you see them just now?”
“It’s just until another scandal breaks out,” he said. “It’s the social season, I doubt we’ll have to wait that long.”
You pressed your palms into your eyes until you saw shiny dots in the darkness, then lowered them again.
“They’ll keep asking questions and I don’t like…” you trailed off and rubbed at your wrist. “I don’t like telling people things. Lies or not.”
Benedict nodded his head. “Send them my way.”
You scoffed. “Benedict—”
“No I’m serious,” he said. “You don’t owe anyone anything, much less an explanation. If they want to hear about it that much, they can come ask me.”
You tried to ignore the small smile threatening to pull at your lips and turned your gaze to look up at the moon again, still rubbing at your wrist absentmindedly. A peaceful silence fell upon you, the soft night breeze caressing your face and you heaved a sigh.
“Y/N?”
“Hm?”
Benedict cleared his throat. “I um…I got you something.”
You turned your head to look at him and he offered you a soft smile before reaching inside his jacket to pull out a rectangular box. Your eyebrows furrowed as you pulled back slightly.
“What’s that?”
“A gift.”
You eyed the sleek box, your frown deepening before you shook your head.
“No you can keep it, I don’t have anything to give you back.”
Benedict blinked a couple of times.
“I didn’t get it for – that would make it a trade,” he said helpfully. “It’s a gift.”
Your question was nearly a demand. “Why?”
“Because I wanted to?” he said like he was asking you back. “I saw it and thought of you.”
You looked up from the box at him. “What do you want in return?”  
“To repeat, that’s not how it—” he paused. “Has no one given you a gift before?”
You nibbled on your lip and shrugged your shoulders.
“Family,” you murmured and scoffed. “Some of them, that is.”
It’s a trick, a small voice in your said. He’ll want it back once you like it, as soon as he—
“I don’t want anything in return,” his voice cut through your thoughts and you tilted your head, your lips pulled into a pout.
“If you’re going to pull it back when I reach for it, I’ll leave.”
He stared at you for a moment as if he couldn’t tell whether you were jesting or not and he looked like he had a million of questions he wanted to ask, but in the end he decided otherwise.
“How about this?” he said. “I’ll just put it here. If you want you can open it, if not we can leave it here and go back to the ballroom.”
He placed the box between you and leaned back on the bench, crossing his arms as if he wanted to prove he wouldn’t make any sudden moves like pulling the box out of your reach. You hesitated for a second, then slowly reached out to take the box into your lap, then pulled at the ribbon and lifted the cover.
A breath left your lips as soon as you saw what was inside.
It was a pocket knife unlike any other you had seen so far. It was light, lighter than your current one and small figures of flowers were engraved on the handle, tiny rubies glimmering on silver. You flicked the knife, the blade coming out of its place instantly, and even in the dim light you could see just how sharp it looked before you pushed it back into its place, then turned to Benedict who was watching you with a soft look on his face.
“Thank you,” you said, unable to stop the smile on your face. “It’s very beautiful.”
He grinned at you. “I’m glad you like it.”
You pulled your pocket knife out of your cleavage before putting it beside you on the bench, then pushed your new knife into your cleavage, causing Benedict to instantly look up at the sky. You pursed your lips in order not to laugh, then slipped the silk skirt of your gown up your leg to tuck the old knife into your garter, painfully aware of Benedict stealing a look at you out of the corner of his eye. You fixed your skirts and turned to him to see him taking a deep breath, closing his eyes.
“Are you alright?”
“Mm hm,” he said, sounding a bit breathless for some reason and opened his eyes, then cleared his throat. “Yeah. Absolutely. Totally alright.”
A small spark ran down your spine and you arched a brow, tilting your head.
“Any inappropriate urges?”
“So many,” he said, his voice coming out like he was tormented and motioned around in a vague manner. “Tuberoses here somewhere.”
You bit down a smile, then got up from the bench and fixed your gown.
“Come on,” you said. “We should go back to the ballroom, I don’t want to be a part of yet another scandal.”
You stood on your tiptoes to take a look at the garden to see whether anyone would see you together when you walked in there but by some miracle it seemed empty enough. Judging by the music reaching even there, dancing had started already and probably everyone who was invited was already inside, dancing and socializing.
“Right,” Benedict said and stood up as well, then threw his shoulders back and offered you his arm. “To the gladiator’s pit we go then.”
“Should be interesting,” you murmured and placed your hand over his arm, that familiar warmth spreading through you and you took a shaky breath, then you both started walking to the house.
Chapter 12
924 notes · View notes
heartshapedbubble · 9 months
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Could I perhaps have something like those 2 long and well written Joseph and Luchino fic but with Soul Catcher? Thank you🙏
anon i am SO SORRY this took so long you might as well have my first born
also english isn't my first language so please have mercy on me i know i reuse the same words over and over 😔 reqs like these sadly clog my inbox even tho i like writing them so i'm gonna do something about them after i empty it!!
my very own prince charming, a soul catcher fanfic🧲☠️
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cw for vomit mention in case you have emetophobia, reader's gender not specified although soul catcher uses a few spanish pet names (nouns) that are gendered because haha language rules, not proofread, warning for intense corniness, this is very bad i apologize, ALSO VERY LONG
-------------------------------------------------------
~
There are amazing forces of Attraction and Repulsion between souls; just like when fate guides some people together and causes others to part.
~
After a period of indecisive skimming through the bookshelf, you picked out a thick, hardcover book.
You'd consider yourself quite picky regarding books - just a flashy cover and a taunting description wouldn't do it for you. A beautiful, elegant maiden and a handsome, charming prince were just one-dimensional props in the story, and you found all of those "new " and "wonderful " fantasy worlds described and mapped out on the front page generic and bland. You always seeked out something new, something that would leave you thirsting and longing for each damned word pressed onto the yellowing paper, make your fingers trail over dozens of pages in mere minutes. Yet, considering your little town in the south was limited to just one small, dusty library, finding such books would be considered an extreme sport.
So for now, you had to be satisfied with the usual, popular literature that the townsfolk read.
But today was special - you weren't in the mood for something new, or something outstanding, in fact you'd even say you wanted to read something normal. Something you could nonchalantly mention to your friends during afternoon coffee, with a plot so malleable and simple it would be woven around your conversation like it was nothing. The misadventures of a rookie knight, or the sorrows of a young, noble lady, all interpreted differently and abstractly and able to be swiftly analyzed and twisted over a cup of overly sweet coffee. Although the pile of smooth, newly released paperbacks at the entrance intrigued you, a minute later you found yourself squished between two dusty, polished wooden shelves, inspecting the book you just picked out.
Well, you didn't know you'd stoop that low, but what caught your eye right now was a book of fairy tales and fables. It was an old release, presumably donated to the library considering the oil stains on the brown paper that wrapped itself around the thick leather cover. Although worn out by time and basically crumbling from the outside, on the inside the lettering was flawless and written in an old, thick cursive, and simply bringing your face closer to the text would bless you with the scent of old, yet well kept books - the fresh smell of walnuts and baldachin beds and white cotton dresses, and even lilac bushes in the spring. Although all of these associations were of a life unknown to you, for some reason they made you feel at home.
There was another reason for you picking out this particular book - a reason you'd rather carry with you to your grave out of pride, unable to bend your head down and admit it. When life got unbearable and overbearing and the only way you felt safe and well was under heavy linen bedsheets or in the shade of the old pear tree, you'd curl up and indulge in the exact same books you usually despise. A humbling experience, indeed, but at times where safety and love were most neccessary fantasies were the quickest, most low-key way of getting what you needed the most at the moment. Projecting your being onto the flat sheet of a protagonist, you'd visualise yourself instead of them, you being the one kissing the hero's fading scars or having your hair braided by the thin, nimble fingers of the king's son. The amount of scenarios was neverending, and, well, if you couldn't get your fix with all these readily available options, you felt like you're doomed.
The book was now set inside your trusty linen bag while you were walking home. Oddly, the usually loud and populated city market was silent and not a soul could be seen out on the street, not even a head popping out of the window or a hand reaching for the hanged clothes that hung on the ropes high above the rocky path. While you were crossing the town bridge, you decided to stop to take a deep breath and enjoy for a bit, now that you weren't being pushed onward by the citizens and the merchants that usually piled behind you.
It does take a while to learn savor things, doesn't it? It takes until adolescence until the dark chocolate on your tongue unveils its rich, deep and bitter flavor, until you learn how special that first sip of morning coffee is and how good of a feeling it is to simply have another hand wrapped around yours. Same goes for nature, you thought to yourself as you looked over the bridge, watching the river speed under the arch and the plants inside of it wave around like silk scarfs. Without the noise pollution, you were finally able to hear the satisfying noises of the water sloshing over the rocks, droplets hitting each other every second. Without a second thought, you laid beside the edge of the bridge, your bag lazily hanging off of your wrist, and let yourself get lulled to sleep by the melody of the current.
That is, until the straps of the bag slipped off of your wrist.
Fuck.
You immediately jumped to your feet in panic, looking around for your bag. Yet, it was too late. It was nowhere to be found - it was probably already driven away by the river, taken to god-knows-where.
Well, it's not like you weren't aware of the risk. But your heart still ached - that was not your book, after all. And what a beautiful, old edition it was as well! There was no way you'd be able to properly apologize to the librarian, unless....
"Oye, muñeca, ta libre."
You jumped at the sudden voice whispering at your ear. You were sure no one was around here except you... or maybe..?
Slowly turning around, your face was met with another, yet wider, lathered with paint and shaded by the hat above's enormous brim. As the face moved away from yours and the person straightened their back, you found yourself gazing up and down at - what seemed to be, at least - a tall, youngish man, couldn't be above 28. Dressed in gaudy purple, green and black, adorned with flowers and gilded accessories, he looked like a living puppet, his chest and shoulders wide and his waist slim, proportions of a wooden harlequin they sold during the holiday season in the toy shop. Hanging off of his wrist was your beloved linen bag, the forsaken book inside still in tact, not a single droplet of water blemishing the paper.
"Who...? How did you...?" You muttered nonsense, as your arms needily reached for the bag that he gently waved around. Props to the visuals, but you had your priorities.
"It's all reflexes, sugar. Was taking a nap underneath the bridge, you know, all that wandering around numbs out your legs, and your little sack here just happened to fall close enough to my hand for me to grab it in time. Be a little more careful next time, will you, doll?" The man-puppet replied nonchalantly as he tossed the bag into your arms.
"Thank you, I- wait, what?" You quickly snapped out of your daze. "Napping? Under the bridge? "
"Don't judge it before you try it", he whistled, crossing his arms behind his head, "The cobblestone ain't the comfiest, but it does wonders for your back."
You sneered at his carefree expression, as if lying under a bridge was the most normal thing to do. Who exactly was this fellow, and who did he think he was?
"And you expect to believe me all that?"
"Hm?" He jolted a bit, not expecting a question, maybe a compliment, but definetly not a skeptical remark.
"Napping under a bridge? Seriously? You catching my bag is impressive, yes, but there's no way it was that much of a skillful feat. You probably dozed by the river's shore and suddenly found a bag by your side like any other guy at this hour. Who are you even, some wannabe-show-off-superhero?"
To your suprise, he just smirked back at you, lowering his torso until his face was just inches away from yours. So close, you could feel his warm breath on your cheeks, and his raspy voice rumbled inside your ears.
"How about you take a wild guess."
Stumped by his question, you took a few steps back. Your eyes now digesting his form in his entirety, you rubbed your chin as you gazed up and down at the man, posing, obviously very into the careful stare you were dissecting him with.
"Enjoying the view, hm, azúcar? "
"Give me a break! I'm trying to focus." You mumbled, panicking a bit, sensing that your cheeks started to flame up. To be honest - even under all that fabric and thick paint, he was quite a looker. The black paint defined his jawline in all the right places, and man, that silly outfit of his was tailored pretty damn well, gripping his legs and his biceps enough to define them nicely.
Although visually he was as fancy as a rich man's birthday cake, nothing seemed to pop out from his outfit, as if every embroidered piece of textile and every golden stud was carefully planned out. However, upon better inspection, one of them seemed to take the cake - it was the small shiny skull on top of his hat, shaped like a squished pear, a few nails stabbed into it like birthday candles. The cherry on top of it all - metaphorically and literally.
"The skull on your hat... looks like a well-made prop to me. You're some kind of entertainer, huh?"
A playful smile appeared on the lad's lips, yet it wasn't a confirming one. "You're getting closer, but no, not exactly."
"Street musician?"
"I can be one if you desire, but it's not exactly my main job."
"Actor?"
"Only behind the scenes, dear. But I can see by the look in your eye that you're going to head in the right direction." This little guessing game seemed to amuse him to no end.
"With all that flashy wear, it seems fair to assume you might even be some kind of high-end magician, performing for nobles or aristocrats. Or some wannabe wizard."
He bit his lip, the smile widening with each guess. He seemed more excited about this than you were.
A flower painted around his left eye. A belt fastened around his waist, with a big golden buckle. Sheer black gloves covering his hands in their entirety, bones painted in gold on his knuckles and fingers.
A glowing ring - no, a disk - hanging from the side of his belt, rocking with the movement of his hips.
Wait. It couldn't be. The disk looked too...
"Hold on a second. You couldn't be..."
"Sí, muñeca? "
"Are you..."
Before you could even finish your sentence he grinned from ear to ear and inched even closer to you, his nose now touching yours, as if he just managed to read your mind.
"Bingo."
~
The legend of the Soul Catcher was told times and times again, twisted and folded like fresh taffy to suit every possible scenario in one's life. To children, it was told to scare them into going to bed in time. To teenagers, it was told to ward them off from the forest at the edge of the town. To young adults, it was told to motivate them into becoming independent and to work hard. To newlyweds, it became a prayer, to protect the newly formed family and to bring safety to their home. He was not the Reaper, but if a soul was left astray, detached from the body it resided in, everyone knew well that once the Soul Catcher gets his hands on it, that it won't be back ever again. He was both a devil and a saint, a villain and a vigilante - but one thing was sure, he was well respected. No one knew if it was out of fear or out of genuine admiration. And what was even weirder - not a single person was sure if he ever actually existed.
Not a single adult, at least.
The legend was not a new one, in fact, it has been told for a little less than a century. If you were to have a little extra patience and attention, you could hear the town's elders occassionally mumble about seeing him as a child in the forest, or him visiting them in a dream. But their interpretations varied from tale to tale - he went from a spirit, to a ghoul, to simply an omen, either good or bad. Since the townspeople couldn't agree on a single, concrete definition, the Soul Catcher remained a concept, embodied by what seemed to be multiple entities.
However, if you were to ask a child about the Soul Catcher, you'd get a much more vivid and universal description than anything an adult could tell you. All of them were along the lines of "magical jester", and what was weirder, almost all of the children confessed that the Soul Catcher played with them. And no, it wasn't just a single sighting, he played with multiple kids at once, even going as far to balancing three of them on his shoulders and telling them stories. During the hot, damp afternoon hours of the summer, huge groups of children snuck out of their homes just to play with him. When their mothers soaked their cramped hands and their fathers took their first break after the morning shift, their beloved kids were out on the dusty streets, carefully following every word seeping off of the Soul Catcher's silver tongue.
The only thing that bound the varying opinions and theories of both the young and the old was the trusty disk that always hung by his hip, rumored to be the tool he used to attract and harvest souls. And this same legendary disk was now hanging off of the belt of the man in front of you, green and purple mist enveloping it.
The myth himself, in the flesh, in front of you.
"You were quicker than I thought you'd be. Bravo, dollface." He smiled and patted your head. "If we ignore your initial hostility, you seem quite confident in the fact that i'm the real deal. Mind telling me why?"
"Well, you don't see someone parading around with THE exact disk that the Soul Catcher uses. Everyone agrees on the main description of its appearance, but to be completely fair, no one around here is skilled enough to make a replica that's convincing enough."
"I see. It's nice to see somebody with both the wits and the pretty face." He chuckled. Who would have known that he's such a flirt? Nontheless, to your shame your face lit up at his silly compliment. There was just something about him that made you weak in the knees.
"Alright. I believe I should prove you I'm the real thing now." He unhooked the disk from his belt, spun it around in his hand, and hopped a few steps away from you. He pointed the disk at your chest, positioning himself as if he's getting ready to react to a suprise attack. You didn't know what he was trying to do, but you felt as if you shouldn't make a sound or even object to it.
A tension-filled silence wrapped around you two for 20 seconds. After 10 more which seemed more like 10 minutes, you felt your body move. Move, although your legs were planted at the same spot they were before. Your head ached and pulsed, you felt dizzy as if your intestines were tying themselves into knots. To be sick without actual pain, to move without any movement, what was he doing to you? If this keeps up, you might just end up vomiting out your stomach along with its contents. It was like being carsick, except the sickness rumbled not only through your abdomen, but through each one of your limbs as well.
"Here, I stopped. It's all over. Sorry for this."
The headache seemed to halt, and your body was back to normal, yet your hands and legs still felt a bit sore. He was now above you, his hand stretched out to your sides in case you lost your balance.
"...What did you just do to me?" You yawned, trying to stand up straight again.
"What you just experienced was your soul being harvested from your, already inhabited, body. I usually refrain from doing this, but I felt like I should let anyone that witnesses me up close go through this. Y'know, I want to be honest with people. That although they've seen me in the flesh and talked to me, they're fully aware of what I can do so they can prevent themselves from getting harmed."
"Does this imply you sucked someone's soul out from their living body?"
"Maybe", he shamefully turned his head away, "but it was never on purpose. Usually it was them reaching for the disk, or trying to see it up close. It pains me, since in most cases it's nearly impossible to return the original soul to its old body."
An awkward silence ensued.
"Sorry for ruining the mood, I felt like I needed to warn you first."
"Oh no, seriously, it's alri-"
"May I walk you to your house, jewel?"
"Huh?"
"You heard me the first time." He extended his hand, waiting for your next move.
~
What a peculiar man, indeed. First he tries to suck out the life out of you to give you a heads-up, and then he offers to walk you home like a gentleman.
And you'd be lying if that offer didn't sound thrilling. So now, your hand was intertwined with his, you trying to slow down as much as possible to make the moment last.
"I realized I had forgot to ask for your name. My apologies. Not very gentlemanly of me, isn't it?"
"Oh, I don't mind it. It's ____."
"___..." He looked up at the sky, rubbing his chin, as if he was trying to remember something, your name echoing on his lips multiple times.
"Pretty name, but it doesn't ring a bell. You're not among the horde of youth that I visit, are you?"
"Nope. I'd say i'm more of a loner most of the time. I like socializing and all, but nothing's like a good book that you can read in one sitting."
"I figured. No way in hell I'd forget such a cute face like yours, even if I saw it for a split second." He smiled and pinched your nose. If his plan was to drive you insane, he was incredibly effective.
"How come people have such different reports about you? Can you shapeshift?" Trying to lead a conversation with him felt like navigating through a mine field - there were no known limits, no known good or bad questions, or any shared topics you two could talk about. But you'd lie if you said it didn't excite you - waiting for his response, never being able to predict the next word that will come out of his mouth.
He sighed. "If you wore the same pair of pants every day, wouldn't you get tired of it?"
"I suppose..?"
"Well, yeah. It's that. Mix it with hallucinations the brain dials up once it's met with something outside the world it knows, and here's your answer. I'm no sprite or shapeshifter, just a regular guy who made a regrettable deal years ago. I might have the powers of the dead on my side, but at what cost?"
You shrugged. As much as you wanted to quiz him and get him to talk about himself, right now biting your tongue and playing it cool seemed like the best idea. Getting deeply invested in his life might not lead to good places.
"So... you're one of those so-called bookworms, hm? You've been carrying a book inside that bag of yours the entire time, too." You could feel his hand slip from yours, trailing across your arm to your shoulder, then to the other, gripping it softly. His touch felt warm on your skin, very human and real despite what he did for a living.
"...Yeah. In fact, I was just on my way from the library back at the bridge where I met you. I just borrowed it." You smiled shyly, holding the bag tightly in your arms. Knowing his curiosity and boldness, a feeling of panic unfolded in your chest, dreading what he might say next.
"Mind me taking a peek at what you're reading?"
Aaand this was it. The moment you prayed will not happen, but his chin was already resting on your shoulder, trying to get a peek at the contents of the bag.
"H-hey, hey! Back off! That book's my business, after all!" You giggled, holding it tighter and tighter, trying to laugh off your growing anxiety. If there's one person that you wouldn't like knowing about your little self-indulgent hobby, then it was Soul Catcher. But your tightest grip was easily undone by his loosest, and now your book was in his left hand, clumsily open, and the digits of his right were buried in the strands of your hair, holding your head away with careful but great strength. Even with your annoyed and panicked groans and your hands clawing at him, he simply couldn't miss the opportunity to steal a look at a few titles.
"Calm down there, you're acting as if it was a pipe bomb that you were carrying!" He chuckled, trying to stay composed as his body lost balance under your pushes and pulls. Yet your delight was short-lived, as only a second was needed for him to spread the pages open with his thumb and smugly read some of the titles out loud.
"Cinderella, Rapunzel, Sleeping Beauty... seems like someone's a sucker for Prince Charming, hm?" He snickered, but gave in to your pleas and dropped the book right into your sack.
"Would it hurt your pride to not dig through others' stuff?" You hissed, patting the bag in relief. "A-and is there something so wrong with indulging in childhood comfort anyway?"
"Oh, not only would it hurt it, it would kill it. Besides, something tells me that this little guilty pleasure of yours goes beyond just childhood comfort", he whistled in his usual self-satisfied tone, yanking at his suspenders, "But hey, who am I to say?"
"Oh, does it?" You gave him a taste of his own medicine, grimacing right at his face, making sure each word rumbled through his skull. "Well, what if I told you that such absurd assumptions are indeed incredibly untasteful, especially when left unelaborated? Just imagine how much of a hit that could be to your fragile ego..."
"¡Dios mío! You couldn't possibly...!" He dramatically threw his head back. At least something was true - he really was an actor behind the scenes. "Oh lord, it truly seems like the only way to make it up for you, your majesty, is to explain myself beneath your ice-cold gaze, like an accused pauper chained and laid before the king!"
Both of you laughed away at your ridiculous actions.
He cleared his throat, after a good minute of dying from laughter. "O-okay, where were we? Ah, yes, your dirty little secret." With his hands crossed behind his back and his gaze innocently directed at the sky, it seemed like this was a touchy subject for him, too. "Well, from all my previous experiences with people, I noticed that a lot of them like to fantasize about, well, a world where everything is just better - usually some kind of unrealistic fairytale utopia. It helps them feel better about their problems, especially during adolescence." His eyes briefly shifted to yours, watching them as if he's waiting for you to point out a fuck-up nested in his wording.
"Alright, continue...?"
"And, uhm, although fairy tales are meant for kids and all and are read by them, these same adolescents use them as a vessel for said utopias, or simply, a medium."
His lips were pressed into a firm line, waiting for your feedback.
"Bravo, jester", you treated him with a teasing smile, ruffling the stray locks of hair peeking out from his hat, "You got yourself out this time."
"Well then, call me Houdini." He smiled back, scratching the back of his neck. "Jeez, even though that fantasy thing should have gotten into my skull for the most part, I still can't fathom what's so special about the Prince Charming trope.. It's so annoying! Are y'all really drooling over the same guy in different fonts?"
"To be fair, it leaves a lot to the imagination. You can interpret him however you like, twist his personality to your liking."
"But that's exactly why it's horribly overused! Dressing every fictional man in a suit of already desired personalities is... boring! No variety, no depth - nothing! Do they really not find real people with actual lives, emotions, thoughts and opinions more appealing?"
It was a bit funny, him getting worked up over this, as if he was deeply insecure about it. You decided to fuel the fire a bit.
"Well, what does your average Prince Charming have that, let's say, I lack?"
"A great personality?"
"Oh, come on. Now you're just being mean." He sighed, traces of laughter in his sigh. "Damn you, muñeca." You chuckled.
"Big muscles?"
"These babies don't look defined to you?" He pouted jokingly, flexing his arm. Shit. Your face warmed up for a bit. For a second, a satisfied grin appeared on his face, liking the reaction he coaxed out of you through your composed armour.
"Strength and brave- AH!" You didn't even get to finish your sentence, and a moment barely passed, but his left arm was already wrapped around your calves, his right under your arm and around your back, his body leaned into yours and suddenly - you were hanging off his shoulder stomach-down, like a potato sack. "Oh my god yo- put me down!"
He whistled, holding you down to supress your squirming. "Strong enough for you, doll?"
"Not fair..." You groaned, lifelessly plopping onto him.
"You didn't answer my question~"
"Yes. Strong enough." It was quite enjoyable up on his shoulder, actually. After the initial panic passed it became nice, the rhythmic bouncing of his walk lulling you to sleep. You could get used to this.
"Now that's music to my ears." He showed no sign of letting go any time soon, perhaps he liked the smell of your perfume on your neck, and your weight resting on top of him, like a thick winter blanket.
"Since you've already decided to pick me up, would you be kind enough to carry me to my house?" You mumbled, your eyelids already feeling heavy. "That house, over there." Pointing at the tall, cobblestone house, you yawned.
"Entiendo, sirenita."
~
"How did you- actually, you know what? Nothing can suprise me anymore. You climbed up my balcony, didn't you?"
The sun was setting, and Soul Catcher was leaning against the railing of your balcony, your bag thrown around his frame.
"Actually I slid off the roof, but you're not that far off, beautiful." Every time your name was replaced - or you were simply called by - a soft pet name coming from his mouth, you felt as if your stomach would explode. Something about the way he spoke sent shivers down your spine, whispering endearments to you like you're the only person remaining in the world along with him. And whenever he read and peered through your façade as your face turned red and your breathing got deeper, he took a step further, engaging in the sensual, mental tango forming around you two. "I forgot to return your bag. Sorry."
"It's alright. I appreciate that you went out of your way for me." Gosh, the way you tortured him! Whenever he was smooth and flirtly and you punched him in the face with your kind, unfiltered smile instead of flirting back, it was like his heart was momentarily shattered into pieces and then bound again. The irresistable two-step of games and suave words was driving him insane and momentarily, in his mind it was your face, and your body, and your voice that called for him and your coldness clashing with his warmth, and it was making him dizzy. Behind his eyes, his brain was melting, and his heart was no different. To fall so quickly for a stranger - well, it's no secret that he's been depraved of actual love and affection beyond one night stands and empty promises to dozens of lovers from different times - was nothing new to him, but this attachment was not the same, it was permanent, stable, and wasn't going away any time soon.
"So, ___..." You turned quickly. When it was just your name and not something snarky on his lips, it seemed more important. "...You got any plans for the evening?"
"Oh- not really. Do you, though?"
"Not a plan, but rather an idea, a proposition, even." His voice was breathier as if he was nervous, coughing up the words from his chest. "If you want to, we could, y'know, watch the sunset together. I'm quite fond of sunsets myself, so I was wondering..."
"So you're proposing a date?" A date. As if he flinched when he heard the word.
"Well, yeah, a date, if you want to call it that." He said as he bit his lip. "Are you up?"
"Why not?" You whispered, creeping slowly towards him. "That sounds like a nice way to spend the evening."
"I'm glad." he smiled. In that little moment all of his confidence returned, and now his voice was clear again and he was back on his feet, jumping on top of the railing like the most skilled of acrobats and making his way to the roof. "You're coming, no?"
"And how exactly do you want me to come?"
"Grab my hand. Come on." His hand hanged from above, pushed as far as possible to reach you. "I'll pull you up."
You gulped. Heights remained a minor fear of yours ever since childhood, and having to face said fear head-first out of nowhere wasn't very appealing. "But what if I fall?"
"Believe me, muñeca, you won't."
"How can you be so sure!?"
He took a deep breath, trying to speak as gently as possible to calm you down.
"Trust me, ___. It's my hand around yours, no one elses, and my strength that's going to pull you up. I'm here for you. Please."
You didn't know when, you didn't know how, but the height suddenly stopped being a problem and, in a flashing moment, you were in his arms, being pulled to the middle of the roof.
~
"The clouds are such a beautiful color today. Light pink, as if they're crowning the sun before the moon rises."
Your back facing him, his chin on your shoulder, his breath on the nape of your neck.
"It's even more beautiful right before it goes down. They turn blood red, melting with the sky."
His arms wrapped around you, your hand around his wrist, your legs thrown over his.
"Do you have to go soon?" You whispered with a heavy heart.
"I should go." He suddenly stopped. "But I don't want to."
"Please. Stay for another moment."
He pulled you closer and closer to him, now his mouth right by your ear.
"Of course. A moment."
And it was more than a moment.
And more than an hour.
And only the crescent moon was the witness, and what it saw was sealed for eternity once the sun rose on the horizon again.
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scretladyspider · 11 months
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“Why is there a need for microlabels like demisexual or gray ace? Isn’t that just the asexuality spectrum? Why not just say you’re asexual?”
Let’s talk about the asexuality spectrum and why specificity in labels under asexuality can make a difference—
Asexuality refers to “little to no sexual attraction”. For some aces (short for asexuals), the ‘no sexual attraction’ part of that definition completely serves their needs in a queer label. This is the definition most unfamiliar with asexuality immediately think of.
And I want to be clear that that’s great! It’s a wonderful thing that there’s a word for ‘no sexual attraction’ and that we have more resources addressing this difference as a sexual orientation. Labels are tools. If you find one you like, that resonates with you, use it!
The expectation for sexual attraction is ever present. In the words of Alice Olivia Scarlett, “Love without sex is a difficult concept for society…there are still people who believe that sex is a biological need of the same importance as food and water.”
Our world demands sexual attraction — most often cisgender, heterosexual, heteroromantic attraction to the opposite gender. This expectation exists in queer spaces also, even if gender and sexual orientation are less rigid. Asexuality proudly counters that.
Celebrating differences in a world that says you shouldn’t exist is literally life saving. According to Healthline, “a 2019 study found that LGBTQ people who reported more connectedness to the LGBTQ community were less likely to report suicidal behavior.”
Returning to the definition of asexuality: there are people with no sexual attraction who are served by that part of the definition. They are the black stripe on the asexual flag. There are four stripes —black, gray, white, and purple.
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That gray stripe allows for the spectrum, for those experiences that may include rare and/or conditional sexual attraction. This is the reason the definition includes “little to” in its “little to no sexual attraction”. Asexuality with an asterisk, an exception.
In 2003, AVEN founder David Jay proposed semisexual:
“If anyone wants to play a fun game, go to some queer-ass conference (called something like “transcending boundaries”) and play a game where you try to think up a term/identity for every letter of the alphabet. When you do you’ll be forced to think up new, interesting ideas like: Semisexual. It occurs to me that we’ve got a spectrum of sexual intensity, but we don’t yet have a word for those who are halfway in between asexual and full-force sexual. I’d say that this is extremely important: right now we don’t have a way to talk about people who are asexual but maybe feel like being sexual once a year, or sexual people who are just relatively uninterested and don’t know what to do about it. Thoughts?”
This lead to further discussion on asexuality being viewed as a spectrum. In 2006, AVEN forum user KSpaz coined the term “gray A” to refer to a “fuzzy” connection to asexuality. Many others related to this “fuzzy” experience and it became accepted as graysexual/gray ace:
“Alright, so don't know if this term is already around, but if not, I'm coining it now.Gray-A. Is there really a line at which point you are asexual?According to our logo there isn't. Just fuzziness.So, this thread I dedicate to our fuzzy members who may sometimes feel unsure of their asexuality/sexuality.Share your views, stories, whatever makes you think you'd like to call yourself Gray-A.I'll start:In simple terms, I have hetero attractions, can experience physical pleasure, and am indifferent (as opposed to repulsed) to the idea of having sex if it is with someone I care for (though can't imagine it for any situation without utmost trust involved). I don't get turned on and jump my boyfriend, but will respond to him in touchy ways and am pleased to do so willingly, because it does feel nice. If we never had sex, I would have no problem. But if we do some day, I probably won't mind, and may enjoy it to a degree. I call myself asexual, because I am, and because I choose my label.
In February 2006, the user sonofeazel coined the term ‘demisexual’, writing in a thread about their experiences,
…If “sexual” is for both and “asexual” is for neither, maybe we need a new term for people who only have one but not the other? I propose “demisexuals”.
In 2008, OwlSaint proposed the idea of what we now refer to as demisexual, which is when someone would only experience sexual attraction under the circumstance of a close emotional bond.
A demisexual is, in my book at least, someone who does not experience sexual attraction to people in general. I’ve yet to see a single person and think “hot” or “10 out of 10” or “I’d like to hit that”. Sex with someone rarely crosses my mind and when it does it’s usually more along the lines of “could i force myself to with…. ew no”. In that respect, I can and do identify as asexual. However, with someone I’m in love with, it’s completely different, and I might as well be a “full fledged” sexual, but only with that one person. Full fledged meaning actually desiring sex, both for the physical and emotional aspect, being attracted to that special someone, and feeling sexual arousal in terms of wanting to do something on multiple levels instead of simply the biological reflex or “ugh not again”.
Without that “little to” part of the definition of the “little to no sexual attraction” definition of asexuality, there are a lot of people who really wouldn’t have a word for what they are. Asexual would almost fit, but feel like a shrunken sweater; something’s not quite right.
When you almost belong somewhere but don’t entirely, it can feel very isolating. Like you’re not doing “you” right. This is where that specificity comes into play. It gives room for those in that gray space to breathe, a seat at the table when before there was just standing room.
In the words of blogger Siggy in 2012, a self identified gray ace,
Lots of people come to the asexual community, find lots of experiences to identify with, and are glad to finally have a word to describe themselves. But some of those people will feel that they don’t technically fit into the definition of asexual. Are these people supposed to abandon the possibility of a self-identity because of a technicality? Are they to permanently feel like outsiders to the asexual community?
“Gray-A” is a solution to these questions. A gray-A is someone who finds asexuality to be a useful idea, in the sense that it approaches a self-description, even if it does not quite fit. This allows a space where you can have an identity, fit on the ace spectrum, and feel at home in your community, without being disqualified by an arbitrary definition.
There are many, many terms under the asexuality spectrum that delve into specific experiences, some of which go into the gray area and some that do not but that still describe a very specific experience. There is an effort to put language to the unknown, to be better understood.
Even within those served by the definition of no sexual attraction, there is nuance to language discussing specific relationships to sex and sexuality. Terms that describe individual favorability towards sex, or that describe importance of tertiary attraction, for example.
This thread focused on demisexual and graysexual because they’re more widely used. But it’s worth noting these labels do not serve everyone who exists in that in between space. Here is an expanded list of asexuality spectrum labels by asexuals.net.
I personally also use “gray ace” or just “ace” if I don’t feel like explaining myself. But that’s just me. Everyone is different. Everyone is served by different pieces of language and labels. Some are served best by no labels at all. There’s no wrong way to label your aceness.
Labels are magnets on your queer fridge. You can put as many on there as you feel are right for you, and if you stop liking one, you can take it off and stick it in your magnet drawer.
And that gray area? It matters. If you belong in it, you are welcome in ace spaces. I promise.
if you liked this post you can support me on patreon this pride month 🏳️‍🌈
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pandoa · 2 years
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"the language of ily"
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lilia teaches malleus the wonders of modern texting slang. but when his child of man sends him a strange text that says “ily”, he struggles to find the meaning behind (Y/n)’s peculiar acronym. 
~malleus draconia x gender neutral reader~
warnings: none!
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“So,” Malleus stared at Lilia in awe, “the children of men have deliberately established their own mailing language as a means for more efficient and simpler messaging techniques?”
Lilia quietly chuckled at the boy’s cluelessness. “Well, yes, but it’s more of a texting language rather than mailing, I would say. It’s electronic, fufufu.”
“Incredible…” The Diasomnia dorm leader glanced at the small device laying on his lap with pure mesmerisation. Humans were a fascinating kind, no doubt. Though, even with the longer life span he had compared to the non-fae beings, Malleus could never fully comprehend the mechanisms of modern technology. “Say, Lilia…” the fae prince said hesitantly, “do you think you could teach me this ‘texting language’ of the children of men? (Y/n) is often around that Heartslabyul student, I believe his name is Cater Diamond, and occasionally uses these intriguing terms to converse with their friends.” Malleus averted his gaze with an uncharacteristic sense of embarrassment shown within his body movement. “I wish to understand at least some of these terms.”
Lilia’s face lit up with exhilaration. His young prince had a crush! On the prefect, at that! Wiping off the proud tears from his ruby-colored eyes, he craned his head up to Malleus. “Of course, I will teach you! My days of gaming late into the night with online users have paid off, hehe~”
Sliding closer to the housewarden’s figure, Lilia proceeded to explain the many acronyms, slang, and emoticons to the astounded heir of Briar Valley in vivid detail.
“Now this, Malleus, is what internet users type when they are uncontrollably laughing at a message. It stands for ‘Rolling on Floor Laughing.’” Lilia intelligently pushed up his imaginary pair of glasses.
“Am I required to truly roll on the floor as I laugh to make this acronym accurate when I use it?”
Lilia paused, pondering on his prince’s question before replying with a playful, “Yes.”
Ding!
The younger fae flinched from his seat at the sudden sound of his phone ringing. “Oh! Apologies for the interruption, but my child of man has delivered me an electronic letter.”
“It’s called a text, dear Malleus, but go on.” Lilia, who was now conveniently behind Malleus, had begun scanning the blinding phone screen in search of anything he found amusing. “What have they sent?”
“It is a strange acronym with the letters I, L, and Y. I’m afraid I do not understand.” Malleus dejectedly stared at his device, looking quite similar to an endearing puppy pouting at his genuine confusion.
Having enough of the housewarden’s sulking, however, was Lilia as he placed a contemplating finger under his chin, utilizing a portion of his brainpower to help the younger fae.
I, L, and Y… Could it be? 
“Ah, yes! Of course!” The prince’s caretaker jolted up in excitement after a small moment of silence as he deciphered the adorable acronym you had sent. How cute! Clasping his hands together, Lilia exclaimed with a slight skip to his step in joy. “Malleus, this is great news! It means ‘I love you.’”
“I have a deep affection for you as well, Lilia. You have been my caretaker ever since I was a small fae, so that seems self explanatory. But what does this have to do with my child of man?” 
Exhaling in discouragement, Lilia vigorously shook his head from side to side. The mage before him had significantly misunderstood his statement. “No, no, Malleus. (Y/n) is saying ‘I love you’ in that message.”
“Why would they feel the need to inform me of your emotions?”
Oh, Great Seven, he was hopeless. The bat fae raised his palm to smack himself in the face. His poor, sweet, innocent prince. So gullible, so oblivious. Every romantic advance (Y/n) seemed to make never failed to fly over the top of Malleus’s dense head to the point that all of NRC had known about the prefect’s romantic intentions towards the fae except him. It was, in all honesty, a comical sight to see. Although, to the relief of (Y/n), Lilia’s amusement never prevented him from playing matchmaker for the two students. It was in the name of blooming love, after all!
“Malleus, I want you to look me straight in the eyes.” The older fae took hold of Malleus’s much taller form as he levitated himself up to meet with the slow-minded prince on an even level. “(Y/n) has just told you that they love you.”
The dorm leader sat blankly and unmoving on his spot in the Diasomnia dorm lounge. What? Had he heard Lilia’s words correctly? Malleus had sent his caretaker, for the millionth time that day, another empty stare into oblivion.
“Love? As in the intense feeling of fondness for an individual? The emotion that releases a number of chemicals in a living body such as high levels of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, a neuropeptide produced in the hypothala-“
“Yes, yes! That love.” Lilia quickly interrupted his precious housewarden’s unnecessary scientific definition as he was growing impatient to the boy’s oblivious nature.
Silence soon befell on the two Diasomnia students.
“Then,” Malleus rose from his seat, breaking the quiet atmosphere. “I must go to them and reciprocate their feelings.”
“Right now? It’s practically midnight-“
“It is no matter,” he confidently declared. “I am always there at this time admiring their gargoyles, anyway. Thank you, Lilia, for enlightening me on the ways of modern letter-exchanging. I deeply appreciate it.” Malleus bid the shorter fae a goodbye with a swift nod of his head. “I shall be off, now.”
“Ah, yes, go ahead.”
And so, with a flick of his wrist, Malleus had disappeared with shimmering green sparkles following him thereafter before he could even finish saying “child of man.” Seeing as the dorm leader was gone, Lilia had let out an exasperated sigh. Acting as Cupid and modern translator for his dearest Malleus’s necessities was wholeheartedly a huge honor; although, he could do without the exhaustion that came with it. Relieved to finally have some leisurely time alone, Lilia kicked off his shining black boots and sunk into the comforting cushion of the dorm’s couch. 
Rest for the single father of three, at last.
“LILIA, WHERE HAS THE YOUNG MASTER GONE OFF TO?”
Nevermind, scratch that. There was never rest for the single bat dad. Startling what appeared to be the entirety of the Diasomnia dorm was none other than the tumultuous voice of Sebek roaring from the entrance way of the lounge. 
“Oh, he went to go see (Y/n).”
“HE WHAT???” The first year shouted with disbelief evident in his boisterous tone. “WHY WOULD HE GO AND SEE THAT HUMAN?! THEY ARE NOT EVEN WORTHY OF THE YOUNG MASTER’S GAZE—“
Lilia, who had hopped down from his area on the couch, floated over to Sebek’s proximity while placing a quieting finger against his lips. “Hush now, Sebek. Let the young lovers flourish.”
“BUT THE YOUNG MASTER—“
“—Will be giving me new little baby grandchildren soon, fufu~”
The first year froze in complete distress at the old fae’s comment. “Gr..GRANDCHILDREN?!?!?”
“That’s right, but, uh, Sebek,” Lilia took notice of the green-haired boy's wavering shoulders and dilating eyes with concern. “Are you feeling well? It looks as if you’re about to collapse.”
“The… young master…and human… having…childre…”
Thump!
“Oh for Seven’s sake, SEBEK WAKE UP—”
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a/n:  (y/n) can have malleus, i want his adorable bat dad I MEAN-
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magicalbats · 4 months
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We Turn Not Older: Neuvillette
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Rating: R-18+
Word Count: 5402
Warnings: Afab!reader, some gendered language, blowjob, deep throating, breath play
A/N: Alright, so I'm technically late on this but I finished it and by god am I going to post it. I had this crazy idea that I was going to write a little something for most of the character birthdays going into 2024 (minus the obvious ones like Diona and Klee, duh) so the title will be used as the catchall for this "series". I'm going to elaborate further on this reader character in a different post but basically we're just replacing Lumine in the canon story and everything else stays the same haha
"We turn not older with years, but newer every day" - Emily Dickinson
Neuvillette turns from his perusal of the floor to ceiling bookcase at the sound of the door opening and then closing behind him. The contemplative look on his face morphs into one of friendly greeting when he sees it is you standing there rather than a Melusine or one of the many human secretaries constantly flitting about the Palais with files and documents to leave on his desk. He isn’t exactly the easiest person to get a good read on, but you think he looks almost relieved. 
“Ah, so you were able to make it after all. It is a pleasure to see you again, Traveler.”
The honorable Iudex smiles at you, his expression so soft around the edges and inviting that you feel the regular tensions in your body relaxing in response. You were under the impression that not many could count themselves lucky enough to be on the receiving end of such a warm welcome and for good reason. Neuvillette took his obligations to Fontaine as much as its people quite seriously, so there was always a certain decorum with which he carried himself when interacting with others. It was a direct contrast to the Hydro Archon who seemed to operate on the far opposite end of the spectrum. 
But you were not a citizen of this nation so no such expectations existed between you and him. He was free to speak and behave in whatever way he deemed fit when dealing with you, and he chose to be warm and welcoming because the two of you were friends now. You could call yourselves that, couldn’t you? 
Truth be told you were banking on it today. Offering him a smile of your own, you start to walk across the office, the plush, no doubt expensive rug under your feet almost completely silencing the heels of your boots to make for a near silent approach on your part. You were glad Sedine hadn’t insisted on personally seeing you in but that was yet another perk of being on such good terms with the Chief Justice. It allowed for private audiences with him like this.  
“It is your birthday, you know. I wouldn’t willingly miss the chance to celebrate it with you for the world.” 
“You flatter me, of course, but I do hope you didn’t neglect anything important just to come see me?” He makes it a question, the curve of his mouth taking on a vaguely wry edge at the thought of what you may have decided to skip out on given your reputation in Teyvat. He was in a good mood then, if he could find humor in your many exploits. A promising sign if there ever was one. 
Stepping around the corner of his spacious desk, you walk right up to him and come to a stop with mere feet to spare. The height difference forces you to crane your neck back to peer up at him and he likewise tips his chin down to pin you with that amused yet still perfectly congenial look. That he allows you to get this close without questioning it or backing up a step to keep the distance polite and respectful speaks volumes. Your heartbeat subtly begins to speed up. You wonder if he can sense it in some way. 
“Luckily I didn’t have any pressing matters to take care of so I came as soon as I got your letter. How else was I supposed to give you your birthday present?” 
“A present?” Neuvillette echoes you, and his expression finally slips to belie his confusion on the matter. He’d clearly noticed that you’d entered his office empty handed with nothing except the clothes on your back, not even Paimon in tow. The fact he hadn’t expected anything at all and didn’t give it a second thought until now only further vindicates your choice to come here like this. He deserved what you planned to give him, if he would accept it. 
Oh, and how you hoped he would. 
“But of course, Monsieur Neuvillette. That is the custom everywhere in Teyvat, isn’t it? Even Fontaine must recognize the tradition of giving presents to someone on their birthday?” 
“Well, yes. That is true but …” 
He doesn’t finish his thought. Allowing the words to trail off into a curious silence, he watches you bring your hands up without protest as you carefully place them across his chest. There are many layers of clothes between you and his skin, and you register a distant note of surprise when you realize how narrow he feels under your touch. All the different coats and shirts, and the wide shouldered justice robe had given the impression of someone much bigger. More filled out. He actually seems to be rather svelte under everything he’s wearing, a thought that is surprisingly intriguing in that moment. You wanted to find out how he looked when he was bare and vulnerable in the way only lovers are with one another. Perhaps you could convince him to undress himself for you, one layer at a time. Slowly. 
That was for later though. For now, in this moment, you had an objective in mind, and you give him a coquettish bat of your eyelashes as you pointedly press in on him with your hands. “You’re free to decline the offer, Monsieur, but I wanted to gift you something that no one else can. You told me once before that you don’t allow yourself to foster close relationships with others, didn’t you? I wonder when was the last time you were able to really relax …”
You can see his thoughts working in the soft lilac of his horizontally slit eyes, so fascinating to look into even when you were well aware you’d presented him with a conundrum. A moral dilemma, if you would. As a dragon sovereign he had no right to involve himself with humans beyond surface level interactions, never anything intimate or more personal beyond a friendly greeting and the impartial judgments he passed on them in the court. But you weren’t a human — not a normal one, anyway. You were not of Teyvat and he knew that. That changed things, didn’t it? For you, only you, he could bend the rules. 
Understanding finally clicks into place and you can’t help the grin that comes over you at the way Neuvillette’s body stiffens with the knowledge of what you were offering him. But rather than looking affronted like you’d half expected him to initially react, unsure of how he would perceive such an offer, his otherworldly gaze actually takes on a low simmering heat that sparks warmth in your own skin. The way he looks at you now is very close to being unreadable but his eyes do not lie. They very rarely do in your experience. 
“My dearest Traveler,” He says it softly, quiet to conceal the hot undercurrent just below the surface. “Are you suggesting a gift of sexual favors in place of a more customary exchange?”
“Only if you want it, Monsieur. Like I said, you’re welcome to turn it down if you’re not interested.” 
Neuvillette regards you for a long stretch with what you think must be cautious inner reflection. You don’t doubt that he was taking this time to consider every angle of your proposal and the possible implications that might come with it. That’s just the kind of person he is and it’s what makes him such an effective judge. You don’t mind it. Had even anticipated it on some level, so you wait patiently for him to reach his verdict with your hands still braced against his chest, as suggestive as they were anticipatory. 
At length, he finally draws a single carefully tempered breath before speaking in the low, measured tones of someone who thinks they have been presented with an offer that is too good to be true and they don’t trust it. Not fully. Not yet. “I believe one would have to be a fool to decline such a generous offer coming from you, Traveler. It is an honor just to know you would be willing to have me in such a way and I give you my sincerest thanks for that.” 
“I hear a ‘but’ in there.” 
He visibly hesitates to do it but he still gives in to the urge. Lifting his hand, Neuvillette gently brushes the tips of long gloved fingers across your cheek before cupping it against the curve of his palm. Every movement, every gesture is so deliberate and heedful that you understand what he’s going to say long before he actually speaks it. 
“Yes. You are human. Perhaps not in the usual sense and while I certainly acknowledge that you are not of this world, that doesn’t change the composition of your body. I’m afraid I don’t know what to do with human women, Mademoiselle.” 
“I can teach you.” Is your ready answer, complete with a teasing smile for his benefit, and Neuvillette graces you with a faint chuckle in response. 
“Then I suppose it would be rude of me not to accept. Do you bestow such generous gifts to many of the men you’ve met on your travels?” 
“Only the ones I like.” 
Grinning, you give his chest a more purposeful push. Picking up on your intentions, Neuvillette takes a slow step backward and then another. He lets you guide him towards his empty high backed chair, never taking the intensity of his gaze away from you for so much as a moment while you steer him where you want. It almost surprises you a little bit, how easily such a proudly composed man is willing to comply and let you take the lead like this but the warm glint in his eyes remains even when you trap him against the side of the desk. He’s clearly not only interested in what you plan to do and curious, but also amused by this turn of events. You may have had the control here, for the moment at least, but that was only because he was letting you have it. He could have flipped the tables on you all too quickly and both of you were well aware of it. 
“Sit?” You flick your eyes in the direction of the chair for emphasis. A strange, heady sense of power comes over you when he shifts to the side and lowers himself into the seat with neither question nor protest. Just obedience. No matter how cursory it may have been, it was still very intoxicating to taste. 
Giving him a chance to get settled, you watch as he starts to cross his long legs as if it was second nature for him to do so only to think better of it at the last moment. He situates himself with both feet planted squarely on the floor instead and you eagerly lower yourself to kneel before him, palming his knees so you can gently push them apart while you do it. 
Neuvillette’s mouth automatically pops open as if this was the first thing he found any real complaint in. You softly shush him though, quietly assuring him that you’ll take care of everything as you push the front of his long robe up and out of the way to reveal the top of his high waisted pants. There are a series of buttons keeping the placquet of the trousers closed. He doesn’t try to hide his fretting over what you’re doing while you work to get them undone, a series of “Are you certain”s and “Please, Traveler,”s spilling from his mouth while elegantly gloved hands hover over you in uncertainty. Making a mental note to correct that later, you keep tugging until you at last get the final button freed so you can pull at his pants enough to reveal what’s inside.
The underwear is plain and clean white, yet even you can tell at just a glance that this particular garment is no less exquisite than the rest of his richly crafted attire. The cotton is some of the softest you’ve ever felt and the stitching is perfectly neat and precise. Not so much as a single thread out of place or loose to draw attention to such an obvious imperfection. You can’t help smiling to yourself as you carefully untie the dainty cord at the waistband. 
“Are all of your clothes bought at the finest boutiques, Monsieur?” You tease, sending him a meaningful look from your spot on the floor. 
Neuvillette frowns slightly, like he doesn’t quite understand what that has to do with anything. In truth, he probably doesn’t. “I am not particularly concerned with fashion, if that is what you are implying. As the Iudex of Fontaine I’m merely held to certain standards - -“
“Yes, yes, Monsieur. I understand your position.”
He huffs an almost silent exhale at your giggling response. Consideringly, he observes the way you trace fingertips over the front of his crisp white braies and nudge the fabric down one teasing inch at a time, slowly exposing a strip of soft flesh across his lower belly. “Really, Mademoiselle, is going about it in this manner truly necessary? It is not a gift for me to see you debase yourself like a lowly commoner.” 
“Hmm. Are you quite familiar with the practices of commoners, Neuvillette?” 
“Hardly. It is just …” He once again trails off, a distant spark alighting behind his eyes when you get the underwear edged down enough to reveal the startings of a fine patch of hair. Its silvery-white, almost transparent had it not stood out in contrast against the smooth color of his skin. Just like how the hair on his head is so pale it makes his face look warmer complexioned than it really is, this had the same effect. Your mouth starts to water at the thought of what would come next, and he gives a faint grunt as you give his bottoms a more insistent tug. 
“But you are my esteemed guest, Traveler, and it seems inappropriate to make you kneel before me.” Neuvillette finally finishes his thought and not without effort. 
“You have not made me do anything though. I chose to kneel by my own free will.” You shoot him a quick, cheeky grin. “Besides, I thought you would like seeing a so-called human on their knees for you, oh mighty Hydro Dragon.” 
He sucks in a quick breath. You can tell he’s going to argue it, correct it, contest the allegation you’ve lobbied against him but you don’t give him the chance. With one final pull, his cock springs free. A soft hiss escapes Neuvillette’s suddenly tight mouth as it hits the air, still mostly flaccid but quickly stirring to life even as it smacks against the bare strip of flesh along his pelvis. You’re admittedly surprised and a bit relieved to see that it is a by all accounts normal looking organ of the human persuasion. You hadn’t been entirely sure what to expect from the reincarnation of a Soverign but he looks every bit as normal as you do. Funny thing, that. 
“Oh, Monsieur,” You rove your attention up, catching his eye and holding it as you lean over his lap. Your lips part and you swipe a slow lick of your tongue from the base up to the head. It twitches under the sensation, bobbing upward as if to follow you but you pull away too fast for it to find your mouth again. He looses a terse breath that sounds as appreciative of the gesture as it is bemused at the audacity to tease him like that. “Such a lovely cock for a lovely man. Are you sure you don’t enjoy seeing me on my knees?” 
His length eagerly swells as if in response. It grows in size and shape right before your eyes, stiffening and starting to stand at attention just for you. Evidently he was very much a grower. 
“I said it did not seem appropriate, mon petit voyageur,” Neuvilette murmurs, finally bringing one hand close to cup the side of your face again. Tenderly, his thumb brushes over the swell of your cheek while he looks into your eyes with a certain masculine weight that makes your loins curl into a knot. “I said nothing about not enjoying it.” 
“My mistake.” You whisper back as you reach out to wrap your fingers around his cock. 
Keeping your hold loose, you gently massage it up and then down, giving the base an encouraging squeeze before dragging your hand towards the glans again. The motion makes his foreskin bunch and gather over the head, and when you bring your hand down next you’re rewarded with a soft, sticky click. He was becoming excited rather quickly, wasn’t he? You assumed that meant your earlier assumption had been correct. He must rarely if ever allow himself to indulge in the urges of his human body like this. Not with another person, at least. 
You feel decidedly emboldened as you take a moment to nuzzle into his hand. It was reassuring to know that he did not fear touching you in reciprocation and you intended to enforce the behavior. Gently, at first, then more forcefully if need be. 
“Does this mean I have your permission to proceed, Monsieur Neuvillette?” 
The breath he draws is stilted. Short. “I would certainly be appreciative of that.” 
Bringing your attention back around with a smile, you regard his cock again. It’s a good, healthy size — sturdy in your hand and incredibly soft to the touch despite how firm it’s gotten just below the surface of all that delicate skin. You lean in on the next downward tug of your fingers, when the foreskin has been pulled back enough to expose the ruddy pink head. Flicking your tongue over the dainty slit, you issue a low moan at the shock of salty precum that floods your tastebuds. It’s not exactly bitter but it wasn’t sweet either. Just clean and faintly musky with a distant note of male pheromones to taste. It made sense that he would be as close to a neutral flavor as the human body was likely capable of though, given how much he enjoyed drinking water. It was delicious. 
You let out a quiet sigh into the still air. Giving in to the instinctive urge, you wrap your lips around the head. He tenses underneath you at the sensation of your mouth fully on him, suckling at the sensitive glans, and his hand gives a faint jolt against your cheek. Reaching further back, Neuvillette gingerly cradles the back of your head with a hushed groan but doesn’t do anything beyond that. 
A groan that you belatedly realize is your name. 
Not the customary ‘Traveler’ you got everywhere in Teyvat nor the altering variation of either ‘Mademoiselle’ or ‘mon petit’ that he occasionally used with you in private. Your real name. 
It wasn’t exactly uncommon for the friends you’d made throughout your travels to call you that but Neuvillette did it so rarely, so infrequently that it strikes something delicate and soft inside of you. He was perfectly polite and cordial, and that often meant keeping those around him at a socially acceptable distance. Close, but not so close as to imply intimacy. Far enough at arms length to avoid misunderstandings but not so far as to come off rude. It was a razor fine line he usually walked and aside from the Melusine’s, Furina seemed to be the only exception. 
And now you too, or so it appeared. At least for right now. 
Softly groaning, you lean further over his lap — lean further into your work and take him deeper into your mouth. The stretch is exquisite. It’s hard not to imagine the same cock stretching other parts of your body open in similar fashion, your cunt fluttering in unmistakable excitement as you swallow him down to the halfway point of his shaft. Neuvillette’s fingers lightly spasm against your hair, stiff with the desire to close his fist around the strands and perhaps tug or use them as leverage to push, but he fights it. You’re acutely aware of this fact even while you languidly lap at the underside of his length with your tongue. Still so polite even when you had him pulled in almost to your throat and there was another inch or two waiting just beyond the edge of your lips. You couldn’t abide by him holding himself in check like this when it was supposed to be his birthday present for him to enjoy. He should have been enjoying it to the fullest. 
So you reach back with your unoccupied hand, the one not currently holding him around the base, and blindly latch onto his stiff knuckles. Giving him a quick, reassuring squeeze, you press his palm firmly into the back of your head. He lets out a low, seething hiss in response, still valiantly fighting it for another moment longer despite the encouragement. The gentlemanly facade finally cracks though and a small portion of the Dragon Sovereign seems to peak out. When he finally pushes down on your head, it’s surprisingly forceful and demanding. The pressure makes you take another inch or so, and you moan a thick sound around the cock stuffed in your mouth. Now he was really tickling your tonsils and the sensation makes your salivary glands kick into overtime to produce a copious amount of drool that slowly starts to bubble out past your lips. You were going to make a mess at this rate. 
“Mon petit,” Neuvillette whispers the pet name like an oath. “I am afraid that — nnghn. I seem to be ill equipped for this particular activity. As shameful as it is to admit … I did not expect it to feel this good.” 
Noising an incomprehensible sound, a sentiment meant to put his concerns at ease, you nudge your face down a little closer to his lap and take another half inch. His narrow hips buck slightly at the sensation of slipping into your throat but now he’s struggling just to maintain his composure instead of thrusting up like he wants to. Neuvillette no longer has the luxury or the presence of mind to be concerned about his manners, and his fingers finally close around your hair at the root. The dull yank on your scalp makes your pussy clench tight in response. You couldn’t wait to have him. You hoped he would have you after this. If he was as pent up as you suspected, then it probably wasn’t a stretch to think he would. 
Gathering your own willpower, you slowly start to pull back off his cock. Choking yourself on it sounded like a great idea at the moment but you wanted to give him a short reprieve, a break to get a hold of himself. So you ignore the spit that dribbles down his length to coat your fingers where you’re squeezing it tight in an attempt to stave off his release. Neuvillette manages to surprise you slightly when he issues a low, barely audible growl at the loss of your mouth but you ignore that too. You finally make it to the glans a heartbeat later and you take the chance to swirl your tongue around the pink head. A quick glance through the fall of your lashes shows you his expression pinched in obvious pleasure and something darker. Something far more primal than simple arousal. You weren’t sure how far you could push him before the long dormant draconian instincts started to take over but you were curious and bullheaded enough to try it. 
You finally sit back, taking your mouth off his cock completely. The pretty face of the polite Iudex momentarily scrunches up in a tense, heady groan of frustration that leaves tiny little wrinkles at the corners of his eyes when he opens them to peer down at you. The intensity in those slit irises, the pupils blown wide and dark, inspires a nervous shudder down the length of your spine. You had no idea he could look at someone like that. Like so much meat. Prey that was his for the taking if only he would reach out with a sharp taloned claw and slice into laughably soft flesh to spill whatever was inside. 
Your pussy achingly throbs, though you aren’t entirely sure if it’s from sexual excitement or mortal fear. Perhaps it was both. 
“Are you enjoying yourself, Monsieur Neuvillette?” You speak softly, as if to avoid setting off the predator before you, but the only response you get is a single, hissed word. 
“Yes.” 
Then he’s pushing on your head just as demandingly as the first time, maybe even more so. He forces your face to his lap. Gives you no choice but to open your mouth wide and accept his cock again. Down, inch by inch, you take him straight to the edge of your throat and then you take him inside. Your gag reflex puts up cursory resistance for all of a single second and then he’s wedged as far down your gullet as he can go. You noise a pitifully muffled sound when your nose presses into his pelvis hard enough to bring tears to your eyes, the soft, nearly translucent hair tickling your skin. The muscles in your throat work around the intrusion as if to expel the blockage but it does very little in the way of good when he was already this deep. All you can do is heave on his cock and writhe there on the floor, your shoulders shuddering with each dry gag that assaults your body in violent waves. 
And you couldn’t remember the last time you’d been so painfully aroused. 
Groaning in deeply felt pleasure, Neuvillette gingerly leans back into his chair while keeping his hand pressed firm against the back of your head to hold you in place. You blink through the tears and peer up at him, committing every detail of his stricken face, his posture, his breathy voice as it tumbles out of him to memory even as you reach under your travel dress for what’s between your legs. Pressing your fingers into the crotch of your bloomers, you start to rub hasty circles into yourself while you watch him stiffly shake towards his own release. Never mind the fact you couldn’t breathe like this. It was just going to make for an even more powerful orgasm than what you were already anticipating. 
“Your throat is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before,” He grits out through tightly clenched teeth, his brows knitted so deeply that a small wrinkle had formed between them. “Du ciel à la terre, I can’t hold out any longer, mon petit, I am going to — nnghnnn!” 
Neuvillette cums with a sharp, rumbling grunt. The sound seems to vibrate through his shuddering frame and bleed into you, your eyes practically rolling to the back of your head when his cock gives one, pulsing throb before shooting thick ropes down your gullet. You choke at the sensation even as your throat desperately tries to get it all down before you can asphyxiate. It doesn’t feel like such a far off possibility at this point as you start to grow faint and dizzy from a lack of oxygen. But you just keep rubbing your cunt and swallowing, spurt after spurt of thick, creamy discharge until he finally hisses one final noise of pleasure before going lax underneath you. 
Without his hand holding you in place any longer, you quickly rear back and come up off his cock with a highly undignified, ugly wretching sound. You suck in a hungry mouthful of air even as sheets of drool and bubbling spit leak from your numb lips. You’re not half as concerned about that as you are with your quickly fleeting orgasm though. Like low tide, it seems to tauntingly lap at the edges of the shore line even as it quietly recedes out into the void of endless ocean without a second thought. You could almost sob at the loss as you rub yourself faster, harder. Even reaching up with your free hand to paw at your own breast through the thin material of your dress doesn’t bring it back. And you’d been so close too. 
“And what is this, Traveler?” 
Abruptly realizing that Neuvillette has recovered from his own orgasm and has been watching you for the last moment or so, you tip your head back to look at him. That glimpse of the dragon is gone and in its place is the same respectable Iudex you were usually accustomed to dealing with. The sole exception in his demeanor was the weight with which his gaze has settled upon you. There was a hunger there. An innate sense of superior dominance that had not been present when last he’d looked at you before this. 
It occurs to you then that you have perhaps awoken the beast in him with all your poking and prodding in more ways than one. There’s something in the way he looks at you down the length of his nose that sets your blood to boiling. You wanted — no, needed him to subjugate you to his will. That was what was missing. That was why your orgasm had fled at the first sign of reprieve from his iron will. 
Whimpering softly at your own helplessness, you lean back to press one hand against the floor and reach up with the other to tug one side of your dress down. He attentively watches your breast spill out into the open, drawing a subtle breath at the sight of you like this. So desperate. So needy and vulnerable. He doesn’t act on it though and you bite your lip to stop yourself from begging for it as you gather the front of your dress. You wonder if your sticky cunt had bled through the soft cotton of your bloomers yet as you present them to him without an ounce of shame to show for it. 
A small yet no less pleased smile plays across Neuvilette’s mouth. Rather primly, properly, he tugs the fabric of his justice robe to cover his lap and hide his softening cock from your voracious sights. The fact he doesn’t put it away, only covers it, makes your blood pound somehow even harder. It feels like you’ve got a second heartbeat in your cunt as he carefully shifts in his seat and brings the toe of an expensive shoe close to your pussy. 
“Is this how one handles human women, Mademoiselle?” He sounds vaguely amused, as if he already knew the answer. Like that one single exchange had enlightened him to a whole litany of sexual knowledge that he hadn’t been fully aware of before. 
You weren’t sure if it was just a result of his undeniable intelligence and he’d merely pieced everything together in record time or if it could really be a shared understanding with his past life. Did the Dragon Sovereign’s mate the same way people do? You didn’t really care about any of that right now. 
There’s only one thing on your mind and, at your nod, Neuvillette brings his foot closer. Slips it between your legs. He thoughtfully hums, as if considering his next move, and then presses up to flatten the top of his shoe along the pudge of your cunt. Even with the thin layer of your bloomers in the way it damn near makes you see double and you gasp. Your reaction seems to please him a great deal. Chuckling to himself, the Chief Justice of Fontaine slowly works his limb back and forth, up and down, to tease your slit with pressure that is simultaneously too much and yet not near enough to make you cum. You felt like you were going to be sick. 
“I must admit that this is quite interesting, Traveler.” He tells you softly, almost secretively. “You’ve certainly piqued my interest, at least. I had no idea touching you like this would make you look at me with such a … needy expression on your face. I wonder what will happen if I keep going. You’ll teach me this too won’t you, mon petit?” 
Of course you would. Anything for the birthday boy.
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