#so only way to survive is to blame yourself and obey them

[furiousgoldfish]

parents after committing a crime against you: this is normal and you’re just being dramatic stop pretending you’re hurt, you did this to yourself

brain: sounds legit, we suck and it’s our fault, we’ll find out in 10-20 years just how bad it was, lets keep going on as if it didn’t happen

#childhood trauma #abusive parents #toxic parent #blame shifting #threat #cptsd #delayed response to trauma #taking on blame in order to preserve bond with parnets #because you're depending on them for food and shelter and you cant break ties #so only way to survive is to blame yourself and obey them #and then when it actually hits you #you realize you lived with enemies not parents

[weministertomonsters]

𝐖𝐨𝐥𝐟𝐛𝐨𝐲

It's not even noon and the kids are yet again causing a ruckus in the backyard. Mrs. Partridge blows a strand of steely grey hair out of her eyes and slams her fist into the bread dough, kneading it vigorously. She says nothing, but you can tell she's seconds away from grabbing her birch switch and going to town on them.

"I'll see what they're up to," you say hastily.

It's summer, and you can't blame the kids for being extra feisty when they're cooped up like this. The heat makes even you want to scream sometimes. Partridge Orphanage was started as a passion project by Mrs. Partridge and her husband, but when he died in a horse accident, funding all but ground to a halt and the orphanage was very nearly shut down. However, in a city as large as this one, the rejects need a place to go.

So, Partridge Orphanage stayed open and only a year later, was swiftly filled to the rafters with squirrelly children. Children who are making so much noise right now that the neighboring buildings might complain about the noise.

You wash your hands off and go to the front yard.

"Children, what is all the noise for?" You demand from the top of the porch stairs

Never mind that at fourteen you're almost still a child yourself, but as the oldest, you're expected to look after the others and help Mrs. Partridge run the place, considering she works alone along with a part-time cleaner. You didn't mind that much seeing as it curries you favor with Mrs. Partridge.

"There's a werewolf!" A girl not more than six years old, exclaims.

"Such tall stories," you mutter and descend the stairs to see what they're crowded around. "How can there be a werewolf-"

Your words die in your throat when you see a furry thing yipping and spinning in anxious circles, bloody foam flecked at the corner of his mouth.

"A-all right, children! Give him some room," you stammer, afraid of fingers being nipped.

The last thing you want is for a child to have a raging werewolf saliva-induced fever. Miraculously, the children obey, backing away and creating a large circle around the werewolf, who shivers and crouches on his haunches with wide eerie blue eyes, like a human peering out from the disguise of a beast.

"He's got a tail!" One of the children says, while another adds, "His legs bend funny too!"

"Settle down, children. And lower your voices, you're scaring him," you say, biting your lip as your mind roams.

You've never seen a werewolf before, even though it's common knowledge that they exist. Werewolves are dangerous and the few that coexist with humans are forced into manual labor, mostly on farms. Even fully grown, they never quite act human, so you've heard. What are you going to do with a pup of all things?

"What's this I hear about a werewolf?" Mrs. Partridge demands as she is led outside by some of the excited children.

The children step aside to let her pass, and you can't help but shift your stance slightly to shield the pup as Mrs. Partridge approaches. She doesn't like furry things and you've seen her kick at stray dogs when they get too close in the streets. Her eyes fall on the werewolf pup and grow wider.

"Oh my," she murmurs, more shocked than anything else.

For a moment, everyone is quiet. You burst out with,

"Mrs. Partridge, see how small he is, he definitely can't survive on his own."

She ignores you. "How did it get in?" She asks nobody in particular.

"Through the hedge at the side of the house, I think," you suggest.

Mrs. Partridge looks like she's about to tell you to put the pup in a box and place it right back in the street, but a thoughtful look comes across her face and she lifts her chin.

"It may stay. Provided you take care of it and keep it out of the way."

"Really?" Your heart soars.

Mrs. Partridge huffs. "Don't get too excited, girl. If it so much as nips at one of the kids, it will have to be put down. Do you understand?"

"Yes Mrs. Partridge," you say dutifully.

"Children, come with me. The meal is almost ready and you must all wash your hands. Including you, Jeremy!" Mrs. Partridge herds the rest of the children inside, leaving you with the werewolf pup, who stares at you warily.

You crouch down slowly.

"You heard her, you can stay," you tell him. "I don't know why she agreed, it must be a miracle. Just stay out of her way and you'll be fine. Blink if you understand me."

The pup looks confused, and with a whine, rolls onto his back, belly up and ears floppy against the grass. His paws and legs are clumpy with dried mud and like this, he looks more like a beast than a human.

"It's okay," you tell him. "I'll take care of you. Can I pick you up? Mrs. Partridge will be up in flames if you get dirt on her floors."

The werewolf rolls back onto his belly and cautiously scoots closer, his tail beating against the floor like a puppy that has been shooed away many times but is still hoping someone will want him. He whines and yips when you pick him up, but he doesn't bite you. That's a start.

He's incredibly thin and weighs next to nothing. You press him against your chest and feel the shivers wracking his small frame.

"Poor thing," you murmur. "Let's get you a warm bath and a meal."

Luckily, everyone is preoccupied with eating, so you have the kitchen and mudroom to yourself. You heat some water and mix it till you have a bucketful of lukewarm water. Then you set the werewolf in the tub and proceed to wash him carefully, trying not to be too personal about it. You're sure if he was in a better state, he could do it by himself. In the dimly lit mudroom, it's hard to look at the wet thing in the tub and not have your eyes deceive you into thinking it is a dog.

The water is brown by the time you rinse him off. You swathe him in a towel and tell him to wait while you get some spare clothes. You're not even sure they'll fit him, but he needs to wear something. When you come back, the pup is slightly larger than before and less furry. Even if his body is grotesquely deformed from being in between forms, he's standing on two legs, at least. If he were a human boy, he would be about nine or ten.

"Oh!" You blink, trying not to look slightly horrified at the contrast of wolfish muzzle and ears with human hair and a mostly human body. "Here, can you put them on?"

He takes the clothes from you with clawed hands and nods slightly, retreating into the mudroom. You fix two plates of the leftover food. You have no idea what a werewolf truly eats, so you hope the fare will agree with him. He sits well enough, handling his fork with clumsy hands, ears flicking as they listen to faraway sounds. He sniffs at the food and eats the beef and greens but ignores the mashed potatoes, so you try to put your portion of beef onto his plate. He growls as you reach out. It's soft and under his breath and he looks ashamed of himself immediately afterwards. You show him that you are only offering some of your food, not trying to take any away from him. He lets you put the beef on his plate and eats in three big bites, his tail thumping quietly. For the remainder of the meal, you eat in silence.

You watch him through the corner of your eye and wonder if he will manage to fit in with the rest of the kids. He has to, otherwise, he has no chance.

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

This werewolf concept is one I've had for some months, but I was never able to find the right angle to approach it from. I think I finally have! Of course, I'm saying this based on the novel's worth of scenarios I've thought of while writing this, lol. You can be assured I will be writing more of this story. 😁

#werewolf #lycanthrope #exophilia #monster lover #monster x reader #monster x human #monster

[inmarbleimmobility]

1.1.9 "The Brother Portrayed by the Sister"

not much to say about this chapter that hasn't already been said, but for posterity, I'll bullet point my thoughts.

Myriel not seeing or casually ignoring how his asceticism affects Baptistine and Magloire is Bad - he takes care of everyone else, and it's all fine and good to deprive yourself of luxuries, but these two women are not part of him. would I go so far as to call Myriel a hypocrite for this? no, because they're adults who can make their own choices, but there's a difference between making a choice with no reservations and making a choice because there really isn't any better option. and for all Hugo's insistence that they Like This, Actually, it's a little chilling to see Baptistine write about growing thinner. and speaking of which, the womens' tacit acceptance of these conditions and their lives ending with the bishop's is hypocritical in the same way Combeferre lecturing the insurgents about their surviving relatives while abandoning his own mother is.

Hugo is, as usual, Not Normal about women. "these two good women", "subordinated their actions", "easily disturbed womanly instincts", "conform to the bishop's way of life", "waited on him passively", "if to obey was to disappear", "charming and instinctive delicacy", "that womanly talent"... I think I wrote "ew, Hugo" in my margins at least four times. it's at least nice to see that Baptistine can rebuke Myriel sometimes, although I don't love that she can only do it when no one else can hear.

the epistolary style isn't Hugo's strength. "the Faux" family gave me a good giggle - it felt like when I'm writing and can't think of a good name so I just wrote "John Fakename", tell myself I'll fix it later, and then never do. the unintelligible words add to the verisimilitude as well, but it overall just doesn't work for me.

they have guests?? like, little kids included? first of all, how - surely they can't all sleep in the little alcove bed or on one of the 11 chairs - but also I very much want to see Myriel interact with little kids.

there's a sense in this chapter that Baptistine in particular, but also Magloire, sees Myriel as having two discrete roles - one as brother and one as bishop. she can rebuke her brother, but when he's The Bishop, no one can question him. it calls to mind the Catholic idea of the Pope's infallibility; I wonder if Hugo did that on purpose or if it's just your garden variety 'the guy I respect can do no wrong'. I'm leaning toward the former, as there's a definite air of deference to an authority about it. feels icky!!

Baptistine saying Myriel "has no fear of darkness or of dangerous roads" as well as her later "what is there to fear in this house? [...] the good Lord lives here" reminded me of Psalm 23 (the Lord is my shepherd, though I walk through the shadow of the valley of evil, etc.)

Baptistine assures her friend that her brother is "still a good royalist" - foreshadowing the next chapter! I have Lots Of Thoughts about royalist!Myriel but those are for tomorrow.

to be clear: although the treatment of Baptistine and Magloire makes me feel Yucky especially in this chapter, I'm placing the blame for that on Hugo and not Myriel - I doubt Myriel truly thinks these two women should be silently subservient to him, and I'd be surprised if that angle even occurred to him. I'm willing to pin a bit of their general material hardship on him, but really none of the three of them actually seem to be too bothered by their living conditions (others have pointed out that Magloire is a comic character, which puts her grumbling in a less serious light), and is it fair to blame him for something the others involved don't see as harmful? lots to consider here!

absolutely stoked for tomorrow's chapter and everyone's takes on it!!!

#i still have several catch-up posts to do but figured i'd get today's done first #les mis #les mis letters #lm 1.1.9 #hugo.... #(using that tag a lot today...)

[random-french-girl]

Let’s talk about Fatin and Leah in the first two episodes of season 2. Let’s talk about the fight, about “I’ll fucking kill you”, about Leah taking those pills, about Fatin “I’m done with her” Jadmani.

I can’t be the only one who found Fatin’s threat... jarring? Out of place, almost? The anger, I understood, but Fatin telling Leah she’d kill her, so seriously, so intensely, felt, I don’t know. Excessive. Especially given how Fatin has dealt with Leah since mid season 1: with a lot of patience, and a lot of tenderness. But that’s the point, right? It’s jarring for us, because it is jarring for Leah. More than that, it’s devastating for her.

Leah’s not an idiot. She knows she pushed Rachel way too hard, she knows people are going to be, rightfully, angry at her, and I don’t think she feels particularly proud of what just happened. She doesn’t really protest when Fatin grabs her by the wrist and drags her away from the group, doesn’t fight back like she’d have done in season 1. I think that’s because she knows she kind of deserves what’s coming. But also because she’s under the impression that Fatin will be - on her side, still. That Fatin will tell her off, sure, but will remain understanding, and caring. Except Fatin doesn’t, and Leah abruptly loses her last tether, the one person she could talk to, and, understandably, she cannot cope with the loss, the utter isolation. Hence how shocked, how crushed she looks, afterwards. Hence the pills.

It’s ironic, right? “You have a girl hanging by a fucking thread, and your move is to slice it?” Fatin hisses, and doesn’t realize that she is Leah’s last thread. To be clear: I’m not blaming Fatin. Put yourself in her shoes: Nora disappeared a week ago, Rachel is hurting, and Leah, who she cares about so fiercely, is losing her mind, obsessing over things that aren’t real. Do you know what happened, the last time Leah acted like that, barely a week ago? She ran into the ocean and almost drowned. That’s what’s fresh in Fatin’s mind, when the Rachel&Leah altercation happens. So it’s not just anger that makes Fatin react the way she does - though she is genuinely angry, on behalf of Rachel - or frustration that Leah can’t let go - though Fatin is certainly frustrated, and tired, and stressed out because of her.

Underneath it all, what drives Fatin in these first two episodes is fear. The very realistic fear that if Leah doesn’t stop, Fatin’s going to lose her for good, on top of everything they’ve already lost. Fatin puts on a good show, but she is, at the end of the day, a terrified seventeen year old girl who’s masking all her fears with anger, because anger is easier to deal with and does not require you to be vulnerable. She doesn’t have time to be vulnerable! Not with everyone counting on her for emotional support! Not when they have to focus on surviving!

And here’s the irony again: Fatin is too harsh with Leah, tries to snap her out of it because she’s scared of losing her - and Leah almost takes her own life. No wonder Fatin shuts down after that. No wonder she doubles down on the anger - now she has to hide fear and guilt, because she definitely, unfairly, blames herself for Leah’s near-overdose. No wonder it takes some time and distance for their relationship to recover, while Leah leans on Rachel, and obeys Fatin’s last injunction - she buries the theories ; while Fatin watches her get better from afar, and allows herself to believe Leah will be okay. But I do wish we’d spent just a bit more time on all of this, because it’s a messy, messy situation, and there’s a lot of feelings to explore for both of them.

#me: write a novel about these two instead of writing any of the work emails i have to send #the wilds #fatin x leah #leatin #random meta #tagging this as #long post #cause it really is too long sorry everyone #just so you know the original draft was twice longer

[linkspooky]

THE WORST STALKER

After having a lover’s quarrel, Atsushi and Akutagawa are destined to reuinite, in a fight that will probably serve as the climactic battle of the arc, happening at the same time as Dazai and Sigma vs Chuuya and Dostoevsky. This fight will also confront Atsushi about his most major flaw, his demonization of Akutagawa refusing to see him as anything other than a murderer even when presented with more sympathetic traits, by now being faced with a vamped up, Akutagawa who cannot kill and is not anything other than death incarnate. 

1. A Mafia Member Who Does not Kill

Atsushi has always had an incredibly strict black and white view of morality. This way of thinking isn’t entirely his fault, it was quite literally drilled into his head as a kid. Atsushi believing he needs to play hero and protect innocent lives in order to continue to prove his right to live, divides people into roughly two categories, innocent people he needs to save, and villains he needs to punch. Despite how similar Akutagawa is to him, he always espouses how Akutagawa is in the latter category. 

Dazai’s a murderer. Not only that he took Akutagawa into the mafia, and groomed him to be a weapon and a murderer, beating him, or even trying with bullets when he didn’t comply with Dazai’s harshb rand of training or didn’t lsiten fast enough. Threatening to thorw him out on the streets again and let him starve when he didn’t perform well enough.

Kyouka’s a murderer. She killed thirty five people, men, women and children with no discretion simply obeying as she was told. She’s an orphan just like Akutagawa, she was someone who was taken into the mafia and taught to kill in order to survive the same way Dazai took in Akutagawa. 

The only difference between them and Akutagawa, is Atsushi’s own personal judgement. One thing to remember about Atsushi is as much of a cinnaemon role as he appears on the surface, he is actually, incredibly mentally unhealthy. He actively hallucinates his dead orphanage headmaster screaming at him, even still. He hates himself deeply and viscerally. 

The reason Atsushi’s ego is able to go on at all, is because he protects himself with reality-distorting defense mechanisms. Denial. Refusing to believe stressful truth. Suppresssion. refusing to think about stressful truths that have entered his memory. Rationalization, making up excuses like blaming Akutagawa for the way Dazai treated him, because he wants to continue thinking of Dazai as a good person and Akutagawa as a bad one. 

Defense mehcanisms are theorized as a variety of atuomatic tactics to protect ourselves from anxiety, especially against threats to the self-image, often without realizing we’re using them. We alllie to ourselves sometimes, or avoid things that unnerve us, or sheild ourselves from stress in many way. 

Atsushi loathes himself, but also he has to continue going on fighting, so in order to do that he finds somebody else to hate. Projection, another mental defense mehcnanism by which people attribute to others within their own mind is what allows Atsushi to keep going. What was drilled into Atsushi’s head at a young age, was that out there in the world there are people who only hurt others, worthless people who don’t have the right to live because they can’t protect others.

“Those who can’t protect are worthless” and also “This is the face of an evil person who uses violence to abuse the weak, hate me, but never hate yourself.” While Atsushi has survived his headmaster’s abuse, and even the headmaster himself as passed on, Atsushi’s entire worldview is still defined by what the headmaster taught him. Atsushi has to protect people, otherwise he’s not good. Akutagawa has to be an evil person using violence to abuse the weak, an evil person he hates, otherwise he will hate himself. Even in an alternate universe of Beast where Atsushi is the one massacring people for the mafia, and Akutagawa is just trying to save his sister, Atsushi still insists that Akutagawa must be evil, there must be no goodness inside of him. 

Atsushi builds his entire ego on proving himself good, but also his ego-defense mechanism needs a scapegoat for him to project all of this “bad” and self loathing onto. It’s the only way the master taught him to keep going on. That’s why unlike Akutagawa who is in perfect control of his own ability, Atsushi turns into a tiger, and berserks. it’s always someone else doing the violence, there’s someone else to blame, Atsushi hates the tiger, not himself.

The entire point of the movie Dead Apple is that even someone like Atsushi, who loathes murder, will raise his claws in defense of his own life because he just wants to live. 

Atsushi and Akutagawa are both orphans who are struggling their best to live as stray dogs, but Atsushi and his belief in internal goodness needs to demonize Akutagawa in order to pulift himself. He doesn’t think he can go on living without doing this, it’s a defense mechanism. 

The ending of the last  arc, and prelude to this arc began with a simple challenge between Akutagawa and Atsushi. Akutagawa was not to kill anyone for the next six months. While yes it’s good for Akutagawa to stop killing people and start walking the path that Oda walked to become a better human being, he also fixates on this part of Akutagawa being a murderer, and that’s why Dazai won’t accept him. See, there’s a reason Dazai abused Akutagawa, he’s bad and therefore he deserved to be abandoned, and Atsushi doesn’t have to think about it anymore, or the possibility that Dazai might abandon him too one day

2. The Tiger is Strong, but You Are Weak

It’s important to recognize this fact because no thinking, is Atsushi’s worst coping mechanism. By refusing to see the full reality of the situation, he gives up his agency. At his worst in the Beast AU, Atsushi is just a completely mindless follower of Dazai’s ideals believing absolutely everything Dazai says will become reality, because he is too afraid and crippled by guilt to make full decisions himself. 

“The Tiger is Strong, but you are Weak” is the way Kunikida starts this arc assessing Atsushi’s abilities at the start of this arc. Once again, bringing up Atsushi’s flaw that he, himself, as a person, does not think and exert his will on reality. He lets other people take control, he lets the tiger take control, he lets Dazai take control, he blindly obeys rather than thinking for himself because Atsushi is quite literally so self-loathing his ego can barely handle making those decisions. 

This is also a prettty major flaw for Akutagawa too, existing only for Dazai’s approval, blindly following the port mafia, but also Atsushi exists in a much healthier environment than Akutagawa does now with the detective agency, and Atsushi still doesn’t really want to grow past thinking the way he did as an orphan child. Playing hero lets him feel like a hero, he doesn’t want to think beyond that, he doesn’t want his notions of the world challenged,especially by people like Akutagawa. 

This entire arc is about challenging, Atsushi’s black and white notions of the world. Not the strength of the tiger, but the strength of Atsushi himself to decide for himself. It starts out with Goggol pointing out the completely obvious fact that murderers aren’t what the headmaster told Atsushi they were, they’re not evil people who do evil for evil’s ska,e but rather normal people who feel guilty just like anyone else. Atsushi is confronted by the Hound Dogs, who blindly follow justice the same way he does, some of the members like Jouno don’t really care if the people they’re fighting are truly guilty or not, as long as they get to punish evil. He’s confronted with what it’s like to be on the other side of someone assuming you are a complete monster and enemy, and fighting you in that dehumanizing way. 

However, I’d like to point out, time and time again how Atsushi acts during this arc, the majority of whicb he spends time seperated from Dazai. Everytime he’s asked to think for himself, he conjures an image of Dazai to tell him what to do. 

Dazai, or at least the image of him, has essentially become what the headmaster was to him before. He’s an image in his mind that commands him to go forward when he doesn’t know what else to do. However, I doubt Dazai is actually using a way to pass a message. 

The much morelikely explanation is that Atsushi is figuring these things out all on his own, but Atsushi’s self-esteem and confidence being at the bottom of the marianna’s trench, he can’t even imagine deciding these things for himself. Atsushi thinks hecan’t stand up on his own, so, he imagines Dazai ordering him to do these things or sending him secret messages. Remember, Atsushi has actively hallucinated the headmaster several times before this, and they both occupy similiar positions in his mind. 

Atsushi’s ultimate goal is to get rid of the headmaster’s voice in his head, and learn to think for himself and stand on his own two feet, however, this goal is continually sabotaged by the fact that lacking any self confidence, or even a strong self image, Atsushi is absolutely terrfied of being alone. 

He’s both afraid of the burden of responsibility he faces when he’s alone, and he’s also simply afraid of being left alone again because at the orphanage he was always alone. 

The direction of the fight seems obvious when Akutagawa shows up to fight side by side with Atsushi, however, they’re both sabotaged by the same flaw they share. They essentially don’t want to grow up and think for themselves, so they let themselves become Dazai’s tools. “It’s not that Dazai-san discarded me, it was all a test, he planned for this all along.” 

Atsushi similialy doesn’t think for himself, or reassess the situation at all. For one he didn’t believe that Akutagawa would stop killing people. He doesn’t challenge the situation, or reassess his ideas of Akutagawa at all. 

In essence, they’re both stagnating, because they’re too fixated on the ideas they’ve learned in the past, rather than letting themselves change and grow. Akutagawa still after all this time, it’s all about proving himself worthy of Dazai, and convincing himself Dazai didn’t discard him, to the point of imagining everything Dazai has done to him so far as just a test to strengthen his ability. Atsushi wants to see evil in Akutagawa and good in Dazai, so he doesn’t question these circumstances at all and continues following Dazai’s orders. Thetwo of them don’t work together as a team, as Akutagawa and Atsushi, they just try to copy the way Dazai strategized and try to be a second double black. 

Atsushi’s defense mechanisms in his mind are so strong, he straight up, ignores reality at times. He misses quite obvious conclusions. 

He can’t comprehend something as simple as the fact that Akutagawa sacrificed his life in order to protect both Atsushi and the mission, because that challenges the defintiions of good and evil he’s drawn up in his own head. (There’s a reason this entire fight is called hero vs. crimminal). It’s these defense mechanisms that won’t allow Atsushi to change. Instead of trying to learn new things and growing up, Atsushi is just trying to do the same thing he always does to solve the problem, follow Dazai’s plan, be the hero, and defeat the crimminal. 

However, Atsushi not thinking for himself, just following other people’s deudctions leads him into a trap once again. 

Atsushi is smart when he wants to be, for example, he noitced a simple contradiction in the hound dog’s words that pointed out the fact she wasn’t being fooled by Kamui and was in on the plan, because she possessed more knowledge than she should have.

However, he was also naive enough, to just walk straight up to her and be like “We’ll just talk things out with Ranpo, I know you’ve been hunting me this entire time but I’m sure once Ranpo explains everything will be 100% okay.” 

I hope I’m making my case here, Atsushi is actually perfectly capable of using rational thought, he’s even intelligent and observant at times, but he prefers not to think for himself and only follow other people’s plans and because of that he walks straight into obvious traps like this one. I mean, this scene was happening at the same time as the Kenji fight. Kenji is the guy who walks straight up to crimminals like “hey, did you guys commit a crime? Be nice and tell me, pretty please?” 

Atsushi is afraid to make his own decisions like an adult would, so he willfully gives up agency, and also sticks to his childish notions about the world. Akutagawa is a murderer who likes killing people and therefore he’s evil. Atsushi saves people, and therefore he’s good. There’s absolutely no overlap between Atsushi and Akutagawa, and he has to hate Akutagawa because he is a good person who obviously hates evil people. Atsushi remaining stagnant in that way of thinking, is exactly what brought him to chapter 102. 

There are two pieces of foreshadowing in this chapter, one the sword. 

Number one, the sword’s power is explained while we are shown Atsushi being tied up at the same time. The sword’s power is to make someone else capable of using your ability. Explaining this as simple as possible, Bram Stoker no longer has control over his vampires or the ability to create new vampires. 

The one with all the power to create new vampires, is Kamui, because he wields the sword and is marked. So even though he’s using Bram Stoker’s ability, the one who has any and all control about how that ability is used is Kamui himself as long as he carries the sword and the mark. This is all explained, while Atsushi himself is contained. 

Second, the appearance of the Dazai hallucination. The symbol of Atsushi’s desire to just, let someone else be in control, and the reappearance of Aktuagawa as a mindless, killing machine, the way Atsushi has always perceived him. 

The quote that started this entire arc  is “the tiger is strong, but you are not.” Now, we may see the culmintion of that foreshadowing, both Atsushi and Akutagawa’s desire to have a final fight against one another in order to settle things and move on with their lives after six months of Akutagawa not killing, but also Atsushi training to be strong without relying on the tiger’s strength.

My prediction is this, the sword which removes a person’s ability to control their own ability and instead gives it to someone else, is going to be used on Atsushi seperating him from control of the tiger. 

At that point Atsushi will face the mindless Akutagawa again, but this time the fight between them can’t be settled the way they want it to, by seeing who’s ability is stronger. Atsushi will have to face Akutagawa as a man, and reach out to him as a person, in order to bring him back. 

Whne he finally takes that step and bridges the gap between himself and Akutagawa, not only will they have surpassed Dazai and Chuuya by learning to actually cooperate as a team, but Atsushi will have grown as a man. Akutagawa and Atsushi not only need to grow into adults, they also need to be better than what came before them, in order to take down the threat against the world this time. 

#shin soukoku #sskk #atsushi nakajima #dazai osamu #akutagawa ryunosuke #bsd meta #bungou stray dogs meta #bsd 202 #bungou stray dogs 202 #bungou stray dogs 202 spoilers #bsd 202 spoilers

[bittersweet--chaos]

here are the quotes, feel free to place characters with quotes and make silly/serious situations they’d be said in:

“they may have no names, but there’s an identity to be acknowledged.”

“if i walk into hell i want it to be blazing, not lukewarm”

“one day you’ll decompose and i’ll be there to watch it happen”

“why would you blame the people reaching for heaven instead of the god who cursed them?”

“if no art makes you feel anything, make your own art and feel something”

“god may judge you but his sins outnumber your own”

“someday you will have to answer for your actions and god may not be so merciful”

“you cannot kill me in a way that matters”

“decay exists as an extant form of life”

“she hadn’t kissed freedom only to die before she could fuck it”

“if you go knocking on enough doors asking to see the devil, eventually he may answer”

“you’re not satan, your god. satan kills far too fewer people”

“The bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in Hell, yet here you are, limbo dancing with the devil”

“one day you’ll be face to face with whatever saw fit to let you exist in the universe and you’ll have to justify the space you’ve filled”

“if gods can bleed, gods can die”

“the fruits of the earth do not exist to be worth something to us”

“baby every me is me, we are the mask and the wearer”

“i wade through honey-rich excess while you starve of your own volition”

“in a game of no consequences, why do you still play the ‘good’ side?” - “because being mean makes me feel bad”

“we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it”

“you’ve opened this can of worms, now lie in it”

“darkness without light is an abyss, light without darkness is blinding, you cannot have a coin with one side.”

“i survived because i burned my ancestors”

“the stars don’t care who i am or what i do, i owe the universe nothing, i exist on my own terms”

“the version of me you created in your mind is not my responsibility”

“my body may be a temple but i am the god to whom it is devoted; do not presume to tell me how i may decorate my altar”

“the intelligence of animals is measured by how willing they are to obey the commands or humans” - “same goes for students”

“the anger in your heart warms you now, but will leave you cold in your grave”

“even the ground wouldn’t want him to rot in it”

“if you didn’t want to die, then why were you born?”

“when i leave you will understand why storms are named after people”

“did you forget that beasts have claws and teeth”

“lions do not loose sleep over the opinion of sheep”

“freedom is a length of rope and god wants you to hang yourself with it”

“it’s not that deep” - “maybe not, but the ground is soft and i’m ready to dig”

“i’d rather die standing than live kneeling”

“you could sooner divert a river from its course than deny my nature”

“you can’t shake the devils hand and say you’re only kidding”

“do you think god stays in heaven because he, too, lives in fear of what he’s created?”

“pick a god and pray”

“i’ll do whatever you want” - “then perish”

“i will face god and walk backwards into hell”

“all knowledge is based on that which we cannot prove, will you fight? or will you perish like a dog?”

“in whatever manner it comes to be, love is never wrong, especially between one who has so much of it to give, and one so desperately in need of it”

“we deserve a soft epilogue my love”

“those who have no gods or kin to aid them must rely on themselves”

“only bare your teeth if you’re willing to get blood on them”

“our paths may have crossed briefly, but you still had the misfortune of knowing me”

“you bury a seed not because it looks nice in the dirt, but because the limbs that branch out will look nice in the sky”

“kill me. kill me and live with the memory. then tell the stars that you won”

“the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”

“even fate picks its favorites”

“then become the dirt i walk on”

“you kneel before my throne unaware that it was born of lies”

“Thucydides said that "The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools" however you appear to be both a fool and a coward”

“live with what makes you comfortable but know that ultimately you're not telling yourself the truth"

“You will beg for death but due to what you said today, I will deprive you of that luxury”

“you, who are without mercy, now plead for it?"

There’s to many of them to give to characters so imma do that another time

#leto_talks #ghost 👻

[diavolosbaby]

Can i request some Agst? But with Happy Ending, MC is always take care of the brothers, Get them out of trouble, always support them no metter what and one day some "Demon hunter ( not the Angel)" Thing come to Devildom The Demon Hunter is strong even Diavolo have to take care of it and when the Demon hunter is about to shoot arrows.... They shoot MC with 7 Arrows and They just leave. Brothers Reaction + Diavolo,

Sure!

A demon hunter comes to Devildom, MC takes the hit to save the demons

Feat. The Demons

Note: this contains some explicit gore with blood and some torture aspects

Diavolo let the demon hunter into the Devildom, he just wanted to get closer to his goal of Harmony between the three realms. He didn't know he was a hunter of course.

Being the strongest demons in the Devildom, Diavolo and the brothers would be perfect targets. You were suspicious and kept an eye on the new human running around.

You kept such a firm eye on him at one of Diavolo's parties, that you had a feeling something was wrong. Your feeling was only justified when you looked up to see a crossbow pointed at [ *Demon name* ].

You weren't thinking. You stepped in the way of the soon to be collision and were shot. 7 times. 7 is enough to kill a demon, so 7 poisoned arrows into a human's body meant no chance of survival.

Who did you sacrifice yourself for?

Diavolo:

- His blood went cold.

- "No.. MC.... No... Wait.... How...?"

- He was stuck in a daze but was pulled out by Lucifer, begging him to heal you

- He immediately obliged, tears in his eyes. You were bleeding out. In front of him... He could have taken that hit. So why did you..?

- As soon as you are healed up he apologizes and firmly tells you to never do something like that again.

- he tries to stay firm but he ends up crying. No, sobbing. What if he has lost you?

Lucifer:

- As soon as he notices you rush in front of him he panics and tries to act quickly, but he wasn't quick enough.

- has a mere second of a shaky breath, but after that he is down right beside you, watching you bleed out and trying to heal you to the best of his abilities.

- he throws away his pride and yells/begs at diavolo to help him, Diavolo obeys.

- Lucifer doesn't leave your side and barely let's anyone else by your side. He knows it's selfish and others are worried too, but he doesn't care.

- When you're healed but still bed ridden, he comes into your room to check on you literally every hour.

- doesn't thank you, but is a little softer towards you for awhile.

- Blames himself for not being on guard. For a few months he's completely tense and ready to fight or leap into action.

Mammon:

- He blinked and you were up against his back, bleeding out.

- "Hey... Wait... Hold on a minute..."

- was stunned, didn't know what to do. Couldn't speak. Couldn't move. Just stared and held your hand as you were healed.

- he wanted to do more, he really did. But he just couldn't. He's lived through this twice now.. The second worse than the first.

- When you were stable he didn't know what to say to you, he cried. A lot. He stayed by your side for as long as possible.

- You were his human.. And he failed to protect you. Again.

- He stays in this traumatized state for awhile. Only you can bring his spirits back up. Get well soon so he can too!

Leviathan:

- One minute you were standing next to him, the next you were falling towards the ground

- Saw the blood staining the floor and arrows in your chest and lost all balance, he's now on the floor with you, gasping for air

- "No this can't be real...!"

- he can't handle this, he can't look at you any longer, he runs out and pukes into some plant. Sobbing and gasping for air in some hallway until someone comes to get him.

- After the event, he avoids visiting your room to check on you. He just doesn't think he can. He can't believe he just ran away and left you like that. He's such a coward, is what he's thinking.

- He avoids you until you ask for him, so he feels obligated to come to you.

He can't keep eye contact, his heart his pounding, he wants to run away again!

- immediately apologizing, feels so guilty. You take a hit for him and he runs away and avoids you.

- You'll have to work hard with him to teach him to forgive himself and that he's not a coward.

Satan:

- He felt that something was wrong to, he just didn't act on it. God, he should have acted on it.

- He caught you when you started to fall. "MC! Oh my god... MC!"

- looks at where the arrows came from and locks eyes with the demon hunter. "You're mine." He mumbles under his breath.

- yells at Lucifer and Diavolo, no. Yells out for ANYONE to heal you.

- as soon as someone is by your side and tending to your wounds, he sprints to the fleeing hunter.

- rips him to shreds. There's a gasp only, no time for a scream. Just growling and ripping flesh.

- When you are stable and accepting visitors, Satan is lined up at your door.

- asks you all the questions. "Are you feeling alright?" "Why did you jump in the way or the attack? "Do you need some water?" "Are you hungry?"

- brings your meals up to your room and stays to eat with you. He thanks you but also firmly tells you to NEVER do something that reckless again.

Asmodeus:

- Screams the loudest when he sees your body hit the floor

- crouches down and shakes you, poor boy doesn't know what to do

- "Not real this isn't real! Get up sweetie! MC! Get up!"

- passes out when you're taken away from him to be healed, when he wakes up you're also awake. He sprints to your room.

- will give you hugs and kisses that seem to last forever, he knew you'd be alright!

- will want to take a relaxing bath with you.

- Of course he thanks you. You had to protect his beautiful body, he understands. Although, he much would have preferred him to be hit with arrows than you.

Beelzebub:

- He could have taken the hit...so why did you step in the way...?

- catches you and holds you tight, doesn't realize you can't be healed this way. Lucifer has to apprehend him to be able to access your body.

- while Lucifer is holding him back, he's screaming in anguish. He thinks you're already gone.

- "No god no not again! Not again please!"

- Belphie comforts him and is the only one to get through to him. Once he learns you're still alive and are stable, he immediately goes to you.

- eats with you and acts like nothing happened.

- He might seem like his usual self but he's still shaken up. Being beside you is healing him.

Belphegor:

- He didn't know what was going on. He was already falling asleep while standing. But when your body made a "thud", he was wide awake.

- was looking down at your bleeding out body, speechless.

- "What happened..? MC..? MC!"

- crouches down and holds your hand while crying, begging you not to leave him. He's apologizing and pleading.

- Once you're healed up and in bed for visitors he waits for a bit to visit you, definitely isn't the first one in your room.

- tries to act like everything is normal like the older twin, but ultimately fails.

- hugs you while sobbing.

- "I thought I would lose you... Why couldn't you have just let me die...? I would rather die..than for you to..."

I had fun with this! I live for angst!

I hope this was to your liking!

#obey me headcanons #obey me #obey me mammon #obey me scenarios #obey me shall we date #obswd #obey me lucifer #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me leviathan #mammon x reader #lucifer x reader #leviathan x reader #satan x reader #asmodeus x reader #beelzebub x reader #belphegor x reader #obey me angst #obey me shall we date angst #obey me angst headcanons #obey me x reader

[autisticandroids]

so i am thinking back on this conversation i had with @astermacguffin and the lads a few months ago. because aster's horrible version is fun but i also wanted to talk about the charming sitcom version that exists in my head. this may have been codeveloped with dizzy formerly lesbiansamwinchester but i honestly can't remember because we have like six aus that are exactly like this.

anyway the basic premise is, well, cas possesses kelly to help her survive jack's birth, right? and it works! and like, everyone is fine! no one dies! we all happily return to the bunker. except. well. the thing about jimmy novak is that he's dead, and famously, corpses cannot give consent. so cas is, well, stuck.

the solution that they find for this is that cas stays possessing kelly, but when she wants a break, he'll possess one of the other inhabitants of the bunker, that is, sam, dean, or mary.

(mary's living there partly because i'm a "what if mary was a shitty mom but she also was still their roommate" truther and partly for reasons that i will go into later).

anyway. cas spends most of his time possessing kelly, and he's pretty hands off. the thing about kelly is that she's a new mother with a superpowered baby in a bunker full of scary strangers. it's really helpful to have an entity in your body who can 1) make it so that you don't actually need to sleep or rest or take care of yourself, and generally provide you with boundless energy, meaning that the hardships of caring for an infant are way less hard, 2) telepathically commune with the baby to discover its needs and, more rarely, deal with any accidental use of its powers that may happen, and 3) be her friend and keep her company and provide a social bridge between her and the other people in the bunker, whom she is basically trapped alone with since this is the only place in the world safe for jack to be (lucifer is still out there!) and who are freaks that she doesn't know.

like, the toxic environment of the bunker is hugely ameliorated by the presence of kelly and mary as outside gazes, but she's still stuck underground with a bunch of weirdos. plus, cas and kelly can bond over being tradwives and reinforce their shared horrible and horribly romanticized concept of their place in the family. kellycas voice (unison, with absolute conviction) stand by your man <3 keep the family together <3 wives/angels are meant to obey their husbands <3.

(we are baby jack truthing in this one, sorry jack, you're fundamentally just funnier and more narratively uneful as an object in this specific situation. maybe he ages like amara but is still a baby for a while).

anyway, cas spends most of his time possessing everyone not actually controlling their bodies, just projecting a hallucifer style image of himself into their consciousness and hanging out with them. kelly's hallucifer of cas is always using the jimmy vessel, because that's how she knew him.

anyway, the person cas possesses the next most is sam. sam is usually the one to actually walk up to kelly and offer to take cas so that she can have some alone time. most of the time they just hang out together. cas makes it so sam doesn't have to sleep. they read in companionable silence. cas makes sam feel safe. protected. the fact that cas is possessing sam but sam is still in control is therapeutic. overall, sam is pretty much normal about the whole thing.

but he is working on a way to get cas back into his old vessel, because they all want that. sam generally sees cas as jimmy, because that's the vessel sam knew cas in for years, and also sam and kellycas just don't interact that much, because sam isn't really interested in doing much parenting of jack - jack being the son of lucifer still kind of freaks him out, even though sam doesn't blame anyone. plus, he's just better with older kids, and he's part of an entire flock of parental figures that jack has. his help isn't needed that often, so he's just working on getting comfortable with the idea jack so he can be the one to teach him to read.

the person who cas possesses the next most is dean. and he is. well. he is not normal about it. being possessed by cas makes dean go insane. you know how it is. and like, he sees cas most of the time as jimmy, but frequently as kelly as well, because, first of all, dean is probably the person who hangs out the most with kellycas, both because he just wants to hang out with cas, and because after cas and kelly, he's doing most of the childcare. but like. this whole situation is making him gender cas in a fascinating new way and he like. absolutely cannot deal. with that.

dean has a continuous crisis for a month before they finally manage to fuck about it (cas just point blank asks kelly if he can use her body to have sex with dean and she has to become cool with homosexuality really fast, but manages it and agrees because she cares about cas and they've bonded over being tradwives and it doesn't really count as gay the way they're doing it <3. also then she gets to fuck dean, who is hot, and it doesn't even make her a slut because it's not really her! remember, kelly is a republican). also when kellycas and dean fuck cas very much does project his hallucifer image into dean's mind as well so dean is sometimes hallucinating jimmy vessel cas instead of kellycas.

the person cas possesses like. least frequently, is mary. and that's because mary is like, really uncomfortable with it. she frames it to herself as being uncomfortable with being possessed. like, that's her rationalization, but the actual reason is much thornier.

ok so, start here: the reason mary is living in the bunker again is that she wants to be a part of her sort of adopted grandson's life. she misses her boys, little dean and baby sammy. jack is a kind of replacement for them. or, she wants him to be. she and dean do genuinely bond over coparenting jack, and she's happy to be part of his life.

but at the same time... mary has a deeply neurotic with being a mother (and really in the end with being a woman at all). because... she hates it! it's awful to her! and it's so hard! she doesn't want to stay up all night cleaning diapers and rocking away tears. she doesn't want to be trapped in the house all the time, with perfect makeup on for when her husband comes home. she doesn't want to circumscribe her thoughts to fit inside an issue of good housekeeping. and not only that, she's bad at it! when she tried, she constantly failed! the soup was from a can and the house was always a mess and sammy was always crying and she just couldn't get it right. she loved her boys, but they made her life a living hell. and she can't deal with it. not only did she fail as a woman and wife and mother, but she hated every step of the way so much that she didn't want to succeed. and this tortures her. she hates herself so much for this, and she can't even figure out what's wrong! like she doesn't understand why she can't just be a Normal Woman.

and then. and then there's kellycas. kellycas who is always freshly showered despite having a three month old and never looks exhausted and always seems cheerful and can always get the baby to stop crying and has probably never even once thought about drowning it in the bathtub. kellycas who is the Perfect Nightgown Mother that mary could never, ever be. and kellycas who, worst of all, seems to like it. and worst of all, cas isn't even a woman, and he's better at this than she ever was.

mary hates kelly. she doesn't hate cas, she doesn't know how to feel about him, but she projects her impulse towards feminine competition all over kelly. she can barely say two civil words to her.

and what's awful about this is that mary is comparing herself to an impossible standard. because like, yes, kelly and cas are a lot more cut out for parenthood than mary was because they both kind of chose this. they wanted it. mary only had children because it was expected of her. but also... they're cheating! not only do they have three other adults in the household ready and willing (and sometimes begging!) to help them, but cas is an angel! it's a lot easier to take care of an infant when you don't have to sleep! it's a lot easier to keep yourself looking presentable when you can do your hair with your grace! it's a lot easier to stay cheerful when you're incapable of getting hangry!

and so when cas is possessing mary, she swims in this background radiation of deep humiliation because she feels like he's judging her for her failed womanhood. and when he projects an image of himself, she usually sees kelly's body, not jimmy's, because she's had a lot more close contact with cas-as-kelly by this point, and this only makes things worse. so when cas possesses her, she just feels really bad in a way she can't unpack or articulate. so he doesn't do it very often.

#spn

[beels-burger-babe]

With You Always

***So I really really really love this idea, but I'm going to tweak it just a little bit so rather than only seeing them in mirrors, MC can just always see them when the brothers aren't around. This one is going to take place after they return to the human realm. I'm also going to be using he/him pronouns for the crush that'll be mentioned. I figured since all the dateables in the game identify as male, it'd be a safe bet. Thank you so so much for this creative request @gender-less-lemon (also I freaking love your profile picture. Monster Camp/Prom is hilarious)***

Summary: An average day of high school with MC...and the seven pact manifestations that haunt their vision.

TW: Bullying You were awoken not by an alarm, or your guardian, or even some random noise from outside, but rather a phantom gnawing on your arm. With a groan, you blinked open your eyes and saw just your regular old room, with one minor difference; a spectral red bear was happily teething on your elbow. You chuckled and pet the manifestation, noting the brightly glowing symbol of gluttony resting in its stomach. "Okay, Beel," you mumbled to yourself as you dragged yourself out of bed, pushing the purple translucent calf sleeping on your stomach, in the process. "I hear you." Ever since you had returned to the human realm, you had been followed around by spectral manifestations of the seven pacts that you owned. By the looks of things, no one else could see them, and they only appeared when the connected sin was active or needed, but it helped you feel less alone. You missed the brothers more than you had anticipated. It was more than a little bit of a culture shock to go from being loved and spoiled every day to being the misfit in your high school. Speaking of which, you needed to get going if you weren't going to be late. As you rushed around our room frantically grabbing the things you needed to get ready, the calf-like manifestation of sloth sat on your bed mooing in complaint. You sent a glare over to it as you finished collecting your belongings. "Trust me, I rather stay home and sleep too, buddy. But I have to go." Grabbing some fruit on your way out the door, you just managed to make it to school on time. Now it was simply a matter of surviving the day.

In all honesty, you preferred RAD to high school. In RAD, the subjects were interesting and grasped your attention without any problems at all. You had friends, even outside of the brothers. Sure there were always demons that would talk down about the kid human that clung to the demon lords, but you had the brothers to protect you. It was nice.

Now that you were back in the human world, you had none of that. In fact, you were even more of a misfit than when you were before. The teenager that vanished for a year and came back weirder than before; that was you. At first, you couldn't get people to leave you alone, but once they realized you weren't going to give them answers they backed off. You would occasionally laugh or whisper to the manifestations, which would earn you some more than weird looks, but you didn't care. These weird little ghost-like creatures were one of the only things you had connecting you to the Devildom. They meant more to you than anything else. As you entered your classroom, you had to bite back a laugh at the sight of one of your classmates looking around in confusion as, unknown to them, a golden yellow crow flapped around their head and pecked at the shiny earrings they were wearing. You took your seat in the back of the classroom and watch in amusement as the crow continued pecking at the various belongings of students, causing subtle chaos and confusion. Leave it to Mammon to make your day even when he wasn't actually there. Your teacher walked in and sat down in his chair. "Alright, class. Today we're going to continue with our history presentations. Remember these were subjects of your choice, so I do hope that you can at least pretend to be interested," he sighed and pulled out a clipboard. "Looks like the next person presenting is...MC." You winced and looked down at your notes. The topic was definitely one you were confident in, but to present it in front of your class. What if no one liked it? What if people laughed? What if- You felt a nudge on your arm. You glanced over to see a dazzling blue peacock, straightening its long neck out high as it puffed out its chest. The pride manifestation gestured forward with its head and almost seemed to smile at you. You smiled gently as you felt warmth grow from his pact mark on your inner wrist and stood up beside the peacock. It cawed and began to strut forward, leading the way to the front of the class. The mental image of Lucifer doing the same almost caused you to burst out laughing. You finally turned to the class and held your head up proudly as you began to speak. "My presentation today will be on biblical demonology and the way it has evolved throughout the eons of its existence." It was the best presentation you had ever given in your life. Riding off of the high from history class, the day seemed to fly by. Before you knew it was time for lunch. The bear was back, this time just softly moaning it continued butting your back with its head in an attempt to get you to go to the cafeteria faster. With one particularly heard shove, you were sent stumbling forward, directly into the chest of someone. "I'm so sorry! I'm a total clutz. I just tripped, I hadn't meant to-" you cut yourself off as you looked up and noticed you were looking at your crush. Your jaw snapped shut as you felt your face suddenly become uncomfortably hot. He smiled and waved off the apology. "It's alright. Just an accident right?" Your face became even hotter as you noticed a bright pink rabbit jumping up and down happily behind him. "I- Uh...Ehm...Y-Yeah! Yeah, t-totally an accident. I'm seat so I should go find my hungry. I-I mean!" He chuckled and nodded. "No worries, I get what you're trying to say. Enjoy your seat, MC," he gave you a wink, causing you to squeak as he walked off. You glared down at the rabbit running happy circles around your feet and the red bear that was sulking guiltily in a corner. "I blame you two for this." With an embarrassed huff, you entered the cafeteria and found yourself instantly wanting to walk back out. Everyone was laughing and talking with one another in their friend groups at their tables. Some gossiped eagerly over a magazine. Others sat silently with one another while they gamed or read books. There was even a table where a group of theatre kids were drumming out a soundtrack beat on the table while singing their favourite

songs. You ducked your head down and grabbed a tray of food before moving to the lonely table in the back, doing your best to ignore the giant orange snake that slithered between the tables, occasionally hissing and tripping students. You tried not to think of how you could be just like those groups of laughing friends, if only you were still at RAD. Your heart ached as you thought about the brothers. Maybe you could call them tonight. You let out a heavy sigh as you stood up and went to leave. You had almost made it to the door when a familiar face stopped you. Standing just a couple inches taller than you, surrounded by their groupies, was your tormentor, Taylor. You weren't entirely sure why they hated you so much. You just knew that they did, and that it got even worse when you came back from the Devildom. Taylor smirked with their arms crossed over their chest. "Where do you think your going? You haven't come to say hello yet." You scoffed and tried to walk past them. "Leave me alone, Taylor. I'm not in the mood for this today," before you could get very far, you were harshly onto the floor, stealing the breath from your lungs. You gasped and glared up at them. "What the fuck?!" The bully just sneered down at you. "You may not be in the mood for this, but I am. You know I heard about your weirdo presentation. Demons? Really? What are you, a satanist?" Their word choice was really ironic, for at that moment you noticed the large, white unicorn with flaming green hair and eyes appear behind them. The beast stomped its hooves and whinnied dangerously. You gulped nervously and looked up at Taylor. "Even if I was, it's not your business. I just find the topic interesting is all." You went to stand up, and therefore force the angry horse with a horn away from Taylor, but were stopped as they placed their foot on top of your chest. "I bet that's why you have all those weird tattoos, huh? What did you run away and join a cult for a year? Freak!" You could feel Satan's pact mark on the back of your neck grow hotter and hotter to the point that you were concerned the manifestation may be trying to summon him. Your eyes widen as you noticed it back up a few steps and point its horn at Taylor. You knew that the creatures normally could do small interactions with others, such as tripping or pushing, but you had never seen them attempt anything so violent. You couldn't just let it kill someone. "STOP!" The cafeteria fell quiet, but you weren't looking at them or even Taylor, you were looking at the unicorn. The manifestation neighed in frustration and jumped around, but obeyed your command. You slumped in relief. Looking back over to Taylor, you found them glaring down at you like you were nothing but a bug. They opened their mouth to degrade you even further when a teacher finally stepped forward. "What is happening here?" You walked over to the unicorn while Taylor fed the teacher a handful of lies. You leaned over to the manifestation and whispered under your breath. "Thank you for trying to protect me, but you can't hurt people. Just leave it be." The creature snorted and nuzzled your shoulder. In comparison to the hectic lunch hour, the rest of the day passed by with ease. In no time at all, you were back home in your room. You had just plopped onto your bed, when you heard a familiar ringtone. You smiled brightly and quickly grabbed your D.D.D. before immediately answering the phone. "Hello?" "Oh, you answered that quite quickly," you grinned at the surprise in Satan's tone. "I was just calling to-" "IS THAT MC?! GIMME!!!" You laughed as the sounds of Satan yelling and running from Mammon came through the other end. There was a yelp, a bang, and a victorious whoop before you could hear the device get picked up by someone. "'Hey MC! How was your day? I hope you didn't miss the great Mammon too badly. N-Not that I've missed you or anything just wanted to know how you're doin' is all." Belphie's purple calf climbed its way into your lap once more as you gently patted its head.

"I miss you too, Mammon. And today wasn't bad. I'd say it was pretty average overall." You could hear Satan growl in the background before there was a loud thud followed by a scream from Mammon. Satan took the phone back. "Just average you say? Nothing special?" You frowned and narrowed your eyebrows in confusion. "No, why?" To your right, the unicorn neighed softly and plopped down beside your bed. "Well, I could've sworn I felt our pact become triggered at some point today and...Well in all honesty I was concerned. We worry about you getting hurt without us there with you, MC." You couldn't help but smile softly as one by one each of the manifestations of your pacts made their way to your bed and laid down. "I know," you replied affectionately. "Though I'm never completely alone. So long as I have my pacts, you guys will always be with me." ***This was such an interesting concept to toy around with. I hope this wasn't too confusing and actually makes sense 😅😅 Thanks again for the amazing request @gender-less-lemon!***

Taglist @thegrimgrinningghost

@henry-and-the-seven-lords

@satans-beloved-riv

@cosmixbun

@sufzku

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me fic #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me demon brothers #obey me pacts #obey me requests #teen reader #teen mc #b requests

[skzfelixity]

Love Me Or Leave Me | Chishiya Shuntaro [Alice In Borderland]

Chishiya x Reader

Summary: It’s time for you to question Chishiya’s sincerity. Does he really love you?

Warnings: none

Inspired by: Day6 - Love me or Leave me

Chishiya Shuntaro. This man drove you crazy. Of course you knew, you heard, that he was selfish and manipulative. You knew it, you just chose to ignore it. You knew by the way he showed you affection and you had his undivided attention when he needed something from you and then disappear until he needed to use you again. However, you had a slight hope of his feelings being real and sincere.

I’ve endured it for quite some time,

your cold eyes and words.

He hadn’t approached you for some days now. Meeting randomly in the halls just greeting each other, nothing more. You wanted more, you craved more. You were thinking about him every second of the day and, you were sure, he didn’t think of you at all. You weren’t able to leave him just yet. You didn’t want to, you still hoped.

“If actions speak louder than words...” you laid on your back, looking at the ceiling of your room, which once was filled with yours and Chishiya’s giggles. It was as if you could still hear him, feel him lying next to you, “then it seems like the end is near.”

“The end of the games?” You jumped at the so familiar voice, the short blond man leaning on the wall. You missed it, you missed him.

“I didn’t even hear you come in,” you sighed, falling back into the matress. You felt the matress sink, Chishiya now lying next to you. You turned your head to meet his bored eyes, you really couldn’t tell what he was thinking or feeling. You wanted to read him just like he was able to read you.

“Thinking about me again?” he smirked, making you go pale. He knew you so well, it was pathetic. You averted your gaze to the ceiling, once again sighing, “You wish.”

He chuckled at your lie, looking at the side of your face. He had you wrapped around his finger but he didn’t know for how long. Your feelings didn’t bother him though, he was sure you wouldn’t leave him. He was too sure.

Whether it will end or not,

it’s all up to you.

I have no choice but to watch.

“I came up with a plan,” he sat up, looking back at you, “to leave the beach.”

You immediately jerked up, eyes wide. He wasn’t going to leave you, was he?

“Alone?” You asked rather hesitatingly, looking down at you hands. He carefully lifted your chin up, making eye contact. “Together.”

You felt your heart jump at his answer but you didn’t seem too happy about it,. Wasn’t that enough to assure you that he loved you? No. Maybe he was trying to manipulate you and sacrifice you when something went wrong.

I have to know it to move forward,

Do you even love me now?

“You will steal the cards from Hatter’s room, Kuina and I will be looking out for people.” he simply explained. You failed to notice how fishy the plan sounded because you wanted to ask him one question. A question that would vanish any doubts you had for him. You slowly nodded, fidgeting with your fingers. It’s the right time to ask. He smirked and with a pat on your head, he turned to leave.

You bit your bottom lip, it’s now or never. “Chishiya..” you grabbed his hand to stop him, his dull eyes meeting yours. His expressionless face always discouraged you but you wouldn’t let it get to you this time. He tilted his head, waiting for you to speak.

“Do you...” you exhaled deeply, letting your arm fall to your side. He knew. He knew what you wanted to ask, he isn’t stupid. He actually expected it a lot earlier but he was thankful you put your trust in him so easily,

and also regretful

“Do you love me?” you gazed into his eyes, looking for any signs of emotion. The answer wouldn’t really stop you from doubting him, it would trick you to not doubt him. Did you believe a positive answer would make you feel loved? Wanted? Appreaciated? You didn’t even know. You just wanted to hear it.

I’ll hold my breath as I wait for your answer,

I’ll leave it up to you.

He frowned for a few seconds. Was he going to lie to you? Was his lie going to be a lie or his lie wasn’t really a lie? He was prepared for that question, then why couldn’t he answer? He noticed you holding your breath, probably too nervous to even exist.

“Of course,” he gave you a smile, an awkward one. Maybe it was because of the lack of air that didn’t go through your lungs but you thought it was sincere. The doubts that had been drowning you for the past few days, washed away. You wrapped your arms around his neck, “Glad to finally know.”

He was shocked, mostly at the gesture but you seemed to like him- maybe even love him a lot. Did you really love him more than he knew? His heart started beating faster as he wrapped his arms around you, he blamed it on the affection since he wasn’t used to it. What else could have made his heart so giddy? 

Was it a lie or a deep hidden secret?

[...]

“Chishiya, I’m in!” you whispered in your walkie talkie, observing Hatter’s room. It sure was too big to have plenty of time to search for the cards. “Look inside the closet,” Chishiya said, while listening to Hatter speak to the crowd. He fed them enough nonsense to be able to manipulate them so he could leave first, reminded him of himself.

“What’s the code?” you asked. Chishiya instantly replied, “8022″

Despite having the code, you didn’t try to open it. You froze, this was more dangerous than you thought. If they catch you, you are literally dead. “Chishiya, I don’t think I can do it.”

No answer.

“Chishiya.”

No answer

“Chishiya Shuntaro!”

Again, no answer. Reality hit you, he had used you, again. What did you expect from the selfish jerk? Love? Affection? Sincerity? You were so wrong for trusting him, even more for falling for him.

You were still dumbfounded, knees on the floor. This isn’t a place to find or fall in love, you should have controlled yourself.

“Are you sure, Chishiya?” Hatter’s voice broke you out of your thoughts. You quickly rushed to hide under the king sized bed. The door opened, revealing Hatter, Chishiya and some militants trailing behind him.

“There’s no one here!” Hatter threw his arms up in the air, spinning around. Chishiya was relieved to not see you there, quick to notice Hatter looking at a painting of a deer across the room. He didn’t have time to question himself but he knew why he felt relieved. You grew on him even though his intention was using you, from the very start. You managed to make your way into his heart and it kind of scared him.

He wouldn’t change anything on the plan though, maybe forcing Kuina to steal the cards. Feelings aside, he would do anything to survive. Anyone would do anything to survive in this hell.

Meanwhile, you were shaking so bad. Covering your mouth with your hands to make sure you made no noises. You had never been more scared in your whole life, not even during a game. The feeling of betrayal long forgotten as they didn’t seem to leave the room.

“I thought I saw someone.” Chishiya shrugged, you couldn’t have escaped from the door and no windows were broken. Which meant one thing, you were still in the room. His body stiffened at the thought of you hiding here, possibilities of getting caught were high enough.

“You should look out for me!” Hatter gave him a light pat on the shoulder, “Thank you!”

They all walked out, Chishiya last, throwing another glance to the deer painting before following the others.

You thought it was safe to wait for a while before going out, finally letting the feeling of betrayal overwhelm you. You quietly sobbed, mad at yourself for being so oblivious. Hoping to get out of the beach with Chishiya, how foolish, considering his personality. It was all wrong from the start but you did not fail to notice it, you just didn’t want to.

[...]

You found yourself in the rooftop, red eyes and the light breeze hitting your face. It made you feel calm, relaxed, almost as if the last few hours didn’t happen. You would like to forget them but they had already made their scars on your heart. You found yourself thinking about Chishiya, again. How could a person be so evil, you really didn’t want to see him again. Good thing he left with Kuina.

Or so you thought.

“Knew I would find you here,” a panting Chishiya stood in the top of the stairs, resting on his knees. He raised his hand in the air, showing the incomplete set of cards to you.”I got them, we have to hurry!”

You looked at him, only then he noticed your eyes, you had been crying. Who wouldn’t cry after being betrayed? He sighed, standing up straight. He knew he had messed up, he had messed you up.

You couldn’t bring yourself to hate him, not until he answers your question truthfully. You looked in front of you, knees on your chest and hands keeping them close. You didn’t feel like crying, you didn’t feel like replying. You just needed a break from everyone and everything.

I know your answer is no.

I pretend I do not know,

even though I know.

“Y/N, we-”

“We? We?! There is no we, Chishiya!” You looked him dead in the eye, lips pressed into a thin line. An expression he rarely saw on your face, he did break you. He couldn’t turn back time, he wouldn’t turn back time. All he had to do was fix your broken bond. “It’s just you, so go!”

“You don’t want me to leave you!”

Unfortunately, he was right. Your heart was longing for him, you just wanted to hate him with your whole body and soul, yet you couldn’t. You thought he knew that too. He didn’t have his usual smirk on, what a sight for your sore eyes.

He placed the cards inside his pocket, sighing, he knew if he ever got your trust again it would be a miracle. He was surprised when you didn’t stand up to follow him, it felt so strange to him because you always did what he told you to do. He was so used to you obeying him.

In reality, he didn’t want to leave you. If it was Kuina or someone else who refused to follow him, he would have been gone a long ago. He wouldn’t even come to find them in the first place! He couldn’t blame you for not wanting to see him, he’s the one to blame after all.

I cannot give you up just yet,

not until I hear you say it.

“Say you don’t love me so I can let you go.” You whispered loudly enough for the blond to hear. He didn’t expect you to say something like that, eyes widening. In fact, he didn’t know that you couldn’t hate him. He didn’t know why you wanted him to say that. Of course you didn’t know his feelings. All he had to do was voice them, voice how he felt for you in order to make you understand that his current actions and feelings were sincere.

 “I don’t want you to let me go!”

You were completely clueless of how much of a mess his mind was now. He wanted to let you know what you really meant to him and explain why everything that happened today happened.

Turns out the answer he gave you back then wasn’t a lie, just the unknown truth. He couldn’t say that he didn’t love you. Regardless of not understanding the whole concept of love entirely, he knew he loved you. 

You observed his features, he was wearing a worried and anxious expression. Much to your surprise, it seemed pretty real but you won’t be fooled again. He might need you for another plan in the future. But then again, it seemed pretty real to ignore.

So please answer,

with all honesty.

So please answer me,

without hiding anything.

“I was late to realise my feelings, let alone how they work,” he sighed, “I want to figure out feelings, understand them and feel them,” he came closer to you, leaning down, your faces a few inches apart, “with you.”

He didn’t like the scenario of you getting caught earlier, he wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt. It took him long enough to appreciate your help, your trust, your love for him and your dedication to him, resulting in losing all of these.

“You can’t persuade me like this,” you chuckled, better sorry than fooled again. “Do you even love me now?” You looked away from him, not expecting an answer.

He knew it wouldn’t make a big difference if he answered but he chose to anyway. “I love you,” he grabbed your chin to make you look at him, “I will prove it to you so come with me.”

You pushed his hand away, you were having none of his manipulative tricks. Before you could tell him off, Kuina’s voice echoed through the walkie talkie, “We don’t have time, hurry!”

Chishiya rolled his eyes, pulling his tazer out of his pocket ready to use it on you. “You either come willingly or I’ll taze you and carry you myself.”

“You can taze me, it’ll hurt less than what you did to my heart.”

Can’t give up on you.

#chishiya #shuntaro #chishiya shuntaro #chishiya x reader #chishiya alice in borderland #chishiya aib #chishiya angst #shuntaro x reader #shuntaro chishiya x reader #chishiya shuntaro x reader #aib #alice in borderland #arisu #kuina #niragi #hatter #karube #chota #usagi #ann #aib scenarios #alice in borderland imagines #alice in borderland scenarios #aib x reader #alice in borderland x reader #imawa no kuni no alice #imawa no kuni no arisu

[bakubros-boo-thang]

Disrespected Devil

Wordcount: -4K

Lucifer x F!Reader

Summary: When you disrespect the demon king, Lucifer is forced to say goodbye to you.

Genre: Angst, smutt, slight fluff, but tbh just angst

A/N: So another first. Not only my first time writing for the Obey me fandom (I have a major Obey me brain rot), but also my first time writing angst and I felt depressed after finishing this (which I did a second ago). I love Diavolo, but I needed a reason for the goodbye to happen so even if his dad is the villain, he is the one to execute it... Hope you enjoy this story.

Warning: NSFW, mentioning of being paralyzed I guess.

‘’What’s with Luci today?’’ ‘’He looks more pissed of than usual…’’ ‘’He probably listened to classical music too long and forgot his homework.’’ ‘’Lucifer forgetting his homework will never happen, but if it did he would look like this.’’ Hearing all those whispers during dinner time is nothing new for you. Tonight is different though. You know why he’s mad and you know who’s the blame. But it’s not as if you don’t have a reason to be just as upset. As dinner slowly ends you know there is only a small gap to avoid a situation. ‘’Beel, how about we go bake something for later this evening?’’ You say, as you cling onto the huge redhead. You know that food is a trigger and you know that this is the way to hide from HIM. ‘’Alright, sounds delicious!’’ He doesn’t seem to notice the way you hold onto him for dear life and the same goes for the others. Clearly, they’ve gotten so used to you that it’s not even necessary to be by your side 24/7. It’s not as if they know tonight will be the last time they see you. It’s a small moment of weakness and you feel your heart clench by the thought of leaving those boys. It’s enough to make you lose your grip on Beel's arm. Enough to bend over, because it physically hurts to leave them behind and enough for Lucifer to finally notice you and come to your aid. ‘’Beel, I think she ate something wrong. No cake tonight, I will see her to her room.’’

And with that, he scoops you up and takes you upstairs. Of course, your room is not an option. It’s way too close to the other rooms. No place to yell. No, Lucifer’s room is soundproof. Made for his nights spent with loud classical music and also made for the occasional screaming match with one of his brothers. As he enters the room, he carefully puts you down on his bed. ‘’Are you feeling alright, Y/n?’’ He says as he lays his palm against your forehead. The feeling of sadness is gone, already replaced by nerves. You know what’s coming. You know you won’t hold back. Will this be your last fight with Lucifer? The question never makes it to the surface, because the moment you nod your head in ensurement, Lucifer opens his mouth. ‘’Good, because you have no idea how foolish you acted today.’’  As mentioned before this room reminds you of the occasional screaming matches he must’ve had with his brothers, but never with you. Pissing Lucifer off is easy. You’ve done that plenty of times. Even made him show his true form, but making him scream, that is something you never achieved. Still, it is worth the try. Tonight is your last chance. As you get up you take a look at his face. What faces you is the cold expression he usually shows when he’s done with someone’s bullshit. The expression you have already mirrored back to him. ‘’So you are going to ignore me?’’ I’m not going to answer him. ‘’Are you serious?’’ I am not going to say a word. ‘’Should I spell out what you did?’’ Don’t say a thing. ‘’You just signed your death certificate.’’ His voice cracks and even though it’s far from the scream you aimed for. It’s still the first sign of emotion from the man you care about so much. ‘’Diavolo didn’t seem upset by what I said?!’’ You can’t help but talk louder. especially after being silent for the past few minutes. ‘’ As if he is going to kill me? ME?! And ruin the bonds that are being formed with the humans?’’

You can feel the tears in your eyes, this fight might’ve been about you being disrespectful in some way, but for you it was different. All this time getting closer with all the brothers. All this time loving them. All this time being there for them. It made you realize that the only one who made it difficult was him. With every step getting closer to each other; there were always a few steps back. An obsession with keeping up appearance, an obsession over a promise he would keep no matter what, an obsession with being a stuck-up asshole; That was Lucifer in a nutshell for you. And still, you couldn’t help being drawn to him. As a moth drawn to a flame. Even when the flame could easily kill the moth. Just as easily Lucifer could kill you. And it’s not as if he hadn’t tried that before. ‘’Y/n, You disrespected his father. I had to bargain for you to even leave the castle. The first time I trusted you enough to take you with me alone. And this is how you behave? You know what he wanted to do to Belphegor…’’ You know this story is his weakness. The reason he ended up becoming the lapdog of his so-called best friend. Still, it only makes you more upset to hear him say it. Even when you can hear the slightest hint of emotion in his voice; his eyes stay just as cold as usual. ‘’He is your best friend, isn’t he? He is my friend too, right? You always do this Lucifer! You always get mad over things and it never solves anything. You get mad at me for having fun. You get mad at me for trying to help. You get mad at me for trying to get closer to you. You don’t share things with me! Maybe Diavolo should’ve locked me up. Might as well get myself killed; it’s not as if you never tried to kill me…’’ Your voice is loud as you speak, but his silence is louder. He just stares at you and then it happens.

It’s not that you’re scared you’ve seen his true form before. It’s just as beautiful as him, but it’s also something that happens when he’s full of rage, just as that one time he tried to kill you. You can feel yourself freeze under his gaze. You can feel yourself moving away from him until you reach the headboard of his bed. Still, he moves closer. Until his lips are inches away from your ears. No screams, only whispers; what a way to say goodbye. ‘’DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON?!’’ You are so shocked by the volume of his voice, the bass it carries, that it takes some time to realize he has more to say. Your ear is beeping as he moves his lips away and locks his gaze onto you. ‘’DIAVOLO IS NOT THE FUCKING PROBLEM, Y/N, HIS DAD IS. YOU INSULTED THE KING OF DEVILDOM IN FRONT OF HIS SON AND MULTIPLE WITNESSES. DIAVOLO CAN’T DO SHIT ABOUT THAT.’’ Only now do you notice the way his hands are gripping your arms; The way his expression has changed from cold to almost desperate. ‘’That guy has only been able to do what his dad wanted. Our friendship is real, but if his father told him to kill me, he would do it without hesitation. Do you really think he would think twice about killing you? IF HE WOULD KILL ME -HIS BEST FRIEND- IN AN INSTANT?” You notice the tears in his eyes. Lucifer is screaming and crying, but this isn’t a win. Before your heart breaks again, his arms are around you and his face is hidden in your neck, but that doesn’t stop the words. ‘’I had to send you away. I had to be cold. They know I care about you, but not to this extent. I had to pretend it was for the sake of the bonds. After you left I had to beg on my knees for your survival. I had to beg. The avatar of pride begged someone on his knees. It was all Lillith over again…’’

There is nothing you can say to fix this. It might’ve slipped your mind while you were there. But you were surrounded by royalty. What might’ve seemed innocent for you, was clearly a lot for them and now you had to leave everyone you loved behind. You can feel the tears fall from your eyes. “I’m sorry Luci, I truly am.” It won’t help, but it’s the least you can say as you look up into his eyes. He is still in his true form, but even with his wings all spread out, he has never looked more vulnerable. There is a sad smile on his lips as he caresses your cheek. “I know you are, you fool.” He says with no trace of the rage he had before. “ I don't want to leave you all…I don't want to leave you!” You know that you sound like a small child that already knows he lost and that’s exactly what you feel like. “It’s too late for that now, Y/n. Diavolo gave me tonight to say my goodbyes.”  You try to distract yourself by focusing on his raven colored wings. “So that means I can’t say goodbye to the rest…”  The pain is back. Never being a fool with Mammon, never dressing up with Levi, doing make-up with Asmo, reading books with Satan, eating with Beel or sleeping with Belphie.  You can’t help but grab your chest again. “Are you okay?” Lucifer is supporting you within seconds as he asks the question. “No I’m not, but atleast I get to say goodbye to you.”  And as you look up he leans in and gives you a tiny peck on the lips. “I’ve wanted to do that for quite some time.” He lets out. You can’t help but smile as you pull him back towards you. “Let's make it a proper goodbye then.” You whisper as you pull him back to your lips.

It’s not like it’s your first kiss with Lucifer, but it’s the last and that’s what makes it so much more special. It’s the combination of mutual sadness and desperation, the hint of rage still brewing somewhere deep inside the both of you. He knows your body, the way it will arch when he pushes you all the way down onto the bed. The tiny gasps when he starts kissing your neck. The way you look away when he starts kissing all the way down your body. ‘’Please keep looking at me, dear. I want you to see how much I am going to miss you.’’ It’s enough to make your heart flutter, the way he starts to attack your core with his tongue right away. It’s obvious he is in a hurry, but even with all the sadness, it’s the best way there is. You can’t help your moans; You’re lucky his room is soundproof. He’s fast, maybe too fast, but with everything that’s going on, it’s the best you can get. And that’s what it is. The best, because within a few minutes you can feel yourself starting to reach that point. The knot in your stomach tightens. your hands end up in his hair and with one loud moan, you erupt around him.

‘’I know that Mammon claims he was your first… in multiple ways… and not to discredit my brother, but I intend to be your last in all of them.’’  He says as he looks at you while he licks his lips. Him saying those words, the way he just made you lose your mind. It feels good, after all the fighting, teasing, kisses and losses , you’re with the man you love. You don’t want to ruin the mood. You’re really trying, but the moment you hear yourself thinking about loving him, about leaving him, about leaving his brothers, you just break. The tears start to form in your eyes and as you try to wipe them away you feel something on your arms. Lucifer. His eyes are cold again as he moves up to face you. ‘’Don’t hide your tears. I am just as sad.’’ He takes a long look at you, lets out a sign, and lays next to you as he caresses your back. ‘’I don’t want to play the ‘’Who has it worse’’ game, truly, I don’t want to, but in all the years I’ve been in heaven and hell, you’re the first human to have ever make my blood boil. Both from nerves and anger nonetheless, but losing you. Losing the one that made my family whole, the one that makes me feel all these emotions, the one that I love, hurts.’’ You can’t help but raise your brow. when he notices your expression he lets out a laugh.

You feel his hand grab your chin and suddenly your lips are only inches apart. ‘’I know you love me, Y/n. I’ve always known. Falling for you, was what surprised me.’’ You can’t help, but roll your eyes at him. Trying to ignore the way his hand feels on your back. The way it slowly moves it’s way to your hips. ‘’You know I do love all your brothers quite a lot too…’’ You say with all the confidence you have left. ‘’I know you do, but still I am the one that has you laying here. Practically begging for more.’’ He let’s out a chuckle as he pulls you closer. ‘’Let’s end this conversation, there’s not enough time.’’ And with that he’s on top of you. You know there isn’t much time, but when he starts to unbotton his shirt it’s as if time slows down. Of course he notices your looks and can’t help to give you a sly smirk. ‘’Don’t worry your next.’’ Is all he says as he takes his shirt off and starts tugging on yours. After your shirt is taken off he takes a look at your body and all you see is adoration on his face. ‘’I want to see all of you.’’ It makes your body flutter. ‘’You’re absolutely breathtaking.’’ He whispers. All this praise makes you feel weak. You try to grab his face, but as you put your arms up they fall down. You feel weak. Not because of his words, but something else. You see Lucifers expression change, the adorations is switched to concern, then back to concentration and before you know it he scoops you in his arms and makes you straddle him.

He’s looking at you, but not really. Obviously talking to himself. ‘’He wanted to be sure…’’ And as he says it he’s back. Back to giving you a sad smile. ‘’What’s going on?’’ Is all you let out. Is all you can let out, as you feel your body weighing more and more. He notices you getting weaker, making sure your settled between him and the headboard of the bed, before he speaks again. ‘’I think it’s time… Barbatos must’ve cast a spell… something that gave us a time limit. The probably knew it would be hard saying my goodbyes to you. Now I’m forced to make haste, just to make sure you’re safe.’’ You can’t even respond. You can move, but barely and all you can do is watch as Lucifer grabs his shirt. As he moves away from you, you’re sure of it. No this is not the way we’re going to say our goodbyes. It needs to be on our terms. Of course those words never leave your lips, but with all the power you have you reach out to him and as he looks back you let out a: ‘’No...not like this.’’ And maybe it’s the few words you’ve spoken, or the way your arm is trembling from all the power it takes to hold on to him, but he crawls back to you. His face is right above yours and if it’s not your eyes making it obvious what you want, you’re mouth will do. ‘’Take me…’’ It’s not a lot of words, but with the face you’re making and the fact that you guys were just in the middle of it, it doesn’t take much guessing. You can see that he’s thinking about it, obviously worried for you, but you can see his eyes change the moment it clicks.

His wings ar still there and you wished you could touch them, feel them one last time, but you should be lucky by what you can still get.’’I used to be a rebel, so why not know.’’ He laughs quietly before he lays you flat on your back.  ‘’I’m going to take care of you my love, promise me to let me know when it’s too much or when you want to stop.’’ You nod your head and you know that your eyes tell him all he needs to know. How bad you want him, how even when you were able to just talk normally, you would want this goodbye to be said only in silence. His body is hovering over yours, his hand touching your neck, giving you goosebumps. ‘’Does this feel nice?’’ he whispers as his hands move towards your breasts. You can only let out a tiny gasp and that tells him enough. ‘’I wish we had more time…’’ Is all he says as his finger enters your core. The moan that escapes you is loader then the both of you would’ve expected. As he continues to stretch you out with one hand, his other starts to prep his cock. ‘’Wish I could… do that for you.’’ You manage to say. You can’t keep your eyes from him. The way he’s hovering over you. His finger inside of you and the way you can’t do anything except for your stares, moans and gasps. ‘’All I want is to feel you right now, my love.’’

And with that he places the tip right in front of your entrance. He makes sure your faces are only inches apart and as he slowly slides into you, his arms make there way to your sides. He’s holding you as he bottoms out in you and the only thing you can do is let out a long moan. He starts moving slowly, tender, putting all his love in every trust. He’s the only one speaking from time to time. ‘’I love you’s’’ and ‘’You feel so good’ s’’ are filling the room. All that praise, all the love in his eyes. The fact that he’s not only literally hitting all your spots, but also the spots in your mind, is what does it for you. You feel yourself unravel under him. You’re so close, that you start to tear up. Your eyes are filled with tears, mostly because of how good this feels, the fact that you’re making love on stolen time, but also because the time is probably running out soon. Lucifer never increases his speed. When he notices your tears he quickly wipes them away and as his hand caresses your swollen cheek he whispers:  Don’t cry, my love, let us enjoy these last moments.’’ And just as he is about to give you a kiss on the lips you whisper a soft ‘’Love you Lucifer.’’ You notice his eyes being red as well and it’s devastating, but it feels so good. the way he keeps a steady pace has you reaching your peak and these final ‘’I love you’s’’, the final kisses is all you need to feel yourself tightening around him. He’s close too, because the moment he feels you tighten around his cock he gives you one firmer stroke and that’s all he needs to cum inside of you. He falls next to you and quickly takes you in his arms. ‘’I wish we could stay like this forever. I would sell my soul… but I guess in some way my soul has already been sold.’’ And all you can do is give him a sad smile before your eyes close.

Lucifer knew that it was time. You were starting to feel cold, too cold. After putting on some clothes and making sure you were fully clothed, he grabbed the coin Barbatos had given him. ‘’Use this before the time runs out.’’ So he had warned him for the curse. He knew he couldn’t be mad at his friends. He couldn’t be mad at you, he could only blame himself. He had shown his weakness by loving you. But you loved his brothers, loved him, despite all he stood for, without any shame. And even with the way it felt like he was going to lose you forever, it still meant the world he had the honor of getting to know you. The moment the coin was thrown a portal started to form and as he grabbed your cold body the darkness swallowed the two of you. As he opened his eyes he saw nothing, but darkness. It took a few minutes to notice that he was in a room. It must’ve been yours, because he noticed a picture of you next to a bed. He was going to take the picture, he was a rebel after all. As he tucked you in, he was at a loss for words. So all he could do was give you one last kiss on the forehead. Not being able to stop the tears falling from his eyes. ‘’Goodbye, my love…’’ and as the darkness was about to swallow him, he couldn’t help but leave one more thing behind. A raven feather, just for good measure. Returning to the Devildom was going to be almost as hard as leaving you here. He was once again going to be the villain in yet another story… the story of how he lost you.

You wake up to sunlight. Too much of it. Why aren’t your curtains closed? Wait, you have to get out of bed, it’s your turn to cook for everyone. Everyone? You live by yourself… right? It feels like you had a weird dream, but you can’t remember it. All you feel is sadness. As if you’ve lost something or someone important. The pain hits you so hard that the moment you try to stand your legs give out and you lay on the ground as tears fill your eyes. It hurts, but you don’t know why. As your hands try to find some grip to get up, you feel something soft. A feather. A raven black feather. It’s weird, but it feels comforting. Before you can help yourself, your lips are already on it and even when you should be grossed out by it, you plan to cherish the little trinket...

#Obey me #obey me shall we date #lucifer #obey me smut #obey me angst #obey me fluff #Lucifer x mc #lucifer x reader #lucifer x you #lucifer x y/n #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me mammon #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me luke

[sparkbeast20]

Hi! Love your writings! Reaction from both brothers and side characters of Female Gangster MC. Like they just found out

ANS: So, this My first request I ever made. I hope I did you justice with this Anon and also Thank you for the kind words, I'm glad you like my writing <3

If want to send request feel free to send them :3

Warning: Mention of Guns, Blood, Killing, Violence, Taking the fall for someone, and PTSD.

The Brothers and Dateables + (Luke platonic) finding out that F!MC use to be a Gangster

Lucifer

“MC, what’s this” Lucifer points at a scar on her chest, what looks like a stab wound.

“It nothing Lucifer, its just…. It just a remainder not to disobey orders….” She trails off, starting to tear up “it my fault, I got to reckless and almost someone I care about killed” she places a hand on the scar try to keep it together and not show weakness Infront of the Avatar of Pride.

Lucifer slowly took off one of his gloves, and walk closer to MC, and place his hand over hers

“Scars are nothing to be ashamed off, you did it to protect someone you care and….” He places his hand on her chin and lean her head back to met his black and red glance. “Your safe here, you don’t have to worry to go back to that life anymore”

You just the tears fall as your face soft and embrace him, feeling safe knowing that you don’t have hide you past to him.

Mammon

“This all your Mammon!” she angerly whisper in his ear, and groan at her pestering.

“ShHH! Quiet, they’ll hear us human-” then you smack him slightly on the back of his head.

“Whoops, you called me human again”

“Hey! Do you really need to- WAIT there’s a car over there” him point out, and quickly book it to the park vehicle and see that it isn’t lock, however?

“Crap! The key isn’t here” he tries to look around, but quickly push to the passenger, and MC sat the driver sit and open up under the steering wheel.

“Why do I have to do everything around here!” she grabs and cut two wires and start hot wire. In second the car starts up and she buckle her seat belt. “Mams, you guys can survive a car to the face?”

“Yeah…. Why- wait!?! What are you-”

“Buckle yourself in!” She quickly steps on the gas, the demons been chasing them heard the engine, but quickly get hit by the car. As the human and avatar of greed make their escape.

“WHAOOO! I have fun thrill in months” as MC enjoy the adrenaline, Mammon looks over to the human that he was suppose to protect, in amaze and fear. He makes a mental note that Lucifer isn’t the only he shouldn’t just provoke.

Leviathan

“This is impossible!” Levi is struggling with a level from a game from the human world that he just bought, while MC behind him, trying to hold her laughter.

Is a mock version of gang game and Levi, is at the level of the game where to rival gangs are fighting each other for territory?

“You’re focusing on the grunts and not the ones who are hiding from afar- look” she grabs the control from Levi and start playing the level like it was nothing, as she explained how and why he keep dying, all the while Levi is both shock with how MC can play and concern about the implication of how she gotten the knowledge.

“There, now you just have to escape, I never good with car chase, only driving really fast- Huh…. Levi was wrong?”

Levi snap from his train of thought and grab the controller from her, and finishing the level.

“MC, were you-”

“Yeah, but left that behind me.”

Satan

MC and Satan are watch Mammon and Levi being strung up by Lucifer from afar.

“I’m surprise, that you’re not phase about this” Satan asks looking over to her, watching why she not reacting on the display of punishment Infront of her.

“EH… I’ve seen worst”

“Really? What worst then this”

“Being killed-”

“What!?! That’s not punishment!”

“You didn’t let me finish, watching someone being killed Infront of you is worst. It’s a way to learn to obey your boss and survive in world”

She looks on to the demons being strung, while Satan is still letting the information sink in, who know that the human was brought to hell, has already lived in one.

Asmodeus

“I’ve been meaning to asks darling, where did you get your scars?” Asmo asks MC as he and her are taking a bath together.

“Which one?”

“Well…. All of them”

“Ah…. All of them are from fights that I got to”

“Why would you go and get in to fights, you’re to precious” Asmo cooed them move closer and grab her hand, and start scrubbing her arm. She laughs as she is tickled by his action.

“You know, for a bunch of demons. your all nicer than other humans back home” pauses for a moment, by continue with a giggle.

“Well, you don’t have to worry anymore. As long I’m here no one will ever lay a finger on you again” and that’s a promise he made to you and himself.

Beelzebub

“I’m glad you like it Beel” MC made Beel a homemade dish from the human world to calm the hungry demon.

“Its so good, I like your cooking”

“Nah…. You would like Sal’s cooking, he’s the one who taught me how to cook this”

“Maybe, if we go to the human world, you might think he’ll cook for me and my brothers”

“Yeah totally! He loves my friends…...but he can’t”

“Why? Did he leave or something?”

“His at prison, he took the blame for me. And said you should get out of this life….. I guess cooking isn’t the only thing I learn from him” she laughs to hide the fact she misses her mentor.

Beel quickly engulfs her in bear hug, and rub her back.

“Is okay, maybe we can visit him someday”

She sighs and let the tears fall as she return the hug.

“I-I’ll like that, thank Beel”

Belphegor

“You’re still up” MC asks Belphie who is standing at the doorway at her room.

“Sorry, I was waiting for you”

“Really why?”

“You been having nightmare with some men with guns, I figure to help you” she let out sharp gasp and turn away from Belphie.

“I’m sorry to keep you up-”

“No! I already cause so much pain; I want to help you to keep those nightmares away. Like I promise.”

She looks back with her eyes widen and clenching his pact mark on her wrist. She hastily grabs his hand with her head hang low.

“P-please…. Make the nightmares go away….”

“Anything for you, I’ll keep the nightmares and the bad men away”

Diavolo

“You like what you see” Diavolo spoke behind MC startling her, Diavolo was shock to her reaction almost bumping into crown in display.

“Oh, I-I wasn’t planning to steal this I swear-”

“Calm down, I trust you. Sorry for startling you.”

“You trust me, even with my background” she mutters, and look directly at Diavolo’s eyes to see if his lying or not.

“I didn’t look in to your past, only your connection with Lilith. I believe in Demons, Angel, and Humans can have second chances. If you’re a good person now, as long you learn from your past. I don’t see to bring up old scars”

“Thank you, My lord”

“Please, Call me Diavolo”

“I don’t think Lucifer will like that”

Barbatos

MC is inside Barbatos room, helping him clean, to the surprise of the demon butler seeing that he didn’t help in clean. But he can’t refuse the human.

But then she stops and look at the door she uses in going back in time in the time of the “Incident”

“Barbatos, can you see any path where I stayed in the human world and never came here in the first places”

“I’m afraid, I am forbidden to use my powers like that, why may I ask what makes you think of that?”

“I think, I got the luckiest path. And I’m thankfully for this. I think I’ll be in the side of the road-”

Suddenly Barbatos places a hand on her shoulder, causing her to look at the demon.

“Its better not to think of what could’ve happen and focus on your presents self”

Simeon

“Simeon, am I bad person?” She asks while Simeon is writing a draft of his story.

“No, why do you ask?”

“You’re the closes person to being pure and good, is it good for me to threaten people even though I was just following orders”

Simeon stop writing and put the quill down, and look over to MC.

“Did they threat you?”

“Yes”

“Did you, like doing things like that to other?”

“No!” she quickly sat up to that question.

“Are you willing to do that again?”

“Never!”

“Then you’re a good person.”

Solomon

Solomon and MC are at purgatory hall practicing spells for class, when MC spill the potion on to herself, then she starts taking off her shirt, leaving Solomon blushing and turning his back to give her some privacy.

“MC!?! Warner me next time, before you start striping.”

“Sorry, force of habit”

“What you always spill potion on yourself all the time, back home” she looks with bows rise up.

“Oh… No, every time I get back home from a job, I’m usually covered in blood and I don’t want to leave any evidence behind”

“W-what exactly, are those “Jobs” of yours?”

“I you know shady things, if you can keep secrets about yourself. Then I have secrets of my own” she smiled teasing him.

But to him, its no tease.

Luke

“Luke, little advise from me. Don’t be like Mammon or Me” MC and Luke watches Mammon, Levi and Solomon playing poker in class waiting the bell to ring.

“I know Mammon shouldn’t be followed, but you’re a good person I don’t see why you rope yourself with him.”

“Oh sweetie, I’m just nice to people I care about. I don’t care for others outside my gan- never mind”

“Wha-” then the bell rings, and Mammon rushes and grab MC by arm and dragging her out the classroom.

Leaving Luke confuse and worried.

#obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me solomon #obey me barbatos #obey me diavolo #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me reader x lucifer #obey me reader x mammon #obey me reader x leviathan #obey me reader x satan #obey me reader x asmodeus #obey me reader x beelzebub #obey me reader x belphegor #obey me reader x diavolo #obey me reader x barbatos #obey me reader x simeon #obey me reader x solomon #obey me shall we date #obey me f!mc #obey me swd

[lancermylove]

Troublesome Brothers (HC)

Fandom: Obey Me

Pairing: All x Reader, Luke platonic.

Warning: None

Requested by: Anon

Prompt: Can you do one where a female mc is like exhausted from having to fix all the brothers problems so they're just sleeping for like a week straight. How would the brothers react? And... Maybe the undateables if you can! Thank you 😁😁

A/N: This request is great but poor MC!  I can imagine the game having an event like this. 😂

———————————————

Lucifer

Who do I need to punish!? 

Then a line of questions follows. Who would tire you out to this point? Is Devildom getting to you? Does he need to send you back to your world? What will he tell Diavolo?

Lucifer doesn't know where to start, but then Simeon hints that he and his brothers are the reason behind your fatigue.

He swallows his pride and let's guilt take over. How could he be so careless? He's supposed to be watching over you, yet...

Lucifer calls his brothers for an emergency meeting and explains the situation to them. All the demons feel guilty and decide to write an apology letter to you. 

Once you wake up, Lucifer hands you the letters and asks you to take it easy for the time being.

If any of his brothers dare to fight in front of you, he will glare them down until they shrink into a corner. 

Mammon

OH MY DEVIL, SHE IS DEAD!

Mammon runs around the House of Lamentation crying and calling his brothers while yelling that you're dead. 

All the demons drop everything and rush to your room. Lucifer checks on you while Satan hits Mammon upside the head for scaring them.

Once he learns that you're just sleeping, he calms down a bit but is still worried. 

Mammon waits for you to wake up next to your bed. He doesn't even leave the room to sleep or eat. Beel has to bring him food half-eaten food. 

When you wake up, he greets you with a bone-crushing hug and tears in his eyes. Then he asks if you're okay and what happened. He adds that he was afraid that he lost you.

If you choose to tell him the truth, he will be upset at himself for letting this happen to you. Mammon will promise that he will not cause you any trouble. 

He doesn't tell you this, but Mammon got into a habit of watching you sleep. So sometimes, at night, he sneaks into your room and sleeps there. 

Levi

NO NO NO NO NO!!! This can't be happening! 

Levi starts panicking, then freezes, then starts panicking again. Blood is rushing to his mind, and he feels dizzy. 

Did I do something to hurt her? Did someone else hurt her? Did I keep her up too late? Maybe I shouldn’t have forced her to watch me play video games the entire night! 

Levi sits against your bedframe with his knees to his chest, holding his head in his hands. 

Only when his brothers come to check on you does he learn that you are just sleeping. 

When you wake up, Levi is restlessly pacing around the room. As soon as he sees you awake, he nearly throws his arms around you but then blushes and backs away. 

"Normie, can't you take care of yourself? You had all of us worried."  

No matter how much he pressures you to tell him the reason behind your tiredness, please don’t say a word. Levi will not be able to handle the truth, so spare the poor demon.

Asmo

Oh no! My lovely sweetie is not waking up!

Asmo is truly worried about your health. Your skin will be well-rested, but not washing cleaning your skin will cause issues. 

You will no longer be tired, but your muscles will stiffen. You need to eat to survive, so not eating is going to be an issue. 

Asmo already feels wrinkles appearing on his skin from worrying so much. He asks Solomon for help, much to Lucifer's dismay. 

When you wake up, Asmo immediately apologizes to you and tells you that you need to take better care of yourself. 

"If you don't care for yourself, then you won't be able to care for us!"

Asmo becomes your partner in crime from then on. Whenever his brothers cause issues, he tries to help you, so that you don't take on too much stress. 

Satan

WHY ISN'T SHE WAKING UP? WHOSE NECK DO I NEED TO SNAP!?

His rage gets to him, and Satan nearly wipes out half of Devildom. Thankfully, Lucifer, Beel, and Diavolo are about to stop him. 

While the eldest brother searches for answers, Satan stays in your room and looks at you.

A thought crosses his mind...will a true loves kiss wake her up? Humans and angels are going to school in hell, so it's not a farfetched idea, right?

Wrong.

He kisses you, but you continue to sleep. Satan has never felt this embarrassed in his life. 

"I need to stop reading romantic novels." 

He is thankful that none of his brothers are there to witness this moment; otherwise, they won't let him live it down. 

Satan patiently waits for you to wake up, and when you do, he can't look in the eyes. One thought keeps racing in his mind: what if she finds out I kissed her while she was asleep? 

Beel

When Beel hears that you have not woken up for a whole day, he runs into your room and flings open the door so hard that it rips from the hinges. 

He tries to wake you up by shaking you, hugging you, asking you to wake up, and even offering you your favorite food. 

Beel gets so worried that he binge eats more than usual. He even eats inedible objects. 

When you open your eyes, you see Satan sitting on the edge of your bed. He tells you to hurry and get ready. 

"Beel has been eating so much that all the grocery stores in Devildom are out of food. Now, he is trying...no...I am sure he has already started eating Diavolo's castle. Only you can stop him." 

Belphie

She's not waking up? Great, I have a nap partner!

Belphie takes this chance to nap with you every day. He is worried about you, but what better way to watch over you than sleeping by your side? 

Belphie learns from Beel that the brothers are the reason for your condition. He makes up his mind that he's going to force you to nap with him daily. That way you can at least get some rest, and he can use that as an excuse to spend more alone time with you.

His brothers ask him to leave you alone, but Belphie doesn't listen to them. He doesn't want to miss this chance to snuggle with you. 

When you wake up, you see Belphie's face in front of you. He is fast asleep with his arms wrapped around your waist. 

Diavolo

She hasn't woken up in days? YOU TELL ME THIS NOW?

Diavolo drops everything and visits you. After seeing your exhausted face, he asks Barbatos to cancel all his meetings and appointments. 

The King of Demons carries you back to the castle and asks the best doctors to attend to you. On the side, he also asks Barbatos to look into the situation.

When the demon butler informs him about the reason, Diavolo isn't sure how to react. He is angry, but he doesn't want to point fingers without getting your perspective first. So, he holds back on taking action until you wake up.

When you open your eyes, you see Diavolo's large form cuddling with you. He looks like an angel a puppy while sleeping. 

Diavolo mumbles something in his sleep. Something along the lines of “(Y/N), wake up soon...I love you". 

Barbatos

Oh dear, I was hoping this would not happen.

When you last visited Diavolo's castle, Barbatos noticed that you were exhausted. He even asked if you were alright, but you brushed his concerns aside. 

It didn't take him long to learn the reason behind your fatigue, and the demon butler was unhappy, to say the least. 

After getting permission from Diav, Barbatos shifts you to the castle.  

Once you are settled in the castle, the butler sends the brothers a basket of their favorite foods along with a note saying to take care of themselves. 

The brothers are delighted to eat their favorites, but their excitement diminishes as soon as they put the first bite into their mouths. 

The flavors of the food are completely opposite; Asmo's wicked cupcake is super spicy; Mammon's spicy noodles are sickeningly sweet; Belphie's sushi has nothing but wasabi...

While the brothers are shell-shocked, Barbatos watches them through a window with a smile. 

“This is just the beginning.” He chuckles before heading back to the castle to tend to you.

Simeon

I should have stopped her from pushing herself too hard. 

Immediately comes to see you when Asmo tells him that you haven't woken up in two days. 

You told him that you were tired and hinted that your fatigue was a result of helping the brothers and worrying about them. So why didn't he stop you?

Simeon feels immensely guilty for not catching your hint. 

He asks Lucifer if he can take you to Purgatory Hall. When the demon agrees, Simeon decides to tell Lucifer the truth. 

By no means does Simeon blame the demons, but he asks Lucifer to give you a break. 

When you wake up, you see Simeon sitting on a chair next to your bed. His head resting on your bed, and his hand gently holding onto yours. 

Luke enters the room and is happy to see you awake. He tells you that Simeon hasn't slept in the past few days as the angel was too worried about you. 

Luke

SEE DEMONS ARE BAD! 

Luke is upset with the brothers and blames them for your condition. Simeon has to hold him back. 

The young angel tells the demons that you're much safer in Purgatory Hall, so henceforth, you will be staying with them. 

Luke asks Simeon to carry you back to their dorm. When the brothers protest, the angel says demons are not to be trusted.

When you wake up, you see Luke sitting next to you, watching you with sad puppy eyes.

The angel immediately throws his arms around you and says, you're in a safe place now. He also promises that neither he nor Simeon will cause you any problems.

Luke asks if you are hungry and hands you a plate of your favorite sweets. 

Solomon

Solomon is shocked and considers using a potion to wake you up. But when he sees you resting well, he reconsiders. 

As a punishment for the troubles they caused you, Solomon comes to visit you every day and causes a few mishaps here and there.

He also makes sure to irk some of the brothers Lucifer in the process. 

If Lucifer asks him to leave, Solomon taunts him by saying someone has to care for you since you're too busy sorting out OTHER people's problems. 

When you wake up, your entire room is filled with firefly-like orbs and your favorite flowers. 

Solomon greets you and gently strokes your hair before kissing your head. He immediately asks if you want to consider moving to his dorm. 

———————————————

➣Obey Me Masterlist ➣ Buy me a Ko-fi or Commission?

#obey me #obey me x reader #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me beel #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me belphie #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me solomon #lucifer x reader #mammon x reader #beel x reader #levi x reader #satan x reader #asmo x reader #belphie x reader #diavolo x reader #simeon x reader #barbatos x reader #solomon x reader

[robininthelabyrinth]

Beautifully Spent

aka Five Times Lan Qiren Left The Lan Sect Behind

- Chapter 4 -

Lan Qiren’s lips were bloody from coughing.

Coughing and coughing, choking on blood until it flowed from all seven apertures, and he couldn’t seem to stop no matter how hard he tried.

And he did try – he didn’t dare let anyone see him now.

The injury was a few years old now, and would never leave him, yet most of the time it was under control, manageable. If anyone saw his current state, they might ask what had happened to trigger this current attack.

The original injury had happened when the Wen sect had invaded the Cloud Recesses. Lan Qiren had maintained their shields to the best of his ability, spending life as well as power to keep them back long enough for Lan Xichen to take the sect’s most precious books and escape; when he could hold on no more, he had taken his sword and his guqin both, and tried to fight back as best as he could. He was no fighter, in his view, but his swordsmanship was decent enough and he knew the Lan sect spells of destruction well – though that, too, had exhausted his spiritual energy.

And then there had been Wen Xu.

Wen Xu had broken Lan Wangji’s leg, Lan Qiren remembered, before taking him away to the Nightless City as a hostage. He remembered that, hated him for that; he would have endured any pain a thousand times over rather than let Lan Wangji be hurt. And yet, shamefully, he hated Wen Xu for hurting Lan Wangji at least in part because he didn’t want to think about how Wen Xu had treated him. ‘A teacher for a day, a father for a lifetime’ – Lan Qiren had never taught Wen Xu, but Wen Xu had feelings about his father that he didn’t dare express to the man himself, and it seemed that having any measure of authority was enough to draw his ire.

After, Lan Qiren had saved his own life through his excellent memory and grasp of healing spells, as well as a newly discovered ability to cast them even through such imperfect mediums as broken whistling or barely audible tapping. When his own life had been preserved, he had unwisely thrown himself into using his abilities on those others in his sect that needed it, the ones on the verge of death, stabilizing their spirits even as their doctors raced to heal their bodies. And so, by the time the doctors had finally reached him, there was no helping it; the overreach had crippled him, leaving horrific spiritual wounds that would never fully heal for the rest of his life. Wounds which were aggravated by stress.

The Sunshot Campaign had been – very stressful.

There had been nothing anyone could do about that, of course. His nephews were in danger, his sect in pieces; he had gone from a puppet interim leader, useful only for warming the seat for the next generation, to a leader of displaced refugees, painstakingly rebuilding after disaster. When the war started in earnest, he had even taken on the mantle of general, no matter how poor his fighting skills or his health – his sect needed him, his nephews needed him, and so he would serve.

He had served.

He had fought in battles both actual and political, using his sword and his music and his knowledge of the rules equally as weapons, and now at the end of the war Lan Xichen was sect leader in truth, as he ought to be. Even the sect elders that had so bedeviled Lan Qiren - those that had survived, anyway - were subordinate to his rule, as they should be.

And Lan Wangji…

Lan Wangji had survived the war. They had been happy for a time, they had been rebuilding – and then – and then –

Lan Qiren pressed his hand to his mouth as he coughed, the bitter and metallic taste of blood on his lips. His eyes blurred, and he thought he might be leaking blood from his eyes again, and that only happened in the very worst attacks of disordered qi.

No one must see.

No one must ask why.

In order to avoid anyone seeing him, Lan Qiren turned to make his way off the main path, blindly blundering forward, allowing his legs to go wherever they would, relying on ingrained habit more than actual sense to avoid crashing into something. He wasn’t sure where he ended up collapsing onto hands and knees, choking and gasping for air, desperately trying to calm his disordered mind and disheveled spirit, but no one had raised an alarm to summon a doctor or Lan Xichen, which meant it was good enough.

He didn’t want a doctor.

He didn’t want Lan Xichen, either. If Lan Xichen asked him what the matter was, he would be obligated to respond – do not tell lies. But no, he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t say, not even if he was asked; rather, he would refuse to answer, opting for the punishment for refusal to obey his sect leader rather than reveal the truth. But that in itself would be a sort of answer: Lan Xichen would try to figure out what had caused the fit, and probably would, and then they would know.

They would all know.

“Shufu?”

Lan Qiren trembled and turned his face away as if that would help. He could scarcely hear, see only in vague blurs. Coughs wracked his body, the fault of his own stupid and uncontrollable emotions that caused his qi to become unstable and his mind to be too unsettled to play himself calming music to control it –

“No doctor,” he rasped, reaching out for Lan Xichen’s hands, for it must be Lan Xichen that had come to him. Lan Xichen respected him, he could ask him to help hide away – perhaps he could ask him to trust him, to not ask any questions. His nephew, turned headstrong in the war, might not listen, but he could always ask…

The hands that took his own were callused in familiar ways, the marks of the sword and the guqin alike; it was the signifying marks of any member of the Lan sect. But it was also familiar in other ways, too, and Lan Qiren sighed in relief, recognizing the little details – the tiny circular scar on the thumb that came from an adventurous cooking accident at age five, the slightly protruding knuckles that the diviners said suggested stubbornness, the absence of calluses unique to playing the xiao.

“Wangji,” he murmured. “Wangji, why are you here? You’re not well…”

Lan Wangji was supposed to be in seclusion.

No, that was a lie, and do not tell lies. Lan Wangji was supposed to be lying in bed, healing from the horrible injury they’d inflicted on him. Thirty-three strikes with the discipline whip, scarring him for life…it had been the lightest punishment Lan Qiren could devise that would satisfy his sect and the demands of justice and yet salvage Lan Wangji’s reputation, allowing him to go free in the future. It was the greatest kindness Lan Qiren could orchestrate given what Lan Wangji had done: he had attacked his own sect elders, violently defending a murderer even as the man wrought havoc and brought death to his own kin. He had gone even further than what his father had done, and the sect had been livid.

A punishment was necessary, and only the form was the question.

Lan Qiren had himself devised the punishment that had nearly crippled his nephew, knowing that pain and loneliness were things could be borne and healed in time, knowing that isolation could not be. He remembered He Kexin’s imprisonment, the way she looked into the future and saw nothing but more of the same, and he knew, too, that a bad reputation could be as imprisoning as the walls of a prison.

He had tried to pick the right punishment. He had tried to salvage the most important parts of Lan Wangji’s soul, his life, his future. Had he done enough?

Lan Wangji had accepted the imposition of discipline, at least; he had even demanded it, when Lan Xichen tried to find additional ways to mitigate it further. And then, when it was done, he had refused to speak to either Lan Xichen or Lan Qiren since, even though they came regularly to his side to play healing music and supervise the doctors as they cared for him.

It had by now been nearly two years, and he still did not speak to them. The last words he had said to them were an exhortation to care for the war orphan he had adopted –

Lan Qiren spat black blood onto the ground.

“Shufu!”

When Lan Qiren next opened his eyes, his head still spinning a little, he was lying on the bed in the Gentian House. He recognized it, of course, and not just from its time as He Kexin’s prison. Lan Wangji had stubbornly picked it as the place in which he would enter seclusion – it was far enough out of the way to be an acceptable suggestion. Lan Qiren nearly laughed as he realized how he must have gotten there, why Lan Wangji was able to be the one to find him: his body still remembering to walk the path to visit He Kexin even though he had not gone even once since her death.

He stopped himself from laughing only because he knew that any laughter would be tinged with unhealthy hysteria.

Beside his bed, Lan Wangji was sitting in the place that Lan Qiren usually sat, pale-faced and tired, playing back to Lan Qiren the same songs of healing that they played for him – mostly Lan Qiren, really, since Lan Xichen’s duties kept him very busy, and moreover the sight of Lan Wangji, injured as he was, caused Lan Xichen great distress.

Lan Xichen preferred to distance himself from the things that caused him distress, and Lan Qiren could scarcely blame him, even if he himself was now counted among their number. He was a reminder of what they had joined hands to do to Lan Wangji. If Lan Qiren could turn away from his own face in the mirror, he would do so, so how could he blame Lan Xichen for a bit of coldness, a bit of distance?

If it made Lan Xichen feel better, Lan Qiren would take all the blame for everything, but he even couldn’t do that properly.

“You shouldn’t strain yourself,” he said to Lan Wangji, whose fingers stilled on the guqin. “Do not be reckless with your qi or spend your spiritual energy carelessly. It will injure you further, and your health is paramount –”

“Shufu,” Lan Wangji said, and his voice was hoarse for lack of use. “Your health is important, too.”

Lan Qiren shook his head in negation. “Wangji, one day your wounds will heal and you will leave this place,” he said, and it was suddenly urgent for Lan Wangji to understand. “You are angry with us now, I know, whether for inflicting the punishment on you or for standing against your love, but it was the only way to keep others from knowing – if your reputation is clean and your health good, you will be able to go anywhere you like, as often as you like. You won’t have to stay…”

As I did, he thought but did not say. He was accustomed to biting his tongue about things like that – he was accustomed by now not even to think it. It was only the agony that had brought it back to him, for a little while.

“Shufu,” Lan Wangji said, and his voice shook. Lan Qiren regretted nothing more in his life than causing his nephews pain, and yet he had had a hand in so much of it. “Shufu, what happened? Why are you like this?”

“Wen Xu –”

“Not generally. Today. Why would you not see a doctor?”

Lan Qiren faltered.

“Shufu?”

Lan Wangji should know, Lan Qiren thought. “I was concerned,” he admitted.

Lan Wangji frowned.

There was no kind way to put it. “Sizhui’s original surname was Wen.”

Lan Wangji stiffened.

He knew, then. Of course he knew.

“No one else knows,” Lan Qiren assured him. “The fever erased most of his memories, and he is very young. No one has any reason to suspect he is anything more than the nameless war-orphan you presented him as, and I will not tell anyone, not even if they ask; I would evade it, and take punishment rather than answer if they ask directly. And yet it is so dangerous – there are so many cultivators, here and elsewhere, that swore blood feud against the Wen for what they did, vowing to eliminate them root and branch until none of them were left…”

“Not you?”

“Oaths must be taken seriously,” Lan Qiren said. “After seeing what an oath of vengeance did to Nie Mingjue, however well meant it had been at the start, how could I ever swear any oath that involved killing?”

Lan Wangji nodded slowly. “How did you learn of it?”

“He forgot most of his memories, but not all – he said some things that made me think of it, and I remember, as few others do, what Wen Xu looked like, when he was young. When you think about it, there are many hints, whether in terms of timing or the known existence of a child at the Burial Mounds; that he has not yet been discovered has been largely through the beneficence of fate.”

Fate, and the fact that Lan Wangji had been in seclusion, although Lan Qiren was loathe to mention it.

Up until now, Lan Qiren had been the one largely in charge of raising little Lan Sizhui, a temporary measure while Lan Wangji healed. As a result, people generally assumed that he had been the one to adopt him – no one would expect him to take up the Yiling Patriarch’s bastard Wen child, as the people traveling through Yiling had once called him. But when Lan Wangji came out and took charge of him once more, Lan Qiren wasn’t so sure that the pretense would last; his sect, at least, knew how Lan Wangji felt about Wei Wuxian, and they might put together the truth just as he had done…

Lan Qiren could not guarantee that the Lan sect would be a safe place for Lan Sizhui. He could do his best, and would; he could keep the secret, he could try to muddy the waters and hide the facts, but if it ever got out…

It would only need one person to be blinded by anger and hate and the trauma of war. Only one person to raise their hand, and raise their voice, and then everything would fall to pieces. And yet, knowledge was an inexorable river, pressing against a dam – it could not be stopped, only averted…

“My health is poor,” Lan Qiren said, a terrible idea presenting itself to him in one moment and appearing the only possible answer in the next. “Perhaps I should go seek somewhere that would improve it.”

Lan Wangji looked at him, puzzled.

Lan Qiren met his eyes. “Your brother does not speak to me much these days,” he admitted, and ignored the flash of pain and anger in Lan Wangji’s eyes. Even if Lan Wangji disapproved, Lan Qiren did not blame Lan Xichen for it, even if it disappointed him; he understood the emotions behind his eldest nephew’s retreat all too well. “He would consent if I sought a retreat to some more restful place – and I think he would allow me an escort.”

Understanding lit Lan Wangji’s eyes. “Myself and Sizhui?”

“At least until the boy is old enough to know what to say and what not to say,” Lan Qiren confirmed, though in all honesty he wasn’t sure how long that would take, or if Lan Wangji, once released, would ever willingly come back.

“But – shufu – your teaching –”

“Who am I teaching now? There was no time for classes during the Sunshot Campaign, and we are still rebuilding; there are no classes to be held now. Other than helping your brother, who scarcely needs it, I have nothing else to do – and anyway my health really is as bad as all that. It may do well for you to get some experience in the world.”

To know what it was like to be free, Lan Qiren meant. Lan Wangji was still weak, but the worst of the discipline whip had faded into scars. It would be possible for him to go.

Lan Wangji considered for a little while.

“Yes,” he said eventually, and then suddenly smiled, which Lan Qiren had not seen him do in years and years, long ago, before the whip, before the Sunshot Campaign and the burning of the Cloud Recesses, back in the days before his too-serious adolescence… “Shufu can play the guqin as we go.”

Lan Qiren felt his ears heat up at the reminder of his old dream. “Wangji, really! I’m too old and respectable to take up as a traveling musician.”

“Not at all,” Lan Wangji said, looking pleased with himself. “Perhaps we will stay in inns instead of stables and play music to your former students rather than to strangers, but it will be good.”

Perhaps so. That was the longest sentence he had heard Lan Wangji utter in ages – perhaps it would be good for him to go, too, rather than just being for Lan Sizhui’s sake.

“I will raise it with Xichen,” Lan Qiren said, but Lan Wangji shook his head and pressed him back down.

“I will talk to Brother myself,” he said firmly. “You rest.”

Lan Qiren watched him go.

Perhaps it would work out after all, he thought, and closed his eyes. Perhaps…

#mdzs #lan qiren #lan wangji #my fic #my fics #beautifully spent

[cheekygreenty]

In My Head - The Darkling x Reader

Supppeer angsty and kinda sad?

The fire engulfed the golden kefta in a water-like rhythm. The cracks and sparks echoed in the open field amongst the silence that settled around all of you. Alina was exhausted, Zoya was grieving, the Ketterdam criminals looked shaken too. But you were unmoving, as still as a painting and not showing a single emotion. They had all witnessed your heartbreak as it fell and crashed the world around you, breaking every part of you. They watched as realization flooded you that you never truly knew Aleksander. They watched as he tore your heart from your chest and threw it into the depths of the Fold to rot.

Painted a picture,

I thought I knew you well

It was humiliating. Alina had tried to warn you but you played her off as selfish and unwilling to use her powers for the good of all Grisha. You told her she was stupid and foolish for loving an otkazat'sya when in reality you were the fool for loving a man that didn't exist.

You told her she was crazy, that Aleksander would never lie to you and that he was good because you knew him. In truth, you were no better than him. You blindly followed everything he said, completely ignoring the alarm bells in your head. You had grown used to them as weeks went by, to the point of the alarm playing a low comforting tune in your mind all day and all night.

There weren't enough apologies in the world to say sorry for the things you'd done and said to Alina and she'd insisted that no apology was necessary because it wasn't your fault, 'It's not your fault you only see the good things about people' she whispered to you before she left to change. But the good things about him weren't there; they never existed. It was all in your head, a mind so desperate for love it concocted a whole new Aleksander, one which you loved so much and would do anything for.

I got a habit of seeing what isn't there

'We were all fooled Y/N, Don't blame it all on yourself' Despite her grieving and sorrow, Zoya's hand rested on your shoulder briefly as a sign of comfort. Without her, you wouldn't have been here right now, alive and breathing.

'I don't blame myself. I hate myself for being so blind'

'Me too'

I thought that you were the one

But it was all in my head

------

You could feel the nothingness of the Fold threading through your hair even inside Alina's tunnel of safety. You stared at her shackled feet, pushing the guilt away and replacing it with a sense of righteousness. There was nothing else that could be done to keep her in check, if she wanted to escape and hide from her destiny forever then she would do so over your dead body.

The Fold needed to be gone and if chaining her to the skiff was going to be the only way she obeyed then so be it. Your mind quickly spiraled back to her hasty words back in the tent. She was panicked and desperate, clinging to your arm like a wailing child begging to be heard. Her lies were bizarre and abundant, no doubt the works from her long journey to the Stag but they were unbelievable. So extreme even a Fjerdan would laugh at their ridiculousness.

The skiff suddenly stopped, Novokribirsk visible in the distance with lines of First-Army troops standing in neat lines.

'Why have we stopped?' A dignitary asked and you wondered the same thing. You searched the skiff for anyone with an explanation, but everyone looked equally as confused but Alina looked mortified. What is going on?

'One more demonstration. You’ve seen what the Sun Summoner can do' You whipped your head around to him slightly moving away but his arm pulled you back to his side with an edge. You heard the loud jangle of Alina's chains as she tried to move. 'Now bear witness to what I can do… with her power.'

He pushed you to Ivan, who took no time in holding you back by the arms, caging you in his grasp. You resisted on the simple basis that you didn't know why you were being restrained just like Alina but the answer came all too soon. There was no time to shout or gasp as Aleksander raised his own hands and the black shadows of the Fold expanded into Novokribirsk, killing everything in its path.

You stood motionless as the horrible sounds of volcra swarming and humans screaming flooded the air. Alina's words came back to you again but you didn't listen. No, you didn't want to. Zoya seemingly came down from the mainsail and looked at the black void in a hypnosis-like stare but nobody dared say anything. There was a silence on the skiff while hundreds and thousands of lives ceased to exist in a matter of seconds.

The comforting tune in your head had suddenly turned into a blinding screech, rendering you frozen and flabbergasted. He did this, Aleksander did this. How could he do this? You tried to fight the heartrenderer off, squirming desperately in his arms to cover your ears from the slaughtering sounds. Your knees had given out by now and Alina was on the floor of the skiff, struggling to get up due to the heavy and awkward chains. I put them there.

'Today, we redraw all the maps. With the power of the Sun Summoner at my command, I control the Fold.' A sob erupted from your throat right at the minute you realized Alina was right. You didn't listen, this is all my fault. Ivan pulled you back up, roughly smacking a hand over your mouth to stop your pathetic cried of betrayal. You fought a little harder, trashing around in hopes of escaping his hold or at least getting someone's attention but nobody seemed to care. They all feared for their lives.

'All countries will answer to us. For who would oppose us now?' He briefly shot a look in your direction but spared you no emotion. It was then that you saw the real Aleksander, blood-thirsty for power and revenge. The Black Heretic.

Everything you are made you

Everything you aren't

The next five minutes were a complete blur. You somehow found yourself fighting for your life and those around you. Your head was empty of its usual whirling thoughts as survival mode kicked in. Kill or be killed. You stopped counting how many hits you got or how many bruises were forming on your body. It was primal and in your Grisha nature to protect those around you, and in that haste of battle you made your allegiance to Alina obvious.

There was no time to think about Aleksander. You weren't quite sure you wanted to think about him. He was on this skiff with you, on the opposing side that just murdered a town full of people yet the part of your brain, your imagination, craved to be by his side. To please him by obeying, to get his touch in return. You were addicted to the man who had ruined your innocence.

'You betrayed me' His voice was right behind you as was his hand, creeping up the side of your throat and forcefully pushing you against the barrier of the skiff, ready to throw you over to the unlit Fold.

'I betrayed you?!' Your shout was loud and hearty, overflowing with sadness and shame at being relieved for being next to him again. You clawed at his tightening hand, feeling your airways restrict and your vision become fainter and fainter. You would die at the hands of the man you loved.

'Look what you made me do Y/N, do you think I want to kill you?' Your head bopped but your stupid heart grasped at the sadness in his words, he still loves me. 'I don't want to. I really don't'

'Then don't' you chocked out, your hold on his wrists becoming limp. You felt the ever-so familiar touch of his lips grace your temple and then he retreated.

The world went dark but your body hit the deck of the skiff, not the soft sands of the Fold and your lungs abruptly filled with forced Squaller air.

Yes, I did it to myself, yeah

Thought you were somebody else

'What are you going to do now?' You still sat by the fire while everyone stood. Zoya had left your side and was talking with Alina but you filtered out the noise. Your head was too full of your own self-hatred to stand any more voices so Jesper's question to you went unnoticed. 'Y/N?'

You looked at him and shrugged. You didn't want to move, your body still ached too much from being dragged away from the brink of death to make your way somewhere safe.

You would never admit it around anyone, but as Alina spoke of the Darkling being dead, a wave of grief washed over you. It was cold and unpleasant; unwelcome. But you knew love didn't disappear overnight. You didn't know who saved you on the skiff, whether it was he who had let you go, or was it Zoya who battled to have you freed from his grasp.

As much as you had created the Aleksander you viewed, the foundations were all him, you had only added on or omitted the parts you did and didn't like. You prayed it was him who spared you, you prayed there was something real about your Aleksander, that that was a foundation.

The tears that fell down your face in a stream were assumed to be for the betrayal and the horridness of what the Darkling had done to you and others, when if fact they were for him. You cried because you would never see him again, you cried because the people who had helped you get out of the Fold were the same people who had killed him.

-------

When Mal caught your deathly stare in his direction, he had to do a double-take. You had the same look in your eyes as the General did when he fought him in the Fold, that exact replica of coldness and rage; revenge. But surely he was wrong. You were happy to know the Heretic was dead. He betrayed you the most out of everyone here and almost killed you. Why would you be vengeful?

He waved it off with a shake, it's all in my head.

------

Masterlist

Taglist (Tell me if you want to be added!)

@aleksanderwh0r3 @theonelittleone @searching-for-gallifrey @lostysworld @0-artemis @exo-1204 @staradorned @bookfrog242 @simp-for-ben-barners @keepdaydreamingbb @acciorudolphx @pansysgirlfriend @justmesadgirl @rosiethefairy @partiesandblurrypolaroids @ashwarren32 @s1xthirty @toujurespure @misselsbells06

#shadow and bone #the darkling #imagine #the darkling x reader #ben barnes #grisha #alexander #alexander morozova #alina starkov #fanfic #general kirigan x reader #general kirigan #kefta #series #shadow summoner #black general #aleksander morozova x reader #little palace #one shot #keftas

[angelkurenai]

Better to speak or to die? - Sebastian Stan x Reader

Title: Better to speak or to die?

Pairing: Seastian Stan x Reader

Warnings: None

Summary: Loving Sebastian gave you the chance to understand what it is like to meet your soulmate while he realised what it is like to know he could never love another woman because his heart would always belong to you. If only he could give you more than that though, instead of have to congratulate you on the night of your engagement to another man. A business deal made between your father and his ties you to a loveless marriage with someone else, something which you are willing to accept only for Sebastian’s safety to be ensured. Not that he is willing to accept it too.

“So, does he speak?”

The voice was soft and low, light as much as it could be given he hour and the event itself but laced with such pain and such grief that one would begin to wonder what kind of great loss the man had suffered. You only wished you could wonder, though, because knowing was only a curse able enough to compete with your guilt for being the reason behind that grief.

People inside were still laughing, and smiling and talking, some were dancing to the music that still seemed to carry through the night to you, much as you had tried to isolate yourself from all of it. Staring into the stillness and darkness of the night you had almost managed it, almost been successful. Key word: Almost. There was no succeeding in that, there was no winning the fight against your thoughts - the war against your feelings about the man. And just like the music, his presence that was carried towards you even in the silence of the night, reminded you of the bitterly happy scene unfolding inside. Everyone was almost intoxicatingly happy and cheerful and yet nothing and nobody could get you drunk in it, could wash away the bitterness in your mouth or could take away the stinging in your eyes from the unshed tears.

“Pardon?” you asked, feeling like it took you a good couple seconds to reply. If he noticed he didn't comment. And if he noticed the attempt to take in a steady breath and failing miserably he didn't let his feelings for it show either. You were grateful.

“The uh knight.” he took another step closer when he noticed that you hadn't moved from your place, either your muscles refused to obey you or your body and mind had a better sense of self-preservation than you thought, you didn't know. Who knew how you'd react to seeing that pain on his face from up close? Who knew how you'd react to the close proximity in the first place?

He must have had that in mind because just when he was about to get even closer, he stopped himself. But it still was close, it still was so close you could just reach out and touch him if you wanted to and oh did you want to. Every cell in your body wanted it. Deep down you almost believed – you wanted to believe, no matter how wrong that was – that he knew that and stood at arms distance in hoped of you reaching out.

“I'm-” you blinked several times “I'm sorry. I don't understand what you're talking about. I- I feel like my head is... a bit in the clouds these days. Not with happiness though I can't seem to be able to focus.”

He hummed, nodding his head “It's alright. I was just-” he looked ahead of him at the vast green garden splayed in front of you “I suppose I got too carried away by my own thoughts.”

“How so?” you couldn't help but asked, encouraged by the small smile that lifted at the corner of his lips.

“That story you read to me, about the knight and the princess. The one where he doesn't know if he should confess his love to her or not.” and then it fell and you hated yourself more, if possible “We were in a place very similar to this, we were very much like this, when you first mentioned it to me. I couldn't help but... remember it. I suppose, it's all a losing battle. Against my thoughts, against my memories, against-”

My feelings for you. My heart. My own self. My pain.

There were so many words that could fill in that sentence and each one of them hurt more than the other one. You didn't want him to continue, that much you knew.

“Yes” you nodded your head as well, eyes focusing for a couple on the glass of champagne in your hands “How could I possibly ever forget? I remember everything about you, aout us.”

You hadn't meant for that to come out loud but it seemed that he appreciated it because it put a smile on his lips, albeit sad, as his blue eyes found you again. If only he didn't look so dashing in that suit, if only he didn't look like he could easily not be just another guest to the part but rather the host- And then you remembered that he was not and could never be, not when it was another man's place to.

He nodded his head, holding your gaze for a couple more second before whispering “Is it better to speak or to die?” he quoted the line and yet you felt like he wasn't speaking about the book “So... does he speak?”

“I don't know... Does he?” you asked in return, your eyes filling with tears that you had been so carefully trying to fight ever since you saw him during the beginning of the party.

He held your gaze, longer each time he would and certainly far longer than appropriate, before he gave you again a half sad smile and tore his eyes from you “I was hoping you'd know.” he said before his eyes cast down, a frown set on his face “Should he?”

The whisper and the way his voice cracked felt so much worse than all the pained looks you'd seen in his eyes during all of this. It hurt worse, in a way that no words could describe. It was almost as if he was pleading for you to tell him how to act, how to speak and behave, how to... end his pain, how to put an end to his torment when it was obvious you weren't going to end it for him. It wasn't that you didn't want to, if only, you actually couldn't.

“Should she?” your voice was barely above a whisper, you wouldn't blame him if he didn't hear you and truth be told you didn't know if you wanted him to have heard you.

Should you really do something to put an end to his pain? There was only one way, one you could think of, but that was not possible. Not after tonight for sure.

“Time will tell then? We'll see.” he sighed in the end, after a couple seconds of silence. He took a sip of his drink, his eyes focusing on the glass before he smiled but you couldn't face the hollow and pained smile again, not after all these times so you looked away, until he spoke again.

“I suppose congratulations are in order, right?”

Your head snapped in his direction and any attempt, no matter how poor, at seeming calm and at peace, happy even, faded right away. Your eyes locked with his as you held your breath.

“Sebastian-” you started, but the lump in your throat prevented you from speaking.

“I mean-” a bitter laugh “I haven't gotten to tell you so yet, have I? It's-” he cleared his throat “Congratulations, on the engagement. He's- he's a good man, honest and trustworthy. Kind and very loving to his family, he'd do anything for them and also you now. You don't have to worry about a single thing, he'll make you happy. You're lucky. With a husband like him you'll-”

A scoff of a laugh that broke free from your lips cut him off, your watery eyes managing to wipe even the small fake smile he had on “You're kidding me, right?”

“I-” he started but you shook your head furiously with pursed lips and glossy eyes.

“What are you doing, Sebastian? Why are you doing this?” you asked again, your voice cracking “You know very well that this is not a marriage I wanted. None of this is what I wanted, not with him. Yes, he is a good man. Yes, he is honest, the most honest of all of my father's business partner's sons I've ever met. He is the only one that will do something good out of this arrangement, out of this business deal. He won't take my family's money to spend it in deals about trafficking or weapons or who knows what else. And that is the only reason why I've accepted this. Yes-” you hissed “Yes, he is a good man that could make me happy, if only I had it in me to feel that. If only I had it in me to love him, because I know how much I've tried already and failed every time. I know I can't. He was a better choice, but that doesn't mean he's my choice. None of this is my choice, Sebastian. There is nothing normal about this and nothing that is worth of congratulating. If you want to say something, then wish me good luck surviving the rest of my life. Because I've long ago stopped living since this deal was made and there is no happiness for me in the horizon.”

You let out a shaky breath, choking luckily only when you were done rambling. You closed your eyes, praying that your tears would stay away as they were supposed to. Closing your hand into a fist, you also prayed that the shaking would stop before he noticed.

“You-” you opened your eyes, sniffling despite the smile on your lips; it was sad and it hurt “You've ruined every man for me from now on. Who would have thought?”

“If it's of any importance to you... you've done the same so... we're on the same situation.”

Despite your better judgment, you couldn't help but let out a bitter laugh. Looking up at the moon, you let out a sigh “What has my life come to? What is this fucking mess...?”

“A mess? Is that what it is to you?” Sebastian raised an eyebrow, and you noticed the pain in his voice.

“Sebastian, it's my own engagement party and I'm- here and I'm- Look at me. I'm-” you looked away for a second as you spoke in a weak whisper of a confession “Barely able to hold myself back from falling into your arms. You- all you have to do is ask it and I'd be yours and I-” you paused, looking back at him “That can't happen. That's why this is a mess. Not you, not us, but me.”

He spent a couple seconds breathing in and out, as if trying to calm himself, to get his heart rate under control “You know-” he spoke up softly “Maybe I should have told you earlier, as in earlier when we were still-” he cleared his throat, stopping abruptly “Yeah. Maybe. I mean, I always was at a loss for words with you but- You look great in white and you are stunning tonight. I can only imagine... You'll make a wonderful bride, I know that. Especially if you are truly happy.”

“Come on-” you laughed bitterly again “We both know I won't be able to do any of that, Seb.”

“I didn't mean-” you took a sharp breath in when you felt his fingers on your cheek, not having realized as you kept your eyes away that he had gotten so close “During your wedding with... him. I meant during a wedding you'd ave chosen with a man you love and a man who can make you truly happy.”

“And you're saying you would?” you whispered, not having the strength to beat around the bush anymore. It would only cause more pain, there was no use when it was just the two of you.

“I could try. I would want... I want nothing more than to be able to try.”

“I know.” you choked out, nuzzling your face in his palm “Gosh, I know so well, Sebastian. And I wish, if only, there was a way, another world even another lifetime where we could-” the lump in your throat stopped you from speaking.

“There is only one world, this one, but we all create worlds of our own based on the choices we make. If we chose to be... like this, together, if we want to then we can fight for it and-” he paused when he noticed the way you were frowning. It wasn't only guilt to have to let down the other man inside now, him having been too good to you already, it was also fear and doubt that it could ever happen “We could run away. Together. Have us a life together, away from all this.”

“Don't.” you choked out,taking a painful step back “Don't do this to me.”

“You know I want you.” he continued anyway “You know I never stopped wanting you. Never stopped loving you. If you just- Please just give me a chance.” and then he asked it, he really did, and you tried to will all of your strength to keep yourself from crumbling down. Or worse, from giving in.

You willed yourself to believe he was not really asking.

“This is not fair, Sebastian, you know this is not.” you forced out.

“Why not? It's not fair for me to watch you marry another man you don't love, either. It's not just for you. You know you don't and won't even try to deny it, for the sake of a business deal made between your fathers. For the sake of-”

“Your safety? Yes I would.” you said more determined “Sebastian, I'd give my life for you, sacrificing my freedom and happiness for your life is the least I can do now. You know what my father would do to you if he found out? Do you have any idea?”

“It doesn't all have to be so grim. It doesn't have to-”

“It has to.” you cut him off firmly yet softly “We both know it. We have to... let go, of the past of what was and what could have been. It was- I will always cherish the memories but please, just please, don't do this to me. If you still somehow, if there is some part of you, that still loves me the you won't keep going. You'll let me do this. It really is not fair otherwise.”

“Why?” he finally asked, lips pursing as his fight against tears was becoming harder with each passing second.

“Because you're the only one that could end it all, right here and now. With just one word, you could have me if you only asked. Really asked. I'd leave it all behind for you and...” you took in a shaky breath when he took a step closer to you “That's the most selfish thing I could do. Please, don't make me act so selfishly. Please.” you nearly begged.

You nearly begged because the look in his eyes told you a different story. Those eyes of a man madly in love with you for the first time didn't calm you down, they scared you. And the fear you felt about his own safety only seemed to increase when you realized there was no concern for himself there.

“Tell me goodbye.” you spoke up, fast before he could say anything you'd regret “Tell me goodbye, leave tonight and- and never come to see me again, Seb. Let me never face you again. Make this easy, please. Even a little bit, I need that from you.”

“You know I'd give you the world if I could. I always wanted to, I still do.” he whispered and yet his words, as much as they could be considered comforting, put a feeling of dread within you “But this time I won't.”

He pulled away, taking several steps back “I'd better leave you alone to enjoy your drink. I'll see you around, (Y/n), I promise this is not the last of it... of us.” and you hated yourself because this meant the torture would keep going for the both of you but you wanted it to with every fiber in your body; you selfishly wanted him to keep fighting in case one day you could win together “Give my congratulations to your fiance too.”

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