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lassieposting · 6 months

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Been thinking a lot lately about romanced Astarion post-spawn ending.

Because like. The Funnest™ thing about cptsd is how much of it gets delayed. When you're trapped in a lengthy, ongoing traumatic situation, you do not have the ability to process and start healing your mental wounds. Your brain and body go into survival mode, and all that matters in the moment is that you somehow cope with the horrors. He wouldn't have been able to even begin dealing with the physical, mental and emotional toll of two hundred years of torture, brutalization and dehumanization while he was under Cazador's control; he is in constant danger, surrounded by sharks in the water, and survival means not letting them smell blood. He can't afford to fall apart, to show weakness. He is shockingly functional and competent in-game, partly because he has to be to work as a game character, but also partly because...it do be like that, to some degree. When death, for whatever reason, is not an option, you just have to shut down and keep going. People adapt in order to survive, and when we learn that showing an "injury" (physical or psychological) only gets us punished, we learn to hide it.

Early-game Astarion is terrified - of Cazador, of Godey, of being hunted down by his siblings, of being staked or sold off at the first opportunity by Tav and the other companions, of turning into a mindflayer, of another painful transformation, of losing himself when he's only just regained his autonomy after two centuries, of what Cazador will do to him if he ever finds him - the man is overwhelmed by fear. He's on thin ice as a vampire, and he's not going to give them any more reason to want him gone. Survival instinct is still in control, and in this new situation, crafting some fragile safety for himself means not only selling his body for protection, but also being useful. Clear-headed. Good in a fight.

Endgame Astarion finds himself in a completely different situation. The time-sensitive overarching threats - Cazador and impending ceremorphosis - have been dealt with. He has a loving, supportive partner he's really starting to feel safe with - Tav/Durge has proved that they're on his side, that their affection is genuine, that they don't just want him for the one thing he's been told he's good for. They've told him they're going to help him find a workaround for his sun allergy. He's getting fed regularly. He has time to stop, and breathe, and just. Recuperate.

For the first time in 200 years, he is safe.

And it will probably take a while to catch up, during which time he will seem to be coping really well, but at some point, his brain is going to realise that he's safe, and it's going to finally start processing the sheer fucking horror he's been through. Since I haven't seen anyone talking about this particular fun aspect of cptsd, allow me to offer u some thoughts on issues Astarion and Tav might end up dealing with in the months/years postgame, during the

✨ Delayed Trauma Response ✨

Memory Gaps: Astarion realising, as he opens up to Tav, that there are entire years or decades of his life from which he has only a handful of memories. Great big blank stretches where he has no idea where he was, who he was with, what was happening to him. Some of the gaps cover years at a time where he was so dissociated and shut down that he just didn't retain any memories of what was going on around him. Some are shorter periods of particularly horrific torture that his brain has deliberately blocked out to protect him.

Recovered Memories: At some point, years into the future when he's done A Lot of healing, he might find that every now and then, a fragment of those lost memories will unexpectedly come back to him. He'll catch a particular scent on the breeze, or overhear a specific phrase in the street, or cross paths with someone whose face is oddly familiar, and he'll get a glimpse of an acute horror he'd filed neatly away where it couldn't hurt him anymore. He very rarely remembers all the context to those flashes of his past. He might recall that he was punished, but not what he was punished for, or he might remember words spoken by a greedy conquest, but be unable to recall the man's face.

Dissociation: Tav knows going into this relationship that Astarion has basically made an art out of dissociating during sex. They also know, from their shared encounter with the drow twins, that he's not great at enforcing his own boundaries - he'll always say he'll speak up and back out if he stops having fun, but in practice he rarely does; he's not used to having the option of saying no to his partner, and being punished if he tries. So they know there's going to be some practice and experimentation and negotiation necessary there, to figure out the rough limits of his comfort zone. But once he starts really processing, there may be days where he just checks out completely. Tav will touch his shoulder, and he'll startle and apologise - "Terribly sorry, darling, I was miles away for a moment there." And Tav will gently point out that he's been sat in the same spot vacantly staring into the middle distance for hours. They've been checking in on him occasionally and this is the first time he's responded. It's unsettling, to say the least.

Lost Time: Astarion was very young when he was turned, physically mature but emotionally juvenile. He was basically an overgrown teenager, in the phase of life where elves are just starting to learn who they are and what they want, and figure out their place in the world. But he never got to do that, because he spent his formative young adult years in a world where everyone became an abuser, where his only means of surviving was to smile and charm and obey while even his basic human dignity was stripped away. He learned that communication is based on manipulation. He learned that the powerful can do whatever they like to the weak. He learned an incredibly toxic, abusive way of life, and that was his family dynamic, his everyday life, for as long as he can remember. Now that he's free and safe, he's realising that the world doesn't actually work that way and that he's now far behind even shorter-lived races in social/emotional development. He's grieving for the person he could've been. He's grieving for the life he could've lived. He's grieving for all the years he already lost, and the ones he'll lose in the future as he flounders to catch up. A decent chunk of his life was stolen from him, and that's time he will never get back.

Flashbacks & Night Terrors: Specifically the kind where your brain convinces you that an injury you had a long time ago is actually an injury you have (or are receiving) right now. There are nights where he'll wake Tav in a panic, because his back feels like it's on fire, he can feel every freshly-carved wound dripping blood and he's in so much pain he doesn't know what else to do. If Tav looks, they see nothing out of the ordinary - old, long-healed scars, same as always. But the pain and the fear and the distress are all very real to him, and all they can do is try to comfort him, cover his back with cool damp cloths or healing salves, remind him he's safe now and they're not leaving him.

Boundary Shifting: Sometimes, Tav can come up and hug him from behind, and he'll melt into them a little bit and go all soft and happy. Other times, he might flinch away or go rigid at the same gesture. A lot of the time, it really depends on how he's feeling on the day, but at least a little bit of it is deliberate - he's pushing to find the limit of just how much autonomy Tav is willing to give him. He wants to know at what point they'll stop respecting his "no". Will they accept it if he doesn't want a hug? If he wants to sleep in his own room tonight? At what point will understanding turn to anger at being rejected? From the drow twins four/fivesome, we also know he's got a tendency to push his own boundaries, and jump into things he's actually not ready for, and Tav would be the one holding his hand through the fallout as he tries to figure out what his own boundaries even are.

Frustration! So, so much frustration. He wants to be Over It already. He wants to move past everything that ever happened to him and never think about it again. He hates that Cazador still has a grip on him, even in death - he doesn't want to give the bastard the satisfaction of dwelling on all his punishments, his cruelties. Sometimes, that frustration is going to explode outwards at Tav - he'll get angry at them for coddling him, or find something small to start a fight over, or he'll set an unreasonable boundary and try to defend it because he's still learning what healthy boundaries look like. Sometimes, it will implode inwards, and that won't be about Tav at all, but they'll get the brunt of it all the same - it might come out as self-loathing or self-punishment, and he'll react by doing something stupid, like trying to drive them away, because having a secure, relatively healthy relationship is terrifying and the instinct is to destroy it before Tav can. There will be yelling and angry tears and deeply unhealthy coping mechanisms, and they'd have to work through that. Trauma is ugly, and Astarion is right at the beginning of a very long journey towards healing.

Abandonment Issues: Astarion wants the relationship to be one between equals, but he's kind of got Tav on a pedestal all the same. They saved him. They helped him get rid of Cazador for good. They chose him and love him despite a wealth of better (in his eyes) options, and all his baggage. They stayed with him even when he has very little to offer them. We know his vanity and obnoxious self-absorption is a fragile attempt to obscure the fact that his self-esteem is in the dirt and he has virtually no self-worth, and there are a couple of occasions in-game where it becomes clear that he's afraid of losing the one person who somehow considers him lovable. After seeing Sebastian and all the other conquests, he begs Tav not to hate him, saying that he did what he had to. If he has a rival for Tav's affections, and Tav informs him that they broke up with the rival to be with Astarion, he's shocked and the first thing out of his mouth is, "You ended things with them for me? Why?" And if Durge tries to break up with him for his own safety, his facade drops and he immediately asks if he did something wrong. So while he's not afraid to argue with Tav, if something happens - like an angry outburst - that upsets or angers them, and he thinks he's at risk of losing that one steady, stable person in his life, he might well cling and overcompensate to try and repair what he thinks is a fracture in their relationship. He'll fawn or beg or crawl into Tav's bed to "apologise" and "make it up to them" because, well, very occasionally it worked on Cazador. With patience and good communication and lots of repeatedly driving the lesson home to overcome 200 years of education to the contrary, he will eventually start to believe that "I'm really pissed off at you right now," does not equate to, "You are the worst mistake I've ever made and I am leaving you."

Panic Attacks: I feel like honestly he'd get some symptoms of these on a fairly regular basis, but he's never been given any option other than just trying to power through them. He's used to realising he's shaking, he's used to feeling like he's watching himself from outside his body, or like he can't breathe even though he doesn't need to. He's very familiar with the sickening fear in his gut, so intense it makes his head spin. He's not used to being comforted or reassured about them - he thinks they're normal. Tav disagrees.

Anyway, cptsd is messy and complicated and often looks very different from person to person so these will not represent everyone's but these are just some ideas for what the ongoing recovery process might make them work through, based on the aspects I'm most familiar with.

Projecting? Who's projecting? I'm not projecting. Shut up.

#bg3 #bg3 headcanons #bg3 meta #astarion x tav #astarion x durge #mom said it's my turn to project on the blorbo #astarion ancunin

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lakefu · 19 days

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A Perfect Warmth 🕯️

Summary: Astarion and Tav take a well deserved break away form the chaos of their adventures at an inn inside Baldur's Gate. They need to clean up and get back on the road but they keep getting distracted. Perhaps plans could be delayed for a night of passion...

Pairing: Astarion x female!Tav

Tags: 18+, Explicit, fluffy smut, brief Astarion trauma response, PIV, erogenous elf ears, scent kink, blood + biting, a bit of praise, a bit of edging... a sprinkle of cockwarming...., these guys are in love...

Word count: 3.5k Note: This was my first fic originally uploaded on Ao3 on 11/27/23, inspired by the patch #4 dev note mentioning adding sponges to clean your companions. I've made edits from the Ao3 post.

“Remind me to sell this junk next time we pass by a merchant, would you dear?” Astarion was seated at the edge of the bed and rummaging through his traveler’s pack, placing various items on the nightstand for further examination. Two silver forks, an old necklace, and a handful of various polished stones ended up on the table before he plucked out an intricate sapphire ring and held it up to the sunlight peeking through the window.

“Good taste,” he muttered to himself. He placed the ring on his pinky finger in amusement and resumed the scavenge.

“It’s going to get difficult sneaking up on people if I have to lug this heavy thing around you know.” He threw over a glance at Tav, who was preoccupied with gathering laundry together in preparation for the next day.

“It wouldn’t be so heavy if you didn’t pocket nearly every shiny thing we came across,” she teased, without even looking over at him.

He gasped dramatically. “Framed by my own lover? Quite the scandal. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten the near dozen times you’ve asked me to hold onto your things because your own pack was too full.”

“Hmm. Maybe. I guess that might sound sort of familiar…” She giggled to herself and walked into the bedroom to catch his eye, meeting him with a mischievous grin.

“Why are you such a- oh! Now, what’s this you’re wearing?” Astarion blinked and scanned her up and down, clearly enthralled by the wardrobe change. She stood there in an old linen robe that was yellowed with age, definitely unlike anything he had ever seen her in before.

“Just some old thing I found in the dresser here, isn’t it just fabulous?” Tav's words were dripping in sarcasm and yet she smiled, performing a grandiose little spin in the middle of the room as if she was wearing the most beautiful ball gown in the world.

“I… it’s just so different from your usual armor or that drow nightwear you fancy so much. You look so… domestic.” His eyes were locked onto Tav intensely, with brow furrowed as he seemed to be confused by his own words.

She felt her heart skip a beat and a flush run to her face.

“And you think that’s a good look for me?”

His eyes softened and he paused a moment before quietly answering.

“Yes… I do.”

Tav watched as his smile faded and the gaze of his eyes became increasingly more distant. The atmosphere seemed to shift and a slight panic ran through her body. Did she do something wrong? No... and it didn’t require a tadpole connection to get an understanding for what had brought down his spirits.

Astarion hadn’t considered a comfortable domestic life was possible for someone like him. Even the slightest concept of such a thing had been buried for over a hundred years, and he never expected it to resurface. Was he worthy of such a thing, and was it even possible?

Oh, it was possible. The evidence was standing right in front of him, spinning circles in an ugly bathrobe. He could see glimpses of a happy future that was so close to being a reality he nearly felt nauseous. Not because he was unsure of himself, but because there were still too many unresolved matters they had a duty to attend to. Too many missions and stupid little quests that could now go wrong and threaten this idea of a happy ending he never even knew was possible.

Everything was different now that he realized what was possible, and he suddenly felt an unknown and uncomfortable pressure. All he knew was that he couldn’t afford to lose in the upcoming battles. Battles that some would say were impossible, suicidal even. The thought of loss at this point was beyond unbearable. It was sickening just to think about.

“Hey!!” Tav ran up to where he was sitting on the bed and took his head in her hands. She placed a delicate kiss on his forehead, knowing she had to get him focused on something else.

“Why don’t we go to the shop right now and get rid of that stuff,” she motioned to the collection of items that had been gathered on the nightstand.

“Wouldn’t hurt to get some more coin in our pockets, right?” She looked at him expectantly and felt a huge relief as a light seemed to return to his eye and meet her view.

“Please tell me you aren’t going to wear that horrid robe to see the merchant,” he sighed and looked up at her pleadingly.

“Of course not!! I’ll change and- oh gods!!! We’ve got to get this blood off your face, the merchant is going to think we are trying to kill him!” Tav exclaimed as she lightly shook his shoulders, and quickly began examining his body to see how much cleaning would have to get done before they could leave.

“Blood… on my face?” He raised an eyebrow and brought a finger to his cheek.

“Yeah!! Well, it’s all over you really, dontcha remember earlier today, fighting those cultists?? You sneaked up behind one of ‘em and BAM!!! Just obliterated with a single strike, it was amazing!! You’re so strong…you know.” Her pulse was racing at the mere memory of the event as she delicately traced the side of his face with her fingers and ventured down to his chest.

“Ah of course. That was all so terribly easy I’d nearly forgotten,” he said proudly, adjusting his posture and keeping his eyes on Tav’s hand movements sliding across his chest. Her soft touch was becoming more firm as her fingers made their way toward his arms, giving his biceps a teasing squeeze before leaning her face into his and teasing a kiss.

Before their lips could touch, Astarion wags a finger in between their faces as if to remind Tav of the task at hand.

“Alright my sweet, let’s clean up shall we? You’re my mirror after all. So, go on then.” He took her hands into his own and gave them a kiss before placing them back at her side, encouraging her to go and gather whatever it was she needed to get him cleaned up.

Right, the supplies. It was nearly impossible to remain focused after moments of intimacy with him, no matter how brief they were. She quickly moved into the other room to acquire the washcloths and bucket of soapy water that she was using for herself not too long ago. Hands full, she scurried back to the bedroom to meet her lover, who hadn’t moved an inch.

As she approached him, Tav could feel the tie on her robe becoming increasingly more loose with each step that was taken across the floor. The embarrassment hit her as she realized she didn't have any hands free to do anything about it. She quickly tried to put the bucket down by the bedside, but the bending movement only resulted in the robe slipping off one of her shoulders, exposing a bare breast.

“Oh? You haven’t got anything on underneath?” Astarion cocked his head in amusement, eyes unmoving from the newly exposed skin.

“Ye-yeah that’s the whole point of robes isn’t it? I was doing laundry earlier ya know and umm,” She laughed nervously and started to fix the wardrobe malfunction but was quickly stopped by a hand over her own. Astarion reached out toward her until both hands were around her waist and pulled her in close to his body. Fangs were peeking through his devious smile while determined eyes looked her up and down. With a singular finger he crept over to the loose knot of the robe’s tie and flicked it completely undone with one swift movement.

Tav shuddered and felt her body starting to run warm despite now being suddenly exposed to the cool air of the inn. She was completely revealed to him now, the robe only just clinging to her arms and draped across her backside.

“Gods, you’re beautiful,” he sighed and began kissing her stomach and caressing the curves of her waist. “Come here.”

Tav gasped as she felt his cold grip around her waist tighten as he expertly lifted her up onto his lap with ease. Pleased at the new angle, Astarion shifted his attention to kissing the crook of her neck and started moving down her chest. He delightfully found her nipple with his mouth in no time, and teased it in circles with his tongue just as he knew she liked it. His gentle sucking continued for only a few brief moments before he suddenly withdrew and cleared his throat.

“Ah, well. You can reach my face better up here I’m sure. For the cleaning of course,” he said smugly. The elf leaned back and admired the view of his lover, nude and flustered, perched oh-so perfectly on top of him.

“The cleaning…” Tav nodded and remembered she still had a warm and soapy washcloth in her hand. The urge to throw the stupid cloth into some unknown corner of the room was nearly undeniable. All she wanted in this moment was for him to take her completely, in any way he wanted, it didn’t matter as long as she ended up getting fucked into oblivion. So fine. On with the cleaning.

She raised the washcloth to his temple and slowly began to wipe away the dried blood by working down his face. His cheeks were a bit sunken as usual but flushed adorably in this moment, clearly enjoying the tender rubs of cloth on his skin. She continued rubbing down toward his chiseled jawline, across to his lips, and back up the other side to repeat the process once more. She ran her fingers through his silver curls and noticed his ears would need cleaning too.

One hand caressed the pointy ear to keep it in place and the other brought the washcloth in for a gentle scrub. A quiet moan suddenly escaped the vampire’s lips.

Oh? She had seemingly discovered a sensitive spot and noted that she would have to continue her work carefully. The scrubbing continued but Tav couldn’t keep her eyes off his face now. His eyes were closed but still noticeably moving behind their lids, and his lips were slightly parted with his breathing becoming increasingly heavier and more noticeable.

Astarion was in his own world of pleasure. What in the hells had he been doing these past weeks, aimlessly scrubbing himself clean alone in the river when they could have been doing this the whole time instead?

He opened his eyes just to make sure it wasn’t all a dream. She was still there of course, diligently and lovingly taking such good care of his body. A wave of maddening lust rushed through his core and he needed her closer. He needed her as close as physically possible and even more so after that.

Their eyes met, revealing intense desires. Tav lowered her hands and she spoke slowly, “Can you take your shirt off? There’s a spot I can’t get to with it on…”

She wasn’t fooling anybody, but he obeyed without hesitation. The shirt was gone in seconds, revealing his pale and perfectly sculpted chest. It was a sight that Tav never tired of admiring, and was in fact the subject of distracting daydreams on the daily. She shifted her body closer to his and continued scrubbing his neck and chest, despite it becoming increasingly more difficult to focus. Deep breaths.

She had always been fond of his cologne that he was quite proud of concocting himself. The scent of aged brandy, bergamot, and rosemary was now forever an Astarion specialty that she could never forget. Even during times of battle or travel, a gust of wind could carry his essence to her and bring along with it a sense of reassuring familiarity. As she continued to wipe him down, however, a different scent began to come to the forefront.

It was something that did not seem completely foreign, but it wasn't immediately identifiable either. There was something about taking it all in that felt forbidden. Tav tried to pinpoint what she was experiencing. He smelled earthy… raw… unnatural… it was without a doubt, the undeath.

An undeniable heat rose through her body as she engulfed herself with this pure scent from her lover. The washcloth, the bed, the entire room seemed miles away, and nothing felt coherent except for a craving to be even closer to him. Nothing else existed except their bodies and her overwhelming desire to-

“Eager, are we?” A sultry voice snapped her back into reality, where piercing red eyes amusingly greeted her return. She suddenly became aware of a presence between her thighs and glanced down, realizing she was sitting atop a clothed bulge. His hands had a firm grip on her backside and his encouraging movements made it clear she had been absentmindedly grinding on him during her trance.

“Shit, I got carried away…” She hadn’t taken her eyes off his crotch and began to notice that her excitement had left a dampness on his clothes. Embarrassment nearly overtook her, but a gentle yet confident hand grabbed her chin and brought it up to meet his gaze. He leaned into her with a grinning open mouth and kissed her passionately, tongues intertwining.

She felt his fangs briefly scrape against her tongue every so often until a metallic taste became increasingly noticeable. She didn't mind the blood, especially since it seemed to enhance his arousal as noted by his hips continuously jolting faster up into her exposed crotch. Tav was soon pleasantly overwhelmed between his deep kisses and desperate hands groping her at every curve of her body. She longed to give him everything; her blood for his hunger, her body for his pleasure.

Tav released herself from the kiss they had been locked into and tilted her head so that her neck became exposed as an undeniable gift. His mouth lunged at the presented spot as soon as it was noticed, fangs immediately sinking in deep. Tav cried out at the initial impact but soon was reveling in the experience. It was a perfect mixture of pain and pleasure that she was only capable of experiencing from him.

He remained on her neck for a while, still tightly holding on to her body and keeping one hand free to reassuringly caress the back of her head. It was only after the blood flow slowed to a near stop did he cease his medley of licking and sucking at the wound. Blood dripped down his chin and onto his exposed chest, but he was ultimately unfazed. He leaned back, clearly happy and mostly satisfied, but there was still a different type of satisfaction he had left to chase.

Astarion's throbbing erection was begging to be released from its clothed restraints. He quickly untied his pants and shifted his underwear to finally free it. He moaned a few incomprehensible words of relief and stroked himself a few times before looking up at Tav for approval.

Tav had been staring at his length from the moment it was exposed, an impressive size for an elf, no doubt. Her eyes fixated on his perfectly pink tip, glistening with precum just for her. She immediately fantasized of shoving him down her throat until she choked and cried, but that was a fantasy for another day. In their current position, they both knew there was only one simple way of how to continue.

“Astarion,” she whimpered. “Fuck me.”

Tav sat up on her knees and positioned herself so that her entrance was just nearly grazing the head of his dick, ready to take him in completely at any moment. She grabbed ahold of his shaft and guided the tip back and forth through her folds until he was covered in her slick. The new sensation of the friction between them left them both gasping and desperate for more.

Suddenly, finally, his arms wrapped around her body as he pulled her down onto him with one firm motion. Astarion grunted through his teeth while Tav moaned unapologetically, focusing on relaxing enough to allow her body to adjust to his length inside of her.

The temperature differences between their bodies only heightened the feelings of pleasure whenever they became one. Her warmness was intoxicating to him, granting a sense of safety and bliss that was impossible to achieve anywhere else. He was already so close to the edge in this moment, but was not ready to give in just yet. He wanted this moment of heaven to last as long as possible.

Meanwhile, Tav was having the time of her life riding her man like there was no tomorrow. She had no intent to slow down until a pair of large hands suddenly gripped her hips in a way that prevented any further movement.

“I’m not done with you yet, love. Didn’t you notice the mess I’ve made after feasting on you?” Astarion took a finger to his chin and smeared a bit of Tav’s fresh blood down his neck.

It was true, he had made a mess. Quite uncharacteristically of him in fact. Tav had assumed he had simply gotten careless in his horny and feral craze but no- it was clearly all calculated.

“Just be still and sit nice and pretty on my cock. Finish the cleaning, then I’ll take care of you myself. How does that sound?”

How does that sound? His words echoed in her head, which was already spinning plenty enough as it was. She was unsure if it was from the blood loss or her seemingly never ending carnal desires, but perhaps it was both. One thing was certain, however, he could convince her to do damn near anything speaking in that low and lustful tone of his. Without uttering a word she slowly brought the washcloth up to his chest.

“Good girl,” he whispered. He felt her body twitch around him in response to the praise, and he leaned back to relax and enjoy these final few moments of intimacy.

It had taken everything in Tav's power to remain still while she worked. It wasn't exactly easy to focus- she was being split in half by a whimpering vampire beneath her after all. Astarion’s skilled fingers had been dancing around her swollen clit the whole time, just enough to keep her stimulated but never enough to let her come.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the blood was all cleaned up. She hadn't even realized when it happened or how he did it, but his pants were completely gone now. She reached over to place the cloth down and awaited her reward of sweet release.

Astarion’s hands moved to the knees that were straddling him and slowly pushed them farther apart, spreading Tav’s legs open bit by bit. She inhaled sharply as she took him in deeper. He opened her up more and more until she lost her balance and fell backwards onto his expectant embrace.

“Relax darling, I’ve got you,” He purred in reassurance.

Astarion took her entire weight in his arms with ease and laid her down amongst the soft pillows of the bed. He nestled himself comfortably between her legs, making sure their bodies were flush with one another. Nearly smothered by his body now, all Tav could do was claw at his back and arch her hips into his powerful thrusts. His mouth frantically traveled across her lips and neck with desperately wet kisses until he settled near her ear with a playful nibble.

“You’re so beautiful…” He whispered tenderly, while the rhythm of his lovemaking became increasingly sporadic. “So fucking perfect… Gods…just for me… I love you… so much...”

“Star, I- ah!” Her words cut short as she felt something snap within her. Pure ecstasy- she was falling and flying somewhere a million galaxies away and never wanted to come back. Obscene noises and curses filled the room as they rode out each other’s high in tight embrace. The smell of sex lingered in the air as their bodies heaved with labored breaths, finally collapsing on each other in exhaustion.

They laid together a while longer, exchanging soft kisses and enjoying the short moment in time where nothing else in the world mattered. Eventually, Astarion rolled out of the bed and stood up to stretch.

“Tsk, looks like it’s my turn to clean you up my dear,” He said with an accomplished grin, eying how her thighs were dripping with his sticky mess.

“I’ll be right back, don’t move an inch. Actually, I doubt you can move at all after that, ahaha!” He laughed and leaned over to brush aside a strand of Tav’s sweaty hair that was stuck to her forehead before walking over to the other room.

“Shut up… dummy…” she smiled to herself and rolled over, feeling at ease enough that the weight of sleep was starting to overtake her.

“I love you too, Astarion.” Her eyes closed as she drifted off into a peaceful slumber, knowing that her lover would soon come back to her side like he always did, and always would.

#astarion #astarion x tav #astarion smut #astarion fanfic #astarion romance #astarion ancunin #tavstarion #bg3 astarion #astarion fluff #bg3 #astarion fanfiction #vampire fanfiction #astarion x f!tav #astarion x female tav #bg3 smut

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kalki-tarot · 3 months

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GOOD THINGS HAPPENING FOR YOU IN NEXT 6 MONTHS ✧˖°.

Timeless | pick a picture | Masterlist

Tarot is not 100% correct all the times and does not replace medical or professional treatment. Your destiny lies in your own hands and you create your own reality. Kalki tarot is not responsible for any decisions made on behalf of this reading by anyone.

Pile 1

You are finally walking away from things that don't serve you in the next 6 months

Your hard work will be acknowledged by your seniors or superiors

Someone will offer you a helping hand or emotional support

Small investments will convert into big profits

Your intuition will increase and you will connect more to your higher self

Someone's true nature will be revealed to you (water sign, masculine energy)

Some truth will come to surface and will be known to you

A love message / offer / confession on valentine's day

You will gain stability after a long time of being drained

An exciting text message!

New friends, new people and new communication

Pile 02

You are getting the needed rest and relaxation

A trip of travel / break from work and going on a vacation

People who don't match up your energy are finally leaving your life in next 6 months

You will be blessed with Material abundance and generational wealth

A result coming in your favour

Your Emotional well being improving

Mental clarity and a state of letting go of things that don't serve you anymore

Alignment with your goals

You are getting some reward or recognition for your hard work

A manifestation is coming to you in the 3d

A successful deal will take place and things will go your way

A new relationship is forming here, something you were anxious about will go very well according to your plans

Pile 03

Your dream wedding is taking place

A party or meetup with friends and family

Your family and you are having a great time and things are being resolved by their own

A communication is coming fastly towards you which you were waiting for a long period of time

A wish fulfilment

International travel

Your trauma is being healed in the next 6 months

Maybe you will finally meet a therapist or a nurturing human being who will help u heal and serve an important purpose in your life

Balance and harmony in your mental state

Things are getting better for you

Something about your moon sign will be beneficial for you, or some astrology related thing happening with your moon sign in your favour

You will receive a bouquet of flowers

You will go to a beach / water body for relaxation

You learn something about your ex which will help u move on from them / their true nature will be revealed to you through divine intervention for your betterment

You will finally complete or break a karmic cycle.

Pile 04

A mental conflict or fight will get resolved

You are advised to not spend too much money on useless things

You will do some charity work or just volunteer for people

You will know some divine secret

A wish is getting fulfilled in the next 6 months

If you are thinking of confessing your love to someone, do it! They will day yes to you!

You will finally leave your comfort zone and go out on a date

Something significant from the past will inspire you to start something new soon

A new beginning in something is quickly on its way to you

You will be presented lot's of options in love or career to choose from

You will finally rise from the ashes

Your family or loved ones will help you with something with which u are struggling rn

A situationship will come to an end and will being communication

Things may get delayed for you but they are coming on the right time

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furiousgoldfish · 1 year

Text

whenever anything happens I only know few years later how I actually feel about it

#ptsd #delayed reactions #delayed emotional responses #emotional flashbacks #not understanding the circumstances and significance of the trauma #until years later when you manage to unpack it and get a grip on what actually transpired #without being suffocated by guilt and belief that it was all your fault #except sometimes even just daily events get delayed reactions #because i was scared in the real time #and didn't get to process anything on the spot #because i was just thinking of how to get out of that situation alive

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froggyfics · 3 months

Text

Submissive Batboys Headcanons

This was requested! I was also inspired by another anon to post something for Valentine's Day!!! So, here's a special treat!

Feedback is always appreciated. Feel free to message me privately or comment below to let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is always welcome!

Pairing: Batfam x gn!reader

Theme: Smut

Word Count: 652

Bruce Wayne:

takes a good minute to convince him to be a sub

he DESPISES not being in control, so to have him give up control in a vulnerable and intimate setting, you have to be someone special.

he’s not gonna do it with just anybody

this needs to be planned out well in advance

would probably end up loving it, because omg everyone needs a break from being a control freak every once in a while.

he’ll probably be into some form of masochism (duh! he’s Batman! don’t know how you can get any more masochistic than that)

wax and impact play would probably be the most probable kinks in this dynamic (anything that makes him not think his responsibilities)

Dick Grayson:

you probably don’t even need to bring this conversation up. he’d probably do it himself :D

super adventurous in the bedroom, so this would def be a dynamic that is commonplace

probably thinks it’s fun to switch things up every once in a while!

he’ll pretty much be down for anything you want to do

honestly would love be pegged (he doesn’t want to be able to walk tomorrow)

he aims to please! your satisfaction is his utmost priority

however, he would definitely be a bratty sub.

he would talk back and mouth off, just so you could punish him (it’s not really a punishment if he really wants it though, is it?)

Jason Todd:

this is a really interesting one to think about!

i think it’s very similar to Bruce

you have to someone super special for him to even entertain this

you’d have to go super slow. multiple conversations are required and check-ins throughout the act are necessary

with that being said, he just wants to be loved and to love! he wants to explore this dynamic, but he holds back due to previous trauma. he would be down with anything with the person he’s comfortable with but!!!!!! would definitely have to be a scheduled event, so that everything is discussed beforehand

he would enjoy it! the liberation he experiences by letting go is euphoric. it’s just the prep that takes a bit of time

delayed orgasms, rope play, and some light impact play would probably most interest him

aftercare would be extremely important and will be the highlight of the entire experience

Tim Drake:

he would probably bring it up first, as well :D

down for anything! super adventurous and with his outstanding detective skills, he probably knows more about you want/like more than you

you’ll be completely surprised at how accurate he is

he’d be so fun to experiment with! again, he wants to do anything you want to do

he wouldn’t be all that bratty - he wants the best of the best for you and he lives to please!

he would likely be into slave/service sub dynamics

delayed orgasms would totally be his thing!!!! he’s also a rope bunny

don’t get my man confused, he is not inherently a sub. he’s just a damn good switch, and it all depends on his mood

he is not quiet whatsoever! he is gonna let you KNOW what he likes

Damian Wayne:

you definitely would have to bring this up to him

he might take a moment to mull it over, but he will agree to your demands rather quickly

he thinks it’s funny more than anything, thinking that you could be a dom, but he likes it way more than he lets it on initially

you would have to take baby steps, but soon enough it becomes more commonplace for him to sub

spanking and wax play is at the top of his list. it’s also an ego thing - he wants to show off to you and to himself how much pain he can handle

he’s super bratty, so you just have to smack him around

lowkey loves seeing the bruises on himself afterwards

#batboys #batfam #jason todd smut #bruce wayne smut #dick grayson smut #damian wayne smut #tim drake smut

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enavstars · 3 months

Note

May you bliss us with your angst ninja headcanons?

mainly kai pls

Sorry for the delay. You asked mostly for Kai's so I delivered. If anyone wants more hcs about the others I can work on it some time in the future (I also have more of Kai).

Now the hcs:

• All the ninja have PTSD from everything they’ve been through

• And abandonment issues

• Cole has an eating disorder and eats when he’s stressed, this is one of the reasons he is very insecure of his weight. People online poke at him for it

• Jay's terrified of losing his loved ones again because of him. That is another reason why he went absolutely crazy post Seabound, as he thinks it was his fault Nya had to resort to sacrificing herself

• He used to be bullied for living in a junkyard before becoming a ninja and that's why he was ashamed of it

• Zane always shoves down everything wrong that happens to him (e.g being the Ice Emperor for way too long to be ok about it) because he puts the team and their needs first.

• Nya has nightmares from the time she died in skybound but doesn't tell anyone.

• She had to keep her work and love life secret from her brother for fear that he would shut her down to protect her. Her fear persisted well into s1 and that's why she felt she had to hide Samurai X even from Kai

• Lloyd still admires his uncle despite his obsession with the green ninja (and all the neglect that came with it) because he's the only relative that actually took him in

• All of the ninja have at some point hidden an injury at least once. But Kai and Nya are the ones that do it more often (Nya specially when she was samurai X), and know how to treat mild wounds because of it.

• Kai and Nya do physical activities when they’re stressed or have emotions they don’t want to process. They can do their thing like Kai working in the forge and Nya doing mechanics but they usually train, however they can go on for hours (Kai has passed out a few times)

• Kai and Zane have a very poor sense of self. Zane’s comes from him not valuing his life and thinking he’s expendable since he can be rebuilt, ignoring all the trauma that comes from getting severely hurt or “dying”. Kai has problems seeing his worth as a human being because he’s never lived for himself; everything he does is for someone else and so he thinks his value resides in what he can do for other people.

• Kai is terrified of the idea of being alone, it’s his worst fear.

• He has THE WORST coping mechanisms and Zane is confused on how his body was able to go through all of them (Alcoholism, illegal fights, smoking…)

• Kai is an insomniac, he barely sleeps most nights and instead just waits until he passes out (He has very deep eyebags because of it but hides them with make up, covering his freckles too). He sometimes bumps into some other ninja at night since they all have fucked up sleep schedules.

• Lloyd also has a lot of problems sleeping because of nightmares and goes to Kai or Nya’s room where he feels safer (mostly into Kai’s). Sometimes they stay up at night chilling or they try to sleep. In those cases the nights with Lloyd are the ones where Kai sleeps the most because he feels safer too.

• Kai has chronic depression because of his fucked up childhood

• Lloyd thought he had depression too for a while but it turned out to be autistic burnout because of the stress of being the green ninja. But he can’t properly rest or heal from the burnout so he’s exhausted most of the time.

• When he’s stressed Kai forgets to eat and can go days with very little food because he’s used to it from being poor in his childhood.

• Genuinely forgot what it feels like to be a kid and have no responsibilities so it’s his personal mission to not let that happen to Lloyd. Kai would be devastated if Lloyd ended up like him.

• Kai sometimes feels insecure about his face scars and contemplates hiding them with make up.

• Kai’s touch starved but terrified of letting people in.

• He hides his negative emotions as anger and when the others try to reach out to him he pushes them away by getting angry at them until it's mutual and they leave him alone.

• Never told the others about what he did after Zane’s “death”. He fixed himself up, alone.

#ninjago #ninjago headcanons #headcanons

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theoccultz · 1 month

Text

Spiritual guides thats reaching out to you ?

Or is working with you in short , you can use this reading to find your guides from other realms

General reading , take what resonates leave what doesn't

Note: there was total of 6piles, i had to remove it because they didn't wanted to give a direct message meaning you'll have to figure it out so if you feel called to those numbers or is seeing 5 or 6 and you happened to stumble upon this reading then your guides are selene, leviathan and shezmu

Ignore any mistakes

This pac of mine is different and special, i didn't released it for a long time but i feel like i should now , the messages were direct and open to possibilities, its not my usual style of reading because I channeled from your guides perspective so you'll have to decode any messages , i put whatever i understood in orange ink as this reading was made a long time ago so yes .

My readings are inclusive, your comments, likes , reblogs are appreciated!! I read em all and i love it 💚

Note:Tarot should not be replaced with medical or professional advice , i'm here to provide you clarity and guidance please use your own discrement,any decision taken from your side is your responsibility thank you .

Pile l . Pile ll. Pile lll. Pile lV.

Pile l .

Baphomet

7ofcups, 8ofcups ,4ofcups, the sun x , the heirophant x,the chariot , 9of swords

I feel like in the upcoming months your workload will increase , you'll have a positive shift in your attitude, you'll be able to form new connections , be more outgoing and resilient , This is the change you invited or wished for , right now you could be feeling like things are moving slow or there's a lot of goals to complete taking up all your time and energy or you could be put in a period of relaxation but you still feel restless then you'll be out of this very very soon. Baphomet is also a knowledgeable guide .

I see a lot of new energy and new beginnings for you , you are prepared at this time , you are shedding your old skin , i see a period of abundance where you will be satisfied with where you are in your journey, baphomet is reaching out to you as a guide he wants you to focus on your work and make choices & decisions which are right for you , i feel like with all this abundance energy there will be some energy vampires , karmic soulmates or people with envious eyes who will also come into your life i feel like without baphomet you'll not be able to see the illusion that surrounds you , you'll feel as though finally things are on track or you're with right people making right choices but it'll be not the case , i highly feel that your blessings that are meant to stay for months or so will be envied , people will give you cold shoulder, you were letting go of your past and putting an end to things and it can turn upside down because there's a group which will be working in harmony to bring you down or cause little delays & troubles and this will be your own people doing it subconsciously( co-workers , family , friends) and your guide will be there to protect the work you'll be doing , he'll be working with you so you can succeed.

I feel like after a period of stillness, constant sadness , low energy , ill minded people, struggling days , humiliation, loss of power , disconnection, emptiness, overflowing emotions ,nightmares and past traumas which are haunting you for years you'll be able to let it go so this will be a big transformation you might have chiron-venus aspects or heavy chiron and mars energy , you'll need to direct your focus onto a steady path there will be new people entering your life , you need to have a better discernment as to who or what can drain your energy remember this includes romantic partners too not everyone is meant to stay in your life for good reasons , if you feel like you have people who dont appreciate you or behave rudely with you ,they will get their Karma because i feel like there's a lot built up of emotional baggage which is not yours and it will be sent back to who it belongs , i feel like channeling will help you a lot ...you can get a paper and write every single thing you encounter that wasn't pleasant and how it effected you growing up even the people who left you hurt , start with leaving the past in the past remember grieving is a natural process . Baphomet wants to help in balance your emotional state and be nurturing.

In short baphomet wants to help you reprganise your life , appreciate your studies/hobbies/work , redirect your purpose , bring a tower moment (shake things which are not build on solid ground) , cut of the distractions, reconnect with your inner self, manifest and establish new connections .

Things i heard: cleasing oil , marine , attire white silk , fan club , papers , z ? , railways (travelling) , accident, January -march-april , horror franchise, filmography, addictions , baneful magick , throat crown chakra , mandli? Lee? She's not your friend , good for nothing, energy vampires, its not your energy send it back (return to sender you can do ), ex , delivery ,black Violeta, Portuguese,spanish , libra 5-6th house , mars , scorpio energy , check sextiles, visit a planetarium, IGi o or ig ? Lamps , water ,panther, fosh , narration, a ? Soup , driver , dream , sani ? , cat , m ? , virgo placements, rally , lgbt friends or someone who's of same gender likes you romantically .

Pile ll.

Beleth hazel

The heirophant x , the sun x , five of wands , 6of wands, 8ofwands.

For manifestation i feel like he is very good in whatever abilities he posses he has taught multiple generations , he's very good with regulation of emotions , he really wants you to have a favourable outcome in whatever you're interested in or whoever you are interested in , i feel like he's specifically reaching out to you to make you aware of something or to teach you something like he wants to revive your reputation i feel like in the past and even today he was the magician , people would come to him with health issues , family issues and he would make a healing potion for them . yeah he's very sweet yet a little stern .

If you have talents or goals set for long term he wants to help you reach them ,you wont be confused or overwhelmed his guidance is smooth and doesn't take much effort for an individual to be adaptive. There's this energy of putting yourself on the top and creating a life for yourself here , i think he acknowledges you put in great effort for work , studies and helping others and now he wants to help you progress efficiently with your abilities. There's something about establishment of ideal sense be it regarding your personality or your fashion . Fashion is also many people are interested in or follows its also a form of creativity.you might be a fire or an earth sign with significant jupiter influence. Health issues seem very significant ,it could be acute stress you are experiencing.

In short he wants you to have confidence in the person you are , he wants you to put in great efforts in putting yourself out there , he wants you to shine amd let go of things , he wants to establish a reputation for you , he wants you to work with him because you share similiar traits and anilities , he reminds me of a photographer he bring the best in people and he knows what he's doing.

Higher level studies , stress , pluto9h , serial , repetition numbers: 333,1515 ,999,phonines, cut off , intense, pressure , bar , the weeknds, playing with fire , distressful people, closed off , forced. ,value traditions , atheists , red ,5 ,1 , science , demanding boss, Saturday Tuesday? 18 , 21.

Pile lll.

Barren samedi

The emperess x,justice , knight of swords , king of wands x , ten of cups eight of wands .

Barren samedia is already actively involved in your life and he has a message (channelled)

Okay you guys might be going through a crucial stage in your life or will be going through it soon i feel like its not a hard one but it'll make sure to remind you of your core strength. After this transformation you'll have a transformation , you'll push yourself you might be going out more , doing what interests you , meeting other people and even creating something in the public eye , in short youll be greatly recognised and appreciated by those around you .

There's something with communication and connections , i'm seeing old energy will be left behind it wont be retrived you'll have to leave a space which doesn't concern you anymore or people, i'm seeing someone turn 18 and moving out of the house by their own ..an independent step is always yours and you'll have to execute it NO ONE will do it for you so if you wanna have new beginnings you must take the first step . There's something about time management and saving your time? barren samedia is making more space for things to get aligned . You'll have to be honest with yourself if you feel like something's blocking you find out that blockage and work on it you are not a little kid anymore who's threatened by these issues . Learn to take your own responsibility but also be open to others and their energy not everyone is out to get you . The reason empress energy is reversed is you still have not utilised your best potential expect things to stabilise by the next full moon which is on 25th march for those who are reading in this month , it'll be an eventful one . And pls stop reacting to stupid criticism and dont be defensive you lose many opportunities.

In short , he's direct and wants you to step up and ask fir the things which are your right , dont stay stuck in not wanting bigger things , let go of old beliefs , start chanelling , ask what you want from your universe , foght your insecurities , he wants to prepare you for bigger and better things so you dont fall into the same ground which people want you to stay in , he wants you to be angry and wake up , he wants you to redirect your anger onto right things , get what you ask is his message.

Uranus 6h , saggitarius, martha , kenzas city , maribe , headache , lost of loved one's, cera ve? , k , hijacked movie , maroon5.

Pile lV.

Pazuzu fazuzu

The empress x, strength x , page of swords

I feel like there's a person in your life who's immature and rude they dont respect your boundaries and are constantly disrupting your life, you must be experiencing a period of stillness and loneliness because of them this could be a friend , family ,a partner or a lover who's not ready to sacrifice they are taking you for granted and isn't being appreciative of you .

They are hindering your growth and is constantly draining you , you could be feelin' sleepy , unmotivated and must be experiencing moodiness irritatible behaviours. Fazuzu wants to teach them a lesson they hate these kind of people who just take from others and doesn't value others as they should be valued . They lack a better judgement and is bitter , this could be very subliminally done as well like they could be hot and cold with you their actions are inconsistent and they're wanting to take your time more than you're ready to give them . Pazuzu is a fierce protector and can bring great happiness to one's life , he can encourage you he's Courages and help you regain control . You are advised to leave people and situation that doesn't serve you anymore as you'll keep repeating cycles which are only gonna put you in constant worry .

Idk that character from the police story juntao is very significant here you could be going through similiar situation or there could be a message in the film as well , i feel so . You could be seeing cats a lot and this is a sign.

In short , he wants to put things in order , whats not meant to be yours will be taken , you'll be provided with a period of healing , others will get their karma , you'll be working on your crown chakra .

Restaurant ,road trip , metal music , comeback , sick , latino , birthday , cool, your name , pisces moon , aries sun , sag placements , private show , job application, nausea , river side , blue red bag , pocket money ,purple , fix damage , fuzzy day ,

Thank you for reading!! Have a great day ahead .

#Spotify #pick a card #tarotblr #pick a pile #tarot reading #spirituality #intuiative reading #vd

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a-d-nox · 9 months

Text

what's a solar return?

any time the sun transits and becomes exactly conjunct your natal sun (it is in the exact sign and degree it was in when you were born), you undergo a solar return. solar returns happen every year on your birthday. my solar return is coming up this october, so i thought "why not?let's continue my thoughts about the return charts."

but what can a solar return chart show you?

literally everything about your year ahead. you just have to look at it and know what you are looking at/for. so let's break it down some of the basics...

sun

energy/aura, attention you receive this year, leadership opportunities, creativity, pride/ego/dignity, how generous you are, individuality, personal development, self-awareness, what makes you happy, celebrations, and self-expression.

moon

emotions / emotional responses, self-care, comfort zone / safe space, femininity, mothers / matriarchal / maternal instincts, family, nostalgia, pregnancy/fertility, baking/cooking, adaptability, menstruation, and habits/routines.

mercury

communication/gossiping, mindset / reasoning skills, perception, writing, social media / cellphone use, short trips, ground transportation, and mannerisms.

venus

romance, beauty/aestheticism, pleasure(s), art/entertainment, self-love, harmony, femininity, sentimentality, how you compromise, parties/celebrations, and possessions.

mars

passions/desires, self-confidence, ambition, anger/aggression, competitiveness, athletics / physical energy, impulsivity, courage/bravery, tasks, masculinity, assertiveness, sexuality, and violence.

jupiter

luck, abundance, wealth, success, opportunity, popularity, wisdom, air travel, ease, higher education (college/university), optimism, justice/retribution, law, and fulfillment.

saturn

work, achievement/mastery, challenges, karma, fathers / patriarchy / paternal instincts, fears, guilt, delays/limitations, discipline, responsibility, past issues that are prevalent this year, practicality, stability, endurance, maturity, and grudges.

uranus

friends/fans/followers, technology, fluctuation/change, rebellion, independence, originality, unexpected things / surprises, and chaos.

neptune

creativity, selflessness, escapism, intuition, hidden things, deception/lies/delusion, confusion, inspiration, and addiction/fascination.

pluto

change/transformation, power, sex/seduction, death, intensity/magnetism, obsessions, manipulation, and purging.

1h/asc

identity, approach/mindset this year, physical appearance, mannerisms, and your presence.

money/finances this year, material possessions, self worth, what you are giving/receiving, and resources.

communication/gossip, mind / method of thinking, sibling relationship(s), interests, ideas/information, ground transportation, social media / cellphone use, publishing, and short trips.

4h/ic

homes/houses, family matters, parents (mainly maternal figures), inner child work you do this year, inheritance, traditions you practice this year, self-care you do this year, and femininity.

children, talents / hobbies / entertainment / creative pursuits, drama, short-term romances, pleasures/gifts, fertility, and joy/delight/jubilation

daily routine, health/fitness/diet, work/duties, self-improvement / shadow work, hygiene, and pet(s).

7h/dsc

long-term relationships / marriage / partnerships, how you care for others (if you care for others), minor legal pursuits, contracts/negotiations, known enemies, close associates / business partners, and equality/harmony/sharing (how you promote it and how (if) you receive it).

changes (external and internal), death (internal and external), shared finances, what you invest in, stocks/taxes/inheritance/loans/assets, intimacy (intellectual and physical), secrets/mystery, mental health / trauma you experience, and possible surgery/operations.

wisdom you gain, major legal pursuits, new beliefs/ethics/philosophy milestones, college/university, and air travel / travel abroad.

10h/mc

career, public image / status / reputation in society, responsibilities towards society/others, authority, paternal figures, and your professional aspirations (the progress you make towards them this year).

11h

friends/companions/allies/groups, ideals/desires, how your different this year as opposed to years past, technology, networking/socializing, and parties (formal and informal).

12h

how you heal this year from you past / mental health journey, karma, sleeping habits, your experience with solitude/isolation this year, unknown enemies, illusions/delusions you have about your situation, fears / self-limitation, losses, and what you secretly/subconsciously want most this year.

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#astrology #astro community #astro placements #astro chart #asteroid astrology #asteroid #natal chart #persona chart #greek mythology #astrology tumblr #astrology notes #astro observations #astro content #astroblr #astro notes #astro posts

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redbleedingrose · 3 months

Note

since ur drabbles are open… thinking about girl dad!Eris and reader having another baby and Eris wants to name her Lucy after his baby brother 🥹

heheheh another babe for girl dad!Eris ???

If I am being so completely honest, I think it is gonna be a long long time until girl dad!Eris and you have another child. One fae pregnancy is extremely rare, and the fact that you had a twin pregnancy??? Almost unheard of in Prythian.

Eris for sure wants more children, I think it takes you a long time to be ready for it. You want to spend time with your twin babes, and your pregnancy with them was very, very difficult... it makes you less than excited to be pregnant again. And Eris is fully aware and ready to wait as long as you need, and is content if you decide you don't think you will ever be ready for another.

And to clarify, I think Eris would truly really pray for another girl. I think he has his own insecurities when it comes to having a son. He truly feels more comfortable with having daughters he can spoil and love on to the fullest extent. The thought of having a son... it makes him fear (even moreso than he does with Marwa and Twila) that he will act like his father.

Needless to say, I think Er has a lot of trauma he is working through, and You, Marwa and Twila are the reason he feels so inclined to do so. So, at the end of it all, it will take some time for him to be ready for another babe as well.

Now, your thought, dear anon, is a very sweet one, and I have had thoughts as well. So, maybe I can share some Girl Dad!Eris lore for the class since you brought it up so kindly!! <3

It takes a very long time for there to be reconciliation between Eris and Lucien, not for Er's lack of trying. Lucien is deeply, deeply scarred by what Beron did to him and Jesminda. And the role that Eris played, or at least the role that Lucien thought Er played, is one that broke their relationship.

Prior to this, Er was the only brother Lucien actually loved and was close to, and visa-versa. Eris truly adored Lucien, ever since he was a babe. Eris tells you later on, in the darkest hour of night, while he is wrapped up in your arms with his face buried in your chest, body shuddering from sobs, that he always knew that Lucien was different from the rest of them, from the rest of his brothers. Er's mother came clean to Eris years after the incident with Jesminda, but part of Eris already knew. And Eris thinks that there was a part of Beron that already knew. And maybe that is why what happened with Jesminda, is because of Lucien's crime of being born.

Eris' relationship with Lucien is honestly really difficult for Eris to talk about, he rarely wants to, even with you, his closest confidant, his best friend, his wife, his mate. It is not something he wants to spend time dwelling on, though you know, and he knows, that Eris will spend an hour a day, at least, thinking about how things could have ended differently, if he had just tried harder.

Eris was made aware of Beron's hatred for Jesminda the moment Lucien introduced her to their family. He caught the dark, hungry glint in the evil high lords eyes when she introduced herself as a young maiden coming from the rural farms of Autumn. As the eldest son, Eris was responsible for a lot of Beron's duties (in secret of course). As such, the night after Jesminda was introduced, Eris was summoned to Beron's office and was made aware of the plan to ruin the young loves relationship.

Eris spent a long time, with lots of effort, trying to put off or ruin Beron's plans. And he was often successful. What Eris counted on, was Beron letting things go between the two young loves. Eris counted on this being Beron's attempt to "protect the family image." Eris truly believed that if he delayed Beron's plans that many times, that eventually his father would give up.

What Eris didn't count on, was Beron's utter hatred for Lucien. Eris didn't count on the fact that the plan was to ruin Lucien's life. By the time Er figured out what was going to happen to Jesminda, it as already too late. Jes had already been brought to the prisons for her end, and Lucien was already being held back by their second oldest brother, Dragos.

The way that Eris explained to you, and he only has once because he really hates talking about this night, is that he grabbed onto Lucien to make sure Dragos didn't kill him right then and there. But with that, with his intent on protecting his youngest brother, he had to force Lucien to watch the beheading of his first love. It is not something Eris will ever find forgiveness in himself for. He will never forget the wails and shrieks of his youngest brother. And he will never forget the ringing silence that came after.

All that Eris had in his mind, trying to tamp down the sheer panic running through his arteries, pumping through his heart, is getting Lucien out. Once Jesminda was murdered, Eris wasn't sure what the fate of Lucien was. So, while he and Dragos were dragging Lucien away, when they were finally out of the sight of Beron and the other brothers, Eris released Luc and used the dagger hidden against his forearm to stab into Dragos' carotid. Lucien was soaked in his second eldest brothers blood as he scrambled away from Eris, but Er didn't let him get too far, winnowing the both of them out into the depths of the Autumns Forest.

"Go," he hissed between clenched teeth, shoving Lucien towards the spring border, "I will hold them off." The shouts of the other Vanserra brothers approaching closer and closer through the forest, Eris couldn't bring himself to look back as he shouted at Lucien to "Get out of here! Go! Leave and never ever come back!"

Eris described this night, as one of the worst ones of his entire life. He lost his most beloved brother, possibly forever. And he would never be able to explain himself. He would forever, in the eyes of his brother, be an enemy and one of the reasons Jesminda is not alive.

You coming into Er's life brought a lot of hope. A lot of strength for Eris. Centuries of planning to assassinate his father are finally carried out because there is nothing more that Eris wants, than a world where he can love you freely and openly, without putting you in danger. After Beron is... eliminated... Autumn Court flourishes under Eris' rule with your help as high lady. Eris has long let go of hope that one day, maybe Lucien will forgive him. But he has hope that he will build his own family, one that he will love and protect forever, one that he won't fail like he failed Luc.

Lucien, struggles with his emotions regarding Eris. He has long remained confused and angry and hurt about the night Jes was killed, and it takes him centuries to work through all of the trauma of it. And he has to do it without his oldest brother, without his mother. He has to do it alone. After that night, Lucien thought he would be alone forever, without a family.

Of course, as time passes, wounds heal slowly. From a distance, truly peripherally, Luc watches the Autumn Court flourish under Eris' rule with the new high lady, you. Lucien was stunned that Eris even created teh position of high lady, he always assumed that the woman to marry Er would live in a loveless marriage as lady autumn as his mother had. Lucien didn't think Eris would find love. He didn't think Eris would let himself have love. Despite these changes, Lucien remains wary for several more decades.

It is not until one fateful evening, in the middle of Summer while Lucien is in Day court, the truth of his conception being exposed after Beron's death, that Luc receives a letter with delicate, beautiful handwriting addressing him as "brother." It doesn't take long for Luc to figure out, that the handwriting belongs to the High Lady of Autumn, you, his brothers wife and mate. You never told Eris you were writing Lucien this letter, because you didn't want to get his hopes up, but you wrote to Lucien imploring him to come visit one day, if only to meet his new sister in law, if only to see the changes that have brought true joy to Autumn Court. In this same letter, you inform Lucien that you are expecting. That he will be an uncle, and that you hope to the mother, that you pray to the gods, that one day your babe will be able to meet their fathers favorite brother, their youngest uncle. Lucien, as you expected, does not respond to your letter.

At least, not right away...

Part 2 coming soon!

A/N: this is unedited but part 2 is coming tomorrow hopefully, Thursday evening at the latest 💞

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