Battling Depression
Battling depression isn't about if you can or if you can't. It isn't about waiting for your motivation to sprout back someday. You can do it, your motivation needs to be sowed and tended to and cared for properly.
If you don't have the energy to get up, find it in yourself to move your limbs around while you wake up. It'll take a bit, but it'll physically be easier to peel yourself out of bed.
If you don't have the energy to shower, find it in yourself to wash your face and hands.
If you don't have the energy to do laundry, find it in yourself to just toss in one or two outfits.
If you don't have the energy to clean the room, find it in yourself to pick up little things you know what to do with before you even think about it. Things like trash or trinkets that go on shelves.
If you don't have the energy to take out the trash, find it in yourself to tie off the old bag and set it aside to replace a new one. You can bring it out on your way to work or school the next day.
You'll make progress, slowly, and you won't realize. One day you'll look in the mirror while you're washing your face and go, "I want to wash my hair," so you'll get in the shower. Washing your hair will turn into standing under the warmth of the water because you won't remember how much you missed it. It'll turn into remembering the warmth you can give yourself. You'll wash your hair, and you'll finally have it in you to wash your whole body with it.
You'll be grabbing your one or two outfits and say, "wow, my other clothes haven't been worn in awhile. I can throw in a few more things," and you'll do your first full load of laundry since it got bad.
You'll look at how much cleaner that room is when some of the trash and trinkets are out of the way, and you'll want to know how nice it'll look when it's done. You'll get that room clean, it might take a few days, but you will.
You'll be tying off that trash bag someday, and you'll think how short of a walk it is to get it to the door. You'll finally bring it outside before you replace the bag.
One day, you will look in the mirror again, and you will see a person, I promise, as long as you don't give up.
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Not healing from trauma and suppressing it is like… being in a store and suddenly huge storm comes in. And yes it’s noon now and yes the store is warm and cozy and yes you can stay there but eventually it will be night. And you wanna go home so badly. It will get dark. The store will close and you’ll be kicked into the storm anyways. But if you accepted tools to pass the storm (it’s a store, grab an umbrella!) and walked out there, you’d realise all the thunder and lightning are far away from you. They can’t harm you. You will get wet, absolutely, you’ll get cold and you’ll feel terrible at times on your way home, but eventually, you’ll be home. You WILL be home. Safe. Where you can dry up. Eat. Sleep. You’ll be safe. So how about we grab that umbrella and make our way home before it’s night?
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