#toxic family

[ikarust]

i talk about tearing flesh from an arm with my teeth and you stare at me in horror like you haven't tasted blood before. i talk about being crushed like a small animal on a fast lane and you ask me how it's humanly possible of me to cling to the stone of the sidewalk the way i do. my mother could skin her hands at the sink and it would still not rid her from the truth that is that she has fed me her body and that she is convict to the manslaughter of her child.

quick question: how does one write about their mother without mentioning their mother? mine is a fortune teller. she tells me in the dead of the night while i am on the kitchen floor with the boning knife in one hand and and a towel in the other that i will never be loved right. that i will never find real love. that i will always suffer if i look for it.

mother knows best.

she tells me she destroyed herself for me and that i am selfish and cruel for not destroying myself for her. she begs me to be beautiful. she begs me to be the daughter she wanted to have. my friend tells me on the swing on a beautiful springtime evening that i am selfish and cruel for devouring every little piece of every damn thing that has ever tasted like love to me. and when i go home in the evening, my mother looks at me like she did the night she told me she wishes she'd killed me when i was a child. i tell everyone i am starving. my mother tells me she told me so.

i stare at the red in the ball of spit i hawked onto the bathroom floor. i retouch the scars on my thighs. i hack away at my hair with the big crafting scissors. i pray to god that i will wake up tomorrow beautiful and loveable. i wake up the same way. my mother tells me to never come back when i step out to leave for work. i tell her i am trying my best but nothing is working. she tells me she told me so. she tells me she's glad to see me in pain because i deserve it.

maybe i do deserve it.

i visit a clothing store and step into the fitting room just to see the way i am reflected back and forth in the front-and-back mirrors. i look and i see a morbid, mangled ruin the greatest what-could-have-been of all time. and by that i mean, i see a million possibilities in one. all the girls i could have been. and at the very center, where the image gets so small it's blurry and barely visible maybe i am beautiful. maybe i am loveable. maybe i find real love and maybe i don't suffer for it.

maybe i am the daughter my mother wanted.

#𓇼 . 𓏲* writing. ✩‧₊˚ #poetry #poem #eldest daughter #family #toxic family #quotes #bad mothers #toxic mother #mother #mommy issues #womanhood #mother issues #web weaving #literature #writing #original #words #love #prose #spilled ink #web weave #webweave #prose poetry #novel quotes #poems #parallels

[foxlungz]

I will always be so fucking angry for what they turned me into

#vent #tw depressing stuff #tw depression #depressing shit #kinda depressing #mentally exhausted #depressing life #toxic family #toxic parents

[pretendmynameispoetic]

3:13 pm at home

“Being around my family for an extended period of time makes me physically ill. I don't know how else to explain it…”

#femcel #girl interrupted #lana del rey #female hysteria #girlblogging #hell is a teenage girl #girlhood #shower thoughts #toxic parents #sullen girl #this is what makes us girls #gone girl #toxic girl #toxic mother #toxic female #toxic father #toxic family #just girly things #this is a girlblog #girl interupted syndrome #sylvia plath #fiona apple #lux lisbon #cecilia lisbon #lisbon sisters #the virgin suicides #the bell jar

[lovely-abeille]

on being the daughter of the family

if my body could speak, blythe baird // i put the coffin out to sea, lisa marie basile // @/belovedbi // ? // been a son, nirvana // elektra, sophokles; translated by anne carson // ? // churching, kristin chang

#web weaving #web weave #parallels #fragments #poetry fragments #poetry #poem #eldest daughter #family #toxic family #girlhood #quotes #anne carson #sophokles #bad mothers #toxic mother #mother #toxic father #bad fathers #father #parents #grief

[witchyykitten]

everyone talks about cutting off a toxic parent

but no one ever talks about the pain of wanting a parent but knowing yours cannot love you the way they should

#toxic mom #toxic mother #toxicmommy #toxic family #toxic parents #child abuse #narcissistic abuse #parental abuse #mental abuse #emotional abuse #abuse survivor #actually abused #why my family don't love me? #i hate my family #family issues #dysfunctional family #family #dysfunctional household #dysfunctional parents #dad issues #toxic father #father #toxic dad #emotionally unstable mother #emotionally immature parents #narcissistic mother #childhood trauma

[thatmemeguy89]

Say it louder for the people in the back

#memesdaily #spicy memes #funny memes #meme page #meme lord #memedaddy #memes #meme #dankest memes #dank memes #toxic relationship #toxic parents #toxic family #toxic people #follow me #follow #fyp #tumblr fyp #shitpost

[justabittraumatized]

girls be like “fighting demons😤🤪” and the demons be their moms

#toxic parents #mental illness #mentally ill bitches be like #trauma #toxic family #mommy issues #toxic mother

[queerism1969]

#lgbtqia #lgbtq #queer #radical feminists do interact #cool #this rules #cool shit #radical feminism #radical feminist safe #mysogyny #radical feminists do touch #radical feminist community #toxic relationship #toxic people #toxic parents #toxic love #toxic family #emotional abuse #trauma #breakup #divorce #regret #marriage #separation #parents

[nmolesofadrenaline]

#childhood #childhood ptsd #childhood neglect #abuse survivor #emotional abuse #toxic family #dysfunctional family #toxic parents #toxic mom #on father #on fathers #fathers

[emmmsie]

This is important.

#toxicity #toxic behavior #family members are fucking toxic and i hate them #toxic family #toxic parents #love yourself #positive #DO WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOU #LIVE FOR YOU #LOVE YOU #YOU ARE IMPORTANT #mental health awareness

[moonlit-positivity]

How to recognize when you need to set a boundary

Physical signs of your body telling you "no":

Bile in your throat

Panic

freeze response aka frozen or paralyzed w fear

Heart paced real fast

Anxiety

Unsettled stomach/gut feeling

Head fuzzy

Head & chest feels tight

Face might scrunch up in disgust/disbelief/pain etc

"ick" or "ew"

fainting or feeling weak as a result

crying

feeling like hurting yourself

cheeks hot, face flushed (embarrassment out of fear or humiliation)

fight/flight/freeze/fawn response gets triggered

body feels "charged" or "activated"

wanting to yell or shout back

wanting to run away

wanting to hide

wanting to stuff yourself with food/substances/alcohol etc to numb the pain

heart feels heavy or pounds at awkward intervals

not being able to eat

head shakes "no"

backing away

asking or screaming for help

feeling scared

feeling "on alert"

not knowing what to say

arms protecting yourself

not being able to move

Emotional signs that you are not safe:

Unsettling environment

Fawning aka "going with what they want" even if you don't feel good about it

Uncomfortable

Knowing the other person doesn't like it when you express things different from their own beliefs

Knowing if you spoke up you would be either mocked or downplayed or told you're being too sensitive

Being told you're "disrespectful" or "not allowed" to talk back or disagree in any way

Being told you're too chicken or being forced to feel dumb or stupid if you don't join in

Being openly mocked or talked about by the whole group

Expressing a concern and they get mad at you for being mad at them

You're always the one in the wrong even when you were the one being hurt

They use grandiose words and phrases to assert dominance

"walking on eggshells"

They continue to do the things you asked them to stop doing even after countless times asking them

They don't care about how you feel

They make no effort to acknowledge your feelings or acknowledge how their behavior is affecting you

They force you to participate in drugs/alcohol

They hold their power and good deeds they have done for you over your head and threaten to stop helping or support you or even take back what they have given you

They are physically aggressive/ violent

Rage

Rage during substance use

Touching you without asking

Downplaying anything you need as not important

What to do:

Take a deep breath

Take your time figuring it out

Remind yourself this isn't your fault

Stay focused on the behavior- because they WILL try to detract from it & turn it around on you

Gather your resources

Consider leaving or cutting contact

Consider therapy or online support groups to help yourself breathe and find safer spaces for yourself

Have an exit plan

Do not engage with the arguments & emotional bait

Cultivate your privacy

Cultivate your security

Cultivate yourself a safe space

Prepare yourself for the backlash

Ask someone safe to go with you

Call someone safe and ask them to stay on the phone with you if you do not feel safe

Self defense tools like pepper spray & brass knuckles

Know you're worth the exit

Take yourself seriously when they dont

Honor the gut feelings

Restore faith in your judgement

Honor your voice

Honor your body

Honor your "no"

Ask for a pause- "I need a break."

Ask for clarity- "Can you clarify that?"

Ask what their intentions are- "Are you being helpful or hurtful?"

Bring attention to the behavior and how it's making you feel- "I'm not comfortable with the way you're ignoring my concerns."

Make direct eye contact & deepen your voice- "You need to stop."

Do not apologize

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Hope this helps!

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #boundaries #mental health #healing #bpd #positivity #how to say no #setting boundaries #communication #relationships #toxic relationships #toxic friendships #toxic family #reminders #suggestions #compassionate reminders

[staltheoneandonly]

i feel like there's a point being the oldest sibling where you stop being your parents' child and start being just some person who happens to live in the house

#eldest daughter #eldest son #toxic dad #toxic family #toxic parents #toxic mom #mommy issues #daddy issues #parent issues

[family-trauma]

Sadly I can check off alot of items from this list. Time and self education are the only things that will help reclaim life back once you lose yourself with emotional abuse.

#absurd #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mental abuse #mental wellbeing #mental health #mentally drained #emotionally drained #emotional abuse #emotional trauma #toxic #toxic family #dysfunctional family #toxicity #toxic people #self help #selfhelp #self improvement #self therapy #therapy #family-trauma

[pretendmynameispoetic]

#femcel #female hysteria #lana del rey #girl interrupted #shower thoughts #toxic parents #toxic family #toxic father #toxic mother #girlblogging #girl interupted syndrome #this is a girlblog #this is what makes us girls #gone girl #hell is a teenage girl #sullen girl #girlhood

[cats-depression-diary]

I have my father's rage inside of me. And it's getting bigger and bigger, I can't stop it this time. It's killing me, I don't wanna turn into him, I hate this man sooo much, he has ruined my life.

#i hate my father #daddy issues #toxic family #toxic parents #toxic father #bpd blog #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #bpd vent #bpd #actually borderline #bpd problems #toxic household #tw self destruction #tw depressing stuff #depressing shit #this is depressing #sorry for being depressing #tw selfhate #vent #self h@rm

[witchyykitten]

#actually traumatized #childhood trauma #trauma #trauma survivor #dysfunctional household #dysfunctional parents #dysfunctional family #dysfunctional relationship #toxic ex #toxic mom #toxic mother #toxic family #toxic parents #toxic love