I think about you a lot.
All the time, actually.
In the morning, at night,
in the middle of my day. It's you.
It's just always you.
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Even my hate for you is soft
I never owed you that
j.s.
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"For no reason something breaks in me and closes my throat for no reason I suddenly jump leaving the writing half done for no reason in a hotel lobby I dream standing for no reason the tree on the sidewalk hits me on the forehead for no reason a wolf howls at the moon angry unhappy hungry for no reason the stars come down to swing on the garden swing without any reason I see how I will be in the grave for no reason fog and sun in my head for no reason I cling to the day that begins as if it would never end again and every time it's you that rises from the waters."
Nazim Hikmet
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so i found all my old photos from my very first relationship (2020-2022) and holy shit i miss it so much. Ive always compared everyone to him and no one comes close. We were so damn happy and perfect when it was good. Soo goofy, cute, affectionate, content and did so many things together. Watching our videos I’ve never been as happy and in love as i was back then, and he was so obviously in love with me. I know we were ultimately wrong for each other, but my heart still hurts for him . No one ever compares to him. I would kill to go back to one of our nights together .
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I cut deep into this shallow heart
put down the heavy armor covering this shoulder
tired of having a weighty heart
you take all the hidden flame inside
left me with a little drop
in the distance I wonder
consider the odds in notions
seek the heart of yours in shadow
eventually, it ain't real
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11.05.23
Es schon fast Vier
und ich kann wieder mal nicht schlafen,
Kopfkino, wenn ich dran denk,
wie sich unsre Blicke das erste Mal trafen.
-plottwistedstory
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