I should have kissed you
Just like I wasn’t scared at all
The moment felt right. The soft sigh you made when I pulled you close... the way you held onto me for a little longer.. The way you didn't pull away from my hand on your waist... the way you looked at me, your face beaming from the radiant light of your beautiful smile....
But I didn't... I told you goodnight, and I went back to my car, sat there for a moment and beat myself up for being a coward, debating whether or not to try it.
But I didn't.. I backed out and drove home, kicking myself the whole way, all the while already missing you in my passenger seat..
I don't want to ruin this.
I feel something building here, and maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right. Regardless, I'm trying to be patient.
Every time we jump into the deep end, it never works out.
Patience is key.
If you want your ship to sail, you have to make sure it's built proper. Otherwise before you know it, you'll find yourself sinking.
I wanna sail through the stars with you.
I can only hope you want the same...
I am so sorry.
I don’t know what to say, because nothing will ever make what we’ve done to each other OK. Thank you for trying, in whatever way you could, whatever that means. If I could, I do it all over again. You were my best friend, for so long. I can’t imagine life without you. I don’t want to. But after everything that’s happened, I know it’s the best thing to do. I love you so much. I love you more than I love myself. I’d give my life for you. I’ve wanted to… At times. I thought that if we weren’t together, I’d rather die than be without you. But starting now, I have to pick myself. I’m sorry for taking the things I have. I’m starting over again, and I have to take care of myself. There’s no way we walk away from this without you hating me. And that makes me not want to be alive. I don’t hate you, I can’t. This was our home. And the good times truly did surpass the bad.￼￼ I could go on and on about how I’ve never laughed so hard with anyone else. I’ve never been so comfortable, so goofy. How one minute we could go from being smooth and sexy, to gross and silly. The funnest love. I smile just thinking about you tickling me until I scream, or me trying to tickle you. I’ve never had that with anyone, who knows if I ever will have it again.￼
I found the letter you wrote me. And I can’t stop myself from crying when I read your words: till the wheels fall off. I don’t know when or where, but we rode this thing till they sure fell off. I want you to know, I do not think this is all your fault. It does take two, and I could’ve done better. I am so sorry. I can’t say sorry enough. I hope one day you forgive me. For the things I’ve done, the things I’ve said, the ways I’ve hurt you. I promise you, I never want to hurt you ever again. You have never deserved that from me, and I’m so sorry. I never want to see you hurt or cut down. You are so much stronger than that. You will let go of me, and you will move on, and I hope we can see each other in the future and smile. I will always welcome your hugs, as long as you want to give them to me. I will hurt and I will cry, but I hope I eventually heal.￼￼
I’m sorry. Please start over, and do it better than we ever could have. I hope I can see you, Axel, and especially Gunner. My three guys. I hope you know how hard I loved you, how hard we both loved… To the point of crazy. But man did it feel good. The highest highs. And yes, the lowest lows. I will never love someone the way I love you. Never again. It will never be possible. And I don’t want it with anyone else.￼
Thank you for this home. Thank you for our family. Thank you for making me laugh until I peed. Thank you for letting me be weird and crazy. Thank you for holding me every night we slept together. Thank you for exploring new parts of ourselves together. And thank you for loving me as best as you could. It truly was worth dying for. I will love you for the rest of this lifetime, and every single one after. I hope I can see you soon. Just to have you in my life in someway will be the greatest blessing. I love you more than anything. I am so sorry. I love you with every ounce of me, and I always will. I promise I am here for you - pinky promise. However you want me, I’m here. I love you more than I can even explain. I love you. Lifetimes.￼
P.S. I hope I see you at the gym, or taco truck. And know that I will never say no to a donut date.￼
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WHEN YOU ARE IN TRUE LOVE!
WHEN YOU ARE IN TRUE LOVE!
When you are in true love, you tend to be losing yourself. Every moment, every second. You feel things are going out of your control and your heart simply beats making you feel conscious and possessive about your relationship. Even if you don’t want to get into it, you will be slogged in by your heart. Even if your relationship is harming your personal n family life, you tend to somehow manage…
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The first text
The first phone conversation
The anxiety, the unfamiliar
The first date
The first kiss
The hope, the excitement
So many firsts that we do over and over- for some
While others nail it the first try
Without hope the longing will always be there.
Put yourself out there they say... where the fuck is out there?