#i’m in such a bad headspace but idk what to do it won’t go away!!!!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

elysianslove · 3 years

Note

oh boy idk if you’ve ever talked about this before (i’m new to the blog, and you’re so very talented!!! you make my dumb horny heart just 🦋🦋) BUT what are your thoughts on which of the haikyuu boys are best/worst at being edged? like who’s begging and crying after 20 minutes and who’s able to hold out for hoouurrs before getting just a touch whiny. i. need to know. for science 🤲🏼

thank you so much!!! welcome to the blog my love 🥺 but omg. thoughts. so many.

HAIKYUU BOYS THAT CAN HANDLE EDGING

matsukawa issei; he’s purely holding out this long out of spite. as if he has something to prove, which he very much does. he’s barely bucking up into you, trying his best to hold his pants and his hisses from how borderline painful this is, but you can see how tense he is. his abs keep spasming, his biceps flexing as he fists the sheets. he keeps his legs spread for you though, lets you suck at his cock, fondle his balls, stroke at the base and squeeze at the tip with your much smaller hand. he lasts a good an hour and 10 minutes. honestly, genuinely impressive. he won’t let you get off easy though, good luck with that.

oikawa tōru; originally, i’d think he’d be so bad at this, but honestly, oikawa’s orgasm control is so impressive? even when he’s fucking you, he’s lowkey edging himself because he always holds off until you cum. so letting you edge him isn’t too much of a problem. he definitely cries and begs like a bitch, but he lasts, oh he lasts. approximately 35 ish minutes. definitely cums without warning and without permission, and you can’t decide whether he did it on purpose to piss you off or because he genuinely couldn’t continue. it’s okay, just overstimulate him till he’s crying all over again. tōru’s a very pretty crier, after all <3

kita shinsuke; oh my god, the best boy. he’d last days if you asked him to. he’ll be quietly, as quietly as he can, panting and whining and groaning, silent tears streaming down his face every time you pull away from his cock. every time he bucks his hips up, it’s followed by a trail of “sorry, sorry, m’sorry,” that it’s just so adorable. has you cooing at him, soothingly rubbing at his thigh and murmuring that it’s okay, that he’s doing so good. he lasts around 45 minutes, but when he cums, he promises to do better next time, to last longer. anything for you <3

sugawara kōshi; this fucking masochist. he likes it. he likes the pain. probably was the one to suggest it to you. he sits between your spread legs, back pressed to your chest with your hand stroking his dick from behind. you stroke at him until he’s so close and pull away, watching as his cock bobs desperately, and he moans for it. he’s so vocal about it, begging and pleading, but when you go to ask him if he wants to cum yet, he tells you, “no, no, i can— more, more.” he lasts 2 whole hours. it’s like, kind of scary. he does pass out after and actually scare, but he gets up a minute later with a cheeky smile like, “again?”

miya atsumu; like oikawa, he will cry and sob so fucking much, and he’ll make such a mess, but god, does he last. atsumu thrives off of praise, and having you tell him how good he’s doing for you, such a good boy, atsumu, all for me? has him drooling for it. both him, and his cock. he’ll get a little dumb halfway, almost just letting you use him, but he does whine a lot, crying and pleading for you to let him cum, but it’s all bark and no bite. it barely has anything to it. i firmly believe he’d be one of top, lasting around an hour and 30 minutes, just because atsumu gets so lost in everything, including giving up control.

kuroo tetsurō; another one to last mainly out of spite. he wants to prove to you it’s not much, it’s not that bad, it’s easy work. you quickly make him eat his words by the third time you pull away, and it just dawns on him that he’s the one that put himself in this position in the first place. it’s no one’s fault but his own, and because he doesn’t wanna seem like a coward, backing out so quick, he lasts at least 30 minutes, and gets through it without begging, only spitting out curses and panting and groaning deeply.

akaashi keiji; sweet boy keiji definitely lasts, all for you. he’s not too vocal either, just light curses to himself, muffled moans, broken, bitten down sobs. he genuinely does love to let you have your fun with him, because submitting to you is just so satisfying. and i can see akaashi loving edging so much because of how good the orgasm that eventually comes is. like the moment you give him permission to, he’s seeing stars, and it’s why he lasts as long as he does, why he tries to push for longer. he lasts a good 45 minutes, and he’s been trying to beat that record for a while now. don’t worry, he will.

sakusa kiyoomi; is so fucked out, so far gone, to the point that you don’t even think he’s in control of his own body anymore. even if you told him to cum, he wouldn’t. he’s so deep in this headspace of being under your control it’s incredible. it’s mesmerizing. he looks so pretty, cock so red and wet and hard as ever, painfully so, against his pale skin, twitching and bobbing and begging for attention. he lasts 40 minutes. it’s the most gorgeous 40 minutes of both your lives.

asahi azumane; so good! such a good boy!!! doesn’t last so long, but definitely tries his best for you. it’s some 20 or so minutes in that he cums, but he immediately starts chanting out apologies, begging for you to forgive him, to give him another chance. he continues to try until he can last so long, but it’s the fact that he’s willing to that has your heart soaring and your body heating up.

HAIKYUU BOYS THAT CANNOT, WHATSOEVER, HANDLE EDGING

bokuto kōtarō; baby boy is crying 10 minutes in. he can’t handle it. if you tie him up, he’ll rip through them, flip you over, and fuck into you till he’s filling you up. he won’t even try. he watched a porn video where a person lasted an hour and thought, oh must be worth it, and asked you to try it on him. just. it’s just not for him. he prefers the pain of overstimulation over edging, forever.

iwaizumi hajime; please he lasts like 2 minutes. he just hates it so much. on him, at least. he can edge you for hours, and he’d the most satisfied man on earth. but sit between his legs and tease him by sucking at his cock, only to pull away just as he’s about to cum? somebody clearly has a death wish <3 but do bring it up and ask to try it! he still won’t last lol. but make him last. watch him cry. make iwaizumi hajime cry. make him. it’s beautiful.

kageyama tobio; mannnn kageyama can cum untouched, hands free, if you really tried. grind down against him for a minute and he’s cumming in his pants for you. he has no concept of orgasm control whatsoever, and if you tried it on him he’d just get angry at you??? like fine no sex for u tf. he lasts a good 5 minutes, so good for him or whatever.

kozume kenma; he wants to last. he wants to. but you have him crying, sobbing, 20 minutes in, and he just unintentionally spills down your throat without warning. of course, you’d felt the twitch of his cock, but you’d wanted to see where his head was at exactly. after he came, he felt so humiliated, but he still forced eye contact with you and went, “do it again. i’ll last an hour this time.” like ok no problem for me :)

ushijima wakatoshi; doesn’t realize he’s being edged, and when you pull away just as he’s about to cum he sits up and stares at you with a deadpan face like, “that was not very nice of you.” he just. finds it boring honestly. he doesn’t want to drag something out like that for so long. he indulges you, sure, but for like 3 minutes, before he’s like alright time to fuck you.

hinata shōyō; hinata’s just way too overexcited. he really does put his mind to it, but i think he gets too in his head about it that he just ends up cumming right away. but it’s a ruined orgasm, cause you pull away just as he’s cumming, so it’s so not satisfying, but for some reason, hinata loved it? so yeah, lasts 0 seconds, but discovers new kink!

HAIKYUU BOYS THAT CAN, BUT JUST DON’T WANT TO

suna rintarō; oh he most definitely can. you cannot convince me he wouldn’t be able to. as much as suna is lazy, he’s just as impatient, and he can barely handle how foreplay seems to drag on forever. he wants to be inside you, and he wants to be inside you now. it’s ridiculous. if he could though, he’d last a good hour probably. he just really doesn’t want to.

daichi sawamura; could 100% do it if he really put his mind to it, but just. why? what’s the point of not orgasming? he just doesn’t get it </3 you can try to convince him by making him do it on you, but chances are he’s gonna realize how much he loves to do it to you only. daichi’s so possessive it’s crazy, and he gets this mischievous glint in his eye whenever he realizes how good something makes you feel, especially if it’s pain. he is a dangerous man.

miya osamu; most definitely would be able to last hours, but again, he just doesn’t want to. it’s also not one of those situations where he prefers overstimulation either. like osamu’s plenty kinky, sure, but those two aren’t what cross his mind when you say, “let’s change things up a bit.” it’s not that he gets bored of it either. he just. doesn’t wanna do it. like he can spend time making you feel good, and vice versa, with way more different things. and he seems like a very in the moment guy, like choking you in the moment or making you squirt. yk :)

satori tendō; oh tendō loves edging, just on you. he never really gives you a chance to ever try to with him, honestly. he just loves, loves, loves to edge you, but not because he wants to purposefully hurt you, but rather to praise you, to tell you how good you are for him, to make you feel so good when he finally lets you cum. if you were to edge him, he’d honestly probably last over two hours. like not even exaggerating, he probably would. but no, you’re more fun!

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weebswrites · 3 years

Note

Heyy! I recently came across your blog and a absolutely love your writing! 🥰

Would it be possible to request an angst hc with the Obey me brothers? So maybe the bros were having a bad day and they lash out at the MC. The MC leaves them alone and the brothers don’t hear from them for hours and think MC just doesn’t want to talk to them but in reality MC got attacked and is barely alive. And maybe MC summons the brother with what little strength they have left so the brother is met with an MC laying in front of them almost dead.

Ah I’m sorry I know this is a lot so feel free to ignore this if it’s too much! Have a good day :D

A/N: YES YES YES I LOVE THIS THANK YOU ANON

The Demon Bros Saving Your Life (this will have swear words and light descriptions of violence so if that makes you uncomfortable read at your own discretion pls I love u guys)

Lucifer

“MC, please just leave me alone” he spat, trying to stay calm but losing his patience quickly

“Lucifer, I’m not letting you shove me away. You can do that to your brothers, but not to me” you insist, remembering your conversation where he said to ignore him when he tried to push you away

“I’ll do what I want to you, human, don’t forget your place” he boomed, so loud your eyes reactively filled with tears

“Fine, do what you want” you mutter at him before storming out, slamming the door behind you

He knew he fucked up, but wasn’t in the headspace to chase after you, so he stayed in his office and worked. He’d apologize later

You ran out of the HoL, just wanting to be out of Lucifer’s reach for a bit. You decide to go to Purgatory Hall to visit Simeon, your best friend outside of the HoL, but take the scenic route there to clear your head a bit and calm down. Before you know it the sun is setting, and figure you should get to Simeon’s sooner rather than later.

“Hey, aren’t you Lucifer’s bitch” you hear from an alleyway, and suddenly you’re just as annoyed as before. But you know better than to engage with any demons that are egging you on like that, so you keep walking

Then you’re grabbed from behind and slammed against a brick wall, hitting your head roughly against the surface

“Fuck” you exhale, vision already blurring

“Think you can ignore me, human? You’re weak here, nothing” the demon drove a fist into your stomach, causing you to cough

“I’ll show you not to come back to the Devildom ever again, filthy human”

By the time he was done you were a bloody mess crumpled on the ground, in the fetal position to protect your vital organs as much as you could, but you felt yourself losing consciousness

The demon spat on you before leaving, laughing as he walked away. Your body was in so much pain, and you felt yourself losing your grip on reality

You could felt your lips moving as your vision turned to black, and your last coherent thought before blacking out was realizing you were summoning Lucifer

“I...summon the Avatar of Pride...” you inhaled as much as you could, but his name came out a whisper, “Lucifer”

You saw his legs appear before you lost consciousness, thankful you were actually able to summon him

“What the fuck” was his first comment, as he didn’t see you at his feet, but as soon as he did he felt his heart shatter

“MC! Fuck, MC. MC?” he shook you very lightly, and when you didn’t respond he went into overdrive. He picked you up gently in his arms after examining where you were most badly injured, as to not make anything worse

He was in demon form from the moment he saw you, wanting as much of his strength at his disposal as he could have. He flew you to the nearest hospital (idk if there’s a hospital in the devildom but there is now) and demanded you be placed in the best care possible, and also made it very clear that he wasn’t going to leave your side

He watched as doctors sewed your wounds closed and put an IV in your arm, unable to take his eyes off their every move. After a few hours, the doctor turned to Lucifer

“They should wake up within a few hours,” the doctor said before leaving

“Thank you. Please mail the bill to Lord Diavolo and I’ll take care of it” he said, figuring that was easier than having to fill out the HoL on paperwork

He was then alone with you, and he scooted his chair next to your bed and took your hand in his, holding it gently

“I’m so sorry, MC” he whispered and pressed his lips to the top of your hand as he tried not to cry

He sat there for what felt like hours, but just twenty minutes passed before he felt you move slightly

Your eyes fluttered open, and you took a moment to adjust to the lights

You felt warmth around your hand, and recognized it instantly, looking to your side and locking eyes with Lucifer

“Luci” you whisper, voice hoarse from not having used it for hours

“MC, I’m so sorry” his voice was soft and you could tell how distraught he was, “I never should have snapped at you, it was out of place and rude and I’m sorry” he rambled on like this for a minute, and you just appreciated his genuine care for you as you listened to him speak

“Lucifer” you cut him off, “Thank you for taking care of me. I forgive you”

Mammon

“Just get a job! Then your brothers won’t shit on you all the time” you suggested. Mammon had come to you venting about how some of his brothers had ganged up on him again and demanded that they pay him back. You were more understanding than you probably should have been with him, but wanted him to be proactive and get himself out of this on his own

“It isn’t that easy! Damnit MC, I thought you understood me!” he snapped, and you decided you should just let him cool down

“Look, Mammon. I’m always here for you with this, but you can’t keep complaining about this and not doing anything about it when there’s an easy solution. I have to go study with Satan for a test we have, so I’m going to go meet him. Text me when you’ve calmed down”

You meant it to be caring, but his mind was clouded, and he took it as you pitying him and running away - his greatest fear

“Fine!” he huffed, turning his back to you

You were saddened by this, but genuinely had to go, so you turned and left, thankful for the bit of time that you knew Mammon needed alone to clear his head

You were walking to the library, in the middle of a text to Satan when you accidentally bumped into another demon

“Shit, my bad” you apologize, but the demon had no intention of letting you get away with that

“A human, eh?” he grabbed your shirt collar and instantly drove a fist to your jaw

“What the fuck” you tried to say, but couldn’t really speak

The demon punched you a few more times, and you thought that they had the strength of Beel with how much it hurt

Your body was tossed to the ground and kicked before being abandoned, and you wished you didn’t take the back way to the library

“I summon the Avatar of Greed, Mammon” you whispered, hoping your words were enunciated enough for the summoning to work

“MC!” he noticed you instantly, crouching down and putting a hand on your arm, “MC what happened. Wait don’t talk, can you stand?”

You began to sit up, which he took as a yes, and he wrapped his arm around you to help you stand

He studied your injured face as you stood, and wished he had the power to heal you instantly

“Come on MC, the hospital is close”

“T-Text Satan I’m not coming” you handed him your phone, not wanting Satan to think that you ditched him

Mammon exhaled a laugh through his nose, “You’re always thinking of others, MC” he commented, “We really don’t deserve you”

You just shook your head, feeling like you didn’t deserve the joy the demons brought you

Mammon stayed by your side until you were completely healed, which took a few weeks. He even signed up for a job with Akuzon DC. It was the most selfless you’d ever seen him, and you thanked him for his kindness once you were healed with a gift card to his favorite store

Leviathan

“Just stop! I get it, you have other friends, I don’t care. Go have fun with them” he snapped. Levi hadn’t slept in about 48 hours and you could tell

“Levi, please sleep. I’ll be back in a few hours” you try to comfort him, but he isn’t hearing it

“Whatever, MC”

You’re hurt by his attitude, but know he’s just exhausted. You turn to leave and plan to head back to him a bit sooner to spend extra time with him (quality time love language lookin demon) (also the avatar of envy but that’s not as funny of a joke so)

You were planning to meet with some classmates to study, but you ran into a demon on your way that had been bullying you for being human for the whole semester

You hadn’t told any of the brothers because you didn’t want to make a big deal about it, but you were worried suddenly what the demon would do to you outside of the school grounds

“Hey, it’s the human” she snarled, stepping in front of you to stop your path

“Sorry, I’m busy” you tried to walk around her, but she had no intention of letting you go unscathed

“Not so fast” she stomped her foot over yours to stop you and shoved you back against a light pole nearby

You felt the cold metal slam against your spine and grunted in discomfort

“Can’t take a little pain? That’s too bad” she said, taking you by your shirt and throwing your body on the road

She kicked your body for what felt like minutes while spitting insults at you, before leaving your weakened body on the ground

You tried to get up once she was gone but screamed in pain, not able to move a muscle

“I summon the Avatar of Envy, Leviathan,” you said, tears starting to run down your face at his name

“Levi, Levi please, help me” you whispered as he appeared

“MC, I’m here” he kneeled down beside you and inspected your body, “I’m here, don’t worry”

“Levi” your hand tightened around his jacket, “Help”

He picked you up, maintaining your position in his arms, and took you to the hospital as fast as he could while keeping you comfortable

He stayed by your side as much as he was legally allowed to while the doctors cared for your torso and x-rayed your foot. After a day or so you were allowed home, and he insisted that he stayed by your side until you were completely healed

Satan

“MC, I’ve asked you eight times to leave me alone, I’m clearly trying to read, can’t you take the hint?” he sighed exasperatedly and waited for you to leave, not intending his words to be so harsh but he figured you’d be fine

You were not fine! What the fuck Satan.

“Fine, screw you then” you retorted and left, slamming the door behind you

He realized that you weren’t fine, but wanted to finish his book. Then he’d apologize. But when we went to your room later that night to talk, you didn’t answer.

“MC, come on, open up. I’m sorry for earlier, can we just talk?”

Beelzebub was walking by, “I haven’t seen them since this morning, they left the house crying” he said awfully casually, “I never saw them come back”

Satan felt the blood drain from his face and he ran out of the HoL, ignoring Beel’s “I’m sure they’re fine now!” from behind him

He barely made it out of the doors before he was summoned, and he was confused before he realized the only way he could be summoned was by you

As soon as he was there he saw you, thrown against a dumpster, barely able to hold yourself up

“Satan” you called, voice weak, and he was at your side in less than a second

He stood in front of you and you got on his back, wrapping your arms over his neck

“Tell me what happened. Who did this” his voice was firm and you could almost feel the anger radiating off him

You muttered a name under your breath before resting your head on his shoulder, trying everything you could to not pass out

“Satan, talk to me. I can’t stay awake”

That scared him, so he walked to the hospital a bit faster, but gently still as to not cause you any extra pain

He started telling you about his book since that was all he did that day, but it ended up turning into a long apology for pushing you away and raising his voice earlier. You would have cut him off but you didn’t have the strength to, so you just listened to his words, noticing the thought he had clearly put into them throughout the day

“Satan-” you started, and he instantly stopped to listen, “I forgive you”

He was silent, a sense of relief and appreciation for you washing over him and he thanked you for your understanding of his anger as you arrived at the hospital

Similar to Lucifer, he demanded you to be seen by the best doctor there was on staff, price be damned. He watched intensely as the doctor checked you out, eyeing them up and down to make sure they were good enough and treating you with the same care he would

Once you were released he had Diavolo send a car to drive the two of you back to the HoL, where Satan had had your room prepared with new pillows (the kind you mentioned liking from his room, as well as new ones of the ones you had), freshly washed sheets and duvet, and a cup of your favorite drink waiting for you (he definitely didn’t bribe his brothers to get your room ready, not that it took much bribing)

In addition, each of the brothers had pitched in to get you flowers and a stuffed animal that you’d mentioned wanting, a few weeks ago. The sight of it all made you tear up, and you wrapped Satan in the tightest hug he’d ever gotten

Asmodeus

“I appreciate you trying to cheer me up, MC, but I just need some time by myself,” he said, and you could tell he was losing his patience

“Are you sure?” you offer one last time before leaving, wanting to make sure he really wanted to be alone

“Yes! I am!” he snapped, and you felt bad for pushing

“Sorry, Asmo. Feel better” you leave and take care to close the door as quietly as you can on your way out

You were having a bit of a bad day yourself, so you decide to go walk around the devildom and let the fresh air clear your head

Which ended up being a bad idea, as you ran into one of the demons that always hit on you in one of your classes.

“Hey, MC, you finally aren’t with any of those idiot brothers” he approached you and tried to touch your arm, but you pushed it away

“Oh, they’re fiesty. I’ll have to teach you a lesson” he spat on the ground next to you and before you knew it he pushed you against a wall and was punching you senseless

It felt like he’d never stop, but eventually it did, and he left you to bleed on the road. You tried to stand up, not thinking your injuries would be that servere, but you couldn’t move. You sighed and closed your eyes, exhaustion suddenly washing over you

You knew you probably had a concussion and some broken ribs, and that you shouldn’t lose consciousness, so you did the only thing you could think to do. You summoned Asmo.

“I summon the Avatar of Lust, Asmodeus” you spoke, and there he was

“MC! Babes, what happened? Where are you hurt” he knelt in front of you and looked over your body

“Ribs...and my head...” you whined, leaning forward for him to take you in his arm

Asmodeus was stronger than you realized, and he picked you up easily and started walking you back to the HoL. “Let’s get you laying down and I’ll call a doctor” he said gently, “Then Satan and I will take care of the idiot who did this”

Until you were healed he was by your side, bringing you anything you even thought of wanting and getting the classwork you missed from your classes

Beelzebub

“Hey Beel, what’s up!” you walked into the kitchen and greeted your favorite demon cheerily

He grunted, usually a sign that he should be left alone, but you wanted some Beel time and figured you’d just be cautious and give him his space

“How was your day” you asked innocently

“Not now, MC. I’m not in the mood” his voice was firm, and you took the message

“Got it, I’ll leave” you said apologetically, and left the kitchen. You were a bit upset by him pushing you away, but knew he just needed space. You decided to walk to get takeout for dinner, and made your way to the restaurant on your own.

That was a mistake. You weren’t even halfway there when you figured later you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time

“Is that a human? Here?” you heard from across the road, and sighed, hoping to get off easy

“Hey, human!” the demons walked over to you and you stopped, deciding to at least acknowledge them so they’d think they could insult you and move along

“Wow, I’ve never met a human in real life before” one of them smirked, “I wonder just how weak they really are”

“I wouldn’t test it, just because I’m a human doesn’t mean I don’t know some demons who would make your lives miserable if you hurt me”

The other demon scoffed, “You’re lying. What demon would befriend a human”

You were getting irritated at the attitude being thrown at you, so you decided to fight back with a little sass of your own, “Lucifer, Satan, Beelzebub, and Lord Diavolo, to name a few” you smirked and crossed your arms

“Bullshit” one of the two demons got in your face, “there’s no way a demon like that would look twice at you”, and before you could begin to think of a comeback you felt a sharp pain in your side

You looked down to see a gash in your side, thankfully seeming to not have hit an organ, but it was still bleeding pretty badly. You didn’t know what to do, but didn’t really have the chance to do much because a few strong punches were delivered to your core immediately after

“Fuck” you mumbled as you crumpled to the ground, and heard the demons laughing as they walked away. You felt yourself bleeding pretty heavily, and knew you wouldn’t be able to make it back to the HoL

“I summon the Avatar of Gluttony. Beelzebub” you said, hoping you remembered how to use your pact correctly

He appeared before you and you let out a sigh of relief, then wincing in pain at your own action

“MC!” he instantly took off his grey hoodie and pressed it to your wound, “There’s an underground hospital close, is it safe for me to lift you or can you walk”

“I think I can walk, but can you keep an arm around me” you ask, and he obviously does

You get to the hospital and are instantly checked in and brought to a care room. Beel holds your hand and lets you squeeze it as tightly as you need as your wound is sewn up, and then the nurses give you pain medication for the next few weeks

You didn’t know the names of the demons who hurt you, but Lucifer found out easily with his many connections, and he and the rest of his siblings, along with Lord Diavolo, made sure that the two demons never so much as thought about you ever again

Belphegor

“Belphie, please let me in” you knocked on his door again, not knowing what had caused him to storm off in the first place

The door opened, but before you could say anything Belphie was talking

“MC, I’m fucking pissed right now, and the last person I want to be around is you” his voice was sharp, and you almost teared up at how genuine his words seemed

“Fine, okay, I’m sorry for trying to help” you responded before turning and running down the stairs from his room in the attic, wanting to give him space but also run away from him

You were going to try not to cry, but as soon as you stepped outside the HoL you couldn’t hold back anymore. Sniffling, you walked to the park nearby to sit at a bench and think. You pulled out your D.D.D. to text Beelzebub and ask him to check up on Belphie, but didn’t even unlock it before someone sat down next to you

You didn’t recognize who it was, and you wiped under your eyes as the demon began to speak

But they didn’t say anything near what you expected. Well, you didn’t know what you were expecting, but it wasn’t to be called a filthy human by a stranger

The demon proceeded to call you names, but you were too mentally exhausted to fight back, so you just sat and listened as they tried to get a reaction from you

“What, aren’t you listening to me? Stupid human” and the demon started punching you. Hard.

You tried to fight back at first, but compared to the strength of a demon you couldn’t really do much. Once you started losing consciousness the other demon left you to sit, laughing at your wounds

You didn’t know what to do, you didn’t want to bother Belphie if he was still in a bad mood, but you needed help. You pulled out your D.D.D. and saw a text from him, reading: ‘MC, I’m sorry. Please come back, give me a chance to explain’

As you couldn’t move, you realized your only option was to summon him, so that’s exactly what you did

“I summon the Avatar of Sloth, Belphegor” you suddenly got nervous, unsure why since you and Belphie were so close, but you knew he’d help you no matter what

“MC? MC holy shit” he sat next to you on the bench and you instantly leaned into him and started sobbing

“MC I’m so sorry, this never should have happen” he had an arm around you

You sniffled, “It isn’t your fault, I was just clearing my head” you reassured him, still hurt by his previous words but not at all blaming him for the other demon’s attack

He brought you back to the HoL and gave you ice packs for the bruises that were starting to surface, making sure you had everything you needed for the next many days until you were healed

--------------------

A/N: This took me longer than I thought it would to write but I also kept taking breaks and had three classes today lol. But here it is !!! I love writing angst hehe so this was really fun

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #lucifer x mc #obey me mammon #mammon x mc #obey me leviathan #leviathan x mc #obey me satan #satan x mc #obey me asmodeus #asmodeus x mc #obey me beelzebub #beelzebub x mc #obey me belphegor #belphegor x mc

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binunus · 3 years

Text

afk | yoon sanha (m)

a/n y..oon...sanha...really do be acting up...also idk why but whenever I think of husband!sanha I can’t seem to write anything which is why I’ve been staring at this request literally for the longest time, but when I think of like just bf!sanha I get so many ideas...is it me? am I just weird?? maybe it’s bc I’m literally not in a headspace to think about marriage or commitment sksksk but uh yeah thank you for coming to my ted talk

{request: anther sanha husband smut please? 🥺 the one u wrote was so good ‘m not a creative person so the plot coulld be as you wish 😼}

→ pairing: idol bf!sanha x f!reader

→ genre: fluff, smut

→ tw: unprotected sex (conceal before you feel loves), reader riding sanha as he’s playing his game oops...and 00 line is on the other end hehe, dirty talk?? well...sanha tried okay, multiple orgasms, slight overstimulation, embarrassment

→ word count: 4k _____________________________________________

*afk → away from keyboard* for all my non-gamers :) I’m not a gamer, I just live with them...

Your POV

You were ecstatic, a little jump in your step as you neared your boyfriend’s dorm. You haven’t seen him in almost a month due to his busy schedule and comeback preparations. You were excited for him and his group, one of the perks of dating an idol member was knowing the secrets and spoilers of his plans long before they were revealed to the public. But with those perks also came the disadvantages of not being able to see your boyfriend as much as you’d like to, or even be open with your relationship in general.

Anyway, you were excited to see him. The text messages, phone calls, and FaceTimes could only satisfy you for so long, seeing Sanha in person was a completely different story. The last time you saw him was before he dyed his hair from black to the sleek dark red that it was now.

As soon as you received the text from your boyfriend asking if you were free to come over, you literally dropped everything that you were doing and got dressed to leave your apartment. You arrived at his dorm within thirty minutes, not wasting any precious time that you could be spending with him.

You were warmly greeted by their eldest, Myungjun’s excited tone alerting the others about your appearance. “y/n! We haven’t seen you in so long!”

You laughed and wrapped your arms around him in a hug, giggling as he lifted your body and shook you around, “I know, oppa! It’s so good to see you! You look so good! I’m excited for your album to come out.”

“Oh you cutie, stop it.” He beamed, patting your head as he set you down. “Sanha’s playing games in his room right now. If you get bored of him, just come find me and I’ll entertain you.”

“Will do oppa,” You chuckled as you bounced in the direction of Sanha’s bedroom. Your heart rapidly beating in your chest as you opened the door, revealing your 6′1 sweet boyfriend who was sitting intently on his gaming chair. You felt the oxygen knocked away from your lungs as he turned his maroon head of hair to face you. You almost had to do a double take from actually seeing his new hair color in person. Sure he’s sent you a bunch of pictures as soon as he dyed it and you’ve seen it through video calls, but wow...was this good looking man really your boyfriend?

He held his hand out to you, smiling as you approached him. He moved the mic away from his mouth before kissing the back of your hand, “Hey baby, I’m just playing a match real quick and then I’m all yours, okay?”

You nodded excitedly and leaned in to press a kiss on the cheek which wasn’t being covered by his headset. Sanha squeezed your hand affectionately before you hopped on his bed, pulling out your phone to pass the time while you waited for him to finish his match. Every now and then, you would look over to observe him and his game. You noticed that even his gaming setup has changed in the past month you haven’t seen each other, he was finally using the light-up keyboard you gifted him for your one year anniversary.

You could vaguely hear his friends through the headset, chuckling at his conversations with the esteemed ‘00 line. You found yourself grinning as Sanha furiously clicked away at the keyboard, even though your boyfriend is a famous idol, at the end of the day he was still just a regular young adult at heart who loved playing games.

You understood that this was probably one of his only ways of de-stressing as of recent, so you were pretty lenient about his gaming habits...

Until one match turned into two, which turned into three, and before you knew it, you’ve been waiting on his bed -- affection-starved -- for almost two hours.

Your lips pursed in annoyance, huffing as you locked your phone and tossed it aside somewhere on his bed, standing to get some water. Sanha turned his head at your movement, his mouth opening a bit in shock as he watched you leave his room. At that moment, he knew your patience was running thin.

You saw Jinwoo and Bin in the kitchen, the two smiling as you joined them. You found yourself pouting as you waddled into Jinwoo’s arms which opened in a welcoming hug. With dating Sanha, you also had the opportunity of getting to know his group, gaining five older brothers who treated you like one of their own. You got babied by the five of them a lot since you were dating their baby.

You let out a sigh as you retrieved a glass of water, resting your head on Jinwoo’s shoulder as you took small sips. You’ve received more affection from the rest of Astro than you have from your own boyfriend during this whole visit so far. Bin cooed as he pinched your cheek, “Why do you look so upset?”

You rolled your eyes as you took another sip, “Sanha’s been playing his game for the past 2 hours, I don’t even know why he asked me to come over if he wasn’t at least going to talk to me.”

Jinwoo gave you a sympathetic smile, patting your head as he nodded, “You know how he is y/n. When he doesn’t have a schedule or practice, he’s practically glued to his computer chair.”

You groaned and finished the rest of your water, placing the glass in the sink before you rested your hands on your hips, “If he doesn’t stop playing after this match, I’m literally leaving.”

The two elder boys laughed, respectively patting your shoulder and rubbing your back. Bin chuckled, “You do what you have to do. You know, scold him for us too. His eyes are gonna go bad from looking at that monitor too much.”

You nodded, asking them to wish you luck as you went back into Sanha’s room. When you opened the door, you noticed his chair turned around so that his back was to the desk, the monitor on the loading screen, and Sanha on his phone. He looked up with that big puppy expression on his face when he knew he’s did something wrong. He quickly placed his phone on the desk, pulling you in towards him as soon as you were in arm’s reach. He gently squeezed your hands as you stood in between his legs, resting your weight on one foot. “I’m sorry, baby.”

You narrowed your eyes in the slightest, “And what are you sorry for?”

“For ignoring you and just playing my game...” Sanha said quietly hugging your waist. He nuzzled his face against your stomach as your hands went up to play with his hair, all annoyance fizzling away in an instant. Damn, he was too cute for you to stay mad at him. You sighed and kissed the crown of his head, “Sanha, we haven’t seen in each other in so long because of your comeback. If you want to invite me over, I sort of hope that we’re spending time together and I’m not just watching you play...is your game really that much more interesting than me?”

He shook his head against your body, his voice muffled as he immediately said no. The tiniest of smiles crept its way onto your face, endeared at how cute your boyfriend was.

And then you heard his best friend through the headset, ruining the soft mood in an instant. “Sanha load up, c’mon where are you?”

You let out a sigh, God dammit Bomin.

Sanha lifted his head to meet your eyes, he sensed your frustration again immediately. You pursed your lips, reading the conflict swimming through his pupils. You knew that he wanted to keep playing, but he didn’t wanna make you mad. And in Sanha’s perspective, he did honestly plan to spend time with you when he invited you over, but then Daehwi asked him to play a round and when he gets immersed in his game, he needs to play until he’s literally sick of it for the day. “Baby..?”

You averted your gaze for a moment in thought, an idea popping into your head. Humming, your fingers twirled a strand of his hair, “You can keep playing, baby.”

Sanha blinked at you in surprise, his eyes widening, “Really? You won’t get mad if--”

“But! I’m sitting on your lap. I haven’t gotten any cuddles from you in at least three weeks and I’m not going back to your bed without you.”

He nodded eagerly, satisfied with the win-win situation. Sanha grinned patting his lap as he spread his legs to give you room. You chuckled, maneuvering your body through the space of his chair as you got seated atop his thighs, both of you face to face. By habit, Sanha’s hands rested at your waist, smiling as he pulled you into a sweet kiss. You felt the butterflies flutter in your stomach at the action, responding instantly. Your lips formed a little pout when he pulled away, your boyfriend smiling cheekily as he nuzzled his nose against yours, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” You said before resting your head on his shoulder, leaning your body weight on his chest as a means to get as close to him as you possibly could. Sanha rubbed the skin of your waist affectionately before reaching for the headset and unmuting himself, “Bomin, I’m here.”

“Hey! What took you so long?”

“Chill, y/n’s here.” He said, glancing at you with a smile, “She can hear you by the way.”

“Yeah so watch your mouth, Bomin.” You said jokingly, turning your head briefly to speak into the microphone. Sanha grinned, pressing a kiss to your cheek as Bomin laughed through the headset. You heard Bomin -- along with Sanha’s other friends -- greet you, chuckling as your head returned to its spot on Sanha’s shoulder.

You let your boyfriend play one match peacefully, still enjoying finally being in his embrace. You closed your eyes, taking in the comforting scent of Sanha’s detergent and let yourself relax for a short while. When he got killed during the first match, his arms immediately wrapped around your waist, squeezing your body tightly as he kissed your temple. You hummed, listening as he watched and conversed with the others who were still alive.

It was then that you noticed the slight new definition of his muscles, the gears in your brain turning as you thought about how to proceed with your plan. Although you were literally on top of him right now, the majority of Sanha’s attention span was focused on his monitor, so you knew he couldn’t sense the growing arousal in your mind.

Early into his second match, you subtly shifted your ass around on his lap, making it seem like you were trying to readjust into a more comfortable position. At the same time, you moved your head to his other shoulder, pressing a kiss to his cheek as you did so. Your boyfriend smiled at you, still oblivious to what you were trying to do.

And then your hands gently started rubbing at his sides, the touch featherlike as you began to press kisses in the crook of his neck. You felt Sanha tense in the slightest as he quickly pressed the mute button on his mic, “Baby...what are you doing?”

“Hm?” You asked not even bothering to lift your head, “I’m kissing you, can I not?”

The male closed his eyes as he let out a muffled groan, his body reacting immediately to your ministrations, “y/n, are you trying to make me moan into the mic while I’m playing with the guys?”

You chuckled dryly as you started to start to suck on his skin, not hard enough to leave a mark because you knew his stylists would literally kill you if you did, but enough for him to get affected. And he did.

Sanha let out a breathy moan, subconsciously tilting his head so that you had more access.

“You ignored me for two hours baby. Since you wanna keep playing your game while I’m here, you’re gonna have to do so while I’m making you feel good. Now unmute and keep doing your thing.”

He bit his lip, narrowing his eyes at you as you moved your ass directly over his crotch, which was quickly getting hard. He was about to say something, but was cut off by Daehwi asking him where he was, Sanha cursing internally as he pressed unmute and responded. You smirked against his skin, still trailing kisses along his neck and intending to move up his jawline -- which had definitely gotten sharper since the last time you saw him.

Sanha tried his best, you could see how hard he was fighting against your temptations. Admittedly, you were a bit impressed with how well he was masking what was going on to his friends.

But you were a brat and you wanted to see your boyfriend’s self-restraint crumble. He managed to get through one match, trying to compromise with you once the display showed the loading screen, “Fuck, baby, I’m done. I can’t play anymore.”

You smiled at him as you got off his lap, going over to lock his door. Sanha sighed in relief, getting ready to tell his friends that he was logging off for the night, until you held your finger up at him, confusion on his features. Casually, you pulled down your pants and underwear, placing them to the side as you leaned down for a kiss. Your hands reached for the waistband of his sweats, Sanha lifting up his hips to help you pull the fabric down his legs.

“You’re gonna play one more game, baby.” You whispered against his mouth, the boy sighing in frustration as you climbed back onto his lap. His cock was already hard from all your grinding, he could not believe you were teasing him like this right now.

You were soaked, you knew that Sanha would slide right in without any resistance. You let out a sharp inhale as you lined yourself up with his cock, burying your face in his shoulder as you sat down in one go. The two of you let out a synchronized groan at the feeling, it had been too long since you last had sex. “Shit, y/n, you’re so fucking tight--I-fuck can’t we just take this to my bed?”

“No,” You said, voice shaky as you tried to calm yourself down from the initial intrusion. “This is payback for making me wait so long.”

Sanha’s hands gripped the meat of your ass, squeezing as he thrusted into you just once, “God, you do realize we’re both gonna suffer if you make me play another round.”

“You’re going to suffer more than I am,” You said devilishly as you unmuted his mic, “Sorry boys, Sanha went to the bathroom but he’s back now.”

He shot you glare, reluctantly removing his hands from your ass as he wore his headset again, “Guys, I think this is gonna be my last game, I’m getting pretty tired.”

“You know, I can’t believe y/n really just let you play with us this whole time. That’s love right there.”

“You’re a real one, y/n!”

“Sanha doesn’t deserve you, y/n!”

You laughed into the mic, sweetly responding to Sanha’s friends as you clenched your walls around his cock, watching with a lustful glint in your eyes at the contortion of pleasure on his face, his teeth harshly dug into his bottom lip to prevent any sounds from escaping.

“C’mon, start game.” Sanha said shortly, the grip on his mouse tightening as you clenched again. You stayed still for the first couple of minutes, letting Sanha adjust and play his game so that his friends wouldn’t be able to tell that something explicit was happening on his side of the screen.

Of course all Sanha could think about right now was the way your walls just sucked him in so nicely, wanting nothing more than to pin you to his bed and fuck into you with no restraints. But he knew that you wouldn’t let him do that until he finished his match, so he tried to focus on completing this game as fast as he could.

He felt himself freezing as you started to kiss his neck again, mentally telling himself to stay calm and not make a noise. As soon as his guard was down, you lifted your hips so that only the head of his cock was in your cunt before slamming your ass down on his lap, a loud slap sounding from the contact of your skins. Sanha lurched forward, a strangled moan fighting in his throat as you tightly clenched your walls, squeezing his cock.

“Woah-are you okay, Sanha? What happened?”

“Y-yeah, I hit my knee against the d-desk,” He stuttered a lie, one of his hands gripping your waist as you started to slowly fuck yourself on him. It was getting harder for you to conceal your moans, burying your face in his shoulder as you tried to chase your high, this position allowing Sanha to hit so deep in your cunt.

His eyes flickered back and forth between the screen and you riding his cock, his legs subconsciously spreading as far as the chair allowed him. Sanha knew it was over for him when you lifted yourself off his chest, your eyes blown wide with lust as one of your hands fisted the bottom of his shirt, the other sneaking down to where the two of you were connected, making contact with your clit. You threw your head back at the added sensation, your mouth opening in a silent moan as you clenched your walls again.

“Sanha, where are you? Why are you standing still--”

“Fuck--AFK guys, AFK!” Sanha said hurriedly, throwing his headset off as he muted his mic. He pulled you in for a searing kiss, moving his lips fiercely against yours as you grabbed at his shoulders. “You’re fucking evil.”

“That’s what you get for not paying attention to me,” You panted against his mouth, sluggishly getting off his lap. Sanha practically kicked his gaming chair back as he towered over you, removing both of your shirts before he pushed you down on his bed. He pulled your thighs open, positioning his cock at your entrance. “Fuck, do you know how hard it was to not fuck you while I was playing?”

You whined as he moved his tip up and down your slit, tapping the head at your sensitive bud. “Now you have all my attention, baby.”

The two of you moaned loudly as he sheathed himself in your cunt, momentarily forgetting that there were five other inhabitants of his dorm. Sanha started a brutal pace from the beginning, thrusting into you with no restraints. Your hands tangled themselves in his hair as you pulled him down for a kiss, muffling your moans against his mouth.

“Mmmf, Sanha--”

He groaned, biting your bottom lip before lifting your thighs so that your legs hung from his shoulder, allowing him to penetrate even deeper in your cunt, “Shit, I missed your pussy baby. You’re fucking dripping on my sheets, God.”

His hands flew to your chest, roughly groping your breasts as he used it for leverage to fuck into you at a faster pace. The sounds in his room were obscene, the squelch of your arousal and the smack of his balls hitting your ass drowning out anything else.

Sanha felt like he was drunk on your cunt, breathing heavily as he tried to get more sounds out of you, your moans music to his ears. He hissed as your nails clawed at his arms, a telltale sign that you were nearing your end. “S-Sanha, I-fuck!”

“Are you close, baby?” He asked authoritatively, his heart swelling as you nodded with a whine, your hands scrambling to feel every inch of his skin. You keened as he called your name, commanding you to look at him as you reached your orgasm.

The tension in your stomach snapped when he snuck a hand down to play at your clit, rubbing it between two of his fingers as he tweaked your nipple, fucking you through your high. Your toes curled in pleasure, legs convulsing as you let out a high-pitched moan. You tried your best to maintain eye contact, but the dizzying euphoria made your lids flutter close, Sanha harshly sucking hickeys in your neck as he too, chased, his high.

He cursed, still drawing circles on your clit as he rutted his hips into yours. You screamed as you were forced into another orgasm, your tight pulsating walls around his cock enough to push him to the edge. Sanha groaned gravelly, his nails digging into your waist as he released his load in your cunt.

Sanha pulled out when he felt his cock fully flaccid, sitting back against his palms as he watched both of your cum leak out your entrance. Your chest heaved up and down as you tried to regain your breath, meeting his eyes from where you laid. Sanha chuckled, kissing your knee before standing to get some tissues, coming back to carefully wipe your cunt clean.

You reached your arms out for him to lay down next to you as soon as he threw the soiled tissue away. He smiled lovingly, joining you on the bed and wrapping his arms around you in a hug.

“Are you upset with me?” He asked cutely, pecking your nose. You grinned and buried your face in his chest, kissing the space between his collarbones. “No, you’re here with me now.”

Sanha giggled, stroking your hair as he tapped his fingers at the small of your back, “’M sorry for ignoring you, baby. I love you.”

“I love you too,” You said, humming as you closed your eyes, sleep slowly overtaking you. He tutted, removing his arms from your body as he sat up, “No! y/n, you have to pee first before you sleep.”

“But I’m tired,” You whined, reaching for him again. Sanha shook his head, gently pulling you up, “Baby, if you get a UTI, you’re gonna hate yourself. Now c’mon, peeing only takes a couple seconds.”

You grumbled as he found one of his oversized t-shirts, dressing you before finding a pair of shorts for himself. You let out a woah as you stood, holding onto Sanha for support as your legs started to wobble. Your boyfriend chuckled smugly, squeezing your waist as you regained your balance, “You good, baby?”

“Shut up.”

The two of you glanced at his computer, which was now at the main screen of the game. “Do you think they heard, baby?”

“No way,” Sanha said, though he couldn’t deny the slight fear in the pit of his stomach if his friends really did hear you and him having sex. “I muted myself...right?”

You shrugged, not really minding before going to open the door, leading the two of you out of his room. Your face flushed, your feet stopping dead in their tracks as you came face to face with the rest of Astro, all five of them giving you and your boyfriend knowing looks as they sat dispersed around the living room.

“Ah hyungs!”

“I really hope you two used protection,” Eunwoo lectured, though you saw the smirk on his face.

“I’m--bathroom--peeing...yeah.” You said embarrassed, scurrying off to the direction of their bathroom, yelping as your legs almost gave in.

“Woah, careful y/n,” Rocky snickered sending a wink in Sanha’s direction. The boys began teasing their youngest as soon as you closed the door to the bathroom, Sanha hiding his face in his hands, “Are you really going to do this every time y/n comes over?? It’s been more than a year!”

“No, we only do it when you two kids are loud as hell.” Bin said bluntly, slapping Myungjun’s arm in amusement. Jinwoo chuckled, lightly pointing a finger at your boyfriend, “You better have this much energy during promotions, Sanha--”

“Hyung!” ______________________________

4-6-21

#woah where did this come from?#im also just obsessed with sanha's part in one and that mayhaps was the inspiration #and also gamer tingz #sanha #yoon sanha #astro #astro smut #astro fluff #astro au #astro scenarios #sanha smut #sanha fluff #sanha au #sanha scenarios #request

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darkveyn · 3 years

Text

【 2 】 an old friend

[prev.] ◂ [m.list] ▸ [next.]

warning : slight angst, mention of character death (oc)

a/n : i’m adding an oc in here for y/n’s past revelation but idk if everyone can relate to it. i hope you won’t find it weird. i feel like i’ll messed this up haha.

walking down the pavement, watching dried orange leaves crunches under your shoes brought a content smile on him.

mitsuya held your hand, fingers intertwined in a perfect fit as he led you to your school. just like any other day, these little moments he gets to see you never fail to make him happy. but today, something just doesn't feel right.

noticing the way your lips tighten into a thin line, eyes lose focus even when you’re looking at his way. mitsuya lightly squeezes your hand to grab your attention, deciding that he should talk to you about it.

“something bothering you?” he said with his eyes still facing ahead, but his soft smile almost never seems to fade. it's always there for you.

you feel bad, grimaced at your poor attempt to hide these bubbling emotions in your chest. honestly, you aren’t quite ready to be confronted so soon.

but you know you had to say something now. because you know if you didn’t, and even if mitsuya－who is always patient and considerate－ doesn't push you for answers, it still lingers in his head.

“i’m sorry,” no, that’s not what you want to say. but it feels right to do so.

mitsuya finally snapped his gaze on your troubled features. but no words coming out of him, still absorbing the shock of your apology for absolutely no reason.

“why? did you forget to do your homework again?” he joked with a deep chuckle after, hoping to lighten the heavy clouds in your headspace, only to find that it didn't work at all.

“what’s wrong?” he pried, with his body facing you this time.

he heard the school bell ring and it's just a few metres away. it's getting late, but he’d still wait for you. he always does.

“remember our date?” you whispered, eyes casted beneath the floor with no emotions.

“u-uh, yeah? this coming saturday. why?” he blinked at his own stuttering, still unsure where this conversation would be going.

you let out a breath, like you're mentally prepared for an important revelation. maybe it is, but you don’t know if mitsuya is ready to know.

“i...actually had plans. way before ours.”

“ah,” he slowly takes in your words before releasing a sigh of relief, chuckling while thinking that it's silly of you to be upset over something like that.

“it’s okay. we can make it to another day!” he reassured you, even though he was really excited about it. never a day has he forgotten his promise to you. it's small but he knows it means a lot to both of you.

“i’m sorry.”

“hey, it’s fine. no worries!” he placed his palm on your tensed shoulder, feeling his touch ease into your nerves, it always helps you stay grounded.

with your eyes shutted, you tell yourself you should stop now. just let it end here. it's not his fault that you're in this state. don't drag him into this. stop.

“i… have somewhere to go this saturday.” it slipped, but you don't want to know if it's unintentional at this point. your eyes turn stone cold for a moment, and it didn't go unnoticed by him.

“can you come with me?”

walking down a line of tombstones was never a pleasant experience, yet it felt too familiar to him.

mitsuya can't help but ponder who exactly you might be visiting as he slowly traced back the entire incident in his head.

he first thought you felt bad for cancelling the date. but that's not enough to cause remorse that disrupted your peace the entire week, right? somehow, mitsuya is not sure if he is ready to find out.

“hey, himari-chan” your voice was way below a whisper, almost dissolving into the winds but it woke him from his thoughts as he noticed you’d stopped walking.

mitsuya stood there, hands full with a bouquet of white lilies that you bought, lavender eyes trained on your agitated expression. wordlessly took note the way you addressed this person, it seems like she should be around the same age as you, if she's still alive.

“oh yeah, here.” you reached out to him, and he instinctively passed you the flowers. the smile he received from you, still pretty as ever, but also the hardest smile he has ever witnessed on you.

“and this is takashi. my boyfriend!” you stood up to sling your arms around his to pull him closer, holding him affectionately as you introduced him to this friend of yours. his fingertips brushed your scalp as you leaned your head against him, silently seeking comfort.

“i kept my promise, right?” your mood quickly fades into that melancholy state again ever since morning. and mitsuya doesn’t like that.

“i'm sorry.” another apology that he's confused. and he’d been wanting to console you but he couldn’t. not when you always slipped away before he could properly hold you.

“i thought of ditching you, you know! i have a date with takashi and you just ruined it.”

the words you spilled are unmatched with that big yet saddened smile you have as you ramble on. and he couldn’t bear to look at it. he wants to stop you. stop pretending that it didn't hurt.

“i don't mind bringing you along on our date.”

“takashi is really nice. i'm sure he doesn't mind.”

“he takes good care of me. he always thinks of me first.”

“if you met him, you're gonna be so jealous.”

mitsuya watched intently, listening to your little conversation, not caring about the fact you're only talking to a piece of stone with a name carved on it.

“if only you're...”

the same phrase he’d thought to himself when he’s reminded of an old friend that has passed. and all it takes was just that for him to know you’re still hurting.

crouching with your head down, crystal beads of tears start hailing down from your face until it hits the crunched orange leaves beneath. sniffles slowly turn into sobbing as you bury yourself away in between your knees.

mitsuya wants comfort you. he knows you need him. he just has to pull you into his embrace, kiss away your tears and whisper into your ears that everything is going to be okay.

but he’s just a second too late.

“that's why i hate delinquents”

taglist [form] : @kamikoii @milkteeboba

#mitsuya x reader #mitsuya x y/n #mitsuya x you #tokyo revengers mitsuya #tokrev mitsuya #mitsuya fluff #mitsuya angst

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goodra-morning · 3 years

Text

WARNING: DEATH MENTION AND OMORI SPOILERS (I WOULD ADD A READ MORE BUT I'M ON MOBILE AND IDK HOW)

I just love OMARI au

and I just got a sudden idea for a bad ending omgnndnz

what if in Omari au bad ending

Headspace Sunny is just floating in the air where you jump off and just raises his arms offering Mari a hug saying that he forgives her and Mari has a choice.

Hug Sunny? or Don't hug?

If you choose Don't hug then like in the original game you can back away but never progress.

If you do hug Sunny then the scene changes to Mari falling to her death as she hugs Sunny tightly possibly not realizing she's falling to her doom too focused to her 'little brother' finally forgiving her and about to go on another adventure like always.

as usual Boen my time plays

yes this won't convey well in the tiny pixels but I'm imagining this in an art form or animation kinda way you know?

#OMARI au #omari au #Omori au idea #omori spoilers #technically?#tw: death #How do these warnings work #bonus for black space: Headspace Sunny turns into the Spirit Sunny horrified of what Mari had done #I would draw this but I'm on art break #I just noticed someone already sort of did this omg

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fairycosmos · 3 years

Note

lmao im actually so desperate to die im considering swallowing two peach pits just to see if i will choke to death because nothing else ive tried has worked so far . you know what my life doesnt fucking matter ill do it. with my luck it wont work i feel im being punished and thats why i cant die. ill do it. if i dont get back to you something happened but i doubt it. im tired like you said i deserve peace. we do. bye maybe i hope this works this is pathetic but im desperate to die

hey, i'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way. it seems like you're totally overwhelmed right now and i completely understand how debilitating that can be. i know there's nothing i can do or say that will really change how awful it feels, and you're probably not in the headspace to read all this. but if you ever want to come back to it, it'll be here. maybe you could try some of these grounding exercises, here / here and here beforehand to get you in a place where you can focus a little. it's alright, there's no rush or pressure. i just wanted to say first of all that this is not pathetic in the slightest. sometimes the world gets on top of you and you go througn so much trauma and hurt that it really does feel like giving up is the only option. people can only take so much, and i get it. that's the trick of the suicidal brain though, i think. it uses life's suffering and your own past experiences to convince you that it is always going to be this way. to romanticize death and make it into something it isn't in your head. it is actually very hard to die, as i'm sure you know. and it's not the peaceful option or escape you're looking for, either. and the most paramount thing i want to say is that your life 100% does matter. this was never up for debate. you were born with an inherent worth and it hasn't went away just because you can no longer see it. you honestly can't fathom how you've impacted peoples lives, directly and indirectly, and even just the world itself. you don't have to be anybody but who you are, i promise, the whole point is just having the human experience you're having. you're fulfilling your purpose by existing, no matter how hard it is at times. i think it's a good sign that you reached out to me, i honestly think it shows that you have a lot of self awareness regarding what's going on and that you're truly capable of asking for the help that you need. you're not in a place right now where you can trust your thoughts and feelings, so it's good to seek an objective perspective from somebody else. this state of mind is so transient, it's so intense that it's not built to last. i'm not trying to downplay how unbelievably hard to live with, of course, but it can be freeing to acknowledge that this is not all there is, no matter how difficult it is to endure currently. you deserve to be here and to exist in a way that heals you, no matter what your mind is telling you. there can be a variety of underlying causes for suicidal feelings, and obviously they're very serious issues that need real medical attention in order to begin to overcome. but with that and with time, it is totally possible to learn to live a full live along side all you've been through. even though right now i'm sure that's the lastthhing on earth you want to do.

are you currently working with a mental health professional of any sort? your doctor, a therapist, a support group, even a hotline? if not, i would really urge you to get in touch with them as soon as possible. and if you already are, let them know where your thoughts are at lately so they can focus on upping your level of care. if you're worried about money, there are cost-effective choics available, like finding a therapist who offers a sliding scale price, or looking into mental health resources within your community. i know your brain is probably screaming at you to do the opposite, but i promise any baby step in the right direction is going to pay off. the prospect of reaching out and being honest is a daunting one, and i'm only bringing it up as something to consider at the moment (or when you feel able to) so please don't write it off all together. you don't have to do anything right now, just know you have options. you honestly do. and talking to someone really is not as bad as your brain is probably building it up to be. just like with physical illness, mental illness can be confronted and treated. it's all about learning how to manage your unique mind, and even if it takes a lifetime, it is so possible to lessen the frequency of episodes like this. or to become more prepared for them so they feel less erratic when they do occur. discussing about what you've been through, pinpointing root causes of your suicidal thoughts, learnng how to implement healthy coping mechanisms into your daily routine, building a support system, finding the medication for you if needed - all of this is going to make a tangible difference. it is not going to fix everything, obviously, but it is going to lighten the weight and broaden your perspective on yourself and on living. you deserve to be supported without judgement and with genuine care, you deserve to be listened to. there are a lot of people, professionals or otherwise, even just strangers like me, who are willing to filling that role for you.

idk how it is for you and i won't pretend to, but sometimes suicidal people don't want to lose their lives, they just want to stop living the way they are. with so much chaos and unresolved pain and exhaustion. you don't have to hurt yourself in order to get there. i know when you're in this mindset, any even slightly positive piece of advice just feels impossible to believe. but even if you can't seriously take it on board at the moment, i hope when you're in a more grounded place, you can at least consider as an alternative to absolute hopelessness. you may as well, because you are alive and that is not always going to feel like a curse. it is so hard to believe it, i get that, but it is a fundamental truth. you are in an extremely difficult moment but that is not your whole existence. the future is ever changing, and you've already made it through the past, so the only thing that really matters is this moment. focus on what you need, not what you want, but what you need to do right now to truly self - prioritize. even if that feels like the last thing on earth you want do. if self destruction and self harm was gonna make you feel better, it would've by now. welcome the idea of trying something new, maybe just the notion of attempting to guide yourself through this with a bit of self-compassion. please, if you feel like you are an immediate danger to yourself, please exercise any sense of self preservation/ survival instinct and call the authorities, a hotline or a friend/family member right away. no matter what bullshit your brain is telling you, no matter how heavy your heart is right now . everything is always always always changing and things are going to change beyond recognition, it's the one thing you can count on. you deserve to stick around to see it all, and once you've made the decision to do so, you won't feel so stuck and conflicted anymore. i'm going to leave some links that i think might help a little in this moment, but like i said, please call someone if you feel you can't be alone right now. i'm rooting for u a lot and i really hope you are able do the right thing for yourself. if it's all too hard, focus on getting through the next hour. if that's too much, the next minute. and if that's too much, the next second. break it down into what you can handle and let yourself live. and then just go from there. sending you all my love.

list of hotlines

coping with depression

coping with suicidal thoughts

so you feel like shit?

template for creating a safety plan

#anon #tw suicide #talking #tw self harm

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skinny-or-die · 3 years

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i’m in such a bad headspace (rant)

this is the worst i’ve ever been. there are so many problems in my life that are just causing me to be so mentally unstable 100% of the time and i don’t know how much more of it i can take.

1. my best friend (and dorm roommate) denounces every little thing i say. everything i say is wrong and everything i do it bad. nothing i do is enough and one of these days i’m going to blow up on her. i don’t want to but i know that one of these days i am if she keeps treating me like absolute shit. she makes me feel so worthless and unloved. best friends are supposed to be there for you and be someone you can talk to, but all she does is make me feel like actual trash and i can’t talk to her about anything because i know she will judge me and just make me feel worse.

2. college is not really what i thought it would be. i had this whole picture in my head of what i thought it would be like and this is just the complete opposite. i definitely made the wrong decision about where to go to school. i’m for sure going to transfer after this year but i’ve been toying with the idea of transferring spring semester because i just can’t do this anymore.

3. being away from my family is proving to be a lot harder than i thought it would be. i need to be closer to them, especially my sister. my family is the only group of people that make me feel like i can relax and breathe. i miss them so much everyday

4. i feel this weight on my chest and i just can’t make it stop. it’s physically hard to breathe and it gets worse everyday. i know it’s just depression and anxiety but i can’t make it stop. i never get a break from it, it’s always there.

5. i feel so unimportant to everyone. i have no support system whatsoever and maybe that’s my fault. my best friend (same person that was the #1 problem) is so outgoing and fun so the friends that we have are only interested in her and i know that. it’s no secret. but since i’m not really getting along with my best friend half the time, i just feel so excluded from our friend group and i know that’s mostly my fault cuz i cause all the problems but still, i hate the feeling i get when i’m with them.

6. i’ve been eating so much lately because i’m so depressed so i’ve been gaining weight and i don’t know how to deal with that. i just get super anxious all the time and i feel so guilty about everything i eat 100% of the time. i feel so fat and ugly so that’s just the cherry on top of all the other problems in my life.

7. i want to tell my family and best friend about my mental health but part of me is terrified that they won’t understand or that they’ll make me feel worse about it. i know my best friend will. like she wants to go out and party all the time and i just don’t have the social energy for that, nor do i really want to cuz my mood is so fucked. so i always say no and she just calls me boring (which is a really big trigger word for me) and she just doesn’t even try to understand.

idk guys, if you read all of that, thank you i really appreciate you. i do need to talk to someone who can help but actually doing it is a really hard thing for me to do. i just hope i’m not alone in any of this. if you’re struggling with any of the same things, please feel free to message me and we can talk about it :)

#mental disorder #mental illness #mental heath support #mental health #depression #anxiety #bpd #bpd things #bpd thoughts #borderline personality disorder #thinspo #college #personal rant #life rant

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lucifers-horror-harem · 3 years

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Kind of in a weird headspace today regarding my writing. Nothing bad or anything involving my writing on this blog, don't worry about that. In all honesty to anyone who is reading this and who reads my fics and sends me asks you're a blessing. You helped me feel better about my writing again. Read more cause it gets long and rambling and I just need to get this off my chest.

I wrote a long fic on my main blog that people who have followed me from that blog will remember. I feel massive guilt over this long fic because it probably will never be finished because of a combination of not being as interested in the fandom/series anymore as well as the comments I got that were always kind of for lack of a better term, "backhanded." Like, telling me how much they loved this fic but also either telling me they didn't like something I was doing with it and how THEY would do it, or telling me they hoped the character and the oc would live happily ever after even though not only was the character a villain, but I made it pretty clear in my fic that the relationship was pretty toxic considering the oc was kidnapped against her will and there was some Stockholm syndrome going on. To this day I get incredibly anxious every time I get an email from AO3 telling me someone commented on the fic because I don't know of it will be a genuine nice comment or a negging one or even a combo of the both. For a long time and even currently it still makes me upset and anxious that I wrote a fic that I worked so damn hard to make sure couldn't be misinterpreted as being anything but a darker fic but it still gets to me sometimes. As someone who has a shit time speaking and socializing irl the thing I rely on the most is my writing. It's how I KNOW I can make my thoughts get across. So when people just wildly misinterpreted the theme of my fic it made me so upset and worried that I was the problem and that I wasn't being clear enough.

I dont talk about this fic simply because I don't want to seem ungrateful. The people I met through this fic that were genuinely supportive, even drawing FAN ART of my OCS (that might i include at least one person outright told me they hated those same OCs people loved because they got in the way of the main pairing even though I made it clear it was a harem/the ocs were never mean or rude to the main character or engaged in any catty behavior), i can never thank the people that loved my work enough. I always feel horrible that if I were to say the reasons why I wanted to step away from the fic it would feel like I was punishing the people that did enjoy it. I could cope with general hate as the character I wrote for got PLENTY of it from the main fandom and I couldn't care about that. But I had a worse time coping with people who told me they liked the fic but not certain aspects of it. I had way more comments of "when is the next chapter" as soon as I posted a fic than people telling me how much they enjoyed it, what their fave moments were, or even hopefully talking about scenes that I was happy and excited about and worked really fucking hard to craft the interpersonal relationships between characters.

Part of the reason I created this blog was to keep my slasher content focused on one place. Another reason was I wanted to escape some of the inevitable "so you dropped this fic huh" (which yes I've gotten a ton of those too). But I'm ultimately glad I created this blog, that I've been a part of the slasher/horror fandom, and that I've met so many good friends here. Genuinely and completely, I thank every one of you. I have had many ruts as a writer, and following that long fic was one of them. I never thought I would get out of that rut till I came to be a part of this fandom. I'm still genuinely shocked that people enjoy my work to the degree they do. That they're willing to scream with me about stinky slashers and thirst over them with me without judgment.

I really want to write another long fic someday. I have a ton of ideas that I'm afraid to commit to just because due to that last long fic I worry if I don't have everything outlined to the most extreme degree that I either a) won't finish or b) people won't like it. I know I will probably get over it but yeah, idk its a thing that makes me so anxious especially as someone who wants to publish original novels at some point when I can get my shit together.

Either way, I know I will probs be fine on this blog. Everyone has been so kind and supportive, and I really appreciate being in a fandom that FINALLY feels accepting and welcoming and doesn't have cliques or cattiness or anything of that sort. It makes me so fucking happy.

#charlotte speaks

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wannaliveattheholidayinn · 3 years

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Alright, now that I've been given a few hours to stew and think and cry and have several breakdowns over the cancellation,,, let's talk about how I found this show, my relationship to it, and why I love this show

Anyone who's interacted with me in this fandom, be it over tumblr or in the discord know I started watching because my dance teacher was an extra in the Help! scene (bc I never shut the fuck up about it). But it did start a little earlier.

I had seen a few ads, on NBC and on YouTube. I thought it looked interesting, but I was in sophomore year, having breakdowns just about every other day, the homework was hard, and there were also reports of the virus. At the time it seemed so far away, but I had a feeling it would arrive soon. So it didn't seem like something I could add to my plate. I thought it would simply become another Good Girls to me (aka a show I really wanted to watch, and still kinda do, but I never really got around to it.) So, watching it kind of fell to the back of my mind. And then... that fateful day.

It was a big deal when the teacher would put on the TV in the main studio. It didn't happen often, and when it did, it always had to do with dance in some way. But my teacher was on YouTube and googling Zoey's. We sat down, I even grabbed my glasses so I could see what we were watching. We picked up at the ladies singing "Whatta Man" which the owner of my studio was howling at. I'm lucky enough that two of my teachers have been involved in Smuin Ballet in San Francisco, one still currently in the company (although she just had a baby and... y'know professional dance is hard in the pandemic.) I'm also lucky enough to have met another former Smuin dancer who was also an extra in the Help! scene. So, my teacher pointed himself and the other former Smuin dancer out, funnily enough, they were similarly dressed. So, the scene ended and we went on with our class. I went home and put on the first episode.

And then... well we all know what happened next. The US went into lockdown, and there wasn't much to do.

And yeah, I had school. I went into the two five pm history classes I had, I still had homework,,, but other than those two history classes and the occasion english class there was nothing... dance had stopped, homework, class, and the workload changed. Suddenly, I was left with a lot of free time. So, continued to watch Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist. For a while, it was Killing Eve and Zoey's Playlist, but then that went away, and it was just Zoey.

(also, yes, I'm aware this isn't linear and in chronological order, but give me a break, my memory is already shit and this pandemic just made it worse.)

In April, I wrote my first fanfiction for the show. It was this small, little piece of fluff that showed a future Zimon and their four kids (four kids, Jesus Christ, what was I onnnnnn). It's already outdated bc of my use of Eddie and not Perry but I still hold it very dear to my heart. It was posted on ao3 on Jun 13, 2020, and was my first fanfic on the site. I've posted more since then, but it's still overwhelmingly zep there, and I currently have two ongoing fanfics. My goal is to become that person in the zep fandom who is known for her works where people perceive Zimon's relationship, in a funny but wrong way (and when I say people, I (mostly) mean Tobin.)

I love Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist. It's made me laugh, made me cry, made me sing along with it, and made me actually fully enter a fandom. I've considered myself in fandom long before Zoey's, but Zoey's actually had me interacting with others. It's technically not my first fandom. I'd say that was Mighty Med, all the way back in sixth grade. But it's the first where I've actively interacted with others and even made an acquaintance (Isabella ily 💗).

Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist had moments that made it hard for me to love it the way I do. There have been some bad writing decisions. I personally don't ship cl*arkeman, even though it's clear they are endgame.

But, I still love it. It was a coping mechanism in a hard time, and I love that it helped me. And I know it helped others as well.

I know not everyone is going to understand my comparison to Cloak and Dagger. They are vastly different shows. But the cancellation... that's what gets me the most about both. They were both canceled in a way where the fandom was going to feel like crap. Both were canceled after two seasons when they had more story to tell. It was done quietly, and there was backlash. Different programs eyed them. The difference is we don't know how this one will end yet. Cloak and Dagger was canceled, and I'll never be the same. I'll never truly be over it. And while I know I'm not in the right headspace to process this cancellation, I think I may be able to find a way. It'll be really, really fucking hard. But I'm slowly getting there with Anne with an E, and I think I could with Zoey's. It was an incredible show while it lasted, and if it's its time to go... I'm glad for the time I had with it and will help keep it going along with others in the fandom. All that being said...

Save Zoey's Playlist

Start petitions (ig, idrk how change.org works), keep it trending on Twitter, let NBC know it made a mistake, and let other streaming services know we're interested in seeing the show go on. It deserves a clean resolution that's not a cliffhanger. Just let these characters be happy in the end.

This doesn't have to be another Cloak and Dagger, or Timeless, or whatever show anyone has felt never got a proper chance to tell its story and end in a satisfying way. It can be another Brooklyn Nine-Nine, or Lucifer, or Friday Night Lights (me, side-eyeing NBC for that one). This doesn't have to be the end. And maybe I'm too late to writing this, maybe it's not trending anymore and it won't trend again, and it won't get picked up. But at least we can say we tried.

This was long as fuck to write, and I could've put that time towards... idk homework ig, or writing the fanfiction I just started, or any of my ongoing two. But it felt it necessary to write this. I don't know why, maybe I just needed to get this shit off my chest. If no one in the fandom reads this... eh, I really can't blame you, it's long as all fuck.

If you did, and you got this far, I love you, I love this fandom, I don't regret my time here, and I hope you don't either. It means the world to me that you read this.

I love you all, and I'll shut up now 💖💗💖💗

#i'm starting a new tag for when i fucking rant #04 rants #there :D #zoey's extraordinary playlist #zoey's playlist #zoeys extraordinary playlist #zoeysplaylist #mutuals i love you please forgive me for this long ass shit

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zwowow · 3 years

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this might be very triggering so its fine if u dont do it, but kells self harming secretly and em finding out and kells thinks he’s gonna be mad but em is comforting instead

sorry for the ask, im the same anon that went thru a break up and it aint going well

tw: self harm

I’m sorry my love, break ups are rough and it really sounds like ur goin thru it. sorry this took a while! but hopefully you’ve had time to heal a bit between sending this ask nd now.

psa to all I’ve never self harmed, so i’m just hoping this captures the idk headspace? alright :/

He started when he was a teenager. That’s how long he’s been doing this shit. It’s fucking shameful that he hasn’t grown out of it in over a decade, but it’s also one of the only things that’s consistently soothed him. When weed isn’t enough to calm him, or shake him from a spiral of self-loathing, he always comes back to this. Not because it makes him feel better, but because it makes him feel something.

He can focus on the pain and only the physical pain. His emotions, the real world shit he has to deal with, can fall to the side for a moment and he can revel in the hurt. The hurt that he has control over.

That’s a part of it, too. Control. So much of the existential pain he feels is beyond what he himself can change. Everyone gets to have an opinion on him, and regardless if it’s good or bad, he has to know it and internalize it. He has no choice. Time moves on and he can’t control what his past self has done, but the regret eats him alive. His head spins when he thinks about all of the shit that’s wrong in his life that he no longer has the power to change.

But the harm he does himself? Knowingly and methodically? It’s all controlled. He’s got it all under control.

Or at least he did. Recently, he’s had the itch to hurt more and more frequently. There’s so much going on in his life that he’s no longer in control of even the one thing that makes him feel grounded. The old scars and fresh wounds are getting harder to hide. Even on his inked skin, raised bumps and sensitive bruises are easy to find when his boyfriend spends all of his time roaming his hands gently over his body.

But Em can’t find out. Colson refuses to let him. He’d think Colson is pathetic (he is). He’d be disgusted by him (he should be). He’d hate him (but he couldn’t hate him more than Colson hates himself).

He tries not to hurt himself around Em because of this, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. Sometimes he needs it.

Colson sneaks out of bed one night at Em’s place while his boyfriend is sleeping. On his way out, he grabs his small bag that has just a few of the items he uses to hurt himself. His fingers shake around the bag and his breath quickens in his chest.

Ain’t it funny that the shame he feels from doing this just makes him want to do it more?

When he makes it to a bathroom far enough away from Em’s room that he doubts he would make the effort to find him all the way down here, he lays the bag on the counter and opens it up.

This hadn’t started with the razor blades and lighters he keeps in the bag. He’s worked himself here from pulling out his leg hair and scratching his own arms raw just to feel the sting. The older and more well known he got, the more out of control he felt, and from there he made the jump from nervous ticks to genuine self harm.

He used to starve himself, too. He thinks back to only a couple of years ago and picks up the lighter. He could go days without eating, even while on tour. There were times where he’d pass out after shows from the hunger, but he’d write it off to others as exhaustion. That had been one of the most pleasing ways to hurt himself. The gentle build up to physical depletion to match what he felt emotionally was fulfilling in a way he couldn’t possibly explain to anyone.

And that’s why he stopped. Em started to catch on. He started to ask questions no one had asked before. He was obsessed with feeding Colson and keeping him healthy.

Colson started eating regularly because Em would’ve hated to know his not eating wasn’t just absent-minded forgetting. He would’ve been so disappointed to find out it was deliberate starvation. Colson didn’t want to disappoint Em.

He still doesn’t. Colson puts the lighter on the counter and takes out one of his blades, too. Em would hate to see this. He wouldn’t understand.

Inhaling shakily through his nose, Colson looks between his two options for tonight. He leaves the blade on the counter and picks up the lighter. Em is sure to notice if he has a fresh cut. A burn is easier to hide.

He flicks the lighter to life and is deciding where to hold it on his body when he hears the first knock.

“Kells.” Shit. He loosens his grip on the lighter and the flame goes out.

What is Em doing out of bed, and what the fuck is he doing down here?

“Kells,” Em tries again, “You good?”

“I’m fine.” He lies.

“Are you fucking smoking in there?” Outside, Em’s voice grows suspicious. He heard the lighter go on and now he thinks Colson is smoking weed in his bathroom. That would be easier to explain.

After too long of a pause he says, “No.”

Em doesn’t give a warning before he throws open the bathroom door. Colson wants to knock his head into the mirror for not thinking to lock it. He dives for the blade on the counter, but Em is staring right at it.

“What the fuck?” Em looks between Colson and the counter multiple times. It’s a stupid overdramatic response, but he wants to slit his fucking wrists from that look.

Em’s brow furrows. Colson feels sick to his stomach. Em is pissed at him. He’s disgusted by him. He doesn’t know whether to throw him out or call a mental hospital. He hates him. He must be so angry.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to find out. I was trying to hide it. I shouldn’t have done it here. I know it’s fucking sick. I know it’s fucking crazy to cut and burn myself, I know but I...” Excuses and apologies trip over each other running off of his tongue.

“You’re cutting yourself?” Em interrupts him. His intense gaze sweeps over Colson. He’s not disgusted or angry like he’d thought. He’s shocked, confused, and even a bit hurt.

“I... yeah.”

“Why?” A loaded question like that shoots Colson right through the chest. Why? He can hardly answer the question to himself, how is he supposed to explain it to Em?

Em said it himself, he was just clownin’ when talking about cutting himself, how fucked up does someone have to be to actually do that? Colson doesn’t want to explain to Em how fucked up he is.

When he doesn’t answer, Em looks back down at the blade and then at the lighter still in his hand. Kells sees the thousands of things he wants to say and the million questions he wants to ask in his eyes. Finally his eyes set, and Kells braces himself for the next thing to come out of Em’s mouth.

“Don’t do that shit tonight, yeah? Just come back to bed.” The response shocks Colson even more silent than he’d been. Does he still want to know why, or is he just dropping it?

As if reading his mind, Em shrugs, “You can tell me why when you’re ready. Tonight, I just want to cuddle your ass.” He holds out his hand to Colson and laces their fingers together tightly when he grabs on. Em tugs him gently out of the bathroom and down the hall back to his room. Colson leaves the lighter and the blade on the counter.

When they’re back in bed, Em holds him differently than he has before, His arm feels weighted, it presses Colson gently down into the bed, unable to move from the hold. Em holds him from behind protectively and breathes into Colson’s neck. It’s so close it’s almost claustrophobic, but Colson wouldn’t pull away from it even if he could. The urge to hurt himself is immediately replaced by the need to burrow in closer to Em’s grounding touch.

He falls asleep easily, letting the last of his shame and fear at Em’s reaction leave his body without a fight.

In the morning, he goes to clean his stuff up in the bathroom, or to throw it away, but not to use it. When he gets there, the bag, the razor, and the lighter are nowhere to be found. Instead of being anxious at the loss, he feels a bit calmed by it.

This isn’t the end. He won’t be able to stop hurting himself just because Em got rid of a few of his blades and one of his many designated lighters, but it is a start.

Em knows now, he’s looking out for it. And if the way he always acts toward him, from the making sure Colson is eating to the cuddle last night is any indication, he’ll be there when Colson needs it. He’ll take care of him.

#Anonymous #emgk #zwowfic #kind of a rushed ending #but i hope u liked it bebs #also like askbox nd messages are always open for those who wanna talk #tw: self harm

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kageyuji · 4 years

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sfw alphabet for Kirishima?

Taglist: @transmantrash @rycbar-221b @squeaky-ducky

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

*pats roof of kirishima* this sweet boi can fit so much love inside

He’s pretty affectionate, although he makes sure to ask before any PDA or the first time he goes to touch you (even if it’s hand holding or a hug)

I can see him burying his face in your neck a lot

He’s a sucker for domestic life, but we’ll get into that later

All in all, he’s pretty affectionate

I feel like his love language is a mix of physical touch and acts of service

Of course, he gives his fair share of the other love languages, but those two just stood out to me

He loves physical affection, he’ll occasionally just pull you into his lap and bury his face into your back/the crook of your neck

And he just kinda wraps his arms around your waist and holds you close

He also loves doing things for you

Like standing up for you, helping you with homework, or getting you gifts

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Sunshine boi

He’s so nice as a best friend?

Like of course he’s nice but the ingredients in a Kirishima is just kindness and adorable obliviousness (is that a word? Idk)

He’s probably one of those people that stay up until midnight so he can be the first one to wish you happy birthday

He’s somewhere between the funny friend and mom friend

Like I can see him having band-aids on hand at all times

And making sure you’re drinking water, eating, and resting when you’re supposed to

But at the same time he’s the friend that makes a joke in most situations

He’s pretty optimistic, so even in battles he’s trying to smile and make you smile, just so you don’t feel discouraged

Kiri would definitely call you at like 4 in the afternoon just to say he missed you and ask if you wanted to hang out

Speaking of hanging out, he’d also FaceTime you or go to your house just to kinda enjoy your company without actually having to talk to each other

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again

Kiri loves cuddles

He is an absolute cuddle monster and no one can convince me otherwise

He doesn’t really care how, he just wants to be close to you and hold you

He especially likes putting his head in your lap and letting you absentmindedly play with his hair

Another favorite is just like,, engulfing you lmao

He likes to hold you against his chest with his arms around you

It makes him feel really manly

Like he can protect you from anything

The Confidence(tm) it gives him

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Absolutely

He’s not one of those ‘trophy wife, white picket fence, 2.5 kids’ guys necessarily

But he’s a sucker for domestic life

in the fact that he likes waking up a little before you and seeing you walking into the kitchen with messy hair, sleepy eyes, and pajamas still on

Kisses, even though neither of you have brushed your teeth yet and you’re half asleep

He’s actually pretty good at cooking

He’s weirdly good at cooking pancakes, I can’t explain why he just is

Blueberry pancakes, chocolate chip pancakes, strawberry pancakes, they’re absolutely perfection whenever he cooks them

He is not that great at cleaning though

He tries, don’t get him wrong, he tries

Kiri also really likes lifting you up off the ground when you hug

Or waking you up with light kisses all over your face

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Honestly I can’t think of a reason why he would break up with them unless it was a matter of their safety/happiness

Or they did something really wrong/the relationship was toxic

But anyway, he’d go about it really cautiously

Because like I said, he wouldn’t do it because he lost feelings or something, he would still probably love you and not want to break your heart

Even if you broke his heart

So he’s gonna sit you down at a time when he knows you’re in the right headspace

He’d politely explain to you why, trying to phrase it the best way he knew how to

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

I’m gonna be honest he’s ready for commitment pretty early on into the relationship

He gets attached pretty quickly, and when he does he gets insanely attached

But if he doesn’t feel like you’re 100% ready he won’t ask for your hand, and even after he does think so he’ll wait a long while just because he doesn’t want to rush anything

He has no problems with commitment, he likes feeling like he belongs somewhere

It makes him feel wanted in the same way he wants to be close to you all the time

He would die if you called him your husband/fiancé

Also, he calls you mr/mx/mrs Kirishima all the time and the smile on his face will not fade for the next few hours

After you agree to marry him, he wants to schedule the wedding as soon as possible

Obviously, he doesn’t want you to feel like he’s rushing things, but he’s just so happy that you wanted to actually marry him

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s gentle both physically and emotionally

Well, he tries to be physically gentle

He sometimes forgets his own strength or accidently turns his hand or something hard

But mostly he’s pretty gentle

and if he does hurt something/someone, he always makes sure to apologize and help fix whatever damage he’d done

And he feels so bad about it, the poor sweet babie

I can’t see him being rude to anyone, like ever lmao

I mean, you saw him feel bad for the guy who was trying to attack him in that one episode right?

Emotionally, he is very gentle

He’s very sweet, always offering his S/O compliments and doing sweet little things for them

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

The man loves hugs ok

And you know he gives good hugs

Like the ones where you’re kind of trapped in his embrace but it’s not like you’re complaining because you just feel so safe

But if he’s excited or hasn’t seen you in a while, it’s bone crushing

^^ He sometimes forgets his own strength, and therefore hugs just a little too tight when he isn’t paying attention

Also, he picks you up to hug you during those instances

He hugs...a reason amount?

Wait what’s a reasonable amount I’m touch starved

Like it’s not like he is hugging you every few minutes, but it’s not like he never hugs you

Maybe once when he first sees you, or when the two of you are parting ways

And he also hugs for comfort, but we been knew

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Oh, he says it the second he knows for sure

Although, it might be at a seemingly random time

Like you’ve just cracked some dumb joke and it suddenly hits him

And he just kind of blurts it out whether you two are alone in the room or not

Or maybe he can’t sleep one night, his mind is running crazy, and he realizes he can’t sleep because he’s thinking about you

And he texts you at 2 AM to tell you because for him it’s so important that you know in that instant

He doesn’t even care if you’re awake to respond, he needed to say it before he could sleep

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He gets a more insecure type of jealous

And he hates that he gets like that

Because he trust you and he wants you to know that

So for him to feel jealous makes him feel like he’s saying he doesn’t trust you; when, in fact, he trust you with his life.

When he does get jealous, you’ll know

He ask you if you think he’s manly enough for you

When he’s jealous, he always has his arms wrapped around you, holding you closely against himself

He tries to convince himself he doesn’t need to feel jealous of the other person because...you don’t like them, do you?

He usually ends up failing in convincing himself and winds up not-so-subtlety trying to get you away from the person.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Kirishima’s kisses are always full of passion

His hand are always somewhere on you

Whether that be your waist, your back, your face, he just needs to be holding you

Usually, it’s just pecks on the tip of your nose or your forehead

But whenever he sees you for the first time in a while, after arguments, run-ins with villains, and similar circumstances his kisses are full of passion and longing

Also, he likes when you kiss his shoulders? I don’t even know why, he just loves it

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Kids loves him

They think him and his quirk are so cool!

And plus he’s really gentle and sweet with them

He shows off a lot infront of them because he’s trying to impress them

He talks to them a lot, telling them all about his hero work and how he used to have absolutely no control over his quirk

It’s a lot encouragement towards them

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He usually wakes up a little after the sun, not too early but not too late.

If you’re asleep, he won’t wake you up, he knows you probably need the sleep

Instead he’ll go cook you breakfast and bring you some in bed

If you wake up before him, please for the love of all things holy, wake him up with light kisses all over his face

He would die of fluff overload

Once both of you are awake, he pulls you against his chest and sits there until he can wake up mentally

Ok but can you imagine tired, shirtless standing in the kitchen sipping coffee?? That’s my sexuality

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

He’s the type that falls asleep on the couch watching TV

So he doesn’t actually go to bed until like midnight

He’s the type to get up at like 2 am to get some food or something and you think there is someone stealing lmao

He’s always holding you in some way when you’re sleeping, even if he just has his leg barely pressed against yours

Although he would much rather be cuddling with you

He takes night showers, so can we just take a moment to appreciate Kirishima with his hair wet

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Kirishima’s not the type to say everything all at once

But I also can’t see him being the type that just randomly mentions things and leaves you sitting there like ‘?’

He probably does it pretty early on in the relationship, or if you were friends first he starts mentioning stuff a month or two into the friendship

He mentions it slowly, not wanting to scare you away

Although, he is a pretty open person so there are some things you’ll be able to figure out right off the bat

He’s not very secretive with you, especially not after he opens up to you

So any fights you may have definitely aren’t because he’s hiding things from you

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Not very

He may get frustrated with himself a fair amount

But he doesn’t get very angered at other people very often

He’d much rather talk about what’s bothering him than argue or keep things bottled up, but he usually doesn’t have many problems with people

He would gladly take his time with anyone who asked for his help instead of getting impatient and starting to yell like other people might *cough* bakugou

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers a fair amount

Obviously he can’t remember everything you say

He does remember random little things you say, though

Like sometimes he might get you a plushie of your favorite animal that you might have mentioned you liked once.

It’s little sweet things like that

And obviously he remembers the important things about you, like your birthday or what you’d like to do once you graduate

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

He remembers how a few months after you two started dating, he saw you were wearing his hoodie

It was actually a Crimson Riot hoodie, he’d had it for a while but he loved it

Of course, you knew how much Kirishima admired Crimson Riot

So you assumed he was smiling because the hoodie had been buried in his closet for who knows how long and he was seeing it for the first time in a while

“I like the hoodie, where’d you get it?” He joked, sitting down besides you

You just smiled and leaned on his shoulder

“Ya know, Kiri, I like it. But I think I’d like it a little more if it said ‘Red Riot’.”

His heart fluttered, you’d always supported him when im came to his dream to become a hero

But still, to hear you say that, it made him so happy

And he couldn’t deny that it made him fall just a little more in love with you

No, Kirishima could not function properly for the rest of the day

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Kirishima is protective of you but not in the “I’m not letting another man around you ever, you are not allowed to have friends, Nope” kind of way

It’s more of an “I just want you to be safe” kind of way

So he’s always there make sure you’re safe, he doesn’t know how he would be able to forgive himself if he couldn’t save you from something

Especially if you have anxiety, he wants to be there to ground you, to be the reason maybe your anxiety isn’t so bad

He actually doesn’t like being protected himself, though

Apparently it “isn’t manly” so he’ll always insist that he doesn’t need help

Even though he usually does

He needs more of an emotional type of protection, if that makes sense?

He justs needs someone there to hold him and tell him that everything is gonna be ok

Or really just someone to talk to, you don’t even have to listen

Because lets face it, he has a lot of insecurities from when he was bullied in middle school

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Ok so he’s not the type to plan big, extravagant parties and stuff for you

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t put a lot of time and effort into his gifts

He remembers what you like, what you don’t like

He take notes of all the little things, if that makes sense

He remembers your favorite flowers, your favorite animal, your favorite everything

He also remembers your favorite places, where you went on your first date, where you first met, where you had your first kiss, places like that.

So usually any time you have an an aniversary it’s at a special place

Also, he’s more of a pleaser than someone that likes to be pleased, so he does a lot of stuff for you

Like he’ll get you gifts just because he wanted to see a smile on your face

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He says “manly” a lot

He doesn’t have many, to be honest

If anything, it’s that he’d break himself before he gives up

Especially when it comes to you

He would use his last breath trying to protect you

Which can be an issue for you, you just want him to be safe

And then there’re goes, losing sleep trying to do things for you

When in reality the only thing you want from him is for him to be healthy and happy

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He doesn’t mean to be

In fact he hates that he is

But after being bullied so much in middle school, he can’t help but feel a little insecure from time to time

Which is why he dyed his hair, started working out

That’s not to say that he’s vane about it, he doesn’t brag and think that he’s better than other people

But he isn’t as self conscious as he used to be, and especially not now that he has you at his side

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

No, he couldnt feel whole without you, not now that he knows what it feels like to have someone always there for him

He loves that he has someone to rely on so fully

And to suddenly not have that person there for him, to not have an anchor of sorts, there is n way he could feel completed again

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

This man has literally walked into the store with a whole ass grocery list, saw something that you might like or reminded him of you, bought it and forget about everything else he was supposed to get

He rushed home just to give you the little gift he had gotten you

It was not the first or the last time it had happened

Honestly just anytime he gets to bring a smile to your face is a good day for him

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He’s not a fan of someone who is picky

Like obviously you can have opinions, but he wouldn’t like someone who judges him, if that makes sense

He just doesn’t want to feel insecure

And I feel like if he was with someone who was in any way judgemental, he would be an insecure wreck constantly

Basically, he just wants someone who is open-minded

But he doesn’t really care about many other things

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Like I said before, he goes to bed at around midnight but falls asleep on the couch at like 10

But anyway

He’s a pretty deep sleeper, he has slept through a few bad storms in his life

He drools a lot. And also he snores a lot. Babie boi

He has an unreasonable amount of weird dreams but he only remembers like 2% of them

You know they happen though because he also talks in his sleep occasionally, and when he wakes up you’re just like “Kiri?? Why were you talking about overthrowing your ant overlords last night?”

No one knows

This man cannot keep the bed sheets straight in any sort of way, he he goes to sleep in the fetal position and wakes up laying horizontally at the foot of the bed

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bittersweetlikecoffee · 3 years

Text

Like shout-out to my forever partner. He's the best and real, real, real one. Get you a man who won't judge you for admitting to having nightly panic attacks and night terrors but instead supports you without any judgment whatsoever. And, bonus, no matter what refuses to leave your side no matter how much you insist you're too damaged.

Y'all this year has been a lot on me--mentally, emotionally and physically. Hell, spiritually. Losing my grandmother...moving...job hunting...trying additional options in the meantime while job hunting...grappling with the reemergence of my mental health issues...on and on...trying to look for apartments...stressing over money issues. It's been a lot and tiring and I'm so fucking tired I want to cry. I'm so tired. I'm so angry at everything symptom wise crippling me. This feels like it's honestly too much. I wish I could like tear this out of myself at times, but... I know I can't give up. So I won't.

But y'all I'm just so thankful for my fiance. He's held me down. Seriously. This is like recompense for me holding him down when he mentally and emotionally needed it. This is what a strong and healthy relationship is all about. I'm so incredibly thankful that he keeps me calm and can hold me and soothe me. I'm thankful that he allows me to vent and doesn't pressure me on my really, really bad days. I'm thankful that he's understood me when I told him I needed help. It's hard to admit that because for awhile I was stabilizing and things were looking up. I want to cry, seriously. Just...support systems are so, so, so important when it comes to mental health. I want to thank my friend too because she's been super sweet and loving and just there for me. She's been very kind and never turns me away or anything. She's almost always willing to listen and these past months have been loaded.

The ability to have someone in your corner when you're regressing and you can recognize it is imperative. I know I won't be hospitalized. I just believe that I won't regress that badly ever again. I cannot. I cannot do it again. It's too much to hit a reset button again at this interval of my life. To be truthful, I'm fucking terrified of that possibility so I'm avoiding getting to that stage. But I also know that I need help. I need to find a therapist and I need to journal again, and I know I cannot manage this on my own anymore. There's too many variables that I won't go into for personal reasons that have brought me to this place.

I'm rambling. I don't even know wtf the purpose of this is anymore, tbh. I guess that chronic anxiety and depression can suck a lot sometimes. Not being able to get out of bed or struggling to, not being able to fall asleep and stay asleep for days and weeks on end, and not being able to leave the house...can be debilitating. So...idk...I won't post about this for a while.

Why?

My blog isn't centered on my mental health. I didn't create it with any centrally focused topic in mind. It's literally supposed to be as the description entails: reblogs and the very occasional personal post or life update. That's it. I already felt like I've divulged too much. I'm not looking for advice. I appreciate it all the same but I'm really not looking for it. I'm just tired...mentally and emotionally. I might need to go back on meds and that's fine. I'm at a time in my 10+ years of having mental illnesses in my life that I can wholly accept that. It's liberating to be at a point where I can admit that trying to go med-free worked for a bit and now... I've realized it's not anymore and that's okay. It doesn't make me weak. It doesn't make anyone weak.

And I just want to say that this applies to literally anyone else that's in the mental health community. If you need to go back on medications or decide to then it's YOUR decision. The same applies if you decide to stop, it is YOUR decision. There's nothing wrong with regression or relapse or whatever you want to label it as or term it. It's part of the process. Therapy has armed me with that and it's keeping my head above water right now. Years ago, I would have been in a way worse headspace at this junction than I am now, had it not been for group and individual counseling. But yes, for a while now I've realized I need medication again to help balance me out.

As for anyone wanting to quit medication? All I would say is to make sure you stop with the consent of your psychiatrist/doctor and to do it in steps. Titrate down. Don't stop cold turkey. Don't ever stop cold turkey. Psych meds can have lasting side effects that are both unpleasant and can be harmful and dangerous if you do.

Anyway, I'll lurk here and there. I will continue to post however infrequently. I will pop in every now and then. I'll reblog content I like or find interesting. I just don't think anything else needs to be said really. 2020 was shitty. The pandemic was horrid. 2021 was emotionally draining, at one time cathartic, angering, saddening, lonely, and incredibly difficult most days for a lot of personal reasons. But I'll get through this because I'm strong. And you will too. It will get better. 🥺🙏🏾

Xoxo

#personal #my writing #mental illness #mental health #depression #tw depression #tw anxiety #avoidant anxiety #general anxiety #anxiety disorder #panic disorder #ptsd problems #ptsdwarrior #ptsdlife #inner thoughts #support #ramblings

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chocosvt · 4 years

Text

⚬ pairing: seungcheol x reader. ⚬ word count: 4865. ⚬ warnings: drinking / smoking. ⚬ genre: mostly angst, fluff, some suggestive/borderline nsfw scenes. a casual life!au? (meaning he isn’t an idol)

✧✎ synopsis: seungcheol knows you’re no longer together, that he should’t be thinking about you as often as he does, and yet, you keep appearing. his heart doesn’t know how many times it can afford to split.

✧✎ a/n: i really wanted to write smth as i work toward finishing that other massive fic. so HERE. bc i miss seungcheol ;-; and idk i just like angst lol.

Seungcheol doesn’t know if it’s right for him to be looking at you like this. It doesn’t necessarily feel wrong, but there’s a distinct craving in his gaze that spots him with doubt. You’re not together any more. The chapter where your lives were once romantically intertwined was coldly shut months ago, leaving little room for reconciliation or even the most surface-level of acquaintances. Yet, Seungcheol is struck with a sudden pining as his eyes inspect you from top to bottom across the room, finding it pure luck you were both at the same new year’s party.

There’s a doorway from the living room that leads into the kitchen. Seungcheol is sitting on the sofa with a jade-tinted bottle in his hand, though the amount of alcohol he’s consumed since first arriving has greatly subsided. He’s too distracted by you to even raise the bottle to his lips, nor does he adequately listen when Joshua attempts a conversation. You’re talking to some people he doesn’t recognize, your eyes rather milky and a shiny can in your hand. He stares at the side of your neck and thinks it would be nice if he were giving you a hickey right now.

“Hey.” Joshua bumps Seungcheol’s shoulder and the boy finally turns his head.

He sees Wonwoo and Hansol as well, who give Seungcheol a warm glance. He notes that Hansol is carrying his signature black lunchbox.

Joshua then leans toward Seungcheol’s ear in order to whisper over the music: “We’re going outside to smoke, you coming or not?”

Seungcheol shakes his head. “Pass,” he says, “I don’t really feel like it.”

He pays attention to the beer in his hand, titling his head back as he gulps down a significant amount of the tangy, bubbly flavour. It doesn’t taste that good, and the bottle’s not even cold at this point, but Seungcheol figures he should just finish it anyways. Joshua sees you in the kitchen, leaning generously against the sink while you attempt to smile at the strangers who converse with you. It was worth a try to get Seungcheol off the couch and away from lamenting at your lost relationship, but he’s unimaginably stubborn when he wants to be.

“Okay,” Joshua replies, patting his shoulder, “don’t get too hung up or anything.”

Seungcheol watches the small crowd weave their way through the congregation to reach the patio door, the last he glimpses of Joshua being his bright blue hat before he slips into the chilly night. Quickly, Seungcheol polishes off the remaining alcohol inside the jade bottle, heavily swallowing the deep burn that melts down his throat while deserting the glass on the arm of the couch. He senses a distant thrumming in his cranium, knows he’ll regret every sip by morning, but for now he cares so very little.

As he leans back in his seat, Seungcheol comes to focus on the body that’s suddenly standing right in front of him. It’s weird, who would do that? However, the breath instantly whisks from the boys’ lungs when he realizes that it’s not just some intoxicated, fucked up stranger who isn’t even cognisant of what room they’re in. It’s you. You’re standing in front of him, to which Seungcheol poorly hides the stupor that colours his face. Before he can stumble out a single word, you’re straddling his lap and settling your hands against his firm shoulders.

Evidently, Seungcheol doesn’t know what the hell is happening. Neither of you are in a sober headspace. Furthermore, he hasn’t touched you (let alone been this close to you) in almost three months. Out of habituality, he grabs the familiar warmth of your waist, the simple contact with your skin igniting an emotion that was once wholly repressed. Staring into your eyes, he sees how foggy they are. He knows his can’t look much different.

“W-What are you doing?” Seungcheol stutters, his cheeks hot and sunset pink.

At first, you don’t speak, only crack a small smile while wrapping your arms around his neck, bringing your faces in close proximity until you’re practically breathing the same air.

You blink at him heavily. “Kiss me.” You whisper against his mouth.

Seungcheol doesn’t believe he’s capable of ever denying you.

The next few hours seem to seamlessly blend together. Seungcheol remembers the intense make-out that ensued on the couch and the little regard he carried for the environment around him. Once he tastes the sharp liquor from your lips, he completely submits to that catastrophic buzz you give him. Feeling your weight push down against his lap, how your fingertips slip through his soft, onyx hair, the way it feels morally wrong to welcome your tongue into his mouth, but so physically right that Seungcheol can only pull your hips closer.

He remembers the warm, open-mouthed kisses he nipped to your sensitive neck, murmuring in a slurred, gritty tone: “let me take you upstairs, baby.”

Joshua might throw the remainder of Hansol’s stale bong water over his head if he discovered what you and Seungcheol did. Somehow, there’s an empty bedroom available at the end of the dim corridor. After falling onto the sheets, you hastily pull the white top over your head and fling it toward a dusky corner, reaching for Seungcheol as he climbs over top your body. While pressing more heated kisses against your throat, already bruising and marked with indents from his teeth, Seungcheol’s hand rubs a sweet friction between your thighs, right over your jeans.

He hears you release a small cry of his name, your nails dragging down his back.

Nothing has ever made his heart shake more.

ii.

Seungcheol is confused as to what time is it. There’s no alarm clock on the bedside table, and his phone is buried within the pocket of his navy green jacket slumped at the end of the bed. He can’t hear much from the level beneath him. Looking toward the blinds, he can only gauge slits of the night sky. All of a sudden, there’s a sickly coughing noise from behind the shut bathroom door, to which he views a small sliver of yellow light underneath. Seungcheol notes the empty space beside him. He hears another cough, followed by a pained and irritated groan.

Damn – you have to be hungover.

Stumbling drearily out from the bed, Seungcheol brushes away the black strands of hair that flop before his eyes. He almost topples over trying to get his boxers back on. The pounding in his head isn’t unbearable, and he figures he’ll be fine after getting some water in his system and dozing off to a few painkillers. Seungcheol taps his knuckles against the bathroom door.

“Hey,” he calls out, his voice still thick with sleep, “how bad is it?”

There’s a moment of silence. Seungcheol assumes it must feel bizarre to have your ex consoling you through a hangover, especially considering the history of last night.

“I don’t know…” comes your weak response, “I think I’m dying.”

Seungcheol leans his head against the wood and laughs. “You’re not dying, honey. Can I come in?”

The door swings open, and Seungcheol sees you half-dressed in your white t-shirt and underwear, a watery film in your eyes and a look of pure exhaustion draining your countenance. Then, you’re immediately collapsing back to the cold tiling, leaning your head against the side of the bathtub while the toilet sits across from you. This doesn’t feel like an unfamiliar scene. Seungcheol used to always nurture you through your intoxication, and at least this time you possess enough strength to stand without your legs trembling.

“You want me to get you anything?” Seungcheol asks. “Water? A wet cloth? Some pills?”

He doesn’t know where he’ll get the pills. It’s probably three in the morning, but he figures the convenience store in town might still be open.

You swallow tightly and wrap your arms around your knees, the fluorescent lights gleaming against your balmy, flushed skin. It seems as though you won’t look him in the eyes. Seungcheol understands. This isn’t supposed to be happening. Neither of you should be in this bedroom.

A poignant sigh escapes your chest. “What’s wrong with me?” You ask, the water glimmering bright in your eyes. “Why did we do this?”

Seungcheol stiffens. When he catches a glimpse of his body in the mirror, he can read the hazy extent of your night together. The bruises are tinted like cherry and violets, smudged against his chest, his collarbone and neck. Even now, as he really concentrates, Seungcheol can feel the cool air sting dully against his back, which he can only hypothesize is decorated in long, deep scratches that will possibly burn like hell in the shower. His body hasn’t looked like this in months. There’s a clandestine part of him that wishes the marks will never lose their vibrancy.

He doesn’t know how to soothe your conflict.

Instead, Seungcheol takes a seat on the edge of the bathtub and stares down at you tenderly.

“I don’t know,” he replies, “we don’t always make the right decisions.”

You tilt your head back and meet his eyes. Seungcheol’s chest flutters.

For a moment, you look like you want to say something; however, an immediate grimace wrinkles your face and a tight hand is curling around your stomach. You scoot close to the toilet, holding onto its rim while a heavy cough burns acrid against your throat and suddenly, you’re upchucking the potent, venomous liquor from last night. Seungcheol collects your hair in his hand, pulling it back from your face. Once the surges calm for a few minutes, you’re too energy-depleted to do much apart from hang over the toilet, Seungcheol rubbing your back.

It’s three in the morning, but he feels like he would do anything for you.

iii.

Seungcheol opens his wallet and forks out the bills necessary to cover his lunch. He slides out from the booth first, accompanied by Seokmin and Jeonghan who suggested they go out to eat after their basketball game. Seungcheol trails behind them on his phone as they walk down a slim corridor toward the front of the restaurant. He’s texting Joshua about what their fridge looks like, and if it’s necessary to ask Jeonghan about making a stop at the supermarket. The afternoon light is dull as they enter the front house, and Seungcheol sees it’s raining outside.

“Wait—,” Jeonghan stops them before they can leave. “Let me try the gumball machine. Does anyone have ten cents?”

“The gumball machine?” Seokmin laughs. “Are you a child?”

“Shut up.” Jeonghan tuts in response. “I want a pink one. Now do you have ten cents or not?”

“Sheesh, give me a second, I’m checking.”

Seungcheol has developed the skill of tuning out their innocuous banter. He looks through the windows and into the downpour, which ripples unforgivingly against the glass and slicks the pavement. For their sake, he’s glad Jeonghan was able to find a parking spot across the street. As the boy gets down on his knee and crams the small coin into the slot, cranking the handle, something manages to catch in Seungcheol’s peripheral vision. His heart skips a beat. You’re looking out the window while nibbling worrisomely upon your bottom lip.

“Are you freaking kidding? Orange? That’s the worst.”

“Why does it matter?” Seokmin quips. “They all taste the same.”

Jeonghan huffs petulantly. “But I wanted pink! Do you have another ten cents?”

Seungcheol hasn’t seen you since your wicked hangover at the New Year’s party. Though it’s a moment of the past, he remembers the situation so vividly, even more so how restless he felt afterward. He was unable to remove you from his mind, and he thought about you so often that he felt the ache with his whole chest. You haven’t noticed him yet. Seungcheol wants to approach you, though he’s not sure how kindly you’ll react or if you’ll brush him off.

“Awe, yes! Pink!”

Jeonghan stands triumphantly from the gumball machine. He holds the pink candy between his fingers and gets ready to pop it straight in his mouth, and yet, the slippery thing flings from his grasp at the last second. The gumball hits the floor, rolling outside into the rain just as someone runs indoors with their umbrella. Seokmin starts cackling, and Jeonghan just looks like he wants to go home. But Seungcheol can’t leave right now. He decides he has to talk to you.

“Meet you guys in the car,” he says, “I have to do something first.”

Seungcheol taps you on the shoulder. You jump slightly, and he feels bad about scaring you, but he’s relieved to see that your expression is cordial rather than aggravated. It blatantly feels strange. You don’t resemble a stranger, yet you’re not extremely clear to him either.

“Seungcheol? Did you eat here?”

The boy nods. “Yeah, I came here after basketball with some friends”

“O-Oh,” you stutter, looking off to the side, “I’m just waiting.”

You then gesture out the window, toward the grey, heavy rain. Seungcheol spots Seokmin and Jeonghan walking across the street, sporting their jackets pulled over their heads, looking somewhat like imbeciles who he has a soft spot for. At one point you were close with both of them, but now Seungcheol doesn’t even know if you still keep in touch. When you broke up, your worlds started floating apart, and that included contact with each other’s friends.

“Right,” Seungcheol snaps his fingers, “you’re still doing the tutoring thing at the library, huh?”

A timid smile pulls on your lips. “I’m tutoring someone today, but it’s so rainy out. I don’t think it’s gonna pass very soon.”

Seungcheol finds that he doesn’t even process what comes out from his mouth. There’s a sudden rush of giddiness in his veins, and he feels like his nervous, sophomore-self that once crushed on you before your relationship even started. At the same time, it’s an offer he used to make without thought when you were dating, and it warps into a conflicting, emotional mess.

“Do you want my windbreaker?” He asks, plucking at the black and white fabric. “It’s waterproof and stuff.”

Your mouth hangs open for a little bit.

“Uhm… I just—I don’t know, you don’t have to—,”

“It doesn’t matter, seriously.” Seungcheol replies, staring into your wide eyes with a soft expression. “Just give it back whenever we see each other again, okay?”

You lick your lips, swallowing tautly before nodding your head. Seungcheol removes his jacket and helps you slip into the material. It’s a little bit big on you, and the hood droops down far over your face, but, god, seeing you in his clothes engenders Seungcheol’s heart to beat so unbelievably fast. He experiences a concoction of different emotions, different memories. He remembers how it felt seeing you wear his t-shirt after the first time you slept together, how he felt when you’d set up a long distance skype call and you’d be dressed in his old hoodie.

Everything comes rushing back. He doesn’t want to walk away from you, but he knows it’s wrong to linger. You don’t belong to each other anymore.

But at least he’ll get to see you again.

iv.

Seungcheol bounces the basketball a few times against the lacquered floor, feeling the leather texture brush beneath his palm. Then, he takes a deep shot, watching the ball suction perfectly into the hoop just before it echoes against the ground. He was the sole person occupying the gym after a late-night practice. Seokmin was with him about ten minutes ago, but he ended up packing his things and heading off to shower stalls, wishing Seungcheol a goodnight. Even though Seungcheol said he would be leaving shortly, he didn’t know why he was still here.

He picked the ball up and tossed it again, hearing the satisfying swish of the net.

The gym doors suddenly squeak, loud and metallic, to which Seungcheol takes out an earbud assuming that maybe Seokmin forgot something. However, the face that smiles at him doesn’t belong to Seokmin at all, and Seungcheol feels his heart soar. You’re holding the windbreaker that the boy let you borrow during the downpour last week, and he hears a relieved sigh.

“I figured I might catch you here.”

Seungcheol smiles and sets his earbud back in. It astonishes him that you can recall the days he has basketball practice, though Seungcheol supposes it makes great sense considering you used to attend all his warm-ups and games. He grows oddly fond seeing you from the court again.

“Just put in next to that black bag on the bench.”

“I never got to thank you for letting me use it,” you explain while returning the windbreaker to the rest of his belongings, “it was really pouring out, but I was definitely less wet than if I had nothing. I wasn’t too sure if you would still be here. Of course, I knew when I saw Seokmin.”

“It must’ve been weird for him to see you coming back here.” He replies. You would never come to the court unless Seungcheol was there.

“He said hi to me,” you admit, scratching your arm, “he looked kinda nervous though.”

Seungcheol can’t help but note that you seem a little saddened by the interaction. The break-up between you two was all but civilized and pretty. There was shouting, tears, bitter and cold words shanked through the thick air with infinitesimal regard for the other’s feelings. Seungcheol remembers you pushing a picture frame of you two together off the shelf, how the glass cracked, different shards scattering far across the floor. He remembers storming into his bedroom and throwing all your clothes into one heaping pile, demanding that you leave, swearing that he hopes to never see you again. Now, everything feels so pointless and stupid.

The falling out crumbled an entire web of ties between you. Seungcheol understands why Seokmin would be nervous to see you, but he hates to know how it’s upset you.

“Hey,” Seungcheol calls out, attempting to lift the depressive mood, “Wanna shoot?” He bounces the basketball.

You immediately tense. “Uh – no. I haven’t touched a basketball since we were dati—I mean, well – you know. I haven’t played at all.”

Seungcheol smiles, rolling his eyes. “Just come here.” He beckons. “I’ll remind you.”

“I-I don’t know, my friend is in the car. I shouldn’t keep her waiting.”

“It’ll take two minutes.” He reasons. “I promise.”

The boy is delighted to see you comply, even if you are hesitant and approach him with bleeding apprehensiveness. While he shows you how to hold the ball as well as the correct motion to make with your wrist, there’s a smile blooming from one corner of your mouth to the other. Sometimes the past feels exactly like it should: the past. At this moment, a warmth ignites between you two, a spark that feels passionate and ever-lasting. Once he gives a few examples, the ball is suddenly in your hands, and he watches brightly as you sink a basket.

Seungcheol collects the ball, smirking. “You wanna play?” He then asks, checking the ball straight into your chest.

“No,” you respond, sending it back harder, “you know I just said I have someone waiting.”

“It hasn’t been two minutes yet.”

“There’s probably thirty seconds left. We have no time.”

“Fine,” Seungcheol shakes his head, “be a loser.” He doesn’t wait for you, and flicks the ball through the hoop.

It hits the glossy wood, bounces a couple times, and proceeds to roll slowly across the ground. You look at Seungcheol, and Seungcheol looks at you. There’s a small moment of silence.

Until you’re both racing across the floor with arms extended, practically throwing yourselves toward the basketball. It just ghosts under your fingertips, and somehow you manage to secure it against your chest, though you’re unable to even rise from the floor as Seungcheol straddles your waist and attempts to whack the ball out of your grip. The chime of your laughter echoes loudly through the entire gymnasium. You’re too slippery and end up weaseling away, scrambling haphazardly to your feet and using your last breath to sail the ball toward the net.

Seungcheol is too late. He reaches for you, but the ball has already gone through.

As the boy wraps his arms around your waist and hugs your back against his firm, hard chest, you cry out triumphantly, pumping your fists in the air. To anyone who observed from the outside, you wouldn’t exactly paint the image of a broken relationship. You were laughing, celebrating, making harmless mockery pertaining to the other with stupid grins on your faces.

“You’re such a cheater.” Seungcheol says.

Wriggling to face him in the comfort of his grasp, you slide your arms around Seungcheol’s neck and scrunch your nose.

“How did I cheat? That was fair!”

Seungcheol grabs your hips tight, pulling you in close against his body until he can almost count the individual sparkles in your eyes and smell the sweetness of your hair.

“Uh? You said you weren’t gonna play.”

“I wasn’t!” You giggle. “Until you called me a l—,”

The metal doors squeak again. At the speed of light, you and Seungcheol detach from each other, the playful mood disintegrating as the girl who’d been waiting in the car comes looking for you. Seungcheol sees the light drain from your eyes. He watches your shoulders slump, and the deep lump you forcefully swallow upon being interrupted. Seungcheol is utterly disappointed too. His heart doesn’t quite beat the same when you bid him the tiniest, quietest goodbye before running over to your friend, apologizing to her for the unexpected wait. The doors rattle once more, and then the gym is completely empty. It stings worse than anything.

Seungcheol doesn’t understand why he can’t just have you back.

It’s sometime after ten-thirty when Seungcheol finally leaves Hansol and Wonwoo’s house. It’s not a long walk back to his miniscule apartment complex crammed in the middle of town, and he loves to soaks in the calm beauty belonging to the clear, star-speckled sky. He only went over to smoke after a tiresome day at his job, but he ended up staying much longer after Wonwoo revealed his game console. They took turns playing Portal and Grand Theft Auto. It was fun, a perfect way to unwind, and now Seungcheol is ready to wash up and go to bed.

He’s wearing his earphones while walking through town, listening to old songs that remind him of you, a playlist actually, one he started making before you were even together. No matter what happens – Seungcheol is always thinking about you these days. He misses you in a way that aches deeply, like his heart has been split in two by a sharp and jagged stone. In fact, while standing at an intersection, waiting for the light to glow in a walking man symbol, Seungcheol almost mistakes someone sitting at the bus bench across the street for you.

A moment passes, and he squints through the meagre lighting. Wait—that is you.

Your gaze keeps flitting nervously from the lurid phone in your hand to the dimly lit area that surrounds you. Your knee is quickly bouncing, and Seungcheol can sense at a distance how nervous you’re feeling. He doesn’t know why you’re sitting alone in the dark, but he can’t just leave you there. Instead of walking his usual route back to the apartment complex, Seungcheol approaches you, calls out your name softly as to not make you afraid. At first you respond to him with a moonfaced expression, but then you recognize his face and your heart quiets.

“Everything okay?” Seungcheol asks, taking out his earphones.

You gulp thickly and reflect a jittery smile. “Um, kinda. My boss made me stay late for closing. I tried texting my friend to pick me up, but she’s not responding.” A frozen breeze rifles through the air and you shiver. “I-I just, I don’t want to walk home alone.”

Seungcheol doesn’t hesitate to extend his hand.

“C’mon, I’ll take you.”

A grateful smile warms your face. Standing up from the cold bench, you grab Seungcheol’s hand and interlock fingers. Your address is still fresh in his mind, to which he easily navigates the streets with you beside him. At one point, a loud dog starts barking from a few blocks over and you nearly jump out from your own skin, though Seungcheol just slides his arm around your waist, gently pulling you further into his solace. He feels you instantly relax against him. An indescribable light fills his chest. To be able to make you feel safe, like he used to, it’s aweing.

“This is it, right?” Seungcheol asks upon approaching the house porch. He knows it’s right, but he waits for you to confirm it.

“You’re right.” You tell him in a tiny voice.

His hand grazes the small of your back as you walk up the steps together, stopping before the door and its weathered, white paint. A bitterness stings against Seungcheol’s throat, a truly horrible bitterness. He doesn’t want to say goodbye – he wants to stay. He wants to take you inside and wait on your bed as you get ready for the night. He wants to experience that beautiful fluttering in his stomach when you crawl into his arms and shut off the light, his hand stroking your spine as you fall asleep, your soft, slow breaths fanning against his neck.

Why does it have to hurt like this? Seungcheol hates that he’s so in love with you, but he’d never want it any other way. Even if he has to endure this pain, it’s better than never getting to know you, touch you or love you. He swallows the hot salt and gets ready to bid his goodbye.

“Sleep well, okay? Maybe I’ll see you agai—,”

Suddenly, you’re hugging Seungcheol. Your arms wrap securely around his waist and you bury your face in his neck. He takes a slight step backward, caught off guard by the blitz of affection. He hears you suck in a trembling breath, and then he feels wet, cold droplets slide against his skin. Instantly, he holds you, one hand dearly cradling the back of your head while the other passes up and down your back. You shake in his arms and he doesn’t know why. Seungcheol just hugs you tighter. If he has to, he’ll hold you for the entire night.

“S-Seungcheol,” you release his name in a sob, lifting your head from his neck. His heart beats wildly as he looks directly into your teary eyes. “I’m s-sorry.” You cry to him. “I-I’m so sorry…”

“What?” He cups your face, collecting a few thick tears with his thumb. “For what, honey?”

“E-Everything,” you hiccup, grabbing his waist tighter, “for the st-stupid fights, the p-picture, all those h-horrible things I yelled at you – I hate my-myself because of it.”

Seungcheol shakes his head and brings your face in closer to his, brown eyes glistering. “I don’t care about that. I don’t. I said horrible things too, sweetheart. I yelled at you, I told you to leave, I made you so upset, and I know exactly how you feel.” He rubs his thumb tenderly below your damp eye, and you ease into his touch. “But that was a different time. No matter what, I’m still in love with you. What happened months ago doesn’t change that. I promise.”

You sniffle back the new pearls that nearly stain your face.

“Really? Y-You still love me?”

Seungcheol leans in. He presses his forehead against yours, his fingers delicately framing your wet, warm cheek. And then he’s kissing you softly, pouring every ounce of his heart into the contact. Your hand curls around the back of his neck. You respond passionately, keeping him as near as possible, nipping gently at his bottom lip while stealing each other’s breath. Seungcheol peers directly into your gaze. It’s glassy from the tears, but also sincere and welcoming.

“I never stopped.” He says earnestly.

He feels your fingertips thread through the black silk of his hair. You kiss him again, and his grip finds the familiarity of your hips, leading you backward until you press against the door.

“I love you too.” You admit to him between every peck.

In the rising heat, you whisper against the boy’s pretty mouth, “I want you back,” to which the words engender Seungcheol’s heart to positively melt. Seungcheol knows you already have him. It doesn’t take long before you’re unlocking the door with the key beneath an ancient flowerpot. You hop into his arms, and Seungcheol catches you like it’s nothing, sitting you on top of the corridor dresser while his kisses wander further down your neck. Every whimper he hears turns him fonder. You admit again that you love him and he smiles against your skin.

Seungcheol will always need you. He hopes he always has you.

#svt scenarios #svt fanfic #seungcheol scenarios #seventeen scenarios #seventeen angst #seungcheol angst #seventeen fanfic #seventeen imagines #svt smut #s.coups scenarios #TIME TO CRY!

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