My hair changing porosity has me ready to scream. Everything always happens at once.
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I FEEL THIS IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY VEINS
Ily eva lemme hug you!!! 🥰 It's great to know I'm not alone in this ❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤
I used to be so anxious about not knowing my labels. It kind of made me feel like i was somehow faking not being straight especially as a teenager 😬 these days I'm much more relaxed and it feels great
Like, I'm definitely wlw but also *whispers* am i 100% the "w" in that equation? Not sure Definitely on the ace spectrum too but where? No idea. Also sometimes i have male fictional crushes is there even a name for that? Ah ykw? Fuck it I'm queer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
That's why the queer label is so great. Humans are much too complex to fit into need little boxes or even if they do somehow fit, we change!
I just want to live my life yk? And I don't want to spent it trying to squeeze myself into boxes
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Me gets a new follower: Oh a new follower! People like me! 8D
Me after ￼actually taking a look: Oh that’s not a follower that’s a no-no bot. 0-o
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I just really want to make a lot of edit, start drawing fanart, reading fanfiction and spend my time to do what I want.
But I need to follow college and do a lot of exams, I need to work and eat and sleep. Maybe life is so difficult because we need to do what we don't want to do all the time.
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i had one of the worst motherfucking panic attacks last night, full-on out of control, kicking the car door, screaming, crying, paranoid, confused, scared, whatever and my mom has the nerve to tell me it was BECAUSE I ATE TOO MANY SUGAR THAT DAY. FUCK OFF. GO KISS MY ASS. SHE SAID I NEED TO LEARN TO DO FUCKING MINDFULNESS WHILST BASICALLY SAYING IT WAS MY FAULT. SHE THINKS I WAS OKAY WITH THE EXTREME AMOUNT OF FEAR I WAS GOING THROUGH AT THE TIME. SHE TOLD ME I WASNT TRYING. HEY MOM! DO YOU THINK I WANTED TO THINK I WAS FUCKING DYING?? DO YOU THINK I ENJOYED BEING IN A STATE OF SEEMINGLY UNENDING PAIN WHERE I COULDNT LOOK AROUND WITHOUT THINKING EVERYONE WAS TRYING TO HURT ME? WE PULLED OVER THE CAR AND I GOT OUT AND FUCKING LAY ON THE GRASS AT 10 PM IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE AND SCREAMED AT THE WORLD WHILE HER BOYFRIEND WAS COMFORTING ME. I FELT SAFER WITH HIM THAN WITH HER. FUCK OFF! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK !!!! YOU MADE ME FUCKKING SICK WHEN YOU SAID THAT JUST NOW!!! IDGAF IF YOU HAVE ANXIETY. I CONTROL MY ANXIETY BETTER THAN YOU CAN ANY DAY. IM A LITERAL CHILD. I NEED COMFORT. NOT PEOPLE TELLING ME ITS MY FAULT. I ALREADY BLAME MYSELF ENOUGH FOR THESE THINGS I TRY MY BEST TO CONTROL. JUST LET ME BE A KID AND BE PROUD OF THE THINGS I HAVE DONE THAT ARE GOOD.
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I'm already in over my head on this journey and intend to stick it out to the end with the knowledge that this is merely a bump in the road to be overcome. It will be (hopefully/mostly) forgotten by the time I get to where I want to be within the organization.
What I'm about to say is based on a series of observations I've made over the past year. In truth, the vast majority of my experience has been positive, but as with anything there are a few people who have to ruin it for the rest. So I just need to vent to the void of tumblr for a sec because I'm so tired of seeing others (and sometimes myself) being spoken down to and feel like I'm going to cry or scream or both.
If you're a club that is actively encouraging people to join, the best (and frankly the easiest) thing you can do is to make relevant information accessible to new members. I've had to go digging for so much information on my own (which is partly my fault because of anxiety and not wanting to bother anyone). However, the few times I've actually worked up the courage and finally asked a question I just couldn't find an answer to, a lot of the answers I receive are """insider information""" yet are things I should apparently still know somehow. Some answers are really fun because they even come with a tone that suggests I'm 5 years old and have never done anything in my life ever so therefore could not possibly understand. It isn't just me this happens to; I've really been quite fortunate in that I can only recall a handful of times. But I've seen this happen again and again each time somebody on the outside dares to ask a question where the answer is common knowledge to those already in the club.
So how would they like new people to get our info? Should we be only too happy to listen to the condescending word of one of the godlike members? Should we tolerate what would nowadays be called "bullying" in any other situation so that we, too, might join the ranks of this club and become The Elite, ourselves?
I haven't really made it clear yet, but this is both a costuming club and a volunteers-for-charity club. Nobody (myself included) is being forced to join. I want to join because I like that I can wear a costume of a character I love while raising money to help kids. Looking at the club through rose-coloured glasses for so long, however, made me think that was why everybody else joined or wanted to join, too.
But there's clearly an ulterior motive for some, which is to have "power" over others. It gives them the feeling of importance or satisfaction that I guess they can't find anywhere else. And you know what? Fair. That's a totally valid reason to join a costume club where you get to dress like a hero (or villain, whatever you're about) and have people revere you for your skills. But don't be such a fucking asshole about it, you know? You're not the only one who spent 15892598328573894 hours on your costume, you're not the only one who knows how to sew a pintuck—you're literally surrounded by people who also do the same if not more, who have the same right as you to be in that club. Don't try to raise yourself up by belittling others. You are not god-tier, you are not beyond reproach.
One last thing: If you decide you want to take on one of the revered "positions of power" in this club, then turn around to complain about how huge the workload is... I hate to tell you this, but a grand total of No One is making you do it. You volunteered. At any time you are free to leave, there is no obligation to stay. So you don't get to make people feel like it's a huge imposition or that they owe you something when you give an answer to a question that wasn't even asked of you specifically. You don't get to tell others that your time is more valuable or important than theirs because you have this ~prestigious position~ in the club.
Sorry, but you're really not as special a snowflake as you want to believe you are.
As I said in the beginning, I know this sort of mentality isn't something that I'll need to put up with forever. I know once I'm in my little section of this club I can flatly ignore the people who'd like for everyone to bow down and treat them like fragile little cupcakes too good for this world too pure. I'm doing this to help people and have some fun at the same time. I'm doing this to make kids smile and let them believe in magic just a little bit longer. I'm doing this to get out of my comfort zone, to try to better myself, to heal, and to make new friends.
But now I'm also doing this to set a better example than some of the ones I've seen. I am going to share every single goddamn piece of information I learn with others when they ask, and I'm going to be
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This is just gonna be kind of a rant but here we go.
My supervisor at work has a habit of talking to me like a child. She speaks very slowly, overpronounces her words, makes exaggerated facial expressions, stuff like that. She only does this when talking to me. She speaks normally to my coworkers. She also tells me how to do things like use a paper towel dispenser or a faucet, despite having no reason to believe that I wouldn't know how.
To be clear, I'm an adult. I look a bit younger than I am, but she is aware that I'm 18. Still young, but definitely past the age where this type of talk would be appropriate.
It's important to note that I don't really mask at work. I rock back and forth and wave my hands as I please. I don't make many facial expressions or add much inflection to my voice. Plus, I'm only semi-verbal when I'm there. I mostly only speak when spoken to and even then, I answer in as few words as possible.
She knows I'm autistic and I definitely don't pass as neurotypical, so idk if she does this because of my autsim, because I'm new, because I'm younger than her or what. And I can't really say anything about it because can't talk that much when I'm there.
I love the job though, I'm actually very well suited to it because of my autistic traits.
But anyways, don't treat autistic adults like children.
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I need advice please guys:
so I have a gf and we have been together for 5 months, my family is very supportive towards me and this relationship and when I say family, I mean all, cousins, aunts, etc., even my father met her and he has been like the best (when I thought he wouldn’t accept me or her), but with that I was radical, I told him I wouldn’t go home or family meetings if he didn’t accept my gf, so he was the bigger person and slowly he’s accepting who I am and the bond between us is stronger now.
Anyway, the advice I need is this: the family of my gf is not like mine, they don’t accept her and less, they don’t accept me as her gf. I have only met her brother and even though I told her is okay, is kind of like bugging me and I don’t understand why, she spends weekends with them (which I’m totally okay with that, I love my family and I spend every moment I can with them) but the difference I see is that my family gets to be with her, spend time with her and I don’t have that place in her family and it hurts, is painful tbh, to see her have a wonderful time and I’m not there, so I start thinking “am I important to her?” “Am I enough?” Also I’m afraid her family will do the best to break us or won’t let us build a life together...maybe I’m overreacting but tbh I have always thought the worse and tbh I’m in a point in my life where I don’t want secrets or to hide or to pretend I’m someone’s friend when in reality I’m the gf. And for the first time in my life I want to be put FIRST, because I’ve always been second and I’m fucking tired of that...so... is that selfish? what should I do? I love her a lot, but this is a constant thought, am I strong enough? Am I willing to live like this? Is this forever? Ughhh my mind is crazy with many thoughts....
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*sees dozens of disappointed and betrayed queer fans on twitter* olan and david turn on your locations i just wanna talk
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These last days had been hellish, guys. I have to say coming here usually makes me feel better and forget for a moment the troubles around my country and family, just want to let you know that I am grateful with all of you and I send to you guys many hugs, and wish you the best.
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This is just some stupid vent post don't mind this :>
We can all see how fucked up life can be especially when you reach the deepest roots of it. But the more you fall into the abyss the more you'll fall into despair (No Dangonrompa reference-)
Anyways, I know how harsh our reality can be, I know how much you guys want to escape reality... But it's ok.
The more you learn to accept, the more you could grow and grow to become stronger. Love is hard for all of us.. Ofc we have to learn how to let go.. As much as it hurts as emotionally, everything will be ok cause you're not alone.
Why'd you think your friends were there when you cry? Ofc cause they care for you deeply... Look at the people who were with you, they were willing to help you walk out of that stupid shell and made you feel alive again!
So pls... Don't lose hope, I've only recently broken up with someone and it hurts but I've learned to move on from them. (no hate pls)
Sometimes you just have to endure everything... So pls remember why ya'll are even alive here today.
You are not alone... You are not useless... You're no nuisance or all that!
Everyone is perfect in their own little way... I hope you guys have a bright future ahead of you and always remember. Love yourself pls
i fucking hate my bio group. like bitch please just put 1 (one) article in the shared google doc and you’ll be saving me from kms
might just split off and do it by myself yall are insufferable
Im on my way home its so early and the person im with,,,,,, who tf wants to drink a beer at 7 in the goddamn morning. Nasty. Im so fucking tired what makes a person want a beer after 3 full hours of being on a plane and at the buttcrack of dawn too
I think I’ve cried for 20 minutes now. My eyes burn. My nose is blocked. My head hurts and my mouth stays clenched tight. The furrows of my brow have finally ceased. I still occasionally blink hard due to the remaining dried tears and burning that comes with them. I don’t know the reason I cried today. I know I started daydreaming about something sad but it was more than that. It wasn’t just a sad scenario. There was a raw pain in it. I felt as if I was in a gallery full of paintings. The ceiling is too high, as if it goes on up to the sky. Paintings fill the walls. There are smaller statues around. The biggest one is framed against a large window with sunlight pouring in. It feels warm. The painting exude the life pour into them by their creators. They shine with a warmth I cannot describe. Yet even with the warmth I feel like I’m suffocating. Like its going to swallow me whole. The paintings almost seem to reach out and grab me, dragging me in further into their depths. I am stranded alone in an ocean and there is no one else there. I am alone. I will drown. A pain such as this burned through my chest and clawed through my head. I curled up as best as I could but it never does any good, does it? When you fuel your own sadness it seems to be never ending. I will go to bed with tears dried on my face and the lyrics of mitski’s burning hill playing in my head. I am tired. I am worn. I’ve had enough.
why are all the transmasc tags (ftm, trans boy, transmasc etc) full of thinspo??? Like let me be trans in peace without seeing pro ana bullshit, it's triggering af
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That feeling when someone holds you in high regard and thinks you're smart and trustworthy and dependable for some reason, but you just have an above average vocabulary, know a bunch of scattered useless trivia, and are vaguely bullshitting your way through life by staying neutral in all things except your mental state. Which is very much negative.
"Friend" of mine blocked me in every social media and blocked my number. I dont care otherwise, its his loss but bitch owes me money. Never lending money to anyone. Smh ffs.