Hi, could u please do a part 2 for the max cheating one where he fights like hell for the reader to even just be a part of her life and even though it takes a while m, he doesn’t give up and then maybe she starts dating someone and he tries like hell to be happy for her but he can’t cos that just reminds him of what he lost and maybe they do get back together after a few months or years? Absolutely love all your angst fics !!
Summary: You found out Max cheated on you part. 2
Warnings: angst, swearing
Word count: 2.5k
Part 1 HERE
there will be a part 3 too, don't worry!
Regret is part of the grieving process of a relationship. Everyone wonders if there was something else they could have done to “save” a relationship. In your case, it really is something you could have done not to lose her. You couldn’t cheat on her with Kelly Piquet.
Although so many months have passed since then, you can still recite from memory the last message you gave her.
‘If all I am to you is some evil character on some bad memory card that you access over and over, reminding me of past mistakes over and over... then I love you for always and forever... but we are over and out. Our good times outnumbered the bad by multitudes, but listening to you anyone would think it was a shit show.’
She kept her word and resigned. They were all sad to see her leave, and they knew that if she left, it meant we broke up. However, no one came to you to ask what happened, probably because everyone knew about your little getaway with Kelly.
In the first weeks, whenever you enter the garage, there was silence. You knew everyone was talking about you and Y/N, your past relationship, and they had every right to talk.
The worst was when Christian decided it was time to find out more and, why not, to make you feel like shit. So he invited you for a coffee.
“So, explain to me, what was going on inside your head?” he starts right away as soon as you get your coffees.
You shifted awkwardly in your seat, avoiding his gaze.
"You already know what happened. To hell with it, everyone in Formula 1 knows what happened," you say.
"Yes, Max. I know what happened because Anthony talked to other engineers and that's how I found out what was happening. But no one knows your part of the story. And I want to know from you what happened before I express my opinion." Christian Horner answers and has a sip of his coffee.
You are left with a sense of emptiness and a numb feeling that you can’t even put into words. You are left alone behind to collect all of your shattered pieces and realize again, for the millionth time, that humans are one of the most selfish and awful species that will never learn how not to take your sensitive feelings for granted. Regret is a form of not standing behind the choices we make. Why did I choose to be selfish? Why didn't I settle for her love? Because it wasn't the fact that I didn't love her or felt attracted to her that pushed me toward Kelly. I could argue that it was a slip-up. A mistake. But it didn't happen just once, right?
The first time it happened you were in Spain for the Grand Prix.
You knew Kelly pretty well, she had only been in love with your former teammate, so it wasn't strange that she was in the paddock with Penelope Kvyat.
You've spoken hundreds of times before, your conversations already came naturally. You talked about everything: family, friends, relationships.
She knew you were in a happy relationship with Y/N and at first, she seemed genuinely happy for you. You don't know when jealousy came. Suddenly, instead of saying how beautiful Y/N looked that day, she said her hair was weird. It's like she's gotten fatter. Not much, just enough to be seen at the hips. Don't you think she's a little close to Anthony? Ah, are they best friends? I don't know, Max, I'd say be careful, she'll tell you one of these days she's leaving you for him. I'm just saying... If I were her, I would never do that.
Somehow, those words got under your skin. Kelly got under your skin. And you, like a fool, listened to her. Why?
Why couldn't you go to Y/N and talk?
But you knew the answer to that question: You knew that, in fact, Y/N hadn't done anything wrong. It's just that you let yourself be influenced by a pair of breasts and you didn't realize it. Or you didn't want to realize.
There were two primary ideas in your mind. 1. She would never do that. She loves you, and just as you wouldn't hurt her, she wouldn't hurt you either. And 2. What if Kelly is right? Maybe, just maybe, she knows what she's talking about because she's a woman, and damn it, no matter how hard you try, you can't understand them.
Yes, the two ideas clashed and didn't make sense. But what you felt didn't make sense. You two were fine, why do you feel like you found out she's leading a double life?
She never gave you a reason to doubt her. So where does this unfounded fear come from?
So, if you were to choose a state that pushed you toward Kelly, you could say it was fear.
Fear of not being hurt.
Fear and fear that she will leave you and you will be heartbroken.
It seemed like a good idea at the time. But you knew it was wrong.
You knew it would hurt her, but when you felt the warmth of Kelly's body beneath yours, her hot lips on your neck, you didn't care.
But in the end, you had to go back to Y/N. And you felt like hell. The burden was too heavy. It's quite painful for the brain and heart. It's leading towards the psychological defined effects on the brain result from the regrets in life-based on the intensity level of regret.
It's easy to lie to the world. But you can't lie to yourself. You can give excuses about how your partner never gave you time and attention or wasn't there for you when you needed them. But there's no escape from the fact that you broke someone's trust and crucified the sanctity of love.
You acted as nothing happened. You kissed her passionately, told her you loved her, even though you could still feel the weight of Kelly's body over yours.
She suspected absolutely nothing.
You got away with it this time.
The second time it happened was in Monaco. It's just that the reason was no longer fear.
You wanted her again.
You were like an addict. You compared the sex you had with the two of them. With Kelly, it seemed better.
You were lying to yourself. You were like an animal.
Again, after you finished, you went to your girlfriend and told her you loved her.
You have a conscious and it hunts you every day. You often wonder if this heavy feeling will ever go away.
When you were with Y/N you thought of Kelly. Not romantically or sexually. You thought, and you were aware, that it wasn't right.
It felt like you can’t breathe in the fresh air like you’re halfway underwater. It makes you get goosebumps that feel like needles on your skin. Like a bad memory, you don’t want to remember but it’s stuck in your mind, just being replayed over and over. Sometimes it stops, you think it’s gone but it comes back. It always comes back, with a harder punch. It makes your heart drop. And you swear you'll never do it again.
The third time it happened was in Azerbaijan. That's when your girlfriend found out.
You can't blame anyone for it. You weren't discreet at all. You simply left the paddock together and were seen by Anthony. But that's not what triggered it all.
The mark on your neck, the living proof that you were a disgusting person, was there. Anthony saw it. Of all the people who could come to you at that moment, exactly her best friend came. He saw the sign and assumed your girlfriend did it, right? Why assume anything else? Why would he assume that the sign was made by another woman with whom you fuck?
You didn't realize he saw the sign. Why? Because you had no idea of such a sign on your skin. Why was he there? Why had Kelly left a mark on you? She knew better than not to do such a thing.
You discovered the sign when you were looking for your girlfriend everywhere but she was not in the paddock; she was on a walk with Anthony to calm herself down, but you didn't know the reason.
How could you explain to your girlfriend why you have a hickey on your neck? A plausible explanation for her to believe.
When you saw her coming, you realized she found out. Her eyes were red as if she spent the last hours crying. And your heart broke. You triggered this. At that moment you realized that you fucked everything you had best in this world and you wanted to die.
You believe it’s wrong to assume that infidelity or lack thereof is in any way related to how much someone loves another.
Yes, you can love someone and cheat on them.
Cheating has nothing to do with your feelings for the other person.
It has nothing to do with anything the other person does or fails to do.
The person that is being cheated on did not somehow fall short of expectations.
It's an attempt to quench a particular brand of insecurity: the cheater harbors a form of self-doubt temporarily assuaged by cheating.
She broke up with you. It was wrong of you to assume that she will get you back after everything you've done.
So why did you cheat on Y / N in the first place? So she won't hurt you. Instead, you hurt her and you hurt yourself in the process.
That night you sent a long text message to Kelly, ending your forbidden relationship.
'Although I knew that our relationship could not become more than occasional sex and that what I was doing was wrong, I allowed myself to taste the forbidden fruit and throw myself into this passionate relationship. Maybe if you had asked me the other day, I would have said that I like sex with you, but now that is no longer true. I'm disgusted that it got to this point where I ended up hurting the woman I love. It wasn't fair to you either. I used you, and I'm sorry, but I feel like we used each other more. I hope you'll get everything you want in life. Take care.'
"Do you want to know what happened?" you ask Christian. "Well, find out I was an idiot who thought he could avoid a hard break up by fucking another woman." Christian seems stunned by your violent confession. "I thought if I fucked Kelly I could somehow protect myself from a broken heart. I don't know. I'm stupid, an idiot, an imbecile, a moron, and all the synonyms in English."
Christian listens to you carefully. After you finished saying what you had to say, he seemed to choose his words very carefully.
"We are humans. We make mistakes. Sometimes we hurt others, sometimes we hurt only ourselves. Do you regret what you did?"
"Of course I'm sorry."
"If you are feeling guilty now, it means you must have learned something, that makes you feel guilty now, which was not there when you were doing the things which are now making you feel guilty. Forgive yourself. You are an imperfect human being, just like every other human in existence. Whatever you did, if you need to apologize to her, then do so. Y/N deserves the validation that you harmed them, and by apologizing, you show to others that you are not the bad person they may think you are. But mostly - forgive yourself and move on. That is really all anyone can do. From here on, be the person you wish you were in your past. Be the most honest, loving, caring, and kind person that you can possibly be."
"I apologized to her that night."
"She needs time to process everything that happened. She went through a traumatic experience."
The fact that you talked to Christian gave you hope. You wanted to win her back. You knew it was going to be hard. Y/N didn't trust you anymore. But you weren't going to give up too easily. So the first step was to talk to Anthony.
You haven't talked to Anthony since she left and you felt like he was ignoring you. Rightly tho: you hurt his best friend.
"Hey, Anthony. Do you think we can talk a little?"
Anthony looks up from the tablet in his hand and looks at you. He was stuck in the corner, he couldn't refuse you now.
"Let me guess, do you want to talk about Y/N?"
"Is that really that obvious?"
"I think if you were interested in the rear wing of the car, you would go to someone else."
"Is she okay? It's been seven months and... I don't know anything about her."
Anthony is thinking you can see the wheels spinning in his mind. He didn't know if it was okay to talk to you about her.
"Yes. She's fine."
You bite your lip. He basically answered your question. Short and to the point, right? Now you could turn around and leave. But you wanted to know more.
"That's good..." you say. "I'm glad she's fine."
"She's happy. She's with a guy."
Your broken heart broke once more at the sound of that phrase. She is in a relationship with a guy. Good for her. That means she recovered after you shattered her trust.
"Yes..." he says. "I just can't stand the guy and no matter how much I hate you right now, I still prefer you for her."
Aristotle said, “Hope is the dream of the waking man.”. Hope is the unshakeable belief that no matter how bad our circumstances, that somehow, someway, everything will turn out alright or even good for us in the end.
Someone once said, “We can live a few weeks without food; a few days without water and a few minutes without air, but we cannot last a single second without hope.”
Hope battles despair in our mind, the little evil voice that claims to be “realism” that claims to see things as they are - doomed to fail, without the possibility of success, that we are luckless, loveless, unlovable.
That's what you felt at that moment: hope.
Because even though you were a dick, Anthony still wanted you for Y/N. And you know how much she appreciates the advice of her best friend.
"Even though she's with him, she still loves you, you know? She never stopped loving you. Even though you broke her heart and she needed a psychiatrist to get over it, she still loves you. And I hate you for doing this to her. I hate you messed with her head, but I know what you did with... her... doesn't define you. I don't want to know the details. But I want to know one thing. Do you still love her?"
"Do you want her back?"
"I will help you."
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