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myun-saidthoughts · 2 years

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8TH House Synastry: Comparing 3 Different People and How They All Make the HOUSE Person (Me) Feel.

I have 3 people in my life that fall in my 8th house and they all manifest VERY differently even though i'm the house person in all scenarios.

For background: I'm a Capricon Sun/Rising with Scorpio Moon and have an active 12H (Pluto, Venus, Mercury, Chiron and Lilith)

(I also have a disorganized attachment style and if you know you know)

Person 1: His Moon and Venus fall in my 8H, and they make many aspects to my inner planets.

Below are only the aspects of his two planets in my 8H making to my chart.

Both of those planets tightly opposes my Mars, his Moon squares my Venus (My 5H Ruler), his Venus and Moon trine my Lilith, Mercury, Ascendant, and Jupiter, and his Moon sextiles my Moon (My 7H Ruler)

Side note: His mars is in my 1H, (conjunct my ascendant) and we share more lilith aspects (hard and soft aspects), his South Node conjuncts my Ascendant, I think my Eros or Venus conjuncts his rising, (don't have his exact time of birth)

AND his Neptune squares my Moon. (a major natal placement that I have)

That being said with this particular boy, I have experienced the very stereotypical 8H dynamic. I'm obsessed with him, I think he is so attractive, (objectively and conventionally) I have cried over him multiple times over nothing because of how intense I feel for him, any slight energy change feels like the world is ending. When it's good it's GOOD but when the energy and expectations of how I would want him to treat me is not met, I get so low.

When my expectations are not met, I feel so irritated. Once he didn't say hi to me immediately and I cried on the way home. Prior to that the entire time at the party I was moping and I wanted to leave. He did eventually come up to say hi but the energy affected me so much.

We share mutual friends but nothing ever gets passed the flirting and physical stage. He was the first boy in my life where I went up to and kissed in front of people and that energy is not me, I don't do PDA but with him I can't help it. I just want him.

When I was with him for two days consecutively I easily became so used to his energy, so much so that without him the following days I felt numb. Nothing made me 'high' like that so I moped for like a week. It's like I suddenly craved his presence?

I want to show him the vulnerable side of me, I want to be open. The idea feels safe for me and naturally nothing scares me more, so to of found a boy that made me feel okay with being seen, I was hooked. It's so easy to allow yourself to want them and it's so easy to romantically be open towards them. You don't have any fear of being emotionally vulnerable.

The thing about 8H synastry; you know you shouldn't go towards this person because you know how badly they can hurt you, but you can't help it. You can't help but still want this person to be apart of your life, even if that means them being the ones who end up hurting you in a way no one ever has.

Them leaving somehow hurts more than them inconsistently staying.

I'm pretty sure my moon is in his 12H and there's been times where he would know how I'm feeling with no words. Once I walked into a bar and had to leave immediately when I got there (before saying hi to him) I see him, smile and go up to him to hug him (wishing I could've stayed) he blurts out "You're leaving?!" I have no clue how he knew that since that was my first hello towards him at that bar. Another time when I was at a party with him and he wasn't giving me that much attention so I was moping and just sort of avoiding conversation with others and so the second I went to go cry in the restroom I walked passed him and I heard "Wait!" I ignored it because but I said to myself was that him? There's no real tangible reason why he should feel responsible for me. Some of me thinks a part of him felt that? I know he knows I care, my emotions can't be hidden from him in any way. This could be biased but there's just a lot of "I know what you're thinking" and vice versa.

(We also share more Neptune/Psyche/Eros/Lilith synastry: his Psyche is in my 8H and my Psyche conjuncts his Lilith)

Everytime I see him we flirt and are touchy with each other, the chemistry is OBVIOUS and I don't hold back any desire. When we were making out I literally said to his face "I want you" (we share more mars-venus/mars-asc/moon-mars synastry) So this is all very typical 8H energy.

I want him to want to kiss me so bad, he just grabs me and kisses me. (Ha ha update funny enough he actually has said that sentence word for word to me in person😏)

That being said, I do feel more obsessed and dependent on him. So this relates to exactly what you read with this synastry, it's intoxicating, amazing, overwhelming, full of emotion and desire.

So all of this energy is literally the only way I would ever fall for someone, so there's that.

(And he is my exact physical type).

Update: I haven't seen the boy in over a month and I feel like i'm with-drawling. Knowing I could have seen him was worse than me not seeing him. (date 10/6/22)

Update: Ok so I haven't seen him and It's been 5 months now and I am still struggling. It comes in waves mainly. It's so easy to idealize our past interactions and so easy for me to hold onto him since the feeling he used to give me was so intense. I do miss feeling like that yet I go back and fourth with feeling unsatisfied and low to letting it go. (: 1/2/23)

Update: I finally ran into him. So, he's been doing his own thing for so long and he finally went out on Saturday to the club. He passes me and I tapped him saying “Hi” he looked at me and said “I'm leaving” (I think) So no hug and I said “Okay." I haven't seen or spoken to him in 8 months, so I cried (or more like sobbed) coming home because it hurts, these expectations that manifest from this synastry is a lot, it overwhelms and I didn’t think I was going to be this affected but still I am. (2/4/23) *insight: he was dating his girl-best friend that despised my existence during this time but they broke up in March of 2023 - 1/23/24*

Update: I saw him again, and I didn't cry. I walk up to him and he instantly says, "How are you, how is school going for you?" I responded and then his friend whom I don't know walked over and pushed him out of the way. His friend was overly attentive towards me, and his friend called me cute, while speaking to me but I was just looking at him (the 8h synastry boy). After a minute or two, he started yelling to his friend to come, and his friend ignored, he then shouted his friends name, and nothing, finally his friend got closer and closer to my face, and I moved away (and the second he saw that), he instantly grabbed his friend by the neck and shoulders and shoved his friend away from me? I was not forthcoming towards the friend since I still have this psycho loyalty to him but anyway after his friend called me cute and after he pulled his friend away, the friend couldn't even look or speak to me after? His friend was afraid of me lmfao, just so avoidant. I barely spoke to him after (the boy I share 8h synastry with) but we kept making eye contact. His friend then was staring at me and was dabbing him up, saying like "no way man" while grinning and patting his back and grabbing his neck? Then the 8h synastry boy and his friend who dabbed him up, was walking towards me and I saw his eyes, then he abruptly turned and decided to talk to the girl who was next to me instead? He walked away then later on I passed him and tapped onto him saying "Hi," he said "Hi" we conversed for a second and then he said "I have to go find my friend." I don't understand his cute energy at the very beginning and the pulling away/shoving of his friend, and the friend being overly cautious and avoidant to me after, and that same friend dapping him up (saying yes man admiring him in a way), and then him talking to a girl next to me? Then him walking away leaving us with barely having any conversation? I feel like he got jealous i received attention from his friend and since he cares that makes him upset? like he gets annoyed at himself for being jealous because he has no right too? that's just how i feel though. Anyway interesting night. (5/2/23)

Update: I saw him again and he didn't go up to me to say hi, instead he just walked over to where I was 3 times and stood there, with no conversation; so that hurt. I had a feeling I was going to see him out so I had expectations, when I saw him last that was out of no where so I had no expectations, it's like when I'm aware I might run into his energy that's when I get the 8H effect but when it's completely random I feel like I have no set claim and however he treats me is somehow okay (how he talked to that girl right next to me instead of giving me attention was somehow ok in my book because I didn't expect to see him out, but him not saying hi or bye at a place where I expected to see him was what broke me. I also in general have low respect for myself, meaning if someone treats me poorly it's somehow justifiable; especially with him (5/6/23)

Update: Guys, i saw him last night and he was so flirtatious towards me, the second he saw me he complimented me instantly, but he was SO drunk. At the beginning of our convo he was just talking to my sister and my friend and I wasn't really involved and I just looked at him & in my mind I was like hellooo are you going to talk to me so I just stared a few times and I feel like he knew what I was feeling because he suddenly put his arm around me and didn't let go. I was so painfully sober so I was so shy and taken back by this energy. After my friend and sister left, he was grabbing me, holding onto me, he literally said "you look so cute tonight" "when i first saw you all i wanted to do was grab you, pull you in and kiss you" "can i kiss you?" cupping my cheeks as he was kissing me, holding my waist, asking for longer kisses and everyone saw. There were all our mutual friends watching so I kept being so shy, he kelt saying "you're the prettiest girl here" "if you want a drink just go up to any man at the bar and ask for one" "i want you" and at the beginning my friend was being overly aggressive (long story) and he was like "okay since youre her (me) friend you can say whatever, her niceness overcompensates anything you say" but once we were alone he just grabbing me complimenting me, saying he wants me, and i just kept laughing and smiling and kind of rushing the kisses because people were looking and so i said everyone's watching and he was like "so what i wanna kiss you" at one point i just kept laughing and he was kissing my cheek and he said "do you even want to kiss me?" bc i was so shy. Prior to this entire thing he completely ignored me while his friend hugged and talked to me, and so i mentioned that, and he was like "i dont want to pressure you or interrupt you when you're talking to someone, i wanna let you do you" ?? something like that, I feel like he was convinced that i didn't like him anymore because it's been so long. After we just kept flirting and he was just holding onto my waist, looking into my eyes, pulling me in, it was a 15 minute conversation and he was just insistently complimenting me. Then he got a phone call & his friend was looking for him, and he said "i have to go, kiss me goodbye" and i did and it was rushed again because i was nervous as fuck and he said "no i want a better kiss, kiss me again" I don't feel this crazy high or crazy in love so i'm so confused on how that's even possible? I feel normal like as if it didn't happen? Maybe i'm in shock and i'm disbelief lmao. (this is probably venus retrograde and he has a lot of mars/venus/moon/jupiter conjuncts/soft transits happening to his chart) (7/15/23)

Update: I saw him last night and I do have this "high" but because I think i'm healing my attachment style I'm not *overly* fixating on his energy, but since im so attracted to him I can easily say out loud i'm in love with him. He was nice, I complimented him and he complimented me back, it wasn't intense but felt nice. I'm not experiencing a low (today after seeing him) even after he kissed me and said everything I ever could have wanted (a month ago) if he said half those things to me last year i would have fainted, but the acceptance of receiving and giving love still lingers and I am still open towards him unlike how I am with other people. (8/3/23)

Update: I saw him last night, he was sober I was too, and he didn't acknowledge my existence or say hi. he passed me as if he didn't know me, his ex was there and she hates me (because they dated after knowing he wanted me first, they ended things but she became sui*cial because the relationship wasn't working anyway different story for a different day), but regardless him acting like that shattered me, i'm not in a low state but the value and loss i feel is deep. he has never not said hi to me before, he has acted weird like this though in the past but that was when we would consistently talk or see each other out? i haven't spoken to him since august and nothing romantic has happened since july? what's notable about this is the fact that this connection just can't be light hearted, i'm stuck feeling like he hates me, and can't help but picture seeing him out again and having him ignore me like he did today. that alone brings me more sadness. his lack of assurance shatters any value i have within, his lack of attention creates my self worth void to grow. we never have dated, we have never even formally hung out one on one yet this doesn't feel like a shallow connection, especially on my end. i'm going to try and rebuild the value he disrupts in me, im sad but i will be okay. (10/26/23)

Update: guess who saw him! I saw him last night due to a mutual friend's birthday and he immediately hugged & walked up to me. He was with another friend & his friend saw me 👀 stare at him because hello I can't help it! and then I passed him again randomly and I just tapped him & said "you look cuttee🥹" while smiling TO WHICH HE smiled big & said "you look cute!🤭" then throughout the night after we kept looking over at one another. (03/27/24) Update: So..I saw him again and it was nothing special. He said hi which was nice but I wasn't enthralled or automatically obsessed, he still had my attention but I felt more grounded. A weird instance did occur though. His best friend was talking to me and for some reason I felt like he didn't like that, and so he started talking to these three girls next to us. His best friend is someone I know as well and his best friend said to me "let's take a selfie together!" to which he looked over in confusion, then he said to his other friend (who I know) and said "Yo man I want you to meet this girl" after (the girl he was talking to next to us). It didn't bother me but I feel like he gets jealous, then he gets upset at himself for being jealous. I can't tell if this is our 12th house synastry talking or my 12th house venus but he has done this before (if you read up a few updates) where when I get attention from his friends and he completely goes into A SHIFT of weirdness. Ok first of all mr. when I was talking to his best friend I actually passed him first and so I smiled to which he smiled back but ultimately he WALKED away from me okay. And as I was talking to his best friend he didn't come up to join the conversation, instead he just looked over all confused and stared, he only made a face and talked to the three girls next to him. Weird ass behavior fr. (He still looked cute though smh) 04/10/24

Person 2: His Moon is in my 8H.

His Moon conjuncts my Vertex, opposes my Uranus, and Neptune, and his Moon trines my Pluto.

There's no aspects from his Moon to any of my inner planets.

(his South Node conjuncts my Sun, his Mars tightly conjuncts my Lilith and his ascendant tightly squares my Lilith)

(I am the Pluto and Lilith in these aspects; but his Moon is in my 8H, although with certain housing systems my Moon could fall in his 8H since he is a late Pisces rising)

With this boy, when I first laid eyes on him I was drawn in, he is cute, my type, but not entirely so compared to the first boy. There is sexual attraction though. When I'm drunk I can feel myself getting intimate with him which is incredibly rare for me. Yet there is no obsession or desire that's overwhelming me. Fear of vulnerability was always something that lingered even with him. (a boy I share 8H synastry with) I didn't like the idea of him seeing me, or me opening up. He asked me to do lunch a bunch of times but when I was sober I didn't like him really, as much as I did when I was drunk. I sometimes even would avoid texting him because I knew he would ask to hangout. He was definitely more emotional available (the way I'm not).

Nothing crazy ever happened between us besides some quite innocent kisses. Hence when we did kiss, I didn't have this urge to take things further or to create a more steamy scenario.

I'll admit though only when I am drunk do I find myself wanting to speak to him in a flirtatious manner which I don't do to anyone else, ever. I do find myself thinking of him when I am drunk and only when I see him in my peripheral vision?? I don't feel comfortable with being open or with showing him off, it's more attractive to me for him to be someone to sneak around with and have our tension be underlying, only where him and I can feel or see it, away from the public eye. I'm being really transparent lmfao.

In our Composite Chart we have: Lilith, South Node, Mars, Venus, Neptune and Mercury in the 12H

Update: So I do see this boy out often and like I said there's always an underlying feeling of tension but nothing is overwhelming me really to want him. I would only want to sneak around with him in a secretive manner; even if he was single, I only prefer it being in that dynamic. The feeling isn't near obsessive though, I can look at him and feel nothing too deep. I think it's because *I* am not consciously allowing him in, therefore the 8th house synastry is not being activated. Since I don't have that intention of truly wanting him, I don't feel the 8th house effects, especially since his Moon does not form any aspects to my inner planets. More than anything there's more of a hidden tension that I feel from him, even though there's no words stating these things, I can just read it through his eyes? This all screams mainly our Lilith synastry (date: 2/4/23)

Person 3: His Moon and rising are in my 8H.

His Moon conjuncts my North Node and Vertex, his rising conjuncts my Vertex, his Moon opposes my Neptune, his Ascendant opposes my Mars, his Moon Squares my Saturn, and Moon (My 7H Ruler), his Ascendant trines my Jupiter, Pluto, and Venus. (My 5H Ruler)

So for reference i'll just state all our close fated synastry: His vertex conjuncts my rising & mercury, his venus conjuncts my IC, his south node conjuncts my sun, ascendant and widely conjuncts my mercury (6 degrees), his moon conjuncts my north node, his moon and rising conjuncts my vertex, my mars conjuncts his descendant, & his vertex widely conjuncts my sun (7 degree orb)

So with this boy it's only platonic feelings. When I first met him three years ago and I have never romantically cared for him, there isn't any intense attraction for me. He is cute but not really my type. He is also younger, and he has dated my friend so there really isn't any romantic or sexual feelings anywhere. The most interesting thing with this relationship is how I feel close to him, I feel safe to state, act, and be just how I am, with no filter, care or even worry. It is SO easy with him but we share so much Vertex and Nodal synastry. I care for him deeply but I still don't feel the dire desire to share myself to him. There's been numerous times where I have thought of him and he has texted me in those same moments. So there is this telepathic vibe that we have as well. I believe since he allowed me in we both could feel each other compared to other friendships. That being said, there is no tension or desire to have him romantically in any way. I do however have this expected claim for him? I notice when he doesn't say hi or come up to me, my mood shifts and I also get annoyed when other people intrude our conversations. I expect a certain response/energy for him and I need him to match it to keep me not hurt. This feels like more 8H energy since it's like our relationship takes on more Scorpio (8H) traits, and I can feel the difference with him compared to other people. He also gets jealous and protective over me, any attention I receive from boys he is keenly aware and makes sure he says Hi to them. He feels a lot with me (he called me his comfort zone too and he always exclaims how much he cares and loves me as a person PLATONICALLY, I know how that sounds but truly if I could place my feelings on here you would understand I just love him as a friend and vice versa, I believe that feeling comes from his Venus conjuncting my IC) I also do feel a high from his presence, I get happy and I feel secure, safe, and in the moment.

Update: He is infatuated with his girlfriend so he's been MIA, though I want him happy he is hurting my feelings. We haven't spoken in a few weeks and I understand why, I do respect him and his girlfriend and I know I don't have this 'expected right' to his energy (logically so) but his absence does hurt me. I'm letting it go though because his relationship has nothing to do with me and again this is probably 8H synastry. (date: 11/23/22)

Update: So I saw him and he was with his girlfriend, I still care about him a lot but I consciously told myself to create a barrier with my emotion so he wouldn't hurt me. He is choosing her over me which is understandable and that's why I decided to create this block for me. He tried conversing with me instantly but I was stand offish. His girlfriend is insecure with us and that's another reason why I wasn't initiating conversations. He kept looking at me and his girlfriend was acting weird asf, she was grabbing his face so he wouldn't look at me and intensely kissing him? Anyway I do want him happy and I'm accepting how things are at face value. I have to consciously tell myself to not place more value onto him because I know I can. And me caring deeply again would only take 2 seconds lmao. (4/1/23)

Update: He is single now! I sometimes feel the need to lower my energy or attention towards him when we are out because I just feel what everyone is thinking, lmao. He also can READ my mind, he knows exactly what I am thinking ALL the time, without a doubt, has no hesitation and exceeds my expectations as a friend (especially since I have a 11H Scorpio Moon) I appreciate that deeply. (His Venus is in my 4H, his Moon and rising are in my 8H, and his Mars is in my 12H, so we have immense amount of water house synastry so telepathic energy x10. He has no water influence in his chart besides a 12th house Moon and Scorpio IC and maybe 8th house Venus depending on housing but he sincerely and whole heartedly knows my exact thoughts with EASE, he knows what my soul needs to hear in order to feel "okay") Date 10/15/23

Update: NVM he is back with her, I haven't hanged out with him since October. I'm so nostalgic and I miss his energy, he went to one halloween party with her and he didn't give me the expectation I was hoping for (meaning he said hi but barely because he was distracted with other people but since I have such high expectations from him I was sad he didn't exceed them) I drunkenly texted him saying "you hurt me" and then I apologized for that text because it was out of line and he responded saying "whaaat i'm genuinely so sorry if i did something, i think i was just really distracted but I genuinely never want to hurt you" and i said "no its okay! i'm sorry again it's okay hope you had fun!" Like .... 8th house synastry does NOT mess around! Everything feels so intensely and it can't be light hearted when there is care involved. Since I allowed him in (vice versa) I feel this 8th house effects. I understand his distance since his girlfriend HATES me with a passion, she openly complains about me to him and has been throughout their entire relationship and from an outside perspective I get it, I do. He is dating her not me but wow, 8th house synastry just makes everything heavy. I expect his undivided attention when I shouldn't especially since he has a GF that I know he cares about. Point is, even with knowing that the 8th house effects brings in illogicalness, nothing truly really matters to me just him and I, BUT I consciously always have to place a barrier due to his gf so I won't feel hurt. Date 10/31/23

That being said, I think when people say 8H synastry is confusing because of how differently it can manifest.

Initial attraction/desire and aspects of the planets in your 8H I think makes the entire connection (especially if you're as closed off as I am).

First Boy: We share the most sexual energy and stereotypically 8H feelings, and I think our aspects indicate as such. There is instant initial attraction, personally, he is a 10 out of 10 in my eyes with or without the synastry overlays I would find this boy so attractive. His physical appearance is everything I find attractive in a boy. He can read me like a book and I can't hide my desire for him, I want to be vulnerable and care for him, I want him to see all of me and I feel comfortable with that idea. Everything feels deep and falls into my core, I can feel myself being able to truly fall for him. Any and all of his actions affect me on a profound level and I can't help but show my affection/dissatisfaction for him in public. (In our Composite we have Libra Moon, Venus, and MC)

Second Boy: Initial attraction was there so I did pursue him but the aspects we had were not intense so the intensity was much lower compared to the first boy. I have thought of kissing him while he had a gf which is weird af for me (maybe that's lilith?). Attraction did somewhat fade away after a year. There is no intense desire, only when I'm drunk and more open do I let my guard down, and would be willing to flirt or kiss. He feels more like a forbidden fruit (this feels like lilith energy) kind of interest in my opinion, my interest in him lies in the fact he wants me but can't have me, and the fact I want him in a more secretive way. Underlying tension and teasing gets me more, I don't care to get into the depths of his soul really unlike the first boy. I only seeing myself sneaking off somewhere with him if I was bored and drunk. (Which I did once)

Third boy: No initial attraction, the planet and rising that fell in my 8H made some intense aspects to my inner planets (Mars, Moon & Venus). There is no intense obsession or romantic desire if at all on my end. I do think of him a lot especially now because we are so close. Him replying my texts does shift my mood, and I see a noticeable difference, since I allowed him in, it's like a 'high. (similar to the first boy) I do place him on a pedestal, and his actions do affect me even though there's no obsession or sexual urge towards him. I do notice I need him to treat me in a certain way (friend wise) so I won't be disappointed or hurt but I know that's probably 8H synastry talking. His absence does affect me.

Lastly, I don't easily form feelings towards anyone; ever, like genuinely. I physically get sick at the idea of ever receiving love, in this life my biggest lesson/karma is accepting affection and vulnerability, I'm working through it but for me it's 100x harder than another person. To gain curiosity, let alone interest there would have to be certain things that would have to take place, and I would have to feel a specific way. I need to be attracted mentally, emotionally and physically. I have abandonment issues (disorganized attachment style) I fear commitment and stable 'love' so, for the first boy to make me feel the way I do is unreal. He genuinely checks off every crazy box of mine. But I don't really know him. Could this just be the 8H synastry talking?

Also, in my Moon Persona chart I am a Scorpio Sun and Rising. I want to mesh souls, I want emotion, I want to feel everything just by looking into the eyes of my person, I want to be okay with giving a part of myself to him, and because I do with the first boy, this all just emphasizes my attention and attraction.

Note: (Normally for me to care about someone universal coincidences and experiences have to happen, there has to be some random crazy thing that happens in my life per se that this person is connected to e.g, meeting him online & him being across the world, then one random night I bump into him in a local LA bar, e.g, meeting him online when he lives in another state + no correlation to my going out scene and a month later randomly seeing him out at a party with the same people I always go out with and casually know (hint that happened with the first boy) e.g, someone I keep running into or having an unexpected pull towards to. Things like that will only get my attention. This stems from my 12H Venus)

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aa-stony · 1 year

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AVENGERS ASSEMBLE VS MCU - the post.

We’re going to compare both universes :), so buckle up and get ready bc this is gonna be a wild ride.

( this isn’t my way to try and point which one is better, I love them both, but it’s my opinion )

1- THE AVENGERS.

MCU’s avengers are full of angst. I think their film has the biggest joke count, but they spend like 80% of the saga arguing, which, I gotta admit, makes better their bonding moments, but still.

Steve’s the leader.

AA’s avengers are the dream team. They do not work together anymore but they assemble one more time to save their friend ( because that’s what they are, friends ) and then keep working together. They know each other, they understand how everyone works and are practically a well-oiled machine.

Tony is the leader.

MCU’s Avengers work together because they need to, AA’s because they want to, and it shows in the team dynamics.

2- STEVE AND TECH/PAST

Both Steves are old men, so we obviously can’t expect them to be as skilled with technology as anyone who was born after the eighties.

MCU’s Steve lives in the past. He tries to adapt to the future but we can’t see him actually trying to live there. When he has the chance to go live with Peggy in the 50s, he takes it. We don’t know if he gave it much thought, but he spent years in the twentieth century and he still couldn’t find a single reason to stay.

( Natasha and Tony were dead, but he still had Buck, Sam, Clint, Thor, Bruce Sharon, Peter P, the rest of the avengers… )

When AA’s Steve was given the opportunity to return to the Second World War with Peggy, he realised that his life was now there.

He was used to searching on the internet, and holograms, and murderous robots, and phone calls, and spaceships and else. He was used to the avengers, to having a team. A family.

And he knew he couldn’t give that up.

He wants to honor his past, not live in it.

[ also here’s a link with cool headcanons I really liked about this ]

As OP said in her post: people like to forget that modern technology is really intuitive, and Steve shouldn’t have that much trouble using it.

Pd: in AA there’s a scene in which Tony promises Steve to help him understand technology, one step at a time without it being overwhelming, if he teaches him how to be a little more “Analog”.

I’m not saying either of them ( Steves ) loves technology, but only one of them introduces it into his life and is eager to learn about it even if it’s hard for him.

3- HOWARD STARK

I wanted to talk about it given that in both universes Howard has appeared and/or has been talked about by Tony.

Neither AA nor MCU had me satisfied with this point.

⛔️( TW: alcoholism, parent abuse, underage drinking until after the green light )⛔️

Howard Stark is known to be a shitty dad in every universe. In the comics, he verbally and physically abused Tony and because of that he turned his back to people, because they, unlike machines, were too unpredictable. He forced him to drink alcohol from a young age, he tried to trade him to Dracula for immortality, he fought him in hell, he sent him to a boarding school because he wasn’t “man enough” and there are many fucking more.

Both Tonys have trouble with self-worth, building relationships, talking his problems, showing weakness and are always trying to make themselves necessary, and whose fault is that? Exactly. ✳️

They spent years resenting Howard for everything he did and everything he was not ( a caring, supportive, DECENT parent ) ( which they had all the right to do ), and still they tried to live up to his expectations. Even dead he was still making them feel not enough.

He always compared them to Steve Rogers, the perfect soldier and the perfect man, which made Tony resent Steve too when he met him.

What does this prove? Resentment is corrosive ( see what I did there? ) and Tony had no reason to love Howard! He only felt bad, insecure and unsafe around him, and all he makes him feel before and after his death was self-loath and resentment.

Maybe AA and MCU’s Howard didn’t do all that, but the series/films still showed that he wasn’t a good father either.

MCU’s Howard told Tony in endgame he already loved his son even if he hadn’t even been born yet. [ literal words: Let me tell you, that kid’s not even here yet, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him ] This initially comes as sweet, right? Because he loved Tony.

But when you think about it, this means that Tony didn’t live up to his expectations, like it was his fault his father didn’t like/love him and he failed even if he didn’t do anything. He literally said he loved him more when he wasn’t there than when he was. He told him he did something wrong, when all he was doing was be himself.

No wonder he has self-esteem issues.

He didn’t do anything for him, except filling him up with trauma.

Both Howards said that Tony was their greatest creation. ( MCU’s a few moments after neglecting him and make him feel like a nuisance ), as if the way Tony turned out ( a good, intelligent, caring man ) had anything to do with him. He turned out that way TO NOT BE like him. Because all the shit he had to go through made him care.

He was never there for Tony, he TAPED himself doing fatherly-things instead of teaching them to his own son personally ( okay, he died, but Tony was like 17 when he did, he had the time, he just didn’t spend it with him ) [ https://smthgavengersassemble.tumblr.com/post/160060510540 ]

And when Steve talks about them in both universes, he does it as if he were a hero and Tony had to make him proud. AND TONY AGREES.

[ AA 2x17- Transcript -

Tony: you don’t get it, Arsenal was my father’s greatest creation

Steve: no, you don’t get it. Arsenal’s not you father’s greatest creation. You are. Make him proud, Tony ]

*GASPS*

THE AUDACITY!

When they met him as their adult-selves, they hugged him and had conversations with him as if he wasn’t ( in the best case ) an absent parent and ( in the worst ) an abusive one.

[ Here’s a nice post about that ]

So can anyone really be mad about Tony not trusting people or coming off as “mean” or “harsh” just because he’s afraid of getting hurt?

Next time I talk to a Howard Stark apologist I will commit a crime.

4- TEAM DYNAMICS

AA’s Tony is the leader, though he’ll take Steve advice blindly. He usually calls the shots but everyone’s free to give their ideas ( which will be heard and taken into consideration ). The rest of the team mostly just follow Steve and Tony’s orders because in the heat of the battle there isn’t much time for consideration.

AA’s Tony is sarcastic, charismatic, practical, intelligent ( duh ) and mathematical. He’s all about probabilities and physics and stuff, but he also has his moments of what I call “believing in the power of love”, which basically means acknowledging that being human, “vulnerable” and different from each other is what actually makes them invincible and unbreakable.

When he jokes he does it to make people believe he’s funny or to make them laugh ( at least that’s what I think )

MCU’s Tony is all of the above except “the power of love” moments. He loves humanity but he doesn’t acknowledge it as much as AA’s does.

When he jokes he doesn’t do it to come up as “funny”. He’ll say everything and If it’s fun, cool. If not, he doesn’t care.

He’s cool, tired, and he has spent all of the saga adopting every child he’s come across [ Dad!Tony Stark ]

AA’s Steve is way less problematic than MCU’s. He’s lighter, takes things seriously but not to an extreme. He cares about trainings and being prepared, he takes his job seriously and is very responsible.

MCU’s Steve is more serious, we don’t see him worry a lot about everyone training, just him. He cares about plans and preparation. He is also more conflictive.

In AA when Steve and Tony have a disagreement they talk, and they don’t attack each other ( verbally or physically ). They communicate. In the MCU all they do is fight and accuse each other, never really talking, but arguing because the other doesn’t make things the way they would.

[ this post shows the differences between AA and MCU’s Steve ( and Stony ) perfectly: ]

Clint ( ah, where to begin with )

AA’s Clint has nothing to do with MCU’s.

They literally just share the name and the aim.

AA’s is more like 616’s Clint. He’s carefree, cocky, fun, cool… he’s like the teenager who thought he was a cool kid. He loves food and 80% of his dialogues are bad puns ( or really good ones ), and he wears glasses because of the aesthetic.

MCU’s is serious, a certified dad. He jokes sometimes but nothing to really remember him for.

Nat is Clint’s best friend in every universe.

Gotta admit it, I like MCU’s Nat more than I do AA’s ( even though

In AA she is like this serious, mean, badass, harsh, mom of the group lesbian. ( she’s not a lesbian but she could be ), and I love her, but MCU’s more elegant while still being all of the above, and that’s the Natasha we love and would die for.

AA’s Thor is comics’ Thor. He talks like he’s a thousand years old ( which he is ) and has all this respect for the war and the customs of each culture.

MCU’s Thor is like some dummy in comparison. In the first two movies he’s serious and war-like, but in the last two he’s a lighter, funnier, sort-of-dumber version. ( Don’t saying I don’t love him, NOBODY CAN HATE THOR )

Now Hulk. In AA we usually just get to see Hulk, not Banner, and we gotta admit that Hulk is smarter in the series than in the MCU.

In the MCU we get to see Banner, which is a plus, and even though he’s not my favourite character I don’t dislike him.

And last, but not least, Falcon. Now if the hawkeyes were different, this is a whole other level.

They don’t have ANYTHING in common. Not even the age.

They’re both Sam Wilson and they’re both Falcon. That’s it.

In AA he’s practically still a kid, he’s like 20 years old and really smart. He usually helps Tony in the lab and creates stuff of his own too, but he shares Steve’s patriotism. He’s a mommy’s kid and he’s the newbie, but he doesn’t really shine.

In the MCU he’s a middle-aged man, ex-soldier and gives the best advice. He’s really sure of himself, he started off as a secondary character but now he’s a protagonist and captain America ( loved that ). He really steals the thunder when he’s in the scene, and he’s cool af.

AA’s avengers are much closer than MCU’s. They share things in common, experiences, they live together. There’s a certain domesticity we can see in each chapter, plus the banter and the “Hulk finished all the popcorn” stuff. They also help each other out, they have their bonding moments, they get over their pasts with each other’s help… they can count on each other unconditionally.

[ There was a time they were fighting Thanos and they won, so they were in the tricarrier and Steve felt something was off. He acted in consequence, and told the team Thanos was messing with their minds. He said “don’t you feel something’s not right?” ( or something like that ) and Tony answered “No, but if you do that’s good enough for me”. AND THEY ALL FOUGHT AGAINST THANOS. Now, THAT’s TRUST. THAT’s TEAMWORK ]

( credit to @justlous-art )

In the MCU they have some sort of strict-work relationship because they’ve proved that they can’t be together without a war for more than five minutes, at least on screen. We’ve seen them have parties and eat together, but it’s not like they’re actually connecting ( short of Nat & Clint, Nat & Steve and Hulk/Banner & Thor ).

That doesn’t mean they don’t care for each other deeply or that they can’t be considered friends, after all they’ve been through together there’s no doubt they care, just that they don’t share the same relationship and there are some parts missing.

5- AVENGERS DISASSEMBLED/CIVIL WAR

Now here’s something really simple and really complicated at the same time.

These two events happened because of different reasons.

When the avengers disassembled in AA it was because Tony kept important secrets regarding the team’s and Earth’s well-being and safety. He was putting them in danger, running blindly into the unknown, and Steve gave him a few opportunities to amend that, and he knew that he was on thin ice, but still he didn’t.

Steve told him he couldn’t be in a team where he couldn’t trust the leadership, so he left, and Hulk, Falcon and Natasha left with him.

They formed two different teams, one lead by Tony and other by Steve ( who was working with shield ) and even though they weren’t on talking terms, they still worked together ( not merrily, there was a lot of angst between them ) to save the Earth.

MCU’s reason to disband was that they didn’t agree on the sokovia accords

( here’s how each Steve thinks about that btw )

I admit it makes a little sense given the government’s punishments, but it all went downhill in the moment the winter soldier came up.

Now, I understand that MCU’s reason to cause a civil war was much bigger than the accords, and their reactions weren’t so off given that the winter soldier was the murderer of Tony’s parents and Bucky was Steve’s best friend, so I’m not gonna comment on that because I myself couldn’t have done it better.

We all can understand that in the heat of the moment we don’t make rational decisions, and peace was not an option in the moment Tony discovered Steve knew almost everything from the beginning and didn’t tell him. ( that was a shitty-person move ) ( Steve totally took Tony’s trust, spat on it and threw it under a truck )

In the link above we can see this gif, which I think counts as a conclusion for this point.

6- STONY

This is the last point, and the one I’ve been looking forward to.

There’s no doubt AA’s Stony is full of sweet, playful banter, care, mistakes, amends, fun, trust and forgiveness.

AA’s stony is the home of gay!Tony and bi!Steve, the fluff one-shot. Mutual pining, best friends to lovers, idiots in love!

MCU’s is more of a bi!Tony, gay!Steve, angsty 300k slowburn. It’s the enemies to lovers version, full of hurt/comfort.

It completely depends on what you want, and that’s totally up to the viewer/reader.

( I personally love AA :)) )

AND THAT’S IT!! THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED-TALK!

This one is the friends-to-lovers, established relationship, fluff, one-shot version. The bi!Steve, gay!Tony version.

MCU’s Stony is the Angsty enemies-to-lovers and emotional hurt-comfort slow burn. The bi!Tony, gay!Steve version.

( credit to @dakt37 )

What you choose depends on what you like best, it’s simply a matter of preferences.

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