#because i was a young teenager desperate for validation and to feel like i mattered and belonged and they were nearly adults who knew they

[luvsavos]

random vent(?) in the tags, feel free to ignore i just have a lot of pent up emotions to get out today apparently

#mar.txt #it's weird being aro(?) and yet also longing for a relationship. maybe its just bc almost all of my friends are in one #maybe it's bc of how easily jealous i get #maybe its the fact that i'm constantly being reminded that i am nobody's most important person. there's always someone more important. #maybe it's just the all-consuming，gaping hole of loneliness within me #idk. #i don't even know if i AM actually aro or if i'm just so demi that i may as well be aro or if ive just had so many bad experiences that it #feels impossible for me to feel romantic attraction #a few of my ocs (shara and the alatreon) are how i think i'd describe myself; aro，but willing to be in a relationship provided the other #person isn't bothered by them being aro，bc they have their own equivalent to romantic feelings #i know i'll never have one though. for all my confidence and whatnot i still very much am insecure about my own loveability. because the #only thing life has shown me is that i very much am not loveable. all the way back in first grade ppl were already using me instead of #actually caring #'dating' me to make someone else jealous. so they could have a drug buddie. a fuck buddie. so they could try to manipulate me into things #because i was a young teenager desperate for validation and to feel like i mattered and belonged and they were nearly adults who knew they #could exploit that. i'm surprised i never had anything happen to me beyond being pressured into trying chew tobacco (awful and disgusting) #and doing it every time i was around my 'boyfriend' and his friends #the only two genuine relationships i had didn't last either; one lost feelings after three years and the other just sorta stopped talking to #me and iirc eventually picked up a boyfriend that was actually local instead of long distance #i am not worthy of love. i will never be loved in the way that my friends are. hell i won't ever even find a qpp(?). and that makes me sad. #to know i will always be alone. that i'm destined to die alone. but it is what it is i guess. i just wish it didn't bother me so much. #i wish i could be content in my loneliness and not be jealous of everyone around me. i wish i could accept that i will never be anybody's #most important person. that the only person i can or will ever be the most important to is myself. self love，yeah? ha. #maybe 2024 will have something in store for me. god i hope it does. but i doubt it will. more of my friends will get into relationships， #those already in them will stay in them and/or take a step forward in their relationship. and i will remain alone. just as i always have. #anyways. sorry vent over i'm just. ugh. upset today. emotions are stupid and i want a refund on them. i did not ask to be saddled with the #burden of feeling such intense，suffocating displacement and loneliness. i did not ask to feel these negative emotions so strongly. #i just want to be someone's most important person. i just want to matter.

[nattikay]

this was originally a response to another post but it seems OP blocked me for it so idk if people can still see/interact with said response but heck it i spent a fair while collecting the panels/typing it up so i'm just transferring it over to a new post for anyone else who might be interested in readin'

"Neteyam has to act like a full grown adult [and we should feel bad for him because of this]"

No. Neteyam acts mature because that's his personality, not because it's been forced on him. He chooses to. The idea that he is forced against his will to "act grown-up" and is miserable about it is fanon, not canon.

James Cameron on Neteyam (from the WoW bonus features): "Jamie Flatters plays Neteyam, he's the older brother. He's kind of the guy who most wants to be Jake. He wants to be that warrior."

Jamie Flatters in that same clip:"He just pretty much wants to walk in the footsteps of his father. He's constantly seeking approval [from Jake]"

Note that neither of these, nor anything from the movie or comics, mention anything about external "expectations" or "pressure". Any "pressure" Neteyam experiences to live up to Jake's legacy comes from himself, not from external expectations that have been forced on him. Neteyam WANTS to be a warrior. He WANTS to be like his father and do brave mature grown-up things.

And for the most part, he's pretty good at it too. He's the "golden child" who "excels in all things", the youngest Omatikaya warrior to ever make a clean kill on a sturmbeest. He's strong, smart, brave, noble, and highly skilled for his age.

He knows this, and he wants to do more. Neteyam seeks out more responsibility, especially where fighting is concerned, and it's actually Jake who is hesitant to give it to him, because naturally he fears for his son's life (a very fair and well-founded fear, all things considered :P).

In fact, on the rare occasion that Neteyam does disobey orders, it's in this context of wanting to be part of these adult matters.

"he's too busy training and patrolling instead of acting his age" He is acting his age. His age is "cusp of adulthood". He's not quite there just yet, no, but he's getting close and is eager to get there. He trains and patrols with his parents because HE WANTS TO. He begs to participate in warrior's work.

And if by "act his age" you meant "do teenager things like tease his brother, snicker about immature things, hang out and goof off," etc., guess what he does that too

[originally had a list of relevant GIFs here but tumblr decided it was allergic to them apparently; anyways you can find them all here]

As for looking after his siblings, as a certified Oldest Sibling™ myself, I can assure you that parents expecting you to help look out for and set a good example for your younger siblings is very normal and nowhere near the mountain the fandom seems to make of this molehill.

There are valid reasons to feel sorry for Neteyam—he, like the rest of his family, had to leave his home and start over in a new unfamiliar place among a new clan of strangers with unfamiliar customs. He—not unlike Lo'ak!—desperately wants a chance to prove himself to Jake, and is frustrated when his dad doesn't want to let him participate in battle. And, of course, the big one—his life was tragically taken far too soon.

But "overworked little sadboi who just wants to Be A Kid™ but can't because his meanie parents force him to act like a Grownup™ because he's under Pressure™ to be the perfect future olo'eyktan" is not one of those reasons. That's pure fanfiction and a fundamental misunderstanding of his character. Neteyam is not "wannabe-carefree kid trapped under the crushing weight of expectations forced upon him against his will"—rather, he is "talented noble young warrior who wants to live up to his legendary father of his own volition and strives to do so".

#very sorry that movie neteyam and fanfic neteyam are different idk what else to tell ya ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #avatar #avatar 2 #neteyam #sully family #[edit] ok good removing the gifs worked it's properly showing up on my dash now #why are u like this tumblr -_-

[mikuni14]

Dead Friend Forever - Ep 7

This episode of DFF is also excellent and I feel so blessed to have experienced two series with such well-written scripts this week (the other being Love for Love's Sake, of course) 💖

Everything in DFF is clear, logical and understandable when we take into account that the characters of this series are 1) humans 2) teenagers. I completely understand the behavior of each of these characters, even when I feel like tearing my hair out or throwing punches and kicks at them. If anyone is wondering whether what Non, his teacher, his bullies, is doing is illogical, I encourage you to study police reports - I have literally read about situations such as those in DFF.

Phee: what a solid guy 😍 As soon as he appears, we see him as a perfect boyfriend, romantic, strong, who gets things done. I like his attitude, the fact that no matter what, how, he gets shit done, even if he has to use his own father and his position to do it. I understand his controlling nature when you have a boyfriend like Non (Phee is in love, but he's not stupid and naive), I also understand that he doesn't fully trust Non. I completely understand his behavior at the end, especially when he entered the scene with Non and the teacher hugging. I also understand cruel words. Should Phee have acted differently? Of course. But he COULD NOT. Because he would have to be made of stone and be a hardened adult with perfect self-control and nerves of steel. Phee, despite how smart and talented he is, is only human and is still a child who doesn't have to be able to regulate his emotions, control his feelings of hurt, betrayal and rejection, and doesn't have to be able to cope ALWAYS and in every situation. Perhaps when Phee calms down, he will want to explain the situation, or at least apologize for his words. Who knows. Anyway, he's great as a character, my fav.

Non: in his being pathetic, in refusing Phee's help, in trying to save his situation by sinking deeper and deeper, in trusting the wrong people, in "allowing" bullying, in seeking validation of his self-worth where he shouldn't be, he is 100% real. Non irritates and that's how it should be. Because victims are often irritating and often confusing in their behavior. And how often questions are asked: but he/she agreed to it, no one forced her/him, he/she went there herself, they did it of their own free will! Why didn't he/she tell anyone, why didn't they confess? And here we can also ask why Non is doing all this, why won't he confess to Phee, why won't he transfer to another school, why is he having sex with the teacher? For me, Non is a victim of the system, his illness, his family, his school, and maybe also his personality. I also wondered why he didn't want to change schools and just leave it all behind, usually students who are victims of bullying dream of changing schools. But I think, looking at his conversation with Phee, that Non wanted to regain control over his life, wanted to solve his problems himself, perhaps feeling like a weakling and a loser seeing how easily Phee solved his problems. Perhaps he felt that control over his life was slipping from his fingers and he desperately tried to regain it by closing open issues, such as his debt and the movie. Does his behavior make sense to me? No. But I've never been in such a situation, I'm trying to understand it and this explanation seems quite logical to me. Especially since Non tries hard and finally wants to give up at least the movie, while staying at the summer house, and is stopped by Jin. And he tries to get the money back by sleeping with his teacher, because in his mind THIS is not bad, THIS is just a way to solve the debt problem. And for him, a poor person, the problem of money may be more important than having sex with a teacher. Sex with the teacher itself doesn't have to be such a big problem for him, especially since the teacher is young, handsome, helpful, nice and shows compassion and attention. For a person like Non, it may even be flattering and he may even convince himself that nothing bad is happening, it's just sex, physical stuff, he gets something out of it that solves his money problem and the teacher is so nice! I can imagine how Non can manipulate himself in this situation and how easy a victim of grooming and manipulation he is for the teacher. And I must say that the series shows PERFECTLY how adults prey on children and teenagers, technically the adult does not force Non to do anything, he just sets up a very complicated trap in which Non cannot say "no". This series really doesn't fuck around, it just shows the TRUTH. Just to be clear: Non is the SA victim in this situation, PERIOD. I do not accept any accusations against him.

Jin: I don't know ultimately whether it was Jin who released this video, but if he did it, I understand that too, his behavior seems logical to me. People do all kinds of stupid and hurtful things under the influence of feelings of betrayal and hurt (even if Jin had no right to these feelings), especially young people (here is the same situation as with Phee, which I described above). Jin may feel betrayed, because he "did so much for Non", he always defended him. Jin also honestly has a crush on Non and found him not with a boy on a date (Jin didn't have any strong reaction to seeing Non hugged by another boy), but having sex with an adult and with a teacher to that. It's a lot to digest, and clearly Jin couldn't handle it at all (if I'm not mistaken, he was also drinking, which certainly didn't help).

All these shitty little pricks: Fluke, as always, avoids trouble and simply removes himself from situations, never comments, never takes sides (meaning - he takes sides with the bullies). I wonder how Jin always looks at him when he's looking for allies to help Non and how Fluke never reacts. Por, with his increasingly worse behavior, also fits the mold of a classic bully who has found a victim, in addition, someone he truly hates, and whom he can torment without consequences, and it's quite possible that he simply likes it. All this is a dangerous mix, pushing Non to his limits, encouraging other bullies, but also very realistic. Tee and Top are up to something and it scares me. All I know is that this money will be stolen and Non will have to get it again...

I am very impressed with this series, how well it's done, how realistic and logical it is. I'm incredibly intrigued and curious and I'm looking forward to the next episode. I rate the story building, script and character cohesion as 10.

#dead friend forever #dead friend forever the series #bl drama #thai bl

[billfarrah]

The season gets better the more I rewatch it and notice little things. Truly it is like fine wine. Also unpopular opinion but I really don’t mind the wille felice thing. It made complete sense when you put it in the context of the episode and wile’s emotional state at that moment. Also it is addressed quickly and they clear the air. But I mostly love it cause it leads to one of my favourite parts of the show: Simon being crazy jealous. I loved that whole sequence and it was so necessary to get Simon to where he was by the end of episode 4. Truly top tier.

I agree that it gets better the more you rewatch. I think I was just really thrown off the first time, but I rewatched it last night and I loved it. It’s still not perfect and there’s still some things that bothered me, but I think overall it’s a lovely season. I genuinely can’t stop thinking about it.

The only issue I have with the kiss is that I just couldn’t understand why Felice kissed him back when she knows he’s sad and madly in love with Simon, but I guess it was implied she might’ve still been slightly attracted to him. I still think Felice was underwritten this season - that’s undeniable - but the scene did serve a purpose in Wille’s arc. He’s just seen Simon kiss Marcus, Wille is touch-starved and lonely and desperate for love, and he’s not getting it from Simon anymore, and he’s starting to feel like it’s completely over for them. He’s heartbroken. Felice is there, he likes her as a friend, she’s holding him the same way Simon held him before their first time, and he’s desperate to feel something. Does he just crave love and affection, or does he only crave it from Simon specifically? Well, he quickly learns he only wants it from Simon. I think it’s a valid question for a young teenager reeling from the heartbreak of first love to wonder about, and I’m glad the narrative acknowledged that it was shitty of him, and I’m also glad Felice stood up for herself.

I’m also VERY, VERY glad he did not do it to make Simon jealous, and actually actively fought about Simon finding out; he’s not out to hurt Simon, even though he’s devastated by Simon and Marcus, but I also love Simon’s irrational jealousy, and tbh, Wille kissing Felice sets in motion Simon’s emotional spiral - him feeling sick at the possibility of Wille finally letting him go, despite him insisting on moving on. It’s irrational and petty and so young and vulnerable. I absolutely loved the locker room fight, with Simon lashing out and trying to get a rise out of Wille, because god damn it, he’s still so fucking in love with him no matter how hard he tries to move on, and they’re both frustrated and hurting and the emotions are so intense.

If anything I’m glad it happened just for the scene of Simon absolutely whipping that dodgeball at Wille. It’s just peak teenage pettiness and I love it. This season really nailed the complicated fluctuations of teenage emotions even better than season 1.

#young royals #yr season 2 spoilers

[flaringgoosebumps]

I may just be reiterating what was said in this post (please read that one first) but anyway,

"Why do people want two teenage boys together so bad?"

This question only seems to come up about queer pairings, people don't seem to go out of their way to shame shippers of mlw pairings, especially in times where they should. For example, since literally forever and even in stranger things, there are sex scenes or implied sex scenes with teenager characters. The concern only arises with the mere idea that there would be a queer couple merely kissing or hell, even holding hands.

While I relate to everything @hey-its-bucky said, I have more reasons why I want Byler to be canon. Not just because queer people past, present and future, deserve to be represented and humanized and for their experiences to be validated but also!!

Queer representation in movies and tv are genuinely so boring! While I appreciate that we are getting representation, it is crumbs in comparison to what we could have. I'm tired of the whole shtick of a story centering about a young queer person trying to figure out who they are, in normal settings lol I don't find that appealing, it's not my ideal form of entertainment. I want Byler to be canon for selfish reasons.

I want a canon queer couple with proper build up in my niche interests! I want them to exist in horror and sci-fi and be treated just as important as cishet couples.

I deeply enjoyed fear street because while it did center around a few queer characters, it didn't center about them finding out they were queer. It centered around some fucked up supernatural shit trying to kill them and a girl desperately trying to save someone she loved. And we got a good ending! I want more of that!

I've seen very few queer pairings or characters in shows I've watched and a majority of them didn't get good endings

In Buffy the vampire slayer, Willow found out she was gay in the middle of the series and fell in love with a girl named Tara who also became a main character and they killed her off. Then they gave Willow a girlfriend that kind of felt rushed but that could be me being biased because they killed my girl!

Aubrey Jensen in MTV scream, was in love with her gf who was murdered in 2nd episode, then it's revealed she did some questionable things because she had a crush on her childhood friend (who didn't return her feelings) and they gave her a gf by the end of her story arc but it wasn't someone we saw build up with like??

There are shows I haven't even seen and I know their queer pairings are severed the same way.

Stranger things has the appeal of a lifetime! It's not a show that marketed itself as queer, but they planned for Will to be gay from the jump. They are building something and if they're building what we think they're building. It will be a game changer.

This is one of the most popular shows that is out, it is virtually inescapable even if you've never shown any interest in it or anything like it. If they make Byler canon, it would be a coming of age queer love story epic sci-fi saga. As far as I know, that hasn't been done before on film.

If they follow Leigh Janiak's lead with queer story telling, it would hopefully be the first of many stories that humanize queer people, and more than that, make us the hero, give us a happy ending, final girl(person lol) endings, romantic storylines on par with cishet people in the sense that it was planned out and executed in a specific way instead of just throwing someone in there and hoping that's enough crumbs for clout.

Representation matters for a multitude of reasons but Byler specifically, isn't just about representation to me. It's about good story telling and if they intended on making Will gay since they began writing and let that be the center of his character arc for an entire season and don't plan on letting him have the happiest ending possible with the guy he's in love with, what the hell was the point of bringing attention to it at all? Narratively. What the hell would be the point of that? Also what would be the point of building milkbones just to break it down so easily? Why would they go out of their way to do this to the characters they spent years on crafting just for no pay off?

The strangest thing would be if Byler wasn't their plan in the first place lol

#byler #byler rant #byler brain rot #Queer representation #byler endgame

[therealvinelle]

do you have any thoughts on bree tanner?

On Bree Tanner herself, not so much. I did read her book, and from my recollection (I lent it to a friend who never gave it back. And I’m pretty sure she didn’t even read it(!)) Bree is pretty much what she’s presented as. 

She’s not stupid, but she’s not particularly intelligent either, she’s nice, but not a saint. She has been a vampire for only a few months, but she has already lost her empathy for humans. She’s an introvert who cares deeply for her friend Fred and crush Diego. She was never inclined to fight anybody, and spent the newborn battle just sort of mingling in quiet terror.

She’s a sweet person I’m sure would have made a pleasant addition to the Cullen coven, but ultimately she’s not remarkable.

When it comes to Diego, her supposed mate... hm. For those who didn’t read the book, Riley told the newborns they had to stay in the shadows or they’d burn in the sun. Bree gets a huge crush on one of the other newborns, and they find out vampires actually sparkle. This changes everything! Diego goes to tell Riley about the sparkling. Diego goes to live on a farm after that. No, really, that’s pretty much what Riley tells everybody. Diego is fine, he’s on a very special assignment, next question. Bree eventually figures out that Diego is dead, and her grief combined with a lot of other factors lead to her concluding life is miserable. She dies thinking “Oh well, guess I had a good run.”

Not unsurprisingly, I not only don’t believe in mates, but I also don’t think Diego was anything close to it for Bree either. They were close friends, Bree found out he was dead, and had no time to process it. More, vampires feel very strongly, and this was the only truly emotional event to befall Bree. It knocked her out completely. So, that she then decides she doesn’t mind dying because there’s no point living in a world without Diego seems to me to be a reaction born of her being young (both for a vampire and a human), emotionally inexperienced, and having been hit by this news less than an hour earlier. Had she lived, she would have been just fine.

So, those are my thoughts on Bree Tanner as a person.

Bree Tanner's impact is a different matter.

I think her death was one of the catalysts for the plot of Breaking Dawn.

The vampires in Seattle all died, Victoria included. There were no one left who knew Bree, and her life would have been a moment lost in time, like tears in the rain (Sorry, couldn’t resist).

But there were the Cullens. More specifically, Carlisle.

Carlisle had spent his formative years in Volterra, and parted with Aro in friendly terms. He remained fond of Aro, and continued to think highly of him. He and Aro would have spoken of the Volturi, of the Volturi mission, of how such a law is enforced, and it is prudent to also assume that Carlisle would have witnessed at least a few trials. He came away from all that thinking of the Volturi as strict, but fair rulers. 

Jasper, by comparison (I’m bringing him in because I think he’s more representative of how your average vampire who hasn’t been Aro’s boytoy for decades would view the Volturi), shivers in fright at the mere thought of the Volturi. To him they were executioners. But, again, fair. You break the law, and the Volturi descend upon you like God of the Old Testament.

Then cut to Eclipse, Victoria’s got a newborn army wreaking havoc in Seattle, attracting a lot of attention in a developed country in a time of globalized news. They’re on CNN daily. They might as well write “Fuck the Volturi” in the sky.

And the Volturi do nothing.

Now why, Carlisle and his family wonders, would they do such a thing?

Edward has all the answers, of course - that Aro is choosing not to intervene because he doesn’t like how large and powerful Carlisle’s coven has gotten, and Victoria’s newborn army will take care of that for him. Edward also goes on about how Aro desperately wants him and Alice by his side, which does prompt an “... you sure about that?” from Carlisle, but ultimately Aro’s inaction on the subject speaks for itself and Carlisle can’t make any excuses for it.

Regardless of Aro’s motives, that the Volturi would not be coming to enforce their own law became very clear. As a result of their inaction, Carlisle was forced to betray several of his own principles. He had to ask Jasper to teach the family how to kill others, he had to accept the aid of teenagers who could very well get themselves killed, he had to put his beloved family at risk, and he had to kill other vampires.

Aro’s inaction put him through hell and could have gotten his family killed. Would have, if it weren’t for the wolves.

Jane then decides to make her entrance right after the battle ended, while the fire is still going. The timing could not be more clear: the Volturi were waiting it out, letting the Cullens be culled.

We then get to Bree, who was an innocent in all the ways that counted, and not at risk of repeat offenses. Jane executes her anyway. Not just that, she makes sure to torture Bree, twice, entirely gratuitously:

“She’ll tell you anything you want to know,” Edward said through his teeth. “You don’t have to do that.” 

 Jane looked up, sudden humor in her usually dead eyes. “Oh, I know,” she said to Edward, grinning at him before she turned back to the young vampire, Bree. (Eclipse, page 333)

Even if the execution can be justified, the torture cannot. Jane abuses her power because she can, and there’s nothing the Cullens can do about it.

Then you have the fact that Bree had overheard a conversation between Jane and Victoria in which Jane gave Victoria explicit permission to take out the Cullens on the Volturi’s behalf. Bree replays this for Edward to hear before she dies, validating every paranoia he ever had about the Volturi. Just because he didn’t tell Bella, doesn’t mean he didn’t tell his family. He certainly would have told Carlisle and Alice.

Over the course of Eclipse, Carlisle sees the Volturi neglect to enforce their own law because culling his coven is a higher priority to them, torture and execute a mostly innocent vampire, and then he finds out that they made a deal with Victoria.

Not only would he be massively disillusioned by the Volturi, but by Aro himself. The man he met in Volterra was a lover of the arts and the academics and spoke of justice among vampires, and then Carlisle gets to experience first hand just what kind of justice this is. Aro was not the person he thought he was, and their old friendship doesn’t count for much either.

Look then to Breaking Dawn, where Carlisle has a vampiric child, but not an immortal one. Like Bree, he is innocent in all the ways that counted. This did not help Bree, and given the events of Eclipse (and remember only six months have passed), it won’t help him either. The Volturi have made it clear that they want to take out his coven, and whether or not the Cullens are actually innocent won’t matter.

The only way he can hope to slow them down, to force some kind accountability upon the Volturi (an accountability that might have preserved Bree’s life: she died because Jane had none), is to have there be witnesses to their trial.

And we get the clusterfuck called Breaking Dawn (or as I like to call it, Aro and Carlisle Break Up).

Relevant meta.

Edit 16th of April: Aro’s side of things

#you asked for bree and I gave you part one of several rants #how Carlisle and Aro broke up #believe me there will be more #in fact i'll just tag this one #aro/carlisle #because i'm fooling nobody #that's right people ask me anything and i'll go #... anyway here's how i'm bringing my ship into it- #carlisle cullen #bree tanner #jane #edward cullen #diego #aro #volturi #twilight #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #long post #Anonymous #ask #the eclipse debacle

[stxleslyds]

It’s very interesting to see your thoughts on Winnik cause personally while I like that he made jason a bit unhinged and fun in utrh his other characterizations of his were eh at best. Like why would jason not care about the world and why would he take over the drug trade of all things considering his history. I feel like Winnick had a very surface level understanding of Jason. There was a lot of his past to explore but it wasn’t explored that deeply. Plus I absolutely HATED his Bruce and talia characterization. And how he wrote Talia in both utrh and lost days was absolutely disgusting and his explanation for why he did it was that Jason loves Talia and that they were both messed up ppl??? Which is where I can’t forgive him. I feel like he was a one hit wonder because ever since utrh his Jason story started to go downhill. I also feel like it’s because DC doesn’t know how to write a character that’s from a poor background and that’s a huge disservice to Jason. I do hope that Rosenberg or another writer (hopefully female) does a good job on him. He’s been suffering under shitty writing for so long. Sorry for the long ask I really enjoy reading your posts.

Hi Anon, thank you for sending your ask!

Well, this is a great question because I love giving my opinions on Winick’s UtRH and Lost Days. I know those books (or some moments in them) are not everyone’s cup of tea and I had and have some problems with some of them but I have also come to understand them or even accept them as a writer bringing up a morally grey area in his books and doing it well (or at least I saw it that way after re-reading and researching a bit about his thoughts on those matters).

This is going to be a long post (I suppose) because there is a lot to cover and I want to let you know in a clear way why I think that what Winick wrote works beautifully for Jason. I will try to answer this as coherently as I can, so I will talk about the points you made in your ask separately so I make sure I don’t forget anything.

Let’s begin!

“Why would Jason not care about the world?”

I assume with that you meant about what happened in Bludhaven when Chemo was dropped there by the Society? That is valid but that really wasn’t Winick’s fault (I believe), that whole thing was shown in the book because back then the Bat-related books were more interconnected and that was what was happening in Dick’s Nightwing run at the time, which I think was used to explain why Dick suddenly stopped helping Bruce in Gotham.

And then I think Jason and Bruce watching that happen when they were having that conversation on that roof was very well planned out. I think Winick used that opportunity for Jason to be his peak level of little shit and make Bruce feel bad about not arriving in time to save another one of his kids. Even though Jason later revealed that he never blamed Batman for not arriving in time to save him, I believe Jason said that about Dick to make Bruce hurt more. Jason was trying to make Bruce stay in Gotham so either Bruce or him killed the Joker that night. Winick on the other hand had to finish his story, him branching out and having Batman go to Bludhaven would have benefited absolutely no one either, and it just didn’t fit the story that was being told in Under the Red Hood.

That’s why I think that Jason reacted that way to the Bludhaven and Chemo situation. If by caring about the world you meant something else let me know! (He obviously cared about Gotham in UtRH and other people in Lost Days).

“Why would he take over the drug trade of all things considering his history?”

Well, I have to be honest with you Jason wanting to control the drug trade in Gotham makes absolute sense to me, and even more when I think about Jason’s past history.

Jason and Bruce have always been (to me) clear opposites in various angles, and in UtRH, Winick talks about that a little bit too.

Batman was created to eradicate crime from Gotham after Bruce witnessed the death of his parents, that was the tragedy that set him off, and even though it was tragic and awful he had everything outside of his parents, he had a home, a support system, people that cared and gave him love, and money. He never had to be in contact with the cruel reality that was Gotham. We know through various stories that Gotham is deeply rotten and corrupted.

But Jason did know how corrupted, rotten and devoid of hope his city really was, he lived in the streets and in an abandoned apartment alone because he didn’t trust the police or social workers (he didn’t believe the system was helpful). He had seen his mother die at the hands of drugs after his father was sent to jail due to his criminal behaviour. Probably his father was a drug dealer and was the person that got his mother into drugs, (I believe that was later made canon, I might be wrong). But why did he do that? Maybe because he came from a poor and complicated background and nobody wanted to employ him so the real bad people of Gotham, like Black Mask, Cobblepot and many others, saw his vulnerability and his desperation to make money and they gave him a job as a drug dealer.

Considering that Jason was made out to have very deep problems with people selling drugs in schools and all that, I can estimate that maybe one of the big Drug Lords at the time employed Jason’s father when he was barely a teenager, that way he earned money, he stopped going to school and sold drugs to his peers so the bad people could control more people while they were vulnerable.

If all of that is true then Jason wanting to control the drug trade in Gotham, by becoming a Drug Lord himself, makes perfect sense to me. I mean let’s talk about this, what were his other options?

Kill every drug lord?

What if that set off a gang war in Gotham over who got to be the next big Drug Lord? I mean, it would be like real life, if someone dies in that sort of position there would always be someone else to take their place. Drugs are clearly (in Gotham) a great way to get money and power.

Also, if he killed all the drug lords then what happened to the people that were working for them, how could Jason help them get another job?

Explode every warehouse and facility with drugs in them?

And then what? Wait for Black Mask and the others to buy more and put a target on his back? Maybe kill some innocents so they can send a message to Red Hood that if he keeps destroying their drugs or whatever people will pay for it?

Maybe all the drug lords would come together and kill the Red Hood themselves, what could one man do against everyone else? Black Mask and the others had vulnerable people on a payroll, if they stopped working or went against what their boss said they would have been killed and then families would still be vulnerable and desperate to survive in Gotham.

Come forward as Jason Todd, the not so dead son of Bruce Wayne, and start a campaign against drugs?

Jason would have ended up dead in seconds, everywhere you look there are corrupt people. What could have been the point of that? What could have Jason be able to give families like his so they could stop living under the control of drugs and Drug Lords?

-

Jason being a Drug Lord himself was the best option because Jason KNOWS the reality of Gotham and Gotham’s people. His way of dealing with drugs could control the drug trade in the first 10 years and then eradicate it after that time. His plan was genius!

Jason knew that for people not to suffer as his family did, he had to take the slow and hard path of becoming the thing that he hated the most. He needed to attack the monster from within. So, when he made his first move he controlled the street-level dealers, he told them “I will protect you from both Black Mask and Batman if you stop dealing drugs to kids and in schoolyards if you do that, you are dead”, it is genius! By being clear about not wanting to have kids and high schoolers involved with drugs he set out a new path where those people weren’t forced into drugs and driven away from school. And that’s the way Winick made us see Jason’s not so new morals, he protects Gotham’s kids and he will kill you without hesitation if you endanger them.

From that he built, Winick made it clear, at first Jason would convince the people working for other Drug Lords to work for him if they followed his rules (and he offered them protection!). If Jason worked on the drug trade, he could have controlled who was inserted in the drug life or could have made it exclusive to the rich or club exclusive. In his intention of taking over the drug trade, he could have moved drugs away from Gotham’s most vulnerable.

And if he employed those vulnerable people, he would have made them work for him on other levels, that way those vulnerable people still had jobs and were protected from people like Black Mask. And in due time, fewer young and poor people would be involved with drugs or the drug trade.

Red Hood employs poor people and makes them not sell to other poor people or kids, he pays his employees good money so their families make a better life for themselves and their kids go to school, they are all protected by the Red Hood and his team (Jason could have trained others and make a team or gang that focused entirely on security), those people then get to retire with their families far away from drugs and maybe Gotham too.

I mean, Winick never did those things but I think that was the way he was thinking about it, he really set a golden path for future writers, his story had to finish Jason’s dilemma with Bruce and Joker but then his life as the Red Hood continued. And it could have been good if other writers used the characterization that Winick had given Jason: protector of children, killer of rapists and everyone that endangered women, children and teenagers. All of that was thrown away for a mythical fight with Ra’s al Ghul for people that were as trashy as Ra’s.

“I feel like Winick had a very surface-level understanding of Jason”.

I have to disagree. I think he understood Jason’s character before his death well and then built a grown-up version of him with those morals more developed after he suffered more and then saw how the world and Batman’s ways hadn’t changed after his murder.

We are talking about post-crisis Jason here; he was sweet and he loved being Robin but he also saw the world differently from Bruce and Batman. He lived a very different life than the one that Bruce lived when he was a kid. Jason even said that he “could fend for himself just fine” and that he had “graduated from the streets of crime alley”.

To me Winick understood this completely, he knew that Jason had had close contact with how drugs could affect people and what a criminal record could lead you to, but he also understood that Jason was a survivor of "crime alley" and all its worst people. He probably knew of things that people were doing of he saw them happening. He knew how to protect himself from those things but understood that not everyone could do it. And when Batman took him to Ma Gunn’s school Jason learned that Batman was ignorant of how awful and manipulative Gotham’s people could be. Ma Gunn wasn’t running an orphanage or cool school; she was teaching children how to steal and harm others. He hated it, he was “okay” when he was alone and now, he was locked in with older kids that beat him and Ma Gunn who was exploiting children’s vulnerability.

I assume Winick took that and maybe decided that was the moment when Jason knew that even if Batman was trying to do good, he still didn’t see Gotham (or that side of Gotham) for what it truly was.

When Jason became Robin and worked along with Batman, we could already see that Jason thought very differently about what should be done with rapists, and abusers of all kinds, Jason saw the world differently when he was a kid and a teenager and then after his death, Winick used that to build a Jason Todd that as a young adult still saw Gotham for what it truly was.

“There was a lot of his past to explore but it wasn’t explored that deeply”.

I am really confused by this (and I am very dumb), did you mean that his past before his death wasn’t explored? Because that was not the point of this book, the information was already there with Jason’s previous appearances in comics, and even then, Winick explored through flashbacks in UtRH how he saw Jason and what it was that Jason thought about crime.

If you didn’t mean that and you meant his past before the events of UtRH but after his death then, well, I would say that Winick couldn’t have fit that in UtRH but he did write a story about that time in 2010 when he wrote Red Hood: Lost Days.

“I absolutely hated his Bruce and Talia characterization”

I will only talk about the Bruce part here because you mentioned Talia later in your ask.

To me his Bruce was perfect. I really think that his characterization of him was spot on, but maybe I am biased because I don’t like Bruce at all? I suppose that you are talking about Bruce’s characterization in those last moments in "crime alley" with Jason and Joker? And how he decided that making Jason drop the weapon by throwing a batarang to his throat and saving Joker was a better option than Jason killing the Joker?

If it is that then I would love to see what you think Bruce would have done at that moment because I didn’t really see Bruce using a gun (in any way) as an in-character thing for him, and even though DC has always danced with the idea of Bruce actually killing somebody I know that they wouldn’t have him do it, and even less when it comes to killing the Joker.

I mean, Bruce brought back Joker from the dead when Dick finally killed that piece of shit so, yeah, I don’t know.

I feel like Winick was trying to show just how loyal and squared Bruce is when it comes to his own no killing rule. Jason wasn’t asking for Bruce to go on a killing spree he just wanted Bruce to kill the Joker and he didn’t. Winick even had Bruce say that about him not wanting to kill one person because he felt that if he did that, he wouldn’t be able to stop and I think that’s pretty true. Maybe it is a bit too much but I don’t think it’s a lie.

“How he wrote Talia in both UtRH and Lost Days was absolutely disgusting”

That is absolutely valid, listen, if you didn’t like how he wrote her at all I really can’t say anything against that. My first real and solid contact with Talia’s character was in that book, so when I read UtRH I really liked how he wrote Talia in that, it seemed to have that aspect of Talia’s love for Bruce being so strong that when she saw Jason was alive, she wanted to help him so Bruce could see how much he loved her. It is messed up but I believed it fitted her character, she had good intentions but her reasoning was a little bit wonky.

With Lost Days, I thought that her character was well written, she isn’t a hero and she isn’t a villain, she is just a player in the game that is the League of Assassins and that world. That obviously changed up until we had that scene happen between her and Jason, I was grossed out and I didn’t understand why that had happened which leads me to what you said next in your ask.

“His explanation for why he did it was that Jason loves Talia and that they were both messed up people”.

This is a part of the interview where Judd Winick answered a question about Jason and Talia sleeping together. The interview was done by Sara Lima in ComicVine’s podcast.

“SL: Why did you decide to write the romantic scene between Jason and Talia in Lost Days?

JW: For those playing at home, Jason Todd, at the end of Red Hood: Lost Days, and Talia slept together. I did that because it was really disturbing and to shine a light on the fact that these are not really well people. A lot of people didn’t like that, which was correct. “You weren’t supposed to like that. That was supposed to be, ‘oh God, stop that, what are you doing?’ It really was. As well as, for Talia, her reasons, being that Bruce had wound up inadvertently killing her father and she was ragingly angry with him and went from love to pure hate and still loving him at the same time. And Jason, given the opportunity to have sex with just about the only woman who Bruce has had sex with or really cares about, ‘Yeah, I’ll go there.’

SL: He’s like, ‘yeah, cause I hate that guy.’

JW: Yeah! ‘I hate that guy!’ And I think that Jason probably had the hots for Talia. She’s hot, he doesn’t exactly have a lot of relationships going on – It’s not a good thing for either of them. These are two people who murder people, two people who are screwed up, screwed up emotionally. There’s this question that why would he do that and Talia only loves Bruce. She might only love Bruce, but she does have sex with other people because that’s just sex. And we’re all grown-ups here. I think those who shake their fist and get angry at this kind of thing might be some of our older readers. I’m an older reader, but I acknowledge the fact that people aren’t that chaste and grow up: people have sex. That’s why I ended it like that; It was messed up.

Maybe it was in another interview or something but this is the only time that I have seen Winick talk about that and I don’t think he mentioned Jason loving Talia but he did say said that “These are two people who murder people, two people who are screwed up, screwed up emotionally”.

When I looked it up, I found that someone that is described as screwed up is a person that is “emotionally disturbed”. That description is one that I feel is valid for both Jason and Talia at the time, they both had a lot going on and were fighting some demons so maybe it’s not a nice thing to say but I can’t say that the statement isn’t true. Or at least that’s how I see it.

When I came across that interview for the first time, I wasn’t expecting Winick to apologise for writing that interaction but I did want an explanation so after he said, “A lot of people didn’t like that, which was correct. “You weren’t supposed to like that. That was supposed to be, ‘oh God, stop that, what are you doing?’ It really was” and “for Talia, her reasons, being that Bruce had wound up inadvertently killing her father and she was ragingly angry with him and went from love to pure hate and still loving him at the same time. And Jason, given the opportunity to have sex with just about the only woman who Bruce has had sex with or really cares about, ‘Yeah, I’ll go there.’”

I felt like that was enough, granted I didn’t like it and I still don’t like it but I don’t see it as Winick writing something disturbing with evil intentions, I just see it as him writing these two morally grey people doing some very morally grey stuff.

This is not me saying that this is how things have to be taken, I know and understand many people who absolutely don’t like this at all and that’s valid. I am not here to change your mind about that, personally when I read the why he wrote that I felt like that explanation was enough but that is just me.

“I feel like he was a one-hit-wonder because ever since UtRH his Jason story started to go downhill”

I think Winick was only meant to write Jason’s comeback to comics, around the time he was writing Outsiders and Green Arrow. And there was also the “Infinite Crisis” (Winick wasn’t involved with that one) event going on in the middle that explained some stuff like how Jason was resurrected which was explored in Batman Annual #25 in 2006 (like a year after the UtRH book had come out and it was also written by Winick). Then with the popularity of the UtRH book the animated movie was made (written by Judd Winick) and because that was coming out DC allowed Winick to write the six-issue mini of Red Hood: The Lost Days in 2010.

The UtRH story didn’t go downhill, DC simply couldn’t handle that level of mature storytelling at the time, just after that event ended DC was already planning on changing stuff and then the New 52 came years later.

Winick’s Jason even made an appearance in Outsiders #44-46, there Red Hood wanted to help the Outsiders break out a good man (Black Lightning) out of prison because he hadn’t killed anyone (it had actually been Slade). Jason/Red Hood’s characterization and story going downhill wasn't on Winick, it was on DC and their lack of interest in making their characters complex and dual.

“DC doesn’t know how to write a character that’s from a poor background and that’s a huge disservice to Jason”

Absolutely. But in my case, I do think that Winick did work with Jason’s background very well. To me, he set a path and no one could follow it but I might also be horribly wrong.

-

I also hope that Rosenberg does an amazing job! I absolutely love his work, as I have said before he is super funny and isn’t scared of writing characters who kill. I feel like he will bring back the sarcastic little shit that Jason once was but he will also bring back that sense of seriousness and dedication that Jason has for the work that he is doing. Rosenberg even showed us some of that in that prelude to Task Force Z in Detective Comics, I absolutely recommend them if you haven’t read them, issues #1041 and #1042 were the ones with that backup story.

I can see that we have very different opinions but that’s just a part of the comic world, we all perceive these comics differently and that’s valid! I am glad you enjoy reading my posts and I hope that even though we have those different opinions you were still able to enjoy my answer! If you think that I misunderstood anything that you say please let me know, sometimes my brain just doesn’t click.

Hope you have a fantastic week!

#jason todd #red hood #robin jason todd #utrh #red hood lost days #jasons characterization #dc comcis #asksss

[loveatfirstwriteblog]

A Complete Analysis of Harry Potter

Like a lot of kids, we probably grew up on Harry potter. We were obsessed and rightly so. The universe created in the world of Harry Potter was, and is, a hugely successful one because of the fact it gave kids a world where magic exists! It seemed to be a great world to live in and it made even better with the fact that it included elements of empowerment, Whether it be showing girls can be just as successful if not more in various pursuits(Hermione), or the fact that even if you have a history of bad events, you can have a good heart(Hagrid), Harry Potter teaches us a lot.

JKR has written a mind-blowing plot in a world of magic, wizards, witches, wands, potions, friendship, love. Our inner-five-year olds--and actually most of our young adult selves too--jumps around excitedly at the beautifully penned words that creates an exit out of this world and into one where magic does exist. 

As you get older, though, you begin to think of Harry Potter in a more critical fashion. The thought of “oh my god, it’s magic” no longer completely overrides my mind, but more of “but what are the laws regarding this? Can people just do this whenever they want? Are there no ethics?” 

No matter how much we’re going to expose the flaws and plot holes in HP now, we’ll always love the books--we grew up on them! But some things just niggle you as you get older, and that’s what we’re going to be focusing on in this post.

Something I adore about the HP books is that everyone, including the “good guys”, has flaws. Harry has a “save the world alone, do first, think later” complex, a driving force that makes him go save Sirius, Ron is very, very insecure to a point where he ditches Harry twice, probably when Harry needed him the most, Hermione is a judgemental, narrow-minded nag (her thoughts on Luna, divination, Trelawney, basically anything that doesn’t fit her black and white world), Molly Weasley is misogynistic and blatantly favourites her children—probably being one of the main factors behind Ron’s insecurities, Arthur is condescending towards Muggles and makes several comments you cringe at while reading the books as a young adult/adult, Sirius, Snape, and Lupin still haven’t let go of their childhood grudges and hatred, etc etc etc. 

These flaws are what make these characters so three-dimensional, so layered, so human. But the problem was, most of these flaws are never intentionally acknowledged. And honestly, that could have been such a good character arc, because the main characters are mostly students. No student is the same through their teenage years—they change, they evolve, they get over their flaws, they try to better themselves. I would have loved to see Ron becoming his own person, Hermione opening her mind up a little, etc. 

Neville is not one of my favourites, but I love his growth and development, from someone who was scared of his potions professor to a man who faced down Lord Voldemort. Ginny Weasley could have had character development, from the trauma she went through in second year, but that was never written in.  She went through this terrifying ordeal when she was only twelve years old, and jump to a year or two later and she’s absolutely fine, with no transition from her trauma whatsoever.

Some of JKR’s characters are brilliantly written and fleshed out, but some of her others lack the structure and complexity that usually comes with being vital to the plot—Ginny Weasley for one. Her internalised misogyny also plays a huge part in the way her female characters are written. We see this again in the case of how she wrote the character of Ginny. 

Ginny Weasley is not a favourite of ours (if you don’t know that by now). She feels a lot like a convenient male daydream—when she waits for Harry to notice her by dating other guys, gets annoyed by Hermione “not knowing quidditch”, etc etc—and fits the “not like other girls” archetype too much, almost like she was made for it (hint hint). She’s portrayed to be strong-willed, spunky, and independent, and I love the idea, but I really don’t see it. To me, she’s a very shallow character, the least fleshed out one. 

Just like James Potter wasn’t necessarily redeemed just because JKR said he was, and Ginny isn’t interesting just because JKR writes that she is. 

Hermione also fits the archetype, but she’s JKR’s self-insert, so we really can’t say much about that. 

To make things worse, Ginny and Hermione are pitted against each other in a very subtle way. Ginny is the sporty, pretty, flirty girl who’s never single from book 4. Hermione is the not-conventionally-attractive, nerdy girl who’s had a few dates here and there but never a relationship. They’re very different characters (the only thing they have in common is the archetype) but they’re against each other in the defence of Harry. 

Another place where JKR’s misogyny shows up is the way other girls are written. Lavender Brown is shown as vapid and immature, just because she likes clothes and boys and didn’t know how to handle her first relationship. Cho Chang is perceived as shallow because she’s emotional. Pansy Parkinson is seen to be throwing herself at Draco Malfoy. The Weasleys hated Fleur because she was beautiful and sexy and French, and that was ever really resolved in the end (Molly accepted her, but we never got Ginny’s and Hermione’s opinions again). You see where we’re getting at? The typical “girly girls” are portrayed as insipid, shallow, emotional, and boring, while girls like Hermione and Ginny are seen to be fun and multilayered. 

The problems with Harry Potter don’t just stop with non-fleshed out characters. There are plot devices that go unacknowledged, issues like blood purity—which is the basis of Voldemort’s tyranny—are never really resolved, huge Chekhov’s guns that aren’t fired. 

A common misconception, which if cleared up could probably expose a load of problems in wizarding society by itself, is that the wizarding world is racist. It’s not racist. Muggles and Muggleborns are not a different race, they’re a different class, at least according to pureblood wizards. Mudblood is a classist insult (a direct reference to nobility blueblood and aristocracy).

Another factor that wasn’t talked about but made the HP world so complex and realistic is the inherent classism in every single pureblooded wizard, including the Weasleys.

 The “Light” wizards all operate on the notion “at least I don’t kill or torture Muggles”. The Weasleys refuse to talk about Molly’s squib cousin who’s an accountant, the Longbottoms were so desperate for Neville to not be a squib they nearly killed him trying to force magic out of him, Ron makes fun of Filch for being a squib, thinks house-elves are beneath him, and confounds his driving instructor in his mid-thirties, the ministry workers kept obliviating that muggle at the quidditch World Cup, etc. 

This could have been a metaphor for how small prejudices and microaggressions (kind of the wizarding equivalent of white privilege) enable discrimination and murder, if JKR had actually acknowledged it. 

The parallel to Nazi Germany is very twisted and definitely shouldn’t be taken too far, but the Nazi ideology grew on the basis of everyday antisemitism, “that’s not that bad” little things. Voldemort’s circle and army grew because the wizard superiority complex festered and blew up in some people, egged on by a deeply classist society. 

Ultimately, Harry Potter has very, very shoddy worldbuilding, the kind of worldbuilding that’s obsessed with answering the “what” of the wizarding world, rather than the “how” or the “why”, which is strange, considering that fantasy or dystopian-era novels’ driving plots and conflicts are usually answering the questions the worldbuilding raises--The Hunger Games and The Shadowhunter Chronicles are two of the best examples of brilliantly written YA fantasy and dystopian novels. 

In HP, however, the main plot just avoids the questions the worldbuilding brings up like the bubonic plague. 

Voldemort’s agenda is built on prejudice towards Muggles and Muggleborns, but the plot just validates the negative perception of them—at the end of the day, being a wizard is what’s special. The Statute of Secrecy is the foundation of the main concept—blood supremacists believe wizards shouldn’t be hidden away—but only vague, barely-there answers are given to why it exists (a Chekhov’s gun that was never fired). 

There are love potions that function like date rape drugs (even Harry was given one by a girl who wanted him to ask her out), potions that force people to tell the truth, potions that literally let you disguise yourself as another person, but the ethics are never talked about, and the laws are so lax that three twelve-year-olds broke them and were never caught. 

But at the same time, the worldbuilding is so authentic, because it transforms the wizarding world into straight-up fridge horror. The everyday horrors are just accepted and rolled with. A corrupt government, constant obliviation of Muggles, slavery that isn’t even talked about. These things aren’t obvious to us as readers, or to the wizards as characters, because they match up to the real world, which is filled with things that are horrifying if you dig deeper. The multiple, normalised forms of abuse, police brutality, the violence in prisons that nothing is done about, the glaringly obvious cultural problems we have with consent, etc. 

The abusive authoritative figures in HP, like Rufus Scrimgeour, Cornelius Fudge, Dumbledore, Umbridge, etc, are so authentic because real-life politicians and people in high places of power behave that way, and their abuse is excused. 

The wizarding world is just like the real world. Corrupt, prejudiced, messed up, but if you’re privileged, or at least have certain privileges, you’re probably not going to notice. The ultimate problem is that the plot doesn’t acknowledge a lot of fridge horror things are messed up either, which is why it miserably fails. 

#harry potter #shoddy worldbuilding #flaws #plotholes #ron weasley #hermione granger #draco malfoy #jk rowling #tom riddle #lord voldemort #dumbledore #rufus scrimgeour #cornelius fudge #dolores umbridge #ginny weasley #molly weasley #arthur weasley #pansy parkinson #fleur delacour #luna lovegood #lavendar brown #cho chang #hagrid #sirius black #severus snape #james potter #remus lupin #amortentia #veritaserum #polyjuice potion

[physicalturian]

[18+] Words of pleasure - Law x F!Reader - Part 1

Summary : Being overwhelmed with work is exhausting. To release some of that stress, you make your way on a website to talk to strangers. One of them strike your interest and while the conversation flows you find yourself being dommed online. An unusual occurrence you might get a liking to. The thrill of letting someone take the control when too much weight is on your shoulders, no strings attached. Unless...

[No spoilers] [Modern AU - College AU] [She/her pronouns used for the reader, no physical description; Everyone +18] Words : 5034 Archive of our own

Warning : Consensual BDSM / Masturbation / Power play / Dom/sub Dynamics / Cybersex / Stranger / Vaginal fingering... If you feel like I should add more warnings, send me a dm or and ask

. . . . .

Boredom makes you do crazy things. Lack of free time too, mix them together and you end up stumbling on a website, talking to strangers from all across the world.

 With my work done, it was already pretty late, but I deserved some distraction for working so hard. I did not really care how late it was, I wanted to relax and have some fun, no matter the kind of fun.

Arriving on the home page, I stared at it “Clean chat or NSFW chat? Well…” I mumbled to myself, clicking on the NSFW tab, I had to find a name now. It had to be explicit enough so that the person would know what I want right? Yeah, but what do I want? Huffing, I typed down “Entertain me” Before entering and getting matched with a random person.

 They did not stay long, and their names were surprising to say the least. It took me a lot of time to match with someone that did not have a weird name, and did not leave the minute they got matched with me. I almost gave up too. Now, I was not one to kink shame, but neither was I into anthro dogs and role playing as people’s daughter.

 But funny enough, when they had a slightly normal name. They’d be the most boring person ever, I had to laugh every time people who had “dom” in their name, were the least charismatic people I’d ever met. I had to give it a thought and wonder, were they dom or did they just top their whole life?

 Huffing, I pressed the escape key on my keyboard once more to refresh the conversation and leaned back on my pillows. “At this point, I should just go to sleep.” I pondered out loud, my eyes riveted on the loading screen. I had probably skipped everybody on this website, and now they couldn’t give me anything. When I was about to leave, I was matched with someone named “A real doctor”.

 I couldn’t help the chuckled that escaped my lips as I leaned forward and wrote down.

 Entertain me: Now, are you really a doctor? Or do you want to get people to be horny over you?

Entertain me: ah, wait, also, how old are you? I’m 23, she/her.

A real doctor: There is no reason for me to lie, I don’t even need to tell them I’m a doctor to have them horny. People are always horny on this website.

A real doctor: 29, he/him. How long have you been looking to be entertained?

 Laughing I shook my head, I was surprised to meet someone who was 29 when most people I’d met until now were 18 or 19. I skipped them too. But I was definitely relieved, and it showed in my reply.

 Entertain me: thank god you’re 29, I was afraid I was going to catch a case! So many young people here, it’s frightening.

A real doctor: Are you telling me I’m old?

Entertain me: no no no, definitely not, no you’re the perfect age don’t worry. But since you’re asking so kindly, I’ve been here for about two hours and I have not had a single one good conversation.

A real doctor: Good, then I’m here to change that. What kind of entertainment are you looking for?

 I stared at my screen for a second, for some reason I was starting to feel excited. His question was a good one, and valid one too, and now I had to give him an adequate answer. Running my hands over my face, I was going to type back when he sent something.

 A real doctor: I guess, since we’re both on the NSFW chat the question is: what are your kinks? Your limits, perhaps?

 I don’t know why I answered so quickly, but my fingers did the talking.

 Entertain me: Hey maybe I should ask you that, maybe I want to dom you. How about that? You’d be surprised with how versatile I am.

A real doctor: You’re cute, but I don’t recall mentioning domming. Quite the lapsus you did there, I want to play a game with you but to do so you’ll have to tell me your kinks and your limits, dear.

 Why did I blush? A stranger called me dear, and I was feeling funny inside. For the first time tonight, someone was taking the reins and I kind of enjoyed it a lot. With my hands shaking slightly in excitment, I typed,

 Entertain me: I suppose you make a fair point…

A real doctor: Of course, I do, now do tell me.

Entertain me: right away, sir.

 I said half-jokingly, but that did not go through with the text. If anything, it fueled a certain fire, and perhaps I’ll admit I was testing the waters.

 A real doctor: Already catching on I see, good girl.

 Why was that so hot? My breath hitched and I simply looked at those words a few seconds, taking them in. Sighing, I leaned towards the left and open the drawer of my bed table, grabbing my toy. What am I doing… I thought. Putting the vibrator next to me, I took my time to reply.

 Entertain me: first of all, that’s kind of hot and you are definitely entertaining me.

A real doctor: I barely started, good to know you’re already hooked.

Entertain me: oh fuck off, it’s just the charisma. You got the pzazz, that’s all.

A real doctor: Check the attitude, and give me an answer.

 Gulping, I typed back, weighing my words this time.

 Entertain me: Well, avoid degradation because that’s not my cup of tea but… I suppose, while some of those might be hard through a screen… Body worship is cool, very cool… The entire idea of BDSM is lovely, I like praising, spanking, public stuff has some appeal and…

 I didn’t write the last one, feeling like it was too much. Should I say that? It sounds to fucking submissive. Which is my role right now, clearly, so I should just go for it. Sighing, I read his message and groaned, writing back.

 A real doctor: Go ahead. And? I want clear answers and you’re not done yet.

Entertain me: I like to please my partner, is that a kink?

A real doctor: A service sub? How cute. I’ll definitely make good use of that. Any limits?

Entertain me: I’m never showing my face, but pics are okay. I mean, if you’d like some of course. Consent and all that. I’m willing to try other stuff if we take things slow, too!

 Oh god, that sounded desperate. I don’t even know what he looks like and I’m telling him all of my deepest tastes. “Well, that’s the idea, right? I’ll never meet him, but I can have some fun, right? It’s all about having some fun, both of us. We both get off, and then never talk again.” I whispered to myself, looking up at the time. Noticing it was already 2 am, I was going to leave but I couldn’t find the strength to do so and waited for the man’s reply.

 A real doctor: Very well, I love the eagerness. I’ll be taking notes of those, now you’re curious about the game, aren’t you?

Entertain me: Don’t flatter yourself, if it’s some weird shit I’ll just leave. It really all depends on what’s your game. And please, don’t tell me it’s truth or dare.

A real doctor: Give me some credits, I’m not a teenage boy.

A real doctor: You’ll like it.

A real doctor: The game is this, I tell you what to do, and you do it.

Entertain me: okay…

A real doctor: Interested?

Entertain me: I’ll need more details, but I haven’t left, have I?

A real doctor: You haven’t indeed. Good girl, see you want to be ordered around. It’ll be my pleasure.

A real doctor: Your hands off your keyboard, I’ll be guiding you. All you’ll have to do, is read me. Is that alright?

 I took in his words for a moment. Was I really going to let him tell me what to do? My own voice resonated in my head, telling him that was the fun of it, it was hot. It was exciting, and different, nothing bad could happen.

 Entertain me: Would it be interesting to tell you I have a vibrator next to me right now, sir?

 I facepalmed behind my screen, maybe that wasn’t his shit. Maybe he just wanted me to finger myself or something, maybe I fucked it all up and now I was going to go to bed horny and sad. My self-depreciation dissipated when I saw his reply.

 A real doctor: It’s interesting, speeds?

Entertain me: Five, sir.

A real doctor: Hands off the keyboard, lay on your back, let’s start.

 And I did. With the laptop right next to me, I laid on back and waited for his words, following each of his instruction. Each in a separate message, fired like bullets.

 If you’re dressed, I want you to get completely naked. Undress slowly. Feel yourself. Your hands caressing each of your curves. Brushing over your breasts. Stop there. Pinch your nipples, hard and tug. Feel the sting. The warmth that follows. Spread your legs wide. Let one hand travel between them. Slowly start playing with yourself. Your fingers slowly spreading your folds. Rubbing yourself for me. You’re enjoying this, you like being ordered around. You want to be played with, you’re doing exactly as I’m telling you, like a good girl.

 I arched my back, a hand still on my breast while brushing my finger against my clit. I was burning up, my head digging inside the pillow, it felt strange. He was not wrong, and I could feel my arousing growing and growing.

 A real doctor: Want to continue? Are we still good, dear?

 Groaning I turned on the side and wrote with one hand.

 Entertain me: yes, sir.

A real doctor: Good. Back on your back, take your toy.

 Grabbing it, I waited for the next instruction, my hand having left my clit. It was pulsing, I never thought this would have so much effect but I was starting to get angsty.

 Brush it between your folds. Slowly. Get it wet for me. Good, like that. Keep at it a while. Your free hand, I want it caressing your body. Feel every sensation. Feel every touch, every brush.

 I let out a huff and wrote him, while still brushing the tip of my toy between my folds. I was starting to breathe heavily, feeling needy.

 Entertain me: it’s cold here, goosebumps.

A real doctor: Imagine my warm hands traveling your body.

Entertain me: fuck, can I fuck myself? Please sir

A real doctor: Already? No, no. Not just yet, let’s take our time.

 Groaning, I let my head hit the pillow and considered turning on the vibrator but thought against it. He had not told me to yet, I should wait, make it more fun. But fuck, I needed it.

 Let’s start slowly. You asked nicely, like a good girl. And since you’ve been listening until now… Put it in, speed one. But don’t fuck yourself. Leave it there. Legs spread wide. Now that your hands are free, bring them back to your chest. Give yourself firm, hard, gropes. Feel the vibrations inside you. Slide your hands down your torso, to your belly and gently brush your hands on your inner thighs. Feel the texture, your cold fingers on your burning skin. I want you to rub your clit, take a deep breath and start playing with it. Feel the electricity coursing.

 See yourself, enjoying the idea of being commanded. Look at yourself, look down at your hands. See yourself masturbating for me. Feel your toy stretching you, filling you up. Now start pumping in and out. But not too hard. That’s it, good girl. Slowly, very slowly. It’s painfully slow, isn’t it? Keep doing good, and we’ll speed things up.

 I whined and brought a hand to my mouth, muffling the noises escaping it. My roommates were probably sleeping, I had to keep it quiet. I hate how slow paced it was, but I loved how thrilling it was to do this. I bucked my hips to try to meet the toy as I pulled it out to pull it back in, slowly.

 Look at you. Shoving a dildo inside you. Just because I told you so. I blushed and let out a whimper. You’re actually enjoying yourself. You are being entertained, just as you asked. I can almost see the smile on your face. Tell me, is my good girl desperate yet?

 Bringing my hands to my hair, I got the wild strands of hair out of my face and wrote back. My face was on fire, but no one would know. What happened here was between this stranger and I, no one would know how I was being guided to fuck myself by a total stranger.

 Entertain me: sir… can I up the speed?

A real doctor: Very cute, you haven’t answered, dear.

Entertain me: please…

Entertain me: sir.

A real doctor: Alright, dear. You can put it at 2.

A real doctor: But you stop the thrusting, I want you to keep it deep inside you. Close your legs and feel the vibrations, when you think you’re close, you stop. Understood?

Entertain me: yes sir!!

A real doctor: How eager, lovely. Hands off now.

 Huffing, I did as he asked and upped the speed. A giggle escaped my lips before my breath caught in my throat and I could feel everything strongly, with how deep it was. I closed my eyes for a moment, missing some of the messages but opened them again, and read everything while feeling the sensations inside me.

 Angle it right. That’s right. Turn the speed one notch now. It should be at three, if you’ve been following right. See your face, you’re enjoying this. How cute, I can only imagine the sinful sounds leaving that pretty mouth of yours. It can probably do a lot more than moan. It can whimper. As it’s being fucked. As you’re being fucked. Bring your fingers inside your mouth and suck on it. That’s it, suck it. Push the toy deeper inside you. You can speed up the pace. Not too wild.

 “Fuck” I breathed out, my fingers hooked in my mouth as I met each of thrusts. I wanted to go faster, I wanted to do as I pleased and find a quick relief. I knew myself; I knew what to do but there was this thrill in giving the control to this stranger. My walls were clenched around the toy, I could feel it against my walls even more at each thrust. I desperately grabbed my blanket, almost making my laptop tumble off my bed and muffled my voice while biting down the fabric.

 I was surprised when a whine came out of my mouth, I put my hand over my muffled mouth to, hopefully, muffle it better.

 A real doctor: You’ve been good. Such a good girl, haven’t you?

 I sighed and leaned on my side, typing very slowly. My thrusts, slowing down as my focus was on the conversation.

 Entertain me: Yes sir, I’m so good

A real doctor: Good. Then I want you to grab the base of your toy and…

A real doctor: Fuck your brains out, go wild. While you’re at it, speed at 4.

 My arms were screaming for me to stop, it had been so long. But I felt the knot in my stomach grow in excitement and did exactly as he had asked. The pleasure was so good, it was so good. I had been waiting for this since we had started. One hand was gripping the base of the vibrator tight, while the other was rubbing my clit. My eyes rolled back a few times when it touched the right spot, but then I had to thrust more and lost it. I hated it but at the same time, I loved the mix of pain and pleasure of the fast and deep thrusts.

 Here we go. Hard, and fast. I want you to go wild. Let yourself go. Fuck your hole good. Groan, squirm, moan, plead for more. I’m sure you’re sore, but you’re doing so great. Such a good girl, doing exactly as you’re told. Keep going, don’t stop. Feel your toy stretching you out. You’re so wet, you can probably hear it, right? God, such a good girl. Spread your legs wide and keep going, good. Good. Now, read well, dear.

 I want you to go to the last speed, and keep your toy deep like last time. Don’t move it. Cross your legs and keep it there. I’ll count to 20, you’ll keep it there until I’m done. Are we good? Don’t answer, just follow my instruction. Come on, last speed. And here we go. That’s it dear. Good. Let’s start.

 Then he started sending a message for each number starting from 1. I watched the screen with half-lidded eyes, feeling the toy vibrating inside me, my hand starting to go numb from the said vibrations. My thighs were a bit sore, but I ignored it and moved the toy slightly to angle it only to find the right spot, I closed my eyes and focused on the sensation, only peeking to see the count was at 13. Fuck, fuck, fuck. My thighs were closed around my hand so hard, it hurt a bit but I was getting close.

 That’s it, what a view. Fucked out, exhausted. But you’re not done yet. Pick up the pace now, thrust and shove, hold it there. And again. And again. Hit that sweet spot. That’s it. Good girl, so obedient. Feel the soreness between your legs. Feel your clit throbbing. Feel yourself getting closer. Just from being told what to do? Pay attention to the throbbing. Fuck yourself hard a minute again. Then keep it there. That’s it, yes. I’m sure you must be quite the sight. I want you to be noisy. To be loud. Get wild. Buck your hips against the toy. That’s it. So obedient.

 My legs tensed the moment the knot inside my stomach reached its peak. I let out a high-pitched breath inside the blanket and let my head fall back on the pillow. I hadn’t realized I had contracted my whole body, and let out a chuckle at the realization. Slowly, I turned back to the screen, moving my tired arms to type back.

 Entertain me: I am good, exhausted, and I came, sir.

 I laid back on the pillow with another sigh. What time is it? How long did this take? I should probably get up and get cleaned but I’m too lazy right now.

 A real doctor: Good.

 I saw him type but typed my question faster.

 Entertain me: But it’s weird, you didn’t get to get off. Do you need anything? I could send you pictures if you want, I feel kind of bad that you just… helped me out and I did not do anything.

A real doctor: Oh, you did plenty. I get off on knowing you did as I instructed. And you did, didn’t you?

Entertain me: Yes, of course. Yeah, it was hot… And I enjoyed it, yes.

A real doctor: Is that so? Anything else you’d like to share? I’ve never had such obedient girl. You are very interesting.

Entertain me: Come on, it’s just in this setting that I’m like that. I’m very feisty in real life, I was just wondering what it’d feel like to let go of the control for once, I guess.

Entertain me: But if you need more feedbacks… I hated/loved how long you took to up the speed, and I am genuinely physically drained haha. But in a good way! A very good way.

A real doctor: Let’s talk more once you’ve hydrated. Get some water, and if you can, get cleaned up. I’ll be right here, alright?

Entertain me: right, right. Brb.

 Moving the laptop on my pillow while I sat up, I wrapped my toy with the towel that I had set under myself. When my feet met the ground and I balanced myself, I felt my legs wobbling a bit then made my way to the bathroom silently. I turned on the sink and let the water flow until it was warm and cleaned my toy before cleaning myself and getting changed.

 I made a detour by the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and a sandwich before going back to my bed and sitting down, tailor-style, with my laptop in front of me. There were a few new messages from the doctor, so I put down my food and was ready to reply.

 A real doctor: If you’re willing, I would like to see a picture of your body to check if you’re good.

A real doctor: Now this website does not allow it, but if you have any media in mind, I’m all ears.

Entertain me: Yeah, sure, yep. I don’t have any bruises or anything, but if you’re that worried yeah! Maybe Discord? You’re a doctor, I feel like you don’t have discord.

A real doctor: I don’t know if you’re bratty, or if you are being an idiot on purpose.

Entertain me: omg none? I was voicing my train of thought!

A real doctor: Right. HandSurgeon#4766

Entertain me: Funny name, don’t judge mine. It’s my personal discord, so no sexy pic just, well you’ll see.

 Going to the friend list, I pasted the username in the search bar and added him. I was added back very fast and bided him good night on the website once I was sure it was him on discord. I made sure to save the conversation, just in case… Maybe for later use, if I felt bored.

 HandSurgeon: I don’t even know what’s your profile picture, but I’m not going to mention it again.

Edelweiss: It’s a tardigrade, come on. It’s fun, a bit, right?

Edelweiss: Anyway, let me take that nude for you sir 😉

HandSurgeon: Don’t call it that, it’s to check if you didn’t go too crazy.

Edelweiss: That’s what they say, then they ask for more

 I had to strip down naked once more to take the picture before getting dressed back up, it was getting late but I was still buzzing with energy. I probably won’t talk about this with my roommates, but if they asked why I was up so late I’d have to find an excuse. Telling them I was working would probably work, but then I’d get yelled at for not taking care of myself and having the worse sleep schedule.

 Edelweiss: [sent an attachment]

Edelweiss: Here we go. Sorry if I’m not your type, maybe we should have talked about that first. Now I’m self-conscious, but it’s too late haha…

HandSurgeon: You look gorgeous, don’t go thinking you’re not my type. You are very, very hot. I can see you have food next to you, that’s good. You are taking care, good girl.

HandSurgeon: I can also see from your clock that we’re on the same time zone.

HandSurgeon: Which is good and bad, it’s already 3 am and you are not asleep. Why is that?

Edelweiss: living the student life, only the best life. I was working on some project for my master degree, and I thought: hey I’m horny, let’s go on that funny website.

Edelweiss: And here we are.

Edelweiss: Why are you awake? Shouldn’t you be… getting some sleep to be saving lives in the morning or something?

HandSurgeon: I had just finished a 10 hours surgery, I needed something to distract my mind while working on some paperwork. You did very well in being distracting.

 It felt a lot more real when I read his message. It was now sinking in that he was really a doctor, not any kind, a surgeon. I was not going to ask more details, the less I knew the better. But it was slightly intimidating and at the same time interesting to know he was the real deal. My pride was swelling when I read I was able to distract him from his work, he had done his fair share of helping me out too.

 Edelweiss: I am sorry? Is it… important paperwork? I could let you be, if you want. We could talk another time, when you’re free? My sleeping schedule is fucked up, I don’t know about yours but I am going to be online many late nights haha.

Edelweiss: if you want to, of course. Maybe you don’t want to hear from me again. Actually, I thought I’d be the one to leave the website and not come back, but I kind of enjoyed our session… I wouldn’t mind doing this a bit more if we’re both in the mood of course.

HandSurgeon: You’re so nervous. Don’t be, I’m not going to let you go. What kind of dom would I be if I let such an obedient girl go? Go to sleep, we’ll talk later Edelweiss. Any reason for that name?

Edelweiss: god I didn’t want you to ask, it’s just. It’s a cool flower, it means strength and toughness you know? I’m a tough woman, I deal with shit. I can handle shit, you know?

 I read my message many times, thinking maybe I should have found something funny but thought not. It was just bonding, we were discussing, getting to know one another. It wasn’t half bad. I turned off my computer, and moved to Discord on my phone, to keep talking. When I looked at his picture, it was just a white bear, it looked cute. Funny how he had such a cute picture and he was domming someone on the side, two sides of the same coin I suppose. Come to think of it, maybe he could be an old man, maybe he wasn’t who he said he was…

 HandSurgeon: Interesting, I like it. It’s better than calling you ‘Entertain me’. Not very creative, if you ask me.

Edelweiss: Oh right, because ‘A real doctor’ is better? Maybe you’re not even a doctor. Maybe you’re catfishing me. And I sent you a nude. Oh my god…

HandSurgeon: I am not catfishing you, I can send you a picture. What do you need on it?

Edelweiss: Uh, I don’t know? Write down my name on a paper, and hold it against your chest, then take the picture? With the date! Yeah.

 There wasn’t any reply for a moment, I was starting to panic. Then I received the picture and gasped loudly. Surrounded by the darkness of the room, it was all that could drown my shock. I had to take a double take as I wrote back.

 HandSurgeon: [sent an attachment]

Edelweiss: I mean, … Thank you for... it’s uh. Very. You’re not catfishing me. Nope. I understand why HandSurgeon now, you uh. Yep. Nice gloved hands, very slender. Most people would have held a huge piece of paper between their index finger and their thumb.

Edelweiss: but you opted for middle finger and index. And a smaller paper. Almost as if you were posing really. I do not mind. It’s uh. Enjoyable. Not an old man, no. And the scrubs and all, love it.

HandSurgeon: The scrubs, yes. You believe me, good. You can rest easy now, go to sleep Edelweiss. You probably have work to do tomorrow, and so do I.

HandSurgeon: Sleep well.

Edelweiss: Sweet dreams doc!

 I stared at the screen a bit longer before leaving the app and turning my phone face down on my night stand. What a night. I was so tired, and yet buzzing with excitement. It was strange, it was a strange dynamic but I wanted to discover more. I wanted to know more about this world. What else could this man offer me?

 Closing my eyes, I thought, maybe I could buy a connected sex toy? Sure, they were for couples, but they could definitely be used for other people. It could be fitting if I wanted to give him the control…

 My hands met my face full force and I groaned, I had met this man at best 4 hours ago and I was already desperate to have another session. I was already desperate to let him have the control.

 But it felt nice, so nice to not be in control for once. Yes, I had to hold the toy and read, but he was the one guiding me, it was elating! God, what am I doing? No, it’s alright. I’m an adult, he’s an adult. We’re both consenting adults, having fun. Nothing bad there.

 I’m a sore adult though. Maybe I’d need a few days before letting him have his fun. My eyes closed; I was thinking back on how his undershirt was hugging his form. Was it legal to look like that? I mean, I did not know what he looked like, but the little I saw was enough to make someone dream. His long-sleeved grey shirt was showing off his muscles and it definitely made me weak.

 I scoffed into my pillow, a surgeon. I wonder what else his hands could do. Fortunately, I’ll never meet him in real life, if I met the man I did not know if I’d want to jump him or run away from how intimidating his entire being was.

 It only took me a lot of stupid questions and day dreaming, for my brain to finally shut down and let me sleep. I went to sleep a lot easier than I usually did, perhaps it was because of the nice fucking I gave myself. Or perhaps it was thanks to the energy I spent overthinking the situation. Whichever it was, I was passed out in no time.

 Tomorrow I’ll talk more to the hot doctor and have a bit more fun with him.

[Part 2]

#trafalgardwaterlaw #trafalgar law #one piece trafalgar law #trafalgar one piece #trafalgar law x reader #one piece #one piece x reader #law one piece #law x reader #words of pleasure #WoP #physicalturian #ao3 #writer #writing #writings #fanfiction #N/SFW

[coquelicoq]

i got inspired by that jgs apologism to try my hand at sect leader yao apologism. so here goes lol. after watching his entire sect be massacred, yao is understandably hyper vigilant about something like that happening ever again. he’s not always the best at spotting villains, but wwx is messing with the same evil energies that with did and he’s arrogant and defiant and disrespectful to boot. can you blame him for trying to make sure the kid doesn’t kill them all?

anon, thank you very much for this delightful ask. i had never considered this angle before and i was mostly joking about sect leader yao apologism, so i love that you ran with it. i've been thinking about it and...you might have a point? i am forced to conclude that sect leader yao may, in fact, have rights??

i keep forgetting that sect leader yao was the guy dragged into lotus pier gravely wounded in episode 15 because he was trying (and failing) to protect his disciples from the wen. he's seen firsthand what they can do and he's desperate to keep it from happening again. you're right that wwx's cultivation methods probably seem very similar to wrh's (and/or are very similar to wrh's? tbh i'm still a bit hazy on the details of what exactly wrh was doing with the yin iron), and it is the general scientific consensus that wrh's methods lead to and/or mix very badly with bloodthirstiness and powerhungriness. so i can see how sect leader yao's danger alarms would be going haywire at the combination of 1) unusual cultivation and 2) foreboding, sadistic rhetoric that wwx is giving off. his spidey senses are tingling! he's got a bad feeling about this, chewie!!

using this new lens you have graced me with, i wanted to rewatch the first time we see sect leader yao express a public opinion on the matter of wwx's cultivation, which i think is the scene in episode 21 where wwx is really bringing down the mood at the party nhs threw in his honor. could sect leader yao's pearl-clutching outrage at wwx's teenage goth antics be...valid actually?? interpreting this scene in the most generous (to sect leader yao) way:

the first thing that happens is nmj asks wwx why he didn't bring his sword and wwx is like oh you know, it didn't go with my outfit. sect leader yao gives him some friendly advice about how carrying his sword would probably be good for his image. just doing him a favor! maybe he doesn't realize how he's coming across to people? well, uncle yao is here to help, sport.

then nhs asks wwx to regale the gathering with the rousing tale of how he vanquished the dastardly wen chao! wholesome fun for the whole family. wwx ruins it by responding with something very ominous and creepy about people getting what's coming to them. sect leader ouyang and the dude sitting next to him engage in some gossip about wwx's scary methods while sect leader yao looks on in growing consternation. like, good for the weird kid for standing up to his bully, but maybe making wen chao eat his own leg was taking things too far. uncle yao is just being diligent! you gotta nip these things in the bud before they get really weird. otherwise that's how you get serial killers, and not the kind that just kill a bunch of people during the war and then go home and be normal. no. the weird kind of serial killer.

and lastly, sect leader yao gets up to toast the alliance of the four great clans which will surely overcome the wen once and for all and wwx just. stands up and leaves? that's so rude?? uncle yao is over here leading the assembly in a rousing rendition of the school fight song (for UNITY and TOGETHERNESS, you young whippersnapper) and wwx stomps off and slams the door in his face, basically. he just waltzes moodily out of the pep rally without so much as a "go, team"! 

and what does sect leader yao do in response? he does ONE splutter, ONE hmph, and ONE indignant sleeve flounce. a single sleeve flounce, anon! the man exercises restraint. could we all say that we would do the same in his situation? let he who is without a dramatic sleeve flounce bone in his body throw the first stone.

in conclusion: congratulations, anon! you have unlocked the sect leader yao apologism achievement. try not to let the semi-visibility go to your head like some partially valid sect leaders i could mention.

#is that the first scene where he questions wwx's cultivation? i think it would have to be but it's been a long time since i've #watched the show through chronologically and also the time-stamped episode guide i was using has locked me out #so i am making do with only my wits to guide me. really flying by the seat of my pants here #thank you again for this anon it was a pleasure #the untamed #sect leader yao #using THAT tag for the first time lol #asks #anon

[dailytomlinson]

When reflecting on music’s most influential artists, critics tend to use statistics to measure their legacy—whether it’s a band reaching #1 on the charts, multiple sold-out tours, or albums that represent a generation. Those types of accolades and praise are for bands that, typically, exist within rock with a predominantly sizeable male fanbase, like The Rolling Stones or The Beatles. For English-Irish boyband One Direction, who actually broke one of The Beatles biggest achievements by having five Top 10 debut tracks on the Hot 100 compared to The Beatles’ four, have sold out multiple tours and delivered five albums five years in a row, they have not been regarded as much of an influential force in the music industry as they should be.

Today—on July 23rd 2020—the band celebrates ten years since they first became a band, even if five years of that time was during a prolonged indefinite hiatus while each of the members pursued solo ventures. A decade marks ten years of One Direction and, for the fans, ten years of an impactful legacy the band, both together and apart, has had on their lives.

After being thrown together on The X-Factor back in July 2010, the band did more in five years than most bands do in their entire careers; they released five albums and sold more than 6.49 million copies in just America alone, filmed one concert documentary and one tour film, completed multiple world tours, and pursued philanthropic ventures. All of those things didn’t come without a price, though. Zayn Malik left the band in 2014 due to his mental health suffering. The band toured consistently every year with hardly ever having any personal time off, and add in an album release a year, they were extremely overworked.

There’s a belief boy bands have an expiry date, and it’s likely their management felt they needed to get as much out of the band while they believed they were still relevant. It’s likely that fans would’ve stuck around if the members took time between their albums and tours. In 2015, when the hiatus began, people wondered if One Direction really could ever come back and, if they did, would fans still really care about them?

“One Direction was one of the biggest and most successful bands,” said @TheHarryNews, a Twitter fan update account. “They achieved amazing things in the five years they were together, despite being overworked by putting out albums and touring every year, which isn’t normal.”

One specific thread that ties together every fans’ thoughts when they reflect on why they decided to become fans of the boys in the first place is the carefree and loving rapport the band has with one another. We’ve all seen The X Factor video diaries, laughed over their banter during interviews, and watched every live performance they did to look out for cute interactions between our favourite members. In their own unique way, One Direction helped defy traits typically associated with toxic masculinity; they didn’t shy away from their affection for one another and made that known in interviews and concerts. Their friendship set them apart, made them more real, and through them, we made friendships of our own.

When someone seeks out new friends, they go to where they feel safest: the communities of people who love the same things as they do. Social media not only propelled the band to international audiences, but it also helped many fans meet the people they now call their lifelong friends. “They have impacted my life in ways I never thought a ‘boyband’ could,” said Lauren, a fan from Buffalo, NY. “They gave me the best friends I could ever ask for, helped me when I was lost and thought I had no one. They ultimately helped me find myself.”

Social media did more than just help us make friends. It was also a major catalyst for the band’s success, and a large part is due to update accounts on Twitter that were created by fans, for fans. Fan-created update accounts would document every single movement and moment made by the band’s five members, whether it was live-streaming a concert or updating fans on the band’s whereabouts. For @With1DNews, a UK/Canada-based update account, it’s a labour of true love for the band that “glued them together” in the first place. “We found each other through our 1D fan accounts on Twitter,” they said. “We started talking about the boys, then our lives, and quickly became great friends.”

Even though they started the account after the hiatus already began, they still felt like fans needed One Direction news. “We had noticed there weren’t really any active 1D update accounts left and we knew a lot of fellow 1D fans were still interested in seeing news about the boys’ careers and lives. It was also because we missed seeing 1D together and hearing about them together. We thought, why not create this space that connects them even if they’re now all going their own way.”

Update accounts take as much time, effort, and energy as an unpaid second job; it requires those who run them to schedule themselves accordingly to cover certain times of each day to ensure their fellow fans get updated in a timely manner, and they do as much fact-checking and researching that any other traditional news outlet does.

Even if some critics might not consider One Direction an influential force in the music industry, the impact they continue to have on their fans is what has set them apart from every other musical act. In a scene in One Direction’s concert documentary, This Is Us, a fan breathlessly states “I know they love me, even if they don’t know me.” This type of parasocial relationship to a band is something not many understand; it’s a sense of intimacy that doesn’t require either party to actually deeply know one another on a personal level but is still as meaningful and significant as actual relationships.

A connection with the band is even more prevalent for Amy, a Los Angeles based writer and mum of two, because of the impact the band has had on her family is something that isn’t tangible but has been detrimental to her children’s development. “I have a child with physical and neurological disabilities who, prior to One Direction, was completely non-verbal and really struggling to find motivation and happiness amongst all the doctors and therapy appointments,” stated Amy. “They have done more for her development, including indirectly teaching her to speak and sing, than any therapy she’s ever done. Up until we found the boys, everything was trial and error; trying to find what makes sense to her and would, in turn, make the world make sense to her. Who knew the key would be a ‘silly’ boy band?”

Many fans have expressed that the band is their happy place – the only positive light in their life when things got tough. For so many, the band came at a time when they desperately needed something to help them through difficult situations whether that be pressure from school, jobs, peers, or life in general. Watching the ‘Best Song Ever’ music video, or a funny interview felt like a cure to smile and laugh after a long day. “They were what we turned to when we felt overwhelmed in our own lives. Now, we’re adults, and they still bring us as much happiness as they did when we were younger,” says @With1DNews.

Not only that, but the band has also helped fans gain more confidence in themselves. By helping create a space and community for them, fans who may have felt lonely, different, or struggled to find a place they belonged had somewhere to go now. They made friends who accepted them, endless content that felt like a burst of serotonin, and a band of boys who told them through lyrics how great and valuable they are, songs like ‘Through the Dark’, ‘Diana’, and ‘Little Things’. Through the band, One Direction fans created their own safe space to work out and navigate their own identity; a space that is free from outside shame where they could be whoever they wanted to be because the people they loved the most accepted them for exactly who they are.

Despite the safety found in those spaces, others have given those fans different descriptions: Hysterical. Rabid. Extra. ‘Screamers.’ Those are just a few of the many words that have been used to describe female fans of boy bands, both past and present. Although these words carry negative connotations, they imply something more powerful than any naysayer could understand or try to define: the sheer force that comes with unashamedly loving something so deeply, you don’t really care about anyone else’s opinions.

Young female fans are the most supportive, passionate fanbase an artist can have, yet they are the most trivialized and ridiculed both within and outside of the music industry. At the start of their career, music’s most beloved band The Beatles was a boy band that catapulted into fame because of, not despite, their female fans. It wasn’t until male fans noticed the band’s progression into an experimental sound when they decided to embrace the band and deem them worthy of their support after they began playing ‘real’ music.

Even if there are major similarities between The Beatles and One Direction, the latter is still regarded by many to be a manufactured pop boy band with a ‘teenybopper’ fanbase. The members of the band have consistently embraced and validated their predominantly female fanbase; Harry Styles has been consistently vocal about this matter, going so far as to say “Teenage-girl fans — they don’t lie. If they like you, they’re there. They don’t act ‘too cool.’ They like you, and they tell you.”

In ‘Girl Almighty’, the fifth track on their fourth album, Four, the band addressed the way their fans have been misjudged and labelled ‘crazy’ because of their passion and not only applauded them for their dedication and love, but bowed down to them as well; “Let’s have another toast to the girl almighty […] I get down on my knees for you.” Not only has One Direction always known who helped them get to where they are today, but they’ve also never shied away from declaring their respect for them, constantly validating their fans’ feelings.

For One Direction’s fans, a decade of the band’s formation represents ten years of a legacy that will continue on, even if the band never formally get back together. For Amy, it doesn’t really matter if they got their start on a TV talent show because it’s the fans that made them and set the band apart from every other boyband. “What we all created together feels so untouchable in regards to boy bands of the past and ones to come. I think people will look back in awe and see what we see; we’ve been so incredibly lucky to have witnessed the magic of One Direction.”

They might not be aware of it, but One Direction was incredible at predicting what was to come in their own music; “Who’s gonna be the first to say goodbye?” / “But it’s not the end, I’ll see your face again” / “We had some good times, didn’t we? We wore our hearts out on our sleeve” / “We could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen.” In ‘Best Song Ever’, a song that ordinary listeners would not exactly consider overly sentimental or profound, there is one lyric that will always stand out for the fans to represent One Direction’s legacy perfectly: “I hope you’ll remember how we danced.” Ten years later, we haven’t forgotten.

#tmrw magazine #230720 #10years1d #press

[susiephone]

my big gay folklore narrative

This is my best construction of the folklore narrative, specifically the Teenage Love Triangle. While some of these connections are obvious, some are just me going full Pepe Silvia and interpreting the characters in ways you may disagree with. And, again, this is super-duper gay. (Yes, James is female in my mind. I know a lot of people point out it can be a girl’s name -- which it can, so valid -- but I personally like to imagine she’s one of like 20 Jessicas or Ashleys at their school and goes by her last name. Either way, it works.)

Our story is set in a small town in Pennsylvania in the late 90s/early 2000s, and it concerns four girls: James, Betty, Inez, and August. I will do this story roughly chronological order, but due to the nature of the album there will be some jumping.

seven

When Betty is young, things at home aren’t easy. Her father is abusive and she doesn’t feel safe there, but she does have solace in a childhood friend of hers. Her friend does her best to protect her (“I think you should come live with me, and we can be pirates, and you won’t have to cry, or hide in the closet”), and they love each other very much.

Sadly, her friend moves out of Pennsylvania with her family when they’re young, and because this is pre-internet, they lose track of each other, and years later, Betty’s friend only half-remembers her -- but she still holds a fond place in her heart. (“And even though I can’t recall your face, I still got love for you.”)

cardigan / exile / august / betty

I’m lumping these four together because I think they all happen in the same year or so, constantly overlapping each other.

Flash forward to high school. By now, Betty’s father has left her and her mother, which is for the best, but the whole ordeal was pretty traumatic. (“I knew you, leaving like a father, running like water.”) She’s bisexual but closeted, and James is one of her classmates. James is a rebellious tomboy and it’s basically an open secret among the adults (and most of their classmates) that she’s probably a lesbian, but she’s still closeted. (“I’m only seventeen, I don’t know anything.”)

The two girls become close friends, and eventually begin kissing and holding hands in private, but both are too scared to go further, or to come out and say that they really care for each other. Betty tries to broach the topic multiple times, but James brushes her off.

Finally, Betty plucks up the courage to suggest she and James go to the spring dance together, as a couple, and let the chips fall where the may.

James, in true disaster lesbian fashion, freaks the fuck out and says “no,” even claiming it was only a fling to her. Which is total crap, and deep down they both know it, but Betty’s really hurt. The night of the dance, James has a change of heart, realizes she needs to take a stand and show Betty how much she loves her (“Tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy”), so gets all dolled up and she goes to the dance... and sees Betty dancing with a guy. (“I can see you starin', honey, like he's just your understudy. Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me. Second, third, and hundredth chances, balancin' on breaking branches. Those eyes add insult to injury.” / “I hate the crowds, you know that. Plus, I saw you dance with him.”)

Hurt and angry, James leaves. Betty follows, and they have a massive fight; James accuses Betty of using her, while Betty calls her a coward. (“You never gave me a sign.” “I gave so many signs!”) They call things off and it’s miserable.

While James is walking home from the dance, August, a classmate of theirs who’s out and proud, offers her a ride home. (“High heels on cobblestones” / “I was walking home on broken cobblestones, just thinking of you when she pulled up like a figment of my worst intentions. She said "James, get in, let's drive.”) Soon, this turns into a fling. Being with August is a nice distraction, and helps James fully come to terms with the fact that she’s gay, but she desperately misses Betty. However, when Inez finds out August and James are a thing, she mentions it to Betty, who responds by avoiding James altogether.

Unbeknownst to James, August is really falling for her. August, meanwhile, is aware that she’s a runner-up to who James really wants, but she hopes that eventually James will see her the same way she sees her. (“For me, it was enough to live for the hope of it all. Canceled plans just in case you'd call and say, ‘Meet me behind the mall.’ So much for summer love and saying ‘us,’ ‘cause you weren't mine to lose.”)

But summer ends, and James breaks things off with August, determined to get Betty back. She works up the courage to go to Betty’s party, ask forgiveness, and rekindle their relationship; for real this time. (“Will you have me? Will you love me? Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it? Will it patch your broken wings? I'm only seventeen, I don't know anything, but I know I miss you. Standing in your cardigan, kissing in my car again. Stopped at a streetlight, you know I missed you.”)

mirrorball

I like to imagine “mirrorball” is told from the perspective of Inez, the school gossip. James claims “you can’t believe a word she says most times,” which I take to mean that she has a bit of rep, and is known to exaggerate. I think Inez is one of those girls who became the girl who’s up in everyone’s business because she wants people to like and pay attention to her, but doesn’t think she’s impressive enough on her own. (“I can change everything about me to fit in.”) And, to an extent, it works. When something happens, people look to her to get the dirt. Whether the story she circulates is true is an entirely different matter. (“I can show you every version of yourself tonight.”)

The result is, well into adulthood, Inez has a reputation for being a “people person,” but deep down, she feels like she’s faking it. (“I’ve never been a natural; all I do is try, try, try.”)

the 1

This song is from August’s perspective years later, when she’s all grown up and looking back at her fling with James. She’s doing good these days, dating people and living her life, but she does think back on what could’ve been. She’s not bitter, but she does wonder how life might’ve turned out if James picked her instead of Betty. (“It would’ve been fun if you would’ve been the one...”)

hoax / peace

These two also take place at roughly the same time, as Betty and James finish high school as a couple and finally truly grow up. (“Our coming-of-age has come and gone. Suddenly this summer, it's clear, I never had the courage of my convictions as long as danger is near.”)

Between the reactions of people around them, both of their insecurities, Betty’s history of people hurting her, and James’ impulsiveness, things aren’t easy. (“I could never give you peace.” / “Stood at the cliffside, screaming, ‘Give me a reason.’”) However, neither are willing to call it quits. (“Don’t want no other shade of blue but you.”)

So, things aren’t all rosy right away. But they resolve to make it work. (“All these people think love’s for show, but I would die for you in secret.”) It takes a long time, but I like to think that eventually, they do.

invisible string

This could be seen as being from either Betty or James’ perspective, years later - once they’ve both fully grown up and their relationship has matured. It talks about how past bad relationships led them to each other. As we’ve seen, both were with people who weren’t right for them - but it all eventually led to them being able to be together. (“Were there clues I didn't see? And isn't it just so pretty to think, all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?”)

the last great american dynasty

This is totally irrelevant to the love triangle, but how fun is it to imagine this song as one of Inez’s many wild stories? As an adult, she’s making bank, and still drawing controversy everywhere--and loving it. (“I had a marvelous time ruining everything.”)

#folklore #teenage love triangle #the teenage love triangle #gaylor #betty #kaylor #taylor swift #abuse cw #suicide mention cw

[scarletjedi]

Sangcheng Time Travel Fixit Outline Part 1: The Cloud Recesses

I finally figured out how this (17 page!) outline ends! Now posting can begin! Every day until I’m finished, I’ll post the next section of the outline. The goal is that it reads as, like, not!fic - and if you’ve ever chatted with me about fic, this format will be *very familiar* to you. There’s nothing explicit, though there is (semi)detailed references to *how* I’d write sex between two characters (Sangcheng, Wangxian)

Both narrative pieces that I’ve written and posted also have their homes on this outline. You can find them linked below. (Links are currently to the original tumblr post. AO3 links will be added once I’ve posted)

Enjoy!

This fic takes place in the Untamed/CQL verse with some minor details cherrypicked from the books - namely the fact that Wangxian are not only deeply in love, but very horny for each other. 

We begin immediately post-canon, when Jiang Cheng drags Nie Huaisang back to Lotus Pier from the events of the Guanyin Temple.

This scene establishes where their relationship is, currently: two friends who had crushes on each other during their time in the Cloud Recesses, who drifted into a loose friends-with-benefits situation that petered out around the time Nie Huaisang became sect leader.

There were moments over the years where it might have happened started up again, but Jiang Cheng was grieving and has never met an honest emotion he couldn’t turn into anger and Nie Huaisang had begun to plot and couldn’t risk anyone being that close to him. There was mutual pining, but I’m not sure either of these delightful idiots knew recognized it in themselves

Jiang Cheng has *questions* and Huaisang has *answers* and he will get them…tomorrow. He’s tired and mostly just wants to drink with a friend he thought he lost - actual friends being a bit thin on the ground for both of them.

They are both tired, raw, and a bit bloody. They both need a night to lick fresh wounds (of both kinds). Jiang Cheng is reeling from purging (mostly) the poison from his relationship with Wei Wuxian (which might have left him with no relationship, and he doesn’t know what to DO with that), and Nie Huaisang has just completed a grand plan a decade in the making in a bloody, terrifying way that nearly killed everyone. It could have gone so wrong, but it worked, but people know and he doesn’t know what to DO with that, but he’s coming to realize that for all of his planning, he never figured out what to do *next*

They fall into bed together, for that kinds of “I need to feel something and you’re alive but also here but also hot” sex. Never underestimate the inherent homoeroticism of wound care

I feel like their relationship could be, like, reverse wangxian in that they fuck BEFORE *I would happily die for you but instead I will live for you* love

“Sangcheng Time Travel Fixit Chapter 1” (Tumblr | AO3) 

They wake up the next morning…AT THE CLOUD RECESSES (bum bum BUM)

I thought about having them wake up in Lotus Pier/Qinghe but then I decided to limit their emotional upheaval – in other words, Jiang Cheng needs some therapy before he meets his parents again, and I like the drama of Nie Huaisang having to spend the summer in Gusu while his (still living!) brother is back home…with MENG YAO still a trusted aid!

Jiang Cheng is conflicted because his brother is his brother, right there, 16 and carefree and concerned because Jiang Cheng is staring at him and it’s freaking out and he’s beginning to “worry, Jiang Cheng, do you need to visit the infirmary?”

His core is his own, weaker than it was the night before, but stronger than he remembers and *familiar* which makes him wonder if he was as weak as he thought he had been. He then stops thinking that way, because it raises more questions that he’s not ready to face yet.

He knows Jin Ling doesn’t exist yet, and his hand feels *bare* without Zidain, but if he doesn’t have it, it’s because his mother *does* and that means Lotus Pier hasn’t burned, they haven’t fallen to war and *A-Jie is alive!* and he had grieved for all of them, moved on, but none of that matters when she’s sleeping in the girl’s dormitory!

Nie Huaisang wakes and *screams* into his pillow because he had *passed* these courses, damnit, was this his punishment for the lengths he went to avenge his brother? Then, of course, he realizes the that not only is Mingjue alive, but (since this is CQL canon), Meng Yao is *right there.* He didn’t even have a full day to process everything he’d done, and here the universe was, throwing Meng Yao in his face, and one that had not yet done any of the terrible things that eventually lead to his downfall. 

It doesn’t take long for him to adapt, thinking “well, I wanted a new project.”

He is nearly late to class because he’s caught up in his initial scheming – there isn’t much he can do while stuck in Gusu, but he can begin building a network, making connections…

I want a moment later when Jiang Cheng is concerned that the scheming isn’t actually good for Nie Huaisang because it’s not giving him a chance to process anything, but the plan will also hopefully keep Jiang Cheng’s family alive, so he’s not going to look too closely at that. He’ll be there to help Nie Huaisang pick up the pieces, after. He was *good* at rebuilding, after all.

Nie Huaisang meets with Jiang Cheng an Wei Wuxian, slipping easily back into the role of his flighty teenage self, but lets the mask slip when he sees Jiang Wanyin watching from behind Jiang Cheng’s eyes. He’s not surprised when Jiang Cheng corners him after Wei Wuxian is dragged off by Lan Wangji for punishment. 

Obligatory observation of how oblivious they all were to WangXian’s whole deal, with a side of “man everyone is so damned young. We were children!” 

They disappear into the backwoods to talk away from possible prying ears and agree to do what they can to make things better. This will, later on, be something cited to convince people (perhaps even themselves) that they were dating for longer than they realized. 

Jiang Cheng has a moment’s doubt about taking a more active role in Nie Huaisang’s plotting because he has a tendency to break delicate things, but then Nie Huaisang points out that he didn’t break Lotus Pier (not delicate) or Jin Ling (debatable, he’s as angry as I am), and Nie Huaisang trusts him, so he can trust himself. (which may be the moment when Nie Huaisang realizes Jiang Cheng’s desperate need for validation. This absolutely gets brought back during sex becuase Jiang Cheng’s praise king is visible from *space*)

Nie Huaisang rolls out the broad strokes of his plan, and Jiang Cheng is appalled that it will take years. “Wanyin, I waited ten years to kill one man that I knew personally. This is a *lot more complicated*”

Jiang Cheng agrees to it, because of course he does, but also because there really isn’t much they can do right now (Because Jiang Cheng doesn’t view “making connections” as a *thing* to be done. It’s something that happens or doesn’t. Nie Huaisang looks very sad when he admits that, but Jiang Cheng doesn’t quite understand why).

This means, of course, that they have an excuse, nay, a *reason* to act like the teenagers they *look* like rather than the grown men they *are.*

“You were an old man when we were teenagers the first time, Wanyin. You know what’s coming. All the more reason to have fun *now*” 

“What’s coming is why I – and you – need to train. Don’t make that face at me. I’m not your brother, those puppy eyes won’t save you. I said don’t-- *sigh* fine!”

The plan is, of course, to unite the heirs of the sects as best they can to give Nie Huaisang connections he can manipulate later for information, moves, etc. Which means making real friends. Which means befriending Jin Zixuan. Lan Wangji (with bonus get-WangXian-together-now-because-13-years-of-pining-was-painful-to-witness). And Wen Qing/Wen Ning. I’m also going to include MianMian and Jiang Yanli because there needs to be more  girls in this story. Girls who *live*

There could be some drama of the “does Jiang Cheng like Wen Qing??” variety, but I think that’s mostly something the others speculate on. I think by this point in his life, he likes Nie Huaisang more. Wen Qing is okay with this, as I stan lesbian Wen Qing.

During this time, they begin an actualfax friend group.

Wen Ning blossoms with friends his own age. This goes a long way with bringing Wen Qing to their side, and will lead the way to her going to Nie Huaisang for help later rather than Wei Wuxian. He’s smart and wise, just shy

Jiang Cheng looks at Jin Zixuan and realizes that the boy is a lot like Jin Ling in that, being raised in Koi Tower means that he doesn’t actually know how to person – it’s all artifice. He realizes that Jin Zixuan’s disdain about his A-Jie has actually nothing to do with her personally, and he’s mostly terrified/angry about an arranged marriage and doesn’t want to become his father. Behind the front, he’s actually romantic and thoughtlessly kind when he’s allowed to be, just a little dim/sheltered

“Why Is He Here” (Tumblr | AO3) 

Jin Zixuan knows about Meng Yao – it caused an argument big enough for him to finally notice, and tells them that he’d like a brother – and it’s so wistful that it has Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian looking at each other, and Nie Huaisang contemplating adjusting his plans to *rehabilitate* rather than *kill* Meng Yao. He’d killed him once, after all, and it didn’t feel exactly like he’d expected it to

Jin Zixuan does not know about Mo Xanyu, who had just been born. Nie Huaisang basically tells him (where there’s one, there’s many) and Jin Zixuan is officially looking so he can offer assistance. 

Lan Wangji is clearly sublimating his epic boner for Wei Wuxian into anger/self-flagellation, and for the first time since he was a child, he’s questioning the rules and it’s not a comfortable process (hence following it more severely in self-defense). He doesn’t know how to bend the way Lan Xichen doesm and the subject of his gay awakening is *oblivious.* Still, once he’s nudged in the right direction (and Wei Wuxian is hit by a clue-by-four) he does begin to walk that single-plank bridge with Wei Wuxian, he shows a very critical view of blindly following orders (what is black, what is white?), a bitchy/wicked sense of humor, and a softness for fluffy things. In other words, we get a Lan Wangji more willing to buck convention earlier in life. 

Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng also spend time together – at first it was because of planning/being the only adults in their group, but then it was because they really, actually like each other. They begin “dating” without quite realizing it – studying together, painting and poetry and fashion (look at JC’s clothing, he’s as much of a clothes horse as Nie Huaisang. I want them to go shopping together, wearing jewelry and lacquered nails. Bonus points for Jiang Cheng in makeup, even if it’s just because Nie Huaisang wants to paint him), sparring (Nie Huaisang has to basically relearn how to fight with his fans as he picked it up later in life) – but also kissing.

Like lots of kissing. A lot of it is surprisingly chaste because I’m keeping the whole “savor your childhood” thing, but I think once they cross back over into mutual orgasms, that tends to take lead. 

This includes praise kink, service top!Huaisang, power bottom!Jiang Cheng, topping from the bottom (Huaisang). Why? Because Jiang Cheng needs to let go and Nie Huaisang needs to have control.

I also like “weak for a Nie” Huaisang, so there might be some of that surprising!strength. 

Wei Wuxian clearly finds out (about the kissing), but it leads to them being an authority he actually listens to when they tell him “you want to bug Lan Wangji so much because you want to kiss his face.” (so, When Lan Wangji listens to Jiang Cheng and flirts back rather than getting angry – WangXian may actually fuck in the library)

This means, of course, that Wei Wuxian doesn’t punch Jin Zixuan and get sent home. This means the engagement stays (and may get pushed forward because of the looming war). This means Lanling Jin is better allied with Yunmeng Jiang and (at the will of the first Madame Jin) the Jins will march if Lotus Pier is attacked.

Of course, Wangxian are hardly discrete. They are found out and *WANGJI ADMITS THAT THEY’RE ALREADY MARRIED* because they still wind up in the Cold Pond Cave. Even Nie Huaisang is taken by surprise as that’s not something that ever went public. (This has the benefit of also putting the Yin Iron into play because action plot!). This leads to the announcement of Wangji’s public wedding to Wei Wuxian at the end of summer, which means Jiang Fengman (and Yanli) arrive not to take Wei Wuxian home but to negotiate the marriage contract.

This brings the Clan Heads together (all but the Wens – Wen Qing is already there, after all, and the Wens are less concerned with keeping up appearances.)

Nie Mingjue brings back Meng Yao, which means Jin Zixuan sees when their father snubs him, so Jin Zixuan steps up and makes an overture of friendship. For the few weeks that they’re there, Meng Yao is brought into the friend group (Jiang Cheng always forgot they were about the same age) which limits his exposure to Lan Xichen.

Lan Xichen is fine with this because it means he gets Nie Mingjue all to himself. That’s right – this is also a Nielan fic. Boom.

Meng Yao has already been snubbed, and is desperate to prove himself (and failing that, make Jin Guangshan eat it), but he’s taken aback by Jin Zixuan’s earnestness. He’s also not yet released Xue Yang – the wedding interrupted those plans. 

Nie Huaisang all but throws himself at Nie Mingjue, who is a bit confused because Nie Huaisang *passed* Lan Qiren’s lessons, so there’s no reason for him to act a fool. (He hugs him tightly anyway. He’s his baby brother, after all.)

Nie Huaisang teases Nie Mingjue about Lan Xichen (he’s going to encourage that relationship) and introduces him to Wen Qing (which goes less well, but it is a wedding and Mingjue is in a good mood. It helps that they bond being older siblings).

Before they leave, Mingjue asks Huaisang if he should be sending a formal proposal to Jiang Cheng Lotus Pier on Huaisang’s behalf. Huaisang is shocked that Mingjue would even consider such an outrageous— “besides, Wanyin is to be sect leader, Da-ge. The proposal should come from him!”

(Part 2) (Part 3)

#the untamed #sj writes the untamed #the great sangcheng time travel fix it fic project #sangcheng #fic update #background wangxian #time travel

[apathetically-hopeful]

Insecurity 7/14/21

I’ve always struggled with a lot of insecurities in my life. Stemming from very early in my life; I was always the short and small kid; a prime target for life’s bullies. I was a gentle, emotional and sentimental person from a young age. Always trying to view the world through a lens that I didn’t fully understand. Often times people would refer to me as an “old soul”. However I never realized that this was a gentle way of saying that I had a raw nerve that would forever be tortured by the cold realities of life. 

It didn’t help that my brother was seven years older than me, and we had different fathers. I think he always resented the fact that he was being raised by my real dad, and, in turn, took it out on me. We never had strong sibling bonds; in fact, it always felt more like I was living in his shadow. Just imagine that the shadow hates you; for something you couldn’t possibly understand, and had no responsibility for. I don’t believe it was ever a conscious decision on his part, but nonetheless, it fucked me up royally. A seven year age gap is a lot when the person you’re supposed to look up to, and be shaped by, is merciless in their efforts to invalidate you at every turn. 

Nothing I ever did was good enough for him. I was often made to feel like an outcast in my own home. It was like living under the constant pressure of psychological warfare. Nothing was sacred, it seemed. I wanted nothing more than to have my big brother’s approval. But I was criticized at every turn; how I dressed, talked, acted and even looked. This wasn’t a group of insecure teenagers figuring out social cues. This was my thirteen year old brother talking to a six year old me. Often going so far as to convince me I was adopted, or handicapped. It continued perpetually through the years until he left for college. By the time I got to the age where I understood whatever he was talking about at the time he was that age, I was so worn down psychologically that I just ended up believing everything. Like somehow when he was that age, he was talking to the future me, as if he were my peer, and assuring me that I’d never measure up when I got there.

As a result, I’ve never felt equal to my peers; or, really, anyone in life. The constant feeling of inadequacy was only compounded by my low self esteem, and emotional disconnect from those around me. People say to treat uniqueness like something to be treasured, but honestly it creates a feeling of isolation. When you’re on a different wavelength than those around you, it is hard to connect with them. I find that this is true of myself in most social situations. Like I just really don’t understand interaction well enough to do it with any kind of success. The irony is that I seem to draw people in, but once they find their place in my life; I don’t know how to maintain the connections. Leading to some kind of constant need to exhaust myself through extroversion, and maintaining some kind of unrealistically high bar I’ve set for myself.

The moment I feel distance growing, or even falsely perceive it; I become withdrawn. Often straining my relationships further than they were ever in danger of before. I crave genuine human connection so badly that I overwhelm myself and others with my need for assurances and validation. I suppose that being self aware of this is an important step in fixing it. I’m still in the process of shedding so many learned habits from my youth. Changing the narrative in your head, that you’ve never been enough, is something that perpetually fluctuates depending on your emotional needs at the time.

Lately, my life has been a delicate balancing act of finding self worth and protecting the parts of me I cherish. It’s like the things inside me that I am trying to change, are trying desperately to take something valuable with them on their way out. I’m in such a constant state of flux that I change mindsets from; “I’m the fucking man” to “I’m unlovable and doomed”, nearly seamlessly. The latter has been less intrusive lately, but it’s hard not to find comfort in the wounds of my insecurities at times. What I do know is that I’m progressing. I’m more assured of my self than I think I’ve ever been. The process of growth has been filled with pain and brutal truths, but I find what truly matters now, is protecting what I’ve built and continuing to nurture it.

Insecurity isn’t always a bad thing, it makes us vulnerable and perceptive to the thoughts and feelings of others. Leaning into it however, is dangerous. Stand tall my friends, because somewhere, buried underneath all of your wreckage, is something truly beautiful. Love always,

Trevor.

#mental health #therapy #insecurity #emotions #vulnerability #healing #positivity #trauma #childhood

[ladymazzy]

One year on: the BLM event that divided a Gloucestershire town

I'm beyond furious and exasperated with the perpetuation of the lie that racism is a thing of the past. This woman is only 25, and her recounting her experiences of going to school as a Black girl in the West Country only around a decade ago speaks volumes

Some highlights from the article. (CW for racism and White Fragility™️):

Growing up, Khady Gueye was one of just a handful of black pupils at her school in the Forest of Dean in Gloucestershire. By the time she was a teenager, she was desperate to fit in and conform. And so when her nickname became “Nigs” – short for the N-word – Gueye didn’t challenge it.

Here, in the rural west of England, where she had been fed racist stereotypes of black people her whole life, she didn’t want to be labelled “the angry black girl” or the self-pitying minority who “couldn’t take a joke” or what was considered a “bit of light banter”.

And so it was, that on the last day of school where it is tradition for year 11s to scrawl goodbye messages on one another’s school shirts, Gueye took home a shirt covered with the N-word in giant block capital letters across the front. “Gonna Miss You Nigs” was written on the back next to jokes about golliwogs and messages of good luck.

Gueye was supposed to consider it an affectionate send-off; it was written by her own friends. It was 2012, the year Britain proudly celebrated its optimistic and diverse Olympic Games opening ceremony, or as Conservative MP Aidan Burley would call it, “multicultural crap”.

“I became complicit in allowing it to continue, by being ‘Ha ha! Good joke guys,’” says Gueye, flatly. “But when you grow up in an area that is so predominantly white and are already made to feel different, you just do your best to fit in. The ideal is don’t call out racism. Let it slide. You become so accustomed to it, it becomes your norm.”

Now 25 and on the verge of finishing her English degree at Manchester University, Gueye has become a local community organiser and is more visible than ever in the town where she was born and grew up.

“I don’t want my daughter to grow up with the same experience I did,” she says emphatically, over lunch at her local pub. “This is my home and it’s a lovely area to bring up a family in. I want my daughter to have a life where she is celebrated for who she is, not feel attacked or unwelcome because of her skin colour.”

But Gueye’s attempts to hold a small “celebration of BAME (black, Asian and minority ethnic) culture” sparked a furious backlash that, one year on, still reverberates throughout the small Gloucestershire town of Lydney.

...an online petition was set up to stop the event going ahead on the grounds that it was unsafe and high risk in the middle of a pandemic. Organiser Natasha Saunders wrote: “A mass gathering is a slap in the face to people who have been tirelessly shielding themselves, the elderly and loved ones from this virus.”

Anger, tension and outright abuse boiled over online as a counter-petition to support the event was organised. It got twice the number of signatures, leading Saunders to say that hers was more valid by claiming “90% of [signatories] are from Lydney, can you say yours was?” Later, she would make Eldridge-Tull gasp by posting: “He couldn’t breathe, now we can’t speak”, in a reference to Floyd’s murder by a police officer.

“We’re a happy community, we don’t really have an issue with racism,” said one middle-aged man, who didn’t want his name published, as he nursed a pint outside a local pub. “Outsiders bring their problems, but there’s not a lot of them here,” he said, echoing in politer terms a point that was made repeatedly to the Observer last week.

Last year, Gueye and Eldridge-Tull spent hours patiently replying to comments online in an attempt to explain the event and reassure people about it, but still received threats. Hundreds of screenshots of the abuse have been shared with the Observer. A typical missive read: “Fuck off. Not everyone agrees with black lives. I can’t say what I want on here coz I’ll be reported for racism. But I would bring back black slavery.” Gueye was repeatedly told to go back to where she came from if she didn’t like it and that she would be responsible for bringing harm to Lydney residents.

The pair’s standard response to those with genuine concerns about mass gatherings in a health pandemic, during a lockdown, was to keep explaining that social distancing was being strictly adhered to – two-metre grids were hand-chalked by Gueye and Eldridge-Tull on the site – and that PPE was being provided to anyone who didn’t have any.

“I think it speaks volumes that BAME people are still willing to protest for their human rights even though they are disproportionately affected by the pandemic,” wrote Gueye. “Maybe this should highlight the severity of the inequality in our society”.

....

When asked if she [deputy mayor, Tess Tremlett] accepted there were a lot of racist aspects to the abuse the organisers had endured, Tremlett replied: “I think some of the comments coming from supporters of the event were actually racist in themselves. They were called ‘white trash’, they were called Nazis and all sorts.”

But as anti-racist activists have spent the last year explaining, racism isn’t simply prejudice based on how one looks, but a system...[based] around a specific set of ideas – in this case, racist ones.

It is useful to explain why it is possible for white people to experience individual prejudice and unpleasant behaviour simply based on the colour of their skin but why it is inaccurate to call that “racism”. Being white does not mean one is more likely to be criminalised by the police, or that one is more likely to work in lower-paid frontline work or that one is more likely to be exposed to and die of Covid as a result.

In Gloucestershire, for instance, police statistics show that being black means you are nine times more likely to be stopped and searched by the police than you would if you were white.

The numbers are blankly disproportionate; there are just over 5,000 black people resident in the county compared with 570,000 white people. Last year, Gloucestershire council published evidence that jobseekers from minority ethnic groups had to send an average of 60% more applications to receive the same level of interest as white candidates. It’s not a conversation that Lydney, like much of the country, appears to have much interest in yet.

Tremlett, who has two decades of experience working in community engagement, explained that her sole reason for opposing the event was to be lawful. “Racism is the biggest insult anyone can say to me and I was called a racist by Khady’s team, whoever they are.” Was being called a racist worse than the actual racism that Gueye was continually facing in her everyday life? At this, Tremlett began to cry.

”You don’t understand,” she said, explaining that her daughter had been to three Indian weddings, that her builder was black, and that she had run an equalities panel for years as a councillor. Her experience – being called a racist, being abused online – when she felt she was doing the right thing, understandably made her defensive and upset. But it’s a difficult position for Gueye and Eldridge-Tull to deal with. Especially as she described Gueye as “aggressive and confrontational”.

Last year, Tremlett took the matter of the Forest of Dean’s BLM movement to local Conservative MP Mark Harper, who raised the matter in the House of Commons.

On 17 June, Harper, who may be best known as the immigration minister responsible for sending vans encouraging illegal immigrants to “go home” around parts of London, appeared to encourage an online pile-on against Eldridge-Tull, who had a tenth of his 30,000 followers, and demanded she apologise to the local community for tweeting: “The reaction to the BLM protest in Lydney has brought to light so much support, but so much hate. I love where I live, but I’m ashamed of my neighbours, and ashamed to be part of a community that has so widely endorsed and exacerbated racial hatred.”

....

When Gueye posted a picture of her school-leaver’s shirt on Instagram last year, one of her schoolfriends wrote that it was outrageous, and that she was impressed with everything Gueye was doing. “I was really happy she felt that but it was awkward,” says Gueye. “I messaged her back to say that she was one of the people who wrote those messages.” An embarrassed silence followed, but Gueye is hopeful and optimistic. “It’s still a positive sign.”

#guardian articles #uk racism #uk politics #blm protests #the uk is not innocent #never tory #there's a special place in my soul where i nuture my rage towards the kind of mfs who talk about the 'chip on your shoulder' #or that woebegotten idea that we 'need to take a joke' etc

[skullsandwineglasses]

Life Lessons

The things you thought you wanted when you were 18 are very different from the things that you realize are important when you’re 24. 

1. Meet cutes

You fantasize about running into a stranger at a coffee shop, a book store, a library aisle, a grocery store lineup, etc and that you’ll click with them right away. You think “the one” is out there somewhere. But Ashley from bestdressed put it best: do you really think that out of the 7 or 8 billion or so people on the planet, you were born down the street or a city away from your soulmate? How is life going to be that convenient?

I thought college would be my Debut(TM), especially after a comfortable but uneventful time in high school. But college was quite anticlimactic. I was even less social if that was even possible. It’s hard to make friends when you’re not forced to sit next to the same people everyday. You instead meet people from afar who seem to be living, breathing real-life protagonists: beautiful, smart, witty, stylish, artsy, outspoken. I found myself trying to emulate them. I felt like I was falling behind in terms of who I should be in life. 

I tried to take control. If you don’t put yourself out there, how would meet cutes ever happen? So,

I go to coffee shops: but everyone’s too busy to look up from the work on their laptop screens to pay any attention to anyone else. 

I go to bookstores: but everyone’s too busy scanning the titles on the shelves to pay any attention to anyone else. 

I go to the library: see coffee shop.

I’m in the grocery store and someone asks me about the best coconut milk to use for curry: they get their answer and leave. 

I go to a jazz bar: again, everyone’s too busy listening to the band to pay any attention to anyone else.

I go to a swing dance social night: but everyone’s too busy trying to dance with as many different partners as possible in order to diversify their skills to linger any attention on anyone

You can’t say I didn’t try. 

Bonus:

Imagine you’re feeling bummed that you got assigned an aisle seat on the plane, only to approach your seat and see that a cute guy is sitting in the window seat next to yours. Could this be the meet cute you’ve been waiting for? You sit down. He says hi. You return the greeting a little too excitedly. You move to the fasten your seat belt. He speaks again: “So, my girlfriend has a window seat a couple rows back. I was wondering if you...”

Stunned, you pull the seat belt back and get up, gathering your stuff. “Oh yea, for sure, no bother at all. I wanted a window seat anyway.”

I kid you not. Cringe writes itself. It was like the opening of a bad romcom where the side character has one romantic failure after another. 

-> Moral of the story: Don’t expect to arrive at a place hoping that you’ll lock eyes with someone across the room. People go to places for the services that the place provides, and so they’ll be focused on their purpose for having gone to said place. Taylor Swift songs and YA novels did a wonderful job of misinforming me of how indifferent the social environment is like in public spaces. 

2. Exchanging phone numbers

So, maybe someone finally asks for your number. You part ways at the subway station. He promises to talk to you soon. But after 3 days, you wonder why he hasn’t texted you yet. You get a text from him Sunday morning asking you to meet for coffee that evening. You’re outside the cafe at 7:15, waiting. He texts you apologizing for being late because he was jogging around the lake and lost track of time. He says he’s on his way. You never hear from him again. 

-> Moral of the story: Even if you do ending up having a cute first encounter with someone at a subway station, it doesn’t mean things will work out. I’ve been ghosted like this 3 times. It’s gets harder trying to give men the benefit of the doubt each time.

I had thought that my self worth depended on how many strangers would approach me for my number. I thought that being liked was the only way to be validated. And while being asked for your number is flattering the first time, the illusion quickly shatters when you learn that the success of a relationship hinges on more than just the circumstance of the first meeting. 

3. Reading signs

You’re in line at the airport after returning from a conference trip, waiting to get through customs. You finally reach the customs officer who asks about the reason for your trip. 

“A conference,” you say.

“For?”

“Narrative. You know, like storytelling”

He hands you back your passport. “So are you an author?”

“Oh no, I just study the psychology of storytelling”

His face lights up. “Wow yes, storytelling is so important. It’s the foundation of civilization. That’s great”

“I’m glad you’re able to appreciate it. Not many people do when I tell them.”

“Well that’s because they don’t understand how important storytelling is to the basis of civilization. And for me too as someone who works in law enforcement.”

“Yes, for sure,” you say nodding. You look at the line behind you and start to move to leave.

“Well, it’s too bad we can’t talk more. Have a great day, miss”.

You walk towards the exit where the baggage claim is, and your head’s a blur. Was he...flirting? You’ve never met a stranger who was that interested in your research before, much less a border officer who was willing to stall the line just to ask you more about what you do. 

You begin to wonder if you should have left a card or a number so that you could talk later. You know, for research purposes. It’s always nice to make a friend outside your field who shares the same interests as you. But none of that matters now anyway because #ACAB. What’s done is done. But you still wonder about what his intentions were when he started that conversation. It’s too bad we can’t talk more. Yeah. A shame.

-> Moral of the story: Be more assertive. Offer a way to connect if you’re interested. Why do we keep reinforcing the idea that women can only be acted on and can’t act themselves?

4. To love or be loved

Like many young adults, I often question if my mother really understands what it means to be in love. She seems to like the idea of love, the idea of the perfect fateful meeting, but proudly says that she never fully gave her heart to anyone. She’s always warning that it’s better to receive love than to give it. That you end up at a disadvantage if you love first and love more. 

But I think I’d rather have the agency to make that choice than to be chosen. All throughout high school and in the media, we seem to glorify having someone choose us and love us unconditionally. But that’s unrealistic. There’s no such thing as unconditional, but I do hope to get as a close as possible to it. I want to love someone even if they might not love me back. I want to know how it feels like to put someone else first. Maybe this is just another teenage fantasy that has re-manifested itself in adulthood, but I want the freedom of stretching my feelings out than to feel the weight of that of someone else’s whom I can’t reciprocate. 

It also has to do with how much the alpha male is romanticized in our culture. I realize that I don’t want a domineering male version of my mother, who herself is controlling, obsessive, and possessive. I want a friend, not someone who thinks that I constantly need to be coddled and protected for my own good. 

It’s also a stupid expectation to have of real life men. If the men in my life are any indication, then they have goals and ambitions that they want to pursue. Everyone does. A relationship is a mutual support system. It’s not about how much as can take from someone. 

5. Choices

Some people say that you can fall in love with a city by falling in love in that city. 

TW: Sketchy interactions in ubers/taxis

I was grabbing coffee with a guy that I just met in a foreign city that I was visiting. It was approaching 9pm and he said that he had work the next morning, so we decided to call it a day. I was heading towards the subway station when he said that he called an uber and could drop me off at my hotel. Obviously, warning bells went off, but I was so worried about disappointing him, even though I knew that I wouldn’t see him again anyway after that evening. I just didn’t know how to say no. I reluctantly got in the car with him and instantly regretted it. He moved closer, but when he saw that I was uncomfortable, he moved away. Thankfully. We had an awkward conversation, and the driver dropped me off at my hotel after 10 minutes. I was lucky. I knew it. But looking back at the encounter now, I do wonder what would have happened if I had reciprocated the interest. I mean, I was definitely was curious at the time, but mostly because I was inexperienced and a little desperate to be completely honest. But, I knew that I didn’t want my first kiss or first whatever to be with a stranger who I knew I would never see again since I was leaving the next day. I knew about the emotional confusion that it would cause. I also wasn’t prepared to go as far as I thought he wanted to go, so I didn’t want to give him any wrong impressions and assumed that it was just easier to not show any interest at all. From time to time I still wonder about him and how he’s doing and whether I’ll ever run into him again if I’m back in the city. 

-> Moral of the story: Learn to say no and to stop worrying about whether you’ll offend someone because you want to keep yourself safe. I should have never gotten into that car, and my friends always remind me of that every time I tell them that story. I also acknowledge that some people might not always have that choice, and we should never victim blame. 

For me in that situation, I had a mix of different emotions. Curiosity, attraction, anxiety. My friend told me that I should have told him what I felt at the time and what my boundaries were instead of shutting off. But at the same time, he should have been vocal to me too and voiced what he was thinking, instead of just moving closer in the closed space of an uber. Sketchy af. 

6. Fate (is a lie)

I like to believe in the idea of fate and soulmates. My mother always tells me how I was the product of fate and so a part of me feels entitled to a little bit of that magic too. 

But I got my wake-up call when I walked into a dive bar one Friday night and could have sworn that I saw my first crush from middle school sitting at a table in the centre of the room with a group of his friends. 

We made eye contact, but it was too dark to know for sure. I walked past the table to the bar and asked for a table for one. I sat in the corner and watched him and his friends, curiously.

No one just walks into a dive bar and suddenly decides that the first person you see when you walk through the door is someone you once knew from middle school. I was almost sure that it was him. Was he? 

I was in a city an hour away from where we went to middle school. What are the odds. Was it fate? Was it a coincidence? After 12 years of having never seen this kid, I run into him in a dive bar I’ve never been to before in a city I only go visit maybe once every 2 months. 

Out of all the kids I went to middle school with, I had to run into my first crush? Seems like a joke. What kind of message was the universe trying to send?

In the end, I finished my sangria, and left. He never took one look back at me. And I walked out knowing that I’d never see him again. What seemed like an impossible coincidence just ended up mounting to nothing. 

That’s when I learned that coincidences are just coincidences. There’s nothing more to them unless you decide to make something out of them. 

Concluding remarks:

Maybe y’all are smarter and more perceptive than I am and already knew about these things when you turned 18. But these are lessons that took me 6 years to learn and then some. And even at 24 and having a couple of serendipitous experiences under my belt, I’m still no closer to being the confident, mature, and level-headed adult that I think I should be. I still feel 18 with the unrealistic expectations and mentality embodied by someone that age. Hell, to be honest I’m not entirely sure I remember when it feels like to be an 18 year old anymore. I just feel like an inadequate 24 year old. I shouldn’t be insulting 18 year olds like this. 

#relationships #relationship advice #confessions #spilled ink #life advice #life lessons #girl talk #romance #growing up #adulthood #coming of age #tmi #truth #love #self love #feminism #feminist #infj #solo travel #female solo traveler #teenager post #rant #experience #flirting #story time #personal #college #uni #grad life #meet cute