Tumgik
#you were sad and depressed and I thought I could fix you or be your friend and be your lover
catch1ngmoths · 2 days
Note
BRO I LOVE YOUR WRITING OML ESPECIALLY WITH JOOST ?! MHSKYTJSSYJ
Anywho im allergic to happiness rn so could you write a joost x reader (gn if possible, if you don’t do gn do whatever your comfortable doing idm:3) with like reader admitting that they’ve been struggling (like with depression, suicidal thoughts etc etc)
If you’re uncomfortable with any of this feel free to ignore!! Have an amazing day/night AND GET SOME SLEEP(•̀ᴗ•́)و
࣪˖ ཐིཋྀ SOBER TO DEATH ࣪˖ ཐིཋྀ
Tumblr media
𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ “take your hands off your neck and hold onto the ghost of my body…” - car seat headrest 𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋
Summary: you’ve been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. You’re struggling with a pretty bad mental episode just as your boyfriend Joost comes home…
Note: I love you all omfg, the support is insane! I absolutely love writing and reading angst so I get you annon 🙏🏻. PART TWO OF, “Only stay with you one more night” WILL BE OUT TOMORROW!!
Warnings: mentions of depression, suicidal thoughts, bad mental episode + comfort
⋅˚₊‧ ଳ ‧₊˚ ⋅ ⋅˚₊‧ ଳ ‧₊˚ ⋅ ⋅˚₊‧ ଳ ‧₊˚ ⋅ ⋅˚₊‧ ଳ ‧₊˚ ⋅ ⋅˚₊‧ ଳ ‧₊˚ ⋅
You’ve been going through it, really going through it. You had no energy to do anything anymore. No energy to get outta bed, brush your teeth, or even eat. You felt utterly and completely worthless every single day of your life.
The thoughts of getting rid of all the pain and suffering your mind made you go through on a daily basis plagued your mind. The only reason you’d haven’t gone through with your plethora of ideas to end it all was your boyfriend, Joost.
He was the most important person in your life and the best guy you’d ever met. He always helped your mood; anytime he smiles, you smile. Anytime he laughs, you laugh. Anytime he’s happy, you’re happy. But he wasn’t around, not here to talk to you and hold you in his arms.
He was on tour and had been for the past few weeks, you’d realized how bad it’s been without the comfort and just presence of Joost. Don’t get me wrong, every day he was away from you he felt even more annoyed and irritated with everyone around him. Not his fans of course, while performing that was the little peace he got in the day. He just wanted to hold you, he craved it. Just the sight of you made his nerves calm immediately.
You both were like a cure to each others bad moods (THE CURE MENTIONED??!!), fixing each others problems by just being near each other. But your mental health has been the worst it’s ever been these few weeks. You don’t remember the last time you ate and especially drank water. You haven’t left your bed even, falling into deep thoughts of harming yourself that would worry anyone.
The good news is Joost was coming back today, he was practically rushing to get back home to you. FaceTime calls and texting just wasn’t doing it for him, he needed to hold and kiss you. You on the other hand totally forgot Joost was coming home, you’d lost track of time a while ago.
It was around 6pm when you heard the familiar sound of keys opening the front door of your apartment. Your eyes widen, is he home?? Is it really him..?! Before you can get outta your bed a figure comes running towards you with a wide smile, jumping on you and pulling you against them.
You feel yourself smile for the first time in weeks, breathing in the familiar smell of Joosts cologne. He grabs your cheeks and presses kisses all over your face, “missed you so so much baby” he says, his accent bringing the much needed comfort you craved.
He pulls away, looks at you and can immediately tell something’s wrong. He scans your face with narrowing eyes. You looked skinnier and had dark circles around your eyes, even still looking beautiful as ever but he knew you weren’t okay. He doesn’t need to elaborate or even explain, he just says, “what’s been going on in that pretty little head of yours hmm.?”
You sigh, he always knew when something was wrong. He would never let it go unanswered or ignored, “I’ve been getting worse without you here..” you say with a sad sigh, you could always be open and honest with him both of you knew that.
“Talk to me mijn lieve schatje” he says, rubbing your back comfortingly. You pour you heart out, you tell him all about your suicidal thoughts. You tell him about how you haven’t eaten or drinking anything in god knows how long. Your body felt so weak, it took a lot out of you to even raise your arm. You explain how depressed you’ve been, feeling like the most miserable person ever.
He gives you his full and undivided attention, keeping eye contact even when you looked away he stares at you with the most intense eyes that were filled with love and nothing but utter care and worry for your wellbeing. Once you’re done he immediately begins, “well first of all, I’m gonna make you something to eat and drink.”
He says picking you up and carrying you to the kitchen, placing you on the countertop and making you food. Not before handing you a water bottle and making sure you drink all of it. Once your fead, he brings you to the bathroom. You both shower together, he washes your hair and body affectionately while he presses kisses wherever he could.
Once you were both back in bed and ready to sleep he speaks once more right before you were about to fall asleep. “You’re coming on tour with me for now on, I don’t think I can spend that long without you again.” Is the last thing you hear before long kisses are pressed to your eyelids before you’re consumed by darkness….
234 notes · View notes
inbetweencreature · 10 months
Text
can’t believe I’ve been in love with you for going on 4 years now. I can’t believe the past four years how tumultuous it’s been. I remember before I met you I once said I was perpetually heartbroken. honestly, it still rings true.
1 note · View note
signedmio · 3 months
Note
hi, I hope you’re having a good day, I’d love to leave a request for Hazbin Hotel.
Could I request Alastor, Angel Dust, Lucifer, Vox and Lucifer (feel free not to do them all if they’re too many) and how they would react when their s/o finds them crying and comforts them and gives them a hug? I’d love some reverse comfort for them they’re my favs, also gn reader pls!
hello!! i’m having a good day, i hope you are as well!! this was a very interesting concept to think about, especially for alastor haha, it may be a bit out of character but i tried my best lol
Warnings: Potentially OOC Alastor, S1 Finale Spoilers, Swear Words, Mentions of Valentino, Mentions of Physical Abuse, Mentions of Injury (Scars, Bruises, Blood, Ect), Mentions of Depression, Mentions of Sex (No Smut)
Alastor, Angel Dust, Lucifer, Vox x Reader (Reverse Comfort)
Tumblr media
Alastor
Alastor wasn’t one to express much emotion - other than his signature smile, let alone cry, but you caught him - even if it was barely
He felt like he was on the edge of pure insanity and psychotic, and he, the almighty Radio Demon, would’ve never expected something so little to give him his final push
After the fight between Adam and Alastor, he had lost his cane, his cane gave him almost every ounce of power and control his soul had gained since entering Hell, and he was going insane without it
You watched Alastor silently drift away from the crowded hotel lobby after Lucifer made some petty comment about losing his staff.
Despite that small part of you trying to convince you against it, you followed him.
You trickled behind him slowly to his room, all the way on the other side of the hotel.
He left his door open a crack, and you opened it slightly and stood in the doorway, and there he was.
Alastor’s usually neat and tidy hotel room was now a disaster with blueprints on the floor, you took a glance at them, some looking relatively old and some looked quite fresh, they were sketches and plans for a new staff - although you knew Alastor no longer had the magic the make it.
You hid as he came into your view, he was pacing the room, a very strained smile present on his face as tears pricked in his eyes, as he ran his fingers through his hair, tossing around blueprints and plans and other papers that seemed to be plans for a new staff, searching for a solution to his despair.
Slowly, you approached Alastor, patting him on the back softly before retracting your hand, remembering he doesn’t like to be touched.
He shook his head and sighed, the same drained smile was still present on his face, he looked down at you, and you never noticed the bags under his eyes until now… I mean, you knew he wasn’t one to typically sleep, but he never had bags before…
“I’m sorry, my dear.” He said, fixing his posture, and straightening up his suit. “One might say I’m a bit distraught at the moment. What is it you need?”
“Well.. uh, Al, you looked a bit sad recently, especially after what Lucifer said about your cane, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” You said, providing a bashful smile, at the fact that you’d be caught snooping.
“Ah, well, how awfully kind of you, my little doe. Just know, that I’m doing quite alright-” Before Alastor could finish his sentence you engulfed him in a hug, he paused for a moment, before slowly wrapping his arms around the small of your back.
His face was in the crook of your neck, as he sighed, you couldn’t see his face, but you could feel him give a soft smile onto your neck, not a grin, but a smile.
Tumblr media
Angel Dust
You knew Angel’s job at the studio was far from easy, and shifts could last several hours at a time, but now? You were starting to worry…
He hadn’t been home in nearly two days. And it was starting to freak you out.
You sat in Angel’s bed in the hotel, snuggled next to Fat Nuggets, he let out a small snort as you cradled him in your arms. “I miss him too, baby.” You muttered, kissing his forehead, tearing up at the thought of all possibilities of what could’ve happened to him.
“Papa will be back home soon.” You nearly whispered, your voice cracking softly, you just wanted to see your boyfriend. The movie that was on in the background began to fade away as you fell to sleep.
You woke up again at about 1am from a slam of the bathroom door that was connected to Angel’s room. You blinked your eyes a few times, groggily, not entirely aware of what was going on until you heard sobbing coming from the bathroom.
You rushed the warm, pink comforter off of you, leaving Fat Nuggets on the bed asleep, urgently swinging open the bathroom door, finding Angel wailing, clinging onto the sink, halfway on the floor.
His shirt was off, and a few bruises and scars were visible. He let go of the sink, and slid down the floor, cradling his body.
“Handsome, shit..” You murmured, kneeling down to his level, you put a comforting hand on his knee. “Baby, look at me.”
You requested softly, now using your hand to comb through Angel’s hair, when you didn’t get a response, you used your free hand to tilt his face up to you, and the sight broke you.
His eyes stared into yours, afraid and hurt, there was smeared eyeliner under his eyes that traveled a bit down his face, there was blood coming from his mouth.
You felt tears prick in your eyes, you hated seeing him like this, “My love, can I hold you?”
Angel nodded as his body fell into your arms, you rocked him slowly, shushing his sobs, turning them into a small sniffles.
You pulled away from him to look at him, you wiped the smudged makeup off his face with your thumb, and looked at him. “Wanna talk about it, Angie?”
“You already know the deal by now, it’s just Val..” He said, wiping his eyes, hiccuping before continuing, “I had a rough week, and I wasn’t off-script, and he just said to improv it, and I just fucked it up.. and he, well..” He gestured to the bruises and scars on his body, referencing what happened, giving a dry chuckle, you tensed above him.
“Baby.” You started, cupping his cheeks, pulling him to look at you, “I don’t know how yet, but I will fucking get you out of this, I don’t care who or what I have to go through, but I will fucking get you out of this. No one gets to hurt you and expect to get away with it.” You vowed, as your foreheads connected,
“Sugar, there’s no way out.” Angel murmured. “He’ll find me..” He said barely above a whisper, his voice cracking in fear, your heart ached for him.
“I’ll figure it out, handsome.” You said, pecking his forehead, “Let’s get you cleaned up, okay?”
Tumblr media
Lucifer
You’ve known since before you even started dating that Lucifer had depression, and you knew it hit hard, but you had never really been around to experience that before.
Whenever you could, you always tried to help him out with it, which was a bit hard since he had a tendency to brush it off a lot
It wasn’t until you came home to Luci having a depressive episode where you really got a grip on his depression
You came back to you and Lucifer’s shared home, you had just gotten out of work, and Lucifer was supposed to be at a meeting, key word, supposed to.
As you walked down the hall you heard sniffles coming from your shared bedroom.
You opened the door, it let out a small creak, and you noticed Lucifer curled up on the end of the bed.
There were tissues scattered on the floor on his side of the bed and on his night stand, his clothes that he would’ve worn to his meeting were in a messy pile on the floor, he was in boxers and no shirt, his hair messy, as he sniffled into the pillows, curled up in a thin but fuzzy duck blanket.
“Sweetie, what happened?” You asked sweetly, sitting down next to him at the edge of the bed, rubbing his scalp.
“I-I was gonna go to my m-meeting today, but when I went to get out of bed everything it just felt like I couldn’t do it.. and I started spiraling and I called Charlie and told her to go instead..” Luci explained through sniffles, clutching the blanket closer to his chest.
“Aww, darling.” You cooed lovingly, caressing his cheek, “How about this; I go run a nice, hot bath for the two of us, and then we can cuddle and take a nap, and then try to clean everything up. You can even bring in a few ducks if you want.” Lucifer perked up at your offer, nodding eagerly.
“Okay.” You smiled, chuckling softly, “Just keep your pretty little self here while I go run the water.” You said, getting up to leave, but you turned around as you got to the doorway. “Bubbles or no bubbles?” You asked with a knowing smile.
“…Bubbles, please.”
Tumblr media
Velvette had sent you off to go check on Vox, normally he comes out of his security room to check on either her or Valentino, or you, and surprisingly he hadn’t today
You worked for the Vee’s but you were also friends, you were important enough to be basically considered an honorary Vee member, but you were unimportant enough to be cut from big social events and have a fair amount of work dumped on you last minute — And you were an assistant (as well as partner) to Vox
You knocked on the door to Vox’s office room, when no response came from the other side you slowly opened the door, and you saw a very stressed Vox.
His screen was in his hands, letting out small sniffles, but he would glitch here and there as the watery tears shocked his chords.
“Baby, you good?” You asked, standing behind him.
He whipped around, scrambling to wipe away any remaining tears, “Oh- Uh- Yeah- I’m fine.” He muttered, turning back around.
“Were you crying?” You asked, hesitantly, you’d never seen him cry before, other than sex, you both had only been together a few months.
“What? No! I don’t do that shit.” He scoffed, it was clear he was getting defensive, he didn’t like to be caught like this, but he’d rather it be you than someone else.
“Vox…” You pushed, maybe you shouldn’t have, but you did anyway. “Fine. Rough day, okay? Work is stressful as fuck.”
You wrapped your arms around his neck from behind, “Do you wanna lay down? Maybe take a nap? And you come back in an hour or two?” You suggested softly, Vox could be stubborn as hell at times, and you weren’t trying to push your luck.
Vox hesitates momentarily, before muttering a small, “I guess…”
732 notes · View notes
shiny-jr · 9 months
Text
from IGNIHYDE
- Warning: Yes, this is still a yandere thing. You have been warned. Gender-neutral reader.
- Characters: Idia Shroud, Ortho Shroud.
- Summary: (Continuation, after this “we just got a letter, wonder where it’s from”) You have barred them from entering the safety of Ramshackle Dorm, but they are determined to make their words reach you. Which is why the letters begin arriving at your doorstep.
- Note: This seems a little more low-key than Diasomnia, but the obsession is there if you squint. It’s just way more low-key than the previous group. For some reason I feel like I maybe wrote Ortho a little off? Not sure. Feel free to tell me your thoughts.
Diasomnia   |   Ignihyde   |   Pomefiore
Tumblr media
The break ends quickly. Too quickly. Before you know it, you’re back in front of the mountain of unread letters that appears even more ominous than before now that you could guess what sort of dark contents they may hold. 
For your own peace of mind, you’ve decided to read only two and then take a pause right after. 
The first of which was just a simple long white envelope. That’s it. There was nothing that stood out about it, no special seal or stamp. It was just the generic type of encasing that made it look like it was some sort of bill instead of a letter containing what was bound to be a message that unsettled you in some way, shape, or form. 
When you removed the letter, you was surprised to see that it wasn’t handwritten, it had been typed and printed out. It didn’t take a genius to figure out who this was from. 
Player, 
I messed everything up.
I don’t even see a point to doing this, writing this for you. I mean, if I were you, I’d never want to see my no-good miserable face ever again. I’d go to every length just to avoid even speaking to me again, and to spite them I’d never even show myself around again. But–– Ortho was making a letter and brought my keyboard to my lap. He said it was worth a shot, and if anything, it could be used as an apology so... sorry.
Any sorry would sound half-assed, considering what happened. It’s not like it matters, since I’m sure you wouldn’t read this. I imagine you would figure out it’s from me, and proceed to tear it up, burn it, whatever. And honestly? Valid. At this point, I’m sort of using it as a vent. Usually, I’d be telling Ortho all this, but all these thoughts I’m having would only bum him out and he’s depressed enough as it is. 
You know what sucks besides all of this? The fact that I genuinely tried. I actually tried to be a help for once, and like it always ends, my attempt to help screwed it up even more. Maybe if I had kept my mouth shut and minded my own business while holing myself up in my room like I always do, things wouldn’t have turned out this bad. If I just did what I was good at, which is nothing, Ortho and I might’ve avoided the shitstorm. Everyone else is currently throwing pity parties and plotting these super over elaborate schemes to try and interact with you by luring you out of the Ramshackle place. 
Ortho’s been coming up with plans too with other guys from the dorms that are just so desperate for your attention. It’s sad to watch, pathetic too, but I don’t have the heart to tell him not to bother with it. And me, I know better. If I were in your position and I saw all these attempts, it would definitely make me extra bitter and just hate everyone even more. Oh, I just remembered something worth mentioning. You may not believe me, I mean, I wouldn’t believe a single word coming from me, but I wasn’t actually going to hurt Grim. You though? Before I knew who you were? Yeah. Don’t get it twisted though, I was just doing it to fix everything until the whole truth got leaked not too long after.
Call me stupid, I guess. When I first saw how others revered you like how a bunch of creepy basement-dwellers look at a pretty perfect idol on a shiny bright stage, it was a major red flag. I wanted nothing to do with you. But when you started worming yourself into my life and I started getting attached, well, that made me a creep too for liking you. Red flags be damned. What can I say? Your presence even through Yuu, made me feel like I mattered, which is something I don’t experience a lot. 
You’d never know it, but I took risks just to be in the same room as your avatar. 
Missing special events on games, losing the chance to catch a concert live on screen, even ditching group calls with teammates and friends... All of that was utterly worthless if I got at least a solid sixty seconds by you. 
Unlike everyone else, I know better than to just show up at your doorstep and beg for forgiveness like some misguided puppy. Malleus and co. have been making sure you’re not disturbed, guarding you like a pack of guard dogs or something, preventing anyone from embarrassing themselves and messing up any further. Ortho said I should at least try to call you, I think he just wants to hear your voice. But why bother? 
Don’t get it wrong, I’m not just letting everything go just like that. As much as I’d like to, and I know it’s probably the “healthy” and “good” thing to do, I don’t want to. I’m not good, you know that already. I’ll keep in the background this time, and try not to mess up again. Although no guarantees, because with my lousy luck, I know something will inevitably go wrong. Don’t worry, I won’t bother you. I wouldn’t want to make the mental image you have of me in your mind even worse, if its even remotely possible for it to somehow get worse. I just can’t let go. Even if you looked at me like trash, avoided me like the plague, or straight up tell me ‘I hate you’ to my face, I still won’t let go. 
And, well, all I can really think of right now besides you, is Ortho. Even if I can’t show my disgraced presence to you anymore, I still hope you’ll see Ortho. At least if Ortho could explain to you that he was acting on my plan, he might get lucky and be next to you again. Maybe. Hard maybe. 
But me? No, I don’t ever deserve to be anywhere near you anymore. For now, I’ll go back to how things were way back... when your vessel hadn’t yet had the misfortune of meeting me and I just watched your every move from monitors like some sort of loser schmuck. 
I think I’ll just imagine how things would be if I hadn’t doomed all my chances. If I had a chance... maybe I would’ve actually worked up the gall to sit next to you, or even look at you, or, hell, talk to you. At least, I’ll always remember when you used your avatar to look at me and it didn’t feel bad... like, almost like you didn’t see me as some lame nobody. That must’ve been my mind just playing tricks on me though, right? There’s no way that happened... 
Enough of this mushy stuff though. I’m sick of it. 
Just throw this in the fire without a second glance. 
Idia Shroud 
In order to get this over as quickly as possible, you decided to continue without taking a breather. The quicker you finished reading them, the better, that way, you wouldn’t even give your mind any time to fully process what you were reading before overwhelming your vision with more lines and lines of words until they became blurred together. 
You wouldn’t stop, because if you stopped, that would be allowing your mind the opportunity to spiral out of control. You needed a distraction. 
This wasn’t exactly the good type of distraction either, it was more like adding gasoline to the fire, but part of you had to know what they would say. No matter what feelings you held, the curiosity outweighed it. 
The second letter is identical to the first, a simple long white envelope with no particularly interesting details about it other than the fact that it had zero stains and no wrinkles on it. It was pristine and clean, not even a drop of ink on it. The insides of the envelope itself were blue, with small white lines on it, but upon closer inspection it became obvious that they weren’t just stripes, they were skull symbols so tiny that it was hardly noticeable. 
Of course, as you expected, the letter inside was not handwritten. It was folded so precisely into thirds, and unfolding it displayed the typed and printed words neatly stacked in indented paragraphs. 
Greetings, Player, 
First, I want to apologize sincerely. 
Secondly, I want to tell you how much I have missed you, and my brother has missed you as well! I don’t believe I can fully comprehend how you are felling at the current moment, and I cannot even accurately guess to what emotions you are experiencing. In my attempt to alleviate the situation, I’ve been running millions of simulations of possible alternative futures in order to take the best route where things might return to a semblance of normalcy. 
Well, a new normal, now that you’re here! However... when each simulation yields a result, I can’t help but feel as if something is wrong. That’s when I realized there was a key component that was off. It was you, or rather, Yuu. We know of Yuu and their mannerisms and opinions, but that isn’t really you. Yuu is a vessel, and extension, that’s partially based off yourself. 
So none of us know the true you. At least, not yet! I’m hoping to change that. Just when I think I’m beginning to understand you, things like this happen. But, that’s what makes you so exciting! There’s always some unforeseen detail and amazing new aspect of yourself to learn about. Once I get a proper grasp on what you’re truly like, I can use that new knowledge to make you happy, just as you made me and my brother always smile!  But also, I want to use it to make it up to you. Honestly, I’m scared that you’ll hate me. In the simulations I ran that gave inaccurate results due to those missing components, nearly all the results had a bad ending... 
I don’t want that. I want to have a ‘normal’ way with you and Idia! A good normal! Like where we might all have movie nights in the Ignihyde dorm with freshly popped popcorn and candies as snacks, or study days when we read over notes and help each other out, maybe you might even be able to convince Idia to leave his room so we can all share lunch in the cafeteria like a group of friends would typically do! That’s what I want! I don’t think I could stand knowing I made you cry or was the cause of your pain. I never hurt you, right? At least not physically. 
Believe me, I had made attempts to meet you. But those in Diasomnia won’t allow it. I was tempted to charge up the technomantic beam installed within my form, but realizing it wasn’t necessary, I didn’t. Idia was right when he didn’t make an effort to even join me, and Malleus Draconia with his own have realized it too. You aren’t ready yet. Even if I’m more than prepared to see you, I can’t rush you. So, I left this letter in their hands, hoping it reached you. If not, there’s no worries. I’ve prepared a dozen more printed copies and if that fails, I’ve created a digital copy! 
Since I couldn’t tell you in person, I’ll tell you through paper... 
I’d like to invite you to formally meet me. I’m even prepared to surprise Idia with this! That’ll cheer him up for sure. You always made him happy, so us properly meeting you would be a dream come true for us both! 
If you’d like to do something upon meeting us, I’ve organized multiple activities for us to participate in. The other first years have reached out and expressed their own desires to make up for the mistakes they made. So, I met with them a few days ago to make plans you might enjoy! These plans are still in the preparation phase, so I can’t reveal them quite yet, but soon I will! 
Anyways, I just wanted to make you aware of this. And I want to say ‘I’m sorry’ even though it feels minuscule to what I’m only guessing must be the strong emotions you feel toward what occurred. But I wanted to let you know that I always want to be your friend, and I always will be, even if you don’t really like me anymore. Friends are supposed to be there for each other, right? So I’ll be there for you now. Remember, I’m a high-tech being, I can be of great use to you if you want! Even if you’d rather just use me as a tool, I would be happy. If you want someone obliterated to ashes or are just looking to answers as to what the weather might be, I would gladly help you with that and so much more! 
And it’s not only me that could be useful to you, my brother can too! Although he probably won’t say it, he depends on you a lot. You’re like a battery to him, you give him the energy he needs. If you’d let him, let us both, we’d be there for you in a zeptosecond! 
There’s one thing I know for certain. You’re the common variable needed for our happiness, no matter the scenario or result, you are a requirement. And I’m certain we can bring you happiness as well. Myself, my brother, and everyone that treasures you, can bring you joy if you allow it. All I want is to see you happy, and everyone else happy as well. So will you please at least consider seeing us again? Soon? Please? 
Hoping to see you soon. 
From your friend, 
Ortho Shroud  
1K notes · View notes
eamour · 3 months
Text
emotions do not matter.
! this post was highly inspired by former loa blogger aphrodite apprentice !
emotions and feelings, the way neville coins these words, are of different nature. when speaking of emotions, we are speaking of unconscious emotional experiences. feelings, however, are a conscious act and usually a reaction to our emotions — which, according to neville, are the secret to help us manifest.
emotions vs feelings.
an emotion is an immediate reaction to your emotional state of mind, whereas a feeling remains a lot longer and is felt for a longer period of time. emotions could be joy, fear, anger, lust or sadness. the counterparts in feelings would then be happiness, anxiety, bitterness, love or depression. if something unpleasant happens in your life, you will react to it emotionally first. only later, you will be able to form a feeling. as you can see, an emotion is a lot more intense and often manifests in a physical reaction (ex. facial expressions), not based on any reasoning while in contrast your feeling is based on logical reasoning. you could say a feeling is a way of explaining an emotion with thoughts which you have felt due to external experiences. this also means that not every feeling will always be accurate enough to explain an emotion and how you actually feel emotionally.
emotions cannot manifest ...
once again, a feeling isn’t the emotion itself. your feeling has nothing to do with our emotional state of mind but rather your mental state of mind. that means that your feelings, longterm, are more concerned with what you feel to be true or false, right or wrong and real or unreal.
mental · relates to the mind; thinking process.
emotional · relates to emotions; feeling process.
... only feelings can.
especially because a feeling does not necessarily have to correlate to an emotion, it is entirely up to you to define your feeling. you could replace feeling with what you accept, know or believe to be true. it's a thought. and an emotion isn't. you may not help the way you emotionally feel — and you shouldn’t! you should never suppress an emotion and feel sad, angry, etc. — but you can make the conscious decision to define your feeling. and since a feeling is a state, after all, you can manifest anything you'd like while feeling like you are at your lowest (or highest). your emotions will not manifest!
emotions arise.
as i was saying, an emotion is a pretty much sudden response. you may lose something and feel bad about it, maybe you had a fight with your friend or perhaps you were told some unsettling news. whatever it is, you will always feel some intense type of way from time to time.
emotions fade away.
the thing is, emotions come and go. you may feel super joyful one minute and then feel super sad the next. that’s totally normal, and we are definitely not trying to fix our wonderful human nature in any way.
emotional responses.
emotions are a response. when manifesting, when changing your feeling, you might also experience emotions of some sort. you may feel euphoric of manifesting something that has always felt very prestigious or hardly available to you.
but the same way, you could not feel anything at all. some manifestations aren’t going to move you the way some manifestations do, but that’s not an issue! the premise is, you don’t HAVE to feel excited. you don’t have to jump out of happiness whenever you think about how you manifested to find your keys you had lost the other day. remember, emotions come naturally. you don’t have to force them.
accepting and persisting.
the only thing you really have to do is to accept your desire as yours and persist in that assumption. feel it to be true, to be real, to be factual. that’s what feeling the wish fulfilled means. the feeling of your assumption to be realty.
with love, ella.
413 notes · View notes
emeritusemeritus · 3 months
Text
I didn’t want to be alone [Eddie Munson X Reader]
Tumblr media
Title: I didn’t want to be alone.
Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader {Established friendship but deliberately vague, can be romantic or not}. Platonic!Wayne Munson&Reader.
Timeline: Non-specified. There’s a brief mention of ‘trauma’ that I’d originally written as events from ST 1-3 but it could be anything. Insert your troubles here.
Summary: When things in your mind get bad, you know you always have a place to go.
Warnings: Brief mentions of trauma, illusions of mental illness. Sadness/ depression. This is a comfort fic. Wayne looks after us. Wayne Munson being the father figure we all need.
Word count: 3.4k
This is a complete comfort fic that I wrote to try and make myself feel better, a concept I came up with to try and get to sleep one night. My toddler isn’t sleeping, I haven’t slept properly for days and I’m losing my mind- keep me in your thoughts as I drown in coffee.
Tumblr media
The last thing Wayne Munson expected to see when he pulled up to his trailer at 4am after his monthly half shift was your car; he especially didn't expect to see you sat stationary within the car, staring blankly up towards the dark trailer home. He frowns as he cuts the engine to his beat up truck, grabs his trusty brown thermos and metal lunchbox before he climbs out of the truck. When his eyes fix on you again, he sees that you haven't moved even an inch, not even acknowledging his approach. Your chin rests on your arm slung over the wheel, body slumped down in your seat with a vacant expression on your face, eyes heavy and pained. He can tell immediately that something isn't right with you, your body language completely thrown off as you stare into the void, unaware of everything around you.
He'd seen you look like this only once before, but Eddie had mentioned in passing that you'd had 'episodes' one or two times before, something about trauma, something that had haunted you from a few years back. Wayne was a simple man and didn't pretend to know what any of that meant, nor would he intrude and ask you about it when you so clearly didn't want to open up about what was plaguing you. He figured better people with bigger brains than he would be the only people that could understand what you were going through, but he'd try his best to help you where he could.
Wayne knows better than to make you jump in your impaired state and so he tried to delicately walk over to your car, putting himself directly in your eye line so that you wouldn't be alarmed once you realised he was there. It takes a minute or so for your eyes to focus on him, flicking over at the slow movement in your peripheral vision. Your shock at seeing him makes his eyes pull tight together in a squint, fighting the urge to frown at your unusual behaviour. 
He walks over to your car door and finally takes in your appearance, the crease lines in his face getting deeper as he frowns once again, seeing that you are in no way dressed appropriately for the bitter cold, wearing only a pair of lounge shorts and an oversized band shirt that he instantly recognises as his nephew's.
You wind the window down as Wayne leans in, careful to be gentle with you as he sees the glassy, pained look still overwhelming your face, even after you'd broken out of your trance.
"What're you doing here girl? Got your key don't ya?" He says, trying his hardest to keep his tone balanced and his voice gentle; not an easy feat for a self proclaimed gruff, southern born hick like Wayne.
Wayne cringes as he feels the low temperature inside your car, the cold drifting out from your rolled down window. Somehow the inside of your car was even colder than the crisp, early morning air outside. Only then did Wayne remember you complaining that the heat and the ac in your car had busted a couple of weeks ago, but you couldn't afford to get it fixed right away on account of your 'full time student and part time waitress' salary.
You stare at him for a lingering moment, not even making a single attempt to reply as you usually would, the only sign that you had heard him at all was a subtle twitch of your eye. You eventually turn to look away, averting your gaze from his concerned eyes to stare back towards the trailer which was pitch black inside with no sign of life.
"I didn't know what to do," you said quietly, your voice timid and weak as you fought to push out your thoughts. "I remembered what you said about coming over anytime I needed to not be alone, but then I remembered the date and that Eddie was away at his gig. Then I remembered you said that Eddie didn't even have to be here, when you gave me the spare key. I got in my car and drove here but then I got stuck, not able to go inside because I'd be a burden but I couldn't leave either."
Wayne was quiet at he listened intently to you, giving you the time you needed to explain, knowing how hard it must be for you to speak your thoughts out loud. He silently nods gently, knowing at least partially what you were feeling as he acknowledges your troubles. He thinks it strange how often you said 'remembered' in the sentence, knowing that your words sounded uncharacteristic but he assumes that it is just you voicing your thoughts as they appeared in your head.  His heart breaks a little at hearing your sad words, knowing that you must have felt real bad to have jumped in your car and drove all the way out here without thought of a jacket.
"Let's get you inside, 'fore ya catch a damn cold," he says gently, wanting to get you into the warmth as he sees goose flesh spreading across your skin and the unmistakable bounce of your leg from your body fighting the cold. He expects to be met with more resistance than you offer as you simply nod and reach for the keys that are still in the ignition. He opens the door for you, juggling his belongings in his arms as he leads you up the concrete steps to the trailer and unlocks the door, offering a tiny smile of empathy at you as he steps aside, allowing you to enter first.
As you step in, you're immediately met with stagnant warm air from the trailer being shut up all day, retaining the last slithers of heat emitted by the old space heater Wayne must have had on before he went to work. The trailer smells like home to you and immediately offers a level of comfort that you could never get anywhere else. There's a lingering smell of cigarette smoke which hangs thick in the air, mixed with a hint of Eddie's cheap cologne and old spice, old coffee and the overwhelming scent of both Eddie and Wayne, their warm natural scents mixing to create the personalised blend of the Munson trailer.
You tentatively take a seat on the couch once offered by Wayne, who immediately sets to turning on a few lamps before boiling some water for a warm drink for you both, throwing down his lunchbox and thermos on the counter in the process. He grabs two mugs from the cabinet, but immediately changes his mind as he thinks of way to cheer you up. He walks past you to reach for one of his many display mugs, grabbing your favourite of the bunch and rinses it in the sink before setting the two mugs aside to make a drink. He begins to pull out the coffee but stops himself, knowing that the last thing you need is a blast of caffeine in your system and so he reached for the small box of tea that he kept in just for you, pulling out your preferred flavour as he makes the drinks.
He takes a look at you as he waits for the water to boil, finally seeing you in the light that he'd turned on as you entered. Your eyes look dark and sunken, dark purple circles formed underneath your once sparkly eyes, telling him that you hadn't slept a wink.  Your hair was haphazardly thrown up into a messy bun, faint smudges of mascara were present under your eyes and overall you looked thoroughly exhausted.
When he walks over to you, he's delicate with his approach, offering the tea out to you with a gentle smile. He notices your eyes widening slightly once you spot the special mug and a small smile tugs at your lips which he's thankful for as it means your coming out of your dark place. You mumble a thank you as you cradle the warm Star Wars mug in your hands, the heat rolling through your cold and shivering body.
"You wanna talk about it?" He says quietly, taking a seat and bringing his own mug to his lips. He sees a frown form on your eyebrows before your eyes close and you shake your head no at his suggestion. He simply nods, respecting your decision and giving you the grace of not asking any follow up questions.
"I'm sorry," your little voice says after a few silent moments.
"Don't ever be sorry, you did the right thing by coming here darlin," Wayne replies sweetly, to which you reply with a kind and grateful smile. "You're welcome here night or day."
Neither of you speaks for a moment, though it's a comfortable shared silence rather than an awkward interlude.
"So how come you ain't with Eddie at his gig?" Wayne asks a few moments later, taking another sip of his coffee. Your eyes flash with angst again and he suddenly regrets asking as your face drops slightly, not realising that his question could trigger you.
"I had an exam, couldn't get out of it," you shrugged gently, not managing to lift your eyes up from their fixed point upon your mug, watching the steam rise from the hot tea inside.
"You do okay?" Wayne asks, feeling a little awkward at asking. Eddie had always been a handful, especially when it came to doing his homework and anything academic, and Wayne's questioning of how projects went or finals or whatever else had fallen on deaf ears many years ago.
You nodded gently in reply, a little apprehensive maybe, "yeah I think so, it was only after when things started to go bad."
Wayne knew immediately that you were referring to your episode earlier, and his heart ached more for the girl in front of him who seemed so broken down, the girl he had grown to care for like a daughter. You fell quiet again, staring into space looking so exhausted you could drop down where you sat.
"Tell ya what, why don't ya go lay down in Eddie's room for a while, take your tea with yer," Wayne suggests, leaning forward slightly as he talked, not quiet reaching out to you but feeling a little closer to do so. "I'll make us some grub once you wake up."
You immediately begin to weakly protest, already feeling like a burden but Wayne shuts it down quickly. "Ain't no different then having Eddie here, 'cept you got a better sense of hygiene and noise control," he joked, earning a chuckle from you. "I'll be right through here if you need anything, ain't sleeping yet and I ain't going anywhere." His voice was still gentle but his words held a level of insistence which meant you couldn't question him, knowing he was being entirely honest.
"Uncle Wayne, thank you," you smiled gently, standing up off the couch and making your way through to the familiar back room, carrying your mug, before closing the door.
Stepping into Eddie's room without him here felt a little odd, but the sight of the room alone was enough to comfort you even more. Cigarette smell lingered here too, mixed with the faint whiff of marijuana, Eddie's cheap cologne and a general boy smell which wasn't entirely unpleasant. His guitar, sweetheart, was missing off the wall, along with two of the three amps that were usually littered around on the limited floor space.
You placed your mug on the nightstand, beside the ashtray, and didn't hesitate to throw yourself down onto the bed, pulling the sheets up high so that you were essentially cocooned in them. The sheets smelt perfectly like Eddie. Bringing them up to your nose to scent him, you felt instantly calmer by the second.
You could hear the faint murmur of the tv in the lounge, knowing that Wayne would probably be watching the 5am news or a repeat of his favourite western, the Comancheros. The knowledge of him being right outside was enough to comfort you even more, knowing that you weren't alone anymore.
For the first time since your episode began, you felt like you could actually finally fall asleep; the comfy bed, the lingering scent of Eddie all around you and the soft comforter all equated to your relaxed, happy state. Your tired eyes closed on their own accord, suddenly overwhelmed by the heaviness that pulled at them and without any hesitation or conscious effort, you slipped into a deep sleep, putting the bad day behind you.
Only a few hours later, early in the morning when Eddie's van roared up the dirt road towards the trailer, music turned down only slightly from its usual blaring volume, until it came to a sharp stop right outside his trailer. He frowned when he saw not only your car but his uncles truck parked outside, not expecting either of you to be there when he got back.
He stepped into the trailer and immediately spotted his uncle lounging in his armchair, a western playing on the old tv, without any sign of you.
Eddie nods to his uncle in greeting, before opening his mouth to question your whereabouts until Wayne instantly brings his finger to his lips, attempting to silence the boy from speaking too loudly. He didn't say anything in the moment, merely pointing towards the closed door leading to Eddie's room, hoping that he'd catch what he was trying to say.
Eddie nods his head, frowning a moment later as he realised what must have happened and that he wasn't here to help.
"You're back early boy," Wayne states, reaching for the tv remote to mute it, reaching out to grab a cigarette from the pack before lighting it, watching his nephew do the same thing only moments behind him after placing down the guitar in it's carrier by the small table.
"Gig was cancelled, burst pipe, never even made it on stage," Eddie mumbled, clearly annoyed at the facts he was relaying.
"There's always next time son," Wayne replies, taking a drag of his cigarette, earning a gentle nod from his nephew. "She's asleep, told her to get down in your room."
At the mention of you, Eddie's eyes flicker to the closed door of his bedroom, a warmth filling his gut at the thought of you sleeping in his room, especially without him there. Though he hated the thought of you suffering alone, disliking the thought of it happening when he wasn't here to help a little too much, the fact that you sought out him and his home gave him a little possessive buzz.
"Thanks Wayne, for, yanno," he couldn't quite get the words out that he wanted to say, feeling a little uncomfortable at the emotional weight in the conversation. Wayne understands, he always does and gives Eddie a nod that tells him everything, the look in his eyes conveying his affection for you, especially the way that it silently says 'I'd do it for you too'.
Eddie puts out his cigarette and with one last thankful look towards his uncle, creeps down the hall to his bedroom and slides open the door, trying desperately not to spook you.
It's dark in the room, the only light peeking through the window is from the street light a few meters away that shines rays of light over you thanks to his broken blinds.
He feels a little creepy watching you sleep but he can't resist, seeing you cocooned in his own sheets looking blissfully peaceful, the demons you carried not haunting your dreams. Your hair is spread across the pillow and there's a brief moment where he is genuinely excited that his sheets will smell like you the next night.
He doesn't fully undress, only throws off his shoes and the jeans that were still heavy and filled with ticket stubs and random change that he'd accumulated on the journey to the venue and then straight back. He's delicate as he climbs into bed beside you, praying he doesn't disturb you or worse, frighten you.
He sucks in a breath when he feels you move, no doubt sensing the presence behind you and for a moment he holds his breath, trying to stay completely still.
"Eddie?" You murmur sleepily, the hopefulness in your voice making his heart beat just a little harder at the sound.
"M'here princess," he says gently, pressing his hand delicately to your shoulder. He lets out a little noise of content when you turn over in bed and snuggle down into his chest, bringing your warmth with you. The pair of you cuddling wasn't entirely unheard of, but Eddie was certain it had never been this intimate before, not that he was complaining.
"Wanna talk?" He offers after a few moments of silence, sensing that your breathing hadn't returned to your peaceful sleep pattern. You shake your head on his chest and try to snuggle further down, secretly inhaling more of his scent as you sought comfort that only he could provide.
"How was your gig?" You mumbled, sleepiness still making you slur your words just a little, feeling as if speaking in full was too much effort.
"Got cancelled princess, s'why I'm back," he explains gently. His ringed hand has started to absently rub back and forth across your back and you wish he'd never stop doing it.
"What time is it?" You ask, sitting up just enough to look at him, though you could only really make out his outline in the darkness. You frown, suddenly realising that Eddie was back much, much earlier than you'd anticipated and his words of explanation slowly sunk in. "It got cancelled, why?"
Once again, Eddie feels like the grinch with his heart expanding in significant increments, feeling it grow and swell at your distraught tone. You actually cared that the gig was cancelled.
"Pipe burst," he says with a shrug, a much calmer reaction to the news than he'd had only a few hours ago when he'd gone ballistic and kicked the tyres of his van.
"I'm sorry Eddie, you were really excited." He smiles down at you, even if you can't see it. Suddenly feeling overwhelming affection for you. He shrugs again and pulls you closer, holding on to you just a little tighter.
"So, do you come here often without me? Think I might be developing a complex here princess." Even in the dark you can hear the smirk in his voice and you use your head to jab him just a little in the ribs at his insinuation.
"Better when you're here," you mumble, resting your head again against his soft body. "Just needed you."
Eddie bites back a smile, knowing that you would never dare say that in the light of day but somehow between the darkness and the late, or early, hour, everything said between you both seems like a secret, your own little world created where nothing is out of bounds.
"How did your exam go?" He asks, still slowly running his ringer fingers across your back.
"Sssh, too much talking," you say with a smile, not wanting to think about the day before. He understands, it was a Munson's best quality after all to know when talking wasn't beneficial; when being arrested, in an argument with your woman and just occasionally when the moment was so perfect no words would be good enough.
"Coffees on me in the morning," he says, his eyes closing as he feels your breathing even out again, your body sinking further into him as sleep begins to take over.
"Mmmm, sounds nice," you say lightly, the tiredness and proximity to sleep so clear in your voice that it makes Eddie smile out into the dark room.
"Donuts too," he adds, kissing the top of your head as it rests on his chest, feeling prouder than he'd ever felt before. You'd found comfort in him and in turn he'd found comfort in you too, both of you slowly sailing off to sleep surrounded by each other, the pains of the day before disappearing entirely.
Tumblr media
Taglist requests
@ferntv
@aigowen
@that-lame-ghoul9000
@jules-with-stars
@sleepiemocha
@seppys-return-to-madness
@wtvbabes
@the-mrs-malik-styles
@cedslover
@nisapoosworld
@dashhhhkaaa
@ghostlytv
@nerdymesss
@costheticbabe
@cliffburtonscig
@lildrunkjkk
@levylovegood
@jewelsrules
@jphxnix
@asuperconfusedgirl
@staceys-moms-thighs
@nighttimewrites
@egghasnoleg
@mel119g
@angelrioter
@minatozsana
@quinny921
@blahhh819
@comicgollum20
@moonieseyelash
@marisimps
@xslashers
@70s-chic
@shadyunknowncreation
@rockabieesstuff
@moon-2424
@chx-la
@malenk
@jimmywoosimp
@soulessfictionaddict
@twistedlaces1909
@brookiecookiez0
@nightowlgirl
@fiathefirst
@rybrewer82-blog
@cryb4by-te4rs
@rainingsky37
@ali-r3n
421 notes · View notes
linos-luna · 9 months
Note
Yandere Felix giving the reader princess treatment. Lix kinda love-bombing the reader and they are not aware that lix is a yandere. (If it's confusing, basically Yan-felix spoiling the reader) thank you 🤠🤠
Princess 🔪
Yandere!Felix x Fem!Reader
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Warnings: Yandere , obsessive behavior, kissing, a little suggestive? (C/n = Cousin name)
——————————————————— ♡
You started dating this really sweet boy. He was so loving and caring. He always wanted to be with you and loved spoiling you. Constantly. New clothes, new plushies, new things. Although you haven’t been together for long, he always came over to your place and would sleep over a lot. You make the joke that he might as well live there.
Felix was obsessed. You’re his princess and he wants spoil you but he also feels that he needs to protect you. You’ve told him about some bad dating experiences in the past and some issues you’ve had with depression. He understood and wants to be with you forever…
You were at home, laying on the couch with the tv on. Whatever show was playing only acted as background noise. Depression was setting in a little and you were tired.
Before you could fall asleep, there was a knock at the door.
You begrudgingly got up and dragged yourself to the door.
It was Felix! You were happy when opening the door and seeing him but at the same time embarrassed.
You’ve been inside most of the day so you wore sweats along with an oversized shirt.
But that didn’t seem to matter to Felix. He was happy and cheerful as usual.
“Hi noona!” He said happily while kissing your lips and letting himself in, he had some bulky bags with him. “I heard you were a little sad so I thought I’d cheer you up!”
It was funny that he said that. You had texted him earlier that you were feeling a little down. So yeah… he heard from you.
“I bought you some gifts!” He said while taking your hand.
“Felix… maybe I should fix myself up a bit—”
“You look fine!” He interrupted. “But I’ll help you later okay?”
You nodded, watching as he pulled a big plushie from a bag. It was your favorite Sanrio character! So cute!
“For you!” He said happily while pushing it in your face.
“Aw, thank you baby…” you smiled while hugging the plush. “How’d you know that this one is my favorite?”
“Lucky guess.” Felix replied casually.
You put the plush down and Felix gave you another kiss on the lips, nod holding your hip.
“Can we spend the day together?” He asked sweetly, pulling you close.
“Yeah. We can do that.” You replied with a laugh.
~~~~
While in your room, Felix brought one of the bags and pulled out some clothes he must’ve bought recently and helped you pick out an outfit.
The cute shirt he had was one that you remember looking at but not getting over a week ago. It was interesting that he got it, but again, probably a lucky guess; I mean who wouldn’t like that shirt.
When it came to dressed you didn’t know he meant helping you literally so it was odd when he literally was dressing you.
“Lixie, you don’t have to do all this.” You chuckled as he looked through your shoes.
“But I want to, noona.” He said while getting some sneakers. “I want you to be happy.”
He was so sweet. You loved that. Sure it seemed a little much but he knew you weren’t feeling the best so that’s probably why.
“You look so cute!”
You blushed. Honestly you weren’t feeling the most confident but he always knew how to boost your ego.
You boyfriend gave you kiss on the cheek before taking your hand to lead you out.
Before stepping out the front door, Felix gave you another kiss, this time on the lips.
“So pretty, noona. I love you.”
“I love you too, Lixie.” You blushed while stepping out and locking the door behind you.
~~~
After getting an early dinner he took you to get some bingsue. You both ate from a big strawberry one. It was so good especially on the warm evening.
When finished, Felix would wipe your mouth with napkins, it was a little embarrassing but a sweet gesture.
As you went back to the car, your boyfriend pulled a small necklace from his pocket. It was rose gold with a rose shaped stone. It wasn’t too visible but on the back it actually had his initials. You always wondered where he got all this money.
“Oh wow baby. That’s so pretty.”
“Yeah it’s for you.” He said while putting it on you. “So everyone knows you’re mine!”
“Oh well…”
“Let’s go! I wanna make some sweets!”
“We already had dessert.” You chuckled awkwardly.
“But I’m gonna make more.” He said as he said in a “matter of fact” type of way.
~~~
Once back at home, you put your purse in your closet and was suddenly hugged from behind. You were a bit surprised as felix backed up into your bed. He laid down with you and held you close.
“Lixie, what are you doing?” You laughed as he poked at your side a few times.
“Loving you.” He said while continuing to poke you.
You were very ticklish there and could resist laughing as he held on.
It wasn’t long before this tickle fight turned into kissing, then full on making out. Felix’s kisses were passionate but also desperate. His hands were all over your body as you let him take over.
He started leaving sloppy kisses down your neck as you attempted to sit up.
“Baby…” you chuckled as his kissed tickled your neck. “What about the sweets you wanted to make?”
“Hm?” He didn’t seem to care and went back to kiss your lips before you pulled back.
“Hey—”
Before you could say anything else, you found yourself pinned to the bed. The mood suddenly feeling tense, and not in a sensual way.
“Baby…?” You asked awkwardly, looking up at his dead serious face.
“Im sorry noona.” He said, instantly switching back to his smiley loving self. “I just get excited.”
You were a little unnerved as you sat up and Felix helped you to your feet.
“I’m gonna start making the sweets. Go wash up your hands.” Felix said pushing you towards the bathroom.
“Okay?”
As you went to the restroom to wash your hands, Felix stayed back in your room and looked at one of your shelves. Between some books was the small camera he hid. He was glad it was still there.
~~~~
Later on in the night, you decided to take a shower as Felix got himself ready for bed. He already had some pajamas and a change of clothes there so it wasn’t unusual.
As you showered, he looked on your phone that was charging on the desk.
He unlocked it with ease and looked through some messages.
Some friends had been texting you during they day. He hated that your attention wasn’t entirely on him. And he hated these friends.
Looking through the messages, he could see some where your friend was telling you to watch out for him. That something wasn’t right.
He hated that. This girl says it a lot in these messages.
Then who’s this? A boy??
There was a boy texting you! It was from a few days ago but still! Felix seemed to completely disregard that the contact is under family and that this is your cousin.
Maybe he wasn’t loving you hard enough. He needs to prove your friends wrong. To make sure you text no boys!
Instantly he deleted your cousin’s contact and the messages. He then deleted your friend’s contact as well and put your phone back down before you came out of the bathroom.
“Noona… do you love me?”
“What?” You asked with an awkward laugh. “Of course I do… why would you—?”
“Because I love you!” He interrupted. “I love you a lot!”
“I know.” You giggled while getting in bed.
Felix got in next to you and hugged you tight. He loves spooning you.
As you drifted off to sleep he got close to your ear and held on even tighter.
“Noona… I don’t like when you talk to (c/n)…”
His deep voice startled you. And what was he talking about?
“Baby… that’s my cousin…?” You replied, not turning around.
“I don’t like you talking to boys…”
He let go and you rolled onto your back as he propped himself over you.
“I’m just messing with you, noona.” He said with a smile. But it wasn’t the loving type of smile. It was one full of snarkiness. “I love you~”
You awkwardly chuckled while turning back to your side. Why was he so worried about your cousin? Why was he all of the sudden so serious. It was weird.
Felix held you and sighed. He almost let himself slip. Jealousy almost took over. Maybe he’s not loving you hard enough. But he can’t be mad at you. He would never punish his princess. He must punish the ones manipulating you. Like your friend. He hated her. She deserves to be punished.
~~~~~~~~~~ 🎀
1K notes · View notes
kayentokk · 5 months
Text
Easy Peasy Sukuna Squeezey(Part 1);A Lot More Ice Cream
Tumblr media
Pairing;Sukuna x Fem! Reader
Summary;Sukuna always knows what to do when you’re upset, but this time he thinks he’s gonna need a lot more ice cream to fix the problem. 
Contains;feelings, some sadness, cheating mentions, angst kinda (not in a death way), comfort(Sukuna comfort), 🥹
wc; 1,261
A/N;uhmmm y’all I think imma make this a series. Cuz I wanna drag it out and I have more ideas for this storyline, so bear with me. And I hope you enjoy the first chapter!
Series M.list Next
Tumblr media
The smell coming from inside was musk, and humid. You could feel it radiating through the door. You knew this was coming, hell this is what you came over here for. But it still hurts like a bitch to know your boyfriend, ex, is in the middle of sex with one of your mutual, ex, friends. 
You were tipped off today by one of your ex’s friends, the only reason he told you was because quote unquote he “can give you a better time than that prick.” At the time you thought, he’s probably not wrong, maybe you’ll even take him up on the offer after this. That’s not likely though. You’re just, rightfully so, in your feelings and feeling angry about the whole situation. 
You still wanted to see for yourself though, so you went to his apartment. You quietly unlocked the door and turned the knob, you just needed to know for yourself. You didn’t want to be privy or see the adulterous, disgusting act. 
As if the clothes, that obviously belonged to him and his little- thing, that were in a trail leading to the bedroom weren’t enough, a loud, keening, high-pitched whine was let out. You didn’t need to see or hear anymore, that was enough. 
You had tried to tried mentally prepare yourself before you got there, deciding to walk there for the commute instead of driving because you could clear your head better, but nothing prepares you for betrayal. And this was betrayal at its finest. 
You placed the keys on the counter, opened the door, and slammed it shut loudly on your way out. You were hoping to startle them, but you’d be long gone before they got a clue. 
You didn’t want to go home, so you didn’t. It’s not like you had anything waiting on you there, besides the memories that were once happy of you and him. And that’s just depressing. 
After walking for a while, you noticed where you were headed. Sukuna’s house. It was only natural to want to go there. Sukuna is your best friend, of sorts. You guys grew up together, you went to the same schools your whole life, and your mothers were best friends. So you guys were destined to be close in some way. 
You stopped yourself right across the street from his complex. All the intrusive thoughts immediately rolled in, what if he has girls over? Or he’s having a party? Or maybe he’s not home?   M-maybe he doesn’t want to-
“Hey,” a gruff voice greets you.
It’s Sukuna. 
He’s in his car, the windows are rolled down and the music is low so that you can hear him, he has a couple of bags in the front seat, he must have just been returning from somewhere. 
“Hellooo? Earth to y/n?”
You snapped out of it, “hey,” you greet him lowly.
“Were you coming to see me?,” he asks reaching for his phone from his back pocket, “I didn’t think I got a message from you.”
“You didn’t. I didn’t know I was coming here either to be honest.”
“Oh…well, are you gonna get in or what? It’s freezing outside and you’re letting all my heat out of the window you psycho.”
It’s cold? Yeah, it is the middle of winter. You hadn’t noticed until he mentioned it. He moved the bags to the backseat without even having to get out of the car, the perks of having long arms, and you got in. It was warm, and your fingers started to defrost.
He parked the car in his designated spot, and you went to get out of the car but not before he stopped you by grabbing the hood of your coat. You turned your head and looked at him. His bright garnet eyes were piercing right through you, and you wanted to break. You wanted to crumble and cry and scream, you hate that look. Like he knows something is wrong. 
“You gonna tell me what’s wrong? or we jus’ not gonna talk today?” 
Your lip quivers and at that small twitch Sukuna’s face drops. The normal irritated grimace that dawns his face is replaced with something else, something you’ve never seen before. It’s almost a saddening expression, it doesn’t suit Sukuna at all, you think. 
In all the years you guys have been with each other, Sukuna thinks, he’s never seen you look so delicate or fragile. He’s seen you cry over getting a “boo-boo” or “ouchie” when you were small, he’s seen you cry over being reprimanded, hell he’s even seen you cry during your period, but all those things he could fix. A bandaid, a cookies and cream waffle cone, and a movie. Easy peasy, Sukuna squeezey. But a part of him felt like this ouchie would be harder to fix if he could fix it at all. 
“He cheated ‘kuna,” you spoke plainly. It was harder to admit than you thought. You immediately felt repulsed from it.
He didn’t know what to say, he was in utter shock and he wanted to kill the dirty bastard. How could he? You devoted yourself to him and you cared and treated him with all the kindness in your heart. Sukuna was so enraged and he also felt….sad? This wasn’t the usual agitated feeling he got when you were upset, this was different. He knew this was different. You weren’t even crying yet, just sitting silently in pure consciousness. 
You didn’t really want to talk about it if you’re being honest. Your boyfriend-ex, cheated on you. What else was there to say about it? But the silence was killing you.
“You could say something y’know,” you sniffled bringing a hand up to rub your nose. “It’s more embarrassing if you don’t,” you chuckled dryly.
Sukuna, however, didn’t find it funny. Nothing about this was funny. And it was becoming apparent to him, that he’d need a lot more ice cream. 
What do you want him to say though? If he told you he’d kill him that wouldn’t solve the issue or lessen your hurt, If he acts out of character and said sorry you’d just think he’s taking pity on you and he knows you hate that. 
So Sukuna does what he knows best, he “ignores” it. When you were both in your adolescent stage and you were mad at him about something harsh that he probably said that’s what he did. 
He’d still talk to you even if you were ignoring him, which pissed him the hell off by the way, he’d do anything you wanted. And eventually you’d forget why you were mad at him in the first place, it was his way of apologizing. That was the only way he knew how to treat you without you feeling like he’s pitying you.
So he turns off the car, gets out, grabs the bags he put in the back seat, and when he sees you’re still in the car he gives you a nod and says, “come on, we don’t want you to freeze do we?” And you smile, it’s only a fragment of what it normally is, but you smile. And Sukuna feels relief, of course if you wanted to talk about it he’d listen. But right now, it’s freezing outside and he doesn’t think a car is the right place to have that conversation. All the people passing by while you’re hyperventilating and crying over your jerk of an ex is not exactly what you want to happen either.
So you follow him into the apartment. 
Tumblr media
@/cafekitsune for the divider
414 notes · View notes
neurologicalanguish · 2 months
Text
pathetic and sad and depressed leon thoughts cause he’s a dumb fuckin loser who should die (i would do anything he told me) erm… this is also my first post so… bare with me
cw/tw: olderbf!leon(age gap not specified), erectile dysfunction(i know, not my fault he’s a pathetic traumatised mf…), suicidal ideation, nsfw after read more, slight misogyny, porn addiction, choking kink, reader has afab anatomy, nonchalant leon…
would definitely thrash and cry in his sleep sometimes, the amount of horror and gore he’s experienced first hand wouldn’t be taken away just cause he has a pretty thing like you to love.
i feel like he’s always so detached and constantly disassociating that whenever you try to initiate something, anything at all, he just sort of does it out of inertia, just so you can get the relief you want.
he’d be rubbing lazy circles on your clit as you cling and squirm against him, as he has you all nuzzled into his chest with his arm under your head.
but that fucker is probably thinking about something else entirely, he’s just glad you haven’t gotten sick of him yet. how you still so desperately seek his love and validation.
sex doesn’t excite him anymore, sure, he needs to stick his cock in something warm and wet from time to time, but he’s fucked so much in his youth that he doesn’t even see the appeal of it anymore. not to mention the porn addiction he had…
hours on end, just spent in front of magazines, or shitty cassette tapes, that were so old and fucking beat that he’d have to fix them himself in order to not have the whore’s moans sound like they’re from within the depths of hell because the cassette would play in slow motion.
how he’d gotten so desensitised to anything that had to do with sex, that at one point he needed to start reading erotica, just to get his dick hard. he’d just sit on the shitty mattress of the floor of the apartment he was supposed to call “home” , while watching the TV playing porn, like it was some fuckin’ game show.
so it doesn’t come as a surprise, at least to him, that with the years, he doesn’t find pleasure in sex, or anything at all really.
but when he sees such a pretty thing like you, so pathetic and constantly begging him to be pounded, guilt would just wash over him, saying to himself that “it’s the least i could do for the fuckin’ world, right?”
so again, he’d have you under him, peppering wet kisses on your neck, or choking you sometimes. how he’d wish to actually snap your fragile neck at times, it didn’t help when your skin would turn slightly pale, it was almost like it was doing something for him, but he decided to ignore it.
his aging, and the shitty way he had lived up until the time you met him, and even as he’s with you, doesn’t attenuate the fact that his “stupid fuckin’ useless cock” doesn’t even wanna work anymore. he feels so pathetic and helpless. he’d rather jump off a bridge, the sound of his body weight reverberating on cold harsh concrete, as his corpse splays out in a million fuckin’ particles as it hits the ground, leaving behind just a burgundy mess of what was once your “handsome old man” , than have to explain to you that he doesn’t wanna fuck, his dick doesn’t work.
he just tries to be grateful for what he has, at least you cook good food. he’ll keep attending to your needs, eating you out, buying you toys, fiddling with your clit, he’ll keep pretending for his “pretty girl”.
235 notes · View notes
munchmemes · 1 month
Text
taylor swift lyrics, the tortured poets department edition, part two
guilty as sin?
▸ my boredom's bone-deep. ▸ am i allowed to cry? ▸ i'm seeing visions, am i bad? or mad? or wise? ▸ one slip and i'm falling back into the hedge maze. ▸ oh, what a way to die. ▸ i keep recalling things we never did. ▸ how i long for our trysts. ▸ how can i be guilty as sin? ▸ i keep these longings locked inside a vault. ▸ someone told me there's no such things as bad thoughts, only your actions talk. ▸ they're gonna crucify me anway. ▸ what if they way you hold me is actually what's holy? ▸ i choose you and me religiously.
who's afraid of little old me?
▸ the "who's who?`" of "who's that?" is poised for the attack. ▸ you don't get to tell me about 'sad'. ▸ if you wanted me dead, you should've just said. nothing makes me feel more alive. ▸ who's afraid of little old me? you should be. ▸ the scandal was contained, the bullet had just grazed. ▸ at all costs, keep your good name. ▸ you don't get to tell me you feel bad. ▸ is it a wonder i broke? ▸ let's hear one more joke. then we could all just laugh until i cry. ▸ i was tame, i was gentle till the circus life made me mean. ▸ they say they didn't do it to hurt me but what if they did? ▸ i want to snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me. ▸ you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me. ▸ isn't that what they all said? that i'm fearsome and i'm wretched and i'm wrong. ▸ you lured me and you hurt me and you taught me. ▸ you caged me and then you called me crazy. ▸ i am what i am 'cause you trained me.
i can fix him (no really i can)
▸ the jokes that [you/they] told across the bar were revolting and far too loud. ▸ they shake their heads, saying "god help [them]" when i tell 'em you're the one. ▸ i can fix him, no really i can. and only i can. ▸ i could see it from a mile away. ▸ you had a halo of the highest grade, you just hadn't met met yet. ▸ come close, i'll show you heaven if you'll be an angel all night. ▸ trust me, i can handle me a dangerous [man/woman].
loml
▸ we were just kids, babe. ▸ i don't mind, it takes time. ▸ i thought i was better safe than starry-eyed. ▸ i felt aglow like this. never before and never since. ▸ you and i went from one kiss to getting married. ▸ you said i'm the love of your life about a million times. ▸ a conman sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme. ▸ i felt a hole like this never before and ever since. ▸ what we thought was for all time was momentary. ▸ i wish i could un-recall how we almost had it all. ▸ the coward claimed he was a lion. ▸ i'll still see it until i die. you're the loss of my life.
i can do it with a broken heart
▸ i can show you lies. ▸ i'm a real tough kid, i can handle my shit. ▸ they said 'you gotta fake it 'til you make it' and i did. ▸ you said you'd love me all your life but that life was too short. ▸ i can do it with a broken heart. ▸ i'm so depressed, i act like it's my birthday every day. ▸ i cry a lot but i am so productive, it's an art. ▸ you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart. ▸ i can hold my breath, i've been doing it since [you/they] left. ▸ i'm miserable and nobody even knows!
the smallest man who ever lived
▸ was any of it true? ▸ now you know what it feels like. ▸ i don't miss what we had. ▸ in public, you showed me off then sank in stoned oblivion. ▸ you didn't measure up in any measure of a man. ▸ were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? ▸ good riddance 'cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden. ▸ i would've died for your sins. instead i just died inside. ▸ in plain sight you hid but you are what you did. ▸ i'll forget you but i'll never forgive.
the alchemy
▸ this happens once every few lifetimes. ▸ these chemicals hit me like white wine. ▸ what if i told you i'm back? ▸ the hospital was a drag. worst sleep i ever had. ▸ ditch the clowns, get the crown. ▸ what if i told you we're cool? ▸ honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy? ▸ where's the trophy?
clara bow
▸ all your life, did you know you'd be picked like a rose? ▸ i'm not trying to exaggerate but i think i might die. ▸ this town is fake but you're the real thing. ▸ take the glory, give everything. ▸ promise to be dazzling. ▸ you're the new god we're worshipping. ▸ beauty is a beast that roars down on all fours, demanding more. ▸ it's hell on earth to be heavenly. ▸ them's the breaks, they don't come gently.
159 notes · View notes
ponderingmoonlight · 3 months
Note
Hello, could you write something about toge inumaki where the reader comforts him after the loss of his arm in Shibuya (I need content about my baby, almost no one writes about him) 💗😸
Comforting Toge Inumaki after he lost his arm in Shibuya
Tumblr media
Pairing: Toge Inumaki x fem!reader
Word Count: 1,4k
Synopsis: see request above
Warnings: loss of arm, hurt to comfort, Toge deserves all the love, this is not proofread bc it's my birthday and I have to meet up with people urgh
dear anon, I hope you like your request even though it took me some time <3
Tumblr media
Your feet carry you down the dark hallways on their own, mind racing. You weren’t there when it happened. In fact, you didn’t even know what was going on until Yuta arrived by your side.
“He’s severely injured, (y/n).”
There was no doubt that he talked about your lover, the boy who swept you off your feet. Toge Inumaki, severely injured? This has to be a bad dream, you will wake up every minute-
But you didn’t wake up. No, instead Shoko confirmed your worst nightmares. When Sukuna launched his sphere, Toge got caught in between. You swallow hard, desperately try to keep yourself from hyperventilating, from losing your mind completely. Your wobbly legs carry you down the halls of jujutsu high, hot tears stinging in your eyes. It is said that he lost an arm and a severe amount of blood. Is he awake, shocked, depressed? What exactly happened? The sheer wave of thoughts that roam around your head makes you feel dizzy and almost trip over your own feet.
You have to see him, have to make sure he’s alright.
“Shoko?”
Your call fades into the darkness unanswered. What time is it? It has to be far past midnight. After all, you yourself were busy the whole night fighting off curses in Shibuya.
“Fuck!”
Over and over, you slam your fists into a nearby wall. Suddenly your house of card collapses. This is a nightmare, the worst that could have happened. Nanami-sensei and Nobara dying. Panda, Maki, all the others…Toge.
You swallow hard, a toe-curling scream escaping your trembling lips. He promised to come back when you had to separate, promised to meet you back at Jujutsu High when everything’s over.
“I don’t want to leave you like this”, you admitted, heart almost pounding out of your chest.
He said nothing, he didn’t had to. Instead, he wrapped his arms around you and caressed your hair gently.
“Tuna tuna.”
A soft kiss on your temple, a last warm smile.
Then he disappeared in one of the tunnels, straight into darkness. Was that the last time you saw him? Your numb body glides down the wall, life forcing you onto your knees. You always knew how dangerous this job is, that every day could be your last. And still, you never admitted it to him. You didn’t even get the chance to tell him how you truly feel, that all those innocent touches mean the world to you.
“I love you”, you whimper into the night.
“I always did.”
“What the hell are you doing here, (y/n)?”
Your widen eyes search for her voice. Oh, there was never a moment you were more excited to hear her, to feel her presence. In the matter of second, you get back on your legs and start running. Towards the woman who means hope, towards her white doctor’s coat splattered in blood.
“Please tell me he’s okay, tell me you were able to fix him”, you mutter against her chest.
The smoke of cigarettes follows Shoko no matter where she goes, stings in your nose like venom. But you couldn’t care less. No, that she’s here means he has to be alright. That she’s here is your last straw of hope.
“Calm down, kid.”
Her free hand brushes through your hair while she puffs on her cigarette.
“This was a rough night, okay? And to be honest, you look like you could use a treatment to-“
“Shoko.”
Your eyes find hers, clouded in sleep deprivation and an unwavering sadness. And then she…smiles.
“He’s alright, (y/n).”
The weight of what feels like the whole world collapses from your chest onto the floor. And for the very first time since Yuta told you what happened, you are able to finally breathe. He’s alright. That means he’s alive, he’s save, he’s still there.
“Can I see him?”
“Just to let you know…I wasn’t able to save his left arm, okay? He’s well otherwise, but I wasn’t able to fix that. Just don’t be surprise when…y’know, it’s gone”, she explains while starting to move towards the hospital wing.
You simply follow her like a lost puppy, the news of his lost arm making your guts turn. You already heard what happened but still you hoped Shoko might be able to somehow fix this…How does he feel? This news must be devastating for him. Does he already know about the others?
Just when you’re about to drift off in your panic thoughts all over again, Shoko comes to a stand in front of your door. Your heartbeat picks up in an instant, glossy eyes staring at the closed door.
“Is he in there?”
“Take the time you need, okay? And (y/n)?”
Your turn around to look at her, shaky fingers already positioned on the doorknob.
“Just go ahead and finally tell him about your feelings, okay?”
You swallow hard, mouth so dry you aren’t even able to respond with words. Instead, you nod at her, heart pounding so roughly against your ribcage that you threaten to faint.
And then you open the door.
For a moment, your body isn’t really sure what to do. Are you about to pass out, are you relieved, scared, miserable? Toge just sits there, a weak smile forming itself on his lips when he realizes it’s you.
Something inside you snaps. Before you are able to help yourself, you storm towards him. Despite the horrible pain in your injured shoulder, despite all the bruises that cover your legs, despite the fact that you just want to cry and go to sleep, you sprint. Your body falls onto the sick bed he lays on, collapses into his already opened invited arms. Tears of joy, guilt and agony start to stream down your face in rivers, soak the bandage that covers his chest.
“Mustard leaves.”
“Are you alright?”
He eyes you up and down, inspects the wound on your forehead with his fingertips.
“I should ask you this”, you mutter against his chest.
“I should have never left you alone down there. I-…I’ll never forgive myself for this. We should have stayed together. Maybe we would have been able to prevent this from happening, maybe-“
“Fish flakes.”
“That’s not true, (y/n).”
His eyes are filled with emotions you can’t read, his thumb caressing your cheek oh so gently.
“I love you, Toge. I should have said it sooner, but I’ve been to afraid to fuck it up”, you cry out.
You never expected those words to come off your tongue so easily, that you’d be able to finally admit your feelings to him. A gentle smile lights up his face, eyes still fixated on yours.
“Salmon.”
“I love you too.”
Somehow you always knew. Deep within your guts, you always had this feeling that he might like you back. But hearing it from his very own mouth, seeing the glimmer in his eyes, that oh so precious smile. You are so lost in your train of thoughts that you startle when the boy you love more than anything else suddenly sobs.
“Fish flakes.”
“I’m scared, (y/n).”
His sudden confession almost sweeps you off your feet, the pained tone in his sore voice breaking your heart into tiny little pieces. Out of all people in Shibuya, he deserved this the least. But you have to be strong. Not only for yourself, but especially for Toge.
“We’ll get through this together, okay? I might not be able to take your pain away, but I’ll be there for you non-stop.”
He wraps his arm around you. Longingly, passionate. As if you’re air and he can’t breathe, as if you’re sunshine on a cloudy day, like water in the desert. You bury your head in the crook of his neck, silent tears still streaming down your face. Oh, you can’t imagine how painful it must be to lose your arm. Let alone…all the horrible things he saw in Shibuya. This night showed every single one of you that the real fight just started, that you had absolutely no idea about the real jujutsu world.
You gaze up at him, his glossy but loving eyes set on you.
“We can do this, Toge”, you whisper into the night.
“Salmon”, his shaky voice replies before he presses his lips against yours.
Tumblr media
Tags: @arehzhera @ploylulla @tzubaki @beatrexworld @kenstarsworld @dazaisdick @hellkaiserinphoenix  @lauv4chuuya @shadowfoxey @starlightanyaaa @sindela @kayleegomez @sunshine7queen @magalimachete @mokoartpost @gatitam @idontknow1123 @creative1writings @sanicsmut  @mynahx3 @sad-darksoul @chilichopsticks @chuyasthighs0 @ynackerman9499 @keepghostly @wxwieeee @lovelyluna1 @froufrousnowman @hidazinie @tomiokathedepresso  @gojosrealwife  @coffeeluvr96 @mahi-tamashi @weebotaku21 @chaoticwinnercupcake @lees-chaotic-brain  @risuola  @sugurulefttesticle @wordskeeper @baku2345 @polarbvnny @ruixrei @bam-bam-bam-bame-blog @lavenderdrxp @localhehecat @alicerhr @kayleegomez @belovedvamp @wifenanami @chilichopsticks @dlwlrmas-world @oikawarz @darkstarlight82 @satoreo @luwumii @tachiharazsstuff @kentocalls @cheesemachine44 @ryva @kenjakusconcubine @komelrebi-san @deezy12299@busyreader17 @4pgletter @okay-it-is-ivy @iluvtoru @starlightanyaaa @bonnie-tz @bookcluberror @sillygoose3082
216 notes · View notes
smuttykdrama · 5 months
Text
[Hyunsu x Fem!Survivor!Reader / Sweet Home Season One]
Warnings: Depression, ED if you squint, Cha Hyunsu needs a hug, Self loathing, Eunhyuk is an ass in this, Kissing, Hyunsu is baby boy - .
Plot: You and Eunhyuk have been best friends for as long as you can remember, but your eyes are on Hyunsu. You comfort him as he goes through a hard time after going on missions for Eunhyuk.
Story under the cut!
Tumblr media
"What does it matter to you if he's in pain or not? He's a monster who could turn at any time. He's in there to protect us."
Eunhyuk paced around outside Hyunsu's room he was confined in, scowling at you.
"(Y/N). This is my last warning. Don't get close to Cha Hyunsu. He'll only hurt you if he turns. I need to protect you-"
You sighed, angrily folding your arms, tears building up in your eyes. How could Eunhyuk, your best friend, be so cold towards another? Hyunsu was basically a prisoner in this place. They made him work all day and night exploring the building and fighting monsters, leaving him exhausted when he got back. At this point, you doubted that Eunhyuk even fed him or took care of his half healed wounds.
"Ya, Lee Eunhyuk, how could you be so thoughtless? Hyunsu has done nothing wrong. He's still human, like you and me! How could you lock him in that room and starve him?! Not to mention leaving him to heal by himself!"
You yelled furiously, really upset. You were the only one who dared approach Hyunsu, and you could tell he wasn't doing well mentally or physically.
"He isn't a human. He's a monster. I can't risk you getting hurt trying to fix him."
Eunhyuk stated calmly, unfazed by your outburst. He grabbed your hand and placed it on his chest, over his heart.
"I'm doing this for you. Feel this? My heart beats only for you, so why? Why are you so obsessed with Cha Hyunsu?"
His voice seethe with jealousy. Ah. So torturing Hyunsu was Eunhyuk's way of showing his jealousy. You always knew that Eunhyuk had a crush on you ever since middle school. But as you grew older, his attitude became more stoic and stern.
"I don't give a fuck about your little crush on me, Lee Eunhyuk. You've hurt my Hyunsu, and you're going to pay for it one day. Leave me. I'm going to see him and you can't stop me."
And with that, you walked away, entering Hyunsu's room. Eunhyuk was stunned and angered, but knee he couldn't stop you. You'd soon find out not to trust a monster. As you stepped inside, you softly called out,
"Hyunsu?"
He immediately recognised your voice and ran over to you like a lost puppy. His averting eyes and soft voice made your heart flutter. He rubbed his arm gently, mumbling.
"(Y-Y/N)? Oh...hi."
Hyunsu greeted, his head hanging low. You were appalled by the mere sight of him. He had torn clothes, bruises everywhere, half healed cuts, and looked genuinely exhausted.
"Hyunsu...how have you been?"
He looked down, gulping nervously.
"Fine.."
"Cha Hyunsu. You don't look fine...how long has it been, sweetheart?"
His head snapped up in confusion.
"How long since what?"
"How long since you've rested and had a meal?"
Hyunsu anxiously twiddled with his fingers, unable to keep still. Over the past week, you'd become someone very precious to him, ever since you'd stopped him from ending his life. He didn't want to tell you the truth. He didn't want you to worry about him...but Hyunsu knew that you'd find out eventually.
"Five days, noona..I haven't slept..the monster..it's hurting.."
He whispered sadly, unable to contain his depressed thoughts. He continued,
"I'm a monster. Monsters don't sleep or need food, right? And I'm In here because I'm a threat to everyone. Noona, it's dangerous, you should leave."
You were stunned; to see such a sweet person talking down on themselves felt extremely sad. Hyunsu's eyes filled with tears as he turned away from you, prompting you to move closer, until your front was completely up against his back. You back hugged him, snaking your hands around his waist.
"Hyunsu...you're not a monster. You're our savior, I can't imagine how exhausting this has been for you. To protect everyone. all while keeping a distance, unable to interact properly. I'm sorry about Eunhyuk and the others. They don't understand."
A tear slipped down his sunken cheek.
"Hyunsu - ah, I've brought you some food."
You said, breaking the hug and offering him some ramen. Hyunsu's eyes went wide as he saw the food. He was starving, but didn't want to trouble anyone anymore.
"I'm a monster. I won't die if I don't eat."
He stated simply, turning back around again.
"But..Hyunsu..that doesn't mean you won't feel hunger."
"I'll just...not eat..."
He insisted stubbornly. You sighed angrily and lifted his chin up with yoru hand suddenly.
"Cha Hyunsu. Eat. Eat or I'll force feed you. Then get some sleep. I'll lay with you."
You ordered him gently, but firmly, glaring into his eyes. He finally gave in, grabbing a few pieces of the ramen from you before retreating to his bed. You pulled up another chair and sat next to him, watching him consume the noodles. After a moment, he put down the bowl and turned to face you.
"Thank you, Noona...nobody else had bothered to visit me.."
Hyunsu got up from the makeshift bed and leaned over, placing a soft kiss on your cheek. Your face burned bright red as he shyly and softly kissed you.
"God, Hyunsu. Stay safe on your missions for Eunhyuk, okay? You're mine. And I don't want you hurting what's mine."
Hyunsu could've died. You. his Noona...liked him? Even if he was a depressed, tired monster, you accepted him.
"O-okay..."
Hyunsu smiled, taking your hand in his. You ruffled his hair.
"Good boy."
Eunhyuk stares at the door.
313 notes · View notes
espinosaurusrexex · 11 months
Text
If Given the Chance… (1)
BuckyBarnes x Female!Reader | SteveRogers x Female!Reader (ugh I don’t know it’s messy)
summary: After an accident on a mission, Bucky and Steve find themselves in the body of the other and both soon begin to act like it too. But while Bucky tries to fix the problem, Steve takes his opportunity to taste his deepest desires, falling into a role he’d never thought he’d get to play: your boyfriend. 
a/n: remember this ask? yeah... it took a completely different turn
word count: 3.4k
warnings: a confused and hopeless Stevie, pining, agony, angst, betrayal, fluff, a little heated, this borders dub-con but then again not really, still - !MINORS DNI!
・゚✫* 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 | 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 | 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐀𝐎𝟑 ✧*・゚
Tumblr media
(please excuse my horrid Photoshop skills, but no GIF combination could match my vision...)
Change. What was it really? Bucky never thought people truly changed. That deep in their hearts they’d always be the same. And yet, he felt as though he had been part of three different personas so far. He’d always wondered what it must be like to just switch bodies with someone. To represent something different - a contrast to what the body was used to. 
He didn’t need to wonder anymore. Because he’d experienced it. The person he had been before Hydra was not the same as the winter soldier. And neither was the person he was today - different from both of his prior states. And even though he had lived through it, change, he was here, wondering what it must be like.
He’d read a poem once. A sad, hopeless one. But at the end, it said to read it again - from the bottom up, and its meaning shifted entirely. Transformed from a depressing mood into an optimistic one. Changed, just like that.
So, Bucky wasn’t quite sure whether he had experienced that kind of change before. He’d changed looks, and people told him his heart had not shifted one bit. He’d changed occupations, and he’d not felt as though his values had stayed the same. He had contradicted everything he’d ever imagined change to be. Even though he never really knew what it was. 
But now? Now he had proper change. A good one? He wasn’t sure. Not terrible, that was for certain. But definitely one he needed to reverse. 
Steve’s eyes stared back at him through the shiny surface of the window. Confusion etched in his brow he’d never seen on his best friend before. The blonde hair disheveled, eyes more exhausted-looking than they usually did, he pushed a deep breath out of his lunges. 
What a mess.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m good. What about you?”
“I’m okay, I’m just-“
“What? What is it?”
“You.”
“Huh?”
“I’m... you.”
What a fucking mess. 
So Steve was Bucky and Bucky was Steve. But at the same time, they were still themselves, just somehow stuck in the other’s body. It had been four hours since the incident and Bucky was still panicking. He felt the responsibility for the “team” weighing his body down - the body that wasn’t his, but most definitely the reason for his distress. They were about to arrive in the next thirty minutes and no one at the compound knew what had happened. No one. Not Tony, not Bruce, not you. 
Oh god, you didn’t know your boyfriend was trapped in his best friend’s body. Bucky didn’t even know how he would start to explain it. You were very understanding and patient, but Bucky feared that this might introduce a new sphere of problems neither of you had encountered before.
The two friends hadn’t talked about it. Steve and Bucky both knew it was a problem that needed solving, but Steve had been awfully quiet ever since they boarded the Quinjet home. It certainly didn’t help Bucky relax. At least it was late in the night. The chances of encountering another Avenger when they would get back were small and left him a few hours of dealing with it all - maybe sleep it off. 
Who was he kidding?
Bucky wouldn’t be sleeping. He would stay up, wait until it was a reasonable enough hour to drag Bruce to his lab and get him started on fixing the problem not even he knew the actual cause of.
Running, hiding, finding a weird machine, toppling over a storage rack, and the accidental push of a button. An explosion, heat, but no pain - just utter confusion. 
Bucky shook his head as he took a seat beside Steve in the cockpit. Not even he would believe himself if he were told this story...
❁ ❁ ❁
Steve hadn’t planned for this to happen. He just wanted to explain things to you, tell you what had occurred on the mission - even though he didn’t quite know himself - and then find Bucky. For a second, he had even forgotten. He had forgotten that, in a way, he was Bucky. And that you wouldn’t know until he told you that he was Steve. Steve, your boyfriend’s best friend who had been in love with you from the day he met you. 
Yeah... that was an issue. Bucky didn’t know and neither did you. God behold, Steve got in the way of his oldest friend’s happiness. He would never do that. Especially not when that friend had suffered for so long. So, Steve had just kept to himself, watching as Bucky was the one holding you during movie nights, sleeping in your bed, and kissing you goodbye. 
It hurt. But Steve had gotten used to the familiar sting in his chest whenever he witnessed his best friend’s hands on you or when your adoring smile was sent his way. He swallowed the pain like it was nothing, and it got easier every time. He still needed to remind himself though: You can’t, Steve. You don’t want to, Steve. 
But now... now might have been the only opportunity to get away with it. No. He would never. He couldn’t.
“Bucky!” Your door opened and Steve felt your hands around his neck, pulling him down to meet your lips. Wow.
Steve’s body was on fire. The stinging he usually felt in his chest now spreading through his entire body, creating goosebumps on his skin. It felt so different, so good. 
Overwhelmed by the feeling, he stumbled forward, guiding you back by your hips and shutting the door with his foot. 
Endless nights imagining what your pillowy lips would feel like on his seemed silly now that he tasted you. His mind had never even come close. You were so much softer, so much warmer... so much more rewarding than anything his imagination could cook up. 
Steve was addicted now, there was no going back. You were like a drug that tied him to your supply forever. 
His hands began to roam your body, moving your hair, smelling your scent, feeling every bump and curve of your body as he got lost in your embrace. It was too easy to forget it wasn’t him you were kissing. Steve was just as tall as your Boyfriend, he was just as strong - every movement, every look - it felt the same.
Hungrily, Steve’s wet kisses wandered down your neck until he reached the spot that drew a grasp from your lips and it made his pants feel tighter. 
“What’s this about,” you chuckled as your palm gently pressed against his chest. Steve reluctantly loosened his grip around you just to see that shining smile of yours beaming up at him. Holy shit. This must be what heaven feels like.
“I just missed you-” his answer got swallowed in the crook of your neck again, Steve’s cheek settling to your skin when he mumbled the last part beneath your ear. “...a lot.”
You didn’t even know how much. And as you chuckled and ran your hands down his back, Steve wondered if he could even call it missing when he never really had you in the first place. But then you kissed his shoulder and Steve decided that he didn’t care. Your lips just felt a little too good not to miss in any circumstance - whatever it meant now - and he had lost you to his best friend somehow, so he was allowed to miss. 
“Missed you too.” Steve smiled and began to pick up his kissing when he felt your lips press to his shoulder a second time. 
It was strange how natural this interaction felt for Steve. He didn't know if that was because he had imagined it a hundred times, dreamt about you more nights than he liked to admit - each time waking with an ache in more places than one and the added incapability to stop it. Steve had not had a girlfriend since he met you. He tried a few hookups, each one with the picture of you in his head, the actual person beneath him serving merely the purpose of physical touch, but it wasn’t enough. Especially now that he knew what it could feel like - kissing you alone - nothing could ever compare.
Lost in his thoughts, his hands wandered down your body, squeezing parts of you he’d only ever imagined touching, and every breathy moan he pulled from you became a tiny celebration in his mind.
Your hands held on tight to his neck when his knee found its way between your legs, your head falling back, giving him just that much more ground to place his soft attacks. He growled against your skin when your sounds grew high pitched, unbelievable gratification consuming his body - driving him further. 
This was perfect, this was all he ever wanted this- “Ah, Bucky!” This was wrong. 
And Steve was reminded of what he was doing right now. His hands retracted immediately, but you clung to his neck like glue. “Please,” you whimpered and his head fell back into you like an instinct, the urge to bring you pleasure too strong to stop his movements entirely. 
But, fuck, he was an awful person. 
With trembling hands and a stinging in his chest, he stepped back from you. Your eyes stared at him in confusion, desperate for anything - pleasure, closure. And Steve wanted to give it all to you. But he wasn’t allowed to. He was Steve - your boyfriend’s best friend. A terrible one, too. 
“I’m... I’m so sorry,” he stuttered through the glossy shimmer forming in his eyes. 
“What?” Shit. Steve turned before you could see the first tear fall from his eyes. He couldn’t bear seeing your face any longer - that beautiful, innocent face with so much irritation and sadness poisoning its features. You didn't deserve this, you didn’t deserve to be pulled into this mess by him. It was wrong, so fucking wrong.
Steve sped towards the lab immediately, barely missing Bucky on his way out of the glass doors. But Bucky merely sent a nod his way, leaving Bruce to greet him with an exhausted smile. 
“You need to do something. Now.”
❁ ❁ ❁
“Hey.”
“Oh, hey.”
Bucky turned around to see you standing in the doorway, a big smile instantly settling on his face. You looked beautiful, he thought every time he saw you - especially after a mission that lasted for several days in which he did not get to see you. 
His fingers itched to reach out to you, pull you into him and just kiss your pretty face, but once he caught his left arm lifting, and missing the sleek black gleam he was so used to, Bucky was reminded that he needed to behave differently now. 
He hadn’t told you about the accident yet. Bruce seemed to know what he was doing, so Bucky was just hopeful the issue would be resolved soon. Until then, he needed to cope with the constant panic surging through him at his and Steve’s states. 
The desk chair squeaked when he tuned to you, watching as you roamed about Steve’s office and eyed the sketch he had framed on the cupboard. That’s when he noticed your posture - how your shoulders were slightly hunched, your head a little lower than usual, and a faint frown hiding behind the hairs falling into your face. 
“What’s wrong, doll?” He stood up wanting to approach you but remembering his place again. Now he was just standing there, helpless and unsure of what to do as he watched you toy with the edges of the notebook laying in front of you. 
You sighed. “Bucky is being weird... I hope he’s okay but he wouldn’t talk to me.” You glanced at him shortly and the corners of your mouth jerked downward. “I thought maybe... I don’t know, maybe you know what’s going on.” You stared at him hopefully. “Did something happen on the mission?”
I’m right here, baby. And I would be so much better if I could tell you.
Bucky willed his thoughts silent, finally stepping forward and placing his hand on your shoulder.
“It was a long mission, give him some time to rest...” God, he hated lying to you. But it was for the best. He didn’t want you to worry any more than you already did, as much as it hurt to see you this clueless. 
Bucky could only imagine how exhausting this whole ordeal was for Steve. He was going through the same thing, but Steve had to juggle you - or as it seemed, ignore you - on top of it. The friends still hadn’t talked about what to do. There had just seemed to be a common understanding settled between them, and that was to keep as many people out of this as possible. 
Still, Bucky wondered how his best friend was doing. This was an unusual situation, and he cared for him just as much as he did for you. 
“Maybe you’re right.” You turned to him with a saddened face. “But I can’t help but feel like there is something else bothering him. I just want him to be okay...”
“We both do, doll.” Bucky couldn’t help it, he pulled you into his chest by your wrist - hoping it would be less intimate than by your waist like he always did - and tugged your head beneath his chin. 
He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding once your body molded against his, the familiar feeling of content mixing with the underlying tension he had been plagued with since the mission. That was what he had needed. To feel you again, touch you, have your arms hug him to your body, and be entranced by your perfume again. 
It was hard not to kiss your hair, or inhale your shampoo too obviously when he held you like this. It was what he always did when he was Bucky - but now he was Steve. And Bucky never imagined he could hate being Steve so much. 
He shook the thought immediately, focusing on you and squeezing you tight one more time before he let you go. He missed your touch the second you retracted your arms, sending a weak smile up to him. Oh, how he’d love to kiss that frown away, to touch you until he heard that beautiful laugh of yours again. But he couldn’t do it, he was not allowed to - he was Steve.
“Thank you, Steve.”
“Anytime.” He smiled reluctantly as he watched you leave with mixed feelings. 
Bucky didn’t know how much longer he could endure this.
❁ ❁ ❁
“Thank fucking God!” Bucky exclaimed as he padded down his body - his own body. 
It had been two weeks. Two weeks of constant worry and agony, lonely nights, and the pressure of keeping this ridiculous secret. But Bruce had finally done it. Bucky didn’t know how - and it wasn’t super important to him either - but he was glad he finally had his own body back. 
“You did it!” Steve stated with mild enthusiasm. He wasn’t sure if it made any difference anymore. He didn’t hate himself less for what had happened. But at least, now, he didn’t need to worry about making the mistake again. 
Bruce just responded with a proud shrug, a blush almost forming on his cheeks before his smile fell again. 
That’s when you entered the lab with a pile of manila folders in your hand. 
“What’s going on in here?” You asked, excited to experience a light atmosphere in a room both Steve and Bucky were in. It had been different for a couple weeks now, and Bucky was still acting weird, but something told you, he was getting better. Well, maybe the laugh you had heard from the hallways had, but now he was just staring at you as Bruce did. 
“What? Am I interrupting something? I just wanted to give you these files, Banner, I-” you trailed off when your eyes wandered from the men to the desk you had halted next to, a wild array of papers and opened digital files littering the work area as you placed your addition there as well. 
You had always been a fast reader - a talent that came in handy more times than one would think - so your eyes scanned the documents in haste, collecting keywords and notes until they landed on a particularly concise one: Possible body switch triggers. What the hell? Super Soldiers. Consciousness. Machine. Serum. Third vessel for transfer. What the hell what the hell what the hell?!
You looked up, willing the confusion to the back of your mind as you pierced Bruce with a cold stare. “A body switch project? Really, Bruce? It’s not like we’re already down one person since Peter decided to test out his new jet-pack prototype.”
Bruce didn’t say anything. Instead, Bucky stepped forward with a reasoning tone. “Baby-“
“And you.” Your finger pointed at him. “I thought you were smarter. First, you’re acting all weird, and now you’re calling me ‘baby’ again,” you stated plainly, crossing your arms. Steve swallowed thickly, watching the interaction between you and Bucky play out with his lip between his teeth. “What- is this why you were behaving so weird? Are you in on this? Are you seriously participating as a lab rat?”
“I... we...” Bucky frantically searched the room for his teammates’ support, trailing off when everyone avoided his eyes. Traitors.
“Who is switching bodies? And why couldn’t you tell me?” The room had gotten silent, but you weren’t about to back down. You wanted answers, especially when the people you cared about did stupid things that risked their lives more than their job already did. You scanned each of them carefully, assessing which one was to break first under your solid stare. Steve was wringing his hands, his eyes trained on the ground - nervous, maybe, scared. 
Bruce was sweating bullets. He hated being in fussy situations, always tense to keep the big guy down. He would speak first - de-escalation was his second nature… well, apart from the escalating one.
Bucky had his jaw wired shut, a frequent side eye assessing the state of his fellow coworkers carefully. Nobody wanted to break it to you. Especially since they had hidden the switch from you for two weeks. You weren’t big on betrayal and everyone knew it.
“They-“ Bruce started but was shut up by Bucky’s death stare quickly. How dare he do him so dirty?
“You were saying?” You zeroed in on the scientist, a hopeful yet clueless look on your face, but Bruce was too scared of Bucky to continue. He hated lying to you, everyone did.
But you wouldn’t budge, staring him down, challenging him to break the silence. What was so bad about something that hadn’t even happened yet?
But then a deep voice sounded from the other corner of the room. “Bucky and I did.” Less steady than usual and still avoiding your eyes, Steve let his hands fall to his sides. “On accident...”
And Bucky sighed, half relieved, half angry at his friend. 
“What? When?”
“On the last mission,” Bruce chimed in, just to earn another stink eye from Bucky.
“The last mission two weeks ago? Two Weeks?!”
“I wanted to tell you, okay? But we thought it was best if we kept it a secret... for everyone’s sake.” The brunette super soldier stepped forward, his hands showing surrender when he moved into your personal space.
“And you didn’t think to include me? Your girlfriend?” You looked at him appalled. Why the hell did he not say anything? Would you have ever known had you not walked in on- 
“I'm sorry.” Your breath hitched when Bucky pulled you into his arms, placing a firm kiss on your head before burying his face in your neck again. 
Because that was when you realized - when you remembered - the last time it had happened. 
Steve finally dared to look up at the couple in front of him only to find you staring at him over his best friend’s shoulder. 
You knew. 
Steve could see it in your eyes - that look you were giving him made him shudder. There was slight confusion in your stare, a little sadness, too. You knew, but Steve knew you wouldn’t lose a word over it. 
He tore his longing stare from you and looked down bashfully, ticking his jaw before he could say or do anything stupid. That’s when he felt the sorrow covering his senses again, the hurtful pull on his heart that he had become so used to at the sight of you in Bucky’s arms. 
He’s had you once, got to taste you once - and it was one time too many, he reminded himself.
And even though it hurt, he found comfort in the familiarity the feeling held.
Wanna be added to the taglist?
@circe143 @valkyrie418 @mirikusashes @noideawhyimdoingthislol @nikkitc0703 @lethallyprotected @erynnnn @misshale21 @wattpaduser200 @buckyseddie @adoreyouusugar @fangirl-swagg @mi-amoree1111 @lastwandastan @royalwritersoftheuniverses @dinwifey @stuckysgirl27 @broadwaybabe18 @buckybarnessimpp @goodkittyspost @simpxinnie @almosttoopizza @sociallyimpairedme @i-l-y-3000 @mrsgweasley @prettylittlepluviophile @wintermischief @supersecretblogformytreasures @fridayiaminlove @justafangir1 @bisexual-buckyfan
687 notes · View notes
rogersideup · 2 months
Text
。°✩ ♊︎ The Gemini♊︎ ✩ °。
Tumblr media
Chapter 6
Little Birdie
Series masterlist
Previous part: Rearview next part: Twinkles
Word Count: 7,800
Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. Mentions and descriptions of sexual acts, anxiety, and sever depression.
Tumblr media
One week.
Steve made it one whole week without you.
It was one of the longest weeks of his life.
Every day for seven days straight he needed Bucky to convince him not to text or call you. That conversation usually happened as Steve paced around his living room, while Bucky sat on his couch, threatening to get up and rip the phone out of his hands.
He couldn't even text you outside of work hours considering you blocked his number from being able to do so, but that still didn't stop the itch he felt to just see your name on his phone screen again.
Both boys were in agreement that Steve eventually should reach out and try to fix the damage that was done, because if your situation at the compound needed to get better just for the chance that you would stay, you at least needed your best friends back. But Bucky knew you deserved time and space away from all of the drama to really process it and figure out how you wanted it to end.
Bucky also knew a week of no contact with Steve would help the both of you stop fueling the fire. The harsh words would settle, reflecting back on the situation wouldn't feel as dramatic, and maybe now Steve would finally find the right words without the sight of you every day.
Plus, he would be damned if he let Steve have a conversation this serious with you over the phone.
Sure, both boys were extremely worried about you. There were a few times Bucky wanted to call and check up on you too, but he knew his own feelings shouldn't come before yours right now.
Meanwhile, the week did you wonders. You spent your days reconnecting with everything you used to love. Your favorite restaurants in the area, old friends you barely got to see now that you lived so far, the old yoga studio you attended 4 times a week, and seeing your family every day was healing in ways you didn't even know your heart could reach.
Filling the mornings and afternoons with everything you loved was important, but you knew better than to completely disregard the real issues at hand. So every night you'd go on a walk to the pretty park a few blocks from your childhood home, and meditate under the moon.
With the one airpod you had left, you'd let music shuffle and allow the lyrics to guide your thoughts. Some were a little to sad to bare, others were so on the nose you couldn't help but to listen over and over again while allowing the words to comfort you like a hug you've really been needing.
You and Steve were still friends and shared a playlist on your favorite music streaming app. Every night at the park you could see he was listening to sad music, and knew he could see you doing the same. Dramatic? Maybe. Were the sad melodies making you feel understood and less alone? Absolutely.
Eventually he got brave and while you sat under the moon and admired the stars, your headphones read the newest notification.
Steve Rogers added new song to playlist: Little Freak by Harry Styles.
You sighed, but against your better judgement you let the song play to understand what he was trying to say to you. Though the song was familiar to you, all this music was new to Steve. He loved listening to all your favorite artists and bonding over the modern music. The message was loud and clear when you heard it.
"I was thinking about who you are, your delicate point of view, I was think about you. I'm not worried about where you are or who you will go home too, I'm just thinking about you. I disrespected you, jumped in feet first and I landed too hard. Broken ankle, karma rules."
You knew deep down that you shouldn't give him the satisfaction of a response. He didn't deserve to be invading your sacred space, he knew how much music meant to you. But on the other hand, he deserved to know how much he hurt you. If he got to send you a message through song, you deserved to speak your mind too.
So you added a new song to the playlist as well. My Tears Ricochet by Taylor Swift.
"Even on my worst day, did I deserve babe, all the hell you gave me? Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you till my dying day. I didn't have it in myself to go with grace. You're the hero flying around saving face. If I'm dead to you why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed? Look at how my tears ricochet."
After that, your phone was silent and nothing else was added to your playlist. You could see he listened to the song, then once it was over he was no longer active on the app.
You'd usually let your mind really reflect on what happened and what you wanted going forward, but you found that Steve took up most of your thoughts, and what to do about your career always came second to him.
It seems like your Mom and Dad's advice always leaned towards joining the Avengers. But why wouldn't it? All they ever wanted for you was to find something you love and run as far as you could with it.
Jane would've preferred you leave the field completely. You knew the nature of your job left her in a permanent state of unease about your safety, but you always reassured her that you were in good hands so you'd be okay.
Nathan was a little more understanding that not everything was so black and white, so he played devils advocate for all sides, and of course Luca wanted you to join the Avengers.
Hearing all of their perspectives was helpful to see the bigger picture, but at the end of the day, only Jane and Nathan knew the extent of what happened. You kept the whole Steve and Bucky situation away from your parents for the same reason you kept it away from Luca, you didn't want to ruin the illusion of a superhero for them.
Also.... Your parents really didn't need to know the nitty gritty on your escapades with the winter soldier.
All good things came to an end, especially having your whole family under one roof. After a whole week together, Jane, Nathan, and Luca had to go home to get back to their own life, while your mom and dad left to go on a few day vacation they had planned months ago. So it left you, and the family dog, Rocket, you happily agreed to take care of in their absence.
It was actually kind've nice to have time to yourself. You filled the day with morning yoga, brunch with a friend, some journaling and therapy, and a much needed nap. As the sun went down, you threw a toy around the house to try and get Rocket's energy out but it didn't help much. So after you cooked and ate dinner, you grabbed a tennis ball and walked him a few blocks to the park.
Luckily he was allowed off leash, and there was one other dog there for a little while that took an immediate liking to him, so they ran around and tuckered each other out while you sat on the grass and watched.
Eventually his little friend left, so it left just the two of you, the tennis ball, and the twinkling stars above head.
As lame as it felt to admit, the small spotty brown dachshund filled your soul with so much joy that you couldn't wipe the smile off your face. Throwing the ball, and watching his little legs carry him so far, so fast with tiny little hops was definitely one of the cutest things you've seen in a while.
He was a brave and trusting little creature in most aspects of life, but when the rumble of an approaching motorcycle got a little too loud for his liking, Rocket came running back to your side with his tail between his legs.
Sitting by your side, you picked him up and held him close to your chest while speaking calming words to him that he definitely didn't understand. You pressed little kisses to his forehead, and he licked your cheek in return causing you to laugh.
Feeling a little annoyed that the motorcycle pulled into the parking area for the park you were occupying on your own, you stayed vigilant of your surroundings. Fully prepared to leave when the man got off the bike, you set Rocket down and started reaching for his leash before the dog started running towards the man who was now walking towards the both of you.
"Hey! Rocket, no!" You jumped up from your spot to chase after the irrationality fast weenie. Tail wagging, and happy wiggles took over his little body as he hopped up on his back two legs to greet the stranger. "I'm so sorry! He usually never does this, I don't know why he's... oh."
I'm front of you stood none other than Steve Rogers himself, looking delectable and cozy in a cute teal crewneck and some casual pants with sneakers on. You immediately had a billion and one questions, but he was very obviously taken by Rocket who was also very obviously taken by Steve. There was a serious love as first sight situation happening as Steve leaned down with a big smile on his face to say hi to the little dog.
"It's okay!" Steve giggled, squatting down to get closer to Rocket. "He soooo stinkin' cute!"
"What are you doing here?" You asked, feeling throughly confused, and immediately feeling a little defensive and protective.
When he looked up at you, your arms crossed over your chest as a form of self soothing. It had been so long since you felt this uncomfortable energy, and having it ripple through your body once more felt like reconnecting with an old friend.
"Oh, I was just in the area." Steve said sarcastically, nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders.
"Right." You agreed. "Casually in the area two hours away from home... on a motorcycle?"
"An hour and 45 minutes is only an hour and 20 on a bike." Steve noted with a shy smile.
"And how did you know that this area you so happened to be in was the same place I was, even though I never told anyone where I was?" You tilted your head to the side.
"Oh, it's easy. A little birdie told me." Steve noted.
"What was the bird's name?"
"That's not important." He denied, still smiling at the dog but standing to his full height.
"I don't know, feels kind've important to me." You hated that you had to hold back a smile as you looked at him. And you hated even more that you couldn't stop thinking about how stupidly cute he looked with helmet hair and a cozy crewneck on.
"Do you want to sit and chat?" Steve asked, suddenly seeming nervous. "...if not that's fine we can talk a different time if you want."
"You came all this way just to talk?" You questioned.
Steve swallowed nervously as he nodded.
“You could've called me." You challenged.
"Sometimes I think the old fashioned way of doing things is better." He shrugged. "...Also you blocked my phone number after work hours."
You sighed and pointed to your blanket on the grass. "Sit."
He quickly nodded and obeyed your orders. He sat first, and you sat next to him, Rocket trailed behind with the tennis ball in his mouth before happily handing it to Steve.
"Who is this little guy?" Steve asked, throwing the ball for him.
"Rocket"
"Like the raccoon?"
“No, he's my parent's dog. They just thought the name suited him. But they're out of town for the next 3 days so he's mine until then." You explained.
"I heard you spent some time with your family. You look a lot happier, do you feel better?"
"So Jane was the birdie who told you where I was." You noted.
"Will not confirm nor deny."
"Mmm" you hummed, reading between the lines. "Yes, it was very nice spending time with people who love me. I do feel a lot better, but it's going to take a lot longer than a week to heal from everything that happened."
"Of course it will, but all that matters is that it's getting a little better everyday." Steve noted. "I don't know if this helps, but I think I put the fear of the devil into Harvey and all his friends. Should you choose to come back, I don't think they would be an issue for you anymore."
"Do I even want to know what you did to them?" You asked.
"I don't think the details really matter too much right now." Steve shrugged once more.
A very uncomfortable silence fell over the two of you, so you threw the ball for Rocket this time.
"Would you like to talk about the hard stuff?" Steve raised.
"Can't we just talk about the weather?" You complained, dreading the inevitable.
"It's pretty chilly out tonight." Steve noted. "You're not cold?"
"Nope." You exaggerated the P at the end of the word.
"Good chat." Steve giggled at the astronomical amount of discomfort and awkwardness you were exuding. "This is never going to get better if we don't talk about it."
"I haven't cried in a few days." You told him. "I'm dreading losing my streak."
"Crying is healthy, and so is expressing emotions." Steve told you. "For example, I really missed you and I've been worried about you for a while now, so I'm here to express that."
"Oh, so you weren't just in the area?" You questioned.
"I took my motorcycle to get to you as fast as I could, because I waited a whole week and every single day that passed by without me giving you a much needed apology was killing me slowly with an amount of guilt I didn't even know was possible for a human being to feel. So no, I was absolutely nowhere near the area."
"Was that the apology?"
"No." Steve denied. "I'm really sorry for everything that's happened. I feel like every interaction I've had with you this past month has been a really bad reflection of my character. I should've went about the whole situation with a lot more logic and understanding, and I should've just listened to you and Bucky before letting anger get the best of me. It wasn't fair to you."
Your eyes stayed fixed on Rocket as he hopped around the grass, he watched you slowly nod while processing his words. "I never meant to hurt your feelings, and if I knew back then what I knew now, Bucky and I would've never..."
"I know." Steve saved you from having to finish that statement. "And our last training was just... completely unacceptable. I wish there was a logical explanation as to why I was so upset that day. Quite honestly, every time I even start to think about it I feel just horribly embarrassed and completely mortified. I'm sorry for not listening to you and telling you that I didn't care. I'm sorry for scaring you and completely breaking your trust. Most importantly I'm really fucking sorry for hurting you. I should've listened better and walked you to medical the second you said something, and the fact that I only made it worse has kept me awake every night since it happened."
"Bucky said you were having a tough few days." You noted.
"It doesn't matter." Steve declined. "I need to do better than that, and I will. You were having some really hard days too, but you never used it as a reason to treat me like shit."
“I was pretty shitty to you."
"But within reason."
"I told you to ignore my existence, called you some not so nice names, yelled at you a few times..."
"Because I pushed you to that level of anger."
"The fact of the matter is that you felt that way because you felt disregarded and disrespected by Bucky and I, and for that, I'm sorry too." You apologized. "I know you weren't interested in hearing me out before when this all happened, and at the time none of the words really came out right. So if you're open to it, I feel like I'd really like a chance to explain the choices I made."
"Of course." Steve practically whispered with a subtle nod, throwing the ball once more for the dog. "But don't feel obligated to. I don't think I would've come all this way if I hadn't already forgiven you."
"This is never going to get better if we don't talk about it." You used his own words against him.
"Ah, so you do think we could make it better?" Steve asked.
"Why wouldn't I want it to get better?"
Steve sighed. "You made it pretty clear in a few different ways that you didn't want me as a friend or even around you at all anymore. A big part of me was expecting you to turn me away for good when I showed up here."
"Oh... sorry." You mumbled sadly, suddenly feeling bad about all the words you shouted at him out of pure, hot red anger.
"S'okay."
"Growing up, I was never really the center of attention for anything. I was never good at anything, I got straight B's in school, I had 2 friends at most. Even as I got older and went through high school I wasn't paid much attention to. I never had a boyfriend, I struggled a lot to make friends, once I even went to my teacher to ask him a question 4 months into senior year and he thought I was a new student even though I had been sitting in the second row of his class every single day."
"...yikes." Steve cringed.
"Yikes is right." You agreed. "I never thought I would exceed at anything at all in life. My big plans were finding a 5-9 desk job to make ends meet then just keep going until I didn't have to anymore. Then I discovered the joy of helping people, realized maybe I'm not all that bad at it, and before I knew it I was at Shield. Then all of the sudden I went from never getting much attention my entire life, to having all eyes on me at all times. I was being held to impossibly high standards, the boys wouldn't leave me alone, it felt like regardless of where I was in the building, there was this big huge spotlight on me."
Rocket had finally gotten too tired to play with his ball, so he came back to you and Steve, and laid down right next to Steve's leg. "Even I was hearing about you before you had made it to high enough ranks to work with me."
"Getting no male attention your whole life will kind've mess you up a bit, but going from no male attention to getting thrown into the compound where only a handful of other women work will mess you up a lot."
"Like throwing a zebra into a pack of lions."
"Even that feels like an understatement." You grinned. "Harvey was the first guy I met that didn't feel like he was going to eat me alive, so I stuck with him."
"He was your first boyfriend?" Steve asked, sounding genuinely appalled.
"He was my first everything." You admitted shyly. "I thought he was one of the good ones, like that one boy you waited your whole life for. But obviously I was stupid, and that turned out to be one of the bigger mistakes of my life."
"He's the stupid one, not you." Steve denied.
"When I met you and Bucky, it was a big breath of fresh air. You guys helped me realize that Harvey was bad for me, but at that point I was already convinced he would be the only guy who would ever be stupid enough to fall in love with me. So I stayed way longer than I should've, but in the meantime I felt like I had opened up to you and Bucky far more than I ever had to Harvey. We started training together and talking more, and at that point I felt like I had given you so much more of myself than I had ever given anyone else in my life. Which I know sounds odd, but we were having these really good conversations that made me feel really vulnerable but in a good way, and we had built so much trust and understanding of each other that I never had to question what your intentions were when you were around."
Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. That was the only word Steve could think of at the moment. How he felt, how he treated you, how he made you feel, he was an asshole.
"I'll spare you details, but after Harvey and I officially called it quits obviously I was really fucking sad. I wanted to see you, but you were away on a mission and I just needed to be with a friend so I went to Bucky's place instead. I had all of this new found freedom, paired with this gut wrenching feeling that I was going to be alone and unloved for the rest of my life, and a good friend in front of my face who was just so kind and gentle...things just happened. I wasn't the one to initiate, but I definitely didn't put a stop to it because for once it was really nice to feel wanted. We didn't even kiss or see each other naked, it felt like less of a big deal to me and far less vulnerable or intimate than most of the stunts and challenges I let you guide me through in training. Bucky and I weren't trying to be malicious and we had no bad intentions in our choice to not tell you, I was just afraid that you wouldn't understand and that you'd take it the wrong way. Which, with all due respect, you didn't understand and by the time I even got a chance to try to explain it to you, we were both so angry and defensive that none of the words would come out right."
Working up the courage to look at Steve to gauge any sort of emotional reaction from him, his face was full of remorse as his eyes stayed set on the dog as his hands gently pet his long body and scratched the top of his head.
You took the chance to take a deep breath and let your palm sink into the fluffy park grass, one last ditch effort to ground yourself before the getting into the hardest part of the conversation. "That fear of misunderstanding and miscommunication is exactly why you didn't tell me or Bucky or anyone for that matter that you liked me. And just like how the information about what Bucky and I did got to you in the wrong way at the wrong time, that information got to me in the very wrong way at the very wrong time. And just like you, I didn't understand, and I felt hurt and betrayed because of it."
You watched Steve's cheeks turn red before he hid his face in his hands and let out a groan, earning a little smile from you that he couldn't even see. "Can we just talk about the weather again?"
"Sure thing." You agreed. "I think I lied to you on accident, because now I am kind've cold."
"Wow I'll never forgive you." He joked dryly, mumbling into the palms of his hands.
"That's okay, we can add it to the list of dumb shit we gotta talk through." You giggled. "Well, seems like that covers the weather category again. Are you ready to come out of hiding?"
He peeked one eye out between his fingers. "No. I kind've wish the floor would swallow me whole right now."
"Wow, I didn't think that you had a weak spot, but I found it." You enthused.
Although it was at much too high a cost, seeing a genuine smile on your face for the first time in over a month was like a big breath of fresh air to Steve.
"I'm not covering my ears, I can still hear you perfectly fine. Please continue." He grumbled.
"Just to put you out of your misery and conclude that horrifically long sob story I just subjected you to..." You started. "I was only hurt in that moment because after fooling around with Bucky and getting the information that you liked me sprung on me, it felt like I had lost the only two people in the compound who didn't see me as or treat me like an object of some weird sexual fantasy. Part of me even felt mad and embarrassed at myself for believing that we could've been friends without you guys seeing me that way. Plus, I had all those people in the compound already saying the only reason I was getting so far in my career was because I was sleeping with you, and I so desperately didn't want them to be right. So, all of that being said, I'm sorry too, I should've never been so mean to you. I'm sorry that Bucky and I hurt you, I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions and not letting you explain yourself while accusing you of things you'd never do."
"Like I said earlier, I already forgave you." Steve slowly let his hands fall from his face, cheeks still stained a pretty pink color.
"That doesn't mean you don't deserve an apology." You reminded him. "We both hurt each other, it's not fair for you to take all the blame."
"I feel like I'm going to throw up" Steve took a deep breath.
"Don't do that" you shook your head. "Please don't throw up."
"I hope you know that our friendship has always meant a lot to me, and absolutely none of it was a scheme to sleep with you." Steve braved through the hard part of the conversation he absolutely wished he never had to think about again.
"Yeah, I do now." You reassured him. "I'm sorry I said that."
"I really just didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable." Steve explained. "Especially in an environment where you were already getting eaten alive. Plus I was your boss, and you had Harvey, and I didn't want to ruin our friendship... and, yeah, I dunno. It was just a mess. I didn't tell Bucky because I didn't want him to tell me to tell you. He figured it out on his own, by the way. Apparently my eyes twinkle too much, whatever that means."
"I'm not uncomfortable, and yeah, you do have really twinkly eyes." You grinned.
"I guess that's your fault" Steve jokingly sassed.
"Oh so now we're pointing fingers?" You took fake offense.
"From this point on, I'd really like it if everyone could just ignore the twinkle in my eyes so we can all get back to being friends like we were before." Steve said, giving you a really easy escape to officially denying him.
"But I think the twinkles are so pretty!" You enthused, giggling when you could practically see his heart drop.
"You shouldn't be saying things like that when you know I already feel like throwing up." Steve shook his head and clutched his stomach.
"But I mean it." You confirmed. "Knowing what I know now, why would we ever go back to being how we were before?"
Steve swallowed thickly, then his hands started exaggerated movements to further get his point across. "I'm trying to give you an easy way out of telling me you don't want me back in the same way."
"I understand, but that wouldn't be true." You giggled. "I do remember you stating very clearly that you aren't my boss anymore, am I remembering that correctly?"
"No, technically I'm not you b-" He rambled quietly.
"Do we think this would do anything to harm our sweet little Bucky boy?"
"No. He's been going out with Natasha and has been trying to get me to ask y-"
"You we're so kind as to cut me some deals, so I've got one for you too. Let's take some time to let everything settle and heal over, then when the time is right, we'll explore more of that little twinkle, alright?"
"Okay." Steve nodded wide eyed and enthusiastic.
"Yeah? Are you going to throw up?" You questioned with a smile.
"Maybe only a little bit." He continued nodding.
"I guess that's better than a lot-a-bit" you justified.
"So we're okay?" Steve asked, twinkly eyed and puppy dogged face.
"We're okay." You confirmed. "Can I give you a hug? You look like you really need it."
Steve opened his arms for you, and you both had to awkwardly lean over Rocket who was instantly stayed tucked next to his leg. Embracing him tightly, you realized just how badly you needed it too.
Both unwilling to let go for a little while, you took the time to appreciate his body heat that was a stark difference between the cold air outside.
"I'm sorry." Steve quietly apologized again.
"It's okay. I'm sorry too." You accepted. "I really missed you, Stevie."
"I missed you too, Bug. I've been so worried about you lately." One of his hands was very sweetly rubbing your back.
"Sorry." You sighed. "I've been trying my best."
"I know. That doesn't make me worry any less."
"I love you." You reminded him for the first time in a while.
Steve relaxed and let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding onto. "I love you more."
Although you could've hugged him forever, the two of you mutually unwrapped yourself from each other.
"How is your shoulder?" He questioned remorsefully.
"Oh, it's fine." You told him. "It feels so much better. I've been doing yoga all week and it's held up nicely."
"Good, that's good." He nodded. "And have you put any thought into what you're going to do about your job?"
"Everyone seems to want me to do something different." You sighed. "I've been coming here almost every night just to think about it. It's really nice that the sprinklers don't turn on at 10 pm."
“What do you want to do?"
"I think I know what I want, but I'm really scared of making the jump." You explained.
"I'm not here to talk you in or out of anything, I was just curious." Steve grinned. "You still have the rest of the week to think it through. But just know that I have no doubt in your ability to handle a big scary jump"
"I can usually only handle big scary jumps because most of the time, you're down at the bottom waiting to catch me." You admitted.
"Well regardless of what you choose, I'll still always be here for you." Steve reminded you sweetly. "I just hope you do what you think is best for you, and not what other people want you to do."
“That's the thing, I don't think I know what's good for me."
"Are you kidding me? You have great intuition." Steve said. "Your just need to gain back trust for that little voice in your head that's telling you what to do."
"The same voice that bullies me every day?!" You asked with a giggle. "Absolutely not, she gets no say in any of my choices nowadays."
Steve close lipped smiled at you, his dimples setting deep into his chiseled cheeks. "Then forget you even have a brain and listen to your heart."
"She's also been really problematic recently." You noted. "I don't like her very much right now."
His smile turned into a pout. "That sounds like a very tough thing to not like about yourself."
"Tell me about it." You agreed. "But we're working on it."
"Once again, I guess that's all that matters." Steve noted. "So you can't make a big decision with your heart or your head, and your shoulder is out of the question. We're running low on body parts."
"Maybe I'll let Rocket make the choice for me." You grinned at the sleepy dog.
"I think Rocket should be an Avenger... actually, I think Rocket should come home with me and be my dog instead." Steve smiled, petting the dog once more.
"My parents would hunt you down for sport if you ever took this dog." You giggled. "He's their favorite child."
"But I love him!" Steve pouted like a child. "He's just so fucking cute! Have you seen these ears?!"
"No pets allowed at the compound" You reminded him, nudging his arm. "Maybe that's all the more reason to quit."
“I think that's reason to break the rules, not to quit." Steve corrected.
"Captain America suggesting I break the rules?!" You questioned with a gasp.
"Am I not the same man who's whole career was founded off of breaking the law?" Steve questioned right back. "When have I ever followed the rules?"
"Wow, bad to the bone."
"That sounded sarcastic." He noted as his eyebrow raised in question.
"Me? Sarcastic? Never." You denied.
Rocket readjusted to get more comfortable, but crawled into the hole within Steve's crossed legs and curled up into a little ball in his lap, with his head resting on his thigh.
"Okay that's it." Steve declared, fists balling up to keep himself from unleashing his cuteness aggression on the creature in the form of hugging him so tight his eyes popped out of his head like a stress ball. "I can't take this anymore. How bad would your parents beat me up if I stole this dog? Because really, I think I could take the beating."
"I simply cannot express to you how much taking this dog away from my parents is not an option." You laughed at his question. "I think my Mom would run you over with her car."
"No way she would do that." Steve shook his head. "She was so nice when I met her!"
"She would not be nice if you stole her weenie." You pointed out.
"Come on, she gave me a hug. No mom that's giving out free hugs could ever hit me with a car."
"That's where you're wrong. Because any woman that has so much love for her kids would do anything to seek rightful justice if you did anything to fuck with them." You corrected him. "Even if she's five foot nothing, and you're Captain America. Don't mess with her baby."
“Oh no" Steve's eyes went wide.
"What's wrong?"
"Oh shit." He panicked. "Do your parents hate me?"
"No? Why would they hate you?" You questioned with a nervous laugh.
"Because I accidentally fucked with your Mom's baby and now she's going to do anything to seek rightful justice." Steve clutched the fabric of his sweater right over his chest. "The throw up is coming back."
"I didn't tell them anything about you or Bucky, other than that you didn't let me quit right in the spot." You explained. "They love you and all of the Avengers too much for me to ever ruin their perception of the people who make them feel safe."
"So why do they think you're here?" Steve asked.
"I only told them about Harvey and the general issues I'm having with all of the other agents."
"Your sister knows." He said. "She made a weird comment..."
"She always makes weird comments, that's just what makes Jane, Jane." You smiled. "Yes, she knows, but she likes you a lot. I think she even took your side, she's been advocating for you the whole time."
"She's going to tell your mom, and your mom is going to hunt me for sport."
"No she won't, and even if she does find out about it, she's a very rational person. As long as we're fine, she's fine." You explained. "Look I'll prove it to you, say cheese!"
Quickly taking your phone out of your pocket and pointing the camera at Steve and Rocket, he smiled and you snapped a picture. He watched you type away for a few moments.
You sent the picture in a group chat with your mom and dad, then immediately got a response.
"See! Look! I said, look who came by to hang out with your favorite child." You giggled at your screen, turning it towards him so show that you sent them the picture. "My mom responded and said omg, Dad is honored. We don't know who is cuter, Rocket or Captain Rogers."
"Okay now ask if I can steal the dog." His cheeks turned an even brighter shade of pink.
"I thought the point was to make sure my mom liked you" You laughed, locking your phone and putting it on the grass besides you. "Trust that I'm doing you a favor."
"Fine, but I'm not happy about it." He joked.
"I didn't know you felt so passionately about wieners, Steven." You giggled.
"What can I say? There's nothing better than kicking back and playing with a wiener." He ran with your joke.
"A nice, long wiener."
"This is ridiculous" Steve's face scrunched up, earning more of your adorable laughter.
Like no time had passed, you and Steve sat and chatted away for a few hours. You could tell the comfortable conversation was helping him resolve his own internal guilt, so you were happy to stay and chat for as long as he needed. But selfishly, you missed him more than you ever wanted to admit to yourself.
His adorable smile and pretty pink cheeks lit up a part of your heart that you had felt so disconnected from for so long now. And as the night grew colder, and significantly later, he couldn't just ignore the occasional chills that would make you momentarily shiver. You kept ignoring them and playing them off just to spend more time with your sweet friend, but eventually you ended up tucked underneath his arm and snuggled up to his side for warmth while Rocket stayed glued to his lap.
There was little you could do to ignore how comfortable and familiar it felt to be sharing warmth with the soldier. By all means, both Steve and Bucky were touchy people on a normal day to day basis, plus all of the training you did with Steve made you very comfortable with his skin on yours.
But this was different. His head that nestled on top of yours that rested on his shoulder, his big hand on the top of you arm keeping you close and snug against him, paired the gentle and quiet volume in his voice wasn't just friendly.
His hold was apologetic, and almost regretful. It was reconnecting, and mending. You could feel all of his unspoken words seeping out from his warm body to into your cold one, and you wondered if he could feel the same thing happening to him through your timid hand resting between his shoulder blades.
Just based on his calm breaths, but still racing pulse that you could feel on his neck, you knew it was different for him too.
But it was a good different, a hopeful and very exciting different.
Much like your shivers that you ignored and played off, Steve was trying to mask his yawns. Unfortunately, this was something that you couldn't ignore. Especially when you pressed the button on your phone and the screen informed you that it was already 11:52pm.
"As sad as I am to have to put an end to this, it's already almost midnight and your crazy ass drove an hour and a half here on a motorcycle." You reminded him.
"I just got you back, I don't want to leave you again." He pouted.
"I don't want you to leave either, but I'd prefer if you got home safely." Your timid hand now gently rubbing short stripes on his back. "Or you can stay the night with me here if you'd like."
A sleepy grin overtook the sat pout. "Thank you, but once again I don't want your parents to hate me. Plus I have my stupid annual physical in the morning."
"My parents wouldn't hate you, they'd rather you be safe than drive home tired."
"I'm not that tired, I'll be okay." He reassured you. "And you can't come back to the compound?"
"No, I have to watch Rocket." You reminded him. "But I'll see you in a few days at least. I'll be back before the end of the week."
"Oh, you'll be back?" He raised an eyebrow, challenging your statement.
"To give my official resignation at the very least, or to move all of my stuff into the Avengers sector at the very most. Who's to say what's going to happen?" You giggled.
"Well, when you need help moving let me know. I know a couple guys that can lift a few thousand pounds at a time, it helps the process go by really fast." Steve egged you on.
"Uh huh, I'll keep that in mind." You rolled your eyes with a smile, and wrapped your other arm around his front to squeeze him in a sideways hug. "Thanks for coming all the way here. It was really nice getting to have a conversation with you, I really missed spending time together."
"Of course. Thank you for even giving me the chance to explain myself. If I were you, I don't know of I would be able to be that gracious." He squeezed your shoulder in appreciation.
"There isn't much I wouldn't do for you." You grinned.
"Oh yeah? What wouldn't you do?" Steve questioned with a chuckle.
"I won't let you steal my moms dog." You stated. "Which reminds me, I'm going to need that back."
"Okay, I guess you can have him back. " Steve smiled and picked up the little fur-ball from his lap and placed him on yours instead. "Thanks for letting me play with your wiener."
"Feel free to come back and play with my wiener anytime." You laughed at his joke, unwrapping yourself from him as he started standing up.
"What an incredible offer, thank you" Steve smiled, now standing over you and offering you his hand to help you up.
"Like I said, anytime." You playfully winked.
Quickly putting on Rockets leash, you set the dog on the grass and accepted Steve's hand. He pulled you up effortlessly and bent over to grab your blanket from the grass.
"How far away is your parents house?"  Steve questioned, subconsciously folding the blanket.
"About two blocks" You shrugged.
"Can I walk you guys home?" He asked, eyes twinkling once more as he shoved his hands in his front pockets to keep them warm.
"Absolutely not" You denied.
He was immediately pretending to be offended with a big gasp and hand whipped out of his pocket and over his heart. "Ma'am, it is pitch black out here and it's already midnight."
You laughed at his response. "Sir, it's pitch black and midnight. Your motorcycle is right there. I'm not letting you walk me two blocks in a neighborhood I'm familiar with because that means you'll have to walk another two blocks back here all by yourself somewhere you've never been. Logistically it makes no sense."
Steve puffed and furrowed his eyebrows. "What if some creepy dude comes and tries to mess with you? Huh? Then what?"
"Then I use all my big and scary self defense moves that Captain America taught me." You answered. "Also, do you not see this big scary guard dog? Nobody is going to fuck with me."
His pout deepened. "What if you start walking home and some dude on a motorcycle follows you all the way home?"
"Is that what's going to happen?" You giggled at his question.
"If you keep saying you're not going to let me walk you home then maybe it will." Steve shrugged.
"I've been walking by myself this late every single night for a week now." You told him. "It's always been fine, it'll be fine again."
"Now you're just trying to give me a heart attack." Steve deadpanned, earning your laugh once again.
"So I'm a good enough fighter to be an Avenger, but not good enough to walk to my parents house by myself?" You asked.
"Yes, exactly!" Steve enthused. "So glad we could have this conversation to clear that up, come one let's get you home."
His arm linked around yours and he started walking. "I think you're absolutely out of your mind, but I appreciate you nonetheless."
Looking up at his face just in time, you caught his smile. "The second half of that statement is really the only part that matters to me."
Your steps synched up with his, and Rocket walked ahead of the two of you. "Hey, Stevie?"
"Hmm?"
"If you actually want to get me home, we should be walking in the complete opposite direction" You grinned.
Steve stopped and laughed. "Okay, you lead the way."
You did eventually make it home, and only when you stood on the door step did Steve let your arms disconnect.
"Look we made it here and nobody died!" You enthused. "Do you remember how to get back?"
"Of course I do" Steve giggled at your question. "It wasn't even two full blocks."
"Just making sure" you raised your hands in defense. "Are you sure you don't want to stay?"
"I would if I could." His thankful grin showed off the shallow dimples in his cheeks. "See you soon?"
"In a few days" you nodded in confirmation.
He stuck his arms out for one last hug, and you accepted happily. After he let go of you, he bent down to say bye to Rocket.
"Drive save! Text me when you get home." You told him.
Steve's face scrunched up for a second, causing you to look at him in confusion.
"What's wrong?"
"You blocked my phone number" He reminded you with a loud whisper.
"I'll unblock it, but text me when you get home" You giggled.
"Okay great!" Steve smiled big and did a little happy dance. "Goodnight!"
"Goodnight, love you!"
"Love you more!" He waved as he walked down the driveway.
Tumblr media
Next Part: Twinkles
Taglist: @sarangheay @firephotogrl74 @selella @talesofadragon @ss28 @nekoannie-chan @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @spikeluv84 @crazyunsexycool @callmissrogers @xxxalicerogersxx @whore-for-chris-evans @em8rin @mulbsstuff @qalijahbydior @awkotaco24 @buckybarnessimpp @nicoline1998enilocin @buckystevelove @rogersbarber @mybuck @dbnightingale24 @ynstark @sincerelytlh @alexakeyloveloki @mrsevans90 @smhnxdiii @claralovescaptainamerica @hisredheadedgoddess28 @bigtreefest
181 notes · View notes
oozedninjas · 3 months
Note
How do you think the 07 boys would react if the reader died? Like in an accident or killed by shredder or sm? just food for thoughts
They say there are five stages of grief...
Tumblr media
Leonardo will blame himself for it no matter how you die. Did you get sick? He's a ninja. He should have noticed the symptoms as soon as they appeared! Did the Shredder kill you? God, that's his worst nightmare. Because it not only means he failed as a partner, but he also failed as the leader of the team you belonged to. He couldn't protect you, and he can never forgive himself for that.
Denial
There must be some way to rebound it. His mind flashes from here to there, and Leo considers possibilities that in a normal situation would seem delusional. Could Donatello build a time machine? There must be some way to reverse it. There must be. It can't be that you're just... gone.
2. Anger
It's a sheer tough situation because even though he would want to fight recklessly, with no regard for himself, Leo has to be strong for others and continue playing his role as leader and older brother. So he bottles up his feelings; buries them deep until they slowly rot inside him.
When he faces the Shredder again, he notices that there is something different, and for the first time in decades, Shredder fears he may not win. I think Leo would also become rougher with low-ranked criminals, hitting harder than necessary. The terrifying part? It's always perfectly calculated.
Also, his brothers resent his anger during training because he becomes tougher and more demanding. However, it's only because Leo can't afford to lose anyone else. He wouldn't be able to bear it.
3. Bargaining
He should at least be able to compensate your family. Friends. Anyone who loved you as much as he did. Thinking about doing things for people who were close to you brings him a kind of comfort that appeases his anger. It's a way of trying to regain a sense of control over the situation and find a way to cope with his pain.
4. Depression
He'll never again feel the tender caress of your fingertips over his shell, the warmth of your lips pressed against his own, or the sweet melody of your laughter echoing through the lair. The realization grips his heart with an ironclad vice, suffusing his spirit. It's a devastating blow that rends his very soul asunder.
5. Acceptance
But you wouldn't want him to be sad forever. No, in fact, Leo is sure you'd be insisting that he needs to move on. It was okay to feel, to be upset and cry along the way, but it was time to get up. Master Splinter plays a very important role in how Leo slowly recovers himself. One step at a time.
Tumblr media
Donatello: It depends on how you die, but I believe what could drive him insane is if he loses you slowly due to an illness. That would be his personal hell because no matter how hard he tries to change things, researching new methods, creating medications, even biotechnology... nothing seems to yield results. Isn't he supposed to be a genius? What's the point of intellect if it can't use it to save you?!
Denial
"With this cryogenic capsule, I can keep her body intact a little longer," he tells your loved ones, who stare at him, paralyzed by the desperation in his eyes. "I can fix this. I can- I just need more time." But a person is not a machine, and your loved ones did not allow him to experiment.
A machine! That's it! Donatello made a copy of your memory and some parts of your consciousness before your departure; perhaps he could put that into a robot and somehow... maybe with enough effort and the right wires...
2. Anger
It worked, and yet it failed miserably. This thing in front of him looked like you, sounded like you, shared some memories, and yet, it felt utterly empty. How could he insult your memory out of his own desperation?
Donatello smashed his Bo staff into the control center, piercing it completely. He trembled a little as he continued to hold it, buried in the circuits. That night there was a blackout in the lair, and all that could be heard from the lab was the grinding of teeth.
3. Bargaining
It happened to you, but perhaps with all the research and testing, Donatello could prevent someone else from going through the same thing. So, he decided to sell his investigation, using a pseudonym and a couple of computer skills made it no problem to do it all from the lair. For him, it's like gradually adapting to the reality of his loss through these small actions.
4. Depression
To think that a robot could replace you. What the hell was he thinking? Your scent, the softness of your skin, the beautiful way you looked at him when discussing a new discovery, that could never be replicated. The lab, like his heart, felt terribly empty. It was a feeling as suffocating as it was overwhelming: knowing that you would never be there again, that he couldn't see or hear you anymore. Suddenly, he can't breathe.
Burying himself in his work keeps his mind occupied. He doesn't need sleep; he needs to progress with the research. Donatello escapes from every little space that could allow you to somehow appear in his mind.
5. Acceptance
April helped a lot in this part, as she was the one who started bringing you into the conversation with positive things, and Don has small spaces to feel shared nostalgia. April feels the same loss; she understands, and that is extremely comforting.
Over time, the feeling of emptiness left by your memory transitions to a bittersweet sensation, and gradually he allows himself to move forward, remembering you with a smile, with a fondness that embraces him from the bottom of his heart. Donatello learned that every minute counts, and for that reason, he now makes space to spend more time with the people he loves, and who love him in return.
Tumblr media
191 notes · View notes
diejager · 3 months
Note
That room cleaning ask with konig and Horangi was soooo good 😭 I can’t help but feel like if that was me I’d be super depressed if all my things were moved and taken away! How would konig deal with a grumpy avoidant reader? He can’t fuck her if she’s never around right? Like she’s spending barely any time in her room because it just upsets her and more time out with her friends and away from home! How would konig feel about his precious lil stepdaughter not being home for dinner most nights
Cw: DARKFIC, DUB-CON/NON-CON, STEPCEST, smut, misogyny, age difference, tantrum, creampie, spit roasting, double penetration, rough sex, tell me if I missed any.
He… doesn’t know where to go from there or how to fix it. You’re always out, gone from the house he was so used to see you, the place that was filled with calmness and comfort that he’d grown to love. Dinners were deathly silent, your seat cold and vacant, your room left almost untouched by your missing presence, and the house loosing its light from your days spent outside. It was awkward, looking at you mope and glare his way whenever he crossed your path.
Neither König nor Horangi could approach you, they could touch you or indulge in your body, drowning you in pleasure and eating you up like they used to. Every step was met with a slap of your wrist or a hiss, your shoulder scrapping his biceps when you pushed past him and Horangi. You were avoiding them, they learned, you putting your foot down in the weirdest way to keep them away from you. König couldn’t wrap his head around your acts. Why would you even avoid him? Going out of your way to physically hit him when you didn’t dare before.
He only understood when Horangi pulled him aside after you went to bed, explaining how he thought you were mad at all of them for forcing you to throw your collectibles and accessories out. You were lashing out at them for it, a long drawn and petty tantrum you were throwing because you were sad and angered. König let you off with it, ignoring your tantrum, assuming you’d grow out of it after a while, bored and tired of your new schedule you forced yourself into. It was - after all - less comfortable and easy than spending time with them at home, taking all the cock both he and Horangi could give and stuffing your stretched cunt and ass with all the cum you’d ever want! 
But when you hadn’t, nearing a whole month, Horangi took it upon himself to start the conversation, gripping your bicep and moving you to the living room after your mother left. It started off with you bickering with them, snapping and spitting venom to the towering men, neither of them hands expected you to lash out so violently, rarely seeing such vitriol from you. Fortunately, it was an issue easily fixed: by bending you over the armrest and fucking you into König’s big cock, the heavy and musky girth choking you up whenever Horangi snapped his hips. 
All your whining and squirming stopped with the right nudge of his cock, shutting you up for good until you decided to open your mouth. They took turns with you, rolling you back and froth from your back and stomach to look at your teary and dazed eyes when you were split in half, and to watch your cunt swallow up their cock and your swollen clit twitching. König was glad to see that you were back to your usual the next day, pouting and mumbling under your breath while you limped through the house. 
Taglist: @sae1kie @yeoldedumbslut @bvxygriimes @distracteddragoness @konigsblog @daisychainsinknots @0alk0msan @danielle143 @tuttifuckinfruttifriday @notspiders @brokenpieces-72 @petwifed @randominstake @cassiecasluciluce @hayleybarnesx @shironasumi @lucienbarkbark @sparky--bunny @bloobewy @223princess @maylovesyousomuch @infpt-zylith @sweetnanah @aldis-nuts @evolutionarry
180 notes · View notes