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peterparkers-bad-youtube-apology · 2 years

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Baby Blues

Pairing: Mob!Tom x Reader

Warnings: angst, postpartum struggles, anxiety

Summary: You’re struggling to get back to normal after the birth of your son

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“Tom please,” you groaned in frustration, “Please just stay a little longer. I just need you to keep an eye on him while I shower.”

“Darling I can’t, I’ve got to get to this meeting,” he kissed your forehead and gave you a sympathetic smile, “I know you’re worried, but he’s sleeping. He won’t notice if you slip away for a moment and take a shower.”

“Tom he’s too young, I can’t leave him on his own yet.”

“I’m not saying leave him alone, just leave the bathroom door open so you can hear him if he starts crying,” he cupped your face, “I’ve really got to get going alright? I promise I won’t be long though. If you're really that worried just wait until I get back.”

“O-Okay,” you blushed, “Have a good meeting.”

“Thank you Peach,” he kissed both of your cheeks and then your lips, “I’ll let you know when I’m on my way back.”

You sighed, watching as he disappeared out the door, leaving you alone with the baby once again. Luca was sleeping peacefully in his bassinet, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to leave him alone there, even if you were just a few feet away in the shower. You were too worried that he would roll onto his stomach or somehow hurt himself. So instead of showering you laid on the bed and watched him sleep in the bassinet. You held one of his hands while he slept, massaging the back of his soft hand with your thumb.

It was nice, relaxing even, but he didn’t stay asleep for long. Luckily he wasn’t in a fussy mood and after a quick diaper change he was happy to lay on the bed while you cooed at him. Relief flooded over you when Tom finally returned home, you couldn’t wait to shower and finally take a few minutes to yourself. Feeling good about yourself had been a struggle since giving birth, and not being able to spend much time on self care certainly didn’t help.

“Tom,” you smiled happily as he entered your bedroom, “I’m so glad you're home.”

“Ah, me too Peach,” he pressed his lips to your and turned his attention to Luca, “How’s the little monster? Not giving you too much trouble I hope.”

“He’s good, I just hanged him, he might get hungry soon,” you began explaining, “You can just grab me if you need me.”

“I can handle it,” he assured you as he scooped Luca out of your arms, “I’m sorry I made you wait love, I want you to go take a nice, long, relaxing shower to make up for it.”

You let out a deep breath and nodded, “I-I will. Just come get me if he needs something.”

“I will,” he kissed you again before he began to coo at the boy in his arms, “Come on little devil, let’s give mommy a little break,” he peaked up at you, “Go on love, I’ve got him.”

You nodded and took another deep breath before you disappeared into the bathroom. You took a long and very hot shower that left you feeling very clean and very relaxed, at least until you left the bathroom. Tom and Luca were no longer in the bedroom where you’d left them, and it instantly sent your mind into a panic. Worriedly you ran to the nursery, but they weren’t in there either. Your heart was pounding and your mind was in overdrive, you were nearly in tears when you threw open Tom’s office door. At last you found them, Tom was seated at his desk with Luca’s bassinet right beside him.

Tom glanced up at you, a frown coming to his lips when he noticed how upset you looked, “What’s wrong Peach?”

You flushed angrily and stomped over to the bassinet. You lifted Luca out of it and cradled him to your chest, “You can’t just run off with him like that Tom!” you snapped as you rocked the boy in your arms, “How could you do that?!”

He went wide eyed, “I didn’t run off with, I just brought him to my office. We were only a few meters from you.”

“But I didn’t know where he was!” tears welled up in your eyes as you yelled at him, Luca started to bawl almost instantly, “A-And you’re supposed to be watching him!”

“I was watching him love, I had him right beside me,” he stood up, a deep frown etched on his face as he approached you, “Sweetheart what’s wrong?”

“You weren’t watching him!” you started to sob and pressed your lips to Luca’s head to try and calm him, “I-I didn’t know where he is and you just left him sitting there! I need to know where he is Tom, he’s just a baby.”

“I know, but I only took him to my office,” he rubbed your arms gently to try and soothe you, “Take a deep breath love, I’m sorry I scared you so bad but I promise I was taking care of him. He fell asleep so I laid him down, I wouldn’t just leave him there if he was awake.”

You took a deep, shaky breath and tried to compose yourself, “I just don’t want you taking him places and not telling me about it.”

“And I would never take him somewhere outside of the house without telling you,” he promised, pressing a kiss to one of your wet cheeks, “I only brought him to my office Peach.”

“But I’m his mom Tom, I should always know where he is. H-H needs me for everything, he’s only a month old.”

“I know Peach, I understand,” he cupped your face carefully, “I think you’re overreacting a bit though, and you seem really stressed. Why don’t I watch Luca today? You can go relax and take a little me day.”

“I was relaxed,” you flushed and turned away from him, “But then I couldn’t find my son and I got worried.”

“(y/n), it’s okay if you need help,” he brought you close to him again, “I know this has been way more stressful for you than it is for me and you’re trying to deal with postpartum stuff too, but I’m here for you, you can lean on me if you need to.”

“I don’t need help!” you back away from him again, “I’m not having problems Tom, h-he’s my son and I’m perfectly capable of taking care of him.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t love, I'm just trying to help,” he tried again, “I want to be here for you if you’re struggling.”

“I’m not,” you glared at him, “I’m taking Luca to the nursery. I need you to put the bassinet back in our room.”

“I will,” he promised with a sigh, “I love you.”

You just pursed your lips and left the room.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Tom decided to swing by the nursery around 2 to check on you and Luca. Luca was staring up at you while he ate, Tom watched as you cooed affectionately at him. He smiled at the sight and came to stand beside the rocking chair you were in.

“How are you darling?” he set his hand on your shoulder.

“Fine.”

“Wonderful, and how’s our little man?” he reached down to rub Luca’s cheek, “Eating lots, getting nice and strong?”

“Don’t bug him while he’s eating,” you scolded.

“Sorry,” he leaned over and kissed the top of your head, “Have you eaten yet Peach?”

You shook your head, “No, I haven’t had time.”

“You have to take care of yourself too,” he hummed, brushing some of your hair out of your face, “How about I go make you something and bring it up?”

“Will you stay and eat with me?” you blushed and looked up at him.

He nodded, “Of course, I’ll be right back.”

Tom ran to the kitchen and made a couple sandwiches for you both, he grabbed some fruit too, and a big water bottle for you. When he returned to the nursery you were burping Luca, patting his back and gently cooing at him. Tom offered to help but you refused so he sat up lunch on the floor for you instead. He pulled out a small cushioned mat and mobile for Luca and asked you to sit, but again you refused.

“He hasn’t burped yet,” you’d switched from standing to sitting with Luca laying down over your lap.

“You’ve been at it for a while Peach, maybe he just doesn’t have to burp,” he suggested, squeezing your leg gently, “Why don’t you put him on the mat for a little while so you can eat?”

You took a deep breath and nodded, “Okay, yeah.”

Tom kissed the back of one of your hands and took Luca from you. He carefully laid him on the mat and waited for you to join him. Tom had made sure to sit Luca beside him so he could take care of him if need be and you could focus on eating.

“Dig in,” he smiled at you.

A small smile graced your lips as you bit into the sandwich, “Thank you for making lunch.”

“I’m happy to do it,” he cleared his throat before continuing, “I’m sorry about earlier love.”

“It’s okay,” you sighed and blushed, “I-I know I overreacted, it’s just hard to be away from him right now. I get really anxious when he isn’t with me. I mean I’m his whole world right now, he needs me for everything.”

“I know he does darling,” Tom scooted closer to you and set his hand on your leg again, “It’s alright if you're feeling anxious or scared or anything else, I just need you to tell me so I can help you. I want to be here for you, and him. The last thing I ever want to do is make this harder on you.”

“Y-You aren’t,” you sighed, “You’re the only person I trust with him Tom. It’s just hard right now, I worry about him all the time, I just want to do everything right.”

“You are,” he assured, planting a kiss on your forehead, “(y/n) you’re a wonderful mother, it’s just like you said, you’re his whole world, he absolutely adores you. It’s okay if you're struggling with the postpartum stuff, the doctor said it can be really hard on some people, we can go talk to her about it if we need to.”

“It’s not that,” you insisted, “I’m okay, I’m just adjusting still. I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

“You don’t have to apologize, I understand that you’re under a lot of pressure and you’re hardly sleeping,” he frowned, “You know we could try the bottle again.”

You quickly shook your head, “No, no, he hated it Tom.”

“I know, but that was two weeks ago. They said between two and four weeks, it might be better now,” he sighed as Luca started to cry, you tried to get up to help but he stopped you, “Eat your lunch, I’ll take care of him.”

“He probably needs a pacifier,” you suggest.

“I got it Peach, just relax,” he took the small boy in his arms and began rocking him. Quickly the boy quieted down and began to coo up at his father, “If we got him on the bottles then I could start getting up with him in the night too, that way you could get some more sleep.”

Watching Tom rock him made you smile and you nodded, “Okay, but if he doesn’t like it still I don’t want to push him.”

“That’s alright, we’ll just give it another try,” he ticked the boy's stomach, “And you’re gonna start using those bottles aren’t you brat? You’ve been keeping your mom up non stop, she needs to sleep.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Luca had been much more receptive to the bottles when you tried them again. It was nice because it allowed Tom to feed him at night so you could start catching up on some much needed sleep. Unfortunately the extra sleep did nothing to calm your nerves. You still couldn’t stand to be away from Luca for more than a few minutes, and you hated to see anyone but you and Tom holding him. Tom’s parents had come to visit and it took everything in you not to snap at his mom while she held Luca. You felt awful, you loved and trusted Nikki with all of your heart, but the second she picked him up your mind began spiraling to a million worst case scenarios.

Struggling so hard made you feel awful, like you were a bad mom. You thought both your son and husband deserved better, but you kept your struggles to yourself. Tom did his best to help you but work kept him very busy, and it was hard to get through to you when you wouldn’t open up to him. That’s why he had again brought up the idea of going talking to your doctor about possible postpartum struggles, but you just couldn’t stand to hear it. Everything he said just amplified your own anxious thoughts, you couldn’t handle Tom also thinking that you were a bad mother.

“I don’t need help Tom!” you snapped at him as soon as he brought the idea up, “I’m perfectly fine! You’re not even around enough to realize how fine I am!”

His cheeks flushed and his eyes widen, “I-I’m sorry, if you need me around more th-”

“No! That’s not what I said!” you pinched your nose in frustration. You didn’t want to make him feel bad, you just wanted him to think you were capable, “I’m just saying you’re not here all the time. I am perfectly fine okay? I can take care of our son, I’m gonna be a good mom. I’m just adjusting still, I can’t get used to all of this overnight.”

“I don’t expect you too, we both knew things would be different,” he reached for you, a deep frown came to his lips when you pushed him away, “It just seems like you're really struggling here and I want to help. I don’t want you to feel so stressed out all the time, and it’s alright if you don’t want to talk to me about it, but your doctor-”

“Will you stop bringing up the fucking doctor?!” you cut him off, suddenly tears were welling in your eyes and you found yourself crying again, “I don’t want to talk to the fucking doctor Tom. I don’t want to, I don’t need to, I-I can do this.”

You’re yelling had woken up Luca, causing him to start crying in his bassinet. Tom looked between you and him, his mouth hanging open as he debated what to do. Of course he wanted to reach out and comfort you but Luca demanded his attention. So he got out of bed and scooped the boy from his bassinet before sitting down on the edge of the bed. He cooed at the boy and rocked him while you sniffled alone on your side of the bed.

“(y/n)?” Tom peaked over you.

You refused to look at him, instead drawing your legs to your chest and hugging yourself tight, “What?”

“I love you.”

“Yeah, you too,” you mumbled into your knees.

“Do you wanna take him for a second?” he offered a now calmed Luca to you with a smile, “Look, he’s smiling at you, I think he wants you,” the tiniest smile graced your lips and you opened up your arms to take the baby from him. Tom wiped your eyes as he handed him over, “See? He totally adores you.”

You rocked Luca for just a moment before he started to sob once more. You felt your own anxiety spiking again and passed him back to Tom so he could sooth him again. Tom blushed as he took him, he apologized to you as he rocked the boy in his arms. He started to settle again and your heart dropped into your stomach.

“It’s probably his stomach,” Tom tried to assure you, “I mean he ate a little bit ago, he’s about due for a new diaper.”

You felt so awful and you were already so exhausted that you just didn’t have it in you to say anything else. You didn’t want to argue with him about doctors or whether or not you needed help, and you didn’t want to stay up and watch Tom take care of your son when you couldn’t. So you rolled over while Tom climbed out of bed, deciding it would be better for you to stare at the wall until you fell asleep.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

When you woke up the following morning you were still exhausted. Tom had gotten up with Luca throughout the night in an effort to let you get some more sleep, but it hadn’t really helped. Your anxiety kept you up through most of the night.

It certainly didn’t help that Luca had been in a fussy mood all morning. Nothing could keep his attention for more than a few minutes and when you sat down to try and feed him he refused to latch. He just kept crying and you did your best to soothe him while you moved him to your other breast, hoping that would fix the issue.

You ran into the same problem of him refusing to latch and you had no idea what to do. You tried some things the doctors told you could help him latch but none of them helped. He was obviously hungry, and you were trying to help, but he just wouldn’t eat. You felt awful listening to him cry and you tried to rock him and sooth him the best you could but nothing helped. It became too much for your sleep deprived mind and you found yourself starting to cry too.

“Come on Luca, you’ve got to eat,” you tried to prompt him, “We’ve done everything else, I know you’re hungry. We’ve done it a million times, you’ve just got to latch on okay? Come on,” you tried again but he only started crying harder when you brought his mouth to you, which made you cry even harder too, “I’m trying so hard Luca, I’m sorry, please eat for me.”

When Tom walked into the nursery he found the rocking chair facing the window, gently rocking back and forth. Luca was crying and when he stepped closer he was shocked to find you were sobbing just as hard. You had him cradled to your chest, like he was about to eat, but he was just bawling.

“What’s wrong?” Tom asked curiously.

“He won’t eat,” you sobbed, “I-I’ve been trying and trying and he just won’t latch on. I don’t know what to do Tom. I know he’s hungry but he won’t eat, I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”

“You aren’t doing anything wrong,” he assured you, pressing a kiss to your forehead before he bent down in front of you, “Why don’t I grab a bottle and give that a try? It seems like you could use a minute.”

Reluctantly you nodded and passed Luca to him. Tom rocked the boy in his arms and cooed at him while he warmed up a bottle. Luca calmed down a bit while his father rocked him, but he kept crying until the bottle was ready. With no effort at all Tom got him to take the bottle, he stopped crying in an instant and made happy little sounds while he ate.

“There we go buddy. That’s better right?” Tom poked his nose with a smile, “Just wanted to be a brat huh?”

You were happy he was eating, but you hated how easily Tom had calmed him and gotten to eat. You hated that he’d taken the bottle over you. He was barely over a month old, he was supposed to love you more than anything in the world, but he’d picked a plastic bottle over you. It made you feel awful and reminded you of your failure to be the kind of mother he deserved. All you wanted to do was curl up in bed and cry.

“Tom?” you sniffled.

He smiled over at you, “Do you wanna take over?”

You shook your head, “No, I-I just really need some sleep. Could you watch him for a little while?”

“Of course,” he nodded, “Take all the time you need, I’ll stay with him.”

“Thank you,” your hands trembled as you stood.

Tom leaned over to give you a kiss, you barely let your lips brush his before you left the room. You ran right to your bedroom and threw yourself onto the bed. You pulled a pillow to your chest and ended up crying yourself to sleep there.

While you were sleeping Tom took care of Luca, but he came by your room to check on you. He found you were curled up on your bed, clutching a pillow with puffy, tear stained cheeks and red eyes. It made him feel awful, he wanted so badly to help you but he wasn’t sure how. He knew he couldn’t let you continue to feel so awful, he had to do something. Just talking to you didn’t seem like a great idea since last time he tried to get you to open up you’d just ended up fighting. Instead he ended up calling Harrison and his brothers over to help him come up with something. After a bit of plotting, Sam helped him cook a nice dinner for you and he went up to your room to wake you up. You were groggy and tired as he pulled you over to the nursery where Harrison was waiting.

“Why is Harrison here?” you blushed.

“Because he’s going to watch Luca for us,” Tom smiled happily at you but your heart rate skyrocketed instantly, “I know you don’t like being away from him though, so we aren’t going to go far. I just thought you and I could have a nice dinner down in the garden. Harrison will watch Luca and Sam and Harry are here too in case he needs help, but I’m sure he won’t.”

You pursed your lips, reluctant to hand over the baby in your arms, “I-I don’t know Tom.”

“(y/n) you don’t have to worry,” Harrison assured you, he stepped up to you with open arms, “You two will be just down stairs, I promise I’ll take the best care of him in the world.”

“Harrison is his godfather,” Tom reminded you, “We decided we trust him enough to raise him, I’m sure we can leave him in his care for just a few hours.”

“I do trust him,” you blushed, “B-But he’s so young.”

“I could come down there with you,” Harrison offered, “If you’d rather he be close to you I could come down and sit just a few feet away with him the whole time. It’s okay if you’re anxious about it, but Tom told me you’ve been really stressed and I want to help however I can. Even if it’s just watching the baby for a night.”

You took a deep breath before you passed Luca over to him, “I-It’s okay, you can stay up here with him. Just promise you’ll come get us if he gets too fussy?”

“Of course, go enjoy your date,” he wrapped his free arm around you and kissed the top of your head, “Try and relax a little.”

You nodded and kissed Luca’s head, “Be good for Hazzy okay?”

“He will be, he wants his mom to have a nice relaxing evening,” Tom kissed your cheek and took your hand, “Come on, let’s get some food in you.”

Tom led you downstairs, Harry and Sam were busy at work in the kitchen finishing dinner and dessert for you. They greeted you happily and insisted you go sit down and let them take care of you. Outside was a small outdoor dining table and chairs you and Tom had eaten at a lot before Luca was born. The fresh air felt nice and helped ease your nerves about being away from Luca.

“It’s nice out here,” you commented, “I don’t think I’ve been outside in a few weeks.”

“Dinner’s here!” Harry interrupted, beaming as he sat a plate in front of each of you, “I hope you’re both hungry.”

“It’s not good for you love,” Tom squeezed your thigh.

“I know, but I don’t want Luca to get sick.”

You giggled while he played waiter for you both, “Thanks Harry.”

“You’re welcome, enjoy,” he winked while he walked away.

Tom chuckled, “I helped Sam with some of the cooking so I hope it’s good.”

“I’m sure it will be,” you couldn’t help but glance up at the nursery window, “Did he eat again?”

Tom nodded, “Yeah, just a little bit ago, and he’s got plenty of bottles up there,” Tom frowned as your face fell, “What’s wrong?’

“Nothing,” you bit your cheek, “I-I’m trying not to worry about him too much.”

“It’s okay if you are. We can talk about it.”

You looked away shamefully, “It’s okay, I’m sure I’ll get over it.”

“Not if you don’t talk about it,” he pushed again, “I don’t want to fight again, but I really want to help you, and I know you’re struggling. You spent half of today crying, I hate seeing you like that.”

“It’s not a big deal,” you tried again, “I’ll be okay Tom.”

“It is a big deal, you’re my wife, I want to take care of you,” he scooted his chair closer to yours so he could take both of your hands, “I can tell you're struggling but I need you to let me in so I can help you. I feel awful (y/n), we’ve never had problems like this, I-I don’t know if I did something or what but I just want to fix it.”

Your bottom lip started to quiver and you felt your eyes starting to water again, “It’s not you Tom.”

“Then what is it? Please let me help, I’m your husband, I love you so much. I just want to give you, and our son, the best life I can.”

“I-It’s Luca,” you mumbled, sinking into your chair to try and hide, “I feel so anxious all the time. I hate it when I’m not with him, I hate it when anyone else holds him. I feel like I can’t trust anyone but you with him, and I just don’t know what to do. I feel like such a bad mom. I don’t understand why I’m struggling so much, a-and then today I couldn’t even feed him!” you were sobbing at that point, “He’s just a baby, he’s supposed to need me still.”

“(y/n),” he pulled you to his chest so you could sob against him, “You aren’t a bad mom, it’s alright to struggle. And he absolutely does need you, he might just prefer the bottle sometimes. It doesn’t mean anything, you’re still the one providing for him.”

“What if I never get better? What if I’m just terrified all the time and I smother him and he ends up hating me.”

“You won’t, I promise you won’t,” he rocked you in his arms while he spoke, “There is nothing wrong with needing help with this, struggling doesn’t make you a worse mom. The doctor told us lots of people struggle with postpartum, remember? And I’ve been doing a little research on it, it’s a lot more common than you think. You just had a baby, your hormones are crazy right now, and your body is trying to heal. It would be unfair to expect you to get better overnight,” he let out a deep sigh, “I know a lot of this is on me too. I haven’t been there as much as I should be, I shouldn’t be working right now. I should be taking time off so I can take care of you and Luca, I’m sorry I haven’t been carrying my weight here.”

You blushed and shook your head, “It’s not your fault Tom, I know you’re doing what you can.”

“I haven’t been doing enough,” he kissed the side of your head, “Look I talked to Harrison and my brothers and they’ve agreed to take charge for a while so I can take a step back and focus on you and Luca. It’s what I should have done from the beginning, I’m sorry that I didn’t.”

“You don’t have to do that Tom.”

“Yes I do, you’re my wife, and he’s my son. You two are my whole world, I need to be there for both of you,” he wiped your eyes while you sniffled and tried to calm yourself again.

“I-I’m sorry Tom,” you choked on your own words as you spoke.

“Sorry?” he frowned, “Darling you have nothing to be sorry for, I’m the one who fucked up.”

“B-But things have been so different,” you looked away from him, “I’m always tired and I look like shit all the time. My bodies all fucked up annd we can’t even have sex anymore, y-you deserve better than that.”

“Don’t ever say something like that to me again,” he said sternly, “Your body is not fucked up, your body just gave us our son, and now it needs time to heal, you need time to heal. I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling so bad about yourself, but I hope you know I still think you’re the most gorgeous person in the world, and I promise I always will. There is nothing on earth I would rather have than you and our son, I’m the luckiest person in the whole universe,” he pulled you back to him and you buried your head in his chest, “Now it’d be stupid for me to say I don’t care about sex, because I obviously like having sex with you, but I don’t expect that from you, and I never will. If you never wanted to have sex again it wouldn’t make me love you any less.”

“I wanna have sex again,” you mumbled against his chest, making him laugh and squeeze you again.

“Yeah I do too, I’d like to give Luca some brothers and sisters,” he sighed and rubbed your back gently, “But you know if this is too much and you don’t want to have any more kids after this then that’s okay too. All I want is for you to get better so we can enjoy our son together.”

“I just wanna be normal and be able to do things with him without freaking out.”

“You’ll get there darling, it’ll get better,” he promised, “And I’ll be here every step of the way for whatever you need.”

“Thank you Tommy,” you pulled back from him just enough to press your lips to his, “Luca’s really lucky to have you as his dad, and I’m even luckier to have you as my husband.”

“Are you crazy? We’re obviously the lucky ones,” he nuzzled his nose against yours, “I know you’ve been pretty against going to the doctor, and I don’t want to upset you by bringing it up again, but I really think you should think about it. She knows how to help you with this, and as much as I love you, I don’t have that. She'll be able to help you better than me, or anyone else, can.”

You flushed but ended up nodding, “I-I want to go see her Tom, I want to feel better. I want to be able to sleep more and take him out places and let other people hold him.”

“You will, I promise you will. We’ll call her first thing tomorrow so we can get in as quickly as possible,” he placed one of his hands on your cheek, “There’s nothing wrong with needing help, and there’s lots of people around you that love you and want to help you. I mean just look at tonight, Haz and my brothers dropped everything so they could be here for you. We all wanted to give you a nice night and help you relax for a little while. I promise we’ll all be here to help you get better too.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and buried your face in his neck. For the first time since you’d come home from the hospital you finally felt at peace. You knew it would still take time to get better, but it was a start. It was comforting just to know Tom would be there with you from now on, that you could lean on him until you were better.

“Thank you for doing all this Tommy,” you mumbled against his neck.

“You’re welcome Peach,” he kissed your head and squeezed you against him, “You really don’t have to mention it though, I’m just trying to be a good husband.”

“You’re the best husband.”

“You’re perfect,” he nuzzled his nose against yours again before he kissed you, “I love you.”

“And you’re the best wife,” he chuckled, “So how does my gorgeous wife feel about finishing our dinner? Then maybe we can talk about something that won’t make you cry for a while?”

You nodded, “That sounds perfect Tom.”

You smiled wide and pressed your lips to his again, “I love you too.”

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ifortom · 6 months

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Champagne Problems - T.H.

Synopsis: Tom and y/n, a couple that used to be inseparable, now face a deep crisis in their marriage. Their daughter, Olivie, 4, is in the middle of this emotional turmoil. With busy lives, differences of opinion and fragmented communication, the love that brought them together is slowly fading. After the aftermath they must face their own demons, rediscover empathy, and find a way to rebuild the relationship they once shared. Not just for themselves, but also for the well-being of their daughter, who longs for a united family.

A/N: Well here it is, this is a rollercoaster of emotions and I hope you enjoy it. An important note: English is not my first language so I hope you understand if there are any errors, be kind and let me know if necessary and I can fix it.

W/A: +5k

‘’Where’s my sweet baby pie?’’ You heard Nikki’s voice before she even opened the front door.

‘’Grandma!’’ Olivie screamed loudly when she saw her grandmother and ran straight into her open arms.

‘’Hi sweetie! I missed you.” She said hugging the little girl tightly. ‘’Everyone was waiting for you.’’ Olivie smiled and made her way inside the house without looking back.

Nikki turned to you, as you walked in the living room and smiled opening her arms just like she did with Ollie, welcoming you into a warm hug.

‘’What about you, darling? It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.’’

‘’I know, and I’m sorry for that. Work’s been so hard lately, there’s a lot going on.’’ It wasn’t a lie, the last few weeks had been a pain in your ass with so much work since you got your promotion to chief editor at the publisher you worked.

‘’Yeah, Tom told me, that’s great news though!’’

‘’Its is, I’ve waited this for such a long time. But is complicated, Ollie is growing up and I feel like I’m missing out sometimes.’’ She smiled softly at you.

‘’I get it, just try not to stress yourself, that girl needs you... and you know, your promotion wasn’t the only thing Tom talked to me about the last time he was here... what’s going on with the both of you?’’

This was a question you really didn’t want to reply and this was a conversation you didn’t want to have, especially with your husband’s mother.

‘’I guess our relationship has seen better times but we’re trying. I’m just... I can’t have this conversation right now”

‘’I see... it’s alright sweetheart. I don’t want to intrude, just want to see you happy, the both of you. And that little girl.’’

‘’Me too.’’ You smiled at her, trying to hide the forming lump on your throat. ‘’I need to go, Tom is probably already home and we need to get ready.’’

‘’Of course. I’m going to find Ollie for you to say goodbye.’’ She walked out in the direction of the back garden.

While you waited, you took your time looking around the living room you’ve seen a thousand times already. Memories spread across the walls in the form of photos. Tom’s graduation day, Paddy’s first day of kindergarten, your wedding day, their family trip to Hawaii, Olivie as a new born. Memories you’re proud to be a part of.

The sound of small feet running to you woke you up from the small daydreaming.

‘’Mummy!’’ She hugged your legs and you bent down to her level to stare into her eyes.

‘’I’m going now, ok? Remember our deal?”

‘’Yeah, to be a good girl for grandma.’’ She said happily remembering your words from earlier.

‘’That’s right! Two nights, ok? And then we’re taking you home.’’

‘’You and daddy?’’ She asked playing with a string of your hair.

‘’Yeah, mummy and daddy.” She nodded. ‘’Alright, now give mumma a hug.’’ You tighly held her for a while, taking in her baby scent, the one you loved so much. ‘’Bye, babybug.’’ She let go of you and turned around finding her grandmother standing next to the couch. ‘’Bye Nikki, thank you for taking care of her. And please, say hi to everyone.’’

‘’Always. And please, have fun. You both need that”

...

Tonight was a special night. Tom’s company is hosting a party to celebrate a new partnership with a foreign company and, of course, as the wife of one of the partners, your presence is unquestionable. You need to be there to support your husband and keep the facade of the perfect couple with the perfect family. Because no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

You stared at yourself in the mirror. The dark red dress you chose hugs your curves in all the right places, the small slit on the leg made it a little more daring but didn't lose the classic touch. It had been a while since you dressed up for a gala event, so you decided to take advantage of the opportunity and remember your features that have been hidden for a while.

Tom entered the room wearing his elegant suit. His hair was straightened and with every step he took he exuded class, and as you watched him in the mirror's reflection, you noticed his gaze fixed on your body.

''Woah, you look beautiful tonight'' Was the first thing he said. Tom hadn't had the opportunity to see the dress you had chosen before this moment, so it was definitely a surprise.

''Yeah, I wanted to try something today.'' You smiled, breaking eye contact in the mirror and going to the table next to the bed, picking up the necklace you had chosen. ''Can you put it on for me?'' You walked up to him and handed the necklace into his hands, turning your back.

Tom calmly analyzed the necklace and felt his breathing hitch. There was the necklace he had given you just before Olivie was born. Your pregnancy was not easy. There were many complications during the period and the risk of something happening to you or the baby was high. To this day, he is grateful that you two made it out of the operating room safe and sound.

The small, sparkling jewel dangled from the chain, reminding him of simpler times. He knew the moment he saw it for the first time that you would love it. It was simple, but it carried enormous emotion, love and hope.

He raised his hands towards your neck and noticed that they were sweating. And you felt his warm breath on your neck and his fingers delicately ran across it, making goosebumps run down your body. How long has it been since you felt each other's touch like this? It's impossible to believe that the two young people who couldn't live without having contact with each other for a long time became like two strangers afraid to touch.

Maybe a few years ago he would have come closer, placed his hands on your waist and left a kiss next to your ear. You would have thrown your head back leaning on his shoulder and the two of you would have stayed like that for a while.

But things changed and the two of you were no longer the same couple at the beginning of a relationship as you were before. Life happened and differences emerged, thoughts changed and opinions diverged. How could things be the same as before?

Instead, Tom put space between you and scratched his throat. His hand went to the back of his head. You looked in the mirror once again.

''I'm driving today, so if you're ready we can go''

You nodded and turned to him waiting for some reaction. Whatever it was. But what you got was him turning his back and walking towards the bedroom door. Holding back the cry that wanted to leave your throat, you lifted your head and followed him. Time to play the part.

...

The path to the venue's party room was silent. In the car, Tom let the music take over the space. As you mouthed the lyrics to a random song that was playing, Tom let furtive glances find you. But you would never know it.

When you arrived, a boy went towards the car while Tom opened his door. He quickly turned around and opened your door, extending his hand to help you out. Tom thanked the boy who entered the space he previously occupied and left with the car to park it.

You held onto Tom's arm as you walked together to the entrance of the already crowded room. Taking a deep breath, a smile appeared on your face as Harrison, Tom's best friend and one of his partners, walked towards you.

''You're finally here, what happened that took you so long?'' He said suggestively, making Tom laugh.

‘’No need to pry, mate.’’ Tom replied, now wrapping his arm around your waist. ''We arrived and we are fine, thank you for asking.''

''No defensiveness, Tom. You look great tonight, Y/N.'' Harrison said.

''Thanks, H. You don't look bad either.'' Harrison smiled and spun around as if showing off his outfit. You laughed at his mannerism.

''Well, some of the investors are already here and want to meet the person responsible for the partnership with the Japanese company.''

''Don't put all this on me, you were responsible too.''

''Wait, Tom... you didn't tell me that this came from you.'' You said resting one of your hands on his chest.

''What? Didn't he tell you? It turns out that if it weren't for this guy here, things wouldn't have happened. He was the one who stayed up working for hours and hours, making it impossible for the company to refuse the agreement.'' Harrison said.

How come Tom never mentioned this? Of course you knew something big was about to happen at the company but you didn't know that Tom was working so hard on it. So every night he took a while to get home, he was at work? Was the silence that came from him caused by this?

Tom looked uncomfortable, which was strange. Why was he acting like this?

A waiter approached the three of you and held out a tray with glasses of what looked like champagne. Harrison took one, while Tom did too and handed it to you.

''Aren't you going to drink?'' Harrison asked raising an eyebrow.

''I'm driving tonight.'' His hand returned to your waist and you felt his fingers lightly caressing over the thin material of the dress. ''Let's do this. I'll be right back, okay?'' He turned to you, who in response just nodded.

''Y/N, Sophie is near the bar. She was looking forward to your arrival.'' He pointed to where his wife was talking to two women unknown to you. ''She said that only you understand her in this place.''

''I say the same about her.'' You started walking towards your friend, who, upon seeing you, completely forgot about the two strangers she was talking to.

''I'm so grateful to see you. I was already starting to panic.'' She hugged you. ''Girl, and that dress! You look wonderful.'' She said looking you up and down.

''Did you like it? I think I made the right choice.''

''Definitely. I bet Tom went crazy when he saw you like that'' She said winking. Sophie was one of the only people who knew about how troubled your relationship was, and she certainly hoped that things between you would get better.

Just like your words to Harrison, she was the only person you could count on at the moment. Ever since their relationship began, just a few months after you and Tom became official, you two had been inseparable. The two of you worked together to help the two of them when they decided to start a company. And in this world made of appearances, you remained the same.

Obviously, Tom and Harrison have other partners who are married to snobbish and difficult to deal with women. And even though their husbands only have a small portion of the company, they act as if they are in charge of everything and everyone.

That's why you two stick together. Holding each other.

''It turns out that I was also expecting a reaction but I didn't get much.'' You say dejectedly taking a sip of the drink. Her hand affectionately roams your arm.

''I'm sorry, darling. He may not have shown it but I bet he won't resist and at the end of the night we know what will happen.'' The suggestive way in which she spoke made you laugh sincerely. ''We know what you have hidden there!'' You chuckled even though you weren't sure how this night would end and if it would go that way.

''For now I don't want to think about it, let's just enjoy it, okay?'' You tell her, holding her hand and pulling her close to the bar. ''Let's order a drink!''

And while you distracted the thoughts that disturbed you with what you were experiencing at the moment, Tom followed your every move, instead of paying attention to the compliments and questions he received.

''What you're doing for the company is great, Thomas! I'm sure it will grow more every day.'' Peter's hand, one of the investors, stopped on his shoulder, pulling him back.

''Thanks, but I wouldn't be able to do any of this alone.'' He said. ''None of this would be possible without the help of everyone who works at the company. Everyone, without exception.''

''And he's still humble. You really impress me, boy'' Peter laughs, making everyone in the circle laugh too.

''If you'll excuse us, we need to talk for a second.'' Harrison interrupts and pulls Tom aside, leaving the circle of middle-aged men. ''Mate, are you okay? You seem a little distant.''

Tom stares at the ground, trying to keep himself steady. His emotions were running high, and he didn't want to show it, at least not here and now.

''Yeah, I just need to have a glass of water.'' He replied walking towards one of the waiters who was carrying what he needed. ''This conversation has stressed me out. Harrison, I didn't do it all alone. You were part of it too.''

''Tom, I know that. Just accept the compliment, you know that's what they like to do. They're just interested in the money they're going to receive from all of this.'' Harrison says, resting his hand on his friend's shoulder. ''You do not need to worry about me. After all, I didn't lie about who actually stayed up late working on this project. The merit is yours, my friend.''

‘’Thanks, mate” Tom smiled and hugged his friend.

''Let's mingle a little bit more, okay? Then we can return to the arms of our dear wives.'' After Harrison's words, Tom's eyes went looking for you again. And they found you in the same place, laughing and enjoying the night, looking freer than before. ''Speaking of which, why didn't you tell her what was going on?''

''I think I was working too much and didn't want to worry her. She just got promoted and you know how Y/N is like. Always putting the needs of others above her own.’’

''Tom, she is your wife. Not to mention she's the mother of your daughter. She needs to know about things that happen, you can't deal with everything alone.''

''I know that.'' He took a deep breath. ''But this is not the time for that, shall we continue?''

Harrison looked a little disappointed but didn't want to step on any more toes, so he just agreed and they carried on with the night.

...

''I can't believe he did that.'' Sophie said shocked. ''What an asshole.''

''Well, you can believe it.''

''He promotes you and still has the courage to challenge you? Doubting whether you will be able to complete your tasks on time?''

Since you were promoted, your boss has been making comments about your work making you doubt whether it was a good choice or not. Which doesn't make sense because the decision to promote you was his. How can he doubt your abilities now?

''It's been exhausting but I've been trying not to pay too much attention to his sarcastic comments.''

''I bet so, but I'm sure you're doing an excellent job.'' She smiled. ‘’Seriously, you shouldn't care about this asshole’’

''Whoa, who's the asshole?'' You heard Harrison's voice, and turned around to find him and Tom approaching the two of you.

''Y/N's boss is trying to make her work life hell.'' She responded as Harrison hugged her from behind. At that moment you felt jealous of her. ''Hey, want to dance?''

''Hm, one of the bosses embarrassing himself on the dance floor with his lovely wife? Is this something everyone here would like to witness?'' He pretended to think for a while before holding her hand. ''I bet they wouldn't miss this for anything.'' He dragged her to the dance floor, leaving you and Tom standing next to each other laughing.

When the laughter stopped it was strange. They were there, husband and wife embarrassed to be so close. Tom broke the ice and got closer to her, who leaned back on a table. His hands went to her waist while hers went to his chest.

''I would ask you to dance too, but I don't know if everyone here is prepared to watch this disaster.'' The playful tone in his voice made her startle. She feigned shock.

''Are you sure about that? Am I the cause of disaster? Do I need to remind you of our first dance? How many times did you step on my foot that night?'' They laughed together and for the first time in a long time, you felt close to him. Almost complete. He was there, and he was yours. ‘’Tommy...’’

His heart missed a beat when he heard the nickname. Your hands went around his neck, your face slowly approaching his.

‘’Yeah, darling, I’m here.’’

''I really miss you.'' You say placing your head on his chest. ''I'm tired.''

''Do you want to go home?'' He asked, stroking your back.

''Are you sure? It's your party. I can go alone if you want. I'm not that drunk, I'm just really tired.'' Your voice was muffled but he could hear it.

''It doesn't matter, I won't let you go alone. I just need to say goodbye to some people, okay? And talk to Haz.'' He said, making you look at him.

''Okay, I'm going to the bathroom.'' He nodded and let you go. Watching your path before following his.

In the bathroom, you looked at yourself in the mirror and noticed how flushed you were. Not knowing if it was caused by the drinking or the closeness you were with your own husband.

You entered one of the stalls just as two women entered the bathroom.

''Did you see them today?" One of them said. ‘’They look so hot.’’

''Yeah, it's a shame they had those two clinging to their arms all night.'' The second voice said, Ava, you recognized it. She was Tom and Harrison's assistant at the company. The person everyone has to deal with directly before they can exchange a word with either of them. Normally, she is the one who decides which issue is extremely important and needs to reach them or not.

''Did you see Y/N tonight? I never imagined she could dress so well''.

''It was definitely just for the show.'' Ava replied and you held your breath in fear that they would realize that there was someone else in the same room as them. ''At least she looks pretty today.''

''And how do you feel about that?'' The girl asked cautiously.

''What do you mean by that, Izzy? Do you think I'm afraid of her?'' Ava mocked. ''You don't even know the half of it.''

''It's his wife.'' The second girl, Izzy, clarified.

''Do you want to know? Tom and I have become very close these last few weeks. Late one night, while we were at the office, he opened up to me. He was very honest saying that their marriage is not going well. Made it seem like he was tired of her or something.'' She said. ''What they did today was just to keep up appearances. I know what he really wants.''

''You mean he wants you?'' Izzy said and you felt your heart stop waiting for the answer.

''It's not that, I mean, we had a moment. This week, he was in the middle of a meeting when his daughter's daycare center called. Something about her fighting with a colleague over a pen, childish stuff, you know? I needed to act and since my name was on the list of people who could pick her up, I went.'' You felt dizzy upon hearing the information. How had Tom not told you this? ''I think he was extremely grateful, we hugged and well, we almost kissed.''

Everything was getting blurry, you couldn't believe he would do something like that.

''It didn't happen, so I don't want to say he wants me, but maybe he wants to get rid of her.'' She finished. ''Anyway, I wouldn't have a relationship with him. A daughter and an ex-wife? It is not for me. But that's it, looking doesn't take away anything.''

They left the bathroom still gossiping, but you couldn't hear anything else. How could he have done this? Not just exposing your relationship to a stranger and almost kissing her but hiding something about your own daughter? Trying to remember a moment that may have been abnormal, you remembered two weeks ago, when Tom called you informing you that he was already at home with Ollie earlier and that you didn't need to pick her up. This was unusual, and never happened unless you agreed beforehand.

Something happened at her school, little Olivie got into trouble and you didn't know about it. You couldn't discipline your own daughter because your husband decided to hide it from you.

After the shock, some things started to make sense and well, your husband almost kissed another woman. There's a lot going on and you're not in a good place to think about it. Your only goal now is to go home.

Leaving the cabin, you looked in the mirror and finally noticed the tears running down your face.

You quickly wiped your face and left the bathroom, encountering who you wanted to avoid. He was there, near the door, talking to the two women who had just exposed the biggest nonsense that Tom Holland could have done in his life. His eyes met yours and he was distracted, confused by your expression, soon the women also noticed that you left the bathroom right behind them.

And they knew what they had done. They said goodbye to Tom without looking back. He walked up to you and cupped your face with his hand.

''Y/N what happened?'' He said worriedly, you grabbed his wrists, removing his hands from your face.

''I'm going home.'' Was the only thing you said before walking past him towards the exit. Without looking at anyone, not even Sophie.

When you finally left the salon, the same boy from earlier was standing in front of the familiar car, waiting for the owner. He spotted Tom, who was behind you and handed him the keys.

He thanked the boy and stopped in front of you.

''Let's go, and we'll talk about what's going on.'' He held your hand only for you to make him let go right away.

''I'm not going with you''

''What? Y/N, get in the car.''

You shook your head and the tears came back. Soon your face was covered and you couldn't control it.

''No. How could you... how could you do this to me?" Your voice was increasing and Tom started looking around frantically.

''Y/N, baby, please. Let's go home.’’ Your hands went to your face, hiding it, embarrassed by this whole situation.

''You're hurting me so much, Tommy.'' Carefully he approached you and hugged you. And you allowed it. Because you are tired, tired of fighting, of holding this relationship alone, of holding a family alone.

Tom managed to guide you to the car and just like on the way there, the return was filled with silence. The only thing that could be heard this time was the sound of your sniffing.

When you arrived home, you were the first to get out of the car without looking back. Tom hadn't even parked properly and you were already outside. Sobriety overshadowed any drink you had this evening. With difficulty you found the keys to the front door inside your bag.

Finally inside the house, you took off your heels, leaving them at the entrance and made your way to the living room. You can hear Tom closing the door and walking right behind you.

''Can you tell me what happened to Ollie at school?'' You turned to him. ''Or are you going to keep hiding this from me?''

And so, Tom understood. He finally understood what had happened. You knew everything.

''She had a fight with a friend. Apparently, he took something from her and she tried to resolve it by pushing the child.'' Tom said as he ran his hands through his hair, messing it up. ''The child was not hurt and the parents understood that it was just a silly disagreement between the children. But the school called me to talk about her behavior.''

''They just called you, or called us both?’’

''Both of us.'' He said knowing where this was going. Your face contorted into an expression of pain.

''Do you know how that makes me feel, Tom? My daughter behaved badly and you omitted me to be responsible for it. She's not just yours, Tom. I need to know these things. What does this teach her? That it's ok if she hides certain things from me, because you did the same? And when she decides to do this with both of us? That hiding things is better?''

''I know I made a mistake, Y/N but I didn't want to burden you. I know the work has been difficult. Hell, you said that to Sophie today.'' He said trying to defend himself. ''I'm sorry for hiding it from you, but I did it thinking about saving you some worry.''

''Thomas, she's my daughter too. I need to know what happens to her. God, Tom, she's 4 years old.'' You try to reason with him, who just sits on the couch. ''I know that's not the whole reason you kept this from me.''

And when he looks up, you find him with eyes full of tears ready to collapse.

''I heard Ava's conversation in the bathroom, that's how I found out. I know she went to pick up Olivie that day. And for the record, I know she's your secretary but I want her off the list of people who can pick up Ollie.'' You say, moving away from him. ''I know what happened next. Between you two.''

Tom quickly stood up in front of you, his eyes begging you to accept whatever he was going to say.

''I don't know what she said, but you need to believe me when I tell you that nothing happened between us. I could never do that to you Y/N, you need to know that.'' And to his surprise you smiled softly. ''From the first moment you came into my life, I knew I would never need anyone again, no matter what.''

''Tom, what happened to us? When and why did we grow so far apart? Isn't this what we wanted, our family?''

''I know I've been distant but Y/N... things really aren't easy. We almost lost... we almost lost the company. Our accounts weren't good, there was a month when I thought we wouldn't be able to pay the employees. Me and Haz were desperate.'' He turned around as if he was embarrassed. ''We almost lost our investors. That's why I had to work twice as hard. So I spent a few nights away from home. In the midst of all this, all I could think about was the two of you. I needed to protect you no matter what.''

Your face softened upon hearing his outburst.

''It's been 10 years since we started this project and look at everything we've built. I had to do something. I know you work and believe me, you are the best at what you do, and your boss is just another asshole in this world who thinks he is better than others, but wouldn't be able to do half as much as you.’’

His face, like yours, was already full of tears.

''I'm sorry, I just couldn't let it all end like this. So, I did everything I could to rebuild what we have.'' He finished, approaching you once again, carefully his hands cupped your face. ''I'm sorry, my intention was never to hurt you. I would never do that.''

Without thinking twice, your lips pressed against his. You hadn’t felt them in a while. Your hands went to his hair while his went to your waist, pulling you as close as possible. As you deepened the kiss, Tom's hands ran down your back. His lips trailed down to your neck and collarbone, leaving open-mouthed kisses along the way.

Your hands found the jacket he still wore, removing it.

''Y/N, I don't want to... are you sure?'' He said with a hitched breath as you left small kisses on his lips. It had been so long since you had truly felt him.

''Yes I'm sure. I miss you so much, Tom, please.'' You said as you stared at him firmly.

He guided you to your room and as always, you let him, trusting him as you always did. And that night, Tom made you feel what you hadn't felt in a while, closeness to him. The care he always had, the affection. Skin on skin, sweat, short and mixed breaths.

...

On Sunday, two nights later, in the morning Tom told Nikki that you would be there for lunch and she could barely contain her happiness at hearing the news. Somehow she managed to notice the difference in her son's tone of voice and knew that things were working out.

Of course, you talked afterwards, for a long time, and agreed that you wouldn't hide anything from each other, especially issues related to Olivie. And you would always be there to listen to each other in any difficulty that may arise. That's what you promised when you exchanged rings and it would remain that way for a long time.

''Mumma, daddy!'' Olivie's excited voice was the first thing you heard when you arrived in the back garden of the Holland family house.

''Hi, baby!'' You said as Tom picked Ollie up. ''Did you have fun with grandma and grandpa?''

''Yeah, we made cookies.'' She said excitedly.

''I hope you left one for me.'' Tom said making the little girl laugh.

''I ate them all.'' She said jokingly. ''Sorry dad.'' Tom opened his mouth pretending to be shocked and you laughed at their mannerism.

This was what you missed, moments of joy and togetherness, happiness and love.

______________________________________________________________

Hope you liked it!

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