Tumgik
itsagentromanoff · 14 hours
Text
Bucky: [wonders why Steve is distancing himself] Oh, so what do you think? Alcohol? Sex?
Tony: Not tonight! I'm too distracted.
9 notes · View notes
itsagentromanoff · 20 hours
Text
Steve: You’re an idiot.
Tony: I’m your idiot. [points to wedding ring] FOREVERRR!!
20 notes · View notes
itsagentromanoff · 1 day
Text
Steve: Hey Tony, you’re on speaker. Behave.
Tony: Or what, you’ll spank me?
336 notes · View notes
itsagentromanoff · 1 day
Text
[Bucky watches as Tony’s being harrassed by reporters, especially Christine Everhart]
Bucky: I wanted to kill them. But I bite my tongue, because on this team they think that I am a brainwashed assassin hothead which is crazy, because a brainwashed assassin hothead is when you set somebody’s head on fire. It smells terrible, but it sends a message.
14 notes · View notes
itsagentromanoff · 2 days
Text
Natasha: I wonder what age it is that you stop being able to put both legs behind your head.
Tony: Oh, I can still do that.
Natasha: How are you still single?
28 notes · View notes
itsagentromanoff · 3 days
Text
Bucky: [holding coffee pot] Cream?
Tony: [pauses to take a sip] No, thank you, I take it black, like my men.
18 notes · View notes
itsagentromanoff · 4 days
Text
Strange: The only unthinkable thing is that anything is unthinkable.
Tony: [to Steve and Bucky] Strange majored in fortune cookies.
37 notes · View notes
itsagentromanoff · 5 days
Text
Steve: Guys, before you go, you want to see some art?
Tony: I've already looked in the mirror once today, so I am good.
18 notes · View notes
itsagentromanoff · 6 days
Text
[Bucky is getting ready to go on his first date with Tony]
Bucky: I’m scared.
Steve: I know.
Bucky: I like him.
Steve: He likes you.
Bucky: How do you know he’s not being polite?
Steve: Buck!
Bucky: No, I mean it. It’s like I cornered him and he felt trapped and he had to say yes.
Steve: He did not have to say yes.
Bucky: Oh my God. Technically, he’s my employer.
Steve: Buck!
Bucky: I am. He makes our equipments. His livelihood depends on me.
Steve: Bucky!
Bucky: Oh! I’m a sexual harasser!
Steve: Well, then you need some false eyelashes.
Bucky: This isn’t funny. I am now desperate, lonely and a criminal.
93 notes · View notes
itsagentromanoff · 6 days
Text
Bucky: It’s a date.
Tony: What?
Bucky: It’s a date. You said meeting. I asked you out. You said yes. We dressed up. At the end of the evening, if all goes well, there will be kissing. This is not a meeting. This is a date. And I don’t want to insult you. You chose this restaurant. I’m sure the food is very good, but this is not a date restaurant. You can’t have a date here. This is where dates go to die. You look extraordinary, by the way.
28 notes · View notes
itsagentromanoff · 6 days
Text
Steve: Why should I be ashamed of having sex with you?
Tony: You shouldn’t!
Steve: I know!
Tony: You should be proud!
Steve: Yes!
46 notes · View notes
itsagentromanoff · 7 days
Text
Tony: [to Bucky] Buckaroo, I had no idea you were such a cunning linguist.
20 notes · View notes
itsagentromanoff · 8 days
Text
Bucky: Thanks for letting me stay here while Stevie Skypes with Sharon.
Tony: Oh, it’s no problem. It’s actually kind of nice. You reading, me reading. We’re like an old married couple.
Bucky: If we were an old married couple, the fella would serve iced tea and snickerdoodles.
Tony: I don’t have iced tea and snickerdoodles.
Bucky: A good fella would go to the store.
Tony: I want a divorce.
20 notes · View notes
itsagentromanoff · 9 days
Text
[Tony and Steve talk with Bucky and Sam]
Steve: Tony, it’s okay, you don’t have to do this.
Tony: Yes, I do, because you’re my friend.
Steve: [sighs] Isn’t he great? We used to have sex, you know.
Sam, Bucky: Cool.
Tony: You don’t have to mention that every time, you idiot.
56 notes · View notes
itsagentromanoff · 10 days
Text
Tony: [whistles]
Peter: Uh-oh. I hate it when you do that. I have to practice.
Tony: Not on my bot. I wish the two of you would just get along.
Peter: It’s not like we’re at constant war or anything. Dum-E doesn’t like me.
Tony: [to Dum-E] Sometimes you have to have patience with things that annoy you.
Peter: Oh, I never said he annoyed me.
Tony: I wasn’t talking to you.
Peter: Oh, funny– very, very funny.
16 notes · View notes
itsagentromanoff · 11 days
Text
Steve: Jerk.
Tony: Bitch.
Bucky: Get a room you two.
Steve: Had a room until you two soiled it.
28 notes · View notes
itsagentromanoff · 12 days
Text
Bucky: [to Tony] Do you live on a chicken farm? ‘Cause you sure know how to raise a…
[Steve ran into the room tackling Bucky]
Steve: Language!
335 notes · View notes