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bradtomlovesya · 1 year

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In The End

Tom Holland x reader

Summary: You and Tom are triying to get to his parent's house for new year's.

Warnings: a little angsty but fluff in the end.

A/N: A little bit late but here you have a little imagine about new year's. Happy New Year Everybody. I hope you like it!

w/c: 1.5k +

"We promised we'd be with your parents for New Year's" you tear off your nail polish with your teeth. A horrible habit that pops up every time you feel anxious.

"And we will" Tom nods and looks out the train window at the white snow covering the once green pastures.

Just because it took a while doesn't mean you live far from Tom's parents' house. The problem was that you were at your parents' house and they do live a bit far away.

"The train is late and it's 9pm," you stress the obvious as your knee goes up and down rapidly.

You hated being late for the festivities. Especially because you didn't want to spend New Year's Eve on a train while Tom's family waited for you.

"Babe" Tom lets his hand rest on your leg so you stop moving it. "We'll be fine. There's not much travel left and we still have time. I've already warned them and they understand so don't worry."

"This wouldn't be happening if you hadn't left your shower until the last minute. Not to mention you couldn't find your shoes." You grumble still peeling off the polish.

"Uh uh." Your boyfriend shakes his head. "I know you. I know what you're doing and I'm not going along with it."

"And what am I doing according to you? Telling the truth?" You frown. "Because if you'd been ready earlier we wouldn't have missed a train only to wait for the next one only to find out it was late."

"You're looking for an argument because you're anxious. You're trying to find blame because your mind won't stop thinking about what would have been or what could have been." Chestnut carefully removes your hand from your mouth so you stop ruining your enamel.

You inhale deeply and look down at his hand in yours. It's true. Another of your many habits.

"Why do you know me so well?" You look him straight in the eye.

"Because I pay attention to detail and know how to save arguments" he kisses your hand and steals a faint smile.

"Thank you" you kiss his hand too and take a deep breath.

"Nothing to thank" he kisses your forehead on the table that separates them and takes your handbag. "You brought the nail polish, didn't you?" he asks as he reaches into it.

"Yep. It's right there" he nods and you watch him lick his lips as he searches.

"Bingo!" he smiles and places it on the table. "Lend me your hand, I'll fix what you ruined."

"You're a total prince charming," you hold out your hand and watch him paint two of your nails with concentration.

"I'm getting better and better at this, I should do this for a living," he adds mockingly.

"I won't deny that they look much better than the first time you did them." You nod.

"Hey, that wasn't so bad. Or was it?" He looks at you for a few seconds.

"You tried to clean the edges with your fingers and since you couldn't you did it with a t-shirt which by the way is now ruined" you laugh remembering him "plus you did it from the outside in, not from the front out." You laugh more.

"Well, maybe it was a bit of a disaster," he nods with a laugh and blows your nails.

You look at him in admiration. How could you have been so lucky in life that you ended up with someone like him?

"Thank you" you smile broadly as he puts a coat of glitter over the colour. "You always know how to calm me down.

"I do my best" he concentrates on coating your nails with product. "You've always done the same for me" he says matter-of-factly.

You're calmer and it's all thanks to him. The pre-occupation leaves your body as soon as he uses his magic on you.

You want to marry him. You want it more than anything but you don't want to rush it. He'll talk to you about it when he's ready.

The train stops at around 11:12 pm. That means you have less than an hour to get home to your parents. One unpleasant surprise is that there aren't many taxis available.

The drivers must be spending New Year's with their families, you think. You should have been with Tom's family a long time ago.

"Tom, we're not going to make it in time" you roll your suitcase along the tarmac while your boyfriend is on the lookout for a taxi and an Uber at the same time.

"We will, I know we will. Okay?" He walks through the cold streets with you by his side.

The sound of wheels on tarmac keeps you busy. At least you try to, it's too cold to think.

"Tom..." you sigh, looking at your watch. 11:23 pm

"My family's house isn't far, for now let's keep moving until a taxi or uber finds us" his gaze is on his phone and on the road every time he hears a car pass by.

As you walk, a car speeds by and, because it had rained earlier, the vehicle drives over a large puddle of water and splashes it on you and Tom.

"This has got to be a joke" you complain, totally soaked, sad and annoyed.

"You idiot!" Tom exclaims but the driver is too far away to hear.

"This isn't right" You're cold, tired, hungry and anxious. You are not a good combination.

"Maybe the universe is trying to tell us something. We should give up and find a hotel." Sighs Tom, tired enough as it is. Tom never gives up and yet he's doing it right now.

You can't let him. You know how much he wanted to be with his family for New Year's.

"No," you deny. "We've come this far" you take your hand. "Let's go to that bank, swap our coats for some dry ones while we've got our suitcases, and set a fare that no driver can refuse." You smile slightly. He's been your rock, now it's up to you to be his.

"You don't have to do this. I know you're tired and it was my fault in the first place" he sighs and lowers his head.

"That doesn't matter now, love. Come on, let's go. You'll see your family for New Year's even if we're a little late."

"Okay..." she murmurs and walks with you to that bench to change their coats. You place a £300 value in the app and wait for someone to take it. A New Year's miracle is what you both need right now.

A driver accepts as soon as you are about to give up and better keep walking. You both get into the car in the back and ask the driver to turn on the heater. Both your trousers are wet and your hair is a mess.

"Sorry about that" the hazel-eyed one takes your hand and tucks a damp strand of your hair behind your ear.

"It's okay. I'm sorry I was a little anxious," you kiss the tip of his nose making him smile.

"Don't apologise for that," he denies. "Anyone in your place would have left me" he inhales deeply.

"Well then, I'll never do that." You deny. "But next time we'll take the train a day earlier" you laugh.

"I'm totally fine with that," he kisses your forehead. Public kissing is not your thing.

The car arrives at around 11:55pm and you smile internally. 5 minutes early is much better than 5 minutes late. The man driving helps you unload your bags.

"I think they made a mistake with the price, it's only £11. The man adds.

"It wasn't a mistake." Tom denies and hands £500 to the guy who does his best not to cry. "Happy New Year" he smiles and so do you.

"Happy New Year" he utters with a lump in his throat. Apparently he needed the money urgently. That's why he was working in the New Year.

"I really love everything about you. Especially how you help the people around you" you take his hand and both enter the property, ring the doorbell and wait.

"Well, if I can help, you know I will." He leaves a heartfelt kiss on your lips before the door opens and his family lets the two of you in.

As everyone talks about how worried you and Tom were, you can only be thankful that you got home just in time.

The clock strikes midnight. You're both soaking wet and freezing cold but that doesn't stop him from grabbing you around the waist and kissing you as the new year begins.

"Happy New Year, darling." His face shows those perfect little wrinkles next to his eyes that you love so much.

"Happy New Year, Tommy," you smile and blush. His family took a few steps back to give you two some privacy but you know they saw the whole thing.

The important thing is that in the end, everything went well.

|°|°|°|°|

Tom Holland Tags: @raajali3 @fangirling-galore @rogertherabbitt @powerpuffluuvv @august-cardigan @itszulli @hallecarey1 @luvmarissaaa @xoxokiaraaxoxo @kaitieskidmore1 @lnmp89 @pure-a-tea @vixparker @army24--7 @spiderydreams00 @nani-2305 @mochimm @ietss @prancerrparkerr @hpsgirlrw @hollandweather

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parkercolors · 1 year

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𖤐̫۫ 🎬 🦋 🦢︵𖧧 : i can be your superman

random moodboard

like or reblog if u save

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tomholland1996simp · 1 year

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Holland x reader where she is in a bad mood and gets angry at her brother and maybe swears at him (age 5-6)?

Bad words || Holland sister

Summary: Y/N has been having a bad day not being in the best of moods. The boys tease her and start to annoy her making her snap. But instead of just shouting she says words she knows are bad and that she’s not allowed to say

Y/N hadn’t been herself today and everyone had noticed this as soon as she walked out of her room. The little 5 year old hadn’t had the best night sleep, this meaning she was in a bad mood due to being tired. But what was really making her bad mood worse was her brothers.The Holland brothers had been in the house all day spending time together and trying to find out what was wrong with their only baby sister.

“Someone work up on the wrong side of the bed” Tom joked as he saw his sisters face when she had walked down the stairs, going straight onto the sofa not bothering to say her usual excited ‘good morning’ to everyone.

“Y/n, you wanna come eat at the table?” Dom asked his daughter from the kitchen, hearing no reply after.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Nikki approached her daughter, seeing her cuddling Tessa. No one was used to this, normally y/n was full of lots of energy she was happy in the mornings. Y/n loved waking up, going to eat breakfast with her family and most importantly her brothers.

“I’m not hungry” The small girl muttered her face hiding behind Tessa’s body. Today was just not the day for her and she wanted to be left alone..

“Not hungry! Never heard that before” Sam laughed from the kitchen.

“Okay, just let me know when you are” Nikki smiled as she rubbed y/n’s back, choosing to leave her alone for a little while.

Of course her mood didn’t get any better as the day went on. Her brothers wouldn’t leave her alone and were talking and laughing to loud for her liking. She left to go into her room for a little while to play with her toys.

“No,no. NOOO!” She screamed as tears threaten to fall from her eyes. Her new doll had been stepped on, it’s head falling off. “M-my favourite one!” She cried, already wishing the day would end. Now she was really angry, she ran down the stairs going to the bin and throwing the doll harshly into it, making a thud noise.

Tom and all his brothers were in the kitchen when they saw her run into the room, going over to the bin and throwing something inside. Tom had noticed the tears streaming down her face, seeing a angry look written across it.

“Someone’s angry” Harry laughed, Paddy slapping him across the head.

“What happened, darling-why’d you throw that in the bin” Tom asked looking into the bin seeing the new doll he had just brought her when he got back from filming.

Y/n crossed her arm over her chest after wiping her tears now angry. “Someone stepped on it! Clewrly not looking where they was going!” She stomped her foot down.

Everyone knew never to mess with the girls toys.

“I’m sure it was an accident-“ Tom tired to comfort his sister, placing a hand on her arm as he crouched down to her height.

What he didn’t expect was to see her slap his hand away harshly, “Shut up! Don’t touch me!” She shouted.

“Y/n calm down, you know your not meant to speak to people like that when they are trying to help you” Harry butted in, only making things worse.

“I don’t care!” Y/n yelled, anger taking over her. She had never been this rude to her brothers, she hasn’t even really shouted at them before.

“We’ll get you a new one, stop being a brat” Harry scoffed, to him it wasn’t a big deal but to her she loved the doll Tom had got her. Any present anyone could get her was really special. The girl was only 5, but was really kind and appreciated everything.

“Fuck you Harry!” The words flew out of her mouth, her not realising what she had said until she said it. Y/n knew them words were bad. Her parents had always told her not to use them, that’s why they had told the older boys not to swear around you. Sometimes things did come out between their sons, these words being a couple of days ago when Sam and Harry had a fight.

The boys eyes widen as the words hit them, Harry feeling a bit upset that you had said it to him. “Y/N! YOU KNOW YOUR NOT MEANT TO USE THEM WORDS!” Tom shouted, fuming with his little sister, being a bit too loud making her flinch a little.

“I-I’m sorry-I-I didn’t mean to…H-I” She sobbed before running up the stairs, shutting her door behind her. Y/n didn’t mean to be rude to her brothers, she’s been having a bad day and she took it out on them.

The five year old went under her covers crying her eyes out. Eventually she had fallen asleep not long after. Dried up tears still stained on her face. She only slept for about two hours and as she woke up she felt an arm around her holding her close.

At first she didn’t know who it was until she heard his voice. “I’m so sorry, darling” Tom spoke softly, pulling his sister closer to him.

“I-i’m sorry too, Tommy” She turned around looking at his face, using his nick name she always called him.

“Hey, don’t cry. It’s okay.” He soothed her as she shakes in his arms. “You just know your not meant to say them words, bad words. Harry is a bit upset, he didn’t mean to make you that mad. He fixed the doll though” He said making the girl feel guilty straight away.

“He did?” She asked with a little smile.

“Yeah, wanna go downstairs and apologise?” Tom asked, y/n nodding straight away moving some hair out of her face. “Just remember no more bad words”

“Yes, No more bad words” She excitedly got out of the bed going to apologise to her brother, Harry.

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heartofstanding · 2 months

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After reading your article, marriages like Eleanor and Humphrey, Katherine and John, Henry VIII and Ambeline are described as women seducing men, and men being victims... But marriages like Owen Tudor and Catherine, Richard Woodville and Jacqueta in Luxembourg, will have completely ignored the subjective initiative of women, and the description of men seducing women should be class/gender discrimination?

Hi anon, I think you're asking about what kind of narratives there were around the marriages between men and women of significantly higher status, the inverse of the type of relationships I was talking about in this blogpost I made on my sideblog that focused on Eleanor Cobham, where women married men of much higher status than themselves.

There seems to be comparatively little scholarship in this area and it would be fascinating to see what commonalities and links a study would produce. The marriage of men to women of significantly higher status than themselves does appear to have been fairly common but does not seem to have generated the same amount of commentary and infamy as the relationships between women who married men of significantly higher status. I don't mean that they didn't contract comment but that there was little sustained comment - who remembers Alice de Lacey and Eubulus le Strange? Katherine Woodville and Sir Richard Wingfield? The only high profile case I can think of is Joan of Kent and Thomas Holland.

From what I could find, there does not seem to be the equivalent narrative of the man of lesser status seducing or bewitching the high-status woman into marriage. Instead, what seems to be the common theme is, as Katherine J. Lewis says, "a standard medieval antifeminist notion: that women were naturally inclined to lust and rendered irrational to it."

Lewis was talking specifically about the case of Catherine de Valois. One contemporary chronicler remarked that she was "unable to fully control her fleshly passions" when she married Owen Tudor and even chastises her for keeping the marriage secret "so she did not claim honourable title [of marriage] during her lifetime". Tudor was described by another chronicle as "no man of birthe nother of lyflode", implying his unworthiness. But there seems to have been little rancour or blame directed at Tudor.

It's not until the 16th century where the image of Catherine as governed by her lust became the dominant narrative around her remarriage, perhaps because the rise of the Tudor dynasty and Henry VIII's marital life lent itself to it. One notable example is Edward Hall, who in 1548 described Catherine as:

beyng young and lust, folowyng more awne appetite, then frendely counsaill and regardyng more her priuate affecion then her open honour

He describes Tudor, on the other hand, as a "goodly gentilman & a beautyful person, garnished with many Godly gyftes, both of nature & of grace" - so the issue here is not that Tudor is a social-climber but that Catherine is at the mercy of her sexual desires. Probably the most extreme example of this is Nicholas Fox's claim that Catherine "bey[ed] like a very dronkyn whore" in bed with Tudor - a factoid often gleefully repeated by historians and commentators to proclaim Tudor's sexual prowess despite the fact that Fox made the claim in 1541 and is far from a reliable source. The fact that it has been almost universally used to celebrate Tudor by demeaning Catherine shows how long-lasting this type of narrative is. Polydore Vergil similarly describes Catherine dismissively as "yonge in yeres, and thereby of lesse discretion to judge what was decent for estates" and then focuses on Tudor's lineage and good qualities. Kavita Mudan Finn notes that he "succeeds in suppressing what on the surface to appears to be her agency - a second marriage of her own free will - by literally changing the subject to Owen, and by extension, Henry, Tudor". This same suppression of Catherine's agency appears again in Michael Drayton's Englands Heroicall Epistles where Catherine appears to be acting on her own initiative, wanting Tudor for herself, but Drayton has Tudor displace Catherine's agency by citing destiny as the impulse behind their union. Catherine "is reimagined as a 'a Royall Prize' for Tudor to claim", per Finn. In short, Catherine appears to be cast as oversexed and/or uncontrollable while Tudor's individual qualities and descent are celebrated and their union is seen as governed by destiny and fate.

Joan of Kent has fared similarly to Catherine in that she is primarily remembered as governed by her lust. Famously described as Froissart as "a woman more beautiful and amorous than any in the realm" and by Adam of Usk as a "woman given to slippery ways", Joan had married Thomas Holland clandestinely, then been convinced by her family to marry William Montagu (the son of the Earl of Salisbury). Around eight years later, Holland then petitioned the papacy to return Joan to him, resulting in a public scandal. When Holland died in 1360, Joan made another shocking match, this time marrying Edward of Woodstock, Edward III's eldest son and heir known to history as "the Black Prince". Joan was sometimes referred to the "Fair Maid of Kent" or "the Virgin of Kent", probably sarcastically. Thomas Austin's wife was alleged to claim that Joan's son with the Prince, Richard II, was "nevere the prynses son and ... his moder [i.e. Joan] was nevere but a strong hore". Froissart recorded a conversation between Richard and his usurper, Henry IV, where Henry alleged that a bastard gotten in adultery. W. Mark Ormrod also suggested that various narratives about Joan in the Peasants Revolt built on her carnal reputation and may have reflected even more salacious tales floating around. Thomas Walsingham emphasises Joan's other alleged, inordinate appetites around the time of her death - gluttony ("hardly able to move about because she was so fat") and a love of luxury.

It is, however, very difficult to determine how much of Joan's reputation was shaped to her marriage to a man of significantly lower status or how much it was shaped by her marriage to the man, at the time, was to be the next king of England and to whom her marriage was both scandalous and unconventional. Likely, her reputation was formed by both marriages, both feeding the other. The deposition of her son also meant that her reputation was used as a way of slandering him. Thomas Holland, on the other hand, barely seems to be mentioned, let alone criticised - even if he was in his mid-20s when he married the 12 year old Joan. In fact, Henry Knighton's chronicle positions Holland as seduced by her, crediting Holland's "desire for her" as the cause that she had been divorced from her second husband, Montagu.

Jacquetta and Richard Woodville do not seem to have drawn the same level of commentary. Lynda J. Pidgeon notes that "the marriage ... aroused no comment from English chroniclers until after the couple’s daughter, Elizabeth, married King Edward IV in 1464". though it was recorded in by continental chronicles, such as Enguerrand de Monstrelet, who recorded recorded:

In this year [1436], the duchess of Bedford, sister to the count de St. Pol, married, from inclination, an English knight called sir Richard Woodville, a young man, very handsome and well made, but, in regard to birth, inferior to her first husband, the regent, and to herself…

This has similar echoes to Hall's and Vergil's comments about the marriage of Catherine and Owen Tudor - Jacquetta marries from "inclination" a man inferior to herself but who is otherwise "very handsome and well-made". Hall includes the story of their marriage immediately after his account of Catherine and Tudor, which, as Finn says, "hints at a growing interest - and indeed, anxiety - about women's desires". Like Catherine, Jacquetta is described as marrying Woodville "rather for pleasure then for honour" and "without coū∣sayl of her frendes". Her family is said to disapprove but can do nothing - sentiments also found in Monstrelat and Jean de Wavrin. Rather than dwelling on Woodville's qualities as he does with Tudor's, Hall describes Woodville "lusty" and notes that he was made Baron Rivers, which may indicate . He does, however, mention the marriage of their daughter, Elizabeth, to the future Edward IV, a subject which he promises to return to.

The continuation of Monstrelet's chronicle links Jacquetta and Woodville's marriage to that of their daughter, Elizabeth Woodville's marriage to Edward IV, "thus linking these two unorthodox women together", per Finn. Here's what this continuation says:

After the death of the duke, his widow following her own inclinations, which were contrary to the wishes of her family, particularly to those of her uncle, the cardinal of Rouen, married the said lord Rivers, reputed the handsomest man that could be seen, who shortly after carried her to England, and never after could return to France for fear of the relatives of this lady.

It is likely that Jacquetta's unconventional second marriage helped render Jacquetta's reputation suspect and tempting to speculate that that it rendered her vulnerable to the accusations that she had used witchcraft to make Edward IV marry her daughter, Elizabeth Woodville. The unpopularity in France and Burgundy of her first marriage to John of Lancaster, Duke of Bedford and Regent of France may have also played into this view. Ricardians have certainly framed her as her as a seductress and her family as scheming, power-hungry social climbers in that regard - while also treating her as driven by her lust for Woodville. However, there is no evidence that this was the view of Jacquetta at the time, either in England or in France.

Richard Woodville is unique amongst the three men I've mentioned in that he seems to have been reviled as a man "brought up from nought", along with the rest of his and Jacquetta's prodigious offspring. This view has been spurred on by Ricardian historians that have reviled Elizabeth Woodville, where the entire family is depicted as a brood of grasping social climbers. An invasive species, if you will. I think it is likely that Jacquetta and Richard Woodville's marriage has helped furnish this view, particularly for Woodville himself. However, this particular image of Woodville and his children only seems to emerge with Elizabeth's marriage to Edward IV and the tensions between Edward, Woodville, George, Duke of Clarence and Richard Neville, Earl of Warwick ('the Kingmaker'), rather than Woodville's marriage to Jacquetta.

In short: the tendency seems to be depict the high-status woman as indulging in her own sexual desires and acting on her own will, disregarding reason, counsel and sense, while the man of lesser-status is considered handsome but bears little or no responsibility for seducing the woman. He is of less interest to contemporary chroniclers. Woodville seems to be an exception, rather than the norm, in being seen as guilty of social climbing and there it is the marriage of his daughter, not his own marriage, that gave that reputation. Owen Tudor, as the patriarchal originator of the Tudor dynasty, was celebrated by Tudor-era writers for his qualities and Welsh lineage - it would be easy to conclude that had he not been the grandfather of Henry VII, he would be entirely forgotten.

There do not seem to be any contemporary claims than Tudor, Holland or Woodville seduced, bewitched or raped their wives, whatever historical fiction novelists or pop historians claim. However, it should be noted that there are many cases where other high-status women could be abducted and forced into marriage. One example is Alice de Lacey, Countess of Lancaster. For those cases, I suggest reading Caroline Dunn's Stolen Women. It is far too long and complicated subject to summarise in a tumblr post.

Sources:

Caroline Dunn, Stolen Women in Medieval England: Rape, Abduction, and Adultery, 1100–1500 (Cambridge University Press, 2017)

David Green “‘A woman given to slippery ways’? The reputation of Joan, the Fair Maid of Kent”, People, Power and Identity in the Late Middle Ages: Essays in Memory of W. Mark Ormrod (Routledge, 2021, eds. Gwilym Dodd, Helen Lacey, Anthony Musson)

Katherine J. Lewis, “Katherine of Valois: The Vicissitudes of Reputation”, Later Plantagenet and the Wars of the Roses Consorts: Power, Influence, and Dynasty (eds. J. L. Laynesmith and Elena Woodacre, Palgrave 2023)

Kavita Mudan Finn, The Last Plantagenet Consorts: Gender, Genre, and Historiography, 1440-1627 (Palgrave Macmillan, 2012)

W. Mark Ormrod, "In Bed With Joan of Kent: The King's Mother and the Peasants Revolt", Medieval Women: Texts and Contexts in Late Medieval Britain (ed. Jocelyn Wogan-Browne, Rosalynn Voaden, Arlyn Diamond, Ann Hutchison, Carol Meale, and Lesley Johnson, Brepols 2000)

Lynda J. Pigdeon, Brought Up Of Nought: A History of the Woodville Family (Fonthill 2019)

#god i hope this makes sense as i'm tired and i've been working on this for too long #also i don't know a lot about the woodvilles so most of my discussion of them is drawn from a quick research session so #jacquetta of luxembourg #richard woodville #joan of kent #thomas holland #catherine de valois #owen tudor #asks #anonymous #text posts

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blondygwendy · 2 months

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ummmmmm I really wanna write an tom holland ff x eternal sunshine of the spotless mind inspo but jesus christ I can't even write good 😭😭

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #eternal sunshine of the spotless mind #thomas holland

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dak-attack · 2 years

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Your Snapchat if you were dating Tom Holland

Masterlist

#tom holland #tom holland fandom #tom holland imagine #thomas holland #tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader

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aintinacage · 27 days

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Ballet - Tom Holland No Shoe | @monthly-challenge

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lipstickmotherfucker · 2 years

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T'S LAUGHTER LINES ARE EVERYTHING!!!!

#laughter lines #tomholland #tom holland #tomholland2013 #tomholland1996 #tsholland #tsh #tholland #tom stanley holland #thomasstanleyholland #thomas stanley holland #thomas holland #thecrowdedroom #the crowded room #dannysullivan #danny sullivan

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mrs-heyward · 5 months

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50 MINUTES OF MY EX HUSBAND?!?!?

Yes please!

#tom holland #holland #thomas holland #peter parker #spider man homecoming #spider man

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whoispiderman · 1 year

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will it be if tom watches anime?? TOM HOLLAND CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? ?? YOU'VE WATCHED ONE PIECE?????

#tom holland #one piece #spiderman #thomas holland #london boy

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bradtomlovesya · 1 year

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R.I.P To The Old You

Tom Holland x reader

Summary: Tom has been changing a lot lately, that doesn't mean it's a bad thing, does it?

Warnings: ANGST!, swearing, bad ending!

w/c: 3.4k +

Author's Note: I am back, bitches! I am a whore for angst as always ♡. Hope you enjoy and reblogs, likes and comments are highly appreciate it as always.

(Gif not mine)

You met Tom just before he started filming his Spider-man: Homecoming movie. His first Spider-man movie, that was a big change to go through. Tom dealt with it in the best way possible, he was playing his favorite superhero from when he was a kid and that was more than enough.

Back then Holland was fun, creative and you could say a bit naive. He always saw the best in people, even when those people didn't deserve it. Tom has always been too good to be true and maybe that's one of the reasons you fell deeply in love with him. It wasn't hard to do, Tom is like one of those characters in books that you always read. He was human and no one is perfect, of course he is not the exception but Tom was perfect in your eyes.

With a little caution and care he also fell in love with you. You didn't understand how or why but that was the least important thing. Tom fell for you as much as you did for him and it has been that way for 5 years.

You were 18 when you started dating and he was 21. Now you are about to turn 23 and nothing could have been better in those 5 years. Tom has filmed many movies, including two more Spiderman movies and you have been there every step of the way supporting him. You couldn't be prouder of him.

Tom has also been a rock for you during all these years of your relationship. He is the one who has been with you every step of the way and has never let you down and you appreciate that more than anything.

Your relationship was kept private for a while but it became harder and harder to keep it a secret so, just a year into dating, a picture of you kissing on the beach appeared in every newspaper and magazine online. Who you were was a complete mystery to everyone and you were chased by paparazzi more times than you can count.

Still, as everything happens, so did the news. Everyone got used to seeing you together and then you went from being the news of the year to just another couple in Hollywood. There's always one or two paparazzi taking pictures of you, but there is no fresh news anymore. Everyone knows you've been together for 5 years and the only thing Tom gets asked about you in his interviews is if you have plans to get married. Of course you do, but not right now.

These 5 years have been good. However, for the past two years you have been noticing changes in Tom's behavior. They have been subtle changes but they have not gone unnoticed by you.

They are both good and bad changes. You know that people change, grow and transform all the time... it's just that sometimes you long for the way things used to be. Sometimes you miss the 21-year-old Tom after filming his first movie.

Especially now when you're sitting on the couch watching Tom on the patio smoking a cigarette to control the amount of stress he's feeling about the new series he's filming.

You were never a fan of that habit and he knows it more than anyone. That's why he doesn't smoke inside the house, he understands perfectly well that the smell of cigarette smoke makes you dizzy to death.

Your birthday is tomorrow. That's why Tom came back from the States for a few days to spend it with you. Although, to say he came back is saying too much. His body was here, clearly. But his mind was elsewhere.

The moment you saw Tom put out his cigarette, you turn your head and look at the TV in front of you that you weren't even watching. You only had it on for mere noise. A habit you had picked up since your boyfriend became more famous and his stays in America longer.

Tom enters the house feigning nonchalance, something he does when he doesn't want you to ask him what's wrong. He approaches you to kiss you and just before he does your hand stops him.

"I'm sorry, the cigarette smell is too strong" you apologize. The smell is indeed unpleasant for you and the last thing you want is to be rude, you hope he understands as he always has, but this time he does not.

"It's just a cigarette, I don't understand why the fuck it bothers you so much." He spits with disdain and your reaction is one of disgust.

"Love, you know the smell gives me a headache even if I don't want it." You try to keep your composure. You don't want to argue, not after he's been away so long.

"And it's annoying that I can't kiss my girlfriend just because of that." He says in all seriousness.

"I have mints, I can bring them over and then do a make out session" you smile. While that's not going to get rid of the smell completely, it's going to make it a little more enjoyable for you.

"Never mind anymore" he shakes his head. "What time is the party?" he looks at you.

"Five in the afternoon." You don't argue that he's forgotten either. You know he's got a lot on his mind.

"That's okay. I was thinking of going to a spa with the guys in the morning and part of the afternoon." He opines.

"Sounds like a really good idea to me, maybe then you can get rid of some of the stress you're dealing with" ~as long as you don't forget the party~ you think.

You move on the couch until you're on his lap and he looks at you with a raised eyebrow.

"Little mint?" you pout and hold it out to him.

You finally see him smile and take the mint in his mouth at which he shakes his head. "You weren't going to give up, were you?" he asks.

"No" you laugh lightly and play with the hair on the back of his neck. "I've missed you." You murmur and press your forehead to his. Your hands slide down to his shoulders and you begin to massage him, feeling his muscles relax under your touch.

"And I've missed you too..." he smiles and closes his eyes for a moment to rest them. "As much as I like that massage I have a better idea for stress release" his hands move down to your butt and linger there.

"Ah yes, which one?" You raise an eyebrow. You ask even though you already know the answer.

"This one..." he kisses your lips and moves his kisses down your neck. "I feel like hearing you moan my name... what do you say?"

You nod feeling the wetness between your legs and before a word is out of your mouth, Tom is already carrying you towards the bedroom.

~♡♥︎♡~

Unfortunately, fate did not seem to be in your favor. It had been three hours since the party had started and Tom still hadn't arrived.

You felt sad and tired. You didn't want to keep making excuses to the other guests, who were your friends and family, as to why your boyfriend wasn't at your party.

The truth is that Tom had run out of time. He fell asleep after a few massages and, since he had left his phone in the locker to avoid the anxiety of looking at it, he hadn't checked the time for a long time. Holland only wanted one thing, to stop thinking about his social media and, not to worry about his acting career, at least for a couple of hours.

His friends had left a while ago already because they had things to do and had left him alone. It wasn't until Tom overheard two workers talking about the end of the shift that he realized it was already after 7 pm.

"Excuse me, can you tell me what time it is?" Tom asks one of the masseuses.

"It's 8:34 pm, sir" she replies politely.

"What?!" He exclaims. "No no no no no no no. It's already too late" Tom gets up, gets dressed as fast as he can and drives to your shared home. "God... what an idiot" he mutters to himself as he drives and tries to call you but you don't answer.

"Answer, answer, answer, answer..." he mumbles over and over to himself but it always goes to voicemail. "Shit!" He exclaims and slams the steering wheel.

How could Tom forget your birthday party?

"I'm sure something happened and he couldn't make it" Harry tries to cheer you up.

"You said the last time you saw him he was on a massage table" you sigh and take off your shoes, you were exhausted. "I don't think anything happened to him" you deny. "He just forgot" you mutter.

To say your boyfriend forgot your birthday party is total torture.

"Are you sure you want to stay alone?" Sam asks to whom his girlfriend was already waiting in the car.

You had already sent everyone home with the excuse that you had to work tomorrow and your head hurt too much.

"I'm sure, but thanks for coming guys, it was nice..." you smile slightly.

The party wasn't a fiasco. In fact you were surrounded by people who love you so it wasn't too bad. Except for the fact that you just wanted to spend time with Tom and he hadn't shown up.

Harry and Sam left together. You walked to the kitchen to get some water and throw away some disposables that were lying around.

Tom arrived a few minutes later.

"I'm home!" He announces hoping it's not too late but when he sees you alone in the kitchen, a lump forms in his throat. "Where is everyone?" he asks in confusion and walks in your direction.

"They've already left. I wasn't feeling well enough to continue the party" you reply honestly.

"I'm really sorry" he tries to meet your gaze but you avoid him. "Y/n I-."

"I don't want your explanations" you deny "I'm tired, I'll go to sleep". You walk past him to go to your bedroom and he takes your arm

"Babe, please," he begs. "I'm really sorry."

"I know. I know you're sorry" you sigh. "But right now I feel hurt and really upset so please just let me go to sleep." You look him in the eye. You're serious, you're not in the mood to argue, you just want to lie down, cry and try to sleep.

His look is sad and he doesn't want to do it but he accepts it. He lets go of your arm slowly and lets you walk to your room. When he hears you lock the door he knows he will have to get a blanket and settle down in the guest room to sleep.

~♡♥︎♡~

You don't leave the room until around 1 pm. You know that as soon as you do Tom will be there to apologize - again - and you must prepare yourself to deal with that.

"I made pancakes for breakfast but now it's more of a brunch" he jokes trying to lighten the mood as soon as you enter the kitchen.

"Thanks" you nod and pour yourself a glass of orange juice.

"Y/n?" your boyfriend asks.

"Hmm?" You make a sound in response.

"Can we talk about yesterday? I really want to fix it."

"I'm listening." You turn to look at him and fold your arms with your body leaning against the kitchen counter.

"I lost track of time yesterday and it was really stupid of me. I have no excuses, I just apologize and promise it won't happen again." He licks his lips and watches you waiting for you to say something.

"It's already forgotten" you smile slightly. Tom is only staying a few more days and you don't want to spend this time arguing.

"Are you sure?" He raises an eyebrow, He was expecting it to be much harder.

"Yep" you nod and lean in to kiss his cheek.

"Okay, thanks" he nods and smiles "Can Haz, Tuwaine, Harry and Sam come over today?"

"Sure, I don't see why not. I'll go change."

You go to the room and do what you said you would. Being honest you expected Tom to try a little harder... like he did before. But he was someone different now. That didn't mean something exactly wrong, did it?

Anyway, the boys arrived. They were all sitting and talking in the garden. You went to the kitchen to get them some snacks and what you saw was not at all pleasant. A small plate that your mother had given you - which by the way was one of your favorites - had been used as an ashtray and that hurt you to the bottom of your heart. Other people might think it's stupid, but that plate had great sentimental value for you, your mother loved that plate too. It was almost a family heirloom.

You inhaled deeply and exhaled trying to calm down. You didn't want to argue but Tom was making it extremely difficult because he kept acting like he didn't care enough about you anymore.

You walked out into the garden and tried to sound as neutral as possible.

"Tom, do you have a minute?" you ask.

"I'll come with you in a little while, honey. We're about to finish our game" he points to the cards in his hand.

"Now, please" your voice doesn't tremble. You are upset and you are making a great effort not to explode.

Tom sighs heavily and stands up. He warns the boys not to check his cards and tells them it will only take a minute.

"What's up?" he asks and folds his arms once you two are in the kitchen.

"You used my mother's plate as an ashtray," you point at him.

"It was the first one I saw, no big deal" he shrugs.

"Tom... this plate is important to me and now it reeks of cigarette smoke" you're hurt. Really hurt.

"Don't be dramatic, y/n. It's just a plate" he

rolls his eyes. His tone was so dismissive you wanted to believe the person in front of you wasn't you Tom.

"It's important to me!" You exclaim. "You couldn't have taken anything else?"

"It's just a plate!" He exclaims "fine! I'll clean it up and be done with it." He takes the plate and tosses the cigarette butts in the trash roughly.

"Tom, please be careful." You ask.

"I am careful!" He spits in annoyance and walks to the sink to reluctantly wash it out.

"Tom, please" you plead.

"All this over a simple dish" he speaks to himself but you can hear him. "You interrupted a pleasant moment with my friends over a pl-"

"Tom!" You exclaim as soon as the object is forcibly knocked out of his hands and falls to the ground causing a clatter.

"I-" Your boyfriend stares at the pieces on the floor with utmost concern. He didn't mean for this to happen. "Y/n..." he tries to speak but Haz interrupts him as he enters the house.

"Is everything okay?" the blond asks and looks at the broken porcelain on the floor. "What happened?"

You wipe away a tear quickly and do your best not to break down in front of them. "You broke it" you mutter and shake your head in disapproval.

"We should get going" Harry says. They had all seen the chaos by now and knew it was none of their business. "Thanks for everything, see you later"

The boys said their goodbyes and left you alone in stony silence.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for it to break up." The brown-haired man tries to excuse himself.

"Lately all you do is apologize," you reply.

"Forgive me, please" tries to approach but you back away.

"I don't like this Tom" you deny and feel tears come to your eyes. "I miss the old you" you murmur sadly. "I want the Tom who cared about me" you look at him.

"I care about you" he is quick to reply.

"No, at least not like before," you deny. "I've been nothing but understanding, but I can't keep quiet anymore just to avoid a fight," you sob.

"Love, please don't say that..." he pleads.

"I know you miss your friends, but we haven't spent nearly as much time together because you'd rather be with them than me" you wipe away your tears and continue, "you're smoking like a chimney, don't want to talk about it and you don't care how I might feel" you take a deep breath "You forget my birthday and you won't even talk to me about what's happening to you."

"I didn't forget your birthday, I gave you a necklace" he excuses himself.

"You didn't give me a necklace" you deny. "But that doesn't matter, Thomas. I just wanted you to be with me on my birthday."

"I didn't give you the necklace?" He asks confused.

"No" you sigh heavily. You're not interested in material gifts.

Tom runs upstairs and rummages through his drawers for the necklace he bought for you. It was still there, you were right. He had forgotten your birthday.

The brown-haired man came back downstairs and saw you trying to pick up the broken pieces of the plate from the floor. A wave of guilt swept over him. Everything you had said was true.

"I bought it for you for your birthday," he mutters and places the small box on the kitchen counter. "I forgot to give it to you," he swallows hard.

"Thank you" you reply without looking at him, you're tired of this.

"I feel completely stupid for what I've put you through". Tom speaks and you remain silent.

"You only realise what you're doing when the damage is done." You throw the pieces in the bin and go to the garden to pick up the multiple beer bottles.

"Leave that, I can do it" he walks over to you and tries to help you but you stop him. "Y/n please, I can fix this."

"You're not the same as you used to be and I don't know if I'm sure I like the person you are now" you sigh.

"What does that mean?" asks Tom with a frown.

"That you've changed," you sigh. "I don't know if I like this new version of you and I'm not saying it's bad but-" you squeeze your eyes shut trying to find the words "but I don't think the new you would work with me in a relationship."

"Y/n please, I love you and you know it. It's not fair for us to argue about this." He denies.

"I did my best not to argue, believe me I did," you feel the tears on your cheeks again. "Do you really love me or are you just saying that out of habit?" You ask him and Tom is silent.

He was so used to saying it to you that he never really thought about it until now. Maybe now it was just some monotony, maybe he didn't care about you as much as he used to.

"I'll take your silence as you've never analysed it" a knot forms in your throat. You still love him as you have since the beginning of your relationship.

"I'm sorry, I guess I have changed," he nods guiltily and runs his hand through his hair.

"Don't worry, it's not your fault," you smile sadly. "It's not your fault you don't love me.

"I do love you" he corrects you. "It's just that-" you stop him.

"Not like before, I understand" you complete his sentence and stare at the ceiling with your tongue pressed to the roof of your mouth. According to you, that kept you from crying more.

"Maybe some time to clear my head is what I need," he murmurs.

"Sure, as you wish," you nod.

'Some time' that's a lie and you know it. This is the end of it.

"Do you hate me?" He asks sadly.

"I could never do that," you deny and take one of his hands. "I hope you find out who you are now," you say sincerely.

"Will you wait?" he asks hopefully. Tom hopes this is all just a phase and he can love you again like he used to.

"As much as I can" you nod and kiss his cheek. "But I can't promise it will be just the time you need."

You murmur. Tom expects you to really wait for him.

But little you know Tom may never love you the same way again, and it's best not to get your hopes up.

Maybe saying "R.I.P." to his old self is the best option.

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