#i'm going to leave someday but i will never forget you because i've loved you so much. too much. and i can never forget you | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spookyxsprinkles · 3 months

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Freezer Burn

todoroki touya × gender neutral and poc friendly reader

not safe for work // 6.3k words // AO3. warnings: angst, break up, arguing, crying, touya has an avoidant attachment style, dialogue heavy, poor communication, nipple biting, oral, possessive, fingering, spooky doesn't know how to write.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"Don't be so melodramatic. We weren't even dating," Touya said, taking his keys out of his pocket.

"I--I know but... you know what I mean."

"What do you expect me to say?" He scoffed. "That I'm sorry? 'Cause I'm not. I don't want this."

"Liar."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." He opened the door of your apartment and walked out towards his car.

"You think I don't know you're pushing me away on purpose?" You follow him out, not caring that you had different shoes on. "As much as you like to pretend you don't care, I know you--"

He interrupted you with an angry laugh, before turning to face you as he reached the sidewalk in front of his car. "You must be delusional if you think you have me all figured out. Don't tell me what I feel. You don't fucking know me."

His car's lights flashed as it unlocked and he opened the door, standing there and glaring at you like if you had spit in his face. Maybe, in his mind, you did.

"I don't need to know every little thing about you to know that you're lying to yourself because you're afraid."

"Afraid of what, huh? Afraid that I'll actually start to care about you as more than just a hole I use to get my rocks off, before ghosting you like all the others that came before? Yeah, you're not special, sweetheart," his hands trembled with fury.

You visibly flinched at his words.

You knew he was right. You were acquainted with him through mutual friends for quite some time before getting physically involved with him. You knew of his non-committal self-sabotaging tendencies. You knew, but it didn't make his words hurt any less.

A flash of guilt flickered in his icy eyes but it disappeared just as soon as it came thanks to the scorching heat of his emotions. You swallowed the lump forming in your throat, trying to keep your voice steady as you spoke quietly with stinging eyes.

"Maybe I'm not special, but at least I can be honest with myself. Which is more than you can say about yourself."

He threw his hands up in the air, laughing. "Real cute coming from you. I'm not the one that's so desperate for attention I start writing sappy love stories in my head. Maybe someday you'll find someone who wants to deal with this shit, but it's not gonna be me."

He moved to get in his car, so you took a few steps forward which was enough to catch his attention and stop him from getting in.

"You were just as lonely and desperate for attention as me when we first met, Touya. You parade around all day acting like you don't care about anything, you can't feel anything, but if that was the case you wouldn't come back. You always come back home."

It was a slip up a few months ago. The two of you were out with some friends at a karaoke room and he said he wanted to go home. You never brought it up to him, but he could tell from the way you nearly choked on your food, that you heard him. Since then, every time he heard the word 'home' he'd think about that moment and regret letting himself drink enough to forget his common fucking sense.

And now you had acknowledged that it was a real moment that actually happened when he'd much rather shove the memory away and pretend it was something someone else said. Someone not him.

You stood a few feet in front of him, sniffling and staring down at the tires of his car that he had taught you how to change and fill with air without you asking him to.

"You're the most stubborn person I've ever met. You never do anything you don't want to do, but you kept coming back." You wiped your nose, ignoring the feeling of the hot tears spilling down your cheeks. "Even now, you're still standing here, talking with me instead of leaving. If you didn't care, you would have already left."

He froze as if you had pushed the pause button on his anger. He stared at you intensely. The only sounds breaking the silence was a dog barking at sirens in the distance and your sniffles.

He hated that you were right.

"So what?"

He got in his car, slamming the door in anger and started the engine.

He buckled his seat belt and turned in his seat to look through the rear window as he slowly backed out of the parking space.

You panicked, suddenly shoving your upper body inside his open window.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing!?" He hit the breaks immediately, causing you to flail as you lost your balance and he swiftly grabbed your arms to keep you from slipping and busting your head on asphalt.

"W--We haven't finished talking..!" You gasped, feeling your heartbeat pounding in your chest. "If you leave now, you'll only feel worse later!"

He simply stared at you in disbelief. His mind was screaming at him to get the hell out of there. The only thing stopping him from flooring the gas pedal was the fact that your legs still dangled helplessly outside of the car as you struggled to get inside.

You looked ridiculously stupid as you clung to the window with a tear streaked face. You also seemed so determined…

"Get out of my car," he snapped. "Right now."

He released a hand from you and moved it towards the handle of the door, but you caught his wrist with your hands.

"No," you said as firmly as your grip on his wrist.

His eyes watched as you continued to struggle to balance your body on the door comfortably. He had no idea what your endgame was here.

"You're fucking crazy."

"I love you, Touya," you gasped out. "I'm in love with you and I know you're afraid. I know you've been hurt before. I know you hate everything that's happening right now, but I can't let you leave like this." You tried wiping your eye by rubbing it against your shoulder, before looking back at him.

"I won't force you to stay with me and I won't force you to share things you don't want to share, but I also won't let you run away without us properly talking things through. If we're gonna break up then I don't want to let it end with that as one of our regrets."

He hated that you weren't giving up on him so easily.

Touya stared at you as you spoke. You were so calm and reasonable in spite of the ridiculous position you were in. There was no anger or irritation in your voice, just sincerity and...

He let out a deep breath in an attempt to stay calm.

"That's very big of you," he said defensively. He was always so defensive. "Trust me, it's better this way."

Your eyes studied his face before you decide to take the plunge and vocalize the thoughts that had been swimming around in your head recently. "Is it better or is it just the easiest way to avoid your feelings of inadequacy and fear of rejection?"

You watched as his eyes widened a minuscule amount that likely would've gone unnoticed if you hadn't known him for so long. You could feel the flames of his rage from the way his face contorted, his mouth opening to set you ablaze.

Your hands slipped down from his wrist to hold his hand gently in yours, your thumbs resting on the back of his hand.

Your grip was loose. He could easily pulled himself free if he wanted to.

But he didn't.

And that's all you needed.

"I've seen you be blunt beyond the point of just being rude to others and to yourself. You have standards that make it easy for you to look down on those who don't meet them yet even the ones that do fit them get pushed away. You easily say whatever's on your mind, unless what's on your mind risks leaving you vulnerable."

Your thumbs delicately drew circles into the dark marks on the back of his hand that were uniquely his. A sad smile marred your face as you continued to speak.

"I'm always watching you, always listening." Your eyes looked up into his, persevering through his gaze that scorched anything he deemed a threat. "You'd rather be alone than feel alone."

He was speechless as he watched you speak. You read him like an open book. A book he routinely burned whenever someone poked and prodded in a pathetic attempt to get closer to him. How had he let his fire get extinguished so easily? How did it not burn you like it did everyone else?

Like it burned him.

Even he was unable to escape his own flames unscathed.

The fantasy that played in his mind's eye was one where you patiently stood before him as the smoke cleared. His eyes stung and his breathing hitched at the thought.

He sighed deeply, looking more tired than you'd ever seen him before.

"I was serious," his words and tone contrasting with the heavy look he carried on his face. "You're wasting your time if you expect me to tell me what you wanna hear."

You shook your head, "I'm not asking you to say it back. I don't need words when your actions mean more to me." I bring his knuckles to my lips, pressing a soft kiss before looking into his eyes, "Besides, if it's time you're worried about, I wouldn't mind wasting it together."

His entire body reflexively ached to leave at the display of vulnerability, yet he couldn't tear his eyes away from you.

Words escaped him as he stared back into your eyes with a confusing mix of fear and hope swirling in his icy blues.

He swallowed hard and finally spoke, "So, all this time," he started as he gathered his bearings, "you've been watching me like some kind of weirdo?"

"Of course," you laughed softly. The movement set a jolt of pain to your abdomen that reminded you of your current position. "Can we go back inside and talk? My stomach hurts from hanging out in your car like this..."

You hissed as you tried to remove yourself from the car. It was definitely gonna leave a mark. He waited until you moved back to the sidewalk before he parked and got out.

"I didn't tell you to jump through the window like a maniac. Seriously, what's wrong with you?"

"Desperate times call for--"

"Dumb ass fucking measures?"

"Yes, precisely. Glad we're on the same page."

He rolled his eyes as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, walking back to the apartment. "Masochist."

"Sadist."

"You know the door was unlocked, right? I was gonna show you 'til you started manhandling me."

"Never let them know your next move."

"So, just dangle like an idiot and hope you don't get run over?"

"I'll admit I'm not good under pressure."

He snorted as you opened the door. He just realized you had chased him out in different shoes. Desperate times, indeed.

"Anyways," you continued as you shut the door behind you and removed your shoes, "You liked it. Thought it was super cool and hot when I was flailing around like an idiot."

"Yeah," he said genuinely, catching you off guard and nearly causing you to trip over the entryway step, but you caught yourself against his arm.

You looked up at him with hopeful eyes. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," he repeated sincerely, his eyes staying on yours. "I did."

You swallowed, feeling your eyes prickle with tears as your mouth gaped at him.

He pinched your cheek.

"C'mon," he said as he walked away from you and further into your home to take a seat on the couch. "Let's do this talking thing. We can watch a movie after or whatever..."

You couldn't see his face as he walked away but you could hear his uncharacteristically breathy inflection and stiff tone when he spoke. Was he feeling nervous? Shy..?

The fact that he was the one trying to get the conversation started rather than avoiding it made your chest bloom with warmth. You had expected him to come up with other things to do first in order to put off the awkward and uncomfortable feelings for a bit longer.

You hopped over to him with a blindingly bright grin, sitting near him on the couch to give him some space for this conversation. However, he pulled your body closer to his so that your sides were pressed up against each other. He wrapped an arm around you while you leaned against his chest.

"So..." he started and you could hear something akin to timidity in his tone so you hugged him, letting your hands affectionately stroke his sides. "I'm shit at feelings."

You wanted to laugh at his blunt word choice but didn't want to come off as mocking and discourage him from speaking. "You are not shit at feelings. You seem to feel things quite strongly. We just need to work on helping you feel more comfortable with letting them out in a healthy way, rather than boxing them up and defaulting to avoidance."

"So, I'm shit at feelings."

"If you say that one more time I am going to bite you."

"I'm shit at-- what the fuck!"

"You were warned."

"My fucking tit--"

"Not my fault it's so chewy."

"I'm shit at-- don't you bite me you fucking animal. Hear me out." He had pinched your cheek again to stop your open mouth from it's impending attack. "I'm shit at this. I know. Don't… laugh at me."

Your eyes softened and you brought your hand up to cup the one he had squeezing your cheek. He released his hold on your skin but you kept it held as you let it slide down to your lap.

"It might feel a bit awkward for you but I promise I won't think less of you for sharing your feelings. I appreciate that you've been trying."

"'Been trying?' I've done jack shit."

"No, you have done 'shit'." You reassured him as your fingers drew circles into the skin of his hand. "You came inside--"

"I always come inside," he smirked.

You bit him again.

"What? No complaint for me this time, Touya?"

"I deserved it."

"Masochist."

"Sadist."

Your lips pursed for a moment as you tried to remember where you were.

"Ah, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," you glared at him playfully, "You've already shown me that you're trying. You came back inside, initiated our talking time, and you're participating, too. I know emotional stuff feels hard, but I'm really, really proud of you."

He let out a 'tch' in jest, before leaning down to whisper into the side of your head. "In case you forgot, I also listened to you while you tried playing leap frog on my car."

"Very true, but I didn't forget. I didn't want to include it since I was practically holding you hostage at the time."

"Hostage?" He laughed haughtily, "If I really wanted to leave you I would've ran you over."

"Why is that strangely sweet..."

"'Cause you're a damn masochist. Get help."

"This, coming from the sadist..." The room was quiet as I rubbed his chest lightly with one hand. "I was really scared you were going to leave earlier, Touya. Like, for good."

He clenched his jaw but didn't say anything, opting to listen since he knew she probably had more to say on the matter. And she did.

"I was afraid that I scared you off by talking about-- about whatever menial domestic thing it was we were talking about before. I can't even remember what it was." You clutched his shirt without thinking as you struggled to remember what could've been the catalyst to losing the person you loved.

"Toilet paper," he stated after a pause. "You read about some sale at the store and were talking about how we should go before the weekend so we could stock up. Then you mentioned wanting to buy me strawberry ice cream."

Silence.

"It all sounded so permanent, so easy to you." You could feel his body tense as he struggled to force himself to speak. "Seeing a future where we go grocery shopping for toilet paper and you buying me something. Something that'll sit in the freezer waiting for me even when I'm not around. Something just for me." His last words were barely a whisper.

Your mouth felt dry, it made sense. He had a hard time staying in one place for too long if it felt like he was being smothered or expected to do things he didn't want to do. Your apartment was no exception, even if he clearly spent more time here than any other place.

"Yeah, you're not special, sweetheart."

You felt a cold ache in your chest at the thought of his angry words from earlier.

You told yourself they were just that, angry words. If they were true, would he have bothered to come back at all? No. You knew Touya was good at lying and even better at emotional warfare. It's how he protected himself. He hadn't done it to you since before the two of you were friends, back when you were just another random person trying too hard to get to know him. Today was the first time in years he had said something that caused you to feel bad about yourself.

You would need to talk about it with him later. Right now you wanted to hear him out, so you shove the memory away for now. You can worry about it later.

As painful as it was to hear him speak of his troubles with having a place to call home, you were grateful to him for really trying. Really, it was incredible just how far he's come already. You always knew he was a fast learner if he wanted to be and this meant so much to you. He had never let himself get this vulnerable with you before.

You wanted to tell him something in response but why did it have to be now, of all times, that you couldn't find the words to speak?

You forced yourself to swallow and nodded at him in encouragement. You didn't want to cry and risk him getting cold feet about the feelings thing. You didn't want him to think this was a mistake and that you couldn't handle the truth, because you could, you just felt deeply for the inner conflicts that took place inside of his head. His fears, his happiness, his efforts... it all meant the world to you and it was really getting to you.

You quietly cleared your throat and with a hoarse voice said, "I can see how that would have caused you to react the w-way that you did."

You mentally cursed yourself for the way your voice broke pathetically mid-sentence. "Sorry about that." And you were. You knew he got flighty over things like that but in the moment I just wasn't thinking.

"Hey, don't wimp out on me now." He pinched at your cheek again. "If I'm gonna bare my damn soul or whatever the hell, you sure as shit better not hold out on me. If you gotta get weepy, then get weepy. I'll save the laughing for later."

Your lips trembled at his words and you can feel your face crumple as you bury it into his chest and wept.

"I was so scared I lost you, Touya."

He stared down at you, committing the sight to memory.

His carelessness did this.

He pulled you in closer to him and placed his cheek on the crown of your head. A little while later you calmed down, sniffling and apologizing for accidentally turning his shirt into a tissue.

"Sorry, this is really embarrassing," you sniffled out with a stuffy nose.

He took in the sight of your puffy eyes and runny nose, before looking away. "S'whatever. I know you, too, you know. That thing you said earlier? About you always watching and listening? I do the same shit with you. If being a crybaby helps, then do it unless you wanna be shit at feelings, too."

Sniffle. "We're both not the best at handling our own feelings, huh..."

"An understatement, in my case."

"It's good that you're acknowledging the areas where you could use some improvement." You say as you reach up to cup his cheek and kissed the corner of his lip. "You're doing so well, Touya."

The way your thumb gently rubbed the pale skin of his cheek while you looked at him with honey in your eyes made his chest ache.

"You--" he swallowed as he held your gaze, "think so?"

You nodded and leaned in to press another kiss on his lips. "I know so."

He felt that familiar urge to run away when shit got too personal, but he yearned for more of the pure warmth you offered to his cold, sorry existence.

"I can't promise to always be better. I'll fuck up. I know it. Just don't give-- don't give up on me."

Sharing feelings was embarrassing, painfully so. At least, that's what he told himself to explain the lump in his throat when he struggled to say the words out loud. His hand moved to your thigh and squeezed it, "I'm stubborn but I don't want to fuck this up. When I fuck up, I'll need time to get my head out of my ass."

You felt like crying again seeing how desperately he tried to let you know he wasn't going to always be good at the communication, but he wanted to be and he was trying.

"I'll sit in the freezer waiting for you."

"I-- what? The hell?"

You laugh softly at his dumbfounded expression. "I'll be the ice cream sitting in the freezer waiting for you. So, don't worry about having to rush the process. Do your best. I believe in you, Touya."

He stared at your face for a moment.

"You have low iron. The freezer would kill you."

"I'll be fine 'cause you're always warm."

He once again felt that familiar ache in his chest that he usually got around you. "Wait too long and you'll get freezer burn."

"Are you saying a little freezer burn would keep you from eating your favourite ice cream?" You paused when you noticed his amused expression. "Okay, I walked myself into that one."

"Yeah," the corner of his lip twitched as his eyes darkened. "You did."

"Hey, I know that look. We need to finish talking first-- T-Touya!"

He grabbed your legs, flipping you on your back against the couch with him crawling over you.

"Don't you wanna reward me for doing well so far?" He asked in a low voice. You whimpered at the sight of his heavily lidded eyes looking down at you, amused with your flustered face.

"W-Well, positive reinforcement is a good way of encouraging good behavior, so yes we can, but you have to swear we will talk about this right after-"

He expertly rolled his hips against you, making you gasp. "I'm feeling pretty encouraged right now. You can feel it too, I bet."

You definitely felt it.

He kissed your lips as he removed your bottoms, pushing the backs of your knees as far against as he knew you could comfortably take, exposing the entirety of you in your underwear.

"I swear," he licked a slow stripe against the fabric before pushing it to the side and staring hungrily at your flesh, "on my god damn dick, we'll talk right after I make you come at least four times."

"F-Four?" You could feel his thumb teasing you as he swiped up and down your flesh.

"Five now," his lips wrapped around your sweet spot. He sucked while rubbing his tongue against it at the same time, making your body shudder.

He needed to make up for making you cry so much today.

Your hips bucked against his face, then his fingers.

"So fucking eager after all that talking, huh?" He gave a lopsided grin as he licked the taste of you left behind on his lips. "Yeah, we're definitely talking more often."

He soaked his fingers with the bottle of lube he liked leaving between the seat cushions for times like these. You felt one of his slick fingers tease your tight hole.

"Tell me who fucks you better than me."

"N-No one!"

"Weak shit. Say it again."

"You're the only one who fucks me t-this well!"

He slowly pressed his finger in, the stretch making you sing. He took his time prepping you before inserting another finger and moving in and out of you. He lapped you into whines, working his hand at the pace he knew drove you wild. You cried out praises for him, which he liked almost as much as he liked fucking you to tears.

"And who does this hole belong to? Who owns the rest of this pretty body?"

"Y-You do, it's yours, Touya! It's all yours for you to use as you please!"

You felt your legs trembling as he kept his hands busy with fucking you. The coil inside of you tightening as he vigorously pumped and sucked.

"T-Touya..!" You voice broke as you wailed.

He smirked, feeling satisfied at how fervently your hips bucked against him. You were a needy mess and he hadn't even stretched you with his fat cock yet.

Soon.

"It's mine. You're all fucking mine." His head dived back in and you felt yourself on the precipice of-

"Yeah, you're not special sweetheart."

You shook your head and looked down at him as he looked up at you. He sucked you hard, making your back arch. You were so close.

You stared through half lidded eyes, throat already sore from the sounds he'd easily pulled from you. You tried to focus on the view of him pleasuring you with expertise. Your was mouth open as you shut your eyes and leaned your head back against the couch. You were so close.

"Afraid of what, huh? Afraid that I'll actually start to care about you as more than just a hole I use to get my rocks off, before ghosting you like all the others that came before you?"

You grit your teeth.

Now was not the time for this.

Your eyes shut. You forced the memory away from the forefront of your mind. It doesn't matter right now, you'll tell him how you feel about it later.

Now wasn't the time.

Later.

...

"Fuck!!" You felt Touya pull his body away from you. "Did I not hear you say the safeword!?"

You opened your eyes and Touya's blurry face had moved from in between your legs to kneeling on the floor beside where you laid on the couch. You blinked your eyes and wiped them with your hands. Oh.

You were crying again.

The realization brought more tears and you looked over at Touya who stared down at you fearfully.

"Maybe someday you'll find someone who wants to deal with this shit, but it's not gonna be me."

"Hey, what--" his voice cracked.

Your body shook as you sobbed into your hands.

A sinking feeling had found it's place in his stomach. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't-- I didn't hear you-"

"T-That's not it." Your voice muffled by your hands and your stuffed nose as you continued to sob. "The sex was consensual the w-whole time."

He looked down at you confused. Relieved that he hadn't hurt you in that way, but stressed since he didn't know what happened to you. His chest burned with anxiety and it made him feel restless. He grabbed your throw blanket and pulled it over you, which you used to hide your sloppy face as you tried to calm yourself down.

"Touya," you cried quietly and he stared down at you frozen with fear.

It was him.

"Tell me what I did." He knew he'd fuck up. He just didn't think it'd be this soon.

You didn't want to hurt him. You wanted to protect him but how could you protect him from the very words he spat at you in a desperate rage? Not speaking up about your own feelings fully and pushing them aside for someone else's sake is how you got here in the first place.

You needed to practice what you preached.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about what you said to me."

The parking lot. He already knew. He hated himself when he said those things and he hated himself now.

It was only a matter of time until he'd ruin things here.

You saw him grab his phone from the floor before standing up and walking across the living room. It must have fallen during your activities.

"I'll text Toga to come by. I'll stay until then."

"Don't go."

"I shouldn't be here."

"Because you hurt my feelings?"

"Yes!" He snapped. "This isn't masochism, it's straight up fucking delusional if you can't see the problem with me staying."

"You hurt my feelings," you sniffled. "It's going hurt whether or not you leave. Stay and talk with me about it."

"This talking shit clearly isn't working. One second you're telling me I fuck you the best then suddenly you're crying in the next. I already ruined whatever we could've had before it even started. We already know how this ends, so don't waste your time."

"If you leave then we will know how this ends." You sat up on the couch, clutching the soft blanket like a lifeline. Your voice was firm, but not enough to cover your soft determination. "You're hurt and so am I. So, sit with me instead of running away. Leaving things the way they are now is the sure-fire way to ruin this."

His jaw tightened as he stayed where he was.

"We talked a little bit earlier, but the issue just now wasn't your fault. It was mine-"

"You're not the one who said all that nasty shit to the person you-" He turned away and glared holes into an innocent plant. "It's over. We're not even fucking dating and it's over." He ran a hand through his hair and laughed.

"You did say horrible things, but I kept brushing off my feelings. We talked a bit earlier, but I still had feelings left unsaid." You stood up, the sound of your feet padding against the floor behind him made him stiffen. You stood in front of him, with your arms loosely crossed on your chest. "How are you supposed to know that stuff was still bothering me? It's not like you can read my mind."

"Don't be fucking dense."

"I seem to recall us wanting to work things out. You told me not to give up on you, remember?"

"Before I realized I traumatized you by saying a bunch of shit!"

"You didn't traumatize me, you hurt my feelings. There's a difference."

"You know the reason you had 'feelings left unsaid' is 'cause I basically mounted you before you could finish saying them, right?"

"No, that's not true and don't demonize yourself like that." You reached for his hand that was balled into a fist at his side, but he pulled it away.

He wasn't worthy of your compassion.

You frowned but didn't let it deter you. "I said it was okay --and before you say anything-- I wasn't coerced into it, either."

His eye twitched at her already knowing what he was going to say before he said it.

"You tease and mock, but you've shown me time and time again that you respect me and my body. You waited until I gave consent and I know that if I didn't give it, you would've let it go and let me talk about my feelings instead. You didn't take advantage of me. I disrespected myself by not prioritizing my own feelings. That's what the main issue was here."

"You said you couldn't stop thinking about what I said. It's my fault, they were my shitty fucking words."

"I'm not trying to say your words weren't a part of it, they definitely were, but I know you were just... saying what you could to put distance in between us."

He sneered, "Is that what you're telling yourself? Doesn't matter why I said it. Intentional or not, lies or not: it still fucking hurt you." His lips curled bitterly as remorse stained the cool blue of his eyes. "It'll be what you think of when you see me from now on."

You took a small step towards him, careful not to invade his personal space but enough to momentarily satisfy your need for physical closeness. Your need for the comfortable heat he offered to you as you both stood together in silence.

"I won't lie..." You started.

He knew that you never lied to him. Your stupidly sincere approach to interactions with him were probably what got him wrapped around your finger in the first place.

He did wonder if you ever lied to yourself about him, though. It'd explain why you let him stick around even while knowing he was a jackass.

He also recognized there wasn't any actual weight to that way of thinking. If anything, the times where your feelings felt so real outweighed those paranoid thoughts of his. Sometimes he'd catch you looking at him. The sweet honey dripping from your eyes at him doing fuck all felt so raw that he'd panic and have to leave for a while.

Whenever you smiled at him, even the soft little ones, you beamed bright enough to burn him to cinders if he let it. Lately, he had found himself simmering under your heat longer and longer, letting himself get singed by you.

Seeing you fidget with the hem of your top snapped him out of his thoughts. You were still in your underwear and it reminded him that he'd burned you. Not with the heat of patience and kindness that you regularly thawed him with, but with flames full of his own agonizingly self-sabotaging wrath.

"I won't lie," you repeated after taking a couple seconds to gather your thoughts. "I'll probably always think about what you said."

He already knew it yet it still made him hate himself more.

"The same way you'll probably always think about it, too."

You sweet, merciful, stupid fucking angel.

"Stop."

"No. You need to hear this."

"Just fucking stop."

"Don't interrupt me, Touya."

He glared at you in irritation as he clenched and unclenched his hands in an attempt to keep himself grounded. Mentally and literally. If he ran away now, you wouldn't be able to share your thoughts. He owed you that and so much more.

"It's something that effected the both of us and it'll change the way we are, but we don't have to let it change us in a bad way. We can use our hurt to help us grow." You said while looking at him with eyes full of hope. "We won't forget it happened and we shouldn't."

"We-- you--," he stammered. He could see the patience in your face and logic, feel the tender touch of your words. He was concurrently immolated by your steadfast mercy and by his venomous wrath. "We need to end this before you get hurt again."

"'Before I get hurt again'? I am going to get hurt again. By you, myself, or some other thing. It's what happens as we live and grow. The difference is learning from it. This is our 'before', and if you let us, we can work on moving on towards our 'after'."

"You know how ridiculously optimistic that sounds, right? Stupidly sappy, too. You really think it's as simple as that?"

"Can I hold your hand?"

He blinked in confusion at the randomness of the question but gave a small nod. You took ahold of it with both of your own.

"We both know it won't be simple. We both have baggage and hurt we'd need to address if we want to be something. It's going to be really hard, but if you stay I know that we'll both put in the work to reach our 'after' and every 'after' after that."

He stayed silent as he took in her words. You really saw--

"--Lots of 'after's, huh?" He quietly spoke as he tried to drown out his nerves with a teasing tone.

He looked at you with hopeful eyes that brought a small smile to your face.

"Lots of 'after's. I am your ice cream sitting in the freezer, remember?"

He'd scoff if he hadn't just gotten the wind knocked from his lungs.

You raise his hand to your lips before pressing a little kiss on the scars on the back of his hand before tugging it gently so he'd follow you to sit back down on the couch.

"I'm not eating freezer burnt ice cream."

"Hey! That's so mean…" you pouted. "And wasteful. You're way too picky of an eater, no wonder you're always grumpy."

"I'm fucking with you."

"Oh, I know. I'm fucking with you, too."

"Sadist..." He affectionately played with the shell of your ear while resting his cheek on your head. The gesture filled her with elation as they sat in comfortable silence.

"Look, I'm..." he started, struggling with his words.

"I know."

"I shouldn't-- I shouldn't have said those things earlier."

"I know."

"You didn't deserve it," his voice was softer.

"I know," you wrapped your arms around his firm torso, squeezing a little tighter.

"You're clingy. What're you thinking? Don't skimp out on me again, I wanna hear all the ugly shit, too." He lightly pinched at your cheek, "This shit ain't gonna work if it's one-sided. Start talking."

You smiled as he pressed his lips to your forehead.

"Okay, Touya."

#dabi x reader #touya x reader #dabi #todoroki touya #touya todoroki #dabi x y/n #dabi x you #toya x reader #i always feel bad for tagging him properly even on my main account so sorry to the ppl who dont wanna see this T.T #happy dabi day i fininished this 20mins b4 it ended i love having adhd and dying #i seriously couldn'tstart writing anything for him until the day before #let me know if it sucks my brain fog was bad with this one #it is so rushed i am sorry #spookyxsprinkles #edit feb 17 2024: edited this so hard and i'll do it again over the summer probably #i'm supposed to be taking a 1 week break from writing so i don't burn myself out and yet.....!

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persephonememes · 3 months

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* ( STICK SEASON FOREVER BY NOAH KAHAN / SENTENCE PROMPTS.

These may have been edited for clarity or length or to better apply for roleplaying.

" how you been? "

" what does it mean? "

" i am stuck between my anger and the blame that i can't face "

" i miss the way you laugh "

" but you know how it gets out here "

" you got all my love "

" if you need me dear, i'm the same as i was "

" it's all okay, there ain't a drop of bad blood "

" i just hope that your scars heal "

" i was scared to death "

" i'll never let you go "

" i don't get much sleep most nights "

" i'm seeing you in every dream "

" i'll love you when the oceans dry "

" i'll love you when the rivers freeze "

" don't you know there's a coffin buried under the garden "

" i'm in the process of clearing out cobwebs "

" someday i'm gonna be somebody people want "

" it's been a long year "

" would we survive in a horror movie? "

" i wanna love you 'till we're food for the worms to eat "

" i know every route in this county "

" i'll tell you where not to speed "

" honey, come over "

" no one will tempt you, we know you got sober "

" it's yours if you want it "

" i've been ready for you to come home "

" i didn't think to ask you where you'd gone "

" why'd you go? "

" i haven't drank in six months on the dot "

" don't you find it strange that you just went ahead and carried on? "

" the last time i drank i was face down passed out there on your lawn "

" are we all just pulling you down? "

" remember telling me that you thought you were cursed? "

" love is fast asleep on a dirt road with your head on my shoulder "

" those things I miss but know are never coming back "

" if i was empty space and you were formless shape we'd fit "

" i'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them "

" i know there are worse ways to stay alive "

" why is pain so damn impatient? "

" the last that i heard you were down in new orleans "

" i worry for you. you worry for me. "

" it's fine if we know we won't change "

" i'm leaving this town "

" i know that you're fearing the end "

" i only tell truth when I'm sure that I'm lying "

" how have you been and are you bored yet? "

" time moves so damn slow "

" i stopped caring about a month ago since then it's been smooth sailing "

" i would leave if only i could find a reason "

" i got dreams but i can't make myself believe them "

" i don't want to say goodbye "

" i'm still here with you "

" for a minute the world seems so simple "

" who was i to watch you wilt? "

" i promise to be there this time "

" i'm naming the stars in the sky after you "

" i'm remembering i promised to forget you now "

" it's all the same, anyways "

" i ain't proud of all the punches that i've thrown "

" i gave your name as my emergency phone call "

" i'd die for you "

" why do you do this to yourself? "

" this place had a heartbeat in its day "

" it just ain't that simple, it never was "

" we'll drink to new year's "

" i'm not ready to let go yet "

" now the weight of the world ain't so bad "

" i saw the end, it looks just like the middle "

" who am I to complain? "

" now the pain's different. it still exists, it just escapes different. "

" don't you cancel any plans "

" all lights turned off can be turned on "

" i'll drive all night "

" don't be discouraged "

" i've been exactly where you are "

" if you could see yourself like this, you'd have never tried it "

" won't you stay with me? "

" i even gave up driving after nightfall "

" i'm ain't angry at you, love "

" i'll be waiting for you "

" we spent so long just getting by "

" i'm not a city girl "

" it still has a lot of meaning to me because i grew up there "

" it's a small community of people that really look out for each other "

" last time i was in the back of a cop car, i fell in love "

" it's all the same anyway "

" let's drive for no reason "

" honey, it's starting to storm "

" i won't be alone for the rest of my life "

" i broke a bone that never healed in my hand "

" so when i hold you close, i might loosen my grip. but i won't ever let you go. "

" but i won't ever let you go "

" remember when we called the cops 'cause you got too high and you got scared? "

" could you imagine that? "

" i'm running out of tears to cry "

" maybe something's changing me "

" you love me and i don't know why "

" i only call you once a week "

" does it bite at your edges? "

" do you lie awake restless? "

" this town's the same as you left it "

" your page was blank, but i read it "

" i stare out that hallowed ocean as if to pick a fight "

" for the dreams my old man dreamt for me, lay on the other side "

" we're overdue for a revival "

" we spent so long just getting by "

" who the hell likes living just to die? "

#rp meme #rp memes #rp prompts #ask meme #meme #noah kahan

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nattousan · 5 months

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i got a new job recently as a lab tech making dentures on recommendation from my sister. We both have pretty significant adhd and i'm hella on the spectrum, and she said, from her experience, the fast paced nature, art focus and hand-engaging detail work works very well for people like us.

And she was right!

I'm taking to this job like a rat to pizza, like a flame in a fireworks factory. I'm sinkin into it like a farmer in a grain silo, because its a job that suits how my brain works in a way that no other job has done before. I'm not gonna say it's because of my adhd /autism that i'm successful but it definitely lets certain elements shine.

Now my trainer, bless her, has been a lab tech for almost 40 something years. But She doesn't have adhd, she's just absent minded. She doesn't have autism, she just needs me to use the airhose and torch sparingly because the loud noises drive her nuts. She just talks to herself, reuses a certain carousel of rote phrases, forgets what she's saying in the middle of a sentence, has SEVERAL neurodivergent children, gets upset when certain routines aren't followed to the letter or done correctly, talks at top volume, rarely makes eye contact, and is unusually passionate about teeth.... because, "that's just how she is..."

👀

Needless to say we've been getting along swimmingly. Along with all the things I've been silently noticing though, one thing in particular sticks out to me. And that is how she talks about herself. Often she'll (laughingly) punctuate a rant about teeth or the processes therin with " yea i know, you're thinkin "will this lady just shut up and leave me be??" or " I'm not overwhelming you with all this am I?" She's constantly apologizing for herself or referring to herself as mean things or saying "there's somethin wrong with me" How many times has she heard that said to her? When did she start repeating that to herself?

idk, i just find it really sad that this very nice and passionate woman in her 60s who raised 5 kids by herself and endured some of the worst kinda shit a person can go through never gained a deeper understanding of herself. I wish I could ask her about it, gently, and let her know that I see her, 40 years into a career she loves, with the respect of her peers, a nice home, children who love her and still visit, and see... myself.

I see that I can have that for myself. It's possible, to have a good life, not despite me being me, but because of it. Someday.

#nat chats #og post #adhd/autism #adhd #autism #something something conservatives complain about the rates of autism going up #when it's been Diagnoses that are on the rise #NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE #WE'VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE GODDAMNED TIME #ALSO #her favorite phrase is #OH my GAWD yes #its great

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starzfandomblog · 4 months

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Rody Lamoree Character Analysis (At least I think.)

I'm really bad at doing analysis of characters + this is my first time doing one so here I go!!1 Note that quotes from the game are paraphrased bc I can't remember anything ------------------------------- Rody is shown to be a bright, but brash man. (Described as "brash" in the newspaper review about the bistro.) Rody is also described as "exhausting" by Vince. (During the climax.) Overall, Rody could be described as exhausting, bright, forgetful, messy, and an optimist. Looking closer, RODY IS JUST SOME SAD SILLY AND HE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER. But all jokes aside, Rody seems to be going through a lot during the events of the game, despite how "happy" he may act/be. At the end of his first shift when he returned home, we see his apartment, and it's a mess. It looks like he hasn't cleaned it and days/has the motivation and/or time. When you enter the hallway, Rody exclaims, "The bathrooms flooded... again!" When you interact with the dirty dishes in the sink, he says, "I'll get to that. Someday. Eventually." Literally almost everything you interact with is messy. He doesn't exactly have a proper apartment either. I'm pretty sure having no motivation to do things you NEED to do/used to enjoy is a sign of depression. (I could be like entirely wrong on this point.) Also while watching many gameplays, (cough I've only watched two) I've picked up that Rody is a people pleaser. When Vince asks his favorite food, he says, "I eat whatever my girlfriends into." When Vince asks why he needs so much money, Rody needs it because he wants to buy a gift from Manon. He's basically devoting his life to her, he's so in love with her he can't see how terrible-ish of a girlfriend she is. ("WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!? SHES AMAZ-" SHH I'LL EXPLAIN ON A LATER POST.) Imagine the pain in his voice when he found out Vince killed her. The desperation in his voice just to hear Manon's voice on the phone. He doesn't realize how much he's hurting himself, he's oblivious. Also what I found interesting is that the creator has stated he's "bi and bi-phobic at the same time." I'm prolly thinking about this way too deep, but maybe Rody's just like, in denial, for Manon. Moving on, there's various reason as to why people will become people pleasers. It could be trauma, stress, childhood experiences, etc. I imagine Rody being from the poorer side of France, as he grew up in a somewhat loving family. His parents pressured him to be good in school, and although Rody KNEW his parents had good intentions, but he couldn't help it. Despite this he just brushed it off, and continued to please everyone, although this isn't exactly possible. Basically burnt out gifted kid. (ok i just realized that went on to be a hc thing SO LETS MOVE ON TO THE MORE LIKELY ANSWERS) In the ending where Rody burns down the bistro (I forgot the ending name) Rody seems so desperate for Manon not to leave him. But she just kind of did anyway. He could have become a people pleaser because of his (maybe) deep fear of rejection. He made Manon his whole word, and it fell apart when she left him. Also, I feel like Rody's prone to comparing himself to others, especially after the interaction with his former classmate at the dinner party. Seeing how well his classmate was doing, the feeling that he wasn't doing as great just stung. Overall, Rody Lamoree tries his best to be happy, but he NEEDS to take care of himself more, maybe insecure, and realize he can never please anyone. ---------------------------- im sorry this was so random uh

#rody lamoree #dead plate #dead plate spoilers #vincent charbonneau #manon dead plate #character analysis #starzwritingblog #PLEASE LET THIS APPEAR ON SOMEONES FOR YOU #I WOKRKED HARD ON THIS #I LVOE GAY PEOPLE

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kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 6 months

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Hakuoki Souji Monologue

Sorry this is a day late, but I got carsick yesterday in the evening... so I ended up not translating last night just because of how nauseous I felt. The only time that doesn't happen apparently is when I'm in a car after getting off a plane... which makes driving and sitting in a car for more than 20 minutes a real pain in the ass as this happens all the time.

Also, I forgot to mention this, but I've got raws of two of the 15th anniversary short stories that were published in the latest B's Logs. The first is with Heisuke, Harada and Shinpachi, while the second is with Sannan, Sakamoto and Yamazaki…. if anyone's interested in translating them, dm me, though know that I only provide raws for this type of content on a a first come, first serve basis.

Anyway, I ended up choosing one of the old monologues to translate this week cause I'm pretty busy right now... next week I plan on translating a Halloween SSL story, though I don't know where it came from.

薄桜鬼～回奏録～ Hakuoki Monologue - Souji

Translation by KumoriYami

Come sit here for a while, come here, sit next to me. I like loving like the sky like this. Just like that, I keep chasing the fleeting clouds with my eyes. The sound of the wind rustling the leaves, the smell of greenery. The cool sounds of the bubbling stream. Feeling all of these feels somewhat natural for me. What's with that expression, do you want me to say that it's surprising, that's a bit rude, isn't it.

Hahaha, just kidding, you always react so honestly, so I can't help but want to tease you. What were we talking about, ah yes, the sky, when I look at the sky, I feel that everything won't stay the way it is. Under such a sky, no matter how much I struggle, everything will disappear like the clouds.

In the past, my job was to kill people, and if necessary, it didn't matter if I died. All I wanted to do was do something for Kondou-san, but that was it. But now that my body has become like this, all of my hopes have vanished. I didn't want to admit it, but I wanted a new strength. You know why. In the end, the shadow of this deadly disease still hasn't been removed from my body. Look, it's really something that can't be helped.

Ah, you have that expression again, but there's nothing I can do about it, right? Humans will inevitably die someday, the only difference is if the dying will happen sooner or later. The people I killed probably wanted to live longer. It'd be too convenient if I, who had taken the lives of others, could escape from the shadow of death.

That's why it's fine. I know that's the way it is. Why am I talking to you about this? It's because I want to tell you about what I like/one of my favourite things.

Perhaps from today onwards, when you look up at the sky again, you'll think of me and remember what I said.

So long as you're still living under this sky, you will never forget me. In a sense, this can be considered a cruel gift that I am giving you.

Hahaha, is that what you hope for? Thank you for saying that. But, it's not like I'm going to suddenly die today, so there's still time.

During this time, I'll tell you many stories so you won't forget me.... while we look up at the sky like this.

-----

I'm pretty sure HIjikata's and Heisuke's monologue for these particularly dramas haven't been translated yet...

#hakuoki #hakuouki #hakuoki drama cd #okita souji

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joprompts · 2 months

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the great gatsby (2023 musical) starters. part one. *starters from the musical. slightly edited for rp purposes. adjust as necessary.

each night we're shooting for the moon.

you fight and return only to learn that you have lost her.

impossible, old sport.

i thought you disappeared, thought you were gone. buried you in my heart but as i moved on, i had this feeling as i was falling, the sound across the bay was the sound of you calling.

where's the party and can you take me there?

you're like the eyes of god.

she is late so i'm off to go scream in a jar!

run, runaway, let's drive until morning!

i am not okay.

we so-and-so's are so sophisticated!

though, i'm not showing, the baby's growing.

we'll go back to that kiss.

drown me in the bay!

soon, she'll walk through my door so what's an hour more? she wants to make me wait? well, dammit, i can wait!

how can she be gone? she's still everywhere.

he'll love this baby as his own.

all the years that we missed will blow away in the breeze.

save me, too.

for better or worse. for rich or for poor. my husband has delivered on the rich part, but the better, i'm not sure.

you know that there is no forgetting her.

soon, we three will be a million miles away.

only heaven knows what i might do. if i save you, will you save me too?

everybody is a tiny bit shady.

you know that i love you, did i saw i love you? i love you!

can you stop for a moment and just take in the view? no, darling, i'm looking at you!

you remind me of an absolute rose.

one mile down with seven to go.

soon, this will all be done. two lives will turn into one. we have a date with fate.

for better or worse, my vows have been made.

it was under a willow tree, i kissed the nicest girl i've met and time stood still.

it's so simple, that it's funny!

do you know what i did when my baby was born? you don't because no one was there.

i learned it is not what feels the best, it is what will hurt the least.

now you know why it's time to leave the valley of ashes.

no one understands how she can save me.

a lot of married men can't be trusted.

they say you can't relieve the past, but you know what i see? finally the past is catching up to me.

let's go before i change my mind!

where is my share of the heavens? my sliver of the silver sky?

i've been domesticated.

i should go right now!

so certain my soldier had been lost and with him half my heart.

i went to war for her. braved foreign shore for her.

will she see i've made my world in the image of her dreams?

you're a lighthouse.

"it's a girl," the nurse said and i broke.

come one-way road, no matter what!

the best thing a girl can be in this world is a beautiful, little fool.

once again, trouble in paradise.

do you know what i did when my baby was born?

the light's still green and we've only begun!

is this the latest thing, the latest thrill?

you have the eyes of god. who's gonna be his hands?

i have waited five years and today is the day.

someday soon, i'll have us all related.

no, you make a fool of me!

let my girl be a fool to whom it won't occur but the choices she makes in this life are never hers.

i kissed her and knew i'd ever stray.

we'll drive through the night, back to [location] and i'll marry you there, on your father's front lawn.

he wore a secondhand suit on our wedding day!

the reason i'm brave and the reason i'm broke.

had a past to rectify, made that nickel multiply.

it's a blessing and a curse.

forgive me for being his end.

#rp meme #rp prompt #rp memes #rp starters #lyric starter #lyric memes #lyric prompts #lyric starters

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mi-rae07 · 11 months

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Jung Wooyoung : The Reason

Pairing : Jung Wooyoung (Ateez) and named character (Shin Iseul)

_________________________

Miyeon : so you have a boyfriend.

Iseul nodded, taking a sip of the coffee she had bought at the hospital café as she said

Iseul : yes, I do.

Miyeon : except he…works as a sales boy.

Iseul : he works in a Gucci store-

Miyeon : yes, that's what I said.

Iseul : he gets paid enough-

Miyeon : except you're a resident. You're going to be a neurosurgeon someday, and he's going to remain a sales boy.

Iseul sighed, leaning back against the chair with a sigh. She was at it again, trying to convince her friends that her boyfriend did deserve her, and that his job didn't really matter when he was a good person.

Iseul : yeon-ah, please.

Miyeon : seul-ie, I love you, okay? And I want you to get someone you truly deserve, not some sales boy.

Iseul : I've been dating him for two years now.

Miyeon : and you never told me.

Iseul : because I expected you to do exactly this!

Miyeon : well what else would anyone expect! A neurosurgeon and a sales boy? Please, you gotta be kidding me.

Iseul : he is a good man.

Miyeon : but does he provide you with financial security?

Iseul : I can provide myself that, I'm going to be a neurosurgeon, yeon.

Miyeon : fine, is he hot?

Iseul : he…what? Yes, yeah I suppose.

Miyeon : you're with him because of his body then, aren't you.

Iseul : Jung miyeon!

Miyeon : what!

Iseul : god this is so stupid.

Iseul would rather leave than hear her bestfriend shitting on her boyfriend like this. She was about to get up when miyeon held her arm and asked

Miyeon : do you love him?

Iseul : of course I do!

Miyeon : and does he love you?

Iseul : yes, yes he does.

Miyeon : does he take care of you well, forgetting all the money, does he truly take care of you? And does he make you happy?

Iseul : he does, he's an amazing person to me, yeon-ah.

Miyeon sighed, nodding as she motioned towards iseul's coffee before saying

Miyeon : then that's all I need.

_________________________

Iseul opened the door to hers and wooyoung's apartment, immediately coughing at the smoke that suddenly surrounded her. She looked around with squinted eyes, her eyes landing on wooyoung who turned around and smiled before saying

Wooyoung : you're home.

Iseul : what…why is there so much smoke?

Wooyoung lifted his vape before keeping it away, making iseul sigh in annoyance. She hated this.

Iseul : wooy-

Wooyoung : I'm sorry, I know. I just got carried away.

Iseul sighed, keeping her bag away as she said

Iseul : I've told you not to vape at all, woo.

Wooyoung : I'll try. Now come here.

Wooyoung spread his arms for iseul as she smiled, walking towards him before crashing into his arms with a loud exhale. Wooyoung tangled his hand in her hair, inhaling deeply against her shoulder as he whispered

Wooyoung : my isi.

Iseul smiled at the use of her favorite nickname, nuzzling her head into wooyoung's chest while ignoring the smell of vape and smoke on him as she whispered

Iseul : yes, yours. All yours.

Wooyoung kissed the top of iseul's head as he asked

Wooyoung : how was work, love?

Iseul : it was…tiring but fulfilling. This is what I've always wanted to do and now that I'm actually doing it, I feel proud.

Wooyoung : I'm proud of you too.

Iseul : and you? How was work for you?

Wooyoung : mm, it was fine.

Iseul frowned at the bland answer as she asked

Iseul : that's it?

Wooyoung : what's going to be so special about working as a sales boy, seul-ah.

Iseul looked up as she said

Iseul : woo, come on.

Wooyoung : all I've ever wanted my entire life was to be a fashion designer, isi. A good one, a rich one that could make revolutionary work. And I studied hard for it, graduated with top scores. But even after all that, people just don't seem to care. My works are just…bland to them.

Iseul : your works are not bland.

Wooyoung : well my works don't sell either.

Iseul : give it time, young-ah.

Wooyoung : I gave it 4 years, but now I'm done.

Iseul pulled back at that, her eyes widening in shock

Iseul : you're stopping your works? You're not going to design anymore?

Wooyoung nodded with a sad smile, making Iseul step back with a shaky breath. Wooyoung had dedicated his entire life to designing and now if he dropped it, that would mean his dreams to be shattered and ruined, never to be brought back again. And iseul wanted wooyoung to be happy.

Iseul : so you're going to be a sales boy forever.

Iseul saw wooyoung recoil at that, his eyes hurt. And only then did she realize how those words might sound like to him.

Iseul : oh no, no I didn't mean it that way, young-ah.

Wooyoung let out a scoff, shaking his head as he whispered

Wooyoung : so you're tired too.

Iseul : no, woo-

Wooyoung : I expected this to happen someday. Just not…now.

Iseul stepped closer to wooyoung, trying to hold him as she said

Iseul : no no, wooyoung-ah, please I'm not tired of you.

Wooyoung : l-let go of me.

Iseul shook her head, holding onto wooyoung's arm as she said

Iseul : no, wooyoung. I'm sorry, hmm? I didn't mean to say it that way, I meant that I didn't understand why you were throwing your dreams away like that-

Wooyoung : you meant you were disappointed you'd have to be with someone poor like me whose job pays so low, I can't even afford shit.

Iseul : what?

Wooyoung : if you're tired of me then just FUCKING LEAVE SHIN ISEUL!

Iseul : wooyoung, stop.

Wooyoung kept trying to push himself away from iseul's hold, his nails digging into her wrist.

Iseul : wooyoung you're hurting me, please.

Wooyoung : then let go!

Iseul finally banged wooyoung against a wall, holding him against it tightly. Wooyoung stared at iseul with teary eyes as she said

Iseul : why do you keep thinking I'll leave, wooyoung? Is that how shallow I seem to you, to leave you just because of something as trivial as this?

Wooyoung : it's how everyone is. It-

Iseul : not everyone, me! I'm talking about me, wooyoung!

Wooyoung looked away from iseul, making her sigh as she felt her heart drop

Iseul : you keep doubting me.

Wooyoung : I'm not doubting you.

Iseul : then what the fuck are you doing, woo!

Wooyoung : I…

Wooyoung cut himself off as his lips trembled, making iseul's eyes soften at the sight. She leaned forward and held his cheek, whispering

Iseul : young-ah?

Wooyoung : I just…I feel like a failure, seul-ah. I feel useless and…I can't even provide for you anymore.

Iseul : you don't have to, I can provide for us woo.

Wooyoung : but I don't wanna sit at home doing nothing while you're working hard out there, I wanna help too.

Iseul : wooyoung-ah, I love you. I love you and I'm not going to leave, or let anyone tell you that you don't deserve me, okay? I could do anything for you.

Wooyoung sniffled, looking away as tears streamed down his cheeks. Iseul wiped it away, kissing his cheek afterward.

Iseul : don't cry, you can't.

Wooyoung : I'm sorry.

Iseul : why must you be sorry, lovie.

Wooyoung : for being like this to you, you don't deserve to get hurt because of me.

Iseul : then shut up and kiss me.

Wooyoung let out a small smile, whispering under his breath

Wooyoung : aish, won't even let me apologize.

Iseul wrapped her arms around his neck and said

Iseul : because you have nothing to be sorry for. You can never do anything wrong in my eyes.

Wooyoung smiled and leaned forward, kissing iseul.

______________________________

Iseul : do we seriously have to go to the store he's working in?

Yumi : yes we do? I wanna meet him.

Iseul : you can meet him sometime else-

Miyeon : seul-ah, please. We talked about this before.

Iseul sighed as her two friends indirectly dragged her towards the Gucci store, not being able to stop them. Yumi opened the door to the Gucci store, iseul's eyes landing on wooyoung who was explaining an item to a customer, the customer clearly awestruck by his handsome face. Iseul smiled at that, feeling suddenly proud. She was never the jealous type anyway.

Wooyoung : isi?

Yumi : aww! He's given you a cute nickna-

Iseul : shush.

Iseul smiled as wooyoung walked towards them, bowing at both yumi and miyeon before saying

Wooyoung : hello, I'm jung wooyoung. Iseul's boyfriend.

Yumi : I'm kim yumi, and this is jung miyeon. We're both seul-ie's bestfriends.

Iseul chuckled and nodded, gesturing towards the customer behind them as she asked

Iseul : aren't you going to assist them, woo?

Wooyoung : oh, her? No, joon'll take care of her. You didn't have work today, guys? It's only 11am.

Miyeon : we finally got a day off today, it’s been forever since we've received a break so we decided to shop.

Wooyoung : ah, okay! Then go ahead, check through whatever you want.

Miyeon nodded, walking towards a nearby shelf. Yumi pulled out a credit card from her purse, smiling as she said

Yumi : guess what, my boyfriend gave me his card to buy whatever I want for myself, so I won't have to worry spending much this time!

Miyeon : lucky bitch, I spent all of mine a week ago.

Iseul looked up at wooyoung at their words, knowing how he would feel hearing the fact that other boyfriends sent their girlfriends an entire card to buy clothes with while he couldn't do any of that at this moment. Which, she didn't mind but she was sure he would.

And she was right, wooyoung's eyes were now lowered to the floor, his earlier smile disappearing.

Iseul : woo-

Wooyoung : mm no, it's okay.

Iseul : but-

Wooyoung : I'm fine, isi. You go with your friends, hmm?

Iseul could only stare at wooyoung as he gave her a small kiss before leaving to tend to the other customers. Iseul was still not satisfied, but she had no choice but to go back to her friends.

_________________________________

Iseul picked up the phone call she had just received, frowning at the contact being wooyoung's bestfriend, not wooyoung who hadn't come home despite it being 2am already.

Iseul : joon? What's wrong?

Joon : yeah, your boyfriend is hell drunk, seul. What do you want me to do with him, I know you hate it when people are drunk.

Iseul sighed, getting up as she kept her medical book and highlighter away before walking to her coat stand.

Iseul : send me your location.

Joon : you're going to come to this club?

Iseul : he doesn't leave me much of a choice now, does he?

Iseul opened the door to the club, trying to breathe through her mouth in order to avoid the smell from hitting her. She soon found wooyoung resting his head against a table, mumbling some gibberish.

Iseul : jung wooyoung.

Joon : oh? You're here.

Wooyoung lifted his head grumpily, smiling at the sight of iseul

Wooyoung : isi! I missed you!

Iseul : thank you for suffering with him, joon. I'll take him from here now.

Joon chuckled and nodded, making iseul sigh as she held wooyoung's arms and lifted him up from the chair. Wooyoung fell on her with a small breath, nuzzling his head against her neck as he whispered

Wooyoung : you smell so nice.

Iseul : wish I could say the same about you.

Wooyoung : seul-ie! Mean!

Iseul : shut up and come with me like a good boy.

Wooyoung chuckled against her neck, saying sheepishly

Wooyoung : I'm a good boy.

Iseul : no you're not, you're terrible these days.

Iseul dragged wooyoung along with her outside the club, squinting her eyes at the loud noise around her. Wooyoung placed his palm against iseul's ears, blocking the loud music from entering as she looked up at him.

Wooyoung : you don't like loud sounds, no?

He still remembered it. Iseul sighed, nodding as she guided wooyoung to her car that was parked a few meters away from them.

Wooyoung : i-isi?

Iseul : mm.

Wooyoung : am I…am I really terrible?

Iseul : what?

Wooyoung : am I really a terrible person.

Iseul laid wooyoung down on the seat, him looking up at her with wide hazy eyes. Iseul smiled and kissed wooyoung's flushed cheeks as she whispered against it

Iseul : you are, but I still love you.

__________________________________

Iseul : why did you drink last night?

Wooyoung looked up from his breakfast, staring at iseul who was still eating her pancakes.

Wooyoung : why would you think I had a reason?

Iseul : you don't drink unless something bothers you enough to do so. So tell me, what was that reason last night?

Wooyoung shook his head, going back to his breakfast as he said

Wooyoung : it's nothing.

Iseul : it's nothing or you just don't wanna tell me?

Wooyoung : I just…don't wanna tell you.

Iseul nodded, taking a bite of her pancake. She understood wooyoung had a life apart from her, as she had a life apart from him back at the hospital. And when wooyoung wanted to share his problems, he would. Until then she could wait.

Iseul : woo.

Wooyoung : yeah?

Iseul : how about we buy a new refrigerator?

Wooyoung looked up, frowning in confusion at the sudden request as he asked

Wooyoung : what's wrong with the one we have right now?

Iseul : well, it's old. And it doesn't function as well as the newly made ones do, I noticed while cooking breakfast today.

Wooyoung : isi-

Iseul : we can split the bill, no?

Wooyoung pressed his lips together as his hands clenched around the fork. He wished he was different than what he was right now. And saying he felt embarassed would be an understatement.

Wooyoung : iseul, I don't really think I have…the money for any of that right now.

Iseul froze, not having thought of that possibility.

Iseul : oh no, that…that's okay. Uh, I can just pay for it wholly then. Do you wanna come along with me to choose it, woo?

Wooyoung hated the way iseul's shiny eyes dimmed from his answer, and the way she had to adjust so much of her things in life because of his failures.

Wooyoung : and then watch you pay for it entirely while I just stand there empty handed?

Iseul : woo.

Wooyoung : I'll find the money and come with you. Just give me some time.

Iseul : no don't do that, it's not really that required-

Wooyoung : stop pushing away your desires for me, iseul. You don't deserve that.

Iseul : it's called adjustment, woo. And I told you, I could do anything for you. If you don't have the budget for a refrigerator right now, then we wait until you do. That's all.

Wooyoung : seul-

Iseul : nope, that's final. Forget I asked and have your breakfast.

Wooyoung sighed, eating his food with a disturbed mind. God, he wished he'd just studied to become a lawyer or an engineer like his parents had wanted him to instead of going after this cursed job.

______________________________

Joon : young, boss's calling you.

Wooyoung looked up from the boxes of clothes that he had been assigned to hang up, frowning.

Wooyoung : right now?

Joon : yeah.

Wooyoung : joon. Is something wrong?

Joon shook his head with a sigh, stepping aside for wooyoung to go through. Something was wrong. Wooyoung kept the box aside and stepped inside the manager's room, his eyes landing on the clock that struck 10pm. God, he had to go home now.

Wooyoung : you called for me, sir?

Boss : close the door behind you.

Wooyoung closed the door behind him, his heart beating hard against his chest knowing something was terribly wrong at the tone of his voice.

Wooyoung : yes?

Boss : you submitted your works to a fellow company?

Wooyoung looked up with surprised eyes, his heart dropping. That was a week ago, and they had already rejected him as well a few days ago. But for the manager to have known, that could only mean trouble.

Wooyoung : sir, I'm sorry.

Boss : you're SORRY? SERIOUSLY JUNG WOOYOUNG?

Wooyoung bit his lips, looking away as his boss stood up and walked towards him angrily

Boss : I took you in when NO ONE ELSE DID, do you understand that?

Wooyoung : yes sir-

Boss : you're charity work, wooyoung, I took you in out of pure pity. Your stupid designs had nothing to do with it.

Wooyoung felt tears threaten to fill his eyes at the harsh words, his hands clenching behind him.

Boss : and now you cheat me behind my back, sending your works to other people as if anyone in their right mind would take you in as a designer.

The manager scoffed, stepping back as he said

Boss : you're stupid to think you could ever be successful with what you have, wooyoung. Your entire life was destined to be a failure.

Wooyoung : sir-

Boss : that's probably why you're with that neurosurgeon lady, aren't you?

Wooyoung looked up at that, his eyes darkening.

Wooyoung : what?

Boss : so that you could suck up her money while pretending to love her since you have nothing of that sort?

Wooyoung : watch your words, sir. You may be my manager but you are no more than a mere human to everyone else. So do not step over your boundaries.

The manager held wooyoung by the collar, his eyes furious at his words.

Boss : what did you just say, you imbecile?

Wooyoung : you can call me a failure, you can say my works are all stupid and will never sell, you can say whatever you want about me, sir, but do not question my dignity or hers. I do not need to explain myself and my love for her to you, as you are not entitled to be hearing any of that.

Boss : you-

Wooyoung : yes, yes I'm an utter failure, I agree to that. I can't do better than others and I…I can't make enough money to live by. But I will never, ever use any one else to satisfy my own needs by pretending my feelings. Never.

The manager let go of wooyoung with a scoff as wooyoung took his tag off with trembling hands

Wooyoung : but I understand what you mean, I did cheat you and stab you behind the back by trying to sell my designs. But I needed money, I needed something, sir. And that was the only thing I could do.

Wooyoung placed his name tag on the desk as he bowed at his manager for one last time

Wooyoung : I resign, sir. From this day forth I will no longer be your employee, as you desire. You can get another charity case off your shoulders.

The manager could only stare as wooyoung turned around and left the cabin with tears in his eyes, his hopes and dreams completely shattered now.

__________________________

Iseul : woo? Is that you?

Wooyoung took his shoes off as he said lowly

Wooyoung : yeah, I'm home. Why are you still awake?

Wooyoung looked up as iseul walked towards him, her glasses resting against the bridge of her nose while small strands of hair slipped through her high bun.

Iseul : I had some work to do.

Wooyoung sighed, walking past iseul as he said

Wooyoung : I'm going to go sleep.

Iseul : no hugs or kisses, then?

Wooyoung : not right now.

Iseul : why?

Wooyoung : just let me be for now, please.

Iseul closed her book before following wooyoung up the stairs, still being persistent

Iseul : is this because of breakfast?

Wooyoung : what breakfast?

Iseul : the refrigerator?

Wooyoung let out a noise of annoyance, opening the door to their bedroom as he said

Wooyoung : please, stop bringing that up.

Iseul : because you said you couldn't afford it right n-

Wooyoung : shin iseul!

Iseul paused, looking up at wooyoung as he huffed, throwing a pillow away.

Wooyoung : please, give me a break for once!

Iseul : wooyoung, I'm just asking. I don't wanna fight.

Wooyoung : well you're causing it, iseul! I told you to leave me alone and you're still here following me like some lost puppy.

Iseul : so I'm the problem here? You're the one who's lacking communication skills, wooyoung.

Wooyoung : that is the last problem about me that I care about.

Iseul : then what do you care about? Huh?

Wooyoung : iseul please! I can’t do this today.

Iseul : I do not fucking care anymore, wooyoung. I need an answer. What, is, your, problem?

Wooyoung : I want you to leave.

Iseul flinched at his answer, her eyes widening

Iseul : w-what?

Wooyoung : I want you to leave, iseul, break up with me before I do it. Go, leave me alone.

Iseul : wooyoung, what are you saying.

Wooyoung : or do you want me to leave, since this is your house that you bought from your money?

Iseul : no, what! That's not what I'm-

Wooyoung : I'm going back to my old apartment, then. Let me go.

Iseul : seriously? That's what you want? After everything I did for you, that's what you want?

Wooyoung looked up at iseul with blank eyes, his eyes not having an ounce of emotion. Iseul scoffed, looking away as she said

Iseul : I never should have spent any of my energy on you, ever. I should have known you'd be like everyone else, abandoning me.

Wooyoung : yes, maybe I'm not so different after all.

Iseul pressed her lips together, rage and hurt filling her.

Iseul : I hate you, wooyoung. I hate you for doing this to us, to me. You're a coward, you can't fight for anything in life and just give up as soon as you sense the first sight of trouble. While I fought every single day for 4 years to be with you.

Wooyoung nodded, trying not to let out an ounce of emotion. He couldn't, not now. Iseul took wooyoung's bag from the shelf and threw it at him, making him step back from the force of it

Iseul : leave, get out. When I come back in the morning, I don't want any of your things to be seen in my apartment. Get yourself out of here and go wherever the fuck you want. Because what you do from now, is on you. I'm not going to do anything for you or for us anymore.

Wooyoung stared as iseul stepped away from him, whispering

Iseul : I don't ever want to see you again, so go and do the only one thing you're capable of doing, messing everything up.

Iseul walked out of that room, not knowing wooyoung was breaking down on the other end of the wall, crying his heart out.

____________________________

Joon : you…you asked her to leave?

Wooyoung nodded, inhaling the smoke once again before exhaling it as he rested his head against the back of his old dusty couch.

Joon : wooyoung, what the hell? You love her!

Wooyoung : but I can't do anything for her, especially now that I lost my other job too.

Joon : you can just look for another one.

Wooyoung : and get paid even lower? I can't afford her anymore, joon-ah. And I'd hate to watch her spend her entire life looking after a failure like me when she's so successful and smart. She deserves someone as rich and successful as her.

Joon : she loves you, wooyoung. I don't really think she cares about any of the finance.

Wooyoung : that's the point, she should start caring more about her finance and herself. Hence why I asked her to leave.

Wooyoung took another inhale of his vape, closing his eyes as he felt the smoke fill his lungs.

Joon : you're so stupid.

Wooyoung : I know.

Joon : you're making yourself go through pure torture in order to try and make her life better.

Wooyoung : I told you I loved her.

Joon : if you love her then fucking fight for her, wooyoung. Don't just run away like this, that's stupid and-

Wooyoung : cowardly, right?

Joon : yes!

Wooyoung sighed, standing up as he said

Wooyoung : maybe I am a coward then.

___________________________

2 weeks later :

Miyeon : seul-ah.

Iseul looked up from her patient, looking at miyeon who had just ran up to her in a hurry

Iseul : yes?

Miyeon : a new patient's been brought in right now.

Iseul : aren't there other doctors-

Miyeon : no you're…gonna wanna see to him instead.

Him, him. Iseul's eyes widened as she ran towards the room miyeon had told her about, opening the door harshly as her eyes landed on wooyoung who was lying on the hospital bed.

Iseul : wooyoung!

Wooyoung looked up at her with shocked eyes, iseul coming closer to him as she asked

Iseul : what's happened to you?

Wooyoung : I…I just fell while I was walking through the road and someone brought me here.

Iseul : did someone run your tests?

Wooyoung : I su-suppose?

Iseul rushed out of the room, wanting to find the results. Wooyoung leaned back against the bed, sighing. He knew he hadn't just fallen, he knew he had fainted from eating too less. He had just wanted to save enough in order to pay the rent and bills, but apparently he had overestimated his body.

Wooyoung stared as iseul entered the room, her eyes grave as she said

Iseul : have you been starving yourself, wooyoung?

Wooyoung looked away, his hands clenching around the bedsheet. Of course she found out.

Iseul : do you need food?

Wooyoung : I left you, you're not supposed to be doing anything for me.

Iseul : fine, then I'm saying this as your doctor. You need to eat your meals on time, jung wooyoung. And if you won't do that, I'm going to force-feed you.

Wooyoung stared at iseul as she took the IV trip off him and said

Iseul : get up I'm buying you food, just this fluid won't do. Because I won't see you like this another time.

__________________________

A month later :

Iseul hadn't seen wooyoung another time after that lunch she had had with him. And that lunch had been awkward enough, with wooyoung not uttering a word and iseul not saying much either. And since then, although iseul had tried contacting wooyoung, he hadn't picked up. She even tried sending mean texts to wooyoung and he still hadn't responded.

And now she was sitting in a café, waiting for joon who had called her up to talk about important matters. Iseul had abandoned her works as soon as she had heard that, knowing it was about wooyoung.

And for him she could drop anything.

Iseul looked up as she heard the door open, her eyes landing on joon who sighed and sat next to her quickly.

Iseul : joon-

Joon : yes it's about wooyoung.

Iseul : I know, but do you need something to drink?

Joon : not really, I'm fine.

Iseul nodded, motioning joon to talk.

Joon : wooyoung lost his job.

Iseul : w-what? When?

Joon : the day he broke up with you.

Iseul's eyes widened, her hands on the coffee cup loosening. Shit.

Iseul : then…that's why he-

Joon : yeah, that's why he left. Because he didn't wanna burden you. And ever since then he's been suffering.

Iseul sat back against her chair with a shaky breath, closing her eyes. Of course wooyoung had done that.

Iseul : after all that I had said to him about this.

Joon : he still believes you deserve better, seul. I don't know when he would understand that your love for him is much greater but I can't wait for that anymore. I can't see wooyoung being in pain like this. So I need you to try and talk to him, please.

Iseul : does he still live in his old apartment?

Joon : yeah, for which he's been struggling to pay rent for.

Iseul nodded as she said

Iseul : thank you, joon, for telling me all this.

Joon : it's nothing, I just want you both to be happy. And if your happiness is him and his happiness you, then I'm more than happy to put you back together.

Iseul smiled, nodding her head. She was going to bring wooyoung back, she had to.

Joon : however uh…you won't really mind giving me jung miyeon's phone number now, will you seul-ah?

________________________

Wooyoung walked back to his apartment while taking a puff of his vape, his eyes closing at the feeling of it surrounding his lungs. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, but hell to all that. What really was the point in living now.

Wooyoung typed in the passcode as the door to his apartment opened, frowning as he realised that the lights were on. As soon as he realised the reason, wooyoung stepped back in shock, his eyes widening as he asked

Wooyoung : what? How are you-

Iseul : do you enjoy destroying your lungs like this?

Wooyoung clutched the vape tighter in his hands, looking away

Wooyoung : why would you care. We're not together anymore.

Iseul : because you decided that I should leave you just because you lost your job at the store?

Wooyoung paused, his eyes widening. No, she couldn't know.

Wooyoung : you're not supposed to know.

Iseul : except I do now.

Wooyoung was about to say something when his vape beeped suddenly, indicating that someone had to turn it off if it wasn't in use. Iseul signed in annoyance, walking up to wooyoung before taking the vape and throwing it away harshly.

Wooyoung : Iseul!

Iseul : what! Does that stick matter more to you than me? Than us?

Wooyoung : stop, stop and let me be, iseul. We can't be together.

Iseul : WHY? Why, because you can't make enough money? I told you I would fucking take care of that, wooyoung!

Wooyoung : BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO! I...I want to be able to provide too, so just...please, give me time.

Iseul : and then come back to you when you have the money? Do I look like a gold digger to you, wooyoung?

Wooyoung let out a breath, stepping away from her. But Iseul only stepped closer, shaking her head.

Iseul : wooyoung, I love you.

Wooyoung : you cannot love someone like me. You need to leave.

Iseul : and then what? You're going to smoke your life away?

Wooyoung : if I am? Then what?

Iseul glared at wooyoung and walked towards the vape she had thrown away, bending down and picking it up as she turned it on. Wooyoung's eyes widened as Iseul inhaled it, coughing as soon as the vape entered her body.

Wooyoung : no! No, no no Iseul, stop!

But she didn't, not even when wooyoung ran towards her and tried to take the vape away from her. Iseul continued inhaling it, coughing continuously.

Wooyoung shook his head, tears in his eyes.

Wooyoung : I'll stop, I swear I'll stop.

That still didn't seem to stop iseul. And so wooyoung finally snatched the vape away from her harshly, breaking it into half as a sharp piece of the plastic cut through his cheek, drawing blood. Iseul coughed hoarsely, making wooyoung hold onto her as he leaned closer to her and asked

Wooyoung : are you alright? Seul-ah, can you breathe?

Iseul shook her head, lifting her hand as she wiped the blood off Wooyoung's cheek and whispered

Iseul : you're bleeding.

Wooyoung : it doesn't matter! Iseul, are you okay.

Iseul : woo, I need you.

Wooyoung stared at Iseul as she sniffed and said

Iseul : I need you home, woo. I love you, and I don't care if you don't have a job or whatever, I still want you.

Wooyoung : iseul-

Iseul sobbed, placing the back of her hand against her eyes as she said

Iseul : please, please don't leave me. Please don't let go-

Wooyoung cut Iseul off as he hugged her, resting her head against his chest as she cried.

Wooyoung : I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Iseul : you're so...so cruel.

Wooyoung ran his hand along her hair, tears falling down his cheeks as he whispered

Wooyoung : I know, I won't ever do it again.

Iseul : you...promise?

Wooyoung would rather die than see Iseul cry and beg him like this. He'd rather just stay and fight for them as he was always supposed to. He didn't wanna be a coward any longer.

Wooyoung : I promise.

___________________________

6 years later :

Iseul : you know, you didn't have to rent an entire amusement park like this.

Wooyoung : you said you wanted us to go to a park?

Iseul : yes, not spend millions of dollars on renting it just for us?

Wooyoung smiled, resting his head on his wife's shoulder as he said

Wooyoung : all that I make is for you, isi. So you ask me for something, I give more than just that.

Iseul giggled, ruffling wooyoung's hair as they walked out of the amusement park

Iseul : I'm flattered, husband.

??? : Oh my god, aren't you the designer jung wooyoung?

Wooyoung looked up as he noticed two girls in front of him, an excited smile on both their faces.

Wooyoung : why yes I am.

??? : oh my, we're big fans of you! And we love your designs and have been dying to get our hands on them, but they always get sold out real quick.

Wooyoung smiled as he said

Wooyoung : I'll try to rectify that next time, surely.

??? : Thank you! Do you uh, mind if we get your autograph?

Wooyoung chuckled and shook his head as he took the pen from their hands, signing. Iseul looked at him with a proud smile, feeling her heart swell up with pride for her partner. He had worked his way up to the top, and he deserved all the recognition and money he recieved for his hard work. Plus he was doing the one thing he loved the most, with her by his side.

??? : Thank you, sir. It was an honor to meet you. And you too, doctor. You're really pretty, both of you are, of course.

Iseul smiled and said a thank you as the girls said their bye's and left, giggling to each other.

Iseul : fans everywhere, I'm getting real tired, young-ah.

Wooyoung smiled at her sarcasm, wrapping his arms around her waist as he said

Wooyoung : really.

Iseul wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned closer before whispering

Iseul : mhmm. But if you give me a kiss, I might just forget all about it.

Wooyoung chuckled at her and said

Wooyoung : always the same.

Wooyoung leaned forward and took Iseul's lips in his, giving her all that she had wanted and more.

After all, she was the reason for his success, just as he was the reason for her happiness.

__________________________

#ateez angst #ateez fluff #ateez ff #kpop angst #kpop fluff #kpop ff #angst #ateez #fluff #ff #jung wooyoung #ateez wooyoung #wooyoung au #wooyoung angst #wooyoung ateez #wooyoung fluff #wooyoung ff

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niyunnie · 3 months

Text

the liability of solidarity 🌱

୭🌱- ⋆🍄-˚ CHARACTER; Kazuha ୭🌱- ⋆🍄-˚ romantic content, slightly suggestive (?), 2nd person perspective, hurt to comfort

It's been a while since you've last seen Kazuha. Although the two of you have been dating for a while, Kazuha is oblivious to your loneliness when he roams Teyvat and leaves you behind. It's his passion, how could he stop that just for you? How could you ask that of him..? So you've remained silent for Celestia knows how long.

It's late when he returns back to your humble home together. It's not much, why would it be? Kazuha doesn't need a house to stay in, just a place for you two to settle. But Kazuha doesn't settle, so the house isn't at all lavish. It doesn't affect him, he rarely lives in it..

Regardless of these thoughts bubbling to the surface, you swallow them back down as you hug him. You knew of his arrival beforehand, however, the letter said he's be here at noon. It was now midnight.

You don't let this change your previous plans, however, letting your needs come first for once. "Dear.." Your hands swirl waves of his soft, silky hair, kissing his neck softly. "..I was thinking we could gaze at the stars tonight, then cuddle and have a nice breakfast by the morning." You propose, hoping he'll say yes. He's always loved to stargaze, always loved to cuddle and comfort you.

"Sorry..." He whispers, voice small. You hear a hint of guilt, but maybe you're just coping. "I'm leaving in the morning to wander uncharted land, it's a great opportunity. I have to sleep to ensure I'm well rested for whatever I am unprepared for."

"Fine," You mumble, face shallow. There's no depth to any feeling you may have, you're upset. How disparaging must he be to toss you aside this way? "I never see you anymore."

"I know.. I'll figure something out." Kazuha mutters under his small, quick breaths. "I'll make it easier for you. Someday, I promise, dear.."

Someday feels like no day.

"Someday." You respond coldly.

You felt the liability of this solidarity creep up. It was an agreement that you accepted, but it was embarrassing. It was embarrassing how avoidant he was to taking care of you.

You feel your feelings sizzle back up to your mouth, biting your tongue lest you allow them to take the form of words.

However, it fizzles its way up. You feel almost like a soda can that's been shaken and thrown one too many times.

"Do you even remember the last time you've held me? The last kiss YOU'VE initiated? The last date we've been on?" You ask. "It doesn't matter if you don't, because I remember. I've counted for so long, I bet it's more than the stands of hair on my head."

"I know. Please be patient with me, I need time to sort this all out." He whispers shamefully, but you certainly aren't done.

"I've been patient." You reply. "Forget it, this is hopeless.." You're about to go to bed, deciding Kazuha simply isn't worth it. But before you can, his hands reach for your waist.

"I'm sorry," He says softly. "I'm sorry, you know I can be passionate about wandering. I feel caged if I stay in the same location for too long, and I get a thrill from adventuring, but.. I can get passionate about you, too. I collect things that remind me of you on my travels. I think of you constantly. I see your face in every cloud, every reflection, but I think it's time to show you that.."

His apology makes you melt. You aren't quite ready to forgive him yet, not just with an apology. But before you can say something, as if reading your mind, Kazuha starts to kiss at your neck. You feel quick, wet kisses trail your nape. Your breath hitches slightly, his grip on your waist tighter.

"If you want passion, I can show you passion.." He whispers roughly, voice breathy. He turns you around and kisses your lips, pushing you up against the wall. You feel his hands roam your upper chest, moving down from there.

Before you know it, he already has you laid on the bed, looking at you with hungry eyes. He didn't show it before, but he definitely missed you. He missed playing with you like this, and now he'd make up for it. This night was bound to be a long one...

#kazuha #genshin impact #genshin #kazuha genshin impact #kazuha genshin #kazuha x reader #kazuha x you

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system-of-a-feather · 2 months

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Thank you for your long and thoughtful response to the ask I sent in earlier. ; w; (I'm the one who sent the super long ask in asking about late stage recovery.)

It's really reassuring to me that there can still be that sense of supporting one another. I couldn't quite put it into words before, but I think that and knowing we've got each other's backs and we can always count on that, is the thing that most scares me to think about the possibility of losing. I wasn't sure that could still exist if we were ever to fuse. I don't wanna emotion dump in your inbox so I'll leave it at that lol but when you were talking about that part I was like... yeah, that's what I most needed to know. I needed to know that our ability to express care for each other when it's needed wouldn't be lost. So the possibility of fusion someday, doesn't feel as scary anymore -- even if it's not the direction we currently want to go.

Yeah no I totally get it cause that was one of the largest things that terrified me about fusion as well. Growing up we really never had a single adult or family member in our life around to console or care for us and through a lot of therapy and work, our system became very much a family first and foremost that we've learned to realize that we have always had in spite our "real physical" family having not been there. By the time we were developing pretty reliable communication, I began really forgetting that my biological family was my ""actual family"" as I always thought of my parts as my dad, siblings, etc whenever topics like that came up and I'd always have to double take say at the idea that "I don't have a brother". (We only have two sisters, but our system has so many parts that feel like brothers to me so whenever I think about that I'm like 'tf i have like 40 brothers') So the idea of no longer being chronically separate parts scared me shitless cause - for the first time in my life - I felt I had a family and so it was really fucking hard to fathom final fusion without coming to this idea that I'd have to feel alone again.

And cause we were raised feeling very alone in our family for most of our life that was an extremely stressful and triggering feeling after having FINALLY earned and recovered a sense of companionship and belonging with the 'people' that have always been with my my whole life that I had just not been able to be fully aware of and in full acknowledgement of.

And of course, I'm not saying that "YOU WILL LOOSE IT" cause obviously *motions to previous post* it's really hasn't turned out that way - just really saying that its such a real and understandable fear to have. In the moment its kind of like imagining a color that doesn't exist and so you try to imagine it with what you know and its just... hard to put together until you start to get closer to that place in time and life.

But yeah, I will say with a full gut and 100% confidence upon all parts, never once - no matter how little I focus on the parts and just look at the whole or identify as a whole singular person - do I ever feel alone or like my parts that I love and care dearly for that love and care dearly for me are ever NOT here. Never once have I ever felt like I was on my own or that I didn't have anyone internally there to protect, care, support, or love me. Even in the most "zoomed out" whole moments, I never for a second loose that warm, caring intimate relationship I've had with all the parts.

And in the case of "I" - "I" means that it is something that every part agrees on in regards to every other part they've interacted with. Riku, Chunn, XIV, Ray, Lucille, Aderis, Evaline, Aya, Eva, Iris etc etc. Most of the times when I say "I" as Fei, its because it is just something I know is a system wide shared consensus and thing we agree on.

It kinda just sometimes feels like a really big big big group hug or like us all bundling up in a really cozy tent or those little rainbow parachute games they used to play in elementary school where everyone just goes under the parachute

It's honestly a really good time. I've had zero regrets and honestly lately, like the past like week straight, I've been mostly just choosing to mainly be in a state of Fei just so I can enjoy life transitions a little better as a whole and keep a wider view on how to meet our system's needs best cause for those sorts of decisions and all, having a wide lens on life and existence helps a lot more.

That said, I can still grab anyone and everyone and go "YOU - YOUR TURN" and what not (which we do for brief periods here or there, particularly in favorites activites like writing / drawing / DnD making with Riku and exercising with XIV and walks with Chunn)

#alter: fei #ask #asks #final fusion #functional multiplicity #dissociative identity disorder #actuallydid

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crmsnmth · 2 months

Text

Broken Mirror Lover

Leave it up to me I promise it will never get done I have no interest in motovation In fact, I'm sick of what I have Because a schedule is no fun

Now my nose is broke From the coffee mug you threw Such perfect aim in a fit So to the emergency room I'll just tell them all I tripped

My words become abusive As the resentment starts to build Your the mirror that I cracked With seven years of bad luck to fill And I swore I wasn't looking back

Our future was a joke Your the omen that I didn't sign Black bandana and a bullet You said you'd never find the time And I've got nothing left to show for it

Three years have passed I don't have to see your face or hear your screech again You lied to everyone Because I wouldn't write your name with my pen There's no way in hell I'd die with you

We were both at fault Says the scar across my palm Did you forget the night you tried to kill me? I took you in my arms Pretended I gave a damn But we both were awful actors

And now that your gone You're finally free from my life The only time I'll ever see you is for our son You put the restraining order on me As if that would bother me I've got no wish to know your still around

I've got the brusies The glass imbedded in my skull Another emergency room visit You tell them it was an accident I ran into the door As they put those stitches in

Go ahead and blame me Say everything was all my fault As you gaslight and huff gas I really don't mind

Someday this world will know The bitter truth always comes out Even more when you try to hide it You were my broken mirror love Seven years of bad luck With a very low success rate

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bearbaitmegs · 3 months

Note

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers!

The #1 thing that makes me happy is backpacking. Not simply hiking. Long, immersive, multi-weeks-long stretches of it. I love the weight, the sweating, griping, complaining, the views, the satisfaction that comes at the end of each day, no matter how sore. Water is sweeter, beds are softer, my appetite bottomless, the stargazing can't be beat, and I love waking up somewhere different every single day. I enjoy inconsistency. My greatest desire is simply me doing little more than walking all day every day. I expect to lose the ability to do this as I age, due to congenital issues, so it's important to me to do it Now.

The remaining 4 things in no particular order:

I have a Thing for pinecones and other cone-bearing plant seeds. I once met someone who had made a vertically cut pinecone into a necklace and I was just...never the same afterward? I made a handful of art using pinecones as a medium for about a year there. I have a small collection of pinecones from different species of conifer and they're all in labelled ziplock baggies. Forget flowers, just give me a pine bough. (Unless it's an artichoke flower, which is my favorite.)

Being in the kitchen! Herbs and spices! Cooking is one of my favorite outlets for my creativity and affection. I've had a pretty extensive spice collection for well over a decade, but I was introduced to some stunning Middle-Eastern and West Asian cookbooks in the last couple years and I'm obsessed. Without a garden of my own, I live vicariously through friends and fistfuls of the dried stuff/infused butters. One of my favorite ways to spend time with friends is in the kitchen cooking with you, for you, or designing a 7-course meal for fun. I hate the smell of lavender, but oh I love to eat it. Let me make you a tea party, pleaaaaaaase. I don't even mind doing the dishes. Gifting me with dessert is a one-way ticket to my heart.

I suppose cooking falls into this realm also, but just... making things. Painting, sculpting, embroidery, sewing, carving, cutting, glueing, doodling, knitting... put something malleable in my hands. Yeah, yeah, I have chronic tendonitis, who cares it's fine. One autumn I picked up dozens of leaves and just sewed them together into panels and florets.

Antarctica. It became my niche interest because, about 3 years ago, it became the setting for a story I've been chewing on since I was...21? 22? Over a decade ago. I've always got an open tab or bookmark that has to with its biology, geology, geography, etc, though if you ask me, I feel like I barely know anything. I'm not going to go mushy over a penguin or seal plushie or anything; I'm much more interested in the tributaries than the mainstream. I'd like to spend a season working there someday.

Bonus : I sincerely enjoy wearing masks. They're part of my daily wardrobe now and my life has improved in several ways just by having a mask as an extra accessory.

#megii #ask game #its me

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persephonememes · 8 months

Text

* ( STICK SEASON (WE'LL ALL BE HERE FOREVER) BY NOAH KAHAN / SENTENCE PROMPTS

" how you been? "

" what does it mean? "

" i am stuck between my anger and the blame that i can't face "

" i miss the way you laugh "

" but you know how it gets out here "

" you got all my love "

" if you need me dear, i'm the same as i was "

" it's all okay, there ain't a drop of bad blood "

" i just hope that your scars heal "

" i was scared to death "

" i'll never let you go "

" i don't get much sleep most nights "

" i'm seeing you in every dream "

" i'll love you when the oceans dry "

" i'll love you when the rivers freeze "

" don't you know there's a coffin buried under the garden "

" i'm in the process of clearing out cobwebs "

" someday i'm gonna be somebody people want "

" it's been a long year "

" would we survive in a horror movie? "

" i wanna love you 'till we're food for the worms to eat "

" i know every route in this county "

" i'll tell you where not to speed "

" honey, come over "

" no one will tempt you, we know you got sober "

" it's yours if you want it "

" i've been ready for you to come home "

" i didn't think to ask you where you'd gone "

" why'd you go? "

" i haven't drank in six months on the dot "

" don't you find it strange that you just went ahead and carried on? "

" the last time i drank i was face down passed out there on your lawn "

" are we all just pulling you down? "

" remember telling me that you thought you were cursed? "

" love is fast asleep on a dirt road with your head on my shoulder "

" those things I miss but know are never coming back "

" if i was empty space and you were formless shape we'd fit "

" i'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them "

" i know there are worse ways to stay alive "

" why is pain so damn impatient? "

" the last that i heard you were down in new orleans "

" i worry for you. you worry for me. "

" it's fine if we know we won't change "

" i'm leaving this town "

" i know that you're fearing the end "

" i only tell truth when I'm sure that I'm lying "

" how have you been and are you bored yet? "

" time moves so damn slow "

" i stopped caring about a month ago since then it's been smooth sailing "

" i would leave if only i could find a reason "

" i got dreams but i can't make myself believe them "

" i don't want to say goodbye "

" i'm still here with you "

" for a minute the world seems so simple "

" who was i to watch you wilt? "

" i promise to be there this time "

" i'm naming the stars in the sky after you "

" i'm remembering i promised to forget you now "

" it's all the same, anyways "

" i ain't proud of all the punches that i've thrown "

" i gave your name as my emergency phone call "

" i'd die for you "

" why do you do this to yourself? "

" this place had a heartbeat in its day "

" it just ain't that simple, it never was "

" we'll drink to new year's "

" i'm not ready to let go yet "

" now the weight of the world ain't so bad "

" i saw the end, it looks just like the middle "

" who am I to complain? "

" now the pain's different. it still exists, it just escapes different. "

" don't you cancel any plans "

" all lights turned off can be turned on "

" i'll drive all night "

" don't be discouraged "

" i've been exactly where you are "

" if you could see yourself like this, you'd have never tried it "

" won't you stay with me? "

" i even gave up driving after nightfall "

" i'm ain't angry at you, love "

" i'll be waiting for you "

" we spent so long just getting by "

" i'm not a city girl "

" it still has a lot of meaning to me because i grew up there "

" it's a small community of people that really look out for each other "

" last time i was in the back of a cop car, i fell in love "

" it's all the same anyway "

#rp meme #rp memes #rp prompts #ask meme #meme #memes #ask memes #roleplay meme #lyric meme #lyrics #noah kahan

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nix-rose · 8 months

Text

growing up

sorta rant, i just dont know who else to tell.

tw: de@th, being alone, dating, stuff like that

Its always happening but in the last few years its really caught up to me. Im an adult, no longer in highschool i have this huge fear of my younger siblings forgetting how we have so much fun together, of someday my grandparents and parents are going to leave, to an amazing place but I'll still be here. And what if something horrible were to happen and the last thing i said to someone was something mean or uncaring. I end every phone conversation or text to a family member or close friend with an i love you because of that fear.

Im currently on a vacation with my siblings and parents and were staying with our grandparents. My grandma doesnt approve of our lifestyle and how my mom chose to homeschool my sibling and i so i feel like i have to always be happy because otherwise my grandma will say something like "oh, you poor thing." and guilt my mom about how she still kinda tells me what to do.

I have an amazing relationship with both of my parents and I love them so much, so when my mom asks me to do stuff I have no problem helping out. she raised me and my siblings all these years, its the least i can do. but my grandmother doesnt see it that way and always brings up how "You're an adult, you dont have to listen to what she says-" which pisses me off to no end, she doesnt understand how much i enjoy helping of course there are times that i dont feel like doing something but if i say anything about it my gma will start going on about how im an adult and i shouldnt have to listen to my mom still. it feels like an endkess cycle and i feel like i cant cry in front of anyone anymore because otherwise its "you poor thing" and i dont want fucking pity i just miss people i can talk to with out feeling judged.

now onto a different subject, dating. Im not going to lie, Ive never had a first kiss, never had a boyfriend, im very very social but I havent clicked with anyone. I get so worried that I'm not going to find a guy whos sweet and caring and likes me. I feel like I'm ready to commit but these guys I've met either ghost me or just straight up ignore my texts for days at a time. I see so many people getting in to relationships and i just wish i could have that.

Anyways, if anyone does read this hi, welcome to my mess of life and enjoy your stay.

#nix-rose speaks #personal rant #vent #its a mess #i think i need help #who knows not me

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sunasjellyfruit · 2 years

Text

Haikyuu boys morning after headcanons

Characters: Oikawa, Suna, Bokuto, Daichi. (Part 2 will come someday)

Warnings: Mentions of sex (?), mentions of virginity, food, morning and sleepy boys.

I've been writing this mainly at school so be patient with part two <3

Oikawa

Sweetest boy ever but worried af.

Won't even try to look at your body, he only has eyes for your pretty sleepy face. He thinks you're an angel, with the golden sunlight that enters through the window hitting your figure just perfectly.

Even though, as the respectful and mature boy he is, he covers your body with the blankets so you don't feel uncomfortable once you wake up.

He tries to resist it, but he ends up brushing your soft hair delicately with his fingers, and cupping your face with only one hand, which tears you apart from sleeping.

Not like you can complain though, I mean, the first thing you see in the morning is the bright smile and tired puffy eyes of your boyfriend, looking at you so full of love and adoration.

"Good morning beautiful." He greeted you, sweet and raspy voice reverberating through his chest into your head. "Good morning." You repeated, with one hand holding the covers over your chest and the other tracing circular patterns with your nails on the skin of his arm and shoulder. "How are you feeling?" He asked, and you knew that his question also implied if you had enjoyed last night. "A bit stiff, but I like it. Last night was wonderful, I wouldn't change anything even if I had a time travel machine."

The way his face scrunched when he laughed had your stomach fluttering with thousands of butterflies, in a good way of course.

"Glad to know that we agree. Last night couldn't have been better. So, why don't we now go to a pretty, nice and cozy café to have some breakfast? I bet this body of yours needs to recover some energies." "Well, I wouldn't say no to a piece of carrot cake. But I want one of your hoodies, they're big and warm." "Deal." He finished, leaving a soft kiss on your forehead.

Really, the softest and most considerate man you could ever ask for. Turns around for you to change, prepares a glass of water for you to drink before going out, makes sure you're not uncomfortable or in pain... A lovely, lovely boy.

Suna

We all know he loves naps and being relaxed in bed, but I think he's the kind of person who doesn't fall asleep easily, so please don't wake him up if you wake up before him.

He probably let you have one of his shirts the night before when you both finished, so now you can find yourself half naked in his bed, surrounded by warm and cozy blankets and an asleep Suna hugging your waist as if his life depended on it.

His head on your chest made it easy to you to play with his hair a little, listening to his steady and calm breathing. Only when you heard him groan once or twice you stopped, thinking you were gonna wake him up.

"Why did you stop? Don't stop, it felt good." Suna suddenly said, and you smiled knowing that he was still half-asleep by the way he didn't pronounce every word correctly.

"Good morning sleeping beauty. I can't feel a leg so I would be very thankful if you moved just a little bit." You whispered, leaving small kisses over his face. "Mmh, sorry." He stopped one second, and then continued talking once he could look at you without putting all his weight over your small body. "Last night was good."

"Good?" You repeated, lifting one eyebrow at his smirk. "Suna, you have another opportunity to repeat that if you don't want me to step out of your room as if I hadn't just lost my virginity with you last night. And you better make it romantic." You dared him, and you knew he was even happier than you when you saw his smile and his flushed cheeks.

"Last night was the best night of my life, with the best and only girlfriend I've ever had and I will never forget it. Are you happy now? Because I'm really happy and I'm not gonna say it again." "Very happy, yes." "Perfect. Can we stay here for a while?" He asked, looking at you with his eyes half closed but completely focused on you. "Aren't you hungry?" You questioned, noticing that it was already quite late but still morning.

"I am, but this bed never felt so comforting and I don't want it to end, not now that you're here with me." He confessed.

Bokuto

Himbo boy, baby boy.

Will hug your body so hard during the whole night, there's no way you feel cold between his arms. He's like a giant teddy bear who you can cuddle with for as long as you want.

Probably sleeps a lot and tends to wake up late so don't expect to find him awake once you open your eyes.

Congrats, this is probably the only opportunity you'll have of being in the same room with a silent and relaxed Bokuto.

You brushed your fingers along the firm muscles of his back, massaging his shoulders while hearing his pleased growls. But not even with that he woke up.

You ended up stepping out of bed to go to the bathroom and make something for breakfast.

Once he wakes up, he panics. But like, his heart stops when he doesn't see you. And he's so confused cause he remembers what happened last night, he's still half naked and his bed is still warm.

So his mind starts rushing and confabuling by its own, and he reaches the conclusion that you left his house cause you didn't liked what happened the previous night, or that he hurted you, or that you only wanted that from him.

Bokkun entered in depressed mode.

He walked slowly towards his kitchen, not minding about the noises coming from there and only thinking that maybe some food can help his sad heart, when he literally crashes onto you, holding your body in the last second.

"Bokkun! Good morning big boy! You sure were more tired than me." You said with a wonderful smile that made him even more confused. "Y/n?" He named you. "Yeah? That's me, what's wrong?" "I thought you left me." He whined, his puppy eyes shining and his lips forming a cute pout.

Oh god, you kissed him so sweetly that he thought he was gonna melt. Still confused, but he wasn't gonna complain. "I was hungry and I didn't want to wake you up, but now that you're here, I made some scrambled eggs with ham, toasts and orange juice." You told him, holding his face with adoration. "And I would never leave you, at least not before telling you that last night was incredible."

"You are incredible. And the best. And amazing. And I don't remember any other adjective but i'm so thankfull that you're here with me that i only want to hug and kiss you over and over again.

Daichi

Best boy, a truly gentlemen.

He can't believe you're truly there with him.

Your back is pressed against his chest, your legs tangled together, his arm holding your waist and your small fingers on his forearm. Daichi was ipnotized with the way your slow and steady breathing moved your body slightly, his minds rushed through a million thoughts.

The memory of your body below his, skin against skin, your lewd noises and red lips...

Fuck no, he shouldn't be thinking about that. Not yet.

He was mesmerized at how you looked so innocent tight now, between his arms, in his bed, with his clothes... He didn't want to consider you his but after you let him take such an important and private part of yourself last night, something inside of him changed.

He's probably even more nervous now than the previous evening.

What's he gonna say once you wake up? What are you gonna say once you wake up? He made sure last night to take care of you, and so you did with him, but what if you actually didn't enjoy it? What if he hurted you?

So, instead of keep thinking, he kept himself busy by memorising the curve of your neck, the sweet smell of your hair and the dim shadow that the bridge of your nose created on your face.

Oh god he is so in love.

Like, he can't even breathe correctly, his stomach flutters and he can't stop smiling.

And the best part comes when you finally open your eyes and look at him, eyes bright and slightly red. And he knows what to say, he knows what to do, and he also knows that you're the right one.

"Good morning pretty." He whispers. "G'morning." You try to say, turning around and stretching, placing yourself comfortably on his arms again. "How are you feeling?" He asks politely, but he's sure about the answer just by your smile. "Like a queen, i'm perfect."

"Well, then... I think that the cookies we baked last night and didn't eat are going to taste wonderfully, and i don't know about you but i'm starving." He said, and you smiled and kissed his lips before getting out of bed.

Oh lord, his heart stopped again when he saw your figure, his pants hanging low on your hips, his shirt too big on you.

It was going to be a wonderfully long night.

#This is my first post since june or july lol #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu!!#hq headcanons #haikyuu #haikyuu oneshot #hq #haikyuu x reader #anime #haikyuu suna #haikyuu oikawa headcanon #haikyuu oikawa #haikyuu suna headcanons #haikyuu bokuto headcanons #haikyuu bokuto #haikyuu daichi #haikyuu daichi headcanons

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