#emotionally draining myself

[bylrndgm]

seize the day!

byler week 2023 | day ii: 80s movies movie: dead poets society (1989) | insp. dedicated to @edelweiss-coffee

#byler #bylerweek2023 #Day 2 80s Films #byler gif #byler edit #mike wheeler #will byers #dead poets society #holding neil and todd gently; holding mike and will gently #mine #mine:gif #i've never seen four prettier best friends #holding my head on my hands #crying over my own post #crying over gay fictional characters on my phone #being a cancer moon is exhausting #emotionally draining myself #creative process: none actually? i just knew i wanted to make a byler x dead poets society gifset so like yeah took the gayest scene ... #... of that movie and made it byler #also yeah like the byler gifs are in slow mo but whatever - it was trendy ten years ago to make slow mo gifs #fun fact: i didn't save the psd i made for the byler scenes so when i started working on the neil x todd ones i was like #“fuck what am i gonna do?” and basically made a random psd again and well i like how it turned out #there's good in bad #right? #this is really simple tho but whatever?

[brokenfrombirth]

🎵 Maybe if I hurt myself you could be the bandage. I don’t wanna ask for help, you’d call it baggage 🎵

#mental health #mentally unstable #bpd #borderline personality disorder #mentally exhausted #emotionally drained #mental battle #childhood trauma #emotional abandonment #ptsd problems #ptsd #selfharm #suicidal #hate myself #worthless #emotionally damaged #røry #trauma

[emry-stars-art]

Pros of “apology dinner” at the Hemmicks: Drake’s dead now

Cons of “apology dinner” at the Hemmicks:

everything else

#using my love of and ability to draw decent sheets and bedding for ✨evil✨ #at time of drafting: #I have mentally and emotionally drained myself this fine Sunday #👍 #unfortunately for all of us I was reading through the updates over on otdiaftg #kept getting punched in the gut #and saw an opportunity to test my limits with drawing emotion #so anyway #if you guys know of any fandom-specific tags I should add lmk #fan art #my art #aftg #all for the game #neil josten #andrew minyard #aaron minyard #drake spear #blood #I guess it’s b&w/graphite but just to be safe

[bonkalore]

Finally got on setting up a pool for Matteo's vet bills bc it's been hard to keep up with work while I've been so emotionally drained trying to watch and spend time with him since Sep.  He's our baby boy but also expensive. 

I kept being unsure how to set one up with the PayPal changes but it still has a fundraiser option I guess. It only lasts for a month tho. $3,000 is just the rough estimate of how much his bills have cost since Sep and I'm waaay behind on covering losses... Anything helps. Pls spread if you can.

#vet bills #birblr #green cheek conure #Matteo #shut your face bonka #signal boost #if you've known me for a while you'd know how we lost Birb to bornavirus... #we know Matteo has and aren't entirely sure if that's the cause of his problems currently but it very likely is & we've been treating since #I've just been prepping myself for the worst and am emotionally drained every day #trying to enjoy our time together and remember when he's acting himself #this is a hard time

[alwaysneedyforsir]

is a hug too much to ask for

#seriously #i’m jus #so so goddamn touch starved #like i would do insane things to just get a hug rn #a proper hug that lasts like two seconds #so so tired #physically but also #emotionally n mentally drained rn #tired n exhausted n straight up numb #i get myself out of this shitty place n then fall right back into it again #just #a proper night’s sleep where i don’t wake up exhausted and dreading the day ahead #n a fucking hug #seriously when did a hug become too much to ask for #i’ll probably wake up n be horrified n delete this so enjoy my rambles for the next like #3.5-4ish hours before i’m awake again? #fml! #it’s fine i’m fine everything’s fine #i just need someone to hug me while i sleep a full night #and the chances of me finding that anytime soon are #too low to even try n pretend to calculate #goodnight y’all #wishing y’all the hugs that i can’t seem to get #me #my thoughts

[angellurgy]

squeak

#when i am gone it will be no more impactful than a tree falling in a forest with no one to hear it. #my death will have a meaninglessly small impact on this world. maybe it'll have a larger impact on the incorporeal. #there is something in my soul. something hungry. a serpent of unstoppable magnitude held captive in my stomach. #it wont stop until it or i kill us both will it? like a cancer. #im so deeply sorry im so bad at responding to everyone's kind messages. even more so sorry for what will eventually happen next #i have some plans. to excise this tumor that is myself. to rid the world of this putrid filth girl who is nothing but a drain on her compan #we'll see what happens. at least i got my body to a point of self approval before. at least i tried music. at least i tried to be me. #even if it changed nothing. at least im more secure in my being. if only the people around me werent so emotionally far. if only we cld tal #if only i could live with my self approval instead of loving and wanting so dearly. instead of having a mind corrupted by love #and friendship #i was so much. i know you all barely know anything about me in reality. if i asked any you'd probably just list off kinks and species. #but still. ty those who'll remember yk... #and as backup. if it doesnt work. well. please dont hate me. im just a girl who needs out. and cant keep her thoughts inside more #i hope i can be happy in the afterlife. i hope i can see these angels and maybe be one myself. #gonna put a post on top of this to hide it from brand new ppl lookjng at my blog. bc yeah. you all dont need to hear all of this #its the last one of these for this period either way #god i wish i couldve gone to toronto. i want to so bad still. god. why did i have to realize my hopelessness now of all times #bye

[goldkirk]

I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE!

#I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE ABOUT ANYTHING #IT DOESN'T HAVE TO OVERRIDE ALL OTHER PROGRAMMING EVER AGAIN #HA #MY GOD THAT FEELS LIKE TWO DECADES OF RELIEF #and I found out yesterday. that this year. next winter. it IS two decades. exactly. this is the year. every day i am shown new reminders #that keep me going in my mission to relearn to fully and instinctually trust my self #ever since [redacted therapist] asked me point blank and my IMMEDIATE response was complete disbelief #a firm 'you think there's any universe where i'd feel like i could trust myself? after my nonstop history of failures and being horrible?' #tone “No!” of disbelief #and a horrible way-too-harsh laugh that bolted out before I could strangle it off and stop it. #that woman never coddled my feelings any time I spoke something alarming or bullshit and that was so helpful to me #and the tone she let exist in her voice when she responded to me with a very uncharacteristic “Oh Katie.” #was so. so much more agonizing for me. than her responding with an immediate logical slam-dunk of the truth about healthy behavior and stuf #anyway ramble over i'm so tired. i've done so much trauma work this week i am Drained emotionally #now i see what the past several months but especially especially #the baffling (to me) infuriating out-of-control-speedrun-somatic-processing + every-health-condition-flaring slog that December and January #were for me when I hadn't expected anything to be wrong #...and the extremely specific way this certain zone and particular incident kept coming up over and over and over and over and OVER was not #a bug. it was a feature. thank goodness i trust myself for little things now bc that's the only way i was able to get to this other side #and look back and suddenly realize that my subconscious and body knew what they needed and had a plan in progress the whole time. just like #i rationally say I trust them to have and do. #and that perhaps maybe. for real for real instead of just TELLING myself hard enough a lie that i trust my self and i trust my body and tha #they always know their own needs and timing if really slow down and listen to them f u l l y #anyway. yeah. bye haha i need to stop oversharing on the internet #trauma evolution #shh katie #personal #my god. i wished for this day more than i wished for anything else my whole life. all these many many many many years. what magic. #add to journal #abuse

[astranauticus]

(spoilers up to orv chapter 270) (sort of?)

you ever just kinda. suddenly realise what you're listening to

#omniscient reader's viewpoint #omniscent reader #orv spoilers #orv #kim dokja #yoo joonghyuk #art i made #the first hyperlink is to the song on youtube the second one is to my translation btw #that caption was not an exaggeration i was deadass like walking back from class with my spotify on shuffle and kinda like #tuned back in to what was playing in my ears and just had a kinda. HOLD UP WAIT A FUCKIN SECOND #honestly the whole song is kinda yjh if you squint and like for what its worth literally the only reason this is tied to like #that scene from 269 specifically is bc i literally just read that part today so it was really fresh in my brain #god the process of making this was so strange too bc i did it in almost one sitting except i had a fuckin SPORTS EVENT of all things #in the evening so it was like. 3 hours straight of doing this 2 hours of playing sportsball of all things then another 3 hours of this #so now i am physically mentally AND emotionally drained! genuinely couldntve had a more exhausting consecutive 8 hours if i tried #btw fun fact in the spirit of like. making life easier for myself all of yjh's flashback frames or whatever are webtoon panel redraws #except for that last one obviously cuz the webtoon isnt there yet (which. wow the processing of drawing that was. very painful) #but its like. I AM THE WAY THAT I AM if given the chance to draw to my knowledge one of the most tragic moments from the story I WILL DO IT #ok looking back theres a bunch of editing errors but also i just. really need to go do my ACTUAL FUCKIN WORK LMAO #god my arm hurts #hmmm i might clean up that 10 scenario sketch later on. i kinda like how the wings turned out #and also kdj's dipshit expression.

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

me waiting for my writer’s block to fuck off and leave me alone so i can finish this chapter:

#my creativity is just so dead rn and it makes me want to crawl out of my own skin #i’ve been waiting MONTHS to finally have a little bit of free time to breathe and catch up on writing stuff #and naturally now that i have i am so mentally and emotionally drained i can barely string a sentence together #i feel so distant and detached from my characters #and yes i know it’ll pass #but i just feel so caught in this headspace rn and needed to vent #i’m SO close to finishing this chapter for good but i have well and truly fallen at the final hurdle #the perfectionism has got me #ugh #also if anyone reading this is worried about four walls being updated #please don’t #i literally circle through this headspace every single chapter #and it hasn’t stopped me yet #(and it never will either. i couldn’t give up on this fic if i tried) #but it’s just hitting me particularly hard this last week #why is writing such an agonising process sometimes #anyway #enough rambling from me for one night #i’ll drag myself back to my laptop and see if i can work some magic #wish me luck #writing stuff #lulu posts

[laviemorteart]

Emotionally drained but the tub is spilling </3

#me #myself #art #artist #arte #artwork #emotions #feelings #thoughts #latina #artists on tumblr #girly stuff #cartoon #digital art #digital sketch #emotionally drained #mental health #mentalheathawareness #mine #my art #La Vie Morte

[themindofmine]

There are a million thoughts in my head and I can’t sort them out

#i dont even know myself #mental health #thoughts #dead inside #tw depression #kinda depressing #i cant do this #please help #deep feelings #tw depressive #tw mental health #tw vent #mentally exhausted #emotionally exhausted #tw depressive thoughts #mentally tired #i cant do it anymore #emotionally drained

[thegloomiez]

People wanting to take my energy

don't realize I'm running on fumes,

I stay unbothered cause how

can they take what I don't have? 🍃

#setting boundaries #bettering myself #self discovery #self development #self worth #toxic family #emotionally drained #going numb #girls who smoke weed #soft grunge #grunge #grungy aesthetic #gremlin spouse #stoner wife #black #black cats #stoner community

[skullyfuck]

#considering getting a tattoo of something like this but #ill figure that out when im a bit more mentally stable and not as drained #reminder to not make any life changing decisions whilst emotionally comprimised #rest in peace techno #tw death #technoblade never dies #rest in peace technoblade #you deserved better king #so so much better #we'll miss you #we miss you already #god im making myself cry again #skullys favs #technoblade #technoblr

[ilikeyoshi]

appointment went VERY unexpectedly but ultimately very good. i feel really really good about what we talked about.

#i'm also emotionally DRAINED and didn't realize it until i got home and read One Thing so LMAO #gonna be scarce the rest of today/maybe tmrw cus i can feel myself doing the “NO MORE heavy thoughts or i start blasting” thing #i just rly wanted to let friends know im feeling good about the future w this stuff!! #yoshi talks

[touch-starved-lurker]

does anyone have that post thats like about loving people gently?? like so it says kinda sure youd kill for me or die for me but would you rest for me. would you let me hold and take care of you

need it for reasons

#the reasons is me #incredibly emotionally drained #and need to convince myself taht not talking to anyone for a few hours to recharge #is okay and good actually

[callixton]

oh i am on the Brink of a mental breakdown. and like a real one. i am going to feel so so fucking terrible and guilty if i don’t go to the first week of mac rehearsal bc i need to recover but i am also getting the sense that i Need to recover. i have never been this burnt out or genuinely terrified of starting a new semester in my life.

#we go back to campus a week early for mac. to be clear #and god they’ll be long days and they’ll be physically emotionally and mentally draining and i genuinely dont know if i can take that #but i am also going to be missing SO much time. and i won’t be there to support the people who i need to #i have also. been thinking a lot about how i’m scared that i think so much abt death bc i’m gonna be one of those people #who seem even more than everyone else like they have a finite time and then they die young #and then my mom compared me to jonathan larson tonight #so maybe that’s some sort of sign that i need to slow the fuck down #i am crying rn. for myself. which happens about three times a year #and yeah one is usually during winter break so we’re on schedule #i don’t know. idk!! i don’t know what to do here #and i still have to do my fucking scene prep for tomorrow #bc i was talking my mom about it and i really needed support which she was giving and then she has to leave for five seconds #and when she came back the entire conversation was just about her own problems again which we’ve already talked about every fucking night bc #- you can’t leave conversations with her and i hate when she fucking drunks i hate it i hate it #i am Not Well. i’ve sort of been avoiding admitting to myself just how badly #but man. i can push through anything until i drop but when i start wishing that i’ll drop so i have an excuse for a break….. not good #ted talks #the west wing