#emotional health break

[wispscribbles]

Mw3 spoilers (just a long personal ramble)

Hiii. So

As soon as the pre-release came out on, I hunted down spoilers, because I know myself and knew that if someone died and I got that information out of the blue, I wouldn’t take it well. Jokes on me, because I still haven’t been taking it well lol

I won’t talk about how Soap’s death was handled or the quality of the game. Plenty of smarter people are doing so.

I try not to talk a lot about myself and irl stuff on here, but will just say: I am very unwell, mentally. (Cue silence because that’s not surprising at all) Something I am very aware that I do, is that I latch onto fiction with my whole being, usually one specific character. For some reason, I always latch onto the character that ends up dead, usually in a way that make them only exist to further the motivations of other characters. It sucks.

So my hope for Soap has never been great, but for some reason I was still so shocked?? I don’t know, I tricked myself into thinking this time was different. Such an iconic character with so much good setup for great character development. I knew someone would die, but ow. To me, he was the element that made 141 seem more like family than coworkers. Soap’s interactions with the rest just livened up the games so much and made them all shine. Especially Ghost. Their dynamic, man.

Soap was the character that intrigued me enough to jump into the cod rabbit hole. It feels very hollow without him.

I keep telling myself that it’s silly to be so hurt over something fictional, and that I can just treat it as a mcd fanfic and move on, but nope. Brain’s stuck in the bad stuff. It’s a bad habit of mine to let something like this affect me so much, but well. Logic vs feeling and all that.

I really did find so much comfort in Soap this last year, that I severely needed. It feels a little like losing someone I know, someone who helped me through a rough time. I related to something in him and felt inspired. I only started writing after getting into ghostsoap, I started working out and I got back into art after a very long burnout. It may be fiction, but the impact is not.

So that was pretty much the worst case scenario of what mw3 could be to me. I always knew the risk, but, once again, ow. But there also seems to be plenty of good stuff in the game that I enjoy. I’m happy with the Ghost and Soap dialogue, the whole team working together and seeing Laswell and Farah and Alex and Nik. I hope I can be inspired by some of the new content once I’m calmer.

And I was worried they would ignore Ghost and Soap’s relationship after their development in mw2, but they genuinely seem to have gotten real close. It’s nice. I thought the shipping might scare the game devs into never having them appear in a scene together again, so that’s a plus.

Bottom line to all this is: I probably need a little break to get my head sorted. The grief is surprisingly real, it’s triggered some old stuff for me (haven’t been sleeping or eating, been stuck in some old thoughts). I’ll need to calm down and become a bit more normal about this again. Part of the grief isn’t so much about Soap himself, but also just the safe space that this account has been. The very nature of how the fandom is going to interact with Soap and Ghostsoap is going to change now, and man… I liked how it was, y’know? Could’ve used a little longer in that bubble. There’s going to be plenty of new fics and art, lovely stuff as always, but many of them will be tinged with grief, and I’m not in a place where that won’t break me a little.

I will hopefully come back to posting and making stuff once my brain settles down. I have so many drafts for fics and ideas that I hope I can return to. I’ve gotten so used to drawing these lads that I doubt I can stop tbh

The version of Soap that we love is already evolved from the games due to all the time and care the community has put into the character. The games may have killed him, but luckily, he’s fictional. We can do what we want, same as before.

I’m not even saying that I wish they hadn’t killed him. The games are crafting a story that fits their audience. It makes sense.

But I will choose to live in one of the many universes we’ve created for Soap, where he is alive and cared for, with a found family and a spooky lieutenant with a soft spot for him. Good for him.

Hope you’re all taking care of yourselves. RIP canon Soap (again). Thanks to Neil for a wonderful portrayal. And no matter where we go from here, thanks for a wonderful year of creating with you lovely folks. Seriously, some of the kindest people I’ve met in fandom. <3

Lastly: fuck you Kevin O’Reilly, but more importantly, sincerely thank you. (CallMeKevin video about mw2 got me into this mess. Otherwise I was keeping cod at an arm’s length, but he’s my fav youtuber, so I watched it. And here we are!)

#if u don’t wanna read: I’ll be taking a small break for mental health reasons but expect to be back and creating for this fandom again <3 #mw3 #mw3 spoilers #cod mwiii #mwiii spoilers #call of duty mwiii #ghostsoap #wispy update #always feel anxious posting anything emotional but feel like this one deserved a proper update #you’re all wonderful ppl ily #hopefully see you soon !

[mindful-luna]

Things You Should Never Feel Guilty or Fearful About:

Setting healthy boundaries

Prioritizing your mental health

Doing what brings you happiness

Loving someone deeply

Standing up for yourself

Asking for help when needed

Embracing your dreams

Allowing your body to rest

Choosing a unique life path

Speaking your truth authentically

Learning from mistakes

Assertively saying 'no' when necessary

Holding a different opinion

Experiencing strong emotions

Taking time for solitude

Recognizing when you need a break

Putting your own well-being first

#daily positivity #kind reminders #self care #self love #boundaries #mental health matters #happiness #authenticity #empowerment #self expression #dream big #rest #individuality #speak your truth #emotional wellness #solitude #breaks #prioritization #health #mindful living

[bonefall]

I can't see how the writers still think Skystar's a good person. Like, twelve year old me liked him and thought he was interesting, but I was like twelve. And even I knew he was an irredeemable asshole after Moth Flight's Vision. If a twelve year old can figure this stuff out I have no idea what these grown ass writers were doing.

DOTC has a thesis, stated in The First Battle, that really explains everything.

"Fear and Greed" is just a fake-deep way to reinvent a Good and Evil dichotomy. Because Clear Sky's abuse comes from a place of fear, it means it's not malicious, unlike a "greedy" cat.

He can be "soothed," ergo, he's a fundamentally good person.

Post-First Battle, the books are focusing constantly on his feelings, how sad it makes him to not be trusted, how happy he is when people are on his side. All while he continues to screech at people who tell him what to do, manipulate and mistreat his son, and even still beats and mauls those who offend him.

But because it's "fear," that doesn't matter. That's a justification, an excuse. The writers don't seem to believe in good and bad actions as much as they do good and bad people. True 'evil' comes from a person who hurts others for the wrong reasons, like 'revenge' or malice.

It's abuse apologia. Plain and simple.

The truth is that abusers don't think of themselves as evil people, and everyone, even you and me, is capable of being toxic or abusive. Talk to those who have been abused and we'll tell you; we often stayed because we "saw the good," or even felt responsible for them. Abuse can be passed down through generations because the kids come to believe the way they were treated was normal and okay.

If you go through life thinking that abuse only comes from evil/greedy people, you won't see it when it happens right in front of you. Fundamental good and evil is childish. Abuse comes from fear all the time.

Abuse is about power and control. Fear of rejection, of losing someone, of pain, those are all very common motivators as the abuser tries to stop them from happening before they even begin. It doesn't MATTER that your abuser is in pain too, you NEVER "deserved" what they did in an attempt to break your legs so you wouldn't run.

But... we can all change. Even the worst of us. It's never too late to stop hurting others, move on to a better life, but some people never will. Skystar loves his power, and he keeps that power no matter how many times he misuses it.

He has no reason to change as long as his cruelty rewards him with status and authority.

But the writers are incapable of recognizing that, because for this entire arc, they were stuck in an absurd view of the world in terms of Fear and Greed. Abuse can be excused if he did it for the "right reason," and that makes him "fundamentally different" from the truly evil villains, Slash and One Eye.

Hopefully, it now makes more sense to you.

#I am completely sincere when I say that I am legitimately concerned for the mental health of these writers sometimes #It's a lot of words to say. Again. That evil is really really simple. #It feels good to get what you want. #Power gets you what you want-- Security. Assurance. Respect. #Everyone wants these things. #It's not about having a twisted and sadistic soul #I'm sure those exist out there. But they're so so rare #And you will get hurt if you need to believe that the only person it's okay to leave or distrust or hate is a literal monster #You can leave anyone who tries to control and hurt you actually!! #Even if they're in emotional pain and insist that they NEED YOU #You didn't deserve it! You never did! It's okay! They didn't need to be a monster. And you're not one for leaving either. #Or resenting them. Or recognizing that they can't be trusted. #Of course... well. Clear Sky DOES act like a monster in this text. #Gouging out people's eyes and slaughtering innocent women #But most of the time irl your abuser didn't like. Kill someone lmao #At some point the metaphor breaks down #BUT!!! #cw abuse #dotc hate #Clear Sky #Skystar #Anyway casting spell of I Love You on every abuse survivor who feels a connection here #bone babble

[traumatic-wildrose]

Cold

Empty

Waiting alone

Isolated from the world

Left with only my thoughts

A constant reminder of my lack of self worth

...

The silence never felt so loud

#emotional abuse #mental health #mentally exhausted #sad poem #inner thoughts #original poem #poets on tumblr #writers and poets #tw depressing thoughts #anxitey #self worth #not okay #childhood trauma #heartbreak #alone with my thoughts #poem #poetry #healing journey #sad poetry #sad thoughts #breaking point #emotionally immature people #mental abuse #abuse survivor #unlovable #poets corner #mental heath support #mentally drained #child abuse #the tortured poets department

[vipier]

one of these days I will feel like I can be creative and active again instead of like a used up kitchen rag but today is not that day

#anyway sorry guys I’m just living in the pits and I’m really trying but oof and i don’t even know how to talk abt it #and honestly I think I’m too avoidant of my feelings to actually want to and my emotions change every 10 minutes regardless #me: I’m over it! #also me five minutes later: 🌀 #don’t even trust employers you think you can trust let this be a lesson (even though it’s no one’s fault I’m reaching ‘anger’ in my coping) #also every chronic health problem I have is acting up WHY #and I’m having to take a ttpd break bc it’s sending my mental health into a spiral like girl I didn’t have to be understood this much

[moonlit-positivity]

Here is your daily reminder to slow down. Why are you in such a rush? Who is pressuring you to be perfect right now? What or where or who is the sense of danger coming from? Slow down. Take a deep breath. Pause. Take your time. Take a break. Rest. Relax your muscles. Relax your mind. You've got more time than you think.

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #boundaries #trauma awareness #trauma recovery #emotional regulation #co regulation #reparenting #taking breaks #abuse recovery #perfectionism #people pleasing #mental health reminders #reminders #suggestions #advice #life advice #emotional work #growth

[fuck-em-up-your-grace]

Shadow.

*breaks into tears*

#four swords #shadow link #I drafted so many different versions going into more depth but couldn’t figure out how I wanted to word them so. this is what you get. #he’s my blorbo I love him #there’s something so??? emotional? to me about being a kid in a terrible situation and trying to reach out and just. not getting help. #and so you go off and do terrible things and drive everyone away and that adds even more to your mental health crises and it starts to cycle #but then someone gives you a second chance. and you don’t ‘deserve’ it but you get it anyways. and it works. you get help. better yourself. #maybe you never deserved forgiveness but you got it anyways and you used it to actually break out of the cycle and find happiness/fulfilment #despite being isolated and hating the world you come back. you come back from hatred and despair. and that’s just so?? AHH wonderful/painful

[0809sysblings]

it is always a little funny to me when people try to make psychologists and psychiatrists out to be the only people ever capable of being able to accurately diagnose mental illnesses and disorders and that their word is law as a way to criticize self diagnosis when like. once i was hospitalized and the psychiatrist there who i had not even known for more than a day tried to diagnose me as bipolar despite me having No history of mania because he.. couldn't really understand why i acted the way i did i guess???

#milgran't #tw hospital #tw psych ward #i just randomly remembered this (i say randomly as if i dont know exactly why im thinking about this stuff). dont mind me #tbh i should make a tag for like. more personal posts. but. idk what to make the tag name.. #oh well #apologies for not being cool and collected and expressing things that show that im a human with emotions and needs recently #The Holidays are probably. one of the worst times of the year for me </3 #its not even seasonal depression or whatever its just Oh Jesus Oh Fuck Oh God (gets hit by 99999 trauma bullets) #that psychiatrist sucked SOOOO fucking bad btw #trying to prematurely diagnose me as bipolar was one of the tamest things he did during my stay #i hate him i genuinely hope he dies <3 #tbh i think he actually did. Break The Law with me. he probably couldve argued it was for the safety of others bc im crazy :3. but. #sometimes i just Remember That and im like. huh. hey what the fuck actually #but seriously. so many mental health professionals just make you sit there and go. .. how the FUCK did you get your license?????? #ive heard some of The Most ''oh only people who are completely ignorant about mental health say this!'' type of shit from professionals #idk why im the one being labelled as insane when they think saying some of that shit is okay and professional MFKDLSFMDSf

[invalid-request]

Me finally understanding what my abusers did, and solving the mystery of where my mental health issues came from

#breaking bad #breaking bad memes #cptsd #cptsd memes #actually cptsd #actually traumatized #childhood trauma #family trauma #trauma memes #childhood abuse #emotional neglect #narcissistic parents #narcissistic abuse #narcissistic mother #trauma #mental health #mentalhealth #bpd

[quiltedlovers]

finally watched heartstopper because one of the part time kids from when i worked at the bakery really wanted me to for the longest time and i was feeling sentimental. i don’t think i have ever wished so strongly to have had a piece of media as a teenager + have never felt so much gratitude that kids get to have it now

#‘it’s corny’ is such a lame and wilfully obtuse criticism #charlie and nick are 14 and 15 when it starts!!!! kids that age are more than allowed to be corny!!!!! #as the actors have said it’s an optimistic and idealized in some ways version of reality #but it’s so grounded in reality!!! especially from the viewpoint of the age group of the characters #I also think even in the brief beginning of charlie’s storyline with anorexia and self harm the portrayal is already so much healthier and #safer for a show geared towards an audience who statistically has mental health struggles more often #than 13 reasons why for example #i wish to god that show had never gotten made #also YEAH DUDE it’s so normal for 15 year olds to not drink or do drugs or even know where to get drugs #and to not be ready for sex!!!!!!!!! #also A REALISTIC PORTRAL OF LESBIAN TEENAGERS !!!! THAT IS SO CUTE AND SWEET #anyway im. looking into masters of information programs #thinking about being a librarian just has me emotional about recent censorship and book bans surrounding queer literature #really and truly breaks my heart that heart stopper the graphic novels are on those lists #heartstopper

[train-fans-anonymous]

Guys my 2000 word Rodimus angst fic got deleted from my drafts because I forgot about it ☹️

#It feels wrong calling it an angst fic because it’s meant to be abt my struggles with mental health but idk how else to describe it #because in a way it IS angsty but the experience is more than just a genre or category #I hit like a road block while writing about it due to uh more mental health stuffs which is ironic #but yeah it’s gone now sooo #Idk if I should rewrite it #It wouldn’t be the same #I honestly didn’t expect it to hit 2000 words but thems the breaks #but yeah I forgot I had til the 16th and now all that emotion is just gone. #we in sad boy hours now

[thethingything]

deleted a bunch of the posts from yesterday because the paranoia finally caught up with me 🙃 but anyway we can't taste properly, we're constantly shaky and wheezy and dizzy, and the cough we've got has gotten significantly worse, and I called our GP to ask about paxlovid or similar treatment and got dismissed before I could even speak to a doctor and I really, really just want to go scream at someone but that would be a shitty thing to do.

I fucking hate that people keep going out while ill and not taking even basic precautions to avoid infecting others. I hate that we're basically at the mercy of everyone else because no matter how hard we try people still infect us and doctors just end up dismissing us. this is... what, like the 6th time we've had covid and we don't even fucking go outside.

I just want a break. I just want to be able to get on with life and get my shit together without being constantly screwed over by other people's reckless decisions and a frankly ridiculous amount of bad luck

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #I'm so tired and so pissed off and I need a fucking break that I'm clearly not gonna get #and I'm using healthy coping mechanisms as much as I can #I'm journaling. I'm setting aside time to relax and do self care. I'm trying to pace myself and feel my emotions properly #I'm putting effort into noticing unhealthy behaviours and redirecting them and it is so much fucking work #but I'm doing it anyway and yeah it is helping but christ alive there's only so much it can do for you #when you do not get a fucking break from shit that's actively ruining your mental health and ability to function #and I am exhausted and recovery takes energy and learning healthy coping mechanisms takes energy and I'm doing it anyway #and I'll keep fucking doing it but I desperately need our circumstances to improve too

[corset]

Been a while since I hated being alive but here we are

#I have been in such emotional and mental turmoil and distress and pure hell lately and it has bad effects on my physical health as well so I #am just peak unwell! Just so much going on and life doesn’t stop at all to give me a break no of course all my many problems irl have to get #worse or things have to go wrong at just the absolute most terrible time possible

[kkaysea]

I got the family bible.

I didn’t ask for it

I would’ve said No

But here it is

My mom tucked it away

In the midst of my childhood memories

But all this bible is

Is a memory of a childhood spent hiding

I didn’t have to go far

Nobody really noticed I was there

All too caught up in their own selfish hedonism

Now the remnants are here

On my bed

Because nobody could throw it all away

So they gave it to me instead

The irony of it all

Is that I sit in this room

Alone

Again

Because I’m choosing to throw it all away

I’m tired of running

From the life I want to live

In my freedom I am still hiding

One foot out the door

The other still

Tethered to the needs of another

By the threads that I’ve woven

It’s all I knew to do

So someone would finally see me

Need me

It came with a price

And I’m all out of money

But I have the family bible

Worthless as it may be

I think I’ll lay it to rest now

In the trash

Where it’s always belonged

May this trash bring my treasure

A life untethered

#poetry #thoughts #healing #spilled thoughts #emotional health #feelings #spilled poetry #family bible #child of divorce #divorce #heart break #breakup #alone with my thoughts

[midcarder]

hey so, i wanna talk about something that has improved my life so much in the last three years.

if you're ever super overwhelmed by the state of everything and feel helpless -be it due to the world or your own life or whatever- i highly recommend doing some volunteer work with a trail crew or a trash cleanup or seeing what a local land trust has going on. because you will see a literal change for the better in just an hour or two, even with the smallest handful of people. you'll see an area cleaned up that other people in your community use. this will fill you with pride and belonging, which is empowering. you did that.

i went to a volunteer event yesterday, and with just 20 people and two hours, we got a trail made, a stream rerouted, and three bridges constructed. aside from the event leaders, i was the most experienced person there, it was everyone else's first time doing this. my spouse came along, and was shocked that so much got done in almost no time whatsoever.

but yeah, it's a real serotonin boost. at the bare minimum, you helped make a difference for others while getting fresh air.

#having strong feelings abt this because it's improved my mental and emotional and physical health so much #every time i do a volunteer event i'm reminded of why i love this so fucking much #i came from a bg of graphic design and customer service where i constantly felt like what i did was useless and never saw results #whole 'cog in the machine' mentality #and this breaks that entirely

[my-life-my-stories-my-love]

As someone who has been in psych ward Taylor’s new album absolutely fits that vibe. Everyone who is saying it give insane asylum and psych wards vibe is 100% correct. Not just based on the Fortnight music video but also the lyrics and the tone of the album. Going from the different beats and tempos showing the fast change of emotion and environment.

And I can do it with a broken heart is so amazing and literally describes my life and not in terms of a boy breaking my heart but from the different people in my life (family, friends) hurting me and having to move on and keep going with a broken heart. Everything about this album is for the people who have struggled (so just about everyone) and this humanizes Taylor so much because it shows that in some way she has gone through all the things and struggles we have, especially with mental health (and before people come at me I know she is on a whole different level with fame and money but fundamentally and based on how you look at it the struggles are relatable)

#taylornation #taylor swift #the tortured poets department anthology #the tortured poets department #i can do it with a broken heart #psych ward #insane #insane asylum #family #friends #broken heart #emotions #celebrity #heart break #mental health #mental illness