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safe-haven-safe-place · 1 year

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Source: @jeanpsychologist

#mental health #cptsd #cptsdhealing #living with cptsd #cptsd coping #cptsdsupport #cptsd recovery #complex post traumatic stress disorder #trauma recovery #trauma response #self compassion #overwhelmed #emotional dysregulation

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lost-in-prose · 2 years

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What is CPTSD?

This is going to be a long haul, okay? I will break this into sections so that it isn't so much to take in at once. When you see (☆☆☆☆) it means there is a break in information, and you can step away if need be, without getting lost.

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING: READ AT OWN DECRETION⚠️

!!This should in no way be used as a diagnosis!!

Where It All Begins:

People diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD or CPTSD) are often victims of prolonged childhood trauma that questions their sense of security and of self (Davis, 2019), usually spanning months if not years. This could be a result of emotional, physical, or mental abuse; sexual abuse; domestic violence; growing up in a war zone or being held captive; or human trafficking; among others. This trauma stops the part of your brain that regulates emotion, the amygdala, from growing as it should, stunting its growth at only 80% of its true size (Garrett, 2019). The growth of the children's brain is also damaged because the child's neurological and psychological development, leaving the function of their brain permanently damaged for the rest of their life. Because of this it is considered a Developmental Trauma Disorder, or DTD, because the effects aren't usually seen until later in life, after the child can escape the traumatic situation. Often, children that have experienced these traumas can be classified as ACEs, or as experiencing Adverse Childhood Experiences.

CPTSD is not acknowledged in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Five (DSM-V or DSM-5), but rather grouped together with standard Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Because of this error, Complex PTSD isn't accepted as its own stand-alone disorder and most do not get diagnosed with it unless psychologists/psychiatrists accept it as its own disorder (Davis, 2019). This, however, can be very detrimental to those who actually have the disorder, since the symptoms of CPTSD are much more severe than those of PTSD (Garret, 2019).

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Physical Symptoms of CPTSD:

Some of these are symptoms I personally have and others are ones I have read about/researched:

Shrinkage of amygdala

Risk of developing immune issues, diabetes, and heart diseases in the future

Increased heart rate

Increased levels of adrenaline which causes shaking and high blood pressure

Headaches and/or migraines

Talking way too fast

Loosing large chunks of time throughout the day for no reason

Chronic fatigue

Sleeping with hands on/around your neck or touching your neck excessively

Insomnia

Slower reaction time

Heart arrhythmias

Raise in body temperature

Worsening of PMS symptoms

No energy

Overreactive nerves

Hyper senses

Auditory processing problems

Emotional/Mental Symptoms of CPTSD:

Some of these are symptoms I personally have and others are ones I have read about/researched:

Compartmentalizing way too well

Wonder if you manipulate people to love you/feeling like you are genuinely unlovable

Feeling unreal

Too good at adjusting to new circumstances/can make a home in the worst situations and have no problem with it

The irrational side and rational side of yourself constantly fighting (knowing you are freaking out over nothing but being unable to stop it)

Hypersensitivity

Unexplainable feeling of doom/dying early

A. Lot. Of. Anger. And. Barely. Contained. Rage.

Good in a crisis, only to fall apart later and/or over little things

A delayed grief process (mostly due to being unable to regulate your emotions well)

Basic inability to control emotions (aka light switch emotions)

Extremely violent intrusive thoughts

Somatic/emotional flashbacks (unlike PTSD, there is not a visual component to these flashbacks)

Imagining yourself in horrible situations where you get all the sympathy (side effect of not being loved enough as a child)

Extreme attachment issues on both sides of the spectrum (isolation and clinging)

Feels like no one knows you truly/don't trust anyone/can't tell people how they feel

Think is only extremes

Triggers

Manic/depressive episodes

Obsessive need for revenge

Hypo/Hyper sexualizing yourself

Mistaking hypervigilance for being an empath

Associating unrelated things to trauma

Little to no memory of childhood/time before trauma

ADD/ADHD

Other mental illnesses including depression, anxiety, maladaptive daydreaming, age regression, suicidal thoughts, borderline personality disorder, dissociative disorders, somatization disorder, etc.

Loss of hope/inability to feel hope

Easily over-stimulated

Chronic nightmares/night terrors

Warped sense of self

Hyperarousal (easily startled)

Downplaying everything

Feeling like you are never enough for others/constantly trying to prove that you are (aka overcompensating)

Panic attacks/anxiety attacks

Miscellaneous:

Some of these are symptoms I personally have and others are ones I have read about/researched:

Problems with religious beliefs/faith

Feeling as if there is a gaping hole physically in the center of your chest, often agonizing

Often imagines a little child hiding within your skin/beside you watching at all times

Very good with/kind to/understanding of children and strangers

Imagining scenarios at night to calm yourself enough to fall asleep

No tight clothes

Things can't touch your neck

People can't stand behind you

Rewatching/rereading movies/TV shows/books repeatedly

Psychoanalyze everyone you meet

Extremely careless with own life but extremely protective over anyone else's, especially those you care for

Grew up way too fast

Looks for a hero/rescuerer/parental role to fulfill for friends

Likes sour or spicy food

Hating competition

Feeling intense jealousy over those who got help

Hating intimacy (emotional or physical)

Drawn towards hard sciences/mental sciences

Intense need to be loved but hating it/not looking for it

Hard time communicating

The profound sense that you are okay with being the villain and you may even strive to be one (and not in the cute 'I'd love to be Loki way',, but rather completely fine with betraying/hurting/killing others)

Sitting on the floor of your shower because you can't even imagine standing up

Having a problem with authority, either by hating it and acting out or being terrified of it

Addictive personality

Never let yourself stop moving long enough to be in your own head/too scared to allow yourself to think

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Healing from CPTSD:

You cannot escape flashbacks until you deal with your trauma head on. I will tell you right now I have been healing from mine for 3 years and I'm not even halfway done. Just be patient. You have to rewire your entire brain all over again. It's going to be hard because those with CPTSD have no 'model' for what it's like (Garrett, 2019), but you've got this. I believe it you <3

Participate in self care

Heal your inner child (I do this by doing thing I never did as a child. I jump on my bed. I have dance parties alone in my room. I sneak snacks at midnight. I run with my arms wide and wave them like airplane wings. Whatever your healing looks like, do it)

Trauma-informed therapy

Behavioral therapy

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Resources For You:

SAMHSA's National Helpline: 1-800-662-4537

NAMI Helpline: 1-800-950-6264

NIMH Helpline: 866-615-6464

Mental Health America Hotline: text MHA to 741741

Crisis Text Line: text CONNECT to 741741

National Suicide Hotline: 988

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Works Cited:

https://cptsdfoundation.org/2019/09/03/what-is-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-cptsd/

https://www.psychalive.org/injured-not-broken-why-its-so-hard-to-know-you-have-cptsd/

https://themighty.com/topic/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/habits-living-with-complex-ptsd

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Quizzes:

THESE ARE NOT DIAGNOSTIC TESTS. DO NOT TAKE THE RESULTS OF THESE QUIZZES AS A SURE-SIGN THAT YOU HAVE CPTSD

Mind Diagnosis

D'Amore Mental Health

Main post can be found here.

#complex ptsd #cptsdsupport #cptsd tag #cptsd recovery #childhood trauma #inner child #healing #trauma recovery #generational trauma #trauma #mental illness #mental support #mental disorder #ptsd #complex post traumatic stress disorder

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thewindowsystem · 5 months

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Do any other trauma survivors experience this???

TW: mentions of z0∅ph*lia, p3d0ph1ila and children being forcefully exposed to animal ab*se content

So for context as a younger kid (mostly when I was around the ages of 11-13) I was being groomed and abused by multiple p3d0file zoøs and was forced to watch videos of animals being abused in that kind of way along with other things I don't feel comfortable going into, most of them would do these disgusting things to dogs. As much as I love dogs with all my heart every time I look at one (especially a male dog) I get flashbacks to those videos that makes me want to genuinely violently throw up, I feel so disgusting and I'm terrified that because I saw those kind of things that I'm just as bad as the people who exposed me to them. My worst fear is becoming like the disgusting people who victimised me and so many poor animals that I even struggle to look at my service dog in training some days because I feel so violently disgusted I just can't handle it. I've never told anyone this ever and I just need to find someone who fucking understands or can atleast empathise with me because I'm terrified if I ever speak up about what happened to me as a child then people will see me as being just as disgusting as my abusers and I don't even have a word I can put to label or even understand my experience

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thesinsemillier · 1 year

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Somatic therapy has been teaching me how to live comfortably in my own skin. Reading Gabor Maté's The Myth of Normal helped me understand how my body reacted to the chaos I was born into, and how a dysfunctional society exacerbates trauma in so many people. Essential reading on a healing journey. He offers so much guidance and wisdom.

#cptsd healing #complex ptsd #ptsd #cptsd life #cptsd #cptsdawareness #cptsdsupport

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mrsblackruby · 11 months

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I truly have never felt any type of pain from any discourse I’ve been in online but this hurt

I know it makes no sense to anyone out there but me but

It’s because it’s not directed at me

I shared my story too about my intrusive thoughts and I was thought of as a suspected abuser because of it instead of the victim I am

Someone comes by and completely misunderstood my point and they get appreciation because they’re the good Victim the one who’s story matters and I’m the victim that can’t be saved

I think this hurt because this attitude is why I’m so hollow

It just reminds me how I get overlooked how no one really cares about if I’m doing well.

I have to be prefect. I have to fit into your confines before I can deserve respect

And the only reason it hurts so much more than the literally racial slurs I’ve been called online is because I see the value in people.

Yet thses people expect so much and refuse to see the value in me

And I just have to find away to move on

But I’m numb. I’m going numb.

Who’s gonna ask If I’m doing well after I share my thought out opinions

No one is

I’m the bogeyman but It’s because I just want to be respected So people deny me that decency.

I’m ninteen almost 20 and I really hope someone ask me if I’m doing well before I turn thirty or die

Because every time I share a piece of myself I guess it becomes a threat

I wish people would stop treating me like a threat

And it hurts so much because I know it’s out of my control

I can only speak my truth

I can only defend my peace

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sorryingly · 1 year

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My bf says everything irritates me, but I don’t know how to explain that being in my brain irritates me. I say I’m working on it, but the truth is it’s a never ending movie. I’m always moving- new space, new things to unpack. Pack it all back up- Move to another space just to unpack it all again. Find a new place for every item to go, every single experience, every shred of trauma. Hiding in a shell of my very existence. Look at how nice I decorated- my trauma on display to be judged, never admired. I got sexual abuse in this corner and domestic violence on the wall down the hall. Please applaud- as my past is never on display just to be admired. Only judged. And the biggest critic of all is the one inside my brain. Irritated by everything, and shamed of it all.

An Ode to C-PTSD by me

I wrote this after feeling a lot of shame and anxiety in my bf’s car yesterday. I had quit drinking alcohol 22 days ago. My bf struggles to understand repetitive abuse as he came from the richest neighborhood in our state. He didn’t know what it was like to be unhoused or physically beaten by your family and at times he finds it hard to understand why I put myself in so much chaos that harms me. Working on my story will never end- it will always present new challenges that I must work through and that is what I dedicate this piece to. Understanding that my inner critic has engulfed me in shame and I will always need to unpack what I’m dealing with in new situations.

#poem of the day #poemsbyme #sad poem #poem #reblog #like #life #poetry #slam poetry #living with anxiety #living with cptsd #cptsdsurvivor #just cptsd things #cptsdsupport #cptsd recovery #cptsd tw

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burgerkingussy · 1 year

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i want to heal but i’m also afraid of getting better because i have no idea who i will become

#this is a normal thing for trauma survivors because at this point i’m too afraid to ask #cptsd thoughts #cptsd recovery #cptsd problems #cptsdsupport #actually cptsd #healing #cptsd healing #traumatic childhood #yay

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dantesjourney · 1 year

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These words have seen me through a lot in the past 14 months. Today, I'm taking some time to step back and examine trauma related responses, reactions and behaviors from the past week. It is still significantly difficult to catch them in the moment, but the time between the thing happening and me thinking "huh, this is probably trauma related" is getting shorter, on average. I'm getting better at asking myself questions that dig into the why's and wherefores of these moments.

* Ok, this response/reaction/behavior is trauma related. What's triggered this?

* Why am I having this particular reaction in this particular situation?

* What trauma is this linked to?

* Do I have genuine reason to believe this situation is the same as the trauma behind my reaction to it, or is this my brain acting out of fear because of the past?

* Is this something I need to tackle and adjust purely on my side, or are there things the other person/people involved need to adjust as well?

* What can I do to calm the fear/anxiety associated with the trauma that is feeding this reaction?

* Is this being exacerbated by lack of food, lack of sleep, overstimulation, understimulation, unrelated stressors or another unmet need?

This is progress. This is significantly different from this time last year, night and day from 14+ months ago. I'm working on it. This isn't about "getting better" or curing or fixing anything. It's do better, be better and letting results speak for themselves. It's taking the time to appreciate the little wins. I deserve better than the life I've had, I deserve better than being shackled to my past for the rest of my life. It may always be with me in some capacity, but that doesn't mean I have to let it weigh me down.

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emmcduvcl · 2 years

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June is Ptsd awareness month.

There are still so many unfortunate misconceptions surrounding the disorder.

Let's try and bust some of them.

#ptsd #ptsd awareness #cptsd #mental health #mental heath awareness #ptsd recovery #actually ptsd #ptsd problems #actually cptsd #cptsdsupport

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2outta3aintbad · 11 months

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Accepting that you need help in life is an achievement on its own, especially if you faced consequences and repercussions every time you took up space as a kid. jsyk

#whoever needs to hear this #me @ myself #audhd problems #adhd autistic #bpd thoughts #borderline life #mental health support #cptsdhealing #cptsd recovery #cptsdsupport #did osdd #late diagnosed autistic #traumagenic #complex dissociative disorder #untreated mental illness

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miss-ddarling · 1 year

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05/14/2023 4:47AM

Vulnerability after Grief

I’m typing on my laptop, writing notes about different things relating to Spirituality. A topic and feeling I’ve been growing toward. I’m specifically learning more about the third eye and I had a weird thought while smoking my blunt. I always thought that the third eye opening was a specific weird experience. I felt like it would be a That's so Raven moment that would be startling. I also pictured it to be like a Ghost Whisper moment, where I suddenly can see spirits!

However, now that I'm older…

I feel like it’s more of an endless later where you learn more and more and unlearn things as well. Through education (learning) , mindfulness,meditation and opening your awareness. It sounds like a bunch of hippie babble yeah? Well, what I’m trying to say is I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I do feel closer to “peace.”

I am far away from peace when it comes to finances and struggling to have enough food or pay every bill and work just enough. However, mentally…I feel like I've been kicked down so much that there isn’t anything I couldn’t handle.

My dad suddenly passed away the day after I moved to another state to go to college, not be a burden to him anymore financially and so that I could find myself. Instead, I ended up in a relationship with someone who didn’t want a relationship and them living with me. Fights and fights because of misunderstandings, different mental awareness and age gap. I was a girl learning to become a woman in a world that already sees me as such.

I went from being a recently graduated college student moving out to go to another college to further education.. Daddy paying my phone bill and everything..To having life insurance and bills and debt I never knew existed.

You could say I was spoiled. Because I was. He even cleaned for me.

I spoke to my Dad every single day multiple times and the only other person I spoke to weekly was my boyfriend.

So, you can think of how the pressure of all this affected that boyfriend. In my opinion, he felt like he had to take care of me so he put up a front until he couldn’t anymore. Then, would occasionally find himself flirting with another woman online. A lot of men see that i’m mature but they can’t accept and love the flaws that come with me actually being young and neurodivergent.

I’ve survived multiple Suicide attempts, rapes, and child sex trafficking. When I thought it couldn’t get worse, it did.

Where I currently am, is a little over 2 years after my dads death, in my apt with my ex. I’m smoking and doing research about things i’m interested in again. I had to drop out of college the first semester because it was a few months after my dads death and I couldn’t even read a paragraph or type one.

It feels… amazing to be able to write again.

I want to share my life experiences with the world so that someone out there who went through something similar can see that, even if it does get worse…there’s still a way to find peace until it’s consistently great.

I’ll be 23 in a few weeks. I never thought I’d reach 18.

I don’t believe in a god anymore but I do believe that I can use this time on earth to heal other people through being vulnerable and sharing my experiences.

Tomorrow, I could become homeless. I would shrug because even if I was now facing starvation, and other issues relating to it, I would know that I’ve made it so far. I’ve been through so many things where I wanted to die and had to hurt myself to feel anything. I’m raising myself, have no parents and I’m broke in another state with family who’s hurt me more than helped. However, I am not what has happened to me or who has hurt me. I am always shedding the day prior and creating a new skin for what is to come.

I have came too far to back down from anything that wants to bring me down. Even if physically I am not well, mentally and spiritually I will be. I will still be kind. I will still fight my way until I die.

I will not let the dark take the most important thing from me, my mind.

This song is how I’ve started feeling since disconnecting from everything I believed I needed to be happy. To find self love, acceptance and happiness within myself. It’s a bumpy add ride with plenty flashbacks, but it’s still a way up.

If you want to hear part 2 on audio or read it, comment or like❤️

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lost-in-prose · 2 years

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'Here's to the people whose trauma did not give them thick skin.

The ones who became more sensitive and insecure,

Who cry more easily,

Who get overwhelmed at the little things.

I'm so tired of the narrative that trauma makes you tough and untouchable.

We're survivors-

Not superheroes.'

-Anonymous

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thewindowsystem · 7 months

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is it just me orrrr...??

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does anyone else ever get the urge to go screaming and crying back to their abuser telling them how sorry you are for leaving them and beg for their forgiveness??

~ TW: p3d0ph1ila, CSEM, CSA, grooming, rape, threats

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Cuz like this fucking 40+ year old man literally owns CSEM of me from when he groomed me and tried to find where I lived so he could rape me but I still miss the praise and attention he gave me sometimes- like what?? I feel so dirty but it sometimes it feels like the only thing I am made to do is to be sexually exploited and that I don't deserve anything more than that.

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Like I feel like an abuser for leaving him

#trauma #trauma dump #actually traumatized #complex post traumatic stress disorder #just cptsd things #cptsdsupport #ptsd vent #childhood ptsd #ptsdlife #Complex ptsd #childhood trauma #child abuse #tw csem #csem survivor

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morguegirlxxx · 1 year

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I feel like I’m getting worse, I feel like more things are coming to the surface and I’m getting overwhelmed by more shit more easily, I don’t know if it’s cuz my period is coming soon or whatever but I feel like my energy is getting sucked out of me from a black hole. You understand? I feel trapped inside of my own existence, I feel trapped in this universe, I feel trapped inside of my own mental illness. I want to be a good friend, good daughter, good everything to everyone but I feel like I’m so bad at it.

#im so tired #mental heath support #mental illness #depression #anxiety #trauma #anxiety sucks #trauma sucks #cptsdsupport #cptsd vent

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stumbling-after-happiness · 1 year

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It was a Wednesday

When I’d had enough.

I wanted out, to run from the everlasting maze,

Messenger groups,

Manipulative messages sent by a friend,

Guilt tripping me up.

I crafted an escape tunnel with words from my therapist.

They let in the light whilst building up walls.

I edited it like a legal document. I rewrote, I tweaked. I even put it through Grammarly.

Clicked send. Then block.

Then blocked the fiancé, unfriended.

Years of hope laid to rest.

Years of trying and not being met in the middle of the darkness.

Waiting to be guided out by a friendly face, a light.

How can someone we knew at 3 develop such bad behaviour? When you’ve seen someone with ribbons in their hair and innocence in their eyes, where does that goodness go?

I finally let the memories lie, not filtering the present with their positivity. Letting the facts brick themselves up.

The grief hit me, rumbling louder and louder until surrounding me with rushing thoughts.

Thankfully, I was prepared. Although I know nothing can fully prepare me for grief.

I realised her actions were causing the very darkness I was asking her to save me from.

It was all a terrible secret.

A cruel laugh in the cold.

So I stood up.

I felt the wall and let it guide me out

Into the open,

The fresh sunlight,

The peaceful air.

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akidwhocriedwolf · 10 months

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When Words Won't Suffice

I was 25 when I began to believe that my life is worth protecting.

That was thanks to a Master in martial arts showing me, week after week after month after year, that I was worth all the thought, time and energy he put into training me (pro-bono), to defend myself.

So long as our justice systems fail to hold perpetrators accountable, and our communities refuse to hear these 'unspeakable' crimes;

Where else are we to find safety beyond our own bodies?

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