#a fic inspired by beautiful art you should absolutely check out!

[violetsiren90]

All I Haven't Said | Namjoon/Reader

Table of Contents: Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3 (part 1), Chapter 3 (part 2)

Pairing: idol!Namjoon/f!Reader

Genre: Soulmate AU; idol AU; chapter fic; strangers to lovers; a bit of idiots to lovers, tbh; slow burn; eventual romance; eventual smut; angst (life is messy & hearts are complex); OT7 featured

Summary: You found your soulmate - or rather, he found you. Turns out he's an idol of much acclaim who needs you for very real and unglamorous reasons. What could become of two hearts so used to giving of themselves when they are confronted with needing each other?

Warnings: 18+ (minors, dni), realistic depictions of cancer and cancer treatment; mention of unfeatured character death (previous to plot); emotional health growth and development; eventual smut; feelings and dealing with feelings (no, but seriously, so many feelings)

Author's Note: First and foremost - Blame Me chapter 1 will still be tentatively dropping by the end of the week. However, this just literally wrote itself last night after a couple of drinks and several streams of Lonely 💔. It was the thing that just poured out of me and could not be stopped. It's been simmering in the back of my brain for a while, and so, now that it's out here, I'm going to be posting it in tandem with Blame Me, probably on alternate weeks (if I can manage it, 😅). I want to give credit to those whose works I have read which have come to set the stage for my concept of the soulmate au, and who are far my betters in creative artistry: Matchy, author of balls-to-the-walls masterpiece Trip No Further, Fallencairns, author of lovely work of art Turbulence, and @teenagebountyhunter , to whom I dedicate this work 💜 the author of the ineffably beautiful Namjoon soulmate fic Bloom (RUN to read this immediately) - the inspiration for what is to humbly follow below. If you're checking this out, thanks a million for reading, and please don't be shy in offering feedback should you be so inclined! (Baby fic writer here, constructive criticism always welcome!)

Without further ado, chapter one is under the cut.

P.S. Tag list is open. If you want in, let me know. 😊

P.P.S. In case no one has told you today, you're loved and worthy of love. 🧜💜

“When your hands leap towards mine, love, what do they bring me in flight? Why did they stop at my lips, so suddenly, why do I know them, as if once before, I have touched them, as if, before being, they traveled my forehead, my waist?”

~ Pablo Neruda

Chapter 1: The Cure

Diana dipped another three fries in ketchup and popped them into her mouth.

"So, what do you need to talk about that has you desperate enough to buy me lunch?" She smiled smugly and sipped and her milkshake.

You hadn't touched the burger in front of you, even if you probably should be absolutely relishing in it, considering your future prospects. You picked up a sweet potato fry and stared at it absently.

"I found my soulmate," you stated flatly.

Diana's jaw dropped mid-chew, unpleasantly framing the masticated remains of a mouthful of turkey club.

"Wait, are you serious?" she pressed, round hazel eyes wide and unblinking.

You dipped the fry down into the little cup of ranch and swirled it around slowly.

"Actually, he found me. Well, his people found me," you continued. 

"Huh? So is he some kind of a big deal - wait...they found you? What does that even mean? Wait, no - you have a soulmate?!"

You smiled ruefully. It was kind of nice to see someone else freaking out about it for a change. You had known your little sister would react strongly, which is why you had waited until now give her the news.

"Y/n, ANSWERS," Diana demanded leaning forward to flick your forehead. 

"Ow!" you protested, rubbing the throbbing spot on your brow. "Keep your pants on, geez!"

You sighed. After having relayed this story to your mom, your doctor, a specialist, legal advisory, your best friend, your brother and his wife, and your very disappointed boss, you had gotten pretty good telling it. Yet, somehow, each time the burden of it's truth felt a little heavier. You ate the fry. It was pretty good. You wished it had sucked so it wouldn't be one more edible thing you missed the prospect of.

"So apparently, a couple of years ago a university in Switzerland found a way to match soulmates using DNA testing. Don't ask me about the exact science of it - I do not understand it. What I do know is that it's illegal to use this technology to locate your soulmate in the US."

"Why?" Diana had abandoned her food and was listening with rapt attention.

"Something about privacy rights. Though they've dealt with that issue in Switzerland - people interested in finding their soulmates join a biological registry. I'm sure our government is just waiting to find a way that big pharma can exploit it before they facilitate the process. Anyway, somehow, I ended up in a foreign registry. I guess there is a black market for soulmate data..."

"Oh my god, could I be on the black market?" Diana gasped, slapping her hands over her mouth.

"I guess anyone could, provided they've ever been treated at a hospital, or given blood, or anything of the sort...but calm down! It doesn't even matter unless you have a match, which is rare."

"So he found you on the black market?! That's so fucking sketchy, Y/n."

"It was his company, actually. I got a visit from representatives of an organization called Hybe. They are some kind of South Korean entertainment conglomerate. One of their employees, a musician, is dying of cancer. Seeing if he had a soulmate was a last-ditch effort to save his life. Now everything is banking on me and my cooperation."

You flicked your eyes up to your sister. Her expression had morphed into something far more somber.

"Heavy..." she whispered.

You nodded.

"What are you gonna do?"

You took a bite of your burger. She wasn't going to like your answer. Diana's face changed again, this time registering alarm and indignation.

"No," she murmured, "No, Y/n. You're just gonna do it, aren't you? You're gonna go be the fucking hero! You're going to traipse off to Korea and save his sketchy, ungrateful ass!"

She stood up, her chair screeching back over the concrete and drawing the attention of other diners on the patio. You glanced around apologetically.

"Diana, sit down! And how do you know if he's grateful or not?!" you hissed.

"No!" she countered defiantly, yanking her hand away from where you had reached for it. "You always do this! You never, ever think of yourself. And now you'll be gone forever...is this even safe?"

Tears had started to well up in her eyes, and the glances around you had turned into stares and whispers. You stood up and pulled her into a hug.

"Hey, hey, it's okay! Lets get out of here and I can answer all of your questions, alright?" She sniffled.

"Okay. But you're not leaving me." You smiled and huffed out a laugh pulling her toward the parking lot.

You had anticipated that Diana would disapprove of your decision, and it being as difficult a situation as it was, you had decided to make all the arrangements and choices necessary before telling her. She loved you so fiercely, she would have watched the world burn before letting you break a nail, if she could help it.

After your father's death nearly twenty years ago, you had become protector and provider to Diana and your younger brother Henry, three years her senior, in ways your sensitive and unworldly mother seemed unequipped to shoulder. If they had both not been so established and secure in the trajectory of their adult lives, you would have made it clear to Hybe that you regrettably had nonnegotiable responsibilities right where you were. But Henry was settled into a suburb with a lovely wife and year-old daughter, Diana was set to finish undergrad and head off to nursing school, and the deal with Hybe had actually allowed you to leverage for your Mom's retirement, so you were boarding a flight to Korea next week to take on a new set of cares and concerns.

You tossed your keys on the table on your way into your apartment and collapsed onto your comfy red couch. While Diana rooted around your fridge and loudly complained about the lack of hard seltzer, you sorted through the mail and made a mental note to add a forwarding address on a few of your accounts and subscriptions, including the one supplying you with Nightwing comics. You set the mail aside and took a moment to look around you.

You loved your little apartment. The kitchen was small, but the big window with the spider plant hanging in it made it one of your favorite rooms - the herb garden on the counter and the fully stocked bar above the fridge did nothing to make you like it any less. The earthy brown walls of the living space were littered with shelves full of candles and living plants and quirky curios, and in and amongst them hung framed watercolors of flowers and herbs that you had painted yourself. The record player sat at the ready in the corner by the wall dedicated almost exclusively to books and vinyl. There was a small tv over the stone-lined fireplace. Over your shoulder your soft, queen sized bed with sheer canopy cozily called your named from the single bedroom. 

The whole place smelled like citrus and cinnamon. In every corner, there was you. It was going to be hard to leave the hobbit hole you had so lovingly curated for yourself over the last half-a-decade...especially since you wouldn't be going "there and back again", but just...there.

Diana plopped down next to you,  breaking your reverie.

"So, you're NOT going, but tell me about the huge mistake you ALMOST made," Diana prompted as she side-eyed you, taking a sip of the wine she had poured herself.

You set the comic book you had been thumbing through aside and drew your knees up to your chest as you swiveled to face her impatient stare.

"Last week, a these three people showed up at my door, two men and a woman, and they said they were from a company called Hybe based in South Korea. One of their employees, a singer named Kim Namjoon, has stage 4 liver cancer. I guess they caught it pretty late in the game, so even the most aggressive treatments aren't doing much good. Back in April the doctor gave him two months to live."

"Damn," Diana interjected softly.

"Yeah, that's why all of this is happening so fast. He needs me as soon as I can get there."

"We need you, too," she whispered, reaching out to loop her finger into the top of your sock. You smiled affectionately.

"I know, Di, but you're a grown woman now and you can take care of yourself. You're going to have to and I know you can. Life really won't be that different - you'll be off to school in San Diego anyway! Most of our hangouts were going to be over Facetime...now you'll just have an excuse for a little international travel."

She heaved a stuttering sigh.

"Speaking of travel...Johnny broke up with me," she mumbled.

Your mouth hung open in shock.

"Oh my god, Di, I'm so sorry! Why didn't you tell me?"

She downed her remaining wine and stared into the empty glass, twirling it between her fingers.

"I was gonna, but when I told mom last week she said to wait to talk to you about it because you were dealing with something stressful. Now I know what she meant."

You shook your head.

"Ugh, Mom..."

Your sweet, nonconfrontational mother, while you loved her deeply, was a horrible communicator. Whenever she got involved things like this always ended up worse. You looked at your sister twiddling with her wine glass. She looked so small. And Diana, while she exuded many things, very rarely seemed diminutive. You grabbed her and pulled her to you, and she instantly snuggled into your chest.

"I'm sorry you've had to hold that in all this time," You said softly, stroking her hair, "You really could have told me. How are you doing? Was it bad?"

She shook her head against you.

"Nah, it wasn't so bad. He's going to travel before starting grad school and wants to 'sow some wild oats'," she answered, flashing air quotes.

You couldn't see her face, but the acerbic nature of her tone told you just exactly what she thought of that concept. You snickered. Atta' girl. You'd never liked that guy much, anyway.

"What an asshole," you remarked.

"Yeah, he better not hit me up in a couple of months when he's done fucking his way through Europe."

"Fuuuuuck that," you commiserated. 

"Yeah, so I thought this summer would be our last hurrah. You know, no guys, just you and me...like old times" Diana mumbled in a voice that was all sulking and bottom lip. 

"Ahhh," you said with a smile, "So that's why you are so disappointed. Well, we still have a few days - we can make the most of them!"

Diana lifted her head from your chest and glared up at you.

"Boys ruin everything!" She whined.

You smirked softly.

"Usually I would agree with you, but the one I'm leaving for seems kind of decent, actually."

Diana frowned.

"How do you know? Did he call you or something? Wait, you never finished telling me your story!"

You hummed in assent.

"I mean, there's not much more to tell. I agreed to move out there to bond with him and begin treatment. I signed a really basic contract that will be revised when he is well enough to think about the future - or in a year, whichever comes first. They were pretty quick to meet my terms, I guess they didn't really have much choice since I was the one holding the all the cards."

"What does any of that have to do with him being a good guy?"

"Oh," you blinked, "It doesn't. You see, when they met with me they talked a lot about him. It was almost like a job interview or something. They talked about his accomplishments, his net worth, the importance of his work, and his worthiness as a person. One of the guys was actually one of his bandmates, and he had come specifically as a character reference. They had initially wanted me to sign the contract right there and then - and let me tell you, that kid they brought with them almost convinced me with his giant puppy eyes alone - but in the end I had asked for forty-eight hours to consult legal advisory and think it over. The first thing I did when they left was look him up. You actually probably already know who he is - I think I might have been the only person in the world who didn't. Have you ever heard of BTS?"

Diana jumped back like she'd been stung, clutching her chest.

"Are you about to tell me that your soulmate is a member of the biggest band in the world?" she whispered, her eyes impossibly wide.

You smirked. 

"Not just a member, Di...their leader." Diana shrieked, leaping up off the couch.

"RM??? Your soulmate is RM???" 

Your sister stared at you, agape, while you threw your hands up in indignation.

"I was the only person!"

"Oh my god..." Diana staggered back, demeanor having deviated sharply from disapproval to elation, "My roommate is obsessed with them! She has all these posters - but her favorite, I'm sorry, her bias, is Suga...holy shit, I can't WAIT to tell her she's gonna-"

"Diana," you interrupted her firmly, and her eyes shot up to you.

"Yeah?"

"You can't tell anyone."

Her face fell as she leaned back against the wall beside the fireplace. Clearly this was going to be even more of an emotional roller-coaster for her than it was for you, you thought in amusement. Typical.

"Everyone who I tell has to sign a gag order. You included."

Diana slid down the wall into a slump and knocked her head back.

"This situation keeps harshing my vibes, dude," she whined.

"Well, I'm exceedingly sorry about your vibes, but I'm sure they'll recover," you rejoined sardonically.

"But woah, Y/n, your boyfriend is hot. And rich. And super famous. Your wedding is going to be fucking LIT..." 

"Woah, Nellie!" You cut her off, waving your hands as if you usher her train of thought into the landing strip of sanity.  "Slow. Down. Wedding?? What happened to 'sketchy, ungrateful ass'?! He is NOT my boyfriend. He's supposedly my soulmate. According to some Swiss pseudoscience. We haven't even bonded yet. And if we do in fact bond, that doesn't mean we're a couple."

Diana popped her head up and fixed you with the most incredulous of stares.

"Um, excuse me...soulmates have to touch each other to survive. And I heard that the soulmate connection is better than sex. You're telling me you have the opportunity, nay, the duty, to be up in the business of one of the sexiest men alive, and you're just gonna platonically kick it for the next seventy years?"

You rolled your eyes.

"I mean, if that's what he wants - if that's what I want. Soulmates doesn't automatically equate lovers. I've been reading about people's experiences and there are some soulmates who bond platonically. Some people are already with romantic partners when they meet. Some don't share a sexual orientation that makes them compatible as lovers..."

"Oh my god, Y/n, could you please not kill the sexy by going all nerd on this?" She asked you in exasperation as her finger swiped at her phone screen.

Suddenly she shoved the phone out toward you, while tapping frantically with a neon yellow acrylic nail on the image she had summoned. She was saying something humorous and complaintive but you weren't listening. You were looking at the man in the photo.

You hadn't seen this one in your superficial search-engine dives. It was a headshot. His hair was a light brown, full at the top and styled away from his face. His skin was darker than in many of the other images you had seen, emanating a beautiful golden glow. He was smiling just enough for his right dimple to softly grace his cheek. His features were strong, masculine, and incredibly handsome. All of that was already striking, but his eyes, oh, his eyes - they were staring directly at the camera, irises only half visible under his lidded gaze, warm and sincere, so incredibly intense.

The hair stood up on the back of your neck and your breath caught in your chest in spite of you. You closed your eyes and sucked in a breath. You needed to calm down. He was just a person. Good looking? Yes. Charismatic? Obviously. But you had a job to do, and no time to screw around with schoolgirl daydreams. He probably had a girlfriend. No, definitely, he definitely had one. And hey, he was just a person, like you. No need to be star struck.

Diana had been continuing her rant, completely unaware of being ignored, when she had let out a high pitched squeal of laughter.

"Oh my god...oh my god!" She shrieked.

"What?" You snapped, your hormone-wrestling train of thought cut off abruptly.

She stared at you, lips pressed together as if she was trying to contain more loud giggles.

"What??" You demanded impatiently, your limit for her antics very swiftly approaching.

"RM. K-pop superstar, probably one of the coolest people ever born, gets YOUR dorky ass as a soulmate, HAH!"

"Hey!" you deflated, unimpressed with what she considered to be so vastly comical.

"Oh that poor man!" she pushed dramatically, "That poor, poor man. You're the least graceful, geekiest person in the western hemisphere. What will you even talk about? Good thing you don't speak Korean, you'd probably bore him to death! Shit, at least you're pretty..."

You folded your arms over your chest defensively.

"Hilarious. But actually, he's fluent in English. And I read somewhere that he likes art..."

"Y/n, he's rich," she interrupted condescendingly, "All rich people like art. It's a huge flex to own an original. If I was a billionaire I'd 'like art' too. Oh my god, I just can't believe this is happening. Like he's crazy famous..."

"And very, very sick," you reminded her softly.

Her expression fell into something contrite.

"Oh, shit, I forgot," she murmured.

"I'm glad you're excited for me, Di. It really made me feel a lot better about the whole situation seeing you get some kind of joy out of it. But I can't stress enough that this isn't a fairytale. Who knows how he feels about resorting to this. I guarantee you this is as hard for him as it is for me."

Diana crossed over to the couch and skooched in next to you.

"All jokes aside, he's lucky to have you, Y/n. You love at a thousand percent. Even if you guys just end up being soul-buddies, or whatever, he hit the jackpot," she smiled at you, that sweet smile that made you rethink everything for one split second.

Now it was your turn to try to hold back tears.

"I'm gonna miss you," she murmured, "But I respect what you're doing."

"Now that he's famous?" You prodded with a teasing smile.

"Yeah, now that he's famous," she conceded. 

You pulled her into a hug. The silence that hung around you was pregnant but comfortable. Diana finally broke it with a soft question.

"So you're really going to give your whole life away for a total stranger next week?" she whispered.

"Mmhm," you hummed somberly into her hair.

"Why you always gotta be like Dad?"

A familiar lump began to form in your throat, but you swallowed it back. You always did. And Diana fell asleep in your lap one last time. You stroked her hair as you thought back, rather emotionally exhausted, over your conversation. It seemed like people thought of the soulmate connection as some kind of miracle. You didn't believe in those. People made choices, and those choices governed reality. You had just made the biggest choice of your life, and if it was like any of the other roads you had taken, it would require much of you. 

The following day was your last at work. Your coworkers had greeted you with pizza, cake, flowers, and hugs. It was touching to realize how much you would be missed. Your boss, Shauna, hovered as you gathered you belongings from your desk. 

"Damn it to hell, I'm gonna miss you!" She mourned for the umpteenth time.

You smiled as you tucked your little philodendron into the box, placing it next to the canvas speckled with daisies that read "You Matter" in curly green letters. 

"You have an amazing team here, you guys will do great," you insisted, patting her hand where she leaned on your desk.

"Um, a great team of people you trained!" she said, consoling herself with a swipe of frosting from what had once been a beautiful red velvet cake with white buttercream.

You leaned beside her on the desk, joining her in sadly picking at the dessert remains.

After you had graduated with your degree in social work, you had landed an internship in a program which Shauna was running. The two of you quickly discovered you had similar passions and community goals, and the following year had left the program to start Magnolia Village, a one-stop shop for women's services sadly unprecedented in your area. While the startup had been rough, your passionate duo had believed in the need and refused to say die, and from your mutual blood, sweat, and tears had blossomed a cornerstone of the local community. Over the years it had grown and extended its reach to thousands in need of support. Many of the staff were women who had first come through the door seeking services, and were now your partners in providing the aid they had found empowering in their hour of need.

You were immensely proud of what the two of you had built, but leaving the Village was bittersweet, as you were more confident than ever that it had grown into a well-oiled machine powered by lovely, capable people who could keep it going at full tilt without you.

"This place basically built itself, we just propped up the scaffolding," you remarked, glancing around the building fondly - what had once been a residential fixer-upper was now a cozy space of offices, a nurse's station, six emergency beds, sanitation services, and a food pantry

"Bitch, you know very well that I am the bulldozer and you are the heart and soul of this place. We are going to feel it when you leave. You better come back and visit us. Mirabell is going to do a good job filling your shoes, though. Watching her step up to the plate has been something else." 

"It has," you nodded, "She's going to kick ass. You might just forget I was ever here by the end of next week."

Shauna turned uncharacteristically tearful eyes toward you.

"I will never forget you," she choked.

Then suddenly you were being crushed in a bear hug. You returned her embrace until you thought you might actually pass out from lack of oxygen.

"Okay, I love you, but I'm about to asphyxiate!" you wheezed, slapping her on the shoulder.

She let you go, but grabbed your arm and looked at you seriously.

"I want you to promise me one thing," she said, holding your gaze.

You cocked your head to the side. Shauna released your arm to clasp both your hands in hers.

"I want you to promise me that when you get to Korea, you find something that you're gonna do for yourself."

You started to respond but she stopped you.

"Something for yourself. It doesn't matter what it is, but it can't be for your soulmate, or your family, or anyone else however deserving...just you, okay?"

You looked at her quizzically.

"I do stuff for me..." 

"Don't get swallowed up, baby girl. Find someone to ground you, to remind you that you're worth more than what you have to offer."

You scoffed.

"I'd like to see someone try and swallow me..."

"Y/n,"

"What?"

"Promise me."

"Okay," you nodded, "I promise."

Shauna squeezed your hands, then went back to chipping away at the mass of red crumbs and buttercream.

A little twinge of worry twisted in the pit of your stomach. You were strong. Resilient. No one could bounce back like you, could survive like you. People knew this - they had been telling you so since you were ten years old. So why was everyone acting like you were being cast out to sea without a life preserver? 

You had spent the weekend with your family. Henry and Mercedes had even driven down, Elena in tow, to have one last Sunday dinner and see you off to the airport. Hugs and tears and small parting gifts had made leaving even harder than you had imagined.

When you finally boarded the plane your eyes were red and your head was throbbing. After the plane had gained enough altitude to allow you to unfasten your seat-belt, you had slipped into the restroom to rinse your face. You returned, plopping down next to the man who would accompany you during your first few days of transition.

"I'm getting booze when they wheel it by, Matt, so don't try to stop me," you huffed, gesticulating in mild threat with the book you had extracted from your carry-on at the suited figure sitting in the window seat.

The handsome older gentleman smiled, not lifting his eyes from the copy of the Korean Herald in his hands.

"Wouldn't dream of it," he responded, flipping a large, thin page.

Matt Anders had been many things to you in life. Before you were born, he had been your father's best friend. He had been the best man at your parent's wedding. He and his wife, Rebecca, had cared for you and your siblings during your mother's sanitarium stay. He had tutored you for the SAT score that had earned you a full ride to the university that had saddled you with a BS in social work and minor in English literature. Today, he was your attorney. Matt, who had an IQ of 146, had learned basic Korean so that he could translate for you and make sure that your interests were looked after as you settled in. Having him there made you feel one hundred percent more secure about the process. He, for instance, had been the one in negotiations to ask for the very cush business-class fight accommodations you were new settling into.

"Whatever you would do for him, you'll do for her. I want an equality of treatment clause added with no addendums."

You smiled to yourself as you remembered his exchange with the Hybe's representation. He had asked for things you would have never asked for yourself, and you felt better having access to them knowing that he felt you were deserving.

The flight attendant sweetly asked if you would require any refreshments. You asked for two whiskey and cokes, and handed one over to the man beside you. You took a long, refreshing sip.

"Damn it, I wish I had appreciated food more," you sighed, looking ruefully at your glass.

"What are you going to miss the most?" Matt asked before sampling his own beverage.

"Cheese. I can't believe I'm saying that, but in the end I just love cheese. And there are so many kinds I haven't tried. Do you know there's this Italian cheese that comes in the shape of a pear? It's super expensive because of the breed of cow the milk is sourced from. It's supposedly suuuuper creamy. But, hey, now I'll never know if it's as rich and complex as they say..."

You took another sip of your drink.

"Caciocavallo Podolico," Matt remarked casually, returning to his newspaper.

"Excuse me?"

"The cheese you described, it's called Caciocavallo Podolico," he reiterated.

"You know, I should be used to it now, but I'm not. Don't think I'll ever be. How on earth do you know this stuff?" you insisted incredulously.

"Read it once," he shrugged, "And it's actually pretty famous as far as cheeses go."

"Catch-a-vayo Picadillo..." you murmured.

"No," Matt interjected succinctly. "Anything you want to go over again? We have the time, Lord knows."

You sighed.

"Can't think of anything right now. What did you think of the list of questions I sent you?" 

"Very good," he nodded, "I'll be adding a few of my own, that I think should come from me, if you don't mind."

You swirled the ice in your plastic cup.

"Of course not. Thanks again for coming with me, I'd be pretty lost without you."

Matt smiled at you again, reaching over to squeeze your arm.

"You'd do just fine. But you would be flying coach."

You smirked and cracked open your book. As you flipped to your marked page, a colorful, sturdy rectangle of paper fluttered to the ground at Matt's feet. He reached down and picked it up, regarding it with a curious eye before you could snatch it quickly away and tuck it back between the pages of My Antonia.

"New bookmark?" he queried.

"Something like that," you murmured.

You thought he might press you further about the Hangul characters he had surely noted on the back, but just then the captain's voice crackled over the intercom reiterating the weather conditions in Seoul and you took the opportunity to bury your nose back between the pages. You glanced clandestinely over at Matt, who had settled back into the Korean Herald, before pulling the little watercolor card from between the pages where it had been hurriedly concealed. Your eyes traced over the purple clematis trailing elegantly across the illustration as you wondered if 12 hours was, in fact, a millisecond or an eternity.

-End Ch. 1-

#kim namjoon #rm #bts #kim namjoon fanfic #bts fanfction #rm fanfic #namjoon fanfic #namjoon fic #soulmate au #strangers to lovers #namjoon x y/n #namjoon x reader #namjoon x you #bts reader insert #reader insert #reader insert fanfiction #eventual smut #namjoon smut #chapter fic #eventual romance #slow burn

[sunnylands-world]

Breakfast

Board inspired by the one I saw @fvckinghenrycavill do

Pairing: husband Chris Evans x fem reader

Summary: just fluff you making Chris breakfast Bring it to him after he's been working all morning

Word count: 701

Warnings: none!

A/n: I had to write the sexist man alive a fic because I absolutely adore him

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|fluffy content ahead|~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had been sitting on the sofa in you and Chris's shared house looking out the open doors letting in the sunlight. Your place was mostly made of wood. You found it comforting to look out and see the tall green trees, your Christmas tree was one of them. It stood tall decorated with the ornaments you had hung up with Chris's help of course. You were so excited when he had brought it home. You had grown quite bored after a few hours since Chris was working on a project and the dogs were resting in there beds near the door. It wasn't that you were neglected by Chris, you just missed his attention.

You couldn't for the life of you understand why they'd given your husband a job around Christmas anyway. You had just been in his office checking in on him from time to time. He was deeply concentrated on what he was doing, so much so that he didn't move his eyes to look your way when you entered. You understood he was busy so left to give him space; that was over an hour ago and you couldn't help but worry a bit since he hadn't come down to eat but you really didn't want to disturb him while he was working. It made you a bit anxious, though Chris wasn't the type to blow a fuse if you did go talk to him, that was just how you were. You sat for a moment debating on whether or not you should go ask him to come eat but you quickly shut the questions out; you are his wife! you could make him food.

You nodded as If confirming it as you made your way to the kitchen. "Eggs and bacon are fine" you mumbled, pulling the carton and pack from the fridge, reaching for a pan and throwing the items on the stove. Chris was typing away on his computer when the smell filled the space. He looked up for a second, had you been cooking yourself something he thought while looking over his laptop. "Good she remembered to eat" he said to himself and went back to work content with the fact that you were taking care of yourself. A few hours passed while you cooked everything before plating it. You decided half way through to make hot chocolate with a candy cane resting in the mug, a few marshmallows floating on the steaming liquid as you carried the plate up the steps to him.

You pushed the door all the way open admiring your husband and how attractive he looked, focused on his task before knocking as lightly as you could with the food in your hand."Chris" you called softly and he looked up at the sound of your voice, a warm smile on his face at the sight of you. "Oh honey, you made me breakfast," he said, reaching for you as you walked to him, you nodded. "I wasn't sure if you'd want to come down so I made it and brought it to you" you say as you sit it down. "and you made hot chocolate!" He beamed, causing you to giggle while nodding. Chris had always been so adorable to you, he had a child like nature to him at times that never failed to melt your heart.

"You're the best. I wouldn't know what to do without you angel" he said, pulling you in his lap as he pressed kisses to your entire face, his beard tickling your skin making your nose scrunch up. He pulled back, blue ocean eyes looking at you with adoration and love. You smile at him, the look reminding you of the first time you saw him. He looked at you like you held the stars and the moon in your grasp. "I love you" he said in a haze, taking in your beauty like a fine art piece as his eyes searched your face. Your eyelashes flutter as the familiar butterflies and heart ache feeling fills you. You kiss him gently as you cup his face letting your eyes shut, his lips move with yours passionately. "I love you more" you say, pulling back.

#chris evans #chris x reader #chris evans story #chris evans sexy #chris evans smile #chris evans x daughter!reader #chris evans x plus size reader #chris evans x fluff #chris evans x pregnant!reader #chris evans x original female character #chris evans sexiest man alive #captain america #steve rogers #steve x you #steve x reader #steve rodgers x reader #steve rodgers imagine #steve rodgers x you #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x reader #captain america x you #captain america x reader #captain america x black reader #captain america x pregnant!reader

[booksteaandtoomuchtv]

Burn The Ships (1/5)

THIS IS/WILL BE MATURE.

NOW WITH BEAUTIFUL COVER ART BY @snowbellewells

AO3 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |

Summary: Pan and his pack of gruesome werewolves torment and put an end to individuals who find themselves unlucky enough to be a guest of Neverland. After being betrayed by her ex, Emma finds herself the game in this month’s hunt.

Captain Hook has never found the sport particularly alluring, preferring to spend his change far from Pan’s cruel crew. When he catches the scent of his mate, he is forced to join in the hunt to find her before the others can.

Saving her will mean betraying Pan and no one betrays Peter Pan and lives to tell about it.

@anmylica, @deckerstarblanche, @elfiola, @goforlaunchcee, @jrob64, @kmomof4 , @pirateswhore, @stahlopp, @teamhook, @tiganasummertreee, @undercaffinatednightmare, @xarandomdreamx, @zaharadessert

Author Note: This little fic is a birthday gift for the always encouraging and absolutely wonderful @kmomof4. I was initially drawn to Moonlight Sonata because it is also one of my favourites and the story behind the song felt like Killian meeting Emma for the first time. (I also love Für Elise but it doesn’t make me think of CS as much as Snowing and I cannot really explain that.) Then, I thought “oooh, CS PHANTOM OF THE OPERA?!” for about thirty seconds before realising that maybe I did not want to take that on while I was trying to finish up Witchy Woman and plotting the CS Miraculous Fic and that one Bridgerton-based CS Fic. But, then, I listened to Burn the Ships and read about the inspiration behind those lyrics and absolutely knew that was the one. What is more Captain Swain than battling demons (internal and external) and enduring together? Anywhoosies, HAPPY BIRTHDAY (this month)!! Thank you so much for all the flails, the sanity checking, the gifs, the cheerleading, and for just generally being one of the brightest lights in all of our lives. (Edit: atge birthday is on the 15th, I know. This whole thing happened where this was a two-parter and now it is a whole long thing and the posting schedule SHOULD work out so the whole thing is done by the 15th.)

Emma woke to the harsh sunlight infiltrating the discoloured curtains hanging limply over the large window her lumpy mattress had been pushed against. This was the worst part of her day - these moments in which the lie of her dreams, even the worst of them, gave way to the nightmarish truth of her reality. She fought against the dread seeping into her heart and tried to hold on to the last remnants of her dream, but it faded away as the scarred wardrobe came into clearer focus before her.

Despair, however, was less easily shaken. That endless emptiness accompanied her as she started toward the water basin to splash cold water on her face. Her gaze lifted to meet the empty emerald eyes she knew would stare back at her. She had watched helplessly as the hope drained from them, over the last several months, taking with it the anger and defiance that once glimmered behind them.

Fantasies, like hope, were for those with people or a pack, who cared. Lone wolves, orphaned at birth and betrayed to the monster who ruled this island by their shitty ex-fiancées, weren’t missed. And without any to notice your absence, who would know to rescue you?

“Cheer up,” a cheerful boyish voice chirped from behind her. She jumped and spun around - having your back to the demon was never a good idea. Pan was there, in the middle of the dreary room, looking at her with a dark sort of crazed humour dancing behind his eyes. That look meant he had a new twisted game to play. Her stomach fell and icy fear gripped her heart - losing came at a high price in Neverland and she always lost.

“As you doubtlessly know, the moon will be full tonight.” Pan paused and waited for her to respond. As if any wolf would be oblivious to the phases of the moon, she buried her annoyance at the patronising question and nodded for him to continue. “Tonight, I am letting you out of the garden. You’ll get to run the length of the island.”

Emma knew there was a catch, but after spending several transformations pacing the tiny gated garden, the prospect of running had her heart racing with excitement.

“As you lead us in tonight’s hunt.”

Her blood turned to ice in her veins. She was going to die tonight.

§§§§ §§§§ §§§§ §§§§

“OOOHHHH, CAPTAIN!” A sing-song voice called from somewhere high on the main mast.

“Pan, to what do we owe this unexpected visit?” Hook called back genially. He swept his arms out wide, in a welcoming gesture, discretely sliding the small vial into a hidden pocket of his coat.

Pan flew lower, hovering just above head height, forcing Killian to look up at him. A sweet scent filled the air between, something soft and warm. Killian couldn’t hear Pan's next words as the wolf within tried to locate the source of the scent. With the change coming so soon, Killian knew he would struggle to fight the impulses of the wolf. He had to get away from this enchanting distraction before Pan noticed his attention was elsewhere.

“Let’s discuss whatever business you have away from listening ears.” Hook gestured toward the ladder leading to his quarters, hoping the breeze would not penetrate the boards.

“As you well know, the hunt will be tonight. I do hope you and your crew will attend.” Pan started, as Killian filled a glass with rum in an effort to steady himself. The room around him was saturated with the warm - Vanilla? No, not quite. What is the point of being a bloody wolf if I can’t determine a bleeding smell? - scent. Could a scent be alluring and inviting? Because Killian felt an inexplicable sense of contentedness, something cosy he was drawn to like the heat of a fire, that seemed directly related to the sudden arrival of the scent. Was this possibly a new torture device derived from this cruel realm?

"What do you say, Captain?" Pan sneered, the last word sounding as an insult rather than a well-earned title.

"I'll not be joining your pack of savage, cruel beasts as they set out to torment an innocent you have captured for a barbaric ritual of bloodlust and cruelty."

"We're all wolves, Hook," Pan responded. "You can keep to your ridiculous code, acting as though you are a gentleman despite the tasks you perform in your service to me. But, you cannot deny that the same blood-thirsty animal lives under your skin. One day, you'll relish letting the darkness play alongside my pack. We're the same at the heart of it."

"I am nothi…"

"Ah, ah, Captain, you wouldn't want to say anything regretful, now, would you?" Pan smiled his cruelest smile and Killian swallowed down his annoyance. The last time Killian had crossed Pan still hurt as fresh as the night Pan’s pack had stolen Milah’s pup from his ship. Killian heard Bae’s weak howls from the depths of the Mermaid Lagoon and raced toward his ship as quickly as possible in the dense jungle. When his paws landed with heavy thuds on the wooden gangway, the overly sweet, coppery smell of blood filled the air - air that was notably barren of any of the sounds or scents that had made the Jolly Roger home. Without even a single survivor to share the burden of grief and burial, laying his sailors to rest had taken days - purging the Jolly of all evidence of the massacre had taken much longer.

“Aye,” Killian growled out.

“Good, lad.” Pan evaporated, leaving him alone in his cabin. The sweet scent that had entranced him moments before faded away. Realisation dawning, Killian swore but did nothing to soothe the sudden rage burning hot through him.

The bloody demon had his mate.

#a gift for kmomof4 #Emma x Killian #Emma Swan #Killian Jones #Captain Swan #killian x emma #ouat captain hook #cs fanfic #ouat #ouat fanfic #cs ff #fic by Jas #inspired by songs #inspired by Burn the Ships #werewolves #some horror elements #some hurt/comfort

[teememdee]

2023 ART SUMMARY!!!

2023 was uhhhhhhh a year! And I made art! And I’m going to talk for a long time about everything I did month by month! Yippee!!!

original individual posts can be found in my #tanner art tag!

JANUARY

Started off the year with my favorite skrunklies sleepy and snuggling. Then sleeping together while holding one another is so incredibly important to me, they’re so cute and I needed to draw it. Struggled with Kai’Sa’s face but I particularly like the drapery of the pillow behind them.

FEBRUARY

First off, just a simple Kai’Sa piece for the Vibes(TM) and background practice. I was also fairly miserable and when I get miserable I draw Kai’Sa being miserable as well. I love my favorite character of all time <3

Then a quick Valentine’s Day piece, soft gradient map stuff. Love my skrunklies, hopefully this year I can make something for the day that isn’t rushed

MARCH

In March I FINALLY finished my Star Guardian Kahri fic, be the light to carry me, and drew Kiko and Ina being adorable together to go along with it. They’re SO cute and people LOVE that fic. Chapter 3 ended up being a whole 20k words and every time I re-read I’m amazed that I wrote it.

A kiss for Kai’Sa’s birthday! This was actually two sketches mashed together because I had a good Kai’Sa and a good Ahri on separate attempts. Love Kai’Sa’s smile on this one.

NOW. Strong contender for my favorite piece of the year. Captioned “please don’t lose yourself,” my K/DA-verse Kassadin’s very dead wife’s ghost weighs on him, begging him to not get lost in his grief and lose sight of their daughter. Kassadin feels lost and broken without her. I love the emotions in this one, and I think the idea comes across even without knowledge of my headcanons. Love it so much.

APRIL

Full-body piece that took me all month. I just love this one so much. It’s just pure Kahri, pure love, pure joy. Pose inspired by Blake Belladonna from RWBY’s leg pop during the long-awaited Bumblby kiss. This piece just makes me so happy.

MAY

Oops! No art! Was too busy being on a (student) film set every weekend as well as dealing with classes and multiple other stressors. I did START a piece though, but wouldn’t finish it until the middle of June.

JUNE

I actually did the first sketch of the Evelynn piece in February, but I decided to revamp it in May, and then when school finally set me free I finished it, and it turned out exactly how I wanted it to. Her hair was a labor to render but I'm so so pleased with how it looks, as well as the blood. The first time I've finished a fully rendered Evelynn piece!

Naafiri is so fucking cool. Upon her reveal, I was seeing so much incredible fanart and I just needed to get in on it. The shapes and points are just so good. I used to draw dogs all the time as a kid, and my younger self would absolutely flip out at seeing this. I did this piece in one day, and I have no idea how I pulled that background off but hopefully I can do it again some day lol

JULY

Two drastically different vibes here. Realized it had been forever since I had drawn Kahri so I just wanted to make a cute summertime piece. Their hands should be bigger and it bugs me but this is still really cute, I missed my girls dearly.

And then my very very sad man Kassadin being very very sad about his very very dead wife. This is what I call his phase 2 design, when he's at the peak of his grief (spiraling, as emphasized by the background) and feels just so sad and alone. In my head this and the March piece are part of a series that I hope to continue.

AUGUST

Just one piece that took me all month because I was quite busy in August, and Runeterra Kahri pieces take forever, but as I always say, it's always worth it. This pose comes from mellon_soup on instagram, who makes a lot of really great pose references for artists to use, highly recommend checking them out. This piece is just so soft to me. Captioned "'you're beautiful, you know that?'" they're saying it to each other, two people that struggle with their self image finding love and confidence in the other. Also I'm so very happy with the background. I love these two so so so so much, they're my world.

SEPTEMBER

One of my goals for this year was to branch out in the fanart I made. Baldur's Gate 3 came along and I love watching my best friend play it, we love Shadowheart and I just wanted to draw her. This came after a lot of sketches of both her and our favorite Tav that ended up changing how I draw eyes. The rendering of her face here is also something I'm proud of, her nose looks great. And again, the background! This piece didn't get a lot of attention at all but that's okay, I made it for me and I'm very happy with it.

OCTOBER

STAR WARS TOXIC YURI WENT CRAZY THIS YEAR!!! Wolfwren (Sabine Wren x Shin Hati, from the Ahsoka TV series) had me by the THROAT for a solid two months or so, I haven't been that feral and deranged over a ship in a hot minute. They had me frothing at the mouth every episode even though I did not like the show overall. Anyways. First piece is a redraw of the part in episode 4 where they just have the most charged eye contact of all time, and I decided to take that in stride with inspiration from Horimiya, a favorite anime of mine, during particularly emotionally charged moments, the background changes and there's a particular color silhouette behind them. It really fits that moment of the show and I am SO proud of these faces, especially Sabine's. Drawing from a real human face reference was kinda new to me but it's taught me a lot. The file size also ended up enormous somehow idk lol

Then, my most popular piece of the year, on both tumblr and twitter. I LOVE hand imagery, I love subtle hand touches, I churned this out in I think exactly one day, it's so soft it's so cute and I totally understand the overwhelming positivity it received.

NOVEMBER

I was not doing well at this time in the year. The state of the world just had me in a horrible mental state, I wasn't taking care of myself well at all, I couldn't get myself to make art, especially something happy or cute, it just felt wrong. But then sometimes you feel something so strong and specific there's no other way to process it than to make art. To make a long story short, earlier in the year I thought a girl liked me, I liked her back, but it turned out she did indeed have a boyfriend the whole time. We didn't see or talk to each other for a few months but in November we (and the bf, lol) met up again. When she saw me at the door she smiled at me so sweetly and it was just the worst feeling ever and I just had to hide it behind a smile and a wave. Oversharing aside, this is a style I'd wanted to execute for a while and I'm really pleased with how it turned out, would love to make more like this.

DECEMBER

All of this was done / finished in the first two weeks of the month because then I got sick + was visiting family + jet lag took me out. Kinda sad I didn't get something done for Ahri's birthday or a traditional Kahri Winter piece but that's what January is for. Anyway.

Sometimes you just want to draw girls kissing and sometimes you wanna make it a little suggestive. Not much to say. Proud of the drapery on Kai'Sa's sleeve and you can always tell I love drawing hands.

Now it's time for classwork. Here I just have two pages but I've posted the whole comic on its own, this was for my "Art and Text" class, I have it printed in a booklet and my classmates + friends have responded to it so sweetly I'm really proud, I really really want to make more comics. This project was a culmination of so many inspirations from other artists and I'm really happy with the execution even if it was really rough for me to manage my time well for that class.

Then for my "Fiction and Allegory" class, two of my friends and I made a storyboard film (which I don't want to share publicly, but if I know you you can ask for a link) and during the all-nighter two of us pulled to get it done on time, I decided one scene needed music instead of diegetic sound, so I churned this out on garageband in about an hour. Would definitely love to try my hand at making more music in the future. Wish my classmates / teacher liked / understood the film more but oh well. I learned a lot and for the thousandth time, I'm proud of what I did.

IN CONCLUSION:

I ended up with less full pieces than 2022 but what I did create in 2023 are big, detailed, emotional pieces, and I'm more than satisfied. I think my skills in rendering, backgrounds, and colors really improved and I'm looking forward to how I continue to improve in 2024. This upcoming year has a lot of scary stuff ahead (namely graduating college) but I will come out the other side regardless, hopefully with just as much art I'm proud of.

If you read all of this, thank you!! If you've liked, shared, or commented on any of my art, thank you!!!!!! It means the world, always.

#2023 art review #long post #this year had some good highs but also some drastic lows so idk #but making art is always a high #happy new year! #artists on tumblr #tanner art #tanner talks

[captainrex89]

Crosshair x Varel Avano (OC belonging to @zaana)

This fic is inspired by the art and OC of @zaana! I got permission from Zaana to write and post this. I plan to write 1-2 more based off her Crosshair and Varel art, which you should check out, it's absolutely beautiful! I hope you enjoy, this is my first time writing :)

Again, please check out the art created by @zaana! She has a beautiful way of telling a story using only drawings! Varel is 100% her character, all descriptions are based off of the art as well as input when she read this prior to publishing it.

Crosshair x OC Jedi Varel Avano

The Bad Batch is assigned a mission with a Jedi who is an environmental scientist. Crosshair starts to notice some interesting emotions....

Crosshair was in a foul mood. The Bad Batch was being sent out on another mission, however, this particular mission was not one of the usual type for the elite commandos. The squad was being sent to an Outer Rim planet called Dunbar on a reconnaissance mission with a Jedi. Hunter had informed the squad this morning that the Jedi was an environmental scientist and that they were to escort this scientist while she investigated the planet. The GAR wanted to establish a base on this remote planet, but there was little known about the flora and fauna and whether it was safe to inhabit or not. Crosshair ground his teeth on the toothpick in his mouth. This was no mission for he and his brothers. Couldn’t this Jedi look after herself? He felt as though this were a waste of their skills. He leaned against the Marauder while Tech finished repairing damage sustained from the last mission. Wrecker was keeping himself occupied by bench-pressing Gonky, the quiet bustle of the hangar occasionally interrupted by the droid’s half-hearted protests. Crosshair shifted the toothpick in his mouth as he saw Hunter crossing the hangar floor. 

“Alright boys, we leave in 20. Tech, do you have the repairs complete?” the Sergeant asked the lanky pilot. 

Tech slid out from under the belly of the ship. “Of course I have,” he replied in a clipped tone. “Allow me to put the panels back in place and I will begin inputting our destination into the nav-system”. He then slid back under the ship and the clanking of metal soon sounded from his position. 

“Wrecker, I need you to go to landing pad 13 and help General Avano bring her equipment to the Marauder.” Hunter continued. He then turned to Crosshair, observing the sniper’s arms crossed over his chest and the scowl that was on his face. “Cross, just be nice” the Sergeant said, pinching the bridge of his nose. Wrecker let out a loud “HA” as he lowered Gonky to the ground and strode off towards landing pad 13. Crosshair just rolled the toothpick in his mouth again and replied with his usual snark “Sir, yes sir”. 

================

Varel Avano was checking over her equipment as Wrecker approached her with a hearty “Hello General!” She looked up from the crate and smiled warmly at the large clone. “You must be Wrecker” she replied, tilting her head up to look him in the eyes. “Hunter said you would be coming.” Wrecker nodded his head. “What needs to go to the ship?” Varel closed the crate next to her and said “Just this crate here, I can carry the rest.” She picked up a small satchel which she slung across her shoulder, and then picked up the datapad next to it. “Yes ma’am, General” Wrecker replied as he shouldered the crate. “Please, call me Varel,” she stated, placing a hand on Wrecker’s arm. “Well, if you insist!” he replied with a large grin. Varel smiled back, and the two set out across the hangar. 

================

Crosshair looked up when he heard Hunter greet the General. His scowl deepened as he took in the young Jedi. She was petite, barely reaching the top of his shoulder in height. Her brown hair was pulled up in a half bun, the rest falling in soft tendrils around her face and over her shoulders. Freckles were scattered across her nose and cheeks, making her skin look slightly pale. She did not wear traditional Jedi robes, but wore a loose fitting skirt and tunic over the top of a pair of blacks. A standard Jedi belt was around her waist, from which hung a pouch and her lightsaber. Her bright green eyes danced as she chatted with Wrecker. Crosshair stared in silent shock. Maker, this girl looked as though she had never seen the outside of a lab. How had she been chosen to go on this mission? How was she so……pretty? Crosshair quickly shoved this thought away. He remained leaning against the ship next to the ramp as Tech descended from the ship, tapping away at his datapad. 

“General Avano has quite the extensive studies in flora, fauna and all things environmental” he commented without looking up at Crosshair. “This should prove to be quite an informational mission.”

Crosshair huffed with disdain “Some kid Jedi who likes plants,” he pulled the toothpick from between his lips and flicked it away. “Let’s just get this mission over with.” Crosshair was torn between wanting to more about Varel and wanting to keep his stony reputation intact. He quickly elected to put on an icy front and pushed off the ship to stand upright.

Hunter and Varel approached the two as Wrecker carried the crate on board. “General, this is Tech and Crosshair,” Hunter said, staring pointedly at Crosshair. Varel smiled brightly at them and said, “Please call me Varel.” Tech gave a nod of his head, replying “Very well, if that is what you prefer.” He then turned to the ramp of the ship and said “I will begin our final preparations for takeoff. You are welcome to come to the cockpit when we launch, I would very much like to learn about your areas of expertise” Tech made his way up the ramp, leaving Varel with Hunter and Crosshair. Varel turned and started to smile at Crosshair, but the sniper brushed past her without a word and boarded the ship. Varel’s smile faltered, unsure what to think of the interaction. Hunter sighed, “Don’t take it personally, Cross is like that with all new people.” Varel looked up at the tattooed face of the Sergeant. “Thanks,” she said with a smile. “I understand that this is not one of your normal missions. I could see how it would be an insult to be assigned to escort me.” Hunter chuckled at this. “Not to worry, he is easily insulted. Wrecker, Tech and myself are pleased to have you aboard. Tech may talk your ear off, Wrecker is always excited to meet new people.” He gestured to the ramp of the Maurader. “After you, General.” Varel gave a soft, breathy laugh and replied, “Yes Sergeant” 

================

Settled in the co-pilot seat, Varel gazed out the swirling blue and white space as the ship cruised thru hyperspace. Tech had insisted that she take the seat so that she could observe everything. He was an intelligent clone, and she appreciated his excitement to learn new things. He tapped away at his datapad as she told him what little she knew about the planet they were going to scope out. Now having settled into an easy silence, her mind drifted back to Crosshair. Varel had never had problems getting along with new people. She was a rather unconventional Jedi, having chosen to study sciences over being a diplomat. She still carried a lightsaber and was proficient in its use, but she still preferred studying plants to normal Jedi duties. Her gentle personality made it easy for others to work with her, and she had never found herself in this situation. Hunter had said not to take it personally, but she could not help but wonder why he was so displeased by her presence. She sighed, pulling her knees up to her chest and glanced over her shoulder. The other three clones were all sitting behind her and Tech. Hunter and Wrecker were engaged in a game of Dejarik, and Crosshair was carefully cleaning his rifle. The sniper looked up from his task and caught Varel’s glance. She quickly turned back to the viewport and wrapped her arms around her legs. 

Crosshair felt a slight pang of guilt as the pretty young Jedi turned her face away. Growling internally, he focused on the task of cleaning his rifle. Why was he feeling this way? He had seen many pretty faces before. But none had made him feel bad for maintaining his cold exterior when it came to people other than his squad. He hadn’t even spoken to this girl, yet he had a deep yearning to know more about her. Crosshair shook his head and tried to push these unusual feelings away. Things like this would only cause trouble. However, he couldn’t help the warm feeling in his chest whenever Varel spoke. 

================

The flight to Dunbar took several rotations. During this time, Clone Force 99 became acquainted with the young Jedi General. Varel and Tech spent hours sharing information. Wrecker enjoyed playing Djarik and teaching her about explosives. Hunter showed her close quarters combat, something that was new to Varel. Crosshair, however, did his best to keep to himself. This proved to be difficult, as Varel would seek him out to ask questions about various rifles and blasters. He reluctantly answered her questions as briefly as possible. He started to realize that he was intrigued by her and listened in as she spoke with Tech about her upbringing at the Jedi temple. While she was a very intelligent individual, she did not show the same aptitude at lightsaber skills as the others she trained with. While she could handle a lightsaber, she preferred to surround herself with the Force and soak up all the information she could about the environment. She discovered that she had a special connection with animals. She loved plants and did extensive research on how to utilize them to heal sentient and non-sentient beings among many other things. She was allowed to take a different path than other Jedi, choosing to pursue her scientific studies over the diplomatic duties of the Order. However, at the start of the Clone Wars she was promoted to a General under the Courscant Guard and ordered to work on projects that would help provide more medical care to the troops, something that she was more than happy to do. Varel had never been in combat and admitted that she was a little nervous about her lack of combat training. Hunter reassured her that it would not be a problem. The Bad Batch was assigned to her for a reason, Wrecker told her. Varel smiled at the explosives expert, “Well I feel so much better about this whole venture knowing I have you at my side.” She couldn’t help but glance back at Crosshair. The man was an enigma to her. She wanted to know more about him, but he was so closed off. Crosshair looked up from the blaster he was cleaning and happened to catch her eye. Varel felt herself blush and quickly looked away. Over the last few days, she found herself struggling with feelings that were new to her. She enjoyed the company of all the clones on this mission, but there was something about Crosshair that felt different. She could sense that he was reluctant to work with her, but there was also a warmth that she felt when in his presence. Her thoughts were interrupted by the proximity alarm going off, indicating that they were nearing their destination. Tech assumed his spot in the pilot seat and Wrecker planted himself in the co-pilot seat. Hunter, Crosshair and Varel seated themselves in the jump seats, pulling down the restraints. Varel felt a nervous energy coursing thru her. She was excited about the prospect of new discovery, but also nervous. She felt a certain pressure on her to make sure that this planet was inhabitable. Across from her, Hunter looked at her with an expression that read “You good?”. She smiled back, nodding her head. Glancing to Crosshair, who was seated by Hunter, her gaze was met with his steely eyes. He raised an eyebrow, then shifted his gaze to her hands. Varel noticed that she was clutching the restraints quite tightly, and she felt her face flush as she loosened her grip and slid her hands to her lap. Tech landed the ship with no incidents, and he immediately started running scans to see if the air was compatible with life. Varel lifted the restraints and began to collect her equipment from the cargo hold. The other members of the squad went about collecting their own equipment, Hunter sheathing his vibro blade, Wrecker collecting a variety of explosives and Crosshair cradling his beloved Firepuncher. Shortly, Tech finished his scans, declaring the atmosphere hospitable. He collected his own blasters and turned to look at Varel. 

“I believe we are ready to depart,” Tech stated, looking at Hunter who placed his helmet on his head. The others followed suit as Varel slung her bag over her shoulder, datapad in hand. “Wrecker, you and I will take point,” Hunter ordered. “Tech, you stay next to General Avano, and Crosshair, you take up the rear”. Hunter looked to Varel, “General, you do your thing.” Varel replied with a two finger salute and a hearty “Yes sir!”.

As the crew left the Marauder, Crosshair scanned the area. There were no immediate threats that he could see. Dunbar was a forested planet, covered with plants of varying sizes and colors. As he looked about, he couldn’t help but watch Varel. There was a sparkle in her eyes that Crosshair found mesmerizing. As they made their way thru the trees, the sniper kept an eye on the surroundings, but his gaze always wound up on Varel. At one point, she stopped dead in her tracks tapping away furiously on her datapad. She excitedly shared some info with Tech, and then suddenly turned to look directly at Crosshair, a brilliant smile on her face. Crosshair was glad his bucket was on, as he felt his face flush. Varel looked at where his eyes would be behind his helmet for a moment and then went back to talking to Tech, the smile never leaving her face. 

================

After spending several hours hiking thru the woods, the group returned to the Marauder. They started to set up camp, the plan being that tomorrow they would move the ship to another location and conduct more testing. Varel sat next to the campfire while Wrecker cooked some fish he had caught in a nearby river. Busily noting her findings on her datapad, she spoke to no one in particular. “So far everything we have found presents no danger to sentient beings,” Varel looked up at the trees and smiled. “The birds here are a new species to me, but they have yet to pose any threat.” 

“I would agree,” Tech interjected. “They have been around us all day and have not shown any signs of aggression. Some curiosity, perhaps. I thought that one was going to land on Wrecker’s head.” Varel laughed, remembering the bright blue bird that had followed them for some time before swooping close to Wrecker’s head, causing him to duck. “I am hopeful that this planet will work for the Republic’s needs,” she stated. “All of the plant life seems to be harmless, I would love to see more wildlife though.” Hunter grunted in agreement. “If we fly low, we may cause something to show itself.” 

Varel nodded, “The birds and insects are easy to deal with, I am curious to see what kind of predator type animals there are here.” She looked back to her data pad. “Depending on what we find tomorrow, I would be comfortable declaring Dunbar safe for a base, given that proper precautions are taken for any sentient natives.” She bit her lip and looked up at Hunter and Tech. “It’s a large planet, so with the amount of time we have been given I can’t say that it will be safe in that regards. I can only say that the plants and animals that we see present no danger to our forces.” 

Tech adjusted his goggles, looking at his own datapad. “The Republic will be able to handle any sentient beings should they make themselves known. Do not worry over that.” 

After eating their meal, the clones and the Jedi began to settle down to sleep. With the temperate weather, they opted to sleep outside the ship, something Varel greatly appreciated. Hunter stated that he would take first watch. “Can’t be too careful,” he said, holstering his blaster. “We haven’t seen all the creatures that could be around.” Varel nodded in agreement. Wrecker offered to take second watch, followed by Crosshair, Varel, then Tech. As Varel laid out her bedroll, she glanced over at the sniper as he made his own bed. She didn’t say anything, but she felt him glancing at her all day. “What is his deal?” she thought, sliding under her blanket and making sure her lightsaber was close. She lay down, looking up at the stars. “And why can I not stop thinking about him?” She continued to ponder these confusing thoughts as she drifted off to sleep. 

Varel was startled awake by an abrupt presence in the Force. Not even a second after her eyes shot open, a single blaster shot rang out. Varel sat upright quickly, glancing around. Crosshair was crouched in a kneeling position with his DC-17 pointing away from the camp. The other clones were all awakened by the blast. “What did you see?” Varel asked, scrambling to her feet. “Let’s find out,” Crosshair replied, standing up to walk into the tall grass next to the camp. He pulled out a creature with feline features and about the size of a Lurca hound. Varel gave a soft cry “You didn’t kill it, did you?” She rushed over to where Crosshair laid the creature on the ground and knelt next to it. “No,” the sniper growled. “Just stunned it.” He turned and stalked away back to the ship. Varel looked up at Hunter, who just shook his head and quietly said “He’ll get over it.” Varel sighed and turned her attention to the creature as Tech came over with his datapad in hand. 

Crosshair made his way up the ramp of the ship. “Did she really think I was going to kill it?” He thought angrily. This thought came as a surprise to him. He didn’t care what others thought about him. Why was this girl so different? He growled as he went to grab his cleaning kit. Cleaning his weapon always calmed him, gave him time to think. “Could I really like this girl?” he thought. He shook his head as if to rid himself of that thought “She’s a Jedi, they don’t allow themselves attachments.” As he finished cleaning, he came to the conclusion that he would continue to do his job, but maybe not be so cold to her. 

================

As the sun came up the next morning, Varel found herself less distressed than she had been last night. She felt relief when Crosshair had informed her that he had only stunned the creature, but then felt a pang of guilt when he stormed off. “I shouldn’t have assumed that he killed it.” she berated herself. She wanted to try to get to know Crosshair better, and this was not the way to go about it. She sighed deeply as she picked up her bedroll. “Get yourself together Avano,” she thought sternly. “It’s a new day.” She was relived to find that Crosshair didn’t act any more distant than he normally was. “This is a good start.” she said to herself as she loaded her gear onto the Marauder. With everyone on board, Tech piloted the ship over the forest to a less densely wooded area. Flying low, he hoped to cause creatures to come out of hiding. Several herbivore animals that Varel recognized made an appearance, plus one more predator creature that she was familiar with. She made notes in her datapad as they travelled. The creature Crosshair had stunned the night before was new, and she had made a profile of it as well. When they arrived at a suitable landing area, Tech put the ship down so that they could explore the area on foot. Varel reveled in the new surroundings, taking in all the info she could. As the day grew warmer, the boys removed their helmets to breath in the fresh air. Crosshair walked alongside Varel, discreetly watching her. A horned beetle flew by, it’s shiny green carapace the same shade as Varel’s eyes. As it buzzed by noisily, Crosshair watched as Varel tracked its path thru the air. Suddenly, she closed her eyes, gently lifting her hand. Crosshair watched as the beetle made a lazy turn and drifted back towards the Jedi. It landed in the palm of her outstretched hand, and Varel opened her eyes. A gentle smile spread across her freckled face as she looked at the beetle. Crosshair felt his heart skip a beat. “She is so different from any other Jedi.” he thought. 

Varel watched the beetle as it took off, and she became acutely aware that Crosshair was looking at her. She turned to meet his gaze, and to her surprise her gave a slight smirk and nodded his head “General” he said, as he turned away and continued walking to catch up with his brothers. Varel felt herself blush, as she returned the greeting with a quiet “Crosshair” and nod of her head. She stood still for a moment, watching as he walked on ahead. Perplexed, she shook her head and followed. 

Later on in the afternoon, the group came upon a lake surrounded by a multitude of flowers. “This area would be ideal for a base,” Varel stated to the group. She pointed to the trees and cliffs not too far off from the lake. “Ideal coverage for dwellings at the bases of the cliffs, open area to land ships and a fresh water source.” Tech was busily tapping away at his datapad and looked up to survey the area. “I agree,” he said. “This planet has great potential for several bases.” Hunter decided that he and Tech would go back for the Marauder, and they would camp for the night here before leaving for Courscant the next morning. Wrecker said that he would fish for dinner in the lake while they waited for Tech and Hunter’s return. Crosshair stood silently observing, Varel stated she was going to take a closer look at the flowers around the lake. With a reminder to stay alert, Hunter left with Tech. Wrecker happily made his way to the lakeside, leaving Crosshair and Varel together. She looked at Crosshair out of the corner of her eye. “Well, I am going to go document the plants over there,” she pointed to a large tree that spread its wide leaves over the edge of the lake, providing a shaded area. She began to walk that direction, and to her surprise Crosshair followed a moment later. He had put his helmet back on, and when they got to the tree, he leaned against the trunk with his arms crossed over his chest. Varel gave a small gasp when she saw a purple flower that was swirled with sliver streaks. Gently taking one of the blossoms in her hand, she said “This is one of my favorites of the nebula orchid family!” She looked up at Crosshair, with a gentle smile on her face. “The nebula orchids are known for…..” She trailed off and bit her lip. “Sorry,” she said quietly. “I’m sure this doesn’t interest you.” She let the flower drop from her hand and started to turn away. “Go ahead,” She looked up in surprise and raised an eyebrow, as if to question if she really did hear those words from the sniper’s mouth. “Can’t be any worse than Tech’s rants.” The smile crept back across Varel’s face. Turning back to the dark purple flower, she went on. “The nebula orchids are known for resembling various nebulas, as the name indicates. This particular one,” she stated as she gently traced the silver streaks of the petals, “originates from Alderaan.” She looked back at Crosshair. “I especially like this one as it glows in the moonlight. Sadly, they can’t be found on Courscant.” Crosshair nodded his head, and Varel continued to document the plants. The quiet of the afternoon was periodically interrupted by a triumphant shout from Wrecker. 

Tech and Hunter soon returned with the ship. When it came time to set up camp, Varel insisted that they lay out the bedrolls near the tree. “We can put the fire on the small beach over there,” she said. “Trust me, you don’t want to obstruct the moonlight tonight.” 

When it came time to bed down, Varel took the first watch. As the moonlight filtered into the camp, the squad was amazed to see the purple flowers come to life. The dark purple became a brilliant glowing shade, and the silver streaks sparkled and seemed to swirl over the petals. As Crosshair drifted off to sleep, he couldn’t help but keep his eyes on Varel’s face as she basked in the glowing light of the nebula orchid. 

================

The return to Courscant was uneventful. Varel was disappointed to leave the squad, but they had other missions to attend to. Wrecker lifted her in a bone crushing hug, which she gladly reciprocated to the best of her abilities. A small transport arrived to take Varel and her equipment back to her small apartment on the GAR base. She gave a two fingered salute to the clones as she piloted the craft away. Upon arriving to her apartment, she returned her equipment to the small lab that was attached to her dwelling. She then went to report her findings to the Council. After a couple of hours, she finally returned to her apartment. Locking the door behind her, she turned towards the living area. To her surprise, she found on the table a pot with a single, purple nebula orchid.

To be continued!

#the bad batch #star wars #tbb crosshair #jedi oc #crosshair x oc

[nicohischier]

@david-reinbacher tagged me thank youuuuu just the other day i was thinking about how i wanted an excuse to talk about myself LMAO

Tell me about:

1. The thing that got you hooked on hockey

i've spoke about how i first got interested in hockey so i won't rehash that, but what hooked me was honestly the behind the scenes content. behind the b was my best friend when i was a baby fan, i absolutely loved the content. even now, that sort of behind the scenes stuff is still my favourite content posted by teams

2. Your first ever fandom friend

my first hockey friend was shoshana (@/kempny) but they aren't on hockeyblr anymore and we haven't spoken in years unforch

3. The jersey you would most like to own

this is boring but my dream jersey is just a regular hischier home jersey

4. YOUR player (you only get ONE so choose wisely)

i am predictable. obviously it's nico. i've always felt like being a fan of the devils, for me, is like returning to the comfort of your home. nico's like that for me too. i think, no matter what team he plays on in the future, seeing him on or off the ice will give me the same comfort that coming home does. soz for getting sappy, he's just my guy

5. A pairing that deserves more fic

like. i'm a mattdrai girlie and i will never say no to more fics. but i am also tragically stuck in 2017 and would therefore go absolutely insane for more niconolan fics.

6. Your favourite on-ice moment

this is going to sound so stupid because i literally wasn't even a hockey fan yet, but adam henriques goal against the r*ngers in the 2012 ecf that sent the devs to the finals... i knooooow its such a dumb choice cause i wasnt a fan but. god. i cant explain how much that moment means to me even looking back retroactively. i get goosebumps every single time.

THEN

link someone else's art/fic/etc that you love & think everyone should check out

I HAVE A LIST. here's three from three different mediums. @jonasiegenthaler's insanely beautiful nico art inspired by a quote from his tribune article. @ghostgeno's jack eichel 'what i got' hockey poetry post. and @stevenstamkos's fic 'and i saw stars' which is half taylor hall/jordan eberle and half taylor hall/adam henrique and entirely taylor hall character study. i love all of these so much, none of you will ever know how much i respect you and the things you create.

AND

link something you made & are proud of & want people to see

so unforch i'm not part of the creative side of hockeyblr but like. go read the 2018 drama post i created at the end of 2018. esp if you weren't a fan at the time. it's my most popular post and i love how it complies so much history from that year that most of us would probably just forget about.

alas i will not be tagging anyone because. i think? everyone i would usually tag has already been tagged. also i'm shy :( idk who is okay with being tagged :(

#tagged #thank you for the tag !!!!!!! #i love tag games so much tbh #and i love reading what other ppl say its so important to me that im nosy at all times gbskdhbs

[bytheangell]

Beneath the Surface

(Read on AO3) (inspired by this beautiful art by jesssssah​ <3) 

Jace is with Alec the night everything goes wrong.

They’re on patrol with a small group of soldiers when they spot a mermaid child who pulled herself up on some flat rocks by the beach. She’s alone, looking up at the stars, lost in her thoughts and not paying attention to her surroundings. Jace watches what happens next play out in slow-motion, unable to stop it, as Victor takes his sword and silently approaches her from behind. He watches Alec hesitate just a moment before taking off after him, catching up quickly since he isn’t making any attempt to stay quiet or hide his approach. In fact, Alec shouts, “stop!” which startles Victor into pausing in surprise to look backward, buying Alec enough time to intercept Victor which allows the mermaid girl, suddenly aware of her attacker, time to slip back into the ocean and out of sight.

Except she isn’t alone like they thought. A woman appears in the water by the rocks, a woman with striking blue skin and a shock of white hair. They see her a moment too late to defend themselves against her retaliation and Victor falls, hit with her magic before she too flees beneath the water.

They rush to Victor who is unconscious but still breathing.

“You’re going to regret that, Lightwood,” Raj snarls. It isn’t an empty threat and they all know it.

Raj and the others take off ahead carrying Victor’s body between them, leaving Jace waiting to trail behind with Alec.

“I’m sorry,” Alec says. He isn’t sorry for saving the girl, Jace knows, but rather sorry for the inevitable fallout of it back home.

Jace takes his hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. “I know,” he reassures him, wondering if he would’ve stopped Alec if he saw it coming fast enough… if he would’ve let that mermaid girl die to spare his partner the hardships of whatever might happen next. “You did what you thought was right.”

Jace tries not to think about what Victor might do in retaliation. He tries not to be too upset with Alec for always putting others first at his own expense.

“If something happens to me-” Alec starts, but Jace cuts him off, unable to bear the thought.

“I won’t abandon you, don’t worry,” Jace promises.

“No,” Alec says quickly. “I know you support me. You don’t have to show it. Please, don’t show it. I don’t want them to come after you, too. I-” he hesitates.

“You don’t have to-” Jace starts, already knowing what Alec wants to say, what he feels. He’s always known, but saying it now, under these conditions, makes it feel heavy and final.

“I do. Just once. I love you, Jace.”

They’re words he’s always wanted to hear, but they feel tainted by the circumstances and the fear gripping his chest.

“I love you too,” Jace says.

The words fill the silence between them the rest of the walk back.

---

When Alec stands in defiance of the Council, speaking out in defense of the merfolk, Jace is both immeasurably proud and selfishly upset. It’s such a brave thing to do, and he admires Alec’s sense of what’s right and just as he opposes the laws that allow the merfolk to be hunted and killed without punishment under their classification as a second class species. It’s also a foolish thing to do because going against the Council is unheard of and Jace doesn’t want to see Alec punished for his insubordination.

Still, Alec stands tall and resolute, firm in his beliefs. Jace listens to him speak and knows that he’s going to change the world one day, and can’t wait to be by his side to support him every step of the way. He imagines the worst of Alec’s punishments to be unfavorable duties, perhaps a few physical lashings… he doesn’t expect to hear a decree that Alec is to be imprisoned for what is being deemed treason against the laws of their people.

Jace thought he knew pain, he thought he knew loss, but nothing compares to the way his entire chest constricts at the sight of Alec being lead to the holding chambers, heart full of dread at the idea of what they might do to him there.

Hands hold him back as Jace tries to fight his way through to the guards, to Alec, who turns to shake his head sadly at him as he’s ushered off. Alec’s words echo in his head. ‘I don’t want them to come after you, too.’ Jace stills and takes several steps back, watching helplessly as they usher Alec out of the room.

---

Rumors of Alec’s punishment reach Jace too late. To make an example of him for any who would stand against the Council, and especially any who would advocate for the Merfolk, an arrangement has been made for a curse to be placed upon Alec, turning him into one of the merfolk and leaving to spend the remainder of his days alone in the depths of the sea. It’s a fate many of their people would consider worse than death… but Alec isn’t like most of their people. Jace has to believe he can handle this. He’ll be fine. He has to be fine.

By the time he finds out where they’re going Alec is already on the ship and heading out to sea, and for the second time Jace is helpless to do anything but watch. When the ship returns some hours later Alec is no longer with them.

He doesn't know what to do with himself in Alec's absence. He tries to continue on, knowing that Alec would want him to stay, to live his life without regret or hesitation... but he can't. He can't bring himself to simply move on as if Alec never existed, as if he didn't just lose the most important part of his world.

It takes Jace a long time to find a witch who would be both willing and able to perform a spell as complicated as putting the same curse on him as the Council placed on Alec. It takes him even longer to save up enough to offer in payment. Picking up side-jobs as often as possible to make up the extra coin. he does whatever he can, whatever he has to, in order to make this work.

It's nearly six months after Alec's punishment was carried out when Jace stands with the witch on the edge of the shoreline.

"This cannot be reversed," she warns him, not for the first time. "It isn't too late to turn back. I would even return your payment in full."

Jace should take her obvious reluctance as a sign but he doesn't. He can't, not when he's so close to being able to reunite with Alec.

"You have what you asked for," Jace says resolutely. "Please, continue. I will not change my mind."

She hands Jace a potion, one that's nearly black in color, and only upon closer inspection turns out to be a deep, shimmering midnight blue. He takes the cork out and empties it into his mouth, making certain to swallow every last drop. It takes several minutes for the potion to take effect and when it does he feels a tingle begin around his hips, moving downward, his legs fusing together and covering in scales, shifting from human flesh to golden scales that gleam in the moonlight.

"Thank you," he says to her. "Truly."

She nods and leaves without another word, eager to be done with the whole business, taking her hefty payment with her.

Jace allows himself one last glance up the hill toward the village he once called home and the land and people he swore to serve and protect. Not anymore, though. His home left six months ago, and it's time for him to find it once again.

---

Jace is overwhelmed the moment he dives into the sea. The deeper he goes the darker it gets, and for some reason, he hadn't stopped to consider the sheer vastness of it all until this moment. He doesn't know where to begin, which way to turn... for all he knows Alec could've started to travel away the moment he left and is six months of swimming away by now.

For all he knows Alec may not even be alive.

Jace pushes the thought from his mind and urges the panic down as his body propels forward, slow and unsteady as he acclimates to the new way of moving.

He travels until he's too tired to continue, and then stops for a short rest. It feels strange to be so entirely unguarded - he hadn't thought to bring any weapons with him, the idea of wielding a blade underwater something he imagined wouldn't work very well. It takes a long time for his constant alertness to quiet enough to properly rest. He isn't sure how much sleep he gets before he wakes again, either - he dove down deep enough to block the worst of the morning sunlight from keeping him awake, but that means he hasn’t been paying mind to its passage above, either.

Not that time matters much anymore. He has nothing to wake up for, no schedule to keep, no duties to perform. His only drive is finding Alec, and he'll take as long as he must.

As luck would have it, it doesn't take long. Jace stumbles across a small group of merfolk entirely on accident, following the sounds of an unusual echo in the water to a small series of carved out rock formations that look like proper shelter. And that's when he sees her - the mermaid girl from the rocks.

She sees him and freezes, noting first the black ink markings on his arms and chest that tell her he's a foe, before then noticing the golden scales of his tail that mark him as one of the merfolk. Jace is so overcome with excitement over his first proper lead, someone who might have seen Alec or know which way he went, that he rushes toward her. Which, of course, scares her away and sends her darting off towards the caves.

Jace curses and follows behind, his size and inability to properly control his movements allowing her to get away. He's afraid he lost her entirely when an imposing figure armed with a spear emerges from the direction the girl vanished toward. Red magic crackles at the fingertips of his left hand, the one not holding the weapon, and his hair moves in fluid spikes above his head, holding form in a way that defies normal gravity. His eyes, yellow with slit pupils, narrow.

Jace freezes.

"What brings you here?" The merman demands. "Why do you attack my people?"

Jace notices the curious way his gaze lingers on Jace's tattooed markings.

"I don't - I didn't mean to scare her. The girl, right? I simply wanted to ask if she's seen someone. Someone else like me, with my markings," Jace says, his tone pleading. "I'm sorry," he adds, hoping it might help his case.

The Merman considers him for several very long moments. "Who is this person like you that you seek?"

"His name is Alec," Jace says quickly. "Dark hair, bright eyes... he was once human, but was turned into one of you," Jace says, then pauses. "One of us," he corrects quickly, because Jace is one of them now, for whatever that’s worth. "I need to find him."

"Why?"

Because I love him. Because without him my life is too empty to bear the thought of living.

"Because he means more to me than anyone else in the world," Jace settles on finally. "And I'm afraid it took me too long to find a way to reunite with him again. If you have any information at all I would be most grateful.”

The man considers him a moment longer before saying, “Wait here. Right here. Come any closer before I return and my guards won’t hesitate to kill you.”

Jace nods and waits. And waits. Until finally--

“Jace?!” Alec’s voice reaches him from below. Jace’s tears mingle with the water around him, an odd sensation he doesn’t have time to consider as Alec swims towards him in swift, practiced movements, wrapping his arms around Jace and sending them both spinning to the side with the force of the embrace. They hold each other tight, faces pressed against shoulders, laughter and quiet sobs of joy and relief and surprise filling the space around them.

The first merman follows close behind but hangs back just enough to give them space.

“I didn’t believe it when Magnus described you, I never thought-” Alec’s words cut off sharply. “How?” Alec asks instead of continuing that thought.

“I had the curse placed on me as well. I couldn’t stand to be apart from you, Alec,” Jace confesses, taking Alec’s hands in his own. “I don't want to live in a world without you in it.”

Jace senses the shift in Alec at those words, the way Alec tenses and looks back at the other merman, some unspoken communication passing between them in those glances.

“Bring him back,” the other man says finally.

“Magnus-” Alec starts, but the other man - Magnus - only smiles kindly.

“Please, Jace, come. I’m sure the two of you have much to discuss,” Magnus insists, already swimming back toward the caves.

Jace glances at Alec who nods, though Jace can see the nervousness behind the action as he takes Jace’s hand which is still clasped in his and leads him down to follow.

---

They do, in fact, have much to discuss. Starting with the fact that Alec and Magnus are engaged. Jace feels his heart shatter at the admission, one that Magnus has thankfully given them privacy to discuss.

“I never stopped loving you, Jace. I just never thought…” Alec sighs. “If I ever imagined I’d see you again you know I wouldn’t have-”

“I don’t blame you, Alec. I’m glad you’re happy,” Jace says, though he isn’t sure gladness is something he’ll ever properly feel again, not now. “You are, aren’t you? Happy?”

Alec seems well enough, and if the number of jewels adorning Magnus’ neck and fingers are any indication of his status, if nothing else Alec must be well off here with Magnus.

"I am," Alec admits, but the look on his face is troubled, guilty.

"If you're happy then quit looking so goddamn sad about it," Jace snaps. He doesn't mean to, he just doesn't know what else to say or do. He came here to find Alec. To be with Alec. And to find Alec in a serious relationship with someone else...

"I should go," Jace says suddenly. He tries not to think of the fact that he has nowhere to go, that he'll be entirely alone once he leaves, that he gave up everything to-

"Don't," Alec says. "Stay. Please?"

Jace hesitates.

"We'll figure something out. I promise. I don't want to lose you again, Jace. I can’t." Alec says, and Jace knows the feeling. As much as the idea of watching Alec with someone else hurts, the idea of losing him entirely for a second time hurts more, so Jace nods, and he stays.

---

Things between the three of them are odd at best, and strained at worst. It's obvious that none of them know where they fit now that Jace is in the picture. Part of Alec's heart belongs to both of them, and they all know it, which leaves Jace and Magnus teetering between a need to get along because they know it upsets Alec when they don't, and a need to compete to be the one most in Alec's favor at any given moment. But Alec and Magnus kiss, share lingering touches, they likely do much more than that in the bed they share while Jace stays in a spare room that, Jace suspects, is farther away than strictly necessary. Jace hasn't so much as held Alec's hand again since their reunion - he knows he's the outsider and it doesn't matter that he's known Alec the longest, so he begins to back off before withdrawing entirely.

Surprisingly, it's Magnus who approaches Jace about it first.

"Move in with us," Magnus offers.

"What?" Jace asks, sure he heard wrong.

"Move in with us. There's plenty of space, and I think we both know Alec would be happier if you were closer," Magnus points out.

"And what about you?" Jace asks.

"I'm not unhappy when you're around," Magnus says, a coy smile on his face. "I think I could even grow to like you if we made a proper go of it."

Jace hesitates. He thinks he's reading into Magnus' suggestion but he isn't certain, and this he needs to be certain about. "When you say like me, do you mean..."

"I mean romantically, yes. Pulling Alec in two different directions isn't going to work forever, and he's too kind to ever suggest anything else. But I think it'd serve us all to... cohabitate properly, don't you? I think we both love him enough to try, at least I know I do."

Jace knows what Magnus is doing but takes the bait anyway because it's true.

"I do, too," he agrees. "But what if Alec doesn't want to?"

"What if Alec doesn't want to what?" Says a quiet voice that catches them both by surprise as Alec approaches from around the corner.

"I regret giving you those stealth gliding lessons," Magnus mutters.

"Is everything alright?" Alec questions, glancing between the two of them anxiously.

"Everything is just fine, darling," Magnus reassures him. "How would you feel about Jace moving in?"

If Jace had any doubts before, the way Alec's entire face lights up at the prospect wipes them away immediately.

“You mean it?” Alec asks, unable to keep the hope from his tone. “You’re both sure?”

"Of course I do," Magnus says, then glances at Jace. “And we are.”

"We are," Jace agrees as if he and Magnus are best friends entirely on the same page now rather than two people who stopped viewing one another as lowkey enemies a mere five minutes ago. “As long as it’s what you want.”

"It sounds perfect," Alec beams, moving forward to tug Jace in closer to Magnus so he can wrap them both in a tight embrace at once.

--

It isn't perfect, not at first. It takes a few weeks for the three of them to be comfortable around each other, to feel out boundaries and limits. It's easier for Jace to be with Magnus while Alec is around, but the more they're left alone with one another the more they talk and the faster they begin to connect. They both care for Alec, an obvious starting point, but it turns out they have much more in common than just that. Magnus can keep up with Jace's sarcasm quip for quip and both of them have more than a few issues with their fathers to bond over. They find that after they stop looking at one another as potential competition they actually get along surprisingly well. If Jace could get past the mental hold-up that Magnus is Alec’s, he might find it easier to admit that he can see what Alec loves about him, because Jace finds himself falling for all the same things.

The first time Jace and Magnus kiss is one early morning when Jace passes by Magnus' open door to find him struggling with the clasp of a necklace.

"Here, let me,'' Jace offers, situating it into place to snap the clasp shut, settling it gently around Magnus' neck. His eyes linger there for just a moment before he impulsively leans forward to bring his lips down to place a kiss where Magnus' neck meets his shoulder, right where the necklace rests. It's tentative, a test almost, and when Magnus doesn't move he places another just above that, then another on the side of Magnus' jaw, before Magnus turns his head to catch Jace's lips against his own. It's nice. Jace is surprised by how soft Magnus' lips are, and how smooth his skin is as Magnus’ hand reaches up to cup the side of Jace's face.

Jace pulls away first, a look of mild shock sprawled across his face.

"Are you alright?" Magnus asks.

"Yeah," Jace admits, but his voice is quiet while his mind processes what just happened.

"And you aren't only doing this because you think I expect you to?" Mangus continues.

"No. I wanted to. I've wanted to for a while if I'm being honest. Is... is that alright?" Jace knows this is the agreement, that this is what they've been working towards all these weeks, but he still feels like he has to make sure.

"It's more than alright, Jace," Magnus says, and Jace can barely return the kiss Magnus pulls him into for how wide he's smiling.

---

After that things start to fall into place. The three of them work surprisingly well: Magnus and Jace remind Alec how much he's loved when he's down on himself; Magnus and Alec remind Jace that his place in their relationship is as an equal, not just someone they 'let in'; and Alec and Jace put all their effort and attention into knowing Magnus as well as they know each other from their years on land.

It's great, and most of the time it feels as close to perfect as Jace imagines anything in his life will ever feel. But that doesn't mean there aren't bad days. It's on one of those days he quietly slips out while no one is paying attention and goes for a swim.

He doesn't think anyone noticed him slipping out, nor does he expect them to notice him missing and find him later. This is far from the first time he’s done this. Whenever Jace feels overwhelmed, or angry in that way where talking won't help and he just needs time to cool off, he always goes to the same small stretch of plain situated behind a seamount, giving it a private, secluded feeling while still being open. Sometimes his soldier instincts make the caves and reefs feel too claustrophobic, but this place is perfect.

Jace is humming a bit of a song to himself with his eyes closed, the notes ending abruptly when he hears the sound of someone approaching.

"Want to talk about it?" Magnus asks. Jace wonders when Magnus realized taking a subtle approach to asking him questions rarely works.

"Talk about what?" Jace attempts to brush the concern off.

"I know you come here when you're upset. Alec normally swings by to check on you without letting you know," Magnus adds when he sees the surprise on Jace's face at this not being as much of a secret as he obviously thought it was. "He knows you come here to be alone but you know how he worries.” Jace does. In fact, he even feels a little better knowing Alec secretly checks in on him, and the thought brings him comfort.

Magnus continues. “But you've been here much longer than usual today. You don't have to talk, of course, but you can. If you want to."

Magnus lingers but doesn't press further. Jace knows he'll leave if he asks, and he also knows he'll stand there in companionable silence, too. Today, though, Magnus is right - what he feels is a bit worse than usual, and maybe ignoring it isn't going to work this time.

"I know it's stupid, but sometimes I miss things from-" Jace almost says home, but realizes he hasn't thought of that place as home in quite some time and the word feels wrong. "-before," Jace settles on instead. "Whenever I was upset or needed to think things through, I'd play the piano. Sometimes I'd sit there for hours getting lost in the music..." Jace's words trail off, his thoughts lost in the memory for a moment.

"Is that what you were humming? Something you used to play?" Magnus asks.

"Yeah," Jace admits. "It isn't quite the same."

"No, I imagine not," Magnus muses.

---

The next few weeks pass and Jace doesn't think of it again, until one afternoon he hears the sound of music. It's one note at first, then another, tentative sounds as if whoever is playing them isn't sure what they're doing. Jace follows the sound of the music until he comes across Magnus, blue magic in his palms tinkering with the inner workings of a black harpsichord.

"Magnus?" Jace asks, coming up beside him.

"Surprise!" Magnus says, closing the top of the instrument.

"What's this for?"

"It's for you, obviously," Magnus says. "You said you missed playing. I thought it might help, you know, when you need it. And it'd be nice to hear you play. Alexander tells me you're wonderful."

Jace shakes his head. "Alec exaggerates."

"I do not," Alec says, coming up to join them. "I thought I heard actual notes playing, so you got it to work?" Alec aims the question at Magnus.

"You knew?" Jace accuses, unable to believe they both kept this a secret from him, but more than that, that they both went out of their way to even get this for him.

"I may have advised on the idea," Alec admits. "Go ahead, give it a try!"

Jace does, reaching his arms out to press down on a few of the keys, one at a time to start and then in chords, and then in sweeping scales. Alec sits himself on the top of the casing while Magnus lays himself down on his stomach next to Alec, both watching and listening, fully enraptured by Jace's playing as he attempts the opening lines of an old, classical piece.

It's such a simple thing, having this piano here, with Alec and Magnus listening to him play, but it means the world to Jace. To have people who care enough about him that they'd go out of their way to arrange this just for him... he's never had that before. He did with Alec before, in a way, but it was always secret. It was never like this, it could never be like this, not before. Jace wonders now if he and Alec were ever truly 'cursed'. After all, anything that brought them here, to each other and to Magnus, had to be more blessing than curse.

For the first time since the night Alec left, everything strained within him seems to settle, falling into place all at once. For the first time in his entire life, Jace feels entirely at peace, not just with himself but with his life, what he's doing with it, and the people in it.

This is it. This is what home feels like, he realizes. And now that he has it he's never going to let it go.

#malace #jace herondale #magnus bane #alec lightwood #shadowhunters #hmdiscord #magnus x alec x jace #a fic inspired by beautiful art you should absolutely check out! #it was just meant to be the bit at the end #then i gave it a bit of backstory #then a whole story #and now here we are #long post #elle writes a few deadbeat lines #elle talks too much

[peterpparkerwrites]

peter parker fic recs

it’s been a while since I’ve done a fic rec post (since I had my old account actually lol) so this is long overdue. some of these I read years ago and still love, some are new and I fell in love immediately. I’ll be putting my thoughts on the fic / author with each link, and a summary if the author supplied one. hope you all enjoy these pieces of art as much as I have :) 

this will be updated with new fics as I find them, because my fic recs tag isn’t working for some reason and I want you guys to see what I’ve been reading, too! I won’t reblog it too often but when there are some new additions, I will be sure to so the author can get the attention they deserve.

these are in no particularly order, but I put a keep reading tab because it got quite long. please show these authors some love and feel free to send me your favorite fics (or your own) because I need to read some more! and I’d love to just keep adding to this post!

enjoy :) x j

peter parker x reader

hope and heartache - @venomsilk - masterlist

there’s something indescribably broken in your new neighbour. no one living in this building has a happy story, but the boy in 3b’s got ghosts in his eyes that he can’t hide, not even underneath his polite manners and awkward smiles. you didn’t plan on trying to figure him out, but star wars puns and scribbled napkin notes might open the road for both of you. if only he can afford to let you in.

this fic has no way home spoilers

I knew going into this I would absolutely love it - s always does such a fantastic job of writing dialogue, description, and generally just making the reader feel every emotional possible. this fic was no exception. I have time and time again found myself tearing up at her fics, which is hard for me to do (after writing angst after angst piece, one tends to not get as emotional reading). if you like a more descriptive fic rather than a dialogue heavy one, this writer is for you - and if you love being pulled into a story and left wanting more, she is definitely for you. 

skyline - @astronomyparkers - masterlist

this fic is a little old but I remember it time and time again, it was one of the first peter fics I read as I started writing for him myself and it really was an inspiration for me. leyla is such a gifted writer, and while I don’t think she has posted fics in a while, every single one on her masterlist is a gem and this one is just a personal favorite. the way she writes is so so beautiful and well thought-out, it should really be considered a crime not to read her works of art

time after time - @softspideys - masterlist

peter parker is your worst enemy, but he’s also your soulmate. life is funny that way.

this is my comfort fic. my emotional support fic. this fic has held my hand and walked me across the street. lol no seriously, this one is also an older fic but again one of the first ones I’ve read and fallen so in love with. the banter, the enemies to lovers, the angst and the character development! so so good, and I love kara to bits and all of her work is just so amazing. please check her out, like right now immediately

the beauty next door - @kelieah - masterlist

your next door neighbor is, to your surprise, always there for you when you need him

now everything kelly writes it amazing, but this was so cute and so peter that it’s become one of my favorites. in all honesty it is hard to find a writer that nails peter’s personality well enough to me, but kelly clearly does - the dialogue and description of his is always so spot on in every fic, but this one especially! please go check out all her works, because they’re all so so great

old scarf - @peterbenjiparker - masterlist

peter parker is alone at christmas, but spider-man is with you, sharing chocolate cookies under a broken streetlight.

this is a no way home fic

m is so good, every fic just blows me away. this fic both cured me of my no way home withdrawals and also left me wanting more. it hurt, it was cute, I loved it so much. every other fic on this masterlist is also equally as amazing and worth the read!

far from you - @hey-marlie - masterlist

y/n stark is really not here for this european school vacay because in this post-endgame world, she’s mourning the loss of her dad. but one (1) sticky boi peter parker is just trying to be the friend he once was while also trying not to flirt too much because if she rejects him (which she wouldn’t, not that he knows that) while they’re in venice holy hell he’ll just pitch himself off the gondola right then and there. basically, y/n has been distancing herself & peter misses her & this school trip is a great way for him to coax her back into the real world & y/n really loves peter but is super sensitive and scared to lose him & also mysterio shows up at some point ugh  @ nick fury leave ned leeds alone

where to begin with marlie, my god. for starters, she’s published a whole ass book, so that should tell her immediately how talented she is. her spider-man series (there are multiple now, but when I first encountered her, she only had the one “far from you”) are so above normal fan fiction that it’s hard to even call them that. marlie has a way of fleshing out characters, dialogue, description, all of it, so that you forget you’re reading a tumblr.com fic and instead you think you’re reading an award winning novel. I’m not kidding in the slightest. it’s obvious by the attention to detail, the strive to be character accurate while still making the story her own, and the creativity and love that marlie puts into her stories. if you ever read a fic, please read hers. it may ruin other fics for you, but that’s okay - they’re so worth it

him, not me - @madmadmilk - masterlist

j (hey name buddy) is so so funny. this fic and all her fics are cute, funny, soft, sometimes angsty - and I will just eat that shit up. one thing I love so much about her writing is that she portrays relationships, crushes, and friendships so realistically and normally. it’s not displaying something perfect and unrealistic that many fics do - and that makes them so much better. I love being able to genuinely relate to the reader and the characters she writes, and j absolutely nails that every time. if you like tom fics, hers are also god tier. highly recommend everything she writes

stuck with me - @celestialholland - masterlist

you were just searching for his phone to let may know he’d be crashing at yours...you didn’t expect to find a letter addressed to you.

ugh I just love mutual pining. this one is so soft and sweet, and I’m such a sucker for friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, patching up fics - and this was all of that. addie just kills it every time! she has some other great fics on her masterlist as well, highly highly recommend

clarity - @bi-writes - masterlist

oh I just love everything b writes. as a sucker for a good soulmate fic, clarity just blew me away. it was so beautiful and heartbreaking, and I just love how she wrote this. priority is also another fave - I think out of everyone, she really does a great job of encompassing the responsibility peter feels and the inner conflict he has. suchhh good fics

bloom - @duskholland - masterlist

let me tell you. as obvious by the last rec I am a soulmate fic fiend, and this one is one of my all time favorites. the idea of seeing color when you meet your soulmate isn’t a new one, but h did such a cool twist on it by telling the love story through each color discovered. it’s just so crazy good - please go read it, immediately.

~

to be continued

#ik I'm forgetting people because I read fics on here years ago that I just can't remember the names of :/ #peter parker x reader #peter parker fic #peter parker reader insert #spider-man x reader #spider-man fic #spiderman x reader #fic rec #fic recs #spider-man fic recs #peter parker fic recs

[twopoppies]

Hi! I hope it’s not too annoying of a request but I was wondering if you or your followers can think of any fics that are kinda inspiring academically, especially regarding British literature, if that makes sense? I just finished rereading Come As You Are and every time I read it, it motivates me to read more and practice my writing because I want to be more like Harry from that fic hahaha and I’m looking for more fics which evoke this feeling since I’m starting my masters in October and I need all the help I can get. Thank you so much! (I absolutely love your master post and its my go to couple times a week!)

Hi sweetheart. Hmmm... I just reblogged my Dark Academia fic rec, but other than that I think it would be fics where one or the other are writers/poets etc. Not all of these are heavy on the writing/poetry, but they're all great fics.

Make Your Words A Weapon by @helloamhere (E, 36K) I recently read this a second time and it’s even better than I remembered. I love everything this author writes. This one just really hit me hard for whatever reason. Maybe it’s the way they explore Louis’ anxiety and coping mechanisms and pain and the way he pushes people away and protects himself, but also wants someone to push back just a bit and love him despite all of that. And the way Harry is the perfect foil for all of it, while also feeling like a fully developed character himself. Yeah, it’s probably all of that. Plus soul marks! (Musician Harry/Music Journalist Louis)

Our Lives, Non Fiction by @indiaalphawhiskey (E, 114K) this is, quite literally, the best fic I’ve read in years. It’s so well written, clever, funny, emotional, and sexy. Its draw you in immediately and you’ll end up falling in love with these characters before you know it. Don’t miss this one. Harry and Louis are both authors.

An Invincible Summer by Brooklyn_Babylon / @twopoppies (E, 45K) this one is mine, I hope you like it:

Never content to stay in one place for long, a few months down south researching for his novel seemed like an idyllic, slow-paced summer to Louis. He wasn’t ready for the blistering heat, the backbreaking work of watermelon picking, or how stifling the attitudes in rural Georgia would feel. And he definitely hadn’t anticipated falling in love with the farmer’s son.

The summer of 1946 would turn out to be everything worth writing about. Farmer Harry / author Louis

Mine Would Be You by @crinkle-eyed-boo (E, 115K) Beautifully written, flawed characters and an emotionally engaging and ANGSTY plot. Super hot smut that made me cry like a fool. Banter, OT5 friendship, and the gritty realness of New York as a backdrop. Loved this one. Artist Harry / Author Louis

where your lips land by BriaMaria / @briannamarguerite (E, 12K) Ok, I’ve recommended this one a few times and I really do love it. Anyway, I love fics where the two of them are both artists of some sort (Louis is a poet in this one, Harry is a photographer) because it allows for another layer of understanding and connection and support. I particularly love the way Louis’ tattoos are woven into this story with layered meaning. And, as always, just beautiful writing.

you’re writing lines about me by snazzyasalways (T, 4K) This is gorgeously written on that Dreamy, poetic style I happen to love. Louis is a blind poet, Harry is a baker, Harry falls in love with Louis’ words, then with him.

another hazy may by deLILah (M, 41K) Another author who writes great fic after great fic. This one has that dreamy quality I love and there’s also something about it that, at times, reminds me of a little bit of a Raymond Chandler novel. I know that’s weird...but, yeah, it does. Anyway, I love this one. Such a good read.

I would name the stars for you (I would take you there) by orphan_account (M, 91K) This is just beautifully written. Angst. Mutual pining. Dumb boys. Beautiful descriptions of art and creativity and fame and beautiful poetry.

Little Technicolor Things by scary_crow (M, 72K) This is truly one of the most beautiful pieces of writing I have ever read and it is an absolutely travesty that it’s not being talked about every day. This fic is gorgeous and poetic and romantic and heartbreaking and an explosion of metaphoric images and everything I never knew I needed but now that I have it I want to read it over and over and over.

But If This Ends by nonsensedarling / @absoloutenonsense (E, 107K) This author referred to this fic as their “depressed vampire” fic while they were writing, and it is that. But it’s also a unique story with beautifully fleshed out characters, plot twists, and super hot smut. Go check it out! Vampire Harry / Writer Louis

24K Magic by @justalittlelouislove (E, 33K) FINALLY a category in which I can rec this author! I love everything they write, but this was the first one I’d read and it’s just great. Smooth dialogue, sexy smut, great description of character growth…just a really fun fic.

the best part of me (was always you) by @moonshinelouis-archive (E, 6K) Gorgeous writing. The descriptions of heartbreak and missing someone and still loving them were really well done. And I cried. Of course.

'Sup by MediaWhore (GA, 7K) Divorced, awkward Harry pining for silver fox Louis is a trope I never knew I needed, but I love it so much.

I Will Never Rust by stylez (E, 38K) I must have read this at least 5 years ago and I honestly don’t remember details, but my notes say “gorgeous, sad, sexy” so... I’m crossing my fingers that old me knew what she was talking about. It’s frat boy Harry so that could go either way. LOL! Student/Poet Harry.

Loyal Knight and True by rainbowninja167 / (E, 52K) Really original story, mystery and magic, great characterizations. All around a very good read!

Turning Page by purpledaisy (M, 68K) This author does a wonderful job with their characterizations which makes their fics such a pleasure to read. This one really has you rooting for curmudgeonly Louis and skittish/secretive Harry to figure their shit out and fall in love. If you like this one, make time to read this author’s fic, Walk That Mile – it’s one of my all time favorites. Sports journalist Louis.

Black with Autumn Rain by Whimsicule (T, 93K) This author is a favorite. If you like intense, creative stories, with complex characters and tight dialogue, you should read all of their fics. This one has the flavor of a Daphne du Maurier novel – dark, creepy, and moodily romantic. Plus a supernatural edge. It’s so good. Journalist Harry.

That Sounds Fake But Okay by dancingontheceiling (E, 113K) This one has a little bit of everything: Enemies to lovers, fake relationship, famous/not famous... plus, really good writing and some sexy smut scenes. Actor Louis / journalist Harry.

Sing When You're Winning by hazmesentir (NR, 91K) another one I read ages ago, but I always like this author’s writing and the premise of newly out footballer Louis and journalist intern Harry who somehow snags the interview, is such a fun one. And I don’t know why it has an NR rating, there’s plenty of smut.

feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream by togetherwecouldbealright (M, 123K) I read this one so, so long ago that all I remember is that I loved it, that there’s some really romantic and sweet moments, and that my notes from way back when only say, “OMG this one is so good! And I’ve barely gotten to the smut!” HAHAHAHA! Journalist Harry/prince Louis (this fic has been deleted, so the link is to a download).

#writers and poets #my fic rec #larry fic rec

[kiribaku-queen]

The Blood King and his Queen [1]

Pairing: Bakugou x reader

Romance, Angst, Drama

Word count: 2.4K

Summary:  From being a mere servant girl to marrying the scariest prince in existence, your world changed right before your eyes. Exchanging places with the princess, you knew, wasn’t going to be easy. But could you have found love on the way? Or was it never meant to be?

A/N: Hello my loves! And welcome back to another, rather long, series! I had so many inspirations for this piece that I couldn’t wait to share with you all! Be warned, this might be a 20 part series, maybe more maybe less but we’ll see what happens! I hope you fall in love with this story as much as I do!

And shout out to this amazing artist for the art! I am literally BLOWN AWAY by this art! I can’t stop looking at it! It’s so amazingly well drawn. Just... yes, yes, yes! Please support this artist if you ever want art done! Pricey but just look at this art. So worth it! Check out the end of the chapter for the full image without text!

Also!!!! Check out my side blog if you’re curious about what fics I’m reading! You’ll find alot of j u i c y stuff and please support my friends by reading and commenting on their stories as well! Love <3

                                                                                                         [next]

Nothing started your morning off better than the princess screaming her head off first thing in the morning. You, along with other servants, rushed to aid the princess in her time of distress. Although, it was never something to worry about with her. It was always something minor, like her hair was styled incorrectly or she didn’t like the color of clothes her servant picked out. Of course, this time, she was making a fuss that her perfume didn’t smell right.

“Your highness, I promise you, it’s the same one,” one of the servants who aided her in the morning pleaded for her life.

“No! You must have switched it out because it smells nothing like mine!” the princess screeched. The princess was so outraged that she started throwing everything and anything that was around her. Clothes, jewelry, candles, mirrors, anything she could get her hands on, she threw it. You and the other girls that just arrived could only watch in horror as her whole room becomes a mess with her belongings, some broken some completely shattered.

You wanted to say something. But you knew you couldn’t. If you stepped out of line or even talked back to any of the royals, you were surely to be punished severely later. Yet, you wanted to say something so bad. It was on the tip of your tongue. Because you knew the reason why it may smell different to the princess. To help your fellow friend in desperate need, you were going to say it. You pray to the gods that what you were about to say was right.

“Princess, if I may,” you started. The princess stopped what she was doing, midair, to give you the coldest stare you have ever received from her. You gulped. Well, too late to back out now. You bowed down your head respectfully while extending your hand to take the perfume. You don’t know why the princess decided to trust you at that moment, but she did. She nodded her head, allowing one of the servants to retrieve the bottle and place it in the palm of your hands.

“I believe it’s because your clothes already have a different perfume on it.” you explain. You pick up a different piece of clothing, one you knew was clean and free from previous scents, and spritzed the perfume onto it. “Here, does this smell like normal?” you offer the piece of clothing to the princess. For a moment, she stares at it, not believing your words. But she forcibly takes it anyway and smells it. The look of realization hit her harder than when she smashed her mirror against the floor. She spares you a second glance before handing off her perfume to someone and faces away.

“I would like to be left alone,” the princess states. After a synchronized bow from all her servants, you left the princess’s quarters and back to your own. When you were far enough, you let out a big sigh of relief. Man, that was scary. You probably shouldn’t be doing that again any time soon. Your friend hooked arms with you, the unexpected force made you loose your balance.

“Your intuition was spot on, once again,” she stated. You could only roll your eyes.

“I was just trying to help the situation,” you explained.

“Yeah, well if only the princess could use her brain once in a while, then she would have figured it out herself,” your friend puffed out her cheeks in annoyance.

“Well maybe her highness wasn’t feeling herself this morning,” you tried to defend her. But really, there was only so much you could defend her on.

“Oh, please, (y/n). You know that’s how she acts all the time. You act more like a princess than the princess herself,” your friend finally let the cat out of the bag. You quickly slapped her hand and checked your surroundings. Phew, no one of importance was in sight.

“Oh hush now. Don’t say things like that,” you scold her, giving her a stern look.

“What? You know all us girls think that. It doesn’t help that you look almost exactly like her. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought you were the princess instead.”

“Good gracious! Really? How could you say that so loud? What if someone overhears you? Then both you and me could get in trouble,” you warned. You knew your friend couldn’t care less. It was always gossip coming out of these girl’s mouths. That’s how news spreads fast around here. And you didn’t mind the gossip. Actually, you participated in the gossip too. There was a lot of downtime when you weren’t attending to the princess. So what do you do instead? Gossip. But you couldn’t have this type of gossip going around. This was dangerous.

The main girl who caused the princess to get upset, finally left the room. She was visibly traumatized by the whole event. Who wouldn’t be? Dealing with the princess is something else.

You noticed that the girl was bleeding from her finger. She must have gotten it when the princess was throwing glass around the room and it some pieces cut her.

“Come with me,” you gently grabbed her by the arm and led her to a room that was filled with different plants and bottles. The aroma immediately felt welcoming to anyone who stepped in. You went to a part of the room that you knew well and pulled out a bandage.

“This should do the trick,” you say as you finish wrapping her finger up.

“Thank you. How did you…”

“Oh, I learned a few things from the royal doctor. Sort of like an apprentice?” you explained. Being a servant isn’t the only task you knew how to do. On your spare time, you would come to the royal doctor and assist him whenever needed. In return for your volunteer, he taught you everything he knew about medicine. It was still a lot to process, but at least you knew how to do basic first aid.

“Are you even allowed to do that?” the girl asked. You thought for a minute. Was it? It wasn’t stopping you now.

“Well I guess it’s our little secret,” you put your finger to your mouth and gave a small wink.

After properly getting ready, you and the girls rushed to the princess’s side for it was your job to get her ready to be sent of and wedded. And she was not getting wedded off to just any prince. It was the rumored Blood Prince. Ah, yes. You heard much about this Blood Prince. He was the most vicious out of all the princes in the kingdom. Even more so than his eldest brothers. He was rumored to have sharp teeth and eyes that could kill with a single look. He was told to have scars marked all over his body from the battlefield. An ugly being, you imagined. Big, scary, intimidating, ruthless. God, you felt sorry for the princess for marrying such a man. You couldn’t imagine yourself marrying that type of person. Hearing stories about him made your blood run cold and chills down your spine.

You entered the princess’s room where a beautiful, white wedding dress, flowy, magnificent and perfect in all the right ways, was being fitted on the princess. You watched in awe because she looked absolutely fantastical in the dress. What a dream it would to be wear that dress only once in your life. At the same time her dress was being fitted, some servants were doing her hair and putting decorative pins and head pieces on. It was very chaotic in the room, with servants running everywhere, but it was all worth it for the princess to look this way.

You were preparing water for her hands and feet to soak while some of the girls that came with you were deciding which robe that best fits with her wardrobe.

“Your highness looks so lovely,” you commented, gently soaking her hands into warm bowls of water.

“Of course! I have to look my best for a special guest this afternoon,” the princess said in a cheery voice. You tilted your head slightly in confusion. You weren’t aware that the Blood Prince was coming to the palace. You thought the princess was being sent to him instead. You looked up and came into contact with a friend and she was speaking with her eyes.

She doesn’t know. She signaled to you. You frowned.

She doesn’t know?

She does not know.

Your mouth was left slightly ajar. The princess does not know that she is off to be engaged any moment now? This was a dilemma. She thinks a guest is coming. That’s why she’s dressed so much fancier than usual. But when she finds out that she is to be engaged, she’s going to wreck havoc in the palace. Now you really didn’t dare say anything now.

After finding out that very important piece of information, you could see that all the girls in the room knew, besides the princess. The tension in the room was growing increasingly more uncomfortable as time went on. But the princess was so air headed that she couldn’t read the room.

The princess was over the moon with happiness. And it was only because she could wear her fancy and expensive gowns that she can’t wear on the daily. She was skipping down the long corridors, humming a tune to only she knows as you and other servants follow behind her.

“Isn’t this dress beautiful? I feel like I’m in a wedding dress!” the princess exclaimed. You couldn’t help but raise a brow. Well, it’s because the princess is really in a wedding dress. But the princess did look beautiful beyond compare. She almost looked ethereal dancing in front of you like that. As the princess was dancing down the corridor, she passed by one of many large windows that gave a view of the front of the palace. A carriage was waiting to take her away to her fiancé, but she didn’t know that. Or did she?

She stopped in her tracks to take a better look at the carriage outside. A frown laid upon her lips and her eyebrows rightfully furrowed.

“Is that my carriage down there?” she questions. The ladies around you looked at each other, not knowing what to say. But even if they did know what to say, who was going to say it? One of your friends cleared their throat and bowed down to respond to the princess.

“It is, your highness,” she said.

“Whatever for?” a round of gulps could be heard from everyone there.

“For…your trip to your betrothed,” the girl’s voice shook from fear that the princess was going to blow up.

“My betrothed?” the princess repeated.

“Yes, your highness.”

“As in, to marry?”

“Yes, your highness.”

It was quiet. Nothing more came out of the princess’s mouth. And that scared all of you. This was not the normal reaction you were expecting. You expected her highness to rage, cry, scream, yell, destroy everything around her. But no. She was silent, like her tongue was ripped out of her throat.

In one quick movement, the princess turns around and dashes back to her bedroom. And who does she bring along? You! Before you could comprehend anything, the princess had taken you by the hand and now you were running down the corridor with the princess. The other ladies were running after you. When you turned back to look, you even saw a couple of guards running as well. But it was too late for them. The princess got to her room first, slammed the door closed, and barricaded the door with chairs to prevent anyone from coming inside.

“Your highness,” you call, out of breath from the sudden running. The princess didn’t answer you. She started taking off her dress, sending you into complete shock.

“Your highness! What are you doing?” you panicked. She only glared at you while not stopping what she was doing.

“Enough talking. Just take off your clothes,” she ordered you. You bit your lip. You had no idea what was going on but if she demanded it, then you had no choice but to obey. So, you stripped yourself of your filthy clothes and laid them on the floor. While you stood in front of the princess naked, she was getting the remaining of her clothes off. Then, she passed you her dress.

“Quick, put it on,” she said. You hesitated at first. You? Wear something only a princess could wear? But you couldn’t stall any longer. As quickly as you could, you put on the flowy wedding dress while the princess put on your peasant clothes. Banging was coming from the other side of the door, which only made both of you panic even more. If they came in while all this was happening, you would get into so much trouble. As soon as you both got situated in your new outfits, the princess gripped your shoulders so that you were looking her right in the eyes.

“Listen to me closely. You are going to take my place. I’ll be you and you’ll be me until you come back,” she shouted at you in a whisper.

“Your highness?” you began but she shut you up because she wasn’t finished.

“Your mission is to make this prince hate you so much that he calls off this marriage. Then you’ll return and everything will go back to normal,” she continued. It looked like she wanted to say more, but your time together was cut short. The guards had already pushed their way through the door and charging their way towards you. The princess, who was now dressed as you, quickly covered your face with the veil. The veil was thick enough that no one could see your eyes or face.

“Take the princess,” one of the guards ordered. The real princess bowed her head down, faking it until the end. The guards went straight up to you, grabbing you by both of your arms and forcibly escorted you out to the carriage.

And so there you were, on your way to some unknown kingdom, about to marry some man you didn’t even know. All because the princess ordered you to. No matter how much you hated the idea, you couldn’t even voice your opinions to her. You were in no position to do so. Before you left the palace grounds, you looked back, hoping that this was all some sort of sick joke. But the princess was looking down at you from the window, giving you a nod of trust. She trusted you. You had to fulfil her request.

This is how you found yourself in the presence of the most vicious Blood Prince, Bakugou Katsuki.

A/N: Let me know if you want to be put on a tag list! And leave your thoughts below about the first chapter! What did you think so far? How do you think the story is going to go? What did you think about the art? Speaking of art, here is the full image unedited! Are you in love with it just as much as I am?

#bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou #bakugou #bnha bakugou #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bakugou imagine #bnha imagine #bnha art #bakugou angst

[pinkfadespirit]

Creators have been revealed for the @dasmutquisition exchange so I want to share the fantastic gifts I received here and say thank you to the creators. 

(Everything below is rated Explicit, so heads up just in case you need to be careful where you open it, particularly with the art links)

Chemistry is you touching my mind and setting my body aflame by @factorykat

An Anders/Male Hawke/Karl Thekla fic that was written as a follow up to We Deserve A Soft Epilogue, where Karl is alive after the events of DA2 and meets up with Anders and Hawke at Skyhold. I love this ship because it’s like taking my two favourite pairings and smushing them together. What could be better? It made me feel so warm and happy inside to see Karl getting all the love and happiness he deserves 🥰 Thank you so much for continuing this wonderful story for me, Kat. I really loved where you went with it!

Rooted by @midnightprelude and @oftachancer

I had a feeling this one was by both of you! The way you write together is so beautiful, it was such a joy to read. Thank you both for gifting us Kanders fans with such gorgeous garden smut. It was good to see Anders and Karl enjoying the outdoors together hehe! 

Garrett and Anders Do It In The Hanged Man (Artwork) by @hollyand-writes

Still not over the sneakiness of you gifting this treat to yourself so no one would suspect you 😂 I had no idea! I was hoping to see some Handers art from you someday and this was such a good way of surprising us all with it! Thank you, I love it! Everyone who wants to see Anders and Hawke shamelessly going at it in The Hanged Man should absolutely go and check out this lovely artwork!

Now for my own works... and since I’ve been very slow about replying to comments lately, I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who commented and left kudos. I had a lot of self-doubt when posting all of these and was amazed by the response to everything I shared.Thank you all so much!

Marked for @sorrowfuldread

An Anders/Male Hawke fic with bloodplay and Anders in lingerie. I think that about sums it up really, not much in the way of plot here 😅

Leave the Boots On for Celeme

Some very spicy Bethany/Isabela art.  

Tumbling in the Wildflowers for @midnightprelude

Anders/Dorian art, loosely inspired by Middy and oftachancer’s wonderful fic, Underneath the Bough 

no feeling in the world like it for @greyduckgreygoose

Isabela/Merrill art. Just because I figured you could never have too much smutty Merribela art 

And don’t forget to check out the rest of the collection. There’s a lot of really great fic and art. One last thank you to the mods for organising the event. It was a lot of fun to take part in!

#dasmutquisition #smutquisition exchange #lemon #fic rec #handers #kanders #dorianders #merribela #dragon age fanfic

[veilder]

Hi! Would you happen to have Convin or Reed900 fics to recommend?

Oh, hello! I can definitely help you with Convin fic recs at least, lol! Reed900, not so much, but there are plenty of blogs around that you could ask for that ship. ^_^ But yeah, I’ll try to categorize these as best I can! And give a little summary, too! :D

Longfics 75k+ (Complete)

1. Mission: Unexpected by J11nxed (@j11nxed) Rated E (violence, sexual content, language, abuse): Super great casefic with lots of amazing character development. Very funny. Probably my favorite characterization of Connor and Gavin, lol. The fic I read when I’m feeling down. ^_^

2. Golden by jarpad (@embaggins on Twitter) Rated M (dark themes, mature content, allusions to self-harm/suicide, mental health issues, language): An absolutely beautiful story of healing and overcoming your demons handled in a very respectful manner. The subject matter is very thought provoking and it brought me to tears, both cathartic and not, more than once. It’s a heavy story, but... So worth it, imo.

3. like roses, death blooms by alekszova (@ewates) Rated M (violence, rape, torture, abuse, mental health issues): A very, very dark revenge fic. Definitely the darkest one on this list. If you like heavy angst, this might be for you, though please heed the tags. A lot of this story is about the aftermath of horrific events but there are still some very brutal scenes.

Mid-length fics 20k-75k (Complete)

1. Running Uphill by NHMoonshadow (@sharysisnhmoonshadow) Rated M (violence, peril, language): The ultimate time travel soulmate AU fic imo. Absolutely top tier Gavin characterization and development. Rich backstories and relationships. Definitely some trauma, omg. But ultimately, a happy ending. Definitely a must-read for any Convin fan imo.

2. Traces by berryblonde (@berry--blonde) Rated M (language, peril, minor suicidal ideation): One of the first long fics I ever read for this ship and still one of my faves. Excellent casefic setup, very interesting premise and some very dynamic characters. Also, really A+ backstory for Gavin. This is basically a classic for anyone who wasn’t around in the early days of fandom. Highly recommend!

3. His Robin by wolfetz Rated T (drama, language): Absolutely fantastic coming of age story set in a human!AU world. Really great character work for both Connor and Gavin and their relationship through the years. Love this one.

4. A Scratched CD/A Faulty Code by consecrated Rated T (mental health issues, language): Companion pieces told from Gavin and Connor’s POVs respectively. These were also very early fics I read when I was first getting into the fandom and I love them both dearly. The characterization here went a long way towards me loving the ship to begin with. A great intro to Convin.

5. That Boy is a Powder Keg by QueenHarleyQuinn Not Rated (language, violence, mature content, mental health issues): One of the most realistic takes on Gavin going from his canon asshole self to someone who could feasibly be in a relationship with Connor. I’m definitely due to re-read this cuz I can’t quite remember the details anymore, but I know I really enjoyed this at the time. Good for anyone who likes a more antagonistic take on him.

Shortfics/Oneshots (~20k)

1.  Sedum Spathulifolium by Burrahobbit Rated T (language): This fic... is so dang sweet. I’ve read it so many times. It’s absolutely adorable, what can I say? Love their dynamic here. ^_^

2. Always know that you are not alone by Liveinelf Rated T (language, drama): Another fantastic take on Gavin and his growth as a character. He starts off very close to canon here and is one mean asshole. But this fic does a great job of explaining why he acts as he does. And how he changes. Highly recommend.

3. Some things never change by berryblonde Rated T (language): An absolutely hilarious fic, lol. The view of Convin through the eyes of some rookie trainees, omg. It makes me laugh so much. XD

4. Mankind Needs More Empathy by BrightestStarInTheSky  (@brighteststarinthesky) Rated T (language, drama): Some good old-fashioned Gavin-getting-his-head-out-of-his-ass, lol. I love fics like this. Need a good basis to start a relationship, after all. Apologies are in order. ^_^

5. as i see them by rekal Rated T (language, drama): Same as the previous entry, this one deals with Gavin’s character growth and how he and Connor grow closer in the aftermath. It’s lovely.

6. Sweet/Wise men say... by 99MillionMiles (@99millionmilesaway) Not Rated: Two short, sweet fluff pieces that absolutely delight me every time I reread them. And as a bonus, some beautiful art by @deep-in-mind67, too!

7. Melted Phoenix by Astrapod Rated M (violence, trauma, mental health issues, mutilation, peril): This one... This is a heavy fic. It starts off with a very harrowing description of android violence that might be too much for some folks to handle. Proceed with caution. But, if you can weather that, this is an absolutely beautiful fic about love and healing. Definitely recommend.

8. So Pathetic and So Lovely by alekszova Rated M (language, drama, mental health issues, mature themes): I think the fic’s description speaks for itself here: “ Neither Gavin or Connor think they are capable of being loved by the other, but that doesn't mean it's true.” Definitely worth a read.

9. An unexpected turn of events by Smokey310 Rated T (language): This one is freakin hilarious. Connor and Gavin and a night out at the club, omg. I love this fic to death. XD

10. As Do I by berryblonde Rated T (drama): A human!AU where your soulmate can feel the injuries of their other half. It’s the story of a lifetime together. All the way til the end.

11. because the bed’s warm and it’s cold out by voidpants (@voidpants) Rated G (no warnings): Connor and Gavin being old men together. It’s beautiful. Such a lovely take on the two of them.

Unfinished Fics/Honorable Mentions

1. Spinning Yellow by sheepishwolfy (@sheepishwolfy) Rated E (violence, language, mature themes): Amazing casefic with top-tier characterization. What’s written of it is still amazing, even if it’s not complete.

2. Amidst a Crash of Worlds by fireplanetz Rated T (violence, mature themes, war, language): A fic told entirely through letters between Connor and Gavin in the aftermath of the bad ending of the game. It’s such an awesome idea and it’s executed so well. Definitely recommend. 

3. The Bet by Pence Rated T (language): Brooklyn 99-inspired DPD shenanigans. Need I say more? It’s so funny and I love the characterization of Connor and Gavin. Mostly finished, too! Just the final chapter missing!

4. Wicked by MercuryPilgrim Rated M (language, mature content): I love this one. It’s such a unique take on Connor and Gavin and it works so well, too. They are delightful here. Love the dynamic!

5. (can’t say) i don’t love you by Chibbers (@teh-chibi) Rated M (language, drama, sexual content): An angsty hanahaki!AU fic where these two idiots don’t realize they’re in love with each other. Really great writing here. Very emotional. Made me feel a lot.

And I guess I should mention that I have fics of my own, too, about half of which are Convin? You can check them out on my AO3 here! ^_^

So yeah, there we go. Those are really all I can think of off the top of my head. I know I missed some amazing works, too, alas. But at least this can give you a good start, yeah? Hope this helps @pancrystal! And thanks again for the ask! :D (Also, if I messed up any of the link or if there’re any glaring typos, lemme know. This was a lot of janky, Tumblr formatting, omg. >_<)

#dbh #fanfic #fic recs #convin #connor #rk800 #gavin reed #reed800 #gavcon #please feel free to add any onto this in the comments! #I definitely know I missed some! #and also add your URL if you like since I didn't know everybody's lol! XD #pancrystal

[inu-mothership]

Inu-Mothership Spotlight Saturday: KogKag!

Hello everyone! The mods at @inu-mothership are back with a new list of fic recs for you! For today’s list, our members elected to compile recommendations that feature our favorite wolf demon and miko: Koga and Kagome!

For more fic recs, check out the KogKag collection on Ao3!

If you have more recs to share, please do so in the comments! And to apply to the @inu-mothership Discord server, click here!

In alphabetical order; be sure to check out all the stories from these incredible writers!

[Redacted] -- @maddieson-san (E; in progress)

There are so many wonderful Madison stories to choose from, but this one stands out for its portrayals of Kōga and Kagome. He’s brash and sexy (like, holy hell, YES), she’s sassy, they’re both powerful, AND they’re super into each other. This story is all kinds of exciting.

First Kiss -- @thehattertheory (E, complete)

Are you looking for a camming story that’s also incredible BDSM? You’ve come to the right place. Kōga and Kagome are cam stars who people think should get together, and when they do...sparks fly. This is a story not to miss. 

Five Steps to Romance -- @cryysiswritesthings (G, complete)

Meet-cute in a medical center, with an injured Kōga flirting with his nurse, Kagome. Lots of fun banter and a pining Kōga make for a fluffy one-shot.

Full Moon Cackles -- @neutronstarchild (E; complete)

Kōga is a werewolf. Kagome is a witch. They’ve been dating, and each has been keeping the secret from the other. Until the truth comes out, and then, all the things come out 😉 A fun, funny, and sexy two-partner from one of our favorite multi-ship writers!

Hot and Bothered -- @commandercrouton (E; complete)

A phenomenal ABO story where Kagome is going through heat, and she needs an alpha to help her out. Cue the sexiest wolf demon alpha she can think of; it also has one of Fawnie’s favorite lines ever in a fic.

Inked -- @pointyobjects (E, complete)

Kagome is a tattoo artist, and Kōga owns the flower shop across the street. She’s totally not just going there for inspiration for her art, and he’s totally not just giving her flowers that are leftovers. Oh my goodness, this story is absolutely adorable.

The Ookami and the Miko (series) -- Monophobian/ @nikkxb (E for both stories; Gambling Interference is complete; Defensive Interference is in progress)

It was hard to choose just one story by Monophobian, so you are getting a series! Sango convinces Kagome to wear a cute bikini, Kōga goes gaga, and then cue lots of sexy banter and romance. 

Quod Si Amor Vincit Omnia -- LyraInTheDark (NR, in progress)

A retelling where Ginta, Hakkaku, and Kōga find an injured Kagome, and pieces of the Shikon jewel, and Kōga cannot help but be drawn to this mysterious, beautiful woman who seems out of time. 

Reborn -- Discord1 (T; complete)

Canon-divergent where after a daring rescue, Kōga and Kagome have amnesia, and can only remember that they know each other...somehow. But when confronted with villagers who are angry about them sharing a bed when they are unmarried, Kagome tells a white lie that protects both her and Kōga. And brings them closer together.

A Whisper to the Wind -- riesling (M; complete)

When Inuyasha breaks things off with Kagome on their wedding day, she tries to do the unthinkable, only to be rescued by the man whose heart has always belonged to her, and who, deep down, she loves, with all her heart. But when Kagome falls ill, Kōga has a decision to make -- one that changes everything for them. So. Much. Angst.

Windswept -- El Reino (K; complete)

Kagome and Kōga meet again after years apart. While Kōga is ecstatic to see her, he has a secret that he hesitates to reveal. A story with some really interesting and clever twists!

Wintering with Wolves -- @wulfintheforest (E, complete)

Post-canon divergence where Kagome is forced to spend the winter with Kōga’s pack, and Kōga finally gets to make his move, and Kagome finally gets to enjoy Kōga’s attentions. Fun and spicy!

The Wolf and the Miko -- Ookamifemale001 (T; complete)

A fun Feudal AU with lots of action and adventure! When Kōga hears that there is a mysterious force protecting the tribes of the North from the Birds of Paradise, while his own Eastern tribe is being decimated. He vows to find that power, and bring it back to his own lands. He just didn’t think that it would be a feisty priestess named Kagome.

#inu-mothership #spotlight saturday #kogkag #koga x kagome #kogkago #give us your ships #all the ships #fic recs #fic rec lists

[fly-you-dam-fools]

Not Today

musicmajor!jung hoseok x writingmajor!reader

Genre: Soulmate AU (first words, and as you meet your soulmate they slowly fade away to be replaced with the words they say that are your favorite), College AU, a pinch Fluff, Y/N being kinda rude at first but mostly because she’s annoyed with her soulmate predicament, Y/N being 100% kinda oblivious

Type: Twoshot (because I can’t satisfy myself with just one)

Summary: Everyone else’s hands have been graced with beautiful sayings they are bound to hear from their soulmate’s lips, but yours just says simple, simple, hello.

A/N: First Soulmate fic! (of many to come) Inspired by @alpacaparkaseok ‘s Book of Soulmates that is totally awesome and you should 100% check out! Also inspired by an old Fred Weasley Fic I once read but can’t find… Anyways hope you enjoy!

F/N stands for “Friend Name”

Masterlist - BTS Masterlist

❃〰∿✵⚘☾☽

Hello

Those were the words that graced your wrist. A flash of letters with every hand wash, a show of words with every handshake. Plain. Simple. Hello.

You absolutely hated it. It wasn’t fair for others to have such elaborate and beautiful stories on their wrists, while you had, well, this! If only the words weren’t the most simple words of conversation history, you would have some sort of lead of who your soulmate was. Curse him for being so formal.

So that was your life. Every greeting, every introduction was left with the heart wrenching pain of wondering if that person was your soulmate. You were sure to reply, something elaborate, something different. Something definitely distinguishable from a normal hello.

But no, their eyes never lit up with joy. They never pulled you into a hug and whispered “I found you.”

You were met with scrutiny, with doubt, with confused faces.

So you stopped.

But it didn’t stop you from wondering.

“Hello.”

You flinched, watching as your professor addressed the class. Years yet you still weren’t used to it. You swallowed your worries and tried to focus. After all, this was the first class of the semester.

“I am Professor Kim, and I will teach you the art of  literature this semester. My office hours are from 3 PM to 5 PM, if you have any questions feel free to come in during that time. Now, you, you there in the brown sweater, come here.” Your gaze followed his pointed finger to another student in the front row. The boys seated around him laughed and pushed him forward while he rolled his eyes and stood up. 

“Yes Professor?” he spoke, stretching his leg slightly forward.

“I would like you to pass these to everyone in the class, the syllabus. It includes all the books you will need to read for this semester, as well as a guideline to what we will be working on.” he gestured for him to come forward and take the papers. He took them gladly, quickly walking through the aisles and distributing the papers. He was quick and efficient, you barely got a good look at him when he set the paper on your desk before he zoomed off to another row. 

When the class settled and the not-so-volunteer had sat down as well, you fixed your gaze back on the chalkboard. You went along with the lecture and took diligent notes, but you found your gaze wandering to the boys in the front row. They were taking notes as well, but apparently not of the class. Day one and already goofing off? You squinted to get a closer look. The lines on their pages became clearer- wait. Were those music staffs? 

Sure enough, their pages were dotted with notes, what looked like rests, and repeats. 

Music majors You thought to yourself, keeping the information stowed for later. 

Class passed quickly enough because soon the bell was ringing and the scramble of pages and clothing vibrated through the lecture hall. Homework was assigned and groans were spread. In college but still acting like High Schoolers. You finished off your notes and closed your notebook, sliding your things into your waiting and open backpack. Without another thought you left the classroom, unaware of the stare that followed you out the door.

❃〰∿✵⚘☾☽

You groaned, leaning back and letting your head rest on the back of the library chair. Your slouched position gave you a view of another student a few seats away, wearing a  familiar brown sweater. The not-so-volunteer. You leaned back more, only for a loud screech to echo through the library as you slammed onto the floor.

“Oh my god!” you heard a voice in front of you gasping. You hissed, placing a hand at your back and standing up. You held your hand out to signal you were fine to all who cared, still wincing at the pain. You held eye-contact with the not-so-volunteer for a second before your friend, the one who sat opposite of you, spoke up again.

“Are you ok?” she leaned over the desk, trying to gauge the situation.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” you answered, resuming your original position. Your friend nodded slowly, her eyes going to look at the surrounding students.

“Hoseok seems to be interested in you.” she stated suddenly.

“So your friend fell out of a chair and claims to be okay but clearly isn’t, and you move on? Wow, what a nice look for you.” you spoke sarcastically. “If you had wanted to start the conversation with that then why didn’t you?” She shrugged, unfazed by your direct words. 

“So are you gonna talk to him?” she asked. You sighed, closing your book and looking her in the eye.

“It's the second semester. It hasn’t even been the first day. No, I’m not. Plus, I don’t even know who you’re talking about.” A sinister smile creeped onto her face. Your eyes widened.

“No. Ohh no. Haha, no. Stop that. Whatever thing is clicking in your mind, stop. I’m not interested.”

“Yet.” she whispered, trying to hold back her laughter at your pleas for her to stop. “He’s the guy that got called on in Lit. Quite nice as well.” You rolled your eyes, grabbing your books and shoving them in your bag. 

“I’ll be at the campus coffee shop. Don’t do anything weird.” you slung your bag over your shoulder, stuck your tongue out at your friend, and left. You pushed the library doors open into the fresh air, relishing the cool temperature. As you crossed campus to get to the coffee shop, your mind clouded with all the possible scenarios your friend could be plotting. You sighed, reaching the coffee shop and hearing the tiny bell at the door. 

“Hello, what may I get you?” the person at the cashier asked. Your eyes squinted the tiniest bit.

“Just a normal coffee.” The cashier nodded, no change in behavior. You paid and went to the counter to wait. The bell jingled again. You lifted your head-

Hoseok had entered.

You rolled your eyes. You mentally drafted a good lecture in your head you would tell your friend once you saw her again. He went to order, ordering a complicated drink you haven’t heard of before. As he was told to wait, his eyes met yours again. He approached you, a small smile on his face.

“Hello-”

“Nope. Uh-uh. Not today. I do not have time to contemplate whether you are my soulmate or not, so just go away.” you spoke rudely, brushing past him to get your coffee.

“I didn’t say anything-”

“Did my friend send you? Ugh. Tell her that she better be ready for a scolding once I get back to our dorm.” You rushed out of the coffee shop, noticing that Hoseok had followed you outside.

“I just wanted to say hi.” he said, clearing his throat. You stopped walking and sighed. But you didn’t, did you? You said hello. You wanted to say. But you didn’t want to be ruder than you already were.

“Aish, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I-I’m Y/N. You’re Hoseok I presume?” you rubbed your temple, gesturing back to the coffee shop. He nodded, one of his eyebrows tilted upwards. “Certainly not a reply I hear everyday. But it’s ok. I understand having annoying friends.”

“Ugh. Thank you. She drives me crazy. I’m normally not rude like this.” you sighed.

You followed him back inside where he retrieved his coffee, and plopped into one of the chairs. He sat opposite of you, sipping his coffee tentatively.

“So-” you both said, both of your eyebrows shooting up at the interjections.

“No, you go first.” he said, leaning back in his chair. “You seem to say some pretty interesting stuff.” he joked. 

“You’re a music major?” you asked, putting your coffee down. He titled his head, leaning forward. 

“How did you know? You spying on me?”

“Being called on in a class of fifty students is pretty eye-catching. I saw you and your friends writing music in class.”

“Yoongi,” he muttered, a crease appearing on his forehead. “He had a piece due tomorrow that was assigned during the summer. He dragged me and Namjoon into it.” he explained. He didn’t have to, but you liked knowing things. So you nodded, intrigued.

“So what are you doing in literature class?”

“Thought hidden meanings in words would help with writing music and lyrics.” he answered simply.

“Makes sense.” you replied, taking another sip of your coffee.

“Yeah?” he smiled. Your eyes caught on the way his mouth made a heart shape as he smiled, his dimples showing up on the sides. It seems you found what made him click.

“It’s rare to find someone who’s so passionate about what they’re doing anymore.” you stated, watching as he nodded along.

“What’s your major?” he asked back.

“Well I’m in Literature class aren’t I? Creative Fictional Writing.”

“Oooh budding author.” he exaggerated playfully, laughing at his own words. You smiled, watching as the heart-shaped smile appeared again.

“I’d hope so. I have so many ideas, and I want to write them all.”

“What kinds of ideas?”

“You’d have to wait until the books are published.” you smirked. 

“No compensation for the handsome stranger?”

“No.” you laughed, hiding your smile behind your hand. Were you, were you blushing? What were you even doing, sitting at a coffee shop with a supposed stranger, after you said you weren’t interested in meeting him? But you didn’t feel compelled to leave. The tension was no longer awkward and you were eager to learn more about him. The minutes went by, and you learned he was a passionate dancer, loved helping others, and basically the most dedicated music major in the school. He learned that you had struggled with finding ways to express your ideas, but eventually fell in love with writing. Soon enough the sun was near the horizon and the afternoon was over. You checked your watch, it was almost 6 PM. You always went back to the dorm at 6. You stood, and he followed suit, still engaged in your conversations.

“Look, I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot today. You’re very kind and I shouldn’t have treated you that way, or assumed my friend did something weird.”

“Apology accepted.” he laughed. “Though I thought I made it clear it was fine, since I just spent the whole afternoon with you.”

“Makes sense.” you smiled. “Um, see you in class I guess.”

“Mhm.” he replied, discarding his coffee cup and sticking his hands in his pocket. You watched the wind lift the edge of his long coat ever so slightly as he walked away. And you wondered. 

Could he have been your soulmate?

❃〰∿✵⚘☾☽

“You hypocrite.” your friend jabbed a finger at your side, causing you to yelp. You swatted her hand away, rolling your eyes.

“So you really didn’t send him my way?”

“No, but he seemed to have overheard our conversation. I mean. You were quite loud.”

“So you say.”

“He saw you leave the library, and after a few seconds he left as well. No foul play.” she held her hands up in defence. 

“Fine. You’re off the hook for now.”

“So what did he first say to you?”

“F/N!” you exclaimed, widening your eyes. “What kind of question is that?” She shrugged innocently, playing with her sleeve to reveal her soulmate’s first words to her. 

It seems like a quiet day for sunshine isn’t it?

Casual. Distinct. Meaningful. 

You scoffed, glancing at yours.

“If you must know, he said Hello. Like any other person in the universe.”

“And what did you say?”

“I don’t remember, other than I was being terribly rude. I thought you had sent him or something.” you sighed, regretting your choice of words.

“That was your own fault.” she teased, sticking her tongue out at you. You responded with another eye roll. “His eyes didn’t light up? Yell that you were his soulmate?”

“Sorry to disappoint, no, that didn’t happen.” you fell back against your mattress. “Now let me sleep. Day two of Semester two is about to begin.”

“Dramatic.” she retorted, turning off your lamp. “Night Y/N.” You nodded in reply. Your eyelids drooped in your tired state. Your last train of thought was the same.

Could he be your soulmate?

❃〰∿✵⚘☾☽

It was about a month into semester two and you were surrounded by your studies. It was edging towards the biggest test of the semester so far, and you were determined to get a good mark. Not only that, but you wanted to get into that special opportunity, a meet and greet with writing agents that could help get your stories published. You were eager to win. 

You hadn’t seen Hoseok outside of class since that first coffee shop encounter, but you saw him looking back at you multiple times during class. Sometimes with a wink. You didn’t know what that meant, only frazzled by it. How were you supposed to reply? So you always smiled back. A good genuine, non flirtatious smile. He wasn’t frazzled however. Later during group discussions he would always make sure to run to your table first to pick partners, leaving F/N to wink at you and laugh before she left to find her own partner. This led to lively discussion in music, literature, how his new choreography was doing, how your new chapter was going. Usually never on class topics. But that didn’t stop you from getting a good grade. 

You had just stepped into the bathroom to wash your hands after you had finished eating. You took a casual glance at the words on your hands- words? You turned off the water, quickly grabbing a paper towel to dry your hand and inspect the new words. 

That story isn’t going to write itself love. I’ll help you.

Hello was gone. The new words were still faint, like they had appeared only recently. You dashed out of the bathroom to find your friend. She was gone from her place at lunch, her bags too. You groaned, fishing out your phone from your pocket to text her. Before you could open your phone, you saw a familiar heart shaped smile grinning at you from across the lawn. He waved, walking towards you. You stood semi-frozen. It would be rude to text when someone was coming to talk to you. But you needed someone to talk to, and Hoseok wasn’t bad company. You raised your hand in a wave, waiting for him to reach you.

“Hey.” he said first. Not hello this time huh?

“Hey.” you replied. “It’s been a while since we’ve talked outside of class.”

“Since the infamous coffee incident?” You shoved him.

“I thought we agreed not to talk about it anymore.” 

“I didn’t. I’m teasing you about it. Not talking about it.” he laughed.

“You’re being oddly specific.” you returned. You found a wood and metal bench that wasn’t far away, and made a move to claim it. You sat down, and so did he, on your right. 

“Have you met your soulmate?” he asked. Your head swerved to face his.

“Again, oddly specific.”

“Didn’t answer my question.” he countered.

“Didn’t answer mine.”

“Technically yours is a statement. And yes, I’m being specific. Is it illegal to want to know things?”

“No I haven’t.” you answered. He hummed content at your final reply.

“Really? What do you have on your wrist?”

“Did. It’s gone now.”

“They say the first words fade after you meet them. It turns into something your soulmate says that is your favorite.” It was your turn to be astonished.

“Really?” Then I must’ve met my soulmate. “What does yours say?”

“Same as you.”

“It says hello?” you quirked your eyebrow up. 

“Oh no. It was like a large paragraph. I’ve memorized it.”

“Then what do you mean ‘same as you’?”

“Its gone now. It got replaced.”

“So you’ve met your soulmate.” you decided. He nodded.

“Have you talked to them?”

“I’ve talked to her. I don’t think she knows.”

“Wow. An oblivious soulmate. Shouldn’t she know? Because of that first words thing?” you gestured your hand at no one in particular. He chuckled.

“She got ‘lucky’. She had a really common saying. I should’ve said something more special to her when we first met.”

“Yeah? What’d you say?”

“Hello.” A spark went up your spine, jolting you to reality. Hello? You looked back up to Hoseok’s smile. 

“What did yours say?” you whispered.

“Well I’ll never forget it. ‘Nope. Uh-uh. Not today. I do not have time to contemplate whether you are my soulmate or not, so just go away.’ It’s what she said.” he looked off into the distance with a grin on his face. “I would’ve said more but she cut me off. And of course, I didn’t go away.” 

“You’ve stuck around haven’t you.” He nodded. 

“So is she still oblivious?” You laughed, hiding your smile behind your hand again. “Hey, your smile is pretty. I appreciate you hiding it from other guys, but you don’t have to hide it. And maybe I’d like to see it more often.” You blushed, his hands coming up to reach yours. He held your hand, pushing up your sleeve to reveal your new words. You did the same, looking at the small sentence. 

“‘Okay, I’ll dance with you?’” you read, looking back at him.

“Hey, fate’s right. That is my favorite sentence that you’ll say.” he beamed. “So would you like to go on a date with me? They’re doing an 80’s night down at the dance studio this weekend.”

You smiled, nodding. 

“But...I have a story I need to finish. Its due soon.” you complained, drawling out the last words. He laughed, getting your hint.

“That story isn’t going to write itself love. I’ll help you.”

“Yeah?”

“Then we can go dancing.”

❃〰∿✵⚘☾☽

A/N: I hope I did my bias okay 😅 It was harder to write because of that haha. 

Taglist: @sierra-fics @jinnie-forthe-winnie

© fly-you-dam-fools

#bts x reader #jung hoseok x reader #jhope x reader #j-hope x reader #bts jhope x reader #hobi #j-hope x reader soulmate au #hoseok x reader #soulmate au #college au #bts j-hope #fluff? #bts #bts ff

[walkinginland]

All the Colors in the Rainbow

The Frasers get ready for Pride, Bree is... enthusiastic, Claire has some doubts, and Jamie is the most supportive.

This fic was inspired by this absolutely beautiful piece of Ace!Claire/Bi!Jamie fanart by @joeyhazell-art. Full credit and gratitude to the artist for the inspiration. Please head over to their page and check out their beautiful work!

This is some self-indulgent fic, friends. Hope you enjoy 💜💜💜

(also posted here on AO3)

********************************************

Claire was standing at her dresser on a Saturday morning, putting the finishing touches on her makeup and making a last-ditch effort to wrangle her curls.

A headband perhaps? She knew she had a black one around here somewhere… Or perhaps she should try to straighten it? But no, they were rushed for time, and with the humidity… She leaned her elbows on the dresser top and dropped her head into her hands with a sigh.

God, why did this have to feel so complicated?

It wasn’t her hair that was bothering her, not really. It was… it was everything else. She didn’t know why she felt so damn nervous. It was just Pride, for goodness’ sake, she knew what to expect. She had tagged along with Geillis numerous times over the years, there weren’t going to be any surprises.

But no, that wasn’t right either. This time was different. It was the first time she was going since she came out. Jamie had known, and had accepted her without question, since they started dating, and Geillis had known since a drink-fueled night of vulnerability back in uni. But no one else, and not publicly.

Today would be different than those other times. She would be going to Pride – out – with her husband, her baby, and her best friend. Her mind kept stubbornly tracking back to the assumptions that people might make about her, about her appearance, about her marriage.

Her insecurities would apparently be along for the ride today, whether she liked it or not.

~~~~~~~~~~

She had taken first shift that morning with Bree while Jamie got ready, getting breakfast in the girl and her hair braided, and then had passed toddler-teeth-brushing-and-dressing duty off to Jamie. Before she had done so however, Bree had run back to her room to get a “present for ye, Mama!” and then had come careening back into the kitchen to press a tiny temporary tattoo, in the colors of the asexual flag, into her hand.

“Is yer colors, Mama, gotta wear ‘em!”

Claire had strangled back a laugh at that, thanking her daughter with a kiss on her newly-braided hair.

“Thank you, baby, my colors are perfect. But where on earth did you get it?”

“Auntie gave ‘em to me!” Bree had wiggled away from her mother, nearly running into Jamie in the hall as she dashed back to her room. “Gettin’ ready, Da, c’mon!”

She could now hear Brianna’s tiny chattering from across the hall, interspersed with the quiet rumbling of Jamie’s voice. Bree, at three years old, was measurably more excited than either of her parents to be attending Pride this year. She didn’t understand at all what all the fuss was about, but she adored parties and parades with her entire heart. And when her Auntie Geillis was explaining to her some of what she would see, she had immediately insisted that she needed her own “raim-bows, Auntie, I gotta have th’ raim-bows.” Geillis had gleefully obliged.

Claire wasn’t exactly sure what a three-year-old was supposed to do with so many rainbow-colored plastic necklaces, but she supposed if the necklaces and the temporary tattoos were the limit of Geillis’ mischief for the day, she would count herself lucky.

“Sassenach?” Her husband’s voice jolted her out of her thoughts as he came through the door into their bedroom. “Have ye seen Bree’s pink socks with the wee white hearts on ‘em? They’re no in the laundry, are they?”

“I don’t believe so,” she said, gesturing over her shoulder. “Check that basket there, I haven’t gotten around to folding those ones.”

A soft grunt came from behind her as he started to rustle through the clean clothes.

She tried to lighten her voice, tried not to let her own circling thoughts – and doubts – intrude on the day as she checked her mascara and asked, “How’re the raim-bows coming along?”

She really thought she managed it fairly well, all things considered.

“Och, they’re lovely. Don’t think she’s ever practiced her colors so willingly before. Though she’s none so happy right now that I’ve got pink on my plaid and she hasna got a pink necklace.”

“Ahh. Hence the pink socks.” Claire smiled a bit. Brianna was certainly their child; she had an opinion on everything under the sun and made sure that everyone was completely aware of it.

“Hence the pink socks, indeed,” he chuckled. “She’s insistin’ she needs some pink and white so she can match Mama and Da, ye ken. She’s got her purple shirt on, and I tried tae tell her that that could do for matching the both of us, but she wouldna hear it. Insists she needs all the colors she can get her hands on, and only the socks will solve things. Ah hah!” Claire glanced in the mirror to see Jamie kneeling on the floor, triumphantly holding up two small socks. Pink socks, with white hearts. “Here they are, and crisis averted.”

She smiled faintly at him and his theatrics. “You’re a true hero, darling.”

He gave a small bow as he stood and said, “Aye, I do try my best. And how are ye coming along?”

Her eyes caught his in the mirror and she let out a sigh, his concerned gaze letting her know that he could see right through her. As usual.

She apparently hadn’t managed that light tone very well at all.

Damn.

Her husband’s arms wrapped around her from behind, reading her mind and her insecurities in the gentle, seamless way he always did.

“You’re no still nervous, are ye?” He planted a loud, smacking kiss to the side of her neck, turning what was usually a tender gesture into one to pull a grin. “It’ll be alright, just as I’ve told ye.” Jamie placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her, taking a step back to get a better look. “And you’re looking lovely, mo nighean donn. Verra festive.”

She fiddled with her purple, white, grey, and black earrings, letting her nerves escape in a slight chuckle. “You don’t think it’s too much, is it?”

“Too much? Claire, we’re going to Pride, there’s no such thing as too much.”

She rolled her eyes and avoided Jamie’s gaze, as much at her own self-consciousness as at her husband’s blatant efforts to cheer her up. “I know, but still…”

“Ye’re perfect, love,” he said, his tone changing from playful to a gentle seriousness. “And ye belong there just as much as anyone else. Just as much as I do.” He caught her chin and held her eyes with his own for a moment. “Dinna let yourself think otherwise for a moment.”

The earnestness in his tone was enough to bring tears to her eyes, and so she merely nodded as she turned back to the mirror.

If she blinked extra hard a few times, and if there was wetness sparkling in her eyes that had nothing to do with over-ambitious eyeliner application, Jamie was gentleman enough not to comment.

Claire went back to taming her hair, trying to tuck it in behind the headband when her husband’s large hand stilled her.

“Let yer curls be, lass. They’re bonnie. And they’re you. That’s what today’s all about, aye?”

“I know,” she said setting the headband down slowly, “I do, Jamie.” To her complete horror, and outside of her control, her attempted composure was lost in the croak of her voice and the wetness in her eyes that started welling up and over.

“Och, come here, love.” Jamie turned her again, pulling her to him in one smooth motion. “It’s alright. It’ll be jus’ fine, I promise ye.”

That soft promise was the thing that finally tipped her over the edge.

Pulled into the shelter of his arms, tucked into the body that had always given her comfort and love and care in exactly the way that she always needed, Claire let her bottled-up fears and anxieties come pouring out. He was her safe place, and no matter what turbulence was going through her heart, she knew that she could give them all to him and meet no judgement.

He was rocking her gently, holding her close and rubbing her back, murmuring quiet shushing noises and Gaelic endearments into her hair.

Her small storm had come on suddenly, but like many sudden storms it passed just as quickly, leaving her a bit limp, but still just as supported as ever. Jamie waited as her tears slowed, then began speaking again as he held her even closer.

“It doesna matter what anyone thinks of us, mo chridhe,” he said, with his cheek resting against her hair. “It doesna matter what they assume, or who they think we are. We may be a tad bit unconventional, aye, but we know who we are, and we belong there. You belong there. And I’m so verra proud of ye.”

Claire snuffled a moment longer into his shoulder before peeking up at him. “You just said that whole thing so you could slip a ‘pride’ reference in there, didn’t you?”

He quirked a brow at her, that cheeky grin she so loved spreading across his face as he leaned back to run his hands up and down her arms.

“Aye. Maybe I did. But every word of it is still as true as it can be.” His eyes turned serious. “But truly, Claire. It’ll be alright. I am proud of ye, and I love ye, more than I can say. Do ye ken that?”

She was still snuffling a bit, and she was sure her mascara had run, and her insecurities weren’t magically gone. But she had her husband by her side, and if she knew nothing else in this world, it was that he loved her, he was proud of her, and he would stay by her side, no matter what.

So she looked him in the eye, and nodded.

“Good. Now come on, lass,” he smacked another kiss on her forehead and nodded to Bree’s little tattoo present still sitting on the dresser. “Put your wee flag on yer face and let’s finish getting ready. We’ve places tae be, aye?”

She smiled up at him – a little wobbly, but still a smile – and picked up the tattoo.

“Aye,” she said, “we’ve places to be. I’m almost done here, I’ll be in to help with Bree in just a second.”

Jamie snorted. “Hmph. Ye’d best bring evidence of all yer colors, Sassenach. She’s on the war path to make sure we’re all properly decked out.” Their eyes both darted to the hall at the sound of a slight crash and giggle. Jamie looked back at her, raising his eyebrows. “Ye may have to do some search and rescue for yer puir husband; I’ve left our wee hellion in custody of those necklaces for far too long. She’ll have them strewn all around the room by now.” A sudden grimace crossed his face, “Geillis sounded a bit too happy givin’ them to the lass yesterday, did she no’? Ye don’t think she’s put something in one of ‘em, do ye?” He shook his head as he started backing towards the door. “I’ve a mortal fear of glitter in the hands of a toddler, Sassenach, and that woman kens it.”

Claire nearly choked on a laugh at that, giving her husband a gentle shove to the hall.

“Well, you are free to give Geillis a lecture on appropriate toddler gifts when we meet up with her later. I’m sure she’ll have a brilliant explanation for her present.”

She heard a grumbled, “Aye, I’m sure she will,” as he rounded the corner into the hall, and then a louder “Alright, a leannan?” as he entered Brianna’s room.

The grin that he had put back on her face got even bigger as she heard him groan dramatically as he picked Bree up.

“Well, have ye caused enough chaos so we can get yer auntie in trouble fer it yet? Aye, lass, I see all yer colors, good job. Let’s just –”

Claire turned back to her mirror again, smiling widely now, surrounded by the sounds and celebration of her own colorful wee family. They were hers, and she was theirs. And damn if she wasn’t proud of that. So she fixed her makeup, put her wee flag on her face, and went out to join them.

And very decidedly left her headband behind.

***********************************************

Thank you for reading!

Asexuality is not often represented in many spaces, and so I understand that many people may not have encountered ace characters or people discussing asexuality before. If you would like to know more, I encourage you to check out this informational page.

And to any of my fellow aces out there reading this? You are queerly valid, my friend. You belong here, and I love you 💜💜💜

#outlander #outlander fanfic #ace!claire #bi!jamie #asexuality #queerlander #claire/jamie #my writing #all the colors in the rainbow #why go to therapy when i could just write my insecurities into fanfic #(jk friends get thyselves to a therapist)

[horribletestsubject]

Fic I just wrote based on These Two art pieces that I’ve drawn and THIS POST by @body-utensil-travels-terrain

———

You’ve spent your life being told you couldn’t. Now there’s a voice telling you that you can.

You remember it distinctly. You were fourteen at the time, just really starting to figure out what you wanted to do with your life (it certainly isn’t what society expected from you— but then, society doesn’t expect someone like you anyway, does it?) when you first heard her voice over the radio in your living room. The words she said resonated with you, the promise and ambition that she spoke with. It was almost like she was talking directly to you.

You do your research. You study hard. You tinker away at things in your garage, supplementing your studies in your own way. And five years later, after you’ve graduated, you put in your application.

A letter arrives a few weeks later, emblazoned with the circular symbol you’ve kept in your mind’s eye all this time, and bold lettering on the front— Aperture Science Innovators. It’s addressed to you. You open it, and your fingers tighten around the smooth paper— “congratulations” it says. You’ve been accepted. At the bottom is Her signature. You trace over it with your fingers. Delicately, as gently as you’d handle an irreplaceable machine part.

Two weeks later your bags are packed and you’re boarding a flight to Detroit. The attendant greets you. You hold up your boarding pass and get on. You land a few hours later. Getting a cab would be too complicated— people don’t like to take the time to read, and most can’t speak the way you do. So you walk to the train station, it’s not too far. Just an hour or two. You’ve walked further before.

Flat fields flow by endlessly as the train rattles down its tracks. You lean your head against the window, watching the hues of gold rush by, blurring on into infinity.

The sun is gone when you pull up outside a strange little town, surrounded by chain link fence. You fish through your bag for the packet you’d been sent— and pull out the temporary ID you’d been given. You show it to the gate guard. He lets you in. A man is waiting to show you your dormitory. You shake your head at his offer of a tour— you’ll explore the place yourself tomorrow. There are a few days before you’re actually needed for orientation.

The room is small and plain. A bed, desk, and dresser, and a small closet. That’s alright. You don’t need much. You hang up your few articles of clothing and tuck your shoes next to the door. The bed isn’t soft, but it isn’t hard. You fall asleep quickly, exhausted from your travels.

The next few days are spent wandering. Visiting the little shops, the stations. Peering into labs where you can. Climbing over fences (they could never keep you out) before quickly retreating as a security guard passed. You don’t want to get in trouble before your internship even begins. You wonder if you’ll see her. But you only hear her voice in announcements as you trigger motion sensors throughout the complex.

When work actually starts, it’s tedious. Getting coffee. Taking documents to the shredder and the incinerator. You don’t usually see the labs. Or, well, much of anything. It’s just a lot of running here and there, back and forth at your superiors’ beck and call. It’s tiring. But you do it— after all, you want to be here, you want to do this— and you never give up.

It’s a few months before you see her— before your internship takes you to the main complex. Now you’re checking inventory, sorting mail, sorting records (and chucking the casualty lists into the incinerator as instructed). Occasionally they’ll call you in to fix the coffee maker or the refrigerator.

You hear her voice once, muffled— she’s talking to someone, to a group it seems, just outside the room you’re in. You look over your shoulder and catch a glimpse. Rosy cheeks and bright-red lips, wavy dark hair flowing around her shoulder, a smile on her face (manufactured, you can tell with just this glance that she’s concealing so very much), a bright red scarf tied around her neck.

Your eyes lock for just a second, and the corner of her mouth creases, dimpling her cheeks. Your heart races— that, that was a hint of a true smile. Warmth flushes your own cheeks and you tear your gaze away. Suddenly shy— much shyer than you’ve ever been before.

It doesn’t make sense to you. Not yet. Not until you start seeing her more. Not until her smiles become more frequent and pointed. Not until her gaze lingers on you a little longer than before each time. The fluttery feeling doesn’t go away— and you’re determined more than ever to reach her.

Of course, it happens sooner and easier than you think. She starts requesting you specifically to bring her her coffee. You take a red pen and draw a little smiley face next to her name before giving it to her. When you come up to her office, there’s a sticky note left on the monitor, in that oh-so-hard to read yet absolutely beautiful cursive of hers. At the end of it is a smiley face, so much more elegant and less childish than yours. You keep the note. On her next cup, you add a heart to the dot of the ‘i’ in her name. You start responding to her notes with little notes of your own, your rounded, sometimes scratchy handwriting a stark contrast.

The notes are never there when you get back. You like to think she kept them. You’re pretty sure she did.

A year after you arrive, your internship is over, and you’re up for a promotion— junior mechanic. Probably still more of the same, but you’ll be getting a salary now (not that you really have any use for it since Aperture provides your housing) and you’ll have a permanent place. But you’ll see her less. You’ll miss that, of course— but you’re finally moving beyond your station, moving up in the company.

The day before your internship ends, you get another note. “Wanna get coffee together tomorrow?” Your heart leaps. You scribble out your answer just beneath her writing.

You’re sitting across from her at the cafe table. The cafe serves the same stuff as the cafeteria, but it’s decorated more quaintly, and always costs more for some reason. Maybe because there’s sunlight coming through the windows.

“So, headed up the ladder,” she begins after the two of you sip your drinks (well, she sips her drink, you’re too caught up in the crimson of her lips). “I guess I won’t be seeing as much of you now.”

There’s something behind her cheery voice, a sadness that you’ve caught glimpses of before, a wistfulness deeper than her words. You look up, catching her gaze for a moment and nod in response.

“Well, this is nice. Maybe we should do this more often. Once a week, at least? Or you could come over to my place. We could spend time together. As friends, or something.” With that, she gives you a wink. Your cheeks flush bright red.

You catch the implication right away. Your hero, your inspiration— and now here you are sitting across from her at a cafe while she all but outright asks you out.

You thought you’d be excited for things to grow beyond the notes and the gestures. But you feel different than that. After the initial jolt, the initial flutter, you look back over at her and you see the chasm yawning out between the two of you. The mountain she’s perched on, the valley you’re standing in. Your scratchy print against her elegant cursive, your short, bitten nails against her sharp manicure, your messy ponytail against her shiny waves. You look down at your simple intern’s badge, then over at her emblazoned one. She doesn’t even have a title listed— everyone knows who she is.

You’re miles apart, even if you might have seemed to be closer.

You stand up, your throat knotting up as you shake your head. You can’t look at her now, but you can practically feel the disappointment in her face as she murmurs “oh.” You want to explain but you can’t, your thoughts racing a mile a minute. The last thing you want is to turn Her, your idol, the one who makes your heart flutter, the reason you came here in the first place, down.

But you can’t do this now. Not yet. Not until you’ve reached the top of the mountain. Not until you’re close enough for her to reach out her hand and pull you the rest of the way up.

“Let me know if you change your mind,” she says.

You pause, halfway to the door. You turn back just enough so that you can glimpse her, and give a tiny nod.

After that you throw yourself into your work. Up to senior mechanic, then technician, then engineer— you’re working on Aperture’s new technology now, its most important projects. But you’re still not close enough. Into the test chambers you go at the CEO’s behest, defying death and physics at breakneck speeds, trusting in the tech you’ve helped create to ensure your survival.

Sometimes you look up and see her watching from the observation room, the tell-tale flash of red. You don’t look too long.

The CEO falls ill. He leaves a disturbing message. You try not to think too much of it— you’re almost there.

Your superior fails a test. You’re not surprised. Not hurt, not sad. It just happens and now you’re in the upper echelon. Now you’re at the top— now, you can reach out to her again. Tell her you’ve changed your mind. You can be equals now.

You go to her office. She isn’t there to answer the door. “Don’t you remember Mr. Johnson’s last request?” They say to you. You tried to block it out, but you remember.

You use your pass on a high security door. It opens. Your name is emblazoned too now. Just like hers was.

Before you is a massive operating system. On the screen reads a message: “transfer complete. transfer successful. writing data : do not disconnect subject.”

She’s lying inside a tube-like compartment. A transparent coffin. Wires hooked up to her. Eyes closed. Lips still ruby red.

You reach out and touch the glass. There’s no response. There won’t be a response.

This technology is untested. This is the first human-AI interfacing project Aperture has conducted. There’s only a fifty percent chance it will work, and even if it does, it doesn’t change the fact that she’s gone. You’ll never clasp her small hands inside your own calloused ones, tuck your head against her shoulder, press your lips against hers.

You’ve finally reached the top of the mountain. Finally reached her. But it was too late. When you crested the summit, she was already gone, and there was only a spatter of crimson left behind to show that she was ever there at all.

#portal #fanfiction #portal fanfic #portal fanfiction #chell #chell portal #portal chell #caroline portal #portal caroline #chelline #cheroline #chell x caroline #portal au #intern chell #intern chell au #my writing #cinna writes #might edit and post to AO3 at some point #but for now have the rough draft