#tw for mental health/personal stuff | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whoblewboobear · 1 month

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Foaming at the mouth and going feral waiting for Fig to open up more to her parents and friends 🤧 I rmr all through middle school and high school holding everything in and being unsure about myself and putting on a tough mask with walls so high because I wanted to hide and not exist and just.. 🤧 having friends that were patient and loving and understanding even if they didn’t know my whole deal was life changing. I just wanna wrap Fig up in a big hug and tell her that she doesn’t need to have it all figured out, but that she’s still wanted and appreciated for all the qualities and facets that she exudes regardless of if she can lay all those things out and understand them. Despite it all, who she is and who she will become: She is loved. She is wanted. She should exist.

#I’m getting emo about herrrrr #I spent sooo long with my walls up bc I thought the way I was wasn’t good enough #you don’t have to know who you are and a lot of people still don’t know well into their 20s/30s/40s #the people around you and that love you know #they know your heart and character what your interests are the foods you like etc #all of that stuff makes you who you are #you don’t have to have a string of buzzwords or your personality all layed out in a numbered list #and if you do that’s lovely too and being comfortable with that changing as you grow is beautiful as well #tw for mental health/personal stuff #growing up and sometimes falling into being s*ic*d*l really makes you feel like you have no reason existing puts you through #identity crises more often than not and getting older and still breathing and taking each day at a time helps you figure out parts of you #even if the big picture is fuzzy or incomplete you still have every right to be alive #to keep existing and learning about yourself #even when it’s hard #dimension 20 #fhjy

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sawiet · 5 months

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stop asking how i am, i don't want to think about my life

#bpd #actually bpd #bpd problems #bpd thoughts #bpd feels #actually borderline #borderline pd #borderline personality disorder #mentally tired #mental illness #mental problems #mental health #actually mentally ill #tw depressing stuff #tw depressing thoughts

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ryn-stillstanding · 2 months

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thinking about how different things would have been if it never happened

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vixen-angel · 9 days

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purposely putting yourself in danger, or being visibly sad so maybe someone might ask if youre doin alright.. but then nobody bats an eye.

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tapiokauwu · 21 days

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I honestly want to destroy myself.

But I also want to get better.

I'm so indecisive (⁠╯⁠°⁠□⁠°⁠）⁠╯⁠︵⁠ ⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

#jirai kei #jirai onna #landmine girl #地雷系 #jiraiblogging #jiraiblr #bpd stuff #actually bpd #bpd safe #bpd #actually borderline #borderline personality disorder #tw self destructive thoughts #tw mental health #tw mental illness #mental health #mental illness #mentally tired #self destructive thoughts

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la1npilledg1rl · 6 months

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ciniminisx · 7 months

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I used to want to live differently, now I don't want to live at all

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jellvisk · 7 months

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Chronic pain sucks, but I think something people don't talk about is how chronic pain also give you mental illnesses/worsen already existing ones, such as depression.

I fight everyday to not thrive, but simply to survive. That's not good enough, though, for the pain tears down my psyche and willpower day by day. My depression gets worse, and on days I'm feeling less depressed, my chronic pain will remind me it exists, tear apart my dreams for the day, and pull me back into that familiar pit.

Instead of just apathy, it has to also be pain.

Depressed and hurt, now at the bottom of the sea, how much worse could it get? I can barely focus on anything, let alone start any task because of my ADHD/executive dysfunction. Perhaps it would be easier to start tasks if I wasn't punished with literal pain for doing so; the illnesses all stacks ontop of eachother like some fucked up Binding of Isaac build.

Now I'm rewarded for doing giving in to my ADHD and doing literally nothing: because there will be less pain.

So I'm paralyzed: surely it couldn't get worse. But then I realize all of this is invisible. All of it, including my pain. So now that simple fact adds to the fuel to the flames that is my self hatred, because not even I will believe I am struggling if it can't be seen with my own two eyes. "I should just be stronger, I shouldn't be so lazy; my pain can't be that bad, there's no blood!"

Now here I am, chained by spikes, self loathing under the pressure of the murky ocean.

I try to reach my dreams, but then they're shot down by illness and then I'm punished.

I try to cope, so maybe I can fight my mental illnesses. Oops! If I cope, my body chooses violence!

This post has been mostly a personal ramble. All things aside, whatever you're facing, keep fighting.

#mental health #mental health awareness #tw depressing stuff #chronic pain #vent #vent post #personal vent #venting #adhd #actually mentally ill #executive dysfunction #ramble #idk if this makes sense

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thelunarsystemwrites · 25 days

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(VENT!)

(Triggers: Suicidal ideation and thoughts and talk of it. Talk of PJ'S daycare. Depression, mental illness, all of this happening to a kid!)

When I was... maybe eleven, twelve? I watched PJ'S daycare, and all I can remember thinking is, when it got to the Geno part?

That, that's what I was feeling. That's what I wanted, I wanted to be in Geno's place, I was suicidal.

And, uh, I wasn't the same after that. It was kinda my first introduction into suicide...

Honestly, I still get that way occasionally.

I sometimes want right stand on a bridge, on a very foggy day and have it raining. Or be night with a full moon and harsh breeze, I want to... I dunno, I wanna have a taste of not having to be here sometimes.

But I won't, I made a promise to a very special person, that I'd stay alive. I'd stay alive until the day I die, normally. Not by my own hands.

...It was weird, putting a label on it. Suicidal. It was weird for me knowing that I wasn't mentally okay, that I had issues and was fully aware of them.

Anyways that was plenty of years ago, I'm surprised I even remembered. But... I dunno, for all the bad Rouge has done, and the bad in PJ'S daycare. It started my journey to, well, not killing myself. So... that's cool?

Sorry, I just needed to vent lol.

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interruptedsblog · 19 days

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It's amazing how quickly I change people when they don't pay enough attention to me, it's a vicious circle.

I obsess, I idealize, I devalue, I get depressed and suicide...and all the time it repeats itself without stopping

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beeoftheanxieties · 9 months

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The Val202 Interview (a very personal rant)

If you've been online in the past 24 hours you have probably come across the newest JO interview from Val202. And it has been painful.

If you've been lurking through my tags, you probably have picked up that I suffer from anxiety, more specifically a panic disorder as well. So, as you can imagine, knowing that Bojan is going through the same thing is... rough. Rough cause I know what a panic attack and its aftermath feels like . Rough because I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. And rough because it happened during one of the things Bojan likes doing the most, which is performing.

I just want to send all the love to him. He deserves nothing but the best and I am so proud of him for speaking out on it. I hope he gets (or is already getting) the help he deserves. Speaking from experience, the road to recovery is not easy, never linear and it might take a while, but it is so worth it.

I'm also really proud of him for speaking on it cause I feel like the general public still thinks that a panic attack is someone kicking and screaming, while it can really just look like you slightly zoning out, thinking about the worst-case scenarios. The fact that he managed to perform during it, Bojan, you have my utmost respect. But please, don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm, please.

I really have major respect for him. Insane respect. Cause I've been through it. And I know how embarrassing it can be to tell someone 'oh yeah, sometimes my mind thinks of the worst things ever and my heart goes crazy and then I spiral'. And I can imagine how much harder it is to admit to that when the public thinks like you are living the life.

So yeah, we truly do not deserve Bojan. Bless him. He's amazing, as the rest of the band (also gotta say a thank you to Nace at this point for being with him. I know that 'having someone there for you' as you're panicking is not the best thing ever, because there is no guarantee you will always have a person available, but boy does it make a difference). I hope they get the break they most desperately deserve and need very soon.

#personal rant #sorry if it's long #but ive been through it #i unerstand #oh and fuck people making stuff up on twitter #so glad im not on there #and i hope more and more people skiddadle from there #joker out #bojan cvjetićanin #bojan cvjeticanin #interview #nace jordan #tw: mental health #tw:panic attacks

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insignificantfailure · 7 days

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I'm such a failure, a complete fucking failure

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jennifersbod · 27 days

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so tired of birth control (medicine) shaming. Like yes it’s a band aid fix in some cases but we do very much USE band aids?

#like do you want to bleed out while waiting years for surgery? no? ok #do you want to have a mental health crisis from hormone imbalance? no?#has no one heard of harm reduction in their lives #not even MENTIONING how it’s helped equality #medical stuff tw #birth control #personal

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yung-gxd · 18 days

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I need someone to beat me so bad, I want someone to make me feel on the outside how I feel on the inside. I’m trash and I deserve to be thrown away. I’m not a good person please believe, I don’t deserve happiness or anything but pain.

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subparcarrion · 2 months

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CW//TW: kinda vent, discussion of tics and tic attacks (and some of the aftermath for me), discussion of high stress and anxiety situations, cussing/cursing, discussion of physical pain, discussion of pills.

(ACTUAL POST UNDER CUT.)

So... yeah,,,

Tic attacks, gonna have to go with ☆☆☆☆☆/★★★★★ (0/5). Especially at close to four in the morning at a sleepover.

Not really sure why I'm deciding to put it out on the internet, but I guess I wanna talk about it or smth. And with March break and my crippling social anxiety the closest I've come to talking about it irl is a quick "that was kinda traumatic ngl" to a close friend over text.

In retrospect it makes sense, it's the most stressed I've been in a while now paired with a lot of just having to be constantly "on" and feeling scared to say no.

For context I did a pseudo babysitting job for a family friend from around mid afternoon to nearly midnight. I then decided to go a sleepover with my friends late since they had been kind enough to move the date so I could attend. (Probably not the best idea for the future who has a bad anxiety disorder and probably a lot of other stuff, but when have I ever said no.)

The job itself was pretty stressful but the kid and her mom's are super nice and did their best to accommodate me, so that was really nice. (They also paid me really well when I would have honestly done if for free so I'm not gonna complain. Anything bad was kinda just unavoidable considering it was me who was doing the job.)

Im also not really gonna bitch about the sleepover too much, my friends are lovely, the timing just made things rough.

Since I was arriving so late we hung out for like an hour and then went to bed (at least tried to go to bed), a lot of tha time was just kinda spent getting ready for bed though. There's nothing wrong with that, I just ended up feeling a little like I had missed out on the best part of stuff. (Again, no one else's fault.)

Everyone else fell asleep pretty quick, however I was not tired at all. It wasn't unexpected though, going from one high stress situation to another doesn't really let you let your guard down. Let alone feel properly sleepy.

So I just kinda did some stuff on my phone for thirty minutes to see if I would get tired and then decided to finally turn in for the night still very much all to aware of everything.

At this point it's probably important to mention that everyone in my froend group has at least a passing interest in a game called "The Stanley Parable". And if you didn't know you can go into an elevator in that game, and it kinda just plays this goofy elevator music in loup until you leave.

It is thus tradition in my friend group to play the elevator music while we fall asleep at any and all sleepovers where it is possible and everyone is chill with it.

The elevator is kinda some basic lyricless pop-ish kinda techno song where you can occasionally, if you listen closely enough hear the narrator hum along with the tune. The song itself is a certified banger, but I was stressed as fuck and hyperaware of everything. It was safe to say it was driving me crazy, especially the humming part.

I didn't really have any means to turn it off though and I would feel bad doing it. After all, I had agreed to it any it would be distruptful to try since it was super late and the room was pretty packed. To move around too much would probably wake someone up. (Wow, foreshadowing or smth.)

I never really got to sleep and it was around late three in the morning, nearly four when shit really started to hit the fan.

(Another bout of context before I continue: so I've had what I'm just calling tics at this point for about a year now, maybe a bit longer. At least that's when they started getting really noticeable and causing real problems for me. Personally for me it's mostly motor ticks that get much worse in stressful situations. Stressful situations being an iffy description that could cover pretty much anything on acount of the anxiety disorder. Albeit over time it has developed into mostly motor ticks with occasional verbal ones.

I can have periods where they are happening very few times a day and then ones where they are happening several times a minute, either way they never really go away. I had been doing pretty good tick wise before this whole ordeal, now it's definitely leaning towards the worse, more disruptive and painful side.)

It started off with a ciuple of my usual motor tics, getting more and more aggressive very quickly. For the most part these would consist of things like my shoulders jumping up and hitting the vase of my head and neck or my hands doing weird shit.

By the time the verbal tics started the motor tics were so aggressive and frequent they were getting pretty painful. This would be the same time I would start making small squeaks as a verbal tick.

It became pretty clear after that this wasn't stopping any time soon so I sat up and used my pillow to cover my mouth in hopes to muffle the noise so I wouldn't wake anyone.

This was the point where something changed and my tics got the worst they'd ever been. It went from squeaks to small screams and loud grunts. And I was just sitting there in pain scared out of my mind for nearly and hour before the noise finally woke up my friends. Cuz despite all my effort a pillow can't hide constant screaming for very long.

When my friends woke up they were reasonably concerned, they knew I had tics that could occasionally get kinda bad but this was the worst it had been, and I could barely explain through the ticks that it had been going on for about an hour. There was definitely no way I was calming them down, and in all fairness I was freaking out too and they handled the whole shitshow remarkably well.

They probably spent twenty minutes or more trying to calm me down or help, but nothing was working, in fact it might have been getting worse. One of my friends also tried Google-ing it, but Google pretty much said drug him or ignore them were feasible options for yours truly, the little bitch boy.

My friend eventually got their mom and I regained enough control to pack my shit and got driven home. I downed as much sleeping and pain meds as I was allowed to take and continued ticking until I passed out.

Idk,,, not a particularly entertaining story, ig I just wanted to get it out somewhere.

As for me right now, it's been two days and I can't go five minutes without some sort of tic at most.

However, I'm feeling somewhat better, even if my neck hurts like shit.

I suppose that's all, thanks for listening to me bitch and moan tumblr. <33 /p

-carrion_

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ciniminisx · 7 months

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i just want to escape from life

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