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moonlit-positivity · 1 day

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You are not obligated to forgive your abusers. You are not obligated to forgive anyone who hurts you, regardless of if they've changed their ways or even if they're struggling and in need of help. You are not required to honor anyone else except you, your feelings are more important. Please do not ever feel guilty for saying no and setting boundaries.

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #boundaries #healing #healing thoughts #abuse #abuse recovery #abuse awareness #toxicity #toxic friendships #toxic parents #abusive relationships #actually abused #actually traumatized #forgiveness

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furiousgoldfish · 6 months

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Which one of these are you vulnerable to?

(vulnerable as in, if it happens, you spiral into dark thoughts and you go to great lengths to avoid these)

Asking for help and getting rejected

Asking for help and being put in more danger

Having a friend lose interest in talking to you

Having a friend end the friendship because of something you did

Having a friend act toxic and abusive to you, because they want to end the friendship but don't want to be the one to call it

Having a friendship/relationship you didn't realize was one-sided until it abruptly ended

Confessing your crush and getting rejected

Confessing your crush and having them act disgusted

Having someone pretend to like you back, but they only want to keep you around because they like your attention, and you find out months later

Being discarded after you've invested a lot of energy and care into someone

Being ignored and treated as invisible by someone

Being ignored, treated invisible and judged by a group of people

Being criticized after you put a lot of energy into something

Being put down and told that you can't do anything right, after you put a lot of energy into something

Being yelled at for making a mistake

Being yelled at for getting hurt on accident

Being yelled at for hurting someone

Your friend not siding with you in an event of abuse, bullying or injustice

Your friend arguing that it's unfair of you to want them to take sides

Gathering courage to open up about abuse only for the listener to instinctively defend abusers, and put you down

Opening up about about only to have it downplayed and dismissed

Opening up about abuse and having the other person pass judgment on you

Other people acting like you're poison, dangerous, infectious and malicious

Other people acting like you're stupid, and don't understand your own life and situation

Other people acting like they would have no trouble in your place

Being perceived as a burden and a problem for everyone else

Being in a group where you feel like you're the only one who doesn't belong

Getting outcasted from a group because someone in there who hurt you made up rumors about you that everyone believed

#toxic friendships #triggers #toxic relationships #psychological abuse #abuse victim #being abuse victim is just like this i feel like #trauma #triggering situations #abuse triggers #abuse aftermath #trauma aftermath

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mycptsdstory · 10 months

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Unpopular opinion.

(found this on twitter).

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collapsedglasshouses · 2 months

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WHAT I'VE LEARNED IN THE LAST YEAR:

If someone tries to keep you down to shine… they are not your friend.

If someone takes everything you say as an attack… they are not your friend.

If someone tries to manipulate friendships to be in the focus of it or even tries to destroy friendships/relationships for their own benefit… they are not your friend.

If someone always has to have the last word… they are not your friend.

If someone forces you to apologise only to not accept it… they are not your friend.

If you can’t do anything right in someone’s eyes… they are not your friend.

If someone only likes to spend time with you when you're mental health is decent and refuses to understand your mental condition… they are not your friend.

If someone stops being your friend because you won’t reach out even though said reaching out only ends in more tears and manipulation… they are not your friend.

Every story has two different sides but if someone never reflects their own words or even tries to understand your side and pushes their own feelings to be the only correct one… hate to break it to you… but they were never your friend in the first place.

#i think i escaped something i didn’t know i needed to escape #toxic friendships #healing #collapsedglasshousesthinks #this got personal real quick

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fuckingstupidgayperson · 8 months

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ending a toxic friendship and feeling happier but then you have to change your matching home and lock screens, stop drawing your shared ocs, delete your pintrest boards together, and delete shared google docs, and then it really hits you:

theyre gone

#friendship breakup #losing a friend #drawing #pintrest #shared pintrest boards are a BAD IDEA #toxic relationship #toxic friendships #ending a friendship

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sp00kysk3lly · 3 months

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Why am I always left on 'read'? Why am I always second best? Why am I always ignored?

These questions run through my head on a daily basis. New friends, Old friends. They all ghost me. They all ignore me.

But, I never know what I did wrong. Or what I do wrong?

I know I am weird, and strange and a bit different. But they liked me before?

Truth is, they seemed to like me more before I got sick. Before I got Type One Diabetes. EPI, Diabetic Retinopathy, Nerve pain. They seemed more ok with me then. But now they don't. And I have no clue why.

My life hasn't changed that drastically for them. For me it has, because it has too, but for them, I still speak to them, I still see them, but not much has changed.

I don't even know what I did. And I can't ask them, because if I do, I either will get a fake "oh no im sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel that way." Or I will get a confrontational response.

I'm going to go low contact with them, I can't do this anymore. I can't always be second best again, I can't always be ignored, I can't always be left on read.

i always message first and I can't do this anymore because that's the only time I will get a fucking response out of these people.

I'M DONE!

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positively--speculative · 2 months

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There should be a special term for friendless people who want friends but refuse to grow as a person or listen to healthy advice on developing and maintaining friendships. I'm talking about those people who want you to center everything around them regardless of how emotionally exhausted you are. The ones that guilt you if you want boundaries and tell you how everyone they make friends with abandons them eventually and lack the self awareness to ask themselves why.

We have the term "incel" for those who want romantic and sexual relationships but do not have the maturity to grow as a person to have a fulfilling relationship of that nature, but I feel like we neglect to talk about this behavior with platonic relationships.

I don't know...maybe I'll start calling it "friendcel" behavior.

#Incel #Friendships #Boundaries #Toxic relationships #Toxic friendships

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milowithani · 11 months

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I don't think I've read or heard many people talk about how badly passive aggressiveness can affect the person being targeted. Especially a child.

If you're neurodivergent you might also relate to the many others who struggle to process or read things like passive aggressiveness!

(I do not mean to imply that everyone who's ever been passive-aggressive at some point in their life is a bad person. We can all be prone to it. I'm just speaking from the perspective of someone who was the target of harassment for several years)

#mental health #actually autistic #just cptsd things #cptsd problems #toxic friendships #toxic parents #social cues #passive agression

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lunaapudleonem · 2 years

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Placements in synastry that can indicate a toxic friendship

planets of one or both individuals in the other's 8th house -> this can be related to obsessiveness of the planet person with the house person. It's also related to the feelings of jealousy and sometimes envy (this is especially true for placements like the moon in the 8th house in synastry).

Mercury/Venus/Moon/Sun in the other individual's 12th house -> these positions can indicate secrecy (the hiding of feelings of the planet person). Karmic relations. If the entire synastry is mostly full of squares and bad positions, the planets in the 12th can additionally indicate a relationship that hurts the planet person so he/she could learn a lesson from that friendship.

one person's Chiron in conjunction with the other person's moon -> this position indicates strong emotional injuries and emotional wounds.

one person's Pluto in another person's 3rd house -> strong and harsh words often directed by the Pluto person/gossiping/talking badly behind the house person's back.

Mars square another person's Mars -> different ways of reacting, different ways of expressing anger, explosive arguments between the two "friends". However, any squares can be hard to handle, I just think the square between Mars signs and Moon signs are the hardest to deal with (square between the two Moons -> this is notable because the two people don't understand each other emotionally which results in unhappiness and anger).

Saturn/Mars in the other person's 11th house -> generally a really bad position for friendships.

Neptune in the 5th house/Neptune conjunct Sun/Neptune in the 1st house -> could indicate drug/alcohol use and addiction.

Pluto conjuct the other person's Moon -> intensified emotions, destructive emotions.

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minniiaa · 3 months

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removing myself from a toxic friend group after over 10 years and re-acknowledging that i'm actually pretty hilarious and although i always thought that the people i used to surround myself with (including the person i was in a relationship with) constantly put me down and said that i wasn't and would never be as funny as they were like ??? for what

idk something so wrong about being surrounded by people who are supposed to be your "best friends" but do nothing but put you down to make themselves feel like they are superior

#hindsight is 2020 #humor is my coping mechanism #of course i've gotten good at it #but also fuck ya'll #toxic friendships #toxic relationships

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royalruination · 5 months

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Today i called out a friend of 10+ years on how she hasn’t been putting in any effort in our friendship and how i’ve always been the one starting conversations and calling and texting and checking in and how that exhausts me. i fr facetimed her to talk about it and then i texted her so she could go back to those words. she told me she needs to do a lot of thinking and she looked sorry about it. if she changes her ways, great. if she doesn’t, i’m gunna have to cut her off completely. we’ll see.

anyway, these are some of the things i wanted her to think about and you can use these talking points if you’re experiencing the same situation as me. of course only do this if you think that friendship/relationship has the potential to last and the person cares about you enough to take it into account:

1) i want you to think about what type of friend/partner you are to me and if that’s serving me in any way

2) i want you to think about what i mean to you and then act accordingly bc i don’t want to feel like i’m forcing you to put in any effort into our friendship/relationship.

#talking points #friendships #relationships #self love #self esteem #toxic friendships #toxic relationships

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moonlit-positivity · 4 months

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How to recognize when you need to set a boundary

Physical signs of your body telling you "no":

Bile in your throat

Panic

freeze response aka frozen or paralyzed w fear

Heart paced real fast

Anxiety

Unsettled stomach/gut feeling

Head fuzzy

Head & chest feels tight

Face might scrunch up in disgust/disbelief/pain etc

"ick" or "ew"

fainting or feeling weak as a result

crying

feeling like hurting yourself

cheeks hot, face flushed (embarrassment out of fear or humiliation)

fight/flight/freeze/fawn response gets triggered

body feels "charged" or "activated"

wanting to yell or shout back

wanting to run away

wanting to hide

wanting to stuff yourself with food/substances/alcohol etc to numb the pain

heart feels heavy or pounds at awkward intervals

not being able to eat

head shakes "no"

backing away

asking or screaming for help

feeling scared

feeling "on alert"

not knowing what to say

arms protecting yourself

not being able to move

Emotional signs that you are not safe:

Unsettling environment

Fawning aka "going with what they want" even if you don't feel good about it

Uncomfortable

Knowing the other person doesn't like it when you express things different from their own beliefs

Knowing if you spoke up you would be either mocked or downplayed or told you're being too sensitive

Being told you're "disrespectful" or "not allowed" to talk back or disagree in any way

Being told you're too chicken or being forced to feel dumb or stupid if you don't join in

Being openly mocked or talked about by the whole group

Expressing a concern and they get mad at you for being mad at them

You're always the one in the wrong even when you were the one being hurt

They use grandiose words and phrases to assert dominance

"walking on eggshells"

They continue to do the things you asked them to stop doing even after countless times asking them

They don't care about how you feel

They make no effort to acknowledge your feelings or acknowledge how their behavior is affecting you

They force you to participate in drugs/alcohol

They hold their power and good deeds they have done for you over your head and threaten to stop helping or support you or even take back what they have given you

They are physically aggressive/ violent

Rage

Rage during substance use

Touching you without asking

Downplaying anything you need as not important

What to do:

Take a deep breath

Take your time figuring it out

Remind yourself this isn't your fault

Stay focused on the behavior- because they WILL try to detract from it & turn it around on you

Gather your resources

Consider leaving or cutting contact

Consider therapy or online support groups to help yourself breathe and find safer spaces for yourself

Have an exit plan

Do not engage with the arguments & emotional bait

Cultivate your privacy

Cultivate your security

Cultivate yourself a safe space

Prepare yourself for the backlash

Ask someone safe to go with you

Call someone safe and ask them to stay on the phone with you if you do not feel safe

Self defense tools like pepper spray & brass knuckles

Know you're worth the exit

Take yourself seriously when they dont

Honor the gut feelings

Restore faith in your judgement

Honor your voice

Honor your body

Honor your "no"

Ask for a pause- "I need a break."

Ask for clarity- "Can you clarify that?"

Ask what their intentions are- "Are you being helpful or hurtful?"

Bring attention to the behavior and how it's making you feel- "I'm not comfortable with the way you're ignoring my concerns."

Make direct eye contact & deepen your voice- "You need to stop."

Do not apologize

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Hope this helps!

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #boundaries #mental health #healing #bpd #positivity #how to say no #setting boundaries #communication #relationships #toxic relationships #toxic friendships #toxic family #reminders #suggestions #compassionate reminders

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furiousgoldfish · 1 year

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How abuse affects your friendships and relationships

Friendships/relationships

Abusive childhood teaches you to stay in abusive relationships

Children of abusive parents are more likely to tolerate abusive friends

Abuse will make toxic friendship feels normal.

Abusive parents teach us to chase people whose love we think we can 'earn' or obtain by removing boundaries and suffering more abuse.

Abuse can trick you into believing you have to love people unconditionally even if they abuse you.

Abusive parents fails to teach you the signs of an abusive relationship.

Abuse makes us scrutinize our own actions and behaviours, but never others'.

Abuse will make you completely disregard subtle red flags in friendships.

Long term neglect can make us long for any kind of attention

Neglect makes us extra vulnerable to Love Bombing and Mirroring

Abuse makes us vulnerable to Future Faking.

Abuse makes us tolerate more pain than anyone normally would tolerate in a friendship/relationship.

Abuse can teach us that neglect, lack of positive attention and engagement, lack of consideration for our needs and wants, is normal and acceptable in our friendships and relationships, leading us to tolerate it.

Living in abuse and using fantasy and idealism to endure the reality, will encourage the development of Magical Thinking in adulthood.

Abuse makes us emotionally vulnerable to grooming, and likely to bond with groomers.

Abuse makes it impossible to notice the signs of an abusive relationship.

Abuse can groom you to accept and tolerate abuse from others.

Sense of self

Neglect causes low self esteem.

Abuse greatly amplifies the human fear of being unlovable, unwanted and dying alone.

Being raised in abuse can make you feel like you're 'not normal' and make it difficult to relate to people.

Abuse can make you feel like you're a constant inconvenience and always left out.

Abuse forces you to keep secrets that alienate you from friendships or feeling like a part of community

Abuse in isolation makes us feel like the world abandoned us.

Attachment disorders

Abuse can lead to intense, over-attached, idealized, unstable, disorganized, or detached and fragile attachments as opposed to stable and healthy ones with boundaries and realistic expectations.

Neglect can cause abandonment issues, which then cause intense stress, anxiety, insecurity, and overall traumatic response to a break of a friendship/relationship

Neglect can cause craving of being ‘taken care of’ or ‘being the caretaker’ rather than pursuing equal and completely mutual relationships

Abuse can lead you to bond intensely with a 'favourite person' which puts you into a position where you can easily be groomed or exploited, and unable to get out of it.

Abuse leads into idealizing people who show us even the minimum of kindness.

Abuse can make us crave ‘feeling important’ even from abusers

Parentification

Parentification teaches you to take care of other people as a Survival Strategy

Abusive parents can set you up to live as a resource to others

Abuse teaches you to keep your pain secret while tearing yourself apart to care for other's pain.

Socializing

Abuse starves us out of conversation, touch, gentleness, community, and it can be painful to introduce ourselves (back) to it.

Abuse makes casual socializing anxiety-inducing and frightening.

Social abuse can invoke social anxiety.

Abuse can make attention feel dangerous.

Abusive parents can sabotage you socially, making your real entrance into social life only after you get away from them, and by that time you've missed out on valuable development of social skills and you're starting with a disadvantage

Suffering the pain of abuse alone can make you feel like isolating yourself and being away from people is the only safe way to exist.

Suffering long-term abuse can make you intensely doubt people's intentions (and sometimes you might be right).

Abuse can make any criticism in a social situation extremely painful and triggering for us

Abuse can create strict double standards for how we're allowed to live and feel, and what others are allowed.

Intimacy and closeness will trigger emotional flashbacks, painful memories and personal crisis, making you unwilling to try and be close to people.

Long term abuse makes it painful for us to receive or accept comfort.

Abuse can make us feel indebted for comfort.

Abuse makes us feel like we're craving abuse when we're only craving comfort

Abuse makes us look for positive attention in non-effective or dangerous ways.

Abuse can make you blame yourself for any social interaction that hurts you.

Abuse makes us dismiss our own discomfort with others.

#abuse checklist #child abuse #cptsd #abusive relationships #abusive friendships #abusive parents #aftermath of abuse #social abuse #aftermath of neglect #child neglect #toxic relationships #toxic friendships #parentification

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gritsandbrits · 1 year

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A friendship built on mockery, jealousy, envy and belittling everyone, is not a friendship at all.

[ID: sparkly green background with the following paragraphs written in light-green cursive font:

I feel that Optimus's hero arc in TFA would not be complete without ending his friendship with Sentinel to show that you aren't responsible for fixing broken envious people esp. If they refuse to do their part in mending the relationship/their own selves.

In the show Sentinel tries to bring Optimus down either by mocking him for his failures or undermining his agency/talents. Even in the last episode he was jealous Optimus got praises for saving Cybertron.

At first Optimus tolerates mistreatment cuz he and Sentinel went thru the same tragedy and were friends for the longest time. Over the course of the show Optimus gradually begins to stand up for himself. It helps that he has a truer set of friends in his crewmates and time on Earth unlearning toxic ideals of his homeworld.

Optimus learns that he is allowed to take up space, move on from his mistakes and grow. Acts of heroism and interacting with different characters help him gain better self esteem and perspective. To where he easily returns barbs to Sentinel if he tries to mess with him again.

What does this have to do with jealousy? Well, Sentinel typically regarded Optimus for his bad qualities and assumes he doesn't deserve good things. He tries to put him down to make himself look better in comparison. He thinks Optimus being a maintenance man means treating him like his personal punching bag. Only to be proven wrong.

Optimus's compassionate nature earns him friends and eventually the respect of Cybertron. Optimus makes good with what he has WITH EVERYTHING he got, flaws included. Optimus hasn't sacrificed the whole sum of himself, unlike Sentinel who hardened his spark for materialistic wealth.

Optimus helped others on the show; learning to reinforce his needs and boundaries could've shown how he become his own hero too. That being a hero doesn't mean letting people walk all over you or take advantage of your kindness.

If Sentinel refused to see Optimus for what he is then he (Optimus) is not obligated to stay. Some folks are just walls.

It's hard & painful. But just cause you know a person for years doesn't mean you should stay friends with them. Sometimes cutting off toxic people is one of the bravest things you can do.

TFA did a good job showing the exhausting reality of toxic friendships/people, the importance of standing up for yourself, and the value of having true friends who support you no matter what./end ID]

#tfa #transformers animated #transformers #tfa optimus prime #tfa sentinel #jealousy #envy #toxic relationship #toxic friendships #self healing #my essay #writblr #writers on tumblr #meta #analysis #cartoons #animation

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nautical-poe · 3 days

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Last comic for this semester! But I’m planning on making more over summer so stay tuned!!

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sp00kysk3lly · 2 months

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You realise no one cares when you’re a type one diabetic, suffering from a virus, haven’t eaten for a week, barely drunk anything for a week, hands and face covered in small red spots and you’re being sick, bang on the floor to get your alcoholic mums attention and she just wakes up and goes to bed….

And this woman is suppose to be my “carer”, yeah ok then. More like she wanted the money, not caring about me.

Pretty much same as my “friends”. One ghosting me, one that doesn’t respond for a week (after reading my message), and one who only wants to talk when they want something.

I’m done. So fuck it. Putting my phone on Do Not Disturb mode and if they want me they’ll have to wait for me to fucking respond to them. I’m done.

My mother’s abuse I can take (barely) I’ve had it all my life. But I thought at least when I got older I’d have decent friends who actually gave a shit about me.

You really know how your future is going to play out once you spend every day crying and alone. Thanks, I guess.

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