mycptsdstory

[mycptsdstory]

Yes I had one particular moment I still feel bad about sometimes where a nurse complimented my shirt as a teenager and I couldnt speak or compute what she said so she left looking mad but I couldnt control it. I can think of where that started (sa too) but Ive also seen talk of different peoples nervousystems reacting differently in fight or flight situations so I tend to “freeze” but that can also lend itsekf to going mute. The worst part is already abusive/entitled ppl who trigger it then get even more mad and offended as if Im just being a stuck up bitch to them but Im not. And now I know for sure the ppl who get mad are just narcissists or something, totally entitled and think every stranger needs to stroke their ego and answer to them fast or else that person doesnt deserve to feel safe. It’s insane. I think the people that trigger selective mutism are much worse than me and have huge red flags.

Please don't compare your trauma to someone else. Your trauma is real and valid.

I'm sorry you're in a situation where you feel like, you can't speak and that must be hard.

I'm also sorry you've been SA and that wasn't right. You should have felt safe and protected and someone violated that. You didn't deserve it.

I hear you and your story. You are valid.

#anon ask #cptsd #selective mutism #c ptsd

[mycptsdstory]

Remember; emotional neglect is still abuse.

#cptsdhealing #living with cptsd #cptsd vent #cptsd problems #cptsd thoughts #actually cptsd #just cptsd things #tw cptsd #actually ptsd #cptsd tag #cptsd #c ptsd

[mycptsdstory]

Somebody might need to hear this: hey. That was a really scary thing you had to go through. What an awful feeling to be carrying around. So deep inside where no one can hurt you like that ever again. If no one else has ever told you this before then I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you made it. And I'm so fucking sorry you had to see it to begin with. You absolutely did not need to see that. Not ever.

[mycptsdstory]

Do any of my followers suffer from Selective Mutism? I'm only saying this, because my therapist thinks, I had it as a child. Not so much now, but definitely as a child.

I was sexually assaulted, when I was 6 to the day I left my family. I was sexually assaulted from 6-16 years by the sperm donor. Also by my mother from since I could remember to 22, when I left my family 9 years ago.

Every time I was sexually assaulted, it was hard for me to talk. It felt like I had a lump in my throat, so it just created this stutter and I couldn't talk.

I got bullied a lot as a kid too and that didn't help with talking too. I got bullied for the way my voice sounded, so I changed my voice to different acents or tone, so people can like me. But that didn't help with me not talking, I thought it did.

My mother was extremely abusive towards me and she would speak for me. But she didn't have the best intentions for me, so I always have to be fake around her. If not, I was punished for talking. Even talking about my hobbies, like fashion and makeup, it was forbidden.

I could only talk to certain friends and family members when I was child, because my stutter and not talking to certain people, really effected me. Anytime I was in a certain scenario, I just couldn't talk. I could talk to some family friends because they were apart of church and they came over to my home all the time. Other than that, it was really hard.

More recently (about 2 years ago), I was involved with a community drama group that just straight up used me. I nearly got into working a professional theatre, before they got jealous and ruined it for me. During one meeting, I found out they used me, so they could perform at the opera house where I live (they only performed at the community theatre. So for them performing at the opera house, a professional theatre was a big deal) and they used me so they could perform there. I was in shock and I didn't say anything during the meeting. It felt like I had a lump in my throat, I couldn't move at all and my body was stiff. Hearing my own community drama group, who I thought were my friends, using me. Saying horrible things about me, in front of me and I couldn't say a thing. It was humiliating. My body wasn't my own at that point, when I got home. I just cried. Don't worry I did leave them and I don't speak to them anymore.

I did try to go on the sub Reddit for selective mutism, but they always argued that it's only anxiety. So they tend to dismiss my trauma and I'd rather not talk on there. It always felt, invalidating.

I'm only talking about this now because my therapist said I suffered from Selective Mutism as a child. Since I left, I can now finally speak and since I'm living on my own, it forced me to talk and yeahh it was difficult, but helped me in the long run. I do have problems for talking, for instance the drama group. But that's it.

That's my story. Sorry for the grammar.

#selective mutism #selective mutism in adults #cptsdhealing #living with cptsd #cptsd vent #cptsd problems #cptsd thoughts #actually cptsd #just cptsd things #tw cptsd #actually ptsd #cptsd tag #cptsd #c ptsd

[mycptsdstory]

🪻

healing is personal...

...and it's a process.

you don't have to share it. you don't have to hide it. you don't have to speak about it. you don't have to do it a particular way.

all you need to do, is acknowledge it from time to time. let yourself feel it. affirm it to your mind, even if it's only 1% better right now.

don't ignore the efforts of your existence ✨

[mycptsdstory]

It’s okay to mourn the things you lost because of trauma. Including the time you lost. But try not to forget you still have time ahead of you. You can never get the lost time back but you can still find happiness.

[mycptsdstory]

#twitter quotes #twitter post #twitter meme #cptsd meme #cptsd memes #ptsd meme #ptsd memes #meme #memes #quote of the day #quote of the week #life quote #friendship #friendships #cptsdhealing #living with cptsd #cptsd vent #cptsd problems #cptsd thoughts #actually cptsd #just cptsd things #tw cptsd #actually ptsd #cptsd tag #friend advice #friendship advice

[mycptsdstory]

To add; "They left out that children aren’t your purpose in life. They shouldn’t give your life meaning. That’s something you should have already had."

Tweets and this comment found on Reddit.

[mycptsdstory]

Healing is not a race or competition of any sort. 

If I see someone healing, I am going to root for you. Regardless of where I am at in my healing.

Take your time. Do healing in a way that is right for you. I am here to cheer you on. And I imagine others are too. <3 

[mycptsdstory]

The truth is that yes, sometimes our fears will be true and people will be mad at us or upset with us.

But you know what? That doesn’t mean they’ve stopped caring about you. And it doesn’t mean you’re terrible.

[mycptsdstory]

Even if the abuse didn’t “feel bad” at the time, it was still abuse. And you are still allowed to feel whatever you feel about it. 

[mycptsdstory]

It's okay if you hate your abuser. It's okay if you love your abuser. It's okay if you're indifferent towards your abuser.

[mycptsdstory]

[mycptsdstory]

You don't need everyone to like you. I understand this can be an overwhelming trauma response to being neglected and otherwise hurt as a kid without the comfort and reassurance of our parents. But please try to remember that your worth is not dependent on how many people can love you. You have something much more important and worth protecting-- your heart and soul and mind and spirit. Not everyone you meet in this world is gonna resonate and vibe with you on those same levels. You've got to get comfortable with the concept of being misunderstood or feeling out of place-- and, rather than fawn to fit in, take that as a sign to find the spaces and people who can better appreciate you for it.

[mycptsdstory]

[mycptsdstory]

I just want to sleep the day away, until I feel better. But that's not gonna happen.

My family got away with their attempted murder. They tried to murder me and they got away with it.

I wish I could leave England tomorrow and never go back.

No anxiety meds are helping me with this feeling; my family got away with attempted murder.

No meds will help me right now.

I don't want "thoughts and prayers" or "sending love". I want results.

My family really did get away with attempted murder.

They got away with stalking me, they got away with harassing me. They got away with talking to my friends. They got away when I lost jobs.

They got away with it.

No meds, no prayers, no nothing will get rid of this feeling. The feeling of, my family got away with attempted murder. My family tried to kill me and they got away with it.

I will never accept the reality of "but the police tried to give you justice" HA! My ass they tried. They got away with attempted murder. My family tried to fucking kill me and they got away with it.

#my thoughts #cptsd #c ptsd

[mycptsdstory]

Am I getting justice or not?

I can't have both.

#thoughts #feeling defeated #CPTSD #c ptsd