#the usual notes apply! i would be very glad to change anything that needs to be improved or altered in any way!

[behindyourbarrette]

Star Light, Star Bright

summary: The team goes camping on a long weekend. Turns out, it’s really easy to tell someone how you feel when you’re under a starry night sky. 

pairing: spencer reid/reader

category: fluff, start to finish

warnings/includes: mention of food, a mild burn

work count: 4.1k

a/n: this is my fav thing i’ve written in a HOT SECOND. enjoy! pls reblog if you feel inclined, it helps me out a ton!

check it out on ao3

---

You’ve never found chicken pox to be more of a miracle.

In truth, you are a little saddened that Jack’s Boy Scout troop all got sick and their camping trip had to be postponed. This does not change the fact that you’re elated at the opportunity to nab Hotch’s campsite reservation. The team jumped at the chance for a vacation, the promised long weekend only truly promised in places without cell service.

You pick Spencer up early, the first of many people you’ve offered to drive out to the mountains. After tossing a very heavy-sounding duffel bag into your trunk, he clambers into the passenger seat. He strikes you as a little nervous—he won’t quite look at you as you wind your way out of D.C and towards the countryside.

“I’ve never been camping before, actually.” He says it quietly, mid-conversation about Boy Scouts and the safety of camping with children. There’s a 5-mile radius around Quantico where work is the only thing you can really think about. As you turn onto the highway, hands flexing against the wheel, you’re glad to be free of the office.

“Really? Never?”

It makes sense, the longer his sentence sits on your tongue. Vegas isn’t the most hospitable environment to camp in. You make a mental note to thank your parents for raising you on the East Coast, where the forests are frequent and the soil is actually fertile.

“Yeah. I’m not sure, I’m, uh, really suited for it.” You look at him now, the slight sadness in his eyes, and there are a thousand things you’d like to say. Instead, you reach across the center console, squeezing his hand in yours. Before he can say anything, you’ve returned your hand to the wheel, eyes fixed on the horizon. 

---

You’ve lived in Virginia for a few years, but somehow you’ve never found it this breathtaking. You have no idea how you got roped into driving, given that Derek and Emily usually take the wheel, but you’re far from complaining. As you wind through the forest, the canopy of leaves casting a filter of sunshine over the ground, you’re left speechless. The trees part in favor of the dirt road, and you find yourself absorbed in the surplus of green and foliage as you drive.

“There’s over 15,000 acres of this. It’s the largest protected land preserve in the tri-state area.”

You turn your head to watch Spencer murmur, still absorbed in a book. For the first time, you notice that he’s wearing a polo shirt and a beanie that Penelope knit him for Christmas. The whole sight is so...un-Spencer like that you’re torn between finding it endearing and concerning. You gulp down everything you want to tell him, swallowing all of the unidentifiable feelings in your throat.

“I’m excited. I love camping. My dad used to take me here all the time.” He perks up at this, and closes his book. You nod, pursing your lips into a smile. You steal a quick glance at the backseat, where Penelope and Derek have fallen asleep.

“Can you keep a secret?”

You have Spencer’s attention now. He nods so vehemently you laugh, tearing your eyes away from his in favor of focusing on the road.

“I wanted to be a park ranger when I was younger.” You’re only a little embarrassed of this; the jump from environmentalist to federal agent is just laughable enough to warm your cheeks. Spencer’s eyes widen.

“Really? How did you—I mean, when did you decide to be a—actually, I take it back. Hugging trees is beneficial for your health, after all.” He smirks, and you reach out to punch him on the arm. He rubs the spot absently, a grin forming on his face as your blush deepens. You try to portray yourself to the team as someone who’s a little tougher than the little girl who cried when she found out that people litter in National Parks. With Spencer, it’s different. Still, you can’t bank on what he will or won’t tell Derek.

“If you tell anyone, I will kick your ass. Forget it.” You get the sense that you are not going to live this down. To your advantage, it’s Spencer who blushes this time, his cheeks warming a delicate pink.

“I can’t forget it, actually. I have an eidetic—ow!”

---

The campsite is glorious.

Or, as Penelope would put it, rustic. It’s the perfect happy medium between the forest and the lake nearby, with a trail leading to the beach just a few feet from the site. The trees filter out just enough sun so that it’s pleasantly warm out. There’s ample space for a few tents, and a bear locker. You’re seated at a picnic bench with the girls, unloading the food and cooking supplies as the boys attempt to put together tents. From what you can see and hear, it sounds like Derek is muscling his way through it, much to Spencer and Hotch’s chagrin.

“You’re glowing. What’s got you in such a good mood?” Emily nudges you in the side, a sly smile on her face as she screws the propane line into the campstove. You flush, and shrug your shoulders.

“I love camping. I’m just excited to be here with you guys.”

Penelope reaches across the table to hug you. She’s dressed perfectly for the occasion: you don’t think you’ve ever seen bedazzled hiking boots before, but there’s a first time for everything.

“You know, I’m surprised Spence came. He normally skips out on these kinds of things.” JJ looks back at you from the bear locker, where she’s stacking cans of soup and Hotch’s cooler. Her gaze lingers on you for a moment, but you look towards Spencer before she can say anything else. He’s managing to put up his tent surprisingly well; he’s only struggling with the final few posts as he stumbles around the uneven ground. You turn back to JJ, shrugging.

“I mean, I think he can appreciate the outdoors. He’s probably read Walden.”

Emily laughs, and you feel as though the conversation has finally let up. JJ has a point, but as soon as you had asked Spencer if he was coming, he had agreed. He doesn’t look particularly out of place, either. Over the course of the past hour, he’s somehow inherited a pair of sunglasses and a red flannel. You look away, pursing your lips.

“Okay, I think we’re done.” Derek calls, waving his arm to catch your attention. There are now five small tents, only a little crinkled and trampled over. Emily nods in approval, nudging one of them with the tip of her boot. It only shakes a little.

“Good job, guys. They look...structurally sound.” Hands on your hips, you bend to inspect the guys’ handiwork. Spencer winces as you tug on a tent’s zipper, and it whines in protest. You shrug, smiling as you straighten.

“We should check out the lake.” Derek gestures to the blue expanse of water in the distance, and Penelope squeals. You hear the sound of metal clinking together, and turn.

It’s Hotch, holding what you assume to be a fishing pole. While this should be very surprising, you can’t come up with anything funny to say. Emily makes a joke about the catch of the day, and Hotch doesn’t laugh.

“Are there canoes involved? I didn’t bring a suit.” JJ asks, arms crossed over her chest. You nod, pointing to the rental shack on the eastern side of the lake.

“You guys ready to get some sun?”

---

“You look cute in hiking boots, princess.” You should not find this as funny as you do. Maybe it’s the fact that Derek definitely had Penelope apply some sort of oil to his biceps while they were in a tent; there’s no way that he just naturally glistens like that. You squint up at him, shrugging your shoulders. While your outfit is a little unorthodox—you remembered to bring a bikini, but forgot water shoes—it’ll work just fine. Spencer enters your peripheral vision, wrinkling his nose in Derek’s direction. You resist the urge to smile at this.

“Spence.”

You get his attention, catching up to him in just a few steps. The beach is pretty, lacking in sand but perfectly cool and sunny. He’s wearing too-big sunglasses and, surprisingly, Bermuda shorts. You trudge along the rocky path, handing him a bottle of sunscreen.

“Come on, I need your help. Sunscreen me.”

He seems shocked, fiddling with the bottle. You turn your back to him, raising your arms as you walk backwards, waiting to hit him before you stop.

“Is sunscreen a verb?” His voice is a little hoarse, and you smirk.

“Would you prefer lotion? Massage?” You tease, and you can practically feel him tense up.

“N-no, I wouldn’t. Hold your hair up.”

You oblige, and it takes everything in you not to sigh as he rubs the cool sunscreen into your back. He has really, really big hands and nimble fingers. Biting your lip, you conjure a mental image of them. You feel a little silly for imagining his hands when he’s right there, but you don’t want him to stop touching you. He coats your skin, movements deft and purposeful. You turn, reaching for the bottle.

“Take off your glasses. Your turn.” You like being a little bossy; he flushes as you reach up to spread the lotion across his cheeks, dabbing gently. He exhales slowly, relaxing into your touch.

“Let’s go. You’re my canoe buddy.”

His mouth falls open in surprise, and an evil part of your brain wonders how it would feel to kiss it. The thought is gone before you can act on it, though, and you wave him towards the shore. He stands still, lingering by the campsite.

“I was going to read on the beach, actually—”

“Nope. Come on! I need a partner.”

—-

The lake is cool, and you make yourself busy by being a very unhelpful canoeing partner. Spencer is rowing surprisingly well, scooping water from below and propelling the boat forward. You, on the other hand, are focused on stretching out in the boat. The sun is deliciously warm on your skin, and the occasional splash of water is heaven to the touch.

“You know, there are two sets of oars. We’d get the most momentum if you rowed, too.”

“Okay, fine, I’ll row. I’m not any good at it, though. That’s why I needed a partner.” You pat him on the shoulder affectionately, reaching for the other oar. The motion tips the canoe forward a little, and panic flashes across Spencer’s face.

“Don’t do that again. I do not want to end up in this lake. Do you know how many bacteria are in most man made lakes? You don’t want to know.”

You are many things, but you are not a quitter. Testing the waters, you lean forward again as you row, a little out of sync with Spencer’s strokes.

“Please don’t capsize,”

Hotch calls out from the shore, and Spencer shoots you a look as if to say listen. You shrug, continuing to row and occasionally shifting your weight. The look on his face is worth it.

“You know how to swim, right?”

You ask, voice low and as inconspicuous as you can manage. This backfires—Spencer turns around to shake his head, unbalancing the boat. He lets go of his oar, tightening the strap on his life vest. You cling to the sides, laughing as you try to steady the canoe.

“Not funny. You know, boating related accidents are incredibly common.”

His voice drifts off as Derek and Emily’s boat passes by. Their sportsmanship is admirable; they’re working as a perfect unit, quickly propelling their canoe forward with quick rowing and a lot of effort.

Spencer is scolding you half-heartedly when you get caught in their wake. You couldn’t have steadied the boat if you tried; and before you can react the canoe is upside down and you’re cast into the cool blue.

“I’m going to contract a brain-eating amoeba.”

Spencer coughs, bobbing to the surface. You emerge a few moments later, laughing, and reach for him.

“Worth it. You have plenty of brains to be eaten, genius.”

You watch him try to contain his smile the entire way to the shore.

---

You’re drying off as the sun sets, splashes of pink and purple coating the sky. It’s incredible; over the lake you can see the entire expanse of fields and forest, laid out like a painting.

“You guys brought food, right?”

Emily calls out from the picnic bench. She’s toweling off, sunglasses in her hair as she jokes with Morgan. You nod, turning back to Spencer.

He’s thoroughly drenched. You feel a little guilty for tipping the boat over; he’s spent a decent amount of time wringing out his clothes, and as night falls a chill builds in the air. After pulling a jacket on, you toss him a towel.

“That was fun.”

Your eyes widen a little, genuine surprise lodging itself in your throat. He takes in the look on your face, smiling lightly.

“Better than reading on the beach?” You offer, but this is too good to be true.

“Marginally.”

You frown, suppressing a smirk as you catch the scent of propane drifting through the air. You both head in the direction of the camp stove, where Hotch is fiddling with the gas tank.

“That looks...unsafe.” Spencer mutters, brow furrowed.

Hotch shoots him a look, and you both back off in favor of finding Morgan and Garcia, who are attempting to start a bonfire.

You don’t expect this to happen.

Spencer is arguably your best friend. He’s been there for you through thick and thin. For better or for worse, you’ve had each other. This trip was supposed to be unifying, and a small part of you had even hoped that maybe, just maybe, it’d give you the bravery to say what you’ve been thinking for a while.

“I cannot believe you intentionally burn your marshmallows.”

Spencer is looking at you like you’ve committed a crime; you are very familiar with this expression, but being on the receiving end of it is new. Thankfully, you’re ready to defend your stance to near-death. A somewhat maniacal grin on your face, you stab another marshmallow onto a skewer and shove it directly into the fire.

“I’m with Pretty Boy on this one. That’s just cruel. It doesn’t even heat it all the way through.” You scowl in Derek’s direction, turning back to your now on-fire marshmallow. You pull it out of the flame, watching it sear as the group murmurs in distaste. It only took three hours to start a fire, and by that time Emily had managed to heat a can of soup on the campstove. Spirits were relatively high, all things considered.

You watch in wonder as the marshmallow curves, melting just how you like it. Before you can stop it, it falls straight down onto your leg.

“Shit. That’s like, on fire.”

You say, your voice rising in pitch and volume as it becomes increasingly clear that not only is the marshmallow very, very hot but it is not coming off. The group springs into unsure action, voices loud and panicked as you push away from both your chair and the fire. The physics of melting sugar be damned, Derek manages to scrape it off with his skewer, and you’re left with a very attractive hole in your pants and a patch of tender skin.

“How do you love camping?” JJ asks, eyes wide as she watches you brush yourself off. Stabbing another marshmallow onto your skewer, you shrug.

“It’s all part of the fun.”

This time, you don’t set your marshmallow on fire. You mimic Spencer, who is carefully rotating his marshmallow. There has to be a system for what he’s doing; he’s laser-focused on the fire, his entire face lit up by the flickering red and orange light. You lean in, and before long you fall into a rhythm of roasting a marshmallow to golden-brown perfection, then pressing it into a graham cracker. Emily is incredible at assembling s’mores, and by time the fire is just a few crackling embers everyone has a little chocolate smeared over their faces.

“I’m really glad we did this.” JJ’s voice is just above a whisper. She’s leaning against Emily, the two of them sharing a blanket as the fire slowly fades. Hotch nods sagely, a rare smile on his face.

“It’s nice. A break. Some fresh air. Trees.” You gesture to the forest around you, unable to contain a sheepish grin. When you look to your right, Spencer’s smiling too. Penelope squeezes your hand. As you watch the last log burn into ash, you wonder how you got so lucky.

---

Later, everyone is too tired to stargaze.

This fact wounds you deeply. Stargazing is your favorite part of camping; there is absolutely nothing that parallels the experience of driving away from the city and looking up into the constellations. To your dismay, everyone is in their tents by the time it’s dark enough to see the winks of light overhead.

You begrudgingly get ready for bed; stepping around the campsite, it’s clear to see that everyone has mostly turned in for the night. Derek and Penelope’s tent is dark. Emily, Hotch, and JJ are all snoring at varying volumes. Spencer’s light is on; you can see his shadow, leaning over to peer at a book. You brush your teeth, swatting bugs away as you stumble towards your tent.

You manage to spend thirty minutes in your tent before you lose your patience. This entire camping trip has been a dream; no work, no cell service, and the people you care about. You’ll be damned if you let it pass you by without checking absolutely everything off your list. You step, a little wobbly, towards the front of your tent. You tug the zipper open, trying to stay as quiet as possible.

On shaking legs, you tug your hiking boots on, the evening cold nipping at your ankles. Despite your attempts to lessen the noise, you watch Spencer’s shadow waver.

“Spence!” You stage-whisper, praying to every deity you can think of that he’s awake and the rest of the team isn’t. To your immediate relief, you watch him tug the zipper of his tent down and emerge, swatting at a few lingering mosquitoes. He looks a little cold; his cheeks are pink and he’s rubbing at his arms. The sight of him in a hoodie and flannel pajama pants is more endearing than you’d expect, and you exhale to clear your head.

“What’s going on?”

He rubs the sleep out of his eyes, and you point to the sky. He takes a cursory glance up, and you watch his jaw fall slack as he takes in the starry skies.

“Come on. We can see better from over there.”

You wave him towards the beach. You know exactly where you’re headed; while you’ve never camped in this specific spot, you know how to reach your favorite place to stargaze. Spencer looks at you with something between curiosity and admiration as you lead the way with a flashlight. The forest is still awake and responsive at this hour, crickets chirping and leaves rustling as you step through the greenery.

You find it quickly; the boardwalk is unmistakable. It’s a field, like the ones you’ve been surrounded by all day. Spencer identifies the leaves as rhubarb plants as you step onto the wooden pathway. While any field would work, this one is ideal; the sky opens up as far as the eye can see, the trees parting to admire the world above.

“Here.” You turn off your flashlight, allowing your eyes to adjust to the low, blue moonlight. Spencer follows you as you crouch, laying with your back to the boardwalk. This is what you came for.

“Oh my God.” Your face splits into a grin once you hear Spencer’s voice, low and gravelly against your ear. The sky above is endless; all you can see is the expanse of the stratosphere, stars bright and darkness vast over your heads. You tear up a little; you always do. It feels like the universe is leaning down to meet you in the middle, pressing its face to yours.

“Tell me what you see. I know that you know what we’re looking at.”

You scoot a little closer, trying to absorb a little of his warmth. Eyes still fixed on the sky, Spencer begins.

“There’s so little light pollution. I...I’ve never seen this many stars at once.” His eyes narrow a little, and you watch as he absorbs the world above him.

“That’s Orion.” He points to a collection of stars to your left, a few brighter than the others.

“Those three in a row, that’s his belt. You might be able to see his bow, too, to the right.

The brightest one is six hundred and forty light years away. Betelgeuse.” His voice has dropped to a whisper, and you follow his every word. You can see the warrior above you, the stars winking at you as Spencer describes them.

You fall quiet after a few minutes, and the only sound is that of your slow, synced breaths. You feel as though Spencer has peeled the sky open and revealed it to you; with him, you can see another world entirely.

“We’re looking into the past right now.”

You turn to look at him, a laugh ready to bubble past your lips. You look back up at the sky, where he’s pointed to the Big Dipper.

“That’s Dubhe. We’re seeing light from before we were born.”

You nod, a tear sliding down your cheek and cooling before it reaches your nose. There is so much you would like to tell him before you are both light, visible in this moment from somewhere far away.

As you stare up into the starscape, you gasp. There’s a shooting star, dragging across the Pleiades and heading towards the western skies.

“Make a wish,” You breathe. Before you lose your nerve, you reach out to Spencer, lacing your fingers together. Turning your head, you watch as he grins up at the sky. His features are softer when drenched in moonlight; the slope of his nose, the arch of his cheekbones, the line of his jaw all bathed in a dreamy quality.

After the shooting star winks out, trailing across the dark and blinking into nothing, the silence feels heavier.

“What did you wish for?”

You’re sure that he can hear your heartbeat. The steady thrum of your heart against your ribcage is a drum, urging you forward. You watch his brow knit in consideration, before his gaze finally meets yours. His eyes are more hazel than you’ve ever noticed, each fleck of gold striking you as a star.

“If I tell you, it won’t come true.”

His voice is soft, laced with something solemn beneath the surface. You nod, stealing a glance at the sky before you swallow your fear.

"I wished for you." You say quietly.

You don’t know who moves first, only that there’s a brief shuffle before you’re holding each other. He reaches to cradle your face in his hands, pressing a kiss to your forehead, then your nose, before finally reaching your lips. Your hands ghost over his jaw, trailing down his neck as he laces his fingers into your hair. You can’t quite breathe, nor think, only repeat a simple refrain over and over, a prayer passing over your lips and into the dark.

Spencer.

---

The sun rises lazily, pink and orange brushstrokes against a blue sky. You’re awake early—to put it lightly, Spencer’s tent is cramped—and it feels good to breathe in the morning air. The team is still asleep, a few yards away as you stretch and take in the cool dawn.

You think maybe, this is all a dream. You’re not sure how else this would exist, so perfectly and wholly true. The universe is a benevolent thing, after all. There is no other explanation for Spencer Reid, the man the world got right.

“You have pancake batter in your hair,” You say, a little mournfully but still laughing. Still layered in jackets and hats, you feel as though you’re being warmed from the inside out. Spencer’s eyes widen, and he reaches up with a batter-covered hand to feel his hair. You laugh again, a little too loudly this time, and he shushes you between chuckles.

The campstove is quiet, the gas running blue as Spencer flips a pancake over. You neglected to tell him that folding the pancake mix in slowly would prevent...explosions. If you had warned him, you wouldn’t have the chance to kiss the flour off of his face, smiling against his cheeks. With a mittened hand, you brush the powder off of his eyelashes.

“Chocolate chips, right?”

You smile, nodding. He remembers how you like your pancakes. Turning away from him, you rifle through a storage bin for something you packed.

“Are you looking for syrup? It’s over here.” He calls, his voice soft against the hushed sounds of morning. The birds have begun to chirp, calling to each other in alternating duets. You shake your head, and present him with a contraption.

His eyes light up, and he looks at you with something a little wild and entirely resembling devotion. You reveal with your other hand a bag of coffee grounds from the coffee shop near your house, grinning up at him.

“I can’t believe you brought me a French press.”

You grin, turning your face as your cheeks burn. Maybe you had hoped this would happen, in slightly different words. After you both tuck into your pancakes, leaning over a plate on the same side of a picnic bench, you watch the sunrise. A bundle of puffy jackets and intertwined hands, you press your back into Spencer’s embrace.

As you watch the moon recede into the horizon, you hope that your past is standing hand and hand, gazing at you fondly.

#spencer reid fic #spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #disco writes #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid oneshot #fic writing #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds self insert

[bookishofalder]

Rainy Days

Spencer x Reader

Request: @starwithoutdarkness - Hey! I heard you were looking for requests! Maybe Spencer Reid x reader fake dating fluff? Combined with Request: @paulaern  - Hello!  What about Spencer Reid x reader when they realizes they love each other? Like reader makes something for Spencer and he thinks like "I can't deny anymore, I'm completely and hopeless in love with her" or something like that  (G!neutral if you want)

A/N: Thank you so much for sending in requests! Hope this makes you smile!

Warnings: Swearing, moderate BAU violence, creepy men, fluffiest fluff, intense headache description. Set randomly post prison Reid but Hotch is still there because he should have been! WC-2,488

Spencer was staring at the geo-profile he had been working on all day, very glad to be inside. The weather in Seattle had stayed consistently rainy for the two days the BAU team had been in town assisting in catching a killer, who had been committing serial robberies/murders with no apparent rhyme or reason. And while Spencer didn’t mind the rain, he did mind loud, busy cities. Combined, they usually led to a headache that would take a day or two to recover.

The door to the conference room he was working alone in burst open and slammed shut so suddenly he nearly jumped out of his skin, turning to see-

You.

Spencer hated it when you appeared without warning, catching him entirely off guard and presenting the risk that you would notice the visible effort it took for him to compose himself around you.

While he’d noticed how beautiful and hilarious and empathetic you were the moment you joined the team, he’d fallen in love with you when you had your first case with them. Spencer had begun to ramble about the specifics of casinos, and how ‘beating the house’ was nearly impossible, when the rest of the team had tuned out. A temporary member, Agent Seaver, had sneered ‘I’m sorry I asked.” Effectively shutting him up. But then you had turned in your seat next to him and, after shooting Seaver a look had asked him to continue. And though he didn’t have that much more to say, and it wasn’t all that interesting, you listened to every single word and thanked him.

It had been years since that had happened, your friendship had blossomed into best friends, something Spencer cherished immensely. This was partly why he shoved his feelings down. The relationship did not need to change for Spencer to remain happy; as long as he got to spend time with you at work, or watch movies and make tent forts in his living room. And visit his mom (who adored you and always gave you book recommendations that you would be sure to read the moment you could), or go to comic conventions and museums...yes, as long as he could always do those things with you, he was happy.

No need to risk changing a perfect thing.

Now though, you were shutting the door and giving him your most panicked look, wide-eyed, with your hair damp from the rain you no doubt had run through to get inside, accounting for your breathlessness. If it weren’t for the worry that had sprung up inside of him upon seeing your expression, he would have fixated on how beautiful you looked at that moment.

“Spencer, you’re my boyfriend.” You whisper yelled at him, quickly stepping closer and setting your bag down on the conference table.

“Wha-“ He began, but you cut him off frantically.

“I’ll explain-just, oh fuck-“

Spencer stood frozen to the spot as the door reopened and one of the senior detectives sauntered in, a friendly smile somewhat overshadowed by the almost predatorial glint in his eyes. You awkwardly stepped closer to Spencer, raising a hand in hello.

“Agent (Y/L/N), great to see you’re back, I was hoping to catch you before the end of the day!” He said merrily, placing two hands on the back of the nearest chair. Something about the way his hands gripped the chair made Spencer feel...on edge.

You gave the fakest little giggle Spencer had ever heard from you, “Oh, nice to see you too Detective! Just had to catch up with Agent Reid here...”

When his eyes moved from you to assess Spencer briefly, he felt a protective force rear up, instincts entirely at alert. Without hesitating, he casually draped an arm over your shoulder, brushing some hair back as he did, and replied, “And you promised we could get some coffee from the Starbucks down the road, hon.”

He enjoyed the way your cheeks flushed and noticed the pulse in your neck pick up. You glanced up at him, trying to look coy but he knew you too well and could see you were partly surprised, and also trying not to laugh.

“Um, of course, I nearly forgot, babe, let’s go in about 5-unless, did you need something specific, Detective?” She broke off to glance back at the now scowling man, who gave an annoyed jerk of his head before stomping back out of the room.

Once the door banged closed behind him, you let out the biggest sigh of relief, raising a hand to your face in dismay.

Spencer hadn’t removed his arm yet, “I’m assuming I just helped you avoid being asked out, but why-?”

“Uhg, Spencer, I’ve already turned him down TWICE since we’ve arrived! He’s literally the kind of dude who doesn’t take no for an answer unless another man has some fucking misogynistic claim over the woman!” You exclaimed, before moving to stand right in front of Spencer and lean just your head to his chest, staring down at the floor, “I hate everything.”

Spencer laughed, patting your back softly, but internally making note that he wouldn’t be letting you go anywhere alone for the rest of this case-that detective gave him the creeps. And while you were beyond capable of protecting yourself, he just knew he wouldn’t be able to focus on anything if he thought you could be hurt.

“Well, just so we’re clear I would never want to be called ‘babe’ in a relationship.” He joked and the desired effect was his immediate reward when you lifted your head and giggled-your genuine, beautiful little giggle-and then grinned.

“Spencer, you called me ‘hon’ like we were 70.”

Spencer considered a moment, “We could be, you’ll be Gladys and I’ll be-“

“Winston!” You supplied eagerly, and he frowned at you, trying not to laugh.

“Winston?”

“It’s really very dignified, the kind of name where people call you ‘sir’.” You replied cheekily, and while Spencer grinned, a part of him felt a swoop of pleasure when your lips formed the word ‘sir’.

He decided very quickly that he liked the idea of you calling him that. And then, just as swiftly dismissed that train of thought and chastised himself.

As you both stood together and laughed, the door swung open and Hotch and the team followed him in, all in various stages of the results of exposure to the rain, looking equally grim. Spencer and you abruptly stopped when you saw their expressions and launched back into work mode seamlessly.

———

Two days later, the team was closing in on the unsub and everyone was on high alert. Taking the profile and applying it to the geo-profile he had been working on, Spencer had narrowed down this grubby old apartment that sat above a nightclub as the most likely spot the unsub was staying at. Of course, they were arriving at night which meant the club was busy and loud, people lined up out the doors waiting for their chance to enter, pay too much for a drink and grind their bodies against strangers.

Spencer’s headache from the unforgiving rain was thrumming now with the music that seemed entirely unencumbered by the walls of the stairwell, the team slowly climbing. It was bad enough that his eyes narrowed somewhat, but he didn’t lose focus.

You were behind him, watching his six as Hotch and Morgan approached the door ahead and prepared to breach. Spencer slipped a hand behind his back and, on cue, you’re pinky wrapped with his. A brief promise to each other, ‘I’ve got you.’.

They had anticipated violence and heavy arms, so when their announcement was met with silence and the door was kicked open, the tactical response was to secure positions and carefully proceed. Agents and SWAT members lined the building and were, at that moment, securing the club below to ensure the unsub couldn’t flee into a room full of potential hostages.

Spencer and you were the third pair to enter, quickly moving ahead of the others to secure more rooms, eyes peeled for movement. The floor was covered in litter and random spots of dirt and dried substances. It smelled like body odour and axe body spray-which immediately went to Spencer’s headache and caused it to throb in protest.

“Freeze!”

You had shouted right as Spencer noticed the movement from a back room down the hall, as the unsub leaned out and, not abiding by the command, opened fire. Spencer grabbed you and swung you both behind the wall of the kitchen, out of the line of fire while he shouted the unsubs location.

You recovered quickly, dropping to the ground and leaning out to return fire as Hotch and Morgan ran across to the living room to join the battle. It only took a few moments after that before Morgan managed to get a shot to the suspect's shoulder and he fell with a cry of anguish.

You popped up from the ground, watching as Prentiss and Rossi moved forward to secure the man, and barked into your radio for medics to come in.

Spencer, meanwhile, was reeling. When the shots in the room had all joined together in a cacophony, sound and noise piercing his skull, it had converted to pain and panic in his skull, overwhelming him. He had used his own body to shield yours when he pulled you with him into the wall, and the caution he took with you meant he hadn’t caught himself carefully enough, his head bouncing lightly off of the stone wall.

Which, on a normal day would have simply been annoying. But today, with a headache so severe he was beginning to get spots in his vision, it was detrimental. The scene was secure, so he allowed his eyes to shut, a meagre reprieve but at least it was something, at least he didn’t have to see the beams from the flashlights or the pulsing of the neon signs outside of the windows...

“Winston, take my hand.” Your voice was so, so soft. Spencer let his mouth open slightly, a small rush of air all he managed, trying to say ‘I can’t-it hurts, make it stop’ but you grasped his hand tightly and pulled and he followed, his other hand reaching and grabbing that back of your vest, he let you lead him.

He knew from the reduced foot traffic of agents and crime scene workers that you were taking the rear exit, a stairwell that was narrower than the main. He peeked through his lashes to take the stairs, and then suddenly, the cool night air hit him and the door was closing behind you both.

You kept walking with purpose, leading Spencer further away from the loud building. The rain spattered his face but with each step the noise reduced and after a short walk it became relatively quiet.

“Sit.” You murmured, halting. Spencer opened his eyes and saw that you had led him to the farthest spot in the parking lot from the building, where trees lined the lot along a community park that was probably utilized by vagrants and drug dealers more than families. But there was a bench, and you were waiting for him to take a seat. You had pulled out a compact, expandable emergency rain shield from one of the pockets on your FBI utility belt and tossed it on the bench, protecting you both from soaking your underwear.

Spencer sat, setting his elbows on his legs and leaning forward with his hands pressed to his face. He took deep, steadying breaths as you joined him, your hand on the back of his neck. At first, he thought you were just resting it there because his FBI vest would have prevented him from feeling your hand on his back, however, a moment later it was joined by your other hand and a very cold object.

Resisting the urge to pull away, he gasped at the contact, “What-?”

“On-the-go cold compress, Doctor.” You explained, leaving it in place and then rummaging again. Spencer wanted to look but the compress, combined with the quiet, was already doing wonders. He continued to take deep breaths.

“When you’re ready, try this.” You said softly, pressing something to his hand. Opening his eyes, he saw a mini flask that had his name written on the side.

He turned his head slowly so as not to move the compress and met your eyes, which were assessing him with concern. “(Y/N), when did we start drinking on the job?”

You giggled quietly, “It’s just water mixed with this like, vitamin powder that’s supposed to be good for rehydrating you quickly. I did some research on how to help headaches like yours on the go, just in case, and I made this ‘Spencer’ care bag.” You rambled a little when he didn’t reply.

Spencer looked back at the flask and opened it, quickly downing the contents. It tasted pretty fruity and he realized he was thirsty, this taking the edge off.

“Is it okay?” You asked. Spencer raised his head and met your eyes, searching them.

He was overwhelmed, the headache already fading, in its place an intensely warm feeling building inside of him as he considered the time and effort you had taken to care for him. He hadn’t asked you, or hinted, you had just taken it on to find a way to help him and you were right there when he needed you the most.

You had always been there when he needed you. When he had been shot protecting Blake, when he struggled to care for his mother, when he had gone to prison, when he was freed, you were there.

The words tumbled out, unable to be contained a second longer.

“I am hopelessly in love with you.”

Your mouth opened and closed in surprise, taken entirely off guard. Though he worried what you would say, he couldn’t deny the relief he felt having finally said it out loud. He watched patiently as your mind processed his confession, holding his breath.

“I-Spencer,” And then suddenly your lips were pressing into his and the pain from his headache ceased entirely. Spencer was consumed by the feel of you against him, of your hands holding his face and the hum of content you gave when he returned your passion, dropping his flask and sliding his hands up your neck, gripping tenderly.

After what could have been hours, weeks, or years, you both broke apart, pulling back just enough to make eye contact without your eyes crossing. Neither of you let go, your breath puffing out in wisps in the cold night air.

“I love you too,” You breathed, “I could grow old with you, Winston.”

Spencer laughed, relief and happiness swooping through him at your words, “Gladys, I couldn’t imagine anything more perfect.”

Did you enjoy this story? Please consider reblogging or commenting to ease my inner turmoil as a writer. Likes are basically just a bookmark!

You grinned back at Spencer, and then he kissed you again.

#spencer reid x reader #reid x reader #spencer reid #bau x reader #fluff #fake dating #requested #fanfic #reader insert #friends to lovers #best friend #love #mgg x reader #mgg fanfiction

[probably-haven]

Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

-

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should. 

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can.  Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it. 

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself  and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game 

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows. 

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over- 

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings.  I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is. 

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other-  Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action. 

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways. 

 -Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though. 

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips. 

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself. 

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt.  - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing. 

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth.  - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced. 

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports 

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that. 

-

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead. 

#genshin impact #genshin xiao #genshin venti #xiao #venti #xiaoven #genshin analysis #genshin headcanons #xiaoven headcanons #xiaoven analysis #this is a mess i really shouldnt be putting all these tags but oh well #oh wow the grammar and spelling here is truly repulsive #sorry to all my english teachers i have failed you all

[elysiadjarin]

Sword and Shield 6

Tags: Bad Batch x reader (you), fem!coded, poly!relationship, multi-part series, nonhuman!reader, Echo later on

Part 5: https://elysiadjarin.tumblr.com/post/655170472428830720/sword-and-shield-5

Warnings: none really. 

Without further ado, I present to you the moment you’ve all been waiting for. *bows deeply* *backs away*

6: Confessions

You snorted to yourself. Not act on it, that’s for kriffing sure. You sighed, shaking your head. Even if someone wanted to get into a relationship with you — already dangerous territory — why would they even consider accepting you harboring feelings for others? Ridiculous. Everyone you’d ever known besides your Vod’ika had been fiercely possessive of what they viewed as their own — and besides, even the 501st had been super protective and jealous of you in most aspects.

Letting out a heavy sigh, you resigned yourself to suffering in silence as always. They would never know, and you’d simply continue to work with them. Hopefully, best case, your crush would pass and fade away in time. After all, maybe this really was just a reaction to the kindness the Bad Batch had shown you after you’d been neglected for so much of your life.

You staunchly decided that you didn’t want to look further into it than that. Best not fan flames of false hope, after all.

Having made a decision, you refocused on humming and popping the finished three pans into the oven. You moved onto the icing you’d decided to put on the cupcakes. The team ate a lot, after all, and it’s not like you got sweets a lot on missions. The sugar might be a nice pick-me-up or reward for their hard work. Plus, you decided, the ship smelled nice now.

Whisking away at the icing in the chilled bowl, you let the contentment settle over you. Humming to the music, you started to sway a little and step lightly in time to the beat. The ship was warm; you felt content for the time being; and you were where you wanted to be.

“Whoa, what’s that smell?”

You almost started, turning around to see Wrecker in the doorway, staring at you with wide eyes. You felt your face burn as you realized that Crosshair, Hunter, and Wrecker had caught you dancing as you baked. Setting the bowl down, you gave them an embarrassed smile.

“Welcome back. I figured I’d make you some cupcakes-?” You offered, tugging at your hair that you’d put up and out of the way. “I just put them in the oven: I’m making frosting right now.” You picked the bowl back up.

Wrecker blundered into the kitchen, clearly a bit tipsy. His eyes lit up. “Whoa, seriously Shiv?” he exclaimed giddily. “Cupcakes? You’re making them? For us?”

You had to laugh at his flushed cheeks and childish grin of excitement as he plopped himself down on the floor and watched you. “Yes, I know we don’t really get sweets or anything on missions usually, so I figured I’d just... you know. I mean, you all work really hard, you deserve something for it. Plus, I owe you a snack, remember?”

Hunter nodded at you from the door. “Appreciate it, Shiv. I’m going to go back to my quarters for a while,” he mumbled, clearly on sensory overload.

You nodded back. “I’ll leave some for you in the cooler whenever you want some,” you promised. “Please get some rest.”

He nodded, trudging off.

You hesitated, glancing at Crosshair. “Would you... would you like to join, or... or should I just save you some?” you asked tentatively, unsure if the quiet and usually sullen sniper would want to be around.

He glanced at you, and you couldn’t tell if he’d even drunk anything or not. Then he grunted. “Too warm in here. I’ll be in the common room. Thanks for the... stuff.” With a curt nod, he headed off.

You blinked, then took it as a sort of thanks. Crosshair had always been short with everyone, so you took no offense to it; but you’d also realized over time working with him that the fact that he was never outright rude to you was his way of being personable. And the fact that he even sat in the same room as you for periods of time was another silent proof that he, at the very least, didn’t hate you. He normally never complained about working with you either, only making constructive suggestions that, while sometimes terse, weren’t overtly or purposely vitriolic.

You shook yourself and refocused to see Wrecker staring up at you with a sort of stupid grin.

“Are the cupcakes almost done?” he asked eagerly, turning to look at the oven.

You laughed. “Not quite, I just put them in a few minutes ago, so it’ll be another fifteen minutes or so.” You offered him the mixing bowl. “My arm is getting a little tired, can you help? I just need to mix this a little more.”

He took the bowl and started to whisk, still careful even in his tipsy state not to spill too much. Well, he tried, you had to note with some amusement. He still splashed a little, but you weren’t really bothered by it. You’d purposely put extra in there anyway, just to be safe.

“Did you have a good time?” you decided to ask, turning the music down and going to check the timer.

“Yeah! The drinks weren’t too bad, and I got to see a couple of familiar faces,” Wrecker said, still diligently stirring away at the icing. “I mean, I was a little sad when you left, but I knew why, you know? I kinda hoped you’d have fun, not have a bad time.”

You almost froze, desperately trying to calm your heartbeat that had picked up. Straightening, you sent him a jittery smile. “Th-Thanks, Wrecker. You were there, so it wasn’t all bad. It was just one guy.”

He notably cheered up at that. “Good, good,” he said with a decisive nod.

“Oh, can I see the icing? I think it should be done,” you said, trying to change the topic. Your newly-discovered feelings could absolutely not handle any sort of encouragement.

He held it out, glancing into it. “Is it supposed to look like that?”

You peered into the bowl, noting with satisfaction the peaks of the icing. “Yep. Could you put it in the cooler please? Once the cupcakes are out and cooled enough, I can put the icing on.”

He nodded and got up, carefully putting it away in the cooler. He rather gingerly sat down on a chair, then accepted the glass of water you offered.

“Thanks. I think I maybe had one too many,” he said, gulping down the glass.

You gave him a sympathetic smile. “Well, the water should help,” you encouraged.

“Do you drink, Shiv?” Wrecker asked curiously, peering at you.

You blinked, then shook your head. “Never really started in the first place,” you admitted. “I mean, I understand the draw, but I never was allowed to before, and then it just sort of... I don’t know, I figured that after all this time, why start? Caf is my poison of choice, and I don’t fancy the hangovers, not after taking care of the 501st with Kix too many times.” You rolled your eyes fondly at the memory.

“Huh. Makes sense,” he conceded with a nod.

The timer went off just then, so you grabbed the oven mitts and opened the oven. The toothpick came out clean, so you grabbed the trays and set them on the cooling racks, turning off the oven.

“Are they done?”

You hummed and nodded, poking at one. “Yep, they’ve baked all the way through and the top is spongy,” you said in satisfaction. “I knew it would be a good batch.”

“What flavor are they?” Wrecker tilted his head at the trays curiously.

“I made one flavored Nabooian chocolate, the second vanilla, and the third mint,” you answered.

“Whoa, Nabooian chocolate? Isn’t that pretty expensive?” Wrecker looked surprised.

You shrugged. “Yeah, usually, but the GAR usually gets things a little cheaper in bulk and I decided it was worth it this time around. Sometimes you just... need to indulge while you have the opportunity, you know?” You gave him a smile.

He smiled back and nodded. “Yeah... makes sense.”

Once the cupcakes had cooled enough, you carefully lifted them out of the tins and set them on the racks. Grabbing the bowl of icing from the cooler, you started applying it in neat swirls. Wrecker shuffled up behind you, peering over your shoulder at the process.

“They look nice,” he remarked encouragingly.

You glanced up at him with a smile. “I’m glad. I chose a buttercream icing so it would pair well with the flavors.” Once you were finished, you licked your fingers clean of the icing that had gotten smeared in the process. Cleaning out the bowl, you set everything away and began placing the cupcakes in containers. Grabbing a few, you took three plates and placed a few on them to go take to the others. Turning, you smiled up at Wrecker.

“Help me carry these?”

He grabbed two plates, letting you get the other one for Hunter. He followed you down the hall, and you stopped briefly at Hunter’s room. You knocked lightly on the door.

“It’s open,” a voice came from within.

You slipped through the door, then placed the plate on his bunk. “Here you go,” you whispered, trying not to agitate his senses.

He glanced from you to the plate, then nodded. “Thank you, Shiv.”

You just nodded back, then slipped back out and closed the door. Following Wrecker down the hall, you went into the common room to find Tech and Crosshair still there.

“Yo, Cross, Tech, Shiv made us some snacks!” Wrecker said, putting the plates down.

“Oh- the one with more on it is for Tech and Crosshair,” you said quickly, “and the other plate is for you, Wrecker.” Everyone knew that Wrecker ate more than the rest of you, due to his size and genetic mutation.

He grabbed his and sat down, gleefully beginning to tuck into his cupcakes.

“There’s Nabooian chocolate, vanilla, and mint,” you repeated for Crosshair and Tech’s benefit, twisting your fingers in your sleeves. “I hope they’re okay....”

“They’re so good,” Wrecker all but groaned around his mouthful.

You noticed that Tech was still engrossed in his work, so you decided to go and gently tap on his shoulder. He started slightly and looked up at you owlishly.

“Oh, Shiv.”

You gave him a gentle smile. “I know you’re doing good things, but please take a little break? You haven’t eaten or drank anything in a while.” You offered him water and a cupcake.

He blinked down at it, then seemed to automatically reach out and take it. “Oh. Uh... th-thanks, Shiv,” he said hesitantly, looking up at you with a sort of surprise buried in his eyes.

Impulsively, something in you drawn to his wistful expression, you reached out and brushed your fingers briefly through his mussed hair, smoothing the wild strands. “I thought you might be a mint type of person,” you said, giving him a smile.

He took a bite of the cupcake, chewing it thoughtfully. “I do like mint,” he confirmed, then began tucking into the cupcake, almost wolfing it down. He didn’t remark on your gesture, so you decided not to address it and instead turn around.

Crosshair was already halfway through a chocolate one. Glancing up, he lifted the cupcake in a sort of half-salute of acknowledgement.

You smiled back, glad that the sullen trooper seemed to enjoy the treat.

“Hey Shiv, come sit!” Wrecker motioned next to him. He offered you a cupcake once you sat beside him, but you shook your head.

“Oh, I’m okay, thanks. I sort of scraped the batter bowls when I was making them, so I’ve already had a taste.” You shrugged, picking up your datapad. “You enjoy them.”

“Boy am I,” Wrecker enthused, grinning. He polished off the others on his plate, smacking his lips. “These are super good.”

You briefly glanced up at Tech, noting that he’d absently begun on another cupcake while tapping away again at his screen.

“Do you think they’re going to put us through a battle simulation soon?” you asked warily, frowning down at your datapad.

“Statistically, probably,” Tech answered. “It’s been a while since our last one, and they do tend to keep up with us as a modified unit.”

You sighed, shoulders hunching on yourself. “And now I’ve been added to the force,” you concluded glumly.

“Is somethin’ wrong, Shiv? I like the simulations, they’re fun.” Wrecker glanced down at you curiously.

You sighed. “Well, I’m... I’m a weird factor in the whole mess. I’m usually either told to sit out on a simulation because they’re testing the functionality of the troopers, not me; or I’m limited to stun-only weaponry, which is really difficult to hold as a form. I’m made to be a lethal weapon, so my default is to use live ammunition, not training weapons. I can, of course, but it’s an extra thing for me to remember when I’m utilized in a simulator. The Kaminoans really don’t like it when I mess up and damage either their training units or their equipment.”

Tech tilted his head, brushing crumbs off of his lap. “I hadn’t realized it before, Shiv, but what relationship exactly do you have with the Kaminoans? You never really said how you came to be a weapon for a clone unit. Why wouldn’t you have been assigned to a Jedi or an officer?”

You grimaced, tucking your legs up to your chest. “That’s... a long story, Tech. Not that I wouldn’t tell you, but... I don’t think right now is the best time. Besides, I think Sergeant Hunter should be here to hear it, too, as my leader. But for now, I think it’s safe to say that the Kaminoans are interested in replicating my DNA, so using me with a clone force to see how I would react to and mesh with their clones is a convenient experiment for them.”

Tech conceded. “I suppose that’s fair,” he said with a nod. “But we will most likely be asked to participate in a training regimen soon.”

You reached up and brushed hair out of your eyes, feeling the exhaustion creep up on you. “I think I’m going to go to bed.” Standing, you sent everyone a tired smile. “Get some sleep, if you can.”

“Thanks for the cupcakes, Shiv. I’m gonna eat more tomorrow,” Wrecker declared, waving at you.

You nodded and stepped out, shuffling down the hall to your small room. You might have to spend the next couple of nights in the GAR barracks, considering the probable training regimen you’d be called in for tomorrow plus the report you’d have to give to Commander Rex.

You quickly fell asleep, exhausted at the mere thought.

~

Commander Rex raised an eyebrow in vague amusement as he faced you. “You didn’t have to send me an entire comprehensive report, as much as I’m sure the command base will appreciate it.”

You shuffled your feet sheepishly. “Sorry, Commander,” you laughed self-deprecatingly. “You know me.”

He nodded. “I think I do, which is how I also knew that giving you time to compile a report would result in me being able to see data for myself.” Standing, he sighed and clasped his hands behind his back. “I personally see your integration as a success, Shiv. You seem to be integrating into the team very well, and the team seems to accept you. But you also know that my report of success will have a natural repercussion.”

You looked down at your feet. “Tipoca,” you said resignedly.

“Yes,” Rex confirmed with a nod. “Tipoca. The Kaminoans have already requested the presence of Force 99 for checkups, especially since your integration has been considered a success.”

“I figured, Commander,” you said quietly. “I also mentioned it to the team last night. I might have to... tell them.”

“If you think it’s prudent.” Rex left it up to you. Then he sighed, reaching out to place a hand on your shoulder. “It was good to see you again, Shiv. You seem to be thriving in the Bad Batch. But I do have a word of warning.”

You blinked up at him, a little surprised. “Y-Yes?”

“You know that most Regs don’t look on defective clones very... positively. And you already know your own reputation on Tipoca. Keep your head up.”

You nodded. “That’s another reason I’m going to tell them, sir,” you admitted. “They’re probably going to say something, but...” You shrugged your shoulder.

Rex nodded. “General Skywalker asked about you the other day. He seemed pleased to hear that you had found a place with the Bad Batch.”

You had to smile at that, grateful that he’d remembered you. “If you see him again, tell him thank you for thinking of me. I didn’t think he’d remember me.”

“Will do. Go on, Shiv. You probably have to leave soon to get to Kamino on time.”

You nodded. “Have a good day, Commander. And-“ you paused before you headed back out, turning briefly to glance at him. “I hope to the Maker that you see nothing but success on your missions.”

He nodded. “Same to you, Shiv. Take care of yourself and your team out there.”

You left, letting the door slide shut behind you. Walking down the hallways and corridors, you sighed heavily and tried to think about how to tell the Bad Batch about your past. They deserved to know, not only as your teammates but also considering they wouldn’t otherwise understand the routine you’d have to go through once you arrived on Tipoca.

As soon as you got back to the ship, Hunter found you. “Good, you’re back, Shiv. We’ve gotten commands to go to Kamino again.”

You nodded resignedly. “I know. Um, Sergeant, would it be possible to talk to the whole team? I have to explain a few things before we arrive at Kamino. It has to do with why we’re being called there.”

He paused and stared at you for a moment, then nodded. “Gather in the common room once we’re up in the air.”

You nodded, heading off to the common room and trying to think of the best way to go about it. Everything felt... distant, in a strange way. You had to figure out how to distance yourself, at least enough to explain the standard procedure you were always subjected to on Kamino, not to mention what they’d have to look forward to.

Everyone shuffled in once the ship was in hyperspace to find you curled up on one of the seats, staring blankly at the floor. Wrecker plopped himself next to you, while Tech took his usual seat and Crosshair and Hunter sat opposite the three of you.

“So what’s all this about, Shiv?” Hunter asked evenly, opening the floor.

You sighed, uncurling enough to not hide your face. “I know I haven’t said that much about my past, or how I even started working among clone troopers. And now that we’re being called to Kamino, I figured this is probably the best time to tell you about it, since... it’s going to be important.”

You grimaced, reaching up to pull a hand through your hair. “I’ve already said that I’m a weapon, and that there aren’t many of us throughout the galaxy. I’m not the only one, but... definitely one of the few left. I... Since I can remember, my earliest memories start with me being a slave.” You didn’t even flinch, used to the memories. “I was bought, sold, traded off, moved hands throughout my earlier years, until I fell into the hands of a well-known Separatist leader who bought me to be trained as a personal bodyguard and weapon.”

Wrecker grunted, clearly displeased as he frowned thunderously.

Leaning back, you wrapped your hands around your knees pulled up to your chest. “I was... well, there wasn’t that much known about my kind or species, still isn’t. So naturally, I was... poked and prodded at for a long while until I was about... ten? That’s when my formal training began.” You rolled your eyes. “As if I hadn’t been forced to kill since I was six,” you said tiredly, shaking your head. “All that was different was that I was forced into a grueling regimen for three years.”

“You were forced to kill when you were six?” Hunter frowned, eyebrows furrowing as he stared at you intently.

You nodded. “Yes, that’s the earliest kill I can remember. I don’t even know what might have happened before that. My memory has been proven to be faulty concerning anything before seven.” Glancing around, you felt the familiar knot twist in your stomach. “Anyway, those three years were not just for combat training but also for etiquette training. I was groomed to be not just a weapon but an ornament for a rich, upper class noble that liked to flaunt his money and... eccentricity. After all, I was a rare commodity.”

“A very clinical outlook,” Tech remarked, tilting his head at you.

You glanced at him. “It was the only way I knew to view myself. I’d been taught since I could remember that I was a slave, that I lived solely to be a slave to someone else, whoever that may be. I was to be bought and sold freely at my master’s whim, passed from hand to hand. After all, I was just a weapon, right?” You shrugged, the bitterness twisting your lips. “It was all I’d known for most of my life. I was to stand still and look pretty staring at the ground unless my current master decided to use me to either protect himself or... reaffirm... his power.”

Wrecker cracked his knuckles. “Let’s go find him,” he suggested darkly, glaring.

You smiled at him slightly, patting his arm. “Thank you, but unnecessary. The War broke out, and after another three years serving as a weapon for the Separatists, my former Master was unfortunate enough to run into General Skywalker and his squadron, the 501st.” You shook your head. “Once my Master was defeated, I was freed from his control. I didn’t know what to do except offer myself to Commander Rex, since he’d basically won me in combat. One Master for another. Their confusion turned to horror once they managed to access the surviving information about me and figured out what and who I was.”

Despite yourself, you had to smile down at your knees at the memory. “Looking back... it’s almost funny,” you sighed, shaking your head. “The way they lost their minds trying to figure out what to do with me and how to interact with me. Long story short, General Skywalker decided that for the time being I should stay with the 501st and Commander Rex, since I’d latched onto him instinctively and refused to leave his side. It was my conditioning, so it was all I really knew. I’ve spent the past... four or so years with them until now. But there was a long process for me in those years.”

You winced. “This is where Kamino comes in. Not knowing what else to do with me at the time, Commander Rex and General Skywalker decided to send me to Kamino in order to figure out more about my biology and my mental conditioning. I’d been fitted with several inhibitor chips at the time, including a microchip that reinforced my obedience to whatever master held the other half of the microchip. Since my former Master had been incapacitated, the chip damaged, I’d reverted to the other inhibitors and latched onto Commander Rex. Kamino... was very excited to discover me.”

Crosshair snorted. “Of course they were,” he sneered.

You just nodded. “Of course they were,” you sighed. “I was another opportunity to look into for their scientific experiments. After removing my inhibitor chips, they put me through a long reconditioning process that re-taught me a sense of individuality and being. Since I had nowhere else to go, I decided to make myself useful and pay back my debt to the 501st by agreeing to subject myself to Kaminoan jurisdiction just like the clones. Clones became... my new identity.”

You took in a deep breath, closing your eyes for a moment. Bracing yourself, you continued.

“I chose to allow the Kaminoans to continue experimentations on me as long as I could stay under the command of Commander Rex unless he decided otherwise. Commander Rex was kind enough to take responsibility for me, and I was reconditioned to learn to work with clone troopers. The Kaminoans are interested in studying me in order to decide if it’s worth using me as a new DNA template for cloning.”

“An endless supply of versatile weapons,” Crosshair deduced cynically. He had his arms crossed, toothpick clenched between his teeth.

You nodded. “Yes. Once Commander Rex decided that I would work better with a smaller group... well, I’m here now. But that also means that as soon as he reported that my integration into the Bad Batch had been successful...”

“We’re going to be going through tests in order to test us now that you’ve been added,” Tech concluded. He nodded, adjusting his glasses. “Makes sense. After all, this could be the proof that they’re looking for that one of you in a group of four enhanced is worth an investment.”

You nodded. “I’m sorry. I did mean to tell you, I just... didn’t know when would be the best time, and...” you sighed. “Commander Rex did warn me that I’d have to tell you, especially since I’m not... I’m not very well favored among the Regs, especially on Tipoca.” You uncomfortably shifted, looking away.

Hunter sighed. “Well, that won’t really be a problem. We’re not well accepted among the Regs either.” He shook his head. “As long as you’re one of us, you’ll never be accepted.”

“I guess they’re right when they talk about being in good company,” you said with a weak smile. You already felt exhausted just trying to sum up the weirdness your life had been in general.

“Well, while it’s interesting and valuable data, it doesn’t really change much,” Tech said, looking down at his datapad. “It’s not like we weren’t an unusual unit in the first place. It’s just another added member and test.”

“Yeah! Don’t worry, Shiv, we’ll take care of ya,” Wrecker cheered, patting your shoulder. “Anyone talks bad about ya and we’ll take care of it.” He cracked his knuckles again.

You had to breathe a laugh. “Thank you, I appreciate that. But I am used to it, so please don’t get into too much trouble.”

“Wrecker’s always looking for a fight anyway,” Tech said, the eye roll clear in his tone.

Hunter stood with a nod to you. “Good to know, Shiv. We’ll just have to keep it in mind once we’re there, but I don’t think it really changes all that much when it comes to procedure. We’ve always been put through training anyway every time we go back.”

You nodded, relieved that the talk had gone well. “Thank you. I’ll... continue to do my best.”

“You’re going to need to if you’re coming in with us, this time,” Crosshair remarked, standing. He just glanced at you. “Wrecker, come with me to the cockpit.”

Wrecker patted your shoulder again, then stood and headed toward Crosshair. “What? Why? Did Hunter need us again for something?” His voice trailed off as he went off down the hallway after the sniper.

You blew out a breath, letting your forehead rest against your knees. The knot in your stomach had loosened, relief spreading through you in a sudden rush. You had, in the back of your mind, worried that the team might resent the added scrutiny your presence would bring. But it seemed as though they’d just accepted it as inevitable. Sometimes, it was still hard to accept the kindness and acceptance you’d been shown.

“Are you alright, Shiv?” Tech spoke up from his seat.

You looked up at him, feeling the shadows pool under your eyes. “Oh... I’m fine, Tech, thanks. Just...” You shrugged. “Telling that story is kinda exhausting for me. Always has been. Plus, I always feel tired whenever I try to remember anything that happened before I was seven.”

He tilted his head. “Did the Kaminoans figure out why?”

You shook your head. “They couldn’t tell if the damage to that part of my memories was a natural biological reaction to some trauma or an after effect of the myriad of inhibitor chips that had been implanted in me. Thanks to their conflicting effects at times, the Kaminoans decided that using an inhibitor chip in me was an unnecessary risk. Besides, I’d been so willing to stay that there was no point except for conditioning to reinforce my... loyalty, I guess.”

“I understand.” Tech nodded. “Do the questions bother you?”

“No.” You shifted, turning to better face him. “Besides, you guys deserve to know. I mean, I’m basically in your head most of the time anyway. I’d say we’ve passed the point of being afraid to ask personal questions.”

Tech glanced down at his datapad. “I know that our inhibitor chips are mostly disabled because of our mutations. You say that you don’t have one?” he asked curiously.

You subconsciously reached up and rubbed your head. “No, all of the older ones were removed. And the Kaminoans didn’t put one in. Too much risk without enough data. All I have right now is a high-grade birth control implant,” you said thoughtfully. “I’d been outfitted with one during my time as a slave, though I could never figure out why.” You furrowed your eyebrows. “I mean, they never intended to use me in that sense. I was strictly an ornament and a weapon; and besides, they’d conditioned me thoroughly with the implants to never seek out any sort of physicality in that sense, so why put the implant in?” you puzzled wonderingly.

“Perhaps as just an added measure of protection? A sort of security of the purity of a possession?” Tech suggested without malice.

You shrugged. “I’m not sure, though that might be a good guess,” you agreed. “The Kaminoans asked if I just wanted it removed, but I figured I’d just ask for a safer and better replacement just in case,” you said dismissively. “It was offered, why not. Besides,” you said with a dark sense of amusement, “I don’t plan to procreate, but I did have to sacrifice my virginity for a mission.” You rolled your eyes at the memory. “Kix and Fives almost lost their minds over that one.” You snorted.

Tech looked a little flushed, the tips of his ears stained with color as he shifted.

“Sorry, Tech,” you had to laugh a little. “Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

He glanced at you. “It’s alright. But, uh, why were they upset?”

“Oh, not at me,” you said, shaking your head. “They’ve always been my brothers, so they’ve been protective of me. I guess I worried them when I told them about it because they thought I’d maybe been forced into it.” You shook your head with a sigh. “I just... I’ve never really been allowed to make any of my own choices, you know? It was one of my first big decisions I made, albeit kind of stupidly. Anyway, it’s not like anyone would want a relationship with me.” You shrugged, leaning back in your chair.

“Why not?” Tech sounded surprised, staring at you. “I mean, I’d think that choosing a weapon as a partner might be beneficial. Not that you’re just a weapon,” he added.

You smiled at him. “Thanks, Tech. But I mean... I am a weapon,” you pointed out. “I’m meant to be used as one, and... I mean, even now, I’m the weapon of a team. I don’t know that anyone would want all the baggage I come with, or even be able to handle sharing me with four other people — it’s just. A lot to ask.” You fiddled with your shirt. “Besides, I don’t know who’d be interested in me anyway.”

Tech seemed to open his mouth, then closed it. Then he opened it again as though he couldn’t help himself. “Wrecker is.” He jerked a little as though cringing.

You blinked, looking up at him. Telling your brain to shut up, it’s not what it sounds like, you tilted your head. “What? I mean, I’m glad he likes me, but-“

But Tech shook his head. “We’ve all noticed it. Wrecker definitely likes you. He pays a lot of attention to you, and he’s super protective. I probably shouldn’t tell you his feelings, but I...” He fiddled almost nervously with his gadgets. “It sort of just came out before I could stop it,” he admitted.

Your mind fairly spun. “I- I don’t-“ your entire brain short-circuited. Wrecker liked you? No, no, that had to be wrong. “What?” you choked out, feeling your hands start to tremble a little.

Tech grimaced. “Sorry, Shiv, I shouldn’t have said anything. Don’t worry about it-“ ”How could I not worry about it, Tech?” you exclaimed, your chest tightening. “I’m always in you guys’ heads, and- it’s not fair for me to know that when he’s been so kind to me and protected me so much that I-“ you choked on your own words, tears welling in your eyes. You rocked back and forth with a little whimper, reaching up to dig at your eyes. “It’s not fair.”

Tech looked like he didn’t know what to do, face pinched. “Shiv- I’m sorry, I... I don’t know what to do. I-“ He looked toward the door. “I should go get-“ “No, please-“ you blurted, trying to gasp for breath. “It’s not- not your fault, I just-“ You shivered, swiping tears away. “I’m sorry, I’m not being fair to you either.” You drew in a rasping breath. “I- I really- I just...”

“What can I do to help you?” Tech asked, his hands nervously moving as though trying to figure out what to do.

“I... it’s not fair,” you whimpered, not looking up at him. “I... I’ve grown so close to all of you, and... and I’m being stupid.” A hiccup wrenched out of you. “I- I realized last night, at the 79s... I realized that I- that you all have been so kind to me and it- it’s made me so selfish, Tech,” you half-sobbed. “I just want to do everything I can to be- to be a good teammate, a good friend, a- a useful weapon to you all, but I- it’s just that- I’ve been stupid and allowed- allowed myself to- to wish for more than I should.”

Tech sucked in a breath, straightening. “Shiv-“ ”I’m sorry!” You flinched, sure that he would be upset that you’d allowed yourself to blurt out the feelings you’d promised yourself would stay hidden. Sure that he’d remind you that you’re just a teammate. Sure that he’d tell you that Wrecker shouldn’t have formed... something.

“No, Shiv-“ Tech reached up and ran his hand through his hair. He abruptly stood, then placed a hand on your knee. “Wait right here for a minute. I’ll be back.”

You didn’t have the strength or presence of mind to stop him, the anxiety starting to seize you with a force that left you gasping. Hands shaking, you clutched at your chest with tears dripping down your face and tried to just breathe. This had to be it. They would find out, they would be upset about it, they’d decide that they didn’t want you as part of the team because what mad person is shown basic kindness and latches onto it to the extent of forming feelings for not just one but four people-

“Shiv!? Maker, Tech, what happened?” Hunter’s voice curled through the air, washing over you. A warm hand landed on your knee, making you flinch with a gasp.

“Shiv!” Wrecker’s voice made you feel even worse. Two giant hands landed on your waist, and you gasped as he lifted you up and sat down, setting you in his lap. “Shiv, what’s wrong?”

Despite yourself, you had to curl into him for the warmth he radiated through his blacks, desperate for some kind of grounding strength. Anything to help you calm down.

“I... I may have made a mistake,” Tech admitted, his voice laced with distress. He relayed the conversation as you let out a sob, shoulders shaking.

The way Wrecker stiffened made you abruptly try to push away, almost launching yourself off of him. Only his firm grasp on your hips stopped you.

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry- please-“ it wrenched out of you, leaving you raw and shaking. “Please, I-“

“Why are you apologizing?” Wrecker’s voice asked, sounding confused. “Shiv, don’t apologize.”

You looked up at him through watering eyes. “But I-“

He tilted his head at you, still keeping a tight hold on your hips. “Tech is right. I do like you.”

But it only made you feel worse. “Wrecker, I don’t- I- I’m always in your head through the Bonds,” you pleaded, trying to explain. “I- your kindness toward me- I- I don’t want to take advantage of that. It’s not fair for me to- to ask you to return my feelings just because- because I’m with you all the time or anything, I- I shouldn’t have even said anything, I told myself I wouldn’t-“

“Why not?” Wrecker demanded, a frown curling his lips.

You squeezed your eyes shut, burying your face in your hands. “Because I’m in love with all of you!”

A silence fell in the room, only broken by your hiccuping sobs. Everything was wrong. You’d never meant to say it, never meant to do this.

“Say it again.” Hunter’s voice was low, demanding in a way that made you instinctually obey.

“I’m- I have feelings for all of you,” you whimpered, curling in on yourself in absolute misery. The truth of it resonated through you, a blessed sting of lovely pain.

“I guess that’s good for us, then,” Crosshair drawled, a smirk tilting his lips up.

Wrecker let out an excited whoop. “Did you hear that, Hunter? She said she likes all of us!”

Nothing was making sense. You looked up, trying to understand. Why weren’t they upset?

Wrecker grinned down at you, squeezing your hips in a way that made your stomach flip. “We all like you, Shiv.”

You gaped up at him, mind spinning. What?

Hunter reached out, using a finger to tilt your head to him. “Shiv, all of us have feelings for you, too. We had to discuss it because... normally partners aren’t comfortable with being shared. We Clones are used to sharing things, especially with each other. We didn’t think you’d want to be with all of us, so we decided to step back and let Wrecker have a chance, since you seemed to accept his attention. Not to mention, we’re not normal in any sense.”

You swallowed thickly, breath hitching as Wrecker’s hand came up to brush tears away from your cheeks. Your lashes felt heavy with them, and you sniffled, fingers unconsciously curling in his sleeves.

“You’re- you’re not angry with me?” you asked tremulously, peering through your eyelashes up at Wrecker.

“Course not, Shiv.” Wrecker’s ever-present grin had softened at the corners, his one good eye focused on you unwaveringly. “We’re super glad that you like all of us.”

Lips parting, you turned to look at the others, hope starting to bloom in your chest. You could feel heat starting to creep up into your cheeks as you realized. You’d confessed. They’d actually accepted and... returned it?

The corner of Hunter’s lips tilted up, dark eyes focusing on you. “You’ve taken care of us ever since you joined, Shiv. You’ve tried your best to acclimate to us, worked with us without complaining about anything, took responsibilities you didn’t have to, made food for us, even on the very first mission took damage for Tech and I. Why wouldn’t we appreciate that at the very least? We want to take care of you, too.”

This time, the tears that welled up weren’t because you were upset. Reaching up, you brushed them away shakily. “You... you like me?” you repeated, almost dazed. Surely you’d been hearing wrong. All of them? Liked you? Liked you?

Hunter chuckled. “Yes, Shiv. We do.”

You sucked in a breath, trying to grasp it. “I...” Your mouth seemed to insist on betraying you. “No one has ever liked me before.” You flushed. “Sorry, I-“

“Better for us, then!” Wrecker cheered. He practically crushed you to his chest, laughing. “So does this mean we get to call you ours now? Oh, does that mean I can kiss you, Shiv?”

“Wrecker,” Tech spoke up, sounding a bit alarmed.

But you stared up at Wrecker with a blink. “You... you want to kiss me?” you asked, surprised. The one fling you’d told Tech about had been just that— a stupid, hasty fling with no feeling to it, done to keep cover on a mission.

“Yeah.” Wrecker sobered. “But only if you want it, too, Shiv.” His honest brown eyes gazed down into yours.

You swallowed, fingers clenching against his chest. “If... If all of you... if you like me, then... then what does that mean for us?” you asked quietly.

“It means we all want to be part of a relationship with you, Shiv,” Hunter said firmly. “But only if that’s also what you want.”

You looked up at him. “I am your teammate and your weapon,” you said honestly, feeling a little lost. “I... I don’t want to be hurt more than I already have. If you- if you’re serious, then— then I’ll give you whatever I have,” you said, looking down at your hands. You closed your eyes, swallowing. “I’ll give all of you my all, equally, wholly. I’ll be a teammate, a partner, a weapon for all of you, as much as I can. But you have to know,” your voice cracked, “that if I do... you’ll have the power to completely break me. And I- I’m willing to take that risk. But you have the right to know that, before you— before you decide that you want—“

“We want you.” Hunter spoke lowly, confident.

“We love you, Shiv,” Wrecker pitched in.

“We don’t want to break you or leave you,” Tech said, shaking his head.

Crosshair met your eyes and nodded slightly, gaze fixed on you with an intensity that sent a shiver down your spine.

You decided to continue to trust them. “Then... I’m yours,” you said shyly, suddenly very aware of how closely Wrecker had pulled you.

Wrecker grinned widely. “Can I kiss you, Shiv?”

You flushed but nodded, giving him a shy smile. Your eyes fluttered closed as he bent forward.

Wrecker’s kiss was... so distinctly him. His mouth burned, breath hot against your own lips. He tasted like the buttercream of the icing you’d made for the cupcakes, and his hands clenched eagerly around your hips. Still, it was gentle in his own way, and you found yourself dizzy from the heat when he finally let go.

“You okay, Shiv?” Wrecker asked, hand sliding up to your lower back to support you.

You took in a breath, leaning against his chest. “Y-yeah- s-sorry,” you stuttered, “it’s just— your breath is so warm.” You swallowed, closing your eyes.

“Is it?” Wrecker quizzically looked down at himself, breathing on his hand. “Huh.”

“Can-“ you sucked in a steadying breath. “I-“ The Bonds, usually passive in the back of your awareness, were lighting up with emotion. Wrecker’s pure elation was coursing through you, making you lean your forehead against his chest for a moment. You let out a soft whine. “Wrecker, you- you’re broadcasting so much-“

“Huh?” Wrecker paused, then let out an “Oh!” The elation quelled a little after a moment. “Sorry Shiv. Is that better?” he asked sheepishly.

You looked up at him, still feeling a little punch-drunk from the overflow. “You- you’re happy?” you asked, tilting your head at him. He grinned, a wave of adoration crashing over you. You shivered, collapsing against him and burying your face into his shoulder with a soft cry.

Hunter let out a quiet, husky chuckle. “I think you’re overwhelming her, Wrecker.”

“Sorry Hunter,” Wrecker said sheepishly. “Can’t help it.”

You felt yourself being moved, and the flow of emotion slightly slaked off, enough for you to try to look up. You found yourself gazing up at Hunter, who had pulled you into his lap instead. He reached up, brushing his thumb under your eye.

“A little better?”

You stared up into his eyes, noting hazily how much darker brown they were compared to Wrecker’s. While Wrecker’s Bond had stopped being so overwhelmingly loud, it was still present. Instead, you started feeling a new trickle of emotion from Hunter’s Bond. A muted sense of pride, of fondness that ran deep in its strength.

Your hands braced you against his arms, wrapped around your waist to keep you steady. “I-“ your eyes fluttered as you lost yourself to the emotion, lips parting with quick breaths. It was so clearly directed at you, meant wholly for you to feel. It washed over you with a warmth in its strength that you had no defense against.

Hunter bent, his mouth briefly pressing against your shoulder. “Can I kiss you, Shiv?” he asked lowly.

You just nodded, barely registering the question, completely pliant. Wrecker’s kiss still burned against your lips, only the feeling of Hunter’s arms holding you grounding you still.

Hunter’s kiss, you thought fuzzily, was as sure as he was. The care was there, certainly, but the way his mouth slanted against yours and the way his tongue brushed against your lower lip held a confidence that Wrecker’s hadn’t. His kiss gave as much as it took, a soothing coolness trickling between your lips in exchange for stealing your breath.

Your fingers tangled in his sleeves, and once he let go, you had to helplessly collapse against his chest and gasp for breath. Your mind whirled, simultaneously drowning in the projected emotions as well as your own. This was really happening. They really— they really cared for you. Accepted and returned your feelings.

The Bonds didn’t lie; and they refused to allow you to doubt the reality of it all as they continued to pour affirmation into your starved soul.

“Please-“ your voice was a weak cry, tears hovering on your lashes. “I— it’s so much-“

“Do you believe us, Shiv?” Hunter murmured into your ear. “Can you see how much we care about you?”

You looked up at him through blurred vision and sticky eyelashes. “Hunter,” you whimpered, desperately trying to focus. He bent and simply pressed a brief kiss to your parted lips.

“I think Cross wants some attention.” He smirked at you briefly, then turned you around.

Crosshair’s fingers grasped your chin, tilting your head up to him. A single emotion crossed your Bond with the sniper before he bent.

Crosshair’s kiss was possessive. Far from cold, the brief flash of fierce want underscored the fiery way his lips caught yours. He demanded entrance, quickly staking a claim on your mouth as soon as your lips obediently parted without question. It was the least distant he’d ever been toward you, and he pulled away to leave you almost cold.

The corner of his lips curled up in a smirk as he observed you with dark eyes, the pad of his thumb briefly brushing across your lower lip. “I think I’ll find a way to bruise you a little more, Shiv.” The promise made you realize that your lips had swollen, bruised by his kiss. He let go, turning to walk back to his seat.

You reached up to rub at your eye, still dazed and flushed. Everything felt so... surreal, yet not. Taking a moment to try to gather yourself, you swallowed and turned. Hunter helped you up, and you teetered your way to Tech’s chair.

Tech caught you, easing you into his lap. “Are you alright, Shiv?” he asked.

You nodded. “I’m okay,” you murmured, almost dreamily. You reached down, touching his hand that rested on your waist gingerly. “Do you— do you want something? I always feel like-“ your eyelashes fluttered as you started to feel his emotions bleed over your Bond. “Like you keep wanting to ask me something.”

He swallowed. “I—“ He glanced nervously at you, then down to his hands.

You tilted your head. “You can tell me, Tech. Tell me through the Bond,” you murmured, reaching up to touch his cheek.

He shuddered, eyes closing. A hesitant thought slunk over the Bond. Can I... can you please... A non-verbal image bloomed.

You smiled a little, then reached up and pulled Tech’s head down to your chest as you leaned back a little. You brushed your fingers through his hair, gently letting your nails drag across his scalp.

He shivered with a quiet groan, his hands unconsciously clenching around your waist.

Leaning down, you pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. “Is this what you want?”

His head moved jerkily in a nod. “Please,” he groaned.

You let your hands move down his neck, dragging your nails across his shoulders, sweeping back up to bury in his hair. “Thank you, Tech,” you whispered softly, gratefully.

He looked up at you. “What? Why?” He sounded genuinely confused.

Your hands rested against his shoulders. “For always being honest with me. And being kind.” You offered him a shy smile.

He stared at you for a minute, seeming to drink in your face. “Do you- are you happy? I mean, with me?” His eyebrows furrowed uncertainly. “I did sort of... blurt-“

“Tech.” You closed your eyes, then, and reached out to all of the Bonds. “This is how I feel. About all of you.” You let your own feelings pour into all of them, returning the flow of emotion.

You bared yourself, showing them. How deeply you trusted them. How much you respected them, looked up to them. The things that you admired about them: their strength, their acceptance of you, their uniqueness. How much you wanted their attention, how much you loved their kindness. How deeply they’d managed to crawl into your very soul, how much you belonged to them already.

Tech shuddered, almost collapsing into you, head leaning against your shoulder. Wrecker sighed from somewhere behind you. You could hear Crosshair let out a quiet huff of breath, and Hunter grunted.

Your fingers gently cupped Tech’s head against your shoulder, assuring yourself that he was okay. It took you by surprise when his head abruptly tilted up, his lips finding yours. You let out a little noise of surprise, hands still cupping his cheeks. The desperation that colored Tech’s kiss had your heart fluttering as you hummed softly with contentment.

“Shiv,” Tech mumbled against your lips, his nose brushing yours.

“I’m here,” you murmured back.

His eyes closed, and he tilted his head to kiss you again. His kiss was hungry, needy, full of a soft sort of desperation that made you want more. His mouth begged you for attention, opening against yours in a way that pleaded for you. He almost whined into the kiss, and you had to brush your fingers against his cheeks as you answered.

“You’ll stay with us, Shiv?” Tech asked thinly, as though making sure before he surrendered.

You nodded. “As long as you want me... I’ll stay,” you promised.

“Forever, then,” Wrecker piped up, clearly pleased.

You fell asleep against Tech, lulled by the lingering emotions.

Forever.

Tag list: 

@subbing-for-clones

@darkangel4121

@ladydiomede

If you’d like to be added to the tag list, please message me! Thank you for the support!

#sw tbb #tbb fanfiction #tbb x reader #the bad batch #the bad batch x reader #hunter #crosshair #wrecker #tech #sword and shield #x reader #star wars x reader #star wars x y/n #y/n #mywriting #Star Wars

[limitlessgojo]

Blood Bound: Red Strings of Fate (Ch 13)

Warnings: Action, Coarse Language, Fighting, Descriptions of Blood

Previous Chapter: Goldenrod

Next Chapter: The More You Know

Next SFW Chapter: Big White Lies

Tags: Soulmates AU, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Fem!Reader

Taglist: @lessie-oxj @rizzo-nero @whoreuc @fkngkumiko @isl3t @gojoussunglasses @onepotatostand-blog @s-t-f-u-b-i-t-c-h @sunaswife @lordguameow @track5enthusiast

Notes: If you want to be tagged for every update, specify if you're okay with nsfw posts or not, and please mention it in the comments below ty ❤

Chapter 13: Home Sweet Home

That weekend you went back home. It was so refreshing to see everyone. You yelped out with joy as you ran over to your cousin “Hiroki niichaaaan~” You jumped into his arms.

He hugged you tight. “How have you been doin lil sis?”

“Very good! I missed you all so much, especially you Hiroki nii." You pouted up at him.

You caught up with your family, had meals with them, and trained with Hiroki. They were most curious about your soulmate, as you have expected.

“What’s he like? Aren’t people from the big 3 clans so stuck up all the time? Even Satoru is full of himself at times, ey?”, Hiroki asked you with a mouthful of food.

“He isn’t too bad to be honest. He’s a gentleman and sweet with me. Decent man. Just, seems a bit like the private type? I mean… Doesn’t talk much about his family even though we are soulmates. Oh I’ve already talked to him about you guys.” You added.

Hiroki tilted his head, “Ehhh… mysterious huh.”

“Give him time. The Kamo Clan aren’t the most open minded people. They’ll feel you out before allowing you in.” Your dad said.

“Even though I’m his soulmate?!” You exclaimed.

Silence. “We don’t know what they’re thinking so we can’t say for sure.”

◇◇◇

“Heh, you’ve gotten better lil sis,” Hiroki dropped low and thrusted out his spear. You jumped and immediately shifted your stance to land a kick on him. He easily parried and slipped out of your range.

Your family specializes in dealing with reverse cursed techniques aside from the occasional esper. Hiroki was only a semi-grade 1, because he trained his ass off for years.

Now that he’s built, he uses cursed tools to help him fight. A strong 185cm man can definitely handle close combat well. And in terms of healing abilities, he was number 1 in the clan.

It was only the women in your family that were able to inherit psychokinesis for some reason. But usually it only applies to a specific thing. Like how your mom can control plants. And your other aunt does with small metallic items like coins and darts.

Mother approached you after your sparring session. "Does he make you happy my dear?" Your mother asked you. Hiroki drank quietly from his water bottle.

You thought about it. The past few months were not easy but really colorful with Noritoshi. Minus the nagging feeling of him covering up his family affairs from you.

But… "He does. I feel so safe with him ma. Like I do with all of you. He is family to me now. I think I really like him and I trust him with my life." You whispered out.

"Then next time, bring him here. We will gladly welcome him with open arms." Hiroki smiled at you and leaned into your side.

◇◇◇

You went to visit your dead older sister’s grave just before you went back to Kyoto Jujutsu High School.

It was just you and Hiroki. You both cleaned the grave, trimmed the weeds, changed the flowers, burned fresh incense, and said your prayers for Sora. It was such a clear day with barely any clouds. The sky was so blue.

Just like her namesake.

Hiroki left you to give you some privacy, saying that he’ll pick you up in 2 hours.

You took a deep breath. “Sora neechan. It’s been a while. Sorry I couldn’t come to see you as often, because I’m currently a student at Jujutsu High.”

“I met this guy. He … So he is my soulmate. The first time I met him, I thought he was pretty. As I got to know him more, I felt as if there was a reason as to why the heavens chose him for me you know? He is really cool, but so warm and sweet with me. I think I’m a little bit in love with him.” You admitted.

“I’m really scared to lose him. After I lost you, I just… it was hard… I try my best to be cheerful and helpful really. But it gets tiring at times. I’m glad I was able to make a lot of friends who understand the life of a Jujutsu sorcerer at least. I tried to open up to Noritoshi a bit more. But it’s hard because he seems so closed off at times.”

You had mixed feelings, because you promised Noritoshi you would trust him more. That means working on anything that bothers you regarding your relationship with him. But can he accept it if you tell him that you want to know more about his family? He already clearly stated he needs more time.

“Am I being too greedy and hasty Sora? I want to support his clan affairs, even if it's just a tiny bit as his soulmate. He seems so troubled with it all the time. Like he wants to carry the burden all alone. I want to help, but he doesn’t really let me. I don’t know. I wish you were still here with me.”

“Last time I asked him about his parents, he snapped at me. Of course he apologized. … Maybe it’s all just in my head. But I do want to meet his family. Eventually. Though at this rate I have no idea when. Everytime I ask about them he just shuts up.”

“Falling in love is way too hard….”

The wind blew as if to agree with you. The leaves rusted in a circular dance just around the grave. You smiled.

You bid farewell to your family after the weekend. Hiroki hugged you tight and whispered, “I hope it gets better for you and Kamo kun soon enough.”

You looked up at him, “Yeah, thanks bro.”

◇◇◇

You texted Noritoshi and let him know that you were on your way back. He said he was free for the evening and that you could come over to his room.

You knocked on his door with anticipation. You opened the door, “I'm back, Toshi!” He pulled you into a tight hug and closed the door behind you. “I missed you. Come in. How was your family? Sorry I couldn’t go with you again.”

“It’s fine! They’re all okay and excited to meet you next time.” You looked up at him. He looked a bit regretful, “Next time I’ll make sure to properly clear my schedule with my father so I can go meet them okay?”

“Ah, okay.” You both walked over to his table and knelt down on the floor.

“I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a while,” you started. Noritoshi looked on intently. “I’ve already told you about my family right? Mom and dad and my other male cousins. Ah, what I didn’t tell you before was… I used to have an older sister. I - uhm. Well she died after being attacked by a curse. I … I hope to bring you to her grave one day.”

Noritoshi’s heart dropped. He pulled you in close. “I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m sure she is proud of you. Of course I’ll go with you to see her next time.” He was now highly regretting choosing to do some useless tasks for some of his clan’s elders instead of spending the weekend with you.

You gripped his clothes tighter. “Thank you, that really really means a lot to me.” You started tearing up, but you blinked your tears away.

"Oh! My family and I have gifts for you. I'm not so sure if you'll like it. It's a Coral and gold bracelet. Everyone in my family has one. It's almost like tradition for us, and we believe it to have a layer of protection. I also brought Jade here for you." You presented the bracelet alongside the Dragon carved Jade Pendant hanging on a thick white gold chain.

Noritoshi's eyes widened. The jewelry was stunning and looked expensive. He may have been favoured as the heir to the Kamo clan, but even he didn't own so much expensive jewelry.

He sputtered out “I appreciate it but I can’t take something so expensive and precious-”

“Noritoshiiii,” you whined out loud, making him stop talking. “You don’t want to accept such a precious gift that I picked out for you?” you whined with the largest puppy eyes.

“No, I- I am grateful. Thank you, I’ll accept it.” Noritoshi conceded.

Got him. You grinned madly as he shook his head. “You’re a dangerous one,” he muttered under his breath. “What was that?” you asked him absentmindedly as you worked on unclasping the bracelet to put it around his wrist. “Nothing, nothing at all dearest.”

You narrowed your eyes at him before grabbing his wrist and putting it on for him. It was a perfect fit. You thanked yourself for loving to hold his hand so much that you knew his general hand measurements.

His hands down to his wrists were so pretty. You didn't realize that you were playing with and smiling down at his fingers until he opened up his hand and linked his fingers with yours.

Slowly, carefully. Falling in love with you was the easiest thing Noritoshi had experienced. Now that he had embraced his emotions and tried to open up to you, it was a bit better now.

'Is this what love is? I don't know since it's my first time experiencing it.' Noritoshi wondered to himself.

It was in the smallest of things with you. He loved the way you would call out his name with loving eyes. The way you would always greet him first before the other senpai. The way you give him coffee and kisses on late and cold nights of studying.

The way your hair smells. Your perfume. The way your eyelids flutter shut when he kisses you. The tightening of his chest and shortness of his breath made apparent whenever he was with you.

The way you don't ask for too much from him. Just that he shows his love to you either by his actions or words. The comfort he simply feels when he is beside you.

He really just needed some time, and seeing you around more often really made up for it.

He ticked the inside of your palm which made you shiver and yelp. He laughed out loud at this and pulled you into his lap, hugging you tightly.

Staying quiet, you buried your head in his chest. You could feel his heartbeat, and it was faster than you expected. But soon it went back down to a steady rate.

"Your heartbeat is so steady, but mine is always wild around you. Noritoshi I feel kinda embarrassed to be honest." You admitted, fingers curling into his kimono.

He smiled and his heartbeat quickened to match yours. You looked up at him in confusion. "Did you just…" He just leaned down to rub his nose against yours. "I am a blood manipulator. I can manipulate my pulse rate darling." You huffed out a laugh, feeling warm and fuzzy.

"I love you." You said suddenly. He stared in shock at your words. You realized that you said it without intending to. But you didn’t take it back.

"Kamo Noritoshi I'm madly in love with you." It wasn't a sudden realisation of being in love. You slowly fell for him again and again each day.

Noritoshi’s brain short circuited.

Suddenly he was kissing you. Tongue slipping into your mouth and playing with yours and rubbing along the roof of your mouth.

You tried to fight his tongue for dominance, but you ended up surrendering, your back bent back with your face turned up towards him.

You clasped your hands around his neck as he pressed deep kisses against the top of your chest. Your face was flushed as you fell limp against him, gasping out heavy breaths. "I'm not going anywhere angel." Noritoshi whispered against your neck, hands tightening possessively against your waist.

‘Please wait a little longer for me. Until I can confirm that these feelings for you are indeed true love.’ His thoughts went unsaid.

The one thing Noritoshi promised to himself is that he would never lie about his feelings for you. To him, the worst he could do was to confess his love without actually being in love with you.

Blood Bound: Table of Contents

#kamo noritoshi #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #itadori yuji #jjk fanfic #fluff #jjk x y/n #jjk x oc #jjk fluff #jjk x you #jjk fic #noritoshi fluff #blood bound #red strings of fate

[wissbby]

Boyfriend head-canon - Oikawa Tо̄ru

⤙ Summary: basically, a head-canon about how I imagine Oikawa in a relationship. ⊹ Genre: fluff, smut and a tiny bit of angst ⊹ Word count: 1779 ⊹ Warnings: NSFW ⤙ Author’s note: this head-canon is a bit bigger than I anticipated. I still feel like I’m missing so much more so I might edit this in the future and add onto it. For now, I hope you just enjoy it :)

So, let's say you and Oikawa got together.

I don't see Oikawa as someone who opens up easy. It takes the man a lot of time and trust so you'll have to be patient if you want to develop a relationship with him.

You must've been (very very good) friends before he even sees you as a potential significant other. 

I've seen a lot of Haikyuu fans bashing on the man because of that one scene with Kageyama. They don't realise that Oikawa was at his lowest point during this moment and was overall just doing very, very bad. 

It's also a scene where we get to see Oikawa's fakes finally breaking down. 

You need to show Oikawa you're there for him, even if he pushes you away at the very beginning.

He's afraid to show you his insecurities, even if you're already aware of them in the first place. 

He's just so so afraid of losing you. He’s afraid you’ll leave him behind once you get to see the other -not so pretty- side of him.

So, try to break him,

in a good way, of course.

Also, give him a lot of space. And by this, I mean, give the man attention but let him do his things like he always has done. 

Even though you're now his partner, Oikawa is still selfish in that perspective. He won't try his hardest best to change his schedule for you.

You know volleyball is important to him, right? So you must understand why he won't do so.

Trust me,

He'll come back running once he realises this kind of behaviour was the exact reason his ex broke up with him.

"I'm so sorry. It's just- I'll try harder."

And if Oikawa says so, he really means it. This man keeps his promises, I'll give him that.

He's just very insecure about a lot of things, though he might not show that side of him immediately. 

If you've come across the point where Oikawa fully knows he's accepted by you, he'll show you his true colours. 

Expect him to break down in front of your -yet to be opened- front door. 

Just take the man inside and comfort him. 

He likes to be pampered.

Now, onto a bit more fluffy stuff.

This man is one hundred per cent the affectionate type. 

If he wants to feel your skin, he will do anything in his power to do so. 

Out in public but suddenly craving you? He's kissing your forehead and pushing you against his chest while holding your waist with his right arm and intertwining your hands with his left hand.

Together in one's bedroom? He'll either plop on top of you, burying his head into the crook of your neck with his body all over yours or will push you against his chest and let you rest your head in the crook of his neck while running his hands slowly through your hair until he hears your evening breaths. 

He just likes to know you're still there with him. 

Sorry buddy's, it's the insecurities.

It's also a way of apologising for the time he loses with you because of volleyball. He tries his hardest best to make the time you two have unforgettable.

If he finally got a day off, he will one hundred per cent take you on a date. 

Expect this man to go all out.

Clothes, shoes, accessories, oh yeah, and the date itself too

He almost forgot about that, but let's ignore that for now 

Okay, so these are the type of dates he would definitely take you on,

Coffeeshop dates, picnics, star-gazing, home-theatre.

Let me explain each date

Coffeeshop dates: it has to be one of those cosy, very warm atmosphere shops. He likes to see a lot a brown, dark green, some orange and of course, plants. It's an aesthetic the pretty setter loves to be surrounded by to unwind from everything going on. 

It's also a perfect colour palette for his Instagram feed.

He'd wear a grey sweater with vinyl pants and -of course- wear his glasses to add to the look. 

This mf is actually blind without them but only wears them when they match his outfit. 

Anyway, 

Picnics: Oikawa would take care of everything. The only thing you need to do is just be there. He likes to lay down with you, telling you about his day/week. The pretty scenery above your heads and in front of you keeps amazing him. He will never get tired of the prettiness Mother Nature offers. Bonus!! Bring him milk bread and he’ll spin you around before settling you back on the ground and pecking your lips ever so slightly.

Star-gazing: I see Oikawa as an intelligent human being. Besides that, he is very curious about various things. He almost always has a question about something. If he feels romantic or just simply wants to see you, he’ll call you when the sun has set, telling you he is waiting for you outside. I know for a fact that this dude has some secret hide-out since he was a child. He hasn’t shared it with anyone, not even Iwaizumi, because it was his spot to completely shut the outside world out. He really doubted whether he should tell you about it or not. But, he wanted to show you himself, all of him. He loves you too much to let you be apart of that “outside world”. Arriving at the spot, he would lay down with you in the tall grass, eyes immediately fixating on the bright stars. He would point out the zodiac signs, telling you some facts about his sign and yours (yes, he did his research). On the court, Oikawa feels big. He feels big with his team and is not afraid to lose if it were with them. But now that he lays underneath the big open sky, he realises how tiny he is in this universe. He starts to think about how lucky he is to have met you in this big universe. Expect some sappy shit and maybe some tears if he feels vulnerable. 

Home-theatre: sometimes, it’s better to stay indoors with your loved one. And Oikawa completely agrees with that. After a long week of school or work he just likes to unwind. Now, he would invite you over. And girl- when I tell you what he did. You didn’t exactly expect a fort in front of his television. But then again, we are talking about Oikawa here. It’s adorable, though. There are fairy lights all over the place, candles lit and an unnecessary amount of pillows and fluffy blankets. You both lay down and pick a movie. Settling on “Ponyo” because Oikawa once mentioned the drawing style makes him feel at ease. This man has one of his arms either wrapped around your figure or intertwined his fingers with you. He prefers to have you cuddled into him, whether that be spooning or laying on top of his chest. He just likes to keep you close. It’s these moments Oikawa cherishes the most: the domestic ones. 

Let’s hope I fed you enough fluffy content because I’m ready to flip the switch once again. 

Like I mentioned before, Oikawa is a curious man. 

And this also applies to kinks.

I know for a fact he is not scared to try out new things. He just wants two things: trust and honesty.

He wants you to trust him and trust you. He also wants you and him to be as honest as possible.

Do you not like something even though he seemed to be into it? Tell him, he wants it to be as equally enjoyable for you as it is for him.

Now, I’ve seen a lot of headcanons telling Oikawa is a switch with sub tendencies. 

I’m only gonna have to agree on the first part.

This kid is, indeed, a switch. However, he is more of a switch with dom tendencies, in my eyes.

Big on praise, like, very big. 

Secretly likes receiving more than giving, but you never heard that from me.

He also is into slight bondage. Handcuffs, ropes etc.

He likes to tie you up and block your sight. It makes him feel in control. 

Also, the way you squirm whenever he’s breathing or whispering into your ear when you least expect it, gets him rock hard every time. 

However, do the same to him and he’ll obey.

After being the fattest brat ever, of course.

#pegoikawa2020

Some other kinks he has are breath play, cockwarming, degradation, role-play, overstimulation, pain, food-play, stockings, cute lingerie and sadism.

(There are so many more kinks he likes and I want to go into detail about all of these but this shit will get too long so I won’t. Request if you want to see what I’d say about his kinks.)

He can go all out. 

But Oikawa prefers the more gentle sex where you just take time to enjoy each other’s carcasses. 

Is super vulnerable whenever that happens and has indeed broken down a couple of times during the act.

He can’t help it: he loves you too much that he can’t even keep on that facade anymore.

Aftercare with this baby is so cute. 

If the previous moments were a lot rougher, he likes to check up on you and praise you for your work. 

However, he gets you a glass of water and a towel to clean up the mess every time. 

When taken care of, he likes to plop down and just hold you as close as possible. Usually runs his fingers through your hair to confirm you’re still there with him. 

Falls asleep real quick, ngl

If I can give you a piece of advice: get up the morning after to make him breakfast

It’s something small but Oikawa really feels loved whenever he’s taking care of

Asks you to take place beside him and shares his breakfast with you

Yes, he is the type to put food into his mouth and share it with you with the help of a kiss that transfers the piece of food into your own mouth

Mornings like these are intimate and Oikawa cherishes them the most

Usually followed by just a lazy day of enjoying the presence of one another and probably some romance anime or Black Mirror binge watch.

Overall, this baby needs a lot of reassurance in his relationship. Let him know you’re there and won’t leave him (one of his, if not biggest, insecurities). Make him feel loved and let him take his time to warm up to you. Oikawa is worth the wait.

Bonus!!

Iwaizumi is so very glad to see his best friend happy. He’s very grateful you two have met. Will never not show you how much he appreciates him.

“Thank you for loving him, Y/n-san,” Iwaizumi would say, voice lowered in hopes his friend wouldn’t be eavesdropping.

“Iwa-chan! Are you flirting with my girlfriend?”

“Shut up, shittykawa! You don’t deserve someone as good as her!”

He’s just happy his best friend is finally able to share his insecurities with someone he loves so much.

You’re a blessing to the both of them. 

#oikawa #oikawa tooru #oikawa toru #hq oikawa #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #oikawa haikyuu #oikawa x reader #oikawa/reader #oikawa toru x reader #oikawa imagine #oikawa fluff #oikawa angst #oikawa smut #oikawa drabble #oikawa blurb #oikawa scenario #oikawa toru imagine #oikawa tooru x reader #oikawa headcanon #wiss.hc #wiss.pens #wiss.haikyū

[timeandspacenovelist]

Almost A Nightmare

Rating: G Chapters: 1/1

Summary: While she's recovering after her tag match, Rhea Ripley finds herself being helped out by an unexpected source, which changes her outlook on certain things.

Notes : Just a tiny fic I wanted to make after the tag match last week Monday. I'm enjoying the developing respect and friendship between Nikki and Rhea and I wanted to add a bit more to it.

Read this story also on :

Archive Of Our Own

Rhea sat in the women’s locker room, ice pack to the back of her neck. She had just come off a match where she got a Samoan Drop and a Natural Selection, so she felt it was quite needed right now. She had shrugged off medical attention when she had gotten backstage, but then when the pain annoyed her too much, she went to the trainer’s room and returned with some ice packs. Normally, she wouldn’t have gotten caught out so easily, but she had had a match earlier in the night with Nikki ASH, so she wasn’t on top of her game. There was maybe a time where she’d be up for two matches a night and could do it easily, but times change, and so did she.

She gave a quick groan as she touched the sore spot on the neck. It sucked, but it was necessary. She leaned forward and looked down at the ground. She couldn’t dwell on what happened tonight. She had to look forward to Summerslam and give that her full attention. But that attention, at least currently, was broken because of by a knock on the door. One Nikki ASH, in her civilian clothes, stood looking at her sheepishly.

“What do you want?” Rhea said, her voice raised slightly because of the pain. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to shout. Just a bit annoyed right now.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

Rhea went to protest, not particularly wanting to talk to anyone right now, but she needed Nikki for one thing. “…. I do need someone to ice my back.”

Nikki went and picked up one of the other ice packs and applied it to the middle of Rhea's back. She winced at the initial chilly feeling, but then eased into it, enjoying how it soothed the pain.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you in the end. Should have held up my part of the team.” Nikki said, her voice low.

“Wasn’t much you could do. Neither of us were at 100 percent and they were fresh as daisies.”

“Not our best decision, accepting that tag match.”

“Nope, but I’ve done worse to be fair.“

Nikki’s mouth curled into a curious smile. “Like?”

“Entering Wargames. Woke up sore the entire week after that. Granted, wrestling at Survivor Series the night after didn’t help.” Rhea said, chuckling, remembering those two nights fondly.

“I thought it was really brave actually, even though I could tell you’d regret it in the long run.”

Rhea was taken aback slightly by the praise given. It’s not something she heard everyday. Usually people would chastise her (if albeit in a joking manner) for taking such a risk. But she didn’t care what they would think. It was two matches she’d never forget as long as she lived, invaluable to her career and her life.

“I don’t regret it, actually,” she said, shaking her head. “I’d do it all over again if I had to or could. It was my chance to put myself on the map in WWE. I had to take it. Nowadays though, I don’t think I’d be so eager to do it.”

“That’s your experience and maturity talking. You learn quickly when and when not to take certain risks. Trust me, I’ve been at this 13 years now, it becomes a very valuable trait down the line.”

“A superhero and a wise mage. You’re so multifaceted.” Rhea told her, smirking.

She had never gotten many opportunities to speak to Nikki before, at least not in such a personal and relaxed time. She had to admit; she was a bit surprised at how wise Nikki seemed. She knew of vets who wrestled as long as her that she learned nothing from when they offered her advice. So this was a nice change of pace.

“Ahem. Almost a superhero, but I will accept the wise mage moniker.” Nikki corrected her with a smile. “You’ll get there one day. I’ve been watching you since we faced off in 2018. You’re improving week after week. It’s kinda scary actually, if I’m honest. You’re so talented.”

The redness on Rhea’s face let Nikki know exactly how her praise resonated with her. “Thanks. Do you go around, complimenting all your temporary tag partners like this?”

“Only the ones who I consider my friends.”

Rhea’s faced turned slightly incredulous. Friends? Is that what Nikki thought of her? That was….. unexpected. She hadn’t exactly shown herself to be a friend type person. In fact, she was a loner through and through, only asking for help when she absolutely had to.

“You... consider me your friend?”

Nikki rested the ice pack down, and sat on the bench next to Rhea, realizing that this was something she needed to hear face to face.

“Of course. You showed me respect when others didn’t, and you were willing to help me when others didn’t. That usually constitutes a friend in my book.” Nikki said with her customary wide grin.

“That’s...nice....” Rhea told her, still not completely on board with was going on, mostly confused if she was honest.

“What’s wrong?”

“Just...you’re the first person to call me a friend around here. Not something I’m really accustomed to. I’m normally on my own.”

“Which is a damn shame if you ask me. You seem like a great person, once people get to know you. Take it from someone who was also a loner for a while. When the opportunity comes when someone wants to be your friend, take it. Being alone in this industry of ours, isn’t necessarily the best strategy.”

Rhea’s face turned red again as she looked away from Nikki. She had an idea and wasn’t quite sure how it would come across. She was the Nightmare, the most dangerous woman in WWE. She couldn’t be seen saying this to someone like Nikki. But seeing as no one else was here, and she was in a slightly less aggressive mood than usual, she decided to let loose.

“So something like, I wanna be your friend too.”

“Exactly.”

“Nikki?”

“Yeah?”

“... I wanna be your friend too.” Rhea told her with a half smirk, half smile, not quite knowing how to react to what she had just said.

Nikki, on the other hand, knew exactly how she wanted to react. “Oh! Oh, yes! Of course, you can be my friend too. That’s great!”

Rhea could only smirk at Nikki’s excited approach, her infectious personality hard to get away from.

“Oh! Can I give you a nickname?” Nikki continued. “Maybe like a superhero name! How about...?”

“The Nightmare is all the nickname I need. How about we stick with just Rhea for now?” Rhea told her, cutting her off. She wanted to be Nikki’s friend, but she drew the line at nicknames, especially of the superhero variety.

“Of course. It’s a lovely name.”

“Glad to hear. Now, I’m not gonna spend all night here. How’s about we head out and get something to eat?”

“Fine by me. What are you in the mood for?”

“I’m thinking... Chinese food.”

“I’m definitely ok with Chinese food. I’ll let you go and change and I’ll wait for you outside.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Rhea said smiling, her first genuine smile today.

Nikki then left the room, letting Rhea get on her with her stuff. Rhea sighed once she left. There was a part of her that wondered what the hell she was doing. She was the Nightmare. She wasn’t supposed to be friends with pretend superheroes. What would the Rhea at Wargames think of her now? But the other part realized that Rhea couldn’t be who she was anymore, at least not wholly. She needed to change, to move forward. RAW was a whole different beast than NXT. A lot tougher than she had expected. She couldn’t just go around doing what she wanted, she needed to be strategic about it. Sometimes the strategies involve befriending people, though if she was honest, this was more personal than tactic. She really did like Nikki and found her endearing. She had somehow melted the icy exterior she had put up, by simply being so infectiously happy all the time. But in all honesty, Rhea didn’t mind it being melted.

#rhea ripley #rhea ripley fanfiction #nikki ash #nikki cross #wwe #wwe raw #wwe fanfiction #fanfic #ao3 #archive of our own

[jungshookz]

consider this... so ballet class is done for the day and jimin is rubbing down the bars/wiping the foggy mirrors and y/n sees him and shes like you guys go ahead. then she stays to help him bc he works so hard to be a good teacher BUT THEN WHEN THEY FINISH ITS LIKE AFTER HOURS and they attempt to leave the building but realize that the janitor locked up so they're trapped inside and they're forced to be alone together until the person jimin called for help finally comes. imagine the TENSION 🥺

➺ pairing; park jimin x reader

➺ genre; balletteacher!jiminiverse!!! mostly cute things happen but also some words r exchanged that make it a little hot n heavy heh 

➺ wordcount: 8k 

➺ what to expect; “what-“ your voice cracks, “-makes you think that, mr. park?”

➺ optional readings: one; two; three

➺ note; i hope u don’t mind but i changed the request a little bit!! there’s still plenty of y/n and jimin cleaning up the classroom but the janitor didn’t make it in as a character :’(( but i douBT you guys care about the janitor anyway because hello it’s jimin and y/n!!! as per usual this drabble spun out of control which is why it’s 8k words long :D also i’m realising that all the parts combined basically add up to one of my regular fics so i guess ballet!jimin could’ve been a fic but enough about thAT i hope this very large drabble pleases the crowd!!! (also i’m sorry i couldn’t find the original source of the gif but i found it off this pinterest page) happy reading!!

                                       »»————-　♡　————-««

you typically do not condone lying because you believe in the idea that if you tell a lie, that lie will come back sooner or later to bite you in the ass… so it’s always better to tell the truth!

honesty is the best policy, after all  

with that being said you aRe human at the end of the day and you can make exceptions at times when it comes to telling the truth

and this would definitely be one of those times

“how come you haven’t packed your stuff up yet, slow-poke?” lisa nudges your back with her duffle bag and you turn around from your locker to see her and a couple of the other girls all packed up and ready to go “and how come you’re still in uniform??”

you pause for a second before offering her a sheepish smile “i… uh…”

here’s what’s happening

you really appreciated that jimin went out of his way to get all of you guys valentine’s day presents because it was just such a sweet surprise and honestly you haven’t been able to stop thinking about how bashful he was when he was handing everyone’s flowers out

and of course you haven’t forgotten the fact that you were the only one who received a lavender rose when everyone else got light pink ones

anyways

you bought him a little gift as a way to return the favour just because you felt kinda bad that he didn’t get anything on valentine’s day

and at first you were going to ask the others if maybe all of you should chip in and get him something nice and expensive but the selfish little monster inside of you convinced you that no, you should keep this a secret and make yourself look like the beST student!!!

and you will admit that you felt a little bad at first about not telling everyone about your idea because it… does kind of make you look like a suck-up (and you hate suck-ups!!!) buT in your defence, if you suggested the idea then everyone would just round back to the whole ‘y/n and mr park sitting on a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g’ teasing nightmare and why the heck would you want to subject yourself to even moRE teasing???

usually after class everyone kind of just goes off on their own after saying goodbye but for some reason, it seems that the girls decided to take their sweet-ass time in leaving this afternoon

you’re not even sure if jimin is in the dang building anymore at this point

“i know we usually walk to the subway together, but-” lisa speaks up again after five whole seconds of you staring at her going uhhhhhh before she gestures behind her “the girls suggested an uber carpool situation and my legs are suPer duper sore so i’m going for that - do you want in?”

“oh, well, thanks for asking- i think i’m… probably just going to take the subway home!” you smile politely as you discreetly shut your locker so that they don’t see the neatly wrapped gift peeking out of your bag

“aw, really?” lisa purses her lips in thought, “since it’s a little late, we can all walk you there and then i guess we’ll call an uber after we say good-“

“no, no!” you snort before flicking your wrist “you guys head off, no need to worry about me. it’s going to take me a while to change out of the unitard and the skirt and the-“

“since when do you change out of your uniform after class? everyone just wears their clothes ovEr their unitards.” jisoo pipes up from behind lisa and you swallow thickly before letting out a chuckle and scratching the back of your neck

that is true

everyone usually just puts on sweatpants and a hoodie after class

no one ever changes into another outfit!!!!

you can feel heat beginning to travel up the back of your neck

you’ve never been good at lying!!!!! and now you’re getting nervouS!! and when you get nervous you become even worse at lying!!!!!!

“are you feeling okay?? you look a little flushed-” ailee’s brows furrow together in confusion and you rub your clammy palms on the back of your cardigan

o god

what do you say now???

oOH tell them you had a bad tuna sandwich for lunch and that you need some alone time with the toilet

…ok no that’s a little nasty aNd very too-much-information

what about if you tell them you applied for a job here as an after-hours janitor and that you need to start getting ready for that and then when they ask you why you got a job here you can tell them that you’ve been having financial struggles and as a young woman living alone in a big city you’re just trying to make ends meet but it’s been really hard and you can barely pay for these classes and every night you have to beg on the streets for dinner-

yeah thAt one’s a little melodramatic and straight up not true so that probably isn’t going to work either

“helloooo?? what’s the holdup, people??” seulgi yells out from the entrance of the changing room

“-my period just came and it’s going to take me a while to strip off and do my business!” you blurt out and a couple of the girls back up a little because of how louDLy you announced that

“oh! alright, that makes sense?” lisa snorts before shaking her head “i totally get the struggle. do you… need a tampon or anything?”

“nope! i, uh, i’m all good. thank you, though.” you clear your throat and offer her a smile “but seriously, you guys go ahead and i’ll see you next week!”

you smile and wave as the last of the girls file out of the changing room before letting out a breath of relief

you appreciated them offering to walk you to the subway and all that but damN they were starting to get a little annoying!!

“okay… it’s not a big deal…” the present in your bag feels like it’s weighing you down as you make your way down the hallway back to the classroom  

for some reason it feels like you’re walking to your execution

it’s not a big deal!

it’s just a present for your teacher and that is noT a big deal

it’s a nice gesture and you’re doing this because you’re a nice person

…okay but if u think about it it is kind of a big deal because the person you’re giving this present to is park jimin and you don’t want him to think that you’re harbouring a little crush on him because a student crushing on her teacher is not only cliché but also kind of!!! pathetic!!!!!!

and if he knew that you had a crush on him he’d probably end up giving you a whole speech on being professional and respecting student-teacher relationship boundaries which is honestly very pitiful aND embarrassing and you’d much rather avoid that whole fiasco

hm

ok then maybe you should rethink this whole gift-giving thing

you can express your gratitude in other ways!

do you still have the receipt?

it’s probably crumpled up at the bottom of your bag  

you wonder to yourself if the store is still open right now and if you have time to return the-

“y/n?” you stumble backwards a little in surprise when the door suddenly swings open and jimin’s brows knit together curiously “what are you still doing here? was there something you wanted to talk about?”

oh there are pLenty of things you’d like to talk about with jimin

like the meaning behind the lavender rose he gave you and if he knows that it means what it means

“well, uh, i didn’t have something to talk about, necessarily…” you clear your throat as you follow him into the classroom “but i-“

“you know what, i’m actually glad you stayed behind.” jimin whips around and your eyes widen a bit

what’s that supposed to mean??

“you are?” you whisper faintly and jimin nods before offering you a smile

oh god

this is happening all too fast

a minute ago you were freaking out that jimin probably didn’t feel the same way but here he is now-

“the janitor said that he had to leave early tonight so i told him i’d stay behind after class to clean the classroom myself, but now that you’re here - why don’t you start wiping down the mirrors?” jimin gestures towards the grubby mirrors at the front of the classroom before pointing towards the door “and i’m going to go find the mop and bucket.”  

“oh!” you drop your duffle bag to the ground with a flop when jimin tosses a rag at you “well, mr. park, you see, i actually wanted to-“

“less talking, more cleaning, miss y/l/n…” jimin raises a brow at you before clapping his hands together “chop chop!”

“but i-“ you groan quietly when jimin slips out of the room before turning to look at the foggy mirrors

…okay why are the mirrors so dirty?????

you’re going to have to talk to everyone about maybe not smearing their hands all over the mirrors like animals

also you’re not sure how you’re supposed to give jimin his gifts when he’s given you the responsibility to help clean up the classroom

you didn’t sign up for thiS >:-(

right

so

it’s been about 20 minutes or so since you started cleaning

jimin put some music on so that the two of you wouldn’t be cleaning in awkward silence

he surprised you a little when he asked yoU what you wanted to listen to

(you ended up choosing one of those lofi mix videos on youtube because you felt like that would be a safe option)

(it’s an animal crossing gentle piano mix and it’s very soothing and is actually helping you calm down a little bit)

(“really? animal crossing?” “what?? you said i could choose!”)

you decided to take a break from the mirrors (wiping mirrors was noT as easy as you thought it’d be) so you’ve moved on to wiping down the bars instead

jimin’s on his hands and knees diligently scrubbing away at some shoe marks on the floor

he wore a white button up and slacks to class today which isn’t anything out of the usual except for the fact that now he’s unbuttoned the top couple of buttons and he’s rolled + pushed up the sleeves and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t bothered by it

the chain around his neck seems to wink at you under the lights and almost immediately you wonder what his chain would look like hanging above you

…oh boy

you swallow thickly before scrubbing harder at a smudge on the bar

okay you know what

this is ridiculous

you came here to give him something but here you are doing chores

and it seems that you’ve decided against giving him his gift simply because you are SHY

you’re weak

WEAK!!!!

a weak little wimp, that’s what you are

no offence (but it’s kind of tru)

“hey, mr. park?” you blurt out before you realise and your eyes widen slightly in panic

“yes?” jimin turns to glance at you over his shoulders for a second before returning to his vigorous scrubbing aaaaAAND you are now realising that his shirt is a little see-through under the lights and his back muscles are.,., well.,., they are definitely flexing.,.,

you cut your nails recently so it probably wouldn’t hurt him if you dug them into his shoulder blad-

oh my god

get a grip

PLEASE for the love of god get a grip

you know what

it’s because your period is late this month!! that’s why your hormones are completely out of whack

you wouldn’t be surprised if you reeked of pheromones right now

“also, you can call me jimin, you know. mr. park is kind of an in-class thing.” jimin teases

“right! …jimin.” you cough a little when your voice wavers slightly

it’s not that you’re uncomfortable with calling him jimin

it’s just that you’re used to calling him mr. park and jimin feels so informal and you knoW he’s only like two? three? years older than you so it’s not weird for you to be calling him by his name but!!!!! aHH

but then again you like saying his name :-) because it makes you feel closer to him :-) oh god u rly do like him :-)

(also he likes hearing u say his name)

“i, um-“ you hang the rag over the bar before quickly wiping your hands on the back of your skirt “the reason why i stayed behin-“

“hold that thought-“ jimin gets up off the ground and dusts his hands off before patting his stomach “i don’t know about you but i am starving, so i’m going to quickly get some food from that deli down the block - do you want anything? i feel a little bad that i made you stay after class to help me clean.” he grabs his jacket before checking the pockets to make sure he has his wallet with him

right

well  

maybe this is another sign from god to noT giving jimin this present

every time you’re about to do it something happens!!!

“oh gosh, don’t worry about it! i… didn’t have any plans, anyway, so…” you snort before turning away from him because woW you are very good at making yourself sound like a loser “but, uh- you don’t have to get me anything! thank you for offering…”

“alright, i’ll be back in twenty. feel free to take a break!”

as soon as jimin leaves you immediately smack your forehead against the glass

okay first of all ouch

but second of all

“c’mon, y/n. keep it cool!”

what is it about park jimin that reduces you into a fumbling, awkward little loser???!!!

jimin lets out a breath as soon as he steps out of the room

he has no idea what’s wrong with him today but for some reason he’s like extra jittery and he has no idea why

it probably has something to do with the three iced lattes he drank but aLso it doesn’t really help that for the last 20 minutes he’s been alone with you and it’s driving him crazy

you drive him crazy!!!

he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about you

you’ve been grand jetéing all over his damn mind for the last two weeks!!

lately he’s just been finding it more than difficult to suppress and deny his feelings for you

like during the ten minute break in the middle of class he thinks it’s so sweet how excited you get when you pull your snacks out of your bag

the other day you brought in some cherries and you were making some of the girls crack up because you were trying to use the cherry juice to stain your lips for a make-shift lipstick but you were failing miserably

and then when you noticed he was watching you you immEdiately wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and ended up smearing cherry juice across your cheek and he had to try sO hard not to crack a smile at that

or when one of the girls asks you to help them out with a move you’re always so willing to help out

it’s pretty normal for jimin to give you guys about half an hour of class time to just get used to the routine and practice it on your own (and also this time gives him the chance to sit back and relax a little bit)

but he’s noticed that y/n the student is very different from y/n the teacher

“okay, 5-6-7-8- nope. no. try again. here we go, 5-6-7-up- okay, you need to get this timing right otherwise you’re going to be a beat behind for the entire routine.” you shake your head as you look at lisa in the mirror “are you paying attention? you go on the 8, you don’t go after the 8. i don’t know how many times i need to tell you that.”

“right, sorry…” lisa mutters as she gets back into first position and blows some hair out of her face

“don’t be sorry, just be ready.”

jimin’s eyes nearly pop out of his skull when he hears you say that because that’s what hE says to you guys all the time!!!

it’s adorable how you’ve been picking up on some of his techniques :’) the technique of being scary :’)

but also… he’s kind of very into y/n the teacher

miss y/n is hot

jimin immediately pinches his arm as soon as he thinks that before reminding himself to control himself

“alright, 5-6- ooh, wait, before we start- do you like my new leg warmers??” you ask excitedly before sticking one of your legs out and turning back towards lisa “strawberry patterned!!! strawberry!!!”

aaaand y/n the student is back

or the other day when you asked him for tips on a triple-pirouette because even though he taught that lesson a couple weeks back (ahem the day you sprained your ankle) you still haven’t been able to get the hang of it

it shouldn’t be that complicated!!! it’s literally just spinning on one foot so you don’t understand how you manage to fall off balance each time

anyways while he was walking you through the correct posture and all that he couldn’t help but notice the way that you were staring at yourself in the mirror

“neck straight and lengthened… eye-line is up.” jimin stands behind you but reaches around to tilt your chin up “and shoulders…”

there’s a little divot in between your brows and your tongue is poking out a little in between your lips and jimin doesn’t know how this is the first time he’s seen you make this face because you look like a little puppy and it’s adORABLE

damnit

every time he thinks he’s finally gotten control of his feelings for you you manage to reel him riGht back in

“mr. park?” jimin snaps out of it when you speak up and he blinks twice before looking at you in the mirror

“ah- sorry, what?”

“you… were saying something about shoulders?”

“shoulders! shoulders, yes.” jimin nods quickly and looks over your position “uh, shoulders down.”

jimin stares blankly into space as he waits for his order to be ready

he just doesn’t know what to do

he always knows what to do!

in fact, he prides himself on being able to handle anything that comes his way while remaining both level-headed and classy

but this

this is unknown territory

he’s a teacher, an authority figure, crushing on one of his students like a smitten little schoolboy and if he acts on his feelings, that could not only jeopardise his position at the school (and future positions at other schools) but also your enrolment at the school anD your relationship with your fellow peers (seulgi seems like the type to judge on the spot!!) aND!! your relationship with him!!  

because what if he tells you he likes you and you feel forced to tell him that you like him too because he’s your teacher??

would that classify as him abusing his power???

maybe in another universe if he wasn’t your teacher, you guys could be together

age definitely isn’t a problem because he’s only 3 years older than you which really isn’t that large of a gap

he could freely take you out all over the city

he could hold your hand whenever he wanted and he could kiss you whenever he wanted

you guys could go on dinner dates and movie dates and ice cream dates and museum dates and aLL the dates

maybe one night he could drive you to the outskirts of the city and you guys could have a picnic by the river and he could rest his head on your lap while you threaded your fingers through his hair

he wouldn’t have a care in the world because all that matters to him is you

and he doesn’t know if your whole “i, y/n y/l/n, am 110% attracted to park jimin-“ speech was just for entertainment purposes or if there’s truth behind your words but god he hopes it’s the latter

but at the same time, he has to be realistic about this

even if you do like him back… he can’t do anything about it

because at the end of the day he’s still mr. park and you’re still miss y/l/n

yeah

maybe in another life… just not this one.

“order number 48!”

jimin squeezes his way to the front of the crowd to grab his take-out bag

suddenly he’s lost his appetite

chakkachakkachakkachakka

“hey, mr. park, i actually have something for y- nope, no, he said to call him jimin-“ you mutter to yourself as you scrub vigorously at the grime in between the floorboards

god it’s like the janitor doesn’t even trY to clean this place up

everything’s so dusty and icky!!

“well, jimin, the funny thing is i actually stayed behind to- why is it funny? it’s not funny. you’re not funny.” you grumble and reach up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear as you continue to scrub with the worn-out toothbrush

these people really need to invest in some proper cleaning equipment

also you’re scrubbing so hard that your arm is going to pop out of its socket soon

and you’ve been on your hands and knees for the last ten minutes so every joint in general is starting to get a little sore

maybe you should take a brea-

“okay, i know you said you didn’t want anything, but i noticed that you didn’t bring a snack in with you today so you must be at least a little peckish.” you jump three feet into the air when the door suddenly swings open and you quickly get up off the ground

you can’t help but hiss a little in pain when your knee cracks

ouCh

if anything this is a sign that your body wasn’t made for cleaning the floor and you should stick to mirror polishing

“but i’m almost done scrubbing the-”

“i got you a grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of tomato soup.” jimin looks back at you as he peels his leather jacket off and tosses it on top of his bag

“ooH i love grilled cheese sandwiches-!“ your eyes widen in excitement but you quickly dial it back when the corner of jimin’s mouth twitches in a smile “i mean… thank you, jimin.”

he nods in acknowledgement as he pulls the boxes out of the paper bag “come and sit. i have a wet-wipe for you if you wanted to clean off a little.”

okay

this is not a big deal

you and jimin are just… sharing a meal which is NOT a big deal

you’re having dinner together!

…oh god you’re having dinner with jimin

is this a date?????

are you on a date with jimin????

okay now you’re just spiralling

how many times do you need to remind yourself to keep it cool???

no

you know what

this isn’t a date, because if it were a date, then there’d be like candles and everything for mood lighting and you wouldn’T be wearing leg warmers and your hands wouldn’t reek of chemical cleaner

and these bright fluorescent lights in the studio completely kills the whole romantic thing so you’re fine!

“what did you-“ just as you get settled on the ground, the fluorescent lights hanging from the ceiling crackles and burns out “…huh.”

on the topic of lights

the weirdest thing about this studio is the vast array of lights hanging on the ceiling

because there are little spotlight bulbs lined up where the mirror is at the front of the room along with the back of the room which are warmer toned

on the ceilings are the classic tube fluorescent lights which obviously have a whiter tint to them

nighttime classes aren’t a huge thing so most of the time you guys don’t even use the lights because the suN is your source of light so you never really understood why the studio was designed this way

anyway, the point is - bright fluorescent lights certainly don’t scream romance but now that they’re dead and you’re left with the warm, golden glow of the spotlight bulbs,..,,. this feels more like a date than a simple shared meal

you swallow thickly

“christ… i bet the janitor didn’t change the lights like i asked him to.” jimin scoffs as he looks up at the ceiling

that guy never listens to him!!!

“actually, this happens a lot more than you think.” he sighs as he sets the boxes down on the ground

“oh?” you clear your throat as you pull your box towards you

“i usually stay for a couple more hours after you girls leave and this isn’t the first time the lights have died on me. at least the spotlight bulbs are working…”

“a little dim, but as long as we’re not fumbling around in the dark, right?” you snort as you pop the lid of the soup container off

almost immediately the smell of tangy tomato soup tickles your nostrils

yuMMy

“you’re right, it is a little dim… lucky for us, i actually keep candles in the cabinet.” jimin claps his hands together before swooping down to open up the cabinets

…yeah so what were you saying about this not being a date setting??

as jimin works on lighting the candles, yoU work on figuring out things to talk about to kill the mood

“you know, um, when i make grilled cheese sandwiches for myself at home, i actually use mayo instead of butter!” you clear your throat as jimin takes a seat after lighting the candles

“i’ve heard about that hack… but i do have to say it sounds a little nasty.” jimin raises a brow as he unwraps his own sandwich

“hey now… don’t knock it til ya try it!” you gasp in mock offence before tearing the sandwich in half and watching the cheese stretch out

god

what a beautiful sight

gooey cheese should be considered as one of the seven wonders of the world

“are you playing with your food?” jimin watches as you wind the stretched out cheese from one chunk of the sandwich around the other sandwich

“playing with your food makes it more fun to eat. that’s a scientific fact.” you break it off before bringing it up to your mouth for a bite

“oh yeah? says who?” jimin teases as feeds himself a spoonful of soup

you swallow your bite and shrug “says me!”

a couple seconds of silence ticks by in which the two of you continue to munch quietly and keep to yourselves

you hate silence

it makes you itChy for some reason

“how about we play a game?” after one whole minute of nothing but the sound of quiet chewing, you decide that soMething has to be said

“what kind of a game?” jimin sits up straighter as he polishes off the first half of his sandwich

“how about…”

hm

you should have thought this through

okay

some kind of an icebreaker game

something safe

truth or dare sounds like it could wander into risky territory so maybe not that

“ooh! two truths and a lie - ballet edition.”

“ballet edition? how would that work?” jimin hums as he picks up the other half of his sandwich

you feel your heart hiccup as he tears it in half and stretches the cheese out

he’s copying u :’)

“lemme think…” you wipe some of the grease on your fingers off on a napkin before leaning back on your palms “okay. my favourite move is the grand jeté, my favourite performance was the nutcracker, and my favourite warm-up exercise is the butterfly stretch.”

jimin thinks to himself as he chews slowly

you smile a little as you pick up your sandwich and take a bite

“your favourite move is not the grand jeté. the other day when i said that i’d be incorporating it into our next routine, i swear i could see the light die in your eyes.” jimin snorts before dusting the crumbs off his hand “that was too easy.”

“can you blame me?? i’m not trying to sprain my ankle again!” you pout as you reach down to brush your fingers over your ankle (that has fully recovered, thank goD) “fine, you give it a try then!”

“so it can be about anything related to ballet?”

“anything at all.”

anything related to ballet

ooh he can talk about his education!!

“alright, let’s see.” jimin wipes his mouth with a napkin, “i graduated at the top of my class… i was the youngest student in my class… and… i am not drowning in student debt.”

“…jimin, the game is called two truths and a lie, not three brags and a nothing.”

“well- there are two truths and a lie!! i’m still playing by the rules!!”

“okay, fine - obviously you’re still drowning in student debt. everyone is!!” you scoff as you pop a piece of crust into your mouth

“ah-“ jimin holds a finger up before wagging it at you “that one’s actually true. i’m not drowning in debt because my education was paid for by the scholarship i was awarded- say, this game is fun! your turn!!”

you can’t help but roll your eyes “again, this isn’t three brags and a noth- hEY-“

you squawK in surprise when jimin suddenly throws a crumpled up napkin ball at you

“don’t roll your eyes at me, miss y/l/n…” he teases before threatening to throw another one “go!! your turn!!”

“alright, alright… let me try to think of something to brag about too!”

the two of you spend the next half an hour or so playing the game while finishing up dinner

at one point you nearly wipe your greasy fingers on your skirt and jimin swats your hand away before telling you that if you walked into his class with a dirty uniform on he would definitely kill you

“okay, give me one last one before we clean up and get back to… well, cleaning up.” jimin pops the lid back onto the empty cup and sets it aside

also you’re going to need to ask him where he bought dinner from because the grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup was actually incredible

“fine, but you have to promise not to get mad or anything- that one time i forgot to bring my pointe shoes was definitely on purpose… we have a nickname for you that i can’t say because the others would kill me for it… ooh, and here’s a good one-“ you snort as you perk up in excitement “all of the girls in class have fallen deeply in love with you after you gave everyone roses on valentine’s day.”

the smile falters on jimin’s face

…

uh oh

maybe that one was a little over the line

you forgetting your pointe shoes was an accident!!! you were in a rush and you forgot to pack them

“…”

your lips part to say something but then it hits you

‘all of the girls’ also includes yourseLF you idiot

‘all of the girls have fallen deeply in love with you’

wow

you are incredible

well you might as well go ahead and throw yourself at him too while you’re at it!!

“all of them, you say?”

if that one’s a truth then he hopes you really do mean all of the girls in class

“y’know, uh, speaking of those roses-“ your voice cracks and you feel your face heat up a little before you scramble up off the ground “i actually wanted to say thank you for the valentine’s day gifts you gave us which was why i hung back after class in the first place-”

“oh?” jimin perks up in interest as he crumples up his napkin and tosses it into the paper bag

he can’t help but smile fondly as he watches you fumble through your bag with your tongue poking out

there it is again!!!!

little puppy :-(

god

you make everything so cute

“yeah! i felt a little bad that you didn’t get anything and that… you know, you had to spend valentine’s day with us…” you pull the presents out and a small frown tugs at your lips when you realise the wrapping paper is a little smooshed

oh well

it’s the thought that counts  

and hopefully these presents will get his mind off of what u just said lol

“ah, that’s very nice of you, but you really didn’t have to get me anything…” jimin feels his own cheeks flush a little when you sit down across from him and your knee nudges against his own

“don’t be silly… you didn’t have to get us anything, but you did! and i thought that was very sweet of you.” you smile at him as you hand the presents over

okay WOW you might as well have tiny cartoon hearts floating around your head

reel it iN

“well, i’m glad you liked your rose.” jimin hums as he carefully tears the wrapping paper

you did a very neat job at wrapping his gift so he’s not just going to tear into it like an animaL

jimin’s eyes light up in excitement when he sees what the first present is

ooh!!!!!!!

metal straws!!!!!!

“they’re for those iced lattes you drink all the time!” you grin giddily as you look at his face to gauge his reaction

from the looks of it he seems like he’s a fan and hopefully he’s no longer thinking about your weird confessioN

“ah! i love these! you know, i was thinking about buying them but i keep forgetting, so this is great!”

he’s going to use these metal straws all the time!!!!

he loves them!!!!

save the turtles!!!!!

he’s feeling very trendy now

“also, i chose blue because it matches your hair.” your eyes flicker towards his pale blue strands and jimin unconsciously reaches up to run his fingers through his hair

“you noticed my blue hair? damn, i was trying to be subtle about it…” jimin jokes before moving on to the next gift

“did mr. park just crack a joke?” you gasp mockingly and jimin can’t help but roll his eyes playfully

“mean mr. park does have a sense of humour, you know-“

“for a while there i was seriously considering the theory of you being an android-“

“now look who’s being mean!!”

it’s weird that this is really the only time you’ve had a conversation with jimin outside of class

and it’s even weirder than he’s basically an entirely different person outside of class

with that being said

on monday when he reverts back to mr. park he’s most definitely going to still have the ability to make you pee yourself

as he begins to tear the second gift open you speak up again

“i noticed that the journal you used to take notes and stuff looked a little tattered, so i thought maybe it’d be nice for you to have a new one! obviously you don’t have to use it if you don’t like it, but i just thought that… yeah.”

it’s a handmade brown leather bound journal with his initials pressed (and painted gold!!) on the front cover

truth be told you were a little wary about this gift because it felt oddly… intimate? personal?

it just feels more like a gift you’d give to your significant other rather than your teacher

like if you gave your professor an apple that’s normal but if you gave your professor a box of chocolate covered strawberries that’s a lil.,,.,. a lil out of line and more ‘i love you!’ than ‘i respect you!’

but before you could change your mind about it the person at the store had already finished pressing the letters in and she said no refunds so

oops

“oh, wow… this is beautiful, y/n…” jimin breathes out as he smooths his hand over the leather

although it’s fairly obvious he likes the gift you’re still vERY nervous for some reason

you catch yourself twisting your skirt in between your hands and you quickly let go and clasp your hands together on your lap

“so you… you like it?” you press your lips together and jimin snorts

“like it? i love it!” jimin gushes as he flips through the book “thank you very much, y/n. these were very thoughtful presents, i really appreciate it.” he hums contently before looking up at you with a warm smile

you feel your heart skip a beat at the little twinkle in his eyes

he,.,., is literally..,,. the most beautiful man you’ve ever laid your eyes upon.,,.

also the two of you have unconsciously been scooching closer to each other this entire time and your knees are basically pressed up against each others  

you’re so focused on the fact that your heart is pounding in your chest that you don’t notice jimin’s gaze flicker to your lips for a brief second

god he wants to kiss you

after dinner you pulled out the strawberry-mint flavoured gum you’re always chewing on before class (you offered him a piece but he’d already pulled out his own plain ol’ spearmint gum for himself)

so he’d definitely taste strawberry if he kissed you

and he really likes strawberries

“also, i-“ you lean back quickly before letting out a nervous chuckle and getting up from the ground “i also wanted to take this chance to apologise for the… inappropriate comments i made a couple weeks back.”

“inappropriate comments?” jimin clears his throat and leans back a little as well

he reaches up to scratch the back of his neck

hOo

maybe he should turn the air conditioner on

it’s getting a little hot in here

he gets up off the ground before heading over to the front of the room where the switches are

“oh, right!” jimin flips the air con switch on and tugs at his collar a bit “you mean you telling the entire class that you’d like to sit on my-“

“tHAT waS-“ you interrupt jimin before he gets a chance to finish his sentence before clearing your throat loudly “see, the thing is, that was just seulgi getting under my skin- i’m sure you’ve noticed we have a best frenemies kind of situation going on-“

you roll your eyes as you start to polish the mirror again (because you’re getting nervous again and when u get nervous you nEED to do something with your hands) “basically some of the girls were talking about you and i stepped in to- y’know, make sure that they were keeping things respectful because you aRe our teacher-“

ok all this rant is doing is making you sound like a major teacher’s pet but pop off sis

“a-anyways, seulgi seemed to think that me defending you was because i had a crush on you, so then i kinda just said all that stuff to get her off my back, you know? does that make sense? i’m not sure if i’m making sense.” you babble on as you start wiping at one spot on the mirror a littLe too aggressively “and, you know, i would, um, under normal circumstances, i would nevEr ever ever disrespect my teachers like that and i just hope that you-“

jimin stops listening to your nervous babbling to flashback to that afternoon

‘i would 100% love to sit on park jimin’s face because i, y/n y/l/n, am 110% attracted to him.’

even the reminder of you saying that sends a shiver down his spine and sends blood rushing to multiple parts of his body

you know what

fuck it

he’s just going to go for it

he’s sat on this for far too long and if it doesn’t work out, he’s veRy good at acting like he doesn’t care about anything

so, either way, he’ll be totally fine!!!

…right??

“do you?” jimin cuts you off and you look at him in the mirror as he packs the gifts away in his bag

“do i- sorry, do i what?”

jimin zips his bag up loudly and you jump a little in surprise

“do you have a crush on me, y/n?”

your hand immediately freezes on the mirror and your grip tightens on the rag

all you can hear is the sound of the air con whirring above you and your heart beating in your ears

you-

did he just-

what are you supposed to-

is this really happening right now or are u having a fever dream

you force your hand to move but your movements make you seem more like a tin-man rather than a normal human being

“i-i don’t… i’m not sure i understand the, uh…” your heart seems to beat faster with every slow step jimin takes towards you “what exactly, um, what exactly do you mean by ‘crush’? b-because, y’know, crush… crush can be interpreted in… in a miLLion different ways, so…”  

…

reaLLY??

thAt’s your response??

gee mr. park can you define crush for me???

can you use it in a sentence sir???

“okay, fine.” jimin purses his lips before tilting his head “are you attracted to me, miss y/l/n?” your hand freezes mid-wipe on the mirror with an obnoxious squeak the moment you realise jimin is standing directly behind you

if u thought that being referred to as miss y/l/n in class was intimidating

hOo boy

“a-attracted?”

this is making you want to catapult yourself into the middle of a busy intersection

“attracted. romantically…” jimin looks at you through the mirror and for some reason you’re unable to unlock gazes with him “sexually.”

“what-“ your voice cracks, “-makes you think that, mr. park?”

the corner of jimin’s mouth tugs up in a sly smirk

well now he definitely knows how you feel about him

this is where it gets fun

“well, i notice that you become very flushed whenever i’m close to you. the apples of your cheeks and the tips of your ears turn bright pink… kind of like how they are right now.” you can feel the heat radiating off of jimin’s body from how close he’s standing to you

you swallow thickly when he reaches up to pluck the rag out of your hand before tossing it aside

you’re completely frozen from head to toe but you manage to slowly drag your hand down from the mirror

“and don’t think i don’t notice the way you look at me when you think i’m not paying attention.” jimin hums and reaches around to tilt your chin upwards as his other hand rests on your waist “look at yourself, y/n.”

miraculously enough you manage to drag your gaze away from jimin to look at yourself in the mirror

oh boy

you are flushed

and your pupils are so blown out to the point where they’ve almost completely consumed your iris’

your chest rises and falls as you continue to take in shallow breaths

“i see the moony look in your eyes… and they get extra moony when i come to class wearing white button-ups.” jimin whispers in your ear and you feel every single hair on your body prickle to life “i see the way you bite your lip when i roll them up like this-“ jimin presses both palms up against the mirror next to your head and you swallow thickly at the sight of his almost obscenely attractive forearms caging you in

“and when you bend down to fix your shoes or adjust your leg warmers… you know exactly what you’re doing, don’t you?” jimin purrs and reaches down to tilt your chin up again

your back is pressed right up against his chest

“you’re not nearly as sneaky as you think you are…”

o god

you feel like you can’t speak

your mouth is just dRY

also you don’t know whether you should be feeling humiliated or.,,.,. slightly turned on

is it possible to feel both at the same time??

“tell me you want this as much as i do.” jimin feels like his heart is about to beat out of his chest but it’s waY too late to take everything back

your head is reeling and you’re honestly not sure how to respond

because on one hand this is finALLY happening and your dreams are literally coming true right before your eyes but on the other hand this is finally happening and usually when you fantasise about jimin you never let it get this far so you haven’t had the chance to plan out your next move

meanwhile, jimin has no idea what to think and has no idea how to interpret your silence

he waits for another ten seconds to go by before deciding to call it

time of death is 7:48pm

well

this was mortifying

and he’s probably going to lose his job now!

so that’s great!  

“shit, i…” he lets his hands fall from the mirror before taking a couple steps back from you “god, i… i’m sorry, that was wildly inappropriate of me, i just thought- mmph!”

jimin stumbles back with wide eyes when you’re suddenly launcHing yourself at him and it doesn’t take long for him to start kissing you back

his arm snakes around your waist as he reaches up to cup your jaw

he was right

you do taste like strawberries

jimin feels a new kind of flame ignite within him when he hears a little whimper slip past your lips when he presses you up against the mirror

and yoU are just floating on cloud nine

jimin’s lips are so impossibly soft and pillowy and you feel like you could kiss him forever

jimin pulls away first to catch his breath and he can’t help but chuckle when you lean up to chase after his lips

“i’m not going anywhere, you know-“

“i know, but you’re a really good kisser-“ you breathe out as you nudge your nose against his

hOo

you could use a breather too

“i like you, y/n. i like you a lot.” jimin whispers and leans down to press his forehead against yours

you feel your heart soaring in your chest at his confession and if it’s even possible your cheeks get even pinker

“i like you too.”

and even though the two of you are currently encased in a warm bubble of love, one single question pops up in your minds at the same time:

what the hell am i going to do now?

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

requested drabbles masterlist

#requested drabbles #jimin drabbles #balletteacher!jimin #balletteacher!jimin drabbles #jimin fics #jimin fic recs #jimin writing #jimin fluff #jimin fluff recs #jimin #jimin smut #bts fics #bts fic recs #bts drabbles #bts #bts fluff recs #bts fluff #bts smut #bts smut recs #jimin smut recs #bts jimin #jimin hot #jimin au #bts au #reader insert #jimin x reader #jimin x reader cute #jimin x reader smut #woopsie doopsies #park jimin

[ciaran-archive]

Serious question. How do you write long stories? Is there a technique or advice for that? No matter what story I have in mind, I can't seem to tell it in anything longer than 1 to 2k. Writing 5k is tiring already, where do people seriously get that stamina to even do 50 or 100 or 200k? It's mind-blowingly amazing.

there is nothing less worthy or amazing about writing shorter fic - i know writers who struggle with it, and i’ve come to inhabit that position somewhat myself, though i’m determined to stay in practice. it’s a different skillset, that’s all. your fics aren’t worse for being shorter.

that said i will not deny that longer fics generate far more engagement from fandoms simply by virtue of updating more often  → being on top of the ao3 tag when people first open it  → getting more clicks and being considered less ‘frivolous’ (which is bullshit, but what can you do)

if you’re dead sure you want to write longer fic, i would first recommend reading this post about writing drabbles, which i promise is relevant to the point i’m about to make.

Because drabbles are about one moment. You don't need to know exactly what happened before this moment of dialogue, or what happens next, or what's happening around it. You don't have to do any of the planning you might do for a longer fic, but you also don't have the space to let the scene lead in and develop naturally. You've got 100 words.

a lot of writing a longer story is about establishing the scope of your story, deciding what beats you want to hit. there are a lot of ways to go about this; [some people like to outline. i don’t outline, ever, so if you want help for outlining you should look at the other sources on the internet. there are quite a few.] i’m going to talk about the way i’ve learnt to do it.

so when i’m writing a short fic, the thing i’m considering is one or two ideas, and one or two moments (short in this case being under 5k). this also depends on the style i’m going for - fics with sparser styles can fit more scenes, if i’m going for my usual style, each scene takes about 700-2000 words at least and therefore takes up more space. a lot of how i eased into writing longer fics was focusing on stylistic changes - you can push up the word count of a fic by going moment by moment. note the difference between: 

They’d been standing next to each other as they spoke; now Felix turned to him in the rain, startled by the admission of weakness. He reached out clumsily, bumping his hand against Ryan’s until he took the hint and grabbed on.

and 

The rain made it near-impossible to hear Ryan speaking, but the harshness in his voice would’ve been audible through a hurricane. “So you ran away,” he said, like he hadn’t expected this. 

“Course I did,” Felix snapped. “What was I supposed to do? Stick it out and let her kill me?” I almost did, he added under his breath.

Ryan’s sensitive werewolf ears, of course, caught that. “I’m glad you did,” he amended, as though it pained him to admit it. “I would’ve - I did the same. It’s all you can do, sometimes.”

Felix turned to him, blinking through the curtains of water. Ryan was slouching in the downpour, eyes narrowed elsewhere. Mostly he was startled by the admission of weakness - rare in a person who prided himself so thoroughly on being reliable and independent. He reached out, struck by the urge to offer whatever clumsy comfort he was capable of; his hand bumped against Ryan’s, and he held it there until Ryan caught up and wove their fingers together. 

His hands were wet and cold, and he gripped so hard Felix’s very human bones ached, but he wouldn’t have pulled away now. Not when he’d been the one to offer.

it’s not even that one is necessarily better than the other - they both work, and they’re working in different ways. they’re set in the same scene, conveying the same beat - reaching out to comfort someone in the wake of vulnerability. it’s just that one is longer, and therefore gives you more room to - set the scene (rain, being unable to hear each other) - use dialogue to show what is being told in the first example - convey extra information about the characters (actually, if this was a scene i was writing in a fic or novel, the stuff about ryan being a werewolf would already be known to the reader, so i would use that space to convey something else about ryan in that moment) - elaborate on felix’s internal state: the transition from defensive to curious/surprised to gentle - linger for a sentence or two on the moment of connection

this is about unraveling a scene and making it bigger than it was, breaking it apart into tinier beats and describing each one in the narrative. what happens when you do that and your fic doesn’t get much bigger still?

back to scope! we understand, as people who read and write and live, that the part of a story that you choose to depict in a narrative is not the entire story: events happen off-screen. some of them happened before the story started, and they will continue to happen after the story ends. the narrative is only showing you an arc, a particular series of events. 

when you’re writing fic, you have in fact tremendous amounts of flexibility when it comes to the scope of a story. you can write something that is about a single moment in canon, and trust that your audience is following along because they have the context already. so you don’t need to waste time on setting it up, which often means - if you’re given to a certain kind of fic writing (canon compliant / small divergences / missing scenes / character studies) your fics will end up not being very long because you’re not reiterating what you don’t need to reiterate. your idea is small because it inhabits a small space, is squished between canon events, and so doesn’t ever get bigger. if this is what is happening, it’s good, and you should try to preserve this going forward. 

people who are writing longer fic are, simply, working with bigger ideas*. they’re not just going “what if he said what he wanted in this scene instead of going home?” and writing the bit where they kiss immediately after - they’re also going “what if this changed everything in the future? what happens if they tackle all their problems together from now on? what new problems arise from this?”

*hopefully they are working with bigger ideas. i have seen longfics that are just incredibly fucking tedious because the author swallowed a thesaurus and had a tenuous grasp on plotting to begin with. 

that’s for a canon divergent fic, presumably. you might also be writing a post-canon fic, with its own set of pre-fic events and a new set of problems to deal with. currently, for example, i’m writing a fic where akira and goro were dating after canon, broke up, and stayed together in a deeply dysfunctional way after that - and the consequences for them now that they’re forced to deal with the mess they’ve made of their lives, together and apart. so now they have to deal with: the catalyst for dealing with their old problems, which is a problem in itself, and their old problems, which have been festering for a really long time.

which forms the core of the scope i’m talking about. i have to go through a bunch of scenes to set this fic up - i need to show their old problems and their new problems, i need to explain why the old ones haven’t been dealt with already, i need to set up the potential for dealing with them and the necessity of doing so, i need to give them places to start, and also i want to allow them to fail so they can choose to start again. i know these things because i have some idea of the kind of story i want to tell. if i didn’t know this, my story would not go anywhere by itself, and i would have to start outlining scene by scene the way people who actually outline do it, and i hate doing that because then i never write. 

if you can outline and it doesn’t make you want to chew wood, then i highly recommend picking up the habit. it’s very useful, and the methodical approach is a fantastic failsafe for the moments when you (me) get stuck on your fic (breakup au) and have to stop writing for several weeks in order to figure out a single fucking plot point that will let you move forward and

anyway. 

so yeah! to sum up;

find a larger scope for your story

get in the habit of picking apart beats into discrete moments and guiding the narrative through them

learn to outline if you can

last thing - which is perhaps the most vital and least reliable - stamina. 

you WILL lose interest in half the longer fics you write. it WILL suck. if you think you know pain because you have 700 words of a fic and can’t get through the last 400, i promise you it is like that but much worse because you have 7000 words now, or 17000 words, and you are stuck with no way forward. it will suck so BAD. 

don’t beat yourself up over it. once you’re in the habit of writing something long, you will retain that habit, and be able to apply it elsewhere. the words aren’t wasted, they’re practice, and they’re worth what they’ve taught you.

but! all the scope and internal scene-building and outlines won’t help you if you do not (and this is not as bad as everyone makes it sound) actually write. you HAVE to learn to actually write. you have to figure out what you like about writing and make a longfic outline [/ scene beats notes chart / themes mind map / tumblr tag of inspiring quotes and photography] that consists entirely of stuff you love and then you have to sit down and write your fic. it is not terribly scary. it’s okay to fail, but you also have no way around this. 

i hope this helped, and good luck!

#writelogging #ok 2 rb #anon #asks

[definitelynotkatesblog]

Beg ∣ Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

A/N: Hi, friends! This is my first time writing a fanfic piece, so of course it had to be for my love, Dr. Spencer Reid! This literally started out as a blurb in the notes app in my phone of maybe.... one line of dialogue?

Also, I am ready and willing to receive feedback! Please enjoy! 

If this opening scene was in a movie, the opening lines of Me & Mr. Jones by Amy Winehouse would be playing.

Nobody stands

In between me and my man

Me and Mr. Jones

(Me and Mr. Jones)

What kind of fuckery is this?

Category: Smut (and some cuteness at the end)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Cursing, Dom!Spencer, PostPrison!Spencer, bondage, unprotected penetrative sex, con/non con, safe word mention (not used, just mentioned), mention of overstimulation, orgasm denial, forced orgasms, indication of sub-drop? (then after care).

Word count: 3.0k 

Prison had changed Spencer. Obviously. Your once timid, tightly wound, germaphobe genius was now eerily patient, quicker to react, and able to eat in group settings with less hesitation. He was also more dominant with you in and out of the bedroom- just more assertive in general. Even his coworkers at the BAU mentioned his demeanor had changed when working on cases.

You had assumed it was due to him not feeling in control for those months he was property of the prison, and needing to exert his control in other aspects once he could eat and sleep on his own schedule. 

Before Spencer had gone away, your sex life was great- he was always sweet and attentive but rough when he needed to be. It was a mirror of his personality. 

Though you’d never know the extent of what happened in those concrete walls- and you’d never actually say this to Spencer- you weren’t terribly upset about the changes that resulted in the man who came out on the other end.

This man was more primally need-driven, more calloused and hungry than the Spencer you knew before. His words became fewer while his actions spoke volumes. He devoured you like you were his last meal on earth every time his hands were on you, like he was afraid this time might be the last time you two would be together. 

 His hands were more strong and confident with his touches, his mouth and movements more sure. Gone were the hesitant questions asked by fingers skimmed lightly over skin, and here to stay were imprints left from sure grips, unafraid to show signs of possession. 

His hunger and drive, these new deeper and darker urges had also allowed you to come out of your sex-shell. You weren’t afraid to ask for things that you feared my have intimidated Spencer before. There wasn’t anything you couldn’t ask for and nothing he wouldn’t do to you, for you. Did it make sense to trust him more now that he’d gone to prison?

You knew his newfound desires could be a sense of shame for him, but you wouldn’t let them be. If anything, you wanted him to be the one he explored them with more than anything. 

You rose to the challenge and arrived on the other side victorious- usually in a sweaty heap of bliss.

******

Murder in your eyes, you watched him cross the room to fasten your wrist in the restraint dangling from the bedpost. 

Once he was satisfied you wouldn’t be able to move from your slightly spread eagle position, he rounded the corner back to the foot of the bed, leaning forward to place his palms on the soft duvet, just staring. 

“Comfortable?” he asked nonchalantly, like he was asking about the fucking weather. 

You tried to lunge forward, but the restraints at your wrists quickly snapped you back, reminding you of what a not great idea that was. The fabric stuffed in your mouth as a makeshift gag caught most of the profanities you spat at him and turned them into nonsense. 

He chuckled and shook his head, “Glad to hear it.”

You could feel the heat rising in your cheeks, the rise and fall of your chest quickening as you realized the gravity of the situation- you really couldn’t get out of these restraints. And you really weren’t sure if you wanted to. 

“Do you know why I like when you’re tied up?”

Attempting to keep your face as stoic as possible, you offered no reaction and turned your head away from him, opting to look at the artwork on the wall instead. 

“Because when you’re tied up, you can’t get in my way of taking what I want.” His voice was level and low, speaking matter of factly. 

At this statement, you couldn’t help but throw him an incredulous look and an over-the-top eye roll.  

“And you can’t stop me from fucking you and making you cum as many times as it takes to break you,” he continued. 

The idea of that kind of delirious pleasure instantly caused a pool of heat to flood your lower belly, spreading through your veins. 

He made his way around to the side of the bed, watching your face with a thoughtful expression. 

His hand caressed the side of your face, cupping your cheek before forming a strong grip on your jaw. You tried keeping your face turned away, but were quickly humbled by the sharp turn of his wrist. 

Your eyes searched his, trying to determine how much truth there was in his statements. 

“Do you remember your safe words?” he asked softly. 

You nod, flexing your wrists against their restraints, and mumble around the fabric in your mouth. “Yeyow ng wed” you sighed, feigning annoyance. 

“Good. And if your mouth is full?” he prompted. 

You rolled your eyes, crossing your fingers for ‘yellow’ and snapping them for ‘red’. 

He hummed and left his position at your side and returned to the foot of the bed, content with your answers.

He crawled up on the bed and pulled your legs towards opposite sides of the bed with enough room between them for him to sit on his knees. 

You watched as he brought a hitachi wand from behind his back and place it in your line of sight. Your eyes narrowed, trying to unravel his plan. 

Suddenly his words made a lot more sense- You can’t get in the way. Make you cum as many times as I want. 

His finger traced the line between your clit and quickly dampening entrance, teasing with the lightest amount of pressure.

Your hips involuntarily made almost indiscernible movements to increase the friction, but with each movement, he would stop his ministrations and scold you with a ‘tsk tsk’.

His thumb found its way to your clit, drawing slow languid circles through the thin fabric. You tried your best to appear unbothered, but the fabric in your mouth wasn’t doing enough to stifle the whimpers slipping from your throat. 

“I bet if I checked right now, you’d be a wet fucking mess. Is that right?”

Even though you’d been betrayed by your body, you opted to test your luck with shaking your head no. 

“Hmmmm, see, I don’t think that’s quite right.”

His hands found their way to the edges of your panties and dragged them down your hips, thighs, knees and eventually off your body. 

Suddenly feeling very exposed, you pressed your knees together in an attempt to salvage your remaining dignity- well, what was left, after being bound to a fucking bed. 

He shook his head and placed a hand on each knee and forced them apart, staring at the apex of your thighs. His tongue poked out and made a quick sweep of his lower lip.

You knew, you just fucking knew you were in fact a wet mess, despite your best efforts to resist being turned on by the nonchalant, condescending, cocky fucking asshole he was being. 

He half smiled and chuckled, looking back up at your face. 

“Oh baby, was I right.” With that, he took a single finger and collected evidence of your arousal and brought it up to your eye level as proof. 

Without breaking eye contact, he popped the finger into his mouth, making a show of swirling his tongue around it, hollowing his cheeks, and slowly pulling it out of his mouth with a slight moan. 

Your eyes narrowed, a mixture of humiliation and raw attraction driving a fire to ignite and course through your veins. 

“God, you taste so fucking good.” he said slowly, emphasizing each word. 

Quickly returning his hand between your thighs, he dipped inside for a moment with one finger before adding another. 

The intrusion was dreadfully delicious, your hips bucking in an attempt to ride his fingers. An involuntary moan escaped your throat, muffled by the gag. 

Spencer started lazily thrusting into you, curling his fingers to meet just the right spot every time. The slow pace was agonizing- your head falling back, begging the gods above for him to grant you some sort of mercy. 

 Your head fell forward with a drawn out groan. Every time you tried to created more speed or friction, he would slow down or stop completely. 

You let out a frustrated whine, knitting your brows together to convey your displeasure with the pace he’d chosen.

Without warning, Spencer ’s fingers started plunging into you at a brutal pace, eliciting a surprised squeak and heavy pants from your lips. 

The muscles in your core tightened, your wrists pulling against the restraints as the breathy pants became moans of anticipation. 

The slow burn in your core continued to build, rushing to beat him before he decided to stop again.Your walls began convulsing around his fingers, indicating your impending orgasm.

Then, just as quickly as his fingers were there, they weren’t. Your eyes shot open, immediately searching for his. 

“Oh, did you think I was going to let you cum that easily?”

If looks could kill, he’d be one dead motherfucker. 

“I don’t think you deserve to cum yet, baby. I don’t think you want it bad enough”

Spencer’s other hand came to rest just above your mound, applying pressure on your lower belly while his thumb started circling your clit once more.

Between the deep pressure, stimulation on your clit and his relentless fingers fucking you blind, you were about to explode. Silent sobs left your chest, no air in your lungs made for a hard time breathing.

“I want to hear you beg me to fuck you” he said, his voice low and dark.

Reaching up, he removed the fabric from your mouth, tossing it to the side. 

“Beg.” 

“Fuck you,” you spat. Knuckle deep or not, there was no way you were giving in to him.

Arching an eyebrow he shook his head, reaching to his side, pulling something white into the space between his knees.

Your eyes widened at the hitachi wand in front of him, then darted to his face in an attempt to find any indication of his intention.

He climbed off the bed to remove his pajama pants. From your compromised position you had the perfect eye line to watch his dick strain against the waistband of his pants before springing free. 

Your bottom lip found itself between your teeth as a means of controlling the drool pooling in your mouth. Spencer’s laugh drew your eyes up his body until your eyes met. 

Pumping his fist a few times over his already hard cock, he climbed back onto the bed and towards you, gathering some of your wetness with the tip of his cock before positioning himself to enter you. 

Before he moved, a wicked grin flashed across his face as he reached for the wand and turned it on to its first setting, pressing it gently to the top of the hood of your clit. The introduction of the direct stimulation on your clit made every muscle in your body tense, white hot adrenaline coursing through your veins.

His thumb guided him to realign with your entrance, and he wasted no time with teasing. He quickly sheathed himself inside of you, now pressing the wand’s vibrations head deeper into your folds. 

God you wanted to fucking scream, but all that came out was a whorish moan. Your hands instinctively made a move to remove the source of the overstimulation, but were quickly reminded that wouldn’t be possible by the strain against your wrists. 

Your walls tightened around him, encouraging him to bottom out with each thrust. His aggression and moans mixed with curses let you know he was thoroughly enjoying himself. 

“Should I let you cum too?” 

His relentless thrusts did not show signs of slowing, and his clenched jaw and flared nostrils made him look, well... criminal. 

A quick flick of his wrist caused the wand to hit a sweet spot- eliciting a squeal. He pressed the buzzing head harder against the spot, wiggling it ever so slightly. Your hands formed fists as your head thrashed to the side, craning your neck- your breath hitched and came in short, shallow breaths as your body prepared to be pushed over the edge into bliss. 

That was, until Spencer removed the wand from its promising position, tossing it onto the bed beside your leg. The sound of buzzing against the sheets was dull in the background as your head swam at the loss.

In a swift motion, his arms hooked under your knees and pulled your bottom closer to the edge of the bed as far as your wrist restraints would let you. A surprised squeak left your lips as his hands positioned your ankles by his ears. 

This new position allowed him deeper access, hitting your cervix with each thrust. This new sensation caused your head to fall back against the pillow and eyes to squeeze shut. 

Quickly grabbing the wand from beside him, he matched the movement of the wand with the patterns of his thrusts, making it difficult to tell where the pleasure started and ended.

“Please please please I want to so bad,” you begged, “Oh my god, please!”

“Hmmm, want to or need to?” he asked quickly, chasing his own orgasm.  

“FUCK, need! I need to! Please I need to cum, please Spencer!”

“Cum.” It was one word, but enough to be your undoing. 

Your walls clenched around him as your hips buckled against the head of the wand. 

Your heels dug into his shoulders beneath you, arching your back off the sheets as he buried himself deeper into you. 

Air burned your lungs as they tried to force enough oxygen in between pants, a moan ripping the rest of the air from your chest. The waves crashed into you, over and over making up for lost time. 

Fire raced through your veins, curling your toes and causing your hands to form shaking fists in their tethered positions. You cried out senselessly for him to stop. 

“Good girl,” he cooed. “One more.”

You shook your head vigorously, unable to even able to wrap your head around cumming again.

“Yes,” he said. There was no room or invitation for argument. 

Voiceless pants left your throat, your mouth dry from gasping for air.

Your eyes begged Spencer to give you just a moment to breathe, which he promptly ignored. 

Setting the wand to its next highest setting, Spencer’s thrusts found a faster pace. 

His name came out between mangled moans and broken sobs. 

“Cum for me baby, come on,” he forced out between clenched teeth. You knew he had to be close too.

Your second orgasm tacked on to the tail end of the first and possessed your body with more power than you thought possible. The vibrations racked through your body leaving flames in its wake until you couldn’t register your body as your own anymore.

The feeling of Spencer throbbing inside of you, emptying himself only added to the pleasure, your walls continuing to milk him. 

Involuntary sobs escaped your lips as you came down, Spencer’s thrusts slowing, the wand returned to its lowest setting-allowing you to ride the rest of your wave down to planet Earth. 

Watching your chest heave, gasping for more air, he removed the wand from your clit and slowly withdrew himself from you.

Sweat glistened on your forehead, your cheeks flushed and hair disheveled, now dripping a mixture of your releases.  

“God you’re so fucking beautiful” he murmured, kissing the inside of your calf before gently removing your ankles from his shoulders and placing them on the bed. 

After a few moments, an overwhelming wave of emotion crashed over your body causing tears to spring to your eyes. Your lip quivered, but you bit it between your teeth in an attempt to collect yourself. 

“Shh shh shh,” he said, quickly undoing the restraints at your wrists and pulling a blanket from the foot of the bed around you. He sat on the bed and pulled you into his chest, his legs around your body with your legs thrown over one of his, gently rocking the both of you. 

“You did so good, baby. So good,” he said kissing the top of your head. 

You didn’t have any witty or snarky remarks for him. The hot tears slid down your cheeks as you pulled the edges of the blanket tighter around your body. 

His hand rubbed big, soothing circles into your back while he tucked your head under his chin. 

You pushed the blanket off your shoulders, needing to be closer to him than you currently were. He watched you turn and straddle his waist, wrapping your legs around his torso and your arms around his neck- grabbing your opposite elbows to bury your face in his neck. 

He let you settle before wrapping his arms around your back, hugging you closer to his chest. 

“I’m so proud of you,” he said matter of factly between dropping kisses on the top of your head. 

You hummed in response, too tired for real words. 

He held you for a few more minutes, rubbing your back with small circles and offering praise. 

“Do you want to take a now bath, baby?”

You grumbled a sound of protest into his neck and felt his body shake with a laugh. 

You always wanted to take a bath, baths with Spencer were your favorite thing. But at this moment you were blissfully content and unwilling to move. 

He pulled you two apart for a moment to look at your face. Brushing a few strands of hair behind your ear, he inspected your face for any residual tears.

 Your eyes met his and found a softness in his eyes you didn’t think was possible from the man who had just teased, edged and fucked you so thoroughly. 

“Five more minutes,” he conceded, kissing your forehead. 

You nodded and nestled back into your spot, pressing your lips into the side of his neck.

———

Tell me all about it!

#criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #Spencer reid #Spencer Reid imagine #Spencer Reid smut #Spencer Reid x reader #spencer reid x you #criminal minds smut #Spencer Reid x fem! reader #my writing

[sirowsky]

The Flowers Always Know

Description: When a mad scientist uses you as an experiment while you’re on holiday, the Heroics only just manage to save you. And in your recovery you become very close to the leader of the group. (Slow burn)

Warnings: Language

Link to Masterlist

Comment: Hint to what the title is all about, and plenty of Máma Moreno.

Chapter 6

  The house was a mess, to say the least. You had left in a hurry that evening, after things had taken a very sharp turn towards very bad, shortly after your dinner. You’d been glad that you had only eaten a light pea soup, when it came back up again some ten minutes later. You’d only just made it to the bathroom, but after the food had been coughed up, a large amount of fresh blood had followed, and you knew you were in trouble.   Why you hadn’t called for that ambulance was anyone’s guess, but then, you had never liked being a bother, and you had been perfectly capable of walking out to the cab.    It was just that, in the twenty minutes that the drive had taken, you’d gotten significantly worse. Your whole body had started hurting, you’d begun bleeding from the nose and ears, and just as you got to the hospital, you had begun to get spasms and cramps in your spine and legs.   When you staggered into that emergency-room, you did it truly convinced that you’d leave it in a coffin.

  You shuddered slightly with the memory, as you walked through the house, opening all the blinds and pulling all of the curtains back again. It was already late, and thus dark outside, but you wanted to wake up to a house that bathed in sunlight in the morning.   The kitchen was probably the worst, in terms of the amount of cleaning that would need to be done. The remnants of your cooking that evening where still on the counter and in the dishes, and the amount of mold that was growing in there was somewhat disturbing.   You couldn’t leave that for the morning, you’d lose every ounce of appetite waking up to that crap. So, you set about throwing away everything that had been left out on the counters and in the sink, and quickly scrubbed all the open surfaces clean, before handwashing some of the glasses, plates, mugs and cutlery, that had gotten dusty even sitting in the cabinets, in the four months you’d been gone.   Once the kitchen felt usable again, you went to the bathroom to check what state that was in. It wasn’t too bad. You flushed all the pipes and let the water run in the sink and the shower for a good half-hour to clean them out, and begin to work away the smell of stagnated water. The toilet needed a decent scrub too, but it could wait until morning.   It was after midnight when you’d finally changed the sheaths in the bed and settled in for the night.

  A sharp rapping on your door woke you after what seemed like mere seconds. But the sun was up, so you looked at your wrist-watch – 06:15 – and sighed. Who the fuck would be there at that hour?   Grumbling into your pillow, you turned over and decided that whoever it was would have to come back at a more decent hour.

  “Come on now, mujer, I don’t have all day.”

  You physically jumped at the sound of Anita Moreno raising her voice behind your front door. She wasn’t shouting, just applying a good amount of force to her voice. Just enough to make you feel a size smaller than usual.   You scrambled out of bed and grabbed a robe which you put on whilst walking towards the door. You had no idea what you looked like, but you hoped there was an air of scarecrow to you. You’d found her intriguing when you first met her the day before, but she was little more than a damned annoyance right now. You were not a morning person, and especially not today when your body was tired and sore from the tests.

  “I’m not gonna ask if you know what time it is, because you obviously do, and you obviously don’t care, so don’t beat around the bush and just tell me what the hell you want so I can go back to bed and finish waking up.”

  “You always this cheerful in the morning?”

  “Yep.”

  “I’ll be sure to let Marcus know.”

  “What does my morning mood have to do with Marcus?”

  “Nothing. Yet…”

  What? No, no, don’t let her distract you, idiot.

  “What do you want, Mrs. Moreno?”

  “Tell me, what kind of flowers do you like?”

  Nope. You’re not doing this, whatever it is, you’re not doing it at 6 fucking 15 in the morning.

  “Have a nice day, Mrs. Moreno.”

  As you went to close the door, she simply barged right in, straight past you, and completely unbothered walked into your kitchen while you scrambled after her, shocked and abruptly furious.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!”

  “Don’t you cuss at me, mujer.”

  “If you want me to treat you politely, then don’t fucking barge into my house uninvited.”

  “Calm down, I’m not staying for breakfast. I just want you to answer a few questions.”

  Unbelievable.

  “You’ve got some nerve.”

  “I’m old, mujer, I don’t have time for intermissions. Now, tell me, what kind of flowers do you like?”

  You were fuming, but this woman was a super. She wasn’t leaving until she decided to leave. So, you took a breath.

  “Dahlias.”

  “Interesting choice. Why?”

  “What does it matter? What do you want from me?”

  “Do you know the origin of Dahlias?”

  “Why? Am I to expect a pop-quiz banging on my door tomorrow?”

  “The Dahlia came from my ancestors, the Aztecs, they called it The War Flower. Nowadays, it’s known as the King of summer flowers, because of its wide range of shapes, sizes and colours. It has something of a demanding presence, you never walk past a Dahlia without seeing it. And yet, it doesn’t ask you for much.”

  “Do you have a point, or is this becoming a lecture on the mythology of flora? Because I will go back to bed and ignore you until you leave.”

  “It’s an observation. What’s your opinion on supers?”

  “Are you serious? Ugh, forget it, of course you are. Fine. I have nothing against them, but I don’t adore or idolize them. They’re flawed just like the rest of us.”

  “What’s Marcus’ flaws?”

  “He’s… too kind for his own good sometimes. He let’s people walk all over him if he thinks that it’ll keep the peace. And he… tries to carry the whole world by himself if you let him.”

  She smiled.

  “Good. You’re hired. I expect you at Heroics HQ at 7 am tomorrow morning.”

  …what THE FUCK…?!

  She walked back towards the door, while you stood dumbstruck just staring after her. She had reached the door by the time you unfroze and ran out to the hallway.

  “Wait, what the hell are you talking about? Hired for what? I didn’t ask you for a job.”

  “No, you didn’t. But you need one, and I’ve got one. Take it or leave it, if you’re not there by 7, I’ll know what you chose.”

  You stood in the door, watching her disappear into a black SUV, and drive off.

  Did that actually just happen? It must have, there was no way in hell you’d ever even dream something like that. You shook your head, and decided that there was no point in going back to bed now, your head was buzzing, so you might as well have breakfast and get the cleaning going.   As you went to the bathroom you caught your reflection in the mirror, and smiled to yourself. There was definitely an air of scarecrow.   You turned the TV on while you made tea, and tried not to think about what had just transpired in your kitchen.   You had always loved coffee before, never started the day without it ever since you were 16. But your body seemed to have become oversensitive to it after your cellular breakdown. You’d had your first cup about a month ago, and it had really done a number on you. You’d been hyperactive for hours with uncontrollable twitches and insistent trembling in your hands.   You’d given it a second try a week later, but even just half of a small cup had resulted in the same outcome, so you had accepted that your coffee-days were over. You were actually really starting to like tea, especially the spicier types.

  The news showed a highlight reel from the Heroics latest outing, and you found yourself glancing at the footage, looking for a glimpse of Marcus. You saw him flash by as he fought someone, or something, you weren’t sure, and then again when the fighting was over. He looked confident and strong when he was out there. When he had an enemy in front of him, and a clear task.   It was enticing to watch. Oh, who were you kidding – it was fucking hot!   You shook your head and turned the TV off as you finished your breakfast. There was a lot to do to get the house in order, and you had a plan to get it all done. The problem was that a certain uninvited guest kept popping into your head, distracting you with thoughts about flowers and what the hell that job was all about?   So, by lunchtime, you weren’t anywhere close to where you’d hoped to be. You’d managed to wipe down all the surfaces where dust accumulated, and the vacuuming was done. But you’d hoped to have washed the floors and beaten the carpets and cleaned the refrigerator and freezer by then. 

  Oh, well. Rome and all that. 

  You decided to have pizza for lunch and called in an order.   But later, as you were eating said pizza, you had something of a lightning moment. You didn’t need to sit there and just fidget and wonder and worry about what you were gonna do tomorrow. You could just go back to HQ and talk to Marcus. He’d only be happy to see you, he’d said as much when you went to find him to say goodbye.   It hadn’t been a very long exchange, since you’d been eager to get going, knowing there’d be things you’d have to do before going to bed. But he had said that he’d miss you and that you’d always be welcome to visit them.   So, why not? If anyone could tell you what Máma Moreno was up to, it’d be her son.

Authors’ Note: I love criticism, don’t be shy to let me know if there’s anything you like/don’t like/have questions about.

@blueeyesatnight​ 

@farfromjustordinary​

#marcus moreno #marcus moreno x reader #marcus moreno fic #we can be heroes #we can be heroes fic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters

[sugar-petals]

♡ Levi Dating A Tall Girl

warnings ⚠️  some innuendo, possessiveness, jealousy, skinship

↳ NOTE. short captain ftw 

You don’t fall backwards the first time he hands you a big ass gun to practice target shooting. Finally someone who doesn’t act like a wobbly fool. Long legs. Better shooting stances. No questions asked. Levi likes that.

You can get the emergency supply tea box from the top shelf. He is jealous, this is cheesy, but still. Levi likes that.

You are hard to overlook. For pragmatic reasons since he lives in sheer chaos and needs to collect his squad from the most unholy places, Levi likes that.

But also... he has to confess he finds it fascinating to see you walk and talk. So, Levi likes that.

You can clean the ceiling. For obvious reasons: Levi likes that.

Paintjobs are easy to you. Levi likes that.

You can carry more weapons on you. Knife here, knife there, knives everywhere. Levi likes that.

Without even knowing or trying, you have a natural bold appearance. People don’t start trouble. The squad is peaceful and diligent in your presence. Him, too. He doesn’t say it, but he admits to himself that he feels protected. Levi likes that. A lot.

It might be outdated in the Survey Corps, but Levi enjoys calling you Madam. You really look like one in your Sunday outfit, just so you know. The height difference makes anyone buy into it. So, you go by „Ma’am“ wherever you go, knowing who addressed you that way first because he respects you. Levi likes that.

The advanced Trojan horse: You can smuggle him almost anywhere when you wear a dress. Levi is kinda going crazy with your legs being so up close though. My, my. What an interesting undercover mission. Levi likes that. You, too. Wink wink nudge nudge.

When cooking, you fool around planting your underboob on Levi’s head while the oven does its thing. He’s cursing a bunch of things. But he can’t deny you’re funny and he really fits in that spot, too. Levi likes that.

Your height means more to scrub in the shower. Levi does not shy away from grabbing a sponge for the ladies as we know. Only select people he will foam up personally, so, this is a knighting. If you can shave him, he can shampoo you, it’s tit for tat. A very cleanly exchange. Levi likes that.

In the comfort of your room, not in his, nor his office or elsewhere, really when nobody is watching — Levi sits on your lap. Plenty of space, so. He fits snugly right there. Levi likes that.

You look great when you ride a horse and handle horses well in general. You can get on there in two seconds without delay. Speed is key. Levi likes that.

And I mean.

What’s not to like, anyway? Levi’s captain crush on you equals your height in terms of intensity.

Technically, you, like all other people, qualify as a brat. A tall, noodly brat. But you’re nice to him and vice versa: Don’t deliberately nor accidentally get on his nerves. So the most he’ll do is grumble at you where others would get a speech. If you make a mistake with the equipment, he won’t let it slide for obvious survival-related reasons, but his tone is noticeably gentler, a crucial tinge.

The whole squad — especially the rowdy members who tease him the most ironically — spirals into envy, but doesn’t say anything lest they want Levi’s frown and explanation on how they were messing around while you worked. The guy’s proud of it and wants to deservedly hype your ethic to be honest.

So let us just note that special fondness he has and let it sink in.

Under the guise of “establishing order”, Levi has an excuse to make his schtick for you heard: Indirectly.

Levi scolds anyone calling you bigfoot or titan girl. His supposed reason: They didn’t clean well. In reality, he’s mad they pick on you but he can’t say it.

The captain is concerned that people don’t ruin your day and he’ll do something about it. That’s pretty damn astounding. Levi hardly bothers getting into other people’s mood management and personal things.

Armin thinks it’s adorable when Levi casually walks between you and Hanji, likely headed somewhere to buy conveniences because Sasha is dying to get food. Connie calls it the ‘Levi Sammich’ and laughs his ass off every. Single. Time.

Mad titan scientist she is, Hanji’s latest experiment involves a two-person battle maneuver where you have to carry Levi piggyback. He initially declines, but it looks adorable indeed, actually. You don’t really have to put efforts into holding him in place awkwardly, his legs are strong. So much about two-person maneuvers, the two of you fight well as a duo, your bodies complement each other. Best believe the same feat applies to what happens between four bedposts.

In more casual settings, he dons his usual scowl when he stands next to you, but he thinks it's sexy that you look at his shoulders from above. You can see the weight on them.

He wishes he had your shoulders. But then again, he wouldn’t want to change bodies at the end of the day, as surprising as it sounds. Levi knows he needs to be a compact little unit to do what he does.

A lot of people taunt you as a couple, but after some time of always reacting with anger right away, he becomes cooler about his self-worth. Levi realizes — man, he knows who he is.

Should you ever faint, he can catch you with ease. Levi Ackerman is the last guy to get crushed by his gf, that we all know. He’s not afraid of your body or your weight. No cowardice, no shame, no questions asked.

And as we know. He got a thing with your legs, don’t even try. Legs legs legs leggy legs, that’s all there is on Levi’s brain when you don’t wear a uniform but skirts during leisure time. He tries to block out that thought, unsuccessfully.

Titans he can go without, but you are his irreplaceable sexy goddess you know. Levi admires you.

Whenever you hit your hip or limbs at an awkwardly set-up table, Levi will position it elsewhere immediately. Low door frames he can’t do anything against, but he will tug at your sleeve twice every time you enter a room while walking behind you so you remember to stay alert. It’s... really cute how he’s tugging at you from below. I need a moment.

In the mornings, an even cuter thing happens: When his legs are too short to reach the ground while he’s sitting on an improvised barber chair of yours. You’re cutting his neck hair while he’s pouty about his tininess. You do your best to organize a smaller chair with Armin’s help later on.

But your height difference also causes some upheaval at the start or the relationship and brings up some deeper wounds.

You can easily help tie Eren’s man bun way up there and that makes Levi extra jealous. In fact, he feels like imploding to the point of creating a black hole. Even Mikasa is fine with it because it’s all on a friendly basis with no thought behind it. Like it’s just helping Eren get his hair under control for squad practice. But Levi sees red:

Out of sheer Ackerspite, he will grow out the top part of his undercut and ask you to tie up his hair, too. This guy is on fire. Like hello, he wants your hands in his hair like that as well!

He orders Mikasa to take care of Eren’s “brat mop on his head” every morning “for the sake of the cleanly survey corps dress code” without exception. Eren is totally confused, Mikasa likes the idea, and you are shocked.

Damn, this guy doesn’t play.

He wants you to stroke and tie only his sacred hair if he’s entirely honest with himself. Best time of the day for him. Levi ends up looking like your smol samurai bodyguard with his new hairstyle. You could fancy that in the long run.

And... you know he is insecure. You always know. And, if you’re honest yourself, are glad to have permission to give him such deliberate affection because he values it so much.

Levi hardly builds any romantic bonds and if he does, he easily feels left out because the truth is, he’s needier than the average person. It’s difficult if there are only few people close enough for that, since Levi needs a lot.

Eren is no viable competition, but you decide you gotta make that clear to the touch-starved little guy. Since... In reality, the man bun discussion is not about Levi being petty just because. It’s about wanting to have that connection with you. And: Your attention. Levi doesn’t look like it, but he needs it. A metric ton.

In fact, Levi is the biggest love-deprived attention whore on the entire island and that’s a hard fact.

So, what to do about it. First: Clean slate needed, because you’re a bit annoyed, too.

You sit down for dinner and talk to Levi about how you are not interested in stealing Eren from Mikasa, nor do you think Levi looks ugly or invisible compared to Eren because of the height. You want to be a helpful squad member and he has no business imposing his brat hair rules to make himself exclusive out of fear, as if you would jump Eren as soon as he doesn’t look. And that he should say when he’s envious or wants something, point-blank. You’re very willing to give him all the attention to the moon and back alright.

Levi, grumpy at himself, apologizes for wanting to control the situation instead of saying that he wishes for time with you and makes tea.

He’s feeling mighty called out but owns up to all of this having been a knee-jerk response. Guy’s hard on himself, but that’s how he adapts his behavior.

The whole truth is, he knows that Eren is a lot easier to be around while he, Levi, is a complicated guy that is arguably hard to approach in random matters, even for loved ones.

He beats himself up for that and wants to be more emotionally and physically accessible to you so you can shower your affections on him the way you want to. That’s what it really boils down to.

That means fishing for old parts of his youth he didn’t allow. Levi wants to challenge himself to be more open to receiving. He knows he keeps his appeal on lock and it’s time to change that because he sees that you enjoy such closeness. Just the way he does, but secretly.

He also says to you that you can always touch him the way you desire after work.

Levi sees how you like being hands-on and how you do it, and makes it firm that you don’t have to walk on eggshells, hold back, or ask like it’s a delicate matter.

Levi sees relationships in simple terms: Since you’re together, of course you can touch him. It’s part of the whole thing by default to him and he even assumed you took it for granted like there’s telepathy going on.

In fact, brace yourself: For the lack of a better word, it’s even his expectation that this happens. Not like an obligation but as in, that you take opportunities is a given to him, he anticipates it.

You reply that it’s good he communicates this, it’s got to be outspoken. His views on how this whole thing goes has to be out in the open. It gives you a lot more clarity on his boundaries, too.

Before another bout of jealousy unearths more taken-for-granted things, Levi realizes he has to make up his mind that he has to talk about his limits.

So, he also says he entrusts it to you to find the very right moments for skinship.

That entails kissing and pinning and sitting close to another. And sex. Which is pretty damn enjoyable with him, the real fucking deal. So steamy. My God.

And he makes it clear he does his paperwork fast and you can always ask, he’s never too busy to postpone things entirely. He’d rather die the next day after winding in the sheets than handling paper. Levi can’t sleep anyways so it gets his mind off. It’s always welcome and he tells you not to be hesitant.

Levi is the type to absolutely pick up the cues right away — and proceed to really make out against a wall really intensely — so you’re under no obligation to wave a giant red cloth in front of him like he’s a Spanish bull or whatever. He gets the hints and goes along. Not to worry.

You also ask Levi what he thinks about you initiating romantic things and he shrugs — „Do what you want.“

The brand of romance Levi is out for you can already guess anyways. Tea and more tea.

For now, that’s where you agree to “leave it at that” after he thanks you for being straightforward.

You launch your first affections before bedtime. He lets you sleep in his bed, damn right. You really have to be a priority to be able to reside there, I’m telling you. Levi rests with one eye open and in his harness, you have all the blanket for yourself to cuddle up in. That won’t stop you from peppering his face with a few very deliberately placed smooches.

Levi can’t deny he’s a sucker for getting forehead kisses. He drops his hygiene protocol just for that. Safe to say his man bun jealousy from earlier that day cools off in no time. Not to say it shatters completely when you go for the gold that is his pretty little mouth. He’s so overwhelmed emotionally, he almost cries. Levi never thought someone would do this with him.

You repeat the same thing next day, behind the barracks after sunset. Levi holds you real tight. He’s so addictive in the best way. Going by how breathless it all winds up to be, he doesn’t want the kisses to end.

What your height is handy for here? He can gaze up to the night sky when he locks lips with you. Levi, as we know, likes seeing the moon and training his neck flexibility anyways. But that’s not the purpose behind why he’s so down to kiss you so passionately, rest assured.

If he tiptoes a little, he can park his pretty face under your chin after you both ran out of air. Levi’s drug... your long neck. He thinks it smells so good.

He murmurs in response, but he actually wants to be gently cooed at and petted when he rests there. Just a little. He’s humming. Ah, so satisfying. Guess you aced the „Do what you want“ part. You’ll do this with him Lord knows for how many times.

Levi cuddles up at your chest later. Plenty of space for him, and he loves how your voice resounds from there.

Oh— by the way. Since Hanji installed one between the two apple trees outside: It’s always nice to sleep in a hammock with a tall girl. The fabric doesn’t fold him in, he can watch the stars with you off duty. You give him a reason to be content, and that’s the sweetest thing. Levi’s all in love, he’s really grateful. You go, Ma’am.

— more levi writings: sub!levi hc | levi’s happy end/tea shop hc

#levi hc #levi #levi ackerman #levi x reader #snk hc #snk imagine #levi headcanon #levi imagine #levi scenario #snk #aot #attack on titan #levi fluff #levi smut #shingeki no kyojin

[commentaryvorg]

Digimon Data Squad Dub Comparison Episode 6 - The Ultimate Team No More?

This is a companion to my commentary on the original Japanese Digimon Savers! Reading my commentary on the original version of this episode (which you can find here) is recommended before reading this dub comparison.

Original name ~ Dubbed name

Masaru Daimon ~ Marcus Damon

Yoshino Fujieda ~ Yoshino “Yoshi” Fujieda

Tohma H. Norstein ~ Thomas H. Norstein

Sayuri Daimon ~ Sarah Damon

Chika Daimon ~ Kristy Damon

Captain Rentarou Satsuma ~ Commander Richard Sampson

Katsumata ~ Boomer

[Since several characters share the same name between the original and the dub, quotes from the dub will always be in italics, while quotes from the original will not, in order to distinguish them.]

Yoshi: “But does he wait? Of course not! Not Mister Reckless!”

Yoshi has some added exasperation at Marcus in the dub and I approve.

Masaru:  “Aw, he’s annoyed at himself.”

Agumon:  “Yeah, he’s annoyed.”

~~~~~

Marcus: “What’s wrong, ya jealous?”

Agumon: “Sorry, but no autographs!”

how does Agumon know what an autograph is

Agumon:  “As if any Digimon could beat us when we’re fighting together!”

Masaru:  “Yeah! Because we’re the strongest combination ever!”

Agumon:  “Ever!”

~~~~~

Agumon: “We’ll just win again, of course! There’s no Digimon that can beat the ultimate team!”

Marcus: “Yeah! Agumon and I are the strongest team ever!”

Agumon: “Yeah!”

The original brought in Masaru and Agumon calling themselves the strongest combination ever kind of transparently for the purpose of this episode. However, because Marcus and Agumon have already called themselves “the ultimate team” before in the dub, this works better and doesn’t seem quite so obvious.

Dub-Agumon doesn’t have that quirk original-Agumon has of echoing the last word or so – or maybe a whole sentence as in the previous quote – of Masaru’s lines for emphasis. Not necessarily a bad thing, just that the dub Agumon has different quirks.

Lalamon:  “This is the worst…”

Yoshino:  “That’s my line.”

~~~~~

Lalamon: “Well, at least they don’t lack confidence.”

Yoshi: “No, they just lack common sense.”

Lalamon doesn’t get to steal Yoshi’s catchphrase, but instead she and Yoshi do some very warranted snarking.

Agumon: “Sarah, you’re a genius chef! Yum!”

Marcus: “Hey! How many times do I have to tell you not to call my mom by her first name!”

In the dub of the earlier episode where original-Agumon started doing this, dub-Agumon actually didn’t happen to use Sarah’s name, so this is the first time he’s done so onscreen. Still, I suppose Marcus’s line implies he’s done it multiple times before now, so this is the dub catching up by implying it’s been happening for a while even if we haven’t seen it.

Agumon:  “But Sayuri is Sayuri. Chika is Chika. And Aniki is Aniki.”

Masaru:  “That’s not what I mean!”

~~~~~

Agumon: “Kristy is Kristy, Sarah is Sarah, and Boss is Boss.”

Marcus: “‘Boss’ is not my name!”

Agumon: “Oh. Well, still.”

Instead of Masaru failing to articulate why it’s weird for his friend to call his mom by her first name, Marcus shifts to an entirely different argument which almost might be implying he doesn’t really want Agumon to call him Boss? That could be considered relevant to this episode, but it’s almost certainly not deliberate.

Masaru:  “It’s manners for the follower to hold back!”

Agumon:  “Look who’s talking! Giving things to the follower shows off an aniki’s generosity!”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Whatever happened to me being the boss here?”

Agumon: “Consider this an employee profit-sharing program.”

????? Agumon how on earth do you know what one of those is. I don’t even know what one of those is. Also, way to make this sound 1000% like a small business even though that never made any amount of sense.

This is basically making the same point as the original that Agumon feels Marcus ought to let him have the last fried egg as part of a boss’s generosity, but man does that get kinda lost in the ridiculous small-business joke.

Sayuri:  “Oh my, they really know what they’re talking about…”

Chika:  “That’s because they saw it on TV yesterday.”

Sayuri:  “Still, it’s amazing that they’re studying while watching TV.”

~~~~~

Sarah:  “Oh boy. Well, dinner just got a lot more interesting.”

Kristy: “Why do boys always have to act like boys?”

Sarah: “Oh, believe me, Kristy, one day you’ll be glad they do.”

The original exchange between Sayuri and Chika here was very strange – I think the subbers didn’t quite get what was meant to be going on there, because their take on it doesn’t really make sense – so the dub changing it to something else is quite reasonable. But Sarah being heteronormative at her daughter was really not what they needed to change this to.

(Is this implying that Sarah was/is into guys who are this kind of ridiculous idiot? Actually, uh, knowing about the kind of person Marcus’s dad is, that’d make… a good bit of sense. Oh dear.)

There’s some similar bickering about snoring here, but then also, still in the background:

Marcus: “That’s it! You’re fired!”

Agumon: “You don’t even pay me!”

Can we not with the small business jokes! It makes this whole thing so difficult to take seriously as a meaningful bond between fighting partners, which is kind of what this whole episode is meant to be focusing on. Also, as usual, how does Agumon even know that an “employee” is supposed to get paid; his entire experience with the word should be limited to what he is to Marcus. And Marcus saying “you’re fired” really should be taken as him officially breaking off their partnership, but this isn’t the part where that happens yet. (Though honestly I’m glad that when we do, we won’t be doing the small business jokes there.)

Agumon:  “Well, I’m not gonna bail you out any more, Aniki! If I wasn’t there for you today, you would’ve been screwed!”

Masaru:  “What?! Don’t be so damn egotistical! You can’t even evolve without my Digisoul!”

~~~~~

Agumon: “Fine, don’t count on me to bail you out any more! Face it, you’d be totally lost without me!”

Marcus: “What?! Gimme a break! Without me you couldn’t Digivolve! Without me, this team would be nothing!”

I’m quoting this whole thing even though it’s basically the same as in the original, because this exchange is very important to the entire episode and I’m really glad the dub kept it intact. Boy could they have ruined the whole episode if they messed up this part, but they didn’t.

(I shouldn’t have to bring this up like it’s remotely remarkable, but after the fire-punching fiasco in episode 3, apparently it is.)

Marcus’s “without me this team would be nothing” is a bit harsher and more jerkish than originally, though that’s probably partly because the dub had more lip-flap to fill. It’s making Marcus more of a jerk like usual, but at least in this instance, Masaru being something of a jerk originally was actually the point, so this doesn’t stick out as much as it does sometimes.

The noises Agumon initially makes in reaction to Marcus’s comment here are a lot angrier in the dub, whereas originally it was more like upset floundering at the realisation that that’s true, before he snapped.

Agumon:  “Damn it! I can’t do this any more! I’m done being your follower!”

Masaru:  “Oh yeah, well, I’m out too! We’re not Aniki and follower any more!”

~~~~~

Agumon: “That’s it! I can’t take this! I don’t want you to be my boss!”

Marcus: “That’s just fine by me! I don’t wanna be your boss, either!”

At least the dubbers had the sense to deliberately avoid using the word “employee” here and keep the small-business nonsense out of the part that really matters.

Tohma:  “You’re arguing over something so trivial.”

Masaru:  “It’s not my fault!”

~~~~~

Thomas: “You’re being immature, even for you.”

Marcus: “Y-Y-*You’re* immature!”

The joke of Marcus proving how immature he is means that instead he’s snapping at Thomas, somewhat shifting away from the issue with Agumon. Meanwhile, Masaru was more subtly and relevantly showing his immaturity by trying to insist that their argument is totally all Agumon’s fault and not even slightly his.

We also lose the interesting implications of Tohma thinking this whole argument is over something trivial.

Masaru:  “Fine! I’m more than enough for one or two Digimon!”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Hah. It’ll probably be *easier* without you, just you wait and see!”

Marcus’s extra jab about it being easier without Agumon shifts this more into an insistence that Agumon was somehow holding him back, rather than focusing on the more relevant point that he simply wants to feel like he can do this without help from anyone.

Agumon:  “We’ll see about that, Aniki!”

~~~~

Agumon: “Hmph. Good luck, ‘cause you’re gonna need it!”

By wishing Marcus good luck, even if he means it as an insult, dub-Agumon is implying somewhat more of a sentiment of at least not wanting Marcus to get himself hurt doing this, which original-Agumon didn’t realise until later.

(Dub-Agumon doesn’t happen to call him Boss in this line, but he did so in an earlier line, so he is still doing that in the dub, too.)

The point I made in the original post about how these two scenes feel like one connected scene that ends on the note of Masaru going off to prove himself rather than them falling out doesn’t quite apply as much in the dub. Partly it’s because the dub doesn’t have the opening here, which isn’t its fault, but it also uses different BGM in each scene.

Elecmon:  “So many toys to play with!” [evil chuckling]

I’m sure you can tell without me quoting the van driver’s line that this is not Elecmon echoing anything that any human said at all. Apparently it’s coming to the human world just because it genuinely personally likes messing with electronic devices. That is not how this is supposed to work, at all. Not even in the dub’s slightly different version of things!

Masaru:  “Now there’ll be peace once again in the Daimon family.”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Finally I have some peace now that Agumon’s not around.”

Marcus not mentioning his family makes this less about the petty eating and snoring concerns that the argument started off about. But this still does very much carry the tone of him trying to insist to himself that he’s totally happier this way when he very obviously isn’t.

Masaru:  “I’ll do it all by myself.”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Soon he’ll see! I don’t need *him* around!”

This, though, I don’t really like. The point was never specifically about Masaru proving anything to Agumon, and it wasn’t even specifically about the fact that he needs Agumon in particular. Masaru just wanted to prove, to himself, that he could do this (whatever “this” was) by himself.

Marcus’s intonation here is also quite overly-moody, making this come across a lot more like just a temporary tantrum rather than that this is connected to something that runs deep.

The dub decides to put a commercial break after this scene rather than after the Elecmon scene where the original opening went, even though this scene is short enough that they could probably have just as easily put it before it. I… think I like that choice? The Elecmon scene was always a bit unnecessary, so lingering more closely on the note of Marcus’s moodiness feels better. (Though it specifically lingers on that dub-changed line that I don’t like much, so, eh.)

That said, this next set of scenes cutting between Masaru out on his own stewing in his frustration and the DATS members trying to talk to Agumon in his Digivice does feel like it’s supposed to be one long connected thing in the original. So I dunno.

Megumi: “Look, it’s your favourite! A cheeseburger wrapped in another cheeseburger! With a cheeseburger for dessert!”

Um, that sure is a way to have a cheeseburger. Since she’s holding what looks like a perfectly normal burger, I can only assume she’s lying to try and make it sound more enticing to Agumon. (Also, haven’t you got the memo, Megumi? Agumon’s favourite is Sarah’s fried eggs, obviously.)

Yoshino:  “How will they ever make up?”

Tohma:  “It’s not something we should interfere with.”

~~~~~

Yoshi: “You think those guys will ever be partners again?”

Thomas:  “I have more important things to do than second guess those two.”

Originally the implication from Tohma was definitely that he imagined they would make up sooner or later and just felt it wasn’t any of his business to try and force it to happen. But Thomas sounds like he’s implying he wouldn’t care if they didn’t ever make up at all. That’d have been reasonable for him before he came to respect Marcus, but not now.

Satsuma:  “They must learn why they’re important to each other. If they don’t find that answer, this is as far as they go.”

~~~~~

Sampson: “They need each other. But if they can’t see that, there’s no place for them here.”

Sampson is spelling things out a lot more explicitly for us. And it also sounds like he’s only thinking about this in terms of their suitability as DATS agents. The sense I got from Satsuma was that he was thinking more broadly about their growth as individuals and is concerned about that, DATS agents or not.

Masaru:  (That little shithead. He was the one who first said he wanted to be my follower.)

~~~~~

Marcus:  (I can’t believe him! He was the one who said he wanted me to be his boss in the first place. Then he gets upset when I act like a boss.)

That last dub-added part misses the point a bit. This is supposed to be about Masaru still having room to feel like he doesn’t need anyone, because Agumon initiated their partnership and looked up to him. This isn’t about Marcus acting in any particular way while being in that “boss” role at all.

(Maybe this could be read as Marcus deflecting from the real point here – but that’s not even necessary, since the real point is him being able to tell himself he doesn’t need Agumon. Masaru was also essentially deflecting from that.)

Masaru:  “Damn it!”

~~~~~

Marcus:  “This day just keeps gettin’ better and better…”

Marcus has more to say as he almost falls over from his missed baseball swing and leaves. I’m not sure I like his comment here, like he’s just thinking about this as one of those Bad Days where everything goes wrong, as if he was playing baseball as a totally unrelated way to pass the time and then this mishap just added to the Bad Things pile. Really, Masaru’s playing baseball because of the initial problem, as a way to physically let off some steam, and then he probably messes up as a result of that frustration of his, which only serves to amplify it.

Maybe it’s just the tone I don’t like as much – Marcus simply sounds fed up and exasperated, rather than actively frustrated about something that isn’t really the baseball at all.

Lalamon:  “You always said you hated being in the Digivice because you were alone.”

~~~~~

Lalamon:  “You said you hated being in the Digivice because it’s cramped and lonely.”

Ayy, the dub is still consistently sticking with its added emphasis that Agumon doesn’t like cramped spaces. I’m so weirdly pleased at this one bit of extra nuance that they manage to be completely consistent and also not-too-unsubtle about – probably because they’re not usually nearly this good. It’s to the point that I’m starting to have a strong theory that someone on the dub writing team had claustrophobia themselves and was projecting this onto Agumon, making consistently writing it this way personal to them, because they otherwise do not usually care enough to think about and follow through with the implications of minor changes like this.

Agumon:  “You two wouldn’t understand.”

Gaomon:  “That’s for sure. But that’s why I’m interested.”

~~~~~

Agumon:  “Just drop it, you guys, you don’t understand!”

Gaomon:  “It’s disgraceful. A member of DATS should take pride in his partnership.”

Original-Gaomon was simply curious here, perhaps showing a side of him that’s similar to his master’s very scientific approach to things. Dub-Gaomon is also showing similarity to Thomas in his strong sense of duty (plus pride in his partnership because he’s a dog)… but he is also kind of being more of a dick in the process.

Gaomon:  “Fighting with your master…”

~~~~~

Gaomon:  “Arguing with your superior…”

Since dub-Gaomon doesn’t call Thomas “Master”, this had to be changed, and this is a perfectly reasonable change, but it does still give Gaomon more of a sense of being an army grunt rather than a loyal dog.

Gaomon:  “Interesting. And why do you argue so often, do you think?”

Gaomon’s tone at the end here is also kind of dickish, like he’s implying that it should be obvious why Lalamon and Yoshi argue a lot. Geez, dub-Gaomon, chill.

Lalamon:  “Yoshino’s always really lazy! She doesn’t clean up her room, she doesn’t fold her laundry, she has bad sleeping habits and—”

~~~~~

Lalamon:  “Yoshi’s great, but she’s bossy and messy! And you should see what she does with her toenail clippings—”

“Bossy” is a lot more in line with the Yoshi we already know (at least towards Marcus, who kind of deserves it), though the “messy” part is similar to the original in hinting at a side of her we don’t usually see. But overall – no thanks in large part to the toenail clippings joke – there’s much less of a sense in the dub that Yoshi’s an entirely different person at home and that she doesn’t work nearly as hard in her home life as she does at DATS.

Katsumata:  “Da… Daimon!”

Masaru:  “Katsumata? You’re still hanging ‘round here?” [he turns to walk away]

~~~~~

Boomer:  “Huh? Oh… Marcus!”

Marcus:  “Hey, Boomer. Uh, sorry I can’t really talk right now. I’ll see ya.” [he turns to walk away, muttering under his breath] “Doof.”

Masaru’s interaction with Katsumata is obviously somewhat unfriendly from the start, based on both their tones and Masaru’s implication of “I thought I drove you out of this turf”. But Marcus and Boomer are both being… polite to each other? I would have assumed they were friends based on this, until Marcus insulted him under his breath.

Which, since they’re evidently not friends – especially given what’s about to happen – just makes it come across as incredibly off that Marcus even pretended to be polite to him in the first place. Masaru would never do that; he never beats around the bush and would never hide it if he had a problem with someone. That straightforward sincerity he has is a really big part of his character and I am sad to see so much less of it there in Marcus.

Since Marcus was enough of a jerk to pretend to be nice and then insult them under his breath, it then also comes across like Boomer and his cronies surround Marcus for a beatdown mostly because of that, rather than that they’ve had a run-in with him before and want revenge.

Masaru:  “What bad luck.”

Katsumata: “Cursing your fate won’t do you any good.”

Masaru:  “I was talking about you. I’m extremely pissed off right now!”

~~~~~

Marcus:  “You *don’t* wanna start a fight with me today.”

Boomer:  “Just ‘cause it’s five against one? Hah. We’re callin’ the shots this time around.”

Marcus:  “Is that what you think? Back off, Boomer, before I teach you bullies a lesson!”

Boomer:  “Yeah, right. Get him, guys!”

On the other hand, Marcus’s “today” does imply that he might have had a fight with this dude sometime before. (Unless he just means “start a fight with me” in the very general sense that people often come to him looking for a fight and not necessarily this guy in particular).

That line is also the only part of this scene that gets across the important sense that Marcus is especially in the mood to give someone a beatdown right now because of everything that’s been going on.

The rest of it… really doesn’t. Bullies? I don’t know if this is trying to say that these guys are known bullies that Marcus has heard of or dealt with before (in which case, why would he bother being nice to them?), or just a comment on the fact that they’re surrounding him five-on-one (though Marcus isn’t entirely innocent in this, since he insulted them first). But either way, this is the dub trying to reassure us that, hey, really, it’s okay that our protagonist beats up these guys, because they’re bullies! They’re bad guys! Marcus is being the good guy here, see!

That is not supposed to be the point of this. Masaru wasn’t beating up unwilling bystanders – he would not do that – and only did this because these dudes were looking for a fight. But this is very much supposed to be Masaru doing something that is kind of not okay, as a result of his frustration with himself set off by his argument with Agumon. That’s the point! It’s good for this to not be a great thing for Masaru to do! Characters – even good characters – are allowed to do bad things. That’s what makes stories more interesting.

Marcus also at least tries to de-escalate the situation by warning Boomer to back off. That makes the resulting beatdown a lot more on Boomer for refusing to listen, and a lot less on Marcus, who is at this point mostly acting in self-defence. Apparently Marcus would have been perfectly happy to walk away from this if they’d had second thoughts and left him alone.

But Masaru never gave them that chance. Once they’d incited aggression first by surrounding him, Masaru took that as a free excuse to start letting loose on these dudes without giving them an opportunity to change their minds. He wanted an excuse to vent his frustration through violence and wasn’t going to back out of it once he’d been given one. Again, that’s the point.

Agumon:  (Aniki hurt my pride.)

~~~~~

Agumon:  (You really hurt my feelings, Boss…)

This is almost the same, but hurt feelings is a bit more of a general idea that hurt pride. Pride in particular is especially relevant here, since Agumon and Masaru both have a lot of it and that’s a big part of the reason why this is happening.

At least the musical cue as Marcus stands over the beaten dudes is appropriately sinister and painting Marcus as very much not a hero in this situation. The dub soundtrack people have the right idea, even if the dub writers don’t.

Marcus:  “See? I don’t need help from anyone.”

Marcus has an added silence-filling line as he walks away, pointing out things that were already implied in the original because who needs subtlety. Also, hey, look, it’s almost like he really did just beat up those guys for his own issuey reasons and not because he was being a good guy defeating the bullies, how about that!

Though I also think this is somewhat missing the point. Yes, a lot of this episode is about Masaru trying to insist he doesn’t need anyone’s help. But this particular part is also here to show that his usual pastime of street fights against other humans isn’t enough for him any more, that he needs something more that fighting Digimon can give him. That’s what’s supposed to be the main thing on his mind as he walks away from this too-easy victory, rather than the more general don’t-need-anyone issue.

This whole part is one of my favourite delightfully-subtle bits of this episode, and the dub watered it down so much.

Old man:  “Well, well, my angry young friend.”

Pfft. Not an inappropriate thing to be calling him right now.

Old man:  “The things you truly need appear even when you’re not looking for them. That’s because you understand why you need them.”

~~~~~

Old man:  “The things you truly need appear even when you’re not looking for them. So look for what’s new in your life and figure out why you might need it.”

Unlike last time the old man showed up to be vague and metaphorical, this time the dub actually translates his speech almost entirely word-for-word! Amazing. This is the one bit that’s slightly different – but if anything, the dub’s version makes more sense at a part where the original was a little bit “???”, so, hey, good job. This does also mean that the old man is somewhat more actively giving Marcus advice in the dub than in the original, but that doesn’t really make a difference anyway (because Marcus is still not listening).

Boomer:  “What luck. I can’t believe I lost to Marcus again.”

Okay, so the dub is definitely going with the fact that Boomer is someone Marcus laid a beatdown on before today. They really shouldn’t have thrown doubt on that to begin with by having them sound like they’re being polite to each other in that earlier scene.

Katsumata: “Damn it, the stupid light’s taking too long again! Come on, change!”

Elecmon:  “Lights, change!”

~~~~~

Boomer:  “Why won’t these stoplights change already?! C’mon, c’mon!”

Elecmon:  “More toys to play with!”

…So, yep, Elecmon coming here is totally unrelated to anything Boomer is saying or feeling. And therefore it’s nothing to do with Marcus that this is happening. (Which also makes it a hugely convenient coincidence that he happens to be nearby to this Digimon incident when he doesn’t have DATS to tell him where to find it.)

Agumon:  “I decided I wouldn’t come out until Aniki apologises.”

~~~~~

Agumon:  “I’m staying here until Boss apologises, so blame him if something goes wrong!”

Dub-Agumon is being more of an immature dick here. If something goes wrong that he could have helped with, it’s totally not his fault for choosing to put his personal issues above the importance of the case, sure.

Bystander:  “I still can’t believe that no-one was seriously injured!”

Yeah, sure, dub, you just fill a silence with this to reassure the kids. It’s a huge flaming car crash, but it’s fine! Nobody was even really hurt, let alone killed!

Masaru:  “It’s okay. You’re not hurt anywhere.”

~~~~~

Marcus:  “It’s okay, kid, you aren’t hurt. Thanks to me, of course!”

Marcus, unlike Masaru, feels the need to make things about himself here, somewhat putting the damper on his selfless moment of heroism. Not completely, but he comes across as slightly less genuinely selflessly good as a result.

(It could be read like that comment is a result of the I-can-do-everything-alone issues he’s having this episode, but it feels like now of all times is when he should stop acting that way at all. That was the idea behind this bit in the original. Marcus’s tone for that part is still quite soft, so it also doesn’t sound like it’s part of his overcompensating.)

Agumon:  “Aniki!”

~~~~~

Agumon:  “Oh no!”

Because “Aniki” is two lip-flaps, they can’t just replace a lone “Aniki!” with a lone “Boss!”, so instead Agumon says this, coincidentally sounding more worried than he did originally.

Yoshi:  “Marcus, where’ve you been? Why didn’t you contact us?”

Marcus:  “I’ve been busy doing my job!”

Yeah, sure, doing your job definitely includes playing baseball and beating up some random dudes. (Masaru did not try and make any such claim.)

Yoshino:  “You don’t have a partner, so just wait here.”

~~~~~

Yoshi:  “Without a partner, you’re useless, so just stay out of the way, Marcus.”

Yikes, Yoshi. Calling him outright useless like this is going to rile him up even more.

With the dub’s insistence on using its evolution music every single time someone evolves, at least these shorter evolution animations mean that the music doesn’t awkwardly loop exactly twice, and instead it plays smoothly through the two animations.

Masaru:  “Even if I am [being absurd], I’ll use it to cut through a new path! That’s what a man does!”

~~~~~

Marcus:  “An ultimate fighter never quits! Let’s go, you overgrown puppy!”

Even aside from removing the manliness part, they also removed the rest of what was fun about this line. Masaru has a delightful insistence about how he doesn’t care if he’s being absurd, that can be a good thing that’ll help him win! Marcus is just… never quitting, and then trash-talking his opponent. Which is fine, but… simple.

Agumon:  “Aniki!”

~~~~~

Agumon:  “Oh, Boss!”

More ways for the dub to get around the lip-flap issue with short exclamations like this.

Yoshi:  “Chasing something we may not be able to catch, to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved! Marcus must be terrified all alone.”

[cut to Marcus on Garurumon’s back]

Marcus:  “Yaaaaa-hooooo!”

Look, I get the joke they’re going for here, but doing so compromises two characters. Why would Yoshi even worry about Marcus being terrified, after she literally just complained that he won’t want to be saved? She knows him, geez.

And then Marcus having great fun riding the Garurumon would normally be perfectly fine – see Drimogemon last episode – but one of the interesting points about this part in the original is that Masaru wasn’t having nearly as much fun with this as he had with Drimogemon before, as a sign that he knows deep down how outmatched he is without Agumon.

Masaru:  “Hey, asshole, how far are you gonna go? Stop sometime! Damn, my arms are giving out! Are you trying to see which of us lasts longer?”

~~~~~

Marcus:  “Hey, you digital dimwit, give it up! You’re never gonna be able to shake me off you! …Except my arms are starting to get tired. Well, let’s see who gives out first!”

He’s also a lot more openly cocky about being able to hold on, generally, despite that he does admit his arms are getting tired. Masaru’s lines gave more of a subtle sense that he was hoping it would stop so he wouldn’t have to keep holding on, if still not directly admitting that.

Masaru:  “Hey. Don’t underestimate me!”

~~~~~

[Garurumon growls]

Marcus:  “Woof.” [he lets out a wordless battle cry]

As much as I am kind of amused by Marcus aggressively making fun of his enemy being a big dog, I am sad that this comes in place of that fun original line in which Masaru had decided Garurumon was totally underestimating him, which definitely wasn’t him projecting his own self-doubt onto it.

Masaru:  “Damn it, what do I do now?”

~~~~~

Marcus:  “Oh, that’s right! I’m on my own here!”

Somewhat less of a sense in the dub line that Marcus is starting to wonder how the hell he’s going to win this now.

Marcus:  “…Not fun.”

Marcus has this little comment about how it felt to be slammed into a wall, and I enjoy it.

Masaru:  “Am I not… strong enough to beat him…? Is it really only a Digimon that can stop a Digimon…?”

~~~~~

Marcus:  “Man, maybe I’m not strong enough to defeat this guy… Maybe it really *does* take a Digimon to defeat a Digimon…”

Despite his “maybe”s, Marcus generally sounds a lot more sure about this here, like he’s not actually having any real difficulty accepting this now, whereas Masaru was still struggling with it to the point of phrasing it as a question.

Marcus:  “But still, there’s no way I’m gonna give up even if this turns out to be my last stand…!”

The dub has some extra lip-flap here, so this is also added in. Which I’m not super sold on. In keeping with a dub difference in episode 1 (wow, consistency), Marcus is apparently openly willing to just throw his life away for no good reason. Plus, the fact that he’s explicitly accepting the possibility he might get killed here means he really has accepted that he can’t do this with a lot more willing certainty than Masaru did.

(At least the dub managed to phrase the concept of him dying in a way that sounds natural despite not directly mentioning death.)

Masaru:  (I was wrong… I need…)

~~~~~

Marcus:  (What was I thinking? I couldn’t have defeated that guy [Tortamon] by myself, and I can’t beat Garurumon either! I need Agumon, and now I’ll never get to tell him I’m sorry!)

These are both lines that take up the same amount of time, believe it or not. Marcus is way more internally-talkative and generally perfectly articulating the problem he was having and the Lesson He’s Learned. Meanwhile, Masaru was coming to this realisation a lot more slowly and gradually, barely able to articulate it to himself beyond the most simple and important part. The original’s writers were happy to leave some silent gaps in between his thoughts to do the rest of the work more subtly.

The dub’s also really doubling down on the idea that Marcus is very consciously aware that he’s probably about to be killed here. Him lamenting not being able to apologise to Agumon is cute, but I still don’t know if I like him having admitted the about-to-die part to himself in the first place.

Sadly, the dub does not have the extra layer of Marcus’s screams of exertion that are what’s physically coming out of his mouth during this part. Regardless, these are definitely internal thoughts, because they have an echoey sort of effect on them to imply that. (The original doesn’t use that effect for its inner monologue lines at all.)

Masaru:  (I need… I need Agumon! I want to fight together with Agumon!)

~~~~~

Marcus:  (I get it now. I need you, Agumon! What makes us strong isn’t you or me… it’s both of us working as a team!)

Them working together as a team being the reason they’re strong is a cute (and correct) sentiment, don’t get me wrong, but I still like it less how Marcus is able to perfectly articulate this to himself and has just very straightforwardly Learned His Lesson.

Also, the loss of specifically “I want to fight together with Agumon” loses the possibly-unintentional call-forward in that line, which makes me a little sad.

Marcus:  “Right. We’re the ultimate team!”

With the dub’s “ultimate team” being a whole Thing that’s in more than just this episode, it has a more impactful effect to bring it back here that the original can’t do. So that’s a plus for the dub, at least.

Marcus:  “Never surrender, GeoGreymon!”

The evolution theme, being an instrumental remix of the dub’s opening theme, happened to have the part of its melody which matches with the dub’s opening lyric of “Never surrender!” just a few seconds before this line. Heh. I wonder if that was deliberate.

Masaru:  “There’s no way you can lose to a Digimon like that!”

~~~~~

Marcus:  “Remember, you’ll never lose as long as we fight together!”

Marcus’s line here is more adorable than Masaru’s, putting the focus on their partnership rather than just implicitly insulting their opponent! (It could be read that Masaru was specifically referencing the fact that Garurumon doesn’t have a partner and that’s why GeoGreymon should win, but if so that’s not all that clear.) I approve.

Masaru:  “You did it, Agumon!”

Agumon:  “Aniki!”

~~~~~

Marcus:  “You did it, Agumon!”

Agumon:  “*We* did!”

The dub did indeed go for “you” with the translation of Masaru’s subject-ambiguous Japanese line – and then they had Agumon add in a “we”, for maximum adorableness!

Masaru:  “We can beat any Digimon if we’re fighting together!”

Agumon:  “Yeah! We’re the strongest combination ever!”

~~~~~

Marcus:  “As long as the two of us work together, no Digimon can stand against us!”

Agumon:  “Yeah, we’re still the ultimate team, Boss!”

The dub’s version of this is basically the same right here, but what it unfortunately doesn’t do that the original did is directly echo what the two of them said in the beginning of the episode, but with the speakers swapped. Here’s the earlier bits:

Agumon:  “As if any Digimon could beat us when we’re fighting together!”

Masaru:  “Yeah! Because we’re the strongest combination ever!”

~~~~~

Agumon: “There’s no Digimon that can beat the ultimate team!”

Marcus: “Yeah! Agumon and I are the strongest team ever!”

Alas, apparently the dubbers didn’t realise that was a deliberate callback and make sure the earlier lines were worded so they’d work with this.

Agumon:  “Nah, it’s fine. I’m sorry, too.”

~~~~~

Agumon:  “No. I should be apologising to *you*.”

The dub’s version of this contains the awkward implication that Agumon isn’t just giving his own apology but also feels like Marcus didn’t even need to apologise in the first place. Which isn’t right, since both of them were equally at fault here. I don’t know if the dub even meant to imply this, but that’s how Agumon’s phrasing reads.

Masaru:  “Crap, it’s Yoshino. Run, Agumon!”

~~~~~

Marcus:  “Oh man, I’d rather face another Digimon than Yoshi. Run!”

The original reads like Masaru is trying to run because Yoshino is going to force him to clean up his mess. In the dub, it reads like it’s not so much about the clean-up and more like he’s mostly running because Yoshi is scary when she’s mad, which has a vaguely uncomfortably sexist vibe to it.

(Also, why is he acting like facing another Digimon would be a bad thing? Of course he’d rather fight another Digimon than face Yoshi, regardless of her anger or the clean-up, because fighting Digimon is his favourite thing!)

Overall differences

Well, at least they didn’t ruin the overall point of the episode like they could have by changing the reason Marcus and Agumon fall out. I had wondered if the bizarre misconception I’ve seen of “this episode is bad because they fall out over fried eggs!!!” came from the dub, but no, it very much didn’t. That part is perfectly intact. That said, there’s a lot of other changes going on in this episode that I’m not too fond of, especially because a lot of them mess with the fun nuanced bits.

The ridiculous small-business jokes during their argument further highlight how nonsensical it always was to call Agumon Marcus’s “employee”, and they detract from the meaningful points being made there about their respective roles in the relationship.

Elecmon is entirely lucid and simply coming here because it wants to mess around with traffic lights, which is extremely not how things work, not even in the dub’s version of why these Digimon incidents are happening. It also means this incident isn’t indirectly Marcus’s fault, which was a thing I enjoyed in the original.

The scene where Marcus beats up the dudes is probably my least favourite of the changes. The dub completely fails to grasp that Masaru doing something kinda not okay is the whole point of that scene. Instead it scrambles to insist that their kids’ show protagonist is still a 100% squeaky clean good person actually, because look, he’s only beating up bullies! And yet despite that, Marcus also acts weirdly uncharacteristically polite to this person that he has every reason to openly dislike.

Just like in episode 3, Marcus is a lot more articulate and self-aware about admitting exactly what his problem is and the lesson he’s learned in this episode (though at least in this episode he actually learns it), which continues to be less interesting and nuanced than the way Masaru struggles a lot more to fully accept and understand his issues. There’s also a recurrence of the thing from dub episode 1 in which Marcus is fully, consciously aware of the possibility that he might die, which is not something Masaru ever quite lets himself acknowledge even when he’s inches away from being eaten.

At least a few of the lines in the scene where he and Agumon make up are changed to be a little bit more adorable in the dub than they were originally, so there’s that.

#digimon #digimon savers #digimon data squad

[alchemist-shizun]

You're a system right? I know this may be quite a bit weird but i really don't know what to do. So i? I think i might be a system, but i never interacted with alters or, anything. Is...switching feeling like someone else? I think i might but this feels so weird and i don't know if i'm me or not and this is kinda terrifying. I greatly apologize for the rushed feeling of this ask, but i really don't follow any other systems and i don't how i would even explain this to someone else. I genuinely feel crazy and like i shouldn't be dealing with these things and people, and my ""own"" name feels so. Wrong. Is this...normal

Hi! Yes I am and don’t worry about asking, I know this is a very tricky and confusing topic so I’m glad you decided to reach out.

I wanna make a premise that DID/OSDD system experiences tend to be very unique and different from one another, so when something can apply to you, it may not apply to someone else and vice versa. (Pointing this out cause denial about faking is very very very common) So don’t worry if you don’t relate to everything you search or I say.

About not interacting with alters, I want to also point out that that is normal, I didn’t talk to them before finding out I was a system, I thought they were kintypes actually, so they left small messages on notes that I could answer to and they would answer when they “shifted”. (Still don’t talk that much to some of them) DID/OSDD are disorders that tend to be imperceptible from the external people because it’s kind of like a protective shell, you feel me? And the alters might not talk to you cause they’re kind of “hiding” from you since it “needs to be a secret” both from you and others, they can keep things from you (like memories of trauma/emotional amnesia), it’s all a “we need to not be noticed and blend in” type of deal, which makes it really difficult to diagnose as well unless it’s very obvious. (in fact, alters may act like you in front of others to preserve the secret)

As for switching, this again is something personal to everybody, for example I saw a system who would yawn everytime they switched, other types are very imperceptible where you wouldn’t even know if they switched unless they told you. Now as of feeling, I for example often kinda feel this push and pull feeling in my stomach, as though someone is telling me they want to or are going to take over for me. I might get light headed as well and usually a headache follows. I have to say ever since I realized I was a system, it’s been a little more clear understanding who is around, I kinda feel their presence closer to front until they straight up talk to me. What you described sounds a lot like that one time I really didn’t know who was fronting, it gets really frustrating and I imagine you got scared, cause you’re like “okay who the heck is here? I can’t understand.”

So yeah obviously I can’t be the one to tell you if you’re a system or not, because that’s up to you understanding whether or not you relate, researching and stuff. What I can tell you is kinda my experience when someone else is fronting, they don’t feel me present at all, they tend to say I’m “having a nap” or I’m resting or I’m far in the back, so not really in control. What’s tricky is that we’re all constantly in co-consciousness (i.e. everybody knows what’s happening in front even if they’re not fronting, we don’t have amnesia between switches), so it’s harder to really be sure whether I’m there around or not if I don’t know who’s fronting. In fact, it can happen that you’re co-fronting sometimes, you can be there in control with someone else.

A small note about the co-consciousness, in case you are an OSDD-1b system like me, when someone else is fronting and then I come back, I do remember everything that happened, but it’s more like when you remember something that someone else told you. Like it’s clear that it didn’t happen to me specifically, but to my alter, but I still know exactly what happened. So the memory could affect my alter more than me. 

The name thing does sound accurate, it can be similar to depersonalization where you don’t really feel like it’s you and if you look in the mirror, you’re like “that’s not me?? what”, or I would look at my hands and it starts feeling so very very weird. Alters have different names, ages, looks and pronouns, so if someone were to call me by one of my alters’ names I’d be like “what wait a minute no I’m Purp/Edric”, and on the same way they would say they aren’t Purp/Edric, they don’t feel my physical appearance to be theirs etc. One thing that may help: often alters have different demeanours from the host and their voice tones may change, so in case you start feeling like that again, you can check for these things. For example I have an alter called Logan, his voice is probably the deepest so far between the ones who have fronted, he usually starts looking more serious as well and uses a little bit of a different vocabulary and accent too (look out for the way of speaking and accent as well other than voice tone change, those are other clear signs).

I’m sorry you felt like that but I can assure you you’re not crazy and these things can definitely happen, you’re not alone in this and you can always reach out to people! So I hope this was somewhat insightful and I want to advise a few things only to help with this: do research, look up DID and OSDD-1b or OSDD-1a to see which one you really relate to and then you can try to go deeper and see if they make sense to your experience. (In case they don’t make sense to you, try looking up depersonalization as well, cause what you described does sound like that kind of dissociation. You also can both be a system and deal with depersonalization btw)

I didn’t think I could ever possibly have an identity disorder cause I thought DID was the only one and I didn’t have amnesia at all, but when I found out about OSDD-1b it was kinda like something had clicked and I was like “wait that’s a thing??”. I’m still in denial sometimes but I work through it, so in case you do realize you’re a system, initial hard denial about faking is totally normal, you can come to me in case you need help with that and I will do my best to validate you!

As for the other piece of advice, I’d say to try and just welcome it, if you feel like you might be switching. Don’t be afraid of it, let it happen, I know it sounds easier said than done but if you think about something too much you end up focusing too much on it and it just doesn’t happen, it is also very dangerous to force it, cause forced switches end up in feeling physically sick (like very painful headaches). Take a deep breath, maybe close your eyes a second and just go “okay, I can sit back for a second”. Finding positive triggers is also a good way to tell alters they’re welcome to come out and hang around if they want.

Sorry for the lengthy answer, I have never really given advice about this before so I didn’t want to say the wrong stuff, I’m not used to it ;w;. I hope this helped in any way and in case you have more questions you can hit me up and I will do my best to answer, my DMs are also always open (might take a while cause my phone’s broken currently) and yeah, whatever answer you find, remember you’re always very very valid, okay? Hope you have a fantastic day!

#purp and anons #long post #dissociative identity disorder #osdd #purp pls stop

[izupie]

So recently I said that I would stop putting limits on myself as to what I’m writing - like, if I want to write it, and I have inspiration and motivation for it, I’ll Write It. (Despite hearing the moaning cries of my wip folder and beating it back with a broom) 

So taking away my impulse control on writing stuff has resulted in me spending the last few hours writing whatever this is and I don’t even know where it’s going and yes I’m aware I have another werewolf Richie wip already and no I don’t know if I’m ever going to finish this, but please take it from my weary hands anyway

---------------

“So, hypothetically, say I had a… friend… who got bit by a dog-”

“-You got bit by a dog?”

“Wha- No, Eds, fuck- weren’t you listening? My friend got bit by a dog. Hypothetically.”

“Richie- I swear to- how fucking stupid do you think I am? When has that line ever worked for anyone ever?”

Richie peered into the tiny sink at the red still dripping down his fingers from the wound on his hand. There was a pile of bloodied tissues next to him and the wad he was currently pressing onto the bite really needed changing too. “Oh, shit,” Richie cursed loudly, as his cell phone nearly slid out of the gap that he’d wedged it in, between his shoulder and his ear.

“What?”

“I nearly lost my phone down the plane toilet.” He snorted a laugh. “Imagine someone’s walking around down there, minding their own business, and a phone drops out of the sky on them.”

“That’s not how plane toilets work!” Eddie’s voice was agitated and clipped, and Richie could listen to it all day. Even with the whole bleeding out into a tiny plastic sink thing.

“Aw, it’s not?”

“Of course not, dipshit, otherwise every time someone flushes it, it would just-” Eddie took a deep breath and Richie reached for a handful of new toilet paper to press onto his hand. “You’re distracting me. You need to apply pressure to the wound.”

“I am. I’m like, pressing a load of toilet paper on it. But it won’t stop bleeding.”

“It’s probably gonna get infected… shit, what if the dog had rabies, have you had a rabies shot in the last year?”

Richie opened his mouth.

“Of course you haven’t. Okay, just don’t think about rabies. Dog bites get infected easy because of all the bacteria in their mouths, so you need to wash it. That’ll encourage the bleeding, but you need to make sure the wound is clean. Then you’ve got to dry it and just keep the pressure on.”

It was soothing to hear Eddie’s voice in his ear, and despite the bite (that had started to feel like it was burning – that can’t be a good sign) Richie was always so happy to talk to him. He was hunched over a plane sink with his cell phone jammed onto his ear and piles of bloodied toilet paper around him, but he was smiling because he was talking to Eddie Kaspbrak and he was being a helpful but bossy little shit. God he’d got it bad. “Wash it, dry it, pressure,” Richie repeated, “aye, aye, cap’n doctor K.”

“As soon as I pick you up, we’re going straight to the hospital.”

Richie began following Eddie’s instructions as he ran his hand under the tap, wincing as the burning sensation increased and the red freely flowed down the drain.

“Wait a minute- if you’re already on the plane… how’d you get bitten by a dog?”

Richie grabbed a handful of clean, dry toilet paper and patted the wound gently, as he thought about how he was going to dance around a way of explaining what happened. “Uh…” Then he pressed down hard, applying as much pressure as he could, and hissed at the stab of pain.

“Hey, are you okay?” Eddie’s concern came loud and clear through the phone and it was so startling in its utter sincerity that it made Richie want to pour his goddamn heart out to him with an, ‘Well I got bit by a dog but that’s not the problem, I’m not okay because I’ve been so in love with you that it hurts since we were thirteen fucking years old.’

Instead Richie just nodded and realised that he wouldn’t be able to see that, so he said, “I just nodded.”

Eddie let out a huff and Richie smiled at the soft sound.

“God you’re so distracting-”

No, you’re so distracting.

“-but, really, how’d you get a dog bite on a plane, Rich? Did one bite you before you got on?”

And there was his out. He could agree to that, and it would be fine. Eddie would never know. (Though it would probably be a little hard to keep up the lie if he got any kind of magical related disease or curse or something, since he didn’t consider rabies to be a legitimate concern from a bite he received through some magical bullshit that he thought he had left behind a year ago.) But maybe he was tired of tying himself up in a web of lies all the time with Eddie, because he was always so careful to mask everything with a joke or a punchline. Didn’t he deserve as much honesty as he was willing to give sometimes – about this at least?

“Richie?”

And oh, there was the word that always brought him to his knees. The word he heard whispered on bloodied lips. Whimpered into a cave. Hands up to a blood-stained spike, piercing a chest – before waking up sobbing in his bed alone.

It was dead.

It was fucking dead. And Eddie was alive.

Richie took a deep breath, inflating his lungs as far as they could go, and let it all out at once. “I’ve been having dreams.”

“What?”

“The fucking- the Deadlights or whatever- when I was caught in them I… saw things.” Richie was gripping onto his wounded hand so hard his knuckles were white.

You died.

“And I’ve been having, I don’t know, some weird kind of messed up dreams on and off since then.”

For a moment Eddie didn’t reply and then it burst out of him in a pure unfiltered explosion of Kaspbrak rage through the phone, “You didn’t think to tell us this sooner? What if that means- like what if It isn’t really dead? ‘Messed up’ dreams? What kind of messed up? Richie, what the fuck- why didn’t you tell anyone? Why didn’t you tell me?”

(Richie could imagine the pacing and the hand movements that went with the ranting, but it didn’t make him feel any less guilty.)

“Well I mean, I’m coming to stay at your apartment for a couple of weeks, so like, at some point I’d have woken you up with the screaming or the sobbing, or the pathetic party of both at the same time, so it would probably have come up then…”

There was another long pause and Richie expected this to be because of Eddie rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“So anyway,” Richie continued, “I fell to sleep as soon as the plane took off.”

“Of course,” Eddie sighed.

Richie thought he sounded sad. But he supposed if he found out that Eddie was keeping a secret like that from him, he’d be pretty pissed off and upset about it too. (It’s not the only secret he’s keeping from Eddie, but it’s the only one he’s willing to ever let past his lips.)

“Well this dream started similarly to the others… but…” Richie hesitated, remembering what had set the dream off its usual course of watching Eddie die in that cave – he’d so very nearly told him that he loved him. It had been on the tip of his tongue, but he’d swallowed it down. Instead he’d told a weak joke and they’d both smiled, even though Eddie was bleeding out under his hands, and the whole dream had gone black. “There was a turtle,” he said eventually, remembering the darkness and the tiny point of light in it. “Which was weird.”

“You’re having magic dreams and the weird thing is that there was a turtle?”

“Well yeah, ‘cause there’s never been one there before. They tend to all go the same way.”

“So… the turtle bit you?”

“What, no. The turtle didn’t fucking bite me. Jesus. It turned into a dog, and the dog bit me.”

Richie could hear Eddie sit down.

“It was one of those tiny fluffy demon things. It told me I had to stop hiding who I am and…” Let myself be seen. “I don’t know, some other weird stuff, so I reached out to it and it fuckin’ bit me, man.”

“The… turtle… that turned into a… dog… and bit you… told you, that you had to stop hiding who you are?”

“Yep.” Richie snorted a laugh and lifted the toilet paper on his wound carefully, to peek underneath. The bleeding had stopped. He finally reached up to adjust his glasses and released his phone from the gap between his neck and shoulder to hold it up to his ear with his good hand. “But I’ve always been a Trashmouth, and I’ll always be a Trashmouth and I don’t think anyone can say that I don’t flaunt it on stage. I don’t hide anything.” Richie winced as soon as the words left his mouth, and he was glad that Eddie couldn’t see. He was in fact talking to the one person that he was hiding the most from. Maybe the turtle-dog had a point…

But their friendship meant everything to him, and to lose Eddie after just getting him back would destroy him.

In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea to stay at the recently-divorced questionably-straight single-friend’s apartment that he had a lifetime’s long crush on, but when Eddie invited him over for a couple of weeks for a vacation there wasn’t a force on earth (or otherwise) that could have made him refuse.

(He really needed help.)

(But not the magic supernatural bullshit kind.)

“Okay,” Eddie said with a note of finality and decision, “okay, I’ll get in touch with Mike and see what he knows. Mike’s good with this kind of stuff, right? Or maybe Bev? She got caught in the Deadlights like you. Wait, didn’t Stan say he saw some weird Deadlights shit too? Though I’m not sure Stan would let me get past ‘Richie got bit by a dream dog’ before he hung up on me.”

Richie laughed as he felt a wave of affection crash through his chest. Eddie was clearly out of his comfort zone with anything involving magic again, but he was being practical and logical and making plans. He had always been, and continued to be, the bravest man Richie had ever known.

“Tell him I got bit by a magic pigeon and he might stick around long enough to hear a bit more.” He stuffed the bloodied toilet paper into the toilet and wiped around the sink to get rid of any traces of red.

Eddie’s voice softened, “How’s your hand?”

Richie turned his wounded hand over and examined the puncture marks – now just angry red indents. But they still burned. “It’s not so bad now,” he said, “bleeding has stopped. Thanks, doc.”

“Well, we’re still taking you straight to the hospital. I’m going to get in my car now and I’ll meet you at the airport as soon as you land. Just… stay awake for the rest of the journey, okay?”

Richie wondered if Eddie was really smiling, or if he was just doing a good job of imagining it in his voice. He smiled back anyway and ran his good hand through his messy hair. “You got it. See you soon, Eds.”

“Don’t call me-”

Richie chuckled as he pressed the button to flush the toilet and hung up the call.

#I had sooooo much fun writing their dialogue #Reddie #reddie fanfiction #werewolf richie #IT chapter 2 #richie x eddie #my fanfiction #I hope it shows how much fun I had writing this because it was honestly such a good time #IT stuff #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #I'm definitely uploading this to AO3 at some point #when it's not 1am

[hargrove-mayfields]

this is part two of this fic if you want to read that first!! warnings in the tags!

When they finally make the leap out of Hawkins, they move into a one story in Oregon, of all places. It’s not California, but it’s close by, and the doctors say that for the sake of Billy’s lungs, he needs a more mild climate than he’d have there. Besides, Billy insists that anyplace is home enough for him as long as Steve’s with him.

After a few months of living there with a nagging sense that something was missing from the space, they’re able to complete their new home when they find an upright piano for next to nothing on the side of the road to replace the old grand they had to leave behind at Steve’s parents place.

It’s much less sophisticated than what they’re accustomed to, the finish had long ago chipped off and half of the yellowed keys played the wrong notes, but they’re able to fix it up with some work.

Once it’s presentable, shined up and once again functioning properly, it sits like a trophy in the corner of their dining room, a symbol of what they could do with music. That graceful ability to grow and to change and to heal that they were so familiar with, and of the love that developed between them on the bench.

Billy plays more than Steve does, to keep himself occupied when he’s on his own and itching to get out there and break every rule of his recovery laid down by his doctors.

Even after he regains most of his strength, his hands no longer shaking from the simplest of tasks, the piano never loses its power to keep him out of his thoughts, chasing away nightmares and rampant fears so he can feel like himself.

The sounds of Billy’s playing carrying through their houses, the soft twinkling of keys as the first rays of sunshine cut through curtained windows is like an alarm clock, has Steve waking up in a bliss each morning.

Even in the winter, when the cold is especially hard on Billy’s body, his scars sore like they’re still new and his joints stiff and aching, he’s guaranteed to be up to play at the first rays of the morning sun, usually before Steve is even up for work.

One particularly snowy morning, when Steve wakes up to the usual melody of Billy’s playing with the sun in his eyes, he takes a moment to just stay in bed and revel in the warm music drifting in the room before he realizes he’s slept through his alarm.

He panics for a moment, shoves his glasses onto his face crooked and stumbles out of the bed fast enough he almost trips over the comforters still wrapped around him, but in his effort to stay upright he notices a note on the nightstand.

In Billy’s shaky handwriting it reads, “School’s cancelled. Thought I’d let you sleep in -B”

Steve chuckles to himself over the mix-up, and peeks out the window past thick curtains to see a few inches of snow that wasn’t there when they’d gone to bed the night before. He’s not one to say he hates his job, or even dislikes it, teaching is what he’d always wanted to do, but a thousand times over he’d rather be given the chance to stay at home with Billy.

Without bothering to change out of his pajamas, he pads down the hall into the kitchen, focusing on the song drifting in from the dining room, one he doesn’t think he recognizes, as he starts to make their morning white tea.

Billy would’ve rather it be a morning coffee, but that much caffeine is bad for his heart, so they settle for tea with honey and a pinch of sugar.

“Mornin’, Stevie.” Without looking up, he acknowledges Steve as he enters with two steaming mugs. “Did you get my note?”

“Wouldn't I be out the door by now if I hadn’t?” Steve sets their teas on the corner of the dining table to cool, and sits down so he’s straddling the bench. He situates himself so he can wrap his arms loosely around Billy’s braced torso, and rest his cheek against his shoulder so he can watch scarred hands as they glide across the keys.

Billy chuckles, smiles down at the keys. “Touché.”

Once he’s settled, Steve sighs through his nose and asks, “What’s that you’re playin’?”

“S’a song called When.” This tip of Billy’s tongue pokes out just between his teeth, his concentration on what he’s playing intense. He acknowledges Steve again when he reaches a slower part of the song. “You wanna hear it?”

An answer isn’t really necessary, Billy knows undoubtedly that Steve is interested in anything he does, but he gives a confirmation regardless. “You know I do.” He shifts until he’s comfortable against Billy’s side, and Billy starts into the song.

His voice is much better than before, now that his throat is healed. It’s still a little gravelly, gets deeper when he sings where Steve’s gets higher, but it’s smooth and warm and just about Steve’s favorite sound in the whole world.

Closing his eyes, Steve focuses on just listening to the magical sounds that Billy can make, on feeling the soothing vibrations of his voice as he works through the piece.

With words the song is vaguely familiar, and it’s truly a beautiful thing.

It’s a ballad to nature, ironic for someone who spends most of his day confined to indoors or his own backyard. The song is gentle, full of pretty trills to accentuate even prettier lyrics, but it takes on a melancholy tone, given the context.

Appreciation for life, for the world and everything good within it is something anyone can relate to, but apply it to a sick man and it changes the meaning drastically. Gives it more a sense of longing for these things, and it’s got Steve feeling overwhelmed by its sincerity.

Typically, Billy favored songs he thought were fun like The Bitch is Back and piano covers of songs far too hard core for the dainty instrument, so it’s surprising, hearing him pouring his heart out through an actual ballad, but Steve is glad for it, that fond and warm feeling growing in his chest at hearing Billy’s song.

The song trills one more time into a slow crescendo, and finishes off in a way that Steve couldn’t have been expecting with the words, ““When the whole world is filled, with Mother Nature's noises… that's the time to stuff cotton in your ears!”

The change of tone in the song is so abrupt it makes Steve open his eyes again and pull away from his hold around Billy’s waist, keeping his fingers linked but leaning way back to look at his face. Billy’d duped him, had him feeling all emotional before revealing his cards, his normal sense of humor.

He’s wearing a smile, crooked and relaxed as he takes in Steve’s reaction, the confusion at the pace change. Despite the humor twinkling in his eyes, he asks innocently, “What?”

“Nothing.” Steve can’t help but smile back, even if he shakes his head at Billy’s choice of song.

Still smiling, Billy kisses him, soft and slow in a way that has always made Steve feel like it was the first time, his heart doing backflips while he melts into the bench.

They pull away for a breath, and the moment passes bittersweet, just as many do these days. Giggle almost always turn to tears anymore, and Steve feels his lip start to tremble, feels Billy put a hand on the small of his back so he can pull him closer and sigh into his hair.

Billy’s dying.

The doctors say he’s only got a few years left in him, if that. His heart is worn out from too many surgeries and medications to keep the hole in his chest closed.

They can’t fix it for fear of doing nothing but speeding up the process. They’re stuck with the recommendation to take him home and make him comfortable that nobody ever wants to hear, especially not now, when they’re still young, supposed to be living their lives to the fullest.

He’s already lived longer than they initially estimated when his body started rejecting the transplanted lung a while back, but he’s sick, getting sicker all the time.

The weight he’d been able to put back on in the years following that initial hospital stay was gone again, and his lung capacity was worse every day to the point that even with the oxygen tubes he felt breathless and dizzy, and he was coughing up blood.

Steve doesn’t know what he’ll do when Billy’s gone. Doesn’t know if he’ll keep teaching, if he’ll leave the area, he doesn’t like to dwell on it too much.

But what he does know for sure, is that the house will never be silent, and the piano won’t be covered. Won’t be forgotten in that corner or left unplayed after he goes.

It will stay just where Billy left it, to commemorate him and all he’d done with it, to honor and remember his music through Steve’s own.

Moments like these, fleeting as they are, are everything to Steve anymore. When Billy isn’t here anymore, all he would have were the memories of mornings like these and every second together with him, sealed in a box in his heart where nobody could touch them.

To lose the person behind that, there are no words that can describe how hard that’s going to be. Loss has never been easy for Steve, and having time to anticipate it did nothing but draw out the pain of knowing what was coming, what he’d have to let go of.

But it wouldn’t hurt forever.

Of course he would allow himself the time to mourn, how couldn’t he, when he’d be losing the only person who’d been able to take every wish and dream he could ever have possibly had and make them all come true, who’d ever really loved him. But he promised Billy, and himself, that he wouldn’t let himself be sad.

Because he refuses to remember him by his lows, all the countless days spent in the hospital, sleepless nights when he’d have coughing fits and be in so much pain he couldn’t sleep, the teary eyed panic attacks when something triggered a bad memory. That wasn’t Billy.

When the time comes, Steve wants to keep making music. To use the very tool he’d given Billy after government conspiracy and more than a year in the hospital, back then to offer him an outlet to feel better, to now keep his memory alive. Give him a legacy.

In the moment, Steve lets Billy wipe away his tears and pull him closer still to kiss the top of his head. He chokes back a sob listening to that wavering heartbeat from where he’s drawn close, and tries to chase the thoughts away.

Because they’re here now. Billy isn’t gone yet and Steve isn’t letting go. Right now, there’s still time to create more moments to hold onto, to create something beautiful, melodic, powerful.

Steve taught Billy to play the piano, but Billy taught Steve how to live in the moment, how to care for someone with all of his heart. More than anything, Billy taught Steve how to grieve.

#harringrove #billy x steve #billy hargrove #steve harrington #tw character death #just a little heads up #nobody dies but it’s referenced that it’s going to happen sometime soon #like mourning a death that’s inevitable I suppose #ej writer #story by ej! #sorry to get all depressing on you guys