#i run away from closure because i am scared no one cares enough to want closure with me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wastelandlovingscenarios · 3 years

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regret | deacon x sole survivor

“i don’t feel the same way, charmer.” his voice was barely a whisper.

sole felt a lump grow in their throat as they tried to fight back the tears that threatened to escape. they tried to let out a simple, “okay, i understand,” but only silence filled the air.

deacon knows. he catches the tears building up in their eyes and knows their voice is silently attempting to scratch its way out.

he desperately wants to stop their pain, wipe their tears and remind them that he thinks no differently of their relationship, but something in his heart tugs as sole fights back to hide their vulnerability from him. “i’m sorry.” is all he truly lets out because in reality, his words are just as lost as soles own.

to sole, his words become a blur. their knees become weak as their vision becomes clouded with tears they refuse to let out.

‘i’ll give them time,’ he thinks but his feet struggle to find movement as he continues to stare down at sole, speechless for the first time in a long while.

before he could make a move, sole rushes out of the room, not sparing him a second glance. the sound of the door shutting behind him breaks deacon out of his trance, grounding him back to reality.

a tinge of regret pokes at his heart and he silently pushes it away, knowing that this was for the best. he didn’t have feelings for them and it was nothing but the truth.

or so he thought.

the next few weeks are almost a blur for him as his partner goes mia from the commonwealth. the first two weeks, he tries to let it be, convincing himself that sole might’ve needed some time to themselves to sort their feelings out, so he lets them. seeing them might be the last thing they need, so he tries to fight the urge to do so.

yet, as time goes by, the worry in his heart rapidly grows when they’re announced as missing by the minutemen. he grows unnaturally quiet upon hearing their words and feels himself grow weak at the possibilities of what could’ve happened to his partner.

searching far and wide did almost nothing for him and only flared his concern. there was little to no clues of their disappearance and the hope that he would find them sooner or later began to slowly deteriorate.

deacon takes in a deep breath, trying to soothe his mind of all the concern and regret. how could he let it get this bad? why couldn’t he at least check up on them day to day instead of running away?

deep down, he knew the truth of it all. it screamed volumes to him and no matter how much he tried to silence it, it grew louder with every passing second. he avoided sole as much as they avoided him because deacon refused to confront the truth between them both. he never provided closure because he never knew how to.

and the more he refused to face the reality of the situation, the longer the days stretched. he found himself pushing everyone away, spending countless nights with tears streaming down his face, hoping someday sole would just turn up on the railroads doorstep. he didn’t care if they forgave him or not— he just wanted to see them safe.

tonight, he found himself with a bottle in his hand, hunching over the counter as he drank the night. he silently thanked lady luck for landing him in an almost empty bar for no one to catch the state he put himself in. unbeknownst to him, a certain mercenary watched his back from the minute he’s entered the bar till the very last drop of his nth bottle.

“you know, i don’t think that’s a very healthy thing to do.” deacon looked over his shoulder, and though his vision continued to spin, he automatically recognized the annoying face that pestered him.

“let a man ‘ave fun, asshole.” he slurred, trying to push out a grin. maccready rolled his eyes and occupied the seat near deacon, folding his arms.

“i’m serious.” mac pulled the bottle away from his hands, tossing it to the bin nearby.

“hey, i was-!” before he could finish, the mercenary cut him off, not wanting to listen to a word that left his mouth. “do you wanna talk about it?”

his words cut through the facade he tried to pull off and deacon immediately fell silent upon his words. “i know we don’t meet eye to eye all that much, but i hate to see you like this.”

as much as he wanted to lie to his face, continue his said facade, he wasn’t physically able to upkeep that image anymore. it was extremely tiring, especially with everything going on. he let out a sigh and allowed his head to fall on his arms that rested on the table. “you wouldn’ understan’.”

theres a pregnant pause, but he eventually responds. “i don’t, but i could try.”

it takes him a few moments to decide whether or not to confide in someone, especially maccready of all people. to his dismay, the words leave his mouth before he could stop himself from letting it out.

“you won’t tell?” it’s a point of no return— he knows — but for some reason, he doesn’t take it back. was the consequences of actions finally getting to him? probably. he didn’t have time to think as maccready let out a small, but shocked, “of course.”

and so he lets it out— not everything — but enough for maccready to get the message. how it all lead up this point and how it contributed to their disappearance.

“i think i made a mistake.” he says, voice barely a whisper. “i made a huge fucking mistake and i don’t know what to do.”

mac looks down at agent with sympathy, detecting the pain trapped in his voice and sighs, “we all do. it’s just the human in us.”

the rest of his words grow obscured as his eyes droop, the alcohol and sleepless nights finally catching up to him. slowly, but surely, the world blacks out.

it’s almost dreamlike— the feeling of his hair being brushed softly and the way a familiar voice lulls him awake. he lets out a small groan as his head pounds violently from what he hoped was the night before. he thinks it’s all in his head; the soft touches and the soft voice that continued to fall upon his ears. it’s so painfully familiar, yet it couldn’t be but he felt his heart jump at the possibility of it.

“sole?” his eyes shoot open but close back in an instant as the gentle light illuminating from the window cracks filled his vision. his head dips on what seems to be their lap, trying to block it out desperately. he felt the same hand that brushed his locks rest on top of his eyes to protect it from the sunlight that only made his head throb more.

“morning sleepyhead.” upon hearing that sweet sound, tears began to form in his eyes once more. the one person he’s yearned to see for what seemed like centuries was finally within arms reach. just like that, his tears fell effortlessly, collecting in soles hand as it streamed down his cheeks.

“deacon?” before they could remove their hand to reveal the tears spilling from his eyes, he quickly places his hand on top of theirs as a silent request to keep his eyes hidden.

“i’m sorry.” he chokes out, voice cracking through each word that left his lips, “i’m fucking sorry. i-“ he gently squeezed the same hand that rested on top of theirs. sole remained silent, watching as he spoke through ragged breaths. he tried his best to muster out his apologies, thoughts — feelings — through the pounding of his mind.

“everything i said, it was a lie. it was all a fucking lie just to avoid having some kind of attachment in my life. i hurt you because i was scared of facing my fears.”

“lie? scared? deacon, what-,” their words drifted into nothingness as deacon continued on.

“no matter how much i tried to run away from it, i knew i couldn’t. i had feelings for you. feelings more than this partnership that we both agreed to do, more than the best friends we claimed to be.” at this point, his feelings poured through the cracks of his heart and he knew that he would fix it this time, even if sole no longer felt the same way. “i fell for you hard. i was in love with you and i still am, sole.”

after a deep breath, he continued on. “you don’t have to forgive me. you don’t even have to give me the chance to love you properly, i just want you to know i’m sorry. i’m sorry it had to take you to leave from my life for me realize how much this meant to me. how much you meant to me.”

for a moment, it’s still; the air seems tense at first and time seems to freeze. there’s this sense of fear that overtakes his mind for a mere second.

soon enough, time seems to continue on as sole places a soft kiss on his forehead, allowing it to linger for a few seconds. “we’ll talk about this more when you wake up, okay?” they whisper and as reassuring as it sounds, he’s still terrified. terrified that he’ll wake up alone.

“will you be here when i wake up?” he tries to let it out calmly, but there is a hint of panic and unsureness in his voice he couldn’t push away any longer. all of that seems to melt away as sole lets out a small chuckle, his heart swelling with a mix of pain and relief.

“yes.” they reassure, “i��ll be here for as long as you need me.”

he let out a relieved sigh, keeping his hand on top of the one that covered his eyes. for the first time in weeks, everything finally felt right.

“love you, charmer.” before he could hear their reply, he felt himself being pulled into slumber that quietly called his name.

#fallout #fallout 4 #fallout 4 companions react #fallout 4 companions #fallout 4 reacts #fallout fanfiction #fallout reacts #fallout reactions #fallout x reader #deacon/sole survivor #deacon x sole survivor #deacon x reader #deacon #angst #happy ending #one shot

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waitimcomingtoo · 3 years

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touch

chapter four: closure

Synopsis: you love him but you can never touch him

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Series Masterlist and Regular Masterlist

“Op. Timers up.”

You rolled off of Peter and reached for your phone to turn your alarm off, sighing sadly as you did.

“I hate that sound.” Peter groaned as he rolled onto his back. “That sound should be illegal.”

“Well if you feel that strongly about it, you can gather a group of strong willed individuals and start a petition.” You teased him as you sat up.

“Are you sure that was 20 minutes? That went by really fast.” He pouted as he rolled onto his side. He lazily played with your fingers as he looked up at you with puppy dog eyes. You sighed deeply, eyes filling with regret as you pulled your hand away.

“Pete.” You said apologetically. “It was 20 minutes. No more touching.”

Peter nodded in understanding and withdrew his hand, letting it rest on his chest instead.

“It’s not long enough.” He mumbled as he stared out the window. “No amount of time is long enough.”

“I know.” You agreed with him. “But it’s better than how we used to be. At least we get to touch now.”

“For less than half an hour a day.” He grumbled as he sat up, his mood entirely altered now.

“It’s for the best. You don’t even know what I’d do to you if I could touch you all day.” You smiled coyly, trying it bring him back to a good mood as you stood up on your knees and crawled towards him. Peter perked up with a curious gaze as he turned his body to face you.

“What would you do?” He cocked an eyebrow as he leaned towards you but didn’t make contact.

“I’d tell you, but you wouldn’t be able to handle it.” You teased him before swiftly pulling away. Peter groaned and threw a pillow at you before his mood shifted.

“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful.” Peter said apologetically as his eyes softened. “This is so much better than what we were doing before. I would prefer if I had all the time in the world to touch you, but I’ll take my 20 minutes. I’m lucky I get even that.”

You bit your bottom lip and checked your phone, seeing that it was two minutes past your allotted 20 minutes.

“We still have a minute.” You lied, focusing all your self control on not hurting him as you leaned in to kiss him. Peter eagerly kissed you back, rising on his knees to hold you closer to him.

“I love you so much.” He whispered against your lips. “I’m never going back to what we did before.”

“Me either.” You smiled fondly at him as you stroked his face with your thumbs. “Okay, times really up now. No more touching.”

Peter pouted and let go of you before flopping on the bed with a huff.

“No pouting either.” You teased him as you rubbed your aching temples.

“It would be a lot easier to stop touching you if you weren’t so pretty.” Peter chuckled as he watched you get dressed.

“Sorry about that. It’s all my fault.” You sighed dramatically as you pulled your shirt over your head.

“It is.” He nodded repeatedly. “It’s unbearable trying to resist kissing you every time you walk into a room.”

“I know the feeling.” You told him as you looked at him through the mirror on his dresser.

“Don’t look at me like that, peaches.” He warned. “The 20 minutes are up.”

“I know.” You smiled a little sadly. “I’m just looking.”

“I have to get to training.” Peter sighed as he checked his phone. “I’ll see you after, okay?”

“I’ll see you later, lover.” You blew him a kiss. He caught it, despite how corny it was, and held it against his heart.

“You make it so hard to leave.” He whined as he walked up to you, leaning his hands on either side of you but never touching you.

“Go. You don’t want to be late.” You reminded him playfully. “I’ll see you soon.”

“All right.” He jutted his bottom lip out. “Bye.”

As soon as Peter left the room, you ran to the connected bathroom and threw up in the toilet. You brushed your teeth with the toothbrush he had left there before sliding against the wall and putting your head in your hands. Your brain was pounding in your head, as if it had a heartbeat of its own. You rubbed your temples as hot tears of anguish rolled down your face, the pain worsening before going away.

“What’s wrong?” Bruce asked once he noticed the pained look on your face in the living room.

“Nothing.” You shook your head as you sighed. “I just have a headache.”

“Again?” Bruce began to worry. “You’ve been complaining of one all week.”

“Yeah. I don’t know, it’s probably just a cold.” You lied as you adverted your eyes. Bruce didn’t buy into your lies and pressed a hand against your forehead. You immediately jumped back, fearful that you’d hurt him.

“Y/n, you’re burning up.” He really began to worry now.

“Careful, Br. Banner. It’s not safe for you to touch me.” You reminded him as you kept your distance.

“Could I run some labs?”

“Is that necessary?” You asked. “It’s just a headache.”

“You’ve only been using the stun gun once a week right? Like I told you?” He asked making you stop in your tracks.

“Yeah.” You lied. “Just once a week.”

“Alright, good.” He sighed in relief. “I made it with gamma radiation, you know. Too much of that will kill you.”

“Kill me how?” You wondered as your mouth went dry.

“Well, you were born with your powers.” He explained. “Your abilities are a part of your nervous system. Temporarily taking your powers away for 20 minutes holds up with nervous system. Too much radiation will slowly weaken you until you die.”

“Oh.” You nodded slowly. “I see.”

“But once a week is fine.” He assured you. “That shouldn’t do too much damage. It might give you a headache though. Would you mind if I ran some labs?”

“Sure. Whatever you need.” You said quietly as a panic set it. You used the stun gun 7 days a week and you we’re finally feeling the consequences.

“Let’s go.” Bruce escorted you to the lab.

An hour later, you left the lab with an anxious feeling in your tummy. You ran into Peter in the hallway and plastered a fake smile on so he wouldn’t worry.

“There you are.” Peter smiled as he approached you. “I burnt my hand on the oven again.”

“You did?” You worried as you tan to him. “Let me see.”

You took Peters hand in yours and squeezed it but didn’t feel his pain transfer to you.

“That’s weird.” You blinked in confusion. “I don’t feel anything.”

“Hm.” Peter fought a smile. “Weird.”

“You’re such a liar.” You playfully hit him when you realized his trick. “You didn’t burn your hand.”

“No. I just wanted to hold my girlfriends hand. I’m sorry.” He looked at you with his puppy dog eyes, still holding your hand.

��I forgive you but don’t do it again. This isn’t a game, Peter. I could seriously hurt you.” You reminded him. You began to worry he was gonna make a habit out of tricking you to touch him. You were feeling horribly sick, and you were a fast healer. You had no idea what would happen to Peter if you accidentally transferred your pain to him.

“I know.” Peter smiled apologetically. “I think I have a paper cut, though.”

“Where?” You raised an eyebrow, not believing him.

“My lips.” He said sheepishly.

“Uh Uh.” You shook your head teasingly. “Not fooling me, Parker.”

“I thought that would work.” He whined. “Fuck me.”

“Aw, I so would but we already had our 20 minutes today.” You teased him, making his jaw drop.

“That is not what I meant and you know it.” He narrowed his eyes at you. Before you could respond, you heard your name called from behind you.

“Y/n.”

You turned around, your smile immediately fading when you saw Bruce standing there with a frown.

“I’ll catch up with you.” You told Peter before jogging over to Bruce.

“Hi Dr. Banner.” You smiled weakly. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m so sorry.” Bruce whispered, looking incredibly guilty as he held your lab results in his hands.

“What happened?” Your mouth went dry.

“There must be something wrong with the gun. I must’ve calibrated it to disperse more gamma radiation than I intended. Your whole body is full of it. There should not be this much. I don’t know how this happened.” He apologized as a sick feeling settled in your tummy.

“Dr. Banner, it’s okay.” You assured him. “It’s not your fault.”

“It is. I must’ve gotten the calculations wrong or left out a variable or-“

“I use it everyday.” You blurted, cutting him off. Bruce’s face twisted in confusion as he processed what you said.

“What?”

“The stun gun. I use it everyday so I can touch Peter.” Tears came to your eyes as your confession came out. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

“Y/n, your body needs at least a week to recover from a blast of gamma radiation.” Bruce told you. “That’s why I told you to only use it once a week. Your body can’t heal in just a day, even with your enhanced abilities. Every time you use the gun, you make yourself sicker. Your ability to heal quickly is the only thing keeping you alive right now.”

Your jaw locked in fear as the tears fell down your cheeks. You didn’t say anything as you sucked in a shark breath.

“Hey, it’s all right.” Bruce rubbed your shoulder. “My body is full of it too.”

“I’m so sorry. You told me it was dangerous and I did it anyway. I’m so stupid.” You whimpered as you wiped your face on the back of your hands.

“You’re not stupid. I’ve been here before.” Bruce sighed. “I pushed people away, even when I really loved them, because I was scared of hurting them. You’re not a monster for wanting to be loved.”

“Am I gonna die?” You whispered.

“I don’t know.” Bruce answered honestly. “How long have you been doing this?”

“Everyday for the last three months.”

“You should stop for at least 6 months then, and we’ll reassess then.” Bruce advised. You felt the air get knocked out of your chest when Bruce told you you wouldn’t be able to touch Peter again for 6 months.

“Dr. Banner, I can’t go back to how I was before.” You protested. “I can’t do that to Peter.”

“The only other option is poisoning yourself with the radiation until you die. I think Peter will understand.” Bruce told you.

“What about me?” You shrugged sadly. “What if I don’t understand?”

“Go talk to him.” Bruce advised. “Just have a calm, adult conversation.”

“Okay. Calm and adult.” You nodded. “I will.”

You immediately went to Peter’s room and knocked on his door, waiting to enter until he told you to.”

“Hey, peaches.” Peter smiled brightly as you shut the door behind you. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Peter we have to break up.” You blurted out, making Peter sit up and go to the edge of his bed. So much for your calm and adult conversation.

“What?” Peter’s face fell at your words.

“I…I did something really bad.” You shook your hands as you began to panic. You paces around his room as the guilt and anxiety ate away at you.

“Peaches, it’s okay. Talk to me.” Peter reached out to touch you but quickly withdrew his hands when he remembered he couldn’t.

“I lied to you.” You confessed as tears came to your eyes.

“About what?” Peter asked slowly as you stopped pacing.

“Dr. Banner told me I could only use the stun gun once a week. I knew it was dangerous to use everyday but I did it anyway and it’s killing me.”

“Killing you?” Peter’s eyes darkened.

“The radiation. Dr. Banner said if I keep using it, it’ll kill me. I’m so sorry.” You began to cry, wishing more than anything that you could reach out and touch him.

“Then we just won’t use it anymore, peaches.” Peter said calmly. “Not if it’s killing you.”

“But we can’t use it for at least 6 months.” You cried. “You said so yourself, you hated the way we were before. You don’t want to go back. So I’m letting you go. I’m not gonna make you stay in this relationship if we can’t touch each other.”

“Peaches, I don’t love you because I get to touch you.” Peter chuckled softly. “And don’t get me wrong, I love getting to kiss you and hold you, but just being with you is my favorite part. I can go another 6 months without touching you if it means you’re still my girlfriend.”

“But…but you said you’d never go back.” You calmed down long enough to realize Peter wasn’t mad.

“I’d never go back to us being just friends. I can go back to us not touching if it keeps you safe. That’s all that matters to me.” Peter promised you.

“Really?” You asked hopefully.

“Really.” He nodded. “I love you in any way I can have you.”

“I love you too.” You smiled gratefully at him before pulling him into a kiss. In the heat of the moment, you didn’t think about the pain you were holding inside and kissed him deeply. Peter kissed you back for just a moment before you heard a small gasp emit from the back of his throat. You felt him slid off your lips and opened your eyes to see him collapsed on the floor.

“Peter?” You asked as you knelt down beside him. You rolled him over and let out a gasp when you saw how pale he was.

“Peter?!” You shook him aggressively. “Peter?!”

When Peter didn’t respond, you let out a guttural scream for help.

“Dr. Banner!”

Bruce rushed into the room when he heard your scream, stopping shortly when he saw Peter.

“What happened?” He asked as he knelt down beside you.

“No no no the radiation.” You cried as you shook Peter. “I just gave him the radiation.”

“Okay, calm down. Let me get him to the lab.” Bruce instructed as he grabbed Peters feet. You hooked your arms under Peter and helped Bruce carry him to the lab. You laid him on the table and stood anxiously as Bruce hooked Peter up to a monitor.

“You said the only thing keeping me alive was my healing abilities.” You worried as you chewed on your nails. “He doesn’t have that.”

“But he has something like it.” Bruce reminded you. “He’s still enhanced. He might not die from this.”

“Might?” You whispered at the little hope he was able to offer you. Bruce gave you an apologetic look as he continued to work on Peter. You felt useless as you stared at Peter’s lifeless body until you got an idea.

“Wait.” You spoke up. “Let me take his pain. I’ve done it before.”

Bruce was quiet for a minute as he stared at Peter’s monitor.

“He’s not in pain.” He said quietly.

“He has to be. He has to be if I was.” You reasoned.

“Y/n, Peter isn’t in any pain.” Bruce repeated. You realized he had stopped working on Peter and felt a sinking feeling in your tummy.

“Why?”

Bruce looked away from the monitor and took his glasses off for full dramatic effects.

“Because he’s dead.”

“What?” You shrieked as all the color left your face.

“I’m kidding. Was that a bad joke?” Bruce grimaced as you gasped for air. “You can take his pain. It’s just gonna hurt a lot.”

You gave him a frustrated look before placing your hands on either sides of Peter’s face.

“Come on, Peter.” You willed him. “Come on, Spiderman.”

It took a minute, but his pain slowly drew out of his body and into yours. Your veins darkened to a jet black as the radiation seeped back into your body, making you let out a scream.

“Y/n, be careful.” Bruce warned as Peter’s vitals began to improve.

“It’s killing me.” You screamed in agony as the color began to return to his cheeks.

“Because it’s three months worth of radiation at once. You’ve been building it up.” Bruce grimaced when he saw the toll it was taking on you.

“It hurts so bad.” You cried.

“It’s almost all out.” Bruce told you. “Just hold on a little longer.”

“Dr. Banner, I need you to do something for me.” You said breathlessly, your body beginning to shut down.

“What is it?” Bruce asked.

“I need you to recalibrate the stun gun to permanently remove my powers.”

“What?” His eyes widened. “Why?”

“So nothing like this ever happens again.”

“Then you can’t be an Avenger.” Bruce protested.

“But I can be a human being.” You shouted. “I want that more. I want that most.”

“But-“

“Please.” You cried. “Just do it.”

“Okay.” Bruce agreed. “I will.”

“Thank you.” You nodded. “I’m gonna pass out now.”

“Okay.” Bruce told you, but you had already hit the floor.

Once Peter’s vitals were stable, Bruce transferred him to his own room. As soon as he was awake and responsive, you went to visit him.

“Hey.” You greeted Peter in a soft tone as he woke up from a nap.

“Hi peaches.” Peter lit up when you sat on his bed. “I’m surprised you came to see me. I’m…I’m really glad you did.”

“Why wouldn’t I come to see you?” You smiled teasingly

“Dr. Banner told me what happened.” Peter admitted. “I thought you were going to blame yourself for what happened and be too scared to come near me.”

“Are you scared that I’m near you?” You asked him softly as you kept your eyes down.

“No.” Peter shook his head immediately. “I want you to be near me.”

“Good. I want to be near you too.” You chuckled as you laced your fingers through his. Peter looked at your hands in happy shock before giving them a squeeze.

“You’re touching me?” He asked happily.

“After what happened, I had two options.” You explained. “I could’ve shut you out to ensure I never hurt you again, or I could make sure I never hurt anybody again.”

“What do you mean?”

“I had Dr. Banner remove my powers.” You smiled sheepishly. “I told him to take them all away, but he found a way to let me keep the healing aspect. I can still heal, but I can’t hurt.”

“You had him take away your powers?” Peter asked in shock as he sat up straighter. “Why?”

“Because human beings need to be touched.” You shrugged. “I didn’t want to live without that anymore. I didn’t want to be allotted 20 minutes a day to touch the boy I love.”

“You did this for me?” Peter asked fondly as you stroked his cheek with your thumb.

“No.” You shook your head. “I did this for me. I didn’t want to worry anymore. I wanted to be free.”

“So this means…” Peter raised an eyebrow. You nodded a little before leaning in to kiss him, feeling weightless as the fear of hurting him was long behind you.

“It means we get to do this all the time, lover.” You whispered against his lips. “Anytime we want.”

“Anytime we want?” He asked for comfirmation.

“Yup.” You popped the p for emphasis.

“In that case.” Peter raised an eyebrow. “What were you saying before about what I couldn’t handle?”

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1K notes · View notes

justalads · 3 years

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c!niki and c!wilbur enjoyers. pspspspspspsps

alright guys so last night i rewatched pretty much all of the pogtopia arc. and this isn’t meant to be a big, important analysis post (it’s kind of incomprehensible), because my brain is fried from, you know. rewatching pretty much all of pogtopia. but i do have some stuff i’d like to say.

(this also just became a niki meta sorry i love her. i really just got emo about her during the second half of this and it got long. i have a lot of feelings about her and wilbur’s friendship.)

it’s a pretty general conclusion that wilbur’s real “downfall” began on october 8th, during the stream “who are you go away”. of course, his spiral and the process of him losing faith had begun much earlier, more around the end of the first war or during the election. but the big switch, so to say, was definitely here, when as wilbur walks back from schlatt’s announcement, he asks tommy if they’re the bad guys.

this entire scene was so interesting to me. wilbur here is a man who has lost hope, someone who is backed into a corner morally and has nothing left. he points out that they can never really reclaim l’manburg without forever tainting it, and that schlatt knows this. the entire half an hour or so before, schlatt has been taunting wilbur about losing that power. the emphasis of the festival on “democracy” is so clearly a barb thrown at wilbur, and it works.

wilbur’s “nothing left to lose” in this vod is a mirror to niki’s “you know what they say about a woman who has nothing left to lose”. this will not be the first time they mirror each other.

basically, wilbur’s angry. when schlatt announced the festival, wilbur realized that maybe it wasn’t a terrible thing. so once he worked around into the mindset of “we’re the bad guys”, he was able to justify saying he was going to blow up the nation with no remorse. he wants chaos! he wants no survivors!

does he do it? god no.

during the streams leading up to november 16th, wilbur is consistently scared. he goes back and forth on it, and makes multiple “conditions” that determine whether he’s going to do it or not, almost begging someone to stop him. he whispers to himself that he’s scared, that his hands are shaking, that he’s not sure if it’s the right thing to do. because despite what he says about “not caring about any of them”, the instant niki is threatened after tubbo’s death, wilbur walks up to schlatt and tells him that if he’s going to kill anyone it should be him. later, when quackity and tommy talk him down from pressing the button, he can’t press it because they’re there and he can’t bring himself to kill them as well.

but he has no problems with putting his own life at risk. he refuses to wear armor half the time, and actively places himself in harm’s way to save others. he still cares about everyone else, as much as he says he doesn’t. even when he does cause harm to others, during november 16th, he immediately begs phil to kill him. “look, they all want you to.” he can’t live with what he’s done, and how he’s hurt people, but he couldn’t allow manburg to continue.

the man is terrified and angry and he can’t win. and even as he tries to stuff himself into the mind of someone who doesn’t care, he cannot. when he finally does, he cannot live with being that person.

but the reason i rewatched this arc was to see niki’s point of view, especially after her statements during her last stream. i genuinely think that wilbur’s only betrayal of her was pressing the button, because he betrayed everyone. they might have known he was going to do it, but they had faith he wouldn’t.

wilbur cared a lot about niki. her life under schlatt was awful, wilbur hated that she was suffering, and the scene where wilbur plants himself directly in the center of the festival and tells schlatt to kill him instead hits pretty hard. he has the argument with schlatt, and then turns to niki and tells her to run. he then hits people and sprints away, trying to give her time to escape.

this is also when he asks her to join pogtopia, because now that schlatt has said he’d kill her, it’s a safer place for her.

so the man did care about her. niki is angry at the memory of him that she has. it’s been twisted by time and her own grief and paranoia.

in rewatching pogtopia, i realized that a lot of people hate the memory of wilbur. not him, and what he did. they think he didn’t care. and to quote hamilton (apologies):

“history obliteratesit paints me in all my mistakes”

does niki have a right to be mad at him? absolutely. he caused direct harm to her by blowing up l’manburg, once it was reclaimed. but she’s wrong that he never cared.

(an interesting note: wilbur only blows it up after techno starts fighting people outside. he hears it, and says “look, they’re fighting”. he didn’t re-initiate the conflict of the country. the fact that even after peace was won people were fighting just gave evidence to his belief that the entire country was corrupted.)

niki has been hurt a lot, and wilbur has things to answer for. but we as the audience know that her statements are just her perception. she is a character who acts on perceptions. the entire stream was in black and white. during doomsday, upon seeing wilbur log on (as ghostbur), niki has a panic attack and destroys her bakery, trying to rid herself of the pain of the memories. her lines during this stream are chilling, whispered repetitions that are a mirror of wilbur’s end.

(paraphrased, it was long and confusing but there are a few bits and this was the essence of it)

“wilbur is gone. this isn’t happening. he is dead. l’manburg is gone.”“it is real, i am real, he is real and he is dead.”“l’manburg is gone, i am real, i am l’manburg”.

(god. dude i could spend Months analyzing this one stream alone. there’s so much here.)

doesn’t that sound a bit like “my unfinished symphony”? wilbur and niki both attach their own self to the nation they fought for, and can see it as an extension of themself. they both destroy parts of it in acts of fear, attempting to save everyone else from what they’ve made.

what i pulled away from niki’s stream is that she’s not healing. i remember the chamber she locks herself in at night. i remember her refusal to eat. i remember how she was so angry at tommy, and she later realized that anger was misguided. niki genuinely believes that wilbur did not care about her, and that’s not surprising: when he died, she denied the fact that he was gone. she represses the things that she can’t handle, same as lots of other people. it is easier for her to pin her hurt on wilbur, because she needs somewhere to pin it. people feel more in control if they’re angry, not sad.

the song cc!niki said was for her character really emphasizes this. it’s a coping mechanism.

but even condemning wilbur won’t help, because she will still never get closure. niki cares about what others think of her, and so she can’t move on from someone hurting her. she can’t move on because she thinks he hated her. she is angry that he is back, but it is an opportunity for her to heal. she couldn’t heal when he was gone. she’s not the only one with a negative perception of wilbur, after all. he has one too. the two of them really need to talk.

i want niki to be healthy and safe. i want to see her heal so badly, and i do think it will happen. after wilbur died, his betrayal of her stayed with her, and it eventually became her memory of the betrayal that she hated, not the thing itself. it’s been months since it happened. niki wants to find an outlet for her hurt, because she wants to feel better. there’s a pattern i noticed: she only gets mad at people once she hasn’t seen the person themself for a while. and once she sees them and talks to them, and realizes that they care about her and don’t want to hurt her, she stops blaming them for it. she only hates her perception of them. example one? tommy.

man was in exile for a long time, and when he came back he “brought” fighting. that’s how niki saw it. but the fact that after she spent time with tommy (trying to kill him but. details, details) she forgave him because she saw it wasn’t his fault is a really good sign.

i genuinely think that speaking to wilbur will help niki, and it will also help wilbur. after all, they both hate wilbur. the entire perception of wilbur as some heartless, crazy manipulator needs to be shattered for both of their sakes. they both buy into it.

i want niki to know that others care about her, and that she has places she can feel safe. she hates that wilbur is invading the syndicate, because she’s scared of his memory hurting her. i don’t think wilbur will hurt her on purpose, because even though he sees himself as awful, he doesn’t hate her. he never did. usually, with people who have hurt someone else, i want them as far away from the person they hurt as possible. if wilbur does hurt niki i’ll probably cry. but again, it’s not him that hated her, or really him that hurt her in the way she thinks he did. when wilbur was dead, niki didn’t get any better. her memory of him festered and made her feel worse. that’s also why niki killing wilbur or hurting him somehow wouldn’t help her heal. i want wilbur to explain that he didn’t hate her. is wilbur even close to self aware enough to help niki? nah. this is going to take a Long time, and it’s going to hurt.

last thing i swear lol

during niki’s stream, she says that wilbur manipulated her. again, i watched pogtopia last night, and i’ve watched the rest of season one recently as well. i genuinely don’t see it. but i do think i know why she said it.

during season one, wilbur doesn’t manipulate niki. he doesn’t have a chance to later, he’s dead. so then, what is she talking about? of course it’s a perception, same as a lot of her other claims. i think she’s talking about how she cared for l’manburg.

niki joined the server as wilbur’s friend, to join his nation. she grew to care for l’manburg. she devoted herself to it, same as he did. but doomsday showed us that she hates that. in niki’s eyes, l’manburg only brought pain for people, and because she ties herself to it, she hates that she ever cared about it. she can’t allow herself to care for it, because it was used to hurt. so how does she cope with knowing that she once did? she pretends she didn’t.

if she can convince herself that it was wilbur who convinced her to care about l’manburg, she can avoid blaming herself for her own pain. and yeah, she shouldn’t blame herself for it. it’s not her fault. the entire situation is tragic and a little hopeless and once again really makes me hope that she recovers. l’manburg was ruined for her by others. schlatt, techno, dream, wilbur. again another place where she and wilbur are similar: they convince themselves they never cared about l’manburg because of the hurt it caused.

to summarize: wilbur’s going to get a shock soon. don’t know when, but probably the prison visit. something is going to shake his perception, the story is hurtling towards that. once he is able to take responsibility for what he did, and feel safe (because a lot of what he does now is out of fear of being alone or useless), then he and niki need to talk. niki needs something to get her out of her own head. she’s spiraling too. they are essential to each other’s recovery because of how much they meant (and mean) to each other.

anyways i miss early season one niki i liked it when she was happy :(

~ Lad 2

#wilbur #c!wilbur #niki #c!niki #dreamsmp #dsmp #mcyt #rp #long post #dreamsmp analysis #dsmp analysis #revivedbur #pogtopia #lad speaks

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drmmyrs · 3 years

Text

Remember Me (Becca x MC) Part 2

Hiii I’m back. Sorry again for the delay 😬I had such a hard time writing the ending so thank you so much @samanthadalton for all your help 😘Also, a big thanks to M anon for their suggestions and song request which I used some of.

tag list: @samanthadalton @crazzyplays @uselesslesbianfr @baexpoppy @alexroyard @alexlabhont @veenast @noixngn @sillyandcutewizardstuffs @doey-eyes8 @itszdavenport (If you wanna be added or removed or just prefer a certain ship just let me know ❤️)

Read Part 1

Pairing: Becca x MC (Emily)

Warnings: some swearing

Word Count: 2289

It's been an hour since Emily last came into my room to remind me of my doctor's appointment. And it's been about thirty minutes since I've been ready to go, physically at least. Naturally, I tried to get Chris to come with me instead because he's my boyfriend, right? Ughh fine, ex-boyfriend. But can you blame me, though? How am I suppose to move on when I literally have no memory of some sort of breakup or closure? I stare at the dull beige-colored ceiling, a view which has me panicking in the mornings right after I wake up, before I remember that I don't live at the sorority house anymore. I then close my eyes and get comfort in the memories I have left, my only anchor on the reality I knew, away from this freakish place with the people I don't even give a shit about.

After a couple more minutes, I begrudgingly get up with a groan and trudge downstairs, finding Emily waiting on the couch. She smiles upon seeing me, but I don't return the gesture, being genuinely annoyed at the prospect of having to spend an incessant amount of time with her. So instead, I walk past her towards the door, my heels clattering on the wooden surface. Emily then follows behind me from a distance, careful not to invade my space. Once outside, I walk straight towards the passenger door of Emily's junk of a car, grabbing the handle as I glare at Emily impatiently, waiting for her to unlock it. As soon as unlocked, I sink into the seat, slamming the door close harder than I intended. Emily, though, takes a second before going in, eyeing the seat suspiciously as if it might shatter anytime. Once seated, she places her hand on the gear stick, slightly trembling. And then it dawns on me, I may have forgotten about the accident, but it's probably still fresh from her memory, terrorizing her at every reminder. All this time, I've been complaining about how unfair everything is for me, not once considering how it may have affected her.

"Who was driving?" I ask. It may not be the best thing to talk about right now, but I have to know.

I see Emily flinch at the question, and before she even opens her mouth, I know. She looks out the windshield, her voice cracking when she replies, "I was."

I nod. My mom told me it was a drunk driver running a red light that hit us, so I don't blame her at all, not anymore.

"Is it–" The words come out sharp, so I stop and soften my voice. "Is it the first time you drove since?"

Emily doesn't reply immediately; instead, she shifts the gear and steps on the gas pedal as we begin to make our way towards the hospital. She grips the steering wheel tightly, anxiously looking at the road, her eyes obsessively sweeping for any oncoming traffic at every intersection.

"No. No it's not but..." Emily trails off, her knuckles turning white as her grip on the steering wheel tightens.

But it's her first time to drive with me in the car. I turn my head to look out the window, knowing full well I can't ease her fears. How can I when I'm the living reminder of everything she lost?

---------

I immediately regret my outfit choice as soon as we get into the waiting room, the frigid temperature biting at my skin, sending sharp pains like that of a needle across my exposed skin. I try to play it cool, but a shiver escapes my body, desperate for any source of heat. A few seconds later, a jacket appears in front of me, held by Emily who is wearing an annoyingly cute little smile on her face. I mumble thanks and take the jacket, placing it over my shoulders, smelling the scent of lavender as I bask in the comfort of heat.

I take out my phone and browse my socials, catching up on all the events I missed–or forgotten–while ignoring the get well soon messages from both people I know and don't know that have been piling up ever since the accident. A few minutes later, the doctor calls my name, and as I stand up, Emily does as well but then sits back down almost immediately, clearly unsure if her company is welcome.

I roll my eyes. "Come on."

---------

After a useless consultation–apparently, they can't do much to help me regain my memories–Emily suggests we stop by an ice cream parlor not far from here. I assent, but only because I need the comfort of a sugary snack right now, and it's been ages since I had one, or at least I think so.

We reach a store I don't recognize, replacing an office space that, while I never paid attention to before, was a pleasant fixture in my reality, not this... eyesore. I shake my head; I can't keep living in the past. I follow Emily into the store, reminding myself that this is my reality now.

Inside, the floor is patterned with alternating pink and black tiles, and the walls are coated with somewhat fresh pink paint adorned with decors that scream ice cream as if one might stumble into the shop looking for lunch or something.

"Welcome t–ah Emily and Becca! I haven't seen you girls in a while."

I turn around to see a guy, probably in his mid-twenties– smiling at us like... I shoot Emily a side-eye. She, of course, fails to mention that the guy working here is buddy-buddy with me. So, is this the kind of couple we were? Those who frequent an ice cream parlor enough to be on a first-name basis with the ice cream guy? I internally groan in disgust at the thought.

"–Becca." I'm pulled out of my thoughts when I hear my name. Emily and the ice cream guy are looking at me expectantly.

"Sorry I didn't hear," I mumble.

"You'll be having strawberry, your usual, correct?" says the guy with a wide smile.

I do want strawberry, but I shake my head and say, "Vanilla," just to spite him, annoyed how some stranger knows my favorite ice cream flavor.

"Ooh, trying something new today, are we? One rocky road and vanilla coming right up," he announces in an annoyingly high pitch voice. I struggle not to roll my eyes.

"Where's the bathroom?" I ask, which is met by a look of confusion followed by a laugh.

"You know wh–"

Emily quickly interjects, "The bathroom's there, Becca," pointing at a door at the back of the store.

I excuse myself and go to the bathroom, heading straight towards the mirror. I stare at my reflection, nitpicking every tiny detail that has changed throughout the years, changes I don't recognize at all. A tear rolls down my cheek, but I quickly wipe it away. I'm Rebecca fucking Davenport; I don't cry. I grip the sink tightly, overcome with a new resolution. I know who I am; they don't, convincing myself more than anyone else.

Once finishing up in the bathroom, I head back outside, noticing a different aura in the room. Emily is holding our orders with an apologetic look while the ice cream guy regards me with pity, something I've grown used to in the past few weeks. I take my ice cream from Emily, not meeting her gaze, and walk out of the store, striding ahead of her towards the car, not once looking back.

--------

On the ride home, silence weighs heavily between us as Emily bites at her lower lip, either contemplating what to say or waiting for me to go off on her. After an awkward amount of time, Emily finally breaks the silence.

"I'm sorry I–"

"Forget about it," I cut her off, too exhausted to engage with her. I think about the previous encounter, wondering if that would be my norm. Unfamiliar people coming up to me, sharing inside jokes and anecdotes while I stare blankly at them, wondering if I should explain my situation or just ignore them, being the bitch I know I am. I stare out the window, seeing all the changes in the city, musing about the memories I may have had alongside them, memories that I may or may not recover. It's as if an impostor had been living my life for the past two years, and now I'm forced to follow in their footsteps. It's obvious I had changed a lot during those years, my previous enemies becoming my closest friends, my greatest rival supposedly becoming the love of my life. Was she the love of my life? Was I happy with Emily?

It's already dark outside when we arrive home. I notice a few cars parked down the road, something unusual considering this is the only house for at least a couple of blocks. What do I know, though, it's not like I remember much about this place. I turn my attention back to the house; the lights inside are turned off, leaving a lone street lamp and the car's headlights as the primary sources of light, accentuating the jagged grey bricks of the house, almost giving an appearance of something sinister. This is ridiculous; I chide myself for being scared of a stupid house.

Emily walks ahead towards the door while I follow a few steps behind. As soon as I walk inside, the light turns on, and I'm greeted by a chorus of surprise echoing throughout the house, coming from people whom I only recognize half of. I stare at them blankly, unimpressed but just mostly confused. My mother walks over to me and gives me a big hug.

"Happy birthday, sweetie."

Birthday? I inconspicuously look at my phone. Huh. I could've sworn I've seen the date today at least a few times. A few moments later, Emily steps forward with a cake in her hands.

"Happy birthday babe," she says, immediately followed by a look of horror. "Becca. Sorry."

Of course Emily had planned this. It doesn't really matter if I wanted to have a stupid party. She had to go ahead and decide for me.

"Go ahead and blow out the candles," my mom urges.

I blow out the candles, faking a smile for my mom. As much as I want to storm into my room, I'm not about to break my mom's heart by causing some unnecessary drama.

--------

Just a few moments into the party, and I'm already exhausted–people lining up to greet me, asking how I've been doing since the accident. I realize that most people here don't know about my condition, which means I have had to engage in quite a few conversations about the things I've supposedly been doing for the past few years, things I have no recollection of, to which I gave vague answers to avoid having to explain everything.

I down my fourth glass of virgin cuba libre, eyeing the display of alcohol with contempt, resentful that I can’t drink because of the medicine I took earlier, when Zack drags me across the room to play some truth or dare with a bunch of people, some of whom I don't recognize. Thankfully, if there was one thing the sorority has taught me, it's that you don't have to know someone to ask the right questions or expertly avoid the common ones. That is of course until someone asks you the most unexpected question.

"Do you have a date for the wedding yet?"

I stare at them blankly, fumbling for words. Wedding?

"I–I–"

But before I can make up an answer, Kaitlyn arrives with Emily in tow, and that's when I notice it, the ring on Emily's finger. I gasp for breath, feeling like the air is taken out of my lungs. And I almost don't notice it when Kaitlyn takes out her guitar and starts singing, joined by the others.

When all the tears are rolling down your face And it feels like yours was the only heart to break When you come back home and all the lights are out And you're getting used to no one else being around

Oh, oh, I'll be there

I look at the unfamiliar faces, singing their hearts out, gazing at me fondly. I then turn my gaze to Emily's ring finger, and sitting on it is a small but glistening diamond and part of me chastises myself for not noticing earlier. I feel the entire room’s eyes on me and suddenly, it becomes too much for me to withstand. I stand up, scrabbling to go to my room, footsteps following behind me. Once I got on the stairs, Emily shouts my name from behind, and I stop at the sound of her voice, turning around.

"We were engaged? Why didn't you tell me?" My voice comes out harsher than expected and it seems to take Emily by surprise too because she just stands there motionless, speechless. “Marriage is a big thing Emily, that’s not something you can just conveniently not tell me.” I let out a frustrated groan, momentarily letting the anger wash all over me before I’m left with a bitter feeling in the pit of my stomach. “I’m sick of having random people tell me things about my life which I can’t even remember when my own fianc–” I stop, not even being able to say the word, shaking my head as the agony brought by my predicament proves to be too much. “I can’t do this. I'm sorry," I croak before running towards my room, slamming the door behind me. I then curl myself in bed as the tears fall freely.

#becca #becca davenport #becca x mc #the freshman series #playchoices #my work #my writing #my fanfics #request

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chibiwritesstuff · 4 years

Note

Hey! May I ask for Malleus and Lilia being hesitate to start a relationship with the mc because of their long life span? And also welcome to the fandom!

Σ(°ロ°) You probably didn't ask for angst but this is just such a good angst prompt and I LOVE writing angst more than anything so I hope you don’t mind. I might have gone overboard with it though. If you do want a happy ending instead don’t hesitate to tell me! Thank you! Everybody’s so nice in this fandom.

Also, stan Lilia. Man, I simp for this old man so much.

Pairings: Malleus Draconia x Reader, Lilia Vanrouge x Reader.

Now, let’s depart enter this twisted wonderland~

“Tsunotaro, I think I have fallen for you.” You quietly said warmth spreading across your cheeks. “Will you let me stay by your side till the last breath I take?”

That was a few nights ago, and he left you without giving a reply. Instead of saying anything, he instead returned to the confines of his room and hid. While Sebek was glad he’s back Lilia sensed something in him that he asked the younger fae to leave the future king be. Now, all he can do is watch you from afar as you share your smiles and laughs with your peers from Heartslabyul.

Oh, how I miss hearing that laugh of yours… He can’t but think as he kept his gaze at you.

You two stopped meeting each other ever since. Well, more like you change your course of direction the next night you saw each other. He can remember clearly how tired your eyes look, how you’re ready to cry one more second you stay in his presence. You merely bowed your head and walked straight in Ramshackle Dorm.

“Lilia, what should I do?” He cried that night. “My only friend, the only one who understands me outside of our family… has left me.”

“Humans are quite delicate creatures, Malleus.” The older fae answered, pity evident in his eyes. “From the sound of it, the trust that you two have has been severed from your actions.”

“I want to stay by their side, I want to keep talking to them, laugh with them.” He continued wallowing in his sorrow as he remembers all the times you two spent on each other's side.

“Tell me, Malleus.” Lilia made him sit upright and face him eye to eye. “Do you reciprocate their love?”

It's not that he doesn’t return your feelings, far from it. He loves you more than anything in the world. Yet, the thought of him living on as you age and eventually dying scares him. He’s tired of being left behind, of losing things he deeply cares for and living on without them by his side. Fears that clouded his judgment that night which lead to the pain twisting in his heart for not being able to be near you anymore.

Time is but a blink of an eye for his species but who would have thought that it could feel this agonizingly slow as well. What he thought had been years already is merely but a day… without you by his side. Just one conversation, that’s all he wants. He wants the normalcy of his days with you to be back. So, imagine his joy when you approached him with a smile once more.

“Tsuno – I mean, Malleus.” He frowned when you refrained to use the name you had lovingly given him. The pain in his chest returning even greater than before. “I have great news to share.”

“No need to call me by my name. You’re more than welcome to call me Tsunotaro as you please.” Please, call me Tsunotaro again. Call me with that love you have for me. “What is this news?”

“Crowley has found a way to send me back home!” You grinned as he felt his heart shatter into pieces, eyes widening in disbelief. “I can finally go back home! Everybody’s heading to the Hall of Mirrors to send me off.”

“Is that so…” He can't breathe. The pain is too much even though you’re finally talking to him again…you’re smiling at him again. “Then allow me to send you off as well.”

“Alright! Let’s go then!” You took his hand and guided him to your destination.

How warm. He can’t help but think so. I would love to hold your hand forever and never let you go.

You two arrived and you let go of his hand to greet the others. Farewell speeches were made, tight embraces, and souvenirs from each dorm handed to you. You grinned as you accepted everything given to you. Alas, it’s time for you to leave and you stepped in the mirror. The moment you’re gone, the mirror cracked, signifying that your departure is a point of no return here. He stood still as everybody slowly left the Hall of Mirrors until he’s the only one left. His eyes began watering as everything that happened finally sinks in. The now cracked mirror mockingly reflecting his broken image. You left, returned to your world facing forward with a bittersweet smile… and he let you go without answering your confession.

“Then the least you can do is give her closure.”

“(y/n), I too have fallen deeply in love with you…” Tears flowed endlessly as he gave his reply to no one. “So please…”

Will you stay by my side till the last breath you take?

“Isn't it better to have a few years filled with love than have a lifetime worth of what-ifs?” You cried as he rejected your confession to him before running away towards your dorm.

“(y/n), it's nice seeing you here.” Lilia’s smile faltered a little as you hesitantly smiled back before leaving as fast as you can.

Day by day, you both tried to initiate conversations with each other without being too tense. He can tell how you’re forcing yourself to talk to him like nothing happened and it hurts the both of you. Both wanting the pain to end yet now willing to let go of what little interaction you have. He tried to distract himself by performing his duties as Diasomnia’s vice-leader, cooking food, even go as far as reading history books that he knew the true version of said history. All to dull the pain he feels as soon as his thoughts drift towards you.

Why did you have to have such a short lifespan? He kept asking himself as he leafed through a book he’s holding. I would love nothing more but to stay by your side and start a family. A simple life with you… how nice it sounds.

But he can’t fathom the idea of existing without you by his side once your time in the world expires. He’s more than happy to love you with all his being but he can’t help but hesitate as he thinks of the future ahead of you two. A few more days have passed and the two of you had officially stopped talking to one another. It was merely by chance that he spotted you talking with his son. He was on his way towards the light music club room to distract himself once more. Against his better judgment, he eavesdropped at your conversation with Silver.

“I envy you, Silver.” You spoke with such sadness that Silver can’t help but pat your head. “Despite you being human as well, Lilia chose to keep you by his side.”

“He truly does love you,” He reassured as you slowly began to shed tears. “He just doesn’t want to live without you by his side when the time comes.”

“And look at what happened instead.” You scoffed as you wiped your tears harshly. “I can’t even bear talking to him without being reminded that I’m not important enough to be able to stand by his side till my last days.”

“(y/n)…”

“I thought since he has you, he knew that this will happen and he’d rather treasure those few years with people he loves than just leaving them be.” Your eyes, tired and dull from the emotions swirling in your heart and mind. “Tell me, am I too foolish for clinging on that little hope back then?”

“No, you only followed what you felt was right.” He dropped his hand to his lap and looked down the ground. “Sometimes things just don’t happen the way we want it.”

“Thank you, Silver. No offense on your situation with Lilia though.” You smiled in defeat before standing up and dust off your clothing. “Please do keep your promise to me.”

“As much as I’m against it, I understand.” Silver sighed as he stood up as well. “Farewell, (y/n). Please don’t forget about us when you return home.”

Lilia froze as hopelessness settled in him. You’re leaving not just him but everybody else. He silently left the area and walked aimlessly as his feet somehow managed to bring him back to his room. His body felt colder than ever, body stiff and eyes wide at the realization of his fears. His fears of you leaving him behind as he will keep living his immortal life. Except, instead of through death, you’ll return to where you truly belong.

But, you also belong by my side…right?

He can’t help but laugh bitterly at his situation. He knew this would happen one day. He accepted this since that dreadful day he rejected you. So why…

“You’re right, (y/n).” For the first time in his immortal life, he shed tears and let out a scream of agony.

I’d rather spend a few years filled with love with you than live my immortal life filled with what-ifs about what we could have been.

#twisted wonderland malleus #malleus draconia #twst malleus #malleus x reader #malleus draconia x reader #lilia vanrouge #twisted wonderland lilia #twst lilia #lilia vanrouge x reader #lilia x reader #angst #twst angst #requests are open #stan lilia #simp for lilia

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hotchley · 3 years

Note

For your 500 thing: 4 from the angst list with Hotch and anyone else, platonically? I like the prompts you've chosen too. Very angsty haha

Hehe thank you! I chose Reid, because it worked so... yeah. This is not to be seen as me infantilising Reid or as H Crit because it's not. People say things they don't mean when they're hurting. There will come a time when Reid doesn't hesitate and Hotch forgives himself. It's just not written here.

It went over 1.5k... let's just ignore that. Umm... Set sometime between Nameless, Faceless and Haunted. There's no real comfort.

4: "shut up! please. just shut up."

Trigger Warnings: past child abuse, intrusive thoughts, references to canon-typical events and violence

read on ao3!

With hindsight, moving Spencer to the same hospital as Aaron was not the smartest idea the BAU had ever had. Not when traumatic and painful events caused them to react in opposite ways. When Spencer was hurt, he didn't stop talking, so terrified that if there was even the slightest indication that he was weak, everyone would leave. And when Aaron was hurt, he completely shut down, still scared that making his existence known would lead to hurt.

But at the time, they had only been thinking of Derek. He had been running himself ragged, trying to manage the BAU in Aaron's absence, and caring for both his teammates who were in different hospitals, because he was coincidentally, the only person that either of them would listen to.

Perhaps they were more alike than anyone gave them credit for.

So Spencer was moved into the same room as Aaron, because when the team came, they came to see both of them, and it was apparently good for the two patients to socialise with each other and try to maintain their bond. At least, that was what everyone said to them. In reality, it was just easier to only have to have certain conversations once. Especially the ones about Foyet.

Because even though both of them would be out of the field for a while, and had lost so much of the independence they prided themselves on, the situations were not the same and they never would be. Spencer had been shot in the leg trying and succeeding in saving a man, and the perpetrator had been arrested. He had gotten justice.

Aaron had been stabbed nine times in his home, the place he had a right to feel safe in, by a man so evil that there was no chance of ever reasoning with him. Foyet had gotten away, and he'd taken Haley and Jack with him. The only people Aaron seemed to live for, were gone. He hadn't gotten any sort of closure. Nobody seemed to understand that, because everyone kept saying him and Spencer could relate to each other. But they couldn't. And he was sick of hearing it.

But he tried to hide that bitterness. Spencer wouldn't have been shot if he had been there. He would have been the extra set of eyes needed to finish the letters, and they would've worked it out sooner. They would've all been fine, if he had done anything other than frozen when the bullet wedged itself in the wall beside his hair, close enough to make his ear ring painfully. His anger was irrational, and the result of trauma. Everyone else understood his emotions were all-consuming and overpowering, but he didn't. To him, the anger and resentment were just another sign he was becoming his father.

He wasn't. But he would never allow himself to believe that.

Spencer knew that his and Hotch's situations were different. That Hotch blamed himself for what had happened to Haley and to him. That Hotch was hiding how he truly felt, probably to protect him. That things were going to explode sooner rather than later. He just didn't know how much sooner than expected it would end up being.

Rossi had swung by in the morning, and that visit had set Aaron on edge. Rossi was trying to help, he was, but his method of doing it wasn't helpful. It never had been. Not for someone like Aaron, who needed something that was not his best friend telling him how the BAU had been fine without him. Or how the children seemed to be fine. Or how victims could recover.

When Rossi left, Reid took the crutches beside his bed and hobbled over to sit in the chair that he'd vacated. They had both been encouraged to try and be mobile without going beyond their limit. Only Spencer had listened.

"If you want him to stop talking, you can always tell him," he said gently.

Aaron turned away. "He's just trying to help."

"But he's not. I think we can all see it."

"Spencer, I don't know what you're trying to do but-"

"I don't care if you resent me. I care that you're lying."

"I'm not lying."

"Really? So if I asked you whether or not you resent me, you could look me in the eye and say you don't? If I asked you whether you blame yourself for my injury, you would say no, and mean it? If I asked you who was responsible for Haley and Jack going into WitSec, you would say Foyet? If I asked you how you feel, would you say hopeless and angry? Would you?" He snaps.

Aaron stares, and Spencer feels the heat rise to his cheeks. Hotch is still his superior.

"I'm sorry, that was out of line."

"No, it's- you're right. I am lying. But-" he swallows, unused to being so vulnerable, especially with someone like Spencer, "I have to. Lie that is. I can't be honest. Not about this. Not with these feelings."

"Why? You've been put through horrific trauma. I think you're entitled to feel like shit. I feel like crap."

Aaron looks at Spencer, in all his hopeful innocence, and understands the subtle invitation to be honest for once in his life. To let someone else save him. To have a normal conversation, with no ulterior motives or secret conditions. To have someone just care for him because they love him, not because they want anything in return. It's that final realisation that makes him take a leap of faith.

"Because if I let myself feel the anger, I will never stop, and then I will never be any better than my father." The words taste like failure, and he hates himself for saying them as soon as they leave his mouth. Who is he, to do this to a subordinate? To make someone else take responsibility for his issues? He wants to take the words back as soon as realisation dawns on Spencer, but he can't.

All he can do is close his eyes, and pretend he is somewhere else where whatever comes next cannot touch him.

"You know those thoughts don't determine who you are," Spencer says, and nothing about his tone has changed. He still cares about Aaron. Aaron, who has to blink back tears because he always forgets how many terrible things this boy has seen.

He tries to tell Spencer to stop, that he doesn't deserve to be called a good person, but the words won't come.

"I can tell you don't believe me. Well let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a FBI agent that panicked so much during their gun qualification that they failed. And the man that had been practicing them, who had every right to lash out, just nodded and asked if it was his fault. If there was anything he could do to help. And then he trusted that agent with his life. Without hesitating," Spencer said. It felt like he was talking to Henry.

Aaron needs him to shut up. He cannot hear this story. It is his life, so he knows how it ends, but he cannot hear that ending right now. Not when the loss of his family is still so raw and painful. Not when it consumes his every waking moment.

"And after the case was over, he raced to the hospital, and he stayed in the waiting room until his son was born because he refused to leave his wife for a second longer than necessary, even though she had given her blessing multiple times for him to go save people. She said that he changed more nappies during his paternity leave than most men do in their lives."

"Spencer-" Aaron manages to say.

"Abused children can break the cycle. They have broken the cycle. They continue to do so. You said that once. Do you remember? You told Vincent Perotta that not every victim goes on to become a killer. Because some grow up to catch them and you are one of them, you just-"

"Shut up! Please. Just shut up." He doesn't mean to shout. He doesn't mean to make Spencer flinch. He doesn't mean to sound angry. He doesn't mean to say the words. He doesn't mean to do any of those things, but he does, and he won't ever forget how terrified Spencer looks.

He did that. He did that, with nothing more than his words, and he cannot believe what he has done, but he has, and it's a terrible thing. And everything Spencer just said has been disproved. Everything.

"I'm sorry," Spencer whispers, turning away.

"No. No, please don't be sorry. You've not done anything wrong. Spencer, look at me. Please. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean-"

"Yes you did. Don't lie to me."

And Aaron has lied about enough. He won't lie anymore.

"I am sorry," he says, even though it won't ever be enough.

Spencer smiles slightly, but then he goes over to his own bed. He closes his eyes, and pretends to sleep. He carries on pretending when Aaron walks over for the first time in three days, and kisses his forehead, much like he always does for Jack. He carries on pretending as Aaron sighs, and whispers an explanation too honest for repetition.

Aaron truly is sorry. Spencer truly does forgive him. The words are never said again, not to him, but that's the worst part. No matter what either of them do, Spencer will always remember and hesitate, and Aaron will never forget or forgive himself.

#hotchley's 500 #sam <3 #platonic hotchreid #tw child abuse #tw intrusive thoughts

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meeko-mar · 3 years

Text

Here's some pain;

Obviously this is way more fic fodder than an actual prediction of any sort,

What if, when Katsuki starts really going after Izuku do get through to him, and he gets Izuku pinned down...And Izuku still tries to get him to leave him alone.

What if he thinks that it will... drive Katsuki away to confess his feelings?

TW for feelings of internalized homophobia, and I guess perceived notions of homophobia?? Izuku is basically afraid of his feelings, as usual.

As part of the whole idea that he's suppressing, and sort of has internalized homophobia against his crush on Kacchan...So he assumes the logic that if he's afraid of his own feelings, Kacchan would probably be disgusted, enough to give up on him, to leave him. Or at least shatter his concentration enough for Izuku to escape. It will hurt, and it's his last resort, but if he wants Kacchan to keep his distance, he might have to just do it. Because he does love Kacchan and needs to keep him safe. (and he has tried literally everything else to get his classmates off him, to no avail)

So he screams it, right into Katsuki's face, because again, he's been pinned.

"Don't you get it?? I love you!! I always have!" He cries. "That's why I can't be near you!! My feelings are only going to get you killed!!" (he has related this to the rest of the class already, but this instance is specially for Katsuki, insert a mess of Izuku's emotions about Kacchan nearly dying for him once already)

But instead of disgust, and letting him go, Katsuki keeps a hold of him, and his eyes change. At first he is a bit blindsided, but quickly resumes his resolve.

"You...Asshole!!" Katsuki growls, also in Izuku's face. "So what, You want ME to have to Watch YOU fucking die instead cause you won't let anyone fucking help you?! Is that better? That's somehow ok?!"

"You fucking love me?? Bullshit!" (stay with me here)

"If you love me so fucking much, why don't you fucking act like it!! Why don't you think about how I feel watching you drive yourself into an early fucking grave like everyone who came before you!?"

His fists clench tighter around Izuku's tattered costume as tears start streaming down his own cheeks in the rain.

"What about how I feel about you, huh!? You think you're too good to wanna stick around long enough to find out??"

Izuku is obviously SHOOK(his ploy didn't work?? Kacchan isn't rejecting him?? Or is he?? What is happening here, he did not account for this response...)

Eventually they manage to wrangle him up. Take him home.

Katsuki hovers as he heals, making sure he doesn't bolt again. He seems to be looking at him with brand new eyes, though Izuku knows he's being considered a flight risk and thinks that might be the soul reason... but also there seems to be another new context to the look of those red eyes.

They have conversations, calmer, but they still skirt around *those feelings*, pretty awkwardly. The whole class can tell what's going on, too(I imagine that they at least heard the tail end of when Katsuki was yelling at Izuku about it)

Anyway, Izuku reluctantly...very reluctantly, agrees to work with UA and his friends. With many, many discussions that pretty much amount to Intervention and THERAPY talks with all involved(and after a lot of rest to get into a better mindset), he realizes how terribly they were worried about him, and are still worried. And eventually, that it's not fair to shut them all out when they are trained as much as he is and deciding for themselves to be involved.

He still doesn't like it, he is still terrified...He still believes/knows he's got to keep searching for AFO...but now accepts that his friends are going to try to help no matter what he says and accepts their help, accepts Katsuki's help. AM comes back and they make up, and AM ALSO tells him to make sure he's ok before taking care of everyone else again.

As Izuku slowly adapts to having a home base and becomes less of a flight-risk, Katsuki's still always lingering in the background, or acting by his side, like his right-hand man. I think once more paralleling the Second watching over Yoichi.

Izuku honestly can't tell what Katsuki actually thinks about the whole love confession, and he's actually afraid to ask and open that pandora's box again. So for a while he acts like it didn't happen. It all feels surreal and like it could have all been a panic-induced fever dream for all he knows.

But, unbeknownst to Izuku, the reason Katsuki isn't really saying anything is because he's actually kind of assessing his own feelings. He knows he cares deeply about Izuku... but is it love, is it THAT kind of love? Can he properly even return those feelings, does he deserve to?? And then again, he's ALSO questioning if Izuku was genuine about his love confession or if it was some sort of fake out to get him to leave him alone or shock him. And if it was, he'd feel really stupid and pretty hurt if he came to confess only to be rejected by Izuku. (which, might happen anyway, because Izuku's still terrified that his love is going to get Katsuki killed)

Anyway, he's read Izuku horribly wrong in the past before, so he wants to really make sure he's reading the signals right.

The kids in their class, while obviously occupied with patrols, the ongoing tension of AFO lurking out there, communicating with the Heroes and the International reinforcements, etc etc, are absolutely AGGRAVATED by these two dancing around the issue, and for not giving all of the tea-seeking kids of their group closure after that dramatic day where they had fought Izuku and the two of them had SCREAMED at each other about feelings. (again)

Like even Ochako tries to (gently) get the truth out of Izuku cause she knows how crazy it can be to have a crush when you're preoccupied with saving the world.

Maybe one night Katsuki and Izuku are out, I'm thinking high up where they can see UA grounds...Maybe the roof of the building? Perhaps doing a look-out patrol.

And they start TALKING.

Katsuki straight up starts the conversation because he knows, and we all know, that Izuku would be tight-lipped about it still. He just straight up says "So are you ever going to tell me what the hell you meant that day?"

Izuku FREEZES, but he decides he's probably avoided this for long enough...can't put it off forever.

Katsuki looks at Izuku and finds him looking so, so insecure, confused, and grimacing with a blush as he looked away.

"Oi, Deku." He startles Izuku, "Were you....Were you lying to me?"

Izuku looks so bewildered by Katsuki's new tone. There's a hint of insecurity in his voice

"Sorry--I'm sorry... I shouldn't have...I shouldn't have said it like that," Izuku fumbles with the words. "I used those words to try to push you away...I thought you'd hate me, and if I could get you to hate me, you'd let me go, and I was so scared, and it was a really really desperate strategy..." he's doing his trademark muttering by now as panic sets in.

Katsuki steps closer, eyes burning with intensity as he looms over him. "But was it a lie."

"It was the wrong moment, for the wrong reason...But..." Izuku sucks in breath and feels his heart hammering. Forces himself to meet his eyes with Katsuki's. "It wasn't a lie."

Katsuki's eyes widen, and they both kind of stall in the moment as it all settles in and the wind blows between them.

"I'm sorry," Izuku blurts, and blushes furiously, starting to turn away. "I shouldn't have pushed this on you," He's giving in to his instinct to bolt.

Katsuki catches him by the wrist. Izuku turns, and meets Katsuki's smoldering eyes again. "Don't you go running off without hearing what I think again, damn nerd. Last time it nearly got you killed."

He runs a hand through is hair and looks away, and by now is also blushing. "Dammit. I'm still trying to figure out how to be around you. I'm still trying to relearn how to be your friend...At least, a friend who's actually worth a shit."

Izuku nods quietly, they've also had their discussion on their past/Katsuki's apologies by now, so Izuku is understanding of where Katsuki's feelings are coming from.

"And...Deku, you dumbass, why would I hate you for that??" Katsuki glares. Izuku flinches a bit.

"Well I..." Izuku mumbles. "It's obvious, right? I thought you'd be grossed out... I'm not a...Neither one of us is..."

"Not what, a girl!?" Katsuki scoffs. "Since when does that fucking matter?? You don't decide what the Hell grosses me out, Deku. " Izuku looks at him, SHOCKED, but his eyes shining.

The hand that has him by the wrist squeezes just gently, and feels really warm.

Katsuki sighs, and looks downward. "As long as you're not lying to me about something like that. Don't ever fucking lie about this kinda shit."

He finally looks at Izuku again, eyes large and shining. His hand pulls Izuku forward just gently.

"I don't know...Fuck...Give me time...Okay? There's still a lot I gotta do before I can..." He cuts off, still blushing and wrestling with the emotions. but the remaining words 'before I can say it back' basically hang, unsaid, in the air between them.

"But you gotta promise me you won't go and get your stupid ass killed before I get the chance, got it, nerd?!" Katsuki adds hastily.

Izuku feels his eyes start to burn as the warmth wells up inside him, and a smile spreads across his glowing face. He laughs a bit, feeling the nerves bubbling over, paired with a sudden sort of relief. Kacchan doesn't hate him for what he said, and even might return the feeling. What a good feeling. The best thing in a while. If not all the more terrifying.

"Okay, Kacchan" Katsuki blushes at how stupidly cute it looks for the light to be returning to Izuku's eyes, and that dumb smile lighting up freckled cheeks...Something that the Katsuki of a few weeks ago would have given anything in the world to see, right there in front of him.

Feeling the urge to bring back their previous mood, Katsuki grunts some sort of quasi-insult, like, "Don't get any more weird, backwards ideas like that, Deku. I'll kick your ass."

Izuku laughs again, But then suddenly, everything is ruined; A massive jolt to his head strikes him and he suddenly withdraws his hands from Katsuki, clutching his head and doubling over.

Danger Sense.

"Deku! Hey!" Katsuki grips him by the shoulders(partially in panic that Izuku might fly off by instinct without second thought to a plan of any sort, like old habits) "What is it!?"

Katsuki's legitimately scared as Izuku sinks to his knees; Izuku's had Danger Sense pings while staying within the walls of UA to heal before(that they had to CONVINCE him not to pay attention to, or rather send one of the other students out in his stead), but nothing this obviously severe.

Little Brother, The voice rings in Izuku's head again, and his blood runs cold.

Gritting his teeth, Izuku's eyes then shoot open, and look with terror to the horizon;

"It's him...He's coming..."

---

sorry this was long. probably imperfect.

but I had to get it out of my head.

And then somewhere in or in the aftermath of the final battle they actually share a kiss and Katsuki says it back. It's nice.

I really think, Katsuki would probably legit have few hang-ups about being gay, his attitude is "don't fake who you are or how you feel", Mr. "can't even fake it to survive a kidnapping encounter with villains and would rather try to explode them all even though he's outnumbered". He'd be like, "what, you like boys? fine, then, what's the problem?! Like boys all you want!"

In this scenario I think he's way more concerned over if he's a worthy partner for Izuku, or if he's able to reciprocate, rather than "am I actually gay and if so what does that mean"

And as of 320, let me just say that Izuku is SO FRIGGIN SCARED, it breaks my heart. Like he's legit terrified and I think our suspicions that he was deeply deeply traumatized by the war arc are exactly on the money. the line "AFO is going to take you all away from me" while flashing back to the losses in the war including Kacchan....JUST SHOOT ME, IT MIGHT BE LESS PAINFUL.

Can't wait for the main UA kids(IE, his closer friend circles) to have their turn trying to wrangle Izuku up.

Anyway, thanks for reading, hope you liked this.

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cloudy-leonhart · 3 years

Text

Paubaya.

[Author Note: I watched the Paubaya music video, I suffered bad, so you guys are going down with me :)) Jean stans, sorry in advance <3]

Summary: you and Jean had a happy relationship, so what went so wrong? You both never knew until you both got the closure you need at the very same church you left Jean standing at the altar. (It’s kinda a songfic? The original song was in filipino so i translated it.)

Female Reader.

Recommended Song: Paubaya by Moira Dela Torre.

Theme: Angst, Breakup, Modern AU.

Pairings: Jean x Reader.

TW: breaking up, swearing, crying. (Can’t rlly tell if this is cheating because the song is rlly just about ghosting someone and forgiving, I’ll put it in anyway.) cheating.

Jean had no idea why he kept coming back to the same church. He had no reason to, and here he was sitting in once of the polished benches. Churches were supposed to give you hope, it was where people gave prayers of all kinds. He’d never hate a building so much.

Where did everything started to change, when was I not enough anymore?

It was nearing midnight, the church will soon close and Jean’s finding it so hard to stand, he was soon the only one left inside the marble building. It was warm due to the candles that lit the altar in the front, he could see the ghost of you standing up front with him, a reminiscent feeling washed over him, god you looked so beautiful that time.

Why didn’t you tell me from the start, I’m the one you needed but not the one you love?

He couldn’t help but shed a tear, the white lace caressed your skin so beautifully, he was so awestruck on how your hair fell perfectly on your face. He was so whipped, and he wasn’t afraid to show it, he could remember how he reached his hand out, connecting with yours as your father passed you onto Jean’s hand. He pulled you in front of the altar, holding your hand tightly.

If only he knew how much you didn’t want to do this.

Where did my love lack, I gave everything just to make you smile.

He had so many things he dreamed of doing with you, it was a shame it would never happen, he gave it up, so many things he gave up just to keep you in his arms, but when did you start falling out of love? Jean watched as the ghosts of your supposed happiest day faded from him eyes, leaving him alone in that church.

Why didn’t I see you don’t want us anymore, I’m the one you’re with, but you’re looking for him.

He missed you so much, a year went by so fast, a second you were stargazing with him, and the next, he’s alone, reminiscing on something long gone. Jean doesn’t even know where you are anymore, god knows if you’re having the most fun in your life, he’s hoping you are though.

And if you’re happy with his company, I won’t insist no more.

Jean wonders if you were to go through with your wedding, would you be happy? He looked at his watch, 11:03 pm, it read. A sigh left his mouth as a hand ran through his ash grey-brunette hair. He remembers all the things you did in your relationship, a smile unconsciously planting itself into his lips.

All I wish for him is to never make you cry, and to take care of you.

He could remember when you and him went on a trip to have a picnic, your were smiling the biggest that day, he could still remember how the sun showered you both in warm gold, Jean felt like he remembered that one moment like it was yesterday. His hands ran up his arms, trying to replicate the same warmth you gave him when you jumped into his arms that day.

Where did the faithfulness stopped, every time you say you loved me?

Where did it all go so wrong, why couldn’t Jean hear you didn’t want to do this anymore? God, why were you so silent? He knew could never blame you, even if he tried hard to, you weren’t at fault, at all. Everyone breaks out of phases, relationships all the time, but damn it, it fucking hurts.

It wasn’t your fault, neither of you. Jean never blamed you, he hopes you don’t blame him either. Maybe he lacked in something. He doesn’t know what, it was just something. Maybe you knew?

Why didn’t you admit that there’s somebody else? I’m the one you embraced, but you’re thinking of him.

Jean laughed at his state, he felt dumb thinking of something that happened a year ago. He felt his eyes tear up as his laughter died down, why is it still painful? it hurts so bad, he needs to let go, god it’s hurting him so bad. Jean laughed through his tears as he tried his best to wipe them away from his vision.

He moped no longer and stood up from his spot, walking towards the altar one more time.

Why didn’t I think, that there’s a finale?

He could hear footsteps coming up to the front of the church, he turned around to walk away, when he saw you, the girl he’s been hurting over, bad. Jean thought it was just a figment of his imagination until you stood in front of him, his nose picked up your familiar scent. He knew you were standing in front of him, the real you.

“Hi..Jean..” You looked up at him, a similar pain in your eyes, matching his.

Jean couldn’t speak, he felt he was gonna sob if he even spoke a word. You took it as a sign to continue what you wanted to say. “I..I’m sorry.”

“God, I’m so sorry..Jean.” Jean’s eyes widened slightly. You could feel your eyes sting with tears, as your throat started to close, a familiar feeling. You recognized it as you starting to breakdown.

“I, am so sorry,” your voice starts to quiver, “I got tired. I’m sorry I had to disappear.” Jean turned his gaze to the side, feeling himself start to tear up. “I tried, jean. I really did.” your gaze was long on the floor. “I gave you everything, I truly did, I was just emptied.”

“I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

Jean felt himself sigh, his sigh was shaky, and he felt himself take a big gulp, “I’m sorry.” He found his voice to say something. You stood before him, your gaze was on the floor, feeling too shameful to look at the eyes of the one you used to be in love with.

He continued either way, “I’m sorry..that I wasn’t there when you needed me.” Jean forced himself to muster the courage to say what he needed to say, he needed to, for both of you. “I’m sorry if I didn’t protect you.”

“fuck, I didn’t even get to protect you.” Jean’s voice started to pitch, he felt a tear run down his cheek. “I got scared.” You looked up at him, “I was so scared.”Jean confessed his fear of not being good enough for you and the relationship. “But, I wanted to be there, Reader, I really did. I wanted to be there when you were hurting so badly.” Jean ran a hand down his face to rid of the itch from the cold wind hitting his wet cheeks.

He could start to hear your sniffles and your attempt to try your best not to sob right then and there. “But, I wasn’t.” Jean laughed through his shaky voice. “Maybe because, I was slowly realizing that..we weren’t meant to be with each other.”

You tried to smile through your pain, an attempt of a smile was on your face as you quivered, “We tried, right?” Jean looked at your face, tracing over every small feature. “We gave it out best fight, right?” You asked. Hopeful, that he too believed you both did your best, trying hard to keep the relationship together between you.

Jean gave a painful smile back, nodding. “Yeah, we tried.” You sniffled, wiping your tears, fiddling with your hands. “I uhm..wanted to thank you for the memories you made with me,” Jean confessed, a pained smile still on his face. “Even if we couldn’t do what we always dreamed of doing.”

“I’m happy with the life you shared with me.” You wiped your tears away, listening entirely to Jean and him only. Not the buzzing silence, not the wind outside swaying the trees. Just him.

“I’m..happy that, you’re happy.” You looked at the side, trying to catch a breath, even if it’s hard to do so, with every breath you took taunting you to let out the sob you keep supressing. “I want you to be happy, too.” You confessed, looking at him. He felt relief, maybe because you both needed to talk this out, or maybe finally feeling like you could both let go of the things you kept holding on about each other.

Your eyes closed shut as you whispered out, “Thank you.” Jean reciprocated with a thank you of his own. You hiccuped, a line of thank you’s coming out of your mouth, maybe from the fact that you’ve finally told him and you’re finally getting the closure you needed.

You felt comfortable enough to reach out for his hands, those same hands that held you during the coldest nights. He welcomed you into his hands once again. Your gazes met each other once again, as one hand cupped your cheek and the other cupped both of yours.

“Oh, God.” The overwhelming feeling of nostalgia and hurt started to resurface and slowly start to fade away, as he glanced up. He could feel your smooth skin, his fingertips caressing it ever so gently. “I want you to know, that I forgive you.” He mumbled out, making sure the moment of intimacy were for both you and him only. “I forgive you, too.” You replied, holding on the hands that held your face lovingly.

You felt your head become weak as you cried into his shoulder, relief coming out. You felt so relieve that he forgives you for the pain you’ve caused him, you couldn’t believe that such a wonderful man was once yours.

Jean looked at you as if it was the last time you’ll see each other, and it probably was. He scanned over every single detail, every speck of light in your eyes, he wiped the tears that cascaded down those beautiful eyes of yours.

And for one last time, laid a gentle kiss on your cheek. before he nuzzled himself into your neck, holding you tightly. He pulled back, “I need to go..” You looked at him with pleading eyes and mumbling incoherent pleas. “I need to..” He felt like he was going to break if he stayed a second longer.

“Take care of yourself.”

You nodded and sighed, starting to pull away, Jean planted his lips one more time on your forehead, his beard tickling your face, before he started to pull away from you. You looked at him one last time, also trying your hardest to memorize his face.

I was the first, but he is the last.

With every step Jean took, he felt the guilt and the burden become lighter, he knew both of you needed to let go, and god had given both of you one last time to recieve that closure.

And it can really be seen in your eyes, why he’s the one you chose.

You wiped your tears away, watching as Jean left you alone in the church you both used to hate so much, and for once, you could see the ghost of your past self leaving with him.

I can’t go against your destiny,

both of you had to let go, and with this, you needed to release the burden of still being in pain, both of your guys’ pain and hurt are no longer’s each other burden, you realize that it’s okay to entrust things to fate and destiny.

But, I forgive you.

Jean knew you and him forgave each other, and that finally releases the heavy weight of pain and guilt both of you held, you both feel like you could breath so freely, and even if you both won’t see each other again, at least, you both got to hold each other one last time.

I’m setting you free.

Jean was happy that he no longer has to feel chained up to your guys’ relationship, and you were happy that you no longer have to deal with the guilt of causing Jean pain and leaving him unanswered. Jean’s footsteps faded away softly, as you stood in the church, crying your final feelings out.

I’m letting you go, and entrusting everything to him.

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thepeakygurl · 3 years

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Bittersweet Tragedy

Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader

Prompt: you and Draco have been dating for quite a while, until you started to grow apart and one day you saw him with someone else, leaving you heartbroken.

Angst.

The summer crawled miserably by and yet, he didn’t care to send an owl. For months you wished, every night and morning since that darned day, for Draco to make amends but with your most feared expectations he didn’t.

Love as they made it sound in novels, was nothing compared to what you and Draco shared. The understanding you had of each other was beyond love and sometimes, that scared you. Being deeply connected to someone up to the point where you felt you knew them even before meeting them, that kind of bond. Falling in love was easy as making a spell, but staying in love and cherish it, that was a bit more tricky. Because, regardless all the sentiments and the good intentions, you and Draco were different in so many ways. He was reckless, impulsive and bad tempered, you on your side were more cautious, attentive and easily irritable, so much that fighting was almost as making love. However, at the end of the day, those same differences got closer you and made you understand, whatever there was to understand.

You couldn’t tell exactly when or how, but something changed. One day you were hiding in the Slytherin dorms, trying to slid inside his room without being notice and the other you end up walking across him without the guts to look at each other. Somehow, you became the ghost of each other, so hard to forget and persistently there. You were still together by that time, too in love to say goodbye and admit to yourself that it was over. He simply didn’t look at you the same way. You felt it in your bones, the coldness when he last said the words I love you, the emptiness that were filling those words almost made you fall on your knee, as you never heard such words being said so carelessly. It hurt, it really did. But you knew love was still there, it had to be. You wanted it to be.

And perhaps, that’s why you thought it was a good idea to sneak into the Slytherin dorms again, once more, to come along and talk to him about how you were feeling. Nothing however could have prepared you for what you saw. Him, your boyfriend, the guy you were in love and in desperate need to have back, caressing the cheek of another girl. Their bodies so close to each other, as close as he used to be with you. They were smiling, a smile that you didn’t see in Draco for weeks now and it hurt more than a kiss. A kiss you could argue, is about the contemplation of the flesh, but a smile, that is more about feeding the soul. That thought broke something within your chest, whether it was your heart or whatever was inside there, it broke. Nothing in those years ever hurt as much.

And when he saw you, standing there just a few meters between you and him, visibly shook and speechless he didn’t say or do anything. He just looked. That day something got broke also inside of him. The thought of hurting you, that hunted him ever since he first laid a kiss on your lips. Torturing him so much that temptation got the best out of him. People always said you were too much for him. Too good, too gorgeous, too loyal, too real. And they were right, he also knew that and how foul of him to think he could keep such a beautiful thing. Truth is, before you, he never knew what falling in love could possibly mean. The only love he knew was his mother’s and also that one could be wicked. As much as an excuse that could feel like, he thought that perhaps letting you go could do nothing but good to you. He saw how miserable you were because of him, because his own insecurities and fears. You were slowly sliding away from him and he tried to hold you tight, he did try, but something was telling him to let go. And so he did.

For the whole summer he so desperately wanted to talk to you, to say how sorry he was and how much he missed you, but he felt as if he didn’t have the right to do so and even think of doing it was making him selfish and that he couldn’t be with you.

Going back to Hogwarts was not easy, but you had your friends and they on their part were not going to stand by and watch you drawn in your own shadow. That was a relief. Few months went but and now smiling was the only thing you could do, laughing and making memories you knew no one could take away from you. But still, seeing Draco and couldn’t even say hello to him, that saddened you. You wouldn’t admit it even to yourself, but love, some parts of it was still there.

So time flied this time, it was now spring and you loved this time of the year. You loved to watch how the tree bloomed from their sorrow into their own majestic beauty. The colours and the flowers, signs that everything goes and eventually everything returns.

You shared the potion lessons with the Slytherin house, you were by then used to it. However you didn’t prepare yourself for what was about to come next. The professor asked you all to perform the Amortentia potion. Part of you feared to smell it, that all the questions you were asking yourself, laid all in the potion you had now in front of you. Without even realising it, you were already smelling vanilla, the sweet of green apples, honey and citrus. Wonderful and aromatic scents that you knew very well. You heart started to ache so badly, that you almost didn’t realise some tears were sliding down your cheeks. The last thing you remember was standing up and running out of the class, with the professor calling you out.

Draco was looking at you the whole time, asking himself if you as well were being invaded by the memories and you gave him the chance to believe you did. He followed you, not giving a damn about the professor now calling him out too. He quickly run towards you, you were now in the hallway trying to desperately wipe away those silly tears “Y/N...” he called out, that voice made your whole body shiver, you didn’t turn you didn’t want him to see you like that, especially because it was he’s own doing. “Are you alright?” He asked, his voice being breathy as he tried to chase you seemed now in a brittle.

“Since when do you care?” Those words left your mouth so quick and easily that you hated yourself, you didn’t want to effectively talk to him, after all what was there to talk about? You now turned to him. His eyes were a bit red, you could tell he was forcing himself to maintain a straight serious face, he was the same as handsome as ever. With his stupid silky blonde hair and his icy blue eyes.

He froze as he hard you say those words, the guilt invaded him in less than a second “I always cared, I still do, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. Don’t you think?”

“Oh, you don’t get to sass me out like that.” You said, allowing yourself to burst into a small sarcastic laugh “As a matter of fact, you don’t get to speak to me at all!” You yelled at him.

You never did such a thing and that almost made him took a step back, he never saw you like that. Something inside of him wanted to just hug you and beg for your forgiveness “I’m sorry for what I did to you. I am. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but know this, I am really sorry y/n” his voice cracked a little and you would lie to yourself if you didn’t say you saw a few tears in his eyes.

“You didn’t write or attempted to talk to me in any way. For Merlin’s beard, Draco! You didn’t even broke up with me!” Your voice echoed in the whole hallway and you knew that you were moments aways of being taken to detention “You coward goblin! Did you think so little of me that you didn’t even care to tell me we were over?”

Draco once again, felt something get broken as you were speaking “I didn’t speak, write or attempted to do anything because I didn’t want it to be over. I made a mistake I know that, but even as I made it I never stopped loving you”

“Love, Draco, love is not something you should say so recklessly. When you love someone you don’t give up on them.” You were now shacking, but in some wicked way you were glad to be having this conversation, you wanted him to know how much he hurt you “I know we were having problems, but I thought we respected each other enough to speak about it, to eventually say goodbye without all of this nonsense!”

“I didn’t give up on you y/n! For merlin’s beard!” His voice was now raucous, but almost loud “I gave up on me. Don’t you understand? Being with me was making you miserable, you weren’t happy! How could you lie to yourself about it?! We reached a point were neither of us were able to look each other in the eye!”

“I wasn’t miserable because I was with you, I was miserable because I wanted to fix us, but I couldn’t find a way” you yelled back at him, your throat was now hurting, so bad that you had to slowly massage your neck. “It wasn’t your choice to make. You selfishly end it for the both of us, you weren’t the only one to be part of this relationship.” You whispered out, but he was close enough to hear you clearly.

Draco hesitated before speaking again, you were right, as always “I still love you. I really do.” He whispered as well, trying to grab your hand in his but you took a step back. He looked at you, your eyes were different, you changed in someway that he couldn’t yet explain.

“But that isn’t enough anymore, you know it too.” And you as well saw a change in him, or maybe that was what he was all along, you just were too in love to see it. “Goodbye Draco.” You said, walking now towards the professor that was already on his way to scold the both of you.

Closure. A young love that started in its purest way, was now a long distant memory. A bittersweet tragedy that Draco and yourself would always cherish in your hearts.

#draco malfoy scenario #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy #draco malfoy headcanon #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy x female reader #draco malfoy smut #draco malfoy angst #draco #harry potter draco malfoy #hp draco #harry potter universe

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thejolexgroupchat · 3 years

Text

Song Prompt List

Hey everyone! Here’s the song prompt list that no one asked for! If you decide to submit a song prompt, please be sure to specify that it’s from this list :)

“If the world was ending, you’d come over right?”

“Sometimes it lasts in love, and sometimes it hurts instead.”

“All I ask, is if this is my last night with you, hold me like I’m more than just a friend.”

“Man, oh, man, you're my best friend. I scream it to the nothingness. There ain't nothing that I need.”

“Home is wherever I’m with you.”

“You’re the closest to heaven I’ll ever be.”

“You fill my life with laughter, and somehow you make it better... Ease my troubles, that's what you do”

“You’re the only one that I want.”

“I'm so in love with you. Whatever you want to do is alright with me...'cause you make me feel so brand new and I want to spend my life with you.”

“You've been my inspiration. Through the lies you were the truth. My world is a better place because of you.”

“You're still the one I run to, the one that I belong to. You're still the one I want for life."

“And now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world.”

“I lose my mind when it comes to you.”

“I like me better when I’m with you.”

“So go ahead, and drive me insane.”

“Don’t say a word. Just come over and lie here with me.”

“Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you?”

“Losing you is like living in a world with no air.”

“I’ve found a reason for me to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new, and that reason is you.”

“Everything comes back to you.”

“I needed the shelter of someone’s arms, and there you were.”

“I’m so in love with you. Whatever you want to do is alright with me.”

“I want to spend my life with you.”

“You’re my favorite thing about everyday.”

“You make it easier when life gets hard.”

“No matter what I do, I’m no good without you.”

“I won’t give up on us.”

“I want you so bad, I think you ought to know that.”

“I believe in us.”

“I should’ve never let you go.”

“It’s taking me a lot to say, but now that you’re gone my heart is missing something.”

“This is me trying.”

“I never thought that it would be you.”

“You break my heart in the blink of an eye.”

“And all the times I let you in, just for you to go again.”

“You said you’d be here.”

“Nobody said it was easy.”

“I’m getting used to receiving. Still getting good at not leaving.”

“I’m gonna love you even though I’m scared.”

“Cause nobody ever loved me like you do.”

“Never been good at trusting, but there’s something with you I’m in love with.”

“When I’m about to fall, somehow you’re always waiting with your open arms to catch me.”

“Maybe we could be enough.”

“I believe that it’s easier for you to let me go.”

“I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth. And I’ve never opened up, I’ve never truly loved till you.”

“I’m not your problem anymore.”

“But if you loved me, why’d you leave me?”

“I will be loving you till we’re seventy.”

“I’ve tried not to freak out. Try not to worry about the future.”

“It takes everything in me not to call you.”

“I can’t say hello to you and risk another goodbye.”

“Why’d I have to break what I love so much?”

“I’m the one who burned us down.”

“I’ll keep you safe and hold you forever.”

“I won’t leave you. Always be true.”

“When I’m with you I lose track of time. When I’m without you, you’re stuck on my mind.”

“I never wanna leave your side.”

“You keep wondering if you’re what I’m wanting. You don’t even have to try.”

“I can’t breathe without you. But I have to.”

“You told me you loved me. So why did you go away?”

“I never thought we’d have a last kiss.”

“I never imagined we’d end like this.”

“Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again.”

“I’m gonna be the man who wakes up next to you.”

“With this ring, will you always know one thing: the little that I have to give, I will give it all to you.”

“I’ve never been this scared before… feelings I just can’t ignore.”

“Don’t know if I should fight or fly.”

“You got my heart, don’t know how you did it.”

“I don’t care who sees it babe. I don’t wanna hide the way I feel when you’re next to me.”

“I love the way you make me feel.”

“The way you make me feel really turns me on.”

“You said forever, now I drive alone past your street.”

“I know we weren’t perfect, but I never felt this way for no one.”

“No one teaches you what to do when a good man hurts you.”

“I know that it’s over, I don’t need your closure.”

#song prompts #prompt list #sentence prompt #jolex #jolex prompts #grey's anatomy fanfiction #grey's anatomy #grey's anatomy prompts #prompts #songs #taylor swift #ariana grande #ed sheeran #christina perri #adele

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the-silentium · 4 years

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5²

Masterlist

Pairing: Five Hargreeves x Reader

Words: 2770 words

Warnings: Swearing.

Requested by: @justalittleb1tcrazy & Anon

Hi! I love your work, and I have an idea/request if it’s not too much to ask :) i’ve been thinking about a continuation of the 11 Five fic (because I adored it) where the Hargreeves go back to 2019 like s2 and the reader is a part of Sparrow Academy and she’s slightly more edgy personality wise, or something like that lol

Hi! Just finished reading 11 and I sobbed so hard ngl,, would it be alright to ask for a part two?? Maybe it could be about how five goes on after wards, honestly I just need closure :(( it was so good,,,

A/N: Here’s 11 Part 2! Hope you guys like it! @justalittleb1tcrazy, I already had the part 2 planned in my head, but you weren’t wrong with the Sparrow Academy! (almost) Also, the Sparrow Academy is totally OC, I didn’t go with the comics.

The days following your death were the most exhausting days Five ever lived. Between running around to gather his siblings and trying desperately to find a way back to 2019, losing precious time to sleep wasn’t even an option. He was running on the last bits of adrenaline his body could give him, the determination to find you back in 2019 and apologize profusely while holding onto you for dear life was enough to keep his body functioning for so long.

When Klaus broke the circle to go fetch the cowboy hat, Five genuinely wondered if the homicidal rage was finally getting to him because the thought of murdering his brother with his bare hands seemed pretty enjoyable at the moment. His patience was running thinner by the seconds and the lack of caffeine in his bloodstream was doing nothing to appease his pulsion.

As soon as the circle was complete again, the time-traveler visualised the right equations in his mind, warmth radiated through his hands and soon he jumped to the old mansion along with his siblings.

For a second, Five let himself live the joy of the moment. He finally did it. His dream for the past 45 years was now fulfilled, by his actions the people he loved the most could live in a world where the apocalypse never occurred and will never happen, where they had a real future and where he could live the life he wanted back when he was just a kid in the skin of his now-adult body.

He dodged Klaus’ open arms and closed his fists to jump to his bedroom, where he knew you were waiting for him to come back from the Icarus Theatre, but the familiar laugh bouncing around in the living room stopped his movement. His heart fluttered in his chest, his desire finally so near. He didn’t lose a second and jumped to the living room, his eyes searching for you excitedly.

You were seated on the second floor, your legs between the railings slowly swang in the air, your eyes fixated on a book opened in your hands, its words bringing a beautiful smile to your lips.

He didn’t recon jumping behind you, but next thing he knew, your back was facing him and you perked up at the soft old floor’s whine.

“Five, you’re back!” The joy in your voice got him to his knees, the relief of finally being able to hold you alive and well in his arms was too much for him to handle.

On an impulse, Five’s hands reached for your cheeks as you were turning your head to welcome him home, his desperation of the last couple of days showing through the not so delicate kiss he pressed on your lips.

Stars flashed behind his closed eyelids, not because of the power of the moment like he expected but because of the powerful right hook you managed to land on his temple. Five fell on his ass, stunned, hurt and utterly confused.

He opened his eyes to see you hurriedly get up from your spot and back away from him. He almost didn’t register the fear in your eyes before you tripped on a nearby bench and fell over. Always quick, Five jumped to your side and caught you before you touched the hard floor.

“What’s wrong? It’s me, Five!” He asked, his voice laced with worry while his eyes searched your face for any clue of why you attacked him after clearly being happy that he was back.

“You’re not Five.” You spat with anger. “Let go of me, asshole!” You jiggled in his grip, successfully freeing yourself without much of a fight, your words paralyzing him. It couldn’t be.

His sibling’s footsteps along with their worried voices echoed around Five but none of their words reached him, his thoughts were way too loud for any sound to break through his mind.

The answer was obvious. His siblings always managed to fuck up his plans, creating the biggest catastrophes everywhere they went and destroyed everything they touched. They had fucked with the timeline. They had fucked his dream. They had fucked his future.

Just as Five thought he couldn’t be angrier, a new bunch of people joined your side, one particular brown-haired man wrapping you in his arms from behind and holding you tightly to his chest. The sight of another man holding you made his blood boil in his vein, the feeling reminded him of the deadly phase seven; homicidal rage. If you hadn’t gripped tightly the man’s forearm, Five would have definitely jumped into a fight he was sure to lose but needed beyond reason.

“Who the hell are these guys?” Klaus’ voice broke the heavy silence of the room.

The biggest one of the new group turned his head toward his brother and Five already knew what he was going to say.

“We are the Sparrow Academy. I am Number One.“

Five’s eyes were still locked with yours, wishing for this nightmare to end or for you to break out of your act and confess that this was a very elaborate prank like you used to pull on him in your younger years. His salvation never came.

"Shit.”

Five was surprised his family caught up with the events instead of being clueless as usual.

Turns out their dad was disappointed enough of them during their meeting in the 60s that he adopted a completely different set of children instead. Five was sure that it wouldn’t hurt that much, knowing his dad replaced him, but it did hurt. A lot. After all he did to save the world, he was replaced like an insignificant object. Oh and to top it all? You fell in love with the current Number Five who can manipulate time as he willed. Out of spite, Five decided to call him Square from now on.

The lack of sleep mixed with his jealousy was making him very snappy and on edge. When he was trying to stop the apocalypse the first time, you were the only one able to calm him down from his cumulated frustration and anger. You’d take his hand, lay your head on his shoulder and talk to him about anything and everything.

Maybe it was delusional of him to think that even in another timeline you would remember him if he shared enough time with you. He couldn’t stop thinking that he was the original, the very first Number Five and that you belonged with him and not a pale copy, so he jumped to the kitchen where he knew you were making yourself a drink.

“Hot chocolate.” The sweet scent reached his nostrils and the memory of you showing him how to make it just like you liked played in his mind, stretching his lips into a fond smile. “You never changed.”

“I don’t like what’s bitter.” You shot him a wary look, clearly remembering that he jumped on you earlier. “I thought my Five made it clear, you altered the timeline. Even if another me was with you, I am not yours.” You mixed the hot water with the cocoa mix and turned to get what else you needed to make it perfect.

You stopped in your tracks when Five showed you the vanilla essence and chocolate chips in his hands.

“Thank you.” You whispered as you took the items from his hands.

“Happy to know some things never change.” Five stated, following you near the mugs. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw you shoot him a glance when he reached on the shelves for a cup.

“Do you remember your past and future lives yet?” He questioned as he prepared himself a pot of strong black coffee.

“H-how do you know?” He was proud that finally your attention was completely on him. “My Five doesn’t even know.” Five tried to ignore the pinch of his heart when you stated that he wasn’t yours.

“I know a lot about you.” He watched the black liquid fall from the coffee maker into the pot, hoping it would work faster. “Do you remember the 60s?"

"I remember the French Renaissance, the US colonization and a bunch of other lives but no, I never lived in the 60s.” You frowned, your eyes moving away, surely trying to remember if you really lived in that period.

“You did, you simply don’t remember it yet. If my theory is right, you won’t remember the 2019 life we had because everything changed in the 60s and erased it. This means that you’ll most likely remember the 60s some time soon and only then you’ll remember our 2019 because it happened back then.” His heartbeat accelerated at the perspective that you’d remember your affection for him and everything would go back to normal. Almost.

“So you think because I’ll remember my past life I’ll leave my Five for you?” You scoffed. “You’re so frickin’ arrogant.” You grabbed your cup and turned around, preparing yourself to walk away from him.

“I’m not arrogant!” His frustration exploded.

“Oh yes you are!"

"I’m scared!” His voice broke, but he didn’t care. Your furrowed brows relaxed and the insults on your tongue died along with your anger.

“Why?"

"I’m scared that I’ve lost forever the person who’s the most important to me. I survived 45 years in the apocalypse for you. I stopped an apocalypse for you. And you don’t even remember me.” At some point tears fell from his eyes, splashing into the cup tightly encased in his hands. “I’m scared I’ll never get to tell you that I love you.” His voice was merely a harsh whisper but you heard it nonetheless. He knew.

Your footsteps walking away made him close his eyes in agony. Just like the day he found your tortured body lying in a pool of your blood.

“Stop being an asswad.” You muttered before leaving the room. Five’s cup exploded between his hands, causing shards to cut into his flesh and blood to pool onto the counter. A small smile adorned his lips, a new flame of hope burning into his heart.

You avoided him like the plague for the next following days, exiting every room he entered and eating outside the manor whenever you could. He found it quite irritating but he knew you needed the time to think. You were starting to remember, he was sure of it by the small glances he received from you everytime you fled to another room.

He finally got some sleep, his dreams full of the comforting warmth of your arms, sweet words were whispered in his ears while one of your hands lightly combed his hair with your fingers. He desperately wanted to stay asleep, to never leave you again, but life was cruel and he always woke up, the reality hitting him like a brick. You would avoid him, again. He would die inside, again.

After changing into his newly bought day clothes, Five jumped into the kitchen, his too great need of coffee controlling his actions. He found you seated on the counter next to the freshly brewed coffee pot, a book in hand, a hot chocolate cup in the other.

“Good morning asswad.” You said without lifting your gaze from your line.

Five noticed your grip tighten around your book as he made his way toward you. He stopped centimeters away from your knees, his gaze transfixed onto your evading eyes. He patiently waited for you to meet his gaze before bidding you good morning.

Your breath caught in your throat when he leaned forward, his arm outstretched to grab a cup on the shelve behind you. Maybe today wouldn’t be as bad as the others.

He poured himself a cup full to the brim and carefully took a first gulp of his liquid addiction. He sighed at the taste, strong and bitter, just as he liked.

“So I do remember it right.” You closed your book and put it at your side on the counter. Your eyes lifted to meet his, causing Five to almost drop his cup at your tired expression. “What am I supposed to do now?” You sighed and rubbed your face with your free hand.

Five’s stress level skyrocketed. He knew what you were referring to. You were torn apart between living your present or allowing your past feelings to guide who you are now. He had wished the choice would have been obvious, that you would choose him without an ounce of doubt, but you were struggling.

“My feelings for you were so strong that I feel them now a-and they confuse me so much. I never felt that for-” You stopped yourself but Five knew what you meant. You never loved Square that hard and he was glad. “But what we had was in the past and what I have with him is real.” Tears gattered in your eyes just as panic flowed through Five’s mind.

“What we had was real! It’s still real now! You feel it and I sure as hell still feel it!” He put down his cup and softly placed his hands on your knees, desperation to prove his point showing in his eyes.

“I’m just being overwhelmed by my past.” You shook your head as tears fell down your cheeks.

“No you’re not. You’re panicking because you remembered me and fell in love with me through your memories. I’m the same man and you are the same woman and you know it!"

A sob passed your lips and Five reached for your waist to pull you into a comforting hug. Before his fingers even touched your form, you disappeared. Stunned, he turned around to find you into Square’s arms, his angry eyes shooting daggers at Five.

"Stay away from her.” He growled before disappearing with you.

Five kicked the nearest chair, pissed off by the time manipulator. He could not fight with someone capable of slowing, quickening or even stopping time. He had to put his last hope in you.

Square stayed at your sides for the next two days. Five saw how his constant presence was getting on your nerves, you needed time alone and he was denying you that out of jealousy.

Five was scribbling into his notebook when you walked up to him, definitely pissed off. Your hands were closed into tight fists and you huffed as you let yourself fall onto the couch next to him. You lifted your feet onto the cushion and hugged your knees.

He wanted to reach out for you so much, although it was clear that you needed your space. He waited for you to start the conversation, apprehension eating at him.

“They say ‘You can’t just give up on someone because the situation is not ideal. Great relationships aren’t great because they have no problems. They’re great because both people care enough about the other person to find a way to make it work.’” You took a deep breath before turning your head to meet his eyes. “I want to make us work. Like we always did."

Five’s heart stopped. Not in agony this time, but in relief. Happiness overwhelmed his senses and quickly, he reached for you to pull you against his chest and keep you close while tears fell from his eyes as the stress lifted from his shoulder. Your arms snaked their way around his waist and for a moment, he let himself melt under your touch that he needed for so long now.

"I love you.” He whispered the words he so desperately wanted to tell you in the 60s.

“I love you too.” You snuggled deeper into his neck, your hot breath on his skin giving him goosebumps. “Thank you."

"For what?” He frowned, genuinely wondering why you were thanking him.

“You stopped the apocalypse, Five. You gave so much to save the world.” You pulled away, smiling at him brightly. “Thank you."

Five realised that he was never thanked before for anything he had done for anyone. His composure melted and more tears ran down his face, the very first acknowledgement of his actions and sacrifices hitting him right in the feels.

"I’d do it all again for you.” He replied with a broken voice, his throat constricted and tears drowning him.

You pulled him into your chest after letting your feet fall on the floor, where he cried out of relief that you were still with him and out of exhaustion of everything he went through so that he could ensure that you and his family were safe.

#five hargreeves x reader #five hargreeves imagine #five hargreeves #number five #number five imagine #number five x reader #number 5 imagine #number 5 #tua s2 #tua #the umbrella academy #sparrow academy

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imaginingmultifandom · 4 years

Text

Comfort (Part 3)

George Weasley x Reader, Draco Malfoy x Reader

Summary: Draco has a way of messing with your head and making you question everything, and it hurts just like it did when you were still together. George is there for you through it all, and just hopes that that is enough.

Words: 1607

A/N: You can find Part 1 and Part 2 to ‘Comfort’ here!

"You got a minute?" You heard Draco's voice but hesitated for a moment before meeting his eyes. You were speechless, not having expected him to actually confront you like this.

"Just ignore him," You could hear George whisper, and you instantly. became aware that his larger hands were still wrapped around yours. Draco had seemed to notice that, too.

"Come on, Y/N. Just a quick chat," The blonde said, his eyes flickering between the way George was holding your hands and your gaze. "Or won't your loverboy let you?" He snidely commented, raising his eyebrows.

"No need to be rude if all you want is a simple chat," You retorted, nevertheless letting go of George and standing up from where you had been sitting. "You only get five minutes, Malfoy. Better have something good to tell me," You did your best to sound self-assured, but your knees felt weak as you followed Draco outside.

As you turned around to your friends to mouth that you'd be back soon, you noticed George looking down at his now empty hands with a look you couldn't quite place.

You didn't even know what exactly had made you go outside with Draco, but you chose to blame it on wanting to put him in his place for his snide remark.

"What do you want?" You barked at him, all the hurt you had been feeling in the past weeks turning you defensive around him.

"Calm down, darling." He responded, his tone almost smug, "Don't worry, I won't keep you away from your Weasley boy for too long."

You were aware that he only wanted to get under your skin with these type of comments, which made it even worse when he managed to succeed. Even though you knew Draco better than that, and therefore also knew that he was only trying to mask his own vulnerability with his smugness, it still annoyed you.

"First of all, he's not my boy or anything like that. Not that it's any of your business." You shot back, "And secondly, you're one to talk. Don't act like I didn't see you with Pans-"

"You're not with Weasley?" Draco stopped you before you could finish your sentence, his face as hard to read as always. For a second, it seemed like he was honestly surprised.

"No, I am not with George," You explained, your voice a bit calmer now. "Or anyone else, for that matter." You added, "But like I said, that's not any of your business. Not anymore."

"Oh," Draco only responded, instinctively matching your softer tone of voice. He remained quiet after that, appearing to be lost in thought before your words snapped him out of it.

"Oh?" You repeated, questioning his unusual reaction and sudden change of demeanour. "I don't get why you're so interested in my relationships in the first place. You broke up with me. And you're with Pansy now, anyway."

"I- yes, Pansy- but-" Draco stumbled on his words, which wasn't exactly typical for him. You wondered what had gotten into him all of the sudden. But it was only a moment later that he had his guard up again, and was back to the mean side of him he always presented whenever he wasn't able to show his true feelings and intentions. "Pansy's just some random fling to me. It isn't serious, just some fun."

"Does she know that's how you feel?" You narrowed your eyes at him, "Or are you just leading her on like you did to me?"

"It's nothing like what I had with you." Draco's voice was still serious, but you noticed his eyes softening as he spoke, "I didn't lead you on, Y/N. I never meant to,"

"So telling me you love me one day, then breaking up with me the next isn't leading me on?" You objected, and you could see that Draco wanted to respond, but you didn't let him. . "You didn't even bother to tell me why you left, and honestly, that's the worst part. You didn't grant me any closure." Your voice began to break, but you needed to get this off your chest, "It's been two months and I still can't properly move on-"

"Is that what you want?" Draco interrupted you, his hand instinctively reaching out to your shoulder to try and comfort you in some way. You backed away abruptly, though.

"What?" You asked, not understanding what he was getting at.

"Is that what you want," He repeated softly, taking a step to close the distance between you two. This time, you didn't back away, "you want to move on from me?"

"I- Draco, yes-" Now you were stumbling on your words, trying to organise your thoughts. He was so close now, the familiar scent of his cologne in your nose and his hot breath on your skin. You were suddenly painfully aware of the cold winter air around the two of you, and couldn't help but crave his warmth. "Of course I want that. You should want that." Your voice was back to merely a whisper now, but you weren't less angry.

"What if I don't want that?" Draco asked, and you were honestly baffled. The familiar feeling of being close to him had drawn you in for a moment, but this snapped you out of it.

"Is this some sort of game to you?" You fumed, backing away from him with an abrupt movement, "First you break up with me, and hurt me by parading around with someone else, then try to guilt-trip me into not moving on?"

"Y/N, that's not true and you know it." He spat back, anger written across his face again.

"How would I know though, Draco? Because it sure does look like that right now," You couldn't help the tears that were starting to run down your face, and Draco noticed them, too. Even if he did care about it, he didn't let it show.

"Bloody hell, you just don't get it, do you, Y/N?" The blond snapped, turning his back on you and starting to walk away, "Just forget it. I'm out of here."

He had always been explosive, especially during fights, never quite letting his vulnerable side show for long. You had caught glimpses of it here and there during your relationship with him, and there was a point in which Draco had even trusted you to the point of starting to open up completely. Looking back on it, that had been shortly before your break-up. You had always wondered about the timing of that.

"This is so bloody messed up, Malfoy," You yelled before he was out of reach, tears now flowing down your face with no use of stopping them. You had tried to be patient with him, always, but you couldn't take it anymore.

Your yelling must have caused quite the commotion, as your friends came storming out of the Three Broomsticks just a few seconds later.

"You alright, Y/N?" George's voice was the first one you heard, "We heard your voice and-" He stopped as you turned around to him, and he noticed the tears falling down your cheeks. The redhead stepped towards you immediately, engulfing you in his strong arms.

You let yourself collapse into his hug, hard sobs escaping your mouth as he tightened his grip around you. Just like with Draco, his scent was familiar. You had spent countless late nights with the twin, just laughing and talking until you were both so tired you fell asleep in each other's arms. You had never thought much of it, and even if your heart did race at times when he pulled you close, why would that be anything but a friendly sentiment?

"Let's leave them alone for the moment," Hermione whispered to the others who had also followed the sound of your yelling outside, and Fred, Ron, and Harry joined her as she went back into the pub.

Neither George nor you were paying attention to what was happening around you, so you didn't even notice them sneaking back in to give you privacy. Your sobs were beginning to get softer, and the tears started to slowly stop as George ran his fingers soothingly up and down your back.

He knew it would be pointless to ask you what had happened while you were in this state, so he didn't bother you with those questions. George knew you would explain sooner or later, and he would wait until you were ready.

"I'm seriously going to kick Malfoy's arse," He muttered instead, more to himself than you, and then added in a low whisper, "You don't deserve this, Y/N."

You couldn't bring yourself to answer, scared that it would cause the tears to start flowing again. Instead, you just nuzzled closer into him. You stood there like that for a few moments longer, until you felt something cold and slightly wet softly landing on the back of your neck. You pulled away slightly, realising that it was beginning to snow. You looked up to George just as a snowflake managed to land on your nose, and he slowly lifted his hand from your back to your face. His heart ached as he saw your face like this, all gloomy and dipped in the dimmed light of the streetlamp in front of the Three Broomsticks. He wiped away the snowflake and the remaining tears with his thumb, and the soft motion mixed with that dreamy look in his eyes nearly made your knees go weak.

"Come on, let's get you back to Hogwarts." He murmured tenderly, and you gave him the smallest nod.

TAG LIST UNDER CUT

@emo---tional @justmesadgirl @xdmx @sarcasticemmalol @supersouthy @streetfighterrichie @jenniweaslee

#george weasley #Draco Malfoy #george weasley imagine #draco malfoy imagine #george weasley x reader #draco malfoy x reader #Harry Potter #harry potter imagine

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strangeinternetwasteland · 3 years

Text

Lovelorn- Bakugo x Fem Reader

This is my second submission for day 4 of @konoblog-simps server collab!

WC: 1.5K

A/N: Song Lyrics are italicized, Everyone is of drinking age and/or aged up

Song: Fourth of July by Fall Out Boy

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, swearing,

In the darkened bar and a few drinks in the chaos of the bar all sounded the same. Every song had the same three chords being strung or the lyrics all sounded similar. One song after another about finding or losing love. He didn’t want to be here, the only thing he knew is that alcohol made it all go away. All the feelings and thoughts involving you. The two of you had met at a party Mina was throwing for no reason other than for fun. The moment you smiled, he fell hard.

It was the Fourth of July/ You and I were fire, fire fireworks/That went off too soon/ And I miss you in the June gloom, too

Thinking about the start of everything, it was a quick and fast relationship. From the moment the two of you saw each other, it felt as if nothing else could be better.

It was the Fourth of July/ You and I were fire, fire, fireworks/ I said I’d never miss you/ but I guess you never know/ May the bridges I have burned light my way back home on the Fourth of July

He missed you, even if he didn’t want to admit it. The summer romance that you two had shared as fleeting as it was, made him believe that maybe he wasn’t that hard to love.

I’ll be as honest as you let me/ I miss your early morning company/ If you get me/ You are my favorite “what if”/ You are my best “I’ll never know”

The night and morning after your third date with him was unexpected. You hadn’t thought about ever just giving someone yourself so wholly. He sighed remembering the sound of your laughter and felt his heart breaking into a million pieces. He waved the bartender down for another drink to drown his sorrows in. ‘I never will know how it would’ve ended anyway’ he thought to himself. The moment the facade fell the two of you were at each other’s throat.

And I am starting to forget/ Just what summer ever meant to you/ What did it ever mean to you?

What exactly had that summer fling ever meant to you? As much as Bakugo didn’t want to admit it, you were all he could ever think about.

Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any of it/ I just got too lonely, lonely, whoa/ In between being young and being right/ You were my Versailles at night.

He could’ve chalked up all of his anger, and feelings during the fights to being lonely. It was a pathetic excuse. Whenever the two of you did fight, it didn’t matter what was said, she always looked beautiful. He remembered you telling him a story of when you were started traveling and wanted to visit Versailles. You had explained how beautiful it was especially at night with the fireworks. Tears prickled at the corners of his eyes he’d never admit how much it actually hurt him.

My 9 to 5 is cutting open old scars/ Again and again ‘til I’m stuck in your head/ Had my doubts, but I let them out/ You are the drought/ And I’m the holy water you have been without

The times you didn’t spend together all he ever thought about was the next time you’d be together. Even after the fighting started, he didn’t want to be without you. You were the breath in his lungs.

And all my thoughts of you/ The could heat or cool the room/ And no, don’t tell you cried/ Oh honey you don’t have to lie

After all the verbal arguments and how explosive they had gotten between the two of you, Bakugo didn’t want to believe in the truth he eventually came to. That is in a few short weeks he had fallen unabashedly in love with you. He was the one that was left hurt and broken while you never showed any remorse.

I wish I’d known how much you loved me/ I wish I cared enough to know/ I’m sorry every song’s about you/ The torture of small talk with some you used to love

When he thought about it all. Of course, you never really loved him at all. That was the only explanation he could come up with. The decision to text you was on impulse and he wanted closure. Bakugo decided that no matter what you had to say that he would accept your decision. When you walked into the bar, your eyes quickly found his form slumped over the bar. Obviously, he was inebriated. He perked his head up and saw you walking over to him. He grew nervous and fought every urge to run.

“Hello, Katsuki.” You greeted him and sat next to him. The bartender took your order and left the two of you alone.

“Hey, Y/N.” Bakugo greeted you with apathy. He felt colder than normal, despite you knowing that he was literally otherwise.

“How have you been?” You asked him with interest.

“Does it matter?” He responded quickly.

“Of course.” You replied with uncertainty, knowing how volatile Bakugo’s moods truly are.

“I need to know why you ended it.” He quickly asked. His fuse was short and with the addition of alcohol, it grew shorter.

“Right to it, huh?” You softly giggled at his demeanor. He was always so serious.

“You never did give me a good reason.” His anger was apparent on his face. You shook your head. The bartender handed you your drink and gave you a look as he walked away.

“I actually loved you.” He said so quietly, you almost didn’t hear him above the music. He sighed again. “Just tell me why, and I can move on.” He looked directly at you. You saw the tears that formed in the corners of his eyes. You had always had a level-headed approach to everything.

“I know, Bakugo. When you text me wanting to talk, I was actually really happy.” You told him taking his hand in yours. “If I am being completely honest, I think we fizzled out before we began. You and I had tried to put everything we had into a few weeks. You can’t truly know a person after that short of a period. You confessing you loved me, that scared me, more than anything.”

Bakugo took his hand out of yours and placed it in his lap. He pressed his lips together and looked at the bar top. After a moment, he reached for his wallet and placed enough cash for all of his drinks and yours for the bartender.

“Thanks for the talk, Y/N.” He said while walking away from you. You hopped off the seat and ran after him.

“Where are you going? You’re in no state to drive home.” You scolded him. He pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

“Where can I go when I want you around but I can’t stand to be around you?” He asked with a hint of venom in his voice. He was losing his cool quickly.

“I am sorry, Bakugo. I am not sure what I was expecting when I came here to talk, but I can see that my presence isn’t wanted.” You told him as the two of you walked outside the bar.

“You’re all I ever think about. The first thing when I wake up, and the last thing on my mind. I wonder if you’re living the life you wanted. Why are you still here anyway? I thought your dream was to travel the world. See all the sights, try various foods of the world.” He snapped back at you, his voice gradually getting louder.

“I am sorry I am not off traveling the world like you think I should be! Somehow when I tried to leave I couldn’t!” You shouted at him.

“Why not? ‘There’s nothing here for you anyway’ remember? That’s what you told me in the note you left.” Bakugo’s voice cracked, no longer hiding any of the pain he was feeling.

“Why not? I’LL TELL YOU WHY NOT! IT’S BECAUSE I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO! I KNOW IT’S NOT LOGICAL, BUT LEAVING YOU IS NOT SOMETHING I WANT TO DO. I CAME HERE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT ACTUALLY TRYING AGAIN! I CAN’T BELIEVE I THOUGHT-” You were interrupted by the familiar feeling of Bakugo’s lips against your own. You flung your arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. After a few moments, you broke the kiss to come up for air.

“Bakugo, I should take you home.” You told him not really wanting the night to end, but knowing he wasn’t in the right frame of mind after all the alcohol he had consumed.

“You can take me home, but you’re not leaving my place tonight.” He said as he pressed a kiss into your temple. “I don’t want anything more than just to wake up to you.” You smiled at him as you linked your arm with his. You walked toward your car with every step you took. You couldn’t help but feel hopeful for your future

#bakugo x female reader #bnha bakugo x reader #bnha bakugo katsuki #bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo x y/n #mha bakugo #bnha bakugou

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