#i refuse to think about what just happened because i will start sobbing violently and throwing up everywhere

[picture-me-in-the-trees]

WAS THAT PAUL FROM TASKMASTER???

#ofmd #making jokes is the only way i can cope with what i just watched #i refuse to think about what just happened because i will start sobbing violently and throwing up everywhere

[phoeebsbuffay]

Imagine when the Republic falls and your life is deeply affected by it. Your husband is no where to be seen and you fear the worst might have happened to him, specially after news regarding Order 66 have reached you. Despite the bad omens, however, you decide to look for him. And what you might find will surprise you.

Warnings: drama, explicit smut, violence, angst, unburnt Vader.

Warnings 2: this got long. 👀🤭

Recommendations: “The Ghost of You” by My Chemical Romance.

No minors.

***

Intro.

It starts to rain and you are on the market when the hologram pops up. Whenever it happens, great news are expected to be told. You are standing amongst the crowd as a black hooded man is seen.

“Greetings to all, citizens. We salute you. News ought to be delivered in regard to the present situation concerning the clonic wars…” And here he tells how the Jedis are guilty for treason because they played a major role throughout the conflict, often betraying the Senate purposes.

“For this reason, as the common law dictates, every Jedi is a traitor and treason is punishable by death. However, in order to prevent chaos, if you spot a Jedi, communicate us as fast as possible.”

He goes on in announcing himself as Emperor, welcoming now the citizens of Coruscant as citizens of the Galactic Empire. Once he ends the communication, every one is mute.

What had just happened?

You fear for your husband. Having him in your mind, you drop your basket and leave your things behind. Discreetly, you pass through your neighbors and others and start to increase the rhythm of your pace.

You hear noises. Chaos finds you. Next thing you see is some sort of riot happening, sounds of blasters, screams of people, making it difficult to distinguish what they are screaming for.

Where are you?

You push these people aside, trying to make your way to the ancient Jedi Temple located at a farther spot from the center of Coruscant. You don’t mind the troopers, you don’t mind people. All you want to know is if he survived.

Perhaps it is fortunate that you are an invisible woman to all, a being who is unworthy the attention of the troopers. You remain ignored as you walk back your home, eyes already puddled with tears.

How many times did you not wish to be a Jedi? How often didn’t you wonder when he was away what would be like to follow him in his dangerous missions? How regularly haven’t you spent your nights wide awake praying for him going back safe and sound to your arms?

And he would frequently go back to you. He always kept his promises. But you don’t have enough time to think about it for you are forced to retreat back to your home since getting to the Temple Jedi is proving an impossible task. Once you do, though, he isn’t there.

He is not coming home. He is not coming home.

You refuse to take these words as part of your reality. You’ve heard whispers concerning the Order 66, whose main objective was to destroy the Jedis.

No. You are coming back to me. You are.

You start looking for him in every spot of your house, but he is no where to be seen. He is nowhere to be found.

As you stay outdoors watching the end of world, your knees weaken and you fall down. You burst into violent tears. Somehow you know. Somehow you become another loser of this war. You look up at the darkest skies and you sob.

“I’ll get my revenge, Emperor. Even if I die trying, I’ll get my way to you.”

And so you cry.

***

Flashback.

• The Twilight of the Clonic Wars (I) •

You are but a librarian who has nothing to do with the Force or the Jedis working at the temple. It’s a nice job, suit to your passion for knowledge. You love reading, it is how you’ve been raised by your parents: if you want to be free, Y/N, read; if you want to fight for yourself to get what you want, sharp your mind; books are any human being’s best friend.

It’s what your parents used to tell you. They were neither rich nor part of the lower class of Coruscant. They didn’t have the Force, but were an average part of the population. Nonetheless they were great parents who always sought to give you and your brothers everything you deserved. You couldn’t complain for having a nice life.

You fondly remember them as you organize the shelves. Because of the clonic wars, war eventually found a way to drag your father to fight for the Republic and your mother would follow him. Not too long after that, your brothers parted to serve too. In short years, this job was everything you had.

Despite the sadness of the situation, you are in peace with it. So here you are, moving on with your life. You are very thankful for Master Windu arranging this job for you. But your routine does not necessarily lead you to the Jedis. And you are fine with it. All you desire is to be occupied.

That is the context when he comes to find you. A tall man dressed in black robes, dark brown hair falling over his shoulders, who possesses the brightest pair of blue eyes you’d ever seen tumbles against you.

“I’m sorry, sir.” You are quick to apologize despite the fact he is the one distracted. You take the books and prepare yourself to leave, but you miss the amusement in his irises.

“What for? Hey, are you new here?”

You look back, barely blinking. Is he talking to me?

As if reading your thoughts, he smiles at you.

“Yes, I am talking to you.”

You blush, feeling awkward in interacting with others, a trait you’ve never truly developed well. At least not during the war anyway where you lost your family and friends to it.

“I… Well, sort of. I’ve been working here half a year now”, you tell him. “Do you need my help, sir?”

The male finds you adorable to behold, intrigued to find a non-possessor of the Force right in the library of the Temple Jedi. You are shorter than him, your y/c hair is tied in a bun and the round glasses you wear hide the color that paints your eyes. Your face is covered with simple make up, an indicator that you are concerned with your public image. You dress a nice white blouse and black jeans.

There is something about you that, although at first sight might mistake you to a common lass of Coruscant, sparks an interest in the man. He is intrigued by you. Your presence is like an electric field against which he has little power to be apart.

“I do, yes.” He clears his throat, dismissing his first impressions. “I am not so sure you’ll know what I’m talking about, but are you familiar with the book ***? My Master recommended me to read it but I can’t seem to find here.”

You surprise him when you say:

“Oh yes, I know which one. Let me see in what shelf is in. New copies arrived yesterday, these are new editions with updates moves and instructions of how to use them.”

The man raises an eyebrow at you.

“You don’t have the Force”, he observes, his eyes glued at your back.

You smirk.

“No, I don’t.”

“How do you know about it then?”

You finally stop and turn at him. It is comic how this tall man, whom you promptly see as a Jedi, looks at you and you stand there with a hand on your waist.

“Just because I am not a Jedi doesn’t mean I cannot read about the Force or how the peacekeepers fight.” You tell him.

He chuckles.

“Very well. I am impressed.”

You side smirk at him.

“You don’t strike me as one who is easily impressed.”

Another laughter. You like the sound of it.

“No”, he agrees. “I am not.”

You offer your hand for him to shake.

“I am Y/N Y/LN. I am the librarian and I pray I can be of your use.”

He takes it before giving a shake, with a smile dancing on his lips.

“And I am Anakin Skywalker. A pleasure to make your acquaintance, miss Y/N.”

As you give the book he requests, you realize your eyes never for once left those blue of his.

***

Present Days.

It is difficult to pursuit the path of vengeance, to be bent to an unending grief in spite of an inexplicable feeling that he is out there, somewhere.

Perhaps you are waiting for me anywhere, Ani. I will find you, though.

You are wearing a dark cape over your shoulders and black robes as a result. You carry yourself a blaster, but you don’t use it. You walk amongst others as if you are a ghost. You even suspect the Empire has no records of you, otherwise why didn’t they come for you?

It shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that I am Mrs Skywalker. Why didn’t they come to end with my life?

How suspicious. But you don’t waste your time thinking about it. You should be looking for Obi-Wan Kenobi or even Ahsoka Tano, but where would you look for them, assuming them to be alive?

In my heart I know nothing is lost. These three haven’t died. My love hasn’t been demised to the Order 66.

You steal a ship. Memories hurt you as when you remember the day Anakin taught you how to pilot one. His laughters and amusement at your primary attempts in doing so and how at each time you hit the ship bring you back to tears without your notice.

The salt there is in them reaches out for your tongue, a taste that has long been familiar to you. Once so patient and resigned, you are tired of sitting and waiting for things to work.

So you start piloting the ship, leaving Coruscant behind once and for all. You are clueless as where to go, though, and this only makes you desperate. It’s when you are soon reminded of something about Mustafar, the last planet where Anakin told you he’d go to. Perhaps that is where you should head to.

But how? You don’t know the routes, you’ve never dared to pilot into the galaxy before. It is when you recollect the day Anakin taught you how to contact the Force.

“All you have to say is: I am one with the Force and the Force is with me”, he instructed you. “But you have to say believing it, patiently. Otherwise you will not be affected by it.”

“Shouldn’t I possess the Force to do so?” You remember inquiring him.

He’d laugh and stroke your cheek before saying:

“No, angel. The difference between you and I resides in the fact that you were not born with it. But if you train it patiently, you’ll be able to fix it.”

“With you as my husband, I don’t think I am able to concentrate.” You said maliciously, earning some cuddles and tons of kisses from him, which made you beam.

But this is not the moment nor the time to dwell in the past, as tempting and comforting it is for you. What you have to do is check your emotions and try to follow your husband’s meditation’s exercises.

You take a deep breath. You close your eyes, emptying your mind in the process. It’s difficult for you, though. The tension makes your heart race and a lot of preoccupations mixed to anxieties seem to stand as impediments for you to reach the Force.

The words come out of your lips as you were once taught by Anakin, but every time they are pronounced, your thoughts dealign with your heart. You don’t know how much time you take, maybe some hours, but when you are exhausted… is when you finally succeed.

“I am one with the Force and the Force is with me.” You whisper like a small prayer, prompted to sleep in this ship, floating on the center of the dark space.

It’s when you begin to feel the weight there is in your heart to lighten, the burden you carry on your shoulders to be removed. A very strange sentiment that no words can translate it takes over you.

The more you repeat, the more you sense it showing you bits of different scenarios; until eventually you see through your eyelashes a masked man.

“By the Maker!” You yell at yourself, jumping out of seat.

You are scared. It feels like you are awaking of a nightmare. In situations as these, where old traumas came uninvited, Anakin would hold you close. He would fight away your fears and console you.

But he isn’t there to do that, is he? You swallow your tears and press the button of hyperspace. You have a bad feeling about what’s to come…

***

Flashback.

The Twilight of the Clonic Wars (II). •

He comes to see you again and again. You start to feed expectations, aware that you are being unreasonable and creating illusions. You tell yourself that Anakin Skywalker is a Jedi, a General this close to be given the title of a Master. This means you are not only lower than his station, but also you forget that one simple rule you know so well: Jedis cannot form romantic attachments.

This is what you are thinking about, lamenting for it when you hear his voice:

“Do you realize that I can actually hear your thoughts?”

You freeze. Little by little you turn around and spot Anakin standing before you. Your face has never been so red as it is now. Worse, he is entertained at the cost of your embarrassment.

“I-I-I…”, you clear your throat, avoiding his gaze. “I really don’t know what I was thinking. I have just finished a novel and…”

Anakin laughs. Aren’t you adorable when you lie? He crosses his arms, resisting the impulse to touch your cheek, wondering if your y/c skin is smooth as it looks.

“For someone who reads a lot and spends a considerable time in between books, you surely are the worst liar I came across with, Y/N. Come. Do you have time for a coffee?”

You are suddenly shy right under his gaze. Something about how he looks at you makes you flustered. But you smile back at him.

“I have, yes.”

And the next thing you know you are at a nearby coffeeshop with him. It is easy to forget that there is a war going on out there when the two of you are talking amenities and other things too.

So that afternoon, Anakin and you discover the many tastes you have in common. He does appreciate your wit, how passionate you can be when talking about the little things you love and what have you accomplished with your studies.

It starts like that. Small talks, small encounters, coffee breaks. Before you know, you are anxiously waiting for him. And worrying for him too.

“Ani. People talk about your recklessness again.” You are not usually one who gossips but you have ears. And they more than frequent capture things that set your heart at an uneasiness. Like, for example, when you heard someone saying that he flirted openly with Senator Amidala, which still sends waves of pain to your heart, however hard you dissimulate it.

“There is little need for you to worry about me”, Anakin tells you, cocky as he usually is. This day you have been released earlier from your duties so he took you for a stroll around the gardens. “I often know what I’m doing, honey.”

He smirks at the facility with which he makes you blush, lowering your eyes and smiling in secrecy, hoping he does not see you in such state. But Anakin does, and sees right through you. It makes his heart melt and his eyes are all over you.

“Even so”, you raise your face at last. “I do worry for you. I have read how dangerous and deadly are the missions you are assigned to. You may not give the worth my heart deserves, but believe me, it is far too sensitive to bare the idea you might not come back and…”

You suddenly realize what you are saying and quickly you shush. Anakin is smirking again as you just openly admitted that you are in love with him. He leads you somewhere away from the prick ears of the gossip Jedi that might be out there, so he can have an instance of privacy with you.

The sun is setting in the horizon in a most romantic scenario when he lifts your chin, searching for your eyes. This time you don’t part the gaze. You also take sudden notice your fingers are locked with his.

“You have every reason to be concerned. I would too if I were in your shoes.” He then uses his metallic hand to caress your cheek and he smiles when you lean into it. “But I will always go back to you, angel. I do cherish your heart and give the worth it deserves. Now I see I took too long to make it obvious.”

“And here I was thinking you were openly flirting with certain Senators.” You cannot help yourself, distrusting the words that reach your ears.

Anakin throws his head back and laughs, much to your embarrassment. He then cups both cheeks and, resting his forehead against yours, says he:

“You are the only one I have eyes to. There is no one else that could capture my heart the way you do, Y/N. I love you, always and for ever.”

You smile brightly, placing your hands over his shoulders.

“I love you too, Ani. For as long as I breathe and even beyond, this heart beats only for you.”

That being said, he kisses your lips passionately.

***

Present Days.

You land in Mustafar after a while in a state of exhaustion, both mentally and physically. Nonetheless, the pursuit for Anakin continues. You are scared, naturally, and fear follows your steps.

You throw your hood to omit your face, grab enough credits you have and carry two blasters with yourself. Your heart races against your chest to the point of aching.

Like a phantom, you leave the ship and try to ignore the unbearable heat of the volcano planet. The atmosphere burns your nose, making it difficult to breathe, and to worse all it is not welcoming you. Somehow it feels like death, it smells so.

Unbeknownst to you, this is the planet where Anakin fought Obi-Wan; where other Jedis were sent to die, where hell breaks loose. Whilst you think yourself to be a coward, moved by a sense of injustice you are desperate to amend whatever it takes, your bravery goes beyond your limitations.

In truth, you ignore you’ve been followed in secrecy by the same masked man who’s been haunting your dreams. You overlook the possibility that your steps are not covered, that insignificant as you see yourself, the Empire knows who you are and where you are. It is only a matter of time until you find this out.

“Anakin”, you mutter under your breath. “I know you are out there. I am not giving you up.”

You wish at times that the Order 66 would have taken you to death if this meant you’d never lost him. Your eyes blurry as you begin to wonder how could you have let that happen.

You feel you are being followed but thrice you check and there is no one to see. It is you and your shadow, you, in the depths of hell. Something about the lava captures your attention. It seems so tempting…

“No.”

You say to yourself. The pain the planet seems to plague at you becomes unbearable. You feel as if you are about to go mad. You retrace your steps, going back to your ship when you hear a very strange noise.

“Holy shit”, you curse.

Whatever it is out there, you sense it’s coming after you. At the end of the world, this is not the last thing you want to see if your final destination is the inevitable death.

I know you are alive. I know you are, Anakin.

You manage to reach your ship despite nearly tumbling in the rocks. You are shaking when you get to it. You turn it on and after a few tries, you manage to leave it right before a creature that is close to octopus but in a gigantic and devil form is about to take you.

You have little time to breathe relieved: electric storms are coming for you. Despite your fears, you find the boldness there is in you.

“Fuck it. If I am to die, here is a great moment to do so.”

You push the control and you scream loud. But you successfully cross through these dark clouds and leave the planet. You don’t find him there as you expected. Your heart weights with grief, you have no idea where to look for him now.

You stand there in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by darkness. Hopelessness takes grip of your heart. Where to go now? You try not to feel discouraged, but you end up going to the next planet. You end up flying to Y/C, where you remember that Anakin went with Ahsoka.

As you finally find hope within you, after calming yourself in this complete mess, you begin to pilot away. It is when you spot this ship. At first you think it’s coincidental to find a black ship where you are now, but you realize you can’t pilot away. It soon engulfs your ship. You panic when you realize you fell in a trap.

Initially you fear you are about to be a victim of pirates, which means your fate will be either death or slavery. You start to get resigned at this prospective.

However, when you find the masked man of your nightmares standing in the ship where yours is being dragged into, you freeze.

Y/N, you hear the voice in your mind. We finally meet.

You pale. The voice sounds familiar to you. And when you are about to pick up the pieces of it, you get overwhelmed. Before the door is open, your mind is blank and you past out.

***

Flashback.

The Twilight of the Clonic Wars (III). •

You wait like always. But this time when he lands in Coruscant, he finds you at the place you both call home. You have just put your pajamas when a knock on the door is heard.

Who might that be? It is the first thought that occurs you, finding strange that at such an hour you get a visitor. So you throw over your shoulders some robes and go attend the door. To your delight there is Anakin.

“Oh my darling!” You beam before throwing your hands around his neck.

There is nothing better to him than being greeted warmly as he is by you. When he is engulfed in your arms and he holds you close, listening to your heartbeat, smelling your scent, reading your thoughts—how you longed for him, how you missed him, how you ached for him.

“I missed you, Y/nickname”, he kisses your cheek, then burying his head against your neck, his arms around you. “I missed you so damn much.”

“You came back to me”, you don’t intend to speak it, but these words roll out your tongue. “You came back, Ani.”

He gently parts the embrace to look at you. He cups your cheeks and smiles at you.

“Of course I did, my love. I am always coming back to you.” He takes your hands and presses a kiss in each, never letting go of them. “You know wherever you go, I will follow you.”

You two just have been recently married. When Anakin took you for a surprise travel to the galaxy—you’ve never been up at the space before and have always wondered what it was like, to see the countless planets and an infinite number of stars—, he landed you to planet Y/C, the most beautiful you’ve ever seen and there you were proposed. The following month, he surprised you by taking to a planet you longed to know—and that was where you married him.

15 months later and here you are, at your new home with the man you love.

“As will I”, you pursuit his lips in a tender kiss. “My heart is yours to command.”

Anakin sighs in content. He’s been having a couple of difficult weeks with the Jedis, culminated with Ahsoka’s trial and her refusal to go back to the Order.

You are aware of what’s been happening and it doesn’t help that you’ve been witnessing the arrogance of the Jedis even at the library. You don’t judge his sufferings and he appreciates you’ve always been there to console him, to listen, to give fairly good advices.

But tonight is not the moment to spend in stressing himself. He kisses you eagerly, willing for more. Anakin feels your lips twitching into a smirk, a move he does too. The connection one has with the other is evident.

You gently part the kiss, locking hands with him as you take him upstairs.

“Let me tend your needs, darling.”

He side smirks at you.

“When you start saying things like that… By the Maker, what do you intend to do with me?”

“You wait and you will see…”

The door closes and the night is about to start for you two.

***

Present Days.

Lord Vader is breathing mechanically, standing not too far from where you are. He senses your moves, an indication you are about to wake up. He is relieved for seeing you well, although this is rather questionable.

When he investigates your thoughts, he finds anguish clouding the sweet woman with whom he fell in love in the past. The memories he sees leave him baffled: where there is fear, there is sadness, angst and more. Vengeance paves the path for your suffering. The nights spent in tormented tears…

I should have come for you. I thought you’d deserved better, Y/N. Fuck. What have I done?

His gloved hands search for yours and you almost unconsciously lock your fingers with his. When you awake, you are perplexed to see it’s Anakin. You are quick to stand in the bed it was prepared to receive you. You don’t even realize your clothes are changed: Vader made sure you were well looked after.

You don’t care about it, not when you see Anakin standing right before you. His hair is slightly longer than the last time you saw him; curls dropped to his shoulders and when you placed one behind his ear, his eyes turn to yours: they are painted in yellow, no more the tempest blue that once dragged you to him.

You don’t mind that, despite placing your hands to cup his cheeks, but there are tears in your eyes.

“Anakin, It’s you.” It is only by feeling his skin against the touch of your hands that you know it’s him. You sob. “You are alive. You are not a ghost, you are here.”

He doesn’t respond, but he involves you in his embrace. The sound of your tears breaks his heart, it contains such a depth of anguish that reminds him precisely the day he fought Obi-Wan and rose to become a Sith Lord. He senses the same magnitude of pain that hisses inside you, but he does not wish to see you following the same path.

“I am not Anakin anymore.” Words come out in a whisper, but you still hear them.

You are pulled away from the embrace by your embrace.

“What are you saying?”, you ask, confused. “Is it related to the yellow that colors your eyes?”

Your innocence is painful for him. He easily forgets that you are not involved in this world where there are Siths and Jedis, even if you at times felt excluded from it—a sentiment he always tried to placate.

“I am a Sith Lord now”, he tells you, stroking your cheek, his hand moving to your neck. “They call me Darth Vader, Y/N. You deserve a better husband.”

He watches you intently, waiting for your reaction. You are processing the informations, recollecting with what you’ve read in books—though you’ve read not many that discussed the Siths.

“How… How long have this been going on?” And without your notice, you sniff. “Is it something I’ve done? Have… Have you found a-a-another wife?”

Vader is taken aback by your thoughts. He tells you he is a Sith Lord and all you care about is whether he found a new wife?! He looks at you in a mix of astonishment and amusement.

“No, my darling. I love you with all my being. Fuck, you are the only one who softens me.” He whispers. “You are my weakness, you are the best part of me. You are the desire of my heart, of my soul…”

You like how possessive he is to you, how possessively he searches for you, his face now so close to yours, his fingers moving from your neck to your sides. You are strangely aroused by it.

Vader senses it too, a sly smirk twitching at the corner of his lips as he spreads your legs to get himself in between. But his eyes remain glued in yours.

“You know I feel the same”, you whisper, your fingers playing with his curls before stroking his cheek and moving to his neck and shoulders. Then almost unconsciously you start working at his fabric. “Why did you leave me behind? Why did you let me believe you were dead? Why did you never tell me any of this? All of those things you’ve never told me…”

You choke with the salt of your tears. A mix of feelings rises like volcano. Anakin watches you with interest all the while he helps to remove the shirt you are wearing.

“You deserved someone better than I. I was trying to protect you.” His hands begin to untie your bra, and there is something about how he speaks to you that leaves you soaked in between your legs. And when his gloved hands stroke your exposed nipples, you throw your head back and moan loudly.

“I don’t want to be protected from my own husband.” You lean back and have your hand finally under his pants. Whatever sadness there is in your eyes, there is no more. You smirk when sensing his subtle erection pumping into your delicate fingertips. Never before you felt so naughty. “I want you, as you are. No more, no less.”

He groans before pursuing your lips hungrily, a hand caressing your right breast all the while using the other to pull your hair. You have missed him for a very long time and now, Sith Lord or not, he is going to compensate for the misery you’ve been through.

You are momentarily distracted from what you are doing when his lips move to your neck, leaving bruises with his teeth in your skin before slipping his tongue to your breasts. To each, he takes your nipple with a devouring mouth, all the while he gives another use to his free hand, abusing the Force to remove the pants you’ve been wearing.

“Oh my Maker!” You squeak when you see the buttons flying to the floor. And you cry out when his metallic hand finds the way to your womanhood.

“All wet for me”, he hums against your skin. Vader smirks at how you are easily overpowered by him. “Oh the days you always succumbed to me…”

You are going mad with his treatment to you, your cries going louder as a result. You don’t think about anything that is not the husband you missed. Whatever identity he is now, he remains the same to you.

“Fuck me.” You curse loud, feeling his two delicious fingers moving inside you in back and forth moves before inserting a third one. It doesn’t help he uses the Force to you too. Your moans have never been so…loud. “Oh my husband, I’ve missed you!”

When opening your eyes and meeting his, you see he is now on his knees. Bloody hell. The mere sight of lust in his irises, mirroring the sly smirk you are so familiar, are enough to make your nipples harder than before and bring you to the core of your orgasm.

“I see you still succumb under my touch.” He says, arrogantly so.

You spread your legs wider, not minding begging to him for doing other things to you.

“Please, my love.” You beg him, eyeing his well built muscles and his erection that is close to leave the pants you unbuttoned.

Vader feels what you feel. For once he is complied to be told what to do. Usually the one who does so, only his wife could actually have such an accomplishment.

He feels his cock throbbing against his leather pants, but he doesn’t pay that mind to it when he is concentrated in giving you what you need. Soon where there had been his fingers, there is his tongue.

Your legs shake at the mere feeling of his tongue in there. You had missed how heavenly torturing was when he did these things to you. The first time he did it so to you, you were secretively making out at the library. He had to hide away when a Master came in—because your relationship was a secret back then—so you went behind a desk all the while he went under it and took the opportunity. After that, he would joke to you about how addicted you’ve become to it. You’d blame him for being so good in making you come undone.

You are also reminded that he liked to tease you in public, testing your limits. In a feast where Obi-Wan kindly invited you, Anakin made sure to eat you out when he took you to the gardens of his household.

And just like this… you are ruined again. Except you are allowed to scream loud. So as you ride his face, your juices get to his mouth and he swallows all of it.

You are still heavily panting when he rises and pulling you on your back, he is ready to dominate you as prompted as you are in being dominated when you feel his manhood throbbing into your pussy. Your husband pulls your hair back all the whilst his hand is holding your hip, occasionally slapping your buttocks.

“Did you miss this?” He asks you in a husky voice, his eyes eating you out. You feel yourself wet once more.

“Yes.” You answer breathlessly. “Oh yes, my love.”

You meet his gaze, kissing his lips hungrily before you turn against him and push him to the floor. And right there you mount his cock like you used to.

“You’ve never fooled me.” He whispers against your skin, bathed in sweat, hot as fever. “You are just like me.”

You moan loudly, partially aroused by his words, but more so for how righteously he fucks you.

“You are my other half.” You tell him, leaning forward to bite his bottom lip, digging your nails against his skin as you pull him closer to you.

He looks at you softly. He is still your Anakin, and to see that makes you smile. Vader knows it, hence why he kisses you passionately as you two slow down and make love on the floor.

*

But there is still a problem to solve, though. You know he is conflicted and your thirst for revenge is only half satisfied. All of the journey you’ve been through had the single purpose to find Anakin and arranging the death of the Emperor. Although this second option is as suicidal now as it was the day you formulated it, you are still unsure about giving it up.

“I know I am asking you too much.” You tell him. “In truth I don’t care what you are as long as you are happy, my darling. Is serving the Emperor contenting you?”

He stands at the window, contemplating the view of his quarters. In silence there he stays, so you stand and move to where he is.

“Vader or Anakin, I love you the same.”

“And if I kill him? What will be of us?” Vader asks you, insecurity remaining in his painful eyes to see.

You cup his cheeks and lean to kiss his forehead.

“We will be in peace, living the life we want it, far away from it.”

He hesitates, but when looking at how loving you are to him, when remembering the journey you’ve been through to find him… Every sacrifice must be rewarded even if you don’t expect it.

But for you both revenge can only be sealed with the Emperor’s death. It is only then peace can be purchased.

He takes your hand and looking right into your eyes, Vader kisses it. An unspoken vow is made by you.

***

Epilogue.

Anakin watches you play with your children at the farm you all live at the planet Y/C. By his side, the brother that was always like a father to him as well: Obi-Wan Kenobi. After a dramatic reconciliation post Palpatine’s death, the two reunited after you encouraged your husband to do so.

“Five children in five years.” Obi-Wan says impressed. “By the Maker, how you and…? Oh, I don’t think I want to know.”

Anakin laughs heartily, but he is distracted when Luke comes for him.

“Daddy! Can I go pilot with Ben?” He has his younger brother by his side.

“Uh, no?! You are barely six years old, young man.” He is on his knee to match the children’s height. “I can, however, take you for a ride… If your grandpa Obi-Wan here cares to join us.”

The boys chuckle because they know “grandpa Obi”, as he is affectionately called by the Skywalker children, is not very fond of flying with their father.

“I thought I have already cleansed my sins.” Obi-Wan sighs dramatically.

“Please, grandpa Obi!” Luke pulls his long sleeve. “We won’t let daddy fly very fast.”

Obi-Wan gives a quizzical glance at Anakin, who struggles not to laugh at the man’s expression.

“I doubt that, young man. Perhaps next time.”

In the meantime the young sons of Anakin are still trying to convince Obi-Wan to fly with them, the daughters you have with him are disputing who would be a better apprentice to Ahsoka in the future.

Anakin’s former Padawan, who is like a sister to you—the two of you bonded overall in the moment where she was obliged to spend a considerable time in the library—, has too been reconciled with your husband. And she is gladly now by your side, though she is usually out there helping to reestablish the Republic.

“Ahsoka is not taking any of you to be her apprentice”, you are telling Leia, Jeyne and Margery. “By the Maker, you are all very young for that. Leia, would you please stop pulling your sister’s hair?”

Ahsoka chuckles at the situation.

“Perhaps when they are older.” And giving you a look, she adds in a whisper: “You know your offspring has the Force.”

You sigh dramatically.

“Don’t bother reminding me, Ahsoka. I wish they did not, but look whom I married to.”

The two of you exchange looks of complicity and burst into giggles. In moments like these, time doesn’t feel like it’s passed.

Later that day, after the visitors left and the children are clean and in bed, you and Anakin finally have a moment to yourselves.

“My, the day was long”, you are telling blissfully as you put your nightgown and let your hair down. “Finally we live the life we want to.”

“It is a good life, isn’t it? I am surprised to actually content myself with it, although to be fair I am considering going back to the field.” He gets from you a long look. “What? Babe, you know quiet is not too much for me.”

You sigh heavily.

“You know, I am not surprised.” You take a seat next to him. “If it’s good for you, it works for me too. I think it’s time to get our lives back from what it used to be anyway. I’m considering doing something different now, though. I might invest in becoming a teacher, although this is hardly glamorous compared to you, the Jedi Master who is the chosen one.”

You snort, but Anakin holds you close and says:

“I don’t fucking care about any of that, love of my life. I want you to be happy. I want us to work together and have a functional family for once. Whatever is good for you, it is for me too. We are on this together.”

He begins to kiss your shoulder and then your neck, smirking when seeing the shivers that run in you.

“Are you sure?” You hesitate.

You tilt your head to the right, side eyeing as he puts the strap of your nightgown down, slowly working to remove the rest of it, as he kisses the back of your shoulder and neck, placing your hair aside.

“Yes. Are you?”

“Mmhm.” You gently spread your legs as he rests a hand in your thigh. “Oh Maker. I always fail in resist your seduction tricks. Little wonder why I get easily pregnant. Who would resist you, Anakin Skywalker?”

And that is how this time you dominate him and he gladly complied to your horniness, much to his delight.

“I am yours to command, Mrs Skywalker.”

And that night’s just begun…

#star wars #star wars imagine #imagine Star Wars #Darth Vader #Anakin Skywalker #Darth Vader x reader #Darth Vader x you #Darth Vader x y/n #Darth Vader smut #Anakin Skywalker x you #Anakin Skywalker x reader #Anakin Skywalker x y/n #Anakin Skywalker smut #Hayden Christensen

[glamoureddreamer]

A sick Cross

Undertale (Bad sans poly)

Warnings: angst, fluff, emetophobia warning(fear of vomiting), depression, self worth issues (please let me know if I’ve missed anything)

If you or a loved one is in need of help in anyway please get help from one of the multiple help hotlines. You matter and you deserve help. Thank you everyone, have a great day and know it gets better <3

“Cross.” Nightmare says appearing in front of him. Cross jumps coming out of his daze.

“Y-yes boss?” Cross stands up to show respect, he wobbles a little. His skull was pounding, he had to stifle a groan.

“I’ve called your name a few times,” Cross’s sockets widen.

“I’m sorry-“

“Are you alright?” Nightmare asked with a gentle tone that Cross had never heard from him.

“What..?”

“Are you alright? You’ve been acting off all day, if you need anyone to speak to you can always confide in me.”

“Y-yes I’m okay,” He lied. Cross felt his anxiety spike up, if Nightmare knew he was sick surely he would get upset. He didn’t have time to rest, he needed to do his job.

“What is the matter?” Nightmares asked seeing right through his lie.

“I-“

“Don’t lie this time.”

“I’m sorry boss, I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.” It wasn’t entirely a lie, he was really tired he also just happened to feel sick. Nightmare gave him a look of skepticism.

“You haven’t had much to eat today… Just because you are new doesn’t mean you need to hide yourself from me, you are safe here. You can trust me.”

Cross didn’t know how to answer, a part of him truly wanted to believe that but he knew better. Why was Nightmare being nice- he didn’t deserve it.

“But,” Nightmare says, not sounding entirely convinced. “If you truly are just tired, why not head to bed, then? I‘ll have the others handle the rest of your chores.”

Cross stared at him for a moment in hesitation. He felt guilty, he needed to push through and do his job. It was his turn to do the household chores.

“No boss I can-” He asked.

“It was not a request, go lay down. It’s an order.” Nightmare said sternly but still in a caring manner, Cross froze before nodding.

“Yes, boss.” He said before slowly turning away and walking to his room.

Cross felt bad about turning down the Horror’s food again.

Horror always seemed very unhappy if he refused to eat. Horror’s food was good, so good but he just wasn’t hungry and the thought of eating didn’t seem appealing. Eating only made him feel worse, besides he didn’t deserve it.

Cross pushed open his door which felt much heavier than before. He sighs and gets out of his million layers of clothes, he felt so hot but so cold. He knew he was sick but he could push it aside, he’ll probably feel better in the morning anyway.

Cross lays down in his bed in nothing but a blank t-shirt and shorts. He covers up and shuts the lights off. His mind drifts off to Nightmare and his gang.

They all seemed so welcoming to him when Nightmare took him in less than a month ago. Like he was a part of their family. Why? Why was Nightmare nice to him? Nightmare is the embodiment of negativity, wasn’t he supposed to be evil and uncaring? Was this just a plan to take him down?

He thinks of many terrible things before finally slipping into unconsciousness.

~~~

Cross woke up suddenly from a bad dream about his home au.

He was quick to sit up breathing heavily, he felt so disoriented.

Even though he was tired, scared, and confused he felt his stomach start to turn.

Cross‘s sockets widen he quickly takes the covers off and gets out the bed. He tried to run to the bathroom but falls to the floor, everything was spinning.

Cross on his hands and knees pukes onto the once shiny marble floor. Cross shook violently as he threw up all his stomach contents.

Cross began to cry, he didn’t fully understand why.

Was it pain? Was it because it scared him?

He wanted Nightmare.

That thought shocked him but he’ll think about it later. It felt like his whole body was on fire, especially his stomach. He couldn’t stop the sobs that tore through him with every few ragged breaths he took.

Cross begins to dry heave over the puddle of puke.

A hand gently touched his back, his breath hitches as he looks up in fear and relief.

It was Nightmare, and his soul sank.

“B-boss..?” He managed to choke out through his sobs. Nightmare kneeled next to him taking in the situation.

Nightmare began to rub his back soothingly. Cross immediately felt relief.

Though it felt good Cross was still quick to try and pull away.

It hurt his soul to do so, he wanted to be held, and be told it was okay. He didn’t deserve it, especially not now. He made a mess, Nightmare was surely pissed at him.

He began to hyperventilate at the thought of Nightmare being mad at him. He was going to put him back in his empty au- all alone.

“I’m sorry! I-I didn’t m-mean to ruin the f-floor!” Cross says crying harder, Nightmare carefully takes Cross’s hand and rubs it.

“Shh, shh…” Nightmare hushed him gently.

“Please! Pl-please don’t abandon me!”

“Shhh, Cross, it’s okay. I’m not going to abandon you…”

Cross tried to speak, but all that came out were miserable sobs and heavy breaths as tears poured down his face.

He was nauseous, dizzy, and hot. He just wanted to go back to sleep, he didn’t was Nightmare to leave.

“Are you able to stand?” Nightmare softly asked when Cross’s sobs had subsided.

Cross tries to force himself to stand, but his arms shake. He felt so weak, he whimpered. It took a few moments and Nightmare had to help him stand, but he carefully brought the sick skeleton to his bathroom.

Cross hovered over the toilet, it felt like he had to puke but nothing was coming out.

Nightmare sat next to him, gently rubbing his back. Cross dry heaves into the toilet, tears rolling down his cheeks. He felt so frustrated and just wanted to feel better.

He needed to be better so Nightmare doesn’t abandon him.

“Cross,” Nightmare said gently, squeezing his shoulder a little. “Take some deep breaths for me, okay?”

Cross tearfully followed Nightmare’s instructions to breathe in and out. While Cross practiced breathing Nightmare praised him.

“You're doing so good Cross, it’s okay just focus on breathing and me okay?”

Cross’s soul ached he only wanted to cry more from the praise, he didn’t deserve it.

Nightmare eventually stopped and Cross was able to fully calm down. Now he only hiccuped softly. Once he was calm Nightmare gently touches Cross’s head.

“You’re burning up,” He said with a worried sigh.

“Do you still feel like getting sick?” Cross thought for a moment before shaking his head slowly.

“Then I’ll be right back, okay?”

Cross wanted to shake his head in protest, but he didn’t was Nightmare to leave. He didn’t want to be alone, tears fill his sockets again when Nightmare left anyway. Cross pulled his knees to his chest, trying his best not to cry.

A hand touched his shoulder he looked up hoping for Nightmare but instead found Dust and Horror.

Horror was kneeling by him. Dust pulls his hand away and gets on Cross’s other side.

“Can I sit?” Cross nods carefully, finding it a little strange he asked.

Before Cross could even ask why they were there, Horror laid his broken skull on Cross’s shoulder.

“It…‘kay..we… here…now...” Horror spoke slowly. It greatly comforted Cross, but he still wondered why they were here and more importantly why they cared.

“Nightmare told us to come watch you, he said you are scared to be alone.” Dust said as if reading his mind.

Oh. So they didn’t want to be here...

“You can go then,” Cross whispered curling himself up tighter.

“I don’t want to feel like you guys have to do this.” Tears roll down his face, Horror hugs him tightly.

Dust shifted slightly then his head was pulled up by his chin. Dust forced him to look at him.

“That’s not what I meant. We want to help you, we want to be here for you. But you need to let us in.” Dust wipes Cross’s face cleaning the vomit off him. He throws the toilet paper into the trash and carefully wipes the skeleton's tears.

“I was very untrusting of Nightmare and the others too, I don’t think there’s any Sans out there who throws his trust towards anyone but Nightmare is good.” Cross couldn’t find his voice, it’s not that he didn’t trust them. He did, more than he’d like to admit.

“He makes sure we are all safe, taken care of, and happy,” Killer said from the doorway, he wore the same grin he always did but it was different. He seemed worried. His soul that was usually a target was now an inverted heart.

“I…” Cross says looking for the right words to say, debating if he should even say this.

“I don’t deserve that.. any of it.” He whispers, and he pulls his head away from Dust’s hands.

“Being happy?” Dust asked.

“That’s dumb I knew you were an idiot.” Killer chuckled. Nightmare came up from behind Killer, Error was at his side.

“Cross I have never seen anyone so selfless-“

“Oh! My pride!” Killer joked trying to ease the tension.

“Hush, You are deserving of happiness and love. I am so sorry you beloved otherwise.”

Cross looked at the floor as Nightmare spoke. Horror and Dust both got up from beside him.

They were probably leaving him...

Right when Cross thought they were leaving someone picked him up. He made a noise in surprise.

“Horror?” He said nothing as all of them walked out of his now clean room and down the halls stopping at one room.

It was Nightmare’s bedroom. Cross only knew it was his room because the door was a deep purple, Nightmare had told him if he ever needed him that he would be here or in his office.

“What if I get sick?” Cross asked being laid down in the huge comfortable bed.

“I put a bucket right on the floor. Just lean over it if you start to feel bad.”

“But what if I-“ Nightmare stops him.

“Whatever your about to say it’ll be okay, we’re not worried about anything in here getting thrown up on. We are here to comfort you.”

Cross only nodded.

“Can we get into bed with you?” Nightmare asked politely, Cross nodded.

“To do what?”

“Cuddle you of course- damn that fever must’a knocked up your brain.” Killer chuckles.

Nightmare cuddles Cross on one side on the other Horror cuddles him. Dust cuddles Horror and Killer cuddles Nightmare. Error made a hammock with his strings and laid in it close to the bed.

Cross felt much better like he could be happy. Cross could feel him being pulled into a peaceful sleep by Nightmare rubbing his back.

“Thank you,” Cross whispered sleep taking over him.

“You don’t have to thank us for taking care of you, we all love you Cross.” Nightmare whispers back to the already sleeping skeleton.

He places a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“Goodnight Cross.”

#nightmare sans #nightmare x cross #nightmare gang #bad sans poly #bad sans gang #horror sans #horror x cross #killer sans #killer x cross #dust sans #dust x cross #error sans #error x cross #errortale #dusttale #dreamtale #horrortale #dadmare #underverse #undertale au #undertale

[whileyoureinschoolidothisallday]

okay the thing I wanted to talk about for Touya:

So over on the discord server we’ve been watching s5 of mha cause some of my friends hadn’t seen it yet, and I REALLY wanna watch s6 with them, and last night we finally finished.

I noticed something.

I and probably a ton of other people have talked about how Touya probably related to the High End Nomu he sent after Endeavor and very much sent that one on purpose. HOWEVER, I don’t see a lot of analysis about the Line Guy he also sent his way.

Here’s what I think: I think the Nomu battle was foreshadowing his battle vs Shouto, which was focused on who was the strongest and who could last out between the two of them, and I think the Line Guy is foreshadowing his “battle” with Endeavor.

I put battle in quotations because, like with the Line Guy, I don’t think it’s gonna be much of a fight.

The Line Guy is almost a 1-1 projection of Touya. One of the first thing he says to Endeavor is that he’s so happy he remembers him. The first thing he does when he gets out of prison is search for Endeavor, even before he eats. He’s obsessed with Endeavor. He’s obsessed with dying. He doesn’t want anyone else to kill him but Endeavor. He will hurt other people to get Endeavor to hurt him. He uses one of his sons to get to him.

For most of that battle, Endeavor is frozen on the ground. And per the last chapter:

he’s pretty much in the same position.

How that battle ends isn’t because of Endeavor, it’s because of the kids. They beat the Line Guy because Endeavor is just too frozen up to act. While I don’t think he’s gonna freeze up this time, I do think he’s going to refuse to fight Touya. And like the Line Guy, it’s gonna make him furious. He needs Endeavor to kill him. It won’t fit his narrative otherwise. Often when kids are in situations like Touya was, they start to believe that any attention is better than no attention, even negative painful punishments. In Touya’s mind, killing Endeavor, and therefore getting Endeavor to kill him in the process, is the ultimate acknowledgement.

But Endeavor’s not that violent guy anymore.

I personally have not seen enough from Endeavor yet to like him like some of y’all do, but it would be untrue to say that he is the same man that we started the series with. We’ve been with that man for many arcs now...but Touya hasn’t. The only father he knows is violent, ruthless, cold. He will hurt his family for the betterment of his Hero status without a second thought. He admired those traits in his father because his kid brain understood that as the source of his power. Just like the Line Guy.

And I think it’s gonna end in the same way, with Touya feeling rejected by a man who no longer exists. What’ll “save him” isn’t Endeavor, it isn’t him doing a round-a-bout himself. It’ll be the weight of his grief breaking him. He will never get what he wants now and that’ll be too much to bare. He’ll crack. That battle genius we’ve been seeing, him being always two steps ahead, all of that will start to slip away as his mental health reaches his breaking point, until he makes the one mistake that leaves him broken and sobbing in Shouto’s ice.

Cause that’s what happens with the Line Guy

#dabi #touya todoroki #mha meta #mha musings #tl;dr touya and azula sit at the same lunch table in the asylum lmfao #since the reveal I have wanted his ending to be like azulas and I am so fucking stoked that might actually happen #but seriously if you haven't listened to this guy talk with touya in mind #holy shit does it hit different #everyone has taken steps to break the cycle of violence in the Todoroki family #EXCEPT Touya #and unfortunately that's gonna end up being the ultimate abandonment he just can't get up from #in his mind it's gonna mean he's left behind again

[rolling-restart]

Okay can we talk about how sad little Pierre would be if little Yuki lost his favourite paci. He would be distraught because it’s the only one he likes, you try to give him an identical one but he knows the difference. He is sobbing. And poor Yuki was being the little menace he is thinking it was funny but now feels so bad because of how upset Pierre is

Can I claim 🩰

Hello there, 🩰! I added your emoji to the pinned post!

SO…

You knew this day was going to come, the day Yuki will actually upset someone with his mischievous deeds. You were hoping it wouldn’t be Pierre because little Pierre just cannot handle change and gets very distressed with the idea of a constant in his life going away irreparably.

Yuki comes to you with a very anxious expression. 

“What did you do this time?”

He shuffles his feet and can’t meet your eyes. You fear the worst.

“Did something happen, Yukino? Is everything alright?”

He finally looks up at you and mumbles.

“Is lost…”

“What is lost, darling?”

“Dummy…”

You mouth “fuck” (we don’t swear in littles’ presence because they copy it). It’s not the end of the world but it is close. You know Yuki is not talking about his dummy because he never uses it. And the last time you saw Yuki, he had Pierre's pacifier. You are royally fucked.

“Is Pierre awake, darling?”

“Yeah…”

Just wonderful. You look at Yuki and try to be mad but it is just too hard! He looks genuinely scared and upset, and somehow even younger than he normally is. 

“Wait here for a moment, darling!”

You rush to the room where Pierre was napping. He is definitely awake and looks very disoriented and lost. His hair looks like a bird’s nest and he is looking for something in his and Yuki’s crib (Yes they are sharing a big crib because Yuki refuses to sleep away from Pierre).

“Morning Pierre!! What’s up?”

“Maman, où est la tutute?

Fuck. He knows. You give him an identical one that you keep for dark days like this but he spits it out immediately! Now he is even more distressed!

“Je veux ma tutute!!”

“Tutute went on an adventure, mon chou. It will come back soon! ”

Pierre looks confused but he doesn’t start crying immediately. Somehow, he is 50% convinced that his pacifier will come back on its own. 

You call Seb immediately and ask him to bring little Charles to divert Pierre. Seb agrees once he understands the severity of the issue. While they are playing, you take little Yuki’s hand and try to make him remember where he might have dropped it. Yuki is already very distressed and he starts crying after his first three guesses turn out to be wrong. 

Little Pierre, having a special ability to hear Yuki cry no matter how far he is, barges into the room before Seb can do anything to stop him. Yuki runs and hugs him while sobbing.

“I lost your tutute ! Am sorry!!” 

And hell breaks loose. Pierre starts crying, Yuki sobs even more violently and somehow Charles who found his way into the middle of chaos is also on the verge of tears. With Seb’s help, you take the control of the situation and take them back to the playroom. While Seb is still taking care of them, you keep looking for that goddamn pacifier. Half an hour later, Yuki approaches you with big puffy eyes, something clutched in his fist. You think it is Pierre’s paci finally but no!

“Here, we can buy a new paci so Pierre won’t cry no more!”

He tucks a couple bucks into your hand and runs away, leaving you all emotional. When they are little, they usually don’t deal with money but you assume it is from the small exchanges that Yuki conducts with other littles. 

Late afternoon, you finally find the pacifier under their crib and sink on the floor with relief. After boiling it, you quietly enter the playroom, where littles are napping on top of each other in front of the tv and show Seb the pacifier with an expression of triumph. He gives you thumbs up with tired eyes. You put the pacifier in Pierre’s mouth who instinctively starts sucking on it. Crisis: halfway averted!

#caregiver!seb #caregiver!reader #little!pierre #little!yuki #little!charles #little!drivers #sfw. #answered asks #🩰

[praublem-child]

I don't know how to fix the part of me that seems convinced that I don't need treatment, or that it's more work than it's worth. I don't even know why I do it to be completely honest. I thought for a long time that it was pill anxiety, but now I'm also doing it with my compression socks and with my cpap and it's starting to fucking scare me.

I don't take my medication for over a week because I'm convinced I'll be fine if I skip a day or two and I feel like it's too much work to go take them, then I end up skipping until I'm sick in bed again and can't move or I'm so depressed I just sob all day until I feel nothing. I don't wear my compressin socks at all, convinced that they're not worth my time or that it'd be too much effort to go get them and put them on until my legs are swollen and uncomfortable or I'm passing out when I stand. I skip my cpap for two or three nights until I'm so exhausted and back to getting only 4-5 hours of sleep at night that I can't stand it anymore.

I don't know why I do it and I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to stop and that fucking terrifies me because my dad never took care of his health either and he died at 39. Watching him fall apart in front of our eyes because he refused to take care of himself was just as mentally taxing and traumatizing as him just being an abusive and neglectful father was. The times that I had 911 pulled up on my phone to dial when he wouldn't drink an orange juice and wasn't responding while I was 6, 7, 9, 11, 12, 13, 14, they show up in my nightmares just as often as all of the times he screamed at me from downstairs to do whatever he wanted, the times he pinned my arms behind my back because I annoyed him, and the times he grounded me for showing symptoms of being neurodivergent or mentally unwell.

I don't want to be like him. I'm fucking scared of becoming like him. Actually, scared doesn't even begin to cover it. I have panic attacks thinking about doing that to my current family and any future family I may have. And I like to think that I'm nothing like him, but sometimes things pop up. Sometimes I don't beleve my brother when he says he's going through something, sometimes I say things to my friends that I probably know aren't great to say but I do it anyway and I never quite know if I've crossed a line or not until they stop talking to me for a while, sometimes I'm too selfish for me to feel proud about it.

Sometimes, sometimes I fuck myself up on purpose, and sometimes it's on accident. Sometimes I start to hate myself to violently that I convince myself that I don't deserve help or love or friends and I isolate and push away and refuse treatment. I stop eating, let alone eating properly, I stay in bed for months on purpose and let myself rot because doing anything else is incomprehensible. I let my schoolwork fall apart because it seems stupid and I feel like I deserve to fail. Sometimes though, sometimes it really is an accident, and I can't always tell which is which. Sometimes my medication box goes off for me to take my meds and I'm in the middle of something so I turn it off. Sometimes that something distracts me immediately after and I forget to take my meds at all. Sometimes I go to sleep before my box goes off and I'm not coherent enough when it does to think beyond getting the noise to stop, or I go to bed too late and sleep right through it in the morning. Sometimes I lay down because I don't feel well and I fall asleep without my cpap and I won't remember that it's important until I wake up. Sometimes I'm in a rush and my compression socks get completely forgotten.

I don't think it really matters what reason I have for failing to take care of myself though. Sometimes both happen at the same time, sometimes one triggers the other. Both remind me too much of my dad. Both remind me of failing health, ignore the pleas of your family, telling your child not to call 911 after refusing to respond to anything else, of never holding a steady career, of forcing other's to take care of you. I don't want to be like that, but I don't know how to stop. The only thing I have every successfully done to avoid hurting others like that is isolating and not accepting help, and I know for a fact that that hurts the people that care about me in other ways.

The only thing I can fucking think of is having someone treat me like a toddler throughout the day, waking me up, making me take my meds, putting my fucking socks on for me, filling and cleaning my cpap before bed. But I have to go out into the world in a few months. I have to go out into the world on my own. I won't even have my mother around to remind me to eat when I forget. I couldn't afford a home health nurse to come even once a week, and there's no way in fucking hell someone would approve me for one multiple times a day through insurance. I don't want to be like dad. I don't. But I don't know what the fuck else to do.

#chronically ill #neurodivergent #autism #adhd #actually mentally ill #dependent adult #cw childhood trauma #cw childhood abuse #cw death of a parent #i dont want to be like him #and i'm scared #text post #long post

[little-fics]

Bee

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Stucky x Reader; platonic!uncle!Tony

Summary: Reader is teetering the edge of a slip when her buddies Sam and Clint are mean to her, daddy stucky to the rescue

Warnings: age regression, scary bees, bottle, pacifier, anxiety, a little violence, angry!Steve (not at you), mean!sam and mean!clint, I may have missed some, read at your own risk

Word count: 2.2K

A/N: I had fun with this one! I hope you like it!

Disclaimer for my blog!

Life with Bucky and Steve was great, you'd officially been together for about a year, and they'd been your daddies about half that time. You didn't always regress, just when the world got a little too big and you needed to leave it all behind. The avengers didn't know about your coping mechanism, at your own request, save for Tony who has programmed Friday to detect when you're little and were about to do something that babies shouldn't do, such as cooking or showering because babies makes messes and get hurt. It was something you'd kept private and to yourself for a long time, and it took months to feel comfortable enough to talk with Steve and Bucky about it. You weren't always feeling little, and had the capability of being a very vital part to the team, but on your days off, it was easy to find yourself slipping into that headspace.

That's how you got to sitting on the balcony, slowly slipping into that headspace after a difficult mission. You'd woken up between Steve and Bucky, crawling out of the bed quietly, not quite feeling small but you know it's coming. Clint and Sam find you outside, sunbathing and staring at the clouds. Sam is the first one to come outside, Clint following close behind.

"Mornin' sunshine," Sam sits next to you, Clint moving to the other side of you, relaxing in his seat, Sam holding out a glass to you, "want some lemonade? I know that coffee makes you jittery on your days off." You take the glass, smiling at the yellow straw poking up from the top, "Thank you! And a straw!" You twiddle with it gently, pulling it out to take a sip. "Gosh," your shoulders sag and your head leans back in ecstasy, "Clint's lemonade is the best, thank you." Clint pointedly looks at Sam, smug, "Why thank you Y/n, I'm blushing." Sam scoffs, "You wouldn't have even made it if I didn't beg!" Clint shrugs, "I made food," he looks to you, "speaking of," he has you a plate with a sausage and egg biscuit. You tentatively take it from him, "Oh thank you, are you sure?" Clint laughs, leaning back in his seat, "Yeah, honey, me and Sam already had some."

Once you finish your biscuit, you're back to staring at the pretty sky, sipping on your lemonade listening to Sam and Clint bicker back and forth. A bee comes out of nowhere, eliciting a small yelp from you and you're quickly standing from your seat. They're laughing, which hurt your feelings, the fear of the bee causing you to slip fully. You try to go inside but hear Sam speak to the AI, "Friday, lock patio doors under code Falcon," before you make it to the door. When you pull on it the door won't budge. "Sam," your voice is meek, "that's not funny," you whine and shake the door again, getting nervous over the buzzing around your lemonade on the table. "Friday, open the door." Clint laughs again, "It's just a bee, you've been shot before and you can't handle a bee?" A tear slips down your face, and you feel your heartbeat pick up.

You shake on the door, trying to get away from your mean friends, wiping a tear away, "Open the door Sam." He's laughing, he thinks this is funny, "It's just a bee, it'll be gone in a minute Y/n, it's fine." You shake the door more violently, and it's clear Sam wasn't going to open the door. You bring your hand to the bracelet that lays around your wrist, a fail safe if something is wrong, to immediately notify Steve and Bucky that you need them. You find the tiny sun charm, pressing the tiny button that notifies your daddies of your state of mind and that you're in trouble, different from the other charm, a moon, who notifies your boyfriends of an emergency.

Bucky is the first one to hear Friday, "Mr. Barnes, Mr. Rogers," he groans groggily, "Friday, it's too early for this, what is it?" Bucky reaches over to find just Steve, no tiny baby to love on as he hears Friday once more, "I am sorry Mr. Barnes, but it seems munchkin has requested your presence with signs of distress." Bucky's eyes snap open at the use of the programmed name for when you're in your little space, throwing the covers off and slapping Steve's shoulder. "Bucky, what the-" Steve stops when he realizes that Bucky is already out the door, he's quickly behind him, not bothering to put a shirt on, as Bucky hadn't.

"Friday, where is munchkin?" Bucky spits, FRIDAY speaking up once more, "Munchkin is on the patio with Mr. Wilson and Mr. Barton." Their brows crunch together in confusion, Steve finally speaking up on their way to the patio, sleep still heavy in his voice, "Is something wrong?" Bucky shrugs nervously, "Friday said she was showing signs of distress." The system speaks up once more, "That is correct. Munchkin's heart rate seems to be elevated and she is showing signs of high stress. She notified me by her emergency contact Sun Ray." At this, Bucky and Steve speed up, trying to get to you as quickly as possible.

The bee is still there, attracted not only to the lemonade, but the brightly colored pajamas keeping its attention as it flies back and forth between you and the lemonade. When it flies towards you, you hide in the corner of the patio, screaming, running to the other corner to hide from it when it follows you, a tear streaking down your face. Sam sees the stray tear, immediately his stomach sinking while you're piddling with your bracelet, ignoring the tears on your face, not hearing Sam when he stands and calls out gently, "Friday unlock the doors." Sam's in front of you, "Let's go inside, come on." When he reaches for you, you flinch back from him, causing his heart to break a little. You're now frantically pushing the button on your charm.

"Mr. Rogers, Mr. Barnes, munchkin has sent a distress call 13 times, up to 17, 23," and then they're at the doors to the patio, slinging them open.

Bucky takes in your appearance, you look afraid, tears freely streaming down your face, now surrounded by Clint and Sam, who are violently moved by Bucky. He's lifting you by your thighs, bringing them around his waist, glaring at Sam and Clint before carrying you inside. When you're back inside, feeling the rush of AC, you let loose, heavy thick tears falling with sobs. "Shhh my little bunny, I've got you."

Steve remains on the porch, staring at a shell shocked Sam and Clint, "What happened?" They shrug, "It was just a bee, we didn't know it would scare her so bad." Steve rolls his eyes at the men, following Bucky back to your room. When he gets there, you're straddling Bucky on the bed, hands tucked under you, fists balled up tightly, hiccuping sobs. "'S mean," Bucky is rubbing your back, shushing softly while you try to explain what happened, "wouldn't let me 'nside daddy, I try." More sobs erupt from you, Steve's brow furrowing, wondering what you meant.

"Friday, show me what happened with munchkin on the patio before Sun Ray was activated." He watches as the TV screen starts playing the scene, fury creeping up in his bones, while Bucky continued to console you, but matching the fire Steve has in his eyes. Steve saunters out of the room when the TV shuts off, heading straight for Sam and Clint. Bucky holds you closer when you whimper, "Oh doll, dada will be right back, he's just gonna go get you something to drink." You continue to sob, you refused to take your pacifier, dropping it out of your mouth every time he tried to put it in, sobs not allowing it to stay. "Baby baby baby, you're okay, that little bee isn't gonna getcha in here, only daddy." He tries to tickle you, but you just sob louder. He's thankful for the soundproof walls, knowing you don't like to draw attention.

Steve finds Sam and Clint in the common room with Nat and Tony. Tony stands when he sees Steve, anger on his face still shirtless. Steve comes up from behind Sam and Clint, grabbing their shirts roughly, pulling them up and off the couch, feet dangling a foot above the floor, turning them to face him. They're shouting, trying to get Steve to let go. Tony is trying to pull Sam away from him, Nat trying to hit his weak spots so he will drop Clint but he doesn't budge.

"Did you think it was funny?" Steve spits, bringing his face closer to theirs, "Did you? You think it was funny when she cried? Think it was funny when she screamed and pulled on the door? How would you feel huh? If someone laughed at you because you were scared? If your friends laughed at you?" Tony and Nat are confused, "Steve calm down, what happened?" Steve scowls, overpowering the men easily as he turns them around, still holding them in the air. "Friday, pull up the patio clip and my bedroom feed on the common room television."

"Voice identification confirmed. One moment." The video starts playing, but all they can hear are your sobs, not able to hear the small consoling your daddy is trying or the talk from the patio clip as it plays. "Is it still funny bird boy? Is it still funny when you know you're the reason she's like this? No? Good." Steve throws them down on the couch, Tony is furious, Nat is scolding them, and Steve's on his way into the kitchen.

Tony follows Steve after shutting off the video feed, Nat still scolding the two perpetrators. Steve is piddling around, heating up some milk in the microwave. "You okay man?" Tony asks, placing a hand on his back, when Steve glares at him Tony sighs. "Man you can't go back to her seething like this." Steve lets out a huff, "I've never wanted to throttle someone like I do right now." He grabs the milk from the microwave, mixing some hot chocolate power in it, something that frequently happens when you're having a very bad day. Tony hands Steve a bottle, hidden in a thin cabinet, only unlocked by four people in the tower; Uncle Tony, your daddies, and you. "She's your baby, and she hasn't stopped crying because her buddies were mean to her and she doesn't understand, if you go in there angry, she will think you're mad at her." Tony chides, Steve, resonating with Tony's words, takes a deep breath, filling up your bottle and continuing to shake it. "Want me to come cheer her up with you?" Steve sighs, "Let us calm her down a bit, get her feeling right and we'll play some games later yeah?" Tony starts to rummage through the fridge, "Have Friday notify me." Steve nods, leaving Tony and going back to his baby.

When he opens the door, you're still crying, but when Steve sits he pulls you into his lap, holding you like a baby and rocking you. "Shhh, it's okay baby, I know they were mean, but papa's here now. It's okay," he's rubbing your face gently, your sobs turned to weak whimpers. "That's it baby, you want some milk?" You nuzzle into his chest, Bucky taking a sip of the bottle making sure it's not too hot and gives it back to Steve. He holds the tip to your lips, you instantly wrap your lips around it and hum happily.

"There she is, sweet girl," his fingers tangle in your hair, massaging your scalp gently while Bucky rubs your legs with a feather light touch. You hiccup on the milk, Steve moving it away from you and wiping away a stray tear. Your fingers clutch around his shoulder, whining, "Papa." He coos at you, "Drinking too fast aren't we love?" You let out another whine, your bottom lip wobbling, "Pease papa." He traces your jawline before bringing the bottle back to your lips, "Slower, you hear me dove?" You nod gently, closing your eyes and continuing to drink the bottle.

You're teetering on the edge of sleep, Steve wiping away a drop of milk that finds its way to the corner of your mouth. He takes the bottle very carefully, stopping when you suck on it a little harder, trying to hold it in your mouth. "Bunny," Bucky's voice sings to you, "let daddy have that, okay?" Steve tries to pull it away again, this time with no fight, Bucky pressing your pacifier to your lips, which you take happily. He clips it to the top of your pajama shirt so if you drop it, it'll stay relatively within reach. "Friday, put on munchkins lullaby playlist."

Soft music starts playing through the room, bringing you all the way under, soft snores against Steves chest alerting them to your slumber. "Mr. Rogers, Mr. Barnes, Mr. Wilson and Mr. Barton are outside, requesting entrance." Bucky rolls his eyes as he slides back down into the bed, "Friday, decline entrance and leave us be to nap for an hour." Steve moves you to Bucky, your sleeping form habitually wrapping around him and his warmth. Steve huddles behind you, wrapping his arm over you and resting it on Bucky, rubbing small circles. "She's gonna be a handful today," Steve comments, letting Bucky know that he thinks today is going to be one of those days where you regress further than usual. "She's gonna have such a good time with Tony." Bucky laughs, his eyes flutter shut, "Don't count her daddies short."

#agere fanfiction #agere fic #little!reader #steve rogers x reader #Steve x reader #daddy!steve x little!reader #daddy!steve #Daddy!Steve rogers #daddy!bucky x reader #daddy!Steve x reader #daddy!bucky #daddy!bucky barnes #daddy!Bucky Barnes x reader #daddy!bucky x little!reader #daddy!stucky #daddy!stucky x reader #daddy!stucky x little!reader #Tony x reader #marvel agere #marvel fanfiction #Bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #Steve Rogers fluff #angry!Steve #protective!steve #agere fanfic #platonic!Tony x reader #dom!bucky #dom!steve #dom!stucky

[randomfandomimagine]

I’m Here For You (Jake Peralta x Reader)

Character: Jake Peralta

Fandom: Brooklyn 99

Tags: Emotional hurt / comfort, fluff

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1,1k words

Link: AO3

Summary: When Y/N doesn’t answer Jake’s calls or texts, he decides to check on them. He just wan’t expecting to see them feeling so sad.

A/N: I was having a very shitty day last week and needed some comfort, so I wrote this and felt a little better. Hope you all enjoy it and that it can be of comfort to you lovelies too 💜

Jake Peralta x Gender Neutral Reader

Your bed seemed like the only safe place, like the only spot where everything didn’t seem as awful. It was still depressing and exhausting, but at least you were comfortable. Despite it all, your weary mind was plagued with negative thoughts even as you pressed your head to the pillow and shut your eyes tight, nuzzling the soft material.

A part of you wished you could get up, do something other than lie down and stop feeling sorry for yourself. The other part was too exhausted to be productive and didn’t know if it would make you feel better on the first place.

Startling you, an urgent knock forced you away from all those thoughts. Feebly lying there, you waited for whoever was at the door to leave. The person insisted, knocking on your front door again with even more fervor.

“Y/N?” Your heart skipped a beat when you recognized Jake’s voice. “Are you there? Answer me, please, open the door!”

It took you a few more seconds and all of your determination to finally get up. Needing to bring that comfort with you, the blanket remained wrapped around you. Heading for the door, you dragged your feet until you reached it and opened it to reveal a frowning Jake.

“There you are” He sighed in relief, smiling a little at the sight of you. “Are you okay? I texted and called, but you wouldn’t answer”

“Hi, Jake” Was all you said, indulging in the sudden urge to throw your arms around his neck.

“I... H-Hi, Y/N...” He muttered in astonishment, clumsily wrapping his arms around you. “How are you doing?”

You didn’t reply. All you did was linger in the hug, craving that sudden comfort that the exchange provided you with. Jake softly tightened his arms around you, letting you stay like that for as long as you needed to.

When you finally forced yourself to pull away, his hands immediately flew to your arms. He gently squeezed you, worriedly peering at you.

“Okay, what’s wrong?”

“Why do you think something’s wrong? Maybe I’m just sick or something”

“No, you always answer your phone” He vehemently shook his head, reluctantly letting go of you and putting his hands on his hips. “Besides, you had never hugged me for so long, and you held me so tight that I thought you would break my ribs”

“That’s because your bones are made out of glass” You tried to joke, even if your pathetic attempt was useless, since your voice came out flat and humorless.

“Something happen, didn’t it?” You averted your gaze when Jake stared at you in concern. “Was it something bad?”

“In a way...” You sighed, clenching your jaw when you felt tears of frustration in your eyes.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

As all response, you shook your head. Under his close scrutiny, your bottom lip started trembling. You wouldn’t be able to hold your tears back much longer.

“Hey, it’s okay” Jake whispered, and when he fondly rubbed your arm, it finally broke you. Tears began cascading down your cheeks, and your shoulders violently convulsed with sobs. “Don’t cry, Y/N, it’s okay...”

“I’m sorry...” You pathetically mumbled, covering your face with your hands.

“No, no, there’s no need to apologize, I...” Jake sighed helplessly. “Whatever it is, it will be alright. And I’m here for you, okay?”

Refusing to lock eyes with him despite the way he was searching your gaze, you stared at the floor. It felt incredibly embarrassing to be standing there crying your eyes out in front of Jake. But he wasn’t judging you, and if anything, he only wanted to help you.

“Come here” He offered you, opening his arms in an inviting gesture. “Bring it”

Endeared by the way he lingered in the gesture and his encouraging smile, a wave of warmth enveloped you as you shielded yourself in his embrace. Urgently colliding against him, you shoved your face in his shoulder and allowed yourself to cry all your anguish and sadness away.

“That’s it, breathe” Jake tenderly held you, soothingly rubbing your back. “It’s gonna be okay, you’ll see”

You tightly held on to his leather jacket, trying to remember to breathe through your sobs. That void that had accompanied you all day seemed to be fading, and the heavy weight in your chest was slowly becoming lighter.

“Sh, it’s okay” He whispered, leaning his head against yours. “I’m here, Y/N”

The two of you stayed like that for a bit longer until your crying slowly subsided and you dared to lightly pull away. Your stared into Jake’s kind brown eyes for the first time, encouraged by the affection and empathy reflected in them.

“Tell you what” His hand returned to your arm. “How about we have a movie marathon, huh? That’ll cheer you up”

A small smile made its way to your lips even as you tiredly wiped the tears from your face. His mere presence gave you that strength you had been lacking, and his touch and loving gaze gave you courage. You nodded your head, liking that idea.

“I’ll go to the store real quick and grab your favorite snacks” Jake tenderly smiled at you as he repositioned the blanket over your shoulders, making sure it stayed in place. “We can watch the Die Hard movies”

You stared at him, feeling like you could breathe for the first time since you woke up. Nodding your head, you took his hand and squeezed it.

“Thank you, Jake”

“Hey, no need to thank me” He didn’t hesitate to squeeze your hand back. “Thank Bruce Willis for making the best movies ever, they’ll work wonders”

You hesitant to let go of his hand, not wanting him to leave. Noticing your hesitance, Jake playfully wrinkled his nose at you, causing you to smile again.

“I know you adore me and my presence is exquisite” He said with a silly French accent. “But I need you to give me my hand back”

“Fine” You chuckled, adoringly watching him smiling at you.

“Get the TV ready, okay?” He surprised you when he leaned forward to kiss you in the forehead. In any case, the gesture moved you. “I’ll be right back”

“Okay” You said goodbye to him, for now, and closed the door after he left.

With the promise of his return and a movie marathon accompanied by your favorite snacks, you felt hopeful again. For the first time, it made you feel like you could face the day. All because Jake would be with you, cuddling in the couch with you and making everything better.

Reblogs and comments are appreciated!! // Masterlist

Tag list: @call-me-harley-quinn​ / @wonderlandfandomkingdom / @fandomxreaders​ / @c-taylor-wanna-be-a-glader​ / @locke-writes​ / @andreasworlsboring101​ / @dancingwith-sunflowers​ / @xionroxas​ / @qtmeryr​ / @lookinsidemyhead​ / @imaginesbymk​ / @trunks-kiwi​ / @televisionboy​ / @zoeyserpentluck​  / @unstable-puffin-writing​ / @evilcr0ne​ / @criminalmindsmoodrn​ /  @weasleytwinscumslut​ // Send an ask if you want to be added to the tag list for this fandom!

#jake peralta x reader #jake peralta imagine #jake peralta oneshot #jake peralta #brooklyn nine nine x reader #brooklyn nine nine imagine #brooklyn nine nine oneshot #brooklyn nine nine #brooklyn 99 x reader #brooklyn 99 imagine #brooklyn 99 oneshot #brooklyn 99 #b99 x reader #b99 imagine #b99 oneshot #b99 #jake peralta ficlet #brooklyn nine nine ficlet #brooklyn 99 ficlet #b99 ficlet #ficlet #rfi writings #faves #not requested

[feriowind]

i wrote up a whooole feral luffy AU bit on twitter last night so am posting it here too (slightly cleaned up) hahaha

Feral luffy AU where the basis is that Luffy is the one who, somehow, set sail the day the celestial dragons arrived and had his boat shot down. 

 He's considerably further out to sea when this happens, and when he falls into the water, he's swept away by a strange ocean current. He winds up on a deserted island surrounded by the same strange currents and it keeps him stranded. 

 Ace and Sabo are devastated by the loss of Luffy, as is Garp, Makino, Dadan and the bandits, and later on Dragon and Shanks when they find out, attempts are made to locate Luffy's body but they never find him, the assumption that he sank too far out into the ocean due to his devil fruit. Ace & Sabo grow up significantly less cheerful without Luffy's presence, but their bond to one another is as strong as ever.

 Sabo fakes his death after begging Garp for help, anything to throw off his family from ever finding him again. Garp agrees because his hatred of certain nobility has grown significantly after Luffy's "death", and he can't stand the thought of losing another grandson.

 Luffy meanwhile, adapts as best he can. Surviving in this new jungle is painful, but doable despite the constant near brushes with death. The true hardship is how lonely he is without his brothers. Luffy has always thrived in the company of others, and without any he struggles, but again, Luffy adapts. 

 He manages to befriend some of the animals in the jungle, and accidentally discovers conqueror's haki when he nearly loses his hat to a predator, his one link to something beyond this island.

 The animals can't replace his brothers, but they ward off the loneliness. Throughout this time, Luffy makes multiple attempts to sail off the island with handmade rafts. Craftsmanship has never been his strong suit however, so they crumble instantly in the harsh currents.

 Perhaps due to luck, the currents always wash him back ashore instead of allowing him to sink and drown. Luffy's speech also slowly degrades over time. As much as he loves talking to his animal friends, the inability to hear someone else speak causes his words to slur and distort

 Ace and Sabo still hold true to their promise to set sail at age 17, but decide that they want to sail together instead of separating. When they finally set sail, they decide to take their time getting to the Grandline, exploring more of the East Blue at a leisurely pace.

After roughly a week of sailing, they get caught in a freak storm and are swept away by a giant wave where they too end up caught in the same strange current that stole Luffy all those years ago. The two wind up unconscious on Luffy's island, where Luffy finds them on the beach.

Luffy doesn't recognize them however, only that wow! For the first time since he arrived, there are other humans on the island with him that are alive! It's an exciting occurrence, and Luffy drags their bodies to the jungle where the tide won't reach.

When poking and prodding don't wake the two, Luffy sets off to gather food for his guests. He still remembers how tired and hungry he was when he first washed ashore, and figures they'd feel the same. As Luffy comes back, Ace wakes up in a panic.

Luffy rushes Ace in excitement and babbles. It's nearly incomprehensible to Ace however, especially in his panicked just-woken hazy-brained state. All Ace wants is to know where Sabo is and where this place is, and pushes Luffy away.

That's when Ace notices Sabo is lying just a few feet away asleep. The tension leaves him immediately and he's able to actually pay attention to the stranger trying to talk to him. 

Luffy is young and shorter than what he would have been had he been able to grow up on Dawn Island. His hair is long, wild and tangled, and he's dressed in furs and leathers. As Ace is studying him, he asks if he's the one who saved him and Sabo. 

For a moment Luffy stares silent, mind untangling the words until they make sense, and then he nods exuberantly. He tries to explain that he found them unconscious on the beach along with their boat, but Ace can barely decipher Luffy's speech. It sounds like someone speaking with a heavy accent at lightning speed.

But it’s then Ace notices the faint scar under Luffy's eye, and the strawhat hanging off his back. That in combination with Luffy's excited movements and speech sets off confusing alarms in his head.

Luffy's dead, Ace knows this, but he forces this strange kid to calm down and asks for his name. Again it takes a moment for Luffy to understand, and he replies. There's that same strange lilt to his words, but it's clear. Monkey D. Luffy! and it's said with a wide, proud grin.

Ace's world tilts then. Luffy? MONKEY D. LUFFY? His brain feels like its shorting out, refusing to register this new bit of information. He thinks he chokes a reply of some kind, but his mind feels blank. Luffy only laughs, not noticing Ace's shock.

In broken speech he asks for Ace's name too, but Ace doesn't hear his question, can only stare at Luffy's face. It can't be Luffy, he thinks. Because if it is... IF IT IS... They're only roughly a week's sail from Dawn Island. Just 7 days.

Is this boy trying to tell Ace that Luffy, in these past 7 years, was only a 7 days boat ride away? And they simply didn't look hard enough? He was here all alone while Ace and Sabo moved on? Ace's heart feels like it's constricting as his vision tunnels in on Luffy.

Luffy's finally noticed that this stranger is looking pale and ill, and pats him in worry. Is he sick? Does he need food? Are you okay, he asks. Ace grabs Luffy's arm then and stares at him with a strange expression. Luffy, it's me, he says, voice shaking. Ace.

Luffy's brows furrow in confusion and he tilts his head. Ace repeats himself, voice growing stronger. I'm Ace! he exclaims, and waits (prays) to see the light of recognition in Luffy's eyes.

Luffy mouths Ace's words silently to himself with frown. Ace? ...ACE! Luffy suddenly leaps towards Ace, landing directly on his chest and crushing him against a tree. He's directly on him and he's got Ace's head clasped roughly between his hands as he stares at his face intently

Ace? Luffy asks out loud, and starts repeating it over and over as he studies Ace's face. Luffy's grip is stronger than expected but Ace manages to give a jerky nod. The piercing stare breaks and Luffy's eyes water. ACE! he cries out in joy and it's the only word he can say.

Luffy wildly paws at Ace's face, then shoulders and arms, as if trying to make sure he's really there, and he's laughing and crying all at once. He then suddenly turns to Sabo on the ground and starts patting his body. He looks up at Ace with a hopeful smile and asks, Sabo?

Ace chokes back a sob because oh. OH. It's really Luffy! He was here this whole time and they never knew! Why hadn't they just looked HARDER? Luffy meanwhile crows in joy and triumph that BOTH his brothers are here with him. 

Ace gets down next to Sabo and starts violently shaking him. Wake up WAKE UP, how can he be SLEEPING when the greatest thing they thought they had lost was BACK. Sabo groans awake and is greeted by the pained teary face of Ace and an equally teary, but grinning stranger

 the shock of the scene jolts Sabo upright and he asks what's wrong? What happened? Ace just points to the boy beside him. It's Luffy, he says through clenched teeth, as if he were trying his best to stave off a breakdown. Huh? Sabo replies, what about Luffy?

 it's LUFFY, Ace grits out again, and this time Luffy chimes in with a cheery, Sabo! and leans in close to his face. Sabo is still confused and Ace nearly snarls in frustration. Luffy's ALIVE, Ace growls, and Luffy laughs. Sabo stares at Luffy and understanding slowly dawns.

 Luffy? he asks in disbelief, and Luffy nods excitedly before crowding in Sabo's face even more. Sabo! Luffy says with a smile and starts repeating his name like he had done with Ace earlier. Sabo, Luffy's been here this whole time, Ace says in a pained whisper.

 This whole time? And the same realization that Ace had grows in Sabo. Luffy, you've been here, all alone...? And we were so close? Sabo's body moves and wraps Luffy's body in a bone crushing hug. Luffy, I- we didn't know! Sabo stammers but it sounds like a terrible excuse.

 Guilt is devouring both Ace and Sabo but Luffy is only smiling. He's overjoyed that his brothers are here, and with their help he can definitely get off this island now! Things do work out!

 We have to go back to Dawn Island, Sabo says suddenly. We need to take Luffy home and we- we gotta tell Gramps! And Dadan and Makino! Luffy's okay! He's okay! And it's like a dam breaks and Sabo is the first one to break down into a full-body sob.

 Luffy gives a cry of dismay and does his best to comfort Sabo. Ace gives in and wraps both Luffy and Sabo in a hug. Both older brothers are whispering apologies to Luffy responds with just wrapping his arms several times around them both in one of his infamous rubbery hugs.

 like luffy had tried to explain earlier, the brothers' ship is beached on the coast and, surprisingly, only suffering a few minor scuffs. their departure is fairly swift, only waiting for the ideal weather after gathering some supplies and luffy's scant belongings

 Perhaps one or two of Luffy's animal friends joins them, but regardless, with the help of a 3 man crew, a sturdy ship, and an actual navigator, Luffy finally escapes the island, and the 3 brothers head home.

 Now all Ace and Sabo have to worry about is helping Luffy readjust to human civilization........

#one piece #feral luffy AU #art #i can only bring myself to write these weird long winded half summary half fic things lol #monkey d. luffy

[asmo-ds]

Ok so you made a list on they guys toxic traits. How would they react if the MC just snaped one day and broke out into sob because of what they did and say to them and the MC calls them out on it pointed put how Diavolo doesn't do or say the shit they do and hes full blood demon unlike them all in a croaked voice from crying so hard

React to MC Calling Them Out on Their Toxicity

Obey Me Brothers x MC angst HCs

Warnings: Yelling, toxic relationships, breakdowns, violence, Mammon being the guardian he was assigned to be :)

Summary: When MC finally breaks down and calls them out on their toxic behavior towards the human the boys finally realize just how different human emotions are from the creatures in hell they’ve grown so accustomed to.

I’m putting the contents of the original post this ask referred to under each of the characters to make it clearer for those who have not seen it

i know Lucifer is hot sexy big sex dominant professional daddy master man BUT please remember he shows his love via punishment and cruelty towards his family

- Lucifer was in the middle of hanging a crying Mammon upside down when it happened.

- “He’s in pain Lucifer, you should let him down! There are better ways to handle this,” MC had suggested only to be met with a low growl followed by:

- “Stay out of this, human, you are here to attend RAD and nothing else. Do not butt into our personal business.”

- He could practically feel MC’s upset expression as he continued to tie the knots around Mammon’s body

- “I’m a human, correct,” MC starts and he’s startled by their cold voice, “but what makes me human is my inability to stand by while someone I know is in so much pain!”

- Lucifer is a bit taken back by their boldness and is in his demon form holding them up by the throat in seconds.

- “Who the Hell do you think you are?!” He snarled, tightening his grip and pushing their struggling body against the wall harshly, causing their head to bounce off the wall with a loud thump, blood slowly beginning to trickle from the sight of the impact 

- He could barely hear Mammon’s frantic cries for him to let go of the human as his adrenaline rushed, unable to believe that the human had actually spoken to him like that,

- He was suddenly ripped away from MC, thrown across the room and he looked up to see Diavolo had come

- “I had some paperwork I wanted to give you but instead walked in on you taking advantage of your strength over someone smaller than you, you’re pathetic,” Diavolo snarled, disgusted by Lucifer’s actions

- MC wailed and threw themselves against Diavolo, him tightly embracing them and trying to soothe them

- “Y-y-you’re the Lord of Demons and yet,” they sniffled and hiccupped into Diavolo’s chest as he continued to glare at Lucifer, who could only watch on in despair as he realized what he had done, “and yet you a-are so mu-uch kinder than them, th-thank you Diavolo!”

- “Wait, MC! I’m sorry!” Lucifer began to stand before realizing Mammon had managed to escape and was now holding him down, preventing him form moving toward the trembling human.

- “Lucifer... I don’t want to see you ever again!” MC had cried as Diavolo and them left the house.

- After MC was brought to the demon lord’s castle he received word from Barbatos that he had been suspended from his duties until further notice per the request of Diavolo.

- Barbatos also collected MC’s stuff, moving it to the Demon Lord’s castle where they would spend the rest of the year

- Lucifer couldn’t bring himself to leave his room, afraid of his brothers’ judgmental looks, he refused to see how much he had hurt the family and the relationship with the human he’d done so much to care for in just a matter of thirty seconds.

- Lucifer never forgives himself for hurting MC, but he acts like he was in the right for the sake of his ego.

- But he really missed MC and was angry with himself for letting them go so easily and for not just accepting that maybe they were right and he could change for them

- Everyone notices a decrease in the cruelty he showed towards his brothers

- how did a human manage to stir up these feelings within him?

I know Mammon is an adorable tsundere with a chaotic streak BUT please remember he also insults MC in order to keep up his own self image of being a “tough demon” even if he loves MC underneath the mask

- Mammon had been on his way back from getting scolded for stealing from Lucifer’s wallet once again, when he ran into MC

- “Mammon! What’s wrong? Are you Okay?!” He hastily wiped the tears from his face, MC really cares about me... a blush rises to his cheeks at that thought

- “Nothin’ is wrong, mind yer business,” he shoves past them

- “but you’re clearly hurting, Mammon let me help!”

- “I don’t need help from a stupid human,” he says, not turning to look at them due to his still red cheeks as he continued to be flustered by their concern for him 

- “Stupid human....” he heard MC say quietly back to themselves, his heart sinking as he realized he said it so harshly 

- “Hold on-MC- I didn-” he starts but is frozen in shock as he sees the human glaring at the floor with tears streaming down their cheeks, biting their lips to keep sobs trapped inside themselves. “MC, hey liste-” He reaches out to touch their shoulder but they jerk away turning from him.

- “Not even the demon who is meant to be the cruelest of them all calls me names for wanting to help him,” their voice trembled and his heart broke, “I just wanted to help... why do you insist on insulting me?” 

- MC ran away from him, leaving the house, passing Asmo and Satan as they left.

- Satan chased after MC as Asmodeus walked up to Mammon, slapping him across the face harshly, “why can’t you just be honest with them for once?! Don’t you realize how badly you’ve been hurting them because you refuse to be nice to stroke your own ‘bad boy’ ego?!”

- Mammon stared at the floor, tears rolling down his cheeks silently, “I-I didn’t mean to hurt them,”

- “But you did. Not to mention you never even apologize for it,” Asmodeus walks away, leaving Mammon to stand alone, shamefully hanging his head as he fell to his knees.

- The one person who ever cared about him and he did nothing but insult them and yet still expected them to love him? What a douchebag he was...

- Guess he was nothing but a greedy scumbag

i know Levi is a cute blushy otaku recluse that we all want to top BUT he also gets jealous very easily which leads to him often getting violent or guilt tripping MC by insulting himself until they feel guilty and stay with him to make him feel better despite their own wishes

- Leviathan had jus ordered a new game titled “I just landed in Hell, seven hot demon lords are my roommates and I’m trying really hard not to fuck them”

- He rushed towards MC’s room, desperate for them to play with him 

- He walked in without knocking and saw MC cuddled up with Mammon and Beel, watching some movie that none of them seemed to actually pay attention to as they just horsed around.

- “Hey, MC! I just got a new game, come on let’s go play it!” he tried not to let his jealousy show. 

- “Ah, maybe later Levi, I’m hanging out with Beel and Mammon right now!” MC smiles kindly, to which he grows a bit sad

- “I get it... who would want to hangout with a yucky otaku like me anyway...” he lowers his head pouting

- “Levi, just give me a few minutes to finish the movie!” MC says, still trying to be kind and patient

- “No you don’t have to... I’m just going to go play alone like the loser I am...”

- “DON’T” MC stands up, Beel and Mammon watching as MC walks up to Levi, thinking that the human was going to go with him and play

- Levi smiles thinking the same thing and gets ready to leave, but instead MC comes to him and glares at him, making his heart sink

- “You do NOT get to guilt trip me like that,” MC growls, “I told you I need a minute, I never said any of that stuff and I KNOW you were saying that stuff just to get me to come with you instead of staying here,” Levi blushes as MC calls him out, his heart beating rapidly with nerves as he realizes just how mad MC was at him

- MC pushes him out of their room, slamming the door and he hears them mumbling some angry stuff to the other two brothers behind the door

- Ashamed of himself he goes back to his room and locks himself there for a few weeks, kind of waiting for MC to come check on him and apologize, but then he realizes that is exactly why they are mad at him, so he decides to try and get his shit together

- But his anxiety gets in the way and he decides MC would be better off without him and he tries to avoid them no matter how much he craves their attention

i know Satan is an intelligent man who is trying his best to keep his anger in check at all times BUT if you are in a relationship where someone is getting mad at you constantly despite their efforts pls look out for yourself and let yourself be selfish and avoid the person no matter how bad it may hurt them because your own happiness should come first

- After a fight with Lucifer, Satan had gone to his room to blow off some steam

- He was storming around and throwing things and throwing a temper tantrum

- MC came to check on him and they knocked politely, calling his name and asking if they could come in

- Despite using their manners and being as respectful as possible; their interruption of his tantrum pissed him the hell off

- He swung the door open and pushed them down, eyeing them like a normal demon would; nothing but an innocent soul to munch on

- MC tried to escape but he caught their ankle, and dangled them like a rag doll as his claws sunk into the limb he held

- He could see their mouth moving and tears streaming down their face but he couldn’t process the words they were wailing

- He only stopped when Mammon punched him harshly, causing him to drop the human and go flying through the nearest wall, which happened to be Asmodeus’s, who was infuriated by the destruction of his room, but his focus immediately turned to Mammon and the trembling human he held

- Satan could barely hear or see much of anything anymore as Mammon’s punch had knocked him nearly out-cold

- Later when his senses came back he went to MC to apologize

- When he walked in they screamed and cowered in the corner.

- “MC, I won’t hurt you I promise-”

- “You always say that! You promised to never hurt me, Satan! All I wanted was to see if you wanted anything to help you calm down but you decided that was reason enough to try and eat my soul. For fuck’s sake, Diavolo is the Demon Lord and he isn’t half as cruel and manipulative as you are!” He watched the human tremble and cry their response out

- The loud noises had once again caught the attention of the humans guardian for their time in the Devildom

- Mammon walked in and grabbed Satan by the collar, dragging him out the door and slamming it behind him

- Satan sat against the wall and could hear how much pain MC was in as they cried to Mammon and he wanted nothing more than to run in there and take his place but he knew he had royally fucked up

- Scared of his own anger, he decided to not leave his room unless he was attending RAD, family meals, or the Library, because he was so afraid of making the human he had loved afraid and he didn’t want them to feel so much pain just by seeing him

i know Asmodeus is a cute feminine boy with a love for self care and pampering and fashion BUT he always be littles others for not being as good or pretty as him and is super gossipy

- MC had come to school after a sleepover with Asmo, where things got deep and emotional and MC’s most shameful secret was revealed to him

- and he said he wouldn’t tell anybody. he really wasn’t going to but...

- MC noticed the weird stares followed by giggles of the succubi at RAD, clearly whispering about MC which made their stomach feel sick

- MC wasn’t sure what the deal was today until a succubus came up to them at lunch,

- “hey human, i heard that *insert your most humiliating memory*” she snickers with her friends, watching mc turn pale

- Unable to form words MC bolted out of there

- Unluckily for Asmodeus, MC just do happened to run into him

- “Ah! MC, dear, be careful or you and I will both ends up bruised-“ he’s cut off by a slapping sound

- he’s in so much shock he doesn’t even realize MC had slapped him for a few seconds

- “I should’ve known better than to trust you with my secrets.” MC growled, turning around to storm off, “Guess I forgot you were a demon. No, demons are like Diavolo, they at least have some itty bit of kindness in their hearts. You. You’re a monster.”

- Asmo watched them storm off and felt tears come to his eyes

- They were right, for once he had someone who loved him for more than power, looks, and sex, and what did he do? He hurt them and destroyed their reputation.

- He eventually fell off of his skincare routine and stopped coming home every night, instead, he was too busy partying and passing out in strangers’ beds and being glad the demons and succubi who dances with him and slept with him didn’t care for his personality

- cuz he knew his personality was the one part of him that was ugly as hell and he hated it 

i know Beelzebub is a gentle giant who cares for his entire family BUT he also throws tantrums that hurt people when he gets hungry and isn’t given food asap

- After his sports practice, he was starving and on edge

- He hungrily eyed a strangers’ meal as he and MC walked home from the campus

- “Beel, don’t even think about stealing that poor demon’s food,” MC scolded him, unknowingly lighting a fuse inside of him

- He shifted to his demon form and grabbed MC by the shoulders harshly

- “Well what else am I supposed to eat?! Do you want me to eat you?!” He shook them, making them whimper out in pain as his claws dug into their flesh

- “B-Beel, you’re hurting me!” MC cried out, but he was too hungry to care and leaned in, about to take a bite out of the poor human before he felt himself get pulled away and pin against the ground

- “Beelzebub, just what in the Devildom do you think you’re doing?” Lucifer’s chilling voice snarled at his younger brother, a crowd forming to watch the two demon lords fight

- “I’m HUNGRY!” Beelzebub went to strike Lucifer, but instead, MC being MC, grabbed his arm to try and stop him, causing him to fling them against the wall, them hitting it with a loud cracking sound, blood pouring out from the back of their head as they rubbed it

- Seeing them bleed made him more hungry but then he saw the look of despair and disappointment that he had seen on his younger sister so many years ago and he snapped out of it

- “MC!” Lucifer rushed to the human’s side, picking them up gently and giving Beel one last cold look before flying off quickly to the Demon Lord’s castle, where Barbatos would be able to heal MC

- Beelzebub felt his hunger dissipate, instead, the guilt eating away at him as the sight of MC’s despair filled eyes flashed through his head 

- When MC returned later that night he went to apologize when he heard them in the kitchen

- “MC,” they flinched and whipped around, immediately using one hand to grip their head as dizziness struck them for a moment, the other hand out in front of them in a defensive manner

- Beel’s heart broke and he felt tears starting to form as he started to approach them, intending to hug them comfortingly

- “STAY RIGHT THERE!” MC yelled, their pact forcing his feet to stay planted where they were

- “Y-you don’t have to apologize okay? I should have known better than to scold a monster,” he winced at the word but let them continue, “But that said it isn’t entirely my fault. Every other demon in that plaza could smell me and didn’t pounce me, they had better control than that. Even when I go out alone nobody attacks me! Hell, even the Demon Lord himself isn’t cruel enough to attack me I-I just, please, stay away from me Beel,” and when they looked up he had tears streaming down his face and he was biting his lips to keep from crying

- As badly as they wanted to comfort the crying boy, they knew that they would be putting their own safety at risk if they were to forgive him and make him think he would be so easily forgiven

- Beelzebub suddenly started to stop feeling hungry as every time his stomach growled all he could see was the image of himself about to bite into MC and he would start to feel sick to his stomach

- He doesn’t forgive himself and gets really depressed because he thinks MC’s pain is his fault just like Lilith’s death

i know Belphegor is a sleepy baby with a love for pranks and mischief BUT he literally killed MC but as soon as he found out they were a descendant of his little sister he suddenly just flipped a switch and didn’t even really apologize

- MC was sleeping in the attic next to Belphegor, tossing and turning as a nightmare filled their head

- They could practically feel his claws wrapped around their frail neck snapping it and laughing as they faded from their body

- MC sat up panting and screaming, Belphegor waking up and rubbing his eyes sleepily as he wrapped his arms around MC

- “NO NO NO GET OFF OF ME STOP IT” they continued to scream, flailing around in his embrace, he refused to let go though, convinced they just needed a hug to comfort them from whatever had scared them so bad

- They began to sob hysterically, their voice screaming out for Mammon

- Panicking he continued to hold them in place, afraid if he let go they’d sprint off

- and he was right, they bit his arm and he pulled away as they stood up and sprinted down the hall

- “MC WAIT” he chased after them, worried they’d get hurt

- As they saw the door of their guardian (Mammon), they called out his name

- Belphegor placed a hand over their mouth, worried about the others waking up, but it was too late as Mammon and Satan had both been woken by the cries of the human

- “HELP ME MAMMON PLEASE” MC sobbed, Belphegor sending a panicked and hurt look to his brothers

- Mammon pushed Belphie away as he took MC back into his room to calm them down

- After a mini-argument with Satan that ended up getting shut down by Lucifer, he went back to bed 

- The next morning he saw MC was sitting at the breakfast table and he smiled at them, only to watch them shoot a look to Mammon, who then pulled their chair closer to his own protectively

- They all ate in silence, the awkward and tense atmosphere keeping anybody from starting a conversation

- After everyone else left he went up to MC and cornered them, covering their mouth to keep them quiet so he could say what he needed to

- “I already apologized for everything so why do you still need to freak out whenever you see me?!” he asked, annoyed that despite his apology for killing MC, they still felt uncomfortable around him

- They slapped his hand away, “You didn’t really apologize. You only apologized because I’m a descendant of your dead sister, you didn’t apologize to me, MC, you apologized to Lilith,” MC shoves him and starts to walk away from the stunned demon

- “Its kind of funny that despite all the problems I’ve caused for his program, Diavolo has never tried to kill me.” MC says before finally making their exit

- Belphegor gets lost in his own thoughts after that, as he finally realized that he had been seeing them as a replacement Lilith rather than themselves

- even if he wanted to try apologizing again, he was unable to as Mammon became more and more protective of them, shooing Belphie away with dirty looks anytime they were in the same room

#obey me angst #obey me angst hc #obey me angst headcanons #obey me angst hcs #obey me headcannon #obey me headcanons #om! headcanons #obey me headcannons #om! headcannon #obey me imagines #sad obey me imagines #sad obey me hc #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor

[incoherentbabblings]

What do you think of the lack of mourning and reaction to Stephanie's death that Tim had? Do you think it was out of character and part of the editorial hate train towards Stephanie?

In a word: Yes. Steph's death got mixed up in two that would have more resonance with Tim and his place in the wider DCU. Conner, which was tied into the Teen Titans storyline, and his dad, which was done to create the stronger connection to Bruce. Steph, for all intents and purposes, was a character for Tim and Cass. Cass got more leverage from her death because she was in general so isolated from other DCU books at the time, so the death of a supporting character was given space to breathe. For Tim however, his Teen Titans stuff obviously focused more on the loss of Conner (and Bart) whilst his Batman stuff focused more on his father, because then the writers could pull him tighter to Bruce. Steph was therefore redundant as a narrative tool for Tim's development in his two books. Her death was simply not as important as Jack or Conner's, and I think it's disingenuous to try and argue otherwise.

However, I think there is room to play in-universe with Tim's comparatively non-reaction to the point where I think you can argue that it was perfectly in character. I am crossing into headcanon here, but this is how I try to justify it to myself in-universe.

With Conner and Jack, Tim is loud, screaming, sobbing, clinging to the dead bodies. With Stephanie, he is quiet, withdrawn, and does not get to see her, instead is relayed the information secondhand by Bruce.

He doesn't think of her individually, because then it will hit home and he'll start to properly lose it. He never deals with her death. With Conner you have the proper loopy story of the cult and the cloning and that giant mess. With Jack there's the ongoing storyline of the fake Uncle, being adopted by Bruce and the ongoing grief there.

Tim does not talk about Stephanie. To anyone. He stands at the back of her funeral, not getting close, not speaking to her grave to say goodbye. He refuses to talk to Cass about her. He rarely, if ever, blames her for what went wrong, instead quietly and quite furiously blaming Bruce. He has very tense conversations with both Bruce and Cass about this fact. He thinks of her only when thinking of the people he lost as a group. He can't conceptualize her as an individual; she's just one of many that have died.

I get the feeling, if you wanted, you could argue that Tim completely disassociated himself from Stephanie's death. I say this, because in the TT issue where Tim has to be pried open about his father's death after attempting to shove it down, so it's a similar thing, though obviously not the exact same.

He cannot, will not, think or talk about her, because then it becomes too real, and he feels more emotions than he knows what to do with. He knows Bruce will never initiate that conversation, and fully resents him for it, and never fully trusts Bruce again (if he ever did to begin with). His Titans friends didn't know her, didn't want to know her in some instances, and the tentative conversations with Cass prove that they are not on the same page with the understanding of what happened either. Maybe Tim doesn't trust Cassandra with his grief.

You know what happens when he is forced to think of Stephanie alone and not as one of many, many, loved ones he's lost?

He potentially hallucinates her. So that's not concerning.

You can argue against this but Steph had not returned to civilian life at this point, so she wasn't enrolled in his school (yet). Also his internal monologue refers to the way she walks which is a much more intimate thing than "I saw a blonde girl and Steph was blonde too". Idk, YMMV on that.

Also, the fact that his first response when seeing someone wearing that costume is to get really violent, in a way that Tim just... isn't normally. Like yes it is a triggering scenario anyway but this feels a bit more pointed. Finally the kiss after he sees her for the first time... I don't know. It can read to me as someone who maybe rationally knows Steph is dead, but empirically never acknowledged it. Tim never saw her, and you know what they say about the dead and needing to see the body...

Tim perhaps, in his heart of hearts, never properly comprehended that she was dead. Any attempts to broach the subject were systematically but also unconsciously avoided. She is only mentioned as part of a group. When he is confronted with a reminder of her not being alive he gets very violent. When he sees her alive, he kisses her, as if they had never been apart to begin with for over a year.

Like I genuinely think there was like a mental block with the concept of Steph and Death for Tim that year she was gone. Like error error, cannot run script sort of schtick.

But that's just a headcanon. I don't think the writer's cared enough about her, not enough for any of this to be intentional certainly.

#dc #ask and i'll babble #thank you for the ask! #tim drake #stephanie brown #timsteph #timsteph meta #i don't have screengrabs for reference of the moments I mention here but I promise I'm not making any of them up!!

[folklorelise]

That one time he said “you’re not my mother” & “I love you”

That one time they said, “you’re not my mother!” and that one time they said “I love you” — I decided to combine these two because I found it was too short otherwise :) enjoy

MASTERLIST

Eren Yaeger:

Most of the time, when Eren and Jean were fighting, it was in a friendly way – always bickering like siblings which is way if Levi or you were there, you would never get involved.

That is why when that one time they were fighting – for real – you and Levi arrived too late. Eren received a punch on his face and Jean had his arm broken. When you two noticed what was happening, you quickly run to where they were and separated them. Mikasa and you were restraining Eren while Levi took Jean away.

“Eren, you’re bleeding. Let’s go.” you told him before bringing him with you. “Mikasa, can you and the others stay here with Kuchel please?”

“Of course.”

When you arrived in your office, you took out your first aid kit and cleaned one of his wounds, and then stitched it up.

“What happened?” you asked Eren when you were done with the stitches.

“Nothing.”

“Well, you both ended up hurting each other so no, it was not nothing.” you argued.

“Whatever.” Eren mumbled.

“Eren! This is serious.” you raised your voice, “Jean was hurt–.”

“So was I! Why is it always everything about Jean with you? Oh right! He is your favourite after all.”

“This is not what we’re talking about right now. This is about you two being childish. Yes, you were hurt but Jean is not a titan, he can’t heal overnight. I don’t know why the fight started and I don’t want to because I’m sure it was for a ridiculous reason anyway.”

Eren was still on his nerves and he knew if he said anything, he would regret it – so he just kept quiet and stared at his shoes.

“You really don’t have anything to say?” you sighed. “Eren–, you should apologise. Both of–.”

“STOP! Stop pretending to care about me if all you want is go and check on Jean. Stop pretending you care about me at all – just, stop.”

“Eren–.” your voice quavered.

“And stop acting like my mother because you’re not. So, just leave me alone!” Eren yelled because storming out.

When you found Levi in his office, he was doing some paperwork with Kuchel on his lap.

“How did it go with Eren?” Levi asked you without looking up.

“Hm… not great.” you whimpered.

As soon as Levi heard your voice, he looked up and saw that your eyes were still red and puffy. He put Kuchel on the ground and came to embrace you. You continued to cry in his arms, putting your head on his shoulder.

“What happened?” Levi asked worried.

Levi did not insist on it when you refused to talk about it. Levi asked Sasha, Connie, and Jean to take care of Kuchel the rest of the day so he could spend the day with you.

You spend the day in your bedroom, switching between crying and sleeping. Levi stayed with you the whole time, with you clinging on him. After a few hours, you finally started to calm down and were ready to talk.

“Eren said that… it sounds ridiculous actually,” you tried to laugh, “he said that I wasn’t his mother which is true, I’m not.” you explained. “Is it weird? That I’m hurt because I consider Eren, and all of them, as one of my own children?”

“Eren’s an idiot. I’m sure he didn’t mean it.” Levi tried to reassure you.

Eren, on his side, went back to his room and stayed there for the rest of the day. After he calmed down and realised what he said to you, he started to regret it. He did not mean any of the words he said to you.

For the next few days, whenever you and Eren would see each other, you would just walk away. You did not know what to say to Eren, therefore you just decided to avoid him which is something everyone noticed. Eren really wanted to talk to you, he wanted to apologise but with you constantly walking away, it was impossible. Eren decided he would ask the captain’s help.

“I know she probably told you what happened.” Eren told Levi when he went to his office, “I just want to apologise, please?”

“Fine. She’s with Kuchel in our room.” Levi thought. “Then go and clean the stable!”

“Thank you.”

Eren run to your bedroom and went in without knocking. He found you reading a story to Kuchel and hesitated a second before calling your name.

“Eren!” you shouted surprised.

“I’m sorry, it’s just – I know you wouldn’t have opened the door.” Eren explained. “Mom,” Eren started before breaking down crying, “I’m sorry, please don’t ignore me anymore.”

“No cry.” Kuchel shouted, “ma-ma kiss, no cry.” she pulled your sleeve.

“Please don’t hate me.” Eren whispered.

“I could never hate you.” you said before hugging him.

Eren hold you so tightly that you could barely move.

“It’s ok,” you reassured him, “I could never hate one of my kids.” you admitted.

“So, you’re not mad right?”

“I’m not. It’s ok.” you patted his back.

“I didn’t mean.” Eren added, “I didn’t mean any of it.” Eren paused before adding “because I love you mom. I do.”

“Eren,” you smiled, “I love you too.”

“Lowe ma-ma me!” Kuchel shouted because you and Eren were too far away from her.

“I’m going to go now.” Eren said, “I still have cleaning duty.”

Eren left, and a sigh of relief left your mouth. Having him directly tell you that he did not mean it was a relief.

Jean Kirstein:

Levi had been thinking about having Jean to replace him as captain in a few years or even make him squad leader. Jean obviously proved himself to be a great leader – there was no excuse not to promote him to a higher rank. He never talked about that to anyone though, particularly not to you because he knew how worried you would be. After some time, Levi decided he would talk about it with Erwin.

“Are you telling me this because you want to retire?” Erwin asked him.

“No. I don’t to retire right now.”

“Okay.” Erwin took a moment to process what Levi just told him, “What did Y/N say?”

“Nothing.” Levi casually answered.

“Really?”

“I didn’t tell her anything yet.”

“Oh… Well, I don’t see any problems in making Jean a captain now or in a few years. He has a good sense of leadership. I think that’s a great idea.” Erwin stated.

“Bur?” Levi asked expecting Erwin to continue.

“No ‘but’, just…” Erwin took a deep breath, smiling slightly, “really excited to see Y/N’s reaction.”

“She’ll love that.”

After a few days, Levi decided to call you in his office at the same time as Jean to announce the big news he had. When Jean and you arrived, he sat down at his desk before explaining why he asked to see you.

“You grew up and learned a lot these past few months and years. You have every quality to make a great captain or even squad leader.”

“Oh,” Jean blushed, “thank you, but why are you telling me this?”

“I talked about it with Erwin, and he agrees with me that–.”

“Wait.” you cut Levi in his sentence, “are you seriously trying to make Jean captain right now?” you asked dumbstruck.

“If he wants, yes.”

“What?” you laughed nervously. “No! It’s… he’s a child! This is too much responsibility and pression for him.” you argued. “Jean,” you turned around to face him, “you’re not–.”

“Y/N,” Levi cut you, “he’s not a child anymore. You know how skilled he is on the field so why are you doing this?”

“Because being a captain is too much pressure! You are responsible for everything! Yes, it includes victories, but also every death of your friends and squad members.” you rumbled, “Jean, you’re not… you can’t do this. I refuse.”

“Y/N–.” Levi started but was cut short by Jean.

“You’re not my mother!” Jean yelled, “you don’t have the right to decide for me!” he added before leaving the room.

Silence prevailed in the room. Then suddenly you started to sob violently and collapsed on the ground. Levi slowly approached you and wrapped you in his arms.

“It’s ok.” Levi whispered, “he didn’t mean it.”

You spent the rest of the day in bed, regretting everything you previously said to Jean. Levi stayed beside you, trying to calm you down but it was not successful. At night, Levi decided to pay Jean a visit to see if he calmed down. When he knocked on Jean’s door, he heard a quiet ‘come in’. Jean was curled up on himself on his bed, with his blanket over him.

“I’m sorry.” Jean sobbed. “I– I.”

“You don’t have to apologise to me.” Levi said. “Tomorrow morning, you’ll come and apologise to Y/N because no one can understand you in this state.” Levi referred to his sobbing. “She’s sorry too, just so you know.”

Then, Levi came back to you and saw that you calmed down a bit, but he knew you were hurt. It was not the first time that one of the kids told you that. When Eren did, you were inconsolable and did stayed in bed for a few days.

The next day, Jean was up really early. He came in your office and waited for you inside, sitting on the couch. He waited a few hours, but you still were not there. You were eating breakfast and played a bit with Kuchel. When you finally walked in your office, you found Jean asleep on your couch. You took the blanket you kept for you at night and delicately put it on Jean, which did not work since he instantly woke up.

“Mom!” Jean said surprised and then immediately looked away.

Neither one of you knew what to say. You sat on the table in front of his, while he was still standing awkwardly.

“I’m sorry!” you both shouted at the same time.

“No!” Jean quickly added, “I didn’t– I didn’t mean it because it’s not true. You are. You are my mom and… I’m sorry, please don’t hate me.” Jean finished his sentence trying to hold his tears back.

“I– I’m sorry too.” you apologised and walked to him to hug him, “I’m sorry because I think you would make a great captain.” you tried to smile. “You are really talented, and it would be a waste not to make you captain.”

“No, if you’re not happy I don’t–.”

“I am happy, I was just scared.” you admitted. “You… you are my child and seeing you all grown-up and taking responsibilities… is terrifying. I don’t want to you to go through what Levi, and I did when we lost–.” you suddenly stopped, not wanting to talk about how many friends you all loss.

“I thought that you refused because you didn’t think I was good enough.” Jean admitted.

“You are good enough. You are more than that. I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”

“I’m sorry too.” Jean repeated.

//

Jean was always the first one to volunteer to take care of Kuchel when neither you nor Levi could. He loved spending time with her. He grew up without siblings, so since he saw you and Levi like his parents, Kuchel was like his little sister.

“Jean, thank you for doing this.” you gave him Kuchel, “Levi and I will be back in a few hours.”

“No problem, have a safe trip!”

Jean brought Kuchel back to his room and let her play with her toys. In the meantime, Armin, Eren and Mikasa came to see Kuchel too. Sasha and Connie came later on and stayed with Jean to play with Kuchel.

“Ja!” Kuchel screamed when she saw that Jean stopped playing with her.

“What did you say?” Jean asked shocked.

“Ja.” Kuchel pointed at Jean.

“That’s my name.” Jean said happily, “can you guys believe it?” he said to his friends.

“Oh, come on,” Connie replied, “It could be anything else.”

After trying to make Kuchel repeat it a few times, which was a failure, Sasha and Connie left Jean alone since they had cleaning duties to do before the Captain came back.

“I know you said my name earlier, even though you won’t repeat, it’s fine.”

“Ma-ma?” Kuchel asked.

“She’ll be back soon don’t worry.” Jean started to clean her toys. “You know, you’re very lucky to have them as your parents. They are awesome. I love them. I mean mom– no, da– no– I mean they’re great, you know?” Jean explained as if Kuchel could understand. “Never mind.”

Jean realised what he just said and started to think about if he should tell you or not. On one hand, he wanted to because he wanted you to know how much he appreciated you being there for him, but on the other hand, it was embarrassing.

“Kirstein.” Levi called him when he found him. “I still have to go and see Erwin so drop Kuchel to Y/N.” Levi told him.

“Da-da!” Kuchel yelled happily.

Levi kissed her before leaving. Jean walked to your office and knocked on the door.

“Yes?”

“It’s me, Jean.”

“Come in.” you said, “Kuchel, hiii.” you hold your baby. “How was the day with her?” you asked Jean.

“Good. It was good.” Jean answered. “I have to mh… go. Sasha and Connie, they’re… they need me.”

“Oh, okay, thank–.”

“I love you, bye mom!” Jean said before left running.

“Ja lowe ma-ma.”

When Levi came back to your office, he found you sitting on the couch looking at the ceiling.

“What’s the matter with you?”

“Jean just said he loves me. I can’t believe all my children are now opening to me now.” you pretended to cry. “Also, Kuchel just said Jean’s nam.”

“What?”

“Here, take Kuchel because I have to go and see Jean.”

“Ja!”

“Why?” Levi asked.

“He ran away before I could say anything.”

“A weirdo,” Levi looked at Kuchel, “the first name you said had to be his…”

“You always pretend to be annoyed by him, when I know for a fact you lo–.”

“Not listening, bye.” Levi closed the door before you could finish.

When you went to Jean’s room, he was obviously not here. Therefore, you just decided to take a piece of paper and then put it on his pillow.

When Jean came back to his room, he found a little piece of saying “I love you my boy, you didn’t have to run away.” And it was signed “Mom”.

Armin Arlet:

Armin’s new job was to teach the new cadets the expeditions’ strategy. When new cadets arrived in the survey corps, they were always surprised at how often Armin, Eren, Jean and Mikasa would call you ‘mom’ which ended up being their favourite topic during the day.

As usual, Armin would be early, waiting for the new soldiers to arrive. A group of friends were already there, talking way too loudly.

“You heard that too right?” one of them asked.

“Heard what?” another one asked.

“How the captain’s squad calls squad leader Y/N ‘mom’.”

“Yeah and?”

“Oh, come on. She obviously isn’t their real mom.”

“She isn’t?”

“Are you stupid? Anyway, I think that’s weird. I mean she has her own kid, right?”

Their discussion was cut short by other people arriving. Armin pretended he did not hear them and taught his class professionally. Near the end of the class, you decided to come so you could see if everything went well. You quietly took a place and watched until the end. When Armin was over, you walked to him started to congratulate him.

“Armin, you are a natural at this. That was really great!” you hugged him.

At the back, the group of friends who was talking about Armin and you earlier started to laugh, which Armin noticed. Armin immediately stepped away from you.

“Wh–.” you started.

“Stop doing that, you’re not my mother.” Armin stated loudly enough for everyone to hear. “Stop acting like my mother please.”

Every news cadets were looking at you both – the room was silent. Armin instantly regretted was he said and wanted to apologise but you just forced a smiled and left. You went to Levi’s office, who was with Kuchel.

“Hey. How was–.” Levi started to ask but stopped when he saw you trying to hold back yours tears.

“Armin said it. In front of so many people – it was… horrible.” you cried.

“Ma-ma?” Kuchel crawled towards you.

Levi stood up and came to hug you while Kuchel was grasping on your leg. 

“Y/N, they never mean it.” Levi reassured you.

“But…” you shook your head, “there was so many people watching us! No, they were staring at us.”

“Do you want me to go and talk to Armin?”

“No! It’s fine.” you sighed. “I mean… at this rate I’m used to it now.” you tried to laugh it up, but just ended up continuing sobbing.

“Ma-ma no cry!” Kuchel tried to comfort you.

“I’m not.” you smiled picking her up.

Levi and you spend the day playing with Kuchel – you tried to forget what Armin said and Levi wanted you not to think about it too much. Playing with Kuchel was one of the solutions. When it was time to eat, Levi suggested that he should just brought the food so you could eat in his office.

While Levi was gone, you gave Kuchel her toys and went to the bathroom. When you came back, Armin was playing with Kuchel.

“Armin. Hey.”

“Hey.” Armin mumbled. “Mh, I knocked on the door, but no one answered.”

“It’s ok.”

After a few minutes of silence, Levi entered the room with the food and stopped when he saw Armin. Levi looked at you and put the food on his desk.

“Do you need me to stay?” Levi whispered.

“Can you come back in ten minutes with Kuchel please?”

“Yeah.” Levi took Kuchel and left.

“I’m sorry about what I said.” Armin apologised looking at his feet. “I didn’t mean it.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not! I never should’ve said it on front of these people. I never should’ve said anything at all because it’s not true. I don’t think that.”

“Then why did you? Because… It’s just that these past few weeks, I,” you sighed loudly, “I heard that a lot…”

“Mom…” Armin frowned before hugging you. “I’m sorry.”

When you asked Armin what made him say it, he just avoided the question, saying that it was not important. Then, Levi came back so Armin left. He asked you what Armin had said, you told him that Armin did not say much.

A few days passed and you started to forget about that incident, but Levi wanted to know why it happened in the first place. That was why he asked Armin to meet him in his office one morning.

“What happened that morning?” Levi asked him.

Armin instantly knew what he was talking about and immediately looked away.

“I–.” Armin hesitated.

“No need to lie to me. I’ll know and you would just be wasting our time.”

“I heard people talking.” Armin whispered weakly. “They were saying things… like how weird it was for us to call her ‘mom’. And I thought, maybe that’s true.” Armin explained slowly. “I don’t know, I guess I wanted to show to these people that… it wasn’t true.”

When Armin was done talking, Levi nodded and let Armin leave. Levi never told you because Armin asked him not to. Armin never told anyone else what happened either – it was now their secret.

//

After that incident where you got badly injured, the cadets were having a hard time at night as well, especially for Armin and Jean who had to witness your body being thrown away. Both of them saw your body falling from a high level without being able to help.

Armin felt guilty because if he were not for him, you never would have got injured. After you woke up, he never really talked with you because of that guilt. You tried to talk to him because you wanted to make sure he was doing great, but every time he saw you, he would just walk away.

He would very often get nightmares too – it would often be about you regretting saving him, about you telling him that he should stop talking to you. He was scared.

“Armin,” Mikasa called him, “are you ok?”

“Yes. Why?” Armin answered absent-minded.

“You don’t look like yourself since… you know. Did you talk to–.”

“No.”

“Go talk to her.” Mikasa advised her friend.

After a few days of doing nothing, Mikasa decided to come to you because she was worried for Armin.

“I think Armin isn’t… He’s not ok.” Mikasa told you one morning.

“He’s been avoiding me I know. I thought giving him some space would be good, but I will talk to him.”

“He’s probably in his room, he’s not going out much.” Mikasa informed you.

“Thank you.”

You walked to Armin’s room and opened it without knocking, knowing if you did, he would have pretended to not be here. Armin was still sleeping, so you took a chair and placed it beside his bed and sat down. You took the book next to his bed and started to read it.

“AAH!” Armin screamed when he woke up.

“Why are you screaming like this in the morning!” you quickly put the book down.

“What– why are you here?” Armina asked hiding under his blanket.

“Mikasa was worried about you, and so was I. Why have you been avoiding me?”

“I haven’t.”

“Armin,” you stood up so you could sit on his bed, “Just tell me what has been bothering you.”

“Do you hate me?” Armin asked slowly after a long silence.

“What? No! Why would I?”

“You were hurt because of me. I was careless and–.”

“Armin, I don’t hate you.”

“But you almost–. Because of me…”

“I don’t hate you; I could never hate you. And it was not your fault at all. It was mine; I was careless and I didn’t think before acting.”

“Ok, that’s… good.” then Armin mumbled something else.

“What?” you asked confused.

“I love you mom.” Armin said timidly, looking away.

“I love you too Armin.” you said hugging him. “Get dressed now, I will wait for you in the mess hall.”

“Don’t tell anyone I said that!” Armin screamed when you left.

He was really embarrassed about it, but he was glad he did it. You were glad too, and you did not tell anyone beside Levi – you were too happy to not tell him.

Mikasa Ackerman:

Levi and his squad were training at hand-on-hand combat as usual, only this time, Mikasa was so distracted she ended spraining her ankle. She did not tell anyone and walked on her feet as if nothing happened. Eren noticed though. He noticed how she was putting more weight on her uninjured leg.

“What’s wrong with you?” Eren asked her once they were alone.

“Nothing.”

“What’s wrong with your leg?” Eren insisted.

“Noth–.”

“It’s clearly swollen. Your ankle is twice the size of the other one!”

“I’m fine.”

“Did you tell mom yet?”

“No, why would I?” Mikasa asked.

“Because you’re hurt which means you’re not going tomorrow.”

“We don’t run or walk – I’ll be fine.” Mikasa told him before leaving.

Eren decided if to tell you himself because he knew how stubborn Mikasa was. He found you with Levi in his office.

“Eren, hi!” you greeted him.

“Talk.” Levi said annoyed. “Don’t just stand here silently.”

“She’s hurt but she doesn’t want to tell you. Her ankle, she probably sprained it when we were training. And she wants to go to tomorrow’s expedition like that.”

“Oh, I’ll go and talk to her then.” you told them. “I will be right back.”

You assumed Mikasa would be in her room at this hour, so you went to her bedroom. You knocked on her door and a few seconds, Mikasa opened the door.

“Can I come in?” you smiled.

“Mh, yes.”

You watched Mikasa carefully, but she was good at pretending to be ok. You sat on her bed before making small talk first. You asked her how the training went.

“Fine.”

“Eren told me that you hurt yourself.”

“I’m fine.” Mikasa answered coldly.

“If it’s true, I don’t want you to leave tomorrow.”

“I’m fine.” Mikasa repeated irritated.

“Show me your ankle.”

“No.”

“Mikasa.”

“I said I’m fine, so stop. It doesn’t even hurt and if I go to sleep right now, I’ll have enough rest.”

“No. It’ll be worse if you leave tomorrow so you’re not going. That’s an order.” you concluded.

“You’re not my superior!” Mikasa shouted.

“Oh, you think Levi would disagree with me?” you laughed sarcastically.

“Well, you’re not my mother to decide something like this!” Mikasa argued.

“Mik–.”

“No, I- I’m sorry.” Mikasa immediately apologised. “I’m sorry.” Mikasa repeated.

“It’s ok.” you whispered. “It’s ok.”

“I’ll stay here tomorrow.” Mikasa agreed looking down.

“Do you need me to stay here with you tomorrow?”

“No, it’s fine.”

“Okay. Then I’ll go now.” you stood up.

“You’re not mad right?” Mikasa asked timidly before you left. “I didn’t mean it, I was just…”

“I’m not,” you turned around, “I know you didn’t mean it.”

Mikasa nodded and you smiled at her before closing the door. When you went back to Levi, Eren was still here as well.

“Mom! What did she say?” Eren asked.

“She’ll stay here.” you reassured Eren, “you can go now.”

“Are you ok?” Levi asked you once Eren left.

“Yes.” you paused a second before repeating, “Yes, I’m ok.”

“Ok.” Levi smiled slightly before walking up to you to kiss you.

//

After your accident, Mikasa became overprotective of you. When Levi started to work again after a few weeks, he was reluctant to do so because that meant leaving you. Fortunately, Mikasa told him that she would stay and help you until he was over with work.

Mikasa would bring you food and help you with some of your paperwork too.

“How are you feeling today?” Mikasa asked you.

“I’m ok thanks to you. You really didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to.”

Mikasa spent an entire week with you and Kuchel. Levi was glad that Mikasa was with you since he knew how serious she was about your safety. One night, when Levi came back pretty late, he found Mikasa sleeping in bed with you while Kuchel was in the middle, still awake. Levi gently took Kuchel and left with her.

“I guess I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.” Levi told Kuchel when he put her to sleep.

When he came back, he noticed that neither one of you had a blanket one you so before going to sleep, he put one on each of you.

In the morning, Mikasa was the first one to wake up. When she realised that she was in your bed, she quickly left the bed so she could leave, but before she could she looked at you and said: “I love you mom.”, thinking you were asleep.

“Mmh, I love you too Mikasa, now go back to sleep.” you mumbled still half asleep.

Mikasa’s eyes widened and left quickly thinking she had dreamt it. Levi was the next one to wake up but decided to continue to sleep next to you when he saw that Mikasa was no longer in the bed.

“Morning.” you said half awake. “Hey. Where did you sleep?”

“Couch.” Levi answered holding you tightly.

“M’sorry ‘bout that.”

“It’s ok.”

After you both brushed your teeth and washed your face – you went to eat. Mikasa was already in the mess hall with her friends, and she kept avoiding your gaze.

“What’s the matter with you?” Eren asked Mikasa.

“Nothing.”

“Mom!” Eren yelled, “come eat with us!”

Mikasa ate her breakfast really quickly before leaving. Eren and Armin were confused as much as Levi was. You were confused at first too, but then you remember what Mikasa had said to you before leaving – you excused yourself and went after her. You found her in her room, hiding under her blanket. You sat down and tried to take the blanket off.

“Mikasa come on, don’t be embarrassed.”

“How can I not?”

“Do you want to know a secret?” you waited for an answer but Mikasa did not say a thing, “You’re not the only one who said it so there’s no need to be embarrassed...”

“What?” Mikasa suddenly stood up. “Who did?”

“You know… some of them.” you admitted before leaving as if nothing happened.

“I need to know.” Mikasa murmured to herself.

#attack on titan x reader #levi ackerman x reader #squad leader mom au #eren yaeger x squad leader mom #mikasa ackerman x squad leader mom #jean kirstein x squad leader mom #armin arlet x squad leader mom #levi ackerman #armin arlet #mikasa ackerman #eren yaeger #jean kirstein #attack on titan fluff #levi akerman fluff

[beespeaks]

Just in case...

Stu Macher X Reader 

Stu gets nervous before his party and decides to come see you in case anything goes wrong...

Aged up characters in college/uni

Tags: Swearing, mentions of murder, character death, basic Scream plot with added character and it’s in college though that’s not mentioned, Making out, angst

Warnings: mentions of murder/violence, major character death

——————————————————————————

You were laying in bed, book in hand, trying to process the day. Casey Becker and Steve Orth had been murdered the night before, and if you were being honest, that scared you. From what everyone had said at school and what you had heard on the news, it had been a pretty violent death too. You didn’t understand who could ever do something like that and why? What could have possibly possessed someone to do that? It wasn’t right. 

You tried to push the thoughts away and focus on the book in your hands but you couldn’t shake the fear swirling in your belly. You were home alone and that just made it worse. You usually craved the nights your parents would go away and leave you alone, but tonight you wished there was someone else here with you. 

Stu was having a party tonight, and he pointedly didn’t invite you which just made you feel worse. In fact, he went out of his way to uninvite you and tell you not to come. You weren’t sure why he didn’t want you there or what you had done to upset him, but you pretended you didn’t care, laughing it off like it was no big deal. You hated parties anyway. 

A tapping on your bedroom window pulls you away from your thoughts and the neglected book in your hands. There was silence for a second as panic mounted in your gut and then you saw another flash against the window. Someone was throwing something at your window. The only person who ever did that was Stu. You hoped. 

Shakily, you padded across the floor to the window and peaked out into the night. It was hard to make out anything much but when you saw another flash against the glass, you knew it was Stu. This flash was green. He was throwing Skittles again. When you had asked him why, he said they were more fun than pebbles.

You sigh and slide the cool glass up the frame and peer out just as a red Skittle goes flying past your head into your bedroom. 

“Fuck!” Stu curses. “Sorry!” He stands on the pavement outside, a sheepish look on his face. He’s hunched in on himself, almost like he’s cold. 

“Can I come in?” He calls, his voice sounds strange and yet it still comforts you just like it always has. You shut the window and run down to let him in, trudging back up the stairs before he even gets in the door and refusing to look at him. Just because you hadn’t planned on going to that party, doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck that he didn’t want you there. 

Your bedroom is cold when you return and it feels smaller with Stu leaning against the doorframe behind you. 

“Y/N.” Stu starts and you turn around to look at him. He looks conflicted and small somehow, even considering his tall frame. Something is definitely bothering him and you want to ask what it is. You don’t though, something tells you that you don’t want to know. 

“Why wasn't I invited to your party?” You ask instead, you decide you can ask him about it tomorrow. Stu looks surprised by your question, it probably hadn’t occurred to him that it would bother you. Part of you thinks that’s sweet. 

“You don't want to come. Trust me.” Something dark laces his words but you brush it off, choosing instead to let his words irritate you. You cross your arms over your chest and glare at him. 

“How do you know? I might have wanted to.” Stu smiles slightly but his eyes still won’t meet yours, he keeps them trained on his shoes. 

“It sucks. You would hate it.” He murmurs and you scoff. 

“So, that’s why you’re here then, your party sucked so you thought you’d come and annoy me. How did you know I wouldn't have plans? I could have gone out tonight despite the curfew.” You almost yell. Stu is one of your best friends and there is defiantly something more there, but he always treated you like a second choice. A backup plan. He was always off with Tatum - his actual girlfriend, or Billy Loomis. The only times he ever had time for you was when no one else was around. You were sick of being a secret. 

Stu sighs at your outburst and pinches the bridge of his nose. 

“I’m glad you were home.” He whispers. It’s quiet, you almost miss it but it changes something. All the anger and hurt you had been holding onto vanishes and you finally take a proper look at the blonde boy in front of you. 

The usual loud, goofy idiot is quiet and he looks like he might break any second. He’s standing as close to the doorframe as he can, like he needs to it to hold himself up. His eyes are on anything but you and even from here you can see his breathing is uneven. 

“Stu? What’s wrong?” Taking steps towards him, you reach your hand out and touch his shoulder. He flinches slightly before leaning into your touch. “Stu, look at me.” You keep your voice low and soft, like you're talking to a frightened animal. Shaking his head a few times he turns his head slowly to you. His blue eyes are scared and sad and something else that breaks your heart. Now that he’s finally looking at you, his resolve starts to crumble. You were always the one thing that could break down his defenses. You were the one person he never had to pretend with. You were his safe place. 

“I’m scared, Y/N.” His voice breaks and then he’s crying, almost hysterically. Deep, laboured breathes and attempts to stop. You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him into a hug as fast as you can, wanting to make him feel even a little better as soon as you can. 

His arms wrap around you instantly, his face buried in your neck as he sobs. He’s shaking and digging his nails into your back but you don’t care. You have no idea what it is that could have him this upset. Stu has always been sensitive and he’ll cry at any sad movie the two of you watch, but even you’ve never seen him like this. 

“It’s okay, Stu. It’s okay.” You whisper as you press a kiss to his temple. He doesn’t tell you, but this is all he needed. All he ever needed. 

He does whisper something into the crook of your neck though. You don’t catch what it is until he pulls himself away from you to look into your eyes. He swears your eyes are the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. His own eyes are still red and filled with tears. 

“I love you.” He whispers and you gasp softly. If he had told you this any when else, you would have called bullshit and told him there were easier ways for him to get laid than fucking with your emotions. But the look in his eyes and the way he holds onto you like a lifeline, you can’t believe it’s a lie. You also can’t lie to him. 

“I love you, too.” 

His lips are on you before the words are even fully out of your mouth. A passionate, heated kiss filled with unspoken words and over a year of holding yourselves back. Your hands grip in his hair and his knead at your hips, pulling you impossibly closer. You cling to each other like you don’t need anything in the world as much as you need this, like he’s the oxygen you’ve been craving, like you’re the rain after the longest drought. 

The two of you move backwards and fall down onto the bed, never letting go of each other. He’s on top of you now and his lips are traveling to your neck to leave open-mouthed kisses and whispers of ‘I love you’ over and over again. You whisper it back every time. Even if you don’t know why he’s falling apart, you know that’s what he needs to hear to keep him together. 

Just as his lips are back on yours, softer and slower now but still as passionate as before, you hear a ringing. Stu pulls back and curses as he pulls a cellular telephone from his back pocket. He looks defeated and scared again. 

He doesn't answer the phone, just switches it off and slips it in his back pocket with a sigh. You don’t know why, but you know he’s about to leave. Maybe it was Tatum. She is his girlfriend after all. The reminder pangs in your chest. 

Stu’s blue eyes meet yours and you can’t find it in you to ask about Tatum or push him away like you should when he kisses you again. Softly and sadly. A kiss full of ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you’ and something that feels like goodbye. 

He pulls back to rest his forehead against yours and just breathe in your familiar, comforting scent for a moment longer. 

“I love you.” He whispers before getting up and leaving the room. He doesn’t look back.

When the phone rings in the middle of the night and your friend Randy recalls the events of Stu’s party, you collapse onto the floor as everything clicks into place in ways you really wish it wouldn’t. It felt like goodbye, because it was. 

Stu Macher was dead and you were always going to think about the fact that you saw him last. You could have stopped him, if you had just asked him one more time if he was okay. Just one more time and he might have told you what was happening. One more time and he might still be here.

At least now you knew why you weren’t invited to  his party.

#stu matcher x reader #stu macher #scream #scream 1996 #Stu Macher fic #Scream fic #Scream rewrite #billy loomis #fanfic #my writing #my fic #angst #angst without a happy ending #tw character death #tw murder mention #tw death mention #stu macher x you #stu macher x y/n #Stu macher x GN!Reader #GN reader #slasher #horror #horror movie #slasher movie #scream franchise #🥧 #🍦 #scream fanfiction #reader insert #writing

[arianaagreyy]

I Love You || James Potter

Pairing: James Potter x Fem!Reader

Words: 2096 words

Warning: Fluff, Insecurity, Emotional talk, Panic attack

___________________________________________________________

Y/N was the talk of Hogwarts. Intelligent, Sarcastic, Funny, Athletic but most of all, beautiful inside and out. The kindest soul to walk the grounds of Hogwarts. Kind to the Slytherins that bullied her, kind to the children who adored her.

It was no secret that James Potter was absolutely head over heels in love with his amazing girlfriend. Both of them were the ideal couple. Quidditch players, smart students, attractive looks. Girls envied Y/N whereas boys envied James and he liked showing you off as well.

But despite being loved by boys and girls alike, Y/N always had trouble fitting in. The day she transferred from Durmstrang to Hogwarts, she was terrified of how she'll fit in. She was on the verge of a panic attack when a red-head girl had so kindly offered her a hand to show around the castle, thus starting the friendship between Lily Evans and Y/N Y/L/N.

Now, with her friends, Y/N, Lily, Marlene and Dorcas entered the Potions classroom, tired because of laughing so hard from all the way from the Gryffindor dormitory to the Dungeons.

"Welcome ladies. So very kind of you to grace us with your presence", Professor Slughorn's voice seized their noise of laughter. Slughorn had a very sour expression on his face whereas two rows away, James Potter was looking at his girlfriend in awe.

The way her deep blue eyes were glistening in the light and shiny from laughing so hard, the way her lips formed the most beautiful smile James had ever seen in his life, the way her Y/H/C hair framed her perfectly carved face. He was so in love with her.

His thoughts were interrupted by a paper plane hitting the back of his head and falling on the table. He lifted the paper to open it.

Whipped. -Signed Moony, Padfoot and Wormtail.

He turned back to see the three boys trying to muffle the sound of their laughter by putting their hands on their mouths. James rolled his eyes and mouthed "Fuck off".

"We're sorry Professor. It won't happen again", her beautiful voice spoke. James looked around the class to see the boys looking at her with such admiration, It made him want to hex them all into the next century. Only he could see his Y/N with those eyes.

At the same time, James looked back at her just to see she was looking back at him with a smile so warm, it almost melted him.

"It shouldn't happen again. Now get inside. We already lost a lot of time", Slughorn rushed the girls into the class. All of them took their places next to their respective partners, Y/N being paired with Lucius Malfoy whereas James was stuck with Snape who, once in a while looked at him, rolled his eyes and went back to doing what he previously was.

James glanced over Y/N's direction to see Lucius Malfoy laughing silently on something Y/N said, a smile on her face as well. She was too good to people, even if they were undeserving of her kindness.

As time went by, James started getting more aware of the laughing noises coming from where his girlfriend was sitting. There were many thoughts running through his mind.

What if she thinks I'm not good enough.

What if she's not happy with me.

They both look so happy.

She has the ability to see the goodness in even the darkest of souls.

What if I'm not enough for her.

Consumed by his thoughts, he was at the verge of a panic attack when Professor Slughorn announced that the class was dismissed. James quickly picked up his books in one hand, slung his bag over his shoulder and bolted out of the classroom, not even sparing a glance towards Y/N, who was looking at James with concerned eyes.

Y/N sensed something was wrong so she very politely excused herself from Lucius, packed her stuff and ran off to the direction James did.

They had been together for nearly a year now but neither of them had told the other that they were completely and utterly in love with them. Y/N decided to tell him today. Now.

She had been building up her confidence to say this to him for a while now and that's what she was discussing with the girls earlier in the day until Marlene had changed the topic into something too hilarious.

She climbed the stairs that led to the Gryffindor Common Room, hoping she would find James there. She entered the Common Room to hear the sound of heavy breathing alongside muffled sobs coming from the boys' dormitory.

A lump formed in her throat as she slowly made her way towards the source of the sound. She opened the Marauders' room to find James sitting in a corner of the room with his knees scrunched up to his stomach, elbows on his knees and hands in his hair. He was shaking violently from the pressure of his sobs.

Y/N stood there trying to absorb the situation. Her strong, smart, funny boyfriend was sitting in a secluded corner of a room crying because of God knows what.

She slowly took steps towards him and fell on her knees in front of him. He somehow felt her presence as he stopped shaking and tried wiping away his tears but Y/N stopped his hand from reaching his face.

"You should be in class Y/N", he said, his voice raspy from crying so badly. Y/N's heart broke at the sight in front of her. He didn't lift up his head as he talked to her.

"And you should be dropping me to class", she spoke in a calming voice, trying to soothe him. Whenever she talked in this manner, James' nerves always calmed down but somehow this time, they only grew. His breathing started getting heavy again but he refused to look in her direction.

He knew he was over-thinking. He also talked to girls but Y/N never reacted in this way whereas when Y/N talked to any guy, he would start feeling this indescribable feeling to break that guy's face.

Y/N detected his heavy breathing and placed her hand on his bicep. James felt her soothing touch and his breathing returned to normal. Y/N then placed her hand on his already messy hair and started massaging his head, something she knew James liked.

He looked up to see her eyes full of concern and tears at the brims of them. As soon as Y/N looked into his eyes, a tear escaped her eye. His hazel eyes didn't have that mischievous glint in them; they had a broken look in them, like he lost something very dear to him.

James' hand was quick to wipe away the tear that left Y/N's eye. She looked so concerned for him. Just for him.

"James what's wrong?" she asked, her voice so calm, so enchanting.

"Is everything ok? Are Mia and Monty ok? Did something happened to Sirius? Are you hurt?" she bombarded him with concerning questions.

He shook his head as an indication that nothing of that sort happened. Her eyebrows furrowed as she spoke in a low voice:

"Did I do something wrong? I messed up. Didn't I?"

James quickly stood up on his feet, ears ringing from anger. How could she think that she did something to sadden him. She's perfect in every way. A perfect friend, a perfect girlfriend, a perfect daughter.

Y/N also stood up quickly, her hand falling from James' head.

"HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT?" he practically screamed at her.

"HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT YOU DID SOMETHING THAT COULD EVER SADDEN ME?"

By now he had lost all his senses. Nothing mattered more to him that his Y/N. His.

"You're the reason I smile everyday. You are the reason I wake up everyday. Just to look at you. You bring joy in my life, happiness that I never knew existed. Everything you do is so bloody perfect. You are so perfect", he spoke in a hushed voice but loud enough for Y/N to hear.

"And I can't even begin to thank you for all that you've done to me, for me. But me? What did I do to you besides showing you public affection? I never talked to you in class. I didn't buy gifts for you. I didn't stand up for you in class. I don't deserve you", he spoke, his eyes no longer connected to Y/N's.

She looked at the boy standing in front of him. That confident, arrogant toe-rag who looked so vulnerable right now.

"I see how the other boys look at you. With such admiration in their eyes. Whenever I find them staring at you, it just makes me feel as if I'm not good enough for you. I'll never be able to-"

He was cut off by Y/N throwing a pillow at his face. He finally looked up to see her face stained with tears, similar as his. Her eyes weren't glistening with happiness, they were glistening with sadness. Sadness that he could think he's not good enough for her.

"WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?" It was her turn to scream now.

"WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME", she shouted, tears falling from her eyes.

James was staring at Y/N with wide eyes. She was such a calm-spoken person and hearing her shout was new. But some part of him calmed down hearing her defend him.

"James, none of those boys were there for me when I needed help, none of them comforted me after my nightmares, none of them helped me catch up to my studies, none of them defended me from bullies. It was you. It was you all along", she said in a calm voice yet tears were still silently flowing from her eyes.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me James Potter. I don't care how those boys look at me. I care about how YOU look at me. You make me strong Potter. You make me happy", she said with a smile. I teary smile made its way to James' face as well.

"And I have absolutely no idea why you're so insecure about yourself because-", she stopped and took a deep breath.

"Because I love you James Potter. And even if I have to remind you that, I'll do it every single day, I will. Because I'll go any lengths just to be with you", she ended with a sniff.

James stood frozen, staring at her. Looking into her eyes.

Love.

He saw love in her eyes. Love for him. Not Lucius, not anybody. Him.

Before he knew it, he was taking fast steps towards her and slammed his lips to hers. This felt right. It felt as though they were home. In each other's arms. A comfortable warmth spread through their bodies as they held each other close with an intention of never letting go. Y/N was his drug and he gladly surrendered to her.

They broke apart with a smile etched on both of their faces.

"I love you Y/N. I love you more than myself", he said, sincerity in his voice.

"I know. I'm just too irresistible", she said, flipping her hair off her shoulder and looking at James with a smile that he wished he he could see everyday.

James pulled her into a comfortable embrace. Her hands rested on his neck and his on her waist, pulling her close. He dug his face into the crook of her neck.

"I'm never letting you go Mrs. Potter", his voice came out muffled. She let out a small chuckle which made blood rise to James' cheeks.

Suddenly, she pulled apart and looked at him with a glint in her eyes that meant trouble.

"Did you get jealous because I was talking to Lucius earlier?", she asked with a raised eyebrow. James didn't reply, just looked down, his face getting redder. she let out a laugh.

"Oh my god. I absolutely have to tell Pads and Moony you got jealous of Lucius", she shouted as she darted towards the exit, looking at James one more time before winking at him and left.

Too surprised to do anything, he let out a laugh of his own. A laugh of happiness, a laugh of love.

#james potter x you #james potter x reader #marauders #harry potter #hogwarts #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin #gryffindor #lucius malfoy x you #angst with a happy ending #hp text post #marauders x you #sirius orion black #marauders x y/n #lily evans #atyd marlene #x y/n

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Fearing You, Loving You | Part 1

Sequel to I'm Yours, You're Mine

Genre: Smut

Warnings: yandere!felix, sub!felix, dom!reader, lactation kink, tit fucking, degradation. 

“Just fucking feed.” You shout at the baby in your arms who refuses to suckle anymore. Your breasts had become so overfilled lately, it was painful, and the damned baby refused to feed more than a little here and there, leaving you frustrated and in pain.  

Felix quickly steps up to where you were sitting on the bed and takes the baby away from you, a look of concern on his face as if he’s worried you’ll hurt the baby which is fucking rich coming from him.

Swinging the girl in his arms, he tries to lull her to sleep. “Calm down, noona.”

Anger surges up inside you at his words, and you whisper at him harshly, careful to keep your voice down so the damned child would go to sleep. “Calm down? Why don’t you try having breasts fucking bursting with milk that that stupid baby won’t drink, huh? But I guess I shouldn’t expect any sympathy from you. You did this to me!”

You notice his face flush and he turns away from you, putting the baby in her bassinet, and you think he’s embarrassed for being called out. Boy, were you wrong. You shouldn’t have assumed that he has any shame.

Felix comes over to join you in the bed, getting on top of you and pushing you so you’d lie down on your back then he lifts your shirt up. You let him do what he wants, by now having learned that it’s better not to resist. He cups your breasts gently, moving and pressing on them experimentally until some milk seeps out of your nipples. He gasps when he sees the white liquid, mouth opening and eyes becoming half-lidded. 

“Felix?” You ask, sure you were imagining things. But then he bends down and laps up the milk with his tongue. “Felix, what are you doing?!” 

He looks up at you from over your chest, eyes completely hazy now. “Let me take the pain away, noona.” 

“Wha--” Your question gets cut off as Felix latches onto one of your nipples and sucks, drawing the milk out of your breast. You squirm under him but he holds you tight, not letting you pull away, and soon, you begin to feel a little relief, the breast he is sucking on not quite so painfully overfilled anymore. And a little later, it’s not just relief you feel, but arousal. 

It’s been a long time since Felix touched you. First you were getting too big and it was becoming painful and you had persuaded him that it could harm the baby, and after you’d given birth the doctor recommended that you not have sex for six weeks, a piece of advice you clung to and greatly welcomed. 

But to your surprise and mortification, the deprivation wasn’t just getting to Felix but to you too. Especially that he would jerk himself off almost every night, right in front of you as he got off to the sight of your round belly and your swollen breasts, moaning and whimpering about how he can’t wait to fuck you again, for you to fuck him again. 

You couldn’t admit to him that you were feeling needy too. Neither could you touch yourself discreetly because he was always with you. So now, with the first contact in months, you can’t help getting wet. 

Felix seemed to be enjoying it a lot too as you feel his hips start to move against your thigh as he lets out little groans of appreciation between pulling and sucking on your nipple. 

You’re the one to push him to the other breast, needing it to be milked too so it would stop hurting and Felix gladly obliges, suckling on it eagerly as he humps your leg. 

Tangling your hand in his messy hair, you make him look at you. “Fucking pervert. Are you getting off on this?” 

Your glistening nipple falls out of his mouth as he moans and bucks his hips particularly hard against you, happy you’re finally giving him attention. “I’m just trying to help, noona.” He whimpers, pulling back slightly and squeezing your breast, groaning as more milk leaks out. “I did this to you.” He repeats your earlier words but it comes out as more of prideful and awed proclamation than a guilty one. He loves that he made you this way. 

“I want to keep you like this forever.” Pulling back, he spreads your legs and pushes your panties to the side. “I should knock you up again.” 

Alarmed, you slap him, “No!” 

You immediately realize your mistake and flinch back, preparing for his retaliation, but to your surprise he just whimpers and stares at you expectantly. Quickly gathering your wits, you understand what is happening. He wants you to take control. He’s been craving it for months, but he just wasn’t confident in giving you back control yet. But now that the baby is born, he must feel so much more secure. 

To test your theory, you slap him again on the same cheek. “Bad boy!” 

“Mommy…” Felix whimpers, trying to get closer to you again, the new title he'd given you since your pregnancy lewd on his tongue. “Fuck me, mommy.” 

“You think I’ll let your dick anywhere near me after all you did to me?” 

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to make sure we’d be together. I love you.” 

"Shut up, you selfish slut." You pull him up by his hair until he's straddling just below your chest. Grabbing his dick, you start pumping it. "The only thing you care about is getting your rocks off. You don't care about me."

"I care! I love you!" He bucks into your hold, mouth falling open. "Just needed you to see."

You let go of his dick and he whines at the loss and thrusts into the empty air, his dick almost touching your face. You slap his dick and he winces and stops moving. 

"Since you like my tits so much, why don't you fuck them?" You tell him, holding your breasts together. "Wanna fuck mommy's tits, dirty boy?"

He nods eagerly and pushes his dick between your breasts. He tries to hold onto them to steady himself but you smack his hands away. "Hands behind your back, slut." 

He obeys, and although he finds it difficult to stabilize himself, he does his best, thrusting his dick between your breasts. He’s fractic about it, the deprivation getting to his head and the sight of his dick disappearing between your tits pushing him to the edge fast. 

“You like it, baby?” 

“Yes, mommy. Thank you.” He cries, his thrusts getting sloppy, and you know he’s close. But just before he can cum, you let your breasts go and grab the base of his dick tightly, cutting off his orgasm. 

He whines loudly and tries to thrust into your closed fist but your grip is way too tight. "Mommy, don't tease please. It's been too long."

“I’ll do what I fucking please. You’re mine, aren’t you?” You say ominously, reminding him of his promise to you before your pregnancy. 

He lets out little sobs as the high leaves his body, but he doesn’t protest anymore. “Yes, mommy. All yours.” 

When he calms down, you order him to fuck your tits again. And once again, you staunch off his orgasm right before he explodes. Then you wait until he’s away from the edge and repeat the whole process over and over again until he's shaking and crying above you.

“M-mommy---ahhh----p-please let me c-cum. Mommy, please!” Tears stream down his face as he struggles to stay seated over you even though you’ve let him use his hands to anchor himself by now.  

“Wanna cum, baby?” You murmur, lightly tracing your thumb over his wet, red dick. 

He nods his head violently. “Please, please, please.” 

You grab one of your breasts with your free hand and rub the nipple over his weeping slit. Felix takes in a sharp breath as he watches you rub your engorged nipple against the head of his dick. Smirking up at him, you squeeze your breast a little, letting some of the milk leak drip down his cock. 

"Fuck!" Felix shouts, cum dribbling out of his dick like your milk. He thrusts against your breast but your grip on his cock doesn’t really allow him to get much stimulation, and he starts wailing, frustrated out of his mind from the maddening pleasure that was enough to make him cum but not enough to give him the satisfaction he craved. 

His cries wake up the baby, but he barely notices, tearfully begging you to give him a proper orgasm. “Please... stroke my dick, noona---ngh---just o-once or twice. Ah---T-that’s all I need. P-please.” 

But you just push him off, wiping your hands on the sheets.  "You already came. You're not cumming again today and certainly not in mommy's pussy."

“But m-mommy--” He tries to cling onto you but you push him away resolutely. “Go put the baby to sleep. You woke her up.”

_________________

A/N: lol let me know if you want more IYYM drabbles or if I should write something new. in any case give me ideas for either cuz I’m feeling uninspired  

#stray kids smut #felix smut #dom!reader #sub!idol #yandere!felix #iyym

[cherryjuicegf]

death of a poet

for @whataboutthebard september 16 whump prompt: major character death || geraskier, T, 1.8k, angst, implied/referenced suicide (kind of)

ao3

The greatest act of love, they say, is to die for it.

Jaskier laughed, always laughed at this concept. There’s no doubt, of course, one’s whole life lost as a declaration of love, the highest sacrifice. But not the only one. And it amazed him, how people never seemed to acknowledge anything else, how fairytales of noble knights ended with them throwing their lives away, and for what? For love. Always for love. There was no doubt, and if there was, who was he to utter it?

Still. He wondered, the roots of the poet he was meant to be growing inside him, blooming since childhood. And he wondered, why, why die for love, why not live for it? Why waste this blooming of hearts in the eternal darkness, in grief and the wailing complaint of what could have been? Why, when there is so much beauty in the love of living things? He wondered, always wondered. And his mother smiled, with this faint bitterness of unexpected knowledge, and whispered, you can live for love if you want, sweet child, but one day you’ll understand.

Yet he didn’t understand. And he hated it, hated that he didn’t. Hated that he couldn’t find anything to try and understand in the first place. One day he would understand, yet people smiled at him, flowers bloomed in spring, birds sang on the branches, the wine tasted so sweet and the strings of the lute sounded so magical in the evening hush. And he wondered, always wondered, when would the day come, and what greater love there is, that you’re willing to die for it, even if you don’t lay eyes upon it ever again?

The fire in the hearth suddenly goes out.

A tragic fate, the mage had laughed. True love’s kiss. No one could ever love a monster.

I love him. He’s not a monster.

He’s not?

Geralt’s eyes are glowing in a light Jaskier hasn’t seen before, in a light he never wishes to see again. They’re glowing, and something unworldly glows with them, laughs with the evil memory of fairy tales, and evil sorceresses and true love’s kisses. As the blade glistens dangerously close to his eyes, as he walks backward in trembling steps, he thinks they’re so far away from what would make a beautiful fairytale to tell children before sleep. There will be no happy ending here. Somehow he knows.

There’s a tickle on his fingertips, burning.

The sword whips beside his ear and he stumbles back once more, panting, breath coming out strained. He raises his head, looks at Geralt. Or what he remembers was Geralt. Because now what he sees seems foreign, cold, and the amber in his eyes doesn’t warm him like the sun anymore, instead burns, like a fire which he willingly, inevitably steps into. There’s a lump caught in his throat, a sob screaming to get out. And, as though on instinct, with the strongest pang of guilt numbing his bones, he has to remind himself. He’s not a monster, he’s not a monster. He’s not Geralt. Geralt is not a monster.

For a moment, for the barest of seconds, he meets Geralt’s, no, the man’s eyes and, like the fool, like the poet he is, he hopes. “Geralt,” he says and his voice shakes weakly with the terrifying hint of denial, “Geralt, it’s me, please.” The air is ripped by the blade once again, he steps back, eyes still locked with amber. A whimper. “Come back to me, love, please. I love you, come back.”

For a moment, for the barest of seconds, the sun entering from the narrow, stained window reflects on Geralt’s eyes and something familiar glints behind them, a distant scream of a heart wailing to get out. But it’s only for a moment. Because Geralt growls and lowers his sword again with maniacal force and Jaskier screams, ducks and falls on his knees in an ironic parody of a plea for mercy. There’s a feeling of wetness on his bicep and he hisses as crimson blood stains the white sleeve. Not his fault, Jaskier reminds himself, not his fault.

It’s not his fault, yet he wants to cry as he stares into his eyes, cold like the blade that threatens to tear him to pieces, cold like the countless winter nights he’s spent without him, cold like his hand as he grasps it desperately, pushes him back in a failed attempt to trap him, in a foolish, hopeless hope of making him throw the sword away.

A true love’s kiss, he thinks, and almost laughs, because it sounds more like a death wish. And he’s starting to think it will be.

And then he sees Geralt raising his hand and before he has time to think about it, he’s being swept back with the most violent wind, and falls head first on the wall behind him. And slumps to fall on his knees. But there’s a sudden sting on his abdomen and he opens his eyes just in time to see the silver blade pointed on tender skin and jolts back with a gasp, stuck on the wall. “Fuck, Geralt,” he pants and looks at him and, for some reason, he expects his stare to be requited. It is. But it’s empty. It’s empty, and the sword on his stomach tickles painfully and the room is whirling. He blinks hard, gasps again. He can’t hold on, he knows.

And as he gazes at Geralt, he remembers. Warmth. Faint smiles, fingers down his back. Lips tasting of sweet wine, and flowers on his hair, and sleepy eyes staring at him before dropping, and love, and safety, and home . And finally, finally he understands.

He hates that he understands. But then again, the blade is cold like a hug full of regrets and Geralt’s eyes are empty and, oh, what he wouldn’t give to see those eyes, familiar and warm and looking at him again, even if it’s for the last time. He hasn’t much left to give, truth be told. Only his hope, and his life, and he feels them both competing for which is going to reach the end of the line.

“Geralt,” he whispers, again, and that spare root of hope he had starts to rot. “Geralt, please, don’t...” Are those tears? His eyes are burning. “Wake up, love, it’s me.”

What hope? He knows there is not. He knows, because it’s empty, forever empty, and the blade stings deeper and he pleads, Geralt, Geralt, Geralt, as if it means anything anymore, as if it’s Geralt.

He understands. And knows, if he’s to die, he has to die the way he lived, by love, as a poet. For love, then. As a poet, and for love.

So he straightens himself, eyes steady on Geralt. And takes a step forward against the blade.

It’s numbing, the pain. Another step. He gasps, chokes on his own blood. Another step, and Geralt stares, empty, blade steady in place as though on purpose, but there’s a familiar glint somewhere in there now, a familiar fear. Jaskier is close. His feet are giving in, his breath is shortening, and it’s a pity really, such a torturous death.. He’s close. So close that he can rest on Geralt’s shoulder, and he feels the blade ripping his flesh, his insides, his everything. He coughs up blood, chokes, eyes rolling to the back of his head. And he feels the blade dripping behind him. And he feels Geralt’s breath on his skin. So he cups his face in a shaking hand, and leans in.

It’s nothing. A brush of lips, tender in all its agony. It’s nothing. The world is blurring. It’s love.

It’s nothing.

The sword slips away as he falls, leaving behind nothing but a puddle of unending blood and slowly consuming darkness and he thinks, it’s supposed to be bright, it’s supposed to hurt less now.

He thinks, he’s supposed to spare himself from Geralt’s anguished look when he comes to, and realizes.

Instead.

“Jaskier!”

He doesn’t feel the pain. Only his body, lifted from the floor, and the scorching blood and the arms, those arms that hold him so tight he wants to scream all the apologies, all the regrets of the world. He doesn’t need to. They all echo in Geralt’s eyes.

It’s sweet, the pain. It’s melodic, the plea. Jaskier, please, stay with me, you fool, you’re alright, stay with me.

He wants to laugh. He’s long gone.

The greatest act, to die for love. A fitting ending, for a poet. He wishes someone will write it, this story, their story, and maybe give it a happier ending. Maybe they will go to the coast. Maybe they’ll end up closing their eyes together, holding each other tight, and maybe there’s no blood, only bitter tears of happiness.

It’s a fairytale. It can’t be tragic.

I love you, you’ll be alright, please, please don’t leave me alone.

A forehead pressed against his and he stares at Geralt and, oh, how he misses him already, and how bright he looks in his sorrow, how beautiful behind the veil that slowly falls between them. Jaskier parts his lips, chokes. “Geralt,” he croaks and it sounds like a sob uttered by every single wilting flower in the world. “Geralt, look at me.” He raises a trembling hand on his face, his fingertips leaving smudges of blood over the falling tears.

Geralt doesn’t look. Only stares at the wound, and back at Jaskier, unfocused, horrified, numb, as though it won’t happen if he doesn’t acknowledge.

It’s darker now, and there’s a last grip holding him back, and Jaskier knows it’s the warmth of Geralt’s hug, always is. “If I die for you, will you live for me, love?” he whispers and finally, finally Geralt turns at him, eyes wide, and Jaskier smiles, something close to a wince, as though it’ll hurt less like that, letting go.

Geralt shakes his head. “If I refuse will you stay alive?”

A huff. Painful. “No. No, I don’t think so.” It’s silent like the breeze now, his voice. Jaskier wipes the rivers of tears on Geralt’s cheek and smiles again, and this time it’s genuine, probably because it’s the last one. “It’s alright, hush. You’re not alone.” Shaking, he removes silver strands away from Geralt’s eyes, and slumps, leans on his shoulder as though finally resting. “Hush now, my love. Let me look into your eyes one last time.”

He does. He looks. It’s the same eyes, same as always, warm and loving, like a tender caress.

To die for love. How tragic. But what is a poet’s love, if not the most heart-wrenching tragedy?

The bloodied hand gently falls on the floor.

There’s a streak of red light coming through the stained window, and rests on blue eyes, mistaking them for the peaceful sea after a storm in their stillness.

They stare, forever open, and somehow forever warm.

They stare, and Geralt finally stares back. And slowly, agonizingly, like a sob echoing in eternity between the pages of every promised fairytale, he screams.

#the witcher #geraskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #geralt x jaskier #major character death #cursed geralt #chrysa writes #what about the bard #watb #fic recs #angst #you know i had to do it to em #i don't really like this but ehhh