#and he gets closure i assume but like nobody gets to be sad

[maybankswhore]

no body , no crime ’ tyler galpin

pairings: tyler galpin x reader

summary: after noticing tyler’s abnormal behavior , you start piecing things together. and at your breaking point , you confront tyler about the things you’re beginning to assume & feel.

warnings: cursing , gaslighting , betrayal , heartbreak , sadness , shitty writing.

“ i think he did it & i just can’t prove it. ”

You tried really hard to ignore that feeling in your stomach.

You really , really did.

But you knew Tyler better than anyone else. Better than his dad , better than Wednesday Addams could ever , and even better than himself.

It was a slow transition. It didn’t happen all at once. It took you awhile to remember back to when it first started. . . Before Wednesday even arrived , or before the two had even met.

One day he had came into the Weathervane so happy. His entire mood was energetic and bouncy. His eyes were wide and pupils were dilated. You swore up and down that he was high or something. And when you asked , he gave some vague answer about just being happy and he kissed your cheek , and then you never talked about it again.

He started staying out later. Gradually as the weeks went by and the seasons changed , you saw less and less of Tyler once evening came.

Unless he was working a late shift at the coffee shop , the latest you saw him was six in the afternoon and if you were lucky , seven thirty.

You tried ignoring it at first. You told yourself you were being silly and he was probably just really busy , or depressed and wasn’t ready to talk about it. You tried every excuse in the book to ignore the feeling you got every time you were next to him.

Then he started getting more tired of you. He snapped at you more and his eyes were forever changed to a dark brown compared the shimmering light hazel look they held when he was in the sun. Sometimes the bags under his eyes were so bad , you’d be worried sick something was really wrong.

Once Wednesday waltzed herself into Tyler’s life , his attention was immediately on her. It struck your heart , truly , seeing as though he seemed to really enjoy his time around her. More than he was having with you in the last six months.

The disappearance of Rowan was the last straw from you. All of the sneaking around , the whispers from Xavier and Wednesday talking about like nobody else around them could hear. . . but you did.

You had researched as much as you could. Coming into a couple dead ends until the night Wednesday was attacked by Rowan— and Tyler was nowhere to be seen.

You waited to confront him until it was the right time. The waiting nearly killed you. Sick to your stomach , wondering what to say and how to go about it. It was Tyler. Out of all people it was Tyler , and you could never see someone as kind and patient as him potentially be something so evil.

But you needed to find out the truth.

Finally you had your chance when he picked you up in Jericho after you called , demanding that you two spoke. He tried making up an excuse to get out of it , like he had been doing for months. But you didn’t let up.

“So what couldn’t wait.” Tyler sighed as he parked the car in a vacant parking lot , turning down the AC so he could hear you better.

You slid yourself towards the passenger door , swallowing the nerve’s threatening to come up as you avoided looking at him. “You’ve been lying to me.” You muttered , recounting every lie he had told , each time and each different excuse.

Tyler scoffed. “About what?” He shook his head and watched you carefully , noticing the unusual distance you were keeping.

“You know you have.” You pushed. You focused on your own hands , playing with them to ease your nerves. “I–I’ve been wondering what’s going on with you. Why you haven’t been here. . .” your bottom lip trembled as you were finally able to speak about your feelings , feel closure behind everything you’ve been thinking in your head. You weren’t crazy.

“Baby–”

“No.” You cut him off sternly , finally picking your head back up to look him in the eye. “Tell me the truth , Tyler. Was it you that hurt Rowan? Made him disappear?” You accused. You remembered Wednesday’s mumbling about to her floating hand ‘thing’– as she called him. Your lurking and eavesdropping was not for nothing— and you were putting the pieces together.

It couldn’t have been Xavier. Not when Tyler disappeared exactly when things conspired.

“W–What?” Tyler’s eyes grew wide at your big accusation. Sweat began to form at the back of his neck , scoffing dismissively. “You can’t be seriously asking me that.”

“I am.” You defended yourself , crossing your arms. “I don’t know what it is you’re doing , Tyler but I know there’s something you’re not telling me.” Your breath was shaky as you paused to collect yourself. “And if you aren’t telling me about me , then I know it can’t be anything good because you– you’ve always been honest with me. You’ve always told me everything.” Feeling yourself getting worked up , you sat up and turned your head away from him.

Tyler looked like a deer in headlights. You couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen this coming— that his actions hadn’t mattered to you or something. Like you hadn’t cared enough to notice something was different.

“Is it some prank you’re pulling with your normie friends?” You filled his silence with more accusations. “Or is it something even worse , Tyler? Something that’s gonna get people hurt— you hurt?”

“How could you ask me something like that?” Tyler gaped at you. His face full of hurt. “I told you I slipped off to use the bathroom—” he shook his head. “Y/N you’re my girlfriend.” He looked at you square in the eye , searching your face and scanning your expression. “You know me.”

You shook your head almost laughing. “Do I? I’ve barely even seen you these past few weeks. You’re always out , doing something with Wednesday then going to therapy and going God knows where every night when you tell me you have things to do and never elaborate what those things are! You don’t speak to me half the time , or look at me. When we are together you’re somewhere else , counting down the seconds until you’re finally rid of me.”

“That’s not true.” Tyler scratched his head anxiously , shaking his head quickly. “It’s not. I’m sorry , okay? I’m sorry I’ve been distant I’ve just—” he tried coming up with something quick , sensing your disconnection. He didn’t like it and he didn’t like the situation he was in.

He loved you. He really did. He hadn’t meant for everything to get screwed up. You were never supposed to be apart of anything.

“We can get better.” Tyler reasoned. He reached over the center console to find your hand that had been fisting the material of your clothes for comfort. You sighed at the contact , eye’s fluttering closed.

“That doesn’t explain what’s going on.” You said lowly. You should’ve took your hand away , but you couldn’t. You liked the feeling too much. You missed him way too much. “Something bad is going on , Tyler. I know there is. What aren’t you telling me?” Finally getting the courage to meet his eyes , your eyes locked together and you could feel your shoulders start to relax and your body crave to get closer to his. The sadness in his eyes , glazing over with anxiety and hesitation. You hated seeing him like this. “Please. . .” you whispered , reaching up to cup his cheek. “Tell me what’s going on.”

Tyler’s eyes began to tear up as you touched him. He didn’t realize how far apart the two of you had been. He melted into your palm , fluttering his eyes closed at the touch. “I wish I could.”

“You can.” You pushed. “Whatever it is , we can get through it together.”

“I just. . .” Tyler sighed. “I just need you to not give up on me.” He avoided your question easily , pleading with his eyes to get you to drop it.

Your stomach fell at his words and you knew.

“I can feel my heart breaking.” You whispered to him. “Because I’m scared.”

Tyler frowned and grabbed your chin softly. “Hey , don’t say that. You shouldn’t be scared of anything.”

“I’m scared about how much it’s gonna hurt when I find out what’s going on with you Tyler.” You admitted shamefully , bottom lip trembling. “Because I know you , more than anyone and something isn’t right.”

You had no proof. You had nothing but assumptions that you had pieced together. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as you were thinking. Maybe you were being overdramatic and let Wednesday’s detective act was getting to you.

You wanted to believe him but you couldn’t.

Whatever he was doing , you couldn’t prove it. And without proof , you had nothing.

But you were going to find out.

#Spotify #wednesday #taylor swift #tyler galpin #tyler galpin x reader #tyler galpin x y/n #tyler galpin angst #tyler galpin imagine

[apotelesmaa]

I lovvvve thinking about dtk and black star like way past the manga (assuming black star is immortal here via him becoming a god out of sheer force of will) dealing with immortality and losing their friends it’s so fascinating to me (statements said by the truly deranged)…. Rotating it in my mind… Incomprehensible rambling under the read more

I think that like objectively kid would probably be the most prepared for it given he’s a literal death god but it would still be painful. He’s not really human but he had the very human experience of growing up with a tight group of friends and now has to deal with the very human emotion of grief and figure out how to navigate that. I feel like he would (shockingly) have a pretty healthy response after a few years of grieving because unlike with his dad he would actually get closure here. Idk if he would ever get another weapon partner again though like he would probably at least use whatever high ranking weapon at dwma was closest on the very rare chance he needed one but nobody could ever replace the thompsons. I feel like he would also just have little reminders of his friends everywhere just to keep them in his memory.

I see a lot of people saying he would withdraw completely and distance himself from humanity but like… I don’t think he would ever do that the thing about kid that really differentiated him from his dad was he was raised with humans and interacted with them frequently which fostered a connection that lord death didn’t really have. He in general has such a love for humanity and people I feel like he would be very involved at the dwma with the students and faculty. Lord death was kinda like… he Liked humans but he still viewed himself as something else first and foremost. Kicking the can of worms that was asura down the road for later never telling anyone anything because it’s a god problem not a problem for humans. He made zero effort to talk to the witches as well because he kinda just went “well they’re all evil and that’ll never change” & never confronted that belief. As opposed to dtk who went to the witches to help and put all his faith in his friends and relied on them heavily. He Likes People… He still would want to talk to the humans around him and help them. I cannot see him doing what his dad did and just locking himself in the death room forever and ever. Nothing will replace his friends but that doesn’t mean he can’t make new friends.

Black star however I think would handle it poorly for a long time I don’t think he knows what healthy coping mechanisms are. He’s very all or nothing. Only deals in extremes. Stuck in the anger stage of grief for a long time. I think he would fuck off into the wilderness for like 5 years and stew into his depression before eventually coming back to dwma like a sad wet cat. Kid knew where he was the entire time but knew he needed space so he just let him be. (Dtk voice) oh good you’re back (genuine) you are going to therapy if even if I have to drag you there myself & if you ever disappear like that again I will make you do paperwork for years (threatening). I think he would to some extent become as distanced as lord death was just because he doesn’t want to go through that again. Friendly with all the people around him but never really going past a surface level of knowing them. Also he would absolutely never get another weapon partner he would just pull a mifune and use a real non magic boring sword. Eventually gets better about the distance thing because kid mandated therapy if he wanted to keep doing missions. He kinda becomes the go to guy at dwma for dangerous missions because he thinks they’re fun and he enjoys bragging about it. Maybe trains some students on the side and makes suggestions about the curriculum. He gets absolutely no say in the day to day operations of the dwma though he would burn it to the ground. Black star lies and tells students he’s the second cooler death god. (BS voice) who cares about that stuffy guy who does boring paperwork all day you guys should be worshipping ME (dtk voice) that is because he does not know how to do paperwork. he just submits his autograph.

I ultimately think they would support each other and rely on each other because they’re friends first and foremost but also because they’re kinda the only ones who get what it’s like. They both keep the memory of their friends alive and it’s nice to have someone else who remembers them. Insert the panels of black star saying he wants to bring about a balanced world with kid or whatever he said during their rematch. Sharing the burden of both grief and also keeping the world’s balance in check. Excalibur also gets it but he and black star cannot be in the same room for more then 10 minutes before black star starts trying (and failing) to violently murder him.

As a side note I think dtk and Excalibur would become… not friends. But Excalibur was close to his dad and seems to feel some degree of responsibility over kid because of it. Functions as the annoying pop up window that tells kid to take a break and occasionally gives good advice when he isn’t acting Like That. Dtk forgives black star for ghosting him for 5 years but will never forgive being forced to spend 5 years with Excalibur by himself & so every time Excalibur comes by kid redirects him to black star like “black star was just telling me the other day he couldn’t remember your legend you should go remind him :)”

#soul eater #not very well articulated because I’m tired but I wanted it out of my head #u can interpret this as romantic or platonic I really don’t care I just like their dynamic #i have thoughts on kidstar in the romantic sense that I can share if asked but I think solely looking at a dynamic thru that lens makes you #miss things. I just like looking at canon and playing with it like it’s a sand box. #also skirting around the details of actual character death because thinking about it makes me too sad.

[the-berf]

Dates held no importance to Carmy. His birthday? Just another random day in the year. Holiday season? You mean ball-bustingly busy season. Which was why Carmy taking a day off out of the blue didn't have anyone asking questions. Mostly, the crew were relieved that he was actually taking time away from The Bear. It had been too long since he'd taken a break, near enough working himself into an early grave.

The day started off as usual, except there was no Carmy. Things were a bit more relaxed without his ever watchful presence. There were more cock-ups and laughter but customers were still happy when they came in. Unusually, Richie was rather somber, mouth ticked down in a thin pressed line. It was only when Ebra squeezed his shoulder in a quiet moment and they shared a sad look that the others began to question what was going on. Nobody needed to be a genius to figure it out.

While Carmy didn't care much about celebrating days, over the course of the last year he'd grown to regret not going to Mikey's funeral. It wasn't something to celebrate but it was closure he didn't have. Though, if given the chance, he still wouldn't have gone on the day. Facing his family was bad enough, but when it was something as emotional as his brother's funeral, Carmy couldn't do it.

The kitchen was filled with stories of Mikey. He had been the one to bring them all together, had given them all a chance. Even if he wasn't there to see through the fruit of his hard work, most of the crew was there because of him. In a way it was easier not having Carmy there, he wasn't part of their stories. But at the same time they all missed him, wished they could share the memories they had of his brother. Collectively, they agreed that after service they'd go to the cemetery, pay their respects.

It was late by the time The Bear was locked up. Tired from another long but satisfying service, the crew filtered into cars to get lifts. Nobody expected the text from Natalie.

[Has anyone seen Carmy today?]

Unlike expectation, Carmy hadn't taken the day to spend time with his family. When Nat had tried to visit him, needing her brother on the anniversary of their other brother's death, he was nowhere to be found. In an attempt to be respectful of his space, Nat had left him be. But fear had clawed its way through her chest, especially when she realised Carmy had taken the day off.

After some frantic messages, most of the crew was left at the cemetery while Richie and Nat left, heading towards a certain bridge with dread.

The night was late enough for there to be little in the way of traffic and pedestrians, which made it all that much more to spot Carmy. He was leaning against the railing, looking out over the water and fidgeting with something in his hand. Nat had a hand over he mouth but her gasp was still loud in the car.

Heedless of traffic rules, they pulled over and were stumbling out of the car in a mad rush.

"Carm?" Nat called, along with Richie's not so subtle yell of "Yo! Cousin!" at least had Carmy turn his head to look at them. His eyes were puffy and red rimmed but it wasn't exactly a surprise.

The smile sent their way was wobbly and small, as was the hoarse "hey". At least Carmy was talking to them and turned towards them as the approached. Clutched in his hand was a small bunch of spaghetti.

"This is where he did it, isn't it?"

As Nat hugged him tight, Richie ruffled his hair. "Don't scare us like that, moron."

Puzzled, Carmy looked between the two. "How did I scare you?"

"Think, idiot." Now that the fear was gone, anger was the next emotion Richie could muster. "You take the day off, go to where Mikey offed himself, nobody hears from you. What did you think we'd assume?"

"I just-" Carmy shrugged and sniffed. "I- The Bear was as much his as mine. He should have been there."

"Instead you weren't there either," Nat chastised.

"Couldn't face it. Not today. I haven't even been to his grave."

An arm wrapped around his shoulders, Richie steered Carmy towards the car. On Carmy's other side, Nat had a hand on his elbow.

"We'll go now. Everyone else is gathered there already."

Not resisting, Carmy let himself be ushered into the car. The drive was silent save for the noise of the spaghetti shifting in Carmy's grip. None of the pieces broke though.

At the cemetery, Carmy got out, a little lost and wide eyed. Syd was the first to beckon him over, giving him a tight hug. Together, they walked to the small grave, one among the many.

"He always made spaghetti," Carmy rumbled as a few questioning looks were sent to the pasta in his hand. He laid it like a bunch of flowers on the grave. The middle had slightly softened where he'd been gripping it in a sweaty palm for so long.

"That he did," Marcus agreed easily. "It was pretty damn good too."

"Except the time he tried to spice it up." Tina picked up the thread with a smile. All too soon, stories of Mikey were filling the air, even if he wasn't there in person, his memory was still a big part of them all.

#carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #richie jerimovich #natalie berzatto #mikey berzatto #carmy & richie #carmy & nat #the bear #the bear fx #the bear hulu

[georgiapeach30513]

Previous character anon: but the thing is, Steve did everything for others for a very long time. I can understand why some people hated that he went back to the past but TBH, if they weren’t going to kill him, they were going to send him back in time. I fault that as a writing plot device because Chris wasn’t coming back and if they weren’t going to kill Steve they wouldn’t be able to keep him in the present and not have him show up to help. Think about it. Steve’s character never backs down from a fight even when the odds are against him. If they kept him in the present they’d have to continuously explain away “why he’s not around. Why he’s not here helping Bucky and Sam do xyz.” The end result is the same - he won’t be here. Even if you say, “Steves at home on the couch eating pizza while Sam and Bucky are out fighting xyz” it still feels cheapened and shortchanged.

IMHO, the writers should have killed him and done a quick where he’s meeting Peggy in the afterlife. He dies on the field and Sam gets his shield and Sam goes on to lead his legacy for him. That would have made everyone satisfied.

I also disagree with him being selfish because why is it that when he wants to do something for him - have his own life? He is selfish but when other people bounce off to do xyz it’s whatever? And another thing…Steve did too much for Bucky. Bucky needed to find out who he was on his own and he sorta did do that when he broke out of his brainwashing in cap TWS. He just disappeared for years and Steve cannot always be there hanging onto him. Steve did keep trying to look for him but nobody ever wants to mention that. Additionally, Steve had to learn to be on his own without parents or anything - yes he says he had Bucky even when he had nothing but IMHO it’s the Bucky fans who take it way too far and assume Steve has to do 1000% everything for him. When Bucky “died” Steve also thought he died then woke up 70 years later and had to learn how to survive again. He just did it. I hate that people undermine how sad and lonely and lost he must have felt, and just assume he had to adjust quickly and how much he should have accepted the future. You can tell throughout his films he doesn’t fit in. He’s only complacent because he thinks he doesn’t have any other choice. He wanted to die when he went down in the ice and when he was brought back I doubt he wanted that.

To me, it’s unfair. Steve deserved to have his own life and the MCU never gave it to him onscreen. They never went into his family life, deleted all the scenes where he’s struggling to learn in the present, and his old love interest died while he gets assigned a new love interest who is his old interest great niece (wtf marvel??).

Lastly, Peggy. Another plot device. It’s obvious to me in TWS the “husband” Peggy had is supposed to be Steve. They never mention his name and they never show a picture of him. This is a loophole in which they were planning to possibly use to shoehorn Steve in as the husband the whole time. They may not have used it if Steve were to die in endgame. I personally think if he had died it would have been a more succinct closure to his storyline but also sad because he never would have been able to live without a war.

I hope you can understand - this is how I feel because I love the character and I truly feel I understand him and why the MCU writers wrote his story the way they did.

I don’t have anything against Bucky but I don’t like that many Bucky fans feel Steve needs to be there to fill all the voids and exist to only be his support. Steve did that for three movies. Why does he continue to need to sacrifice for him? That’s what I don’t get. When does Bucky return the favor to Steve? All you hear is Steve saying Bucky was there for him when they were young. But it’s all he said, he did. They meet again in the future and their relationship is the same but Bucky spends time recovering in wakanda because Steve gets help from T’challa to help him. Like….when does he get to return this to Steve? I don’t think we ever hear him say thank you for all you’ve done for me Steve.

Sam…this one is where I do agree with you. I always felt the cap trilogy wrote Sam as a best friend character to help steve similar to how Rhodey is a best friend character to Tony. He exists to help and befriend Steve and the storyline doesn’t showcase too much elsewise. In the comics they go way deeper into the mutual friendship but in the movies it’s like ok well Steve is not around to help Sam transition into cap so what was the point? How could you write it so he just disappears and now Sam gotta do it on his own?

But ….if Steve had stayed around in the MCU, ask yourself, would Sam still be cap now? Would they have written that storyline in where Steve steps down from the shield and is nomad or something else while Sam fully takes on the cap mantle?

I just think the movies don’t flesh out certain relationships well and I really don’t think they did Steve justice in the end. They gave him three movies - one where it’s mostly avengers and Tony’s parent issues. We never see Steve go back to BK in modern times. We never see him talk about his family. His upbringing. It annoys me a lot because IMO, he deserved a lot more.

I do agree. Steve would have had to die in order to fully be finished. I blame a lot of this on the writing itself. It seemed a bit lazy honestly. And I think it would have made just as much sense for Steve to have passed more than Tony. I guess Tony made a greater sacrifice because he had a family. Steve was willing and ready to die, but I digress. It could be a cheap ploy to eventually bring them back.

In my opinion, I feel Steve had more connection and care towards Bucky than Peggy. There's a reason why everyone loves Stucky. Bucky and Steve were soulmates, whether you choose to think it is platonic or not. Steve did a lot for Bucky because growing up, Bucky did a lot for him. Steve was returning the favor. That's what friends do.

And let's not forget that Bucky wasn't just frozen on ice. Bucky was tortured. He was brainwashed, and made to kill people. There is a complete difference in Steve and Bucky's mental health. There literally is NO comparison. I'm not even saying that Steve has to do everything with or for Bucky. I'm saying that he went from his side goal being to help Bucky, to leaving him in a literal snap. That's putting the brakes on quick. I don't take Steve not fitting in lightly. In fact I think Steve AND Bucky has some of the more tragic stories in the MCU. They never asked for this life. It was thrust upon them. But please, if we can look at what Steve was going through, consider what Bucky went through as a tortured person as well. Steve wasn't forced to become his worst nightmare.

My issues with Peggy is because of her AND Howard Stark Hydra was able to rebuild right under SHIELD! They were the ones that decided to keep Zola alive. Because they wanted his brain. Because of Zola Hydra was rebuilt. The created the Winter Soldier program, and who was THE Winter Soldier? Bucky. And who knew about this? Steve and Natasha. So yeah, it's a bit of a cheap and low blow to Bucky fans. But if you think about it, also to Steve. You mean to tell me that someone Steve loved so dearly, like Bucky, he would go back in time to one of the people who is the reason he was tortured?? I just don't buy that at all. Steve going back or dying isn't the issue for me. It's going back to Peggy.

So Steve is going to idly sit at home, knowing that Peggy and Howard are keeping Zola alive, all while Zola is rebuilding the very people that torture Bucky. And how many people was Bucky forced to kill?? Including Howard Stark, himself. No. It's lazy writing. It negates all that build up to present day. It was a "sweet" moment, until you think about everything that happened.

I believe Steve should have a life outside of Bucky. But I don't agree with him going back to Peggy. During a time of war as well. No matter where Steve is, there will always be a fight. Honestly, the better way to end his story would have been in death.

Now with Sam, yes, that is a complete disservice. But I think Sam could (depending on the writers) become a better Cap because of that. I loved Sam and Steve's relationship. Sam really helped Steve out. And their stories were similar. Although, Riley did actually pass. So both Sam and Steve blamed themselves for the death of their friends.

Civil War was essentially an Avengers movie. That movie really wasn't even about Steve. Again, I blame a lot of this on the writers.

#steve rogers #bucky barnes

[sellieellie]

update.

so we’ve had two our two hangouts.

on friday, it was my last day of work so we all went to jason’s house and hung out. will, bella, connor, jason, and two of our other friends were there. spencer didn’t show.

i talked with everyone pretty evenly for most of the night but i didn’t get too drunk. however, at one point in the night, i tripped and hurt my ankle. it didn’t hurt too bad so i didn’t think too much of it but jason, who was sober, said it didn’t look great.

we all ended up going to connors house because his parents weren’t home. we had a good night there but connor took more edibles and i was worried he’d throw up again. when it was time to go to sleep, will and bella and jason had taken up the couches and connor said that someone could sleep on the top bunk of his bed. so i went upstairs with connor and i told him that i was too drunk and my ankle hurt too bad to get up on the top bunk so i said i would sleep on the floor. i said this assuming that he’d offer his bed but he just offered to help me get up and when i said no he said “okay suit yourself” and went to sleep. that bummed me out. (but the next time we hung out he told bella that he did that because he thought i didn’t want to sleep in his bed and he also felt sick lol). he did end up going to the bathroom in the middle of the night and i could hear him puking a lot so i just stayed up to listen until he came back to bed but i pretended to be asleep because i didn’t want him to be embarrassed.

the next morning we were awoken by his brothers who told us that his parents would be home soon and we had to clean up the alcohol that we left downstairs. i was still pretty high when i woke up so i was fine to get down the stairs and my ankle didn’t feel too bad. jason took the rest of us home after we said bye to connor and i went home and took a nap.

when i woke up i noticed the pain in my ankle was much worse so i told my mom and she decided to take me to the doctor. they told us that i needed and xray and i found out that my ankle is broken. lmao. and i start college in a week on a huge campus too so yay. the break isn’t too bad i only have to wear a boot but it still sucks.

the next day, sunday, we did something again. we said that it would be our last hang out as a full group. we went to bella’s house and just chilled there. spencer once again didn’t show up which made me really sad because i haven’t seen him since his bad trip and i wanted a chance to say bye to him. i really do value his friendship and it would hurt me if he didn’t want to continue pursuing friendships with our group. he hasn’t responded to the group chat all weekend and i’m not sure what that’s about. but i do want a chance at closure with him at least. i just want to say bye.

sunday was still fun though. i told connor that i thought he was upset with me when we did shrooms and he asked me what he would even be upset with me about. so that was good reassurance. we watched a movie and made food and drank. nobody got super drunk though so i wasn’t really ever drunk enough to cry which was kinda not great because i want to cry now and i’m all alone which will make me cry even harder. like i feel like i’ve been in the verge of tears for a week now and i just need to cry already but i’m so scared that when i start, i’ll have to actually feel everything and it will hurt so so bad. but i know the longer i wait the worse it will hurt. i haven’t really had the big cry about moving out and away from all my friends and i’m not ready for it either but i feel it coming.

towards the end of the night on sunday, we all went to bella’s room and hung out. bella and jason went to her top bunk and will, connor and i stayed on the bottom. i was kind of stuck between connor and will but i was definitely closer to connor. i had to sleep on my back because of the boot on my foot so connor and i were touching shoulders all night lmao. connor and i were the last ones awake and we stayed up for a bit talking before we went to sleep. it was nice and i feel like if we were both more drunk we would have kissed.

the next day, connor had to leave early because he was using his dads car and he needed it back but i was asleep when he left so i didn’t really get to say goodbye to him.

this is why bella proposed that we do something with the group (minus jason) on wednesday, as connor moves in friday, i move in saturday, and spencer moves in sunday. jason moves in tuesday and bella moves in in a few weeks. will is taking a gap semester. so far, will and i have been the only ones to respond but i’m really hoping that spencer and connor will show up because i want to say goodbye so badly. i just started hanging out with them a few months ago but i’ll miss them a lot. i just feel like i like them more than they like me which sucks.

but yeah. that’s what i’m worrying about right now. i’m just putting off the breakdown over my friends right now because i know that i’ll see them again soon but i think it’ll come after that. it’ll definitely hurt the most to see bella go because she’s my very best friend in the whole world and i know that we won’t grow apart but i also know that her new college will give her so many amazing opportunities and it’ll be hard to see her grow and prosper without me by her side. i’m just scared. but excited for the new beginnings that await both of us. this has been her dream forever and i will never hold her back from that.

but that’s it. i’ll update after wednesday on if we do something. i know that bella, will and i will at least get together and connor usually answers and tags along as well. i just hope spencer comes too. and if not i hope he lets us stop by his house or something to say bye. idk. i just need to say bye.

[poetry-draws]

'He is gone. I... I do not know what to do’

i thought about this now you have to as well

#LOTRO #lord of the rings online #Corunir #good songs to paint this to: chiquitita by ABBA #bad songs to paint this to: love shack by the B-52s #but both are on the Productivity Playlist so there we go #bonus tags: golodir was his hero and his friend and probably like his weird uncle #and he gets closure i assume but like nobody gets to be sad #except duinhir and he can be sad all the livelong day #they let him be sad and i loved that for him #but like #i won't touch actual tur morva with a 10 foot pole because that content is too sad if you think about it for more than 3 seconds #tur morva is strictly memes territory

[ladykissingfish]

so one of you requested this in my inbox, and you used your actual name. you put some personal stuff in your ask that I wasn’t sure you’d want to be made public, so I’m not going to put your name here. but here’s what you asked; I hope this is what you meant 😊

The Akatsuki’s Reaction to A Break-Up

Itachi

Unfortunately, Itachi’s self-esteem is already so low that a break-up for him is something that he prepared himself for more than the relationship itself. He’s the type to vocalize his desire to stay friends with his ex, even if that person doesn’t want the same thing. The first few days after the breakup will be the most difficult for him, but his behavior will be so subtle that the others will barely notice. The most striking and tell-tale sign that he’s going through it will be that this infamous insomniac will actually start sleeping more, even going so far as to take naps during the day. Itachi isn’t the type to seek out the comfort of friends when something like this is bothering him, instead choosing to keep his pain to himself and only briefly talking about it when asked. He’ll eventually pull himself out of his funk and go back to normal, although the scar on his heart prevents him from seeking out another relationship for a long, long time.

Zetsu

Doesn’t take relationships seriously to begin with; if anything, he’s with the other person simply to alleviate boredom/have a good time. When the other person breaks up with him, there aren’t any hard feelings involved on his part, and he bounces back almost as if nothing had happened at all. He’s always been the type to treat his lovers more like friends, and that dynamic will likely continue even after the romantic part has died.

Hidan

Is most likely to be the one to initiate a break-up rather than be broken up with himself. Hidan’s religion doesn’t offer much (if any) room for love and attachment to anything other than Lord Jashin, and being with someone will weigh heavily on Hidan’s mind until he decides to end things. Part of this is actually a sort kindness; he recognizes that to an outsider, his religion can be viewed as disturbing and macabre, and he doesn’t want to drag somebody else into his hectic (and violent) lifestyle. But despite the romantic relationship being over, Hidan isn’t above contacting the other person every now and then for a casual, no strings attached encounter.

Kakuzu

Another one who will be more likely to initiate the break-up then the alternative. There will never be a time in the old guy’s life where money isn’t the bottom line for him, and being with someone else is no exception to that rule. Dates, gifts, time spent with the other that takes away time that could be used to hunt bounties … all of that is costing him. He’ll be as kind as possible to the other person when breaking up with them, but the message is pretty clear. He’ll likely feel mild pangs of regret for several days after the end of the relationship, but in the end he’ll shake it off and carry on with business as usual.

Obito

Oh, God. Obito is someone who feels things very deeply, and being in love with someone is a head rush for him. Obito would never leave someone, no matter how they treated him. Others will recognize this in him and some will take advantage of his sweet and giving nature. When he’s broken up with, he’s absolutely devastated. He won’t leave the house/his room for days, he’ll stop bathing, he’ll barely eat and the things he does eat is mostly junk food or candy … it takes several members of the Akatsuki to rally around him to pull him out of his depression. Konan will be there to comfort and nurture him, Deidara will be there to offer a kind of “suck it up”/tough love approach, and Itachi will offer him empathy (the Uchiha clan is revered for many things, one of the highest among them being their capacity to feel and experience love, so Itachi will be the only one who knows EXACTLY how Obito feels). It’ll take a few weeks, but eventually Obito will go back to the way he always was, much to everyone’s relief.

Kisame

One will always know when Kisame has been broken up with, when he announces he’s going on a trip. He’ll pack a suitcase and take off for an indefinite amount of time. He does this because he needs to clear his head after his heartbreak, and he never wants to burden the others with his pain or his emotions. While he’s gone he won’t really keep in contact with anyone except Itachi, who will call him every day to check up on him. He uses his time alone to sleep, to cry, and, once the initial hurt fades, to wear himself out. Hiking, skiing, mountain climbing, jogging … anything that gets him sweating and his adrenaline pumping is something that he seeks out, in order to distract his mind. He’ll eventually return home renewed and ready to go on, and the others are always happy to see him back.

Nagato

Is a bit like Itachi in that he expects a breakup from the very start, and is so prepared for it that he doesn’t quite feel the impact as strongly as he could. Life is pain, as he likes to tell people, and losing a love is a part of that pain. Doesn’t change his habits any and nobody would even know he’s suffering in any way … except for Konan, who knows him better than anybody. She’ll sit with him and get him to open up about what and how he feels. Konan has always been the only living person in the world that Nagato had cried in front of, and there’s no exception to this rule now. He’ll cry, Konan will hold him, and after awhile the two will spend time watching movies or tv, and slowly easing Nagato into a better headspace.

Konan

Konan is an eraser. When she’s broken up with, or she ends a relationship herself, she wants to forget any sign that the person ever existed. That means throwing out love letters or drawings, that means deleting the person’s contact information from all of her devises. It means getting rid of pictures, it means no more watching shows that she watched with the other person, or going to places they once went to. Her only goal is to stave off hurt by pretending that the other person never existed … although this doesn’t last for very long. After she’s calmed down a bit, she can reach out to the other person and get whatever closure she needs, in order to move on. Konan is also a comfort eater when she’s sad, and will break her diet to indulge in any and every decadent treat imaginable. And she won’t be alone; every single other member of the house will be with her at some point, whether to comfort, or cry, or eat, or trash-talk her now-ex.

Deidara

Deidara is the guy who initially can’t accept a breakup. He assumes the other person is just mad at him for something he’s done, and that their break-up really isn’t an ending at all, but a “short break”. Will send the other person countless messages, flowers, teddy bears, and candy, to try and get back in their good graces. When it finally sinks in that it’s permanent, he’s quite upset about it. He goes over and over in his head all the things that he felt he did wrong, or ways that he just wasn’t good enough. Will call his ex and ask for reasons as to why their relationship didn’t work out, and keep those things in his head, to improve on for his next relationship. Is also the type to make drastic changes to his appearance after a breakup, like dying or cutting his hair, or making changes to his wardrobe. Has to be talked out of his more impetuous urges, like getting a tattoo, by Sasori or Konan.

Sasori

Sasori will be the one broken up with. Not because he treated his partner in anyway bad. In fact, it would be quite the opposite; Sasori would have been uncharacteristically kind, loving and attentive. Always asking his partner how they feel, inquiring about their day, etc. But after awhile, Sasori’s partner will have begun to notice certain … things. Like Sasori constantly touching their face and commenting on his smooth their skin is. Being really pushy when it comes to healthy eating because “it makes your body last longer”. And there will have been quite a few times when Sasori’s partner will wake up in the middle of the night and find Sasori sitting in a chair by the bed, staring intently at them in the dark. The person will eventually decide to leave Sasori, because they start to get the ((sadly correct)) suspicion that Sasori had been making plans to turn them into one of his puppets. Sasori will take the breakup with dignity, but silently lament the fact that more people don’t understand his way of thinking. After all, if you care for someone, why wouldn’t you want that person to last forever?

#the akatsuki #break up #deidara #sasori #hidan #kakuzu #zetsu #obito uchiha #itachi uchiha #kisame #konan #nagato #headcanons

[avengers-age-of-fanfics]

just for you, honeybee (3/?)

pairing: bucky barnes x reader, steve rogers x reader (platonic)

word count: 3,986

authors note: part three!!!! I'm honestly so happy with how this is turning out so please leave feedback and lmk how I'm doing! thank you all so much :)

warnings: swearing, super soldier serum injection, needles, drinking

summary: dating back to 1943, you, james barnes, and steve rogers were best friends, including bucky being your boyfriend. when you get a notice that bucky died in the war, you make it your mission to find closure for yourself and protect steve as he is the only remaining piece of bucky you have left. once you are offered the super soldier serum, you and steve must make your way through world war 2 - and the unknown future hardships to come.

recap: You picked at your nails, anxiety swallowing you whole, “and what if you don’t make it back, either?”

“I will.”

-

It had only taken you 5 days to make up your mind: either go with Steve as he finishes out his mission with the army or wait in Brooklyn upon his return. “Well,” you always bit back, “if you return.”

You did not want to stay in Brooklyn and wait for Steve to come back. You had done that with Bucky and after learning his tragic death, you needed to go with Steve. You didn’t care who you had to fight – you were protecting Steve Rogers and looking after him, just like James would have wanted.

Peggy Carter immediately welcomed you and seemed somewhat relieved when you had met with them outside your apartment complex, bags packed and ready to go. She had given you a soft smile and a nod, making you feel more at calm with your decision. However, before you left, you needed to say goodbye – just in case.

Dressed in a tie-neck floral dress, you headed across the street to where Grover was, selling newspapers once again in the early morning. However, when he wasn’t on the sidewalk, he was in your apartment, holding you as you cried for Bucky. Grover had helped you open Bucky’s files and put on his dog tags; he was there while Steve was sorting out your arrangements with Peggy. He had your snot stains on his nicest shirts that you always apologized for, and he had carefully placed the dog tags over your head; Grover was certainly one of your rocks when Steve needed to grieve on his own, which you understood.

Noticing your approaching figure, Grover stood up and shooed people away from his stand, meeting you halfway. He noticed your solemn look, “you goin’ with Mr. America?”

With a nod, you wrapped your arms around the older man’s neck, his chubby arms meeting your waist in a split second, “I have to, Grove. I needta’ keep my promise to James, and watch after Stevie.”

Grover tightened his grip around you and squeezed, much like a father would, “sure that super soldier can’t do it himself? Looks more than capable.”

You shook your head against his neck, “I promised – I promised James; you know that.”

Grover pulled away, resting his hands on your shoulders, “I know you did, kid…but that don’t mean it still pains me to see ya go…Come back here, the both of you, in one piece – ya hear me?”

With a nod, you squeezed Grover’s hand on your shoulder and went back to where Steve and Peggy were standing by an army truck, your bags already in the trunk. As the two looked back at you, you gave a curt nod, “I’m ready.”

Steve helped you into the backseat as Peggy headed up front, starting the truck up once you were all piled in. As you rode off, away from Brooklyn, you looked back to your home, and gave a sad wave to Grover who was already back to selling newspapers – but you saw him wiping his cheeks. Tears flooded your eyes as you imagined you and Bucky finding a nice white picket house in Brooklyn once he came back like he promised. Turning back around, you wiped your eyes, looking forward to the road, a hand wrapped around Bucky’s dog tags.

Only a little while into the car ride, you leaned forward, asking the two soldiers a question, “where exactly are we headed?”

Steve turned around towards you, “first, Camp Lehigh where we’ll get you some ID so they know you’re with Peggy and me. Then, London, where Colonel Phillips got a lead on Schmidt’s new hideout.”

You looked down at your nails, picking at the skin surrounding them, “can I be of help in any way? And, uh… who is Schmidt?”

Peggy glanced back at you for a quick moment, “how are your fighting skills, y/n?”

Steve gave her a glare, “no, absolutely not.”

The driver looked back once more, expecting an answer. You glanced at Steve, “I’ve got experience with guns and hand-on-hand combat.”

Steve shook his head, “that’s nice but I’m not letting you do what I think Peggy is insinuating.”

Peggy elbowed him before she answered you, “there’s a chance your skills may come in handy, Miss y/n, but it won’t be an easy feat.”

You nodded to her, “I’d like to be of any service I can, Agent Carter.”

Steve grumbled, “am I just invisible to you two?” That finally got a giggle out of you and Steve glanced back, squeezing your hand, before turning towards the front.

You waited a few moments before you tapped Steve’s shoulder, getting his attention, “hmm?”

With a head tilt, you asked again, “who is this Schmidt guy? Never got an answer earlier.”

Steve seemed a bit tense when you asked before answering you, “he’s a confidant to Hitler and closely affiliated with Hydra. Once we take down Schmidt, we get closer to taking down Hitler.”

Your eyes had widened during his short summary, “so you really been killin’ Nazis, Stevie?”

He huffed, “been trying too – mostly taking over Hydra bases. Buck was more the killing Nazi type.”

With a slight smile, you squeezed Steve’s hand, “sounds like our James.”

The rest of the ride was quiet, save for some mindless chatter over Peggy’s radio.

By the time you three got to Camp Lehigh, getting your identification was nothing out of the ordinary; however, being looked at with either such sorrow or surprise was a shock. You had assumed people knew about Bucky, but you never thought Bucky had told everyone about the girl from home, nor that they knew what she looked like. Tears flooded your eyes very quickly at the image of Bucky boasting about his Brooklyn girl and everything about her, and apparently, his words got all the way back to New Jersey.

Even when you got to the London Bunker, more dejected looks were given your way. Some sick part of you wished he hadn’t made you such a big deal, but if he were still alive, you’d be flustered. With subtle hands, you quietly put Bucky’s dog talks within your new army greens officer uniform. While you definitely were not an officer, Peggy had no problem lending you one of hers, telling you that if someone had a problem with it, take it up with her.

You clearly remembered her conversation as she dragged you into her tent, quickly shoveling through a trunk of hers, “are you alright wearing one of these? I have a few different sizes – whatever fits you.”

You accepted a green skirt of hers with a nod, along with a tan-colored blouse and a green jacket. Thankfully, it had no medals on it so you didn’t exactly feel as if you were impersonating a soldier.

You looked towards Peggy as she made her leave, “thank you, Agent Carter…You truly did not have to do this but – but I appreciate it.”

Peggy gave a soft smile as she opened the tent, “anything for Barnes’ girl.”

Right when she left, you sobbed for a good 20 minutes. You remember mumbling to yourself, “I hope I still am your best girl, Jamie.”

Over the next few days, you had quickly grown accustomed to the troops' fast pace and overall serious atmosphere, along with their Colonel. You would never admit it to the man, but Colonel Phillips scared you when you two had first met; you wondered if he had ever laughed in his entire life. And you definitely wouldn’t tell him this either, but you knew he was a big softie underneath that whole ‘I’m Colonel Phillips and you have to be intimidated by me’ attitude. Once you had arrived in London, you made it your mission to make the Colonel laugh, whether it be at your expense or someone else’s – but it took your mind off James; well, as much as it could.

One man who admired your mission and seemed to play along with it was Mr. Howard Stark; when the two of you weren’t messing around, history was being made, and changing the world for the better was your first priority.

Besides his cocky attitude, Howard had truly become one of your favorite people – besides Captain America himself, of course. When Steve had introduced you to the team focused on finding Schmidt and the rest of Hydra, Howard had taken to you liking a father hen, showing you his new tech and his favorite, the new vibranium shield he made for Cap. He was so ecstatic about showing a new face his greatest creation and how indestructible it was; as he told you, everyone else did not seem as impressed and he needed someone with a brain like yours to comprehend what he made.

While nobody else knew, he had also shown you the last remaining vial of the super-soldier serum Dr. Erskine had made and thus, what Howard had been trying to recreate. He had almost been successful but told you he did not want to use Erskine’s last vial on someone, in case it ever came to that. Instead, he wanted to try his own, one that would not affect one’s looks physically but included all the enhancements. Now that got you intrigued; you loved Steve, truly, but if you ever got the chance to take Stark’s serum and wanted a husband in the future, you did not want to look so…bulky.

The two of you worked closely together, using Stark brainpower and L/N design skills and expert eye to create the new symbol for Captain America.

With a pretty decent paint job on your part, both you and Howard took a step back from the upheld shield, looking over the new red, white and blue design, fit with a silver star. Tears filled your eyes but you refused to let them fall as Howard rested a hand on your back – your Stevie would be carrying that shield proudly very shortly.

Howard pulled you into a quick side hug, “Sergeant Barnes would be proud of you, kid. Look at you, designing Captain America’s new shield!”

With a soft laugh, you wiped your eyes, “I hope he would be.”

Before Howard stepped away to give you some space, you grabbed onto his arm, eyes darting towards the suitcase underneath his desk, “can I ask you something, Howard?”

Howard crossed his arms, “what’s goin’ on inside that head of yours, kiddo?”

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding, “listen, I know you’re gonna say no, but I just… I need to get this out.”

Howard noticed your serious tone and pulled you against a corner of the huge bunker that had been your home for the past couple of days, surrounded by books that you had read in record time, “go on, kid.”

You fumbled over your words, nails scratching against your skin, “do you think – do you think I could take the serum? Your recreation, of course – I saw your successful attempts and I want to take it. I’ve thought it over, truly, and it’s what I want. Ever since James – ever since James died, I’ve felt so lost and useless; I want to do something, something that James would be proud of. And I know you’re gonna say no, but Howard, I really need to do this, so please-“

Howard interrupted you, hand held up calmly, “let’s talk to Colonel Phillips, okay?”

Your eyes grew wide, “real-really? No immediate reprimanding?”

He looked at you with soft eyes, “I know what you’re feeling, y/n, and it’s not a good feeling. While I wish there was another solution other than you taking the serum, I – I’m not opposed to it. Maybe we need a sidekick.”

You gave a slight smile as he grinned back, “thank you, Howie.” He pinched your arm in response to his nickname, narrowing his eyes playfully.

The moment you asked Colonel Phillips for a private meeting with you, him, Howard, and Peggy, he already seemed on edge. Woke up on the wrong side of the cot, sour coffee, you weren’t sure – but you were sure that he was not going to be happy with your idea.

As expected, the meeting with Colonel Phillips was not exactly great; he may have thrown a fit and yelled at you for even suggesting such a thing. Okay, ouch, that stung – you genuinely thought it was a good idea.

You had interrupted during such fit, “sir, may I remind you that Steve Rogers had no prior fighting experience yet he got the super-soldier serum? I have the skills – well, some skills - the will to fight, and the…”

You stopped.

“I have a purpose, just like Steve,” you began once more, “Hydra took away the most important person in my life and I’ll be damned to hell if I’m not gonna do anything to stop them. So please, sir, let me do this.”

Peggy Carter stood beside Colonel Phillips, her lips twitching up in a slight smile, “you remind me of him. Of Barnes.” The Colonel grumbled.

You felt a shiver run down your spine, “I guess he rubbed off on me.”

Peggy looked to Colonel Phillips as he was deep in thought, until he spoke, “you talk to Rogers about this?”

You shook your head, “no, sir.”

Colonel Phillips crossed his arms, “I suggest you bring it to his attention before we make a final decision, l/n. Then, if we decide yes, we’re going to need to change the plan just a tad bit.”

With a nod, you stood up and walked out of the meeting room, hoping to find Steve around the corner somewhere; on your way out, you already heard Colonel Phillips grumbling about how it would be nice to have another super-soldier.

One of the Howling Commandos spoke up during your search for Steve, “he’s over at Crocker’s Folly. Bar right across the street from here, kid.” You thanked him and walked out of the site, spotting a very beat-down bar just across the street, surprisingly still standing.

Heading over, you had honestly no idea how to bring up the idea of you taking the serum to Steve; it definitely was no normal conversation. You knew he would say no, but you wanted to take it and be of use during the war and avenge Bucky in any way you could. Once inside, you heard a radio in the distance of the bar, unsure of what song was playing. Following the sound, broken glass and among other things crunched under your footsteps, letting Steve know someone was there.

Sitting at a table with a bottle of liquor and a glass by himself, your best friend turned around and glanced at you, pulling up a chair. You gave a small smile, finding the seat right across from him, “are you okay?”

Steve shrugged, “that Dr. Erskine said the serum wouldn’t just affect my muscles, it would affect my cells. Create a protective system of regeneration and healing… which means uh.. –“

“You can’t get drunk.”

Steve shot you a look, “when you’d get so smart?”

You kicked his foot with a chuckle, “when I started hangin’ out with Howard.”

He gave a sad smile as tears flooded his eyes, “I am so sorry, y/n.”

You choked back a sob, eyes filling with tears, “it wasn’t your fault, Stevie. I know that you did everything you could.”

Steve’s eyes were brimmed red, “how are you – how are you staying so strong?”

Clearing your throat of the sob making its way up, you licked your lips, “I feel like I’ve cried too many tears, Steve. I want to cry more, my god I do, but I know he wouldn’t want that.”

Steve nodded, “’m sorry to bring him up, I just…” he mumbled, “I’m going to kill Schmidt and all of Hydra if it’s the last thing ‘m gonna do, y/n.” His hand had curled into a fist and you felt the anger radiating off of him.

You grasped his hand, softly uncurling it, “I actually wanted to talk to you about something, pertaining Schmidt.”

Steve let out a grumble, taking one last sip of his drink, “everything okay?”

You nodded, “I – I’m okay. But Howard…he has a remaining vial of the serum from Dr. Erskine and has even recreated it himself. I talked to Peggy and Colonel Phillips and I’m going to take it, the recreation.”

Steve’s eyes shot up to yours, “Y/N, I can’t – I can’t let you do that. It’s too dangerous and I promised –“

“Steve,” you stopped him, “I know you promised Bucky that you would look out for me. I promised him that about you, too. But I want to do this. It’s my decision and I’m hoping you’ll let me do this for myself and Buck.”

The man across from you looked down at his glass for a long while before he looked you in the eyes with a grin, “’gonna pretend I can get drunk and forget why I even agreed.”

A small smile formed on your lips as you reached over, squeezing his hand, “thank you, Stevie. Now c’mon, we got a serum to inject and plans to tweak.”

When the two of you reached the bunker once again, you nodded to Howard and he let out a breath. He was not exactly looking forward to this, injecting you with the serum, but it’s what you wanted. Word quickly got to Colonel Phillips who seemed a bit relieved himself, glad there were no tantrums thrown – much like his.

Down the many halls of the bunker, Howard, Peggy, and a few nurses prepared an operation room, a bed centered in the middle of the room as lights displayed it. Once you were injected, you would need a few moments to recollect yourself – both of them knew this.

You, Colonel Phillips, and Steve stood outside the operation room, looking in as Howard laid out the serum and sedation if needed. The Colonel spoke up first, looking down at you, “you certain about this? There’s no guarantee you’ll live.”

You nodded, “I’m aware, Colonel. But I’ve thought it through and it’s what I want.”

Steve looked to you as the Colonel looked on, “you yell for me if you need me, okay? I’m right outside.” You gave him a small smile before you headed inside per Howard’s direction.

Steve stopped you once more, “and y/n?”

You turned around to look at him as he continued, “you’re a good person. Maybe not a perfect soldier yet, but a good person.”

You smiled at Steve, “looks like I’ll need you as my teacher once I become your sidekick, Stevie.” You both let out a chuckle.

Nurses stood behind the two tables surrounding the cot you were instructed to lay on, taking off your shirt and tossing it into Peggy’s arms, letting out a whistle, immediately calming your nerves. You flashed her a smile which she returned.

Bright lights shining onto your body – now only clad in a bra and some army green cargo pants – your gaze shifted to Howard. He looked albeit nervous but once he caught your eye, all nerves disappeared, “how ya feelin’ kid?”

You chuckled, “like I’m about to be turned into a super-soldier.”

Howard’s shoulders shook with a slight laugh, “that’s nuts – it’s almost as if I’m administering said serum. I’m gonna inject you with some penicillin, okay?”

You nodded your head, looking towards the window where you saw Steve looking way too tense. With a smile, you gave him a thumbs up in which he chuckled at, shaking his head. Beside him stood the Colonel who looked nervous himself, but with a blow-kiss, you saw him roll his eyes and turn back into your stern Colonel Phillips.

Howard spoke up, grabbing your attention, “now, y/n, your transformation will be a bit different from Steve’s, but the outcome should be the same – just no outer physical changes, as I mentioned. No need for nerves. You ready?”

You nodded, and with a deep breath, you felt the sharp needle penetrate your skin, injecting you with the serum. As the serum coursed through your veins, your skin felt as if it were on fire, your breaths growing quicker and sweat already forming on your skin. Howard noticed your breaths, “deep breaths, kid, don’t rush the process. You got this. How ya feelin’?”

You grunted, “burning – hot but cold. Freezer burn.”

Howard grew pale, somehow making sense of your words, “okay, y/n, you gotta fight this. Don’t let the serum override your body – you gotta let it combine with your cells. C’mon, kid!” Peggy’s grip tightened on your shirt as she looked on, whispering words of encouragement.

Outside, Steve and Colonel Phillips began pacing, the Colonel glaring through the window, telling himself that he could telepathically communicate with you and force you to live through this. Steve bit his thumb, growing more and more anxious by the second.

Your body had now started to sweat profusely, the shine adding itself to your figure as you breathed heavier, a gasp and a sharp scream leaving your lips. Steve immediately ran in, holding your hand, “y/n, come on, please! Fight this – don’t give up, please. I – I need you, we all do.”

In a split second, your eyes opened, meeting Steve’s for a split second before you let out another yell, eyes squeezing shut once more, “Steve! It hurts – it hurts!”

Your whole body felt as if it were on fire yet hypothermic, your chest feeling so heavy that it was difficult to breathe. Every cell in your body felt as if it were being torn apart and being put back together again; you talked to yourself in your head, “how the hell did Steve do this?”

Steve ran a hand over your now-damp hair, “I know, I know, but you got this, y/n. Once you beat this, we’ll go and kill those sonsabitches at Hydra, you hear me? You gotta beat this.”

Over time, which honestly felt like hours, your body slowly started to welcome the serum and new changes within your body, your breathing returning to normal and sweat disappearing onto the cot below you, body returning to normal temperature. With only a slightly bloody nose, you felt…good. Resting against the cot, you let out a sigh, eyes fluttering.

Howard hooked an IV up to your arm, returning the liquids you had sweat out, pushing your shoulder lightly, “’gotta talk to me, kid.”

You grumbled, “’m tired…but feel like I could run a marathon.”

Steve’s hand squeezed yours as he let out a laugh, looking up to the ceiling, “that’s your girl, Barnes. You did great, y/n – you did great.”

Eyes still shut, you hummed, “mmm…do I have abs of steel now?”

Steve chuckled, “would it make you feel better if I said yes?”

You nodded your head, a dopey smile on your face. Steve continued, “I wouldn’t want to fight you in the ring, bug.”

Slowly but surely, you opened your eyes, adjusting to the way your body felt and sensed everything around you. With a grunt, you rubbed your eyes, glancing at your hands – hmm, they looked the same?

Howard noticed your confusion, “Remember what I said, kid? No outer physical changes, but you got all the upgrades Rogers has. Better looking, obviously,” you let out a soft laugh, “just not as bulky.”

With a hum, you sat up, fighting off Steve and Howard’s mother hen tendencies, “’mentioned that earlier…bulky. ‘m fine, by the way – stop worryin’.”

Slowly getting off the cot, you walked around the room, stretching your legs and your whole body. Everything felt different but good; it’s like your senses and every cell within your body were heightened. “It felt cold,” you mentioned to Howard, “the serum.”

He nodded, “as opposed to the vita-rays, we had to keep it in cold storage. Easier that way.”

You hummed, and while turning around in the small room, your eyes met Steve’s once more, “well Captain, what now?”

-

Honeybee Taglist:

@clownerlyluv @ginger-swag-rapunzel

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes/reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes/you #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers/you #platonic #platonic friendship #platonic x reader #steve rogers/reader #captain america the first avenger #captain america #capsicle #james bucky barnes #peggy carter #colonel phillips #margaret carter #johann schmidt #arnim zola #hydra #mcu #avengers x reader #avengers/you #avengers/reader #mcu x reader #bucky barnes series

[sl-walker]

If I may ask; what is your opinion of Rebel's Era (canon) Maul?

Whilst I didn't feel like he was written out of character per se and I understand that Rebels aired prior to TCW Season 7, I felt like it was somewhat disappointing after what happened during Order 66.

I understand that he has lost hope and is, very reasonably, afraid of Sheev, but there's a few things that confuse me like the fact that whilst running the biggest criminal empire he never looked for Kenobi prior to Rebels (he knew Ashoka survived, so why shouldn't Kenobi?) or how exactly he ended up on Malachor and nobody came to look for him their criminal boss. Now the Dathomir-part was actually interesting, but I do feel, yet again, like it could have used more exposition and explaination considering he was there like 3x times in his entire life and everyone's dead, so who even sustained the Ichor after Talzin's death? Maul wasn't on Dathomir for at least some time.

It just felt like they knew Maul would draw in viewers, not like they had a plan for his character and that was kind of a pity?!

Obviously Maul couldn't interfere with pre-existing canon but at some point I really wondered why he was still in the story considering that Ezra's literal use of the darkside, due to Mauls prior influence & the holocron, for what we can assume to be months never mattered again after a single episode for some reason.

I love seeing Maul but I wished they did more with his character? I mean, it hurts to read e.g. Son of Dathomir, but it's still good and builds his character.

The only major thing I found consistent was him missing Savage, which obviously just broke my heart.

Dying by Kenobi's hand was poetic, but of course really sad and I wished there had been more to this scene - either conveyed through animation/dialouge or by having them part ways differently.

Also I can't believe Maul - a criminal mastermind - didn't manage to figure out that Kenobi was on Tatooine after seeing Twin Suns for almost the majority of a season. You know. The guy who used to track and hunt down whomever Sidious required him too for years. The same zabrak that basically ran a prison into the ground in lockdown whilst not/barely even touching upon his force powers and finding the dealer who managed to stay undercover for probably decades. Also the planet they literally first met.

I know the creators and Sam Witwer have repeatedly liked Maul to Sisyphus, but I don't think this applies to Rebel's Maul. Rebel's Maul, besides his motivation/need to find a new brother apprentice, just seems so hopeless and borderline suicidal? He doesn't know if it's worth trying anymore, which makes the idea of running a criminal empire so odd, seeing as he knows his insignificance to Sidious, whose downfall is all he is really yearning/hoping for. I know that his desperation always rivals his intense need to survive, but I really didn't got the latter from Rebels.

Idk, maybe it's just me, but I'm very keen on your thoughts.

(2/2) I'm asking you in particular about Rebels Maul because I feel like maybe I might be missing something or am lacking a certain insight into his character which you might have.

I think Solo made about as much sense as tits on a boar. I even said that when it came out. Maul's whole purpose to building a criminal empire was to have enough power to get to Kenobi. He had no interest in being rich or anything else, and frankly, even in TCW, he left Almec to run things on Mandalore while he nursed his grudge. So this whole Crimson Dawn crap is just-- weak. It makes no sense. It was fanservice.

I'm sure I've written my opinions on Rebels before, but in brief:

1.) Maul's characterization wasn't terrible, but the writing was super fucking lazy. No kidding. Especially his ending. That was Filoni basically splooging all over himself about how dEeeEEeP he was being without realizing... man, nothing here even makes sense. He took a character he didn't create and didn't want to bring back in the first place and giggled to himself behind his stupid hat because he got to kill him off. Since Disney's shit, they're like, "Oh, sure."

2.) Maul already hurt Kenobi and took his revenge when he skewered Satine. Like you, I think the only reason he would have sought Kenobi out would have been because he wanted closure. Be it death or simply some ending. I explored what would have happened had Kenobi been a proper adult and apologized for his part in Maul's suffering when I wrote In defiance, because I absolutely believe they could have done some considerably more interesting with all of that.

3.) Honestly, like-- every time they've killed Maul off in canon, it's been a dumbass mistake. Because he's popular and once you close-end a character, it becomes a lot harder to do anything meaningful with them in canon. Because they offed him, he will never have a genuinely meaty storyline again and will forever be relegated to cheap cameos that capitalize on his popularity.

Dunno if that's what you're looking for Anon-buddy. Mostly, I just think the ending of Maul in Rebels came down to super lazy writing.

#salt mines

[swansstuff]

So uh, I've been thinking about a hypothetical Trucy Wright: Act Attorney and here is the very poorly written outline for it because yeah. No spoilers except the Apollo Trucy thing. Tw death, murder, blood and grieving so yeah.

Trucy's first case is literally her first ever case. This is a flashback case. We follow her as she wakes up, slightly stressed about today, Phoenix gives her cereal and a pep talk and a cryptic message. Trucy asks where Papa is, it is Miles, they are married. Phoenix is cryptic about that too. He stays behind as he "has to buy groceries" so Trucy heads into the office. Apollo greets her, it's clear they know they're siblings, and he hands her a case. Miles is prosecuting. She is fucking terrified. She goes to the crime scene, Gumshoe is the detective and he's educating his teenage sons, constant confusion of who's who, because they are twins and they look very like Gumshoe, it'll be kinda funny. Its a simple investigation. During the investigation, the player can check Trucy's profile and the profile system shows character's middle names now. We get some gems such as Klavier Hyacintha Gavin later on, the reasoning behind this is coz Trucy is nosy. The important one here is Trucy Mia Wright. She says something about how she chose her own middle name when Phoenix adopted her and she chose Mia after learning about her. Yada yada. Trucy wins the case. Edgeworth is very proud, Phoenix is in the gallery and there's a flash of him crying proud tears, Apollo hugs her afterwards, Athena congrats her.

Next case, flash forward three years later, we do not see Phoenix and nobody really mentions him. Thats because he's fucking dead but we don't know that yet. This case is a Fey case, we meet Maya who is married to Franziska and they're technically on honeymoon in Kurain and Pearl becomes the Maya to Trucy's Phoenix. Its another fey murder case. There are a few mentions of Trucy's admiration of Mia, mainly just a mirror of a few lines she's said and a conversation where her and Maya talk about her, Trucy says she would have loved to meet her and Maya explains how her spirit has been dormant for ages now and how she assumes she's moved on.

"If you want I can try and channel-"

"No no no no NO. Its ok!"

This is our first hint that Phoenix is no longer with us, but we don't know until later thats what she means. Sebastian is the prosecutor, the player finds out that Miles is taking a break from prosecuting work, Trucy already knew of course, and Sebastian is dubbed Chief until he comes back, Fran says

"It would've been me were I not on my literal honeymoon right now." We are not told why yet, but it is because of Phoenix. Kay Faraday is the detective, somebody murders someone and frames Maya, no-one is shocked by this. We also get an update on Iris, she's thriving. She wins yada yada.

Next case, a couple of months later, Trucy gets a call from a friend that the player can't identify at first. Its Katrielle Layton. She needs Trucy's legal knowledge because someone is sueing her detective agency because have you seen how they practice. This, of course, turns to murder and we get another surprise when we meet the prosecutor. Who probably has a licence to practise law in England? Simon Blackquill, he is British ok. Yeah, Trucy wins with Kat's help, we meet Ernest and Sherl and Alfendi and Flora if we have time. I miss them. Trucy and Kat have a conversation that cryptically addresses their fathers and their "whereabouts" and living up to their legacy. We see Trucy cry, but only a similar flash to AJ:AA and we do not know why. Yet.

Next case, flashback case. Trucy is the assistant on this case but we still play as her, even in the court sections since Phoenix is prepping her for the bar and getting her to give him the answers. The bar exam is only in three days. Klavier is prosecuting. The case somehow relates to Kristoph and there's the whole mirror dynamic thing of when Phoenix lost his badge. Kristoph is dead by now, but the whole thing is there was a plot inside prison to make Phoenix pay for putting a bunch of them in, Kristoph was the assumed ring leader until he died and the cops now dont know who's running it. Somebody (Godot? That would hurt big time) was their inside man, sent to figure that out, so when whoever it was turned up dead, the whole thing got exposed. We get a bit of a Mia moment in the trial where Trucy tells Phoenix to flip over the receipt (thats evidence for some reason). Phoenix says "I feel like that shouldn't be the second time someone has said that to me". The killer is found, by Phoenix, and put into isolation, as have most of the other participants. We then see Trucy get her badge. They have a conversation and Trucy says Phoenix basically forgot about it for a couple of months. The case closes with a foreboding "and I forgot about it too, until..."

Next case. Phoenix is fucking murdered. Trucy gets a phone call late at night, she hears laboured breathing on the other end and a "don't forget I love you" from Phoenix. Trucy pulls a simba and goes "dad? Dad?!!" And the line goes dead. The player is presented with a choice of who to call. They have two phone calls. Who they choose first makes no difference, but the second time they are forced to choose Ema who will trace Phoenix's phone call. They could call Apollo and he would comfort her, Miles would panic, Maya would say he was just messing around, Athena would sense her distress and say she's coming over etc. You could attempt to call Phoenix back but he would not answer and you would be allowed to call someone else. Ema then traces the phone call and we follow Trucy to the crime scene. We get a truly haunting cutscene where everything kinda goes blurry except Phoenix's face and the blood. Trucy doesn't cry. She stands there in shock. The WAA is there in various states of shock and upset. Return of grieving Apollo I guess. Miles turns up and the look on his face is haunting. Trucy and him make eye contact and they share the thought of something has to be done. And then. "The bar association took me off the case and Papa too, they said we were too close to it. As a result, we never found out who did it... Until now." And we see a determined Trucy face. We jump forward to where we last saw Trucy, she and Pearl are coming back from England and its a bit more cheery. Trucy sends Pearl on a train back to Kurain and heads on home. She enters the house and we see Miles pouring over Phoenix's case. He jumps up and runs towards her.

"Trucy! I think I have a lead, I-"

"Papa, you're tired, go to bed." (Or better dialogue along those lines)

Its clear he's been doing this sort of thing a lot.

"But I do! At least...I think I do..."

He trails off and rests his head in his hands.

"Do I? Or am I just a mess?"

Trucy gives him a sad smile.

"C'mon let's go to bed."

Miles returns the sad smile and fades out like all ace attorney characters do. The player is given the option to look around. There's probably some emotional dialogue and bits that give clues to how she and Miles have been fairing the past 3 years. Answer is, not very well. Examine the pile of papers on the table. Trucy will take a look and then realise her papa may have actually been onto something. Its a diagram of which prisoners knew each other, with an arrow from each leading to a defense attorney we have never met. Trucy is confused, but she calls for Miles anyway. He comes back downstairs and Trucy asks him about this lead he found.

"Well I realised all those prisoners would know this defense attorney (insert name?)"

"Why? And why would they be suspicious?'

"They (pronouns?) Were always the defense attorney who would take on the cases of those Wright had already accused. They gained a reputation of being the doomed defense attorney."

"So... They knew all the prisoners in the plot and they had a grudge against daddy... Papa I think you're onto something!"

And the case continues, since we already know who's been accused, it plays out more like an investigations game, Trucy has to prove it, with Miles' help of course, literally every other character we know and love plays a part in making sure this guy gets a guilty verdict. There is still a courtroom bit and a moment when all is looking dark, Trucy literally has a full on breakdown as the Judge threatens to remove her from the case again. Miles is by her side, they're both technically prosecution here i guess. Miles, however, is too deep in his own mental breakdown to help. Everyone else is in the gallery besides Pearl. Pearl channels Phoenix as a last hope sort of thing. Phoenix comforts her and tells her to keep fighting, he touches her badge and probably says some sort of bullshit about it. The Judge is about to bang the gavel when Trucy and Phoenix object at the same time. Miles looks up and realises whats going on and he objects too, a little later. The battle goes on until it finishes and the other attorney has a breakdown that steals little bits from every other murderer Phoenix has put behind bars.This is the one time seeing the word guilty on your screen feels good. There's a whole heartwarming celebration at the end, Phoenix sticks around for a little bit and everyone gets a bit of closure. Its assumed he's gone since Pearl passes out and Trucy dips out for a sec. She's away from the festivities, staring at the badge in her hand and we see someone coming up behind her. Maya is channelling Phoenix now. He gives Trucy a hug and utters the words "the only time a lawyer can cry is when its all over and, Trucy darling, my light, its over." Echoing both Diego and Mia.

And the screen fades to black with a final hug between father and daughter.

:)

#ace attorney #my writing #trucy wright #miles edgeworth #phoenix wright #maya fey #franziska von karma #pearl fey #professor layton sorta #etc i cba to tag everyone #tw death #tw grieving #tw blood #tw murder #:) #wrightworth #franmaya

[aquintillionhyperboles]

Rating Each Book In The Gone Series Based On How Much Psychic Damage It Dealt Me, Long After I Actually Read The Series

(contains spoilers but the fandom is so dead that nobody who hasn’t read the books yet is likely to see this. also this probably isn’t 100% accurate as i have not fact checked any lore going into this and am writing purely off of memory)

Gone: meh. not very much graphical content. the guts-getting-eaten-and-replaced-by-gravel part was a little gnarly, but fairly tame compared to later events in the series. the cemented hand thing is worse in retrospect than it is when you’re reading. a kid’s arm gets chopped off but that’s fairly underplayed. overall, gone is mostly setting the stage for future disasters. it’s setting the vibes for the characters. i finished this book and actually had hope for the future of these poor kids. 3/10

Hunger: cannibalism? very spicy. a kid getting consumed by worms within two minutes of being introduced? bold. the main threat in this novel was the ever-impending doom of starvation, which is certainly an unpleasant fate but was not something that disturbed me deeply. i can barely even remember what happens in this book, which should tell you something about how much it impacted me. people died. duck dies :(. i do remember that. 2/10 overall but the worm scene had some serious style.

Lies: it’s brittney, bitch. what the fuck happened to her. why the fuck is she sharing the same body as drake. why is she a zombie. why are demonic alien entities taking the form of her dead brother to convert her to the occult. wtf. speaking of cultist behaviour, bitchboy and his nazi wannabes need to calm the fuck down. that’s creepy. also, is this the book where little pete does his weird demonic nestor thing? i’m assuming it is because he’s either sick or some weird godlike observer in the remaining books. in other news, jack/brianna is a solid no but it’s not psychologically disturbing and therefore isn’t counting towards the rating. 5/10

Plague: what the fuck. what the absolute fuck. michael grant calm down challenge. apparently some super disease wasn’t bad enough, so you added parasitic flesh eating mutant bugs? even worse, caine fucks???? i was on edge the entire time reading this book. at the time, it was probably the most graphic thing i had ever read. they could’ve gotten rid of every description of kids literally coughing their lungs out and bugs consuming people, and that scene at the end where they’re saving dekka still would’ve made this book horrifying. she survives and that’s my only consolation in this cruel world. 100/10 i need a hug to recover from the death of brianna/dekka and the other shit that transpired in this book

Fear: not too graphic from what i can recall. michael grant decided to give us a break and not actually describe cigar ripping his own eyes out, which shows that he’s capable of exercising a little bit of restraint. in terms of psychological shit though, this book did an AMAZING job of setting up the “oh god oh no The End is coming.” a creepy ass mutant baby is born. little pete is now god, apparently. darkness is descending upon the FAYZ. this is a book that damn well knows it is the second last in the series. the penultimate peril walked so that fear could run. the impending doom vibes are definitely there. 5/10

Light: two gods play 8D chess using humans with magic hands. fun times. a lot of people die. almost all of my faves die. anything graphic that happened didn’t stick in my mind because i was too sad about everyone dying. the fact that the survivors had gone through horribly fucked up events and were now varying degrees of traumatized was established quite well, and just... damn. i read this book in one sitting on christmas morning and was shaken for the rest of the day. 8/10 but it was depression damage instead of the fear/disgust damage inflicted by the previous books. they were young teenagers, damnit. i haven’t read the monster series, and i don’t think i ever will, for the singular stupid reason that i just want to pretend that these kids eventually got closure and lived out the rest of their lives without anything terrible happening.

#gone series #the fayz #this fandom is so dead ill be shocked if this gets notes #long post #i review something

[hysteriaww]

Your favorite bonkai scene and why?

Oooohh i’ve never gotten a Bonkai ask before how exciting!! Ok possibly a controversial opinion but I honestly love the TVD 8x14 Bonkai scene in the 2018 prison world because:

1) The way the scene was lit up with that sultry red mood lighting like bonkai were about to film a porno right then and there was so perfect bc of how RED is just the perfect color to represent their whole dynamic (blood/rage/lust)

2) The fact that we got to hear Kai canonically call Bonnie “hot.” Even tho it was already canon that he was crazy attracted to her by this point, we’d never actually gotten to hear him (or really any hot charismatic dude on TVD) call Bonnie “pretty”/“hot” etc. until this scene, at which point literally NOBODY could deny that a charismatic, hot, fan-favorite character like kai was attracted to bonnie anymore

3) “Are you here to punish me? ‘Cause that’s kinda hot” as he smirks at her all chained up at her mercy and checks her out FELT LIKE WATCHING A FEVER DREAM COME TO LIFE bcs that was honestly something straight out of the realm of fanfiction and the fact that OUR SHIP actually got THAT LINE gave me 20 extra years of life. To me, it honestly felt like that line was specifically inserted just for the Bonkamily in a rare display of kindness towards us from plague??

4) Bonnie smirking and looking so pleased with herself and Kai’s situation like she was genuinely enjoying toying with him. Bcs that really cemented in canon the fact that iNnoCeNt Bonnie enjoys their antagonistic cat-and-mouse battle of wits game just as much as pSyChO Kai does!! (Which is why it’s bullshit that plague claimed Bonnie was “too pure” for someone as dark as Kai bcs clearly this proved she’s more complex than that smh)

5) Super tiny detail, but the fact that Bonnie knew Two Princes by The Spin Doctors was a song Kai hated, low-key warmed my heart bcs.. even tho she hates him she somehow knows, remembers, and keeps track of exactly what his taste in music is and which songs he likes/dislikes?? It made their “hate” feel more personal/intimate to specifically each other

6) The fact that this scene made it so that Kai’s last word on TVD was “Bonnie” (which is also incidentally the only TVDU name he ever gets right lmfao)

7) Bonkai narrative closure (at least for me). Back when I was watching S6 and all I knew about the finale was that Kai was gonna die, my mind had instinctively assumed “ok well if Kai dies then obv Bonnie’s probably the one who kills him, considering all their history. If anyone kills him, it should be her. She makes the most narrative sense. It would bring their whole arc full circle and serve as poetic justice/resolution for both her and him. Ok I think I’ll be sad but fine with him dying if she’s the one who gets to kill him.” So imagine my damn shock when I reached the TVD 6x22 Bonkai showdown scene expecting some epic fireworks display of a fight, but all I got was 2 secs of banter and actual fighting before DAMON of all people killed him…??? THAT felt like one of the biggest injustices to Bonkai (in a sea of other injustices). So when the Bonkai 8x14 scene came along, and this time, BONNIE was the one who got to defeat Kai ALONE with zero involvement from the eternal Bonkai cock-block/third-wheel Damon, and she was truly the last character to interact with Kai onscreen, it felt like I finally got what I’d wanted in S6. (It also opened the floodgates for a SEA of Bonkai fanfic possibilities with how surprisingly open-ended it left them).

…I didn’t expect my answer to end up being this long but then again it’s Bonkai! Thanks for your question!

#bonkai #asks #bonnie bennett #kai parker #anti damon salvatore #anti tvd #anti julie plec #bonnie bennett x kai parker #mine

[koko-bopp]

Ex — oh sehun

oh sehun x gender neutral!reader ft. Baekhyun

word count – 1.5K

genre – college!au | angst | cheating | happy ending

warnings – cheating, breakups etc

synopsis – you've become the project partner of your ex's new boyfriend. A relationship the both of you left on clifhanger.

"Jagi?" Sehun called out, entering the dorm room as he began taking his shoes off along with the denim jacket he had on all day. "Babe?" He asked again, furrowing his brows when he didn't get a response, he heard giggling coming from his boyfriend's room, he knew there was nothing to worry about, Beakhyun just probably didn't hear him. He opened the door, finding Beakhyun behind his study desk and... [Y/N] sitting on his boyfriend's bed behind a pile of economics papers.

"Sehunnie," Baekhyun chuckled nervously, but a bright smile on his face, "When did you arrive?"

Sehun kept his brows furrowed, but also kept his eyes locked with yours, practically death glares sent your way, though you sent him a smile, one that annoyed him. "Just now," Sehun confirmed, now looking at Baekhyun, a proper smile on his face, "I'll be... Anywhere but here."

Sehun exited the room, and Baekhyun looked at you, knowing why he was being so passive-aggressive, "Sorry, I didn't think—"

You waved your hands in front of your now economics partner, brushing off his apology, "Trust me, don't worry about it, it's in the past."

"I mean, yeah." Baekhyun was still a bit in the dark with your relationship with Sehun, he knows you two were dating at a point of time, not too long before him and Sehun began going out, though he never knew why his boyfriend was so hostile to you. He just assumed it wasn't his place to ask, they've only been dating for a month and thought that Sehun will eventually tell him; but it wasn't exactly the case, and Baekhyun didn't want to make it seem like he's prying. He wasn't going to lie though, part of him was envious of the fact that you know so much and refused to let out anything about your year-long relationship with Sehun.

"Why are you still here?" Sehun had left his boyfriend's dorm room as soon as he entered, going back to his own and hoping to find you no longer at Baekhyun's when he returns. Much to his dismay, his hopes weren't accepted.

You put the glass of water in your hand down onto the kitchen island, turning to Sehun at the front door. "Baek is asleep, thought it would be a good idea to wait for you to drop by then leave," you said, "He shut down halfway through our last couple of questions, I thought he might be sick or whatever. Better safe than sorry kinda thing."

Sehun nodded. Closing the door carefully. The time was close to eleven, the campus lights outside coming through from the windows, plus the small night light next to the television was on, it made the atmosphere less dense and even made Sehun a little tired after studying for a few hours.

"I hope you know I'm not stalking you," you suddenly said, "It was pure coincidence that Baekhyun was signed as my partner for the final..."

Sehun chuckled, leaning against the wall that was on the right of the kitchen island, his arms crossed as he took a moment to gaze at your facial features. "I didn't think you were, but then again, major coincidence."

You smiled at that, and went to put the glass into the sink then looking over at Sehun, "Treat Baekhyun well, yeah? He's a sweet guy."

Sehun scoffed, "Don't worry, I'm not breaking up with him eight months prior to fly off to the United States," he said, keeping his stance against the wall, "Only to end up not going."

Ouch. You felt that stab in your chest and tiny goosebumps along your arms at the final comment. You sighed, placing both hands on the edge of the counter to hold onto it, looking down at the marble. "Not my finest moment," you said, a guilty aired-chuckle leaving your lips, "I do regret it. Honestly."

Sehun swallowed hard, "Then why did you do it?"

"I didn't want any form of attachments when I left..." You didn't want to admit it, but it felt good to say it out loud to the person who needed to hear it, "You know; new city, new life complex... I didn't want to have to go through that heartbreak of potentially not seeing you again..."

Sehun stayed quiet like he was thinking of his next words. He was thankful for the closure, it was something he craved for when you broke up with him, but he didn't know what to take it as now.

You spoke up despite all the silence, "I really did love you. I still do, I don't think I ever stopped. But... I'm a whole month too late, you're with Baekhyun now."

Sehun lifted himself off the wall, walking up to you with so much caution you can see the reluctance on his face. It promoted you to stand up straight, hands off the bench and instead by your side as Sehun bought himself closer to you, close enough that you're able to see every speck of light brown in his dark eyes. He lifted his hand so it gently cupped your cheek, not yet saying a word, but every thought running through his head was very much visible on his face. "I shouldn't be doing this."

"Nobody is telling you to," you chuckled lightly, placing your hand over the one caressing your cheek. "But then again, nobody is stopping you either..."

Sehun took another moment to memorise the curve of your lips, the line from your jaw that meets your chin and the small space between your parted lips. Sehun leaned forward, his head tilted to the side ever so slightly, his mouth mere millimetres away from yours.

It started off slow like you were both getting familiarising with the feeling that was once so familiar. He fucking missed this, the taste of your lips on his, the affection radiating from each other; it made him want more, craving your intimacy so much more than he realised.

Sehun's hand moved down to the back of your neck to bring the two of you as close as possible, pushing you against the edge of the kitchen island. Your hand moved behind you and onto the marble out of reflex, keeping yourself steady while Sehun locked his hand on the corner for the same reason.

"Please," Sehun said, not stopping his heated movements, "Please don't leave me again."

You nodded immediately, only for Sehun to lift you up onto the bench, standing close between your legs while his hands gripped your hips as if he thought you'd run away if he ever let go. You knew that was the case, so you wrapped your arm around his neck and bought him close, telling him you weren't going anywhere; just without the words. Both your kisses becoming slower and softer as the two of you began running out of breath.

Sehun pulled away gently, his hands still firm on your hips, but you were now graciously trailing your thumb up and down his cheekbone, bring it slowly down to his pump lips, dragging it across the lips that you craved for months. Sehun smiled at you, sad eyes locked with yours, "I missed you so much."

You looked at him with guilt though, remembering that no matter what changes between you and Sehun now, he's still in a relationship with someone else, "Sehun, but what about Baek...?"

Sehun's eyes went wide, immediately closing it tightly as soon as he remembered that was the case. "I- Don't worry, I swear, I'll figure something out," he promised, bringing his head up to peck your lips quickly. "You're all I want."

Reluctantly, you nodded. A pin of guilt evident on your face, but seeing Sehun smile at you like a child at a candy store made it disappear quickly. "I have to go, though," You said, chuckling lightly, "It's way past midnight and my friend is probably waiting for me."

"Come to my dorm, my roommate is with their girlfriend," Sehun said, placing another peck on your lips.

You thought the guilt might hit you hard later, you looked over at Baekhyun's room, thinking about how he was going to react to the news. "Okay," you looked back at Sehun, smiled obvious on your expression, "Let's go."

God, you missed him so much.

#exo #sehun #oh sehun #sehun x reader #sehun x male reader #sehun x female reader #sehun x gender neutral reader #exo imagines #exo scenarios #exo sehun #exo mlm #exo angst #baekhyun #mlm #exo college au #x male reader #kpop #exo x reader

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Brooklyn’s Sweetheart Chapter 16: I Don’t Want Your Shitty Tuna Casserole

Pairing: Stucky x Reader

Chapter Summary: The ingredients for a dramatic funeral include unbreakable tension from your two ex-lovers, confronting your fears and past traumas by talking to your father's corpse, and a swiftly planned escape with your new best friend!

Word Count: 5,530

Warnings: Language, drinking, angst, sad Bucky :(

Masterlist / AO3

A/N: Hi everyone, I just want to say thank you for the response on the last chapter! All of your comments are amazing! Also I want to thank @Jessieray98 my beta reader, she is awesome! I hope to have the next chapter out before Christmas, hopefully!!!

The wake was tedious. As soon as they got to the funeral home, crowds of people lined up to offer their condolences. Y/N, dressed in a sweet little black dress with cap sleeves, opaque black tights, hair pulled back with shiny barrettes, was a perfect little doll to receive her father’s mourners.

She stood at the entrance of the small chapel. Pym & van Dyne Funeral Home was owned by Hank Pym and Janet van Dyne, two of the oldest associates of the mob. Y/N didn’t know exactly what they did for the mob, but she had to assume that dead bodies were involved.

The body in question, her own father’s, was at the front of the chapel, his casket surrounded by people. As she had expected, all of the attendees were part of the mob. Tony had parked her in the doorway of the chapel to receive them, to listen to the kindhearted words and sad cadence and see their sorry eyes looking back at her.

They all wanted him dead. She knew it. It made dealing with all this bullshit that much harder.

Their words grated on her mind.

I’m sorry for your loss.

How are you holding up?

Is there anything we can do for you?

And she had to perform to them just as well as they did. A sad little smile. Soft tone and feeble words. Wiping away a tear every now and then. Playing the part of the mob’s little doll. Their crown jewel, ignorant to her father’s horrific crimes and the circumstances of his death. Nobody to protect her anymore.

Her eyes were vacant and her smiles were fake. Anyone who really looked could see it. Not that her audience did.

The casket drew her attention again and again. She hadn’t gone up there yet—hadn’t seen him. She didn’t want to. Her stomach felt like it was going to eject itself from her body whenever she thought about it.

“Here, honey, we brought this tuna casserole,” one of the mob wives said, pressing a Pyrex dish into her hands. “I’ll need the bakeware back once you’re done, if you don’t mind.”

Y/N looked at the dish, covered with aluminum foil. She forced a smile. I don’t want your shitty tuna casserole. “Thank you, Jane. Thor.”

Thor placed an enormous hand on her shoulder in a gesture that was probably meant to be comforting. “Little one, if you need anything, we are here for you,” She drooped under the weight of his touch.

They moved on, and she looked back at the casserole.

What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?

She looked up, blinking back tears—where did those come from? Fortunately, they immediately dried up when she caught sight of Bucky and Steve staring at her from across the room.

Once she had made her arrangement with Tony, she had hurriedly gotten ready while Steve and Tony had a shouting match in the living room.

“She’s not going to NYU—how the fuck are we supposed to protect her?”

“Maybe she can commute—”

“To Manhattan?” Steve scoffed. “Every fucking morning? Twice a day? Not a chance. You think she’s taking the subway at night—you’re out of your goddamn mind!”

“Then she’ll have to move to Manhattan, Steve! Jesus! I can’t make everything perfect!”

“This is absurd! This is a death wish for her!”

“No one seems to be after her—”

“Not yet!”

“I’ll have men watching her as security—”

Bucky interjected for the first time, calmer than the other two. “We’re better security for her than anyone, Tony. You know we are.”

“At this point, I’m not too sure about that,” Tony snarked. “My guys aren’t gonna beat her and take her innocence, that’s for sure!”

“Oh, shut the fuck up with that!” Steve yelled. “We do not beat her—alright? I’ve hit her a few times when she deserved it—"

Tony cut him off. “I told you that you wouldn’t be able to handle her—and I was right. Wasn’t I?”

“No, you weren’t fucking right!”

“Maybe this is what’s best for her. To be on her own for a little while. Maybe it’ll make her appreciate the mob a little more.”

She hadn’t seen so much as heard the sound of glass shattering in the kitchen. “Steve,” Bucky sighed, exasperated. “Really?”

And then she heard Steve’s voice, strained and tight. “If she can find a way to pay for tuition, and if she can find suitable housing. Okay? If she can do that, then she can go to NYU.”

A long pause, and then Tony said, “That’s fair. You’ve got a deal.”

Steve snorted. “You really think she’s ever gonna be able to afford an apartment in Greenwich Village?”

Well, Y/N had scoffed at that and gotten right back to layering on mascara. Challenge accepted. 

The car ride to the funeral home had been tense, and Steve had resolutely ignored her the entire way. Even Bucky hadn’t seemed very happy with her, but it was more in a kicked puppy kind of way that almost made her feel bad.

Until she remembered that he helped kill her father.

Once they got to the wake, the boys mingled with a few people and then disappeared with Sam and Natasha. She lost track of them after that.

Until now.

They stood by the refreshments table, each holding a few vanilla sandwich cookies and little plastic cups of pink lemonade. Whoever had provided the refreshments had not done well by her father—especially with all the money that she suspected this funeral home regularly laundered.

Steve was glaring at her, and Bucky was looking at her with an unreadable expression. Somehow sad and angry and something else—he was closing off, she could tell, upset by her choices.

Well, tough. She was 18 years old—she could make her own decisions. And she had decided that she wasn’t going to let delinquent men embedded in organized crime run her life anymore.

She turned away from their intense stares. Part of her was wary about what they were planning to do to her. What could they do, though? She had Tony on her side.

For the rest of the wake, she held onto that damn casserole. At least it prevented her from having to shake everyone’s hands or give them hugs as they greeted her.

Slowly, all the people filtered out. Steve and Bucky’s eyes still bore into her back, she could feel it, but soon, the chapel was almost empty.

Tony approached her. “Whatcha got there, kiddo?”

“Tuna casserole.”

His brow quirked. “Ah. Hmm. Why?”

She shrugged.

“Have you gone up to see him?”

“Nope.”

“You should.”

“Um. No thanks.”

“Here, I’ll take that.” He took hold of the Pyrex dish and pulled, but she wouldn’t let it go. “Hon. Give me the casserole.” A few more tugs and she finally relinquished it, only because she didn’t want tuna and cream of mushroom soup all over her dress.

Tony breathed out a sigh and motioned to the casket with the casserole. “Go.”

Looking around, she realized she was surrounded by men trying to strongarm her into doing things she didn’t want to do. Steve, Bucky, and Rhodes were all in the room for backup. All bigger and stronger than her, all probably packing guns in the waistbands of their slacks. Great.

She swallowed the taste of bile. “Fine.”

She approached the casket slowly, dragging her feet, her heart pounding harder with each step. It felt like she had swallowed a bowling ball.

A shuddering breath released from her lips when she got to the edge.

He looked almost the same. That was the most shocking part. It looked like he could be alive, if not a little sick, like he had the flu.

Veins jarringly blue underneath thin, waxy white skin. Deep bags underneath his eyes. The smell of antiseptic coming off his body—almost like vodka, if she stretched her imagination.

It made her sick, regardless.

She waited.

She didn’t know what to expect. She was almost waiting for him to open his eyes, look at her, say it was all fake. Maybe he faked his death. That would make sense—right? That’s something he could do as a mob leader, wasn’t it?

He stayed still. He wasn’t coming back.

It was foolish to think he would.

She took a deep breath. Was she supposed to speak to him? She wasn’t sure how this worked.

“I don’t know what to say to you,” she said. She reached out and touched his suit, his satin tie, perfectly knotted, the handkerchief in his pocket. “You’re not my father. I know that now. Great timing, right?” Her fingers trailed up and ran over his jaw. His skin was ice cold and she withdrew her hand quickly. “Well. I don’t know what I would say to you if you were alive. I’d ask why you did all this. And you would say some bullshit like you wanted to protect me. And that wouldn’t give me any real closure about why you’re a terrible man.”

She sniffed, wondering for a moment if she was being too crass for a funeral home. But when she looked back at Tony, he nodded at her, encouraging.

 “I get really mad about it sometimes. I get really mad about a lot of things sometimes. But when I get mad, I know I would never hurt anyone like you did to me and Mom. You’ve done a lot of shit. And now I don’t know how to feel about it, or you, or anyone. And—I don’t know. That’s kind of fucked up.

“Can you even hear me now? Is this how this kind of thing works? Are you in Hell, like the Bible says? Or is that all fake?” She laughed, bitter. “What’s the point of any of this?”

Then she turned around and walked right out of the chapel.

The car ride to the church was somehow more awkward than the one to the funeral home.

“That wasn’t how I expected that to go,” Tony said when they stopped at a light.

“What did you expect me to say?” she asked, staring out the window. She was in the passenger seat. Steve and Bucky were in the back, and she could still feel them looking at her. “Did you want me to have a heart to heart with his dead body and forgive him for all his sins? I can’t do that. Only God can.”

Steve snorted, and she turned to scowl at him. He held her gaze, expression not angry now, but almost mocking. “That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?”

Thankfully, they pulled up to the church seconds later, and Y/N shot out of the car and up the steps before he could say anything.

The church had always provided her a sense of calm. Peace, and tranquility—a constant in her life. Mass every Sunday, church choir, volunteer events on Saturday mornings, and the entire church community she had grown up with. It had always been a place where she could go for refuge, particularly when her father was dealing with business and Steve and Bucky weren’t available. It was her last resort, but a comforting one, nonetheless.

Now, as she stepped into the chapel, she felt conflicted. All of the events of the past week came flooding back into her mind—namely the premarital sex, which the nuns at her school along with her priest had always warned her against. She used to meet every week with the youth group at the church and talk about saving virginity for marriage—but now, that life seemed so far away. She wasn’t the same girl anymore.

Her parents were gone, her best friends were murderers, and incidentally, they had also taken her virginity—forcefully, at that.

As she sat in the front row next to Pepper, the hard wood of the pew dug into the flesh of her backside—another painful reminder of her depraved transgressions. It no longer stung like it had that night—for the past two days, it had been an incessant ache, a fresh bruise that wouldn’t heal. The flesh was colored black and purple with splotches of broken red, tender and swollen to the touch. Now, the dull ache thrummed on her flesh and down her thighs, and she sat straight, still, embracing the pain rather than flinching away from it.

It allowed her something to focus on throughout the sermon. The words that the priest spoke were meaningless to her now. She didn’t want to listen about how Heaven had gained a good soul, or how Obadiah would be missed, or how we must believe in the resurrection of Jesus, or that we may reunite with our loved ones in the afterlife. She knew the truth—that her father had sinned beyond redemption and if any of this was true, he would be in Hell.

Somehow, she managed to dissociate throughout the remainder of the sermon until she felt Pepper’s hand on her shoulder.

“Time for the Eucharist, honey,” she said gently. “Come on.”

She received the body and blood of Christ with a blank expression, chewing the dry wafer with a clenched jaw, barely tasting the wine as she sipped from the priest’s chalice. She didn’t see the pitying expressions the priest and the rest of the congregation gave her as she walked back to her seat. She didn’t realize how well she was acting the role of the grieving daughter.

Muscle memory guided her through the rest of the funeral, as she recited the prayers and rites by heart, the wooden kneeler of the pew digging sharp into the bones of her knees, before her feet led her behind the coffin as they brought it to the graveyard behind the church.

It was a beautiful day—sunny and bright, one of the last warm days before autumn. She focused on how the sun felt on her skin while they said the last prayers, the Rite of Committal, and then Tony was taking her hand, leading her to the grave after it was lowered into the ground.

Following his lead, she took a handful of dirt. Before sprinkling it onto her father’s coffin, she stopped, paused to think, to take one last look and commit the sight to memory.

And then the dirt slipped through her fingers, sifting down onto the wooden casket with a whisper.

 She was tired. They were back at the Brooklyn house she grew up in for the memorial service, the imposing brownstone that contained nothing but bitter memories. Everything looked the same—and she had only been gone for two days, so she should have expected as much.

So she sought refuge in the kitchen, away from the crowd. There was so much food. Not just Jane’s tuna casserole, but baked ziti, devilled eggs, blueberry muffins, macaroni and cheese, tiny meatballs, two huge Edible Arrangements. 

How could anyone eat? How was anybody hungry at a time like this?

She slumped down on the kitchen table, remembering when her life was normal, and her mother and father would come downstairs and eat breakfast with her, and then she would run off to school and she didn’t have to worry that her father was a mob boss.

Those days were long passed. She felt empty, knowing that her life would never be like that again. What was left for her now?

There was NYU, she reasoned—if Tony kept his promise, that is. But she needed a way to pay for it. Her biological father had left her money in his will—and from what she had seen, it would be enough to cover at least one year of college—she hoped.

And then she needed housing. That would be trickier.

As if God was listening to her, a saving grace walked into the kitchen at that exact moment. 

Wanda’s eyes lit up when she saw Y/N and she rushed over to the kitchen table. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you! I didn’t get a chance to see you at the wake.” Wanda enveloped her in a hug, her warmth and her scent washing over her, vanilla and oranges. Then she pulled back, looking over Y/N’s gaunt face and tired eyes. “How’re you doing, babe?”

Y/N shrugged. “I don’t know how to feel.”

Wanda nodded. “That’s normal. You’re grieving.” She paused, and frowned. “Have you eaten?” The look on her face gave her away—Wanda always could see right through her. “I’ll make you something.”

Y/N focused on the sounds of Wanda moving through the kitchen, even while her thoughts raced through her mind. Should she room in the dorms? Or get an apartment? What could she afford? She had no idea about any of this stuff, so sheltered throughout her life that she had no frame of reference for the cost of rent or how to acquire housing in the first place.

“Here.” Before she realized how much time had passed, Wanda was placing a mug of hot chocolate and a bowl of baked ziti on the table in front of her. “Eat.”

“I’m not that hungry, Wanda—”

“You’ll be hungrier once you start eating.” The look on Wanda’s face left no room for arguments. They sat in silence as Y/N ate for the first time in days—and she hadn’t realized how hungry she was. She was ravenous, almost choking on the noodles with how fast she ate it. Grieving and crying all the time really did work up an appetite.

Once she was done, Wanda got her a second helping, and she went through that one slower, taking her time to savor the flavor. Finally, she felt up to talking. “This is really good.”

“Natasha made it.”

“Oh. How are things going with you two?”

“Good. I’m gonna miss her when classes start next week.”

Then a connection sparked in her brain—the missing connection, the one she had been looking for. Wanda was going to NYU! How could she have forgotten?

“Wanda!” she gasped.

Wanda looked startled, eyes scanning for anything wrong. “What? What’s wrong?”

“You’re going to NYU, right?”

“Yeah?”

Y/N clutched Wanda’s hands and lowered her voice to a whisper. “Tony said I could go to NYU! He’s letting me go—and I need your help!”

Wanda squealed, “Y/N! That’s so exciting—”

Y/N clamped her hand over Wanda’s mouth. “Shhh! We need to keep quiet about this!”

“Why?” Wanda’s voice was muffled behind her palm.

“Bucky and Steve don’t want me to go,” she explained, and a realization washed over Wanda’s face. “They said they would let me go if I could pay for it and if I could find housing. But I don’t think they expect me to be able to do it—so they’re not going to let me go if they can help it.”

Wanda nodded and Y/N’s hand slipped away from Wanda’ mouth. “They’ll probably do whatever they can to get in your way,” Wanda said, voice quiet.

“Exactly.”

“Listen—there’s student loans. It might be tough and you’ll be paying them off forever, but—”

“I have money,” Y/N cut her off. “A lot of it.”

Wanda grimaced. “I heard Natasha talking—the FBI is probably going to repossess all your dad’s money. We need a plan B.”

“I have a plan B,” Y/N insisted. Then she finished off the last few bites of ziti and stood. “Follow me.”

They slipped out of the kitchen through the back staircase and snuck upstairs to the hallway outside of her parent’s room. Y/N pulled the string for the attic and hoped that nobody heard the squeaking sound of the stairs pulling out, or their dull footsteps thudding as they climbed into the attic.

“There it is,” Y/N said, walking over to the stack of photos and papers. Everything was exactly like she had left it the other night before Steve had dragged her out of the attic by her hair. “Look at this,” she whispered, kneeling down, dust covering the knees of her tights.

“What is—” Wanda kneeled down beside her. “Holy shit! That’s a lot of zeros!”

“I know!”

“It’s yours?”

“It was left to me by my biological dad.”

“What? Your biological dad?” Wanda looked ready to launch into a thousand questions.

“I’ll explain later,” Y/N cut her off hurriedly. “My mom said the bank account is already in my name and I can do what I want with it now that I’m 18. And the FBI won’t be able to take it away.”

“How long have you known about this?”

“Three days.” Y/N could have laughed at the shocked expression Wanda wore, but she had other concerns. “I need help figuring out if this is enough to cover tuition—”

“Oh, it’s more than enough,” Wanda laughed. She pulled out her phone and went to the calculator app. “Let’s see… It’s just enough to cover tuition for four years.”

“That’s convenient.”

“But probably not enough to cover other expenses—rent and food and stuff.”

“Oh. Well I don’t even know where I’m living yet. Maybe I can find somewhere cheap.”

Wanda grinned, and Y/N was starting to really like the gleam in her eye. “I have just the place for you.”

 It was surprisingly easy to sneak out of the house and walk the three blocks to the subway, jump on the F train and take it all the way to 2nd Avenue Station. Last time they came to Manhattan, Wanda had called an Uber, but this time, Wanda insisted on the subway.

“You’re gonna have to learn how to use public transportation if you’re gonna go to NYU,” she claimed as the train jostled through the underground tunnels towards Manhattan.

“Where are we even going?” Y/N asked, but Wanda only smirked.

“It’s a surprise!”

And it was quite a surprise when they got off and promptly walked five blocks east to a brick apartment building, not the newest or cleanest in the city, but not quite in disrepair either. Y/N was confused until Wanda pulled her up to the front entrance, took out a key from her pocket, and unlocked the front entrance.

“We’re all the way on the seventh floor!” Wanda said, “And the elevator doesn’t work!”

The seventh floor, as it turned out, was the top floor. Y/N barely registered this as they burst through the top stairwell into a dim hallway, clutching their sides.

“Aren’t you a pro-swimmer?” Wanda panted, “Shouldn’t you be used to cardio?”

Still breathing hard, she followed Wanda down the hallway. “I’ve been slacking all summer. I’ll be surprised if the NYU team still wants me.” The hallway was lined by exposed brick walls and shabby, pilled carpet that was once red but now matched the brown of the walls.

“You’re gonna love the place!” Wanda said, stopping in front of a door with a dull gold plaque reading 7C.

She unlocked the deadbolt and stepped inside the apartment. “So,” Wanda breathed, “This is the entrance! We have a kitchen and living room here.”

Calling it a kitchen and living room would be generous. It was an open space, crumbling brick walls, concrete floors, exposed pipes and beams in the ceiling. The kitchen was set along the wall to the right—a stove, fridge, sink, and one small area of counter space. A table was crammed up against the wall opposite, six mismatched wooden chairs around it. To the wall opposite the door was a sofa, the brown leather faded and worn. The space was so cramped, barely any room to walk around the furniture. A wrought iron support beam was placed awkwardly between the living room and kitchen, and next to the sofa there was a ladder leading up to a loft area.

“It’s not much,” Wanda said with a small smile. “We’re still looking for furniture and decorations.”

“You live here with other people?”

Wanda nodded, “Yeah, other girls who are going to NYU! I met them through my friend Kate Bishop—you remember her, right? You met her at that party in Tribeca, remember?”

Y/N vaguely recalled a girl with long black hair, bangs, telling her about her father’s publishing company in Manhattan. “Yeah, I think so. Who are the other girls?”

“There’s America and Kamala. They’re Kate’s friends—they’re really nice, you’ll like them a lot. We’ve actually been looking for a fifth roommate for a while now, so it’s really convenient that you need a place now.”

Wanda showed her the rest of the house—what little of it there was. There were four rooms and the loft. America had the biggest room—she was the one who had found the apartment in the first place. Kamala and Wanda both had the two other bedrooms, and Kate had chosen to make the loft her bedroom.

“It’s because the last bedroom—well—it’s kind of…” Wanda shrugged as they reached the end of the narrow hallway. “I’ll just show you.”

She opened the last door on the left, and led Y/N inside. To say it was small was an understatement. It was long and narrow, about the size of her walk-in closet in Brooklyn, barely any room for anything more than a bed. There wasn’t a closet or any lighting, but there was a window, and it barely let in enough natural light for the room.

“That window shares a fire escape with my room next door,” Wanda said. “This used to be a closet but when the owner was renovating, they turned it into a bedroom.”

A smirk played on Y/N’s lips. “The place is renovated?” She wouldn’t have guessed it from the stained concrete floors or the half-finished tiling in the bathroom or the exposed wires in the walls.

Wanda laughed. “Yeah, they didn’t get very far, clearly.” There was a pause as Y/N walked around the small bedroom. “What do you think?”

Their eyes met and she gave Wanda a wry grin, the corners of her eyes crinkling. “I’ll tell you what, I’ll move in if you share some of your closet space with me.”

“It’s a deal!”

Before they left, Wanda helped Y/N figure out her expenses, showed her how to pay for her tuition online, and even helped her call the bank to get a debit card linked to the bank account.  

“So, your money will cover all four years of tuition, and barely enough for rent, but you’ll have to get a job to pay utilities and food.”

“Lucky that this place is so cheap. I just don’t know how I’ll have time for a job.”

“Well, look around at some openings—there’s a ton right now since the semester is about to start. You’ll find something, I know it. I’ll help you apply for more scholarships, too.”

They grinned at each other. “Thanks for helping me with this, Wanda. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Wanda scoffed. “You’d probably be paying $4,000 for a one-bedroom apartment in Greenwich Village, that’s what.”

That sent them both into a fit of giggles, and when their laughter died down, they leaned against each other, sitting on the leather couch. “I don’t want to go back,” Y/N said.

“Well, we have to get your stuff and move it here.”

“Yeah… what are the logistics of that? How are we going to get any of my furniture here?”

Wanda shrugged. “We’ll take my car and fit as much stuff as we can into it. We’ll come back if we need to.”

And so it was settled, Y/N would move into the tiny fifth bedroom, and she would go to NYU, and she would finally be free of Steve and Bucky.

 “Where the hell have you been?” Tony asked sternly when Wanda and Y/N arrived back at the house. They had been gone for about three hours by then, and most of the people have left, only a few upper members of the mob remaining—to include Bucky and Steve.

The boys had realized she was gone a few hours ago, and Steve had been chain smoking Parliaments while Bucky made his way through the entire tuna casserole, barely containing their rage and anxiety, respectively. By the time they returned, Steve was a few drinks in—at Tony’s insistence, who had been quite literally unable to deal with Steve’s uncontrolled anger suffocating everyone else in the room.

“I went to look at an apartment. I’m moving in with Wanda,” she answered simply before turning her back on him and heading upstairs. Wanda followed her, their hands full of flattened boxes for moving.

With her back turned, she didn’t see the way Bucky’s jaw dropped at the mention of her moving out, nor how Steve’s face began to turn maroon with pending rage.

As soon as they reached her bedroom, the pounding of footsteps up the stairs could be heard, and then Steve, Bucky, and Tony all crowded into her room, all different shades of shocked.

“You found an apartment?” Tony asked, disbelieving.

“Yep.”

“How the hell do you expect to pay for it? Or tuition, for that matter?” Steve demanded.

Y/N leveled him with a cool look. “My biological father left me money. It’s all in my name.” She walked up slowly to him until they were almost touching. “I’m leaving, and you can’t stop me. I’m not going to let you control my life anymore.”

She was surprised she was able to say it so calmly, unphased. Inside, she was shaking, a ball of nerves in her throat, pulse pounding in her neck.

It was silent then, and everyone waited for Steve to respond. His eyes narrowed at her, a sneer coming over his face. His hands clenched into fists and he moved to touch her, but he stopped himself with an incredible show of self-restraint. Closing his eyes, he breathed deeply, in and then out. “Is this really what you want?” he asked, every muscle stiff with tension.

“Yes,” she answered. “And I want you to leave me alone.”

His eyes opened, narrowing in on her, lips curling into a snarl. “And what if I don’t want to do that?”

She gulped and said the first thing that came to mind. “I’ll call the police.”

He laughed. “You think that’s really gonna make a difference, sweetheart? You think the NYPD can stop me?” His warm breath and the smell of whiskey hit her nose when he spoke. She cringed away for a moment before drawing herself back up to full size, not allowing him to intimidate her. 

“It will if I tell them all about how you participated in my dad’s murder. Everything I heard you say, everything I know about it.”

“You don’t have any evidence.” 

Tony interjected then, exasperation mixed with exhaustion written in his tone, all over his face. This entire week, with Stane’s arrest, his death, arranging his funeral and then dealing with the breakup of the Three Amigos—it had all worn on him, broken him down, and he had no strength left for it. He had sworn to Obadiah that he would protect his daughter, and the safest place for her was probably NYU, away from the mob, away from other gangs. Plus, she was so determined to go, what could he really do to stop her?

“Jesus Christ, Rogers—let it go. She’s going. It’s done. I really don’t want the police poking around us more than they have to. Leave her alone—and that’s an order. Got it?”

Steve glanced between Tony and the girl in front of him, before sending a scathing glare her way and finally, stepping back, turning away, and stomping downstairs. They heard the front door slam closed, and then she felt like she could breathe.

Bucky, who had been watching the entire exchange with a pained look on his face, stepped up to her. “You’re really doing this?”

“Yes.” She looked at him impassively, uncaring.

“You don’t—” But he didn’t know what to say. He was beginning to realize just how far they had pushed her. They had caused this—with their actions against both her and her father. And he had done nothing to stop Steve from hurting her, nor had he done enough to comfort her in the aftermath of her parents abandoning her.

This was who she was now. She wanted to be alone now, and he needed to let her.

He sighed, resigned to the fact that she hated him now, and that he could do nothing to change that fact. For the last time, he leaned forward, placed a tender kiss on her cheek, surprised that she didn’t push him away. When he pulled back, he thought he saw something in her eyes, but the flash of warmth was quickly replaced by her cold gaze once again. It felt like sandpaper when he swallowed, and he bit the inside of his cheek to stop the tightening in his throat. 

There was a hoarseness in his voice when he said, “Call me if you need anything, doll.”

And with that, he turned away and left, wondering if he would ever see her again.

#brooklyn's sweetheart #Steve Rogers #steve rogers fic #steve rogers x reader #dark!steve rogers #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fic #dark!bucky barnes #stucky #stucky x reader #dark!stucky #Dark!Steve x Reader #dark!bucky x reader #dark!stucky x reader #MCU #MCU fanfiction #marvel #marvel fanfiction #steve rogers fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfiction #james buchanan barnes #fanfiction #dark!steve #Dark!Bucky #steve rogers smut #bucky barnes smut #steve rogers x reader x bucky barnes

[thechrisramos]

Taylor Swift’s Evermore Review

This evening as I was stuck in traffic, driving back from holiday shopping all day for myself because let me tell you something if I don’t give myself something for Christmas, no one will. Anyway, there was not a lot going on at that moment, so I opened Facebook and was hit with great news: Taylor Swift was releasing YET ANOTHER ALBUM, a sister album to folklore named evermore.

Several hours later, at 11:11pm on December 10th, 2020 – after wrapping up my workout for the day and taking a shower – I’m tucked in bed, with a glass of cold water in hand, AirPods in (the pro ones obvi), about to listen to her newest album. So, let’s review it.

willow

Ok, so the instruments are a little more pronounced right away, I suspected this already because the album artwork was in color instead of black and white.

I really liked this song, I don’t know what it is about alternative music that just hits me where it needs to (unlike any other genre), and Taylor is such a great songwriter that I can always feel the meaning in her words even if I don’t relate.

However, I can relate to this one. My favorite lyric:

The more you say The less I know Wherever you stray I follow

I’ve said this to a guy before lol, he ghosted me after three weeks. But those three weeks were everything. Heaven and hell. If you wanna learn more about him read my past posts, you’ll find them right away.

Anyway, I don’t have a man right now, and I don’t want one, but like I said, I can feel the words.

champagne problems

Sadness.

You know what I’ve realized, and maybe everyone already knew this, but when going through a breakup a lot of the pain comes from the other person doing all the things we did together, but with someone else. Even if you were the one to break up the relationship, it still hurts. And this song is just that.

I cannot relate to this song personally because I’ve never done this to a person, but I do like to think that the shitty guy who obliterated my heart last January (yeah, the one I mentioned above) felt this way. Probs not.

Favorite lyrics:

She’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred And hold your hand while dancing Never leave you standing

I really enjoyed the piano on this one.

gold rush

Ok, a poppy beat. I like it.

While folklore was mostly not about her life, so far evermore seems very personal, yet very relatable. Gold rush obviously refers to the California gold rush, and thousands (millions? I don’t know, I was educated in Texas) of people relocating to California so they could dig up some gold. Perceptibly, the gold in this case refers to her man, and how everyone wants him (at least in her head).

Favorite lyrics:

I don’t like slow motion double vision in rose blush

I just like how she can make any words fit. Like, how does she do it?

What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?

Something that we all wonder about hot people. This song is about the insecurity that comes with being in a relationship, which is why I don’t like being in relationships.

‘tis the damn season

I like this one because it considers what a lot of us consider as well. The what if?

I don’t know if she wrote this one thinking about herself because as far as we know she is really happy with her man, and I really hope it stays that way. But when she says:

And the road not taken looks Real good now

Was she maybe wondering what life would’ve been like with her hometown lover? I don’t know. But I mean we all definitely consider things like this at some point in our lives, not necessarily about hometown lovers, but about past ones.

Favorite lyrics:

You could call me “babe” for the weekend ‘Tis the damn season Write this down

I assume she means the holiday season because don’t we all wish we had someone during it, but like just for the “weekend”? I know I do, but no.

tolerate it

This song is about that looming feeling that takes over a lot of us after the “honey moon” period at the beginning of a relationship is over. The moments where you start to consider whether something is a red flag or whether you are imagining it. I think it happens to everyone, but I don’t want to generalize.

Favorite lyrics:

If it’s all in my head tell me now Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow

_

While you were out building other worlds, where was I?

_

Now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life

For me, all of these lyrics show the insecurities that are typical in a relationship. It’s actually a little painful when you go through it, and it’s almost like you want your partner to wear a bodycam so that you can see and hear every conversation they have, to listen to the way they say things, their tone of voice, compliments they give and to who, just every detail of their life.

It sucks to feel that way.  

no body, no crime (feat. HAIM)

Pop country?

This one is just really, like a lot to take in. Obviously, it’s not about Taylor, but it’s told by a person whose friend Este was “murdered” (cheated on I assume); however, I think Este is singing the song. I don’t know, there are many ways you could interpret this story.

I was really impressed though by how it goes from:

But I ain’t letting up until the day I die

to:

I wasn’t letting up until the day he Died

My assumption is that it’s about cheating and seeing all the clues, but not having the evidence to prove it, but still avenging yourself in the end. I liked this song.

happiness

The song is a question, “how does something great end?”

“We were so happy, when did it change?”

You know, these are questions that you will ask yourself at some point in your life.

I’m just now realizing that evermore is about why being in a relationship sucks, maybe we’ll get why being in a relationship is great with the rest of the songs, but so far Taylor is doing a great job at reminding me why I don’t want to be in a relationship, and perfect timing because ‘tis the damn season.

This song is the epitome of “easier said than felt”:

There’ll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you

No matter how many times you tell yourself this, when you’re going through a break up, this won’t help because you want them to be your happiness.

There’ll be happiness after me But there was happiness because of me

This one will hurt when your ex finds someone else because not only do they know that there is happiness after you, but they found the happiness after you.

Leave it all behind And there is happiness

Like I said, easier said than felt.

dorothea

The words we all wish our high school crush would say to us.

Do you ever stop and think about me?

Yes.

coney island (feat. The National)

I think we are entering the “pondering” songs, the ones where you don’t necessarily feel anything for the person, but you’re just thinking about them, and in the case of this song, all the ways you wronged them.

I have never done this to a person because nobody wants me lol. My favorite lyrics:

Will you forgive my soul When you’re to wise to trust me and too old to care?

I don’t know, there’s something honest about the question.

ivy

Are the songs getting more philosophical by now, or am I just dumb?

So far, this has been the song that I just cannot understand. Reading over the lyrics once again, I think this is a song about two separately married people having an affair, but not being able of letting go of each other even though they are “promised” to other people.

I don’t know, somebody enlighten me!

Favorite lyrics:

My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand Taking mine, but it’s been promised to another

cowboy like me

Now I’m really doubting my mental capacity. What is a cowboy supposed to be like?

I think, and this might be completely wrong, this song is about being in the entertainment industry. About selling yourself within the industry as the “cream of the crop”, but knowing deep down you are not that, and then recognizing someone in the industry doing the same thing as you. You know, just two people going through life selling themselves as the best of the best, and finding comfort in having someone they can be their true selves with. 

Favorite lyrics:

You’re a cowboy like me Perched in the dark Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear

long story short

Long story short, this is a song about falling and getting back up again. 

While I really like the lyrics in the end, when she says she survived the fall from the precipice, these resonated with me a little more:

I always felt I must look Better in the rear view

I take this to mean something along the lines of “the idea of who I am looks better than who I actually am.” I really identify with this thought because if you met me you would probably think that I’m just so chill and funny (not to toot my own horn lol), but if you got to know me you’d pretty quickly realize I am anxiety-ridden and dislike people very much.

marjorie

For some reason I feel like this song is about a trans person, is that just me? Like, you were born again as Marjorie, and you have a dead name now, but the essence of who you are is not dead to me. 

Maybe not. I don’t know.

This could also be about losing the person you love, and wishing you had appreciated and enjoyed the times you spent with them a little more. This seems more like it.

I love that Taylor’s writings can be interpreted in many ways, and you know it’s all deliberate. Like she planned it like that. Ugh, her mind!

Favorite lyrics:

Never be so kind You forget to be clever Never be so clever You forget to be kind

For me this is a message on how you should keep a good balance in who you are. A reminder to not lose track of yourself.

closure

Well, this song is about closure. The whole first part of the song resonated so much with me because, going back to the guy that broke my heart back in January, well:

It’s been a long time And seeing the shape of your name Still spells out pain It wasn’t right The way it all went down

While I have gotten over him, the lyrics above mirror how I felt for a really long time even though our “relationship” only lasted three weeks (I’m not exaggerating). By the way, this guy and I were never official or anything.

Favorite lyrics:

It cut deep to know ya Right to the bone

This is still true. But yeah, I don’t need his closure (not that he would ever reach out), but I got my own closure, and that’s all that matters.

evermore (feat. Bon Iver)

And I couldn’t be sure I had a feeling so peculiar This pain wouldn’t be for Evermore

Coming back to closure and getting over a break up, there’s nothing more painful than the feeling you get when you get broken up with. Every day that you are not with this person, you think of new things you miss about them, and that’s what makes it painful. You keep telling yourself that you’ll get over them, but as the days go by you start doubting whether that is true (btw it’s true), and that’s why those lyrics are so significant.

Thoughts:

Well, I really liked this album just like I did folklore. I think Taylor is entering a new phase in her life. NOT a new era that goes with an album and ends when a new one comes out, but a new phase. That phase when you let go of the immature kid inside of you, and start focusing on yourself instead of others. These past couple of albums have shown that. I’m not saying that Taylor was immature btw, or that she is no longer youthful, but she definitely has a more adult-like air about her.

She also makes it clear why she is the Apple Music’s Songwriter of the Year. Her lyrics are just magnificent, she is able to say so much in a few verses, and she, like, cuts so deep with paper-thin words. It’s impressive, and I definitely see her as poet (since forever).

Anyway, I hope y’all like the album as well, and I hope Taylor keeps making music because I definitely LOVE IT!

Make sure to stream and/or buy her latest album here:

Apple Music

Spotify

YouTube

#taylor swift #evermore #folklore #album #album review #poems #love #relationships #heartbreak #pain #lover #songwriter #review #willow #champagne problems #gold rush #'tis the damn season #tolerate it #no body no crime #happiness #dorothea #coney island #ivy #cowboy like me #long story short #marjorie #closure #bon iver #haim #the national

[nadziejastar]

How do you think Axel would have been viewed if he was a woman, but otherwise written exactly the same?

I think a female Lea (Leah?) would have been very popular. She’d be a breath of fresh air considering how stereotypical most female characters are. She’d have as many fanboys as Lea does fangirls. I don’t think she would have been shipped with Roxas as much, though. I just don’t think it would have been as popular if it weren’t a yaoi pair with an uke and seme. If anything, I think people would have assumed she was a lesbian, lol. But that’s just my speculation. I think her relationship with Saix would have been far more acceptable to see as romantic if she’d been female, whether Saix was male or female. Female/Female relationships are just more socially acceptable. If Axel had been a girl, I’d still like her with Isa.

Lea the Crybaby

“Even if we don’t see each other, it’s more important that we think about each other all the time, anyway, right? …Got it memorized?”

Roxas grinned. “It doesn’t suit you, saying things like that.”

Those words were meant to make them feel better, but… if I went into that, I’d look weak. “Shaddap,” said Axel, looking away.

Xion laughed. Roxas found it funny too, and he started to laugh.

“Is it that funny?!” Axel asked almost unconsciously.

Roxas and Xion stopped laughing for a moment, but when they looked at each other, they burst out laughing again.

If Axel had been a girl, he wouldn’t have to be written or perceived any differently. I don’t think there’s anything about his personality that couldn’t have been possible in a female character. Heck, I think many aspects of him would have been more accepted as a female character. If he were female, he would have been perceived differently, though. 

And because of that, he wouldn’t have been robbed of all his emotional depth in KH3. As a Nobody, Axel had balls of steel. He smiled even as he was disappearing. He always smiled through the worst pain. He was a total hardass. It’s a big reason why he became so popular. Most of the male fans I know in real life liked Axel because he was a total badass in Castle Oblivion. And he was. He was cold and ruthless and COOL. All of that is fine in female characters, too.

“I want everybody I meet to remember me. Inside people’s memories, I can live forever.”

“I know I won’t forget you. Believe me, I try all the time,” Isa replied with a bit of humor in his tone.

“See? I’m immortal!”

“You’re obnoxious.”

But Axel was not naturally cold and badass. He became that way because he was VERY sensitive. He was a very multi-dimensional character. You can especially see it in the novels. He was so softhearted that he became desensitized to pain. That’s how he was able to smile all the time. In BBS, you can see he’s not really “badass”. He’s a huge dork that gets teased by Isa. I’ve seen some fans (mostly male) dislike the direction they took him in Days and BBS because he seemed too nice. But that’s the real Lea. A kindhearted, lovable, childish dork.

On the sofa opposite him, Naminé spoke up instead. “Sora and Riku are best friends.”

Axel’s eyes crinkled as he remembered his own best friend—the only friend he’d ever had, in fact.

“If your best friend goes away, you’re sad, and if you get to be with them, you’re happy,” Naminé added. “Isn’t that how it is, Axel?”

“…That’s about the size of it.” Axel nodded and sat down on the remaining empty sofa, staring at the sea-salt ice cream he held.

“So you are capable of sincerity,” said Riku.

Axel only shrugged at the jab and finished his ice cream pop.

I think Axel became more flat and was reduced to mainly comic relief in KH3 specifically because the KH3 team was afraid of the backlash they might receive if they did what they were originally gonna do with him. The were scared to go all the way and take his story to its natural conclusion because he’s male. Probably because it would change the way people perceived him. He’s not really as cool and badass as people thought. If he had been female, this side of his personality would have been embraced. But as a male, it was much more difficult to pull off, and ultimately, Square was too cowardly to do it.

He’d never deluded himself that tracking down Riku would be easy, and neither had Saïx. It was just that if he went back and reported that he couldn’t find anything, he would have to deal with those attempts at “personality”—the sneers, the snide remarks, the only trappings of human emotion that Saïx ever showed. Not that Saïx was even capable of annoyance or disappointment, of course, what with the lack of a heart and all.

Heading up the slope to the station, Axel bit into the ice cream bar. “This stuff is so salty,” he murmured to himself, as he often did.

Axel was a very deep character. He had many sides. Kanemaki was a writer on Days and I think she had a lot to do with how fleshed out he became. Due to his trauma, he appeared to be very stoic and other times very carefree. But deep down, he was very vulnerable. He hated showing it. He hated it when people saw him cry. He hid his feelings very well. Roxas and Xion never saw the emotional side of him. And many fans didn’t either. Axel was still smiling the last time he saw Roxas in person, when he said let’s meet again in the next life. He only cried for the first time in KH2FM. The scene didn’t go too far. It was ambiguous if Roxas could even tell Axel was crying. Axel never allowed himself to showed true vulnerability with Roxas.

“Let’s meet again in the next life.”

At those words spoken with just a hint of a smile, Roxas nodded quietly.

“Yeah. I’ll be waiting.”

There was something funny about Roxas’ serious answer, and Axel laughed.

Same with Kairi. And that was the problem. Axel/Lea was more emotional in KH3. He had a heart, so it’s only natural. He cried with Kairi, but ran away afterwards. When he reunited Roxas and Xion, he cried again. But IMO, that wasn’t the catharsis he really needed. He was still bottling a lot of strong feelings up. He never has a scene where he has to confront his emotional baggage and deal with it. He never had to deal with the fact that he was using Roxas as an emotional crutch for much deeper issues.

Then someone else spoke behind him. “I’ve been waiting for you, Axel.”

“Yeah, I figured you’d show up.” His smirk turned nastier as he turned to see Saïx. He didn’t take his eyes off the other man as he spoke to the girl in the cage.

His final fight was robbed of almost all emotion. It didn’t feel like he had anything to fight for. He lacked passion or a strong purpose. Look how many people say that Lea shouldn’t have even gotten a Keyblade. The fight wasn’t for Axel and Saix to finally settle their issues. It felt more like Roxas and Xion were the stars. Then the stupid Subject X crap was shoehorned in. 

Lea is mostly known in KH3 for having a few quips where he breaks the fourth wall. His humor was allowed to be played up as much as possible. But, he wasn’t allowed much genuine emotion. Despite having a heart, he felt more hollow than ever in many ways. His reunion with Roxas and Xion was…cute? I guess? To me it felt forced. Lea still acted kinda “meh”. Roxas and Xion were crying, and he was still trying to play it cool. He was never allowed to take his mask off. He still never had true a moment of emotional catharsis.

You’re ultimately still a crybaby, but you don’t need the marks anymore.

The truth is, Lea needed a resolution where he wasn’t forced into the cool and aloof big brother role. It’s why the Roxas and Xion reunion didn’t provide any closure to his character arc. Lea wasn’t really aloof, like he acted on Day 96. He was super emotional. He needed someone to be truly 100% vulnerable with. The only character to know that side of Lea was Isa. And it’s obvious that “Lea the crybaby” is something that revolved around his relationship with Isa more than anyone. It’s mentioned in Isa’s Character File story.

The sunset stung my eyes. I’ve been a bit of a crybaby lately. I wonder if it’s because the upside-down tear charm is gone.

And also Lea’s Character File story called “I Will Not Forget You”. His character arc in KH3 was “resolved” by hastily reuniting with Roxas and Xion and “working it out” with Saix. But…it really wasn’t resolved at all.

Axel suddenly broke his silence. “Well, even if things change, we’ll never be apart—”

“—As long as we remember one another,” Xion finished. “Right?”

The day the ‘Winner’ stick was finally mentioned, it’s called “Sunset” and Axel told them they’d never be apart. He was acting like nothing was wrong, even though he knew there was barely any time left for them to be together. He never let Roxas and Xion know how sentimental he was. On Xion’s “Day 6″ she disappeared. It was called “Tears”. That’s the day Axel finds the white envelope with the stick in it.

Maybe, this is the last time I’ll see Saix, too.

Thinking, Axel looked at the seated Saix’s back. “We’ve known each other for a pretty long time, haven’t we?”

Ignoring Axel’s words, Saix continued typing on the keyboard.

“Say something. Have you even thought that maybe I can’t erase Roxas?” Axel said, in a playful tone, and Saix finally looked up. “It’ll be all right. ‘Cause I’m tough.” Axel puffed out his chest.

“How stupid,” said Saix, and for a moment he smiled. “Let’s hurry up and prepare. Time is limited. The hero will wake up soon, too. I’ll send you in right in front of Roxas.”

“Okay.”

Axel stood in front of the sending device. Saix rested his finger on the button.

“I’m off the~n!” Waving to Saix, Axel’s figure disappeared.

On Roxas’s “Day 6″, Axel had a very emotional exchange with Saix after looking at the white envelope. He was bonding with Saix just before he attempted to eliminate Roxas. He joked with Saix about it. That sends a very powerful message about the nature of Axel’s feelings for Saix. Axel was emotionally dependent on him. Saix thought Axel didn’t need him anymore, but that simply wasn’t true. He did. It’s obvious to me that the ‘Winner’ stick was meaningful to Axel due to his relationship with Isa more than anyone. That stick was a symbol of Lea’s tears. Yet…it was never even mentioned in KH3. Saix only briefly glanced at it just before he mentioned that Axel’s tear marks were gone. The rest is left to your imagination. 

“Oh, c’mon, it’s not that funny!” Axel scolded.

They paused, looked at each other, and giggled again.

“I don’t know why I put up with this…”

“But, I mean…it just didn’t sound like you, Axel.” Xion could barely hold in laughter long enough to get the words out.

A wish that they could always be together—was longing for the impossible. But at least they could always remember one another.

I think it was hinting that Isa originally given him that stick. It was probably so Lea would always remember him, even when he was gone. Lea cried that day. A LOT. Just like Roxas finally shed tears when Xion was gone, leaving behind nothing but the shell. Lea’s feelings for Isa were as powerful as Roxas’s feelings for Xion. 

Axel became numb by the time he became a Nobody. Then he started to grow a heart again. That’s what his entire arc in Days was about. These extremely powerful feelings for Isa got totally ignored in KH3, though. Changing Lea’s arc with Isa robbed him of all his emotional depth. It really, truly did. It hurt his character SO much. Lea had nobody to be vulnerable with. Most people could tell Axel/Lea was handled poorly in KH3, even if they weren’t not sure what exactly was missing.

I chose to disappear because I did not want to become what Xemnas had planned for me. Therefore, I had no regrets. I remember disappearing in front of the clock tower while Roxas held me. Roxas also went to sleep afterwards, leaving Axel alone. The person who probably suffered the most was Axel. Because he’s the one who forgot the most. Being forgotten and forgetting, they’re both painful.

What was missing was genuine emotion and vulnerability. Lea’s resolution in KH3 needed to be emotional. WAAAAY more emotional than a quick hug with Roxas and Xion, then going back to being comic relief and breaking the fourth wall. He needed to bawl his eyes out. Even in Xion’s Character File, she said he had more pain than her or Roxas. He needed to finally drop his cool big brother exterior and show his pain. Isa needed to be the one to comfort the “crybaby” and let him know he never forgot about him.

Lea needed a lot more from Isa than just him grudgingly admitting he was jealous and dismissively telling him to stop crying. Lea needed a shoulder to cry on. Someone he could show his weakness to. That’s something Roxas and Xion could not offer him. Without that, his character did not really grow in KH3. He remained the same as he was in Days. Static.

I think the whole idea of Lea’s character was changed because it was too “gay”. Square/Disney we’re afraid of a character like Lea. A male character with a powerful emotional arc revolving around the tears he shed for another man. The story of Axel tear drops got dropped like a hot potato in favor of some stupid retcon with Skuld. If Axel had been female, nobody would care about the subplot with Subject X. Everyone would have been clamoring for more details about how and why she got her tear marks.

#akusai #leaisa #kh lea #kh axel