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ladykissingfish · 5 hours ago
Konan: That’s a really pretty ring.
Deidara: Thanks, hm! Danna gave it to me!
Konan: Oh? Is it an engagement ring??
Deidara: Well I don’t want to brag, but —
Sasori: We robbed a jewelry store. I told him to hold that, he stuck it on his finger but it was too small and now he can’t get it back off.
Deidara, hugging Sasori: Isn’t he romantic?! He picked such a clever way to propose, hm!
Sasori: You’ve got until 6 o’clock to loosen that thing, or I’m chopping your finger off.
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thewindisanexplosion · 5 hours ago
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ladykissingfish · 14 hours ago
what tf am I doing that there’s always dirt under my fingernails?
an au fic where Sasori is a wealthy businessman traveling from city to city attending different meetings, he’s very jaded with the dull, all work no play life he’s living, and one night in his hotel out of boredom and loneliness decides to order himself an escort, and to REALLY switch it up by ordering a MALE escort. a knock comes on the door and this gorgeous blonde creature is standing there but right away Sasori is like I’m sorry I thought I requested a man and the person scowls and says in a deep voice I am a damn man! so Sasori let’s him in and they have a few drinks and the guy is trying to speed things up to the sex so he can get paid and go home but Sasori is enjoying just being in this guy’s presence so much because he’s so random and eclectic; nothing like the stodgy coworkers and subordinates Sasori is used to being around, so Sasori offers the guy (whose name is Deidara) a lot of money to just stay with him for the week that Sasori is in this city, no sex necessary just be there when Sasori comes back and hang out, and Deidara thinks Sasori is nuts but whatever it’s a lot of dough and he’d be a fool to pass it up — long story short over the course of the week the two actually start to fall in love with each other because Sasori embodies the calm stability that Deidara’s life has always lacked and Deidara radiates the childlike sense of wonder and zest for living that Sasori has lost sight of for too many years, and when it’s time for Sasori to go back home he takes Deidara with him and I’m thinking all this because I wrote a very similar story like this but with slight differences and it was Kylux-themed but I never stopped to consider it would work in SasoDei terms too 🤔
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ladykissingfish · 16 hours ago
Under the Mistletoe with the Akatsuki // Part Nine // Pein (Nagato)
Leader. Never in a million years did Nagato Uzumaki believe he had it in him for be a leader, and especially not one of a group of S-ranked criminals like the ones that comprised his Akatsuki. But perhaps he really wasn’t; after all, save for Konan, none of them had even met him before. All they knew about him was Pein, the body that he animated and controlled through his chakra. Yet despite all he and his group have accomplished, the nagging feeling never leaves him ... that Yahiko would have done a much better job than Nagato. It’s one of the main reasons that Nagato fashioned his main Pein-body after his old friend; to try and infuse some of Yahiko’s wisdom and charisma into his own leadership style. One of the things Yahiko often stressed was the importance of having people around you that you could trust, and depend on. In short - friends. Aside from Konan, Nagato doesn’t truly consider anyone in this organization to be his ‘friend’ ... rather, he’s come to think of the group as a whole of being his family. And apparently families played games with each other, hence why he (as Pein) agrees to this mistletoe game now.
“Good evening, Leader.” Kisame was by far one of the more desirable members that Nagato had strived to bring into his group. Mature, experienced with battle and ninjutsu, and one of the fabled Seven Swordsmen of the Mist. In any given situation, in any conflict between members of the group, Kisame will most often be the voice of reason. Nagato chose to pair him with the young but mature beyond his years Itachi, believing they’d have much to learn from one another, and he was correct. Out of all the duos, theirs was probably the most stable (and certainly the least problematic). Despite being both tall and intimidating, the half-shark had a surprisingly gentle, almost shy nature to him when one caught him in a one on one situation, as was the case now. Kisame walks up to Pein but seems unable to take the initiative, so Pein does so himself. He puts one hand on Kisame’s shoulder, leans up slightly, and kisses his cheek. Kisame blushes and grins, before going back to his room for the evening.
Unbeknownst to the others, aside from Konan, Sasori is the only member of the Akatsuki that knows that Pein isn’t who (or what) he presents himself to be. After all, spending years hidden inside a puppet body gave one a little leeway into seeing into (or perhaps seeing past) others’ true selves. But Sasori understands Nagato’s need to conceal his real body; in fact, he’s even helped him a few times. He’s travelled with Konan before to meet the actual Nagato, when the latter came down with an illness that Konan wasn’t sure how to treat. Sasori used his extensive knowledge of medical procedures to help Nagato, and since then, the two had become good friends. He also gave him valuable advice (again from his own experience of using chakra to control multiple puppets at once) to Nagato in how to more effectively maneuver his Six Paths of Pein bodies during battle, even helping Nagato to tweak them to better control their movements. Sasori shows Nagato (and ultimately, Pein) the same respect that he would a fellow master puppeteer. He approaches Pein now, in his own body. Pein leans down and kisses his cheek, and the two nod at each other before Sasori returns to his own room.
“He murdered his entire clan in one evening.” “Are you sure?” “Well, all but his younger brother. But I’m sure if he ever got the chance —“ Nagato still remembers the conversation he had with Konan, the day before they brought Itachi into the Akatsuki. Nagato had been against it at first, believing that one who could commit such callous atrocities against his own clan and family would no doubt have trouble turning against a group of people that were strangers to him. But Itachi pleasantly surprised Nagato, with how calm, and quiet, and kind he was. He often forgets how young Itachi is, considering he speaks and acts like a man decades older. But still ... there was a sadness that could be felt whenever Itachi was in the room, tangible even to someone who’s “real” body was quite far away, like Nagato’s was. When Itachi comes to him, the Pein body reaches out and pulls the boy into a hug. Itachi seems surprised, but whether out of respect to the leader or because he truly needed it, he lets the embrace happen. The two stand there for longer than seems feasible, until Pein breaks it by gently kissing Itachi’s forehead. Itachi steps back, gives Pein a smile (which turns back the clock even more and makes Itachi seem like a child) and goes back to his room.
Nagato felt real, valid concern when bringing the 15 year old Deidara into his group. Besides being the youngest, besides having that volatile temper and wanton pleasure in causing chaos and destruction ... the kid was beautiful. An odd word for a male, perhaps, but it was the most fitting term for him. In the Akatsuki it was more or less made clear that Konan was off-limits in terms of things like that, but Deidara ... with his long silky hair, big blue eyes, soft skin ... what was to stop one (or possibly ALL) of these older (and likely stronger) members from attempting to — but Nagato was lucky, in that everyone exhibited more self-control than he gave them credit for. And pairing him first with the older Sasori and then with the wily Tobi had seemed to be good choices, as well. One taught him maturity, and the other, patience. Although sometimes — “Oi, Leader ... can you talk to Kakuzu for me?” “For what?” “He won’t let me have an advance on my pay, because he says I’m just going to waste it on ‘my stupid clay’, hm!” “I do not interfere with the financial decisions of my treasurer, Deidara.” “But —“ Pein kisses his forehead and says, quietly, “Learn to exercise restraint when it comes to your artistic endeavors, Deidara.” Deidara grumbles as he walks away, and Pein smiles and shakes his head as he watches him go.
“Pein. No matter what Deidara said to you, you won’t convince me to give him an advance on his pay. That boy is already three weeks into his money, and our budget simply won’t allow —“ “Do not fear, Kakuzu. I don’t intend to step on your toes regarding our finances.” Never in Nagato’s life has he met anybody quite so concerned with money as Kakuzu. He was strict not only with his own money, but every other member’s, as well. While Nagato found this to be a character flaw at first, now, he saw Kakuzu’s thriftiness and frugal tendencies as being a God-send. It was only because of him that they were able to move from hideout to hideout, to put food on the table, to buy clothes and weapons and any number of things that the group needed to survive. But his finance-savvy ways weren’t even the most impressive thing about him; it was the fact that he dealt with Hidan, day in and day out, and had not been driven to madness. The older man walks up to Pein now, lowers his mask, and delivers a light kiss to the cheek. Pein nods and watches as he leaves, noting, as he often did, his cold Kakuzu’s skin is. Nagato can feel it through Pein’s sensors; standing close to Kakuzu is much like standing in front of an open grave. He often felt that he should suggest redesigning Kakuzu’s Akatsuki robe to make it warmer, but Nagato knows that this suggestion would be rapidly rejected.
On the day that it is Pein’s turn under the mistletoe, Zetsu is nowhere to be found. Nagato knows where he is, of course; traveling through the earth at the speed of sound, going to scout out an enemy territory before the Akatsuki makes a move on it. Zetsu and his infiltration skills have helped Nagato countless times in the past, providing valuable intel on targets and mapping out the most problem-free routes for the rest of the group to take on missions. Still, though; there’s something about the plant-man that gave Nagato the slighter touch of unease. Being near Zetsu, even through the barrier of Pein, gave Nagato the feeling of being inches away from a wild animal. Hearing him speak was like listening to a dog that suddenly begins speaking in a human tongue. Nagato is very glad that Pein does not have to kiss this individual, and in fact hopes that his turn will end before Zetsu makes his inevitable return.
Tobi, Tobi, Tobi ... such a confusing young man. Such a surprising young man. Many months ago, the Pein-body walked into Tobi’s room to retrieve him for something, and happened to catch him sleeping. Nagato was curious and made his artificial body approach the side of the bed that Tobi’s face was on ... but all Nagato was met with was darkness. A solid, blurred-out black where the boy’s face should have been. Nagato thought that perhaps something was malfunctioning in the Pein body’s ocular region ... but everything else was clear as a bell. Did Tobi have some kind of exterior defense mechanism set into place that would bar Pein, specifically Pein, from seeing his actual face? And if that was the case, then WHY? What exactly was he hiding?? It made Nagato nervous, but he never let this on to Tobi. “Pein-sama, Pein-sama! Is it Tobi’s turn for a kissy?!” Pein nods and Tobi approaches him, slides his mask halfway off ... and again all Pein can make out is blackness. He can feel his cheek being kissed, but his vision doesn’t return to 100% until Tobi’s mask is fully back in place. “Thanks, Pein-sama!”, Tobi says; and is it Nagato’s imagination or is there a touch of smugness to his voice? Well, regardless, the kid is leaving, and a Nagato can put him out of his mind once more.
“I’ve had to kiss every single one of you fucks, including the old geezer and the orange idiot. Now I’ve gotta slobber with the boss too?? What’s next; are we are jumping into bed and having a group fuck?!” Nagato hadn’t rolled his eyes in many years (and rolling Pein’s eyes would have been an unbecoming gesture for a leader), but hearing Hidan speak always made Nagato want to break this self-imposed rule. With his additional bodies, his Rinnegan, his seemingly unlimited chakra and his fabled Uzumaki clan endurance, Nagato considers himself to be an earthbound God. But then this kid, this foul-mouthed violent crusader, comes into the group speaking about HIS God, Lord Jashin, and flaunting his (admittedly enviable) gift of immortality. From the very beginning, Hidan made it clear that offering sacrifices to his God was his main priority; and the kid wasn’t lying. It’s always been Pein’s (Nagato’s) mandate that as long as one completed their assigned mission, then they would be free to do as the my liked in their spare time. But Hidan’s preferred “hobby” left even someone as war-weary and hardened as Nagato feeling a bit queasy, in the pit of his stomach. “Come, Hidan.” Hidan visibly balks at being given an order; but he’s never love hesitated to obey the Leader. He goes to Pein and, after Pein studies his face, receives a kiss on the nose. The gesture is so light and whimsical that it leaves Hidan blushing and flustered, as evidenced by his leaving without uttering a single swear word.
The kiss between Konan and Pein is ... disappointingly short. Surprising, considering how close the two of them are, and how much Pein seems to care about her. But it’s a very quick forehead peck, and then both Pein and Konan retire to their rooms. The Pein-body shuts down in his own room, but Konan is getting dressed. It’s a somewhat lengthy journey, especially for this time of night, but one Konan is very familiar with. She comes every single day, after all, after everyone else is asleep or preoccupied for the evening. The old cave is so far into the woods, and from the outside seems abandoned, but ... “Nagato? I’m here.” Nagato turns his head and, although he’s happy to see her, can’t help but sigh. “You’re soaking wet.” Konan uses her cloak to wipe her face, telling him it’s not a big deal, just a little drizzle outside... but it is to Nagato. Trapped like this, a prisoner of his body and his hatred and pain ... anybody else would have walked out and left him years ago. But Konan, no matter what, she stayed by his side, and showed him more caring and comfort than Nagato felt he deserved. “I brought you some beef and curry rice tonight,” Konan said, now uncovering a small bowl. “It’s still warm.” She moves into position to feed him, and as she does, she quietly tells him little tidbits about her day. It’s solely through Konan that Nagato has any sense of the outside world at all, or any REAL idea about what the members of the Akatsuki are actually like. And he’s grateful to her. He’s grateful to her for so many — “Konan?” She looks up from where she’d been tidying up. “Yes?” “I’m so sorry.” She stops and looks at him, head tilted. “Sorry? What are you sorry about?” “I’m sorry that you’re not married, I’m sorry that you don’t have children, or a family, I’m sorry that you go from hideout to hideout and village to village and all you see is the same pain we saw when we were kids. And I’m sorry that things are only this way because of me. I couldn’t save Yahiko, and I’m destroying you, and any chance at happiness you could have had. I never meant for things to be this way. I’m —“ but Konan’s arms are around him before he can finish his sentence. “You’re a goddamn idiot,” she mumbles, her voice slightly shaky. “Yahiko dying wasn’t your fault, and my life — my life is full, and despite what you may believe, I’m happy, Nagato. This Akatsuki you’ve created; you’ve done two things. You’re fulfilling Yahiko’s dream, and you’ve given me, US, a family. So stop with this nonsense, okay?” “But I —“, and Konan interrupts him again, this time with a soft kiss on the cheek. Her lips breathe warmth and comfort into his chilled skin. “You’re the most important person on this earth to me, and I love you,” she murmurs as she pulls away, a smile on her face. “But I swear if you don’t cheer up, you’re not getting any of this dessert I made.” A pause, and then, with a smirk reminiscent of the shy boy he once was, “I’ll only cheer up if it’s something I like.” “Strawberry pie.” Nagato gives Konan an even bigger smile, to which she replies “That’s better”; and the two laugh. He feels like a weight has been lifted off of his heart. After dessert, he tries to mentally prepare himself for her leaving again ...but to his surprise she pulls a blanket from her satchel spreading it out neatly along the ground. “You’re staying tonight?” “I’m staying.” “Good. I love you, too, by the way.” “I know.” Before bed she spends a good deal of time gently brushing out his hair, telling him jokes and stories, the same that she used to do with him and Yahiko when they were all children, during those many long, cold nights when hunger or anxiety kept them awake. Neither is present now, but the goodness of the feeling remains the same. After awhile they both fall asleep, and for once their dreams are calm and peaceful.
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deidaratheartboi · 21 hours ago
Milk Before Cereal
Akatsuki Group Chat Basically for awhile they have been arguing about milk before cereal or cereal before milk and ither things like that. Hidan: OK PEOPLE WE NEED TO RESOLVES THIS ARGUMENT NOW. Kakuzu: IT'S NOT OUR FAULT YOUR A WEIRDO WHO TF PUT MILK BEFORE CEREAL HIDAN: ME I DO! Konan: Please boys don't shout. Kakuzu: YOU PUT THE CEREAL FIRST SO IT GETS MOIST Hidan: FOR FUCKS SAKE NO! YOU CAN DO THAT PUTTING THE MILK BEFORE. Kakuzu: BUT, THE CEREAL WILL FLOAT THEREFORE NOT MAKING IT THE PERFECT BOWL OF CEREAL. Hidan: OH AND PUTTING CEREAL FIRST MAKES SENSE.IT STILL FUCKING FLOATS Hidan: PUTTING MILK FIRST MAKES THE CEREAL CRUNCHIER Kakuzu: BUT SOGGY CEREAL IS THE BEST WTF U MEAN Hidan: YOU MAKE NO SENSE Kakuzu: WHAT IF YOU POUR TOO MUCH MILK INTO THE BOWL AND THE MILK OUTWEIGHS THE CEREAL Hidan: IT'S THE SAME THING VICE VERSA Kakuzu: FUUUUUCCCCKKK Kakuzu: AT LEAST YOU KNOW HOW MUCH CEREAL YOU WANT AND THE PERFECT AMOUNT OF MILK TO POUR AFTER Hidan: BUT, WHAT IF YOU DON'T PUT ENOUGH Kakuzu: THEN POUR SOME MORE YOU FUCKING MORON Hidan: AND ANOTHER THING WHO TF WETS THEIR TOOTHBURSH BEFORE BRUSHING THEIR TEETH Itachi: Goddamnit can you two stfu Kisame: Yeah we're playing cards Hidan: Milk before cereal or cereal before milk? Itachi: Milk before cereal Kisame: Same Kakuzu: Weirdos Hidan: HAH Deidara: Meh I prefer cerceal before milk make it soggy hah Sasori: I have to agree Kakuzu: And, to answer you question Hidan it's to keep it moist dry toothpastes feels weird. Hidan: Wtf is the difference your spit will moisten it. Kakuzu: Brushing your teech is like s*x you don't wanna go in dry. Hidan: Brrruuuuhhh Deidara: TMI!TMI! Itachi: Fuck this Itachi has gone offline. Kisame has gone offline. Sasori: Which is better hand sanitizer or soap? Deidara: Soup Kakuzu: Soup Hidan: Hand Sanitizer Kakuzu: Bruh how Hidan: No one wants to dry their damn hands off after doing their business. Kakuzu: Touche Kakuzu: Wait Deidara how you you clea your hands? They have mouths. Deidara: I can close them or just use a wipe Sasori: Weird Deidara: Stfu Zetsu: Sips tea Hidan: Bruh Kakuzu: But, can we all agree tangerines suck? Hidan: The fuck you didn't Saori: You monster Itachi has went online Kisame has went online Itachi: I heard someone doesn't like tangerines Kisame: Tea Kakuzu: Damn you guys really gotta do me li- Tobi: HOW COULD YOU KAKUZU? Kakuzu has gone offline. Hidan: I saw we make fun of him for the rest of the day for not liking them. Deidara: Do you guys actally like them? Itachi: Nope they're nasty af Sasori: Agreed Tobi: But, I- Deidara: No one cares Tobi. Everyone has gone offline. --------------------------------------------- Idk about you guys but, I love them
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deidaratheartboi · 21 hours ago
A New Members?
Akatsuki Group Chat (Kakuzu POV) Everyone is online Boss: Today everyone we have a new member joining us. Ticking Bomb: Ohhhhh really? Another person to showcase my art to. Poopet: No one wants to see your "art" Ticking Bomb: Shut up your just jealous my art is superior to yours. Poopet: Superior? Tch if you say so brat Ticking Bomb: I do say so and another thi- Boss: Enough. We must greet the new member. Kakuzu: What is their name? Boss: Well there are two joining us one named Rix and the other named Riec. Kakuzu: Are they siblings? Boss: Yes Kys: Well well well this should be fun Kakuzu: Don't do anything Hidan Kys: I won't :) Zetsu: Don't scare them away Konan: If you do you will suffer the consequences Kisame: They sound interesting Uchihoe: Yes but, let's wait and see. Pain has added Ric and Riec to the chat. Kys: Do you like to kill fast or slowly? And would you be interested in joining the Jashinist? Pain has kicked Kys. Pain: Welcome to the Akatsuki ignore him he is a bit off. Rix: Um hi Riec: Hello Konan: Why don't you give us a short introduction? Rix: My name is Rix, I'm 25 I like art, games, reading, and cleaning. Riec: My name is Riec, I'm 21 I like exploring cultures, money, and doing artsy things. Kakuzu: I like Riec Ticking Bomb: If they like art they're in Poopet: It's not your call Ticking Bomb: And? Poopet: Sigh Rix: Nice to meet you all as well Pain: I'll give you two time to get to know them I will go get your cloaks. Boss has gone offline. Rix: Soooooo Ticking Bomb: What kind of art do you like Rix? Rix: Any Riec: Yeah art in general is amazing Poopet: Then answer this is art forever or transient? Riec: Forever Rix: I think it's whatever the artist makes ot to be. It can last forever or just last in the mere moment. Art is the artist expressing their emotions, values, etc. Art can be anything you want it to be. Ticking Bomb: Never thought of it that way Poopet: So it's forever Ticking Bomb: Stfu Sasori Kakuzu: Yeah yeah art is nice and all but, it doesn't bring in money. Money is the only thing you can trust in this world. Ticking Bomb: Says you Kakuzu: Shut up Riec: So money is the only thing you can count on huh? Kakuzu: Yes Rice: Well what about when it all runs out? Kakuzu: I have a stash Kys has added himself back into the chat. Kys: Had a stash Kakuzu: WHAT DID YOU DO? Kys: Might wanna check under the picture Kakuzu: I'm gonna kill you Kakuzu has gone offline. Kys: Finally he's gone now I can talk to the newbies. Kys: So Rice you like exploring cultures huh? Riec: Yes do you have one of interest? Kys: Not exactly but, it's a religion want me to tell you about it? Konan has kicked kys. Konan: Don't listen to him Boss has went online. Boss: Riec and Rix I have your cloaks come down to the hideout to get them. Rix: Will do Riec: It was nice meeting you guys byyyyeee Kakuzk: Hmph Ticking Bomb: See ya fellow artist Poopet: Eye roll -------------------------------------------------
Later That Same Day Private Group Chat Tobi: Has anyone seen Rix or Riec? Paper Lady: Who are you talking about? Tobi: The new members? Fungi: There are no new members Tobi: But, they were real I saw them. Deidara-Senpai: Oi I think he hit his head too hard. Tobi: What do you mean? Kingpein: You were out on a mission with Deidara and you were fighting people from the Sound Village you hit your head on a rock from one of their blows. Deidara-Senpai: You were out for several hours Tobi:Huh? I don't remember Paper Lady: Get some rest and it might come back to you. Tobi: Ok Boss Lady ------------------------------------------------- Private Group Chat (Everyone but, Tobi) Pain: They are gone right? Konan: Yes Pain: Good Hidan: Who knew they were spies heh. Kakuzu: Why did we hide it from Tobi exactly? Pain: You know his cat right? Well it went missing they found it and somehow traced it back to the cave. They conveniently were spies from the Leaf Village. Deidara: What does this have to do with a cat? Pain: They killed it Deidara: I thought Sasori gave him the cat Itachi: Oi it was a fake another whole cat Kisame: Must have token them weeks to trace and find us Pain: No one tell this to Tobi Zetsu: You got it Deidara: Aye Kakuzu: How are we gonna explain to Tobi about his cat? Pain: I'll figure it out ------------------------------------------------- Interesting ending.
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deidaratheartboi · 22 hours ago
Father's Day Special
I know I am late with this forgive me Akatsuki Group Chat (Itachi POV) Everyone has went online Tobi: HAPPY FATHER'S DAY Konan: Ok but, is anyone here a father? Kisame: I mean I have little sha- Itachi: No one wants to hear about your shark friends Kisame: :c Hidan: I don't get the point of this day like why? Kakuzu: Suppose it's a day for you to tell your father how much you are grateful for him. Hidan: But, why? Kakuzu: Not doing this today Deidara: I am a father Tobi: I didn't know you had kids senpai Deidara: Not actual kids dumbass my clay bombs duuhh Tobi: Ohhhhhh Zetsu: But, how are they gonna tell you happy father's day? Deidara: By blowing up stuff duhhh Itachi: That's not how it works Pain: Regardless of the day we are still working Itachi: What about Halloween and Christmas? Pain: You can take those days off I suppose Sasori: Hmph father's day we're all single and have no kids Deidara: Not a suprise you are danna Sasori: Oi shut up Itachi: My father is dead. Zetsu: Way to kill the mood Itachi Itachi: We are talking about father's Kisame: Imagine killing your parents Itachi: You're next Kisame: I think I hear my shark friends calling me. Kisame has gone offline. Itachi has gone offline. Tobi: Well I'm gonna tell my dad Happy Father's Day! Deidara: You have a dad? Tobi: Mhm Deidara: Who is he? Tobi: Happy Father's Day Pain!!! Pain:.... Thank you Tobi Konan: No comment Hidan: HIOHQDIQDHQIHOQHIFOQF)(HF) Kakuzu: I get you don't know much but, don't type random fucking letters Hidan: Fuck off Zetsu: Calm down Oraochimaru has joined the chat. Oroachimaru: Hello there Pain has kicked Oroachimaru Pain: Anyways we should get ready for our mission let's go Everyone has gone offline. Happy Late Father's Day see ya soon
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ladykissingfish · a day ago
*Deidara and Sasori, having a series of pictures taken of them by automatic camera*
Deidara: *puts his arm around Sasori; Sasori doesn’t move*
Deidara: *makes rabbit ears behind Sasori; Sasori doesn’t move*
Deidara: Geez, Danna ... can you lighten up a little, or smile, or something?? You’re so stiff, hm!
Sasori: Interesting that you choose to complain now, considering last night you were begging me to give you something “stiff”.
Final Picture: *Deidara’s face completely red and jaw hanging open as Sasori hugs him and laughs*
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o-tired-o · a day ago
What Alcohol the Akatsuki members would drink
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A/N: It’s late and I can’t sleep - yeah that is all that is to it. Please let me know if you’d like me to do this for other Naruto characters too
Wordcount: 1.1k
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A man with class - he would drink expensive vodka
not a casual drinker - like he doesn’t drink often, he normally just drinks on special occasions, but when he drinks it’s some high-class shit
I feel like he likes strong liquors and everyone thinks it’s because he wants to show off, but he genuinely likes the taste of the alcohol
He’s really hard to make him drunk and if he catches you trying to get him drunk may jashin help you
If he does get drunk once in a blue moon - he’ll be very sleepy and emotional. Konan will probably bring him home before he embarrasses himself
Unlike Pein, she is a casual drinker
she pretty much just drinks white wine at night or make herself what in Austria is called weiß-Sauer (white wine with fizzy water)
I feel like she’d do like a small self-care routine or work on an origami project and always have a glass of white wine with her
If there is a special occasion Konan will drink sake, red wine or pine tree schnapps (a strong liquor that is often made of mostly fruits or other things you can find in the woods - pine tree schnaps has a very refreshing and nice smell)
Konan will get very clingy to the nearest person to her when she gets drunk
either drinks something very nice and expensive or something cheap as hell because he doesn’t want to spend his money
he doesn’t drink often, but still more than Pein
like I’m talking he is either somewhere drinking cheap flirt vodka or Nikka whiskey with a big aesthetic ice cube in his glass
Imagine hair down, Kakuzu in a suit and a glass of nice whiskey in his hand, sitting with some other rich head hunters and people making the bounty bingo books talking business - that’s all I need to say
He’ll drink cheap flirt vodka with Hidan when they are hanging somewhere
Kakuzu becomes this depressed guy at the bar when he’s drunk - like even Hidan feels bad and brings him home if he’s still sober which is very unlikely
Hidan drinks a few things
beer for casual drinking, red wine, different types of liquors
AND RAKIA - as a proud person from the Balkan I know he’d be the guy who drinks this (= anyone who knows what this is you are either very cultured or from the Balkan both of which make me like you)
Hidan is a mess - he probably got shitfaced on his 20th birthday
Unlike Pain, Hidan does drink liquor to show off which normally ends in Kakuzu having to take care of him and his hangover in the morning
Hidan is screaming and laughing like crazy when he’s drunk and normally gets kicked out of the place he’s in
Deidara (aged up to 20):
he’s also a wine, rosé and champagne person, but can’t handle a lot of strong liquors
he buys the alcohol for the cool looking bottles - you have him hooked if there is abstract art on the sticker or bottle
He loves craft beer - yes, yes it’s because of the pretty bottles too
Deidara started out drinking a lot soon after his birthday and now he’s toned it down - he doesn’t have much time to drink because of his art and he’s way too scared to keep a glass on his working desk to not spill it on his art
He will drink one small glass of schnapps on special occasions, but drinking more than that will leave him in bed with a headache and photos of him and Hidan doing questionable things that he can’t remember
If he does get drunk he’ll start doing really funny things - like singing at the top of his lungs with the other drunks or have a heated argument with a crow outside
He drinks everything, but he has to have class
Sasori is another person who doesn’t care for drinking, like his leader he likes drinking high-quality alcohol
He loves craft beer like Deidara, they buy them together and even here they fight about the bottle’s designs
He can’t get drunk - one perk of having a puppet body I guess
Look at him and tell me he doesn’t give you wine mom vibes
He is a casual drinker of red wine - he’d do his work and always have a glass of wine at night while he’s doing boring paperwork at his desk
On special occasions he still keeps it simple and drinks sake - it’s rare for him to drink strong liquors because he doesn’t really like their taste
Itachi becomes VERY philosophical when he gets drunk, way more than usual - like full-on questioning life’s meaning and the philosophy behind why that fly has been banging its head against that window for over a minute now
Mostly drinks beer or a flying Hirsch cocktail (Jägermeister and Redbull), but has some whiskey on some fancy occasion
He loves casually drinking beer and he probably has the most alcohol tolerance out of everyone in the Akatsuki
He often drinks with Itachi and relaxes with him - not a big fan of parties or fancy stuff
But if he is in a formal situation he’ll let himself get a glass of nice whiskey
Kisame pulls out some weird-ass shark facts when he’s drunk: “Sharks have a biting kink *hiccup*” “Kisame, you ok?” “They do that while mating *hiccup* it’s like a bloodlust-filled fight of DETERMINATION!” “(ಠ_ಠ)”
Casual liquor drinker
He gets very close to Kisame with his alcohol tolerance
Has questionable knowledge about different cocktails mixes that no one knows where he knows them from, but hey - at least they taste good
Let jashin help Deidara if Tobi/ Obito gets drunk - he gets very hyper and not even pretending, hell be the loudest person in a 10km (6.2 miles) radius
Doesn't drink unless he’s somewhere fancy and only does it for the others
He’ll drink anything and honestly doesn’t really care what he’s given
That said his alcohol tolerance is pretty low and it doesn’t take much for him to get drunk
When he does get drunk white Zetsu gets emotional and black Zetsu gets mad at white Zetsu - they are a mess of anger and tears and someone needs to gently guide him to bed before someone gets killed
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mikamikenshin · a day ago
Rasa talking to shukaku,lady chiyo,ebizo, baki and others:Know your place.
Rasa talking to Third Kazekage:Yes Sir.
Rasa talking to Karura,Yashamaru,Pakura and Sasori:What's the plan for the trip?
Rasa talking to Temari,Kankuro and Gaara: Let them know that the royal blood flows in your veins.
Rasa talking to Shikadai and Shinki:You don't have the right to hold back in any condition and at any cost.
Rasa talking to Shikamaru:The genius who has the spirit made of gold is always superior to the one who has laziness of that of a koala's.
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ladykissingfish · a day ago
Sasori, working at his desk: I don’t need to go to sleep yet, I’m fine, not tired at all.
Deidara: But I need you to come cuddle my warm, smooth, naked body for eight full, uninterrupted hours, Danna, hm!
Sasori: ... are you trying to seduce me into a healthy sleeping pattern?
Deidara: Is it working?
Sasori, climbing into bed: Looks like it, dear.
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misfitmccoward · a day ago
modern au sasosaku is just sasori living off his rich surgeon wife’s salary while making absolutely BIZARRE sculptures he refuses to sell. also he refuses to take commissions. sakura has just accepted their house is going to be filled with weird nightmare fuel art
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kentaroemiya · a day ago
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Stinger’s Smile in the Cold
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itsagoldenworld · 2 days ago
lol. i first ship Sakura with Madara. And then with Sasuke. And then with Sasori. (Tobirama, Hashirama as well, basically the founders). I circled on with those ships for the past couple months… until something new came so fast.
And yesterday, I now ship Sakura with Itachi, Shisui.
AND just TODAY, i ship her with Minato! whattt the fuck is wrong with my brain!?
idk if i should be proud or not XD
road to Sakura x Kakashi? It's coming, i can feel it. i bet i will support that ship by tomorrow. Jeez, calm myself down, will I??
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deadbyakatsuki · 2 days ago
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Model credits:
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sethmmdakatsuki · 2 days ago
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