#trauma and journal entries

[small-but-mightyy]

#tw dark thoughts #abuse mention #why I can’t tell #the difference between love and hate #poetry #my poem #short poem #sad poem #dark poetry #mental health #trauma #interpersonal trauma #childhood trauma #journal entry

[gloomypixiie]

#childhood trauma #journal entry #trauma #art blog #emo #emo goth #depression #sad #sad art #bipolar #cptsd #bpd #actually bpd #manic depressive #digital illustration #original art #neurodiverse artist #lgbt #child abuse #inner child #child neglect #emotional abuse #abuse survivor #self healing #art journal #journal #journal enteries #online diary #visual diary #photography

[mind-of-mud]

I wish I had taken pictures. I wish I had saved the videos. I wish I didn’t destroy everything I had back then, everything that would’ve showed me who I was and what roads I’ve traveled.

I don’t remember the past all that well. I don’t remember yesterday all that well either. I think that maybe it’s better this way. But I wish I had the pictures, just to show me that it was real. I wish I had the videos so that I could stop forgetting their voices. I suppose I wish I had a lot of things.

I don’t miss my past. I can’t imagine missing my past. It was a vile place for a child. It was violent and terrifying. It has never been a refuge. But I do miss my memories. I wish I could see what teenage me saw as they walked Hollywood Boulevard alone in the middle of the night. And I wish I could hear what teenage me heard as they were being thrashed around a garage show mosh pit. But most of all, I wish I could feel what it felt like to be someone that wasn’t me.

#journaling #diary entry #digital diary #actually mentally ill #bullet journal #creative writing #dear diary #journal entry #mental health #online diary #memories #memory loss #request #childhood #childhood trauma #girlhood #punk #california #hollywood

[traumatizeddfox]

#traumacore #actuallytraumatized #vent art #trauma art #actuallymentallyill #fox poetry #venting #vent journal entry #ventcore #actuallybpd

[theblogofinsanity]

Here goes nothing... Or something. Maybe this is a little more than nothing.

NOTE:

Hello and thanks everyone :)

I honestly didn't expect anyone to follow me, much less read my blog.

It brings a smile to my face and makes me feel less alone knowing that others can relate to my ramblings. (End note).

Starting a blog is something that I've always wanted to do. It's also something I've been afraid to do.

I always enjoyed writing. And from the moment I was literate enough to write simple sentences, I kept various journals that I would write in nearly every day. But that all came to an abrupt end in my teenage years. Around the age of 16 I was called into my mother's room and confronted in some type of strange intervention. She had read EVERYTHING. My thoughts, my dreams, my hopes, my wishes. All of it had been read and analyzed by my mother who seemed very concerned that I wasn't exactly enjoying life in a religiously abusive household.

That "intervention" and the subsequent fallout was enough to make me completely lose any interest in writing.

The privacy of one's thoughts is sacred. And I felt that had been taken from me. I felt so vulnerable. As if I had been stripped naked in public. A cornucopia of deeply personal information was now public. It may as well have been on a billboard next to the freeway.

So, until recently, I never wrote. Now, in my mid 30s, a divorced single parent, I finally feel comfortable writing again. Albeit, anonymously.

Although I may not be the best writer or have the most interesting things to say, I want to give back to the blogging community by actively participating in it.

One of my favorite things to do through my teens and early 20s was to read the blogs of complete strangers. I learned about people, I learned about myself, discovered new genres of music to listen to, learned about new websites and online games, and was able to live vicariously through others who were brave enough to share their personal lives with the world.

EDIT: If you happen to deduce my identity through the information found in these entries, please keep that discovery to yourself. This is obviously very personal and somewhat damning information.

If you happen upon this blog, read away. Just don't tell me or anyone else about it.

Thank you :)

EDIT: I forgot to mention, I write while drinking/under the influence sometimes. So if you happen to read something and say "what the fuck?", it's probably safe to assume that I'm in the process of drowning my blues away.

#journal #diary entry #religious trauma #writing #first post

[stalekisses]

Another sneak peek into my graphic novel. This is journal entry I wrote when I was 16 ( I started college at 14)

#quotes #poetry #journal #journal entry #graphic novel #quoteoftheday #drawing #childhood #childhood trauma #emotional neglect #emotional abuse

[sincerely-angel1]

You’re a footnote in my book, while I’m a chapter in yours.

#im tired #i need a friend #diary entry #journal #relatable #dear diary #i need to write #my diary #vent #digital diary #real #real life #quotes #quoteoftheday #life quote #book quotes #trauma #woah

[traumatizedjaguar]

My journal entries from when I was a little kid:

“I hate myself/im a bad person/i ruin everything/I can’t forgive myself for all the shit I’ve done/im an unforgivable person/fuck my life/I hate everything and everyone/i deserve to die/the world would be better off without me/humanity is inherently evil/i deserved what they put me through.”

My journal entries now:

*coping mechanisms* *online therapy workbooks* *how well my day went and all the positive things* *self love* *keeping track of moods, meds, anxiety, etc* *using my entries to read back on and self reflect* *thinking logically about who I am instead of what my abusers instilled in me*

#my text #journal entries #journal entry #trauma core #diary entry #self love #self forgiveness

[paradoxical-plutonian]

"How many people are there inside of me, screaming at the top of their lungs for their voices to be heard? I wrap my arms around this frail body and can’t help but shake as these long-lost echoes of torment overflow, threatening my capacity to hold on."

-January 8, 2024

#journal entry #mine #personal #prose poetry #journal entries #my journal entries #scorpio moon #chiron in scorpio #scorpio rising #scorpio moon conjunct pluto #moon pluto aspects #moon pluto #moon conjunct pluto #hades moon #sun square pluto #paradoxical plutonian #past life trauma #transmutation #trauma healing

[v333rbatim]

thinking about that one ethel cain ask about religion and queerness and coming to terms with the notion that it was never my queerness vs religion and that it was my queerness vs organised religion. it was my identity vs a congregation of individuals who used the guise of christianity to condemn my existence. my existence isn’t something which can be diminished by something bigger than myself otherwise i wouldn’t exist this way. idk i have more thoughts but i’ve never been good at articulating my thoughts. maybe one day i’ll talk about it more. maybe one day i’ll let myself believe again.

#girlblogger #spirituality #ethel cain #religion #religious trauma #growing up religious #journal entry #diary entry #on religion #on queerness #religious queer #queer religion #if it’s meant to be it will be #spiritual awakening #philosophy #hanicore

[escapingrealitywithmatchalatte]

A poem that hits me to the core >>>

disclaimer: words are not mine

#escapingrealitywithmatchalatte #writingprompts #writings #journal #journal entry #romantic academia #dark academia #bookboost #books & libraries #book dragon #bookish #lover taylor swift #literature #poetry aesthetic #poetry #daughter #family trauma

[riversrawblog]

Intrusive Memories

When I let my mind wonder there’s a loop of memories that play. Not some happy childhood memories with laughter and squeals. Not some huge defining life moment. Instead it’s a bunch of small time stamps of my anxiety. A constant humiliation playlist. Therapy and medications it doesn’t make it go away. I’m five and I feel a sharp pain and warmness down my legs. The red tumble mat below me houses a puddle that’s pulling at my feet. I just peed my pants because I was too nervous to ask to go to the bathroom. I’m seven in second grade reading out loud in groups of two with my best friend and my teacher yells at me for using my “outside voice” my friend reassures me it’s okay it’s just how I talk but I’ll never speak up again. I’m eight I’m at a birthday party. We all gather around in the living room with plates of hotdogs. On my plate sits half a hot dog with some ketchup. I’m done eating but I just sit there. I sit there until my mom comes to get me because I didn’t know where the trash can was and I didn’t want to ask. It’s every time I went hunger because I couldn’t ask for a snack, every time I said no thank you when I desperately needed something. I want to remember something better, I want to see some smiles I want to hear some laughs. Instead I’m nine in my soccer jersey. I can’t breathe through the snot and tears because it’s picture day and I can’t do it. I’m getting yelled at because I can’t do it. I’m ten sitting in a basket reading a book through tears. I’m grounded because I can’t talk to the therapist. I’m getting screamed at being told it’s all in my head and I need to talk to this lady. The problem is it was in my head, anxiety so extreme I threw up everyday before school. I so desperately wanted to be normal.

-River

#diary #dear diary #open diary #diary entry #drug abuse #raw truth #dear journal #flash fiction #anxienty #ocd #childhood #trauma #letting go #intrusive thoughts #intrusive thinking #love #tw drugs #teenage years #friends #open letter #forgive yourself #lovers #self reflection #sex and drugs #toxic love

[oddandmacabre]

11/7/23

Remembering a childhood that you have forgotten is definitely a weird experience.

I never knew how much I was mistreated until I moved out of a toxic childhood home and in with my now fiance. How things I thought was "normal" to be done to a child; was actually abusive.

Has anyone else had this experience?

#childhood trauma #journal #diary entry #healing

[ahaura]

ok so like. i had a doctors appt coming up and i never got the labs i was supposed to and was planning about lying about it to my doctor but then i remembered that i'm an adult and i don't have to do that and also by the power of being grownup and also with technology i can reschedule my appointments without having to explain myself. so rescheduled for december so i can get my labs done and feel pretty good about it.

#hvaña #also for unrelated reasons i spent 2 hours sobbing last night while writing a journal entry about my mom. #there's no way all of it is because of my mom but it felt like it needed to happen and im ok now 👍 #i don't think it was a breakdown i think it was liek. idk. letting some pressure out. idk. #i'm tired but i feel ok today 🫡 #TO BE CLEAR me and my mom are good it's just the history and generational trauma of it all.

[gloomypixiie]

@pastelpixi

#aesthetic art #art journal #original art #bpd #grunge #deep thoughts #childhood trauma #journal entry #emo #vent #sketchbook #sketch #depressing poem #depression quote #depressed #depression #anxiety #bipolar #sad thoughts #sad poetry #sad #trauma #abuse #broken #mental illness #mental health #sh #tw shelf harm #therapy #poem

[sionwritingco19]

my 25th birthday is looming, there IS excitement, but also this…sadness. a sadness as heavy as the struggles i’m carrying right now.

i’m tired of fighting the same battles with addiction and codependency. its like this anchor, dragging me down, keeping me from reaching the surface, from reaching my full potential. i see glimpses of who i could be, this strong, capable person with dreams and goals. but then the struggle pulls me back, and sometimes being high is all i can do to keep my head above water.

today it feels especially suffocating. i’m angry too. angry at the way these things hold me back, steal my time and energy. angry at myself for letting them have this much power over me.

but under all the anger and sadness, there's a flicker of hope. maybe because putting it into words, here on this page, makes it feel a little less overwhelming. maybe because i know admitting it is always the first step, a crack in the armor.

i don't know what the future holds, but i can't keep doing this. i deserve better. i want to be better.

this sadness can be a turning point. maybe it can fuel a fire, a determination to break free and finally reach for that person i know i can be.

at least I got it out. ar least it's written down. and that, for now, feels like a small victory.

#journaling #lifestyle #mental health #aesthetic #girlhood #girlblogger #girlblogging #coquette #nostaliga #soft #poetry #writer #writing #journal entry #diary #abuse survivor #trauma healing #codependency #addiction