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ddaengyoonmin · 3 years

Text

Pairing: Single dad / childhood best friend!Jungkook x Reader

Genre: !!ANGST!!, smut.

Word count: 7.1k

Warnings:(issa dark oneee) Mentions of abuse, abusive parent, underage drinking and drug use, Jungkook is an ass, lots of descriptions of smoke and cigarettes in an unhealthy way. Mentions of vomiting. Toxic behaviors in general; Rough play; handjob; edging; Sub!Jungkook; Dom!Reader; choking; biting; overstimulation; slight mentions of blood; just all around physical and emotional pain definitely not #goals.

a/n: definitely cried a bit writing this. This story ended up becoming super important to me and something I think I’ve been holding in for a while. A lot of this story is based on my own life and personal experiences, which is why the first part is a highschool backstory. Absolutely nothing sexual happens until they are both adults, the first part of the story was just a necessary cathartic therapy moment for me to get out :_)

(Also I tried to make this a gender neutral insert, but this is my first time doing that so kindly let me know if there's anything I can do to improve on that!)

Song inspiration: Kathleen- Catfish and the Bottlemen; Rango- Catfish and the Bottlemen; Anything-Catfish and the Bottlemen

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He was completely insane. It never made you like him any less though.

When you’d first heard Jungkook was back in town you had so many different emotions running through you, you thought you’d faint at the feeling.

------

When you were still in highschool, he had been your closest friend. You spent practically every day after school with Jungkook, smoking in your car, driving around through cemeteries laughing about something funny one of your teachers had said, or the security guard who’d tried to chase you down the halls for skipping 2nd hour earlier in the day. There never seemed to be a dull moment when he was around.

When you’d first met him, insane and reckless were never words that would’ve come into your mind.

He was a grade younger than you and had seemed to fly mostly under your radar through all your highschool years. It wasn’t until the second half of your Junior year that you'd even noticed he existed.

You’d shown up to the first day of track practice the way you always had, scanning over the new freshman on the team. You’d mistaken him for a freshman and greeted him as such. He nervously and shyly corrected you that he was actually a Sophomore just searching around for something new to try out.

About half way through the practice you noticed a group of your teammates had swarmed around Jungkook and he looked to be almost in tears as he cowered under their words and faces, looking up at them all.

He was a small child, not very muscular and extremely geeky looking. You found it endearing though, and found the classmates picking on him infuriating.

You stormed across the track over to where they stood demanding to know their problem, they all were also a grade younger than you and seemed to be intimidated by you. How could they not be with the star of the track team chewing them out like they were being condemned to hell.

After they left, two big saucer eyes stared up at you, tears still slightly pooled up in his lower lid, he wiped them off with the back of his hand.

“Thank you.” He sniffled. He explained that everyone in his grade always picked on him like that. He didn’t really have any friends, and everyone seemed to think of him as the weird kid.

After that day the two of you were inseparable.

You went to the city fair together on the last day of school that year, and that was the first time it happened.

You were supposed to be at a school sanctioned celebration, you’d told your mom that's where you’d be.

But here you were sitting in your car with Jungkook before going to the fair, the two of you giggling as he messily tried to roll a joint, swearing that his older brother had taught him how.

You felt yourself bleeding guilt for lying to your parents. But, how could anything that sweet Jungkook convinced you to do be bad?

Stoned out of your mind the two of you ran hand in hand around the fair, giggling and riding your favorite rides too many times. That was the first time you realized, he was truly your best friend.

That summer had you pulling a 180 on everything you’d ever thought you were capable of.

Before you knew it, you were sneaking out of your house multiple times a week to drive around with Jungkook and smoke, listening to music and feeling free.

———

It was now the middle of summer. You were sitting in your car while Jungkook was filling up gas for you.

Two girls and a man approached Jungkook and started chatting. You found that odd, but then again, Jungkook had a habit of getting into conversations with strangers everywhere you went.

You never really noticed it til then, but at some point, he had really changed from the boy you met. He was more outgoing, he was dressing better…

A tap on your window surprised you.

“Hey y/n! These guys are throwing a party at their place, let's just park your car here and go! They said just hop in!”

You felt your jaw drop a bit as you opened your mouth to protest. But he was staring back at you so excited, so hopeful that you’ll join him. You agreed, against all better judgement and that sick feeling in your stomach that you shouldn’t be getting into a car with strangers.

Jungkook whispered in your ear as the two of you walked to your car. “I told them we were 22” He chuckled. Your heart dropped a bit, more sick feelings coming on.

“Okay.” You managed to nod and agree somehow. Jungkook excitedly opened the door to their backseat, as if he did this kind of thing all the time.

You were both lucky, the strangers were not murderers, though there was no party, just them and some beer and a hookah in a messy apartment living room.

None of it felt right, it didn’t really feel like a fun time. Jungkook though seemed to think he was at the party of the century. He chugged the beer they gave him in no time and was up messing with their stereo trying to get on some “PARTY MUSIC” he screamed out.

In no time at all that firecracker of a boy was wasted and trying to dance up on their table.

It wasn’t long before the apartment owners realized their mistake, this child was completely off the rails drunk. One of them tried to bring him down from the table and he somehow managed to kick their glass hookah entirely across the room.

There was a still silence as you all looked at the shattered glass on the ground. You had your hand clasped over your mouth looking from the glass to Jungkook.

Jungkook’s eyes were wide at you, the smile that grew on his face seemed ill fitting for the moment, as the apartment owners were obviously furious.

“Run!” Jungkook screamed out in a laugh, rushing over to you and grabbing you tightly by your wrist and pulling you out the front door.

Then the two of you ran, you just kept running down the street till your lungs gave out and you collapsed on the ground on a grassy patch in front of a gas station.

Jungkook’s chest was heaving but he still managed a loud laugh, his eyes crinkling as he held his stomach, rolling over onto his side.

“Jungkook. That was insane…” You gasped out.

“That was fun.” he chuckled, seeming to be unphased by it all with a casual smile, rolling back onto his back and staring up at the sky.

And that was the moment you realized how crazy he was.

After that, things like this were common with Jungkook. You were his protector at school and his partner in mischief and crime.

The two of you ended up both quitting track together, against your parent’s scolding and the coaches yelling about losing one of their star runners.

You knew you wouldn’t be a star that year though, with all the smoking you’d been doing and you’d skipped out completely on practicing throughout the summer. It just seemed pointless. And you wanted more time with Jungkook before you had to leave…

———

You found yourself getting in increasingly more dangerous situations. He’d have you take him to parties at nearby university dorms, he refused to learn to drive, part of you felt like it was just because he liked you driving him around.

He always lied about his age, that never sat right with you.

Sometimes you found yourself gripping both hands on a beer bottle so tightly you thought your fingers might snap while he was getting talked to by every person that walked by. People loved him at first glance every time you went out together. But they didn’t know him.

They didn’t get to see his real chaos, they never learned the lies he told them, they’d never be able to understand him. Not like you thought you knew him.

You knew things weren’t good at home for Jungkook. He had an older brother he was close with named Jin, and a young sister named Jill, both very lovely, but his dad was a real piece of work. In the whole time you’d been friends with Jungkook you’d only been to his house twice, he avoided ever taking you there if he could.

You found out why when one of the times Jungkook had thought it’d be safe to bring you over for a moment, his dad got home from work early.

“What’s this shit.” His dad had grumbled at Jungkook, pointing to the light eyeliner he had around his eyes. Jungkook had recently started to wear makeup, he did a good job of making it look natural, but today he’d gone a little heavy on the eyeliner.

“Nothing.” Jungkook muttered, turning his back to his dad.

Apparently that was the wrong move, and all you could do was stand there, frozen.

Jungkook and you have never talked about that day. But it was traumatic for you both. You held him close that night as he cried in your arms, sitting in the parking lot of your favorite park to smoke in.

His eye now even more black than it had been with just the eyeliner, which was now smudged across his face due to his tears.

You vowed to never let anyone hurt him ever again. No matter what.

---------

Months later Jungkook was taking pictures of you, for your senior pictures. Talking about how you’d be gone next year but you’d still stay in touch. Graduation was hanging over you like a dark cloud. You didn’t want things to change between you and Jungkook.

As much trouble as you’d gotten in, as much as your grades had dropped this year, as much as your parents gave him judgemental looks any time he was around, you loved him so much.

---------

It was the last month of school.

He was gone.

Somehow his father had managed to get your phone number and you were hearing an entire vocabulary of cuss words.

“I know you’re hiding him from me. Where the fuck is he?’ the man growled on the other end of the phone.

You wish you knew.

But he just didn’t show up to school that day.

He didn’t text you like he always did to say that he was ready to be picked up.

No voicemail.

Not a word.

And now even his dad was calling you. The worry that you felt had you not paying attention to one word of your classes all day.

And the next day.

And the rest of the week.

Until next monday. He was just...there.

“What the fuck Jungkook!” You punched him in the shoulder. He looked like a mess, his hair hadn’t been cut or washed in a while, and he looked like he was wearing the remnants of makeup from a few days ago.

He chuckled “I decided to just hop a train out of town for a while” He shrugged “fuck it.”

“And you couldn’t tell your best friend where you went? Do you realize I thought you were dead?” You snapped at him.

He shrugged again. “It's fine. It was fun!” He smiled a giant toothy grin.

Your blood was boiling. How could he not even say sorry? How could he act like this didn’t affect you at all. It was infuriating.

You didn’t talk to him for a week.

------

You made up with Jungkook, but things never went back to normal. You were always waiting for him to just up and leave again. To just abandon you and act like nothing is even the matter…

You’d graduated and it was summer, you thought like last summer you’d be hanging out together most every day.

But, he stopped asking.

When you did hang out with him, he’d continuously mention this new group of friends he’d found in the town he ended up in on his little adventure. You’d think they were celebrities the way he gushed about them.

There was a girl of course, she was ‘the most beautiful mess he’d ever seen’. You found yourself holding back a sob at those words, because you knew exactly what he meant. Because it was the same as what you saw when you looked at him.

He was increasingly spending more time with his new friends than you, and school would be starting for you soon...maybe it was a good thing. He was still in highschool and you were becoming an adult, he needed friends in his grade.

That didn’t make it hurt less though.

Only about a month into summer, with a simple text Jungkook invited himself over, asking you to order some pizza and said he’d be staying the night.

In your new apartment you’d gotten to yourself after graduation, Jungkook now smoking with you on your couch, the two of you chuckling about the show you were watching. Nothing seemed wrong at that moment, it all seemed finally back to normal between you two.

And that was the last time you had seen Jungkook for 4 years.

------------

You’d checked your phone what seemed like every minute for the first month he was gone.

Even texting his brother Jin many times and getting no reply.

You waited for him to come back with some wild and crazy story of new trouble he’d gotten himself into. You figured he had to come back, he still had school, and with Jin in college he’d never leave his little sister alone with that monster right?

But as months continued to pass, it was clear he wasn’t coming back. All of his social media platforms had been deleted or you’d been blocked.

There weren’t enough tears in your body for how hard you cried yourself to sleep each night when you realized he really was gone. You felt your body heaving against your mattress with each loud sob. Your head was beginning to throb from the tears and from the stress of knowing you really had lost him.

Not that he was ever yours.

That was something you should’ve realized sooner.

Jungkook would never belong to anyone or any place.

You chuckled at a memory of skipping class, sitting in your car in the school parking lot, his wild eyed smiling expression when he’d pass you back your cigarette completely smoked to the end.

“How!?” You’d smack his shoulder with a laugh. “It was only half smoked and I handed it to you for a hit!!! How is it gone!”

He’d wink, laugh and lean back in his seat. “Just trying to die quicker.”

------------

You’d graduated from your university this year. Life had pretty much gone according to plan for you that way, you had to retake one class which really wasn’t bad considering how much you’d fallen off at the end of highschool.

You were finishing up your shift at the chain restaurant you’d been working at the past year. As you were clearing off dishes sighing over another table stiffing you on a tip, you felt your phone buzz in your pocket.

Quickly you took the dishes into the kitchen to the dishwasher and went to the bathroom to check your phone.

It was a text from a former classmate you’d hung out with a few times. You and Jungkook would smoke with him occasionally, though Jungkook seemed closer to him than you. It didn’t surprise you, Jungkook made friends so easily when they weren’t in his own grade.

Jungkook…

What was surprising was that it’d actually been a bit since you’d thought about Jungkook in a way that made your heart ache this way. It’d been years, he was nothing more than a story you’d tell to new friends. That wild child that you hung around with in highschool, the one who got you into so much trouble. People’s eyes would widen at some of the stories you’d told (If only they knew the ones you didn’t dare repeat)

“You could’ve died!” They’d say.

Or “He seems like he was just a toxic friend.”

Some even would ask you if you think maybe he could’ve been a sociopath.

You'd laugh and say it was probably true. As much as you had hung out with Jungkook, you never quite felt like that love you held for him as your friend was ever returned.

The older you got and the more you looked back on it, Jungkook never did anything but use you.

You drove him everywhere, you bought him dinners, you bought the cigarettes and weed, you defended him from his classmates( even though you’d seen him stab a man with a pen at a party once, over simply interrupting him.)

And what did Jungkook give to you?

Chaos. Trouble. Pain. Hurt…

You closed your eyes and gulped. You want him out of your head. But when you open your eyes and stare back down to the text on your phone, that wish is impossible.

‘Jungkook is back’ It read.

A chill spread across your entire body and your phone clattered to the floor. You didn’t even think about the cracked screen you’d likely caused. Your mind was stuck on one word, one name.

Jungkook.

Jungkook…

You actually felt sick, luckily you were already in the bathroom, rushing into one of the stalls you emptied your stomach, tears forming in your eyes you collapsed with your back to the cold painted cement of the bathroom wall.

He's back.

What does that even mean?

While Jungkook had been a geeky little kid in his classmates eyes for most of his life, his reputation had started to get around. When he went missing he was the talk of the town. Everyone seemed to have their own theory.

“I heard he ran off with a meth dealer.” … “No, I heard he’s in florida fighting alligators.” …. “That's bullshit he's obviously finally gotten himself in juvi!” they’d all speculated.

The worst part of hearing all of that, was that you could only speculate too.

He’s back…

A second text came in. You gulped and looked down to see a link to an instagram page kookymonster69. Of course it was that, you chuckled.

You clicked the link and it sent you over to his page. There were only three pictures posted, he really had just come back...you’d thought maybe he’d just blocked you so somehow this was a relief.

The first photo was a selfie, and WOW. He did not look like the small lanky boy that you had been friends with.

He was wearing a loose fitting tank top that showed off his massive biceps and the tattoos that covered his arms and hands. His hair was still jet black but he seemed to have learned how to perfectly style it, and his eyeliner was more on point than it's ever been.

“Fuck.” You whispered under your breath. Your heart beat fast right before it sank at the second picture.

It was him with a child that looked to be around 3 years old, the caption reading ‘My lil mini me’.

Oh…

Your mind flashed back to the girl he’d always talked about, the time he’d been spending with his new friends instead of you.

Of course.

Of course that's where he went.

But why couldn’t he tell you? Why would he think you wouldn’t want to be involved in his kids life?

You cursed again under your breath and without thinking you pressed the follow button.

“I-” You gasped. You really hadn’t meant to do that. But, maybe it's good he knows that you know he's back…

--------

Two days later you got a notification. Kookymonster69 is following you on instagram.

Within minutes a dm was popping up on your screen.

“Long time no talk huh?” it read.

You wanted to throw your phone against the wall. Though that would be the second act of unwarranted phone violence because of this little shit. So you held back. Theres only so much in your life he’s allowed to fuck up.

How could he think that was what you wanted to hear after all this time. No different than when he’d hopped a train out of town and came back like nothing was out of the ordinary.

No apology. No “You must’ve been so worried”

You started to type out a message telling him off. Asking him what the fuck was wrong with him, just dissapearing and coming back into your life like this.

You maxed out the word count on your text and re read it back over. Sighing, you deleted every word and sent a simple.

“Yeah...it really has been a while. How are you?”

Damnit. You groaned and tossed yourself onto your side on your couch.

He replied almost instantly.

“Better lately...I have a son.”

“I saw, he looks a lot like you. I always knew if you had a kid they’d look just like you lol called it” you felt a smile grow on your face, despite every bone in your body reminding you of who he was, and what he’s done...here you were letting your cheeks catch fire once again at his words.

“He does. lol he’s so much smarter than me though already.”

“I don’t doubt that ;) “

It was about ten minutes and he hadn’t replied. You knew ten minutes wasn’t a long time, nothing compared to four years. Yet somehow those ten minutes were the longest moments you’d ever experienced.

“I wanna see you again.” the words read on your phone. You felt your stomach tie itself up into a tight knot.

Bad idea. Bad idea. You should have never even replied.

Why were you digging up the past?

You quickly turned your phone over and groaned.

Letting him back in would likely only bring you more pain. Why the hell were you actually considering it.

This time it was your turn to wait a while before replying. You were weighing pro’s and con’s lists in your brain and though the con’s list kept growing, the Pro list’s first and only item seemed to top it all. ‘Its Jungkook.’

---------

So here you were. Waiting in your car outside of the address he’d texted you to pick him up at. You were parked outside of a cheap looking apartment building only about five minutes from where you lived. You wondered how long he’d been here...this close to you without you knowing.

You sucked in a deep breath when you saw him walk out the front door. He was wearing an oversized grey baggy t-shirt and tight black skinny jeans ripped at the knee where you could see the start of a tattoo peeking out. He had on silver chains and his hands were covered in rings, he looked like some kind of goth model.

You rolled the window down and called over to him.

“Not sure if you remember my car.” You spoke lightheartedly trying to offset the nervous feeling, and another feeling you were still trying to sort out.

He belly laughed and smoothly opened your passenger door and hopped in.

“How could I forget!” his dark eyes were wide and excited as always, his charming smile you’d once been so used to now making your brain practically glitch out. “I can’t believe you still have it.”

You shyly shook your head. “Broke college student” You chuckled. “So what are we doing? You said you just wanted to chill…”

Jungkook smiled and relaxed back into your seat, like he’d done a million times, so naturally. Though he didn’t look like the same small boy you once knew.

“Yeah, like old times.” He winked and pulled out a small baggie of weed.

You rolled your eyes and smiled.

“C’mon don’t tell me you quit.” He teased.

“Of course I didn’t.” You chuckled.

“Good y/n.” He smiled cutely, booping your nose with one finger, and you felt your heart stop.

Your face must’ve fallen or had some sort of expression to let him know he’d affected you, because he immediately punched your shoulder as if to snap you out of your thought.

“Give me a cigarette then and let's go.” He demanded joyfully, banging on the dash of your car and giving you an “onward” motion with his arm for you to start driving.

You drove around for about an hour, smoking cigarettes and passing a joint back and forth.

He didn’t talk much about himself or what he’d been up to and he also didn’t ask much about you either. When you’d bring up questions you got short replies that didn’t seem very satisfying.

“So are you still with your kids mom?” You asked him as he was passing you an almost fully smoked joint.

“Hell no!” he coughed out smoke with his words. “Evil.” he muttered and shook his head.

“Evil?”

“Yup.” he nodded, grabbing another cigarette from your pack without asking. Just as he always used to. What's yours was always his back then, but right now his casual way of falling back into old routines was hurting, you couldn’t stand it anymore.

You pulled into the parking lot of you and Jungkook’s favorite park you’d hangout at. You pressed the brakes suddenly and aggressively bringing the car to a half.

“Woaah.” Jungkook giggled as he let out a tiny puff of smoke.

“You left.” You felt yourself about to explode. Trying to hold it in was becoming impossible.

“You just LEFT.” You yelled the last word, startling him and making him cower back against the window.

“Y/n…” His eyes widened as he gave you his best puppy dog face, this was the first time you’d probably ever really yelled at him. He’d been scolded plenty of times, but you were always soft on your Jungkook. He didn’t deserve that though, you might not have been dating, but he’d broken your heart and you deserved an explanation.

“Why didn’t you tell me? How could you just leave me without a word?” You felt tears forming in the corners of your eyes.

It was silent in your car for a while.

Jungkook brought the last hit of his cigarette to his mouth shakily.

“No.” He shook his head, doing something that always gave you the chills. The way he could turn his cutesy eyes into stone cold daggers in an instant used to make your heart drop into your stomach. Though right now you were a bit too worked up to feel anything but anger at him.

“No?”

“Yeah. No. I don’t need to tell you shit.” He shook his head, his eyes not meeting yours.

“Right.” You huffed, sinking into your seat. “Why would you. Why would you tell your best friend what's going on in your life right?” you snapped and realized the words building inside had reached your tongue faster than your brain could tell you to stop.

“Though I guess maybe we never really were best friends? Maybe I just thought that because you hung around me so much. But you never actually gave a shit about me did you?”

Jungkook’s eyes were widening and he was cowering further away from you.

“I would’ve done anything for you Jungkook, you know that? Died for you, killed for you. Do you realize how many times I took the fall and got in trouble for things you did? And you just…let me. You always just let me get hurt for you, let me ruin myself for you. And you never cared. And then you just...left.”

Your last words came out as a choked up whisper.

Jungkook was staring at the cigarette in his hand that had gone out, twirling it between his tattoo’d fingers and pursing his lips together tightly.

“Why’d you keep hanging around me then if you hated it so much.” He grumbled, seeming genuinely hurt by your words.

You sighed. Hating that now you felt the need to comfort *him*. You shook your head. No. He doesnt get to get away with that.

“I guess I don’t know.” You muttered glaring at him.

His eyes met yours for a moment but on seeing your anger they quickly flitted away.

“You seemed helpless.” You answered after a moment. “That's why. I thought you needed me. I thought I was helping you by being there for you. I didn’t realize you were destroying me.”

At that Jungkook’s gaze was serious and direct at you.

“Destroying you?”

“Nevermind. This was just a mistake.” You murmured starting to put your car into reverse to leave. A large tattoo’d hand pressed onto yours stopping you.

“Hey.” He spoke seriously.

You stopped and looked over at him, already visibly exhausted from this conversation.

“Just…” He grabbed another cigarette from your pack and lit it, sucking in a large hit. “I missed you, trust me.” he grumbled.

“Oh wow, well at least you missed me the four years you chose to not talk to me.” You hissed out slightly getting in his face, making him flinch back.

“I’m not gonna say sorry.” He whispered, his doe eyes staring at you intensely, his eyes flicking back and forth between your eyes and what seemed to be your lips.

Of course he’s not. Of course he does know that's what you want. You had an urge to grab his face in your hands and just shake some sense into him and scream ‘Why can’t you just have some normal human emotions you complete sociopath.’

Instead your body’s next choice of action was one that neither of you were expecting.

As if your lips were magnets, yours fell onto his quickly and perfectly, snapping the two of you in place together.

You pulled back with a gasp, holding your lower lip between your thumb and index finger, feeling mortified at yourself.

Jungkook on the other hand had a smirk slowly growing on his face, his eyes mischievous, likely knowing this was his “in” back to your good side.

The fact that you knew that's probably what he was thinking should’ve been enough to have you stop right there. But the way his eyes were now scanning you up and down in admiration was too intoxicating, too addicting, you’d missed him too much.

“Do your seats still fold all the way down.” He pointed to your backseat with a chuckle.

You smacked his shoulder. “And why would that matter to you.” You teased, almost completely forgetting how angry you’d just been with him. Damnit, how did he do that.

He shrugged with a knowing laugh, his eyes crinkling up cutely, bringing his still lit cigarette to his lips.

“You wanna get even?” He glanced at the back seat again.

“Get even?”

“Yeah.” He winked “You seem like you’ve got a lot of pent up steam at me there. I'm just suggesting some sanctioned punishment-” the corners of his lips curled up mischievously at the word. ”-so maybe you’ll feel a bit less upset at me.”

Bad idea. Bad idea. Those words were playing on a loop in your brain.

Trying to remind you of every bit of hurt and pain he’d caused you, and how if you slept with him, you knew that pain would only hurt worse the next time.

Jungkook was already getting out of the car and putting the seats of your station wagon down flat into a makeshift bed.

You had your fingers clenched tightly around your steering wheel, knuckles turning white. This is Jungkook, not just a one night stand, not a new fling. This is *Jungkook*. You knew there was a higher chance than not that you’d be filled with regret after this.

But there he was now laying out in the back seat of your car, staring at you with a cute and enticing look. “y/n.” He spoke sweetly. “You can come punish me now” He winked.

You couldn’t deny to yourself how much you wanted him.

You took one more deep breath in and without taking another thought to it you rushed into the back seat with him.

He was laying on his side with his head propped up on his hand.

“Took you long enough.” he teased.

Before he could say anything else you were on top of him, pushing him onto his back and pressing him to the seat with one hand and putting another one over his mouth.

“You’re definitely going to have to shut up.” You growled.

His eyes lit up at the fire you’d shown him. He’d never seen you like this before, his sweet y/n that always looked after him, looked out for him, picked him up every time he needed it.

He knew he fucked up. But life itself was fucked up, nothing in life is fair and no one gets what they truly deserve. Jungkook especially. So why would he owe anyone an apology?

This was the best he could give to you.

He nodded, agreeing to be quiet for you.

You slowly let your hand fall from his mouth and replaced it with your lips, melting into him, you were kissing him like you’d been starved for it. Your fingers started to tangle in his hair, messing it up and tugging slightly.

Jungkook's hand reached around your waist, pulling you against him, moving down to your hips and trying to get you to grind against him.

You quickly reached down and grabbed his wrist, pinning it above his head and shaking your head slightly as you gave him a few more pecks.

“Don’t get greedy. You can’t be patient after all this time?” You scolded.

He stuck out his lower lip in a pout, taking in the sight of you straddling him, looking down at him with a mix of emotions still flowing through you.

You went back to kissing him, pinning his other hand above his head and after a bit, rewarding him by pressing your core down onto his and giving him the friction he’d wanted.

He let out a soft and needy whimper as you did.

You felt butterflies filling your stomach at his noise. It was so gentle and sweet, and to know that you were the one making Jungkook feel this way was a sense of pride you’d never felt before.

You stacked his wrists one on top of the other and held them in one hand, your other hand now slipping between where your bodies met and palming him over his jeans.

He hissed out a sharp breath and a small “fuck” fell from his lips involuntarily.

“Does that feel good baby?” You teased him pulling back from your kisses and studying his face, knowing the answer was obvious.

He bit down on his lower lip and his eyes were clenched tightly as he nodded.

Your fingers fumbled slightly but didn’t take you too long to undo his jeans and slip your hand inside, now running your hand slowly along his length over his boxers. His hips lifted slightly off of the seat, pressing up against your hand desperately wanting more.

At that you gave him a slight squeeze, causing him to yelp out. His eyes were wide staring up at you.

“I said don’t get greedy. Remember, this is supposed to be for me.” You chuckled at his disappointed face. “You’ve always been so fucking selfish and greedy.” You gently kissed his lips, before roughly taking his lower one between your teeth and biting harshly.

“Fuck.” he hissed, a small drop of blood now forming where you’d nipped at him, but he only seemed more hungry for you now.

You tugged on the hem of his pants and boxers. “Off now.” You demanded.

He wasted no time after you released his wrists, he tugged down his clothes, pulling up his shirt slightly and letting his length fall against his toned lower abs.

He was so beautiful, smiling up at you with a playful look. It was an absolute joke for you to think you were actually in charge here. You were wrapped around his finger and you always had been.

He looked absolutely mouthwatering. But you didn’t want to let it get to his head. This was supposed to be payback.

You went back to kissing him, that way you didn’t have to look at him, that way you didn’t risk saying the words that you shouldn’t...

With a free hand you took his length into your hand, letting the weight of him sit in your palm for a moment before slowly tickling your fingers up and down. He twitched under your touch and his kisses faltered as he let out a small gasp.

“y/n no more teasing.” He moaned out.

“I thought I said shut up.” Your hand was back over his mouth, but you decided to indulge him for a moment, pumping your hand up and down his length a few times. You could feel his moans vibrate against the palm of your hand still clamped down on his lips.

You let him go and slowly moved yourself down so that his cock was positioned right in front of your face. Letting your tongue lay flat against the base with pressure you licked a long stripe up his cock. When you got to the tip you flicked your tongue a few times right under his head. His hips reflexively moved up at that, begging you to take him fully in your mouth.

Instead you “tsk’d” at him a few times, loosely holding his cock in your hand and not moving.

“It's no fun just sitting there waiting is it?” You asked. “How do you think I felt waiting for you for years.” You lightly slapped the tip of his cock with your hand not holding it.

“AH!” He yelled out “Hey!” he strained his neck to be able to give you a shocked expression.

“Too far?” You cocked an eyebrow at him.

He thought for a moment, then shook his head, laying back down. “No. No it's not that I don’t like it.” He chuckled. “Just...it's you. I never thought you’d be like this in bed.”

You were suddenly moving up to face him, your hand grabbing the sides of his neck tightly. “You don’t know me anymore.” You growled. “You made sure of that by cutting me out of your life for four fucking years.” your grip on his neck tightened slightly before you released him.

He gasped in a deep breath when you pulled away, looking up at you in awe.

You moved your hand back between his legs now pumping quickly, twisting over his head when you’d get to it. You ate up every moan that you pulled from his lips, they were yours, you’d caused every single one and they were yours to keep forever.

Right before it looked like he was going to cum, you pulled your hand away, leaving his cock untouched and throbbing.

“No..” He whimpered, “Please please.” His needy whines were so cute.

“But why should you get to cum?” You teased him.

He pouted dramatically. “Y/n…” He spoke sweetly “Cuz you love me. Make me cum because you love me.” He smiled a wide and precious smile.

Fuck.

Your mouth hung open at his words. Of course he knew you loved him.

All the easier to use you.

Because that made it all the harder for you to say no to him.

Letting your forehead rest against his, you brought your hand back to his length, letting your fingers drag against his soft skin as you gripped him.

You could see a small smirk on his face, as his breathing became even more unsteady, his moans catching in his throat as he panted heavily.

“Oh my god that feels so fucking good.” He groaned out. “Fuck.” His hands were gripping the back of the front seat that his head was pressed up against, his muscles flexing as he tightened his grip unable to contain how good you were making him feel.

His abs were clenched and his hips were lifting off of the seat for you as he desperately fucked himself into your hand.

“I-I’m cumming.” He gasped out, his eyes met yours as he came, his mouth falling completely open and noises resembling your name were being muttered as his hips jerked and his cock twitched in your hand, spurting ropes of cum onto his stomach.

You didn’t stop moving your hand around him, waiting for him to get so sensitive that he had to pull your arm away, both of you laughing.

You rolled over next to him, turning your head to face his.

He was facing the top of the car, eyes closed and he had a big smile on his face, seeming very satisfied with himself.

“Even?” He finally opened his eyes, turning to you with a bright grin.

You chuckled.

It probably would be asking too much to expect Jungkook to see the flaw in his logic here. Once again, he’d gotten you to give him everything, for nothing in return, and he wanted to call that his apology.

You shook your head at him.

“No. But I do feel a little better.”

He nodded, seeming to somehow take that as a positive.

“You’re good at that.” He sat up, taking his shirt off and using it to wipe off his stomach.

“Thanks…” You muttered. Here it was, the regret setting in. The feelings of ‘what the fuck did I just do’. Even worse was the feeling of knowing now that you had, all he had to do was say the word, and you’d be right back there again.

You exited the backseat of the car quickly, rushing to grab a cigarette from your glove compartment, your fingers shaky as you brought the lighter up to the tip. Flicking it many times but not getting a flame.

“Fuck!” You yelled, chucking the lighter as far as you could, managing to make it over a fence and into the park.

Jungkook had just gotten out of the back seat in time to witness your little display. He didn’t say anything, simply grabbing another lighter from the front seat along with a cigarette for himself and walking it over to you.

You let him light your cigarette and the two of you stood for a minute in silence.

“Does this mean you’re actually back…” You whispered softly, almost not wanting to even ask, not wanting to know if it wasn’t the answer you were hoping to hear.

Maybe Jungkook knew that. Maybe that’s why he didn’t say anything at all.

He never told you he loved you, he didn’t even try and make you feel loved.

Maybe it was good that way, it might make it a bit easier when he leaves again.

Maybe it was better that way, it was kinder than being lied to.

#Jungkook smut #Jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #bts x reader #bts smut #bts fanfic #Jungkook x you #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x gender neutral reader #bts x you #jungkook reader insert #jungkook angst #bts angst #bts imagines #bts x gender neutral reader

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connorspiracy · 3 years

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Not The Kind of Snacc I Had In Mind || Connor & Luis

TIMING: Current PARTIES: @connorspiracy and @ontheluis CONTENT: Recreational drug use, NSFW SUMMARY: Connor and Luis decide to meet up after chatting on a dating app and absolutely nothing goes wrong.

Grindr dates were weird. Connor was far from opposed to a simple shag, but he usually felt like he was supposed to not be so blatant about it, to try and be a gentleman. Was it customary to clean the house before a Grindr hookup came over? He wasn’t sure, but he did what he could to make the place presentable; ran the roomba, made the bed that he was sure would be messed up again pretty soon, lit some Yankee Candles. He’d showered, changed his clothes, brushed his teeth, and was debating starting on a beer when the buzz of the doorbell stirred him from the couch, indicating his date’s arrival. Connor answered, giving the other man a smile in greeting. He’d had no clue this was wolfbane-dude when he’d proverbially swiped right, but seeing the young man in front of him, he put it together. Not that it mattered. He was still certainly curious, but seeing the profile pics come to life before his eyes gave him little desire to revisit that conversation anytime soon. “Hey, Luis, right? Come on in, I was just about to grab a drink if you want one?”

The cold freshness of the Whye River single lingered in Luis’ nostrils even after the water had dried off his skin and hair. Bathing in the river outside his date’s upscale neighborhood might not exactly be classy, but the brutal pragmatism of Luis’ new life had weaned him off feeling embarrassed about trivial things. Piers’ place reminded Luis of the houses along Boca Chica, eliciting a sharp prick of unwanted remembrance amidst the more arduous thoughts in his head.

Connor turned out to be just as gorgeous as his profile picture, and Luis had another pang of guilt for placing yet another innocent person in danger of being eaten just for the sake libido and company. But the less human part of Luis brain, the aspect of himself that was all primal instinct and cold pragmatism, didn’t see why that danger should get in the way of shelter, sex, and free food?

The corners of Luis' mouth drew up into a knowing smirk as he closed the door behind him, enjoying the randy tension in the coy game these types of meetups often started. “Sure.” Luis placed his backpack against the wall by the door. “Hey uh....are you the ghostuber dude by the way?”

If it hadn't already been obvious from the risque Grindr conversation, then the grin tugging at the edges of Luis' lips confirmed to Connor that this lad was well up for it. He doubted it would take them too long to get down to business. "Right, we've got got beer, shots, cider, whatever you want, mate." He helped himself to a White Claw, handing Luis whatever he'd chosen. "Heh, Ghostuber dude," he chuckled. This was why he didn't send dick pics with his face in them. He didn't want it to end up on twitter or reddit once someone realised who he was. "Y'know what? I like that. Might nick it for my instagram bio.” He gave him a little grin. “I wanna ask what you do for work but I don’t even know how much you wanna talk and stuff. I never know how personal folks wanna get.”

“I mean there’s part of me that just wants to jump your bones,” Luis confessed as he leaned forward to accept a White Claw with a wink, the werewolf perhaps being a bit more literal then the words necessarily implied. But Luis didn’t necessarily want to give that primal part of more leeway over his life then it already had.

“But I don’t mind talking,” Luis admitted helping himself to a seat on one end of the couch. “I’m hiking cross country,” was a rather selective version of the truth. “So I’m just taking whatever work I can find along the way here y’know?”

In spite of being in media and in the public eye just enough to receive decently regular flirtation, Connor wasn't always the smoothest at this. He gave a kind chuckle, toasting their White Claws together. "That's very flattering, but yeah, we can talk. Come on." He gestured for Luis to follow him, heading onto the deck and lighting up the fire pit and sitting on the outdoor bench. "Figured this'd be a bit better than watching telly," he snickered. "So are you in White Crest for long then? Just passing through?"

Luis had been an easygoing and social person before his life had become a runway train of carnage. Connor definitely had the sexy British angle for him, and a sinewy muscularity to go with the baby face, but perhaps was a bit blunt for coy games. Though Luis couldn’t (or didn’t want to) explain why, his sense of hearing and smell had sharpened to the point of being painful at times. He caught the fragrance of the soaps that Connor had used in the shower as his host passed by and listened to the steady background noise of his heartbeat.

As they went out on the deck Luis looked out over the East End evening. The sun was sinking like a golden torch in the Whye River's horizon, staining the tufty lines of Stratocumulus clouds ablaze with bright magenta against the deeper blues and violets of the upper atmosphere. East End’s upscale houses and shops trailed off at the harbor where ships slept on a liquid mirror of the sky, seeming to bob up and down on cloudy stained glass. Boat masts and pier poles stood out stark like thin black columns against the prismatic sunset.

But though Luis’ couldn’t see most of those colors anymore, the shadows of the sunset city strangely didn’t impede his sight at all. Luis glanced to smile playful at Connor, the fading light briefly reflecting off the tapetum lucidum blue in his eyes in a flare of electric blue.

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out,” Luis admitted as he leaned his elbows on the deck rail, breathing in the faint scents of fish and smoke on the chilly autumn air. “Got this gig at a fighting ring, doing Cutman work and whatnot for the fighters,” he mused. “Guess we’ll see how well that pays huh?”

"Bit of an amateur boxer or something, are you? That's pretty hot," Connor said with a smile. Most people's Grindr photos didn't leave that much to the imagination. There was usually at the very least a topless selfie in there, maybe a post-workout pic, complete with sweatpants bulge. Luis had a casually athletic build, more compact and slightly bulkier than Connor's slimmer frame. He imagined Luis being able to hold his own. "I... couldn't fight my way out of a paper bag. Have to talk my way out, hope they fall for the accent. This is all for show." He looked at Luis' bright blue eyes with a self-deprecating smile.

"Well, this place is fuckin' weird, which is why I'm here, but it's not for everyone." In the back of his mind, he was still kind of suspect about the eating wolfsbane thing, but Connor left that alone. He actually wanted to get off with the bloke tonight, not scare him away by interrogating him. "Smoke?" he asked, pulling out a pack of tobacco and everything else he needed for a good joint.

“Luis shook his head with an aimable wrinkle of the nose at the notion. Learning to fight hadn’t been something he’d willingly picked up or enjoyed, but it came naturally to the less human part of him, way too much so honestly. “A cutman is just the dude who makes sure the fighters don’t bleed out too much,” he explained, finding it wiser to not going into detail what sort of illicit fights would just hire some rando off the street who knew his way around an enswell. “I try not to get into fights if I can help it,” said the fellow whose rap sheet contained a bit too many charges of manslaughter for that claim to be entirely plausible. “You’re better off avoiding it honestly dude. Like...I dig some macho dom vibes much as the next guy, but that aggro life isn’t worth it,” confessed Luis, having woken up too often amongst grotesque carnage to glorify violence.

“It is weird,” Luis admitted with another look out at White Crest’s innocently picturesque panorama stretching out beyond them. “Guess that works for a ghostuber though?” Luis didn’t believe in spirits or magic, but a metaphysics argument wasn’t he wan’t to get up to with Connor tonight, so he just let that be.

Then it turned out Connor knew the way to heart: weed. “Duuude, you must be into some weird shit if you’re buttering me up this much,” he teased with an assenting nod.

“Oh,” Connor said with a chuckle, feeling just a little bit stupid. “I guess that makes sense. It’s in the name.” Hearing that Luis avoided fights if he could help it only made Connor more attracted to him. He had no patience for that toxic masculinity bullshit. Knowing someone could defend themselves was one thing, being good at a sport was another, but seeking violence for violence’s made someone the type of person best avoided, even for a one night stand. “Yeah, couldn’t agree more. Save the macho dom vibes for the bedroom,” he teased, rolling them each a joint with a grin.

“The views are fucking gorgeous too, I mean, look at this ocean.” He gestured to the sand and sea that spread out before them, glistening under the moon and stars. “And I never run out of stuff to film.” Even if sometimes, the thing he happened to film was someone being murdered in the woods. That’d be a mood killer, though. His grin only widened when Luos accepted his offer of some light recreational drug use. “What can I say? I like being a good host.” And once he handed Luis the rolled joint, he leaned in for a brief kiss, lips brushing against Luis’ and lingering for barely a moment before he sat back to light up, handing Luis the lighter too.

The lighter’s flame was a momentary spark against the oceanic sunset as Luis breathed deep. Substances had come to be Luis’ escape from the train of violence his life had become, and the unwilling werewolf closed his eyes and breathed smoke into the night for a time, letting it soak into his blood and cloud out unwelcome thoughts. “Definitely gorgeous,” he affirmed, before turning away from the sea.

Luis gently lowered himself down to straddle Connor’s lap. He looked down into Connor’s eyes for a moment with a questioning raise of tawny brows, silently asking if this was ok. “So what made you want to do youtubing stuff,” Luis asked with an unconvincingly innocent smirk as he ran both hands up the front of Connor’s shirt. Luis played it slow, his splayed fingers consciously tracing the lines of Connor’s body beneath the fabric, traveling up until he caressed the bare skin of the Brit’s neck. He leaned forward from his perch on Connor’s lap to meet his host’s lips in a long kiss, taking time to just savor the take and smell of him before parting with a breath chuckle. “So were you legit born in England,” he asked in a murmur, pulling down the front of Connor’s shirt slightly to press his lips to the firm skin of Connor’s pectorals. “Or are you actually some Cali-boy whose doing the Brit thing for sex appeal.” Luis continued to lay exploring kisses up the curves Connor’s upper chest and neck as he glanced up. “Won’t mind either way,” he assured with a grin.

Connor closed his eyes for a moment as he inhaled the joint and blew out the smoke, watching it dissipate into the night. He took another sip of his beer, not expecting the next events that unfolded, but certainly appreciating them. His breath hitched in anticipation as he felt the warm weight of the other man's body on top of him. He lifted his hands to wander over Luis' upper legs and waist. "Started to video journal for myself," he answered, closing his eyes again and sighing as Luis' hands and lips caressed his skin. He curled his own fingers into Luis' sides, sliding them just beneath his shirt. "Ran out of space on my hard drive, started uploading them to YouTube," he snickered. "And the rest is history."

Thankfully the neighbours' houses weren't right on top of them and there was a bit of space between the houses along the beach, so he didn't feel too self-conscious about the display they were putting on. At least for now. "I'm a born and raised South West London boy, darling," he whispered, playfully exaggerating his own accent. "What about you?" he asked, fingertips tracing tiny lines along Luis' abs. "Hispanic?"

“Chicano,” Luis confirmed with a nod, closing his eyes for a moment and just letting Connor touch bring on a trembling flex of his abdomen that brought a hitch to his breathing. “South Texas chico my dude,” he elaborated in a teasing imitation of Conner’s phrasing, as if the Coastal Bend was somehow on the same cultural tier as an ancient city of eight point nine million. Luis shrugged off his white cotton shirt onto the deck, ignoring the chilled autumn air as it brought goosebumps along his bare skin. Luis’ shoulders and chest rose and fell with deepened breaths as drank in the scent of Connor and the taste of his lips with a hungry insistence.

A voice in the part of Luis' brain warned that he needed restraint. He needed to not lose control here.

“So why ghosts,” Luis asked as he reluctantly parted from Connor. He kept running one hand affectionately though his date’s hair while leaning back to take another drag from the joint he’d left on the railing. “You could easily get internet-famous with other stuff,” he pointed with, exhaling smoke at one end of a smile that left the ‘other stuff’ ambiguous.

Connor’s stomach tightened and he felt himself becoming more and more aroused, especially as Luis pulled off his shirt. His own was unbuttoned all the way down to the navel, so he unfastened the rest of it, letting it hang open to reveal his chest and stomach. For a moment, he thought they were going to shag right there on the decking, but thankfully (at least for the neighbour’s sake), Luis pulled away to take another drag, smoking from his position straddling Connor’s lap. “Right, you’re one to talk about sexy accents then. You can get anyone to drop their trousers by saying romantic shit in Spanish,” Connor teased, continuing his own beer and joint.

“Why ghosts?” He repeated. It felt like he was about to open a can of worms, so he did his best to put the pushy, opinionated part of him aside, at least for the sake of getting his dick wet tonight. “Ah, well, suppose you’re either a believer or you’re not. Hard to believe in ghosts when you can’t see them. I just happen to be someone who can.” His fingers absentmindedly continued drawing shapes on Luis’ forearm as he spoke.

The claim about his ability to make people drop drow with Spanish elicited a snorting laugh from Luis, who’d endured less complimentary claims about his background in the past. He pressed his lips to the skin about the hem of Connor’s pants, laying teasing kisses along the muscled v-shape below the Brit’s abdominals, toying with his tongue down the very edge of the curve before relenting.

“Te voy a joder los sesos guey,” Luis promsied with a soft murmmer in Connor’s ear.

Connor’s answer clearly brought Luis up short, confusion mixing with the more straightforward lust on his features. Luis wasn’t particularly good at it, but could pick up sometimes when people lied sometimes. The beat of their heart changed. Even though they were skin to skin Luis hadn’t heart any falter in Connor’s aroused pulse. Maybe Luis wasn’t really in any headspace beyond screwing this guy, but it sounded like he thought he was telling the truth.

Luis sat up on Connor’s lap for a moment and looked at him with reflective blue eyes that grew brighter at the darkness deepened, lips in cast in a half frown of vexation and both hands lifted behind his head.

“Shit, don’t even know what to fucking make of you Con,” Conner mumbled after a while, the frown broadening in a toothy smile. Luis stood up and reached down for Conner’s hand with a come-hither look that made clear Luis’ personal suggestion to resolve this quandary.

“Oh, bloody hell,” Connor murmured under his breath, jeans tightening as he got hard when Luis kissed and licked along his pelvic bone. He’d had a few flings in town, and it hadn’t exactly been that long since his rendezvous with Nell, but there was something incredibly alluring about Luis, the way he took what he wanted, unapologetic and confident, just a little filthy, behind a blue-eyed cherubic face you could take home to your mum. “You’re the kind of lad I could take home to family dinner and give you a blowjob in the bathroom after,” he chuckled.

Connor ran his fingers through Luis’ light brown hair, tugging it gently as his fist clenched with arousal. “I have no clue what you just said, but it was sexy as hell,” he snickered, practically pulling Luis back to his lips so he could kiss him more firmly, more deeply, more desperately. When their lips parted, his breath caught in his throat, and he twisted the joint out in the ashtray. “Why don’t we go inside and you can make whatever you want of me?”

Luis let himself be led back to Connor’s bedroom, putting up coy resistance at times, pretending to look around the house with wide innocent eyes but wearing a cruelly teasing smirk. One hand in Connor’s and the other tracing the lined of the cool-colored walls, Luis let the adrenaline of anintipation buoy him up like a chemical tidal wave. For a little while he was just a normal guy horny out of his mind and climbing into a hot brit’s bed.

There came a cracking sound from somewhere outside the room, like a piledriver being used as a nutcracker.

Luis jerked up instinctively as it hit his lupine hearing like a gunshot, looking around. “Did you...” But the sound had stopped or maybe hadn’t existed. Fuck it. “Nevermind,” he murmured, busying him with trying to make out with Connor and get unzip his pants at the same time.

Connor headed inside, kicking off his shoes and leaving them deserted somewhere in the hall. He threw his shirt on top of the laundry basket, climbing on top of the bed with Luis. He heard nothing, ears not as keen as the werewolf, and let himself be in ignorant bliss for a while. They continued to kiss, leaving him with tousled hair and pants half-unfastened, blood rushing between his legs as they got hotter and heavier. “What?” he whispered against a jawline that could cut glass, but whatever Luis had heard, he’d quickly forgotten.

He whispered compliments, sighs and groans against Luis’ skin, hands wandering his torso. Their bodies were warm against one another as Connor pressed into him, haphazardly reaching to unfasten his belt before he heard it, an obnoxious sound, miniature saw blades gnawing away beneath him. “What the..” he mumbled, narrowing his eyes and looking at Luis as if to question if he was losing his bloody mind. He rolled over, begrudgingly separating himself to look under the bed. “Oh, FUCK.” Connor scrambled back on the bed, scrambling for the closest object to throw on top of the creature. He was trying to get his rocks off, and there was a fucking demon rat under his bed.

“Dude…please...” Luis moaned, breathing fast and craving release with all this built up tension. He tried to pull Connor back down to him, skin flush and burning with the raw need that turned every nerve into a livewire.

But before either batter or pitcher could make the final run towards home base, one corner of the bed vanished in a cloud of sawdust. There was the sound of claws scaping up wood, and Luis choked on another flurry of dry sawdust in his mouth, dust clinging to the sweat on his skin

Luis found himself face to face with an obese beaver-shrew the size of a dog at the ruined end of the bed, and wondered for a surreal second if he’d gone insane from sheer Blue-Balls.

“What….holy shit….whu…”

Connor really, truly would have preferred to just stay in bed and take the rest of Luis’ clothes off, doing unspeakable things to one another for the next several hours before having another cigarette and maybe sneak in some cuddling. White Crest, however, had other plans. “Bro! What the fuck--” He scrambled to fasten his pants, willing his boner to go down, which thankfully wasn’t too difficult “You little bugger, I rent this house!” He didn’t know if it was dangerous or not, so he instinctively grabbed for Luis to pull him away, then scrambled for the nearest pair of flip flops. “We gotta go, dude. I have no idea what that thing is.”

Why...how did this rat have horns? Even while gagging on sawdust and woodchips Luis could smell that this thing wasn’t a dog, rat, squirrel, shrew, or beaver. His rational mind recognized it was impossible that a person could smell that well, but his instincts just sorta knew on a gut level that this wasn’t any animal he’d ever seen before. There was a moment of confusion as his brain and gut disagreed on what was going on. But as usual when shit went down, guts won out.

Luis let Connor pull him away and he rolled off the side of the bed not occupied by a giant woodchipper on legs. Stumbling into the shoes he’d shed at the bedroom door, he sprinted with Connor through the house and out the front door, the frigid outside air extinguishing the amorous fire in his skin.

Great. This was just great. He’d found a nice, handsome, and incredibly seductive boy to take to bed, and now he had an infestation of God-Knows-What chewing on his furniture. Connor shook his head, more annoyed than panicked. “I’m so sorry. This is--not what I planned for tonight. I have to call an exterminator.” Or a hunter. “But… this was nice, before it got ruined. I’ll call you, okay?” And with that, he pulled out his phone.

#paras #with: luis #enjoy! some non angsty fun times

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whatcouldgowrong-ohthat · 5 years

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I Hate You (Steve X Reader)

Part2 here!! This might be worse than the first one...I’m sorry.

Summary: Various Avenger x Reader one-shots with songs from musicals. In this one — You say goodbye to Bucky, have a moment involving Steve, and then a final goodbye with the man who destroyed your heart. Song is “I Hate You” from If/Then.

Warnings: Angst, tears, sadness. It’s not a happy ending, guys. I wish I could say it was. I actually teared up writing this...

“I hate you,” you whispered, staring at your brother from your spot on his bed. You didn’t mean it. Of course you didn’t. He didn’t have a choice in any of this.

Bucky glanced at you, offering a small smile. “I know.”

Sighing softly, you fiddled with your skirt. The idea of Bucky packing and leaving, it all felt so final. You were terrified that your big brother would never come back. “I love you,” you admitted, earning a kiss on the top of your head before Bucky finally took a seat next to you.

“I know.”

You had to try. He couldn’t just leave. Could he? “Don’t go.”

“Y/N—“

“I know.” You did. He was drafted, a secret you swore to keep from Steve. This wasn’t Bucky’s choice. He didn’t want to leave. No, your brother wanted to keep courting Dot, protecting you and Steve. That’s what he wanted.

Bucky tried to make you feel better, telling a blatant lie, “I won’t be anywhere near the action.” You both knew it was a lie. He was 107. Still, the fact that he was attempting to comfort you reminded you just how protective your big brother was. Even if he was absolutely terrified about what was going to happen to him.

“Forget it, liar,” you teased, knocking his shoulder with yours. “I know you. You’re scared.”

“Don’t tell Steve.” You shook your head. You’d never do that to him. “I love you,” he tried again, knowing he didn’t say it enough to his baby sis.

“Don’t say that,” you murmur, voice cracking. Offering a half hearted shrug, you ask him, “‘Cause what does it matter? You’re going to leave me. So leave me, whatever.” You stood up, crossing the room and leaning against the wall. Your arms were crossed across your chest, lip jutted in a pout because no, he couldn’t leave. He couldn’t. He was your brother. “It’s not like I need you.”

A small, boyish grin tugged at the corner of his mouth, unable to hide the bitter pain in his eyes. Bucky leaned forward, his arms resting on his knees. “No?” He rose to his feet, pulling you into a hug because dammit you both needed one. “I need you.”

“Don’t leave me,” you muffled into his chest, true fear setting in. “You know I’m not selfish, but I…I — I —“

“Need me to stay?”

You huffed, leaning against him. “Okay?”

Bucky took a slow breath and sat you in the chair to your left, crouching in front of you. It was time for one of his big brother talks and, while you hated them on a normal occasion, this was one of those you knew you’d remember for a life time. “In my life I haven’t made that many promises,” he admitted, boyish smile trying to cheer you up. “Just one to Steve and one to you. You know me like no one else.” The smile turned sad and he squeezed your arm. “And so, you know what I have to do. And no matter what you say, I know you want me to.”

Your shoulders slumped and though neither of you wanted to admit it, there was no way to genuinely cheer you up when it came to this. No, there were times when situations just sucked.

And this was one of them.

——

A letter. That was how you found out that Steve…Well, that he left. You stared at the piece of paper in your hands, tears slipping from your cheeks and staining the trembling words. First Bucky and now Steve. Both your boys left. “Let’s look at this calmly,” you whisper to yourself, setting the paper on your desk. Could you really though? Was that even possible? “Discuss…how I hate you? How about the ways that you’ve hurt me?” You stare at the paper as if it’s Steve. If only he could hear everything you had to say, but you knew if he was here you couldn’t be angry. You’d break down. “Really, you haven’t, but clearly you will.” A shaky breath as you curled into yourself, tucking your knees under your chin. “I hate you…Just leave me, whatever. I’ll get on without you.”

A lie.

You stood, your body feeling fidgety and antsy. Instead of staring at Steve’s handwriting, at the apologies and promises left to you in a sloppy black ink written with nervous penmanship, you paced.

And paced.

At the rate you were going, you might wear a hole into the floor, but you were trying to convince yourself of something you couldn’t quite bring yourself to believe. “I’m tough and resourceful. I’m steady…and sturdy.” Ringing your hands, you let out a strangled sob. Fidgeting wasn’t working so instead you ran your fingers through your hair, clenching the once perfectly placed locks and twisting them into a wild mess. “I’m freaking the fuck out,” you admit, your voice barely above a whisper. You fell to your knees, staring at the paper and next to it, a photo of Bucky, you and Steve. “I love you, I hate you,” you repeated over and over, not sure which emotions you fully believed.

“Oh, screw you! You’re making me crazy!” You cried out as if someone had reached into your chest, pulling out your heart. Everything ached and you just needed to release that pent up…emotion. So, you picked up a book and threw it at the photo, knocking it off the desk and shattering the glass. Immediately, you screamed, “Wait, no!”

Your emotions had gotten the better of you once again. Crawling across the floor, you gathered the broken frame in your hands, trembling as you brushed away the glass. Tracing Bucky’s face, you whispered, “In my life, I’ve always said I don’t need anyone, but I like our life.” Your gaze shifted to Steve, your thumb running over his chest. “And I love you. And I swore that I’d love, without wanting or needing you. But it’s — it’s too late. I need you too.”

Allowing yourself to fall back, the bed met your spine as you clutched the picture to your chest. Your tears slowly stopped, but then came the sniffles, the tired eyes, and the pain. “You two are the reason I think this life might not be meaningless.” Whispering, “Steve, you’re my North Star, my path to grace. You’re my single best decision in a life of many awful ones. My one big yes, my one embrace. With you —“ The words caught in your throat and you looked back at the picture, tilting your head as you tried to memorize his features. Who knew if you’d ever see either of them again? “With you I never feel I’m out of place.”

That night was bitter, painful, and something you never wanted to go through again. Tears stopped and started for hours as you felt like little pieces of you were being robbed. You didn’t know what the future would hold. Hell, you didn’t even know how Steve managed to enlist. All you knew was everything hurt. And you never wanted it to hurt like this. Never again.

—— Years Later ——

Steve wasn’t sure what to think when he saw what lengths Howard and Peggy had gone to help him, to help Bucky. Sure, going into battle so he could save POWs? That made sense. He could appreciate and respect it. But this? Helping him with something completely and totally emotional?

No, that made no sense.

Yet here Y/N, standing in the center of the room surrounded by himself, Peggy, and Howard. You were older, had grown your hair out and currently kept it pinned out of your face. The night on the pier flashed through his mind. You hadn’t been wearing makeup then, but now? You looked like a grown up. Gone was the girl he’d spent his childhood chasing. Gone was the girl known as “Barnes’ baby sister”. Where had that girl gone?

“Can we have a moment alone?”

Steve’s voice was low, calm even though he felt like a drum was beating in his ears. He glanced at Peggy and Howard and they knew not to argue. You needed to hear what happened to Bucky from him, face to face. This wasn’t something to be done over letter and since Phillips was occupied with Zola, this really was the only opportunity. His only chance.

It didn’t even register in his ears that his friends had listened, respected his wishes, until he heard the door close behind their departure. “You got big,” you said bitterly, your words so similar to Bucky’s that it made his heart twist.

He looked at you, really looked at you, and found himself wanting to take back every awful thing you had fallen victim to. He wanted to wipe it from your memories, replace any and everything with only the good. Only what you deserved. “Y/N —“

“Don’t.” Your voice wavered and he knew you were doing everything in your power to not cry. “Steve, just…just tell me what happened.”

That broken, fragile echo of your voice robbed his heart of any strength he once had. He didn’t feel like a super soldier. No, seeing you like this, trying to be strong? He felt like that scrawny kid once again. Except now neither of you had the big guy to keep you out of trouble. Taking a step closer, he studied your face as if it were a map. Perhaps the lines from stress and worry, smiles and tears, maybe they could lay out the route he needed to take. The lasting he wanted to do was shatter your heart.

Not again.

Slowly, Steve allowed himself to inhale. He had to find the words. “We walked away with a victory,” he whispered, hoping that might make you feel better. Of course, he knew it didn’t. You didn’t give a rat’s ass. “The Howling Commandos are some of the best trained men I’ve ever seen.”

“But?”

“We weren’t prepared for the weapons they had.” He looked down, unable to look you in the eye. Shame, guilt ridden, poisonous shame, coursed through his very being. “The side was torn off and Serge — Bucky was shot off. He caught the rail and I almost had him. I — “ He exhaled, releasing the breath that had created a steady ache in his chest. “He fell before I could grab him and pull him back in.”

You kept your gaze focused on the ground, studying it intently because you didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t read you. He couldn’t figure out what you could possibly thinking in the moment. But dammit, he wished you would say something. Anything. “Where were you?”

Steve faltered, looking up at you as you shifted your gaze to meet his. Unshed tears shone brightly in your eyes despite the dim light. That look…HYDRA didn’t need any weapon to hurt him the way your eyes did just now. “What do you mean?”

“Where were you when he was shot?” Your voice was cold, a warning to be nothing but honest. “Where was motherfucking Captain America in those moments before he was shot?”

“They separated us and used weapons we’d never seen before. The soldier…I thought he was out for the count. I didn’t expect him to get back up.”

“No, because only you could fight all day, right?”

A pause and Steve took another shaky breath. He deserved that. “I deflected the shot and that’s how the side was torn open. I didn’t expect the hit to be that strong. Bucky…” He choked on sobs that caught in his throat, knowing this wasn’t his moment to be weak, to mourn. “He took the shield, but Bucky wasn’t…Y/N, it all happened so fast. I was so close to grabbing him, but he fell. I couldn’t save him.”

Silence fell. It felt thicker than any fog or snow that he’d had to trek in.

“Goddamnit,” you whispered, your shoulders shaking as fat tears rolled down your cheeks. He wasn’t sure which emotion you felt more, hatred for him or pain for Bucky. “You did it.” You looked at him, pure amazement in your features and he wasn’t sure what to think of that. “I knew you would do it. He was supposed to come home and you roped him into that whole fucking…” You took a step to the side, grasping the table as your legs shook. You wanted to scream, to cry.

“Y/N,” he murmured, his voice quaking as he took those short steps to your side. He gathered you in his arms, holding you tight as sobs shook your whole frame. When you shifted in his arms, he thought you wanted him closer, but then you started pushing. Your hands were clenched into tight fists as you hit his chest, forcing him to take a step back.

“You asshole! I hate you, I totally blame you!” You kept up your onslaught of his chest, hurting yourself more than him, but he took every punch. Only when it seemed to be bruising your hands did he actually catch your wrists. “Really,” you screamed, meeting his gaze. Mascara gathered under your eyes which were red and puffy. “How could you!” He didn’t know what to say, unable to stop a tear from slipping down his cheek. He held you close, shutting his eyes tightly as you continued your verbal abuse. “I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you,” you murmured into his chest, your voice getting louder with each declaration. Finally, when it seemed you had the genuine strength, you shoved him away from you, finally admitting, “I love you.”

He stared at you, shocked. He wasn’t sure what to say. Any admittance that he felt the same was lodged in his throat.

“I love you,” you whispered, your bottom lip trembling as you hugged yourself. Your hair had come to free itself from the pins, falling to frame your tear stained cheeks. It seemed you had more to say, so he didn’t dare interrupt. Instead — “I…loved you.”

And his world came crashing down again.

“I loved you. I lost him and I hate you.” You picked up the nearest thing on the table, a pen. You threw it at him and he instantly ducked. “God damn you!” Another object, a book. It hit his shoulder. “You asshole!” You lifted the shield, throwing it towards him and all he could do was wince as it collided with his calf. “You motherfucker!”

The shield landed with a clang on the ground and immediately the door opened, Peggy standing in the doorway. “Y/N? Steve? Is everything —“

You didn’t give her a chance to voice the rest of her concerns, steely eyes set intently on the crushed man in front of you. “In my life, I haven’t made that many promises. Just one to…” A shaky breath. “Just one to him, now to you too. That I will never trust you again. You brought him here. This is all on you. And I will never ever forgive you.”

Steve didn’t take his eyes off of you as you walked past Peggy. He didn’t take his eyes off the door as it slammed shut behind you. He didn’t feel Peggy’s hand on his arm or hear her voice in his ears. All he heard were the screams and sobs on the opposite side of the door where he knew you were shaking, crying, grieving the loss of your brother, the only family you had left. And Steve knew, deep down, that you were right. He took Bucky from you. It was all on him.

“Steve,” Peggy whispered, finally earning his attention. He looked at the woman that had gone out of his way to help him form some closure. She was the closest thing he had to a friend at the moment and he wasn’t sure he could even say he deserved that. “Whatever comes, whatever I must do,” she swore, a hand resting above his frantically beating heart. “It’s me and you. She’ll move forward. She’ll be okay. But just know I’m here for you. You will get through this.”

But that was the thing. He didn’t deserve to. Not if he wasn’t sure that you ever could.

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theonewiththefanfics · 6 years

Text

Hopelessly Devoted (one-shot)

Synopsys: The Reader has been in love with Steve for a while, but the only problem is- he’s with someone else. Bucky has been in love with the Reader for years, the only problem is- she doesn’t love him. But a night spent together at a gala might change people’s feelings.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Genre: angst, fluff, SMUT

Warnings: SMUT; unprotected sex (gotta wrap it up before you do the devil’s tango), swearing and the usual stuff

Word count: 5771

Y/N’s heart clenched as she looked at Steve, his hand intertwined with Dalia’s while they smiled at one another. She had been crushing on the Captain for almost four years but he obviously didn’t feel the same. But right at that same time, his best friend Bucky Barnes was giving Y/N the exact look as she curled up in Natasha’s side, the redhead lazily stroking the other woman’s hair. Bucky sipped a bit more of his coffee, letting the bitter taste trickling down his throat match what he felt on the inside. The newest season of ‘Brooklyn 9-9’ was mindlessly playing on the big screen before a loud voice interrupted their peace. “Listen up, jerks!” Tony’s voice boomed throughout the room. “In two days there is going to be a gala. Here in the tower, so you don’t have to be babies about not wanting to drive anywhere. It’s a black-tie event. All of you have to be there. We’re trying to make good with the public since you know... Sokovia... so please be nice. Thank you that is all.” And in a true Stark fashion, he sauntered away without taking any murmurs of protest into account. "I really don’t wanna do this,” Y/N groaned pushing her head in the crook of Natasha’s neck, who gently patted her fellow Avenger's head. “I know, sweetie, but hey- free booze and food!” “It’s not like we pay for our stuff anyways. Everything is on Tony’s credit card,” the Y/H/C haired girl replied before pushing off the couch and making her way into the kitchen where Bucky was sitting by the countertop on a barstool. His blue gaze followed every single move of hers, but most importantly how the muscles scrunched up her face in disgust. “Not a fan of parties?” Bucky chuckled, handing Y/N her favourite mug. “Not a fan of getting ready, not being able to stay in my PJs and having to wear heels that make my legs look fucking amazing while at the same time wishing I could just cut my feet off.” He snorted, shaking his head and taking a big gulp of coffee. “You sure it has nothing to do with those two?” Bucky pointed at Steve and his blonde girlfriend. In an already sour mood, Y/N flipped the man off. Obviously, he didn’t take it to heart, but then an idea popped into his head when he heard her mutter a quiet ‘what if it is?’. “Do you want to go with me?” Bucky asked, his eyes defiantly looking at how the spoon made his drink swirl.

“To the gala? Like together? As dates?” “We don’t have to,” he was quick to interject. Maybe too quick, for his own liking, the fear of saying how he felt acting for him. “We can go as friends though. And still, you’d be able to show what that punk is missing out on. Get glammed up, look like an absolute princess and make the idiot realise what has always been right in front of him.” Y/N grasped his palm, squeezing the ex-Winter Soldier’s fingers. “I’d like that. Thank you, Buck.” A tightlipped smile was what she got as an answer, but even the small gesture had set her heart stuttering. And Y/N had no idea why.

***

He fidgeted with his cufflink, so unaccustomed to wearing fancy clothes. Bucky was more of sweats and a shirt or jeans and a leather jacket type of a guy, but there was a difference when Tony Stark threw a gala or a party where people got hammered. Standing by Y/N’s door his nerves got the best of him. Yes, he had offered to make Steve jealous, but for him, this was an opportunity to spend more time with the gorgeous Avenger. Three years he had been in love with the girl. They had met a few days after he’d become an official part of the team. She was on a solo mission somewhere in Guam and when the blood, dirt and all sorts of grime covered woman entered the common room floor, cheers erupting all around making her widely grin, Bucky was done for it. Just like he was in the moment she opened her door. He couldn’t help the fact his jaw hung open. Y/N looked absolutely stunning, the deep blue gown hugged her form and it looked like a sea in the storm with every step she took. The back had a deep plunge and there would be little possibility of him keeping things modest as the opening ended just above the curve of her spine. “You look absolutely magnificent,” he breathed out as Y/N stood before him, a palm clutching her small handbag. “And you look like you just stepped out of a Hugo Boss ad,” she replied with a smile letting her eyes roam over Bucky’s form, but most importantly his face for it was no longer concealed by the dark brown locks. Instead, he’d gotten a haircut, quite similar to that of what he had in the photos. From back in the day. Slicked back hair, jaw shaved and back straight- there was no doubt in the girl’s mind he’d been a ladies man. The deep rumble in his chest was a complimentary sound to that of his wide grin. “Shall we?” he extended Y/N his elbow in a true gentleman fashion and with a mock curtsy she linked her arm through his. The gentle music could be heard even two floors above and it encased them like a blanket when the two Avengers stepped out of the elevator. The tower had been completely redone. Or at least it looked that way, the two giant chandeliers that hung from the ceiling casting a yellowish glow over everything, while usually, the place was darker, made perfect for their movie nights. A loud whistle came from their side, the pair’s heads whipping in sync as they saw Nat, body covered in a gleaming emerald dress striding towards them. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say my friend has been kidnapped and an impersonator has arrived in her place.” Y/N went to jab her in the side, but missed, a small smile playing on her lips. “You calling me ugly, Romanoff?” “I’m calling you not a fan of attention yet here we are.” That confused the girl, but her question was answered when Y/E/C eyes looked around the room, seeing everybody’s gaze settle on her. Some men’s were so predatory it made her squirm in place. Nat immediately noted how uncomfortable she felt, but the way Bucky’s jaw clenched told her, Y/N would be fine. There was no way in hell, he’d let her out of his sights. “Made quite the entrance,” she purred in her ear before sauntering away and towards a smirking Tony. “I need a drink,” Y/N mumbled, Bucky immediately having picked up on the words and leading them towards the bar. “Scratch that- I need like ten.” “This is a fancy event, Y/N. You really want me to carry you upstairs?” “Just leave me somewhere on the floor, no real need to do that,” she laughingly retorted as the bartender passed her the gin and tonic. “No can do. If my best girl gets drunk you can be positive I’ll make sure she gets home safely. Don’t care if it’s two floors up, two blocks away or a two-hour drive.” Bucky was grinning at the woman right until he realised what he had said. “I’m your best girl, huh?” there was a smirk on her face, but underneath that, he saw a mix of emotions swirling. It was hard to decipher what exactly was going on in her mind, especially when he thought he saw a flash of happiness gleam through. “I mean,” the man searched for words, but Y/N stopped his erratic heartbeat with just the touch of her palm on his. Literally, he felt his heart stop, blood freezing in his veins. “It’s fine. It’s actually kinda… nice… makes me feel special.” He wanted to reply with a definite ‘you are special’, but kept the words on the tip of his tongue not letting them slip past his lips. He’d already incriminated too much of himself. “Come, let’s dance,” Bucky downed the rest of his drink and extended his hand for Y/N to grasp. And she accepted right away. The night trailed on, but there was a moment, right when a more modern song had been put on and the metal-armed super soldier twirled her around, a wide grin splitting his face in half, Y/N found herself dumbfounded as not even for a second had she thought about Steve that evening. Yes, Bucky had said that originally they had gone as friends and she could use it as an opportunity to show his best friend what he was missing out on, but instead, Y/N was immensely enjoying the night by the brunet’s side, the laughter never ceasing. Until her eyes caught the glimpse of Dalia, snuggly sitting in Steve’s lap while his hands trailed up and down her sides. Bucky had gone off to get the pair something to quench their dry throats and Y/N took it as her opportunity to become invisible, slipping out onto the restricted section of the landing pad. Restricted to others, not the Avengers. She looked at New York, the bright lights making the sky turn an orange hue, not a shimmering star peeking through. Y/N took a deep breath and exhaled, shoulders slumping forward as the girl leaned against the glass panel which allowed her not to fall. “You disappeared,” Bucky’s low voice invaded the quiet of the balcony. Well, as quiet as you could get in New York. Y/N looked back at the man. He stood by the door aisle, arms crossed while his gaze simply trailed over her figure. It made her shiver and she had to break away from the intensity of his eyes. “Just needed some air. It gets quite stuffy when there are hundreds of people around.” Bucky scoffed but masked it as a chuckle. “And it had nothing to do with the fact Steve was being all lovey-dovey with Dalia?” Y/N stuck her tongue out but it was a halfhearted attempt to hide her true reason for ditching the party. A silence settled over the pair, Bucky having walked over to the railing, leaning against it on his elbows, but he kept a little bit of a distance. After all, they had come as friends, even though he wished nothing more to warp the girl in his embrace any time he craved and to have her respond the same way. “Am I a fool?” Y/N’s voice was soft as the words passed her lips. “Why would you think that way?” “For pining after somebody who clearly isn’t even remotely interested in me, hoping that maybe they’d notice even though it breaks my heart every time they don’t?” Bucky wanted to laugh how perfectly her words described his own situation, but the way his heart clenched was a reminder, that he was also helplessly in love with a girl whose heart belonged to someone else. “I think you can’t control your feelings,” with a sad look he flitted his gaze over at the girl who kept on peering into the night sky. “You didn’t mean to fall for him. I think you can choose your friends, you can choose your family, but the one thing that is out of everybody’s hands is who you love. That’s the hearts and only her decision.” Y/N finally turned her head to face Bucky. “When did you become so wise?” “Maybe I’ve always been that way.” Their eyes locked, piercing blue with her sparkling Y/E/C ones. Unconsciously the pair had started to lean in, bodies moving on their own accord, two magnets having found their opposite. It was when their noses brushed against one another Y/N noted she was barely breathing and took a shuddering breath, yet still not fully snapping out of the trance. A gentle palm, rugged but the touch utmost caring, cupped the girl’s cheek as Bucky searched for any sign that she didn’t want this, and when the super soldier found none, he softly pressed their lips together. Y/N melted against him, her fingers weaving through his hair pulling and tugging in places making him groan into her mouth. The response he got was an even harder kiss as she seemed eager to hear the sound again. The cold winds whipped around them, but both felt hot like a forest fire was raging through their veins. Bucky’s grip on her hips was bruising, and she knew there would be marks left for her to find the next day, but somehow, Y/N cared about nothing but the feel of him against her body. But the kiss was over almost as quickly as it came to be. The two completely and utterly shocked about what had happened. When Bucky opened his mouth to say something, a loud noise from behind startled the pair, their heads whipping around to see Tony. “Sorry to interrupt whatever this is,” he pointed between the two, “but Y/N we need you on a mission. ASAP. Like right this second. There’s a jet ready and you have to go. Sorry.” The look on the billionaire's face was serious, so with one last glance at the brunet soldier, the woman picked up the front of her gown and rushed off leaving Bucky cold and alone on the balcony.

***

The morning after the gala, Bucky was in a weird mood. He’d kissed Y/N, he’d kissed the woman he’d been in love with for almost half a decade and she had reciprocated. The man’s knees had almost bucked when her fingers had woven through his hair, tugging in places, as if she needed to be closer to him. But then that stupid mission had come up, Stark having burst onto the scene a second after they had pulled away and made Y/N step onto a jet to who knows where. Entering the kitchen blue orbs saw his best friend, yet the girl who was always by his side was nowhere to be seen. “Where’s Dalia?” Bucky asked, not seeing the blonde by the counter as she usually shared her morning coffee with Steve. The Captain deeply exhaled before replying. “We broke up.” Bucky almost choked on the piece of bacon he had snatched from the pan. “What? Why?” “Remember that gala, the one Tony threw two weeks ago?” Bucky nodded, mind carefully selecting the emotions he was going to show. He hadn’t been able to talk to the girl how greatly the kiss had affected him, nor was he able to ask if what he had felt was real. If that had been the champagne in her system or was he delusional thinking that emotions were involved. “She said I spent too much time eyeing Y/N. Threw a fit in the cab. Said I was obviously involved with someone else since I couldn’t keep my face together when I saw her. I'm a shit liar apparently.” Blood rushed to Bucky’s head as the jealousy made him see red. But he pushed it down. This is what Y/N would want. He had suggested the idea, but now it might have worked and she could get what she wanted. “Were you though?” he questioned further, scraping the eggs along the pan. “Paying more attention to Y/N than her?” “I mean you can’t deny she looked stunning. No one had seen her so dressed up and I guess, inadvertently I did. She’s a beautiful girl, without a doubt, but that laugh… she reminded me so much of Peggy, so much of that confidence she exuded and the strength…” The brunet hummed, mind reeling with the newfound information. He was desperate to talk to Y/N, but she was away on a mission. The girl was supposed to get back sometime that day, but every minute was almost agonising. Most importantly- she’d find out Steve was single and Bucky was afraid that the kiss they had shared had been his only chance. And he had blown it.

***

Bucky was fidgety throughout the entire movie. And it was four hours long. When FRIDAY finally turned on the lights and people started to drag themselves to their respective rooms it was like he could take a breath. The fact that it was already past midnight and Y/N had not given a single message of her progress was nagging at Bucky, but the rest seemed calm, so he just sat tight and waited. Also, having lost a bet to Sam who could make Steve more annoyed, he was stuck on dish-duty, but it was a good thing. His mind was able to worry about Y/N without any other distraction apart from the racing of his heart any thought of the woman induced. The soft sound of the elevator hissing open took away Bucky’s attention. Looking over his shoulder he expected it to be Nat or even Sam, having forgotten something or just needing another cup of coffee, but instead, a tired looking Y/N exited. His face visibly lit up as she stalked towards him, the duffle bag hitting the floor with an audible thud. “Hey…” Bucky’s arms wrapped around Y/N’s body, the touch careful afraid she might have gotten hurt during the mission, but with how much strength she put in her own muscles, to tighten her grip around his neck, it seemed to him she was quite alright. “Hi…” her reply was breathless, the feeling of safety and content weaving its way into her body. “Why are you still awake?” Y/N asked, concern making her forehead crease. “Did you have another nightmare?” “No,” Bucky shook his head, a small smile on his lips. “We just finished movie night and I was left to do the dishes.” “I thought it was Sam’s week.” “Yeah, well… I lost a bet, so…” Y/N snorted making her way to the kitchen and taking a glass, filling it up with water and chugging it in a span of three seconds. “How was the mission?” Bucky asked, blue eyes looking at the girl, as she went over to the fridge and fumbled for some food. He saw her shrug in response. “Fine. Took a bad hit while escaping, but nothing that Tony’s nanotech couldn’t fix on the way over. How are you?” “I- I’m good. Was worried about you. When Stark sprung it on like that, it must’ve been a really tough one….” he trailed off. “I really th-“ but Bucky was cut off mid-sentence as FRIDAY’s female voice butted in. “Your ship’s log has been processed and it turns out you haven’t slept in two days, Miss Y/L/N.” Y/N bit her lip as to not snort at the motherly tone of the A.I. and at Bucky’s disappointed face. “Bed, doll,” he said. “Now.” With a roll of her eyes, the girl stood up from her stool and slung her duffle bag over her shoulder. “Night, Buck.” He let the blue gaze trail after her until Y/N’s form disappeared behind the corner. “Night, doll."

***

Even though Y/N was home safe and sound a different kind of worry ate at the super soldier. He had to be the one to break the news of Steves split. Yes, it was his best friend’s relationship, but the brunet was fairly certain that the girl would like to know from her co-conspirator. So when she hadn’t shown up for breakfast in the morning, nor lunch, nor dinner he decided to wake up his crush with a meal in bed the next day. “Morning, doll,” Bucky mumbled pushing a strand of hair out of Y/N’s face after he had lightly tiptoed into her room and closed the door with an inaudible click. A prominent groan escaped her throat and she opened one eye. “What time is it?” “Seven.” “Seven? Yeah, no, I don’t deal with single digit numbers, goodnight.” “Love, you’ve been asleep for twenty-nine hours. You gotta eat something.” “I’ll eat when I’m dead.” A snort escaped the super soldier when he heard Y/N’s grumbled response, but none the less he persisted. “Isn’t it ‘I’ll sleep when I’m dead’? Doll, come on. Breakfast’s ready.” Finally, with a deeply dissatisfied look on her face and a groan, she turned around in her cocoon of blankets. Only her face was visible, nose sniffing the air as the sweet scent of pancakes and raspberry jam enter her nostrils, accompanied by the bitterness of freshly brewed coffee. Despite her efforts to look pissed at Bucky for waking her up, Y/N’s features softened and she gave him a small smile. And by the growling of her stomach, it seemed to agree with the hundred-year-old man. His laughter was deep and seeped into Y/N’s bones as she untangled herself from the white bedsheets and sat up, comfort overtaking the room. Bucky took the tray he had set on her nightstand and placed in the girl’s lap. “Okay, you and Steve might be super soldiers, but I’m not. I can’t eat this much.” The man wiggled his brows in response as he revealed another fork hiding underneath the napkins. “Good thing I’m here then.” Together they sat against the headboard of Y/N’s bed and ate. The clinking of utensils and hums of content were the only sounds in her room for a good while. She felt safe with Bucky, that was a prominent thing the girl noted. She felt like there was no need to pretend or hide what she truly thought. And he was definitely a sight for sore eyes. Y/E/C orbs peeked at his face, while he concentrated on the taste of coffee. He’d brushed the hair away, this time without any products, longer strands still slipping into his eyes, yet the chiselled jaw was now covered in a stubble instead of being smoothly shaven. He looked gorgeous and Y/N’s heart suddenly started to thud a bit faster. “Steve broke up with Dalia,” the words were uttered quietly, and in an instant, a tense silence settled over the two people. “What? When?” that took the girl out of the moment. Bucky sighed, intertwining his fingers, the metal rubbing across his other thumb. “Right after the party. Apparently, she didn’t like the fact he had been paying too much attention to you that night.” It was out there, and he couldn’t take it back. The sound of a heart shattering is silent, but Bucky felt like his created the same amount of noise as an explosion would, leaving a gaping, bleeding wound in its wake. He was terrified to look away from his clasped hands, to see the happiness and glee written all over Y/N’s features when he was doomed to be alone for the rest of his life. Yet when he did glance upwards her shocked, but mostly blank face made Bucky frown. “Isn’t that what you wanted?” he questioned, feeling his heart clench. “I- yeah, but I- I never wanted to be the reason they broke up, not like this. But now...” She looked to the side at Bucky, eyes immediately falling to his lips. The man’s breath hitched seeing it settle there. “Now?” “Now I don’t think I wanted them to break up at all,” she finally flitted her gaze back to his orbs, holding it for a few seconds, but Y/N couldn’t find the words so instead she leaned over, pulling their mouths together and straddling his lap. Instantly Bucky melted against her, arms securing her back and feeling bold he gripped her butt, giving it a squeeze. She moaned into his mouth before pulling away. “Because of that.” Blue eyes, wonder, disbelief and awe shining through them kept looking into Y/N’s Y/E/C ones. “Please, tell me you really want this, that you want me,” Bucky’s voice cracked. “I couldn’t take it if your heart isn’t truly in it.” Vigorously she shook her head, pressing their foreheads together, fingers weaving through the dark-haired man’s long lock. “I- I don’t want Steve. I,” Y/N huffed searching for the right words. “I guess I always felt a certain way towards him because he was the first person to ever look at me like I belonged here. Like an equal. And I fixated onto that. I was scared that nobody else would see me, see that I had value. I don’t have amazing powers, just my brain, maybe a little brawl… that’s it… But that night at the gala. I- you were the only one I could think of. Steve didn’t enter my mind once. I was so happy with you. And when you kissed me I couldn’t help but wish it was because you wanted to do that, not because you felt obliged to help me out with that ‘make him jealous’ thing.” Y/N kept her gaze onto Bucky whose palms had settled onto her hips, her plain shirt having ridden up, allowing the man to trace invisible patterns with his thumbs onto the exposed skin. “I’ve had some time to think about everything. Being away for the two weeks was actually a good thing because it made me reevaluate my life and what I want.” “And what do you want?” Bucky asked, tightening his hold, afraid she’d slip out of his arms like smoke into the air. He didn't get the answer he expected but certainly wished for. The kiss was filled with passion, frustration, feelings of inadequacy and most importantly love. As their lips moved together, a dance they slowly became experts in, Bucky had lifted her shirt over her head and settled his hands onto her hips, grinding up his crotch, to her core. A strangled moan made its way into his mouth and the man ate it up like it was a five-course meal, begging for more. Bucky’s mind had been so preoccupied with the feel of Y/N’s hot skin moving against his, her laboured breathing and the delicious sounds her throat made, only now did he note the tightness in his pants that was becoming very uncomfortable. To get some sort of friction he rolled his hips again and Y/N detached her lips, throwing her head back in pleasure. Blue eyes watched in awe as the girl relished in the sensations overtaking her body. “I love you, doll. Let me make you feel good,” he licked up a long stripe from the hollow of her neck to her ear. “Let me make you swim between the stars.” Y/N let out a high-pitched whine and sighed his name, making his erection painfully twitch in its confinement. It wasn’t too gentlemanly of Bucky to groan in her ear and whisper profanities, but he just needed to feel her, needed to have her wrapped around him in every possible way, that the manners he’d possessed during the forties completely evaporated. Of course, if there was even a whisper of how she didn’t want to continue he’d stop on the spot, but her soft nips at his collarbone told him otherwise. “You’re wearing too many clothes, Buck,” her words came out growl-like and the man couldn’t help the excitement that rushed through him. “Then I guess you gotta remedy that.” Y/E/C eyes narrowed in on him and she bit the corner of her lip. “Fine,” Y/N said right before her fingers grasped onto the collar of his shirt and ripped it clean down the middle. “Fuck,” was the only word Bucky managed to rake his brains for, his already lust-blown pupils dilating so much there was no visible trace of the blue they usually sported. He left a trail of sloppy kisses down Y/N’s shoulder, over her collarbone and settled himself in the valley of her breasts while she desperately tried to rid him of the torn piece of fabric. When his arms were finally free, completely able to envelop her in his touch, the cold metal sent a shiver up her spine while his hot skin soothed the unexpected sensation. Their kisses didn’t stop, mouths separating for a second to pull some oxygen into their lungs before resuming the breathless dance. Bucky grasped onto her duvet and flung it out of the way, the soft cover making it harder for the man to follow Y/N as she made her way up the bed to lean against her plush pillows. Trembling arms pressed right next to her head, desperately trying to keep the man from crushing her, but it seemed like the wrong thing to do. A harsh yank against the nape of his neck and Bucky was fully pressed to Y/N, her legs locking around the man’s hips. “You keep doing that and well have an unfortunate situation here,” he warned when the girl ground up against him, her heat needing some friction, some sort of release. “If I don’t keep doing that I’ll have an unfortunate situation where I have to finish things myself." “Impatient are we?” Bucky mumbled before starting his assault on her breasts. He sucked and bit at the mounds, Y/N’s back arching up in pleasure while nimble fingers made quick work of her sleep shorts a palm slipping between her thighs. “You are soaked,” they were words of admiration and pride- he’d gotten her to this point. It was his doing, how her body was writhing underneath his, searching for ecstasy. She let a guttural sound into the air as two long fingers rubbed around at her entrance before sliding in without any problems, her arousal making everything almost effortless. Bucky set a slow pace, allowing Y/N to feel every push and pull, every curl of his fingertips and the flicks of his thumb against her clit. Her face was adorned by a blissful smile as she continuously whispered his name. He worked her like that for quite a few minutes, before a sudden change in pace. With lips still attached to one of her nipples, Bucky pushed another finger into her. Y/N’s eyes sprung open before rolling to the back of her head, palms grasping at his hair which he took as a sign- the harsher the tug, the closer she was. But the soldier hadn’t found what he was looking for. “Where is it,” he mainly muttered to himself, but the girl looked over at him, concern flashing over her features. She was just about to ask what was wrong when all the air was punched out of her, a wicked grin settling on Bucky’s face at her reaction. “That’s the spot? Right there? Feels good, sweetheart?” Y/N’s only answer was a moan, the coil in her abdomen tightening and tightening until there was nothing left and she had to let go. Her nails dug deeply into his shoulders, some places breaking the skin, but Bucky was relentless, helping her through the orgasm and then some as her legs shook. Gentle palms soothed her outer thighs and he left a kiss everywhere a love bite sat on her chest before connecting their lips. A hand settled on Bucky’s hip, tugging down his sweats and the boxers underneath. “Insatiable woman,” he muttered into her mouth before dropping the annoying clothes on the ground, both people completely naked now. A groan of relief rolled off of the man’s tongue as his rock hard member was no longer constricted and instead it slapped against his abdomen. “One word and we stop,” Y/N’s voice had a hint of innocence like she wasn’t the devil incarnate and Bucky had to slap her thigh in response. She pointed a finger at him, mouth pursed in a tight line “Behave, you caveman,” but amusement shone through as he rolled his eyes and leaned down, pressing his forehead tightly to hers. “Ready doll?” it was whispered with trembling lips as Bucky coated himself in her slick, the warm feel already too much to handle. He slid a few more times up and down, nudging his tip against her clit before lining up and entering Y/N. Never had he used as much strength in his life as Bucky did holding himself off from exploding. She was tight, so unbelievably tight, squeezing and pulsing all around, the only thing he could see was white. Her voice brought him back, pleading for him to move, to do something as she desperately tried to move her hips. A primal instinct kicked in as Bucky thrust down, completely bottoming out and going back up barely leaving his tip in before slamming again. Y/N was a mess underneath him and the ex-assassin was in love with the sight, with the breathless moans and needy whispers of his name, with the feel of how perfectly she fit around him, hugging every pulsing vein and ridge, but most importantly with her. It didn’t take long to bring Y/N to the edge once more and Bucky was glad because there was no way he’d be able to keep things together for much longer. “Cum, doll. Come on, I got you,” he murmured in the girl’s neck before leaning up and biting her earlobe, pulling the skin between his teeth. “You’re being so good to me. Come on, sweetheart.” She was whimpering uncontrollably and with two more thrusts from Bucky, she shattered. It was everything and nothing all at once. Y/N’s fingers dug deep into his back, scratching, trying to find purchase all the while not feeling a thing. Her spine arched all the way up, their chests pressed together so tightly not an ant could crawl between them, sweat covered skin gleaming in the morning light. Nothing but pleasure existed. Bucky had promised to make her swim between the stars, yet he had not expected to practically lose consciousness himself. With his mouth hanging open, eyes squeezed shut he emptied himself inside of the girl. It took every muscle, every ounce of brainpower he had left to not just drop dead on her, the super soldier ’s body completely and utterly wrecked. Y/N spasmed under him, face hidden in the crook of his neck, trying to regain some sort of control and composure, but when Bucky weakly pulled out, collapsing by her side and instantly dragging her to his chest, she relented, drifting off to sleep in an instant. He chuckled, hearing the soft snores she’d been emitting only an hour ago, listening to her gentle breathing and feeling how his heart slowed down to match the beat of her. He was hopelessly in love. And right before Y/N slipped under, body blissfully exhausted, the girl realised- so was she.

Tags (crossed out wouldn't take): @thunderous-flower @who-cares-rn @projectxhappiness @callmebucky-doll @coal000 @killuaenthusiast @courtneychicken @sophiealiice @raquelbc2003 @watch-out-for-thorns @potentially-kinetic @thatonegirljessy99 @proxinge @bbkenna @buckysclub @ulired @fangirlofeverythingbasically @mrsalh32611 @horrorx570ximagines @the-nargles-made-me-do-it @pooslie @itsisabelanotisabella @httpmcrvel @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @pizzarollpatrol @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91 @nerissa98 @happyseagrill @asguardiansoftheavengers @crazybutconfidentaf

A/N: I’m so mad at Article 13!!!!! Like seriously- as a person living in the EU this is not copyright law- this is blatantly taking away creative freedom from people who base their work on already existing materials- fanart, fanfic, covers etc. It’s insane people actually think this will do good. Fuck all of those assholes who voted yes.

P.S. please tell me what you think :)

P.S.S. if you wanna be tagged in future stories or have any requests, drop a message :)

P.S.S.S. please don’t repost without credit :)

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soaringlanddormitory · 5 years

Note

“Do you think the moon is jealous because of how pretty you are?” Kasem/Rosa, “He’s so pretty I think I’m gonna faint.” Yo/Takashi, “Don’t you ever do that again!” Emile/Kaoru Yakuza AU (:

Yes!! I love these so much!!! [And I love you of course!!!!]! Thank you for sending this in!! I will love writing this!

Also the Yakuza AU got angsty !! So warning for angst ahead!

KaseRo

Finally, peace and quiet and some alone time with the girl he loved so much. There was a little party that was ongoing inside his dorm. He wanted to invite his girlfriend over because it was the night which people played music and sang songs together. He enjoyed every single bit of it, but he thought that maybe he wanted to be alone with her for a while… So he could at least have a moment with her.

He was first stargazing, but his eyes began shifting to the girl beside him who was holding unto the rails of the balcony. She was watching the stars with him with a large smile on her face. He didn’t actually know that she’d be so excited over small things like this. He began grinning a bit because he couldn’t control the muscles of his face. It was as if that smiling was an automatic reaction when she was around.

“I never knew that your dorm had the perfect view for the stars!” She brought up and began pointing at a couple of stars. “Like… look at that! It’s so bright!” She noticed the small details on the sky and she paused for a moment to laugh and this might have confused Kasem quite a bit.

“Pink Rose, I hope you know that your laughter makes my heart beat twice as fast because it’s such a great thing to listen to…” His comment made her blush, making her ruffle her own hair with her hand. “But why did you laugh all of a sudden? Is there something on my face?” He asked this and she only shook her head.

“Nope! There’s nothing on our face.” She replied to his second question first. “But I wanted to say that maybe that’s why your dorm is called “Soaring Land Dormitory”- because it looks so close to the sky! I wonder how it looks like waking up in the morning in this.” She speaks up and he just ended up bursting in laughter.

“Oh. Even I didn’t realize that. How cute of you. Thinking of little details like that. He began holding her hand and went close to her face to give a small peck on her forehead. “But now you’ve brought up the stars, may I bring up something about the moon?” He asks permission and she only blinks for a while before tilting her head.

“Of course you can. You don’t really need to ask me if you’re allowed to bring something up!” She always loved the side of his that she only got to see, if not, then only a few. He may be usually proud and smug, but around her- he was more considerate, even loving. He had a big soft spot for her.

“Do you think the moon is jealous because of how pretty you are?” He lifts up her chin a bit as he grinned a bit. “Such a pretty face, hair that I could play with all day and even a voice of an angel… How can the moon not be jealous?” He may have been a bit of a flirt, but he was only an honest flirt with her.

This caused Rosa’s cheeks to go red and she began covering her face with her hands. She did love this side of him, maybe even a bit more than she originally thought she would. “I-I don’t know how to respond to that…” He face was fullt red, and she tried to hide her face even more as soon as he began patting her head.

“Aha… Was that too embarrassing for you?”

Well, now… She wasn’t the only one embarrassed anymore as soon as he found himself flustering over his own lover.

Yo/Takashi

One of the biggest things that always made Takashi interested was the love lives of people. He didn’t care on who it was- he loved hearing about it. The result on him knowing can go in different ways, but no matter what- he’d find the information fun. He was currently trying to figure out who the lover or crush of his half brother.

Takashi leaned in close as he listened to Yo talk about the people in his universe. He heard a couple of people and he met some already, but he tried to look for something that could give him a hint that he liked somebody… but it was funny because he didn’t even need to further ask him. He didn’t need to ask more details because as soon as he began talking… he already knew who he liked.

Yo crossed his legs and he placed his hand up in such a sassy fashion that made Takashi grin a bit. Yo was really an interesting person, and his gestures only made it better. “Last but not least, Hironori! Man, have you see Hironori?” He emphasized the name of the man he started to talk about. Takashi zoomed in closer, quite intrigued.

“I think I’ve seen him already… But I didn’t know his name by one look…” He tried to recall everyone that he’s seen so far, but now that a name that wasn’t so familiar came in, he realized that he hasn’t talked to anyone yet. “Can you describe him more? So I can be sure that if I saw him already?”

“Damn right I will describe him!” Yo proudly says before falling backwards, and he was so lucky that they were on a bed. Takashi invited Yo over to his house so he was also allowed in the other male’s room. “Like- he has two hair colors-! He’s got a pretty shade of purple, and the other half is a darker color! He has the most alluring eyes… He’s so tall and that makes him even look more fantastic! I want him to pick me up and I want to like… totally kiss me as he continues carrying me.” He started to talk non-stop about how much he loved the man.

Takashi didn’t interrupt his half brother talking, but he did take note in every single detail he said. He now confirmed that he’s seen the male before. He wanted to see how long it would take for Yo to actually stop fanboying about someone in his own universe. After about 5 to 10 minutes of straight talking, Yo began sitting up again to meet Takashi’s eyes. “Is there anything else you want to tell me?”

Yo grabbed the collar of Takashi and shook him a bit- it was only playful, not harmful in anyway. “If you allow me to talk about him more, we’re not going to be sleeping tonight., man.” He released him before he placed his own hand on his chest. “He’s so pretty I think I’m gonna faint.”

Takashi began chuckling before he patted his head. “Aww. You’re in love with a guy! I fully support you and I’d be so down in shipping you two!” He winked at him. Even if his wink may mean different things, he had to say that this time- it was just because he felt it was the right moment to do so.

“Shipping us? Right choice. We’re basically married.”

It was no surprise that the two boys took a long time before ending their conversation… Also it was no surprise for a brunette woman to be leaning on the door of her own son with tears in her eyes. “I support the ship so much.”

“Sae, you’ve been there for an hour.”

Emile/Kaoru

It’s been three days ever since their leader was marked as MIA. The day and nights were quiet, and no one felt happy during that span of a week. Emile tried to strum his guitar in a tune of a happy song, but even if he tried- it only ended up turning sadder as seconds passed by before he completely stopped... The thought of his leader gone hurt him too much.

There were several changes inside the house. No one even went in the room of Kaoru. No one even bothered to make jokes or have fun on the dining table. There were no smiles or teasing in the span of the week... It turned quiet. No one could actually feel happy if they knew he was gone. He sacrificed himself for the group... and that’s also the last words he said.

“I love you guys. Remember that, alright?”

Those were the last words he said before he got cut off with the rest of the members of the alliance. He turned off the ear piece, and they never heard his voice since. That was what made all the alliance’s hearts drop. Especially his gang members who were considered closest to him... He was their leader after all. He was the leader of the LA$T $HOT$- he made them a gang... And now he was gone.

Emile’s hands began shaking and he placed his guitar down. Once again, he couldn’t even finish the song. He wasn’t able to spot Kaoru listening, and he didn’t hear the compliments he usually gave. He didn’t hear the name “Guitar Hero”- a nickname which Kaoru specifically gave to him. All the memories came in his head, and Emile began curling into a ball- some tears dripping on his guitar.

“Mi amigo...Mi amigo Kaoru, he’s gone...” He mumbled to himself as he continued crying and he didn’t even try to stop himself from crying. It took him a couple of minutes to calm down. Once he stopped crying, he saw Isshiki go close to him, even patting his head

“Emile... We’re leaving soon, alright? We have to... meet the Chankul family.” He says this and Emile only looks up for a bit before nodding his head. He couldn’t find a way to respond. His throat felt too dry and his eyes were puffy from crying and Isshiki began talking again. “Let me get you some water, okay? I think you need it...”

“Thank you...” Emile thanks him in a soft voice, even if his voice was cracking. “... But maybe a water bottle is enough... So we can bring it along the way.” Once he says this, Isshiki continued to go to the refrigerator to get him some water. Yes... He was right. Everyone did act a bit different once Kaoru was gone.

After a few minutes, everyone was ready to go to the Chankul family- ready physically, but not mentally or emotionally. They were going to face his parents, after all. They already knew the news, so imagine how it would be like seeing them face-to-face.

Now it was time...

Emile gulped as he continued to look at the door of the Chankul house. He couldn’t bring himself to enter it, he only stayed in place. What was he supposed to do? If he entered there, he might end up crying just by the mere thought he was gone. It didn’t help that he was an emotional person. Even if he didn’t enter the place, he felt his eyes getting watery.

Everyone from the alliance gave stares at each other to see who would want to enter the room first- and the first person to open it was the childhood friend of Kaoru- who was Masae. She may have hesitated at first, but she decided to push the doors open- and it was to only spot Sakda standing on the other side of the floor.

He was waiting for their appearance, and he didn’t even bother opening his mouth to tell them to come in. He only waited, as he impatiently tapped his foot on the ground.

Emile has always been someone who could observe emotions pretty well, and he understood human beings very well. However at this moment, he couldn’t. It was probably because he couldn’t even control his own feelings. Each of them slowly approached the father of Kaoru, but they hurried up as soon as he said “Faster.”

“Señor Chankul...” He mumbled the name of the man, trying his best not to swallow his own words or sob while talking. “We’re sorry... We’re so sorry... I’m... I’m sorry...” He stopped trying the moment he started to apologize, and everyone began apologizing.

Even Eizan’s hand was shaking as he apologized- he didn’t want to show any kind of emotion that could bring down his pride- but maybe in the corner of eyes, there were something. The person who was considered as the most cheerful, Kuga, apologized in repeat as he clenched his fists tightly and refused to face his friend’s father. Dai, who was already damaged enough, was on his knees and apologizing as he hit the floor with his knuckles.

And Emile was there, dropping anything he held as he began crying. He wiped his tears away as he continued to apologize to the man. He didn’t know what to do because no matter how many tears, words or apologies- it won’t bring back one of the people most important to him...

Sakda watched all of them before sighing. “... It’s the mafia life. You should expect the worse. I can’t blame any of you. The only people to be blamed is fate and the enemies. I am well informed you all did your best.” He took this well and he only turned around before working off. “Any person could die at any moment, and we all know this. It’s something we should accept in the life of a yakuza member.”

“We still shoul apologize for having our best as not enough...” Emile brought up and Sakda raised his right arm.

“Enough talking. I’ve heard enough of this.” He says this before placing down his hand. “All apologies are accepted. Everyone has a chance of dying. Everyone has an equal chance.” He looked back at them for a moment. “... Well except for my son.” He paused. “Because he somehow has a bigger chance of surviving, as he escaped death itself once again.”

All the members only froze at the words he said and Sakda only continued walking to a room. “Bold of you to assume my son will agree to leave this world that easily. He’s trained by Yours Truly. Now get your asses here.”

They didn’t know how to take this all in- but all they should do was rush in behind Sakda.

Once Sakda opened the door, it revealed a male who was bandaging himself up, while having his hair tied up like his father. “You’ve got visitors, son who apparently came back to life.”

“Is it my all-” Before Kaoru could continued talking, he felt people push him to the ground by hugs. “Ow! Fuck! Okay wait, shit- that hurts-”

There were people crying and sobbing around Kaoru, and once he saw who they were- it was his members but Tetsuji. Just seconds later, they were all lifted up by the said man before being placed down again

“Don’t you ever do that again!” Emile yelled on the chest of Kaoru as he continued to cry. “We thought you lost you and... and-!”

“Sh... Guitar Hero...” That name was finally said again by the man he wanted to hear it from. “I was lost and now I’m found, alright?”

Instead of saying wore words, Emile only continued to cry on his leader- relieved he got to see his leader--- no, friend again.

#ask #writing #kasem #takashi #kaoru atitarn #other people's ocs #rosa #yo #emile

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v1ntagecassette · 6 years

Text

Your Best Shot

Summary: After Jack gives his "Vote No" speech at the Bowery, he runs off to try and gather his thoughts. Unfortunately, he comes to find that his rooftop is already occupied — and whoever is up here with him definitely isn't Katherine.

Warnings: Panic attack

Words: 4,100

Shouting. All around him, shouting. Hands grab at his shoulders, shoving him, pushing him toward money he knows he doesn’t want to take. But it’s in his fist now, pressed against his chest, and for a moment, there’s silence.

“Sellout,” someone hisses. The word shoots through Jack’s brain like a bullet, freezing him where he stands.

There’s adrenaline pulsing through his veins. It’s thick and it hums and it fills every inch of him, and Christ, he needs to get out of here, but someone makes the mistake of tapping him on the shoulder before he can stitch his thoughts together. He whips around reflexively, raising an arm at the offender.

It’s Les.

He almost took a swing at Les.

The Bowery descends into chaos.

Newsies fly in every direction — a sea of hats and frowns and frenzied eyes — and in the middle of it all stands a single figure, marooned in the maelstrom. His mouth is just barely ajar, his eyes full of some horrible amalgam of betrayal and desperation. Something in Jack’s chest feels like it’s about to shatter. He’s glued to the ground, but Davey must not be; he sets his jaw and turns on his heel, instantly getting swallowed up by the crowd.

“Davey —” Jack tries, but it’s quiet, far too quiet to be heard in the midst of this uproar. He wants to hit something. He wants to scream. Instead, he settles for storming off as fast as his legs will take him.

Hot July air makes it feel like he’s trudging through boiling water, but he pushes forward. His mind is racing. His lungs are fit to burst from the pressure. He winds through alleyways and hops tipped trash cans without so much as a glance in their direction, navigating without thought, desperate to get away. Nobody is chasing him, but that doesn’t matter.

His hand finds the rung of a ladder. The metal is rusted, just barely cool to the touch. He grips it hard for a moment; when it does nothing to ground him, he gives up and starts to climb. Hand over hand over hand over hand, he scales the building, hoists himself over the rooftop — and stops dead.

He’s not the only one up here.

Jack straightens up as quietly as he can and squints. It’s not exactly bright on this roof — the only real light comes from an open window a short ways away — but he can still make out a lanky silhouette with its back to him at the corner of the roof. There’s something in his hands… a piece of paper? And suddenly Jack’s surprise is swept away and replaced with fury, because this guy has no right to be looking at those. A moment later, he realizes who the figure is; it sends his heartbeat into overdrive.

“Davey.” It’s not a question.

The figure turns around, and Jack’s hypothesis is confirmed. Davey jumps, a deep crease in his brow, as he fumbles with the papers.

“Those ain’t yours,” Jack growls, snatching them with such force they nearly tear. His fingers tremble as he tries to roll them back up. “How’d ya even —”

“Find this place?” Davey finishes for him. “Specs told me. He figured you’d come here.”

“Well, good for him,” Jack says. He’s growing more and more frustrated as each attempt to jam the papers back into their tube results in failure. “Guess he was right.”

Davey takes one look at Jack and reaches carefully out to take the sheets away from him. Jack lunges in protest, but Davey holds them just out of his reach. “This… this is the Refuge, isn’t it?” He’s peering down at the drawings again like they’re the real thing. It fills his eyes with storm clouds. “Is this really where they took Crutchie?”

Instead of responding, Jack clenches his teeth and grabs at the papers a second time, succeeding at stuffing them unceremoniously into their metal container.

“It’s horrible,” Davey says softly. “All those rats, and boys crammed into the beds like that…”

“Don’t gotta tell me twice,” Jack mutters. He kicks at the tube and started to pace, following a well-worn trail back and forth across a small patch of roof. His hat is swept off his head; a hand rakes through his hair; the hat goes back on; his fingers curl into fists; they straighten back out. He can’t keep still. “Why’s you even here?”

Davey drags his palms nervously along the fabric of his pants. “I…”

“Wanna chew me out about the rally?” Jack demands, coming to a halt and trying his damndest to look Davey in the eye. “Go ahead.” Suddenly, he remembers the stack of cash in his pocket; he pulls it out without thinking, then drops it like it’s burned his hand.

“You’re working with Pulitzer,” Davey says. His eyes are turned down toward the money between them. “I want you to tell me why.”

Jack’s fingers jump up to worry at the bottom button of his vest. “It ain’t like that,” he says, but it is like that. “Katherine’s the one goin’ around stabbin’ us in the backs —”

“This isn’t about Katherine,” Davey says sharply. “Not right now. This is about you, and I want an explanation.”

An explanation? How in hell can Jack even begin to explain this? Even with the cards Pulitzer pulled, Jack still agreed to comply. That won’t excuse what he’s done.

“You gonna say anything?” Davey asks.

“What d’you want me to say?”

“Anything.” There’s a hint of desperation underlying his anger that’s almost too subtle to catch. “Anything that’ll explain why you’re working with Pulitzer, after everything he did to us!”

If Jack’s nerves were on edge before, this only increases the restlessness tenfold. “Guess he cut me a deal I couldn’t refuse,” he lies, suddenly defensive. “You know how much I love t’ pal around with the enemy. ‘Specially after he threatened me with Crutchie’s life, y’know, I jus’ couldn’t help but accept this stinkin’ wad o’ cash —”

In an instant, Davey has grabbed hold of Jack’s collar. They’re almost nose to nose, breathing hard, each filled with so many tangled emotions they might explode if something doesn’t happen soon.

“Are you listening to yourself?” Davey fumes. There’s a fire in his eyes that Jack’s never seen before. “Somebody should smack some sense into you!”

“Go ahead,” Jack says. He deserves this. He must deserve it. “Gimme your best shot.” All the boys think he’s a traitor, it doesn’t matter that he was trying to protect them. He’s working for the man he swore to take down; someone’s got to make him pay. “Just do it.”

The hand on Jack’s collar yanks him hard, but instead of clocking him, Davey surges forward and kisses him square on the lips.

This really isn’t how Jack thought their encounter would go.

His hands fly up reflexively, and though he wants to cup Davey’s face with them, he presses them into loose fists and pulls back. “Hey, hey, hey,” he says in a rush. “That — what — you —”

There’s a flush in Davey’s cheeks, but his gaze is focused and determined. “You gotta swear you didn’t do it for the money.”

“What?” Jack barely remembers what they were talking about thirty seconds before. His thoughts are jumbled up in his head.

“The money,” Davey repeats, nudging the almost forgotten stack between them with the tip of his shoe. “Why’d you take it? What was the deal?”

“There — I couldn’t do nothin’ else,” Jack says. His lips still feel warm. It’s distracting. “He had me pinned.”

Davey can tell he’s leaving something out. He shakes his head just a little and says, “You don’t strike me as one to cave under a little pressure from somebody higher up.”

“I told you, it ain’t like that.” Jack sticks his hands in his pockets to disguise the fact that they’re still trembling.

“Then what’s it like?”

Jack exhales, letting a out big puff of air to fill the time as he thinks. He casts his eyes toward the sky (where it’s too cloudy to see the stars) and bites his lip. “It don’t matter,” he decides.

“Wh — it really does, Jack,” Davey says, tone bordering on incredulous. “Half the newsies in the Bowery thinks you betrayed them, there’s… there’s gotta be some reason you did this.”

“Let’s say I betrayed ‘em, then,” Jack says to the clouds. “If it keeps Snyder from gettin’ his filthy paws on those boys, then — like I said — it don’t matter.”

“So you did it for the boys.”

“I did it for you,” Jack says. Then, catching himself, he continues: “For all o’ you.”

Davey takes a small step forward (which, considering the length of his legs, is actually a pretty big step; he’s only a few feet away from Jack now). “I still think there’s somethin’ you’re not telling me.” He pretends to ignore the way Jack sidles away as he comes closer.

“Pulitzer’s a persuasive fella,” Jack says, dodging the question. “He knows a weak spot when he sees one.”

“And what was your weak spot?” Davey’s eyebrows are raised in that infuriatingly curious way of his, and Jack finally surrenders.

“He was gonna get you an’ Les locked up,” he mumbles. “In the Refuge. The rest o’ the boys, too, but… I dunno, I jus’ thought about losin’ you, and I… I made my choice, Davey.”

For a short while, there’s silence. Jack takes a moment to grasp the railing unsteadily and lean slightly over it, noting that it’s cooler up here than it was on the streets; a slight breeze has picked up that might be enough to give tree branches a decent rustle if there were any nearby. The rooftop is too high to let him hear any of the city commotion below. He’s grateful for that.

“You did it for Les and me?” Davey finally asks.

Jack shrugs. Just you, really, he thinks, but he’d never say it out loud.

“You coulda told me,” Davey says, “at the Bowery. Why’d you have to give a speech like that?”

“What are you, stupid?” Jack asks. He rolls his eyes when Davey just blinks at him. “We was packed in there like lambs to the slaughter. Pulitzer had eyes on every corner o’ that rally — he’d’a noticed me talkin’, and Snyder woulda been in there faster than you’s can say Refuge.”

“But —”

“There ain’t no buts!” Jack can feel his heart rate picking up again as he relinquishes his hold on the railing and whips around. “If we keep strikin’, Pulitzer keeps pushin’. A few hundred ants ain’t enough to stop an elephant, Davey. He’ll stomp us all into the dirt just like he’s been doin’, and there’s no way we’s gonna last longer than him an’ his damn bulls.”

Davey lets a short beat hang in the air. His eyes flicker over Jack’s restless, fidgeting fingers and heaving chest. “You’re right,” he says. “A hundred ants would never be enough.”

“So… what, you’s agreein’ with me?”

“Of course a few hundred would lose,” Davey says, clearly building up to something, “but a few thousand would knock that elephant right off its feet.”

Jack shifts his weight back and forth between his legs. “The hell are you tryin’ t’say?” He watches warily as Davey pulls a folded square of notepad paper from his pocket, steels himself, and begins to speak.

“‘For the sake of all the kids in every sweatshop, factory, and slaughter house in New York,’” he reads, “‘I beg you… join us.’”

Jack blinks. “Wh — those is —”

“Your words,” Davey finishes, folding the paper back up. “Katherine gave them to me, she said they might help —”

“What, so she sent you to come an’ find me?”

“No!” Davey is growing noticeably exasperated. “I told you I asked Specs myself. But Kath had an idea, and I think it’s a pretty good one —”

“An’ does it involve double crossin’ us again?”

“Would you just let me talk —”

“‘Cause I’m not so sure we oughta be consortin’ with her after all’s she did —”

“She didn’t double cross us, she’s trying to help —”

“She never even thought t’ mention she’s Pulitzer’s kid!”

“Jack.”

“I mean, we trusted her, but for all we knows she could jus’ be another one o’ his — his cronies —”

“Jack.”

“An’ now you’s tryin’ to talk me into somethin’ else after I jus’ ruined everythin’ with them boys an’ they ain’t even gonna trust me no more ‘cause I’m so —”

Jack has enough steam in him to rattle on for hours, but all the words on his tongue are cut off as Davey’s lips meet his for a second time. His brain is shouting at him to stay angry, to pull back again, but he can’t help the way one of his hands comes up to settle on Davey’s cheek, can’t help the way his eyes drift closed. He leans into it, just for a moment — the warmth, the bitterness, the confusion — then gently breaks away.

“You gotta stop doin’ that,” he says to the ground. His hand doesn’t move, and neither does Davey.

“Sorry.”

Don’t be, Jack thinks, but he can’t get the words out. He doesn’t want Davey to stop doing that. “No,” he says instead, turning back toward the railing and grasping it tight. “No, I am. I jus’… I can’t lose anyone else.” He hates how pathetic that sounds.

“You won’t,” Davey says, his voice soft. “I told you there was a plan, didn’t I?”

Jack lets out a sigh. “I ain’t so sure I wanna hear it.”

“Well, you’re gonna.” He’s got the square of paper in his hand again, and Jack swears he can hear the smile in his voice. “It’s called the Children’s Crusade.”

“I —”

“Let me finish,” Davey tells him, waving the paper in Jack’s direction. “When Katherine gave this to me — hey, I said let me finish — she told me she could publish it. Like a rallying call for all the kids in Manhattan, all the kids in New York. I think if we pair it with one of your drawings —”

Jack steps defensively in front of the metal tube that holds them. “Those ain’t up for grabs,” he says. “An’ I don’t know if —”

“Jackie,” Davey says, and the argument dies in Jack’s mouth. “This strike isn’t just about the newsies anymore. It’s about every last kid in New York who’s out there working, when they should be at home with their folks. If we all come together and demand our basic rights — I mean, think about it. There’s gotta be thousands of us, we’d shut down half the state! There’s no way Pulitzer could ignore that!”

There’s a glint in Davey’s eyes. They glitter with sheer excitement as they search Jack’s face for any indication that he’s willing to go along with this, and Jack just watches him, thinking, mulling over what he’s said so hard that the gears in his brain must be sparking as they grind together.

There are two ways this could go: very well or very poorly. He’s already seen the lowest end of that spectrum, and it showed him Crutchie, beaten and bloody and dragged away. Can he really go through that again, just on the off chance that some stingy old man might let him hang onto a few dimes a day if they win?

“Hey,” Davey says, drawing him from his thoughts. “I know what you must be thinking.”

“Y’know, I really don’t think you do,” Jack says flatly. “You saw those sketches. Terrible, right? Rats, dirt, holes in the walls, all o’ that.”

“Yeah…?”

“Well that ain’t the worst of it.” Jack’s knuckles have gone white around the railing. “I’ve seen kids die in there, Davey. There ain’t enough food t’ go around. It’s wet, an’ it’s cold, an’ half the boys get so sick they can’t hardly walk. One day, you’s givin’ your rations t’ some twelve-year-old with a missin’ tooth — the next, his bed is empty, an’ there’s some new schmuck in his place.”

“Then we have to tell people!” Davey insists. He’s trying to make Jack look him in the eye. “We can’t let an institution that… that horrible stay open if all it does is make Snyder rich! It’s a violation of —”

“Do me a favor,” Jack says, “and shut it for a second.” He waits for Davey to stop spluttering before he continues. “If we do this, sure, it could work. But what if it don’t?”

“We won’t know unless we —”

“What if the cops turn back up?” Jack plows on. “Thousands o’ kids floodin’ the streets, and I’d bet you half of ‘em don’t got folks. Hell, Davey, you do, and Pulitzer was still ready to rip you away from ‘em! Who’s t’say this ‘crusade’ o’ yours won’t pack the Refuge even fuller than it is now?”

The expression playing across Davey’s face is one that pulls painfully at Jack’s heart. He thinks about kissing Davey himself just to make that look go away, but he can’t bring himself to let go of his own pain long enough to do it.

“Does anyone else know what it’s like in there?” Davey asks, his voice impossibly gentle.

“It — s’not important.”

“Jack.”

“No.” He rubs at the back of his neck. “No one does.”

Davey takes half a step, then another when Jack doesn’t edge away. He reaches tentatively forward, keeping his eyes on Jack for any indication that he should back off, and slowly takes the other’s hand. Neither of them says anything for a while.

The breeze on the rooftop starts to pick up, turning a once-sweltering summer night into something a little more bearable. Jack turns his face toward it, letting the air wash over him, and tries not to think for a minute. (It doesn’t work; there are too many things to think about. At least he’s starting to calm down.)

“I think it’s worth it,” Davey says quietly, breaking the silence.

Jack doesn’t reply.

“I know you’re worried about the boys.” There’s a “but” coming, Jack can tell. “But it’d be impossible for Snyder to catch that many of us. He’d be outnumbered a hundred to one. And if the crusade works, we could get all the boys who are in the Refuge now out of it. If we do this right — Jack, we could get Crutchie back.”

Still, Jack doesn’t speak, but the way he tightens his grip on Davey’s hand is enough to let the other know he’s listening. More than listening, really; he might be about to say yes.

“You wanna keep these kids safe, right?” Davey asks. He’s close enough now that their arms brush together. “What better way to do that than by helping every child in New York make a living wage? You’d be their savior.”

“I don’t wanna be nobody’s savior,” Jack says. Davey just stares at him. He exhales. Drops his chin toward his chest. “I — Y’know what? Fine. Let’s do it.”

In an instant, Davey’s face splits into a grin. His grip on the other’s hand loosens, but Jack only has to wonder why for a millisecond; Davey has thrown his arms around him, nearly launching them both over the railing in his excitement.

“Whoa, hey,” Jack says, scrambling to regain his footing. “Don’t make me take it back.”

“Sorry.” Davey lets him go, still beaming. “You’re not gonna regret this.” He falters slightly as Jack lets out a short laugh. “What’re you giggling about?”

“Nothin’,” Jack says. “It’s just — wasn’t you the one who never even wanted t’strike in the first place?”

“That was before I knew you,” Davey says dismissively.

“I’m, ah, pretty sure we’s known each other for a while.”

“Before I knew you like this,” he clarifies. “You know. As someone who cares so much about a bunch of boys he’d ruin his reputation for them without a second thought.”

“That makes me sound much more excitin’ than I am.”

“I think you’re plenty exciting,” Davey says.

“Yeah, well…” Jack can’t think of much to say to that. He looks down at his hand in Davey’s and reluctantly lets it go, taking a small step back. “Now that we’s got that settled,” he says carefully, “d’ya think maybe we should talk about the, ah…” He makes a vague gesture, pointing between the two of them, and Davey gives a small nod.

“Sure,” he says to the air some two feet to the left of Jack’s head. “I… Well, I didn’t come up here to kiss you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“If we’s bein’ honest, I ain’t sure what I’m thinkin’,” Jack admits. He picks at a patch of fabric on the leg of his pants. “Y’shoulda just punched me.”

The corner of Davey’s mouth quirks upward. “I almost did.”

“But you didn’t.”

“I didn’t,” he agrees, looking out over the rooftops. The lights below them reflect in his eyes.

“So… what now?” Jack asks.

“Well, we’ll have to find a printing press,” Davey says matter-of-factly. “There’s gotta be one that Pulitzer doesn’t control. We’ll call all the newsies in once we find it, I’m sure Brooklyn’ll want in on helping us, and then we’ll have to get Katherine to —”

“No, slow down,” Jack says, cutting him off. He’s tugging at the cuff on one of his sleeves. “I — I’m talkin’ about us. What happens wit’ us?”

“Oh.”

“I mean, we ain’t exactly compatible.” Davey looks almost hurt by this, but Jack is unfazed. “You’s smart. You got school t’go to once your folks is sorted out, an’ you got Les t’look after, an’ I’m — you can do better than me.”

“Jack, that’s not —”

“Look me in the eye an’ tell me I’m wrong.”

Without a second’s hesitation, Davey locks eyes with him; the speed with which he does it is almost startling. “You’re wrong,” he says, and he means it. His hands find their way to each of Jack’s cheeks. “You are so wrong, Jack Kelly.”

Jack tries to shrink away, but Davey’s hands, while gentle, hold him in place. “So we’s supposed t’ take Pulitzer down with the power o’ love?” he tries to joke.

“Why not?” Davey chuckles. Jack doesn’t seem convinced.

“I jus’ want this t’work,” he says. He manages to tug his face free and slides down to sit against the railing.

“Of course you do,” Davey says reasonably, joining him on the ground. He pauses for a moment, pensive, drumming his fingers on his bent knee. “We’re gonna win.”

Jack can’t restrain himself from letting his head bang lightly on the railing behind him. Davey Jacobs, ever the optimist, always sure that the facts are on his side. It’s a hard thing for Jack to wrap his head around.

“An’ how d’you know that?” he asks.

“I don’t,” Davey admits. “But I really think we can do this. We’ve got the boys, and we’ve got Kath. That’s enough backup for a small army.”

Jack exhales through his teeth. “How can you believe in somethin’ so much?” he asks, his voice tired.

“Because I believe in you,” Davey says. He smiles sympathetically when Jack shakes his head. “You started this strike. You gave the newsies a reason to keep fighting. Let’s see it through to the end.” His hand works its way into Jack’s again, but his gaze is trained on the sky.

When Jack tries to open his mouth, no sound comes out. There are too many words in his head, too many thoughts to try and express. He glances over at Davey, who sits quietly with his eyes on the clouds, and manages the ghost of a smile. That knot in his chest is finally beginning to loosen.

The Children’s Crusade… In full honesty, he still doesn’t think it’s a wise idea. But after seeing that undying certainty in Davey’s expression, he can’t help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, this might work out the way he prays it will.

Jack has something to believe in, too, now that he knows someone — Davey — believes in him. An infinitesimal glimmer of hope has taken root in his chest. If Davey is this certain that the plan will work, then dammit, Jack will just have to follow him blindly until the promise he makes becomes a reality:

They’re gonna finish this strike, and they’re gonna win.

Read it on Wattpad and AO3

A/N: Something about this scene always felt a little off to me, and the other day, I realized it boiled down to two main issues: 1.) it was WAY too short, and 2.) Katherine just... isn't a great character. So I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone and make it gayer in the process.

#newsies #jack kelly #davey jacobs #jack kelly x david jacobs #newsies fic #newsies oneshot #broadway #musicals #long post

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ghostmartyr · 7 years

Text

SnK 98 Thoughts

Can my post this month just have a bunch of pictures of fish flopping around on the ground? Because at this moment, that is what this chapter has spawned the greatest empathy in me for.

At least the fish get to die.

The Marley saga never dies.

It is an evil Energizer Bunny come for us all.

My ability to care about the Marley side has been dying (dead?) for a while, but I think this chapter is where I just can’t stand it anymore. I just. The last bit of my creative energy went into being envious of a dying fish. I don’t care about Marley’s continued horribleness. I don’t care about moments of levity for the young kidlets who are either going to die terrible deaths or coerce other cast members into dying terrible deaths. I do not care about Diet Reiss. The Giants aren’t in the playoffs, so I really don’t care about baseball.

Have a Zeke.

.Someone wake me from this nightmare.

Turning the volume down on my mental screams a tad... I’m still trapped in how little I care about any of this.

Large portions of it are clearly framework for things that haven’t happened yet. Staring at scaffolding that doesn’t even have the decoration of drying paint isn’t my usual definition of fun. I appreciate that the story is setting up its dominoes, and looks to be taking significant care with doing so, but--well, in lieu of repeating myself ad nauseam, yeah.

What it really comes down to, I think, is that these aren’t our protagonists. The kidlets and the Warriors are all the shining stars of the Marleyan Eldians, and Magath and Willy surely have some other grand scheme going on to propel the plot into interesting places for their country.

So what?

For ninety chapters, the story has been preoccupied with the concerns of a tiny island. Eight chapters with people who don’t consider their stories worth hearing about can’t elicit the same responses.

We get the highest concentration of levity we’ve had in ages with this chapter, and a lot of it is thanks to tiny children. They’re small and cute and innocent. The impulse to sympathize is ready and waiting, and it is very keenly exploited here. Who wouldn’t want two pages depicting how completely whipped Reiner is by a set of four children?

It’s a humanizing element, and more fun to read than much of this arc has been, but it’s difficult to feel that it has a real point.

One of the reasons previous chapters have worked, even through some pits and clumsiness, is that Reiner gets most of the attention. Reiner, happy about it or not, is a person who is familiar with both worlds of this conflict.

Paradis is not just a place with monsters to him, the way it is for Zeke. It’s the place of Reiner’s nightmares because he lived a life there, and deep down, he understands the citizens of Paradis.

His denial of that is a whole separate topic that could use a different chapter as a launchpad, but Reiner is still aware of the world in a way that the other cogs of Marley aren’t. He’s fully committed to our current perspective side, but he carries the burdens of both.

No one else has that problem. They have the age-old problem of titans in the world of humans. The kidlets are Eldians fighting for a better life for Eldians through supporting Marley. The Marleyans are trying to keep the rest of the world from eating them alive. The rest of the world is waiting to hear why they shouldn’t.

Paradis barely exists as a real place for the rest of the cast. It’s a mine. It’s there to supply people on the outside with the resources to survive.

All on its own, that’s not a bad thing to explore. The complete obliteration of any Paradis perspective is very much how the outside world functions in regard to the island. No one on any mainland cares about those people.

The audience doesn’t have that problem. Ninety chapters is a lot of history.

So that’s part of it. The other part is what I’ve been railing against nearly every month since this arc started.

Marley sucks.

The players of this arc are occupying a different story than the one we’re used to, and the fights they’re embittered in are ones that begin in such moral depravity that attempts to make their plight sympathetic fall flat. The Warriors are sympathetic because they’re being used, dragged forward by a carrot that no one seems to care about delivering. Likewise with the kidlets, since they’re too young to know anything but putting their best game face on and trying hard.

But the core of the conflict is that a bunch of jackasses can’t go a single generation without genocide, and those jackasses are not who the protagonists of this arc are preparing to go up against.

I have to compliment Isayama on how frustratingly human the night before the festival is, really. We get a more expansive look at Marley’s victims, and they have no love in their hearts for Eldians or Marley.

Willy’s okay, though.

Willy’s their buddy.

It doesn’t make any sense for people who hate Eldians and hate Marley to be okay with a man who represents both. But they are, because Willy is just one person, and he’s a person that these people have come to know. They’re familiar with him. He isn’t like those other Eldians. He isn’t like the rest of Marley. He’s a worthy human person.

No one at that party’s going to look at him and the little serving boy and think they have anything to do with each other, even though their blood has everything to do with why the little boy is going to be belittled by the people he’s bringing food to.

It’s disgusting, and it’s exactly what people do. As long as they never become the rule, there’s nothing wrong with exceptions. The idea that those exceptions mean the rules are ridiculous somehow never comes up.

As a depiction of humanity, it works pretty well, but going back to whining, it’s one more layer to how meaningless the destruction of this conflict is. This chapter’s ending tagline is, “Those who seek peace have no choice but to fight others who seek the same for themselves.”

If this statement is shooting for aphorism, no.

If it’s a commentary about Eldians fighting Eldians, yes, and the above no is why this is such a pain.

The Eldians in Marley are seeking peace from the treatment bestowed upon them by Marley. They are doing this by going after Paradis. The resulting sensible reaction to threat of genocide means that fighting happens, and that is a very sad thing.

Two sides, desperate for peace, should have the choice of not fighting. That can be very helpful for a thing like peace. But that choice has been systematically removed from one side, so. yay.

Characters with the very real and sympathetic desire for peace have all of that undermined by the active role they take in constantly keeping everything from being peaceful--in the name of peace.

What it boils down to is that the characters who have motivations that are understandable are repeatedly reaching the conclusion of genocide. You can’t sell that. Rooting for the bad guys is only fun when their selected aim is relatable.

Pulling off the perfect heist? Obviously wrong but LOOK HOW COOL

Defeating the undefeated superhero? Holy cow someone really did it.

Protecting your country? That’s normal, right?

Wanting a better world for your people? Awesome!

Genocide? ...

That is supposed to be one of the universal Not Okay things of the world. History books written by the societies who did that are very clear about it.

Even if all of the lives Marley has already cost Paradis are ignored, their mission statement when it comes to that island is that they want to steal something they have no claim to whatsoever. Solving your country’s problems by being the same entitled pricks that caused them to begin with is not a good thing.

There’s a lot of relatable material to be found in the hearts of Marleyan people. That doesn’t make their conclusions any less appalling, so all of this time devoted to this side of the conflict feels really, really pointless. Their reasons are nowhere close to excusing what they’re up to, and the story stepping into their world and listening to the side that says it totally does... The overall picture is pretty clear on condemning this tripe. These aren’t the people who are going to change the world for the better, and one thing this series consistently cares about is people trying to shoot higher. The close-ups of Marley digging a pit instead just aren’t working.

Now that I’ve said all that, the only logical conclusion is that Willy is going to announce at the festival that it is time for the world to become the bestest buddies with Paradis and not actually declare war on them or hurt them, and then they’ll be pals and prance off into the sunset with rainbows scattered like rose petals.

I’m only sort of kidding. Like I said, the story’s pretty clear on the whole that murder, oppression, and all the other things Marley picked up from their time under Eldia’s thumb are wrong. This deep into their perspective, one of the few twists remaining is doing something right, and less murder and more diplomacy might not be a bad start.

But this chapter kicks off with Reiner being ignored while he tries to help devise military strategies against Paradis, so that’s probably going to end up being too much to hope for.

I’m pretty terrible at plot speculation, which is probably another reason why this chapter finally sent me over the deep end. Magath and Tybur are clearly up to something, and I don’t care enough about either of them to be curious instead of frustrated. The basic thing was Magath needing an exterminator and an explosives expert, and Diet Reiss putting on a show, and I imagine both of those things are ominous foreshadowing of some kind and aaaaaaaaa

The one thing that I did kind of wonder about was Eren being a mouse with a baseball mitt. A few people have speculated that he’s actually in contact with Zeke, not island buddies, and if that’s the case, of course big brother is responsible for the glove, because baseball is the only way Zeke knows how to pretend he’s well-adjusted.

If it is from Zeke, then it seems likely that Eren is very much one of the mice Magath is talking about (and I’d very much like to know who the other ones are), but then that’s... its own type of weird. Presumably, Eren’s only contact with Zeke was that one awkward battlefield moment. Eren choosing to communicate with Zeke while he’s behind enemy lines just seems really, really risky, and I have no idea why he’d do that, but I also don’t know why the series would be so heavy-handed with the baseball stuff if it wasn’t meant to intensify the blood family feels in a significant fashion.

Knowing what the heck Eren is up to is probably going to help my feelings on these chapters greatly in the future.

Alas, that is not the now, and so I am left to suffer and ask myself why I ever thought writing a thing about a thing every month could end positively.

I do find it vaguely amusing that Eren’s first contact with his grandfather is encouraging him into a screaming fit. That probably just makes me a terrible person, but it feels oddly appropriate.

...Maybe Zeke left the glove for his grandad and Eren nicked it.

Wow, Eren. First stealing all of dad’s love, then stealing memories of precious moments with grandpa. This is why your found family is bonded to you through murder.

One thing in this chapter I did really like was the scene between Colt and Zeke. For Colt, watching Falco succeed is a horrible thing. He doesn’t want his little brother to end up cursed.

Galliard, watching nearby, had an older brother who thought the same thing. Marcel’s dead because of that fear.

Zeke, whose little brother is alive and who knows what else to him, understands big brother instincts and decides to go play catch with his successor (probably the closest thing to a brother he has access to at the moment).

Meanwhile Galliard sulks at the brotherly love, Pieck notices and cares, and Reiner is trying to ignore that his life is happening.

Beautiful.

Everything to do with Falco is also wonderful. He works hard, improves, thanks the person who’s helped him, and even shouts his feelings out to the girl he likes!

Unfortunately, the girl he likes is Gabi.

I really have to laugh, though:

“So you’re trying to say you’re getting in my way for my sake and claiming that you’re doing it for me??”

Yeah. That’s about what romance looks like in this series. Have fun, you two.

(The wounds Gabi leaves on Falco’s heart are the real reason he hangs out in hospitals.)

And of course, the most magnificent Falco moment comes from being so purely happy at leading Reiner down a creepy abandoned cellar to meet with an escaped hospital inmate. This kid is so jazzed over doing good deeds for Eren. He deserves a better setting. Say... a farm. On an island. With other children who have suffered the world’s cruelty. ...Would his parents have to get killed off first?

I hope his brain doesn’t break too badly when he finds out what he’s started. I also hope that one of the adults in the room asks him to leave before things get too messy. Falco’s a good kid and doesn’t deserve a quarter of the angst gathered in this dark room.

He’s smiling.

How many characters even know how to do that in this series?

Please let him die last. Or first, if that would be easier on him.

Anyway, I should probably say something about Reiner and Eren.

The only thing I can really think of is the first thing Eren says to Reiner is a reference to Reiner’s stated goal of living while they were pals, and in a similar time frame, Eren’s stated goal was eliminating every last titan.

...That’s probably reading a bit much into it.

It’s loaded enough that Eren is willing to reference Reiner’s desire to go back home. That’s the only thing that Reiner got out of that whole mission, and what he lost possibly wasn’t worth it in his mind. But of the two, he is the one who achieved what he said he set out to do, so kudos.

This really can’t end well.

I’d like it to. Eren and Reiner are both so incredibly damaged by everything they’ve done and had done to them that it would be nice if they could just agree that this is all fucked up, btw, we’re back to killing each other tomorrow, see you then, just wanted to say hi first. Or they could skip the killing each other part entirely.

I don’t know about deserving peace, but they both need it, and I think it would be nice if they could reach it somehow. Meeting underground is a good start; it means Eren isn’t looking for a brawl.

(There is no way this is a sanctioned Survey Corps assignment. Too many people would yell at him for trying to do this on his own.)

Next month, place your bets. Are we finally going back to Paradis? Will Eren and Reiner be left staring at each other for four months of infodump? Is Willy going to finally fulfill his dream of being a director? Is his play going to be any good? Will I finally stop typing the same monthly rant about Marley?

I fear the answer to that last one is no, but for the rest, oh, the possibility!

Something

might happen!

#Shingeki no Kyojin #SnK 98 #shingeki no spoilers #SnK spoilers #spoilers #tl;dr #chapter post #this is another one that I have to apologize for #my brain just gave up #I am really really sorry

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jordan102791 · 4 years

Text

The Demons that Lie and the Ones that Remember

She knew she shouldn't stay up late reading, but she had to finish and see if they turned out together in the end or if she'd rail against the girl's decision to stay with the other man. The witching hour, when all the creepy crawlies slink out of their lairs. When all her demons could come out for a visit.

Folding the book cover closed. The ending brushing its peace over her. She nestles down under the covers, and the darkness seeks its opportunity.

*****

>Suddenly, she's back in the dimness that only comes from night time in the snow. Her lungs burning in the cold air. The crispness of the air clinging in her red nose. Her boots crunch the icy layer at the bottom, the powdery top sticking to the shoes.

>The frozen burn of crystals slipping inside. The dampness from her pant leg that will take hours to seep from her bones. The moonlight illuminating everything around them as she trails slightly behind his hulking frame.

*****

"No. No, no, no," her mind screeches at her. "Shut it down. Shut it all off." Her heart beat picking up, but not yet to the rate of panic yet. "Shift gears. Don't engage those thoughts. Breathe."

*****

>"Your period started right?" His eyes searing into her as she trembled. She hoped he couldn't see the way he scared her, that he'd just think she shivered from the cold.

>"Yes," she lied. "But you said you just wanted to talk, so why does it even matter?" God forgive her for lying. It was the only way she could think to protect her body, by compromising her soul.

*****

"Breathe. Remember all those exercises we did with the therapist. Start counting."

*****

>"I know you still want me," his gruff voice rumbles in the quiet of his truck parked away in the shadows.

>"No, I don't want to get back together again. My mind won't change on that."

>"You love me."

>"I did, but I can't do this anymore. I can't live this way."

>"What way?"

>"I have to watch everything I say or do, you don't really like me. You just like the idea of me. And when I don't live up to it, you get so angry. You say horrible things to me."

>"I told you I was sorry for all of that. Why can't you just let it go? Things will be different now."

*****

>"Things will be different now..." Echoing unanswered in her mind. A broken record, playing the notes that tear through her mind over and over again.

*****

>A shot of ice down her spine as he reveals more of how unstable he's becoming. He wants to kill himself when she's not there.

>The fear of what's to stop him from trying to take her with him. Who would stop him from hurting her family. She could suffer the consequences of the mistake she made, but if her mom got hurt bc of her, it would be like ripping her own heart out. He knew where she lived. He had family in law enforcement. She was a nobody daughter to a single mother. Who would try to stop him? Who would even care what he might do to her?

>Laying in her little twin bed that barely fit in her tiny bedroom at night, she cried thinking about how she could never get away from him. Would this be how the rest of her life would go? Could she live with that? Then she'd look to the closed bedroom door and think of the woman sleeping across the hallway. Yes, if it meant keeping the one person she knew without a doubt loved her safe, she would do all of it. She'd give in to the misery. She'd protect her. At all costs.

*****

"You have to slow down your breathing. Get it under control. Get yourself under control." Looking to the man sleeping by her side, so unlike the one plaguing her memories. Reminding her that everything is different in this new world of hers. She's different.

She wants to cling to him, but the thought of waking him bc she can't get control churns her stomach. She doesn't even know how to explain. She doesn't even know why it picked now to emerge. She rubbed a hand across the soft skin of his back. He's exhausted and doesn't need her problems in the middle of the night.

"Distraction. Distraction should help. Think of all those nice happy scenes in those books you read. The movies that make you laugh."

*****

>"Come on doll baby. I know you still love me."

>"That doesn't mean we should be together."

>"You know I love you, if we love each other then why shouldn't we be together?" Her silence palpable as she leans closer to the frosted window. "Or is it because you want to fuck other guys?"

>Her head snaps up to face his. She knows this is about to go down hill faster than a derby car without brakes. And there's no way to stop this either. Her heart pounding hard in her chest. It's coming for her. The darkness to swallow her up again.

>"I'm not fucking other guys," she says quietly. "You know you're only the second guy I've ever had sex with."

>"You're such a lying whore. I know what you're doing when you aren't with me."

>"I promise I haven't. Even when you break up with me and I date other people, I haven't."

>"You're lying. I know you're lying. You just can't keep your whore legs shut. Or your mouth to yourself. You're mine and they shouldn't be touching you."

>"I haven't touched anyone besides you when we're together, but you're the one that breaks up with me over and over again. Why can you be with someone else when you dump me and I can't? We aren't together."

>"You're such a moron. How can you be so stupid? Those guys don't love you, only I love you and I don't want to be with some whore who's sleeping with everyone she meets."

*****

"Ok, think. Think of the lines that stuck with you lately that you've read. 'Hospitality of knives.' 'Rattle the stars.' 'Kneel to no one.'" The quotes jumble and swirl together in a series of images flooding her mind.

*****

>"Come here."

>"No. I told you I'm not doing this."

>"Why not? You love me don't you?"

>"No. I don't want to love you anymore."

>"But you still do. So come here."

>"No. I'm going to go home. You don't want to listen to me and I don't want to get back together. I don't want this."

>The lock flips on the truck door as she reaches for the handle.

***** Characters walking on the beach, hands clasped. The breeze off the water tangling her hair.

A couple swaying together as a wedding DJ bumps out music to the dance floor. The dim ambiance of the room.

Cartoon farm animals dancing in a barn.

Breaths coming too quickly. Panting, "You're right here. That was years ago. He can't touch you now. You're ok. It's all over."

*****

>The bitterness of him in her mouth. The cringe as she's forced to swallow or choke. His hand tightly wound in her hair, holding her in place. Pulling on her scalp in his unforgiving grip.

>"See. I knew you'd like it. Too bad about your period though, I know you would've wanted more if I could have given it to you. You would've liked that, right?" Finally, pushing her up off of him, towards the door.

>Tears, streaming down her cheeks. She avoids his eyes and stays quiet. She didn't want any of this.

>"You would've fucked me if you could have, right?" He prompts again. Fear rattling in her lungs at his dangerous tone. She quietly nods, wanting nothing more than to leave. To run back home through the snow and crawl into her bed and break down. To just die there so she doesn't have to worry anymore. "Or would you rather be a slut and fucking someone else?" No matter what she would have said to that she just shook her head, wanting to escape.

***** >Walking in the snow alone. He offered to walk her back, but she just wanted away from him. Shivering. Not sure if It's from the cold or what just happened.

*****

>"I love you."

>"Love you too," she squeaks out quietly around the lump in her throat. She doesn't mean it in that moment, but fears more than ever before the consequences of not reciprocating.

>He leans across the bench seat as she wills her body to hold still. She could've given a statue a run for its money, not even breathing. He kisses her forehead and then her lips, unlocking the doors for her to make her great escape.

*****

Bile churning in her stomach. "You were so stupid back then. How could you let that happen to yourself?" But she knows exactly why she did. Fear and love. So desperate for someone to love her, she betrayed and didn't look too closely. For love, she put herself through it, so someone else wouldn't pay the price for her. Afraid he'd come back for her and her family if she rejected him. Scared he'd kill her right then if she fought back. The abuse was bad, but at least she was still alive.

*****

>"You know you want to."

>"No. I want to go home. Let me out."

>"You can't go. You haven't given me what I want yet." His hand reaching for the button of his jeans; the fly being tugged down to release him.

>"Please. Just let me go home. We agreed before this nothing would happen."

>"So you can just run off and be with some other guy?"

*****

She can't tell if she's breathing too fast and hard or not breathing at all anymore. She was a liar. She lied. She lied to protect herself the only way she knew how. "What if you hadn't? What would he have made you do then?" God would have to forgive her for lying. He would forgive her. "Please forgive me," her mind clinging to the thought.

A scene from a horror movie popping into her head. A man lying to get in the house. He would try to kill everyone. The voices lying to het people to look. The demons. The demons lied.

*****

>His hand tugging her hair hard, pulling her to him. Pushing her down into his lap.

>"I know what you want." His husky voice filling in the silence her grunt left behind.

*****

>The bitterness. So bitter. A cringe racking her body as she swallowed.

*****

A woman walking to a car ablaze, stepping inside, one high heeled shoe lost in her mindless walk. Burning. She would die there. They all die outside.

*****

>"I love you."

>"Love you too."

*****

"Can't breathe. They won't stop. Why won't it stop."

The man from the movie ripping down curtains. They have to see. A woman launching herself through the window. She sees everything.

*****

>"God please tell me he didn't give me anything," she prays from her bed. "He took what he wanted from me, but please don't let him have left anything behind." She knew he sleeping with others between bouts with her. He'd never kept that a secret from her, but lord forbid she talk to another guy. Her hands shook as the pleas to God looped around and back through her head again.

*****

>Ramming himself as far down her throat as he could reach. Bringing tear to her eyes. Breathing around him stilted. Begging for air whereever to could get it.

*****

The images all crashing into each other like the tides. "You deserved it. You betrayed your friend for him."

The liar trying to kill birds in a cage. The old man trapped in a garage, the door slowly raising.

"But you told her the truth later. She'd never be your friend again, but you told the truth. She blocked you. She hates you. But you told the truth. He's all hers now. She chose him. Even after everything you told her. You told the truth."

*****

>Tucked into the corner of the bench seat away from him. The darkness outside consuming her from the inside. "You would've fucked me if you could've, right?"

*****

"You deserved your fiance cheating with your 'friend' bc of what you did to someone you had called a friend. It was Karma. You did it, so she came back for you. You deserved all of what happened to you. You did this to yourself."

The woman hopping in the car on fire. Her shoe resting on its side, forgotten in the grass as she keeps walking.

*****

>She wouldn't let him see her cry. She wouldn't, then he'd know. She couldn't give him reason to hurt her more. Holding it in. Holding everything in. She did this to herself, now she'd suffer the consequences.

>"I love you."

>"Love you too."

*****

The liar trying to kill the birds. The demons. The demons lying. A woman throwing herself under a blanket on the bed hiding from them. The old man. The garage door opening. Lying to get in the door. The woman in the woods, blindfold over her eyes. A little boat down a foggy river.

*****

>She should have bit it off. She wanted to. She didn't want this, but she wanted to live. What would he do to her before she could get free? What would he do?

*****

A man sacrificing himself for the woman and two kids. A woman throwing herself through a window to join the windows. A man trying to get in the grocery store back door. The woman hiding under the blanket on the bed. The woman's shoe in the grass. Dying. They die when they see it. They all killed themselves in the face of the demons. The demons lying so they'd look at them. The demons lying. The demons all lied to get what they wanted. They lied. The birds. The birds from the grocery store. The woman took them, saved them from the store. The little boat in the fog. The old man dying. The colony. They were safe in the colony.

She looks over at her sleeping husband, the man who made sure she'd have the tools to never be the old her again. She could protect herself, all of herself now. A restraining order is juat a piece of paper to be ignored, but no one could hurt her again. She wouldn't let them. He wouldn't let them. He knew. He knew what happened and he loved her anyways. He loved her.

She rolled on her side facing his sleeping body. She wouldn't wake him. He needed the sleep. She needed the sleep. Closing her eyes, her hand caressed down his back again.

"I love you."

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booksaroundtheworld · 7 years

Text

The Sea of Tranquility by Katja Millay

4 STARS

So you know those books that you really really want to hate because they sound cheesy and wattpad-y and just plain stupid? But then some unknown force compels you to read them and then suddenly you find yourself wasting the day away because you just can't put them down? That was my experience reading The Sea of Tranquility. I went into this book with pretty high expectations actually, mainly because of the high average star rating and because I didn't fully read the plot summary (which might have raised some red flags). All I saw was that she played the piano. I don't know why piano is the only word I saw in that plot summary but it was and I started reading with blissful ignorance. I was wary the second our main character Nastya started bitching about everything. And I mean everything. I'm a pessimistic, sarcastic person. I like pessimistic, sarcastic people. But Nastya was just way too much of both. The Sea of Tranquility started off with every single cliché in the book. God forbid anyone like high school. Or just be okay with going to high school. No - both our main characters, Josh and Nastya, just love talking about the fact that high school is the bane of their existence. I haven't seen this much self-loathing since Bella and Edward. Also, of course, everyone is absolutely G O R G E O U S. Why couldn't my high school have been like this? What is it about this small town that makes all the attractive people converge onto one place? Anyway, so to make matters worse I'm listening to the audio version of this book and I absolutely hate the guy that narrates Josh's voice. I probably should have listened to the full narration sample before I got it but oh well that's my mistake. Just to fully express what I was feeling, here are my notes on the first part of the book that I quickly jotted down in the middle of work. - "This girl is annoying her cynicism is just TOO MUCH" (we've already discussed this) - "The writer keeps repeating things" (this was a big issue I had - she kept saying the same things over and over like how Drew was "annoying" but "amusing" or that she kept dressing like a slut (her words not mine) or that Josh rescued her but she doesn't know why - ENOUGH GIRL) - "Annoying that all the girls are the same i.e. caricatures of stereotypically bitchy popular girls; can we not have one female friend? (a second big issue - why couldn't Nastya have female friends? why only guy friends? female friendships are literally the best things ever it really shocks me when writers don't get this) - "Keeps saying how Drew amuses her" (see above) So I just spent half my review railing on this book, I KNOW. Despite allll of what I mentioned, I actually really liked this book. Once I got past all my problems, The Sea of Tranquility was entertaining as shit. I came to really care about Nastya and I was genuinely interested in her life and would be worried about her. Something happened to her that isn't fully explained until late in the book and as soon as I found out how awful it was, everything just made sense (except the lack of female friends but whatever). Shit really goes down, for lack of a better phrase. I even came to love Josh. I loved how his and Nastya's relationship evolved and how they went from acquaintances to begrudging friends to friends to more. It was just really lovely to read about (I stopped listening to the audiobook like a third of the way through so no more listening). Their relationship was just so sweet to me and, once you get past the fact that they are both living in very unique/highly unlikely circumstances, authentic. Even fucking Drew. Drew - who I thought would be a pain in my ass the whole book - I ended up loving. Yeah, he was a douchebag. A major douchebag. But his friendship with Josh and Nastya ended up being so pure and delightful that it became impossible to think of him as a douchebag. The three of them are a weird trio, to say the least, but it just worked out so well. The book didn't even feel at all long or dragged out to me because I was so invested in the characters and the storyline. I just felt all the things that the characters felt. I was right with Josh when he was desperate to find out what happened to Nastya. I was right with Nastya when she didn't want to tell him. Everything just felt like a surprise to me. I don't know if my radar was down or my skills at picking up the clichés in YA/New Adult books has diminished but I was shocked and thoroughly invested at every twist and every turn. At one point, my friend facetimed me right in the middle of a very thrilling scene and I felt like I was about ready to strangle her. I've made it abundantly clear that I had problems with this book. I had more problems that I even mentioned. Even the ending, though satisfying, kind of felt like a letdown. But I don't care because it ended up not mattering. This book was amazing. I fucking loved it. All I can do now is suggest that everyone put aside their doubts and read it.

#the sea of tranquility #katja millay #book review

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aftermeeting · 7 years

Text

The Casey Buchanan Rehab Centre For Complete Fuck-Ups

Casey should have realised something was wrong. He should have realised when Xav didn’t contact him for two weeks. He should have realised when neither he nor Red touched their social media since he left. He should have realised because Xav was his oldest and closest friend and it was his responsibility to know when something was wrong. But he didn’t realise until he got home.

He was so wrapped up in everything that had happened recently with his parents and the new and sudden changes in his life that all the warning signs went straight over his head. It was only when he was in the taxi heading home and Xav didn’t pick up any of his calls that he started to get suspicious. He called him one, two, three times with no results so he tried Red.

“I’m sorry but the number you have dialled is no longer available. Please try…”

He hung up, a sick sense of dread building in his stomach. What the hell was going on? Why was Red’s phone disconnected? With there being nothing more he could do, he sat back against the seat and chewed anxiously on his thumbnail.

As soon as he was home he sprang into action: after going into the house to drop off his bags and grab his car keys he took off in the direction of Xav’s house. When nobody answered there he drove over to Red’s but once again he was met with silence.

Rapidly running out of ideas he headed over to the Oak: it was a pub near college that was a notorious haunt for the students of legal age and, on occasion, those under legal age too. He didn’t expect Xav to be there but maybe someone there would know what the fuck was going on.

On his first look around the establishment he didn’t spot any promising leads. A couple of people he knew were hanging around the bar or playing pool but he let his eyes weep over them and keep going. Eventually there was one face that caused him to doubletake: Malcom.

Before he’d gone on holiday, Xav had been convinced that this first year was making a move on his boyfriend so if anyone knew where Red was – and, hopefully, by extension, Xav – it would be him.

“Malcom.”

The younger boy looked up and Casey saw the unmistakable signs of fading bruises across his face. A flash of panic went through his eyes as he caught sight of Casey but he quickly smothered it with arrogance he didn’t even try and disguise anymore.

“What, has he sent you to have another swing at me?” Malcom sneered up at him. “Try it, Casey. I dare you.”

“I have no idea what you’re on about. I’m just trying to find Xav or Cody.” Casey glared, rapidly running out of patience.

“You mean you don’t know?” A short bark of laughter escaped Malcom’s lips, making Casey’s hands instinctively clench into fists.

“Know what?”

“Your friends are fucking crazy, mate. That pathetic ginger lead me on and Xav damn near caved my face in. If you ask me he should have let him die.”

Die.

The word made Casey’s heart stop in his chest. “Die?”

Malcom plastered mock concern onto his face and it took every ounce of willpower to prevent Casey from adding to the bruises.

“I told you they were crazy. Cody tried to kill himself, unsuccessfully, and then Xav went completely off the rails. Nobody’s seen him in weeks, but the rumours have it he’s whoring and drugging himself into an early grave.”

Casey snapped. His best friend – his little brother – was almost certainly in danger and now was not the time for diplomacy. Before anyone could react, he had Malcom by the throat and pressed up against the wall. Around them, the room went silent and Casey knew he only had a few moments before the bartender intervened.

“Where is he?”

“You think I’m going to tell you…” He started to splutter.

“Where is he?” Casey roared, increasing the pressure on Malcom’s throat.

“Okay, okay. There’s a guy… he throws parties at the old house up near the lake… Xav’s there.”

Casey released him and took a couple of steps back, watching as the younger boy doubled up in a fit of coughing as he tried to take air into his lungs. He wasn’t a violent person by nature – he didn’t like seeing other people in any type of distress, really – but he didn’t even feel a whisper of guilt over this. There wasn’t a single murmur from his conscience as he turned on his heel and hurried away.

He could hear the music before he saw the house and braced himself for what he would find. The house itself looked respectable enough – a large, two-storey building with a spacious front yard that backed onto the lake – but the people milling around outside were anything less than respectable. Casey didn’t recognise any of them but he’d be willing to bet more than a few of the local drug dealers were here.

Nobody stopped him as he parked and hurried inside. Instantly he was hit with the smell of drugs and alcohol and too many bodies. As he went from room to room, searching for a familiar blonde head, he stumbled across scenes he wished he could remove forever from his mind or that made him want to turn and run.

But he pushed on, because he knew without a single doubt that Xav was in danger.

By the time he found him he’d almost run out of hope. It was in the very last room on the top floor, at the back of the house where very few people bothered to venture. The curtains were drawn and the light from the hallway stopped at the threshold, leaving the room in deep shadows Casey couldn’t see through. It was only the shuffling and quiet moaning that alerted him to the presence of other people.

“Xav?” He called out, both hope and dread in his voice. “Xav?”

Nothing. Nothing. And then,

“Casey?” It was so quiet he almost missed it. “The fuck are you doing here?”

Casey almost broke down: he was so filled with the relief of finding his best friend, but at the same time his voice was so weak, so slurred that he knew Xav was not in a good state. Peering into the gloom, his eyes latched on to the first head he spotted only to realise that this man had black hair, not blonde. He moved to the next but that was a brunette, and then the next who turned out to be a woman. Heart breaking with every person he spotted, he finally looked away.

“I’m here to take you home.” He told the darkness.

He saw someone move and finally, finally, he recognised the face peering back at him. He almost wished he didn’t: Xav’s face was white and clammy, with cheeks so hollow he looked skeletal; his eyes were glassy and red-rimmed and couldn’t focus properly. At the mention of leaving, his eyebrows scrunched up in disgust.

“I don’t have a home, so fuck off and leave me in peace.” He snarled, turning away.

“Listen to me, Xav,” Casey growled, “I’ve come all this way to find you, so you’re getting in my car and we’re driving away from this shithole even if I have to drag you out. Now, you’ve got until three to come of your own free will. One.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

“Two.”

“You wouldn’t dare…” Xav hissed, but he sounded unsure.

“Three.”

Before the word had finished leaving Casey’s mouth he took three strides into the claustrophobic room and grabbed Xav by the hair. His best friend struggled, clawing at his hands with enough force to draw blood but he didn’t let go.

“Let me go!” He squealed, thrashing with all his might. “Let go of me you bastard!”

“Hey, he said let him go.” Another voiced piped up. A man to Casey’s left stood up but he was in a worse state than Xav was. A single hard shove and he went sprawling back into the darkness.

Without a backwards glance, Casey turned and exited. Xav fought him the whole way across the hallway and down the stairs but his efforts had turned from injuring Casey to preventing his naked body from getting injured. That didn’t stop his mouth, though.

“You can’t do this to me! I can do whatever the fuck I like and you can’t stop me! You’re not my parent! You’re not even my friend! You’re nothing to me, Casey! Nothing! I hate you, you bastard. I hate you.” He screamed.

Casey felt a stab of pain in his chest but steeled his heart: he had to do this to save him, no matter the cost.

As they made their way through the downstairs of the house a few people stopped to stare but nobody intervened. One person held the door open for them as they passed but Casey paid them no attention.

Xav’s struggling all but ceased along with his stream of abuse when they got outside and onto the gravel driveway. Not wanting him to get any more hurt than he already was, Casey went to pick his best friend up but went back to dragging when Xav tried to bite him.

It seemed to take an eternity for them to travel the fifteen feet to Casey’s car, but eventually they made it and he shoved Xav unceremoniously into the back seat. By the time he walked around to the driver’s side and gotten in, all the fight seemed to have left him.

He was curled up in the foetal position, crying and shivering so much Casey was worried his thin frame would break. His fingertips were covered in blood from where he’d gauged Casey’s hands, and needle marks marring his skinny arm. Now that they were in the fresh air he could smell the alcohol on him, just as intoxicating as it had been in the house.

Wordlessly, Casey turned to face the front and started the car.

Sometime during the drive back to his house Xav stopped crying and sat up. Casey was worried he’d try to escape again but he didn’t move an inch for the rest of the journey. Of course, as soon as the car had stopped Xav had the back door open and made a bolt for it. But he was malnourished and drunk – or high, or both – and Casey easily caught him.

With as little dignity as possible, he flung Xav over his shoulder and marched into the house. He thanked his lucky stars the rest of his family wasn’t home to witness this, or they definitely would have stopped him.

Ignoring the insults and feeble punches from his captive, Casey strode down several hallways until he got to a door at the back of the house. He and Xav knew this door very well: it had served as a refuge for them when the pressures of the Buchanan family name had been too much, or a secret bedroom when Xav snuck out of his own house for a few days. Now it would serve a new purpose.

Behind the door was a set of stairs, leading down into darkness. With his free hand, Casey ran his hand along the wall until he found the switch. The light illuminated a sparsely decorated room. The floor was covered with a shabby rug that had clearly seen better days, and a sagging sofa. A stained coffee table, a bookcase with one shelf missing, and a few boxes of dusty games shoved in one corner completed the dilapidated look.

“Welcome to The Casey Buchanan Rehab Centre for Complete Fuck-Ups.” He snarled, walking down the stairs and across the room in two seconds. “I hope you enjoy your stay.” He flung Xav down on the sofa like a sack of potatoes and hurried back towards the door.

“Casey, don’t you fucking dare leave me down here. Casey!”

Xav’s cries followed him, quickly followed by Xav himself, but it was too late: Casey slammed the door on him and locked it. There was a thud as something – probably Xav’s body – connected with the wood, but it held firm.

In the proceeding hour, there were more bangs, and more screaming, which slowly petered down into soft knocks and quiet sobs.

“Casey. Casey…” Xav whimpered.

Out in the hallway, Casey leant up against the wall and slid to the floor. He buried his face in his hands so that Xav couldn’t hear when he, too, began to cry.

#before #Xav #casey #love story #gay love #gay couple

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wheaterz · 7 years

Text

Testing Maintenance: Chapter 20

It was nice to be able to walk among the facility without a large sense of urgency, especially the upper levels of the Enrichment Center where the medical bay had been. Mel recalled the overgrown chambers of plants and actual sunlight pouring in from high above. Birds could be heard singing and nesting above her head and it was naturally warm compared to the rest of the cool, draftiness of the underground laboratories. She'd admired it before, but the last time she'd seen it they were escaping AEGIS' radar. Virgil mentioned that since they were so close to the surface they may have found a way out, and even could have used the one they'd found near the security chamber, but they still had to go to Old Aperture for their vehicle. It was the difference between leaving Mel to wander aimlessly and the possibility of true survival. So they would have to start their hike to head all the way back down, which would take hours. Possibly even a full day, depending on what mishaps may happen along the way.

“Urgh...” Virgil had been ahead of Mel, leading the human around the Enrichment Center since he was the one with a map in his head, but he was disgruntled by the amount of disrepair this part of Aperture had remained. GLaDOS hadn't even bothered with the upper layers due to rot from the chambers being weathered and there was really nothing she could do about repairs if her connection was cut from it all. Hardly anything worked and he was having trouble finding a lift.

“The nearest working line of elevators is over by the Relaxation Center. With how long it will take us to walk that way we would be half way down by that point. Is nothing up here working? You know what, seeing this place now, I'm shocked we were able to get the Medical Bay turned back on. Shocked. What? Is this door not going to open either? Well, that's just great. Yet another stubborn door who's only purpose in life is to make mine miserable. You know what? Let me see if I can...”

Mel had hung back and let Virgil rant to himself as she looked around at the surrounding flora. She was shaken from her sightseeing and jumped at a loud bang from Virgil's direction, spinning around with her portal device raised in case of an attack. Virgil had his back to her and was gripping a now very bent piece of the wall from beside the round, sliding door. With a boot to the wall he managed to pry the whole plate of metal away and it dropped to the ground with a ringing clatter. In the wall was a black circuit board and a tangled web of cords in different colors. Virgil had already tried hacking the door, but when it didn't so much as give him a response the only other option he saw was to override it manually. Mel leaned over to see past his shoulder at what the core was doing, which was currently pinching a white cord and unplugging it from its port. The moment the cord was free the door beside them started rapidly opening and closing, sparks flying from the friction it was causing.

“Okay, remember that weighted storage cube we passed a few minutes ago? Can you go get that?”

Mel nodded and did what he asked, turning to head into the room on the other end of a flooded walkway from them. The water sloshed around up to Mel's ankles, the room not nearly as water-logged as other places in this part of the facility had been and was non-corrosive. It was always a plus to not have your feet melted away by toxic waste. Mel found the sad little cube sitting alone, decorated with pink pin stripes and a heart rather than the default blue circle. The woman had taken special notice of it earlier, for it was musical in nature and had been singing a little melody in their passing, however faint it was. Mel moved to pick it up when she realized something she had missed earlier on the wall just above the cube. There was a splash of color behind the heavily grown vines and Mel moved the plants aside to see another one of the paintings that had dotted Aperture in nooks and crannies that were the hardest to get to, and impossible to see if you weren't directly looking for them.

It was typical when she remembered the others she'd seen. They were normally made in very energized, erratic brush strokes with white, blue, orange, and black paint with intense imagery and cryptic messages. While she'd wondered who would have been here to make murals, such as these, she'd never taken the writing on them to a lot of thought. They just seemed like the crazy ideas of some poor soul that had been trapped there for too long. For whatever reason, this one had struck her enough to leave her hanging on its strokes a little longer than the others. It was a painting of the moon, a gold tint in color on a night sky backdrop with no stars, but little pink hearts. Crude, black words arched beneath it and looked to have been obviously painted with someone's hands rather than using a brush. The words contradicted each other and she didn't necessarily understand whatever this person was trying to say, but such is the mind of someone who'd been down here for too long.

AUTOPHOBIA IS LOVE AS A CONSTRUCT

Mel studied the painting with a trance over her eyes at the full, gold moon and how it reflected the last time she had seen it in the sky. She wouldn't have been able to stay for long, Virgil's voice bouncing off the walls from the room she'd traveled from.

“Hey, Mel? You okay back there?”

She had no way of shouting back a response to him to let her friend know that she hadn't fallen silently into a chasm, so she levitated the pink cube with her Portal device and headed back, the vines over the painting falling back where they'd been and hiding it again for another long, undisturbed rest.

Virgil clasped his hands together with a single clap when he saw Mel return, and grinned at her. “Great! You got it! Okay, now just stick it into the door so that we can jam it open!”

Mel hesitated. She looked down at the singing cube and pulled her lower lip out at Virgil sadly.

“What's wrong, now?”

Mel would not have been able to draw out one of her sticky note pads with how she'd been holding the gun up, so instead she nodded her head down at the cube.

For the synthetic life of him, Virgil couldn't place why she'd gotten attached to a cube so quickly. She'd seen hundreds of them. Humans were so strange with their possession over inanimate objects.“Yeeesss??? Its a cube. We're going to stick it into the door so we can continued looking for a lift downstairs. Unless you want to walk all the way down there after you just had a bullet surgically removed from your abdomen.” He took a moment to figure her out. What about this woman, in the time he knew her, would advocate the need to hang onto a storage cube? It was pink for one thing, but there had to be more to it than just that. “Is it because its singing?”

She nodded.

“Its not sentient, Mel. They don't have feelings like the turrets do. I don't know what the music's function is, but its not going to mind getting stuck in the door. Trust me on this.”

The woman still hesitated, but she wasn't going to stop listening to Virgil over a testing cube. Mel timed herself at the malfunctioning door and when she'd found the right moment she thrust the heart cube into the center, the sliders crashing against it and stuck. The force hadn't been enough to crush the cube, but apparently had knocked something loose inside it that stopped it from making music anymore. Virgil was first to go through, climbing over the cube and stepping off onto the other side of an out-of-order testing chamber that was not meant for a duel portal gun, but one of the single-shooters. Mel followed his lead once again.

They had hardly walked out of the room, after Mel had performed yet another easy cheat in a chamber she was more than qualified for, when Virgil suddenly stopped and put an arm up to force Mel into doing the same. The space before them was a long, narrow hallway with a grated catwalk running over a pool of dirtied, brown water and vertical to it on the ceiling was a management rail that bent to the right at the end of the passage and disappeared into another hallway. From beyond this turn there was some pleasant humming drifting between the walls, and not missing a beat, Virgil knelt down and picked up a chunk of debris from the floor.

Nigel was the core to appear from around the turn at the other end of the hall, and when he saw the two he lifted his bottom eyelid into the core equivalent of a grin.

“Ah! The human and Maintenance Core! Just the two I was looking fo—Aaagh! Hey!” He hollered in surprise at the ceiling fragment that was suddenly hurtled at him, but he'd just managed to avoid it by zipping to the left where he'd came. Nigel's optic shrunk initially from fear, but now he was very clearly offended. “What was that for?! You trying to knock my eye out?”

“Working on it!” Virgil called back to him while he searched for another chunk of Aperture to toss. He'd found one that he felt he could get a good distance on, but after raising his hand to toss it Mel reached out with her free arm to grab his. Virgil had all but let go of his hand to toss the debris when Mel caught his arm and he looked back at her from over his raised shoulder. He saw the woman shake her head at him. “What?! First the companion cube and now this guy? You do recognize that he's the same core that tricked us and sent us up to GLaDOS, right? I realize it might be harder for you to tell, but...”

Mel shoved her gun at Virgil for him to hold and the android nearly dropped it in his surprise. The human took a note and pen from her pocket and wrote down her thoughts.

He helped me while you were shut down.

“Nigel helped you?” Virgil pointed at the orange core down the walkway from them, raising a perplexed brow at his friend. “This guy did?”

“I guy did, yes.” Now that Virgil had been leashed and muzzled, Nigel felt a bit more comfortable drawing in and closing the gap between them. “And I've come back to finish the job! The Boss Lady is getting a little agitated by you two just wandering around up here aimlessly, so She's given me instructions to let you use my funnels to get going-going-gone. I think that's awfully generous of Her, don't you think?”

“Does She, now? How stupid does She think we—nevermind. I already know the answer to that.” Virgil put his hands together, drawing patience from the idea that he could not pull them apart to grab a hold of Nigel to chuck him into the water under the walkway. He paused, drawing together his thoughts until he'd found something more civil to say. “Thank you. We are good. We will not be taking your airways. I trust we may be incinerated. Good day.”

“Okay, look. You can check it out for yourself. You've got that handy Wifi in this gizmo, right Maintenance? Come over here a second.” Nigel turned on his rail and started to slide away back where he'd came. Mel shrugged at her friend and was the first to go after him. They needed to go down this route anyway. Virgil dragged behind cautiously, ready to grab Mel if the he saw even a fraction of a flat surface move for whatever horror that could be hiding out of sight from them. Nigel lead them straight to the opening of a glass pipe like he'd offered them before, but the entrance was built into the floor instead of the ceiling.

Nigel stopped beside it and nodded at Virgil. “Go ahead. Trace it. See where it goes.”

Virgil huffed, but he did as he was asked. His eyes stared ahead and went blank while his vision retreated to a map of the airways. Mel found that when he did this she was not nearly as disturbed by it as she'd been before and was relieved for finally becoming accustomed to it. It was his thinking cap, and for sure he was doing wonders with it. Virgil traced the tunnel they had been brought to all the way down to an an office in the junkyards where he'd been trapped. In fact, it had been an extension of the same building. It must have only just been brought back into order, which meant it had only recently been tampered with by Nigel or Her. Virgil snapped out of it and crossed his arms up at Nigel. “Well...it takes us as far as the junkyards. Old Aperture is just a small walk away, so you're not lying.”

“See?”

“But She could just as easily re-route it once we're in there.”

“Yeah, but you can do the same can't you?” Nigel asked. “That's one of the pesky things you do these days, right? You re-route the chutes?”

“Pesky?” Virgil was about to get into it with the other core for disrespecting the system he'd set up for the incinerator when Mel tapped him on the shoulder to pull him back down again. They had other things they could be doing with their time other than arguing with Nigel. It worked, Virgil still only a few jabs away from sticking Nigel into the funnel, instead, as a guinea pig. The question now was whether they should risk it or not. It certainly would save them a lot of time, and for Mel, precious energy.

“What do you think, Mel?” If she had anything else aside from her physical prowess, she had good intuition and judgment and was borderline fearless from his perspective. If she wanted to take the risk he'd jump in with her. Mel tapped her boot against the tunnel and then nodded at him. Virgil uncrossed his arms with a huff and frowned up at Nigel. “Fine. Thanks for the tube, I guess.”

“Don't mention it!” Nigel was optimistic in his reply and could have been conceived as being genuine, had they not already known him better by now.

Mel waited by for Virgil. Virgil waited by for Mel. When he realized she'd been staring at him, as if waiting for something, he got worried. Had she changed her mind? “What's up? I don't speak eyeball.”

She frowned.

“...I mean, I was an eyeball but um...okay, right. Sorry. What do you want, though?”

Mel pulled her mouth taught and tilted her head at the pipe.

“Oh, you want me to go first? AH! Yeah! Sorry! That's right! We do want me to go first!” He'd only just remembered that he'd almost crushed her by flying out the last time and stepped over to the tunnel. “Alright, then. No other way around this, huh?” He'd been hesitating still, the assist droid leaning far over the side and feeling air pulling his hair and jacket towards the mouth of the pipe.

Mel watched him bend over and positioned herself behind the unknowing android, her tongue sticking out the corner of her mouth and lifting a boot up to his robot behind for a little nudge. Virgil yelped and fell in, getting sucked down into the vacuum and Mel quickly jumping in after him so there wouldn't be too much of a distance between them. When the screaming from Virgil had stopped and he was able to turn around at her he did not look amused. He had to shout over the rushing wind to air to speak to her. “Still super classy. You are going to stop kicking me through holes, Mel.”

She planned on it at some point.

The airway went downwards, for the most part, and though they were passing everything the facility had to offer up that would have kept them from getting down to Old Aperture in a timely manner, the trip was still a long one. Mel had a mind to keep checking on her pockets to make sure her notes were not falling out, and thankfully they hadn't. Virgil, on the other hand, had not been very chatty for the ride. This had mad the trip even less tolerable, but it was for a good reason. He'd been keeping an eye on any abnormalities that would have strayed them from their intended route, and if that happened he'd need to quickly do something about it. The android was surprised to find that towards their twenty minutes of being pushed through a pipe that they were nearly to the junkyards without so much as a blip from an outside influence.

Just as expected, Virgil was tossed out of the pipes and Mel just behind him. She'd landed on her friend, and as uncomfortable as that had been, considering how dense his body was, it was not nearly as terrible as the alternative would have been. Once they had collected themselves and got their barrings it was time to start their hike down once more through the darkness of the Aperture junkyards. Virgil was ready to make it a mission in life to end his habit of falling down here, whether it was voluntary or not. The bottom line was that it needed to just stop happening.

------

Virgil and Mel stood side by side staring at the faded yellow, AMC Gremlin that was more rust than vehicle. It was untouched after they had locked it back behind the vaulted tunnel door right before escaping the goo that GLaDOS had sent into Old Aperture to chase them upwards. The place was damp, but drained, and equipment was somehow still functioning even after a second flood. If anything else, Aperture tech was phenomenally durable in a pinch. It had taken the two only a couple more hours of walking to make it back down to this part of the facility from the junkyards, both still wary over how quickly GLaDOS was to start urging Mel away, but She'd been more than patient considering Her track record. Virgil and Mel were being careful not to trip-wire her wrath when they were so close to their goal.

But there were other elements that were just as terrifying as She was.

“If you're on your way to the relaxation vaults, don't mind the turrets! They will not fire at you! We have checked them for the ninth time this week for live rounds and they only had bullets for the first two. They're harmless! To you. We're sorry to say we're down a secretary.”

“GAH!” Virgil stumbled back in fright, Mel just as worked up as he had been but did not have the voice to express it verbally. She raised her gun on reflex, guarding the android behind her and Virgil nearly pulling her down when he'd grabbed for her arm. The two were tense and both searching for the source of Cave Johnson's voice, Virgil eventually putting his hands to his eyes and leaning against Mel with a broken up, relieved laugh. “We...ehehehe. W-we tripped one of the prerecorded messages. Its got a motion sensor. Oooooooooh boy. Hoo! Just look at us. We're idiots. Eheheh...eheh...”

Mel had thoroughly relaxed, her heart pounding and she rolled her head to her shoulder as her panic quickly settled. She nodded in agreement, feeling ridiculous for acting up. She leaned on him just as he had been doing and started to laugh as well.

“Okay...okay...” Virgil straightened himself out and fixed his jacket. The android slipped the goggles out of his messy hair and down over his eyes. “I'm going to finish fixing the car. You start loading her up. See if you can find more gas, too. This dinky gallon's not going to do us much good.”

Mel saluted with two fingers to her forehead and placed her portal gun down on a bench so she'd have both hands for gathering up supplies. There was already the food and water Virgil had found from earlier and Mel started to carry armfuls of it into the back of the car. However, she did not take it all. She felt that even if there was the slightest chance some poor soul found themselves down here after waking up from sleeping their whole generation through, then they would need something to eat. She believed that even though she had not seen another living human in the time she'd been here, the place was insane enough and large enough to have them hiding just about anywhere.

It was another couple of hours before Virgil was done with the car, having checked every inch of it for what repairs it needed and replaced the tires. When he thought that he had reached his limitations with what he could do, the core crawled out from under the wheels with a smudge of oil on his cheek and his hair fussed up wilder than it usually was. He'd hardly noticed Mel coming by with the cans of food and loading them into the back of the car behind the passenger seat, and especially didn't notice when she'd placed a large, red plastic 2-gallon canister of fuel over by the smaller one Virgil had found earlier. Mel had been satisfied enough with her find that she had pulled one of the comfortable chairs from the lobby out of the building where she could keep an eye on Virgil and was currently sitting cross-legged in it while munching on a second can of pumpkin pie filling.

“I think that's about as good as I can get it... Woah!” The assist droid blinked at the 2-gallon can of gas and looked up to see Mel lounging in a chair a few yards away from him. “Good job! I thought for sure I'd cleaned that place out. Okay, so, we have about three gallons now so that has to beeee... if everything goes well, the best case scenario is that we could possibly get ninety miles out of that. Possibly. Again, we could just end up breaking down five minutes after we start driving.”

Mel stopped eating, studying Virgil as she thought about the choice of words he had been using. She put her can down and started writing again, Virgil approaching her while he used his black jacket sleeve to rub the oil off of his cheek. He took the sticky note from her, smudging the paper with some of the oil that had gotten on his hands as well.

Are you coming with me?

“I said I'd at least go with you until we find you someplace livable. I plan to stick with it. Uh, however, I am assuming that you drive, right? I honestly should have asked that earlier, because this whole thing would have been pointless otherwise.”

Way to put the cart before the horse.

Mel gave it some thought, though, and Virgil was concerned for her slow answer. Technically, no, she'd never learned how to drive. She took the bus most places in her adult life. However...

I can drive a tractor.

“I mean, um...I guess it's the same concept, right? Should be fine. Anyway, in case of an emergency, I am going to find a driving tutorial and see if I can't learn something. Uh, pardon me for a few minutes. This may take a little bit.”

Virgil found himself a comfortable sitting position against the side of the chair Mel had brought out of the lobby and seemed to nod off, if one could sleep with their eyes open. Again, Mel was growing more and more used to it, but while he was out, she finished off the rest of her pumpkin pie filling. When she didn't have anything else to do the human turned in her chair towards the side Virgil was sitting against and started messing with his hair. She gently pulled at and moved the spiked tufts around, noting how it certainly did feel fake, but was soft all the same. It just didn't have the same consistency human hair did. Next order of business was to slide the goggles off of his eyes and to put them on herself. The world around her was now tinted yellow and she was getting a kick out of it.

Virgil stirred and turned around with his elbow over the arm of the chair. “Perfect! I think I got the files I need... Having fun, are we?”

Mel pushed the goggles off of her eyes, past her bangs, and nodded.

“Well, they look good on you at least.” Virgil used the arm of the chair as leverage to help him off of the floor and he wiped the seat of his pants off of the dirt and dust that collected on the ground from the surrounding salt mines. He held a hand out for Mel to take, offering to help her up. “Ready to get going?”

The woman smiled, allowing him to pull her from the armchair as she nodded and handed him a note she'd written prior to him waking up.

You were right. These are comfortable.

“It’s what I'd been told, at least. They look comfortable. Now! It’s time to test this baby out!” The Maintenance Core swept his arm around and pointed to the vehicle, animating his movements expressively like Mel had just won a brand new car rather than finding an old rust bucket. “Because we obviously couldn't find the keys I'm going to see what I can do to get it turned on. Why don't you go ahead and fill the tank up.”

While Mel emptied the contents of the red canisters into the gas tank, Virgil was only just barely able to force the driver's seat door open, the rust in the hinges creating a shrieking noise that made them both cringe. Virgil got in under the the dash and and proceeded to hotwire the vehicle. “C'mon... C'mon... Aha!”

With a 'foom' of smoke billowing out of the exhaust pipes in the back, the engine was revved into gear. It sputtered a few times before correcting itself and returning to the hum of a machine that still relied on fossil fuels instead of electricity and solar power like the rest of Aperture. Virgil knelt out the door and pulled a frown at how ugly it sounded and how much smog it produced. “This thing is literally an antique. I know it must look futuristic to you, Mel, but trust me when I say that we couldn't have found an older car that's still capable of running. Wow. Don't let that discourage you from driving it, though. It should be fine.”

Mel switched out with him, slipping into the driver’s seat and Virgil closing the door on her before going around to get himself situated. There was an argument on whether they should bother with seat belts, Virgil insisting that they should take every precaution, and eventually won. Only to find that the seat belts had been chewed away by rats. So there would be none of those. Getting the car backed out of its spot to face the tunnel was the hardest part, and they both were at a loss to find where the headlights needed to be turned on. Once Virgil had found the lights and Mel got the cart straightened out, she lightly hit the gas and slowly ushered them away from the cave and up through the spiraling tunnel.

“We haven't broken down or crashed, so that's great! We're off to a good start.” Virgil encouraged, though he looked about as scared as he did the first time they'd used the air tunnels. The android had his back pressed tightly against his seat and was gripping onto the door handle hard enough that it threatened to crack. Mel agreed that they were getting along pretty smoothly, though, and was confident enough to pick up the speed. Virgil tried to distract himself from the fear of this metal death trap either crashing or exploding, so he reached for the radio and tried to see if they picked up anything.

Nothing. Just the crackle of static and white noise.

“I-I'll leave this on just in case we get an outside signal.” He mumbled. His eyes and the optic on his chest were the only things on the inside of the car that was glowing, but everything had gone pitch black and he couldn't see Mel's face too well. He couldn't see if she was just as nervous as he was or if she was excited to be moving. The answer would have been both, and Mel leaned forward to grip the wheel so she could press the fluttering in her stomach further back. The tunnel was obviously taking them upwards in a wide carved spiral, but the darkness continued into nothing for the longest time. The two of them sat there silently after Virgil had nothing else to say, deciding it was best to let Mel concentrate. The tension and suspense built up the further up they drove and the low static frequency of the radio cut in and out.

And then Mel started to slow down again.

Ahead of them were two red lights that were obviously on a wall blocking the tunnel. Mel almost came to a stop, her gut dropping at the possibility of being trapped in there after all, but once their headlights caught the obstacle she realized that the red lights were on another vaulted door. The red turned green when they drew closer and the two halves slid away from each other and into the walls. A golden, fire tinted flash of sunlight pooled into the tunnel, both Mel and Virgil squinting against it. Mel had no choice but to hang onto the wheel, especially since she was temporarily blinded, but Virgil held a hand over his brow to block it out and instructed her to keep driving forward.

There was a steep rise in the road, but once they were over it the car evened out onto flat land. Mel slowed the car to a stop, putting the breaks on so that they could briefly get out and have a look around. They'd driven from the tunnel into a parking lot with a couple of abandoned cars sitting alone that were from the 1990's era, but only Virgil would have had this information. There was a chain-link fence that surrounded the parking structure with a tollbooth at the opening gate and a small, white building that had been the security's office and break room with the company logo faded on the side. Other than that small scrap of Aperture, there was nothing else. For miles past the gate the black, asphalt road stretched as far as the eye could see and on either side were fields of wild, yellowed wheat. The sun was setting in the east to their right side, and the sky was in gradients of orange and pink with purple clouds chasing the wind across the sky.

This time there actually was wind, and it was the first thing Virgil had searched for. Just in case they were being duped again. When he'd cleared that up, everything hit him. This was out. This was well, and truly, out. Just from standing there, in that one spot, he could look up at the sky and see nothing above him but what he could only describe as infinity. Past the sky was space, and past space was nothing. There wasn't a ceiling. If he looked forward that went on too. There were no walls. “Mel?”

The human was giddy to be outside and was all smiles. She beamed over at Virgil from from where he stood on the other side of the engine hood from her and waited for him to continue. The android, she could see, was dumbstruck and his mouth gaping open like a fish out of water as he looked up at the sky.

“Aperture is, um... its tiny, isn't it?”

She nodded. You could get lost in how massive the structure was, and compared to other man made buildings it was, indeed, massive. From that perspective, Aperture was in no means small. It took the knowledge and experience of being anywhere else in the world to know that it would never be the largest thing in existence. Not even close.

“This is...” Virgil gripped at his head, turning in circles to look around. “This is big. This is really, really big, Mel. I mean, I was wondering how you were not able to find anything while you were gone, but my scanners are just dead. There's literally nothing out here.”

She scribbled on one of her notes and pasted it to the window for him to grab when he was done being awestruck.

We did it, though!

“You know what?” Virgil slammed his hands down on the engine hood when he was done reading the note, her grinning face infectious and he was catching onto it. “We did! This is it! Mel, you are out of here!” He thrust his arm out over the hood, offering out his hand and Mel grasped onto it in celebration of their victory. Everything had been built up to this moment and it had paid off. They were in wide, open spaces with fresh air and not a machine in sight aside from the few dead cars that littered the parking lot. No killer robots, repulsion gel, toxic goo, searing lasers, or bottomless chasms to fall into. Just a large patch of a cloudy sky and vegetation.

“Back in the car, Olympian!” Virgil patted the hood and thrust himself enthusiastically back into his seat. “Like Nigel said, we are going-going-gone! Just gone! You can't even see us anymore, we are so gone. We are goner than gone! This is us, right now, leaving, we two, and being more gone than a robot getting sucked into space through a portal on the moon. That is how gone we are going to be!”

That happened, right?

“Yeah, that actually happened.”

The gate would have had a peg stopping them from leaving the parking lot with their vehicle, but it looked like it had broken off ages ago. There was nothing keeping Mel from hitting the gas again and leaving the last piece of Aperture behind them in the dust that collected on the abandoned road. It was riddled with potholes and weeds grew out of the numerous cracks in the asphalt, but it was better than having nothing to drive on at all. A vehicle this small would not have made it far going directly through the wheat like Mel had to do when she'd walked to her run down barn. I wouldn't be long until the parking lot was far behind them, and then finally out of sight completely. It was only then that Virgil was getting a look at just how far one stretch of land could take them. There was the faded ghost of mountains in the great distance, and every now and again they would pass patches of forests, but the countryside was mostly blank.

The radio continued to run white static, but it sputtered again and started to faintly pick up on a channel. Virgil turned it up in surprise and they waited for the sound to clear up. “Are we getting something?”

Turrets.

They'd picked up on some of the singing turrets from Aperture. Specifically, it sounded like two of them. Mel recognized the song being played as the one that had been her reward for helping the lonely turrets on her way to old Aperture. The woman's cheeks flushed at the thought, happier for them now more than ever. She wondered if they knew that she was leaving. Mel couldn't do much singing, but she pursed her lips together and started to whistle along instead. Virgil raised a brow at Mel, not used to hearing a lot of noise from the human, and then attempted to mimic her. No such luck.

The song was awfully familiar, though. He could only just remember a skeleton of the lyrics and he'd sung them while working a few times. He must have heard the turrets singing it before. He didn't feel like embarrassing himself now that he had an audience, so the core got the window to roll down and folded his arms over the door so he could get some wind through his hair and enjoy the drive. Now that they weren't going through a pitch black tunnel it wasn't so frightening.

The turrets singing would not last forever, though, and after a few minutes the song cut out and returned to blank static. Not only had the radio stopped picking up on the turrets, but Virgil all of a sudden became very uncomfortable in his own head. He blinked a few times, everything feeling a little fuzzier, now, and he pinched his brow with a groan. He wasn't reading some of his old functions correctly and the Wifi he'd taken so much pride in was not in service. The vast archives of knowledge he could access on a daily basis had been cut off, as well.

They were no longer in range of Aperture's signal.

#i realize i keep saying the next chapter is the last and lying about it #i lied last time too #this isnt it #testing maintenance #portal #portal 2 #portal stories mel #fanfic #ff #fic #psm #virgil #mel

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adelaidefabray-blog · 7 years

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save me * aspelaide

TAGGING: Aspen Harper + Adelaide Fabray LOCATION: Hospital, Los Angeles, CA, Early Evening SUMMARY: Adelaide makes a decision to help herself a little bit and Aspen drops a three word bomb. WARNINGS: Eating Disorder and Self Harm Mentions

Addy shifts on the steps in front of her sister's house. She is lucky that Marion is letting her stay here. In fact, she is pretty sure that MJ was the only person in her family who truly cared about her anymore. Swallowing, The blonde stands, her vision clouding and causing her to brace herself on the railing. This was why she had texted Aspen in the first place. She wasn't eating, at least not much at this point and she is sure Aspen has noticed. She's sure everyone has noticed. Blinking to get rid of the stars in her eyes, she walks toward the curb to wait for Aspen's arrival. The only thing that she is sure of is that if she doesn't go to the hospital to get this IV put into her, she will likely not make it much longer. Which, in reality, is her plan. However, she is sure that it happening at the current moment isn't part of her plan. So, as hard as it is for her to actually go through with this, she understands it is needed. She worries her bottom lip between her teeth, shifting on her wedge clad feet as she glances around for Aspen's rental car. She couldn't drive - she hasn't been able to for months. "god damnit, Aspen, where are you?" she lets out a huff under her breath.

Aspen: hadn't been expecting to receive a text message from the blonde woman who had been in her life for more years than she had expected. It wasn't that her and Addy never spoke, Aspen just had a weird feeling whenever the text had arrived. Which is exactly why she was on her way to pick up the blonde because while Adelaide didn't want to make a scene over what was going on, Aspen was worried. Of course, she wouldn't make a point to show it, knowing that might only make things worse, so she opted for her usual nonchalant nature. Now, she hadn't planned on running late at all, but a small accident had delayed by another five minutes but soon she was pulling up to the curb and spotting the certain someone she was looking for. Aspen rolled down the window and called out. "Get in, bitch. We're going shopping!"

Addy smiled just barely when Aspen's face came into view with a rolled down window. She was fairly sure that this was the only way for her to get what she needed without freaking anyone out. However, Lauren had asked her where she was going and her response had just been 'don't fucking worry about it' - she was she that she'd hear from MJ about it later. Shaking her head, she threw up her middle finger as she walked around to the passenger's side and got in. "You know what? That's a great idea," she closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the seat. "Let's go shopping instead."

Aspen: got one look at the woman in her passenger seat and instantly felt the shift in the air. Now, she wasn't going to point out the elephant in the room because if anything, Addy would ignore it or get angry about it. So, she kept her cool. "How about we go shopping after we stop by the hospital, yeah? I mean, you don't have to be such a grumpy cat about it" Aspen teased, pulling into the street from the curb and making the familiar route. "Is everyone doing alright? MJ, Lo, the little bundle of joy" She asked, wanting to distract the blonde of the the current thoughts that were swimming through her mind. "You know, we probably should go shopping afterwards. You can finally buy that engagement ring that's long overdue" Aspen's laugh floated through the car as she teased Adelaide, placing her hand over her knee and giving it a soft squeeze, glancing over at her before her eyes went back to the road. "Now, i'll leave it up to you if you want to decide whether I was kidding or not. But! I'll give you a hint. I wasn't" She says with a wink, making a left and then a right, knowing they'd be there quite soon.

Addy opened her eyes slowly, looking over at her current driver. Aspen Harper was a beautiful girl and not to mention successful. The two of them had started living together because she needed another person around. However, their original fire from over ten years ago had kindled its way back. Addy wasn't in the laughing mood and she wouldn't be - this was something she was sure would be hard for her friend, if that's what you wanted to call her, but that she knew the girl would understand. That's why she loved Aspen so much, she never took this stuff personally. "Indigo is good, but I still hate babies," she smiled to herself, sliding her own hand on top of Aspen's. The squeeze to her knee warmed her chilled body. "Who says the engagement ring isn't already purchased, silly," she looked from their hands to Aspen again and sighed. "It's really bad, Aspen... I'm sorry," her voice was laced with a whisper as she felt tears welling in her eyes. Adelaide didn't cry, so she forced them back, swallowing them down.

Aspen: kept the smile on her face though she heard no life from her counter part who was sitting beside her. She wanted to believe whatever Addy was going through wasn't as bad as she though, but there was just something in her that couldn't shake that feeling away. Moving in together was something that wasn't planned, but happened in a way that worked out for both of them. You couldn't just wash away their past and maybe deep down, neither of them wanted to. "So, that's number 374 added to the t'things that Addy hates' list" She smirked, even going as far to lace their fingers because if their was one thing that Aspen didn't have in her life, was chill. "Honestly, I'd believe it. There's no way you've been around me so long and haven't wanted to pull a beyonce. I simply wouldn't allow it" Though, all of her teasing tone came to a halt when she heard Adelaide whisper out and even though she hadn't said ti out loud, Aspen's heart sank. "Hey..hey" She whispered back, her thumb grazing over the others skin. "You don't need to be sorry for anything, okay? I'm here." She spoke to her softly, not realizing that they were coming up on their destination and turning the car to parallel park right in front of the entrance of the hospital. "Just tell me what to do and I'll make it happen. People listen to pretty people. I read it in a book somewhere"

Addy "Try number three million and seventy four," she smirked to herself, happy that Aspen always seemed to lace her words with the right amount of humor. Curling herself into the seat to look out of the window, she saw the hospital coming into view. Her heart rate increased almost instantaneously and she immediately regretted the idea of trying to make herself feel better. "You won't be a single lady for much longer if you keep yourself around," she chuckled softly, never sure if they were joking or being serious when it came to this stuff. The second that Aspen started showing the blonde some warmth and care, Addy felt herself squeeze the darker haired woman's hand. This was a safe place and despite knowing that, Adelaide never really knew what she wanted to divulge and what she didn't. "I keep putting you back here. Back at the hospital. Back in my fucking cage of a mind... Aspen, you have so much more to do with this life than babysit me," she spoke honestly, undoing her seatbelt when the car parked. She reached for the door handle and opened it. "Then maybe with two beautiful girls we can get me in and out of here ASAP," she noted, starting toward the entrance of the hospital. "I need a glucose drip and they're going to want to do labs, just tell them I'm anorexic and looking to check in somewhere when we get back to New York. They won't ask questions."

Aspen: "You and I both know that no one has the time to go through that entire list. Calm yourself" She bit back playfully, but switched it up when she saw Addy's reaction to the hospital in front of them. "Are you asking or telling, Addy" She whispered back, the banter always soft, teasing, but sometimes it felt like there was so much more hidden under all of it. No, they weren't always verbal about it and Aspen knew that they didn't need to be, it was in a way you could look into a person's eyes and just know. When Adelaide through all those words at her, she nodded her head because she /knew/ that the woman in front of her believed that. Believed every word she was saying even if she herself couldn't think it was the furthest thing from the truth. "I'm right where I want to be, grumpy cat. Don't get it twisted. All you have to do is call and I'll be there. Always have been, always will be. Why the hell do you think I mentioned the engagement ring? I've got to get something out of it" She winked, watching as the other woman spoke before slipping out of the car, she following suit and doing the same. "With faces like this and asses like that, we'll be in and out in a flash." She nodded when Addy explained the details and did simply as was told, sliding through the hospital doors and casually making her way to the front desk and repeating what the blonde had said not even a few seconds ago. "And the faster we get this taken care of, the faster we'll be out of your hair" Aspen gave them her million dollar smile and the ladies at the counter smiled. Already setting everything up.

Addy leaned against her elbows on the counter, her eyes closing rather than staring at the women behind the counter. She knows they're staring at her and she knows they think she is selfish. This is the most humiliating part of her disorder - they make you feel like you choose to be like this. "Why do you keep doing this?" she whispered, her questions directed at Aspen, though it also could've been directed internally. Why did she keep doing this to herself? Why did Aspen keep sticking around? "Can you guys hurry up? I feel like shit," she snapped at the nurses behind the desk, one of which snapped right back. "Maybe you should eat, it works faster," And Adelaide knew that she was right. She knew that everyone was pretty much right. But it wasn't that easy for her. She turned to Aspen, tears welling in her eyes. "Aspen, you can go. You don't need to wait here with me."

Aspen: heard the whisper and turned her head slightly, tilting it just a tad to look at Addy in mild confusion. "Doing what?" She mouthed back but was too late before the other woman was moving her attention towards the nurses at the counter and Aspen knew how this went. Adelaide could get very irriated and on top of that, the blonde didn't look like she was feeling at all up to par. It was when she heard the nurses response that something snapped in Aspen. How dare they? Who in the hell did they think they were to talk to someone like that. She had half a mind to reach across the counter and put that woman in her place and when those tears welled up in Addy's eyes, her heart sank so low it felt like it could have caved in her chest. "I'm here" She whispered, taking the woman's hand in her own. "But for future reference" She spoke, turning her head back to that particular woman. "The only thing that needs to start working faster here, is you. I'm pretty sure you don;t get paid to run your damn mouth and throw insults like its your job, though, if there's a career that involves being completely ignorant, irrelevant, and down right unnecessary--Well, I don't know why the hell you're still here. Now, you can go ahead and savor the last few hours of your job because you'll be expected to find a new one. Don't worry, I'm sure Burger King would love to hire someone with your high standards on living because if you think you're going into the same field, I suspect you better start crying about it now rather than later." Aspen finished with a bright smile just as another nurse caught there attention, calling for Addy.

Addy blinked at Aspen, almost wanting to speak up and tell her to stop yelling at the woman, but she kind of found it attractive. It wasn't exactly something that Adelaide didn't know about Aspen - the girl was calm and laid back until she was given a reason not to be. Addy pulled her arms away from the counter and pulled the shorter girl into them instead. She held her tightly, placing a kiss to her temple. "Thank you," she whispered, holding the brunette tightly. She never said thank you, she rarely apologized and for some reason Aspen was one of the few people she actually did that for. One of the few people who dropped everything for her and what she needed. "You don't need to stand up for me and I adore you, but you really don't need to fucking stay. I can sleep or watch tv and I'll be done in a few hours." she pulled back, one of her hands running through her blonde locks nervously. "You need to go have fun, go reminisce with people... this week is supposed to be fun."

Aspen: was slightly thrown aback when Addy pulled her in and placed a kiss on her temple. It was almost an instant calm that rushed through her body and sighed because she wasn't done tearing into the nurse who had found it appropriate to say such things to her..friend? The details didn't really matter on whatever you could call them on any given day. "Addy, will you please just let me be here for you?" Aspen finally said as she pulled back and looked into those eyes that always seemed to have some sort of hold on her. "I don't ask you for much, rarely for anything at all. I sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride that includes being apart of your life. But I am asking for something right now. Let me be there for you when you nee someone the most" She let the words come out in a whisper, biting her lip and hoping Adelaide didn't take her request as a tough one. "This week doesn't mean much to me if you're not apart of it"

Addy blinked a few times as she watched Aspen talk, her words blurring together somewhat. The blonde steadied herself on the counter again and nodded. Maybe she needed Aspen around, after all. Even if she didn't want to admit that she needed certain people in her life, she knew it was the case. "Nothing means much to me if you're not a part of it," she breathed out, the nurses escorting the two of them to a bed in the ER. After attempting to insert an IV multiple times, the nurses settled for her hand and got the glucose drip started as soon as they could. The thoughts whirring in Adelaide's head were begging her to pull it out every other second. She turned her attention to Aspen. "Tell me, did you think that we'd be here all of these years later? I mean, I'm a cunt if there was ever one and you're way too successful to even think about me on a daily basis. 11 years after I met you at Timberline and here you are taking care of me again."

Aspen: "You're getting soft on me" She whispered as they were escorted towards the ER. Aspen watched as they tried multiple times to insert the IV before opting tor her hand in the end. Throughout all that, the darker haired woman stayed by Addy's side. There were so many thoughts running through Aspens head that she almost didn't notice Adelaide focusing her attention on her and talking. She chuckled softly at the woman's words because had it really been that long? It was like she could close her eyes and it would feel like just yesterday, looking at that sweet face who enamored her in every single way. "Honestly, I thought you'd be so much bitchier, I was pleasantly surprised" She smiled, reaching over and moving a strand of hair away from the blondes face, tucking it behind her hear and letting her finger linger for a moment. " I will never not take care of you, Adelaide Fabray. Whether it's 11 years or 100. You're stuck with me. Now, you can choose to accept that now, or live in denial forever, but somethings just aren't going to change" Aspen whispered, winking at her and lifting her hand up, shaking it slightly as she showed off her ring finger. "You know, unless you have something in particular you want to change" Aspen teased.

Addy "I'm sick, Aspen... I don't know how to be hard with you when I have a legitimate reason to need you," her eyes went slightly vacant for a moment, nothing that there were pieces of her that would regret saying that. She needed a cigarette and she needed it badly. Nothing made her feel like she was out of her own body like a lot of nicotine. "I was way nicer before I stop starving myself and then it just fucking stuck. I just told some bitch that I wouldn't want to live in her womb either after her telling me about miscarriages, so I think I'm definitely a bitch," she chuckled softly, a slight lace of apology trickling into her laugh. "What do you get out of this that makes you want a ring on that finger? Drama? Feeling like a good Samaritan?" She snapped. Adelaide knew that she was experiencing mood swings, her desire for the glucose drip was to take those and the foggy mind away for a while. "I really don't fucking get it."

Aspen: was silent for a moment as she listened to Addy speak, she could never know how the woman truly felt because she herself had never gone through something of this caliber, but God did she it in her eyes and it made her heart sink. "Well, that hasn't been the most tasteful thing you've said, but I'm sure others have said worse and you have your own way of talking to people. Whether or not that's a good or bad thing, is ultimately for you to decide, but being a bitch isn't always a bad thing. It works for you" She chuckled right back until something in Addy snapped that made the smile drop from her face, her hand landing to her own knee and looking down at it. "I get that you don't want to seem vulnerable. I know that you don't want to get hurt again. I'm not..I'm stupid, Adelaide" Aspen took a breath as she tried to gather her thoughts. "But you've been apart of my life for a lot longer than anyone else and excuse the hell out of me for wanting you to be in it for as long as possible. Excuse me for wanting to make sure that you're okay and you aren't alone" She looked up at the blonde and laughed because of course the tears had started to trickle and she wanted to kick herself. "Excuse me for the fact that all I have done and ever wanted to do--Is love you" She put her hands up, shaking her head as more tears threatened to spill out. "I should--I should probably wait outside"

Addy shouldn't have been surprised by Aspen's reaction to her small outburst, but for some reason she was. The sudden lack of contact from the other woman made her feel like she just might fall apart. But then again, her mind was too busy whirring through thoughts of the bag of pure sugar that was being dumped into her body. Every last ounce of her wanted to rip the IV out and climb into the lap of her best friend sitting beside her. Her best friend whose words brought her right out of her negative headspace. The words that so easily described to Adelaide the way that Aspen felt for what seemed like the first time in eleven years. "I... you love me?" she whispered, her eyes momentarily making contact with Aspen's. It was shocking - not because she didn't expect that Aspen felt this way about her, but because Aspen was crying and seemed to actually be expressing herself in a very real way for one of the first times since Adelaide had met her. For some reason, Addy felt words growing on her tongue. Words expressing the same exact thing back to Aspen. But she couldn't say them, they weren't leaving her lips.

Aspen: felt entirely too vulnerable at the moment and in truth she hadn't expected to spill over like this. All at once. It felt as if the entire room had gone silent and the only thing could could hear was the hammering in her chest caused by her increased heart rate. The only thing she wanted to do was run, if she ran, there was no way she could get hurt. Not again. But of course, she didn't, she couldn't. Addy was like a magnet she couldn't escape from, one that she found herself coming back to in more ways than one. So, when those eyes locked onto hers but not a sound slipped from her lips, the hammering in her chest came to a halt as her heart sank lower than it ever has. "I figured you would have caught on, but hey, I can't blame you for that" She wiped at her eyes, giving out a soft chuckle, putting on her usual Aspen grin. She couldn't do this, she wouldn't do this. Not now. Adelaide didn't need this now. "Listen, I'm going to go grab a drink, just um--Holler if you need anything alright?" Aspen smiled, turning away from her and trying to keep herself together as best as possible.

#privfw2 #PARA FW 1 #c: aspen #privaspen #ED tw

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lesphantom · 6 years

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FFXV A Retelling-ish Chapter 16

~~~~

FFXV A Retelling-ish

Chapter 16

The next morning, I awoke to an empty bed. I sighed and I got up. I changed my clothes and I put my dirty ones in my backpack. I sighed again tossing my backpack over my shoulder. I opened the hotel room door and I headed out. I saw that the Regalia was gone. I sighed again and I headed toward Caem.

“Mina! Wait up, love!” came a voice.

I spun around and I saw Ignis grinning at me. I raised a brow. I was in shock. He kissed my cheek once he reached me. I gave him a quizzical look.

“Ready to go?”

“Wait a minute… Why aren’t you driving the Regalia?”

“There are more important things in my life right now...”

“But Noct...”

“..Is a fine driver when he wants to be. He can handle this love.”

“So I’ve got you...” I said with a smile.

“Yep!” Ignis said.

“Then let’s go, handsome.”

Ignis nodded. “I picked up a few granola bars and various other things to snack on if we get a bit peckish.”

“Damn, you’re efficient!”

He grinned. “It’s a gift, love. C’mon.”

He grabbed my hand and we started off. We fought the occasional daemon horde until we reached a bridge. Ignis grinned and he pulled me over toward the railing.

“It’s gorgeous out there isn’t it?” Ignis said.

“Yeah, it is.” I said.

He smiled and he pulled out his phone. “I’m no Prompto, but I need a few pictures of this view.”

I chuckled. “Take as many as you want.”

He snapped a few pictures and then he pulled me to him for a few selfies. I laughed against him. His smile brightened and he took a few more selfies with me before stowing his phone away.

“I love your smile in these, love.”

“Can’t help it when I’m with you..” I said.

He blushed and he took my hand once more as we headed off. We fought more and more daemons. Night seemed to fall more quickly. Ignis looked around concerned for a bit.

“Hey love?”

“Yeah?”

“About how far are we from Caem?”

“About… a two hour walk… why?”

“I’m thinking about making camp for the night since it’s getting dark.”

“Fair enough. But where?”

“Exactly love...”

“Well shit.”

“I wish we had the foresight to grab a tent.”

“Maybe if we found a haven...”

“Or a map...”

“Ah, damn!”

“So looks like we sleep in shifts then...”

“God dammit...”

“I second that..”

“Unless we kept walking?”

“The daemons are stronger at night love.”

“Yeah. Good point.” I said.

“So I believe a haven would be our best bet. That way we’ll be able to get some rest without having to sleep in shifts.” Ignis said.

“Now we just need to find a haven.” I said.

“Yes. But don’t fret love. I believe that there is one close by.”

“I hope so.”

We began walking once again. Twenty five minutes later we came across a small rock. Ignis pointed to the runes painted on it. They were glowing a bright blue. I raised an eyebrow.

“There’s our haven. Those runes protect the havens. The previous kings place the runes to repel the daemons.”

“Huh. The more you know...”

“As long as Noct is alive the runes will continue to glow and offer the previous kings’ protection. Noct is the last of the line of Lucis.”

“So if Noct is killed the line dies. And all of the havens are daemon fodder.”

“Precisely.” said Ignis. “Which is why I try to protect him as much as I can.”

We approached the haven and found it to be vacant. Ignis let out a sigh of relief. He knelt down and he began building a small fire. He strategically placed some small logs near the fire and he sat down, pulling out his notebook.

“What would you like for dinner, my love?” Ignis asked.

“What do we have?”

“Well.. we still have a few energy bars. I also had the foresight to grab some garula steaks from the mart before we left Lestallum. It’s in my bag in a cooler. It may taste like shit though. I have no form of seasoning.”

“Garula steak skewers? There’s gotta be a stick or two around here.” I said.

“Excellent idea, love.” said Ignis.

“I’ll go grab some--”

“Nope.”

“Ignis...”

“Mina...”

“Ugh… fine!”

Ignis grinned at me. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and he walked over to a nearby tree. He snapped off two small branches and he brought them back up to the fire. He then rummaged through a small bag that I never realized he had. He pulled out a small cooler. He grabbed a stick and he jammed to steak pieces on it, roasting it over the fire. The fire crackled up to meet the raw meat and Ignis looked pleased.

“Damn, you’re good at that.”

Ignis grinned. “Thank you, love.”

“You’re welcome, baby.”

I continued watching him cook and he shot me a smile. “Love, it’s ready.”

I smiled and he handed me the stick. He filled another stick with the steak and he cooked another one. I waited for his to be done before I started to eat mine. Ignis looked at me as he settled back with his skewer.

“You could have eaten, love...”

“I was always taught that it was rude to eat in front of someone that wasn’t.”

Ignis smiled. “Well then let’s eat, love.”

We ate quickly. Ignis took my stick after I was finished. He tossed it into the fire. I chuckled and I leaned my head on his shoulder. He smiled.

“Hi there love.”

“Hi… Dinner was great.” I said.

Ignis scoffed. “It needed a lot of seasoning.”

“You’re too hard on yourself.”

He looked at me. “I have to be.”

“Why?”

“Because I know I can do better...” Ignis said.

“Baby..”

“I know...” Ignis said with a sigh.

I kissed him as hard as I could. Ignis kissed me back. I grinned into the kiss. He broke away and he looked into my eyes. He gently ran his thumb along my cheek. I smiled.

“You’re so beautiful, love...”

I blushed. “Iggy...”

He smiled. “You are...”

I chuckled. “Bed time?”

He laughed. “Is it that obvious that I’m tired?”

“Yeah… a bit, darlin’. Plus, you’re getting that glassy look….”

Ignis sighed and he settled himself down on my lap. He stretched his legs out and he looked up at me from my lap. He smiled and he tucked another errant strand of my hair behind my ear.

“Darling?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you sing to me again?”

“Yep. No problems there. What do you wanna hear?”

“A song that makes you think of us...”

“Mr. Sentimental today huh?”

“Yes… I suppose I am...”

“Get comfortable, handsome.”

He smiled and he scooted down a bit more so he was lying across my leg. He handed me his glasses and he took my free hand in his. I grinned and I set his glasses next to me. I stroked his cheek and his eyes closed.

Never knew I could feel like this

Like I’ve never seen the sky before.

Want to vanish inside your kiss

Every day I love you more and more…

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing

Telling me to give you everything

Seasons may change, winger to spring

But I love you until the end of time.

Come what may

I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

Suddenly my life doesn’t seem such a waste

It all revolves around you.

And there’s no mountain too high

No river to wide

Sing out this song and I’ll be there by your side

Storm clouds may gather

And stars may collide

But I love you

Until the end of time.

Come what may

I will love you until my dying day.

Oh come what may come what may

I will love you oh I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Come what may

I will love you until my dying day.

Ignis was snoring softly in my lap. I grinned at him. His hand was still holding mine but it was way looser. I slid my hand out and Ignis made a whining noise. I chuckled. I gently moved my leg so Ignis was resting near the ground. I shoved my backpack under his head and I scooted around to the other side. I lay down, listening to Ignis’s snoring and the crackling of the campfire. Within minutes, I was asleep. I awoke the next morning to Ignis absently stroking my hair as he read something on his smartphone.

“Morning...”

“Good morning, love.”

“How did you sleep?”

“I’ve slept better, but that’s not really our fault.”

“Yeah. I agree.”

He handed me one of the granola bars. “Breakfast.”

“Thanks honey.” I said.

I sat up and I chewed on the granola bar. Ignis let out a tired sigh. I leaned my head against him. He smiled.

“Hey, now...”

“You still seem tired, babe.”

“I am.”

“How long have you been awake?”

“Two hours.”

“Baby...”

“I’m ok, love. Let’s go to Caem.”

“If you’re sure….”

“I am.”

“Alright...”

I stood up and I stretched a bit. Ignis got to his feet as well and he handed me my backpack. I shot him a smile. He grinned back at me and he began heading to the road once more. I followed closely behind. We walked to a gas station outside of Caem. Ignis excused himself and he headed toward the bathroom. I browsed the store.

“You’re Rachel and Jake’s girl...” came a voice.

A brown haired young man stood staring at me. His big chocolate brown eyes sparkled as he spoke. His face broke into a grin. I eyed him warily.

“Um… yeah...”

“Mina, it’s Oliver...”

I stared for a moment. “Holy shit!!! OLLIE!!!”

He grinned at me. “You’re lookin’ good kid!”

“Thanks man! God I haven’t seen you in ages! How’s life?”

“Boring and dull since you left, beautiful.” Oliver said, giving me a grin.

“Aww. Well, I’m back for a few days. At least until I leave for Altissia.”

“Shit, you’re going to Altissia?”

“Yep. With my boyfriend and his entourage.”

“Boyfriend huh?”

“Yep. He’s a real sweetheart. I’m lucky to have him.”

“Mina...”

“Ollie...”

He chuckled. “Hey, this boyfriend you have… Does he have any single guy friends that might… ya’ know...”

“OLIVER!”

“What?! I had to try...”

“Oy… What am I gonna do with you, boy...”

“Love me?”

“Nope.”

“HEY!”

I laughed. Ignis joined us a moment later. He eyed Oliver cautiously and he grabbed my hand protectively. I gave his hand a squeeze and I grinned up at him.

“Oliver, this is Ignis. Ignis, this is Oliver McMahon. He’s an old friend of mine.”

“I’m two years younger… I’m not old like you are….”

“Ollie!” I said.

“Pleasure...” Ignis forced out, eying Oliver.

“Y’all headin’ to Caem?” Oliver said.

“Yes...” Ignis said.

“Awesome sauce!!!” Oliver said.

Ignis raised a brow. I shook my head. I lightly hit Oliver on the arm. Oliver grinned back at me.

“Ollie, Harmy told me she’s gonna be in Caem too. You headin’ back that way?”

“Hey, someone’s gotta watch Harmy’s back. You know how she is Min.”

“Shit yeah...”

“Holdin’ her back from killin’ Steve is hard work...”

I sighed. “Sorry dude. I don’t ask her to try and kill him. BUT it is a perk...”

Oliver laughed. “True… He is an ass...”

“I sense a but in there...”

Oliver sighed. “Your brother’s hot as hell, ok?”

“And very straight...”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah...”

Ignis looked unbelievably confused. I chuckled. I kissed his cheek and he looked at me, fear in his eyes.

“Love, what’s going on?”

I laughed. “Baby, Ollie’s gay. Harmy, Ollie and myself made the rounds at the bars and stuff when I was younger.”

“Singing?” Ignis said.

“Among other things….” said Oliver.

“Just because you’re a whore doesn’t mean I was… or am...”

Oliver laughed. “Yeah, yeah… I had to work for my free drinks...”

I laughed. “Ollie, you got more free drinks than Harmy and I combined.”

“Psh...”

“Don’t psh me Oliver Michael!”

“PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

“You’re lucky I like you...”

“Ha ha! You two want a lift? It’s like five minutes but...”

“What do you say, Iggy?”

“Sure...” said Ignis, hesitantly.

“Your man can sit up front with me...” Oliver said with a wink.

“Really, dude?” I said.

“My car, my rules.” Oliver said.

Ignis’s eyes widened. “I’m going to die aren’t I?”

I laughed. “No babe. He’ll be good or I’ll castrate him.”

“Eep!” said Oliver.

“Be good.” I said to Oliver.

“Yes, ma’am.” Oliver said.

“And you...” I said, turning to Ignis. “Relax… He won’t bite… much.”

Ignis gave me a small smile. “I love you.”

“’Love you too.”

“Come on. Let’s go.”

I laughed as I saw Oliver’s beat up mini van. I nudged Oliver’s shoulder and he grinned back at me.

“I took my driver’s test in this POS.” I said.

“It is not a POS! It’s an antiquated piece of equipment...” Oliver said.

“So… piece of shit.” Ignis said with a grin.

“Ha ha! That’s my man!” I said.

“The um… Middle seat kinda.. um...”

“Oliver what did you do to the middle seat?”

“Well.. a “friend” of mine and I kinda… broke it...”

“OLIVER! Were you banging in the car?!”

“Maybe...”

“How the fuck do you break an entire bench seat?”

“Um...”

“Oliver…..”

“heheheheh.”

“Never mind. I don’t wanna know. I reeeeally don’t wanna know...” I said.

Ignis chuckled. “It’s probably better that you don’t, darling. Let Oliver have his kinks...”

“I like him.” said Oliver.

“He’s mine, McMahon… Mine!”

Ignis laughed. “Possessive much, love?”

“Uh… yeah…”

“Mina, he is kinda cute...”

“Do I have to say it again, Oliver?”

Oliver laughed. “No, I got it… I got it. Get in so we can go.”

We piled into the car. I settled myself in the only seat in the back and I shook my head. I couldn’t hear what Oliver and Ignis were talking about in the front seat, but Ignis was laughing. That wasn’t good. We arrived and I slid the door open.

“So! Are you staying at your old house?” Oliver said.

“Possibly. If Steven didn’t trash the fuck out of it.” I said.

“He probably did, knowing that ass hole…”

“Guess I’ll find out...” I said.

“You nervous?” Oliver said.

“Yep…” I said.

“Don’t be nervous. You’ve got this...” Oliver said, touching my shoulders.

“Thanks...”

“So love, shall we?” Ignis said.

“Yeah, I think we’d better...” I said.

Ignis grinned at me and he held out his arm. I waved good bye to Oliver and I took a deep breath. Ignis held my hand as we approached Iris who was waiting outside the safe house.

“Hey!!” Iris said.

“Hello, Iris!” I said, smiling at her.

“Where is everyone?” Ignis said.

“Noct and Prompto are at the lighthouse with Talcott. Gladdy.. left. He said he had personal business to attend to.”

My heart sank a bit. “I’ll.. be up the hill.”

“Mina..” Iris said.

“That’s where my old house is.”

“Oh. Ok then!” Iris said. “Have fun.”

“Would you like to be alone, love?” Ignis said.

“...no. Can you come with me please?” I said.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Just emotional...”

“I’ll be there.”

I nodded and Ignis and I began walking up the hill. I had made this trek a zillion times. My heart was in my throat. Ignis jogged up next to me. His hand found mine. I squeezed his hand tightly.

“Love… are you...”

“I’m… I’m...”

“Honey, look at me.”

I looked at him. Fear was evident in his eyes. Ignis pulled me to him. I buried my head in his chest. I inhaled his cologne and it calmed me down. He rubbed my back.

“Darling, it’s going to be ok… I’ll be right there with you...”

“Thank you, Ignis...”

He grinned and he kissed me on the cheek. “Let’s go love.”

We walked to the top of the hill. Ignis gasped when he saw the house. It was a small log cabin overlooking the sea. It was small on the outside but on the inside, it was huge. I gently pushed open the front door. It wasn’t too messy.

As we walked in, we were in the living room. The couches and the television were against either wall. We moved into the medium sized kitchen. Ignis leaned against the island. He gave me a smile as he looked around.

“I’d kill for a kitchen like this, love.”

“Dad loved to cook. Just like you...”

“I love how open this is though...”

“I know right? Dad always said he wanted to be a part of whatever was going on. He designed the kitchen and living room to be open so he could watch us grow up...”

Ignis gave me a smile. “It’s gorgeous, love.”

I pulled Ignis to the left of where we walked in. There were three doors. I opened the right most door. Pictures of cars and bikini clad women littered the walls. I grinned.

“This was Steve and Chris’s room. Steve moved out for a few months and Chris went crazy with the pictures of the women. He never regretted it. Steve’s face was entirely too priceless when he came home to that.”

“I bet.”

“I miss my brother...”

“Steve?”

“No.. HELL no. Chris...”

“Oh...”

“He and I used to drive Steve crazy on purpose. He used to call us the daemon duo.”

“Maybe that’s why Steve hates you now...”

“Nah. After Chris died, I apologized and things were decent between us until Steve met Trisha.”

“Trisha was a bad influence?”

“Not at first… Trisha and I never hit it off. My parents didn’t like her and she didn’t like them. But my parents respected Steve’s choice. After my parents died, she flat out told me that she was only with Steve for the money. I guess they fell in love through that though...”

“So he spent your inheritance on her?”

“Among other things...”

“Damn.”

“So yeah. This is the boys’ room.”

“Where’s your room, love?”

“Across the hall.”

I stepped behind him and I opened the door. I stepped inside and I waited for Ignis to enter. I saw him gawking at some of the pictures that were littering my walls. I grinned.

“These drawings are amazing, Mina!”

“Thanks.”

“Did you do all of these?”

“Not all of ‘em. Harmy drew the ones on the closet door.”

“Damn… I love the detail that has gone into each one.”

“Thanks. She’ll be happy to hear that too… So! This was my sanctuary.”

“I see...”

“Let’s move on...”

“Love?”

“Yeah?”

“Breathe.”

“I’m breathing...”

“No. Stop and breathe. You look stressed.”

“I’m fine...”

“Mina...”

“Really, Iggy...”

He kissed me hard. I made a shocked noise as he pushed me against the closed door. He pulled away, shooting me a grin. I chuckled a bit.

“Better?”

“No… but thanks for tryin...”

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“Do not.” said Ignis with a grin.

“Iggy?”

“Hmm?”

“If this is all we do in this room, I’m gonna be a little miffed...”

Ignis laughed. “Love… I thought you’d never ask...”

He snatched me off the ground. I squealed and he laughed. He lay me gently on the bed and he nuzzled my neck. He gently kissed his way down my body.

“I love you… * kiss * I love you…. * kiss * I love… * moan * you...” Ignis said.

“Iggy…?”

He pressed his lips to mine in a hungry needy kiss. I ground my hips against his and I pulled him further toward me. He moaned loudly. He tilted my lowered head up to meet his eyes. They were clouded with lust. I shot him a sexy smile. He let out a moan.

“Wait...”

“Mina…?”

“I have an idea..”

“Mmm.. Do tell, darling….”

“Well… how about… I ride you for a change...”

He threw his head back in a moan of pleasure. “Please do, love.”

I grinned and I flipped him quickly on his back. He grinned back at me. Ignis slid his trousers off and I pulled at my own. Ignis assisted me with my pants as I grinned back at him.

“So eager to get my pants off aren’t you...” I said with a grin.

“Oh, yes, my darling… Otherwise there wouldn’t be a point...” Ignis whispered in my ear.

I shivered at how husky his voice was. “Iggy… you could read me the phone book right now and I’d be fucking you before you reached the B’s...”

He chuckled. “You gonna ride me or not, darling?”

“Patience, Ignis! I may have to tie you up later...”

He let out a moan. “Don’t get me started, love...”

“Ooooh. Someone likes the thought of being tied up...”

“Mmmhmmm...” Ignis said, chewing on his bottom lip.

I slid myself on him. I moaned a bit. Ignis grunted, holding back a moan of his own. I ground my hips against his and he let out a cry of pleasure. I gripped my headboard tightly as I slid in and out of him at a fast pace. He moaned louder than I’d ever heard him moan. I felt a rush of absolute pleasure. My arms were shaking.

“Love...” Ignis moaned.

“Iggy… I moaned. “Oh God, Iggy...”

His hands found my waist. He held me tightly as I moved against him. Ignis’s eyes fluttered closed. I went faster as he let out moan after moan. I let out a whimpering moan. Ignis’s eyes snapped open.

“Are you ok, love?”

“Uh huh...”

“You’re shaking...”

“I’m ok...”

He kissed me and I let out a moan. Ignis let out a moan as my pace slowed. His hands fell from my waist. He gripped the fabric of my comforter tightly as he felt his orgasm hit.

“Mina… Mina… Fuck! You feel so damn good, darling…. “

“Mmm… Ignis….” I moaned.

“Fuck… Fuck.. Mina….”

Ignis moaned loudly. His knuckles were white on my comforter as the last of his orgasm filtered through his body. I collapsed on top of him. Ignis kissed my forehead as he tried to breathe.

“Ignis?”

“Hmm?”

“You… good?”

“More than good. You?”

“Tired...”

“Would you like a massage my love?”

“Mmmm… Just the thought of that sounds amazing...”

Ignis and I swapped places. I lay face down on the bed, in a pile of pillows. He pushed my hair to one side of my head and he straddled my back. The minute his hands touched my shoulders, I felt every ounce of tension leave my body. His strong hands worked out knots that I had learned to live with. All the while he was humming a soothing melody. I felt my eyes grow heavy. I let out a relaxed sigh and I let my eyes close. I was out like a light a moment later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ignis’s POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I heard Mina let out a light snore and I chuckled. I turned onto my side and looked at her as she slept. I smiled as I gently took her in. Her olive skin was flawless against the white comforter. Mina’s auburn hair was cascading freely down past her shoulders. He lips were slightly parted as she breathed. I sighed.

How did I get so lucky? How did a woman like Mina fall for me? I rolled over onto my back and I stared at the ceiling. A woman like Mina deserved to be treated like a queen.

“Iggy….” Mina mumbled in her sleep.

“I’m here, love… shhh… Get some rest...”

“Mmmh.” Mina said.

I smiled. My smile slowly faded as I thought about what Mina had been through. Her brother, whom she was very close to, dies, her parents were killed, and her other brother, whom she doesn’t have a decent relationship with, is forced to take care of her. And then, he leaves her for dead. That still burned me. As much as I tried to think I could control what I would probably say or do to Steve if I met him, I knew I would fly off the handle.

Mina rolled on her side, facing away from me. I stroked her hair gently. She let out a happy noise. I chuckled and I turned on my side. I wrapped my arms around her and I pulled her close to me. She cuddled into me and she was dead to the world after that. I smiled and I closed my eyes. I was asleep moments later.

#Ignisxoc ffxv fanfiction

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georgewier · 7 years

Text

The Lone Star Express (The first chapter.)

I know I’m a bit of a tease, but here is Chapter One of The Lone Star Express!

CHAPTER ONE

Invest heavily in ammunition. That’s the flip-side of the warning on seeking revenge—the one about first digging two graves. When vengeance seeks you out—as opposed to the other way around—it’s wise to be locked, loaded and ready. But you have to know it’s coming, first.

With me it’s always something like that.

I’m Bill Travis, and apparently I’ve never met a problem I didn’t welcome to come on in and pull up a chair.

It began, innocently enough, with the performance of a good deed. Which brings up the second warning that I somehow bypassed during all the sturm and drang of Governor Richard Sawyer’s final disposition: no good deed goes unpunished.

Here’s how it started.

*****

Former Texas Governor Richard Donegal Sawyer was born in the Louisiana canebrakes back in the dark days of World War II. As an infant he was brought to the Texas Gulf Coast and raised by his father, his mother having died in childbirth. At age sixteen, or thereabouts, Sawyer and his father had a falling out over the fact of the elder Sawyer’s being a bloodthirsty killer and crime boss. The junior Sawyer’s feet carried him all the way to West Texas where he settled down at a life of hard labor as an oil field worker in the Permian Basin—Midland and Odessa. With his passing, at the ripe age of eighty, someone had to go looking for his will. I got that duty, at the request of his granddaughter, Elizabeth.

I was no more than a few days back from Mexico when she asked me. The next morning, I got up before the crack of dawn and drove Julie and a whole truckload of kids down to Houston, and stopped by the Sawyer home.

Julie rocked the baby in the rocking chair in Sawyer’s living room while Elizabeth and I commiserated at the dining room table, thirty feet away. There were a couple of banker’s boxes open on the glass tabletop and the contents—old papers, invoices, random things like insurance policies and old hospital bills—were poured into each box so tightly that both were apt to burst at the seams. I understood the filing system. It’s easier to throw it all in a box, especially after you realize that every single scrap of paper would need its own separate file, and office supply stores don’t typically carry fifty-thousand file folders. At least not in the economy pack.

“Do you mind?” I asked Elizabeth, and gestured with my hand over one of the boxes.

“Please do. I’m afraid to touch any of it. I’ll get immersed in it and won’t see daylight for days on end.”

I nodded and pulled out a thick sheaf of papers, about a reams-worth, and dropped it on the table-top. What spilled out was expired insurance policies, licensing agreements for trucks and tractors, old pay stubs going back to the 1950s and 60s, random photographs; a lifetime’s worth of the detritus of those things that, at the time, could not be simply thrown away. The things a person keeps!

“Yuck,” Elizabeth said.

“Everything here tells a tale,” I said. “If you were to piece it all together, maybe put it in chronological order, you’ve got a piece of the story of your grandfather’s life, which is another part of the story of Texas.”

“I know it’s not all trash, but some of it’s trash,” she said.

“No doubt. Okay, we’re looking for his will. And you say that it’s not tucked away in a safe-deposit box somewhere?”

“Uh uh. I cleaned those out. It wasn’t in there.”

“Then it’s here. Let’s keep looking.”

It took thirty minutes, but I found it. Oddly enough, it was fairly recent and tucked into the front end of the second box, right where you’d put something recent, if you were archiving it. The will was signed, witnessed and notarized roughly six months previous.

I began reading aloud.

“He leaves the whole kit ‘n kaboodle to you, Elizabeth,” I said.

“Let me see.”

I handed it to her and she read it to herself, her lips moving soundlessly and her eyes going back and forth.

“It’s a lot of responsibility for a woman your age. But I’m sure you can handle it.”

“There’s a list of stocks, bonds, all kinds of…”

“Financial instruments,” I finished for her.

“Yeah. Those.”

“It’ll take some time to find out what they’re all worth. No doubt the bulk of them were in the safe deposit boxes.”

“There was a bunch of that stuff in there, but I didn’t understand any of them.”

“I’ll take a look at them for you. For now, I suggest you get your own safe-deposit box and put them away. But after you make photo copies of everything. I’ll need a copy of it all, and I can get Penny at my office working on it in her spare time.”

“Ha. If she works for you, Mr. Travis, I doubt she has very much spare time.”

I chuckled. “You’re probably right. Never thought about it. She doesn’t know it yet, but I’m naming her a full partner on Monday.”

“Then she’s been paying her dues all these years.”

“She has.”

Elizabeth turned a page, moved her eyes down and then struck upon something. She frowned.

“What is it?” I asked.

“A heading: Disposition of Remains.”

“Oh. They’ll need to know about this down at the funeral home. And pretty quick. Before I left Austin, I had a call from the Texas State Cemetery. They’re expecting to bury your grandfather there. It’s where we bury our Governors.”

“Not according to this, it’s not.”

“Crap. I’d better see it. Those guys may have already set aside a plot for him.”

She handed me the will.

“You’ll need to get this filed with the Probate Court as soon as—” I began, but by then my eyes were already taking in the bad news. My own name jumped out at me from the page:

DISPOSITION OF REMAINS

Since I buried my heart in Midland a long time ago, it is my wish that my body be buried there beneath the ancient mesquite. I purchased the plot in 1969, knowing full well that men can easily lose their lives in the oil patch. Further, I request that my friend Walter M. Cannon accompany my body by train to its final destination. If Walt Cannon predeceases me or, due to issues of health or availability, is unable to fulfill this wish, then I request that my dear friend, Bill Travis, should do so.

For many years I have been a supporting member of the Big Thicket Steam Association, headquartered in Palestine, Texas. I request that those old boys—those who have survived me—get the old ‘19 running for one last trip out west, and that I travel each mile between Austin or Houston and Midland by whatever rail line the boys may take. I pray that I may find my rest there in Midland.

“What’s the ‘Old ‘19′?” I thought, then realized I had said it aloud.

“I have no idea.”

“It’s okay. Tell you what, why don’t you ride with us down to the copy store where we’ll make three or four copies of this, then we’ll scoot by the funeral home, drop this off with the director and let him know how to contact me.

I detected a presence at my elbow. It was Julie, gently bouncing the baby.

“What’s going on?”

“It looks like I’m going to West Texas.”

“When? And how?”

“Soon,” I said, thinking all the while about bodies, temperature and steel boxes. “And by train.”

*****

I took the family back home to Austin after making certain that everybody on the Houston end of things was on the same page. The plan was for Governor Sawyer’s body to be transported to the State Capitol, there to lie in state for two days time where all Texans who wanted to might stop by and pay their respects. It’s a time-honored practice, and Sawyer’s will didn’t preclude it. I’m not certain it would have done any good if it had. In the final analysis, while we may suggest what should happen after we’re gone, it’s the family’s wishes that are usually honored, and at any time those wishes may be trumped by the state, particularly in the instance of a dignitary. In the end, we all render unto Caesar, right down to the toenails.

In the meantime, I had a ton of phone calls to make and correspondence to get out in preparation for what was to come—an event to which I was decidedly not looking forward.

I spent an entire day at the office, mostly listening to and receiving updates on Penny’s progress on the stocks and bonds.

At the appointed time—pre-arranged between my partner and me—Nat Bierstone came by the office. He was dressed in a blue jeans, red checkered shirt and suspenders. Penny gasped. She had never seen him in anything other than a business suit.

It had been three weeks since he had come by the office. Both he and I knew that he had already retired, but he was in to make it official.

“Mr. Bierstone, you look like…a real person!” Penny said. I listened from my office, having already glanced out my window when Nat pulled into circular driveway that runs behind the office and out the other side.

“Why thank you, Miss Taylor. Is Bill in? Thought I saw his car.”

“Come on back, Nat!” I called. “Penny, you come in here too.”

I waited. When they were both inside, Nat reached behind him and closed the door.

“Something is happening, isn’t it?” Penny asked. “Are you two about to fire me?”

“In a manner of speaking,” Nat said. She started to protest, but he raised a finger, then gestured to one of the two chairs in front of my desk. “Hush now and have a seat.”

“Yes sir,” she said.

Nat took the other chair, and by way of stretching the moment out interminably, fumbled in his blue jeans pocket for the front door key and the key to his office. He removed them from the key chain and said to Penny, “Hold out your hand.”

She did, and Nat placed the keys in it. “Don’t lose them until after you’ve made another copy. This is the only one to my office in existence.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Nat’s retiring,” I said, “effective today.” I picked up an envelope from the counter and handed it to him. He took it.

“What is that?” Penny asked.

“A check,” I said. “I just bought Nat’s half of the business.”

He looked at the envelope, poked a finger at the inside of the crease, as if he was about to open it with his finger, then instead handed it to Penny.

“You want me to open it for you?” she asked.

“I want you to keep it,” he said. “You can do whatever you want with it, since it’s yours.”

“I—I’m not sure what you mean.” Her voice trembled and had become very small.

“You know what it means,” I said.

“Let me do this, Bill,” he said. “I’ve earned the right.”

“This is where you fire me,” Penny said. She opened the envelope delicately and removed the check. The amount was eight hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Her eyes stared at the thin slip of paper.

“She’s gonna burn a hole in it,” I said.

“You can keep that and cash it,” Nat said, “or you can give it right back to Bill, keep that key of mine, and start worrying about who is going to replace you and become your secretary. Or rather, yours and his.” He hooked a thumb at me.

She looked across the desk at me. “How much is half the practice worth?” she asked me.

I laughed. “Spoken like a true accountant and financial consultant.” I leaned back in my chair and interlaced my fingers over my head. “Worth a hell of a lot more than twice eight-fifty.”

Penny handed the envelope back to me. “Then I suppose we’ll need to start interviewing applicants.”

I stood up and extended my hand.

“Welcome to Travis & Taylor,” I said. She stood slowly, then took my hand and shook it. And then she started crying.

Nat stood. She let go of my hand and threw her arms around his neck, her face disappearing from view. Nat grinned at me and patted her back.

When she released him, she stood and wiped the tears from her eyes, then slowly handed the check back to me.

“Go ahead and re-deposit it in the practice account. And make an appointment at the bank. You’re to be signatory to that account from now on, so consider that you just paid yourself back.”

“Who’s idea was this?”

“All three of us,” I said. “Nat, me, and Julie as well.”

“I wish she were here.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “She made me promise to give her the play-by-play tonight.”

“I don’t know what to say,” she said.

I laughed. “There’s a first time for everything.”

“I’ll try to be a good partner for you, Mr. Travis.”

“Penny, now that it’s official, you are required to call me Bill. I won’t have a partner who can’t say my name.”

“Mr. Bierstone calls you William.”

“He can get away with it because he’s older than I am, he’s the former Lieutenant Governor of Texas, and worse than that, he’s Julie’s uncle.” I grinned at her. “You can’t.”

“Okay, Bill,” she said. And you could have knocked me over with a feather.

#train mystery book free chapter writing george wier

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