#ive been crushing on will since way back in school of comedy!

[angel-kyo]

Pay it no mind

Part XVIII

In which reader confesses their feelings to Gojo, but it seems these are not returned (maybe?).

Warnings: reader is on the receiving end of rejection (kinda), and the fact that I'm obsessed with unrequited love is a warning itself, and... idk, I didn't mean to put anything warning worthy here, but if you think of something I guess let me know. <3

Previous: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part XI, Part XII, Part XIII, Part IV, Part XV, Part XVI, Part XVII

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The days that followed after Satoru told you he liked you, it seemed that everything had gone back to normal and you two were slowly falling back into your usual routine: meeting up early in the mornings, bantering in between classes and missions, and eating lunch with Shoko when all of you were at the school. It was comforting to have things return to how they used to be, or that was what you thought.

“What’s up with him?” Shoko asked across from you.

Satoru had business to attend so he had just left you and Shoko at the table in the cafeteria.

“What do you mean?” you looked in the direction he had gone but could no longer see him.

From your perspective, Satoru had not changed much since that day he walked through the school holding your hand; he had not pressed the subject of whether you liked him back still any further either, and since he appeared to be okay in this grey zone where you two were sitting, you had not brought it up either. However, Shoko, as perceptive as ever, had noticed how Gojo, who always seemed to like your personal space, was moving into it almost permanently these days; how he was not even bothering to be discreet with the way he looked at you or remained by your side when you were in the same room, and how, if he was not careful, it would be evident to everyone pretty soon.

At first, Shoko had believed it was all in her head; since that day, years ago, when she first considered that Gojo could have some kind of crush on you, the notion had prevailed. In fact, she had thought she was looking into her friends’ relationship too much, maybe because none of them seem to pay any mind to how they were perceived, so it was not entirely impossible her eyes were just making her believe what she had accepted as true for so long was finally materializing.

Gojo’s laid-back attitude had been one of the reasons why Shoko doubted he cared seriously about whatever feelings he could have for you. Other than that rocky season in high school and a few other occurrences through the years that followed, Satoru had never taken any steps towards an actual relationship with you. Hence, Shoko thought it's a harmless crush.

But as of lately, he looked more... intent. Or maybe...

He’s losing his grip.

“You’ve never found him annoying, have you?” Your friend looked at her almost empty plate and it somehow reminded you of a similar talk you had had months ago.

“A bunch of times, but I guess I don’t find him too annoying,” you answered.

“Isn’t that all love is about?” Ieiri’s eyes connected with yours.

Her comment caught you off guard, and she might have noticed the way your smile froze because her gaze did not leave yours.

You did the only thing that could think of: laugh it off. “Yeah, I guess, if love is annoying, that is.”

Are you finally annoyed by it, Gojo?

“You tell me.” Shoko smiled and put the last bite of her food in her mouth.

***

“Why won’t she just admit she likes him?” Satoru asked while looking at the movie playing in front of him.

Maybe it was a rhetorical question, but you did not look at him before replying “Because there would have been no movie if they were that direct.”

It was a Friday night and Satoru had made an impromptu proposal to you to have a movie marathon at his place. You had accepted but now, into your first movie of the night, you were having trouble to stay focused on the story, which was supposed to be some sort of romantic comedy, not half as bad as many, but the romantic scenes were making you self-conscious.

You watched the scene where the protagonists had gone from arguing to making out and you felt the need to look somewhere else.

From the corner of your eye, Satoru seemed unimpressed.

He’s unfazed, of course he is.

Actually, Satoru was only calm on the surface. Unbeknownst to you, he had also perceived the change in the air between the two of you when the more intimate scenes started playing. He thought he should have chosen a different film, but suggesting changing it now would only make the unsaid more obvious, so he was sticking it up with the most unexpressive face he could manage as the actors on the screen seemed to melt into each other.

Satoru had not meant anything suggestive by choosing that movie; he had just played the first thing he found as he always did when you had not planned in advance, and under normal circumstances, that would have been fine. You had watched all kinds of films together, including romantic ones, the good and the bad ones, but now…

Satoru was already looking at you when you were about to steal another glance in his direction.

His gaze revealed a question he dared not ask, or rather, a question he had promised himself he would not ask until you were ready.

He was trying to be a good friend, even if he wanted to be more than that. It had took him a while to figure out his feelings, so he had resolved to give you as much time as you needed. Yes, Satoru was convinced he could wait patiently, but…

Is he leaning forward?

At times… His resolve weakened.

“[name]…”

The look he was giving you was that of a kid who wanted to ask for something but did not know how. In his clear eyes, there was need but also fear of being denied.

What is your answer? his eyes were asking.

The winter had also frozen time in your friendship, in this safe spot in Satoru’s place, where you could still be friends and pretend nothing needed to change as it never changed in the years before, not in his apartment nor in your friendship. But time must go on, does it not?

“Satoru...”

His phone rang.

Both of you looked at the phone that was screen-down on the coffee table in front of you, and it seemed to take Satoru a couple of seconds to decide if he wanted to pick it up, but he finally did.

“I’ll be right back.” You got up and went to the kitchen.

Giving him some privacy to take the call was an excuse; part of you just wanted to escape of it all, ask Satoru to take it back, let everything remain as it was, stay in the known, but the other part, the part that had been falling for him all this time wanted to see it through.

Are you in love with him?

For a second, you were back in your living room with Haruki, his question and your answer resonating in your head as you watched the cup of tea travel steady from the table to his lips.

“Some people think knowledge that doesn’t change behavior is worthless,” his eyes did not meet yours, and you did not reply immediately.

“If you knew he liked you, would you act on it?” He had almost finished his cup.

"I don't know," you replied.

Months ago, you had been convinced you wanted to act on your feelings, but now, the idea of change was scary, the idea of trying to later find out it was not what you wanted, was scarier; the idea that you and Satoru would never recover if that happened, was terrifying.

“To change something, you first need to accept the possibility of change, and of course you need to know that those possibilities exist. I guess in that way, that knowledge is not worthless, even if nothing actually comes out of it. We should accept the possibilities.”

His feelings were sudden but if there is a possibility...

“Okay, I can accept that,” you said lowly to yourself.

“You can accept what?” Satoru was looking at you and taking the sodas you had just mindlessly pulled from the fridge from your hands.

The room felt a few degrees warmer with his proximity.

“Nothing, I was just...” Your gaze drifted to the door leading to a small terrace where Satoru had installed a couple chairs to sit on when the weather was nice. He almost never did it though, and you could use some fresh air. “Do you want to go outside?”

A smile played on Satoru’s lips. “Isn’t it cold?”

“Just for a bit.”

That was how you and him needed up outside looking at the city lights. You looked up but it was impossible to see the stars. Satoru mirrored your gesture and then directed his gaze back to the city.

“Do you ever regret it?” he asked.

“Regret what?”

He shrugged. “Staying here, doing what we do, not going somewhere quieter or… somewhere where you could see the stars.” He looked up again and you kept your gaze on him.

Why was he asking that now you did not know, but you answered him honestly.

“I do not regret it.” It was true. Even when you did have the opportunity to do something else or be somewhere else, you chose not to leave. “This is pretty too.”

The lights of a city that never seem to sleep were probably not as fascinating and mystical as the stars that burned millions of light years away, but they had some beauty of their own.

“I guess so,” Satoru agreed, and he wrapped an arm around you, and after some silence he spoke again.

“Aren't you cold?”

You nodded your head. “But can we stay here a little longer?”

And maybe what you really wanted to ask was can we stay like this a little longer?

In any case, Satoru would have given you the same response as he held you tighter.

“Of course.”

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Note: I'll try to proofread... Oh, and sorry about basically disappearing. Thank you a bunch for the kind messages during my silence. <3

Thank you for reading!

Next: Part XIX

@mavs-stuff @witchbybirth @crookedlyaddictedone-blog @tqd4455 @maybe-a-bi-witch @mo0nforme @maliakealoha @zacatecanaaaa @blushhpeachh @astriarose @missesgojosatoru @ba-ks @sukunasleftkneecap @songbirdlully @cole-silas @heijihattorisgf @chokesonspit @hersheyzzz @smolbeanzzz @luciledreamz @avidreadee123 @moonmalice @ratscandaler @sadmonke @allie-jay @username23345 @spin-garden @ashehateaccount @kayzens @blehtotheblehtothebleh @stellasloth @bloopsstuff @cheesemachine44 @tetsuski

#gojo satoru #jjk #gojo x you #jjk fanfic #gojo x y/n #jujutsu kaisen #jjk gojo #gojo fanfic #gojo x reader #gojo fluff #gojou satoru x reader #satoru x reader #pay it no mind

[alrightberries]

dante’s inferno

request: wassup homie could you maybe write a college au fic where levi and reader are rommies, then one day reader brings home an adopted cat without levi's prior knowledge? You could decide what happens next lol. Tysm 🥺

❈ pairing: levi ackerman x reader

❈ genre: fluff, semi-crack ❈ word count: 4k

❈ summary: college au. in which you bring a stray cat to your dorm and your neat freak roommate won’t let you keep it.

alternatively: a compilation of college shenanigans where you and levi are best friends who are bad with feelings (ft. an unamused cat named dante)

❈ trigger warnings: profanity. mentions of alcohol and smoking. implied smut.

a/n: this was supposed to be loosely based on the nine circles of hell according to inferno by dante alighieri— hence the title— but i did my research wrong so now it’s loosely based on the seven terraces of purgatory according to divine comedy. i’m keeping the title tho.

Inspired by this art by @ryuichirou on tumblr.

Permission to repost art was granted by the artist. Do not repost/edit the art without explicit permission from the artist.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

i. first terrace: pride

“We’re not keeping it.”

“But why?”

“We’re not keeping it.”

“But why.”

Levi’s tongue clicks in annoyance. His eyes glance next you where the offending creature lay on your bed; tail curling, paws kneading at his your favorite fleece blanket. Quite frankly he’s a little offended when the little shit has the audacity to glare at him back.

He’ll never admit it, but his ego’s a bit bruised because the cat’s glare was slightly better than his.

“I said no,” he firmly replies, looking back to you. “It’s bad enough I have to share a room with an anarchist who has no respect for boundaries—“

“One time, I forgot to use a coaster that one time!”

“—and now you expect me to share a room with a dirty fur ball who does nothing but eat, shit, and sleep?”

“He’s a cat, Levi.” You murmur, scooping the cat into your arms. “And he has a name,” you give a nervous smile when you see your rommate grit his teeth. He feels a headache coming.

“You named it?”

“Dante is not an ‘it’.”

Levi makes a move to step closer but immediately stops when the ‘Dante’ hisses at him.

“Aw, he likes you.” You coo.

“Clearly,” he replies unenthusiastically. “Listen,” he sighs. “I respect your cat’s pronouns but that doesn’t mean he’s allowed to stay. Or do I need to remind you of the mac and cheese incident?”

Okay, maybe he was on to something. If you got caught with a pet in the dorms you’d breach your third and final warning, and you’d be forced to dorm off-campus. The fact that you were still here after the mac and cheese incident was solely because Levi pulled some strings (aka asked Erwin, golden boy of the campus who owed him a favor, to pull some strings).

But you couldn’t just let Dante go. There was something about him that felt so familiar; something about his black fur, thin silver eyes, unamused snarl, and overall grumpy demeanor. Especially endearing was the way he’d grumble and pretend to be annoyed whenever you tried to cuddle him but would complain if you stopped.

You just couldn’t figure out who or what he reminded you of.

Maybe you would’ve figured it out too if you weren’t so distracted with watching Levi and Dante stare at each other. Your eyes dart back and forth between the grouchy cat sitting on your bed and your grouchy roommate sitting on his desk. Both were slightly crouched over with their heads tilted up in a show of dominance; they were engaged in what seemed to be a glaring contest, gunmetal irises unamused and mouths taut in a snarl as they protected their territory.

You sigh. You really, for the life of you, couldn’t figure out why Dante felt so familiar.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

ii. second terrace: envy

Levi is not jealous. He’s not.

At least that’s what he tells himself as he sulks alone on his bed. His arms are crossed and his lips are in a pout, eyebrows knitted in distaste, occasionally glancing to your side of the room where you sat up on your bed. He’s sure whatever movie you chose to watch together is interesting and all, but right now all he could pay attention to was that stupid cat. Sitting on your stupid lap. Getting its fur stroked by your stupid hand. Getting all the love and affection his stupid self should be receiving.

It was him you should be cuddling, not Dante. Saturday nights were reserved for him and you, not you and a cat while he happened to be in the room. He’s been trying to make a move on you since high school and he can’t fucking believe he’s losing your attention to a cat. Sure, he’s always been too chicken to make a move and had to suffer seeing you get together with assholes— as per your type during your emo high school days— but this was a new low. He can’t wrap his head around the concept that he’s losing his longterm crush to a motherfucking cat.

When you coo at how adorable the fleabag was for what felt like the 50th time that night, Levi decides he’s had enough of the cuddle-hogging piece of shit.

Wordlessly, he crosses to your side of the room and lifts the cat from its perch, ignoring your protests as he sets it down on the floor and tells it to ‘scram, you little fuck.’ He uses a hand to dust your lap free of any microscopic cat particles Dante probably left behind before lying down his head down once he was satisfied. He grabs your hand to put it on his hair.

“Stroke.” He orders, eyes closing.

“What? No! You pushed off Dante.”

“He was in my spot.”

“You couldn’t have given up your lap pillow for one night?”

“One night?” He scoffs and turns to look at you. “You’ve been abandoning me for two weeks. That disgusting, tic-infested, rabies-carrying slob has no business sitting on your lap.”

“He’s not disgusting, you gave him a shower before you agreed to let me keep him. And I took him the vet to make sure he had all his shots. He’s clean, Levi.”

“Tch, good. Now throw him out and let him find someone else to freeload from.”

“Okay, what’s going on?” You guffaw. “You’ve been grumpier than usual. And why’re you being such an ass to Dante? He’s just a cat.”

“Don’t think he’s special in some way. I’m an ass to everyone.”

“Then why does it feel like you’re always extra mean to him?”

He doesn’t reply. His lips are downturned into a frown when he looks away with a click of his tongue, and you realize with a sigh you won’t be getting an answer from your cryptic roommate soon. Your fingers start mindlessly stroking his undercut when you get lost in your thoughts— a habit you developed through years of Levi using your lap as a pillow. He always complained the first few times you did it but you knew it calmed both him and you, and that it put both your minds at ease. Moreso Levi right now, apparently.

You’re keenly aware of how he seems to curl up into you the more you keep going. You watch as his shoulders slump down when you stroke the side of his face, and his eyebrows relax slightly. From your angle, you could even see the way his eyes close in content. Maybe even a tiny smile if you were being delusional.

Your lip twitches upward.

“Oh my god, Levi, are you jealous of a cat?”

“Shut up and play with my hair.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

iii. third terrace: wrath

“You owe me a new cravat.”

You blink up at your roommate. “What?”

“You owe me a new cravat.” He repeats. He pulls from his pocket a white piece of fabric— barely recognizable— torn into shreds, releases it mid-air. It gently lands on your open palm.

“Wait, did Dante do this?” You ask, eyeing the slik in your hands.

“Unless you went feral in the middle of the fucking night and decided to cut up my clothes, yes.”

“Oh my god, Levi, I’m so sorry. I swear Dante will never—“

“You actually owe me three cravats,” he interjects. “The first two I overlooked since they weren’t that expensive but I draw the line here.” His lips are downturned into a frown, eyes poorly concealing his clear distaste. “This one’s my favorite and it was made from silk.”

You eye the fabric in your hands once more before nodding in understanding, setting down the once beautiful cravat before taking out your wallet. It was only fair that you paid him back; he was being more than generous with letting your cat stay and keeping it a secret, and now you wonder how many bad things Dante’s done that Levi’s overlooked or simply never brought up with you.

“Sure, I’m really sorry. How much do I owe you?”

Levi doesn’t say anything. Instead he pulls out his phone and types something on what you could only assume was google, most likely looking for the same brand of the cravat your cat had just torn into shreds. You weren’t entirely sure how much those could cost, but surely you could afford—

“What the fuck!” You screech, eyeing the page with very, very hefty price tags listed. Holy fucking hell where did he even get the money to buy something so expensive. Gulping, you nervously look up at your unimpressed roommate. You already knew he was taking it easy on you; his aura was the only thing intimidating, at least he wasn’t giving you the murder eyes. And even though he was a man of his word, you were thankful he hasn’t reported Dante.

Still, it didn’t change the fact that Levi looked pissed beyond belief.

“Uhm... can I pay you with a check that’ll definitely bounce?”

“You will pay me in cash.”

“Fuck, fine!”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

iv. fourth terrace: sloth

Levi silently works on his desk. His laptop’s open in fromt of him, numerous notes from classes and books from the library surrounding him. The gentle sounds of clicking and clacking echoe throughout the room as fingers typed at the keyboard, eyes concentrated and lips pulled taught as he focuses on his task. He’s on a roll. He’s almost done with this part of his research, nothing could snap him out of this, he just needs to—

“Levi, when do you think Dante will come back to me?”

He stops typing and grits his teeth.

This is how it’s been the entire night. Ten minutes of peace before you ask him some stupid questions that could’ve been answered with common sense.

“Fuck if I care.”

“Do you think it was something I did?”

He resumes typing. “Yes.”

“Do you think he’ll come back?”

“No.”

“Even after all we’ve been through?”

“Still no.”

“I miss him,” you sigh. “I miss him so much.”

“Then you shouldn’t have left the door open.”

It’s been a week since Dante escaped the dorm and Levi doesn’t understand why you’re still so depressed about it. I mean, you only lost a cat that you loved and treasured and treated like family. Surely a week of moping around in your pajamas and eating nothing but chips and soda was catharsis enough.

He hears you shift in your burrito blanket, presumably to turn away from him so you can sulk into the wall next to your bed. Good. Now he can get back to working on—

“Levi do you think Dante-“

“Enough.” He grits, slamming his laptop shut.

“Where’re you going?” You ask, eyeing the way he hurriedly stuffs papers and books into his bag along with his laptop.

“Out.” He replies, grabbing his keys and his coat. “I can’t stand this shit anymore.”

Your head is burried in your blankets when he slams the door shut and all you could do was slump down because great. You lost Dante, and now you’ve royally pissed off Levi.

Great. Just fucking great.

Unlike your cat, however, your roommate comes back hours later, just before curfew. He doesn’t bother with a hello— he never does— and neither do you, opting to stay hidden underneath the sheets. Though suddenly, there’s a dip in the mattress followed by a pur next to your head.

Could it be?

“Dante?” You murmur, lifting your head from underneath your cocoon of fabric. Small black paws and silver eyes meet your gaze. “Dante!” Immediately sitting up, you pulled him to your lap, scratching his little head and cooing about how much you missed him as he purred and curled into to you.

Levi would never say it, but he missed seeing you smile at the little fleabag.

You turn to look at your roommate. “How’d you find him?”

“Asked around the campus. He wandered into another dorm building and probably thought it was ours.”

“Well yeah but... I thought you hated him?”

“I do.” He replies instantly.

“Then why’d you find him?”

“I hate him, not you.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

v. fifth terrace: avarice

“I fucking hate both of you,” Levi grumbles, staring at the dorm.

Towers of boxes lined his supposed to be clean dorm room. He had a hard time prying the door open since it was blocked, and he wasn’t even sure how the boxes weren’t blocking out the light from how high they were piled. Dante’s sat on a stack of box directly next to the door, purring and flicking his tail around. Levi squints his eyes and glares at the little shit.

“You especially.”

“Mrow?”

Levi’s day had been, with no irony or sarcasm at all, amazing. He got a good grade on his research paper; the guy in front of him at the cafe accidentally ordered an extra serving of (coincidentally, Levi’s favorite) tea and gave it to him for free; and he got full marks for the presentation he’s been worrying about for weeks. His class even got dismissed early so he had an extra hour for lunch. He knew you didn’t have classes, so in honor of his great day he thought he’d do something nice and take you out for lunch. His treat, of course.

But any trace of his good mood vanished when he went back to the dorms and got greeted to a room that looked like it came from an episode of Hoarders.

This is what he gets for trying to be nice.

“Levi! Is that you?” You called out.

“What the fuck happened?”

You laugh sheepishly— at least Levi thinks you do. He couldn’t see you beyond the hundred boxes that took up your shared room. He hears some rustling and the sound of things being moved around before finally your head pops out from behind a wall of brown, smiling at him apologetically before walking towards him (and tripping a few times).

“Remember when I said I’d order some toys for Dante as a surprise?”

Levi’s eye twitches. “Don’t tell me—”

“I accidentally ordered 10,000 instead of 10. Online shopping struggles, am I right?” You nervously chuckle at his pissed off face. Levi was not in the mood.

Your smile widens as you make twinkly gestures with your hands. “So uh... surprise?”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

vi. sixth terrace: gluttony

The clinic is still when you first entered.

The harsh smell of alcohol and sterile metal makes your nose grimace, and the coldness of the thermostat brings goosebumps to your arms. Behind the wall, somewhete in the waiting room, cats are hissing, dogs are barking, and you could even hear the sound of birds angrily chirping and rattling their cages.

Dante cowers in fear on the silver table, and your heart aches. His ears are down and his fur’s standing on its ends, but you couldn’t comfort him. Not right now, at least. The veterinarian still needed to do a few more checks.

You gulp, “how’s... how’s Dante looking, doc?”

“Not good,” she murmurs. Her eyebrows are furrowed, and she takes a deep sigh as she eyes the information on the chart. “It’ll take months before he can walk properly again, possibly more if we don’t do anything about it soon.”

“Don’t tell me... is he—-”

“I’m sorry, my dear,” she sighs. “But your cat is heavily obese.”

The corners of your lips twitch down into a frown, and your palm is warm when you start to stroke Dante’s fur. He calms down a bit from your touch, less on edge but still guarded as he warily eyes the doctor’s gloved hands.

“But I don’t understand,” you reply. “I’ve been following the recommended diet you put him on, and I haven’t been feeding him anything other than the cat food and vitamins you recommended. How’s he still obese?”

“Well, we could look into other solutions, but for now I think we ought to look at whether or not Dante has an underlying health problem.”

Levi tunes out the chatter between you and the vet, bored eyes staring into nothing. He’s leaning against a wall and he’s watching the cat carrier. Your bag’s slung over his shoulders and your coat’s in his arms, and he was sure you didn’t even need him to be here for “moral support.”

He mentally scoffs. You probably just needed a chauffeur to drive you for free, and honestly, Levi would rather feel like a chauffeur than a coat rack.

His eyes make contact with Dante’s, and all the fear in the cat’s eyes is suddenly gone, replaced with a steely glare and bared teeth. A warning, one no one else notices but him.

Levi gives him a solitary nod, understanding what Dante wanted to say.

Don’t tell Y/N I’ve been sneaking to the neighbors.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

vii. seventh terrace: desire

There’s something about the buzz of alcohol and nicotine that makes Levi confident—- the liquid courage in his veins and the smoke in his lungs clouding his judgement. Perhaps that’s where he finally gets the balls to cross the room, drunken eyes on your equally intoxicated ones, before he pulls you in for a kiss.

The kiss starts slow, with lips just interlocking and lightly testing the waters. But then he feels your tongue make its way inside his mouth and your fingers weave into his hair to tug him closer, and Levi loses the last threads of inhibition he has. His tongue massages yours and one of his arm wraps around your waist, the other comes down to grope and knead your ass. He feels you walk backwards and your hand pulls at his tie, dragging him with you. Suddenly he’s trapping you against a wall, lifting one of your legs up to wrap around his hips so he could grind his crotch into yours.

Levi doesn’t expect his first kiss with you to be like this; messy and full of tongue and spit, full of fingers clawing at clothes and small grunts escaping your lips. He was hoping it’d be more romantic, with warm cheeks and fingers softly intertwining, shy kisses exchanged through little smiles.

But he’s not about to complain—- he’s wanted to be with you for years, and god he loved having you like this. Loved having you all hot and desperate, trapped between his firm chest and the wall. His cock is hard in his pants, and he just about growls when he feels you start to undo his belt, the fly of his pants coming down as you got on your knees and stared up at him with innocent eyes as you pull out his aching boner. There’s a cheeky grin your face when you pump at his length, and your tongue peaks out of your mouth before—

“Levi, are you okay?”

His eyes snap open, and he’s greeted to the sight of your worried face directly above his.

“Fuck!” he yells, and his forehead slams into yours when he flinches away. “Sorry, sorry” he quickly ammends when you yelp in pain.

He’s covered in sweat, he notices. Chest heaving, heart beating a little too loud for his liking, and he silently pulls the blankets over his cum stained boxers when you sit beside him.

God, he was really hoping you wouldn’t notice the fact that he came in his pants like a high schooler. And it was before dream you even got to suck him off. How much more pathetic could he be.

“Are you okay?” He asks, and you nod.

“Yeah, m’fine, it’s just...” your eyes are distracted, staring off into space. Fingers trace his thighs, and you sigh. “You were having a nightmare,”

Levi blinks. “What?”

“You were having a nightmare,” you repeat. “Kept tossing and turning and groaning in your sleep. And you kept making these... funny faces,”

“...right,” he nods. Sure, a nightmare. A nightmare he never wanted to wake up from.

It takes about ten minutes to reassure you that yes, he was fine, don’t mind the way his cheeks are flushed, he was just... shaken up from his nightmare, is all. Then you’re back to bed, sleeping the night away, and twenty minutes later he’s on his way back to bed too; this time with a fresh pair of boxers and a content look on his face, all thanks to him finishing off his fantasies in the communal bathroom during his shower.

The door makes a quiet click when he shuts it behind him, and he freezes when he catches sight of Dante sat up on your bed, tail flicking behind him as he gives Levi a knowing look.

Levi squints his eyes, and he threateningly whispers, “you tell no one.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

epilogue

The half empty room brings a frown to your face, and all you could do was pout as you sealed up the last of the boxes.

“Why do you have to leave again?” you ask, and Levi turns around as he finishes folding the last of his clothes. He shrugs. “Cats aren’t allowed in the dorms.”

You owed him your entire college career, that much was sure. The RA’s found out about Dante, and Levi had taken the fall to spare you. He wasn’t required to move out since it was only his first strike, but he insisted on doing so so that Dante wouldn’t be alone, saying he already found an apartment nearby and he’ll never hear the end of it from you if he didn’t take Dante with him.

Bullshit. Levi had a soft spot for Dante, you knew that much. He wasn’t doing it for you, he was doing it for himself. Though normally you’d be overjoyed to know that Levi really did secretly like the cat he pretended to hate so much, this time, you were just pissed. You couldn’t believe a fucking cat was stealing away the guy you’ve been in love with since high school. Sure, you were too much of a coward to ask him out, but he was basically your boyfriend already—- the entire campus knew you inadvertently had dibs on each other.

“Yeah but... do you have to leave me alone?”

“I asked you to come with me, and you said no.” He points out. “I still don’t see why when we’ve been roommates since we were freshmen.”

“It’s different off-campus!”

“How?”

“Because it’s like... it’s like we’re moving in together, y’know?” you reply. “And it seemed wrong to move in with you when we’re not even dating.”

“Let’s do it, then.”

“What do you mean?”

He sighs, handing you a spare key to what you could only assume was his new apartment. You glance between him and the key in your hands, and he rolls his eyes when he realizes that you still don’t get it.

“I know we’re doing this backwards since couples don’t typically move in before the first date,” he says before gesturing to Dante. “But we already have a son, and I know you’re his favorite parent. We can share custody until you can move in with me.”

You blink. “What?” Your brain stopped working when Levi referred to you as a couple, and you’re pretty sure your heart stopped beating too. At this point, anything he said went in one ear and out the other. He flicks your forehead.

“Hey— ow! What was that for?”

“You weren’t listening.”

“And you’re being a prick!” you grumble. “It hurts, y’know.”

He scoffs. “What do you want me to do? Kiss it better?” he scoffs.

Your mouth moves faster than your brain, “I’d rather you kiss me.”

Wait. What?

Before you could go back on your words, Levi shrugs. Warm palms gently grab your cheeks, pulling your face closer to his. Your eyes widen and you momentarily freeze, brain definitely not working anymore. He hesitates when you don’t make a move, but then you’re shyly leaning forward, and that was all the confirmation Levi needs.

“If you insist,” he whispers, and suddenly your words die on your tongue when his lips interlock with yours.

alrightberries © 2020. do not modify or repost.

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#levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman imagine #levi imagine #attack on titan x reader #aot x reader #attack on titan imagine #aot imagine #shingeki no kyojin x reader #snk x reader #shingeki no kyojin imagine #snk imagine #writing

[violetnotez]

Can I request a storyline where reader and Ms. Joke gives advice to each other to ask their crushes out. (Reader crushing on Bakugou and Ms. Joke likes Eraserhead). Also I love your Dabi fic it's so damn amazing.

Anon I know this took so long but I loved this idea ALOT. Like-literally GENIUSSSSSSSS!!!! And omg I’m so happy you liked my Dabi fics!!!🥺😭

Another fic for the @bnhabookclub event! If you wanna join in, heres the link!

Also pls ignore that Ms Jokes shoulder has disappeared I forgot to fix it 💀

Bakugo x reader

⤷ Genre: Fluff

⤷ Word Count: 2000+

⤷ Warnings: cursing

⤷ Synopsis: As your helping your hero aunt Ms. Joke concoct a plan to win over Eraserhead, the conversation somehow turns to your crush on Bakugo. Even though you feel comfortable talking about the hotheaded boy with your aunt over the phone, you don’t realize how bad that idea is until a certain someone decided to eavesdrop outside the door.

Song Recs: ⤷ Leave This Place-Lione ⤷All This Time-Deorro ⤷Start It Over-NOTD

“Okay okay, how about this one-

“Can you pass me my inhaler, because you just took my breath away!”

Ms. Joke made an over exaggerated attempt at swooning, her voice airy and theatrical. You couldn’t help but giggle at her antics, your nose scrunching at the terrible pick up line she just gave you.

“I don’t think that one will work Auntie,” you mused, your phone on speaker as you tidied up your UA dorm room.

Not many people were aware of it, but your aunt was Ms. Joke, the comedy hero. It was quite a shocker when you let that information out to your classmates, as they couldn’t understand why you had went to UA over her hero school. It was true you had entertained the idea of going, but as much as you loved your aunt-you could only tolerate her for so long. She was so fun and energetic to be around, but that energy quickly became draining after a few hours.

The thought of having to be around your aunt every day made you feel tired just thinking about it, so you had kindly opted to try UA instead. Your aunt was a little disappointed that you had picked UA over her school, but she was over the moon excited for you to finally follow her footsteps and become a hero.

It also didn’t hurt that you would be around Aizawa quite a lot-and she definitely used that to her advantage.

“Oh Cmon tho, Jitter Bug, he would love it!” She exclaimed through the phone. “That one is such a laugh riot!”

“I think you forget that Mr. Aizawa isn’t too big on jokes,” you gave her a short giggle as you began to fold the freshly cleaned clothes on your bed.

“Hm….” she hummed in thought.

“What about-I’m thirsty, and guess whose body is 75% water? I’d then give him a killer smile to go along with it-he can’t say no to me then!”

Your cheeks turned incredibly red-the thought of your aunt hitting on your teacher so openly like that? Revolting.

You made a gagging noise at the prospect, a nervous laugh spilling out.

“I swear if you do that, I will dig my own grave and lay in there from second hand embarrassment,”

A belly laugh erupted in the other end of the line, Ms. Joke’s chuckles high pitched and uncontrollable.

“You really are a hard one to impress, huh?” She said between laughter.

“That type of pick up line is a little too young though-you babies are the ones that say ‘thirsty’ all the time…”

You heard a little hum on the other side of the phone, signaling she was thinking deeply.

“Why don’t you use that one on that boy you like, what’s his name again?”

She asked good naturedly, a hint of sneakiness in her voice. “It’s-Bakugo, Katsuki Bakugo, right?”

Your eyes went wide like saucers, your body language going rigid.

“Auntie you cant say that so loud, I’m on speaker phone!” You hushed her.

Your cheeks went insanely red, your head swiveling to look at your door.

Damn you and not closing it properly-anybody walking by could have heard!

Your aunt only knew about your crush because she had noticed you staring quite intently at Bakugou at your provisional licensing exam, her questions hard to not answer truthfully. She had promised not to tell anyone, not even your parents, but she used it against you nevertheless.

You sighed a breath of relief once you were satisfied that no one had walked by, your head turning back to your phone call.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

Unknowing to you, someone had walked by-Bakugo.

It was later in the day and getting close to his early bedtime, so he had come up to tell you to be quiet.

It felt strange walking up to your room-Bakugo knew he was beginning to like you, more than just a classmate or a friend, yet he didn’t quite want to believe it.

He shouldn’t have all these vulnerable feelings, he should be focusing on training and nothing more. But the more and more he tried to ignore it the more and more he realized how much he truly admired you-you were so damn pretty to him, your laugh and smile always making a blush rise to his cheeks, and the way you would look at him so innocently whenever he spoke to you made his whole world light up.

He liked how you respected him, but you would also put him in his place if needed.You were really one of the few only people he would listen to, which made it even worse-you had a power over him you didn’t even know about. It frustrated him, but he cared about your opinion too damn much to openly defy your wishes.

It sucked how easily he’d fallen for you, but he couldn't make it stop, no matter how hard he tried.

Just as he trudged up the stairs to your room, he noticed the door unlocked, a strange thing for him to see since he had prepared himself to knock. Whatever-less time waiting outside your door. He lightly leaned himself against the adjacent wall, ready to yell his warning at you quickly until he heard the familiar voice of Ms. Joke speak his name from a phone call.

The hell were you even talking about?

He couldn’t help it, he had to listen in, it was him you were talking about after all. As much as he didnt want to care, he hoped it was only good things you were speaking of, his heart fluttering when he heard your aunt say “you like him.”

Was it true? Did you really feel the same for him?

Bakugo instantly felt himself to sweat, his vermillion eyes wide as he prayed the news he was hearing wasn’t a lie-you had to like him back. You just had to.

Ms. Joke laughed at your distress, her voice lighthearted and loud.

“Oops, sorry!” She said, not a single ounce of remorse in her tone. “But really, y/n, what do you see in that boy! He’s so-well-“

“Harsh?” You finished her sentence, shuffling on your bed.

“Exactly! He’s always so mean and entitled too-you can’t find another boy in UA? What about Shoto-hes a pretty one!”

You gave a giggle, your hands fiddling nervously with your hair.

“Shoto is just a friend Auntie, and besides, he’s quite reserved-Bakugo isn’t,” you sighed, “Ive never meant anyone like him before.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

Bakugo’s heart beat painfully in his chest from outside the door.

This was fucking wrong-he was being a total creepster eaves dropping in your private conversation.

He kept telling himself that this was all okay, because you were talking about him and it was your goddamn fault for speaking about him behind his back-

But he knew deep down it was because he wanted so badly to know. He just wanted to be reassured that there was a connection between you two and he could pursue it somehow.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

“He’s just so-different. He is really harsh and brutally honest-it makes him kinda unique in a way. He’s always so driven, trying to do his best to be the best-it’s infectious, ya know? I can't help but admire him for that.”

you admired him? god, hearing those words sent him over the moon. You sounded so sweet and so soft as you relayed all your inner feelings to Ms. Joke, his heart was practically swooning.

Your aunt gave a small nod at your words, her voice much more understanding.

“Have you talked to him? Tried to ask him out or do anything you little kiddies usually do when you have a crush?” She asked playfully.

You sighed, your hands combing through your hair.

“Oh I could never! He wouldn’t like me back-he’s too into his school work. And he is super harsh-god I don’t know what I’d do if he’d reject me….”

“I understand you full heartedly JitterBug,” she used your nickname again, a groan slipping out of your lips.

“Are you yiu ever going to stop calling me that!”

“Never!” She exclaimed, her voice loud and cheerful again. “Your my wonderful little JitterBug and I’m going to keep calling you that until I kick the bucket!

“But really,” she sighed, her tone much more serious. “You never know until you try! I got rejected myself many, many, MANY times-but Im still doing perfectly fine!”

You held back a small snicker-your aunt, the Jokester Hero, who can’t hold a conversation without cackling like a maniac, the one who wears the most ridiculous outfits, has a chaotic fighting style, and has been pinning over the same guy since her internship days as a rookie?

Yeah, perfectly fine isn’t the best way you would describe her.

You simply hummed a nod in order to satiate her a response, a small smile gracing your lips.

“Ugh, I just got a call-they need me to help out with some robbery,” you aunt huffed out, her tone clearly tired. You felt a little bad for the hero-she must have been having a pretty crazy day.

“I’m sorry we had to cut our call so short!”

“Oh no it’s no problem!” You reasuresed her happily, “stay safe out there!”

“You two Jitterbug! Byeeeee!” She practically yelled her goodbye into the phone, making you flinch.

You breathed a tranquil sigh, readying yourself to start studying for your tests when you heard a loud banging upon your door.

“Oi, dumbass, can I come in for a minute?” The gruff voice of Bakugo filled the room, making your blood shiver-

Bakugo?!? Wait-was he there the whole time?!?

You teeth were practically chattering from that overwhelming fear, your cheeks red and your eyes wide.

You seriously were going to crawl into a hole and never come out if he heard that whole conversation.

You crawled off your bed, your hand making their way to the door to peak it open slightly.

Bakugo’s heart was thumping violently in his chest-now he knew you felt the same for him, this was going to be extremely easy. But he still felt really nervous, especially when your hair was so perfectly messy like that and your cheeks were dusted with pink like you were already nervous yourself.

God damn, why did you have to be so attractive? It just messed everything up for him, making him feel like he couldn’t think straight.

“Hey Bakugo, I-Uh-what’s up? Did you need something?”

“Yeah,” he replied gruffly, his nerves making his hand sweat more than usual. “something like that,”

Damn quirk, he thought in annoyance, shoving his hands into his pants. “You gonna let me in?”

“Oh-uh,”you began to stutter, shifting away from the door and opening it up slightly, “sure, yeah!”

He grinned to himself at your adorableness-did you always act this nervous around him? How did he not notice you like him before-it was so obvious to see now when you were fidgeting like that.

He strutted into your room, a new found confidence in him as he shut the door of the room for you, practically trapping you in with him. A mischievous smirk graced his lips, making your heart thump against your ribcage.

“Don’t want anyone overhearing by accident cause you cant close a door right,”

You groaned in embarrassment.

Welp-he knew.

You gave him a small look, your eyes doe -like and scrunched up in uneasiness.

“How much of that did you hear?” You asked timidly.

Bakugo scoffed, that shit eating grin still plastered on his face.

“All of it, Jitterbug,”

You groaned yet again, plopping your body onto the bed in embarrassment.

How could this happen?! He was right-you should have closed the door! You covered your face with your hands, your fingers trailing against your forehead and your hair.

“God I’m so sorry, I probably sounded like a creep, I didn’t mean to-“ you tried to apologize and explain yourself, your cheeks a cherry red.

“Do you like me?” He interrupted you, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

You looked up timidly-god, was he always this intimidating?

He was standing right in front you, his overwhelming stature making you feel so small and overpowered. He was wearing this strange smirk, as if he was enjoying interrogating you.

That usually wasn’t a Bakugo thing to do, to smirk like that, but damn, was it kinda-hot. You could really only focus on that, on the way his lips curled up so softly like he was happy about something but trying to repress it. It was warm and inviting, and you couldn’t help but feel some of your awkwardness melt away.

“How would you feel if I said ‘yes’?” You tried your best to lighten the mood some what, a nervous smile slipping against your lips.

Bakugo knelt down, his body so much more closer to you. His hands went on each side of your legs, his thumbs just brushing your outer thigh. He caged you in to the bed with his arms, his face mere inches from yours.

Well shit.

You felt the blood rush to your face, your ears pounding-you never knew he felt this warm so close, and god-did he really smell like salted caramel? His vermillion eyes were boaring to yours, sending your senses into over drive.

“And how would it feel if I said ‘yes’?” He turned your words against you, his voice husky and deep form being so close.

You squirmed from nerves, your hands going to play with your hair. It was so strange being so close to him, and you didn’t know what to do.

You looked so cute flustered like this-Bakugo internally tried to remember this perfectly, mentally writing down your adorable mannerisms and facial expression to memory. As much as he loved this, you were taking too long for a reply, and he was getting a little annoyed.

“What was that? I’m still waiting,” he asked gruffly, his voice low and sultry.

You gulped, feeling a pang in your heart from hearing that type of voice come from him. Directed to you.

“I-Uh-yes, I-I do, I've liked you for a while now,” you revealed, your cheeks practically tomato red.

He smirked at your expression, slowly lifting his body with off the weight.

You looked up in confusion, already feeling cold without his warm body so close to yours.

“Good,” he replied, his voice prideful, “cause I feel the same way.”

“You do!” You practically shouted, your eyes wide with shock.

The Bakugo-“liked you” liked you? You could practically scream with happiness.

“Well yeah dumbass, why would I say that if I didn’t?” He chuckled slightly, his bright red eyes still drinking you in.

Now his nerves were coming out again, a heaviness feeling his stomach as he realized what he had to do now.

“I-I’m not good at this shit, but-

“Wanna go out tomorrow?”

You were practically screaming like a little girl internally. This was happening? Was this all just a cruel dream?

Only one way to figure out if this was real or not.

You stood up from the bed, bringing yourself close to the hot head.

Now it was Bakugo’s turn to be embarrased-he was getting too comfortable being the one to make you nervous. He forgot how you could make him so flustered, your warm smile and pretty eyes making his heart thump painfully and his mind go into a panicked standstill.

Your hands shakily wrapped around his neck, slow to see how he would react.

God, you had thought about touching his hair for so long now, it was even better than you imagined-soft and fluffy like a cloud, you ran your hands through the spiky locks. The faint smell of caramel wafted into your nose agaun, making you feel nervous and calm at the same time.

He was slightly rigid, staring at you with shocked eyes-but he seemed to not mind this. You smiled softly, your heart thumping-it was now or never.

You slowly got on your toes and leaned yourself into his lips, surprised how warm they felt. At first he didn’t move, which scared you-but he eventually began to move against your lips, a little rough but still pleasant. A flood of warmth filled your body, your hands relaxing against his body. You felt his arms wrap around your body, his lips now taking the lead and guiding you into him.

You couldn’t believe how good this felt, how perfect and surreal it was.

But you remembered-sadly- breathing was a thing, your lungs burning as you both reluctantly pulled away.

You thanked your aunt for her loud mouth in your blissful daze, because without her, you wouldn’t be kissing your crush now.

You smiled at the blonde, his cheeks dusted with red and his eyes drinking you in.

“Tomorrow sounds great.”

#bnha #bnha x reader #bakugo x reader #bnha bakugo x reader #mha bakugo x reader #katsuki x reader #bnha katsuki x reader #mha katsuki x reader #kastuki bakugo #bnha bakugo x you #bnha bakugo x reader #mha bakugo katsuki #bakugo x reder #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x reader #katsuki #katsuki x y/n #katsuki imagine #bnha katsuki x you #bnha katsuki hc

[timextoxhajima]

HOSTIS, Chapter VII: Partium, The Party

Previous Chapter (VI: Venerum)

Member: Lee Hyunjae (tbz)

Genre (by chapter): comedy, drama, angst???

Category: Short Novel/Long Series

aphrodite was talking to ares, but it was the wrong ares. 

five days of being a real doctor.

patients to take care of. medical records to keep up with. 

for awhile, it seemed so quiet; life was nothing but tranquil for the last five days. even lucifer next door seemed so cooped up in his own patients to deal with that he hadn’t really had the time or energy to come and annoy you. 

maybe it was zeus’ way of telling you that he was done making two areses play a never-ending war. all the two of you really needed was a reminder that you were both finally in a place you wanted to be. you’ve spent most of your life studying and drowning in words and science to get here; why waste that effort by throwing yourself into a wrestling ring with him?

but zeus also seemed to be petty with how much aphrodite he was offering you. 

since eric sent you home last week, you haven’t seen him since. doctor kim hasn’t emailed you or told doctor choi that you were needed in the research department, neither were you available in any given point of time to even go to the research department to look for the intern. 

you felt like a young girl who just realised she had the biggest, fattest crush on the cutest guy in school, and not being able to see him was arguably one of the most heart wrenching things you could possibly feel, even at this age.

he was kind, cute, not to mention lively and enthusiastic, and god, those eyes.

your scheduled rounds were about ten minutes away, so letting yourself fall back into the pillows and feathers and wedding bells in your head wasn’t so difficult. you’ve learnt to treat ten minutes like precious treasure despite being a full-fledged doctor for only five days. 

the gentle ripples of the piano playing from the stereo behind you loosens all the knots in your shoulders, and your head falls back into the seat with your eyes fluttered shut. 

eric son young jae...

ding

one of your eyes open upon the duty call from the office computer, and you notice the newest email coming from another staff member you don’t recognise. giving yourself a little shake, you sit back up and click on the newest email, the contents of it surprisingly not as important as you were predicting it to be.

from: lee sang yeon (asst. head of dept)

to: the neurology dept, the neuro-research dept

subject: the NRD quarterly party

dear all,

every three months in a year, the neurology department (NRD) has a strict tradition of throwing a party to celebrate and congratulate the hard work all the doctors in our department have put in. 

in these quarterly parties, we sing cheers to successful operations with high-risk, prestigious achievements and research findings, and new doctors after their 2-week-mentee period has ended. 

this year shall not be any different. 

despite the NRD’s unofficial events management team having some trouble finding a location to throw our party, we are pleased to share our gratitude to our new doctor, lee hyunjae, for offering his home for this grand celebration. 

the party will be held this friday (two days from now) at the following address attached to this email. 

do inform either me or doctor choi young joon if you are unable to be present.

thank you, and we see you there!

oh, for fucks’ sake.

of all places?

a soft sigh exhales through your nose and you minimise the window, gathering your pens and patient files to begin on your rounds. 

the hallway of the ward spaces come into view once you exit the lift, and you were just about to turn into one of the wards that had three patients in them. 

“good morning mrs kang.”

the voice halts you in your tracks, and you back up against the wall so nobody in the ward sees you.

“good morning doctor lee, how are you doing today? your rounds are never this early,” the frail lady, who was your patient, sounded so calm and relaxed; you could almost imagine the look on her face. 

you remember the first time you met her. mrs kang was previously doctor choi’s patient, so she first saw you when both you and lee hyunjae were trailing him. she was initially cold and reserved, even to doctor choi, but with the both of you, she looked at you like she was looking at her own children. 

“i decided to pop by my patients earlier today to chat with them, see if they understand why they’re really in the hospital,” you hear the clacking of the clipboard that was slotted into a holder at the end of the bed, and for a moment you wonder why he was even bothering himself with your patient. “sometimes older patients don’t really grasp the importance of their health and they just go along with the flow while their kids admit them to the hospital.”

a pause.

“how is mr yoon over there? he’s your patient, right?”

“mr yoon’s doing alright, but he’s definitely had better days,” the clipboard slides back into the slot at the edge of the bed, and you hear his footsteps shift around in the ward. “how are you doing? how’s doctor l/n treating you?”

“oh, she’s wonderful, sometimes i wonder why i couldn’t have two doctors because i’d definitely have the both of you to take care of me in my time here.”

that last line pulled on your heartstrings, and you know it was terribly unprofessional of you to even feel it, but your heart shattered upon her words. 

mrs kang was a amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) patient and she was only deemed as low-risk because doctor choi gave her another year to live; all you had to do was make sure her condition didn’t spiral.

yet, it was difficult to swallow that she was aware her time was limited, and there was nothing she could do about it. if lee hyunjae has read her patient records, then he would know why she said that. 

you hear a chair get lifted off the ground and it sets down barely a second later, a soft shuffling motivating you to angle your head into the ward, keeping most of your body outside.

the sight of him sitting by the hospital bed, by your patient, with absolutely no clue you were standing right outside, rippled gentle chills throughout your body. the view was so rare and unfamiliar, the disbelief that filled your chest was almost difficult to contain. 

“rest assured, we will stay with you for as long as you need. if doctor l/n or doctor choi isn’t around to attend to you, then i will, alright?” 

mr yoon coughs loudly, and lee hyunjae’s attention gets snatched away. 

“give me a moment, would you?”

the chair doesn’t make a sound as he carefully gets up and returns to his patient, and you grasp this chance to walk in to avoid creating an awkward situation. 

“good morning, mrs kang,” a polite smile automatically surfaces on your lips, and you pick up her records to tally with the one you had. “how are you feeling today?”

“i’ve had better days but definitely better than yesterday. how are you?”

“i’m going to a party on friday night, jealous?” 

she scoffs before bursting into soft laughter, the sound of her happiness when you teased her making your heart feel so warm and at ease. your eyes and hands start to wander around her iv drip and her medicine schedule located by the side of her bed, and you could feel her eyes follow your every move while she comes down from her high. 

“i met my husband when i went to the craziest party i had in my life,” the little story hugs your heart with warm arms while you click your pen and jot down some routinely checks. 

“maybe you’ll meet yours this friday,” her eyes were glistening with such wonder, you had to physically restrain yourself from souring your nose. 

“i pretty much already know everybody who’s going to the party this friday,” a pout on your face causes her to chuckle.

“staff party?”

“yeah.”

“maybe you’ll find out that someone you already know is the right one for you.”

“oh, god forbid that happens. i’m fine on my own and i always will be,” a scoff rumbles in the back of your mouth and you side-eye her as you finish up your checks.

“that’s what everybody says until they find the right one.”

you provide her with a small smile, swiftly double-checking all her needs. your pen was jotting down the last round of checks before her attention rides past you.

“goodbye, doctor lee!”

“bye, mrs kang. rest well, and i’ll see you tomorrow when i come to check on mr yoon.”

how was it that the grin on her face was given and caused by lucifer? watching him interact with her so carefully and kindly made you think you’ve just been fighting with a twin brother instead. 

there was absolutely no way that it was the same person. 

but you couldn’t deny the admiration for his professionalism and his dedication to his job. he didn’t need to care or have such a candid conversation with mrs kang, especially not when she wasn’t even his patient. 

not just that, he didn’t even say anything horrible about you. 

he could’ve, but he didn’t.

it made you feel slightly guilty, but where there was guilt, there was resent; there was a reminder that he spent half his life trying to mess with yours. his professionalism didn’t warrant any change in attitude from you.

friday comes by in a flash, and the sudden realisation that you were going to be stuck in hell the entire night, pretending like you weren’t, made you want to hurl your lunch. 

eric was going to be there, and you haven’t seen him in almost a week. you weren’t entirely sure why though; firstly, because you didn’t ask anybody why you weren’t needed at the research department -- there was no reason to. secondly, doctor kim looked like he was having fun dumping a lot of the tinier pieces of research required on him. so while you were making your rounds and being the doctor you were now, eric was probably suffocating from the mounts of research information doctor kim was allocating him.

you couldn’t remember the last time you decided wearing jeans and a one-sleeved top was a good idea, but you did it anyway. your face was caked with more makeup than you usually wore to the hospital, only because you were ready to let yourself go and really soak yourself in the idea of a party, not caring that everybody there was going to be a qualified neurologist or research officer. 

you had one goal tonight, and that was to win your aphrodite over. 

the house looked like a set from a horror movie; you know, the one where you walk in thinking everything would be perfect but everybody dies.

maybe it was just your hatred for the owner.

“HEY!” the door swings open when you knock on it, and the unusually loud music was literally making eric scream over the bass thumping throughout the walls of the house. “was just wondering when you’d get here!” 

your ankle boots give you an extra height boost, so eric was just slightly above eye level now. he takes the pack of beer from your hands and nods you into the house, a couple of other neurologists you recognise from regularly walking past them greeting you. 

“where’s doctor lee?” your voice was literally inaudible, but you could hear the strained vibrations in your throat as he places the pack of beer on the kitchen counter. 

“who? oh!” his eyes dart behind you and he tip-toes, craning his neck to look for the person you asked for. “i think he’s in the living room talking to someone!”

the first reaction to his response was to turn around and search for lucifer, wondering who in the right frame of mind would even want to entertain him. but you remember all the love letters he received throughout school, so it wasn’t a surprise when you see him chatting with a female doctor. 

his lips were moving, and he was nodding every other second, looking like she was pi telling the story of being stranded in the middle of the ocean. 

he suddenly looks up, and your eyes involuntarily lock for a moment. the non-physical contact drills shivers down your spine when you realise the last time you even looked at him was a week ago, when you saw him in the carpark before and after you tripped into eric’s arms. 

eric’s voice tears your attention away from lee hyunjae though, and you lean your torso over the kitchen island to watch him fill two cups with punch. 

“are you alright with punch?” his eyes look up at you through his lashes, pushing one cup across the table to you. “i normally don’t offer beer to girls.”

a chuckle pulls your lips apart, and the punch washes down your throat easily. “‘normally’, huh?”

he notices the mockery in your voice and he smiles, that gorgeous sight forcing butterflies into you. 

"doesn't it feel like it's been forever since we last met?" he gestures for your cup and you slide it back to him.

"it's been a whole week," you pause and walk around the kitchen island so that he wouldn't need to risk spilling the drink all over the surface if he wanted to slide it over again. "my duties officially started this week and doctor kim didn't need us over at the research department."

"ohhhhh, so that's why..."

"you sound disappointed," you rest one hand against the kitchen island, barely keeping an arm's length distance away from him.

"i was looking forward to hanging out with you more, and i considered going over to the neuro department to look for you but i was afraid i was going to be disruptive," he hands you the cup, and you lean one hip on the edge. the drink in the cup was swirling in circles while you watched him fill his own, and from the corner of your eye you catch lee hyunjae talking to another female doctor, this time right at the foot of the stairs near the entrance of the kitchen.

"actually--" he pulls the cup away from his lips just as he was about to take a sip. blinking at him as he whirls around the kitchen before returning with a napkin, pulling out a pen from a drawer that you didn't even know why it was there, he begins jotting down his... number?

"here's my number," the blue ink on the napkin was a little pathetic, but it was adequate for all the digits to show. 

you do a little imaginary punch of triumph into the air, your chest feeling a little weightless when he pushes it across the counter to you. "drop me a text and we'll hang out. even after my intern ends, we can totally get a drink together!"

blood and shyness rush up to your face, and you thank the house for having the worst lighting ever to hide your blush.

"my phone's dead and it's rude to ask for someone else's phone to save my number in."

"aw, you're such a sweetheart," the coo that comes off your tongue was packed with innuendo and you push yourself away from the table so you could shove it into your pocket. but the friction between your shoes when you make a misstep pushes you off your balance, you fall again, straight into eric's arms.

because of the slight change in height, eric now has his arm wrapped around your waist. his chest becomes your landing space for your palm, and your legs become softer when you look up through your mascara coated lashes at him.

"you really need to work on your balance."

the butterflies in your stomach intensify their movements when he pulls you up, and your arms were the only thing keeping the two of you apart.

"i do, don't i?" the blaring noise of the music gets cancelled out, and you catch the moment that eric hesitates before he leans forward into you. his chest starts to push your hands over his shoulders and the kiss becomes like a dream.

subconsciously, you start cancelling out the loud music, and for a moment you were grateful that everybody else was probably too occupied screaming at whoever it was they were talking to. 

neither of your lips move, making the kiss so soft and warm and fuzzy. 

it didn't last very long, but it was long enough for you to taste the bit of beer he probably had before you came.

eric slowly pulls away, his eyes immediately searching for yours to make sure you weren't in any way uncomfortable.

"oh," the realisation sinks in, and his hold around you loosens. "i'm sorry, i didn't--"

"no, no, it's fine," he releases you, and you suck your lips between your teeth, slightly desperate to taste the rest of him in your mouth.

"i'm... i'm gonna go catch up with the other... people," the effort to try to mask his embarrassment was so astoundingly adorable, you couldn't resist the large smile that broke out on your face. "i'll catch you later."

he gives you an awkward wave as he runs off, and you turn your body to look for the pack of beer you brought. your mind relentlessly throws you back to that kiss and you replay it a billion times in your head, the alcohol in the beer only making you fall more in love with something that was already over.

"hey, doctor l/n, right?"

the voice was unfamiliar, and you look up to see someone you've only seen in pictures in doctor choi's office.

"oh, yes, i am," hurriedly gulping down the beer in your mouth, you put the can down and pat your palm on your jeans. "i'm guessing you're... doctor lee sang yeon?"

he nods and offers to shake your hand, which you gladly take. there was a can of beer in his free hand as well, and it felt like he deliberately displayed it to you so you wouldn't feel too awkward.

"mhm, my apologies that i haven't been around to welcome you and... doctor lee hyunjae, was it?"

ew.

"oh, right, yeah."

"i was away the last two weeks because i was hired as a short term lecture in a local med-school."

“that’s so cool,” the beer can finds your lips again and you take a big gulp. 

you spend easily the next hour talking to sang yeon, who you found out was the hospital’s youngest assistant department head. 

not only that, he even praised your research work. apparently, doctor kim had already read both yours and lucifer’s research reports and both provided him with fascinating results. 

but what was even more gratifying was that lee sang yeon never said a word about lucifer’s report. drinking beer while listening to sang yeon talk about your report was like eating sugar or a tub of ice cream. 

most of the night was reserved for talking to lee sang yeon, looking out for eric and seeing his bright smile whenever he catches you looking at him. occasionally, doctor kim would come round the kitchen looking for more beer, but doctor choi was always around to stop him. 

the night slowly settles in, and you could tell it was getting late when some of your colleagues who you just met began to leave the house. 

you would’ve too, but eric was still here. 

worry and displeasure start to creep up on you like mike on halloween when you spot lucifer talking to eric, but judging by the smile spread across his face, lucifer wasn’t doing much besides making the little puppy happy. 

one of your colleagues was going off about one of her patients the previous year, so your attention felt so oddly torn. 

nonetheless, it was slightly sickening to know that though aphrodite was talking to ares, it was the wrong ares. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter VIII: Invidia

#hyunjae #the boyz fanfic #hyunjae fanfic #lee hyunjae #the boyz #the boyz hyunjae #timetohajima

[tokyoghoose]

am i more than you bargained for?

pairing: tetsuro kuroo x reader

playlist: heather - conan gray*, 4ever - clairo, line without a hook - ricky montgomery, melting - kali uchis, slow dancing in the dark - joji, using you - mars argo, she - ed sheeran, make you feel my love - adele, letter home - childish gambino, she's casual - the hunna, i love you so - the walters, notice me (acoustic) - role model, red dress - postcard boy

warnings: angst and lots of it, mentions of sex, mentions self-shaming of image, very breif mention of anxiety attacks

summary: a romantic comedy without the comedy between friends with benefits

announcements!

kuroo is definitely a little ooc in this lmao buuuut this is my first like fic fic in like two years. Im still trying to get back in the groove of things and finding how to write personality again and not be repetitive with my wording. Feedback is welcome!

requests are open! feel free to send them in! i will write for pretty much any anime ive seen and if i haven't seen it, ill watch it! the only reasons i wouldn't is if im uncomfortable or can't write the character. :)

——————

When did relationships become so difficult? The days of making friends on the playground were over and it seemed to hit everyone at the same age. Life was getting harder and people were getting older, and suddenly everything was difficult. Nothing came easy anymore and everyone had to adjust to that.

But now you were just confused.

Tetsuro kuroo stuck to you like glue since middle school. Where one of you went the other was likely to follow. The righthand man, the double trouble duo, and the bane of kenma's existence. And then things got complicated. Strangers to friends to best friends to lovers— friends with benefits. Who would've thought the boy that you played volleyball with on a whim would've become the man who you grew fond of. Sixth grade you would've kicked yourself for the feelings you're experiencing. Oh how you wished you were back in the park that started it all. You wished you could warn your youngerself what's to come.

The realization hit you like a ton of bricks and it made you want to throw up at the thought.

It started in the first year of highschool when you suddenly noticed the shine in his eyes when he talked passionately about something like volleyball or the way he would furrow his brows when concentrated on his assignments. At first it was endearing, really. But the more you hung around him, the stronger the butterflies felt. It was obvious that he had grown into his lanky body. His legs were proportionate to his torso now and his once scrawny arms didn't hang limply at his sides anymore. He had muscle and height now. Gradually you started to notice little things about him that you would never have seen in other people. Like his lopsidded smile that crinkled the corner of his eyes and brought heat to your cheeks, your stomach launching into your chest when he'd bump shoulders and laugh.

You should've just smacked yourself silly then and there when you started to wonder if he noticed little things about you. Does he think of me like i think of him?

Who knew feelings could be so...perplexing. You moved on, shrugging off the crush in your second year to catch bigger and better fish in the sea. Life moved on and you dated other people, simply remaining friends with kuroo. Little did you know one heartbreak would lead you into his bed, playing in the sheets by the end of the year.

He was just so damn compelling. His laughter and his jokes. You fell for it all over again. Deja vu. Stupid kuroo.

———

The third of highschool had been the breaking point. It was a constant cycle of feeling, fucking, and falling in and out of love with the raven haired boy. It was frustrating, especially when he was so damn oblivious. The only person that seemed to catch on was kenma, but he was very little help when it came to pushing away the domestic thoughts. It would never just work out because you wanted it to because tetsuro was dumb.

It's a chilly day out, the sun nice against your skin but the wind was drastic in comparison. Shivers are sent up and down your spine, you wrap your arms around yourself in a hug. Could this boy take any longer? Foot tapping against the pavement, you heave a sigh, nostils flaring impatiently before you spot the tall athlete. With a girl. A girl?

You'd seen her around before and you vaguely remember thinking she resembled the main love interest in a 90s movie or a bratz doll. She's pretty and has a light, airy laugh. Kuroo must've told her a joke of some kind, but he definitely wasn't funny enough for her to have her hands all over his chest. He's giving her a toothy grin and soft eyes. It makes you want to gag.

Who was she anyway?

Not that it mattered because in that moment the fit of rage your body suddenly flug itself into prevented you from hearing anything. Kuroo's pulling off his pullover and drapping it over the pretty girl's shoulders. You can feel your eye twitch and fibgers tingle. He looks bashful as he waves her goodbye and tragically, you don't feel nearly as pretty as you had been feeling. Now all you wanted to do was sink into the ground below you and possibly into another dimension—or at least the other side of the world.

"She's pretty," is the first thing that comes out of your mouth when he comes over, slouching with his hands in the pockets of his shorts. He had practice this afternoon, you remember. He looks over at you with raised brows, almost like he's surprised yoy said anything or even noticed he was talking to another girl before walking towards the gym with you trailing close behind.

"Yeah she is, I guess."

She's prettier than me.

"You guess? Kuroo, you gave her your sweater."

He shrugs sheepishly, a light pink dusting his cheeks and it makes you mad of uncharacteristic the act is. You resist the urge to roll your eyes.

"It's just polyester. It's not a big deal."

The conversation suddenly drops as you pause, apparently very hurt that he didn't remember it was you who gave him the sweater in the first place. He turns around, a questioning look on his face.

"What? Are you jealous?" He teases.

You're fuming at his attempt to be playful. Maybe you were overreacting, but it pangs your chest to know he can brush it off so easily.

" Kuroo, that was my sweater. "

It's gritted through your teeth, eyes slotted into a glare and his face drops. Oh is all he can think as he stares at you and the hurt expression that quickly turns into that of annoyance and anger. You push past him, ultimately deciding not to walk him to the gym. His arm reaches out to catch you, but it falls short as he calls out in a whine, "I'll get it back for you, okay? Come on, y/n!"

———

You can't focus on the assignments in front of you no matter how hard you try. You are exsausted. Just wanting to crawl under the covers and sleep for maybe a thousand years, you stop tapping your oen against the paper to hyperfocus on the black dots that now littered the page. The music in the background pauses before coming back to life with the hum of a new song shuffling in. It's quiet and yet, it's overwhelming. You wish you weren't home alone now.

Hanging your head low on your desk, the carpet becoming of interest, you groan. The image of kuroo and that girl replaying in your head over and over like an endless movie. You'd have to give it a bad review if it ever ended.

You're focus is mainly on her though. Kuroo could get any girl he wants with his witt and charm. Not to mention he wasn't jusf handsome, but he's beautiful. Model material—movie character love interest type beat. He has the ability to make any heart swoon if he tries hadd enough, and that girl was no exception. She was more than pretty. She was stunning, even. It was like watching human barbie and ken flirt with one another. She seems so nice too and you can vaguely remember her helping you wish a couple answers on homework one morning. She's better than you and better for him. Is he sleeping with her too? Before you can answer your own question the doorbell rings, quickly followed by a knock at your door.

You look down at your pajamas, debating if you should pull on your robe or not, but ultimately deciding against it when the knocks come again.

"Im coming, I'm coming. What do you wan- kuroo?"

When you open the door, you immediately get the urge to shut it right in his perfect little face, and you begin to before his hand slams against it in protest to push it open wider. He juts out his lip into a pout and his eyes soften into ones pleading like a puppy dog. You huff and avoid eye contact, instead taking intrest in the bad he was carrying.

"What's that?"

"Stuff. I'd be happy to show you if you let me in."

"Sorry, tetsuro, no can do. You haven't returned my sweater. "

He scoffs and rolls his eyes before shoving something bulky into your arms. You're not sure if you should be happy he actually got it back or upset that he had to see her again to get it. Finally looking up at him, you move to the side so he can step in.

"You know, you don't have to be jealous that i gave another girl a sweater. You're my number one, y/n." He's teasing, but his words still send the butterflies in your stomach crazy. You can only hope he means it, even if just a little.

"I'm not jealous. You can sleep with whoever you want, kuroo. We're just best friends—if anything im your wingman. "

You want to hit yourself on the head. Why would you say that?

He snickers at the rebuttle, coming to loom over you. Apparently the only thing that can get you out of your head is his cologne because it somehow invaded your senses. He smells expensive, like nice leather and fire wood during the winter. It's very manly, you note. His shadow hovers over yours as he traps you between him and the counter with a playful smirk on his face. How smug could he get. He leans down, bringing your chin up between his thumb and finger. You hadn't realized how close he was until now. Since when did you get so nervous around him? Why did it make you nervous when he kissed you all of a sudden? It's unfair that he holds the advantage. Heat rises to your cheeks and the tips of your ears and you're positive he can hear the beating of your heart, which was currently trying to break out of your chest.

His lips take you to paradise, as always. Their soft against your own, yet firm. They're slightly chapped and they taste like spearmint. It makes your head fuzzy because they feel so right, even when you wish they felt wrong. You want to pull away and kick him out, and end thjs whole arrangement, but you're already very familiar with the fact it's just beginning.

———

The bed is warm. So warm, in fact, it feels like your suffocating. The sheets tangle around your limbs, strangling you as you tangle your limbs around kuroos. You almost want to cry, and if you were anywhere else— with anyone else —you probably would have. The heat is unbearable and the one sided tension makes your stomach churn and your throat tighten up. You were almost positve an anxiety attack was coming on.

Taking a deep breath through your nose, you close your eyes as kuroo's nimble fingers soothe circles into your shoulder blade idly and yet somehow he manages to dodge the purple and red splotches blooming on the flesh. Suddenly you wish you didn't feel so safe and protected in his embrace. The moment almost tempts you to whisper sweet nothings into his ear, but you don't deserve to be the person who does that because you aren't his person. Best friend, maybe (next to Kenma, if anything) but, you aren't his person no matter how you long to be. You're just a friend in his bed having a good time. It isn't as fun anymore.

You swallow a lump in your throat, flattening your hand against his broad chest and willing yourself to lift up out of his grasp, his fingers falling smoothly to stop between your shoulder blades. Looking down at him, he presents you with the soft, goofy look on his face that he always adorns. God, there's nothing you wouldn't give to wake up beside him every morning and kiss that lopsided grin off his face. It hurts to think about, and another wave of tears try to force their way past your lash line. You blink them away and put on a soft, one-sided smile for the man below you, giving him a quick peck where his jaw and neck meet before shrugging his hands off and climbing out of bed.

His eyes track you, lazily hooded and watching, as you take the sheet with you to cover yourself, grabbing your shorts and whatever top you were wearing but a few hours ago before everything was strewn about. You shy away from his gaze, but it's nothing he hasn't seen before. He shifts in the bed to face your back, elbow propped up to lay his head in his hand. With an uncharacteristically soft tone, you almosf don't head him when he speaks. The words that come from him are like honey, yet raw. It's enough to make anyones knees buckle and crawl back into bed.

"Are you okay?"

There's a slight hint of concern there, just hardlg scrapping the surface of the question. You nod with a hum, throwing on the loose shirt before facing him. Kuroo's brow raises like he doesn't quite believe you, but he doesn't take the question further and instead turns to get out of bed. You gnaw at your lip, taking your turn to watch him stretch out. His back has red streaks messily placed down it from his shoulders to the base, his biceps matching. His hair is messy and not like the normal bed head he sports, parts of it are spiked up from fingers constantly pushing through it, while other parts are laid flat from sweat. You can't help the thought that he's sculpted by the gods. They definitely took their time on him. Scoffing at yourself and shaking the thoughts free from your head, you head to the bathroom. As if the bed wasn't suffocating enough, just being the same room was found to be worse when he looks like that. At this point, it was preferred he stayed under the covers.

You feel stupid while looking in the mirror. Your mascara from earlier had smudged beneath your waterline, clumping together in the corner. Your nose curls at the sight, hands splashing cool water at your face, rubbing at your eyes. With a sigh you lean your elbows on the sink, pushing back hair and looking down at the water going into the drain.

This is ridiculous.

How on earth could you do this to yourself and to kuroo?

There's a knock on the bathroom door, it's light and gentle in the typical kuroo fashion because he doesn't want to spook you. You purse your lips, digging the palms of your hands into your eyes and heaving a sigh. As soon as you open the door and switch places, you're up and out of his apartment without saying goodbye.

The cool air of outside hits your face and you hadn't noticed the tears until the damp chill shook you. Brushing them away, you head home. You didn't want to be around him and you certainly didn't want to think about him. On the way back, you finally decided you weren't going to tell him anything. What would dumb tetsuro know about it anyway.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! imagine #haikyuu!! #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu fanfic #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu!! fanfiction #haikyuu!! fanfic #reader insert #x reader fanfiction #haikyuu!! x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #kuroo headcanons #kuroo x reader #kuroo fanfic #kuroo fanfiction #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo tetsuro imagine #kuroo tetsuro headcanons #kuroo imagine #kuroo tetsuro fanfic #kuroo tetsuro fanfiction #tetsuro kuroo x reader #tetsuro kuroo imagine #tetsuro kuroo fanfic #tetsuro kuroo fanfiction #tetsuro kuroo headcanons #haikyuu scenarios #mickie writes

[wincore]

AGREEEE, WORKING OVER THE WEEKEND IS THE WORST esp since im in uni full time and i work 9-5 on the weekends which means... no breaks for me ever.. 🥲

MASSIVE CRUSH ON OIKAWA OMGGG I SUPPORT THIS!!!!! but i am unfortunately much older than 15 and still enamored by 2d men 😔 life’s rough like that HDJWKDJ YES ATSUMU CAUSES PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE.. HES THE WORST!! btw.. ive heard that the oikawa to atsumu stan pipeline is very real... so if u get to s4.. u may develop atsumu brain rot like me 👁_👁

OOO alright run on, extracurricular, vincenzo, true beauty, love alarm, & perfect crime. NOTED!! ive actually been meaning to watch extracurricular for a while now, it looks so interesting!! now that it has the wincore seal of approval i must watch 😤 OMGG SAKURADA DORI I SAW HIM IN ALICE IN BORDERLAND!! super good show but really gore heavy at some points 👁

ahh ok thank u for the reccs, ive been thinking about starting demon slayer too!! shoplifters sounds really interesting :oo crime??? i havent watched a full movie in a while so i will def check it out!! THESE R ALL GOING IN MY NOTES APP.

NEXT YEARRR omg it sounds far away but i know time passes so quickly nowadays so I WILL WISH U LUCK ONCE AGAIN 💛 i hope u update us when the time comes!!

UGHWHHD EVEN THIS SYNOPSIS IS MAKING ME MISS UR WRITING?!? I LOVE THE WAY U WORD IT... “given a choice to pretend, you find that jaehyun is the lesser of the two burdens to bear” AHHHHHHH omg “he’s in a relationship and doesn’t rlly care about the soulmate system” THIS IS ALWAYS SUCH A PAINFUL SCENARIO IN SOULMATE AUS PLSS!!! Wait is the soulmate of yn gonna be an oc/vague character or another member :O EITHER WAY... PAIN! THIS IS GETTING ME SO EXCITED AND U HAVENT EVEN MENTIONED ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT JAEHYUN’S LIKE IN THIS FIC YET

RUNWAY CHARACTER CAMEOOOS YESS I LOVE RUNWAY YN!!!! i actually reread it last night and ugh i was reminded how much i love yns personality... just the process of experiencing all tht self doubt with them!!! so real & makes u root for them :’)

“if jeno plays edward i need him to that apple scene like taemin did” WHHHHHWJDJJWJDBW THIS MADE ME CHOKE ON THE WATER I WAS DRINKING LMFAO

GODDDD THESE TROPE/MEMBER PAIRINGS, HARD AGREE HARD AGREE!!! HAECHAN AND RENJUN ARE E2L 100%!!!! i think bc the ppl in the bff2l category cant convincingly hate yn back LOL

“gets complimented on his lyricism often but like every song’s about you” STOPPPPP HES SO PERFDCT FOR THIS TROPE!!!!!

OMG I SEE EXACTLY WHAT U MEAN ABT SICHENG IN ROYALTY/CHAEBOL AUS... i think like u said it’s because of his poise & the way ppl are generally in awe of him but also bc of his reluctance to open up!! more reserved until he trusts u... funny and kind but sometimes perceived as aloof... those r some prince tendencies! “what are corporate businesses but modern day kingdoms” LMFAOOWJDJ SERIOUSLY THO

“mans really said i will not give you any onscreen idol personality to work with” HDJWJDJWJSJ LITERALLYYYY this is why i have trouble reading jaehyun fics sometimes bc sometimes they can feel “inaccurate” but its mostly just bc there’s no Standard Personality Stereotype to go off of. but a random & uncommon trope i think he’d pair well with is exes to lovers!! Yes im basically just a jaehyun + angst advocate.

“i think most of them would pair well with bff2l??” FACTTTTTTT and no im not just saying this bc its one of my favorite tropes.. heh... i think i told u this before?? but ur like the main reason i started enjoying e2l!!! i didnt like it before bc i love the PINING in bff2l but then i started reading ur works n was like OH SHIT! THERES LOADS OF PINING HERE TOO...

i think yangyang is not bff2l or e2l, he is in his own category which is Annoyer2Lover HDJWKDJ ex: troublemaker, wasted nights

OMGGGG I DID NOT EXPECT ROYALTY AU TO HAVE SUCH A LARGE LEAD IN THE SURVEY??? and cryptids is so low 😔😔 cmon guys, vampires r fun!!!

WE R LITERALLY WRITING ESSAYS TO EACH OTHER RN BUT I LOVE IT 🥺🥺 its a such a nice break to read ur response when im burnt out from studying!!

OMG IM GOING THROUGH #moonwrites AND IM LITERALLY AN IDIOTTTT IVE BEEN OFF TUMBLR FOR SO LONG I DIDNT REALIZE THAT ROMEO ROULETTE HAD A PREVIEW OUT????

“And I get what out of this?” “Me?” IM IN LOVE WITH THIS CHARACTERS PERSONALITY ALREADY LMFAOO

“—and when this whole game you’re playing is over, you’re going to say I rejected you.” ?!?!???? THE WAY JAEHYUN IS A LITTLE SHIT! THEIR PERSONALITIES ARE BOTH SO FUN PLSJWJDJEJ IM MORE EXCITED NOW!!

pls disregard the part in my last ask where i asked abt romeo roulette.... i had no idea all of the information i needed was sitting right in front of me 😔😔

- tata

WHAT 9 TO 5 ON EVERY WEEKEND???? the system has failed you this honestly feels like a villain origin story 😭 when does it get better???

ALSO let me answer the other asks separately for better readability lol we really out here writing essays GOOD THING i have practice writing but like. this is infinitely better to write 🥰

PLSSS SOMETIMES I WILL SEE AN EDIT/TIKTOK OF OIKAWA AND BE LIKE DAMN I REALLY NEED TO CATCH UP I MISS THIS MF also are you daring me to ruin my life for 2d men bc i will do it without hesitation. wait till i watch hq again and get that atsumu brainrot with you he seems annoying enough for me to like ^_^

AND YES PLS I WAS SO ABSORBED IN IT!! extracurricular was the most gripping show i’ve watched in a while like yes enough teen romance give me two unhinged teenagers doing crime 🤩 AND OMG??? THAT’S WHERE WE SAW HIM TOO and although niragi was literally vomit-inducing human trash, sakurada dori is like. a good actor. except i hated coffee&vanilla which starred him it was literally so cringe i couldn’t 😭 i blame the writers for that though. IM EXCITED FOR S2 OF ALICE IN BORDERLAND THO i really like horror (and i can tolerate gore if ive been desensitized enough) and like i read the manga too!!! the games were really interesting (although morbid).

😭😭 MY NOTES APP IS FULL OF RECS FROM FRIENDS ALL OF THEM HATE ME FOR NOT WATCHING THE SHOWS BUT LIKE. i binge 3 or 4 at a time and strike them off and then go 6 months without watching a single tv series hhh.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I SURE WILL UPDATE !!! it’s so exciting to think about grad school sometimes :33

AHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT AND THE PREVIEW TOO SGSDJKDS there’s a few differences in the actual fic i think bc i changed up the language (and i dont remember what else bc i refuse to look at my writing) JAEHYUN RLLY IS A LITTLE SHIT he’ll be like hm yeah im pretty chill :) and then proceed to beat yn at her own game at times. (she wins mostly dw) the fact that i made her soulmate cha eunwoo like girl if i were you i’d crash their relationship 🥱 (jk) but like. jaehyun too is 🤩 despite being dry af

ASDKDSKDS YOU REREAD ALL (ALMOST) 19K WORDS ??? IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE THAT FIC SM AAAAHHH IM FEELING LIKE AN ACTUAL AUTHOR 🥰 i loved runway yn too they were like boss attitude with 20% anxiety.

LOOK JENO BETTER BE PULLING MOVES LIKE THAT TO IMPRESS THE GIRLS 😤 if he hits himself in the forehead with the apple, bonus points bc that was true comedy (as invented by taemin)

AND YES. LIKE I KNOW MARK HATED DONGHYUCK SO MUCH HE WANTED TO LEAVE SM BUT LIKE HE’S TOO NICE WITH EVERYONE ELSE 😭😭😭 i cannot picture him pissed off apart from that summer fight </3

thinking about dejun getting rejected by a girl he wrote a song for. rip brother.

IM GLAD YOU PUT THAT INTO WORDS BC THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS!!! he’s got all of these regal qualities but he’s still human ykyk so it makes for the most amiable person on earth 😌 i love this characterization of him!!

oof exes to lovers with jaehyun... i had a similar idea a while ago (with theme song sincerity is scary by the 1975) that i discarded bc i don’t think i’m cut out to write that 😭 (YET) so i will keep this is mind. u r so right about jaehyun feeling inaccurate bc it’s like he’s very mild in personality onscreen sometimes?? so him having strong personality traits makes me go 🤔🤔 that man is overreacting. (jkjk but like you get the idea)

WAIT RLLY OMG BC OF ME???? i would never enjoy e2l irl bc irl dudes are 🤢🤢 and if they annoy me i will end them. but in fiction the mutual pining and initial disgust at yourself for liking the other??? helllooo 🤩🤩🤩 especially if it’s in a romcom style <3 bff2l is also better in fiction bc if the relationship doesnt work out irl and the person become uncomfortable with me i will just get annoyed jskshdl

LMAO YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT YANGYANG HE’S JUST THAT™ DUDE skgkhs he feels like someone fun to hang out with but he would annoy you the whole time. also he is cute 🥰

AND EXACTLY!!!! IM HAPPY FOR ROYALTY AUS BUT CMON. LOOK AT THOSE VAMPIRE TEETH. feel like media ruined vampires for people 😔 

THIS IS SUCH A NICE BREAK FROM STUDYING HONESTLY!!!! im like working on two semi-large projects AND studying course and out-of-course material simultaneously so my brain is a little fried. thank u for this 😘

#tata 💖 #anon #answered

[the-good-noodle-kf]

Redacted (First) Impressions

My Saiou Winter Exchange Gift for @evil-muffins

Prompt: Pre-game fic, angsty w/ a side of fluff

Hope you like c: 

I.

Life has no meaning.

-

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 “My name is ******* ***. My audition number is three-hundred fifty-one.”

“I’m… always looked down on and.. I probably deserve it. So, I thought, fuck my memories huh? It’s not like I care about anyone. Just… I don’t want to be weak anymore. I want to be rewritten as someone less weak. Maybe I could be someone to look up to, like a leader. But, it doesn’t matter what I am; I’m desperate, and isn’t that what you want from people? People so desperate that they’ll willingly offer their lives away to become part of a killing game?”

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 -

Every day is a string of bland pointless blurs that bleed into the next like watercolor paint. 

So, why not make life as interesting as possible?

-

Kokichi Oma stares blankly. He presses down on the lit power button of his computer monitor, effectively shutting it off. It’s done. That’s it. The chance that they’ll consider him is low, but maybe they - Team Danganronpa - will find value in him that no one else has. He barely got a submission number. It took hours of staying awake, eyes peeled, staring at the stinging blue light of the screen until he requested an audition as fast as he possibly could. Even still, he ended up with number three-hundred fifty-one. He wonders how someone could possibly get the first audition. 

Applying for Danganronpa has become much more… commonplace, ever since they began using simulation technology. As strange as it may seem, not everyone is exactly willing to stake their lives on a show, but for some, their memories are a small price to pay for becoming a part of the show. Though it might also have something to do with the prize money, Oma doesn’t care much about that. He’s omniscient enough to know that he definitely doesn’t have a very high self-worth… or self-preservation for that matter, but it’s not like he can change that just from being aware of it.

II.

School is boring.

Each additional day of school he's feeling more tired and drained, regardless of how much he falls asleep in class. What is the point of working if he has nothing to work towards? 

III.

Shuichi Saihara.

It’s the name of his new coworker… the one he’s supposed to be training. Oma’s worked at the place for not even a year, yet his boss says he’s qualified to teach the boy that was hired just a few days ago. 

“Thank you for shopping! Have a great day!” He repeats his response, with his cyclic forced smile bridging his cheeks. It’s almost robotic, in how habitual and automatic it’s become after saying it to every single customer once they’ve paid. He looks to Saihara once the little bell on the door rings, signaling the exit of the customer, and he’s back to his normal expression. It’s not a frown, but it’s definitely not a smile either. “And that’s it. Did you want to try?” he offers, not really sure himself.

Saihara’s staring at him closely, like he doesn’t know what to make of him, but yet he still startles at the response. His brows furrow together but he does nod, so Oma moves aside and lets Saihara stand in front of the register instead. Saihara mumbles as he looks down at the keys, “I wonder why...”

Oma tilts his head at the unfinished sentence as he assesses Saihara. He’s taller than him, and he seems nervous. Oma can also see that he’s good looking, but he probably isn’t a very popular or outgoing person, judging by his mannerisms. 

IV.

Working is… habitual for Oma. It’s not that he particularly hates it, and he does make money, but he only does it because he knows that he’d otherwise be doing legitimately nothing, and doing something at least makes him feel a little better about himself. Regardless of how much he dreads being a functional human being in general, he has to - he has to because he’s terrified of what will happen if he stops. 

V.

“Ah, Oma-kun,”

Oma looks over with curiosity at the other as he restocks shelves. It’s only the two of them right now. There haven’t been many customers because of the cold, dreary weather. It’s also a Monday, so people are too busy working or at afterschool activities to have any need to stop at the relatively small convenience store. 

“Your cheek…” Saihara trails off, scratching his wrist, and Oma reflexively lifts his hand and brushes his fingers over the scrape, reminding him of it with a slight sting.

He lifts up the corners of his cheeks, walls raising, “hmmmm?” 

“W-wait, I have-” Saihara cuts himself off as he runs off into the employee’s only door. It’s a little room with a few tiny lockers that Oma throws his school bag in on the days he comes straight from school. Saihara comes back with a bag of his own and huh- Oma didn’t expect Saihara to have so many Danganronpa pins, or any really; there’s a little Monokuma keychain hanging from one of the zippers too. He raises his eyebrows and even smiles a little bit at the thought of someone else liking what he likes, but it’s smothered by the fear of being known, of showing who he really is, and Saihara is oblivious to all this as he tugs a band-aid out of the front pocket and hands it to Oma. 

It’s like his mind fizzles like a burnt-out lightbulb for a second when Saihara, instead of just handing him the band-aid like a normal person, envelops Oma’s hand with his own and deposits the band-aid with the other. Oma’s sure that’s not normally how people give other people band-aids, or anything, but the feeling of Saihara’s shockingly warm hand is gone as quick as it arrived when he releases him and smiles. Oma’s even more embarrassed because he actually briefly considered if Saihara was a warm or cold hands person, which isn’t normal, because who does that? Who thinks about their co-worker’s hand temperature - who he doesn’t really know, but seems really nice, if handing him a band-aid could be considered a point of reference. 

Oma’s not even sure what tangent his mind is going off on this time, so he looks down in his hand at the band-aid and sees that - huh, it’s got Kyoko Kirigiri on it. He must’ve mumbled her name aloud because Saihara gasps and has an expression that almost reminds Oma of a dog wagging its tail. “You watch Danganronpa?” Saihara grabs his hands again, and Oma knows he can’t blame his blush on anything else but Saihara if questioned. 

He squeaks out an “mhm,” and tries to look back at the band-aid that’s now fallen on the floor after Saihara grabbed his hands, and he ends up just looking at their hands. Why is he so focused on Saihara holding his hands? 

Saihara lets go and runs to put his bag away again, at least, that’s what Oma assumes. It gives him a moment to pick the band-aid up off the floor and come to realize why, in fact, Saihara handed him the band-aid in the first place. ...Does he… expect me to put this band-aid on my face? 

...But, it would be rude not to. So he opens the band-aid and sticks it on his face, approximating where he puts the cottony part over the place on his face that’s stinging the most when he brushes his finger over it. It wasn’t even bleeding, but Saihara practically beams when he comes back, and the rest of his shift goes by like a fog. He’s not really able to focus on anything after experiencing that - he was completely unprepared. 

VI.

Oma isn’t sure why he keeps thinking about Saihara. He’s ashamed of himself. Why does he keep going back to the feeling of Saihara’s hands on his? It was completely… platonic? Except Oma doesn’t think that word works either, because there’s no way him and Saihara are friends, even if they’ve spent a total of fifteen hours together total since he met Saihara three days ago; he’s known him three days, and already, he has some dumb, crush, or something. He doesn’t know what to do with it, and having not had any physical contact that wasn’t bodily damaging with someone in as many years as he can remember, isn’t helping him. He groans aloud as he face-plants into the open textbook on his mattress. He wouldn’t call it a bed, since it has no sheets and sits on the floor instead of being sandwiched between a bed frame. 

He peers over to the side of his resting place where his little trash can is and of course, there’s the band-aid that he peeled from his cheek immediately after getting back from work last night - not home, he’s never “home” when he’s here - and of course everything he looks at is reminding him of the boy. 

He’s not supposed to do this - to want to be held; he’s not a damn child. He definitely can’t count the number of times he’s thought about Saihara hugging him on one hand. He’s not supposed to do this. 

For one of many times, he wonders why he’s like this. Why is he like this?

VII.

Oma’s something of a… target, at school. He fits the parameters perfectly; he’s small, short, effeminate, generally weak, quiet. It’s nothing dramatic like being beaten up within the school, luckily. It’s the little things, like being tripped in the hallways by an upperclassmen’s ‘conveniently’ outstretched foot and then snickered at, having a book of his be hung high above his head, out of his reach, by another student until he repeated whatever idiotic thing they wanted him to say, the occasional mockery, his belongings getting stolen when he’s not looking, being chosen as the designated monkey in the middle as his belongings are tossed between two guys that think they’re the absolute pinnacle of comedy, and various other meaningless things he deals with.

School is something he can handle, though. 

VIII.

“Oma-kun.” Saihara ducks his head as he pushes his phone into Oma’s hands. It’s open on the contacts screen, and Oma stares at it for a second, the unfilled contact info, before realizing it’s Saihara’s roundabout way of asking him for his number. He smiles a little and Saihara’s eyes widen, his expression becoming pretty serious as he takes in Oma’s grin. 

Oma doesn’t realize he’s smiling until Saihara points it out, “You’re smiling.” 

Even though he’s a little self-conscious now it’s been acknowledged, he still nods, and smiles even wider; he hands the phone back to Saihara, his number in place.

IX.

He wishes he could handle being home as well as he can handle school.

X.

Saihara texts Oma a lot. 

He’s constantly sending messages about anything and everything, especially Danganronpa. As Oma reads through he wonders if Saihara just texts him every time he thinks something. It doesn’t bother him though; every time he gets a new message he smiles in a way that he would deny if he were face to face with Saihara. 

It’s a little weird, but hearing Saihara’s thoughts and theories and opinions is so interesting. Oma really hopes Saihara doesn’t get discouraged by his own lack of response. He doesn’t ignore him, but his replies are far and few between - things like little smile emotes and one-word responses. He doesn’t exactly know how to reply otherwise.

He can’t help but feel hesitant. Talking about his own opinions makes him feel self-centered and narcissistic, and he wants to be anything but that. What if Saihara thinks that he turns everything around to make it about himself? Saihara probably doesn’t want to hear what he has to say anyway… Oma’s come to accept the fact that people don’t want to hear what he has to say, so he stays quiet. 

That doesn’t stop him from reading all of Saihara’s messages over again and grinning secretively under his blanket.

XI.

Saihara invites him over the next day. It’s Sunday, and neither of them is scheduled at work, so Oma accepts. 

Getting ready is nerve-wracking for Oma, because he can’t remember the last time he had a friend to hang out with. It’s such a “normal people” thing to do - leisurely spend the day with friends. It’s a thing that feels so out of the ordinary to someone like Oma. He puts on a long sleeve shirt but then changes out of it after his nervousness makes his body temperature rise, and the sleeves feel a little too tight and warm. He puts it on again because of how bare his arms feel in a T-shirt and maneuvers around the floor and out the door before he can change his mind or before his aunt notices his presence. 

The first impression Oma has of Saihara’s living space is that it’s quiet. It’s also pretty neat and ordinary, and Saihara makes no mention of any parents or relatives which leaves Oma feeling a little curious. 

The day is surreal. He and Saihara talk and watch some of the earlier seasons of Danganronpa while eating some artificial tasting junk food, and it’s fun. It’s so fun. He’s shocked about how natural it feels, spending time with the other boy. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt so content, ever had a true, genuine smile on his face for so long - ever had someone else have such a genuine smile on their face in return. 

Saihara asks him things and he answers them, because if he’s asked, then he can talk about himself. Oma’s glad that Saihara wants to know about him just as much as he wants to learn about Saihara.

He wants it to last, and there’s a twisting feeling in his chest because he’s already convinced that it won’t.

-

When Oma gets back, it’s late enough that he has to sneak in through his window - the apartment is on the ground floor, and the screen already has holes torn into it that make it easy to reach in and remove before placing it back and latching it in. The brass latch reminds him of the color of Shuichi’s eyes as he locks it - Oma’s not sure when Saihara became Shuichi - and he’s so caught up in Shuichi, and talking to Shuichi, that he jumps when a door slams, shaking all thoughts of his day out of his mind. 

XII.

Oma doesn’t know what to do. The day after visiting Saihara had been one of the worse ones recently, and Shuichi catches onto it through his messages somehow and asks him if he’s okay of all things.

And Oma replies, “why?”

Oma doesn’t know what to do when Shuichi Saihara sends him the five-word message, “because I care about you…”

No one cares about him. That’s just how things are. There’s no way Saihara actually cares about him. Why would he? 

XIII.

If Shuichi cares about him, then why couldn’t his parents? 

XIV.

He’s not exactly sure when he and Shuichi became friends, but he supposes it happened somewhere between Shuichi making it known that he was generally concerned for Oma’s well being, (that’s never happened to him before; have someone be concerned? About him? The ridiculous idea rolls around in Oma’s head like an optimistic interposition), Oma realizing that on his days off, he’d long for Shuichi’s presence, and their countless messages to each other that make the longing a little more bearable. 

It’s new to Oma. He’s never… craved the company of another. It makes him feel pathetic, but also… kind of lonely. 

It makes the moments when he’s around Shuichi all the better. 

XV.

He becomes Kokichi to Shuichi. Being addressed by his given name, despite giving Shuichi his explicit permission, makes Kokichi feel giddy.

XVI.

School isn’t so bad… especially on the days that Shuichi takes the train over so they can walk home together.

Side by side.

 Hand in hand.

 XVII.

He wants to kiss Shuichi.

XVIII.

Kokichi’s room is a less depressing place when he has Shuichi to sneak in. The two of them waste time by watching movies on Kokichi’s computer or playing board games that Shuichi carried in. 

XIX.

Shuichi speaks up from behind the register when the store is devoid of customers. “I noticed…” he starts, scratching at his wrist, and Kokichi looks up to make eye contact “at first, you always had this smile on, but it was just pretend…”

Kokichi doesn’t have time to react before Shuichi’s continuing his train of thought.

“But when I asked for your phone number, you had a different smile for the first time. It made me really happy to see that I made you smile for real…” Shuichi fumbles with his hands, but Kokichi doubts that Shuichi’s more embarrassed than he is after hearing something so… sentimental. 

XX.

Shuichi’s favorite thing about Kokichi may be seeing him smile, but Kokichi’s favorite thing about Shuichi is feeling his warm arms enveloping him when they hug.

Kokichi’s feelings have escalated so much that he’s drowning in them, and he doesn’t ever want to come up for air. 

XXI.

Oma’s long sleeves usually hide the finger-sized bruises on his arms, but he can’t hide the ones around his neck.

Shuichi goes on high alert as he shuts the door behind them. It is the first time he’s seeing where Kokichi lives - besides when he snuck into Kokichi’s window with snacks to watch a movie on his computer - but it isn’t the time to take notice of the dilapidated state of the furniture and wallpaper. All he can focus on is the alarming marks on Kokichi’s neck that look like someone shoved him up against a wall and didn’t let him breathe for who knows how long. “What happened?" Concerned, he reaches a hand out to gesture and Oma flinches. 

Oma wants to tell him, “I forgot to lock the door, so my aunt got mad,” because, she didn’t want him to begin with, it’s not her fault she got stuck with him after his parents left. He wasn’t wanted. At least he had somewhere to sleep, his aunt would tell him, and Oma thought she was right. 

But he can’t tell him that, because that would mean seeing the look in Shuichi’s eyes as he realizes Kokichi is a burden to him too.

“It’s nothing,” he deflects.

It’s silent as Saihara mumbles, but in a way that’s loud enough to hear, “I knew something was off when we first met. When you got so guarded about how you got that scrape on your cheek. I thought maybe someone was bullying you at school, but after we started walking together, I knew that wasn’t the case.”

Oma shrinks back, but Saihara keeps going.

“I didn’t push it at the time, because it was none of my business, but… was it… your guardian?”

He says “guardian” because Oma hasn’t spoken a word to him about his aunt. But the silence is Shuichi’s answer.

“Kokichi, you have to tell someone- you can’t just let them-” let them what? Give him what he deserves? He’s a problem child. A burden. A -

“I can’t.” Saihara doesn’t understand. Oma doesn’t even have it that bad. It could be so much worse, and he can stick it out for a few more years, can’t he? 

A failure. “It won’t get better if you don’t report this!”

Oma avoids his eyes. “Shut up.”

A mistake. “I’m trying to help,” he says pleadingly, desperately.

“Maybe I don’t want your help! I’m not some problem that you have to solve Saihara!”

Saihara’s lips thin and when Oma expects him to retaliate he just - leaves. He turns around and runs off, shutting the door behind him.

It’s only after he’s gone and Oma is standing in the middle of the quiet, empty room that Oma is encompassed in the feeling of absolute dread. 

XXII.

Saihara doesn’t show up for work the next day. Oma feels guilt gnawing at him during his shift, because it’s all his fault. He shouldn’t have pushed Saihara away. He texts him “sorry” and “can we talk?” through budding tears and hopes Saihara can forgive him. 

XXIII.

He hasn’t texted him back anything in the past forty-eight hours, so Oma sighs and lets his feelings pour out in a long message when Saihara doesn’t answer his call. He tells him that he’s sorry, and that he doesn’t want Saihara to hate him.

XXIV.

The water cup he filled the night before has an almost stale taste to it in the morning, but Oma drinks it anyway because his throat is dry, and he can’t summon the energy to get up even though he’s been sleeping for the past thirteen hours. He’s still tired once he sets the cup down so he scrolls mindlessly through his past messages to and from Saihara before staring at Saihara’s last message to him, before their fight. He hasn’t said anything since.

He doesn’t go to school; he’s already sleeping again by the time it starts and he’s too preoccupied to care.

XXV.

With no reply, Oma gets worried really quickly. It’s unlike Saihara to completely… cut him off. He at least figured Saihara would reject his apology upfront instead of hiding away and giving him the silent treatment. 

His chest makes that twisting feeling again and he feels unbearably nauseous when he goes to Saihara’s apartment and no one opens the door. There’s not even the telltale sound of footsteps towards the door to signal someone checking who’s there. 

It’s like no one’s home.

-

He sits curled up in his blankets and practically spams Saihara with messages of “please answer me” and “tell me that you’re okay” but Saihara answers none of them. He’s sweating, and heaving, and he doesn’t care if Saihara hates him, he only wants him to say something. Oma needs a reply so he doesn’t keep panicking like he is now, thinking something happened to Saihara; he feels sick, and he can’t stop thinking about it. 

XXVI.

Oma tries to rationalize. Saihara doesn’t have any family, and after Oma shut him out, maybe he simply… left. Just because he disappeared doesn’t mean something bad happened.

But, Oma thinks, what if something bad did happen. What if Saihara was abducted - or - or - killed? The thought of Saihara being dead makes Oma so uncomfortable; his throat feels like it’s closing up and it’s hard to swallow his own saliva. He’s growing more and more anxious each day he shows up to work and Saihara isn’t there beside him, despite being scheduled. 

XXVII.

The metal of the buttons and zipper on his clothes feel especially cold against his skin as he gets ready for school. He probably looks terrible, but he can’t find it in himself to worry about that. 

He has more important things to worry about.

 Saihara is more important.

XXVIII.

Oma remembers sending in his Danganronpa application and thinks, this would be the perfect time to forget everything I’ve ever cared about, but then, what if Saihara comes back?

He wants Saihara to come back.

He wants to say sorry for shutting him out when he shouldn’t have.

He wants to have more long conversations about whatever comes to mind. 

He wants to see Saihara smile at him again.

He wants to sit next to Saihara and watch movies for hours on end. 

He wants to feel Saihara’s hands on his like that day when Saihara gave him that stupid Kirigiri band-aid. 

 He wants Saihara to forgive him.

XXIX.

His aunt makes him feel worthless.

XXX.

He should’ve kissed him when he had the chance.

XXXI.

Oma lies in his unmade bed, staring up at the ceiling, phone in hand. 

It’s been over a week. 

 Why hasn’t Saihara replied to him? How can he fix this? Did Saihara forget about him like everyone else has?

 His eye sockets are weighed down by a combination of depression and sleep deprivation.

His phone speaker blares through the silence - his alarm - his mind supplies through the ever-unchanging headache. He turns it off, already awake, and forces himself out of the temporary comfort of his blanket’s embrace, and gets dressed for work. Because he has to. Because he doesn’t know what else he’ll do if he doesn’t.

Because he hopes Saihara will show up. 

(He doesn’t.)

 On his walk home from work, he’s approached and pulled into a car, hearing the engine and looking out at the silent street as he falls into panicked unconsciousness. The initiation for the fifty-third killing game commences.

-

Ouma hesitates as he comes to the memories section of the contract. Even after everything, the participants won’t get their memories back... he won’t remember ever meeting Saihara; he won’t remember falling in love. He’ll know of nothing but whatever backstory Team Danganronpa cooks up for him.

But...

Saihara’s gone. As hard as it is to think about, Ouma doesn’t think Saihara will be waiting for him once the simulation ends. No one cares about him anyways, so he might as well make things interesting, right?

 ...right?

Ouma’s nose is tingly; his lower eyelids are about to spill over as he signs the contract, signing his past and present away. 

 Two doors down, Shuichi Saihara does the same.

 I.

Life has no meaning.

I also posted this on my Ao3 Account (More A/N there)

#SaiOu Winter Exchange #fanfic #oumasai #omasai #kokichi ouma #shuichi saihara #kokichi oma #ouma kokichi #oma kokichi #saihara shuichi #kokichi x shuichi #shuichi x kokichi #saiouma #saioma #angst #pregame #pregame ouma #pregame saihara #pregame saiouma #danganronpa v3 #hurt/comfort #tw implied/referenced abuse #fluff #gift #saiouwe2019

[lanasaved]

sssslithers onto the scene like nagini.... hlo! i’m nai n i’m rly excited to finally return 2 rp. uni is officially Over n i’m living bk at home nw so i actually hav free time again to write. c’est une.... how do u say.... Miracle! some of u might b familiar w lana already bt if not u can find out mre abt her under the cut n feel free 2 like this or hmu fr plots!!!

p.s. this is her pinterest for those of u tht like tht kind of thing

CIS-FEMALE — ever hear people say LANA JAMESON looks a lot like KRISTINE FROSETH? I think SHE is about 22, so it doesn’t really work. The DANCE major is a JUNIOR that is from ALBANY, NEW YORK. They can be + VIVACIOUS, but they can also be - IRRESPONSIBLE. I think LANA might be SHEEP. They are living in BALTA. ( nai. 22. gmt. she/her. )

some random aesthetics: a red water pistol topped up with caribbean rum and covered in stickers of cartoon pin up girls, a vinyl record whirring silently because you got too distracted by a stranger’s hands to reach over and flip sides, giant inflatable flamingos floating in the aftermath of a pool party, smudgy lipstick kisses left like an autograph on someone else’s mirror

ic im sayin she jst got bk from going abroad w louis, this kind of sleazy older man tht manages the camgirls on the website lana works fr. he calls himself a “big exec” at “the company” n mkes it all sound a lot more professional than it is. he also owns this big house w all these different rooms/settings fr the girls to film different kinds of scenes in n is looked up by a lot of ppl bt when asked why they look up to him, nobody ever rly seems to have an answer. jst...a shady figure. lana kind of.... went off the deep end lst semester n ended up deferring her next one after missing her big graded ballet recital. it’s a whole big mess n she’s wearin horse blinders to it. truly jst.... goin on holiday to ignore hw much she’s fuckin things up at school. queen of burying her head in the sand!

frm this point on ive jst pasted her old intro bc im the laziest woman alive n that’s jst life Babey

grew up in a big house in albany, NY, bt also spent time all over the place n was in the city a lot

okay so her mum is an old money socialite / three time campaign model way back when n her dad is a big record label mogul. he owns a label called jameson records n they repped a few big rock bands back in the eighties, altho they’re mostly known for ‘poppy injects’ whose lead singer had a big heroin scandal tht brought down his career. lana p much grew up around musicians snorting lines instead of spooning down cereal fr breakfast n her parents were v much absent her whole life

they’re pretty well off obviously n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pastel coloured fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably very pretty

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her. it was v clear that she was an accident after her older brother caleb n that even when they just had him alone they weren’t cut out for parenthood. they always kind of jst… ignored her n hoped she��d go away. she had to mke herself microwave meals when she ws only like 12 bc they’d forget to get her anything. once she went like 6 days without her mum even looking her in the eyes once

despite this tho!!! she’s always been insanely close w her brother caleb. he’s her whole world. thts why when he decided to sign up to the army she ws understandably scared bt supported him regardless. bt then he wound up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed his best friend die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home n he was never the same n lana kind of felt like he’d died out there too. he’s in n out of hospital a lot n it’s rly hard on her bt she doesn’t tlk abt it to anyone rly

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. jst literally…. knew everyone n everyone definitely knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once. she has this magnetic way abt her tht is kind of hard to find in real life. it’s something ud only rly expect out of a movie character

she’s always been insatiably spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand stories tht always earn a laugh or a gasp over how ridiculously absurd they r

anyway so after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. in fact she’s so… shameless in her endeavours tht she’s actually currently having an affair w her ballet instructor tanya who’s engaged to b married

she also currently? is working as a cam girl. she found this website bc she trawls… porn stuff a lot n she wound up applying to work as one bc she thought it’d b fun n wld earn her some disposal income (even tho she frankly doesn’t need it bc she’s already well off). the guy tht manages all of the girls on the site is kind of suspect n it’s a whole plot i’m gna unravel where it’s actually like the front for a cult or something wild so. stay posted ig. kgjdkgjh

new development!!!!!!!! cue me trottin around doin jazz hands. she’s actually been cut off by her dad so she’s….. living off the money she has left n has to look to find a job which is jst. a nightmare fr someone like lana bc she’s insatiably irresponsible n destined to be fired from anything she tries to hold down bt. it’ll be interesting bc this means she genuinely has to keep on camming even tho she’s starting not to want to any more bc of other circumstances i won’t elaborate on jst yet winks

personality/some fun facts: uncontrollably flirty. boundlessly confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n her comedy is sometimes surreal / absurd. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine. always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. her fav book as a child used to b alice in wonderland n she’d fantasise abt having her own little wonderland too where everyone knew her name n asked her things n took her on adventures. at the time it didn’t rly strike her how evident it was tht that was bc she was so lonely. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s strawberry laces or gummy bears or cherry lollipops. she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think. wildflowers r her favourites bc they’re the brightest and u can’t buy them. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another

plot ideas: exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her? a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other. someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh. an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool). someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label. someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh. umm a good influence too mayb? oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it. honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. let’s get wildt!

#livingintro #inhales fr ten minutes to muster the breath necessary to add al these tws #rape tw #statutory rape tw #only brief / touched on / not explored in detail bt stil! #abuse tw #ptsd tw #hospitalisation tw #hypersexuality tw #addiction tw #death tw #mental illness tw #drugs tw

[teachersofeducationhu-blog]

**Social media- **what is and what it does

I have since a very long time been monitoring the use of social media.

To be honest growing up i was quite hesitant to be on social media as i thought it would drown my brain.

But today we're here with you to discuss the good and the bad of social media that are used in todays adolescents.

First of we need to  know what social media is:

Social media refers to websites and applications that are designed to allow people to share content quickly, efficiently, and in real-time.

Social media is also seen as a platform for many groups and ethnicities.

For many it is seen as  as a show case of talents, entertainment,personalities, characteristics, and especially their voices.

Next we need to know the platforms they used:

the youths that we've primarily come across upon use the social media outlets:

Instagram

Snapchat

Twitter

Facebook

Whatsapp

Tik Tok

Youtube

Tumblr

To begin with comprehending our youth we need to understand what they use their outlets for.

You can see many of todays youths on social media. Some using it as their personal platform others using it to conceive trends, observing nearly worshipping their idols, forms of communication, its also a look into the daily lives  of each other.

For instance: celebrity crush and idols

they are the people kids look up to and use as their role models or envision themselves in that role one day whether be reality or a dream.

It gives them something to reach out to, sort of like a goal

As for media entertainment

we all know the use of memes and the use of it for our personal comic relief.

We all spend countless hours looking at memes and youtube videos but what if we could use this entertainment to stimulate and help evolve the adolescent brain development.

In the form of generating their own memes or social vids that are informative.

Gaming and YouTube has vastly taken over the social platform stage.

They are also some of the more novice lucrative ways of making money on a social platform.

Take for instance that recently there was a video game tournament for fortnite where a young teen won over a million dollars by becoming its first tournament winner.

And what better way to broadcast that same tournament but on YouTube.

Where millions of viewers logged in and the broadcaster got paid by the sum of viewers he/ she had.

Psychoanalysis was founded by Sigmund Freud (1856-1939).  Freud believed that people could be cured by making conscious their unconscious thoughts and motivations, thus gaining insight.

The aim of psychoanalysis therapy is to release repressed emotions and experiences, i.e., make the unconscious conscious. It is only having a cathartic (i.e., healing) experience can the person be helped and "cured."

Click here for a video on the theory of psycho analysis

psycho analysis is crucial to understand because if we do then we know our brain develops even in our sleep. And if teens constantly are on social media or social networks and video games it can affect their sleep and the wake up restless, or even worse more dedicated to the social outlets as not to feel left out.

One way we can help beat this is 3 hours before bed time all phones away and give the brain a stimulating activity so that it can function up to speed and breathe and eat knowledge as it is meant to .

Implement family night with boardgames or trivia or a fun activity outsides that can help build your social recognizance.

Giving your body and brain diversity keeps it sharp and uplifting and gives you those extra tools for life.

For instance some of the social idols for todays teens can be what we call social influencers.

A social influencer is someone who uses their social media status to push products on their young audience to buy said product on their social media page for what said influencer is paid for by the brand.

See video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SOFSjlU0fM

on a site called mom junction I found 11 positive and negative influences of teen on social media

https://www.momjunction.com/articles/positive-and-negative-influences-of-media-on-teenagers_00107975/

I will just use 2 of each:

Help Develop Social Skills:

Many teens are socially awkward. Media gives them the chance to groom their social skills. It also gives them the chance to expand their social circle and develop new friendships. Other benefits include social confidence, heightened literacy in the media, and more social support. Social media diversifies your teen’s social skills, which in turn helps him navigate successfully through modern society

Inspire Them:

When your teen watches an action flick, don’t just despair about the violence. With a little guidance, they can use the movie as inspiration! Maybe your teen will decide to take up martial arts training, all thanks to a Bruce Lee movie! Teenagers look up to celebrities, and when a celebrity tells them to stay off drugs, they just might listen.

Negative theories

Risky Sexual Behavior:

Teenagers are just discovering their sexuality. It is very normal for them to be interested in everything sexual. But the amount of sex in media today can make a teenager confused. Sex without responsibility – that seems to be the message being beamed at teenagers. This can lead to irresponsible sexual behavior and unwanted pregnancies.

[ Read:Teenage Social Media Addiction]

Making Everything Commercial:

Happiness comes at a price. At least that’s the message teenagers get through media. Their life would be perfect if only you’d buy them that hot new game, that happening dress. Advertisers target teenagers to ramp up their revenues. But teenagers fall prey to the idea of commercialization of happiness.

According to Erickson’s Developmental theory, an individual faces a developmental crisis at each stage ( a conflict between a positive alternative and a potentially unhealthy alternative). “…The emphasis on ones own identity at a point in time when the way forward was no longer determined by ones parents or by society…resulting in a crisis of identity”. (westenberg 2008:2)​

​

Now that we have that tackled, let us discuss some of the good of social media:

Ive mentioned previously above that social media is a platform:

for instance the parkland shooting in the united states where a group of students took to social media to voice their opinions after surviving yet another tragic massacre and became activist in their own rights to fight against NRA and force a national debate.

https://www.vox.com/2018/2/26/17054408/parkland-shooting-activist-teens-gun-control

if we were to apply Urie Bronfebenner's theory  of Ecological Theory of Human Development.

Urie Bronfenbrenner (April 29, 1917 – September 25, 2005) was a Russian-born American psychologist who is most known for his ecological systems theory.[1] His work with the United States government helped in the formation of the Head start program in 1965.[2] Bronfenbrenner's ability research was key in changing the perspective of developmental psychology by calling attention to the large number of environmental and societal influences on child development.

Or young high school or college students  or athletes using their popularity on  social media to spread the knowledge of  social injustice

As you can see young adults have used social media to help lead them along the way to do great things these are the most beautiful forms of social media.

Then of course there is the ugly.

Social media is also an open platform, for some  it can allow you to be subsequent to

for instance research has shown that spending to much time on social media can lead lead to depression .

As noted by such research sites such as ivesciences

https://www.livescience.com/51294-cyberbullying-social-media-teen-depression.html

Don't get me with twisted everything in this life there are the good and the bad.

Take for instance social media have given us the means to reach millions if not billions of people across the globe to relay our message but it can also allow you to portray just a an image of yourself but factual and superficial.

CYBERBULLYING

Do you know the dangers of cyber bullying?

Cyber bullying has taken on one of the worst form of emotional en mental damage to it's victims.

There have been an extreme amount of cyber bullying that  has led to the victims committing suicide.

I don't know about you but no child should have o go through so much that they rather take their own lives because of such cowardly behavior from another that hides behind a  sometimes fake profile.

Here is an article from lie science backing thees findings:

https://www.livescience.com/51294-cyberbullying-social-media-teen-depression.html

For instance in adolescents cat fishing has been major issue.

For those who don't know catfish(ing ) is pretending to be someone your not on he internet/ social media .

The most cat-fishers claim to show interest in you and try to either make you fall in love with them or to manipulate you for their own personal cause.

https://socialnewsdaily.com/11296/catfishing-infographic/

Cat-fishing is often employed for romance scams,on dating websites. Cat-fishing may be used for financial gain, to compromise a victim in some way, or simply as a form of trolling or wish fulfillment.Sadly the study found that cat-fishers will use traumatic experiences such as cancer, accidents and death to avoid meeting their victims in real life.

As we look into the psychological make up of cat-fishing its almost always done by one person making of a fake social media platform. It is because it is so easy to mask our through selves behind the windows of social media. Another bad reference is that it is now easier for bullies and psychopaths to reach our youth online through social media.

Other platforms with social media use

Lets take a look into the platform that our adolescents role into.

For instance youtube, youtube was seen for many years as just a media outlet where we could watch short documentaries and comedy stints and especially watch music videos.

Nowadays youtube has a huge role into social media and social development of todays youth.

Yes i know the argument would come as wow really (sarcastically) and others would say thats always been the way it has been ( true) but never like before.

Just a few insight as to what goes on you tube you can see stuff like live video gaming  where you can talk to and relate your skills.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ft54bgeMBlg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qc-vvpFft2c

https://video.fosterwebmarketing.com/fosterwebmarketing.com/httpdocs/evm/1080_fosterwebmarketing_017_gina_youtube_h264_640x360.mp4

Also where the can communicate with anime pages, show their life with life vlogs and star in their own reality clips, put on their own personal showcases with live interaction.

The've built up a platform where they can showcase their many talents.

For instance Justin Bieber himself was discovered on youtube and signed a record deal as a teenager.

But social media can also lead to the a substantial difference to the development of the adolescent brain, if you click on the lick here under you can see a couple of test run on teenagers who are on social media and how their brains develop.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QWoP6jJG3k

**Where do i belong **

We have seen an outstanding amount of  young people all searching to find their peers and to adhere to whatever social group.

Take for instance such support groups that help them deal with their sexuality, ideology and identity

LBGTQ

Feminism

race

beliefs & religion

sex & sexual experimenting

social experimenting

every teen wants to find his or her social group or spot in society; and social media in its various forms helps to steer them to that source.

We should always pay attention to our students and kids for they are discovering their paths be it good  or bad they will find person or social peers who share their interest.

Piaget (1936) was the first psychologist to make a systematic study of cognitive development.

Sensorimotor stage: birth to 2 years

Preoperational stage: ages 2 to 7

Concrete operational stage: ages 7 to 11

Formal operational stage: ages 12 and up

The Sensorimotor Stage

Major Characteristics and Developmental Changes:

The infant knows the world through their movements and sensations

Children learn about the world through basic actions such as sucking, grasping, looking, and listening

Infants learn that things continue to exist even though they cannot be seen (object permanence)

They are separate beings from the people and objects around them

They realize that their actions can cause things to happen in the world around them

During this earliest stage of cognitive development, infants and toddlers acquire knowledge through sensory experiences and manipulating objects. A child's entire experience at the earliest period of this stage occurs through basic reflexes, senses, and motor responses.T

The Preoperational Stage

Major Characteristics and Developmental Changes:

Children begin to think symbolically and learn to use words and pictures to represent objects.

Children at this stage tend to be egocentric and struggle to see things from the perspective of others.

While they are getting better with language and thinking, they still tend to think about things in very concrete terms.

The foundations of language development may have been laid during the previous stage, but it is the emergence of language that is one of the major hallmarks of the preoperational stage of development

The Concrete Operational Stage

Major Characteristics and Developmental Changes

During this stage, children begin to thinking logically about concrete events

They begin to understand the concept of conservation; that the amount of liquid in a short, wide cup is equal to that in a tall, skinny glass, for example

Their thinking becomes more logical and organized, but still very concrete

Children begin using inductive logic, or reasoning from specific information to a general principle

While children are still very concrete and literal in their thinking at this point in development, they become much more adept at using logic.2 The egocentrism of the previous stage begins to disappear as kids become better at thinking about how other people might view a situation.

The Formal Operational Stage

Major Characteristics and Developmental Changes:

At this stage, the adolescent or young adult begins to think abstractly and reason about hypothetical problems

Abstract thought emerges

Teens begin to think more about moral, philosophical, ethical, social, and political issues that require theoretical and abstract reasoning

Begin to use deductive logic, or reasoning from a general principle to specific information

The final stage of Piaget's theory involves an increase in logic, the ability to use deductive reasoning, and an understanding of abstract ideas.3 At this point, people become capable of seeing multiple potential solutions to problems and think more scientifically about the world around them.

In theory we as teachers should not fear the use of social media but instead learn to harness its powers.

To use it as our umbrella to educate by implementing it into our lessons we can control it for the mos.

For instance the making of a social media  portfolio where they can use social media better in there english class and basically amy skill set you want to embody on todays adolescents.

For some of us with teenage students we can find it off putting but by my observations there are some differential factors in the use of social media and their personal development from said social society.

Some of the factors are :

Culture/ region of upbringing

Race

Morals and values

Religion

and of course age

With all of these factors we should always monitor our children/ students and have them take time for a detox.

We should also try not to hover over them but enlighten them and instead of nag give them a sense of responsibility where then their brain can develop in multiple ways. Think of it as exercise for the brain.

**Live Long and Prosper  & Remember to Elevate and Educate **

[thepenisparker]

hold it in ➻ tom holland x reader [SMUT]

@taytayfan10 said:

Heeyy! Can you do an imagine where Tom gets so drunk and confess his love for the reader and then they fuck like really intense? Thanks xoxo

warnings: "intense" smut, alcohol, lil bit of swearing

words: too fuckin many 3,397

hold it in.

You laid in bed, watching a Netflix comedy special instead of doing the homework you were supposed to be doing. Your friends all went to a big party that didn't seem to interest you tonight. You didn't feel like going out, getting all ready just to be disappointed when the guy you've had a crush on since you met him chose other girls to take home.

So, you decided to stay in. Be productive instead of disappointed. So far, productive wasn't the right word but you were better here than watching some girl grind on Tom and settling going home with some guy that you'd never normally go home with.

You were fine with that, fine with laying in bed with no makeup, natural hair, no pants just your giant t-shirt from middle school that you never really grew into. Your roommate was texting you all night, you two never really got along but still let each other know whether you were going to go to be home or where you were.

hey girllllllll, everyones kinda leaving but ive spotted a hottie w th a body im gunna see if hes gunnan eat this pu$$y

read 2:34 AM

ok have fun ;) let me know if you're coming home

delivered 2:35 AM

You wanted to turn in but you weren't tired enough. Trying to close your eyes but opting to dance around your studio apartment getting drunk off the homemade mimosa's. Only being cut off by a knocking at the door. Figuring it was a neighbor complaining about the noise, you lowered the volume and decided to just answer the door as is, just hiding your bottom half.

Upon opening the door, you were surprised at a boy's upper half that fell onto your floor.

"(Y/N)!" Tom muttered, rolling his head with his eyelids hooded and laughing at nothing. He was well dressed in a dark blue button up that sported adorable white flowers on it, dark jeans, and a leather jacket.

"Tom? What are you doing here?" You asked, still trying to hide your practically naked lower half.

"Harrison is getting laid.." he laughed, patting his stomach, "So I can't be in there."

"Ok, well. Come in." You said waving him in. He stood up but not very stable and he wouldn't stop looking at you. You tried your best to keep your shirt as low as possible.

"Ehe." You heard him laugh as you run to your chest of drawers.

"What?" You asked, grabbing a pair of leggings as quickly as possible and putting them on.

"You're not wearing pants." He pointed out.

"Well, I wasn't exactly expecting company." You said, trying to put hair in front of your face to cover up the fact you were all natural. He was your friend for a long time, but you still had a big crush on him as much as you said you gave up on it. You know you didn't.

"You didn't have to put on pants for me," Tom said, sitting down at the counter in your kitchen section. You were always nervous about him being in your apartment since his was the penthouse on the top floor with Harrison and yours was this tiny little-broken apartment. It was good enough for you and your roommate but with Tom, you felt embarrassed.

"Yeah, of course." You rolled your eyes as your drunk friend put his head against his palm. You grabbed him a water bottle and started making him a grilled cheese so he wouldn't have as bad a hangover the next day.

"It's hot in here." he complained, taking off his jacket and throwing it across the floor.

"How was the party?"

"You're so pretty." He mumbled, staring at you. He admired the side profile, thinking of how sweet you were to start caring for him when he showed up. You didn't have to but you did, "It sucked."

"Thanks, Tom." Knowing he was drunk and didn't want to get your hopes up too high. Still, your ears went hot as a blush crept across your cheeks. He had always had a flirty personality, sometimes him flirting didn't mean anything, "And why'd it suck?"

"Because!" He announced, not really knowing how loud he was, "You weren't there."

He kicked in his chair like a child.

"I'm sure it was still fun." You said, flipping the grilled cheese.

"But it wasn't as fun. Why didn't you come?" He asked standing up, not being able to contain his energy. "I just, uh, I didn't feel like going out tonight." You said, flattered that he cared so much.

"But I wanted you to come so badly tonight!" He whined, putting his hands on both the counter and the island blocking the exit to the kitchen.

"Yeah? Maybe next weekend." You said, plating the grilled cheese and putting it on the counter for him. Noticing he had drank all the water already. He looked at the sandwich and then you, "You need to eat that."

"I'd much rather eat something else." Tom said, low. His tone already giving you butterflies, your mouth started to water looking at his outspread arms.

"I have chips if you want that?" Your voice shook, ripping your eyes off him to turn around. He shook his head no.

"Why don't you get it?" He said, causing you to turn around.

"Get what?" You asked. He loved the expression on your face, the way your eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.

"Oh, for fuck's sake." He walked fast up to you, grabbing your face and harshly putting his lips to yours, pushing those bits of hair away clutching it against the sides of your face. His body pushed you against the back counter. You didn't know what to do with your hands suddenly, you were so genuinely surprised by his frustrations with you. You'd seen him drunk before, he was always touchy and flirty but you took it as your drunk friend Tom even though you wished it had been more than that.

Tom didn't go any further than one kiss, knowing you were surprised by it. He had started thinking much clearer, he knew you were going to chastise him for doing that while he was drunk but he had to. If he was sober he wouldn't have had the courage to tell you how he felt let alone kiss you. He couldn't believe he had done it, regretting immediately how he acted at the party he was at. Convincing himself you were at your apartment fucking someone else again who didn't care the way he did. When he had planned to tell you there since he knew it was on the beach, he could take you out there and tell you but then you didn't come and he thought he was too late.

"Why'd you do that?" You asked when he stopped.

"Because I've liked you for a long time. And I'm tired of holding it in." He said, still holding your face, feeling if he let go you'd disappear.

"Tom, you're drunk. Don't do that to me." You begged with your eyes, pleading him not to tease you like this. You grabbed his hand but he wouldn't let go. Knowing he must know you like him, maybe in the way you acted or someone told him and didn't want this kind of game to be played with you.

"I'm not, I'm not messing with you." He panicked, sobering up fast, and moving his hands down to your sides "I wanted to tell you tonight, the party was on a beach and I was going to take you down there and-and stuff. You know to tell you how I felt."

"But- what?" You said, crossing your arms, slowly losing your mind "I just, me? You never- what? Like I don't know how to say it, I'm just blindsided right now. I don't-"

He kissed you again. This time you kissed him back, feeling your heart doing somersaults in your chest. His fingers dug into your waist, wanting to finally feel more of you. Begging to be believed.

"I'm sorry." He leaned his forehead into yours, "You were just so cute when you're cute. I mean confused. I've just been too scared, you're so beautiful and kind and smart. How you're everything I've always wanted, and more."

You laughed, wanting more of his lips. They were even softer than you thought, his body is warmer and his hands rougher. No longer tasting the lingering taste of alcohol on his lips, "I've waited so long for you to think of me like this. But you were always with other girls-"

"You were with other guys." Tom pointed out, leaning his head to nibble at your neck, "I only got so drunk thinking about what you were doing instead.. inviting some other guy over.. who doesn't know you the way I do.. who doesn't care about you the way I do.."

"What makes you think you know me so well?" You said, breathy, already writhing under his long awaited touch. He looked at your eyes for permission, "Prove it."

With that, Tom didn't hold back anymore. He picked you up by the thighs and dropped you on the counter. His fingertips dug harshly into your inner thighs, spreading them so he could get closer to you. Your lips fought each other, after waiting for too long there had been so much pent up between the two of you.

He tugged at the back of your hair, giving him easier access to your neck, nipping and rolling bits of skin between his teeth then kissing it over to soothe it. He didn't want another guy to take you home ever again, make sure people knew you were going to be his from now on. His left hand drifted up your side, his thumb just toying under your breast, waiting for permission. You removed your hands from massaging his shoulders down to his collar, beginning to unbutton his shirt as a sign of your permission.

Tom gladly accepted, finally separating your bodies only so you could help smoothe his shirt off his chest. You snuck your hands under his shirt, smoothing your hands over his chest, and shoulders. Your touch replacing what was once clothed. He watched you as you did it, for the first time slowing things down a bit, he was reminded of why he chose you. Seeing how slow and delicate you were, looking as if Tom was the most beautiful art exhibit in the world. Nobody had ever seen him like this, not when he saw them in the same way.

Grabbing your chin, he reconnected with you not able to stand to be away for too long. He snuck his hand under your t-shirt, desperate to show you that he was serious.

"Get this bloody thing off." He grunted, you lifted your hands up and he practically ripped it off you, throwing it across the apartment. He trailed his kisses down, landing just on your collarbone, holding your sides, gently slowing as he kissed over your breasts and began to pepper kisses around and onto your nipples. Worshipping them, tenderly rolling between his fingers and sucking which produced a moan from you. It was music to his ears.

He surprised you, picking you up off the counter to land you on your bed in the corner of the room. You grabbed onto the curls on the back of his neck, watching as he trailed down lower, feeling the coil prepare itself. You so desperately wanted him everywhere.

"Tom..." You muttered, rolling off your tongue knowing you didn't know what else to say.

"You want me down here, darling?" He asked in a husky tone, looking at his dancing fingers around our leggings waistband. Never had asking for consent sound so hot.

"Everywhere." You begged. He loved you begging.

He slowly grabbed them and trailed them down your legs, lifting them up to do so. With his other hand, he trailed them up your now bare thighs, kissing at the exposed flesh. Starting at your ankle, his kisses trailed up. Teasing your aching core, you already knew you were going to lose it when he finally got there. Soon enough, his hair tickled your inner thighs, his hot breath blowing against your wet center. You were so thankful you felt as though all your dreams were coming true.

He moved your panties to the side, getting his first glimpse of heaven, seeing you were already moist he pressed his thumb to your folds, rubbing back and forth until he dug himself to your clit. He started his motions slow, like an artist beginning strokes of a paintbrush. He put your leg on his shoulder, massaging your hips with both of his thumbs as his mouth finally made an appearance. He licked a long stipe up your core, tasting you finally, moaning as he did which send vibrations up you. He then began to suck and twirl expertly on your clit, holding down your hips as you shook beneath him, only turning him on further.

"Tom, oh my-" You let out, becoming a breathing mess. He then stuck a finger inside, curling it up to try and ready you, but it only added more pleasure to the equation. He continued to suck with his mouth, adding another finger. You gripped onto his hair tightly, the sheets balled in your other fist as the coil in you gave in for the first time.

"Oh my god, I'm cumming-" You let out, most guys can't do that. The surprise was genuine as shock and pleasure went up your spine, arching your back. Tom didn't let you rest though, grabbing the hands you had in his hair and on sheets and placing them above your head as he lowered himself over you. He kissed you roughly, allowing you to taste yourself but you wanted to taste him.

You trailed your hands up, down his chiseled abs and landing on his belt, he grabbed your hands and replaced them where they were.

"This about me proving to you, not the other way around." Tom reminded you, smirking into a kiss as he reached around you one hand under your back and arching your back and the other grazing your breasts.

"I just-" You spoke your best between kisses, "want to reciprocate."

"Maybe another night." He didn't allow, "What about.." he trailed his hand from your breast down into the home of your panties again, "What I can do for you?"

"Tom- Please." You forget how to speak as he leaves his hand down there without doing anything.

"Please what?" He hummed, sending shivers down your neck as he kissed and licked near your earlobe.

"I want you." Reaching for your nightstand drawer, he got into what you were saying and left you for a moment to grab the condoms you left in the drawer. You whimpered as he left, missing the weight of his body.

But an idea popped into your head, you started to undo his belt practically ripping it from the belt loops. After he had one in his hand you flipped him over, he laughed as you did. Allowing you to desperately take off his jeans, seeing the outline of his member in his tight boxers. With him below you, it allowed you to finally worship him, kissing around his waist, up his chest. He grabbed you up finally, lifting you from down there to straddle him face to face. He switched it again so that he was on top, feeling as though you were wrestling for it, but with you laying there, he was able to sit up taking off his boxers as his hard erection finally escaped from the confines of the tightness of his clothing. Your hands and eyes wandered it, thinking of all the things he could do to you.

"Right, this needs to come off too." He opted to rip off your panties.

"Did you just-?" You asked, but cut off by him

"I'll get you some new ones." He mumbled grabbing your legs and lifting your core up to his mouth. The only thing left of you touching the bed was your neck, his muscles holding your legs around his shoulders as he knelt on the bed. He returned his mouth to your clit, readying you again as if looking at him wasn't jarring enough for your sopping core.

"Please Tom, I need you." You begged. Tom couldn't bear hearing his name said like that by your voice any longer. He shoved you back down and up back to your regular position, holding your hands up with one hand.

He grabbed his cock with one hand sliding it up and down your folds, circling the stiffness around your aching pleasure point. Your back arched, and he removed his hand from holding your wrists to hold your back in an arch. And then finally, slowly, he entered you, stretched you in ways you didn't know were possible. Your breath was on his ear, only urging more of a moan from the sensation of being inside of you.

His hand flew up to your arm, harshly running it up until your fingers were intertwined. He began to move then, slowly at first, then picking up and not able to contain himself.

"Harder.." You practically whimpered in his ear, he granted your wish. His hips begging to smack into yours with more force, your hands flew to his back, scratching at it and pulling at his shoulders, you needed all of him. He lifted back up to his knees, keeping contact with you but his hands now deep into your thighs. You bit your lip and it drove him wild, putting a thumb to pressurize your clit while he pounded into you.

He then stopped altogether, feeling empty without him, you opened your eyes. His bottom lip sucked in, you yelped as he flipped you over to your stomach. Pulling you up to your knees, he wrapped his arm around to find your clit, kissing up your spine and you trembling in a way you never had before. He brought his throbbing cock to your core again, you breathed out in a gasp as you felt him enter again, walls clenching and hugging him as sweet lover. He groaned as you did.

"Fuck.." He cursed, knowing he was going to lose it like this. He went harder this time, giving a quick slap to your ass, he rubbed his hands up your sensitive back and pressing your shoulders to ask for more friction against him. His hands ran back down to your waist, arching it down with the palm of his hand and grabbing your hair with his other. You were feeling so much intense pleasure, feeling all of him, losing your mind by how insanely good you felt. Your legs shaking you didn't think you were going to last much longer.

He kept going until he heard your magic words, "I think I'm going to-"

"Me too.." He muttered, for the first time: weakly. His hand from your back reached your clit, urging you closer to the edge.

"I'm-" like that you dropped, and felt the most intense orgasm in months. He followed soon behind you his own cum filling the condom while still inside of you. Laying on our stomach, you shivered with waves of pleasure hitting you. You barely realized Tom had gotten up to throw away the condom and wipe off before he came back.

He jumped onto the bed, filling the cold spot next to you.

"Enjoy yourself?" He asked, proud of himself for when he touched your back, you shook and practically purred.

"Mmm.." You hummed, your eyes finally opening, and looking at him with the eyes he so adored.

"I proved how much I really, genuinely, adore you?" He pestered you, bringing you closer and rolling you off your stomach to be nearer to him again.

"I'd say yeah- I mean. Yes, I definitely believe you right now." You jumbled words, still feeling so loose and relaxed and happy. A few moments went by of cuddling before he spoke again.

"So.. I forgot to ask earlier.." He ran a hand through his sweaty curls, "You like me back right?"

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed, please let me know what you thought by liking or reblogging or sending a message!

If you have a request, my message box is very open and I’d love to have more!

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland imagines #tom holland imagine #tom holland smut #smut #fanfiction #x reader #peter parker #spiderman #marvel #tom smut #holland #tom #th #harrison #harrison osterfield #tom holland smuts #imagines #imagine #writing

[the-desolated-quill]

Quill’s Swill - The Worst Of 2018

Congratulations dear reader. You survived 2018. And you know what that means. It’s time for another best of/worst of list. Welcome to Quill’s Swill 2018. A giant septic tank for the various shit the entertainment industry produced over the course of the year. The films, games, TV shows and various other media that got on my bad side. As always please bear in mind that this is only my subjective opinion (if you happen to like any of the things on this list, good for you. I’m glad someone did) and that obviously I haven’t seen everything 2018 has to offer for one reason or another. In other words, sorry that Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes Of Grindelwald isn’t on here. I’m sure it is as terrible as some have been suggesting. I just never got around to watching it.

Okay everyone. Grab your breathing masks and put on your rubber gloves. Let’s dive into this shit pile.

Hold The Sunset

The news that John Cleese would be returning to the world of BBC sitcoms was incredibly exciting, being a massive Fawlty Towers fan and all. Unfortunately Hold The Sunset was not quite what I had in mind. It’s one of those rare breed of situation comedies that chooses to offer no actual comedy. It’s not a sitcom. It’s a sit. Like Scrubs or The Big Bang Theory.

An elderly couple plan to elope abroad only for Alison Steadman’s son to barge in, having left his wife, and forcing them to put their plans on hold. Hence the title ‘Hold The Sunset.’ It’s like a cross between As Time Goes By and Sorry, but if all the humour and relatability were surgically removed by a deadpan mortician. The characters are weak, the plots are thin on the ground and the humour (hat little of it there is) feel incredibly dated. The middle aged mummy’s boy is something that hasn’t been funny since the 90s. It’s an utter waste of great talent and what hurts even more is that this tripe is actually getting a second series. I can only assume the people watching this are comatose. Either that or there’s an epidemic of people in Britain who have lost the remote.

Avengers: Infinity War

Yes this is one of the worst movies of 2018 and no I don’t regret saying that one little bit. Avengers: Infinity War was fucking terrible. Period. There were too many plots and characters going on, which made the film hard to follow (and what staggers me is that the so called ‘professional’ critics have condemned movies for having too many characters and plots before. Spider-Man 3, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Batman vs Superman: Dawn Of Justice and even Deadpool 2. But because this is an MCU movie, it gets a free pass. Fuck off). The characterisation was weak due to sheer number of characters they try to juggle, resulting in characters coming off as one dimensional caricatures of themselves and scenes where characters such as Iron Man, Doctor Strange and Star-Lord sound completely interchangeable. The villain, Thanos, is a stupidly and poorly written villain, but that’s hardly surprising considering what a shit job Marvel have done building him up over the course of these 20+ movies. And let’s not forget that pisstake ending. A bunch of prominent Marvel characters die and it’s all very, very sad... except all these characters just so happen to have sequels planned, which makes this ending fucking pointless and have less impact than a feather on a bouncy castle.

I don’t know which is more shocking. That Marvel and Disney think their audience are that stupid and gullible, or that their audience are actually validating their view. Fuck you Disney.

Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery

I’ve always wanted a Harry Potter RPG, where you could customise your character, choose your house and actually live a full school life at Hogwarts. This year, Warner Bros and Jam City gave us just that.

That was a mistake.

Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery is the epitome of everything that’s wrong with the mobile gaming market right now. The gameplay is boring and involving where you just tap images on a screen until a progress bar fills up. Wizard duels are little more than rock-paper-scissors challenges that require no kind of skill. Bonding with friends and caring for magical creatures just consist of pathetically simple pop quizzes and yet more boring tapping. Oh and of course you only get a certain amount of energy to complete these tedious tasks. If you run out of energy, you wait for it to fill up... or pay up for the privilege. So determined are they to extract your hard earned cash from your wallet, there’s actually a bit where Devil’s Snare strangles your eleven year old avatar and the game effectively tries to guilt trip you into paying micro-transactions to save them. It’s sleazy, gross and manipulative. Honestly, you’re better off just playing Candy Crush.

Agony

When the developers of this game said they wanted to give the player a trip through Hell, they had no idea how true that statement really was. Agony is dreadful on a number of levels. The design for Hell itself, while visually interesting at times, is often not very practical and gets quite dull and repetitive after a while. The stealth mechanics are a joke and the AI of your demonic enemies are pitiful. All of this alone would have been enough to put this game on the list, but then we also have the casual misogyny. Agony is a gorefest trying desperately to shock the player. We see men and woman get tortured, but it’s the women that often get the extreme end. The violence inflicted on them is often sexual in nature and the game seems to go out of its way to degrade and dehumanise women at every turn. The orgasmic cries of ‘pull it out’ quickly become a staple of the game’s experience as we see naked women raped, tortured and murdered, all for the purposes of ‘entertainment.’

I would call Agony sexist, but honestly that would be giving it too much credit. Agony is like a little child trying desperately to be all dark and edgy in a pathetic attempt to impress everyone around him, and we should treat it as such. Go to your room Agony. No ice cream for you.

Peter Rabbit

If you listen closely, you can hear the sound of Beatrix Potter rotating in her grave.

Yes we have yet another live action/CGI hybrid, but instead of something innocuous like the Smurfs or Alvin and the Chipmunks, Sony instead decides to adapt Peter Rabbit, with James Corden in the title role.

It’s about as bad as you’d expect.

Their attempts to modernise the story are painful to say the least with pop culture references, inappropriate adult humour and twerking rabbits. Plus rather than the gentle, but slightly mischievous character we got in the source material, here Peter is a sociopathic delinquent who seems to revel in making the farmer’s life a living hell. He’s unlikable and unwatchable as far as I’m concerned and the film doesn’t in anyway earn the emotional moments it tries so desperately to sell to the audience. And the worst part is it’s getting a sequel.

Wait. Do you hear that sound? That’s the sound of Beatrix Potter tearing out of the ground, ready to kill whatever idiot came up with this shit.

Fallout 76

I was excited for Fallout 76. A MMORPG where players band together to rebuild society after a nuclear apocalypse. Could have been great. Pity it wasn’t.

Fallout 76 is a dreadful game. Not only is it a buggy, glitchy mess that requires a constant online connection to play, which could result in you losing hours of progress if your WiFi went down, it’s also unbelievably tedious, and that’s because there’s nothing to do in the game. There’s no other characters to interact with, the various robots and computers you come across are really little more than quest givers, there’s no actual plot so to speak, and because of the sheer size of the world and the number of players allowed on a server, the chances of you actually meeting any actual players is remote. And let’s not forget all the behind the scenes drama. Bethesda falsely advertising Fallout themed canvas bags and players getting shitty nylon ones. Bethesda accidentally releasing the account information of various players trying to get a refund for said bag. Bethesda failing to program the year 2019 into the game code, meaning that the game’s nukes don’t work.

Maybe there’s a chance that Bethesda could pull a No Man’s Sky and fix everything over the coming years with various patches and DLCs, but the damage has already been done. It’s incredibly disappointing. The Elder Scrolls 6 is going to have be fucking incredible to win everyone back.

Mama Mia!: Here We Go Again

I can’t stand jukebox musicals anyway, but Mamma Mia was always one of the worst. Its boring, meandering story with its one note, obnoxious cast of characters screeching out ABBA songs like they’re at some drunken karaoke session at some poor sod’s hen party has always grated on my nerves. So imagine my delight when they announced we were getting a sequel. Ever wondered how Meryl Streep met her three lovers and founded her hotel? No? Well tough shit, we’re going to tell you anyway.

Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again is basically just Mamma Mia again. The actors still can’t sing, the characters are still annoying and story is still boring and meandering, completely at the mercy of the chosen songs rather than the filmmakers using the songs to compliment the story (you know? Like proper musicals do?).

How can I resist you? Very easily as it turns out. Gimme, gimme, gimme a fucking gun so I can end my misery.

The Cloverfield Paradox

A lot of people were unhappy about the direction Cloverfield was going. They wanted a continuation of the found footage, kaiju movie from 2008, not an anthology series. I was personally all in favour. Partially because I thought the first Cloverfield was a tad overrated, but mostly because I thought it would be a great opportunity for more experimental film projects and could be a great launchpad for new writers and filmmakers. 10 Cloverfield Lane was a great start. Then The Cloverfield Paradox happened.

The Cloverfield Paradox is basically JJ Abrams trying to have his cake and eat it too. Maintaining the anthology format whilst connecting everything together in a ‘shared universe’ (yes, yet another shared universe). The result was a cliched, poorly edited and idiotic mess of a film that actually took away from the previous two films rather than added to them. Everyone hated it and, as a result, 2018′s Overlord, which was totes going to be part of the Cloververse, was made its own standalone film and Abrams double pinky promised to make a true sequel to the original Cloverfield. A complete and total disaster. No wonder it was a straight-to-Netflix film.

The Handmaid’s Tale - Season 2

This is probably going to be the most controversial entry on the list, but please hear me out because I’m not the only one who has a problem with this season.

I was reluctant to watch The Handmaid’s Tale simply because of how gruesome the original book was, but I forced myself to watch the first season and I thought it was pretty good. It remained faithful to the source material for the most part and included some nice additions that helped to expand the story and mythos. If it was just a one off mini-series, everything would have been fine. But then they made the same mistake as The Man In The High Castle and Under The Dome did where they commissioned another season and attempted to tell a story that goes beyond the book.

There’s a reason why the original story ended where it did. The Handmaid’s Tale isn’t meant to be an empowering story about women sticking it to the patriarchy. It’s a cautionary tale about how fragile our civil rights truly are and how easily they can be taken away from us. It’s designed to shock, not to satisfy. So seeing a handmaid blow herself up in a suicide bombing feels very incongruous and just a little bit silly. It would be like doing a TV adaptation of George Orwell’s 1984 where the first season followed the source material and then the second season turned Winston Smith into this heroic freedom fighter trying to overthrow Big Brother. It would represent a fundamental misunderstanding of what the book was about in the first place.

And then of course there’s the increased level of violence in Season 2, which many have complained about. In Season 1 and the original source material, the violence was justified. In Season 2, the motivation behind the violence has gone from ‘how can we effectively demonstrate how easily a fascist patriarchy can happen in the West?’ to ‘what brutal act can we inflict upon Ofglen to shock the audience this week?’ It’s purely for shock and nothing more. And with the showrunner (who I feel I should mention is a man) announcing that he has planned ten seasons of this, it seems that The Handmaid’s Tale is going to go even further with this depravity until it effectively becomes the equivalent of a Saw film.

The Handmaid’s Tale exists as a way of shining light on and critiquing misogyny in its most extreme form. Season 2 however demonstrates that there is a serious risk of it becoming the very thing it’s criticising in the first place.

The Predator

I love the Predator franchise, but The Predator is the worst.

People thought that this would be good because director Shane Black had actually starred in the first Predator movie back in 1987. Instead we got this bloated, confusing, obnoxious and insulting mess of a film that seems to go out of its way to ruin everything that makes Predator so good. There’s no tension. No suspense. No intrigue. Just a bunch of gore, explosions and shitty one liners from annoying and lifeless characters. They essentially took this big alien game hunter from outer space and turned him into a generic monster from a bad summer blockbuster. It no longer hunts for sport. It wants to take over the world and splice our DNA with theirs. But don’t worry, a rogue Predator doesn’t want to kill humans (even though he himself kills a bunch of humans), so he gives us a Predator Iron Man suit to set up a sequel that will probably never happen because this movie was a box office bomb and it fucking SUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKEEEEEDDDD!!!

This film also has a very nasty streak towards those with disabilities. There’s a lot of jokes at the expense of a character with Tourette’s and it has an extremely ignorant and patronising view of autism, portraying the main character’s kid as being a super genius who can decipher the Predator language and even going so far as to say that he represents ‘the next stage of human evolution.’ Presumably the Predators want social communication difficulties because apparently it helps them hunt somehow.

What with Disney acquiring 20th Century Fox, the future of both the Alien and Predator franchises were very much in question. This film needed to be a success in order to make a case for Disney to keep making more of them. It wasn’t. Congratulations Shane Black. You might have just killed off this franchise for good. Thanks arsehole! :D

So those were my least favourite stories from 2018. Join me on Wednesday where we shall discuss something more positive. Yes, it’s awards season. Who shall win the coveted Quill Seal Of Approval? Watch this space...

Or don’t. It’s up to you. I don’t want to force you or anything. It’s a free country.

#quill's swill #quill's swill 2018 #worst of the year #review #opinion

[laniakeabooks]

January Wrap Up

I read 11 books in January which is a personal record. I’ve included the synopsis pulled directly from Goodreads and my (short) thoughts on the book. If you’d like a longer review of any of the books I read this month, feel free to request it!

The Innocence Treatment by Ari Goelman - ⭐⭐⭐

Lauren has a disorder that makes her believe everything her friends tell her--and she believes everyone is her friend. Her innocence puts her at constant risk, so when she gets the opportunity to have an operation to correct her condition, she seizes it. But after the surgery, Lauren is changed. Is she a paranoid lunatic with violent tendencies? Or a clear-eyed observer of the world who does what needs to be done?

Told in journal entries and therapy session transcripts, The Innocence Treatment is a collection of Lauren's papers, annotated by her sister long after the events of the novel. A compelling YA debut thriller that is part speculative fiction and part shocking tell-all of genetic engineering and government secrets, Lauren's story is ultimately an electrifying, propulsive, and spine-tingling read.

 Nothing I found particularly impressive… it had potential but didn’t quite meet it.

 The Memory Book by Lara Avery - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

 Sammie was always a girl with a plan: graduate at the top of her class and get out of her small town as soon as humanly possible. Nothing will stand in her way--not even a rare genetic disorder the doctors say will slowly start to steal her memories and then her health. What she needs is a new plan.

So the Memory Book is born: Sammie's notes to her future self, a document of moments great and small. It's where she'll record every perfect detail of her first date with longtime crush, Stuart--a brilliant young writer who is home for the summer. And where she'll admit how much she's missed her childhood best friend, Cooper, and even take some of the blame for the fight that ended their friendship.

Through a mix of heartfelt journal entries, mementos, and guest posts from friends and family, readers will fall in love with Sammie, a brave and remarkable girl who learns to live and love life fully, even though it's not the life she planned.

 I am shocked. I never expected to like a contemporary this much... especially "sick-lit" or whatever people are calling it. Maybe it was because I found a lot of what Sammie said to be so relatable, or maybe because NPC is exactly the type of disease I'd like to research in my future. Maybe it's because one of my greatest fears is getting dementia and losing my memory.

Whatever it was, I hope I can find it again in another book.

 Vox by Christina Dalcher - ⭐⭐

 Set in an America where half the population has been silenced, VOX is the harrowing, unforgettable story of what one woman will do to protect herself and her daughter.

On the day the government decrees that women are no longer allowed more than 100 words daily, Dr. Jean McClellan is in denial—this can't happen here. Not in America. Not to her.

This is just the beginning.

Soon women can no longer hold jobs. Girls are no longer taught to read or write. Females no longer have a voice. Before, the average person spoke sixteen thousand words a day, but now women only have one hundred to make themselves heard.

But this is not the end.

For herself, her daughter, and every woman silenced, Jean will reclaim her voice

 Uh, yeah, not impressed. Disappointed. Annoyed. It felt like Dalcher was trying too hard and was clearly ridding on the coattails of The Handmaid’s Tale’s recent re-emergence.

Also, the narrator on the audiobook and pronounce Wernicke’s area which just grated on my nerves and honestly pissed me off.

 First We Were IV by Alexandra Sirowy - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

 It started for pranks, fun, and forever memories.

A secret society – for the four of us.

The rules: Never lie. Never tell. Love each other.

We made the pledge and danced under the blood moon on the meteorite in the orchard. In the spot we found the dead girl five years earlier. And discovered the ancient drawings way before that.

Nothing could break the four of us apart – I thought.

But then, others wanted in. Our seaside town had secrets. History.

We wanted revenge.

We broke the rules. We lied. We told. We loved each other too much, not enough, and in ways we weren’t supposed to.

Our invention ratcheted out of control.

What started as a secret society, ended as justice. Revenge. Death. Rebellion.

 Wooooowwwww... I am starting off this year with some pretty good reads. Granted, I read probably 3/4 of this one in emerge on my birthday after having twisted my knee skiing the day before...

This book didn't take the path I thought it would. It just felt like the climax and conclusion occurred in the same paragraph? I don't know maybe that's just me...

I'd love to see this as a TV show (maybe Netflix since they tend to do a rocking job).

 Day 21 by Cass Morgan - ⭐⭐⭐

 It's been 21 days since the hundred landed on Earth. They're the only humans to set foot on the planet in centuries...or so they thought. Facing an unknown enemy, Wells attempts to keep the group together. Clarke strikes out for Mount Weather, in search of other Colonists, while Bellamy is determined to rescue his sister, no matter the cost. And back on the ship, Glass faces an unthinkable choice between the love of her life and life itself.

In this pulse-pounding sequel to Kass Morgan's The 100, secrets are revealed, beliefs are challenged, and relationships are tested. And the hundred will struggle to survive the only way they can -- together.

 I still much prefer the Netflix adaptation. Although I enjoy this recovering from an apocalyptic event storyline the books take, I find that they lack the action that I love so much in the show… not to mention that my favourite characters don’t exist.

 52 Reasons to Hate My Father by Jessica Brody - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

 Lexington Larrabee has never to work a day in her life. After all, she’s the heiress to the multi-billion-dollar Larrabee Media empire. And heiresses are not supposed to work. But then again, they’re not supposed to crash brand new Mercedes convertibles into convenience stores on Sunset Blvd either.

Which is why, on Lexi’s eighteen birthday, her ever-absent, tycoon father decides to take a more proactive approach to her wayward life. Every week for the next year, she will have to take on a different low-wage job if she ever wants to receive her beloved trust fund. But if there’s anything worse than working as a maid, a dishwasher, and a fast-food restaurant employee, it’s dealing with Luke, the arrogant, albeit moderately attractive, college intern her father has assigned to keep tabs on her.

In a hilarious “comedy of heiress” about family, forgiveness, good intentions, and best of all, second chances, Lexi learns that love can be unconditional, money can be immaterial, and, regardless of age, everyone needs a little saving. And although she might have 52 reasons to hate her father, she only needs one reason to love him.

 Be prepared for a spoiled, bratty, unlikable main character. If you can’t stand characters like this, then I suggest avoiding this read, especially since we are trapped in her head (1st person narration) for the duration of the book. However, Lexi does have a great character arc, so if you are able to tolerate her for the first half of the book, you’ll actually start to like her.

Another contemporary I really enjoyed… not sure if this is because I’m not as picky when it comes to my favourite and least favourite genres anymore, but then again it my just be that I stumbled across two contemporaries that suited my fancy this month.

 The Loneliest Girl in the Universe by Lauren James - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

 Romy Silvers is the only surviving crew-member of a spaceship travelling to a new planet, on a mission to establish a second home for humanity amongst the stars. Alone in space, she is the loneliest girl in the universe until she hears about a new ship which has launched from Earth – with a single passenger on board. A boy called J.

Their only communication with each other is via email – and due to the distance between them, their messages take months to transmit across space. And yet Romy finds herself falling in love.

But what does Romy really know about J? And what do the mysterious messages which have started arriving from Earth really mean?

Sometimes, there’s something worse than being alone . . .

 Okay. First of all, the UK paperback cover is gorgeous. This would have one hundred percent been a cover buy if the synopsis hadn’t also intrigued me.

I went in thinking that it would be a space-based romance, but boy was I wrong. And good thing too. I’m not a huge fan of romance (more like I tolerate it for a good plot), and this book did not focus of the blooming romance as much as I thought it would.

Space, suspense, beautiful cover? Sign me up!

 Crash by Lisa McMann - ⭐⭐⭐

 Jules lives with her family above their restaurant, which means she smells like pizza most of the time and drives their double-meatball-shaped food truck to school. It’s not a recipe for popularity, but she can handle that.

What she can’t handle is the recurring vision that haunts her. Over and over, Jules sees a careening truck hit a building and explode...and nine body bags in the snow.

The vision is everywhere—on billboards, television screens, windows—and she’s the only one who sees it. And the more she sees it, the more she sees. The vision is giving her clues, and soon Jules knows what she has to do. Because now she can see the face in one of the body bags, and it’s someone she knows. Someone she has been in love with for as long as she can remember.

In this riveting start to a gripping trilogy from New York Times bestselling author Lisa McMann, Jules has to act—and act fast—to keep her vision from becoming reality.

 Not bad but not amazing either. It’s your typical psychic teen struggling with her newly found gifts and trying to prevent a tragedy. I’ll continue on with the trilogy since I have the bind up, they’re quick reads, and they’re a good distraction from my stressful studies… so basically just what I need.

 Bang by Lisa McMann - ⭐⭐⭐

 Jules should be happy. She saved a lot of people’s lives and she’s finally with Sawyer, pretty much the guy of her dreams. But the nightmare’s not over, because she somehow managed to pass the psycho vision stuff to Sawyer. Excellent.

Feeling responsible for what he’s going through and knowing that people’s lives are at stake, Jules is determined to help him figure it all out. But Sawyer’s vision is so awful he can barely describe it, much less make sense of it. All he can tell her is there’s a gun, and eleven ear-splitting shots. Bang.

Jules and Sawyer have to work out the details fast, because the visions are getting worse and that means only one thing: time is running out. But every clue they see takes them down the wrong path. If they can’t prevent the vision from happening, lives will be lost. And they may be among the casualties…

 This second book in the Visions series took an interesting turn on the whole psychic thing, but a lot of the book was spent going back and forth between “No I don’t want to do this” to “Yes I’m in” and “No I don’t want to help” to, again… “Yes I’m in” which was kind of a drag.

 Number of Pages Read: 3438

Average Rating: 3.5

Favourite Book of the Month: The Loneliest Girl in the Universe by Lauren James

The cover, the space adventure, the thriller-type aspect to the plot… everything I love all in one.

Least Favourite Book of the Month: Vox by Christina Dalcher

I was just… really disappointed.

  Keep up with me on Goodreads!  (https://www.goodreads.com/LaniakeaBooks)

#books #ya books #book #YA book #book review #book reviews #goodreads #booklr #bookstagram

[1111ljk]

Request: Name

 Anon Request #1: 6/8/17 

two-shot.

count  ➵ 1,403 words

genre  ➵ angst, fluff, a lil comedy, [WARNING: some cursing in there]

theme ➵  bestfriend!jungkook

characters  ➵ jungkook, you

PART 2

PART 1/2

   Jeon Jungkook. It was a name so familiar to your lips that saying it would be no different to breathing air. It was a name you found comfort in, a name you called at times of trouble, misery, despair, happiness, and all sorts of things. It was also a name you screech at the top of your lungs at seven in the morning at a bus stop. 

   “Jeon, do you even use your new phone for the right reasons?” you hissed, fingers crumpling the collar of his blazer as soon as he was in your reach. You drag him up to the bus, scanning both of your cards (which you kept at all times because Jungkook, that darned boy, could never remember to bring his own shit).

   “Duh,” he answered matter-of-factly, panting as he uses your shoulder for support. “Gotta catch all them Pokemons!”

   You rolled your eyes at his statement, about to head to your usual spot until you felt yourself slightly pushed to the side. He beats you to the window seat this time, focusing his attention on Seoul’s lovely morning sight. Meanwhile, you stood with your arms crossed, a foot tapping against the soft floor of the bus. “Excuse me?”

   Jungkook looks up to you, eyes fluttering as he innocently hums a ‘hm?’.

   “That is my spot.”

   The boy blinks, turning his head to check the headrest. “Don’t see your name written on it.”

    Jeon Jungkook, you almost forgot, was a name that irritated you as much as it comforted you. But instead of arguing for it, you grumpily took a seat next to him, hugging your bag in annoyance. He chuckles in return, a breathy light-hearted one, as he slung his arm around your shoulders. It gave you a good view of him as he focused back on the scenery.

   You never really noticed how good-looking Jungkook really was. That was an understatement. Jungkook was a total definition of a man. He had a jawline that even guys would fawn over, veins in the right place that girls would gladly count(creepy thought though), and big sparkly eyes that you would give in to any time you fought. Jungkook was breathtaking.

   Jeon Jungkook was more than just a name to you. It was more than just a popular example at college that girls threw around when asked about their ideal type. 

   It was the name tag you first read in fifth grade after a couple of guys picked on your for your quirky pigtails. The owner being a chubby classmate of yours who helped you up and told you your pigtails were cute after he pulled both of them and ran. You cried, yes, but he scared away anyone else who made you cry, claiming only he had the right to do so. 

   It was your playdate in sixth grade that your mother had endlessly and excitedly talked about the previous night. You were definitely surprised to see him on the playground with his mom. There was an awkward silence for the first few minutes, until he spoke what you’ve been holding back to say. ‘Aren’t we too old for playdates?’

   It was your first girl friend’s crush and a name she later on hated. Jungkook was notorious in his younger days for being such a heartbreaker. Unfortunately, you were his bestfriend and the target of stickly thin, baby-faced eighth grader girls’ hatred. It was alright. He promised to buy you pancakes every morning.

   It was the caller ID you see every day after school in the ninth grade and up until now. It was ddukbokki on Mondays, kimbap on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and ramen on Thursdays and Fridays.

   It was a name you grew to love and hate at the same time. Jungkook was your bestfriend, your other half, basically your family. It was a name that was like air to you, you were so used to it - yet why did your heart suddenly decide it was okay to skip a beat?

   It had been weeks since you felt that first thump in your heart. Every day, you started to understand why Jungkook was so appealing to the rest of the female population. Sure you knew he had a very nice face, you knew he wasn’t particularly good at books and papers, but he was the star of each and every sports team there was at your institution. Of course, you knew that if he gave enough interest, he would be the class genius as well. Jungkook was a modern prince - courageous, attractive as hell, and most importantly, he was so kind. At least to you. It scared you. It scared you how the reasons were getting clearer and clearer.

   Jungkook always sits next to you whenever a chance is given. Today was one of those days. He slides ever so smoothly to your right poking your cheek as you chugged a glass of milk. “Whatcha doin’, ugly?”

   You roll your eyes, an instinctive response at whatever he says. “What do you want?”

   He let out an overly-dramatic, high-pitched, K-drama laugh. “Watch a movie with me,” he whined.

   “Don’t I always? Like, every Friday?” you raised an eyebrow.

   Jungkook grins, suddenly pouting and poking his index fingers at each other, before clinging at your arm. “I wuv you.”

   Normally, you’d wince, throw something at his face. You’d be repelled by his ugly cutesy act. But there it was again, that thump. Then another, and then it got to the point where your heart was a beating mess. Fuck, you thought.

   He looks up at you, smirking smugly. “Are you blushing?” he coos. “Cute.”

   Then your heart was on overdrive.

   Days had passed since then and now you were at his house, in the lousiest outfit you have ever put together, not really minding it since it was only Jungkook who’d seen you this way. You let yourself feel comfortable on his bed, which was almost like a second bed to you anyways. 

   Waiting for him to come back, you decided to set up the movie on his laptop. To your surprise, he had a password. It was strange. Jungkook was a careless and reckless man. He had no time for such things as passwords. Hell, he’d probably forget his own password. You shrugged it off anyways. You had no idea what his password would be though, but you tried anyways. 

   ironman97

   Wrong.

   ironman

   Wrong.

   You searched through all the possibilities in your head. Jungkook may have put a password but you were sure it was nothing complicated. After all these years, the one thing you really learned about him was that he was not a man who was into complication.

   leejieun97

   Correct.

   What an idiot, you thought. An idiot fanboy. Of course, his love for IU never ceases. You roll your eyes and waited for it to load. He left his Facebook page open and your heart crumbled a little. Everything was the same as you had always seen except for that open chat box beside yours. Jungkook was seeing someone?

   A gasp snapped you out of your ten second misery and, in your panic, you minimized the browser.

   “How did you know my password?” he breathed out, placing a hand over his mouth. 

   “Well, genius, leejieun97?”

   He blushed and threw a chocolate bar at you. “Shut up! IU gives me life.”

   He jumps into the bed, an awkward silence filled you both as you stared at the desktop view. You could feel a tense aura. 

   “So, you saw, huh?” he finally spoke up.

   It took you a second to answer. “Yeah.”

   “I was gonna tell you, I swear,” he tries to apologize, hugging you from behind. You didn’t see why he needed to. It was his life after all.

   You let out a half-hearted chuckle.” Congrats, loser, your ugly ass finally got a girlfriend.”

   “Um, sweetheart, this,” he points to his face. “...is almost as good as your Hyungsik.”

   You blinked. “Okay, coconut head ass lookin bitch.”

   “Excuuuuuuse me?!” he bellowed as he pounced on you to tickle you.

    That was the first time you felt uncomfortable being in the same room with him. For some reason, you wanted to go home, stay in bed all day. You didn’t understand why you hated it, but through out the thrilling scenes of Iron Man where Jungkook gleefully cheered for his favorite superhero, you realized.

   You liked him.

A/N: THIS TOOK SO LONG SOMEONEKILL ME. I FORGOT TO EDIT AND PUBLISH IT. IVE HAD THIS IN MY DRAFTS FOR MONTHS LKFJGLKFD.

#jjk #jjk: fanfic #jjk: request #jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts #bangtan boys #jungkook oneshot #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jeongguk #jeon jeongguk #angst #kpop #kpop fanfic #kim seokjin #seokjin #jin #bangtan sonyeondan #beyond the scene #min yoongi #yoongi #suga #min suga #jhope #jung hoseok #hoseok #park jimin #name; #req;

[fitnesshealthyoga-blog]

New Post has been published on https://fitnesshealthyoga.com/its-a-fentanyl-crisis-stupid-national-pain-report/

It’s a Fentanyl Crisis, Stupid! – National Pain Report

By Kaatje “Gotcha” van der Gaarden, PA-C, MPAS. 

Editor’s Note: This story was originally published on Dec 17, 2018 on Medium Health.

Featured Image: TEDxABQ 2018 “A Working Parachute: spinal cord injuries, ketamine & comedy” which turned into a 9 min stand-up set! Photo credit Allen Winston Photography

In 2012, life was great: I proudly wore a white coat with a stethoscope around my neck and finally felt useful to humanity. Two decades earlier, as a stuntwoman, my parachute did not quite open, and I landed on my sacrum (tailbone) at 70 mph, crushing the sacral nerves. I had lost two inches of my spine, fractured several vertabrae, and would spend a year in ICU, hospitals, and a spinal cord clinic. I was left with traumatic cauda equina syndrome,¹ suffered from residual pain, and was left with a “sitting disability.” For my atrophied lower leg and foot muscles, I used leg braces, a cane or scooter and I sat on a padded office chair. I’ve schlepped pillows and camping mats with me ever since my skydiving accident. Frequently, lying down for a few minutes was the only way to deal with my disability.

Kaatje “Gotcha” van der Gaarden

As a Physician Assistant in primary care, I loved my job and providing a true provider-patient collaboration. I had ample opportunity to prescribe opioid medications. Responsibly, of course. In my toolbox, I had excellent interview skills, the State’s Prescription Monitoring Program (PMP), and a urine test. The PMP would let me know me if patients were doctor or pharmacy shopping, although it couldn’t take into account other states. A urinalysis would tell me if the patient was taking the opioids as prescribed, or diverting, or using other, illegal drugs, or medications that were not prescribed. Heck yeah, I even had my patients sign an Opioid Use Contract.

One patient’s husband worked for the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA), and he told me one that opioids went for about 70 cents per milligram on the street, in 2012. However, I never assumed someone was gaming the system and tried to keep an open mind. Some patients did want me to refill their emergency room (ER) hydrocodone prescription, for complaints like a mildly strained knee. At that point, I would print out knee exercises instead. I always tried to understand my patients’ emotional and physical health and encouraged exercise and healthy habits (even if most days, I couldn’t prepare food so I ate LAY’S® Limón Potato Chips and gummi worms).

Another patient had just moved from Arizona, with a history of using 30 mg of MS-Contin, a long-acting morphine tablet, three times a day, plus another opioid, Percocet 10 mg instant relief (IR), one tablet every four to six hours for breakthrough pain. The patient was full-time employed, doing fairly intense labor, and was incensed when I wanted evidence of his “bad back.” The patient did not bring any records during his first visit, but he later returned with a lengthy health record — his pain deriving from five back surgeries, three of them revisions for the original surgeries.

I had never heard of “ultra-rapid” or “slow” opioid metabolizers² which affect adequate treatment, and still believed the Center for Disease Control (CDC) had society’s best interest at heart. The opioid crisis seemed far away, and I believed that did not affect my patients, or myself. Mistakenly, I thought there hardly would have been an “opioid epidemic” had medical providers only accompanied any opioid prescription with this warning: “Use your IR (instand relief) opioid medication when you truly have breakthrough pain, a 7–8 or higher, or it will no longer be as effective.”

Perhaps. But complicating matters was that opioid medications did seem to be prescribed for relatively mild to moderate pain, or in situations where acute pain would soon resolve. For example, to my patient with that strained knee, seen in a Colorado ER. In 1991, I’d fractured my lower leg above the ankle, after a car stunt gone awry, and wasn’t prescribed any opioid medication. The ER doc in Florida who applied the hot pink cast, from my toes to my knee, pointed me to a Walgreens to buy Tylenol (acetaminophen) for the simple, uncomplicated fracture.

Although I was in tremendous pain myself from the sky diving accident and crushed sacral nerves, I denied suffering from intractable pain. Yet I was battling worsening neuropathic (nerve) pain, as well as residual musculoskeletal pain from the sacral and vertebral fractures, on a daily basis. I made it through each workday by lying down on the exam table during lunch. Work gave me great happiness, but physically I had no energy left to cook, maintain friendships or even have a hobby.

That year I recall having to do five mandatory continuing medical education credits by the State on “responsible opioid prescribing.” This seemed ludicrous since I always looked at the PMP before going into the exam room. Especially with a patient that was on medications that fell under the Controlled Substances Act.³ As a non-contract employee, I also paid my own DEA license at $780 every three years for the privilege of writing controlled substance prescriptions. I was ticked off with the cost, but also with what I perceived as government encroachment on my medical decision making.

Sure enough, over the years, after the CDC Opioid Guidelines came out (which are voluntary, and not legally binding), I began to realize that there is no true opioid epidemic. There’s an epidemic alright, of people taking opioids with multiple medications and then adding alcohol and other illegal drugs on top. What we most certainly have is an alcohol epidemic, with 88,000 deaths⁴ annually, and this epidemic is starting to effect millennials. I blame those hipster beers with ridiculously high alcohol percentages, as millennials are dying of liver cirrhosis in record-breaking numbers.

Despite the ongoing alcohol epidemic, from 2012 to 2016, using opioid medication became synonymous with being a “drug seeker.” The “opioid crisis” narrative was perpetuated and fueled by mainstream media, whose culpability lies in using labels like “opioid overdose deaths” instead of the more appropriate “mixed drug intoxication.” True opioid deaths (opioid medications alone) range around five thousand deaths annually, according to Josh Bloom, writing for the American Council on Science and Health.⁵ New York City’s medical examiner’s office is unsurpassed when it comes to accurately determining cause of death: in 2016, 71 percent of all drug-related deaths involved heroin and/or fentanyl.⁶

Looking at the numbers, most of the so-called “opioid deaths” seemed to be people who did not take their medication as instructed, if opioids were legally prescribed in the first place. Seriously, because who cooks their Fentanyl patch and injects it? Not chronic pain patients, who need slowly titrated medication to bathe, cook, work, take care of kids, or go to school. Patients were indeed dying from respiratory depression, caused by taking legal or illegal opiates. But how many of those deaths are suicides? If patients with severe pain, on a stable regimen, are denied access, they may turn to suicide, or illegal opioids like heroin, now tainted by illegal fentanyl. That is not an opioid crisis, but another iatrogenic consequence of the “guidelines.” The Law of Unintended Consequences never fails.

How was it that the CDC took advice from an anti-opioid advocacy group, Physicians for Responsible Opioid Prescribing (PROP)⁸ in constructing the Opioid Guidelines? PROP had lobbied Federal officials and the FDA for years, to change opioid labels. When they were (mostly) rebutted, PROP got involved with the CDC, behind closed doors. The Washington Legal Foundation⁷ notified the CDC in 2015, as in their opinion, the CDC broke the 1972 Federal Advisory Committee Act (FACA) law. Washington Legal Foundation states that a Core Expert Group, advising the CDC, conducted their “research” and “Draft for Opioid Guidelines” in secret, without input from pain experts, pharmocologists, or patient groups.

Dr. Jane Ballantyne (current PROP President) was part of that Core Expert Group and is notorious for her anti-opioid stance. Another Core Expert Group member is PROP executive director, and founder, Dr. Andrew Kolodny, who refers to opiate medication as “heroin” pills and proclaimed that “oxycodone and heroin have indistinguishable effects.”⁹ Yet you oughtn’t compare a 5 mg tablet of oxycodone to IV heroin, without qualifiers on potency. Dr. Kolodny, an addiction expert, doesn’t even distinguish between “plain” heroin, and heroin cut with fentanyl, which is 100 times stronger than morphine. About 80 percent of fatal overdoses are now due to illegal fentanyl. By muddying the issues of opioid dependence, opioid addiction, and heroin use with either false or incomplete statements, PROP also does a disservice to people who are addicted to heroin or illegal fentanyl.

Research has found that 75% of heroin addicts have a mental health illness, and 50% have trauma from (sexual) abuse before age 16, something that gets drowned in Dr. Ballantyne’s simplified narrative of “continuous or increasing doses of opioids [… ] can worsen a person’s ability to function and his or her quality of life. It may also lead to opioid abuse, addiction, or even death.”¹⁰ Like many others, I argue that (illegal) fentanyl, and indirectly, profound loss of hope, is the main driver behind the current “mixed use overdose” deaths.

Dr. Kolodny was Chief Medical Officer of The Phoenix House, an addiction center, at the time he helped draft the CDC Guidelines. PROP also avoids mentioning the Millennium saliva,¹¹ or other DNA tests, to identify how individual patients metabolize opiate medication and that some are “ultrafast” metabolizers. PROP fails to mention opioid blood concentration measurements, no matter how imperfect.¹² However, no one doubts the conflict of interest: PROP Board members are involved with grants from the CDC, addiction centers, medical device companies to develop an opioid tapering mechanism, and even consulted with law firms investigating lawsuits against opiate pharmaceutical companies.

PROP was originally funded by Phoenix House, one of many addiction centers that prescribes buprenorphine. PROP is currently funded by the Steve Rummler HOPE Network,¹³ another anti-opioid group that lists Dr. Ballantyne and Dr. Kolodny on the medical advisory committee. Dr. Kolodny admitted in a 2013 New York Times article titled “Addiction Treatment with a Dark Side” that as a New York City Health official, he lobbied on behalf of the buprenorphine pharmaceutical industry. He was quoted as saying, “We had New York City staff out there acting like drug reps [with $10,000 incentives -KG].”¹⁴

Buprenorphine was the supposed miracle drug after methadone, but its known side effects include serious diversion, addiction, and possibly, lifelong treatment. Dr. Kolodny publicly promoted buprenorphine in various media outlets, despite evidence of buprenorphine overprescribing, pill mills, and overdoses. The true scale is not known, as most ERs and medical examiners do not test for the presence of buprenorphine. The CDC does not track buprenorphine deaths, despite a 2013 study¹⁵ that found a tenfold increase in buprenorphine-related ED visits, according to the Federally funded Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). As “bupe” availability increased, so did diversion and overdose deaths.

Interestingly, that Dr. Kolodny promotes the idea that heroin and opioid medications are the same molecular compound. Actually, buprenorphine has a molecular profile¹⁶ that more closely resembles heroin, than hydrocodone. Dr. Kolodny indirectly claims that CDC “Guidelines” are effective, when the truth is that by the time PROP advised the CDC, prescriptions had already tapered off. This is evidenced in his statement as chief medical officer from a Phoenix House Q&A,¹⁷ dated December 2015: “It will take some time, but we’re already beginning to see a plateau in opioid prescribing.” Dr. Kolodny appears to take credit for a trend that had nothing to do with PROP, and he omits the fact that prescriptions are down since 2011, and yet overdoses are up.

Mainstream media occasionally, and accidentally, reveals the truth. CNN¹⁸ in 2018: “Fentanyl-related deaths double in six months; US government takes some action.” Then again, the echo of Dr. Kolodny’s statements, as reported by CNN: “The recent rise in popularity of these synthetics has been called the third wave of the opioid epidemic; the first wave was attributed to the overprescribing of painkillers like oxycodone and hydrocodone and the second to heroin. The drugs are all chemically similar and act on the same receptors in the brain.” Again, not one word about potency.

Few realize that when the CDC issued the Opioid Guidelines in 2016, there was inadequate research done ahead of time to determine the true cause of the rise in opioid-related deaths. There are no long-term studies on the effects of chronic opiate therapy. Very few, if any, pain management experts or pharmacologists were consulted to determine potential impacts on their practice. Neither veterans nor chronic pain patients were given a true opportunity to issue public comments to the CDC or any other Federal authority prior to the implementation of these new prescribing mandates. The CDC ended up targeting one of the most vulnerable groups, patients with intractable pain.

The CDC’s Guidelines also affect patients with cancer and patients who no longer receive cancer treatment because, unfortunately, both groups report similar pain levels. The guidelines allow the use of opioids during cancer treatment, but they are confusing when it comes to equally severe, post-cancer treatment pain. I fear this “opioid” crisis is far from over, and yet, trust me, this will go down as “reefer madness” in another hundred years. It is a manufactured tragedy that does real harm to patients with intractable pain. The “opioid” crisis also hurts human beings who suffer from heroin, opioids or other addictions by siphoning money, goodwill, and energy.

Few people realize that the CDC hired a PR agency to help sell the American people myths on the “opioid epidemic.” The agency, PRR, designed graphics to “educate” primary care providers that “one in four patients on opioids will develop addiction.” Even the National Institute of Health,¹⁹ another federal entity, estimates this to be 5 percent, not 25 percent. Another research team²⁰ concluded in Pain Medicine that opioid therapy for chronic pain patients (note: in absence of prior or current drug abuse) resulted in a 0.19 percent incidence of abuse.

The language used by the media as well as PROP contributes to misunderstanding; using words like addiction, tolerance, dependence, abuse or opioid use disorder as if they mean the same, directs the casual observer to bias. It’s clear that PROP never was an independent, neutral entity advising the CDC, yet they ended up dictating federal policy, based on flawed evidence. Dr. Ballantyne, Dr. Franklin, and Dr. Kolodny in Politico.com²¹ in March 2018: “We agree with Satel that the answer is not to force millions of chronic pain patients to rapidly taper off medications they are now dependent on (Italics mine). But then, neither is the answer to absolve overprescribing for pain.”

I’m not a linguist, but in that essay, PROP uses the word “addiction/addicted” 16 times, and “dependence” twice. The CDC could have ensured that patients with severe to intractable pain (no such distinction is made) would not lose access to their medications. And yet, that is exactly what happened. Stable patients on long-term opioids were tapered against their will, as the CDC “Guidelines” state it is undesirable to titrate above or equal to 90 morphine milligram equivalent²² daily (aka MME/day). But this was meant for opioid-naive patients, not those on long-term opiate therapy. Primary care providers, who were forced to follow these “Guidelines,” either stopped prescribing opioids altogether or forced patients to rapidly taper to below 90 MME.

Dr. Ballantyne is correct in her remarks that it isn’t realistic to expect zero pain levels, especially for acute pain that is expected to resolve quickly, like a sprain or an uncomplicated fracture. But people with severe to intractable pain are condemned to a world of suffering. Recall my patient with the five back surgeries? I wonder about him. He was working full time, on 180 MME a day, but in his mid-fifties, arthritis would worsen soon. My own story did not end well; I ended up with yet another spinal cord lesion, a benign hemangioma at chest level, which causes “central neuropathic pain syndrome.” My old cauda equina syndrome morphed into “severe, chronic adhesive arachnoiditis.” This is an incurable, intractable, progressive neuroinflammatory disorder whose pain is considered on par with having terminal cancer pain. Still, I try to make the best of it, see my essay, On Being Bedbound.

The CDC and PROP came for me: after using opioids exactly as prescribed, and less than 30 MME daily, my primary care clinic was forced to stop my opioid prescription, and that of all patients. I was not accepted in any pain management clinic, in an urban area of almost one million. Pain clinics here no longer provide “medical management,” yet perform epidural steroid injections ($3000 a pop), which may have contributed to, or worsened my adhesive arachnoiditis syndrome. I’m lucky to live in an urban area, where the academic hospital’s pain team took over my prescription.

But what about elderly and impoverished patients, or those in rural areas? PROP and the CDC claim primary care providers “overprescribe” and are responsible for most of the opioid prescriptions. But they fail to publicly acknowledge that pain management clinics no longer accept patients. This epidemic of undertreated patients will become known as one of the cruelest moves by a Federal agency on an already compromised population. I do feel for teenagers and adults who become addicted. Yet there ought to be a different, more sensible approach towards legitimate, chronic pain patients who need opioid medications, as well as people who develop a substance use disorder, who deserve our help and sympathy.

It is a conundrum of extraordinary proportions. At a time when managed care and Electronic Health Records dictate the length and quality of an office visit, there is less and less time to sit down and connect with a patient. Not just with chronic pain patients. Medicine and society would benefit greatly from the extra time clinicians deserve, to encourage exercise, eat healthier, lose weight, stop smoking and assess if a patient needs other support, like therapy.

In my opinion, it is loneliness, the feeling of not being connected to humanity in a meaningful way, combined with economic hardship, that leads to unhealthy lifestyle choices, as witnessed by the Rustbelt being hit hardest. Research shows that rats who were offered spring water or water laced with heroin, choose heroin. When those same rats were given ample toys, space, and other rats to play and have sex with, they did not choose the heroin laced water. That’s right, happy rats don’t need no heroin!

It cannot be denied that in previous decades, pain was both undertreated, and opioid medications prescribed for relatively minor, self-resolving aches and pains. Forget for a moment, the narrative that places blame on overprescribing, the opioid manufacturers, or the pharmaceutical distributors that, for example, flooded impoverished communities like those in West Virginia.²³ Forget all that, and focus on what is going on. Ultimately, patients with intractable pain pay the price of ignorance by scientists, journalists, politicians, and laypeople alike.

For this humanitarian crisis, there are no perfect answers. For example, as Red Lawhern, Ph.D. and prominent pain advocate²⁴ recently communicated with me (12/3/2018): “there is promise in genetic testing but hasn’t yet been fully reduced to routine practice and may not be covered by insurance.” Luckily my DNA testing was covered, on the condition it tested for depression. I also discovered that ketamine infusions help me most, but will leave that topic for my upcoming book, The Queen of Ketamine. Sadly, amidst the opioid paranoia, non-invasive alternatives like ketamine infusions aren’t mentioned for neuropathic or intractable backpain, which often has a neuropathic component. Research also shows that adding an anti-seizure medication to an opiate mediation provides better neuropathic pain contral, with less morphine²⁵.

In the end, I don’t think Tai Chi, Tylenol and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is going to cut it for meningeal inflammation or other (neuropathic) pain syndromes. I believe the tide is turning. It will take time, and in that time, patients with intractable pain will choose to end their lives. But we are not alone, and it helps to know that courageous voices, notably the Alliance for Treatment of Intractable Pain, are speaking up for us. The print and online magazine Reason²⁶ has long been a voice of, well, reason. As Red Lawhern stated in a must-listen November 2018 radio interview,²⁷ “We must address underemployment, socioeconomic despair and hopelessness which are a vector for addiction. And end the War on Pain patients.”

Love, Kaatje

Kaatje Gotcha, model and stuntwoman-turned-Physician Assistant, found comedy, writing and advocacy after developing Adhesive Arachnoiditis. This spinal cord disease causes intractable neuropathic pain and leaves her mostly bedridden. Prior to that diagnosis, she’d survived a nighttime skydiving accident, landing at 70 mph. This caused Cauda Equina Syndrome; a subsequent lumbar puncture and epidural steroidal injections may have exacerbated her previous injuries.

Kaatje’s courageous spirit led to writing “The Queen of Ketamine,” available on Kindle in February. This is a comedic yet pragmatic memoir  on adhesive arachnoiditis, the opioid “epidemic,” neuropathic pain, dating with a disability, while offering hope and practical advice. Kaatje’s 2018 TEDx talk and book publication will be posted on her Facebook page, at www.kaatjegotcha.com and Instagram @kaatjegotchacomedy. Find her essays on Medium, and follow her on twitter.

Cauda Equina Syndrome https://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1148690-overview

Opioid Metabolism https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/771480

Controlled Substance Act https://www.dea.gov/controlled-substances-act

Alcohol Epidemic https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohol-health/overview-alcohol-consumption/alcohol-facts-and-statistics

Opioid Epidemic Deception https://www.acsh.org/news/2017/10/12/opioid-epidemic-6-charts-designed-deceive-you-11935

Overdose Deaths by Heroin/Fentanyl 71percent https://www1.nyc.gov/assets/doh/downloads/pdf/epi/databrief89.pdf

Washington Legal Foundation and PROP https://www.forbes.com/sites/wlf/2015/12/15/cdc-bows-to-demands-for-transparency-and-public-input-on-draft-opioid-prescribing-guidelines/#c82eda135bc3

Physicians for Responsible Opioid Prescribing http://www.supportprop.org/

Dr Kolodny refers to “Heroin” Pills https://www.healthline.com/health-news/secondary-drug-industry-booming-amid-opioid-epidemic#2

Dr Ballantyne’s Narrative https://www.statnews.com/2015/11/30/chronic-pain-intensity-scale/

Millennium Opioid Metabolite DNA Test https://www.millenniumhealth.com/services/test-offerings/

Opioid Serum Measurements http://paindr.com/serum-opioid-monitoring-wheres-the-evidence/

Medical Advisory Committee https://steverummlerhopenetwork.org/our-team/

NYT: Addiction Treatment with a Dark Side https://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/17/health/in-demand-in-clinics-and-on-the-street-bupe-can-be-savior-or-menace.html

Sharp Rise in Buprenorphine ER Visits https://www.samhsa.gov/data/sites/default/files/DAWN106/DAWN106/sr106-buprenorphine.htm

Heroin and Buprenorphine Molecular Profile http://paindr.com/heroin-hydrocodone-buprenorphine-prop-aganda/#comment-334500]

Q&A with Dr. Kolodny, Phoenix House https://www.kolmac.com/2015/12/qa-dr-andrew-kolodny-chief-medical-officer-phoenix-house/

Fentanyl, as Reported by CNN https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/12/health/fentanyl-opioid-deaths/index.html

NIH Estimates Pain Patient “Addiction” 5 Percent https://medlineplus.gov/magazine/issues/spring11/articles/spring11pg9.html

Pain Patient “Opioid Use Disorder” without Risk Factors 0.19 percent https://academic.oup.com/painmedicine/article/9/4/444/1824073

Rebuttal by Dr. Kolodny and Dr. Ballantyne https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2018/03/13/opioid-overprescribing-is-not-a-myth-217338

Morphine Equivalent Dosing https://www.wolterskluwercdi.com/sites/default/files/documents/ebooks/morphine-equivalent-dosing-ebook.pdf?v3

https://www.wvgazettemail.com/news/cops_and_courts/drug-firms-poured-m-painkillers-into-wv-amid-rise-of/article_99026dad-8ed5-5075-90fa-adb906a36214.html

Red Lawhern, PhD and nationally known Pain Patient Advocate http://face-facts.org/lawhern/

Combining epilepsy drug, morphine can result in less pain, lower opioid dose. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/09/140915153613.htm

Jacob Sullum, Reason journalist and syndicated writer https://reason.com/archives/2018/03/08/americas-war-on-pain-pills-is#comment

“Unleashed” Matt Connarton Interviews Red Lawhern 11/28/18 https://www.spreaker.com/user/ipmnation/matt-connarton-unleashed-11-28-18

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Here’s why The CW’s ‘Riverdale’ isn’t just ‘Dark Archie’

Pictured (L-R): KJ Apa as Archie, Camila Mendes as Veronica and Lili Reinhart as Betty in ‘Riverdale’

Image: Katie Yu/The CW

When Luke Perry was growing up in small town Ohio, sharing a tiny bedroom in a trailer with his brother, he took sanctuary with a stack of comic books piled high in his closet. Hed pull issues from his stash and read them diligently by flashlight, and amid the many superheroes and sci-fi epics there was another favorite a staple of the medium since debuting in 1941: the quaint, relatable, all-American adventures of teenager Archie Andrews and his high school pals, rivals and crushes, set in the idyllic town of Riverdale, U.S.A.

Today, Perry no stranger to series centered around iconic locales, thanks to his stint on Beverly Hills 90210 is among the cast of Riverdale, The CWs ambitious and decidedly edgier take on the 75-year-old comic book series.

Veering away from the wholesome vibe that many associate with classic Archie, the drama adds a Twin Peaks-inspired aura of mystery, danger and controversy to the small town proceedings.

For instance, in the pilot episode, our redheaded, freckle-faced hero, played by New Zealander K.J. Apa, indulges in a steamy backseat tryst with his teacher Miss Grundy reimagined from the comics silver-haired spinster into the much younger, more curvaceous form of actress Sarah Habel. Not only that the site of their forbidden dalliance soon puts them in uncomfortable proximity to the season’s unfolding murder mystery.

I was the biggest skeptic, Perry admits to Mashable of the more adult take on the Archie gang. I said, Im the guy youve got to convince. I grew up reading Archie I am that guy. So show me what is different about this. And they did.

KJ Apa as Archie and Luke Perry as Fred

Image: Diyah Pera/The CW

“They” are the production team led by writer-producer Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, an accomplished playwright and veteran scripter of popular television series including Glee and Big Love, whos also enjoyed an acclaimed second career in the comic book industry.

A stint at Marvel Comics writing top-tier characters including the Fantastic Four and Spider-Man ultimately led Aguirre-Sacasa to an opportunity to write the 2013 comic book miniseries Afterlife with Archie. The endeavor represented a bold step for publisher Archie Comics in which the company combined their longtime characters with a zombie apocalypse narrative drawn by emerging fan-favorite artist Franco Francavilla.

It is a five-year-old Robertos dream come true, Aguirre-Sacasa tells Mashable. Ive always loved the characters. I read them from when I was a kid.

Like Perry, the writer was among a second generation of Archie devotees that discovered the now-iconic characters Archie, Jughead, Betty, Veronica and Reggie, as well as spin-off headliners like Josie and the Pussycats and Sabrina the Teenage Witch over a quarter century after they first debuted.

Ashleigh Murray as Josie

Image: Katie Yu/The CW

In 1941 a few years after rival publisher DC Comics had launched the superhero genre with Superman MLJ Comics had been riding that pop culture wave with their own powered-up characters, including the patriotic, pre-Captain America hero The Shield.

But publisher John L. Goldwater was looking for a new comic book genre that would feel fresh yet familiar. Hoping to capitalize on the popularity of the wholesome, funny, relatable teen antics of MGMs Andy Hardy screen franchise, starring a young Mickey Rooney, he gave over a six-page portion of the twenty-second issue of an established title, Pep Comics, to the earliest incarnation of the Archie gang.

Though not even mentioned on the cover of its debut issue, the Archie feature, originally written by Vic Bloome and drawn by Bob Montana, was quickly established as the hottest and much imitated new genre in comics, so popular that within a few years MLJ formally changed the books name to Archie Comics, and Archie himself appeared on every cover from 1944 onward.

Over the decades, circulation soared to nearly 300,000 copies, and Archie-mania was born: Several of the ever-expanding Archie-verse characters headlined their own solo series; Dan DeCarlo, who moonlighted drawing sultry pin-up girls for pulp magazines, became the definitive Archie artist and developed the signature look of the comic; The Archies, a prefabricated pop group of anonymous studio musicians (packaged as Archies garage band) scored an enduringly popular hit song in 1969 with Sugar, Sugar; past issues were collected in conveniently miniature digests; progressive new minority characters were introduced into white-bread Riverdale; and the characters became widely commercialized, appearing on TV shirts, lunchboxes, Saturday morning cartoons and a hit primetime sitcom starring Melissa Joan Hart as Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

Although the Archie lines mainstream appeal would gradually wane to cult status among comics fans in the 1990s and 2000s, the characters would endure as iconic figures to multiple generations of readers.

Through it all, though the hairstyles, hemlines, hotrods and hi-jinx evolved, the Archie stories rarely wavered from their core conceit: the misadventures of an average American high-schooler pursued by a pair of beautiful, competitive girls, constantly vexed by his rivals and consoled with good humor by his offbeat, free-thinking best friend.

By 2010, more opportunities were arising to tap the ongoing goodwill toward the Riverdale mythos.

I love the characters. Id grown up reading the characters. I always kind of went back to the characters, says Aguirre-Sacasa. I always wanted to write them even when I started writing for Marvel Comics. I was exclusive to them for years. And in fact, I broke my exclusivity with Marvel because I had a chance to write an Archie comic, Archie Meets Glee, which was the first thing that I did for Archie, and that was a dream come true.

SEE ALSO: 9 shows to get excited about in 2017

Even as he was bringing the characters slightly outside of their traditional comfort zones, it was clear that Aguirre-Sacasa was simpatico with the essence of the Archie gang, and he quickly assumed greater custodianship of the characters, eventually being named Chief Creative Officer of Archie Comics, overseeing a critically and commercially successful re-launch of the core titles by top-tier comics creators. At the same time, he began shopping new and left-of-center takes on the properties to Hollywood.

I really want to help bring these characters to life in a way thats never really happened successfully, he says, explaining how he promised publisher Jon Goldwater, the son of the original Archie Comics head, that theyd have to create a slow build of heat on the publishing side before turning Hollywoods head.

Though theres always sort of heat on Archie, he adds. When they make a move and they get tons of press. I know that my friends at DC and Marvel were always like, Why do you get so much ink? People love the characters.

Afterlife With Archie, a surprise sensation in the comics world, demonstrated that after three-quarters of a century that the tried-and-true Archie format had more malleability than expected.

Image: archie comics

We were really nervous about putting the Archie characters in quite a hardcore horror story with a lot of gore, and violence, and some pretty wild ideas, says Aguirre-Sacasa. But we found out two things: one is that the characters could withstand that kind of caldron of stuff; and two, the fans loved it the fans loved seeing the characters they loved in different situations, and they were emotionally invested in what happened to the characters. They were sad when characters were eaten by zombies.

It of course has a little bit informed Riverdale, says the writer, who teamed with executive producer Greg Berlanti no stranger to successful comic-to-TV adaptations thanks to his success with DC Comics and The CWs interconnected superhero series, Arrow, The Flash, Supergirl and DCs Legends of Tomorrow to infuse a similarly shadowy sensibility into the television take.

When we start pushing at the boundaries, I think people get nervous, but I think when you see it, you see that its done with integrity, and care, and comes from a deep abiding love of these characters,” Aguirre-Sacasa says. “No one wants to protect them more than I do. But you do have to evolve them, and you do have to push boundaries, and you do have to be more than just a story with a joke at the end.

My pitch to Roberto was, Number one, we have to find a form where in this can work as a TV show, Berlanti tells Mashable. Number two, can whats beloved about Archie and intrinsic about Archie and the Americana-esque, period element of it translate to todays audience? Thats the challenge we have to at least be aware of [Id tell Roberto] it has to be as much of his personality as possible, because youre a show creator, and youre creating this thing, and theres so many elements of things you love: you love horror, you love comedy, you love irreverent stuff. It has to be as evocative of you and your personality, as Afterlife with Archie really was too.

As we moved along, he wrote a script that was terrific and had that magic thing, Berlanti adds. Im not sure I knew until I read his draft of the pilot script that we developed that it was a real TV show.

One misconception that is out there is that this is Dark Archie, this is dark, gritty Archie, and Rated R Archie, chuckles Aguirre-Sacasa. And in fact the show is a mix of light and dark. The show honors what is Archie, and then subverts it. For me, the sweet spot is the tension between Twin Peaks, and the tension between the 1950s sock hop Archie right in between that is where stories work on both levels. They work as good Archie stories, but they work as good noir, or mystery, or moody stories as well.

KJ Apa as Archie, Camila Mendes as Veronica, Cole Sprouse as Jughead, and Lili Reinhart as Betty

Image: Katie Yu/The CW

Roberto loves these characters, and I dont think anyones salacious to be salacious, Berlanti says of the elements that may sound eyebrow-raising to anyone who hasnt read Archie Comics in a while. That is not our goal. That being said, the show wants to deal in the tropes of these kinds of shows, and comment on those kind of things, and have that be a part of it. Im sure that wont be the first time we have a subject matter that makes people [take pause] – but I can say, in terms of our heart being in the right place, we dont start from that place of like, ‘this is going to get us some people to watch.’ We love these characters, and you dont want to assassinate them either.

Though the characters may be in dark, adult, morally-compromised, scary situations, the characters are still true to their essences, says Aguirre-Sacasa. Those characters are basically the characters they are in Archies Double Digest, just put in a crazy, messed-up situation. Theres trial and error, but I think thats where the show lives in the tension and the juxtaposition of those things.

I would say weve been met with guarded optimism, Perry who ultimately signed on to play Archies father, Fred Andrews says of the Archie fanbase. They dont want us to mess Archie up, but they do want to see it in a new way. They do want these characters to have a new life thats the sense Ive got. So were going to try to give them that without messing up the other.

Riverdale airs Thursdays at 9 p.m. on The CW.

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