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rewritingcanon · 11 days

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what do u think of the portrayal of harry and ginny in the cursed child (i feel like it's so out of character, especially for harry) also that he works at the ministry and that ginny gave up her quidditch career (same goes for harry)

alright ive had this in my inbox for so long because i wanted to do this ask justice so i really hope that anon is still around to read this. in saying that harry was ‘out of character’ in hpcc, i assume you’re talking about how he was a bad/flawed father, as MANY fans have argued the same. so i will address that first and then i will talk about ginny and hinny’s careers.

disclaimer: when i say “you” im not talking specifically about anon but about fandom.

harry potter vs fatherhood

harry’s whole life resolved around being the chosen one and the prophesied saviour of the wizarding world. it was either being The Hero or being the unwanted, abused and scorned freak living with the dursleys. when thats your home life, then you tend to cling on to anything that is an escape from that— and in harry’s experience that was hogwarts.

if you really think about it, hogwarts was very nasty to harry as well. he was always getting picked on or bullied or in some life threatening danger that he got blamed for half of the time— but because it was better than living with the dursleys, his mind idolised it as a safe haven.

harry also reflects this idolising behaviour onto parental figures, especially paternal figures. he doesnt actually know his parents, only has an ideal of them in his head that was constructed as a coping mechanism to the abuse and neglect he went through at home. he projects The Perfect Father onto every one of his paternal figures (i think the only exception to this is arthur but i mayyy be wrong)— sirius and dumbledore are the biggest ones that come to mind, even though sirius only knew him for two years, and dumbledore would manipulate and use harry for the betterment of the world, which is unlike a parent who would put their child’s needs first (harry did not recognise these issues at length at the time as he was used to the idea of self sacrifice and probs understood that it came with the territory of being The Hero). harry even projected his father onto himself in PoA and nearly died from it.

in saying this, its reasonable to argue that there’s a disconnect with harry and the idea of what a good father actually is. this is challenged in the books itself (with SWM, harry seeing that james was not the Perfect Man he built up in his head), but this is challenged the most in the cursed child.

throughout the play, harry acts as the personified ideal he grew up with. easygoing, confident, wise— when in reality he is the opposite of those attributes and albus can see right through it (ginny says this to harry in the play, i would find the line but alas, im on the train rn). hes not easygoing or confident— he’s fearful that he doesn’t know what hes doing or how to be a father, and hes scared not knowing makes him a bad father. hes acted out in fear multiple times— the biggest moment is when he bans albus from seeing scorpius to keep him ‘safe.’ he has constant nightmares about his trauma as a child when living with the dursleys and not having the stability or love he craved. his ‘wise’ advice is not applicable to his children because he is harry potter, The Hero, and they are just normal kids. this is why albus and harry get on each others nerves so badly— because they are constantly stomping on each others sore spots by accident. albus doesn’t appreciate the facade that harry tries to uphold, and harry doesn’t understand why— because he’s projecting that ideal onto all of his kids, and if it works for james and lily (presumably), why doesn’t it work for albus? harry would’ve done anything for a father figure like himself!! there must be something wrong with albus!! (🙄)

now The Blanket SceneTM is very controversial and pissed off a lot of longtime fans into denouncing the entire play as canon. ive talked about it at length and since theres more to discuss in this post, i will shorten it down as best i can for you:

as a way of bonding, harry tries to give his precious blanket to albus. he believes albus may be more like him and may be able to understand the sacredness of the present unlike his siblings.

unknowingly, harry is still projecting his ideals onto albus. the blanket is only so extremely precious to him because it represents his parents, who he still views in an idolised light. therefore the blanket is the ideal.

albus scorns this ideal so he scorns the gift. however, because hes a confused and possibly depressed fourteen year old, he doesn’t communicate the rejection of this in a healthy way and basically insults the blanket by calling it old and mouldy and comparing it to james and lily’s presents, which outwardly could make him seem like a brat.

by attacking the blanket, he attacks harry’s parents and the ideal. and harry is very sensitive about this

albus then accidentally triggers very central fears surrounding being an orphan and being a father when he says “i wish you werent my dad”

harrys first thought is that albus wants him dead. at this point, hes stopped listening to albus trying to explain himself as he’s already triggered, so he’s acting in complete defence when he responds “sometimes i wish you werent my son”

this was said with the intention to hurt albus, it was a mindless act with one goal. saying this is out of character for harry is ridiculous, because he’s done the exact same thing in the books multiple times to the people he loves.

another important note: these characters trigger each other accidentally. the intent to connect is there, but there are deep seated issues on harry’s side that was never confronted leading to these issues. and as albus is a young angsty teen who does get bullied and is a little self-centred (again, very normal for a 14yo), he can’t really communicate these issues to harry effectively (harry being dismissive of the bullying (that he believes is normal for hogwarts students) albus goes through doesn’t help the situation either), leaving harry stumbling in the dark and further emboldening that The Perfect Father he imagined as a child may not exist.

ok that wasnt very economical but anyways! those are the issues! what happens next is harry spiralling and confirming those fears, being forced to confront them and deal with them, and then the steps toward healing his relationship with albus.

im not defending how harry treated albus (dismissing his bullying, lashing out, the enmeshment abuse) but offering insight and trying to explain that he was certainly in-character. i think people simply had an emotional reaction to seeing their loved character being very realistically flawed, and decided they didnt like it without doing much analysis as to why harry was acting the way he was. trauma is very complex, and theres no expiry date for it if you simply refuse to confront it or heal.

a lot of harry’s journey with interrogating the Perfect Father concept was to confront and acknowledge his inner child. he has to recognise his childhood for the childhood it was without the flashy titles or impressed ideals. the confrontation with dumbledore is the pinnacle of it— harry idolised dumbledore as a central father figure, and he realised when confronting the portrait that his relationship with dumbledore was much more complex and nuanced than he originally thought. suddenly dumbledore ceases to be an ideal, and harry sees him for the man that he was: conflicted, more uncertain in his own choices than he let on, heartbroken and self-sabotaging.

when harry presents himself at the end of the play to albus, he presents himself as human— an escapist, unsure in his decisions, insecure, and scared of the dark, small spaces and pigeons. and albus appreciates the flawed, real version of harry. those expectations and ideals that albus struggled to uphold in the face of harry’s projecting simply disappear, and he finally feels like he can adequately be harry’s son just by being.

another less obvious moment that shows this, is how harry and delphi mirror each other. delphi is the more extreme version of this— she is completely deluded in her worship for a father she never knew, so desperate for the love and respect shes built up in her mind that she’s dedicated her life to it and feels empty without the ideal to go off of. its why harry defends her when albus asks him why they shouldn’t just kill her— because hes the only one who understands the pain of being an orphan, living in an abusive household, dreams of ‘what ifs’ and what it can do to a person.

whats important to take away is that harry and albus love each other immensely, which is why they are able to turn over a new leaf at the end. it speaks of incredible strength on albus’ half, and i really want to stress that albus LOVES harry, because i see so much content about him straight up butchering or slandering harry when that is sooo not them!! if albus saw the way some of yall were misinterpreting his relationship with his dad he’d be livid. whether or not you would do the same in forgiving harry is irrelevant— albus has always wanted to have a good relationship with harry and the same goes both ways. people hurt each other, sometimes egregiously so, but when one promises change and is serious about it, than chances are there will be change. this is especially so in the case of family.

ginny weasley vs age

what is paradoxical is how self-centred harry is, despite also being very willing to sacrifice himself for other people. albus possesses a self-centredness similar to him. harry is so caught up in his own world and comparing it to albus’ situation, and vice versa. ginny is normally the middle man who can see both harry and albus for what they are and the individual worlds they inhabit, and tries to communicate effectively between them. the play mostly revolves around harry and albus, so what i’ll have to say for her will not be as in-depth.

short answer: ginny matured with age. she is probably the most mature character alongside draco, although draco does let his emotions get in the way at times (funnily enough i think this is why ginny and draco get along so well in the cursed child and are able to recognise each other for who they are). she was very brash and courageous and wonderfully chaotic in the books, but she was also blunt and impatient, which is not something thats presented in the cursed child. instead, she is VERY patient and communicates extremely well, being able to navigate both harry and albus without prodding their weak spots like they do to each other.

she offers her own experiences to albus as her own experiences, not projecting them onto him as an unequivocal truth. this can be seen in how she opens up to him about how she was exploited by tom riddle, and she lets albus draw his own comparisons to himself and delphi without pushing his experiences into a box.

her relationship with harry is interesting, because she is the only one who sees him for him and the only one that harry’s not bothered by when she makes honest judgments on his actions. he’s only okay with her seeing him for the flawed man he is. she doesn’t make him feel defensive, nor does she make him feel demonised for not knowing how to parent albus, or for messing up with him (though she does call him out when he is in the wrong, something her younger self would be quick to do too). one of the most heart wrenching scenes is when ginny blows up at harry and really screams at him about albus being missing and him being self-centred about it, making it out to be about himself and his issues surrounding fatherhood. despite this, harry does not get defensive— which shows that he trusts even her negative judgments of him because she knows him so well (very very similar to the library scene with scorpius screaming at albus over his self-centeredness as well btw).

she still possesses key qualities from her younger self, she’s just ironed out the rougher ones as she’s grown— she’s still impossibly brave, fiercely loyal, extremely devoted to those she loves and also very logical. you can tell harry and albus are more emotional than she is, which is part of the reason why she is able to construct her points so effectively. she puts her logical thinking to good use in emotional situations. i think people are forgetting that people aren’t typically going to be the same as who they were as teenagers.

why has ginny been able to grow so much in comparison to harry? because she’s recognised what she went through as a teenager and made peace with it. you can see it in the way she freely offers her own experiences about it. she’s been able to build on top of what she went through in a healthy way, and was able to experience real, healthy change. and she is so much wiser and kinder for it.

hinny vs their careers

first i’ll talk about harry because i think i have more stuff to go off of with him.

we’ve already established that hes The Hero first and foremost. after he fulfilled the prophecy and saved the world i dont think its such a stretch to argue that he may have needed another similar purpose to latch onto, and that being an auror granted him that. quidditch was fun for him, but it couldn’t give him the same purchase that being an auror could. heroes dont play quidditch, they save the world. the same could be said for neville and ron, who were also aurors at first. was it the healthiest road to go down for harry? i dont think so, but considering his characterisation in the cursed child, i think it works. ron ended up quitting to be a father, neville ended up quitting to focus on his real passion (herbology), and harry continued to cling onto The Hero image he’s used to presenting. yes, the ministry was impossibly corrupt and worked against him in his youth, but to harry that could’ve served as more of a reason to change the institution from the inside. this, i imagine, was most definitely the case with hermione, who was always an idealist.

that being said, i don’t think continuing being an auror is such a great idea post-hpcc. he at least needs a break in order to continue his job in a healthy manner and not misconstrue his identity with it.

in terms of ginny, i don’t believe she’d still be playing quidditch in her 40s. if you think about real athletes, very few of them continue playing professionally in their 40s (i think the average age is 34 but i may be wrong), especially after birthing three kids. we dont know much about her retirement, but there are many reasons one can assume ginny retired for, kids and/or age being the most reasonable deduction. its not so much a question of characterisation but more about the reality of having to give up your passion earlier than most if its sports.

despite retiring, its clear ginny is still very passionate about quidditch as shes still working within the field, just not playing the sport professionally anymore.

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vigilskeep · 1 year

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sometimes i get sucked into dragon age reddit and it's so scary over there.. anyway i saw a question on /dragonage which was like what are some choices your characters made for selfish reasons so now im curious on what ur ocs did selfishly

OUGH thats a fun question...

i would say minerva makes several selfish decisions. not betraying jowan during the origin quest is selfish in its way; at this point she’s settled in the idea that there are some acceptable losses to be made for the circle to thrive, but she reacts when her friend is threatened. as for her quest decisions hmm... siding with caridin over branka is a little selfish in an odd way even though it’s the “good” choice. she’s only just really gotten into blood magic and she’s terrified of the comparison between herself and branka prioritising ends over means, so she does it more to assuage her own self-doubt than out of any real morality. that’s why it’s actually the only decision in the game where she refuses to play the diplomat and persuade her companions who question her, and she snaps at them instead

sparing loghain is somewhat selfish. she does it because she’s desperately fearful of what her own reputation will be one day if she becomes the elven blood mage who killed the hero of river dane. that’s only partly for herself though... it’s also for the sake of people like her, the hope that if she’s remembered well she might save others from the judgement that’s always loomed over her. asking loghain to do the dark ritual was almost entirely selfish though. she knew he would have died to slay the archdemon without question, knew it would be a justified end for him, a tying up of loose ends... but she couldn’t let him sacrifice himself and steal the saviour’s title she’d fought so hard for. and she didn’t want to die either! so she chose to convince him to do the ritual, which is quite something to frankly manipulate a man (who she had never forgiven for his actions but who she also did honestly consider a friend, as she only realised as she was persuading him) into doing, without ever revealing her true reasons to him. not to mention releasing an unknown magic into the world despite all her circle training and maleficar’s guilt

keir is less obviously selfish because he’s the shield, the protector, fundamentally defined by what he can do for others. but leaving bethany behind for the deep roads expedition, not because she couldn’t handle it but because he couldn’t risk losing another sibling to the darkspawn, was selfish. or he thinks so afterwards, anyway. it’s hard to say in the end whether he did things to protect people or because he was afraid. as a rule there’s a fundamental selfishness to the way he is with his own people; anyone else’s loss is justifiable for them. he and anders sometimes fight bc ultimately keir can’t match justice’s absolute dedication, he would sacrifice the cause of mages to see his and only his people safe, he’s only a man and that’s who he is. it’s kind of a moot point bc half his loved ones are mages who will never be safe until they’re free, but it is also arguably what he’s doing in the act 2-3 break and the act 3 on the loose quest when he’s effectively shackled by meredith and hunting blood mages for her, bc she has bethany, and bc she can’t not know abt anders and merrill

i’ve always been charmed by da2’s description of reaver mechanics as “selfish sacrifice”, so that’s another one for keir, too

siding with the templars was a little selfish for helena. she did go to redcliffe at fiona’s invitation—she made that much effort, to placate her brother’s ghost—but ultimately it went too far for her pride to save those who had sold themselves to magisters, when the templars were also at hand. and she wanted so badly to believe for her own sake that there was something salvageable in the order. so she went to therinfal redoubt and told herself they would see what could be done for the mages once the breach was sealed

#minerva surana #keir hawke #helena trevelyan #i wouldnt say theyre my most selfish characters.#minerva has lofty goals in mind always. keir’s care for others is his most fundamental trait. helena has her sense of honour #one of my hawkes mairi is designed for selfishness to be her fundamental trait and im super excited to play that #long post

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reblog-house · 2 months

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On A Clearing

Characters: Scar, mention of all Life series winners, minus the April Fool's one. oh, and a little bird!

Wc: 1040 (woops. it was fine on 1001 and then i rewrote a few things)

Written for @flashfictionfridayofficial prompt 248, "Watching Birds"

Ao3: Here!

Scar breathed.

It was silent in the clearing. Finally.

It’s not… he didn’t mind the other winners being around. It was interesting, at least.

Nobody was just as he remembered them last, like progress had been undone, down to the game they each won, and then gone in a new direction.

Martyn wasn’t the pathetic dog who died to a piglin brute on the second week and then spent the rest of his time as yellow acting as police; who fell into the void trying to steal the kill on the dragon; and who perma-died to a bad ender pearl throw on a ladder. But he also wasn’t just the ruthless man who stole his own ally’s life to win.

Pearl wasn’t the woman who protected her teammates until the very end and whom he had to fight despite her unending kindness to him and their short-lived alliance, where she attempted to sacrifice herself for him. But she also wasn’t just the crazy witch who lived in her tower, betrayed and alone, who Scar shared the joy of torturing their soulmates with, and who left a trail of blood behind her when it was time to bring the game to an end.

Scott wasn’t the self-sacrificing savior who only died on his own terms and nobody else’s, the only other person to also be consistently nice to him, but who Scar had to leave when choosing sides. But he’s not only… Well, no. He’s always been justice-driven. That’s never changed.

And Grian wasn’t the man he shared a few good moments with before never seeing again, once Grian finally found the friendship he was so desperate for in the form of Cleo and Etho.

Though maybe, this Grian, the one who only lived through 3rd Life, was the closest there was to whom he last knew. He wouldn’t have said that in Last Life (definitely not), or Double, or even Limited Life. But Secret Life…

They could’ve been friends again. And for a moment, he thought they would be. Until he had to do the opposite of what everyone said and Grian asked to be friends.

It was fine. At least he got a few moments with Pearl at the very end.

He entered the final days knowing he had to join either Pearl or Scott. He only sided with her because she was near when the decision had to be made, but he didn’t regret it. For once, he felt like he belonged, like he was part of a team. Even if his title was just honorary.

And maybe, the next Scar and the next Grian would be friends.

He hoped the next Scar and Pearl were too.

He didn’t mind the other winners being there, but it would be better if everything wasn’t as tense.

Martyn had been shocked at first and then started laughing. Pearl took in his face, corrupted, and her eyes turned sad, like she knew. Scott looked at Grian. And Grian had closed off.

The buzzing of a bee brought him out of his thoughts. It was flying around his face. He jostled his arm and—

Oh, right. The flowers infesting his face, jutting out from his jaw, his cheeks.

When he first noticed the sprouts, he didn’t consider his relationship with bugs.

He let the bee go. Best not risk a sting.

Suddenly, he was made aware of the cheep and chatter of the birds.

Over in the distance, small birds jumped from branch to branch. A bird with wings splayed covering its nest, feeding its hatchlings. Another flying from a corner of the clearing to the other.

They made a chorus.

How long had he been there, for the birds to not see him as a threat?

The grass was a cushion under him. He let his hood fall, and his torso too.

The stem of the sunflower growing from the nape of his neck was a pressure against his head, now laid down. He cringed. Not knowing what would happen if he crushed the flower, he turned his head to the side, setting it free.

World turned to the side, little hops, a small gray bird with a tail as long as its body came close, tiny head turned, like himself. It stopped a foot away and started chirping.

“Hello there,” he said with a smile. He reached with one hand, leaving space between him and the bird.

The bird hopped closer to it, curious.

“I don’t have any food, if that’s what you’re after. Sorry, my friend. Maybe next time.”

It chirped again and Scar huffed a laugh.

“You are a friendly one, aren’t you? Alright, alright, you can stay. Not sure what else is there for you to see but I’m here.”

It hopped even closer, now right on his face, near his cheek. It turned its little head again.

“Oh, you’re curious about the poppies too? I’d be more weirded out, but I’m not the only one who’s changed. Do you like my new look?” He moved his hand to his chest in mock pride and made a face. “I’m particularly proud of my sunflower.”

Nothing to be proud of. He didn’t do anything to get the flowers. They didn’t even take a day or an hour to grow. They were there already, buds that opened up.

He chose to ignore that fact. His little bird friend wouldn’t understand the nuances of making something grow and something growing on you.

The bird looked at him like he was speaking nonsense. Maybe he was.

He sighed. “Yeah, I don’t know what I’m doing. Seeing how long I can stay out before they send a search party, I guess. If that’s even a thing.” He frowned. “Do more people exist here? Are there even villagers?”

The bird hopped back once.

“Yeah, you’re right. Best not worry them. Nnh…” he stretched, pushing himself up. Once standing, his vision blacked out for a second as he regained his balance. When his vision came back, the bird had flown to a nearby branch, observing him.

“Well, I’ll be going now. It was nice to meet you, little guy!”

He turned around and walked the way he came, hood laying against his back, forgotten.

#fff248 #trafficfic #trafficblr #goodtimeswithscar #life series winners #gtws #gtwscar #secret life smp #and others #my writing #bo don't look

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dragonofthestone · 10 months

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Talking with @kazeofthemagun has brought forth many thoughts and ideas on Timaeus especially in terms of his growth and finding their place/ finding their true self in away.

Even if one believes all life deserves to live by all accounts Timaeus as he is should not exist, whether on purpose or you want to call him an accident none the less he exists purely due to humans foolish meddling in places they should not.

As a Chimera or as a Homonculous no matter how you want to view him he his a single life made up of multiple, the alchemy used to make him was flawed and rather experimental in and of itself causing pain not only to himself but the damned souls within.

Now its well known as a stone is used and it's power gone it also use up those souls - and presumably once a stone is gone those souls are free.

Now his stone is almost always in a state of active if you will working and powering to keep him alive binding together this Chimera that long should have gone into a state of forceful rejection and likely died but still imperfect like a piece of a puzzle is still missing.

Which is where Magic comes in

Whether through simply living in Wonderland and the magic that permeates the very air and entirety of the world as is , or the likes of interactions with such as Kaze, Kumo and Sielu (or anyone else, even potentially Chaos? I mean his existence is well uh chaotic in a way sooo). That magic becomes entwined with his being filling in gaps and holes, offering a new source of energy of power not previously made available.

Allowing him to by pass any limitations that may have previously existed and eventually achieve his true, proper shape through tapping into that magic as well as the power of the souls- which in turn allows those poor souls the freedom and release they need and deserve upon doing so.

The complexity of a soul or exactly what is going on with in them is admittedly more then a little unclear to the Chimera and a bit above even their level of intelligence/understanding. For awhile eventually they may one day come to grasp and understand better

What they do know is it quiets the noise in his head and that what ever it is that's within them without it they would be unable to take on that shape of which they find such freedom in.

They do not change lightly and after each shift they will utter a silent thank you.

Of course with each soul released and a bit more of the stone used up just like the Homunculi it does affect his ability and life. Starting slow and subtle, longer healing times, things that were once so easy becoming more difficult, perhaps not as strong as they once were but a small price to pay when it comes to being able to finally be who they are, embracing their true nature.

Starting as what was once viewed as nothing more then a simple being only able to follow instinct and basic commands, a tool, a weapon meant for others use, finds new life, a new purpose in a way in this new strange land.

Going from the one always in need of protection to being a protector able to defend others not because they have to but because they want to (and can). Of course there's still much trauma and other lingering things that affect their choices - to an extent will likely always remain having little self preservation ready to sacrifice themselves in service of others but at least perhaps with a better frame of mind that isn't just being disposable.

And of course knowing that even if they die doing something either way it means those souls, the yowling, howling voices in their head can finally be silenced and free.

He is in a way a perfect being for Wonderland, after all he is his own a single living being but only exists through the act of merging (and destroying) together so many lives, just as Wonderland is place/world of its own created through destruction and putting together the pieces of so many other worlds.

Although starting as just another of the many lost and afraid within Wonderland in turn becoming one who can protect and help those instead.

This is his home

#long post #lab report || about tim #lablife! tim #/ growth and acceptence #this is it this is his whole main arc/character growth story in wonderland #I'm love #Not the lab not Amestris but Wonderland that is / will be his home #one is all all is one [true self]

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thedysphoriadiaries · 1 year

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Entry 8 - Nightmare - 21 February 2023, 4:48pm

The nightmares are coming back. I don't remember how this one started, only that it ended with me hurting myself (fracturing my left hand's fingers with a bottle), over how I wasn't ready for womanhood, even though I so desperately wanted it.

I don't want to keep feeling like that.

I can't help but think about the young man in the trans-safe discord chat that I had left 19 days ago, about how he'd always be ranting about how his body looked too feminine. I heard he was going to get testosterone shots in a couple months. If you're reading this, or if someone told you that they've come across this post, I hope you're feeling better now.

I lie a lot. Too much, actually, just to keep people happy.

Twelve days ago, I left another trans-friendly chat, this time, on telegram. When asked what happened, I said that I was cis.

That was something i could not bring myself to say just four days ago, sitting in front of that woman, in a restaurant.

Either way, going back to twelve days ago, the one who reached out to me asked what made me think I was cis. I semi-lied about the biases in my thinking, and I asserted how I'd be fine, since I've been living half my life with the envy in the background, and that other issues needed tending to first.

She did not respond afterwards. I suppose she could tell I was lying too. What kind of bullshit reasoning that I was pulling out of my ass could ever convince others?

......

"There will come a ruler, whose brow is laid in thorn. Smeared with oil like David's boy" (taken from that soldier, poet, king thing that was popular on tiktok for a while).

Part I: Duty.

It's all I've known, being the elder of the two sons that my parents bore.

The duty to protect. The duty to guide.

Those fell upon me, not just because I was older than my brother by one minute, but because I chose to take upon the mantle of the elder. I gripped on to it, for it was my only lifeline in this sea of chaos. My mother keeps telling me that my brother should have been the elder brother, since I was always asking him to do things.

What difference would it have made?

I would still have protected my brother at any cost, even if it came at my own life.

After all, is that not the duty of a sibling?

Part II: Strength

Duty demands sacrifice - the sacrifice of the self.

There is no second choice. No alternative.

It's do, or die.

I had learnt this pretty early on, when my dad had temper issues. My early childhood was filled with neglect. My late childhood, and early teens, were filled with arguments, depression (not just my own), and violence.

There was no time to be me.

Part III: Resignation

What am I?

That is a question, and it's one that I'm struggling to find a satisfactory answer to, even at this moment.

I don't know if it's too late to find out. I feel like I've died, and am wandering this plane like a lost soul.

In fact, that's what I'd relate my entire journey to: just me being a scared and lost wandering soul, wandering eternally through the dark, barren wastes of Purgatory. Not quite dead, but not quite alive. A place where I wander, before judgement befalls me.

The envy still persists, the same way that my bone structure and my physique reminds me that, through my bones, I am forever branded with the mark of testosterone. Every woman I come across reminds me of what I want to be, but simply cannot be, due to the nature of who I am. Even then, I do not know how authentic that feeling of envy is.

I do not know what to feel about it, except for a deep, long sorrow. Even that sorrow is hollow, like every primary emotion I feel. The sadness is a deep pit; at its bottom lies my soul; a dark, intense singularity.

........

I want to put it out of its misery, and let it exit this plane of existence. Killing me would be a mercy.

Ironically, I broadcast this on a site where people are around, and can possibly report me for suicidal intentions.

Just do me this act of mercy, and I won't bother you anymore. I promise. I never asked to be born.

I don't know what I am, and I don't know what to do. I just want to lie down, and rest. I just know that one of the rests I take these days will be my last, and I'll... be free.

.........

Contact them. You know how. You know when.

extant lies: life is sweet-reignite; a light's stygian existence is.

ĉ̸̫̆ọ̸͚̈́ǒ̵̯͐r̶̻̒̚ḋ̶̢̦̕ị̴̠̏̈́n̷͉̽a̵̡͚̕t̶̞̣̄é̵̪ͅs̶̫̈ ̵̛̹̱̿u̷͈̐̔n̴̯̍k̵͙̔̋n̵̡̔o̴͖̼̅w̸͖̎̚ǹ̸̰̃.̶̘̕ ̷̻̆ŕ̸̨̍ḝ̸̹f̷̜̭͆e̴̜̓͊r̶͓̈́̄ ̸͈͓͆̄t̷̢̮͒͝o̷̖̫̾̂ ̴̩̔͋l̴̯̆ì̴̡̪n̶͉̙̽e̴͍̓̂ ̴͓̿̐b̸̢͛r̸̤͑̒ȅ̵̮̞ǎ̶̪͙ḵ̴̜̿s̵͈̫̿̎.̸͈͛

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

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septembersghost · 2 years

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i keep thinking about how both of the major/central character deaths that have now happened in bcs - chuck and nacho - were suicides, and the way that loss of self and self-destruction is very much an underlying theme in the tragedy of this show. we spend every moment with jimmy knowing that eventually he doesn't exist, that he slowly erodes and curdles and darkens, and that who jimmy is is subsumed by the persona of saul, writ large and made flesh but really just a flashy, empty suit, later lost again to the bleakness of gene. jimmy's like a living ghost. we're seeing that loss into inexorable darkness with kim now too. it's a shadow over mike, even over gus, who discard parts of their souls the further down they go. we know all of the men - monsters though they may be - in the desert are walking dead men, we're watching them tread their pasts with knowledge of their futures. they made those choices that put them on a road.

chuck, nacho, kim, and howard have a unique power because this is their only world. the confines of this story don't stretch for them in the same way, and yet it allows the unknown to be richer and perhaps deadlier, or at least more devastating.

chuck and nacho chose to remove themselves from the story, but the former was an act of despair, and the latter was an act of defiance.

from the outside, chuck and nacho have no commonalities. they move in different universes in the same city. chuck would be seen and remembered as a brilliant lawyer, an upstanding member of the community, nacho as a criminal scumbag who got in too deep. maybe neither is wrong. but those assessments aren't right either. the surface appearance, the remnants in an obit or broken glass in the dirt, don't contain the truth or the whole of their humanity. we know chuck was a vindictive, egotistical, judgmental man. we know he suffered terribly from his illness. we know how he treated jimmy and how that helps to perpetuate jimmy's own choice of self-corruption. we know his death came from an agonizing low point and he was too broken to find any other way out. and we know nacho, who was caught in the violent crossfire of doomed enemies, who was battered and broken and utilized as a pawn, who did the wrong things and made the wrong decisions, and yet, instead of straying farther from his true self, it quietly, persistently had him seeking light. the more of that underworld he saw, the less he wanted to be a part of it, but physical escape was impossible. so he wrested back control and chose how it would go. chuck died having voiced a vicious lie to his brother. nacho spoke with love to his father, even with things unsaid, and then voiced the truth of scorching hatred that no one else has ever quite been allowed to say to these men who think nothing of the damage they leave in their wake.

the circumstances are startling juxtapositions, intentionally so. mike said once he'd known bad cops and good criminals, and the difference is in that humanity and that honor, even on one's bad choice road. nacho transcended his circumstances in the one way he could, and his life now reverberates even across the story where no one knew he existed. there are so many sparks of nacho in brba. michael mando said something about how it's not so much about when you go. everyone will. it's about why you go. for nacho, that was layered with love and sacrifice and rebellion.

ultimately, this is jimmy's tale, and we don't know how he will decide to make it go. is he lost permanently to what we know, that preordained fate sealed, or is there a reclamation of himself? can a rise follow a fall? and what does that leave behind as its legacy?

you can have the fancy black granite slab in the cemetery and someone standing there pretending to mourn you, or you can have a delicate bluebell blooming despite the harshness of the desert. maybe no one will ever know it's a marker. maybe it doesn't matter.

the rain falls the same on both graves.

but only one is alive.

#does this make sense we just don't know #i am fascinated by the fact that both of them died at their own hand but so so differently #there is SO much of the thematic power of the entire story in those deaths #the double sides of everyone #better call saul #bcs spoilers #nacho varga #ilu you're alive to ME #*

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tomorrow-and-tomorrows · 3 years

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JJK 149. Mai Zen'in

It’s fascinating for a battle shounen manga to have a character like Mai who is diametrically opposed to the ideals of strength and self-improvement that are usually valourized in this genre. Mai doesn't die because she can’t get stronger, but because she doesn’t want to. And although that attitude is evidently incompatible with an existence within the world and situation she found herself in, there is no negative value judgment imposed by the narrative itself condemning her unwillingness to unlock her "full potential".

JJK has always foregrounded competing worldviews and how individuals’ different perspectives and values can either coexist or conflict with others. Maki's ambition to transform the Zen'in clan vs. the Zen'ins' regressive conservatism; Gojou's vision for the jujutsu world vs. the higher ups' ; Yuji's "I want to save everyone" vs. Megumi's "I choose who I save" ; Mei Mei's "I'm on the side of money" vs. Nanami leaving a lucrative job to save people out of compassion, and so on.

So it's particularly impressive that, while operating within the shounen genre, the story continues to maintain its respect for this ideological diversity by preserving Mai’s belief in her own worldview to the very end. Simply put, not everyone wants to become powerful even if they may have the potential to. Not everyone wants to live a life of violence, and not everyone wants to be a saviour for others at the direct expense of their own sanity.

It would be perhaps the more optimistic yet potentially oppressive narrative move to demand for Mai's character to undergo a transformation from a character who resists the shounen ideals to one who accepts them. This type of transformation would by no means be inherently negative; I'm definitely not saying that going down this path would have been bad for Mai's character or for the story. But it would succumb to a temptation to move towards a kind of 'sameness' rather than difference in its depiction of ways of acting in the world. I think Mai's ending is all the more striking because it resists this temptation.

Because I think that the more typical - and optimistic - development arc for Mai would have been for her to learn how to be willing to become stronger as a sorcerer and eventually fight alongside Maki.

But instead, Mai never ends up conforming to those dominant values of strength and ambition. Neither is she subjected to the kind of development traditionally favoured by the genre that are along the lines of, 'you just need to believe in yourself and work hard' -- because if we really think about it, often times a lot of feats in shounen are accomplished by sheer willpower and self-conviction. (JJK is not always an exception to that trope, nor is it necessarily a bad thing!). Mai had previously firmly stated her opposing point of view, and this essential attitude never changes even when we perhaps most expect it to.

In this situation, rather than working to improve her technique to create stronger objects without it costing her life, Mai passively accepts that her weakness will require self-sacrifice.

It’s a fatalistic attitude resulting from having never wanted to partake in a life of violence and hardship.

On the one hand, inflexibility and the inability to adapt are not exactly commendable traits; Mai is certainly fixed in her resignation and refusal to work towards her full potential as a sorcerer. On the other hand, to use Nanami's words, being a sorcerer is shit. All the suffering and regret in the story so far has only continued to reaffirm that sentiment. So we also can't fully condemn Mai for rejecting that way of life to the extent that she would rather sacrifice herself than to push forward to have her own "shounen power-up" moment. Because the aftermath of that would be a path likely filled with death, brutality, and suffering.

The wish to live a normal life is a legitimate and valid one. In an ideal world, her clan would not punish her for it. In an ideal world, opposing perspectives, especially ordinarily pacifist ones like Mai's, would be allowed to exist. Mai having to die because she was unable to escape or adapt to the ruthlessness of the jujutsu world exemplifies how cruel that world is. Mai's persistence in her wish for a normal life, and her "failure" as a sorcerer is not her failure at all; her death reflects a failure of the violently rigid jujutsu clan culture.

In this light, it is all the more tragic that Mai's death was entirely preventable, and fated not by the inevitability of actual "fate", but rather entirely by a radically traditionalist clan system.

At the same time, as I mentioned earlier, I find it impressive for Gege to have allowed Mai to hold onto her values. Just as Maki has always stayed true to her dreams of overturning the Zen'in clan by becoming a powerful sorcerer, Mai has always stayed true to her resistance to that dark and difficult path. From a writing perspective, I think it's interestingly respectful to Mai's character in that way. It's also for this reason that I consider this chapter to be a worthy good-bye to Mai, as she is faithful to her own way of being in the world until the end. It may not conform to the demands of the optimistic self-improvement narrative generally preferred by shounen, but it is a valid perspective, and it is never depicted to be 'lesser than' or 'inferior to' the shounen narrative.

I'm always interested in stories in which there is a genuine dialogue of a diversity of voices, each with their own perspectives and viewpoints even as they conflict with each other - or in other words stories that prioritize 'difference' over 'sameness' in ways of being, thinking, and acting. It's not necessarily uncommon - most if not all stories will feature different character motivations within a given cast. But I think JJK does this particularly well in a particularly convincing way, and 149 is further confirmation of this for me.

Finally, it is notable that Mai herself seems to acknowledge this sentiment. She may have been unwilling to imagine a stronger future version of herself, which is opposite to the advice Gojou had given Megumi if he wanted to reach his full potential. But she died for the sake of believing in the stronger future version of Maki, and this is how she is victorious even in death. All the way to the end, Mai had her way of viewing and acting in the world in her individual way, and Maki had hers; importantly, Mai ends up encourages this difference. Right after she states that "You are me, and I am you", that sameness is undercut when Mai immediately after points to their contrasting motivations:

Mai ultimately encourages Maki to live in the way that Maki wants to live - to the fullest potential of her power and the fullest potential for her capacity to force change upon a corrupt system. Before, Mai had resented Maki for moving on without her ("why didn't you fall down the hole with me?") - she resented how Maki couldn't be the same as her in how she viewed the world. In her final chapter, Mai conversely acknowledged that she herself could never see the world exactly the same as Maki.

Therein lies the cornerstone of her character development; before, she resented that difference between them for those twofold reasons. In the last moments of her life, she no longer resents Maki for moving on without her; she encourages her to move forward into the future. It is of course undeniably tragic, as it must be a future without Mai. And no amount of power gained from such a loss could ever be consolation for that tragedy.

It is fitting, then, that Mai's final message to Maki is full of despair -- yet it is also not without hope. In the interplay between 'construction' and 'destruction', it is ironic yet poetic that Mai wished for her object-construction technique's final and greatest creation to be used to destroy - indeed, to "destroy everything". There is undoubtedly despair both in that command, and in Maki's drive to destruction when she emerges from that room. But somewhere, somehow, there must also be the hope that that destruction will be in the service of "construction", of creating a better future for others, even if it is too late for it to be a future in which they can live in together.

#jjk meta #jjk 149 #mai zenin #maki zenin #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk manga #jjk theory #zenin maki #zenin mai #jjk manga spoilers #jjk spoilers

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aspoonofsugar · 3 years

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Penny’s Final Word

Cinder might have had the final word of the volume and that is a meta for another time. Still, there is another character who got to have another important final word:

Penny: Let me choose this one thing.

Penny’s arc has always been about self-actualization and escaping objectification.

She was created to be a weapon and everything was decided for her by basically... everyone:

Both enemies and loved ones alike ended up choosing for her multiple times, so it is fitting that Penny herself is the one who has the last word about herself. She makes the final choice that decides how her life should end and what her legacy should be.

At the same time, Penny’s final choice and sacrifice perfectly tie together all the major themes explored in the Atlas arc.

This analysis will try to explore her arc and to show how it is central to everything the Atlas volumes wanted to convey.

PENNY AND HER FAIRIES

What makes a person a person and not something else?

This is a key question in Penny’s story and it can’t be answered without addressing who her Blue Fairy is.

Is it Fria?

Or Ambrosius?

The answer is neither and both. These two characters are definately references to the Blue Fairy, but they are not the ones who make Penny feel human. The one who does is ironically a red fairy:

You saw my soul Through the nuts and bolts You're the friend I can trust Helped me see I'm not just a machine

It is Ruby’s aknowledgement of Penny’s personhood that makes Penny feel alive.

So, what about Fria and Ambrosius? What is their role?

Fria chooses Penny as the next Winter Maiden. This is a powerful moment thematically because it is an aknowledgement of Penny’s humanity. She has always been a real girl, a Maiden at Heart, hence she can be given the powers and protect them.

Ambrosius removes Penny’s robotic parts and makes the “real” Penny come to the surface:

Ambrosius: Okay, but if I take the robot parts out of her, that would leave...

Blake: Penny. The girl who's always been there underneath it.

Penny’s new body is human because Penny has always been human and has always wanted to feel human.

In short, these two moments are moments of recognition of Penny’s humanity. She becomes a human both in soul (Fria) and body (Ambrosius). In particular, she has always had a human soul and this is why it can be tied to the power of the Maiden. When it comes to her body, she aquires a human one because her new appearance is nothing, but a mirror of her soul.

Still, even if these two moments are both meaningful, they are also moments where Penny receives something passively. They are aknowledgements of Penny’s humanity yes, but Penny wants more. She wants personhood aka to live as her own person.

To truly become a person one must be able to make their own choices. And interestingly, Penny’s free will is linked to both moments with her two blue fairies.

Ambrosius’s magic does not simply give Penny a human body, but it gives her back her freedom. Not only that, but it makes it impossible hacking her ever again.

Fria’s interaction with Penny is more complicated.

First of all, Fria does not impose the power on Penny, but asks her to make a choice:

Fria: Penny. Are you the one?

Penny: I…

And Penny does so in a sense, but it is gray. Penny is given no time to think about this choice, differently from both Winter and Pyrrha. It is something imposed on her by the events:

Penny: But taking the Maiden power was the only way to stop--

Moreover, it is something she very clearly does not want:

Penny: I was the protector of Mantle, but now, I am much more than that, and I wish I was not.

In short, Penny’s interaction with Fria is a recognition of her humanity, but also a duty imposed on her by external occurrences.

It is not what Penny herself wants. To truly be human, instead, Penny should make her own choices and be given the chance to pursue what she wants.

Still, what does she truly wishes for?

PENNY AND HER JIMINY CRICKETS

Penny’s wish is made obvious since her first appearance:

Penny: "You called me 'friend'! Am I really your friend?"

Ruby: "Uuuum... Y-Yeah, sure! Why not?"

My wish came true That day that you appeared And called me friend

She wants friends to the point that Ruby’s awkward aknowledgement of their friendship is enough to make Penny completely loyal to the other girl.

At the same time, there are many Jimini Crickets that go in the way of Penny’s wish for friendship:

Penny: I've never been to another kingdom before. My father asked me not to venture out too far, but... You have to understand, my father loves me very much; he just worries a lot.

(...)

Penny: I... was asked not to talk to you. Or Weiss. Or Blake. Or Yang. Anybody, really.

Ruby: Was your dad that upset?

Penny: No, it wasn't my father...

Both Ironwood’s high expectations and Pietro’s overprotectiveness make so that she is not free to enjoy her own life as she wants.

She arrives to the point that she comes up with a plan to stay at Beacon with her new friends:

Penny: Ruby, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about. I want to stay at Beacon.

Ruby: Penny, they'll never let you do that.

Penny: I know, but I have a plan.

However, we never discover what this plan is:

This does not happen by chance and Penny’s plan is not a dropped plot-point. It is symbolic of how her agency is completely negated. She is objectified to the point that her story is interrupted before she can take any action. It is a meta-way to comment her character and her major struggle.

Penny’s first death is more than a murder. It is a way to refuse Penny’s personhood and agency:

Ruby: And Penny… was killed… just to make a statement.

She is used as a symbol of Atlas’s shady research. Penny’s own self is forgotten in the chaos that follows.

The same thing happens in Atlas as well:

Ruby: I don't think Robyn was their target. Salem's goal has always been to divide us. I think Penny was exactly where they wanted her, just like at the Vytal Festival.

This time she is not framed as a victim, but as a perpetrator and used as the symbol of an authoritarian regime.

Her enemies’ objectification of Penny is made clear in many ways:

Cinder: I have come too far to be stopped by some toy!

Cinder: You’re just a tool to be used!

Salem: Although he remains in captivity, it seems that he has worked with Ironwood to gain some control over the puppet masquerading as the Winter Maiden.

And Watts’s virus is just the culmination of it. It is the embodyment of the Jiminy Cricket trying to overwrite what Penny wants.

At the same time, though, Penny’s enemies are not the only ones who try to control her:

Pietro: I lost you before. Are you asking me to go through that again? No. No. I want the chance to watch you live your life.

Penny: But dad… I am trying to.

Penny’s loved ones have tried to protect her all along. However, this wish of protection ends up going in the way of what she really wants:

I've been combat-ready since The day dad made me Now I'll fight for something more Might sound wholesome, But strangely I've got friends Fighting for

What Penny wants is to fight together and for her friends. She does not want her life to be considered less than others’. Still, she does not even want it to be put before others’:

Cinder: I don’t serve anyone. And you wouldn’t either, if you weren't built that way.

Penny: That is not…I choose to fight for people who care about me.

In short, it is as Maria says:

Maria: Don’t you think Penny has had enough people telling her what to do?

PENNY AND BEING A REAL GIRL

At its root, Penny’s struggle has always been this:

Penny: I feel like I wish I could do both the things I need to do and the things I want to do. Is that normal?

She wants to reconcile her duty and her personal wishes.

It is her duty to accept the power of the Maiden and to protect it.

It is her wish to live with her friends and to protect them.

These two things end up coming into conflict multiple times:

Penny: And after the launch, I’ll return to help you all with the evacuation.

Pietro: About that, Penny. When Amity goes up, I think you should be on it with Maria and I.

Penny: But they need me here. Right?

Ruby: Well, if you stay far out of Salem’s reach, then she can’t open the vault. She can’t get to the relic. So...

Weiss: Maybe it is for the best?

Until the finale where Penny makes a specific choice:

Weiss: Penny, no!

If Penny were to act as the perfect Maiden, she would have just gone to Vacuo with the staff. In this way she could have protected both the relic and the power. Even if Cinder had ended up killing all her friends, Salem would have still lost.

However, Penny decides not to act as a Maiden, but as a friend:

Penny: You wouldn’t know anything about friends.

Even the reason why Cinder manages to mortally wound her is because Penny is worried about Jaune and Weiss and gets distracted for a second:

However, it is specifically in the moment of her death that Penny is able to make a choice to reconcile both who she is and what she has to do.

She chooses to protect the power:

Penny: She can’t get the staff..and the power.

And to save a friend:

Penny: I thought of you. And here we are.

Winter would have died without the Maiden powers and the same can be said about the people stranded in Vacuo. Penny saves all by choosing to be the one in control of her death.

Her choice is extremely powerful thematically and it ties together all the themes explored in these last two volumes.

1) It is a choice about trust:

Penny: Trust me.

Winter: Thank you for trusting me with this.

Penny asks to be trusted and chooses to trust as well. After all, this is what friendship is all about:

Attached but not By strings

It is a choice that uses the motif of “the part of you” in two different ways.

2) Becoming a part of someone else can be seen as a reference to the process of grieving, which is one of the themes explored in this volume:

Grieving means to come to terms with your loss, to accept your feelings for the people who are gone and also their contradictions:

Robyn: Clover was a lot of things. You respected him, but I gotta tell ya, I think you’re the better Huntsman.

Vine: Then perhaps Clover was wrong too.

The lost ones will be missed regardless:

Harriet: Don't you dare! Clover was... He was...

Vine: ...Important to you.

Still, once you manage to finally grieve, you’ll realize the other person has become a part of you:

It does not matter if Qrow’s semblance has evolved, if it is a part of Clover’s power having stayed attached to the pin, both or if it is Clover looking out for them.

What’s important is that Clover will keep on living inside Qrow because Qrow will never forget him or what Clover has taught him:

Clover: You shouldn't do that, you know.

Qrow: Don't worry, I-I gave that up.

Clover: I meant deflect a compliment. Those kids wouldn't be where they are without you. You've had more of an effect on them than you realize.

Qrow should love himself. Only in this way he can stop being a self-fulfilling curse. Only in this way he can start looking at his own life with hope and wish for good luck.

Similarly, Penny won’t be forgotten and her legacy will live through Winter:

Penny: She's… gone.

Winter: No. She's a part of you now.

Penny: I won’t be gone, I’ll be part of you.

3) Penny becomes a part of Winter because Winter is finally able to do this:

Winter: But yes Penny, we must still acknowledge our personal feelings, wrestle with them. It ensures us that we're on the right path. It's what makes us human.

Winter is the one who taught Penny this, but it is obvious that through volume 7 and 8 she has avoided to face her feelings for both her family and Ironwood. By the end of volume 8, however, she is finally able to accept her emotions. She can finally follow her heart. Penny becoming “a part of her” is symbolic of this. As a matter of fact their dynamic has always been about Winter acting as “the mind” and Penny being “the heart”.

Symbolically they integrate because they both are becoming their own person even if in different ways.

Winter becomes her own person because she rejects this mentality:

Winter: Penny. The general is making hard choices so we don't have to.

Penny becomes her own person because she is finally in control of herself and her destiny. Moreover, she is able to do for Winter what Ruby has done for her:

Winter: No, Penny, you were always the real Maiden at heart. I was just a machine. Just… following orders.

Penny: You’re my friend.

She affirms Winter’s personhood and in this way she affirms her own as well.

In other words, this version of Pinocchio does not end with the protagonist being transformed into a real boy by the Blue Fairy, but with Penny transforming Winter in the Blue Fairy:

So “becoming fully human” in RWBY means to do this:

Qrow: This last great creation would be given the power to both create and destroy. It would be given the gift of knowledge, so that it could learn about itself and the world around it. And most importantly, it would be given the power to choose, to have free will to take everything it had learned and decide which path to follow - the path of light or the path of darkness. And that is how Humanity came to be.

It is about gaining knowledge, like Penny does about feelings and relationships, loving life and accepting death. Finally, it is about making a choice, even if it is painful.

This is because being human is not always simple. It can be hard:

But I found that humanity It came with sacrifice

Having a human soul means you have a duty to do the right thing out of your own free will, like Fria’s gift showed.

Having a human body means you can experience the warmth of a hug:

But it also means you can be mortally wounded:

This is Ambrosius’s teaching.

Still, it was worth it all for Penny because she got the chance to meet friends and to feel alive:

An answered prayer A chance to Share the world To be a girl Who fin'lly felt alive

This is why her second death can be juxtaposed to her first one. Both times she was killed by Cinder. However, the first time she was used as a pawn in Cinder’s plan. This time instead she is not letting herself be controlled and she negates Cinder what she really wants out of her own free will.

In conclusion, there is this phrase by Jean-Paul Sartre:

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

And I think it sums up Penny’s story perfectly.

Penny does not choose to be born a robot or to be used as a weapon. She is objectified in multiple ways...

Still, she manages to make something amazing out of herself.

#rwby #rwby vol8 #penny polendina #rwby meta #rwby spoilers #my meta #qrow branwen #even if only a little

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cosmicjoke · 3 years

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One of the things I’ve noticed about Levi, and I’m sure plenty of others have as well, is that, even at his most violent, or angry, there’s always just cause for it, or completely understandable reasoning behind it. For example, when he threatens Annie as the Female Titan, asking her if her limbs will grow back if they’re cut off, Levi’s menacing words here are so obviously driven by the experience he’s just had of having to stand by and watch as so many of his comrades were killed by her. That’s evident too in how Levi presses the issue of who deserves the credit for capturing the Female Titan with Erwin, refusing to take it himself, and insisting to Erwin that it’s the soldiers who bought them time by sacrificing their lives who deserve it. Levi’s riled up and clearly, deeply upset by that sacrifice, and his threats towards Annie are a result of that.

The same can be said of why it is Levi is so brutal in hacking Zeke’s limbs off after the incident in the forest. When you actually stop and think about what it is that Zeke’s done to Levi here, how he turned all of his friends and comrades into Titans, forcing Levi to kill them, Levi’s rage is entirely justified. Not only did Zeke sacrifice the lives of 30 people so he could escape and meet up with Eren, but he also endangered Levi’s own life, because any normal soldier would have died, if they had to face 30 titans. So Levi is coming off of having been forced by Zeke’s self-serving actions to end the lives of 30 people under his command. Making it all the worse is how long Zeke’s deception had gone on for, how he’d planned it months in advance, by having his people spike the wine, knowing the soldiers assigned to guard him would drink it. He probably thought Levi would drink it too, not knowing Levi only drinks tea. So, again, Levi’s violent reaction and anger is totally understandable.

There’s other examples too, like Levi beating Eren up, and that being, counter-intuitive as it seems, for Eren’s sake, to keep him out of the hands of the MP’s, who wanted him dead. Or when he got violent with Historia. Levi got angry because he knew her self-pitying was going to end up leading to even more bloodshed and violence, if she refused to take up her position as Queen, and he wanted to avoid that at all costs. Because he’s always fighting and working for the betterment of the many, the betterment and salvation of humanity in general.

I guess what I’m trying to get at here is that Levi is never needlessly violent, or violent without just or understandable cause. For as hard as his life has been, for as brutal, deprived and violent as his life was growing up, he’s incredibly well-adjusted and normal, without natural inclination towards violence, without a desire for it. Given the kind of life he’s had, that’s remarkable. Just how NOT dark, or twisted, or sadistic Levi is. In fact he’s the opposite, immensely compassionate and empathetic and kind. He knows that sometimes violence is the only solution to certain problems, and he’s able and willing to resort to it, if it helps better the situation, or saves lives, but he never seeks to hurt anyone for self-satisfaction. He never hurts anyone because it makes him feel good, or for any kind of self-serving goal. Totally the opposite, in fact, you can see an awful burden on guilt weighing him down every time he does. He doesn’t enjoy it at all. He finds no pleasure in it, but only guilt and remorse, even as he understands its necessity.

It’s a sad kind of irony, in a way, that Levi is gifted with such an immense physical prowess for battle and fighting, because I think who Levi really is, is a gentle and caring soul. In his heart of hearts, a pacifist. The toll of violence weighs heavy on him throughout the series, both that which is inflicted on him and his friends, and that which he must inflict on others. It’s important to note that Levi never acts violently towards, or hurts anyone who hasn’t, in some way, earned it from him. Many characters, like Zeke and Eren, for example, do in fact end up hurting people who have never done anything to them personally, or who have never hurt anyone they care about. But Levi never does that. He never attacks anyone who hasn’t first attacked either him or those he cares about. That’s an important distinction, I think.

Well anyway, I’ll be delving more into all these specific instances as I continue my read through of the manga! I’m just kind of throwing my thoughts out there for now.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #Levi Ackerman

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dr3amofagame · 3 years

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this is checkmate.

aka: dr3 tries their hand at the strategist c!dream interpretation. do they succeed? who knows. please be nice i dont have a single idea how chess works ;-;

tws: blood, violence mentions, implied torture, abuse, unhealthy mindsets, mentioned manipulation, dehumanization, suicide, exile arc, prison arc, c!dream critical ? (not really? but he’s like. kinda absolutely an asshole a la strategist!dream (or any c!dream)), dark content, dark imagery

this is checkmate.

he is not gentle. he is not kind. even when he donned the wool of a sheep's skin, he knows that his teeth flashed wicked and sharp from beneath its corpse - he is no fool, and when he pours poison into his words he knows the taste better than anyone else that may hear it.

to say he meant well is a lie. to say that he was kind is a worse one. and he will not pretend to tell the truth, either, not when he has built this façade brick by careful brick (the same hands that had laid down the stones of a house they laced with trinitrotoluene to destroy)- he is not far gone enough to pretend that the red that bleeds from his sword and eyes and mouth is anything other than blood.

it goes like this: a chessboard is an eight by eight grid with sixty-four squares in total, thirty-two black, thirty-two white. there are sixteen pieces on either side. the objective is to checkmate the opposing team - leave its king under attack, and unable to escape.

there is much to say about cruelty. about mercy. when he takes the time to think about it, in hours that blend into seconds or maybe blend into days (it's not like he has a clock that will tell him which) he thinks they look much like the same thing.

was it cruelty or mercy that led to a death trap, blood on blackstone brick, button still stained with the fingerprints of the one that pressed it last? was it cruelty or mercy that led to bows drawn over an oak wood path, half a heart beating to the rhythm of a war's end? was it cruelty or mercy that led to a deal for so-called independence that only shackled them all to a nation that saw too much death in its creation and too much gunpowder in its end? cruelty or mercy, when it was by his hands that it died and brought everything it took with it? was it cruelty or mercy, when he chipped and broke and shattered items and homes and shard by battered shard of a child's trust and love and hope, pulled him by his throat to death's edge and then held him back with the same hand? cruelty or mercy, when he did not let him die?

(he laughs through a mouthful of blood and salt and rotten potatoes, unable to hold himself up and unwilling to try. the pain doesn't dull. he learned that long ago, but it surprises him all the same. he knows the answer to that last question. sometimes, it's better not to.)

chess, more than anything, is a game of strategy.

and he is self-aware, despite it all. he knows that he has no tongue of silver, no heart of gold. there is nothing kind in the curve of the smile on his mask and nothing beautiful in the face it hides underneath - but he has pored over battle plans, knows the art of the fight and the grace of teeth against knuckles and the allure of the scrape of a blade against another just as well as he knows the pulse of his own (still-beating) heart.

charm is not the only way to get what you want.

it does not take fake smiles to lay the foundations of his victory, does not take any softened words to get the information he needs. it takes nothing at all to make them all hate him, because they always would and they always will. it does not sting, because he cannot let it.

he has no part to play but that of the monster he is and he will not pretend that he cannot stop, because he can. he will not act like he is not in control of every step he takes, not when he wears his armor so much he half-thinks it must be stitched to his skin. he does not sleep, because he has no appearances to fake. logstedshire is gone, but there is a prison growing on the horizon and a vault beyond the mountains. his words taste bitter in his own mouth, and it's fine. he no longer needs them to seem sweet.

because - in the end, the point they all forgot and what will always have him moving forward and always leave them wanting - any chessmaster knows that to learn to win, you must first learn to sacrifice.

even a fool knows the necessity of losing a few pawns. a better player may tell you that there is no piece not worth losing, if you know what you're doing.

and dream?

the SMP is a far cry from a chessboard, nowhere near as neat, littered with the scars of fights long past and burdened with history too heavy for it to bear. the sides are not simple, and nothing resembling even. paint it black and white, and it becomes unrecognizable.

still, the principles remain, and dream plays the game that he knows no one else is willing to, takes the mantle of villain left for him and goes where no one else will.

(people are not chess pieces, but play your cards right and they can become something scarily close.)

so he learns the meaning of sacrifice and then teaches them all in turn, says he does not give a fuck because his greatest crime will always be that he gave too many. the ground under logstedshire is littered with caverns from TNT - it's a lesson, though he is not sure for whom. he takes the crown from george's head and looks down the point of a crossbow bolt aimed at his throat by someone that once might have been a brother, wears the hatred that only grows in others' hearts just as he does the armor that he no longer takes off. punz leaves because he told him to and ranboo does not because the server has yet to know. the community house was laid down brick by brick, but its end is nowhere near as quick and nowhere near as kind.

he is no stranger to sentiment. still, with the frayed strings of fate dangling from his hands, threads cut by his own axe one by one, he can fool them all but he will not deceive himself. he can still care. he did care, once.

caring will not get him to his goal.

loyalty will not bring the sparks to burn the bridges that let others pull him back, kindness will not let him take the steps that he needs to move him forwards, attachment will leave him a foot short from the goal he has (lost everything) done everything for and let him fail.

it goes like this: to win a game of chess, you must checkmate your opponent's king. it must be under immediate attack with no means of escape.

so when it all ended and everyone ran through the portal, weapons drawn, to the vault he built?

dream never made himself a way out.

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systematicmasspoisoning · 3 years

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Who is Sam's prison for?

If you're not up to date in DreamSMP lore, Awesamdude, resident Redstone expert, was paid stacks of diamonds by Dream to make an inescapable prison. It is located in the ocean next to Bad and Skeppy's mansion and is VERY large. Supposedly it will be using Elder Guardians to keep a prisoner from mining out due to Mining Fatigue. Even if the prisoner dies of hunger, they will respawn inside. This brings up the question of how

1. they force the prisoner to click a bed inside the prison

2. how they keep the prisoner from breaking the bed.

Regardless of the mechanics of the second one, I think the first is a clue as to who Dream will trap inside the prison. Consider the 3 canon deaths lore. He has used the threat of permanently killing Tommy to get the boy to comply and click on a bed in Logstedshire. So a 'permanent death if you don't comply' is definitely an effective tactic but ONLY for people with one life left.

The main two options are Tommy and Tubbo (or Philza). Or, Dream is planning on knocking another one of his potential opponents, such as Quackity, Fundy or Techno, down to one life in the time it takes to build the actual prison.

Quackity and Fundy aren't big enough threats yet, although Quackity certainly has the potential to be a threat, in this season of the SMP, El Rapids isn't big enough of a threat yet.

Most people would assume Dream's biggest enemies on the server are Tommy and Techno. Techno's role in the grand scheme of things is, as of now, undetermined. However, as Techno is one of the authors of this SMP season, he likely has something up his sleeve. He is currently 'retired' alongside Phil in their Antarctic Empire skins in a snowy biome, but he has made appearances in Tommy's streams to mock the boy for getting exiled (just like Techno predicted with the Theseus analogy.) An alliance between the sleepbois is possibly in the works, but right now, both Tommy and Techno have made it clear there is still a lot of animosity between them. So I don't see Techno, and by extension, Phil becoming much of a problem for Dream (for now.)

Tommy, on the other hand, has been visited by Dream almost every stream while Tommy is exiled; Tommy has been manipulated by him, gaslighted and threatened. Despite making the very real threat of giving Tommy his final death, Dream has stopped Tommy from any, um, self-harming actions. Dream told him "I need you alive." Narratively, that means that Dream has plans for Tommy (they are, after all, each other's main antagonist). But Dream has also said that Tommy will remain on exile for a long time and he told Bad and Sam as they were building the prison that he doesn't intend on using the prison on Tommy (unless he begins to act up was implied.)

Because Bad and Sam (and Eret) are working with Dream, I would assume imprisoning anyone from the Badlands is out of the question. But I think it's interesting how Sam is the primary leader of the building project.

Dream said that Sam is the only one who will totally know the ins and outs of the prison. So that possibly means Sam is the only one who would know how to escape the inescapable prison. The interesting thing about Sam being included in this storyline is his connections. He and Tubbo are very close, and Sam is also friends with Tommy. Its not long of a stretch to assume that Sam's storyline might eventually lead to HIM breaking out whoever Dream imprisons. Tommy, for now, is out of the equation, so who does that leave?

Tubbo. Someone who many people are now considering Dream's puppet. Dream has been laying on the manipulation lately, playing chess with him, complimenting him and trying to increase the wedge between Tubbo and Tommy. You would think Tubbo is safe, so long as he remains pacifistic and continues to make decisions that are to Dream's benefit. But there are things going beyond the scenes that we, the audience, need to consider. The script.

Symbolism and chekov's guns have been sprinkled into the story line for a long time, and it feels as though the roleplayers have upped the ante. It's hard to think about Ghostbur' compasses without crying, but I literally can't stop thinking about what they mean. When it comes to the duo, despite their estrangement, Tommy still considers Tubbo one of the most important things in his life. He placed the "Your Tubbo" compass right beside his discs in his enderchest. Meanwhile, Tubbo held his "Your Tommy" compass in his offhand nearly all stream today. They still care for each other, obviously, but think about one of the reasons Tubbo exiled Tommy in the first place.

He felt like Tommy was choosing the discs over everything else. He felt as though the discs were the only thing Tommy cared about. There has to be a resolution to this. It's been shown by the story that the discs and Tommy's other obligations (L'manberg, his friendships) cannot coexist together for long without it driving a wedge between them.

Tubbo has been streaming more Among Us lobbies and modded Minecraft lately. When he comes onto the server, he nearly has nothing to do. He loves big project and building houses, but as of now, Tubbo has so little materials to even bother making a home and his largest project, the ocean monument, has been placed on the backburner while Sam builds the prison. Its almost....its almost like Tubbo is preparing his audience and for a period of time where he has no reason to be on the SMP. If he's imprisoned, that's not very good content to watch, is it? I also noticed that Dream pointedly did NOT tell Tubbo about the prison today, instead referred to it merely as a 'project.'

My biggest theory is that the prison is for Tubbo. Tubbo is complacent to Dream now, sure, but Tubbo is very, very smart, and- most importantly to Dream - he still has one of Tommy's discs. And Dream wants it.

When talking sweet to Tubbo no longer works, I think the prison will be the next best option. Its possible Dream will frame Tubbo for some crime (foreshadowed by how Quackity and George tried to frame Eret for Karl's murder), or someone will threaten to overthrow Tubbo and Dream will bring him to a 'secure location' to protect him. Tubbo is very nervous about losing his one life, as exhibited by the safe room under the L'mamberg podium, and other comments about his fear of becoming the next Ghostbur. Dream said that he would protect Tubbo if someone tried to overthrow him. The only threats to Tubbo's current presidency is El Rapids. Ranboo is willing to wait until the next election to become president, but Quackity has shown a strong willingness to do terrible things in order to get power. In Quackity's war against Eret and Dream, Dream made many, many references to Tubbo being a better leader, possibly sowing jealousy in Quackity's mind. Sapnap, George and Karl, as apart of El Rapids also have a bone to pick with L'manberg and may also play a part in further separating Quackity from L'manberg and fueling his desire to be the most powerful nation on the server. Absorbing New L'manberg could be the next step.

Dream could pretend to protect Tubbo by bringing him to a 'safe location', the prison, and getting Tubbo to willingly set his spawn inside. Once it comes to light that it's a prison, with Dream his captor, Tubbo will have to make a decision. Give Dream the disc in his enderchest, or stay imprisoned. Freedom, or the disc, a compromise that has been made time and time again on this server.

I think that Tubbo will hold out and allow himself to be imprisoned, while Tommy returns from exile to make a prison break, with the help of Sam. I doubt that will end well, knowing Dream.

I also think at some point, one of the boys will need to bend. Either Tubbo choses to give up his disc to Dream for freedom, or he decides to take the disc with him to his grave. Its basically the Exile decision all over again. Life/freedom, or the discs/war. Selfishness vs. selflessness.

The two boys are learning throughout this current arc to be more like the other. Throughout his Exile, Tommy will learn to be self sufficient and has had to make big sacrifices consistently as Dream blows up the progress he's made. He's learning to chose his own life over property. Meanwhile, Tubbo (although he's only streamed on the SMP once so far this week) has already shown regret for exiling Tommy, and inherently by choosing to launch a war campaign against Techno, he is learning to chose war and bravery over peace and cowardice. He will gain an appreciation for the disks and/or recognize with greater understanding what they mean to Tommy. Maybe he will learn to care deeply for his compass and learns how willing he is to wage war if the compass gets stolen. It's about the symbolism - its what the object means that is worth protecting.

I think Tubbo will die protecting the discs. Or, Tommy will tell Tubbo to give it up. This is a better ending, in which Tommy will learn that the discs represent is his friendships. And, according to Ranboo, they also represent power, according to Ranboo. But on the server, according to Wilbur (when he asks Tubbo to spy for him) people have always represented power.

To Tommy, in this arc, I hope he will learn that keeping the discs is not worth losing his best friend.

#dream team #dreamteam #dreamwastaken #mcyt #president tubbo #tubbolive #tubbo #tommyinnit #clingy duo #sleepy bois inc #wilbur soot #ghostbur #awesamdude #quackity #fundy #fundylive

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along-came-atsushi · 3 years

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The search for yourself – An analysis about Tachihara

Several characters in BSD express a wish for home and family. Most of them have either lost their families or were abandoned by them. Especially for those characters, the word ‘family’ expands the definition of being related by blood.

In BSD ‘family’ doesn’t mean people who are related to you, but people who accept you for who you really are and who truly care about you. Some examples would be the relationship between Fukuzawa and Ranpo, or Sigma and how he sees his customers.

Tachihara’s arc deals with the same theme and his search for who he really is.

[Beware: Spoilers for the whole Hunting Dogs Arc!]

His Past:

It’s been shown that Tachihara and his older brother are granted with a similar ability: The ability to create and/or manipulate metal. But Tachihara seemed to be less talented or able to control his ability than his brother, at least in the eyes of his family. When his brother died in the war they were outraged and sad about his death. At the same time, they openly told Tachihara to be the one that should have died in his stead, showing complete disregard for his existence:

Tachihara’s brother thinks positively about his family, given how he talks about them. He knows that they miss him and he himself wishes to return back home. Due to this it’s possible that he doesn’t even notice the difference in his family’s treatment between him and Tachihara, since he never addresses that problem anywhere. Tachihara on the other hand has to feel that no matter who he is and what he does, even ultimately if he’d die, they wouldn’t care for him.

He has been compared to his older brother his whole life and was never accepted as his own person, which leads to him in not understanding who he is and what he should do.

[Side note: I’m not a psychologist, but I read that parents that treat one child as the golden egg (Tachihara’s brother), while treating the other as the black sheep (Tachihara) is a trait found in narcissists. With this they try to have one person who admires them (Tachihara’s brother) and the other who fears them (Tachihara). Considering this and the way Tachihara has been treated by his family, it is highly possible that he is the victim of a narcissistic upbringing. It might be that one family member was a narcissist and with their treatment of Tachihara influenced the other family members to do the same. They joined the narcissist in their behaviour out of fear (acting as enablers), so that they themselves wouldn’t get viewed and treated by the narcissist and others the same way.]

Joining the Hunting Dogs:

After his brother’s death Tachihara ran away from his family and decided to live a life on the streets, trying to survive by stealing and doing other criminal activities, where he then was found by the Hunting Dogs and invited to join them:

The Hunting Dogs highest priority is to protect their country and its citizens, no matter what it takes. They have been shown to let people join them when they realize that those people have an intention to protect others, or are willing to self-sacrifice in order to protect something. (e.g. Jouno offering Kunikida to join after he saw that Kunikida wanted to protect the ADA, Fukuchi offering to train Akutagawa after he realized he was fighting for something.)

But the problem of the Hunting Dogs’ mentality is that they have a black and white view regarding “justice” and “crime”, or people they perceive as “good” and “evil”. They immediately hunt down the ADA without further investigation on their assertions (that they’re innocent and all was a set-up), even expressing joy about torture and killing, when a person is a “criminal” and therefore “evil” in their eyes.

The only way to get rid of your crime is to join them and in this way being useful to them. This results in people involuntarily joining them, because they have no other way, which has been the case with Tachihara. He was found being guilty, because he stole something from them, and then offered of being freed from his crime, but only if he joins them. Which means that he doesn’t join them on his own accord and is then pressured into their black and white morale.

[Side note: Tecchou seems to be the only one able to look on a more greyish view regarding “good” and “evil” people, as seen when he talks with the café owner and promises to not kill Lucy and the ADA. Fukuchi feels guilty for at least having to kill children in the past.]

The Hunting Dogs seem to stick together because they have to, less because they want to. Jouno is annoyed with Tecchou’s behaviour and Tecchou is annoyed by Jouno’s actions. Teruko dares Jouno not to read her heartbeat and with that tries to keep him from getting to know how she truly feels. She also seems to be afraid of Fukuchi for some reason, hence why she butters him up in an extreme and exaggerated way:

Ultimately, Fukuchi their own captain, is the one who plays them all and lies to them the most. They are bound together by their duty and have no real trust in each other.

Tachihara has been shown to feel somewhat uncomfortable when being with the Hunting Dogs and is sometimes weirded out by their behaviours. Even though he is the only one who has no quarrels with his colleagues and gets along with them pretty well, openly expressing concern when Teruko is wounded. But at the same time, he keeps his distance to them and addresses them formally or by their ranks.

While Tachirara talks with Yosano it can be understood that he didn’t join the Hunting Dogs out of his own conviction, but because that way they wouldn’t kill him for his crime. By joining and fighting for them he had a purpose in life and people who needed him because of his ability. He claims to have turned into someone who was “neither my older brother nor his opposite” and that “orders make me who I am.”

Infiltrating Port Mafia:

When Tachihara joins the Port Mafia as a spy and works for the Black Lizard, he is met with a different mentality regarding loyalty and justice. As explained above the Hunting Dogs have a black and white view regarding justice and crime, and people they consider to be good or evil. They express joy about killing and torturing, even though they are considered to be “the good guys”. While the Port Mafia is also known to be extremely cruel, they are not considered as “the good guys”. In other words, the Port Mafia are represented as the “villains”, and the Hunting Dogs are represented as the “heroes” in the eyes of the government.

Although it’s been mentioned that you shouldn’t get too close with anyone in the Port Mafia, forming a close bond with others is still possible. Something that differs the Black Lizard from the Hunting Dogs is that they stick together, e.g. when Higuchi saved Akutagawa, despite the fact that she could’ve died doing so alone, which is something that Tachihara was concerned about:

In the end, the Black Lizard stood behind Higuchi’s decision and followed her, saving Akutagawa in the process. They did so not solely because she was their superior, but because they have trust in her and respect her.

Tachihara playing the Double Agent is similar to Ango’s role during Dark Era. They both joined the “evil” side as a spy, but found people they got close with and care about. Both of them aren’t able to shake off their feelings regarding these people who became dear to them, despite their original orders and mission.

Characters in the BSD universe make friends with people who are on the opposite side or who are their enemies. They also tend to ally with their actual or former enemies, if it means to achieve the same goal.

Tachihara acts way more casual with his Black Lizard colleagues. He calls Hirotsu “gramps”, Higuchi “big sis” and Akutagawa “big bro”, suggesting that he sees them as his family, even though he may do so unconsciously. The Black Lizard have shown to truly care about Tachihara as a person as well, even without knowing about his ability.

They are relieved to know that he isn’t hurt or dead. Furthermore, Hirotsu highly compliments Tachihara and admires him for his mindset and actions. In return, Tachihara feels guilty for having to hurt Hirotsu and Gin, back then already not able to fully betray them.

Playing the Double Agent:

Later on, Tachihara’s true intentions for joining Port Mafia get revealed. He realizes that he used his brother as an excuse, and understands that in reality he was just trying to find his true self. Before that, he told himself that he joined only to get close to Yosano for revenge. During his whole childhood he had been compared to his brother, which left him with major self-doubts and a lack of self-identity. If he wasn’t as good, as useful, as heroic like his brother, he would be nothing. He would have no value:

Tachihara states several times that he “wanted to become someone”. Too insecure and afraid to identify with who he is, he simply decided to take the opposite way his brother took, and identified with the role he was given. First, he was a delinquent and simply “bad”. As a Hunting Dog he was then given the role of a military officer, whose job was to catch terrorists. When he got his order to infiltrate Port Mafia as a spy, he probably tried to identify with just that. But this given mission helped him to get away from his role as a Hunting Dog, and he found a place where he feels he truly belongs to.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that throughout this arc he gets portrayed in a mirror-like way:

It’s supposed to point out his search for himself, and which side he will choose in the end, now that he is learning to trust his own instincts. He slowly steps out of the shadow of his brother and accepts the person he is.

This is possible for him to do, because he has the support of the Black Lizard. During his time with the Hunting Dogs he simply followed orders and had no opinion of his own, but a purpose in life. He did this to please them and being accepted as someone worthy by them. When he rejoins the Hunting Dogs, but secretly still works as a spy in the Port Mafia, he realizes that his mindset already follows that of a Port Mafia member:

Since the Port Mafia has a more greyish view on crime and justice and have clashed with the ADA several times in the past, they turn out to be the ones to truly believe that the ADA were set-up by someone and are not terrorists.

Hirotsu and Gin both encourage and support Tachihara to form an opinion of his own, when he asks them about the ADA’s case, and not to simply believe the false facts:

This is furthermore emphasized by Mori as the Port Mafia’s boss discussing the ADA’s case with the Black Lizard and with this, stating his trust in them:

Due to the circumstance that Tachihara is treated as an equal among his Black Lizard peers and treated with trust, he’s starting to be able to question the accusations against the ADA and comes to the logical conclusion that something is wrong. This later leads him to take the search for the real mastermind into his own hands, instead of simply following orders.

It’s his own opinion and own choice what leads to the tearing of the page and its power, and with it the Decay of Angel’s plan:

This in itself is a very nice twist, because it was something neither Fyodor nor Dazai could know about or orchestrate. They both could only make people go so far and act in a certain way, but not tear through bonds people share with each other. Which gets confirmed when Dazai said that it’s the people on the battlefield making the world turn, and not those planning schemes.

In the end, it’s Mori as the Port Mafia’s boss to decide whether he keeps or kills Tachihara for his betrayal. It’s a rule to kill those who have betrayed the Port Mafia. But Mori already knew which side Tachihara will choose and which side he feels he belongs to, even before Tachihara himself did.

- - - - -

Last but not least, I want to thank the person who requested this meta from me. I hope you enjoyed reading this and that it was worth the wait. I had immense fun writing about characters who usually aren’t on my radar that much. Thank you very much!

[Edit: “he simply followed orders and had no opinion of his own, or a purpose in life” was changed to “he simply followed orders and had no opinion of his own, but a purpose in life“. Which was phrased wrong by me in the original post!]

#Michizou Tachihara #michizou tachihara bsd #Hunting Dogs #Port Mafia #hunting dogs bsd #bsd meta #Bungou Stray Dogs #BSD #my metas #Ougai Mori #Ryuro Hirotsu #Ouchi Fukuchi #Saigiku Jouno #Tecchou Suehiro #Teruko Okura #Ichiyo Higuchi

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rynne · 3 years

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your thoughts on canon divergence fics where LWJ decides to join the BM settlement or he finds out about the GC transfer during or post-SSC. thank you! i enjoy reading your meta o/

Thank you!

So, on the whole, I enjoy these tropes. I love canon divergence AUs. What-ifs are fun! However, most of the ones I've read aren't quite as satisfying for me because they don't seem to recognize the barriers in canon to this happening.

For instance, I think LWJ finding out about the GC transfer, or some sort of similar catalyst, basically has to happen for him joining the Burial Mounds settlement to make sense. In WWX's first life, LWJ is generally a neutral force. He does not work against WWX, but neither does he really work in his favor, despite knowing for a fact that the Wen remnants are a bunch of old people and a kid. My interpretation of LWJ in this time period is that he's pulled between his love for WWX and his respect for orthodoxy and duty to his sect, so he basically stands still. It's not a single-log bridge into the dark, but LWJ is performing his own balancing act here.

Nightless City forces a choice on him. Nightless City shows him that if he does not do something, he will lose WWX. And we know that, when the choice is forced on him, he does choose WWX. He does choose to protect WWX after Nightless City, even against his own elders and knowing that the personal consequences for himself are likely to be dire.

For LWJ to make that choice before Nightless City means that something else has to serve as a catalyst for him realizing his priorities. We know that he wouldn't just join the BM settlement on his own, because he didn't. The pull of orthodoxy and his sect was too strong. Something has to make the pull of WWX stronger.

Finding out about the GC transfer is a reasonable choice. It would show LWJ that he has been making assumptions about WWX that were not true. We don't know a whole lot about LWJ's thought process during this period, but it would make sense for one of the reasons the pull from WWX wasn't as strong to be because LWJ was concerned about his cultivation, his reasons for it and where his path with it would lead. If he finds out the reasons, it makes sense that LWJ might feel his pull towards WWX to be strong enough that he chooses him at this point.

It's not the only potential catalyst. I've read several fics where WWX nearly died in the ambush at Qiongqi Path, and that forced LWJ to make a choice. There just needs to be something to force LWJ's choice.

I tend to be happier with the fics that stop here. However, many continue into full fix-its, and there's nothing wrong with that, but I don't think I've ever read one that recognizes the canon barrier that is JC. JC is the one who named WWX an enemy to the sects when he didn't have to, and JC is the one who threw a self-centered unsupportive fit about the core transfer when he found out about it. Fics that do not recognize and respect the impact of JC's canon negative reactions to WWX's morality and sacrifices are less satisfying to me because of what that means for the canon barrier to things going well.

If JC would have reacted well to the core transfer if only WWX had told him earlier, if JC would have supported him if he knew, then that means that WWX was stupid for not telling him. Either that or he really is so self-sacrificing that he would rather keep himself and all of the Wen remnants, including A-Yuan, in danger rather than inconvenience JC in any way. These implications distort WWX's characterization and choices in a way that I find frustrating.

So basically, I do enjoy the concept of these AUs, but I find them less satisfying if they don't properly recognize and deal with the barriers that prevented the story from going well for WWX at this point.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #this is what makes an au satisfying for me #so there are plenty of people who don't need these things #and that's fine #and on a less meta-y note #I also want wwx to find a way to get another golden core #because it makes me sad if lwj has one and wwx doesn't #anyway here's more meta #so I hope you enjoyed it! XD #asks #anon

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tg-headcanons · 3 years

Text

Touka Was Done So Dirty So I Must Analyze It

I have a lot to say about how poorly Tokyo Ghoul turned out. There was so much wasted potential, so much meaningless angst, so many straight relationships crammed where they didn’t need to be, and so many sudden, anticlimactic plot points. But of all of the mishandling and poor choices, I think that Touka’s treatment is the worst.

Touka was a complex and interesting character. She was raised by loving parents, one of whom died early, the other lived a little longer while doing everything he could to impart lessons to keep her and her brother alive. When he died she was suddenly forced to become her brother’s guardian and rush out into a world that is so much less forgiving than her father was. They got taken in by her uncle and his friends, housed and fed, and she even got the opportunity to pursue an education which is a monumental luxury to ghouls. Despite resenting humans for the way her family was massacred and she is forced to live, she became close to a human, looking past her trauma for a friendship she cherishes. Her brother reacted badly to the idea of her being around such a dangerous person who could have them killed like their parents were, and ran off to join Aogiri, leaving her and her uncle as the last remnants of their family.

Touka is angry, and id say rightfully so. Her parents murder, being forced to grow up far too fast, being forced to live in this war she was drafted into at birth, any one thing would be enough to fuck someone up. She has all that going on, so understandable, she’s going to be pissed at the world. If it ended there it would be perfect, a great starting point for a character to delve deep into the concepts of society shaping identity, but then the worst happened

Touka is an archetype I like to call ”Angry Teen Girl”

Before we talk about the archetype, let’s talk about teen girls in real life, specifically how they’re treated by society. The teen girl in the public eye is simultaneously the epitome of beauty who is seductive and manipulative and lustful, as well as airheaded and shallow and naive and pure. The way that changes has to do with the convenience of the adult male onlooker. She’s A tactical mastermind when she doesn’t want to fuck you and she’s an airhead when she has opinions. She’s a prude when she doesn’t respond to advances and a whore when she wears a t-shirt. Most importantly, she’s a silly stupid baby when she demands independence and respect, and a grown woman who should know better when she acts her age

Teen girls don’t have the same understanding that boys their age do. When a teen boy messes up its “oh he’s 15 he’s still learning.” When a teen girl messes up its “shes 15 shes practically an adult she should know better by now.” Because adult men have decided the teen girl is desirable, she’s forced to grow up faster to save them the shame of acknowledging that she is a literal child. And after being treated like stupid children and sexy mature adults, teen girls are rightfully angry. This is so universal, so all encompassing, that almost every teen girl has this undercurrent of anger and grief at how they’d been socialized. Because of that, it too is brushed off as “stupid teen girls and their silly little feelings.”

This is where the Angry Teen Girl trope comes in. There is so much history behind women’s treatment, so many valid reasons for a teenage girl to be pissed, but this character is almost always played off as a joke. Either a joke or something to fix.

Back to Touka, let’s run through this again, this time through her eyes. Her family was perfect until it was taken violently away, she had to become violent against her dead fathers wishes to protect her little brother, that little brother who she was forced to sacrifice her bloodless life for left her for having a single friend, she lived her whole life knowing that no matter who she is or what she does the world hates her and she’s going to be murdered by the state. She has to deal with all of this, and then she meets Kaneki, who tells her to her face that he’s better than her because he was human, not realizing that not eating people is a privilege from birth that she never had. Touka is angry, and Touka is a child. A traumatized child who isn’t in the right for her violent reaction, but isn’t an adult with a peaceful world who knows better

Now if people just hated her for that then fine, but there is a huge overlap of the people who hate Touka for her aggressive personality, and people who love ayato. For every “she’s a bitch who’s so mean and super violent and shouldn’t be killing investigators when she doesn’t need to and deserves getting hurt” there’s a “he’s a sweet boy who’s trying his best and he killed all those people because he’s traumatized.” More and more, it’s clear that the same sympathy given to ayato, the much more violent and aggressive sibling, is not given to his sister. Right off the bat, she’s easy for many to dismiss because the misogynistic tropes that made her are fully reinforced

She is established as a complex person who simultaneously resents humanity for how ghouls are treated and doesn’t want them dead. She’s aggressive to her loved ones as a way to protect them and kills investigators so they don’t have the chance to threaten them. She’s angry because of how she spent her whole life just barely avoiding death at the hands of a genocidal government, she’s angry that she has to live this way, she’s even angry that she had to become violent at all and couldn’t live the peaceful life she could have had

But because she is an Angry Teen Girl, nothing matters except “But She’s such a bitch”

Now Touka at this point is still a great character, but things go south fast. The focus shifts from the world and complex relationships to Kaneki. Out of nowhere, Touka is pining after him. Out of nowhere, she has feelings for him. It was more convenient to just Insert Romance instead of developing them. Even if it stopped here Touka would still be a great character, but it didn’t.

After she fled anteiku, her character died. Not only was she completely cast aside during Ken’s Plot Convenience And Honestly Lazy Amnesia arc, but everything behind her character was stripped to its bare bones

You see, the Angry Teen Girl is only a teen for so long, and she can become one of two things: Hysterical sad evil woman or Calm Momwife. It’s a problem a lot of male authors have of only seeing a woman’s anger as a character flaw. In order to keep her as a hero, her anger needs to be “fixed,” and even that isn’t done well.

Suddenly, her drive is gone. Her love of Yoriko is completely abandoned, as is her reason to care for average humans. Her ambitions of collage and success are cast aside. Her complicated feeling towards her brother become “oh I get it it’s all cool I love him and just want him safe no hard feelings haha.” By the time we see her in Re:, she is no longer Touka. She is just the Momwife personality she got crammed into because Ishida just couldn’t think of a use for this previously complex character than “Wife And Mom.”

I’m not saying that she should have stayed angry and aggressive, but she should have stayed consistent, she should have changed over time and for coherent reasons. Such pivotal parts of her character are unceremoniously thrown out, we don’t even get a good explanation for why she turned out that way. Yes, she could rebuild her family with her brother, but it should have been built up to. Yes, she could leave Yoriko behind, but it should have any reason for it at all. Hell, I’m a die hard Hidekane fan, but I’d say she could have had a great romance with Kaneki if it didn’t come out of nowhere

She was “calmed” by having her dreams stripped from her after losing anteiku. She was given her “happy ending” by getting knocked up from desperate and uncomfortable pity sex. She was a girl who wanted to go to collage and protect her loved ones, she had queer undertones of being in love with her human fried, she had reasonable aggression as a self defense mechanism. Any one of these things could spring into an arc of their own.

But all that was thrown out in favor of being the most convenient straight love interest for Kaneki, though her personality was so incompatible with him that it had to be stripped bare to even pretend it works

If she had been given the same treatment as her brother and had her anger treated as a byproduct of the way she’s forced to survive rather than a self caused character flaw, she could have been perfect. If she’d been kept in the focus and not shoved aside for so much of Re:, she would have been good. If any part of her character at all stayed in tact, she would have been fine. But instead she’s reduced to either a Bitchy Child or Momwife. She was so interesting, and I wish her character didn’t get gutted for the sake of her male family and rushed love interest

#tokyo ghoul #rant #touka kirishima #ayato kirishima #tokyo ghoul meta #tokyo ghoul criticism

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kaz11283 · 3 years

Note

I really like the prompt list you reblogged it’s got some good stuff. What about 37. “Because I love you god damn it!” with Loki if you are still needing inspiration.

37) Because I Love You God Damn It!

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The Secret Is Out

Characters: the Avengers Bunch, Loki, Thor, Clint

Warnings: Dirty words, slight angst

Summary: after putting your life in the line for a teammate you accidentally let a big secret slip.

Announcements: I will always need insperation and requests! They feed my soul! Haha. I'm not gonna lie. Im skipping back and forth on my requests though. I have a really good story line for one but its just so emotional(thats were Im hoping it goes at least) that I didnt want to write it tonight and put my self in a mood. So instead I guess im goimg with a form of anger? Meh. Anyways... I absolutly love love love everything from you guys! The reblogs, likes, and comments are amazing and I am very greatful for all the love I am getting!!!! 💚💚💚💚💚

Loki Masterlist

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The fight had been rough but not as rough as you were feeling in the moment. You had gotten serverly hurt and had been in the medbay for about a week now and you had a longer road ahead. There had been an explosion and instead of turning to run away you had ran toward one of your team members that had been to distracted to realize what was going on, you had successfully gotten him shoved out of the way but you had taken the brunt of the blast.

Now you were laying here staring at the celing trying to stay distracted as Bruce and Tony looked at your completely shaddered knee and the burns up your leg. Fingers crossed that they would have good news soon.

"Well as of right now kid your out of commission." Tony said helping you sit back up.

"Meaning?" You pulled one of the pillows down so that you could sit up without being uncomfortable.

"Meaning right now, the way it all looks, your gonna be stuck in the bed until it fully heals and after wards theres really no way to tell if your going to be able to work in the field again." Burce said looking at the xrays again. "And your gonna have to have surgery in order to put all the right pieces back in the right places, but we cant really do that until some of the burns heal or at least start to heal. Its gonna be a long drawn out process unfortunately." He sighed setting the charts back down and walking over to you.

"Fucking hell! You mean I'm gonna be pushing paper work? I might as well go work in a damn office with four white walls and a poster that says 'hang in there, its almost Friday'." You placed your head in your hands.

"Hey! At least our paper work is more exciting than just running numbers." Tony said placing a hand on your back. He had been like a fsther to you, taking you in when you didnt have anywhere else to turn except the streets. Your own family had abandoned you at a young age and you had been leaning toward a dark path until Tony. "Besides with your expertise you dont have to sit behind a desk, your fingers arent blown off, you can still hack into stuff I'm sure."

"Tony we had a deal when I moved in. No hacking but you would train me and I could actually do good. Now look at me."

"I said no hacking the good guys, and if I remember correctly you were the one jumping close to the bomb not away from. I hate to be this way y/n but the only one to blame is yourself on this one."

"He would have been worst off than I am if not killed. I think I did the right thing. Besides you would have done the same thing if you had been closer." You sighed.

"Honey the diffrence with that is I have a supersuit, you wear a skin tight, spandex one peice, that I'm not a fan of." He laughted. Bruce had went to go get you some more pain killers to shoot into your IV.

"Tony if I were you I would shut up. Your starting to sound like you might actually love me, might even say your starting to act like a dad." You laughed pulling him into a hug.

"Shut it kid, cant let the others know I have a soft spot for the hacker orphan kid i took in all those years ago now can I." He said kissing the top of your head. "Do you need anything else before the drugs kick in and you pass out again?"

"Yes, can you please bring me my phone charger, laptop, and that really fluffy blanket that you and Pep got for me for Christmas."

"Dont ask to much of me now."

"I wouldnt be asking if you would just let me stay in my room. I hate it down here. I wanna be were the people are." You were starting to get loopy from whatever Bruce had given you.

"Ok little mermaid, get some rest I'll get your stuff." He laughed walking out the door letting you fall into a restless sleep.

You didnt know how long you hade been asleep but you woke up with a groan trying to sit up so you could atleast stretch your back from laying in one spot for to long. You flopped back down dramatically with a sigh. You could sense someine else in the room with you, you always knew when he was around.

"You dont have to hide in the shadows Loki. Your more than welcome to keep me company, you should know that by now." You smiled as the prince walked over and sat in the chair beside you. You could tell he hadnt been sleeping, his hair was fixed as always but his clothes looked worst for wear. He had on a plain black shirt and a pair of gray sweat pants, both of with had wrinkles in them either from tossing and turning or from not being changed in a few days.

"Whats wrong? And dont pull that 'nothing is wrong dear. I'm absolutly fine.' Bullshit. You look horrible." You reatched out to grab his hand. What you and Loki had was diffrent. You didnt just see his as a friend, he didnt just see you as that either though. You had spent many nights sitting up with the silver tounge man many nights laying on the couch watching movies, reading, talking about each of your pasts. He knew more about you than even Tony did.

"I'm still currently trying to wrap my head around why you pushed me out of the way and took the blow when you had a chance of dying from it. You shouldnt have been so thick headed my dear." He took your hand and raised it to his lips kissing the top of your hand.

"Loki." You sighed rolling your head to look back up at the celing. "You would have been hurt alot wordt than I am now, that blast could have killed you."

"I am a god y/n, that blast wouldnt have caused me nearly as much damage as it did you." His voice raised slightly.

"Thats what you think. You think that because you are "immortal" that you can take anything thats thrown at you. That no one really cares about you, that you wouldnt be missed? So why not try to take a blow from a bomb? My god your so stupid sometimes."

"I know I can. Norns y/n I've jumped into space, been brain washed, tried to take over New York, gotten smashed around by the Hulk. I was raised with Thor, he doesnt really go easy on a person. What I'm saying is I dont understand why you, a mear midguardian, would sacrifice themselves for me. If anything would have happened-"

"Nothing did happen though. I'm fine-"

"You have steel sticking from your leg, theres no telling when or even if you'll be able to walk again, and there are highly server burns that will leave scares. You cannot sit there and tell me that you are fine."

"Your right it does suck that I'm jot gonna be able to pull off shorts or a bikini anymore."

"This isnt a joke y/n. You almost died!" He finally yelled.

"And i would do it a thousand times over if that ment saving your damn ass again!" You shouted back.

"Why though?! Why me y/n? I've done horrible things, killed people! My life is meaningless." Tears had sprang to his eyes as he looked away.

"Because I love you God damn it!" You stopped suddenly your jaw dropping at the admission that you hadnt ment for him to hear. His head jerked back to you.

"What?" Shock was all over his face as he stood to walk closer to you. "What did you just say?"

"Because I love you Loki Odinson. Because if you were to die I dont think I would be able to go on living. Because even if you see all the bad things that you've done I can look pass that amd see all the good that you are doing." You reached up placing a hand on his cheek and wiping away a tear.

"I love you too y/n. I have since the day I met you. The girl that didnt care what anyone said when she spent time with me. The girl that can see through every face i put on. I love you so much darling." He placed his hand on your face and leaning down gently kissing your lips.

It felt like you thought it always should you felt electricity run through your body and the two of you connected. It was like getting a breath after not being able to for so long. He pulled away smiling at you.

"What do we tell the others?" He asked laying on with bed with you being easy with your leg. He placed his arm around your middle and pulled you as close as he could.

"I honestly dont care what we tell them. They can figure it out themseves for all I care." You smiled lacing your fingers with his, you yawned placing your head on his shoulder closing your eyes.

"Sleep now my Dove, I will be here when you wake." He felt your gentle breath slow as you fell asleep, the rhythm you of your breath lulling him into his own sleep.

Tony and Bruce walked in the next morning stopping dead at the sight in front of them. You and Loki were still cuddled on the small bed sleeping peacefully.

"Should we wake them up?" Bruce asked looking at Tony.

"Na, let them sleep. Dont want to let them know that we know." Tony saod grabbing Bruce's arm and turning to walk back out of the door.

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