#i only watched the movie once so hopefully this is all accurate

[collieii]

someone probably said this already but in spiderverse i think it's interesting how when pavitr was first introduced everyone thought something bad was gonna happen to him bc of how confident and optimistic he was. and then in the actual movie we see that something bad was supposed to happen to him (police chief dying!) but it doesn't! miles stops it! and miguel berates miles for this, says it's going to cause the universe to collapse or whatever.

there's this idea that tragedy is inherent to spidermans growth, and while it's true that some spiderpeople learn important lessons through loss, no one stops to ask, is it really necessary? yeah, maybe the chief was supposed to die. but why does spiderman have to be formed through tragedy? why do we (as heroes) have to let people die? pavitr didn't lose anyone, and he's still a good spiderman! maybe, if he doesn't suffer, he'll end up better off for it!

so while miguel is arguing for all this big picture stuff about saving the multiverse he's lost sight of what it really means to be a spiderman, he's not looking out for the real individual people. yeah it's just one person who would die, but that one person means something to someone. shrugging and saying "stuff just sucks sometimes, we can't do anything about it" is the opposite of what superheroes do. pretty obviously, miles arc is also a reflection of the struggles people face in real life, working within unequal systems, where it's easy to shrug and say "that's just the way it is" and not ask "but why does it need be this way? can't we do something about it?"

miguel is arguing that you can't have your cake and eat it too. presumably, miles and co. are going to find a way to get around that and change things for the better (and maybe that's why miles has that line about two cakes in the advisors office!)

#across the spiderverse #across the spider verse spoilers #break from my regularly scheduled trigun posting for spider posting #i'm actually kinda eh on the idea of the canon and police chiefs dying it is not my favorite plot point #but like any sane person i love spiderverse so #actually still think i like the first one more but wroaw much to think about #spiderverse #atsv #.lieii #i only watched the movie once so hopefully this is all accurate #i feel like this is all really obvious my point was like #pavitr being an example of a spiderperson who is still successful without going through all these awful things #and you think despite all this stuff about the multiverse how does he feel about the chief being saved? hes probably rly grateful right? #i mean maybe something terrible will happen to him in the next movie but. yk what im saying #.lieii txt

[joachimnapoleon]

My Napoleon Review

I really wanted to like this movie. When it was first announced, I was one of the people in our little community here with a hopefully-optimistic, wait-and-see approach. I wanted to love it the same way I loved Gladiator and Kingdom of Heaven and other historical epics that, despite not being historically accurate, still managed to hook me with good storytelling, excellent casts, and memorable battle scenes and imagery. Ridley Scott's Napoleon has none of the above.

You know what I liked about it? The uniforms. The uniforms looked magnificent and were probably the most accurate aspect of the movie. Almost like Scott had help from historians, but that can't be the case, because Scott says he didn't actually need historians to make Napoleon.

What I was not expecting from this movie was to be bored. Yet that's what I was, for at least the first hour and a half. I'm honestly just perplexed by this even now. I don't know how it's actually possible to make the life of Napoleon Bonaparte so thoroughly uninspiring and dull, but Scott managed to pull it off.

To be fair, he was aided in this superhuman effort by Joaquin Phoenix. I never in my wildest dreams could've seen him doing such a poor job with his interpretation of Napoleon. But honestly, the fact that he's too old for the role actually ended up being the least of what I disliked about this performance, which was basically everything. The early reports coming out when the movie was still being produced about Phoenix putting a lot of effort into understanding Napoleon's psychology gave me what turned out to be a completely misguided hope. When you read descriptions of Napoleon from his contemporaries, you see an energetic, charismatic, vibrant being who exerted an almost inexplicable magnetism that drew people to him and inspired devotion and admiration, even among his critics. There is nothing even remotely inspiring, energetic, charismatic, or vibrant about Phoenix's grim, dour, monotoned Napoleon. He only ceases being grim and dour to become a clown, or to indicate to Josephine in some undignified manner that he is once again in need of sex (at one point he actually oinks repeatedly). In one scene he literally crawls under the dining room table towards her on all fours, while the embarrassed valets watch.

The relationship between Napoleon and Josephine is totally devoid of chemistry. Kirby's acting was fine, but she was given a trash script to work with. At one of their early meetings, Josephine flat-out spreads her legs in front of Napoleon, invites him to look down, and declares that once he sees what's down there, he'll never stop wanting it. It was the cringiest scene imaginable, and frankly an insult to the real Josephine's memory, as were the pathetic sex scenes. The scene of the official divorce is stripped of any dignity by Scott, who decided to have Josephine randomly chuckle at various points while reading her statement, and then made it even worse by having Napoleon actually slap her across the face.

Even the battle scenes were a joke for the most part, and that was the one area where I was certain this movie would shine. It's the usual fare of Side A charges across an open field at Side B, with no discernible tactics whatsoever. Napoleon yells "Send in the infantry!" Shortly after that, "Send in the cavalry!" Corps, regiments etc are just nonexistent; the armies are just big masses hurtling towards each other while the artillery blasts continuously. The Borodino battle scene lasts maybe two minutes and was just disappointing on every level, like damn near everything else in this movie.

Oh, remember that bit from one of the trailers of Napoleon charging headlong, saber drawn? That actually occurs during the Borodino scene. The battle during which real-life Napoleon was uncharacteristically lethargic (and possibly ill) and barely left his tent. And then to top it off, Scott also has Napoleon ride into the fray during the Waterloo scene, and start cutting English soldiers down with his saber like Mel Gibson's William Wallace in Braveheart. I almost fell out of my chair laughing.

The guy they cast to play Wellington appeared to be at least 60 years old. Christopher Plummer he was not. I'm actually planning to watch Waterloo sometime this weekend as a pallet-cleanser.

I imagine the eventual four hour director's cut Scott has spoken of will flesh the narrative out more, but I'm not even sure I'm interested in seeing it after this. I can only hope the rumored Spielberg HBO series on Napoleon will transpire and put in the effort that Scott was not willing to.

Well, the good news is that Rod Steiger is no longer my least favorite Napoleon.

#Napoleon #Napoleon Bonaparte #Ridley Scott #movies

[smolvenger]

i know u have been feeling stressed and hopefully this might make u feel better but for a request steve rogers x reader and theyre on their honeymoon

Hi there nonny!!!

Awww, I love that! Steve is the sweetest cinnamon roll so of course we have to write it!!!! This is so sweet, I have to!!! I hope you like it and it's accurate enough, it's my first time writing for him!

No warnings, just tooth rotting fluff!

Honeymooning with America's Ass, Steve Rogers, would include...

Poor boy has never flown before so you have to arrange the details. Once you are packed up and ready to go, he is fascinated by a modern airport. You have to hold his hand so he doesn't get lose because he likes looking in all the shops and different restaurants!

You finally get in and he gets nervous when the plane takes off so you laugh and hug him. You go "darling...you fought Red Skull, but a plane going up makes you scared?!" teasingly and kiss his cheek.

It's a long flight so you show him how to watch movies and play games on the little device thingies that are on airplens and he stays awake the whole time playing on it.

So then you guys...spend the honeymoon in ITALY!!!!

You go around to see such tall, ancient buildings. Far more ancient than Mr. Brooklyn has ever dreamt. At one point, the tour guide calls this building young since it was built in 1673 and he just stares dumbfounded!

But Steve would pick up Italian quickly. He likes calling you Italian terms of endearment like "mia/o carino/a" or "mia/o angelo/a" to make you smile.

Of course, he has to start the day by cuddling you! Though he is too excited to get up and can only take so much cuddling- like an excited puppy!

He remembers enjoying Italian places in Brooklyn when his mom and he would go to celebrate something. So he loves trying Italian cuisine. Telling you stories about his mother- and about how much she would have loved you.

He always holds your gelato like a gentleman <3 As tempted as he is, he never takes a bite of yours, he wants his new spouse to enjoy them.

However, at one point, a pickpocket creeps by you and grabs your wallet. You let out a shout and gasp as he breaks into a run.

Boy did that asshole make a mistake considering your supersoldier hubby.

Steve just fucking BOOKS IT. The pickpocket turns around and gasps. He tries to run, but Steve gets closer to him in a few steps and decks the guy until he falls easily, kicking him until he's flying like a soccer ball through the air. He then grabs your wallet throws the pickpocket to the cobbled ground and returns your wallet.

You go to all sorts of incredible art museums. Steve himself loves to doodle and when you take sitting breaks, he tries to make little copies of them. You put his hand gently over his and lean into his cheek as he does, holding his free hand.

Of course, since a lot of Italian people tend to have darker hair, they make huge eyes at his blonde locks. Some even try to flirt with him, but he quickly pushes them aside to give you a hug or flash them the new wedding band, assuring you with small kisses. There are smiles and looks of jealousy- the incredibly handsome blonde man is your husband and yours alone, as you are his.

He talks to and befriends everyone. Old ladies in cathedrals praying and kissing their crucifix necklaces. Children running around streets and jumping sunburnt into the sea. Fellow tourists in wide hats and billowy shirts. Chefs of mom-and-pop shops with rosy cheeks and loud, boisterous voices and stories in every dish.

It only makes you love him more.

#carrie writes #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #I know this whoopsie daisy became a tom/loki blog but gotta show some respect for my boy steve too! #fluff #tooth rotting fluff #reader x steve rogers #captain america #captain america headcanons #stever rogers headcanons #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x fem!reader #steve rogers fanfiction #marvel au #honeymoon fics #chris evans #chris evans characters #mcu imagine #marvel imagine #mcu fanfiction #marvel fic #marvel fanfiction #avengers x reader #mcu x reader

[artsywriter25]

Let’s talk about the Kung Fu Panda 4 Trailer 

Okay, we finally got the trailer after waiting for so many months! 

First things first, my reaction to the trailer. I thought it was decent, I didn’t react too much but that doesn’t mean I didn’t like it. I couldn’t stop smiling seeing Po again, I was expecting to see more but this is just a tease. There probably is more that they can’t show us just yet. I watched this trailer multiple times. I’m gonna go on and talk about the things I like and things that I didn’t like. 

=

The Pros: 

- The animation looks great as always. I was hoping they add in the hybrid animation but the one they’re using is still amazing. 

- Po is now using his jade staff to make combo moves which is awesome and I can't wait to see the creative battles. 

- I like Zhen so far and Aquafina’s voice fits her. I know people are saying her design looks weird but I think it looks fine, and I have liked Aquafina since seeing The Farewell. 

- The Chameleon looks beautiful! If you pause during her transformations she actually looks scary. DreamWorks made a frecking chameleon scary, how do they do that?!

- I like how they kept the animals at their accurate heights like it took me the fifth watch to realize how small Chameleon was compared to Tai Lung yet she took him down easily. 

-Speaking of Tai Lung, he is so back! The fact that he is on the poster could be hinting at a possible redemption arc so for those die-hard Tai Lung fans out there, I’m happy for you. 

-I’m also happy they even got Ke Huy Quan to join the cast. I grew up watching The Goonies and after seeing him in Everything Everywhere all at once, I said that he should be in a KFP film and I’m glad he is.

The Cons:

- The jokes are okay, the only one that made me laugh was Po choking on the flower petals. I hate fart jokes, I know that’s what made DreamWorks famous like Sherk but it doesn’t fit well with KFP. Hopefully that’s the only one and there are not too many gross jokes. 

- I like we’re getting new characters but I’m afraid they won’t be complex characters with arcs of their own but just there as comic relief. 

- I’m already annoyed by those crazy rabbits. 

- Tai Lung cannot catch a break. First, his chi was taken from Kai and now the Chameleon took his chi, I hope he doesn’t end up as a punching bag for the rest of the film. 

-I noticed there is a lack of a color theme, I had always theorized it would be purple but I keep seeing gold, green, and white. That’s not a good sign.

- Okay this is just my nick-pick but I was shocked to find out they got Viola Davis voicing the villain. I like her in some movies but she gives me this impression of those actresses with big egos. Honestly, her voice is nice but I need a full clip of her to get a full impression. 

- Lastly, there is no Furious Five. I saw how the fandom is freaking out about this, but I think they are in the movie, just not for long. While I’m sad we don’t see them, the reality is there really is no other purpose for them but to help Po. I still think they may show up at the end for the final battle. I don’t know what the actors are doing right now, but Seth Rogan came out with his movie this year, TMNT: Mutant Mayhem, so he’s probably busy writing the sequel. As for Tigress, I won’t be surprised if she doesn’t have speaking lines because Angelia Jolie is too busy dealing with her personal issues and her divorce right now. 

=

Okay I got the pros and cons out of the way, now I want to talk about what I think may happen in KFP4. There are some things I’ve noticed in the trailer and I have too many theories and so many questions running in my head and I need to write it out. 

So Po’s Jade staff is definitely going play an important role in the story, it seem to have a connection to both the living world and the spiritual world. My guess is the Chameleon wants the staff for a higher purpose of her plan or she needs it to travel to the spirit world herself. We can see her summoning spirits over to the living world, capturing them, and literally eating their chi away. Chi is what helps the spirits stay in living world but Tai Lung’s chi was taken and we don’t know how this will affect him. He may be stuck there until he can get his chi back. 

I noticed in one shot of the trailer there are these strange boxes in the room where Tai Lung was fighting and I realized those are cages. The Chameleon is probably planning on keeping the villains as prisoners to take more chi from them. Knowing Po, he’s going to see this as wrong and wants to save the villains. I know it’s a stretch but I think it could happen. It would be so cool seeing Po, Tai Lung, Shen and Kai working together to take down the Chameleon.

But the question is what is her motive in all this? Why does she say to Po ‘we are not so different you and I’? If she is a powerful sorcerer then why does she need his staff? They better not say that she was never taken seriously enough, there’s gotta be more to it.

And there is Zhen, who I want to know the most. I’m sure they would show some flashbacks to her story and show why she became a criminal. For some reason, I keep thinking she maybe leading Po to a trap, which I hope that’s not the case, but she seems to know more than she lets on. Po didn’t know who the Chameleon was until Zhen explained to him and she knows where she lives. I hope she doesn’t end up being a backstabber because this character is supposed to be the next Dragon Warrior, it would be hard to forgive her if they went that route. 

But these are just my theories and questions that I have. There’s really nothing else to say other than despite my cons, I’m still hyped to see this film and praying to god this will be still good. They may put up another trailer later on, if it’s good enough I’ll write my reaction to it too.

But tell me what you guys think? 

#kung fu panda #kung fu panda 4 #kfp 4 #dreamworks #po #zhen #the chameleon #discussion #sorry took me long to write this out #busy since the holidays are coming #my thoughts #artsy's writing

[imagionationstation]

DA BOIS

I SAW THE MOVIE

I WAS INTRODUCED TO THE UTTER NONSENSE THAT IS MM /aff

I HAVE THOUGHTS

NOT, LIKE, ANALYSIS WHICH MAY COME LATER

JUST THOUGHTS

AND SPOILERS

So I’m studying the boys and at first I was just “They really are leaning into this whole teen thing, huh” but then I thought back to every memory I have of my brothers and how they interacted and was just like- OH

OH WAIT

THIS IS ACCURATE

🤣 The bacon and egg scene- literally my brothers in a nutshell. The constant quotes and references- a little on the nose, but accurate.

BUT I SPENT

THE ENTIRE MOVIE

Waiting to see which turtle would spike my patented they need some hurt/comfort and at first I was leaning towards Leo- BUT THEN WHEN THAT BUS/TRUCK (I forget exactly what it was) FLEW STRAIGHT AT DONNIE AND MIKEY’S WATCHING IN HORROR AND DONNIE IS STUMBLING AND HURT AND OBLIVIOUS AND LOOKS ONLY HALF PRESENT-

Hands down. That got me.

I has a favorite and he’s so innocent and bright-eyed and deserves injury and kidnapping. I will make this happen.

The boys as a family were so fluffy and vibrant and relatable.

The boys as individuals…?

Leo has personality and concerns and attachments and a crush and flaws and strengths and he just felt like an person.

The rest seemed kinda… Plain. Raph had the anger thing going for him, but I have a hard time distinguishing Mikey’s and Donnie’s personalities. Mikey was friendly and liked improve, but that was never really touched on at all. In battle or otherwise- Donnie was the one who was thinking fast and taking the lead when talking to the Superfly. And Donnie was the one who Leo described as the best with people.

I’m not exactly sure what Mikey had going for him…

Donnie isn’t much of a techie, other than his headphones and phone, which is only used casually. He can drive and read comics, but that’s not really an abnormal teen thing. Like, any of his brothers couldn’t have driven using game skills? Or come up with a comic/movie solution to defeat Superfly?

That’s more nitpicks than anything tho. I might have missed things as well- it’s only my first watch. You shouldn’t make any firm decisions or judgements based on a first meeting. Hopefully, I’ll spot differences between them later on or they’ll flush out the characters more in the series.

They pushed a LOT into this movie. Everything was happening all at once. Like, they didn’t skip a BEAT when shifting from evil mutants trying to kill the boys to TCRI is locking them up.

And what the heck did Leo expect April to do?? SHE WAS ON A HIGHWAY BRIDGE?? DID HE EXPECT HER TO JUMP DOWN- SHE’S COMMENTED ON HOW CRAZY THEIR ROOFTOP TRAVEL IS! What makes him think she can do that??? 🤣🤣

At the very least she had to bike around and off the bridge to do anything, and he would have been unconscious by then. Boi just like “she abandoned us 🥺” when she could have been trying to help them while they were being loaded before going to get Splinter.

All hypothetical, of course. Would make for a good OneShot tho.

I like how the April betrayal was just a “I guess I was wrong” type of disappointment and not some dramatic heartbreak, because that feels more realistic to me. Relieved the crush wasn’t played off for laughs and all the brothers seemed disappointed.

April was such a good teen. They never played her off as anything but a normal person who didn’t have quite the right amount of self-preservation. Probably where the journalism comes in.

She was also a good representation that you don’t need green skin to not fit in. Life is hard, man, and I hope the series explores that even tho people don’t scream when they see them, that doesn’t mean life will be any less difficult. School is still prey grounds and people are still predators .

OMGEE SUPERFLY THO

DUDE WAS SCARY. BUT THE WHOLE TIME. I WAS WATCHING.

I COULDN’T NOT LIKE HIM FOR BEING EVIL

Dude got his daddy KILLED after daddy talked about raising him and his siblings and being a loving family by a bunch of weapon-using scary humans that also tried to kill them WHILE HE WAS A BABY

TCRI CREATED A FORMATIVE MEMORY THAT WAS STRAIGHT TRAUMA! OF COURSE HE HATES HUMANS-

That poor fly 🥺😔

The parallel between Splinter and Superfly was interesting. Felt a tiny bit forced at the end there, but I can respect it. Can’t dictate a fam’s every choice. That’s not fair. Gotta let your fam be free to grow and make their own mistakes and create their own morals~

I have a couple other thoughts, but I want to formulate them a bit more. See if I can make stuff off of them.

One last thing before I go…

MY SOCIAL ANXIETY HEADCANON STILL STANDS

NOT ONCE IN THE WHOLE MOVIE WERE THEY SEPERATED UNTIL THE SCHOOL

And even then it’s in a controlled environment. They all know where the other is. It seems safe.

But what happens when that illusion is gone…?

#mutant mayhem spoilers #tmnt mutant mayhem #mutant mayhem donnie #mutant mayhem mikey #mutant mayhem leo #mutant mayhem raph #tmnt mm #mm tmnt #tmnt 2023 #tmnt movie #mutant mayhem april #mutant mayhem splinter #mutant mayhem superfly

[thebennsofdallas]

Look out below (Someone’s gonna fall)

For four and a half seasons, the heartbreak in this show has mainly centered around Guillermo’s travails— his longing for a life as a vampire that seems increasingly out of reach, his guilt in neglecting the family he loves, his devotion to his other family who only grudgingly acknowledge him.

But this season, I can’t help but watch with a lump in my throat at the heartbreak that’s heading straight for one clueless character — Nandor. 

The Nandor we know from the first three seasons is insecure and eventually, outright depressed. He’s lonely and his search for an eternal partner, of the kind his housemates Laszlo and Nadja have in each other, are laughable failures. His moniker, The Relentless, doesn’t accurately describe him anymore. Whether he’s whining about not being an American citizen or letting Nadja bully him into finding her Dolly or seeking the guidance of a false prophet in Jan, Nandor is unsure of what to think or do or feel. He’s searching for THE answer.

But in the fourth season, he seems close to finding it. From the first episode, when Guillermo falls through the rotten floor and Nandor, without a second’s hesitation dives in to save him, it seems clear that Guillermo is the answer to Nandor’s loneliness and yearning for a partner. They have rainy day movie time and Nandor proudly enters Guillermo into the familiar fights. He chooses Guillermo to be his best man at his wedding, where Nandor confides his fears and doubts about the marriage. More than once, he hopefully accuses Guillermo of being jealous of his romantic endeavors. And through Marwa, it’s revealed that Nandor doesn’t know what he would do without Guillermo in his life.

Even in the aftermath of the shit show that is Freddie, Nandor makes a huge leap by realizing that his actions caused Guillermo pain and he changes course with the sole purpose of making it up to Guillermo. But then, when Guillermo doesn’t show proper appreciation for his sacrifice, Nandor hides behind a stack of books to avoid further hurt. It’s his best, longest-serving technique to protect himself.

But then, in this season, something good comes of that strategic retreat. He reads a book that appears to change him for the good. The Nandor of season 5 is a new vampire. He’s relaxed, he’s confident. He remembers that he was viceroy to multiple nations and a leader of men. He LAUGHS. And he is observant enough of the surrounding world to see that Guillermo has not only changed but appears to have lost interest in him. And it hurts Nandor. With someone else, we might say this has to do with Nandor’s ego but we know better. We know that Nandor cares deeply for Guillermo, his closest companion for over 13 years and now, he fears he’s losing him.

It hurts enough that Nandor, for the first time, begins actively vying for Guillermo’s attention, especially when it becomes clear (to Nandor) that Guillermo has turned his affection from Nandor to Laszlo. He seeks Guillermo out at home, only to be avoided. He watches Guillermo and Laszlo and their not-so-secret meetings and he is helpless to stop them. He tries to shoehorn his way into their activities only to be mocked and rejected. He goes to fucking SPACE to win Guillermo’s favor and Guillermo’s reaction is “put your damn clothes on.”

When the vampires perceive that their undead lives are in danger and despite the divide between them, Nandor still wants Guillermo at his side. He wants Guillermo’s guidance, he needs it. But when Guillermo doesn’t come, Nandor falls back on his recently rediscovered military skills and pulls the household together on his own. When Guillermo finally shows up, ready to take charge, Nandor pushes back with angry words meant to wound and the words hit their target. Guillermo walks away, leaving Nandor to deal with the evil doing of Channel 8 without him.

So. That happened. And that hurt. But we all know that there is worse in store for Nandor. He doesn’t know it but the reason for Guillermo’s distance has nothing to do with Laszlo but with a devastating secret that has the potential to literally destroy Nandor. All the progress Nandor has made this season — the strength he’s gained, the changes he’s made — are teetering on the precipice, only Nandor doesn’t know it. He’s not going to see it coming. He has no idea that his Guillermo has betrayed him. I’m sure he can’t conceive of the possibility. 

So when you see Nandor smile and joke and try to get Guillermo’s attention, swallow hard and brace yourself. The Relentless one is in for a very hard fall.

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #nandor the relentless #Oh this precious boy #wwdits season 5

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really That Bad?

Come. Gather round and listen to the legend of the Funny Vampire Director, AKA the Funny Nazi Director, AKA Taika Waititi.

Raised in the way of the director, Waititi was taught to make good movies, delivering the sort of funny and heartfelt films most can only dream of making. He directed, and he wrote, and he acted. He was sensitive, like a smile. And his love of filmmaking did not discriminate in what he could make. He once made a hilarious vampire mockumenatry that got a spin-off TV series. Another time, he proved that you could make Blazing Saddles in the modern day, except with Nazis!

But Waititi's greatest achievement was cameoing in The Suicide Sqaud. Oh, wait. No. It was making a good Thor movie, of all things. But sadly, in making a good Thor movie, he set himself up for failure with the sequel. In fact, he set himself up for spectacular failure. Mediocre reviews. Audience backlash. Criticism from the actors and directors. And bad reviews from all sorts of internet guys, again and again and again. And again.

Poor Waititi had to watch the internet’s respect for him explode. And then he said, 'What have I done?' It seemed that everything he’d worked for with Thor, he lost. And so he maybe got fired by Marvel and went back to making real movies for a change. But just because he was done with Marvel, didn't mean he was done with superheroes. He teamed up with James Gunn and set off to deliver the most powerful and thematic line in The Suicide Squad. He got in shape, putting in the hard yards to become a respected filmmaker again. Taking pains into gains and never skipping the chance to direct a movie based on Tower of Terror. He put in the work to go from the butt of jokes to a guy who would hopefully deserve an Oscar win.

But with all that being said, there was still a confused reviewer just trying to figure out if maybe the backlash to Thor: Love and Thunder was a bit overblown. Because really, this movie couldn’t possibly be as shitty as The Dark World, which committed the sin of wasting Christopher Eccleston. So he sat down and gave the movie a rewatch, accepting he was only good for one thing... Determining that age old question, 'Is Thor: Love and Thunder really that bad?'

THE GOOD

So maybe this is a hot take, but I really did enjoy Jane’s return and her romance with Thor and find it to be one of the film’s best aspects.

Now, don’t get me wrong, a lot of the writing here is clunky and poor Natalie Portman is saddled with a lot of really stupid dialogue now that she’s the Mighty Thor. But seeing her and Chris Hemsworth act off each other again in a less dull and restrictive fashion is so nice, and seeing Portman kick ass is a lot of fun too. She even wields Mjolnir in some pretty creative ways here! And her death is actually a genuinely powerful and touching scene that they don’t immediately fuck up with a lame joke.

The soundtrack, while not even close to touching the Guardians of the Galaxy soundtracks, is filled with Guns N’ Roses banger after banger. I grew up listening to these guys, so honestly I’m predisposed to like any scene where they play one of my favorite tracks by them.”Sweet Child O’ Mine,” “November Rain,” “Paradise City,” and “Welcome to the Jungle” are all whipped out at just the right time to keep my attention from flagging completely, so I’ll give them props for that. They aren’t the most inspired choices, but I’m a sucker for classic Axl.

The Axl above? Decidedly less so. Still, despite this film’s reputation for really bad effects and really bad costumes and just in general looking embarrassingly cheap because Disney abuses the animators, there are some extremely cool visuals here and there. The shot of Falligar the Behemoth in particular is so good they slapped it into every trailer, and a climactic battle on a monochrome planet looks way too good to be in this movie. But by far the most fantastic thing is the comic-accurate depiction of Eternity.

And of course, I would be remiss to not praise Christian Bale’s performance as Gorr the God Butcher. The man immediately has you hooked with the opening scene, which details his backstory and shows how he began his vendetta against all the deities of the Marvel universe. Then we have his fantastic climactic confrontation with Thor on the black-and-white planet, and then there is his final scene before Eternity. Each and every time he shows up, it’s completely clear that Bale is giving it his all and acting his pussy off, giving a performance that is honestly kind of astounding considering what’s going on around him.

THE BAD

Unfortunately, while Gorr is a fantastic performance, he suffers from the fact his character has absolutely no cohesion and is barely in the film. He shows up for maybe one big fight in the first hour, then completely disappears from the film until the third act, during which time he just sits around with a bunch of children and terrifies them. And despite being “The God Butcher,” we see him butcher precisely one single god in the whole film, and that’s in the film’s opening. Groot has as many onscreen god kills as Gorr. That’s fucking pathetic. Bale’s magnificent performance is strong when it counts, but so much of the dramatic moments feel unearned because he hardly does anything outside those moments. The fact they cut out so much material including him meeting with Peter Dinklage’s King Eitri and Jeff Goldblum’s Grandmaster, really stings. Would it have been a crime to cut out those annoying fucking goats and instead give Gorr more to do like, oh, butchering gods?

It doesn’t help that the story never actually refutes any of Gorr’s points. Every other god we see in the film is egotistical, hedonistic, a coward, or all three at once, with even Thor reverting into a corny blowhard for much of the movie. Zeus is pretty much emblematic of this problem; while I actually did enjoy Russell Crowe’s performance (even if it is, ultimately, a half-baked attempt at recapturing the magic of Grandmaster from Ragnarok), the fact that Zeus is nothing more than a blowhard more concerned with orgies and showing off to all the other gathered deities just kind of proves Gorr right. The gods don’t care, they are refusing to help their followers, and frankly the universe would probably be a lot better if it was littered with Knowheres instead of having these horny clowns prancing about.

Then we have the Guardians. The glorified cameo from the Guardians of the Galaxy that was hyped up in all the marketing. Despite being in the movie for maybe ten minutes and despite Star-Lord having 95% of all the lines between them, nearly every single one of them feels completely out of character. Star-Lord, on the other hand, actually feels like he was rerailed in time for Gunn to take the reigns back, but it doesn’t make up for how awkward and pointless it all feels. Although it is incredibly hilarious that after all of them spent Infinity War fawning over him they all now seem to barely tolerate him, with it being confirmed none of them kept in contact with him after the events of this film. I honestly don’t blame them.

A lot of returning characters really suffer. King Valkyrie gets it pretty bad since her subplot where she searches for love was dropped, leading to her feeling really superfluous in the plot. Lady Sif gets it even worse, with her barely even being in this movie; one has to wonder why they even bothered keeping her alive. Thor gets hit especially bad here, because he seems to have reverted from his post-Ragnarok characterization all the way to pre-Thor characterization, with all his hedonism, goofing, gallavanting, insecurity, and egotistical traits ramped up to maximum levels.

But the most divisive returning character of all is Korg. Korg became a fan-favorite due to his appearances in Ragnarok and Endgame, where he was genuinely a funny comic relief character who juxtaposed his intimidating rock golem design with a friendly demeanor and the chipper voice of director Taika Waititi. The thing is, both of those films used him sparingly, so that when he got a lame joke it wasn’t so bad because it’s one up against dozens of good ones. Here though he gets to be a main character and even the narrator, and boy does he get old pretty quickly. The thing is, though, that even if he’s not particularly funny here… I still like Korg. He’s just too damn charming, As lame as his jokes are, as lame as his fake out death is, as pointless as he ends up feeling to the plot, I just can’t hate the guy. I guess it helps that he gets to be Disney’s 52nd First Gay Character, but actually for real this time because in the end he gets to make a baby with a rock guy named Dwayne. I also really like the theory that the reason the whole film is corny is because Korg is narrating it, and he’s an unreliable narrator peppering the story with lame jokes and underplaying elements that should matter. Does it save the whole movie? No. Does it make Korg any funnier? Also no. Does it add an interesting layer that at least keeps me from wanting Korg dead? Yes, yes it does.

And really, every single problem here is something that was there in Thor: Ragnarok. Zany comedy? A terrifying, threatening villain with a murderous vendetta who gets weirdly underplayed and barely interacts with the heroes? A villainous character played entirely for jokes? Jokes that completely and utterly destroy the tension of any given scene? The big difference is that in Ragnarok, at least some of the jokes were funny, and Thor had more interesting characters to bounce off of. And maybe most importantly, that film knew when to dial back the comedy to let cool or emotional moments breathe. And maybe even more importantly than that, it knew to keep Korg to a minimum. This film doesn’t do that at all, with nonstop gags undercutting nearly every dramatic moment. It’s ultimately hard to give a shit about anything going on when the characters give so little of a shit about it that they’re cracking jokes.

And let me tell you, if you couldn’t already tell, the jokes are fucking bad. This is basically what would happen if you asked Seltzer & Friedberg to make Marvel Movie. This is the epitome of all those jokes about Marvel dialogue having the characters go “Well that just happened!” to the point where I’m shocked it’s not actual dialogue. The horrendously unfunny screaming goat meme is a pivotal plot point in this movie; that’s the quality of jokes we’re dealing with here. And while there are a few decent jokes here and there, there’s just too many fucking jokes to pay them any mind.

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

Somehow this is one of the most overhated and yet rightfully disliked films ever made.

Like, Schafrillas was right to call this the Shrek the Third of Thor films. It’s not funny, it derails beloved characters, it’s incredibly annoying, it wastes a good villain, and the writing is just so hackneyed and ridiculous. This is absolutely not a good film at all. But the way you hear some people talk about it you’d think this film killed their grandma.

Like I know bad comedies are some of the worst kinds of films out there, and this film is definitely horrendously unfunny at every opportunity, but it has just enough good ideas and just enough strategic deployment of Guns N’ Roses songs that it just barely manages to be passable in my eyes. I definitely think this is a mediocre movie, and it is emblematic of everything a bad Marvel movie can be. But at the same time, it manages to be unfunny in ways I didn’t think were possible from a director and cast this talented. I’ll be honest, on my second watch through of the movie I was more bored than infuriated with this film. It has its moments, but it’s absolutely one of the weakest efforts Marvel has ever put out.

This film is pretty much what critics once accused Batman & Robin of being: An overindulgent, campy, unfunny smear on a cool hero. As you well know by now, I don’t agree with them on that, but it’s a somewhat fitting descriptor for Love & Thunder. I don’t think it’s a smear on Thor, who has been way too inconsistent for me to get mad about him being taken in some wild direction, but overindulgent, campy, and unfunny are pretty apt. Still, I don’t think this is nearly as bad as a lot of people say. It’s not bad in a “crime against humanity” way, at worst it’s bad in a “I know the people making this are capable of better and I kinda feel like this is the fault of studio executives at Disney” kind of way. If you like it, sure, that’s valid! I don’t think there is no value in this film at all, especially compared to some stuff I’ve reviewed for Is It Really That Bad. But if I never have to see this movie again, I won’t exactly lose sleep over it, and I’m sure many people feel the same.

Still, I’d have to have a heart of stone to not find the ending, which features Thor and his adopted daughter (played by Hemsworth’s own daughter) becoming a cute little superhero team and getting a corny title drop right before the credits, really sweet. Yeah, it’s not a good movie, but at least it’s better than the first two Thor movies or the unseasoned oatmeal that is Eternals.

#Is it really that bad #IIRTB #Thor #Thor: Love and Thunder #Taika Waititi #Chris Hemsworth #Natalie Portman #Christian Bale #Marvel #Disney #MCU

[contact-right]

Do you think gk is better than bob? If so why? I want to watch it but I can't get past the first ep

Hi! I personally like Generation Kill over Band of Brothers, but they're both great shows on their own, I guess it just has to do with personal preference. To get more into it, without spoiling anything (hopefully), I'll give my opinion under the cut, as it could be a bit long;

Despite the first few minutes of the first episode, Generation Kill isn't your usual action-packed war drama. Instead, the story is centered on realism. There's no dramatic music to set the tone, no voice-over telling the audience what's going on, what's happening, or what character a or b is experiencing. The show mostly depicts the events on screen as impartial. While the show is based on the book by Evan Wright (the reporter who was embedded with the marines), the audience doesn't really get pushed to a side to 'root' for. Thematic decisions are made to be as accurate as possible. Of course, there are exaggerations to move the plot forward or serve to make it more entertaining, but overall, it feels very real.

When I first watched it, not knowing much or shit-all about the American military, the jargon and slang could be a bit confusing. As a viewer, you just get sucked right into it and it isn't really a show you can watch casually but you don't really need to know anything either to get immersed. Paired with the politics, the hierarchy, the decisions made by command that seem so illogical, and the building frustration, I think it only adds to the experience. The viewer doesn't get the full picture. We don't know at first glance why certain decisions are made, we experience what the characters are seeing and going through, and from there on, you can form your own ideas or opinions on what is happening or why while being faced with the fact that the invasion in Iraq and the military itself, is very complicated (and should never have happened in the first place!!).

The characters aren't all black and white. There are no 'hero's' or clean-cut 'villains'. They try to do their jobs, they fuck up, they make mistakes, terrible stuff happens, and those characters cope with questionable humor or singing early 2000's hits while on the road in a humvee. Which, coming back to the 'realism' of Generation Kill, makes it all the more human.

It's a unique show and it's probably not for everyone. I like it for the realism, the portrayal of the characters, and how they change/endure through all the hurdles and distressing situations they have to go through. Once again, Generation Kill and Band of Brothers are both great shows on their own and I find it hard to compare the two. I could go even deeper into it, but then I would be spoiling a lot and I don't want to ruin that for you.

I'm not some expert on movies or whatever, and there are better, more eloquent answers out there to your question, but I hope this helped somewhat. Give the show another chance, it's really good!!!

Thanks for the ask and have a nice day! 💜💜

#ask

[nerdgatehobbit]

11/11/22

Don’t worry, Lugia, Billy, & Kim will return, but I wanted to mix it up for a bit with my new Mew plush sitting on my Beckett jacket because they’re both associated with genetics! … Listen, it’s the simple things that amuse me sometimes.

Edit: Hang on, it’s acting up on me. Hmm. :/

Edit 2: I figured it out! \o/

Speaking of Pokémon, yes I’ve heard the good news although I am concerned/curious what will be next. Right now I’m still really enjoying Sun & Moon Ultra Legends. Although the Adventures in the Orange Islands are coming up soon- probably less than a year at this rate!

I’m also increasingly curious/hopeful about if Pokémon Masters will have PLA sync pairs after the game’s first anniversary. I mean, if nothing else, it’ll give the app new content while waiting to do Paldea sync pairs. And yes, there’s likely to be Scarlet commentary from me once I have it.

I’ve been playing Dreamlight Valley; I’ve been enjoying it but I haven’t had a lot to say about it. No Milo nor Kida yet. Although to be fair, Belle & Stitch haven’t arrived despite being on the original loading screen. And only Gothel and Scar represent their movies. I don’t even know??

I haven’t yet re-watched SGA’s first mid-season two-parter, but you all will know when I have done so. >:)

XWP’s 3rd season has been a bit of a mixed bag for me so far but I’m still watching & reviewing for my blog. … I still need to resume ALOK’s first season. At this rate I’ll have to start over like I know I’ll have to with Princess Tutu. Though there at least I’ll be able to get screencaps on my second watch now that I have my Blu-Ray disc drive. I’m still figuring how to review Sailor Moon.

Sooner rather than later I’ll be doing my Power Rangers mini-watch. I won’t lie, it’ll be interesting to basically zoom through the first seventeen seasons. Lots of revisiting my favorites! 2023 is going to be the year of Power Rangers & DS9 on this blog. >:D

Speaking of anime, I really liked the first 2 volumes of the Spy x Family manga so hopefully I’ll be able to obtain the anime sometime.

My DS9 watch isn’t especially coherent; on a first watch I’m on the second season but clearly I’ve been going back to rewatch & get screencaps because I want to be just watching on the first time. The important thing is that I’m having a lot of fun! :)

… Although I will say that it’s weirdly impressive how accurate Julian’s hasty backstory will be. Him taking an acute interest/concern about whether or not Rugal’s adoptive parents mistreat him due to who he is. That’s not just Julian being compassionate and/or getting caught up in Garak’s riptide, it’s him projecting due to his own childhood, isn’t it? Same with him calling out Melora’s coping mechanism because he’s aware he’s on the other side of the coin in how they react to people due to a fear of rejection because of who they are.

Meanwhile, Rom hasn’t gotten his development yet, but I have come up with a somewhat depressing Watsonian theory on what was going on in “Babel”. It’s not that Rom couldn’t do the repair, it’s that if he had, Quark would have griped about how long it took him to do so. The idea that Odo caught Quark out because he oversimplified the lie is amusing one. The depressing part is why Rom didn’t actually do so.

I think it’s similar to what went on with Daja and her birth family before the events of the Circle of Magic quartet, where doing manual work was looked down on in Trader culture to the point Daja was scolded/punished for her curiosity about it. To lean into my foreknowledge, Quark hasn’t drunk the root beer enough to encourage his brother’s interest in mechanics, even if it appears to be necessary to do so for profit.

Admittedly the animated Justice League has gone up in my media backlog list after learning about Conroy’s passing. … Not quite literally yet, but odds are I’ll redo the list for real closer to the end of 2022. That’ll probably be the next ramble post.

#my ramblings #Pokémon #ds9 #other shows mentioned but let’s be honest this is *their* post #no wonder I tried to jam them together the other day XD #also this is me acknowledging I changed my icon

[dog-v3ntz]

just a sort of ‘update’ sort if thing on wats been going on w me recently or smth. just felt like putting it out there

TW for ED thoughts and mention of s/h.

srsly want to clarify that i dont romanticize any of this. this shit is whack as hell.

so, its been getting a little worse.

ive been purging for a few days in a row and im gonna try and stop for hopefully at least a few days or a full week if im lucky.

ive started exercising. mainly following these 2 videos, i try do do them once in the morning and once at night and i missed this morning and ive added a third one tonight.

im sore. i feel miserable. but i actually think its helped with my skin cause its so oily all the time and i think working out has been helping.

its back to school tomorrow so i’ll be able to avoid eating longer, i just need to fix lunch times cause ive started getting into the habit of eating lunch again and it makes me feel horrible but im too scared to purge at school so i literally just have to suck it up.

havent weighed myself in a few days. well i did weigh myself like 5 times last night and two times today but the scale isn’t accurate. so im hoping i can weigh myself tomorrow morning when i get the chance.

ive been having the urge to s/h again (ive been clean for almost two weeks now) but i want to target a specific part of my body but that part is already in pain from working out and if i workout with cvts its just going to be one hell of a shitty time and i think im starting to use working out as a form of s/h. its sure as hell feeling like it.

but on a brighter note i watched the live action tmnt movies from 2014 and 2016 and i loved it holy fuck look at the boys i love everything about them. and i got some fake nails, a retsuko plush, a hello kitty hoodie and three new shirts because im increasingly becoming more and more obsessed with the coquette aesthetic its so pretty omg. also i recently finished rottmnt series and movie (i cried). and im almost finished watching whats available of tmnt(2012) on netflix.

also i made a little ‘daily stats’ thing in pics art to track the day, my weight, what i eat, how many cals, how many cals i burn, my net cals and if i purge or not. im not gonna post it just cause i dont want to feel like im promoting any of this, and cause i made it all pink and cute looking i dont want to be accused of romanticizing this shit CAUSE IT SUCKS.

IVE BEEN THINKING ED RELATED THOUGHTS NONSTOP FOR THE PAST WEEKS AND ITS ONLY GETTING WORSE THE MORE I FEEL LIKE IM NOT MAKING ANY PROGRESS. I CANT LOOK AT FOOD THE SAME WAY AGAIN AND IM TOO SCARED TO GET HELP OR TO TRY AND FIX MYSELF AND IM SO SCARED IF GETTING CAUGHT AND NOT BEING TAKEN SERIOUSLY AND I HATE STARING AT MY NAKED BODY IN THE MIRROR AND HATING EVERYTHING I SEE. I HATE CARVING MY HATRED INTO MY SKIN. I HATE CARVING MY INSECURITIES ONTO MY FLESH. BUT IM TOO SCARED AND TOO WEAK AND TOO MUCH OF A FUCKING PUSSY TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT ANY OF IT.

yeahhh living is fun.

#srsly not pro #this shit is exhausting #ed relapse #ana trigger #tw ana thoughts

[nikoruistyping]

hi again, this is the anon from before. If I can Id like to request RDJ's Sherlock Holmes x fem!reader where Watson invites y/n to dinner to meet Mary & Sherlock but suddenly plans change and then the only two left are you and Sherlock to have dinner alone and it's just a really fluffy and romantic date thanks in advance

And Then There Were Two...|| Sherlock Holmes (RDJ)

RDJ!Sherlock Holmes x Fem!reader

Summary: You were to meet John, Mary and Sherlock at dinner but when the two lovebirds aren’t able to make it that leaves only you and Sherlock left to get acquainted properly...

TW: Fluff, Victorian Era/AU/1800′s Time Period, Playful/Sassy/Smartass Banter, Very Proper Old English, Courtship, First Date, Kissing

Word Count: 3,153

A/N: Y/BS = Your birthstone & Y/BM = Your Birth Month

I’m coming at yall with a request that is pretty out of my field of what I normally write but I decided to take on the challenge so thank you so much Anon for requesting and I hope you enjoy this! I had such a fun and good challenge writing this especially since I did a lot of research to make this as perfect and accurate to the movie/character/time period as I could! This is my first time ever writing an era/decade type story so hopefully it sounds normal and not like “modernized”. I want to give a shoutout to the only 2 RDJ Sherlock fics I was able to scavenge to find, I read them both and it helped me so much by getting a better understanding on how to write this request. It was so cool reading them first before watching the movies and seeing how accurate both authors were able to write the scenes from the movie! It inspired me to do better and really get into the right mindset for this. Please go check out In the Game of Love by @just-dreaming-marvel  & A Rose in London by Dragon_Baron

Also I highly recommend listening to this playlist while reading! I’m not usually one to listen to classical instrumental music but for some reason it really put me in the mood to write this and honestly I wasn't expecting to get this involved or have this fic be so long but here it is!

Eight-thirty, The Royale. John had insisted earlier that day for you to join him and Mary for dinner with his dear friend Sherlock Holmes. In all the time you had known and been acquainted with John you had heard Sherlock's name thrown about here and there but you had yet to meet the mysterious detective. You even started to believe the man might have been a myth or even a ghost because of the lengths John had gone to make sure the two of you never were to meet. He must have been utterly desperate or rather so crying for help when he asked you to tag along, it was a serious matter since apparently Sherlock hadn't met Mary yet and you suspected John was on the brink of proposing to the woman. You seemed to be the only friend Watson had that helped keep him level-headed and sane when Holmes was at his wits.

You quickly mentioned to the host that you were one of the guests under the name of Dr. Watson. To your surprise, the host told you John had yet to arrive, but that his other guest was early and was waiting at your reserved table. You followed the host's lead through the restaurant, shuffling along in your black satin dress, black lace and ruffles going down your skirt, accents of gold thread and detailing running along your long sleeves and corset bodice. You had taken the liberty to slip off your black lace gloves, stuffing them into your purse, and taking a moment to adjust your choker necklace while you walked towards the table.

Once you had laid eyes on who you assumed to be none other than 'The Sherlock Holmes', he was sitting by himself, fiddling with his pocket watch, casually checking the time. The host bowed and presented you to the table but Sherlock had his eyes closed, the man seemed to be meditating, how peculiar you thought. You made it a point to clear your throat rather loudly and leaning against the table right in his field of view.

His head flicked up in an instant, his gaze meeting with yours and he was utterly surprised not only by your beauty but because of the way you seemed to carry yourself, you looked and moved as if you had complete and utter authority almost like you were royalty. He could have been fooled that maybe he was in the presence of a princess. He rather hastily stood up from his seat bowing and gently taking your hand, his lips kissing the back.

"You must be Miss Y/LN, what an honor to finally make your acquaintance." His hand seemed to linger just a bit longer, holding your petite hand in the palm of his, while his eyes never left yours.

"Likewise Mister Holmes, it's a pleasure to meet you. I've heard quite a lot about you actually." Your lips curved into a smile at how proper and polite the man was, you were starting to think was this really the same man John was always on about? It couldn't have been, he was acting normally, civilized not on the brink of insanity like you had heard.

"As have I of you." He flashed you a small smile as well, pulling out your chair and motioning for you to take a seat across from him.

"Thank you..." Your voice whispered under your breath, thanking him while you watched him adjust his coat, sitting down once again.

"For the life of me I'm not sure why it's taken John so long to introduce us properly." He commented rather quickly as his eyes seemed to burn holes into the back of your head. You could already imagine he was observing your every move and detail, trying to figure you out even though he just met you minutes ago.

"I can't imagine why, John must have his reasons I suppose." You voice trailed off, silence filling the space between you two.

"You look lovely tonight." He said quickly filling the silence with words, trying not to make things awkward between you both.

His eyes were squinting at your choker necklace, trying to make out what gem was hanging from the middle. You were caught off guard by his straight forward compliment. According to John it was very rare for Sherlock to compliment anyone, especially a lady like yourself. He wasn't the type to hang around many fair ladies and John might have briefly mentioned Sherlock had an old flame in the past but it was never very serious.

"Thank you. You look..." You voice paused for a moment trying to find the right words.

"...rather dashing, yourself." Your smile was soft and sweet, a small blush running across your cheeks at the compliment you had given him.

Just before Sherlock could open his mouth to say another word the host quickly approached the table and slipped a letter towards him, by the look of the dots and dashes that you could see through the thin sheet of paper, it was a telegraph. Your brow raised, studying his facial expression while it contorted into confusion and quickly into concern. You had a feeling maybe something had gone wrong with John and Mary.

"I assume by the look on your face the news isn't well?" You questioned while Sherlock slowly lowered the letter from his view and nervously smiled back at you.

"And then there were two..." He mumbled under his breath, you could barely understand his words but he shook off the thought and cleared his throat.

"Need not to worry my dear. It looks as if John and Mary, unfortunately, won't be able to make it to dinner. There was some sort of family emergency with Mary's mother, she has fallen quite ill." His facial expression was serious yet there was still some sort of excitement or rather interest in wanting to say seated at the table, he was in no rush to leave dinner so soon it seemed.

The one night that Sherlock had actually made an effort to not only dress formally but actually exiting the house alone was already his way of jumping through hoops for John's sake. Over his dead body that he was going to waste this opportunity to well, of course, have a meal but to also get to know you personally. He was having a hard time trying to figure you out at first, you were a puzzle he couldn't quite piece together but he knew with time and better combing of the details he would know just almost anything about you.

"Oh my, really?! What an unfortunate turn of events..." You let out a small gasp, your hands covering your lips for a brief moment.

"I will have to send my regards to Mary and her mother in the morning." You were now worried about the fact that you were alone with Sherlock, a man you had just met and knew very little about. The only information you had of him was merely through conversations between you and John and fare fetched assumptions.

You thought that maybe if John and Mary had attended you wouldn't be too alone and being able to strike up a conversation would come easier but now you were rather silent, your lips pursed shut. You had to sit through a whole dinner service with him and from what John had told you about Sherlock he was quite the intuitive individual, he could figure you out in minutes, know everything about you just by the minor details. Maybe if you turned the tables and you were the one digging deeper into Sherlock, you could learn more about him, deflecting any questions he might have had about you. Although you were a bit guilty of wanting to know what was fact and what was fiction about the charming man in front of you.

"Well now...it would be an awful shame to waste such a lovely dinner like this. Would you care to join me despite the circumstances?" His fingers now fiddling with the silverware on the table.

"I must agree with you there Mister Holmes. I am quite famished and I'm sure you don't want to send a lady home on an empty stomach, do you?" You questioned right back at him, a small chuckle coming from him.

"Absolutely not, that would be very brutish of me." Before you could give him another compliment on his remarkable skills of being polite, he waved the waiter over, quickly whispering into his ear the order for food and wine.

Once his gaze was back and focused on just you, he continued to ramble. For some reason you had quickly grown fond of how intelligent his tone of voice seemed to sound, words elegantly gliding off his tongue.

"Y/BS. I assume that you were born in Y/BM? The gem is exquisite." His eyes trailed to your neck, observing the beautiful stone that hung from the necklace.

"Correct, you certainly know your gemstones Mister Holmes-" You words interrupted by his.

"Sherlock. Please call me Sherlock." He corrected you.

"Well then Sherlock, you may call me Y/N," You smiled once more, tucking a piece of loose hair behind your ear as he nodded in agreement.

"So, Sherlock I've been wondering, is it true you can guess what someone does just by looking at them?" You were quite curious to know what exactly his skillset really was.

"In fact, the little details are by far the most important." His face was serious and the sparkle in his eye was now rather focused on you and only you.

"Then how about me, what little details have you been able to observe so far?" You asked eagerly to know exactly what he thought of you, it was exciting yet making butterflies go wild in your stomach.

"Oh Y/N I don't think we should be doing this over dinner-" Sherlock was stuttering at this point, he seemed nervous all of a sudden.

"I insist." You voice sharp like a knife, determined to see if he really could have you all figured out.

"If the lady insists." He darted right back at you, his body leaning closer into the table, elbows resting, his hands holding his head up whilst he stared at you.

You sat there quietly while Sherlock was observing you, his fingers stroking his chin in deep thought. You could have sworn for a moment you got lost in the deep seas of his brown eyes, the more you felt self conscious. You seemed to be questioning everything now. Was it the right choice wearing this necklace, should you have picked a different dress, had you powdered your nose enough?!

"You're a dressmaker. The callouses on your fingers suggesting you work closely with sewing and altering women's garments. Maybe you have even pricked yourself a few times by the tiny scar marks on the pads of your fingertips," The way he had guessed correctly with such ease was astonishing, you were speechless but Sherlock continued to ramble like he always did.

"Your dress alone tells me that you perhaps made it yourself, custom made, there was no way that you would show up to this special occasion wearing another markers dress. Your perfume, sweet smelling and hints of rose, maybe it's your favorite flower? Clearly you seem to be well off enough because your choker was crafted with finest black velvet and bought from the jewelry shop on Adams street. It's the only shop in town that serves only those willing to spend a good pound," He raised his eyebrows at you the more that your face seemed to flush at how could he have gotten everything right on the spot.

"If it weren't for those tiny details you could have had me fooled but I can tell by the way your face seems to be red as a tomato I must have hit the nail on the head so to speak. Regardless none the less you are quite an astonishing lady Y/N." He finally finished off with a smirk on his face knowing that he had hit the bullseye on everything about you.

"Right on all counts Sherlock. I'm thoroughly impressed, you're clearly sharper than what I had expected." You admit, dumbfounded at how easily he had figured you out.

"And what exactly were you expecting Y/N?" He leaned in closer eager to hear what you had to say. He also seemed to be growing fond of the way you spoke, your regal like tone, it's as if you owned the whole room.

"I was expecting a rather manic detective, an unorganized individual, and someone who has no regard for the feelings of others but you seem to be quite the opposite from the description John told me." You saw the way Sherlock's eyes quickly looked side to side, his fingers drumming against the empty plate in front of him as you made your statement.

You were a woman after all and nothing escaped a woman's eyes, let alone her intuition. Clearly you had assumed that at least one things you said was correct about Sherlock but you decided not to pester on, you did want to have a pleasant dinner.

"I hope to continue to impress as the evening carries on. The last thing I want is to leave with you a fowl impression." He says nonchalantly, leaning back in his chair.

"So far I think you're doing a rather fine job in being able to impress me." You hesitantly reached your hand over the table and laid your hand on top of his, the contact of your skin against his was warm, comforting, and you hoped that maybe just maybe he wouldn't pull away.

To your surprise he held your hand from across the table as the two of you began to chat up a storm the whole night. As food and wine began to be consumed the more comfortable you both had gotten with being in each other's presence. The two of you ended up staying at The Royale until the wee hours of the night until the restaurant basically had to kick the two of you out.

Your arm was looped together with Sherlocks while you both stumbled out of the restaurant in a fit of laughter, your body leaning into his side.

"Oh my Sherlock! We really have lost track of time, there isn't a carriage in sight at all." You looked around the empty streets of London, it must have been midnight maybe even later as you glanced up at the moonlight, it was a full moon.

"Oh look at that, we really did. If there are no carriages then we must use our feet, let us walk on my dear." He started to guide the both of you in the direction of his flat on Baker street, you shuffled close to him as the cold nights breeze was making you shiver, how silly of you not to even bring a coat of some kind.

While the two of you walked in unison Sherlock took notice of how your fingers curled up into his arm, you body snuggling into his side for warmth. He stopped in his tracks causing you to turn to him in confusion. He unbuttoned his coat and gently draped it over your shoulders, wrapping you in his coat to keep you warm.

"Thank you, you really are such a gentleman." You commented while your fingers gripped the coat to keep it tightly around you, his arm going back in place looping with yours.

"I can't let you freeze to death or else I'm sure John would be quite upset at me." He said with a light chuckle.

"You have a very unique bond with him like brothers almost, am I correct?"

"Almost but rather so I tolerate him and he puts up with my unusual antics from time to time." His hand goes up to hold yours, stroking the back of your hand softly.

"You know, not everything he says about you is negative. There are a lot of positive things I've heard as well. You're forever more a mystery Sherlock. Even after spending hours with you at dinner I still can't quite put my finger on you." You shyly admitted that truly in fact you were trying to figure him out all night and even between sips of wine and hilarious stories he told, you still had little to no information about who really was Sherlock Holmes.

"A mystery you say?" He questioned, you could hear the utter curiosity and interest peaking in his voice alone.

"Yes..." You halted your steps turning towards Sherlock to face him, you gripped his hand a bit tighter and using your other hand you cupped the side of his face that was being bathed in the blue hue of the moonlight.

"You're a mystery that I intend to keep solving." You declared, maybe it was the wine talking or maybe it was the butterflies that had been flying around in your stomach for the past few hours ever since you laid eyes on the man but you knew you felt some sort of attraction to him at this point.

"Oh really? I thought I was the detective in this scenario." He couldn't keep in his chuckle while looking deep into your eyes, his hand had also made its way to your cheek, his thumb stroking your smooth skin, you could feel him gravitating towards you and you towards him.

"And what exactly do you suppose this 'scenario' between us really is?" You answered his question with another one, leaving him a bit dumbfounded at how you could so easily disarm him that way, leaving him with no words.

"I do hope it's rather a good one to keep on continuing together, don't you think?"

"I would love that." Your voice almost a whisper as your lips were just inches away from his before you took the leap of faith and pressed closer, his lips meeting with yours.

His hands were clutching at your cheeks making sure your lips didn't run away from his in the moment. You were holding on tightly to his shirt pulling him in closer as the two of you were kissing under the moonlight, your bodies being lit in the bluish white colors of the night sky. The breeze was flowing through your up-do and Sherlock had slowly pulled away, both of your breathes heavy before looking into each other's eyes and smiling.

From that moment on the rest seemed to be history, your life had done a complete turn around from what you had even imagined after meeting him. Your life that seemed to be of a boring dressmaker was now turned into one full of adventure and action while you pushed forward to follow Sherlock and become his lover but also his sidekick. You were thankful for that special night you were able to have with him and dare you say you were actually thankful John and Mary couldn't attend dinner. Who knows maybe you would have never met Sherlock Holmes but you were glad that fate had other plans for you in the cards.

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[tommybaholland]

top bnha characters + their favorite movie with female leads to watch with their s/o

featuring: midoriya, bakugo, todoroki, kirishima, kaminari, jiro, shinso, amajiki, hado, and dabi 

here are the top 10 bnha characters based on the interest poll from last month, again listed in no particular order. obviously i haven’t seen every female (character) led movie ever made but hopefully these are accurate enough! enjoy. x 

midoriya -> captain marvel: he’s a huge fan of superhero movies in general, but captain marvel is his favorite female character from the mcu. not only does she have great humor but he feels like he can relate to her as well. her powers were given to her and are somewhat similar to his. she struggles with her own humanity and has several flaws but he finds comfort in the fact that that doesn’t mean she won’t be a great hero.

bakugo -> the hunger games: he likes the general concept of an annual fight to the death that is celebrated across a society annually. obviously he thinks that he would win if he were a chosen tribute. he hates peeta, actually he hates how the first movie ends and thinks cato should’ve won. then you ask him what he would do if you were also in the games with him which leaves him stumped but he believes he could think of something more creative. 

todoroki -> howl’s moving castle: we’ve established that he’s a studio ghibli buff and while there are a lot of female protagonists in those movies, the story of this particular one hits different for him. the idea of finding a long-lost love is beautiful and heartwarming. he likes to think that he met you somewhere in his past and had finally found you again, giving him a chance to say, “there you are, sweetheart. sorry, i’m late. i’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

kirishima -> little women: he doesn’t really understand why they’re called ‘little women’ despite it being mentioned in the movie but he’s up for reading the book after watching for the first time. he cries his eyes out at jo’s monologue about her yearning to be loved every time. the first time you watched it together he decided to confess his love for you all over again and that he never wants you to feel lonely again.

kaminari -> the house bunny: it’s not hard to guess why he likes this movie so much. it’s irreverent, got good one-liners in it, and features playboy bunnies. you like to tease him by shielding his eyes away from the visually mature scenes that he’s always so eager to see. he’s also very fascinated by american college life and dreams of throwing a super epic party except everyone has a quirk so it’ll be ten times more lit. whenever you go out to dinner together and there’s mahi mahi on the menu, you’ll recite shelley’s infamous line and it never fails to make him laugh. 

jiro -> juno: good soundtrack, deadpan humor, elliot page, and really heartfelt; what more could you ask for?? this is a movie that you two like to revisit every now and then simply because it was the first movie you watched together as a couple. she likes to tease you by saying that your relationship is like juno and paulie, in which you are paulie. it’s funny but you both agree that there are similarities between you two and the characters so it’s just more reason to love each other.

shinso -> ocean’s 8: next to horror movies, he also really enjoys films with complicated heists, something that makes you feel so satisfied when you find out how it all works. you think it’s ironic yet admirable that he likes watching movies involving seemingly impossible heists when he has a power that gives him instant gratification. he’s flattered by your observation but will counter by saying that he’ll be smart enough to stop heists like these as a hero. 

amajiki -> mulan: it’s entertaining, fun, and empowering. he feels inspired by the bravery of mulan to fight in a war but he also likes when you sing the songs to him. you once asked him what he would do or say if you wanted to go fight in war if he was not able to. he cannot lie and said that he’d worry like crazy about you even though you have great strength and ability but he’d never stop you from doing what you think is right and worth fighting for because he already knows that you would do the same for him. 

hado -> aquamarine: she seems like she liked to play mermaids when she was younger so this is the movie for her. she thinks it’s interesting that eighth graders present themselves as masters of love. nonetheless, she enjoys the overall message that love can be found everywhere. she always makes you dance with her during the island in the sun scene. she talks about going on a trip with you to australia where they shot the movie so you can play mermaids together.

dabi -> jennifer’s body: he used to find it dumb and pointless but honestly, he thinks the make out scene between needy and jennifer is pretty hot. one time you asked him what he would do if you died and was possessed to eat men and he tells you that he probably wouldn’t taste too good. however, he likes to playfully bite your neck and tell you that you’re delicious.

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[bucky-barnes-diaries]

Away From Home

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Captain America: The First Avenger

Pairing: 1940s! Bucky Barnes x Female! Reader

Summary: Reader and Bucky are half a world apart. How are they holding up without each other? ft. some love letters!

Word Count: 1644

Warnings: 18+, minors DNI, hint of smut, angst, talk about war, mention of suicide. Please read at your own risk!

Authors Note: Just want to thank my beautiful wife @buckybarnesdiaries for hyping me up with this series! Not everything may be accurate to the 1940s, war or Bucky’s story. My apologies! Enjoy loves <3

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It wasn’t easy being all alone without your other half, but you managed to fill up your day with fun and responsibilities to take your mind off it. The women at the office missed their husbands immensely, just like yourself, so it was good that you all took comfort in one another. It was good to talk with them about the shared feelings of fear and uncertainty that came with the men going off to war.

The office work that was ordinarily boring to you became very interesting as your bosses ordered you around. At home, you had organized your various pieces of literature more times than what was necessary. You couldn’t either count how many times you’ve gone “I missed a spot” on the kitchen counter when it was nothing there in reality.

When there was nothing at home to do, you called up your girlfriends, hoping they would be willing to go out on the town. The few times they were up for it, you forgot all about the hurt inside as you danced the night away with your best friends.

Bucky's parents could come and go as they pleased. Your house was their house; whenever they wanted to drop by, they could. On the weekends, they would invite you home to their residence for dinner and drinks. It was sweet of them to ask you. You already had a strong relationship with them that only increased with you spending more time with your parents-in-law.

The stories they would tell you about James growing up in Indiana with his siblings were stored in your memories to use late at night when you couldn’t sleep. Those thoughts would turn into dreams and scenarios of him and your child that you would hopefully get pregnant with soon.

On the few occasions his parents and your girlfriends had other plans, you sat mostly inside staring at one spot on the wall. The book by your side would only be read a few pages before it was placed to the side again so you could continue gawking at the flower patterns on the wall.

That’s how you were sat now. The television was on, but you weren’t paying attention to the boring movie you had watched countless times playing on the screen. You decided that you would write another letter to James. Writing letters to your husband and receiving letters from him was the thing that brought you joy and was the closest you could come to him for the time being. Picking up the pen and paper, the words flowed easily as you wrote.

~~~~~~~~~~

My Dearest,

I feel I must write you again altho there is not much news to tell you from the last time I wrote. Work is keeping me busy, while your parents’ comfort and the fun my girlfriends are bringing keeps me content. I dreamt last night my husband. I dreamt about a child. Our child. A child that will bring us love and joy in the future.

I miss you terribly, my love. I miss the warmth from your touch as we are tangled in the sheets together. I miss the softness of your voice as the words whispered in my ear are meant for me only. I miss your laugh filling up the house that feels so empty now without you. I miss you. There is nothing more that I desire in life but to have you with me constantly.

I wonder how you are getting along, my love. I shall be so relieved to get a letter from you. I can’t help feeling a bit anxious for you, my dear. Thinking about what you are going through in the gruesome war overseas. I pray to whatever higher power exists for you to survive and come home to me in my arms.

Well, my husband, my brave soldier, I don’t know what more to say now, so I will finish this letter with fondest love and kisses from your wife.

I love you the most. From yours truly,

xoxo

~~~~~~~~~~

You sealed up the envelope containing your love letter for your husband, your other half, your soul mate, and hoped that it would bring him a hint of delight in his usual dark, empty and deadly war days.

Somewhere in hostile Germany…

With barely enough sleep from the night before, Bucky rested his eyes for the few minutes they had before it was out on another day of fighting the opposition. The faint sound of bombs dropping was heard in the distance. His heart started pumping in both fear and excitement to be out there again.

As his eyes were closed, he sat and wondered what his wife was up to at the moment. You were most likely at work. What would you have for dinner later? Something good, he hoped. It would at least be ten times better than what he ate for breakfast, soggy bread with a slice of cheese on top.

His mouth watered at the thought of a homemade meal from you right now. You always made the tastiest and fulfilling dinners.

What were you doing after? Out with your girlfriends? Were his parents coming to visit? Either way, he hoped you had the most beautiful time being as carefree as you always were.

When the darkness came, and it was time for bed, what would you be doing? Had the day been exhausting that you dropped dead on the covers as soon your head hit the pillow, or would you stay up and think about him?

His mind started racing to you, touching yourself dead at night while you remembered the last time the two of you were intimate. The thought about you moaning his name so softly and innocently had him adjusting himself in the seat.

Not now, Buck. We have to leave soon. There’s no time for that now.

“BARNES! Post for you.”

Once he had the letter in hand, he immediately knew it was you from the little drawing you drew on the envelope. You always did some form of artwork on it that had his heart warm up.

A single tear ran down his cheek after finishing the heartwarming letter. He could never fully express to you and his parents how these letters had saved him when he needed it the most. When he had thought about ending it all after watching the inhumane things he had witnessed that no human should ever have to see, the pieces of love from you and his family were what kept him going.

There was still some time left before they had to go out to war again. So he took that chance at writing a reply to his wife.

~~~~~~~~~~

My Darling,

Thank you for the heartwarming letter. It found me well in the time when I needed it the most. I so long to be close to you. Trust my love that I do not forget you. I am doing everything in my power so that these few lines reach you.

I am happy to hear that you are keeping yourself busy with work, friends, and family. I’m jealous.

I miss you terribly, my love. If only we could be together soon. I’d give anything to be back in the comfort of your arms. To be tangled in the sheets together. To feel you wrapped so tightly around me in all the ways possible. To hear your laugh that fills my heart with warmth and butterflies. Soon my love, soon.

A child? I’ll give you as many children as you want when I return safely to you. We will buy a big house out in the countryside to raise our children and grow old if that’s what my wife desires.

The war? I don’t know what there is to say? I won’t sugarcoat it. The war is brutal and gruesome. It is something I don’t even wish upon my worst enemy to experience the things I’ve seen and gone through. Don’t be alarmed, my love, by the words you just read. As long as I have you in my mind, I can make it through the days and nights.

There is not much more for the time being to write to you. Just know that I am coming back to you after the terrible war is over.

I love you the most. From your brave soldier,

xoxo

~~~~~~~~~~

He sealed it up in an envelope, and he once again hoped that this wouldn’t be the last letter he ever wrote to you.

A few weeks later…

You waited anxiously out on the steps of your home for the postman to arrive. Legs were bouncing up and down in anticipation if today was the day a new letter from James would arrive.

“Morning, ma’am,” the postman nodded at you. By now, he knew very well who you were as he would find you most days waiting for him to bring you the mail.

“I believe this is yours.” He handed you a single letter. A smile on his face once he saw the excitement on yours when you realize it was from your husband.

“Thank you, George.”

“Have a wonderful day, Y/N.” “You too.”

You opened it right there on the steps. There was no time to walk a few meters into the house to read it.

You took the time to read the lines on the paper written by your love. Sadness came over you as you read the part about war, but a smile was left on your lips nonetheless after you had read the whole thing a few times over.

You clutched it to your heart. To try and feel that extra bit of love that radiated off it. A few tears rolled down your cheeks.

Soon my love. Soon you will be back safe and sound in my arms again.

Credit @ firefly-graphics for the wonderful divider

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[costellos]

❥ ┋ ❝ gojo & the touches that led up to your first kiss!

anonymous said: can i get cafune with gojo? his hair looks vvv soft 🥺

a/n: omg... it totally does... well, I hope you can live vicariously through this fic friend, bc there are plenty of instances where you get to touch Gojo’s hair! enjoy!!

tw: none.

ask game: one-word ideas for when you’re feeling stuck (closed!)

disclaimer: I’m anime-only, so apologies if my character interpretations aren’t accurate.

cafuné (portuguese, n.) - the act of tenderly running one’s fingers through someone’s hair.

the first instance was when you saw him without his blindfold for the first time. it was shortly after he was ambushed by Jogo. he’d stopped by your office to tell you the whole story, to ponder about how interesting the situation was. but before he could say so much as your name, you stopped him. “where’s your blindfold?” you asked. “eh?” he scrunched his nose. “that’s the first thing you think when you see me?” he was leaning against your desk at this point, arms crossed. despite the hurt comment and quizzical expression, Gojo was far from offended. he was curious. word spread fast on campus — surely you’d heard about what had happened. but no, you didn’t ask him about it. instead, you stood up from your desk, assuming your place right in front of him. with your own scrunched nose and furrowed brows, you took your fingers and raked them through his hair, pulling it back so that you could properly see his face. that pinched expression on your face melted into something warmer. Gojo with his hair down was a Gojo you hadn’t familiarized yourself with. that was something he would learn much later. but to see you be so forward, to feel your fingernails run themselves along his temples, made him feel a way he didn’t know was possible with you. “mm. much better,” you said at last. it was in that moment that Gojo thought about kissing you for the first time. yet this wasn’t the right place or time. that would have to wait for a different day. in the meantime, he wondered if you could feel his heartbeat through the pads of your fingers.

the second instance was while watching a movie. being one of the few instructors at Tokyo Tech, you’d invited him over to celebrate the end of exam season. have a few beers, shoot the breeze, the whole shebang. maybe it was the beer talking or maybe you just needed something to do with your hands. but while watching some Bruce Lee movie on Netflix, you made a rather odd demand: “sit on the carpet, I wanna try something.” being a jujutsu sorcerer meant putting a lot of faith in your peers. your life was constantly on the line, and at any moment, you had to be willing to give it up for the greater good. although this wasn’t a life-or-death situation, Gojo trusted you all the same. “oho? what for?” “just trust me.” so he did. he scooted from your couch to the space in front of you, positioning himself so he’d be beneath you. that’s when he felt your fingers run through his hair once again. you brushed through his white locks slowly, careful to not accidentally tug on any knots. with diligent fingers, you began separating his hair into parts of three, then twirled each part around each other. you were braiding his hair. “is the movie really that boring?” he joked. “nah,” you replied, “I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now.” ...oh? for a while now? had you been thinking that intensely about touching him as he did you? Gojo didn’t reply to that comment. he... wasn’t even sure what to say, if he was being honest. he can read people well. he had to — a person in his position would’ve never survived this far without it. he was always one step ahead of everyone, calculating their intentions before they opened their mouth. this, though. this came out of no where. but being here, knowing that you were so close to him, that you wanted to be close to him... he didn’t mind that for the first time he can remember, he was one step back.

the third instance was right at a bus stop. it was 11 PM and no one was in sight. it had just started snowing. although there was a heat lamp above your heads, it was far too small to provide any sort of adequate warmth. “gaaah, it’s too cold for this!” you whined. “I thought buses were supposed to come every three minutes in Tokyo!” “wha—? you don’t actually believe that, do you?” “I-I mean! it sounded believable enough!” you look so cute bundled up in your jacket. you let Gojo do the honor of wrapping your scarf around your neck before you ventured into the harsh outdoors. maybe he should’ve wrapped it a little tighter because your shivering was painfully obvious. well. you clearly didn’t mind being close to him. and if you could be bold with him, he could do the same for you. “here, [Name]. stand in front of me.” the bus shelter was the kind that only protected you from the snow above. there were no walls, allowing wind to pierce through you with icy strength. however, because Gojo was taller than you and because the wind was coming from the east, he could easily block it off if you just stood in front of him. so you did as told. you stepped in front of your peer, and like that, you were shielded from the snow and the wind. it wasn’t enough to stop your shivering completely, but hopefully it made being outside a little more tolerable. “that better?” “y-yeah,” you replied. “but aren’t you cold, too?” “nope! I’m all good.” “...hm. you’re lying.” and once again, your fingers were in Gojo’s hair. like the first time you touched him, your nails slid across his temples to push those white locks away from his face. “your cheeks,” you continued. “they’re pink.” ...were they? ah. maybe they were. feeling your fingers in his hair again, your face just inches away from his; he couldn’t tell you if it was from the cold or from how close you were to him. both? maybe both. he didn’t mind either way. at this point, he’d given everything to you. his time, his love, himself. Gojo Satoru was always planning for the future. everything he did today would be to improve tomorrow. yet when he was with you, it felt that, even for a second in this dimly-lit shelter with a bus that was far too behind schedule, he could live in the moment. he would give more of himself to you if he could. and he did. that’s why he didn’t respond to you. that’s why he placed his hands over yours. and that’s why this was the moment where he finally decided to kiss you.

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[moondustis]

remember when (m)

pairing: jaehyun + reader genre: angst, smut, soulmate!au, rich kid!au, convenience marriage!au, hurt/comfort, college!au (more details + warnings after read more)  word count: 12,7k summary: A story about vulnerability and the lines we draw to avoid it. About soulmates, desires, setting yourself free. And, of course, a story about love and discovering exactly what it is. song recs: skin by mac miller and pure love by hayley williams 

warnings: there are some mentions of drug use, brief mention of mental issues, bad parenting. just overall some subjects that might not be comfortable to read like i usually put on my fics but it's nothing out of the ordinary, and nothing graphics happens!  disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. none of the events described are real or are an accurate representation of the people and brands named. 

a/n: i would like to thank mary (neostains) for requesting this fic and cami (caiuscassiuss) for helping me with some informations about how ivy leagues work lol. this is my longest work so far, i think, and it’s a very special one. i hope you guys enjoy it! 

✶

There was a time in your childhood where you remember being obsessed with princess movies. Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, name a fairytale and you would have probably watched it a couple of times, entranced by the images playing on the newest television your father had bought.

Isn’t it fucked up that young girls are always fed this stereotypical image of love? It’s like a woman is not good for anything but to love someone, to be a half until she found the other and became whole. At 8 you ate that up like no one else.

At 11 your mother hires someone to give you a talk, about how the world worked and about the weird name that would appear in your arm once you turned 18. It feels like a lecture, the woman telling you about perfect matches, the probabilities of love and soulmates in a flat tone that didn’t make you feel as excited as you did watching the fairytales you used to like. When you tell your friends at school about it, they act surprised at the way you were told and instead, tell you about the stories about meeting your true love their own parents had shared.

At 15, your mother enrolls you in preparatory school, with full theatricals about intellects and getting into the best college possible so you can do your duty as heir of your father’s company when it becomes necessary.

It takes you a while, but you realize finally that love is nothing compared to money when you see for the first time that the name on your mother's wrist is not your fathers. Not long after that, you find out that for the sake of the company, you would be marrying Jung Jaehyun, heir of the second biggest automobilistic company in the country.

At 18 you think romance and love are trivial things.

⋄

NOVEMBER, 2013

It’s a harsh winter, one that makes your hands tremble and your head hurt more than usual.

You rub at your temples as you make your way down the hallway as students pass by you at the same pace as yours to get to their next class. A dreading routine, one that is so busy it leaves you with no time to think of anything else but the essay you have to write, or the grade you have been waiting to receive.

Today, though, your headache is so intense that your mind is filled with nothing but a black void.

Despite that, you walk in small steps to your literature lecture. Your bag feels as heavy as your head and the thick wool sweater you have on is barely enough to keep you warm, legs shivering from the stupid skirt they made you wear. Knee length, of course, but still a bother to sit and move.

Fuck boarding school, is what you think as you pass a group of boys talking loudly. One of them has a Harvard pin on his cardigan, you notice in the back of your mind. It only makes you feel sicker.

The first bell rings and you realize how slow you have been really walking. A faster pace, a muttered curse and then the second bells makes you feel like your ears are melting, headache increasing. Now you’re late, a rare occurrence that will probably not affect your records in any way, but still, makes you walk faster.

It all happens very fast. You turn into the corridor that leads to your classroom but not a second later you’re bumping straight into someone, books in your hand scattering to the floor and head spinning from the impact. It’s hard keeping your balance, but the harsh grip on your forearms helps and then you’re opening your eyes, that you didn't notice you had squeezed shut in the first place.

“Fuck, I’m really sorry.” The voice is familiar but the curse feels alien on your ears. Jung Jaehyun never curses, he has manners better than that. “I’m running late and walking too fast.”

He mumbles and you almost snort at the obviousness of it all. At the fact you were literally doing the same thing. “It’s okay. I should’ve been paying more attention.” There’s no reason for either of you to be apologizing, is what you think about as your hand immediately moves to your temple again in hopes pressing on it will cease the pain.

He’s looking right at you when you finally meet his eyes. His face is painted with embarrassment, the red hue on his ears a dead giveaway. He doesn’t keep eye contact for more than five second, instead moving to pick up your books for you. “Still, I’m very sorry.” He sounds polite, as always. The curse from before is still fresh on your mind.

You had met Jung Jaehyun at the age of 9, not that you remember exactly how it went. Some random brunch where you and him sat side by side as your mothers talked about whatever was happening seven years ago. You remember your old nanny being there, and how she asked sweetly if you would like more juice. You remember missing her when she got fired three weeks later for unrelated matters that were never told to you. And that’s about it.

After that, the years passed with Jaehyun being a weird presence in your life. The rich kids ran in the same circles, that didn’t take you a long time to realize and wherever you went he was there too.

German classes at 11, the birthday party of the daughter of someone you didn't know at 12, etiquette classes at 13. An event for your father's company at 14, one of his fathers at 15 and now at 16, attending the same boarding school and having to meet each other like this, with awkward smiles and polite conversation. Because navigating a relationship you didn't know the other very well, but too well at the same time was a weird thing to do.

Jung Jaehyun was like you, but at the same time he wasn't. You were friends but at the same time merely acquaintances.

But this you remember vividly: him asking you random things at german classes and making you laugh with his awkward pronunciation. Him eating cake by your side at the birthday party, covering his lips before he asked you if you like chocolate or vanilla more. Him making fun of you quietly for dropping down your fork loudly in the middle of etiquette class. Him standing awkwardly by your side while you got reprimanded by your mother during the event, for not properly remembering the name of a lady that came to greet you, your head down as you forced yourself not to cry in front of him.

And then, his father clapping yours on the back after they talked about how lovely it would be if someday the two of you got married to join economic forces. No, not someday. When you two got married.

You, pretending he didn't exist after that day, because you realized that this too you wouldn't get to decide.

Jaehyun clears his throat, hands you your books. “How is your father?” He asks, a stupid question to ask when you're both late. A stupid question to ask, period.

You try not to grimace. “He's okay. Alive.” And then he’s chuckling lowly, awkwardly.

“That’s good, no company to run at 16 then.” He tries to joke and it's amusing, in a way that for someone else might not be. But you two are the same, at least when it comes to this.

“And hopefully never.” A stupid thing to hope for, but still he smiles at you.

Then the moment is over, the third alarm sounds and both your eyes shoot open and you’re muttering goodbyes before heading to your classes.

Your head still hurts, but you don’t feel as cold anymore.

⋄

2015

Anticipation, isn’t that just a fancier word to describe the gut feeling that something is going to happen? Worst yet when you know exactly what it is, but have no possible ways of knowing the possible outcome.

There’s a window behind your advisor, with a view to the field where the lacrosse team practices. You watch it with a lack of interest as the older lady flips through pages and more pages of what is possibly your future.

No, not possibly. Definitely your future. Because at least to this, you knew the only outcome possible.

It’s a pretty day, one that shouldn’t be spent inside a room with wood furniture and shelves and more shelves of books, that are almost as many as the certificates on the wall. Not when it also happens to be your birthday.

“This is a really good essay, ___. You have a talent with words.” Your advisor breaks the silence in a flat voice despite it being a compliment. It makes your eyes immediately refocus on her but she gives you no time yet to reply. “I am sure the admission team will read it with interest.”

“Thank you.” A polite smile reaches your lips. She was never much of a praiser, not that she needed to be. Your last name carried all the confidence you needed to have for a thing like this.

And, perhaps the interest they would be having would be exactly about that. What does the only heir of the biggest automotive company in the country have to offer for Stanford? Probably a lot, with a weight that heavy on her shoulders.

“You have started applications to only two schools, are you sure you would not like to add more?” Now she says it in a weirdly soft tone. Persuasion, because it would look good for the school that one of their best students accepted to all the ivy leagues. Your GPA would make sure of that, but that's not all.

“I don’t see the point. Stanford has always been my only choice.” You say it as nicely as possible because this is an old conversation.

“I see, well. This is it then, there's a few other students interested in attending Stanford too." She smiles bitterly, gathering the papers and putting it back on their respective folders. "But the chances of you getting in are very good. I'm sure all your hard work will pay off.”

You go to thank her but at that moment there's a pinch on your arm that leaves you distracted. It's followed by a weird burning sensation that doesn't cease when you grip it underneath the table as gently as possible. If anything, the fabric of your cardigan only makes it worse.

She bids you your goodbyes, with pleasantries exchanged but when you reach the door to leave she interrupts. “Oh, I almost forgot. Happy birthday, ____.” She smiles when you turn to thank her. “Please enjoy the rest of the day, turning 18 is very special.”

With a small bitter smile and promise to do so, you leave the room.

You reach your dorm room in no time, a stoic face on but with quick steps. And you try not to think about it, but the burning sensation on your arms continues.

It goes like this:

You close the door behind you gently, dropping your things down and immediately crumbling as you slide to the floor, unable to stand still anymore. You cry, for the second time today because birthdays were just not good. For about 10 minutes that's all that happens, your silent sobs and complete silence filling the room.

The burning in your arms stays there as a painful reminder and it tempts you to look, even though you know that the outcome didn't matter, not for you. Because behind blurry teary eyes you can see perfectly the image of your own mother's arm and the name of someone you didn't know, that she probably also didn't.

Because you are now 18 and you think romance and love are trivial things, that's all they could be.

You are now 18, and when you can't stand not knowing for another minute, you raise the sleeve of your cardigan and the name Jung Jaehyun is there on your wrist.

An ugly, incredulous laugh leaves your lips and soon turns into a sob. Of course it had to be him, you and Jung Jaehyun were tied to each other for a reason that was beyond fate.

You squeeze your eyes at the same time your hands squeeze your thighs, trying to get a grip. You calm yourself down, deep breaths in and out, your mind providing the good and the bad. No matter how you looked at it, it seemed like a trick the universe was playing on you. One, it would be worse if another name appeared, a name that you would have to pretend didn't exist, because this was just another thing you didn't have a say in. This was supposed to happen anyway, maybe it was better this way.

Then your mind provides another thought that makes your mind swirl. Jung Jaehyun had turned 18 in February, your name had appeared on his arms months ago and he didn't say a word about it to you, or to anyone for all you know. Maybe he was pretending too, maybe he wanted more time thinking that at least this he would get to choose.

Well, whatever fairytale that had been created inside stupid minds, was gone now.

⋄

The whole thing is announced two weeks later, in a gossip magazine with information from an inside source. Information that is carefully crafted from a marketing team the moment you reveal the result.

A result, like a test had been applied and you got Jung Jaehyun for whatever reason.

You exchange pleasantries the next time you see him, no trace of being too young to know the rest of your lives already. You just look at each other in maybe defeat, while your families make a toast to celebrate a wedding to take place in a few years from now. A wedding that held meaning beyond the marks that tied the two of you. Destiny just helped a little bit, it was just a good excuse to justify a marriage that had been arranged ages ago.

A month later you get accepted to Stanford, of course you do. And your mother's smile is a loud reminder of every single time she called you and inquired about every grade, every step you made to make sure this happened and that it all happened accordingly.

It doesn't take you long to find out Jaehyun got accepted there too.

⋄

AUGUST 2016

The heels of your Miu Miu boots make small stomping noises on the wood floor sounds as you walk through shelves and shelves filled with books. It’s not a loud sound, probably only perceived by your own ears, and you let it distract you as you navigate the big corridors of the Green Library.

Stanford had made your eyes shine during your first visit and then for the first months of your freshman year. The thrill of finally experiencing something new and yet undiscovered carried on until it gave space to normalcy, another routine. But this time, a feeling blossomed inside your stomach with wanting to eat it up.

A feeling that died and resurrected every now and then, but you played it safe. Navigating it with baby steps with fear of what could happen if you strained a little too far from the line. And what could that be? A magazine spread on how a famous philanthropic's daughter parties too hard in college, with pictures of you doing a line on marble countertops?  A class failed and the disappointment on your mother's voice when she called you? A scandal about your night escapades? You didn’t want to find out just yet.

So you settle for your new routine, of going out every now and then with the roommates that you were about to consider friends. Pondering if it’s worth it to join another club, just to feel like there's something else that makes you feel excited. Coming to the library, studying to keep your mind busy because your thoughts were never up to no good.

And it's so easy, being busy like you always managed to, with assignments, and volunteering and maintaining a perfect GPA.

It's also easy to ignore Jung Jaehyun’s existence. Because this time, unlike in boarding school, the task is much simpler, since classes are filled with so many people that on the ones you shared with him you barely get a glance of his eyes. Because he ran around in circles that had nothing to do with yours.

It was always clear to you, since youth, that Jaehyun was a social butterfly that just needed a little pushing, and he was nice enough that people always wanted him near. A high contrast to your quietness and introverted ways, staying in small circles and almost never allowing people to get too close.

It's weird thinking about him, putting a face to the name that was forever marked on your skin as a reminder of your future. It was weird thinking that it was easy to ignore this feeling too, like all the other ones that you have kept away in your small little box. The feelings that came out at least once a year when it all became too much, and you would sit in a duvet to spill all the dead butterflies inside your stomach out on the floor of a therapy clinic.

But even like this, weirdness doesn't begin to cover the way sometimes you catch yourself thinking of a memory that involves him, random and unexpected. A moment shared before the two of you discovered what expected you, before destiny was revealed. And you don't pretend that it's not real, that you don't feel the longing and need to be close, that your skin doesn't tingle when you see him around campus. You were long past pretending now, because there was no reason to play dumb when sometimes all you had were your own thoughts to rot your brain.

What you were good at, though, was concealing it all.

Was Jaehyun good at that too? Now that's something that you think about more than you would like. It didn't help that sometimes you would bump into him out of nowhere.

You enter the marketing aisle, eyes fixed on the small numbers taped to each section in hopes that the book you need was still here. It takes you awhile to realize that there's someone else with you, only moving your head up when you hear the footsteps approaching.  

“Hi.” Jaehyun says, a small smile on his lips that is as gentle as every other thing about his looks. He stands close, but not too much. A safe distance for you to run your eyes through his body one time, eyes stopping at the big ‘S’ on his sweatshirt.

You clear your throat before greeting him back. “Hello.” Your voice is low, thoughtful of your surroundings, but you match his smile in a silent agreement of politeness.

His eyes run through your face the same way yours does his. Curiosity, or maybe the longing feeling you try to not think about. The unspoken space in between the two of you is intact for now.  

He has changed so much in a year, is what you always think about when you two get to see each other up close. It always made you feel a weird nostalgia, seeing a face you had known for so long but now feels a little out of reach because of your own stubbornness. Your own fears.

“What book are you looking for?” He asks after some time, making small talk.

You turn your eyes to the books, him following. “Uhm, Kotler.”

“Oh, of course. How is marketing going?” You almost laugh at his attempt to make conversation, a skill well acquired during etiquette class.

“It’s okay. Not regretting it yet.” A half lie. Maybe another thing you were keeping locked deep down, your dislike for your major. But thinking about that while having a conversation with your soulmate was far from something you wanted to do.

He hums amused, eyes still fixed on the shelf. “That's good.”

You finally find the book, leaning down to get it and hugging it to your chest as your mind searches for something to offer for your own piece of ice breaker. Then you remember seeing his face last week printed on a glossy paper, an intricate article on consumerism tendencies online besides it.

“Congrats on the publication.” You say, facing him again. It’s genuine, because you knew how things like that really mattered. Small things that were nowhere near the accomplishments expected of the two of you, but still something to be proud of.

He laughs lowly, with bashful manners of looking down to his feet and with ears turning red. “It’s just a campus magazine.” Because of course he would be humble, amongst all the other qualities you were well acquainted with. Deep down you know that it's just a reflection of the high expectations that have been set the moment he was born.

“Still, it was very well written. And everyone said it was impressive for a freshman.” Everyone being the friend that showed you the magazine, but you'll pretend for him that it was something more. To try and erase the feeling of not deserving something that probably runs through his mind.

You would crush it beneath your boots if you could, it's the weird thought that runs through yours.

He huffs. “Well, it’s Stanford. Hard to know what's gonna be impressive and what is just expected of you.”

“Good thing we are all promising young adults that don't need their egos to be fed, right?” You joke back and it makes him laugh a little too loudly, quickly stopping himself as you two exchange awkward but familiar glances with tiny smiles on your lips.

A moment of silence settles next, one that lasts only long enough for you to shift the weight from one leg to another. Then he's asking. “Are you… Are you doing something this weekend?”

“I’m expected at a company party.” You reply flatly, blinking twice but not really pondering the reasons for his curiosity. You two stare at each other for a second that passes quickly.

“The HSBC event?” He asks and you nod, expecting the words he says next. “Oh, I'll attend it as well.”

“Boring, huh?” An attempt to continue a conversation that should've ended by now.

“Yeah.” He looks at you, and then away, and then back at you. “I was thinking that we could have din-“

Footsteps interrupt his words and you look behind your shoulder to see who the newcomer is. A tall man, taller than Jaehyun even, smiles at you guiltily before he’s looking at Jaehyun and raising his brows. “We are late, dude.” He deadpans as you look between the two of them.

“Shit, I didn’t realize.” Jaehyun says in a groan, bringing his big watch to his face,  and you have to contain a smile at the curse. Then he turns to you. “Sorry, I gotta go.”

“It’s fine.” You mumble, the book still held tight against your chest.

He waves awkwardly as the other man throws you another smile. You watch them leave with trembling fingers.

⋄

DECEMBER 2017

December always made you feel a little weird. Blame it on the cold and the days spent in bed trying to get the warmth you craved. Or on the impending approach of winter break and having to deal with your parents and your obligations for the month to follow.

But you try not to think about that just yet, when the time comes you'll deal with it. That's what you always do. For now you let your bed swallow you as you scroll down mindless through your instagram feed, double tapping publications of past boarding school acquaintances smiling with the Harvard location attached to each picture, just like the brand names are attached to their clothes. It's a little pathetic to you that your own account looks the same, with pictures carefully picked with a marketing tactic in mind.

Your little distraction is interrupted when the door to your room opens and your roommate, Ela, walks in, clearly shivering from the cold even underneath her thick dark grey coat. “God, it's fucking freezing outside.” She mumbles as a greeting, removing her boots and setting it close to the door before draping her coat on her chair.

“How was the meeting?” You ask from under your blankets, laughing a little as she drops her things on her own bed. The question makes her sigh loudly.

“That dude is still an asshole.” The dude in question being her partner to a never ending project of rebranding that sometimes stressed even you, from how much she talked about it. “But we are almost done with it now.”

“That's good.”

She plops on her bed, across from yours and a comfortable silence settles for a moment as she probably tries to have a moment of calmness.

Ela was an old face on your life, having attended the same school but never really getting closer than knowing each other's name. Still, it was good that you got paired to dorm with her. A familiar face that became a friend of sorts, as the two of you built a relationship on things in common and the want to have someone you could trust in a new place. And she was different than you, more outgoing, had a liking for socializing that you could never match, but still understood you.

“Hey, did you finish that essay already?” She asks, turning her face to you.

“Yes, it was bitch to write.”

“And Kotler is super boring to read.” A sigh escapes her lips and you agree loudly because she's right. Sometimes, when you allowed yourself a moment of wishful thinking, you would wonder what it would be like to have a major that you didn't feel like your brain was melting from boredom when reading about.

“I'm really tired.” You reply, just to say something back.

“Same. Are you doing something for winter break?”

In your mind you know exactly what you'll be doing, a schedule even ready on your mind, but  instead you say “Not really, are you?”

She hums, voice tired but still excited as she goes on about how she wants to go to Europe again, visit Amsterdam because that was one of her favorite travel destinations. When you ask how it was, she describes in perfect detail, how the streets looked and how it felt very welcoming, telling you that you absolutely had to go there someday.

You promise to go and in the back of your mind you wish you could. Maybe you can if you can do more week hours on your internship and ask for a free week.

You shake your head at that though.

“Oh, I got this little get together today. At that bar downtown.. .Do you want to go?” You know she’s asking out of politeness, not because she didn't want you there but because you rarely said yes to her invitations.

But there’s a tiny spark on your chest, one that resembles the restless feeling you would get when you stayed too long laying down. It's not a motivation as much as it is boredom and the wish to feel something other than half emptiness. Other than the want to escape.

“Ok.” You say, shrugging slightly.

“Really?”

The raise of her brow makes you laugh. “Yeah, we are getting home next week. That's the last time I get to do this for a while.”

⋄

The bar is a little crowded, with winter break approaching and no one really daring step outside for a smoke because of how cold it is. The owners took great advantage of that by offering a ‘buy two get one free’ deal, that if you take a closer look at is really just a scam considering the price. But it's enough to fool college students that are excited about being away from this place for a while.

That’s what you think about after you down the remnants of the third drink you and your roommate shared. It’s not that kind of night, of getting wasted and not remembering anything the next day. It’s more of a little get together, for your roommate's club members and you are here merely as an intruder.

You feel just a little tipsy as you listen to her friends talk, some of them you knew from afar and some were just strangers that were nice enough to make you laugh every now and then. Still, you feel detached from the conversation, smiling and nodding when needing but not really taking part.

“What about you, ___?” A girl with round cheeks and pretty eyes asks you regarding your vacation plans. “You gotta invite us if you are throwing a party.”

You scoff before you can catch yourself. Alcohol always drops your inhibitions a little, but still you are quick to cover it up. You laugh along with the others, promising to invite everyone even though you are not throwing any parties, most likely never.

You roommate looks at you from the corner of her eye, smiling sympathetically because she knows you, and knows how stupid her friends are, but it's fine. You just wish you could just take it easily, the interest, the wanting to get close so they too will appear in a gossip magazine and live the life they think you do, without wanting to tell them to get a fucking life already, because this is just pathetic.

You smile back at her, wishing for another drink as your thigh highs start to roll a little uncomfortably. Shifting from leg to leg does nothing to help it, so you try to push the little annoyance to the back of your mind.

The small groups divide in different topics over the time, and you find yourself talking to some guy you had never seen before, that goes on and on about his amazing business ideas and how successful it's going to be when he finds the right stakeholders. You nod and try to focus through the whole thing.

The rest of the night goes like that. Fake laughter, loud music and conversation that gets more boring as the clock ticks, so you find an escape excusing yourself to go to the bathroom, not because you need to but to get away for a second.

In retrospect maybe it would've been better to endure another discussion about LA clubs and entrepreneurship.

The bar is so crowded that you have to excuse yourself at least five times, and on the sixth one you end up bumping into someone.

“Oh.” Is the clever thing you say when your eyes are met with Jaehyun already looking at you, his eyes lower than usual from probably taking advantage of the drink deal like you had.

He looks relaxed, hair parted in a way that shows his forehead and an all black outfit that doesn’t look as expensive as it probably is, but he makes it work so well that you do a double look while in your hazy state. If he notices, he doesn’t show it by the way he keeps his smile unfazed at you.

“We gotta stop seeing each other by accident,” he says, laughing a little.

“Yeah.” His words take a little to digest so you keep looking at him for a beat of a second. It’s a first, seeing him in a place like this. Where you can see just how well he really can adjust to any setting. He fits right in with the low lights and the relaxed atmosphere.

“This is Johnny.” He gestures for the guy besides him, who turns his attention to you and smiles in a way that’s a little familiar. Then you realize he’s the guy from the library over a year ago, and the friend Jaehyun posted pictures every now and then on his instagram page.

“Hey, It’s nice to meet you.” Johnny says, same smile from before still on and you return it. “Have heard a lot about you.”

That makes you laugh, a mixture of confusion and excitement and politeness that confuses even yourself. “Good things I hope.”

He tilts his head playfully. “Only the best things you can hear in place like this.”

The three of you share smiles, the interaction then turning into a conversation promoted by a question you ask, both from wanting to have something to say and out of curiosity. Johnny does most of the talking, explaining how he and Jaehyun had been friends for a while but only got closer now that they are attending the same university. They share a story of something that happened, them buying each other the same thing for christmas and you listen to the whole thing entranced.

It’s weird in some way how you can learn so much from your own soulmate from someone else. And it's weird how you react with joy, perhaps, to the teasing Johnny does to Jaehyun so naturally.

When the conversation settles down, Johnny looks between the two of you for a few seconds before he’s excusing himself to find an unnamed person. It was predictable he would do that, with the way he kept aiming the conversation to make it about Jaehyun, as if he somehow had to wing his friend to you.

You stare at your shoes, unsure of what to say now and maybe too worn out from the whole night to come up with something to talk about. But you don’t have to, because soon he’s asking  “Are you here alone?”

You look up, a tiny smile on your lips. “No, I came with my roommate. But she's with her friends.”

“Oh, I’ll keep you company then.” He offers and you nod, following him to the bar where it's more illuminated and you can both lean a little on the counter.

Jaehyun is good at making people feel comfortable, you had noticed that many times before and it's no surprise when he asks you about your roommate, about what songs you have been listening to lately. He tries to keep a conversation with ease, even if it stays in the usual surface you two are used to.

If you weren't so distracted by everything, your mind would probably offer that it feels a lot like when you were kids and standing in the corner of a ballroom in uncomfortable clothes, talking about things that didn't matter.

“Have you ever been to Amsterdam?” You ask him suddenly when the past topic dies down.

“Yeah, it's really nice there.”

You hum, remembering your roommate's words. “That’s cool, I really want to go there someday.”

Out of nowhere he starts laughing a little, as if you had said something funny. When you inquire about it, he shakes his head clearly amused by the way his eyes squint a little from his smile. “It's just… Don’t you think it's weird that we have known each other for all these years, and all we do is do this weird small talk?”

You laugh too, speaking before you can stop yourself. “And still for some reason I feel like I know you.”

His eyebrows raise for a second but his smile is unfaltering, your statement not bothering him.  “You know me.” He says, as a matter of fact. “And I know you.”

Now this makes you freeze, blinking slowly but it doesn't last long until you are covering your surprise by chuckling. Your eyes meet his and it strikes you that it's true, you know him and he knows you. Not everything, but what would be the fun in that.

Maybe that's why the two of you kept doing this small talk, to get to know each other better even in the smallest things. That's what getting to know someone is, after all. Not the business interviews and networking you grew up with.

You shake your thoughts away, leaning on the counter with one elbow and then resting your face on your palm. “What is your favorite thing about me then?” It's what you ask, in a playful tone to keep the conversation going. Or because you actually want to know, out of curiosity or vanity.

He chuckles, bringing his hand to his face as if in deep thought, before he replies. “I like that you are smart.”

The simplicity of it makes you snort. “Please, that's a cliche thing to say in a place like this.” You say, mimicking the words his friend had said to you earlier. “What does that even mean?”

“I don't know.” He shrugs while laughing, “Johnny just says things like that sometimes.”

You nod then, making an amused sound while you turn on the counter to stare forward. Your roommate is on the opposite side of yours, leaning against a wall while talking to a girl taller than her but just as pretty. The view makes a tiny smile settle on your lips, the beginning of a spark on your chest.

It always amazed you how people who didn't know their soulmate yet continued to live on, simply letting the universe do its thing naturally. In your young mind you had always thought that love was supposed to be a yearning that you couldn't control, that you would have to be with the person you love no matter what, and do anything to find them. That had changed now.

You turn to Jaehyun again. “What would you say is your favorite thing about me then, if we didn't know each other already?” You ask. It's a weird question because it makes him raise one eyebrow at you, but there's still not a trace of annoyance on his face.

“Isn't that also cliche to say?” He huffs. “That you are the prettiest girl I have ever seen?”

You can't help the embarrassed laugh that leaves your parted lips in shock. “Are you flirting with me?”

His ear gets an incredible red shade and you find it extremely charming. “It's just the truth.” He defends himself and it only makes you giggle more.

You thank him, tell him that you think he’s pretty too and correct it to handsome when he raises one eyebrow again. It makes a nice atmosphere settle and you feel comfortable enough to ask “So... if we didn't know each other you would flirt with me at a random party? Buy me a drink and all that?”

He smiles, dimples showing while he brushes his hair back. It's not the first time, of course, but you find yourself a little in awe at how pretty he actually is. Pretty in a way that makes you feel a little out of it, stunned by the way his lips start forming his next words.  

“What do you like to drink?” He asks casually.

Now it's your turn to raise one eyebrow. “Hmm, I like Moscow Mules.”

You watch as he turns to the bar, calling the waiter over and ordering two drinks of your said preference. The mixture of feelings on your chest make you feel drunker than you did before and you wish you could put a name to it. Excitement, amusement, whatever it is only increases when he looks at you again.

“I’m Jung Jaehyun, by the way.” He offers, smiling sweetly and you match it when you realize what he's playing at

“I’m _____. It's nice to meet you.”

⋄

Playing pretend with him is easy, even more when the drinks make your inhibitions fall completely. Jaehyun tells a joke and you lean forward a little. Then you talk about something and he comes closer as if to hear better. Another drink and plenty of silly conversation later, he's completely invading your space in a way that you don't feel slightly bothered by.  

Not even when leans to whisper in your ear. “Do you want to get out of here?”

You leave the bar giggling like the two mildly drunk people you are, basking in the joy of it and of the little fantasy you two have created. Jaehyun keeps you close, your hands linked and it's such a nice feeling that you get even more overwhelmed in a good way. The two of you walk almost glued to each other basically skipping and muttering playfully things just to say something.

When you are near the dorm complex, he stops abruptly and when you turn to him, his hands find your cheeks and his eyes search yours for a brief moment before he’s bringing your face closer to his.

It's a sweet kiss, contrary to what you thought it would be when you allowed yourself to think about this. You had always imagined desperation, not being able to endure not doing it anymore. But the reality is that Jaehyun kisses you with delicacy and  even if there is desperation to it, it's not in a way that overpowers anything else. But in a way that makes you moan lowly, makes you press him even closer by grabbing his shirt as he moves his lips slowly against yours.

There are no fireworks, no deep realization that you are kissing the person you are meant to be with for the rest of your life. But it's good, makes you want more, makes you want to bring him closer than possible, and maybe that's proof enough.

You reach his dorm in a blink after that, him having a bit of a hard time opening the door but when he does it takes no time for you to be pressed to it.

For a moment he just looks at you, eyes hazy and shining. They run through your face the same way yours does his, with longing that is finally allowed. You try to quiet the way your heart beats by leaning forward and kissing him.

The kiss is hungry but never too fast, with his hands moving to your hips and you pulling on his lips. When you moan a little at the feel, he opens his mouth a little, sliding his tongue against yours and you swear at yourself for waiting so long. Swear that you will never get enough of this.

Your lips move together in a way that is proof enough to you that this is something else even in your drunk state. His lips are soft, tongue moving with yours as if he wants to take his time and when your hands move from his shoulders to his neck he  shudders, parting from you with a wet sound.

“W-We should...” He murmurs against your lip and you nod before he even finishes, letting him lead you to his bed. It feels a lot like yours, and the rest of the room is just as familiar but you pay no attention to that when he lays you on it gently.

It’s no surprise that Jaehyun is a giving lover and you figure that out when he kisses you like he wants to find out exactly what you like. Exactly how to make you fall apart in his hands.

He does everything with an expertise that maybe should make you feel jealous, but out of all things you are, a hypocrite is not one of them. So he shows you what he has learn from other people, and you show him what you have

And he doesn't settle for anything less than kissing all over your body after the two of you get undressed. For less than telling you in whispered words that he has dreamed about this before so many times and immediately swallowing with his tongue the words you would never be able to let out.

That you had dreamed about this too.  Dreamed about coming on his tongue as he eats you out, your hands grabbing at his hair and seeing stars. A giving lover, of the best kind,  Even more when he asks, with his mouth shining with your arousal. “How do you want it?”

You blink as your mind spins with the endless possibilities, but the ultimate realization that you would have him any way.  You decide on the one that gives you more control. “I… I want to ride you.”

He bites his lips, ears burning red again. “Yeah,” His words come out mumbles as he just looks at you for a second before moving to lay on his back. “Yeah, ok. Fuck.”

You straddle his hips after he rolls down the condom, his eyes looking up at you in what you think is adoration, pure desire. And then you kiss him again, all tongue but still slow. So deep that you think you’ll never forget what he tastes like.

He lets you sink down at your own pace, palms on your ass when you move slowly, feeling him stretch you with every inch you sit on. He hums, hands tracing your skin delicately and it only makes it so much worse.

You move, a grind at first testing the water and immediately crying out lowly from the friction and you look for support with nails grabbing at his chest. He doesn't seem to mind.

“Good?” A stupid question to ask with the way you are so wet around him that the room is filled with a squelching sound when you move up and down with all the patience in the world.

Still, you nod. “You feel - Fuck - really good.”

He looks down at where you’re connected, biting his lips to suppress the noises you want him to let out so you move your hips with purpose, eyes roaming his face to watch it contort in pleasure as he lets out the prettiest moan you have ever heard. Low and deep.

His hands move further down then, gripping your hips and moving you in a grind that feels too good. So good that you have to drop your arms to his chest for leverage as he moves you to his liking, pushing your hips back and forth.

You come with your back arching, long moan of his name as your entire body shakes and tingles and you have to grip at the sheets beside you for support. You try to keep moving as your orgasm washes over you but its too much and your walls clenching around his cock  makes him grip your ass even tighter, the action sending a thrill down your body as you fall forward on his chest with a wail.

Your mind swims in the gooey feeling of pleasure and all you can think about is him. Jaehyun, Jaehyun, Jaehyun.

He waits for a second, hand moving to your back as your body trembles, drawing calming circles on it. When you have calmed down, he plants his feet on the bed and starts moving his hips up slowly and patiently but with deep strokes that make you bite your lip with oversensitivity.

And when you can, you move your head up, balancing yourself on your arms and looking at him. He wastes no time in kissing you, not deep because he parts his lips in a groan during a particular stroke, speeding his movements and grunting when you try to meet them back.

It’s when he has had enough, that he pulls out only to turn you on your back so he can enter you more easily, his hips now meeting yours in a pace that tells you that he’s close.

“Jae, oh… oh my god.” You sigh dreamily yet broken enough that it makes him smile when a sharp thrust makes your hips raise a little. He looks proud of being able to get you like this.

He hums as if agreeing with a very thorough statement, moving his arms so he can press his chest to yours as he fucks into you with calculated thrusts . You can barely move with his weight on top of you, with how he seems to lock you in place with his hips and it’s enough for another broken sob to fall from your lips.

“Deep?” He asks in a groan and with a nice slide of his cock inside of you to punctuate the question. You nod frantically because he’s as deep as he can get, knows this very well, and the feeling is something that makes you flutter around him in the desperate need to come.

He kisses your cheek then, two sweet but filthy enough with his heavy exhales against it. His pace never gets too fast, just hinting at it but he maintains a speed that leaves you in the brink of another orgasm. But, you only reach it when he pinches your clit with his fingers, circling it until your lips part in a silent scream and you’re coming again, stars behind your eyelids.

And the sounds he makes when your walls squeeze just a little more than he can handle are something else. A deep groan and a pained little sob that you find extremely endearing and hot at the same time, his face contorting as he quickened his pace just enough to push him over the edge, finally releasing inside the condom.    

He pulls out, breath heavy as he smiles at you falling putty on the bed and watching as he removes the condom and disposes it only to come quickly to the bed quickly.

He hovers over you, kissing you sweetly. Your arms find his shoulders easily as the two of you bask in the afterglow of it.

Then he kisses you again, tongues dancing together and you don’t mind when his hand starts to wander again, sending goosebumps to your body. His fingers find your clit with ease, circling it slowly before applying more pressure as your lips part and your hand grip his arm, for support and not to cut the actions.

You come again, not as strong as your first one but still enough to have you shaking a little and screaming silently. His finger stays at your clit, hovering until he asks again in a whisper. “Another?”

You nod, and he resumes his actions slowly, until you are seeing starts and he swallows your moans with kisses and stops your trembling with soft hands grounding you.

When you recover your breath, an incredulous laughter leaves your lips. “You’re insane.” He just smiles, nose brushing against yours.  “God, I...I gotta clean up now.”

He moves to get up. “Yeah sure, I’ll show you the bathroom.”

You end up cleaning together, a shower that doesn't take you long, even if it's hard to keep your hands to yourselves but you are both tired, feeling a little drained after the glow has gone away.

⋄

Afterwards, you are laying on his bed side by side, surrounded by the smell of his body wash and wearing the big t-shirt and sweatpants he offered you.

Your mind starts wandering lazily with the remnants of your high, that's why the words escape your mouth without much thought. “Isn't it weird that even if we have someone in the world meant for us we can still feel lonely?” You are not lonely right now, not really. Maybe it's just the sadness of winter speaking, or maybe you're still a little drunk.

He takes a second to reply, voice low when he does. “Yeah. But you don't have to.” He says.“ Feel lonely, I mean. You don't have to.”

It's a little funny how he feels the need to explain himself to you, as if you don't quite understand him when the reality it's both very far from that and exactly it at the same time.

“I don't think thats how it works. It's not up to me.” If it was, wouldn't you have stopped being lonely by now? Wouldn't you have finally succumbed to the desperate need of wanting someone, something, when late night hit and the mark in your arm would burn just as your eyes as you fought back tears?

Still, he says simply. “I think it is.”

You smile sadly then, turning to him a little and watching as he kept his gaze on the ceiling. He looked relaxed, as if this setting was soothing his mind and it makes a familiar feeling blossom on your chest.  “What did you feel when the mark showed up on your arm?” A question that you had wanted to ask the moment you found out it was him, but instead had failed miserably to guess the answer to.

“Relief.” He says without thinking, a truthful and genuine reply.

“That you wouldn't have to end up marrying someone that wasn't your soulmate?” You ask. All these years you had thought that this must've been it, what you felt that day.

“No. I was relieved that it was you anyway.” Is his reply, body turning and eyes meeting yours. For a second you’re frozen, blinking because it’s strange to have someone put their feelings out so easily.

“Is… Is that what love is, then?” You ask softly. “Relief that you have at least one person that makes you feel held?”

Maybe this is not really what he meant,  and more so wishful thinking of your part than anything else, but still he nods.

“I think it’s that. And other things.” His voice is soft when he says this. “I'm not sure what it is, but I want to find out.”

You can’t help as you examine his face after his confession. Is this what being soulmates is, then? Having someone that it's worth taking the risk of finding out? Or maybe it’s having someone that will show you exactly what it is.

Does all that explain the way you can't look away from him?

“Me neither.” You reply in the same quiet voice because it’s true. You tend to act like you know everything, and that you know what love is. You know love it’s pathetic and that it gets in the way of things, but is it really that bad? So you ask “Is it bad that I think you'll only love me because the mark on your arm tells you to?”

He laughs briefly. “No, it makes sense.” His eyes find yours again. “But you know it’s not, don't you?”

“I do.” At least you do now.

Maybe that's why you fall asleep so easily

⋄

2014 (flashback)

It’s the last day before summer break and Jaehyun is tired.

The other four guys he shared a room with are all packing their things for a nice vacation somewhere in Europe or one of the paradisiac beaches they all like to talk about. Jaehyun just wants to get home, not think about college applications for two months and maybe go somewhere he can be alone for a while.

“Sooyoung is kinda hot, huh?”  Yugyeom says out of nowhere and the room settles in a unison hum of agreement. He joins in too.

There’s a loud creak noise as another one of his roommates slumps into the bed but he doesn't bother checking who it is, mind somewhere else as he stares at the ceiling.

“True. But I would die if Ela gave me her number.” Jungkook sighs dreamily and Jaehyun can't help the snort that escapes his lips. Just yesterday they had a conversation exactly like this one, but not quite as innocent. Trust a group of men that have no idea who their roommates are to act like this.

Even though Doyoung, the only one of them that already knew, still acted the same when it came to this. His soulmate isn't someone he knew already, so what was the point in waiting. That's why he asks the next question. “Jaehyun, you know ___, right? Does she stick to the whole ‘waiting’ thing?”

Jaehyun blinks, shifts almost unnoticeable. “I don't know her like that.” Is what he says, which is a half true. He knows her, probably things no one else knows but that’s what happens when you grow up in the same circles, he guesses. Right now though, he feels like he doesn’t know her anymore, not with the distance she had put between them after the wedding was announced by your parents.

Then, he starts thinking about himself. Is he waiting for his soulmate? He has kissed some girls, but it never went beyond that. But now he remembers coming home from german class one day and his mother making soft cake as she told him about the name that would appear on his wrist.

He remembers that he had said loudly that he wished ____ would be his name, because then they could be better friends for some reason as silly as playing around together.

Sicheng interrupts his thoughts by snorting loudly. “Are you really trying to hit?” He asks Doyoung. “Gonna end up in the cover of a magazine for trying to corrupt the nation’s good girl.”

The room erupts in laughter and comments after that. He drowns it with his mind going somewhere else.

That night he dreams about her.

⋄

10, FEBRUARY 2018

Winter break goes by quickly with one too many end of the year celebration and wishing people you had never seen before a happy new year.

You spend your days fulfilling your internship at the company you would one day own, following around the superiors for the Marketing team and playing nice when they try to flatter you.

So busy that you can barely think about it, but you still do. You think about him so often that you think you have lost your mind.  And you see Jung Jaehyun too, here and there at parties, between whiskey glasses, tuxedos and unspoken words. Because, as you always thought, keeping it all unsaid is easier. At least for now.

Perhaps he knows it all, in a different way than you. So the two of you kept it lowkey, for the duration of those two months that are now gone with the wind. Two months of not a single magazine spread on your escapades, or you parents mentioning anything that is out of the ordinary.

It's as if the two of you have a secret, that some may assume, but still don't know for sure. What you and Jaehyun did that night is kept inside a locked box, one that you share with him and that every moment until now seems to fit in. What you don't know is if he too keeps the box as sacred as you do.

What you don't know is if the thought of it being opened by prying eyes scares him too.

Being back to campus is, ironically, a breath of fresh air. No more business meetings disguised as family celebrations, or stupid networking, or smiling for a camera to say that the company has never been better. No more internship and lack of time for something else.

February comes and it's just you, your dorm bed and the roommate you will miss when it's time. Just the lectures and keeping busy and trying not to think about things only to fail miserably.

But then, there are the phone calls, never ending and always the same. Or almost always.

The phone lights up, stupid ringtone, and your heart starts beating a little faster. How could someone ever guess what a phone call is about?  Not having control made you antsy.

Your mother greets you as always, stern words, asking how you have been out of politeness. You spend the entire phone call waiting for her to just say what she wants to already.

She mentions being busy, good opportunities, of an article you should read and something that sounds like a threat if you let yourself slip and get a scandal, even though she has said all this not long ago after gifting you another piece of jewelry you’ll keep stored deep in your drawer.

At least this time it doesn't take long for her to finally say what she wants. “Jaehyun’s birthday is soon. Don't forget to greet him.”

“I won't.” You reply simply but she’s quick to cut you off.

“Publicly. Maybe sending flowers would be good, or buying something that can get attention from the press.” It’s obvious this is not about you and your soulmate, it’s about you and your future. As everything is.

“Ok.”

“Just because he's your soulmate doesn't mean people will connect you two together forever.” She continues, never knowing when to stop. “You have to remind them of that.”

“I know that.” Because you do. There was no guarantee that your marriage with Jaehyun would be good publicity if the two of you weren’t liked or even popular.

You fear that when the time comes, people will realize something you yourself already has. That maybe you don’t really deserve Jaehyun, not because he’s better than you, but because you are not sure you can give him the love he deserves.

What you don't know clearly yet, is that you’re selfish and want him anyway.

“Good.” Your mother says and then the line cuts.

One time a therapist told you that maybe your mother was jealous. Because you would get to experience something she didn't, being with your soulmate, and that it was normal. It didn't mean she was evil and hated you. Another one said that that was the reason she was so stern, she wanted to keep you in line to prevent you from failure so as to not hurt you. That, behind the lack of affection, was a wish for your happiness.

Maybe there will be a time you understand that plenty. Maybe some things can never be truly fixed, only forgotten.

Four days days after that, you text Jaehyun a simple happy birthday with a heart at the end of it. You also get a chocolate cake sent to his place from a bakery you like, and when he calls to thank you, you tell him to not post it anywhere.

He laughs and tells you that it's a good idea.

⋄

2007 (flashback)

It was another late afternoon party, for another thing that you couldn’t remember or care about because things like this shouldn't really matter when you are only ten years old. Still, you had watched the other kids play with each other as their parents talked business and laughed, drunk from the bubbly drinks they downed glass after glass of.

For a moment you felt like reaching out and playing with them too, but it died soon and you stayed unmoving on the chair you had been placed in, while your parents did the same as the others somewhere in the distance.

It had been a pretty day, you remember, the sun was about to set and it made the shiny fabric on the tablecloths that were spread around the individual tables set outside, sparkle just the tiniest bit. You played with it to have something to distract yourself with.

You remember too, that Jung Jaehyun and his family were at the table right in front of yours, your parents greeting each other and talking briefly. Later on the party you had watched as he listened to something his mother said to him. She was beautiful, like your own mother, and you had heard her voice before so it had been easy to imagine in what tone she was speaking. Soft and low, how warmth felt like. As to the content of her words you would never know, but it had clearly been something nice because it made her son laugh as she patted his head.

You didn’t know back then that this moment would stick with you for the years to come, for a reason that at ten years old you were just beginning to understand. But still, the weird twist in your stomach, as you started to realize that something was wrong, would be felt many more times. As you realized that your family dynamics were not as warm as the others appeared to be.

⋄

25, FEBRUARY 2018

What you and Jaehyun have turns into something hard to describe.

The line you had so clearly put between the two of you, to avoid your future, had been replaced now by acceptance and the weird feeling of navigating a relationship that It’s still a new thing, but it’s also nice enough. Especially when he sends you a silly text and jokes about something, later on commenting the same thing on one of your instagram posts. It makes you feel giddy, that you have a shared secret.

Even more when he gives you a small knowing smile across the table while your father is non stop talking about the new model the company is about to release.

It’s a small dinner to celebrate Jaehyun’s birthday, or at least as small it can be in a restaurant like this, where the waiter will look you up and down if you are not wearing your prettiest silk dress and stiletto heels.

The whole thing had been rescheduled twice, because of busy schedules and whatnot, and now that both your parents had been able to fly here, you all sit underneath lowlights and drink expensive wine that is accompanied by a conversation that is so boring that you have trouble keeping up with it.

He finds you on the rooftop, hair blowing a little as he walks to you and in the back of your mind you think it’s a crime that he looks this good in a suit. That’s probably all the wine you had talking.

“Sorry I left you alone there.” You mutter with a sympathetic smile thrown his way when he reaches you, but you both know you are not sorry at all for escaping the stupid conversation your parents were having.

He chuckles. “You leaving was just a reason for me to escape too.”

The two of you turn to look at the city, the illuminated buildings looking minuscule from here but the tiny lights from each of them make for a breathtaking view. Jaehyun stands so close to you that your arms touch. You don’t mind.

“Looking at the city like that makes me feel really small.” You whisper, without really thinking.

“That’s because we are.” You hear his voice clearly, warm like honey and you don’t try to help the smile that forms in your lips.

“How do you do it?” The question makes him look at you, raising one eyebrow. “I mean, you always sound like you got it all figured out. While I just say the most random stuff because I don’t know who I am.”

You know you are the heritage left to you, the face of your father's company, a good student, smart. One of the few socialites that have never stepped a foot out of line, according to the magazines. But take all that and what’s left?

“I don't.” He says simply, “I’m just good at pretending, like you are.”

That makes you laugh. “Good to know we are both good at playing our roles.” You say, as a joke, because you are sure the two of you are beyond the acting now.

And It’s always funny to you how the masks the both of you put on fall completely when you are alone. That’s what it means to be friends, you had realized, and that’s what you decide to call your relationship for now. Friends, from a long time, that happened to be tied together for other reasons.

And Jaehyun is a friend that sometimes makes you feel like you deserve the love you crave.

“Hey. You are ____.” He says after a second, for good measure. “That's enough, you don't have to be anything else.”

“Is it enough for you?” You ask without really thinking.

He smiles, dimples showing and your heart grows warmer. “Yeah, and we can figure it out together. Who we are and all that.”

You share a smile, both staring forward at the view and shivering a little from the night wind.

“I’m sorry for getting you into these deep conversations.”

He laughs deeply at that, with his whole body. “It’s good, don’t worry. I want you to trust me, even if you won't let me get to know you.” And you do, you want to desperately trust him and let him in. ”Because you are scared I can't handle your daddy issues or something.”

A scoff mixed with laughter leaves your lips. It’s been a long time since you were able to joke about this with someone. “It’s mommy issues, please get it right.”

He turns to you with a silly smile on his lips. “Is it because she made you take those piano classes?” He jokes and you laugh before tilting your head.

“Wait, how did you know I played the piano?” That was ages ago, finally a hobby that you enjoyed amongst the numerous other classes your mother had enrolled you in. You played it for a long time before you stopped completely for whatever reason.

“You told me, when we had to introduce ourselves and talk about things we liked in german class.” He explains. “You said you liked it, even though your mother forced you to go.”

You turn to him now as it strikes you that Jung Jaehyun remembered you from his childhood the same way you remembered him. Not the same things, but still memories. The thought is so comforting that you can’t hold the way your cheeks move up in a smile.

“What about you?” You question. “What things did you say you liked?”

“Hmm, I don't really remember.” Is what he says with a shrug.

You two share a look, perhaps meaningful but maybe that's the wine making you feel on cloud 9 under his gaze.  “What do you like now?”

He chuckles as if your interest is amusing. “I like… music, getting coffee with friends. That kind of thing.”

“Not cars?” You joke, making him laugh. You decide then that you like making him do it.

“I mean, a little.” He replies playfully, and it’s very easy to be comfortable like this.

It’s good to know after all this time Jaehyun was like you, even if you felt alone in the world sometimes. That’s what a soulmate must be after all, not the missing piece to make you whole but someone that makes you realize exactly that you don't have to be.

“We should get coffee together sometime.” You offer after some time, a gentle smile being shared between you two in laziness, at the thought of soon having to return to the restaurant and popping out of the bubble you have started creating for yourself.

“We should.” He says, and the bubble stays afloat a little longer.

⋄

JULY 2019

It’s another charity Gala, with sparkly lights, champagne, fake smiles and a dress too tight. Everything is the way it always had been, except for you.

And Jaehyun, whose hand stays on your waist as he guides you through a slow song. He had wanted to dance, said he always thought it was nice when lovers did it in movies.

Lovers. The mere use of the word had made your heart somersault in your chest, but you kept it down. Instead, you move with him with soft smiles adorning both of your faces.

Your hand finds his cheeks. Nothing could describe the look you give him in the light but pure admiration. And you don’t care if anyone sees it,  you don’t care if it ends up in a magazine spread. Because even if everybody knew about it, this is yours.

The way he brings his hand on top of yours, and how his eyes match the exact look on yours. Every little detail about it makes you know that this right here belongs to the two of you and nothing can change it.

“Jaehyun?” Your voice is low, almost inaudible underneath the music and conversation echoing through the ballroom. “I don't want to be here anymore.”

His eyebrows raise at your confession, steps faltering for a second as he loses the rhythm “What? We can leave right now if you want.” He offers. “I came with my own car, so we can-“

Your soft laughter interrupts his words. “No, I don't mean right now.” You explain, swallowing around your next words. “I meant.. I don't want to keep playing a role, I want to go somewhere with you where no one knows us.”

A smile grows on his lips, one that tells you that he understands exactly what you mean. And you don’t have to guess anymore, there are no more maybes. You know.

“Okay, we can do that.”

He pulls you closer, dance now long forgotten as you just move in complete muscle memory.

“I want to find out.” You confess in a whisper. A secret between the two of you that no one else would ever know.  “I want to go somewhere with you and find out.”

You wonder if he already found the answer to it, to what love is. But you also don't need to know right now, because you will know when you have to. Either way you want to find out  and it's not for you to guess.

He smiles genuinely at you, with his dimples showing, like he always smiles at you.

You smile back, heart aching from something that can only be only be explained by years of shared stories, and in your mind, deeper connections that go beyond what everything and everyone inside this ballroom would understand.

You smile back, in the exact way you have always smiled at him.

⋄

APRIL 2020

A ray of sun peeks from the half closed curtains and set right above your eyes, getting you to wake up lazily and slowly. It takes you a while to come to it, the sheets on the bed just now starting to feel truly familiar with the warmth left on the bed, from someone that had probably gotten up just a little before from you.

You blink once and twice before your eyes are completely open, vision still unfocused but it slowly comes back as you stare at the bedside table. A lip balm is the first thing you see, then your phone and lastly a picture framed of you and Jaehyun hugging in front of the sunflower field at the Van Gogh museum. He’s laughing, at something said by the kind fellow tourist that had offered to take your picture, and you have the beginning of a smile on your own lips. One that you mimic perfectly now as you remember that day.

Your thoughts are suddenly interrupted by the door opening and Jaehyun walks in the bedroom, holding a bowl. His eyes are still drowsy and his hair a mess but you  think he looks right at home. Because he is.

“Morning, baby.” His voice is low and raspy, but enough to make you melt even more on the sheets.

“Good morning.” The smile settles fully on your lips now.

He sits on the bed next to you then, almost drowning inside his large t-shirt and hair plopping cutely when he tries moving even closer to place the bowl with sliced fruits on your lap. “We gotta add apples to the shopping list.” Is all he says and you nod while picking a slice of melon and chewing it leisurely as you bask on the hazy feeling of still being half asleep

Jaehyun stays by your side, head weirdly pressed to your chest, and asking silently for you to feed him apple slices every now and then with just his mouth opening.

Your mind wanders as you eat and then you’re having one of those moments where realization dawns on you finally. A silly small thing that makes you smile and your chest grow warm. “Jaehyun?” You call out softly, fighting back the bubble of happiness that forms on your chest because old habits are hard to die.

“Hmm?” He looks up at you, eyes blinking at you in the same way he always does, but this time it makes you want to cry a little bit.

You lean down, press a quick peck to his lips that make you both smile and then the words are out of your mouth.

“This is what love is.”

#here she is! #cant wait to hear what you guys think about it #works #commission #neowritingsnet #nct smut #nct scenarios #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun smut #jaehyun scenario

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Spike

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

(There are so many options for meeting Spike that it was genuinely hard to choose which one I wanted to write for this. I could do probably do a whole post about various meeting scenarios)

- Spike knew about you far before the two of you met. He’d been watching, or more accurately stalking you, ever since he saw you with the Blonde slayer. 

- Initially, it’s to use you as a weapon; to taunt the slayer with the threat of hurting her weak little mortal friend. It makes his fun little game of getting under her skin so much easier. All he has to do is show up near you, linger just out of your view or look as though he’s about to approach you and her face crumbles into a look of both severe warning and fear. 

- But he never does confront you, not until you’re forced to find out that Buffy is a slayer and that vampires are real and that your life is very much so in danger if you don’t start taking some precautions. 

- So you stopped walking at night, or going anywhere at night, even with friends. Stopped hanging out in shady places, always carried holy water or a cross, etc. You were doing well, you were being safe, until one night when you went out with some friends; after a few quiet and safe months for everyone, and without thinking, you did so with no “weapon”. 

- At first, you had a surge of fear course through you upon finding that you forgot your safety precautions at home, but as the night dragged on and nothing happened, you were able to calm down. You had fun, your life was back to normal at least for a little while, and soon enough your friends were dropping you off back at home. 

- You waved to them as they drove off, brushing away your hair as the wind blew it in your face. You turned to head inside your house, only getting a few steps forward before a hand gripped your shoulder and pulled you backwards. 

- If there was ever a time to die of fright, now would be it. Of course, standing before you was the bleach blonde bat himself. 

- He was far more handsome than you ever expected from Buffy’s warnings but that was besides the point. He flashed a grin at you, moving forwards as you clumsily walked backwards to get away from him. 

“Hasn’t anybody ever warned you about being out alone at night, pet?” 

- You couldn’t have answered if you tried though it turned out you didn’t have to. The sound of a car approaching broke the silence and in an instant Buffy was jumping out of the passenger side seat and running towards the two of you. 

- Spike merely held his hands up in a mocking gesture of surrender as the blond threatened him, his eyes locking darkly on you for a lingering moment before he stalked off. Buffy guided you to your door and made you promise to be careful, handing you the jacket you’d forgotten at the party. 

- That was the last time you saw him for a long time though you’d heard of his temporary alliance with Buffy when trying to stop Angelus and Acathla from sucking the world into hell. Buffy assured you that he’d left town with Drusilla and wasn’t coming back, putting your mind at ease. Well, at ease until he did come back. 

- Heartbroken, depressed, and alone Spike returned to Sunnydale, and who did he visit? Well, who else but you! 

- You were sitting on your back porch when he arrived, completely alone with everyone in your house out for the night. Turns out that fight or flight wasn’t the only response one could have when encountering something dangerous; there was also freeze. 

“Spike,” you could barely get the name out, eyes wide, heart racing nervously. “What are you doing here?”

- He gazed at you for a long moment, his jaw set moodily and his eyes contemplating and stormy. And then, as though it were normal, he took a seat beside you on your porch and began to speak. 

- He started from the beginning, talking about helping Buffy, leaving town with a girl, their relationship. And then he began to speak about their fight and subsequent breakup, and in pure shock you realized that the man had started to cry. 

- Now unbeknownst to you and as I said before, Spike had watched you for a long time. He’d seen the way you were with your friends and how kind you were and him, desperate for someone to talk to, had decided that he would unleash his tale of misery upon you. 

- Okay, so you’d comforted your friends during breakups before but comforting a depressed vampire after a breakup; one that only months prior was undoubtedly going to kill you, was not something you were prepared for. 

- Tentatively, you reached out and placed your hand on his shoulder, stilling there for a moment, trying to think of what you should do. Before you could speak, he’d leaned down and pressed his face against your shoulder, branching off into more of his story. 

- You took his cold hand into your free one and began to speak, hesitantly offering comforting words and explanations, reasoning with him that maybe this girl wasn’t meant for him as much as it would hurt for him to admit it. 

- After a few minutes of this, he raised his head from your shoulder, sniffling and wiping his face before setting his gaze forward and awkwardly excusing himself. You; still bemused by the entire encounter, said goodbye and without thinking told him that you’d “be here”. 

- He froze for a moment before nodding and slinking off into the darkness. You merely took a deep breath and went back inside your house, wondering what the hell your life had become. 

- As time would tell, your caring nature would prove to be a driving force in the creation of a friendship between you and the vamp. You showed him (1) one ounce of kindness and he latched onto it, feeding from it like the vampire he is. 

- He’d taken your advice to heart, kept himself from Drusilla and settled into his cozy crypt in Sunnydale, though that wasn’t the only place he resided. Spike had also taken to loitering around you and your house. 

- No one has ever really been nice to Spike which is awful to think about but true nonetheless. It hadn’t really bothered him before since he’d never had anything to compare his treatment to, but now that you’d shown him genuine care and kindness, well, he wanted more. 

- So yes, he loiters, he visits, he acts as though his sudden trailing of you is not odd in the slightest. You don’t have the heart to turn him away, not after that emotional display of his, so you just accept it although wearily at first. 

- After a while, you begin to trust him. If this was all a ploy then hell, his dedication was enough to warrant his right to kill you. But it wasn’t a ploy, as much as Buffy believed it was when she found out, scolding you for being stupid and demanding that Spike stay the hell away from you. He didn't. 

- He makes every excuse in the book to come and see you, showing up uninvited yet unsurprisingly nearly every night and sometimes day. It doesn’t even really matter what you’re doing at the time, he has no problem just sitting and watching, helping, or doing something on his own. 

- It takes some time to realize why he’s so drawn to you and when he does, he doesn’t know what to do because it’s finally so obvious to him. And it scares him.

- Above all, he fears rejection because the more time he spends with you, the more he realizes that you not returning his affections is going to tear him apart. So he puts off telling you though not for long, he can only keep himself from confessing for so long before he finally can’t take it anymore.

- He calls you from a payphone one night and asks if you can come see him, “just for a little while” though you know it won’t be, knowing him. You glance at the clock and though it’s late and you should probably be going to bed, you agree.

- Soon enough, you’re walking into his humble abode and questioning him as to what he wanted you over for, missing the way his eyes locked adoringly onto you as you shrugged your jacket off. He remains quiet for a minute until you call his name curiously.

- Finally, he confesses everything. How you’re the only one who’s ever really been nice to him. How he thinks you’re beautiful. How he loves your personality. And finally, how he loves you. You’re shocked to say the least but you don’t have time to be shocked, he’s looking at you expectantly; vulnerably, waiting for an answer and hopefully one that won’t shatter whats left of his heart.

“I-I don’t know what to say.” You stutter out, swallowing the lump of emotion that’s made it’s home in your throat.

“Just say that you love me back.” He whispers.

- He’s pleading with you now and the mere thought of how truly in love with you he must be to discard his usual sarcasm and defensiveness and genuinely beg you to not reject him pushes you to respond.

“I love you too.” You can see the weight lift from his shoulders as he moves closer to you.

“Say it again...please.” He asks quietly and your heart races.

“I love you.” You reply as he reaches you, mere inches away from your own body. He pulls you into him, his arms wrapping around you tightly, pinning you to him.

“One more time. ...Just please, one more time.” He whispers into the crook of your neck.

“I love you. I love you. I love-”

- Your words are cut off by a desperate kiss. Months of yearning and longing piled up into one amazing, beautiful kiss.

- You always thought that a kiss making you weak in the knees was something reserved only for movies but it was then that you found out that wasn’t the case. By the time you were forced to pull away because of a little thing called the need to breathe, he was the only thing holding you up.

“I love you.” You told him earnestly, gazing into his eyes, your hand smoothing the back of his hair. He silently tilted his face up, pressing his lips to your forehead before pressing it against his own.

“Stay with me?” He asked and you recognized that it meant two things all at once.

- He keeps himself glued to you at all times. You’re that insufferable couple who can never keep their hands; or lips, off of each other, he can’t at least.  

- He likes playing with your hair. Doesn’t matter what’s going on, whether you’re perfectly happy, horny or arguing; his hand gravitates to your hair without thinking.

- Painting his nails.

- Passionate, slightly rough kisses. He ravages your mouth whenever he can.

- Making out, like, a lot. Doesn’t matter what mood either of you are in, all he wants to do is shut out the world and focus on your lips and the way he can get you to make those quiet little moans.

- Sitting on his lap. Be careful though, he gets particularly handsy and needy whenever you do. 

- He’s pretty much horny all the time and when he isn’t right off the bat, he’s very easy to turn on.

- Teasing him with your neck; it drives him crazy. If you let him feed off of you, I assure you, it will be the most erotic thing you’ve ever been through.

- He compliments you a lot, especially when you get all dressed up, but he’ll also sometimes just bite his lip at you, looking you up and down and making you seriously contemplate not going out like you were planning. 

- He calls you sooo many pet names. Things like: baby, darling, love, sweetheart, pet. Not to mention the one’s he’s made into pet names with how much he calls you it. 

- Calling him William; it always seems to do something to him whenever you do. He can’t really describe what he’s feeling but he isn’t going to tell you to stop.

- Getting “bloody awful” poetry written about you. You don’t even care if it’s bad, you find it adorable and romantic either way, though you’ll probably only get to read it if you go snooping.

- Chivalry is ingrained deep within him and it always comes out when he’s with you. He opens doors, pulls out your chair, etc, without even thinking about it.

- Getting to wear the jacket™. He’ll give you hell for not bringing your own coat but will do so while draping his own over you and pulling you close.

- Singing along to the radio with him. He likes classic rock so that’s usually what’s playing.

- Soft, lingering touches. 

- He acts as though he’s touch starved even though he’s obviously had affection people before; namely Drusilla. He gets all weak when you put your hands on him or show him affection. Either that or he just gets all riled up.

- As much as he loves your kindness, he does like when you’re aggressive and mean to him. There’s just something about an angry woman that drives him wild.

- He has a bad habit of talking when he shouldn’t and/or being aggressively; and unhelpfully, sarcastic. Get used to telling him to or making him shut up, your choice.

- Innuendoes, sarcasm and delightful quips.

- Late night visits. If you can, I’d suggest adopting a nocturnal sleeping pattern. 

- But don’t worry, or, well, maybe you should, because he’ll also visit you during the day, wrapped in a blanket and quite literally smoking. He’ll greet you as though it’s completely normal, defensively asking if it’s a crime to want to see “his girl” when you incredulously ask him what he’s doing. 

- Does he accidentally stay at your place until after the sunrises so that he’s “forced” to stay with you the entire day? Maybe....

- He’s clingy and possessive in an endearing, slightly annoying way. He only does it or acts like it because he loves you so much so you can’t really be too bothered by it.

- He likes to think of himself as a big bad vampire but deep down he’s a sentimental, emotional softie who’s desperate for love.

- Comforting him. He deserves to have someone be there for him and believe in him and you’re that person. You’re the only one who really gets to see that broken side of him and you should be honored by that privilege.

- He’s not very experienced in comforting people but he has this inexplicable urge to do so whenever he see’s that you’re upset. Even if he’s furious with you, the moment he see’s tears, it’s like the anger drains out of him and leaves him with a heart that’s aching at the sight of you so hurt.

- He insists on looking after you when you’ve fallen ill or gotten hurt. He trusts no one else to do it, not letting them near you unless he’s sure that they can help in a way he can’t. You’re practically held prisoner until you’re well again, though he makes your imprisonment quite enjoyable.

- He holds you while you sleep, watching over you, memorizing every detail of your face. Usually, you’re either cradled against him, your face resting against his arm and your arms wrapped around his waist, or he’s spooning you from behind and pressing kisses to whatever bare skin he can reach.

- He makes these confessions that have your heart racing and tears wanting to come to your eyes because of how beautifully romantic and touching they are. They can be about anything having to do with you: your beauty, your personality, the things you do, or just how he feels about you in general.

- He’s genuinely scared of how hard he’s fallen in love with you. He’s never really been close to anyone; not like he is with you at least, so it frightens him to see how much of an affect you have on him.

- It may sound odd but he loves your scent. It’s practically a drug to him. He huffs you and your belongings: your neck, your hair, perfume, clothing.

- He steals your clothes and photos. He’s practically got a shrine to you in his crypt, nestled deep in one of his drawers where he hopes you’ll never find it since he doesn’t want to explain what its doing there. 

- He kinda, sorta, moves into your house after you start dating. I mean, he’s there so much that he’s practically living with you. He definitely stole one of your drawers over time, sneaking his stuff into it right under your nose until you finally realize that you have an entire drawer full of just his clothes.

- You aren’t really sure how he did it, but he made your mother really like him, like even before the two of you started dating. And rest assured, if you got a boyfriend between becoming friends and dating him, Spike most definitely turned your mother against them. Either that or she just liked him so much more and tried to persuade you to date the vamp instead, which he’d be very smug about.

- Buffy isn’t fond of your relationship but she plays nice, except for when she gave him the “I’ll stake you if you hurt her” speech.

- Defending him. He gets so happy and smug whenever you do, a Cheshire grin spreading across his mouth as he stands behind you.

- He wants to be better, for you above all else, and with you by his side, he’s sure he can.

- He get’s incredibly jealous over you. He doesn’t even like hearing your exes name leave your mouth, god forbid someone were to flirt with or be interested in you. The police would find their body dead in a ditch somewhere or; at the very least, severely beaten. 

- He’s incredibly protective and selfless when it comes to you. He’s ready to kill and be killed if it means that you’ll be safe. Thankfully, not many of your threats are that big so he doesn’t have to put his undead life on the line.

- Taking care of him when he’s hurt. He only allows you to do it, not wanting to be that vulnerable looking under anyone else’s gaze. He has a habit of saying that he “doesn’t deserve you” once you finish doing something for him which make you feel the need to prove that he does.

- You get into little meaningless arguments and bicker a lot but you don’t have very many serious fights. But if you did have a serious fight, he’d raise his voice, maybe insult you a little; nothing too severe just rude, and one of you would wind up storming off.

- He’d pretend as though he didn’t care but he’d be really torn up, going to your friends to rant about what happened and moping about their homes, not caring if they want him gone or not. They’ll probably wind up calling you to come get him, or he’ll go off in search of you on his own, apologizing for everything and asking if you can forgive him.

- Lots and lots of “I love yous”. They range from being incredibly sincere to horny to lighthearted; sometimes in the same conversation!

- He plans on spending the rest of his undead life with you. He’s already got a ring and a plan to sire you when you’re ready, just say the words and he’ll be yours forever.

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