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#but the country you went to shattered my trust my heart my whole being
myheartxmyman · 1 month
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The You I knew seems to be gone.. Last year I tried to find the old you, I couldn't reach you anymore. Wasn't able to feel our bond the way it had been and I got more and more desperate.
Those last week's I am not desperate, I am truly unhappy, sad, feeling alone while being in 'a partnership', I am deeply hurt, and at the same time trying to get over those feelings I feel. Sometimes being with you is just too much, because I want nothing more than spending time with you, but I am not feeling it. It hurts. Sometimes being in your presence makes me feel so so lonely. Sometimes I have to be alone, because it feels like I am still fighting to keep my sanity after you did what you did. You ripped my heart completely open and gave not one shit. I am still suffering that much and I don't know how to make it stop.
Meanwhile I KNOW, you behaved in a horrible and cruel way towards me. Not just once but again and again and again. It seems like you don't even are aware of that. But that's one of the things I am trying to tell you. You don't seem to spend a lot of time even thinking about us, me, my feelings and so on. I feel like you're not reflecting yourself, it's more like you are running from something; and I think somehow it's you. I wish you would for once try to understand my feelings, put yourself in my shoes, see why your actions made me behave in certain ways. You broke my trust not just once or twice, how am I supposed to open up to you again? I won't talk to you if my trust level is that low. That's how it is. And at the same time this situation is hurting me over and over again. Because what we shared was something special, and now we're so close to losing each other. Somehow it feels like I am waiting and waiting for nothing, because we don't seem to be on your mind anymore. You want to talk to me, you're blaming me.. Why don't you listen to my words? When did you get blind? I am hurting, I am unhappy, I don't want to leave, but I fear 'this' is not going anywhere. We are standing still.
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yennaaworld · 1 year
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ATTOYE HC
smutty + children + conflicted feelings 
This Idea pop up in my head during a test and I have to share it with you.
Okoye had decided to get her tubes tide after the betrayal of wasabi because she didn’t think she will love again let alone trust someone enough to have a family with
When Okoye starting seeing attuma, building a family with him was not something she was on board with immediately because she entered this relationship with caution. Slow and steady was her idea
On the contrary, Attuma wanted to wed and have a LARGE family after properly meeting  Okoye. He knows what he wants.
After months of being together , the conversation of kids was brought up when attuma made a comment to Okoye that he wants a big family after they went to visit his family
This brought Okoye a sense of dread and sadness because she loves him but she can’t fully commit to that idea. Okoye views herself in a negative light and undeserving.
One day she breaks down and tells attuma of her feelings and her tied tubes.
attuma felt his heart shattered because he made her feel this way and he hated the idea he made his sun cry. While the idea of a family is what he wants he will not force her and will love her regardless or not she will bear his children. 
More time passes and Okoye get to shower in his love.
She hates to admit it but when she saw attuma playing with the local children she wondered how their children would look Like.
Their wedding was the MAIN event. Both countries celebrated and rejoiced.
After taking their leave to their chambers they began getting handsy. Before anything hot and heavy can happen Okoye stops making attuma baffled.
“I want a family. I had my surgery for versed” Okoye blurted out 
This left attuma speechless and this made Okoye nervous. Not a moment later attuma deeply kiss her and laughed. This brought joy to the newlyweds. Attuma promised to cherish the gift he will be given from Okoye.
Attuma was delighted that Okoye found him worthy and trusted enough to have a family with him.
That night will be the night Okoye will convive his child. Because he was on top, below, side ways of Okoye. And vise versa. From the bed too the water. Table surfaces to the ground. They showed the whole house their love.
Attuma make love ( or fucked in this case ) the way he fights. With passion and strength.
Okoye makes love with grace and firmness
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imforeverjustyours · 4 months
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🇵🇸
I feel like I have lost all ability to articulate my thoughts and emotions recently.
I have seen so much death , devastation and destruction, day after day. I’ve heard the screams. I’ve seen the tears. I’ve seen the blood. I’ve seen the terror. Over and over and over.
It’s all seared into my memory. My heart. My soul.
I’ve been in this perpetual state of shock and disbelief at what I’m witnessing for almost three months now. It’s one long never ending nightmare. Its felt surreal at times.
I have felt and I continue to feel so helpless.
It doesn’t matter how much money I donate. Or how much I boycott. Or how much I protest in every way that I personally can. Or how much I try to raise awareness to the horror of every bit of it.
It’s NOT good enough. It’s never going to be good enough.
I don’t know what to do. I continue to force myself to feel it all and to bear witness to everything I come across. It’s the only thing left that I feel I can do. If I could be there in the midst of it all , I would choose to be. I really would. The thought that they’re all alone in this …is unbearable.
I feel like I’m a good person. I also feel so unworthy and I feel deeply guilty.
Guilty that every single innocent face that I’ve seen in all this ….deserves this life. Deserves life just as much as every single other person does , if not more.
I feel MORE than I do. The guilt is constant.
I’ve seen children that are shattered, literally and figuratively, with more soul and more faith and more bravery and even more determination in the tip of their pinky…. than I have ever seen in any other person, grown or otherwise, in my whole life!
The more I look and see .. the more I feel they’re all like that. Video after video after video. I see it. I feel horror , mixed with awe ? And something that feels almost like feeling so proud of them. I don’t know what the emotion is , because I’ve never felt it before.
In the midst of their existence being wiped from this world , and no one stopping it … they have hope. Their hearts remain steadfast and pure. They continue to pray and to give praise. That is astonishing to me.
My thoughts are incredibly fragmented and jumbled in all ways.
I feel ignorant and stupid. I feel angry. I feel the deepest anguish I’ve ever felt in my life. In my soul. There are no words to describe. There probably never will be.
Since the beginning of my own journey with social media back in the early 2000’s and through the years; I never knew why some people from other parts of our world would be ugly toward me.
It started the second I said that I am American.
I was baffled. I didn’t understand how anyone could dislike me. Dislike us. Dislike my country. What had I done ? It was so odd to me.
It was also only a fleeting curiosity for me.
I dismissed it and went on about my life. I chalked it up to somebody was having a bad day.
Little did I know.
I was quite confident that we were the ones that helped everyone. I really truly believed that. That is what I’ve been spoon fed, all my life.
I now see that I was fed a pack of bitter lies, all my life.
In every single way imaginable. Every minute of the day. Year after year after year.
I am now having my eyes forced open.
Never in my life have I been so disgusted. So shocked. Never have I felt so betrayed. Never have I ever felt this deep rage that’s in my heart.
Never have I questioned everything about my life and my very existence.
Which I do now. Every single day.
I will never again trust this place that I am from. Least of all the people in power… those who are supposed to represent the masses.
Because, they do NOT. They represent themselves, individually.
Not us, as a nation. Not us, as a people. They don’t give two flying effs what the people want. They do not care.
Our population did NOT know.
On behalf of millions of us … we cry and we scream and we grieve with you. We SEE you. Now. Finally.
Everytime I wake up. Everytime I lay down to go to sleep. Every time I eat. Everytime I drink water. Everytime I’m warm and comfortable. Every time I bathe. In every single moment now, my thoughts immediately go to all that I’m witnessing. My heart goes out to every single soul there. I feel so many things and all the pangs of heartache and guilt and rage in the mix of it all.
I cry every single day. Tears of grief. Of anger. Of frustration. Of shame.
I feel like it’s all I do.
I don’t allow myself to avoid any of it. I seek it out. I save everything. I record everything. I screenshot everything.
I feel like I’m desperately trying to capture as much as I can.
If I blink, I’m going to miss something crucial. I just know it. So I keep at it. So that no one can forget. Ever. So that no one can try to twist the truth to me ever again. I now have a very real and justified fear of being lied to by our leaders. It’s all consuming.
I cannot celebrate Christmas. I don’t want anything to do with it. I can’t do it right now. I don’t know if I can again. It feels wrong to me on so many levels. Christmas is giving me anxiety. I just want it over with.
I’m scared that Christmas will somehow be used to mask more atrocities. While everyone’s distracted …pure evil will do even more to twist the knife that’s been used to stab. Just a bit deeper and harder. For no other purpose than to add more pain to those that are suffering.
I can’t articulate the sheer hatred, loathing, horror and grief and all that I feel toward the absolute non stop injustice that continues on. It’s indescribable.
I trust nothing anymore.
I feel like this is it. I will never again be who I was before. I am forever altered.
I have not gone numb. That’s the one thing I can control. I can make myself feel every bit of it. I can bear witness. Over and over. Forever.
Before anyone decides to come at me. It’s my heart. No one gets to tell me what I feel or how I feel or why I feel it. I don’t care what anyone thinks. This is ME. This is how things look to myself. I just needed to get it out into the universe because it’s eating me alive. I pray with everything I am , that this stops. I pray for mercy for them all. Please.
My whole heart will forever ache for the rest of my life.
I am so sorry that it took this, to open my eyes to the truth.
I promise to never close them again.
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miodiodavinci · 8 months
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omg i get so excited hearing about dnd!!!! how many campaigns have you been in if u mind answering?
i don't mind at all ! ! ! ! i enjoy talking about dnd ! ! ! ! our group got together in 2020 has run a total of (counts on fingers) 6 campaigns and 5 one shots, with our average campaign length being around 20 to 30 sessions. each person's taken a shot at DM'ing thus far, but the forever DM and i have both run about four of those each w
also, outside of one or two one shots, it's all been exclusively homebrew ! ! ! which is fun because we've all gotten to create our own regions and design overarching lore that connects each campaign to the other ! ! ! (surprisingly, hannus barbarous is usually the connecting factor. we did not plan this but that's just how it is now KJSFLKJH)
and because i love talking about dnd so much i'm taking this opportunity to dump a whole lot of summary of each campaign/one shot in chronological order under the cut w
ON A SCALE of ONE to TWENTY .. campaign
After being shut off from the world for over a hundred years, the region of Celosia finally opens its doors, sending out an open letter to all would-be adventurers asking for help. Our party just so happened to be the fools who decided to answer (and who got lucky enough to not get eaten by wolves on the way there), and have been tasked with taking down the shadowy Emerald Division that has seemingly come to power. They'll get to it as soon as they visit the dump (it's on the way).
Our DM's first homebrew campaign and the result of all of us being stuck inside and realizing we finally had time to play together w. This was the origin of both Hannus Barbarous as a running gag (along the lines of "this is JUST like Thomas and Jeremiah") and the name Scott as a throwaway bit, and also the origin of "The Coolest Emerald Division" title w
Characters
Roachcock the Tiefling Barbarian (played by me) .. bastard at heart, just wants to split heads, get coin, and buy a boat
Babey Möd the Halfling-Tabaxi Cleric (played by @anonprotagging) .. here to eat gravy and spread the good word of Lyra
The Storm the Water Genasi Barbarian .. he's super famous dude just trust me i heard he once fought like thirty turkeys
In'hala the Tiefling Paladin of Pan .. looking for her lost moms and also stealing this guy's boots hahaaa sick
Opus Whitfield the Human Wild Magic Sorcerer .. trying to use this opportunity to set up a new storefront for his family's gem cutting business, is actually using this opportunity to get bullied
note: i don't know if the other players use tumblr so for now they'll just be identified as "Xs player" from here on out w
GRANNY'S COUNTRY APPLE PIE .. one shot
An aging wizard wishes to taste the sweet delight of Granny's Country Apple Pie™ one last time (despite the bakery closing decades ago) and thus tasks our heroes with scoping out the place and seeing if they can find a recipe. Somewhere along the way, things got weird and it turns out Granny was just an immortal 65 year old who was taking a vacation in the outer planes with her wife but she's back now :)
Pre-built one shot that very quickly went off the rails, as to be expected for my very first go at being a DM after being a player for less than 4 months. The first appearance of Hannus as an actual character and not just a running bit.
Characters
Hannus Barbarous the Half-Orc playwright and Bard (played by @anonprotagging) .. he's taking a break from his prestigious play writing career to see the sights and reconnect with the little piece of him that was shattered when his troupe broke apart (but not too much of a break not to sign every autograph he can eyyy)
Sir the Eternal Flame (and sorcerer i guess) (played by Opus's player) .. still frustrated at being locked in human form, this giant immortal moth is off doing busy work until his curse wears off (which apparently includes bakery heists???)
Tehn the Sun Elf Ranger (played by the Celosia campaign DM) .. with their giant bumblebee Spoobin and frankly obscene lack of dietary standards at their side, there's no meal that they can't tackle
THE OSSIFIED GARDENS .. mini campaign
Taking shelter from the rain in an unearthly structure, the gang is snatched away from the physical realm and into a crab bucket-like hotel for the fae. With their most prized possessions taken from them as an entry fee, the gang has to endure arduous tasks to receive the stamps of each of the five Managers in order to receive audience with the minor god who runs the establishment. Whether or not she'll be willing to give their possessions back, however...
My first solo campaign as a DM!! Heavily inspired by Spirited Away and mostly an excuse to put old game dev content to use (including a literal circus of NPCs), but ended up serving as an important event in the Hannus Barbarous lore.
Characters
Hannus Barbarous the Half-Orc playwright and Bard (played by @anonprotagging) .. on the road with Tehn to visit a trinket faire in the next town over, about to experience beginning of a long and scalding beef with a petty minor god
Tehn the Sun Elf Ranger (played by the Celosia campaign DM) .. Hannus and Tehn are best friends now—they're having soft tacos later! :)
Piers the Minotaur Cleric (played by Opus's player) .. he's just along for the ride—maybe there will be cool books! :oooo
Tess the Halfling Rogue (played by In'hala's player) .. laying low until the folks in charge of her latest warrant lose track of her (and by laying low i mean just stealing at waist height instead of top shelves)
ROLL to PHOTOBOMB .. campaign
A seemingly normal winter festival goes astray when our heroes poor fools accidentally soul-bond to an extraplanar device meant to be a birthday present for the renowned sculptor hosting the ball (spoilers: it's a camera). They have four months to take it north to Cobalt City, get the re-calibration redone, and get it back in time for her wife to give it to her for their anniversary. The only problem is, the mountain pass is closed and the only other way there is a several hundred mile road trip by wagon...
Time to take some photos in front of some kitschy roadside attractions, I guess.
Opus's player's first time DM'ing for our group (though they'd DM'd before, and frankly—their experience shows). This campaign was home to some of our most beloved NPCs like Cassidy the subterranean super organism, Barry the extraplanar knife slime, and Sir the Eternal Flame Moth (he got that curse figured out finally!)
Characters
Fafnir of the Boreal North, the human knight Mimic Berserker (played by me) .. they just wanted to leave their dungeon to find a better, damper place to sit and eat and somehow accidentally took part in the funniest case of mistaken identity this side of Alcione
Ranger Rain Rainer the human Ranger (and literal park ranger, played by @anonprotagging) .. originally here to supervise the environmental impacts of the ball on the local landscape, now soul-bound to an extraplanar camera and havin' a good ol' time hangin' with the boys :) y'want some soy sauce with that? i bought a gallon back in brass junction
Kit the Elven Ranger (played by Tehn's player) .. legitimately so traumatized he wraps back around to being the most normal person in this group—just don't mention Celestine Grove
Babu the Hobgoblin Artificer (played by the Storm's player) .. having been separated from his parents and raised by Kobolds, Babu, his steel defender Babu, and his clockwork creation Little Babu are on a long journey to reunite with them in Grand Arbor .. please do not look at him he's sensitive
THE GREAT COCKATRICE RACE .. one shot
It's that time of year—the Great Cockatrice Race is upon us!! But just as our party is soaking in the sights and staking out the perfect spot to watch, they witness a young tiefling have his cockatrice's racing gear shredded by a local gang. Desperate to win so he can help pay to treat his father's worsening eyesight (they're cartographers by trade), he asks the party for help, and they quickly oblige.
Another one shot run by me, based loosely on a one-page campaign document. Not much to say about this one beyond the fact that everyone was ready to kill for Noodles the bantam cockatrice.
Characters
Actias Saturnid the Aasimar Paladin (played by @anonprotagging) .. on a quest to popularize his deity's chosen form of entertainment—tinker vision (TV for short)
Squish the Changeling Bard (played by Tehn's player) .. here to have fun and maybe also look for his friend that went missing have you seen her please tell me i miss her ;_____;
Kai the ??? Swashbuckling Rogue (played by Opus's player) .. it's a big festival, and that means plenty of eyes and plenty of cash! not a half bad time to try negotiating some new patrons for her artist friends
TROUBLE at PORT MANDRET .. one shot
What was originally supposed to be the 58th annual showcase of Umbergate University's horticultural collection is turned sour as an incensed former professor unleashes a powerful awakening spell on the entire town. With only a few hours before the plants release spores that will spread the spell to the entire world, our party has to act fast and cooperate with a local mycologist who seems to know just the fix to this predicament.
Another one shot from me, this time entirely homebrewed! This is also the origin of Scott as a character and not just a throwaway bit, and very much the source of his dynamic with Hannie. They found him tangled up in a bunch of kudzu in a coffee shop and he sent them on a long fetch quest to help him make a cup of coffee using stolen coffee beans.
Characters
Hannus Barbarous the Half-Orc playwright and bard (you know his player by now w) .. you know, he was just trying to lay low after the whole "committing arson" thing, but now he has a gay little mushroom twink to look after and that's (????)
Tehn the Sun Elf Ranger (played by you know who w).. also laying low after helping Hannus commit arson, but mostly here to eat a bunch of plants when no one's looking
Hank the Aarakocra Barbarian (played by Opus's player) .. he's a goose who only says "HANK" and i love that so much about him
Quinn the literal, unawakened, plain old animal tiger and Rogue (played by the Storm's player) .. the reason Hannus and Tehn committed arson after discovering she was being kept in squalid conditions by a wealthy family .. i cannot stress enough that she is a literal, un-enchanted tiger
THE ENIGMA of DAHL CREEK .. campaign
Their boat having sank in a storm, the party washes up on a seemingly once populous island now drowning under webs of unidentifiable blue-green vines and the eerily human-like shapes it creates. Working to unravel the mystery of how the entire town disappeared one August day, they find the past and present blurring together in a strange and haunting way.
The Celosia campaign DM's next big campaign, and frankly the one that haunts me most to this day. I cannot put into words how fucking good this campaign was. Legitimately gave me chills and occupies a region of my brain that cannot be vacated.
Characters
Hannus Barbarous (you know him) .. just trying to recover from the fae thing and the tiger incident and then the Port Mandret fiasco and really doesn't need this right now (but deal he will)
Biscott Cortinarius the human mycologist and Necromancer (played by me) .. putting a little distance between himself and the university due to the ""legal ramifications of interviewing university property without familial consent,"" but mostly sticking with Hannus because he's a bard and... well... bards aren't exactly beefy are they ;)
The Destitution of Mires the Lizardfolk Circle of Spores Druid (played by the Storm's Player) .. to this day i still don't know what their deal was, only that they sensed and so they came, and they left just as easily
Theo the ??? Circle of Dreams Druid (played by Opus's player) .. wanted to get out there and see the world, managed to sneak onto the one and Only boat that shipwrecked that day, now paying for it dearly
TIDECLEFT ISLES .. campaign
When the great Captain Wicke died, he arranged in his will that his treasure was to be given to the pirates of Tidecleft—so long as they could find it. Having arranged a massive, death-defying posthumous treasure hunt, several teams (including our heroes) must now compete to locate Wicke's treasure if they want to claim it all for themselves. What the late captain has in store for them, however, may call the worth of the treasure into question.
The Storm's player's first time DM'ing for our group, but not his first time DM'ing by far (read: he was Tehn's player's forever DM long before he came to our group). This was a grand old romp around a bunch of islands and sea caves that culminated in a frankly off-the-walls batshit final battle.
Characters
Acanthus of the Western Isles, the Mano (shark man) Scholar (played by me) .. a doctor and academic seeking to pay off a massive debt he incurred thanks to the Silver Lampreys and their web of loan sharks .. he doesn't care for jokes... or laughing, or puns, or metaphorical language or
Lemon the Warforged Circle of Stars Druid (played by @anonprotagging) .. realized she's accrued like twenty years in paid time off from working as a docent in an observatory, now taking her first vacation with her best friend Owen Gnome :) (he's a garden gnome she found outside and decided to keep in her pocket) (may or may not be venomous)
Bellamy the ??? ??? (played by Opus's player) .. ever grateful to the squid trawlers that took him in, he's competing in this hunt to earn enough to turn their venture into a franchise .. he is shockingly normal despite the whole "may not be from this plane" thing
Rayin the Tiefling Storm Sorcerer (played by Tehn's player) .. having received that sweet sweet "got hit by a magical explosion on campus" money and gotten magical powers out of it, Rayin is ditching academia to do COOL things like throw lightning bolts and meow at people
these character descriptors are getting long sorry
MIETTE SIMULATOR .. one shot
Somehow, our band of unfortunate souls has wandered into a town caught in a frenzy, raving for the execution of a seemingly normal tiefling man for an unspeakable crime (literally, no one will say what it was). The gang decides to get to the bottom of this, only to discover the very laws of reality are essentially optional in this neck of the woods.
Hannus's player's first time DM'ing as a dry run for his future one shot, and it was a hoot. Also the first time we got to meet Ranger Rainer's brother, Shine Rainer (who is the polar opposite of his brother thanks to all the trauma that comes with being a record keeper).
Characters
Lark the Aasimar Gunslinger (played by me) .. just trying to do as many good deeds as possible to get her dad off her back so she can get a girlfriend without him scaring her off with his whole "incomprehensible being of holy light" thing
Clare the human ??? (played by Tehn's player) .. i don't remember why she was there she just was and she was probably the most okay with everything that was going on
Hank the Aarakocra Barbarian (played by Opus's player) .. he's playing it cool after the Port Mandret thing, except this is not cool this is chaos
MOON TOWN .. one shot
It's Actias! And he needs help! For some reason, they've been disconnected from their god, and they can't figure out why! When our heroes decide to help, they end up getting snatched away to an otherworldly version of the long abandoned Sun Town and need to solve the mystery of a long cold case in order to find their way back home.
Hannus's player's main group DM'ing debut. Full of fun puzzles and good laughs (I'll never forget Actias asking us for help with a puzzle and showing us one of those shapes and holes boxes you give to kids) with plenty of throwbacks to old running gags. Felt like a nice homage to what DnD had been for us thus far.
Characters
Calamund Galbraith the Reborn Echo Fighter (played by me) .. a completely average guy who just so happened to get roped into getting "engaged" to a wraith that now endlessly pursues him .. he just really wants to go home and eat soup with his birds
Squish the Changeling Bard (played by Tehn's player) .. really worried for his good friend Actias :(
Tiel Alleywollow the Halfling Warlock (played by the Storm's player) .. a girl of few words (literally, she only speaks when casting spells) and eternally fond of her fiendish patron, an asshole imp named Dition
In'hala the Tiefling Paladin of Pan (played by the same guy as before w) .. hit her head on a ship and somehow ended up far, far south of Celosia. who knows what happened? certainly not in'hala, but EYYY SHE STILL HAS THE SICK BOOTS YEAAA
Teller Artax the Warforged Gunslinger (played by Opus's player) .. originally out to hunt down his lost creator, but got sidetracked, and then got sidetracked from that sidetrack, and then got sidetracked from that sidetrack's sidetrack, and then
THE CURIOUS CASE of ACTON RIDGE .. campaign
50 years before the events of Dahl Creek, a similar event is taking place—after a shoot out in the canyon, the town of Acton Ridge is also carpeted in strange, blue-green vines and locked in time. Our heroes must unravel the mystery of their pasts and the two intertwined fates of a pair of brilliant inventors who were seemingly on the hunt for something not of this world. Ongoing!
The Celosia DM's latest campaign and prequel to Dahl Creek. A little different vibes from the last one considering most of us apparently lived here before things went to shit, and many of us have tie-ins with the events taking place. Cool, eerie mystery fun ! ! !
Characters
Outis the Warforged Paladin (played by me) .. an archaic tour guide emissary from the Feywilds who's trapped on an endless journey towards an unseen destination .. it's sassy as hell and just the right amount of british to be infuriating
Emeril the Sea Elf chef and Fighter (played by @anonprotagging) .. retired from being a soldier and running from his past to owning a small tavern (and running from his past) .. very blunt (like his cast iron frying pan)
Spinifer the ??? Bard and travel-book writer (played by Opus's player) .. looking for the scoop on the local scene in hopes of bringing more folks over from her homeland .. common isn't her first language and she delights in learning cool new words, like "paranormal" and "clusterfuck"
Phira the Deep Gnome Monster Hunter (played by the Storm's player) .. haunted by her past and now interested in that which is haunted, this little conspiracy theorist is going to get to the bottom of this mystery if it's the last thing she does (but not actually—she'd like to live you know)
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calyxthenerd · 3 months
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Now it’s time for the love languages post I promised a few days ago and was procrastinating writing
I will not attain myself to the main five because while they do exist I think everyone has unique ways of loving and those should also be considered
Sidenote: as it progresses into the side characters it becomes less about canon examples of things they do and more about how I see them in my head
So, Luna, Luna’s giving and receiving are both in the main five, her giving being physical touch, and I don’t think I need to give examples, since a scene is probably popping in your head right about now, as for her receiving, gift giving, the whole thing with her moon charm, it’s a gift that symbolizes the love she hoped her birth parents felt for her (they did), the ring Matteo gave her and she refused to stop wearing, even while she was angry with him, and how distraught she got both times she lost it, Valiente, the song Simón gifted her, do I really need to go on?
Now, Ámbar, she is a tougher one, because how do you learn how to love when you are raised by Sharon Benson? But her giving one is actually the way Sharon taught her, a little less manipulative and awful, but she protects those she loves, that’s why she didn’t tell anyone Sharon contacted her, while also trying to dissuade her from acting against the Valentes, the reason she ran into the house during the fire, to protect everyone from harm, why she pushed them away for so long, to protect them from herself. As for receiving, food, that may sound ridiculous, but think about it, who is the guy that she fell in love with? The one that saw her enough to notice her odd tastes and acted accordingly. Who was one the first people that she let into her heart and let see her as she is? The woman that had been cooking for her for years. How did she meet the girl she now proudly calls her cousin? While she was delivering her food, it may be a stretch but I stand by this
Next is Simón, his giving language is knowledge, the way he knows everything about Luna and notices shifts in the way she’s acting before even she knows something’s wrong, the way he knows Ámbar is particular about her food, that she was taught a lot of things, but never how to love and let herself be loved, he sees that and he works with it, the way he easily fills in the gaps on Nico and Pedro’s dynamic, knowing what they need, he observes, he listens and he knows, but receiving love? That doesn’t come as easy to him, he’s a giver, and seeing the people he cares about happy is enough, he receives loves through smiles, through celebratory hugs, through cheering, that is enough for him
Moving on to Nina, she writes her love, we can see with how she goes about supporting Luna, supporting Yam, the way she shows her feelings for Gastón, she’s a poet in prose. As for receiving? Reassurance, she’s had anxiety since she can remember, so she needs to be reminded that the people around her want her around, and who better to provide that than Luna “I love everyone and I will scream it out to the world if I asked” Valente and Gastón “I went onstage to sing my love for a girl who’s name I didn’t even know” Perida?
Matteo, Matteo loves loudly, he loves through his music, through the countless love songs he dedicated to Luna, through the music he shared with his friends during his time on the roller band, that’s why he was so energetic during Aquí Estoy, he got to make music with the person he loves the most in the world. Now, with receiving it’s simple, he needs the people he loves to trust him, we’ve seen what happens to him when they don’t, he shatters
Gastón, he loves with actions, be it physical affection, saving his best friend from that conversation he doesn’t want to have, asking said best friend to give his girlfriend a flower while he’s an ocean away, running across the city to catch the girl he’s in love with before she leave the country, helping his best friend dedicate a song to the girl he’s been whining about for almost a year, you pick. With receiving, he’s very similar to Simón, just existing and letting him love you is enough, but if you want to pull an uno reverse card and do something for him every now and then, he isn’t complaining
Ramiro, he loves through sharing, be it his performances with his favorite lesbians, being part of that team with Matteo, his unique passion for skating with Luna (everyone else has their own stuff) or just skating with everyone. He receives it through spending time together, but it can be anything, he can just be looking at someone do something, watching a movie together, accompanying them to the dentist, helping clean their house, anything goes, as long as it’s together
Jim loves through helping, be it doing your work with you, walking your dog, hearing you rant after a hard day, anything. And she will adore you forever if you say something reminded you of her, or if you recognize something that she worked hard on, she feels appreciated knowing you thought about her
Yam loves similarly to Nina and Matteo, with her art, be it her designs or her music, she loves showing it to the people she loves, creating with them, creating for them, and she feels loved when they recognize her talent and the work she puts on it
Emilia loves by bothering people, it’s kind of a test, if she cares enough to test your tolerance to her bullshit, it means she loves you, and if you stick around even so, she knows you love her too
I do not have enough content nor do I care enough to do Pedro, Nico, Jazmin or Delfi so that’s all
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bucksfucks · 3 years
Text
𝙁𝘽𝙍𝙊 ; 𝗯𝘂𝗰𝗸𝘆 𝗯𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘀 [𝟳/𝟭𝟭]
summary┃bucky’s past comes back with a vengeance and you’re determined to get the answers you’ve been searching for. 
pairing┃roommate!bucky x f!reader
word count┃2,682 words
warnings┃bucky’s past is revealed, character mentions; [sam wilson, natasha romanoff, tony stark], pet name [kid (platonic), sweets & baby], threats made against bucky + reader, trust-issues, mention of hit-men, brief mention of death, phone sex, praise kink, masturbation, mention of toys, slight angst, soft ending — 18+ ONLY • MINORS DNI
notes┃there is A LOT of plot here but also some filthy goodness and a sprinkle of angst <<3
SERIES MASTERLIST
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     Ex-wife.
    Bucky’s words echoed in your ears as he didn’t dare to look at you.
    His ex-wife was threatening you.
    And he didn’t think to mention her? Ever?
    “Can I please explain?” Bucky croaked finally, voice sounding broken as you shrugged your shoulders — in a state of shock.
    That was all he needed before he recounted his previous relationship with the woman who was now sending you threatening emails.
    Married young, too young and too fast and it ended up blowing up in their faces.
    Well, clearly she hadn’t gotten over it.
    “I thought I lost her,” he explains. “I thought that moving halfway across the country would be enough.”
    You finally looked up to meet his eyes, glossy, sad and terrified as you sniffled.
    “There’s a reason only Tasha calls me James.”
    It broke your heart hearing that, the way his head hung low and he nearly winced at the sound of his own goddamn name.
    But you didn’t know who to trust anymore.
    Bucky always glossed over how he, Sam, and Nat knew each other — telling you that they were old friends that go back.
    How far back?
    You needed to know, but clearly you weren’t about to get answers from him.
    “Buck,” he stopped you, taking a step closer as his eyes begged and pleaded you not to finish your sentence. 
    “I can’t,” he shook his head, “I need some time.” 
    You couldn’t bring yourself to say those words that would shatter both of your world’s. But you had no idea what the hell you had gotten yourself into and you needed answers. 
    And you knew exactly who to go to for them. 
    “I understand,” Bucky sighed. “I’ll stay at Sam’s for some time, okay?” 
    You could only nod your head, watching him walk past you and into his door. 
    Then he shut it, something he never did because his door was always open for you. No matter what you needed and no matter what time of day it was. 
    It felt...wrong. 
    But you couldn’t dwell on it, grabbing your keys, phone, and whatever other important things you could think of being you nearly bolted out of the front     door. 
    You plugged your headphones into your phone, hitting shuffle and descending down into the subway. 
    The entire ride made you anxious, slowly approaching your stop and you were way out of place in this crowd. 
    People rushed by you in expensive suits and what you could only guess were the infamous red-soled shoes that were worth close to your monthly rent, if not more. 
    You cringed, thinking of the man you were about to see in his stupidly tall office building that you had to crane your neck at an uncomfortable angle just     to get a look at. 
    The elevator could not have taken longer, tapping your foot impatiently as you rode up to what felt like the heavens before the doors opened to revel smooth wooden doors that reach from the ceiling to the floor. 
    You were so close, before you were stopped. 
    “Ma’am, I’m sorry, you can’t be here right now.” A man’s voice stopped you, dressed in a security guard uniform and oh, this was so him. 
    “I know him,” you said, intent on seeing the man probably sitting behind those large doors. 
    “I’m sorry, I can’t let you do th—”
    “It’s okay, Marv. I know her,” his voice came not from behind the doors, but from the long hallway to your left. 
    The security guard, Marv, nodded his head as he looked at you once more before retreating back to where he was leaning against one of the walls. 
    “This is a surprise,” you rolled your eyes, “Tony, please. I don’t wanna hear it.” 
    He walked over to you, embracing you in a hug, “oh c’mon, I’ve missed you, Kid.” 
    You shook your head, “I haven’t been a kid in years,” you tried to remind him, but it was Tony, he wasn’t going to listen as he just laughed it off and welcomed you into his office. 
    It was much different from last time, all new furniture and appliances, but nothing lasted more than a year with Tony. 
    Tony was an old friend, sort of.
    He was an old friend of your father’s, something like an uncle, but also like your older brother. 
    So just one giant pain in your ass.
    “So,” Tony sighed. “What trouble did you get into this time, Kid?”
    You told Tony everything. 
    From being roommates with Bucky to the way he asked you to be his fake girlfriend to Sam’s wedding and all the way to the situation you were in now. Confronted by his ex-wife without any idea of what she was going to do. 
    Tony had that look on his face. The one where he was going to tell you that you were crazy. 
    “I don’t know how you manage to get yourself into these situations,” he chuckled, hand clamping over your shoulder as he walked around his desk and typed something into his computer. 
    “Last name is,” he looked at you. “Barnes.” 
    He nodded his head, typing away at his computer again before he stopped. 
    There was a brief moment of silence, Tony hiding behind the computer screen before he stood up and walked back around the desk, “I’m gonna need some time.”
    You understood, shaking your head. You were asking Tony to hack into any known database and collect as much data on Bucky as you could. It was wrong, but you just needed to know who you were dealing with. 
    “Thank you, Tony. I-I really appreciate it.” You weren’t good when it came to...well, the heartfelt side of things but luckily neither was Tony. 
    “Don’t get sappy on me now, Kid. You know it makes me sick,” he joked playfully, smile on his lips as you stood up to give him a half hug. 
    “I’ll call you as soon as I know anything.” He promised before you walked out of the too-tall building with far more questions than you came with. 
    It was a waiting game that you didn’t want to play, but you didn’t have a choice. 
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
    It seemed like your relationship with Bucky was doomed from the start. 
    Friends to lovers rarely, if ever, works out in anyone’s favour. 
    The fake dating trope you could handle, pushing your feelings aside to help Bucky win a bet didn’t seem like the worst thing in the world. You had a great time, great fucking sex, and a trip out of it. 
    Then Steve wouldn’t leave the picture. Going as far as coming to the wedding as Natasha’s boyfriend to spite you not realizing that you and Bucky had gotten married. 
    Married. 
    You and Bucky were married. Bonded in a whole other way and now, his ex-wife was out for you and him. 
    Maybe this was a sign from the universe, a big red fucking flag telling you that it wasn’t worth it and yet...you couldn’t let go. 
    The apartment felt empty without Bucky, his bedroom left the way it was in the morning with your favourite sweater of his laid out on the covers and a little post-it note on top of it. 
    You never could really decipher Bucky’s handwriting. It was absolute chicken scratch as you picked it up and managed to make out in case you get cold scribbled onto it. 
    It was an easy decision to pull it over your head and drown yourself in the scent of Bucky’s cologne as you fiddled with the small gold band you now wore around your neck as a necklace. 
    You didn’t want anyone other than Bucky. There was no in the world who understood you better. Who knew how to make you laugh when you were having a bad day. 
    Everything led you right back to Bucky. 
    So when your phone rang from the other side of the couch, you were secretly hoping it was Bucky. 
    Instead, Tony’s name flashed and your heart sank into your stomach as you quickly hit answer and held the phone up to your ear. 
    “You’re not gonna like this, Kid.” Tony’s voice flowed through the speakers as you took a shaky breath in and braced yourself for what Tony was about to tell you. 
    “He did a damn good job at erasing his history, but you can’t erase all of it,” Tony chuckled as you rolled your eyes, “quit stalling.”
    He sighed, “the Howling Commandos was an organization tasked with,” he paused, “tasked with collecting intel and making sure that information never got released to the public.” 
    This time, it was your turn to fall silent. 
    “Like, spies?” You asked and Tony hummed, “sort of.” 
    “They had spies, agents, hit-men.” 
    No. You shook your head, no. 
    “James Buchanan Barnes was their highest ranking hit-man. Him, along with Sam Wilson and Natasha Romanova worked as a team. A spy, agent, hit-man trio.” 
    You had to shake yourself out of spiralling, what you needed was everything Tony could possible tell you. 
    “Anything on his ex-wife?” You then asked and heard shuffling on the other line, “not much. Mary Barnes, but I doubt that’s her real name, was part of a training initiative the Howling Commandos were testing.” 
    You bit your lip, at least you had a name, even if it wasn’t her real name. 
    “By that point it looks like James—” 
    “Bucky. His name is Bucky.” 
    Tony cleared his throat after a moment’s silence, “Bucky looks like he had disappeared. Blipped off of the face of the Earth. There’s nothing in his file after 2014.” 
    That makes sense. Bucky was perhaps the most old-fashioned man you knew, only upgrading from his flip-phone just a few years ago. He barely knew how to unlock it, though. 
    “Sam and Natasha went on to live normal lives, Kid. I’m sure that’s all Bucky wants.” Tony tries to assure you and you laugh, “you sound like my dad.” 
    He laughed on the other line, “oh gross.” 
    “Thanks for everything, Tony.” You said, “you know what number to call in case you’re in trouble.” 
    With that, you both hung up, tossing your phone away from you to digest everything you’d just been told. You knew you had to talk to Bucky, but you didn’t know when. 
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
    “So you’re tellin’ me,” Sam was confused. “That this is the same Mary that tried to get you killed?” 
    Bucky rolled his eyes, taking another swing of his beer as he rounded Sam’s kitchen island. 
    “That’s the one, you know, the undercover agent working for Strucker.” Bucky scowled at the name. 
    He was angry, beyond angry at the fact that his past was creeping up on him despite how far he had gone to erase it. 
    “But why now? Why come after you now?” Sam poses the question that even Bucky doesn’t have an answer to. So he just shrugs his shoulders and finishes off his beer. 
    “Unfinished business.” 
    They stand in silence for a little while longer, listening to the old ticking clock hanging on the wall before Sam takes a step towards Bucky. 
    “Whatever you need, you know that Tasha and I are here for you, right?” He whispers and Bucky feels the warmth blooming in his chest as he gives him a half-smile. 
    “Yeah,” he nods his head, “thanks, man.” 
    Sam knows that Bucky was never really good at the sappy shit, so he doesn’t force it. Instead, he offers him another beer, bottle necks clinking as Bucky’s thoughts race. 
    He was worried. 
    Not about himself, but about you. 
    And you were worried about Bucky, curling up in his bed as you sighed and tossed and turned. There was no way you’d be able to fall asleep alone tonight. And hugging his pillow just wasn’t enough. 
    So you grabbed your phone, hitting his name and waiting for the ringing to sound before he picked up — tired and groggy.
    “We need to talk.” You didn’t give him a chance to greet you. He sighed on the other line, but hummed in agreement, “tomorrow?”
    You hummed in response to his question, the sound of his voice soothing as you played with the sheets of his bed.
    “I miss you, Sweets.” Bucky whispered, your breathing hitching at how low and raspy his voice really was.
    “I miss you too, Bucky.” You admitted, shifting as you got comfortable on the pile of pillows against your head.
    There was a moment of silence before Bucky spoke again.
    “You know what ‘m really missin’ right now?” His words sent a shiver down your spine as you shakily inhaled, “what?”
    Bucky sighed, reminiscent of how he sighs when he runs his hands all over your body. 
    “I miss that sweet cunt of yours.” Bucky purrs, you know he’s smirking, possibly even dragging his tongue across his bottom lip as he closes his eyes to imagine you under him. 
    You’re at a loss for words, feeling your panties grow damp, core aching and you’re going to have to touch yourself soon. But that’s all part of Bucky’s plan, you think. 
    “Here I am, all alone, with my hand wrapped ‘round my cock,” he whispers, but you can hear him stroking himself. 
    “And all I can think ‘bout is that way your tight little pussy grips me and milks my fuckin’ dick, baby.” Bucky was always so good with his words, knowing exactly what to say to make you melt. 
    And it was working, because you were a squirming mess in his bed. 
    “Well,” you could tell he was smirking by his tone, “what’re ya waitin’ for, Sweets. Go on, touch yourself. I wanna hear you work your clit.” 
    Your hand flew under your panties, being given the permission only made it sweeter as your fingers came in contact with your soaking folds. The sensitive bundle of nerves needed desperate attention as you slowly circled it. 
    “Good girl, that’s my girl.” Bucky praised, continuing to work himself. 
    “God,” he hissed, “can’t wait to have you all to myself again. Bury myself deep, maybe even have you sit on my cock as you beg me to do somethin’.” 
    You worked yourself a little faster, applying some more pressure as you let out a whine at his words. 
    “Add two fingers, Sweets. I know how much you love bein’ stretched,” Bucky chuckled deeply, “been thinkin’ of gettin’ you a mould of my fuckin’ dick for when ‘m not home.” 
    Oh my God. Oh my God that shouldn’t be so fucking hot so why does it make your walls flutter and breathing uneven as you have to stop yourself from actually fucking cumming. 
    He chuckles again, “yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” 
    You can’t verbally respond, too focused on the tight coil in your abdomen that’s ready to snap. 
    “I know you’re close, can hear it in how fuckin’ desperate you sound,” he pants, “so why don’t you make a mess all over my clean sheets.” 
    You gasp, how did he know, but you don’t get to dwell on it for much longer than a moment because your orgasm rips through you and leaves you panting Bucky’s name. 
    Both of your breaths are uneven and ragged through the phone’s speakers, bed springs creaking on Bucky’s side as he hums. 
    “If only you could see the miss I made for you, Sweets,” you shuddered at his words, closing your eyes to relish in the moment. 
    “Now get some sleep, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.” His tone has changed, entirely sweet and caring as you grab the phone to bring him closer to you. 
    “Okay,” you reply, another lick of silence before you hear Bucky going to end the call but you stop him. 
    “I love you, Bucky.” You quickly blubber out and it feels good to finally say those words because there’s no more denying how you really feel about him. 
    “I love you too, Sweets.” 
    It’s a bittersweet ending to the phone call, thoughts and emotions running wild as you’re forced to remind yourself that Bucky has a lot of explaining to do. 
991 notes · View notes
tokoyamisstuff · 3 years
Text
Scandal Ch. 4 - Loki x Reader
Summary: Nothing can stop the wrath of the God of Mischief, when he realizes he had been deceived by the people he trusted more than his beloved wife.
Warnings: Angst, Violence
Words: ~1700
"But what the world fails to realize is a villain is just a victim whose story hasn’t been told.” - Chris Colfer
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I Story Masterlist I General Masterlist I
Taglist: @hi-there-x @haloangel391 @misssilencewritewell @babayaga67 @accioremuslupinn @mochimommy2002 @just-someone-who-likes-to-write @damalseer @bethanystan @loser-alert @star017 @nina1800 @queenariesofnarnia @n1fangirlsblog @vengefulsokovian @lunamoonbby @freyagallileaevans​
A/N: This is a rather boring chapter, but we’re far from done!
“She already left several moons ago. It was her own wish, we did not force her.”
“Where to?” 
“Midgard.”
Loki was long back on Asgardian territory, yet his mind couldn’t find peace. Well, how could he, now knowing what Laufey told him?
His world had already crumbled to dust when he left you behind - but if Laufey spoke the truth, his whole existence had been built on lies from the very start.
Not knowing where to search for answers, the prince sneaked into Odin’s forbidden chambers, walking in the shadows protecting him in the midst of night.
There it was: The Cascet of Ancient Winters - the very relic that doomed the fate of your newborn, revealing it’s shameful blood to all of Asgard.
It just urged him to try and see for himself, even if the truth would shatter his heart.
“STOP!”
Loki wouldn’t even flinch at the Allfather’s words, already tightly holding the cascet in both hands.
“Am I cursed?”
The God of Mischief wouldn’t even dare to turn around and look at the person he always ever thought to be his father - for as soon as he laid fingers on the cascet, he began turning into that same shade of blue your son did.
Panic began to rise in the young god, fearing to be killed by the people he loved so dearly shall they lay eyes upon what he truly was. His chest began to tighten, fastened breath turning into a cold mist.
“No” was Odin’s firm but unsatisfying answer, to which Loki only responded by putting down the cascet.
“What am I?”
“You’re my son.” His words came from the heart, not even faltering as Loki turned around to present his Jotun form to the Allfather.
“What more than that?!” he almost growled in between gritted teeth, appearance slowly returning to his usual self.
At that deepest, darkest day in his life yet, Loki would be too blinded by betrayal and rage to see his father’s true love towards his adoptive son.
“The cascet wasn’t the only thing you took back from Jotunheim that day, was it?” The prince took firm steps towards the man that he had known all his life, but had become a complete stranger towards him through that sole moment.
Again, only a “no.”
Loki’s mind was racing, thinking about what else may have been hidden from himself - and what kind of consequences that revelation had for everything he had done up until now.
“In the aftermath of the battle, I went to the temple -- and I found a baby” the Allfather continued, “Small, for a giant’s offspring. Abandoned, suffering, left to die...”
“...Laufeyson” Loki completed Odin’s sentence. So every word the King of the Jotunns had said was indeed a fact.
“W-W-why?!” he almost whined, voice weak and defeated. “You were knee deep in Jotun blood, why would you take me?”
“You were an innocent child-”
“No.” The God of Lies himself had become so sick of being fed those, starting to snap. “You took me for a purpose. What was it???” 
For what felt like an eternity, there was only silence.
The image of that small, blue child in his arms had been painfully burned into his heart back then. But now that he knew the story behind all of this, it held a completely different meaning.
Just like he had been abandoned back on that frozen rock, he had abandoned his own child, as well as the love of his life.
Outcast, abused, left to die...and now, god knows what had happened to you...
That secret had destroyed more than just his own life. It had ruined the only honest happiness he was ever given - you, and his son.
“TELL ME!”
He just needed to know: The reason behind all the pain and suffering he had to endure - and caused to others as well.
“I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day, bring about an alliance, bring about permanent peace...through you.”
That was just too much for Loki to bear. “What?” he reacted with a barely-there voice, every word of his father shooting daggers through his heart.
“But those plans no longer matter.” No matter what Odin might want to explain, Loki wasn’t able to listen to any more, jumping into his own conclusions.
“So I am no more than another stolen relic, locked up inside of here until you might have use for me?!” he croaked, afraid of the answer.
“Do not twist my words.”
“You could told me what I was from the beginning!” he now yelled, furious at how virtuous Odin would still defend his own action. “Why didn’t you?”
“You’re my son” he repeated once again. “I only wanted to protect you from the truth.”
“Why, ‘cause I-I-I-I’m the monster people tell their children about at night?!” Loki clenched his fists, fingernails drawing blood to his palm.
“At least when my son was born, you should’ve dropped the charade!” Pure agony was dripping from every syllable, and for a mere second, his eyes were glistering bright red once again. “You’ve forsaken two innocent lives - the most important beings in my pathetic existence - and now you’ve burdened me with their suffering as well!”
That sure was a miracle - how a person so broken from the beginning wouldn’t collapse under pressure that huge.
“It all makes sense now, why you favoured Thor, all those years! Because no matter how much you claim to love me, you could never have a Frost Giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!”
But who cares about the throne, honestly? Not him. Not anymore. Ever since he knew you.
It all dawned to him now: What he could have, if only he had put his trust in you like so many times before.
All his life, he only ever remembers a shadow. At first, he thought it to be the shadow of his brother, or never being enough for his own father. Maybe the other Asgardians looking down on him, making him feel like he doesn’t belong.
Yet in the end, that very shadow was inside of his own mind.
But you?
You had loved Loki with all of your heart, banishing the darkness from his mind through your bright affection.
It didn’t matter to you what anyone thought of him - or even what he thought himself to be.
Because you saw him for what he really was, and he found peace with that.
And he was certain that it wouldn’t matter to you whether he called himself Odinson or Laufeyson - as had you loved his child dearly, ever since he took his first breath.
He could never make up for that greatest of his sins, Loki knew that much.
Or...?
“Where are you going, my son?”
Reluctantly, Loki made his way past the man he now only considered a stranger. Still, when Odin tried to reach out to him, Loki immediately ducked away, startled and afraid for his true nature to hurt anyone.
More than ever before, the God of Mischief despised himself to the core of his being. He was lost, confused, shocked - and still, determined.
“Creating a Kingdom for my family.”
___
[Earth, 2 months later]
On times like these, you thought your mind was betraying you.
Especially when you catched yourself reminiscing sweet, innocent moments - far back in the past, before everything you ever held dearly got destroyed.
You still felt his touch, feather-light on your skin, as well as his scent haunting your memories. And sometimes you couldn’t help but wonder how life would have been, well...if things were different.
Frantically shaking your head, you clasped the book closed and threw it into a corner of the small one-room-flat SHIELD had provided for you.
Your magical pockets were always almost empty, except for a few necessities - and that book. It held the first flower Loki ever gifted you, and you had dried it in between those pages so it would never lose it’s beauty.
But now, remembering meant pain - because Loki Laufeyson would never come back.
For he is dead.
Fell of the Bifrost, as confirmed by Heimdall, who secretly kept in touch with you all this time. So you knew it all: Of his grief and treason, which slowly led him into madness. 
And what did you do in the meantime?! Nothing at all!
You should’ve tried everything, anything to get back and help him go through that time of need, hel!
“Endure it, Y/N...you need to stay strong...for Liam.” After so many times of telling those words to yourself, you doubted them to have any effect on your broken heart at all.
Yet it would never fail to keep you going. For that wonderful child was proof of your love, and now your last memory of him.
Rocking the small Jotun to sleep, tears found their way to your eyes like so many times before, dropping to the baby’s face unnoticed.
So you tried to sing your pain away as you cooed that little wonder to sleep.
“Å eg lengtar så tidt dette landet å sjå, Og det dreg meg så blidt, når eg langt er ifrå. Med den våknande vår vert min saknad so sår, så mest gråta, mest gråta eg kan. Å eg minnest, å eg minnest, å eg minnest så vel dette land. Å eg minnest, å eg minnest, å eg minnest så vel dette land.”
*Translation:
“Oh I long so long to see this land, And it pulls me so gently, when I'm far away. With the waking spring host my missing so sore, so most cry, most cry eg can. Oh I remember, oh I remember, oh I remember this country as well. Oh I remember, oh I remember, oh I remember this country as well.”
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Text
Broken flowers.
The lovely @ben-c-group-therapy who asked for this: 
<Hello, me again. I’d love to request some angst with a fluffy end. Miguel or Nick where reader is due to marry another man. The man and reader are at the alter and he just says he can’t marry her and leaves her there. He hadn’t given any clue he would do this. No cold feet. You stand shocked before leaving quickly. So Miguel or Nick was in the audience and they come to find you. Fluff. Comfort. Eventual sparks?? Idk. I can’t get the idea out of my head lol. Thanks so much!>
I decided to do Miguel for you this time. I really hope this is what you were looking for, I really enjoyed writing this. I love Miguel’s soft side when it comes out to play so I tapped into that and slight Sex and City movie vibes.
Warnings: Being left at the aisle angst with a fluffy happy ending. Very very light swearing.
WC: 2227 
Enjoy x
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You had never been this excited in your life as you were when your dad walked you down the aisle to Alex. You had both picked the Santo Padre country club for your wedding and reception. Everything looked better than what you had imagined it to be. Your eyes were set on Alex from the moment the doors opened stepping through them, but he didn’t look happy so you just put it down to him being nervous. As you got to the front seats you stopped waiting for your mum to stand up taking your other arm to walk you to the alter. Your eyes caught your best friends over your mum’s head, who was sitting next to her, a tear running down his cheek, Miguel mouthed “You look beautiful” and you gave him a wink back.  
The ceremony had run smoothly up until the vows when the priest asked Alex to take your hands and to repeat after him, when you heard him mutter “I can’t”. You looked at the priest who was shocked at his reaction and you squeezed Alex’s arm with your free hand stepping a little closer,
“Babe it’s ok, you’re nervous”
“Y/N, I can’t. I’ am sorry. I can’t”
Your heart shattered when he pulled away from you and he walked out of the chapel leaving you standing there alone, your flowers dropped out of your hand landing on the floor breaking off the stems scattering around the bottom of your dress. No one knew what to do or what to say to you, but you heard the whispering that was getting louder and louder.
Tears welled in your eyes and you just ran. You felt Miguel grab your arm, but you pulled away from his grip and ran straight out the side door. You ran and ran till you got to the edge of the grounds to a man-made lake with a fountain in the middle, you dropped down under a tree in the grass and you sobbed till your whole body was shaking, letting out a loud scream.
Miguel had rage bolting through him at what had just happened to you. You guys had been best friends since high school. You had grown closer and closer over the years, being close with Emily when he got married and you had been there for him when he got divorced. You were one of the only people that never shied away from him, even when he took over the family business, knowing what he was, what he had become and what he did. Other than his mother, you were the most important woman in his life.
You were both brutally honest with each other telling each other everything, other than talking about the Galindo business dealings that you wanted to know nothing about and he knew what you thought about him taking over the business because he was so much better than a Cartel Boss, which weirdly made you closer. His family business never changed your friendship with him and you had inside joke’s when he went over the border and about his yellow rain coat that you had heard rumours about. If either of you were unbalanced or needed someone to tell you to get your shit together, you went to each other.
If you hadn’t felt the way you did about how Miguel delt with things, he would have had Alex in his church pew and would have been in his yellow rain coat making him pay for what he had done to you. Miguel got Marcus to take your parent’s home and stay with them in case they needed anything, Nestor got everyone out and on their way, Paco went to grab all your things from the hotel room you were meant to be staying in that night and then went to get your luggage from your apartment to take it all to his place and he sorted out the reception.
After he spoke to the manger coming to an agreement, he grabbed a chilled bottle of wine that was sitting on one of the tables and started to walk around the grounds looking for you. It wasn’t long before he saw you and his heart broke at you sitting there alone with your dress fanned around you and your shoulders slouched over.
You were looking out over the lake, the sun setting slowly and you tried to work everything out in your head. You didn’t know what happened or why Alex did what he did. As far as you knew everything was fine, he was excited to marry you and start a family. You had both decided that you would stay in your own apartment the week leading to the wedding and move the rest of your things over to his house once you were back from your four-week honeymoon, split between Cabo and Cancun. You had heard from him every night that week so, you were confused at what had happened not being able to put a finger on why.
You were pulled out of your chain of thought when you heard footsteps in the grass, but you didn’t turn around till you heard his voice and he sat down right next to you,
“Mi alma”
You looked over at him, a soft sweet smile on his face and he handed you the bottle of wine after opening it for you. You looked into his eyes for a moment, tears running out of yours and his filled with tears. Miguel put his hand on the back of your head pulling you towards him kissing your forehead. You both sat there, passing the wine bottle between each other watching the sun disappear, the warm wind hitting both of your skins,
“Didn’t see that coming” you muttered taking a sip from the bottle.
“He showed no sign he was going to call it off?”
“No. He told me last night he couldn’t wait to marry me. What a fucking joke” you took another sip of wine.
“Want the rain coat?” Miguel looked down at you with a grin. It was the first time since what happened that you had smiled and had a little giggle. You lent into him, Miguel’s arm going around you, rubbing his big warm hand up and down your arm and you rested your head on his shoulder “Today shouldn’t have happened Y/N, he’s an asshole. You deserve to be treated like a queen” he lent his head on top of  yours and you sighed into him.
“I have to cancel the honeymoon and the flights. Can I use your phone?”
“No” Miguel sat up away from you and you frowned your brows at him “You’re going on that trip; you have been looking forward to it. I’ll change his ticket into my name. We’re going and we’ll have a great time”
“What would I do without you?” you lent over kissing his cheek “Can I have your jacket?”
“Of course”
Miguel shrugged it off handing it to you. You reached behind yourself tugging down the zipper of your dress. Miguel reached over pulling it down the rest of the way, his breathing hitching slightly when your dress fell open to your smooth skin. You pushed the top of your dress to your chest and took one arm out of the straps at a time. You put Miguel’s jacket on and you stood up, the dress fell off you pooling at your feet. You pulled his jacket around yourself and done up the buttons stepping out of the dress, his jacket on you like a short dress,
“You better get home and pack. Flights at 7 am” you smiled down at Miguel before you started to walk away.
“You’re going to leave your dress here? You loved that dress”
Miguel jumped up catching up to you, putting his arm around your neck,
“I don’t want the reminder Miguel, of what was meant to be. I’ am absolutely heart broken, but it’s done, we need to move on”
Eight weeks later
Miguel was surprised and proud at how well you handled the situation, he not handling his marriage break down anywhere near as coolly as you and when you found out the real reason why Alex did what he did, you went for run instead of breaking down. He never pushed you to talk about anything, he waited till you came to him to talk and he held you while you cried. Some night’s you walked into his room crying, he held you while you feel asleep, sleeping in his bed and other nights you were fine. He talked you into moving in with him so you weren’t by yourself and you had organised movers so that everything would be at Miguel’s when you got back.
It was the third week of the trip that you noticed a shift in Miguel and how he treated you, but you didn’t want to pay attention to it so you pushed it away trying not to think about it, but your feelings changed towards him as well. Since you had been back from the trip and getting on with life as best you could, it was getting to the point that you didn’t know if you should step over that line, if you said something and it was all in your head that would be years and years of trust and friendship broken, but you couldn’t live under the same roof with someone that you had feelings for, them not knowing.
When you had been getting messages from him during your day, you smiled at your screen and your tummy filled with butterflies. Miguel was excited to be coming home to you every day and his mind drifted to you most of his day, but the day he knew he had to say something was the day he came home and you were in the kitchen. He had seen you cook and bake too many times over the years to count and the apron you wore, he had bought it for you one Christmas.
When he walked in and the music hit his ear drums, he smiled to himself and walked around till you were in his eye sight. He saw the oven on, by the scent flowing through the house you were cooking your chicken pasta bake and you were leaning over a tray of cupcakes with a piping bag icing them. He smiled to himself and knew at that point he was falling in love with you. He watched on for a while, grinning at how natural it looked for you to be in his kitchen. You sensed that someone was watching you, looking up after you iced the last cupcake. You met Miguel’s eyes and you both grinned at each other, you both stood there starring till heat swept over you.
You reached behind yourself undoing the apron and sitting it on the counter. You started to walk towards him, Miguel matching your steps your eyes not leaving each other’s. You were just about to him when you stopped, he copying you and you were both breathing heavy,
“You feel it too” Miguel whispered, more a statement than a question.
“Yes. I have for a while”
“That night in Cabo?”
“Yeah”
You couldn’t take your eyes off each other, almost like a test to see who would crack first. It wasn’t  long till you had your answer and it was both of you, it was like a magnet pulled you both together. Your arms went around his neck and his went down to wrap around just under your behind, lifting you up off the floor. Your lips met, meeting together like a puzzle, you felt like lightening had struck you and you knew he felt it too moaning into your mouth.
You both titled your heads and allowed the kiss to deepen. Miguel walked you both to the counter, sitting you on it not breaking the kiss. You spread your legs for him and he moved between them, your arms loosened around his neck and your hands went to his bearded cheeks. Your lungs started to burn and you broke the kiss, Miguel smiling up at you,
“We’ve been friends for a long time” your hands ran down from his cheeks and stopped on his chest “You know there is no going back now”
“I don’t want to go back anywhere. Y/N, you’re my best friend. You are the only one that knows me amor, takes me for me, holds me accountable for my actions and you keep me grounded. You are the only one that has ever loved me no matter what”
“As always, you always know what I’ am thinking and say first” you both laughed and you tapped his chest with your hands “I want this, so much. But can we take it slow? It’s a big step for us and it’s the first relationship we have both been in since-“
Miguel curled his pointer finger under your chin and tipped your head back, his other hand going to rest on top of your other one,
“As slow as you want, as fast as you want. We are still the same people, the same friends, we are just falling in love” Miguel peaked your lips.
“And it feels absolutely amazing.”
Tags: @beccabarba​ @alwaysachorusgirl​ @lovebishoplosamiguelgalindo​ @ben-c-group-therapy​
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dangermousie · 3 years
Text
CFC Chapter 54
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“A crashing car?” Ahahahaha I see you, Meatbun. But it was indeed an utter pileup!
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I know I commented on this passage in its various iterations eight billion times already but I still have more to say. And it’s that XQC taking so long to realize that even though HY is young, his emotions and feelings are as genuine and strong as those of anyone older is so realistic - people do tend to think that especially with regard to children - think of a reaction of an adult to a three year old crying over ice cream they dropped. It’s all amused even if not meanly so. Because to an adult with vastly more experience, this is not a big deal. But what that forgets is that whether it’s ridiculous to someone else or not, to the person at issue that is a real feeling, AND that of course a person can only feel through the lens of their experience - what else is there? Emotions aren’t any less valid because they are informed by lesser or different experience.
Honestly, to me so far this is one of the driving messages of the novel - everyone is in their own world of issues and pain and none of these characters can truly look through the lens of another person and it would be so much better if they did. To XQC, for so long, He Yu’s strong feelings (and we know so many of these feelings are awful - despair, and self-loathing, and loneliness) never quite felt real and therefore never quite felt fully valid. And by the time it wasn’t the case, it was too late.
But the same is true for He Yu - he is so concentrated on his own grievances and his own pain, he cannot perceive others’ different issues. In He Yu’s mind, he’s the winner and always champion of Misery Olympics and while he’s had a horrible time of it, that doesn’t mean other people didn’t either just in different ways. Whether because of his condition, his issues or just his age, HY is not empathetic in the least.
And think about it - XQC does not have a horrible illness. He does not have unfeeling parents. But he had to watch his beloved parents brutally murdered in front of his eyes at 13 (!!!!) and then had to raise a 5 year old by himself. Is it worse or better than HY’s trauma? That’s a matter of opinion but what there is no question about is that is a different type of trauma and a different type of scar. Or think about the patient in the asylum whose name I am too lazy to look up - her life is such a theater of horrors that to me, it makes the combined issues of HY and XQC seem small, though once again that’s subjective. Nobody wins when people start this sort of competition.
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My heart breaks for XQC but also - I am sorry - if/when HY x XQC hook up again (how? I have no idea! But that is one of the joys of Meatbun - I both have no idea how/where it’s going and utterly trust her), please have He Yu read up and learn things because Good God. You should not be in major pain the morning after unless you are into pain and XQC clearly is not!
The other thing is the bit about XQC forcing himself to walk in his usual ramrod-straight manner is the moment I went utterly gone for him. I mean, I liked him and found him interesting before. But this is the thing that flipped that invisible switch for me and I went rabid and irrational and now I am Team XQC and I don’t care what he wants and does from now on, he should have it. It’s so small but so real. My mother and her mother were both big on straight posture. And one of the reasons they gave was when you walk with good posture - you look confident but also it makes you feel confident and stronger. And I’ve actually found it to be true - when you throw your shoulders back and straighten your neck and hold your head up, it does not just give others a signal, it gives a signal to your own brain. So to see XQC insist on doing it, despite being emotionally and physically shattered - because of his pride refusing to give up, because he’s so unbending, but also this being some sort of instinctive armor, just hits straight through the heart.
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OK, I laughed at HY as a fucking machine. But also, this is another point in the whole “everyone has issues” narrative and HY’s life could be worse. HY, with all his other issues, can pay an insane amount, an amount that XQC could not pay in a million years, so easily. It’s not even a blip to him. Hell, the fact that he forgot to pay speaks to that - I can see forgetting to pay a friend a couple of bucks back right away because it’s not much money. HY forgets because it does not loom in his mind. And this rich lifestyle is instinctive, is ingrained in him. I think he’d find it hard to be poor.
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THAT is what he’s thinking about? Priorities are...
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The sole good thing that came out of this insanity is that XQC is getting in touch with his emotions, even if those emotions are (rightly) rage. He’s too closed off from them normally.
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The fact that you slept with a man should be secondary to the fact that you drugged and raped him, but here we are...
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To me, this sums up He Yu as a moral wasteland. To still, when sober and past his fit and not under influence of wine, to still feel excitement over his revenge and to somehow twist it that it’s XQC’s fault for being raped by He Yu is !!!!!!!!!
(I suppose if I were charitable, I’d assume that the disquiet is small stirrings of almost dead conscience and his “he deserved it” is an attempt to justify the unjustifiable to himself, but I honestly don’t want to think so because I am so angry at him. Not until I see some more evidence. I don’t feel like being indulgent with He Yu since he’s indulgent with himself enough for two.)
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1. The fact that you can tell from the picture XQC got taken by a man (I am gonna defer to Meatbun’s expertise here) definitely points to the fact that the pictures are going to be used for something bad later - because if it’s just oh XQC had sex, so what, he’s single what’s the big deal. But like this it becomes a different matter. No idea if it will be used for HY or XQC or both, and by whom (money is on Duan and co, but after the way HY went off, I would never say HY himself won’t use it badly somehow) but knowing Meatbun, it will go for maximum damage.
2. Ruthless? Perhaps. Unfeeling? Hmmmm. I am not He Yu’s biggest fan atm but that’s a wonderfully misleading adjective here. He does still seem to be in shock. And fixating.
3. The whole “hahahaha XQC is a hypocrite when he was all ‘I am not interested in sex’“ is - I am not sure if HY is just short-circuiting (fine) or using a rapist justification/rolling in a sea of toxic toxicity (not fine) because I am sorry, that’s totally like “he/she had a reaction, can’t be rape” writ large. Yeah, sure he had a reaction - you poured drugs down his throat. That has nothing to do with his default preferences or his actual state. THE FUCK?!
Anyway, we end on the whole “u mad bro?” bit and you know what strikes me? HY was all “I am done, we are done, my revenge is complete I don’t care” but here he is, still desperately seeking and craving reaction and interaction from XQC.
I remain utterly puzzled as to how these two will ever be a couple except for a couple being defined as “two mutually homicidal people.” Leaving aside everything else, I am willing to accept HY is in the closet - clearly whatever his orientation is, it includes men. But I do not get that sense from XQC at all. When he’s not drugged, he’s barely interested in sex with anyone and I do not get the sense he’s in the closet either. Chances of anyone, let alone He Yu, who is both a man and someone who raped him to humiliate him, being able to entice him into sexual encounters voluntarily is about the chance of me going to visit Mars. Meatbun loves doing insane things so I can’t wait.
PS I know people use the term psychopath all the time casually but ummm, I think He Yu may actually be one? When he has his father (!!!) on speakerphone, calmly carrying a conversation with the man as he’s raping his father’s friend in the club as he talks (!!!!!) that is...in RL I’d be “team lock him up for life, there is something so basic broken in him that it can’t be fixed.” Like - the hell? The ability to put things on different shelves so much is not in the same country as sane (it makes me think of 2ha and TXJ banging CWN being the curtain while performing court business but TXJ was bona fide clinically insane and also this is worse because this is his actual freaking father omg.) Of course, only time will tell whether it’s evidence of him being irreparably incapable of normalcy in terms of living in the world/interacting with others or it was an extreme psychotic (in casual parlance not medical one) break because most people are capable of truly horrific stuff if certain levers are pushed and his default is saner. It’s the question, isn’t it? Whether He Yu’s factory default setting is the monster of the previous chapters or the kid who’d cut his wrists so as not to hurt others.
Anyway, this novel is a terrifying roller coaster ride and I love having strong emotions.
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biclarisselarue · 3 years
Note
hi! I just wanted to say I love your writing 😳
mafia au + enemies to lovers + any prompt you want 💕
It’s been almost three hours now, and Percy feels as if he couldn’t move anymore even if he wanted to. Crouching behind a statue of some forgotten god is wreaking havoc on his back. If this potential lead turns out to be another dead end and he wasted a perfectly good evening staking out some dusty museum, even if that museum is owned by one of his best friends, he might have to officially retire from the private investigating business altogether. He’s only twenty-eight, he’s sure he could probably find some cushy job to pay the bills. 
All thoughts of a comfortable office chair and a job where he isn’t shot at on the regular are chased from his mind as a shadowy figure creeps into the room. The movements are graceful, quieter than any normal human being has a right to be. Percy tenses, hand creeping to the gun by his hip. The room is dark, lit only by the slight shine the moon reflects through the expansive skylights above. His breath slows, watching as the lithe form approaches, their face turned upwards to a statue near his own. One more step brings them directly beneath a skylight, and his thief’s face is revealed.
Annabeth Chase.
Percy’s breath catches in his throat. Even knowing all of the dark rumors that  follow her like shadows can’t stop him from admiring the cut of her jaw, the curve of her throat as she continues to stare at the statue, unaware of his presence. The most notorious mafia boss on this side of the country, standing less than three feet away from him. She’s dressed in all black, loose joggers and a warm turtleneck. He would laugh at the cliche if it weren’t for how dangerously prepared she looks, pistol tucked into the waistband of her pants. 
They’re still for a long moment, each gazing at something beautiful. Eventually, Annabeth lets out a soft breath that sounds almost like a sigh and reaches out with gloved fingers to lightly touch the statue’s upturned hand. Her eyes close as if gathering strength, and Percy takes his moment. He steps out from his hiding spot and trains his gun on the back of her head, hands certain and steady.
“Turn around. Slowly.”
There’s not a twitch from the figure in front of him, no sign that she’s even slightly surprised to be caught here tonight. Still, Annabeth Chase does as he asks, keeping her hands where he can see them, away from her gun. Her eyes are bright under the moon, clever and and almost as sharp as her smile.
“Percy Jackson.”
That was not what he was expecting her to say, and she knows it. Her smile widens into a grin. Silence stretches between them as he waits for her to say something else, but she simply continues watching him, the picture of ease. It’s a challenge—one he quickly loses.
“So, you’re the one who’s been breaking in here almost every night for the past month then. I can’t fucking wait to tell Reyna I was actually right about a potential burglar. Though, I would figure you of all people would be more careful about dust patterns.”
A slender shoulder shrugs, unbothered. “Ah, you got me. Nobody else seemed to notice. Very smart of you.” There’s a hint of satisfaction in her voice, and Percy’s eyes narrow.
“Yeah, well, your casing of the joint is done now, so whatever job you’ve got planned is also finished. I’m bringing you in for breaking and entering.” 
Her laugh is soft as she takes a step forward, and Percy’s aim lowers down to her heart in warning. 
Annabeth’s eyes widen, too much for it to not be fake. “Alright, easy there. But you will have to come closer at some point if you don’t want to stand here until morning. I'm not exactly going to handcuff myself.”
Percy would be an idiot to trust anything she says, but she’s also right. His arms wouldn’t be able to stay raised like this for long enough, and he’s already tired from the late hour. Wrestling with the decision for a couple more seconds, he eventually moves cautiously towards her, watching carefully.
“Would it be too obvious to say no funny business?”
The smile she gives him is amused, and she watches him right back as he shifts the gun to one hand in order to pull out his handcuffs. “Almost certainly.” As he takes one of her wrists in his—and here he decidedly does not notice how warm and soft her skin is above the glove—she leans forward ever so slightly. She’s close enough that he can smell her perfume, a hint of lemon and something sweet.
“You’re wrong about one thing, you know.” Percy simply raises an eyebrow, bringing the handcuff up. “I wasn’t casing this place at all.”
When he looks back on it, the next few seconds seem to happen in slow motion. Annabeth tugs her wrist backwards, causing him to stumble closer, their chests almost touching. The scent of lemon becomes more prominent, and Percy hesitates. Then she disarms him with a twist of her other wrist, hooks a leg around his ankle to knock him off his feet, and brings her own pistol under his chin. His handcuff is locked around one of her wrists though, and he’ll take whatever win he can get. Percy locks the other side around his own wrist, smirking.
“Probably don’t want to have to drag around a dead body, do you?”
Annabeth quirks one eyebrow at him, and he feels the smugness fade slightly at the sight. Her knee is pressing into his chest just on the side of painful, but it’s positioned carefully to not do any real damage.
“You presumably have the key for these handcuffs somewhere on your person though, don’t you? Wouldn’t take long for me to find it after killing you, I bet.” He huffs, conceding the point. “Luckily for you, I’m not going to kill you tonight.”
“Oh? Do you have another date in mind? I’d love to mark it down on my calendar.”
She presses her pistol a little further into his skin, a warning not unlike his own from earlier. “Listen. I was hoping you’d notice the dust being misplaced, even if it took you longer than I anticipated. Maybe I should have picked someplace you frequent more often, but I suppose I have a soft spot for the Greeks and their art. Infamous, in part because someone made them untouchable, placing them here.”
As he looks up at her, caught in the trap she laid, he can’t help but agree. Chase had always seemed invincible, unknowable, but with her warm breath ghosting across his face, a crack forms in the illusion.
“So, why all this then? What could you possibly need from me that you went to so much trouble to orchestrate this whole thing away from prying eyes?”
There’s a pause, as if she’s debating whether to trust him, her mouth drawn into a frown. For the first time tonight, she seems fully human, uncertainty turning her into something touchable. Percy can feel her muscles are tense in every spot they’re touching, and he finally recognizes her body language. She has nowhere else to turn. She’s cornered, and she hates it. Another crack in the illusion.
“I want to hire you. You’re a PI, are you not? And I have reason to believe my brother is planning to kill me.”
Malcolm Chase, the second in command of her organization and not without substantial power and a devoted following of his own. No wonder she didn’t feel as if she could turn to anyone closer. If her own brother might be plotting her assassination, who else might be helping his betrayal? 
“And why should I help you? You’re the leader of the mafia, and, if the rumors are to be believed, a cold-blooded murderer without anything that could even remotely be considered a heart.”
She sits off of him, tucking her pistol back into her waistband. Their hands are still connected by the metal circling them, and her pinky finger ghosts against his palm, too quickly for him to know if it was on purpose. He follows her lead, albeit a bit more slowly, and sits up. Annabeth’s gaze is pointed towards the darker corners of the room, as sharp as ever, but now he can see the desperation behind them.
“Because I’m asking you to. Because you’re the best in the business.”
The unspoken because I might die if you don’t hangs between them. The illusion shatters, and now he’s sitting beside someone knowable. Dangerous, yes, but human all the same.
“Fuck.” Percy reaches into his pocket and pulls out the key for the handcuffs, drawing Annabeth’s eyes back towards him. She looks as if she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, and he can’t tell if it’s an act. He can’t tell if that matters to him anymore. “I’ll help you. Now what?”
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oh-my-may · 4 years
Text
Tsukishima, Sakusa and Osamu having a childhood crush on older! reader
requested: If you're not bussy ☺️ please write Headcanon for, Tsukishima, sakusa, and Osamu who has a Crush on childhood friend Older!s/o (like 5 years apart) ☺️🥺 They propose the her once when they were little and she replay "I'll marry you, if you grow taller then me"  It just so cute in my head.. ☺️😊 How are they will reapproach them years later when they surpassing their s/o height 🥰 Love your work btw 💕💕 
This?? Is such a cute idea ckdksks MY HEART <<<<333 I hope I did it justice :D
Also Osamu’s one is waaayy longer than the other two I’m sorry I got lost halfway through :D
warnings: underage(??) drinking in Osamus part, though it’s not underage in my country lol
Tsukishima Kei:
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As children you guys were inseperable, your houses literally being on the other side of the street. The age difference between you never mattered when you guys were playing around.
You were as old as his brother and therefore you often came over to meet with hum, but Tsukki would always end up joining, especially after his brother started playing volleyball, you would always join in with Tsukishima.
Everything was great for a while, you would come over practically every day or they would visit you and then you would spend the rest of the day chilling and playing, until you and Akiteru got into Middle School and puberty hit you. Due to your age you were always a bit taller than Kei, but you grew even more.
Kei always had a crush on you, you being the only girl he only ever hung out with. You always talked to him about Dinosaurs or volleyball or music and he thought - since you shared most of his interests - why not propose? It made sense to 8 year old Kei. “Y/N... Would you marry me?”
You started to laugh and poor Kei got very confused. He was being serious about this. You saw his kinda shattered expression and froze, looking at him with a grin. You pet his head and said: “If you ever grow taller than me, then yes.”
And so the years passed, and gradually you spent less time with the Tsukishimas. You found a bunch of new friends in school that you regularly hung out with, and even though you still saw Akiteru in school and talked to him, walked home with him... You barely ever saw Kei. He seemed to grow a little more distant, he didn’t come to family gatherings anymore and rather just hung around in his room, listening to music. But frankly, you actually didn’t notice.
So eventually you graduate High School and live your life, though sometimes you still meet up with Akiteru to chat. And one day, he tells you about his younger brother. “Kei joined the volleyball club I was part of, remember? Little giant and all? Yeah, of course you do. And guess what - they actually made it to nationals! The first time since then!”
You are very surprised to hear this, though you’re glad and happy for Kei. What Akiteru suggests next though comes as a surprise to you. “I have plans for watching them as least once in Tokyo, wanna join?” And even though you haven’t seen Kei or spoken to him in quite some time, you say yes. And that’s how you end up in the Tokyo gym, swarmed by tall teenage boys and hundreds of guests. Akiteru drags you along with him through the crowd of people, determined to greet his younger brother before the game. And honestly? You feel a little excited to see Kei again, to see how he’s grown since his childhood.
You finally find the boys standing in front of a huge door that clearly leads to the inside of the gym. At first you don’t even notice, but when Akiteru calls his name a very tall, blonde boy turns around, looking startled. You’re a bit shocked to look into the face of the now 16 year old boy. He’s clearly grown since then.
Kei looks at his brother for a minute before his glance wanders over to the person he’s brought along - you. Suddenly his eyes widen a bit and his heart stops for a minute. He swears his entire life was flashing in front of his eyes - well, at least the part of his life he shared with you. All the moments you guys played as kids, runned around the backyard, talked, laughed... And now you were here? So many years after this?
“Y/N what are... what are you doing here?” The words tumble out of his mouth uncontrollably and theres a slight tint of pink appearing on his cheeks. “Ya, what’s that? Is Tsukishima flustered?” One of his team members come up beside him. He has a shaved head and tries to casually rest his elbow on Kei’s shoulder, but he fails. You notice how tall he has gotten - clearly taller than you. You have to laugh but also feel you skin heat up when you remember his question and your promise from 8 years ago.
“Why are you laughing now?” Kei seems a little helpless and confused, just like back then. It almost makes you laugh even harder. Does he even remember it? You softly place your hand on his arm, looking up into his face. His eyebrows are raised, they surpassed the lines of his glasses. “Kei...” you begin, but when you see how curious his brother and his members look at you, you lower your voice. “Remember when we were children... One day you asked me a very peculiar question and I answered with a promise.”
His head shoots up immediately and you see blood flushing his cheeks and ears in a violent red. His expression seems more than shocked and for a second he even chokes on his own breath. You grin, leaving him like that. “Rock the game, yeah? I don’t want to have travelled this far just to see you fail in the first round.” Kei is still frozen in the spot, though in the game hsi brother tells you how he seems even more focused and determined than before.
You may have teased Kei right there, but from then on you began hanging out with the Tsukishimas more, visiting them as often as you could when your career didn’t take over your life. And maybe, eventually, Kei asks you out after his graduation and this time you take it seriously and don’t make another promise.
Sakusa Kiyoomi:
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As children your grew up in the same neighbourhood and your parents would always take you to the same playground.
You noticed the young boy immediately - every now and then between playing in the sand he would go to his mother and she would clean his hands thoroughly with wipes and sanitizer. That got you interested very quickly. So you just walked over and sat down next to him and his mom, watching as they would repeat the same procedure over and over again, until you eventually ask: “Why are you doing this?”
And this little boy just looks up at you and starts explaining how he doesn’t like dirt and why you, too, should clean your hands like this. So you try and after you do, the boy drags you along across the yard saying how other kids don’t like playing with him because of his habits. You’re a bit taken aback by this - even though you’re older, you’re still gonna be friends with this younger boy. He’s like 6 or 7 at that time and from then on you met him on the playground almost every day. And every day, you’d go to his mom to clean your hands properly and then go play with “Omi-chan”, as you called him.
And Sakusa would honestly admire you, treasuring you as his closest friend. Even though he was younger and smaller than you, you accepted him and his habits and you still liked being around him. “Y/N... Will you marry me someday?” he bursts out one day, his big dark eyes looking up at you. And you take a second to look at his cute face - his round eyes, the curly hair, the snub nose, his soft cheeks. You grin and your hand moves from the top of his head to yours. “Maybe when you’ll grow taller than me.”
And so time went on, until you got to Middle School and then High School. You grew closer and when you were older you stopped hanging out at the playground and rather met at your houses, the only safe and clean places he trusts. You even adopt some of his habits, like cleaning your hands etc. You make it a whole ceremony to clean your rooms together before hanging out.
And even after you got into college you’d still find time for him. Calling him every now and then, watching some of his games and meeting up with him whenever you were home. And of course you notice him growing up, too. The way his hair grows a bit longer and hangs into his face, his sharper jawline, the shape of his eyes. And - his height. When he was 15 he finally surpassed your height, but you both had forgotten about your little conversation at this point.
Until your mom hosts a garden party and his family is invited, too. They make you both take a photo together and when Sakusas mom looks at it, she suddenly remembers and hands her son an older camera, a video waiting to be played on the screen. You both exchange a confused look before you press play and you see the two of you as children, thoroughly cleaning your hands, the playground in the background. Sakusa looks up at you and says “Will you marry me some day?” and that’s when Sakusa stops the video, his eyes a little widened and the tips of his ears painted in vibrant red. At first you’re a little confused, as you wanted to see what you responded to his question back then, but when you look at your friend you suddenly realize and giggle.
Sakusa thinks he’s about to sink into the ground because of embarrassement. He never thought about his feelings for you as a crush since he didn’t know better. He always thought all friends act and feel like this and over the years, as he realized he was actually in love with you, he couldn’t picture himself with someone else. You were so considerate, so accepting. Never once in your life did you think of him as weird, you never disrespected him or made fun of him. And after all, you were always the one accompanying him to events and he did the same for you. And when he looked at you now - all grown up, confident, pretty, your curious eyes scanning his face - he thought about how he was never brave enough to admit his feelings for you. Not like this. And certainly not in front of you.
“Y/N... I know this might come across as weird now, because we’ve known each other for so long, and I know you’re and adult now and I barely just graduated High School but... I want to show you that I’m not that little boy from the video anymore.” He gulps when he looks at your face, your eyes still looking at his, a slight smile on your lips.
You sigh and place your hands flatly on his jacket, over his chest. “But Omi-chan... I already now that. Although if that was your way of asking me out on a date, then take this as a yes.”
Miya Osamu:
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Your mom worked as freetime volleyball coach/trainer for children and sometimes you would accompany her, wanting to see what she was doing and also seeing a chance in getting to know new friends
So you’re casually in the small gym, watching as all the younger children throw around balls, laughing and chasing each other. You’re distracted, so you don’t see the ball flying straight into your face, causing you to stumble and fall. When you look back up, there’s a boy about 5 or 6 looking into your face, a curious expression on his face rather than a worried one. “Did that hurt?” He looks back up, his face turned to someone you can’t see. “Tsumu, I told you not to punch the ball like that!” What follows is a sequence of words you don’t understand, coming from the other end of the gym. You stand up on your own and follow his gaze. You rub your eyes as you see another boy standing there, looking just like the one next to you. A little irritated you look in between them a few times, before the one next to you dryly says: “That’s my twin brother, Atsumu. I’m Osamu by the way... And I’m sorry about the ball.” He points at your face, that frankly hurt a bit, it felt hot and will probably get red in the next minutes. Osamu turns to his brother again. “It was simply because my brother can’t handle the ball well!”, he shouts and his brother sticks out his tongue for it.
And so it began and you would join your mom more often from then on, watching the twins play volleyball and develop over time. They would always come up to you and ask who did better, who improved more etc... You were older than them after all, they trusted your judgement.
You would grow particularly fond of Osamu, since he was the one who seemed to care more for you, he was nicer to you and always come up to you in between practice sessions. At first he only asked about volleyball, if you play too or why not and so on, but when you came often he’d get more interested in you. And he was barely in Primary School, you were the only girl he knew closer and you were so... mature to him. He developed a cute little childhood crush on you. “Y/N, we should marry.”, he states one day. For a moment you’re a little surprised, but you laugh and squish his cheeks. “Maybe when you grow taller than me, Samu-chan~” you tease him.
And so it would go on for a while, years even. Throughout his Primary School years he’d always come to your moms little practice sessions together with his brother and at least one time a month you would hear the same question. “Will you marry me, Y/N?” and you would always answer the same. “If you ever grow taller than me, yes.” His brother very quickly notice his brothers behaviour and tease him. Sometime later, they were already in Middle School then, it’s Atsumu who approaches you. Of course you don’t notice, since they had the same hair back then. He even styled it like his brother, so there was no difference. Atsumu thought maybe, since he was a bit flirtier, he could settle something for his beloved twin. But he gets caught mid act and Osamu is furious. Let’s say this might or might not be the final reason why they color their hair different colors.
Over the years however, even though Osamus crush on you stays, he doesn’t ask you the question anymore. During puberty he gets way too embarrassed over all his past actions towards you, especially since you were older. You literally had a boyfriend, and yet his 11 year old self still asked. His toe nails were starting to curl just when he thought about it.
He never forgets, though. But even when he does eventually grow taller than you in his first year in High School, he still doesn’t say a thing. Of course he doesn’t, you’re in college at that point and probably already made out with so many guys... His blood was boiling just thinking of it, even though he knew he was being unreasonable and childish.
On the twins 18th birthday, they throw a big party. And of course you’re invited, you’re basically their oldest friend and have followed their “career” since the beginning. Both the twins are stupid drunk in no time and you sit down with Osamu after a wild round of beer pong. He’s completely out of it, his words almost incoherent but they still make sense. You literally heave him onto the couch and sit down next to him, still laughing. For a moment it’s just the two of you, him a lot more drunk than you, the music blaring in the background, lost in your thoughts. Until Osamu speaks up, the alcohol getting the best of him.
“You know how... When we were children... Well no, when I was a child... I’d always ask you stupid questions??” he goes, one index finger raised as he explains. The alcohol in your blood and getting to your brain makes you laugh at it. He still looks at you expectantly though, like he’s waiting for your answer. So you nod. “You always asked me if we would marry one day. Like... A lot. 10 times a year or so.” He nods exaggerated. “Yessss, and you’d always, ALWAYS, say, that you’d do it when... When I get taller than you.” That’s when he pushes himself up from the couch with big effort and looks at you, a dark expression on his face. He stays like that for a while, his face neutral but his eyes determined. Until he literally falls on top of you, the alcohol making him stumble around. You giggle, and Osamu apologizes a hundred times, though he likes the feeling of your arms magically wrapping around him. It’s like a reflex of yours, you couldn’t stop yourself. “You alright?”, you ask quietly. Your faces are barely inches away from each other and he still has this certain look in his eyes, that almost makes you shiver. You always thought of Osamu as a younger brother, but ever since he got into High School and he grew taller and muscular, but also his demeanor maturing, you sometimes caught your mind wandering off... Like now. He makes a vague face before he just leans in and presses his lips to yours, capturing them in a really sloppy drunk kiss. But it’s fine, you both enjoy it. When he leans back, a smug smile traces lips. “Now I’m alright. More than that, even.”
You drunkenly make out for quite some time that night, Atsumu filming some of that in the same state as you, just so he can show his brother what he accomplished. Eventually you both pass out on the couch and when you wake up it’s a little awkward at first, until you nudge him and say that you’ll give him a chance, now that he was an adult and taller than you.
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fruityjeonghyo · 3 years
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can we get samo fluff moment where momo don't show her soft side to sana when there's people around so when sana was being clingy or touchy with her, she scolded sana and that makes sana sad. and momo rushing to find her and apologise. thankyouu!
i’m going to combine these two if y’all don’t mind:
hey could you write angst/fluff with samo please? maybe sana distancing herself from momo after seeing her more comfortable with others but her. and momo notice it when sana starts to get closer to tzuyu and jeongie. and lastly momo make it up to her (as is spoiling her with hug, food, kisses and tummy rubs🥺)
i changed the whole plot a little bit, hope it’s still worth it. enjoy!! :]
sana and momo had been inseparable since they first met for their audition at the company, they did everything together and would never leave each other’s side. but things started to change a few years later, momo wasn’t as fond of sana’s skinship as the latter thought she was, and sana had started being more clingy everytime she felt homesick. they were still the bestest of friends, telling each other everything and trusting the other with their deepest secrets, but it didn’t feel the same anymore.
sana finally realized all of this when one day she saw momo and jeongyeon cuddling on the couch while watching a movie, she thought it would be great to join them and spend some time with the two girls. she sat on the couch and rested her head on momo’s shoulders as she always used to do back in their trainee days, but momo shrugged her off, telling her she didn’t like it and that she was being just too affectionate for her liking. that was the day sana understood her best friend didn’t want her near, that she didn’t need her hugs like she did back when they felt alone in a new country, without their parents to hold them.
momo didn’t mean to hurt sana at all, sometimes she didn’t feel like hugging her friend because they usually do it all the time, and she felt like it was just too repetitive. she liked hugging jeongyeon, her roomate, or maybe the girls who were younger than her. she felt calm at that moment, but with sana that didn’t happen, she just felt obligated to respond to a hug and she didn’t like it one bit. she loved her though, she loved her best friend more than anyone in the whole world, if she had to describe what a soulmate is she would always talk about sana. but sana couldn’t feel it that way, she felt alone and left out, it hurt like a kick in the gut.
it happened on a friday night, the nine girls were watching a movie, sharing some snacks and having a good time when momo started laughing while leaning on dahyun’s shoulder, like sana used to do with her. it felt like someone just grabbed sana’s heart and squeezed it until it exploded, she felt betrayed, she felt unloved and insecure. maybe it wasn’t the best idea to join them both on the couch and lean on momo’s shoulder while she was distracted, but she wasn’t expecting the latter to react so harshly.
“ugh sana can you please get off me? you’re being annoying” it took less than a second for momo to regret her words, going to grab sana’s wrist to stop her from leaving but it was too late.
sana felt awful, she ran upstairs and locked herself in her room. she couldn’t help but sob uncontrollably as she curled herself on her bed, covering her body with the blanket momo gave her on valentine’s day. it all felt like a nightmare, a horrible nightmare where momo hated her and didn’t want her as a friend anymore. the girls didn’t know how to react, the only one glaring at momo was jeongyeon, silently scolding her for being so rude to sana when she didn’t do nothing wrong. momo decided she needed to apologize as soon as possible so she went upstairs and knocked at sana’s door. the sobs coming from inside the room making her own tears fall.
“sana?” momo asked tearfully “please open the door..”
sana started sobbing harder, hearing momo’s voice didn’t help with the pain she was feeling in her heart. she wanted to disappear, to never bother momo or any of the girls ever again with her clinginess. but the knocks didn’t stop, sana knew she had to give momo a response in order to be left alone just like she wanted.
“i won’t, please go away momo”
“i will stay here until you open the door, please sana i want to talk”
sana scoffed at that. she wanted to talk? after acting like a teenager who didn’t want her mom to give her a kiss in front of her friends? sana felt angry. she was angry and upset, she was hurting and feeling alone without momo by her side. she got up and walked to the door to unlock it, even if it hurt she needed to hear what momo had to say, if she didn’t want to be her friend anymore or if she hated her. she needed to hear everything.
momo walked in slowly, her heart breaking at the sight of sana curled up in bed, her eyes puffy from how hard she had been sobbing. she felt guilty, she didn’t mean for anything like this to happen, she thought sana would understand why momo needed some personal space. but she fucked up, she really did.
“can we talk?” momo said almost in a whisper, scared that if she talked a little bit louder the other girl would start crying again. sana shrugged, turning around and facing the wall as she tried to fight back her tears.
“listen sana i..” momo trailed off, trying to think of her choice of words “i didn’t mean what i said. i- i was just stupid, and i know i haven’t been accepting your hugs like before but..”
“but i’m just too annoying, aren’t i?” sana laughed but it was devoid of humor.
“no you aren’t, it’s just that-”
“that what? that you think since you’re so grown up now you don’t want to hug me anymore? that i’m so annoying you don’t even want me near you while we’re at the dorm? that you got tired of me so you thought the best way to deal with things was to replace me with the younger members? is that it?” sana was screaming at this point, sitting on the bed while trying to catch her breath. bloodshot eyes were staring at momo, and she felt like the worst person ever.
“sana i..”
“why do you hate me momo? why?” sana started sobbing again “wh-what did i do to you? i tried b-being a good friend, i gave you everything f-from the bottom of my heart and i know that i c-can be clingy and just clumsy at times b-but you promised that you liked me that way…” sana said, choking on her words as she remembered the promise both of them made years ago “did you l-lie to me?”
momo didn’t realize she had started crying too, her heart shattering in a million pieces as she let sana’s words sink in. so she did what she hadn't done for months, she leaned forward and engulfed sana in a hug, the latter’s tears soaking her shirt in the process but it didn’t matter. she wanted to comfort sana, to let her know she was there, that she didn’t mean to be such a bad friend to her.
“sana i love you, i always will” momo teared up as she talked “i’m so so sorry satang, i’ve been acting so rude and you don’t deserve it at all”
sana’s cries didn’t stop, but she felt a little bit relieved. she didn’t want momo to notice that though, she tried to squirm away from the hug but couldn’t. momo needed this as much as sana did, she loved sana’s hugs but only on special occasions when she was feeling lonely or sad. she knew she had to explain that to the other girl in order to fix this, to make everything normal again.
“i just.. i like your hugs but only if it’s because something special happened or because you are happy, or if i’m sad i love getting one of your hugs too” momo said while leaning her head on top of sana’s. “i would like it if you could.. ask before hugging me?”
sana looked at her with her wide teary eyes, trying to understand everything momo was saying. momo didn’t hate her, and she actually liked her hugs. what momo didn’t like though was when sana would abruptly cling onto her without a warning, it didn’t have the same effect on her and it felt weird and tiring. sana could finally put all the pieces together.
“i’ll try to ask before i hug you, momoring” sana said, her voice hoarse but gentle nonetheless. “i promise i’ll do my best”
momo smiled and hugged sana even tighter, guiding them to lay down since it was late already. they’ve been talking for such a long time they didn’t realize it was almost 2 in the morning. they got under the sheets and blanket and held each other close, momo caressing sana’s hair gently, taking her time to soothe her friend. then she began rubbing sana’s tummy just like she knew the other girl liked it, earning a little giggle from the latter. they stayed like that for a few minutes until they felt themselves falling asleep.
“i love you, momoring” sana said, a little smile plastered on her face as her eyes fluttered closed. momo looked at her with pure adoration, relieved that they could talk it out and go back to their normal lives. she loved her best friend and she couldn’t even imagine her life without her, without her hugs and sloppy kisses when she gets a little bit too excited. she had promised she liked sana that way, and it wasn’t a lie. momo loved sana.
“i love you too, satang”
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mingiswow · 3 years
Text
Missing you | Ahn Hyejin
Pairing: gender-neutral reader x Hwasa
Genre: Angst, Fluff
Words: + 1k
⚠ English is not my native language, so pardon me if there's any mistake. And you can always tell me what's wrong.
⚠ Also, I don't even know how people text in English lol so sorry if it sounds ridiculous
Request: helloooo!!! im back to request another mamamoo x reader fic if thats alright with you since i loveeee ur writing🙃 This time may it be a idol!hwasa x bestfriend!reader? Could you make the beginning angsty due to the reader moving far unexpectedly/in a short amount of time which makes hwasa angry, and they leave messily or on bad terms? ~time skip~ The reader comes back permanently unannounced and surprises hwasa, and they finally feel that they no longer want to be "just friends" and possibly kisssssss or just have a super sweet/fluffy ending???
Sorry it took me so long anon but I hope you enjoy 💖
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You couldn’t sleep the whole flight, your nerves getting the best of you. It has been months since you left Seoul to fulfill your dream to study abroad.
It has been months since you last spoke to her.
“what do you mean Europe?” you knew you should have told her earlier. Her, your best friend among everyone. The woman you unfortunately loved. “You’re going to another continent for months and you decided to tell me two days prior?” you could tell Hwasa was angry but could you blame yourself? If you had told her since you got the news she would want to spend even more time with you. Be the last days with you. And that would only make your heart ache even more.
“I wanted to tell you before but…” the voice got stuck in your dry throat, you had no valid excuse except for the fact that you loved her and leaving her behind would hurt you.
“I thought we were best friends Y/N…”
“We are! Hyejin please don’t do that. I know I was wrong for not telling you earlier, but I was afraid. Please understand me” you took a step closer. She took a step back.
You could feel your heart shatter in your chest, she was angry, and she had the right to be.
“Afraid of what? Hurting me?” you nodded, not caring to hold the tears anymore. “I got news for you Y/N, you already did”.
Those were the last words she ever said to you. And to be honest, it couldn't hurt any more.
Your phone started to buzz by your side, Wheein, her childhood best friend and also your friend, was the one sending you messages.
After you left Hyejin hasn’t spoken to you at all, avoiding your messages and calls. You gave up after a while, going to her friend to get some news about her.
📲 I’m already at the airport waiting for you.
Thx for picking me up
📲 no worries babe
📲 I'll take you to my house first, ok? So you can take a shower and rest
📲 I prepared some food too
awn ur the best ❤
thank u for taking care of me
You heard one of the cabin crew women announce the landing and within less than an hour you were stepping into Seoul's lands after months.
You searched through the crowd of people at the place looking for the familiar face, which you found holding a lovely poster with the words “welcome home cheater” and Moonbyul by her side. You ran to them, hugging their bodies tight and crying.
“I can believe you’re finally here!” the youngest told you with a smile, holding your shoulders and looking at you like a mother. “You’ve changed… but for the good. You look amazing”
“You mean tired” you joked with her, you probably looked like trash after hours inside a plane.
“Just a few bags under the eyes but nothing like a nice and warm shower won’t help” the eldest smiled, helping you with your bags. “welcome back kiddo”
The three of you grabbed your stuff and headed to Wheein’s house. The ride was fun, the girls were filling you with questions and more questions about the country you were in, the people, the culture, they sounded like little kids and it helped you get your mind out of Hyejin.
“Go take a shower first, then come to the kitchen” the singer said as soon as you arrived at her place. Nodding and thanking her once again you headed to the well-known guest room where you used to crash when you went to parties together or when you got too drunk to go back to your apartment.
You let the warm water hit your head and shoulder, releasing some of the tension held there. You knew that, at some point, you would have to confront her, to talk to her, but you were too afraid she wouldn’t want to even after all these months. After all, she never answered your messages.
After drying your hair and putting on some comfortable clothes, you headed to the kitchen, distracted by your phone. “Tell me you made me s-”
“Hi” you stopped in your tracks and words when you saw her in front of you, standing in the middle of the room.
“Hi” came as a whisper, your heart beating louder than your actual words.
“I think I owe you an apology” you shook your head, denying. “No, I do. I was so childish for not understanding you and for not answering you all this time”
“I-it’s ok” you managed to get out before clearing your throat. “I was very stupid for not telling you before. I… I was afraid to tell you”
“Why?” you looked at her, your eyes always looking at the ground the whole time. “Why were you afraid to tell me you were finally fulfilling your dream to study abroad” the woman took a step closer to you. You didn’t move.
You didn’t know what to say or how to say anything without spilling your true feelings. “You know… While you were away I took some time for myself, to think about everything”
“It was good?”
“Yes. I realized a few things” you nodded, a sign for her to keep talking. She took two steps closer to you. “I realized that I got sad because I couldn’t spend your last days with you properly like you deserved. That I felt betrayed and unworthy of your trust. Did you not trust me? Wasn’t I your best friend?” Hwasa took a deep breath, getting right in front of you. So pretty. So close. “But then I realized I wasn’t your best friend. I would never be… because you don’t see me like it. And that’s ok because the most important thing I realized is that I don’t see you as mine either”.
Your mind was racing, traveling all over without knowing what to think or what to tell. What was she trying to say? It was what you thought it was?
Before you could say anything, her hands held your face in place so she could touch your lips with her soft ones. It felt like you were on cloud nine, in some kind of fantasy movie or even a dream, and if so, you didn’t want to wake up.
She broke the kiss, a smile on her lips that were touching yours seconds ago “I don’t see you as my best friend because I like you more than that. And I’m sorry I was such a bitch with you and letting you wait”
“Don’t worry. It was definitely worth it” it was your turn to kiss her, this time enjoying, even more, the touch of her skin on yours. “By the way, I like you more than a friend too”
“You owe me five bottles of soju. I told you they were in love” you heard Wheein screaming at the kitchen with Moonbyul, making you two laugh before sharing another kiss.
Being away for a while wasn’t so bad after all.
Requests are open (even tho it might take me some time to answer lol)
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iiwontgiveuponmilkk · 4 years
Text
Prison World
Kai Parker x reader
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*not my gif
A/n: Soulmate au. I got this idea from two fanfics I read. Currently unedited with a horrible summary :/
Summary: Y/n can’t control her magic and with her link to Kai it doesn’t take long for the Gemini coven to find her
Word count: 2259
Warnings: none?
*1994*
Y/n never quite understood the tattoo that magically appeared on her rib cage. Just under her breast was the Gemini symbol and the initials MP in oddly neat writing. It was the mark of her soulmate. The tiny marking made her oddly curious. It wasn’t unusual for supernatural beings to have a soulmate mark. In fact, only the supernatural beings got them, but they rarely showed up at the age she received hers. She was only fifteen when it burned itself into her skin. That night was also the first night she discovered that her magic was beyond her control. The loss of her grandmother nearly flooded Mystic Falls. Twice. So of course, it didn’t take long for the Gemini coven to find her in 1994. The coven had discovered Malachai’s mark before sending him to his personal prison world. All they had to do was wait for another cosmic event to send the twenty year old into the prison world as well. 
Arriving in the prison world felt like she had been sent to hell. Y/n was all alone, and incredibly confused. She searched for hours to find someone. She even went home, but no one was there. Y/n had no idea what was happening. Was she dead? Mystic Falls was completely empty. It was just her, all alone. Y/n was so confused and slowly starting to panic. She searched the house, trying to figure out what had happened. When she entered the kitchen, her attention was immediately drawn to the cup of coffee and the morning paper on the table. Her dad always read the paper before work in the morning. She picked up the paper. May 10th. This paper was over a week old. How could she be here? She began to read through the paper. There would be an eclipse today. She looked up at the clock. It was in exactly two hours. 
*1997*
Living in this world was, well, it was hell. Y/n had spent three years alone. At first, she spent her time trying to figure out why this place had been created, who it was for, and why she was here. She had two leads. One in Mystic Falls. Another in Portland. She spent a lot of time in Mystic Falls. Partially to investigate what happened at the Salvatore boarding house, and partially so she could be close to the only thing she had left. Her family home. But eventually she convinced herself to go to Portland. She was terrified of what, or rather who, she might find there. A part of her knew she would find him there the second she connected the dots. Parker family. Portland, Oregon. Massacre. Her mark.  This world had been created by the gemini coven for Joshua’s son. Malachai Parker, her soulmate. That’s why she was here. Her soulmate had killed four of his siblings. Her soulmate mark had gotten her into this hell. She was stuck here to make sure he could never access the real world.
 Y/n had packed her things and was off to Bell’s for snacks. Then it was off to Portland. She found herself racing across the country in a blue camaro, courtesy of a Bell’s customer who left the keys on the dash. She had a road map with her. She had carefully marked the easiest route from Mystic Falls to Portland. Yet she always found herself lost. Y/n kept missing her exits as her mind raced with what was going to happen to her. What would he do to her? He couldn’t kill her. Well, he could, but she would come back when the world reset. She was worried what he could do if he had magic. If he was stronger than her, she wouldn’t be able to stop him. Her four day road trip ended up taking her twice as long. She couldn’t count the number of times she had gotten lost. When she finally arrived in Portland, she pulled into the first gas station she saw. There had to be a map of the town, or at least just the state. She dug through the maps until she found what she was looking for. She began setting up to do a locator spell. She was pulling candles out of her bag when she froze at the sound of the door opening and the bell above it jingling. She slowly stood up, turning to face Malachai. 
“Hi. I’m Kai. I’m a sociopath.” The man smirked at her.
____
When y/n woke up, she was terrified, but nothing was happening. Her magic was gone. She had no idea where she was. The room she was in looked like it belonged to a teenage boy. Y/n turned her attention to herself. Her hair was still wet, but she was in dry clothes. She panicked looking down at the shirt she was wearing. It wasn’t hers, and neither were the sweatpants she was wearing. Had that man changed her clothes? Why did he take her magic? And what did he want with her? Her head was spinning. She had to get out of here. She quietly shuffled to the window and opened it. She tried to pop the screen out, but she had been spelled in. Her heart felt like it was in her throat with how hard it was beating. She slowly made her way to the door, finding that it was unlocked. She was hoping that she hadn’t been spelled into the room, and luckily she hadn’t. But that meant she was spelled into the house, and she didn’t have her magic. She slowly moved through the house, trying her best not to make any noise. She was almost down the stairs when the next step loudly creaked. Her breath caught in her throat as she heard footsteps approaching. “G-get away.” She stuttered out. Y/n felt hopeless without her magic. Kai stopped in his tracks, looking at her. He almost found her state comical. He knew he wouldn’t have stopped if he hadn’t seen her soulmate mark. His initials. His handwriting. His “coven”. He put his hands up, sighing almost as if he was annoyed by her behaviour. Y/n stared at this man, her voice caught in her throat. Neither of them moved for what seemed like hours. Finally she spoke up. “Why did you take my magic?” Her voice was quiet and still seemed panicked. “Well, you see, I don’t have any magic of my own. And you seemed to be bursting with it so I thought I’d take some. I know, what an abomination.” He rolled his eyes, but then continued. “Your magic will be back before you know it. You’ll be all juiced up after you rest.” Kai seemed to be bored with her. “You know, I was going to keep you here as a little magic battery, but then i saw your little mark and I had to laugh.” He chuckled, his eyes never leaving her. Y/n felt like she was frozen in place. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t speak. “The universe is so funny. Of course my soulmate would be someone who is overflowing with magic when I don’t have any of my own. And of course my coven would send you here. God, how dumb could they be.”
*2003*
Y/n had come to know Kai in ways that she didn’t think she could. She knew what he had done to his family. He was sent here to be punished for his crimes. She was sent here due to their soulmate mark and bond. She didn’t think she could grow to trust the monster she had met in 1997. She didn’t think she could ever think of him as anything but a monster, but here they were. Kai was making Christmas dinner with her sitting on the counter, and definitely in his way, but he wouldn’t tell her that. Over the past six years, y/n had learned of Kai’s past. How his family treated him for being a siphon, something out of his control. How he was seen and treated as an abomination. How he wasn’t allowed to touch anyone for his entire life. Her heart almost aches for him. A part of her could understand him, but another part, in the back of her head, clung to the fact he had done atrocious and unspeakable things. Yet she still found herself climbing into his bed when she couldn’t sleep, holding his hand when she was starting to lose control, and even almost kissing him on multiple occasions. “You know, I’m starving.” She spoke up, looking up from her book. The aroma in the kitchen was causing her to salivate. “Dinner will be done in thirty minutes. Please don’t get hangry. I’ll have to restart the whole meal if you bring this house down on us.” He joked, causing her to glare at him.
Y/n laughed at the sight before her. Kai asked if he could “borrow” some of her magic to do the dishes. She agreed, knowing it would at least be amusing to watch. And it was. It was also an absolute mess. Kai had dropped multiple dishes, shattering them. Only uttering a small “oops” each time before trying to concentrate on his task. He loved hearing her laugh, and as much as he hated to admit it, he loved being around her. He wasn’t sure why his coven had sent her here, he knew it wasn’t for him. They probably thought locking her away was the only way to make sure he never got out. He stopped wondering why she was here two years ago. That was the first time that he opened up to her. He had chosen to basically ignore her for a long time, but she almost brought a house down on them with an earthquake, crying that she felt so alone and just wished she was dead. He tried to blame the mark for how he felt about her after he started to grow close to her, but he knew that wasn’t true. Some people live their entire lives without finding their soulmate. Some supernatural beings never even got one. Some got them after being alive for three hundred years. It wasn’t the mark, but he just wanted something to blame for these feelings he was having. Kai could barely believe someone could know what he was and not think he was an abomination. But there she was, laughing as he failed at washing dishes with magic.
“You know, I got you something for Christmas.” Y/n mumbled, pressed to his side and wrapped in a blanket with him. They were sitting outside, star gazing. Y/n had wanted to sit outside and look at the stars every Christmas night. Last year, she finally told Kai that her and her parents used to do this every Christmas after everyone had finally left to go home. “I thought you said no presents?” He asked, lightly squeezing her to his side. “We both know what I said and what I meant are two different things.” She laughed, pulling herself away from him. She reached into her sweater pocket, handing him a small box that was delicately wrapped in red paper with green ribbon and a bow. Kai took it from her, opening it carefully. She watched him, almost impatiently. He could tell; the closer they got, the stronger their bond seemed to be. He opened the small decorative box to find a black velvet ring box. He smirked, cracking the box open. There was a silver ring with a hollowed line around the band. “Are you asking me to marry you?” He asked, making her laugh. “Oh god, Kai. It’s a present, not a marriage proposal. Besides that’s your job.” Y/n rolled her eyes, glaring at Kai in a playful way. He laughed and slipped it onto his middle finger before he reached into the pocket of his jeans. “I didn’t wrap it, but I did get you something.” He told her as he pulled a delicate necklace out of his pocket. He put the necklace on her without giving her a chance to look at it. He brushed her hair out from under the chain as she picked the pendant up off her chest, admiring it. There was a (f/c) gemstone in the middle surrounded by an elegant halo of diamonds. It was small, but beautifully full of detail. “Thank you.” Y/n whispered.
*2007*
“Malachai Parker! If you’re joking right now, I will kill you.” Y/n said, staring down at Kai who was down on one knee, holding a ring in his hand. “I’m not, y/n! God! Will you marry me or not?!” She could feel how nervous he was. His energy seemed to be pulsing through her, almost making her nervous. “Stop being so nervous. Of course I will.” She laughed as he jumped to his feet, planting his lips on hers, and kissing her hard. When they finally pulled away for air, Kai rested his forehead against hers before grabbing her hand. He slid the ring onto her ring finger before kissing her again.
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chilling-seavey · 3 years
Text
Qui Totum Vult Totum Perdit (d.s.) - 11
A/N An absolution 
Warnings: This story is centered around a murder so there will be graphic descriptions of blood, death/manslaughter, dealing with corpses, possible domestic abuse (physical/verbal), crime/covering up a crime, shock/grief, and other possibly heavy or triggering topics. Please read at your own discretion.
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The sun was setting over the hills as I drove Jonah and myself out of Los Angeles and towards the desert. It was already getting later in the day so we decided to take the route through Palm Springs to stay there for the night and then make the straight shot to our shared ski lodge in Utah early the next morning.
Our drive was reasonably quiet, Jonah had connected his phone and was playing music quiet through the Bluetooth speakers in the car but neither of us were really focussed on the songs. That was a first, honestly.
I was too busy in my own mind; two Advil deep and still sporting a persistent headache while trying to piece together the events of the day. It had been both the fastest and longest day of my life. Did everyone always have it out for Avalon or was I just disgustingly dense? The way my brother spoke about her made me sick and the way Zach left our conversation with that sly dig made my blood boil. Avalon and I may have argued a lot but she was still my wife and I was supposed to protect her.
Right?
I’d be a complete asshole if I didn’t follow through with the one thing I swore to do in front of a whole congregation of our family and friends ‘til death do us part.
Goddammit.
It was dark by the time we pulled up to the resort in Palm Springs and the desert mountains were smudged into the starry sky in hues of black and dark blues. The city seemed quiet as if nightlife was non-existent. Normally, Jonah and I would complain about that – always ones to thrive off good nightlife, especially on a vacation – but right now, the quiet was perfectly ideal.
The sign out front of the resort read Riviera in curling letters and was lit from two spotlights on the grass below if beckoning us towards it. The parking lot didn’t seem too crowded, so we figured it was a safe place to stay. I parked the car near the entrance and pulled out a bit of the cash from the glovebox before we stepped out into the humid air.
Palm Springs felt far stickier than Los Angeles despite only being a two-hour drive away and I tugged haphazardly at the front of my black t-shirt to try and cool myself down a little as we headed for the doors. The burst of air conditioning that tumbled out of the building when the sliding glass doors opened for us was such a relief, even if our walk from the car hadn’t been that far. The lady behind the desk welcomed us with a smile and chipper hello and Jonah and I shuffled over quietly.
“We’re looking for a room for tonight. Two double beds preferably.” I said, keeping my voice down.
Being quiet felt necessary, even in the near empty lobby at the mere hour of 7:30pm.
The young lady typed away into her computer, her calm smile making me feel only more on edge than I already was. What was there to smile about? I drummed my fingers impatiently on the front desk and glanced back through the large windows to the direction of my car.
Her voice brought me back around, “We have a room available for you! It will be $185 for one night. Two double beds. Is a view of the pool alright with you?”
“Yeah.” I answered quickly. Pool, mountain, who gave a fuck. Honestly, dear reader, I never knew how much people can annoy me until I didn’t want to be around them.
“What’s the name for the booking?” she asked, glancing between Jonah and me expectantly.
“Seavey.” I answered and she typed it into her computer.
I figured since I told Christian we were going on a road trip it would only make sense to use my honest name if anyone came after us. God, I hoped no one would come after us.
I paid in full in cash – much to her surprise but she didn’t argue – and she passed us each a swipe key to our room.
“248. Second floor right past the pool on the other side.”
“Is there a Tesla charging station around here?” I asked.
“You’ll see it across the lot. Closer to the middle entrance doors!”
The hotel was built in a circular shape with the pool in the open courtyard centre and the two storeys of rooms in a pinwheel around it. Our room was at the far end of the building from the lobby and I drove my car down to the Tesla charging stations by the centre entrance to plug it in while Jonah pulled our bags from the backseat.
“What are we going to do with…the case in the trunk?” he asked me softly.
The quiet desert night made for ease of eavesdropping. Who could one trust at a time like that?
“The ice should keep it.” I whispered.
We opened the trunk and Jonah stood close to me for privacy as I unclipped the case and opened the top. The southern California heat had melted most of the ice on the drive and Jonah and I sighed in unison.
“Can’t keep her out here in this humidity.” Jonah whispered.
“I know.” I closed the equipment case and locked the clips again, “Bring her in with us then. It’ll be safer anyway.”
Jonah and I each draped our own bags over our shoulders and then each took a side of the case to lift it out of the trunk and onto the pavement. It was much heavier with the bags of melted ice and we found ourselves staggering a little down the hotel hallway with the weight of it. Of course we had to be on the second floor meaning we had to wait for the elevator.
Have you ever waited for the slowest elevator in the country with a dead body in your suitcase in the wide open? Didn’t think so. It is probably the most torturous thing one could experience. Or…one of the most torturous things one could experience.
I wonder if Avalon suffered.
The room was, of course, the lightest colours possible; the walls painted a light blue and the furniture and sheets all a crisp white. Jonah and I set the equipment trunk on the light brown carpet between us once we stepped inside and we took a second to look around the perfectly clean room. Where was there a place to put a bloody body that wouldn’t raise suspicions from housekeeping the following day?
Jonah peeked into the washroom that was directly to our left and he flicked on the light. The white tile floor was lit by warm pot lights along the ceiling and framed with white walls and a wood toned accent wall behind the dual vanity. The stand-alone tub was against the far wall and sat empty and perfectly clean.
We exchanged silent glances before letting the hotel room door close behind us and we lifted the equipment case into the ensuite. With equal soft huffs, we set it down on the tile and I unclipped the lid to open it up. Each melted ice bag was drained down the tub and the plastic packaging was left on the tile while we situated ourselves on either side of the case. I slid my hands under Avalon’s arms and directed Jonah to take her ankles and we lifted her up together and carefully set her in the tub. She was getting stiff so we tried to keep her in the same position we needed to put her back in the case come morning.
Jonah stuffed the empty ice bags into the bottom of the equipment case with the stained towel from home and he pulled it out of the bathroom and into the corner of the main room to keep it out of the way. I sat on the side of the tub and silently eyed the body of my wife that was lain in front of me. She seemed paler than when we left home and I sat there, afraid to touch her like she was stranger again.
“I’m going to grab some ice from the machine down the hall, okay?” Jonah said.
I glanced over at him and simply nodded before turning back to Avalon.
“Are you alright here?” he questioned.
I nodded again.
He hesitated in the doorway but left the room anyway.  
I felt numb when I first found her and I felt numb staring at her now, only hours apart but at the same time it felt like months. My God; my heart hurt.
I got up from the side of the tub and went back into the main room to where my laptop case was left on one of the beds. My hoodie and jeans were still inside it and I pulled out my sweater to take back into the ensuite. I carefully slid Avalon’s arms in it and then tucked it over her head and down her torso before resting her back against the side of the porcelain tub. The light bloody handprint over the chest was easier to look at than the gash across her neck and the completely dark red colour of her clothes. She looked nicer in my clothes anyway.
I sat back on the side of the tub and let my eyes study her face again. She was staring at the wall with that eery blank expression and I carefully reached over to close her eyelids. She looked like she was sleeping. I liked to think that’s what she was doing anyway…seemed to feel a little easier that way.
I let out a soft breath and reached my hand down to brush my fingers over hers, feeling the coolness of her once warm skin. She was unfamiliar now but, at the same time, still nothing less than the supposed love of my life. I ran my thumb over her knuckles and across the diamond ring on her left hand.
The glass fell and shattered on the kitchen floor between us, silencing our screaming match except for our heavy breaths and Avalon’s sniffled tears.
I sighed at the realization that the whole confrontation went on too far and I tried to reach for her, but she pulled her hand back and moved away from me, “Aves.”
“Don’t.” she snapped.
“Avalon, I’m sorry, I-”
“Sorry doesn’t fix everything.” she retorted sharply, yet I could hear the exhaustion in her voice. “I’m sleeping in the studio tonight.”
I swallowed thickly and nodded, glancing to the ground with a heavy heart, the pieces of broken glass shimmering in the kitchen light between us. She went to step around me but I instinctively reached out a hand to her to keep her back from accidently stepping on any broken glass, “Careful.”
“God, Daniel.” she huffed, “Please don’t.”
I didn’t make a move to stop her as she walked around me to storm across the living room and to the back door. She didn’t look back as she opened the sliding glass door and slipped out into the darkness that the falling night brought. I watched her disappear out of the house and into the backyard, her form fading from view like she had been a figment of my imagination the whole time, the cruelest most perfect kind of dream.
Oh, how I loved her. And I was so, so stupid.
I swallowed back my tears of realization as the pieces of the night came clearer to me. How I let her leave to the studio so easily, our last words spat in hatred, and how I could never truly apologize for not being the husband she wanted and deserved. I was too much of a coward and she was too good for me.
My tears came suddenly, breaking my breath in my chest with a shutter and I clenched my jaw to try and keep myself somewhat composed as the grief washed over me in heavy unbearable waves. I clutched her hand in mine and brought it up to my lips to press a soft kiss to her cold skin through my tears.
“I’m so sorry.” I whispered shakily to her, only hoping somehow she could hear me. Wherever she was. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
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Detective Team: @jonahlovescoffee​ @randomlimelightxxx​ @stuffofseaveyy​ @hopinglimelight​ @tempus-ut-luceant​ @br4nd1s​ @xkelsev​ @hiya-its-amber​ @sexyseavey15​ @the-girl-who-cried-wolf​
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creambunnie · 3 years
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Once Again📖
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ONEWE - Kanghyun x Y/N (angst)
enjoy!
From : Kang Pingu 🐧
- if you are done taking pictures with your family and friends, meet me in the classroom for a bit♡ -
you grinned when you received his message and excused yourself from your parents and friends before heading towards the classroom of the last year of your highschool life.
it was finally your graduation day and Hyungu planned to celebrate together after celebrating with your families respectively.
you arrived at the classroom but no one was there. you pouted and decided to wait by sitting on one of the desks. you scanned the classroom for the last time, absorbing every single detail of the place where you created bittersweet memories with your classmates. it was also the place where Hyungu confessed about his feelings to you.
you smiled widely as you recalled his bold yet funny confession. he put up a brave front but was actually so nervous that when you responded back to his feelings, he fell down because his knees got weak. your friends were quite worried when they heard you started dating Hyungu. well, Hyungu did not really have a good reputation, among the students and the teachers.
but you ensured your friends that you would be careful and that you were sure Hyungu was serious about your relationship.
you snapped out of your thoughts and decided to wait for Hyungu at the door. you peeked out to see if your boyfriend was already on his way to the classroom, but instead, a couple caught your eyes.
they were at the staircase, the girl was backfacing you so you did not see her face. the boy's head was also tilted to the side so his face was blocked too.
"oooh, a new couple? but really? at the stairs? i wonder who that guy is, he looks super familiar." you thought and was about to give the 'couple' their private space when the boy straightened up, revealing none other than Kang Hyungu. he smiled at the girl and stayed for a while as the girl patted his head before walking down the stairs towards your classroom.
you blinked a few times as you tried to process what you just witnessed. you felt your heart squeezed in pain as tears started flowing down your cheeks.
"did... did i just jinxed myself?". you mumbled to yourself. you quickly took your bag and wanted to leave quickly but Hyungu was faster.
he opened the door with a big smile but it quickly turned into worry when he saw you crying. "babe? what happened?". he asked softly as he approached you.
you avoided him and was about to exit the classroom when Hyungu grabbed your wrist as he balanced the box he was carrying with his other hand and his body.
"babe, what happened??". he asked again.
you sniffed and pulled your hand away. "you, all these while i thought you changed. but i was wrong. you are still the same playboy Kang Hyungu. old habits die hard, huh? you came here late because you were having a fun time with another girl? i should have listened to my friends. dating you was a mistake,".
Hyungu frowned, confused about what you were talking about.
"huh? what do you mean? i was late because i was preparing my presents for you,". Hyungu explained.
you frowned deeper at his words. "i saw everything, Hyungu. you don't have to lie! if i am not a good partner, then just tell me that, no need to cheat behind me, just break up with me!".
Hyungu was confused at your sudden burst of anger. "but you're the only one that i like! have you seen me flirting with others when i started dating you?".
you rolled your eyes and glared at him. "i wouldn't know, you might have done it when i'm not around!".
Hyungu sighed and ruffled his hair in frustration. "do you not trust me?". he asked.
"no, i don't.". you replied without hesitation. you gulped your pain when you see the hurt in his eyes.
"look into my eyes and tell me that you didn't feel any sincerity from me in these 5 months that we've been together." Hyungu asked with teary eyes.
your heart felt so painful. but you had to do what was best for you. you promised your friends to be careful so you were going to keep that promise.
"it must have been fun playing with me, right? just like how you played with other girls. i really thought i was the special person who could change you. but i was being pathetic. i'm just an idiot who fell for the school's infamous playboy.".
a tear finally fell on Hyungu's cheek. he was hurt. extremely hurt. he then stretched his arm to give you the box that he had been carrying since just now.
"i want to give some presents to congratulate you for graduation. please accept them." he managed to whisper.
you frowned at his sudden change of topic and slapped his hands away together with the box.
you heard something broke when the box made contact with the hard ground. if you didn't know any better, you would have thought that you just heard your heart shattered.
Hyungu froze on his spot as he stared at the box. you quickly ran out of the classroom before you softened back up for your ex.
and that was the last time you met Hyungu before the both of you moved on with your lives. you remembered to quickly block Hyungu's number and blocked him on every social medias that you had. you didn't want anything to do with him anymore.
you were embarrassed of yourself. you were so proud when you started dating Hyungu, you were so confident that he was serious about you. but at the end, it was just your imagination. he didn't change at all.
~4 years later~
after graduating from high school, you got accepted into your dream university and studied in Japan for 4 years majoring in journalism. writing has been your hobby since you were little and aiming to be a well-known journalist was your ambition.
it was not easy to leave things back at your home country behind you especially after getting your heart broken so harshly on your graduation day. but you believed working hard towards your dream was a good way to distract yourself from all the unnecessary drama.
you focused on school and excelled all your semesters. you became the best student and was given the honour of being the valedictorian of your cohort.
it was finally time for you to come home to your family. they did visit you a few times when you were in Japan, but the feeling of coming back home was different.
From : Yubi❤
-you're back in South Korea?! great timing, our class reunion is next Saturday. you better come after skipping 4 years of our reunion dinner !!! we all miss you🥺-
you sighed as you read the message from your close friend. you were not really someone who likes to socialise with others, it's true they were your highschool classmates, but it had been years since you've met them. you might be awkward.
From : Yubi❤
-if you even think of skipping, i'm gonna drag you out of your house😠-
you chuckled and rolled your eyes.
To : Yubi❤
-okay okay, i will come, just text me the venue when it's confirmed.-
you scanned the huge hotel and took a deep breath before walking through the grand entrance. "wow they must be rich to book such a fancy place." you mumbled as you went to the customer service counter to ask for the room number that was booked for your class dinner.
as the staff was looking through the lists, you couldn't help but check out the beautiful architecture. your gaze fell to the floor as you realised that each tile had a different design. "wow, this hotel is totally on another level.". you whispered as you analysed them one by one.
a pair of pink shoes stopped walking and caught your eyes. you raised an eyebrow and looked up slowly to see the owner of the pink shoes.
your breath hitched. you made eye contact with the person. the person's eyes widened as he saw you. just as he was about to walk towards you, a lady grabbed him by his arm and dragged him away, she probably didn't notice you who were a few metres away.
"oi Kanghyun!! will you hurry up and walk? they're all waiting for us in the room already!!". the lady called the person by his nickname.
your thoughts were interrupted when the staff tapped your shoulder gently. "your room number is 3. i will bring you there". you nodded and bowed slightly to thank the staff.
you were now in front of the room. loud excited voices could be heard from the inside. *such youthful energy* you thought and knocked on the door before opening it slowly.
the previous noise quietened down at your entrance. you were frozen at the door. *w--why are they staring at me*. you smiled awkwardly and waved your hand at them.
"hi?". the second you greeted, your former classmates cheered and some even ran to you and gave you hugs and pats. "y/n!! we missed you so much!" "y/n! you are finally home!" "welcome back!!" "how was school in Japan?".
"there there guys, y/n needs to sit first at least. your questions can wait. the evening is still young!". Yubi came to your rescue. you gave her a grateful smile. Yubi smiled back and hugged you tightly. "welcome back!!".
you caught up with your friends. some were working full time at big companies, some were getting engaged, some just finished their studies, like you. you were engrossed in your conversation when a word, or a name, from the table next to you caught your ear.
"Kang Hyungu, how many girlfriends have you had in uni? still a playboy aren't you?" one of the boys joked.
your hand curled up into a fist. you were about to shoot the other table a glare when the lady who dragged Hyungu earlier defended him.
"this guy? trust me, he never dated anyone after highschool. he focused on his studies and never looked at girls. he rejected everyone who confessed to him. i was shocked too, you know being his classmate in highschool and seeing his abrupt change in uni, a whole new experience."
your former classmates widened their eyes as they looked at Hyungu, who was eating silently. his composure was still as cool and cold as ever.
"you are kidding !! he couldn't even be single for a week back then! what do you mean he never dated after highschool?".
the lady, Ara, nodded her head and sighed. "i don't know who broke his heart so bad he didn't even want to date or befriend other girls. that's why i'm stuck to his side." Ara explained and knocked Hyungu's head. Hyungu pouted and rubbed his head as he looked up.
after eavesdropping the conversation, you were surprised too. you turned to look into the direction of his table and saw his pouty face. you gulped. "cute..." you mumbled and quickly turned away when the both of you accidentally made your second eye contact for today.
you almost forgot he was your former classmate too, of course he would be here. you were just too busy with your close friends that you didn't realise his presence earlier.
from your peripheral vision, you sensed Hyungu still staring at you. after a few seconds, you finally let out the breath you were holding in unconciously when you see him turn his head away.
"bye bye y/n!! see you again soon!!" Yubi bid you goodbye as her boyfriend came to pick her up. you waved back at her and waited by the entrance for your ride.
"y/n?". you felt your head tingled as you heard a familiar gentle voice calling your name. you looked up from your phone only to be greeted by none other than Kang Hyungu.
"Hyu--Hyungu... it's been a while". you managed to breathe out.
Hyungu gave a small smile and nodded.
it was awkward. after all, you separated on bad terms and never contacted each other ever since.
Hyungu moved closer to you. his expression looked sad yet happy.
"can i hug you?". Hyungu suddenly asked. you bit your lips. you hesitated before nodding slightly. letting him hug you won't hurt, right?
wrong.
when his arms wrapped around you, your emotions from 4 years ago surged up again. his gentle yet tight hug. his warm scent. his soft face buried into the crook of your neck.
you were frozen. everything was too overwhelming.
"i mis--" Hyungu's words were interrupted when someone called out your name.
you snapped out of your zone and gently pulled yourself away from Hyungu. Hyungu let you go hesitantly as he wiped his teary eyes and looked at the person who called your name.
"ah Harin!! did you wait for long?" you approached the person earlier and patted his shoulder. Harin shook his head and looked at Hyungu.
you thought it was only right to introduce them to each other. "Harin, this is my former classmate, Kang Hyungu, and Hyungu, this is Ju Harin, we went to the same university". Hyungu gulped and bowed slightly towards Harin.
"ni--nice to meet you. thank you for taking care of y/n! i--i should excuse myself now.". Hyungu said as he quickly left you and Harin. Harin shrugged his shoulders and led you to his car.
~
it had been so long since you came back home, you finally had the time to walk around your neighbourhood. you realised that in the span of 4 years, alot of things could change. you continued walking in the homey streets until you reached your favourite bookshop. you smiled widely and quickly entered it. you were happy the shop was still there.
your body automatically brought you over to the comics section. you enjoyed all sorts of genres but comics were your stress reliever. your eyes widened at some new collections.
"ooh, this one looks interesting". you mumbled as you picked up the new crime comic. "that one is good, you should read it". you jumped at the sudden voice beside your ear.
you quickly turned to your side. Hyungu backed away abit and gave a cheeky smile.
"wh-what are you doing here?". you asked abit too loud than usual because you were shocked. Hyungu blinked and chuckled with a pfft.
"i am here to buy some books, then i saw you looking at that good comic so i decided to greet you. yo!".
you nodded awkwardly and wanted to walk away but Hyungu's words stopped you.
"you know, i can suggest you other new good comics that will surely suit your taste!". you bit your lip and shook your head. "it's okay, i just wanted to look around. thanks for your offer". you bowed and quickly walked away.
Hyungu watched your back moved away from him. his shoulders dropped as he pouted. *did i scare her away?* he thought as he went to the cashier to pay for his books.
you felt blood rushing to your face as you exited the shop. you totally forgot that Hyungu also regularly visits that shop. heck, it used to be one of the places where you always went to during your dates.
despite his bad boy image, Hyungu was surprisingly an avid reader. he always had the best recommendations. you were tempted by his offer but you thought it was weird to suddenly be close again with him.
your mood was abit down after the encounter as old memories came flooding back to your mind. *ah, i thought 4 years were enough to forget about him. but meeting him twice right after coming back like this is not helping at all* you thought as you walked back home.
~
you tapped your foot on the ground, following the rythm of the song that you were listening to as you waited for Harin in the mall.
you planned to meet up at 2pm but he was abit late so you waited for him inside since the weather was hot.
"we meet again!" you heard as you felt one of your earpiece being pulled out softly. you jumped and turned only to be greeted by none other than, you guessed it, Kang Hyungu.
you frowned and took out your other earpiece. "at this rate, i feel like you're stalking me". Hyungu chuckled and shook his head. "no no, i was here since morning, i had some stuff to do, and then i saw you here alone".
"i'm actually waiting for Harin. ugh why is he so late? i'm hungry.."
when he heard the name, Hyungu's smile was gone. his current expression was unreadable. "oh, well then, i will wait here with you". you let Hyungu be as you scanned the crowd for Harin.
"how was Japan?".
"it was great and refreshing. school was okay too, abit hard but i survived. how about you? you graduated from uni too right recently?". Hyungu nodded.
"i started working at the music shop here, today is actually my off day but i had to fix some things so yeah.."
your mouth turned into an "O" shape as you heard him. he was very interested and quite talented in music back in highschool, it was not a surprise for him to pursue something related to music.
Hyungu saw a familiar face among the crowd. "oh there's H--" he cut his own words when he saw a lady beside Harin, her arm linked with Harin's.
*he is late because he is with another girl? he is cheating on y/n at the place that they're meeting up at?? how dare he?* Hyungu thought as he tried to block your view from Harin. *i gotta protect y/n*.
"yo y/n!! y/n?" Hyungu heard Harin's voice but he still stood in front of you, blocking Harin from seeing you.
you frowned and gently pushed Hyungu aside. "oh Harin! you are finally here!!!" you slapped Harin's arm and quickly turned to the lady beside him.
"Dani!!! you are here too!" you greeted and hugged the lady. Dani hugged you back and passed something to you. "i'm sorry,,, i misplaced the souvenier i bought you so Harin had to search for it with me, that's why we were late.". you cooed at Dani and patted her head. "aww it's okay, thank you for the gift!".
Hyungu looked at the scene with a confused look. you finally remembered him being there and introduced him to Dani. "Dani, this is Hyungu, my former highschool classmate, Hyungu, this is Dani, my former housemate back in Japan!".
Hyungu frowned. *Harin is cheating on y/n with her former housemate?!?!*.
"oii mr boyfriend, where are we going to eat at?". Dani turned to Harin and asked.
Hyungu's eyes widened. *huh???huh???*
"you and y/n are not dating each other?" Hyungu blurted out as he pointed towards you and Harin.
you and Harin looked at each other and shivered in disgust at the same time. "never!! why would you even think that?!" you asked. Harin quickly wrapped his arm around Dani and shook his head. "Dani is the only one for me".
"then why did he pick you up the other night?".
you bursted a pfft, Hyungu's face was hilarious. he was furious and confused at the same time.
"the three of us had plans after my dinner, so Harin picked me up. Dani was in the car too. Harin, being the gentleman he is, volunteered to escort me personally to the car".
Dani couldn't help but laugh too. you were the one who introduced her to Harin anyways, it was funny to think that someone misunderstood Harin and your relationship.
"ok that aside, let's go eat, i'm so hungryy" you whined and linked your arms with Harin and Dani. Hyungu's eyes twitched when he saw how comfortable you were with Harin.
"Hyungu should join us too!! the more the merrier!" Dani invited Hyungu. Hyungu was about to reject but seeing your flustered expression, he quickly accepted the invitation. he kind of missed seeing this side of you.
you ended up walking beside Hyungu while the lovely couple led the way to Harin's recommended restaurant.
the walk was quiet between the two of you. Hyungu felt abit guilty for being selfish, he accepted the invitation, totally ignoring your feelings.
"if you don't want me to join, i can back away now." Hyungu said. you quickly shook your head and unconciously tugged his sleeve. "i don't mind.. please join us". Hyungu grinned at your response. "alright, i will stay".
as you arrived at the restaurant, Dani excused herself to the bathroom. you decided to help Harin with the orders while Hyungu reserved a table for the four of you. the other reason you volunteered to help was so that you didn't have to be alone with Hyungu.
Dani came back from the bathroom and went to Hyungu. "oh y/n is helping Harin? then i will sit here and chat with you!".
Hyungu gave a small smile. he was still abit awkward around other girls if he was alone. "Hyungu, you like y/n don't you?" Dani attacked with an innocent smile.
Hyungu was taken aback but nodded anyways. like was an understatement. you were in his mind every second for the whole 4 years, meeting you once again made his dull world colourful again.
Dani giggled and poked Hyungu's arm. "you are so obvious. don't worry, i will help you!" Dani winked and quickly backed away when you and Harin came with your food. Hyungu pursed his lips into a thin line. he didn't know what Dani was up to.
you sat beside Dani, acrossed from Hyungu. you focused on your food and Dani, trying your best not to stare at the handsome Hyungu.
"so y/n, do you have anyone you like now?" Dani randomly asked you. your hand paused from picking up food for abit before chuckling awkwardly. "hahaha what a question, Dani. hmm i don't think i like anyone now". you swore your voice was trembling.
Dani smirked slightly at your response and was about to turn to Hyungu when Harin chirped into the conversation. "eh? how about that Jungwoo guy? don't you have a crush on him?".
you gulped as you felt your whole face became warm. "Ju-Jungwoo? he is cute, but i just admire him from afar. i don't like like him..."
Harin raised an eyebrow. "really? then why are you so emba--" his words were cut off when Dani kicked his leg under the table. she signalled him towards Hyungu and widened her eyes as if saying "have some sense Ju Harin!!". Harin pouted and continued eating his food.
there was definitely tension between you and Hyungu now. Dani tried to lighten up the mood with another topic as her plan A failed. she really wanted to help Hyungu.
after the meal, you and Harin started discussing some matters related to your future job, which was the main agenda for today's meet up. you switched seats with Dani so that you were opposite of Harin.
Dani called out Hyungu's name softly. "sorry for earlier. i just wanted to help but Harin interrupted. anyway, i'm gonna move to plan B later." Hyungu frowned and glanced at you and Harin who were engrossed in the discussion before leaning closer to the table. "what exactly are you planning??". Hyungu whispered.
Dani smirked and whispered her ideas. Hyungu listened carefully and processed her words. "so, what do you think?" Hyungu slowly nodded, agreeing to her plan.
it was finally time to separate. while Harin and Dani were going back by car, your house was just a walking distance from the mall.
"oh! Hyungu, do you have anything after this? why don't you walk y/n home?"
you almost choked on your own saliva and quickly shook your head. "i-i can go home by myself". Hyungu patted your head and gave a big smile. "i can, no, i want to walk you home!".
you sighed in defeat and nodded. "fine then. thanks Harin and Dani for today! and i'll email you the file later, Harin." Harin nodded and bid you goodbye before leaving with Dani.
you looked at Hyungu and pointed your finger awkwardly to the direction that you were going to. Hyungu walked beside you in silence. you too walked quietly, selfishly enjoying the warmth of his company.
"it feels like we are back to highschool days where i always walk you home". Hyungu started.
you just listened, not responding to his words. "we should go visit the bookshop again together one day. i remember how you would always frown slightly when you read the description of some comics, not because you hated them, but you actually loved them that your expressions couldn't be controlled. also the little pout when the volume you wanted was sold out and we have to either go to another shop or buy them online. oh and remember when--"
"that was all 4 years ago, Hyungu. can we not talk about it anymore?" you said with a slight firmness in your voice.
Hyungu paused for abit before chuckling. "for these 4 years, i've been trying to think of what you meant by me having fun with another girl that's why i was late" your fists curled into a fist as you felt your head become heavy.
"i really like you, y/n. i was serious about our relationship back then. you changed me, you were the only one that i like, i never look at other girls when i started dating you. i was hurt when you said those things to me. i really didn't understand"
you stopped in your tracks as you faced Hyungu with teary eyes. he really dared to lie to you even after 4 years?
you were about to hit his chest but he grabbed your wrist. "i finally figured it out".
~4 years ago~
Hyungu ensured that he had wrapped the big box of gifts for you properly. he carried the box carefully and walked down the staircase towards your classroom.
it was a bit difficult for him to see what was in front due to the box and Hyungu accidentally bumped into someone. he panicked for abit and quickly hugged the box to his body tightly.
"sorry, i didn't see you there!" Hyungu apologised.
the person he bumped into also apologised. "ah Hyungu? sorry! i was in a rush. oh no your hair! are you meeting anyone now?".
Hyungu's hair was a bit out of place after bumping into Ara. "is it bad? i'm meeting my girlfriend!" Hyungu asked, worried about his appearance. he wanted to look his best for you.
Ara reached out her hand to help but Hyungu leaned away. "it's okay, i can do it by myself".
Ara rolled her eyes and flicked Hyungu's forehead. "yeah but you can't see yourself, i can. here squat down abit, you have to look extra handsome for you girlfriend! after bumping into you, the least i could do is help you look presentable".
Hyungu hesitated but squatted for abit and tilted his head for Ara to help. Ara fixed Hyungu's hair and patted his hair for the last step.
"all done! now go impress your pretty girlfriend!"
Hyungu grinned cheekily at the thought of you and thanked Ara before heading towards the classroom.
and that was when the harsh break up happened.
~
a tear fell down your face as you finished listening to his explanation.
"it was all just a misunderstanding! and i totally understand you, i should have been more careful. i really really like you, y/n. i was sincere for all those months. you heard Ara the other day right? i didn't date anyone at all after you. thoughts about you occupied my mind 24/7. i wanted to reach out to you but.. you blocked me on all platforms. i came to your house a few times but your mother said you didn't want to meet anyone. the next time i visited, you already went to Japan. i tried asking your close friends on how to contact you but, they didn't like me so they didn't help me at all. they said i didn't deserve to talk to you anymore because i hurt you. so i waited for fate to bring us back together. and that night, when i saw your face after so long, i felt so happy".
more tears flowed down your face. Hyungu wiped them away with his thumb as he felt himself tearing up too.
"i'm..... i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry" was all you managed to say to Hyungu as you started sobbing into his chest. Hyungu hugged you as he rubbed your back.
"can we go back to our happy moment, y/n? i missed you so much." Hyungu whispered as he sniffed.
you pulled yourself away from Hyungu and rubbed your eyes before cupping Hyungu's face with one of your hands. you carressed his face gently with your thumb and shook your head.
"that was all 4 years ago, Hyungu. we can never go back to those happy time. things aren't the same anymore"
Hyungu frowned and leaned into your palm. "then we can start over. things don't have to be the same. i just want to be with you again".
you let his face go. "my feelings for you are not the same anymore, Hyungu. how can we start over if my heart is already closed?"
"you're lying." Hyungu said as his voice trembled.
you chuckled bitterly. "i'm sorry for hurting you Hyungu. i really am. i just, want to focus on building up my career now. i was offered a job back at Japan and i don't want to lose this opportunity. i can't afford to be distracted by relationships. i can't accept your feelings like how i accepted them in highschool. i have other commitments to focus on now. i'm...sorry"
Hyungu clutched onto his chest as he felt nothing but pain in his heart.
you slowly walked away from Hyungu but was stopped by Hyungu's soft voice.
"i won't disturb you anymore but i just want to know one thing. do you hate me?".
you gulped and took a deep breath before turning around to look at his pained face.
"of course not, Hyungu. i will never hate you."
Hyungu gave a small smile despite tears falling down his face non-stop.
"thank you y/n".
you turned away as your feet quickly led you back to your house. you ran up to your room and locked your door before breaking down fully.
you buried your face in between your knees as your sobs echoed in the room.
*you don't deserve to talk to me? i'm the ONE who doesn't deserve to talk to you, Hyungu* you thought.
Hyungu was so gentle and kind to you, he loved you so much but just because of your insecurity, you ruined everything.
you didn't even let him explain things back then and said hurtful words to him. and yet he continued liking you and wanting to clear up the misunderstanding even after years of not meeting each other.
you didn't deserve such a kind person. you didn't deserve his love. you were embarrassed to even face Hyungu now after knowing the truth.
you hated yourself for again escaping from reality. you contacted Harin, asking for the job process to be quickened.
*this will make me forget about him. this will help me forget about him* you chanted and fell asleep from the exhaustion of crying and from the pain in your heart for lying to Kang Hyungu.
.
.
a/n: how was it? haha i hope yall enjoyed the roller coaster ride!
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