There's Just Time (A Loki x reader Fanfic)
Chapter Two: All I Ask
Summary: You were an explosion waiting to happen who found love in the arms of a hurricane. Loki saw you as an angel that calmed his demons. For you, he was a savior that taught you to trust your abilities, yourself, and others. When he died, you were broken. You clung to any hope possible and watched as it all fell away. With nothing left, stories from your youth flooded back of a mysterious force that controlled time and space, and you knew that you would do anything to see him again...even if that something meant teaming up with the Time Variance Authority to capture the man you love.
Loki is confronted with a life he hasn't lived. You are confronted with a choice you weren't prepared to make.
Warnings: grief, mentions of self harm, death
main story: prologue | chapter one
moments in time (avengers era, prelude): part one
He's as angry as the hills
He's got a mind and eyes and both set to kill
Maybe he may learn to walk,
And maybe he may learn to take his time
When Loki first asked to see your powers, you were hesitant. No, hesitant was too simple a word to describe the immense anxiety that ran through you at the thought of showing him. For years, you had learned to suppress them. Hide a huge part of yourself in order to make others more comfortable. To fit in. To be invisible. Even when you had first come onto S.H.I.E.L.D.S radar, you didn’t want to do what they asked of you. You were afraid. It felt like you were always afraid.
That day, resting on the opposite side of an invisible wall from him, you both sat in silence. He had asked, and from there he gave you all of the space you needed in order to make your decision. Loki didn’t try to persuade you. He didn’t guilt trip you or egg you on. He just sat with you until you were ready. Something told you that even if the cell wasn’t keeping him from you, he still would have never forced you.
Minutes passed in quiet contemplation until you finally found the strength to look up into his eyes. There, all you saw was a gentleness that made you wonder whether this god could have ever done the things you saw him do not months earlier. How could someone with eyes so kind cause any harm?
Your hand raised slowly, and a small blue flame flickered to life in your palm. It stayed small, afraid, for a moment. When you dared to look at Loki again, his smile was big and bright. You could feel the pure glee bubbling inside of him like the shriek of a small child on Christmas. It was contagious, and soon the flame grew until the warmth encapsulated your entire body. With a little more courage, you pressed your hand to the barrier. Loki watched you with fascination and raised his own palm to align with yours.
In that moment, even though you were separated, you could feel each other. Your fears, pains, joys, and general life. The warmth spread over Loki, wrapping him in a soothing calm that he hadn’t felt in years. He had no idea how you managed to quiet the screaming in his head, but like a gift from the highest of powers, you did it. His fingers itched to touch you, and a part of him swears that he could feel your fingers laying gently against his own.
“I thought there was no magic here.” Loki's voice rings through the quiet hall as his feet guide him over to the window. His eyes reflect the passing of golden vehicles, floating in midair. His head moves to follow them, a look of awe that you hadn’t seen in years falls over his features.
“There isn’t.” You can see the small hint of a smile break out on Mobius’ face. It was the same one he gave you every time you let a bit of child-like wonder show through about some of the things you’d seen at the TVA.
The way Loki is watching everything makes you itch to talk to him. He seems so genuine and open in this moment; so much like the way he was when you last saw him in your timeline.
“It takes a little getting used to.” Your feet stop beside him and you lean against the railing to watch with him. He doesn’t look at you when you speak, but his brows scrunch up in that familiar way they do when he doesn’t quite trust or understand something. You saw it a lot when introducing him to things that were commonplace on earth, but foreign to Asgardians.
“Is it all real?” You have to think before you answer that question, still unsure of most of this yourself. “I’m honestly not sure. But I think it is.” Loki’s eyes shift over to you, watching you from the corner while the light glitters over your face. There is something unfamiliarly familiar about the feeling that radiates from you, but he can’t quite place it.
“It’s real. Now come on, we have some things to discuss.” Mobius guides you both to the elevator and you head down to the room you dread most. It was time to help Loki remember a thing or two.
“Are you taking me to be killed?” He says it nonchalantly, almost conversationally. You see right through it though. He’s really scared. He knows that they could take his life from him within seconds and that would be it. You had felt the exact same when you first came here, and you did so willingly. You can’t even imagine the anxiety he must have right now.
“No, we’re just going someplace to talk.” The three of you stop at a wide door and Mobius presses a few buttons before it opens. From where you stand behind them, you can’t see into the dark room. You know what’s inside though, you’d been here before.
Mobius quickly ushers Loki into the room and tells him to wait there. “Don’t do anything funny. We’ll only be gone for like two minutes.” He shuts the door behind Loki and turns to you expectantly. You don’t quite know what he wants, but you do know what you want, and that’s to finally be let in on the secret.
You walk to the opposite side of the small corridor, sweaty hands rubbing against your pants. “What exactly is the plan here? What are you going to show him?” You don’t look at Mobius. Part of you is terrified that Loki will find out about what the two of you were…are? More than that though, you’re scared of what’s going to happen next. Mobius hadn’t told you what deal he made with the judge, so what was waiting for Loki was a mystery and that wasn’t going to work for you.
Mobius shuffles behind you. Without looking, you know he’s fidgeting with his hands. He moves them a lot. “Look, you’re not going to like this. I really need you not to interfere without my say-so.” He sounds nervous saying it, and he definitely should be. Does he really think you’re just going to sit there like a statue while he says and does whatever he wants to Loki? You know him better than anyone else, why wouldn’t he want your help?
“No.” Although small, the word comes out strong and defiant. You turn to face him, your expression hard. He wasn’t going to tell you what to do like some well trained pet. If he wanted cooperation, you needed answers.
“I see the way he watches you. Part of him trusts you and I know he isn’t going to listen if he feels cornered. Just sit there and try not to let anything get to you, alright? You need to be with me on this one, kid.”
“Listen to what? I’m not going to be a pawn that you use to make him suffer. Why did they let him come with us? What did you promise them?” Your voice raises with each word until you nearly scream the last question. You don’t care if people hear, you don’t even care if Mobius gets angry at you. If he wasn’t going to trust you enough to clue you in to the fate of the man you love, then you couldn’t trust him enough to let him do anything in that room.
“Alright, let’s take a breath here. I made them a similar deal to what you have. He helps us with these murders, he gets to stay the way he is. He doesn’t, well…” He gives you a sympathetic look as pain flashes through your eyes. If he doesn’t, then you risk losing him again. Loki needed to trust the TVA enough to partner up with them. He needed to trust you enough to be vulnerable and honest about himself. It stung a little that you knew the Loki in that room didn’t, but you also knew what it was like to be a caged animal. You knew what he was like as a caged animal. This would work.
“Okay. Let’s do it.” You nod gently and wait for Mobius to move. When he does, your thoughts from earlier resurface and you know you have to ask. “Mobius?” He stops and turns to you, waiting for you to continue. “Are you going to show him anything about me? About what we become?”
The question hangs in the air for seconds, but it feels like an eternity. Finally, he shakes his head. “No. Nothing that I don’t need to, anyway. I’ll keep out your more…intimate moments if that’s what you want.” Looking down, you wonder if that really is what you want. Would it really be so terrible if he knew of the future that awaited him back in your timeline? If he knew how much you both would one day depend on each other?
Yes. It would.
Nothing that he would see would leave a good impression on him, and your love for him was not something you wanted to risk tarnishing. It could wait. You were willing to wait.
With that, you offer Mobius a small nod in thanks and go back in.
Loki’s head spins to watch you from his place on the steps of the room. He was looking around while you were outside. Nothing in this room made any sense to him and the small table in the center with the odd contraptions terrified him a little, though he would never admit it.
“Alright, why don’t we all take a seat.” The way Mobius said this, like most things, made it sound like a suggestion of sorts. Like you could refuse or offer an alternative option if you wanted to, but you knew that wasn’t true. While not necessarily unkind without reason, there was a silent command to most of the gentle remarks the agent made.
Mobius rounds the table and pulls out his chair. He sits there, waiting for anyone to make a move. Loki watches his every action as though he expects an attack at any moment. It doesn’t come. When his eyes find you again, you can’t help but wonder if he’s looking to you for confirmation of his safety. Why would he trust you with his well-being?
You decide to offer Loki the best you can for what you anticipate happening next; a tiny smile. It’s nothing, just a gesture of kindness that took very little effort to give. To him, it was a promise that you wouldn’t leave him alone here. A promise that he didn’t know why he sought out or even trusted. But he did.
The fizz of a soda cracks through the room as Mobius leans back and sips on the drink. Your feet travel to the side and you take a seat on the steps there. The presence of only two seats at the table tells you that there’s a chance you shouldn’t be here. That this place was made for captor and captured only. For not the first time today, you silently find yourself thanking Mobius.
Loki is clearly still cagey and nervous, but at your move to sit, he walks over to stand by the table.
“For the record, this really does feel like a ‘killing me’ kind of room.” Once again, you can feel the fear radiating behind the cool remark. Or at least you can hear it. Yeah, hear it, not feel it. Your magic doesn’t work here. You can’t feel anything, right?
“Not big on trust, are you?” Mobius’ patience is starting to grow thin as he waits for Loki to sit. Still, he remains just as open and welcoming as ever. He wants Loki to think it’s his decision to sit. He knows that forcing anything will make him shut down. That Loki fears not having a say in what occurs in his life. You hate that he knows that.
“Trust is for children and dogs. There’s only one person you can trust” Loki’s words come out with acid. Even though you’d heard them before, they still hurt. Not because your ego is damaged by his lack of faith in you, but because you recognize this exact emotion from him. The feeling of not wanting to let anyone in because it’s synonymous with a loss of power. The panic of knowing that someone else could see into your life and truly know you. The pain of wondering if you’ll ever stop being lonely, but knowing that you’d do anything in your power to ensure that no one could ever get close without being burned. You knew these exact words from Loki, and you knew that they cut him deeply to the core to say, to believe.
You’re so caught up in your thoughts that you almost miss the glance from you to Loki that Mobius’ eyes make. His sight stays on you for a little longer than what makes you comfortable. “Sure.”
Loki follows his gaze and finds you, sitting like a child. He turns away quickly.
Mobius speaks up again, this time more confidently. “I like it. Slap it on a t-shirt!”
When all eyes are off you, the weight of their gaze does not leave with it. Mobius was implying that Loki had been lying about his feelings of trust. While he was right, you knew that his open disbelief was an act of defiance that Loki would not take lightly. Suddenly, a new thought plagued your mind. Would Loki see you as the enemy if Mobius continued to use you as a meditator? As a justification to prove Loki wrong? That thought makes your stomach churn.
It takes a bit more coaxing, but Loki does sit down eventually. Arms cross over his chest and you can’t help but admire the feigned relaxed look he gives off. He’s always been an expert at staying calm and collected. It took quite a bit to force that façade to drop. Mobius would get there though, you knew it.
“I specialize in the pursuit of dangerous variants.” The faint flash of pride comes over Loki’s features. “You mean like myself?” His posture straightens ever so slightly. Fear. He thought he wanted it most for the longest time. It had taken a while for you to convince him that being feared was not a sign of respect.
Mobius takes a sip of his drink and shakes his head. “Mmm, no. I mean particularly dangerous variants. Like her.” His arm raises in your direction, the soda can being used to point you out and showcase you to the room. You know what you’re capable of, why they felt the need to have you on a permanent lock while you were here. Energy really is a funny thing. Just as easily as it can be given, it can be taken away.
Loki’s eyes find you for the seemingly hundredth time that day. Where you expect to find malice, there is only confusion. The gears work quickly in his head and his words come out very deliberately; well thought out. “They know what you do?”
You remember his refusal earlier to announce your status as an Avenger. You remember the little looks he’s given you the whole walk here and the limited information he offered when you first told him that you had met him before. Loki wasn’t sure if they knew about you and what you truly were capable of. More than that, he had made the conscious decision to not reveal anything that he wasn’t sure you wanted revealed.
Just as you open your mouth to answer him, Mobius gives you a pointed look and you close it. “Yep, we know just as much about her as we do about you. Maybe even more considering she’s been helping me out for a little while now.”
From there, questions are fired off. Something about the way Mobius knows which buttons to press sets off alarms in your head. He eggs Loki on, poking into the holes in his plan to one day rule the nine realms. You can see the quiet storm as it awakens behind his eyes. Mobius treats him as you often saw Thor do so; asking just the right questions to get him talking and spouting out what you knew to be lies he was force-fed. Although Mobius was doing everything right to come off as non-judgmental, it leaves both you and Loki guarded. His arms move animatedly, inviting anyone else to be half as open as he is, but no one takes the bait. That’s the problem, you suddenly understand. It feels like bait.
With the hit of a button, a holograph of New York comes to life on the large screen in front of you all. Loki turns to watch the pixels come to life and rework themselves multiple times until an image of your old team stares back at him.
“What is this?” He looks away, and you know it’s because he can’t stand to look into the eyes of people he knew were in the right. Not when the evil they had fought was himself.
Mobius picks up his soda and leans back as though this is some fun movie to watch. “It’s a sampling of your greatest hits.”
The images and mix of emotions leaves your head a wreck. Your fingernails scratch into the skin of your palm, a nervous habit you picked up after years of trying to find a distracting release for your built up energy. Your shoulders stiffen and, just like Loki, you don’t manage to be able to watch the screen for more than a second. Unlike him though, it’s because for you it serves as a constant reminder of people you may never see again. Too much that you can never get back.
More images flash and your discomfort grows. You can see Loki shuffle in his seat. When Phil Coulson’s death plays out, you decide that trying to watch isn’t worth it anymore. Tears spring to your eyes as you recall the numerous times the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent had tried to help guide you when you first came to the tower. Tony had been your lifeline, but he wasn’t always available to help with the smaller things. Some things you needed to figure out on your own, but Coulson never really let you feel too lonely. He was there to eat breakfast with you or walk with you to the training grounds. Little things, maybe even too small for most people to care about. They had meant something to you though.
“Do you enjoy hurting people? Making them feel afraid?” You wonder if this is an actual question, or if Mobius just wants to make him hurt. Your nails press a little harder into your skin with each pass.
“Your games don’t frighten me. I know what I am!” Loki’s voice cuts through the room like a blade. It makes your heart squeeze to hear the distress, but you stay quiet. Mobius, on the other hand, doesn’t flinch before he bites back, “A murderer?”
That strikes a chord with you and you instantly sit up, taking in a loud, shocked breath. Every single person you knew and trusted had done things that they regretted, things that they could never take back. They could only move forward and do whatever they could to make amends for the damage they caused. Using past mistakes as ammunition in arguments, weaponing major faults that could not be erased...that wasn't something you and Loki did to each other. You knew Mobius was just trying to spur him on, but that one caught you off guard. Certain accusations were said so easily but caused damages that would take years to fix.
Mobius gives you a sharp glare, reminding you that outbursts were not a part of his plan. You sit back again. This wasn’t going to be the worst of it and the resounding threat of being dismissed kept hanging over your head. Instead, you resort back to focusing your anxiety to the palm of your hand. It hurt, but being forced to leave would hurt far more. Loki’s head moves the slightest bit, just enough to catch your distress before his eyes harden with determination. When he speaks, the words seem to address you just as much as the agent in front of him. “A liberator.”
Mobius felt like a threat to Loki. He knew he was losing him. “All I seek is a deeper understanding of the fearsome God of Mischief.”
“Liar.” Loki stands and faces you with a questioning look. He wasn’t getting the truth from Mobius, but something told him that you would offer some answers. He had very little experience with you, but what he did have told him that you were not one to turn away an individual seeking guidance. There was a purity to you that he recalled from his time on Midgard. You wanted to help him even as he threatened everything you loved. There was goodness to you.
Loki walks toward you, stopping just a few feet from you as you rise to meet him. He’s so close, you can almost feel him. The spark. You can’t use your powers here, but the spark has to still be there. You swear it is. You haven’t been this close to Loki face to face since the last time you saw him back in your own timeline. It had been numerous excruciatingly long years of grief and pain, followed by however long you’d spent here without him. Tears welled in your eyes, but you had to force them back. He wouldn’t understand why you were crying. He might even take it as reason to lash out against Mobius even more.
“What is truly going on here? Please, tell me.” His eyes plead with you in a way that you only remember from some of your most intimate and vulnerable moments with him. You can’t tell him everything, but you can at least let him in on what he can do to make this all end with a little less pain.
“I know it doesn’t all make sense right now, but you need to cooperate. He just needs to know he can trust you.” You desperately try to express to Loki how serious this is. How real it all is.
He closes the distance a little more, staring you down with such intensity that you feel you may never recover from it. He’s so afraid, but the fact that he turned to someone he very recently saw as an enemy for help...well, that made you wonder if maybe the way he felt about you wasn’t so far removed from the way he would have had he stayed.
Loki saw the rapid thoughts working in your brain. He wanted nothing more than to have them stop. To allow you to relax for even a moment. There had to be a reason nothing you were thinking was being said out loud. You had told him something though. He could trust that, couldn’t he? His hand seems to move of its own accord. It comes up gently to reach for you, and when he notices, he makes the conscious effort to continue the movement.
You can feel him as he reaches for you. There’s that spark again. Your powers are controlled here. You’re imagining it. You’ll take the fantasy though, because you know that you haven’t felt his energy in so long. His fingers are centimeters away and your breath hitches as your eyes meet his again, waiting to feel his hand on your arm. Just as he is about to make contact, just as the energy that radiates within feels as though it’s about to finally hold you again, he’s gone.
Your eyes search the room in a panic as Loki is once again taken from you. When you find him, he’s back in the chair at the center of the room. You can’t feel him anymore.
“Alright, let’s refocus here. I think this one’s gonna fire you up.” Mobius touches the dial and the screen reworks to show Loki in Germany. Loki doesn’t even look up at the screen, choosing instead to face you once more.
"Why does he need to feel as though I am trustworthy?" He leans forward in his seat to test the limits, trying to get closer to you without triggering another reset by Mobius.
You want to answer, offer him any and all comfort he needs in order to feel as though he isn't someone's prey. You know you can't though, not with Mobius watching. And he most definitely is watching.
You don’t even dare meet Loki’s gaze, knowing that you’d give in within seconds. Instead, you find Mobius staring straight at you. He shakes his head just the slightest bit and his face tells you everything you need to know. You weren’t going to get another chance. He knew you had too much to lose and you weren’t going to risk it. You couldn’t.
Letting out a shaky sigh, you lean back again and focus on the floor in front of you. Loki stares between you and the agent and shakes his head in disbelief. You weren’t going to help him anymore.
“So you work for them.” When he scoffs, it’s cynical and filled with a judgement that only thinly veils the betrayal he feels. As much as it hurts, you completely understand. He thought there was a common enemy between the two of you. That he could trust you and look to you for some comfort. Now he thinks you’re one of them and you hate it, but in a way it’s the truth.
He turns away from you then and rises, walking to stand before you and Mobius. His eyes land on the ceiling and his hands frantically move with frustration.
“I don’t have to listen to this. I am on the verge of acquiring everything I am owed. And when I do, it will be because I did it, not because you or the Time Variance Authority allowed me to!” His voice rises with each word until he’s nearly yelling. Everything he says is laced with desperation and you know that he’s on the verge of breaking.
When he speaks next, it’s aimed directly at you. “Honestly, you’re pathetic! Weak, irrelevant, a detour on my ascent!” You visually flinch at that. There was so much that he observed in so little time. At this point, what he knew of you was what he witnessed in his fight with the Avengers. It was so limited, but it was enough.
Loki knew exactly how to hurt you. When he had been on Midgard, he saw the way you acted with the other members of your team. The insecurity. The fear that you weren’t worthy of them. That you weren’t strong enough to trust yourself with the powers you held. He noticed it all.
In that moment, he saw the way his words affected you and although he had aimed to hurt you, make you feel as insecure as he did in this unfamiliar place, your pain brought him no joy. It offered no excitement or satisfaction. His words were untrue and he knew it. For reasons he could not explain, part of him hoped you did too.
“You know what? You’re going to start taking things seriously.” The dial switches once again to reveal a chained Loki. Panic rises in your throat. This is the crescendo.
Loki turns to the screen and watches, disbelief washing over him. He fights Mobius on the validity of what he is seeing, not wanting to believe that the TVA has insight into things that have yet to occur for him. It’s all true though.
When Frigga’s image comes to life, you know you have to break your silence. That was too far.
“Mobius, stop!" He glares at you for the outburst, but quickly looks away. What you hoped would end the scene, only pushes it forward as it incites determined curiosity in Loki. He watches the screen intently.
"Show me." His voice is soft, the light of the screen reflecting off of glassy eyes. Loki's mother was one of his weakest points. The relationship he had with her was unlike any he had with the other members of his family. She was kind, understanding. Two things that Loki sought desperately.
Her death played out, accompanied by Mobius' harsh words. The accusations flowed naturally, not even accusations really. Just truth. Painful, cold truth.
"No. Where is she? I don't believe you!" Your heart breaks when Loki speaks. He watches the scene, eyes unwavering. It's the first time you've seen his eyes lock onto the image the entire way through. He can't look away.
"That's the proper flow of time and it happens again and again because it has to! " Mobius pushes him. This is it. This is how he plans to break the god.
Loki's desperate cries fall to you when he realizes Mobius won't answer. He goes to you, pleading once again for any sign of deceit on the screen's part. There is none and you know it. Tears spring to your eyes, and this time you can't stop them from falling to your cheeks
"Please, tell me where they're keeping her." His breath comes out shaky.
"I'm so sorry, Loki." The tears continue to fall. His head shakes back and forth in quiet disbelief.
"You weren't born to be king, Loki. You were born to cause pain and suffering and death. That's how it is, that's how it was, that's how it will be. All so that others can achieve their best versions of themselves." Once again, your family comes to life on the screen. You despise that Mobius is using you against him. You hate that he’s implying that Loki can’t be good. He’s wrong.
Before he can continue, a hunter enters the room. She calls Mobius out, saying something about an urgent situation.
Mobius points to Loki. “You don’t go anywhere.” Then, he directs his hand to you. "You. Come with me" Rising you follow them out and let the door shut behind you.
Out in the hall, the hunter yells at Mobius for interfering with Loki’s trial. You tune her out, completely tired of hearing the same monotonous accusations. When she leaves, you turn back to re-enter the room. Before you can open the door, Mobius catches your arm.
“Hey, no more outbursts. I don’t want to make you leave, but you’re kinda pushing me into a corner here.” As much as you hate it, you nod. You’re just itching to get back to Loki. If you could choose to never be apart from him again, you’d sacrifice anything it took to make that so.
“Okay, I’ll be quiet.” Mobius looks at you a second longer. When he finds what he’s searching for, he lets you go.
The heavy door opens slowly, but before you even enter, you know something’s wrong. Loki’s presence is gone.
Mobius reacts faster than you do, coming up behind you and throwing his hands up to stop at his hips. He lets out a frustrated sound, not quite aggressive, but fed up all the same. How he didn’t see this coming, you have no idea.
A small smile creeps onto your lips. You can’t help it. Of course in a place that he has no knowledge of, with technology that is completely foreign to him and a concept of time that makes no sense in his mind, he still finds a way to escape.
"Come on, we gotta find him." Mobius rushes over to the door, opening it and walking out. You don't follow. Instead, you walk over to the center of the room and take a seat in one of the empty chairs. When he notices, his head pokes back in to question you.
"You coming?" You shake your head immediately. "No. I'm going to wait for him here."
Mobius sighs and enters the room again.
"Hey, kid. I know I was a little harsh on you, but are you really gonna leave his fate to that hunter? He'll be erased instantly if she finds him first. You don't want that, I know you don’t." His attempt to reason with you falls on deaf ears because there was nothing to reason. You aren't being difficult. You're being smart.
"He's coming back here. I'm not going to chase him around. He shouldn't feel like he has to run from me." Mobius rubs the bridge of his nose, hands coming up in exasperation.
"So you’re not gonna help?" You just sit up in your chair and fold your hands. "Mobius, I already told you he'd be back. If you don't trust me, that's on you."
"Alright, suit yourself." His footsteps echo as he leaves. The door slams behind him, but you don't flinch. It spoke wonders to you that you were expected to entrust everything to Mobius and he couldn't even give you the benefit of the doubt here. You knew Loki better than anyone, that's why you were here. Him not believing you was annoying, but you ultimately didn't care. He doesn't need to completely trust you. Only Loki does.
So, you sit and wait. He's going to return here. His future, the life he hasn't lived yet, it's here and all too tempting an offer to ignore. They can chase him around the entire TVA, but you know you'll only find him in this room. Alarms blare outside and the small communications device you carry chirps to life with a warning about a "rogue variant." The notice to erase on sight worries you, but you know Loki well enough. He won't get caught. Not by them, anyways.
A soft whoosh sounds from the corner of the room, putting an end to your fears.
"I noticed your absence in their little search party." Loki strolls over to where you sit. He’s slightly out of breath and you wonder if he had a close call.
"I knew you'd be back." Your fingers fiddle with your shirt. You hadn't been alone with him in a while.
"Ahh, and how exactly did you know that? Did your time lords tell you?" His voice is mocking and spiteful. You expect nothing less.
"No. I'm not even allowed my powers here. If they're talking to anyone, it's not me." His steps falter, stopping to think about what you said.
"They've taken your magic from you too?"
"It was one of the first things they did when I got here." Loki begins to pace again.
"So, why do you work for them? What good does it do you?" Your fingers stop fiddling, allowing your shirt to fall flat.
"I was looking for someone. I know you think it's crazy, but losing my powers was a trade I was willing to make." His eyes meet yours, stopping in front of your seat to fully look at you.
"You speak in past tense. Did you find them?" Your gaze drops and he tilts his head in an attempt to keep contact with you.
When your eyes raise to meet his again, you know that he sees it. If you still had your powers, you wouldn't be able to control the emotions and memories that escape you. "I did."
Loki’s brows raise, and although he has no logical way of knowing, he does.
"What reason do you have to search for me?" You can't look at him anymore. It's too much. You don't want to force anything on him and telling him that you loved him more than life itself would be doing exactly that.
"Loki, I can't…" It breaks your heart, but if he’s going to love you, it has to be his choice. It has to be something he wants, even now. Not just something he thinks is part of some plan. It's not. Not anymore. Not in this timeline.
"Do you know how to work this?" He motions to the monitor on the table in front of you.
"I do." Loki nods and takes the seat across from you.
"If I ask you to show me, will you?" Your hesitation is brief, but he catches it.
"You can omit anything you feel necessary. All I ask is that I see the end." His hand reaches for yours, stopping to hover just above it. Sparks. Looking down, you can't see them but you know they're there.
He's not begging, not demanding or forcing. He's just asking. Your hand reaches up to close the distance and the fuzzy feeling of energy engulfs your joined palms. Magic doesn't work here. It becomes something you have to keep reminding yourself because you know this feels too familiar. Too comforting.
Your eyes lock and you know you'd give him the nine realms if he asked.
"Okay." Your other hand moves the dial, speeding through memories until he tells you to stop. His eyes don't blink as he rewatches the events in Germany and New York. He watches Frigga’s death again, squeezing your hand slightly as she falls to the floor. He sees himself betray Thor. Watches as he yells at you with so much ferocity that he can't believe you'd dare touch him now. He doesn't question you when images quickly flash of the two of you together. Too many to be considered nothing. You worry, but he doesn't stop you. Asks for nothing that you don't willingly give.
Odin's funeral, the proud words of a father he barely recognizes. Conversations with his brother that prove his devotion and love, things he never thought he'd share out loud. More images flash of time lost.
It isn't until Ragnarok that he asks you to stop again. His eyes glisten as he watches himself stands beside his brother, victorious against Hela. You skip over the destruction of his home, but stop as your greatest fear approaches. Now, it's your turn to squeeze his hand. Your breath hitches as tears fall. You can't watch this. You just can't
Loki notices this immediately. The screen freezes, purple tinting your features and reflecting off of your watery eyes. He knows what's next by the sheer devastation marring your features. Your heartbreak twists his own, a grip closing around his heart.
"Which button is it?" Your finger grazes over the control and he grasps your trembling hand in his, gently moving it aside as he leans over to push it. Your eyes shut tight.
You can hear everything. Feel when Loki begins to shake. Your own heart beats rapidly in your chest, painful stabs threaten to rip it out as the shuddering snap of his neck echoes throughout the room. Thor's cries shake you to your core, reminding you of the countless months spent holding each other as you grieved.
A sudden bright light engulfs the room, bathing you in the explosion that permanently ended his file. When you finally feel it's safe, your eyes open to find Loki still watching the empty screen.
"Loki?" He takes in a shuddering breath, lip trembling as tears threaten to spill. Loki suddenly stands, releasing your hand and laughing humorlessly.
"Glorious purpose." The once ambitiously driven words are now riddled with spite.
Just as you rise to comfort him, a hunter breaks through the doors. She halts, defensively raising her weapon to point at Loki. You don’t even think, just frantically move to stand between the two of them.
“I’ve got everything under control. You can stand down.” Your hands raise and you’re unsure if it’s to calm the situation or act as a shield in case she attacks. Not that you’d do any good if she touched you with the weapon.
"I don't answer to you." She raises the weapon higher, no longer in defense but instead to attack. Loki doesn’t trust her in the slightest and he is unwilling to see how this plays out if he does nothing. Not just because he knows she can kill him, but because he has a creeping suspicion that you wouldn’t move to allow her to get to him. You’d die first and the rapidly moving scenes he witnessed on the screen made that suspicion feel a little too solidified to risk.
She steps closer to you and it triggers Loki into action. His arm quickly pushes you behind him, knocking the hunter backwards with a forceful kick. He successfully moves the fight further away from you, using the centuries of training he’s had to stave her off. In between punches, he rips the collar off of his neck and slams it on to the hunter’s with a yell. His hand snakes around to grab the remote and he quickly presses a button that makes her vanish.
The remote in his hand fuels his anger. Anger at the situation. At the TVA and the power they hold. Frustration with his inability to make decisions without the looming knowledge of some time lizards. Rage of knowing that there is an entire life he will never get to lead. Love he may never feel.
When his eyes land on you, a new feeling rushes forth. You had been completely destroyed at his death. You, with the ability to feel everything and nothing if you chose to. You had cried for him, mourned him, even as he sat holding your hand. He knew that there was so much that you were keeping from him, but he didn’t care. He didn’t need to see it or be told. Even stripped of your magic, you could make him tremble with the intensity with which you felt. Even without seeing it all play by play on the large screen, he knew there was something there.
Thinking about what that hunter was ready to do to you causes the anger to bubble up once more. He looks down at the remote in his hands, spinning it until the hunter flashes before him. As soon as she appears, she’s gone again. His fingers rapidly spin the dial, not showing any signs of stopping as he finally has an outlet for all of the pent up emotion he had been feeling.
When her voice comes out strangled and pleading, you move toward him and place a hand on his arm.
“Loki, stop.” Your words barely seem to register, fingers still moving, spinning faster with each passing second. “Loki, give me the remote.”
His fingers continue, arm nearly flinging you off as he turns the dial faster. The hunter’s gasps go in and out relentlessly. You can’t take it anymore. You don’t know what will happen if he continues, what repercussions it could have or damage it could do to the hunter.
“Loki, stop it! You’re hurting her!” Finally, your words pierce him. His hand pauses as she disappears again. When he looks into your frightened eyes, he throws the remote down and turns away. You were scared, but not of him. How could he know that though? He couldn't. He didn’t.
“I don't enjoy hurting people.” You walk over to the steps and sit. His eyes follow you the whole way. “I don't enjoy it.” You knew he repeated it just as much for himself as for you. He doesn’t want you to see him as a monster, but more than that, he doesn’t want to believe he is either. It was a fight he had constantly in your timeline. A constant struggle that you often aided with the comforting warmth of your powers. You couldn’t offer powers now though. You could only offer an ear and unwavering understanding.
“I know, Loki.” You motion him over, extending the invitation for him to sit beside you. Loki’s brows knit together, your willingness to actually hear him out causing a warmth to spread through him. Not only did you show no hesitation in wanting him to sit by you, your body language was open, allowing yourself to be vulnerable to any attack he may give. You trust him, even after everything you’d seen him do.
Loki takes the invitation, sitting beside you and finally allowing himself to breathe. Finally letting his guard down after so much time spent carrying its crushing weight.
“I do it because I have to, because I've had to.” The intentional correction isn’t lost on you. He knows what he did was wrong. He doesn’t want to live a life in fear anymore.
“Because it's part of the illusion. It's the cruel elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear.” You reach your hand out to hold his, but pull back quickly when the sound of footsteps fill the room..
Mobius stops in the far corner, watching. "A desperate play for control. You were right, kid. He came back." Loki’s walls rise back up, but not all the way. If you trusted Mobius enough to work beside him, perhaps he could as well.
“I’m a villain.”
You shake your head adamantly and search his eyes, desperately trying to tell him everything you can’t put into words. “You’re not.”
“That's not how we see it. Loki, we need you.” This catches Loki’s attention, guiding his focus to the agent in front of him. He stands, offering a hand out to you. You take it and he helps you rise.
"A fugitive variant has been killing my men. Our little energy bar here has been helping me look, but we need an expert.” Your eyebrows furrow. You had a feeling Mobius had been hiding something from you.
“So you need the God of Mischief to help you solve it. What makes me an expert?” Mobius says nothing, instead opting to look at you.
“Tell him.” Your jaw clenches. Your thoughts finally return to the church. The horned devil and knives. Mobius had known the whole time.
Loki turns to you expectantly. You take in a deep breath, bracing yourself.
“The variant is you.” His eyes widen, unsure of what you’re saying and nervous of what it meant. That same anxiety fills you. This other Loki...they’re not the same. They’re a different Loki. This person standing next to you is the Loki that you know, not the one you’re hunting. You had been sure it was him before, but you didn’t know if it was your Loki. Now you did.
“What do you say? Are we a team?” Mobius looks between the two of you, a small smile beginning to form on his lips.
Loki holds your gaze and you both ask the same silent question: are you?
Yes. The answer would always be yes.
a/n: ahh chapter two is done! im so excited to hear what you guys think. i really do appreciate any comments and interactions that you guys are kind enough to give, so please dont be shy! have a lovely day angels!
Tags: @adefectivedetective @peachlobotomy666 @unfortunatelyymuggle @st6jimmyandtheidiots @cheydanoa @thenerdyniallgirl @jessalynjones1989 @00schasez @lunala-luvgood @floweaus @fangirltrash15 @bandsruinedmylife @mydelusionalworld-7 @uada-animus @randomfangirl7 @effmigentlywithachainsaw @drakesfiance @phantomr0se @payton-1-jones @letscici @strangemaximoff @hassbite @magi-no-aladdin @littlesouthernrebel @jessiejunebug @coppercorn-and-cauldron @orighami @wrappedinlokisarms @dark-night-sky-99 @unicornsandgliiitter @themusingsofmany @darkprincessloki92 @lokiedokiee @shegatsby @cherrygeek86 @beckymarvel @daem-o-nium @help-i-need-a-social-life
if youd like to be added/removed from the taglist, just let me know!
2 notes · View notes