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ed-recovery-affirmations · 3 months

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What made you want to recover. I have anorexia and I don't want to recover I just want to get worse and worse until I'm sick enough. I'm in forced recovery but faking it as I just want to starve is there any reason to recover?

Hello anon, this is a difficult question to answer because for me, personally, it wasn't any one thing that made me want to recover. The truth is that when I started, I didn't understand the long-term effects of what I was doing to myself. I sort of knew about them, but the importance of being thin had been stressed to me all of my life and so I was in a self-destructive place where I was willing to make that choice again and again and risk throwing away my health for thinness. That's pretty fucked up, true, but again, I didn't understand the full extent of the damage I might be doing to myself.

I think it's also worth mentioning that I had an undiagnosed chronic illness and some trauma that I was quietly sitting on because I doubted my own perspective and my ability to access real help for these things. Because of this, I didn't have a frame of reference for mental and physical wellness, because I hadn't felt mentally or physically well for a very long time. Even now, looking back at symptoms I was experiencing, it is hard to know if I was experiencing these things due to my eating disorder or something else. I think it was all cumulative damage, to be honest. The eating disorder didn't help.

But looking back, I think I actually had an eating disorder long before I "decided" to start restricting food. I remember going through a growth spurt during puberty around age twelve and being hungry all the time, but we frequently had the kind of foods people call "junk food" in the house because that's what my parents bought. So that's what I ate a lot of, constantly, and my mother was constantly remarking on it in a negative way and trying to stop me. I have a very complicated relationship with my mother, and she raised me with a complicated relationship to food and body image. I remember doing fucked-up things like sneaking food into the bathroom with me so I could eat snacks in the shower unobserved, or hiding snacks under my bed, and just absolutely gorging on food at other times while knowing I was eating way past the point of being full and not knowing why I wanted to. So I officially decided to start restricting when I was fifteen, but the truth is that I had a fucked up relationship with food way earlier than that.

When I was nearing my seventeenth birthday, I experienced a breakdown in health due to chronic illness. I was suffering terribly. At the time I had this hippie friend who believed everything could be cured with the right diet and supplements. As I mentioned before, I was raised in a household where we didn't fully understand proper nutrition, and I had been raised eating a lot of low-nutrition meals. Because I had a stronger relationship with this friend than with my family, I bought into the mindset that if I got the right nutrients, I would be cured. And, in my mind, I had to get as many of those nutrients as possible as quickly as possible, so I immediately turned back to bingeing. But I was bingeing on a lot of high-nutrient hippie foods, so I didn't see a problem with this. I didn't understand that my relationship to the food wasn't fixed. I wasn't enjoying it, I was gorging on it, and between meals I was desperately anticipating the time I could gorge again. And because it was hippie food, I thought that this would cure me.

The thing was, after over a year of severe restriction, my GI system was wildly unprepared to handle the level of food-stuffing I was about to put it through - even though it was super-healthy hippie food. So I actually got sicker, experiencing the symptoms that come along with suddenly eating real portions after restriction. This led to me alternating between not understanding why the food wasn't working to cure me, to not understanding why I felt so addicted to eating. And this kick-started a violent binge-restrict cycle where I'd force myself to go hungry until certain times a day, at which point I'd unleash myself upon food and be unable to stop. Then I'd restrict again the next day to make up for it, get increasingly desperate for food, and you see the pattern. The binge-restrict cycle is so real.

So I was super trapped in that life and I wanted out. I knew I wanted to get out long before I actually started getting out. Because every time I binged, my immediate response was to hate myself and restrict. That was all I knew. By the time I even started to make a bit of progress on breaking that pattern, I had achieved enough real healing to understand that my restriction days had been a part of what led me down this hellish path and I didn't want to go back to that. To tell you the truth, in order to truly stay away from it - because I'll be real, I do get tempted to go back to restriction from time to time - I have to remind myself that while restricting feels like it would save me, it would only be a stepping stone back into that horrible pattern that kept me so sick and felt impossible to break. And I have to choose wanting better for myself.

Now, your story may not look like mine. So I'm not sure your motivation will end up looking like mine. But what do you need for yourself in order to want better for yourself?

You say you want to do this until you are sick enough. Can I just ask you to take a moment to ask yourself, what do you think is "sick enough?" Would you really stop when you got there, or would you just keep moving the goalpost until your body gave out? Because if you're stuck thinking "I have to do this till I'm sick enough" then believe me - you are sick enough. Your struggle counts. You don't have to wait until the damage is irreversible.

Because the thing is, when you start experiencing long-term sickness as a result - GI disorders, internal organ failure, etc - your suffering will be out of your control. Eating disorders feel like you're taking control, but you're not. And as someone who suffered with chronic illness for years, let me tell you, you don't want "sick enough." I can't tell you for sure what you do want, but allow me to take a guess. Maybe you want the validation that comes from being sick enough. Maybe you want to showcase how awful it got because you want people to care, to be concerned, to validate you. You want indisputable proof that you are well and truly fucked up, that you truly were hurt by whatever it is that hurt you.

The fact is, even some people who are sick enough to be on death's door, from some chronic illness or another, never get that validation or support. Our system is fucked up like that. But understanding that also means you don't have to wait for someone else to validate how hard you struggled and how much you've suffered. You're already sick enough. You don't have to wait for it to get worse in order to deserve better. So what do you need? What do you need in order to affirm to yourself that what you've been through is real? What do you need in order to feel you deserve to get better for real? What do you need in order to keep seeking out that desire to heal even when you're triggered as hell and struggling and forget all the breakthroughs you had once made and all you want to do is say "fuck it then, I'll self-destruct" because that's addicting in its own way?

I hope you're able to seek those answers in your treatment, anon. I hope you're able to affirm to yourself that you deserve to be more well than this, and to love yourself enough to fight for it?

#long post #recovery diaries #ed recovery #ana recovery #binge eating disorder recovery #healing journey #self affirmation #self worth

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growandrecover · 2 years

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things to do instead of engaging in your ed behaviors

take a shower

read a book

write a story

talk to your friends

research something that interests you

practice self care (whatever that means to you)

do something creative

if you’re religious, pray

listen to music that makes you happy

watch a show/movie that you enjoy

clean/organize your room

learn a new language

learn a new skill

go on a drive

hang out with your family

do your makeup

put on your favorite outfit

go to your favorite store

meditate

paint your nails

play video games

practice your hobby

sit outside if the weather is nice

unfollow any accounts that make you feel bad about yourself (or those that encourage eds)

watch body positive content

do your hair

make origami

rearrange your room

look at memes that make you laugh (not ed related, though)

go on Pinterest and make a board about something you're interested in

take a nap

make a list of what you need right now and try and see how many you can accomplish today

make sure you're nourished (please eat, guys, you need food to live)

if you need to talk, you can always message me or send me an ask <3

#ana recovery #mental health #mental heath support #ed recovery #recovery #ed recovery tips #mental illness #body posititivity #bed recovery #body positive #mia recovery #binge eating disorder recovery #orthorexia recovery

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bed-no-more · 1 year

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Binged last night on snacks and sandwiches. I think because I wa stressed about work and didn't end up following my dinner plan. I'm super tempted to restrict today, but I know I shouldn't, that it'll only make it worse.

#bed recovery #binge restrict cycle #binge eating disorder recovery #binge eating disorder

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teddybear-heart · 1 year

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About Me

I thought it might be a good idea to make a self-introduction post for a little more context into who I am and how this eating disorder affects me.

Online, I go by TeddyBearHeart, or just “Teddy” for short. This is obviously not my real name, as I still wish to remain anonymous. However, I will share how I got this name: the love of my life was sharing a dream about how he had dreamt that we were in a scary situation and I had said “my little teddy bear heart can’t handle all this” and it was so on-par with how I talk that we adopted its use into our waking life.

I am 24 years old, as of writing this in January 2023, and I live in southeast Wisconsin. I work a 12 hour night shift job as a EMS dispatcher.

I grew up in Kansas with a big adoptive family that became a broken home. Shortly after graduating high school, I was kicked out by my adoptive mother and struggled with homelessness for months. My first jobs were in fast food before I landed a job in healthcare, and I had stayed in the spare room of a kind stranger (not recommended!) before meeting the love of my life and moving in with him.

Just before the COVID-19 pandemic struck, we we able to move up here to Wisconsin. I struggled to find work, but happened to meet an EMS manager through one of the odd jobs I had taken at a bakery who liked me so much she gave me a recommendation to get me hired.

I was diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder on January 10, 2023 after being referred to a dietician to be put on a GERD diet for gastrointestinal issues. During the routine questioning about my eating habits, my dietician discovered a disturbing pattern that had been lying undetected since my childhood. Honestly, I can’t even say I was surprised when she told me, because I had known something had been wrong for a long time.

In addition to the eating disorder, I was at the highest weight I had ever been in my life. At only 5’3.5” tall, I was an entire 290.6 lbs with an estimated body fat percentage of 50% or higher. I did not feel healthy, I was not comfortable in my body, and the added weight exacerbated my pre-existing asthma.

Due to the “fat acceptance” movement and overwhelming diet culture, it was impossible to get anyone to take me seriously when I said I wanted to lose weight because I wasn’t feeling right. I feel like I had begged my PCP for resources and assistance in losing weight, but I had been told I “looked fine”.

Now that my eating disorder has been diagnosed and is being addressed, I feel much more confident that something is going to change.

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opal-eyed-girl · 9 months

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having an eating disorder and knowing the path of recovery really well is like, one day i'm like, "ugh should i eat this? maybe not... i mean the average human gains and loses 3-5lbs every day so whatever *eats in enjoyment*" and the next day i'm like, "WHY DID I EAT THATTTTTT I FUCKED UP" lmfao

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vitoria-virulent · 2 years

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once im under 100 kg IT WILL BE OVER FOR YOU bitches mark my words

#im so close to it lol #havent been under the 100s since middle school #so like 5 yeara ish #or 6 #obese ana #morbidly obese ana #fat ana #ed tw #binge eating disorder recovery #disordered eating #bed

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sandramiksaauthor · 7 months

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BRAIN OVER BINGE how to stop binging for good

#youtube #brain over binge #binge eating #binge eating disorder #binge eating disorder recovery #bed recovery #recovery #ed awareness #self help #food recovery #food addiction

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katgulb-wordpress · 2 years

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Journal Entry: Anxiety

⚠️ Trigger Warning: Anxiety & ED talk I’ve been experiencing a LOT of anxiety lately & I think it’s mostly due to stress. My parents went out of town a few days ago & will be gone for a total of 10 days. In that time, I’m going to have the responsibility of taking care of my son by myself…. I know most single moms do this all the time, but I don’t. I have ALWAYS had the help of my parents. (Not…

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eatme3 · 2 months

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im sorry, but i don't really think an addiction is a good substitute for not eating like... wym i should do c0caine to help me ⭐️ve????

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desultory-suggestions · 4 months

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You deserve peace. You deserve love. You deserve patience.

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ed-recovery-affirmations · 2 months

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For my fellow former binge eaters who now have to check in with themselves when they find themselves feeling what might be a compulsive urge, here's a self care tip that works massively for me.

Remind yourself that while you're choosing not to start in this moment, you can eat at any time if you identify feelings of hunger.

It's hard at first, because your body will find it hard to regulate how much it has compulsions, but a lot of my former compulsions came from my body's trauma around putting myself through food restriction. In the long run, reminding myself that I am only making a momentary self-reflection choice and I can choose to eat once the moment has passed can help reframe my feelings around the scarcity mindset and help me feel like food is not my enemy. I still don't need to only eat at the "right" times, or resist for a certain length of times, or ignore my body's needs because I'm scared of bingeing. I can make a temporary self-care choice and then maybe five minutes later I'll make a different choice. My self-care is based on adapting to my changing needs in the moment.

#ed recovery #self care #affirmations #scarcity mindset #binge eating disorder recovery #bed recovery

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growandrecover · 1 year

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ed recovery and the holidays

This time of year can be very stressful, especially for those with eating disorders! Most gatherings are centered around food, or at least have some kind of food there, and a lot of the time, that’s overwhelming to us, understandably so.

So here are some things that have helped me get through it :)

Allow yourself to have the food you enjoy if you can. It doesn’t have to be anything that will cause you intense fear, maybe just a bite to start off! I have a massive sweet tooth, and while I was in my eating disorder, any kind of sweets were a no no, but I missed them so much! I found that when I let myself have (and enjoy) the foods I loved, especially around Christmas when there are so many good sweets, it made the events more pleasant and also helped me step out of my ed shell.

If you gain any weight this month, please, please try not to let it get to you. I think most people know that around the holidays, people gain weight. It’s a fact well known by our society, and while the people you may be around could have unhealthy coping skills for this, please don’t let yourself succumb to them.

Going off of that last one, it seems like the holidays are huge for diet talk among loved ones. If you’re getting together with people, there’s a chance you may be exposed to some triggering topics. That’s not a reason not to attend events, it’s an opportunity to strengthen your recovery. As I’ve stated in a previous post, if anyone says anything to you about your body, what you’re eating, or how much you’re eating, do not be afraid to set boundaries. I’m a pretty non-confrontational person myself, so I know how hard this can be, but it can be as simple as changing the subject, or saying something (I put a little list below)

If you’d rather be more open, tell them as much as you’d like. Just know, it’s not your job to educate people, but you can certainly do so if you want!

If all of the people you’re around are involved in diet talk, do not feel bad about separating yourself from the conversation. Leave the room if you need to! There’s nothing wrong with that at all.

Practice mindfulness and grounding. Remind yourself what you��ve learned throughout your recovery journey and how far you’ve come. Even if you’re on day one, that’s still an accomplishment you should be proud of! The holidays will come and go, the parties will end, the get-togethers will end, and it won’t seem so prominent anymore. You can get through this.

Look at things as matter of factly as you can. This is something that always helps me, so I’m hoping it’ll help you, too. I start by asking myself if this is really what I want: Do I want to have all my thoughts consumed by my ed when I’m around my friends and family or do I want to try to enjoy my food and not worry (to the best of your ability, I understand that it’s very hard not to worry about something when you’re super focused on it) about the numbers, and have a nice time with the people I care about? I then go to: Your looks have nothing to do with your worth. You may be bigger or smaller than you were in the past, but you’re still beautiful! Your size does not determine your worth, nor does it define your beauty!

If you relapse: There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re not a failure. The progress you’ve made is not suddenly lost. Talk to someone you trust, or if you can get out of it by yourself, please be gentle and treat yourself with love and compassion. Life is not supposed to be about numbers, food, and other disordered behaviors. You’ll make it out, you’re strong and your ed does not control you.

Things you can do or say if someone says something to you about your body/weight/eating habits/etc

“Is it okay if we talk about this another time?”

“Let’s talk about this another time.”

“I’m not really comfortable talking about this.”

“Please don’t say that.”

“I’m not comfortable talking about diets/exercise/etc”

“Please don’t make comments about my body.” “Please don’t make comments about my eating habits.”

“I’m in recovery from an eating disorder, please don’t make comments like that.”

“I’m in recovery from an eating disorder.”

“So, how’s work?”

[simply ignore them]

[change the subject]

#ed recovery #ed recovery tips #ed recovery support #ed recovery christmas #ed recovery hannukah #ed recovery kwanzaa #ed recovery new years #recovery #mental health #mental health tips #ana recovery #mia recovery #binge eating disorder recovery #bed recovery #body positive #body positvity #body acceptance #body neutrality

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bed-no-more · 2 months

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I didn’t have a chance to take pictures but I had a little bowl of blueberries and a hard boiled egg with Sriracha for breakfast. I wasn't super hungry and this was pretty tasty.

I had some snacks at my desk - a seaweed pack and a handful of freeze dried apple slices. The apples were my favorite.

Lunch was a bologna and gouda sandwich on a bulkie with mayo, mustard, and arugula. Very good. Will definitely eat again. I also had a little bit of a very large granny Smith apple. Tasty, but I was getting full by then.

Hopefully I'll remember to take pictures of the rest.

#bed recovery #food #binge eating disorder recovery

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teddybear-heart · 1 year

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About This Blog

This is my personal blog to share my experiences in recovering from a mental illness known as Binge Eating Disorder (BED).

That being said, this is an eating disorder recovery blog, and therefore might be triggering to some people.

However, with as little literature as I can find about the nitty-gritty of recovering from this fairly obscure eating disorder, I thought it would be important to share my experiences on a public forum so that they may help someone else when they feel isolated or maybe even give guidance to someone who cannot afford treatment.

With Tumblr ultimately being a social media site, I understand that people may wish to comment, ask questions, or otherwise interact with this blog. I welcome this, as I believe open conversations lead to understanding, but I will not engage with blatant harassment. I ask others to follow my example in this and do not feed the trolls.

To anyone suffering with a restrictive eating disorder who may happen upon this blog, please be aware that due to the nature of my eating disorder, weight loss will eventually be a part of my recovery. I will do my best to tag any posts with such a trigger warning, but peruse this blog at your own risk.

In closing, please understand that the purpose of this blog is not to promote eating disorders as lifestyle choices, look down on anyone for having an eating disorder, enable diet culture, give medical advice, or shame anyone for their weight or eating habits.

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pansyboybloom · 3 months

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I need people to realize that binge eating disorders aren’t just ‘overeating’. this is a disability, this is a mental illness, it is a disorder, not a moral failing and people, esp fat people, with it are not pathetic or weak willed or gluttonous or disgusting. We’re people, and deserve to be treated as such.

Support your friends who binge. Don’t make assumptions. Do research and watch out for fatphobia and diet culture centered rhetoric. Respect us, regardless on how or why or when we do or do not recover. Show us love, because god knows very few people do

#reblogs appreciated (no pressure)#eating disorder #disordered eating #ednos #binge eating #eating disorder recovery

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vitoria-virulent · 2 years

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i ve been off track for the last weeks now... this is my final day of binging, tommorow is a dreaded weight in, and i think i ll have 100 kg again.. monday is a fresh start, gonna do clean omad again (just green tea, black coffe, and lemon water), while as healthy as i can, and walking everyday. first week i ll do about 4 km everyday, second week about 7, and third week i ll do 10k everyday. planning to lose 1 kg per week, goal weight is to hit 79 kg ( 174 pounds) by Halloween.

i can do this.

#disordered eating #obese ana #ana #bed #binge eating #binge #binge eating disorder #binge eating disorder recovery #fat ana #ed account

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