#anyways i never went back to her. i still seethe a bit when i think abt it

[mars-ipan]

Ya got any rants stored up? Long-burning hatred?

i FINALLY found one i’ve been holding onto this ask waiting for the opportunity.

i HATE how people treat people with anxiety disorders. it’s endless pity mixed with complete incompassion

like ok. obligatory i have generalized anxiety disorder here. a lot of things make me stressed and when i’m having bad anxiety attacks (which can last days and sometimes put me into month-long spells of misery) i get physically sick, to the point of throwing up and fever. i also tend to go nonverbal/low-verbal during these periods of time (usually bc i’m nauseous.) i’m also very prone to migraines and have a tic and wear a night guard due to jaw clenching etc etc you get the point it affects me.

when i share these symptoms with people (assuming they don’t have similar symptoms) i get a lot of frowny faces. “owh i’m sorry :( that must be awful how horrible“ and the like. and it’s never said in a way that’s actually kind. it’s said in the way people talk about those aspca commercials. and it’s never actually come from a place of genuine concern- it’s superficial pity apparently meant to placate me. i hate it

and that’s assuming i even get that reaction at all! usually when i try to explain to someone that i’m experiencing symptoms of some sort like “hey i’m sorry i can’t really be productive right now, i’ve got a lot of brain fog” i am ALWAYS dismissed. EVERY time. maybe it’s because i’m quite skilled at coping and masking. maybe it’s because my panic attacks don’t (always) look like wailing and thrashing and choking on air. but for some reason people don’t seem to understand that yes my anxiety disorder is actually disabling for me sometimes. i will ask for an accommodation i need, be compared to someone else with different needs from me, and then be told i need to just suck it up and deal with it. and i am SO! TIRED! OF! IT!!!! the amount of times i’ve told people “hey please don’t say that to me i’m prone to paranoia about xyz” and then been yelled at because “it’s not that serious take a joke” is ABSURD. hey maybe stop telling me my cough is covid bc now i have to spend the next 3 hours reminding myself that i don’t have any other symptoms asshole!!! jesus

and THEN when i actually DO find a way to cope or utilize the way my brain works or god forbid crack a fucking joke about it people get mad at me. “see i knew it wasn’t a big deal” or “so you’re actually fine” or “that’s not funny” i am. so tired of it

and then i go online and see people saying that disorders like anxiety and depression have been destigmatized and we’re treated basically the same in neurotypical society. motherfucker i did not go undiagnosed for 17 years with several doctors telling me it “wasn’t anything to worry about” despite my family history and clear signs from a young age just to be told my disorder is respected. if i say my anxiety is a disability i get called dramatic and am told to stop taking attention away from people who need it- or not to call it a disability because “it’s not that bad” and i’m fine because clearly having a disability makes every second of your life miserable of course of course. hell anxiety is demonized too! not as badly as many other illnesses but it’s still demonized!!! if i tell people “hey i have anxiety so please be careful with xyz” they act like i just asked them to let me do anything i want without consequence. there’s literally a whole fucking stereotype of people using “anxiety” as an excuse to be lazy or an asshole or entitled. as someone whose anxiety manifests in depressive spirals (freeze response) and rejection sensitivity (doom spiraling) this is Not Great!!!!! like i am hypervigilant about enough things i do not need to add “will these people get mad if i explain how my brain works” to the list

and about the rejection sensitivity. i HATEEEEE when people judge me for crying because they’re upset at something i’ve done wrong. “mars if you’re in the wrong then you’re not the victim” who the fuck said i think i’m the victim???? i cry because my brain takes “can you pls stop doing this it genuinely bugs me” and turns it into “you’re a horrible person how could you do this to someone they hate you.” but just because that happens doesn’t mean i’m not capable of rational thought!!! i KNOW realistically that my friends are good communicators and share that stuff because they like my company. i just need to cry about it as well. that doesn’t negate my logic or say i won’t actually try to improve myself. i’m just upset that i made the mistake. obviously i’m gonna fix it. that one REALLY pisses me off esp when i warn someone in advance that i do that. like calm the fuck down i’m not even pointing out that i’m crying rn this isn’t about me stop making it about me.

ANYWAYS. it’s really frustrating to deal with this shit from nts and then go to an online nd space for community and hear people talk about anxiety disorders like we don’t face ableism. just because it’s quieter doesn’t mean it isn’t there. that AND the “it’s barely an issue” girlie i was told i wasn’t disabled enough by doctors my whole damn life i am NOT about to start hearing it from you too. you can drown in the ocean or a swimming pool or a puddle. doesn’t fucking matter. the hypocrisy irritates me so bad

#ask #ghost #marzirants #i am sick of being told i’m normal and then getting yelled at for being myself #if anyone is an ass on this post and doesn’t consider the context or nuance within i will kill :) #anywho thx ghost. that one’s been simmering for a but #a bit* whoopsies #once before i got dxed i was trying out a new therapist #and after an in-depth explanation of my fear around driving and the built up shame i had from still just having my permit #she told me to ‘just get in the car and drive’ #girl do you think i didn’t try that. my whole issue is that i can’t ‘just’ do it i was hoping we could work on the THREE MENTAL BLOCKS there #anyways i never went back to her. i still seethe a bit when i think abt it #anywho. sick and tired of being denied help and then chastised when i survive anyways #like yeah i’m alive. be a lot FUCKING better if you just gave me a hand though #but noooo because i’m not falling apart in front of you clearly i’m dramatic #tbf i have an incredibly high pain tolerance and have been an expert masker since i was a child #but still. not all disability is visible asshat. am i supposed to be able to function on my own or not why is there no right answer #anywho i’ve always felt a lot of connection to those with chronic fatigue #probs bc we both have deal with ‘it’s not that big a deal’ or ‘you’re being lazy/sensitive’ or ‘just suck it up’ #not to mention constant anxiety is EXHAUSTING. fight-or-flight takes up so much energy dude

[luxesiren]

⸻ 𝐀𝐖𝐊𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃; a.arlert x black reader

(ও) synopsis; why were you going back to him again and again? maybe it was because you loved him but it was clear he didn’t love you

(ও) warnings; black fem!reader, uses she/her pronouns, thick/chubby reader, slight angst, friends with benefits relationship, one-sided feelings, emotionally-closed off!armin (but like not really?) , toxic!armin, smut warnings; fingering, dirty talk, riding, car sex, public sex, handjob, rough sex, unsafe sex

(ও) author’s note; hey! i’m back with another armin fic, this one is kinda angsty though but y’know armin brainrot🤭 also lyrics are in bold & italics

wc; 2.7k

the thing is you were in love with one armin arlert. you were and you couldn’t deny it anymore and with that, you suddenly knew how you got here, in the back of his car being fucked even though he didn’t love you back.

you and armin were in college but you’ve known each other for a long time and over that time you caught yourself being infatuated with him but then the infatuation turned into a crush and then that crush turned into love and fuck, if that wasn’t a bad idea.

see, armin for as long as you’ve known him — he’s always been emotionally closed off, he never really smiled and you couldn’t tell if he was happy or sad or even angry. he was just kinda void? void of all emotions and feelings so you wondered why you were in love with him.

all that wander went away when he showed just a tiny bit of emotion with you whether it was when you watched his favorite anime and you asked him questions and you could see the glimmer in his eyes and a small smile or when he got your favorite snacks and you said thank you and hugged him tightly.

everything changed so quickly. one night you went over to his house in tears and clinging onto his shirt as he stood there awkwardly and rubbed your back. as you both sat on his bed, you told him that your boyfriend at the time cheated on you and to your surprise he was seething.

that was the first time you’d seen armin angry. you were used to his stoic expressions and cold demeanor but this was different. he wanted to go after that man and hurt him but you quickly jumped up and stopped him because you didn’t want armin out there getting himself into trouble.

your fingers curled in his shirt as you stood in front of his bedroom door, blocking him from going out. you felt his hands grip your waist and pull you close to him — the surprise on your face was evident as he lifted your chin with his finger and kissed you senselessly.

you sighed into the kiss, your thighs clenched together hoping to stop your leaking pussy but to no avail and it wouldn’t have mattered anyways because his hands found their way to your soaked panties and started to play with your drenched pussy.

you didn’t think the whole thing through.

you didn’t think about it when he licked up every single drop of wetness that seeped from your pussy, you didn’t think about it when you were mouthing over his dick through his boxers before he got tired and put it in your mouth and fucked your throat. you definitely didn’t think about it when your thighs were over his shoulders and you were screaming his name. no, not at all.

you thought about it all when you left in the morning with hickies littering your neck and a limp to match your mood. you thought about the whole night when you left him laying in his bed still asleep without saying bye.

you wanted to know what the hype was all about

so i came by

then we fucked a little bit and i was out

did not say bye

all of it had been in your mind for days on end. it was worth it but should you do it again?

~~~~

it happened again.

this time you knew why. maybe you did it on purpose to gain his attention but it worked, it worked all too well. after the first time, armin called you countless times to talk about how you left things but you couldn’t talk about it yet, you couldn’t talk about how he fucked you better than any of your boyfriends, not yet.

and yet, here you were, dancing on some random guy at a frat party to gain armin’s attention — you didn’t even know what you were doing but you knew you wanted him so badly. the guy you were dancing with wasn’t even aware that you were using him, no, he didn’t know but it didn’t matter.

what mattered was the piercing gaze of blue eyes that watched your every moment, the calculating gaze not moving away from your body and how it moved. his eyes searching every part of you from your tits that sat prettily in that tank crop you wore to the mini skirt that looked like a belt and down to your thick thighs that he wanted to feel around his head again.

before you knew it, the man you were dancing with was on the ground and armin was dragging you upstairs to the nearest bedroom in the house. “you thought i wouldn’t know that you’re trying to get my attention? acting like a slut in front of everyone just for me.” he spat out once he closed the door and locked it.

you just crossed your arms with a small pout, “who said i was doing it for you?” you lied and he could tell.

“you left me alone in my bed after our night together and you just thought i would forget, that i would let you go? fuck, no. you’re mine.”

the shiver that went through your body should’ve been illegal but hearing him say that was the highlight of your night, “yours? who said that?”

he chuckled, “i did.”

then his lips crashed into yours and you immediately grabbed onto his shoulders and kissed him back. his tongue sliding into your mouth next to yours made every intrusive thought go away and again, you weren’t thinking about the consequences.

not when his dick was sliding in and out of your pussy so deliciously dragging against your walls and making your toes curl, “armin, mmph!! yes, right there!”

his hips snapped against yours and you just laid there and took it all, took every rough snap of his hips, took every slap to your cheeks and you screamed his name so everyone in that house knew just how good his dick was.

this is more than a friendship

now i made it awkward

why did you let me do it?

i made it, i make awkward

~~~~

there was another time but that time you wanted to end it because your feelings started to get involved and you’re relationship was nothing more than two friends who occasionally fuck each other and it was hurting you.

but armin didn’t care. no, not even a little bit.

you watched as some girl you’ve never met before went up to armin and started to flirt with him and he was flirting back with her, with no regard for you and your feelings about it.

he still took you back to his place and you guys still fucked as usual but you felt off, you were jealous. jealous of that girl who spent the whole flirting with armin and armin who let her instead of pushing her away and saying that he was already in a relationship— but that wasn’t what this was.

you felt him cum inside you and as he caught his breath and pulled out, you contemplated asking him about the girl but would he even tell you? usually, he had a way of making you forget your worries, and usually, they didn’t trouble you like this.

“min?”

he hummed in response, his eyes closed and his arm around your waist.

“who was that girl? the one you were talking to on campus?” your heart beating so fast against your rib cage and it wasn’t because of the sex.

he quirked an eyebrow, “who? annie?”

“i guess. the blonde one?”

“yeah, annie. what about her?” armin asked, confused by the random question.

how would you ask without sounding jealous? or without trying to be possessive of your fuck buddy? “are you guys together?”

his eyes snapped to yours and he looked surprised that you asked that but he also looked guilty. you could slowly feel your heart start to break and for what? you guys weren’t together, this whole thing was just occasional, you didn’t even fuck every day but you were with each other every day and he made you feel special like no one else did.

fuck, you really did love him.

“no, we aren't but we fucked before. if that’s what you mean,” he said it so casually like it didn’t mean anything but it meant something to you because while you were waiting on him, he was with her and that was a huge slap to the face.

that alone spiraled into something more. you argued, there were tears involved on your end and a bunch of yelling on armin’s end.

“you were fucking her this whole time? were you just playing with me?” you were angry.

“why does it matter? i’m with you! i’m with you right now and i’ll be with you tomorrow.”

“fuck you, armin.” you never meant to say that but it came out.

that night you left him, just like the first time. armin yelled after you, he wanted you to come back and it was hard to just keep walking as you heard him call your name in the dead of night.

that was three months ago.

i cannot love everybody, but you isn’t anybody

you look at me different, so i let you see my body

(body, body, body)

now we don’t speak at all

~~~~

you couldn’t deny that you missed armin and it was fucked up how things conspired but you thought it was for the best.

it was for the best…

it was for the best, right?

if it was for the best then why were you closing the door to armin’s car that was parked across the street from your house? why were you nervous to see him after three months of ignoring him?

what were you doing?

you sat in the passenger seat waiting for a pin to drop, it felt like forever before one of you said something, “why’d you call me?” you asked, hoping you’d like the answer.

“i missed you.”

you scoffed, “no you didn’t, i’ve seen you with annie. you didn’t miss me.”

he chuckled, “you been watching me? i’m flattered.”

you rolled your eyes and looked away, “she know you here with me?”

he shook his head, “nah she doesn’t know and she doesn’t have to know either.”

you laughed bitterly, “fuck you mean? armin, you hurt me. you can’t just keep coming back and neither can i because i can’t do this.”

you moved to get out of the car but armin’s hands were on your face and pulling you into a kiss, you wanted to pull away and leave but your mind just shouted at you to stay.

fuck, you missed him.

you loved him.

his blue eyes becoming black from the arousal bubbling within him as he pulled back to look at you, you were drawn in again, just like before. you couldn’t take it anymore and you just had to get it out of your system, “we can’t keep doing this, you’re not mine and you can’t keep telling me that i’m yours when all you wanna do is fuck me.”

he didn’t listen and neither did you. he was back to kissing you deeply, his tongue tangling with yours and you quietly moaned into the kiss. your hands landing on his thighs and caressing them softly through his jeans, his hands cradling your face and pulling you impossibly closer.

your hands fumbled with his zipper as you tried to quickly unbutton them, you were starting to grow desperate and you just needed him right then, his hip lifting on their own accord so you could pull down his pants and start to touch him. you didn’t realize how much you missed touching him until you were touching him again.

your hands continued to pull at his boxers while your lips stayed locked with each other, you pulled away as your hand wrapped around his hardening dick — his tip leaking precum and it looked so beautiful.

armin pushed his hair back and groaned softly, his dick twitching in your hand, more precum oozing from his tip and down his shaft making the glide so much smoother. his lips met yours again and you both moaned into the kiss, teeth clacking together as armin kept moaning and groaning while your hand moved up and down.

your fist tight around him and jerking him fully, hoping to make him cum, he pulled your hand off and kissed your neck, sucking softly before pulling away, “wanna cum inside you.”

you moaned loudly, your pussy pulsing and clit twitching at the thought of armin cumming inside you. you hadn’t felt him in months and you wanted to relish in the feeling of him sliding in and out of you.

the craziest thing about this whole thing was the toxicity and the absurdity of the situation but you couldn’t care, no thoughts resided in your head as you both moved to the backseat and you threw your shorts and panties off to the side and his fingers slid inside you.

you missed the feel of his fingers dragging against your walls and his thumb circling your clit. his index and middle curling inside you just right and making you see stars, “baby, i missed this. i missed you.”

you mewled out and gripped his shoulders, bringing him into a kiss — you didn’t wanna hear his lies anymore. you couldn’t bear it anymore, not the lying, not the empty promises. maybe you could take a page out of his book and close yourself off so you couldn’t get hurt by how much he didn’t love you.

your legs were shaking as his thrusts became faster, and the sounds in the car were too mortifying to focus on but you felt how good he was making you feel. his lips landed on your stomach and kissed all over your body while his fingers proceeded to take you apart.

he added a third finger and pushed all of them inside you, going in and out and making you scream in the car, “min, fuck, min, please..”

he loved when you begged him, he always did. he didn’t waste any time pulling his fingers out of you and pulling you into his lap. you hovered over his dick and you grabbed ahold of him and started to sink down, you both groaned in unison as you sunk down your pussy automatically sucking him in as if he was finally home.

your hands gripped his shoulders as you began to bounce on his dick, slowly going up before slamming back down and repeating the process — his hands gripping your hips and guiding you, the whole thing was dizzying.

“armin, fuck, i missed you so much.”

he nodded as his breath got heavy and his hips moved to meet yours, you two moved perfectly and were always in sync with each other like your bodies fit together and were meant for each other but sadly, it wasn’t meant to be.

his dick dragging against your velvety walls and his thumb pressing down on your clit gently, practically begging you to cum. your legs were starting to get tired from bouncing on him but the pleasure was too good to give up on and you wanted it to last forever.

you threw your head back and moaned loudly, the pleasure becoming too much and your arousal already clouded your judgment and you were ready to cum, you were seeing stars and it was the best feeling in the world.

glimpses of your entire relationship flooding your vision as you started to cum on his still-pistoning cock, it was so fucking good and you didn’t feel any guilt for annie because you didn’t care, “mmph!! i’m cumming, fuck!!”

your legs shaking and finally cumming, armin watched as you fell apart in his arms. maybe this time he realized just how much he really loved you, just how much you sacrificed for him, and fuck, he was selfish for wanting to keep you with him.

he finally realized that he loved you but he would never tell you.

now i regret it all

still, it was worth it

i would do it again

i know you hurt me, but

it is just deeper than friendship…

© 𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐡𝟒𝐥𝐥 | do not steal, repost, or copy to another website such as wattpad and ao3, reblogs and comments are appreciated!

🏷; @venusflytrapstar @phorxic @takemichiluvr @blkcupid @arlertwitch

#✭ siren writes #armin brainrot fr #armin x reader #armin aot #armin x black reader #armin attack on titan #armin arlet smut #armin arlert #snk armin #armin

[strangersteddierthings]

Porcelain Steve - Part 4

Part One🦇Part Two🦇Part Three🦇Part Four🦇Part Five🦇Part Six🦇Part Seven🦇Part Eight🦇Part Nine

"I don't think this is a good idea," Nancy says, a week later, as she takes a step back. She doesn't seem aware of the physical distance she's added between herself and Robin, but more importantly, herself and Steve in Robin's outstretched arm.

Robin frowns, pulling Steve back towards her body, eyes flicking to meet with Eddie's where he's been hovering awkwardly off to the side, feeling so very out of place. He was going to stay in the van, but when they arrived Robin had raised an eyebrow and said 'aren't you coming?' So, he'd climbed out and followed her into the Wheeler's living room, where he is now.

"What?" Robin asks.

Nancy crosses her arms and looks off to the side. "We shouldn't pass the doll around like this. The more we move it, the bigger chance of someone breaking it."

"It?" seethes Robin, "Steve is not an it!"

"Shit, no, Robin I know that. I didn't mean to say that out loud," Nancy says, then her face screws up as she immediately regrets saying that. "I don't mean that, either. I just, this is. Difficult. For me."

Eddie can't help the scoff that leaves him at that. As if Nancy is the only one taking this harshly. If she knew how long Dustin had cried into his chest two days ago she'd probably have a bit more perspective. Eddie's come to realize she's a badass with a shotgun, a great strategist in dire situations, but when it comes to being a person with emotions and feelings? He's not sure Nancy learned how to do that.

That might be unfair of him to say because he didn't know Nancy before spring break of '86 and didn't really get to know her before she packed up and went to college. This is the first summer since then, so still not a whole lot of 'hanging out and getting to know Nancy Wheeler time' has happened.

He did get to know Jonathan and Argyle, though. Got to hear about her past with Jonathan and Steve (Eddie feels a bit like an idiot for everything he said about Nancy to Steve during the worst week of his life, but he's used to being embarrassed by things he says and pretending he's not). So, he's heard about her steamrolling over people's emotions with her own logic and wants, though can concede it never seems to be intentional.

He tries to lower his hackles because Robin's already on the defensive and Eddie doesn't know Nancy. Just knows of her from people she's hurt, which is almost always a biased retelling anyway.

"Like it's not difficult for all of us?" Robin asks.

"No, that's not what I meant. Just- give me a moment!" Nancy whips around, so that neither Robin or Eddie can see her face. Her shoulders heave up and down like she's taking several deep breaths.

Eddie moves into Robin's space but hovers just beside her, unsure if she'd welcome a hand on her shoulder or not. She huffs out a sigh, as if able to read his mind, and the next thing he knows she's weaseling her way in between him and his own arm, using him as a leaning post like she might with Steve if he were, y'know, still a human and not a doll. He's not used to how touchy Robin is yet because she's only like this with Steve but he's getting there. He's not Robin's soulmate, and he's not trying to be, but he does want to be there for her while Steve can't.

"I'm surprised you're giving her space to think," Eddie whispers into the top of Robin's head.

"Yeah, well, Steve doesn't need to hear us arguing. It's like, all he hears lately."

He pats her arm with his hand since she's draped his arm across her shoulders.

Nancy finally turns around. "Can. Can we put Steve up in my room? I have to say some things that I'm not ready for him to hear yet."

"Oh." Robin says, before offering Steve out.

Nancy takes him, muttering a soft, "I'm sorry, Steve." before she disappears up the stairs.

"What's on your mind, Wheeler?" Eddie asks, breaking the silence that had settled uncomfortably since Nancy's return to the living room.

"I don't really think of Steve as an it. I don't. It's just- easier for me to think of the solution if I'm not thinking about how that's really Steve. I know that's Steve, that he's been transformed, but if I acknowledge that, think about it too much, I spiral. I've taken to just... thinking about some abstract magic doll instead of Steve. So, that was- it was an accident. I didn't mean to say it."

He feels Robin nodding her head, adjusting her stance as she crosses her arms.

Nancy continues, "I don't think Steve should spend time here. With Mike or I. We aren't- it's not going to be good for Steve. He's not going to feel welcomed or wanted here. Except maybe for with Holly, but she cannot know he's here. She'd try and play with him."

Eddie frowns. He understands that Mike isn't going to part of the Hang Out With Porcelain Steve rotation, because whatever beef they have can't be fixed while Steve's like this, and until it's fixed, that would just be torture for both of them. He's not sure why Nancy thinks she'd be just as bad, though, so he asks, "No Holly, no Mike. Why are you also a no?"

The look on Nancy's face is comical, a mix of indignation, sadness, and a bit of how can you seriously not already know the answer mixed. "Because I won't hang out with him. I can't be walking around my house with a porcelain doll that looks like my ex-boyfriend. He'll be left, probably face down, on my dresser, until someone else's turn comes around."

"You could put in the effort, you know. It's not going to kill you to pretend to care for a day," Robin says.

Nancy sucks in a sharp breath. "I do care! Just because I don't want to cuddle with Doll Steve and tell him all about my day doesn't mean I don't care. Just because I don't express my feelings and emotions the same way you do doesn't mean I don't have them."

"Ok, right, yeah, that was unfair of me," Robin concedes, "but what's the part you aren't saying? None of this sounds like something you had to lock Steve in your room for. It's understandable, and Steve wouldn't hold it against you, you know."

"I know! I do! That's why I can't. There's- Robin, you have to know. Steve and I aren't- we're still more like ex's than friends. It's... complicated. We're working on it, though, the being friends thing. But it's..."

"Complicated," Robin sighs, stepping away from Eddie now, halfway to Nancy before she stops walking, hands on her hips.

"That spring break, it fucked us all up, and the months that followed, but I was so- Steve and I were dancing around each other, and Jonathan and I were good, then not, on and then off and then on. And I-I led Steve on, because I would turn to him when Jonathan and I were fighting, or on a break, or whatever-" Nancy stops to take a breath.

Eddie feels something ugly rising in him, jealousy and anger. He doesn't have any right to be jealous. Steve and he are friends, and Steve's straight so it's not like Eddie ever even had a chance, but he's jealous anyway. That Nancy gets that kind of attention from Steve. That she can just keep pieces of Steve on a string, enjoying him when she wants and discarding him when she doesn't. Anger that she can just treat Steve like a yoyo and get away with it.

A little angry at Steve, too, for letting her do it.

"Did you and Steve have sex while you and Jonathan were together?" Robin seethes.

"No! No! There was one time, Jonathan and I were off-again and I tried- but no!" Nancy is pink in the face, and Eddie's surprised she even answers. It's not his or Robin's business if they did. He thinks she might only be answering honestly because it's Robin asking. "Steve said no. He told me he wasn't going to do that the Jonathan. Because he knew what it felt like to be on that side. And even now that Jonathan and I are done, moved on, Steve and I aren't- so it's complicated."

That's news to Eddie. He thought Nancy and Jonathan were still a couple. He's a little shocked to learn that Nancy is confirmed available and Steve didn't jump on the chance.

"Oh! I get it, now, why this is not a good idea," Robin says. Great that she knows, because Eddie still doesn't. "He said no, didn't he?"

Who said no to what?

Nancy's eyes snap to Robin. "What?"

"When you asked Steve to be your boyfriend again. He said no."

"He told you-?"

"No," Robin interrupts, "Steve would never, and you know that. I just know Steve, and the one thing he would never tell me about if it happened. That's why you don't want him here."

"You're in love with him!" Eddie blurts because he's also just figured it out and like Robin often does, has no brain to mouth filter.

Nancy looks to Eddie now, a small frown on her face. "Possibly. But it doesn't matter because I had my chance and it's over now. So, I can't have him here. Not while he's like this."

"I'll go get him," Robin says, leaving the living room.

"Eddie," Nancy locks eyes with him. The look on her face is pretty intense. "He told me no because he thought he was in love with someone else."

He blinks back at her. "Were you hoping he told me who? 'Cause he didn't. That's a question better left for Robin."

All he gets in response is an eye roll.

#steddie #platonic stobin #porcelain steve #i think steve and nancy could become friends again one day #but like... maybe in 1995 or something like that #after plenty of time has past #its rough to stay friends with an ex you were in love with #wheres the rest of the wheeler family you might ask #good question. out somewhere doing something #my fic

[gayerthanevertbh]

labyrinth

pairings: older!natasha x young!reader

warnings: g!p natasha romanoff, oral sex, cum swallowing, and dirty talk - MINORS DNI.

summary: your sister cheated on her wife, so the broken wife takes an interest in you instead. was everything just a rebound between the two of you? or is there something more?

notes: i want to make this a series but i don’t know yet, i want to hear your opinion on this one shot first before i do anything else. i hope you enjoy reading!

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“Wanda and I agreed that we won’t see anyone until the divorce finalizes,” Natasha said with a sniffle, wiping her tears away from her eyes. Her therapist, Nora, only nods while soothing the woman’s back out of comfort. “S-She will be leaving my house once everything’s done.”

“Do you have a child with Wanda?” Nora asked her quietly; the woman shook her head. It was a relief for Natasha since it would’ve been a lot harder if they ever had a child – and they couldn’t have a child.

They just couldn’t, no matter how much Natasha wanted to.

“No.”

“Everything will be sorted out,” she tells her with a convincing voice, a voice that tells Natasha that everything will be fine when it won’t ever be fine. She soothes again, “You just need a lawyer, okay? Once you do, then we can go to court. Does Wanda have a lawyer?” the other woman nodded. “I see, well I have to give you some phone numbers that you could talk to, they’re the best in this state. Please contact them as soon as you get home.”

“What if I’m still in love with her?” Natasha sobs out, rubbing the back of her hair with so many questions and whys in her head. Why? Why did you cheat on me? Why ME? Why does it have to be like this? Is he better at fucking you? Does he have a lot of money? Why, why, why?

“You could never out-love someone, Natasha.”

Nora was right; she could never just out-love Wanda – how can she? Wanda was her first love, it was merely impossible at this point.

“I wish she never did it,” she mumbles, staring at the ground as more tears streamed down her face. Natasha felt angry, confused, and conflicted. One moment, she wanted to beg for her love and now all she could see was fire and red at the same time; Wanda was flammable, she was toxic for Natasha’s thirst; a venom. She grips her gray buttoned-up shirt and mumbles again with a seething tone, “I wish I could kill her. I wish she could die in a car crash so that I won’t have to think about her again.”

“Let it all out,” Nora said. “Just let it all out, Natasha.”

And she did.

hey tash, can i go to your place real quick? wanda is asking me to get some of her clothes. i think she’s going on a date.

Oh. Yeah, sure. You could stay for a bit if you want, I’m on my way home anyway.

where were you?

I went to see my therapist, Y/n.

i’m sorry, i just wanted to know how you’re doing. my sister is really unforgivable in this situation, I'm sorry you had to go through that tasha.

Can we talk more when I get there? I actually want to give you something :)

yay! what is it?

Just wait in my living room, I’m almost there.

Okay!

As I waited patiently in her living room, I thought about the brighter times when Natasha and Wanda were happy together. This home used to be so full of laughter and happiness that I couldn’t even begin how beautiful this home was. Now, it’s just quiet and lonely; tragic and sorrowful. Her plants at her door area were wilting, and her big living room lamp was broken; I could only see the metal rod was bent. This home is lonely, too lonely and quiet – I felt awkward staying on her couch.

“Been waiting for me?”

I turned around and saw Natasha bringing bags of groceries (she only brought two and they looked light) as she strode into the kitchen area, where she dispatches the things she needed for her refrigerator. I immediately stood up and followed her, giving me an instinct that I should help her out.

“Let me help you, Tash–”

“Go sit back down Y/n,” she said, smiling tightly at me. “I got this, okay? I’ll bring you a glass of apple juice, I can handle this.”

I sat back down and waited for her. Once she was finished, she walked back and sat down beside me, placing two glasses of apple juice on the wooden coffee table that she built for Wanda a few years ago. I could still remember the look on my sister’s face when Natasha gave her this table.

And now, the table looks depressing, as if a flower is wilting.

“I’m happy that you’re here,” she said with a smile; bringing the rim of her glass to her lips. “You know, I was supposed to ask you to come over so we could watch a movie together.”

“I’m glad we’re still close,” I said, holding the glass in both of my hands. “I know Wanda has been… irresponsible with your marriage, but I’m happy that you still choose to talk to me even though I’m her sister.”

“I mean, I’ve known you ever since you were just a little girl,” a chuckle came from Natasha’s lips. “And now you’ve blossomed into this… beautiful girl. Your mother has raised you well.”

“I guess you could say that.”

As we exchanged laughter, we clinked our glasses together and drank from them simultaneously. I was about to stand up when I felt her hand on my knee, suddenly pulling me to sit back down out of instinct.

“Is there anything you need?” I asked Natasha quietly.

She shakes her head. “Not really, I really could use some company right now.”

“How’s your therapy session? Did it go well?”

“Nora was alright,” she answered, leaning against the back of the couch. “I guess it helped a bit. I still want to murder your sister, that’s for sure.”

“I totally understand if you do,” I said. “She has been nothing but an ass lately.”

“She’s more of an ass than me?” quirked Natasha, raising her left eyebrow and looking at me with those damn hooded eyes – I could’ve sworn she was slightly flirting with me. Natasha Romanoff was known to be a jackass, an adult who likes to be an asshole for the laughs and giggles. But lately, she’s been vulnerable; helpless; hazed with anger. I could hardly blame her for being this angry with my older sister, Natasha has done nothing but treat Wanda as if she was the love of her life.

And maybe that’s why I get a little insecure whenever I see them together because I’ve always had a small crush on Natasha (that I still hope she doesn’t have an idea that I do have a crush on her) and maybe that’s a little unfortunate for me since there was no percentage of us being together or having that kind of fling where I could say that woman feels for me the same way I do.

It was merely impossible.

“You could say that.”

Natasha scoots closer to me until both of our thighs touch. After placing her glass back on the table, she yawned as the day began to clear. I try to think of other words to create a conversation with her; nothing comes across my head.

Finally, she asked: “How’s school? When will you be graduating?”

“In a few months,” I answered, fidgeting with my fingers.

“What university will you be going to?”

“Probably in New York so I could stay closer to Pietro.”

“And Wanda? Will she be in New York?”

“No, she’ll be staying here,” I replied. There was a look of relief on Natasha’s face that I can’t distinguish – it’s hard to tell whether she was satisfied with that information or not. I was about to ask why until she said, “I’ll be in New York for a couple of years, you know, to get away from this fucking madness.”

“I understand,” I said. “When will you be moving?”

“Once I finalize my divorce with Wanda, then I will go,” she replied, prompting her elbow on the couch and using her free hand to support her head. She was beautiful like this, natural and calm. It was short, really short. It’s almost as if she was pulling out “revenge hair” as her hair darkens, leaning on a brown color – which suits her perfectly well. Needless to say, she was beautiful; eye-catching.

I nodded deeply and looked away. But I felt her thumb and index finger holding my chin, turning me to look at her again; almost gazing at her. I dug my hands in between my thighs, and almost whimpered when her lips were close to mine.

She was about to kiss me, she was going to kiss me.

“Have you ever been kissed?”

“I-I have,” there was no reason for me to lie there, I simply have been honest with her ever since I walked into this house. There was a slash of disappointment plastered on her face, but immediately went away when she looked down at my gaped mouth. I was breathing hard, almost in an embarrassing way. If she kisses me now, I wouldn’t able to resist. What if I was a rebound? Who cares, I wanted her lips to kiss mine so that I could never–

“Let me kiss you?”

I’m a rebound, I’m a rebound, I’m a rebound–

“Yes.”

She didn’t waste time and pressed her mouth on mine, almost shuddering when both of our lips are being touched. Her lips were warm, and I could tell she was scrunching her eyebrows together. When her hand went behind my back and roughly pulled me closer to her, the spark between us went away. I almost yelped out of shock. But then, something eased on her – like a person telling her that I was a delicate little girl that was fragile, and she kissed me slowly but in a sloppy way.

Natasha pulls away with a string of saliva on both of our lips. “Your lips are so soft,” she murmured.

“I don’t think we should be doing this.”

She shakes her head, and pecked on my bottom lip so gently – I could hardly feel her lips. She used her other hand to stroke my jaw and whispered, “Wanda isn’t here, baby…”

“But you’re still married–” I moaned quietly when her lips were on my neck, kissing my skin with hunger while wrapping both of her arms around my small waist to pull me close on her lap. “Tasha, slow down.”

I wanted to tell her that she was going to use me as her rebound, that none of this was real to her. But I was so lost in her own world that I did not notice her unbuttoning her pants hastily; I had to push her chest away from me.

“You’re not thinking straight,” I said, trying my best to sound normal other than being heartbroken that I might be her rebound. “Y-You can’t be doing this with me, I’m her sister Tasha…”

“So do you want to stop?” she asked, still removing her pants all the way down to her midthighs. I closed my eyes, but she kissed my lips again to make sure I was still breathing. “Breathe baby, breathe. It’s okay, she’s not here–”

“She will go insane if I sleep with you!” I exclaimed.

“But she’s not here,” she whispers, like a smooth talker, as if everything will be alright; I was convinced. Natasha slowly trails her fingers inside my shirt and holds me down, feeling her tight erection on her loose boxers. She kisses my neck once more while her other hand was playing with my left breast, asking: “Have you ever slept with someone?”

“No,” I replied quickly, cursing myself that I’d answered her too fast. But she pulled away with a proud smile while still touching me through my shirt. “I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“That my parents would know–”

She immediately cuts me off mid-sentence, kissing my lips hard instead.

“No one will find out, okay? We don’t have to sleep together for now.”

“For… now?”

She nodded, inserting her tongue inside of my mouth until we were french kissing on her couch; on her lap. As soon as Natasha was about to remove my shirt, I slightly pulled away with a ragged breath. She squints her eyes, wondering why we stopped, and I did not say anything else but got onto my knees and pulled down her pants to her ankles.

“Baby,” she sighs loudly, her cock growing once more. “Y-You don’t have to do that–”

“I want to,” I assure her, my eyes are looking back up at the woman that has her legs open for me. Natasha could only nod and pulled her dick out of her boxers, her length proudly showing in the scene. She was hard, but not fully hard where her penis stands itself. I could see a bit of juice leaking out from its tip; I wish to lick it and suck her head as hard as I could watch her begging for more. “I’ve never given someone like this before.”

“A blowjob?”

Her cock was big; too big for my mouth. But my cunt clenches for it to be touched, I wanted her to slip her dick inside of me until I was a mess. Pogubi menya svoim rtom, Natasha.

“Y-Yeah…”

“It’s okay,” she coos, bringing her hand in the back of my hair and pulling me closer to her genitalia. “Go slow, okay? Just do what makes you comfortable, don’t use your teeth though.”

I’ve given myself a few more minutes before wrapping my hand around her shaft, gasping quietly about how utterly big she was; my fingers could barely wrap around her dick. Natasha threw her head back in the air and moved closer, half of her buttocks were exposed while having pleasure from my hand. I thought about those videos that my friends sent me, a woman jacking a guy off using her hands and mouth. So this gave me an idea and slowly brought my hand up and down on her length, watching her bulbous head carefully – I could see more of her juices coming out.

“Oh yeah,” she slurs as her eyes twitched while closed. “That’s so fuckin’ good, you’re hand is so warm.”

She was throbbing on my hand, and I couldn’t help but examine the way her member looked. The head was pinkish, with a mix of red; her cock was veiny but not in a gross way; it looked like it was reaching over her belly button, which made me wetter from the sight and the feeling of her dick. I slowly leaned closer to her penis and gave the tip a kiss, watching the woman have a reaction to it.

“Feels so good, Y/n… keep going.”

I took a deep breath and swallowed her head, my eyes widening when I could feel her juices dripping on my tongue. I closed my eyes instead and slowly let go of her cock with a loud pop! It made Natasha yell out of sexual frustration. I knew she was impatient – but I had to take my time. I could hear her murmuring, “Keep going, little girl… just keep your mouth on me.”

And I did, but it was a lot more difficult than it seems. The woman had a big dick, there was no denying that, and I tried my best to slurp the tip of her cock but instead; I choked. She averted her eyes from me and asked with a worried voice, “Shit–are you okay? You can stop–”

“Let me adjust,” I breathed out, slowly pumping her cock. Natasha could only nod and rest her head against the couch, watching me intently as I jerked her off. She was warm on my palm; I almost let out a tiny moan from the way it twitches. It just shows that it was begging for my attention, and I had to do something about it.

So I wrapped my mouth around the tip of her dick again and breathed, sinking my mouth further into her length. Natasha threads her fingers through my hair gently and pushes my head deeper into her cock, making me let out gurgling sounds.

“Your mouth is so good,” she whines, raising her hips a little to reach for my throat. “Suck it harder, baby girl. I’m so fuckin’ hard for you…” she shifts onto the couch and unbuttons her cardigan to release the tension inside of her. All she could think about was my mouth and my pussy. She wondered what it would feel like if she slipped her cock inside of me as I scream for mercy; yelling about how big her cock was.

“That’s it,” she coos, her breath hitching. “Lick my cock like that, what an obedient little girl you are.”

If it’s a guilty pleasure to be called a “little girl” by her, then I’d be damn proud to be called that by her. I closed my eyes again and sunk my mouth deeper, licking the underside of her dick repeatedly until I’ve gotten my rhythm. Natasha slowly humps my face as she uses both of her hands to guide my head up and down on her cock, making me create wet and pornographic noises that fill up the room too sweetly. The woman sighs blissfully, as if she couldn’t believe this was happening to her. Once the tip of her cock hit my throat; I gagged.

“Oh god!” she shuts her eyes tightly and keeps my head still while fucking my mouth slowly, her length popping in and out of my mouth. “So close baby, yeah… just suck my cock like that. You’re so good, little baby.”

I sucked her head vigorously while slurping on it, going deeper and deeper until half of her length was in my mouth. I felt her hand holding my neck as she continues to thrust into my mouth at a slow pace, making sure I wasn’t in too much pain. This was what she needed, what she wanted from me. It was this innocent slut that she wanted to take; I wanted to lick it and I wasn’t ashamed of any of it.

Natasha holds my head still and felt her hips twitching, as I hear her say, “I’m gonna cum–Oh fuck, take it!” and I felt two ropes of thick cum in my mouth; closing my eyes tight as she continues to let herself go inside of my mouth, giving everything that she needed. The woman sees stars behind her head and imagines my mouth being my cunt instead – the thrill of excitement burning inside of her passionately; she wanted to fuck me now or she wouldn’t able to live with herself.

“Oh god,” she moans as she spurts more cum on my tongue. “T-That’s it, oh fuck yeah…”

She was in heaven. But deep inside, she was in hell. While calming down from her firing orgasm, she realized that I was the sister of her wife – and she completely fucked up by fucking my mouth and coming on my tongue. Natasha couldn’t help but feel guilty, though the guilt washed away when I suddenly released the tip of her cock with a pop! From my mouth, and pulled myself up as I sat down beside her with some of her cum on the corners of my mouth.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers to me, pulling my face closer as she kisses me deeply; tasting herself. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. I should’ve been more discreet–”

“It’s okay,” I cut her off with a frantic nod while touching her right cheek, which I almost fell apart when she leaned on my touch. “I-I don’t want Wanda to know, I don’t know what I’d do if she knew about this–I’m sorry, I don’t–”

“She won’t know anything about us,” she said, leaning her forehead against mine as she pecked on my lips with her wet mouth, pulling me closer to her once more. Something about her being so comforting is losing the worries that have been boiling inside of me; like a kettle bursting once it’s hot. “It’s only our secret, I promise.”

another note: natasha will be an asshole if this comes out as a series, but she will have a development of course! let me know how you guys feel about this one shot <3

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha angst #black widow x reader #black widow x you #tasha bear:(

[somethingswift19]

Toxic - JJ Maybank x (f) reader

| JJ x Bartender (f) Reader

| Warnings : angst, swearing, cheating

| Summary: You are in a toxic situationship with JJ Maybank and no matter what you do, you can't seem to let him go.

| (a/n): Based off of a real conversation and very true events

This is my first ever imagine so please be nice :) hope you guys enjoy! P.S. feedback is greatly appreciated! Sorry if this is terrible!

Part 2

"No. That's unacceptable," JJ seethed. "How could you be going on a date? No. Who the fuck is this guy anyway?" This argument was becoming less and less playful by the second. The usual playfulness in his tone was sounding more like jealousy.

"Don't worry about it," you sigh in response. "And I'm going because he's cute and funny and sweet. Plus my dad is pissed that I'm still single at 22." At this point you were just trying to end this conversation seeing as there were people actively sitting at the bar. Not to mention the fact that if your boss saw any of this happening on the cameras, you would both be screwed.

"Your dad and I have that in common," he smirked. "But I still don't think you should go."

"Why shouldn't I go? I'm not seeing anyone! So why the hell n-?"

"Because you can't!" JJ cut you off. "You're mine, don't you get that? It's my turn." His usual arrogant demeanor was faltering as darkness started forming behind his usually playful eyes.

"YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!" you yelled getting more irritated by the second.

He looked like a puppy that had just been kicked. He knew you were right. He knew the position he had put you in. That he had lied to you time and time again. But he loved you, not her. "You know our situations are completely different. You know mine is complicated."

"No it's really not that complicated actually," rolling your eyes and giving an aggravated shrug of your shoulders. "Do you or do you not have a girlfriend?"

JJ just stared at you, letting out a huff. His blue eyes now appeared completely black as a pink tinge came over his lightly freckled face.

"I said do you or do you not-"

"YES! Ok, yes I do! But-"

"Then that's it!" it was your turn to cut him off. "It's not fair to me. None of this is fair to me! When you're here you act as if we are together. You're physically all over me. You compliment me and know what to say to make me feel special. Always keeping me attached somehow. You're always telling me how I'm beautiful and gorgeous and amazing...but then you go home to her."

"You were supposed to wait for me!" heartbreak evident in his voice.

"I DID WAIT!" a tear slipped down your cheek. "I did fucking wait for you! And you went back to her."

"That's cold."

"But it's true," you bit back. "And the worst part is I had to find out from someone else."

You thanked the heavens you were the mid and so your shift was ending. Gathering your things you quickly clock out and head for the door. Tears now threatening to spill over.

"Just wait! I'll have my turn one day!" a smirk covered his sun kissed face. It was a complete 180, his cockiness returning. Almost like he was pretending this argument never happened. "You're mine and that will never change."

As soon as you reach the parking lot the sobs started. Not because of the argument but because of what he just said...because deep down you know he's not wrong. And the thought of that makes you sick. How could you let yourself fall so head over heels in love with someone who is already taken? But then the image of his smile flashes through your mind and you think of what it feels like to be wrapped in his embrace and you have your answer.

#obx #obx fanfiction #jj x reader #jj x y/n #jj obx imagine #rafe obx #fanfic #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #outer banks #jj outerbanks #outerbanks imagines #jj maybank fanfic #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank angst #angst #toxic relationship #situationships #jj maybank blurb

[galebrainrot2024]

Gale x Tav Enemies to Lovers Part IX/9

GAS!! Anyway, Part 9 Enemies to Lovers Gale POV

The memory of Tav falling replayed endlessly in his mind. Gale was unable to shake it - granted, it had only been a few days and even so it haunted him. Why did his brain insist on exhuming things he could not change?  He was overcome with guilt that he should have done more, could have done more. That he should have insisted in a back up plan or come up with one himself. How reckless it was, how he let his pride get in the way of sense. He thought of how he tended to her before she came to, only succumbing to sleep once his weary eyes could no longer be forced open out of sheer will. 

What a fool he was. 

Gale was reenacting the first moments when they arrived in the Underdark, seething over how blind he had been. He would never be anything more than a rival to Tav, an insufferable ego-manic, and Gale saw that clearly. Astarion wasn’t exactly being subtle. Yet Gale was unconvinced, his gut nagging him. Why had she looked to me though? Why would she bother to look for my reaction at all? 

He felt ashamed, embarrassed even for feeling the fingers of envy. He had no right to. And besides, Tav had yet to apologize. Gale still wanted an apology from her and thus, he squirreled himself away until it was time to move from their last camp. While they traveled, Wyll was busy talking Tav’s ear off so Gale was able to happily mosey behind, unworried about confrontation. Besides, talking to her with the rest of the companions present wouldn’t end well for anyone. The last thing this group needed was more drama. Between him and Tav, Lae’zel and Shadowheart, Astarion and, well, everyone else, he didn’t need to add fuel to the fire. 

Gale was preparing dinner, mid peel, when he heard her footsteps approaching him from behind. “Whatever it is you have to say to me can wait,” he said, his eyes not leaving the potato. “I’m not really interested in talking to you at the moment.” The air was cooler down there, like a crisp Autumnal air. 

He heard Tav’s footsteps stop. It made his chest tighten. Despite telling her he was not interested in talking with her, in fact not talking to her at all was driving him mad. Tav was all he could think about no matter how annoyed he was with her. 

“Fine. Goodnight.” He heard her say, her tone icy. 

He bit his tongue, still frozen in position and the silence piqued his curiosity. He didn’t hear her walk away. “You’re still here.” 

“I am.” 

“Hm. Curious, if you ask me, since you said ‘goodnight.’ If you’ve come here to grill me, I am not interested, and if you’re in need of grilling something might I suggest you start working on the fish.” He heard a soft laugh that sounded like she tried to catch it before it made a sound. His lips pulled up into a smile. Still, there was no sound of footsteps. “Have you come here to just lurk? Taking our trip to the Underdark a bit literally.” Another soft puff of air. His smile grew and he resumed peeling the potato. 

The foreign sounds of creatures cloaked the air, a sense of calm settling between the two of them. Gale continued to slowly and methodically peel the potatoes, inspecting each as he placed them in the pot, making commentary as he went. “Oh wow, I’ve never seen one with quite so many eyes!” and “You’re much mushier than I like, but it’ll be our secret.” And then, “My, you’re the smallest potato I’ve seen. I almost feel guilty cooking you. In you go, then.” 

“Are you still here?” Gale asked, although he knew the answer. The moment felt strangely comforting, more so even than the Weave. 

“I am.” 

“Have you got anything to say for yourself or shall I continue?” 

A grunt. More silence. And then finally a resigned and sincere, “Gale, I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness or grace, and I -“ he heard her swallow hard and pause. Her voice, though honest, was also tight as if she was unpracticed in the art of apology. 

“Difficult for you to apologize, is it?” 

He heard her sigh in annoyance, “I already apologized -“

“Ah,” Gale held up a finger but still did not turn around. “You apologized for saying a cruel thing, an apology does not equal forgiveness. I should know that better than anyone.” He sighed, grunting as he rose to his knees and finally turned to face her. Gale inhaled heavily when he looked at her, startled by how her skin glowed in the purple, unending night. “And then you proceeded to ignore me for close to a month. Without so much as an explanation. Hits a little too close to home for my taste. So, while you may have apologized for the first offense, you certainly did not for the second.” 

Gale’s eyes trailed from Tav’s eyes to her lips, to the way her body curved and then back to hers. Their breathing seemed to synch as they held their gaze. He watched Tav’s lips part before she looked away and pulled her hair back nervously. “It was childish, I know. I’m sorry, Gale. I really am. I just…” She closed her eyes and inhaled. “I shouldn’t have reacted that way, it wasn’t fair of me.” Tav turned her eyes to his again and Gale felt heat prick at his ears. Silence filled them until she cut it, “I also wanted to thank you for saving my life.” 

Gale paused, shaken. She couldn’t remember, could she? “Karlach saved your life.” He said, turning away to put the potatoes over the fire. “But, Thank you for your apology. Now, if you’ll excuse me - ” 

“That’s it?” Tav said, grabbing his arm. He felt a jolt shoot through him and cleared his throat, averting her gaze. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about.” 

Gale knew he would lose his resolve if he turned to look at her. He knew the next words were rile her up and still they came tumbling out, “What are you talking about?” 

She dropped his arm, her expression dark. “Unbelievable.” 

Gale sighed and caught her wrist as she went to turn. “You’re right - I’m sorry - I’m just feeling a little stung at the moment.” He saw Tav’s brow furrow and then her face floods with color. 

“That was nothing.” 

“It certainly didn’t look like nothing.” 

Tav glared at him. “What about you and Karlach?” 

Gale was unable to stop the instant laugh that bubbled out of him, “Karlach? Tav, surely you know her better than that -“ he paused and looked at her with a furrowed brow, “Don’t you? You know she likes-“

“SH!” Tav said, pressing her fingers against Gale’s lips. As soon as she did this Gale felt himself stop breathing. The feeling of her hand on hips lips ignited him, the spark licking through his blood like wildfire. He felt a rush of blood to his nether-region and tried to ignore the feeling. 

He took a deep breath and wrapped one of his hands around her wrist to bring her fingers away from his lips. He leaned down a bit towards her, his voice soft. “Ah, your point is moot. I may have locked myself away for a year, but I wasn’t born yesterday, I’m afriad. I’d rather you be honest with me instead of pretending as if you and he aren’t intimately spending time in one another’s company.” 

“Why would that be your business?” Tav asked and Gale’s eyes flicked down to see her lick her lips. He swallowed hard. 

“OOOO I knew I felt the fire cooking,” Karlach said and they both stepped back from each other quickly. Gale rubbed the back of his neck and looked around. She held up her hands and laughed, “Oh, I didn’t mean to interrupt, but this meal won’t cook itself and I’m bloody tired. Please man, I’m famished.” Karlach rested on the ground by them, as if she meant to supervise Gale so he would stay true to his word. 

“Fair enough,” Gale chuckled and looked to Tav only to catch a soft, unreadable expression before returning to work. 

#bg3 brainrot #baldurs gate 3 #gale #god gale #bg3 gale #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 art #gale x tav #gale romance #gale baulders gate 3 #baulders gate 3 #baulders gate tav #baulders gate gale

[nicohischierz]

could i request 11: “i need you”, 25: “i’ve got you”, 1: “don’t leave me” & 17: “just hold me” for rutger please :) where some guy is harassing his gf at a party and she's scared

1: "don't leave me"

11: "i need you"

17: "just hold me"

25:" i've got you"

warnings: mentions of sexual assault

you spending your friday night at another party held by the sophomores became a regular occurrence when you started dating rutger.

in any social gathering if someone wanted to find you all they had to do was look for rutger and vice versa. but tonight was a rare occasion where the two of you weren't together.

rutger had been called to play a game of beer pong and you had been talking to a few girls in your intro to psych class. the conversation was brief and the girls had left as they went to fill their drinks and talk to other people in the house.

you were a socially anxious person. you never really know what to say around people you didn't know too well and even if you started speaking to them your heart would be hammering against your chest

"hey, i think we're in the same english class," a guy came up to you. if you were being completely honest you wouldn't have been able to tell anyone who this guy was but you nodded anyway.

"here let me refill your cup," he offered, grabbing the red solo cup from your hand. you shook your head and tried walking away but he grabbed your hand.

he shook his head at you slowly before dragging you towards the back door. "what made you think I was done talking to you," he seethed. the guy tightened his grip around your wrist, his hold was definitely going to leave a bruise.

you knew shouting for rutger wasn't going to do anything as the music blared loudly but you knew one of the seniors was sitting outside.

so when nolan saw you fight against this unknown guy he immediately called rutger and alerted the boys of the situation. nolan put his phone in his pocket and made his way over to the two of you.

"is something wrong?" he asked.

the guy shook his head and pulled you in under his arms "no, nothing's wrong. my girlfriend here's just had a bit too much to drink so I'm taking her home," he explained giving nolan a smile.

he was about to walk away with you, writhing in his grip, when rutger stormed out of the house with adam, luke, ethan and mark behind him.

the guy, who's name you still didn't know, pushed you towards nolan and turned to face rutger. "you should really control your girl dude," he warned.

your boyfriend didn't respond as he sent a strong punch to the guys jaw. the impact rang in your ears as nolan cradled your head against his chest.

after the initial punch eddy and mark stepped in between the two boys, protecting rutger put also ready to fight back if needed.

the guy tried swinging back at rutger but mark grabbed his arm and tutted. the guys eyes widened expecting mark to punch him but eddy whacked his knees making him fall.

at this point you had tears filling your eyes as you realised what would’ve happened if nolan wasn’t outside. the captain could feel your tears fall against his shirt and called for rutger.

your boyfriend slowly peeled you away from nolan and walked towards the nearest room in the house. his hands were over your ears to prevent you from hearing what was going on.

“hey baby, don’t worry. i’ve got you now,” he whispered.

rutger pulled away to grab a tissue to wipe the mascara from under your eyes but you quickly grabbed his arm, tears filling your eyes again.

“please don’t leave me,���

rutgers eyes softened and he wrapped you up in your arms again. he left a kiss on your head as you cried into his shoulder.

“im not leaving baby. i’ll ask luca if adam to get you some water and makeup wipes. do you need anything else?" rutger asked grabbing his phone from his pocket.

"no. i just need you to hold me please,"

rutger nodded and complied as he cuddled up to you. ethan groaned when he saw the two of you in his room but the fact that he knew you were safe was enough to stop him from complaining about the couch.

#rutger mcgroarty imagine #nicohischierz request

[dragontamerno3]

DS9 S1 E20 - In The Hands Of The Prophets

Soooooooooooo.... I finished S1. And I officially hate Space Karen.

I want to get this out of the way so I hopefully never have to say it again because praising this character hurts me deep in my religiously traumatized soul (lol), but she is *really* good. I mean, of course she was going to be well played given the actress who plays her (RIP Louise Fletcher), but she's so fucking good at how evil she actually is. We're meant to hate her, I get that. But the writing and acting is phenomenal when it comes to this level of religious bigotry and scheming.

I have seen actual people IRL that were just a couple steps down the ladder from being pure fanatics to this dangerous level and the shit they've said in some cases were almost word for word how she spun in.

We started out the episode though with a fun note on Keiko joking with Miles and clearly hinting at something that is probably just supposed to be her playing at being jealous but definitely reads as swinger language to me. Which, from what I've gathered DS9 is one big polyam fam so I may be picking up on those vibes.

Which, I'm kinda sad Neela was the traitor here. I called it when the tool was discovered missing though "it" hadn't been revealed to be secret traitor levels yet and I just assumed she used the tool for some reason. I still knew it was her and when the episode went on and murder turned into potential terrorism I was just... bummed. She seemed to truly be getting alone with Miles and the scene in the shuttle def added to my polyam/swinger thoughts, but she really seemed to actually care for him. This didn't take away from my... enjoyment, can one really call it that when one is also seething? Anyway, it didn't take anything away from the episode from me, if fact it kinda made it feel a bit more realistic cause I have absolutely lost people I cared about because of religion. It just sucked.

Then Winn shows up at the school to talk religious nonsense and the "real" trouble starts. Oh I hate that woman.

And then Kira backing Winn? I know she's also got her own spiritual beliefs and journey but that felt... a bit much? Not aligned with who she had been up to this point? Not the teaching the kids part but the "lets separate everyone" idea. It definitely threw me out of the scene for a bit. I accept it, though, based on the very end of the episode where she explained that she hoped her beliefs were as strong as Winn's, but this was the one bit of writing that I disagreed with. If something has to wait to the end to be explained like this, it could use some fixing.

Quark and Odo meeting in secret to talk about a case seems to me like the writers were trying make up an excuse to get them alone together....

Watching Winn turn all the parents and kids against Keiko was frustrating. The Bajorian food seller not selling to them because of this wasn't so much upsetting as it just made me roll my eyes, but I adore Miles for wanting to jump the counter for his wifes honor lol

When the school blew and Miles ran towards it? And then Odo had to hold him back so he didn't jump into the fire? My heart. It was such a good scene.

I think my favorite part of this episode was Siskos speech. The "You've just made your first mistake" speech. I'm being a bit egotistical for this bit, though. I love it cause these are the same exact speeches I like to make in my ttrpgs. The "You think you've won but really you've severally underestimated us and we're going to ruin you now" speeches are my fucking favorite and I live for them. Sisko wins the gold star for this one.

8.75/10 cause I couldn't decide if I wanted to rate this one a 9 or an 8.5 so split the difference lmao

#star trek #star trek ds9 #ds9 #watchalong #star trek deep space nine #space karen #ds9 winn #I hate her so much #fuck winn #in the hands of the prophets

[nyxnygma]

Can I request some fluff with a bit of angst with Nikki where the reader is related to one of the other guys??

Secrets || Nikki Sixx

[Nikki Sixx x Fem!Neil!Reader]

Summary: You were scared what her brother, Vince, will do if he found out about yours and Nikki’s arrangement so you stopped it, but it was too late

Warnings: sexual innuendos, break up, argument, ‘unrequited’ love

Masterlist

Your arms were wrapped around Nikki’s neck as you kissed him passionately, Nikki pressing his body closer to yours. You went to him that night to rid your worries but it did not help.

The thought of Vince finding out scared you, you had no idea how he would react. He asked the band not to even touch you as he was scared they would break your heart.

In truth, his fear was coming true because you started to have feelings for Nikki and you couldn’t stand not being with him properly. He still did things with groupies and knowing that whilst sleeping with him hurt you.

The man was confused when you pulled away. “You okay?” He furrowed his eyebrows.

“Yeah but..” you look down to your hands in your lap, “I think we need to stop this arrangement.”

“What?” The look of horror in Nikki’s widened eyes worried you.

“It’s just.. I’m scared,” you put your head in your hands, “Vince is going to murder us!”

“Vince will never know,” He started to rub my back, “if we sneak around like we are doing now.”

“I don’t want to sneak around anymore, Nik,” you explain, “and I want a proper relationship with someone and I can’t find that if I’m fooling around with some rockstar!”

And with that you left for your hotel room, where you curled up in bed and cried over your unrequited love for Nikki.

However, Nikki was still sat on the sofa shocked. In the last five minutes, he had lost the woman he desired most. The reasons he never confessed his true feelings is he feared you do not reciprocate the feelings and you wouldn’t see him anymore due to the awkwardness and also he knew you both could never have a full-on relationship if you had to keep it secret.

The next morning, you were almost ready to leave to get lunch when you hear a knock on the door. You opened it to find Vince. “Wanna go get something to eat with me?” He ask walking past you to your room.

“I was about to get something anyway so sure,” you hum shutting the door, “just let me get my purse.”

Vince nodded, not without spotting something suspicious. “Y/N..”

“What is it?” You ask.

“I do believe these boots and top are too big to be yours,” his face was unreadable as he looked at the boots and ripped up black tee that belonged to Nikki. “Whose are they?”

“No one you know,” You try to play it off but failing because not many men don’t wear heels and top with their sleeves cut off.

“Oh stop lying to me!” His voice raised as he stared you down. He then stormed out the door and you followed cautiously. He arrived at the door to Nikki’s room and knocked furiously on it. Tommy opened it with his signature smile, “Hey Vince- woah what’s up with you, dude?”

Vince said nothing and physically pushed him out of his way. “Nikki you fucking sleazy bastard!” He shouts at the bassist, who was sat on the sofa with a bottle in hand. You followed your brother in.

He grabbed Nikki by his shirt and pulled him to his feet. “You fucking slept with my sister after I specifically told you not to!” He seethed.

“Look dude,” Nikki puts his hands up in surrender, “whatever was between us ended!”

“That doesn’t make betraying my trust and lying to me okay!” He shakes his head, his hands still gripped into Nikki’s top.

“Vince just stop!” I pleased.

“Yeah, dude, you need to chill,” Tommy, who was obviously drunk even though it was only 12:30pm, slurred.

“Fuck off, Tommy! This has nothing to do with you,” Vince cries. Tommy cowers back, pouting, but he didn’t leave the room as he was too invested in what was happening.

“Look man,” Nikki sighs, “I’m sorry I have been sneaking around with Y/N but the truth is, and she doesn’t even know this, I love her!”

Everyone in the room froze. Your eyes widened, “you love me?”

Nikki looked down, “yes.”

“Well shit,” Vince mutters under his breath as he let go of him, “and do you love him, Y/N?”

You nod, “yes.”

“C’mon man! Don’t stand in the way of love!” Tommy shouted.

“Didn’t I tell you to fuck off?” Vince rolled his eyes, “I guess he’s right though.”

“Really?” You blinked. Vince nodded.

“Just keep your funny business out of my sight,” he negotiates, “oh and if you ever hurt her or make her cry I will beat your ass, Sixx.”

“I won’t, Vince,” he promises as he moves to stand closer to you.

“Awww how sweet!” Tommy smiles. Vince rolled his eyes and dragged Tommy out the room.

“We’ll leave you two so you can talk,” Vince says before leaving the room.

“You love me?“ You question the man in front of you.

“Of course,” he nods. You then pull him into a deep kiss.

After that, you stated a proper relationship and over the years it turned into marriage.

#motley crue #mötley crüe #motley crue x reader #mötley crüe x reader #nikki sixx x reader #nikki sixx #Nikki sixx fluff #Tommy lee #Vince Neil #mick mars

[thefreakydeaky]

Good Girls Go To Heaven

Negan x Plus sized reader

Negan Smith x Plus sized reader

Summary: If there is one thing you have never been accused of it's being good. And while Negan finds this entertaining at first, the day comes when he reaches his limit.

*Not Beta read (but when is my shit ever beta read? if any body wants to the position is open 😉😛 message me/send an ask)

Warnings: Smut, Unprotected Sex, Dub-Con, Strong Language

"What did you do?"

It was like a scene right out of a cartoon. At the sound of Negan's raised voice every wife and savior in the room froze.

You knocked back the shot of rum you were holding.

"What the fuck did you do?" Negan seethed.

"I do a lot of shit. You'll have to be more specific." You began pouring yourself another shot.

You heard his foot steps coming up behind you, they picked up speed as they got closer.

You were quick to lift both your glass and the bottle. A second later Lucille came swinging over the table. Tanya cried out in surprise. Glass and liquor went flying, splashing you and the other people sitting on the sectional.

"What the fuck did you just say?"

"I said, be. more. specific."

The growl he emitted would have set a wise man to asking for mercy, but you had never been accused of being wise.

His hand seized the back of your neck. You bit back a gasp as he forced you out of your seat and onto the floor. The bottle you had been holding went rolling across the floor.

"This is not a fucking game." He thrust Lucille in front of your face. "I'm only gonna ask you one more time. What did you do?"

Having no idea which thing you had done to piss him off, your only option was silence. You didn't lift your gaze from his boots. Seconds ticked by and you remained stoic.

"Not so mouthy now, are ya? Get up!" His large hand grabbed hold of your arm.

He hauled you to your feet. Negan led you away from the drawing room, his hand at the back of your neck like you were a misbehaved puppy. You passed the bewildered faces of some of the other wives before he shoved you into the bedroom ahead of him. You would have thought they would be loving it, seeing your day of reckoning had finally come. You tripped and landed on your knees on the rug. You heard the door slam and thought back on your offenses.

There was the pair of earrings you had taken from Tanya's room. They were pretty and she didn't wear them often. Why shouldn't you enjoy them?

The four oxycontin pills you had pinched from Carson's cabinet. You still had two. You were saving them for a rainy day.

There of course was the game of cat and mouse you had been playing with Simon for a while now. You weren't on the short list of girls that was allowed to indulge on those free pass days, but you flirted anyway. From that flirting came the gift Simon had given you, a rechargeable vibrator. That contraband was wrapped in a bandana you had taken from Negan's sock drawer and hidden in the one place it would never be discovered, behind that very dresser in Negan's bedroom.

If it was none of these then someone told him about your recent altercation with Frankie. The bitch was talking shit. Slapping her was technically self defense.

"Hey!" He snapped his fingers in your face.

You blinked up at him.

"Where do you get off cheatin' on me?" He hissed. "Do I not provide for you? Do I not dick you down often enough?"

Your brow furrowed.

"Answer me!"

"I'm not."

He held his hand up to his ear as though he couldn't hear you.

"I didn't."

His hand closed tightly around the neck of his bat.

"I didn't cheat on you."

He lifted the bat higher off the ground and you flinched.

"I haven't cheated on you. I don't know why you think I did, but I'm telling you, I didn't."

"I heard him, your loverboy talking about how hot you sound when you cum."He said angrily.

You sifted through his words to try and make sense out of them. You hadn't slept with any man, but Negan since before you ended up in the sanctuary.

"If it was any of the other girls, I would know it was him at fault, but you? You're an evil fucking mastermind. Nobody can harass you into doing shit you don't wanna do."

You eyed Lucille, swallowing nervously.

"You're the only man here I've fucked. If anyone says otherwise they're lying."

Negan's dark brow raised.

"Is that so?"

"Yes."

"And knowing what the fucking punishment for an offense like this is, why would someone lie about that?"

He was right. What kind of crazy asshole would put themselves in danger of getting their face melted or worse, having their head bashed in? Unless...

"Did you ask him?"

"Excuse me?"

"Did he actually say he had sex with me?"

"He didn't have to." Negan scoffed. "How else would he know what you sound like when you cum?"

It hit you and you experienced about thirty seconds of relief before you realized your saving grace would also be your downfall.

You let out a sound of frustration.

"I masterbate sometimes." You mumbled.

You hated having to admit such a personal thing to him, but it had to be done.

Negan pursed his lips.

"You what?"

You took a deep breath and let it out. Your face heated with shame.

"I touch myself sometimes. Maybe he heard me."

Negan's jaw clenched.

"He didn't see me and he sure as hell didn't touch me." You added in desperation.

"Hmm..." He mulled it over. "So you're sayin' he didn't fuck you, you fucked yourself."

"Yes and that's the only way he could have heard me."

"And just how often do you fingerbang yourself?"

You stared at him.

His eyes narrowed as he peered down at you suspiciously.

"It would be one hell of a coincidence for him to hear you the one time in a blue moon that you-"

"I do it all the time."

"What?" His expression quickly went from surprised to offended.

"A couple of times a week." You admitted through gritted teeth.

Negan laughed darkly.

"Well hell, honey. Am I just not doin' it for you anymore?"

You looked away from his piercing gaze.

"Get on the bed."

You sighed.

"I'm not a fan of fucking repeating myself."

You got up off your knees and went to the bed. With all the enthusiasm of someone waiting in line at the dmv, you crawled onto the bed.

"Stop." Negan commanded. "Turn around."

You got onto your back, but kept your eyes on the ceiling.

His hands slid under your skirt and up your thick thighs. He found the waistband of your panties and tugged them, you lifted your bottom so he could take them off.

His big fingers fumbled with the straps of your heels as the satin fabric got caught around your ankles.

"Fuck." He gave up on it and lifted your dress. He spread your legs as best he could. Negan leaned over you and cupped your sex.

"Look at me." He ordered.

You looked him in the eye.

"This is mine. Nobody can fucking touch this pussy, but me."

Your eyes widened when he gave your pussy a light smack.

"Mine." He said and smacked it again. "Do you understand?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Wrong answer."

He spanked your pussy. His hand came down over and over on your sensitive flesh.

Your breath hitched.

This time when he swatted you his hand came away wet. Negan looked at his glistening palm and then at your pussy.

His eyebrow raised.

"Damn, you're gettin off on this shit aren't ya?"

You turned your face away.

"You dirty girl." He chuckled. "You like it when Daddy gets rough, like it a whole damn lot, don't cha?" He slipped his index and middle fingers through your labia then brought them to his lips. He sucked his fingers clean.

"Mmm...Sweet.As.Pie."

You clenched and more of your cum seeped out of you.

Negan managed to untangle your panties. He spread your legs wider.

"Maybe I've been a little selfish lately." He mused. "Maybe you need something different than what I've been giving you? Hmm?"

You shook your head, unwilling to find out what fiendish ideas were on his mind.

"Why else would you need to touch yourself?"

His whisky and olive eyes were fixed on your nervous gaze.

"I want you to show me." His serious expression made you gasp.

"Wh-what? No, I-I can't."

"I wanna see what you've been doing that makes you cum so good people can hear you moaning in the next room."

You turned away.

Negan took hold of your wrist and set your hand down over your pussy.

"Show me." There was still anger in his voice and though you knew you would hate every second, you forced yourself to accept what you had to do.

You couldn't bare being watched this way. You closed your eyes. Hesitantly you ran your index and middle fingers through your folds. You repeated the same motion twice more. Then ran your finger tip lightly over your clitoris. You alternated between caressing your labia and stimulating the slowly engorging bundle of nerves at the apex of your sex. You breath quickened as you touched yourself, but Negan was dissatisfied.

He stopped you mid-motion, touching the back of your hand. You opened your eyes and looked up at him questioningly.

"I'm not saying I don't enjoy watching you rub one out, but that's not what I asked you to do. I told you to show me exactly how you touch yourself when you are alone. I wanna see everything you do just the way you would do it if I wasn't here."

Wasn't it enough to humiliate you the way he already was? You thought about what you would normally do and though it wasn't the sort of step by step process it sounded like he wanted, you knew how to get yourself there.

Then a problem occured to you. You tried to keep the panic off your face as you remembered what exactly it was that reliabley made you cum. The vibrator.

You sat up, but he was standing close, keeping you from raising.

"I-I need to get something."

He backed away just two steps, but it was enough for you to stand and go to the dresser. You could feel him watching you carefully as you bent down and retrieved your contraband from behind the piece of furniture. Before you got back onto the bed you undressed completely. You unwrapped your small vibrator and held it in your palm. Then you lay back and closed your eyes again.

You pressed the button for the lowest setting, it buzzed to life in your hand. You pressed it lightly to your folds, You moved it slowly across your pussy, circling your clit with it before taking it lower again. It felt incredible. You released a moan at the sensation. With your other hand you caressed your body, running your fingertips over your hip, your belly and then your breasts.

"Open your eyes." His voice had taken on the husky quality it had when he was turned on.

You obeyed. Your eyes were on his as you touched the vibrator to your clitoris this time. You pinched the nipple of one breast between your fingers then the other. You were breathing harder as you massaged your breasts in your hand.

You noticed Negan palm his erection through his pants. His eyes roamed slowly over your body. You whimpered as you reached down and slid your index and middle finger into your warmth.

"Oh fuck." Negan murrmured.

Slowly you began sliding your fingers in and out of your wet hole. You moved slowly deliberately drawing out your pleasure until you could feel yourself tightening around your fingers, clenching around them.

The sounds coming out of you now were beyond your control. You circled your clitoris with the vibrator before pressing it directly to your tender flesh. Your vision blurred. You squeezed tight around your fingers as an intense wave of pleasure coursed through you. Closing your eyes, you held the buzzing toy to your tender flesh as you reveled in the moment of exhaltation.

When it began to fade the stimulation became too much. You removed the vibrator and turned it off. You lay there panting, enjoying the feeling of lightness even as it ebbed.

You heard the clink of Negan's belt as he unbuckled it, heard him pull down the zipper. When you felt him brush against your thighs, you looked up at him.

The hunger in his eyes ate up his irises, pupils wide with lust. The head of his thick hard cock pressed into your entrance. You spread your legs wide and let him sink into your sopping wet heat. A pleasured sound, purr like in nature came from you as his length stretched your walls.

"Fucking heaven." He groaned as he buried himself in you.

He started moving in and out of you at a leasurely pace. From the half dazed expression on his face you knew he was enjoying every second of it. You rocked your hips toward him, meeting his every thrust as he began to speed up the pace.

A breathy groan fell from your lips as his curved shaft began to hit that particular spot inside of you that started a wave of heat radiating through your body.

He fucked deeper into your dripping pussy. You cupped your breasts with your hands and began massaging the soft skin, your nipples stiff against your palms. Negan's large palm stroked your skin, his finger tips skimmed over your round belly.

You could hear the suction noise of your pussy clenching around his cock. It made you whimper. He pulled one of your hands away from your breast. He leaned down covering your nipple with his mouth, lapping at the tight bud, sucking on it. The pressure building within you seemed to reach an impossible amount.

You whined with need. Negan pumped into you grinding his pelvis into yours, again, and again, and again. One more stroke of his shaft against your g spot set stars to bursting in front of your eyes. A sensation a kin to electricity shocked your senses, filling you with the sweet euphoria you craved. Negan continued to fuck you until he shuddered, reaching his peak and spilled into you.

Your breathing was harsh as you lay there with him bent half over you. You were startled to feel him brushing his lips against your breast. The gentle kisses he placed along your chest, bewildered you. Your eyes were trained on his face. With a satisfied sigh, Negan pulled out of you and stood. He straightened his clothing and you kept looking at him, staring, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"I won't ask where you got this." He picked up the toy from beside your thigh. "because I get the feeling, I won't like the answer. I don't want to ruin the good mood I'm in." He observed the object in his hand for a moment and then he placed it on his night stand.

You rose and picked up your panties and bra with the intent to redress.

"Give them to me." He held his hand out.

You hung your panties and bra on his fingers and went to pick up your dress instead.

"And the dress."

You gazed warily at him, uncertain of his intentions.

"Hand it over." He said again.

Hesitantly, you held the dress out toward him. He took it, draping it over his arm.

"You don't need these anymore.This is how you're going to stay."

Your eyes widened.

"For how long?" You asked forlorn.

"Until I say otherwise." He grinned, a wide entirely too pleased with himself grin. "You are gonna wait here for me all day, every day. And I expect you to be ready for me whenever I feel like fucking you."

Your eyebrows raised, your mouth falling open as you understood your punishment.It seemed your sins had finally caught up with you after all. You were no longer his wife, you were his whore.

#negan x reader #negan x plus sized reader #negan #negan smith x reader #negan smith x plus sized reader #plus sized reader #negan smith #negan x plus size reader

[nikki-is-a-nerd]

Lemon drops (deke shaw x water bending!reader)

Summary:

From Strangers to Friends to Lovers. Deke won’t do what he did to Daisy ever again but that doesn’t mean you won’t do it for him…with your own little twist.

A/N

Tiny break from Ezra by writing about my beloved future man/rockstar/tech genius/shield director/agent baby boy.

______________________________________________

Deke is a strange person to you. He's sarcastic, surprisingly smart, quick on his feet and funny. You also learned that he likes Daisy, not shocking but very interesting. You weren't one to speak much around the others, Fitz and Jemma would try to encourage you but you don't really talk unless you need to. You've observed his and everyone's movement since getting back to your actual timeline and Deke's past and you've decided that Deke doesn't deserve the harsh and rude treatment from the others, except Jemma, she's naturally kind and caring.

It was a regular day for you when you bumped into a seething deke who just exited the lab. Seeing as he was walking fast and you were clumsy by default you fell down.

"...Ow..." You said quietly.

Deke's eyes widened in shock and immediately offered his hand to help you get up.

"I'm so sorry." He said.

"All good. The worst it could do is a bruise." You said bluntly.

You looked at him carefully and continued speaking.

"You seem upset. Let's eat." You grabbed his arm and dragged him to the pantry and rummaged around for food.

"You know, I think this is the first time I've ever been alone with you." Deke said.

"That makes sense, I prefer to stay away and practice."

"Are you like daisy?" Deke asked.

"Sort of. Inhuman? Yes. Same power? No. She can cause earthquakes, I can control any liquid, but mainly water." You answered kindly.

"That's cool. Why do you avoid people?" Deke asked again.

"I avoid people because I get anxious. I may be an agent but I'm not good with socializing." You said bashfully.

You made a simple sandwich paired with sliced up apples and handed one to Deke and one for you. You sat quietly, when you let your curiosity surface.

"Why were you upset? Is it because of the rest of the guys? I apologize if they treat you badly." You said softly.

"It's alright, it's not even your fault, you shouldn't apologize. In fact you and Jemma have been the nicest to me!" He exclaimed. He took a deep breath and continued.

"I was upset since I gave daisy a bunch of lemons, she didn't get it, then I found out she's still very much in love with her dead ex, so I didn't say anything. The others found out and they made fun of me and I already felt excluded from the team." He said before hiding his head with his hands.

"what does the lemons mean?" You asked.

"Traditionally in my time, you leave a bunch of lemons on the bed of the person you like as a way to tell them that you have feelings for them." He answered.

"That's cute. You're giving something that's basically a luxury to you. That's romantic." You said truthfully.

You stored that knowledge into your head as you spent that entire day with deke. You can say that after that, you two became friends. You truly enjoyed his company, even taking him with you when you train your powers. Deke has been silently pining for Daisy and you let your new feelings for your new friend grows as well. It really isn’t hard to fall for Deke, for you anyway. Deke

Months go by and everyone has been busy dealing with hydra’s resurgence and the new assassin shield now has to deal with. You were training while Deke kept you company with small talk until he went silent for a bit.

"So hear me out." Deke spoke out after the silence.

"Shoot." You said as you sent various sharp icicles flying into various targets.

"You never spoke of your feelings. Like romantically. So do you like anyone?"

His question threw you off guard so much so that you caused your water whip to freeze and shatter. You looked back at deke slowly, eyes wide.

"We are not having this conversation." You said cheeks already red.

"you're blushing! Who is it?" He said excitedly.

“Deke, we literally have an assassin to deal with, you really want to know who i have romantic feelings for?” You asked him.

“Yeah, i mean if an assassin who is genetically modified is out to get all of you, i want to know.” Deke said as he started throwing a rubber ball on the wall.

“Well I don’t have any.” A huge lie on your part but he doesn’t need to know.

Before Deke could ask again, Mack entered the training room and called you, a mission was being given to you. Deke watched you leave and he looked at Mack about to follow you out.

“Its a one on one meeting Deke, she’s gonna be fine. Go find Fitz and Simmons, they might need you.” Mack said.

“Can’t I wait outside Coulson’s office and wait for (Y/N) to leave?” Deke asked as he walked towards the door.

“No, but she’s gonna be fine. She’s strong.” Mack said.

“She’s strong, yeah, no shit. I know that.” Deke said under his breath mockingly.

Deke didn’t see you for nearly a month when you went undercover in Hydra. The radio silence he got made him anxious that even Daisy was annoyed by his pacing.

“Deke for the love of God! Stop Pacing!” Daisy said exasperated as she opened his door.

“(Y/N) has been radio silent for nearly a month! What if she’s hurt! Or worse dead! I’m sorry if i care about her too much that im afraid for her life.” Deke exclaimed.

Daisy gasps and a smile blooms on her face as she just realized something.

“You love her!” She said excitedly.

“What? No! I mean-but no! I gave you the lemons!” Deke exclaimed.

“Yeah that was months ago. You and (Y/N) have been attached by the hip since then and now you two are apart, you’re worried as hell! You like her!” Daisy reasoned.

“So maybe i do. What do you people do to show affection? Cause lemons apparently don’t scream i love you apparently.” Deke asked.

“Just be normal and tell her.” Daisy answered.

“Right, good one. Really what do i do?” Deke asked again.

When daisy just gave him the look he realized it wasn’t a joke and he was mortified. Tell you, face to face? That sounds worse than dying to a kree.

“I’ll think about it.” He said when Daisy stared at him.

When Daisy was about to leave, Coulson opened the door and told them to follow him to the meeting room. Everyone else was already there, save for you.

“Its time we extract agent (Y/L/N) from where she sent off her signal. Based on her last message to us, the assassin, Ruby, has had her suspicions on her now and its no longer safe for her to keep extracting data and sending it to us. YoYo, Mack, May and Daisy, you’re all with me. Deke, Jemma and Fitz, prepare the med bay to check up on (Y/N) and see if they injected or implanted anything on her that would compromise her in anyway.” Coulson spoke.

“Wait, why can’t i go?” Deke asked.

“Simply put, its too personal for you. It might endanger both you and (Y/N).” May answered.

Deke nodded his head in resignation and left with Fitz and Simmons. He assisted them in anyway and tinkered with some other tech laying around the lab to get his mind off of you. He didn’t know how long it was since the team left and returned but when he heard the lab doors open, he immediately stood up and carried your unconscious form to the bed and let Jemma check on you.

“What happened?” Fitz asked first.

“They figured her out and sent that Ruby chick to kill her. (Y/N) was lucky that she figured it out and was prepared. When we arrived, ruby was distracted enough that (Y/N) was able to freeze her legs in place but she shot her twice and she already had various cuts during their fight. She fell unconscious after a while. May and Daisy were the ones to try stop the bleeding but she still passed out.” YoYo spoke.

Deke stayed in the far corner, just watching Jemma care for your unconscious form. Since that night you’ve remained unconscious. They allowed your unconscious self to be moved into your room for more comfort, Jemma and Fitz often came by to check on you. Daisy came around to change your clothes and scold Deke for not showering. The rest had to continue with the mission and decode all the encrypted data you were able to get. Deke watched over you for as long as he could, often falling asleep in your room.

This time around Deke felt something was different today, a little more hopeful. He was cleaning your room when he heard you grunt when you accidentally moved your hand a little bit more and finding them a bit stiff. Deke wordlessly helps you sit up and hands you a glass of water.

“How long was I out for?” You asked Deke.

“A week and a half. You had a bunch of injuries that needed to be tended too, you lost a significant amount of blood, you had poison in your bloodstream that we had to filter out. Safe to say your body needed to recover.” Deke said.

“Sorry if that made you worried.” You said sheepishly.

“Its fine. It shook me up. This life of yours. Its not like mine, you willingly go to dangerous places and do dangerous things and that scares me.

“I understand that. Honestly the only reason I willingly pug myself through this is because, I don’t know what else im good for.” You admitted.

“You can do that healing thing you do. Stay here, be support or back up. Stay safe…with me, here.” Deke said holding your hand.

“Hey Deke, can you hand me my bag.” You said.

“Uh…sure.” Deke said as he grabbed the small pack and handed it to you.

Deke watched you rummage through your belongings until you managed to find what you were looking for.

“Give me your hand.” You told Deke.

Deke wordlessly handed you his hand and he felt you press something into his palms. He gave you a curious look and you smiled at him urging him to look at what you gave him. When he opened his palms he gave a small laugh as he saw a small pack of lemon hard candies in his hand.

“They didn’t have actual lemons in their pantry but they did have candy at least. Its not the same but i hope the message is clear.” You said as your faced flushed red.

“I get it! Lemons. You technically gave me lemons!” Deke said happily as he kept the lemon candies in his pant pocket.

He stood up and held your face gently as he leaned down to your level and gave you a soft kiss. You immediately reciprocated the gesture and held onto him, lacing your fingers through his hair. You two were too busy to notice your heart monitor going insane that Jemma had to rush to your room only to see you and Deke kissing. Jemma smiled and left quietly as you and deke relished the feeling of a new journey together.

Deke also made you promise to tell Coulson that you’re staying mainly as additional healer and purely back up for his sanity to which you agreed to. Not because he said so but because fighting no longer felt right for you.

#deke shaw x reader #deke shaw #agents of shield #fanfiction writer #fanfic writing #fanfic #fanfiction #marvel #marvel mcu #jeff ward x reader

[yes-i-have-thoughts]

Start Digging Two Graves

Another thing for the Alt AU by @shmorp-mcdurgen ! May or may not be a semi-continuation of ‘Eye for an Eye’ It’s probably a little off-canon; but I don’t pay much attention to Gabriel’s little canon bits and bobs and it’s now coming back to bite me

(Also I did my best to accurately portray OCD here. I apologize in advance for anything I may have gotten wrong or any backhanded representation.)

SUMMARY: Gabriel semi-officially meets the rest of B.P.S. for the first time. Cesar at least tries to be affable, Sarah...Does not. Alternatively: Local Non-Binary Lieutenant gets their Pride Kicked to Shit by a Seething Young Adult with a grudge, more at 12

TW: LOSS OF A LIMB, MENTION OF BLOOD, MENTIONS OF A CORPSE BEING EATEN, MENTION OF A CAR ACCIDENT, METAPHORICAL BURN WOUND. This once again sounds worse than it actually is.

‘Huh. I didn’t know he had a cat.’ The cat loafed on the coffee table just within eyesight, seemingly unaware of the lieutenant’s pale blue eyes on it. Its tail was swishing slightly as it looked everywhere but at them.

“Not good with strangers, eh?”

That got the cat’s attention. Gabriel started to hold one of their hands out to it, only to end up looking like a fool due to their newfound lack of one. Still, the cat sat up and leaned foreword to sniff at the stump where their arm now ended.

“Now you’re friendly.” Gabriel carefully sat up and rested their chin in their hand. “Weren’t interested in me until you smelled blood? You’re a bit twisted.”

The cat blinked at them. It leaned out again to sniff the stump some more when a sound made it jerk its head back and strain its ears. Gabriel didn’t have to strain theirs to hear the same sound-someone was at the front door. How long were they out?

The cat jumped off the coffee table and made its way out in a happy bounce. Gabriel watched it go before leaning their head back and listening to the voices coming from the entrance.

“Hello, kitty!” One cooed. “I didn’t see you this morning! Are you hungry?”

“I wonder if he’ll eat the lieutenant,” another one added.

“Don’t even joke about that.”

“What? I’m just saying. Cats eat humans when they think they’re dead, don’t they?”

“They’re about as likely to as dogs are.”

The second voice feigned a gasp. “Cesar, you take that back! Puppies would never do that.”

“Neither would cats,” Cesar shot back in a playfully snide voice.

The argument was dropped with no apparent winner due to Cesar walking into the living room and almost dropping the cat now in his arms when he saw Gabriel. “OH-jeez, you scared me. Good morning, again. How do you feel?”

Gabriel shrugged, then gestured to the cat. “It’s yours?”

“Yeah, this is-this is Jonny.” Cesar crouched to put the cat down and brushed cat hair off his shirt. “He’s my...Therapy cat.”

A person with long brown hair poked her head into the room. Gabriel went a little on guard when her expression went from curious to murderous.

“So.” She leaned against the entranceway and crossed her arms. “You’re awake.”

Cesar sighed. “Don’t start...”

“What? I can’t comment on the appearance of things?”

He shot the long-haired person a glare. She stuck her tongue out in response and brushed past him to practically collapse into the ratty-looking armchair across the room. “Why’s he-”

“They.”

“Why’re they still here, anyway?” For someone who clearly didn’t like Gabriel, this person at least had the decency to switch pronouns. “I thought Seth was, you know, going to take ‘em to the bloody hospital so we don’t have to worry about the cops breaking down our fuckin’ door.”

“Maybe he’s not up yet, Sarah,” Cesar said with a shrug. “So be a little more welcoming, would you?”

Sarah make a “blah blah blah” motion with her hand. Cesar picked up a nearby pillow and threw it at her.

“I’m sorry about her.” He sat next to Gabriel and clearly made an effort to meet their eyes, though it didn’t appear to be easy. “She, ah...Doesn’t like you very well.”

“You don’t say.”

Cesar winced. Jonny meandering over made him pick him up and set him on his lap. The longer Gabriel watched the cat rub his head against Cesar and purr, the less skeptical they were of his therapy animal status.

A pillow suddenly smacked into Gabriel, startling Jonny off Cesar’s lap. Sarah looked away innocently when Cesar snapped at her. “What the fuck, Sarah?!”

“You’re the one who gave me ammunition,” she replied in a sing-song voice.

“He threw a pillow at you.” Gabriel pointedly ignored Cesar whispering for them to “not push her buttons” as they tossed the pillow aside and roughly wiped off their hand on the couch (which did nothing. They still felt the germs there. Note to self: learn to wash your hands when you’ve only got one.). “And it sounds more and more like it was deserved.”

“I’ll fucking tell you what was deserved, you self-important pompous son of a-”

“Hot chocolate!” Cesar stood up suddenly, a clearly fake smile on his face. “Who wants some hot chocolate? I could really go for some, it’s cold as Hell outside!”

“No no, let her finish.” Gabriel crossed their arm and leaned back against the couch. “What were you saying about me, little girl?”

If looks could kill, they would be dead. Sarah leaned forward in her chair and was practically baring her teeth. “I know who deserves what, pal.”

“Do you.”

“Maybe with marshmallows?” Cesar suggested weakly.

“I know that you deserve whatever’s coming for you. I know that my brother deserved more of a life to live. He would have been thirty this year if you incompetent bastards didn’t brush him under the rug like he meant nothing.”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about-”

“Oh I’ll bet you don’t.” Sarah dropped her chin into her hand. “You never do, do you? No one over there has any idea what’s happening half the time, and during the other half you throw people under the bus to save your own sorry skins when you know damn well you’re supposed to protect us.”

That hit a nerve. “I don’t expect you to know that we are as lost as anyone, but that doesn’t mea-”

“Oh, sure!” Sarah waved her hand. “You have no idea what’s going on. That’s why you’re always the first at the scene, right?”

“How about extra cocoa?” Cesar tried again, now tugging on his bangs. Gabriel would be sympathetic-he was trying to establish some peace, after all-but their pride doesn’t take a beating lying down.

“I wasn’t the lieutenant of the force at the time. Stop. Blaming. Me.”

“You still could have done something.”

“I didn’t even know that he was-”

“I’ll bet you didn’t! Did you not know about Cesar? Huh? When he got into that fucking car crash that was caused by one of those damn creatures, when he tried to call for help-did you not know about that either?”

“Sarah, I get that you’re angry.” Cesar had clearly given up trying to sooth both adults’ nerves, seeing as his voice was now low and shaky. “But don’t bring me into this as ammo.”

Sarah looked ready to snap at him before she caught herself and ran her fingers through her hair, wincing at her behavior. “Shit. I’m sorry, Ces.”

A heavy yet awkward silence fell before Cesar left, presumably to actually make the hot chocolate he was promising earlier. Gabriel, for their part, felt a little like Sarah had ripped a Band-Aid off a burn wound and put a lighter to it.

Their genuine confusion had done nothing to sway her. She was going on about things they had no idea of. And Cesar physically looked pretty damn fine for someone who supposedly got into a car wreck.

But then there was the fact that he wouldn’t look Gabriel in the eye for longer than a second. The scar on the back of his hand that ended somewhere under his sleeve. Jonny the cat’s existence, the need for a therapy animal at all, Sarah bringing it up being the final nail in the coffin for his patience-what the Hell went on in this county that they didn’t know about? Were these recent events?

Jonny mrrping at Gabriel pulled them from their thoughts. The cat nosed his way under their hand and curled up in their lap. The cat hair that came off onto their hand made them want to claw their skin offl, but they didn’t have the heart to shove the cat off them.

Not when Sarah was glaring at them out of the corner of her eye again.

‘Greer had better wake up soon.’

#Lieutenant Gabriel #Cesar Torres #Sarah Heathcliff #TMC #the mandela catalogue #El writes

[cheemken]

Need to get back into the Villain Diantha AU brainrot again. Need some angst or wholesome stuff, doesn’t matter what

Only if you aren’t busy tho. I know you’re writing oneshots about the champions rn

Nah it's fine I'm taking a break from writing a bit since I already wrote two, I'm gon try posting em later and such hahah if I don't forget that is

Anyways yeah have some more villain Dia stuff that's been plaguing my mind too owo

Y'know have I actually like,, written stuff abt Diantha and Augustine's reunion or smth, cause like,,, if we're going w that one concept w Dia and Cynthia in the basement, then maybe Dia just said she doesn't want to keep Augustine waiting so Cynthia would leave too, and she wouldn't have to really hurt her

Idk how their reunion would go tho I want it to be like really fucking angsty but I also want it to be somewhat wholesome and it shows how Augustine can still pull out what little humanity Diantha has left within her

But like cndmdn imagine Augustine going back to the Carnet Manor, no one with him this time, bc the League was out finding Dia on their own too. Cynthia isn't w him right now bc of champions stuff, so he's on his own. The only pkmn he has w him is Garchomp, he left Xerneas w Calem again, thinking that if Diantha finds out he still has Xerneas, then she'd think he'd still attack her. So hey, now w his Garchomp, venturing the living room of the Carnet Manor. He never got to look around more, but now he did. There's a broken piano at the far end of the living room, and just on top of the fireplace there are some pictures coated with dust, some of the frames and glasses were broken, the pictures themselves were ripped and torn apart, leaving only Diantha's own face.

"why must you bother with those things, my darling?"

He turns and sees Diantha sitting on the couch, her usual attire without her white coat, and he could see the burnt purple skin of her right arm. "If you're looking for mother, she's right here." And she motioned to the ashes a few feet away from her, the one covering the burnt wood of the floor, the one covering that cursed C on it.

Swallowing a lump in his throat, he spoke, "Dia.. I've been looking for you.."

"really?" Came out almost a drawl, her eyes half lidded but it pierced right through him, "after you went against me?" She stood up and stepped closer to him, and he took a step back.

Augustine was terrified, Diantha never got mad at him, never. Even when he made countless mistakes, even when he rebelled against her when they were younger, she never got mad at him, never raised her voice, not even once. But this time he probably took it a step too far, he never saw such hatred in his sisters eyes aimed towards him before.

To his surprise tho, Dia pulled him close, hugging him, "oh, my darling... What have they done to you? What did they tell you for you to go against me? Have I not done everything for you?"

"of course you have, Dia. You gave me everything I ever wanted and more.. but.. but Diantha, this has to stop. You're killing people."

"have they not killed others as well?" Then she pulled away, looking at him, the intensity of her glare was petrifying, and he took another step back. Her looks softened, although... It felt like it didn't. It felt somber, it felt... It felt like she's so tired. "Arceus... Do you know how much I hate looking at you sometimes, Augustine?" And that caught him off guard, "you look so much like her. And I hate it so much. I was terrified that you'd be like her, so I made sure you won't ever be like our degenerate of a mother. I made sure you won't kill me with the same flames she used to burn my own skin." She seethed, then she turned her back to him, facing the ashes of their mother, "and yet here you are, here she is, still tormenting me even beyond the grave."

And Augustine finally sees them. The burns on her back. The same cursive C on the floor tainting the skin of her shoulder blades too. More burns littered across her back, on her spine, on her nape. It was horrific. His breathing quickened when she turned back to look at him again. Her eyes looked tired, she looked tired, and she cried. She cried, letting the tears fall, and it hurts his own heart seeing her like that, as this was the first time he ever truly saw her cry.

"I sacrificed everything for you, Augustine. Was that not enough? I only wanted this world to be better, so you won't ever get hurt again. Is that so bad?" Came out her almost desperate plea, and she watched her brother crumble before her words, his own tears brimming his eyes as he shook his head.

"Of course it was enough! Dia, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.." and he's there taking her hands, falling to his knees as he started sobbing too, choaking out his apologies. And like before, like when she just got custody of him, on their first night on her apartment, he clung to her, "I'm sorry... You're right.. I should've listened to you, you're only trying to make this world better.."

And Diantha buried her face on the crook of his neck, cooing sweet nothings as she comforts him, telling him how she forgives him for everything, that everything will be fine, and she's there hiding the smile on her face as she finally got her brother back on her side. And this time, she'll make sure the others won't ever get to him again.

#oughh these two also make me so fucking ill #idk but i love the angst going on w them #and just ncmdn #sycamore resembling mom carnet is just a stab at dia's heart fr #but hey yknow shes like vibing her sweet lil brother isnt like mom carnet #and when she finally had sycamore under her roof she promised herself neither of em are gonna be like their parents #and hey it worked yknow. she did everything in her own power to raise sycamore right. despite her also lowkey controlling nature #she just never thought the others would get past all the things she said to him and having him go against her #but hey its fine now hes back and shes not letting him go again #villain diantha au #an ask and an answer #jerseyk112

[suspiciouscatastrophe]

A ventpost detailing my feelings on being unable to fully get over elementary school

(in case anybody relates, and, let's be real, because it felt so therapeutic to write)

CW: bullying, brief mentions of animal death, suicide-baiting, child-on-child sexual harassment (verbal and forced kissing)

I consistently fail to be the bigger person.

I am not a child anymore. I'm well into my twenties now. I haven't set foot in either of my elementary schools (went to two, the first from the age of 6 to 9, the other from 10 to 14) in years.

I should be able to forgive and forget. It's the mature thing to do. It's the wise thing to do. It's the strong thing to do.

Yet I can't. I haven't. I didn't. I still seethe.

Even though they have already forgiven and forgotten me.

I still remember meeting a former classmate on a train. It was just a few years ago. He said hello, asked how was I doing, smiled at me. He smiled at me. Probably expected us to chat.

He remembered my name, my face.

And I remembered his. I remembered – and I still do – him sitting in the desk one row in front of mine when we were in the fifth grade. Every recess, like clockwork, he would turn to me and start telling me how relieved my parents would be when I finally commit suicide. In hindsight, it should be funny. Imagine this small 10/11 y. o. boy monologuing his little heart out trying to come up with the most grown-up sounding heavy-ass mean speeches. But back then it wasn't very comical.

I wonder if he has any idea that I still think about his words from time to time. I wonder if he figured out that I didn't leave the train carriage because I "had a reserved seat in a different one", but because I wanted to have nothing to do with him.

Also several years in the past, I have started receiving phone calls from yet another former classmate of mine. He always called around 4 AM, since he moved to the US and couldn't be bothered to figure out the time zones so that the times were somewhat acceptable for both of us.

I have never given him my number, but that wasn't surprising. I made the mistake of exchanging numbers with some girls in our class back then when I got my first phone at 9, and one of them or several must've passed mine along. I knew that almost everybody had my number somehow, as proven by the amount of prank calls and harassment I was receiving all throughout elementary school and a bit after, too.

Anyway. The boy wanted to reconnect. He apparently thought of me as an old friend. He told me that his life overseas sucked and he was extremely lonely. He told me that he has always had a crush on me and that he wanted me to come visit him in California.

My memories of our "friendship" are quite different, though. I wasn't teasing him when I was saying almost daily that I hated him and wished he would leave me alone, I meant it. He was relentless. He bothered me constantly, daily, most of the time multiple times a day. He mocked me for every little thing. He sexualized me a lot (for clarity, the sexual aspect was only verbal, he nor any of the male bullies never touched me). He kept stealing and destroying my stuff, mainly art supplies and notebooks. His torment ranged from annoying to purely cruel, even going as far as making celebratory comments about the death of my cat, gleefully informing me that he'd send flowers to the guy who ran her over.

He was joking the whole time, but never with me, always at my expense. To him, it might’ve been the two of us "playing". It might’ve been banter. It might’ve been bonding. To me, though, it felt like he was just an enemy hellbent on siphoning all the remaining joy and safety from my life.

This boy apologized to me during one of his 4 AM calls. He said he regretted the way he treated me. He said he was being an idiot. I told him we were both just silly kids and that I have forgiven him.

That was a lie. I haven't managed to forgive him yet.

My first kiss was with a girl in the fourth grade. Well, I was in the fourth grade, she was in the second. Given that I started elementary school at 6 not 7 and therefore I was a year younger then most of my classmates, that would technically make me only one year her senior.

Nevertheless, she cornered me in the after-school playroom. Most of the pupils went there, it was a place when we waited to be picked up by our parents after class, still a part of the school, still watched over by teachers. It was only one big room, though, and so everybody saw.

Several kids surrounded me. I was one of the oldest, if not the oldest in there, but that didn't matter. I was puny and autistic, and by all means I looked, seemed and felt at least 3 or 4 years behind my actual age.

I also had the reputation of the "ugly girl". That was the point of the whole scene. The kid in question was an edgy one. She was the one child that learned a lot of profanities and kept trying to shock and impress her peers by inserting innuendos and stories about her made up "sexscapades" into every conversation. I doubt she even knew what most of the words meant, I certainly didn't, but it sounded dirty and I guess that was good enough for her. Well, and she was at it again, loudly gloating that she was such a force of nature when it came to doing "IT" that she would make out even with the stink goblin (me).

Unceremoniously she grabbed me and put her lips on mine as the other kids laughed. I don't actually remember how the kiss itself felt. It wasn't important to me at all, the only thing that mattered was how humiliated and used I felt. I think I laughed awkwardly, too, when she let go of me. I thought that what happened was normal and that I just needed to grin and bear it to save face.

It felt like there was no escape, like the only way for the constant fear, conflict and dehumanisation to stop was to wait it out. I did that. I waited it out, and it stopped. But at what cost? I honestly think I've just started unlearning some of the maladaptive behaviors and mindsets that I've internalized during that period of my life. Could've I done something sooner?

I'm still unsure what would I do now, what advice would I give to my elementary school self?

Going to adults proved to be less than useless.

When I was in the first grade and a group of fourth graders made it their regular pass-time to hold me in a chair and recline it, threatening me to let me fall onto the shelves behind us and crack my head, I couldn't see through the absurdity in their game. I was 6. So it had me genuinely terrified. I cried – and I cried for help. What did the teacher do upon hearing me?

She scolded me for being noisy.

When I told my parents that everybody in the school hated me and that they kept hurting me, they laughed and told me that it was normal, that the other kids were just teasing me because they were in love with me. Boys will be boys, amirite?

When I got upset because "my enemies" (that's the word I used) stole my set of pencils and threw it onto the wall, shattering the thing (the pencils were woodless), I got told that was what I get for bringing it to school.

When someone seemed to get fed up on our behalf with how me and my best friend at the time were treated and anonymously told the teacher, she took the whole class aside and after a brief "bullying is bad, kids" speech she let the class vote whether they thought there was any bullying actually going on in there. The vote was overwhelmingly "no", so that it was democratically concluded I wasn't being bullied in the first place.

Funnily enough, I agreed at that time. I mean, I thought that bullying was when kids push others in shoe lockers. I thought that bullying had to include bloody noses and black eyes and dead animals on the porch. When you were beaten up, then you were bullied. But if you didn't have the bruises to show for it... then you were just unpopular.

The intervention changed only one thing; it added "snitch" to my long list of unflattering characteristics in the public consciousness. I mean, who would believe me that it wasn't me who told her? Nobody.

Sometime in the latter chunk of elementary school my teacher (another one) noticed that I wasn't doing exactly stellar. I had frequent meltdowns in which I conducted myself with about the amount of subtlety of a 12 year old having a meltdown. I cried, climbed the furniture and cried more, exclaiming loudly that I do not care about what they think of me, since I am the darkness and I reclaim every insult they throw my way, and they're pathetic anyway, since no matter how much they hate me, I hate myself MORE. Well-adjusted child moment. Anyway, she noticed and sent me to the school psychologist.

Don't get me wrong. The psychologist was a delightful lady, very nice, and I loved talking to her. I adored her. She seemed to kinda understand me, and that was enough. My only friend at the time also "kinda understood", since her situation was similar (as it was later revealed, by my fault, since they hated her for hanging out with me), but neither of us had the emotional intelligence and communication skill to have a productive conversation or meaningfully support one another, so the psychologist was truly the best bet.

But I couldn't tell her a lot, could I? I didn't even acknowledge most of the stuff I now see as fucked up, since I saw it as a normal consequence of me being Evil and Useless. Maybe I did tell her something about my relationship with my peers. I don't remember, but it couldn't be enough to make her take any action. Because she didn't.

Anyway, I remember one particular conversation, a breakthrough, if you will. We were on the topic of me hating myself.

I didn't have the self-awareness nor the vocabulary to tell her that I felt like no matter what I do, I would always be seen as subhuman by people around me, so I came to the conclusion that there must've been something wrong with me.

I didn't have the self-awareness nor the vocabulary to tell her that I adopted self-loathing as a way to atone for my mistakes and escape further punishments. See? I'm just like you, fellow children, I also hate me. So you don't have to. I already took care of it.

I didn't have the self-awareness nor the vocabulary to tell her that I made it so ingrained in my identity that I was afraid that if it changed, there would be nothing left of me.

So I just said something bad about myself.

And she responded, "If you truly hate yourself, why don't you just change?"

It broke my heart.

Anyway, sorry for the tangent. The adults were useless. I still seethe over the teachers, even over the nice psychologist lady. It was her job to know better. I seethe over my father who, to this day, doesn't think he did or said anything wrong to me – ever. I have forgiven my mom, though. She apologized to me multiple times and I think she understands now. The others? Useless.

But that's not the point of the post. It's not about the adults. It's about the kids. And it's about me, an entire grown-up still not over events that happened more than 10 years ago. Am I immature? Am I in the wrong?

I do not wish anything but healing on the today's adults who used to be the children who each helped to fuck me up for life. I know nothing of their lives, and I bet they had it just as hard as I did, if not harder. They're not the people they were in elementary school. I'm not either. My younger self was an ass, too. We grew. I do not wish to ever speak to them, but I hope they're doing well.

The kids that live in my memories, though, I am not capable of forgiving.

...AITA?

#personal #vent #longpost #bullying #animal death #suicide-baiting #this felt so therapeutic to write #I sacrificed night sleep but it feels like I finally made a breakthrough in myself #so it's worth it

[wizkiddx]

3 hearts broken

I did an angst thing again oops also not proof read double oops

summary: an argument between you and tom, except it takes him hurting someone else for you to loose it

warnings: alot of swearing (im British sorry not sorry) idk anything else except commitment issues?

////////////////////////////////////////////

It was an argument you and your boyfriend regularly had. In fact, it was the only argument the two of you ever had. And especially recently, one that Tom seemed to want to have every day. It didn’t matter where you were on set; in the rental home; out for dinner. Or like now… in the airport lounge.

You were sitting across from each other in a semi-private booth. Tom in his joggers and a burgundy hoodie, you in your black leggings and an oversized tee that actually belonged to your boyfriend. The rest of the place was almost deserted, given the late-night time of the flight. It was probably why Tom felt so comfortable bringing up this touchy subject in a public place.

You were both way past overtired too, owing to the end of a gruelling shoot. All you wanted was to get back to London and get into your own bed. Without an unnecessary fight with Tom.

Unfortunately for you, when you had naively said those exact words, Tom’s overtired brain skipped straight to it being a personal attack.

“I don’t see why you can’t commit to moving in Y/n! We practically live together for filming anyway so-“

“I love you Tom, more than I could ever express. I just… I can’t do this yet. I need… more-“

“More time, I know.” He grumbled, already standing and slinging his duffel bag over his shoulder - as the flight’s gate was announced by the intercom. Had he not already turned his back and started heading along the hallway, you would’ve tried to protest and calm him down. But thanks to his urgency to get away from you… all you could do was sigh. Slumping back against the seat before hauling yourself up and grabbing the bags - that he had helped you with on the way in.

No doubt this would be a long flight.

That it was. Tom had been maturely giving you the silent treatment at the gate, as you were boarding, and finding you seats. You were both in first class, so you had adjacent little pods with a little partition in the middle. It’s standard position was to be lowered however, before you’d even been able to settle into your window seat, Tom had already switched to button to have it slowly slide up.

Real fucking mature.

Thinking he just needed some time to cool off, you rolled your eyes but let him be. Even though you were such a frequent flier, you were terrible at getting any sleep on them. Tom knew this, knew how much you disliked the idea of being hurtling through the air in a tin can. Usually, he’d be holding your hand, entertaining you by watching a movie and providing a shit commentary over the top. Sometimes, when you were both as exhausted as right now, he’d even slide into your chair, having you perch on top of him so you could fall asleep listening to his heartbeat in his chest. Now though? He refused to acknowledge your existence.

Tom never had such issues flying, he was like a switch that could just choose to fall asleep at any and every point. Which is perhaps why it shocked you to see him still wide awake, staring angrily at the corner of his pod when you went to the loo, hours later. Thinking it was time for a peace offering, on the return to your seat you made eye contact and began to smile softly at him. However, that plan lasted for all of two seconds, since as soon as he realised you had seen him staring, Tom instantly shut his eyes - playing asleep.

He really was being particularly stubborn tonight.

By the time the plane landed, he’d still refused to say anything - and it was starting to really piss you off too. You’d tried to be mature, tried to offer the metaphorical olive branch and he had quite literally thrown it back in your face. So by the time you were being escorted off the plane (first because you were first class), you hung back from your boyfriend, wanting to have your own space.

Which was exactly why you didn’t want to give up your own apartment yet!

The two of you walked across the bridge into the terminal with a good 8 metres between each other. Tom didn’t bother to turn round and check on you, taking purposeful steps as though he wanted to get away.

Thankfully the terminal was quiet, probably due to the ungodly hour in the morning you’d landed at. The halls echoed only with your and Toms footsteps, the echo exaggerating just how far away you felt from him at this point. Still, Tom hadn’t acknowledged your existence, or anyone elses for that matter - the pair of you almost got to baggage reclaim before seeing any other humans.

And that is where it all went wrong.

It was typical, an otherwise empty airport except for you, Tom and a family with 2 girls. 2 teenage girls. 2 teen girls whose eyes widened to almost comical levels at the sight of your boyfriend. You’d seen them from a mile away, but from Tom’s reaction to them - he clearly hadn’t.

In fact, you were such a distance away you couldn’t exactly hear the exchange. But what you saw, had your heart in your mouth.

The girls ran over from the seats their whole family were sitting in, squealing at Tom with that overcited little jump you’d seen so often. Instead of Tom turning to them and entertaining them with small talk and a photo or two - he did the opposite. If anything, he quickened his cadence, looked as though he waved the girls off without muttering two words.

And maybe there was a reason. Maybe they had shouted something really rude at him - but fuck, the chances were slim. One looked ten, and one looked a couple of years older - as you approached, you saw the dejected and shocked faces melt into ones of intense disappointment. The eldest turned and hugged the younger, whose chest appeared to be shaking in a way that meant only one thing. Tom had made her cry.

Just as both the mother and father stood up to rush to the girls, you matched their hurried steps - getting their first.

“Hi, excuse me… “

You felt really awkward but knew you had to do something for these poor girls. And quite possibly for Toms career too. “Are you guys okay?” It took a second or two, but the girls clearly both recognised you too (thank god), throwing nervous looks at each other.

“Are yo-you Y/n?” The younger one asked, bright eyes glazed in tears which broke your heart to see.

“Yeh-yeh I am, what are your names?” You knelt, smiling warmly at the girls, who seemed to chirp up a bit.

“I’m Tima” The eldest spoke first before nudging the other to speak. You waited patiently till the little girl had wiped her eyes before replying.

“I’m Azara.”

“Wow, you’ve both got very beautiful names. Where are you both headin-“

“Can I ask you a question!?” Litte Azara burst out, interrupting you, but in the cutest and sweetest way. You just laughed and said of course, as she twiddled with her thumbs nervously.

“How big is the biggest T-rex?” Her little eyes were so curious and you had to suppress a giggle, seeing how serious it was.

Of course, the T-Rexs in Jurassic world (one of your movies) were all CGI. But Azara didn’t have to know that.

“Oh, they are bigger thanthan the tallest trees you’ve ever seen!”

You carried on your little chat with the girls for five or so minutes, laughing with them and exchanging soft nods with their parents too - who seemed appreciative of your time. Eventually, though, it was the dad who pulled time on the exchange, signalling that the girls had taken up enough of your time. As you stood up, Tima spoke up - after being relatively withdrawn from the conversation.

“You’re friends with Tom Holland right?” You nodded, subconsciously biting your lip to see what she would say. “Can you tell him sorry for bothering him, it’s just Azara was excited, we only wanted to say hi.”

Yeh, there was absolutely no way these incredibly sweet girls did anything to Tom. He was just being a knob.

“Hey, it’s not your fault at all. We’ve just had a really, really long flight, and he’s in a bit of a mood at me - I’m so sorry that he let it out on you.”

That explanation seemed to satisfy Tima with a nod, and with some final hugs you bid the girls both farewell. By this point, the rest of your plane had caught up along the corridors, so it was busier, and you had to fight against the small crowd to get through the airport as quickly as possible. Because you were seething with rage for Tom and could not wait to tell him exactly what those poor girls thought of him.

Unsurprisingly Tom had chosen not to wait for you in the airport at all, instead already hiding inside the blacked-out windows of the 4x4 waiting at the collection point. You marched up to that car angry to the point you thought the whole airport would notice. Yanking the door so hard you were surprised you did no damage to it, you threw your bags in - momentarily ignoring the sight of Tom huddled into a corner, staring at his phone with AirPods in.

But once you slammed the door shut and the driver started the car, you let yourself go.

“Who the fuck do you think you are!”

“Y/n can we just leave it for- “

“You made 2 girls cry!!! You were so self-absorbed in your temper tantrum that you made 2 teenage girls cry. You proud of yourself?”

This time he did look at you, eyes wide and confused - clearly not understanding. So you continued - laying it out for him.

“Those two girls you waved off because you were so busy running away from me? Well the youngest one cried and then the eldest didn’t speak and when she did it was only to ask me to apologise to you. You’re a fucking dickhead!”

“I didn’t mean-“

“Oh god, that makes it all better. You didn’t mean to make them cry on purpose, so it’s fine! God if you’d only said I’d-“

“Fuck off Y/n you’re not being fair, cut the sarcasm.”

“I’m not being fair?!? Because I’m the bad person in this situation, right? I just saved you from a very, very bad headline tomorrow morning because you were too busy giving me the silent treatment.”

“Yeah, well, your the one who doesn’t seem to give a damn about me!”

You scoffed hard at his words, air trapped in your throat that now felt completely stuck. How could he say that? How could he even think that?

As much as you hated showing it, you felt your eyes well up with tears. Because who the fuck did he think he was.

“Now that, that is so unfair. You know exactly my history and why I don’t want to move in yet AND you know just how much I fucking love you. So don’t you dare.”

“You're not convincing anyone.” He spoke quieter, but the venom behind his tone was still there. As the first tear escaped over your bottom lashes, you knocked on the partition to the driver and asked him, in no uncertain terms, to pull over.

“Congrats Tom. That’s three women you’ve broken the hearts of in 20 minutes. Must be some sort of a record.”

And with that you slammed the door shut, abandoned on the side of the road somewhere within Heathrow.

?a part 2? idk where id go from here aha

tagging: @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala

#tom x reader #tom holland fic #tomholland #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #famous!reader #tom holland x famous!reader #tom holland x actress!reader

[weepingvoidpenguin]

One of Your Favorites

Jealous Bucky x Reader

Summary: You have an objective. Get Rumlow to confess. Simple enough, right? No. Aside from his usual condescending attitude towards you, Bucky has made it extremely apparent that he doesn’t think you’re capable of - well, anything, but especially not handling Rumlow. And yet, he is the biggest challenge of this entire ordeal.

Warning: T R I G G E R WARNING!! ATTEMPTED SA, DRUGS, language, light smut. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT READ IF SA WILL TRIGGER YOU. 

Word Count: 8.3k

   “We have good intel stating he’s working as a double agent for HYDRA. Selling information, exploiting tactics, even going so far as to tell them where we’ll be and when.” Natasha scanned the room, making sure she had everyone’s attention during the briefing. 

   You slouched back in your swivel chair and twisted to-and-fro slightly with your hands gripping the arm rests on either side. It took all of your willpower to act engrossed in her words. And you meant every single drop. You’d been paying attention, sure, but the only issue was the dominating presence two seats to your right and directly in your line of sight to Natasha. You rolled your chair to the left to clear the path for the third time, only for him to block your way without missing a beat. The growl that left your mouth was nearly involuntary. Nearly.

   How long would this man act like a child? Despite his graceful and seemingly unsuspecting movements, you were fully aware his placement was intentional. This was not the first, nor did you doubt that it would be the last, time that Bucky acted impudently toward you. Frankly, you’d grown bored of his behavior. It was the same thing everyday. He would act a nuisance during the briefings, speak over you whenever he had the chance, steal the limelight from you and invalidate any concerns or thoughts you shared. The whole charade grew tiring and he had been dancing on thin ice for months now.

   You averted your gaze from burning holes through the freshly washed, brown locks and switched your attention back up to the redhead. Thankfully, too, because you managed to catch the end of her sentence just as she locked eyes with you.

   “And that’s why Y/N is going to be the one to extract the information from him,” she finished.

   You blinked, “Wait, what?” 

   Bucky straightened his posture and threw a quick glance your way, “Yeah, what? She’s got no heat, couldn’t toast marshmallows if we gave her all day. She shouldn’t lead this, she wouldn’t know how,”

   “Well, tonight might be a good time to start learning, then,” Steve chimed in, throwing a wink your way. You smiled and appreciated his aid, not because you needed it but because at this point, you were seething and if you opened your mouth to defend yourself this meeting would go south, quickly. Luckily, Steve always believed you were capable of a great deal of things and knew you strove for more experience so any opportunity to lead or expand was one he thought you should take. 

   “Besides,” Tony spoke up, twirling a platinum pen between his fingers from across the table, “our little double-agent has always had the hots for Y/N so unless you’re gonna be the one to bat your eyelashes at him and get him alone in a room, Mr. Barnes, we have to use his own flaws against him.” He turned to face you and held up a hand, “Not to say that liking you is a flaw, you’re great Hot-Stuff but exploiting him is our best option indefinitely,”

   “Do I have to seduce him?” You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest and raising a brow towards Nat, trying your damned hardest to avoid the unmistakable glare the brown-haired super soldier was sending your way. 

   “The only thing you have to do is extract any information on him that you can. Get him a little drunk, catch him in a slip-up or two, take note of any inconsistent stories and be on your merry way,” she reassured, “How you manage to do that is up to you,”

   “Ooh, extortion,” Clint chirped up from the far back corner, his hands rubbing together maliciously around an arrow he pulled from his sheathe, something you noticed he did a lot when he was uninterested; be it a person, mission, or conversation.

   “No. Not extortion,” Steve shut it down and you chuckled at how Clint’s countenance fell into one of disappointment. 

   “Not yet anyway,” Natasha mumbled and you sighed as she walked around the room and handed each of you a folder with your individual objectives inside.

   “But he’s such a pervert,” you grumbled.

   “All the easier,” 

~

   The rest of the day was drudged with Nat while she taught the pertinence of body language (both yours and theirs), verbal ruses, and overall ensnarement. You bat your eyelashes until you were certain you would catch enough wind to fly away, smirked enough that your cheeks began to ache and raised your eyebrows ‘til you felt the impending wrinkles on your forehead. By the end of the drill you weren’t sure you were even going to make it to the company party from the migraine creeping its way on.

   “How’s the bait coming along?” His voice alone caused you to roll your eyes but you paid no mind while you rubbed at your temples and stood up alongside Natasha.

   “She’s not gonna be able to lie to me any time soon but she can flirt her way to whatever she wants,”

   “Benefits of targeting a narcissistic misogynist, they don’t think anyone can fool them.” Tony belted as he sauntered into the room with strawberries, offering them out to you while he munched on one.

   “She’ll still mess it up,” Bucky countered, “Make someone else do it,”

   You plucked the fruit off Tony’s tray and examined it, trying to figure out whether you were going to consume it or use it as a weapon.

   “I really appreciate your words of encouragement, James. Unfortunately, they’re not wanted, nor are they needed.” You bit into the fruit and glided towards the door, looking over your shoulder at the super soldier, “So unless you actually have something to contribute, I suggest you stay the hell out of my way while I get the job done,”

   Nat walked out behind you and handed you a tiny, skin-colored device meant to conceal itself and you placed it in your ear. 

   “The conversation is gonna be recorded so we can catch any inconsistencies. We’ll all be able to hear what you’re saying so tread on delicate waters but don’t be afraid to shake mountains if you have to,”

   You nodded and opened your door for her to enter your room knowing she’d want to help you get ready for the event. Natasha, shocking as it turns out, enjoys company while preparing for events. She would much prefer to be surrounded by people than be alone. You never had gall to ask her why that is. Or maybe you respected her too much to ask.

   An hour had passed, maybe two, but you enjoyed the silence between you both. There was no need to fill the empty quiet when it was so comfortable and welcoming. You two spoke without words at times and that was probably your favorite personal skill. Eventually, there came a knock on your door and you opened to find Wanda with her flat iron and make-up bag in tow. It’d long since been decided that your room was the gathering center.

   Wanda helped you finish touching up your outfit and you waited on your bed while they finished getting ready. Nat occasionally quizzed you on certain situations and how you should act depending on the tones and moods of the conversation. You tried to explain that you didn’t have difficulty reading a room but Nat tested you all the same. 

   “And if he puts his hand on your thigh?” She called out from your bathroom.

   “Then he loses it,” you practically sang in response.

   You were met with a flying hairbrush and laughed at the onslaught.

   “You’re not the only one with that mentality,” Wanda called out as well, her iron glossing over thin strands of hair.

   “Nat knows I can handle myself.” You sat up on the bed and went over to your closet to collect your favorite pair of shoes to go along with the formal attire Nat selected for tonight. “What a coincidence that we happen to have a company party the same night we have to extract information,” you hollered over your shoulder, moving aside terribly worn shoes while you scoured for the pair you had in mind.

   “This objective has been in the works for weeks now,” Nat released the tendril of hair from around the barrel and pinned it to her head so it could cool.

   “Wow, thanks for the heads up, then.” You gripped the desired pair and placed them beside your nightstand for later.

   “The plan wasn’t solid until we knew for a fact that Rumlow was coming. It’s a company party so it’s not mandatory but once he heard you were making an appearance, it didn’t take very much persuading,”

   You rolled your eyes and plopped back down on your mattress, “He’s so annoying, I doubt I can hold much of a conversation with him,”

   “Take a shot or two to ease your nerves, if he sees you drinking it’ll put him at ease too. He’ll be more inclined to drink,” Natasha recommended. “But don’t act too out of character. If you were always curt and short with him and suddenly you start acting over-friendly, he may get suspicious. He’s an idiot but he’s a paranoid one,”

   You nodded, taking a mental note to have a half-empty bottle in your grasp when Rumlow arrives. If he thinks you’ve already been drinking, he might also consider catching up. 

   “Y/N? Not uptight for once?” Wanda sarcastically questioned. “I can’t picture it,”

   “Oh, fuck off,” you grumbled and in turn received laughter from the two girls. “Besides, of all of us I’m by far the least uptight. Barnes takes the cake for that one,”

   There was a beat of silence that you didn’t register before you were met with a response.

   “Ya know, he’s not as bad as you paint him out to be.” Nat unpinned the curl from her head and moved on to the next section, “He’s got some serious loyalty and always willing to volunteer first for everything,”

   You lifted your head to stare at her reflection through the mirror, “What are you talking about? He’s annoying and irate and lacks a filter,”

   “Mmm, irate isn’t the word I would use,” Wanda countered, looking over to Natasha.

   Nat shook her head in response, “I’d lean more towards . . . over-protective,” 

  “Much better,” Wanda agreed.

   You squinted your eyes at their image and felt the corners of your lips turn downwards, “Over-protective? Since when are you two defending Barnes?”

   “We’re not defending him, per say.” Wanda glanced over to Nat, “We’re just trying to give you a fresh perspective,” 

   “You could give me a brand new pair of eyes and I’d still see him the same,” you retorted, now leaning on your elbows due to the strain on your neck. 

   They ignored the comment, “And he’s only annoying to you,”

   “You’re telling me he doesn’t annoy you at all?” You asked, an eyebrow raised.

   “More like . . . he doesn’t go out of his way to mess with us.” Nat applied a nude color onto her lips.

   “So you agree that he goes out of his way to irritate me,” you stated rather than asked.

   “That’s been made very apparent,” Wanda responded. “But you have to wonder why,”

   You huffed a little and sprawled back out on the bed just to result in staring at the ceiling above. If you looked hard enough your mind would create pictures from the chaos of the cracks and shapes began to form. Sometimes, when the night lay still and life seemed to dwindle at the edges of your reality, you could swear a familiar face fashioned together and your imagination ran wild with the images you’d see. Some that brought a warmth to your cheeks even now. 

   You shot up out of bed and shook the memories from your vision. Ugh. He haunts you even when he’s not actively tormenting you. How he’s managed to crawl his way so deeply within your skin you had no idea but you fought for control of your thoughts whenever you caught them slipping into that hellhole.

   “Or slipping into euphoria,” Wanda chimed in.

   “Wanda!” You scolded, crossing your arms, “Euphoria my ass,”

   “Yeah, he thinks so too,” she continued and you chucked the abandoned hairbrush back their way. 

   “Stay out of my head,” you jokingly sniped at her but was met with a low chuckle.

   “I didn’t even have to be in your head to know what you were thinking of,” Nat defended and caught your weapon of choice.

   “Are you guys done yet?” You rolled your eyes and stretched yourself out before swiping up the pair of heels you’d chosen and sliding them onto your feet.

   “Why? Are you in a hurry to see a certain someone?” Natasha teased and Wanda let out an eruption of laughter.

   “All right, I’m done.” You made a beeline for the door and threw it open, “Lock up when you’re finished!” You bellowed over your shoulder and made your way to the top floor of the building where all the parties are typically held.

   You didn’t run into anyone on the way up and you used that time to calm yourself, prying inch by inch away from the invasive thoughts that called for you in the darkest hours of the night. But, then again, maybe those tormenting thoughts weren’t that bad? You mean, he certainly IS handsome, very much so actually. And he has the most knee-wobbling smirk you’d ever come to know, not to mention those little tricks he does with his knives always manage to entrance you. God, did he know how to use a knife. 

   On more than one occasion had you caught yourself staring at how his hands encapsulated the hilt of the blade. How they clenched and relaxed, drawing out some of the more prominent veins on one of the extremities; of course, you were even more so enticed by the hand he hid as well. You’d imagined what it felt like to have such strong hands grip onto your thighs and coax you into spreading them open with just a few teasing touches here and there. You couldn’t fathom the front you’d put up would last very long, he was stellar at pulling reactions from you. He’d see you break under his caresses and he’d degrade you like he always did but this time it’d emit a different response from you, one that made you whimper and shake. At that, he’d probably call you a good girl, he definitely seems the type to switch between degradation and praise, and would press his mouth up just where you wanted it the most. You’d try your hardest to be quiet but damn the way that tongue moved against you and the way he’d pull you harder against his face at each sound of pleasure you let slip past your lips. He’d enjoy it, too. Eyes closed as he devours you, he likes to put on a show for you to watch. Give you a memory that’ll slick your thighs later that night if he hadn’t fucked you into a coma by then. He’d make you watch him and if you dared to close your eyes you’d earn a firm, cold smack on your ass. He knows you like when he uses temperature play. He growls a little too, he can’t help his innate behavior. Then, just as the accumulation is coming to its apex he’d pull away abruptly and kiss you straight on your mouth so you can taste yourself and that’d earn him another whimper which would result in another smack that leads to that cold metal trailing its way to your core and just as he pushes the tip of his finger inside-

   You cough and straighten your posture as the elevator door opens. When had you leaned up against the back wall of the elevator? Oh Gods, you could feel the slick at the apex of your thighs and you squeezed them together as inconspicuously as you could in fear that you were producing a . . . scent that would be rather difficult to conceal. But the slick only grew worse when you locked eyes with the person stepping into the elevator.

   Fuck.

   “That’s what you chose to wear?” He asked, a certain venom in his tone that immediately calmed the ache in your heat.

   “And what would you have me wear instead, Barnes?” You quipped back, your body facing forward as he took his place beside you in the cramped space.

   There was a beat of silence. Then another. “Not that,” he responded.

   “Well I’ll make sure to ask you next time since you have such impeccable taste,” you retorted, your eyes yet to abandon the sight of the closing doors.

   You weren’t sure of all the effects of the Super Soldier Serum that had been injected into Bucky and all that it heightened but you prayed to any God that would listen that his hearing wasn’t one of those things. You were too preoccupied with attempting to settle the hot pulse beating between your legs to worry about how loud your discomfort came across.

   “What do you look so nervous about?” Bucky’s gruff voice prodded. “You can’t possibly be nervous about the mission considering how big-headed you are,”

   You took a deep, long breath and held it to soothe you. Had you not been so previously preoccupied, you’d have given him hell for the insult. “I’m not nervous about that,” you sniped and rested back against the cool wall to satiate your burning skin before lifting your gaze to him only to find him already examining you.

   “Of course not, I just said that,” he retorted, bringing a gloved hand to his face to rub along his jaw, “there’s obviously nothing for you to worry about,”

   You scoffed, “And why is that, Barnes?” Cue the dramatic crossing of your arms. 

   “You’re smarter than Rumlow and significantly better trained. Overall, he really doesn’t hold a candle to your ability,” He paused for a second, his whole frame tensing until he remembered to relax, “But that’s not really saying much considering it’s Rumlow,” 

   You hadn’t noticed you raised your eyebrows until you felt your face fall, “Ah, there he is. You had me worried there for a second, Barnes. Thought you might actually try something new and display common decency for once,”

   A corner of his mouth turned up subtly and he shook his head. You trailed your gaze down to his hidden hand and stared long enough to burn a hole through the fabric.

   “If something’s bothering you, Dollface, go ahead and speak up,” 

   You weren’t sure what possessed you to say anything, especially knowing how touchy the subject was for him but the words left your mouth anyway, “I don’t know why you insist on hiding yourself,”

   He lurched his head back, your statement seeming to have a physical affect on the man and you mentally slapped yourself for saying anything.

   “I’m not hiding myself,”

   “But you are,” you interrupted, your thoughts coming out in pools of candor, “you aren’t your hand. You aren’t your past. You are you. Presently. You’re not the Winter Soldier anymore. That’s not even the same hand you had back then. It’s not tainted and neither are you. I say drop the gloves,”

   “And why would I care about what you say?” He growled, his eyebrows furrowed together and his neck tight in potential restraint.

   The elevator dinged and you looked towards the opening doors, “You don’t have to but they don’t look right with your suit either.” You walked through the exit and sauntered over to the others who had already gotten the party started, leaving Bucky dumb-founded behind you. “I need a shot,”

   “Already ready,” Tony quipped up, holding the small glass in the air for everyone to behold before bringing his cheek to yours in mock welcoming, “This’ll up your tolerance for the next hour, try to get all your drinking done within that time-frame,”

   You pulled away with a warm smile after faux kissing his cheek, “Finally!” you displayed and threw the liquid back in one swift motion, your face scrunching together against your will.

   “Yeah, she’s got a kick to her,” he mumbled and handed you a fruity drink to chase it down with. 

   You went around and said hi to everyone as you recognized most of those present. You made small chatter with those lesser known and drank the liquid in your hand significantly quicker than you’d like to. You excused yourself after you finished the drink and walked over to the bar, scanning the room as you were handed another glass. No Rumlow in sight.

   You headed towards the foosball table and gripped the handles after setting the beverage down on the counter beside you. You flinched as a reflection of light caught your eye and at first you thought your glass was the source. Until your eyes fixated on the reflection’s actual origin. To your far right, and up a few steps you found Bucky conversing with Steve, a dull light emitting from his hand. Not a glove in sight.

   “So, where’s your boyfriend?” Sam inquired when he filled the opposing spot.

   You rolled your eyes, “Bucky’s not my boyfriend,”

   “Bucky?” Sam’s tone chirped up teasingly, a knowing look wearing on his face.

   Your grip tightened around the handles and you slowly pulled away to throw the little white ball through the circle, your hands immediately twisting the miniscule players around. Your eyes shot back and forth, your sight never leaving the darting sphere. Sam still managed to win the first point.

   “Ha!” He shouted in triumph, bringing his finger up as if to scold you, “Don’t think you got away with that comment either, Y/N,”

   “What comment?” you questioned and gulped most of your drink before slamming it back down on the table.

   You heard your earpiece come to life with quiet static and you tried to keep your face masked. Rumlow had entered. Not a surprise either, the party was finally starting to pick up now.

   Sam threw the ball in and you turned the players meticulously this time, brute strength hadn’t helped you earlier so maybe you should take it slow. Steve made his way over to the table and threw his drink back, the liquid trickling down the side of his face before he wiped it away. Sam won the second point.

   “I play winner,” Tony chimed, standing beside Steve.

   You made a point to catch up and now you two were tied at three each. 

   “Best out of five?” You proposed, quirking an eyebrow at Sam.

   “If you didn’t want to play anymore you could’ve just said that,” he teased and you smirked at him as Tony made a subtle show of handing you another drink and you finished your second. “Loser takes two shots?”

   “Deal.” You nodded, knowing you didn’t have much of a choice as a small crowd began to form around you two. Rumlow amongst them. 

   Your jaw dropped when Sam shot the ball directly into your goal as soon as he’d let the ball go.

   “What the fuck?” You shouted, “No fair! That doesn’t count!”

   Thor erupted in laughter to your right and you blinked slowly, staring at the gargantuan man. 

   “It most certainly does,” Sam shouted back, his grin practically touching his ears.

   “Sam, take it easy on her,” Bucky muttered from beside him, quickly averting his gaze from yours and his expression loosened, “The brat hates losing,”

   “Brat?” You snarled.

   Bucky took a swig of his beer, watching you the entire time and you reeled back the fire beginning to form in your chest just to bring your drink up to your lips and chug the entire thing down. You handed it over to Tony who left to replace it. 

   “Last point,” Sam stated, “It’s not too late to quit now,”

   You shook your head and blinked away the feign distortion you were supposed to have. “Just play the ball,”

   “Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he teased and threw the ball in. 

   You wanted to win. Desperately. But you had a character to play tonight and she was supposed to be drunk. So you hit your hand against the corner of the table just as Sam happened to make the winning point. You grumbled and threw him a glare when Tony broke through the crowd.

   “Coming through,” he shouted, handing two small glasses to you while you gripped your knuckles in pain. “Noooo, you’re not getting out of taking these. C’mon, take your punishment,”

   “Yes, Daddy,” you grumbled and cringed at your own words when the realization hit you. Whatever. You were supposed to be drunk, anyway. 

   “Daddy?” Tony quipped and pulled the drinks back towards himself, “Maybe you should be cut off,”

   “What?” You argued, leaning slightly on the table with your hand and snatching the drinks from Tony’s hold, effectively spilling some on yourself. “See?” You lifted up the half empty shot glass, “This barely counts as a shot,”

   “I’ll get her a new one,” Rumlow offered and disappeared before anyone could argue. 

   “She really doesn’t need another-” Bucky tried to interject and take the shots from you but you twisted around and chugged down the one full glass.

   Water.

   You looked up at Tony and his smirk was barely noticeable. But you could tell. Bucky nearly ripped the other drink from you but Tony blocked his path and you exaggerated your next drink as Rumlow broke back into the crowd, shot in tow.

   “Here.” Rumlow’s calloused hand held the drink up above you and you stared at him with a questioning look. “Open,” he ordered and the fire burning in your chest fought to destroy everything in its vicinity. You bit your lip in refrain but tossed your head back and opened your mouth.

   Static broke over your earpiece. Don’t drink that! Wanda’s voice erupted.

   Your eyes widened as the liquid made its way down but you coughed hard to stop whatever you could. 

   Why? Steve’s voice came through right after.

   You choked on the liquid and shut your eyes at the way it burned its way down. You reached your hand out to grab someone’s drink to ease the burning and grasped a tall glass and tossed it back. The burning didn’t ease up and you felt a hand rest on your back.

   “Are you okay?” Rumlow’s voice rang out and your skin nearly recoiled from the contact, “How about we get you some water?”

   You looked up at him when the burning subsided minimally and nodded your head, letting him lead the way to the bar. He parted the crowd and someone took step right behind you to follow when the presence suddenly died out abruptly. You turned around to check who it had been and found no one.

   Why? Steve asked again.

   Where’s Wanda? Bruce broke through.

   You lifted your head and flitted your gaze around the room until you found the familiar Sokovian on the couch, laying down with her eyes closed. You pulled away from Rumlow but his grip on your hand tightened and his steps grew in haste. You whirled your head to yell at him but the way the room swayed with the movement cause you to shut your mouth in surprise. 

   Didn’t Tony say you would have a higher tolerance?

   “Couch...” you muttered, pointing over your shoulder just in case your target was curious enough to ask but the message was delivered.

   Rumlow hoisted you up onto the bar stool and stood on your open side, using his body to keep you from falling over. Or to cage you in.

   “I don’t feel good,” You rested an elbow on the countertop and held your head up.

   “I can’t imagine you would. You’ve been chugging those drinks like they’re water.” Despite that, Rumlow motioned to the bartender and asked for two more.

   You giggled and your head lulled forward with the action. You let Rumlow catch you from tumbling over. Why did your body feel so heavy? Not to mention the way everything around you dazed about. You couldn’t catch a single action, let alone attempt to read Rumlow’s body language. But you did happen to notice the way his eyes searched the room before coming back to you.

   “You okay?” You rested your forearm against his chest and pushed slightly to allow yourself a better view of his face.

   A small smirk, “Am I okay? What about you?”

   You smacked your lips and brought the ice cold glass to your lips. That’s not water. “I’m doing reeaalllyy good,” you drawled.

   Rumlow chuckled and pushed you deeper into the chair, “I can tell.” He took a sip, his attention never faltering from your body, “Just be sure to pace yourself from here on out,”

   You made a show of cocking your head to the side and letting a smile sprawl onto your face as you studied him. 

   “What?” he questioned, a curious lift in his brow.

   You shook your head gently and kept your gaze on him over the brim of your glass, “You’re just . . . not what I was expecting,”

   “And what were you expecting?” 

   Don’t forget to bat your eyelashes. “Worse,”

   “Sorry to disappoint,” he jeered, his attention once again cast throughout the room before centering back on you.

   You followed his action but quickly came to the conclusion that moving any pace faster than a sloth was going to make you nauseous and you could barely keep a thought together. Your stomach began to rise in your chest and the fear seized your throat shut. Why couldn’t you hold onto a thought for longer than a second? It was like you were aware of your lack of consciousness but could do nothing about it because any thought or bout of panic phased through just as soon as it arrived.

   “What are you so tense for, Rumlow? You know you’re not currently on the clock, right?” You teased, your head leaning on your shoulder as you spoke.

   He brought his drink up to his lips and finished it off in three gulps, “I’m not tense. It’s just hard to turn it off sometimes,”

   You nodded slowly and pushed your drink towards him, “Relax. You know everyone here,”

   He shook his head and placed your drink back in front of you before asking for another beer.

   “And two shots!” You shouted to the bartender, throwing two of your fingers high up and instantly regretting how fast you’d done it.

   “Are you trying to get me drunk?” He asked you, a side smirk beginning to form.

   You placed your finger over your lips and hushed, “Shh, I won’t tell if you don’t.” You dragged your lower lip down and his eyes fixated to commit the scene to memory. “Besides, I always feel dumb if I’m the only one drunk,”

   He motioned to the rest of the party, “Believe me, Sugar, you’re not the only one enjoying yourself,”

   “But are you?” 

   “Am I what?” 

   “Enjoying yourself?” 

   Your skin crawled when he placed his rough hand on your barren thigh, “Absolutely,”

   Don’t forget what you’re here for. Don’t let the objective slip. Gods, how the fuck were you supposed to retain anything when you were so sleepy? And why was it so warm?

   “Hot,” you mumbled, fishing around in your glass for an ice cube to rub on your face.

   “Thank you,”

   You threw your head back in laughter and nearly earned yourself an up-close and personal view of the floor had Rumlow not wrapped an arm around your waist and held you steady. Once he was certain you weren’t going to toss yourself onto the ground, he parted your legs and stood between them to keep you rooted to your seat.

   All the movement had you spinning and you white-knuckled Rumlow’s cotton shirt to keep yourself grounded to something, anything. Red warning lights were firing up in your chest and you tensed with the way your body buckled to the panic coursing through you. Your heart pounded in your ears and danced across your skin, lighting it on fire and making the room too stuffy to bear. Please, no. Not now. Focus. Snap out of it. Come back, stay back. Your breathing hitched and you looked down at the sensation crawling its way up higher on your thigh. Too hot. Everything was too hot, if you didn’t get out of this now you would never-

   “Vision!” You cheered, happy to see your friend.

   The presence on your thigh recoiled slightly.

   “I’m taking Wanda to her room, seems she’s had a bit too much to drink,” Vision informed and you’d only just then noticed the body in his hold.

   “Wanda!” You smiled, admiring her peaceful features as she slept in his arms. You poked at her cheek then jerked your gaze back up to Vision. “What? Wanda doesn’t drink,”

   She’s not acting, Sam’s voice erupted in your ear and you flinched at the sound. 

   Vision’s eyes went from you to Rumlow then back to you slowly, “Y/N . . . are you okay?”

   You beamed at him and slowly brought up your thumb. “Good,” you responded.

   You followed Vision’s gaze back up to Rumlow and smiled at the agent beside you. You guess he’s kind of cute. In a strange, unsettling way.

   “She’s had a lot to drink, so we’re just trying to slow down the pace. Aren’t we, Y/N?” Rumlow looked down at you.

   You nodded fervently, “Yup!” 

   Vision hesitated but knew he didn’t pose much of a threat with Wanda in his arms unconscious, so he quirked a smile and walked towards the hall.

   Someone get to Y/N, something’s not right, Vision ordered and you lifted your head up to find him. You could have sworn he just left.

   “Here.” Rumlow handed you a glass, “Drink this, it’ll cool you down,” 

   You stared at the glass in his hold and looked up at him, “You drink it first,” you slurred, holding your finger up at him.

   He cocked his head to the side but took a swig of the drink and you watched it go down his throat. You shrugged and grabbed at it.

   Do not drink that, Nat ordered from somewhere and you looked around in wonder at who she was yelling to.

   Bucky, Sit down! Steve growled.

   Like hell, responded a voice you knew all too well.

   Your smile grew and you looked through the crowd, “Bucky!” You feverishly called, completely expecting to see him before you. Rumlow’s head lifted instantly, his eyes scouring the area.

   “I’ve got this, Pretty Boy,” Tony hastily spoke, “How ya doin’, Hot Stuff?” He interrogated and you reeled at the tone.

   “Quite well, thank you,” you responded tenaciously and attempted to take a swig of the drink in your grasp.

   Tony’s hand shot out and covered the top, slamming the cup back down on the counter and effectively getting the drink all over your dress.

   “What the fuck?” You tried to shout but the words came out heavy and required too much energy to speak.

   “You’ve had enough for tonight,”

   “It’s just water,” Rumlow defended but Tony paid him no mind.

   Your jaw dropped open and you glared at the older man. Who the hell did he think he was? Tony’s stare burned through your skull and despite your irritation, you couldn’t help but wonder why he was so pissed.

   “Are you mad at me?” You drawled, lulling your head to the side.

   “No,” he responded curtly. 

   “Am I being too loud or something?” You pushed. You couldn’t imagine you were any louder than any other drunken bastard at this party.

   “No,”

   Get her out of there or I swear to God I will, his voice hissed into your ear.

   Your eyebrows rose slightly in excitement, “Mmm, Bucky,” you smiled and Tony nodded.

   “’Mmm, Bucky’ is right. Wanna go see him?” Tony offered, sticking out his hand for you to take.

   You fell forward into Rumlow’s chest but shook your head furiously none the less, “For what? So he can tell me I’m horrendous at my-”

   Oh shit. Your job. The job.

   If only your body didn’t feel so heavy and your mind so light.

   You pushed off Rumlow’s chest and glared at Tony, “I can handle myself,” you insisted, a new sort of sober tone making its way through that caused him to do a once-over. “I know what I’m doing,”

   “How many drinks have you had?” Tony challenged and you fell silent.

   Then you felt a tap, and another and a few more.

   “Six,” You said, hoping you’d counted right.

   Tony, don’t you even fucking consider it, Bucky threatened.

   “You could at least change, recuperate and then come back,” Tony offered and you sighed a breath of relief before nodding.

   “Deal,” you agreed, “I’m hot anyway,”

   Tony gave you one last glance before turning around and blending into the crowd on the other end of the room.

   You looked up to Rumlow who’s gaze was still locked on the sea of people, “Don’t you wish you’d taken that shot now?” you tried to jeer, every last word bringing you deeper and deeper.

   “Are they always that intense?” He questioned, not turning his attention to you.

   “They can be over-bearing,” you admitted, hand grabbing the water from earlier and pressing it up against your forehead, “They consider me the baby so they’re always criticizing and suffocating until I just wished they’d disappear.” You took a gulp, “Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the family and I like that I have a cause but . . . they don’t let me do anything. It’s exhausting,”

   You let out a long breath and smeared the condensation from the glass onto your chest. Rumlow studied you then, not just your body but your reaction. He was watching how you dropped your shoulders at the confession and how you faced your back to them to block them out. 

   You plastered your torso on the countertop and tried to slow your heartrate down. You couldn’t be the only one here unfathomably hot.

   “Why is it so fucking hot?” You questioned, fanning yourself weakly.

   “There are a lot of people around,” Rumlow offered, “how about we go somewhere else? Tony did say you had to change,”

   You peered up at him through half-lidded eyes and meekly groaned in compliance. “Fine,”

   You lifted yourself away from the counter and gently placed your feet on the floor. You’d touched the ground faster than anticipated. Had the ground always been so close?

   “Don’t worry, I gotcha.” Rumlow threw an arm around your waist and helped you trudge towards the elevator.

   Where the hell are you going? Bucky yelled and the sound of shuffling could be heard from his end.

   We can’t let you leave with Rumlow, Y/N. We’re not even sure you’re acting anymore, Sam stated.

   Rumlow pressed the button when you couldn’t muster the strength to do it yourself. The level that your room was on lit up and the doors began closing. You thought you saw Rumlow wave at someone but the mock smile on his face didn’t make it seem like a warm good-bye.

   Your legs had all but given out by the time the elevator reached your shared floor. 

   “Heavy,” you muttered, letting Rumlow carry your weight fully.

   “I know, Sugar. We’re almost there,” he soothed and you conceded to the fatigue wearing you down.

   Your head hung low and your arm dangled uselessly at your side. The familiar sound of your door sliding open caught your attention but you did nothing. You couldn’t. 

   “How . . . know . . . my room?” You questioned, each word causing you to pull from an empty well of energy.

   “I’ve been here before.” Rumlow tossed you onto the bed and sprawled you out.

   “Oh. Ok.” You tried to turn on to your side but strong hands gripped down onto your ankles.

   Rumlow sighed and slipped the heels off your feet, examining the pair like he wanted to wear them. You extended your feet until you felt every muscle in your leg stretch to its capacity and let out a groan of pleasure at the release. Those shoes hurt so bad.

   “You seem . . . intelligent, Y/N.” Rumlow dropped your shoes onto the floor and slithered to the side of your bed, standing beside it with his hands tucked into his pockets.

   A bead of sweat trickled down your forehead, “Hot . . .” you croaked and he nodded.

   “You’re right. It is getting kind of hot.” He brought a hand up to his neck and ripped off the tie hanging around it.

   Get the fuck out of my way, a growl erupted in your ear.

   We’re going with you, Buck, Steve responded before knocking something over.

   “So, what I have a hard time understanding is. . . why you’re here?” 

   You groaned a weak ‘huh’ but even that didn’t sound right.

   “You’re good at what you do, you finish every mission successfully and yet you’re underappreciated.” He took a seat at the foot of your bed and placed one of your legs into his lap, “Why do you allow them to treat you like that? We wouldn’t,”

   The shuffling in your earpiece halted.

   “We?” 

   He began to massage your calf and brought your knee up to his lips, peppering light kisses on it. “We could use someone with your skillset, babe. We’d take real good care of you,”

   The shuffling started again.

   Rumlow had made his way onto your thigh at this point and you let out an involuntary moan when he skimmed over a delicate part on your inner knee.

   “Ya like that?” he questioned but didn’t wait for a response. He brought a hand up to his temple and grabbed the earpiece. You figured he just hadn’t taken it out from his earlier shift but when he pulled it apart, you understood why he always kept it on him.

   “Flash . . . drive earpiece?” Your weak tone tilted a little. “W-why tell . . .”

   “I figured I’d give you the option to leave since you seem so . . . suffocated. If you said yes tonight then I would remind you tomorrow. If you didn’t,” he chuckled, “well, you wouldn’t remember anyway.” His hands trailed to your mid-thigh and you squeaked. “I’m impressed though, I’ve never given anyone else as much as I’ve given you tonight. The drug usually works so quickly on others, but not you. It’s kind of hot, actually,”

   Sick fuck, Natasha growled through a ragged breath.

   The world around you was slow or maybe it was you that was slow? You couldn’t tell, honestly. But when Rumlow moved as if he could predict your actions before you could make them, you wondered whether you were moving at all.

   “Don’t worry, it’ll be over soon,” Rumlow sighed.

   You shook your head, or thought you did but despite the way your body was live-wired, it remained still against all desire. 

   Fight. Move. 

   You managed to push your legs shut but his hand slithered between and spread them open similar to opening a door, but this required much less force.

   “Kill,” You threatened and the sinister smile that crawled its way onto Rumlow’s face was vile enough to sink your heart into your stomach.

   “Kill is fucking right.” Someone snarled and your door was ripped from its hinges.

   Rumlow’s hand jerked away from your body and Bucky seized his open palm, intertwining their fingers and pushing Rumlow’s so far back that they touched the back of his own hand. The cracks were sickening onto themselves but had you not been so weak you would’ve turned from the sight altogether. You really couldn’t fathom how his fingers were still attached at all.

   “Lay another hand on her and you won’t be able to use it again.” Bucky spit.

   Despite Rumlow’s pain, the sinister smile remained sprawled on his face, “You should’ve heard the noises she made,”

   Bucky’s grip tightened and the bones in his palm broke next, “I did,”

   Natasha flew in right behind Barnes but completely dismissed the two and headed straight for you with a needle in hand. Your eyes shifted from the needle to Nat’s face and back again until she stabbed it into your upper arm. Ouch. 

   “Wha-”

   “Shh,” Natasha hastily hushed, “Keep your strength, you should be back to normal soon,”

   Steve came behind Nat and scooped you up to lead you out of the havoc going on in the room. Nat turned her focus to Bucky and reached over to grab the earpiece from Rumlow. Who knows if his nose will ever heal back normally. You held one finger in the air as Steve stepped over the splintered door.

   “Goddamit, Y/N,” Steve huffed, jogging towards the elevator and pressing the floor that led to the infirmary.

   “We won,” you croaked out, a small smile on your face and Steve shook his head.

   “I’m never going to hear the end of this,” 

   Steve looked you up and down for bruises but couldn’t find any and you promised you weren’t lying to him when you told him Rumlow did not get very far in his ‘advances’ at all. You had to swear the mid-thigh was the worst that it came to. 

   Bruce was the one that took a few blood samples and made sure everything was reversing back to normal. Apparently, as soon as Rumlow took you to the bar Tony handed Banner the shot glass that Rumlow gave you and Banner ran analysis on it. The cure was pretty easy to find.

   After being given strict orders to lie down for the next hour or so, it had been decided that Rumlow was to be turned in considering all the evidence required to make the arrest was in the flashdrive and everyone was to gather together for a ‘family night’. Whatever the hell that meant.

   You were in the middle of debating which movie to pick with Steve when the infirmary doors flew open.

   “Where is she?” Bucky nearly shouted upon seeing Bruce.

   “That’s my cue.” Steve stood up just as Bucky rounded the corner, “If you need anything me and Banner will be right over there,”

   You smiled and thanked him then turned your attention to the super-soldier who just arrived at the foot of your bed.

   He didn’t say anything for a while, just looked at you. No, not really. Not at you but through you. A few painstakingly slow seconds went by that way.

   “You owe me a new door,” you joked, a half-smile on your face.

   “Are you okay?” He asked, finally registering your presence.

   You nodded slowly, “I am,”

   Then a few more seconds.

   Bucky turned his gaze down to his hands, both of them barren and on display for the world to see, before shifting his weight between either foot, “Did he- did he touch you?”

   “Not really. Just really liked my legs for some reason,” your attempt at another quip didn’t reach Bucky. He stared back up at you waiting for an answer, an honest one. You sighed, “The damage is more mental,” you admitted, now you were the one not able to look up, “I didn’t like being in this altered state of mind. It’s invasive and . . . scary. He could’ve done things, much worse things but it never got that far or that bad. It was more realizing that I wasn’t completely conscious or present and having that state of mind be taken advantage of, that mostly frightened me. Ya know?”

   “More than anyone,” he answered immediately.

   You looked back up towards him, finally making eye contact, “But I’m fine now, really. Just a little spooked. Steve wants to do a movie night tonight and I would actually prefer that over being alone.” Your eyes fixated on the way his hands clenched and unclenched on the bar by your feet, “If I’m alone then I’ll get stuck in my head about it. Besides, I consider this a hard victory with a few bumps in the road,” 

   He chuckled, lulling his head a bit, “You’re too stubborn for your own good,”

   You shrugged, “Maybe. How’s Rumlow?”

   Bucky hissed and moved over to the side of the bed where he took a seat, “He’s unconscious. And has a hand that he’ll never be able to use again. But other than that, he’s fine,”

   You chuckled and Bucky watched how the laugh met your eyes. He liked that look on you. It was one of his favorites.

   “Why are you looking at me like that?” You questioned once it fell silent between you two again.

   “You called me Bucky earlier,” he remembered.

   You scoffed, “I call you Bucky all the time,”

   “Not to my face,”

   “Not to your face,” you agreed, a teasing smile dancing on your lips and Bucky had one that mirrored yours. 

   “It was nice. Hearing it, I mean,” he admitted and a wave of warmth made its way to your face.

   “I see your hands are exposed,”

   He looked down as though he weren’t aware that he’d taken off his own gloves, “These bad boys? A friend of mine reminded me that I’m not my past. I’m my present. Why hide my growth?”

   You twiddled your thumbs together, “She sounds smart,”

   Now he scoffed, “Oh, it wasn’t a girl, it was some old buddy of mine.” He quirked up a brow, “Unless the person being a girl would make you jealous because in that case it was most definitely a girl,”

   You fought against the natural tug at the corners of your mouth, “Is she at least pretty?”

   “Stunning,” 

   “Smart?”

   “Genius,”

   “Good at her job?”

   “Amongst the best,”

   “Then consider me jealous, Barnes,”

   Bucky chuckled and you watched how the laugh met his eyes. You liked that look on him. It was one of your favorites.

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