#also thinks 'everyone on earth' can do origami | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-proship-hellhole · 2 years

Note

Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito:

Have you ever been to Earth?

In Earth we use the word "burrito" to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I'm surprised got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, your and I agree, and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you, and anyone whose brain has been scrubbed repeatedly with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You are an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherf-ing ZONES going in that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito's end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A F-CKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming hopelessly trapped in the godd-mned cliarnto cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all f-cking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE F-CKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don't stand it to and bite down in it lengthwise like a f-cking Rancor. Humans can't usually dislocate their jaws, and I'm not a f-cking pelican. But you must think that's how it's done, since that would be THE ONLY F-CKING WAY to take a bite out of your craptastrophe and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can't guessanything, because I'm pretty sure you just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some sh-t into a tortilla, but just in case, here's what.

Humans also don't eat burritos like f-cking corn on the cob. Like a f-cking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time, then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I'LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT'S JUST GONING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN F-CKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I'M IN THE F-CKING CHEESOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT'S NO ANOTHER F-CKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a f-cking pack of Lifesavers.

And don't even think I'm going to open this sh-t up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY F-CKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT'S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU F-CKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO F-CKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SH-T BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT'S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What's that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON'T WANT TO DRINK MY BURRITO THROUGH A F-CKING BENDY STRAW, AND I DON'T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion: You're the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID "JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK:"

A f-cking fork?

I DIDN'T ORDER THE F-CKING CORNBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone handed me a burrito with a fork THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That's like buying a car and having them hand you a f-cking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERF-CKER'S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SH-T, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They're called f-cking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven't cried since I was six, but I'm f-cking sobbing now.

People way burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

Did...

Did you literally send me the whole burrito rant as a copy-pasta?

Omg anon. That's beautiful.

~ Mod Niecest

#mod niecest #burrito rant #burrito copypasta #copypasta

31 notes · View notes

wrongydkjquotes · 2 years

Text

“Dear guy who just made my burrito:

Have you ever been to Earth?

On Earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today.

Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherf*cking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A F*CKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all f*cking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE F*CKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a f*cking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a goddamn pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY F*CKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a f*cking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND ME FOR A FEW MINUTES UNTIL I CAN F*CKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE F*CKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER F*CKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a f*cking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even f*cking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY F*CKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU F*CKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO F*CKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY F*CKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

AND FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A f*cking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE F*CKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a f*cking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERF*CKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called f*cking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m f*cking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.”

- Schmitty

(Source:

#ydkj #you don't know jack #wrongydkjquotes #the burrito post #burritos #schmitty #josh schmitty schmitstinstein #tw food #long post

33 notes · View notes

xavidotron · 1 year

Note

Hi Xavid! You want to know a funny, two-ships-in-the-night, interaction between people we would have never known? You reblogged a post from me a couple of days ago, and I ran The Importance of Being Convergent yesterday! I had such a blast playing that I wanted to say hi, and Tumblr is my social media of choice so I was scrolling to make sure you hadn't abandoned your Tumblr years ago, and saw my post and I just thought that was funny.

ANYWAY, hello! I just wanted to tell you how much I love Convergent. I've run it twice now (in February 2020 at Strategicon in LA, what was supposed to be the first of many, whomp whomp) and then yesterday at my house, and I and my players loved it. It's so well written and fun to play -- all of the characters are so inventive and fun and have amazing connections to each other, and I think the gem mechanic is brilliant as a "thing" for them to be doing.

Also, not for nothing, I appreciate how gender neutral and queer-friendly the game is -- it's hard enough wrangling twelve people to get together, much less twelve people in a specific gender arrangement (and doesn't exclude non-binary folks), and my friends circle is definitely one that appreciates being able to love anyone in a game without issue.

Yesterday they ended up elevating Earth above all others, and then Ceranest chose fka Quan Northwind to replace him as Ruler. By far the best moment in the game was when Ceranest and Cleric Alder had just gotten the entire room together for the Questions and were trying to get everyone to vote on the first one, and Cilac yelled "NO! I CHALLENGE MIM KINDRIL TO A DUEL!" And everyone gasped and Mim, who had literally NO idea she was part of a love triangle, was like "Wait, what? Me? Why?" And Cilac pointed to Essap and said "Because she says you mistreat your employee Burl!" So they rolled dice (Mim won, Cilac very dramatically acted out losing), they voted on the Questions, and as they were breaking back up Mim walked up behind Essap and said "Darrad?" and Essap turned around and said "Burl?" and they ran into each other's arms. Truly couldn't have written a better scene.

I don't know if this is something you would ever tinker with again for a publication or anything -- if you'd like I have a couple of very minor things I slipped into the briefing of my second running that I think made it run a teeny bit smoother, but I don't want to give notes if you don't want them.

Anyway, thanks so much for truly an amazing day of fun. I'll definitely be checking out your other LARPs. I think I'm running Bully Pulpit Games' "The Climb" at Strategicon next month (It's not a huge con, 6 players is about all you can absolutely count on to show up, especially as a newer GM without a reputation) but all of my friends who played yesterday said they'd love to do another one, even the people who didn't have any RPG experience at all, so I think I'm definitely going to get the gang back together again.

Cheers!

Sam

Thanks so much for writing! I'm glad y'all had fun! The Importance of Being Convergent is one of my favorite games I've written; it's actually pretty wild how well it's worked over its various runs given how it was written by two folks in a blizzard in 24 hours. It's definitely fun to see how differently different runs can go, and seeing people ham up their ridiculous drama.

I don't know that I'm likely to revise it substantially at this point, but I'd still be curious for your feedback, and if I'm inspired I might add something to the version on Itch.

Anyways, thanks for letting me know, it makes me happy that Convergent is still generating good times and origami butterflies after all these years!

(For anyone who's curious The Importance of Being Convergent is available for free here: https://xavid.itch.io/convergent)

#larp #the importance of being convergent

6 notes · View notes

masochisticdevotion · 3 years

Text

❝𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐀𝐤𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢 : 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞❞

·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊ ♡ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ♡ ‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊

Konan ♡

Oh Konan, Sweet sweet Konan, my favourite naruto character aka one of the few female naruto characters Kishimoto actually put effort into writing

Shes so sweet and so fragile she’s like the paper she uses for origami in that aspect

Konan is the type of yandere who doesn’t fall for random strangers on the street, she falls for close friends and would only become yandere due to feelings of love she has for someone she loves and cares about, the yandere side would come from her childhood and past experiences manifesting itself into a deep fear of lonliness and losing someone she loves and repeating her whole childhood

I love Pervy-sage but he literally taught these kids how to fight then said “alright Imma head out and get the milk” when he was the ONLY PARENTAL FIGURE THESE TRAUMATISED WAR ORPHANS-

Almost everyone she’s known she wasn’t able to keep from dying or leaving her behind e;g her parents, Pervy Sage, Yahiko, Nagato

She’s trying her best, on one hand the Akatsuki fights for freedom and equality and in her right man she knows what she’s feeling isn’t right and its screwed up but in her other side, the traumatised side all she can’t remember her childhood, the cold rainy days with naught but caves and tress as shelter, cracked lips and hoarse throats, no lullabies from parents and instead the nose lulling her to sleep was the rain and her grumbling stomach, she saw the disgusting depths humanity can stoop to and in her mind if the world could be that cruel to nothing but a child what on earth it could do to you given the chance? She doesn’t want to take the chance

But despite all these fears Konan will never actually LOCK her darling away, she knows you would never forgive her for that, instead she’s very clingy and even if you want alone time you’ll get it but every now and then she’s checking up on you making sure you’re okay

She’s very overprotective, she’s always keeping track of new friends and even just strangers you talk to in the street she’s seeing what kind of person they are and if they are good enough to be your friend

Lord forgive if they try and pursue you romantically, while I don’t think Konan would WANT to kill someone she’d prefur to scare them away, but if she feels like there’s no other option she will do it believing its for you

But that’s just Konan, If Konan’s in love with you like this you also have to deal with Yahiko and Nagato.

Yahiko♡

Yahiko is a little harder to place, to mix his yandere side with is pacifist side is quite a task

Just like Konan I imagine Yahiko knows firsthand the pain the world can give you and he would gladly sacrifice himself if it meant you would be okay

For Yahiko to be yandere for someone I imagine they’d have to be someone who he knew since childhood and grew up or someone in the Akatsuki he’s really close with

Yahiko would see you as a diety of sorts, it doesn’t matter what you’re personality is Yahiko sees you as someone who doesn’t deserve to suffer, you don’t deserve to live in a world this bad

Yahiko would be the type to lock you up BUT he has such trouble saying no to you plus he hates when you’re angry at him

He’s so overprotective but unlike Konan he’s not low-key about it

like, AT ALL

You’ll be talking to some rando in the Akatsuki about some random shit like onigiri and he’s hovering over your shoulder ominously glaring at them which makes them leave pretty quick

When one of the three leaders of the Akatsuki looks like he wants you to get the fuck away you get the fuck away

He’s like a dog he just wants to follow you everywhere it doesn’t matter what you’re doing even if its something small like going to the grocery store he wants to be with you while you do it

Yahiko isn’t the type to kill his love rivals but insteal emotionally manipulate you into not talking to them again or vice-versa

Nagato♡

Ahh my favourite boy

Out of the three I think Nagato is definitely the most unhinged

Despite him looking up to and wanting to be like Yahiko and his ideals unfortunately Nagato is not like that

Nagato probably still feels different to everyone else with his rinnegan plus his childhood

Nagato would definitely have to be yandere for someone he knew since he was a kid, someone who had many many years to establish the bond of trust

Nagato is like Yahiko where he sees the darling as a deity but Nagato also see’s his darling as someone who is higher than him, someone who is kinder

He truly doesn’t believe he’s worthy of his darling sometimes

This is why he nevers locks up his darling, since he believes himself lower than them he could never take something like that away from them

But just like Konan Nagato remembers his childhood, how cruel life is and he would rather die than see you suffer

This leads to him stalking you quite a bit

Nagato’s very lucid when it comes to how wrong it is to follow you without you knowing and how creepy it is but he always manages to justify it by believing its for your own safety

Nagato is very touch starved, if you like affection he’s going to be sneaking touches when he can

Not all of them are big like a hug though, most of them small things like holding your pinky or putting his hand on your shoulder

If you don’t like affection thats cool too Nagato doesn’t believe he’s worthy of you half the time let alone your touch he can sit on the opposite side to you on the couch and be on cloud nine

honestly I get masochist vibes

Nagato has no problems killing someone for his darling, though he prefers to avoid it most of the time its simply out of necessity and with his overprotectiveness most of the time he’s got no problem with it

Nagato is cracked and broken, he has been since he was a kid and since then has been aware of whats been spilling out but could do nothing to stop it,

you though

you made him feel alive, you made him feel full,

He never wants to give that feeling up

211 notes · View notes

vampkaashis-wife · 3 years

Note

akaashi childhood married

Hi bb I didn’t know whether this was for my 3 words + character deal or just in general so I went with general childhood friends to married ❤️ it starts angsty but it gets better I promise

When you were seven, you realized something about the world. Up to this point, it was acceptable for you to answer, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” with “Kei-chan’s wife.”

But Kei-chan’s wife stopped being a viable career at age seven, with everyone telling you to opt for doctor or restaurant owner or journalist or nurse or - oh, and by the way, stop calling him Kei-chan too. Try Keiji-kun instead.

(“Keiji-kun” made him look at you funny, so you resorted to “Akaashi-kun,” which had him look at you more funny. By the time you switched exclusively to “Akaashi-san,” he stopped showing any kind of reaction.)

When you were seventeen, you realized something about the world. The earth is large, but also very, very small. You were certain that Akaashi-san had forgotten most of your childhood memories of libraries and grocery runs and helping both your moms with dinner. You were sure some other girl got the privilege of calling him Kei-chan now.

You were sure that of all the fish in the sea, you only wanted that one, and it should be a criminal offense that your brain still can’t come up with any other career paths besides “Akaashi Keiji’s wife.”

Sure, you have your personal interests and goals, but none of them felt as right as that first one a decade ago.

And suddenly your footing is stripped from under you because apparently no one in the entirety of Fukurodani Academy cares enough about *insert club of choice* to keep your beloved club afloat. The sight of the club room stripped bare was a direct blow to your sanity and will to live (which is over-dramatic, yes, but it’s been the worst week of your life even without that, and goddamn, who keeps ringing your doorbell?)

You pull yourself together enough to open the door with a sniffle, crossing your arms tightly to hold it together. “Hi, how can I- Akaashi-san?”

The boy in question seems to be having it as tough as you, if not worse. “Hi,” the smiles crookedly. “You wouldn’t happen to have an ankle brace?” He’s leaning heavily on your doorframe, and when you usher him in with a bunch of exclamations, he hops in while leaning on your shoulder, and every intelligent thought flies straight out of your brain.

After handing him a bag of ice and telling him that you don’t, in fact, have an ankle brace, you start making calls to his mom and your mom to see what to do when your injured estranged fiancé-but-not-really shows up on a Tuesday night.

By the time the calls are over, Akaashi has made a little origami something. You noticed him fidgeting, but he always does that anyway, so it’s not a big deal. Until he hands you a paper ring inscribed by his messy hand with Kei-chan’s wife and refuses to answer any questions about it.

When you are twenty seven, you realize something about the world. It’s amazing already, but Keiji makes it infinitely better.

He doesn’t remember anything about your old dream, as it turns out, but his mom had mentioned it while he was harboring a huge crush on you. That paper ring that one time was an instinctive thing that he wouldn’t have done if he’d thought about it - but he wasn’t thinking at all, clearly.

“What are you thinking about, love?” Your husband asks sleepily, nuzzling into your shoulder. Lazy kisses bloom across your skin, and you reach back to touch his hair.

“About how lucky I am.”

“Hm.”

“About finding my new dream because I haven’t yet. It’s been years since you made the original one come true.”

“You mean the marriage thing?”

The marriage thing. Keiji could stand to be a little more amazed, but he’s sleepy, so he can have a pass.

“Yeah, that… Keiji?”

“Mmm.” He says as his hands slip over the bare skin of your stomach. His hands are always cool to the touch somehow, eliciting a shiver from you.

“You’re the only star in my sky.” It’s an old thing of yours, the first confession you made while Keiji was explaining something about constellations. You’ve been repeating it ever since.

Each time, the hesitation dissaptes a bit more when he responds, “And you, mine.”

#haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #akaashi x reader #akaashi fluff #akaashi keiji x reader #akaashi scenario #akaashi keiji fanfiction

175 notes · View notes

kai-writes-fan-fiction · 3 years

Note

no wait because the steven universe one was so good. I dont know if you’ve seen star vs the forces of evil but can you do an avengers hc where the reader is like her or eclipsa

I LOVE STAR VS THE FORCES OF EVIL OMG! Thanks for reading! I’d love to do a hc version for Star :)

Your parents had you join The Avengers for a year on Earth

If we’re being completely honest, they had no idea what to do with a teenager from a different dimension with a wand

They were welcoming, and amazed by your talents

Steve helped train you in hand to hand combat, but you were already pretty amazing

You and Dr. Strange had a pretty strong bond because of your shared magical talents

You and Peter also had a special bond after he found out about your “mewberty” form, where you turned into a butterfly-like human

He thought it was cool you both had a relationship with insects

EVERYONE wanted to try your wand, but no one could get it to work

Everyone thought the fact that your cheek spots would change shape depending on your mood was ADORABLE

The day Pony Head came to visit was AMAZING

Everyone loved her, even though they were very confused and scared when she showed up first

She comes around a lot to take everyone to the inter-dimensional arcade on days off

They were also very happy to meet Glossaryck, who lived in your spell-book, which Dr. Strange would “borrow” (steal) from time to time

You were BY FAR the most optimistic person on the team, and soon everyone began reciprocating your optimism

Sometimes you were a bit too optimistic, and you got a little reckless

Once you tried to befriend Red Skull

“Excuse me! Mr. Red Skull? I was thinking we could wrap this whole thing up and you and I could get lunch sometime?” -you

“(Y/N), NO HE’S BAD, NOT A FRIEND!” -Steve

“But everyone can be friends. It’s the best way to avoid conflict!” -you, matter of factly

“No, I’m not your friend, and we will not be getting lunch!” -Red skull

“Then I guess you’ll have to die!” -you

“Oh shit!” -Sam

You ended up capturing, and not killing red skull

You always made little crafts and cards for the team

They thought they were so cute, and it became a competition to see who got the most crafts

“Last week I got 2 spider chains and 1 paper wand.” -Peter

“I got 4 origami flowers!” -Nat

“I win then. 2 iron man paintings and 4 origami boats.” -Tony

“You win? Yeah right. 3 paper shurikens, 1 painting of me, and 4 people chains!” -Strange

After your year was up, you begged and begged your mom to let you stay, but she demanded you rule mewni

Finally you two came to an agreement, you could visit The Avengers whenever you wanted, but Mewni came first

Although they were sad to see you go, The Avengers were thankful to have known a half insect magical inter dimensional princess like you

You visited The Avengers very often and you became one of the greatest rulers of Mewni

305 notes · View notes

thefanficmonster · 3 years

Text

Begone

Streamer Gang & Asexual Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Acephobia, Swearing

Genre: Platonic Fluff, Comfort, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having recently come out as asexual, Y/N faces some less than pleasant or appropriate responses in their chat during their stream with the gang. Luckily, they’re not alone in battling the haters this time.

Requested by the lovely Anon who told acephobes to begone, yeah you know who you are hehe. Thank you so much for the request darling! Let’s show these acehobes who they’re messing with! Love, Vy ❤

Boy is this nerve-wrecking or what? Sure, I maybe woke up with a ton of confidence, I listened to motivational and uplifting talks and listened to mood boosting music. I had a healthy breakfast and a cup of coffee. Damn it, I went on a run, all in an attempt to convince myself that dealing with the online world again is but a piece of cake for a badass like me. Well, low and behold, that feeling didn’t last very long. Here I am, chewing my nails off at the though of hopping in the Discord call and Among Us lobby with my friends and starting my stream. It’s not like I’m not expecting my friends and fans to support me - of course I am! I know they’re gonna give me a ton of love and appreciation and support and uplift me no matter what. But then again, there’s still those people who believe me and other people like me to be invalid and broken and whatnot.

Those are the ones I wanna avoid.

It’s not like their words mean much to me but I simply don’t wanna see em, you know? It’s not only about me - it’s least about me actually - it’s more about all those wonderful people they are insulting when they say shit like that about asexuals and all the people on the ace spectrum. I can’t help but flare up and get angry on the behalf of all my ace friends and even people I’ve never met.

It’s also my first time being directly thrown into the fire instead of getting caught in the crossfire seeing as how I came out to my fandom via a tweet and an Instagram post a week ago, telling my identity’s truth: finally bringing my asexuality to the surface to shine its brightest so I can be be my best and reach for my full potential.

But damn am I afraid to see how everyone took it.

My friends were quick to jump in and take me offline before I start refreshing my own posts to see the comments under them. Lord knows that without them I would’ve driven myself insane, I’ll forever be grateful for what they did and the lengths they went to to keep me offline and whatnot. One word to give you an idea of how invested they were in this: origami. All of us might as well have been born with two left hands and yet we still tried doing origami. Freaking origami.

Damn do I love my friends.

But now I don’t have sheets of paper and my friends to distract me. I have a fanbase to entertain and another friend group I haven’t talked to in a while. I don’t wanna get any predictions in already so I don’t jinx myself, so I’m just gonna say it’s gonna be...interesting regardless of what happens.

Then again, when is it not interesting when the streamer gang’s involved.

Deep breaths, Y/N. You got this

Listening to that encouraging little voice inside my head, I finally equip my headphones and in one fluid motion turn my camera on, officially starting my stream and unmuting my mic as I hop in the call with everyone.

“Hi guys! Guess who’s returned!“ I exclaim cheerfully, desperate to hide the nervousness of my voice.

“You really missed your opportunity to say ‘guess who’s back...back again’ didn’t you?“ Charlie is the one who greets me first, sounding rather disappointed in me in his usual jokester manner. It’s nice to hear, it makes me feel like nothing’s changed in the week I’ve been gone. Like I’m still the same person to these people. I really am the same, I just now am a lot better version of myself. Almost as though I’ve reached my final form. It feels empowering really. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Charlie laughs again, “Congrats, by the way. You keep proving you can get cooler and cooler.“

“Careful there Charlie, I can only handle so large of an ego.“ I joke back, rolling my eyes playfully as a wide grin spreads across my face, “No, but seriously, thank you so much, man. It means the world to me that you support me.“

“Um, how could we NOT?“ That’s very clearly Rae, “Hun, you are so brave and amazing and wonderful, how could we ever NOT support you?“

“Yeah, we’ll always support you no matter what, Y/N. We’ll always be your friends, through thick, thin and beyond.“ Poki too interferes, her words only making my smile wider.

“Alright, alright, y’all are gonna make me cry and I haven’t even read my chat yet, hold on.“ I say, fanning my face to dry the tears I hope the webcam isn’t spotting, “Darn, you guys are the best. Sorry, give me a sec to gather my composure, I’ll be right back.“

I quickly mute my in-game mic as I turn to my chat where I see the same amount of love and support in the form of comments and emojis flooding in from my viewers. A warm feeling spreads throughout my chest, making me feel the most comfortable with myself I’ve ever felt. The most loved I’ve ever felt. The most seen and understood. To finally be you feels like you are finally really living in this world, not like you’ve been already living in it for God knows how long. It makes me so freaking happy and fulfilled to finally be living as me, as the real me.

Unfortunately, in life, nothing can be 100% pure and good. There’s always at least 1% there threatening to ruin all your happiness you worked so hard to build or obtain. It may be one in a hundred, but fuck it’s powerful and effective.

And in my case it comes in the form of two comments that stick out to my eyes. Acephobic comments saying my identity’s fake, claiming I’m faking it, saying us acephobes are immature creatures who refuse to grow up, or attention whores. Or just saying we’re delusional and in denial, confused about who we are.

I hadn’t even realized I was clenching my jaw and fists but when I do, I slowly relax my muscles and crack my knuckles before addressing the two people who spat out that nonsense.

“Ok, listen here, shooterpro69 and yourmom_lol. For starters, I want to apologize for your ignorance and lack of education on the matter of asexuality. In fact, for you especially, I plan on making an educational video, explaining asexuality to people who need or want to learn more. You, my friends, are in desperate need to be fed some knowledge cause damn, God knows how many people secretly think you’re hella stupid. Not that they’re wrong to think so but anyway. Unless you have anything nice or positive to say, begone from my chat. Actually, when I think about it, begone from every chat. No one needs you polluting their communities with acephobia and hate.“ I say, all spoken in a calm tone despite the boiling anger within me. People who know me well would probably be able to tell I’m fuming underneath the calm façade, but at least I got my message across loud and clear.

“WOO HOO, You tell em Y/N!“ Toast cheers, clapping his hands and whistling as more cheering arises from each my friends, leaving me in a state of mild shock and confusion.

Wait, what?!

“Um, wait, you guys heard that?“ I ask, my eyes darting to thein-game mic symbol that shows an not crossed-off mic, meaning it was enabled during the entirety of my speech.

“Hell yeah we did! You slayed them, Y/N! Damn goddamn!“ Rae whistles too, her enthusiasm wafting over me like a breath of fresh air.

“I second that!“ Corpse joins in, “And remember what we said - we’ll support you through anything. Need to bury an acephobe’s body, we’re the people you should call.” He says, confident as heck.

And I just can’t hold it in anymore - I burst out laughing, doubling over from the intensity.

If I thought I was happy and fulfilled before, this has to be the closest to paradise I’m gonna get on Earth. All thanks to these wonderful people. Friends are really something else aren’t they: they come into your life - often unexpectedly - and change it completely. Suddenly you’re not alone, you’re not forced to deal with everything and face everything on your own. Someone’s got your back and you’ve got theirs.

Through thick, thin and beyond.

And it’s so fucking amazing.

@maat-the-prescriptive @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @itsminniekat @hacker-ghost @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus @loraleiix @letsloveimagines @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help @enigmaticmaze @divine-artemis @waterlilypat @idontknowwhatthisisfam @evi-ka @classyandfabulous00 @redperson58 @lilysdaydreams @solowheein @mythicalamphitrite @axen-gers @luckygirl144 @nj01 @buddyemily @the-albino-lioness @stardream14 @gdhdkfnn @nomadicgypsyy @preciousskye @fluffysuicideunicornsworld @o-kaelin @manacharlotte @awkward-youtube-trash @lolalee24 @bonky-beerns @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian @strawbrinkofdeath @teenloves @tams0527 @browneyespinkhair @starstruckllamapuppy @daisychains012 @y0ulooked @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life @jula-pauline @melodykitty @just-that-bi-girl @crazybutconfidentaf @lowellshade @alphakees @bellero @weallneednamjesus @starryhanji @boiled-onionrings @husherstan @fockingwhore @melaningoddessthings @prettypastelpetals @haleypearce @godwhyamiawkward @y-napotat @daisychainyoonmin @little-miss-rebel3 @free-wheelin-bi-sexual @redmoon261 @darkacademic2 @wiseflamingoqueen @into-the-end @namikhai-i @nastiablr @thelittleplantlover @mirktuan @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny @vintagegothlover @easygoingtheatre @itsrandombooklover @miiaivi @emmybaybee @befourgolden @jjk-is-my-shit @eternalteaaars @spacebadgerx @princesslunalight @acequinn14 @samm48 @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa @fo-love @marishimomura-blog @therealglenncoco @cinnamonbun332 @killtherandomness @sanshinexxxsan @fee-btheweeb @press-lay @cathleenpotgieter16 @jazzydoesstuff @moonlxghtbay @forestrain2000 @hyunjinhugs @blood-of-fandoms @lovellylies @ukiyolixx @simpforhpcharacters @chrisdylan17 @parkerjisung @pedernille @theodonyous @wineandionysus @malfoystilinskii05 @morbid-x @coryisagee @jessewa26 @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365 @raeanneinwonderland @indecisive-empanada @gluttonypalace @loriane2503 @btsiguess-kpop @khaoticbunny @lucidlycactus @smiithys @rottenroyalebooks @kpopgirlbtssvt @fangirl-tc27 @fr0z3n-1 @notmesimpingfortechno @shotarosleftpinky @kunoi-chan @idk-whats-wrong-with-me @yikeroonie @goldenstarofthunderclan @poetry-and-tea @ama-do-writing-stuff @wishbonewolf @emeraldxhope @t0xick1tty @kusuinko @speakyourselfloveyourself @sophia902103 @lo-manburg @classsykittykat @dmgama @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee @btsiguess-kpop @akaashi-baby @gun-jong-simp @geschichtenfee @yerapotato-wp @browneyedgirl365 @thysagclub @sparklycloudnight @helloatomicshadow @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal @lucy-bunny17 @aaliyahh0 @katluckybear @boyleanti @straybids @franchesca-791 @cosmicstorm19 @averyisbackinthetrashcan @aomi-nabi @xlanawriter @allensimpsforcorpse @sunnyrae-cessh @ladykxxx08 @meowiemari

100 notes · View notes

fiddlepickdouglas · 3 years

Text

Viva Las Vegas, Pt. 1 - Ribbit

Summary: Sunset Curve Alive AU, Willex, THE meetcute of meetcutes. 2.1k

Edit: thank you so much @trevor-wilson-covington for the pretty edit!! I'm in love with it!

Alex drummed his fingers on the armrest of his seat in the van. The drive from Los Angeles to Vegas was just short of four hours, but it had been an early morning and it was going to be a long day. He was feeling the carsickness sit just under the threshold of dangerous and rolled down the window.

“Whoo! Twenty miles boys!” Luke called out as they passed a sign on the freeway, clapping Bobby on the shoulder from behind.

“Woohoo!” Bobby responded in excitement.

“Think you’re gonna make it, buddy?” Reggie looked over at Alex. Alex turned only a fraction of the way toward his friend and gave a half-hearted nod.

“Hey man, let us know if we gotta pull over,” Luke said.

He simply nodded. Next time he wasn’t going to sit in the back.

The other three were jamming to whatever Luke was riffing on his guitar. Bobby thankfully drove at a slower pace as they approached the final stretch toward their destination. The ache in his stomach didn’t get better, but it also didn’t get worse so he was banking on it calming down once they stopped.

“Hey, guys, we wanna stop somewhere and get breakfast first?” Bobby called out to the rest of them.

“Oh yeah!” Reggie said. “I think I could go for some pancakes.”

“Oh, pancakes sound real good right now.” Luke echoed.

“Alex?” Bobby peeked into the rearview mirror at him.

Looking up from the view outside, he just shrugged. It didn’t matter. He wasn’t sure he could handle food no matter what it was.

Eventually they pulled off the freeway and kept their eyes peeled for an open restaurant.

“I see pancakes!” Reggie cried, pointing at his target.

“They’ve got an arcade next door, I second that vote!” Bobby said.

As they parked and clambered out of the van, the boys stretched and shook their limbs. They entered the diner and found a booth, practically collapsing together on the table. Alex placed his face in his hands and tried taking in deep breaths to calm his stomach. A sudden voice was heard beside the table.

“Good morning starshines, the earth says hello! How are we doing today?” Sounded like a waiter. Alex felt rude, but didn’t bother to look up. He felt Luke nudge a menu under his elbow.

“Oh, we’re hungry!” Reggie responded.

“Awesome, guys,” the waiter said. “Anything I can get started for you?”

“We’ll go with water,” Luke spoke for everyone at the table. “And, sorry about him, he’s not feeling good.” Alex assumed this was about him and sighed.

“Okay, so water for everybody? Alright, I’ll just grab those for you while you prepare your orders.”

As the waiter left, Luke tapped Alex’s shoulder.

“How you doin’, Alex?”

“Not blowing chunks, I guess,” he groaned.

“Hey, guys,” Bobby started saying. “How about we pick what we wanna eat, and then I want to check out the arcade while we wait for our food.”

“That’s a good idea,” Reggie said, perking up. “I hope they have Galaga.”

“I’m down,” Luke said. “Alex, you wanna wait here for us? You can give the guy our orders and then just chill.”

“Maybe that stomach will settle down,” Reggie added.

Alex lowered his hands and rested them on the table.

“Yeah,” he replied. “I need the space anyway. Thanks.”

“Cool,” Luke hopped up from his seat. “Uh, I’ll just do the buttermilk pancakes.”

“Make that two buttermilk pancakes!” Reggie said, holding up his fingers.

“Eggs and sausage,” Bobby told him. “And buttermilk pancakes.” He patted Alex on the back as the three of them ventured next door.

At least they were easy to remember. Alex looked around the restaurant as he kept breathing in and out slowly. He was the only person there. That was surprising for a diner just outside of Vegas around ten in the morning. He didn’t mind the quiet, though. Having all this space to himself was already helping him feel better.

A guy with long dark hair approached him with a tray carrying glasses of water. Alex gulped as he watched, his breath catching in his throat. He took in the tie-dye shirt, the ripped jeans, and puka shell necklace and guessed he was probably from California as well.

“Whoa, where’d they all go?” the waiter asked, smiling a little in confusion.

Alex blinked.

“They, uh, they went to the arcade,” he managed to get out. He couldn’t help it, this guy had a nice smile.

“Ah,” the guy raised his eyebrows and began placing the water on the table. “And they left you behind? That sucks.”

“I’m okay,” Alex said. “We’ve just been on the road for a bit and I got kinda carsick, so I needed some space anyway.”

“I’m sorry, man,” the waiter said. “Did they decide what to eat before they bailed?”

“Uh, yeah,” Alex shifted to face him better. “They all want buttermilk pancakes and then one guy also wants eggs and sausage.”

“Three buttermilks…” the guy muttered as he wrote them down. “Eggs and sausage. And do you know what you want?”

He looked directly into Alex’s eyes as he rested the tray under his arm and it took everything Alex had not to melt right there. Don’t look at his lips, he thought. He was pretty sure his eyes had betrayed him but he forced his gaze downward as a cover.

“I’m sorry,” he said, flustered. “I actually forgot to look at the menu.”

“Right, ‘cuz you were carsick, sorry” the waiter chuckled, running a hand through his hair. Alex bit his tongue.

“I should probably get some food still,” he managed to say. “We’ve got a long day ahead of us.”

“Right on. I could recommend some toast - that’s always easy on the stomach. That comes with eggs, and I could add in some banana for you.”

“That actually sounds great,” Alex told him. “I’ll just do that, then.”

The waiter smiled and bit his lip.

“‘Kay!” He lifted the tray from under his arm and headed back toward the kitchen, doing a little skip before disappearing inside.

Alex felt his hands shaking and he sat on them for a minute. Looking around the empty diner, a thought occurred that somehow with just him and the waiter it had seemed full. The strange feeling crept all over him, like a new exhilarating energy, and he moved his hands back up. The waiter popped back out of the kitchen and came back toward Alex in a cavalier fashion.

“Mind if I join you?” he asked. “I don’t exactly have other people to help and I feel bad leaving you all by yourself in here.”

“Make yourself at home,” Alex said, gesturing to the seat across from him. Make yourself at home? What is that? he berated himself.

The guy extended a hand for him to shake. “I’m Willie, by the way.”

“Alex.” As he took it, Alex returned the firm grip he received and they both chuckled a bit at noticing each other’s strength. Willie sat down and immediately grabbed a napkin from the dispenser.

“So you said you and your friends have a long day ahead of you?” he asked.

“Oh right,” Alex couldn’t believe he had forgotten about the guys for a minute. “We’re a band, so we’ve got a gig opening for Julie Molina tonight.”

“Wicked,” Willie smiled and nodded, folding the napkin into something Alex wasn’t sure what it was supposed to be. “Who’s Julie Molina?”

“Oh, she’s just a good solo artist - does a little bit of everything. My buddy Luke is really into her.”

Willie nodded some more, continuing to fold the napkin.

“And who are you guys?”

“We’re Sunset Curve,” Alex said. “I’m the drummer.”

“Right on! You guys just becoming a thing?” Willie raised his eyebrows.

“I mean, I guess so,” Alex hadn’t exactly thought about it. “Opening for Julie is a big step for us.”

He watched Willie’s hands work until he finished. It turned out to be an origami frog.

“Ribbit,” Willie said, pressing on the top to make it look like it was moving. The napkin material didn’t exactly lend to bouncing up and down, which made them both giggle. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be distracting.”

“I don’t mind,” Alex said. “It’s entertaining.”

He realized how widely he was smiling and laughed to himself.

“What about you?” he asked.

Willie straightened his posture and ran a hand through his hair again. He flailed his arms and blew out his cheeks before holding one arm with the other and leaning on the table.

“Making it on my own for now. I just do whatever feels good, you know? Make a few bucks, get out and enjoy what I find. Don’t need a whole lot to be happy.”

Wow, Alex wanted that kind of chill. He picked up the origami frog.

“What do you do when you’re not here? Besides these, of course.”

Willie shrugged.

“Skate. Be free.” He smiled, but sighed heavily. Alex saw a distant look in his eyes, but knew now wasn’t a time to address it. “I see Vegas in all its glory. You should see the lights at night.”

“Won’t I see them tonight?”

Willie shook his head.

“Not the right way,” he told him. “Not at the right angle. I would show you, but you’ve got your gig and everything.”

Alex opened his mouth to reply, but a head stuck out of the kitchen door. A man with dark hair and chiseled features looked at Willie and all he did was glare authoritatively.

“I’m - coming,” Willie stammered, rising from his seat.

Alex realized his mouth was still open and he shut it, unhappily swallowing what he’d wanted to say.

“That was my boss,” Willie said, already in a hurry. “I’m sorry, I’ll be back when your food’s ready.” He rushed off and the diner felt empty and cold again.

As if on cue, Luke, Bobby and Reggie burst back through the door. Luke and Reggie were celebrating while Bobby seemed a little less enthusiastic.

“Dun-geon slay-er!” Reggie proclaimed in a mock deep voice. “Too bad we can’t stay longer and go for that tournament today; I would have whooped everyone.”

They all sat and immediately gulped down their waters. Bobby remained quiet.

“How was the arcade?” Alex asked.

“It was sweet,” Luke reported. “Bobby’s mad because Reggie mopped the floor with him.”

“The joystick wasn’t working right, it wasn’t a fair outcome,” Bobby defended.

“Oooohhh,” Reggie made a silly face and wiggled his fingers. “Bobby only loses when the game doesn’t work, ooohhh!”

Alex shook his head and laughed mildly. He only noticed then that his stomach had stopped bothering him completely. He hadn’t even felt it when he’d been talking with Willie. He finished his own water, and was happy not to feel anything as it went down. The origami frog was still on the table.

“Hey, Alex,” Reggie said, picking it up. “Did you make this?”

“Oh, no, Willie did,” he told him.

“Who’s Willie?” Luke asked.

Speak of the devil - the kitchen door opened and Willie came out carrying their plates.

“Alright, we got pancakes, pancakes, more pancakes,” he said, placing them where they belonged. He glanced at Alex quickly, but it was too quick to read. “Who had the eggs and sausage?”

“That was me,” Bobby said, raising his hand.

“Okay,” Willie passed it over to him. “And toast and eggs with a banana.” He smiled as he set it down before Alex. “And it looks like you all need more water, I’ll be right back!” He was gone too quickly again.

The change in his mood unsettled Alex, but maybe it was because Willie was working. As he saw Willie returning with the water pitcher he had an idea.

“Hey Luke,” he said. Luke turned to him expectantly as Willie silently poured water in their glasses.

“Where are we playing again?”

Luke looked confused. Willie was listening intently.

“The Pearl, why? How could you forget?”

“And what time do we play?”

“Eight o’ clock. You sure you’re feeling better?”

“Yeah. I was… I was just testing you, cuz sometimes you don’t remember.”

Luke looked around the table defensively.

Reggie shrugged. “He’s right. But you remembered this time!”

Alex felt bad about starting Luke in an argument as he listened to them continue, but he knew it would blow over quickly. He caught Willie looking back at him and nodding as he walked away. As he returned to his food, Bobby smirked at him and shook his head. Heat rose in his cheeks and he focused on his toast.

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #fanfic #jatp fanfic #willex #alive au #alex mercer #willie #luke patterson #reggie peters #bobby wilson #julie molina #viva las vegas #ribbit #fiddlepickdouglas #meetcute

132 notes · View notes

thethermocline · 3 years

Text

in much the same way as I did for other lotr races in this post, or this one, or this one, I now have some thoughts about dwarves.

... And also more thoughts on elves.

I cannot help it! They are so interesting. But mostly this is about dwarves, I promise.

A brief acknowledgement and recommendation - a lot of this is inspired by Jacob Geller's "Fear of Depths" video (here).

So I need to veer into headcanon territory right here at the very beginning. Where and what did the lotr races come from?

Yes, yes. Canonically they were designed by the Valar. But from what. What was the base material?

God/esses could hypothetically make something from nothing, but Tolkien was Catholic. Therefore I propose that humans in lotr were made from earth, like they were in Christian mythology. It follows that other races were made from different materials, yes? So... What were they made from?

I propose that hobbits were made from flowers. Why? I don't know. Feels right. This is my weakest idea, so I'm putting it first.

Now, elves. Elves canonically woke lying in a field, staring up at the stars, didn't they? (I've not read the Silmarillion, this is what I've heard other people say.) What if the elves were literally made from starlight, or perhaps from the stars themselves?

This would tie very well into their departure from middle earth at the end of the third age. On a very basic level, they do not belong in middle earth. Their time there was always limited. For humans in ME, it is "From dust you came, and to dust you shall return," but elves are star people. They were always meant to return to their fundament as well. So they sail out on a straight line (elves perceive and interact with Tolkien's world as if it were flat whereas everyone else experiences it as round), and in so doing they are leaving earth, and settling into a land above the earth.

Yes. Valinor is essentially a star. That is what I am saying, correct.

It's not a perfect comparison, but you know what, on a symbolic level I think this lines up. I'm quite satisfied with it. Also, elves being made of starstuff would explain why they glow. (Is that fanon or canon? I feel like it's referenced in the text but I'm not actually sure.)

Now. Dwarves. Dwarves came from rock. They are meant to be underground, to explore and mine and live below the surface. But, like.

Have you ever been in a cave?

It is terrifying. Underground ventilation can sound like the whole cave is alive, and breathing. Natural tunnels are just the right size for you to just barely fit - right up until you can't, and you become trapped. Caves are sometimes wet; you'll hear the dripping of water in the darkness, and feel the wetness under your hands, further creating the feeling that you have been eaten alive. It's disorienting underground, very easy to get lost, with much twisting and doubling back. And it's dark. You don't have to go very far down before sunlight cannot reach you and torches illuminate very little of your surroundings. Acoustics make things even worse; the rock will enhance certain sounds and swallow others, which I'm told is incredibly disorienting and off-putting.

What kind of creatures live in caves?

If you were Mahal, working off of a basically humanoid template, how would you alter that to better fit survival underground?

I propose that dwarves are expertly made to orient themselves underground; they can build routes in their head that twist over themselves, that go above and below as well as around and across. A dwarven map cannot fit in a single image on a two dimensional piece of paper.

Perhaps they invent origami, or something similar? I do not know. But their navigational abilities would be far different from ours, and while we are easily lost underground, I think dwarves would be easily confused above ground. I also feel that dwarven eyes are far more sensitive to light, and perhaps they invent sunglasses, or tie dark fabrics around their eyes when they come up to the surface (which, lol, would make that Lothlorien scene quite different. But, when I write these things, I'm not saying that this is what is canon or what Tolkien intended. I'm just taking these ideas and running with them for my own amusement. And, I hope, yours.)

I've seen the term "stone-sense" in fics before. I think that's exactly right. Listening to and being in a sort of constant communication with the stone around them would be an essential part of survival for a dwarf.

It would be awfully traumatic for a dwarf to be, say, carried in the air by eagles, I think. Better than burning alive, perhaps, and yet somehow I feel the experience would haunt them to their graves. Similarly, I think that's why the Paths of the Dead were so awful for Gimli. The stone was dead. He could hear nothing. It was a fundamental perversion of the way the world has always worked for him up until that moment.

It is said that the dwarves receded, and grew less after the third age. But perhaps they simply found life on the surface physically painful. Maybe they didn't retreat into their caves for distrust of other races, but because of a growing inability to withstand the elements.

Anyway. Those are my dwarf thoughts today. I hope you found them interesting. ☺️

#long post #hobbit culture #(brief mention)#human culture #tolkien #elven culture #dwarf culture #lotr #lord of the rings #the hobbit #elves #thorin's company #gimli #valinor

57 notes · View notes

goliath-de-senfina-sango · 3 years

Text

Stars

Dannymay, 12,021 Human Era

Danny floated lazily on his back, a bag full of white and grey rocks orbiting him while he admired the lunar surface. It was going to be hard for anything short of crafting the rocks into something to top Wulf’s teachings letting him portal up to the moon whenever he wanted, barely tethered by its weak gravity and able to traverse it without disturbing the dust unless he picked up a rock. From his vantage point, the stars above and about were uncountable, and if he didn’t know better he’d say there was no end to them. His appearance had changed, even, from the silk-lined, spike studded, leather jacket that Sam and Tuck all but shoved onto him when it became clear that he’d be fighting ghosts regularly to a suit resembling the uniforms of NASA astronauts, black, white, green, and covered in silver stars.

Grinning to himself, Danny took off toward the Oceanus Procellarum, a camera he and Tuck had built recording the longest video he’d ever taken when a chill that dwarfed the cold of space ran down his spine and rose from his lungs and throat to his lips, blue vapor drifting in front of his face. There was a ghost, on the moon, and the idea of a hostile ghost following him up to space was so beyond aggravating that Danny’s hair ignited, his fangs sharp, the knuckles of his gloves sharpening into hardpoints, and his aura flaring up like a beacon of green and blue. Opening a portal to deposit his bag of moon rocks in his closet, Danny launched himself where he felt the other ghost’s presence, the logic that a ghost whose aura he couldn’t see but still feel on the moon’s surface, in one of her craters even, abandoned at the moment. That thought process is, of course, slammed into him the moment Danny sees exactly what it is that he’s sensed.

Their body was a slowly slithering mass of the purest darkness that could not be called something so bright as black, with violets and blues and colors that could not be seen, only experienced, dancing within them like ink within water, blue and red and green stars twinkling between the stretches of void, moving fast enough for Danny to know there even was movement of them, but slow enough to be mesmerized by the sight of it. Their face was a theatrical mask, bone white with red behind the eyes and a curve of a smile to mark the mouth, and from the void behind the mask curled horns of dark and beautiful amethyst and sapphire and onyx, somehow occupying the same space and curving in every which way. It was, frankly, impossible to make out all the details or to measure quite how massive the form of Nocturne was as he relaxed upon the surface of the moon’s ocean of storms. In all his conflicts, no ghost had ever made him feel quite so small simply by laying back, impossibly huge.

“My, my, ” he said, voice coming from the back of Danny’s head rather than the lack of air around him, even if their lips still moved to shape the words. “ Is that Danny Phantom in the flesh, not simply dreaming so big that you’ve learned to astral project without my guidance? Have you decided to make your fantasy reality and join me here?” They lifted part of their body and when Danny focused he saw the silhouette of a hand.

Danny had many questions, but the first one that came out of his gawking mouth as he rose to meet the giant’s face was, ”How did you get so big? Been munching on the muses of artists? Oh stars, are artistic muses actual spirits? Can you eat them?” While Danny usually appreciated a good laugh, that was when he said something as a joke, not asked a very good question. Nocturne’s laughter swept over him like a tidal wave of endearment and amusement.

“Ah, that’s right, you met me through a smaller emanation, didn’t you? I assure you, child, I’ve been this size for ages. Also, I do not consume muses, though whether that is because they do not exist in such a form that I could or because that would be an unsustainable form of sustenance, I shall leave you to consider. While the dreams of artists like you are rather vivid, the occasional idealist and average joe is good for diversity in palette. After all, each mind has such capacity for imaginative dreams.”

“Emanation?”

“A thin slice of myself sent down to help you sleep at my brother’s request. ” Danny scratched his head at that and Nocturne laughed again. “ The little game of hero and villain was delightful fun, though… you didn’t think that the ghost Master of Dreams needed helmets and machinery to harvest the energy of good dreams, did you?” Danny folded his arms with a pout that Nocturne couldn’t possibly have been able to make out when he was so small comparatively, and yet they chuckled anyway, shifting into what Danny was going to call a sitting position.

“So you aren’t going to leave everyone asleep forever?”

They frowned. “Of course not, you can’t dream forever. It isn’t healthy and leads to stagnation and, eugh, nightmares. Those the Fright Knight can have, whensoever he gets himself free from his imprisonment. ” Danny sighed, relaxing all over, and did his best not to flinch when Nocturne scooped him up in a claw talon tendril wing fin hand. “ Come to listen?”

Danny looked around and spread his arms slowly. “In the silent vacuum of space? To what?”

“My dear boy, can you not hear the star song? ” Nocturne tilted his head and their eyes locked for a long, headache inducing minute. “ No one has taught you how to percieve the spaces that layer upon themselves to form the world you know, have they?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about but I do have a headcahe now, so that’s great. What, the world is like origami and everything is singing underneath the top layer?”

“An apt comparison, yes, ” Nocturne said. “ Your liminal state of being considered, perhaps it would be simpler to show you, than to make you work your way through new senses. After all, what’s a dream without a bit of fantastical ease?”

Danny flew back a few paces, though he was still in Nocturne’s palm. “Is it safe for you to do that? I don’t wanna go forgetting how to be a living human being just to hear a song.” Nocturne huffed, puffing up like a bird in mild offense.

“Child, the mind is my domain, I know perfectly well what I am doing. You are not the first liminal whose mind I have touched, nor I imagine shall you be the last. But, if you do not care to hear the song that the earth, the moon and the stars sing…”

“I never said I don’t! I just, wanted to be sure.” Danny rubbed the back of his head before floating a bit higher. “Alright, alright what do I do?”

“Relax, little one. Imagine a door, it can be any door you like, between your mind and those minds around you. ” Danny closed his eyes, taking a superfluous breath that came up empty, his body relaxing slowly with each breath. He pictured a door, a hexagonal door to a space station. “ Very good, ” Nocturne said, and Danny felt his chest puff up with something like pride before he felt and heard a knock knock on the door in his mind. “ Now all you have to do is let me in.”

There was a moment where in Danny considered simply not letting Nocturne into his mind. After all, Danny would probably figure this out himself if he tried. It was a tempting idea, probably even the smartest idea when dealing with a being who had attacked him, even if they claimed it was a game. Still, the opportunity to experience space in a way that no one else could was a far bigger temptation, and so Danny turned the knob on the door to his mind and opened it up slowly.

There is the brush of Nocturne against the door and Danny both has himself drawn out and the universe slipped in and when he opens his eyes and his ears he cannot help but to let his mouth fall open as well. He can hear the voices of the endless universe singing under his feet. The hearts of stars singing deep beneath the lunar soil. Lost to the blooming nebulas staining the dark sky with color, miles upon miles of light and rivers of fire and the promise of something new. Danny can almost hear the words and language they speak; something so close, so distant, something he has never known -- but they ring with such magnificent, terrible truth that he thinks, maybe he has always known them. Maybe they have always lived inside him, alongside the bones. These melodies, these words, that burn with such ferocious clarity that if he just spoke them aloud then the far would become near and he could reach out and pluck the stars from the sky and cradle them in his hands or be cradled in their stellar flares.

The heavy elements known to those dull terrestrial creatures he began life as could only enter the universe with the death of a star, a fact that Danny knew very well, but it was one thing to know something on an academic level, and another to see and hear the voices of the ghosts left behind by those ancient stars, their magnificent fire shining from within every atom of the earth and the moon and the planets around him, harmonizing and rising into something yet more in the song of the Earth and her seas and forests and sky. Danny listens to the moon, and he knows that if he were to sing that song he could reach out to any body of water on Earth and pull it to him and him to it, and his call would be answered. That if he simply moved his lips and sang the words of the stars, he could call upon their fire, their gravity, could reach out to them and leave the chains of gravity rooting him to the Earth. It would be so easy to explore the universe, to leave and join the chorus of the stars and see all that one with an eternity at their hands could see.

Yet there was another song, this one smaller, softer, but no less wonderful song that wove around and within him, and listening to it brought to his mind yet more little songs, faint as the step of an ant against the dirt but still beautiful in all their own ways. He couldn’t go, not yet. Not without them. And so, Danny turned back to Nocturne and beamed up at him. “Thank you.”

“Of course, child. We may stop whenever you wish.” Danny nodded and rose up to circle around Nocturne, drinking in the sight of the universe, so that he could attempt - and fail and attempt again and again - to show his friends what he now experienced with paint and brush and pen. He had to return to Earth, but for now, he had the stars.

#Danny Phantom #Dannymay 2021 #Danny Fenton #Nocturne #Stars #Rexy Writes #fanfiction #fanfic

39 notes · View notes

cosmictulips · 2 years

Note

Hey love! Once again wishing u a very happy birthday 🎉🎂.

I don't think if I'll do the game the ryt way as u told me to coz yk jst my Neptune things 😭🤣

My big 3 are Aires sun Pisces moon Sagittarius rising(tropical) Pisces sun Aquarius moon and scorpio rising (sidereal). Imma Jupiter, saturn n Pluto dominant. (I hv fire n earth dominant in my chart) I hv very very few air elements(tropical astrology).

Things I like: music, singing, drawing n painting, birds, nature, gallery visiting, museums, antiques, sky, MOON GAZING, night sky, spicy n sour snacks,burger,fries,chips,I hv absolutely no fav food lol, song writing, procrastinating, karaoke, learning, reading romantic novels, watching cartoons (not really that much but yeah I do), Chocolates, crystals, tarot decks, spirituality etc.

Fav colours: GREY, black, white, lavender.

Fav animal: I actually never really loved any specific animal, I honestly love n adore each n every animal n insects so it's really hard to pick one. Maybe deer, dog, cow, calf, lion, panther, elephant etc.

A bit abt myself: Ok so ig it'll take too much time to write so I'm gonna describe myself in brief. I'm actually a very kind hearted (not self appreciating infront of u jst for the sake of writing but my painful past made me like this ig *nervous laugh*) I'm full of forgiveness, selfness, kindness, pure intentions, pure love BUT when I get angry ig devil shivers😂💔 Aries sun n Mercury with cap mars😭🤣 but the sooner I get angry, that sooner my anger fade away as well but during my anger session I'm a uncontrolled beast n after I'm cooled down I regret every action I did when angry. I do hv my dark side n can get manipulative at times but I choose not to be. I absolutely HATE HATE HATE backbiting (I don't do it can't even hear it) absolute no bs. I hate when someone peeks into my privacy (sid sco rising) I take ages to open myself up even with my comfort zoned persons(sid aqua ven). Even if I want to I can't open myself up with u but I give great advices. Everyone comes to me when in need. I low-key crave attention but when I get it I hate it. I always wants to win every argument. I always wants to win every situation i am in. I'm always so so hard on myself n wants to be a perfectionist (tho my Virgo mc sometimes say u r but I still wants to be more perfect in every kind of work I do)

That's all! Hehe

Kingdom I choose: the kingdom of waves (healer kingdom for sure my Pisces moon loves to be here)🥺💙

Thankyou so much. Idk what I did but I did😭😹.take care love n enjoy ur day with fullness ✨

henlo my neptunian friend lolol

You did the game just fine c=

for you ---

I see you as the type who will be helping people through therapy. creating little shows with your water, like an ice horse or making it snow just to show off beautiful shows of snowflakes.

I do think you grew up in the icy caverns and towns, but I'd like to personally think you moved to the islands to bring a little love to those who need it.

think like a traveling nurse. I think what I'm trying to say here is that you're unintentionally a weather witch LOL. during festivals for the volcanic gods you would be the one to pray to the rain gods to keep the clouds at bay - I think they'd like you. your offerings tend to be in the form of origami from what I keep seeing and paintings. - they give you grand visions through dreams. rough storms and harrowing seas.

I think you'd also be tasked with helping the sailors. telling them when to leave and when to stay. you've saved a lot of lives that way and people trust your insight. while you're still a bit on the private side, people get the general sense of what you're feeling based on the weather haha.

I think your main weapon might just be a regular wand honestly. you don't carry anything big because i don't see you as the type to enjoy lightning or most fire magic lol. but you're really good at pushing the wind and getting the tides to calm down.

I think you might also have a mood necklace LOL. just because you like the little colors and it's such "old school magic" that you just want to have it on you.

2 notes · View notes

cherryblossomstars · 4 years

Text

paper crowns (t. oikawa)

a/n: take a shot everytime i say the words “paper crowns” in this fic lmao. i hope you enjoy it! i’m really proud of this one

pairing: oikawa x reader

word count: 2,138

genre: childhood friends to lovers, very light angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, its like 85% fluff 15% angst and imo its not that angsty

summary: you were in love with the boy who wore paper crowns and kept galaxies in his pockets

you were in love with a boy who wore paper crowns and kept galaxies in his pockets in case the both of you ever got bored of the same old scenery the miyagi prefecture had to offer. he’d take the stars and universes out of his pocket and paint your skies with nebulas and show you everything beautiful the world had to offer.

“i want to travel the world with you one day,” he’d shrugged one day out of nowhere- as if you weren’t both in fourth grade and had no real means of being able to make that dream come true.

“we will.” you’d promised, anyway.

the paper crowns were a craft you’d shown him how to make when you were both little. he’d become so enamored with it the both of you had gone to the store and spent your pocket money on buying blue card stock paper, just to have quality, blue paper crowns.

when iwaizumi had joined one day, the both of you had offered him a crown. he refused, saying knights were much cooler anyway. and so, the three of you spent the day learning how to make a paper sword for your dear friend instead.

you and oikawa preferred the crowns much more.

“see, i’m a king, and you’re my queen!” he’d exclaimed. you wondered if it was a silly proclamation or a promise for the future.

the paper crowns remained on your heads all throughout your childhood and middle school. by the time you got to highschool, you’d realized with tears in your eyes and a heavy heart that oikawa had traded in his paper crowns for a volleyball and a net.

the paper crown you’d both made and decorated with stickers and drawings remained on his dresser, but your friendship had long since withered away.

the garden that was your friendship needed the care of two people and oikawa, busy as he was, had left you to do all the work. eventually, what had become this one-sided friendship of yours had dried up.

he regrets many things, but he regrets that the most.

he pretends he doesn’t see the way you steal glances towards him and look like you’re about to cry.

he pretends it doesn’t hurt when you stop. he has to steel himself whenever you walk by him without so much as a glance.

you don’t make paper crowns anymore.

he’s not sure if he was better off with you hating him or you ignoring him.

oikawa tooru loves paper crowns, attention, and volleyball. he’d realized too late that he loves you, too.

in his second year, he’d ditched volleyball practice for the first and last time. he’d gone to the store, just like he did many years ago, and bought a pack of blue card stock.

two new, clean paper crowns. he’s gotten much better at them, he thought proudly. he grabbed some stickers from takeru (much to his nephew’s protest) with promises to buy him more later. he’d stuck the stickers on carefully, the perfectionist that he is. and afterwards, after deciding that the crown looked too plain, he’d drawn and cut out some designs on a different sheet of paper, meticulously glueing on every little drawing.

the first and last time he’d ever ditch volleyball practice, and it was to make you a paper crown for your birthday. he’d even made a matching one for himself.

“i’m such a simp...” he sighed to himself. the both of you hadn’t spoken in two years, and he was about to show up to your doorstep with an origami project and a sheepish smile.

he decided he needs more because you deserve better than a childish arts and crafts project with sentimental value and a shitty friend. another stop at the store, with the crowns in his hand.

the florists are all closed by this time of day, so instead he buys a few cheap, half off bouquets that the stores sell.

he hates them, if he was being honest. so he compromises, stealing certain flowers here and there from each bouquet he bought and made it into one, beautifully done (almost professional looking, if he could say so himself) bouquet— just for you. he’d put the leftover flowers into a vase and arrange them later to give to his mother.

by the time he’s finally finished preparing, it was on the cusp of twilight. his mother had flashed him a knowing smile on his way out of the door, the pieces all fitting together when she sees the familiar points of the crowns in his hand. she’d seen them often enough in his childhood to know that they were worth more to him than just simple toys.

while the night is winding down, you open your door to a pretty bouquet shoved into your face, tied with a pretty blue bow and held by a pretty boy, with a shy, apologetic smile on his face. the real kicker was the paper crown placed on his head.

you smile, glad to see the boy you once called your best friend again. you happily take the flowers, side stepping away from your front door to let the chocolate haired setter into your home.

your family greets him with a smile, they’d always loved oikawa. to them, he was the boy that would spout facts about space and conspiracy theories about the government and the aliens that they were hiding whenever he could. his faces flushes bright red when it’s brought up.

they, too, smile knowingly at the familiar blue set of crowns in his hand.

you put the beautifully arranged flowers into a vase and ask him to follow you. he does, of course. he’d follow you to the ends of the earth if you’d asked him to.

he won’t say that. not right now, at least. your relationship still needed mending. he still needed to learn how to manage his schedule. it’s the reason the both of you had distanced yourselves from each other in the first place.

volleyball first, he’d always think. he’d just assumed you’d always be able for him to come home to whenever he needed. you’d just felt used, instead.

he thinks he’s learned his lesson. enough, at least, for him to try being friends with you again. properly, this time. and then maybe, just maybe, he’ll be able to confess the feelings he’s been shoving away from his heart for years.

you both enter your room, placing the vase of flowers onto your nightstand. his heart stutters with hope when he sees a paper crown left on your nightstand, right next to the newly set vase of flowers. he ignores how his stomach plunged with guilt, as well, for neglecting your friendship for so long.

you both pretend you don’t see your family peaking through a crack in your door to see what was going on.

they pretend they didn’t see oikawa hold you in his arms and whisper apologies, asking for another chance. they slip away without a word.

oikawa’s head tucks into your shoulder, his paper crown falling to the ground when he does.

you wonder how he could be comfortable in this position, considering your height difference. he’s grown so much taller since you knew him.

when he steps back, he places the paper crown he’s been holding in his hand onto your head. you bend down to pick up his, and place it onto his head.

you realize quickly that oikawa is still the boy that keeps galaxies in his pocket and that he’d never traded in his paper crowns for volleyball. he brought them with him.

he’d make a great king, you think, when you watch him play a highschool game for the first time.

you’d been avoiding watching your high school’s volleyball games out of fear and, quite frankly, humiliation for the friendship that withered after not seeing sunlight for two years.

he’s still a setter, just like he was in middle school, and he’s still amazing. he conducts his team with ease and, despite always receiving the brunt of their jokes, it’s clear they respect and trust him just as much as he does them.

you smile and wave at the boy who once held a paper sword in his hand. iwaizumi sends you a confused glance, but waves back nonetheless. he turns to oikawa, his furrowed brows and look of confusion still evident on his face.

oikawa turns to his friend, who then points to you. when oikawa sees you at his game, he complains about you waving to iwaizumi before you greeted him, yelling his complains all the way from the gym floor.

you roll your eyes, “i have an inquiry box at home, if you want!” you yell right back.

he pouts, “well maybe i’ll submit an entry! about how mean you are to me! hmph!”

he turns away with a smile on his face. he can’t help it— you’re finally at a game.

he’ll never admit he always looks for you in the crowd when he plays the sport he loves so much. when you finally show up to one, he finally acknowledges the feeling of pride that swells in his chest.

he confesses to you at the end of your second year, when he thinks that you’re both back and settled into your friendship.

he knows that he really should have chosen a better place to confess to you, rather than the halls of aoba johsai during a lunch period. he loves attention, but for once he decides he hates the stares of the students around the both of you, the air hanging heavily as everyone waits to hear your answer. he knows better than anyone at this moment that this wasn’t the best spot he could have done this, but he couldn’t wait anymore.

“take your time,” you’d always tell him when you were younger. he was never one to listen to that advice.

then again, he was also never one to be the person confessing. it was always him getting the confessions. he feels his face burn with embarrassment and fear that you’ll reject him.

you accept his confession with stars in your eyes.

he paints your skies with the galaxies he keeps in his pockets. he lays in your arms with a dazed smile on his face, your hands carding through his hair.

“you’re ruining it.” he complains with a pout.

you hum, “i have an inquiry box, you know.”

“you don’t. i think you should get one, i have a lot of complaints to put in.”

“is that so? you can go ahead and fuck right off, then.” you try not to laugh when you roll him off of you.

he whines, “i was joking!” he crawls his way back into your arms and settles himself between your legs.

after a period of silence, he brings up your promise from long ago. “let’s travel the world together?” he mumbles, as if he was shy to ask.

oikawa tooru is shy, you think with amusement. you may as well enjoy it while you can.

“hm? where’s this coming from?”

he buries his head in your shoulder in an attempt to hide his embarrassment. you won’t mention how you can see the tips of his ears turning red.

“don’t ask questions you already know the answer to.” he pouts, “remember? you promised we would.”

“ah, that’s right. i did.”

“so, can we?”

“well, i promised, didn’t i? promises are made to be kept.” you say, as if you both aren’t broke highschool students worried about college applications.

“where would we go first?”

“hmm. i’ve always wanted to visit argentina since we watched that professional volleyball game when we were younger. you know, the one where you had that dude sign your—“

“stop! stop! and for your information, his name was jose blanco! and don’t bring that up, please, it’s embarrassing. you just love watching me suffer, don’t you?”

“not my fault you decided to—“

“so!” he interrupts again to save himself, “argentina? we can do argentina.” he smiles against the exposed skin of your shoulder, his hand playing with your fingers.

“and then after that, let’s visit france. and then i’d like to see the philippines, too. so many places to visit, too little time and money, jeez.” you continue to ramble, your hands reaching for your nightstand to grab and place the paper crown displayed on it onto your boyfriend’s head.

he listens to your rambling intently, fully ready to do everything he can to make both your dreams a reality.

oikawa thinks his heart might explode out of his chest at the thought that he was lucky enough to fall in love with the girl with paper crowns and stars in her eyes.

fin.

#oikawa x reader #oikawa tooru x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#oikawa #oikawa tooru #reader insert #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu x reader #fanfiction #oikawa/reader #oikawa tooru/reader

176 notes · View notes

dramaphan · 3 years

Note

To the guy who made my burrito

Dear guy who just made my burrito: Have you ever been to Earth? On Earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: You’re an idiot. Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY. When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito. And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what: Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope. My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND ME FOR A FEW MINUTES UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET. You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers. And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE. What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN. I just want a burrito. In conclusion: You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”: A fucking fork? I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD. If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER. That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL. Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS. A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now. People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us.

THIS IS THE BITCH

#ask

14 notes · View notes

hopeaterart · 3 years

Text

Mario Odyssey: Paper Kingdom AU

Or: The AU where I adapt Paper Mario characters into a kingdom in Mario Odyssey because while my brain is small, it has a big mind that keeps thinking up new ideas. This tackles the kingdom’s backstory, it’s travel brochure, why Mario ends up going there, and the frankly ridiculous political context he stumbles into. I might tackle the characters in another post.

Backstory

A long time ago, a creature made out of shadows and thin as paper rose out of an island. Calling itself- or herself- the Shadow Queen, the malevolent spirit could wield the power of seven stars, and her heart was pitch-black and full of chaotic hatred. She reigned over the land with an iron fist, terrified painted shadows at her command.

Until one day, a small faction of her own people turned against, led by four heroes and eight mages. They studied her magic, and turned it against her, folding themselves like paper get close to her and stealing her stars to destroy her body, the eight mages using their magic to separate her heart from her spirit

Enraged, her spirit lashed out, cursing the four heroes into suffering the same fate as her, reduced to spirits enclosed in coffins just as she unleashed the full power of her heart. But before she could turn her wrath on the other rebels, the eight mages sacrificed themselves, turning their souls into pure energy and setting it on the Shadow Queen’s heart, ripping it out and sending both the heart and the soul of the Shadow Queen into a deep sleep.

The only thing left was a prophecy- a warning. If a cruel monster and a gentle maiden marry each other in a farce, the Chaos Heart will rise again. If this happens, the Shadow Queen’s rise is imminent, and she will take over the body of the maiden. The only way to stop her is to find her Seven Stars, and use them to destroy her soul once and for all.

The throne of the Paper Kingdom is left symbolically empty, and the country is ruled by a council.

Travel Brochure

Population: Sparse, but plentiful

Size: Wide

Locals: Shapeshifters

Currency: Paper fortune teller shaped

Industries: Construction, stories

Temperature: Average 73 °F

A craft for the ages

Multi-level: The Paper Kingdom is made of multiple levels carved within the plateau, and all of them have something to offer. From the charming beach town of Rogueport to the looming Castle of Chaos, this place is vibrant and full of carefully crafted layers.

Rich History: The Paper Kingdom’s history is something for the ages: A demon rising out of the earth, her own people standing up against her, a battle ending in tragedy, and a prophecy! And they know it too! Their own history is so rich and captivating, they transformed telling people about it into a spectacle. If you’re ever in the need of someone to give a grandiose speech, a Paper Kingdom storyteller is what you need!

Origami Festival: If you visit the Paper Kingdom during their fall season, you might bear witness to the Origami Festival! While considered unorthodox and dangerous, Shapeshifters recognize origami as an incredibly powerful type of magic, allowing one to become anything their heart wish. As such, they have festivities centered around this concept that lasts a week, where they put up tons of different and incredible origami displays celebrating the concept.

How it fits in the game

For it’s location, it would be a decently sized island between the Luncheon Kingdom and Snow Kingdom, and would be the last place you go to before Bowser’s castle. From above, it would look rectangular, and most of it would be very elevated (think of a plateau, but in the middle of the ocean.) While it would seem small at first glance, the truth is that most of the earth is hollowed out, and there’s a lot of communities that live underground. You would be able to visit the two surface ones (Rogueport at the base of the plateau, and Castle of Chaos (Equivalent to Castle Bleck) on top of it) from the start, and at least one additional area under Castle of Chaos would unlock after the main story.

As for it’s place in the story, a wedding needs an officiant, and Bowser decided to get a storyteller from the Paper Kingdom because they’re known to give quite touching speeches. Bowser was originally planning to make his announcement of his marriage to Peach, take someone by force if he got denied, and leave the kingdom in disarray as punishment for denying him.

So you can imagine his surprise when not one, but two storytellers volunteered to be his officiant: Dimentio, royal jester and local agent of chaos who’s starting to find the current situation in the Paper Kingdom boring because it’s stagnating (albeit because they want to stop the hostilities temporarily for the upcoming Origami Festival), and the Beldam, eldest of the shadow Sirens and actively trying to resurrect the Shadow Queen.

Let’s be clear, here: Neither of them are really interested in Bowser’s marriage, but both are after the power of the Chaos Heart, which has the potential to arise from this union: Dimentio to create even more chaos, and Beldam to harness it’s power and bring the Queen back to life. He picked the storyteller who had actual experience with being an officiant: Dimentio, who officiated multiple noble weddings- and left a fuming Beldam behind. In her rage, she decided to make the King of Koopas not choosing her as an evil marriage officiant everyone else’s problem and promptly started freezing everything in sight.

And that’s where Mario and Cappy come in, looking for Power Moons...

What’s going on?

A few weeks before Bowser shows up, the wedding of Blumiere, the son of an important count, and his human girlfriend Timpani (I don’t know from where she could be, probably New Donk CIty), was happening. However, in part due to a sinister prophecy that foretold the rebirth of the Chaos Heart if a furious monster lord (Blumiere is not human, and he has quite the unstable temperament) and a fair and lovely maiden (Timpani is a bit shy, cares for everything around her, and is nothing but kind) got married, and in part due to being a racist fuck, Blumiere’s father tried to stop the marriage by lethally attacking the bride.

Big mistake.

Blumiere ended up flying into a rage, messily killing his father with his bare hands and the assistance of a surge of magic, and destroyed the wedding venue. He then took Timpani, who was dying, to the origami craftsman, who earned himself a reputation of defying nature’s law by creating Olly and Olivia for an Origami festival, which was. Not planned. He then more or less forced him to heal his bride.

The craftsman was absolutely able to say no: Olly brought to life multiple office supplies and all of them are ready to attack on sight, but he still went and healed up Timpani, albeit altering her physical appearance permanently due to having to heal her up using Origami Magic. Olly does not take his father being threatened into helping someone well, and barges into Castle of Chaos two weeks later and self-proclaim himself king with the assistance of the office supplies, which he dubs his Legion of Stationery, because of a perceived disrespect toward his family.

He is twelve.

Blumiere- who renamed himself Count Bleck following his father’s death- is understandably outraged, and denounces Olly with the support of his companions. Said companions are: his wife lady Timpani whom he (and most of the kingdom) adores, a small bat-like woman and his spokesperson Nastasia, the strong but dimwitted warrior and champion O’Chunks, the robotic but emotional Mimi who works in banking, and local shit-bastard jester Dimentio. This is due to Bleck being a direct descendant of one of the eight mages that sacrificed themselves, and he’s forced to make a claim to the throne to be taken seriously in trying to stop Olly.

He does not want to take the throne.

So now, there’s a twelve years old and a pissed off count who murdered his father in a blind rage fighting over the throne of the Paper Kingdom, neither of them know what they’re going to do next, and no one is happy about this situation. The instability allows a third party to make an appearance and grab for the throne: The X-Nauts, a race of robotic aliens led by the tyrannical Sir Grodus. Their goal? Resurrect the Shadow Queen and use her power to remake the Paper Kingdom, and eventually the planet, in their image.

The good news is that neither Olly nor Bleck want the X-Nauts to succeed. Bleck because he knows they’re planning on resurrecting the Shadow Queen and he does not want that to happen, and Olly because Grodus’ second in command was mean to Olivia once. This means that they are able to put their difference aside, which means there’s still hope an all-out civil war can be avoided.

Speaking of Olivia, poor girl think her brother went evil and wants to reign over the Paper Kingdom like a tyrant. This is understandable, as he’s a irritable twelve years boy with six killing machine at his command and also starting his emo edge lord phase, and she’s a literal ray of sunshine. As such, Olivia decided to find other people willing to stop Olly, Bleck and Grodus from burning the country to the ground in their squabble, not realizing that, as the leader of this group, she is also making .a claim for the throne.

She is also twelve.

And now, there’s Beldam losing her shit over being turned down and freezing everything into unmoving sheets on the walls. Ironically, this common enemy might just be what’s needed to calm everyone down.

#writing #My writing #mario bros #paper mario #paper mario origami king #paper mario the thousand year door #super paper mario #pmtok #spm #pmttyd #king olly #olivia #count bleck #blumiere #timpani #tippi #dimentio

54 notes · View notes

incorrect-hs-quotes · 4 years

Text

Karkat: DEAR PERSON WHO JUST MADE MY BURRITO.

Karkat: HAVE YOU BEEN TO EARTH?

Karkat: ON EARTH, WE USE THE WORD “BURRITO” TO DESCRIBE A TORTILLA FILLED WITH THINGS YOU EAT. PRETTY SIMPLE STUFF. AND I’M SURPRISED YOU AT LEAST GOT THAT PART RIGHT. MY BURRITO WAS, IN FACT, FILLED WITH FOOD; IN THIS YOU AND I AGREE AND ARE FRIENDS. BUT THIS IS ALSO WHERE MY LIFELONG HATRED BEGINS FOR YOU, AND ANYONE ELSE WHOSE BRAIN HAS BEEN REPEATEDLY SCRUBBED WITH THE SAME MIXTURE OF BLEACH AND POP ROCKS AS YOURS HAS, BECAUSE THAT SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOU, BUT LEFT YOU AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO DO WHAT YOU DID TO ME TODAY. LET ME EXPLAIN.

Karkat: YOU’RE AN IDIOT.

Karkat: LET ME FURTHER EXPLAIN.

Karkat: BURRITOS ARE EATEN FROM ONE END TO THE OTHER, SO THAT MEANS, WHEN YOU ASSEMBLE A BURRITO WITH MOTHERFUCKING ZONES OF INGREDIENTS GOING THAT DIRECTION, YOU CREATE A DISGUSTING EXPERIENCE FOR THE BURRITO’S END USER. WHEN YOU MAKE A BURRITO, YOU SHOULD LAY THE INGREDIENTS IN LAYERS LENGTHWISE. THAT WAY, EVERY BITE HAS AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE OF GETTING AT LEAST TWO TYPES OF INGREDIENTS, AND THERE IS LITTLE CHANCE OF BECOMING ALMOST HOPELESSLY LOST IN A GODDAMNED CILANTRO CAVERN.

Karkat: HAVE YOU EVER EATEN ONE OF THE THINGS YOU MAKE ALL FUCKING DAY? YOU SHOULD TRY ONE. THEY’RE PRETTY GOOD WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM, ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

Karkat: WHEN YOU EAT A BURRITO, YOU DON’T STAND IT UP AND BITE DOWN ON IN LENGTHWISE LIKE A FUCKING RANCOR. PEOPLE CAN’T USUALLY DISLOCATE THEIR JAWS, AND I’M NOT A FUCKING PELICAN. BUT YOU MUST THINK THAT’S HOW IT’S DONE, SINCE THAT WOULD BE THE ONLY FUCKING WAY TO TAKE A BITE OF YOUR CRAPSTOSITY AND HAVE IT TASTE LIKE A BURRITO.

Karkat: AND GUESS WHAT ELSE, FUCKASS? YOU PROBABLY CAN’T GUESS ANYTHING, BECAUSE I’M PRETTY SURE YOU’RE JUST A MOP WITH A HAT ON IT THAT FELL OVER AND SPILLED SOME SHIT INTO A TORTILLA. BUT JUST IN CASE, HERE’S WHAT.

Karkat: PEOPLE ALSO DON’T EAT BURRITOS LIKE FUCKING CORN ON THE COB, LIKE A FUCKING TYPEWRITER FROM ONE END TO THE OTHER, A LITTLE AT A TIME, AND THEN DING! NEXT LINE. BUT TODAY, I WISH I HAD TRIED THAT, BECAUSE AT LEAST THEN I WOULD BE ABLE TO EAT SOME RICE, THEN BEANS, THEN BE ALL LIKE, “HEY BEANS! I’LL BE RIGHT BACK, JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.”

Karkat: NOPE!

Karkat: INSTEAD, MY EXPERIENCE WAS MORE LIKE, “HEY BEANS, IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND ME FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU, BUT BY THEN, YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY. OH HEY, I WAS WRONG. I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW. RICE MUST BE NEXT. I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.”

Karkat: YOU BUILT THIS THING LIKE A FUCKING PACK OF LIFESAVERS.

Karkat: AND DON’T EVEN FUCKING THINK I’M ABOUT TO OPEN THIS SHIT UP AND RE-ENGINEER YOUR NONSENSE 90 DEGREES. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH! YEAH, THAT’S HOW I FOUND OUT YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

Karkat: WHAT’S THAT? I SHOULD ASK YOU TO MIX IT UP FIRST NEXT TIME? IS THIS FUCKING JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO WITH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN!

Karkat: I JUST WANT A BURRITO!!

Karkat: IN CONCLUSION.

Karkat: YOU ARE THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO THE UNIVERSE, YOU OWE EVERYONE EVERYWHERE AN APOLOGY FOR THIS BURRITOBOMINATION, AND I HOPE YOUR BABIES LOOK LIKE LITERAL MONKEYS.

Karkat: UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID, “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK.”

Karkat: A FUCKING FORK?

Karkat: I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD!!??

Karkat: IF ANYONE EVER HANDED ME A BURRITO WITH A FORK, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER

Karkat: THAT’S LIKE BUYING A CAR AND HAVING THEM HAND YOU A FUCKING WRENCH WITH THE KEYS, LIKE “YEAH, WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.”

Karkat: GOD ALREADY GAVE ME TWO BURRITO FORKS, ONE AT THE END OF EACH ARM. THEY’RE CALLED FUCKING HANDS

Karkat: A FORK. MY GOD, I HAVEN’T CRIED SINCE I WAS SIX BUT I’M FUCKING SOBBING NOW

Karkat: PEOPLE EAT BURRITOS WITH FORKS?

Karkat: I AM EMBARRASSED TO HAVE HAD ANY PART IN MAKING YOU

#oh #my GOD #okaY THIS ONES #THIS ONES FUCKING T H I C C #dude karkat went OFF about burritos dude #ok SHIT #homestuck #incorrect homestuck quotes #submission #midnight-the-demon #mod dave #karkat vantas #THIS IS ALL ONE CHARACTER

230 notes · View notes