#the biggest sign of mental instability

[civilight-eterna]

i want to put yan under a microscope and study her she's honestly fascinating.

#ex astris #yan (ex astris) #this girl. #she's in the top 10% of reversi gamers on earth but she found out about shakespeare from someone on a whole other planet #a swordswoman but like. really young for having that much aptitude. #what happened to your arm #what happened to your HAIR i feel like she cuts her own bangs #the biggest sign of mental instability #also thinks 'everyone on earth' can do origami #tbf she might've just been trying to impress Vi #and i love how picky she is about her food/textures/sensations #my deeply sensitive brooding girl

[prodshima]

love languages (two) 𖤐

warnings: signs of mental instability (?), idk but that's about it, it's all just fluff <3 tell me if i missed anything :)

characters: kuroo & hajime

notes: in honor of me turning seventeen today, here is the part two of love languages! <3 i hope im not too rusty crusty haha :D!

-> click here for: [ part one ]

kuroo tetsuro - acts of service

kuroo tetsuro is a man who never fails to reach the book men level of standard.

you think that maybe he’s not actually real and some kind of illusion, because how could be a man be so perfect?

well, apparently he is and you must’ve saved multiple planets because for whatever reason— he’s your boyfriend in this universe.

—

“baby? i brought you your favorite coffee and some pastries” the said man says as he pushes the bedroom door open

you quickly turn around to the sweet voice of your boyfriend, he’s wearing the biggest grin on his face that reciprocates yours while holding up your favorite coffee in his hand and bread on the other

just like a child when they’re given their favorite stash of candy.

“matcha latte?” you scramble away from your where you’re sat in to where he is, kicking away the scattered tissue boxes and paper bags

kuroo chuckles, pecking your forehead lightly “mhm, you got it, baby. you feeling better now?”

you nod, “uh uh, i’m doing okay now, just doing my physics assignments to catch up for tomorrow and i still have some cleaning to do… i think im gonna get sick again if i don’t”

sounds of laughter fills up the room as the both of you glance around the room, looking at each other again with a scrunch

“i’ll help you clean up and don’t overwork yourself, okay? don’t wanna see my baby getting sick again” kuroo laughs as he pinches your cheek before moving to sit on your bed, reaching into his bag

“oh and here’s your physics and maths notes, baby, i figured i could use my vacants to attend a couple of your missed classes” sounds of rustling follows as he hands you neatly highlighted papers

your mouth drops open in shock

just the thought that your boyfriend chose to spend his free time writing notes for his sick partner and listened to professors ramble for god knows how long instead of enjoying his once-in-a-lifetime rest hours

kuroo knows how much you struggle with these classes, not to mention that you’ve missed a couple days because of how sick you got.

“god, you didn’t have to do all that but thank you so much, tetsu, i love you a lot” you snake your hands around his neck to pull him down, kissing his lips

“well i got my reward, didn’t i?”

he smirks

sneaky little shit.

iwaizumi hajime - words of affirmation

it’s one of those days again.

those days where your ugly thoughts are winning over you and swallowing you whole, leaving you in a state of insecurity about yourself and your relationship with other people

it’s crazy how doubt can take over those positive thoughts you’ve tried to build over the months, only for it to be ruined by some evil monster inside your head that’s so against seeing you happy— there’s only so much you can do and you hate to think that it has succeeded.

but then iwaizumi hajime is always there to protect you.

he becomes your personal shield from all those monsters with just his words, his words that have seems to always save you from getting those thoughts into your head

-

“darling, is there something wrong?” hajime asks, his hand coming up to caress your cheek, worry evident on his face

how come he always knows even when you don’t say anything?

you wonder how, when it’s actually the silence that concerns him, he knows that you love making small talks with him just as he loves hearing your voice when you ramble about your day

it has become a part of your routine at this point, whether it's about your annoying professors, how you almost tripped over something, and even just about a cute dog you saw for two seconds on the street

and he's also powerhouse setter for god's sake, he's always perceptive and is quick when it comes to body languages and whatever happens around him

“it’s nothing, haj, i'm fine. just a little bit tired from school.” you whisper as you tiptoe to give him a kiss but instead, a gasp is forced out of you as he carries you bridal style into to the bedroom

hajime kicks through the door, still rubbing circles on your leg. he knows you're not feeling good and just don't wanna be a "hindrance", but to him, nothing and no one is more important than you

and you know this, but those ugly thoughts just disagrees and wants you to be miserable about every little thing. you hate that no matter what you do, they still manage push their way in and ruin your day

hajimes kisses your forehead and the tip of your nose lightly, "i don't wanna force you to talk about it if you're not ready just yet but remember that i'm all ears, okay? i love you so much, baby, you're perfect for me, always and whatever's bothering you is our problem, mhm?"

he must be an angel— you think, he's always patient with you and doesn't belittle you for having your moments of weaknesses that he says is a disguise of strength and that you being there with him despite everything makes you one of the bravest people out there

perhaps, he is — and you're one lucky person to be able to call him yours.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x you #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu!! #haikyuu fics #iwaizumi fluff #iwaizumi imagines #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi scenarios #iwaizumi x you #iwaizumi x y/n #kuroo x y/n #kuroo x you #kuroo scenarios #kuroo imagines #kuroo x reader

[farabruh]

Leon BPD post

Now, a little disclaimer beforehand: I'm not an expert in mental diseases nor personality disorders, I'm not a psychiatrist or even a psychologist, my knowledge is pretty surface-level. I'm not affirming anything and understand that this is a children's cartoon so the following is nearly impossible to be true, and I'm definitely not trying to offend anybody on purpose. It's just me mumbling about my headcanons, and I'll be interested in hearing your ideas about Leon's mental state, cause he's truly a character tbh.

First of all, what is BPD or borderline personality disorder? It's a mental condition in which person's has drastic mood swings, instability in relationships and self-image.

One of the biggest signs of BPD is fear of abandonment, which Leon clearly shows in s1e8. Actually this is the episode that makes you question his mental health state the most, but I digress. So, in this episode he struggles with feeling left out because of all the lies of some dude, though he never had a good reason to even consider this. That could be connected to paranoia, as he most likely assumed the worst about others and how they view him if his initial thought is that his friend are ganging up on him.

That also leads us to another sign of bpd: unclear self-image. In the same episode Leon has these moments where everyone saying that they should leave him behind and kick him out of the group. Thus, we can assume, that deep inside Leon is not that confident. Furthermore, he always does something to make himself seem to be the best. For example, s1e2 where he wants to be the one to score the final goal or s2e12 where he almost leaves the team to live his dream.

Those moments mentioned above in the 8th episode can be considered as a sign of dissociation too. That is when he breaks down after reading "Marlon's" letter. The voices he hears and the whole change of the surroundings into gray, which, I guess is an artistic choice, however, it still represents him being at his lowest and losing touch with reality.

Another very important sign of bpd is instability in relationships. That often goes along with black and white thinking, which means there's no gray area for those people. It can lead one to either adore or absolutely despise a person. And sometimes the switch can happen in the blink of an eye. Now I don't really remember Leon having a "favorite person", but he does change his attitude towards people who do not what he's expecting from them. Take s1e9 for example, Leon changes his opinion about Markus after finding out he was playing for the other team. While it seems reasonable at first, later on he still refuses to change his mind and even acts as if he doesn't know him. Or in *guess what episode* 8. Marlon immediately becomes his enemy after some lies in the school newspaper. And it's not only about his brother, but the whole team, since all of them were saying bad words about him in his delusions. Also s2e4, a moment with Willi. Yes, everyone thought he abandoned them, but Leon was the first to jump into conclusion...again.

What can also outline bpd is mood swing. Honestly, I can’t remember Leon having those, but I remember one moment from s1e3 where they all came to the field and Leon was like «screw it, I’m out». Maybe that counts as a mood swing? Also, perhaps, the way he acted in the 8th episode can also be considered as a mood swing

Speaking of impulsiveness, it’s definitely s1e1 when he challenges Siegers without thinking. Plus he gets in verbal arguments a lot, though it's more about anger issues.

Now let’s count how many BPD symptoms he has:

Fear of abandonment - yes

Unstable relationships - yes

Unclear or shifting self-image - yes

Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors - yes

Self-harm. Suicidal behavior – no, but obviously you can’t put that in the kid’s show

Extreme emotional swings – mmm, even though there are some moments with it, I wouldn’t say so

Chronic feelings of emptiness - no, not really

Explosive anger - yes

Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality – yes

6/9 which is enough to get diagnosis.

Another question that can occur: why is he like that?

Well, things that cause BPD can be different, but we wanna look at the child neglect. I’ve already talked about Wessel’s family, but I feel like I need to mention it again. So my theory is that their mother left when they were still at the young age, so their dad had to raise his sons by himself. That could’ve caused trauma for Leon, which later progressed into BPD.

In conlusion,

And I think that’s all I wanted to say. Idk, if you liked this stuff I might do a similar thing with the rest of the gang.

#die wilden kerle #dwk #dwk animated series #die wilden kerle animated series #dwk leon #long post #analysis

[zaramonzel]

Out of Battery

Nolan Ridley was the embodiment of Hollywood stardom. With his chiselled good looks, magnetic screen presence, and easygoing charm, he had captivated audiences for over a decade, making him one of the most celebrated actors of his time. Wherever he went, he was greeted by the familiar flashing cameras and deafening screams of his loyal fans. 

The energy was buzzing as Nolan stepped out onto the red carpet. Cameras flashed one after another as photographers rushed to get the perfect shot of the renowned leading man. Nolan flashed his signature smile, basking in the adoration of the crowd. He moved with practised ease, graciously signing autographs and posing for selfies with fans who had lined up desperate for a glimpse of their idol up close.

Nolan thrived on this, the endless validation of his stardom fuelling his sense of purpose. He knew that every moment in the spotlight was a testament to the effort and dedication he had poured into his work, his skills perfected throughout the years until he could effortlessly draw attention on the screen. The cheers, the reviews, the awards - they were all proof that he reached the very peak of success.

But lately, Nolan had been feeling an increasing drain on his energy and focus. The relentless demands of fame had taken a huge toll on him. Cracks in his carefully built public image started to show.

Nolan stared at his reflection, searching for any trace of the confident, charismatic movie star he once was. But all he saw staring back was a tired, hollowed-out shell. The veneer of stardom was slowly draining away. He splashed cold water on his face, trying to shake the sense of unease that had been gnawing at him for weeks. The insomnia was getting worse, robbing him of the rest he desperately needed to keep up his flawless public image. And then there were the panic attacks - sudden, overwhelming surges of anxiety that left him trembling and disoriented.

But keeping up that act was wearing him down more and more. Nolan could feel the energy powering his charisma slowly running out, no matter how hard he tried to recharge. Even simple tasks, like smiling for the cameras or charming interviewers, had become exhausting chores.

He thought back to the unflattering paparazzi photos that had surfaced recently - pictures that revealed the fatigue in his face, the subtle cracks in his public persona. And then there was that disastrous interview he gave where his growing instability and dark moods slipped out, much to the horror of his manager.

Nolan shuddered, the memory of that exchange still fresh in his mind. The reporter had probed too deep, touching a nerve that Nolan had tried to hide. In a moment of raw emotion, his composure shattered like glass. The fallout had been swift and harsh, with the interview going viral and sparking a firestorm of speculation about his mental state.

And the whispers only got louder. Disturbing accounts of his erratic behaviour on set, of meltdowns and outbursts that didn’t match the calm, confident image he showed the world. Nolan felt exposed, helplessly watching his well-built reputation crumble before his eyes.

The pressure only intensified as his next big film neared its release. The studio spared no expense on the premiere, pulling out all the stops to make it the biggest event of the year. He would have to be at the top of his game, fulfilling the image of a perfect star that the world knew. But he found himself growing short-tempered, lashing out at those around him and indulging in reckless behaviour that threatened to further erode his image. The façade was crumbling fast.

He looked in the mirror and all he saw was weariness creeping into his expression, dulling the trademark sparkle in his eyes. The public may have only seen his million-watt smile and natural poise, but he was painfully aware of the hollowness beneath. No amount of praise, box office wins, or love from his fans could fill the void he felt consuming him.

Nolan gripped the edge of the sink, his knuckles turning white as he forced himself to take a deep breath. He couldn't afford to lose his composure, not tonight. He had to hold it together, just for a little while longer. Once he stepped out onto the red carpet, all eyes would be on him, scrutinising his every move, his every gesture. The glare of the spotlights and the cheering roar of the crowd a constant reminder of the insatiable demands of fame.

As he straightened his tuxedo and smoothed a hand through his perfectly styled hair, Nolan couldn't shake the nagging feeling that the battery powering his stardom was draining fast. The world expected perfection, and he feared the consequences if he were to fall short.

Nolan steeled himself, mentally rehearsing the act he’d practised a thousand times - the dazzling smile, natural appeal, illusion of boundless energy. It was a performance he’d mastered over the years, one that earned him devoted fans and sealed his status as a true Hollywood icon.

But tonight, Nolan couldn't help but wonder if he had the strength left to pull it off. The weight of his stardom had never felt heavier. With yet another deep, steadying breath, he turned and made his way towards the waiting chaos, praying that he could summon the power to keep the lights from going dark.

Cameras bombarded Nolan as he strode forward, his practised smile firmly in place. All around him, the roar of the crowd was booming, thousands of fans reaching to meet him. It was a scene he’d lived countless times before, but tonight Nolan found himself overwhelmed by the intensity of it all.

Each step felt like work, the constant calls for his attention and affection were slowly consuming his energy bit by bit. Nolan's eyes darted from one side of the carpet to the other, betraying a growing unease that threatened to shatter his act.

As he paused to sign autographs and pose for photos, Nolan felt strain creeping into his expression. His smile now seemed stiff and artificial, the muscles in his face growing taut with the effort to maintain it.

The questions from overeager journalists only added to his distress. Nolan found himself snapping at reporters, his responses growing short and irritated as he struggled to keep his composure. Gone was his charming, witty persona; in its place, a raw, primal edge that hinted at the inner turmoil raging beneath.

Behind the scenes, Nolan's inner circle watched with growing concern. His agent, his publicist, and even his closest co-stars tried in vain to keep him steady, to steer him back towards the polished, captivating figure he was. But their attempts were met with resistance, as Nolan snapped at their good intentions with a volatility that stunned even his most seasoned handlers.

The time for the premiere screening drew near and Nolan paced backstage, his hands trembling as he tried to regain focus. The crowd noise, the blinding lights, the constant scrutiny - it was all too much.

He was rapidly depleting as if some unseen force was systematically snatching away the very essence of what made him a Hollywood icon. He was convinced that a conspiracy was at play, that his rivals or even his own team were working to undermine and expose him. Nolan's co-stars glanced at him with worry, their whispered conversations only fuelling his growing paranoia. Even his agent and publicist, once trusted allies, now seemed to be part of the plot in Nolan's mind.

The house lights dimmed and the audience settled into their seats as Nolan took his place, his heart pounding erratically. He could feel the weight of their expectations bearing down on him. The pressing need to deliver a flawless performance drains his will with each passing moment.

Nolan tried to focus on the task at hand, to immerse himself in the role he had come to embody so effortlessly before. But as the opening scenes unfolded, his concentration wavered. His gaze blurred, movements stiff and unnatural. Panic took over as he realised control was slipping. He was losing grip of not just his performance, but the meticulously constructed persona that had defined his career, his existence. The drain was relentless, a constant pull that threatened to strip him of everything he had worked so hard for.

Nolan felt the eyes of the crowd, their love morphing to confusion and then, perhaps, something much worse - a dawning realisation that the man they had idolised was not who he appeared to be. The lights, the cameras, the applause. All of it felt like a cruel illusion.

How long could he hold on before the lights were out?

As they reached the climactic scene, Nolan felt a sudden, overwhelming panic. The carefully rehearsed lines and movements that had once come to him so naturally now felt foreign and disconnected.

His eyes searched around the theatre, searching for any sign of the conspiracy he was convinced about. The other actors on screen, his co-stars standing beside him - they all seemed to be part of the plot, working together to undermine and expose him.

Nolan's heart raced, his palms growing clammy as the battery powering his legendary charm and charisma began to falter. His usual remarkable smile twisted into a feral snarl, his eyes burning with a primal rage that threatened to consume him.

Suddenly, his gaze fixed on his co-star, a young up-and-coming actor who shared the screen with him throughout the film. In that moment, Nolan was convinced that this man was the mastermind of the grand conspiracy, the one who had been orchestrating the draining of his star power.

With a bestial roar, Nolan lunged across the stage, his hands closing around the startled actor's throat. The young man's eyes widened in terror as Nolan's grip tightened, his thumbs pressing into the delicate flesh as he throttled him mercilessly.

The audience erupted into stunned silence, frozen in horror as they witnessed the unravelling of their beloved idol. Photographers impatiently captured the shocking spectacle as Nolan descended into a burst of violence, his co-star's desperate struggles only fuelling his manic rage.

Nolan's publicist and security team rushed to intervene, but the crazed actor snapped at them, his movements wild and unpredictable. He tore at his hair, screaming incoherently as he destroyed the nearest prop, shards of glass and twisted metal flying everywhere.

The aftermath was chaos. Nolan's career and reputation were left in ruins as the raw extent of his instability was laid bare for the world to see. In the days that followed, the media descended upon Nolan, their endless thirst for the details of his scandal fuelling a frenzy of speculation and condemnation. The once-revered actor was now viewed through a lens of suspicion and pity, his very humanity called into question as the public grappled with the exposé of his troubles.

Nolan stared down at his phone, its screen blinking the 'low battery' warning. He let out a heavy sigh, tossing the device aside and glancing around his lavish hotel suite. The opulent surroundings now felt like a prison, a gilded cage that only served to amplify his emptiness and solitude.

Nolan's mind raced as he paced the room, replaying the events of the disastrous premiere over and over again. The terror in his co-star's eyes, the shocked gasps, the flashing cameras - it was all seared into his memory, a torment refusing to fade.

His once-doting fans had turned on him, their admiration replaced by a mixture of shock, disgust, and pity. Nolan could already see the headlines, lurid details of his meltdown splashed across the covers of every tabloid and magazine.

He ran his fingers through his dishevelled hair, his eyes drained of life and looked erratic. The battery that had once fuelled his stardom was now completely out, leaving him stripped of the charisma, charm, and confidence that had made him a household name. In its place, a deeply troubled, unstable individual.

In the harsh light of day, Nolan was forced to confront the grim reality that there was no conspiracy. His downfall was of his own making, the result of his own unravelling mind and years-built persona crashing down.

Nolan stumbled towards the mini-bar, his fingers fumbling with the cap of a half-empty bottle of whiskey. He brought the glass to his lips, the amber liquid burning his throat as he drank with a desperate, frantic rhythm. But instead of the familiar burn that always offered solace, he felt a strange sensation. A very physical, almost tangible, drain that seemed to seep into his bones.

Nolan's eyes watched in horror as he watched the glass slip from his grasp, shattering on the floor in a spray of glittering shards. He staggered back, gaze locked on the fallen glass, and that's when he saw it - a faint, flickering glow emanating from the shattered pieces.

With trembling hands, Nolan reached down, carefully picking up a shard and holding it up to the light. His mind struggled to comprehend what he was witnessing. Was his drain caused by this? The never-ending depletion he had felt, the overwhelming sense of helplessness and isolation. Could it be this mysterious force had been slowly robbing him of his power?

With panic, he frantically searched the suite, tearing through drawers and upending furniture in attempt to find more of this newfound phenomenon in the glass. More charged glass appeared, each one pulsing with that same eerie glow, and with growing terror, he realised that they were scattered throughout the room, embedded in the walls, the furniture, even the plush carpeting. The shards of glass seemed to move on their own, shifting and rearranging in a way that defied the laws of physics.

Nolan let out a guttural, animalistic scream, the sound echoing through the empty suite as he fell to his knees, his hands clawing at the floor. The energy had stripped him of everything - his fame, his fortune, his sense of self - him to confront the grim reality of his own psychological and physical fragility.

In a final bid, Nolan stumbled towards the bathroom, his vision blurring as he hastily searched through the drawers, searching for anything that could restore his battery. But as he gazed into the mirror, he knew that it was too late - the lights had gone out, and Nolan Ridley was nothing more than a husk, a mere shell of the man he had once been.

Nolan reached for a shard of the charged glass, the jagged edges glinting in the dimly lit suite. He stared at his distorted reflection, a far cry from the dazzling image he projected on the red carpet, dark circles rimmed his eyes, lines of worry etched into his forehead. He was drained. Depleted. 

A twisted smile pulled at his lips. In that moment, his battery was finally and irrevocably out. Instead, he felt this primal, uncontrollable force that welling up from deep within his psyche, guiding him in inexplicable ways. The shard shook in Nolan's hand as he raised it towards his own throat, a strange, almost euphoric sense washed over him. In the deafening silence that followed, the only sound was the faint, ominous hum of the charged glass shards.

#writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writing #bookblr #author #writeblr #thriller #psychological thriller #creative writing #suspense #metaphor #tumblr writers #short story #fiction #short fiction #short writing #story writing #fiction writing #writers and poets

[darkestprompts]

DD Early Game Design

I obviously focus on stories here, but the other day it struck me how well thought-out DD’s early game is, for all it gets the reputation of throwing the player to the wolves. 

For one, take a look at Dismas and Reynauld’s quirks:

Dismas

Positive: Hard Nogging and Quick Reflexes; 

Negative: Known Cheat.

Reynauld

Positive: Warrior of Light; 

Negative: Kleptomaniac and God Fearing.

Six quirks in total, but notice that you have an excellent sample of all sorts of common quirks you can get. You have flat defensive and offensive quirks, a conditional quirk with torch interaction, a “all stress activities except X” quirk, a “no stress activities except X” quirk and a curio interaction quirk.

*A small tangent: I especially like Reynauld’s array, because it’s *perfect* characterization. You get the righteous warrior aspect, the religious fear aspect and a sign of mental instability that makes him act in morally compromised ways. To have them all at once gives each one nuance and paints a vivid picture of the character.

Back to quirks. I argue that Kleptomaniac is actually very important, even if it’s fucking annoying. You are pretty much guaranteed to set it off in his first Ruins mission, illustrating how forced curio interaction works. It also provides two important incentives: first, to bench Reynauld until you can deal with his Kleptomania, so you don’t get attached to one team comp, and second, to use the Sanatorium as soon as it opens. This goes for stress activity quirks as well, you are forced to pay attention to restrictions as soon as you need to bench one of your starting heroes.

The skill selection is also interesting. It starts this way:

Dismas

Pistol Shot, Tracking Shot, Grapeshot Blast, Open Vein;

Blocked: Wicked Slice, Point Blank Shot, Duelist’s Advance.

Camping: Wound Care, Clean Guns, Bandit’s Sense;

Blocked Camping: Encourage, Pep Talk, Gallows Humor, Unparalleled Finesse.

Reynauld

Smite, Zealous Accusation, Stunning Blow, Bulwark of Faith.

Blocked: Battle Heal, Holy Lance, Inspiring Cry

Camping: Encourage, Stand Tall, Zealous Speech;

Blocked Camping: Wound Care, Pep Talk, Unshakeable Leader, Zealous Vigil.

These are decent, but Reynauld’s in particular are not optimal. Bulwark of Faith is low tempo for hallway battles and Zealous Accusation is generally not great and sinergizes poorly as a ranged skill in a mostly melee toolkit. His healing is blocked off. Dismas’ biggest ace in the hole, riposte, is absent. As is Point Blank Shot.

The point here, I think, is to limit early game party compositions to what is safe and simple to grasp, while teasing what you will be able to do once the Guild opens. In your first quest it makes no sense to have Holy Lance because there’s no Rank 3, but to run a dancing team in your second quest is still asking for newbies to brick themselves. 

Stress healing too early could be a problem, both in that the player may avoid using stress activities and that they may get stuck trying to heal every bit of stress damage, when it’s generally better to just kill the stress caster.  

Once you have the coin and the building, though, you will be able to experiment.

Furthermore, you need to introduce the other character’s in their usual roles. Without Reynauld’s healing, you *have* to use PD or Vestal's (if you want healing, that is; most newbies will), which pushes them to the backline, on top of the fact that they always start with Plague Grenade and Divine Grace. 

If you roll an odd skill combo, you may run a Tricky Glory comp with a bonk Vestal in Rank 2 and Dismas in Rank 3, or, at worst, PD in rank 2. But the first is mitigated by the fact that Vestal has more base HP than Dismas, and the second by the fact that you have a backline Vestal with Divine Grace. Most people will stick with The Usual Suspects or Red Hook for their first team. This is further encouraged by the fact that Dismas and Reynauld will already be placed on the line-up, suggesting you put Vestal and PD right behind them.

The camping skills are a bit different. From Dismas you get a variety of effects: healing, buffs, ambush prevention. The latter is especially important to guarantee early on. The dicey Gallows Humor is blocked off. 

By his turn, Reynauld is completely focused on stress healing. I believe this reflects that new players are likely to struggle with stress in their first medium to long missions. You get a way to clean Mortality debuffs for your first inevitable Death’s Door. Zealous Vigil is there as an alternative ambush preventer for when the Survivalist opens, as will Vestal’s Sanctuary. The percentual stress resistance buffs are blocked, as they are more useful when the player is confident with their planning and camps early rather than later.

Overall, players underestimate how much work it takes to telegraph mechanics without holding your hand every step of the way. It’s even harder when difficulty and failure is an intended part of the experience. There’s much you have to think about if you don’t want to lead your player to a dead end. Red Hook packed a lot into a relatively short tutorial for a very long game, and that’s impressive.

#darkest dungeon #game design #game mechanics #thoughts #dd gameplay

[theconsciousmindsblog]

10 Signs of Repressed Trauma

Grab a cuppa as we navigate through the shadows of the past, unveiling the signs that may explain those confusing emotions and reactions you’ve carried into adulthood. Imagine it as emotional baggage that lies within your unconscious mind determining how you react and show up without even realising it. Understanding and acknowledging these experiences can be your first step towards healing and reclaiming control over your life and emotional well-being. 1. You get triggered in certain situations.

This is one of the profound signs of repressed childhood trauma in adults. As our brains cannot store the event itself, they take in everything around us when we go through a traumatic experience. Maybe a certain song, smell or voice makes you remember something traumatic from your childhood. Always trust your gut instincts in situations like this. For example, if going to your relative’s house has always upset you there might be something more going on here. Your senses will cue fight or flight even if your mind can’t understand why.

2. You dissociate

Dissociation may be something that you experience for a short time while something traumatic is happening. But you also may have learned to dissociate as a way of coping with stressful experiences. If you dissociate, you may feel disconnected from yourself and the world around you. For example, you may feel detached from your body or feel as though the world around you is unreal. Remember, everyone’s experience of dissociation is different.

3. You people please (also called fawning).

The fawn response is a coping mechanism in which individuals develop people-pleasing behaviours to avoid conflict, pacify their abusers, and create a sense of safety. An example of people-pleasing is making decisions to please your parents at whatever cost–this could be anything from choosing your career path to deciding what to order for dinner based on someone else’s wishes. 

4. You display signs of insecure attachment style.

Most adult survivors of childhood trauma cannot form lasting, healthy, and stable relationships. Often, these issues can be due to insecure attachment styles that develop as a result of neglectful, abusive, absent or inconsistent caregivers. This often presents itself as an intense fear of abandonment and trust issues. You may also be excessively controlling, exhibit a pattern of shutting down, or push people away. Over time, these behaviours can adversely impact your relationships.

5. You suffer from severe anxiety. Anxiety is the most common mental health disorder in adults and is one of the biggest signs of repressed childhood trauma in adults. When you experience abuse or witness violence as a child, your body goes into fight or flight mode around certain people but this feeling stays hidden until one day, someone who looks like them works alongside you. Symptoms like staying in unhealthy and even severely abusive relationships, constant worry about being left behind, emotional instability, and more makes it a never-ending cycle.

6. You find it hard to cope with stressful situations. We feel stress when we’re pushed out of our comfort zone or have too much on our plate but for some people, including you, this stress can feel suffocating and extremely overwhelming.

7. You have major trust issues. Do you feel like you always found it hard to trust others, even the good ones? Maybe even from what you remember in life you’ve never been given a reason to have such a strong aversion to men. This might point to the possibility that you have repressed memories of neglect, mistreatment and abuse from your father, which you have buried deep into your subconscious mind. If you are struggling with trust issues, the best thing you can do for yourself is seek professional help. A therapist can help you explore the root causes of your trust issues including uncovering potential trauma you’ve long since buried.

8. You have a tendency of revictimising yourself. Revictimisation is when you repeat actions and behaviours associated with your childhood experiences, usually unconsciously. This is often a result of unresolved and repressed childhood trauma. What you fail to address will often affect your future choices, and sometimes very badly. Some ways you may revictimize yourself include the following: Falling in love with neglectful, abusive, or dysfunctional partners. Self-destructive behaviours that keep you from reaching your goals. Neglecting your emotional, mental and physical needs. Unhealthy sexual behaviours that mimic past traumas related to sexual violence. Showing tendencies of abusive, mistreating or harming others. Allowing others to abuse you.

9. You struggle with substance abuse. In order the numb your pain, you resort to substance abuse, and also to punish yourself. When something hurts you very badly, and you tend to bottle it up, it leads to you resorting to self-destructive acts, in order to deal with the pain. Extreme drinking, drug abuse, or even excessive smoking can destroy your physical, mental and emotional health in the long run.

10. You tend to have childish reactions in certain situations. The development of your prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for emotional and impulse control, can be seriously affected by trauma. According to various research, this part of the brain has less activity when it comes to survivors of childhood trauma. Conversely, there is an increased activity in another part of your brain called the amygdala that deals with your emotions.

If you can relate to 3 or more of the above signs, then you need to work on past trauma to break free and regain control. Get in touch via [email protected] to book a free consultation or get on our waitlist for the upcoming self-help course

#self help #self care #self improvement

[thyandrawrites]

Dabi being Touya isn't what surprised me, it was how it was executed. This dude Dabi danced like he was on x factor exposing his identity to Endeavor. That moment was the most I have ever seen him emote ever, he was in such a euphoric state.

Dabi makes some really ghoulish faces sometimes. I didn't think he could make some of his creepy faces without some of his staples falling out. Come to think of it, this guy smiles a lot of times in inappropriate situations, like when Twice died, Dabi had this huge smile on his face even though he was upset that he died. Hawks even commented that it was a inappropriate face for someone to make after seeing their friend die. Do you think that this could be part of Dabi's mental instability?

I don't know if these were sent by the same anon, but I'm answering them together cause the topics are linked.

I think that in both cases that extreme euphoria was a symptom of emotional distress. I won't claim I can armchair diagnose him with something, but imho there's a big chance it was a reaction to a trigger. Both times, he begs his audience to look at him.

this is what he tells Hawks^

it's a different phrasing than the one he directed to his father, but the feeling behind it is the same. Dabi knows that Hawks underestimated him. As soon as Hawks had access to the rest of the League, he directly targeted the guy most vulnerable to his manipulation, since Twice was much easier to work than Dabi. But it goes beyond that. Hawks was terrified of the threat posed by Twice's quirk specifically.

And Dabi was aware of it, and it stung to be sidelined like that. Dabi has trauma about being discarded, being forgotten about when someone else comes around who is more deserving of attention than him. I think that's the reason he lashes out so viciously against Hawks, and yes, also why he smiles that deranged smile as he does so. He was freshly smacked with the reminder of that trauma, and that smile is a manifestation of the emotional instability he's going through. He proudly showcases the flashdrive with the video that he'll later broadcast, taunting Hawks with it. He's telling Hawks how wrong he was for not realizing how dangerous he is as well, because the threat to the status quo posed by his tape is much stronger than the one posed by Twice's army of clones. Hawks shouldn't have brushed him off before seeing what he is capable of. Sounds familiar yet?

It's the same desperation he showed to his father when he was trying to prove he had an ace up his sleeve, a power that Endvr didn't see coming but that was sure to impress him.

In so many ways, Dabi is still that child wishing to prove his worth, desperate to go any length if it means getting a scrape of recognition.

Similarly, the mad glint of euphoria in his eyes during the reveal and even his dancing are a sign of his instability as well. He's bid his time for over ten years now, waiting for the moment he could finally make his presence known to his father again (his final ace up his sleeve, the biggest weapon he's ever wielded).

His father forgot about him, trained Shouto the way he refused to train him, and at last became number one, crowning his dreams of glory. Meanwhile, the pain Dabi went through is all but forgotten.

he even projects that onto Shouto. Even though his little brother is in such agony, no one cares, too busy feeling happy about themselves to notice.

Just like how Dabi was crying his eyes out for years, "not that Endvr knew." Endvr was too busy replacing him with his new masterpiece to see Touya, to realize he was strong as well.

But Endvr was wrong to consider him weak, to sideline him for Shouto, because secretly Dabi had been plotting his father's demise for years, waiting for the right moment to rob Endvr of all the happiness he'd built at his expense.

Those smiles, the euphoria that is so "out of place" is a sign that he's spiralling harder and harder. The longer people keep overlooking him, the more that rejection cuts scars into him and drives him to excesses like that, trying to compensate and falling apart in the process.

#ali replies #bnha meta #bnha spoilers #meta:dabi #todoroki touya #dabi #my post #abuse cw

[chichiscloset]

I love your blog! I absolutely adore raising women up and being lifted up spiritually and emotionally as well. All ways actually if I’m being honest. I am so happy I stumbled across you 💕. I love the way you articulate positivity with strength, guided pathways with a sense of direction to travel, and logic. I would love to pass on some words of encouragement, wisdom, and guidance if you wouldn’t mind sharing your thoughts on a circumstance my friend is going through. If you had any piece or pieces of advice to give a woman who is/was in love with a good man, who recently was diagnosed with a long term mental health disorder/illness, started on new medication for it leading to some reality alterations and derogatory side effects from the meds, while making some very poor judgment/choices during the transition, was dishonest about things that can be defined as infidelity, dishonesty, disrespectful, and extremely painful and devastating to a marriage or any relationship what would it be? He did come clean about his actions fully. This is how she found out she said she had no intuitive feelings or saw any red flags that would have lead her to believe what he had told her. Losing trust is a horrific scenario for any relationship. The loss of self worth, low self esteem, and lack of confidence can be devastating. However, from a medical professional vantage point, mental health illness’s can be mind and life altering along with medication side effects or adverse reactions then not to mention other mental instabilities one may endure because of the new diagnosis in general where the reality of the life they have known, all of its components, values, and meanings change for them. Stability is no longer in existence. Is it a justifiable excuse though? I’m not so sure as I believe every persons scenario and thought processes could and would be different. My concern is how to keep their spirits up, having her not feel at fault harvesting shame and remorse, and not sinking into self worth/image or confidence level declines, inappropriate accountability, unwarranted pain and suffering, responsibility in a negative context, severe depression, and unwanted judgment from busy bodies who ridicule and gossip unnecessarily during this time resulting in embarrassment? It has been hard for her and him frankly and I can see they want them make it work. They have an amazing connection and chemistry. It is really very sad for all who know them. She is not on tumblr but I will be forwarding some of your posts and your response if you don’t mind. I’d like to help them in anyway I can… together or not together… Her biggest challenge is trusting him not to do something out of the norm again because she forgave him this time and him use the “mental health” or “medication alteration” as a valid reason to be dismissed of accountability or an “acceptance” of this kind of behavior going forward. Thank you for your time and consideration. Signed, Smart, beautiful, confident, strong, and leading others to excellence if and when not being lead while seeking it myself. Stay beautiful always with a smile my dear friends!!! 🤍💕🤍

Thank you so much anon for sharing your story ! Truly, this is amazing! I hope others can learn from your friends story.

Please can you DM me? I’d love to speak with you . I don’t think I can answer your question within this little text box. Thank you ✨

~Chichi

#answered #levelling up

[pumpkinpuffgirls]

So here we finally have my interpretation of Bliss! Including a bonus artwork redone from that Bliss Promotional poster way back when.

All Ideas and notes about the character below

New Backstory Concept

Right now my idea for Bliss is that she wasn't made ith some other silly chemical. Like Bunny originally, it took a very careful (accidental) amount of each ingredient to get the girls. Bliss was the first attempt. But her powers were way too out of control and she was unstable.But the Professor wouldn't give up on one of his children. So he put Bliss is stasis and kept her secret after the main girls were created due to the kind of emotional and superpowered complications that would bring. Though Bliss is very aware of her sisters, and understands why she can't see them, not until she's better. All this time the Professor has been trying new things to help keep Bliss stable which he's learned from raising Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup. When he feels he has a breakthrough, he let's Bliss out to test the progress. Though so far it's all ended with failure, with the biggest incidents being able to be blamed on other factors (Monster attack, the other villains, etc). With the Comic I'm gonna write, leading into a Bunny Revival event. Professor finally reveals Bliss still in Stasis to the girls, feeling he will finally has what he needs so Bliss can finally live her life in safety in comfort and meet her sisters. All seems well at first. However any kind of sign of things going wrong makes Bliss anxious, and the moment her powers go a little wacky she panics. Terrified that she'll have to go into stasis again after so long, and flies off. Stuff happens, and the Professor apologizes profusely for how much Bliss has gone through, saying that he failed her as a father for not being able to let her grow up with the others. Letting things get this bad. Sapna (A PPG 2016 character whom a friend is gonna be re-designing) reassures the professor that he only did what he thought was best. Bliss' own powers were a danger to even herself, and that they'll be able to find the final piece to helping Bliss Stabilize. There's probably some villain interference. Most likely Him. Trying to sway Bliss to the dark side. But she's saved with the help of her sisters, allowing Bliss to realize the full potential of her powers. As feeling joy allows her to be at her most powerful and there's no greater joy than a loving, supportive family.

Ability and Character Notes

Powers are heavily connected to her emotions, and are at their strongest when she feels immense joy. But unstable when she feel stressed or anxious. So she tends to feel things in extremes, making her moody. 

Going to Therapy to help work through her emotional instability. At her best she is a bright beam of sunshine. At her worst she’s reclusive.

(Probably on the Spectrum) 

Beautiful Singing Voice, loves to sing when she's happy. 

Socially Awkward due to years of isolation, tries very hard to fit in. Intelligent but Naive, has a lot of catching up to do.

Additional Thoughts

So when redesigning Bliss I went with her name first. Bliss means “great joy” and you don’t really get a feel for that with her old design. Each girl has a meaning to her name when you think about it. Even Bunny. So Bliss’ name should reflect her personality and design. So this is why her color was changed to Yellow and her hair Purple to reflect the concept of joy.

Instead of a heart clip on her headband, I made that odd Cowlick she has heart-shaped instead! A way to add something to the space above her head without conflicting with the rest of the design. 

Her powers being connected to her emotions continues on the “Bliss” theming. Since Bliss is an extreme emotion, I decided that aside from the other standard PPG powers that her emotions are a large part in her stability. Giving her something to overcome with time, but something that can be related to. After all, a lot of people go through times in their life, especially as an adolescent or a teen, where they feel out of control with their emotions, deal with mental illness, or are discovering themselves. It feels like a way to wrap all those ideas together in a nice little bow with how Bliss is supposed to a long lost, troubled older sister who still means well.

#PPG #Powerpuff Girls #Bliss #PPG Bliss #Powerpuff Girls Bliss #Bubbles #Blossom #Buttercup #Bunny #PPG Bubbles #PPG Blossom #PPG Buttercup #PPG Bunny #PPG Re-Design #Bliss Re-Design #PPG Bliss Re-Design #Re-Design

[coochiequeens]

I will never support prison abolition because some people should be separated from society. But this is one reason why prison reform is needed not just for women but for their children.

Women in prison are five times more likely to have a stillbirth and twice as likely to give birth to a premature baby that needs special care, new data collected by the Observer shows.

Following two baby deaths in prisons since 2019 there have been increasing concerns about safety for pregnant women and their babies.

Figures obtained through freedom of information requests made to 11 NHS trusts serving women’s prisons in England show 28% of the babies born to women serving a custodial sentence between 2015 and 2019 were admitted to a neonatal unit afterwards – double the national figure, according to data from the National Neonatal Research Database.

Of the 125 births for which additional data was supplied, one in seven babies had a low birth weight – double the rate in the general population. Stillbirths were at a rate of 20.9 per 1,000 births, compared with 4.2.

The findings come as the House of Lords prepares to vote this week on proposed changes to bail and sentencing laws that would improve the rights of pregnant women and mothers facing criminal charges.

One woman, known only as Anita, who was six months pregnant when she was arrested, gave birth while on remand and said her son would never have spent the first weeks of his life behind bars had she initially been granted bail: “Every pregnant woman is offered a single cell but I refused as my biggest worry was giving birth on my own behind a locked door,” she said.

A report published in September examined the circumstances of a baby’s death at Bronzefield prison in Surrey where an 18-year-old was left to give birth alone in her cell. Research shows one in 10 women who give birth during a prison stay do so there or on their way to hospital.

When Anita rang her cell bell at 5.30am when she went into labour the guards said they would send somebody. It was only during the morning rounds at 7.30am that a nurse was called. She was transferred to hospital at 10.30am. Anita said: “Despite being in active labour the guards would not remove my handcuffs and ignored me when I asked them to call the baby’s father and my mum – who were eventually contacted by a doctor.”

After her son was born, Anita wanted to breastfeed but instead asked for a bottle because the male prison guard would not leave her side and she felt uncomfortable. “It’s just degrading. It’s meant to be the happiest moment of your life but there you are being taken back – cuffed and with my son in a car seat,” she said.

Her solicitor later made a successful bail application and Anita was released on an electronic tag before being sentenced. She spent time on a mother and baby unit and was released just before her son’s first birthday. He suffered from bronchiolitis and during their time in prison he was taken to hospital 11 times.

Anita said: “Prison is simply not a safe place for pregnant women or children.”

Kate Paradine, chief executive of Women in Prison, said: “When a parent goes to prison it disrupts children’s lives and damages mental health, with nine in 10 children forced to leave their home when their mother is imprisoned.

“Homelessness, instability and trauma are just some of the consequences. Sentencing guidelines already acknowledge these devastating effects but there is clear evidence these aren’t being accurately or consistently applied.”

If amendments to the police, crime, sentencing and courts bill are passed, judges will be required to state how the best interests of a child or unborn baby are considered when sentencing a pregnant woman or primary carer.

“Currently the court looks at the woman in the dock and her children are invisible,” says Harriet Harman, Labour MP and chair of the joint committee on human rights, which drafted the amendments.

Harman, who oversaw a 2019 report on the the right to family life, said: “We have signed up to the rights of the child being paramount and yet we trample all over those rights when it comes to the children of women in prison.”

Responding to the data on stillbirths she said: “The findings are shocking and shaming but not surprising.”

A higher rate of drug and alcohol problems within prisons than in the general public could be one of many contributing factors to the poorer birth outcomes. The government’s own impact assessment for the bill’s measures indicate that 74% of women serving short sentences of up to 12 months had a drug misuse need.

Prisons are extremely stressful and traumatising environments that can affect a mother’s pregnancy, said Paradine. She explained: “For pregnant women who arrive in prison with pre-existing mental health needs, these are amplified and can be a cause of toxic stress that can affect the baby’s development.”

Janey Starling, co-director of the campaign group Level Up, said changes to bail and sentencing laws were long overdue: “Prison will never be a safe place for pregnant women and new mothers, and the government must change the law to stop their imprisonment.” The group has set up a petition in coalition with Women in Prison and Birth Companions.

An NHS spokesperson said: “The latest data shows rates of stillbirth overall have reduced by more than one fifth since 2013 – but any baby lost to a stillbirth is one too many. In England, the NHS is continuing to take steps to reduce stillbirths and neonatal deaths as well as working to ensure pregnant women in secure environments receive high quality, safe care.”

This study came out while everyone is still outraged over the death of Arthur Labinjo-Hughes who was murdered by his father and stepmother while his mother was in jail for the killing of her abusive partner.

#UK #women in prison #children of women in prison #Prison reform

[bonsaiiiiiii]

FabFiveFeb 2021 - Virgil week

prompts: a question, “I don’t understand”

here is my offering for FabFiveFeb 2021, and naturally it’s Virgil week! this chapter is quite short, a sort of...opening, if we want to put it that way (the prompts will appear in the next chapter, don’t worry if you don’t see them right now!). big thanks to @gumnut-logic for the challenge and the prompts, and to @louthestarspeaker for a general review! @nourelle-tracy here’s the whumpyy you requested. if you want some sneak peeks on the next chap pm me!

^to make it short, read this under the cut^

Another day, another rescue.

This time it was a suspended hotel in the mountains on the verge of falling and, as if that wasn't enough, there was also an armed civilian threatening the people inside. For the second thing the GDF would take of it, but the first one was an International Rescue mission.

So there were Virgil, Gordon and Scott at the site of the incident, deciding a way to at least block the hotel and evacuate all the people inside, shooter included. Jeff and John were speaking with them through hologram.

"So this massive building above you is the Heavens' Residence, and it's well known for being suspended between two mountains by a particular structure and for being the biggest in the world. Sending you the blue prints now."

Virgil studied the structure for a bit. It was mostly all corrugate and carbon steel, so resistant, and it caught support by leaning on the two mountains with many large 'claws' leaning into the rocks, like spider legs. The damage was in one of these spider legs: something fell from the top of the mountains, maybe a subsidence considered the damage, and it bent the claw. That's why the whole structure was falling, if just one if those are missing or defective it all falls. A good plan but a bad execution. "The damage is pretty visible and clear," he looked up at the bent claw above him, "we have to try and keep stable that claw, so we can evacuate everyone."

"Not until the shooter is escorted out by the GDF. We just received the signals: one less life sign." Jeff interrupted Virgil's plan sternly.

"We don't have time to wait for the GDF! They don't have time!" Virgil protested.

"I agree with dad. He could even hurt us, and we can't keep risking more lives to fall." Scott agreed with Jeff. "But it's still true that if we don't act now they're all gonna die nevertheless." He got silent for a bit, thinking of a plan through the situation.

"What's the deal with him tho?" Gordon asked curiously. "Does he shoot people randomly or has he got a motive behind this?"

"His name is Santiago Lopez, all I know about him is that he's married with a certain Louise. It seems that what triggered Mr. Lopez was seeing his wife with another man." John answered calmly.

"Scott," Virgil captured his big brother's attention. "let's stabilize that claw for the moment, then we'll think about the guests inside."

"Very well. We'll have to use the pods. Gordon?"

"FAB." the squid kid intercepted the subtle message, heading along with Scott inside Thunderbird 2 and preparing 2 pods. After not long they were already on 2 helipods,  flying up to the claw and starting immediately to stabilize it with some stabilizing foam.

Virgil in the meantime kept thinking of a way to get up to the guests. He looked at the elevator crashed on the ground, considering it wasn't the best option. He looked up for a while, to then contact John.

He answered immediately. "What's the problem, Virgil?"

"How long would it take me to climb up to the hotel's entrance or even a window?"

John opened his mouth to protest, noticing where this was going, but he eventually closed back his mouth, doing some mental calculations. "Considering the highness I would say about 20 minutes. You just need to take the exo-suit."

"I'm far beyond you, brother." Virgil laughed while putting said exo-suit on, already into his Thunderbird.

"But Scott and Gordon will be done soon, can't you wait for them?"

"It takes a whole lot of time to climb up there, you said it. And while they're stabilizing I can get inside and try to help whoever has to be helped." he stopped when he heard another gunshot in the distance. "Kinda off topic, but where is the GDF? We  would need a hand of help from them."

"5 minutes ago they said they were on their way. But-" the redhead paused for a second, "Dad won't be happy if he discovers you disobeyed his orders."

"He won't know." Virgil replied impatiently. People come before anything, it was a rule.

"You're playing with fire, I tell you that." John said before disappearing. Virgil huffed, and climbed his way through.

It didn't take long for him to get up to the entrance of the hotel and get inside safely. The vision that presented itself in front of him was almost grotesque: the bodies of the two lovers were laying lifeless on the ground, and if he had to explain it to his brothers later he would say that the 2 bodies were reduced to a colander. He could clearly sense the disgusting smell of vomit, even through his helmet; seems like someone has a sensible stomach. Well, the sight was horrible, so it was justified. The woman, Louise, was caucasian but tanned, while the man was maybe Cuban. They were both unrecognizable in the face.

And speaking of others...where were they? He looked quickly around him, and he saw many people hidden behind counters, tables...they were all shaking and trembling, but nobody didn't seem to be caught in the fire of the jealous man. He didn't see anybody hurt and nobody bloody, but there was a little girl who was whimpering and holding her arm. He quickly paced to her.

"Are you okay miss?"

She, on the other hand, widened her eyes in pure horror. "Are you from the police?"

"No...I'm from International Rescue. I'm here to save you."

"You can't do that!" she shouted, but somewhat her sentence came out whispered lightly.

"Hey, it's okay. We're gonna get you to safety." he repeated, this time a bit more quietly.

"He will kill us if he sees you here! He has already killed his wife and..." The girl continued to whisper terrified, looking around frantically.

He tried to ignore that statement for the time being by kneeling slowly. "Are you hurt?"

"No...but he killed my dad." she let a sob slip away. Virgil blinked, understanding the gravity of the situation in a single instant.

"Is your mom with you?"

"Mom died, dad didn’t know the other mom had a husband..." The girl’s sobs were echoing all over the room.

For a moment Virgil’s heart tightened in a painful vice; the child was too young to lose both parents, and apparently also a stepmother she loved. "How old are you?"

"11..." The child replied sad, and then watched him terrified. Or he didn’t look at him...he could see a shadow forming in front of him. A shadow that was not his own.

"Turn slowly." The new voice was very sharp and shaky, a sign of instability, but Virgil did what the other man told him anyway. As he turned completely to look at him he found a gun pointed at his forehead. Small enough, maybe it makes a lot of noise. Virgil made sure to cover the child behind him as much as possible, trying to hide the nervousness that attacked his mind and trying to muffle the sound of the quiet sobs and sobs that he heard echoing throughout the room.

Suddenly his communicator echoed in the room, possibly John trying to get in touch with him for an update on the situation. Maybe Scott or Gordon to warn him that they had finished with the claw.

"Don’t answer." The shrill voice of his assailant echoed again in the room, the gun pressing more and more in his forehead.

"I won’t answer." Virgil replied, holding his hands in the air so that the other could see them.

Mr Lopez was about to replicate something when the deafening noise of various engines grew nearer and louder, until everyone saw a very familiar military aircraft looming a shadow over everyone’s heads.

As if the situation were not disastrous enough, all the guests began to scream and run in all directions, agitated. The assailant distracted his attention from Virgil, holding the gun to his temple but loosening the grip a bit, and Virgil in turn took the opportunity to get out of the firing trajectory and run away to try to calm everyone down.

The situation became even more dramatic when a shot, even very close, echoed in the air, causing everyone to stop dead in their tracks. Virgil also stopped, looking around quickly to see if everyone was okay, if no one had been hit by the shot just launched. No, no one seemed to be hurt. So why were they all screaming worse than before?

The GDF guards, camouflaged in green, entered quickly, who surrounded in a moment the shooter, who protected the customers by positioning in front of them, who took care of possible wounds, fortunately mild. Colonel Casey appeared in all her mastery as always: chest out, chin high, sharp and deep look, hands always behind her back.

"Santiago Lopez, you’re under arrest for the murder of your wife and her lover. Anything you say will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney." The colonel turned to the shooter as another guard carried his hands behind his back, handcuffing him. Lopez resisted the arrest, hurling insults to left and right and calling in unpleasant ways his now deceased wife, eventually giving in and being escorted out by the guards, all this not before turning a deadly look at the Colonel, who in responde turned to turned to look at Virgil, her look visibly softer. "What are you doing here? Didn’t your father say you should stay and wait near your Thunderbird?" She let out her right hand to Virgil, for him to take it, a sort of salutation valid for all the brothers. Although they were worth a lot more to her than that type of salute.

Virgil turned completely to the Colonel, having been turned to the side until then; he extended his hand in turn, only to realize that something was wrong. His hand had remained along his hips. Not even his arm had moved. Virgil ignored the exclamation of surprise -or perhaps of terror? - of his godmother, looking at his right shoulder and immediately understanding the source of the problem.

There was a small hole, made bigger by the blood, going through his shoulder from side to side, even through his exo-suit, and a giant pool of blood forming quickly on the ground.

"I don’t understand..." Virgil began, and then suddenly felt dizzy, symptom of too much blood loss.

"Stay still, try to move as little as possible. How did you not notice?" He found the colonel’s hands around the gunshot wound, pressing to prevent further blood from escaping. Meanwhile his communicator sounded again.

Casey looked at Virgil’s failure to respond, noting that he was beginning to pass out. She came down with him on the cold floor, his head on her lap and her hands pressing on his wound, helped by a shirt found on the ground. She muttered some curses under her breath and then responded to Virgil’s communicator who kept on echoing, looking with her peripheral vision at the guards who were taking the now handcuffed shooter out of the hotel. The hologram of a concerned Scott appeared as a flash.

"Colonel Casey! Don't tell me Virgil is there?" Scott asked somewhere between the concerned and the nervous.

"Well..." she replied, lowering her eyes to her hands smeared with Virgil’s blood.

"Why did he have to disobey Dad’s orders?!" The eldest exclaimed, to then start talking again after a deep breath. "At least let him be okay."

"I’m sorry to say it, but not exactly."

"What the fuck happened to him?" Gordon’s voice overlayed Scott’s undivided voice, a sign that he was also close by. "Scott, we’re done with the claw." Then a serious Gordon appeared in the hologram. "Can we come in Colonel?"

"You have to! Hurry." Virgil was starting to get pale and cold. While waiting for the eldest and the youngest of the family, Casey’s mind was filled with thousands of questions, many with answers.

It was more than normal for Virgil to put the needs of others before his own, and it was not so much for the work he did as for his own character. That’s who he was. Virgil Tracy was the type to disobey orders, not sit around, be impatient. But he was also the type to sacrifice for others, especially his brothers. He knew he was going to get in danger inside that hotel but he still entered anyway. His motto might have been "I would sacrifice for you." But that wasn’t Virgil’s motto. No.

Scott was the first to enter, as usual; Scott was the first in all. Gordon followed him, but he was a bit slower, perhaps out of fear of the scene he would find himself in front of, perhaps out of fear of not being able to do anything for his older brother. They both gasped in seeing his brother in a pool of blood, of his own blood, while the Colonel stubbornly tried to stop the blood with a now-soaked shirt.

Scott, however, said nothing; he only knelt, inspecting first his wrist for the heartbeat. It was weak. "He lost too much..." he murmured to himself. He lightly touched Virgil’s cheek; his eyes opened slowly, black and abysmal. "Hey, Virgil. You in there, little brother?"

Virgil didn’t answer, but he blinked a couple of times. Lifeless. He wasn’t even looking at him.

Another day, another rescue.

#Thunderbirds Are Go #thunderbirds are go fanfic #Virgil Tracy #with a dash of #Scott Tracy #Alan Tracy #Colonel Casey #and other OC's sprinkled there #FabFiveFeb2021 #FabFiveFeb #hhohohoohohohohoho more is gonna come #u don't even imagine hohohoho #lou knows A OOOOOOT about this #Lou knows everything tbh #Nelle knows too #also I used a technique I saw on a website #it's called circle ending or something #where the final events reunite with the ones on the start #maybe I got everything wrong but duhhhhhhhhhh #I liked writing this way tbh #this WIP has been sitting way too long in my folder

[quornesha]

The Letter J Prophecy And Symbolism

The Following Channel is from higher powers, Divine, the ancestral plane and is prophetic through Quornesha S. Lemon| Whether the letter J/j appears in dreams, visions, waking life or synchronicities, it is a sign and message that you are a person whose intuitive and it will be hard for you to have a large circle of friends. It is because you are being forewarned not to trust too many people. Yes, you will need to open your heart as you choose. Don’t be fooled by others who demand that you love in any way. It is up to you as even a closed heart or mind is your choice. And don’t discount yourself, sometimes what others perceive as you being closed minded is your freedom of choice to choose what is right for you. The Letter J foretells that you are a strong leader. You know who to deal with and who not to associate yourself with. The letter J says, that you’re able to love others as you see necessary. It is not necessary to come from a place of hate. And just because you love others it doesn’t mean you allow others to use you or be a doormat for them to walk all over. The letter J means that you’ve been through a lot in this lifetime. It is time to surrender all of your pain and let go. With the letter J being the 10th letter of the alphabet it is further confirmation that it is time to start again. So, if you have given up on a dream or a goal, it is time to put your fighting spirit to work. Don’t allow people in your close vicinity if you know that they will drain your energy. The lower case letter j is a reminder that someone isn’t being true to you. And it is your responsibility to filter the things you tell others. Watch your back, be careful and keep your inner most fears to yourself in the setting of others who don’t have your best interest at heart. It’s up to you to identify them. The Letter J is a also a positive reminder for you to stay put for now, if you’re thinking of moving hold on just a little bit longer. Your ideal home is forthcoming. But keep manifesting and looking as miracles, financially and home wise is on it’s way. J is also the alphabet of stability. So, be prepared for prosperous times. As this letter will lead you to anchoring outcomes. People with first names that begin with J, have some mental instability to overcome. Fortunately it’s the opposite for those with Middle names that begin with the letter J. Pay close attention to your dreams, as prophecies will start to come through. As this letter reminds that you will overcome your biggest obstacles if you forge ahead. And it is perfectly ok to seek the help of an experienced professional to decode them. ASE!

Donate:

This message isn't, obviously resonant with all whose paths it crosses, as perhaps you may come into contact with someone of this vernacular, mastery or skill. Therefore, it is a sign from the universe that you're meant to work with such a person. If this is not you, then it is time to get clear to rejoin your tribe or the rest of the world of infinite beings. It's time to bring your light to the forefront. However, if you aren't able to invoke, heal or otherwise on your own, call on the assistance of shamans, healers, intuitive people, etc. to assist you. This synchronicity can possibly have specific meanings for you, it's time to get insight.

The Gift that Quornesha Has can never be duplicated, She is a Shaman, Writer, Healer, And Teacher with incredible prophetic/healing gifts. Please do not infringe upon her rights as the author. You are not permitted to reuse, nor are you to sale as you wish. This information has been made available to you for the purpose of introduction and demonstration. All rights reserved. If you'd like to use this in a magazine, online publication, or other, please ask for permission first. Legal actions will be taken if you proceed to impose. Be blessed, bless others and be at peace on your journey. What you do is coming back on you. Make sure that it is good and all is well within you, through you and around you. The source sees all and knows what you think it does not.

#letter J #the letter J #symbolism of the letter J #prophecies #prophetess #prophetic #J in dreams and waking life #letter J meaning #J in dreams #the spiritual meaning of the letter J #intuitive #intuitive development #intuition #mysticism #letter J interpretation #interpretation

[fytheuntamed]

I used to see WWX as sunshine incarnated and how it hurt me when I realized that it's mostly just fake and he's really not. I thought he was such a genuine person and when I realized that he hides so much of himself that he's not very genuine at all my heart broke a little and I needed to share my feelings. I still love him though, but it was a huge shock to me that everything I initially fell in love with was actually wrong. I hope this little ramble wasn't a bother.

Hello, anon! First off, you’re not bothering me at all; even if I can’t reply to all of them, I read and appreciate every ask I get. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling a bit disillusioned with WWX; I know some would say he’s just a fictional character, but I think all of us here can attest to the power fictional characters have in impacting the lives of real people. Your ask made me think a lot about who WWX is, so I hope you don’t mind me sharing my own thoughts on the matter! Just a few disclaimers before I get into it: all analysis is based off of drama!WWX, as that is the adaption I know best, so keep this in mind as you read because I know his characterization varies a bit from adaption to adaption. WWX also happens to be my favorite character from the show, so this could will get long :’) I’m also going to continue on with the assumption that you’ve seen the show in its entirety!

I think one of the most important things to understand about people, fictional or real, is that we, like ogres, have layers. This is just what happens when you exist in a world where different settings with different people bring out different sides of us as dictated by societal norms. Does this make someone fake? I would say no, mainly because I think there’s a difference between acting “fake” and being fake. Anytime I speak on the phone with a stranger I automatically assume my “telephone voice,” which sounds quite different from my talking-with-friends-and-family-voice. I don’t leave such phone calls thinking to myself, “wow, I’m such a fake,” because I know that when speaking with strangers, being more polite than I would be around close friends and family is respectful. I think what it comes down to for me is, regardless of how I am presenting myself, am I staying true to my beliefs and values? This is why I think WWX is in fact very genuine, and I would also argue that it is his genuine nature (once revealed) that attracts LWJ to WWX.

Returning to the idea of people having layers, we must recognize that people are not static; we are constantly reacting to our settings and thus our moods fluctuate accordingly. WWX is sunshine incarnate, but he is also someone who has suffered a great deal over the course of his life. To expect him to smile no matter what is a cruel burden to impose on him, and I believe it is a burden he feels in canon. Because both Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu impress upon WWX that he must keep Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng safe, that they are the priority, WWX feels compelled to smile and put on a strong facade so that he doesn’t crumble and fall apart, thus “failing” his adoptive parents and siblings. So while these smiles may simply be masks to hide his pain, thus not “real” smiles, they do not make WWX himself fake, but rather (imo) reinforce his genuine nature because his motives are genuine, even if his smiles may not always be.

There are also times when he smiles and acts extremely cocky in front of others, only for this facade to immediately fall away the moment he is alone/out of the public eye. One of my favorite examples of this is in episode 26 when he questions Jin Zixun about the whereabouts of Wen Ning. The entire time he is there, he exudes a cocky disregard for formality and the established hierarchy, even going so far as to say, “If I, Wei Wuxian, want to kill someone, who can stop me? Who would dare to stop me?!” Once he has the information he needs and turns to leave, however, we immediately see the cockiness fall from his face to be replaced by one of...remorse? I’ll let you guys decide for yourselves.

[gif credit]

I think it is worth noting that his facade fades once he looks at LWJ, because LWJ is one of the few people at this point in time who WWX respects, and whose opinion of WWX still holds value to WWX. And so again we see that WWX’s outward behavior does not seem to align with his inner feelings. Look at the situation that WWX is in, though. He is just one man, albeit a powerful one, going against the biggest, most powerful clans. If he shows an ounce of weakness, they’ll eat him alive. And so in order to stay true to his beliefs, WWX puts on a show. In episode 25 we also see WWX put on a show of shooting many arrows simultaneously while blindfolded. @cal3ris made an excellent post on here stating that WWX was not just doing this to show off, but that he was ensuring the temporary safety of the Wen prisoners by pulling off such a feat so as to ensure no other cultivator would attempt the challenge after him. In situations such as this one, it works in WWX’s favor that the vast majority of the cultivation world believes him to be nothing but a showoff with a big mouth. And of course, there is a part of WWX that does enjoy being in the spotlight! Especially if someone he wants to impress is watching~

At the beginning of the Gusu days flashback (ep 3), we see WWX before everything goes to hell. He’s constantly smiling, goofing around, and is a genuine gremlin of a lad. This is real! He’s a teenager in the flush of his youth, he’s with his beloved siblings, he’s smart and talented, the list goes on and on. For people who don’t know WWX, he comes off as a shallow person with no real depth who thinks of nothing but goofing around all day. For those who know WWX intimately, like Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng (though he’s less vocal about it), they know this is not the case. The point is, WWX doesn’t care what people think about him. He doesn’t care because he knows who he is and what he stands for. This is a huge part of who WWX is as a person: “I don’t care if they slander me, as long as I have a clear conscience.” It is also one of the defining things that connect Wangxian to one another, which brings me to the point of LWJ being someone whom WWX hates to deceive, because he greatly values LWJ’s good opinion of him. We see how much it pains WWX to put distance between himself and LWJ, but we also see that WWX is willing to do so if he believes it is for the best. In episode 20, after being reunited with Jiang Cheng and LWJ, we see WWX purposefully push LWJ away with cold precision. Once more he plays his role with practiced ease, but we see his mask fall as he watches LWJ walk away.

WWX goes from this:

[gif credit]

to this as soon as LWJ isn’t looking at him:

[gif credit]

Having just returned from the Burial Mounds, WWX is very unstable, both physically and mentally. For the past months that he’s spent in the Burial Mounds, survival has been his priority. We see this instability and the signs of PTSD manifest quite a bit throughout the Sunshot episodes. In episode 20 Jiang Cheng hugs WWX, who honestly seems at a loss as to how to respond. In episode 20 we see LWJ step towards WWX, who immediately steps back. We also see WWX shrink away from Nie Huaisang’s touch. This is incredibly telling because WWX is someone who likes physical touch and proximity. He’s constantly putting his arms around Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang and constantly puts himself in LWJ’s personal space (much to LWJ’s initial chagrin). I believe WWX’s behavior post Burial Mounds comes from a desire to protect himself from those around him as well as those around him from himself. [apt gifset here] Nothing about this WWX is fake to me. He is acting differently here because he is different. Trauma does not define a person, but it does change a person. Post Burial Mounds WWX is a different person, but he has not lost what makes him him, which is his strong commitment to his beliefs and morals. For WWX during this time, I don’t believe he has the emotional strength to relive his trauma to those closest to him, so he settles for brushing them off with excuses and yes, fake smiles. This also ties into WWX’s habit of internalizing his own struggles so as not to burden those around him. Hopefully at this point a clear pattern has revealed itself: no matter how WWX presents himself on the outside, he never compromises his beliefs.

After being resurrected in Mo Xuanyu’s body, we see a WWX who is far more reminiscent of the carefree teenager back in Gusu. We see WWX slowly heal from the traumas of his past life and we see him begin to smile again, not because he needs to, but because he can’t help it. We might be tempted to look at this WWX and think, “ah, this is the real him,” but I think this does a disservice to the complexity of his character. The point is, it’s all WWX. The pranks, the smiles that crinkle the corners of his eyes, the creativity, the cockiness, the way his laughter bursts out of his body at times and at other times comes out like a sigh or an afterthought, the way he looks out for the juniors, and both his quiet and loud rage are all what makes him who he is. Certain aspects may be muted at times, but that’s to be expected. WWX is by no means perfect, but I would say he is painfully genuine. Just think, would LWJ feel so strongly about him if he weren’t?

As I feared, this got way too long and I probably rambled and repeated myself and got off track, but it’s fine…..

#the untamed #wwx #wei wuxian #wei ying #ask #anon #Anonymous #does this count as meta? pretty sure it's just me blabbing about how valid wwx is lmao #also DUDE why is tumblr putting the read more in the ask and not where i want it???

[route22ny]

Every parent has warily confronted the hypothetical question: What would you do if you suspected your child was unwell?

Not physically, but emotionally unwell, or mentally unstable? Imagine learning your teenager, for example, had been yelling demeaning slurs at the girls in his class, harassing them and calling them names.

And that he’d been secretly using his social media accounts to go on late-night rants against perceived enemies, attacking their looks, and again, calling them names in unending, seething, rambling posts.

Or that he’d been increasingly susceptible to bizarre and otherwise implausible conspiracy theories, and was spreading them unprompted to anyone who would listen.

Presumably, you’d be very, very concerned. These aren’t normal behaviors, nor are they signs of a well-adjusted, healthy and happy person. They are, rather, signs of a person who has lost the ability to manage their emotions.

If this were your child, you’d intervene as quickly as you could, getting them the help they clearly needed.

Likewise, if this were your friend, you might suggest they see a therapist to work through some of their anger issues. If this were your coworker, you’d probably alert someone in human resources.

And what if this were the president of the United States?

Not only are these behaviors the norm for President Trump, but they seem to have worsened at one of the most precarious and critical times for our country, as we face a global pandemic that has killed more than 70,000 Americans.

Less than two weeks after unimaginably suggesting injecting disinfectants might help kill off the coronavirus, the past few days have seen him spiral out of control, proving utterly incapable of staying focused on the biggest crisis a president can face. Instead, he has:

Spread unfounded conspiracy theories about the origins of the coronavirus, about former President Barack Obama and about an MSNBC cable-news host;

Made statements that can only be described as delusional, like comparing himself to Abraham Lincoln, inventing a non-existent letter of apology from Joe Biden, and spewing non-science about his favorite drug, hydroxychloroquine;

Attacked two female reporters for doing their jobs, lamenting that they didn’t behave like “Donna Reed,” an actress synonymous with the gender role-abiding, kitchen-dwelling 1950s housewife she played on television more than 60 years ago;

Attacked another female cable-news host, calling her a “3rd rate lapdog”;

And in the middle of the night on Tuesday, at 12:45 a.m., gone on a 234-word rant on Twitter, complaining about an ad released by a Republican anti-Trump group whose leaders include George Conway, husband of his staffer Kellyanne, in which he used words like “deranged loser of a husband,” and “Moonface” to describe him.

It’s a frightening commentary on the slow normalization of this completely abnormal behavior that we can greet the undeniable deterioration of the president of the United States with mere shrugs. And the only concerns from his inner circle seem not to be about the mental instability itself, but the political ramifications of it being exposed in daily press briefings.

***

#trump is insane #america is broken #covid-19 pandemic #the emperor is naked #general strike soon

[malgal7777]

Hiking with Tracy 2021:  Put it on the board...YES!

I did it!!!!   Woo-Hoo!  I walked 100 miles - almost in the whole month of April.  Since the last weekend of April was a bit of a snow bust, I had to finish my 100 miles this past weekend 5/1-5/2!  And what a way to finish...

I was feeling defeated last week when I wasn’t able to complete the 100 miles up in Tahoe.  I ended up being 17 miles short!  Can you believe that?  17 miles!! And I have a friend, let’s just call him “Barry” who was going to give me the whole $1000 if I was able to do it.  So I really felt down knowing I had blown it.  Blown all that training and blown it for the Ride4Reason fundraiser.  But “Barry” said hey, finish it up this weekend and you’re still in the running.  So I went back to the drawing board to find another route that would push me over the finish line.  But it was Bob who suggested I hike San Francisco.  AND, if I hiked SF, he would be encouraged to join me.  Bob’s a city slicker.  If he goes too far from being able to purchase a newspaper out of a metal box, he gets hives.  So, we mapped out a 10-12 mile route (I had to go easy on the guy) starting from the Ferry Building and walking the circumference of the SF peninsula to Ocean Beach.  It was FAN-TAS-TIC!  WOW.  Just WOW. 

We started at Justin Herman Plaza and since it was May Day we were hoping to find a rally or march happening.  And in perfect SF fashion, we were not disappointed!  Sure enough a large rally was gearing up to head down Market.  I’m going to assume the march was for workers rights, but it was actually unclear to us what their message was.  Not a good sign for a march/rally!

This first stretch of The Embarcadero was a bit sad.  Covid and the lockdowns have definitely taken their toll.  I know it was early and a weekend, but a lot of these businesses are still shuttered and closed.  And there’s a couple of homeless encampments taking over the street car kiosks.  The homeless.  Sooner or later I have to go there.  I can spout my love for California all I want, but it’s California’s biggest shame.  It’s no longer a skeleton in the closet, it’s all out in the open for all to see.  And I have no answer for it.  It’s always been here, since I’ve been here.  And it definitely has gotten A LOT worse within the past 10 years.  And it’s not just one issue, it’s the perfect storm of multiple issues coming together:  not enough affordable housing;  not enough livable wages; mental instability; drug addiction; nomad living lifestyle - yes that’s a thing.  I don’t think California is doing nothing.  There’s just too many people.  And you can’t just throw them in jail or put them onto a bus to make someone else’s problem - like other regional areas have done, there has to be some compassion and humanity.  But these encampments are not humane.  They are breeding grounds for disease and despair.  What does that say about you as you walk on by?  Trying to ignore the garbage and filth these people are living amongst.  But I have no answer.  I don’t even know where to begin to help these people.  So for the time being, I’m going to continue to stick my head in the sand and hope that California will rise to the challenge and find some solution, sooner rather than later. 

The Embarcadero curves around and leads you to the touristy part of the city...Fisherman’s Wharf.  I personally hate this part of town.  It’s just too much:  too many people; too many lame chain restaurants;  too many cheesy chotchkie stores.  My parents on the other hand love it.  When they come to town all they want to do is come to Pier 39 and Alcatraz.  My dad would live on Alcatraz if he could.  One of these days I just may lock him in one of the cells.  Today though, things were different.  I loved seeing that Alcatraz tours are once again up & running.  AND not a lot of people yet...wink wink wink...for those of you who've tried to go but weren’t able to get a reservation.  It was early, so the area was just coming alive. The street vendors setting up their wares or street performers getting into character. Then there’s the abundance of colors of all the flashy stores and restaurants.  The sounds of the sea lions barking at the tourists watching them.  The marina with the famous “Rocket Boat!”  I was digging it.  Fisherman’s Wharf also has some great views of Alcatraz and the Golden Gate Bridge.  It wasn’t so horrible.  Bob showed me Scoma’s restaurant, a tiny seafood restaurant that’s been here for years and is supposed to be pretty darn good.  There’s even a chapel for the local fishermen.  Then of course there’s Musee Mecanique.  A museum of antique slot machines, animations, coin operated pianos and the like.  It’s pretty cool and I believe most of the games are still functioning, so you can play.  Unfortunately it is also closed because of the pandemic.  You can donate to help keep it open though.  Just go to https://museemecanique.com.  

Then we hit Aquatic Park. An interesting cove at the West end of Fisherman’s Wharf.  This is where crazy people swim in the freezing waters of the bay, most without wet suits.  On this cold, windy morning we found a group of children being taught how to acclimate their bodies to the water so they can grow up to be crazy people.  Horrible way to spend a Saturday if you ask me!  

We continued to go around Aquatic Park and up and around to Fort Mason. There’s a great trail that we’ve never taken that gives you an even better view of the GG bridge and Fort Mason below.  And once you get on the other side, you’re in local land of OZ!  Where the curtain is pulled back and the locals are enjoying the real SF.  Now for those tourists who spend their whole time at Fisherman’s Wharf and The Embarcadero, more power to you.  Just don’t say you’ve been to San Francisco.  Because you haven’t.  Once you get over the hump, one of my favorite scenes of SF...the buildings.  Squat, square homes of multiple pastel colors rolling like waves along the hills of San Francisco.  In other areas of the city, the hills are rolling with colorful victorians.  The colors are what I love best about San Francisco.  

It was here that I realized I was hiking with Cher.  We had to make yet another stop so Bob could make a wardrobe change.  It’s also kind of a production with him narrating what he’s doing.  I got to hear all about the ins and outs of why he rolls his flannel rather than fold.  Why he’ll wait to take off the thermal leggings.   Where to put his first UO sticker. Yada, Yada, Yada.  Good thing he’s pretty cute.  As he was changing, we noticed a statue of an older man in a suit but no plaque telling visitors who he is.  I thought he looked like Rodney Dangerfield.  But why would anyone put up a statue of Rodney Dangerfield in SF?  That would be the ultimate “no respect” though, a statue but no plaque.  Ends up it’s a guy named Phil Burton.  He was a US Congressman from California who is responsible for 87,000 acres of the SF Bay Area being designated as a National Park. I was basically ending my hike in a National Park thanks to this man.  He deserves a plaque god damnit!

So once you pass Fort Mason, you are now in the Marina district.  It’s where Cal Berkeley students go after they graduate. They mutate here on the hollowed grounds of Crissy Field.  Like yuppy gremlins. Working out or drinking Philz Coffee.  The homes along Crissy Field are gorgeous. Huge picture windows with a front row seat to the Golden Gate Bridge.  Each one is architecturally different and once again, the colors!  Beautiful. The only downside was the wind.  It was pretty darn windy along this stretch.  But Bob had his windbreaker and I had my knit cap.  I can endure the wind if I have my ears covered. 

It’s a long stretch from Crissy Field to the Presidio.  The old barracks of the Presidio on one side and the entrance of the Bay on the other.  The GG Bridge is the main attraction here.  It’s majestic. Great time to get over there.  Parking was plenty and not a bad way to have a picnic. There’s a climbing gym, a trampoline park and under the bridge is Fort Point.  I have been here before, took my parents.  I was able to slyly divert their attention from the bells and whistles of Fisherman’s Wharf with the chance to view history!  They are suckers for historical buildings.  And Fort Point is a National Historical Site.  It was built during the Civil War in 1861.  It’s been awhile so I don’t remember too many of the details, but definitely worth a visit.  

Now we began our assent to the Jewel of this hike...The Golden Gate Bridge.  It’s a National Icon and San Francisco’s mascot.  As you climb the hill and get closer to the bridge there are a bunch of tunnels and “hide outs” along the way.  Remnants of the military presence that once dominated San Francisco.  But the absolutely coolest thing about this hike was I had NO IDEA you can actually walk underneath the bridge itself...like right below the huge steel red frame!!  It’s literally a wind tunnel, so hold onto your hat!  But super duper cool!!  If you have any engineers or construction people in your circle, this would be a great spot to bring them.  

As you continue around the bend, you come to Baker’s Beach.  Not sure if it’s still a nude beach, but it used to be.  The unfortunate thing about nude beaches is the people who SHOULDN’T be nude are the first ones to get into their birthday suit. But that’s my problem, not theirs!  Some nice trails along this stretch, but nothing too exciting to report.

We soon came upon the neighborhood Sea Cliff.  Now this is where the really rich people live.  Like Robin Williams had a home here;  Nancy Pelosi I think lives here.  Mansions with a view of the Pacific.  Bob & I had to walk through right?  I am happy to report the other half live very well.  I stopped to smell the roses (literally) but I noticed that all the gardens actually smelled horrible.  The fertilizer was strong here.  Bob & I laughed that that was how they kept the riff-raff away, by surrounding their homes with a shit moat.  Worked for us!  We high tailed it out of there.  

Now we came to our last stretch...Land’s End.  A labyrinth of trails along the coastal edge.  We needed to stop for another wardrobe change.  This time his leggings were going back on.  Which meant he needed to get down to his underwear.  Let’s just say a whole group of people got a little more than they were expecting that day!

Finally we made it to Sutro Baths and the Cliff House!  Fantastic!  Unfortunately the Cliff House closed due to the pandemic and is not reopening.  I cannot imagine this space will be closed for long.  Fingers crossed.  We decided to head down to Ocean Beach and end our hike by having lunch at the Park Chalet.  We were both famished and Bob was getting cranky.  Needed to feed him STAT.  I have more to report here but Bob might get mad at me, so if you see him again, just ask him about our new friend Franklin!  

BTW, Sunday I did my final 4-5 miles back at my MacArthur Trail.  I brought Stella this time and she loved it.  It was as fabulous as ever!

I’m still going to hike y’all and write about it.  So check in to see where I go next.  I enjoyed writing my thoughts and feelings down.  Even if nobody reads it, it’s my journal to this wonderful life I’ve been blessed with.  Why not tell the world!

Thank You to all who have donated to the Ride4Reason fundraiser and have endured reading these ramblings.  But, That’s All Folks!  (for now).  xoxox

[onisiondrama]

Wow ok lots of new videos today. He’s still uploading. I’ll do the summaries in parts.

PART 1 - Videos #0 - #2

don’t watch

- Attempt at comedic video game commentary

hey

- Everyone told him not to respond to recent drama. He used to always respond. Taking other people’s advice has been the worst for him. - He talked to Tobuscus about how he was accused of a horrible crime. Tobuscus went silent because everyone told him to and it didn’t go well for him. He was canceled until Greg talked to him and told him to defend himself. He did and he prevailed. - If you don’t hear both sides of a story you shouldn’t have an opinion. - He thinks he broke records about how many people hate him on Youtube. - He stayed silent because people he cares about told him to, but things are getting worse so it’s time he tells us what happened in the coming videos. - Shiloh: He called the police on her when she said she was going to kill herself and make it look like he did it. This is the second time he called the police on her. First time she said he was being abusive. He says he wanted to be alone and locked himself in a room and she started body slamming herself against the door. He says this is all documented in his old videos, Shiloh body slamming the door and him calling the cops to prove he’s not abusive. - Another ex of Shiloh’s made a video and said she did the same thing to him, but he ended up going to jail. Allegedly when he went in front of a judge they found a text from Shiloh talking about how she plotted to pin someone down for abuse. -He said it’s not his responsibility to look all this up. It’s up to us to look at all the videos and confirm it ourselves. (lol what ??) Says he doesn’t want to make a docuseries about his exes because he dumped them for a reason. - Shiloh started a gofundme. (he doesn’t finish this thought) - She’s been diagnosed with severe stuff. Guesses she has BPD or is a pathological liar. Says she was taken into custody by the police and put in a medical facility and the officer told him to escape because evicting her would take too long. He went to LA. While he was going she called and asked where he was. She said an alleged gang she was in was sending people after him. He was scared and made youtube videos about it. - Says she lied about someone that was training her knocking her out and that person said it didn’t happen. Says she told him she has a split personality named Aliana. Aliana told him she existed to protect him. - Says she told him they were soulmates and they were chosen for something supernatural. He fell for it. - He left Skye. She originally agreed to $12,000 a year to help her survive. Six months before she said she wanted half of his stuff if they divorce and he said that’s why he wanted a prenup. When he asked her for one she cried so he didn’t go through with it. Says now we know why she cried. - She pursued him in court. She said she was under duress when the original agreement was made but he says that made no sense because she made her own terms. She then pursued him for $250,000 and he settled for $90,000 because he was afraid she was going to try to claim his channels. That sucks because they both spent tens of thousands on lawyers when they could have handle it out of court. She decided to burn that bridge. - He left Skye for Shiloh. He doesn't think he lied about that before, but he doesn’t remember and might have felt differently back then. The biggest reason he left Skye was Shiloh. She made him feel like his life had more meaning and was amazing. He felt intoxicated by her. They had an amazing love life, passionate interactions, she was so talented and funny. Says the next video will be about Shiloh too.

ok

- One of the pathological lies he had to endure during his relationship with Shiloh was she faked an accident the moment they met. She said she was going with another Canadian artist to an event and got into a car accident on their way back. He said he talked about this in his song “Her Lies”, a music video he dedicated to how many times she lied. - Says she cheated on him and got pregnant with someone else’s baby. He found out through Facebook. Says her story was she went back to Canada because she had free medical care there and had a dead 6 week old miscarriage allegedly going on inside her body. He says he said allegedly because he didn’t know what to believe in that relationship. When you find out someone was collecting money from you while cheating on you, what in that relationship was real?  - People don’t remember how Shiloh was because they have short memories. Back in the day his audience begged him to leave her. He left her 7 out of the 8 times they broke up. There was so much instability.  - He says she tried to shame him and manipulate him into dating her again by saying she was going to end her life once after a break up. She walked off with a suitcase and he let her go because he couldn’t stop her. He video taped himself crying when she was gone. He says deep down he thinks he did that because he wanted people to know where he was when she was doing that. He was so overwhelmed emotionally and couldn't do anything but freeze. He says there’s a clip of him crying out there while she walks off. At that point you just want that person to leave you alone. She came back with a little branch on her shoulder. She would do a thing where she would be in a mood and would go somewhere else. Says she told him she tried to hang herself but the branch snapped. He said he said he was glad she was alive, but there was no rope mark. - When she faked the car accident she used makeup on her forehead. He asked her about it and she said “it hurts so bad” and showed him her forehead, but she didn’t want to see a medical professional. It was magically healed in couple days when he asked about it. He was saying “wow it healed so fast” and didn’t even think he was being lied to. He wasn’t used to being lied to. - Says Skye didn’t lie to him much other than her saying she loved him. He doubts she ever loved him. When you cry when someone asks for a prenup, it says you’re only interested in someone for their assets. A prenup says it’s about love, not about all the stuff we have. Sounds like she was crying about the stuff. Some people perceive it as she was crying because she thought he was doubting the relationship. Says he could see where they are coming from, but that’s not what he was doing. He was disturbed by the crying. Obviously he was right because she tried to take him for a quarter million. Says he wasn’t well off, he was making $12,000, but Youtube is inconsistent so he didn’t want to shell out a lot of cash. Says he might not make enough to keep paying her $6,000 a month. Payed her six years of alimony, so a full grown adult can have financial assistance from him. When it was over she decided to publicly lash out at him. - Shiloh decided to reach out to Kai a couple times. Kai did not appreciate that. - Shiloh said their relationship was like an Adele song, if they split up she would show up at his doorstep, even if he was moved on with another person because that’s how much she loved him. When they would break up or discuss their relationship she would tell him no one will love you as much as I do. - There’s a video circulating around where you can hear him trolling the internet in the background. He was totally shook when this video popped up because he didn’t remember it. They did a prank where he walked in on her in the shower with a go pro. There was another prank where they pretended to go through a drive thru but no one was on the other side of the call. There was one on her channel where he said mean things to her. He says at the time people liked the video because they understood the joke, but now people want to use it as a sign that something crazy was going on. - The only reason she broke up with him was because he looked at hentai and she was a jealous person and it was a threat to her. As a result he got “remember love” tattoo on his wrists. Says we might remember someone asking someone to get a tattoo. Says that was rooted in his subconscious because he did it himself [hold up tattoos], got a tattoo so someone in Canada would take him back. Remember love means to be a good person. - When Shiloh miscarried in Canada, she said she had sepsis, but he questions if she had it because you normally die if you have it.He believed it at the time when she told him. He made a video announcing her sepsis and people yelled at him.  - When she went back she told him she needed rent money until she could get a passport. He talked to her uncle over the phone and he said she was full of it and she didn’t lose her passport. He says he made a sketch about that. - Finds out she’s publicly talking to a guy on facebook and he talked about making love to her and she would says she loved him. He says it’s ironic because he just made a music video about having sex with someone’s girlfriend. Says he was thinking it would be ironic if she was cheating on him while he made the video. Says she liked the video, guesses she was amused by it. She would pick up the money he sent her with the guy she was cheating with. - Says he heard the baby she had with this guy “didn’t go on living”. He says doesn’t know what happened, but someone told him it was a stillborn or SIDS. Says no one should be making video titles or making money off that. Says if she went through that he’s sorry. - Says Shiloh walked down the road and layed on the cement. The fire department dropped her off at his house. He says the fire department was weirded out by her pretending to be whatever on the side of the road. -She fake a seizure and memory loss and her uncle laughed at him for thinking it was real. She faked going back in time, reverting her age. He says it was her idea to post the seizure video because he told her either he can work on another video that night or he couple post it as education on mental disorders. He didn’t take it too seriously as a medical emergency because she already had previous episodes. Says she magically popped up and snapped out of it one time during one of these episodes when he said he was going to call an ambulance. - He was on the phone with his mom and aunt when she threatened to end her life and made it look like he did it. He called the police and filmed it. Says she once wrapped her arms around him and told him to hit her. -He giggled nervously and didn’t know what to do. -Said he’ll continue this in the next video.

(Pretty convenient he keeps stopping these videos after he hits the 10 minute mark even though the videos are not distinct different subjects and he’s filming them back to back.)