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goddessjynx · 3 years

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Any parent please answer?

Idk if anyone will see this, but right now I need just anyone to tell me I'm not crazy.

Am I a bad friend for wanting to hang out with my ex-bestie (eb for short) while she has her kids or she's busy and can't hang, so I offer to come over, to help watch, to help clean? Anything just to be there for her, why? Oh because she was on her third child, at this time I literally went over to her house to play dnd with her husband and brother and her sometimes. So I would try and say "hi" or talk, but instead we stayed doing something else or barely said hi. Ok, fine, hormones, got it. It got to the point of she wouldn't want to hang out with me for reasons she stopped telling me decent sounding excuses. Fine, That's fine, I have other friends who I can hang with or find other things to stay inside and not get out of the house to do. I don't need to leave the house, to get away from the suffocating inside the house with a mentally and verbally abusive, controlling husband. That's. Just. Fine.

So you know, time goes on. we find out that the reason she won't hang out with me, but will hang out with the other girl who she hates (Mind you the other chick literally broke into their house, tried to start drama all the time, and be hazardous to her already two children But who am I to judge about the person you rant to me about how you hate them so much?) But the other chick was also pregnant after divorcing her wife. It's honestly such a mess. So "anyways, I get excluded now because I "Don't understand what she's going through" or "I won't have the same experience" or I'm "not a good source of help" Lol, Okay? I still can't help? Be happy for you? Cool. So things go on, and just things have gotten worse on my end. I'm over here with such a mind debilitating baby fever, that I'm having to pull my car over watching children get off the school bus because I'm in such a crying fit that I can't breathe or see straight. So who the hell would I go to about what do I do? My Bestie right? (There's a reason we are eb rn) I tell her, well try, Idk how much she actually listened. But I tell her how I just can't think about anything else right now. I did everything right, and the world keeps slapping me back.

I own a 4 bedroom house. we have two cars, we even have decently everything working out in our favor, But all of a sudden, I'm not good enough for anyone. My own husband two months after getting married said he hasn't found me attractive for the last two years. THAnks. That's a real boost. This didn't start the fights, but that's a whole other set of rants. about a year before my eb got pregnant, around or right before July 4th, I strictly remember, I was in the walmart fucking bathroom. I had felt so sick the weeks beforehand. Like, My menstrual cycle hates me. She's savage af. Not to mention she likes to disappear randomly and appear with just cramps or a whole flood. I never know. But I remember calling my husband in a panic because I don't know what to do while I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt, and all I have is half dollar sized clots. Just something my medical brain, and senior year of AP biology says, "Fuck!" I have him figure something out because I'm really needing someone to just hold me in the bathroom I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm dizzy and all these symptoms I tell him to tell the doctor or whoever he calls.. So he calls, they say whatever to him. I don't either remember or he never told me what they said, (this is a normal of hiding information from me, A LOT) They said (What he told me) to just wipe things up and clean up then if it persists in the next 24 hours to go into the hospital. But I will have to see an ob-gyn.

So, Okay. Nothing bad. but they are in charge of everything along those lines. But those were including two words, that I now know were the two words this man didn't want to hear despite, DESPITE all the teasing and jokes about having kids with me when I was younger with him and literally just dating. That was because I had to see a family planning doctor. I was told by HIM that it was nothing, and we will be fine. I just blamed it on my cramps that are horrible and never put thought to it because I had believed that's what he was told. So that's a trauma my brain locked away until recently as I'm going through my divorce right now. But, I was thinking about how shortly after that, I got a call from my eb about how they were all waiting on me because I'm making us late for bringing stuff to the grill out and bonfire later. Fine, mask all the pain and keep fucking going. right?

She seemed genuinely not worried, saying it was probably just a bad cycle. She gets them all the time too. Its whatever. My now bestie's sister has gone through the same thing I described multiple times, enough that she looked at me and was like, "No, You possibly miscarried." even her mom went on about, "they should've never NEVER brushed that off like they did. If they cared then they would've made sure you were ok. My husband denied me from going to the doctor to see anything about it. Even after when I knew my hormones and emotions were just soooo off. But that's in my mind now, when before maybe around the same time my eb came out saying to all of us even her own husband one time saying she's been feeling crummy because she went in and she found out she had miscarried. It was so short after my stuff that she disregarded then took and made attention for herself that upset her own husband because she never told him until she told a bunch of us at a bar. I mean I felt bad for her, but Now thinking back, my gut says it was a ploy to make her husband to feel bad for her and to try for another one. Where as I'm over here waiting patiently because I jumped through Hoops to get where I'm at now.

My husband promised me children. Lots, its a fucking dream to be a mum. I care for everyone else, and their kids, why not have some kind of mini me to show of what I did. That I did good. That I can be useful to this world too. That I'm not just a lump of no good nothing to this world. But first, he needed a better paying job than a gas station.

Did that, he worked at a metal parts production place. But we then gave the fact that we still live in the apartment I got after moving out from high school. We rented a house. It worked, and it was nice. But now he needs a car, but he cant do that until he learns how to drive. 3 years older than me and I taught him how to drive. AND I helped him buy his first car, a truck. Oh but now, we still can't start a family. We are only renting. I have enough good credit that I could get a house alone, but I needed a higher pay. Bam with his income together we got a house.

Bam, I'm hit with baby fever and what not. NOW I get told, we aren't ready for anything like that yet, so wait two years. Alright, I'll wait. I can do that. We were going to go on trips together and do many things together and all of a sudden, the walmart thing happened, and it just got worse from there. It got to a point I got a job paying BETTER than him and I was the laughing stock to him and his buddies. THANKS. But I'm fine, everything is fine. The walmart thing was about two years after, so I mean, it was actually in the time frame and whatnot. Things just kept going on getting worse at home, I just kept listening. For reasons, I had to quit my high paying job, and then everything got absolutely horrible at home. Had to put everything I had control over money wise into his account for he worried it would take too long to find an new job and make money to suffice for bills. It was argument after argument, but I went to my eb explaining things, asking what the hell do I do? Her advice? To just do what he wants. The thing I had to quit about? She basically never cared about it. Everything just went on being a mess. I went on just letting people walk over me because that was the advice I was given.

I voiced my feelings that I have been following lies and how I feel hurt that I'm told dreams and having them be taken away. We never went on trips much. Instead we would buy a crap ton of ammo or new guns that I'm not allowed to use, yet I'm helping fund so you can get them, but when it was my own that I BOUGHT, all of a sudden, my things went missing and he would be out using and letting his buddies use my new guns and using up the ammo I had purchased on my own. I mean, fine, but let me at LEAST take yours out if you're going to use mine without asking. It got to be so annoying that we would be asked when we would get married or when we would have kids. He would be hugging me and smiling all cocky saying "Oh well we haven't stopped trying." every time. He would start that tell people this and I finally had enough. I stopped him and told him to put his money where his mouth was. He always said shit but never actually did it or acted on what he said. He would just lie to everyone. Tell people lies because it sounded nice. Best part? I had bought a ring for him. I proposed to him because he would joke about things like that. So I basically said, "bet" and did it. I have never received a damn ring! He wouldn't even want to look at them with me. Because they were expensive. Not all of them are. I don't care what price it is, but something to say, "Hey, I love you and Don't want the odd peeps at the bar to keep hitting on you so take this with you, its dangerous out there." (Shut up. I'm a nerd) But like.... I just would make notions about, I wanted a ring. He would beg me to pool together money and buy new guns, I mean I"m not against, but I would bring up that I will want a ring. Or even something else would be you know, amazing right now because I'm in a lost place wanting kids still and my eb just announced they were having their third. (which her own family was so upset about it that they ranted to me and my mom, her own brother said that its just another kid that they will end up taking care of instead of her so she can go to the bars again. Yep) So next we talked about getting a gun safe because, before we can have kids, we need to be SAFE. Ight, we bought it. Nice matte black 33 capacity, fire and water proof, best part the front had a reallly pretty engraved waving American flag imprinted on it. It was just so smooth. (Guess who has that right now btw) So oddly enough in the middle of me not being enough for my eb, My cycle kind of returned to being semi regular, and all of a sudden disappeared. Well that whole month beforehand we went from never wanting to touch me unless it was my birthday to every night he was angry after work and took it out on me instead. I mean, whatever. But when it came to me not feeling well, I told him.

Instantly it wasn't mine. I was fooling with other guys. Like instant psycho. His childhood friend came and moved up with us, she saw this for a good few months and had to move out because he was trying to control her as if she were a child. She told me that it was not right for him to be that way and that she will never talk to him for how he treated her. (which was exactly how he was always with me too) I'm not sure if he was trying to get my jealous because his bff was a girl? Idk we worked out like literally sisters. Sooo much in common and she told me, She believes he's never wanted kids. And she watched how I broke down after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me until I took a test. He DEMANDED that I took a test right away. If it was positive, it wasn't his until proven so. And if it was negative he would be fine. this was ridiculous. He wasn't at all happy or excited. Purely upset. I felt so shitty that after the test was negative I told him and he threatened about it happening again he was leaving back to Kansas. He threatened this every damn fight, it got to the point that I gave up, I said leave then. And instantly he shut up. I got him out of gangs, crime, jail, living on the street or with his mum, and being a maaajor drug addict. Yet I'M THE BAD PERSON.

Back to recently when my eb is getting closer to having her kid, I just go through finding out I'm not and my husband is freaking out at me, nonstop yelling at me that I'm not good enough and all this shit. Yes, lil ol me trying to keep the peace in the house is a cunt and a whore. Wow. Name calling, but hitting where it hurts? I told him before, how my mother in an argument said I would be a horrible mother. And that shit sticks. IT STICKS. So what does the smart ass pull out? He repeats it. He says he's glad I'm not pregnant because I'd be a horrible mother in the end.

That. That just kills a person. That kills dreams and the feeling of wanting to keep living. Who the FUCK says that to their partner? Am I wrong for thinking that's not right? Well my eb thought I was. I told her my feelings. How I don't want to be jealous of her, but I am. That she's more beautiful, she's always had guys hitting on her in school inviting her to do things and hang out, I was the nerd in whatever class that got invited only if it was mandatory. She will be having three kids and a loving husband that can never take his hands or eyes from her, where as I have to act like a clown to get my husband to look up from his damn phone. To say something nice. To

be acknowledged while in the house. I've left and came back the next morning because I hung out at my now besties house. He didn't say a word until I came home the next morning and he looked at me like "when the fuck did you leave" No care, no love. I was stuck being a burden. Anything I ever did around the house was in vain. Everything I helped with I got shoved away because I didn't do it right. EVERYTHING I did was not good enough. I would tell him this that is how I felt and he would deny it. One day, I caught him yelling at me saying that what I did wasn't ever good enough. Calle him out right away. Bitch... He tried to change the wording to go around what he said. I HEARD IT. it was so bad I had to have my bestie on the phone to listen to how he talked to me behind closed doors. Away from public view. HER MOM HEARD IT. Thought she was watching some kind of dramatic show, until she realized it was me on the phone. She's listened to so many calls its unheard of. There was a day, I had enough of it. (Ok A lot actually) but I grabbed my laptop and my charger and left the house. I sat in the park drawing on my laptop. Texted every person I could think of that I cared so deeply for that they would care for me back. I was in a dark ass place asking for Advice. My eb shrugged off what my husband was doing and scolded me for leaving. For sitting in a park drawing out my feelings instead of being with him because he's being dramatic to her husband upset that I started an argument. I didn't understand what I started when it was over me telling him not to throw the controller when he loses a COD game because that's how it breaks. Why he threw it? Because I distracted him by playing with my cat while he was playing the damn game and made him lose! yep. Exactly that. So I was yelled at to quit. So I did. I went back to my drawing and then with my headphones on I was humming to my music. It distracted him and he lost. So I flipped out because I can't do anything in my own house without being scolded for it. So I stormed off to the bedroom to draw some more. I'm upstairs and away from him. Didn't want to eat now I'm stressed and upset. So I didn't cook anything and now he's hungry and upset at me for not making food yet. YES. That's how it started and I again was the bad person in the story for safely removing myself from an environment where all my mind was telling me to do was dark things that hurt to say. To give up on everything I have worked for and all my dreams.

That was the last time I spoke to her for a while because everything started to be only about baby and about doing this for baby. Doing that for baby. But then she would never answer me back. I was done trying to fit time to hang out. To do something, I made new friends who didn't have kids and hung out more with them. It got horrible. the sound of a child crying made my stomach hurt. I had non stop dreams of the same thing happening. It was just awful. I looked it up and it was just meaning I had something and lost it. Whatever is missing in the dream what what I had lost.

In this dream I was dressed in all black, lace and long dress covering every inch of skin on my body. I had a hat with a veil and I was rocking a bundle in my arms in an old decrepit room with peeling paint and broken toys. It was a nursery. An old ruined nursery. I was rocking just a black blanket swaddled with a hole that emptied to the void. It gives me chills, I get this dream so much that me explaining just makes my skin crawl and my body ache. It hurts to think of but I just cannot understand it. Makes sense now that I looked into it.

But me going through all of this, I can't talk to my husband about my feelings because I'm too needy and being selfish for not taking his feelings into an account. That he's not ready that we are not ready and that I'm not ready because I'm going to be a horrible mom. Cool.

I have tried so much. I couldn't be around kids. It made me so sick and I jus would have to find somewhere to hide and cry for hours. I would cry myself to sleep. Never getting comfort by him because I'm throwing a pity party. I was so hurt. Still am. I'm broken hearted. Thinking that if I had a kid, at least I would have something that needed me and would love the care I gave and would love me back. I wanted to feel loved for how much I put out in the world. I wanted to have something to ground me to this world before I did something stupid. I was in such a dark place that I drove an hour to go see my bestie because I was scared that I was going to do it. That I was going to be the big disappointment he told me I would always be. Three months later, baby is here and I go back to playing dnd with my friends and its at their house. My husband is rubbing it in my face. He's holding baby and talking to baby and doing all these things making my mind break. He asks if I want to hold her. If i if iififififi NO.

I can't I cannot. I'm trying to be respectful. I missed out on other games because I had to hype myself up. I procrastinated because I didn't know how I would be or if I could handle it. I got to the point that my eb's husband told me that he doesn't want me playing anymore because I sent a text trying to apologize to my now eb that I feel so bad but I can't see her right now since seeing her kids just sends me into a panic attack and I can't stop thinking horrible things. So she takes that as I have a problem with HER kids and not just the KIDS situation. Doesn't hear me out. blames me for everything and has me banned from coming over. in which her husband says he doesn't want me over anymore. Which my rebuttal is because she's telling him only. But he said it was his choice. I don't know don't care. It just hurt that THATS the reason I got kicked out. Not because I was good, but that I couldn't handle their kids. And I would not pay attention by drawing the whole time. I was distracting myself because I'm trying to drown out the noises of cooing making my gut rot and my mouth dry. So by all means I'm selfish for wanting a dream that I was being promised for the last 6 years of physically being with my soon to be ex. I've know for actually 12 years. And that I drove 15 hours to bring you to me since you couldn't drive.

So I need to know from real parents, was I out of line for telling my eb that I had feelings and that them not being heard or just cast to the side hurt? Am I crazy for feeling that I've been robbed? For being upset when my husband comes home drunk and abuses me? For being hurt when I'm called all sorts of names and told I'm worthless by the man I should trust the most? Please. I need to know.

I know I'm ranting, but I need to get it out. I need to find some sort of something to figure out why I'm feeling this way, or why I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fighting for the divorce since i haven't been to my owned house in the last 5 months since he changed the locks on me. I moved an hour away from my home and my family and still to this day, I hurt to hear or watch children around me. I'm happy, but inside something aches and just feels empty. Not to mention that I got told by people that know me that he's been caught buying condoms. We are still technically married, and he can't be doing those things right now. Am I jealous? Upset? Hurt? All of the above? It just sucks and I'm drowning in debt a bit trying to work my ass off to get where I want in life again since all of everything has been ripped from me. I'm trying. Please let me know if I'm crazy or out of line? I want to be heard. I'm going to start to save up. I have a plan for my 27th birthday. If it doesn't work in time for my 28th birthday, I'm not sure what else I can do but join the 27 club.

#send help #please reblog #mental health #parents #mother #father #moms #family #reblog #important #self care #self love #self help #self esteem #self healing #my story

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iguessilovebakugou · 3 years

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Stranger || Bakugou x Reader || { Anon Request } || Stalking

TW: Cursing || Stalking || Threats of violence || Implied desire for Non-Con (not from Bakugou tho) Word Count: 5.5K

It started after the Sport Festival.

A DM that had been sent to your private social media account - a friend from your old school named Honoka. You hadn’t spoken to her since starting UA - and the moment you saw the notification, you felt guilty that this was how she had to reach out to you. She had been so proud of you when you got accepted, she almost started crying, hugging you tightly and telling you as much. She asked you to keep in contact in High School. You had promised her you would.

You had been so busy, it was hard keeping promises.

Honoka: Hey! I saw you on the TV - you were amazing! I can’t believe they wouldn’t let you pass onto the finals. Good thing though - you would have gone against that asshole.

Honoka: Not that you couldn’t have handled it!

It should have tipped you off that one of the quieter kids of school would have used such language, but it didn’t. It had been a few months since starting high school and people have changed faster. You didn’t think much about it aside from replying before your train pulled into the station. You might miss your stop and be late to school.

You were always punctual and refused to have something as stupid as that go against your record.

You waited until you were off the train, standing on the steps before sending a quick message.

Thanks! It was really terrifying. But I lost fair and square. Besides, I wasn’t the only one who didn’t make it to the finals. So I guess it’s okay. :)

You decided not to humor her comment about Bakugou. While it drew a hot, angry tie around your neck, part of you understood. Honoka wasn’t alone in thinking he was...less than pleasant. It had been a point of contention, something that bothered you both that day and since. People were just wrong about him. She didn’t know him like Class 1-A did. A few short clips from some televised sports festival didn’t do him nearly the justice he was deserved.

You didn’t have enough time to put your phone back in your jacket pocket when it buzzed again.

Honoka: Still.

Honoka: You were so strong. We all think they should have made an exception for you.

Honoka: We should meet up sometime. Gtg! Text me after school to set up a time!

You wanted to question it but you didn’t.

You really should have questioned it.

King Explosion Murder was a perfectly good name.

Miss Midnight just doesn’t understand art.

The conversation had been going on for a hour. It was the longest that you and Bakugou had texted. You had moved from a group text to your own private thread. He didn’t text you like normal boys did - no pictures, no emojis, no stupid memes he had found. It was...conversation, one that hadn’t been as hard to keep going as you thought. you tried to distract yourself with school work while he replied, but found it hard not to keep your attention on your screen as the text bubble flashed.

Bakugou: It was better than “Deku”.

Well Deku was less violent

Bakugou: AND IT WAS STILL BETTER

Bakugou: THAN FUCKING DEKU’S

Honoka: You still up?

You stopped. Honoka? Why on earth was she texting you...oh shit. You groaned, rubbing your eyes and kicking yourself for forgetting to text her back like she had asked. You had been so wrapped up texting Bakugou since getting home that it just completely slipped your mind. Though, to be fair, most things slipped your mind around him.

You opened your chat with her, trying to figure out how to apologize without seeming like too much of an asshole.

Hey, yeah, sorry.

I started talking to one of my classmates and totally forgot.

My bad, dood.

Once again, she replied quickly.

Honoka: Who were you talking to?

There was a small part of you that wanted to ask her why it was her business, but you bit your tongue. She probably didn’t mean anything by it and some residual bitterness from her comment this morning was probably lingering. You took a deep breath.

Bakugou.

We workshopped hero names today. His got shot down by our teacher.

It was so sad. 🤣🤣🤣

Honoka: Why are you talking to him?

It wasn’t a question, not really. It was a statement. Like you talking to Bakugou was taboo, you could practically hear her grasping her pearls. You shouldn’t have had to explain to her why you were talking anyone, let alone him, and it bothered you that she felt she was owed that right. That she even dare ask the question. Your brow furrowed as you sat up in bed.

What do you mean?

Honoka: Why are you talking to him? He seems like an dick

Honoka: And isn’t good for you.

Honoka: You need to focus on being the best hero you can be.

Honoka: He seems like he would only drag you down.

Rage filled your stomach. Your hands were shaking as you tried to figure out what the fuck was going on. She had never acted this way before...right? She had always been so nice and meek and unassuming and...

You were confused, finding yourself chewing on your lip as you tried to make sense of what the hell you were seeing.

He’s my friend. I really like him.

Look, he’s not as mean as he appears on TV. He’s actually a really good guy. And he’s really smart and he’s going to be a better hero than even me some day.

So I would appreciate it if you didn’t talk about him like that.

The chat bubble popped up. Then disappeared. Then popped up. And disappeared again.

It’s funny - you had never felt so threatened by someone not answering. But as the bubble flashed for a final time, something told you that you had fucked up.

Honoka was always quiet, yes, but she was also amazingly sweet. She cried when you were little kids at the ending scene in All Dog’s Go to Heaven, always scrounged up change to donate to someone on the street looking for food, and volunteered every weekend to help with the younger students struggling in studies. She hadn’t been born with a mean bone in her body.

But by the end of the week, you were certain the person messaging you wasn’t the same Honoka you knew. She had changed - and not for the better. Not in the slightest. She was growing more insistent that you talk to her - every night. And if you didn’t?

The calls were incessant. One after the other until you finally had to shut your ringer off. And the voicemails - she never spoke. Just let it sit for a moment before hanging up. And you were grateful for it - you didn’t want to talk to her. Every chance she got, she showered you with praise and adoration while slinging hate at all your friends in 1-A. But no one got it like Bakugou did.

Honoka: Stop talking to him.

It’s not any of your damn business who I’m talking to.

Honoka: If you don’t stop talking to him, I’ll tell him what a whore you were in Middle School.

The water of your bath was scalding, but that didn’t stop you from shaking. Why was she doing this to you? Why was she so adamant about making your life miserable? This wasn’t Honoka - not even in the slightest.

I’m blocking you. Leave me alone.

Don’t talk to me anymore.

No matter what, he was pure evil to Honoka. He was disgusting, arrogant, rude, a monster, a villain hiding in sheep's clothing and would do nothing but drag you down. He would hurt you, she said.

Honoka: Go ahead. I’ll just make other accounts.

She was as good as her word. At least that hadn’t changed.

Your classmates were starting to take notice. After the first few accounts were blocked, she started using a calling app to randomly call you - only to hang up the moment you answered. Sometimes it was once a night, supplemented with texts about what a no good, lying whore you were. About how you were just some slut who’s opening you legs for the first guy who gave you any attention.

Honoka: Fucking skank.

Honoka: You’re so fucking worthless.

Honoka: You fucking him? Is that it? Is that why you want to defend him so bad?

Honoka: He’s probably fucking every other girl in your class.

Other times, the calls were every hour on the hour. It had gotten so bad, that you started sleeping in later and later.

You raced through the empty halls, trying to will time to back up. You had slept in, missing your first train. When you got on the second one, you fell back asleep until the stop after yours. The only thing you could do was get off and just run to school as fast as you could. Class had started 20 minutes ago. This had never happened before - in your whole life. You were always meticulous about getting to class early.

You were a good student. A good person. You were.

“Well, look who decided to join us.” Mr. Aizawa didn’t even bother to hide the annoyance in his voice. It made it all the more terrible

You wanted to cry. You felt the eyes of everyone in your class fall on you. It made your skin squirm, your stomach flip. You wanted to turn around and just...run home. To crawl into your bed and...

You bowed low, your head almost hitting the floor. “I’m so sorry I’m late, sir! It won’t happen again!”

“Be sure that it doesn’t.” His glare hardened. “We’ll talk after class about your punishment.”

Punishment. Shit. You couldn’t speak, resigning to solemnly nodding as you making the walk of shame to your seat, collapsing down. You had to take a minute, to steady your breath. To try and collect yourself. At least at school, you had an excuse not to answer her texts. To ignore her and pretend like she wasn’t out there being fucking crazy. School was safe. School was free from it all.

Almost by habit, you turned and looked over at Bakugou. A small part of you was praying that he was looking at you. That his glare would ground you in a way only it knew how. But when your eyes met...the only thing you felt was misery.

You fucking him? Is that it?

Your heart raced, panic flooded your nerves, and all you wanted to do was run. Get away from everyone and just...just go to sleep. You just wanted to sleep. But Honoka wasn’t allowing that. You couldn’t stop thinking about half of the things she said while the other half had been resting heavily in your stomach, making you sick. She was stealing everything from you.

You’re a fucking slut opening her legs for the first guy who gives you attention. And of course it had to be that fucking dog.

No...no you couldn’t look at him for too long, afraid that he would know. Terrorized as you were, you couldn’t run the risk of him finding out. Because...what if she messaged him first? What if she told him all of her lies and...what if he believed her?

No. No, that couldn’t happen.

You pulled away from his stare, folding in on yourself. Just get out your books. Focus on class and get out your books. Your phone dinged and your blood ran cold. You dreaded even looking at it, but as you tugged out your notebook, the piece of plastic fell, resting against the back of your bag. It was as if some higher power was damning you to be always aware of the vitriol Honoka was spewing in your direction. The lock screen shone bright: 21 missed texts, 44 missed calls. But the most recent message sent horror down your spine.

Honoka: Naughty girl, sleeping in late for school.

You slipped out of the lunch room and made your way down the hall. You were going to put an end to this - once and for all. You didn’t know what game Honoka was playing at, but whatever it was, you were fucking done. She was starting to seep into every facet of your life and it was ending now. Right then, in that hallway.

When you got a safe distance away from the double doors, to ensure no one could hear you when you started screaming, you searched through your contacts for her number. When you finally found it however...

God, just looking at her name made you sick. The fact her contact picture was of you and her, eating ice cream at a beach, grinning and giving the camera a peace sign, posing as only 12 year old girls knew how, it drove a knife into your chest, twisting it even deeper the longer you stared at it. She was making your life a living hell. It wasn’t right, it didn’t make any fucking sense. Why was she doing this to you? Did you do something to her? Were you cruel in your last interaction? Did you make a joke that went so poorly that she decided the only way to get back at you was to ruin your entire life? To push you so close to the edge that...

She going out of her way to make your life a living hell and for what?

Well, no better time like the present to find out.

Your thumb slammed down on the dial button. Each ring was like nails on chalk board.

Her voice was even worse.

She said your name so surprised, before crying it out in joy. “Oh my god, it’s been so long!”

Well...that...wasn’t...true?

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Honoka went silent on the other end of the phone. “Uh...are you okay?”

“You’ve been harassing me since the festival and you’re just going to act like-”

“Wait...what?”

“The thousands of texts!? The millions of calls!?”

She didn’t answer. You couldn’t help the grin that spread over your face. You fucking got her. You caught her in her bullshit lie and she didn’t have anything to say for it. You hated to admit it, but part of you was excited to hear how she was going to explain it way. How she was going to break down and finally you could tell her off and it was going to stop and you could get a good night’s sleep and maybe your mom could make your favorite curry and you would be able to eat it and not throw it up later and -

“I haven’t been texting you.”

Well...you couldn’t have said you were expecting that. You stopped, staring at your feet. “I...what?”

“I...haven’t been calling you. Or texting you.” She said, her voice - that ever familiar voice - filled with worry.

...of course she would be worried. She was always so fucking nice.

“Yes you have!!” You shouted, gritting your teeth.

She said your name, so softly and so calmly, “No. I haven’t. I promise you, I haven’t. Are you okay? Is everything alright?”

The phone vibrated in your fingers and the screen lit up once more. Another unknown number was calling you. You didn’t hesitate and for the first time since this all began you answered the her-him-they-it.

“What!?” You screamed, pressing the phone to your ear. You strained to hear, to try and find out who was doing this to you. “What do you want!? Why are you doing this to me!? Leave me alone!!!”

...click!

The dial tone felt like a death sentence.

The hallway shrunk and expanded, growing larger and darker - like the mouth of the beast, it was going to swallow you whole. You pressed your phone to your forehead, slumped to the floor and realized...you were crying. No, not just crying. You were sobbing, each one wracking your body and shaking your bones. Shit...shit, shit, shit. You just wanted to go back to the way things were. You wanted it to stop, wanted whoever was doing this to leave you alone and -

Your phone buzzed again. Another message.

Another sob rocked your body, but you found the strength to turn it back into view.

UNKNOWN NUMBER :: [ MULTIMEDIA MESSAGE ]

Your fingers trembled so hard you almost dropped the phone. You didn’t want to look at whatever it was. Whoever was doing to you was fucking sick, was deranged and psychotic and out of their mind and...you had to do something about it. Maybe you could tell a teacher? But what could they do about it? Up security? Just for you? No, it was entirely out of the question. You couldn’t go to the police - since who ever this was hadn’t physically done anything to harm you.

You were on your own.

You opened the message.

It was your house. The sun was setting. Then another. This one was early in the morning. Then another. And another. Another another another another another another another another another different angles, different times of day...but all focused on one spot.

Your bedroom. Sometimes it was empty, but other times you were in shot. Sometimes working on homework, sometimes sitting with your cat on the window sill, other times pulling your shirt above your head, reaching behind your back for your bra and...

UNKOWN NUMBER : Stop ignoring me.

Your phone clattered to the floor as you gripped your hair, trying to steady your breathing. In two three fours, Out two three fours. In two three fours, Out two three-

“Hey.”

The scream was involuntary, as was backing against the lockers so hard that you slammed your head against them. Bakugou recoiled, staring at you, his eyes wide with surprise. It didn’t last long, quickly overtaken by gritted teeth and snarls. “The hell is your-”

He must have noticed the tears, the absolute panic on your face. The silence fell over the two of you, the echo of your scream now long gone. You wished you were. You couldn’t look at him, couldn’t face the shame of what was happening. How could you explain it.

“You alright?”

You pulled your legs up to you chest, hugging them tightly. “No,” You replied.

Bakugou was never one for consolations. So you were almost surprised when all he made his way over to where you were sitting and sat down beside you. You flinched, only a little, but it didn’t seem to bother him none. He shoved his hands in his pockets, but didn’t say a word, his bright red eyes focused out the window across from you. You...were grateful. For the first time in almost two weeks, you didn’t feel entirely vulnerable. Like everything was crumbling down around you. And in this small moment of peace, you felt horribly exhausted. Your mind ached, your body was sore, your eyes were so red and...and...

You rested against his shoulder and he didn’t make a move to stop you. It was like Bakugou was putting himself between you and...whoever was stalking you.

Stalking you. You had a stalker.

You sniffled, wiping the tears from your eyes. “I’m sorry.” You offered.

“For what?” He barked.

“For crying.”

He didn’t answer for a moment, “Tch. Yeah, well...maybe suck it the hell up. Whatever it is, it’s not a big deal.”

Not a big...you turned to look at him, eyes narrowing. “Not a big deal...?”

He looked at you, a bored and disgruntled expression on his face. “Yeah.”

“It’s kind of a big fucking deal.”

“Oh yeah? Well then what the hell is it?”

“Whoa, it’s that kid who just won the Sports Festival!”

“Oh, wow! He’s so much scarier in person!”

“Do you think he would be mad if I asked for an autograph?”

“Yeah! Look at his mug - he’s obviously pissed off about something!”

Bakugou had stayed late, even through your detention, to walk you home. It was nearly dark now as you walked side by side down your street. The sun was struggling to peak over the row of houses and a purple ink had settled over the top of the sky.

It was taking everything in you not to apologize...again. He didn’t need to be dragged into your mess. But...shit, it wasn’t like you weren’t ecstatic that he offered to walk you home back in the hallway. He was a terrifying presence, unstoppable. As he stalked down the road towards your house, a scowl on his face as his eyes peered around every corner, it hit you that you felt safer now than you had the past few weeks.

“Hey.” You picked up the pace, making sure to stay close. “Thank you again. I just-”

“Ugh, stop thanking me!” He glared at you.

“I’m just-” You sighed and gripped your bag straps. “I...I don’t see the point of you walking me home. Not...that I don’t appreciate it, I just...won’t that make him mad?”

Bakugou scoffed. “That’s the point, you idiot.”

Sometimes, you thought you almost understood him. But then he blew up Rome and screamed at you to start over tomorrow morning. You stared at him in confusion though ultimately decided you didn’t have the energy to argue. You were just...thankful that he was here.

“This is me.” Your house was a small thing, nestled on the corner and surrounded by a garden that was meticulously maintained by your mom while you were at school and your father was at work. Sometimes the pictures had her in the shot, busy at work. Your lips thinned as you stared up at the second story window, Your white curtains lay still and your cat stared down at you, like she knew something was wrong. Like she knew...that things were amiss.

Well...Bakugou came all this way and the guy didn’t have the guts to show himself. As you had figured, you had completely wasted his time. It wasn’t like he was going to move in just to be your watchful protector. You didn’t want to think that maybe he was just patiently waiting until you were alone but...

“Do you want to come in for something to drink. It’s the least I could...”

Bakugou wasn’t looking at you. His attention was focused entirely over your shoulder. You blinked, taken aback by the cold, dead glare on his face. The way his eyes seemed to burn with...rage? Unbridled anger? Nothing seemed to do whatever it was justice. “You’ve been following us since the train station!” He yelled out. “Why don’t you stop being a fucking coward and come out of hiding!!”

…someone...had been following you?

You could see the reflection of someone in his eyes. With a shaking breath, you turned to look at who he was talking to.

You weren’t sure what you expected. But throughout the day, you had come up with an image in your mind of what your stalker had looked like. He would be the perfect embodiment of the horror you had suffered though, that was for certain. A Cheshire grin, wild unkempt hair, vacant, glossy eyes, maybe a knife or something - anything to solidify himself as the monster who had been making your life miserable. But...he wasn’t. As you got a good look at him, you realized that he looked relatively...normal. And for some reason, that thought alone made you sick.

He was about your age - maybe a bit older - in a school uniform you didn’t recognize. His hair was dark, pulled back and pushed behind his ears. His chin was dusted with facial hair and his eyes were darting between you and Bakugou. He had been standing by the cross walk and tried to pretend to be shocked that Bakugou was even addressing him.

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t pull that bull with me.” Bakugou stepped around you, making his way towards him. “I saw you get off the train with us. You made every turn we did. Always stayed one step behind where you thought we couldn’t see you.”

The kid only got a word out before Bakugou gripped him by his shirt and slammed him up against the wall of the neighboring house. “Please!” The kid yelled. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Bakugou!” Your legs finally remembered they could move. You bolted over to where he was standing, looking between the two of them. “Bakugou maybe it isn’t him! Maybe he-”

“Show us your phone then if you don’t have anything to hide!” He lifted him up and slammed him back against the bricks.

“I don’t have to show you anything, you fucking lunatic!”

You don’t think you had ever seen him on this street. You don’t think you had seen him ever but-

“HEY!” The boy tried to stop Bakugou from reaching into his pocket. But it was no use.

You caught it was ease, “Try the day of the sports festival for the password.” Was all he said.

This was fucking insane. What if this kid wasn’t the stalker? What if he was just some random guy who was meeting a friend. You looked back and forth between the two of them - Bakugou, hair wild and death in his eyes, and this guy who looked down at him with fear and...

...oh...

You swiped up, entering the date as instructed.

It unlocked.

And you were met with a pretty lain layout. Some photo editing apps, Youtube, a few games, and...

Texting and Calling apps. Your blood ran cold as you opened the first one up. Texts apon texts, all to the same unlisted number. Your unlisted number. You went to the photo gallery and there they were. The pictures of your house. Some of them were zoomed in and cropped to only show you. You wanted to be sick. You wanted to-

“I can explain!”

“What the fuck,” You breathed, scrolling through the pictures. Not just of your house, but of you - walking home from school, of hanging out with your friends, of you shopping. And that’s when you saw the edited versions.

Fuck. Oh Shit Fuck.

“I was only trying to help you!!” He cried, scratching at Bakugou’s wrist, making his skin bleed. “I only want what’s best for us!”

“I think I’m going to be sick.” You covered your mouth, trying to think of what to do next. Should you call the police? Your parents!? What do you do now?

His eyes fell on Bakugou, practically snarling. “I knew he would do something like this!! I knew he would try to make me look like some psycho, but I’m not. I know how he would treat you! He’s a rabid fucking dog, a mongrel! I couldn’t let him treat you the same way! I couldn’t! I’m just trying to protect you! But you wouldn’t fucking listen!! So I thought if maybe you and I could talk you would understand! You would see what I’m-”

“ARGH!”

Your body tensed as the smell of burnt stone and ash filled the air. You looked up and half expected his head to be blown clean off. But it was still attached, only now he looked terrified as he stared down at Bakugou. You followed his gaze, saw the look of pure, unadulterated rage. His hand had connected to the wall beside the man’s head, smoke dancing up and around them. And he was shaking. Oh, god, how hard Bakugou was shaking.

He spoke low, deep in his chest. “Listen close, you freak. You’re going to leave her alone from this point forward - you got that? If I find out you’re even thinking about her, I’ll kill you myself!!”

The world fell silent. No one said a word until. Your stalker was crying now, shaking as he nodded, quickly, mumbling apology after apology. You couldn’t find the words to say, but your heart. God, your heart was beating so hard in your chest as you stared at Bakugou. He...he was...

Oh.

The window in the house behind you slid open. An older man leaned out the window, his wife nervously peering over his shoulder. The looked to the source of the commotion before standing up straight, fumbling as the smoke continued to rise from the spot Bakugou...well...destroyed. “Hey!! If you don’t get off my property, I’m calling the cops!”

...the police.

...

The police.

Oh god, you had his phone. You could prove he had been stalking you!!! You perked up, smiling for the first time in weeks, “Yes! Yes, please, call the police!”

The man stared at you, confusion on his face. “....what?”

The weight of the situation only grew heavier when the police searched the contents of the guy’s backpack.

Rope. A knife. Some cloth. A box of condoms. And a jar of a clear, sickly sweet smelling liquid. You heard one of the officers say what it was, though you were sure you weren’t supposed to hear. But you did, and so did your parents. Your mom nearly broke down for the third time that evening as your father swore under his breath.

Homemade chloroform.

His name was Eito Moto - a second year at another High School near your home. You would find out later that the stalking had started long before the Sports Festival - ever since he started working at the coffee shop you and your mom would go to every Sunday for breakfast. Your neighbors, the ones who actually called the police, had seen him hanging around sometimes but didn’t think much off it.

They thought he had just been a fan.

They decided not to press charges against Bakugou for putting a hole in their fence. “Given the circumstances,” The man said, “I think I would have done the same thing.”

You had to go to the police station to file a report and request a restraining order. It took well into the morning hours, where you mainly spent your time talking to different police officers, retelling the same story, going over evidence, assuring them you didn’t know this guy so you had no clue why he thought you two had been dating for months.

They sent Bakugou home, your parents offering him their thanks and promises they would find a better, proper way to think him for essentially saving your life.

By the time you fell into a crumpled heap on your bed, it was 2 in the morning. It had been so long since you felt...okay. Your stalker was in police custody for now, you could at least rest easy tonight. You gripped your pillows, tugging them up and over your head to block out what meager light filtered in through the hallway. No more late night calls. No more insistent texts telling you what a no good whore you were. You were okay.

Everything was going to be okay.

Bzzzz.

...oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

You peeked out from under your pillow, trying to calm your racing heart. It couldn’t be him, you thought. He was in jail, so they wouldn’t let him call you - right? They wouldn’t let him do that, even if they did give him one call. With shaking fingers, you reached out and plucked your phone from your end table.

Bakugou is calling!

Oh....oh thank god.

You couldn’t press accept fast enough. You sighed, resting back against your pillows. “Hey.”

“Is that bastard in jail?”

A laugh, a good honest laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, he’s in jail. Dad and mom are gonna to talk to a lawyer tomorrow about our options.”

“Did you get a restraining order?”

You nodded. “Yeah. That’s what took so long and why we have to go to court. They gave me an emergency one so...” You blew out a puff of air, watching as a lock of your hair jumped up and fell back into place. “At least there’s that.”

“You should have talked to me about this sooner.” It was softer than you anticipated, less of a bite than he normally had.

You knew you should have. You should have told someone but...it felt so...pointless? Like it wouldn’t have mattered. But, you had to give credit where credit was due. “I wish I would have.”

He didn’t respond. You had expected he would have started yelling at you, about hiding it from everyone. Chastised you for being so stupid and letting it go on for as long as it had. But no, he stayed quiet. You could imagine him laying in bed, staring up at his ceiling, and wondered what he was thinking about. What he wanted to say.

You rolled over onto your side. “Hey, Bakugou?”

“What.”

“Thank you.”

There was a long pause before he let out a soft noise.

“Don’t be stupid. I was only doing what I had to do.”

Stalkers are fucking scary, yah know. I had to listen to some voicemails left by stalkers to get the vibe down right - and I still don’t think Eito sounded perfect but hey. At least one blessing in that: I’ve never been stalked.

#katsuki bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugou #bnha #bnha x reader #katuski bakugou #bakugou x you #bakugou x reader #bakugo #x reader #mha imagines #mha bakugou #mha bakugo x reader #mha #mha x reader #tw: stalking #tw: noncon mention #if you need anything else tagged #let me know!

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a-mended-pact · 3 years

Note

Smut blurb about meeting Spencer on a dating app that Derek set up for him.

Hi! Thank you so much for the request you are my very first one! This was such an honor to do. I am still learning on doing smut so I hope this satisfy you just enough until I become more comfortable in my smut skills. It was a pleasure

I can't believe I allowed my best friend to do this to me. Setting me up on a blind date of all things. A relationship was the furthest thing I wanted from my mind.

Having just gotten out of a bad one a couple of months ago. This was going to be god awful. I know you are supposed to dress up for these things but I couldn't bring myself to. No fancy clothing. No elegant designs. Just a tight shirt and dark jeans accompanied with boots.

All I knew about my date from my friend was that he was a Doctor/Fbi agent and a professor. A small laugh escaped me as I glanced at myself in the mirror before I left to meet this catfish. Clearly someone was lying.

------------

When I arrived at the restaurant later then originally planned. Stupid subway. Walking inside I spoke to the host. 'Hi, um party of two for Reid. Hopefully he is already here.' The nervousness finally getting to me.

As the host walked me to the booth I could see what I hoped to only be Doctor Spencer Reid. His hair was fuffy and unruly. It looked so utterly soft all I wanted to do was run my hands through it.

What the hell? Y/N control yourself! You can't just randomly start wanting to touch someone you don't know because he looks pretty. I thought to myself. My inner turmoil starting to get the better of me.

Sitting down across from him he finally acknowledged me. A small blush on his face as he scratched the back of his neck.

'Hi, um sorry I don't normally do this sort of thing.'he rushed out in a hurry. 'Someone I am deeply upset with right now set this blind date up for me and I was only told about it today. Apparently I have a tinder account? I have no idea what that really is besides a dating app that pairs people up through and algorit-'

He stopped himself suddenly when I assumed he realized he was continously talking.

A small nervous laugh escaped him.

'I'm sorry I talk a lot when I'm nervous. My name is Dr. Spencer Reid. You can just call me Spencer. '

That was when I saw him finally look me in the eyes this whole time. I felt my heart flutter as I finally got a good look at them. He truly had gold in the middle of his dark eyes. Oh boy I could get lost in them forever.

I'm not sure how long I was staring but by the time the waitress came around. I didn't have any idea what I wanted. All I noticed was how he kept my eye contact and replied to the waitress that we'd both just have a water for now.

'You're staring.' He looked down awkwardly and blushed. I haven't even spoken a word yet and I'm already ruining this date. Crap.

A random gasps escaped me as I myself started speaking for the first time. I hope I don't run him off with what's about to spew out of my mouth.

'Did you know that the reason babies stare is because they can't understand the concept of beauty yet? So basically when an adult stares to long they are staring because you trigger a chemical in their brain that starts their hormones and oh God I'm gonna stop. '

I covered my mouth quickly to keep myself silent.

I saw his eyes light up in amusement and laughter escape him.

Oh no what had I done.

'Yes I did know that In fact. Are you telling me you find me attractive.' His voice trailed off. Coming to my senses I realized I had never told him my name!.

'Oh god I'm an idiot. I never told you my name. It's Y/N.' Another smile escaped him.

'I have to ask are you really all those things your profile said? I personally hadn't actually seen your profile. Like you my friend set this up for me without my knowledge.'

'Yes, I am in fact a Fbi agent. I'm a profiler for the Bau. I study serial killers in order to catch them. Is the simplest way to put it. I am also a professor on my time off teaching students how to track down serial killers or at least the cause of why they exist.'

My eyes widened in surprise as he watched my face.

A smile formed on my features. This was going to be a fun date.

---------

I was right to assume it would be one. What I didn't expect was for us to click once the awkwardness was out of the way. Discussing mine and his love for literature and science was a lot more fun then people might think.

Currently he was in my apartment and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to kiss him. The date had went along pretty well. Him being the gentleman I noticed he was ordered for me in my panic. I'm a very indecisive person so I was beyond thankful.

I could tell he was just as attracted to me with the way his pupils had expanded during our date. I knew the science I knew I had a chance. I just couldn't bring myself to make a move.

I think he caught me staring at his lips because in that moment he leaned forward glancing down at mine.

'Please, make the first move.'

A smile formed on his lips as he cupped the side of my face and pulled my face to his kissing me softly.

I thought I would melt into him by just the feeling of his lips on mine. Before he could break the kiss I found myself clawing gently at his neck and deepening the kiss. I pulled myself onto him straddling his lap. Him leaning himself back against the couch as he looked up at me.

'Are you sure? We barley just met.'

'God yes. I am sure. I am clean. I haven't had sex in months' I started kissing and nibbling up his neck making him moan and clutch at my thighs.

'I would love to show you the science of the relief sex gives to a federal agent that most certainly works to hard for his own good.' My hands running up his chest.

'Then show me.'

Those were the last words I remember him saying before I ended up on my back sore as I had ever been. I was still a whimpering mess from all the things he showed me.

I glanced over at him. I really didn't show him anything.

This man took me to heaven and back. I didn't show him shit. He showed me a whole new world.

Perhaps we should both thank our friends for meddling in our lives.

#criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer x reader #spencer x you #spencer x y/n #Yuki's babbles

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oh-mother-of-darkness · 4 years

Text

Hello. I am, as you know, an American. I turned eighteen in 2014, voted in my first presidential election in 2016, and voted in my second presidential election last week via early voting in the state of Texas.

I’m reflecting right now on the difference between those experiences. This is going to be a very self-indulgent essay.

The 2016 election was in my third and final year of undergrad at Texas A&M University. At the time, I was living with a roommate who grew up in a town of 2,000, all of them members of her church. I loved her very much, but she was the most sheltered person I’ve ever met.

I was only a few years ahead of her. My home growing up was deeply liberal about many of the things that counted, but deeply conservative on equally important things. For me, leaving for college was a radicalization speed-run.

I, a good Memphis girl, moved to Texas and encountered for the first time in my life white homogeny and everything that comes with it. I made most of my friends at A&M through a Christian orientation camp that I attended, then worked at. I went to school at a history department that was overwhelmingly male and war-obsessed.

My second semester, I was randomly sorted into a writing seminar on the American Civil War and Reconstruction. There were eight other students in that class, all of them Texans. By day two I had gotten into a open fight with one of my classmates after he used the phrases “one of the humane parts of slavery” and “the secession declarations are moving and beautiful appeals, if you read them,” and “well I’m not going to criticize my own state.”

We got into at least one yelling match per week from that point forward. It was a formative experience for me-- not just him but the seven other students that took his side every time because they just couldn’t conceptualize anything outside of their own experiences, and frankly, I couldn’t either.

It rocked my world to be surrounded by people who told me, among other things, that their high schools flew the Confederate battle flag or Lee was their all time role-model (because he actually didn’t want to secede! He didn’t believe in it, but Virginia did, so he put his own qualms aside and served his country, and that’s what we all have to do). I ran a survey once by knocking on every door in a dorm hall and asking the two people inside why the Civil War happened.

I feel like you can guess the most common answer I got. Only two said slavery. Six didn’t know what the Civil War was.

The last week of the semester, my class read a collection of recorded oral accounts of freed slaves during Reconstruction. My nemesis told me that he “didn’t realize black people actually had it bad.” At the same time, I was struggling with my sexuality, my relationship to my religion, my relationship with my parents, and a handful of newly-diagnosed but long-existing mental illnesses. I wasn’t having fun.

Over the next three years, I tried my hardest to humanize the people that said disgusting things about minorities, poverty, and me personally. I barely won on that one, and I’m actually really proud that I did, even if it took me a few years. I can trace the biggest change in me directly to my nemesis from the history department, the kid that made me so mad that I started arguing back. I was too scared to do that before.

By 2016, I was in full existential spin-out-- a very suddenly liberal kid fighting my whole family, all of my classmates, and most of my friends in an explosive political climate, the first I had ever participated in.

I voted by Tennessee absentee ballot in 2016. On election night, I ordered takeout for me and my roommate, who I knew had voted red. Confident, like pretty much everybody, that Clinton would win, I was trying to show her that I didn’t hate her. She went to bed after dinner, also so certain that Clinton would win that she didn’t bother to stay up.

I sat in front of my laptop sewing a birthday present for a friend (Kenza, actually), while the votes came in. I wasn’t super alarmed when the map turned red. I just figured the blue states hadn’t finished counting yet.

The map didn’t get any bluer. By 1am, I knew what was about to happen. They called it an hour later, while I was sobbing on my floor. I threw up in the bathroom out of pure anxiety. I got two anonymous messages telling me the asker was going to commit suicide. Neither of them responded to my replies. I don’t actually know what happened to them.

I remember riding the bus to class the next morning and distinctly seeing that most of the racial minorities there had swollen eyes from crying. The girl with the pride stickers all over her laptop didn’t show up that day, and I’m kind of glad she didn’t, considering the way some of our classmates in the back were loudly talking about “the gays.” Hope she’s okay.

My roommate came home completely unaware that Clinton lost. I was crying in my room when that happened. I remember showing her a demographic map of who voted which way. She got visibly upset when she figured out what races how. I think she really did feel guilty.

That Thanksgiving, one of my cousins tweeted, “I can’t wait to go argue with my liberal cousin today. The wins. Keep. Coming,” an hour before he walked into my house. Inauguration day was January 20, 2017. I decided to go to law school a week later, the day the president signed the Muslim ban. That’s when I figured out for the first time just how much power the courts have. The last three years have only enforced that.

I got angrier and angrier during law school, egged on by a few friends but more than anything just... finally conscious of exactly how the American system works and exactly who’s behind it. I still live in Texas, farther west now, and I’m working my first legal job. I’m going to be a licensed attorney next week.

I went back and forth for months about how this election was going to shake out. I knew there wasn’t going to be an overwhelming red majority this time, but my big fear was an election close enough that the Supreme Court could take it. That fear doubled last month, at RBG’s death.

I was hoping for a blue enough victory on election night that there wouldn’t be a week of uncertainty, but that was unlikely, and it didn’t happen. I obsessively refreshed my election map all of Wednesday and Thursday, aware that at least some states would flip after mail-in ballots came in, but unsure which would.

Again, my great fear was a blue victory held down by only one state. Given (I would say “any” chance here, but I don’t mean “any” chance because genuinely jurisdiction or facts or legal merit don’t matter to the Supreme Court) an opportunity to make one (1) decision that hands over a red election, please know that a conservative supermajority would take it. I cannot emphasize enough how true that is and how important it is for all of us to grasp that.

Watching Georgia flip was one of the best experiences of my life, and it’s a little hard for me to articulate why, but I’m going to give it a shot here. I’m southern. I’m from the South, and for this conversation it’s really important that I’m from Memphis, a black city and a center of black music and culture.

When people think about the South, they think of the white South, and on some level, they should. It is absolutely essential to understand the white South in order to understand American history. Let me be 100% clear here. That is not a good thing. American majority history is not good. We are not a good country.

It’s near-impossible to understand why that’s true without knowing exactly what happened in the white South and exactly what is still happening there now. With that, however, is another truth that most folks don’t get.

The SouthTM is white and needs to die. The South as it actually exists is partially white yes, but it is also everyone else that lives here, particularly black folks. Southern culture is black, not white. Georgia flipped because the people that have always, always been there finally got to crack apart the conservative machine holding the South hostage.

That’s amazing. It’s fucking mind-blowing. I watched it happen at 3:30 in the morning days after Election Day, and holy shit holy shit, Georgia flipped. Atlanta won. Holy fucking shit.

I would be terrified right now if only Georgia flipped, because SCOTUS would have found a way to throw out a few thousand votes. Inevitable. Absolutely certain on that one.

With a few states of buffer, I don’t think that’s going to happen. I really do think it’s over.

I came home after work on Friday and immediately went to sleep because I hadn’t really done that since Tuesday. I woke up at noon today, checked the map, checked my messages, and saw what happened while I was gone. After that, I went back to bed until 5:30pm. I’m really just getting up now, after most of 24 hours asleep.

I don’t know if I would say that I’m happy right now, but I am overwhelmingly relieved. I’m under no illusions that a Biden victory will solve everything, but I also do think this is a real thing to celebrate. I’ll take suggestions on how to celebrate right now, actually, since I’m finally awake.

I’ll be angry forever, I think, but this is a good thing, and I’d like to enjoy it. If you’re happy right now, hey, tell me about it. I’ll be thrilled with you. I want to hear it. Congrats to all of us. Love y’all.

#that's me rambling thanks and gig em #there are some things to tag here huh #uspol #politics #suicide #this would be a good time to remind everybody that i am white #so take that into account re: Georgia #personal i guess #not comics sorry

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mimiplaysgames · 3 years

Text

Terra Week Day 6 (Free Day)

Summary: Sometimes, a ghost is a wish. | Word Count: 3,218

Read on AO3

A/N: For Terra Week 2021! You can find that account on Twitter!

~*~*~*~*~

The Tenets of a Master, Ch. 6

The Master’s bedroom is exactly as he left it many years ago. Bed made, dresser (now) dusty, curtains parted to let the sunlight in, walk-in closet neatly organized with not a single article of clothing in his hamper, as the Master was a fan of washing clothes every single day. Terra never found out why.

Terra has rummaged through this drawer three times already and still he can’t find them. He’s looking for a stack of sepia-toned pictures, cradled in a small envelope, the ones on the top dated many years ago when the Master was a student, while the ones at the bottom chronicle some of his adult life when Terra and Aqua were children. He’s tried searching every drawer, every box, every cupboard, and has even looked under the mattress and in the pillow cases. He couldn’t have misremembered them, could he?

One of the things he’s surprised to find instead is a small, delicately furnished wooden box with a latch. Full of cigars. The Master never smoked, but maybe he liked to smell like them. Though Terra would never personally choose to keep a set in his dresser, smudging all his clothes.

Sighing, Terra stands by the bed, taking another gander around the room to see if there’s a spot he could have missed. Maybe behind the mirror? No, not there. He slips his hands into his pockets, and finds something else. Folded over in four, the paper is crumpled, living in his pocket for the better part of a week. Naminé’s drawing of Xemnas is messier, the strokes of crayon meshed into each other that he’s less of a childish, crude figure and more of a smear. That ring of fire surrounding him stays closed.

Terra grunts.

Here comes another headache, a tense pulse above his brow. Massaging it never helps. Suddenly, Terra is not in his Master’s old bedroom anymore. Suddenly, he’s standing high on a cliff overlooking a wasteland, talking to someone in a black cloak with the hood up.

Now he’s back in the bedroom, the sun cutting shapes through the lace curtains with the breeze passing by. In a few minutes, the headache will go away. This is how it goes every single time.

Yes, it’s been a week since they left Radiant Garden. Only Ienzo uses the Gummiphone for contact, leaving long messages that take Terra too much time to reply back to. The rest of the team would prefer correspondence through letters, which is something Terra would rather do as well. He just hasn’t done so yet, focusing his attention on cleaning the castle as they start a new life without their old Master. Once that’s done, he promises himself to do so.

It’s a shame, he knows he should make more of an effort (and promises that he would once he takes care of the Master). Xion sometimes texts him with pictures, some of them with Roxas, who still hasn’t made an effort to talk to him even though they played a good race at the beach (Terra didn’t even need to let him win—that kid is fast). That’s okay. Xion has offered to set Terra up with what she calls a Kingstagram account, and Terra supposes that’s okay, too. He just doesn’t know what that is or if it’s worth his time.

In the end, he is still really bad at connecting with others, and he’s still out of pictures, and he still doesn’t know what to do with the Xemnas drawing. Any moment now, Aqua will come looking for him. They’re finally preparing for his memorial, to say goodbye to his Keyblade—

—And Terra has to say goodbye forever without ever seeing him again. What’s the point of staying linked to these memories if they do nothing for him?

Why does looking at this drawing of Xemnas the only thing that gives him reminders?

Grunting, Terra rubs his face. Maybe it’s as good a time as any to text somebody now, distract himself so he calms down and do some good so he’s not completely isolated. He waits for his Gummiphone to turn on to the initial screen, the whirring of the machine the only noise accompanying him. How did Ven do this again? He clicks on his address book. Now he has to remember how to open a text and take a picture, particularly of the Xemnas drawing.

terra

did he ever call you an also-ran

Send.

Terra doesn’t expect Lea to answer right away. He probably will read the text, probably take the time he needs to register how he feels before painting his usual bright smile that he uses to play everyone. Maybe Terra has him all wrong. Maybe this is really offensive, and Lea would actually be upset. It’s not his intention.

The Gummiphone buzzes several times.

lea

see

i told isa the other day

the first time i saw you i thought you looked like an asshole

Terra snorts to himself quietly.

terra

is that your favorite word

lea

So it’s all good. Terra breathes a sigh of relief, a smirk that’s warm on his cheeks. He doesn’t know if texting people randomly is the right way to go about doing this whole make-new-friends thing. It’s not as easy as walking up to somebody and saying hello anymore, but starting a new life doesn’t have a manual.

As though the chains he linked through Xemnas harbor resentment, he’s hit with another spasm of pain, drilling onto the side of his skull. Stars, they get intense sometimes, some of them downright gorey. He will not think about it. He will push it away. The pain subsides but only a bit, throbbing instead.

It can’t end like this. He’s avoided going back to Naminé ever since just to keep trying and see Eraqus, one more time. One more. It’s not much to ask for, so why can’t the stars be more forgiving? He swears to them he’ll never ask for something again.

Terra groans, pain hammering over his brow. What’s coming this time is going to knock him around, so he lowers himself to his knees. Several people dressed in extravagant embroidery, from some other world, being swallowed up by darkness, their hearts floating up to the sky and a small cry of Mister, is my mommy coming back?

When it’s over, Terra sobs, keeping a heave from rupturing his chest and wiping dry tears. If Aqua comes in and sees him like this, she’ll freak—she’s already brewed so many potions and teas for him whenever he has an episode.

He tries for the closet again. The Master kept his most expensive robes wrapped in plastic, preserving a faded scent of cedar. Terra takes the fabric, smooth as silk, and breathes into it. It’s weaker than last time. He could always spray it with the Master’s leftover cologne (his favorite), but it still wouldn’t smell exactly like him, and as Terra waits seconds for another memory to come, he realizes as soon as it hurts that it wouldn’t bother with giving him what he’s looking for. All he asks for is the sound of the Master’s voice, to see that smile move one more time so he makes sure he sears it into his mind for the rest of his life.

Instead, a strong voice (Xehanort’s) talks about the Darkness making way for the Light, just like the expansive sky that is home to the stars. It was necessary to pursue it, he had said to someone.

A single tear treads all the way to Terra’s jawline. He’s tried his best. No photos, no special memory. It’s like the Master doesn’t linger here anymore.

Defeated, Terra pulls his Gummiphone out, searching for Naminé’s entry. He won’t commit to an appointment. He’s only asking questions, wondering if there are better ways to maneuver through the memories so he gets what he wants. She doesn’t answer right away.

He pulls himself up at the foot of the bed, aching like an older man even though he looks twenty in the mirrors. What lies.

Where else to find mementos? Terra has already looked through the Master’s study and his favorite spots in the library. The only place left is the attic.

The attic sits atop the northeast tower. Terra is in the residential wing, in the southeast tower, so he has to travel several paces downstairs to make it over, just to climb all the way back up. Entirely built of wood, the attic has one stained-glass window that slices pastels through the floorboards. A lot of junk gets dumped up here—old knight statues from a Master that lived eight-hundred years ago or so, faded paintings that have names but aren’t recognizable anymore, couches that are stained and out of style, chests of outdated books and maps, and trinkets and gifts that litter everywhere else. Even Aqua can’t bear to let any of this go despite that none of it truly belongs to anybody. To her, it’s like rejecting their history. The Master probably had felt the same.

Before what happened, Master Eraqus was moving items up here, mostly stacks of papers. They were shoved in a leather binder, tied together with string. It’s a long shot the photos will be with them, but regardless, Terra begins the hunt.

It’s not in the chest of crystals. Not by the old (creepy) dollhouse. Not with any of the broken phonograms, nor with the folded rugs that stack from floor to ceiling.

But it’s right there, sitting neatly by a basket full of gold artifacts from worlds Terra has never been to and engraved in languages he doesn’t know, tied with a red string and stitched in handmade leather. When Terra pulls it open, he’s greeted by a handful of letters written to Eraqus about trouble in other worlds, asking for his help, and a stack of essays about the philosophy of the Keyblade, both in the common-tongue and the ancient.

It’s nothing like reliving memories or watching them like footage, but Terra imagines the Master working late into the night on his desk with a quill, writing these essays slowly so he keeps his impeccable script. He’d read books with a glass of wine every night, and keep at it in the morning with a mug of coffee, hair unbrushed as usual but that’s fine when he keeps it in a short ponytail every day. He’d disappear every week to some other world, leaving Terra and Aqua with a nanny until they were old enough to take care of themselves. Considering what these people are writing about—missing circus animals, their neighborhood mountain being possessed, and even an early report of Unversed showing up in the woods—the Master used to be a busy man.

Why did he have to die that day? Why can’t Terra keep the things that are supposed to come with home?

Terra sniffs. The smell of cedar comes up, as though the cologne was sprayed up here recently. Kicked up with a cloud of dust, as though the Master is here.

I am… well, for a short time at least.

Terra whips over his shoulder to find the Master behind him, a glow beaming through him as he checks the rust spreading on one of the oldest sets of armor. Picking up dust, Master Eraqus rubs it between his fingers.

This sorely needs urgent attention. I recommend some solvent and a spot of oil, he says, smiling at Terra as if it’s any other morning and breakfast will be announced soon. So many histories live here.

“Master?” Terra drops the papers.

Eraqus tsks his disapproval and like muscle memory, Terra immediately gathers the papers together, working on automatic mode, tucking them under his arm as if this is class and he has to be on his best behavior. When the Master approaches, he makes no noise: no thuds to his steps, no wind whooshed by his robe, gliding gracefully across the floor. Terra bows... though he cannot fight the urge to stare up. Terra has forgotten about the scar; it was on the Master’s face, every single day, but he’s never heard the story behind it. An elephant accident. A run-in with pirates. Those were the contradicting explanations he’s heard every time he asks.

The Master looks down, motioning with his hand to stand up. Look at you. Almost as tall as I am.

“You’re here.”

The Master smiles. This is the happiest Terra remembers him being; he must not feel his chronic back pains anymore. You have spent your whole week following me. He gives Terra a mischievous knowing in his eyes. I suppose it would be rude of me not to return the gesture.

“I’m sorry,” Terra gasps, mouth gaped open for all the words he prepared, but now that the moment is passing by, he doesn’t know what to say anymore. He reaches out with a hand but stops himself, scared of what it would feel like to to pass right through the image. “I missed you.”

And I have missed you all so much, Eraqus says with contentment.

“I wish it never happened,” Terra chokes. “Sometimes, I wish I could find some way—”

Shhh. The Master shakes his head lovingly. Don’t. No longer shall you venture down the path of grief. You have already experienced first-hand what such curiosities could lead to. And you already know you don’t need to.

“I know,” Terra whispers. “I know.”

When the Master smiles this time, he sighs and closes his eyes like he’s feeling the sun. I have reunited with so many of my old friends since. Such a peaceful existence. He opens them. Your friendships are something to cherish for as long as they can physically walk by your side, Terra. But who am I to lecture? You have always. Friends to love, who want to care for you. I am so proud.

So proud…

Tears, quiet and happy, fall like drops of spring, Terra hearing what he always yearned to hear since he was six years old, a comforting embrace that wants to tell him he can breathe again without feeling guilty.

But he still does. Every living breath is guilty by association.

“She’s so happy now,” Terra whispers as if to justify his actions, remembering Aqua sparring for the first time with Rainfell in years, hesitant at first, unsure of how it’s going to react with spells, but it comes fast. It comes like drinking water, natural and needed. “I don’t regret anything.”

Which was why you were the perfect candidate when I had asked you to look after them. He smirks. I couldn’t have trusted anyone better for the responsibility.

Terra swallows, searching for the courage not to ask, believing he shouldn’t. He’s weak. “I am?”

The smile falls. You are not weak.

You are willing to bare it all for your friends. Your bonds with Aqua and Ven are unbreakable, a magical, special, living Light to behold. A forge stronger than chains, weightless and free. I am sorry for seeding so much doubt within you, when you have so much to offer. If only I wasn’t—it was my duty to do better. That is my shame. He shakes his head at himself. But you’ve been so dedicated to the past, Terra, he says, concerned but not disappointed. Too much so. I worry.

Terra grimaces. “Ha, I never have any explanations for the dumb mistakes I make when I need to.”

You’ll find little answers in what lies behind you. The Master leans forward, pulling a small smile as he studies Terra’s eyes. But you are more than capable. Please do me the favor. Trace the past no longer. You have your bonds to nourish, and more to flower. Then he smiles more, an epiphany in his eyes like he wants to share a secret. Only in death did I realize what true Mastery really is. The living can be so foolish.

“You weren’t a fool, Master.”

Master… A Master is a forever student. To deny this is to be blind to your faults. Eraqus laughs, his eyes rolling. What would I have said to my younger self. You don’t see that one in the books.

“I don’t know, I… I think what I did for Aqua trumps any dream I had in becoming Master.”

Eraqus’s eyes glisten. Do you not see one when you look at yourself in the mirror?

Terra bows his head, squeezing his eyes shut.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, warm and real. Terra could hug him. But he doesn’t, not when Eraqus slips something flat in his hand.

Do take care of them. He holds Terra’s jaw. Chin up, son.

Footsteps climb up the stairs leading into the attic, and Terra is alone with a smooth piece of paper in one hand, the other wiping tears from his cheeks.

“Terra? You okay? I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Aqua is carrying a finished wreath with purple flowers. She stops when she gasps, looking around the attic. “That smells like the Master’s cologne,” she whispers.

When Terra smiles, he cries more. “Look at this.”

A sepia-toned picture of Eraqus as a young boy, sitting on a window seat with a chess board laid out in front of him, all teeth from ear to ear, sincere and hopeful. He looks at the camera like it’s his best friend.

Aqua’s eyes light up as she takes it, a tear for each eye. “Look at him. It’s so strange, but he was adorable.”

“Have you ever seen that one?”

“Never. It wasn’t with the others.”

“The others?”

She strokes the photo with her thumb. “Hm. I moved them into my room. I wanted to frame them.” She holds it to her chest. “Can I take this one?”

“For your room?”

“I’ve got one ready for yours. It’s that nice portrait that used to embarrass him.”

The one where he looked serious enough to judge someone to death. The Master had called it unsightly when it was presented to him.

“That one’s perfect.”

Aqua exhales deeply, shivering as tries to keep herself tall. “I’m so sad he’s gone, and... I don’t know. Sometimes I wish I had given him a Wayfinder. He feels so far away.”

He holds her chin softly, keeping it up as her heavy tears fall. “We could give him ours.”

She stops sobbing and stares through Terra when the realization hits her. She nods. “That’s a wonderful idea,” she says, nuzzling the wreath closer to her, her own little hug for the Master.

Terra’s Gummiphone buzzes in his pocket. That has to be Naminé.

“The wreath is beautiful,” he tells Aqua, and that grounds her back to reality. “You’ve done a marvelous job.”

“Thank you.” She strokes some of the leaves to keep them in place. “I’ll see you back at the front door?”

“Definitely.”

He’ll let her go downstairs first, pulling out the Gummiphone to read his new text. He’s going to tell Naminé that he’s changed his mind. He’s ready for an appointment.

#kh terra #terra #kingdom hearts fanfiction #kh fanfic #AHHHHHHHHHHHH #this one is def not as good #so is the last one #i just ran out of time i'm sorry #my fic

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monggu-eomma · 4 years

Text

Found

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader

Genre: Soulmate!AU, angst, fluff

Word Count: 1.5k

Prompt: sun and moon

Warnings: None

Summary: Everyone was born with a red string of fate bestowed by the gods, except for you. At first it seemed unfair to be left without a soulmate, but you eventually came to terms with the cards that you had been dealt. Even if you didn’t have a soulmate, you could still love.

Author’s Note: I wasn’t expecting to write this, but life has a funny way of doing things. It hasn’t been easy to write lately because I am too consumed by Haikyuu and I’ve been in this really weird funk that I don’t know how to get through. This scenario is for the BGW Bingo Bash and I can now proudly proclaim “bingo!” © Found is copyright monggu-eomma. Do not re-post, modify, and/or translate this piece of writing without my permission.

“You know, you’re so lucky Hobi,” you said as you leaned your shoulder against your best friend’s shoulder. You sat together on the couch in his living room, mindlessly watching whatever was playing on the tv.

“And why am I so lucky?” He asked, looking at you with a playful glint in his eyes.

“Because you have a string,” you replied. Although you couldn’t see the red string wrapped around his left ring finger, you were still envious of what he had.

Hoseok was taken aback by your sudden statement. He rarely spoke to you about the red string of fate, as it was a sore subject for you. He could count on one hand the number of times that you had spoken to him about it and every conversation concerning the matter left you with tears welling in your eyes. You had always reassured him that you had accepted your fate, but Hoseok could see with each reassurance that you uttered that you were hurting. “They are so lucky to have you.”

“I guess,” Hobi replied and you were surprised, to say the least, by Hoseok’s indifference. “I’m not sure if they would be happy to have found me whenever we find each other,” Hoseok confessed. Hoseok had never shown a lot of enthusiasm for his soulmate and you figured that it was because he didn’t want to brag about having a soulmate. The lack of a red thread around your finger was a sore subject for you and Hoseok’s confession made you realize that you weren’t only one who struggled with the red string of fate.

Wrapping both of your hands around Hoseok’s right hand, you looked into his eyes. “You are amazing, Hobi. One day your string is going to lead you to your soulmate and I know that they will be happy and grateful to have you in their life. I may not have a string, but every day I am thankful because I have you.”

Tears gathered in Hoseok’s eyes at your words as he hugged you tightly. “I love you,” he mumbled with his lips against your hair.

“I love you, too,” you said in reply. It wasn’t uncommon for you and Hoseok to express your love for each other. You had known Hoseok for so long and it was only natural for you to love each other, even if it wasn’t the kind of love that was bound by the red string of fate.

After breaking away from the hug, you looked at your phone to check the time and sighed. “It’s late. I need to go home. I have a long day at work tomorrow,” you said with regret in your voice.

Hoseok nodded his head and smiled. “Text me when you get back home, so that I know you made it back safely,” he said.

“Of course!” You replied. Before you could stand up, Hoseok took your hand in his and pressed his lips against your forehead.

“Thank you,” he said.

You wanted to say that you should be the one thanking him for always being there for you and for being your friend, but you kept those thoughts to yourself. Instead you stood up and smiled at him. “I’m always here for you.”

As you made your way home, you thought only of Hoseok. He was such an amazing person and you couldn’t imagine your life without him. Although you had always known that one day that your friendship with him would diminish when he found his soulmate, you had long since decided that you were going to make the best of your time with him. The gods had left you to your own devices and it was up to you to make the best of your situation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bringing your coat closer to your body, you waited at the bus station for the bus to come. It was a particularly cold Autumn night, the light from the full moon doing nothing to provide warmth. A cold shiver ran down your spin as a harsh cold wind blew orange and red leaves on the street. It had been a very long day at work and you were looking forward to coming home and making yourself a nice cup of tea to warm and calm your nerves.

As you waited for the bus to come, your thoughts drifted to your grandmother and the stories that she used to tell you. The story of the red string of fate stood out to you, especially since you had spoken about the red string of fate with Hoseok the previous night. The story spoke of the ancient Chinese gods tying an invisible red string around the fingers of those who were destined to meet each other in a certain situation or help each other in a certain way. The ancient deity that was in charge of the red string was said to be Yue Lao, the lunar matchmaker god. Your grandmother told you that the two people connected by the red string were destined to be lovers and partners for all of eternity, regardless of circumstances. She also told you that this red thread is what had brought your grandparents together and subsequently, your parents together. Although the story of the red string was supposed to excite you, it always left you feeling hopeless and alienated. You had never seen the red string of fate and you were certain that you would walk this life in loneliness. The lack of a red string had you feeling as though you were walking an interminable night.

The screeching of a large blue bus pulling in front of the bus stop brought you out of your lamentation. You quickly walked into the bus, scanning your bus pass and quickly scouting for a seat. Relief washed over you when you saw an unoccupied window seat and you walked over to claim that seat as yours. It was a nuisance, but you got car sick easily and you needed to sit, or stand, by a window whenever you were in a moving vehicle. Once you sat down, you pulled out your phone and earbuds to listen to music. You set the music setting on shuffle and let your playlist randomly choose songs for you to listen to. After the music started to play, you decided to scroll through your social media accounts on your phone and see what you had missed while you were at work. Your body jolted forward as the bus made another stop. The jolt was unexpected, especially considering that the bus had come to a gentle stop. As you pushed yourself upright, you noticed a red string tied around the ring finger of your left hand.

It can’t be, you thought to yourself. This must be a joke.

With gentle care, you touched the string to make sure you weren’t hallucinating. The thread felt soft and light. The string was even more beautiful as it was illuminated by light from the Moon. With a gentle tug on the string, you looked to see where it would lead to. Your gaze followed the whereabouts of the string, finding that it led to the front of the bus and that the string continued out of the bus. The tension of the red thread felt tight. It was now or never.

Quickly, with a sense of unspeakable urgency, you pressed one of the many buttons found in the bus to signal to the bus driver that you needed to get off the bus. You stashed your phone and earbuds back into your purse and swiftly exited the bus once it came to a full stop. Your gaze focused solely on the red string tied to your finger and you followed its path without giving any care to your surroundings. You had spent a long time telling yourself that you had accepted the gods leaving with you alone, but that lie held no truth to it.

With every step that you took, you tugged the red string towards your body as if to tell your soulmate, “Please, find me.”

You were so caught up in the stressful excitement of the idea of meeting your soulmate that you had failed to notice that you were about to bump into someone.

Oomph.

Looking up from the red thread that was connected to the person that you had bumped into, you found yourself briefly looking at their back. They quickly turned around to apologize, but the apology was caught in their throat as you tugged at the red string on your finger with enough force to bring your soulmate closer to you. He placed his hands on your waist, as he had done countless times before, and stared at you in awe. His smile was bright and reminded you of home. How could you have not seen this before? Looking back at your time with him, the signs had been so obvious. The countless late nights, the way your hand always seemed to find his, the whispered I-love-you’s. It all made sense.

The quiet moon that had plagued your life had been out-shined by a bright and warm sun for longer than you had realized. With or without the red string of fate, there was no doubt in your mind that you loved him.

“You found me,” Hobi smiled at you.

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prosopopeya · 3 years

Text

New Year’s Meme

this survey has been a tradition among my friend group for YEARS, but i haven’t filled it out since 2015 apparently. i’m not entirely sure why except 2016 was the year a lot of stuff changed for me, namely in that i finally got out of school in some form and started a new job, but i also had a few health problems that kept plaguing me (thyroid medicine being off, vitamin d) and my anxiety was all over the place. so here we go i’m doing it again and feel free to do it too if you want!!

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? tried on wedding dresses. taught virtually. dealt (poorly) with drunk teenagers. performed in a pep rally. wore face masks all the time. i’m going to lump in living with someone. jon moved in october 2019, but i don’t think i did this quiz last year so. taught ap.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don’t really like resolutions. they put too much pressure on me and i am a fragile person when it comes to setting expectations and living up to them. i did want to try to read more this year, and i maintained that until the pandemic, and then just kind of gave up requiring myself to do anything but live.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? i don’t think so. a coworker did.

4. Did anyone close to you die? jon’s cousin committed suicide in march or april. the circumstances were pretty upsetting. um. andy died in february, very suddenly. andy was my high school boyfriend for four years with whom i had a very... he scarred me in a lot of ways when it comes to sex and consent. it’s taken me a long time to unpack all of that. and i struggle with how much any of that was his fault or just bc he was a stupid kid too. our mutual friends had nothing but nice things to say about him on fb. anyway. he would guilt me into saying he’d kill himself if we broke up, and jon’s cousin killed himself over his girlfriend. so that was a complex part of the year.

5. What countries did you visit? none. literally the week before the quarantine, we went to asheville to visit jon’s cousin.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? maybe a different job? or at least some peace at doing mine.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? march 13 we cancelled classes and had a technology training day; the 15th we had another one, and then we were virtual the rest of the term. it was such a sudden shift and while i so loved working from home tbh, it was such a relief after a supremely shitty january/february work-wise, i still had a lot of keyed-up, stressful days centered around transitioning to being the senior upper school spanish teacher. i hate it!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? writing 50k in the month of november. i have literally never done that before and actively reject nano as being typically unhealthy for how my mind works, so it was nice to do it entirely by accident.

9. What was your biggest failure? mishandling the drunken teenagers on that field trip in january.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i sit crosslegged in my virtual teaching chair and i did it so much that my ankle hurt for the entire summer.

11. What was the best thing you bought? we put a deposit on our elopement in ireland. jon’s wedding ring. (i didn’t buy my wedding dress.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my best friend at work who keeps me sane and is represented by benny in my au, which other than the fact that he is not my sidepiece, is perfect he is crucial to my survival at work and i love him so much. (also he is gay and the french teacher so the benny parallels just keep coming). everyone who tore down a statue in virginia (and other places, but especially monument avenue). everyone putting their lives on the line during this pandemic.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? guess! but aside from all the obvious, i found out a friend of mine at work voted for trump. my work bff and i had been trying for years to sway his politics, but that had us both deciding to give up on him.

14. Where did most of your money go? food, ALCOHOL. god., our savings account. i did a pretty excellent job saving this year, though a good deal of that is because jon moved in and makes more money than me, and also we split all the bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my wedding dress but strangely only when i went to try it on after it came in bc after the purchase i was so sure i’d made every mistake possible. my wedding band. wellbutrin changing my whole life. and, last but certainly not least, the gay angel and the bi(lingual) hunter. i wouldn’t have survived nov-dec in school without that distraction. the election.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? the entirety of taylor swift’s oeuvre this year, maybe specifically “this is me trying”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. Happier or sadder? happier, i suppose, perhaps contrary to what should be the case, but wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. ii. Older or wiser? wiser. ii. Richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? reading. cleaning. exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? stressing. chaperoning.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? so, an update; last year was the first year i didn’t go to my mom’s for christmas. i was supposed to see her for thanksgiving last year, but she basically told us not to come bc she wasn’t feeling up to it (cool!), and we went to jon’s for christmas and my mom’s for new year’s.

this year, obviously we couldn’t go to my mom’s. instead, we rented a little cabin by the lake. it was perfect; it was really really nice inside, the beds were SO SOFT, the pillows were the best things i have ever laid my head on, like i took off the pillowcases to try to find the brand. we had a little tiny christmas tree with tiny ornaments from walmart that we decorated. the 23rd, we went and picked up our wedding bands. we slept two nights in the (cold) back bedroom so i could wake up and look out at the lake. it snowed for christmas. :)

we opened presents on christmas eve, per jon’s family’s tradition. on christmas eve, we also went to his family farm and sat outside and hung out a little. every year his family does like a secret santa sort of thing and i got my first present in that exchange, which is notable bc jon and i are not yet officially married. i got a remote control car -- jon’s idea bc i couldn’t think of anything, and he was so delighted to hear that i loved playing with rc cars when we went to the beach as a kid.

christmas morning we facetimed my parents and opened some presents together. then jon and i marathoned mandalorian (after spending the previous few days watching several die hard movies), and then we watched wonder woman 1984 which was a bad movie.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? ok LAST year for new year’s, we were in a hotel room, so that was nice, bc it meant minimal stress with my parents. i had always wanted to go to this restaurant near us that has a special new year’s menu, so we did that. the night before or after i think we went to cheesecake factory, which was also amazing.

this year currently i’m tumbling and he’s playing pokemon, and in a bit we’ll try to time it so we finish schitt’s creek in time for the new year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? i re-fell in love with supernatural so that was nice.

23. How many one-night stands? 0. i submit we should randomly change question 23 each year to something more relevant to any of our life experiences.

24. What was your favorite TV program? what did i even watch this year. schitt’s creek. mandalorian. i mean obviously we know supernatural. the circle. are you the one (the queer season). pose. unsolved mysteries. we’re here! perry mason. watchmen. oh maybe that mcdonald’s monopoly fraud documentary. avenue 5. i’ll be gone in the dark. of those i think my favorite maybe is... pose or we’re here.

OKAY UM. on my 2014 version of this there were a bunch of questions about tv shows that i’m putting back in if only for the memories:

25. Which TV shows did you start watching in 2020? the haunting of bly manor, which we still need to finish. derry girls.

26. Which TV shows did you let go of in 2020? HERE’S WHY I WANTED TO RESURRECT THESE. here was my answer in 2015: “supernatural. goodbye, my sweet prince.” CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE

27. Which TV shows did you mean to get into but didn’t in 2020? Why? so far, queen’s gambit and that one on hulu with catherine the great. EVENTUALLY. 28. Which TV shows do you intend on checking out in 2020? fleabag. queen’s gambit. 29. Which TV show do you think you might let go of in 2020 unless things significantly improve? idk i drop things pretty regularly if they don’t entertain me 30. Which TV show impressed you least in 2020? GUYS HERE’S MY ORIGINAL 2015 ANSWER: “supernatural. :(”

anyway back to the rest of the quiz:

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? every person who refuses to listen to facts and information.

26. What was the best book you read? killers of the flower moon: the osage murders and the birth of the fbi, or the his dark materials series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? well i knew about tswift so i’m not going to count her albums. i will count this song that jon played for me once in the car that got stuck in my head for two weeks straight and led me down into a great related-songs spotify playlist: through the roof ‘n underground.

28. What did you want and get? a wedding dress and a very specific kind of wedding band. a gay angel. a christmas getaway. animal crossing.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? idk i don’t know how many films i saw this year. maybe mucho mucho amor: the legend of walter mercado

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 32. we went to an escape room with a BUNCH of people -- work bff, my old work bff and his wife (old bc he quit and we’ve fallen out of touch :(), the cool new physics teacher and his fiancee, and the aforementioned trump voter and his wife, before we knew... we went out for brunch/lunch after. it was pretty great!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not having to chaperone that school trip in january. dean being bi in english as well as spanish. cas just ilke, appearing in 15x20. not having to physically go back to work this fall.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? no! real! pants!

34. What kept you sane? jon. supernatural (in a way?). animal crossing for a while. wellbutrin! i haven’t really been able to detail this yet, but finally i did something about tumblr and my therapist making me think about adhd. my doctor gave me wellbutrin (bc i lack any official diagnosis and was on anxiety meds anyway, and he was like let’s try this!) and it’s fucking. it’s a fucking godsend. surprisingly enough, my students. trying to provide them a safe space has been a calming thing for me.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? jensen ackles’ silence. misha collins again, i guess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the summer was so fucking intense. i guess though it was me trying to exert my influence in a responsible way with my students without trying to try to make them feel uncomfortable but then one kid was a vocally upset trump supporter after the election and i had to try to defuse that situation.

37. Who did you miss? my old work bff. several old friends that i’ve fallen out of touch with bc i have no object permanence.

38. Who was the best new person you met? people i met through the spn resurgence!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: if you manifest it in an au, it will come. no really though. maybe that expectations are only as important as i make them out to be.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: usually i have a hard time coming up with anything for this and i default to looking at my most played songs of the year. my most played song of the year received each and every one of its plays within the month of november and you can guess why. anyway see if this works

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met - the night we met, lord huron

#happy new year #annual meme

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wayward-mikaelson · 3 years

Text

When You’re Gone

Word Count: 4319

About: Reversed situation of How To Save A Life. What would happen if it were you reeling from Steve Roger’s death

Characters: Reader, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov, Bucky Barnes, Wanda Maximoff, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Clint Barton

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings/Trigger Warnings: Language, Character Death, Blood and Inury, Blood and Gore, Depressed Reader, Time Jump, Surprise Ending

A/N: This popped into my head while listening to Avril Lavinge’s When You’re Gone. I knew that I knew I needed to get this down because I needed to know how the reader would react when the love of her life died in the explosion. Would she wallow or would she try to get back to somewhat a normal life?

Song: When You’re Gone By Avril Lavigne

*This work contains content for the 18 and up crowd.

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“I’ll be fine Babe,” You stared into Steve’s worried eyes as you turned away. But you turned back, “Don’t forget, we have those dinner reservations tonight.” You added and saw a slight smile and shine in Steve’s eyes. Enough for you to turn around and head on up to do a walk around.

You had been excited for this dinner Steve had planned. He had waltzed right into the room four days ago and had told you that he made those reservations. He didn’t tell you where, just when. He had done this a few times before so you loved the mystery behind it. You thought it was romantic. That’s probably why you were attracted to Steve that very first day.

You took the stairs two at a time, while lost in your thoughts. The agent behind you, despite the muscle and looking like a body builder, had a hard time keeping up with you. You opened the door to the eight floor and began to look around. Making sure that everything was good and nothing suspicious were hidden away.

“Hey, do you think you can slow down some?” the agent asked, clearly out of breath.

“If you can’t keep up, then you need to find a new fucking line of work,” you shot at him. You half excepted to hear Steve tell you to watch your language but, you didn’t. He was probably too occupied with the mission to say anything.

“Yes ma’am,” the agent replied back.

Something made you stop dead in your tracks. You stood in the middle of the room when you felt your body grow cold. The pit that was in your stomach early that morning returned. It tightened around in your stomach more, making you feel sick.

Something was wrong.

Something was going to happen.

***

You stopped chopping the carrots. You set the knife you held aside and rested your head in your hands. You rubbed your face as you recalled the events of that nightmare day. You didn’t want to think about it but, the memories would hit you hard and randomly throughout the day.

Over time, you had gotten better at pushing them aside to try and finish the task you had at hand. So that’s what you tried to do. You took a deep breath and looked up from your hands. You saw Wanda, your best friend in the entire world standing there. The look on her face reflected what you were feeling deep down. She knew how you were truly feeling. You couldn’t hide it from her.

Wanda walked over to you and pulled you into her arms. “I’m sorry,” she said softly, brushing her hand down your long hair. “It’ll get easier over time.”

“I don’t think it ever will,” you whispered. “I feel so empty and cold all the time.” It was true. You felt like you had this huge hole in your chest that you couldn’t seem to fill. You were always so cold that no matter what you did, you could never get warm.

“I know, I know,” Wanda cooed into your ear. “Think of a happy memory you had with him. That helped me when I lost my brother.”

You closed your eyes and remembered when you first kissed Steve. It was one of your favorite memories that you held close to your heart.

Tony called a late briefing, and it took everything in you to not tell him to go fuck himself. Your body had been killing you and all you wanted to do was relax in a nice warm bath or just pass out on your bed. But you saw Steve rolls his eyes and walk into the conference room. You weren’t alone.

The whole meeting, you saw from the corner of your eyes that Steve looked at you. You either kept your eyes on your notepad or on the speaker. Tony talked about stuff that you clearly couldn’t understand because science wasn’t your strong suit in school. Bruce would cut in and correct him or add onto something. You hoped that the meeting would end soon. For Tony’s or Bruce’s sake.

Finally when the meeting came to a close, you got up and walked out to the court yard. You wanted to stretch your legs and breath in the night air before calling it a night. You heard the doors open and the familiar sound of Steve’s shoe hit the pavement. You smiled to yourself like a giddy little school girl.

“Do you mind if I sit next to you?” He had asked. So gentlemen like.

“Yeah,” you felt your cheeks flush and you know that Steve would be able to see it in the bright moonlight. But you didn’t care.

The two of you talked for a few more hours about whatever came to mind. You listened to Steve tell some embarrassing tales about Bucky and you promised that you wouldn’t tell anyone else. You laughed so hard, that you had to think back to when someone this handsome had made you laugh that hard.

It had been awhile.

“Let me walk you back to your room,” Steve stood up with you and offered his arm.

You stared at him, your thoughts running with scenario after scenario. Steve stared back and you could only wish what was going through his head. Then Steve turned slightly and had your face in his hands. He pulled your face gently to his and pressed his lips to yours. You sighed and wrapped your arms around his neck.

In that moment, you knew your heart found epic, true love.

***

Finally, finishing the fifth and final floor you still couldn’t shake that deep pit in your stomach. You only had a few more floors until you were out of the building and the agent with you was much more annoying than anything else in the world.

“How’s it looking up there?” Steve’s voice rang in your ear. You smiled and let out a breath of air.

Steve was okay.

Steve was alive.

But the pit in your stomach remained.

“We’re all clear up here,” you said into your wrist. You wanted to add that the agent with you was a pain in the ass but this mission was almost done. So you didn’t even bother. “We’re just passing through the fourth floor.” You stopped and smirked. “Shouldn’t be too much longer, Captain.” You could already picture Steve’s face starting to turn a deep shade of red. You knew what calling him Captain did to him. You didn’t even care that the rest of the team could have heard you.

Everyone knew that Captain America was fucking you for that last few years.

“Move faster Agent Y/L/N,” the way Steve had said your name, sent shivers down your spine. You felt the familiar ache in between your legs. Steve knew how to play this game well.

“Could you guys not?” the agent behind you said. “We’re working here. Save it for the bedroom.”

You turned to see him raising an eyebrow. You wanted to smack it off his face so fucking bad that you had your fists clenched. You could have done this walk through by yourself but you knew protocol. You had to have a partner go up with you. You closed the distance between you and the agent and stared up into this dark eyes. You saw fear flicker in them. Good, you thought. He knew who had the bigger set of balls in this room.

“You’re lucky I’m in somewhat of a good mood. Otherwise, I would kick your ass right here.” You grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked his face down to your level. “The team wouldn’t even care. Better yet, Fury wouldn’t give a flying fuck.”

You let go of the agent and turned on your heels. This mission was almost over. You’d be back at the compound cuddling up with Steve before going out to dinner. You didn’t have time to deal with the agent whose minutes were numbered. You reached for the door leading to the stairwell when you were suddenly thrown back with a loud explosion surrounding you. Your body hit a table and your fell to the ground.

“Y/N?!” You heard the panic in Steve’s voice. You couldn’t find your voice because you hurt just about everywhere. “Y/N, sweetheart? Can you hear me? Are you okay?” Steve’s voice shook with panic in your ear. It was a matter of time before he went in after you. Which he would be stupid to do.

You got onto all fours and looked up and saw the agent had been been killed on impact. Fuck, you thought. He had been annoying but you never wanted him dead. Maybe bruised and battered up. Never dead. The pain in your arms caused you to collapse. You rolled over, finally able to find your voice.

“Steve…” you groaned before loosing consciousness.

***

Your eyes opened and you were still sitting in the shower with your legs drawn up to your chest. The water had grown cold and your fingertips were shriveled up prunes. You stood up and turned the water off and wrapped up in a towel.

Stepping out of the shower, you noticed in the mirror how red and puffy your eyes had been. After two months you still bawled your eyes out. Crying and the pain you felt, even though you hated the feeling, it was the only reminder that Steve Rogers had been real. His love for you, you didn’t ever want to forget that feeling.

You thought about all the times you and Steve made love. He took his time with you. He made sure to always kiss every part of your body. He made sure to let his hands linger in all the right places just to toy with you and make you squirm under him. You would claw at his back when he hit all the right spots while inside of you. Your lips would mold slowly together while coming down from the high of both your orgasms. Just long enough before being pulled into his arms before drifting off to sleep.

You closed your eyes and a few tears rolled down your face. God, you missed that feeling. You wondered if you would ever be that close to someone again. You hardly doubted it. A love like that, that was always a once in a life time kind of thing.

***

You woke with the sound of metal groaning and pieces of the the room falling around you. You heard the faint voices of people shouting but you couldn’t make out who they were. There was a ringing in your ears and shook your head to make it stop.

You attempted to get up but you realized something was pinning you down. You sat up a bit and saw a slab of ceiling pinning your lower half. That slab should have crushed your legs but you noticed a wooden table sticking under it. You let your head fall back on the ground. You were stuck and alone.

“The fuck I’m not,” you heard a familiar voice yell. “I’m not leaving your ass in here.” It was Bucky. You weren’t alone. If Bucky was here, then Steve had to be too. Opening your mouth, you tried to say something but nothing came out.

More debris fell. “Buck,” Steve’s voice rang out clear and it was closer than you imagined. “I’m not going to-“ Then he stopped. You wondered what made him stop talking. “Bucky!” There was a hint of joy in his voice. “Get over here. I found her.”

Within minutes the heaviness was lifted off you. The look of relief flooded Steve’s face as he knelt down and brushed the loose hair from your face. The biggest smile spread across this face as he gathered you into his arms. You couldn’t help but give a pained smile as well, everything felt right now that Steve had you in his arms.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Steve planted a soft kiss to your head. “I got you now.”

Then everything in that moment changed.

As Steve carefully made his way back towards the stairwell, the floor gave out underneath the two of you. Bucky, who was quick to think grabbed the two of you. His metal hand gripped you tight while his other hand gripped his best friend.

Both the weight of you and Steve held Bucky down where he was. There was no possible way Bucky could swing the two of you up. Not without one of you slipping from his grip and losing one of you. You and Steve watched as Bucky tried hard to calculate in this super human brain how to save the two of you. Then part of your hand slipped from Bucky’s metal hand.

Steve’s eyes met with yours. “Bucky, you take care of her.”

“No!” you and Bucky shouted. You were happy to have your voice back again. “Steve,” you continued. “Please don’t do this.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Steve’s eyes started to fill with tears. “I love you.” Steve reached his free hand up and pried Bucky’s hand off his arm. You began to plead and cry for Steve to stop but, you started to slip more from Bucky’s metal hand. Then before your hand could fully fall out of Bucky’s, his flesh hand was already on yours. As Bucky pulled you up, you knew it was too late.

Steve was gone.

***

Your eyes flew up and you sat upright in your bed. Sweat covered your body as if you had been back in that burning, collapsing building. You wiped the sweat from your head and looked at the empty space next to you. The space that had once been Steve’s and it still slightly smelled like him. It was still strong after two months.

The time on Steve’s digital clock read two in the morning. The normal time you’d been waking up since coming back from the hospital. You kicked your legs out of the beg and walked out of the room. You wore pajama bottoms and one of Steve’s shirts.

Entering the kitchen, you saw Bucky sitting at the small island. Bucky, you take care of her, rang through your ears again. And Bucky had. He stayed with you the whole time your were in the hospital. You checked on your countless times that first month. He somehow always knew when you’d be up from a nightmare. That, or Bucky’s and yours nightmares were synced together.

You pulled up a chair next to Bucky as he slid a cup of tea your way. And you guys just sat there while you sipped on your hot tea.

“If there was a way to save him, I would have,” Bucky said softly. Never once had Bucky talked about that day with you. Normally, the two of you would sit in silence for thirty minutes before going back to bed. Tonight was different.

“I know, Buck,” you turned to him and place your hand on his shoulder. “I would have done the same if I were him.” It was true. You would have ripped your hand from Bucky if it meant that Steve would live.

Bucky patted your hand as he met your gaze. You saw how sad he was and you knew he missed Steve probably as much as you did. “You know, I found an engagement ring in his night stand,” You took another sip of your tea. “I think that’s what dinner was supposed to be that night.”

“Y/N,” Bucky leaned back in his chair. He had this look on his face and you knew he didn’t know. “I’m so sorry. If I had known, I would have made sure Steve stayed.”

“But would he have stayed behind?” You asked laughing lightly. You both knew Steve inside and out. Bucky gave a light laugh as well.

“You’re right.”

You thought back to night before that mission. You and Steve had been arguing about you going. If only you knew what your knew now, you would have stayed behind. But you didn’t. You couldn’t understand why Steve kept telling you to stay behind. He didn’t have a good reason and the only to make him shut up about it was to wear that red dress he loves so much on you.

You ignored Steve most of the night at Tony’s party. You talked and drank with your friends and for the hell of it, you let some random dude hit on you while Natasha and Clint took bets on your reaction. Natasha obviously won. You, having had too much to drink, told the poor dude you already had a boyfriend and it was Captain Fucking America.

After that you went and looked for Steve. Once your found him, you pulled him off to a private single bathroom. In no time Steve had your dress unzipped and pooling at your feet. Leaving you only in your lace bra and not so matching underwear. His lips already on your neck as he picked you up and placed you on the counter top.

Within in minutes, Steve had you in a moaning mess as he thrusted himself in and out of you at a hard and fast pace. Your nails were starting to dig into his lower back as you felt your stomach tightening up with the strong orgasm that was coming. Soon, you were crying out in pleasure while Steve filled you up.

He helped you back into your dress and helped get your hair back into place. He peppered a few kisses on your neck, sending a shiver down your back.

“I love you,” he told you before the two of you returned to the party.

The next morning, the same argument resumed about you not going on that mission. At that time you had that pit in your stomach. You told leave to just leave it alone and marched yourself not the that helicopter. You ignored him until he caught your arm before entering that building.

***

You woke up in the hospital. Everything was hazy and blurry but soon you focused on two figures by your side. As soon as your vision started to come back to you, there sat both Natasha and Bucky. They were still in their gear. Bucky’s face had cuts and bruises on it. Just his look alone brought everything back. It felt like getting hit by a semi.

Steve was gone.

You could feel it deep down.

Y/N?” Your eyes flickered towards Natasha’s face. It looked like she was holding it all in. Steve was her best friend. She was the one who brought you into the team. She was the one to introduce you and Steve. She watched the both of you fall in love. You did’t know it at the time but Natasha was there when Steve bought the ring.

“We found him,” her eyes fell to the floor. You knew it wasn’t good.

Bucky leaned forward and took your hand, but you pulled it back. You weren’t sure about how you felt towards him. Not yet anyways. “The entire fourth floor fell on him after the final explosion. He didn’t make it.”

The world around you froze. You slowly turned away from Natasha and Bucky. You stared at the blank wall and let the silent tears fall down your face. You covered your mouth to keep the sob from slipping from your lips. But it failed. The sob echoed around the room. You hugged yourself as you let yourself cry.

“I’ll go find a doctor,” Natasha said softly before leaving the room.

You felt Bucky’s hand on your arm and this time you didn’t pull back at his touch. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. You could tell by the shakiness in his voice, Bucky was close to tears as well.

You lost the love of your life.

Bucky lost his best friend.

***

You stared at the head stone that read ROGERS in big bold letters. One part of your brain was still trying to convince you that all of this was just a silly nightmare. That you’d be waking up soon to Steve’s strong and warm arms pulling you in close. But you knew better. Even though you wanted this to be just a dream and to have the man you loved back in your life.

“Oh, Steve,” you whispered tracing the letters of his name. “I miss you like crazy. Bucky's been real good too. We’re keeping each other in some sort of check. We’ll be fine.”

Light footsteps stop next you and from the corner of your eye, you see Bucky sit next to you. The two of you did this once a week. You’d get out of compound and just sit at Steve’s grave for a few hours. Either talking and telling stories or just enjoying the silence and weather.

“With everything going on,” You said taking thew water bottle Bucky offered you. “I didn’t catch it. Why everything has been hitting me harder and why my emotions are through the roof. I should have caught this.”

“What’s that?” Bucky asked.

“I took three pregnancy tests,” You looked at Bucky. “They all read positive.”

Bucky choked back on his water. “What? How far along?”

“About two months, I think.” You down at your hands. “The night before the mission, Steve and I snuck away from Tony’s party.”

Bucky stared at you, the ground and turned to look at Steve’s headstone. “Steve’s final wish was for me to take care of you.” He rested his metal hand on my leg. “And that’s what I’m going to do. You and Steve’s kid aren’t going to be alone at all.”

And Bucky did just that.

***Eight Years Later***

You sat on the porch watch a little blonde hair blue eyed boy play in the yard. He had on a small Captain America costume on, wielding a small shield. The two things gifted to him on his seventh birthday by your old team members. They loved your son dearly, especially Natasha who had all the good stories about Steve to tell him.

Your son was aware of who his birth father was. He was also aware of the sacrifice he made. His eyes would always light up when he heard stories of his father. His little smile was the same as Steve’s. It made you happy. That’s when you realized that Wanda had been right all those years ago. The pain had somewhat gone away. It lingered here and there sometimes when you thought about Steve and how you did this life without him knowing his son. A son who was exactly like him. The love that Steve gave to you never left. It reflected back through your son.

“Still going at it, I see,” Bucky sat next to you and handed you a glass of water.

Just like Bucky promised, you and your son weren’t alone at all. He was there for every appointment. He was there for the odd midnight cravings. He was there when you went into labor and stayed by your side for two days until it ended with an emergency C-section that had almost ended your life. He was even there for all the sleepless nights helping out with nightly feedings and soiled diapers. When you quit the Avengers, so did he.

Bucky was always there.

You didn’t know how it happened but falling for Bucky wasn’t apart of the plan at all. It was slow and unexpected. It scared the hell out of both you. But the two of you slowly went with it. Soon it wasn’t just small, gentle kisses on the cheek or lips brushing on your neck. It slowly turned into long nights of making love and learning to love someone again.

Now years later, you and Bucky had been married for five years. You guys lived on the outskirts of town in a two story house with a nice white picket fence. It had been perfect for you guys.

“He’s fallen like five times with that thing, but he always gets back up,” you rested your head on Bucky’s shoulder and he placed a kiss on it.

“Very much like Steve,” Bucky chuckled. “You know, if he takes after Steve, he will be more than a handful when he’s older. How are you feeling today, Doll?” Bucky’s metal hand rested on your bulging belly. You were about seven months pregnant.

“This one seems to be kicking my ass,” you shifted around on the porch bench. “They always seem to be in my ribs, trying to push outward.”

Bucky leaned down. “Take it easy there kiddo.” His blue eyes lookED up at you and it made your heart flutter.

“Dad?” A small voice brought both you and Bucky up right. Those bright blue eyes looked at the two of you. Breathing deeply after having probably ran as fast as he could. Despite knowing who is birth father was, he always called Bucky dad.

“What’s up sport?” Bucky turned his entire attention to the little boy in front of you guys.

“Are you going to tell me the real story of how you got that metal arm?”

“Like I said last week, when you’re older,” Bucky leaned forward with a smirk. “But I’ll tell you it was a secret organization. Now, go get washed up, dinner is almost ready.”

You saw your sons eyes light up and mouth fall open. “What secret organization?” He asked in wonder.

“Steve,” the two of you said the boys names at the same time.

“Okay, okay,” he backed up and ran inside.

You and Bucky exchanged a look. “He’s going to find out the truth one day,” You said slowly getting off the bench. Bucky helped steady you.

“Just like his dad.”

The End

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banditthewriter · 4 years

Text

Redolence - Billy Russo - 1

This is my A/B/O fic that I’ve been working on for a while. I use a comprehensive set of warnings so please be mindful. If you have questions or concerns, shoot me a message!

Redolence: the quality of smelling strongly of something or of having qualities (especially smells) that make you think of something else

Summary: The reader is an Omega who works at a Companion Center that helps the Alphas through their ruts. She gets a request from an Alpha named Billy Russo. An immediate connection builds into more as the two of them navigate the ins and outs of the society they live in and the feelings their connection brings out of them.

Warnings: Smut. No really, lots of smut. Also angst because yeah. Sex in various positions. Oral sex (male and female receiving.) The reader does sleep with other Alphas but it is only ever mentioned, never described. Some talk of slave trade, not detailed. Angry sex. Unprotected sex. Reader experiences a bad panic attack that is described.

Tags are at the bottom. Let me know if you would like to be added to one of my tag lists!

*gif is mine*

Enjoy!

*****

"Why do we do this job again?"

You tilted your head back to see your best friend and fellow Omega on her back with a frown on her face. Karen Page was scowling at her phone.

"Is that your Alpha?"

And there it was, an attractive blush over her cheeks. If anything could get her out of her sour puss mood, it was mention of her Alpha.

"He's not my Alpha," she stressed even as her blush grew darker, "he's just an Alpha I happen to see a lot."

Since the two of you were in the common room, you didn’t remind her that she saw him outside of the Companion Center where the two of you lived and worked. If someone overheard, Karen and her Alpha would be in serious trouble.

Alpha and Omega relationships weren't forbidden. In fact if an Alpha and an Omega started a relationship after meeting in the Companion Center, it was seen as a successful union. But there were proper channels and a process to it.

Plus it meant Karen would have to leave the center. She'd either get her own apartment or move in with her Alpha, a military man named Frank Castle.

But for the sake of clarity, you reminded Karen why you both did this job.

"We work here because we both make more money in a month than we could in six months or a year at a job on the outside."

It was true. The normal salary for an Omega at the Companion Center was a few thousand dollars a month. Since they didn't have to pay rent or utilities, money was spent on decorating their homes and things like clothes or groceries.

Everything else was savings. You yourself had a very nice chunk of change in a savings account for when you left the center permanently.

Karen sighed and put her phone down on her chest.

"He says his rut is in a few weeks," she explained quietly.

Ah, so that's why she was frowning. That was, after all, the purpose of the Companion Center and the reason the two of them met.

When an Alpha knows their rut is coming, they go to the Companion Center to pick an Omega. You hadn't seen the choosing room but you imagined a large book with scratch and sniff stickers. Alphas would be given your name and a receptor with your scent and that was how they picked which Omega to spend their rut with.

They could request the same Omega after that, if they were happy with the results the first time. That's how Karen and Frank got to know each other before they randomly met in the city when Karen was running errands.

And now they talked daily.

If Frank's rut was coming up, it meant he'd come to the center and request to see Karen. That in itself was fine, but you had the feeling that Karen was starting to resent her job a little bit.

It had to feel weird to have feelings for a man you met at the center. The whole purpose was to come in and have casual sex with someone you didn't know.

Well, the purpose was more nuanced than that, but that's what it boiled down to. The Omegas were there to help the Alphas during their rut. It wasn't supposed to be romantic or meaningful.

You understood the protestations of society about Companion Centers. They likened it to prostitution or being a sex slave. But you didn't feel that way.

Alphas didn't pay for the service, so you weren't a prostitute. You got paid for being a Companion which wasn't always sex. Some Alphas came to the center for companionship. Omegas came to the center to learn about their physiology. It wasn't always sex, so you weren't a sex slave.

You weren't a slave at all. You picked this job. Sure, you lived and worked at the center, but you were free to leave. And you could go out to the city anytime you wanted.

Stories of Omegas being trafficked for Alphas in ruts were rampant in the city though. And female Omegas were often taken for forced breeding with Alphas as that was the most surefire way to get an Alpha child.

You gave Karen's hand a comforting pat, unsure what you could say that would make her feel better. Then you pushed yourself off the floor where you had settled and stood up, cracking your back a bit as you did.

"I'm going to go make dinner. Give me a call if you want to watch a movie or something."

Karen gave you a welcome smile before you turned and headed to the elevator.

The elevators in the center worked differently than most. It didn't just move up and down, but also horizontally. The center was some thirty stories high and a few football fields in length. It held a hundred living quarters for Omegas.

The Alpha would get in the elevator on the main floor and the controller would send them to the Omega they had picked. It would go to the floor and then rotate until it found the correct apartment.

Not unlike a vending machine which was ironic.

You got into the elevator and scanned your wrist where you wore your ID tag. It told the elevator which apartment was yours. It also told people in the city that you were an Omega at the Companion Center and therefore protected.

The elevator came to a stop at your apartment and you got out. Down the short hallway, you scanned your ID tag once more to be let in. This way only you were allowed in your room unless you opened the door for the other person. It was for the safety of the Omega.

In your apartment, you started for the kitchen but a gentle chime made you hesitate. The touchscreen next to the door was lit up with a message.

You tapped the corner which brought the message to full screen.

Alpha 659437 - William Russo requests Companionship

You had been requested. You clicked on the name and waited for the information to load. There wasn't much, but there never was.

Thirty six years old, previous military, currently a businessman. There were physical traits but you never read through those.

Back on the first screen you finally saw the time requested. It was for that same day in just a few hours. Usually companion requests were sent a few days ahead of time, but maybe this Alpha hadn't been aware that his rut was on its way.

You tapped a green square at the bottom of the screen after you read the information. It thanked you for accepting the Alpha’s request before the screen went dark.

With an Alpha on the way, you didn't have time to make dinner. Instead you checked your fridge to make sure you had enough food and water for the evening to come. Satisfied, you grabbed a protein bar and headed into your bedroom.

It was clean except for some dirty clothes which you put into the hamper and then put into your closet. Then you stripped your bed and put those in a separate hamper to wash later.

In a separate closet were rows of vacuum sealed bags that you removed. The routine was familiar after a few years. These sheets were washed with unscented detergent so that the Alpha wouldn't be assaulted with too many different scents. You put them on the bed and pillows. Next was a quilt from one of the vacuum sealed bags.

Bed made, you finished your protein bar. It wasn't much, but you'd grab a second one after your shower.

That was next in the routine. In your bathroom there were bottles of different scented shampoos and body washes. Instead you pulled out a few items from a grey box that was under your sink. You set out a few on the counter that the Alpha could use if he needed. Then you grabbed yours from the box.

Unscented soap, unscented shampoo and conditioner, vacuum sealed washcloth and towel.

After you had showered and dried off, you pulled out some clothes to wear. Plain underwear and a sports bra paired with a pair of soft yoga pants and a t-shirt. These were clean but they weren't vacuum sealed. This way they held your scent enough that the Alpha would recognize you from the choosing room where they had picked out your scent.

And also to get them used to your scent before their rut took hold. At that point, they'd be smelling a lot of you.

You only had about thirty minutes to kill at that point so you went into the kitchen and grabbed another protein bar. While you munched on that, you pulled out some food to set on the table.

Some Alphas wanted a meal first, to talk and get to know their Omega companion. Some wanted to watch television or just talk. A few had played cards with you.

Some Alphas just wanted to go straight to bed. Those were your least favorite. They made you feel like some sort of commodity, just something for them to use. They were also the ones that left immediately after.

You, like most Omegas at the Companion Center, preferred the Alphas that talked to you like a human. They were grateful for your help during their rut. An Alpha without someone to spend their rut with was miserable. The ones that just treated you like a thing to use? Those made your skin craw.

The time ticked by slowly, but finally your touchscreen chimed. You clicked on the view and saw that a tall man was in the hallway with the elevator doors closing behind him. The camera wasn’t very high tech so you couldn’t make out any of his physical characteristics, but you didn’t need to.

You pressed the button on the touchscreen that activated the speaker.

"Alpha ID?"

The man looked at the door in confusion until he saw the speaker and camera. Then he gave it a nod.

"659437."

You released the speaker button and then unlocked the door. When you pulled it all the way open, you were surprised by what you saw. His face was scarred, but there was more than that. Even with those scars, he was terribly handsome. Dark eyes and long lashes, some facial hair spread over the unscarred parts of his cheeks, a mouth that was downturned into a frown.

You bet he looked beautiful when he smiled.

“Please come in,” you said as you waved him into your apartment. “Make yourself at home.”

He hesitated a moment and you felt a frown tug at your own lips. It wouldn’t be the first time you’d been turned down by an Alpha when they got to your apartment, but it never got easier. Just as you started to build yourself up to tell him he could go back down and pick someone else, he stepped across the threshold.

You shut the door behind him and watched as he looked around. His hands were fisted at his side as he stood stiffly in the middle of your entryway. But at least he was inside. You could fall onto your companion training.

“Do you want something to eat? Or drink? I have some stuff laid out if you’re hungry,” you said as you moved around him to the table, letting him see the options. “I can also make something if you’d prefer.”

He turned to face you and you noticed that the frown wasn’t as fierce as it was before. Now he just seemed confused.

“Do you always feed Alphas when they come by?”

He had a bit of a New York accent that made you want to smile, but you didn’t. You didn’t want him to think you were laughing at him. Instead you shrugged a shoulder and met his eyes.

“If you are hungry, sure. If you aren’t hungry, we can sit and watch television for a bit. Or just talk, if you’d prefer,” you offered as you gestured towards the couch and loveseat in the living room.

He still looked confused. With a nod, he moved into the living room and sat down on one of the couches. You followed his lead and moved to sit on the loveseat, keeping yourself near to him but not crowding him. He looked uncomfortable.

He was thirty six; surely this wasn’t his first time at the Companion Center? Going that long without a partner for his rut would make him nearly feral once it hit. The center was usually careful with that, but perhaps they missed something.

You needed to put him at ease, so you continued with your training.

“What would you like me to call you? Alpha Russo? William?”

He shook his head at that. You were wondering if maybe you weren’t to call him anything when he finally spoke.

“Billy. You can call me Billy.”

Billy. You wondered if it fit the man on your couch. He looked more like a William, mature and in charge, but maybe Billy would grow on you.

“Alright Billy. You can call me Y/N if you would like.”

Always defer to what they wanted, always give them the choice. These were things that you had learned early in your training and it was the easiest to fall back on. But Billy was still sitting stiffly on the couch.

It would be rude to ask if this was his first time at the Companion Center. It would be rude to question why he was requesting a companion if it seemed like he didn’t actually want one.

Instead you moved to the edge of the cushion you were on and waited for his eyes to meet yours once more.

“Billy, you seem tense. Would you like me to rub your shoulders? Just to help you relax a bit.”

He seemed surprised. There was a long moment before he gave a nod, giving you permission. You stood up and slowly moved to stand behind the couch. Then you carefully placed the backs of your hands against his shoulders. It gave him a moment to prepare and accept that someone—an Omega—was behind him. Alphas were notorious for attacking when they felt threatened so you were trained to never be threatening.

Once you were sure he would not flinch or attack, you pressed your palms to his shoulders. You could feel the tension that he held there. As you started to press in with your thumbs, you started up a thread of conversation.

“Did you see that it’s going to storm for the entire weekend? The weather channel said we’re going to record amounts of rain.”

You kept up the ministrations of your hands as you talked to him about the weather. His responses were monosyllabic, but at least he was responding. And you could feel a little relaxation in his shoulders as you worked.

“I’m sorry for being… awkward,” he finished in a tone that was closer to self deprecation and humor than you had expected.

“Nothing to apologize for,” you promised as you rested your hands on his shoulders. “Do you want me to continue?”

There was a moment of hesitation before he nodded jerkily. You continued your work while talking to him about a movie you had seen recently.

The massage actually held two benefits. It would loosen him up a bit, sure, but it also got him used to your touch and scent. You were sure to turn your wrists towards him as often as you could and make it seem natural. The scent glands in the wrists were gentle and not overbearing so it was the easiest way to get a new Alpha used to your scent.

“The last time I came to the center, it wasn’t like this,” he admitted as you worked on a particularly stubborn knot near his shoulder blade.

Your hands paused for a moment at that. You did some math in your head and then let out a breath.

“You haven’t been to the center in over five years?”

That’s when the change happened, when the Betas that ran the center changed the protocols from just sex to companionship.

“I was deployed for some of that. Then I started a business right after I got out. And I was in recovery for a while.”

His scars. You remembered that he had been in the military and now he was a businessman. It wasn’t unusual for the body to shut down the mating response while under all that stress, plus the military used suppressants. And if he was injured, which obviously he was, his body would have been focused on healing rather than mating.

But that made you pause for a different reason.

With one hand still on him at all times, you moved to stand beside the couch where he was sitting. You didn’t want to break the contact and you told yourself it was because you didn’t want to lose this connection the two of you had started.

“Billy, I have a question that I normally wouldn’t ask an Alpha, especially not on our first meeting. Will you permit me to ask a personal question?”

He closed his eyes—more of a wince than anything else.

“Go ahead.”

You gave his shoulder a brief squeeze, letting him feel that you were still there. With his eyes closed, you definitely didn’t want to take your hand away from him.

“How long has it been since your last rut?”

His eyes popped open and you immediately yanked your hand away from his shoulder, despite your training that fast movements weren’t a good idea. His hand shot out and wrapped around your wrist, but there wasn’t any violence in the touch.

It was more like he just wanted the contact. Like he needed it maybe. He tugged your wrist closer to him and you watched as he stared down at the inside of your wrist.

“I thought you were going to ask what happened,” he said as if he was addressing your wrist.

You opened your mouth as that sank in. That’s why he had reacted the way he had when you asked. It made sense, but you would never be so impertinent as to ask that kind of question. You were about to relay as much to him, but he shook his head and began speaking once more.

“I had a rut before my accident, but I didn’t have a… companion, I guess. I got through it alone. They usually come on pretty quickly for me and I didn’t have a chance to get to the center before it hit fully.”

You slowly reached out with your free hand and covered his with yours.

“That must be difficult. But you’re here now. I’ll take good care of you Billy.”

It was something you usually said to the Alphas. You meant it in an all encompassing kind of way, like you providing food and a massage if they needed it. Billy nodded his head, his eyes still on your wrist. You watched as he raised it up, but all he did was press his nose to the soft skin there.

His skin felt warm. And by the way he was checking your scent, he was getting closer to his rut taking hold.

“Would you stand for me?”

He opened his eyes slowly, blinking them lazily as if he had been getting lost in your scent. Then he gave a nod as if he had just heard your question. You stood up and he followed suit, still holding on to your wrist. Once he was standing, you stepped backwards so that he would have to step with you.

Two more steps and then you were away from the couches. He followed almost as if he was entranced, but you could see a flush rising to his skin. You didn’t think he was the kind to blush, so it was more that his rut was starting to take hold. Of course he had just been inhaling the scent of an Omega, so it wasn’t a surprise that his rut was kicking in.

“We’re going to go to the bedroom now,” you said softly as you stepped into his space, seeing his eyes become heavy lidded as he looked down at you.

His irises were so dark that you almost couldn’t see the pupil. Or maybe it was just that his pupils were so large right then.

You led him towards your bedroom with his hand still wrapped around your wrist. Across the threshold, you glanced back and caught his eyes roaming over your body. You felt a little gratified by the look in his eye and that was intensified by the sight of him getting hard in his jeans.

Shit. You couldn’t remember the last time you were actually attracted to an Alpha that had requested you. And you definitely couldn’t remember the last time you’d gotten hot under the collar at the way they reacted to you.

In the safety of the bedroom, you lowered the lighting so that it wasn’t so bright. Then you moved so that you were both next to the bed. You could see the rise and fall of his chest as his breathing started to race.

“Do you want to start like this? Or do you want to go ahead and get undressed?”

You barely got the question out before he was kicking off his shoes and socks. As he fought with the zipper of his jeans, you raised your hands to your shirt. His hands clasped around your wrists and he shook his head.

“I want to do that,” he breathed in a low voice as he stepped closer to you.

With his jeans unbuttoned and open, he grabbed the hem of your shirt and pulled it off of you. Once that was off, he pulled off his own shirt.

He had scars. You expected it after seeing his face, but the reality was different. You fought back the urge to trace them with your fingers. His hands moved to the bottom of your sports bra and he pulled that off of you as well.

For the first time since he had touched your wrist, he looked uncertain. You grabbed his hands and pressed them on your ribs, letting him feel you take a deep breath that way.

“You can touch me,” you said in a soft voice, your mouth feeling a bit dry at the feel of his hands on your skin.

His hands slid up your sides to cup your breasts. You felt his thumbs brush over your nipples and you bit your lip to keep from making an incredibly embarrassing noise. He did it again and this time you let your head fall forward at the feeling.

Then his hands were gone, but only long enough for him to shed his jeans and briefs. He stood before you completely nude. With your head tilted, you could look as much as you wanted without being caught. And yeah, he was beautiful all the way down.

His hands were back on your skin, but this time they moved down your body. His fingers hooked under the waistband of your yoga pants and the underwear you wore under them. He tugged them down over your hips and thighs, letting you kick them off.

Now you were both bare. His eyes were all over your body. You wanted more than his eyes though. You wanted his hands on your body. You grabbed his wrists and moved his hands to your sides once more. One of his hands went up to your breast again, but the other moved down. It went over your hip to your thigh, the tips of his fingers pressing into the swell of your ass. He tugged you close as he did that, your bodies so close you could feel the heat from him.

“Y/N?”

It was the first time he’d said your name. You blinked up at him and hoped that he couldn’t tell how hazy you were just then. His eyes looked crystal clear as he stared down at you.

With your head tilted up to him, he leaned in as if he was going to kiss you. Only he stopped a few inches away. Realizing that he wasn’t going to take that step without your permission, you surged up to kiss him. The touch of his lips against yours seemed to set a fire inside of him.

Warmth spread over your body from him. His hands moved to grip your hips, tugging you up so that you had to wrap your legs around his waist. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders as you kissed him, sucking on his tongue and panting harshly against his mouth. Then everything was topsy turvy until you felt your back against the bed.

He had tipped the two of you over. It put the weight of him resting between your legs. You put your feet against the bed and rolled your hips upwards, grinding up against his cock. He pushed your hips down and leaned over you, kissing you hard once more.

As an Omega, your sex drive usually mirrored that of the Alpha you were with when they were in a rut. You felt like you were going to combust if Billy didn’t get inside of you soon so you could only imagine how he was feeling. And with him having so few ruts in the last few years, you weren’t exactly sure what to expect.

He pulled your hands from around his sides and pressed them down against the bed on either side of your head. His fingers lingered on your wrists as he kissed you, his tongue sliding against yours. When he pulled away, it was to kiss across your jaw and down your neck, inhaling over your scent glands. His teeth scraped against your collarbone and you rolled your hips up into his again.

When he finally released your wrists, it was so that his hands could go down your body. His hands went to your thighs and spread them wider. Then he was kissing his way down your body. You looked down to watch as he kissed across your thighs. He pressed his nose into the junction of your thigh and your pelvis and took a deep breath. The scent glands there were the strongest, but you hadn’t expected him to pay much attention to it.

Most Alphas were more interested in their own pleasure, but Billy didn’t seem to be in any rush to get inside you. Instead his hand went between your legs. His fingers rubbed between your folds, finding you already dripping wet. He made a pleased noise at finding the wetness there. You were sure he would put his fingers inside of you then, give you something, but instead he spread your folds and lowered his mouth to your clit.

“Fuck,” you moaned as your hand went to the back of his head to hold him close, your hips moving to grind your pussy against his mouth.

His tongue lapped up at your wetness, sliding up the length of your slit. Then he focused attention on your clit, sucking and circling his tongue around the bundle of nerves. His fingers moved lower. His middle finger went in first, curling upwards to brush against your g-spot. He fucked it in and out of you while he focused his mouth on your aching clit.

You were lost in the feeling that he was causing. All you could do is ride it out as he added a second finger. The fingers moved faster and faster, slamming into you harder. It was so close to what you really needed. That and the suction of his mouth on your clit had your back arching as your orgasm rocked over you.

Usually you’d come when the Alpha did, but you could probably count on one hand the number of Alphas who wanted to make you come before they did. Most Alphas were more focused on their pleasure.

Billy pulled away from your pussy, wiping his mouth as he did. His tongue ran along his bottom lip and you clenched around the fingers still inside of you. His eyes moved down to where he was inside of you, grinning at the feeling. He pumped the fingers in you a few times before he sat up completely.

“Do you have condoms?”

You leaned up on one arm and leaned over to your bedside table. Inside was a new box and you pulled it out. You had a feeling you were going to need a new box after tonight.

He opened the box and then pulled out one of the condoms. He opened the foil and then held it out to you.

“Put it on me.”

There was a thread of the Alpha compulsion in his voice, but you didn’t think he was doing it on purpose. You grabbed it from him to slide it on him, jerking his cock a few times just because you couldn’t help yourself. It was like the perfect length and girth, fit perfectly in your hand.

An image of your mouth on it made your pussy clench again, but thankfully he didn’t feel it this time. Usually any time you gave oral was because the Alpha requested it. You’d never wanted to do it as badly as you did right then.

Once the condom was on him, you started to roll over. Most Alphas preferred the first time to be with the Omega on their hands and knees. But Billy grabbed your hip and refused to let you roll over completely. Instead he wrapped your leg around his hips. He guided his cock to your entrance, but didn’t push in.

You weren’t sure what he was waiting for. You tried to pull him closer, but it wasn’t enough. There was pressure building and you could feel the heat from him. You needed him inside of you soon.

“Please Billy,” you pleaded, your breath catching on his name.

That must have been what he was waiting for because you barely got his full name out before he was sliding inside of you. His cock stretched you more than his fingers had. You squeezed around his cock as he rocked shallowly. Once he was sure your body was ready, he pulled almost all the way out and then slammed his hips forward. His thrusts were a tease, not nearly enough.

You reached one hand up and ran it over his head, desperate for more from him. He inhaled deeply at your wrist before he leaned in to kiss you. After a few desperate, panting kisses, his thrusts became wilder and more forceful. You could feel as he lost himself to the full throes of his rut. His hips pistoned between your thighs, slamming his cock into you over and over. You scratched over his back and shoulders, desperate to keep him close. Somewhere between the forceful thrusts and his mouth against yours, you felt a second orgasm build low in your stomach. As it crashed over you, Billy let out a growl against your mouth.

A pleased growl, at that. You could feel his pleasure at making you come again. And now you wanted that pleasure. You clenched around his cock as best as you could, rolling your hips to meet his thrusts. His skin was almost feverish under your hands so you knew that he was close. He buried his face into your neck, his mouth biting down on the skin there as his thrusts became erratic.

You took the moment to inhale his scent. The smell of Billy was mixed with sex and the spice from his rut but it all smelled so good to you. You let out a long moan as you felt his cock spill inside the condom. You felt the twitching as his cock drained and you let your head roll back at the feeling.

He kept his weight from pressing down on you, but he waited to pull out. When he did, you felt empty and couldn’t help as your pussy clenched around nothing. You didn’t have to feel empty long before his fingers were inside of you again.

“I don’t know how long it’ll take,” he said as he pumped his fingers in and out of you lazily, “but I can still feel it as strongly as I did before. It could be a while before my rut is over.”

With as irregular as his ruts had been for the last few years, you imagined it’d last for a while. Most Alphas would get two or three major orgasms and then the rut would pass over them. But if Billy didn’t feel any difference after that orgasm? And your own body still felt like a live wire.

Although you did wonder how much of that was you mirroring him and how much of it was just that he was probably the best sex you’d ever had.

He pulled his fingers out of you long enough to rid himself of his condom. He grabbed a second one but didn’t have to ask for you to put it on him this time. You took it from him and slid it over his still hard cock. You leaned in and wrapped your mouth around the head of his cock, sucking on it as best you could with the condom on him. The latex taste of the condom wasn’t pleasant, but the warmth of him in your mouth was almost worth it.

You were pulled off of his cock and then rolled over. This time you were on your stomach, but it didn’t feel like how it usually did with Alphas. He didn’t make you present yourself for him. He raised your hips and tucked a pillow under them, but he didn’t force your face into the bed as he slid into you. His hands still moved over your body as he fucked you this time, playing with your nipples and then moving under you to play with your clit. You ached with need as you thrust backwards against him.

It was like he knew when you needed it harder, when you needed more from him. You clenched around his cock as he pounded into you from behind, your whole body shaking as you took everything he had to give. This time your orgasm rocked over you and made you cry out, biting down onto your own wrist to keep from screaming his name. And it was only moments later that you felt his cock pulse inside you once more.

This time he stayed inside you longer, his thighs flexing in an effort to keep from pounding into you again. When he finally pulled out to remove the condom, you rolled over to watch him.

“How are you feeling?”

He looked over his shoulder at you and then away just as quickly.

“Still in my rut,” he said defensively under his breath.

You crawled across the bed and placed your hand on his back. When he didn’t shy away, you moved so that you could drape yourself over his back, your arms going around his chest and holding him.

“I’m not asking because I want this to be over quicker. I just want to make sure you’re okay. Do you need something to drink? Some food? A foot rub?”

From where your chin was propped on his shoulder, you could see the tiniest of smiles on his face. And then it was neutral once more.

“Something to drink would be nice.”

You squeezed his shoulders as you got up. There was a robe hanging near your bedroom door and you tugged that on as you walked into the living room. With two bottles of Gatorade in hand, you went back to the bedroom to see that Billy had gotten situated on the bed with his back against the headboard and his legs partially spread.

His cock was still hard. You licked your lips as you tore your eyes away, but not before you caught his smirk again.

“Come here,” he said with another small thread of compulsion. This time you thought he might have done it on purpose.

You crawled onto the bed and handed him his drink. After both of you drained about half of the bottles, he put them to the side and pulled you into his lap and tugged your robe off. He grabbed another condom and put it on before he settled you over him with one leg on each side. This gave you more leverage as you lowered yourself onto his cock.

“Just like this,” he said softly into your ear as he thrust up into you.

You held on to his shoulders as you rode him, meeting his thrusts with your own. This position was intense for a reason beyond just the angle. There was an intimacy to this that you hadn’t experienced the few other times you’d ended up in this position. The intensity in Billy’s eyes as he fucked you made your chest hurt.

What was it about this Alpha that set him so far apart from others? Why were you on pins and needles around him? And why was sleeping with him like nothing you’d ever felt before?

This time you both came at the same time. You gasped at the feeling of clenching around his cock while he spilled inside the condom. His hands were tight on your hips, holding you down against him. As if you’d want to get away.

You slumped on top of him, your body protesting the number of orgasms you’d already wrung out of it. And you could still sense that Billy was in his rut.

You’d have to take a few days after this one before you could become active again. You had a feeling you were going to be sore.

He lifted you off of his cock and went to dispose of the condom again. This time when he got into the bed, he didn’t immediately reach out for you. You leaned onto your side so that you could watch him settle down on his back.

He was starting to come down from his rut, but you didn’t think that would last. This was how it normally was, with time between cycles. There’d be anywhere from twenty minutes to an hour before his body would feel feverish and he’d need to take you again.

“Would you like some time alone?”

Billy rolled over to look at you. He shook his head after a long moment. When you felt his hand brush against you this time, you knew it wasn’t sexual. This was where the companion part came in. Some Alphas wanted to be alone between their rut cycles, but some wanted contact. It seemed Billy was one of the latter.

You moved to lean against his side, your body pressed along his from shoulder to ankle. The closeness would trigger his rut cycle quicker, but it would do good for him as well.

“Just rest,” you told him as you brushed your lips against a scar on his shoulder.

It was going to be a long night for both of you.

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#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo imagine #billy russo fanfic #my writing #redolence

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phantoms-lair · 4 years

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MSA Secret Santa

@accidental-child

Arthur sighed, leaning against the steering wheel of the van. The bus was a little late, but that wasn’t unexpected. Not out here at any rate.

There was a small selfish part of himself that wished he hadn’t picked up the phone that day. It was selfish - and ridiculous. The call had been at the garage, he needed to answer those calls!

It had been some great Aunt, or far removed cousin. He wasn’t quite sure how they were related. Apparently her son was originally going to spend summer break with one of his friends, but their trip had been cut short. The problem was said parents and their daughter had already made other arrangements and wanted to know if the aforementioned son could stay with Lance.

The problem was, Lance wasn’t there and wouldn’t be for a while. He was off on a road trip with some of his old buddies from his days when he absolutely positively was not a wrestler. It was a well overdue vacation and Arthur wasn’t going to call him back from it.

But something stopped him from just turning her down. It wasn’t her, but… it was the idea that their current plans ‘couldn’t be altered’. Lance had planned his trip to originally be last year, but he’d dropped everything after Arthur had turned up in a hospital without an arm. Also that they were reaching out to family that wasn’t that close at all made Arthur wonder if the closer relatives had also had plans that couldn’t be altered. It stank too much of no one wanting this kid, and damned if he was going to add to that

So here he was, waiting for a cousin he’d never met who’d be spending a month with him. He didn’t think it would matter so much if he wasn’t the age he was - 18. Younger would have been easier to slip into a child-guardian relationship and older meant this wouldn’t have been an issue in the first place. But 18 was an age of feeling you were coming into your own authority, and much more likely to take onus with someone a mere five years older than you being in charge.

The bus pulled up and Arthur braced himself. Two figures got off the bus, his cousin and...a dog? A rather large dog at that. Something else Aunt Wendy had forgot to mention. Hopefully it was good with other dogs and hamsters.

Pushing his misgivings aside, Arthur left the van with a big welcoming smile. No need to borrow trouble till it was here. “Hi, you must be Norville, right?”

The teen winced. “Like, call me Shaggy please. I hate Norville.”

“Done and done.” Arthur agreed readily. “The name Norville is thus dead and shall never be spoken from mine lips again.”

“Ri’m Scooby Doo.”

Another talking dog, huh. “Just to make certain, you’re not actually an ancient kitsune with an evil Japanese tree after you?”

“Like, not that we know of?” Shaggy looked confused. So did Scooby so Arthur let it slide.

“Okay, let’s get some food, and we can figure out stuff out.” Apparently he said the right word, because his cousin and dog perked up a lot. “Let me help you with your bags.” “Is your arm metal?” Shaggy asked, surprised.

“Sure is, made it myself.” Arthur wiggled his fingers at him, inwardly bracing himself. “That’s cool.” Shaggy said earnestly, picking up his other suitcase.

No ‘How did that happen?’ or ‘That must be so terrible’? Okay, thus far Arthur was counting this as a win.

“So,” Arthur started as they slid into a booth at Pepper Paradiso, “Let’s go over your options.”

“Options?” Shaggy asked, surprised.

“Yeah, you have two main options, and we can tweak them as need be. The first is what I told your Mom. You come to stay with me and my boyfriend and girlfriend. We’ve set up a spare room for you, and Scooby I guess, sorry no one told us he was coming.” “If you’d prefer not to deal with three people being kinda mushy, or just want more privacy I’d give you a key to Lance’s place. You could stay in my old room and basically have the house to yourself. I’d still be checking in everyday and making sure you had food and stuff, but other than that, you’d be on your own.”

Shaggy seemed to think a moment. “You have a boyfriend and a girlfriend? You can do that?” “Yes.” Arthur answered simply.

“Okay, like if it’s all the same, man, I’d rather stay with you. I don’t think me or Scoob want to be alone.”

Arthur tried not to take it as a warning sign. True, most teens would jump at the first chance to be on their own, but that was hardly universal. There was a small feeling that something was wrong, not just parental negligence. What, he didn’t know. And truthfully it could be nothing. Arthur had a tendency to jump to worst case scenarios (catastrophizing, his therapist had called it), so for now he’d wait and see.

“So is this the mysterious cousin?” Mrs Chef Pepper came over, winking .

“Yeah, this is Shaggy. Shaggy, this is one half of the best cooking team in Tempo, and honestly Texas.”

“Flatterer. My name’s Carmella Pepper. My husband’s running the kitchen, so I have the front end today. I assume the usual, Arthur?” “With no Cayenne additions, please.”

“She’s banned from the kitchen after the last hot sauce-strawberry shake.” Carmella assured him. “What about you, Shaggy?”

Shaggy looked at the menu. “Like, could Scoob and I each get a ‘Vivi Special’ “ he pointed to the menu.

She raised an eyebrow. With the exception of its namesake, the Vivi Special was usually ordered to be shared by a family. She’d never seen an order of two of them. “Do you want the plate of spicy chorizo or pancake poppers?” Scooby and Shaggy looked at each other. “One of each please. And, like separate checks? Mom set up an account for me for food and stuff.” Arthur tried to hide his relief. One extra mouth he could feed. Two more Vivi appetites would have strained his budget beyond feasibility.

~ “Lewis, Vivi— we’re home!” Arthur called, letting himself and his two guests in.

“Welcome home, Arty.” Lewis greeted, pulling his boyfriend in for a kiss. “So this must be Nor-”

“The name is not to be spoken. It has been cast into the abyss and replaced with Shaggy.” Arthur said with a completely straight face. “It has become one with the void.” Lewis rolled his eyes. “Sorry for the melodramatic one, I’m Lewis. Lewis Pepper.”

Shaggy shook his hand while Arthur sputtered over Lewis calling him melodramatic. “Pepper, like the people who run the restaurant?” “My parents.” Lewis explained.

“Wow, like they’re great cooks, man. It’s the first place me and Scooby found that we could be full off one thing on the menu.” “If you can call the ‘Vivi Special’ one thing.” Arthur quipped.

“Someone call me?” Vivi slid into the front room, literally, her socks holding no traction on the hardwood floor, causing her to crash into Lewis. “Arthur’s cousin Shaggy is a fan of your addition to my parents menu.” Lewis said.

“Ooooo Did you get the version with the spicy chorizo or pancake poppers?”

“Like, Scoob and I got one of each. I really liked Aztec Chocolate sauce on the sweet chili!”

“I know! And the smoked gouda filled jalapeño poppers!”

“Arthur, I think our girlfriend just adopted your cousin.” Lewis commented.

Vivi stretched as she got home from her morning shift at the Tome Tomb. Arthur was having a full day at Kingsmen’s, so she figured she’d check in on Shaggy and Scooby before getting in some serious cuddle time with Lewis.

She found them in the living room, Shaggy was looking at a book. Not reading it, but staring at the cover, while Scooby leaned against him comfortingly. “Everything okay boys?” She asked softly.

Shaggy took a moment to answer. “Do you believe in this stuff? Magic and monsters?” “As a matter of fact I do.” She tried to keep the humor out of her voice. Shaggy had no idea he was spending the remainder of his summer with a ghost and a kitsune. “Do you?”

Shaggy didn’t answer. “Doesn’t it scare you?” he asked.

“The supernatural? Not really. Or at least, not more than anything else.” She sat down next to him. “There’s good and bad magic, just like there’s good and bad technology. Some beings are friendly, some just want to be left alone, and some are truly evil, just like people. You always, always, have to be careful. But I’d rather know, you know?” Shaggy shook his head. “Like, I think I’d rather not.” He looked at the book again. “Like, have you ever heard of something called the Chest of Demons?”

“Not off the top of my head, why?”

Shaggy shook his head. “Nothing, like what’s for lunch?” Vivi accepted the topic change, but didn’t forget what she’d heard. This merited some digging into.

Arthur felt dead on his feet (though not quite as much as Lewis, ha!) as he got home that evening. Working in the garage was one thing, but running it was quite another. He couldn’t wait for Lance to get back.

It was Vivi who greeted him at the door, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing him. Arthur melted into the embrace, the warmth he felt in his heart giving him back the strength spent on budget balancing and unruly customers.

But as he felt himself relax, he realized she wasn’t easing up. Something was wrong. “What is it, Vi?”

“Your cousin.” She answered, her head still buried in the crook of Arthur’s neck. “He was looking at my books and mentioned something called the Chest of Demons. I hadn’t heard of it, so I sent out some feelers.”

“Bad?” Arthur guessed, as if the name didn’t give that away.

“Not just the chest itself. I still don’t know what it is, because one of the few things I did manage to learn is it’s protected by near total secrecy. It’s not something he could have just randomly heard of.”

Arthur’s mouth set into a grim frown. He could think of a few reasons, but none of them were good.

“And this isn’t some random client messing with something he shouldn’t, he’s your cousin and I like him, but this is serious.”

“I’ll talk to him.” Arthur promised.

“No!” Vivi squeezed him tighter. “I don’t want to think he’s up to anything bad, but-” Honestly with how Shaggy had reacted to ‘Magic and Monsters’ she doubted it, but she couldn’t be sure and she wasn’t willing to put any of her boys in the path of danger.

Arthur laid a gentle kiss on her forehead. “You can have one of the Beats watching over us if it makes you feel better, but we can’t leave this alone and he’s nervous enough I don’t want him to feel like we’re ganging up on him.”

“That still puts you at risk,” Vivi argued.

“There’s always a risk, love. And you can’t take all of them for me. And I think this is a small one. Have you talked to Lewis yet?”

“Talked to be about what?” Lewis popped his head in. “You guys were taking a while. Is everything okay?”

“Shaggy may or may not have gotten mixed up in something supernatural and I want to talk to him about it. I want to do it alone so I don’t overwhelm him, but Vivi doesn’t want me to go talk about an evil artifact with the person who brought it up by myself. I volunteered to take a Beat with me.” “Take Mystery too.” Lewis suggested. “Shaggy likes him, so he wouldn’t feel ganged up on.”

Vivi let out a sigh of relief. “I love your Deadbeats, Lew, but I feel a lot better about that plan.”

“Hey Shaggy,” Arthur sat down. Mystery curled up by his feet, looking innocuous, but keeping a careful eye on Shaggy and Scooby.

“Hey,” Shaggy didn’t look up from the video game he was playing. “Like, how was work?”

“Not too bad. Can we talk about something?”

“Sure, man.” Shaggy paused the game. “What’s up?”

So many questions ran through Arthur’s head. Why do you know about the Chest of Demon? How did you find out about it? How much do you know? But there was one question he felt the need to ask above all the others.

“Are you in any danger?”

Shaggy blinked, caught completely off guard. “Huh?”

“You brought up something called the Chest of Demons to Vivi today. She did some digging. It was bad.” Arthur kept it vague to hide how much he didn’t know. “It’s also not a name you’d just stumble on. So, are you in any danger?” Shaggy deflated. “Like, not right now. Probably later. Thirteen seems to be keeping a low profile, but given the other twelve? At least Boggle and Weird are sealed up.”

Okay, Arthur didn’t understand any of that after ‘Probably later’. “Can you start at the beginning?”

“Okay, so like originally the five us were supposed to spend the summer on a global road trip, but Fred and Velma ended up going to camp, so like it was just me, Scooby, and Daphne. And we kinda sorta got lost. We ended up in the place where the chest was hidden. There were these two ghosts, Boggle and Weird. They wanted the thirteen evil spirits in the chest free, but it can only be opened by the living. So they tricked me and Scoob into opening it.and setting their masters free.”

Shaggy then rolled his eyes. “And of course only the ones who open the chest can return them, so like, suddenly we’re chasing down the nastiest ghoulies this side of the River Styx. We got the first twelve and got Boggle and Weird sucked in for good measure but with no sign of number thirteen Vincent cut us loose till he finds him.”

“Vincent?” Arthur inquired.

“A mystic who knows a lot about the Chest of Demon and it’s prisoners. He’s been helping us.” Shaggy shrugged. “Daphne suggested continuing our vacation while we’re on break, but I just kinda wanted to go home.” “Did you tell your family any of this?” Arthur wondered.

His cousin snorted. “Besides you? Like no one would believe me! And Daphne….” Shaggy trailed off.

“And Daphne?” Arthur prompted.

“It sounds weird to say, but this seemed to be, like, good for her? Before she kinda followed whatever Fred said. This summer though, she was taking charge and becoming more confident in herself. And like, I’m happy for her, but it means-” Shaggy seemed to struggle for his words, Scooby putting a reassuring head on his knee. “I’m a coward. I’d rather run from scary things than fight them. And I know I have to get them back in the box, cause it’s my fault they’re out-”

“Rour fault,” Scooby corrected.

“-but I’m scared all the time and I don’t want to be and no one but Scoob seems to get that.”

“Of course you’re scared,” Arthur scoffed. “You’ve had thirteen evil spirits after you. That’s objectively terrifying. You’d be crazy not to be scared.”

Boy and dog seemed taken aback.

While he couldn’t say he had been expecting those details, at least this lined up with what Arthur suspected, that Shaggy had stumbled into trouble, not sought it out.

“Okay, so first things first, what do you know about Spirit #13? What kind of spirit is it?” Arthur’s voice was all business.

“Not yet, Vincent usually tells us about them as he finds them.” Shaggy explained.

“If you can contact him, see if you can find out what we’re dealing with. It’ll be more effective if we can narrow that down.”

“What will be?” Shaggy asked, confused.

“Protective wards. That reminds me. Lewis, Vivi, Shaggy has a potential evil spirit after him. Brainstorming time.” “Huh?”

Lewis and Vivi showed up a bit too quickly to not have been listening in, but Arthur hoped Shaggy wouldn’t notice.

“There’s already some basic wards against hostile entities on the house, Pepper Paradiso, Lance’s, Kingsmen’s, and the Tome Tomb.” Vivi listed.

“I’ve got a few things around town warning me of anything of any level of power entering.” Mystery put forth. “It’s only weak spot is the lake.”

“Which has a protector of its own.” Arthur had a wry grin. “Nothing coming in from that side.”

Shaggy and Scooby shared a confused look. “You guys had this already set up?”

“You get surprised by a Jubokko once, you take precautions.” Vivi said dryly. “But this is all general stuff. The more specifics we know, the better defenses we can make. We can also figure out what places near your home we need to ward, or come up with something portable.”

Shaggy just looked between the four of them, confused. “Why?”

Lewis took a deep breath ( or at least mimed doing so). “Shaggy, you’re Arthur’s cousin, do you know what that means?”

Shaggy shook his head.

“It means you’re family, you’re our family. And we protect family however we can.” Lewis stated. “And we know monsters exist. We’ll be ready.”

Shaggy seemed at a loss for words. His mouth opened and closed a few times. “Thank you,” he finally whispered, his voice raw with emotion.

Arthur pulled him into a hug. “That’s what family does.”

#Accidental-Child #MSA #Scooby Doo #MSAHolidaySpirits2019

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ceealaina · 4 years

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Title: Caught Somewhere in Time Collaborator Name: ceealaina Card Number: 3088 Link: AO3 Square R2 - Time Heist Ship: Steve Rogers & Tony Stark Rating: Teen Major Tags: Avengers: Endgame - Alternate 2012 Timeline, Team Bonding Summary: There was something weird about the aftermath of the Battle of New York, too many coincidences and Tony hasn't been able to stop poking at it. Turns out, Steve's been noticing some weird things too. Word Count: 1703

SOMEWHERE IN AN ALTERNATE 2012

Tony frowned, watching the footage from the Battle of New York aftermath yet again. Something about that entire thing wasn’t sitting right with him. Tony wasn’t a big believer in coincidences at the best of times, and this was entirely too many of them. The arc reactor randomly malfunctioning, the Tesseract somehow ‘falling’ out of the locked case, Loki getting his hands on it and then using his newfound freedom to wipe the floor with Rogers, grab the scepter, and then… Disappear entirely? None of it made any damn sense. And there was something else niggling at the back of his mind. He barely remembered it, on account of being in the middle of dying at the time, but there’d been a SHIELD agent, someone he hadn’t been able to track down, calling for a medic in a voice that was painfully familiar but in a way that he couldn’t quite place.

Unfortunately, information from that day was seriously lacking. Half the lobby security cameras had gone down in the battle, and since the tower wasn’t supposed to be open to the public yet, and it wasn’t like he kept proprietary information in the lobby, he hadn’t bothered giving them backups and failsafes yet. Which meant he had exactly one angle that would show how the supposedly secured case spontaneously opened, and that was blocked by a view of Thor’s gorgeous rear end as he restarted Tony’s heart with a bolt of lightning. In addition to that, there was absolutely nothing on the mysterious SHIELD agent that nobody seemed to remember — although, there was an audio file of him calling for the medic, so at least Tony wasn’t making it up. He did have a clear shot of the Tesseract sliding to Loki’s feet only to have him pick it up and vanish, but there was nothing of Steve’s fight with Loki.

And that was something else too. Steve had been weird after that fight, obviously unsettled in a way he hadn’t been since Tony had met him in Stuttgart. The man had just woken up to find himself seventy years in the future a week ago, Tony had expected him to freak out any number of times. And sure, it didn’t take a psychologist to see that his mental health probably wasn’t the greatest, but he’d been fine — certainly as good as Tony on some of his better days. So what was it about that five-minute fight that had finally been the thing to throw Rogers off?

“Sir, you have a visitor requesting entry.”

JARVIS’ voice pulled Tony from his thoughts, and he blinked down at the camera feed only to startle at the familiar form of Steve standing at parade rest as he waited in front of the lab doors.

“God, I hope I’m not suddenly developing psychic powers,” he muttered before waving at the door. “Let him in, J.”

The last that he’d heard, Steve was supposed to be in Washington. After the mess following the battle, SHIELD had lost their shit, Alexander Pierce throwing a hissy fit and pulling rank. They couldn’t actually do anything with Tony or Thor, and Tony had managed to get Bruce tucked away before they could even try anything with him, but in revenge they had recalled both Clint and Nat. Then they claimed that Steve was one of their assets too, and while Tony had been ready to fight them on it, Steve hadn’t argued. Tony had let them all know that they had an open invitation to stay at the tower if they got tired of SHIELD’s bullshit, their biometrics already inputted in the system, but he hadn’t heard a peep from any of them in the six weeks since. So what the hell was Steve doing here now?

He swiped his hand, flicking away the surveillance footage just as the sliding doors opened and Steve stepped through. He was dressed in civilian clothing, a pair of well fitted jeans (thank god, Tony might have cried if he’d been back in those khakis with the grandpa pleats) and a grey t-shirt, but it didn’t stop him from standing at parade rest. Tony resisted the urge to roll his eyes as Steve tilted his head in a slight nod. “Stark.”

Tony gave an enormous, exaggerated sigh, letting his entire body heave with the force of it. “Jesus,” He drawled. “You’re killing me, smalls. Kick back a little, relax, cool it with the American soldier routine. We saved the world together, Cap. You can at least call me Tony.”

Steve gave him a crooked smile, some of the tension easing out of his body. “Tony,” he corrected himself, his voice a little warmer than before. “Sorry,” he added after a moment. “Washington has been… Hectic. Sometimes it’s easier to just fall into routine, wear it like an armour, you know?”

Tony arched his eyebrows, a little weirded out by how well Steve seemed to know him sometimes without even realizing it. “Yeah, I think I know what you mean,” he said with a rueful grin. “Still,” he clapped his hands together, titled back precariously in his wheely chair. “You’re among friends here, Steve.” He shifted forward again and hooked his ankle around the leg of another chair, hauling it away from the table. “Sit down, take a load off. Tell me what’s troubling that star spangled mind of yours.”

That earned him an eyeroll, but Tony could tell Steve was fighting back a smile as he dropped into the offered seat. “So the thing is…” He trailed off a moment, rubbing at the back of his neck as he tried to work out what he wanted to say. “I’ve been working with this new team, out of SHIELD? I think they were one of the teams that stepped in here, after the Battle?”

“And what, you’re missing the old crew already? Wanna get the gang back together?”

“No. Well…” Steve huffed out a soft laugh. “It’s not quite the same,” he admitted. “But that’s not why I’m here. There’s… There’s something up with the STRIKE team.”

Curiosity piqued, Tony leaned forward, elbows on his thighs. “Oh yeah? What’s up?”

“They keep saying weird things to me.” Steve met Tony’s gaze steadily. “Like, ‘Hail Hydra.’”

It took a minute for Tony to even process the words, and when he did he let out a low whistle. “Shit,” he said.

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “Shit.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair. “I don’t know who in SHIELD is compromised, who we can trust… how this is even possible? I haven’t seen Natasha or Clint since we arrived in Washington, and well... “ He shrugged helplessly. “I couldn’t think who else I could come to with this.”

Tony arched an eyebrow at him. “You trust me?”

Steve gave him a pointed look. “We saved the world together, Tony,” he said, echoing Tony’s earlier words. “Of course I trust you. And whatever I think of your methods, I’m damn sure you’re not a fucking Nazi.”

Tony grinned, trying to ignore the ten-year-old Tony in his head losing his shit over the fact that Captain fucking America trusted him. “Definitely not,” he promised him. He hesitated a moment, and then flicked his hand again, bringing the surveillance he’d been purviewing back up. “You’re not the only one who’s noticed weird stuff, for what it’s worth.” He offered him a smile. “I’ve been busy, since you’ve been gone. We’ll figure out what the fuck is going on.”

Steve grinned, kicking his foot against Tony’s. “Glad to have you on my side, Iron Man,” he told him, and Tony couldn’t help grinning back at him. Then Steve’s smile faded slightly, a frown crossing his features instead.

“What?” Tony asked. “What is it?”

“There’s something else,” Steve admitted. “When I was fighting Loki, after he escaped?” He drew in a slow breath and Tony leaned back, waiting for him to finish. “I know you read my file, Tony. You know about the Commandos?” He waited for Tony’s nod before continuing. “He told me that Bucky’s still alive.”

“He… What?”

“Yeah.” Steve gave him a helpless look. “I just… I can’t get it out of my head. If it’s not true, why would he do that? If he was trying to throw me off to get an advantage, how would he know to use Bucky? That’s not how Loki’s powers work -- is it? And if, if it is true…?” He trailed off, looking so lost for a moment Tony felt like he should give him a hug.

“Okay,” he said instead. “So what we need is a team. People we can actually trust.” He hummed consideringly. “Thor and I have been working to try and track down Loki, not that we’ve gotten anywhere, but I don’t know how much help he’ll be. I feel like this’ll require a level of… subtlety that he doesn’t usually manage.” He grinned when that got a huff of laughter out of Steve.”Bruce is still lying low, which is probably for the best right now. I can find Clint and Nat, don’t worry about that, but we’re gonna need someone else, someone we can trust.”

Steve considered this, nodding slowly. “I maybe know a guy,” he offered. “Back in Washington. He’s sort of my running buddy?”

Tony arched a skeptical eyebrow. “You found someone who can keep up with you?” he asked, second eyebrow joining the first when Steve laughed at some kind of private joke.

“Nah,” he admitted. “But that’s kinda what I like about him. Anyway, he’s good, I know he is. I mean, I know it know it, but also I ran a background check on him?”

“You know how to do that?” Tony teased, laughing when Steve kicked the leg of his chair in retaliation. “Okay, okay, sorry. So we’ll bring in your Washington running buddy too. I know it’s not much, but it’s the start of a plan. And you are the man with a plan.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Hilarious.”

Tony just shrugged. “What do you say, Steve? Time to bring the team back together? Take down the bad guys?”

Steve grinned back at him. “Avengers Assemble.”

@tonystarkbingo

#tonystarkbingo2020 #tsb2020 #tony stark #steve rogers #team bonding #alternate 2012 #fic #my fic

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #334

"i dreamed i was missing / you were so scared / but no one would listen, ‘cuz no one else cared”

Sunrise or sunset? Sunset has prettier colors, imo, but I enjoy the pastel nature of sunrises, too. Are you mentally ill? Oh brother. Are you physically ill? I don't have any serious physical health issues, no. Introvert or extrovert? I'm a very strong introvert. What do you think when you look at your body? That it's fucking disgusting. What have others said when they look at your body? When I was healthy, I was complimented every now and again. With the body I have now? I'm glad people keep their months shut. Do you have a particular song that you feel deeply? There's a good 'ole handful or two. Talk about a time in your life where you have felt most alive? It's weird, I'm not a city person at all, but possibly when I was walking the streets of Chicago with Sara and her dad one evening. There was just so much life, so many new sights, that it was impossible not to. Plus, I was at a very happy point in my life, so. I just enjoyed a lot. Are you confident wearing a bikini? FUCK NO. Have you ever been hurt physically or mentally by a family member? Mentally, obviously. Everyone has at some point. I've never been seriously physically hurt by family, but Mom did spank my sisters and me as kids if we did something wrong. Biggest lie you have told? I don't really know. I get really uncomfortable telling even minor lies, so making a big one would be excruciating. I'm not saying I've never said a biggie, I'm sure in 25 years of life I said something stupid at one point, I just don't remember it. Do you believe in the Illuminati? Nah; there's some compelling evidence, but I just think it's way too big of a secret to keep. Regrets in your life? Blaming the breakup entirely on Jason and saying just plain cruel things to him afterwards. Also sending an appallingly hateful letter to Dad to vent after the divorce. Flirting with my then-best friend's boyfriend at the time behind her back. Dating Tyler (it's a small one, but still a regret). There are others, those are just the only ones coming to me right now. Achievements in your life? Lots of academic success and awards (before college, anyway...), artistic accomplishments like having my work put in a museum, surviving a traumatic breakup, (mostly) recovering from massive depression... What did people say about you in school? Nothing, really. I was a quiet student who just did her work and tried hard. Is there something you have never told anyone? Yes. If you had two days to spend one million dollars how would you spend it? First, I'm paying off college debt. Then Mom gets a new car, followed by me getting new glasses and renewing my permit. I'm getting a good terrarium setup for Venus. Then, it's tattoo time, baby, haha. I can't really do the mental math on how much this all would cost, but those are the high-priority things I can think of. Describe your first kiss? Was it how you imagined? Jason and I were playfighting in bed, and he had me pinned. Our faces were close, and I decided to kiss him. It was a fairy tale moment, in my eyes. He looked so bashful for once (he's far from shy) but also really happy, and I was too. Growing up were you in a wealthy, average, or low income household? Low, I think. Or maybe average, when Dad was still around. Have you been raised by a solo parent? When I was around 17, my parents split, so kinda-sorta. Do you know both your parents? Thankfully, yes. Have you abused drugs or alcohol? No. Are you comfortable accepting compliments? Ehhhh, I really appreciate them and they can make my whole day, but I'm very awkward about it. I get shy. Are you comfortable giving compliments? Oh yes. I honestly love giving compliments; I know how happy they can make me, so why not share that with others? Is any mental illness hindering your life? Guess. (: Is any physical illness hindering your life? Well, it's not an "illness," but the muscles in my legs have severely atrophied from leading such a horribly sedentary lifestyle, and that has greatly affected my ability to work without the risk of just collapsing. Walking at all is painful. Are you preparing for an apocalypse? No. I'm not really one to worry about "prepping." If it happens, it happens, man. I'm not spending loads of money on a "maybe." Are you interested in cults? Not really, no. Are your parents good cooks? Mom is fine, but it's hard to really judge Dad's cooking since he barely ever did it, plus I haven't had his cooking in many, many years. I remember he was great at making breakfast, though. That was like a rare treat, him deciding to make breakfast for everyone. Have you ever been to a chiropractor? Did you like it? No. Do you know anyone who is an actor? No. Have your wisdom teeth come through yet? They never did. Have you ever used a public pay phone? No. Have you ever made an item of clothing? No. Have you taken someone's virginity? No. Is confidence cute? "Confidence, yes. But cockiness and arrogance, no. That’s a whole different area that’s definitely not cute." <<<< Nailed it. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Doubt it. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? No; rather, I drink too much of it. I'm trying really hard to lay off of it, and I drink nowhere near as much as I used to (when oddly enough, I was healthy and fit), but I'm still not comfortable drinking a can and a half a day. Listening to? "Castle of Glass" by Linkin Park. Kinda obsessed. Ever used a bow and arrow? No, but archery is cool. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? I don't think this has happened since my senior shot in HS. Take a vitamin daily? Daily, no, but I really should. I take a Vitamin D capsule every Sunday, though. Favorite Taylor Swift song? I only really like "Love Story" and "Picture to Burn." Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yeah. Which are better: black or green olives? I don't like olives period, but I guess black. What’s your 3rd favourite animal? Huh, never thought of #3, just #1 and #2: meerkats and opossums. Maybe snakes? Do you like mushrooms? NO. NO NO NO. What dream do you remember most vividly? One I don't talk about. A childhood nickname? Mom called me "Twinkie" and still sometimes does. ;-; Does anyone in "real life" know that you take surveys? Would you be embarrassed if they found your blog? Just Sara. And yes, regarding some people. Who was the last person you blocked on social media? Did you have an argument that lead to that happening? I'm unsure, but probably. I don't tend to just like... randomly block people. What was the first social media account you remember signing up for? Are you still a member of that particular website, if it even still exists? Of course it was MySpace. It's still floating around somewhere in cyberspace. What website from your childhood/teen years do you wish still existed? I get nostalgic over the Animal Planet forums sometimes. Have you ever met up with anyone in real life that you first met via the internet? Did you get on as well as you thought you would? Yes, Sara. I felt like it would go just fine, but it went even better than I expected - I was oddly very comfortable around her and her family. Have you ever tried any of those meal replacement shakes? Are you a fan of things like that in general? Yeah; I tried many brands until I settled for Equate, surprisingly. Cheap does not equate to bad quality, my friends. We always have the chocolate ones in the house, and they're really not bad at all. Are you the kind of person to enjoy taking naps? I love me my daily nap, man. What's your favourite kind of cheese to have on a pizza? Idk, whatever cheese is normally used, lol. What's a hobby you loved when you were younger but no longer enjoy for whatever reason? I guess video editing. I can't say I'd no longer enjoy it at all, but now the idea sounds far more like a chore than fun. Is there a popular food/drink that you can't stand? What is it and why don't you like it? I could name five dozen, but here's just a few: coffee, pie, tea, fried chicken (or is that just a Southern thing to be obsessed with?), and... of course now that I'm asked this question, I'm blanking on the huge number I know exist. As for "why," that varies, but it's either just simply a taste or even a texture thing. How would your wedding boquet look like? I want a gothic-themed wedding, so imagine a mix of black and maroon roses... whew-wee. You’re at a bar, and you witness a man drugging some girl's drink. What do you do? No hesitation, I'm decking the motherfucker. Fuck my fear of men, he's getting knocked out, and I'm immediately alerting the staff, as well as of course the girl. Kids? How many? Why? Names? Boy or girl? Y'know, loads and loads of scaly and hairy ones. Got plenty of name ideas depending on what they are and how they look. The only baby whose gender matters to me is the tarantula because females live waaaay longer. Fuck them human babies, not for me. Are you an organ donor? Absolutely. I sure as hell ain't usin' 'em once I'm dead, so consider it my last act of selflessness. Whats the most you’ve ever lost gambling? I don't gamble. What is something you can never give up (that's not love or family)? My pebble from my "graduation" from my first partial hospitalization program. It's meant to symbolize how great pain and trials can file you into something beautiful. It was passed around group, everyone holding it in their hands as they wished me well and spoke their piece about me. I'm honestly just fighting back tears remembering it. Have you ever waited in line overnight for something? No, I'm way too impatient for that shit.. Do you think having an expensive phone is a good investment? Hm. I guess it depends on what you use it for. Have you ever witnessed a birth in person? A human birth, no fucking thank you. I've only ever seen pet cats give birth. Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad does, big time. He quit drinking, but never quite managed to stay away from cigarettes. Have you ever had a pet escape and run away? Seeing as I grew up with outdoor cats that we couldn't afford to fix, pretty much all of our tomcats left for roving once they came of a certain age. Do any of your exes know each other? Juan and Jason know each other, Jason and Girt know one another as well, and Sara and Girt have met. What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? I simply cannot fathom the belief that "dinosaurs never existed." Explain the fucking fossils, like come the fuck on. It's absolute denial in the name of religion. What was the very first election you voted in? This one that just passed, actually. What is one random fact about you? I want like 20 tarantulas but Mom says no. :( Do you spend a lot of time outdoors in the summer? Fuck no, I will do anything to stay inside in summer. Do you wear band tees? if yes, which one is your favorite? I love band tees, yeah. My Ninja Sex Party shirt is the most comfortable, but comfort aside, it's hard to pick a favorite. Possibly my Otep one, 'cuz the design is dope. Do you ever re-arrange your room? No. What season do you want to get married in? Fall. What is the highest name-brand thing you own? Oh god, I don't own expensive brand stuff. I guess the only exclusion would be my Cloak shirt, but even that's not like, mad pricey. What color GameBoy did you have as a kid? Red. What was your favorite GameBoy game? Maybe that Catz game? Even though the music was the most fucking obnoxious meowing ever lmao. What was the last compliment you remember someone gave to you? Who was it? It was this guy in my PHP group; my therapist surprised the fuck out of me by sharing with everyone my most recent poem (I trust him a lot, and he urges me to send him my art, so I've done that twice), and I nearly fucking died from cardiac arrest. However, this Nick guy, who's a poetry major, told me it was better than stuff he reads in his Master's program. I almost cried. Have you ever personally been friends with a stripper or prostitute? No, not that I'm opposed though or anything. If you have tattoos, which one that you have was the most painful? The one on my inner forearm. Have you ever actually met and talked to someone who’s famous? No. When was the last time you got a parking ticket for anything at all? I never have. Do you have any pets who will bite anyone else out there, besides you? No; Roman won't even come close enough to a stranger TO bite, haha. It's funny, he's so goofy and you'd guess outgoing, but instead, he's terrified of people he doesn't recognize. What’s your favorite type of sushi? I don't eat sushi. What’s your favorite patriotic song? Don't have one. Have you ever read a book about a character in a psych ward? No, and I'd really prefer not to because it would just drag me back to dark times. Have you ever been in a mental hospital as a patient? ^ Have you ever had an ulcer? No. Do you like soy sauce? omfg no What’s your favorite store to browse around? Morph Market. @_@ It's a hub for reptiles for sale, and I have my days where I just browse the ball python morphs for like an hour or so, haha. What’s the name of the most recent baby a friend had? Christ, half my friends on Facebook are having babies, idr. I don't know who was the most recent. Do people normally say you’re a fast typer, or are you rather slow? I'm very fast. Have you ever been considered the "smartest person in school?" No; that was my friend Hannia. I'm pretty certain she would qualify as a genius. Her GPA was fucking incredible. Were you named after anyone famous or anyone on television? No.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''leave out all the rest'' by linkin park

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writtenbyandria · 4 years

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KIRA+DOMINIC — 03

It wasn’t often that Kira Mosley ventured out of the quieted comforts of Nassau County without adult supervision.

There were times where, after much pleading with her parents for permission, she’d commute into the Manhattan with a few of her classmates.

Those instances, however, were far and few between.

Unlike those previous occurrences of wandering aimlessly through Central Park until sunset or perusing the liveness taking place at Times Square before embarking on the tedious quest to find somewhere to eat, Kira commuted without her usual group of friends to keep her company throughout the prolonged commute. Rather than resorting to hearing the latest gossip pertaining to whose crush was smitten with who, she commuted to Queens by her lonesome and busied herself with listening to the playlist she spent a majority of her morning curating.

The randomly selected sounds of nineties R&B floated through her headphones throughout the entire duration of her train ride and settled her never ending case of nerves as gathered her belongings and exited the train.

As she hurried up the steps of the 169th Street Subway Station, her stare roamed up the length of the individual sporting a familiar reserved grin. His hands had been stuffed into his pockets.

Before uttering a meek ‘hello’ the moment she raced up the last step, Dominic simply removed her earbuds and toyed with the ends of her cornrows.

“I was startin’ to think you weren’t gonna show.”

“I told you I was.”

Dominic shrugged, “You don’t really know me from nowhere.”

“I know you well enough.” Kira murmured. The fullness of his lips contorted into a blatant smirk that disappeared all within a matter of seconds. “And you still came to see if I’d come.”

“...Yeah,” was all he bothered to say. For some reason, his meekness intrigued Kira. Not because of his sudden tamed behavior was appealing in any way, but because she could see that her arrival to the borough was appreciated. It was almost as if the slight gesture was extraordinary.

Remarkable, even.

“Your people know that you’re out here...with me?” Dominic asked as they waited for the opportunity to cross at the intersection.

“No,” she quickly admitted and later revealed that she used her friend Autumn to cover up her actual whereabouts.

“I’on want you getting in trouble ‘cause of me.”

“I won’t.” Kira said with certainty. With her mother currently vacating with old friends from her alma mater and her father stationed at one of the three hospitals within the county that he happened to have affiliations with, Kira was sure she’d dodge facing any trouble from her parents.

Without saying anything else about her parents or the plausible what-ifs that would ultimately land her in a heap of trouble, Dominic guided Kira across the congested intersection of 169th Street and Hillside Avenue.

She smiled inwardly when he took her hand in his.

Though the stint of hand-holding lasted all of but two minutes due to him luring her into a pizzeria, Kira couldn’t disregard the elation momentarily flooding her.

“For what it’s worth, I’d like to remind you that I was honest with you the moment your mother and I found out about this whole fixer upper nonsense. I said you were in over your head then. And, sweetheart, I’m afraid my stance on it still hasn't changed.”

Huffing, Jackson Mosley pulled his daughter into an embrace in which they separated quicker than expected.

The unfavorable news of her failing to put the foreclosed townhome back on the market was a tough pill to swallow for the fifty-six year old man, apparently.

They shuffled from his parked Land Rover Sport that idled the decent-sized driveway, and up the back steps; the path paved evenly with asphalt was about the only task Kira didn’t seek out to reconstruct. She did, however, plan to have contractors completely gut out the kitchen and bathrooms strictly for remodeling renovations. She also wanted the flooring to be taken up and replaced with brand-spanking-new wooden planks.

Using the duplicate set of house keys she had made a month ago, Kira entered the home and groaned from the displeasing stale stench wafting into her nose.

“What’s wrong with your apartment? Are they increasing the rent?”

“No. Nothing’s wrong with the apartment.” Kira muttered. She trudged through the foyer and headed straight for the dated kitchen simply just to look out towards the expansive yard space. At the sliding glass door, her father joined her. “It’s just that...I don’t know. I think I’m beginning to hate living there. Well, it isn’t so much as I think. I know I’m beginning to hate living there.” Kira admitted. “Gosh. I can’t even believe I’m saying this…”

Years ago -- when enduring the expected slump in freelance journalism and conceptualizing ideas for her own forthcoming blog-site -- Kira would have never imagined she’d eventually grow tired of Brooklyn and actually miss the quieted comforts of the suburbs.

She fled to college not only to earn her degree, but to also be catapulted into a new environment. While studying at Howard University she vowed to never move back to Nassau County indefinitely and made sure to occupy all of her summer breaks with internships that required her to frequent places far from her hometown. Kira had made strides in straying far from Hempstead and established residency in Brooklyn right after graduation to make sure she never had to dwell there too long during. Aside from the holidays where her mother would have to beg her to stay for days at a time, or a massive gatherings (that tended to occur far and few between as of late), Kira hardly dwelled there and regarded herself as a proud Brooklyn transplant who tended to stay within the borough.

In her early twenties, she had fallen in love with everything Brooklyn had to offer; the convenience and close proximity trumped every other amenity.

Her best writing happened in Brooklyn.

Her best years were in Brooklyn.

Some of her more memorable sexual encounters happened to be with Brooklynites.

Kira couldn’t believe it was even possible to loathe Brooklyn as much as she had within the last two years. The neighborhood of Williamsburg had become too crowded for her liking.

Sadly, neither the restaurants, bars, lounges, nor the generous coffee shop barista who gave her fresh pastries due to her being a faithful subscriber were not enough to keep Kira residing there any longer.

Now, in an ironic twist of fate, Kira sought out to move back to Nassau County in a timely fashion.

Among the homes she came across while perusing several online real estate sites, was a foreclosed property in Long Island’s town of Oyster Bay. It reminded Kira of her childhood home in Hempstead although the properties differed greatly in acreage.

“Do you really need all this space?” Jackson asked.

“Yes. The space would be a benefit.” Kira defended. No matter how persistent Jackson Mosley was about putting the three-bedroom home back on the market, Kira was certain she’d make use of the space.

He father heaved a hardly audible sigh and ran his hand over his face. “What I’m saying is that having all this square footage may be a bit overwhelming. Realistically speaking, Kira, you are a single woman with no children. What on Earth do you need with all of this space? You’d be better off looking for another apartment.”

“Whether I want the space or intend to utilize every square foot is subjective, daddy.” Kira replied sternly, crossing her arms over her chest. “It was a steal. I purchased this home considerably way cheaper than what the homeowners in this area purchased theirs for.” She further noted. “I’m gonna fix this up and use as much or as little space as I please. It’s mine.”

A contemptuous grin etched across her father’s expression, and faltered the moment he advanced towards the old-fashioned kitchen peninsula. The counter space was made of a material Kira couldn’t bear to look at for too long, due to the previous owner’s poor choice of granite that conflicted with the cherry wood cabinets.

“Have you even made the attempt to contact the contractors your mother referred you to?”

“Yes, and I chose not to give those assholes --”

“Kira,” Jackson warned, “watch your mouth.”

She glanced at her father over her shoulder. “Sorry. It slipped out.”

“Now what were you saying about the contractors? And mind your language this time.”

“They were pulling my leg about requesting a quote for a kitchen and bathroom remodel. It’s safe to say I won’t be using them.”

“Kira if you can’t even find the proper contractors to help you make this place liveable, then perhaps you need to put it back on the market like I’ve advised.”

“I’m not doing that. But I will be looking for a contractor this week. I’ll make sure of it.” Kira insisted, catching her father’s blatant eye-roll as he ambled back towards the front of the home. “You don’t believe that I have any intention of finding suitable contractors, do you?”

Rather than sparing his only daughter of having to hear the harsh admission by allowing a prolonged silence to loom over them, Jackson Mosley simply confirmed Kira’s preconceived suspicion by uttering, “No, I don’t.”

“Well,” she took a step, “if you don’t have faith in me to actually find someone for the job, you must have no faith in me at all.”

Adjusting the strap to the crossbody bag onto her frame, Kira made a beeline for the door and muttered to her father that she had no intention to head back her parents’ home after locking up. Almost immediately, she felt immense regret for opting to commute to Long Island by way of public transportation on account of her having to solely rely on her father.

“Take me back to the transit station, please.”

Back in Brooklyn, Kira busied herself with composing drafted reviews of complimentary cosmetics and hair products she picked up from an expo she attended the previous week.

The event specifically curated to gain exposure for black-owned beauty start-ups provided Kira with new content to publish onto her site. Typically, she uploaded the drafted posts throughout the approaching week in an effort to keep maintain her quota of visitor traffic to her blog. The frequent postings not only fed her loyal audience, but also provided her with a substantial amount of monthly revenue from advertisements and contracted branding partnerships.

While thoroughly delving into personal pros and cons she experienced while using a manuka honey leave-in conditioner one of the business owners provided her with, Kira halted in typing another word onto the document and retreated back to the list of contractor companies the web browser’s search engine had provided.

As she skimmed the lengthy list in search of a company that were either within close proximity of the home in Oyster Bay or advertising their willingness to commute to other towns within the state limits, her apartment door opened; a pair of keys jingled as the individual padded down the narrow hallway.

Besides herself, only two people were provided with a set of keys into the private dwelling. Not even her parents were equipped with manufactured duplicates.

“Autumn?” Kira called out, forming the presumption that her childhood friend and infrequent roomie had decided to pop up without calling in advance.

Teeth smackings emitted from Kira the moment her eyes settled on the short crop of coarse curls belonging to her brother Lawrence.

“Shoes --,” Kira chided, “-- remove them.”

Huffing her brother four years her junior turned swiftly on the soles of his bulky basketball sneakers and retreated back down the dimly lit hallway.

“You could’ve called.”

“Didn’t think I needed to. You know, since I got the keys and all.”

Instead of plopping onto the dull grey couch positioned against the adjacent wall, Lawrence raced into the kitchen, failing to wash his hands before rummaging through the refrigerator. When he returned, vegetable lo mein was served on one of the marble plateware she hardly put to use. Her fingers drummed along the wireless keyboard paired to her iMac.

By then, Lawrence sauntered towards the couch and reclaimed his usual seat on the couch’s far left; his feet propped atop the mirrored coffee table riddled with books and flea market knick knacks.

“Any progress on the new place?”

“No, not yet. I’m still in the process of looking for contractors.”

“You’ve been saying you were looking into contractors since before you took your trip. You’re making the task harder than what it needs to be.”

“I know. I’ve been a bit sidetracked this since I’ve gotten back.”

“Back from Long Island, or back from L.A.?”

“L.A.,” Kira retorted and mussed with her hair. “If I didn’t have to go and check on the property, I would’ve slept the entire day away. I’ve been back for two days, and I’m still I’m a bit jet lagged.”

“Shit. I forgot to ask. How’d the meeting go?”

“Fairly well, considering that all my terms are going to be contractually upheld.”

The trip in which she traveled strictly to negotiate the preliminary stipulations to her pending collaborative venture left Kira jet-lagged, but more so afflicted with procrastination. Well before making the trip to Los Angeles, company bigwigs -- a duo consisting of a marketing strategist and a branding consultant -- were ardent on gaining consumership with women of color. In the wake of teasing the release of a new formulated foundation produced in a broad range of shades, the renown cosmetic company’s marketing specialist specifically sought out to acquire black beauty bloggers and other online beauty content creators to assist in advertising the brand’s forthcoming fall release.

Kira’s site traffic and faithful readership coupled with her previous ventures with a cosmetic startups and well-known brands were three components that happened to land Kira on the strategist’s radar. Over brunch, at some pretentious eatery, the twenty-seven year old pressed for the rather extensive amount of money she sought out to obtain for the collaborative venture. And by dinner the following evening, Kira was mulling over a newly drawn up, non-binding contract that had already been both faxed and emailed to her lawyer.

Given the approval from the lawyer she kept on retainer, Kira happily signed the contract, and prematurely relished in acquiring the approaching lump sum by overindulging in drinks.

And, of course, Omari Grant.

At the mere thought of the retired quarterback and their tryst in his hotel room, Kira shuddered and rubbed her neck.

“I’ll have a number to a contractor by tomorrow. Mark my words.”

“Ai’ight,” Lawrence expressed with great doubt, “I’ma hold you to it.”

Kira’s eyes narrowed, “Hold me to it?”

“For whatever reason, you’re prolonging the process. If you aren’t one-hundred percent invested in this whole remodeling project, then you shouldn’t even be bothered. Either get the ball rollin’ on hiring contractors for the renovations or put the shit back on the market.”

“Alright. That’s enough. I can’t take any more of you lecturing me on what I need to do. You sound like dad.” Kira rushed out. She resumed with perusing the list of established general contracting companies.

At random, she selected Johnson & Parsons Home Improvement. As stated on their website, The New York-based contracting firm offered services throughout the listed cities, including the town in which the foreclosed property was located. “Dad’s fine, by the way. Just in case you were wondering.”

Kira averted her eyes from the desktop’s massive screen and peered over at Lawrence.

The sudden disinterest in the conversation as it pertained to their father was aparrent in his deadpan expression.

“He asked about you this afternoon.”

Her eyes rolled instinctively when recollecting the awkward drive to the train station. Jackson Mosley simply couldn’t take the hint to keep the conversation to a minimum.

Instead of commuting in silence, he turned on the radio, hoping that the songs playing from the Hip-Hop and R&B station would lure Kira out of her momentary irritation. But when that was proven to be unsuccessful the middle-aged man followed the stint of humming along to the catchy instrumentals from yesteryear by asking about Lawrence.

“He’s fine.” She remembered tersely retorting, later mentioned the creative strides her brother was making, as of late.

For some reason, Kira hoped that Lawrence would have perked up the moment that tidbit of information swept past her lips. Sadly, to no avail, her younger brother sported the same look of indifference he often had whenever the topic of conversation reverted to Jackson Mosley.

A deafening silence loomed over them subsequent to Lawrence sticking a fork in the cold helping of leftover takeout. In that discomforting lull, Kira could feel the harbored resentment radiating from her younger brother as he remained silent; the marbled plateware balanced atop the couch’s broad armrest. Lawrence mussed with the hairs sprouting from his chin.

“Call him, Lawrence.”

The agonizing contempt evaded him.

His pursed lips gave way to a smirk of sudden amusement. Laughter escaped him soon afterward.

“What’s so funny?” Kira queried.

“Nothing.”

“No. Tell me. I wanna know.”

“Nothing,” Lawrence fixed his lips to say again before releasing an exasperated sigh, “It’s just funny how you’re advising me to speak to him when you’ve been on the outs with him before, too.” Lawrence spat prior to grasping the fork and stuffing his mouth with noodles. He ate with gusto and hadn’t thought to stop until the plate was bare. “I can recall a time where you and dear old dad weren’t on the best of terms.” Lawrence recounted. “You and mom weren’t so amicable back then, either. In fact, I could vividly remember you went nearly a whole semester without speaking to them.”

“I was a freshman in college --

“ -- I know you not about to cop out with that excuse again.”

“It’s not an excuse.”

“It’s a bullshit excuse. It always was.” Lawrence insisted. “You’re gonna hold onto that, aren’t you? Will you ever be honest and say that you still had that chip on your shoulder from senior year. So much so that you insisted on staying with Autumn and her family during winter break.”

Silence pervaded the room, prompting Lawrence to sigh inwardly.

“I guess not.” He muttered. “Sometimes I believe you only interact with him now because I choose not to. Dad could hardly stomach the fact that you and him were estranged all that time. I couldn’t even imagine how crushed that man would be if both of his children decided to steer clear of having any interaction with him at the same time.”

It wasn’t until Kira jotted down the number to Johnson & Parsons Home Improvement on a nearby post-it note that he muttered, “he should’ve made a better attempt at being a father.”

Lawrence’s statement hung in the air, prompting Kira’s shoulders to visibly contract as she set the ballpoint pen down beside the mouse and it’s respected stark white mousepad; the tension pervading the living room was thick and also somber the longer Kira continued to ponder on not only her underlying grievances with her father, but her brother’s as well.

The children of Jackson Mosley idled within the confines of Kira’s Williamsburg apartment, failing to utter anything to each other.

The weight of their father’s disastrous approach to parenting evident as time progressed.

#kira+dominic #fiction

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anxiouslymalicious · 5 years

Text

Until the morning comes.

Pairing: Ben Hardy x fem!Reader

Summary: A continuation of Until you keep your promises in which Ben and the reader meet again at Gwil’s wedding.

Word Count: 4,093

Warnings: mentions of alcohol and sex, the reader being down, the usual

A/N: holy shit. That was something. I really do hope you guys like it, I have spent so much time writing this and I think I’m quite content with it. There is still more to come! (Also the end bit was kind of inspired by ‘The Most’ by Miley Cyrus because I’m in love with that song and her and I adore the EP)

Oh, and I’m casually tagging @mamaskillerqueen because you wanted to be tagged last time and I’m not sure if you want to be tagged in every chapter? Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

You were hurting. It was more an emotional pain, but it had turned physical for the most part. Your eyes constantly stung with unshed tears. There was a constant knot in your chest, the feeling tightened whenever you saw happy couples on the street or on your social media. As you tried not to go outside much more than necessary, you could easily avoid most of those couples as you lowered your gaze, kept your earphones close and walked fast. Online, however, this proved to be much harder. Although you tried to stay away from platforms like Instagram, you couldn’t help but to check on what your friends you were doing. That, however, also included happy couples. You couldn’t help but stare at the pictures fans took of Rami and Lucy for hours on end and stalk Gwil’s Instagram account. Gwil had confided in you about wanting to propose to his girlfriend and when he did, you were one of the first people to know about it as you had helped him plan out the whole evening.

Gwil greatly appreciated that effort. He knew how much it hurt you, but you insisted on helping. If you couldn’t be in a functioning relationship yourself, you at least wanted to see your friends’ relationship bloom.

Summer passed quickly, and it was no surprise when the invitation to Gwil’s wedding came fluttering in. It was scheduled for the end of August, which was still months away as the invitation made its way into your mailbox, now, however, it was only about a week away and you still had to figure out whether you would tell Gwil that you were not feeling too hot or if you were going to buy a dress.

Ever since parting ways with Ben again, he had been texting you every day. Though, at first, you hadn’t replied, you now answered most of them. You were trying to be civil with him, no matter how much pain it caused you. Ben wasn’t doing any better, though.

Every text he sent was so carefully typed. He made sure that every word fit, that there was no way you could misunderstand anything, accentuating his intentions with emojis if necessary, that you knew how he felt and how he missed you. Because he truly meant it.

Neither of you had seen the other again after Helen drove off, it still seemed impossible to you to look at his gorgeous face again without bursting out in tears and breaking down, but you knew that you couldn’t avoid him for much longer. Gwil had told you immediately that he was going to invite Ben, too. He didn’t see a reason to be anything but honest with you. You, obviously, hadn’t expected him not to. You met Gwil through Ben, they had been close friends for longer than you had even known Gwil, so you were aware that there was no way he would leave Ben out.

“I don’t think I’m ready to face him.”, you told Helen as you were pacing in your living room. Over the past months, you had gotten a raise for throwing yourself into much more work than your boss had asked you to and, thus, impressed her. With the new budget and some newfound determination to not let Ben get to you like he had last time, you and Helen had managed to find a flat for yourself.

It was tiny, but in a nice location and your neighbours were all rather friendly. The flat had a kitchen, a bedroom, a bathroom and a room that you used for literally everything else. It wasn’t too big, but, by far, big enough for you. It was a heavenly offer and you didn’t hesitate to rent it.

So far, the flat was rather empty. You only owned what was necessary, it was still missing decorations to become a more comfortable living place. And it was missing memories to become an actual home.

“You will never be ready. But do you really want to miss out on your friend’s wedding because you are afraid of seeing Mr. Dickhead himself?”, Helen was eyeing you as she stuffed her mouth with yet another spoon of her favourite ice cream.

“I hate you.”, you mumbled as you crossed your arms in front of your chest and dropped to the couch.

“I know, I love you, too.”, she replied, the words muffled by the ice cream in her mouth. You two giggled.

“You’re disgusting.”, you told her as you stuffed your own mouth with a spoonful of your favourite ice cream. You had placed it on the table as you started pacing earlier.

“But you haven’t thrown me out yet. And we’re going shopping together tomorrow so I can’t be that bad.”, Helen replied as soon as she swallowed.

It was true. You had asked Helen to help you find a dress you could wear to Gwil’s wedding. She was your best friend and knew exactly what you liked and what suited you best so there was no one else who could possibly do that job better than her.

And so, Helen stayed over for the night, too lazy to make her way back home, and you two got up early on that rainy Saturday morning to go shopping.

It had taken you no less than 12 different shops, what felt like 100 dresses and almost the whole day to find something that you liked. It was a mostly black rockabilly dress with roses ranking up from the seam to your cleavage. Matching the style of your dress, you had also bought red shoes and a thin red belt.

The dress made you feel beautiful. It hugged your curves just right, accentuated the parts of your body that you liked and hid the parts that you disliked. It was a black rockabilly dress. Red roses adorned the bottom of the dress, near the seam and near your cleavage. When you stepped out in the dress, you felt your heart flutter. It was the first time you felt this good while looking into a mirror since that one time Ben had tried to ease your insecurities.

Helen noticed the way you looked at yourself, and the way the men in the store looked at you and knew that this was the dress. The one dress you had to take home. So, being the good friend she was, she didn’t leave room to discuss and told the young woman helping you two that she could stop looking.

Later that evening, you two walked to a little restaurant to have dinner together, then headed back home. It was strange walking into an empty flat, knowing that you would stay alone for the night. You were still used to expecting someone to come home. Whether it was Ben or Helen.

Ben had texted you once more. He was telling you about how Frankie was missing you, still looking for you in his flat, although you had moved out months ago. It seemed like you were not the only one who was taking longer to get used to this new living arrangement than expected.

‘Frankie is not the only one who feels weird about being alone like this. But I guess all of us have to get used to it. I’m sorry I took so long to reply, but I was looking for a dress for Gwil’s wedding and Helen didn’t really give me a minute to breathe.’, you texted Ben as you finally got changed into your pyjamas and lay down in your bed. It didn’t even take Ben a minute to reply.

‘So I’m going to see you there?’

‘I told Gwil that I would be there, and I didn’t spend that much money on a dress and a new pair of shoes to not wear them.’

‘Do you want me to stay away from you or can we talk? I miss your voice. I miss you. I swear I’ll keep my hands to myself, I just want to be able to be spend time with you again. I haven’t seen you in months.’ Ben’s reply felt so sincere, you couldn’t bring yourself to say no. But you also couldn’t help but let a few tears fall.

You were missing him dearly. You missed being close to him. You missed his morning breath and his perfume. You missed the way he would randomly hug you from behind and kiss your cheek whenever you were doing housework. You missed the way he would look at you when you told him to go out with someone else because you didn’t feel to good about yourself. You missed lazy Sunday mornings in bed with him and the hazy state both of you found yourselves in after sex.

‘We can talk. Let’s just try not to talk about anything that might cause drama. I don’t want to ruin their special day. Good night, Ben.’, you texted him, knowingly not replying to him telling you that he was missing you and that he wanted to spend time with you. You couldn’t reply to that. Not right now.

You put your phone on the nightstand, the display facing downwards, as you plugged it in and turned around to go to sleep.

Over the following days, you and Ben had texted some more. He mentioned missing your relationship and you a few more times, but you couldn’t make yourself reply to those phrases, instead talking to him about other things.

Now, you found yourself getting ready for the wedding. You were truly anxious to face Ben again, but you talked to Gwil once more and he and the rest of the BoRhap cast vowed to help you out when you found yourself in an uncomfortable situation with Ben. How exactly they wanted to do that, you were not sure, but you were certain that you were to find out later that day.

The ceremony started rather early in the morning. It took place in a beautiful little garden. Nothing too big or fancy, just right. It was definitely magical.

The second you arrived at the venue, Lucy had already wrapped her arms around you in a tight hug. You hadn’t seen her, Rami and Joe in ages and you had missed each of them a lot.

“You look gorgeous! How are you doing?”, Lucy asked as she pulled out of the hug again and held you at an arm’s length, staring at you intently. You knew exactly what she meant, but you decided not to get into great details. Not today.

“I’m good. A bit tired, but good.”, you replied and small-talk ensued as she took you to where Joe and Rami were standing under a tree, seeking the shadow.

“YOU’RE ALIVE!”, Joe yelled as soon as he spotted you, making you jump lightly. You knew Joe and you were aware that he was rather goofy, but you definitely hadn’t expected him to yell. A lot of the other guests that had arrived early had probably turned to watch your little group, but you couldn’t care less.

“Don’t be so sure about that. Maybe I’m a ghost”, you told him with a wink before hugging him tightly.

“That’s unlikely. You’re radiating with life.”, Rami told you as you moved to hug him.

“He’s right.”, you heard the all too familiar deep voice right behind you. The boys were looking nervous, their gaze moving rapidly between you two. You blushed, your arms raising to cross in front of your chest as you turned to face him.

The moment your eyes met, you felt your heart skip a beat or two and you were not sure whether it was because of the feelings you still had for him or if it was due to the way he looked.

Ben looked a lot better than he had when you met him in the café. Back then, he looked like literal death. Now, there was still some evidence that he was not doing too well, but it wasn’t nearly as obvious. He looked good in his suit, the white jacket, coincidentally with some little flower embroidery on his chest, but there were a few things off about him.

His hair, for one, was a tad bit longer, his curls coming through, but it looked strangely dull, not as shiny as it usually did.

His smile did not reach those gorgeous green eyes, the dark circles under his eyes, however, were quite prominent in his face.

Ben looked paler. Like he hadn’t really seen the sun too much throughout the summer. You knew that he was gone for filming and didn’t spend too much in rainy London, but you thought he would have at least a hint of a healthy tan. He did have a little blush on his cheeks, though, as he stared down at you.

The last thing you had noticed about his looks was his lips. They looked very chapped and you immediately understood why as Ben pulled his lip in between his teeth and gnawed lightly at it.

You felt how your cheeks heated up and gazed towards your feet rather than his face and nodded a bit.

“Thanks, Ben. You don’t look to bad yourself.”, you replied quietly. His smell filled your nostrils. It was that divine smell of the perfume you had gotten for him on his last birthday.

“We both know that you’re lying, love.”, Ben chuckled under his breath, his hand finding its way to your upper back, almost like he was asking for permission to hug you. Your friends were eyeing you carefully and especially Lucy and Joe looked like they were having a telepathic discussion on how to proceed with the current situation.

You raised your hand to pat Ben’s back, giving him a weird little side-hug.

“Hey, Y/N, I think we should get something to drink, don’t you? It’s so warm and I’m thirsty! Anyone want something?”, Lucy suddenly asked, grabbing your arm and taking a few steps back with you.

“Yeah, sure.”, you told her. The guys politely declined the offer, giving you and Lucy the opportunity to escape. Joe quickly engaged in a lively discussion with Ben and Rami, but you felt Ben’s eyes on your back as you left.

You had finished the first drink of the day, a decent glass of white wine, before you had even seen Gwil or his bride, but it didn’t matter to you. Your goal was to reach a level of drunkenness in which you didn’t feel uncomfortable talking to Ben by the end of the day. You wanted to have at least one nice conversation with him and you could already tell that it was going to be tough.

Soon, you had met Gwil. He was a nervous mess, always fiddling with something, stumbling over his words, but as soon as he looked into his soon-to-be bride’s eyes, he found some grounding and managed to get his vows out with only a few stutters.

You were crying. Full on ugly crying. You didn’t even try to hold back the tears, it stung too much, and you knew that you would cry sooner or later. Sooner was better, though. Gave you more time to fix your make up or even an excuse to leave earlier.

A tissue entered your field of vision. Ben was holding it out to you, silently asking if you needed it. You gave him a thankful nod before carefully dabbing at the tears.

“Here, let me help.”, Ben said once the ceremony ended and you were safe from tears for the moment. His hand was under your chin, carefully tilting your face up so he had a better view. Ben’s tongue poked out lightly between his lips as he was unbelievably focused on fixing your makeup.

“You are by far the most beautiful person here. And that’s a lot to say, Joe is standing only a few steps away from us in that new suit of his.”, Ben told you teasingly, his lips forming into a grin as he wet his lips with his tongue. You giggled lightly. By now, you had had quite a bit to drink and the alcohol was slowly kicking in.

“I appreciate the compliment, Ben.”, you told him sincerely as your own hand found his wrist. There was a strange moment of silence between you two, neither of you knew what to say, nor how to act. It wasn’t uncomfortable, it was the opposite, really. You hadn’t felt this comfortable near Ben in quite some time and it was like you were falling in love with him all over again. You lost yourself in those familiar green eyes, in that warm smile that finally reached his eyes.

That was, until Joe came tumbling by.

“Gwil is looking for you guys for the pictures!”, Joe excitedly told you as he pushed himself in between you and Ben, wrapping an arm around each of your shoulders as he walked you to the photographer.

You and Ben hadn’t gotten a new chance to talk for quite some time that day, Joe was always trying to guide him away from you. Whether it was during the reception, the dinner, he did not let Ben leave his sight for a single second. After that sincere moment between you and Ben, you were almost mad at Joe for fulfilling that task so well. Scratch that, you were mad.

You were sitting with Lucy and Rami throughout most of the wedding. Lucy continuously glanced towards you, opening her mouth as if she was trying to ask what had been going on between you and your ex-boyfriend earlier that day, but she stopped herself, opting to talk about something else instead.

But at some point, she and Rami were slow dancing together and you made your way to the bar, ordering a new drink. You didn’t know how many drinks you already had, but you were past the point of caring. The wedding had continuously reminded you of what you couldn’t have and it hurt too much to force yourself through it in a sober state. By now, the wedding had reached a point where most people only stayed to get drunk anyway, so one more drunk did not matter.

A sigh escaped your lips as you stared at the colourful cocktail the bartender had mixed for you.

“Would you mind if I sat here with you?”, Ben’s deep voice sounded near your ear, drowning out the loud music.

“Not at all.”, you replied, still eyeing your drink. Ben quickly ordered something for himself, then moved his chair closer to yours.

“It’s good to see you again.”, Ben told you as he sipped away at his own drink.

“Same goes for you. Though it’s a shame that little Frankie isn’t here with you.”, you replied with a little smirk.

“Well, you could always come home with me and see her, love.”, he told you with an equal smirk, pushing your shoulder with his own lightly. You giggled.

“You know full well that I won’t. Not now.”, your mood dropped again instantly. Ben noticed. He picked up on it and instead pulled out his phone to show you goofy pictures of Frankie.

Both of you had ordered a few more drinks until you were both in that tranquil and giggly state that never lasted too long. You two were still quite aware of your surroundings, you had full control over your limbs, but you had forgotten about your worries. And so, it wasn’t a surprise that, when you and Ben found yourselves staring at the starry sky above you, you took a step closer to Ben. He wrapped his arms tightly around you. His own gaze had settled upon your face long ago, you were a much prettier sight than the stars.

“Y/N.”, he mumbled. You looked up at him with a hum.

“Please tell me to stop if you don’t want this.”, he told you, his eyebrows knitted together as he watched your expressions. His face was one of pure worry. He was scared that you would push him away, but he was even more scared that you wouldn’t. In your utterly happy state, you moved to stand on your toes and pressed your lips to his.

The kiss felt so comfortably familiar. You were sure you could get drunk off the feeling of his lips on yours, his hands pulling you closer by your waist as your own hands tangled in his curls. Little moans escaped your lips just as much as his as your lips messily moved against each other, but neither of you could care less.

Soon, Ben’s kisses moved from your lips to your cheeks, over your jaw, to your neck. He easily found your sweet spot and you were already putty in his hands.

“Please take me to your room.”, you asked Ben breathily as you gave his curls a tug, knowing full well that he had also booked a room at the hotel the reception was held at, just like you and many other guests had.

“Wasn’t planning on leaving you here.”, Ben mumbled as he moved his lips to press against yours again in a short, but sweet, kiss, before taking your hand in his and walking back inside. You two avoided being seen by either Gwil, Joe, Rami or Lucy surprisingly well, and stumbled towards the elevator that would bring you to Ben’s room.

As soon as you stepped into his room, you two moved messily with each other, still knowing each other’s bodies quite well, but the alcohol in your systems made everything a little harder.

“I missed this…”, you mumbled once you curled up against Ben’s sweaty chest. Your muscles were aching, the aftereffects of the by now unfamiliar movements slowly kicking in. Ben nodded lightly, still out of it from his orgasm, as his fingers ran through your hair in a soothing manner.

“You don’t need to miss this.”, he told you seriously.

“I know, but I don’t think I can do this just yet. And I understand that you might want to move on and look for a new person to grow old with- “, you started, but Ben stopped you with a soft kiss to your lips.

“Stop it. I love you the most. I love you more than anyone or anything. You can push me away as much as you want to, I’ve been a dick, I deserve it, but I won’t stop loving you.”, Ben’s voice was soft as his eyes were focused on your own.

“Your touch feels so good. And I’m not talking in a sexual way only. When you fixed my make up earlier today, I just. I don’t know. It’s like you made all of this pain go away.”, you mumbled tiredly. Your eyes were starting to droop, staying awake was hard.

“I know, I feel the same. And I miss how you made me feel better about my body. How you can kiss all my worries away. How you were always the more rational one and helped me through my life when I couldn’t think straight. All I need is you and I can’t believe that I am here with you. That you let me be so close to you.”, Ben mumbled. His words were almost slurred, the alcohol and his own tiredness were a deadly combination for words.

“Can you keep your promises?”, you asked, suddenly sitting up. You made a move to get out of his bed, but Ben caught your wrist and pulled you back.

“I can try. I promise to stay with you until you wake up and if you regret anything we did when you’re sober again, I will leave you alone. Do anything you want. But please stay for the night. I don’t want you to walk out there all the way to your room all on your own and I can’t get up and bring you to your room. I’m too tired, love.”, Ben whispered, watching your every move.

“I’ll stay until the morning comes.”, you grinned tiredly. Your room was only a few steps away from his, but you had always adored this embarrassingly protective side of Ben, but you knew he was only joking, looking for an excuse to get you to stay.

“Until the morning comes.”, Ben repeated, already half asleep as he tugged you into his side, holding you close to him as both of you drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

A truly extraordinary morning was about to come.

#ben hardy x reader #ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy one shot #ben hardy fluff #ben hardy x female reader #ben hardy x reader fluff #ben hardy x reader angst #borhap cast x reader #borhap cast #borhap imagine #joe mazello x reader #gwilym lee x reader #lucy boynton x reader #rami malek x reader #ben hardy x you #margit writes #until

174 notes · View notes

ughseoks-main · 5 years

Text

follow me - |4|

peter parker x reader

summary: you just got your spidey powers and have no idea how to use them, but lucky for you, a certain spider-boy is willing to teach you his ways.

word count: 2.4k

warnings: none just a lil surprise @ end. and tony stark is a snarky lil bitch but we stan because We. Love. Him.

a/n: this chapter is fun! we finally getting into that good stuff. lots of fluff :) let me know what you guys think!

chapter 3 - chapter 5

“Wow.”

Hanging from the mannequin in front of you was a superhero suit. Not just any supersuit, but your supersuit. The white material of the torso stood out against the shiny black arms and legs. Across the white section, a red web pattern was sewn in, and a small red spider sat on the center of the chest.

“Is this really for me?�� you asked in disbelief, jerking your thumb towards the suit, “I think you’re mistaking me for somebody else. This can’t be for me.”

“It’s all yours, kid.” Peter nodded in confirmation to Tony’s statement, and you could see the mix of nervousness and excitement in his demeanor.

“I can’t believe it,” you exhaled, reaching out to touch it, “Can I?”

“It is yours, isn’t it?” Tony joked, gesturing towards the suit, “Go for it.”

Gulping, you ran your fingers across the material, surprised by how soft it was. You’d expected it to be a little tougher, considering the fact that it was supposed to protect you from supervillains.

“It’s a new kind of material we invented,” Peter supplied, almost as if he was reading your thoughts, “It’s soft to the touch, but incredibly hard to damage. It can block a bullet.”

“We also packed in a few little surprises,” Tony added in, moving away from the counter top he’d been leaning on. He walked over to a table and pulled up a document, scrolling through a few pages before hitting the send button. “Spiderboy here told me that he had a few… issues… when he first began to use his suit. So, we compiled a list of all of your suits abilities so you won’t be quite as lost as he was. The built-in AI should also help you out if need be.”

“I have my own AI?” you gasped, covering your mouth with your hands, “This is the best gift I’ve ever gotten, hands down. Thank you, both of you.”

Tony nodded his head towards Spidey. “Spiderman here helped come up with most of the ideas. I basically supervised the project and stepped in when needed, which wasn’t very often. So, you really only have the kid to thank.”

You snapped your head towards the masked hero, jaw dropping. “You did this practically by yourself? That’s insane. And it’s literally so perfect for me.”

Spidey rubbed the back of his neck, shrugging a little bit, “P-People do say I’m a good gift giver.”

Letting out a laugh, you pulled up your phone as it buzzed in your pocket, smiling when you saw that the document from Tony had been delivered. “So, when can I try this thing on?” You asked, eager to test out the suit.

“I’d go ahead and put it on now to try to get used to it. I have a new update on the arms dealers, and I want you two to check it out tomorrow night,” Tony threw over his shoulder as he began to walk out of the room, “I don’t want you to engage this time, either, but please do try not to scare them off.”

“Wait!” Spidey called out after Tony, causing him to stop in his tracks, “I, uh, can’t tomorrow night.”

Tony raised an eyebrow, casting his gaze over to you when you spoke up as well. “I can’t either…” you provided shyly, “I would any other night, but… I just can’t.”

He took a moment to think things over in his head before pulling out his phone to make a call. “Fine. I guess you two deserve to be kids, don’t you? I’ll get some people to cover, but I’d better not find out that this was just an excuse for you two take some time off to smooch.”

Butterflies filled your stomach, so intense you swore they were trying to escape through your mouth.

“W-What??” Spidey waved his hands frantically in front of him, “W-We don’t like each other like that!”

“Sorry,” Tony shrugged, placing the phone up to his ear, “I can’t listen to your lies because I’m on the phone. Try another time.” With that, he exited the lab, leaving you and Spidey to awkwardly stand alone.

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, you spoke up, “Well, I should probably head out,” you gestured to the suit, “I’ll practice with this some tonight so hopefully I’ll have the basics of it down by our next meeting.”

“Y-Yeah,” he stuttered, still flustered from Tony’s comment, “I’ll, uh, see you later.”

— -

“So, did the person like your gift?”

The soft light from the large windows in the cafeteria cascaded down upon you as you sat with Peter, working on some chemistry homework that was due in two periods. He was in the middle of solving a problem when the question escaped your lips, confusing him slightly for a few seconds until he realized what you were talking about. You’d asked because you’d randomly remembered that small tidbit of information from your coffee outing, curious as to whether or not things had panned out the way he’d hoped.

“Hmm? O-Oh! Yeah, I think that they did.” His cheeks flushed red as you playfully punched his arm, happy that everything worked out for him.

“See, I told you that you had nothing to worry about.”

Peter took a moment to giggle awkwardly before coming back at you with a question of his own. “So, are you going on the tour of that national lab this weekend?”

“I’m signed up, but I think I might have to cancel,” you pouted, resting your chin on your hand and sticking out your bottom lip, “My mom can’t take me now because she can’t take off work anymore and she doesn’t trust me to drive that far by myself.”

“Oh,” Peter seemed disappointed, casting his gaze to the floor for a moment before a lightbulb went off in his head, “Hey, Aunt May is taking me if, um, if you wanted to carpool with us?”

“That’d be awesome!” you grinned, causing Peter to smile in return, “You sure it isn’t too much trouble?”

“Not at all!” he pulled out his phone to text his aunt, “I’ll send you the details after I ask Aunt May. I’m sure she won’t mind!”

Just as he finished speaking, the bell rang, signaling five minutes until you had to be in Statistics and Peter had to be in Calculus. You gathered your notebooks in one arm and your lunch tray in the other, standing up from your seat and tossing your trash into the bin behind you. “See you in chem later?” you waved to Peter, indicating that you wanted to sit next to him for the lab that afternoon.

“Totally!” he smiled back, giving you a cheesy grin before you went your separate ways.

— -

peter: we’re here! :)

you: okay, be out in a sec

You grabbed your duffle bag and sling it over your shoulder, kissing your mom on the cheek and stuffing a hot waffle into your mouth before running out the front door. It was Friday night and raining cats and dogs, even though just that afternoon the forecast said it’d be sunny out. Just your luck.

Lightly jogging towards the car, you leaped over a few puddles before skidding to a stop behind the trunk. You tossed your bag in and made your way back around the side of the car. Grabbing the handle, you opened the door quickly and slid in without looking, only to slide right into Peter’s shoulder.

“Oh!” you jumped away from him, eyes wide at the wet patch now soaking his t-shirt where you’d hit him, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t even realize you were sitting back here and now you’re all wet—”

“It’s totally okay!” he threw up his hands in defense, trying to make you feel better, “I didn’t want you to get lonely on the way over, so I decided to sit with you.”

“T-thanks,” you tucked a strand of wet hair behind your ear, sitting awkwardly for a moment before you snap your head up and realize that you totally forgot to say hello to Aunt May. “Hi May! Thanks so much for taking me, it means a lot.”

“Of course!” She gave you a cheesy smile, throwing a wink your way, “It’s always nice meeting Peter’s internship friends.”

The two of you settled into the backseat in a comfortable silence, occasionally holding up your phones for the other to see as you scrolled through various meme accounts. Every so often the two of you would let out small giggles, causing Aunt May to look up into the rearview mirror and smile softly. Her Aunt senses were beginning to tell her that there was something special about your connection to Peter, and she couldn’t wait to see where your friendship would go.

The rain was still beating against the car when you pulled up in front of the hotel. May ended up having to circle back into the parking lot because the overhang in front of the door was filled with cars where students were grabbing their luggage and saying goodbye to their parents for the weekend. So, you and Peter were going to have to make a break for it to avoid being soaked. The two of you gave each other a look and nodded before jumping out of the car and grabbing your bags as quickly as possible.

“Have fun!” Aunt May shouted one last goodbye through the partially rolled down window, “Text me what time to pick you up on Sunday!”

“Bye May!” you shouted, giving her a quick wave before running into the building alongside Peter. Rain beat down against your hair and shoulders, soaking you thoroughly before you managed to get through the front doors. You looked like a wet dog, your hair glistening with drops of rain as you walked up to the advisor sent to oversee the trip while Peter ran over to say hi to Ned.

“Say, Y/N, is it raining right now?” she asked, winking at you as you let out a laugh.

“Nope! Not at all. What is rain?” you joked back, “I’ve never even heard of it.”

“Hmm… maybe you should pay more attention in meteorology class, Y/N,” she gave you a false stern look before holding up her clipboard, running her finger along it until she finally found your name. “Okay, so… your roommate situation is… unique.”

“In what way?” you asked slowly, a little bit nervous as to where this was going. Were they going to put you in the room with the vending machine or something?

“Well, we didn’t anticipate for this many students to come, and there was an issue with getting all of the rooms booked,” she explained, trying not to freak you out, “Normally, we would never place two students of the opposite gender in the same room together. However… you and this student are two of our most diligent, so we’re trusting you to behave yourselves.”

“Uhh…” you took a moment to process the information. To be honest, you were still a little confused, but whoever it was couldn’t be that bad. Noticing that she was waiting for you to say something, you managed to get out “Y-Yeah, I guess that’s okay. Who’s, uh, the other student?”

“Peter Parker.”

Almost as if he was on cue, Peter came up next to you, so close to you that your shoulders were brushing. “Somebody say my name?” he joked, not having paid attention to the first half of the conversation since he was across the room with Ned.

“We’re roommates,” you said somewhat blankly, still a little shocked. Sure, it really wasn’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things; but for a teenager on a high school trip, rooming with somebody of the opposite gender was pretty wild.

“O-Oh,” his face flushed red and his eyes darted everywhere but your face, “Cool! That’s cool.”

“Is that okay?” the advisor asked, “We can figure out something else if either of you are overwhelmingly uncomfortable with the situation-”

“No, no,” you assured her, holding up your hands in front of you, “It’s totally okay. Just a little shocked at first, that’s all.”

Peter nodded in confirmation as you held out your hand, taking the room keys from the advisor. Shifting the duffle bag on your shoulder, you began to walk down the hallway, Peter trailing closely behind on the carpeted floor. Your footsteps went pat pat pat as you walked, the soft sound stopping when you reached the elevator.

For the entirety of the journey from the lobby to your room, you and Peter said nothing. But it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was more of a tired silence; the kind that happens when it’s late at night and you’re too drained to talk, but too content in each others’ presence to sleep.

When you finally unlocked the door to the room, you immediately ran over to the bed and dropped your duffle bag, flopping over onto your back. “I. Am. So. Tired.” you sighed, a wave of sleepiness washing over you. It blossomed from your chest, filling your lungs and tingling down your gut like a warm blanket when you took another deep breath.

“Me too,” Peter ran a hand through his tousled hair, nodding towards the shower, “I think I’m gonna take a shower really quick, if that’s okay with you?”

You nodded without looking up, wiping your hand across your eyes. “I’ll probably jump in after you. If I’m asleep when you get out, just wake me up.”

__________

Peter flipped on the light and shut the door behind him, blinking a few times at the harsh white light of the bathroom. He’d just pulled his shirt off when suddenly, he heard a small yelp outside of the door, his spidey senses sending a wave of panic throughout his body.

“Y/N?” he didn’t even bother to throw his shirt back on as he threw open the door, scanning the room for any signs of you.

Nothing.

Just silence.

Moonlight poured through the now open window across the room, the cream curtains blowing with the breeze.

Your phone, laying cracked on the ground next to the bed where you’d been sitting, was the only sign left of you in the dim light of the hotel room.

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