a-mended-pact

[a-mended-pact]

Sticks & Stones - Chapter 16 [Spencer Reid x fem! Reader]

Taglist closed.

A/N - here is chapter 16 one of my personal favourites! Lyrics are from Somewhere Only We Know by Keane, which you can listen to here.

/// indicates change of perspective. Starts in Reader’s POV.

This fic is a slow burn. Strangers to friends to very eventual lovers. Smut to come in later chapters but you will have to bear with it!

CW: its readers birthday! Will Spencer pull out all the stops? Family reunion, making out, some insecurities, intamacy and build up to sex.

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

WC: 4K

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Chapter 16 - Somewhere Only We Know

And if you have a minute, why don’t we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything,

So why don’t we go somewhere only we know?

Avoiding Spencer hadn’t been intentional. I didn’t make a conscious decision to do it. It shouldn’t have freaked me out as much as it did when he asked me to move in with him. But it did.

I loved him, I really loved him. I’ve never felt like this before in my life. He made me feel safe in ways I didn’t know were possible.

But I loved having my own space, despite not spending a lot of time there. It gave me somewhere to run away should I need to. I spent years trapped in a house with no means of escape. And although I knew Spencer would never do that to me, my trauma didn’t allow me to completely believe that.

Yesterday he showed up at my door and told me we’re going out tonight. He wouldn’t tell me where or what we were doing. He was cryptic which was unlike him.

Today was my twenty-ninth birthday but of course he didn't know that. It must have just been coincidental. I had no desire to celebrate my birthday, my last eleven had been extremely disappointing so I learnt not to get my hopes up.

With all the free time I’d found myself with when I wasn’t spending every waking minute with Spencer, I’d made a new dress which I decided to wear tonight.

It was a nineteen fifties style, rockabilly swing dress in emerald green. It was satin and felt like heaven against my skin. Now I am getting a little more confident with my body, I had made it a little more low cut than my usual designs but it was still conservative.

I paired it with some black kitten heels and a vintage white fur coat.

I spent a long time on my hair and make-up, wanting to look perfect.

At exactly eight PM, Spencer knocked on my door.

I felt a flutter of nerves in my stomach but I don’t know why. I tried to force them down as I opened the door.

I didn’t have a chance to say hello to him before Cara bounded over and came between us. She got up on her back paws and grappled for Spencer’s attention.

“Hey girl.” He laughed, giving her head a scratch.

I got her down from him and looked him up and down.

He looked devine, more so than usual.

He wore black slacks and a matching suit jacket over a crisp white shirt and burgundy tie.

His hair was slicked back and he’d recently shaved.

He, too, was looking me up and down.

“My god,” he breathed, his eyes coming to a stop on mine. “You look…I’m not sure there’s even a word for it.”

He stepped closer to me, cautiously testing the water.

I allowed him to cup my face and place a soft kiss on my lips.

“I’ve missed you.” He whispered.

“I’ve been right here.” I shrugged, stepping out of his hold.

We both know that wasn’t strictly true.

Yes, physically I had been right here. But mentally I had been incredibly distant.

He chose not to argue with me on that fact and just nodded a little sadly instead.

“Are you ready to go, pretty girl?”

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” I picked up my bag and said goodnight to Cara before following Spencer out the door.

“Not a chance.” His eyes were sparkling.

I had no idea what to expect tonight. But his eyes told me it would be a night I would never forget.

***

We took a cab a long way through DC and eventually we pulled up at a house that could only be described as a mansion.

Spencer got out of the car and dashed around to my side to open my door for me. He held out his hand to help me out.

“Have I told you you look stunning tonight?” He entwined our fingers and started leading me towards the house.

“About ten times on the ride.” I giggled a little.

“Well it’s worth repeating because you do.” He squeezed my hand as we approached the front door.

He didn’t knock, he just let us in the house. It was expansive but silent.

I had no idea what was going on.

If I wasn’t mistaken, he was nervous. His hand was shaking in mine and it was a little sweaty. I’d never seen him like this before.

“Seriously Spence, what’s going on?”

“You’ll soon see my dear.”

///

God I don’t know why I was so nervous. I just wanted to make her happy, I only ever wanted to make her happy.

With Garcia’s help, tracking down her parents had been easy. She’d offered to come and talk to them with me but that was something I needed to do alone.

Y/N looked the spitting image of her mother only a younger version. They had the same hair colour, the same expressive eyes and identical smiles.

I explained everything to them: how Brett had kept her from everything and everyone she loved. How she’d been trapped in that house with no means of escape. I told them about his murders and the fact he was now behind bars.

I told them how Y/N was getting her life back on track after years of suffering at his hands and how I knew she missed them a great deal.

I just hoped this hadn’t crossed a line.

She hadn’t told me it was her birthday which should have probably told me she didn’t want to celebrate it.

Why was this all starting to seem like such a bad idea now we were actually here and it was too late to stop it?

I’d been so wrapped up in planning this that I hadn’t taken a breath to consider she might not actually want this.

Oh god, what was I doing?

It was too late to turn back now, I had my free hand on the door handle leading to Rossi’s garden.

The time for panicking was over. I opened the door and led the way into the garden.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Everyone chorused the second she came into view.

I watched as her eyes darted over the faces.

Garcia, Tara and Emily. Stella and Luke, Rossi and Krystall, Matt and Kristy and JJ and Will.

And then they found her mom and dad and her jaw fell open.

She didn’t speak, she just turned slowly to face me with a questioning expression.

“I hope this is ok.” I squeezed her hand. “Garcia helped me track them down.”

She still didn’t speak when she turned back to her parents, seemingly blocking everything else out.

For what felt like hours but was really only minutes, she stared at them with her lips parted.

And then suddenly she let go of my hand and took off running.

She practically collapsed into her mothers arms and both women started sobbing instantly.

///

“Mom!” I buried my head into my mom's neck and she smelt exactly how I remembered.

Her arms now wrapped around me in the kind of comforting embrace you could only get from the person who gave you life.

“Sweetheart.” She cried, holding me so tight I could barely breathe but I didn’t care.

I felt another set of arms engulf us both and I knew it was my dad.

“Y/N we missed you so much.” I could hear the emotion in his voice.

I don’t know how long we stayed like that, like in our little world. It was as though no time had passed.

“Happy birthday Y/N.” My mom pulled back and kissed my forehead. “You look so…grown up.”

“I c-can’t believe you’re here.” I sniffed, trying not to cry anymore. God knows I’d already ruined my make-up. “I’m so sorry. I never wanted to lose you from my life but he…he-“

“Shush princess, it’s ok.” My dad cooed. “He explained everything.”

He nodded over my shoulder. I followed his gaze to Spencer who was standing watching us with a bright smile.

“He’s a catch honey.” My mom whispered and it made me giggle.

Mine and Spencer’s eyes were locked and he looked at me as though I was the most important person that had ever lived.

My heart pounded in my chest. He’d done all of this just to make me smile. He’d thrown me a birthday party even though I hadn’t told him it was my birthday. He’d tracked down my parents who I hadn’t spoken to in years.

To say he was a catch was an understatement.

“He certainly is.” I agreed. Although knight in shining armour seemed better suited.

***

The night was a wonderful whirlwind. I spent hours catching up with my parents, making up for all our lost time. It was overwhelming being with them again. I knew I’d missed them but I didn’t realise how much until they were here. And I had Spencer to thank.

I introduced them to Stella and the team, avoiding Jennifer as much as possible. I’m not even sure why she agreed to come when she clearly had disdain towards me. But I kept my distance and so did she.

Garcia gifted me with a t-shirt with a picture of Cara on it and text that read “I’m a freaking paw-some Akita mom.” She also gifted me some more cute plant pots for my growing collection.

The rest of the team chipped in on a fancy coffee machine for me and a special meal for me and Spencer.

Stella and Luke got me an array of kitten related items. A pink kitten stuffed animal, a kitten keychain and pajama set with kittens on.

Afterwards, Stella pulled me aside and gave me one more gift she me told didn’t think I’d be comfortable opening in front of the others, especially my parents.

It was an extremely expensive lingerie set, a pale purple babydoll, more sheer than the one I’d gotten previously with beautiful flowers stitched into the breasts and a matching lacy thong.

“Spencer will lose his shit when he sees you in that.” She winked at me and I couldn’t stop the blush spreading to my cheeks. “You should go and put it on. You want to be ready when you get home.”

I thought about ignoring her inference but just the thought made me a little wet.

I excused myself to use Rossi’s bathroom and I slipped the lingerie on under my dress.

Just in case.

When I came back to the garden I found Spencer alone on the patio. With everything going on I had barely had a chance to spend any time with him.

“Hey you,” he smiled and pulled me in for a hug as soon as I was close enough. “Are you having a good birthday?”

“The best.” I spoke into his shirt, wrapping my arms tightly around him. “Thank you so, so much Spencer. This has been the best birthday of my life.”

He cupped my face and guided me to look at him.

“You deserve the whole damn world Dahlia. I just hope I managed to give you a small slice.”

I got up on my tiptoes and placed a kiss on his lips. I only intended on giving him a small peck but his hand cupped the back of my head and kept me close to him.

His tongue ran along my bottom lip and I parted my lips for him.

He kissed me more passionately than he ever has before. It completely took my breath away.

“You found my parents.” I spoke into his lips. “I can’t believe you found my parents.”

“I know you aren’t used to being treated with kindness my love, but you need to get used to it. Because it’s the only way I’m going to ever treat you.”

He pulled back and took hold of my hands. I’d missed him, I’d missed this. I hated how things have gotten recently.

Clearly he read my mind.

“I’m sorry I made things weird between us Y/N. I never meant to make you uncomfortable. Honestly it came out of my mouth before I’d realised I was going to say it. And although I would love nothing more than you to move in with me, I want you to take all the time you need sweetheart. Just please don’t shut me out.”

“You know,” I smiled at him. “For a so-called genius, you aren’t very observant.”

He frowned at me a little.

“What do you mean?”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Do you ever check your drawers?” I giggled but his frown only deepened. “Everyday after you leave for work, I’ve been sneaking in and leaving more of my stuff in your apartment.”

I saw the cogs turning in his head and his frown slowly started to turn into a smile.

“You…does that mean…”

“Two days ago I gave a month's notice on my lease.”

I watched as his whole face lit up like a small child being told he could have dessert for dinner.

His hold on my hands tightened and tears sprung behind his eyes.

“You’re…m-moving in with me?”

“If that’s still ok, Doctor?”

He threw his arms around me again and held me tight against his chest.

“I couldn’t think of anything in the world I want more.” He kissed me again and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had made the right decision.

This man was all I needed. He was my rock, my saviour; my guiding light.

“Oh!” He exclaimed as he pulled away from me. “I haven’t given you your present!” He started digging in his pocket.

“I think you’ve done more than enough Spencer. You really didn’t need to get me a present.”

He was suddenly excitedly thrusting a red jewellery box my way, the largest smile on his lips.

“Open it.” He was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet.

I looked from him, to the box in my hands, running my fingers along the fabric.

I snapped it open. Inside sat a beautiful gold heart shaped locket with a flower etched into the front.

My hands shook a little as I carefully lifted it from the box. Spencer took the box from me so I could open the locket.

On one side was a photograph of me and my parents from when I was five years old. I was sitting on my dad's knee and he had his arms wrapped around me while my mom was kissing my cheek.

On the other side was a picture taken a few months ago in Spencer’s apartment. We were sitting on his couch and he had his arm firmly around my shoulders while Cara sat in our laps.

My tears started falling before I realised I was going to cry.

Spencer took the locket from me and draped it around my neck, clasping it at the back.

As soon as it was secured my hand flew to it and I held the little heart between my fingers.

“It’s b-beautiful Spencer.” I sniffed as he cupped my face. “It’s the most beautiful gift anyone has ever given me.”

“It’s nowhere near as beautiful as you.” He smiled so lovingly at me, if I wasn’t already crying that would have set me off.

He kissed me again and he had the same look on his face when he pulled back.

“Dahlia, I…I lov-“

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!”

Suddenly everyone was singing and Penelope proudly carried a cake my way while everyone else chorused.

I looked from the cake to Spencer who was now looking sheepishly at his feet.

I appreciated Penelope’s gesture, but her timing could not have been worse.

Had Spencer just been about to tell me he loved me?

///

It was probably for the best that Garcia brought the cake out when she did. I’m still not sure I’m ready to confess my love to Y/N, even though I knew that’s what I was feeling.

I wasn’t ready for it to just come flying out like that.

We ate cake, we made the rounds and she had a dopey smile on her face all night.

I am so enamoured by her smile and being the person to put that smile on her face made me feel invincible.

Several hours later we got a taxi home. Our home. It was no longer just mine.

We fetched Cara from her apartment and after about ten minutes of her being excited to see us, she fell asleep on the couch.

The sexual tension that washed over the entire apartment was almost suffocating. I’d always wanted her, but at that moment I thought I might die if I didn’t have her.

“Tonight has been perfect.” She whispered as she wrapped her fingers around my tie. “Just perfect.”

“I’m so glad Dahlia.” I smiled at her. My heart was hammering in my chest. “Sweetheart?”

“Yes?”

“What is on your mind? I can see it behind your eyes. You’re thinking about something. I want you to tell me what you are thinking.”

I watched her take a deep breath and I worried for a minute she wouldn’t tell me. But when she spoke I swear I felt all the air leave my lungs.

“I want…to see you…really see you. All of you.” She played with my tie. “I want to u-undress you.”

My god, how could such a simple sentence make my head spin so much?

It only really occurred to me then she had never seen me naked. She’d had glimpses of my chest under my shirt but even when we’ve been intimate it’s been under covers.

I’d seen her beautiful breasts and what was between her legs in all its glory. But she’d never seen me.

And I had never wanted someone to see me more in my entire life.

“I’ve told you sweet girl, you can do whatever you want to me.” Why was I so nervous? Why were my palms sweating and my heart racing?

Why did it feel like time had slowed down?

She brought her fingers up to the knot in my tie and started toying with it. I felt like we were in a movie.

I didn’t have words so I simply stood there dumb while she undid my tie and dropped it to the floor.

She ran her fingers over the fabric of my shirt covering my chest and then her delicate hands slipped over my shoulders, under my jacket and with a small shrug, it too was on the floor.

She played with the collar of my shirt, running her fingers over it before coming to my top button.

She kept her eyes fixed on me as she slowly started unbuttoning the shirt.

One by one she undid them, leaving a little more exposed skin behind with each one. She didn’t touch my flesh as much as I wanted her to. I felt as though I was screaming for her touch without actually making a sound.

It seemed to take a lifetime for her to reach the final button. I don’t know if she was deliberately doing it so painfully slowly or if it was just my imagination.

Once it was undone she gave me a small nod as if to tell me to get rid of the offending item.

I did. With a small shrug of my shoulders I let the shirt slip down my arms and join my jacket on the floor.

A low hiss left her lips as she eyed my torso. Since prison I’d gained some weight, mostly on my stomach and I’d been a little conscious of it if truth be told.

But the way Y/N was looking at me melted all those insecurities away. The look in her eyes said I was the most attractive man she’d ever laid eyes on.

She placed her hands flush on my chest, over my nipples and the feeling of her skin on mine made my dick harden in an instant.

It was still so unbelievable the effect she had on me and my body. I still had marks on my chest from the last time she dug her nails into me and she ran her fingertips over the marks.

Just as I got used to the gentleness of her touch, she ran her nails down the centre of my chest, testing the boundaries.

The noise that escaped me was completely involuntary but it was animalistic. Her eyes darkened and her lip turned up at the corner.

She scratched me again, harder this time and I almost growled.

She ran her nails down the length of my torso, not using too much pressure but just enough.

She chewed her lip, her breathing getting heavier just from touching me. I noticed her squeeze her thighs together as she reached my stomach.

She went back to using the pads of her fingers to caress my tummy, paying close attention to the faint line of hair that went from my belly button and down below the waistband of my pants.

Her fingers grazed just above my waistband, causing a moan to leave my lips. She clenched her thighs together again at the sound I made.

I was a little delirious if truth be told. I had never been touched in such a loving way before. And the look in her eyes told me she liked what she was seeing.

Her hands moved to the backs of my hands and then slowly trailed up my arms. By the time she reached my biceps, my flesh was covered in goosebumps.

She moved around me and I stayed still. She caressed my shoulders as though she were massaging me, digging her nails slightly into my shoulder blades.

She traced my spine with a feather light touch, paying attention to every single one of my vertebrae, as if trying to commit to memory the way each one rose to the surface.

She came back around to stand in front of me and placed her hands on my hips. I saw the nerves wash over her as she looked down at my belt.

I wanted to tell her she didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to but the words got caught in my throat.

She knew by now nothing was expected of her. She knew if she wanted to stop she could.

I had to stop babying her or we would never make it any further.

Her hands glided across my stomach and came to a stop on my belt buckle. She didn’t hesitate long though before she was unhooking it and then working on my button and zipper.

My breath hitched as she started pulling my slacks over my hips and down my thighs.

I kicked them off my feet while her eyes took in my lower body.

I was straining hard against my boxers, and she moaned as her eyes caressed me.

Once again her hands went to my hips and her eyes looked back on mine, questioning me if she should go further.

I said nothing, I wanted her to carry on on her own terms.

It was a few long minutes of unspoken words passing between us before she hooked her fingers in the sides of my underwear.

This was it. The point of no return.

Her thighs clenched tighter than before as she slowly pulled down my boxers and my erection sprung free. The last remaining piece of fabric ended up on the floor with the rest.

She made the most sinful sound as she looked at me in all my glory, her thighs squeezed tightly together.

She looked me up and down, taking in every hair, every freckle and everything in between.

I had never felt so important or attractive in my entire life. I had spent so long using sex as defence and I think people got the wrong impression of me. I was by no means a confident man. I never had been. But prison had stripped me of what little confidence I’d had.

But at this moment, the way Y/N was looking at me, I felt like a god. Her god. Her Seeker.

I’d only ever wanted to be good enough for her and right now I finally felt it.

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[a-mended-pact]

Sticks and Stones - Chapter 9 [Spencer Reid x fem! Reader]

Taglist is open, and now has an option to be tagged in this series - you can find the form here.

A/N - here is chapter 9! Lyrics are from Death of a Batchelor by Panic! At The Disco, which you can listen to here.

/// indicates change of perspective. Starts in Reader’s POV.

This fic is a slow burn. Strangers to friends to very eventual lovers. Smut to come in later chapters but you will have to bear with it!

CW: flirty Stella, swears, masturbation (male), insecurities, dog related fluffiness, sex dreams (including oral male receiving, penetrative sex, unprotected sex), talk of being demisexual, some mild angst (?)

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

WC: 5.2K

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Chapter 9 - Death of a Batchelor

The death of a Batchelor,

Seems so fitting for

Happily ever after.

How could I ask for more?

A lifetime of laughter,

At the expense of the death of a Batchelor.

I tried to get out of the shopping trip but Stella was like a dog with a bone and wouldn’t take no for an answer.

I even tried to insist I had to work, which I didn’t, but even that wasn’t enough.

She dragged me to a high end lingerie store and she was excitedly scouring the racks while I just stood dumbly watching her.

I hadn’t even told her Spencer and I weren’t actually having sex. It seemed too pathetic to tell her that I wanted to look sexy for a man I wasn’t sleeping with.

Stella found a selection of lingerie she said Spencer would go nuts over and tossed them at me, insisting I buy them all.

I wasn’t very good at talking back so I agreed.

She was persistent in coming to my apartment and seeing the garments on me. I’m not one for showing off my body, not at all but she insisted on peeking at every item I tried on.

I had put on a little weight since Brett’s arrest. Now I was eating better and I looked healthier which was nice. But I still had scars from what he’d done to me, specifically the large one down the side of my left leg, which I managed to hide from Stella by leaning on the door frame.

The last item she had made me buy appealed to me the most. It was a soft pink babydoll with lace over the breasts. It was slightly see-through but not too much and had a matching set of lace panties.

When I showed Stella, her jaw practically hit the floor.

“Good god Kitten, if Spencer won’t fuck you rotten in this, I will.”

I blushed, shrinking in on myself knowing he would never actually see me in this.

Before I knew what was happening, Stella pulled her phone from her pocket.

“I have to get a picture of this.”

I didn’t have a chance to hide myself as she had already snapped a photo.

“Stella,” I whined a little. “Please, don’t show him that.”

“Don’t worry Kitten, I won’t ruin the surprise.” She winked at me. “I’ve gotta go ok? But I want to know all the details when you show him that.” and with a giggle she sauntered away, leaving me in my new lingerie I had brought for a man who was never going to look at me in that way.

///

I was climbing the walls a little if I’m being perfectly honest. It had been a few weeks since I’d ended my arrangement with Kylie and I’d since ended it with Nora too, she was much more understanding.

I hadn’t ended it with Stella, because with her it was about more sex, but even still we hadn’t played in a while.

Honestly, my mind was consumed by Dahlia. I wanted her so badly it was all I could think of most of the time. I wanted to make her feel good, I wanted to touch and kiss every inch of her body and make her come undone at the seams. I wanted to know how she would feel wrapped around me, how she sounded when she came.

I was a man possessed.

Stella was in the kitchen making us dinner when I picked up her phone off the coffee table.

I knew her passcode to her phone and I know she didn’t mind me going on it and I was hoping to find an email about some books she had ordered for me online. I’m not tech savvy, Stella does all my online ordering for me when I don’t have time to go shopping myself.

She had the latest iPhone and I had no idea how it worked, I was always getting lost on her phone. I somehow ended up in her photo application.

“Jeez I hate this thing.” I grumbled, about to take the device to Stella and ask her how I got into her emails when one of the thumbnails caught my eye.

Curiosity got the better of me and I tapped on it to enlarge it.

The way the baby pink complimented her skin tone was phenomenal and it was the most skin I’d seen of hers since that day at the BAU when she was being photographed.

Stella walked in from the kitchen and I noticed her smiling at me.

“Oh I know what you’re looking at.” she laughed. “I promised Kitten I wouldn’t let you see, she wanted it to be a surprise! Don’t tell her you saw it.”

I briefly looked up at her, her words had gone right over my head. All my blood had pumped to one very specific part of my body and I couldn’t focus on anything else.

“She...I…” I couldn’t form a sentence. I was utterly gobsmacked.

Stella laughed.

“Go do your thing Pony.” she nodded her head towards the bedroom. “Just don’t get come on my phone, please.” she turned and strutted back to the kitchen.

It took less than five seconds for me to turn and run to my room. I shut myself in the room and freed my erection from my pants with the urgency of a mad man.

I fell back to the bed, my eyes fixed on the photograph as I started stroking myself.

After a minute or so once I had committed that picture to memory, I dropped the phone and closed my eyes.

She was an angel, an absolute fucking angel and I did not deserve her in that ethereal lingerie.

As I pumped myself I imagined it was her small, delicate fingers working me, smiling at me as she did so. I imagined the feeling of her breasts beneath my hands, her nipples in my mouth.

I imagined her warm, wet core around my aching dick as she rode me.

I imagined her soft, sensual voice in my ear.

“Spencer? Spencer?”

“He’s in the bedroom.”

My eyes shot open as I realised I hadn’t been imagining her voice when I heard Stella’s.

“He’s masturbating over that photo of you from the other week.”

“Oh fuck,” I groaned, still pumping. “Shit.”

I came, spilling my load over my hand and pants.

Not wasting a second I jumped up, running out of the room to see Dahlia and Stella standing together, staring at me.

“Dahlia I-“

“I have to go!” She squealed before running as fast as she could from the apartment.

I turned to Stella who had erupted in laughter.

“Your dick is still hanging out Casanova.” She laughed. “Real smooth.”

I groaned loudly, tucking myself away.

“Fuck.” I mumbled, shaking my head.

“What’s the big deal? So you masturbated over her. Surely that’s flattering?”

I could feel the blush spreading up my neck and to my cheeks.

“We haven’t uhm…we haven’t slept together. We haven’t even kissed.”

That only caused Stella to laugh harder.

“Oh Pony,” she slapped my arm. “You’ve got it really bad if you’re spending this much time on someone you aren’t sleeping with.”

“I should go check on her.” I ignored Stella and followed in Y/N’s wake.

///

When the knock sounded at the door I knew it would be Spencer. I considered ignoring it because I was absolutely mortified but I knew he would’t let up.

I knew my face must have been bright red when I opened the door and he stepped inside my apartment.

“I really wish you hadn’t seen that photo. I am so embarrassed.” I hung my head.

I felt his strong hand under my chin and he guided my face up so our eyes could meet.

“Why are you embarrassed?” His voice was soft and calming like it always was with me.

“You weren’t supposed to know about the lingerie. I don’t even know why I brought it, it’s not like you would want to see me in it.” I chewed my lip sadly.

“Dahlia, you are aware that I was just touching myself over the thought of you in that goddamn underwear.” he laughed a little.

“I don’t understand why.” I felt tears pricking the backs of my eyes. There was no way he could possibly find me attractive. Not when he had Stella on tap.

“There’s a reason I call you pretty girl.” He gently took hold of my hand and guided it to his pants.

He placed my palm on the bulge in his slacks and I gasped feeling how hard he was.

“This is what you do to me Y/N. This is all for you.” he whispered in a low, sultry tone that made me instantly damp between my legs. “Honestly Y/N, I would love nothing more than my fantasies to become a reality. But I am not pressuring you into anything ok? If my fantasies are all I get then I’m fine with that. But just know that if you ever wanted me...you just need to say the word.”

He let go of me but I kept my hand on his arousal for a few more seconds.

A part of me wanted to just succumb to him then and there. I wanted him to rip my clothes off and do whatever he wanted to me.

But another part of me was terrified of that prospect.

It didn’t matter anyway as suddenly his phone was ringing. I leapt back from him, feeling guilty all of a sudden.

“It’s work.” he sighed as he saw the name on the display. “I’ll call you later, ok?” he placed a gentle kiss on my cheek before he was gone again, as though vanishing into thin air.

I by no means understood why I had that effect on Spencer but it felt marvellous knowing I did.

***

We didn’t talk about that incident again, I was glad because I was still embarrassed by it.

With the trial date getting closer and closer, I gravitated further to the edge with each passing day.

There were a couple of times I’d come close to relapsing only to manage to call Spencer just in time.

He would come over and hold me while I cried, telling me how proud he was of me for calling before I hurt myself.

He would tell me animal facts which always cheered me up. In fact I’d taken to jotting them down in my journal so I could always be reminded of them.

Did you know?

There is one species of jellyfish that is immortal. It can revert back to its child state after reaching sexual maturity and therefore never dies.

There are one million ants for every human on Earth.

A pig's orgasm lasts thirty minutes (oh boy).

Sharks kill fewer than ten people a year whereas humans kill around one million sharks a year (this one makes me a little sad).

A dog's sense of smell is around one hundred times stronger than a humans. However they only have one sixth our number of taste buds.

After that I found myself enthralled by the dog facts and always had him tell me more about them.

Because of their incredible sense of smell, they can smell feelings.

Studies have shown dogs genuinely get jealous when they see you display affection for another creature.

Petting a dog can actually be beneficial to your physical and mental health. Studies have shown petting a dog for fifteen minutes can lower blood pressure by ten percent and it can lower feelings of stress, depression and combat loneliness.

It became obvious, I needed a dog.

Spencer thought it was a great idea and he found a local place that trained puppies in giving emotional support, enabling them to sense human emotion even better than most dogs.

There were a lot of puppies but I fell head over heels for one in particular.

She was a seven month old white Akita. The lady that showed us around informed us that female Akitas were deeply loyal and friendly and also the breed was a popular guard dog.

The first time I held her in my arms she licked my face and buried her big, fluffy head into my neck.

“I love her.” I smiled at Spencer. “This is her. She’s the one.”

We took her back to my apartment which we’d already kitted out with new dog owner essentials.

We let her off the leash and she started exploring her new home with gusto.

“Do you know what you’re going to call her?” Spencer nudged me in the arm as we watched the pup get acquainted.

“Cara.” I smiled brightly. “From the Sword of Truth.”

“Ah.” Spencer smiled. “Because she’s protective of the seeker and the confessor.”

“Exactly.” I nodded. “Cara, how do you like your new home?”

She put her large paws on the side of the couch and looked at me as though asking permission.

I sat down on the couch and patted the cushion next to me. She replied by jumping up and resting her head in my lap.

Spencer sat on the other side of her and stroked her back.

“She seems to love you already.” He smiled. “My two pretty girls.”

I blushed, trying to hide my face from Spencer by focusing on scratching Cara behind her ears.

“I embarrassed you.”

“No.” My voice was high pitched. It made Spencer laugh.

“Come on Dahlia, I thought we passed this. You know I think you are an angel sent from heaven.”

“Stop it.” I shook my head.

“Never.” He laughed and shuffled closer, seemingly ignoring Cara.

He cupped my cheek in his hand and turned me to face him.

“Do you have any idea how hard it is for me, literally hard to keep my hands off of you.”

I felt my chest tighten and my panties practically flooded.

“Seeker,” I breathed, he was so close he must be able to feel my breath fanning across his face. I could feel his.

“You're like a drug Dahlia. I haven’t even had a taste of you and I’m addicted.” He edged even closer to me and I couldn’t stop him. Not that I wanted to.

Just as his lips were about to touch mine and relieve me of all the built up tension, Cara jumped up between us.

She growled at Spencer, baring her teeth as she did so.

Spencer shot backwards in shock.

“Whoa girl what’s the matter?” He sounded a little panicked.

“Guess she’s protecting me.” I shrugged.

Honestly it wasn’t for Cara I would have let him have me right here on the couch and I would have thanked him for the privilege.

Later that night I had my first in what would end up being a long line of sex dreams about my seeker.

It started as it had that evening, with us on the couch but Cara wasn’t with us.

“Do you have any idea how hard it is for me, literally hard to keep my hands off of you.”

“Then don’t. Put your hands anywhere you want, Seeker, please, I beg of you.”

He cupped my face with both hands and this time when he leaned in close there was no dog growling at him and his lips finally met mine.

He pulled me onto his lap and I straddled him, threading my fingers through his luscious curls. I could feel his erection pressing into me through his slacks.

“Dahlia,” he spoke into my lips. “My gosh Dahlia.”

He ran his tongue along my bottom lip and I parted my lips to allow him entry. His tongue explored me hungrily, like a man possessed, while his large hands roamed my back.

He found the hem of my dress and hooked his fingers beneath the fabric. I moaned into his lips, telling him it was ok.

I broke the kiss so he could pull it over my head.

Somehow, under the dress I was wearing the pink babydoll. My chest was bigger beneath the lace, I also noticed my hips were curvier too. My body more resembled Stella’s than my own, probably because that’s what Spencer finds attractive. Maybe if I looked like her this would be a reality and not just a dream.

His eyes blew out as he took me in, looking at me as though I was the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes on.

“You look glorious in pink, angel,” he whispered to me, stroking back my hair. “Is this all for me?”

“Yes Spencer. It’s all for you.”

“That’s my good, sweet girl.” he took hold of my wrists and placed them on his chest near the top button of his shirt. “Would you like to see me? All of me?”

“Please Spencer.” I begged, pathetically.

“Undress me Dahlia.” he instructed softly and I nodded eagerly.

I worked on the buttons of his shirt as his eyes kept tracing my figure, taking me all in. His hands groped at my breasts through the fabric of the babydoll and over my hips.

I reached the last button and he shrugged the shirt off his shoulders. I chewed my lip looking at this gorgeous man in front of me, counting all my lucky stars that he was here with me.

“Touch me Dahlia. Touch me wherever you see fit.”

I cautiously placed my hands on his chest. His skin was hot and soft and it made me moan. I wondered if he could feel how wet I was.

I allowed my hands to move lower, down his ribcage and onto his stomach. I looked up at him with questioning eyes, asking if I could go further.

He nodded with a smile.

“Dahlia, you don’t need to check with me. You can do anything you want me to. Anything.”

He pulled me in by my arm to kiss me again and it was even more heated than before. When I pulled back I was panting and when I looked down, his pants and underwear were gone.

“Oh my.” I gasped a little, taking in the sight of his hard member.

Spencer laughed, stroking back my hair.

“Do you want to touch me Dahlia? Or maybe even take me into that beautiful mouth of yours?” he ran his thumb along my bottom lip as he spoke.

Clearly he wanted me to take him in my mouth and I wouldn’t argue with that. I never argued, I did what was expected of me. Always.

The only difference was, I wanted to pleasure him with my mouth. I have never wanted to do that before. But with Spencer, I wanted to do everything.

I grazed my fingertips over his skin as I lowered myself off his lap and onto my knees in front of the couch. Spencer parted his legs and allowed me to kneel between his thighs.

“You look so good like this Dahlia.” he ran his fingers through my hair and then settled on gripping my roots. “Please sweet girl. Please wrap those sinful lips around my dick.”

How could anyone say no to that?

I licked my lips by way of lubricating them a little and bowed my head closer to him. I had a lot of practice at this over the years and I was sure I would have no problem pleasing him.

I blew a little air onto his head, making him moan and buck his hips a little. Then I wrapped my lips around him, swiping my tongue over his throbbing tip.

“Oh Dahlia,” he moaned, tugging on my hair. “Sweet, sweet Dahlia.”

He bucked his hips again so I started moving, not wanting to disappoint him. I took his whole length in my mouth until he smacked the back of my throat which made him groan loudly and my hair got another appreciative tug.

I balanced myself by placing my hands on his thighs while I started bobbing up and down on his length.

The noises he was making really spurred me on. He sounded like he was completely blissed out. As he neared his orgasm, his hold on my hair became looser. He was fidgeting beneath me, rocking his hips to meet my movements.

When he came, I swallowed every single drop of him, just like I was taught to. When I sat back I wiped the back of my hand over my mouth and looked at him to see how I did.

He pulled me back up into his lap and kissed me again. Brett never kissed me after I did that to him.

“Dahlia, you are amazing.” he spoke into my lips. “But I need more.”

He was hard again and my panties had vanished although the rest of my lingerie remained. He lifted my hips a little and rubbed his shaft through my folds, moaning as he did so.

“You’re so wet sweet girl,” he mumbled, lifting me again and lining himself up with my entrance. “I think you’re ready for me.”

“Yes Seeker, I’ve been ready for a long time.”

He smiled at me as he lowered me onto him.

He stretched me out, much larger than I had been used to but I would take anything from him. It took a little while for him to bury himself completely inside of me, but once he was in to the hilt he took hold of my face and kissed me again.

“Goddamn Dahlia,” he whispered. “Goddamn.”

I started moving, shifting my hips up and down around him. He joined me, moving his own hips to meet me, slamming into me in a way that was somehow both rough and loving at the same time.

He groped my breasts again, playing with them in his large hands while I rode him, using his shoulders for leverage.

My head became hazy, nothing had ever felt like this before in my whole life. He kept eye contact with me the whole time, whispering encouragement to me.

“Dahlia, I am going to come again, my love.” he moaned, panting as he spoke.

I nodded in acknowledgement, gripping his shoulders tightly as I continued my movements.

I felt a tightening in my chest and between my legs. I felt a heat spreading in my stomach as my legs began to shake. What was happening? What was this feeling?

But I never got to find out. Barking permeated my dream, forcing me awake in an instant. At first I was confused by the sound, momentarily forgetting I now had a dog.

I rubbed my eyes, groaning a little, feeling the wetness between my legs, clinging to my black shorts.

I forced myself out of bed and out into the living room to find Cara barking at the kitchen wall.

“What is it sweetheart?” I patted her head. She whimpered a little before running back to her bed.

I rubbed my eyes again. My whole body felt as though it were on fire. That dream had felt so real and I knew I wouldn’t be happy until I had Spencer.

The fact that I was still half asleep allowed me to not think through my actions before I fled my apartment and let myself into his.

I was going to make my move, I had to. I was desperate for him, like I’d been lost in the desert and he was my only source of hydration.

“Spencer?” I called out when I found the living room empty. “Spence?”

I found him in the bedroom, naked aside from a pair of boxers as he rubbed some kind of cream into Stella’s bare ass.

I blushed, turning away from them. I wondered what it was like to have Spencer’s large hands smack my ass like that.

Oh god, not now Y/N!

“Sorry Dahlia,” his voice was low. “Just taking care of Stell.”

“Hi Kitten.” she mumbled sleepily. “We’ll be right out.”

Of course. That must have been what Cara was barking at. Of course he’d been doing a scene with Stella while I was having the filthiest dream of my life.

///

Y/N had looked flushed when she’d walked in my room but I wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t until Stella and I dressed and joined her in the living room that I realised exactly why.

It wasn’t incredibly noticeable but it was obvious enough that she was wet between her legs, soaking actually. There was a clear enough stain on her shorts that could only be from one thing.

And that begged the question, why had she come here when she was aroused? Had she been hoping for me?

Fuck. Had I just blown my shot?

I got hard again instantly, how could I not? Her arousal was seeping through her shorts and I could only dream it was for me.

“I uh…I gotta shower. I’m…sweaty you know?” I hurried away from the two women, one I’d just had sex with and one I wished I’d just had sex with.

I heard Stella giggling as rushed away.

///

“You know what he’s doing don’t you?” Stella grinned at me after Spencer left the room.

“Uh…showering?” Wasn’t that the logical answer? Didn’t he just say that’s what he was doing?

Stella laughed, patting me on my shoulder.

“Oh dear, sweet innocent Kitten.” She moved her hand from my shoulder to my cheek and she pinched me lightly. “He’s jerking off sweetheart. No idea how, after what we just did, but that’s what he’s doing.”

“Oh.” I tried to hide my disappointment but I couldn’t.

“Oh Kitten, not over me! He is tugging away at Spencer Jnr because you walked in, in all your loveliness and that delicious wet patch between your legs.”

I paled instantly, squeezing my thighs together and grabbing the closest thing I could find to over myself.

I was smacked in the face by the scent of Spencer’s cologne and I realised it was because the thing I had grabbed was one of his shirts.

I squealed, tossing it away like it was on fire, grabbing a pillow instead and covering my lap with it.

Stella laughed at my discomfort.

“It’s ok Kitten, it happens to all of us.”

“Not me, it doesn’t.” I blushed, squeezing my thighs closer together. “I’ve n-never...felt this way.” I whispered, partially hoping she wouldn’t hear me.

“What do you mean, love?” Stella softened, trying to catch my gaze.

“I have been with Brett since I was seventeen. I’ve never...fantasized about anyone the way I do with Spencer.” I couldn’t believe I was saying this to her. “I don’t understand Stella. None of this makes any sense to me.”

Stella shuffled closer to me and placed her hand on my knee.

“Y/N,” she smiled at me and I think it might be the first time she’s ever called me by name. “Have you heard of the term, demisexual?”

“N-no?” I frowned.

“It basically defines people who only feel sexual attraction to people they have an emotional bond with. And I would say you and Spencer have a very close emotional bond. So it would make sense.”

I chewed my lip, mulling her words. For the first time since I’d met Spencer the fog surrounding my brain cleared a little. Hearing that there was a word to describe how I was feeling made it clearer to me.

“Wow,” I croaked. “So other people feel this way?”

“Yes sweetie, other people that way.” she smiled sweetly at me.

“Thank you Stella.” I smiled, sniffing back my tears. “I should get back to Cara.”

“Are you sure? I’m sure Pony will be right out.”

“It’s ok, I don’t think I trust myself around him right now.” I laughed a little.

“He’s crazy about you Y/N. He has a hard time where feelings are involved but you mean the world to him. And of course, if you do decide to sleep with him...you won’t be disappointed.” she winked at me.

“Thanks. I think.” I giggled as I made my way to the door.

Little did I know, Spencer had been listening to every word.

///

I’m really not sure how I even managed to get hard again, let alone come anymore after the night I’d had but Y/N has that effect on me.

It’s more than just wanting to get into her pants, it was a feeling I hadn’t felt in a really long time.

Not since Maeve.

And it scared the absolute shit out of me.

But when I’d gotten out of the shower and heard her and Stella talking I couldn’t stop myself from eavesdropping even though I knew it was an invasion of privacy.

But after I heard it, I knew what needed to be done.

I threw on some pajama pants and a t-shirt before I joined Stella in the living room.

She looked up at me from the couch and we shared a look, one where we both knew exactly what the other was thinking.

“Before you speak,” she patted the couch cushion next to her and I came and sat down. “I know what you’re going to say. We had a good run, Pony.”

I swallowed, feeling tears in my eyes.

“I’m sorry Stell,” I sniffed.

“You’re falling for her.” she took hold of my hand.

I laughed a little nervously.

“I don’t think that’s what-”

“Shush.” she squeezed my hand. “We don’t have to discuss that now. But regardless of that, tonight was our last scene.”

I chewed my lip, nodding sadly.

“I really am sorry. I want to give her my full attention. I don’t want another repeat of tonight. Whatever it is I’m feeling, it’s consuming me. And this isn’t fair on either of you.”

“I know Spence, I know.” she whispered.

“Maybe it’s time you know? We’ve had our fun. Maybe you can find someone who makes you feel the way...he did.”

Stella shook her head, averting her gaze. She didn’t like talking about her college sweetheart, the only man she’d ever loved. The only man she’d ever been with besides me. I think it was because of him she always gravitates more towards women.

“Hmm, doubtful.” she shrugged. “But I’ll be fine. Best friends first, always.”

“Always.” I agreed. “Fuck why does this feel like the end of an era?” I laughed but my tears had started to fall.

“Oh Pony, don’t cry!” she grabbed my face and wiped at my tears with her thumbs. “Sometimes things have to end to make way for other things to begin.”

“When did you start working for Hallmark?”

“Funny Pony.” she pinched my cheek.

“I love you Stella, you know that don’t you?”

“And I love you Spencer Reid.” she leaned in close to me, letting go of my face and pressing her lips to mine in a brief kiss, breaking our first rule.

But it was ok, our rules no longer mattered.

I placed another kiss on her forehead.

“Ok, I’m not dying.” she laughed, shoving me in the arm.

“I know, but you know how I feel about change.”

“It’s a good change.” She smiled at me. “Now go get her tiger.”

“Not yet.” I shook my head.

“Well make sure you don’t wait too long.”

“I know.” I ran my hands over my face. “But right now, I just want to watch a movie with my best friend.”

Stella grinned and wrapped her arm around my shoulders.

“That, Pony, sounds perfect.”

—————————————————————

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#currently still reading at 4am lol #how did you manage to make each chaoter so addictive

[a-mended-pact]

Sticks and Stones - Chapter 8 [Spencer Reid x fem! Reader]

Taglist is open, and now has an option to be tagged in this series - you can find the form here.

A/N - here is chapter 8! Lyrics are from Issues by Julia Michaels, which you can listen to here.

/// indicates change of perspective. Starts in Spencer's POV.

This fic is a slow burn. Strangers to friends to very eventual lovers. Smut to come in later chapters but you will have to bear with it!

CW: talks of BDSM, doms & subs, mention of nightmares, mentions of penetrative sex, fake boobs, bitchy Kylie, swears, mentions of blood & self harm (no graphic depictions) mentions of assault and abuse, more flirty Stella.

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WC: 4.2K

—————————————————————

Chapter 8 - Issues

‘Cause I got issues, but you got 'em too,

So give 'em all to me and I'll give mine to you.

Bask in the glory, of all our problems,

'Cause we got the kind of love it takes to solve 'em.

Yeah, I got issues,

And one of them is how bad I need you.

I found the journal outside my door when I left for work the following morning. With a smile, I put it in my satchel for later.

We had a case that was taking us to LA. I sent Y/N a text to let her know I would be away for a few days but to call me if she needed anything.

Once we discussed the case I hauled myself up at the back of the jet alone so I could read over her questions in the journal and reply to them.

Why did you want to be a dominant?

First of all, it is important for you to know it is a myth that our BDSM personas reflect our real life ones. In fact the main reason I was drawn to be a dominant is that in my real life, I am extremely submissive.

Something happened to me a long time ago, something completely out of my control. I think that is what made me crave a way in which I could return some kind of control to my life.

But being dominant isn’t all aggression and control. I always take care of my sub, I always check in and make sure she is ok. I always look after her afterwards. Aftercare is as big a factor in BDSM as the act itself.

What kind of things turn you on?

That is a tough one for me to answer to be perfectly honest with you. I don’t have specific things that turn me on like most people might. I find submission sexy, it drives me wild when a person can trust me enough to give themselves over to me completely and know that I won’t take advantage of that trust.

I suppose it's probably safe to say that I have something of an innocence fetish. Maybe that’s what I find so alluring about you, Dahlia? Maybe I shouldn't be telling you that, but I am all about honesty, as you know.

What made you decide to try it?

I had felt something missing from my life for a while and I wasn’t sure what it was until my team and I worked on a case involving the BDSM world. It fascinated me right from the start and I knew I wasn’t going to stop thinking about it until I tried it. And once I did, I loved it. And I guess as they say, the rest is history.

What characteristics do you find most attractive in someone?

Again this is difficult for me to specify because I don’t have a set of specific things I find attractive in a person.

Someone intelligent that I can hold a conversation with is probably the most attractive quality to me. It’s all well and good to be attracted to someone physically, but at the end of the day, life isn’t all about jumping someone's bones.

I’m a man of fairly simple pleasures. Honesty, loyalty and good conversation are the things that attract me the most and will keep me coming back to someone.

I hope this has answered your questions pretty girl. If you have any more please feel free to reply.

I looked forward to returning the journal to her, and hoped it shed some kind of light on her curiosities. But for now, I had a case to focus on.

***

A few weeks passed and Y/N and I traded questions and answers back and forth in the journal. We spent time together watching movies and going on walks, perusing shelves in bookstores. She was working on the second book in the Sword of Truth series now and seemed to be really enjoying it.

She called me sometimes in the middle of the night when she had nightmares about Brett. I would rush over no matter the late hour and hold her while she cried and screamed.

I found animal facts calmed her down. She loved to listen to me rant about animals and inform her of all the strangest things I could bring to mind.

Once I told her penguins didn’t mate for life and that only made her cry harder and she started muttering “oh my gosh, why would you say that? That’s so sad!” And I had to calm her down all over again.

One night I found time to see Kylie, mostly to shut her up because she hadn’t stopped hassling me lately. I figured I could spend an hour, we’d have sex and then I could leave and go and see Dahlia.

She was on top of me, riding me and I watched her fake breasts that barely moved as the rest of her did. She clawed at my chest as she bounced up and down on me but admittedly my head was elsewhere.

I don’t think she noticed my distraction, she was far too busy trying to bring herself to orgasm around my dick.

I’d come eventually, the sex was good but she wasn’t the woman on my mind right now.

And as if it were some kind of sign, my phone started to ring.

My phone only made a sound when three people called: the BAU, my mom or Dahlia.

“Sorry.” I practically pushed Kylie off of me. “I need to take this.”

Kylie grunted at me, annoyed I had completely discarded her this way. I didn’t really care.

I saw her name in the display and put the device to my ear.

“Dahlia,” I answered. “Is everything ok?”

What met my ears could only be described as frantic. Crying, screaming, heavy breathing. She tried to speak but I couldn’t make out what she was saying.

“Dahlia, it’s ok, I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I assured her as best I could.

I hated having to end the call but I was only a few miles away, I’d be with her as soon as I could.

I started hurriedly throwing my clothes back on while Kylie glared at me.

“You are so not leaving me for that needy ho! I didn’t finish!”

“What did you just call her?” I turned to her part way through doing up my shirt. My blood was boiling already.

“You heard me! You waste so much time with a woman you aren’t even banging Spencer!” She came closer to me and pressed her naked body against mine. “She’ll be fine. She’s just attention seeking.”

“Don’t fucking talk about her like that.” I forcibly removed herself from me. “We have rules Kylie. And one of those rules is you do not, under any circumstances, talk badly about the other women in my life.”

“Oh come on Spencer, lighten up. Let’s just finish what we started here.” She advanced on me again but I blocked her.

“No. This is over Kylie. I don’t want to see you again.”

“You can’t be serious.” She scoffed.

“I am very serious. I won’t stand for you talking about her like that.” I scooped up the rest of my clothes, I couldn’t bear to be around her a second longer.

“So you’re leaving?” She followed me as I headed to the door.

“Yep.” I threw the door open, not much caring Kylie was standing there naked. I was sure half of DC had seen it anyway.

“You’re an asshole Spencer Reid!”

“And you my dear, are a bitch.” And with that I stormed off.

///

I told Spencer the door would be unlocked for him as I was not in any state to move from the comfort of my bed.

I leant back against the pillows, pulling my knees to my chest and letting the remainder of my tears seep into the fabric of my jeans.

I should have cleaned up the blood. I didn’t want him knowing what I’d done. But I was just so tired. Honestly the thought didn’t even occur to me until I heard the front door open anyway, and by then it was too late.

Spencer practically flew into my room. I looked up at him, through what I was sure were bloodshot eyes.

“I’m sorry for ruining your night.” I sniffed. “I got a call about being a w-witness at his trial and I-I...panicked.”

He rushed over to me, his hands clutching my wrist.

“Sweet girl,” he whispered, looking down at the cuts. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

He helped me off the bed and through to the bathroom where he sat me on the side of the tub. He got a cloth and ran it under the faucet to dampen it before sitting next to me.

“Are you mad at me?” my lip quivered as he started wiping the blood from my fresh wounds.

“Why would I be mad at you?” he asked me softly.

He was so gentle with me, making sure he got rid of all the blood before drying my wrist.

“B-because he always got mad at me if I did t-this.”

“Dahlia,” he cupped my face, looking me right in the eyes. “I could never be mad at you. I’m not him, remember?”

I chewed my lip, trying to hold back any more tears.

Spencer found a bandage and worked on wrapping my arm.

“You were a victim Y/N. His father is trying to throw money at this to make it go away. Without your testimony, it may work.”

He was so gentle with me, non judgemental and caring. It made me feel safe. But not safe enough.

“I can’t do it Spencer, I can’t see him again.”

“Yes you can, Dahlia.” He lowered himself to the floor on his knees and positioned his body between my legs. He reached up and cupped my face again.

“You don’t understand!” I was crying again all of sudden. I didn’t think I had any tears left in me. “I’ve spent weeks trying to get over everything he put me through! I can’t face him again! I swear I can still feel him on my skin.”

He kept a hold of my face even though I was starting to wriggle free of his hold.

Something changed on his face then but I couldn’t work out what it was.

“Y/N, did he...did he pressure you into sex?” he frowned a little and his words made me audibly wince.

“No...No....it wasn’t like...I didn’t mind you know? It just wasn’t...I don’t know.”

“If you didn’t want it, angel, that’s assault.” His facial expression was extremely serious.

Hearing him say that made my skin crawl.

“No...no. It wasn’t like that.”

“Did you want to sleep with him Y/N?”

I swallowed, feeling bile rise in my throat.

“No.”

“Then that’s assault darling.” he had tears swimming in his eyes as he spoke. “Even more reason you have to make sure he gets put away. Dahlia,” he spoke softly, his fingers caressing my skin. “You are the strongest and bravest woman I have ever had the privilege of meeting. If you can survive everything you’ve been through, you can survive seeing him one last time. And just know I will be with you every step of the way. Including being at the trial.”

“You…you don’t have to do that.” I sniffed, letting the tears silently roll down my cheeks.

“I know I don’t.” He smiled. “I want to. I’m here for you Y/N, through everything. You aren’t going to get rid of me that easily.”

I didn’t want to get rid of him. I never wanted to get rid of him. I wanted Spencer to be a permanent fixture in my life.

The truth was, I felt safe with him, and I don’t remember the last time I felt safe. When I was looking into his eyes I felt as though anything was possible.

Why would I ever want to get rid of that feeling?

“You have to promise me though angel, the next time you want to hurt yourself…you have to call me. Please. It breaks my heart to know you did this to yourself again.”

“I promise.” I nodded although I wasn’t sure it was a promise I could keep.

He leant in close and placed a kiss on my forehead before standing up and helping me up too.

“Let’s go lay down shall we?”

///

I led her to her bedroom and laid her down on the mattress, laying down next to her. I pulled her into my arms and held her securely.

She was still whimpering as her tears fell, leaving a damp patch on my shirt but I didn’t care. Not even a little bit.

She was silent for a while and I let her just catch her breath after the horrible night she’d had.

After some time passed she looked up at me, her tears had finally dried but she still looked so forlorn.

“Brett said he loved me. He’d said he’d protect me and look at what he did.”

I stroked her hair back from her face.

“Mind what people do, not only what they say, for deeds will betray a lie.”

She frowned a little, trying to work out what I was quoting.

“What is that?” she whispered curiously.

“The Wizard's Fifth Rule.”

It made me think of Alex and the way she’d quoted a later book in her post-it note before she’d left. It was only now I was realising how long it had been since I’d seen her.

Dahlia eventually fell asleep curled into my side, I didn’t know if it would be a peaceful night's sleep or not.

Once she was out I reached for my phone trying not to disturb her. I dialled a familiar number, but one I hadn’t used in a long while.

When she answered, I felt a relief in my chest at the sound of her voice.

“Hi Alex, I was just thinking about you.”

***

Through some stroke of luck I wasn’t pulled in on a case the next day and Alex had an hour free between classes so I eagerly took Y/N to meet my former BAU mother.

She was nervous as I’d gone into great detail about the wonderful woman that is Alex Blake but I assured her the two of them would get on like a house on fire.

“She’s going to love you Dahlia,” I gave her hand a gentle squeeze as we reached the coffee house.

“I hope so. She clearly means so much to you and I just want her to like me.” She smoothed down the front of her dress, a beautiful periwinkle colour of her own design.

“She will, I know she will.” I gave her hand another squeeze before bringing it to my lips and kissing the back of it. “She helped me through the worst time in my life and I thought she could help you through yours.”

She nodded a little, taking a couple of breaths.

I hated that she was this nervous. Hawthorne had instilled in her that no matter what she did she was never good enough. She’d been kept locked away because he didn’t deem her worthy of meeting his friends and being a part of his life outside of the walls of their home.

She was getting there, slowly. She’d gone back to work a few days a week at the shop that sold her designs and she always seemed so happy when she came home, it warmed my heart.

She still had a long way to go though, but I knew she’d get there. And I would always be there to aid her.

I led her inside the coffee shop and she clung to me like her life depended on it.

I spotted Alex in a corner booth and she smiled brightly at me.

“Alex!” I grinned, briefly letting go of Y/N so I could embrace the older woman. “It’s so good to see you.”

“Spencer,” she held me tightly, speaking into my neck. “It’s been too long.”

When I stepped out of the embrace Y/N was fiddling with the hem of her dress awkwardly. I took her hand and led her forward.

“Alex Blake I would like you to meet Y/N Y/L/N.”

“It’s so lovely to meet you, Doctor Blake. Spencer has told me so much about you.”

Alex smiled at her in that motherly way she always did with me.

“Please call me Alex. And it’s a pleasure to meet you too.”

We took a seat at the table, Y/N scooted close to me, so close our thighs rubbed together but I didn’t mind. The more time went on the more I craved her being this close to me.

***

It didn’t take too long for Y/N to get comfortable and soon she and Alex were chatting away like old friends.

I saw a weight lift in her, I saw her relax and it was such a wonderful sight.

“You were shot in the neck?” She looked at me with wide eyes. “Saving Alex.”

“Yes, it wasn’t one of my best days. But I wouldn’t do anything differently.” I laughed a little, subconsciously touching the scar on my neck.

“He is one of life’s good guys.” Alex told her, making me roll my eyes at the compliment.

“I know.” Y/N smiled, looking up at me dreamily. God she was so beautiful. “Excuse me a moment, I need to use the restroom.”

Y/N excused herself from the table and I watched her make her way to the bathroom. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her and I knew I had a soppy smile on my lips as I watched her.

“Just a friend huh?” Alex’s amused voice snapped back around.

“Yes Alex, she’s just a friend.” I chuckled.

“Spencer, you don’t even believe that, how do you expect me too?” She had a glint in her eye, that look she got when she knew something you didn’t.

“She’s special. There is definitely something different about her.” I chewed my lip. “But…I don’t feel things like that Alex you know that.”

She slid her hand over the table and placed it on top of mine.

“It’s been six years Spencer.” Alex spoke softly.

“Five years, nine months, eleven days.” I corrected her.

“It’s been six years.” She repeated. “And Y/N is wonderful. She’s perfect for you.”

“Stop, please?” I begged a little. “I can’t lie to you Alex because I know you’ll see right through me. There is something about her that makes me feel…I guess alive again? I don’t know what it is. It’s confusing and I’m just trying not to spend all my time thinking about it.” I laughed, running my fingers through my hair. “But what I am sure of is that I can’t give myself to her the way she deserves. I just can’t. So yeah, we’re just friends.”

Alex gave me a sad smile just as I noticed Y/N in my peripheral vision heading our way.

I slid my hand out from under Alex’s and turned my attention to her with a smile.

“Hey you, are you ready to go?” I asked her as she rejoined us.

“Ok.” She replied with a nod. “It’s been so wonderful to meet you Alex.” she smiled at Blake.

Alex stood from the table and gently grasped Y/N’s bicep.

“It’s been wonderful meeting you too Y/N, really.”

We said our goodbyes and went our separate ways, with me promising to call Alex soon.

Y/N seemed happy and it made me happy by proxy. I only ever wanted her to be happy.

///

“I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick. I kissed a girl just to try it, hope my boyfriend don’t mind it.”

Spencer and I shared a look outside his apartment as the music blared through the door accompanied by what I could only assume was Stella singing.

“I swear to god.” Spencer sighed, opening the door.

Stella was clad only in hot pink lingerie, her incredible body on display for the both of us to see. She danced around Spencer’s living room like she didn’t have a care in the world. I wondered what that was like.

“Stella!” Spencer yelled to be heard over the music.

As soon as she noticed him, she put her hands on her hips and smirked at him.

“Pony, finally! I’ve been waiting for you.”

I was currently obscured by Spencer so she hadn’t noticed he wasn’t alone.

“I wore the pink because I know you love pink. Wanna make me see stars Doc?”

“Stella,” he groaned, stepping aside so she could see me. I gave her an embarrassed wave.

“Oh hi Kitten!” she grinned at me, not self-conscious in the slightest. She stopped the music and I could finally hear myself think.

“Uhm...I’ll leave you guys alone.” I turned to leave but Spencer’s hand on my wrist stopped me.

“No you won’t.” Spencer told me softly. “Stella is going to put some clothes on and you’re going to come in.”

“Boring.” Stella rolled her eyes, grabbing an oversized t-shirt off the back of the couch and pulling it over her head.

“You really are a freeloader, you know that?” Spencer sighed as he closed the door behind us.

“Hey now, how do I freeload when the tenant gets to load me up for free?” she winked at him and I saw Spencer’s jaw clench and his eyes darken.

“Really Stell?” he practically growled. “You wanna test that mouth of yours?”

As if something switched inside of him, he straightened, shaking his head.

“Uh...I mean...just be quiet ok?”

Stella laughed and flopped back onto the couch.

“What’s for dinner, Pony?”

***

We spent the evening eating while I listened to Stella and Spencer’s flirtatious banter. It wasn’t as though I was jealous, at least that’s what I kept telling myself anyway. In reality I probably was jealous.

Stella has this confident, sexy air about her and it didn’t surprise me in the slightest that Spencer found that alluring. She was everything I wasn’t. She was her true, authentic self, she didn’t care what people thought of her. I wished I had even an ounce of her confidence.

I was sitting in Spencer’s large leather armchair, lost in the newest Sword of Truth saga when I heard Spencer sigh.

“Stella, stop staring at her like she’s your prey.”

“But I just want to spend time with her! And she’s ignoring us for books! She’s sitting there, looking like a whole snack and you expect my fat ass not to want to play with my food?”

I looked up shyly from my book.

“Stella!” Spencer scalded her.

“I can’t help it.” Stella grumbled. “She’s such a pretty Kitten.”

“W-why uh...why do you always call me Kitten, Stella?” I dared to ask, placing my book in my lap.

“Oh baby,” she smirked. “It’s because I just love pus-”

“Stella!” Spencer cut her off, hitting her in the arm lightly. “Stop making Dahlia uncomfortable.”

“Boo.” Stella rolled her eyes.

Spencer pushed himself up from the couch.

“Can I trust you for two minutes while I use the bathroom?” He asked Stella sternly.

“Oh honey, it takes more than two minutes to masturbate.”

I chewed my lip. I sometimes felt like I really shouldn’t be privy to these conversations.

“Stella, behave. Please.”

“Fine, fine.” She rolled her eyes.

Spencer looked reluctant to leave me but I gave him a nod to tell him I was fine.

I had one thing on my mind all evening, boring into my mind and I knew I couldn’t let it go until I’d asked.

“Uh Stella?” I croaked once Spencer left the room, my mouth suddenly dry.

“Yes Kitten?”

“Does Spencer really l-like uh…pink u-underwear?” I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment. I couldn’t believe I had just said that out loud. Had I crossed a line? I must have crossed a line.

But Stella just giggled.

“He does indeed little Kitty.” She smirked. “Why do you want to buy something for the good Doctor?”

My stomach tightened at the thought. I was no stranger to fancy lingerie, Brett always used to make me wear it for him.

But I’d never chosen something myself.

Was it completely dumb? I wasn’t being intimate with Spencer, we were just friends right?

But why did I have a desperate need to have him look at me the way he’d looked at Stella tonight?

“No, that’s weird. It’s weird r-right?”

“Darling, it is not weird at all. I could give some pointers. I know just what Pony likes.”

“I uh…you know just f-forget I said anything.” I shook my head in embarrassment as Spencer reentered the room.

“What were you two talking about?” He looked between us slightly suspiciously.

“Oh nothing much. I’m taking Kitten on a little shopping trip tomorrow.”

—————————————————————

Images for Chapter

Taglist -

SAS -

@lilmrspayne96 @radtwinkie @scarletstarrs @tvandfanfic @flipperpenguins @jswessie187 @drayshadow @shemarmooresfedora @lytrc @nani-2305 @rainsong01 @sassymoon @thatsonezesty13 @malboroniightz @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @bentleywolf29 @ottersaremyfavouriteanimal

All ships & genres -

@muffin-cup @andiebeaword @mggsprettygirl @measure-in-pain @ptrs-prkrs @sexy-dumpster-fire @takeyourleap-of-faith @insomniacdyke @a-mended-pact @spencers-dria

SR x reader -

@boxofsparklingmuses @frickin-bats @ukai-hoe @dreatine @adoringanakin @amesandpineapples @goldeng1rl8 @dr-spencerr-reidd @90spumkin @battinson @sleepretreat @dr-spence-reid @spenxerslut @wheelsupscenehater @sunkissglow @sweetandsunny @spencereidsupremacy @bellaswanismysoulmate @manuosorioh @mcumorningstar @iamwarrenspeace @reichelhache @dontcallmekittens @scroopditty @kuolonsyoja @ilovespencerreidmarryme

#another favorite chapter #i love stella so much lol

[a-mended-pact]

Sticks and Stones - Chapter 6 [Spencer Reid x fem! Reader]

Taglist is open, and now has an option to be tagged in this series - you can find the form here.

A/N - here is chapter 6! Lyrics are from Carefully by Demi Lovato, which you can listen to here.

/// indicates change of perspective. Starts in Spencer's POV.

This fic is a slow burn. Strangers to friends to very eventual lovers. Smut to come in later chapters but you will have to bear with it!

CW: mentions of dom drop and brief mentions of BDSM world, angst, angry Spencer, a few swears.

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

WC: 3K

—————————————————————

Chapter 6 - Carefully

Intoxicating,

My insecurities don’t take vacations.

So, babe, if you think you can handle me,

Please handle me carefully.

I found Dahlia in the round table room with Penelope, Tara and Rossi. She wasn’t crying anymore, she was staring numbly at the wall.

“She hasn’t said anything, just keeps staring at the wall.” Rossi whispered to me as I arrived with Stella in tow.

“What the fuck did JJ say to her?” I hissed at Emily.

“I don’t really know.” Emily shrugged. “I’ve sent her home to cool off.”

I sighed loudly, still clenching my jaw to the point it was aching.

I stepped into the room and was awash with emotions but none of them were good.

My body flooded with anger, at whom I wasn’t sure. But I knew it was going to find its way out as soon as I opened my mouth.

“Can you not keep it together for an hour while I go home and change?”

My words made her snap her gaze away from the wall and her eyes landed on me.

“W-what?” her lip quivered.

“Do I seriously have to babysit you every second of the day?”

“Reid!” Garcia scalded me but I ignored her.

“Seriously, I haven’t had a minute's peace since she arrived here. Your asshole boyfriend isn’t worth crying over sweetheart.”

“Spencer!” Stella grabbed me by my shoulder a little roughly. “Stop it!”

“I-I don’t understand.” Y/N started crying and Garcia put her arm around the fragile woman.

“Understand this, you are a pain in-“

“Spencer!” Stella cut me off. “With me, now.” She grabbed my arm and tugged me with her while the others watched in confusion as she dragged me out of the room.

“Spencer, you know what this is right?” She spoke once we were out of earshot of everyone.

“This is work Stella, that’s what it is.” I folded my arms.

“No Spencer, this is a Dom drop. Do you remember when we first started this? You explained it to me. The signs, what to look out for.”

“So there’s also a thing called Dom drop that you should be aware of.”

“There’s a lot to this.” Stella laughed a little. “Ok shoot Doc.”

“It’s a sensation of restlessness, depression, guilt and anger and can last a few hours after a scene. I might become despondent and try to push you away. I might even become hyper aggressive. I need you to know in case that ever happens.” I explained to her.

“Ok.” She nodded. “So what do I need to do if you experience this?”

“Well there are a few things…”

“This isn’t that. I’m just pissed off.” I shook my head in denial.

“Spencer Reid,” she put her hands on my shoulders. “You are experiencing Dom drop and I am here for you. If you need to talk or anything I am here.”

She moved behind me, her hands still on my shoulders and she started massaging them.

“It’s ok Spence, play is over. You can let go. You can relax.”

“Can I?” I grumbled, closing my eyes and trying to focus on the feel of her hands on my shoulders.

“Yes, you can. You did nothing wrong. It was just a scene, you are nothing like him.”

I always thought Stella had the ability to read my mind. This felt like proof.

“You need to come down, Pony. Come back to reality. Come back to me.”

What had I done? How could I yell at Y/N like that? She was already terrified and I’d just made everything ten times worse.

“What was that?”

When I opened my eyes Tara was in front of me, eyebrows raised.

“What was that?” she repeated as Stella let go of my shoulders, but stayed close.

“I don’t know.” I admitted. “I don’t know. God, I need to apologize to her.” I rushed away from the two women and back towards the round table room.

Rossi was crouched beside her, trying to calm her while Garcia had her arm around her.

“Dahlia,” I approached with caution. But the damage was done.

She whimpered, shuffling behind Garcia to shield me from her.

“Dahlia, I am so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

“I’m going to talk for her.” Garcia growled at me. She had never spoken to me like that before. “You crossed a line, Reid, a huge line. She trusted you to take care of her and you ruined that. She doesn’t want to talk to you. She doesn’t want to see you.”

I looked at Y/N over Garcia’s shoulder but she wouldn’t make eye contact with me. I didn’t blame her.

“We found Hawthorne.” Rossi spoke up now.

“What?” I gasped a little.

“He’s in custody. We found him while you were...doing whatever it is that you were doing at home.” Rossi looked disappointed in me.

“I was showering and grabbing a change of clothes.” my words didn’t sound convincing.

“Funny seeing as you were wearing that when you left.” Garcia scoffed. “And you smell worse than you did a few hours ago.”

“Y/N is going home.” Rossi spoke again before I had a chance to defend myself. “I suggest you do the same too, kid. Sleep off whatever this is.”

“Y/N, please,” I ignored him. “Please let me explain.”

She whimpered again. She was afraid of me. She was afraid of me the same way she was afraid of Brett. It tore apart my chest. The way she was cowering away from me was like a knife cutting me open, exposing my insides to the world. But I had no one to blame but myself.

I knew if I tried to force my apology on her I would only make her more frightened so I retreated, knowing in the long run it was for the best.

I stepped aside, clearing a space for Rossi and Garcia to lead her from the room, like two mismatched bodyguards.

As she passed she made the briefest of eye contact with me, long enough so I could see what my words had done to her. She didn’t trust easily, that much was evident. But she’d trusted me, and I’d thrown it back in her face.

I’d only ever wanted to make her smile. But somehow I had done the complete opposite. And I wondered if that would ever stop hurting.

///

It went to show how little I had really gotten to know Doctor Reid when he spoke to me like that. I shouldn’t have been surprised. I certainly shouldn’t have been as upset as I was about it.

I’d spent less than a week with him and somehow managed to fool myself that I knew him.

I would wonder how someone could hide the real version of themselves so well if I hadn’t just found out I’d spent eleven years of my life with a serial killer.

Nothing surprised me now. So I wasn’t shocked by Doctor Reid’s outburst. I was upset, I scared, I was confused; but not surprised.

Maybe this was just the way things were going to be now, people were going to constantly let me down.

That’s just great. That’s just what I need.

It felt like I’d been away from my house for years. Nothing had changed, it was all as I’d left it. But everything was different.

I feel like a stranger in these walls. It was as though I’d never stepped foot in this house in my life until this second.

Nothing was different than it had been a few days ago, only everything was different. And it would never be the same again.

I didn’t even turn on the lights, didn’t make it past the living room.

The events of the last few days came crumbling down on me. My fiancé was a serial killer. My fiancé had been killing women for five years and I’d been none the wiser.

How? How could that be possible? Had I really buried my head so far in the sand I hadn’t seen the signs?

My legs gave out under the weight of it all and I collapsed on the floor, tears streaming down my face.

And I started to scream. There was so much pent up inside of me and it seemed the only way to let it out.

So I screamed and I cried. Then I cried and I screamed. And even when my tear ducts felt dry and my throat was raw I cried and I screamed some more.

///

“We need to talk about what happened.” I was halfway to my bedroom when Stella stopped me with her words.

I sighed loudly.

“Not now Stella. I need to sleep off this god awful day. I don’t have any talk in me.”

“Fine,” she huffed. “You don’t want to talk fine. But you are damn sure going to listen.”

She took hold of me by my wrist and pulled me to the couch which didn’t take a lot of effort on her part because I was too exhausted to fight.

“You are a good person Spencer Reid, one of the best in fact.” She took hold of my hands. “You are nothing like that man, nothing do you hear me? You are kind and you are sweet. You always take care of me, a cruel man wouldn’t do that. You always make sure I’m ok above all else. I know this is scary for you because you’ve never experienced a drop before but we both knew it was always a possibility. It was a momentary state Spencer, it does not define you as a person.”

“She trusted me,” I snatched my hands out of hers. “She trusted me, she opened up to me and I completely fucking shattered that in the space of five minutes.”

Stella squeezed my knee, giving me a sympathetic smile.

“It was out of your control, Spence.”

“That’s the worst part.” I shook my head sadly.

Just then my phone started to ring and I considered just ignoring it because I was exhausted. But I knew I couldn’t.

With a large sigh I put the device to my ear.

“Reid.” I held my breath. There couldn’t be another case already, surely? “What? No, I’m glad you called. I’ll head right over.”

I was already up and heading to the door before I hung up the phone.

“What’s going on?” Stella was frowning at me. “You don’t have to go back to Quantico do you?”

“No, not Quantico.” I grabbed my bag. “I’ll explain later, ok?”

She gave me a look as though she was going to press it but she didn’t.

“Just be careful, yeah?”

I smiled softly at her and nodded.

“I always am.”

***

The house seemed quiet by the time I arrived and all the lights were off.

I know she wouldn’t want to see me, I was the last person she would want to see, but I had to make sure she was ok.

I knocked quietly on the door hoping not to startle her. But there was no answer. I tried one more time but again she didn’t answer.

So I tried the handle. To my surprise the door was unlocked. I suppose after spending years locked in she wasn’t in a hurry to repeat that.

“Y/N?” I called out into the dark as I entered, hand on the butt of my gun ready to draw it, just in case. “Y/N? It’s me, Spencer.”

I heard a sniffling followed by, “go a-away I don’t want you h-here.”

I followed the voice and found her sitting in the corner of the room with her back against the wall and her knees pulled up to her chest.

The moonlight seeped in through the open curtains and I could see the tear stains on her cheeks.

“Dahlia?” I removed my hand from my holstered weapon.

“Please g-go away. You are the last p-person I want to see.” She wouldn’t make eye contact with me. We’d gone back to square one.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Why are you h-here?” She tried to sound angry but she only sounded broken.

“Your neighbours called the police, they heard screaming. Emily heard about it and called me. She thought it would be better for me to come than the cops.”

“I don’t want you here.”

I noticed then she was picking at the stitches on her wrist.

I dropped to the floor next to her and took hold of her elbow, guiding her arm away from her fidgeting fingers.

She flinched a little at my touch and it shattered me.

“You’ll hurt yourself.”

“So?” She sniffed. “P-please leave.”

She shuffled away from me, the fear evident in her eyes.

She was scared of me. It killed me, but I knew it was my own fault.

“I am so, so sorry for what I said to you and how I acted Dahlia. The last thing I ever wanted to do was scare you.”

“I t-trusted you. You knew what h-he did to me.”

I wanted to reach for her, to hold her but I didn’t want to scare her more.

“Y/N, I’m not that man, I swear.” I was desperate not to cry, but the guilt was consuming me. “I hate that you’re scared of me now.”

“L-leave then. I’ll feel b-better if you leave.”

“I can’t in good conscience leave you like this.”

She still refused to look at me. I knew I was going to have to be straight with her.

“Look Dahlia, this is by no means a good excuse for the way I acted but you need to know why I reacted like that.” I sighed. “I suppose the simplest way to put it is I’m into BDSM. Stella, the woman who was with me, is my submissive and she has been for years. Just before I came back to Quantico we had done a scene. And for the first time I was experiencing what is known as a Dom drop. It’s when your mind can’t quite accept a scene is over and you get stuck in this dominant state. The man that yelled at you was someone I usually leave in the bedroom. I didn’t have a chance to properly adjust afterwards. Like I say, it’s not an excuse, it’s just what happened.”

Finally she turned to look at me.

Her face was a picture of confusion which I anticipated. People found it hard to understand the lifestyle.

“I don’t understand.”

I nodded, knowing I needed to elaborate.

“During a scene the body is releasing dopamine which is giving this high and as soon as the scene is over there is this sudden drop in hormones. During a scene our bodies tap into our sugar content, which leads to lower sugar levels which can make us feel irritable. Also the release of oxytocin can be accompanied by vasopressin which induces feelings of possession and territoriality. Does that make sense? I was in an altered state. It wasn’t me. I mean it was me, but it wasn’t me.” I was rambling, my words coming out faster than I was sure she could process them.

“Regardless of chemicals, you hurt me Spencer. You scared me. I t-trusted you.”

“I know I did Dahlia, and I am so, so sorry.”

“Why do you keep calling me that?” she chewed her lip with a frown.

And I could have lied to her, but I didn’t.

“During the Victorian era, Dahlia flowers symbolised a lasting bond or a lifelong commitment between two people. In the present day they are a symbol to commemorate something new. Meeting you was something my mind wanted to mark and I don’t know what it is but as soon as I laid eyes on you I knew I was bound to you. In what way I’m not sure. But Dahlia just seemed fitting.” I probably sounded crazy, but I wasn’t going to lie to her. I would never lie to her.

“You’re a very interesting man Spencer.” she replied, making me chuckle a little.

“Does that mean I’m forgiven?”

She mused on this for a moment, I’m not sure if she was trying to make me stew or not. Either way it was working.

“I’m not sure forgiven is the right word. But I do appreciate your honesty. You know, you remind me of the Seeker from the book.” Then she gave me the slightest hint of a smile.

And I knew more than ever that I was most certainly bound to this woman.

///

Spencer stayed with me for several hours, sitting on the floor in the dark side by side.

We mostly discussed Wizard's First Rule now I was finished reading it and he was telling me about the rest of the books in the series.

I hung off his every word. I meant it when I said he was interesting although fascinating would have been a better linguistic choice. He spoke with passion no matter the subject and it enthralled me.

By the time he stood from the floor and helped me up, the sun was starting to rise.

“Take my number.” He fished his card out of his satchel and handed it to me. “In case you ever need anything. Even if it’s just for the next book.”

I nodded slightly, taking the card although I wasn’t sure I would ever use it.

“What do you think you’ll do now?” He asked me as I walked him to the door.

“I honestly don’t know. I have a lot of things to process before I can even start thinking about rebuilding my life.” I opened the door for him, it was still a new experience being able to open my own front door.

“Well if you ever need help processing…” he trailed off as he stepped out onto the porch.

“Thanks.” I nodded.

We held each other's gaze for several long seconds. There seemed to be so much unsaid between us in those moments.

Some many words passed subconsciously between us, all the things we were both too afraid to say out loud.

But I knew he understood me. And I understood him.

After a little while he gave me a thoughtful smile.

“Well, goodbye Dahlia.”

“Goodbye Seeker.”

—————————————————————

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#this still is one of my favorite chapters. i swear.

[a-mended-pact]

Sticks and Stones - Chapter 5 [Spencer Reid x fem! Reader]

Taglist is open, and now has an option to be tagged in this series - you can find the form here.

A/N - here is chapter 5! Lyrics are from Long Way to Happy by Pink, which you can listen to here.

/// indicates change of perspective. Starts in Reader’s POV.

This fic is a slow burn. Strangers to friends to very eventual lovers. Smut to come in later chapters but you will have to bear with it!

CW: mentions of case related things, abuse, cuffs, nightmares, angry JJ (sorry I'm not always her biggest fan), dom! Spencer, vague mentions of spanking, choking (in a sexual context), biting, mentions of dom drop.

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WC: 5.4K

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Chapter 5 - Long Way to Happy

It’s gonna take a long time to love,

It’s gonna take a lot to hold on.

It’s gonna be a long way to happy, yeah.

Left in the pieces that you broke me into,

Torn apart but now I’ve got to

Keep on rolling like a stone,

‘Cause it’s gonna be a long, long way to happy.

A loud knock startled me awake and I instantly went into panic mode.

I fought against the arms wrapped around me, whimpering and whining a little.

A large hand cupped me under my chin, holding my face still.

“It’s ok Y/N, it’s only me. It’s Spencer.” He caught my gaze and held it strong, trying to calm me with just a look.

My heart was beating erratically and I knew in the close proximity we found ourselves in, he would be able to feel it too.

“I-I…I thought I heard…”

As if on a cue another knock sounded. Spencer’s eyes shot up to the window above the couch and he groaned a little.

“We appear to have an audience.” He sighed, sitting up and helping me do the same.

He was right, we did have an audience. Outside the window stood Tara, Penelope and a man I hadn’t yet met.

Spencer looked sheepishly at his coworkers whilst I turned away from them, my embarrassment burning my cheeks.

I heard the door open but I didn’t turn around.

“Morning Reid,” the male voice was friendly and tinged with amusement.

“Yeah.” Spencer replied. “Morning. Uh Y/N, this is Luke Alvez.”

I turned when I heard my name and gave the man known as Luke a shy wave.

“I should uh…b-bathroom.” I excused myself before scurrying past them.

I locked myself in a bathroom stall, my breathing slightly heightened.

I could still feel Spencer’s arms around me, his hand under my chin. I could still see the look on his face before we’d been disturbed.

I’d never looked at someone the way I looked at him. I’d never been looked at the way he looked at me.

I didn’t know what it was I was feeling, but I was sure none of it could be good.

Certainly not with Brett still out there.

///

“Oh I have so many questions.” Luke grinned at me once Y/N excused herself from the room.

“Oh good.” I rolled my eyes. “I haven’t even had any coffee yet.”

“What was that? I know you’re supposed to be keeping an eye on her, but you can do that from across the room.” Luke chuckled.

“She was…and I…” I didn’t really know how to explain myself, which wasn’t like me. “She needed comforting I guess.”

“Right,” Luke was still chuckling at me. “And the girls' jeans? You just had them lying about your apartment?”

“Something like that.”

“Are you dating someone?” Luke raised his eyebrow at me.

“Most definitely not.” I shook my head. “They belong to a friend. She leaves stuff at my apartment all the time.”

“A friend?” Luke smirked.

“Yes. A friend.” I sighed. “Look now isn’t the time for twenty questions ok? I need to go and get Dah…Y/N some more clothes so I need someone to watch her while I’m gone.”

“You should probably shower too.” Luke helpfully suggested.

Just then Y/N shyly reentered the room and our eyes met, completely forgetting all about Luke.

“Y/N,” I smiled at her. “I was going to go to your house to get you some clothes. Is that ok?”

I wanted her permission before I went rummaging in her house, completely invading her privacy.

“C-can I c-come?” She chewed her lip bashfully.

“No I’m sorry, it’s not safe.” I wanted to reach for her, hold her hand or cup her face but I knew I’d never hear the end of it from Luke so I refrained.

“Oh ok. Will you be l-long?” she looked so scared at the thought of me leaving and suddenly I didn’t care if Luke was there.

I came closer to her and slowly raised my hands to her face. She flinched a little but soon settled into my hold.

“I will be as quick as I can, I promise.” I whispered to her. “How would you feel about sitting in with Garcia while I’m gone?”

She chewed her lip, nodding her head in my hands.

“O-ok.”

“I’ll take you through to her office.” I let go of her face and let her pick up the book I’d given her. She clutched it to her chest as though it was her only lifeline.

Luke gave me a look as I left the room with her. A look that said, don’t do anything stupid. Don’t do anything stupid like fall for her.

But if he knew me better he would know that was impossible. I couldn’t fall for her even if I wanted to.

Or so I thought.

///

I sat in the corner of Penelope’s office with my book and a mug of tea in the same octopus mug as before. The tapping of her nails on the keyboard was rhythmic and oddly calming.

Suddenly her phone rang, startling me to the point I jumped a little on my chair.

“Go for greatness!” She chirped while I wiped at Spencer’s sweater where I spilt a little tea on it.

I started to panic, what if he was mad at me for dirtying his sweater? I wondered if they had somewhere I could clean it before he got back?

But my panic over the sweater was short lived as the voice on the other end of the phone I recognised as Emily, sent me panicking for a very different reason.

“There’s been another murder. A prostitute this time. No ID, Matt is sending you her prints.”

Another body. That could only mean it was Brett’s doing.

“Ok I’m on it like spots on a leopard. I’ll hit you right back.”

Once she hung up she turned to me. I was staring right through her, I didn’t realise it but my whole body was shaking.

“Oh gosh!” She got up from her chair and hurried over to me where she crouched next to me. “Y/N are you ok? I’m sorry you had to hear that…I should have had my headset on.”

“It’s n-never going to end i-is it?” I croaked, still staring where she’d been sitting a moment ago.

I felt her hand on my knee. I guess it was supposed to be soothing but it wasn’t.

“We will find him.” She whispered, determination in her voice all the same.

“Do you always catch them?” I finally let my eyes fall on her, needing to be able to see her facial expression.

I liked to think I would be able to tell if she was lying to me.

But she didn’t even try to lie, she told me the truth.

“No, we don’t.”

And as sick as that made me feel to hear, I appreciated her honesty.

“So you don’t know you’ll find him.”

“I can promise you, personally, I am not going to stop until he’s behind bars and you can sleep at night. Ok?” She squeezed my knee. “And I’m sure Spencer won’t either.”

My stomach turned at the mention of his name. He’d been gone less than an hour and I already ached for his return.

“Is there anywhere you could think he could have gone? Somewhere he could hide out?”

I shook my head, honestly I didn’t know anything about what Brett got up to outside the walls of our home.

“No.” I hung my head, feeling useless. “I’m sorry, I don’t know.”

“It’s ok sweetness.” She gave my knee another squeeze. “You get back to your book. I’m going to work on catching this asshole.”

She stood back up and tottered back to her computer monitors.

I didn’t think I’d be able to focus on the Seeker’s world now. All I wanted was for someone to hold me and tell me it would be ok.

And maybe that someone had messy, curly hair and divine eyes.

///

CSU had vacated the house so I had the space to myself.

I had every intention of just getting Y/N some clothes and leaving but curiosity got the better of me.

I told myself only was only being nosy in case I saw something they had missed but I knew that wasn’t strictly true.

I wanted to get to know this woman, I wanted to see what she’d seen being trapped in this house all those years. I wanted to get into her skin and see life through her eyes.

There was nothing obvious that screamed this was an unhappy home, at least not to the untrained eye. But my eye was very much trained. I could see the signs in the things that weren’t there.

The first thing that struck me was the complete lack of personality in the house. The walls were all painted off white, the floors a plain wood. The couch looked expensive but barely used. The beige material looked almost brand new and there wasn’t so much as a dent in the cushions to show anyone had ever sat there.

The bookshelf was lined with an array of different genres but none of the spines were cracked, almost as though they were only there for show. The only thing out of place in the room was the dried blood stain on the wooden floor presumably from the injuries on her wrists she hadn’t had a chance to clean.

The kitchen was pristine, like something out of a show home, I found it hard to believe it had ever been used. Even the fridge was immaculate, everything had its own place and everything was neatly spaced. I wouldn’t be surprised if I took a tape measure to it, I would find everything was spaced equally. The cupboards were exactly the same, nothing out of place.

There were no dishes in the sink, not even any on the draining board. It was spooky. I felt a shiver pass up my spine, how could anyone live like this?

There were no photographs anywhere, no indication of the people who lived here. There was a painting on the wall in the living room that again looked expensive, but it was just for show. It wasn’t personal. There were no personal touches, no trinkets, no ornaments of any kind.

If I didn’t know any better I would really think this was a show home.

Upstairs was no less sterile. The bed sheet was crisp and made with military precision. You could literally bounce a quarter off of it.

The nightstands gave nothing away as to who lived here either, I couldn’t even tell you who’s side of the bed was who’s.

I’m not big on personal touches but at least my apartment had some kind of life to it. I had a photograph of my mom and the team and I had a few house plants. Honestly, this house kind of gave me the creeps.

I ran my fingers across a few surfaces and there wasn’t even the tiniest speck of dust to be found, even in the places people often forget to clean. Every single inch of the house was spotless.

I located the closet and decided to do what I had come here for, not wanting to leave Dahlia longer than necessary.

As I opened the door of the closet my phone rang.

“Stell, hi.” I answered, cradling the device between my shoulder and neck as I started going through her clothes.

“You didn’t come home last night.”

“Well no, I didn’t. But seeing as you and I don’t live together you shouldn’t know that I didn’t come home last night.” I chuckled. I don’t know why she paid rent on an apartment she barely saw.

“I was waiting for you. I fell asleep. You didn’t come home.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled as I started rifling through the clothes.

Her closet was full of expensive dresses, each one pristine as though it has never been worn.

It wasn’t quite what I expected of her, although I’m not sure what I did expect.

“Next time you spend the night with Nora or Kylie, a text would be nice.” I could hear her munching on something.

“What are you eating?”

“Don’t change the subject, Pony.”

I laughed a little.

“I wasn’t with Nora or Kylie. I stayed at the office.”

Seriously, these dresses were immaculate. I really struggled to picture her in them.

“Falling asleep over files on serial killers?”

“Something like that.” I pushed the dresses aside, maybe she kept her more comfortable clothes at the back.

But what I found made my blood run cold.

“Uh Stell, I’ve gotta go.” I croaked.

“Is everything ok?” I could hear the concern in her voice.

“Yeah. Fine. I just…I’ll talk to you later.”

Before she had a chance to reply I hung up, too focused on what I’d found hidden away at the back of the closet.

A pair of chains hung from the wall, with cuffs on the end of them. There was dried blood on the cuffs.

“Fuck,” I muttered to myself. This was worse than I thought.

I closed my eyes, picturing the small, fragile girl cuffed inside the closet, crying and trying to claw her way out. Screams that fell on deaf ears.

How long did he keep her back here? How many hours or days of her life had she spent in this tiny closet, probably wishing for someone to come and save her.

As if I didn’t hate this man already, now I want to kill him. If I found him, I would not be held accountable for my actions. I would murder the son of a bitch. And I would enjoy it.

A tear escaped my eye as I thought of how scared she must have been, how alone it must have felt. It took me back to my prison cell, being held a prisoner for something I hadn’t done.

I pulled my contacts up on my phone and dialled her number.

She answered on the third ring.

“Prentiss.”

“Emily, I need CSU back at Y/N’s house. They missed something.” I explained what I had found, feeling bile rising in my throat as I did so.

When I got off the phone I went to leave the closet, not being able to be in here a second longer when I spotted a loose ceiling tile overhead.

Immediately I thought it would be the perfect place for Hawthorne to have hidden something incriminating, a murder weapon or bloody clothes perhaps.

I knew I should wait until CSU got back here but I couldn’t curb my need to know what was in there.

The ceiling was fairly low and being tall it was easy for me to dislodge the loose tile. Cautiously reaching inside I came across something small and hard. I pulled it back out in my hand and held my palm open to look at what I had uncovered.

It was a small porcelain figure of Tinkerbell from Peter Pan, no bigger than an inch or two. I ran my fingers over it, contemplating how such a thing would end up in the ceiling of the closet.

My only assumption was that it was something she didn’t want Hawthorne to find which meant it was probably something very meaningful to her.

I don’t know why but I found myself slipping it into my pocket rather than putting it back in its hiding spot. I felt like I should keep it close.

I continued searching the house in the hopes of finding something more comfortable for her to wear. I couldn’t believe she had nothing.

When CSU turned up I showed them to the bedroom and what I had found and went to leave, defeated and wondering what I was going to give her to wear.

As I was leaving, my eyes wandered out the kitchen window and I noticed the small shed at the end of the garden.

Maybe, just maybe I would be lucky and find something in there. I wouldn’t know unless I looked.

I started out the back door and down the garden path, the grass was perfectly trimmed and there wasn’t a single weed in sight.

I approached the shed and was lucky to find it didn’t have a lock on it.

There wasn’t much of note in the shed, a lot of old water damaged boxes, a lawn mower and some other gardening accessories. There was one box though that caught my eye. It was the only one that had something written on it and it piqued my interest.

All it said on it was “2007.”

Quick math told me Y/N would have been seventeen in 2007 which was how old she said she was when she started dating Brett. Did that mean something? There was only one way to find out.

I picked up the box from the pile and set it on the floor, ripping off the tape that held it closed. Inside was an array of clothes, all dirty and they smelt musky, clearly they’d been out here a while. There were various pairs of jeans, a denim skirt, some knee high boots and lots of t-shirts.

I looked at each item in turn, most of the tees were band t-shirts, at least I assumed they were, I thought I had heard of some of them. There were a couple that made me smile.

One adorned the text-

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

To.

To who?

No, to whom.

The joke made me laugh a little louder than I am proud of, it was like a glimpse into who she was as a person and it warmed my heart.

Another in particular was adorned with a beautiful collage of books with the quote “I have lived a thousand lives.”

I felt like I was getting to see a different side of her, the person she was before Brett destroyed her. These would be perfect to take for her. But I had to wash them first, the smell was terrible.

I made a trip to a local laundromat and reread The Narrative of John Smith too many times to count. I would need to go home and get some more reading material.

Eventually when the clothes were clean and dried I hurried back to Quantico, concerned for how long I’d left Dahlia.

I went straight to Garcia’s office, bursting through the door with such force I startled her.

“Jeez Reid, you scared me half to death!” she scalded me, hitting me in the arm.

“Where’s Y/N?” I didn’t have time for small talk. I needed to see her. I don’t know what it was but I had a deep, desperate desire to see her face.

“She’s sleeping.” Garcia gave me a sad smile. “We found another body. She was ok at first and then out of nowhere she broke down. She cried so much she exhausted herself. I helped her back to Morgan’s office to rest.”

“Oh god.” I groaned. “I should have been here. I need to see her.” Before Garcia could say anymore I had taken my box of clothes and fled.

I managed to dodge the rest of the team and get to the room Y/N was making her own. I found her curled up on the couch under one of Garcia’s overly fluffy blankets.

I crept in the room and put the box down before sitting on the edge of the desk. She looked so peaceful when she slept, she even had a soft smile on her lips.

It was probably her only escape from the hell that is her life.

I had this thought a moment too soon, as just as it entered my mind she suddenly started screaming at the top of her lungs and thrashing her arms around frantically.

She was having a nightmare.

I sprung up and crouched next to the couch, managing to grab one of her flailing arms and hold her hand.

“Y/N, it’s just a dream. Y/N?” I tried to rouse her, using my other hand to stroke back her hair. “Dahlia can you hear me? It’s Spencer.”

Suddenly the screaming stopped as did the flailing and her eyes shot open, landing on me.

She sat bolt upright, a sheen of sheet on her forehead.

“Spencer?”

Her breathing was erratic.

“It’s ok, you’re safe. I’m here.” I sat next to her and immediately her body collapsed into me and I wrapped my arms around her tightly.

She cried into my shirt while I held her and tried to soothe her.

It wasn’t fair for anyone to have to go through this, least of all someone as precious as her.

///

“This is it Doll, this is where it ends.”

“No please, please Brett! I’ll do better.” I sobbed loudly, stepping backwards from the man who was coming at me with a kitchen knife.

“You know my secret now, I can’t let you live.” He had a maniacal smile on his lips as he advanced on me.

My back hit the wall and I knew I was trapped. I knew this was the end.

“Please, I’ll do anything.” My whole body shook with fear.

He held the knife in the air, giving me a good look at the instrument that was going to end my life.

“Please, please Brett.”

“Y/N, it’s just a dream. Y/N?”

My head whipped around at the voice, where was it coming from?

“Spencer? Spencer, please help me!” I sobbed louder. “Spencer?”

“Shut up Doll, he can’t save you now.”

“Dahlia can you hear me? It’s Spencer.”

“Dahlia? Who the fuck is Dah-”

“Spencer? Spencer?”

“Spencer?” I awoke to his warm brown eyes looking right at me. My heart was beating so hard I thought it might break right out of my chest.

When he sat next to me I couldn’t help but fall into his arms. I couldn’t hold myself up and without meaning to I crumbled.

He didn’t seem to mind, but I’m not sure he would tell a crying woman if he did.

His arms around me felt like a safe haven. It felt like he was putting a protective wall around me, shielding me from all the bad in the world. I had never felt safer than I did at that moment. That seemed dangerous, because I knew first hand nothing good could last.

Spencer held me until all my tears had dried and not a second sooner. He made sure I had let it all out before he stroked back my hair and let go of me, leaving me feeling somewhat deflated at his lack of touch.

“Are you ok?” He asked me softly and I simply nodded, not wanting to talk about it.

“I struggled to find clothes that would be comfortable.” he stood up from the couch creating too much distance between us for my liking. He picked up the cardboard box and set it on the couch where he’d just been sitting.

“But then I found these in the shed.”

The shed? I frowned as he started unboxing the items and my eyes went wide seeing the old clothes I thought I had long ago lost.

I eagerly grabbed at the t-shirt with the book collage on it, one of my first creations. I brought it to my nose and inhaled it, it smelt freshly washed.

“I t-thought he’d thrown these o-out.” I sniffed, a little overwhelmed by the long lost memories. “T-thank you s-so much.”

He smiled at me kindly.

“You are so very welcome.”

“I uh...I made t-this one.” I blushed a little, why was I telling him this? “It was one of the f-first I made.”

“You make clothes?” he asked, seeming genuinely interested.

“I try.” I shrugged. “I sell some at a little store.”

“That’s amazing.” he beamed at me. “You should put it on.”

“Thank you for finding these. I never thought I’d see them again.” I took the t-shirt and a pair of slacks from the box. “I’ll c-change.”

I felt Spencer’s eyes on me as I left the room. I don’t know why he watched me but he did. If it was anyone else it would have made me feel uncomfortable. But it wasn’t anyone else.

It was Doctor Spencer Reid. And his gaze on me made me feel ten feet tall.

***

It was coming up on a week since I had been staying at the BAU and they seemed no closer to finding Brett.

Logically I knew I was safe in the confines of Quantico but it didn’t stem my fear. If Brett really wanted to get to me, he would.

I filled my day reading the book Spencer had given me, drinking tea with Penelope and spending time with Spencer.

I don’t know if he enjoyed the time we spent together as much as I did, he was probably only doing it because he had to. I’m sure he wouldn’t willingly spend time with me, but I relished in it all the same.

I hung off his every word, I thought he was just about the most fascinating person I had ever met. When I was sad he told me facts about animals, when I was scared he comforted me. When I had nightmares he would hold me and tell me the darkness would pass just like my mom used to.

I wanted to go home, but I also didn’t want my time spent with him to be over.

I felt close to normal when I was with him. He didn’t look at me like the broken victim like the rest of the team did. He looked at me like I was human, which is what I so sorely needed.

He’d gone home to get a change of clothes and a shower and I was sitting on the couch reading when the door suddenly flew open, making me jump when it hit the wall with a thud..

I gasped a little in shock as Agent Jareau stormed in the room, her face scrunched up into a frown.

“I’m getting a bit sick of this now.” she stood over me, glaring down at me with her arms folded across her chest.

“S-sick of w-what?” I stuttered, placing my book down next to me.

“This whole act.”

“W-what act?” had I missed something?

“I don’t believe you don’t know anything. You say you were together eleven years and you have no idea where he could be? I think that’s a load of crap.” she spat at me, her face red with rage.

I shrank in on myself, feeling my lip quiver pathetically.

“I d-don’t know where he is. I honestly d-don’t. He never told me a-anything.” a few tears escaped my eyes.

“I don’t buy it.” she shook her head. “You may have everyone else here wrapped around your little finger but you aren’t fooling me. And if you’re taking Spence for a ride I swear to god…” she trailed off.

“I-I don’t know what you mean?” I sniffed.

“He’s been through enough. Spencer is a decent man and he will go to the ends of the earth to help a woman in need. But he doesn’t need another Maeve. Her death destroyed him and he doesn’t need that again. So maybe you should just stay away from him.”

“I r-really don’t understand.” I sniffed again. “Who’s M-Maeve?”

“Don’t play dumb.” Agent Jareau rolled her eyes. “If you hurt him, you will have me to deal with.”

And with that she stormed off. And the few tears that trickled down my cheeks turned into waterfalls and before I knew it I was in a ball on the floor sobbing and screaming.

///

Honestly, I was exhausted. I had put more into this case than usual, I hadn’t stayed in my own apartment, let alone a bed in days. Every waking minute had been spent looking after Y/N, I didn’t mind but it was so tiring.

Finding Stella in my apartment when I came home for clean clothes wasn’t a surprise but for once, I wished she would just go home.

“You look rough, Pony.” she spoke from the couch, pausing whatever she was watching on TV.

“Hmmm,” I mumbled, heading straight through to my bedroom, pulling my tie over my head and throwing it across the room.

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” she followed me, of course she did.

“I’m really not in the mood Stella. Please just go home.” I dropped my jacket and started working on my shirt buttons. My clothes felt as though they were constricting me.

“Spencer, what’s wrong?” she frowned at me, coming closer to me.

“I’m exhausted Stell, I’m just not in the mood for...you.” I didn’t mean to sound harsh but my head was a mess. She didn’t look annoyed though, she looked concerned.

“What can I do?”

The last thing I probably needed was sex, but the way Stella was looking at me with dark eyes it was suddenly the only thing I could think of.

“On the bed. Now.” I shrugged my shirt off, letting it drop to the floor.

“Yes Doctor.” she smirked a little, laying herself back on my mattress as I got out of my slacks and boxers.

There was little time for foreplay, I need to fuck this out of my system.

I was rough and unyielding, even once I came I stayed inside of her until I grew hard and fucked her all over again.

I spanked her ass with my bare hand, leaving handprints on her skin. I held her throat under my palm, feeling her thready pulse. I bit her. I sucked marks into every inch of her flesh. By the time I was finished with her, she looked like a painting of purples and reds, my very own masterpiece.

I cleaned her up and rubbed ointment into her sores like I always did but the whole time I just wanted to pound her again. A white hot fury was pulsing through my veins and I had to keep my jaw clenched while I tended to her afterwards.

I felt sick with guilt. How could I do this to her? How could I treat her like this? Surely I was no better than men like Brett Hawthorne? Was I a monster? Had I just not realised it until now?

Stella had a dopey smile on her face as I comforted her, mumbling how good the pain felt but it didn’t help stem what I was feeling. I’d never felt like this afterwards, I don’t know what was going on.

“Are you ok, Pony?” she mumbled to me from the bed.

“I-I have to go.” I dropped the ointment to the bed and jumped up and started getting dressed.

“What?” she leant on her elbows to look at me but I turned my back on, buttoning my slacks.

“I have to go. Back to work.” I grabbed my shirt, frantically trying to get the buttons done up.

“But you haven’t-”

“I have to get back to her.” I growled at her a little more aggressively than I meant to.

Just then my phone rang, still in the pocket of my slacks, I fished it out.

“Yes?” I sighed into the phone, trying to fix my tie one handed.

“What? No. Fuck. I’ll be right there.” I hung up. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” I found my shoes, slipping my feet into them without doing them up.

“Pony, what the fuck? What’s going on with you?”

“Stop calling me fucking Pony! My name is Spencer. Spence or Reid. Not Pony for fuck sake Stella.” I snapped.

“Oh hell no, you do not talk to me like that.” she frowned heavily at me, a look on her face she’d never given me before. But I didn’t care.

Emily had called to tell me Dahlia was sobbing and screaming and I needed to get back to her. Nothing else mattered to me at that moment. Not even my best friend's feelings.

“I have to go.” I stormed towards the door, Stella hot on my heels.

“I’m coming with you.”

“You can’t come to the BAU with me.” I was already halfway out of the door.

“Watch me.”

I didn’t have time to argue with her. I had an idea of why she was coming with me and the reason why I was acting this way. But I refused to believe it.

I had been indulging in this lifestyle for too long for this to be my first dom drop. I was fine. Definitely fine.

But I wasn’t, it was just a good job Stella knew it.

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@lilmrspayne96 @radtwinkie @scarletstarrs @tvandfanfic

@flipperpenguins @jswessie187 @drayshadow @shemarmooresfedora @lytrc @nani-2305 @rainsong01

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#i honestly forgot about his dom drop #I'm still so in love with this series

[a-mended-pact]

Sticks and Stones - Chapter 4 [Spencer Reid x fem! Reader]

Taglist is open, and now has an option to be tagged in this series - you can find the form here.

A/N - here is chapter 4! Lyrics are from Treat You Better by Shawn Mendes, which you can listen to here.

/// indicates change of perspective. Starts in Reader's POV.

This fic is a slow burn. Strangers to friends to very eventual lovers. Smut to come in later chapters but you will have to bear with it!

CW: mentionsof residual trauma, vague mentions of sexual themes, vague mentions of Maeve.

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

WC: 4.5K

—————————————————————

Chapter 4 - Treat You Better

I know I can treat you better than he can,

And any girl like you deserves a gentleman.

Tell me why are we wasting time

On all your wasted crying

When you should be with me instead?

Penelope Garcia was the dictionary definition of perky. She was like a unicorn riding a rainbow wave. She was bubbly, colourful and bouncy, everything I wasn’t. In comparison, I was the colour beige.

“So this office once belonged to the beautiful chocolate god Derek Morgan. He would be glad it’s going to good use.” she beamed at me as she showed me into the room. “The couch is surprisingly comfortable. I got you pillows and blankets so you can make yourself comfy.”

I only nodded in reply, tentatively sitting down on the edge of the couch.

“Do you drink tea? I’m going to get you some tea.” she smiled brightly at me once more before hurrying past me, as fast as her heels would carry her back out of the room.

I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, scratching at the cheap material of the scrubs.

I knew I should be at home. I should be cleaning up the mess in the house. They couldn’t keep me here, could they? I wasn’t actually a prisoner was I?

The problem was, I didn’t know any better. I’d been a prisoner in my own life for so long now I didn’t know how to speak up for myself.

So I sat and waited for Penelope to come back, staring at the wall in front me, feeling as useless as the piece of furniture I was sitting on.

I heard her coming before I saw her, her heels clacking on the floor. The door opened slowly and I looked up at her.

She was carrying two mugs, one was a unicorn and the other an octopus, and she sat next to me and handed me the latter.

“W-what is this?” I looked at the octopus I was now holding.

“It’s green tea, it’s calming.” She smiled. “And the octopus is just for fun.”

“Oh.” I croaked.

“It’s not so bad here you know? You’ll be safe here.” She placed her free hand on my knee which made me jump and I almost spilt the tea. “I had to stay here a little while ago. I had a group of hitmen after me.”

My eyes widened as she spoke. She smiled comfortingly.

“Those guys out there, they are the best at what they do Y/N. They will find him. And when they do you will never have to worry about him ever again.”

I wished I could believe her but I couldn’t. However, I didn’t have the strength to argue.

I sipped the tea from the strange mug without words.

“Are you hungry? Can I get you any snacks?”

“I can’t eat.” I shook my head. “Not until Brett comes home.” I turned my attention back to the tea, trying to focus on that and nothing else.

Penelope and I descended into silence after that. I could feel her bespectacled eyes on the side of my face, clearly wanting to speak but thinking better of it.

I got around half way through my tea, focusing on the contours of the mug in my hands to keep my mind busy, when there was a light rap on the door.

My eyes darted to the door, my heart already hammering. It opened cautiously to reveal Doctor Reid, with a sympathetic smile on his lips.

“Hi Y/N,” he gave me another awkward wave.

I gave him the smallest of smiles in return.

“I brought you these.” He held his hand out towards me.

I swallowed and put the mug down on the nearby table before taking the items in his hand with caution.

I unfolded the neatly pressed clothes, a pair of simple blue jeans and a large red sweater with yellow stripes. I looked up at him, chewing my lip.

“Thank you Doctor Reid, but I can’t wear these.” I shook my head. “Brett wouldn’t like me in these.”

Doctor Reid looked as though he was thinking for a moment before he spoke again.

“Wouldn’t he prefer you in those rather than the scrubs?”

He was right. At least they would look somewhat more presentable.

“I s-suppose.” I agreed skeptically.

“There’s a restroom across the hall if you want to change?” Penelope spoke, startling me a little. When Doctor Reid was looking at me with those incredibly expressive eyes I forgot everything else going on around me.

“Ok.” I nodded, standing up slowly.

I kept my eyes on the floor, clutching the clothes in my arms as I padded past them. I brought the sweater to my nose, although I’m not sure why. It smelt like coffee and books. It smelt like a warm hug.

It smelt like comfort.

///

Garcia excused herself to get back to work and I sat on Morgan’s old desk waiting for Y/N to return.

I’d found Stella on my couch eating pizza when I’d rushed in to get some clothes.

“Whoa Pony, where’s the fire?”

“Can’t stop. Need clothes.” I’d darted past her into my bedroom. “Have you got any pants here?”

“Excuse you?” She followed me, watching me as I ran about like I’d lost my mind. “You want to wear my pants?”

“They aren’t for me. It’s a long story.” I grabbed a sweater from the closet. It was an old one of mine I hadn’t worn in years but it was large even on me and I thought it would offer Y/N some comfort. “Pants?”

I turned back to Stella who was looking at me like I was insane. Maybe I was.

“Fine, I won’t ask questions, mostly because my pizza is getting cold. I think I slipped some jeans in with your wash. They are probably still in the drier.”

“You really are a freeloader, you know that?” I rolled my eyes, heading back past her again.

“I brought my own pizza.” she huffed.

I turned back to her with a skeptical look on my face.

She rolled her eyes and shrugged.

“Fine I brought my own pizza with the cash I found in your office. You owed me for last night.”

“Fine.” I didn’t have time to stand and argue with her.

“Why do you need my clothes?”

I sighed loudly, running my fingers through my hair.

“It’s a case. We’re chasing this unsub and we’re keeping his fiance safe at Quantico until he’s in custody. He was an abusive asshole and if we don’t keep her safe, he’ll kill her.”

I pressed the jeans and sweater as quickly as I could before breaking several speed limits to get back to Quantico. I didn’t have time to wait for a metro, and I really pushed the capability of my old car.

When she returned she looked hesitant, unsure of herself. Stella’s jeans were a little too big for her frame and my sweater engulfed her like I knew it would. The sleeves were too long and draped over her hands. She was the most adorable thing I had ever laid eyes on.

“How are they?” I asked as she slowly sat back on the couch.

“More comfortable, thank you.” She picked Garcia’s octopus mug back up, pulling the sleeves over her hands so she could hold it properly.

“Did you know that female octopi can lay two hundred thousand to four hundred thousand eggs at a time? But after she gives birth her body turns on her and goes through cellular suicide, basically it rips through her tissues and organs until she dies.” As I said the fact out loud I realised how morbid it sounded. Of all the facts in my brain, I don’t know why I had chosen to share this one.

But Y/N looked up at me from the mug, her eyes wide in childlike awe. I literally saw her light up in front of my very eyes.

“Really?” She squeaked.

“Really.” I chuckled a little.

“Wow.”

And then something wonderful happened. She smiled, she actually smiled. And I felt my heart compress in my chest.

If I never do anything else with my life, at least I put a smile on this glorious woman’s face.

I dared to push my luck, hoping another fact would have the same, if not a similar effect.

“They also have an amazing sense of touch. Their suckers have receptors which allows them to taste whatever they’re touching.”

Somehow her eyes got even wider.

“That’s…wonderful.” Her voice was breathy with fascination. She looked down at her own fingertips as though jealous of the octopi ability.

I was usually met with irritation at my constant spouting of facts so her delightedness was something new for me.

“Yeah?” I couldn’t suppress the dopey smile that crossed my lips.

“Yeah.” She nodded. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

A combination of her sweet words and the look she was giving me, like I was the most interesting person she’d ever met, felt like a vice around my heart.

And in that moment I knew I would share anything with her.

***

The rest of the team called it a night, no closer to finding Hawthorne.

I returned from the kitchen with a mug of coffee for myself and a green tea for Y/N.

She was on the couch, her legs folded underneath her and she gave me the small hint of a smile when I handed her the drink.

“Thank you Doctor Reid.”

I perched on the edge of the desk.

“You can call me Spencer.”

“O-ok…Spencer.” She tried it out on her tongue and her face said she liked it. “You don’t h-have to stay with me S-Spencer. I’ll be o-ok.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

My staying with her had nothing to do with the fact Emily instructed me to. I wanted to stay with her. In the space of a few hours I had become completely enraptured by her.

I studied her movements and facial expressions committing them all to memory. I wanted to know when she was sad, when she was scared or when she was comfortable.

I was surprised to find she did seem comfortable around me, well as comfortable as she could be given the situation.

She was starting to make a little more eye contact with me, she’d even started conversations rather than waiting for me to speak. I was already starting to see glimpses of the woman behind the mask she had spent years painting on.

She didn’t argue with me further about my being here, I imagined she would normally get scalded for talking back.

I set my coffee down and picked up my satchel from the floor.

“Do you like to read?”

She chewed her lip nodding but didn’t say a word.

I pulled two books out of my bag, two books I carried everywhere with me. One was The Narrative of John Smith by Arthur Conan Doyle. The other was Wizards First Rule.

I handed her the latter, after quickly peeling the post-it note from inside and tucking it back in my bag.

She ran her fingers over the cover thoughtfully, as though trying to absorb its information. Maybe she was hoping to taste it like the octopus.

“What’s it about?” she looked at me with that childish wonder again and if she didn’t stop doing that I was going to succumb to her entirely.

“Well, you’d have to read it to find out wouldn’t you?” I smiled, my eyes sparkling.

She seemed to like that answer as she gave me a soft hint of a smile again before opening the cover.

I’d lost count of how many times I had read that book since Alex left. I didn’t realise at the time it was only book one of a fifteen book series called The Sword of Truth. I owned most of them now, and had read all of them.

I got up from the desk and tentatively sat on the other end of the couch, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. She looked across at me and thought she might ask me to move but she didn’t speak.

“Is this ok?”

She seemed to contemplate this for a moment, and when she nodded I wasn’t sure if she’d agreed to appease me or because she really didn’t mind.

Either way I stayed, and somehow over the course of the night we came closer together, as though we were made of magnets of opposite poles. It was as though I was the north and she was the south and we were being attracted to one another through forces beyond our control.

And somehow she ended up with her head resting in my lap as she read. I couldn’t read myself, the only thing I could focus on was her and the thought of how anyone could hurt such a precious creature.

///

I don’t know how I’d ended up with my head in Spencer’s lap, I must have been so immersed in the world of Terry Goodkind’s creating because I hadn’t meant to do it.

Once I realised what I had done I sat up and shifted away from him, how inappropriate of me?

But when I looked at him, I saw he was fast asleep, his head rolled forward so his chin met his chest.

He looked the epitome of peace, I was envious. I didn’t think I’d ever felt that level of peacefulness.

I took a moment to take him in. His long eyelashes grazed the dark circles of skin beneath his eyes. His chapped lips were parted ever so slightly, his bottom lip pouted.

His mess of curly brown locks fell onto his face and down the back of his neck. They looked soft and I was sure they smelt divine.

I briefly allowed myself to wonder what they feel like beneath my fingers. How lost would my fingers get in those luscious curls?

I felt a strange fluttering in my chest as though a butterfly had made its home beneath my skin. I placed my hand over my heart with a frown. It wasn’t something I’d ever felt before and I didn’t know what it meant.

Scared of what the answer might be, I left the room, needing to create a little distance between myself and the Doctor.

The BAU was the polar opposite to the hustle and bustle it had been a few hours before. It was like a ghost town, all the agents now gone and the only sound was the faint hum of machines.

I found the kitchen and without even thinking I picked up a cloth and started wiping down the counters.

What did this all mean for me? I’d spent a huge portion of my life, every moment of my day pleasing Brett. I cooked for him, I cleaned for him; my life revolved around him.

Who was I if I wasn’t looking after him? What did I do when they found him and he went to prison? Where did it leave me?

I moved about the desks, picking up empty coffee cups and snack packets and disposing of them. I gave each desk a wipe down as well as the computer monitors that sat on them.

I don’t know how long I was cleaning for, lost in thoughts of what was going to become of me, when I heard someone clear their throat.

I jumped, a small whimper leaving my throat.

“Oh my gosh!” My voice pitched. “You scared me.”

“I’m so sorry.” Spencer looked at me a little sadly. “I didn’t mean to frighten you Dahlia.”

“D-Dahlia?” I frowned, wringing the cloth between my hands. “My n-name is Y/N.”

A wave of confusion washed over his face and I didn’t know what he was thinking. I guess they had a lot of cases come through here so it was understandable he would forget my name.

“Uh yeah,” he scratched the back of his neck. “This place has never looked cleaner.”

“Y-yeah…Brett likes me to keep things tidy.”

He pulled a face, one that looked pained.

He took calculated steps towards me and when he reached me he pried the cloth from my hands.

“Brett isn’t here Y/N.” His voice was suddenly low, breathy almost. I didn’t know what that meant.

He held my gaze and I am embarrassed to admit I got a little lost in his eyes.

He reached to stroke back a strand of my hair behind my ear and his fingers grazed my cheek and the sound that left my lips could only be described as that of a frightened puppy.

He smiled though, I’m not sure why.

Once the strand of hair was taken care of he rested his hand languidly on my cheek. Normally I would shy away at any physical touch. But his hand was warm and I found solace in his hold.

I’m not sure why but my eyes fell over his lips, well I am sure why, I just don’t like to admit it.

I imagined how those plump lips would feel if he pressed them against my own. I’m sure they would be sweet and gentle and not at all like the lips I was used to being kissed by.

Brett was the only man who had ever kissed me so I didn’t know what kissing Spencer would be like. But my whole body screamed that I wanted to find out.

I’m sure he was looking at my lips too, but I couldn’t fathom that someone such as him would ever want to kiss someone like me. It must have just been wishful thinking on my part.

“Y/N,” he whispered my name and it sounded like a prayer. I wanted to succumb to him. I wanted to give him everything I had left to give.

“Y-yes Spencer?” My breath caught in my throat. I felt as though if he didn’t kiss me I might simply die.

I’m not sure if I was imagining things but I’m sure he edged closer to me, I could now feel his warm breath as it fanned across my face.

I was about to throw myself to him, like a lamb to the slaughter. What an absolutely foolish thing for me to have done.

But thankfully, before I could do anything I would most certainly regret, we were interrupted by a faint buzzing.

Spencer practically lept back from me, pulling his phone from his pocket.

I saw him roll his eyes before putting the device away again.

“Come on Y/N.” He started walking, nodding his head for me to follow.

And I did. Because I always do what I’m told. Only when Spencer told me to do something, I didn’t mind so much.

///

Good god, what was this woman doing to me?

I liked my life how it was, I enjoyed casual sex without the need for getting feelings involved. My heart had shut down to feelings a long time ago.

So why then had I been this close to kissing Y/N?

Kissing to me was an intimate act. Sex I used lightly but kissing was different. I never kissed the people I had sex with, in five years Stella and I hadn’t even broken our no kissing rule.

Y/N was the first person I’d thought about kissing since…Maeve.

That thought alone was enough to scare the life out of me.

But it didn’t take a profiler to see she was attracted to me, I’m just not sure if it was aesthetic attraction or if she was simply attracted to the fact I was protecting her.

Either way, I know if I had kissed her, she would have let me. But if I kissed her, there would be no turning back. I would have been utterly consumed by her, like a praying mantis being consumed by his mate after copulation.

The shattered pieces of my heart would have belonged solely to her. And I couldn’t have that. My heart was in no state to be given away.

I never thought I would be grateful for Kylie’s late night booty calls, but she had inadvertently saved me from doing something monumentally stupid.

It wasn’t the first call of hers I’d ignored tonight. And clearly she wasn’t taking me not picking up as a hint because she kept calling.

With Kylie it was purely physical. I didn’t like her much as a person, she was vapid and shallow, but she was always willing to let me into her bed. We didn’t spend much time talking if I could help it. We would both get off and then I would be gone again. And it worked for us both.

There was also Nora, who was much easier to talk to than Kylie. Sometimes afterwards we would lay and talk until the sun came up. She was sweet, much less aggravating than Kylie.

And of course there was Stella, my long term submissive. With us it wasn’t even about the sex act, it was more a way for me work through my control issues that only got more desperate after prison. Honestly we didn’t even have sex all that often, mostly because the desires I imparted on her left her sore for days after. She was always willing though, I never did anything against her will. She was my best friend above all else after all.

My phone buzzed again with an incoming text message and I sighed picking up the device as I waited for Y/N to come back from the bathroom.

Waiting for me on the screen was a photograph from Kylie, clearly not satisfied with my ignoring her, she was resorting to dirty tactics to get me in her bed.

The photo was grainy on my old device but I could see it clearly enough. It was an image of Kylie’s breasts clad in a hot pink bra with a black lace trim. Her hefty cleavage spilled over the top of the cups and I’m only human so I can’t deny it did turn me on a little. But not enough to give in to her will.

A large sigh snapped my eyes away from the photograph and I turned to see Y/N behind me, she didn’t seem all that surprised by the image.

She walked past me and sat back on the couch.

“It’s not what it looks like.” I pocketed my phone.

“No. I’m sure it isn’t.” she shrugged, picking up the book and opening it at the page she’d book marked. “I’m sure there are multiple reasons a man would have a photograph like that on their phone.”

It was the first time I’d heard her speak without stuttering. I wasn’t sure what that meant.

“Well, yes I suppose it is exactly what it looks like. But it was unsolicited. I didn’t ask for it.” Why was I explaining myself to her? Why did I care what she thought?

“I’m sure it was Doctor.” she didn't look at me, she focused on the pages of the book.

I couldn’t quite pinpoint the tone to her voice. It wasn't annoyance or disgust. It was somewhere closer to acceptance, as though she had long ago resided herself to the fact that this was just the way men were.

To her, men were all the same, and Kylie’s picture did nothing to dispel that.

I sighed and shuffled closer to her, taking the book from her hands, forcing her to look at me.

“I’m going to tell you something about myself, ok?”

She chewed her lip, trying to decide if she wanted to let me explain to her. She eventually shrugged which compelled me to continue.

“Something bad happened to me a long while ago that essentially changed the fabric of who I am as a person. I lost my belief in love and happily ever after. But we all need some kind of human connection, you know? And I choose to get mine that way. We all have a story, Dahlia, so please don’t judge me based on one photograph you saw on my phone.”

She sat on my words for a while, turning them over in her head before she decided her next move as though she were playing a game of chess.

“Spencer,” she spoke after what felt like a lifetime of silence. “For starters, one day you are going to tell me why you keep calling me Dahlia. But I’m not exactly in a position to judge anyone, am I? I’m sure human connection is a wonderful thing, unfortunately I don’t have many good memories to go by.”

An idea struck me suddenly and I took hold of her hands. She flinched a little but let me hold them.

“Close your eyes for me.”

Her back went rigid.

“W-why?”

“Please?” I pleaded her. Clearly she had some kind of trust towards me as she closed her eyes. “Think back to a better time for me. Think back to a time when he wasn’t a part of your life.”

She exhaled a shaky breath.

“That’s hard. I feel like he’s always been a part of my life.”

I gave her hands a soft squeeze, trying to encourage her.

“Did you have a good childhood?”

“Y-yes. The best actually.” her lip turned up at the corner in a slightly nostalgic smile.

“You were close to your mom?”

“Yes.” she sniffed.

“What kind of things did you and your mom used to do? What is your lasting memory of human connection with your mom?”

Another nostalgic smile played on her lips and she looked so serene in that moment I never wanted it to end for her.

“When I was sad or scared, she would crawl into bed with me and wrap her arms around me from behind. She would bury her face into my neck and whisper to me that the darkness would pass.”

She opened her eyes when I let go of her hands, looking a little deflated by lack of touch.

“Lay down.” I whispered to her.

“W-what?”

“Do you trust me?”

She chewed her lip, looking at me in deep contemplation.

“Yes.” she nodded. “Yes I do. I don’t know why, but I do.”

“Then please, lay down.”

With a sigh she did as I said and laid down on the couch on her back, looking up at me.

“Turn over.” I instructed her softly.

And she did. She rolled over so her back was to me. She was shaking a little, I think she knew what I was doing.

I kicked off my Converse and with as much vigilance as I could, I laid down next to her. My movements were cautious so as not to scare her as I wrapped the small, scared girl in my arms.

She sighed as I buried my head in the crook of neck, breathing in her scent.

“Dahlia, I promise you the darkness will pass.”

I don’t know which one of us was more surprised when she threaded her fingers in mine, entwining our hands.

I swear in that moment I felt a piece of my heart break off and affix with hers. And I would never ask for it back.

—————————————————————

Images for Chapter

Taglist -

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@lilmrspayne96 @radtwinkie @scarletstarrs @tvandfanfic @flipperpenguins @jswessie187 @drayshadow @shemarmooresfedora @lytrc @nani-2305 @rainsong01 @sassymoon

All ships & genres -

@muffin-cup @andiebeaword @mggsprettygirl @measure-in-pain @ptrs-prkrs @sexy-dumpster-fire @takeyourleap-of-faith @insomniacdyke @spencers-dria

SR x reader all -

@boxofsparklingmuses @frickin-bats @ukai-hoe @dreatine @adoringanakin @amesandpineapples @dr-spencerr-reidd @90spumkin @battinsonn @sleepretreat @dr-spence-reid @spenxerslut @wheelsupscenehater @sunkissglow @sweetandsunny @spencereidsupremacy @bellaswanismysoulmate @manuosorioh @mcumorningstar @iamwarrenspeace @reichelhache @dontcallmekittens @scroopditty @kuolonsyoja @ilovespencerreidmarryme @rougewamchop

#i should so be asleep rn #ughh #but your writing is always so amazing

[a-mended-pact]

Sticks and Stones - Chapter 3 [Spencer Reid x fem! Reader]

Taglist is open, and now has an option to be tagged in this series - you can find the form here.

A/N - here is chapter 3! Lyrics are from Read All About It by Emeli Sande, which you can listen to here. I've decided to start including social media images at the end of each chapter! Spencer and the Reader finally meet but not under the best circumstances...

/// indicates change of perspective. Starts in Spencer's POV.

This fic is a slow burn. Strangers to friends to very eventual lovers. Smut to come in later chapters but you will have to bear with it!

CW: mentions of penetrative sex, subspace, aftercare, case related language, blood, violence, mentions of self harm, bruises and mentions of abuse.

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WC: 5K

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Chapter 3 - Read All About It

You’ve got the words to change a nation,

But you’re biting your tongue.

You’ve spent a lifetime stuck in silence,

Afraid you’ll say something wrong.

If no one ever hears it, how we gonna learn your song?

2018

The room was hazy, the smell of sweat combined with the aroma of her sweet release clung to the air.

It was thick and heavy like a cloak, stifling almost. But I wasn't finished. Not yet.

“That’s it doll, you take it so well.” I had her face down in the mattress, her ass in the air as I pounded her, whipping my hips back and forth as though my life depended on it.

I marvelled at her back and her ass, lit up like a Christmas tree with bite marks and bruises I’d left behind in my wake.

“I’m close doll, not much longer.” I tugged the leash that was fixed to the collar around her neck. She only whimpered in response.

And then her body started convulsing as another orgasm ricocheted through her. I let go of the leash so she could drop her head to the bed, her whimpers muffled by the pillows.

I gripped her hips to keep them up, knowing I would leave more bruises from the force of my hold on her.

“I’m so close.” A few more pumps and I’d be there. My balls were starting to tingle and then…

My phone rang.

“Of course.” I grunted heavily in frustration, pulling out of her.

She whimpered again and fell to the bed.

“Reid,” I answered, trying to disguise the exasperation in my voice.

Garcia filled me in, they needed us in Quantico in a half hour.

I hung up and turned back to the mess of a girl I’d left on my bed.

She was whimpering and her body was shaking, still in the position I had left her in. I sat down next to her and stroked back her hair.

“Stell? Stell are you with me?”

She barely mumbled in response, her eyes glazed over seemingly looking right through me.

“Did you know that subspace only happens because of the chemicals your brain releases?” I bowed my head to kiss her forehead while I reached for the ointment on the nightstand. “I’m proud of you sweet girl. Reaching subspace only comes from having extreme trust in me knowing your limits when to stop even when you yourself don’t want to. Thank you for having that trust in me.”

I poured the ointment straight onto her ass. She was still shaking, mumbling incoherently under her breath as I massaged the lotion into her bruised flesh.

“It’s ok darling. The scene is over now, you can rest. I just need to put some cream on you to stop the bruising getting any worse.”

I worked the ointment all over her battered skin, tending to the marks I had left behind. I had been particularly rough with her today and she took it so well. She was such an angel.

It took around ten minutes to ensure I had covered all her marks before I stroked back her hair once more and placed a few kisses on her cheek.

Before I left, I placed a glass of water and some Advil on the nightstand with a note reminding her to put on more ointment when she woke up.

“I am so sorry I have to go sweetheart. It was never my intention to leave you like this but I am so, so proud of you. You did so great. Please stay as long as you need.”

It killed me to leave her like this but I didn’t have a choice. I wished I could stay to see her down from her high but I couldn’t. I just hoped she’d be ok. I was sure she would be, Stella was the strongest person I knew.

I kissed her cheek once more before I reluctantly left the apartment.

I had no idea at the time that this case would change my whole life as I knew it.

***

Garcia clicked the button on her remote and a picture of a white male in his mid to late twenties sprung onto the screen.

“This, my wonderful crime fighter’s, is twenty nine year old Brett Hawthorne.”

“Hawthorne? I know that name.” Rossi mused with a frown on his features.

“As astute as ever my Italian Stallion, he is the son of none other than prominent DC politician Mitchell Hawthorne.”

“He’s dead?” Matt piped up, looking up from his folder.

I could sense Garcia’s frustration across the room.

“No, see this? This is why I hate interruptions.” She looked to Emily for help in corralling us.

“He is wanted in conjunction with the rapes and murders of five housewives in the DC area as well as several prostitutes over the last five years.” Emily spoke for her as Garcia clicked the remote and more pictures swarmed the screen.

Several women, all I would peg to be in their late twenties or early thirties, attractive and with their throats slashed.

“How do we know who we are looking for?” Luke asked now and I knew the exact reaction that would garner from Garcia.

“Newbie,” she rolled her eyes dramatically. “We know because his last victim, Maya Sinclair, survived.” she clicked the button again and another photo was added to the screen.

Maya Sinclair looked just like the other victims only she was lying in a hospital bed, her neck bandaged profusely.

“Her husband returned home early and he was caught in the act. Hawthorne fled the scene but the husband managed to call the 911 and the paramedics saved her life.” Garcia added.

“She and her husband made a positive ID on Hawthorne. And we matched his DNA to at least twenty other unsolved murders going back to twenty thirteen.” Emily informed us all. “JJ, Luke I want you to go to the hospital and speak with Maya Sinclair and her husband.”

“On it.” JJ nodded.

“Matt, coordinate with local law enforcement. We have an APB out on Hawthrone’s car and his mugshot is plastered on every news station across the state. But this man must have some level of smarts to have gotten away with these murders for so long. Tara, you and I will check out his house and Spence…” she paused and I already knew what she was going to say.

“You need me to go through the files on the unsolved murders because I am the only person who can read fast enough.” I smiled coyly at her and she smiled back with a nod.

“Thank you. Right, let’s get moving. We know our unsub, we just need to find him before he strikes again.” Emily directed at us all as we started getting up from the round table.

“Sorry Spence,” she patted my back as I passed her on my way out of the room.

“It’s ok,” I shrugged. “I like a good paper trail, I find it meditative.” I gave her a smile before I left the room.

I checked my phone briefly to see if I had anything from Stella, but I didn’t so I figured she was still sleeping it off.

I shot her a quick text to let me know when she was conscious and reminded her how proud I was of her.

And then it was time to dive into the mind of a psychopath. Although in all honesty, these days that wasn’t so hard for me to do.

///

This was it. This was the end.

This was the day I was going to die.

I cowered in the corner of the room, knees pulled up to my chest, heart beating in my ears.

Should have I seen the signs? Shouldn’t I have known sooner?

How could I live with a man for so long and have no idea what he was really like? Five years ago he hadn’t even hesitated in cutting my leg with that broken plate, so why am I surprised by this?

Maybe I did know, deep down. Maybe there was some part of me that knew he didn’t work as much as he said he did. Maybe I knew when he said he was working late again, coming home smelling of iron that it was because of the blood from whomever he had just murdered.

Or was I really so stupid and naive to have not seen it?

But it was here in black and white, clear as day. My fiancé was being hunted because he was a serial murder, the news coverage on the TV made that much evident.

And surely it was only a matter of time before he came back to claim me as his victim too.

It begged the question as to why he hadn’t killed me already. Seeing the footage of his victims on the TV, it didn’t take a genius to figure out they all looked just like me. Was this my fault? Could I have prevented this? If I’d been better, could I have stopped this?

But why through it all was all I could think that I needed to tidy the house? The blood was dripping from my arm onto the carpet and if he saw it he would go ballistic.

I pushed myself up from the floor on shaking legs and shut off the TV. Maybe if I just pretended not to know and carried on as normal he would spare me for now? But also if he did kill me, at least I would be out of his clutches forever.

As I went to go through to the kitchen to fetch some cleaning supplies, there was a knock on the door. I froze in my tracks, stifling my breathing so as not to be heard.

“Brett Hawthorne?” a stern, female voice carried through the door. “FBI, open the door!”

My blood froze in my veins. FBI. The FBI were at my front door.

I held my breath, not making a single sound. Hopefully they would leave if they thought no one was home? I should have known better.

“Brett Hawthorne, open the door or we will be forced to kick it down!”

“No!” I whimpered, my voice quivering. “No, don't break the door, he will be so mad.”

Long drawn out silence met me and I prayed for them to leave. They didn’t.

“Open the door ma'am.”

“I can’t.” I swallowed, wrapping my arms around myself in a poor attempt to shield myself from them.

“Open the door or we will break it down.”

“I can’t!” I sniffed. “You don’t understand.” I came closer to the door, scraping my nails over the wood. “It’s locked. I c-can’t open it.” tears started rolling down my cheeks then.

“Please step away from the door ma’am.” a male voice came now and it might have been a friendly voice but I was too panicked to notice.

“I can’t.” I sniffed again. “Please, you can’t break down the door.”

“Step away from the door. Please.” another female voice came this time, less stern than the first. “My name is Tara Lewis, what’s your name?”

I swallowed, knowing how Brett felt about me talking to strangers, or anyone for that matter.

But her voice was sweet and calm and I found myself speaking anyway.

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Ok Y/N. Do you live here?”

“Yes.”

“With Brett Hawthorne?”

“Yes.”

“Is he home right now?”

“N-no.”

I heard hushed muttering before Tara Lewis spoke again.

“And you say you are locked in?”

“Y-yes.” I was chewing my lip with so much force I could taste the metallic blood on my tongue.

“Are there any windows you can open?”

I stepped back from the door and looked around the room. I was never allowed to open windows or doors. I was never allowed to do much of anything.

“No-no.”

More muttering occurred on the other side of the door. I thought I heard the words lock and pick.

“Y/N, we think we can pick the lock ok? That way we don’t need to break anything. Is that ok?” Tara’s comforting voice came again.

“I’m not s-supposed to...I don’t t-think he’d like it.” I wrapped my arms around myself once more, completely oblivious to the fact I was getting blood all over myself.

“I promise you Y/N, nothing bad is going to happen to you. But you have to let us in.”

It didn't matter what I said because I could already hear the scratching sound of the lock being picked.

I stood there for a few minutes, wrapped in my own arms, hoping it would protect me against the world but knowing it wouldn’t.

When the door did open I was face to face with two women in Kevlar FBI vests and guns holstered at their sides.

Behind them was a couple of male police officers.

Everyone was staring wide eyed at me as though I had two heads.

“Y/N?” The woman whose voice matched Tara Lewis stepped closer to me and I flinched a little. “Are you ok?”

“Y-yes?”

“Who’s blood is that?” She pointed down at my shirt.

I looked down and let my arms drop to my sides.

“M-mine.” I stuttered, suddenly realising that wounds I’d inflicted on my wrists were open for the world to see.

“Can you take her to the hospital?” The other, sterner woman shouted over her shoulder.

“No!” I begged. “No please. I’m fine.”

Tara stepped even closer to me and I flinched again when she took hold of my hands. and looked down at my wrists.

“You need to get these stitched up Y/N.”

“I-I…” I swallowed. “I don’t want to go w-with one of t-them.” I nodded my head towards the police officers.

Tara clearly sensed my reluctance was gender based and she turned to the other woman.

“I’ll take her.” Then she turned back to me. “Will you go to the hospital if I take you?”

I looked from Tara to the other woman, to my cuts and then back to Tara.

“H-he doesn’t like me l-leaving the house.” My eyes blurred with tears.

I saw something wash over Tara that was akin to sadness.

“I promise you Y/N, he can never hurt you again. Please let me take you to the hospital. Then I’ll take you to our offices in Quantico and we will keep you safe. How does that sound?”

She reminded me of my mom. Her softness and the look in her eye was comforting and like a warm hug. It made me trust her almost immediately. She seemed like she would protect me just like my mom always did so I found myself nodding.

I hadn’t seen my mom in years, Brett kept me to himself. I missed her dearly and I was only just realising that now.

She smiled at me and motioned me out of the house. My legs shook as I walked down the front steps and I limped a little. I'd had a limp since the night Brett cut my leg, putting too much weight on it caused pain to shoot all the way through my thigh.

I kept my eyes trained on the ground, I always did, I was never one for making eye contact with people.

Tara led me to a black SUV and opened the passenger side door for me. I played with my hands nervously. I never left the house without Brett. What if he came home and found me gone? This suddenly didn’t seem like a good idea.

“Uhm, I think maybe I should j-just go back inside a-actually.”

“Y/N,” she spoke softly, calmly. “You really need to get these checked out.” She motioned to my wrists.

I went to speak, to say I’d survived worse without medical attention. But I didn’t.

“Please Y/N. I promise you, he can’t hurt you anymore.” She spoke as though she could read my mind.

“You can’t promise t-things like that.” I sniffed.

She surprised me when she stepped forward and cupped my face in her hands. I whimpered a little at her touch, expecting it to hurt but her touch was gentle. Just like my mothers.

“I can promise that. I will make sure there is always one of my team with you until that son of bitch is behind bars, ok?”

And I trusted her. I didn’t trust people easily but she really was just like my mom.

“O-ok.” I agreed, had it been anyone else I would have fled back to the house. It’s not as though my home was a safe place, but I suppose it was better the devil you know.

I let Tara help me into the car. I didn’t say another word despite her trying to get me opening up. I just stared out the window and imagined how bad this would be when Brett realised I was gone.

///

I was almost through the stack of files when my phone went off alerting me to a text message.

Stella:📱 I’m ok! I’m alive! You’re out of donuts! Mwah x

I rolled my eyes with a slight chuckle as I sent a reply.

Spencer: 📲 Are you sure Stell? I left so suddenly. How are you feeling?

Stella: 📱 You know me Pony, I always bounce back. You take such good care of me ;) x

I laughed again, putting my phone back down and turning my attention back to the case files.

This was the kind of unsub we needed to get off the streets. He had gone undetected for years and now we knew who he was we had to stop him. He was violent and cruel and sick. I wanted to slap the cuffs on him myself.

Once I was finished with my files I went to refill my coffee and saw Tara and Emily talking amongst themselves. They both had concerned looks on their faces, their concern pulled me in.

“Everything ok?” I asked them as I came up beside them in the bullpen.

Emily chewed her lip while Tara sighed.

“He has a fiance.” Tara filled me in. “And she is a wreck. She was covered in her own blood when we found her but the Doctor at the hospital is certain her wounds were self-inflicted.”

“Do you want me to interview her?” I asked, trying to be helpful.

“She was terrified by the male police officers at the scene.” Emily shook her head.

“They were alpha males. I’m not a threat.”

Emily exchanged a look with Tara and I could tell they both agreed with my statement. I was far from what could be considered an alpha male, I wasn’t a threat to anyone.

“I want you both in there. She started to bond with Tara, let’s use that to our advantage.” Emily agreed. “She’s being processed right now, give it ten minutes.”

Emily took her leave while I followed Tara to the kitchen.

“Do you think he hurt her?” I asked Tara as she stopped at the coffee machine and let out a sigh.

“I think he did a lot of things to her.” She filled her mug with coffee. “She’s terrified Reid, and I mean terrified. I’ve never seen fear like it.”

“Do you think you can get her to talk?”

“I don’t know. I started getting through to her and then she shut down.” she sighed again. “I’ll see you in there, hopefully between the two of us we can get through to her.”

I nodded, watching her go. Completely forgetting about coffee my body seemed drawn to the interrogation room. I don’t know what it was, but something was calling me.

It was as though every fiber of my being was calling me to her, to a woman I didn’t even know.

Stepping behind the glass my breath caught in my throat as I watched her being photographed. She had her back to me and wore nothing but a black pair of panties.

Her skin was paler than she should have been and palid as though she had never seen the light of day. She appeared painfully malnourished, in need of a decent meal.

Her back, thighs and arms were covered in bruises, in various stages of repair. Some were purple, some green, some yellow.

I felt tears brimming in my eyes and I had no idea why. Before she even turned around, before I even saw her face, I had this feeling deep in my gut that I had to protect this woman.

It was as though my life’s purpose had suddenly appeared through a cloud of fog. Something was screaming at me, the reason I was put on this earth was her.

Slowly she turned around and I didn’t even register that she was shirtless because my eyes locked on hers in an instant, and even though she couldn’t see me, it felt as though she was looking right at me.

Her eyes were captivating, the kind of eyes that could make a grown man follow her to the ends of the earth. They were sunken with large black circles around them. I imagined what they would look like with light behind them; I wondered how long it had been since they’d had light behind them.

With each flash of the camera she flinched and each time I felt it tearing my heart a little more.

I was completely and utterly enchanted by her, which was something odd for me in itself. She reminded me of a newborn bird, fragile and vulnerable and I wanted to take her in my arms and assure her that everything would be ok.

Why, I don’t know. But I wanted to be the person to help her rebuild the puzzle pieces of her life that had been shattered by her serial killer fiance. There was something about her I was drawn to, like a moth to flame, I knew then and there that this woman was going to play a huge part in my own life. I just didn’t know yet how big a part.

Eventually CSU was done processing her and they handed her a set of grey scrubs not out of place in a prison yard, and I would know.

She took them tentatively, looking at them with large, watery eyes.

“Am I...A-am I under a-arrest?” she sniffed, her lip quivering.

“No,” the CSU tech shook her head. “But we need to process your clothes.”

“I-I need them back.”

“You’ll get them back, don’t worry.”

“I have to c-clean the blood out before it s-stains. He won’t like it if I’ve r-ruined them.” a tear rolled from her sunken eyes and I swear, in that moment, I wanted to kill the asshole who did this to her with my bare hands.

“We’ll get them back to you, don’t worry.” the CSU tech smiled softly at her before leaving the room.

As she did so, Tara appeared behind me. We let Y/N dress in the scrubs before we made our way into the room.

///

I picked at the bandages on my wrist as I sat in the chair in the small room. I wish they could have at least given me something with long sleeves to dress in.

The doctors had stitched up my wounds and bandaged me up despite my instance that it was ok, that I was ok.

Being stripped down and photographed was hell. If Brett ever found out someone had taken photographs of me nearly naked he would kill me. He was the only person that was allowed to look at my body. It was his body really. It stopped being my own a long time ago.

The door opened again and I jumped a little, a pathetic whimper leaving my chapped lips.

Tara entered with the same smile she’d given me earlier, a pitying smile. But she wasn’t alone.

I recoiled at the presence of a man in such a confined space but maybe not as much as I normally would have.

His large brown eyes were kind and oddly calming. He hung back, clearly sensing my discomfort around men, staying near the door while Tara took the seat opposite me.

“How are you feeling Y/N?” she asked me softly, making me feel like a small child.

I shrugged, still picking at the bandages.

“This is Doctor Reid,” she motioned to the man behind her.

He gave me an awkward wave and a tight lipped smile but he didn’t speak.

“Do you mind him being here?”

I looked up at him again. There was nothing immediately threatening about him. He was tall, well dressed and had slightly messy, overgrown hair. He seemed harmless I suppose so I shook my head.

“How long have you been in a relationship with Brett Hawthorne?”

I swallowed, chewing my lip and feeling nauseous at the mention of his name.

“Uhm,” croaked. “E-eleven years. Since I was s-seventeen.”

Subconsciously I started playing with the ring on my finger, twirling it around and around.

“And how long have you known he was a murderer?”

My lip quivered at the sound of that word and tears spilled from my eyes.

“I-I didn’t. I s-swear I didn’t.” I spoke through my sobs, hoping to god that they would believe me. “I had n-no idea.”

Doctor Reid stepped a little closer, his movements slow and calm as though he might scare me away if he moved too suddenly.

“How long has he been hurting you?” He spoke for the first time and his voice was like honey.

It drifted to my ears like the most beautiful score of music ever written and I was hooked on that sound in an instant. But it was his words that left a sour taste in my mouth.

“H-he doesn’t. I don’t k-know what you’re talking about. I-I did this to m-myself.” I held up my bandaged wrist, my arm shaking.

“I’m not talking about those.” Doctor Reid leant on the table, his eyes firmly on my face. I tried not to keep eye contact with him. “I’m talking about the bruises all over your body. I imagine there have been broken bones too, am I right?”

“No.” I shook my head, looking down at my hands on the table. “No, y-you’re wrong.”

“Y/N, I’m sure you’ve been conditioned to be scared of him, to think there’s no way out but I promise you he cannot hurt you anymore.” Tara spoke again.

“You don’t u-understand.” I shook my head. “He loves me. I-I’m just…I’m just…” I choked on a sob. “I’m u-useless. He has t-to keep me in l-line.”

I saw the look Tara and Doctor Reid shared. I’m not an idiot but they thought I was. They didn’t understand.

“Why do you think you are useless Y/N?” Tara asked me, concern riddled in her voice.

“Because I-I am.” I shrugged limply. “I can’t do an-anything right. I don’t even know how he p-puts up with me.” I started sobbing then, putting my head in my hands to avoid their judgmental stares.

Soon after I heard Tara’s chair scrap back and the door open and closed. When I looked back up they were gone. Leaving me to my tears.

///

“It’s Stockholm syndrome.” I shook my head sadly, my eyes fixed on the shell of a woman through the glass again.

“That poor girl has been through hell.” Tara agreed, speaking to JJ and Emily who had been watching the interview.

“How can we be sure she isn’t involved? She says she’s been with him eleven years? You can’t tell me she didn’t know something.” JJ quipped.

I spun around to face her, completely gobsmacked by what I was hearing.

“Are you serious Jennifer?” I growled at her, making her frown. “You think you can fake trauma like that?”

I’d raised my voice without actually meaning to but it suited my feelings.

In all the time I’d known JJ, I don’t think I had ever raised my voice to her, at least not like this. The indignation I was feeling inside was clearly seeping from my eyes as the three women stared at me like I’d grown a second head.

“Calm down, Spence. I was just asking.” JJ pulled a face, taking a step back from me.

“She’s petrified.” Tara added, much more calmly than me. “I really don’t think you can fake that.”

“We should put her into protective custody until her fiance is caught.” Emily decreed but I was shaking my head.

“No, that’s a terrible idea.” I lowered my voice back to its usual decibel. “She should stay here. That way I can be sure she’s safe.”

All three women raised eyebrows at me, clearly I’d grown a third head now.

“Do you know her Reid?” Emily asked me.

“No.”

“Why do you need to make sure she’s safe, Spence?” JJ sounded dubious.

I couldn’t explain it, and even if I could I’m sure they wouldn’t understand.

“I don’t know.” I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling tense under their combined gaze. “It’s this...feeling I have in my chest. Like I’m supposed to safeguard her. I don’t know, it sounds so stupid when I say it out loud. I am a man of science, not gut feelings.”

They all exchanged looks again while I looked back at her through the glass. She was looking back at me and it felt as though she could see me; as though she could see my soul laid bare.

It scared me, terrified me if truth be told. The only woman I had ever let see me, really see me had died right in front of me.

“She can stay here, but she’s your responsibility, Reid.” Emily spoke again.

I took one last look at her before I turned to Emily with a grateful smile.

“Thank you. I appreciate it. Would it be ok if I go and get her some regular clothes? She looks so…” I sighed, turning back to her again. “I know what it’s like being innocent and wearing prison scrubs. It’s dehumanising.”

Emily nodded, understanding my pain.

“Yes, that’s fine. I’ll have Garcia set her up in Morgan’s old office.”

I excused myself, giving her one last look over my shoulder.

“Dahlia,” I whispered under my breath before I took my leave.

—————————————————————

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[a-mended-pact]

Sticks and Stones - Chapter 1 [Spencer Reid x fem! Reader]

Find my masterlist here. Requests are Open.

Taglist is open, and now has an option to be tagged in this series - you can find the form here.

A/N - here is chapter 1! Both myself and @a-mended-pact are so excited for you guys to read this and we hope you love it like we do. This was all her idea, just my writing! Lyrics are from Lost Boy by Ruth B, which you can listen to here. /// indicates change of perspective. Starts in Spencer’s POV.

This fic is a slow burn. Strangers to friends to very eventual lovers. Smut to come in later chapters but you will have to bear with it!

CW: mentions of BDSM, paddling, very vague mention of penetrative sex, abusive relationship, Maeve mentions, vague hints of violence, bad language.

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WC: 3.6K

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Chapter 1 - Lost Boy

There was a time when I was alone,

Nowhere to go and no place to call home.

My only friend was the man in the moon,

And even sometimes he would go away too.

“Everything ok pretty boy?”

Morgan’s elbow in my ribs snapped me out of the dream-like state I’d been sucked into ever since we entered the building.

I took a deep breath once out on the sidewalk, relishing in the fresh air that filled my lungs.

Morgan watched me expectantly, awaiting my response. The only problem was, I wasn’t sure I had one for him.

Truth be told, I was not ok. That’s not to say that was a bad thing, far from it.

The case had taken us into the underground world of BDSM. I knew a little about the subject, but certainly nothing extensive. Morgan and I had just been to interview a Madam who owned and operated a BDSM dungeon. It was, and I quote, “a safe place for people to visit to live out their darkest fantasies without judgement or reprimand.”

Morgan had seemed completely unphased by the excursion which left me with a lot of questions, but they were soon forgotten.

The air in the dungeon had been crisp yet stale; stifling but freeing. The lighting was low and the music that hummed through speakers was instrumental and oddly calming. However the music was permeated with the sound of varying objects hitting flesh, moans and grunts and the clanking of chains. It excited me to my core.

The further we were led into the dungeon the more the air smelt of sex and sweat. Paddles, whips, chains and everything in between hung from the exposed brick walls and it was a lot, but in the best possible way.

So no I was not ok I supposed. I was going through some kind of awakening. Since Maeve’s death I felt as though I had been drowning in a sea of misery but for the first time I felt a small glint of hope. This could be my life preserver.

“Pretty Ricky?” Morgan spoke again as I stared at him, lost in thoughts.

“Huh?” I frowned, shaking my head to snap myself out of the reverie I had created.

“I know that isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.” Morgan chuckled, nodding his head back towards the building we’d just left. “I hope it didn’t freak you out too much.”

Yes because there is no way Spencer Reid could be anything other than terrified in a sex dungeon, I thought bitterly.

“I’m fine Morgan, don’t worry about me.” I walked past him then so he would see the look on my face.

Excitement. Erotic excitement, that’s all my expression could have been described as.

///

With a heavy sigh I shifted my attention from the sketchbook to the clock on the wall and the ominous ticking.

It was early afternoon, time to start preparing dinner soon.

With another sigh I closed the sketchbook on my half finished design and pushed myself up from the couch.

Brett saw my career as a flight of fancy, nothing notable or interesting. He never asked how my designs were coming along or how well my creations were selling in the little boutique shop I sold them out of.

I didn’t make much money from it but it didn’t matter because it’s what I loved to do. I was almost completely financially dependent on Brett, as well as being dependent on him in every other aspect in my life.

The truth was, I struggled to remember my life before him. Our parents had introduced us when we were teenagers and I’d belonged to him ever since.

I've worn his ring now for just under a year. It was hard to say when it started feeling like a noose. Maybe it had always felt that way, uncomfortable, heavy; suffocating. I only feared what it would feel like when we actually got married.

But I knew I couldn’t do better than him. No one would love me the way he did.

I wouldn’t have anything without him. I had long ago burnt all my bridges with my friends and family, Brett was the only companion I had. Sure he was difficult at times, hard to please, but he loved me. And I loved him.

Didn’t I?

It didn’t much matter if I did or not. I couldn’t leave, where would I go?

I felt guilty thinking such things, if he was to find out I’d even considered leaving him it would be the last thought I ever had.

I tucked my sketchbook away in my bottom drawer under a stack of magazines before making a start on dinner. It wasn’t worth the hassle to not have things in order. Life was a lot simpler if I did everything Brett asked of me and didn’t make a fuss. I didn’t want to rock the boat when this boat was the only thing keeping me afloat.

Although some days, drowning seemed like the better option.

///

“You're very quiet tonight, Pony.” Stella nudged me in the arm, talking around a mouthful of popcorn, like she often did.

“You are an animal.” I rolled my eyes. “And I’m quiet because I’m trying to watch the film.”

“You hate Tarentino.”

“I never said that.”

“You have said that on multiple occasions.”

In my peripheral vision I saw her grab the remote and pause the film.

“Seriously, what’s up with you?” she grabbed at my tie, tugging it to get my attention.

I turned and glared at her.

“Nothing.” I scoffed. “Just tired.”

“Nope. Nuh uh. Not buying. Spill Pony.” She pulled her legs up beneath her on the couch and turned her body to face me.

I’d been back in state for less than a few hours and I was exhausted if truth be told. I’d come home, just wanting to sleep, my head buzzing with thoughts of the BDSM world.

Upon dragging myself into my apartment I had found Stella, a girl of few boundaries, sitting on my couch, eating my popcorn and watching my TV. Granted I had only brought the TV for her, she spent more time in my apartment than I did and buying the TV stopped her going through my belongings and making a mess of my things.

The last straw had been when I’d come home from a case in New York to find her using my razor to shave her unmentionables.

“If you had a TV I wouldn’t have to entertain myself in other ways.”

“You call it entertaining to shave your...you know.”

“Pubes Spence, they are called pubes.”

“If I buy a TV will you stop saying pubes?”

“I’m fine Stella.” I pushed myself up from the couch and headed towards the kitchen.

I heard her leap up behind me, she was not the most graceful creature, and followed hot on my heels.

“Pony!” she yelled, chasing me and grabbing my shoulders. “You’ve never lied to me.”

I looked back at her and her large, expressive brown eyes held a hint of sadness I had never seen in them before. She was right, I never had lied to her before. Lying to Stella was a fruitless endeavor because she can see right through any lie. She would make an excellent profiler.

I didn’t know why I was trying to lie to her anyway, Stella was the least judgmental person I had ever met. She was open and honest and expected the same from others. And up until now I had been just that.

I don’t know why I was worried about telling her what was on my mind. If there was anyone in the world I could talk to about what was on my mind it was Stella.

“BDSM.” it came flying out of my mouth like a bullet from the chamber of a gun. Four letters, that was all I gave her.

Stella raised an eyebrow at me and pulled a slightly bemused face.

“Care to elaborate on that one?” She put her hand on her hip.

I sighed heavily and leant back on the kitchen counter.

“Well it first gained mainstream momentum in the nineteen forties with the popularization of pin-up girls and fetish magazines as well as the birth of the leather subculture in the gay community after World War Two.”

Stella just glared at me, so I continued.

“A recent study showed that those who partake in BDSM activities are healthier and less neurotic than those with a tamer sex life.”

She was still glaring at me. I understood why.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair.

“Fine, we had a case involving the world of BDSM. I’ve recently been feeling like something is missing. Sex with Jordan and Taylor is great and but there was just...something else I was craving anf I didn’t know what it was. Until…” I trailed off, allowing Stella to fill in the gaps.

A large amused smile played on her lips as she looked at me.

“Oh wow.” she chuckled brightly. “Wow.”

“Shut up.” I slapped her playfully in the arm.

“You want someone to pin you down and leave bruises that don’t go away?” she smirked, her eyes dark.

“Not exactly.” I chewed my lip. “I did some research on the plane. I think the thing that’s been missing...the thing I’m craving is control.”

“Oh.” her eyes somehow got darker. “You want to pin someone down and leave bruises that don’t go away?”

“I think so.” I scratched the back of my head. “Maeve’s death was completely out of my control and I think maybe I have been searching for a way to regain that control I lost. I think this might be the answer.”

Stella’s fingers were toying with my tie, running up and down the silk.

“I like this side of you, Pony.” her breath was hot on my face. “Think Jordan or Taylor will go for that?”

I shook my head without missing a beat. I’d already considered that myself.

“Well, I might know someone who could be interested in that sort of thing.” She tugged on my tie, pressing her body against mine.

“Y-you do?” I suddenly felt nervous. Sure Stella and I flirted but it had always just been friendly. Was she really getting at what I thought she was getting at?

“Hmmm.” She mumbled into my ear, her breath sending shivers down my spine.

“In the likely event that I am wrong, who did you have in mind?” I swallowed a lump that had formed in my throat.

“Oh Pony,” she laughed, grinding her hips into mine. “You know damn well who I have in mind.”

I swallowed again, this was coming out of nowhere. Five minutes ago we’d been watching a movie and now she was all over me.

“Aren’t you gay?”

She shrugged, tugging my tie again.

“I prefer women. But you Pony…you are one hot dude.”

“Oh I get it.” I laughed nervously, pulling my tie from her hold. “This is a joke. You’re joking. Good one Stella.”

I managed to break free and push past her but it only took a second for her hand to wrap around my wrist.

“I am most certainly not joking.” She stared me dead in the eyes.

I sometimes thought I knew Stella better than I knew myself and I could tell by the look she was giving me, she wasn’t joking.

I just didn’t understand. She had never shown any interest in me before so I couldn’t help but wonder, why now?

“But...I don’t understand.”

“Let me spell it out for you then.” she let go of my wrist and put her hands on her hips. “I spend my whole life being dominant and bossing people around. The idea of being someone’s sub intrigues me. And you are my best friend in the entire world. I trust you more than I have ever trusted another human being, Spence. If I was to do this with anyone, it would be someone I trusted with my life. We’d have fun right? Just picture it.”

It wasn’t too hard for me to picture it if truth be told. When Stella and I first met I had the biggest crush on her so it wouldn’t have been the first time I had pictured falling into bed with her.

She was beautiful, alluring and sultry. And she was right, BDSM was all built on trust and without that it wouldn’t work. So who better to embark on that with than my best friend? Our friendship was solid enough it could survive anything, so why not this?

“Yes.” I found myself blurting out. “Yes, let’s do it.”

She gave me a mischievous smirk.

“Perfect. It’s been a while since I got laid.”

“Uhm...how do we...start?” I frowned a little, suddenly nervous again.

“Not right now.” she shook her head. “I haven’t shaved my legs and you smell like airplane.”

“Oh.” I swallowed. “Of course not now.”

“We’ll need to have some kind of ground rules and such.” She walked past me, grabbed a soda from my fridge and headed back towards the living room.

“What kind of ground rules?”

“Things we’re willing to do, things we aren’t. A safe word and such.” she flopped back to the couch and pressed play on the remote.

“What are you doing?” I frowned at her.

“Watching the end of the movie.”

“But...aren’t we going to talk about this?”

“All in good time Pony.” she patted my knee without looking at me. “Now hush, this is my favourite part.”

///

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Tears rolled down my cheeks as the smell of burnt meat filled the house.

His gaze was heavy and terrifying. I knew what happened when he looked at me like that; it had happened all too often.

“What the fuck is this?” Brett growled and the usual fear swelled within my body.

“I-I’m so s-sorry.” I choked on my sobs. “I wanted to l-look nice for y-you. I was only in t-the other room for a s-second.” I was trembling furiously.

It was only made worse when Brett picked up the burnt tray of food and tossed it at the wall with all his might.

The noise made me whimper and cower closer to the stove. It was ringing in my ears, the fear wracked my whole body.

“You can’t do anything right!” He yelled, his voice reverberating off the walls.

When he picked up a shattered shard of the smashed plate my whole body tensed.

I pushed myself back up against the stove as though if I tried hard enough I may disappear into it all together.

Of course I had no such luck.

He advanced on me, hiking up the bottom of my dress, letting the shard softly graze the skin on my thigh.

“You are useless. Worthless.” He growled into my ear.

I closed my eyes and prayed for it to be over fast.

///

I looked at the crumpled napkins scattered over my coffee table with my best friend's absurd hand writing scrawled on them.

“What is this?” I frowned at the debris.

Stella sighed as though I should know exactly what I was looking at.

“Rules Pony. Ground rules. For us. For the thing.” she shrugged, collecting the napkins up and putting them in some kind of order only she understood.

“Ok.” I peered over her shoulder. “What do we have?”

“Rule number one, no kissing. Too intimate.”

“Agreed.” I nodded. “Number two?”

“We need a safe word.”

“Yes, good idea.” I nodded. “Like what?”

“Something to do with food.” Stella mused.

“You are always thinking about food.” I rolled my eyes with a chuckle.

“Donut? I like donuts.”

“I know you do. But no, no way.”

“Well I don’t know.” she huffed a little, clearly thinking more about donuts than the matter at hand.

We were silent for a moment and when we spoke, we spoke in unison.

“Sprinkles?”

We fell about laughing at how in sync we were. If I had any reservations about the situation, they were well and truly thwarted now.

“Sprinkles it is.” Stella laughed, turning to her next napkin. “Rule three: don’t play under the influence.”

“More for you than me.” I nudged her in the arm, we both know I’m not a big drinker.

“Rule four: we are friends first. Always friends.”

“Yes definitely.” I nodded in agreement.

“Five: communicate openly and honestly. Six: be patient, humble, open, realistic and sensitive. Seven: know how to use your tools. Eight: aftercare. That is non-negotiable.”

“Of course.” I laughed. “You know I’ll take care of you Stell. Is that all?”

“Last one: we can stop any time even in the middle of the scene. Of course we can add to these, but that’s what I came up with.”

“I think they are a good starting point. This however, is not acceptable.” I snatched the napkins from her hands before getting up from the couch and heading to my study. I heard her padding behind me.

I found an unused journal in one of the drawers and sat at the desk, spreading out her mess of napkins around me.

“Really, you need to do this now?”

“Yes.” I picked up a pen, feeling her eyes on me.

After a while Stella huffed, she could be a child when she wasn’t getting all the attention.

“I’m going to raid your fridge.”

“Why break the habit of a lifetime?” I chuckled, not looking up from the journal.

A while later once I was done writing down the rules Stella had come up with I went to look for her. I assumed I’d find her in the living room eating my food but she wasn’t there.

I frowned to myself a little carrying on through to the bedroom. When I pushed the door open, my jaw practically hit the floor.

“S-Stella…” I stammered. “W-what is this?”

Stella was sitting on my bed, back against the pillows wearing nothing but flaming red lace underwear.

“What does it look like?” she rolled her eyes at me. But then she quickly corrected herself. “Sorry, I mean...I thought this is what you would like of me...Doctor.”

“Oh.” I swallowed. “Oh. So we are...we’re doing this. Like now?”

“No time like the present.” she shrugged. “How would you like me, Doctor? I am here to serve you.”

Good god, my head was a mess already. I had to take a few breaths to remember what it was I wanted to do.

“Turn over. Take off your panties. Let me see your ass.”

“Yes Doctor.” Stella did exactly as I asked and she rolled over onto her stomach, pulling her panties off and tossing them across my room. She got on her hands and knees and stuck her ass up in the air.

It was strange how this didn’t seem strange. It was like this was exactly what we were supposed to be doing. The bond between the two of us was so strong I knew I could trust her with this new found side of me.

I should have known it wouldn’t be as easy as that.

I paddled her for a long while and she took every one of my slaps to her ass, making appreciative noises and calling me by my honorific, which was hotter than I thought it would be.

She seemed to enjoy taking the paddling as much as I was enjoying administering it.

And then it got to the sex and that’s when things got a little awkward.

We were naked on my bed, I was on top of her, pinning her hands above her head.

“You will take me without a word or with a sound. You will take everything I have to give you.” I growled at her. Stella just bit her lip and nodded at me.

I started pushing my way inside of her, trying not to focus on the fact that this was my best friend beneath me. But then she broke out of character completely and the facade came crumbling down like children’s building blocks.

“Oof,” she groaned a little. “I forgot what a real one of those feels like.”

And I couldn’t stop the laughter that erupted from my lungs as I buried my face into the crook of her neck.

“Fuck sake Stell.” I laughed, she did too. “Sprinkles. Sprinkles.” I was giggling like a child as I pulled out of her and rolled over onto my back.

The laughter consumed us for several minutes before we finally settled, turning our heads to the side on the pillows so we could look at each other.

“Well, that didn’t go as disastrously as I expected.” I shrugged.

“No, it was good! I’m sorry I ruined the moment. It’s been a long time since I was with a man.”

“Another time?”

“Another time.” Stella agreed, leaning over to kiss my cheek before she crawled under my sheet.

I got up off the bed and padded through to the bathroom, returning a few moments later.

“Turn over.” I told her, kneeling next to her on the mattress.

“What? Why?” she grumbled sleepily. “I never agreed to butt stuff. Maybe we should add that to the rules.”

I rolled my eyes with a chuckle.

“Turn over for god sake. After care is non negotiable remember? It’s ointment to help the pain.”

“Oh.” she hummed, rolling back onto her front.

I massaged the ointment into her ass cheeks with my fingertips and she made happy little humming noises into the pillow.

“You’re not going home are you?” I asked her as I fell back to the bed.

“Nope.” She snuggled further down the bed, pulling the sheets over her.

I chuckled, putting my boxers back on and sliding under too.

“Goodnight Stell.”

“G’night Pony.”

—————————————————————

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#🥹 my sweet babies

[a-mended-pact]

Sticks and Stones - Prologue UPDATED [Spencer x fem! reader]

Find my masterlist here. Requests are Open.

Taglist is open, and now has an option to be tagged in this series - you can find the form here.

So I just hit 900 Followers, like what the hell?!

So to celebrate with you wonderful people I am sharing with you a sneak peak of a new fic myself and the incredible @a-broken-pact are working on together. This is straight from her mind to my Google Docs! It is told in the first person and switches between Spencer and the reader's perspective. Please let us know what you think, it will encourage us!

Lyrics are from IDK You Yet by Alexander 23, which you can listen to here. /// indicates change of perspective. Starts in Spencer's POV.

CW: vague mentions of sex, grief, mentions of Maeve, hints at abusive relationship, mentions of Spencer being aro.

Next Chapter

WC: 2K

—————————————————————

Prologue - IDK You Yet

How can you miss someone you’ve never met?

‘Cause I need you now but I don’t know you yet.

But can you find me soon because I’m in my head?

I need you now but I don’t know you yet.

2013

The problem with grief is that it never really ends. They say you go through five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. But they don’t tell you how long each state will last.

Everyone is different. Everyone grieves at different rates and in different ways.

I certainly went through the first four stages, but I’m not sure I ever moved to the fifth.

Because how can a person just accept that the love of their life is dead?

No one has specifically said that I should have moved on by now, but it’s implied.

It’s implied in the way JJ gives me her sad eyes when we deal with a case involving someone losing their partner.

It’s implied in the way Morgan always asks, “hey pretty boy, are you dating anyone yet?”

It’s implied every day, at every available opportunity that after over a year grieving Maeve, I should be recovering better than I am.

But it wasn’t just losing the love of my life. At least Hotch had years worth of memories with Hayley that he could look back on in his darkest moments.

I didn’t have that.

The only memories I had of Maeve were from our phone calls and although the time we spent conversing was vast, it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the only memories I should have.

Over the past year or so since her death I’ve fabricated tales of what could have been our life together. I’d created a whole life with Maeve inside the walls of my own mind to compensate for the cruel fate that took her away from me before we’d actually had a chance to live them.

Maeve was like a scab I kept picking at. Just as the wound starts to heal my self-destructive nature kicks in and I have to pick and pick and pick until the scab falls off and the wound is left open again.

She is but a stitch on the tapestry of my life. She should have been the whole damn masterpiece.

“Earth to Pony?”

The voice broke through my detrimental thoughts, piercing them like a needle to flesh.

I blinked a few times, trying to refocus my thoughts to the present, and away from a fairytale future I could have had.

“Please,” I grumbled. “It’s been four years Stella. Must you still call me that?”

She smiled at me in a way she quite often did. A smile that said you know I always get my own way. And she did. Especially with me.

“Your phone’s been going off for the last five minutes. I assume it’s the BAU.”

I glanced down at the device on the bar next to my untouched glass of water. I stared at it for several long seconds. I heard Stella shuffling behind the bar.

“You know, the BAU, where you work?”

I looked back at her and she had an amused frown on her features.

“Bad guys, serial killers; that kind of stuff?”

“Thank you Stell.” I grumbled again. “I am aware.” I picked up the phone and slid it into my pocket before heaving myself up from the bar stool and onto my feet.

“You’re having a day aren’t you?” She gripped me gently by the wrist before I could vanish into thin air.

She never mentioned her by name and for that I was thankful. The pang in my chest when I heard her name out loud was enough to render me completely breathless and not in a good way.

She always simply referred to it as a day. I knew what she meant.

“I guess so.” I shrugged, easing myself out of her hold. “I should go.”

“Go do what you do best, Pony.” She grinned at me.

“One time Stella. I wore my hair in a ponytail one time.”

“And I’ll never let you forget it.” She winked at me.

“One time.” I mumbled with a roll of my eyes as I picked up my satchel and headed for the door.

“You got plans tonight? You know, presuming you aren’t getting pulled away somewhere?”

“Presuming I’m not pulled away somewhere, I’m supposed to see Jordan.”

“Rather them than Taylor.”

I heard the smirk on her voice.

“Call me later?” She called after me as I opened the door, the sunlight pooling into the bar and into my tender retinas.

“Of course.”

“Stay safe.” She blew me a kiss and I gave her a half-smile in return. It was all I had in me.

“You too Stell. You too.”

///

I smoothed down the front of my dress despite spending the last twenty minutes pressing it, just to make sure.

If there was a single wrinkle in the fabric he would see it.

I stood in my usual spot next to the laid table checking once more the cutlery I had laid out was straight.

The smell of the chicken baking in the oven filled the room and I knew that would please him. I only ever wanted to please him.

Right on cue I heard the key turning in the lock and my stomach clenched in anticipation but not a good kind.

The house was tidy. Dinner was almost ready. I was wearing one of his favourite dresses, not one of my own creations of course, he hated those.

I held my breath, hoping, praying I’d done enough.

The door opened and he stepped inside. He didn’t look at me until he’d hung his jacket and bag up by the door. I knew better than to speak until he acknowledged me.

He scrutinised the room under a heavy gaze and I still hadn’t taken a breath.

He approached me slowly, each step calculated and concise. I kept my eyes trained on the floor and awaited his assessment.

I flinched a little as he placed his hand on my cheek but if he noticed he didn’t say anything.

He cupped my face heavily, forcing my eyes up to meet his.

“What’s cooking?” He asked gruffly.

“Chicken. Your favourite.” I mumbled, barely above a whisper.

Seconds passed, long, painful seconds. Then he finally leaned forward and placed a kiss on my forehead.

“Good Doll.” He squeezed my cheek and finally I was able to let go of the air held in my lungs.

I could breathe again. For now.

Brett took himself upstairs to change and I put the finishing touches to dinner.

He bitched about his day as usual as we ate and I made noises of agreement but didn’t speak much. I never did.

After dinner he undressed me and had sex with me. I’d learnt long ago that saying I was too tired or that I wasn’t in the mood didn’t bode well so let him do what he wanted.

He tired himself out soon, showered and crawled back into bed. His skin was still wet when he stroked my hair.

I feigned sleep, I’d learnt how to make my breathing sound as though I was already sound asleep so as not to have to engage him anymore.

Somewhere along the line I lost my voice. It happened so gradually I didn’t realise it until it was too late.

Once upon a time I’d been spunky, confident and even funny. But over the years under Brett’s watchful eye I’d become a shell of myself.

Some nights, like tonight, I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs for someone to come and rescue me. Of course, my screams never made it as far as my throat, they died somewhere in my chest and went unanswered.

How can you miss someone you’ve never met? I know they are out there somewhere, the person that is going to come and take me away from this life and I crave them even though I didn’t know them yet.

Once I knew Brett was asleep, snoring away next to me like some kind of crazed lion, I let my tears silently roll down my cheeks.

“I need you now, but I don’t know you yet.” I whispered into my pillow.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but Brett Hawthorne had broken my spirit.

///

I fired off a quick text to Jordan when we reached our destination for the evening and flopped on the bed.

She was used to me cancelling plans at the last minute, my job meant that I couldn’t always guarantee when I would be in DC.

She would be fine with it and if she was in desperate need of a warm body in her bed for the night she had other options. That was the arrangement.

If truth be told, losing Maeve had changed me in ways I never even expected. Of course losing the only woman I had ever loved was going to put love and relationships on the back burner, but it had done more than that. It had changed the very fiber of how I perceived romance.

I’d always had a warped view on the matter, due to my father leaving my mother when she needed him the most. It was a magnanimous event in my life and happened right when my love map was forming. As such I had always had a slightly skewed perception towards love.

But then I’d met Maeve and all that had changed. For the first time in my life I had opened myself up to the possibility of love, the possibility of having a future with someone. I wasn’t my father, I wouldn’t leave her when times got tough; that was much was evident from the start.

She made me feel whole. She made me believe that I wasn’t the completely shattered man I had always seen myself as. But then, just like my father, she had left. It didn’t matter that her departure was out of her hands, she was still gone, and she had left my life even more ruptured than it had been before she had graced my life.

About seven months ago I met a lovely woman who I started dating, wrongly thinking I was ready for such a thing. It lasted six months before I crumbled. It wasn’t right, I didn’t have feelings for her.

Aromantic was the word I found best described it. When I can’t work something out I do extensive research and for the life of me I couldn’t work out what I was feeling, or more to the point, what I wasn’t feeling.

With Maeve, the romantic in me had died. Any hope of having a lasting relationship, a future with a woman had been taken to her grave with her.

And that’s where Jordan came in. And Taylor.

I’m still a man with certain needs. Jordan and Taylor satiated those needs when they arose, no pun intended. It was casual and they were both aware of each other and I was also aware that I was not the only man that either of them spent their time with.

It worked for me. It allowed me the release I needed without the commitment. But recently I've been craving something more.

I can’t work out what it is. At first I thought it might be companionship but I quickly shot down that thought. I have companionship in the form of my best friend Stella.

Stella and I met during the course of a case I worked on almost four years ago. She managed a local bar where a shooting occurred, killing five people. She wasn’t on shift at the time but she gave us access to security footage and also access to her infectious personality.

We stayed in touch after the case. She had a calming presence about her, one that I found myself falling into like Alice down the rabbit hole.

I’d never found it easy to talk to people, but Stella was different. Within a few months I had told her my life story, Maeve included. She understood me in a way I had never been before and I her.

But there was still something missing.

What I didn’t realise then, as I stared at the ceiling in the motel room I would call home for the next few days, was that this case might just be the answer.

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Taglist -

SAS -

@lilmrspayne96 @radtwinkie @scarletstarrs @tvandfanfic @flipperpenguins @jswessie187 @drayshadow @rem-ariiana @shemarmooresfedora @lytrc @nani-2305 @rainsong01

All ships & genres -

@muffin-cup @andiebeaword @mggsprettygirl @measure-in-pain @ptrs-prkrs @sexy-dumpster-fire @takeyourleap-of-faith @insomniacdyke @spencers-dria

SR x reader all -

@boxofsparklingmuses @frickin-bats @reidandhisgourd @ukai-hoe @dreatine @adoringanakin @amesandpineapples @goldeng1rl8 @dr-spencerr-reidd @90spumkin @battinsonn @sleepretreat @dr-spence-reid @thetiniestsupersoldier @spenxerslut@wheelsupscenehater @sunkissglow @sweetandsunny @spencereidsupremacy @bellaswanismysoulmate @manuosorioh @mcumorningstar @iamwarrenspeace @reichelhache @pinkdiamond1016 @dontcallmekittens @scroopditty @kuolonsyoja @ilovespencerreidmarryme

Other -

@rougewamchop

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@dolansaint @alfonsais @tacklemeaway @tv-obsxssed @hsbavery @mggsmismatchedsox @harrysperfectdimple @alfonsais

#not me rereading this series #it's still so good #I'm so grateful to you Scar

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I'm thinking about trying to write again...not sure about what, but something...anyone have any requests?

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🧡🌙 SEND THIS TO TEN OTHER BLOGGERS YOU THINK ARE WONDERFUL. KEEP THE GAME GOING ✨🧡🌙

Thank you. 🥰

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IMPORTANT: TUMBLR & FANFICTION

Alright kids, listen up because @staff have pulled off a corker of a hot mess and have decided to add "Community Labels". I guess they've decided we can't be trusted to add our own warnings and people can't make sensible choices with what they engage with.

But why does it matter to me?

Tumblr have made labels AN OPT IN SITUATION which means every single blog here is automatically set to hide any triggering content

If you want to continue to be able to access and read fanfiction PLEASE go into your settings and click "show" on at least the "Mature" and "Sexual Themes" labels!!

ALSO IOS USERS: there's an extra fun "Hide additional content" bit just to really try and block us from any hopes of success. Make sure you opt out of that too otherwise I think content will be blocked on the mobile app!

Attached to this post are screenshots from my settings so you guys know what to look for. I could only find it on my desktop settings and not on the mobile app (for now at least)qq

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October is such a tense month for me.. I'm so nervous. Nothing bad has happened yet but I won't feel okay until October is over.. to many deaths in my family happen in October.

#Yuki babbles🦇

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she's a 10 but she's constantly day dreaming ab a fictional man railing her.

#it's all of us #oof #spencer sister wives 🖤

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You’re right. Mm-hmm. I’m always right.

#i miss criminal minds #oh my god

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mutuals know this is me whenever i like your vent posts

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Where Passion Lies

Request: soft (early seasons) spence w/ plus!size reader. she’s been with other guys but only to feel wanted and desired. she’s not shapely like all the other plus size ppl (huge ass & boobs) and she’s insecure about her body but learning to love it. maybe it’s her first time with reid and she’s nervous but he’s such a sweetheart about it and makes sure to let her know she deserves pleasure and all that jazz.

A/N: Y’all mind if I just leave this fic here, i know it’s been a minutes 🧍🏾‍♀️but regardless, thank you for the request, anon! Sorry it took literally FOREVER to write this. Work, life and my mental health all kicked my ass but we move! I really hope you enjoy it and I hope it was worth the weight 📖💕 

Couple: Spencer Reid/Plus!size Fem!reader

Category: Smut 

Content warning: Self-degradation, slight mentions of body dysmorphia, oral sex (female receiving), mention of blowjob, unprotected sex

Word count: 4.2k

——————–

You placed the best plates you had inherited from your mom on the table. When you finally got a place of your own, she begged you to take them with you as a “good for you for moving out” gift. She said they were your great-great grandaunts and you could definitely tell with the amount of dust that had collected on it. However, with minimal choices of nice China in your cupboards, they would have to do.

You turned around to walk to your kitchen counter to grab the bag of Thai food you had ordered in. You were going to cook but you found yourself overly busy getting ready for Spencer’s arrival. You had tried on 10 different outfits before saying ‘meh’ to the one you ultimately decided on. You wanted to look sexy, desirable, and irresistible but not overdoing any three of those. It was exhausting being your worst critic, especially considering you had never cared that much about being sexualized by the male gaze.

You already knew from previous experiences with men that they found you desirable and you wanted to be desired. However, you craved more than being wanted for pleasure for a few random days here and there and it scared you. You desired to be wanted for an extended time; longer than a night or two at the bare minimum by a man who would love every part of you. 

Keep reading

#yo #it's been a while since I've read a spencer #this was oof #this scratched an itch #like jesus fucking christ