#you have to keep kids alive until they’re 23. after that everything will start to sort itself out.

[marisatomay]

the council has conferred and it has been decided that the most painful ages to happen to a person are 12, 17, 19, and 23

#source: it came to the council (me) in a dream #look. a lot of thought went into this actually and i stopped at 23 because my grandpa has a saying. #you have to keep kids alive until they’re 23. after that everything will start to sort itself out. #not that everything gets Good or even Better. just that after 23 everything is just. Less. you’re not 23 anymore. #idk it’s hard to explain if you’re not there yet.

[abominationvault]

Session 24: Sat 10 Feb 2024

BWJ is off his everything today, so Luna might have trouble putting him to bed. Baby Skabb is better this week, after a bit of a battle with a fever. Oh wait - BWJ is down, I repeat, BWJ is down. Let the adventuring commence!

Hartvig has a touch of death this week, which he announces by hacking some lung butter at us down the discord. Lemsip’ll fix it. Halo might help also.

Sprocket wants to clarify something: The idea was to get the book, let Flashbang make some changes and sneak it back, correct? Yes, so we’re one third done. But we're down one wooden guy and one dolly man. They will continue with their art installation until Flashbang has done his thing. “So please… Please quickly…” Sprocket adds, out of character.

Skabb and Flashbang are to alter the ritual, which is Primal magic. Skabb makes a Nature check: 23, and Flashbang 12. Another check, while the rest of us keep watch: Skabb 15, and a third: 18. (She’s reminded of Carol Vorderman as the DM asks for further checks.) She refrains from rage-vomiting on the book. Flashbang finishes up and hands the book back to Luna.

Sprocket has been being bathed for five or ten minutes now. The druids are dancing around him and doing drumming. He looks around and spots these:

(Top to bottom: Addled hippy, Nasty Little hippy, Shameful hippy, Smelly hippy, Smug hippy)

Luna makes a Stealth check to return the book: 19. It is returned safely, and Luna rejoins us. Flashbang says there will be more of this dancing at the festival. He will let us know when it begins so we can enjoy the fruits of our handiwork.

As soon as Luna is clear, Sprocket twitches in the druid’s hands and yells, “Get your hands off me woman!”

“You're alive, little one!” she says smugly as she sets him down. “Who are you?”

“I ain’t got to talk to no no-bathing woman. We’re leaving.”

She picks him up again. “you have some kind of magic?”

“Damn straight I do!”

“Who are you, little magical beast?”

Augustus steps forward and goes to pluck Sprocket from her hands. “You’re alive too!” she says.

Skabb, worried for Sprocket, has readied a Goblin Song about stinky hippies and starts yell-singing it from the bushes. She makes a Performance check: 16. The druid looks up. She looks back at Sprocket and asks him what the noise is. Sprocket listens. “Sounds like singin’, woman.”

“Hardly.”

“Everyone’s a critic.”

“Fine, keep your secrets. But if you are what you seem, return to the circle next time you’re in town, I may have work for you.”

Sprocket extricates himself and trots off, in not quite the direction of the singing.

Flashbang is dancing to Skabb’s horrendous singing. “Nice work!”

Skabb wants to go back into town and see the effects of her last job for Flashbang, with the diary, and we need to rest and do some shopping.

Nadia breaks off from the others to make a Tanglefoot bag and four Glue bullets, and the others find the owner of the diary. The townspeople have assumed that he’s left his diary lying around in public places where kids might find it, and are judging him for that rather than the actual contents. Everyone is gossiping about the randy mage in the bookshop. Skabb does Mr Burns steeple fingers.

Hartvig thinks he should change the name of his shop to The Randy Mage.

While we’re in town, Skabb sees a familiar face - the mayor. He approaches and asks if we’ve found anything yet. Aware that she might scupper our chances of getting a nice house, she chews her lip and says nothing. Sprocket reports the ghouls and cultists, and tells him we’re in the process of eliminating them. Are they what caused the lighthouse stuff?

They’re definitely involved, Sprocket replies, and Luna puts in about the ghost lady. She doesn’t say her name, good thing too or she'd get shushed for saying it aloud.

We have two options for a home - an old warehouse, or a smaller dilapidated house he can give us. The warehouse is somewhat nearer the marketplace and in a bit less shady of a neighbourhood. Kraken street warehouse is large and will cost more money to decorate, and that’ll be on us, but it would be a nicer house. Skabb likes the idea of shady neighbours. Crow Alley is nearer the cemetery, so we’d rather avoid that. Also, there are no neighbours in the warehouse. Skabb is sold. We could have a gym, hot tub, slug farm…

The DM sends Skabb and Nadia the floor-plan and says he will let us decide what goes where. So half slug patch, and half workshop then.

Hartvig wants to sell his scorpion venom, as he’s never used it. (it’s worth 40gp. Skabb: “Let’s find more giant scorpions!”) The casters take a look at their spells, opting for healing and light type things.

Sprocket can go to the library and do some research, or he can chat to the priests; he plumps for the latter. He has a good reputation with the temple after we dealt with the undead, so he can ask them about ghouls. After a brief moral debate, he asks them how to kill ghouls most effectively. “Regular ones and ones of a cult persuasion.” Immune to death effect, disease, paralysis, poison and unconsciousness. Negative type damage will heal them. They can eat corpses to regain HP. They carry something called ghoul fever and can paralyse you - unless you’re an elf. No specific weaknesses. Healing is bad for them, so Hartvig can just jump into the middle of them and do a big heal spell. “And it won’t hurt you guys. It’ll be nice if I hit you guys.” We can throw holy water like a bomb, that’ll do damage to them as well. They sell scrolls of healing that will hurt them, the priests say. Sprocket has a shedload of money so he buys some. 4gp for a scroll of heal, so he buys two. “Now I have three,” he says, carefully adding them to his character sheet.

“Can we buy a bunch of holy water and a super soaker?” Luna asks. “Is it cheaper by the bucket?”

Sprocket asks for five bottles of holy water. “Wait, how many are in the party? Okay, a deal on six.” He must give the priests a reason to give him a discount. “We’re ridding your town of an undead blight! Also we’re pretty cool, and I’m adorable! Uh…” Diplomacy, and he can add two. 16, for an 18 total. Alright, how about 2gp each so 12gp for six, they offer him.

“I agree, you are a credit to your people and faith.”

In arranging this deal, Sprocket has further improved his reputation with the priests.

Skabb wants to buy a Buffeting Winds scroll from Flashbang, and feed it to Grabby Cat so she can learn it. And another one of Magic Stone.

Once we all meet up again, Sprocket tells us that the hippy druid lady offered us some work. We keep that for later.

We retrace our steps - after a sleep. Ahhh, that’s better. Sprocket gives us each a vial of holy water, and he and Nadia give their healing scrolls to Hartvig and Skabb.

Jorg’ath must make a CON save - huh? He does - well, he returns from disciplining a cat (an IRL one, he hasn’t found Joto or anything) and then does it. 10… Not good. He has spent a lot of time cheek to jowl with ghouls, so he might be a little bit sick. He takes 2 (not 22!) D6’s of Negative damage, 7 total. Sprocket is trained in Medicine so he rolls that and Skabb rolls Nature. Sprocket and Nadia roll 1’s, but Skabb rolls a 26. Jorg’ath smells off. She sticks a claw in his scales - he has stage 2 ghoul fever. (Is that better than night fever, he wants to know.) He only takes half the hit points given back by healing spells and items. Well… shit. Would Goblin Fever help, Skabb asks? Like a competing virus type thing?

He’ll have to take 8 hours of downtime to get rid of it. It’ll take a while to kill him, he’d have to get to stage 6. Can he shake it off with a few good rolls, Sprocket asks? “… and a cup of tea?” Luna adds. We’d have to drag him out of here and treat him with lots of smelly mud, Skabb knows. Well, it's not all bad, there’s apparently a long list of things you’re immune to, Luna reminds him.

We go back to one of the mitflit areas to let him heal up before we press on, and he chooses Skabb as his main caregiver. Sprocket, Nadia, Hartvig and Skabb all roll medicine checks - the first 3 all roll 20s, and Hartvig’s is a crit. Skabb can add 4 to her roll as she has great support, and she rolls a 21, for 25 total! Jorg’ath rolls a Fortitude save - 28! He can add four to that on top, so now he no longer has ghoul fever. We all get a Hero Point!

(Skabb is crunching a handful of ticks that she found in Jorg'ath's scales as she worked.)

Augie rejoins us, yeah! It’s a shame we can’t bring him to town with us because he’s undead. “Perhaps if we tart him up a bit,” Hartvig suggests. “He just looks a bit peaky, he’s been ill.”

We’re in a little room just outside Velcro’s library; we head south. Jorg’ath opens the door, then another door, then we roll Initiative!

Rotting flesh heap in the middle, surrounded by ghouls. Yurck. Does Jorg’ath speak Undercommon? Nope. Skabb does, but she didn’t hear it.

“Wheee!” Shouts Augie, leaping over Jorg’ath and going straight for a ghoul cultist to bite it in the shins. “He’s got some moxie, I’ll give him that,” says Hartvig, impressed.

Jorg’ath Rages, inspired by Augie’s enthusiasm. He can add 4 instead of 2 to his Rage damage and can make it acid. “I’ll pop in the middle of these gentlemen,” he says, and stands on the pile. The flesh all seems connected, he notices. It's not a pile of humanoid corpses. Weird. 17 doesn’t hit. He Hero Points it for a 26, and 13 slashing damage plus 4 acid. Then the cultist to his left - 20 for 8 (+4) damage. Con save - 18. There is a stench in here, but he can hold his breath!

But he’s made the save and is immune.

Sprocketses! He sees one cultist being gently chewed by Augie, and has a go at Phase Bolt:

He then gives it a wash with Spout, but it makes the save. Still, Howdydoodis! Pinpoint accurate, the spout causes the insidey-bits to rupture, and exits from the eye.

Nadia can’t see anything so she runs in and stabs a ghoul with her bayonet. She hits and then makes her save versus the stink, yeah. She’s sick in her mouth a bit anyway.

Luna can shoot, but the ghoul will get a bonus to his AC. She goes for it anyway and gets a 29! That’ll do it. Second attack is a 23!

Skabb’s computer ain’t playing ball. She moves up by Luna and sits on her face, “in a non-rude way” so she can see. Does she know if any of the party are susceptible to ghoul type stuff? All of us can get ghoul fever, but Nadia won’t be paralysed as she’s half elf. Skabb can shield one of us, so she picks Jorg’ath the tank. “It pains me though.”

She takes out her slingshot and swings it around her head: 26 hits for 2 bludgeoning. She hears a wet thwack, even though they’re not technically Wet Undead.

The cultists have a go, and cast Harm on Nadia and Jorg’ath, who both get a Fortitude save (Nadia 21, Jorg’ath also good so they take half damage).

One of them moves, and casts Grim Tendrils - Jorg’ath and Nadia both save and take half damage and Persistent Bleeding (It’s up to the DM to remember about that though, so.)

Hartvig’s spell misses, even with a Hero Point, and Jorg’ath gets a Howdydoodis! I miss what he does because I’m eating cake. He does Raging Intimidation on the last one but only rolls a 12. “Well that’s upset me.”

Sprocket has Augustus cast Shield, which is Heightened. He casts a thing so he can see through Augustus’ eyes as well. Is Augustus susceptible to smells? “If he doesn’t have a nose, shall we whittle him one?” Hartvig asks, and earns himself a Hero Point.

Augustus makes a save of 16, and is Sickened 1.

Nadia moves forward and shoots, drops Alkonost and misses with Bluebird. “GET ON THE GROUND! NOW!”

Luna sneaks forward and misses, Hero Points it and hits. Her second attack misses. “Rats.”

Skabb casts Disrupt Undead. “Yeah. Disrupt your day, motherfucker.” It saves though. “Absolute wanker.” It casts Harm again, forcing another save; Luna, Skabb and Augustus do badly. From the other room we hear Sprocket go “Ow!”

Hartvig does Needle Darts again:

… aaaaand it misses again.

Augie lunges at the last cultist, mouth first, and hits with a 29. “It’s a joy to watch you work, sir,” says Hartvig.

Jorg’ath is up next, and swings his great sword for 9 slashing. Second attack misses. He tries Intimidating Prowess again and fails again to the amusement of all.

Sprocket does some measuring. Can he do Phase Bolt through the wall, and through Augie, and hit the cultist? Yes, apparently, he can, and the cover bonus is reduced by two, negating it entirely. 24 hits for a howdydoodis!

What we see is a Ray of Awful, and we’re just a bit worried for Augie, then the bolt phases out and then back in but inside the cultist, making him, quote, “aggressively dead”.

Skabb notices something written in Undercommon on the floor by the flesh pile, in spite of herself:

“Pure Flesh.”

We offer it to Augie, but he shakes his head. “Not undead.”

Is it still possessed of some mockery of life? We should burn it. Should we try to talk to it first? We could have Jor’gath intimidate it, Skabb says, laughing. She could do a nature check on it? She does that, dropping the sharp stick she was going to poke it with.

There are lots of teeth. It’s a hideous lump. Does Sprocket want to do an Arcana check? “Eurgh, not really.” He does anyway, creeping to the edge of the stink in the room. 13, and a retch. This is nothing that has been created magically.

What is it, then?

Hartvig has a go at a Religion check, and Skabb does an Occultism check. After a cursory look, it doesn’t seem undead. In a flash, Skabb realises that this is the decomposing corpse of a Gibbering Mouther - a type of Aberration. (Jorg’ath wants to do a Crafting check to try and put it back together.) Skabb thinks the cultists were worshipping the corpse.

Jorg’ath burns it with his torch.

If they’re worshipping this, is it likely that there are others down here? Not necessarily, the DM tells her.

We listen at the next door before the lizard hoofs it open. We sneak as best we can, being quiet as the ghouls can see in the dark but not necessarily hear. We all Follow the Expert, Luna, whose Sneak is 4.

Skabb hears nothing through the door. We push Luna to the front to open it. She rolls a 30 Stealth. “That’s illegal!” Jorg’ath cries. Luna gets a Hero Point.

Through the door are what look at first glance like mushrooms, but because Luna rolled so well, she can see nasty tentacles waving about. “Gross.”

It sits on a pile of dark grey soil. This seems to be a garden. We ask Augie about this. “Ghouls use them to flash-season their food.” They have flesh-rotting venom, apparently.

Fun!

Skabb and Jorg’ath roll Nature checks, while squabbling. The fungus can’t see, it uses tremor sense so Grabby Cat could fly over them for a recce. They have a reach of ten feet with the tentacles. They have a poison called Violet Rot, which enfeebles you over time. People have been known to rip off the tentacles and use them as weapons, though the poison only continues to work for about an hour.

If Jorg’ath smashes the floor with his axe, will it create a distraction allowing the rest of us to sneak through? How about a fire bomb? Skabb has a spell that lets her rain down rubble…? They are weak to fire, apparently.

Nadia knows that if someone can harvest the venom, she can preserve it with a crafting check and make Violet Venom which is quite valuable.

Hartvig could torch all three of these things with a cantrip. Skabb does Burning Hands, and they fail the save. 8 fire apiece - so 13 fire damage each, and we roll initiative. We stop there as Luna is falling asleep, and it’s better to pause here than in the middle of combat.

#dnd #pathfinder #abomination vaults #abomination vaults spoilers

[stylistiquements]

The Sorcerer pt. 1

Corpse Husband x gn!reader

Reincarnation AU | Summary :

The same candle lights up on Corpse’s desk every time you are reborn and turn 23. He has been looking for you during centuries but this time you might be closer than anticipated.  {Playlist}

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏 : 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞

You’re about to blow your 23rd candles and Corpse is about to experience the consequences of it. Somehow, something about your rebirth is different this time.

☾ Words : 6009.

☾ Warnings : angst, mention of death (only suggested and not specific), grieving, swearing 

Masterlist | Next 

What does it mean to be a sorcerer in 2021? Corpse wonders as he chooses an outfit for his black bean character, lightly tapping his fingers in a crafted rhythm against his dark wooden desk. Nothing, really. The modern days turned his kind into a groundless concept, legendary creatures at best and it’s truly a shame when you think about it.

“Alright, are you ready?” Corpse asks as he moves his mouse above the “start” button and projects everyone into a new round.

“I won’t forgive you like I did last round,” Karl warns Corpse, dash of amusement in his tone.

“Sure,” he scoffs and the devious ghost of a smile shines on his lips when the bloody word “imposter” appears above his virtual pink cat hat.

Sorcerers used to be the rulers of this world and the most famous of well-hidden secrets; no one talked about it yet everyone knew. You just had to be here, respect and adoration followed their every move. People from all horizons went out of their way to meet them in hope of witnessing a miracle.

Oh, how the tables have turned now. They didn’t have to hide their face back then and it all went the harmonious way until a certain day when their fate met a tragic outcome. The day when life took a turn for the hidden.

Corpse is somehow retired now. Maybe that’s why he started doing youtube in the first place; because the craving of being needed had to be fulfilled one way or another. Or maybe because the thrill of life has been gone for so long he had to try everything to fill the void in hope of feeling a drip of something again. The weariness of a mere life stiffened in his rib cage from time to time, preventing a proper breathing.

He could have still been able to practice his magic facelessly -he wouldn’t be the first one to do so after all- but it seems crazy, surreal even, for him to picture being so public about such a heavy little secret nowadays. He found comfort in the concealed, in the invisible so long ago.

See, that’s the most important reason why Corpse is who he is today but stopping the explanations there would be neglecting the truth. Corpse would, but I'm more honest than he is.

Somehow, he believes a little too seriously that a kid’s app was designed to ruin his life. He feels this rotting taste that burns his tongue every time he thinks about it, he always talks about it with great passion; as if one minute videos could compete against the thundering energy that travels from his veins to the tip of his fingers. Witchcraft tiktok got the last bit of his ancestral pride and that’s a damn shame.

His character ambles around the hostile corridors dipped in yellow light, looking for a prey to slice in half. He doesn’t have a plan yet but he sure knows how to improvise by now. Corpse deems that he’s rather good at it. He meets Tina in O2. She’s wandering around, running like a headless chicken. What if he took that expression a little too seriously? Alas, he can’t wrap his mind around the idea of the unforgivable and she escapes his reach. Corpse’s nose wrinkles, better luck next time.

His fictional blood thirst gets stronger when he hops inside a vent and observes Rae’s red character doing her tasks. Corpse knows what comes next, it’s inevitable. A hint of excitement and nervousness hatch on his chest.

At the same time on the other side of the country, the ones you love are carrying a big cake to your table. It seems so silly and it leaves you slightly embarrassed that people are celebrating the fact that you were born but, somehow, you can’t forbid that smile to reach your ears.

When you look at the cake, a snort escapes your control. Your friends drew a glazed picture of you but you find yourself hoping that there isn’t much resemblance between that Picasso-ish designed cake and your actual face. I mean, except for that particularity your face displays; eyes that don’t match in colors, one green and one hazel, it really just looks like a kid's doodle.

23, what a weird number. It doesn’t sit quite right with you for some reason. 22 is fine, same goes for 24 but 23 … Somehow, it feels like something is either missing or too much. You’re not too sure which one it could be.

The warmth that emanates from the candles is sweet and tickles your chin softly and everyone is singing along the most disastrous birthday wishes. You’re preparing for your wish. What could you need more? You’re a faceless horror narrator on youtube and life is just about good. I mean, there really isn’t much to complain about and that should be enough.

Your mind drifts off for a second, contemplating what the dream life could be about while one of your friends is already complaining about wax getting all over your glazed face. You could wish for material things but they come and go and their meaning is only ephemeral, maybe 23 is about getting more than that.

Ah, found it. You close your eyes. May I find the place where I truly belong. 23 candles are blown in one breath, not a bad performance.

That’s when the candle on Corpse’s desk starts shining a delicate and orange shade.

Corpse doesn’t notice it at first, too impregnated by his hunt, but when the unusual warmth finally informs him of the merry event, he wrestles to keep his mind into the game. His virtual character stands motionless for a second as he mutes his mic and takes his headphones off.

Fuck, not now please.

Somewhere, a new version of the love of his life turned 23. His mind drifts off, wandering near this idea as his eyes meet the flame.

It’s been hundreds of years and that fucking candle kept you hostage of his mind. Because Corpse couldn’t forget about you, he built those walls to provide you from slipping away, from invading too much of his busy mind. It was a compromise he made with himself so he couldn’t reach you entirely and, therefore, miss you completely. Yet, your rebirth leaks through the pores of his brain and past the fences no matter how hard he tries.

Corpse battles to breathe, he tries to get his mind back on the game but somehow his throat is already filling with a dangerously acidic concoction. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t notice immediately the way his fingers start shaking at a painstaking rhythm.

He moves his character around. Left and right. It’s mechanical and meaningless, nothing but a lost cause. Corpse clenches his grip around the mouse, hoping that the unsteadiness would pity him. How much longer can he carry that feeling? It sits on his shoulders and his chest. It tests out his patience, his own resistance to pain.

“Corpse!” Rae shouts wholeheartedly, rooting him out of his spiral. “Where are you?!”

Fuck; he has no ounce of idea of what is happening in real life, too busy going down this familiar and intimate loop once more. He swallows it all, praying that you would spare him some earned mercy. You’re always so cruel, unabashedly sneaking in and taking over his space despite all his efforts.

“I-huh- I’m in medbay, I have scan," he bluffs, hoping that no one would notice the way his voice cracks at the end.

Because if anyone did, he would have to admit that he’s not okay, that he never was and doubts that he ever will be. Just as if conceding the facts would’ve allowed him to feel how flourishing his despair was. There’s this knot inside his throat. It’s painful and he’s so tired. How many times was he left crawling on his bathroom’s floor when his heart fractured a little deeper? He misses you every fucking day but each rebirth brings back more and more longing.

He would love to abandon himself to the aching pleasure of this unsolicited reminiscence but he knows that if he did, you would possess him wholly and never give him back. You plague his mind like a mist that grows thicker and thicker on his lungs. It diffuses everywhere and intoxicates what’s left of him.

“Sure sleepy but that’s bullshit,” Tina whines. “We know it’s Corpse. He’s been sus’ the entire round!”

“He said he had scan, right?” Sean interferes, believing that Corpse is the jester. “Why don’t you give him the benefit of the doubt?”

They’re all waiting for Corpse to step in, to defend himself but he’s no longer here, too busy trying to swallow the emotions that are leaking all over the place. It gnaws him alive, piece by piece and it hurts so fucking much. Will it ever stop?

Silence is convenient, “I voted” badges get pinned on everyone’s chest. His black character falls into the lava, what an ironic metaphor.

“Sorry guys, something came up and I gotta go.” He finally says, hurry in his voice. He doesn’t try to hide it. In fact, he can’t.

“Are you s…” Rae’s voice gets cut abruptly when Corpse quits the call without further notice.

Corpse knows what’s next, when his head gets overcrowded by feelings and his heart too empty. It’s ugly, it’s messy and oh how he wishes it would be different this time.

The room is spinning from the crumbs of your sweet face and the trickle of your voice that drips through his ears as if you were still here. He clings onto that distorted and stained picture as if it was the ultimate proof that you were real. Were you even real once ? Remembering feels like repeating a word over and over again: with time, it loses its meaning. It wasn’t you he remembered, Corpse figured it out a long time ago. You weren’t there anymore.

The thought of it drives him crazy. He wishes he could get rid of that fucking candle, constant reminder of your rebirth away from him, constant reminder of the defeat he has to endure every time you turn 23 and you’re still not by his side. He has been looking for you everywhere for hundreds of years, from the biggest capitals to the most secluded parts of this world, without a single hint of your existence. You’re his greatest failure and he can’t, he won’t stand that.

Corpse grabs the candle and it collides with the floor with a thud that tangles with his raw voice. His chest moves heavily. It's scattered and in discord and there is this distorted gaze on his face when he remembers that the candle cannot be shattered. It’s this unsolicited spark of self-awareness that brings him closer to reality. Fuck. What the fuck is he doing? Corpse finally lost his damn mind. His hands wander uncontrollably in his hair and he looks around frantically for a second, trying to remember how to survive.

Corpse’s head is pressuring him, rushing him to turn off his computer and spill the words that are stuck on the back of his tongue on a piece of paper. That grip is unforgivable and unclear but he starts writing as if it was the only thing left to do, maybe it is. It feels like survival instinct at this point, it feels like the last attempt to collect the pieces of himself you left behind.

Dear you,

Happy birthday, wherever you are in this world. Another letter is about to join the pile. How many are there already? I wouldn’t know. I stopped counting since it made me sick.

As every time, I hope it’s the best birthday you have ever had. I remember the twenty-third birthday we spent together as if it were yesterday. I can no longer recall the way your eyes wrinkled under your bright smile or the sound of your echoing laughter but I do remember that warm feeling inside my chest, the pain in my cheeks from laughing with all my heart. How pleasant was it to be able to live it all with you? To be able to embrace you, to breathe you, to see you. Forgive me, my love, for I am no longer capable of picturing anything of you. I wish I could. I wish I could be haunted by a proper ghost, at least, and not just a glimpse of the range of emotions that animated me when you were by my side. All I can remember now is that you felt like a firework and that my eyes never met a prettier human. It’s so truly unfair to think about the fact that no one matters as much as you still do.

I am drifting off, am I? I always tend to do that in those letters. I hope you’re doing well, I really do. Did you spend your birthday with the ones who love you? I hope you’re happy and healthy. It’s the only important thing, or at least that’s what I have learned so far.

I hate those letters, they make me realize how lonely I am. Somehow, it feels like I’m expecting an answer that is never going to arrive.

Fuck. My skin aches from the lack of your touch. I miss you so fucking much. Just tell me what to do. I tried everything and you’re still stuck inside my brain. I’m a sorcerer for fuck’s sake, one of the most powerful beings to have ever existed and yet the concept of one single human defeats me day after day, rebirth after rebirth. I’m a fucking shame for my kind. I hate you. I love you so very much. Happy birthday.

Yours truly, Corpse Husband

The paper is stained by the storm that has been building up in Corpse's mind for hours. The letters are deformed now. Look at the mess you just made. He throws the letters away, where he can no longer see it and brings his knees to his chest, resting his head between his legs. He feels like screaming one more time but he’s choking. Sweet and sore agony grips his throat as his veins are burning with thick poison.

Don’t be fooled, Corpse would have been able to cast a spell or two to forget about your existence and spare himself a bit. Yet, it would only erase the last proof he had of you, not his feelings. He would have to bear the burden of a quest he could no longer figure out. He would be left longing for something that no longer existed. As if it wasn’t the case already. He wishes he could sleep, life would be so fucking easier if he could just fall asleep.

A few days have passed since your birthday. The thread between days and nights is thin and confusing and the candle on Corpse’s desk is still radiating with as much energy as the first day.

Corpse’s head is heavy, aching, he wonders if he could still carry it on his shoulders if he wasn’t lying on his bed. That sore body feels like it has been drained from an eagerness that has been growing for too long. Corpse groans, trying to figure out what’s sheets and blankets and what’s limbs, living up to the name he chose for himself.

Every ray of the sun is burning his skin. It leaves his body smelling like heat, he doesn't like that smell. Now, he could just get up and draw the curtains but that laziness is as weary as infiltrated. If only it could rain, maybe it would soothe his nerves and his growing migraine.

After a few minutes of silent fulminations, Corpse finally unlocks his phone and opens his texts one by one just to ignore them. He’s curled up on himself, as if a compressed version of his darkness could help in order to block the light. Sorcerers are supposed to be tied with nature, with every ray of the moon and the sun. His bond with the sun is molded, if not completely doomed to grow untie. Corpse is a sorcerer like no others and that goes without saying.

One text captures his breath and his attention, bringing back some interest into the numbness. It’s coming from you, y/n. Or at least, the “you” from this present life. The “you” who isn’t aware of the past and the “you” Corpse doesn’t know is the one he has been looking for during eternity.

In this life, the two of you aren’t close enough to be friends -and he would never let you take that role- but, by the time of your first Twitter interaction -which consisted of you tweeting emo Sykkuno with tattoo pictures and Corpse replying with a meme that said "If life is a simulation please turn it off", Corpse knew you should be near him at all time. Not too close for you to actually be able to touch him but definitely not too far. It’s peculiar but something that has to be felt, not explained; a primitive hunch so loud it couldn’t be unheard.

His mind is awake again. The plan for today, which consisted of him rotting in his bed, seems compromised right now. Corpse turns to lay on the left side of the bed, where the sheets are cooler. His brows furrow and he sighs heavily as he rubs his eyes with his thumbs.

Corpse really doesn’t know why he’d feel that way in the first place for someone like you. You always seem so organic, radiating, so free in the way you choose to exist. He envies you for being so authentic when all he can afford to do is remain hidden, where no light can really reach him if not to draw a faint shape of his being. No harsh feelings though, it’s just the way he feels about anyone who doesn’t sound fake. There is still a bit of remaining endearment in the way Corpse’s words are thrown at you, you just have to know what to look for.

Now, Corpse trades his horror narrator's advices against some social media help. Those things are bigger than him, he’s too old for that anyway. You think the way he still uses symbols as emojis is charming -no one does that anymore- but Corpse just can’t keep up with today’s slang and way of showing emotions via texts. Kids these days are just too creative with the way they express themselves.

[Hello, Mr Sorcerer, hope you’re doing good. I need your help on something.]

Huh.

He meets your words and his mind gets coated in sweat, frozen blood preventing the next heartbeat from happening. Who told you?

Corpse can’t wrap his mind around the fact that his most precious secret is being exposed with that much negligence. He can count on his fingers the number of people who are aware of his true nature, half of them are actually other magical beings of some sort. It couldn’t be a coincidence.

His head is hammered by thoughts. He thinks he’s screwed, that everyone will know. He can already foresee what is about to come. That’s why there is a bit of fear in the way his eyebrows are arching. His alerted mind screams for him to just throw his phone across the room but his fingers, covered in panic, are faster. The first text he sends is not directed to you, but to Sykkuno, his familiar.

Familiars are to sorcerers what assistants are to magicians. In short -but not limited to- a massive help.

Corpse’s link with Sykkuno transcends the law of words and thoughts. They just understand each other and the way they do, without even having to see each other, is just something that has to be witnessed once in a lifetime. It’s a sort of energy that travels through space, a special connection. It's light and invisible but leaves a warm trail on its way.

However, what doesn’t transcend their bond is the concept of time zone -which Corpse forgot about for a second. Sykkuno is probably asleep right now. Corpse’s panic takes back its race once he realizes he’s on his own and he types:

[Haha, very funny. You know, if you wanted to talk, you just had to say hi :)]

Denial, that will do the trick, right? You can’t be that persistent. Or at least that’s what Corpse hopes when he leaves his phone on an unstable balance on his forehead, waiting for an answer he hopes would spare his mind from yet another issue he has to take care of.

[I knew you’d say that but don’t worry, I promise I won’t snitch,] you reply, lips twitching under a sly smile. [I’m way too afraid of you cursing me or something.]

[Who told you shit like that anyway?]

[I just know someone.]

His expression hardens, that head keeps throbbing harder and harder by the minute. You’re so impetuous and it turns him into an impatient and choleric fog. The topic is too important, crucial and it shows how you truly have no idea what you’re talking about when you act as recklessly as you do.

[Some crazy folk told you about magic and you believed them, huh? Thought you were smarter than that.]

[Dream would be pretty upset if he knew you called him “some crazy folk”.]

Corpse stares numbly at his screen before sitting back on his bed, pulling away from his vision the curly strands that fell down. He throws a bunch of silent curses at the sun which is still attacking him, if not even more now. He types a few words but erases them in a snap, repeating the process once or twice more. Now he has to send another text, this one is for Dream : “we need to talk.”

What a weird day.

Questions, Corpse has so many of them but he can’t stop shaking his head with confusion. He had no idea you knew Dream. Why would Dream reveal something so critical as Corpse’s identity? Why would another sorcerer send you his way? That’s not how things are done unless it’s something they deem they wouldn’t be able to handle and there’s really a few things Dream wouldn’t be able to do. Corpse hesitates for second, fingers fidgeting in the air. He doubts that he would ever be capable of doing something Dream can’t do but does it really matter when, right now, you’re holding information you should never be holding in the first place?

[Feeling like trading secrets under the full moon?] You outbid. It’s always so tempting to tease Corpse when he sounds like a grumpy old man.

[A sincere fuck you.]

[That’s very rude, Mr Sorcerer.]

The way you avoid providing any sort of explanation grows in his mind like weeds that need to be ripped off. Really, from all the good timing in the world, you had to choose the worst one. But there’s the faintest hint of a smile on his lips when he does the math and realizes that, if you wanted to use that secret to your advantage, you would have done it by now. A slow relief that softens his headache. Also, Corpse is well aware that, as annoying as you can get, he can’t refuse you a thing.

[Fine, tell me what you need.]

[So I keep seeing the same number again and again and your name keeps appearing in my head at random times. Still don’t get the correlation but I know there is one. I wanna know the number’s meaning and how I can get rid of you.]

Corpse huffs, he’d like to know that himself. He’s about to laugh it off when he reads the text one more time. Something about it is mysterious enough to pique his curiosity. You mentioned his name, it bothers him. Not that he doesn’t appreciate you thinking about him but because it sounds odd enough to be something related to magic in one way or another. There’s this mix of excitement and apprehension that fills the pit of his stomach and now half of a smile is embellishing his lips. This buzzing sound in his brain, maybe it’s the final signal that he should start practicing magic again, the final signal his life will feel thrilling again.

[Call you in 5. This is a consultation by the way, I’m not doing this for free.]

[Fine, you rat.] You answer with a victorious smile.

Corpse’s words linger in the air. It’s smooth like velvet -you could almost touch it if you pictured it hard enough- and it’s soothing in some way. It’s deep mumbles and bits of light chuckles and a little magic. You’re spinning slowly on your chair, playing with strands of your hair. There’s a different tone in Corpse’s voice. He sounds tired and it’s mixed with something else you can’t really pinpoint. For the best or the worst, that, has yet to be determined.

“So.” Corpse says, bringing you back to reality. “What’s that number you were talking about?”

“Right. So, I keep seeing the number 5 everywhere. I wake up at 5:55 every morning. When my eyes are looking at the clock, it’s 5:55PM and it extends to absolutely everything.” You faintly slap your palm against your thighs in exasperation.

Corpse is silent for a moment as he tries to collect the bits of knowledge that are still hanging here and there inside his mind. As he expected, the pressure below his left eyebrow makes it hard to think. He really doesn’t get why Dream wouldn’t be able to take care of a matter that sounds so frivolous. It feels like the most important piece of the puzzle is missing , the one that makes the whole picture makes sense.

“Okay, this is not really my specialty but the number 5 is an interesting angel number.” Corpse hums. The word “specialty” echoes. Dream talked about that once and somehow, that’s how you finally realized that Corpse was, indeed, a sorcerer. Not that you wouldn’t believe the information in the first place but there’s a remarkable difference between learning and experiencing. What would be his specialty then?

Dream introduced you to this new veil a couple of months ago and you never fully believed in it before getting involved. Maybe that’s why you never talked about it to anyone. Even now, your skeptical nature always finds its way back to you. He said all sorcerers had specialties and that his was clairvoyance. You don’t really know what that means but you wouldn’t ask too much. Knowledge seems like a curse in that field, or at least that’s what you have learned from Dream’s distressed tone when he talked about the past. He always sounded like a broken record, a little out of tune, as if his soul was still partially stuck back there and maybe that’s why Corpse always sounded that way too.

“Do you believe in guardian angels?” You raise an eyebrow, high voice brimming with confusion.

“Do you?” Corpse pauses, you’re silent for a couple of seconds and he realizes that he won’t get an answer to that. “The number 5 is your guardian angel trying to tell you that things are about to change in your life. In fact, it means that the process already started.”

“You’re kinda scaring me though,” you say as you readjust your sit, nose wrinkling under an almost grimace. You don’t like it, you don’t like their world. It’s not yours, you’re only a human with a mere life and an almost mere job. Sometimes, you hate Dream for letting you on this secret you were now forced to keep. It always felt so two faced.

“You don’t have to be scared, the change is only gonna benefit you.” Corpse’s voice is soft and the way you can tell he believes in the words he is speaking is almost as surprising as reassuring. You can’t help it, you don’t like change. The unknown is called that way for a reason and maybe this reason is the explanation for why it needs to remain that way.

“Sure,” you coy. “What do I do about you? That’s what really interests me.”

He scoffs. Trust me, that’s what interests him the most as well. Yet Corpse knows no answer to that. He hesitates for a second and his eyes wander into the void. Should he let you know that he doesn’t have a clue, that it somehow scares him as much as it intrigues you? It feels like his broken sorcerer ego would crack even more if he did. Maybe he just had to find out before letting you know.

“Are you obsessed with me, y/n?” Corpse winces. Why would he have to travel through sarcasmland(™) to escape the question? His eyes go wide for a second, flickering on corners of his empty room. It’s only fair that he would tease you like you tease him, right?

“You’re just being annoying now,” you mumble, cheeks flushing in a vivid tint of pink and Corpse snorts.

Corpse almost forgot about himself for a second, about that damn candle, but it hits him once the conversation fades away and the static silence is the only thing left. So he gets up, grunts in complaint rooted out by sore muscles, turns his computer on and plays some rain sounds. The melody of droplets hitting the ground is reminding him how to breathe.

“Rain sounds, huh,” you whisper. “You like those.”

Corpse hums and the two of you are left listening to the rain. It tickles your ears pleasantly, so you close your eyes and relax in the back of your chair for a moment. It’s a beautiful disharmony if you really pay attention, just like Corpse is. You feel like the conversation is about to end, you don’t want him to hang up just yet.

“Corpse?” Your voice trails for a second and Corpse hums again. “Why did you decide to be faceless?”

“What did Dream answer to that question?” His tone is interesting, a bit higher than it probably should have been. What came up as conversation modalities turns into a piqued interest.

“He never answered me," you mumble.

“So people like you can’t take advantage of our nature in real life too,” he lies and you can tell by the half chuckle that travels with the answer.

You know you won’t get more from him, way less than you wish you did. Those faceless sorcerers always leave you hanging. They let you in on their little Hannah Montana life but never bear the consequence that is this endless and flowing well of questions. The rain rings heavily through your ears. It’s time for the call to end.

"Goodbye, Mr Sorcerer,” you sing before hanging up.

When the darkness finally surrounds Corpse, he slips into a strange place that greets him with a familiar smell; vanilla and freshly cut grass. The birds are singing. He takes a long inspiration, his body knows before he does. Corpse looks around, trying to let the image of the surrounding setting sink in.

That place seems oddly familiar, yet totally new; a kitchen made of golden wooden walls. It's decorated with an old and distinguished taste. The wooden table is dressed with a pretty blue and red tablecloth. Vases of fresh flowers displayed on parts of the kitchen, dried herbs hanging above the sink in front of the window. It’s dipped in sunlight, too bright to be real. The rays of light are swaying with the shadows of branches which are dancing outside with the wind. Corpse doesn’t mind the light for once, he even closes his eyes for a second to let every pore of his body get soaked in it. God, did he miss that place.

“Honey, I was waiting for you.”

Corpse’s heart jumps a little before clutching harder. He knows who’s here, he knows it’s his unforgettable love and the idea makes him almost want to never open his eyes again. He can feel it, the profound kindness and sweet smiles that are surrounding you like it always have and it makes his eyes burn with tears that are ready to trail down his cheek, sobs jostling inside his throat. Corpse wishes he could just cover you in embraces and kisses but he can’t, he can never do that in those dreams.

Corpse tries his hardest not to let the frustration immerse him in bitterness by controlling his breathing which could get carried away at any moment now. He finally swallows it all to look at you. There’s a significant disappointment on his face when he realizes yours is as blurry as always. He wishes he could just witness this beauty one more time. He doesn’t remember what your face looks like, you’re not real. It’s nothing but a dream and you’re not here.

“I made some cookies for you.” The ghost of you says as it points out a chair that seems to have appeared out of nowhere, inviting him to take a seat as it does the same. “Those are your favorite, remember?”

With a voice sweeter than honey, so bewitching, Corpse’s body works on its own and mimics your gestures. His eyes are frozen on your silhouette. He tries to remember the shades and colors that were once painted on your face. If only he could remember.

“Did you redecorate our kitchen?” Corpse asks as he takes a bite of the cookie.

“Did I?” Your past self wonders out loud. “It’s been so long, I can’t tell.”

The treat tastes as good as it always has, Corpse takes another bite. The silence in the kitchen is delicate, contemplative. Outside, the weather is lovely; white clouds floating above the endless and bright green meadows. Corpse tries to take everything he can from that dream, from the peacefulness he feels now deep inside, and the perfume of your skin, to the sweet voice that caresses his ears. If Corpse could stay here forever, he would.

“Why are you here, my love?” You suddenly ask, forcing Corpse’s attention which he refuses by looking away.

“I wonder if the wind is warm or cool outside, maybe I should check.”

Corpse knows what happens every time you visit his dreams : you end up asking this question, he answers and suddenly he’s alone and you vanished into thin air. The response is always the same; because I miss you. It leaves him feeling lonelier than ever, craving a presence he can no longer be blessed with. Just a little bit longer, please. He blinks rapidly to expel the few tears that are forming in his eyes, so the knot inside his throat wouldn’t become more unbearable than it already is. Corpse is left feeling so desperate and helpless.

In a precipitation he almost can't control, he gets up and walks towards the door. He just wants to feel the wind on his skin. Please, just a bit longer. Corpse is almost at the door when his eyes deform with stupor under the pressure of a hand that grabs his sleeve. His heart stops, he was never able to touch you in a dream before. What changed? There’s a moment of hesitation before his eyes travel from your hand, to your arm, to your neck, to your face and he can no longer swallow his emotions when he dives into your eyes. Your eyes, he can see them.

When Corpse wakes up, wiped out of his dream, his breath is short and sweat pearls down his forehead. He’s in a rush, he remembers something about your face, something important. He knows what to look for now; your eyes, your irises. They don’t match in color. The left is green, the right has a pretty hazel color.

☾ A/N : Welcome on this new AU my friends I’m so excited to have you here with me on this new journey! I hope you liked the first chapter. A big thank you to @moontwinkles for beta reading the chapter and being a big help 💗 How are we feeling about this? Faceless leo men being sorcerers and familiar Sykkuno??? Idk I’m a little too passionate about it. Don’t worry the next chapter won’t be as angsty as this one but I needed to express my thrist for angst lmao anyway let me know what you think! Until next time (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc)

☾ 𝑻𝑨𝑮𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻 *OPEN* : @open-minded-chip-101​ ; @lochness-butmakeitsexy​ ; @bizarrebibitch​ ; @bellomi-clarke​ ; @ladybismuth​ ; @katyasrussianaccent​ ; @satanhauntedourcats​ ; @owl-llie​ ; @teenloves​ ; @notannis​ ; @mcntsee​ ; @rottenroyalebooks​​ ; @peachdoppi​ ; @mirahg​ ; @foxxtrot-116​ ; @koi-soi​ ; @lupinpetersclearwaterodairparker ; @butterfly-skinnylegend ; @fanworrior ; @stickystrawberrysyrup ;

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[angelmavmurdock]

Our Little Secret: Part Eight - A.R.

LAST OF THE SERIES

Word count: Summary: 5 years later...

-

WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF MURDER AND SEXUAL ASSAULT (basically everything Arvin and the preacher did in the movie is touched on).

-

5 years later

"Well, y/n, your application is outstanding. We'd love for you to work here." The headteacher spoke to me from across his desk.

"Really? Wow! Thank you so much!" I beamed.

"The new school term starts in August and the kids really need a well-taught, professional, young teacher who can help them grow as children. I think you're perfect for the job."

"Thank you so much, that means a lot. I can't wait to start."

Teaching. Teaching year 1. It was my dream to work with kids and now finally after 4 years of college I could do it.

I've been living in Cincinnati since I left high school 5 years ago. I needed to get out of that town as soon as I could. Everywhere I went it would remind me of Lenora...and Arvin.

I kept in touch with Emma, though. We still chatted at least a few times a month on the phone and she told me every time how much she missed Lenora and how much she missed Arvin. Though it was easier with Lenora because she knew what had happened to her - well, not fully - but she knew that she was gone. With Arvin, she didn't know why he was gone, what he was doing or had done and if he was still even alive. I didn't tell her about what Arvin told me on our last night. I promised him I wouldn't.

But every time I called her it was like I was being set back on my journey of grief and getting over him. I was with a lovely guy called William and we've been together since my last year of college. He didn't know about Lenora or Arvin or the Russell's.

But he did come with me to my father's funeral a few months ago.

Daddy had gotten worse and worse since being in New Coal Creek. We thought he was going to get better once we got him into hospital but it didn't make a difference. And when I moved to Cincinnati, I hardly ever saw him and Ma and I's row got in between Daddy and I's relationship.

So I went to his funeral feeling like the worst daughter on the planet. And I felt as if I was losing everyone I had ever truly loved.

Will was lovely and he worked in the same position Daddy used to work at. We had a house together and we lived there comfortably. It's much like how I grew up living. A big house with no one to fill it with. We didn't even have a dog or a cat because of his allergies. We were engaged to be married and he had bought me a very expensive and big diamond ring which was nice but I had no interest in.

Of course, I accepted. But as soon as he asked me the million dollar question, the first person that popped into my head was Arvin. And then Lenora. And then Daddy.

Wedding planning was very stressful when you don't have many friends or family around to help.

And after my meeting with the headteacher I was heading into town to find my wedding dress.

I was dreading it.

Ma was coming down to help and we'd meet at the place.

I thanked the headteacher and walked out excitedly, ready to start my teaching career. I got in my car and I drove into town. The closer I got, the worse I felt. I didn't want to get a wedding dress and I didn't want to get it with Ma either.

I parked outside of the dress shop and reluctantly got out. The shop was extravagant and elegant. I dreaded going inside. But my feet took me in as my brain lusted for home.

"y/n!" Ma exclaimed, shuffling up to me, already carrying dresses in her arms.

"Ma, hi." She nearly winded me as she embraced me.

I lightly put my hands around her but she tore away quickly.

"This place is just wonderful! I've already found a few you'd look great in!"

"Ma, I'd love if I was the one who would get to pick out my own weddin' dress." I raised a brow.

She sighed, "Fine. Yes, of course. Go into the changin' rooms and I'll follow."

I rolled my eyes and walked to one of the rooms where a consultant with a pearly white smile greeted me.

"Miss y/l/n, lovely to meet you. I'm Angela and I'll be helpin' you today! Are these the dresses you'd like to try?" She chirped, referring to the dresses in my mothers arms.

I sighed, "Yes."

"Great! Come on in."

-

I stood on the podium in front of the wall-length mirror with the fourth wedding dress on. It was a column dress that fell straight down with only a slight cinch at the waist. It had long sleeves and a high neck and lace covered the bodice. It was not my style.

"You look beautiful!" Ma complimented.

"I don't like it, Ma." I shook my head, twisting and turning to look at it.

"It's your fourth dress and you haven't liked any of them."

"They're just...not my style." I sighed.

Ma rolled her eyes and stood next to me, "It's not about your style. It's about looking gorgeous on your wedding day."

I furrowed my brows, "It's my wedding dress and it's my wedding. I want to love my dress."

"Well you are not the one paying for it." She brushed over my hips.

I felt rage bubble inside of me.

"Fine. We'll take this one then." I stated with a scoff and returned to the changing room in a huff.

-

"Okay, your fitting will be next month and that's when you'll get your dress home, alright?"

"Thank you." I smiled weakly at the consultant.

"You're welcome. Have a nice day!"

We waved goodbye and began walking out the shop. I placed my white gloves on and adjusted the white hat ornamented with a flower on my curled hair. I smoothed out my white and pale blue polka-dotted dress and adjusted the sky blue belt around my waist. Ma opened the door for me and I thanked her before leaving and hearing the click of my heels on the ground.

"y/n, I won't keep you long, but...you're a woman now. You're 23, you're getting married, you live away from home, you're getting a job. You're a woman. But just because you are older, does not mean I stop being your mother. I will always be your mother whether you like it or not and you have to treat me as such." Ma said, folding her arms over her red, floral tea dress.

I took a deep breath and looked at her.

"You took away my freedom when I was a teenager and because of that, I lost time with - not only Lenora - but Arvin, too. I don't know where he is now. No one does."

Just as I was about to talk about our last night I remembered she still didn't know I snuck out.

"I lost my best friend and the love of my life in the space of weeks and you kept me locked away until there was no one left. I'll never forgive you for that." I said, my head held high.

Ma took a few seconds to process the information and then nodded.

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I had no idea. I love you, y/n. I will always love you, alright?" She held my shoulders.

I swallowed and nodded, not looking at her.

"Congratulations on your new job, honey. I'll see you soon." She leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek then turned and walked away.

I took a few deep breaths as I watched her, guilt and anger washing away gradually. Part of me didn't want to go home. I wanted to escape for a while. I didn't want to have to go back and sit alone in a huge house I didn't like and I didn't want to wait up for a phone call from Will. I wanted to be by myself. I needed to. I looked around and at my car before deciding I'd go into town for a while.

I left the car and stuffed the keys further into my handbag. I clicked down the pavement until I reached the main road of shops, leading to a lake and a park where families would walk and eat ice-cream.

It was summer, so the sun was out in full, the trees swaying in the warm breeze and the sound of a few buskers playing accompanied by the noise of town people roaming around filled the warm air.

I smiled and said good mornin' to people as I walked by, waving at a few kids and cooing at some babies. I'd never really spent much time in town. I was always working or at the house with Will. It felt good to be out and alone. I wandered around, looking in some shop windows and wishing for the dresses but deciding against it.

It wasn't until I passed a shop and briefly glanced in it that I actually stopped to look closely. I took a double take and stood in front of the window, looking up at the displayed mannequin. It was a white blouse paired with a white tennis skirt and blue ribbon tied around the neck. A fond grin grew on my face. It reminded me of high school. Though I never wore mine on my neck, I still wanted it. I never wore ribbons in my hair anymore.

I couldn't help myself but go in. I entered the seemingly quiet shop and found the nearest shop consultant.

"Hi! I love that ribbon you have on show, is it for sale?" I asked with a smile.

The woman looked almost confused, "It's a ribbon...it's for decoration?"

"Oh...well, I'd still love to buy it. Name a price." I smiled again.

She looked at me dumbfounded for a moment but then shook it off and walked to the mannequin. She untied the silk and walked back over with it, placing it into my hands.

"It's free." She smiled.

"Thank you so much. I love it." I grinned.

"Have a nice day, now."

"I will." I beamed, walking out the store.

I felt giddy with nostalgia and excitement as I pulled my hair back under my hat and tied it with the ribbon, giving it a delicate bow. I checked it in my compact mirror and smiled with joy. I felt closer to myself.

I continued walking down the road and then to the lake. I stood and leaned against the railing, watching the elegant swans float by, their white feathers contrasting beautifully against the dark blue of the water. I watched them for a while, probably for about 10 minutes before I felt a light tug on my dress.

I got a fright and looked down where a young girl was standing next to me. I immediately smiled with relief and stood back.

"Hello," I waved.

"You're very beautiful, ma'am." She complimented in a strong southern accent.

"Why thank you, Mrs." I grinned.

"Would you like some bread to feed the swans?" She offered, holding up a chunk of bread.

"I would love some. Thank you." I graciously accepted the bread, holding it in my gloved hands.

The girls' mother called her back. She looked up at me and waved.

"Bye!" She said, before running off to her mum.

I smiled and laughed a little before turning back to the swans. I broke a piece of bread off and threw it in the water. I threw some more pieces in and watched as they all swam to the food, fighting over who got what.

Once I was out of bread, I sighed, leaning against the railing by my forearms. I took in my surroundings. I looked to my left where children were playing with each other as parents stood or sat on benches, resting. A few elderly couples walked by, hand in hand, arm in arm, chatting about everything and nothing.

A girl on a pink bike caught my eye. She was gorgeous and sat atop the seat with joy and pride as she rode by. My eyes followed her as she rode behind me and kept going.

But my eyes shifted focus when she rode by someone.

Someone who looked eerily familiar.

He had brown, woven, checkered trousers on and a white dress shirt with sleeves that were rolled up to his elbows. Brown suspenders hung over his shoulders and a white vest peeked out from the unbuttoned shirt.

But the dark eyes with the brown, slicked back hair and the cigarette in his mouth gave him away.

He was already looking at me, however. Like he had been for hours. I turned slightly, feeling my heart beat rise as he threw his cigarette on the ground.

It can't be him. It's just a lookalike. It's because I've been thinking about him today. It's not him. He's not here.

He walked closer to me but stopped about 2 metres away, hands in pockets with his chest rising and falling as rapidly as mine.

I could feel my chest heave against my dress as I stared at him, trying to decipher if that was truly him or if I was just dreaming.

"y/n?" He finally said, unsure of whether I was who he thought I was.

"A-Arvin?" I whispered.

A smile began to grow on his face and I knew it was him. It was him. Arvin.

I dropped my handbag and ran towards him, throwing my arms around his neck a our bodies collided, nearly setting us back.

His arms wrapped around my waist and lifted me up, making my legs pop up. He still smelled the same and he still felt the same. He felt like home.

"I can't believe you're here." I whispered, feeling a tear fall down my face.

He placed me back on my feet and I looked at him, cupping his face with my hands. He held them, stroking my thumbs with a smile.

"Why are you here?" He asked softly.

"I-I live here. I have since...since high school." I gulped.

He raised his brows, "I've been here for four years, y/n."

My mouth dropped open, "What?!"

He grinned, his hands squeezing mine, "We've both been livin' here for four years but not ran into each other."

I stuttered, "Wh-what? How is that- oh my gosh." I laughed, bringing my hands away from his face.

"I can't believe you're here, Arvin." I gulped, my chin quivering slightly.

"I didn't think I'd ever see you again." I bit my lip, trying to stop myself from crying in public.

"Hey, shh." He brought me into him, cradling my head against his chest.

"We're here. I'm here." He said softly.

-

We decided to walk around the park to catch up which seemed both amazing but alien at the same time. We were still us but we had changed so much.

"Still wearin' ribbons I see." He grinned.

I laughed, "Don't make fun of me."

"I'm not. I always loved them." He smiled.

I blushed and looked to the ground.

"So, why Cincinnati?" Arvin asked.

I sighed, "I couldn't live there anymore after school." I gulped.

"It was just too hard. And I got accepted into college here so I decided to move."

"You'll be finished school now, right?" Arvin queried.

"Yeah. I just finished and I actually just got a job today, so." I smiled.

"That's amazin'. I'm happy for you." He grinned.

"Thank you..."

We walked in silence for a little longer than I would have hoped. But he broke it again.

"Why're you in town today, then? Considering I spend every day here and I've never seen you leads me to believe you don't come here often." He chuckled.

I nodded, "Yeah, I never get the chance too. But I was uh...I was actually in town for a dress fitting." I coughed, looking down at the floor.

"Goin' somewhere nice?" He asked.

I scoffed a laugh and looked up at him, "My wedding."

He stared at me in surprise, eyes wide and mouth open, soaking in the information.

"Y-you're engaged?" He croaked.

I nodded, removing my left glove to show the sturdy ring that sat on my finger.

"W-wow. I mean...he must be rich if you got a ring like that." He swallowed, looking down at his shoes.

"I mean...yeah, I guess." I shrugged awkwardly, putting the glove back on.

"How long have you been-"

"Uh, since last year. We met in college. He was doin' finance and Daddy actually put in a good word for him and he got his old job."

"He got your daddy's old job?" Arvin repeated.

"Yeah...yeah once uh...once he passed, they needed someone to fill his shoes so." I gulped.

Arvin stopped, "Your Dad passed? When?"

I chewed the inside of my lip, "Earlier this year."

"y/n, I am so, so sorry." He placed a hand on my arm.

"No, don't be silly. It's fine. He just never got well after he took a turn in Coal Creek." I said, beginning to walk again.

"I remember how sick he was..."

My chest fluttered. It was as if our past was an alternate universe. Like we never really lived it. It was just a different version of ourselves that did. Because now, we were here and it didn't feel the same. Not completely.

"So...should I ask how you ended up here?" I asked cautiously.

He tilted his head from side to side as if trying to figure an answer out himself.

"I don't think you'd like the details." He stated, reaching into his pocket for another cigarette.

"Did you..." I stopped, looking around us before lowering my voice.

"Did you do what you implied you would?" I asked, looking into his seemingly innocent eyes.

He inhaled some smoke and then exhaled, turning away for my sake.

"I did what I implied." He stated simply.

My stomach turned. I kept chewing my lip with nervousness, looking into his eyes. He didn't seem like a killer. He wasn't a bad person. I knew him. I knew who he was. And a murderer was not in his description.

I wanted to know about it. About him. I needed to know. So, impulsively - a word I hadn't used since our last night in Coal Creek - I invited him back with me.

"Would you come home with me? I live 15 minutes out of town and I'd really like to talk but I don't think a public park is appropriate." I said in a hushed tone.

He thought about it before nodding, "Sure."

-

The drive to my house was a little awkward. The radio played at a low hum while we sat in near silence, only the sound of the wind and other cars passing by filling the air.

"Used to be me drivin' you everywhere." Arvin commented with a chuckle.

I smiled, "Oh, how the tables have turned."

He laughed and so did I, then we resumed our mutual silence.

When we got to Will and I's estate, I drove through the gates of the house to the driveway where at the top, a large house sat - much like the one in Coal Creek.

"Our drivin' might've changed but this certainly hasn't." Arvin sighed, almost as if he was disappointed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked with a raised brow.

He shrugged, "Feels all too familiar, that's all." He said before getting out the car.

I screwed my face up at his comment but decided to let it slide. I got out of the car and locked it before following Arvin who seemed as if he knew the place, up the steps of the porch.

"Is your fiancé home?" He asked the ground, hands in pockets.

I shook my head, "He's out of town for a weekend with work."

I stuck the key into the lock of the wide, white front door and opened it. I walked inside then held it open for Arvin.

He walked in and looked around, taking in his new surroundings.

The hallway was wide and white, only paintings filling the wall space and a large staircase to the left winded up to the next floor.

"Wow...I mean, you've done well for yourself." Arvin scoffed a laugh.

"Thank you." I smiled weakly, taking my hat from my head.

He looked up at the high ceilings, appreciating the chandelier that hung above the doorway.

"Come on through. Do you want tea? Coffee?" I offered, walking down the hallway and into the open kitchen/living room area while taking my gloves off.

He walked in behind me, looking around the new room he was in before following me into the kitchen.

"How about a scotch?" He asked with a smirk.

I smiled, "That'd be appropriate, I think."

I got the crystal decanter and two glasses from the tray that sat atop the kitchen table. I poured us two glasses and then handed Arvin one. I brought the decanter with us as we migrated to the couch.

I slipped my heels off before sitting down, my dress puffing and fanning out over my lap. Arvin sat opposite me, his ankle resting on his knee comfortably.

"So..." I started.

"So." He repeated.

"I think I might have more questions about you than you do about me." I smiled weakly.

He nodded, "Probably right."

I took a deep breath before asking any questions.

"Who got Lenora pregnant?" I asked.

I thought that would be a good starting point. It was what started everything.

"Reverend Teagardin. The new preacher that came to town." Arvin answered.

My eyes widened, "What?!"

"He took Lenora - and other girls - into the woods," Arvin began to explain.

He stared at the crystal in his hands and the liquid floating inside of it. He didn't once look up at me.

"He'd make them pray before they got started and he'd take advantage of them."

"Didn't he have-"

"A wife? Yeah. But he was abusin' her at home, too." He gulped.

"Oh my god. That's horrible." I sighed, my stomach feeling uneasy.

He finally looked up at me and I could feel his curiosity burn into me.

"Do you...do you still talk to Grandma?" He asked, his voice slightly shaky.

I smiled and nodded, "Yeah. I talked to her last week."

A slight smile grew on his face with relief, "How is she?"

"She's okay. She always talks about you and Lenora. Mostly you now, though. I mean, I never told her a thing about our last night and she still doesn't know about Lenora's pregnancy. She knows just as much as when you left."

He licked his teeth and nodded, "Thanks for keepin' in touch."

"Of course. I said I would, didn't I?" I grinned.

He nodded with a smile.

"So how about you? Livin' here in this big house with a big-shot fiance. Must be nice." He quirked his brow, taking a sip of his drink.

He was trying to pry something out of me, I could feel it.

"It's good. He takes care of me and we're happy." I stated.

"It's not boring?"

"No." I lied.

He tilted his head, "I can tell when you're lyin', y/n."

I scoffed, "You haven't seen me in five years and you think you can just come back here and tell me you know me so well? Don't start with that bullshit, Arvin."

He furrowed his brows, "Are you mad at me? What did I do?"

I rolled my eyes, "You don't know me, Arvin. So don't act like you do."

I sat my glass down and swiftly stood up from the couch. He did the same.

"I might not have seen you in years but I think I know you better than anyone on this planet. Am I right?" He asked, watching as I paced up and down in front of him.

I scoffed and shook my head.

"You're tellin' me that this guy- this guy - knows you better than I do?" Arvin lifted a picture of Will and I up to demonstrate.

"Yes. He does."

"Bullshit." He spat.

"You don't get to say shit like that Arvin. You know why?" I challenged, standing close to him with my hands on my hips.

"Why?" He retorted.

"Because you left! You left to murder someone! You'd have rather been a killer livin' with guilt for the rest of your life than to be with me." I shouted.

I didn't notice how close we were until he laughed and I could feel his familiar breath on my face.

"I had to do it. That preacher was no good. And neither was that cops sister and her dirt-bag husband." He snapped.

I blinked at him in confusion.

"Wh-what do you mean the cops sister and her husband?" I asked in a soft tone.

He looked away from me and gulped.

I gasped and held my hands over my mouth, "Did- did you-"

He grabbed and held my hands, "They were gonna kill me, y/n. They would take hitchhikers and murder them to take pictures with their dead bodies. I wasn't about to be the next one."

I widened my eyes, "They did what?!"

"And then I got caught out by the cop...his sister was the wife. He followed me to Knockemstiff and tried to shoot me with a shot gun. I had to, y/n. He was gonna kill me I-"

I could see the tears and the panic in his eyes. I just reached my hands up and wrapped them around his shoulders, bringing him into my arms. His face went into my neck and I could feel tears drip onto my skin. I threaded my fingers through his hair.

"I'm a bad person, y/n. I killed four people..." He sniffed.

"Arvin, look at me." I tugged him from my neck and cupped his cheeks.

"You are not a bad person. You were just caught up in some twisted shit and you had no other way. You are a good person, Arvin." I said sincerely, feeling tears spring into my own eyes.

"I lost you because of it, though I just- I can't-" He cried.

"I know." I sniffled, feeling a tear drip down my face.

I looked at him; teary, eyes swollen and red, complexion pale. I didn't know what else to do.

"You're a good person, Arvin." I said again, leaning up on my tip-toes to kiss his cheek.

He hummed at my touch and I kissed his other cheek, "You did nothin' wrong."

I went back to his right cheek and kissed it again like I needed to feel his skin on my lips once more.

Just as I went to kiss his other cheek, he leaned forward and caught my lips with his instead.

I gasped, pulling away from his body and looking at him, touching my fingers over my lips.

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. You're an engaged woman and I-"

I launched forward, wrapping my arms around his neck and crashing my lips to his. It took a second to make sure it was real. But as his hands slid effortlessly onto my waist, I knew.

"You're the love of my life, Arvin. You always have been and always will be." I whispered, pulling away briefly.

He stared into my eyes but didn't say a word. But I knew what he was thinking. He kissed me again, our lips moved over each other's with fervour and passion, the excitement and thrill of tasting each other again for the first time in years. In too long. He felt and tasted the same but more mature and wiser.

He pushed me back by my waist until my back hit the wall. I let out a moan of surprise and pleasure. He smirked against my lips before devouring me again. His tongue slipped easily into my mouth and I hummed, fully tasting him. My fingers ran through and tugged at his hair, and his hands ran up and down my sides and my back.

His touch felt nostalgic but euphoric and in the heat of the moment, everything was perfect.

"Your lips taste amazing," He said breathlessly between sloppy kisses.

"So do yours." I replied.

He wrapped his hands around my back and skilfully unzipped my dress. It fell to the floor in a pool around my ankles. I brought my hands to his shoulders as our kiss got heavier, teasing his suspenders before sliding them off his arms. I began unbuttoning his shirt in a hurried fashion as his lips started trailing down my jaw to my neck. I was finally able to push the fabric from his shoulders and then pulling his vest over his head.

And as his hands came down to my thighs to lift me up and around his torso, and as he carried me up and into my bedroom; I knew that he was it. He was the person I was destined to be with. He was the love of my life.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

5 years later

(Play ‘That Old Feeling’ by Doris Day now)

I placed the needle carefully onto the record and turned it up.

I walked through the house and got to the porch where I looked out and saw Arvin and Jack playing catch. I stood with a grin as my husband and 4 year old played enthusiastically - the old baseball still intact and very much in use.

I crouched down and placed the 2 year old who rested on my hip, onto the ground. She wobbled slightly but quickly got up and running. She made her way to the stairs which I quickly intervened and grabbed her hand to help her down onto the soil.

"Go get Daddy, Charlotte. Go!" I laughed, pointing to Arvin.

She squealed happily and ran towards her Dad, arms flailing clumsily as she sprinted. Arvin stopped the game of catch briefly as he saw his daughter coming towards him.

"Hey princess!" He grinned, crouching to his knees and grabbing his daughter.

He lifted her up and sat her on his knee, handing her the ball.

"Throw the ball to Jack, Charlotte!" Arvin prompted, pointing to the blonde haired boy who stood confidently.

She babbled a few words and then threw the ball onto the ground. At least she attempted. I whooped and clapped as I walked over.

"Good job, baby!" I praised in a baby voice.

Arvin stood up, letting Charlotte run around with her brother for a while, the dog joining them, enthusiastically bounding around them.

"Hey, handsome." I grinned as I reached Arvin.

"Hey, beautiful." He smiled.

He wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed me, tongue briefly slipping into my mouth. I hummed in surprise and pulled away.

"Careful, Arvin or you'll be makin' another one of those tonight." I giggled.

We stood side by side, an arm wrapped around each other's back as we watched Jack attempt to play catch with his sister.

"Why don't we make another one, then?" Arvin suggested.

I looked at him with raised brows, "If you want to push one out of your ass, then by all means let's do it."

He chuckled, "I'm serious, y/n."

I turned to face him and he wrapped his arms around my waist while I played with the bottom of his hair.

"Another baby girl or boy? With a dog?" I laughed.

"Yeah...I mean it's crazy but it's our crazy." He smirked.

"Hmm, depends how nice you treat me tonight." I bit my lip.

He held back a shit-eating grin, "Oh...you're so gettin' knocked up tonight."

I gasped, smacking his chest with a laugh.

"I love you." He smiled.

"I love you, too."

"Forever?" He quipped.

"And ever." I smiled.

And we meant it.

-

A/N: oh my god. that's the mini-series done! i loved writing for Arvin it was fun with the southern dialogue and the 60s time period! i hope you all enjoyed reading as much as i enjoyed writing. If you'd like to request any one shots, head over to my instagram @tomholland1510 to request!

ALSO!! bonus points to anyone who understands the easter eggs in the kids' names! do they seem familiar? ;)

-

{Tags: @notandordinaryprincess96 @imagine-yourself-happy​}

#arvin russel #arvin russel x y/n #arvin russel fluff #arvin russel smut #arvin russel angst #arvin russel x reader #arvin russel mini series #mini series #tom holland #tom holland series #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland angst #tom holland fic #arvin russel fic #one shot #imagine #tom holland imagine #arvin russel imagine

[falcqns]

Selfish

Pairing: Post Endgame!Bucky Barnes x Barton!Reader

Summary: You and Bucky are sent on a mission to the 1950′s, and you come face to face with Steve Rogers for the first time. 

Warnings: mention of Thanos, swearing, Steve being protecting, Y/N being more protective, The Winter Soldier makes an appearance, insinuation to smut. 

A/N: We love stories based off shifting experiences lol. also it was hella exhilarating to scream and swear in America’s Ass’s face LOL. Also If there are any chronological errors with the whole Hank Pym thing, just ignore it I haven’t seen Ant Man yet

You were hiding behind an overturned desk, your gun in one hand, both batons in another. You, Bucky, and Sam had been sitting on the couch enjoying your Saturday, when it was raided by rogue S.H.I.E.L.D operatives from 1951, hell bent on preventing the avengers from forming. But, they didn't have time-space GPS’s like you guys did, so they were thrust into 2024, a year after the events of the final Thanos fight. They had held the three of you at gun point, until you threw a lamp at them, and Bucky reflected their bullets with his vibranium arm while you and Sam ran, you to your gun and batons, and Sam to get his wing suit on. A fight ensued, and everyone had eventually spread across the compound, to where you took refuge behind the overturned desk of Tony Stark. No one had touched his desk since he passed, but that changed today.

You felt someone approach from behind, and you flicked your wrist holding your batons to turn on the taser function, and went to knock out the person behind you, when you were met with Bucky, an amused look on his handsome face. He had two time-space GPS’s in his hand, and well as the bracelets that contained the suit. 

“Don’t electrocute me yet, doll,” He said, and you rolled your eyes. “We can fix this. We go back in time, we prevent them from taking the Pym Particles. It’s risky, but I see it as our only option right now. They’re not going down. We need to do something.” He whispered. 

“What about Sam?” You whispered, and Bucky looked over his shoulder. 

“I knocked a few of them out and told him to get the hell out and I had an idea. He escaped while I covered him. They won't notice anything happening because it might be minutes or hours for us, but it's seconds for them. Trust me?” He asked, and you nodded before taking the suit bracelet and the GPS he offered you, and slipping them on. You put your batons in the holster on your lower back, and your gun in its holster on your thigh. You double tapped the suit bracelet, and took a deep breath as the nanotech quickly covered your body, and head. Bucky programmed his GPS, and you programmed yours to go back to February 23, 1951. 

You looked at Bucky and nodded, before you felt the helmet covering your face, and a pull behind your navel, seconds before you entered the quantum realm. You watched as the colours of the quantum realm sped by you as you traveled, and you glanced to your side, sighing as you saw Bucky right there with you. You were nervous, but as long as he was there, you'd be fine. 

You felt a stronger pull behind your navel, and you were thrust into 1951. Luckily, the two of you landed in a supply closet, where there were janitors uniforms. You two didn't say anything while you pulled the uniforms on, and slipped out of the closet.

You two kept your heads down, determined to not get recognized while you figured out the plan. 

“So, this specific building changed considerably since before I fell off the train, but the labs are this way, just passed the offices in this coming hallway, which is where I’m guessing they put Pym’s lab and office,” He said, and you nodded. 

You two turned the corner to the office hallway, and you heard Bucky swear. You looked up at him in confusion before following his eye line and biting back a swear word. 

Peggy was standing outside her office, talking to a rather tall, broad shouldered, blonde haired man. Before you could process who it was, Peggy noticed Bucky, and her eyes widened. She exclaimed, and the blonde haired man turned around, to reveal himself as Steve Rogers. 

“B-Buck?” He said in disbelief. “What are you doing here?”

“You’re alive?” Peggy said right after. 

Bucky sighed, but the two of you walked up to the couple. You shifted so you were standing slightly behind Bucky. You had quite a few words for Steven Grant Rogers, none of them good things. 

“We’re here on a mission. We’re trying to stop 5 rogue agents from coming to 2024, and killing me, Sam, and my girlfriend Y/N.” he said, and you stepped put from behind him, giving Steve a tight lipped smile.

Steve looked over at you, and looked you in the face intently. “How did you meet Bucky?” he asked seriously.

“I met him when my dad introduced me to the remaining Avengers when we went to see Wanda after-” You were going to say ‘the Westview incident’ but didn't want to risk screwing up the timeline so you changed it slightly. “An unfortunate incident.”

He crossed his arms. “Who’s your dad?” He said, his chin tipping up slightly. 

“Clint,” You said simply, and he eyed you again, as if he didn't quite believe you, but chose to let it go, wisely. You rolled your eyes, and heard Peggy giggle, to which you gave her a smile. 

Steve turned to Bucky and dropped his arms. “Who are these agents?”

“George Peterson, Charles Collins, William White, Robert Gomez, and Paul Cox.” You said, and Bucky looked at you in confusion.

You rolled your eyes and looked at your boyfriend. “Their names were on their uniforms. Where were you looking when they had their guns pointed at our heads?” You said. “AT THE GUNS!” Bucky exclaimed and you rolled your eyes again. 

He turned back to Steve. “We need to get to Hank Pym’s lab.” He said, and Steve sighed. “What?”

“Pym’s lab hasn't been moved to this building yet, it’s still in downtown New York. Do you guys have a car?” He asked, and you scoffed. 

“Oh yeah, we had time to shove on of those in our pockets while being attacked by psycho’s.” You said, sarcastically.

Bucky looked at you. “Y/N.” 

You glanced up at him.    

“Sorry. No we did not Capsicle-OW!” You exclaimed when Bucky elbowed you in the side.

Steve sighed, and turned to Peggy. “I might be home late. Gotta help him,” he said, and Peggy gave him an understanding smile.

“It’s okay. Go help,” She said, and after they shared a kiss, Steve was leading you and Bucky out of the building.

“How’ve you been Buck?” He asked. Bucky sighed.

“Oh, y’know. Compound got rebuilt, met the love of my life, been on a few missions with her and Sam. The usual,” To which Steve chuckled.

You three reached Steve’s car a few moments later, and you climbed in the back, while Bucky sat in the passengers seat. You weren't as tall as him, and you were afraid you'd cause an accident if you put next to the literal ass of America. 

“Wait,” Steve said, pulling out of the parking lot. “How’d you get on the team,” He said to you. You rolled your eyes but answered. 

“I’m the daughter of two super soldiers, Hawkeye and Mockingbird. My mom has multiple serums, which were passed to me, and I got both their strengths, but I prefer to use batons rather than stupid ass arrows that can only be used once,” You said, crossing your arms over your chest, and slumping against the leather seats of his car. Steve nodded, and gave Bucky a look, which Bucky knew meant ‘she doesn't like me does she?’, to which Bucky gave him a look that said ‘this is her being nice to people she despises.’ Steve nodded, and focused on the road.

As the car drove into the city, you looked at how different the buildings looked. It looked exactly like the pictures you had seen, but you were in awe. There were a few skyscrapers, but they certainly didn't look the ones you were used to seeing whenever you went to New York. Bucky and Steve were talking in the front, and you blocked out the conversation to gaze at New York in a time when your father wasn't even born. 

You felt the car come to a stop moments later, and you looked up to see you were outside a bland looking building that said “Pym Technologies”. You stepped out of the car, and Bucky immediately took your hand in his. The two of you followed Steve into the building, and made it about a third of the way down one hallway before Bucky pushed you into a room, and pulling Steve with him. 

“What the f-” you started to say before Bucky covered your mouth with his vibranium hand. 

“That was them. The guys.” Bucky said, and Steve went to the door to see the guys Bucky was referring to walk down the hallway and turn right, in the direction of the offices. 

“Okay,” Steve said, turning around to face you two. “Do you have your weapons?” he asked. You unzipped the janitor suit and pointed to the gun and baton holsters on your leggings. Steve nodded, and looked to Bucky who was taking off his janitors uniform and pulled out his gun as well. 

“Okay, good.” Steve said. “Now, I left the shield at home because I barely use it, and the kids prefer to use it as a sled in the winter.” 

At the mention of his kids, you rolled you eyes again, and Steve had had it with that. 

“You keep that up and your eyes will stick,” He said, and you stuck your tongue out at him. He furrowed his eyebrows at you and spoke again. “What is your problem?” He asked, looking over at Bucky for help, who just raised his hands in defeat. He had tried many times to figure out why you had such a problem with Steve but eventually let it go and knew you would tell him when you were ready.

But, you finally decided you were ready. “My problem? What about your problem?”

Steve scoffed. “I don't think I have a problem.”

You laughed. “Oh, you don't have a problem? Do you feel any guilt, AT ALL, for leaving Bucky behind? Did you stop for one second to think about how this might effect him? He risked everything, multiple times for your stupid ass, and when the world was finally safe, at least for a while, you ditched him for a girl you kissed once? I get it, you ‘loved’ her, but she had her own life, her own husband, and everything. You left Bucky with Sam. THEY BARELY GET ALONG! I’m not saying you should have taken him with you, because then I wouldn't have met him. I’m saying that you should have stayed. You could've gotten with Sharon, gotten married and had a few kids with her. Instead, you chose to say ‘fuck it’ and abandon Bucky when he needed you most. And believe me, I know Sharon isn't Peggy, but you liked her as well. It’s called a compromise. Also, don't you think it's pretty shitty that Bucky DIED FOR YOU, came back to life, walked through a goddamned portal, fought aliens with a gun, all without a break, and you didn't have the fucking decency to talk to him, at least once before the fight was over? For the greatest soldier in history, you sure are pretty fucking selfish.” You stated, and walked out the door with your batons in hand without a second look.

“Wow.” Bucky said, looking at Steve. Steve just shook his head and motioned for Bucky to follow you. 

“Follow her and help. I gotta find something to fight with,” He said, looking around him. Bucky nodded, and walked out. He raced to catch up with you, and saw the men huddled together in a conference room, probably planning what to do next. He pulled you to the side before you reached the room to talk to you. 

He pulled out into a little alcove in between the offices, and pressed his forehead against yours. “Baby,” He breathed out, and looked up at you when you sniffed. “What’s wrong?”

“I couldn't let him sit there and think that what he did was okay. It wasn't. he left you when you needed him most. After he came out of the ice and found out you were still alive, his main goal was to find you, and save you. But when he finally gets the ‘big defeat’ he wanted with Red Skull but didn't, he immediately abandons you for Peggy? Nothing against her, she seems nice I just hate his guts for putting you through all of that and I know you’re gonna say that I shouldn’-,” Bucky cut off your rambling with a kiss. He pulled away and smiled at you.

“He needed to hear it. Now, let’s finish our mission so we can get back to 2024, and finish The Sound of Music because I really wanna know how the Von Trapps escape Austria.” he said, making you smile, your grip on your batons tightening. The door to the conference room opened just as Steve was coming around the corner, a shield slightly smaller than his own in his hand. He pressed back against the same wall you and Bucky were pressed against.

“Looks like they're trying to recreate everything about me,” Steve said, and Bucky chuckled. He glanced down the hallway, and saw it deserted. The 5 men continued down the opposite direction, towards the labs. 

“Y/N, corner them. Steve, go around to the opposite hallway and block off the exit there. I’ll do the same with the opposite exit. After that, we should be good, and we can fight them, and hopefully stop them.” Bucky said, and Steve nodded. 

“How do you know so much about this building?” You asked, and Bucky blushed. 

“The Soldier has more than one mission that involved breaking into Pym Industries,” he said. “Now let’s do this.”

“Didn't think you were one for leading,” Steve said, tightening the shield just before he walked off. 

“Yeah well, sometimes you have to step put when it comes to Sam Wilson.” You said, walking off. You pressed your back to the wall before turning the corner, giving Steve and Bucky time to get into position. 

Through the reflection on the mirrored ceiling, you saw the men come face to face with Steve, and turn around and head the other way. They passed by you without a glance, only to be faced with Bucky, who had ripped the sleeve off his metal arm. You heard them swear. 

“Fuck. He’s The Winter Soldier.” one of them said, and when you glanced up at the ceiling again, you saw Steve charging at them, Bucky following seconds later.

The men realized what was happening, and turned around to escape down the hallway where you were, and you flicked your wrists to turn on the taser function on your batons, and hitting an agent in the head.

He fell to the ground and you kicked him in the face for good measure. You looked up and saw Bucky in a chokehold by an agent with his back to you. You stood up and ran towards him. You planted the batons on either side of the agents neck and watched as his whole body convulsed, releasing Bucky. He turned around and swore. He pulled you off to the side and let Steve keep fighting.

“W-What are you doing?” You asked. 

“Theres more rogue agents coming. I need you to bring out The Winter Soldier.” He stated. Your eyes widened.

“Shuri got rid of him.” 

Bucky shook his head. “Remember when you went on vacation with your dad, stepmom and the kids and I visited T’Challa?” You nodded. “Well, it wasn't to see the Wakandan kids like I said. I went to Shuri and I asked her to put a version of him back inside. I can take down and kill people, but YOU are the only one who can control me. I won’t hurt you, or Steve, I’ll know who you are, but you need to say my trigger words. I know you know what they are. I fight, you and Steve get to the lab, take the Pym Particles and run,” He said, glancing back at Steve, who was holding his own fairly well against multiple agents.

You nodded. “Fine. But I don't like that you lied to me, and we will be talking about this when we get back.” You stated, and Bucky nodded.

You cleared your throat, and started speaking. “Longing, Rusted, Seventeen, Daybreak, Furnace, Nine, Benign, Homecoming, One, Freight Car,” You said in Russian. 

Bucky became very stiff, his eyes shutting. His whole body spasmed, and his eyes opened, brown eyes replacing his steel blue. 

“Ready to comply,” He answered, and you gave him his orders. 

“Take down anyone who gets in our teams way,” You said, and the Soldier nodded before rejoining Steve to fight, with him, instead of against him.

You ran back to Steve and him and watched as the Soldier took down agent after agent with no difficulty. Steve’s mouth dropped open as he stood and watched. “What did you say to him?” He asked, and you smiled.

“I brought out the Soldier. Now, let’s finish this,” You said, allowing Steve to lead the way.

You two ran down the hall and turned to corner. “I thought Shuri got rid of him,” He said as the two of you continued running.

You glanced behind you before answering. “She took one Soldier out and put a different one in,” You said, and the two of you skidded to a stop when you came face to face with the Pym Particles storage room. 

“I know Hank only keeps a certain amount here, but no one but me and him know that at this point in time. Let’s go in, grab them, and destroy them. I’ll take the blame for it but I couldn't give less of a shit,” Steve said, and the two of you burst in the room. 

There were only 10 vials of Pym Particles, each of you grabbing 5. You ran out of the room, and back the way you came. You made it to the hallway where the Soldier was still fighting.

“SOLDAT!” You shouted. He stopped and turned to look at you. “Let’s go!”

He nodded and ran towards you. Steve burst through the door, and the three of you ran towards Steve’s car. The three of you hopped in, Bucky and you in the back, Steve in the drivers seat and speeding away. 

“D-do you know how to get Bucky back?” You asked Steve. He looked at you.

“Remind him who he is. That’s the only thing that worked for me, but this Winter Soldier programming is different.” 

“Wouldn't hurt to try,” You said, and took Bucky’s hand in your own. “Bucky, look at me,” The Soldier turned to you. “You’re James Buchanan Barnes. You were born March 10, 1917. Your best friend is Steve Rogers. Y/N Y/L/N is your girlfriend. Your favourite food is plums. You absolutely despise Sam Wilson,” You said, and watched as he came back to himself slowly. Steve cackled at the last part, before pulling into an abandoned parking lot.

“We gotta destroy these particles,” You said, looking down at them resting in your lap. 

“That’s what we’re doing. Take these,” He said, handing you the rest of the particles. “And put them on the ground in front of my car. We’re gonna run them over.” You nodded, took the vials out of his hand and hopping out of the car. You placed them on the ground and got back in. 

Bucky groaned, just as Steve accelerated, and ran the vials over, a satisfying crunching noise coming from under the tires. You turned and gave him a smile. He groaned again, and buried his head in your neck. Steve chuckled and turned the car around to head back. 

He glanced at the time on his watch. “Theres no point in going back to Lehigh, Peggy’s at home now. Where do you guys want to go to head back?” He asked, and Bucky pointed towards a small clump of trees in a park. Steve nodded, and pulled over. 

You walked up to Steve while Bucky got his tired body out of the car. “Thank you for helping us. I’m sorry for what I said.” You admitted, and Steve smiled.

“Don’t be. I needed to hear it. I was incredibly selfish, and I should have stayed with him. But, thank you for helping him.” He said, and you nodded. He gave you a hug, and you walked towards the trees to allow Bucky and Steve to say goodbye. They talked a little, shared a laugh, and hugged. Steve walked over to where you were standing. 

“Come back whenever you guys want to. I’d visit you, but that’s not my time anymore. Plus I don't have a suit or a GPS. I’d probably end up in the Sokovia fight again if I tried.” He said, and you and Bucky laughed. 

“We will. I know the fairs coming up soon, so maybe we’ll come back then?” Bucky asked and Steve nodded. They shared a smile again, and Steve watched as the two of you tapped your bracelets, the nanotech covered you and programmed your GPS’s. You waved at Steve, and he waved back. Bucky nodded at him, which Steve returned at the two of you locked eyes as you felt that familiar pull behind your navel, and your were thrust into the quantum realm again. 

You returned to 2024 seconds later, and glanced around at the untouched compound, and Tony’s desk, which was completely fine. Bucky looked around in confusion.

“What happened? Wasn’t it only a few seconds here? Why is everything fixed?” Bucky asked and you smiled.

“The chronological timeline where we were attacked was erased by us when we destroyed the particles, so the attack never happened.” 

Bucky nodded, before scooping you up and carrying you into the living room. “Good. Now, let’s finish the movie, and maybe have a quickie before Sam gets back.” Bucky said, sitting on the couch, and lifting your shirt over your head. 

You laughed, but agreed. “Sounds like a plan.” 

#Bucky Barnes #mcu bucky barnes #bucky barns fanfiction #bucky barnes smut #Steve Rogers #Steve rogers is an asshole #steve rogers imagine #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #the white wolf #the winter soldier x reader #The Avengers #the falcon and the winter soldier #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x female reader

[rynnaaurelius]

Titan’s Curse But Make It Time Loop: Nico di Angelo Edition

-Okay so I’m at work and not doing much and who wants to actually edit your shit drafts for your actual WIPs so that they’re less bad? No one, that’s who

-So I had an idea: The Titan’s Curse. Also known as the book where people start to die. It sucks to be a demigod in this book--for the first time in the original series, it really does.

-Not everything is fixed, not everyone is saved, and people start to have to make really tough decisions.

-So we fix it. Not by throwing Percy, or Annabeth, or Thalia, or, hell, even Bianca or Grover into the mix.

-Throwing the marginally more grown-up, more trained, and more knowledgeable demigods into the fire, who’d get everyone alive and safe by the third time ‘round? Nah.

-We’re making Nico fix this.

-Because here’s the thing about Nico di Angelo: Sure, he grows up to become a major badass, the Ghost King, so on and so forth. But not yet.

-For now, Nico is baby, a ten-year-old whose experience with any kind of fighting consists of one (1) Capture The Flag game and who’s still half-reliant on Mythomagic to explain what the fuck is happening.

-He’s also got the worst knowledge makeup possible! He knows he’s a son of Hades, which is bad, he knows to stick monsters with the pointy end of swords but nothing else, he knows that Percy Jackson and Thalia Grace are Very Big Deals (But also doesn’t know why beyond parents), and he’s, at best, vaguely aware that there’s some kind of bad prophecy hanging around.

-Also by the end of the book, he’s just been told his last immediate family who isn’t Hades is dead in one of the worst ways possible, and he--pretty irrationally IMO, but Nico’s a kid who has been through a lot recently, so we’re not holding that against him--blames Percy Jackson.

-Literally, you probably can’t pick an angstier or worse choice to run through the time travel trope. I love it.

-We’re making this kid save Bianca’s life via time loop, which happens due to. . .hmm, we’ll say the Fates did it.

-So, Loop 0 = Canon, only at the end of the day on December 21st, after the conversation with Percy, Nico falls asleep only gods know where only to wake up the day he meets Percy Jackson:

Loop 1:

-Nico doesn’t actually change anything meaningful at first.

-Spends most of it shellshocked and not unconvinced the last week (For him, anyway) wasn’t a horrible nightmare; shellshocked and staring at Percy Jackson, anyway.

-(Percy’s wondering what’s up with the silent kid his sister had talked up as a cheerful chatterbox)

-It’s only when Bianca agrees to join the quest for Artemis that he starts kicking up a fuss; demanding to go, screaming that she can’t leave him even more, not again.

-(Bianca hesitates; briefly, enough to remind Nico that she loves him. But she’s not their mother, and she needs this)

-Bianca still dies. Percy comes back pale and guilty. Nico doesn’t yell at him when he returns--he already knows. He accepts the Hades figurine so that he can throw it into the lake.

-He slinks off back into Cabin Eleven and falls asleep, hoping desperately that he gets a third chance.

Loop 2:

-He does.

Loop 3:

-After a very painful death at the hands of Dr. Thorn, Nico, generally being a straightforward person at this stage of life, takes the obvious path this time around: He tries to tell Bianca--who brushes it off as a dream.

-Annabeth still goes over the cliff when Nico takes the initiative of attaching himself and his sister to Percy Jackson and Thalia Grace at the dance. He tries to tell Percy and Thalia when Bianca still joins the Hunt, promising Nico that whatever he saw, she’ll be extra careful.

-(Bianca’s fearful of what Nico's saying, and thinks that if these sworn sisters can’t keep her safe, who can?)

-Artemis gives Nico a speculative look but agrees when he begs her to protect Bianca at all costs.

-He doesn’t get on the quest. Being a reasonable demigod of questionable parentage, he sneaks out of camp.

-He gets caught, because despite being aware of his awesome new powers, he doesn’t know how to use them, and is still a ten-year-old who can barely hold a sword the right way.

-He gives Percy the puppy dog eyes and shows off said awesome new powers. Percy forces him back.

-Nico follows him.

-Repeat until Percy dies saving Nico from the Nemean Lion in Washington, DC.

-Nico can’t find it in himself to be terribly sad--especially when he doesn’t make it much longer.

Loop 4:

-He’s really stuck like this, huh?

-Oh, Di Immortales.

-(Before Percy gets his chest ripped to shreds by a lion and Nico meets skeleton cats, he learned how to hold a sword properly and curse fluently in Greek. Percy probably only meant to teach him one of those things)

-In unrelated news: Having a big crush on a guy who thinks he’s only known you for a couple hours? Terrible.

-Trying to hate the guy who let your sister die when he’s that stupid and nice? Even worse.

-That stupid lion.

Loop 5, 6, 7, 8, 9:

-Nico repeats: That stupid lion.

-Somewhere in Loop 7 he starts to steal supplies out of the camp store when he follows Percy following the quest.

-They forcefeed the lion enough trail mix and frozen ice cream in Loop 9 that they don’t die this time.

-At least until someone called the General shows up and Nico’s dead before he can raise his sword.

Loop 10:

-Nico wakes up in his and Bianca’s room in Westover and starts crying. Bianca tells the headmaster they’re both sick and Nico lets her hold him all day.

-They fall asleep and Nico swears he won’t let her die again.

Loop 11, 12, 13:

-He wakes up and he still can’t get out of bed without feeling that blade cutting between his ribs, burning like it’s on fire.

-Gods, he’s so sorry, Bianca. Dispiace tanto.

Loop 14:

-He can get up without feeling like he’s about to die again. Bianca fusses but assumes it was just a bad dream.

-Nico is caught stealing and can’t follow Percy until it’s too late.

-Everyone assumes this means he’s a son of Hermes, however, and Nico can’t correct them without opening his mouth and letting the sobbing laughter out.

-Figuring he’s about to get another chance next round anyway, he takes Travis and Connor Stoll up on their offer to learn a thing or two so that he doesn’t get Cabin Eleven slapped with kitchen duty from now until Doomsday.

-He likes the Stolls. He spent most of the time, pre-looping, actively avoiding everyone at camp as he waited for Bianca and Percy to come back, but they’re not that bad.

-Percy comes back with the figurine and no sister and Nico remembers why he’s stuck.

Loop 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23:

-After Loop 12 and being killed in Washington DC again, Nico realizes: He needs to learn how to fight.

-Unless he gets killed early or refuses to leave Westover, the loop resets after seven days. So, he has seven days to train each time.

-He gets to camp, finds the arena, and meets Clarisse La Rue. He demands she teach him how to kill monsters.

-She laughs, and tells him that attitude in his size will make monsters easy to kill, they’ll laugh so hard.

-Clarisse teaches him how to swing a sword each time--but only after mocking his unamused face.

-Somehow, Percy coming back with news of Bianca’s death only hurts more each time.

Loop 24:

-Nico wakes up before Bianca this time. He looks over at her bed and knows. He’s got to try this time.

-It’s disturbingly easy making friends with Percy Jackson after the last loops.

-Bessie’s new. Cute, but new.

-Nico wonders just how much he’s missed in the past--he thinks of Annabeth Chase, and hopes she hasn’t been dying each time.

-Percy doesn’t even argue when Nico shows up in the stables with a bag slung over his shoulder, and the sword he’s been stealing out of the shed strapped to his hip.

-Nico suggests the ice cream--again--to Percy in DC before

-Nico might be getting the hang of this.

Loop 25:

-Nico is not getting the hang of this.

-Zoë Nightshade’s refusal to accept Percy and Nico on the quest--violating a prophecy, and gods, Nico’s curious if that prophecy ever mentioned this--has so far gotten them attacked and killed by spartoi once.

-And again. As Nico bleeds out on the floor, he watches a panicked blond man--a demigod--plead for mercy.

-Isn’t he on the other side?

Loop 26:

-His name is Luke Castellan and he apparently wants the gods dead.

-Nico can relate at this point.

-The General is Atlas, and Nico knows enough about Greek mythology, real and wrong, at this point to know that is bad.

Loop 27:

-Twenty-six tries, but they finally make it out of DC. Threatening the questers with Atlas killing them all is more than enough.

-For the first time, Nico doesn’t know what happens next. He glues himself to Bianca’s side and glares at anything suspicious.

-With help that Percy refuses to name, even when Nico tries his hardest, they go to New Mexico.

-There’s a boar and it’s so close, they make it to what the others are calling “the junkyard of the gods”.

-Nico sees the Hades figurine on the ground.

-Bianca grins in delight and picks it up, calling for him.

-He can’t help it.

-Nico starts screaming.

Loop 28:

-His sister’s murderer was never Percy Jackson.

-His sister’s murderer was a force of mechanics that makes Nico fully understand, for the first time, what the gods are, beyond stats on a card.

-Talos.

-Nico is going to destroy him.

Loop 29:

-She dies.

Loop 30:

-Again.

Loop 31:

-Again.

-Loop 32, 33, 34, 3536373839FortyFo r t y O n  e--:

-Again. Again. Again. Again again againagainagainagainAGAIN--

Loop 42:

-Nico gets out of bed. He finds Percy Jackson at the dance, hugs him, and tells him he’s sorry.

-Nico walks outside and waits for Dr. Thorn in the snow. He can feel the shadows curling at the edge of the wood like a sixth sense, now. Waiting for him to summon the restless dead out of them.

-So many attempts to save his sister, ranging from sacrificing himself to sacrificing Percy--not that Percy needs the push, Nico has found--to any and all members of the quest.

-She dies. Always, always dies. Whatever Nico does, that junkyard is full of the death of Bianca di Angelo.

-He tried avoiding it. Once. Loop 33. Nico threw such a fit he’s surprised he wasn’t sent back to Camp Half-Blood by the Hunters, but it kept them out of the junkyard.

-He tries not to remember how little was left of his sister’s body by the monsters that time.

-Son of Hades. After all this time, Nico’s beginning to wonder if this is what it means. Death and death and death.

-Dr. Thorn walks outside, and Nico can feel a ghoulish grin crossing his face that has no place on a ten-year-old.

-One of them is going to die, this loop. And Nico will not go to New Mexico.

Loop 43:

-Nico wonders if there was a past life of his he needs to remember. Who could he have made this angry?

-He lies to Bianca and they stay in Westover again this time. Better than death, anyway.

Loop 44:

-Nico tries a different tack this time. A more roundabout way of things.

-He takes Bianca and throws the two of them in the way of the battle with the manticore.

-After all this time, he still doesn’t know much about Annabeth Chase. She gets kidnapped and returned safely to Percy every time, to the best of his knowledge.

-Nico dies holding up the sky, but at least Bianca lives, under the protection of Artemis.

Loop 45:

-Nico looks in the mirror and studies the new grey streak with fascination. And, maybe, some hope.

-Things can change.

Loop 46, 47, 48, 49, 50:

-Nico gets kidnapped a few times. Once, he’s killed in a rage by a Titan with horns, but it’s quick. Mostly, he holds up the sky to get Artemis out.

-She looks at him strangely each time and Nico wonders if she can see what he’s done.

Loop 51:

-They figure out he’s a son of Hades. They offer him Olympus. Olympus and Bessie--the Ophiotaurus, rather.

-Nico says no.

Loop 52:

-Nico says yes.

Loop 53:

-Being on the verge of overthrowing the gods and keeping everyone he’s grown to care for--in the case of several Hunters, against his will; in Percy Jackson’s case, Nico loves him as much as he hates him at this point--doesn’t do much, apparently.

-Nico stays in Westover again. He resists the urge to tell Bianca that would-be destroyers of Olympus don’t need to brush their hair, whatever she says.

Loop 54:

-Nico goes over the edge of the cliff again, but with Percy Jackson.

-This isn’t the first time; in Loop 46, Percy had taken the sky for both the sake of Artemis and Nico until it killed him.

-What’s different, is Nico’s in the middle of what’s become the usual panic attack when he’s about to die for the hundredth time, and his powers react.

-Percy holds him close and calls him cousin. Tells him he’ll never leave Nico.

-You have no idea, Nico whispers. You can’t leave me.

-You think I want to? Percy whispers back. You’re not alone, Nico.

-Nico’s sobbing sounds like laughter.

Loop 55:

-Nico tells Percy the truth for the third time. This is the first time he hasn’t told Bianca first.

-They’ve just found the Erymanthian Boar, Thalia’s told Nico his goth needs work--whatever that means--and Nico’s bracing himself for the junkyard again.

-Getting kidnapped by the Titans really gets old after a while.

-He still has the grey streak, and no number of excuses will fully soothe his sister, but the Hunt’s a good distraction from it.

-Nico doesn’t blame Bianca anymore for it. He thinks.

-Nearly a year into this loop and Nico’s finding it hard to blame anyone for much of anything, anymore. Especially when he sees what she’s faced. Again. And again.

-For now, this time, Percy Jackson is staring at Nico with wide eyes at what Nico’s told him--through these loops, Nico’s starting to wonder if he now knows more about Percy than Percy’s own best friends--and says he believes him.

-Once, Nico would’ve exploded from joy. Now, he just sighs and nods.

-Percy tells him how to condense the conversation for the next loop. He advises Nico to research Talos, “like Annabeth would.”

-He advises Nico to warn Percy’s next loop self about Annabeth’s kidnapping. Nico wonders if he’s gone insane that he’s considering it.

-Bianca dies.

Loop 56:

-Nico makes the executive decision this time to try and befriend Annabeth Chase. As such, he takes Percy’s advice.

Loop 57:

-It takes him two tries to befriend Annabeth Chase and learn about Talos.

Loop 58:

-Three times.

-But the nail. The nail in the ankle of Talos.

Loop 59:

-He hangs back at camp again this time and meets Charles Beckendorf, head of Cabin Nine, and son of Hephaestus.

-Nico figures that short of finding the god himself and committing temporary suicide--not that it hasn’t crossed Nico’s mind--his son will have to do.

-(He’s tried his hand at summoning ghosts, but Daedalus refuses to show, for some reason)

-Beckendorf frowns and tells Nico he would have to see Talos himself.

-Nico hadn’t realized just how much cursing he had picked up off of Percy and Thalia until that moment.

Loop 60:

-Nico knows what the prophecy says. One shall be lost in the land without rain.

-He knows it’s why he’s been failing so much.

-The trouble is, he no longer cares.

Loop 61:

-It took him a try, but he gets Beckendorf on the quest, prepared to defeat the Talos prototype.

Loop 62:

-Strike that, two tries.

-Nico really hates the Nemean Lion.

Loop 63, 64:

-Nico has solved half a problem: How to defeat Talos without putting someone inside the robot.

-The other half of the problem is now that they are all electrocuted by a dying automaton for their efforts.

Loop 65:

-Beckendorf’s crush--girlfriend? crush, they’re both insisting--Silena Beauregard comes along this time. Nico won’t complain over the extra manpower, even if he’s positive that eight campers and Hunters are patent overkill for one quest.

-Silena pulls Bianca out of the wreckage. Nico’s heart stops.

-Silena’s crying when she mentions that if they had been a bit earlier, she could have been revived.

-Nico wonders if Thalia’s going to stab him as he starts whooping. And takes notes about where Talos falls.

Loop 66:

-Nico swears, if Percy Jackson tries to sacrifice himself for Annabeth Chase one more time--

Loop 67:

-Bianca.

-I found you, he sobs. I found you.

-Gods damn the Hoover Dam.

Loop 68:

-And again.

-Despite having the distinct inkling at this point that he doesn’t much like like girls, Nico could kiss Silena Beauregard and Thalia Grace when they manage to revive his sister each time.

-She’s shaky and leaning on him and was dead, he could see her soul floating away--

-But she’s there.

-Nico refuses to let his sister out of the sight at the Hoover Dam and Percy befriends the Naiads this time.

-At least, until the Titans--who Nico made the very big mistake of taunting at DC--sends monsters he can’t control.

Loop 69, 70, 71, 72, 73:

-They keep dying in various combinations at the Hoover Dam now that Nico’s figured out how to save Bianca.

-At least, until he gets separated from Percy in Loop 73 and he meets a redheaded girl with a penchant for calling Nico pint-size.

-Athena dislikes Percy, Nico, Bianca, and Thalia in equal measure. Having learned of the Great Prophecy in Loop 16 and Percy’s mooning over Annabeth in. . .well, every loop, Nico can’t quite blame her.

Loop 74:

-Her name is Rachel Elizabeth Dare and Nico likes her. She takes none of their shit and if it weren’t for the fact that they already have eight people on the quest, he’d want to take her along.

-Bianca gets in a fight with the Old Man of the Sea. Thalia electrocutes him when he throws Bianca in the bay.

Loop 75:

-Nico wakes up in Westover with the distinct feeling that he was drowned on dry land.

-He stays in bed shivering, that day.

Loop 76:

-Atlas is the father of Zoë Nightshade. Nico learned this around Loop 50. He had realized around five loops ago that this probably meant she was going to die “by a parent’s hand.”

-He hadn’t realized that it was going to hurt to watch.

Loop 77, 78, 79, 80, 81:

-Now that he’s figured things out to about San Francisco, it seems the world is out to get him. The number of fights or mistakes that he either makes himself or has to head off are ridiculous.

Loop 82:

-Nico is so very tired. And wishes he felt ten years old again.

Loop 83:

-If Thalia gets in one more fight with Nereus, Nico's going to walk into the sea.

Loop 84:

-He wanders off, in this one. Grover had been killed in Hoover Dam, so Nico’s waiting for the reset at this point.

-In the meantime, Nico figures there are worse things to do than enjoy a good afternoon in San Francisco. He even meets a boy in a purple shirt.

-His name is Jason and he has hair like the sun.

-If he ever fixes this, Nico wants to find him.

Loop 85:

-Nico’s not fast enough in the junkyard.

-In San Francisco, he tries to find the ugliest, biggest trouble he can find.

-He finds a pair of teenagers in armor who yell Latin at him instead.

Loop 86:

-There’s a dragon that will attack them in the Garden of the Hesperides if they make it angry enough and Nico is so tired.

Loop 87:

- Zoë Nightshade is dead. They’ve won.

-Funny definition of “win”, considering they’ve all almost died this loop about a dozen times each, and Nico can’t explain why he’s crying on the body of a Hunter he only met a week ago, in their eyes.

-She hates him, some loops. More loops, she looks at him with ghosts of old grief in her eyes and hands him a knife.

-The gods execute Bessie, and then, Nico watches as his father turns to him and Bianca with sorrowful eyes.

-Nico should’ve figured, after almost ninety loops.

Loop 88:

-Luke offers one of them the entrails of Bessie again.

-Nico takes them.

Loop 89:

-For all the good it does. Nico wakes up as he does every time now: Powerless, in bed, and with only a grey streak to show for his efforts.

Loop 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98:

-Nico doesn’t know how to save Zoë Nightshade. Bianca, he could trick and fight his way into it. Beckendorf and Silena and Percy and a loophole in lost could save his sister.

-Her, she just. . .dies. Sometimes in DC, sometimes in San Francisco, sometimes on the hills of Mt. Tamalpais. Always at the hands of Atlas.

-Always, being murdered by her father.

-It’s not as gutting as watching his sister die, but it aches more in his chest, somehow.

Loop 99:

-He sticks close to Zoë this time. Same as he’s done with Percy, Annabeth, his sister, Thalia, and Grover, time and time again. But not her, Nico is realizing. Not the clinging he’s achieving now.

-Hoping for. . .something.

-He knows better than to tell the immortal Lieutenant of Artemis the whole truth. The loneliness is enough.

-She’s less frosty to him from the start than to, say, Grover or Percy, after Annabeth goes over the cliff again. When he shows up in DC, she’s much less angry than he’s seen her.

-Along the way to New Mexico and then San Francisco, he listens. He’s grown better at it, this far in. When the others are asleep, when Bianca is being fussed over after Talos, when everyone but them is asleep by the fire, he listens.

-And she tells him about her sisters. About her father, when the world was young and Atlas had looked on every daughter of his with pride. She tells him, pride glistening in her eyes, of the battles she has seen, the hunts she has overseen at the command of a goddess, the monsters she has killed, and the epithets she has been given.

-He doesn’t ask anything of her. Not until they’re in the house of Annabeth’s father, drinking lemonade the night before the battle, and Nico knows she is about to die again.

-What do you want, he asks. You’ve done everything. What’s left?

-She stopped, ice seems to creep over her again, and Nico wondered if he’d hit some sore spot.

-He’s opened his mouth to make his apologies when she answers, so quiet and quick he thinks he’s imagined it.

-To be remembered. When my lady has taken another lieutenant, as she must, and I have gone to where all gods go when they die, I wish for my memory to remain. And. . .

-Nico waits, and ignores the sudden, terrifying thought that he no longer knows what he wants.

-I wish to see the stars again. I was born a nymph of the sunset; starlight is precious to me. I want to see it again.

-Nico dies to preserve the memory of Zoë Nightshade.

100:

-Nico di Angelo wakes up in Westover Hall. He hopes for the last time.

-He does everything right: Annabeth goes over the cliff, his sister joins the Hunt, Percy is soon his friend, and he convinces Silena and Beckendorf to join the quest.

-The Nemean Lion never stands a chance, and Nico is glad to be rid of it.

-His sister lives.

-Nico watches Percy watch Rachel Elizabeth Dare go, looking like he’s just taken a frying pan to the face, and fights the urge to snicker.

-Thalia doesn’t start a fight with Nereus, but Percy certainly does. Nico could’ve sworn he saw the boy with sun-hair again, watching with curiosity.

- Zoë Nightshade dies in the arms of Artemis and is made into the stars she loves so dearly. Nico promises her soul that he will remember.

-For, he has found, the dead have a tendency of remembering things they shouldn’t.

-Annabeth and Percy now have grey streaks to match Nico’s, and Nico can’t wait to spend the rest of his life trying to explain that.

-It’s closer than he would like, but much less close than other lives with Olympus. The Ophiotaurus is alive and safe, and they are all alive.

-As Nico walks out of the council, he looks off to the side. By the fire is the familiar girl with red eyes--the Lady Hestia, looking much closer to Nico’s age than that of the Olympian she is.

-Besides her are three old ladies. Nico’s heard about them from Percy, in Loops 26, 53, 61, and 62.

-One lady holds a ball of string that is the color of a warm umber. The other is knitting what looked suspicious like socks. The last. . .

-Scissors, in one hand. Just as expected. Nico swallowed.

-In the other, was a knot of burnt string, tied to the socks. Behind her, Nico could see discarded string of all colors: an electric blue, a stormy grey, a black that seems to glisten with the promise of a storm, string the soft, hopeful pink of love, yarn run through with bright copper.

-Glowing threads that Nico could only describe as the color of starlight.

-As he walked out, firmly between Percy Jackson and Thalia Grace, the Hunt of Artemis behind him, Nico hears one last promise:

It is done, Nico di Angelo.

#pjo #this is what i do when i'm trying to avoid work #nico di angelo #bianca di angelo #percy jackson #thalia grace #zoe nightshade #i traumatize nico a million times but dont worry #i eventually fix it #annabeth chase #luke castellan #blink-and-you-miss-her-rachel-dare #pjo fanfic #ryn is back on their bullshit #pjo fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #long post #writing #death tw #nico dies a lot #and is a bit suicidal in parts #this is part ridiculous part angst #charles beckendorf #silena beauregard #the titan's curse #this got weird real quick

[chaoticdean]

(click on the banner for HQ, Tumblr somehow keeps fucking it up)

31 days and close to 39k words written later, here’s my Suptober20 master post! I can hardly believe that I managed to write everyday for a month, and I once again want to thank all of you for tagging along and being the nicest cheerleaders in the whole damn world. 💜

A special thank you to @winchester-reload​ for hosting this massive challenge and being the nicest gal around ✨

LINK TO THE SERIE ON AO3 | LINK TO MY TUMBLR TAGGED POSTS

(individual posts under the cut because this is a very long fucking post)

#1 — On the road again

The thrilling quest of gouda cheese — wc ~ 900 — Castiel is in charge of grocery shopping today, which could be a great thing if Dean could stop making him run back to the store multiple time. When his boyfriend decides they’re suddenly in urgent need of a special cheese, Castiel in turn decides he’s had enough.

AO3 | Tumblr post

#2 — Earth

A plastic and cardboard affair — wc ~ 1.2k —  In which Castiel suddenly becomes hyperaware of the looming environmental catastrophe ahead and decides to start changing things in the bunker, and Dean... Well, Dean is sleepy, AND HE JUST WANTS TO CUDDLE.

AO3 | Tumblr post

#3 — Demonic

Demonic skills — wc ~ 1.4k — Before Cas, Dean could always count on his abilities in bed to get him out of conversations he didn’t want to have. Now, though, not so much. (also known as “post-coital pillow talk with Cas”).

AO3 | Tumblr post

#4 — Branded

Etched into my bones — wc ~ 500 — Against all the odds, Dean is the one who suggests it. He claims it’s just a mean to an end, but Cas knows better. After all, he’s the one who gets to witness the man behind the hard shell he shows to the world every single day, and he’s grown to love the soft side of Dean Winchester. 

(Darkest Roads!verse)

AO3 | Tumblr post

#5 — Daydream

Dr. McHandsy and the curious case of the white lab coat — wc ~ 1.5k  — They’re on a case and undercover, and that’s reason #1 why Dean shouldn’t be sitting here drooling over his partner. But really, who thought putting Castiel in a doctor outfit would be a brilliant idea?! 

He’s gonna kill Sam.

AO3 | Tumblr post

#6 — Mask

A study in scotch and pampering — wc ~ 1.3k — If anyone had told Dean Winchester years from now that he’d be content letting his husband paint his face with foreign matter (not that kind of foreign matter, you kinky bastards) that smells like coconut and feels like whipped cream, he would’ve had the biggest laugh out of it. Nowadays, though, if that’s what it takes to get Cas to talk, he’ll do it in a heartbeat.

AO3 | Tumblr post

#7 — Domestic

The shirt in the dispute (and other laundry feuds) — wc ~ 2.1k — It all starts off with a sordid affair of mixed laundry, and somehow it’s World War III in the Men of Letter’s bunker (or the one where Castiel messes a batch of laundry up, and Dean’s Led Zeppelin shirt bites the dust)

AO3 | Tumblr post

#8 — Heartless

Ohio and the open secret — wc ~ 1.5k — Dean desperately tried to get Sam to pass on this case, hoping to finally get some alone time with his boyfriend for the first time in a while, but his giant moose of a brother decided to tag along anyway. Now they’re stuck in the same bedroom in Ohio, and Castiel is about to lose it, so Dean takes the matter into his own hands.

(it doesn’t go as planned)

AO3 | Tumblr post

#9 — Electric

Ocean waves — wc ~ 1.2k — It’s been 5 years now, and somehow they figured out their shit. A house on a the shore, a ring on their fingers, and despite everything Dean still wakes up to find Cas wrapped up in a panic attack on random nights, doubts and anxiety eating him alive. But they aren’t alone in the panic anymore.

AO3 | Tumblr post

#10 — Sweet Rides

Home is wherever I’m with you — wc ~ 600 — Until a few years ago, Dean didn’t have any home. He grew up in shitty motel rooms and inside the Impala, on the road and in-between schools. As he finally allow himself to fall into Castiel’s arms, he reflects on all the places he can call home, now.

AO3 | Tumblr post

#11 — Rock & Roll

Sharp Edges — wc ~ 1.6k — Castiel told him he loved him right before getting swallowed up by the Empty. Sam asked him to talk to someone, anyone really,, but words won’t come out, and how is he supposed to tell anyone how it feels to lose everything? So he writes. Letters on napkins, motel notepads, paperback books. He writes as he goes through every steps of grief, until finally there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

AO3 | Tumblr post

#12 — Rewind

Leading me, going home — wc ~ 900 — Dean and Castiel reflects on their past and what they would say to their past self if they had the opportunity to rewind. (also known as “Castiel uses too many Harry Potter quotes, which gets Dean to prevent him from ever binging the movies again”)

AO3 | Tumblr post

#13 — Ladies

The promise in the cocktails — wc ~ 800 — When a joke involving colorful cocktails designed to put his brother into misery turns into a promise for more steamy nights with Cas, Dean thinks he might have won the lottery (and God bless strawberry daiquiris).

AO3 | Tumblr post

#14 — Fun & Games

A fever and the whipped boyfriend — wc ~ 1k — Being in love with a being as old as the Earth is all fun and games until said ex-angel gets sick for the first time of his entire (overwhelmingly long) life and turns into an actual, honest to god, gigantic baby. Lucky for Cas, Dean turns into perfect boyfriend mode. 

AO3 | Tumblr post

#15 — Third Eye

The blonde-haired witch and the little push — wc ~ 2.8k — It’s not the first time Dean’s ever had to listen to someone referring to Castiel as “his boyfriend”, but it sure as hell is the first time he has to sit through a diner listening to a witch referring to Cas as his husband without even batting an eyelash, like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

Which would be fine if it didn’t cause actual shivers to run down his spine.

(or the one where a friendly witch gives Dean the little push he needs)

AO3 | Tumblr post

#16 — Switch it up!

The spices in the suit — wc ~ 1.7k — Dean doesn’t know when he started taking advices from Sam when it comes to his love life, but after tonight he thinks he might be more mindful of Sam’s wiseness in the future. Especially if it gets him all the way to the backseat of the Impala with a former angel in his lap.

AO3 | Tumblr post

#17 — Autumn invading

Storms never come to stay — wc ~ 1.6k — Dean finds Cas in the wood behind their house, hours after they had a fight. They’ve been together for a long time now, yet fears still run deep. 

(Darkest Roads!verse)

AO3 | Tumblr post

#18 — Dark & Stormy Night

The wayward gang and the questionable cocktail — wc ~ 1.9k — Castiel comes back to the bunker after a day on the road to find the wayward gang scattered over the map table for what appears to be a cocktail night. Sam wanted piña colada, but Dean Winchester bartender extraordinaire decided to go for something darker and stormier...

AO3 | Tumblr post

#19 — Pour one out

As days fade (and night grows) — wc ~ 1.9k — Castiel wakes up alone and cold, and decides that he’s had enough of Dean shutting him out. They’ve lost Jack, but it doesn’t mean they have to lose themselves too. 

AO3 | Tumblr post

#20 — Home

The fire in my bones — wc ~ 1.1k — It’s not a secret that Dean Winchester isn’t particularly good with words, but when he fucks up and unintentionally hurts Cas, he knows he has to do better.

AO3 | Tumblr post

#21 — Fear

If I let you go, would you hold on? — wc ~ 1.6k — Castiel gets hurt on a hunt trying to protect Dean, and Dean is tired of having to wake up everyday not knowing if they’ll both be alive the next morning or if one of them is going to sacrifice himself to save the other. Finally, he makes a choice that will set he course of their future together.

AO3 | Tumblr post

#22 — “I cursed the gloom that set upon us, but I know that I love you so...”

Just a little rain — wc ~ 800 — Leave it to Led Zeppelin and Dean’s slow dancing skills to soothe the pain of letting your kid leave to tour the world.

AO3 | Tumblr post

#23 — Favorite

You feel like the sun on my face — wc ~ 700 — Dean awakes to Castiel sliding into bed after he just came back from a hunt, and somehow it’s kind of the best feeling in the world.

AO3 | Tumblr post

#24 — Family business

Wherever we are is where I wanna be — wc ~ 1.4k — It took them a few months, but once Dean and Castiel decide to move across the country and into a home of their own, everything falls into places. 

AO3 | Tumblr post

#25 — Villain

The blue tie in the bathtub — wc ~ 1.2k — Dean has been a pain in the ass all day, so Castiel decides to drag him into the bathtub and tie his hand up the shower rail before teaching him a lesson.

AO3 | Tumblr post

#26 — Walk of shame

And I would walk 500 miles — wc ~ 1.3k — The one where they think they’re being subtle, but they’re actually being really loud (and Sam happens to have functioning eyes, too.)

AO3 | Tumblr post

#27 — Banquet

Drunk on love — wc ~ 800 — Dean’s analogies are usually spot on, but maybe he’s had a bit too much whisky to be clever tonight (or maybe the fact that Castiel’s mouth is currently glued to his throat is preventing him to think clearly, who knows?)

AO3 | Tumblr post

#28 — Hellscape

Adventures in Christmas shopping — wc ~ 500 — Castiel wants to go Christmas shopping, and Dean being a very whipped thoughtful boyfriend decides to tag along. It doesn’t go well.

AO3 | Tumblr post

#29 — Fragile

Anytime you reach for me — wc ~ 700 — A look into what sex used to mean to Dean before Cas, and how his world has been turned upside down ever since he got in bed with a former angel of the lord.

AO3 | Tumblr post

#30 — Dress-up

Entertainment in soapy water — wc ~ 800 — Castiel just went down the garage to see what Dean is up to, but when he catches a flash of red right above the waistband of Dean’s shorts, it seems like his boyfriend might have dressed up just for him to see.

AO3 | Tumblr post

#31 — Carry On

Scar tissue — wc ~ 1.6k — There are arguably a few things that Dean dislikes more than anything else in the world, but nothing compares to what it feels like to wake up in an empty bed in the middle of the night, and the insane bolt of fear laced with anxiety than runs through Dean’s chest when he realizes he’s got no idea where Castiel is.

AO3 | Tumblr post

#suptober20 #masterpost #jus writes #I've just spent the entire afternoon preparing this #so help me god if the links don't work I might have to kill someone @ tumblr #destiel ficlet #deancas ficlet #destiel #deancas #writer of destiel #dean/cas

[sterekficrec]

Lost fic masterpost 2.0

This is the new masterpost list for lost fics we haven't found ourselves yet and we need some help with finding. This list contains all asks that are asked after May 31st, 2018. If you asked us something before that date and it hasn't been answered, please check out our Last Chance Asks post first, if it isn't on there feel free to send us the ask again.

If you know what one (or more) of these are then let me know through an ask and mention the number.

Thanks in advance for all your help :)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1.

Hii! I'm looking for this fic I read a while ago, it was on ao3 and kind of short I think.. Stiles catches Derek smoking weed naked, and it involves shotguning.. I remember it had embeded images of shirtless Derek(or some model who looks like Derek more likely) sitting on the floor by the bed.. Hope somebody knows this, I really want to find this :'(

2.

Hi! I don’t know if you can help with this but I’ve been looking for a fic everywhere. Stiles is older than Derek and Talia brings him in to help Derek through his rut or heat. I can’t remember much else. I hope you can help!

3.

Hey, I was wondering if you could help me find a fic where stiles thinks Derek doesn't find him attractive Derek doesn't get hard, and Derek thinks that stiles doesn't want him because of this and there's just hella miscommunication?

4.

Hey I was hoping maybe you could help me find a fic? All I remember was that is was like a retelling of season one but Stiles was older and an FBI agent?

6.

Hey there! I wanted to ask about a fic I read some time ago. It’s sort of au. Stiles doesn’t live in Beacon Hills anymore but helps out Deacon and him and Derek meet when he helps out Dereks pack with something. He’s a witch or something like that. I’m sorry for being so vague and in one of the cases Derek gets possessed by a demon, who kills people by dehydrating them. And Stiles gets the demon out of him. Have you guys recced anything like it? I really want to read it again. Thanks :)

7.

Hey!!!! So I was wondering if you could help me find this sterek fic?? They are married and they have a few kids I think mpreg. It has a lot of chapters and in one of them their daughter I think her name may start with an l goes to a dance with a vampire, Derek isn’t so sure ab it. And one time stiles has to go on a trip for work or maybe a retreat with Scott and Derek has to console there few month old, as he hasn’t been away from stiles. Please please!!

8.

I was wondering if you’d be able to help me find a fic? Derek and Stiles are on a date and they have Cora with them. When they’re buying tickets, the person at the ticket counter flirts with Derek and assumes he’s chaperoning a date between Cora and Stiles. I think Stiles yells oh hell no and then kisses Derek?? I wish I could remember more, but that’s all I recall..

9.

I've been looking for a certain nsfw fic where someone "gives" Stiles to Derek as a birthday present, I'm pretty sure Stiles is tied up in a hotel bed or something like that. Thank you so much in advance 💖

10.

Hello! I read a fic once and I cannot find it again and I would really like to reread it. Of what I remember the sheriff is an alpha and dies and Stiles has to take over and the sheriff left a lot of debt. So Stiles starts to sell off chunks of land and works a ton of jobs to try to pay it back.

11.

Hey, I’m looking for a fic where Stiles is a spark, but he’s hella freaking powerful because when his mom died he kind of tried to bring her back, but it latched onto his baseball bat? I think Lydia is actually the alpha of the pack, and Laura and Cora are alive (I think the rest of the Hales are too?). Derek was like, literally married to Kate for a while and then they divorce and Stiles and him break into her house and totally trash it. Help????

12.

I was wondering i you could help me find a fic (i'm desperate), the only thing i can remember is that derek keeps a 20 dollar bill by his door in case any girl scouts come by, but they never come because the moms think he's some kind og bad guy. Stiles meets a girl scout mom and konda confront her about it (and by confront i mean like really yell at) i think it might have been a slowburn fic Thank you:)

13.

I've been looking desperately for this fic where Stiles gets Emissary/Druid training from Deaton but eventually Deaton refuses to teach Stiles anymore so Stiles leaves Beacon Hills in search of another teacher he leave sometime before the alpha pack he finds a teacher and travels a lot but eventually returns Beacon Hills after a few years very powerful helps them defeat somthing and eventually hooks up with Derek.

14.

Hi please if u could help me this sterek fic? Both derek and stiles were deputies . Derek was new there and parrish like stiles which made Der jealous . I dont remember much but help ..

15.

Hey I was hoping you could help me find a fic? It's been a while since I've read it, but I know it was based around the sacfricial killings, but they were being used to resurrect some people I think? It was magic!Stiles, and at the end he kinda changed the spell to resurrect the Hale family instead? Sorry I can't remember much else, but I know I really enjoyed it and I can't find it at all. It would mean a lot if you found it!

16.

Hello. Love this blog helping find fics for other people some of which I’ve read and loved. I’d love if you could help me find a fix where stiles, Jackson, Erika, issac and Boyd are selected to be seventh to the hale family. Mr. Harris is the servant and the living family is Cora Derek Laura Peter and the grandmother. Stiles of course is Derek’s servant and finds the truth out about his forgotten pass and what he is to Derek’s. Changing him Erika and issac into werewolf’s. Hope you can find!!

17.

Hello! I was wondering of you could help me find a fic. From what I remember, Derek comes home (from college I think) for the first time in years, and finds that his family loves Stiles, who he has never met. They hate each other in the beginning. Thank you for any help you can give, and thank you for all you do for this amazing fandom! :D

18.

hi!im looking for a sterek fic that has stiles staying in beacon hills as a supernatural doctor? and then he gets an email from derek that says that derek is hurt. stiles also has a bunch of journals full of information about the pack. and them stiles has a really bad leg injury. and the sheriff is dead. stiles listens to either mozart or bach to calm down, i can’t remember. please, help me. sorry if my descriptions are a little messy, im stressing over it bc i want to reread it. thanks.

19.

i’m trying to find a fic where the pack accidentally wishes on a shooting star about stiles, and they wake up in this alternate universe where stiles doesn’t know who they are and he’s being brought in by deputies, && they find out that stiles is a mage of some sort in another pack, i’ve been trying to find it forever. also thank you!

20.

For the prompt you asked: what about Stiles going crazy trying to plan the perfect Christmas party with the pack but everyone has a different religion or belief and Stiles is squishing a little of everything in there, the party wont even be on Christmas eve but in a different neutral date or smthng. And obviously since most of the pack is still busy with school(or college?)he ropes Derek into helping with preparations. Obviously they end up making a big mess out of everything. they also fight a lot untill Derek snaps and Stiles realizes that Derek's only problem with Christmas is he misses his family so much(and the only reason Stiles wants to party it's bc it makes him remember his mother)And the pack arrives at the new Hale house to find them like that, depressed and with a burnt out dinner in the kitchen, ligths popped and tree destroyed. And it magicaly snows in that moment(or maybe it's Stiles?)

21.

Hi, sorry for my bad english. I’m looking for sterek fic. I know I read it in AO3. I don’t remember much but almost in the end Stiles and Chris are arguing because all the stuff his family did. How bad Stiles was tortured by Gerard and I think Stiles was pemanently injured in one ear and one eye. And also Chris was yelling that he killed his father and Stiles said in the end it didn’t mather because He was damage forever. I really hope you can help me.

22.

hi, so i was hoping you could help me find a sterek fic where stiles and derek are childhood friends, and stiles is pining after him but derek and paige are dating, and stiles gets jealous when paige is sitting in his seat and almost has a mental breakdown? i think stiles starts ignoring him, and derek realizes that he no longer sees paige as his future mate but stiles. thank you!!

23.

Hi, Sterek fic I can't find. With Stiles drowning, bc of himself or feelings being too much, Derek notices and saves him, and the Derek warms him by turning into his alpha form? Stiles really like shifted Derek. Thank you guys! :)

24.

Hi I was wondering if you could help me find these 2 sterek fics where: 1. Derek and stiles are on a stakeout looking at a bank I think when someone approaches the car and Derek pulls stiles into his lap and stiles begins to question his sexuality and if Derek likes him. 2. God I can’t believe I didn’t save this one but I can only remember a scene in the fic where stiles and Derek were at a drive though movie theatre and they were kissing and it was all about Derek self healing. Pls help.

25.

Hey I'm trying to find this fic on archive that I read before but I can't seem to find it. If you don't do this sort of thing sorry in advance. But if you do all the teenagers are alive and Stiles is getting bullied by a group of douches so the pack challenge them to a series of games. Girls vs girls and boys vs boys. They win of course. Anyway if you know of this fic please let me know

26.

I need help finding a fic pls. Stiles meets Derek young (around 4ish) and they're soulmates (Derek knew when Claudia was still pregnant). There is def an age gap. Stiles grows up knowing Derek is his mate, and tries to mate with him, but because they spent so much time together while he was young, stiles's wolf develops quicker than it should and goes into heat, so they try to separate them. Mama S. and Hale family is still alive, and theres an alpha/alpha mate convention at some point. Thanks!

28.

hey! i'm looking for a fic where stiles is living on the east coast working for the government and then he saves somebody's life by recognizing that the agent was walking into a trap of a vampire coven so he starts working with this supernatural sector of the government (and people named jessica and jason i think) and gets sent to a national council thing and reconciles with derek and the pack after having left beacon hills and stuff

29.

Hi! ❤️ thank you so much for taking the time, I was just hoping someone could help find that sterek fic where it’s established relationship, and stiles works for a company because he came up with a famous slogan for some type of candy/food and the company rlly loves him, at one point goes on a business trip where someone tries to have an affair and stiles is like WHUt NO and goes back to Derek immediately feeling guilty even tho he was 100% loyal? Thank youuuu ❤️

30.

Hello! I love this blog a lot , keep up the good work. :) I was recently reading a fanfic where stiles is kidnapped by jennifer and she uses derek’s semen in a spell to make the “werewolf messiah”. Can you help me find it?

31.

I am looking for a fic. Derek is the alpha and he and stiles get together and cook meals. First Boyd is added to the group and then Isaac. Isaac becomes a foster of Boyd's parents. Then Erica is added. They give Erica the bite after discussing it with her parents. Please help

32.

Hi! Looking for a fic where Stiles is bitten by a fox at the zoo, changes into an actual fox, which means he’s terrified of the werewolves, including Scott and Derek. Derek has to lure him out with a trampoline (definitely inspired by that video of a fox on a trampoline). I looked everywhere I could think of but no luck :/ hopefully someone’s heard of it! Thank you!

34.

Hi! I’m scouting the internet for an old sterek fic I read once where stiles and Allison bond over the summer after s2 and in a drunken mistake Allison gets pregnant but it’s not romantic? I can’t find even a trace of it anywhere but I VIVIDLY remember it

35.

Not a fic Rex but could you help me find a fic? It’s been months apon months since I have read this fic but it’s a sterek fic and stiles was kinda of controlling and would never be a good bf to Derek so they never did anything derek wants to do only stiles. And I remember they talked about it and were getting better and Derek asked to go on a hike to show stiles this pond or something idk for sure and stiles almost says no and it’s angsty and amazing.

36.

Hi! I've been looking for a fic that I read a while ago, I don't know if it's been deleted or not and I don't remember it clearly. But from what I remember, at some point Derek stayed with Stiles and his dad in his wolf form because he was traumatized and felt like he was inconvenient to everybody? Sorry I'm not being very clear but if that rings any bell... Thank you!

37.

hi! There was this Sterek fic form Isaac's POV where he was Stiles' PA and he really shipped him with Derek, but all the other two do is fight-- and in the end, he finds out they've been married for around 5 years. Do you know it's linked, by any chance? :)

39.

Hey! I’ve been looking everywhere but I can’t find this Sterek fic and was wondering if you could help me? All I remember is that Stiles is pregnant, him and Jackson are really close friends, and something about ‘is Thursday a good day to tell your ex you’re pregnant?’. Thank you so much if you could help! ❤️

40.

Hello! Okay so I have my been here in a while, but I've ran out of fics to read. And I'm not sure if you guys are still active. But do you guys have some where Sterek start dating, but it's because one of them like the other and the other one thought, "why not?" But they end up falling for the other. Sorry I know this is too specific. :/ but thank you!!!

41.

I'm looking for a fic that Stiles was invited to Derek's wedding to Julia/Jennifer, but it turns out he was magically controlled to go along with everything so she'd have control of the pack???? Eventual sterek.

42.

Hiiii! I'm wondering if you can help me. I read this fic forever ago and it was a supernatural FBI type situation. Stiles was magic and sold potions on the side (I know to at least Ethan). Deucalion was selling drugs that were killing people. I remember that the drugs made you hover in the air before you died and Stiles got drugged (also pretty sure he was a suspect). Derek was an agent. Thanks in advance!

43.

Hey I'm really sorry to bother i am looking for a fic were stiles and derek are in a long term relationship but derek starts to neglect stiles so he decides to leave for a new apartment and derek realizes how much he has been missing. thank you i hope you can help me

44.

Hey! So I’m looking for 2 sterek fics that might have been deleted but I’m not sure. The first, someone is poisoning the wolves to makes them shift, and stiles and Derek get locked in a cage so that Derek would kill stiles. The second one, the pack goes to college, but Derek breaks up with stiles to keep him safe, and stiles starts taking pain killers. The Alpha pack shows up, but at the end Peter tries to kill Scott or Derek to become an alpha again. Any idea? Thank you!!!

45.

Hey I'm looking for a sterek fic and going out of my mind because I cant find it! All I remember is that they had at least one kid together and in the epilogue or sequel or something they were having a family dinner where their college age oldest daughter was bring home her boyfriend to meet the family. And I think the younger brother was non-binary of some sort and they were worried how the boyfriend was going to handle that. And werewolves existed but still a secret. Thank you in advance!!

50.

Im sorry i might be stupid but i cant find the askbox, im looking for a fic where stiles and derek are mates and there might be a abo dynamic, derek knows they are mates before stiles is born because he meet Claudia while she i pregnant, they start of young in the fic but get older as i goes. I must have been an explicit one. Sorry for any inconvinience

51.

a.

Hi! Looking for a stereo college au where stiles is obsessed with Greek mythology and even got a tattoo of it. Some internal homophobia in there too. Thank you in advance!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

b.

hi! i am looking for this sterek fic i read last year I think. Stiles and Derek are both in college and Stiles is crazy about greek mythology - has some of the stuff tattooed on him. Derek is kind of closeted and maybe a little internally homophobic but is crazy about Stiles. Stiles has some Dark Things that happened to him back in BH.....Eventually Derek gets him a ticket to go to Greece? Any ideas? Thank you in advance!

I think these two are asks for the same fic, if not I seperated them in a. and b. so let me know the latter if they are not the same.

53.

Hello, sorry I have another ask. I'm looking for a fic where werewolves are known and the hale family is alive. Stiles has to spend time with every member of the pack to determine compatibility I think? They all dislike him. Laura hates him because they had a previous encounter and she bruises him. It's a sterek fic I think. Thanks!

54.

there's a fic i read years ago about stiles and derek both being accountants and working together. i think stiles was a new employee? possibly a student/graduate? sorry i dont have much information, its been years since i read it and i just randomly thought about it but cant find it

55.

Hey! I swear I got this Fic from y’all but I cannot find it now for the life of me. It’s a college AU where stiles rushes fraternities on a whim and meets Boyd. Boyd is a legacy for Derek’s fraternity and joins them, Stiles ends up rushing and joining Scott’s fraternity. There’s a whole bunch of pranking that ensues including Stiles stealing Derek’s pledge paddle... it’s a fantastic fic but I can’t find it

56.

hi!!! i was wondering if you know the fic where the pack finds actual wolf cubs and decides to raise them??? i remember it being a WIP and the wolves names were sköll and haiti (?). btw: i love this blog so much 😭😭💝

57.

hi! I’ve been looking for a fic where stiles (for a reason that I forget) pretends to be gay and ends up dating Derek while still pretending to be gay and then actually falls for Derek in the end. I can’t seem to remember what it’s called and I really wanna reread it. Hope you can find it!

58.

Hi, I’m wondering if you could help me find a fic. One where Derek had to sacrifice his love for Stiles to keep his family alive (some sort of curse on him to make him fall out of love) and magic!Stiles does everything to break the curse? If you know it please help

59.

Hi! I’m looking for a Sterek fic on Ao3 where the day after Stiles and Derek finally go forward in their relationship this random ass guy shows up, claims he’s an old friend of Derek’s from New York and convinces the whole pack, minus Stiles, too. From what I remember he used their names to place a spell on them to control them. Derek attacks Stiles then kicks him out of the group, Lydia shows up and helps Stiles break the spell because she’s queen, and they get the guy arrested. Plz help?

60.

Hey guys no pressure but theres been a fic stuck in the back of my head for months and I can’t find it. What I remember is that the pack are in a bar when a siren does a siren thing and everyone in the bar is under his spell and it was something d&s could resist only because they were truely in love. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, English is hard for a dyslexic

62.

Hey!! First of all...... thank u so much this is always so helpful..... Second of all, I can’t remember the name and hopefully you can help?? It’s Sterek, it’s not an AU. Derek leaves and moves to Montana? Colorado? Something like that and coincidentally Stiles ends up going there for college and slow build???? And knowing these boys, some Angst™️

63.

UGH!! Can you help? Stiles goes to stay with Derek in Brazil?

64.

HELP, goin crazy looking for fic I wanna reread, Remember tons specific odd details. Listing them w/ hopes someone knows what I'm taking about! ABO adjacent, Stiles heat is called a wetting, Stile's dad gives his hand away only cuz its good alpha Derek, marital/mate tradition w/ fancy ornate bathtubs, Stiles has skirt w/ embroidered list of his skills on it, Derek bad a verbalized emotions. Regency era. Stiles has a miscarriage w/ lot of self blame. Issac is Derek's ward since he's a kid. Aaah?!

70.

Hello I'm trying to find a fic where when Stiles was young (and with the help of Lydia or Scott) did a spell to never find his soulmate. Like it was: he will have blue eyes, no green and brown; he will be strong enough to lift a car; he will play cello. The point of the spell being to not find him. Later he meet Derek and freaks out because he is perfect (multicolored eyes, werewolf strength...). Please help me find it! Thanks

72.

I am looking for a fic that starts with Stiles and Derek researching but then Stiles gets turned on and him and Derek end up hooking up. It's a 5+1 fic

73.

Hi! Can you help me find the fic where Stiles, Sheriff and a few other people from town were held hostage by werewolves(?) but also some humans I think and they were planning to escape but stiles said they should stay put. And at the end or towards the end Derek bursts in as a full wolf and stiles has to talk him down so he’ll shift back and the people who held him hostage know him as one of the most dangerous in the Hale pack.

76.

Hi Mod(s)! I am currently looking for a fic about magic Stiles. I don't remember any of the pairings, but I vividly remember a conversation between Stiles, Allison, and Lydia. To prove that his magic is real, Stiles sets his lacrosse stick on fire. Allison is prejudiced toward magic and says that Stiles could probably light a house on fire, and Stiles responds that he could, but then he would die of organ failure. Thank you for your help! I appreciate the time and care you put into this blog!

77.

Hey, thanks for all you do. Do you perhaps know a fic that is basically a rewrite of season 1 but Stiles has a dog, and Derek gets jealous of the dog, honestly I've been searching everywhere for this

79.

I have a question

all I can remember is Alison is matriarch of the hunters, Stiles is sassy as fuck... I think he was magic. I believe there was a coffee shop showdown where Alison didn’t realize that Stiles was there... I can’t remember if it’s a recent fix or something I stumble across finding new docs to read.

Cheers

80.

Hello! I've been trying to comb my way through your blog and searching google but I haven't been able to find the fic I've been looking for so I hope you can help me (and I hope I'm not missing the post and making a duplicate)

The story is a sterek fic where Derek goes to stiles for help because hes developing a sexual problem and only trusts stiles to look up the answer. Stiles find out it's likely a mate thing and suggests derek figures out who hes been spending a lot of time with. Derek checks out and crosses off each of the pack before settling on Scott (because of his scent, thinking its what's triggering the response), turns out its stiles and that stiles has a very active libido and that's what's causing Derek's problem.

I swear I had it saved but I can't find it in any of my bookmarks. So, any help you can provide at finding the fic would be super helpful! Thank you!

81.

hi, hoping for some help finding a fic? from around 2015 - sterek (either established couple or they got together during +), there's a big bad that mind controls or possesses Derek and makes him stab stiles. then in the next part stiles trains with the argents and they're still trying to fight the big bad. there's an OC that stiles is jealous of bc she is able to bring Derek out of the mind control/possession when he wasn't able to. that's everything I remember. any help is appreciated! thanks!!

82.

There is this fic that I cannot remember the name of. It’s a very slow burn where stiles and Derek once they decide to be together, wait until 18 for kissing (before that they do Eskimo kisses) and then to like 21 or something for sex. It’s really sweet and cute and stiles is understanding of his trauma. It may have been a de-aged derek, cursed, bonded, or fake/pretend relationship? If you know, I will love you forever and ever +1.

83.

I'm looking for a long Teen Wolf fic. Here's what I remember.

Stiles left to join the FBI. Cut ties with Beacon Hill. Never looked back. Becomes an FBI wunderkind.

On behalf of the FBI he goes to some werewolf or Supernatural Council event with his unit. It's a complete surprise the Beacon Hill pack is there, they're all cold shouldering each other. Everyone has grown into their own, and the pack is beyond thriving. Derek is some high muckity muck.

Scrooby doo mystery plot stuff, ends in Sterek.

It's long and has some time stamp sequels.

Does this sound familiar? I've been looking for it to reread.

85.

I’ve been looking for this one sterek fic where stiles has a crush on Derek and Derek is like in high school while stiles is still a kid. And like stiles comes over to the Hale house to hang out with Derek and he catches Derek making out with a girl (maybe Kate) and it breaks his heart.

86. 

Hi :) I’m looking for a fic where Stiles and Derek fake being in a relationship when Derek has to go to some werewolf retreat. Stiles learns magick and can see strings that run between…mates, maybe? I think there’s also a toddler named Luca running around. Idk I remember reading this YEARS ago and would really like to find it again🥺

87.

Hey. I was wandering if you knew of a fic that’s kinda oldish. But stiles and Derek meet and they’re like mates or soulmates or something. Anyway stiles pack which is like Scott, Allison, Lydia, Danny etc have been cursed by a witch and I thinks they’re getting their power drained or something? They’re lived are in danger and Derek helps coz Stiles is his mate. Possible chance they’re all at college

88.

hi! I am looking for a sterek fic. stiles works two jobs and is really tired driving home one day and accidentally rear ends derek (who is a cop?) who then comforts him when he freaks out. it is abo au and the pack are included. thanks in advance!

89.

Do you know a ao3 fanfic about sterek where stiles just presented as an omega and gets taken by the government to be the omega in dereks military group?

90.

Hey I was wondering if you could find this fic for me? I’ve been looking lol night and I can’t find it anywhere. I know it’s on AO3 if that helps at all.

So it’s a royalty au and pretty much Derek is a werewolf and he invades stiles kingdom under peters orders but when Derek gets to the palace stiles father isn’t there as stiles has hidden him and he ends up marrying stiles and stiles is like tricky and stuff and there’s one scene where they are in the garden and dereks soldiers end up in a field of wolvesbane and gets really sick and stiles goes in to save him and he gets really mad at his guards for letting the wolf just walk into it. And Peter is bad and intends on killing derek and stiles realises this and tells him and Derek ends up killing him. I think it would be classified as enemies to lovers? I hope that’s enough info to go off of

Thank you so much in advance I really appreciate it if you find it!

91.

Hi I have been looking for this fic for literally years, all I remember is that stiles and allison had a kid together years before when they were both on the outs from the pack in LA, but they come back and scott and allison end up together again, and derek left beacon hills for years but comes back and settles but keeps leaving and stiles is upset—eventual sterek of course—and there’s something big going on supernaturally? And stiles gets intense migraines? Honestly it’s been so long I could have imagined this haha but I will be so grateful if someone has heard of this! Thank you for all you do!

92.

Hi there! I read a fic a looong time ago and unfortunately, I can't find it. What I remember, is that Stiles and Derek move out of Beacon Hills and also get their own dog. I also think at first Stiles was on his own and he moved away for himself, not necessarily bc he was pushed out of the pack, but that may have been in a different fic and I'm just mixing them up. So sorry for being so vague! I hope you may be able to find it

93.

hi! i'm searching for a fix where the pack goes on vacation and derek and stiles have to share a room. basically stiles thinks that derek doesnt like his scent and leaves the windows open and they freeze their asses off lol. i think it was in a cabin or something in the woods.

94.

Hiya! Not sure if you’re still taking SOS Fic Searches. I cannot for the life of me remember anything more than a sterek fic with stubborn Derek / Stiles where Jackson asked Stiles out on a date on Valentines Day knowing Derek would be jealous, but when Derek doesn’t step in immediately, after the “date” Jackson texts Stiles “you’ll thank me for this” and then kisses him on the porch and Derek wolfs out and chases him — thus allowing for them to discuss their feelings and get together (but also keep it a secret from the pack for being assholes and making group chats without them)

95.

i’m looking for a fic that starts with stiles and derek getting into a fender bender. it’s in a universe where everyone registers as a dom, sub, or switch. stiles is a sub and derek is a dom. derek works with scott. after the accident stiles brings derek cookies and brownies at work. derek is some sort of officer or something that works with dom/sub rights or something?? there’s a protest which stiles goes to and it gets violent and at another point someone vandalizes where derek works. stiles and jackson are friends and jackson coaches lacrosse. i’m sorry if this is vague but i appreciate the help!

96.

I'm trying to find a fic and I'm hoping you can help- I've read it before but can't for the life of me find it on Ao3, and it's killing me! It's one where Stiles is magical, Scott pretty much goes insane- and there is a super amazing scene towards the end where Stiles winds up magically taking Scott's wolf away and giving it to Melissa, who lovingly embraces it. It was a great read that I could have sworn I bookmarked :(

97.

Hi! I’m not sure if you can help me find a lost fic. But I thought I’d give it a shot and ask. I read this Sterek fic within the last couple of months and i remember very little unfortunately. Basically I remember that stiles was allowed to sleep in dereks bed and Derek was acting like that was no big deal, but everyone else in the pack thought it was a massive deal because wolves and scent and stuff and I remember one of the women in the pack was pregnant but no idea who. This is so convoluted and I’m sorry. If you can’t find it no worries! Thanks!!

#lost fics #lost fic masterpost #sterek fic rec #sterek #derek hale #stiles stilinksi

[rawbins-undertale-blog]

How do monsters age? Also how old are the brothers?

~ Sincerely, a very Library Anon ~

Hello! Thanks for the ask, and also sorry for you, my friend, who’s about to have pages of me rambling about my thoughts and headcanons that may or may not be entirely supported by the game for a socially unacceptable amount of time <3

HOW MONSTERS AGE

I’ve actually had multiple different headcanons when it comes to monster age! They all go into three different categories: “all monsters age slower”, “they age the same way (unless they’re a boss monster without a kid)” and “some monsters age like humans, some slower and some quicker depending on species”. But, I now have one that goes into a slightly different category.

Now, I think, “what if their aging is a bit of everything?”

Allow me to explain what I mean.

My first headcanon was that monsters age 10x slower than a human does. Just choose a human age for a character and then tack on a 0 to the end of the number and you’ve got the right age. A part of me still wants to go that route, simply because it’s easier…

… but then, a monster would be a literal child while being 100 years old. It would make it a bit awkward to write about human kids being friends with monster kids lol, ngl. (Also I don’t want to write Sans and Papyrus as being like 250 years old.) Not to mention, it’s a bit boring. So I decided to spice it up a bit, if you will.

Let’s start explaining this by taking a monster with an average mental state who is the most average of species. They’re not suffering from any mental disorders, illnesses, have no trauma or physical ailments and are overall just what you’d call an averagely happy person. There’s nothing special about this monster. They’re literally the most average of average monsters, maybe so average they don’t even actually exist - they are made up by the statistics.

At first, they age quicker than a human does. While they’re what would translate to 5 human years (AKA when they’re 5 monster years), they are actually only 2 human years. At age 10 in monster years, they are 5 in human years. Their aging starts to slow down at 16 monster years, and by the time they’re 25 in monster years, they are also 25 in human years. Then it slows down even more quickly and on a huge scale, so that when they are 50 in monster years, they are about 500 in human years. On average, a normal monster becomes 2000 human years old. (Keep in mind, that this monster is so average they don’t exist - this aging varies a lot between species.)

Now, let’s take another monster of this same statistics-made species who is more happy than the average monster. They’ve experienced many good things, and bad things happening to them are unusual, but not unusual enough to make the happy moments meaningless. They make sure to care of themself and take their own feelings into consideration, they know their own worth. A monster like this may become up to a staggering 4000 human years old with some luck.

Finally, here’s a monster who suffers and just… isn’t happy. They suffer from trauma, have gone through horrible things, overall just not a very good time. They’re very likely to only get to 800 human years or less, if things don’t start looking up for them.

However, these aging mechanics also get more complicated when we get into species of monsters and monsters having children. Gerson, who is a turtle-species, ages about 5x slower than the average monster, which is why he was alive during wartime (though he is near the end of the line now, he’s only maybe 20 years from dying by the end of the game). A whimsun definitely won’t live past 1000 years, even if they’re the happiest whimsun on the planet, because their magic isn’t strong enough to last.

A boss monster (Toriel, Asgore, Asriel) doesn’t age past 30 until they have a child. When/if they have that child, they age at the same speed as the kid does. If the child dies, however, they stop aging again.

Speaking of not aging when their kids die, the same kinda goes for every other monster to a much smaller extent.

A non-boss monster will slow their aging after their kid dies. If they survive losing their kid (because a lot of monsters would dust from the hopelessness they feel after losing somebody so important), their aging slows by about 150%, again depending on the species of the monster.

However, despite their slow aging, monsters are weaker than humans. Too unstable emotions or living in conditions that make the monster feel unsafe may fuck up thair aging, as mentioned previously. To go into more detail about this: the aging process is not messed up by the situation the monster is in - the monster could be in the most horrible position without their aging being affected at all - but it has to do with how their hope is affected.

If a monster loses hope, their aging is affected so it speeds up. If they gain hope, it slows down.

Taking this in mind, let’s talk about the skeleton brothers’ ages!

Let’s start with the Undertale brothers, since they’re the “base” for the ages.

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what I think their ages are, but I would say that:

At the time the game takes place, Sans is about 24-28 years old in monster years and Papyrus is about 19-23 in monster years. In human years, Sans is about 23 and Papyrus has recently turned 18. This has to do with their experiences in life.

Sans only has 1 HP. Skeleton monsters are among the groups that age more slowly, which ends up with him aging a tiny bit quicker than the ‘average monster’. This HP is mostly brought on by his clinical depression (which is actually very rare to have for a monster).

Papyrus ages slower than the ‘average monster’. He’s full of HoPe and is one of the most compassionate monsters, which says a lot by the way lol. But, we can’t forget that he literally didn’t have any friends, which did deal a huge blow to his self-confidence even if he won’t admit it. He aged just a little quicker than a skeleton monster should, at the time the game takes place (though this does change in my fics and headcanons right away, all he needs is one (1) friend to age as slowly as he should, or well. Slower, actually).

So, now that I’ve put down the base for what the two brothers are, let’s just straight up say: all the AU brothers are the same age in human years and there’s only small differences for the monster ages. Except for in Horrortale, which takes place later than the base game does.

I can’t say how old they are here, though, not exactly, because it would obviously vary depending on how long we wait to see them after the starvation starts, as horrible as that sounds. All my headcanons are off the basis that they were left in the Underground for about five human years after Frisk left, so let’s just go with that. After five years in the Underground, Dusk (Horrortale Sans) is about 38 in monster years and Aster (Horrortale Papyrus) is about 37 (he caught up quickly to his brother, as the things that happened took a bigger toll on him).

I want to mention, however, that all my headcanons for ages are very loose and not entirely my “final decision” on how I think monsters age lol, and they may change in the future. Anyways, this is what I’m going for as of right now! If you want any clarification feel free to ask :-)

#imagines tag #undertale imagines #undertale headcanons #undertale #sans #papyrus #lore #lore related

[phoenixyfriend]

The Naruto/Frozen Crossover

So I was planning on just doing an image ID thing for this post, but apparently the formatting on desktop is such a mess that it’s easier to just make a new post that’s text only. I can also like. Bulletpoint it so that it can be a little neater. All ideas were made with @firebirdeternal​‘s help, because they are the most efficient enabler I have.

Also I added some bits at the end.

Under a cut, because it’s Long As Heck.

I originally had two options: either Mid-teens Elsa and Anna being transported to ninja land sometime pre-canon and running into Haku and Zabuza... or just like. Born as a Daimyou's daughters.

Spoiler alert, we’ve got nukenin and I’m a sucker for an intrusive crossover, so transported to ninja land it is.

Suggestion from Birdie:

Mechanism for crossover: Elsa ices over a Wishing Well by accident after having Wished for someone else who understood her, Anna and her fall in and get Ice Mirror Portaled to Ninjaland, falling out of an iced over pond near a shrine that Haku recently prayed at for similar lonely child reasons?

Which I like! They don’t end up there soon enough to run into Haku, because I want a dramatic chase first, but I like it.

Obviously, Anna is forced to learn about Elsa's powers because it's the only thing keeping them safe

Or at least alive

(Elsa will do ANYTHING to keep Anna safe, and if that means she has to get her hands dirty...)

...neither of them knows Japanese, so, you know. There’s that.

I'm thinking that they end up in/near Kiri at first

And they aren't FAST ENOUGH to get away so Elsa panic-enchants a giant reindeer made of snow to run away across the suddenly-frozen ocean.

She and Anna have to ride and Elsa is probably crying the whole time.

Oh shit this is like. RIGHT after their parents die, I forgot. So that’s a thing! They are in mourning and all that fun stuff.

Point is, they use the powers for a Self Defense thing and BBY Haku is just !!! "Master can we rescue them for Ice Cousin reasons?" Zabuza: Yes, and only for those practical reasons and not because I collect endangered children like people collect pokemon cards.

I imagine that maybe they track rumors of a Yuki-onna down, or the Giant Snow Reindeer rides by and Haku’s just like Wat

The girls just tag along with Zabuza because. Like.

Do they like him? No. Do they trust him? No. Do they enjoy the fact that he considers them pathetic civilians? No.

However, Haku is Baby.

Zabuza is REALLY annoyed at them being Useless Civilian Royals “but Haku likes them so I guess they can stay.”

Age at meeting, three years pre-canon:

Zabuza - 23

Elsa - 18

Anna - 15

Haku - 12

Elsa is 90% anxiety/depression master combo BUT if Zabzua protects her then she's WILDLY dangerous so like. Whatever

Elsa's bingo book nickname options, uninspired:

Winter Witch

Winter Queen

Ice Queen

Snow Queen

Something about a Yuki-Onna maybe

She's Very Stately and kinda breakable but Winter is her Bitch

I mean like, the fact that, if protected, she can shut down the agriculture of a fucking country? That's an S-rank even if she's not that useful in a fight.

She's like. Jinchuuriki-level destruction. Generally speaking she wouldn’t. But she could.

Elsa: What the fuck is a chakra? Elsa: my snow monsters are self-sustaining. Elsa: I'm gonna build us a house.

Zabuza has NO idea how her powers work and it is INCREDIBLY frustrating but “there’s no chakra cost to keep these things going and we have shelters on demand” is too convenient to question after a while.

Haku: Delicate, deadly, incredibly fast ninja work. Elsa: I can't dodge a kunai but watch me wreck your entire country's ecosystem in under a day.

Elsa is a siege weapon.

Meanwhile, Anna is really, really into the physicality of ninja practice.

She's clumsy and she's not very good at ninja stuff, but she sure is determined!

Anna also gets on Zabuza's nerves because she keeps insisting that Haku get to be a kid.

Anna: Let's make flower crowns! Zabuza: No, he needs to train, not- Anna: FLOWER CROWNS

Consider: Haku saying Elsa-nee-sama and Anna-hime.

Or just calling Elsa “onee-sama.”

Anna is also younger than Elsa and way more Fun so she probably gets adjusted to Anna-chan or Nee-chan.

If Zabuza calls Elsa “Hime-chan” or “Elsa-hime” or, Sage forbid, “Elsa-sama/dono” then he’s VERY MUCH making fun of her and he’s probably getting his soup frozen that night.

At one point, Elsa... tries to like. Convince herself to have a crush on Zabuza or Kakashi or something until Zabuza just puts a hand on her shoulder and asks "do you even like men?" "...that's an OPTION?"

Zabuza urging her to try and ask out a Cute Kunoichi and Elsa's like.... I can't decide if she's bright red and a useless lesbian or uncomfortable and ace.

I am SO invested in the siege weapon thing.

SHE IS THE SQUISHIEST WIZARD.

It's not her fault that every single other combatant on the continent is Massively Dangerous in melee! She took a very traditional back-line build!

Enemy: Doesn't it GRATE to protect someone so pathetic, Zabuza? Zabuza: She literally froze an entire castle of enemies to death because they harmed her sister, so. No.

Most Ninjas: Sharp Knife. S-Rank Mega Ninjas: Gun. Elsa: High Yield Explosive Rocket Launcher. Literally loses fights to the Knife People, because she can't bring her power to bear on that scale. But if you can give her Time and Prep? No contest.

Long distance AoE

Like  you know how Nagato is literally dying of starvation due to illness and can't walk, but he's also capable of leveling powerful villages more or less on his own?

Elsa is the same Vibe.

It’s like sealing a bijuu in a civilian.

She's honestly both more and less powerful? Like it'd be hard for her to kill everyone in Konoha in the snap of a finger? But also, she could starve out the Country of Fire in a summer.

She WOULDN'T, but she could.

I always read Elsa as gay or ace but my brain keeps trying to ship her with dude ninjas and I have to yank it back on a child leash.

People insinuate that Zabuza is interested in Elsa and he's just "What? Ew she's like five."

"I'm eighteen."

"Five."

BUT

Elsa! Might mistake trust and companionship for a crush!

I can see THAT happening despite gay/ace.

Also like. I don’t think Zabuza is straight.

So mlm/wlw solidarity?

And Haku is probs genderqueer.

So Anna is THE TOKEN STRAIGHT.

Anna is like, the Straight Friend who will go to the mat for her queer friends. Like vicious. In-your-face barking like a mean dog at people who were being bigots.

You know how Elsa in the second movie uses her powers to make toys for kids out of ice?

Okay, so her practicing by making things with Haku.

But yeah, Elsa can't really do "throws ice senbon," but she can do Delicate Geometry Things since she apparently, canonically studies math for fun and loves fractals.

Haku: I can trap you in a prison of ice mirrors, and you are at my mercy. Elsa: LOOK AT THIS CASTLE I MADE???

Haku wants to do Pretty Things like Elsa

OH.

Elsa makes... snow bunnies..

For the ninja distraction reasons but also because it's a Soft Thing that makes her feel better about, uh, everything. And Haku likes bunnies.

Zabuza still takes The Dirty Missions but Elsa gets upset when he does something that hurts innocents and Nobody wants Elsa upset. Even Zabuza doesn't want Elsa upset.

When Elsa gets upset, overnight accommodations are suddenly Very Uncomfortable for everyone except her and Haku.

And then Anna gets upset, which makes Elsa even MORE upset.

And then things just keep getting colder.

Zabuza doesn't want Elsa upset for many reasons, not limited to: "Is actually capable of killing me from outside of Sword Range if she's mad enough, even if it’s not that easy" and "the Small Children would be unbearably sad if she died and honestly so might I."

She's more of a friend than a ward and he's not entirely sure he's okay with that.

Zabuza: "Ew, friendship."

He has absolutely no idea how to have a social interaction with people he isn't Bullying, Raising, or Threatening to Kill.

Elsa and Anna have no trouble convincing people they're related, at least. Different coloration with almost identical bone structure.

A tendency to burst into song when they feel emotions.

Identical weird accent that nobody can place.

FOOD

The girls are royalty, they don't know how to COOK.

But they also want food from HOME.

It's a lot of trial and error.

More error than not, since they have both no knowledge and also a language barrier to overcome. It probably takes YEARS before they can describe things like Unfamiliar Flavors well enough for people to say "OH that sounds like spearmint."

When they run into something they know that’s familiar, it’s life-changing.

Chocolate is more common in the elemental nations than in Arandelle and Anna may or may not cry about it.

Anna is loudly bossy, even at Zabuza.

Zabuza is gruffly commanding, to everyone.

Elsa doesn't actually like being in charge, but when she talks, people LISTEN.

(Haku is just happy to be here.)

Elsa radiates two things: Anxiety, and Natural Command, and she basically just fluctuates between those.

"I don't want to be in charge but also I'm vetoing this."

So, obviously, the main reasons that Zabuza keeps the girls around is that Elsa is a living siege weapon and he thinks she could be convinced to help him run a revolution in Kiri, and also that the Ice Queen schtick is like. Really good for Haku and Zabuza can’t really say no to the kid.

HOWEVER, Anna is clumsy and messy and all that, so Zabuza starts training her in Ninja stuff. Elsa joins in on the “I need to know how to Run Fast to get away from fights I don’t want to have in the first place,” but Anna’s the one that’s like “TEACH ME HOW TO SWORD.”

It’s honestly not that hard to teach her, she’s just really, really, REALLY enthusiastic.

Once or twice someone asks why she’s so bad at this yet running around with an A-rank nukenin and Zabuza’s just like “I’ve only had her for a year and a half, shut up!” because it’s not that he’s a bad teacher, it’s that she was a very pampered civilian until like a week before he met her.

He should get a MEDAL for even getting her to low Chuunin.

Zabuza: I'm taking a job from Gato Elsa, who has Training in economics and politics and bureaucracy: I have a better idea.

This is actually not entirely what I’d do but I wanted to make the joke first ANYWAY here’s an actual plot or something.

Oh, also by this point everyone is Canon Ages so Elsa’s 21 and Anna’s 18 and Zabuza’s 26 and Haku’s 15.

Elsa is getting paid to keep the water from interfering with construction, by way of....

ICE COFFERDAM

Elsa with Haku as her Guard while Zabuza is off running his own mission? Which Anna begged to go on because Cool.

Elsa also kind of keeps her involvement on the ice front semi-secret by claiming she’s there as an engineering consultant.

LISTEN canon made her like geometry, I can ENTIRELY believe she’d be excited about the bridge-building.

Gato has hired someone else on the danger level of Zabuza, who is Threatening to Team 7 + Haku? But then when things look bleak Anna and Zabuza arrive and then Scary Sword Man is on our side and oh dear that's a lot of blood.

Which, you know, fun!

Birdie suggested Raiga which I’m not feeling but I do feel the need to bring up as an option.

It’s also not Kisame BUT

Kisame: [giant lake dome filled with sharks]

Elsa: uhhhhhhhhhhh...

Giant lake dome: [is now a giant ice dome]

Anyway

Gato: I'm hiring an army. Elsa: [giant ice wall around his compound] Gato: ... these guys can walk up walls! Elsa: [adds snowman guards] Elsa: ... Elsa: [adds a ceiling]

Just puts Gato's entire mob in a fucking snow globe.

Zabuza shows up twenty minutes late with (Throwing) Star(buck)s just like "Oh, they dead? No? Want 'em to be? Okay cool I'm gonna go pick up Haku, I'll be back in like an hour."

Anna would... LOVE Naruto

ENERGETIC FRIENDLY GOOFBALL

"I found us a baby brother!" "No, we already have Haku." "BUT LOOK AT HIM."

Anna is only a year or two older than Itachi.

OH RIGHT

I wanted to make a joke about how Naruto also vibes with her because he's less judgmental that she can't really... talk properly.

Sasuke is Judgy and Kakashi is Paranoid and Sakura is Uncomfortable.

Meanwhile Naruto is just like "And I Shall Scream."

Anna, who learned Japanese from Zabuza (rude) and Haku (uber polite): WELL FUCK YOU, GOOD SIR Naruto: YEAH WELL FUCK YOU TOO, LADY Elsa, overly formal: I am... so very sorry.

Anyway, generic missing nin fights and all that.

Elsa gets injured in the process and after a variety of arguments, Naruto manages to convince them to take her to Konoha for medical attention.

Elsa is... usually the one getting injured.

Zabuza and Haku are FAST and Anna is at least learning (even if she’s only been doing it for three years), but Elsa is The Squishy Wizard.

If someone throws a kunai... she can’t... really dodge...

So yeah, gut wound.

Normally they find a nukenin medic to patch them up but Konoha is reasonably close and has some of the more skilled medics on the continent and they DID technically help the Konoha nin so like. Gah.

That’s Zabuza’s final thought. Gah.

Just “Fuck it, let’s save the ice queen.”

Elsa ends up in a half-literal-ice stasis state on the way there and it’s happened before (it is not the first time she’s been stabbed), but it’s always terrifying.

Especially to the Konoha genin who are just like WHAT THE HECK IS THAT.

So they get to Konoha, there’s a whole bunch of stuff about extradition treaties and “you are bringing a literal WMD of a woman into our town” and “we can’t just let MOMOCHI ZABUZA in.”

Anyway, it ends up being that Zabuza has to wait outside the village while Elsa is treated inside, and one of the Teenagers goes in. Obviously, it’s Anna, because Zabuza is INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE with letting Haku enter a village that’s known for having lots of bloodlines, and anyway, Anna’s the sister.

Bunch of stuff, she’s healing, etc, and then one day Anna comes in and is told “your sister had a bad reaction to the anesthetic, we couldn’t save her, I’m sorry, she’s gone.”

She flips out, gets shown the corpse, flips out MORE, gets escorted out to the village walls where Zabuza and Haku are waiting.

Horrified reactions

Zabuza doesn’t want to admit that it’s EMOTIONS because this is his FRIEND, he is clearly just upset about losing the living siege weapon.

Haku is just super confused and goes “But she’s not dead.”

“What.”

“She’s not dead, I can feel her, I can always feel her, it’s like sensing but just her, because we’re both ice. She’s alive, somewhere over... there?”

And points right in the direction of the Hokage Mountain, which for the purposes of this fic and also Drama is where ROOT headquarters is.

YEP we absolutely have that plot point.

Is Danzo overused as a plot device? Probably. Am I going to diabolus ex machina him anyway? Ye.

They kick up enough of a fuss that the Hokage gets called down.

He wouldn’t, normally, he’d leave it to a couple of skilled jounin and call it a day, except Naruto got involved so like. You can’t. Ignore that.

There’s lots of shouting.

Just like. A lot.

And then part of the mountain explodes!

AS ONE DOES

Elsa comes flying backwards out of the hole, catches herself on a spontaneous ice slide, gets to her feet.

Girl is swaying like MAD.

There are absolutely ANBU (both fake and real) coming after her.

At least one of them gets speared through by an ice spike.

Anna runs up to her, tries to hug her, gets batted away.

Elsa’s staring at her in sheer TERROR and starts muttering something about how Anna died years ago, this isn’t real, etc.

Nobody except Anna understands most of it, but Haku picks up enough to translate when Anna’s freaking out.

Elsa starts doing her Ice Castle thing in the middle of Konoha as a coping mechanism, mostly so she can get Up and Away and Shielded By Ice.

This is not a good look.

Especially because she’s singing, which Zabuza always thinks is a bad omen because it means shit is getting real and one or both of the girls are about to get a powerup or be beaten even harder than otherwise. When they start singing, things get More Dramatic And Extreme).

(Zabuza does not like Disney Musical Rules)

Danzo shows up.

There’s a bunch of arguing.

All the medics insist that nothing she was given at the hospital should have caused amnesia, psychosis, hallucinations, delusions, etc.

It’s. Not hard for Hiruzen to guess what happened.

Namely that Danzo, upon finding out that chakra dampeners didn’t do shit since none of Elsa’s powers come from chakra, decided to keep her drugged up and start using genjutsu to make her more malleable.

Because like. An injured WMD just showed up in your village. What are you supposed to do, not try to kidnap her and turn her to your side? Like, come on. What was he supposed to do?

Not that, Danzo. Literally Not That.

IDK how it gets resolved, probably Anna getting to her with the power of love, because Elsa is ultimately Super Disney.

I also don’t really know where to go from there other than “Maybe Jiraiya can get you home, but also I’m pretty sure Zabuza wants you all to get the hell out of here and take over Kiri” but who knows.

Also

IMAGINE ELSA MEETING GAI.

Imagine Ino getting a puppy crush on Elsa.

IDK that’s it for now.

#Frozen #Naruto #Momochi Zabuza #Yuki Haku #Zabuza #Haku #mini fic #Phoenix Babbles #Crossovers #Phoenix Posts

[shihalyfie]

02 and the question of “what a life is”

One topic more specific to 02 is the question of what exactly counts as being “alive”, which is initially brought up as a question when Ken discarding the Kaiser persona is directly caused by the revelation that he might have misjudged this, leading into the second half of the series where other issues reveal that it’s not as easy of a question as one thinks. In the end, 02 never gives a concrete answer about what constitutes the boundary between something that’s “alive” and “not alive” -- but, being a series that’s very much about pragmatism, gives a much clearer answer as to what one should do about it.

While it’s not named directly in the series itself (I’m not sure if this specific named concept was the intent, as it’s since expanded to become a fairly ubiquitous theme in sci-fi and fantasy overall), 02 deals heavily with a question related to a thought experiment called the “Chinese room problem”, which originated as a question related to artificial intelligence development and has since expanded into having philosophical and spiritual nuances (perhaps fittingly for Digimon Adventure, which is heavily about digital technology and sci-fi but mixes it with a lot of philosophical and spiritual imagery).

The Chinese room problem goes like this: let’s say you’re a person who has never learned, studied, or grown up with the Chinese language (or, really, any language you can’t understand or read; Chinese was only used as an example because the person explaining the thought experiment was using himself as an example and couldn’t read or understand it). You’re locked in a room that has a bunch of Chinese phrasebooks that give you instructions -- basically, they indicate common Chinese phrases, and sensible responses you can give to them (without actually translating it to a language you know). Someone slips you a piece of paper under the door with some Chinese phrases on them. You use the phrasebooks to write appropriate responses, and slip the paper back. The person outside the door reads the paper, sees what they gave you, and sees the response you gave them. It makes sense, of course, because the phrasebook told you to write an answer that made sense. But can you be said to actually understand Chinese? No, because you were just following instructions without actually understanding what they meant.

So let’s expand this to make it a bit more complicated: say you have an AI or a robot or something of the sort that accepts “input” -- people saying things to it, or showing it things -- and gives expected “responses” that seem sensible, through a bunch of complicated programs and processes in its programming. Can you say this robot is “alive”? One might say “no”, because, no matter how complicated and intricate it is, all of it is technically following a set of routine commands telling it to do certain things in response...or so you might say, but couldn’t you say the same thing about a human brain, which also takes input, processes it according to its own instructions (just caused by chemical processes instead of bytes and code), and creates output? After a certain point, this question is going to become far more of a philosophical, spiritual, and potentially even religious question than anything.

Adventure and 02 undoubtedly have a very spiritual element to it, given the heavy usage of Neoplatonic themes, the concept of “destiny” that hangs heavily over it, and the fact that Digimon themselves are heavily linked to spiritual things like Japanese youkai or other spirits and literally being part of the human soul. Digimon partners are treated as part of their partners’ human psyches, yet are also treated as individuals. And, in the end, it’s driven home that Digimon are made out of data -- but “digital technology” is treated as something that can communicate with such spiritual things. So here’s the question: At what point can a Digimon be called a living being?

Well, really, the first time this had really been brought up was the allusion to the issue in Adventure episode 20 -- when Taichi takes the revelation of the Digital World being a “digital” world a bit too literally and decides to treat it as a game, acting a bit too recklessly as a result. Koushirou himself buys into the theory of “real bodies” (which turns out to be false; this isn’t a Matrix situation where their bodies are sleeping somewhere, but they are actually being migrated here), but the point by the end of this episode is: just because everything is “data” doesn’t mean you get to treat it any less lightly. Do not treat the Digital World like a “game world” or something you can fiddle with at will.

Even if the technicals may make it seem like a computer, the reality of the situation is that everything you do has a permanent effect that you cannot instantly take back. It doesn’t matter what it’s “made” up out of; the issue is more about what you do, and the practical impact it has on what’s around you. (This will very important for later, so keep this in mind as we go.)

So by the time we get to 02, the first time this issue is brought up again is in 02 episode 20, when Ken, as the Kaiser, recognizes the kids’ Digimon Baby forms as the “plushies” he’d seen them carrying in real life during the soccer match back in 02 episode 8, which reveals a lot about his mentality in approaching the Digital World and Digimon -- he’d been under the impression that Digimon couldn’t leave it, apparently, and that they were therefore all part of a simulated game. Driving it in further is that Wormmon refers to the Digimon having “bodies” (as in, physical bodies), which trips Ken’s radar that there’s a lot more to this than he’d thought. There’s also a lot of evidence that Ken wasn’t just solely trying to buy into this concept for the sake of denial and self-justification; up until this point, he’d been noticeably hesitant to physically harm other humans, so he really did buy into there being a substantial difference here.

...But, funnily enough, we later learn in a flashback in 02 episode 23 that Ken didn’t necessarily always have this attitude of “Digimon aren’t living beings, so I get to do whatever I want with them” back during his original adventures with Wormmon in the Digital World. One could argue that maybe he “knew” that Digimon were alive back then and the Dark Seed just made him forget through trauma, but even Taichi hardly treated the Digimon badly back when he thought that everything was a “game” back in Adventure (rather, he was reckless with himself more than anything). Later in this very series, there’ll end up being a massive debate on what exactly constitutes a Digimon having a “soul”. No, the real issue is actually...

What tips Ken over the edge into discarding the Kaiser persona is empathy -- when he retroactively reflects on the implications of the Digimon being “alive” meaning that every single action he’d done had an impact on causing “pain” or “torture” on others. That’s why it didn’t matter so much to him back then, because he was willing to treat Wormmon with the respect of a living being, regardless of what he was made out of (and, really, humans are more likely to be kind to things than otherwise, even when they’re supposedly “artificial”; for an extreme example, see how people are inclined to treat their robotic vacuum cleaners like family members, or have a hard time picking rude choices in video games, and those are all things you have much less of an argument for there being any actual pain inflicted).

And, hence, the main reason why the kids rail so much on the Kaiser for suggesting the heresy of “resetting the Digital World”: because he’s treating something with the gravity of “reality” like it’s something he can just toy with for his own convenience. Who cares what it’s made up of? There are actual civilizations building a livelihood here and “living beings” that can feel pain or show emotion. Nobody ever gave the kids immediate knowledge that Digimon have souls or any higher answer like that -- it’s just that the Kaiser is a callous, unempathetic jerk who’s willing to toy with so many lives and living individuals for his own pleasure. And, most importantly, everything the Kaiser has done here is something he can’t take back, and has to accept the consequences of; this wasn’t a place where he could vent out his feelings of being unable to “take back” Osamu’s death and treat everything lightly.

It doesn’t actually matter what it’s made up of -- the fact is that they act like living beings, show obvious personal feelings and a propensity to feel pain, and thus have the right to be treated as such. If you’re practically able to observe this, then you should be respecting that.

Once Archnemon takes over the position as most prominent antagonist, the kids start dealing with her Dark Tower Digimon that she uses to indiscriminately destroy things. This initially creates a lot of confusion for the kids, especially when Ken and Stingmon so easily kill Thunderballmon and it looks to them like he’s gone right back into sadism after supposedly being reformed -- thus, this would provide an issue with Ken’s apparent lack of empathy if he’s allowed to keep going, because he (seemingly) hasn’t learned his lesson and will go on to keep hurting more victims.

When Golemon goes to destroy the dam, it’s repeatedly commented on how unusual it is for a Digimon to just go and destroy a dam for no reason except to ruin people’s lives -- even the enemies back in Adventure at least had a power-hungry motive, and the non-verbal “wild” ones back in File Island were ultimately territorial at worst, and certainly not interested in wanton destruction without reason. On top of that, in fact, only two people -- Iori and Miyako -- in this group of five are actually that vehemently in favor of trying to spare Golemon for the sheer reason of it being a living being -- Daisuke starts to consider the fact that it may become necessary to save potential victims before Ken is even brought into the picture, Takeru points out how close they are to push-coming-to-shove, and Hikari clearly laments the fact it may become possible but doesn’t take nearly of the strong “we absolutely cannot do this” stance that Iori and Miyako have. And, after all, Takeru and Hikari were there back in Adventure when killing some very sentient Digimon became necessary, and learned that it may be something you have to do if you want to prevent more victims, and Daisuke had personally been a victim of Vamdemon back in 1999 and also happens to be one of the most pragmatic in this group.

Thus, the reveal that Golemon is actually a Dark Tower Digimon confirms two things for them: firstly, that it’s very unlikely that Golemon is powered by anything but a sheer instinct of wanton destruction, and secondly, that Ken does, indeed, have a concept of empathy. The kids had already noticed that something was “unusual” about Golemon in that it seemed to be incapable of independent action, just an order to “mindlessly destroy”, and it being what the series refers to as “a Dark Tower in the shape of a Digimon” just happens to confirm that it may not actually be that capable of independent action or emotion -- which they then realize that Ken also realized, and thus that he wasn’t killing Digimon out of callousness. This is, also, effectively, the same reason they’d been okay with killing Chimeramon earlier -- because there was absolutely no evidence that it had been capable of sentient reason or anything besides “destruction on instinct”.

So, again: their judgment on the situation is based on a practical observation about whether the entity in question was capable of having emotions or independent thought, and, again, a question of empathy...

...because we learn that the same process, when applied to enough Dark Towers, is enough to create a Digimon who is capable of that kind of independent thought and doesn’t feel up to taking orders, regardless of whether Archnemon is his “creator” or not. So we’ve got a demonstration of a Digimon who’s clearly capable of independent thought in ways the other Dark Tower Digimon are not (he even voices “envy” for the other single-tower Digimon Archnemon creates for being unable to think about anything), and starts exhibiting irrational behavior and the concept of “emotions”.

Recall the issue of the Chinese room problem: if we’re talking about a room of phrasebooks that simply take one input and export output, you, in the middle of the room, can’t really be said to be “understanding” Chinese. But the more complex the inputs and expected outputs get, the more complicated and intricate and explanatory those phrasebooks are going to need to be, and at some point, given a complicated enough question you get, if you’re capable of answering that in the same way a human might be expected to, that information in the phrasebooks will have to be explanatory enough to an extent you’ll be said to understand Chinese. Exactly “how complicated” or “how nuanced” does a program get before we tip that boundary? Clearly there is some difference between BlackWarGreymon and the other Dark Tower Digimon, but what is it?

And when 02 episode 32 comes around and Agumon decides to have a little bonding chat with BlackWarGreymon, even he can't answer the question definitively as to what a "soul" or “heart” is -- nobody in this narrative can, and this series has no answer. There’s no real clear-cut rule as to the boundary as to when one can be considered sentient. But while Agumon may not be able to immediately yank out deep philosophy, he at least has a deep level of insight and understanding as to what it means -- you have feelings for others, you have emotions, you have things you want that aren’t necessarily what others expect you to do, and you can bring your own perspective to the table.

The debate over what to do with this also leads to the rift between Takeru and Iori that they have to work towards mending during their Jogress arc -- Takeru’s trauma regarding Patamon in Adventure has spiraled him all the way over into prejudice against anything related to the darkness, and Iori, who understands there’s more to the situation than that, but also happens to be on the other extreme of considering it immoral to kill anything regardless of whether it’s about to murder a ton of other victims while it’s at it.

Ultimately, Adventure and 02 is a narrative that prioritizes “pragmatism” first, and the moment it’s made clear BlackWarGreymon isn’t going to cause problems anymore, the kids all decide it’s fine to let him be. In the end, whether BlackWarGreymon is “alive” is a philosophical question, but...

...whether they should hold back in fighting just to “spare lives” really has no bearing on that question. Enemies like LadyDevimon and the other Digimon the kids are ultimately forced to end up fighting are clearly alive with their own emotions -- it’s just that those emotions do happen to be uncontrolled sadism and an active desire for wanton destruction. Miyako herself even observes that LadyDevimon is a “coward” -- but she’s also still emotionally torn by the fact they end up killing her, and the story also doesn’t give her grief for this, because there’s no sin for her to have empathy. She recognized what it meant to kill a life, but they also cannot be blamed for taking that life in the process of saving multiple others. The issue of “whether it’s alive or not” had always been a separate question from the morality of fighting said lives -- and, either way, it’s still valuable that characters like Hikari, Miyako, and the other Chosen Children aren’t necessarily doing this because they like doing it, because it’s still important to keep that feeling of “empathy” in their hearts, even if push did ultimately come to shove.

So when BlackWarGreymon does return, again, nobody has an answer for him on whether he has a soul or not, but in 02 episode 47, Agumon, V-mon, and Wormmon encourage him to embrace the concept of life by “experiences” -- happiness, sadness, pain, playing and enjoying life with those you care about. Because those experiences are “real”, and Agumon himself says that “those experiences have made me who I am”; regardless of the higher philosophical question of whether he has a soul or not, he’s still someone who’s capable of having experiences and acting based on his memory of them, and that’s what’s really important. And hence, when BlackWarGreymon sacrifices himself one episode later, it’s because he understands the meaning of “doing something for others”, and is also implicitly mourned by the other Digimon, who had never failed to see him as “someone they could have befriended”, regardless of what he had originally been made up of.

It’s also why the kids are so traumatized by Archnemon and Mummymon’s deaths in 02 episode 48 -- they had no reason to be personally attached to them prior to that, and Archnemon had even said that her personal goals were nothing but wanton destruction in 02 episode 29 (which had been the first time Iori had really considered that pacifism may not be completely possible here). All of the wacky hijinks between the two of them had largely been outside of their view. But even back in 02 episodes 36-37, the kids had understood that there was some degree that they were harmless if left alone, and in the end, they watched Archnemon die in unambiguous pain and Mummymon die in the name of true love, by dying in a suicide attack because of his despair over losing her.

Archnemon and Mummymon had ultimately turned out to be “artificial lives” on their own, created at the hands of Oikawa to be his minions, and also somewhat guided by “wanton destruction” and not entirely fully aware of what they wanted to do independent of him -- BlackWarGreymon’s existential crisis had caused them to question their place in the world in 02 episode 47...and quickly shrug it off again. Could you say anything about whether they were alive or not, or whether they had souls? Perhaps it doesn’t really matter -- whether or not they were able to fully have deep thought the same way BlackWarGreymon and the other Digimon had, they at the very least were able to feel attachment and pain, and that alone deserved to be respected.

In the end, you could say that’s 02′s answer -- or non-answer -- to the Chinese room problem. You may not be able to answer the intrinsic philosophical question of whether it’s got a “soul” or is “alive” or not, but if it’s clearly demonstrating an observable and practical phenomenon of showing emotions, acting on some degree of independent will, taking in experiences and acting on them, and being able to feel a sense of pain, then you should still treat it with the appropriate amount of empathy -- regardless of what it’s made out of.

Incidentally, we do actually get a very small revisiting of this topic in Kizuna, when Menoa creates a ton of Eosmon by “scientific” methods -- and, much like the Dark Tower Digimon, they’re not recognized as living beings by anyone in this narrative, because their behavior is clearly that of mindlessly following Menoa’s orders; Yamato won’t consider it a Digimon, and Menoa herself even acknowledges that this is in no way a real “partner” like her true one, Morphomon. What does get Menoa to recognize Morphomon within Eosmon is when it does one thing -- smile -- that’s clearly outside that view, and an obvious show of independent emotion, leading Menoa to realize that her true, living partner may be closer than she’d thought.

#digimon #digimon adventure 02 #kizuna spoilers #shihameta

[bluebellwriting]

Love Me Tender Part 3

(Note: I know Molly hasn’t been confirmed as a demon nor is she in Hell, but for the sake of the story, I’m saying that she is a demon and she is in Hell. There’s not a lot of information on the spider fam so I’m going to be taking some liberties here)

Sunday dinners at your dad’s home have always a tradition, even when you all were alive. It wasn’t religious, Lord knows if it had been you probably wouldn’t have ended up here. But when your family spends every day of their lives and afterlives meeting with mob bosses, disposing of bodies, and doing drugs, it was nice to have a reason to come together and remind each other that you were all still here. It was because of those dinners and the evenings spent cooking with your Nonna that your love of cooking came to fruition.

Oh, your Nonna. You’ve tried looking for her down here, even though you know that there was no way she was deserving of a place like this. She was a saint, the mother you deserved instead of the mother you actually had. Your mother was cold, lazy, vain, couldn’t care for her children to save her life, judgmental -- she always insisted you try whatever insane weight loss trend was popular. Nonna was kind, understanding, taught you to be tough but also how to take care of those you loved, and never tried to pit you and your sister against each other. She’s honestly the only reason yours and Molly’s relationship survived.

But when she died, you took over as the family’s cook as the only person who could actually make something without burning it. Until you yourself died at the ripe age of 23, long before the rest of your family. Your family doesn’t talk about it much, but you can just imagine what the first dinner without you was like. How sad and empty, how burnt the food must have been if there even was any.

But you’re together again and your dinners were able to survive your family’s plunge into the afterlife. Apparently, so did your family home.

As soon as you entered the threshold of the home, you and Angel were smushed into a hug by Molly.

“My darlings!” She cries. Angel and you snuggle into the warm arms of your sister and wrap your arms around her.

“How are ya, Mol?” Angel asks.

“Oh, ya know, same old, same old.”

“Are those creeps giving you trouble at the store?” You take a step back and eye your sister up and down, looking for any physical manifestation that those creepy men crushing on your sister are up to no good.

“Not since you had a little chat with them, (N/N),” she teases.

Molly’s eyes brighten at the sight of your outfit.

“Ooh! You’re wearing the new skirt and blouse! It’s so pretty on you, (Y/N)! And I know I always say this but you have a great rack girl, ya gotta show it off like this more.”

You blush brightly and cross your arms over your torso.

“Gee thanks, Molly,” you mumble.

“I don’t know how you haven’t found a man yet with that bod!” She squeals and pinches your cheeks.

“Well, since ya mentioned it...” Angel smirks.

“Nope!” You shout and storm further into the house to avoid your baby siblings.

Molly looks back at Angel with an arched brow, the question looming in the air.

You make it to the kitchen, where your father and brother are heating up the food you left here last week. You turn your nose up.

“You know, I could have made something fresh. This is all a week old! And here I thought you were going to cook for once.”

“Very funny, (Y/N),” Niss grumbles, stirring the pasta sauce you had brought over last time.

“How are ya, sweetheart?” Henroin gives you a warm hug, one that is snug and warm and reserved for his unofficially favorite child.

“I’m good, dad. Doing just fine.”

“They’re running you ragged at that hotel.”

“Which means I’m left to pick up the slack,” Niss growls. You pull away from the hug and pull your brother into a forceful hug, just to make him uncomfortable. You were the same height as Niss and a year younger, and as grumpy and infuriating he can be, you always felt the closest to him. You’d like to think he felt the same, considering he scolds you the least. Or maybe that’s just because you’re way stronger than him and you have wrestled him to the ground.

“I know, but I’m doing this for Angel--”

“Anthony,” Niss hisses.

“If he tells me he wants to go by Angel, then I’m calling him Angel.” You narrow your eyes, your irises flashing a dangerous red and your teeth grow into vicious fangs in an instant. Niss rolls his eyes but backs down, trying to hide the shiver that went up his spine.

“I still don’t see how they’re supposed to help him.”

“Neither do I but I genuinely believe that that hotel is his only chance.”

“But why do you have to be there, too?” Your father asks.

“Because I’m the only one who knows how to handle him,” you beam.

“And because she’s dating the Radio Demon,” Molly squeals as she bursts in the kitchen, followed closely by a smirking Angel.

“What?!” Your brother and dad yell.

“I am not dating the Radio Demon, right, Angel?” You stalk over to him and stomp on his foot.

“Ah! Fine, fine. But she’s got him wrapped around her little finger, don’t ya, sis?”

“What the hell does that mean, (Y/N)?” Niss growls. Your father just stares at you, his eyes empty of all emotion but his shoulders are tensed.

“It means nothing. We work together and. That’s. It.” Everyone in the kitchen is staring at you. Angel is smirking, Molly is biting her lip as she holds in a squeal, Niss looks as though he’s about to punch a wall, and your dad is still staring at you. Their eyes are like deadly sunbeams and your body is a wilting flower. You wrap your arms around yourself, wishing the ground would just swallow you up and transport you to Second Hell, or whatever lies beyond this reality. A part of you finds yourself longing for arms to hold you, to wrap around you and shield you. Longing for grey arms in a red suit to protect you.

Oh jeez, maybe you do love him.

“The sauce is burning,” you break the silence and move towards the stove. “Is the pasta ready?”

“Yeah,” Henroin says and brings a bowl of noodles to the already set table. You turn the stove off and slip on two oven mitts to bring over the pot of sauce.

“Sit down,” you command. Your siblings scurry to their seats as your dad and you arrange everything on the table.

Once you’ve all sat and filled your plates (and taken away Angel’s phone), you turn to your dad.

“So what was the big announcement?” You ask.

Henroin swallows, “Not so much of an announcement, more of a request of you and Anth-- Angel. I know this hotel has been good for you,” he says to your brother. “And it sounds like it’s been... good for you too, (Y/N). But I need you to start pulling your weight around here, especially you, (Y/N).”

“Why me?” (Y/N) you ask, sending your father an incredulous look. “I thought I told you I wanted out of all of that nasty business.”

“Because some of our partners respond better to you. You have a way with people, in the way that is below my stature and beyond anything your brother can do.”

“Dad!” Niss yells, offended.

“Shut up. Now listen, (Y/N), you can still stay at the hotel, do whatever the hell it is you do there,” he gives you a pointed look, hinting that he hasn’t forgotten the Radio Demon business.

“But when I need you to attend a meeting or negotiation,” he continues. “I expect you to be there. You owe your family that.”

You look down at your barely-picked-at-plate, having suddenly lost your appetite.

“I’m guessing you have a meeting soon that you think I’d be well-suited for,” you mumble.

“There’s an Overlord we need to do some business with and I finally convinced her to have an audience. But word on the street is that she responds better to friends or women. And since we’re not friends and I’m definitely not sending Molly--”

“Daddy, you wound me!”

“--That leaves you, kid. We’re counting on you.”

You nod your head. The conversation continues, your siblings argue, Henroin gives you details for the meeting but you let it all wash over you like a wave. You actually thought you could finally start living for yourself for once, that you could stop taking care of others. You were wrong.

---

The city is alive with the sound of laughing and screaming, but all you can think about is the meeting tomorrow with Rosie, an Overlord and the owner of Rosie’s Emporium. Your eyes are heavy from the chaotic dinner, the three times you had to keep Niss from launching himself across the table at Angel, Molly talking your ear off about some cute man who would be perfect for you, and the new weight that has been added to your shoulders. It takes everything in you not to crash the car on your way home.

When you arrive back at the hotel it’s late at night and somehow Angel has boundless energy. He prances to the door, calling out about some party he’s been invited to by Cherri.

“Angel, it’s a Sunday night,” You scold.

“And? My work doesn’t exactly require me to be up and at em at 8, doll.” He bursts through the doors and immediately goes over to Husk and the bar, probably to pregame. You shuffle your way inside after him, rubbing your temples in an effort to tame the ache developing in your head.

“Oh, darling,” Alastor sings. He dances into the lobby from the kitchen, smile as wide as ever, holding two steaming mugs. Except instead of one of his pristine suits, he is dressed in slacks, suspenders, a shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a red apron. He looks completely and utterly adorable, and you’re just loving the view of his lithe forearms.

As soon as he heard Angel’s voice bothering Husk, Alastor came running to the lobby with the hot chocolate he had spent hours perfecting. His first batch was too bitter, the second far too sweet for anyone’s liking, and the third was accidentally consumed by Charlie (who is now hiding somewhere in the hotel to avoid his wrath). Plus, he had to endure Charlie’s relentless teasing. But he was certain this would be the perfect cup of liquid goodness to impress his sweetest darling. And judging by your tense shoulders and the stress in the lines of your face, you would definitely be needing something to lift your spirits.

“Goodness, did the dinner not go well?”

You released a deep, exhausted sigh, and lifted your head slowly to meet his eyes. For a moment, Alastor wonders if this might have been the wrong move. You were clearly worn out. You probably just wanted to shut yourself in your room and go to bed and not have anything to do with him and his boyish attempts to woo you. Hot chocolate, really? What was he thinking? Someone like you deserved something lavish, and you would probably scoff at something so simple as a hot drink.

His shoulders deflate at your lack of smile.

“It went about the same as it always did,” you sigh. “Siblings fighting, me saving dinner, my sister trying to set me up with some man.”

Alastor has to restrain the growl bubbling up in his chest.

Your eyes fall to the two mugs in his hands. You sniff the air and smile at the rich scent.

“Is that hot chocolate?”

“Oh... yes, it is.”

“Mm, is there any left?”

“Well of course! I made this cup especially for you, dearest!” He practically shoves the mug into your hands.

You quickly lift the mug to your lips and hope to all that is good and holy that he chalks your blushing cheeks to the heat of the drink.

“Oh, Alastor, this is wonderful. Thank you. I really needed this after the night I had.” You smile up at him, the lines in your face easing immediately. It’s enough to make the Radio Demon’s knees quake.

“You are absolutely welcome...” He pauses. The original plan was to woo you with the drink, whisk you off to a remote corner of the hotel, and attempt to confess his undying love to you. But the yawn you try to stifle almost causes him to deflate. Almost.

“Would like to talk about it, love? I’m all ears! U-Unless you’re too tired. You absolutely do not have to--”

Love. Love. You grip the mug tighter.

“Actually, Alastor, that would be lovely. If you don’t mind.”

Alastor grins.

“Not at all.”

He places a hand on the small of your back and transports you both to the library. He snaps his fingers and a fire lights up the room for you both. You flop onto the couch and Alastor takes a seat beside you, making a point to sidle up to you as you proceed to detail everything about your day.

At first you were rather restrained, convinced that the last thing this important, powerful, strong, kind, considerate, lovely man wanted was to listen to your problems. But as he asked more and more questions, he opened you up like an oyster, waiting patiently for the pearl inside.

“So now I’m meeting with this Rosie tomorrow. Something about transporting her goods across territories.”

“Rosie, you say?”

“Yes. Oh, do you know her?”

“Why yes! She’s an old and dear friend. But, um, quite ruthless towards strangers. You said you’re going alone?”

“Right.”

“Is that... normal? I mean, for you to go alone to meet such dangerous individuals.”

“Oh, yes. I’ve been doing so since I was 18 and alive.”

Alastor chokes on his drink.

“That young?”

“I grew up in the mafia, Al.” You send him a coy smile. “I’m not as defenseless as I look.”

“Oh, I never doubted that, dearest, but... to not have anyone there for support...”

“When you grow up the way I did, you learn not to trust anyone. Not fully at least, and definitely not until you know them well enough.”

“Is that right... Do... Do you trust me, then? Or have I not earned that honor?” Alastor smiles at you but within he is a mess. This is it. The moment you tell him that he’s far too dangerous, too vicious, too disgusting for you to ever let into your life in the way he craves.

“You’re on your way.” You smirk at him and the light floods back into his body. That’s a start.

“So, would you allow me to accompany you tomorrow then?”

“Oh, no, Alastor I could never impose on you like that--” He’s just being polite, you tell yourself. He doesn’t actually want to spend time with you outside of the hotel, isn’t actually concerned with whether you die at the hands of this Rosie.

“Nonsense, my darling.” He leans down, smelling the chocolate on your breath. His nose is so close to yours, your lips just as near to his. He could lean forward just a bit, feign a fall, just for one chance to kiss you like he’s dreamed.

“I would love nothing more than to be your knight in shining armor.”

You smile, “Just to be clear, if you are going to escort me, Alastor. I am no damsel in distress.” You boop his nose and giggle at the hot blush on his cheeks.

“But,” you continue, “I would love nothing more than to have your company tomorrow.”

“Well, then have it you shall, love.”

#alastor x reader #alastor x chubby!reader #hazbin hotel #x chubby!reader #x chubby reader #they say write the stories you want to see

[o-neillwith2ls]

I've waited for this!

Original/Fanfiction: Fanfiction

Fandom: Stargate SG-1

Rating: PG/13

Warning/ Triggers: none

FYI: The dates coinside with the airing of the eposides, some are a couple of days off but its obvious which one htey are meant to be.

14 July 2000

Carter,

I don't want this to be some soppy letter. I'm not good at expressing what it is I feel inside. I didn't even know until it was almost too late, until I saw you on the other side of that forcefield.

But you already know. I saw it in your eyes, and I wonder how long you've known.

You're smart. You've probably known a long time.

I can't even finish writing it out of fear this will be found, and my selfish feelings will rip you from me.

I promised myself that I won't be the reason your life gets ruined.

So, I'll wait.

28 July 2000

I could have lost you, Sam.

No sooner had we admitted to even a little more than our respective roles, you were mourning the death of the man and symbiote the Tok'ra who once shared your body loved for over 100 years.

I have no way of…. No, I have no right to comfort you.

I could have lost you, Sam.

Why does it feel like I already did?

4 Aug 2000

Sam,

I have something I have to admit and I'm not sure you'll like it.

I mean you did. Like it that is, but I have to bear in mind that it was consequences-free and you knew it.

For a blissful twenty seconds we were consequence-free.

You were surprised, but you soon relaxed; you were in my arms, and we were just two people together.

I'm sorry if my admission embarrasses or makes life awkward for you.

Believe me, it was the last of my intentions. I would never want to make you feel that way.

But I was curious and truly a free agent, and when Daniel pointed out I could do whatever I wanted free of consequence, my first thought was of you.

I think I'm in deep, Carter.

1 September 2000

Thera,

I'm addressing this to you as the man that can. Before too much of the man who can't admit it occupies my mind.

During the last few weeks, I have never been as happy, as complete, then I am with you. You make me happy, not my lack of memories.

I would never be a complete or real person without you.

It meant the world to me that we found each other and shared ourselves with each other.

I am yours whatever my name is.

Jonah.

15 September 2000

I remember a certain Blond Captain once asking me if I died would I regret anything.

Oxygen deprived really gets you evaluating as well as frostbite.

Turns out my biggest regret now would be in not telling you how I feel.

I still can't, so I hope you know I want to show you through my actions.

You came for me, Sam.

I live, because of you.

26 Jan 2001

Withdrawal is hard.

But it took everything in me not to overpower you and just get it over with.

I think there would be some kind of relief to the act, but I don't care for the feeling of regret after. Knowing what I would have done to you.

I might crave you for the rest of my life.

But this is stronger.

I'll be stronger for you, Sam.

29 June 2001

I lost Teal’c.

I can almost see you rolling your eyes at me, trying to comfort me, and tell me it’s not down to me.

But it is.

And I'm scared.

I'm scared next time it might be just as easily you.

I am a liability to your life.

In more ways than one.

Find someone, Sam, who can love you, protect you, and keep you safe. Can do all the things I want to.

Because I can't be trusted to be with you.

10 July 2001

Okay, I didn't expect you to move on that quick.

Or has it been slow?

Have you been trying to get over whatever it is we had? Of course, you're not as emotionally invested in this as me.

You have options.

Everyone who meets you loves you.

And this alien guy, Orlin, sees you for all the beautiful and wonderful things you are, and he got share it with you.

I want to be happy that you're loved.

I wish – no I didn't wish it were me.

I feel so selfish. I didn't believe you at first and you had to let go of something you wanted. You were caught… between saving the world or your own butt, of course you chose the former.

You… you'd give this world your heart on a platter.

And you had to do it alone.

I'm sorry, Sam.

7 September 2001

I lost you. Again.

All my fears rolled into one.

And it wasn't out there in the big wide void of space.

They took you here! From outside your gym!

I remember when I heard that gunshot which killed Charlie.

And then the memory of that dread spread through my body that day… that same dread overtook me.

We found you in the nick of time.

I don't know what I would do if they took you away from me now.

Because I love you.

2 March 2002

I won't lie. Today was a good day.

It wasn't because I got to tease the cadets into believing I'm a terrifying Colonel, although that was pretty spectacular.

It was a good day, because you stood by my side, you were with me and, to them, we might as well have been equals in rank in their eyes. And, Sam, that was a great feeling.

I love making you smile and laugh. I love we have lots of in jokes which scared the pants off those kids. I love--all of it.

I wish I could tell you.

15 March 2002

I love it when you're all happy and smiling.

But, Samantha Carter, there is something which turns me on so much and that’s when you're rightly indignant and you march on and prove them wrong!

Not only do I love it, but it saved Teal’c's life today.

Never stop being you.

17 May 2002

You want me to talk. To acknowledge my pain somehow.

I wish I could. If only for you, Sam.

I don’t think I can't verbalise the way I feel for you, not even those three simple words ‘I love you’ covers it.

Daniel brought me back from a precipice. One, I was sure had no route of escape. Yet he talked me from the edge. Even when he lived on Abydos for a year, he was the reason I didn't jump.

He was so full of hope and faith, and those kids I lied for.

They deserved to live.

Just like my Charlie.

So, I protected them as best as I could.

I protected Daniel, as best as I could.

And I still failed him. Failed them.

For all I love you, everything I love, dies.

I can't lose you, Sam.

So, I'm letting you go first.

19 July 2002

"I know I said I was letting you go. But I can't. The Tok'ra which they gave me looked inside of me and saw what I would do to protect you, and I ended up being tortured without the Tok'ra the wimp, who ran at first sight of trouble. Clearly, he didn't learn enough.

I'd do it all again to save you.

23 August 2002

I hate that the ship was taken from under our noses.

I love that you willingly sacrifice yourself to save the planet. I love that you don't think of yourself, that you would carry out exactly what is needed of you. I love you for holding out with no weapons, no way out until I got to you.

For all I love all this about you.

Please don't do it again.

Don't sacrifice yourself for this world.

Nothing in this world is worth that much.

24 Jan 2003

Thank you for believing in me so much.

I never quite say it, but I'm glad you're my second. I don't think anyone would willingly put their lives in my hands like you do.

It speaks volumes of the kind of trust we have. You knew without evidence, even though you've seen what I'm capable of.

Just thanks.

7 February 2003

It's like it's an annual thing! They try to take you from me. Your head on my shoulders, my heart in my throat. I could do nothing to save you.

The thought of losing you now to some psychopathic lunatic of a snake--

Losing Daniel was hard. Almost losing Teal’c was painful.

Losing you would be unbearable.

14 March 2003

A lot has gone on lately.

Daniel has helped ascend Abydos.

It's a painful reminder of where we all started, how this all started. It’s hard knowing I won't see Skaara again. I won't see him grow or raise a family. I won't see any of those kids again, and yet, they aren't dead and gone.

They've ascended, and if they're anything like Daniel, they'll show them how it should be done. It'll be good to have good people up there.

And yet in all of that, I think Skaara was trying to set us up! It's a sad case of affairs when I can't hide how I feel for you from a kid inviting me to his wedding!

But you didn't seem disgusted, you just seemed distant from the idea of us being romantically linked, jumping to "friends". I suppose it's not so terrible being your friend, it has led me to the conclusion that you no longer care for me the way you once did.

That's okay.

I want you to live your life. You're amazing inside and out, any man would be lucky. It's a shame, that's all. I wanted it to be me.

16 Jan 2004

I know it's been a while since I've written anything.

I thought I had started to get over you. Turns out the minute you go missing, I go crazy!

And T told me when Colonel Maybourne and I were stranded off world, you despaired at the thought of never seeing me again.

And I hoped -- I hoped you still wanted me, like I wanted you, but when we found you--I don't think you did.

I have to give up now, but if you ever find these letters, know that I will always be there for you. I will always care for you, if you need me, I'll always be by your side.

30 January 2004

It's bittersweet when you finally took my advice and found someone away from all this.

I always hoped it would have been me, but as long as you're happy -- I'll be happy for you, because you deserve the best in life -- and that's definitely not me.

I hope this guy is that guy.

I hope he gives you all you deserve.

6 February 2004

It scares me when I lose you. I've said it so many times in these letters, but it doesn't make it any less true. So, when you went missing at the Alpha site, even dad didn't believe you could still be alive.

I'm surprised. I thought he knew you better, if anyone can keep going to the last millisecond it's you, Carter.

Can I tell you something? When we found you all bruised and broken, you asked me to sit with you. I sat beside you and gathered you for a hug. It was to reassure myself. that you were alive, and real. Selfishly, I knew it was one of the only places your boyfriend wouldn't find us. Because I wanted you to myself, just to be sure you were safe.

20 February 2004

I should be telling you to talk to your boyfriend about this.

Not the specifics, but the situation.

That your best friend is dead. and your boss almost died too. I should be saying to you he can help; he'll understand how rough it is on you.

But I couldn't deny you. Never could.

When you stood in front of me crying telling me you were glad I was okay.

It felt like so much was not said, and we didn't confirm or deny anything, and maybe this physical barrier of a having a boyfriend was enough to let me comfort you as a friend.

Just a little bit, just a hug a little, and why I lied to myself when I spent the night with you as a friend when I really wanted more but that’s not what I told myself.

That it’s nothing but professional concern.

You have a boyfriend after all.

18 March 2004

I have so much to tell you. So much I want to say.

When you ‘dropped by’, I knew.

And I stopped you. Because that line has been drawn and neither of us would cross it.

I worried you were saying it because my life would end soon and you felt as though you should admit it, after all there would be no consequences.

But I know that sort of love.

Admitting with no consequences only makes you regret having not said it sooner.

I want to die, knowing I haven't caused any sort of regrets for you.

If I go now, promise me you’ll love him with all of you.

That you will be happy.

And there are no regrets.

Comdo.

20 August 2004

Sam, I think this will be my last letter.

You asked me, as if … as if I could change your answer.

Don't you understand?

I don't want to change anything about you.

I want you to be happy. It's my only desire, my one wish for you to be.

The world could go down in flames, but as long as you were happy and safe then it would be okay.

It felt like you were looking for validation of your emotions, of your thoughts and feelings, like you had to be sure I didn't love you and I do but I can’t tell you!

But telling you to drop your relationship, to change your mind and pick me… is selfish and self-indulgent.

To believe I could be worth it for you and let you wait for something that might never happen!

I can't do that to you, Sam, because I love you.

I've already lost you! You’ve moved on without me. And there’s no way back.

But for you, I'd endure it all.

Because you're worth it.

08 March 2005

It feels like I cheated on you.

You're not mine to love, I know it.

I'm with a beautiful, free to love woman and I feel like I cheated on you.

I shouldn't even be thinking it, never mind writing it.

15 March 2005

You're lying asleep beside me, in my bed, completely naked.

It's three in the morning and I can't sleep.

I should want to sleep, but I don't want to.

And I don't want to miss a single second!

Eventually I'll succumb to a quiet slumber, and, in the morning, you'll wake, we'll repeat last night then we'll sleep.

Together.

You picked me.

And I got to tell you. I can finally say those three little words.

I love you!

So, for now, I'm savouring it.

Remembering each little detail and storing it in my heart.

Because I've waited for this, and it was worth the wait.

-------

"Hey Sam, I'm just popping out to the store because we're all out coke and beer--" He called out as he walked into the bedroom, and when he did stop suddenly to see her sitting in the middle of their bed surrounded by those pieces of paper he had recorded those letters on, and the shoe box that had been their home for years.

He looked at her and saw she was crying. For a moment, he was shocked. Too surprise to move. His voice and thoughts fought to be in sync.

Her voice was thick with suppressed emotions and she stammered in shock. "I'm sorry. I was looking for my tennis shoes when I found this under the bed. I only opened it to check if we hadn't missed throwing this out at our last move. But then I saw the letters--"

"Were all addressed to you." Jack said swallowing as he carefully sat on the bed trying not to crumple them. "So, I guess it's only fitting--"

"They're love letters!" She cried. "It's our love story. All of it, the messy, the tender, everything it's here."

Jack looked at her for a moment before he asked, "Is that okay?"

She nodded before she reached over the letters that were strewn over the bed, wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and hugged him.

"I've never had a love letter before." She told him.

"Never?" He asked surprised.

Sam shook her head. "This -- this is so romantic!" She sputtered. "I love you, Jack." She eventually whispered before she pulled away. "You waited."

He looked at her and wiped away her tears. "Yeah." He said softly.

"Am I still worth it? The wait?" She asked him.

Jack smiled and was amazed again at her humility. "I don't regret a single second."

#fictober21 #fictober2021 #stargate sg1 #stargate sg-1 #samantha carter sg1 #jack o'neill #jack o neill #samantha carter #sam x jack

[qiankunfics]

Qian Kun Fics Alert / Updates

AO3

KunTen

1.   Recalibration by NeoButterfly

Summary:  Among all the stress, Kun and Ten are trying to piece together the family they've seemed to accidentally form with the help of their friends. Rating: General Status: On-Going

2. Me After You by senja

Summary: The life that Kun had experienced after meeting Ten Rating: General Status: One Shot 

3. I'm not Jealous by jiseongieee (vroomsupercar)

Summary: Instances in which Ten gets jealous ;)  Rating: General Status: One Shot 

4. see me as a possibility

Summary: Ten has the brilliant idea to start a friends with benefits relationship with Kun. Rating: Explicit   Status: One-Shot 

5. Fiendish Kisses (and a couple cuddles too) by StardustDreamMate

Summary: Vampire-Kun and dangerously-flirty Ten both come back from working the night away to kiss, banter, bicker, and cuddle. Rating: Mature  Status: One-Shot 

6. Chocolate and Therapy by Cydersyrup

Summary: Ten stares at the pan of brownies. They’re overbaked. Dry. Crumbly. Chock-full of walnuts and dried cherries. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot 

7. A Damn Good Feelin', Baby, I Can't Breathe In by ugly_little_sandcastles

Summary: "Fuck me hard, ge. Fuck me like you mean it, ge." Rating: Explicit  Status: One-Shot 

8. Healing (Will You Be Mine In The Meantime?) by Meow12251

Summary: It takes Ten breaking his wrist for him and Kun to finally get together. Rating: Mature  Status: One-Shot Trigger: Mention of Injury 

9. My Cat Ate My Router [Not A Clickbait]! by doiemination (sweetmedusaaa)

Summary: A cat. A router. A vlogger. And a researcher casually enjoying his weekend. Rating: Teen  Status: One-Shot 

10. wrongs and right by evijuls

Summary: Ten wakes up with a feeling of familiar warm arms hugging him, and stays still for a couple more minutes, listening to Kun’s soft sleeping breaths. Rating: Explicit  Status: One-Shot *A sequel to  Unnatural (not by the same author) 

11.  Missing Spark by taetens

Summary: Sometimes even the tiniest things can bring people closer together after drifting miles apart. Rating: Teen Status: On-Going *There is JohnTen but end-game is KunTen 

12. You Are a Keeper by jiaqins

Summary: The only thing on Kun's mind all the time is football. Until the star player of the rival team, Ten, makes a comeback after three years. Rating: Teen Status: On-Going

13. Spring rain and coffee by Clara_Jimmy

Summary: It´s raining and Ten rushes to offer sharing his umbrella with Kun.  Rating: General Status: One-shot 

14. Drop by drop by Do_you_wanna_know

Summary: And it's just fucking sick, and Ten isn't sure he knows why the excitement is rolling in so quickly and inevitably. Rating: Explicit  Status: One-Shot Trigger: Blood Kink 

15. 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐀𝐢𝐫 by TaroLuu

Summary: Ten stayed up all night sketching on his sketchbook as he waits for his boyfriend to come home from work Rating: General  Status: One-Shot 

16. Letting Go by weishen_gyul

Summary: But if there's something right about the movies, it's that letting go is something they both need. Rating: Mature  Status: One-Shot 

17. delusion, hallucination

Summary: At the tender age of twenty-five, Qian Kun was apparently married and co-parenting five kids and two cats with Ten. This was news to him. Rating: General  Status: One-Shot 

18. ouch! you pierced my heart by zhosungs

Summary: "hey, kun," ten says, "what do you think about getting your dick pierced?" Rating: Mature/Explicit  Status: One-Shot 

19. Even If Everyone Forgets by senja

Summary: Everyone forgets Ten, except Kun.  Rating: General   Status: One-Shot 

20. slip into something invincible by lowkeyamen

Summary: Ten doesn't even bother knocking on Kun's bedroom door before entering because he's spent every night since they moved in his bed. Rating: Explicit   Status: One-Shot 

21. Third time´s the charm by Clara_Jimmy

Summary: Two agents tasked with a very similar operation. What could possibly happen? Rating: Mature  Status: One-Shot 

22. As You Howl In The dark Arched Marrow Of Me

Summary: He will have to die, he decides, after having given everything to stay alive. Rating: Mature  Status: On-Going 

23.  L word by thequeenhimself

Summary: Where Ten skips a Friday night party because he's sick and Kun comes and helps him feel better. Mmmhmm. Rating: Mature  Status: One-Shot 

24. Come and Play by pinkfire

Summary: “This it?” Kun tests, pressing at the flat base of the buttplug with his index finger. “Just a toy in your tight little ass?” Rating: Explicit  Status: One-Shot 

25. Deluge by Dawnwritesit

Summary: Save water, shower together Rating: Explicit  Status: One-Shot *Part of Bond and Free collection (which seems to be KunTen/KunWoo/JaeWoo)

26. Library by thequeenhimself

Summary: Where Kun falls asleep in the Library and Ten sees him sleeping so beautifully he didn't bother to wake him up. Rating: General  Status: One-Shot 

27. you & me, what are we? by wayvee

Summary: Kun is hopelessly in love with Ten, and they have a lot of sex. Rating: Explicit  Status: One-Shot 

28. Ramen Run by thequeenhimself

Summary: Where Kun and Ten go out to eat ramen at 11:30 at night and exchange Instagram accounts. Rating: General  Status: One-Shot 

29. Just a Little While Longer by nekowafers

Summary: Ten licked his lips and got onto his knees. Kun’s eyes darted around the alley. Still as dark and empty as before.  Rating: Explicit  Status: One-Shot  *Part of fangs & flowers universe

30. BREAKING: Qian Kun bites cats! by bluemoon (putigirliane)

Summary: Qian Kun, WayV’s reliable leader and main vocalist, admired by many for being a model of the perfect man, can barely keep himself from biting Ten Lee at the most inconvenient times. Rating: Mature  Status: One-Shot 

JohnKun

31. Growing Together by imiss1Dbb

Summary: The story of Johnny and Kun and how their relationship came to be, mixed in with the arrival and discovery of their third love. Rating: Mature Status: On-Going 

DoKun 

32. to be with you by laehys

Summary: doyoung thinks that kinky sex might be the answer for his crisis but he really likes some vanilla lovemaking Rating: Explicit  Status: One-Shot 

KunCas / CasKun

33. fangbanger (affectionate & derogatory) by venvephe

Summary:  Lucas's heart - and Lucas's dick - is immediately set on him. Tonight, he's gonna live up to his well-earned title of fangbanger. Rating: Explicit  Status: One-Shot 

34. heartstrings by newlovecassette

Summary: Fingers wrapping around Yukhei’s wrist, Kun had pressed his thumb into Yukhei’s pulse. “You’d look so pretty tied up for me, Hei.” Rating: Explicit  Status: One-Shot 

Kunil / TaeKun

35. Never too Close by teirru

Summary:  Kun finds himself in the hardest and dumbest position; keeping everything professional or pursuing his fellow band-mate, Taeil. Rating: General  Status: On-Going 

36. over the moon by sitrusberries

Summary:  Kun falls in love with the moon, if the moon was a Coordinator with cute Pokémon and a golden voice. Rating: General  Status: One-Shot 

37. love notes by adiosnoninos

Summary: kun and taeil, through the eyes of others or themselves Rating: General Status: On-Going 

Updates

KunTen 

electric magnetic by miramiro

catch him if you can by blazingsirius

Welcome Home by DestinyHope

On Thin Ice by taetens

Countdown from Nine by MailOrderBride

The Home My Forefathers Built by jiaqins

Pierced! by HaloHalo

When the time is right by drawing_board

Wrong (Right) Ad by Alette

Baby. You worth millions hugs by Mywoojinie

Dreamscape by YHXLWTK

Has To Be Mine by rowx3yourships

*Not KunTen per se (its more threesome TenKunCas)(I promise I’ll get to multi-Kun soon) Salt and Sun by HaloHalo

#kunten #johnkun #kuncas #lukun #fics #new fics #updates #fics updates #kun #qian kun #Kunil #dokun #tenkun

[mshermia]

FEBUWHUMP DAY 25 - CAR ACCIDENT

On a cold winter night on their way home after a dinner at the Stark's cabin, Peter, May and Happy get into an accident. Tony rushes to the scene to help, terrified that it might be too late.

-----

It's still Febuary *somewhere* in the world, right? Also, is there a penalty for starting too many WIPs? Asking for a friend...

AO3 Link

CW: (Minor) Characted Death

-----

Tony's heart was racing. It was beating so fast he'd had to silence FRIDAY's emergency alert twice, overriding the blaring alarm entirely the second time to just make her shut up. It was sheer panic that had his pulse spin out of control and there was nothing, nothing that FRIDAY's empty words and warnings would do about it.

The road was dark and winding, trees closely lining either side of him. Despite the snow and ice that hung heavy on the branches and had powdered the ground into what Morgan had described as a 'winter wonderland', the road was dry and clear. Just as well because Tony was driving as fast as he dared. Maybe a little faster than that.

It didn't matter that he was speeding. He was still not going fast enough to keep the horror scenarios at bay, the nagging fear that every attempt he made now would be too little, too late anyway. They might be dead already.

Tony pulled in a deep breath through his teeth that sounded too close to a sob even to his own ear. Desperate, he pressed down a bit further on the gas paddle but instead of going even faster, the car suddenly lost a significant amount of speed.

"What the fuck is happening?" His hand hit the steering wheel, his foot coming down harder on the accelerator. "FRIDAY, for fuck's sake--"

"Boss, we are only about three miles out from the last signal I received from Peter Parker's car. The heightened possibility of an active game path or hidden black ice that could have led to the accident increase the closer--"

"FRIDAY, override code two-double-seven Stark."

"Override denied."

Tony cursed, followed by a deep guttural groan. "I will fucking melt you down to your integral components if you don't do as I tell you right this second!"

"I'm afraid you cannot use your override code again for another 23 hours and 49 minutes."

"For fuck's sake, FRIDAY! Fucking get me there as fast as possible!"

He should have just taken a suit. He hadn't been thinking, had just reacted. His suits had been stored and locked away in the basement of the cabin for years. Three and a half years of retirement had changed his instincts more than he had realized and now, he was fucked for it.

It had been such a great day. Just that morning he had been out in the snow with Morgan. The older she got the harder a task it was to drag her out of the house for some fresh air with her old man, but as soon as he had her out the door in the snow, it was a joy.

Peter, May and Happy had arrived with cake in the afternoon and then stayed through dinner. The three of them had grown so close over the years. It had been hard work, no doubt. As much as the survivors had suffered after the Snap, the undoing of it came with its own struggles.

Tony should have made them stay the night. He should have just fucking made them!

The miles were crawling by and Tony's eyes flashed back and forth between the road ahead and the map where the GPS signal of the car was blinking red and rapidly, mocking him. 

The location it indicated was right by the river. If the car had skidded off the street, if they had slipped into the water. The temperatures were way below freezing out there. If they had hit the water...

Tony's stomach turned as he was finally coming up to the scene of the accident. The forest opened up towards the river on his right side, but there was no car in sight. The road was empty. 

Then he saw it, tire marks that ran off the lane. There was a bit of a bend in the road where the river was closest to the street barrier, but that barrier was gone now.

Panic rushing in Tony's ears, he pulled his car off the road into the snow on the other side of the street near the trees. His hands were shaking as he swung open the door. 

"HELP! P-PLEASE..."

"Pete!" 

The kid's voice was croaky and weak. Even without seeing him, it was abundantly clear that Peter was crying, bordering on hysterical. Still, it was better than the silence Tony had dreaded.

"Tony! Oh... oh god... please... Tony, please... I... I can't, I... oh god..."

Tears shot into his eyes at the desperation that swung in his kid's voice. Tony sprinted towards the sound. He had almost crossed the street when his feet were practically ripped from underneath him. As if in slow motion his arms were spinning like propellers trying to fight gravity. His only luck was that he had been rushing just enough to land on the ground next to the road instead of breaking his tailbone on the asphalt. 

Black ice.

Tony didn't hold back. He cursed as loud and as strongly as the little breath he had left would allow him while he struggled back to his feet. 

It was freezing out and idiot that he was, he hadn't even brought a jacket. Not that he felt the cold but with every curse he blew out, a cloud of white breath formed in front of his face. That was until his breath was gone entirely, robbed by the scene in front of him.

The car was in the water alright, halfway submerged under the cold waves right next to the shore. The only reason it hadn't been pushed out and even further under was Peter who stood on the far side of the car, water up to his chest, fighting against nature itself.

"Help," Peter cried, just as exhausted as desperate. "I can't... can't... much longer... Tony... please... please help them..."

Despite himself, Tony had frozen. He shouldn't freeze like that. He would never have frozen like that before. He was Iron Man after all. Had fought intergalactic battles and... and... now, at the disaster unfolding in front of him, he didn't even know where to begin.

"They're... in the back... Tony... please... plea—Urgh!" 

The car moved another inch further into the river and the shock of it, the pitiful whine from Peter finally pushed Tony into action. 

"I'm here, buddy! It'll... help's on the way, okay! Just... just hold on a little longer, Pete."

Tony's ripped the door to the backseat open easily enough, his eyes straight on the two unmoving figures slumped in their seats, belts still buckled tightly.

"I... I don't know what happened, I... oh god," Peter sobbed. "We... we were fine, we were—"

"It'll be alright, Pete! Just... just concentrate, okay? I'll... I'll be quick. I'll get them out!" 

Happy legs were submerged entirely. There was a cut on his face, blood running down the side of it. He was pale, too pale.

"Hey, Hap... Happy, come on!" Tony shook him, then pulled Happy's face towards him. "Come on, now! Don't leave me hanging! Fucking... May? May, wake up, come on!" 

Neither of them gave even a twitch as Tony reached across Happy into the icy water. The seat belt came off at once. There was no time to lose. Between the water and the limp body, Tony tried his best to heave Happy out of the car. His arms were straining under Happy's weight. The angle was awkward and difficult to pull at but every whimper from the kid holding this ship afloat spurred Tony on to be faster, to be better. So he did, just because he had to, adrenaline and panic giving him a boost.

He managed to maneuver Happy onto the ground next to the road. By instinct, Tony pressed his shaky fingers against Happy's neck, searching for a pulse but he felt nothing. His throat was so tight, he desperately gasped for air, eyes burning with fear. It was just his fingers. Had to be. His fingers were cold and numb and there was no point in even trying. Peter's voice tore him away from his friend, back into action. Peter was still begging for help, May still trapped in the car.

The water seemed to have risen further in the car. His legs were spasming from the cold, arms and hands numb and heavy as he waded through it, trying to get to May. Her head was bowed low, the water almost at her mouth. It wasn't until Tony had gotten this close to her that he saw the dent in her side of the car.

They hadn't just skidded clean off the road then but hit something along the way. 

Tony held her by the shoulder, trying to keep her upright and out of the seat belt so he could unbuckle it. The hand on her shoulder came away stained dark. In the low light, he could only guess it was blood.

Through the window, Pete's face looked back at him, trembling lips stained dark likely turning blue from the cold. "Tony!"

"I'm right here, bud," Tony breathed, possibly too quiet.

"Are... are they alive?" Peter's words were mumbled, difficult to make out. They were running out of time.

"They'll both be fine, buddy, okay? Just... just hold on a little longer!" Tony slung his arms around May and crossed them over her chest. With short strong pulls, he moved her further and further towards the open door, towards the safety of the shore. "May, you have to wake up," he whispered, his own voice heavy with fear. "This... shit... you can't do this to him. Not like this. Not—"

He yelped as the car slid further into the water.

"I... I got it, I..." Peter winced and there was another jolt. "Tony... get her out! Get out! Get out!"

His own panic gave Tony wings. Another two pulls later and he had finally freed May from the car. 

"I got her," Tony yelled in Peter's general direction. "Get out of the water, buddy. Careful now!"

By the time he had laid May down right next to Happy, Peter was rushing to his side.

"Are they okay? Tony, please... are they... oh, oh god, no, please, I—"

Tony turned fast. Both hands cradling Peter's face, he made him look right at him. "Everything will be fine, okay? Go to my car and get the first aid kit out of the trunk."

"But—"

"Listen to me!" Peter's eyes had already moved down to the lifeless forms of May and Happy again, but Tony gave his head one good shake, fighting to get his attention back. "Go to the car. Watch out for the ice. I need your help now, Pete!"

Eyes wide, Pete nodded. His tears were mixing with blood streaming down from the cuts on his face, leaving smudged dark lines all across it. He moved fast enough. That was a good sign. His clothes were soaked through, sticking to him as he rushed towards the car. Before Tony could warn him again, Peter slipped just like Tony had, just like the car had. He fell hard on his left side.

"Shit, you okay?" Tony's stomach turned at the sight of the kid, as he lay there for a moment, not getting back up. "Peter, are you—"

"M fine." A lot more carefully than before, he struggled back to his feet.

"Get the blankets, too!" 

Tony knelt down between May and Happy, once again he pressed the index and middle finger of both his hands against either of their throats. The way his own heart was rushing, it would be a miracle if—

He gasped. There was a flutter, a sign of life on Happy. Tony had clearly felt it. There was hope then. This... they could make it out of this! 

His eyes shifted to May but even by the time Peter had made it back, blankets and first aid kit in hand, Tony had no idea if May was even still with them.

Just in case, Tony started with compressions, desperate to be subtle about it but there was no way for Peter to miss what was happening.

"What... Tony? Tony, what are... are you doing? Wha—" The sob that had Pete stop mid-word hit Tony squarely where it hurt most.

"My fingers are really numb, kid, okay? I just... I'm not sure. It's... just as a precaution."

"She... she doesn't... oh god, she has no pulse, she has no—"

"Pete, listen to me." Tony's body was aching from the cold, from the adrenaline rush. From the loss that he might not be able to protect the kid from. "The paramedics will get here and then they'll warm them up, okay? Put that blanket around Happy and then get in my car. Get out of those wet clothes and turn on the heater."

"No," he mumbled. "No, no, I... please... this can't be... I can't—"

"Peter!" Tony was losing focus and with that the count on the compressions. "Blanket! Happy! Come on now! I need you, buddy."

The kid's wet sobs rang in Tony's ears, as Pete took one of the blankets and wrapped it around Happy. Before Tony could say anything else, he took the second blanket and wrapped that one around the lower half of May's body.

It felt like endless hours but couldn't have taken more than a couple more minutes until sirens and lights finally flashed up in the distance. Tony had to practically force Peter to stay back while they put first Happy then May onto stretchers and into the emergency vehicle. Just as quickly, Tony made Peter get into the car to follow the ambulance to the hospital.

Peter refused to take off the wet shirt but at least discarded his pants and wrapped himself in the blanket. The blanket that had been covering May just moments before. He used the corner of it to hide his face, leaning heavily against the door. Away from Tony.

"How are you feeling, bud?" It was a fucked up question, but he had to know what he was dealing with. Tony's eyes flickered back and forth between the street and Peter. "Are you hurt? Anything other than the cuts on your face?"

Peter's hand pushed the fabric of the blanket away at that, shaky fingers fumbling across his skin, looking for cuts.

"Stop that!" Tony reached out to him but jerked away at the icy coldness of Peter's hands. "Geezes, kid! Rub those together, okay? Warm them up! Put them on the seat!"

"I'm fine," he hissed, face turned back towards the window.

There was little Tony could do. He couldn't stop, couldn't take his eyes off the road either. All he had left was mumbling reassurances how everything would be okay. Lies, nothing more. Tony had no idea if any of this would ever be okay again.

They arrived at the hospital just after the ambulance. Peter didn't even wait for him to come to a full stop.

"Kid, just-- Fuck..." Tony rushed after him into the hospital.

The neon lights were blindingly bright, almost like spotlights on a stage. He felt uncomfortably exposed, his wet clothes still clinging to him. Peter had already made it to the reception, the blanket still wrapped around his waist. He... shit. He wasn't even wearing shoes. Tony wasn't sure if he had lost them in the water or had simply taken them off in the car along with his soaked pants. 

Either way, his wide-eyed panic and torn-up look had already attracted hospital security. Peter's fist banging against the reception desk as he demanded to see his aunt, didn't help either.

"Hey... hey!" Tony had stormed after him just in time to push a tall guy in hospital uniform off his kid. "Take your hands off him and get a damn doctor!"

"Sir, this is a hospital, not a carnival," the security guard growled. "There are procedure and—"

"We came in alongside the ambulance, you clown!" Tony was pointing a finger squarely at the man's chest. "My son was in a car accident. He was in the river. I need a doctor!"

"No, I need to see my aunt!" Peter was panting. "My aunt was in the ambulance I need to—"

Tony grabbed him by his shoulder and forced the kid to turn towards him. "Pete, they—"

He froze, Peter's face looked so much worse under the light than it had in the dark of the road. His lips were blue, pupils fully blown despite the bright light and his skin was so pale, he looked un-dead. The bad kind. Tears and blood from the cuts on his face were smeared all over his face.

"Jeezes, kid! You..." Tony spun around towards the receptionist. "I need a fucking doctor! He was in the river 15, 20 minutes!"

Peter stepped up right next to Tony, both hands holding onto the desk. "I'm fine! I'm not even shaking! I just need to see my aunt!"

"You're hypothermic, Peter!" Tony's adrenaline spiked as high as it had back on the road when he had spotted Peter standing in the icy waves.

"Gentlemen, let's calm down." Finally, a doctor had walked up behind them. "What is the—" The man stopped midsentence as he took in Peter's face. "Come with me."

"No," Peter growled again. "I need to check on my aunt!"

The doctor wasn't much taller than Peter but he squared his shoulders and stepped up close into his space. He eyed him for a moment, his face hard. "What do you think your aunt will say if she wakes up and I will have to tell her that you died from hypothermic cardiac arrest, hm?"

Peter's mouth clapped shut at once. Fresh tears fell off his lashes.

"Doctor Gordon," the receptionist interrupted. "The patient's personal data needs—"

"Just give the man a damn form," the doctor barked at him as he grabbed a hold of Peter's upper arm and dragged him along.

With ease, Tony snatched the forms from the receptionist's hands and quickly followed the doctor to the closest treatment room. Inside, Doctor Gordon asked his name as he checked his pupils and lungs. Then he had Peter strip off the last of his wet clothes and wrapped him in a hospital gown. In quick progression people carried equipment into the room, starting with heated blankets that two nurses wrapped around him before they helped Peter to lie down on a padded stretcher.

One of the nurses fitted a breathing mask over Peter's mouth as Gordon leaned over him and carefully untangling one of Peter's arms from the blanket. "We'll use humidified oxygen to rewarm your airway. Additionally, we— ah, yes, thank you, Leslie." The nurse had carried in a bag of fluids that she fitted to the stand next to Peter. "It's a warmed saltwater solution to help warm your blood back up. Now, you'll start shivering soon, but that completely normal as your body warms back up. Your dad can stay with you, okay?"

"Okay," Peter mumbled through the masks, his eyes finding Tony's.

Two quick steps and Tony was right next to him, grabbing his hand just after the nurse had fitted the IV.

"And Leslie," the doctor called out to her. "Can you organize dry clothes and a heated blanket for Mr. Stark here as well, please."

Tony sucked in a breath before he turned towards Gordon. "Thank you."

"Why don't you take care of those forms, then we can get you an update on Peter's aunt?"

The forms balanced on the foot of Peter's bed, Tony quickly filled out all three of them - May, Happy and Peter - while nurse Leslie cleaned and taped up the cuts on Peter's face. The doctor hadn't been gone more than a couple of minutes. The nurse was still busy with Peter's face when the kid called out to him.

"Just... please... can you make sure they are fine? I just..." Peter swallowed hard, his eyes still wet. "I need to know that they... that they—"

"Alright, buddy." Tony squeezed his hand then as the nurse turned away to grab a pair of scissors, he stepped close and pressed his lips against the kid's cold forehead. "You stay right here, okay?"

With a quick glance to either side of the waiting room, Tony strode back towards the registration desk. There weren't many patients in, even fewer people waiting in the seated area for friends and relatives. Less stress for the staff meant fewer mistakes and Tony would not be able to live with any more mistakes tonight.

He slid the filled-out forms across the table towards the receptionist. "I need an update on May Parker and Harold Hogan."

The receptionist's eyebrows were pulled up high. "And your relation to Mrs. Parker and Mr. Hogan is?"

"She's my son's legal guardian," Tony bit out. "He's my brother."

He pursed his lips, shuffling through the documents. "The doctor will find you when—"

"No!" Tony's fist crashed against the wood of the desk. "I need an update right now!"

"Sir, you will get an update when we have an update to give, or do you want me to drag one of the doctors away from the treatment and—"

"Fine!" Tony pulled both of his hands up and took a step away from the desk lest he'd strangle that arrogant little prick.

Instead, he stalked away from the man and fished his phone out of his pocket. There were two text messages from Pepper. One from almost an hour ago.

'FRIDAY filled me in. Call me as soon as you know more.'

Then another one from 12 minutes ago.

'Tony, please call me. I'm worried.'

Without a second thought, he did. The phone rang for all but two seconds before Pepper answered him.

"Tony? What's going on?"

He pressed his eyes shut. Just the sound of her voice had him tear up. "Hey, Pep..."

"FRIDAY puts your car at Ellenville Regional. Is everyone okay?"

"I... erm..." One hand steadied himself against the wall. "Pete's hypothermic."

"Oh no," she gasped.

Tony's eyes stung. "The car skidded into the river." He ignored her next gasp and pushed on, his voice low. "He held the car up and May and Happy I... I pulled them out when I got there. I'm... I don't know... Happy had a pulse at the scene but May, she..." He stopped himself, unable to keep going.

Just the thought of what it would mean if the worst were to happen... if it were to happen like this. Peter would never forgive himself.

"Oh my god, honey... I... I'll pack some things and I'll meet you there. Morgan, I'll... I'll just have to bring her and—"

"No!" His voice came out sharper than he intended. "You stay where you are!"

"Honey, I can't leave you all on your—"

"There's black ice out there on the very road that leads here. I don't want you on the street tonight."

"I... okay..." She was crying now. "Just... just call me, okay? Call me as soon as you know more."

"I will, Pep. I will. Just..." Tony blew out a breath and shot a glance over his shoulder at the commotion coming from the reception desk. "I gotta go. I love you, honey. Give Morgan a kiss."

He didn't hear his response, his heart pounding like a steam engine in his ears. The doctor that had just turned away from the registration desk locked eye with him, her expression sober as she walked over to him.

"Mr. Stark?"

Tony's limbs were numb. Somehow he knew. The way the lady was looking at him. How she held herself. He knew what she was going to say but his brain wouldn't let him accept just standing there and taking it. It seemed to float away, anywhere but here to just not hear it.

"I think maybe we should go and see your son as well. He is in treatment room 3, yes? We can just have... I have some information that—"

"No!" His voice was composed, so much more than he felt capable of. "No, you... you should tell me. Tell me here."

"Mr. Stark..." Her eyebrows were raised in sympathy. She even reached out to him, a soft hand placed on his lower arm. "I think it might be easier if we're all in a room together, so I can—"

"No." This one sounded less sure though he felt a lot more certain than before. Yeah, it would be easier. She was right. It would be easier for him, but telling Peter. No, that was his job. Not his job, his responsibility. "Just tell me."

It was an out-of-body experience to hear her say it. To hear her say how sorry she was. How despite their best efforts... May was gone. Was dead. That was what she said. Dead. Not 'gone'. Not 'had passed on'. She was dead.

They said that was important. That the words you used had to be the right ones. That there couldn't be any confusion.

"Mr. Hogan is currently receiving hemodialysis to rewarm his blood. His vitals so far are holding steady. We are hopeful that he will make it through the night and then we will have to go from there."

Hopeful that he might make it through the night. Hopeful. May Parker was dead.

"Mr. Stark?"

His eyes shot over at the doctor, blinking. He hadn't realized he had looked away. "Right, I... I guess I will... will go. Talk... talk to my kid." He swallowed hard.

"If you would like me to, I could—"

"No, I... I need to do this. For him. It's..."

He shook his head and without another word, Tony made his legs move, surprised that they did. His mind was still not with him, still flowing around him, unwilling to come back to him. One hand on the door, the other on the doorknob, Tony paused. Memories flashed in front of his eyes. Doctors in white coats who stood in front of him, informing him of his parents' passing.

It wouldn't happen to Peter like that. He wouldn't allow it. No strangers, no detached condolences by faceless shadows.

Tony took another breath like it would make him ready to do this, when nothing would ever make him ready for this. Waiting... waiting just made it worse so he pushed the door open, relieved to find Peter alone, still on the bed hooked up to the IV and the humidified oxygen.

Doubts crashed down on him. Maybe he should wait. Wait until Peter was more stable, had recovered.

"Tony?" The kid's voice was muffled by the mask, questioning more than panicked until it wasn't. Wasn't not panicked. "Tony, what... what is..."

He closed the door behind him, still holding onto it like the words would magically come to him. Tony knew what to say, the main thing to say was clear, way too clear and sharp and brutal, but how to begin?

In the end, he didn't need a preamble. In the end, that face he so prided himself on having control of, said it all for him.

"N-no..." Peter's eyes widened. With every breath the kid took, they came faster and faster until he was panting, sitting up in his bed. "No... oh... oh god, no... no!" The IV on Peter's arm dislodged before Tony had even had a chance to get to him. Peter ripped off the mask just as fast.

"Buddy, I... I'm so sorry, she—"

"No, don't!" Peter grabbed both of his arms just as Tony tried to pull him close. "Don't say it! Don't... don't say it!"

But Tony had to. He had to because if he didn't, Peter would never accept it, never. "I'm so sorry, kid. She died, she–"

Peter struggled against him, pushing him but not hard enough to move him. "Oh god, no... please... I... no, you're wrong! You're wrong!"

"Pete, I'm so sorry—"

"You... you need to call Doctor Cho! You need... you need to call her and then at.. at the Compound, they can save her, please!" The panic in Peter's eyes was threatening to strangle him, both of them, his hands erratically tearing on Tony's green scrubs. "We should have gone there right away! The cradle, they... please, please, you need to save her, Tony, please."

"Oh, buddy..." His heart hurt with every beat from the bare pain that was radiating off Peter. "Cho can't do that. She... she can't bring people back."

"We need to try, please! Please just... just try, just ask her to try!"

In a twisted way, Tony almost welcomed the way Peter's hands kept hitting him, almost relished in the sting of it. "The doctors tried reanimating her, buddy, but they couldn't. She..." It wasn't enough. He was chickening out. He had to say it properly, had to be strong for his kid who was crumbling right under his fingers. "May died. There's... there's nothing we can do, bud. May is dead."

The pained howl Peter pushed out chilled him to the bones, so much worse than the icy water of the river had. With it, Peter's arms went slack and he slumped forward into Tony's waiting arms. All he could do was hold him, be there. It wasn't much, it wouldn't make this any better but there was nothing else for Tony to do. He couldn't conquer death. He couldn't take this pain away.

Tony rocked him, back and forth, forgoing all the empty phrases of how it was alright. How they would get through this. Phrases that meant nothing, never had. No, instead, he told Peter how much he loved him. He told him over and over again, mumbled it into his hair, told him with the slow circled he rubbed into his back, with the way he held him up, tightly pressed against his own chest.

The desperate sobs that shook his kid broke Tony piece by piece. None of this was alright.

 -----

To be continued...

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Special thanks to @spagbol99 !

#iron dad and spider son #febuwhump2021 #febuwhump day 25 #irondad #iron dad fic #cw: character death #car accident #hurt/comfort #post-endgame #tony stark lives #peter parker #tony stark #fanfic #febuwhump #whump

[film-enthusiastt]

Steve Rogers/Chris Evans Fic Recs

Check out the authors’ other works as well! If I listed any of your works and there’s wrong information or if you have a better summary, please message me or comment on what I need to fix!

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The Proposal(s) [8 Parts; Completed] Summary: Steve has the perfect girl. He’s bought the ring and now all he has to do is propose, which turns out to not be as easy as he thought it would be. By @imaginationintowords

Series

Break Me Like A Promise [4 Parts; Completed] Summary: In which Y/n learns to cope without her person, without the person who made her feel alive. The person who loved her...or so she thought. By @rarelikesel

Unexpected [23 Parts; Completed] Summary: You and Steve have been close friends for most of your adult lives. Leading up to the wedding of two of your friends—one being your sister—combined with Steve breaking up with his longtime girlfriend, you and Steve give in to the loneliness and have a one night stand, one that ends with consequences you never saw coming. You’re determined to stay friends, but as the months pass, both you and Steve come to realize what’s been lying in wait all along. By @sunriserose1023

Baby Love [9+ Parts; WIP] Summary: You find out that your chances of getting pregnant are starting to decrease as you are getting older. Chris, your best friend, offers to be your sperm donor. By @barnesandrogersfanfics

Just Friends [9+ Parts; WIP] Summary: After meeting Chris through a chance encounter, you become best friends. What he doesn’t know is you’ve been harboring feelings for him all these years afraid to ruin the friendship. As he goes through his casual hookups, doesn’t mean you can’t have yours. By @littlefiercequeen

Unexpected Gifts [16 parts; Completed] Summary: After college, you moved to L.A. to begin pursuing your dream in the movie industry. You started with an internship and worked your way into the position of stunt coordinator by the age of 25. Your life was finally working out, You were finishing the first week of training with the Marvel cast for "Avengers: Age of Ultron." You had it all put together until your younger sister took her life, left you full custody of her two-month-old daughter, and you found the love of your life. By @morganclaire4 

Love Connection [7 Parts; WIP] Summary: It’s about the reader being pregnant with Chris’s child, but they’re not together. The reader didn’t tell him because he dumped her, but Chris finds out later on in her pregnancy. By @iguessweallcrazyithinktho

One-Shots

Two Weeks Summary: Requested: “...Chris and bratty reader, he gets so fed up with her that he just takes her to make her shut up.” By @chrissquares

Baby Talk Summary: You and Chris have an argument about wanting to start a family and having kids. By @corie-the-writer

Double Proposal Summary: You were going to propose to Chris, but he does it back to you instead. BY @iguessweallcrazyithinktho

Instant Regret Summary: You and Chris have a fight because he thinks you're cheating and Chris pushes you away. Later that day you get into a horrible accident and he finds out some news that you have been hiding. By @iguessweallcrazyithinktho

My Angel Summary: Chris sees you on the Victoria’s Secret Runway for the first time and is completely blown away... BY @a-mess-of-fandoms

Football Game and Goldfish Summary: Nora absolutely loves football, maybe more than Chris. A little surprised too. By @iguessweallcrazyithinktho

Do Me A Favour Summary: Steve Rogers seeks out his ex-teammate (and ex-fiancée) as he tries to gather the team in order to reverse Thanos’s actions, but she isn’t happy to see him. By @shewritesandplants

Bittersweet Summary: When Steve travels back in time to 2012 New York, he meets someone he thought he lost a long time ago. By @selenasprompts

A-Z Smut Headcanons By @worksby-d

Wedding Date Summary: Requested: “Can you do a fluffy imagine where the reader and Chris are in a newer relationship and he invites her to be his date to one of his friend’s wedding?” By @worksby-d

Steve’s Top Secret Mission Summary: Steve does his research and you meet your fangirl crush. By @donutloverxo

Stevie Summary: Steve has been on a space mission for a week. When he gets back he’s completely different person. By @donutloverxo

The One I Remembered Summary: You were the only ex Chris remembers. And he misses you. He always thinks about you, hoping you were doing the same. What happens when he sees you again? By @iguessweallcrazyithinktho

Mile High Club Summary: You and Chris join the mile high club. By @ballyhoobarnes

Big Boston Family Summary: Requested: “pregnant reader with 2 kids x cevans?” By @iguessweallcrazyithinktho

Dodger Summary: Requested: “ I just saw a video of a dog whose owners had a baby and the dog slept in the baby's room at night and didn't leave it's side for anything, laying at the owner's feet when she was breastfeeding, watching the baby while it played on the floor, like... I imagine Dodger would do the same thing and Chris would love it .“ By @et-lesailes

Red Carpets & Interviews Summary: You and Chris are doing red carpet interviews and Chris can’t seem to keep his eyes or hands off of you. By @stylesstanx 

Interview Mishaps Summary:  Reader and company have an interview with Jimmy Fallon. Everything goes swimmingly until reader drops an earring. By @wintersoldierslut

Mistletoe Summary: Requested: “hi can i request a chris evans friends to lovers? when you are filming a movie together and its near the holidays so they do secret santa. The reader is chris' secret santa and she gives him a really meaningful gift that he didn't expect. maybe even include a mistletoe kiss and an age gap (she's in her early 20s)?? thank you! love ur work” By @rarelikesel

God Is A Woman Summary: It is said that anyone that is worthy to wield the hammer of Thor possesses the power of a God. You prove that God can indeed be a woman. By @honeyloverogers

Two-Shots

Baby Fever Summary: Chris really wants a baby, but he doesn’t know how to say it. By @ballyhoobarnes — Part 2 Summary: You and Chris start trying for a baby.

Babies! Assemble Summary: On a mission involving time travel, as if they haven’t learned at all that it’s dangerous, the Avengers get turned into babies. Including your boyfriend. By @honeyloverogers — Baby Self Summary: What if it was you that got turned into a baby instead? 

#Chris Evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans one shot #chris evans imagine #chris evans x y/n #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fic #Steve Rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers fanfiction #steve roggers fic