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#the things i wanted to say about those two
januaryembrs · 2 days
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YOU WERE LIKE AN ANGEL TO ME | Spencer Reid x Sunshine!Reader
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Request: my DARLING @avis-writeshq says- i’m a menace but i ADORED the spencer fic u posted 🥹 UGH THEYRE SO CUTE YOUR HONOURRRR 👹if it’s okay, may i request another fic with the same couple 🙈 perhaps one day reader is not as sweet or chirpy as she usually is, or she gets injured or threatened in the field? much love and lots of kisses xoxo 🫶
Description: Spencer swore he wanted to hate her. She was too happy, too chirpy, too much for a guy who spent months rotting in prison. But how could he ever hate her when she cried in his chest like that?
Length: 5k (I'm feral for these two)
warnings: post prison reid. Angst. depiction of suicide from the Unsub. gory language used. guns mentioned. mention of $nuff video and other murders. Nothing that hasn't been done on CM already.
authors note: if y'all want to see more with these two just SAY because I am all ears I would die on this ship
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There were a lot of times in his time at the BAU that Spencer had wished he could have changed the outcome of their bad guy, surprisingly enough. There was the time they found their UnSub a few minutes too late, and one of the victims fathers decided to take him out then and there with a shotgun to the head. He was just a kid. There was the entire time he was with Tobias Hankel, and he lived in a state of both fear and sympathy for the boy trapped in his own body after years of abuse. There was Nathan Harris, the kid who had stopped him at the subway station and practically begged him for help to stop his urges to murder, only to slit his own wrists before Spencer could get to him because he thought he was tainted. 
He could see how it was easy in their job to get wrapped up in saving the day, in saving everyone they could. He just had hoped, on some stupid grace of a god he didn’t even believe in, that she would have at least remained untouched by the bad luck. 
Spencer had always thought, since the first day he had arrived back into the office after his stint in prison, that she seemed to just waltz through life easier than anyone else. He knew the concept of luck was not quantifiable, that it was just a coincidence that good things happened to some people, and bad things happened to others. He always grouped himself in with the latter, because what was his entire life if not one bad hand of cards after another?
Part of him had been seething with vitriol jealousy when he first met her. He hated how the elevator doors seemed to open without hesitation for her, no waiting required. He hated how her hair never seemed to fall out of place, while his required primping and preening to upkeep. He hated how she was always so happy, whether it had been she’d been given an extra cookie at the bakery for free, or her coffee had just tasted super delicious that morning, or the road works clogging the city had been put on hold the one day she needed to drive into the office. She was one of those people, he had decided, that life just seemed to smile down upon, and she beamed back in that dazzling grin. 
He felt sick to his stomach for ever wishing it gone, especially when she looked like she might never smile again. 
They never liked to say that they had easy cases and hard ones, all of their cases were difficult to process. But this one had been a handful above the rest. 
“UnSub has been killed on site, all units stand down,” Luke said into the radio, and the entire squadron took a sigh of relief, all of them except him. 
Because he saw that look in her eye, the way everything sparkly about her seemed to have vanished.
They had been following Bobbie Wrids for a week. Five bodies in, five men shot between the eyes execution style, almost six by the time they’d arrived on the scene. 
She’d gone with Tara around the front of the abandoned building; Penelope tracked their newest victim, Henry Frond, through his phone pinging off the nearest satellite towers, and it had been straight forward from there. Or at least it should have been. 
Because by the time Spencer and Luke arrived in their own SUV, Penelope had time to access the rest of Henry’s phone, and it was clear to see the victimology behind all six men. 
They were distributing snuff videos of women, some between themselves, some to other usernames on the darkweb, and Bobbie Wrids’ daughter had been one of them.
Bobbie had become somewhat of a vigilante, but he was a grieving father above all. He was a wounded animal chomping at the bit to soothe the ripping pain of his daughter's murder, the same one those men were getting off to. 
Tara and her exchanged a glance as Penelope relayed the information over their headsets, her once serious expression falling into something sombre and sorrowful. How could she arrest a man she couldn’t help but feel sorry for, one she couldn’t help but think wasn’t entirely wrong in his actions. 
“Bobbie Wrids,” Tara’s voice was stern, cutting through the silence of the desolate building. Their footsteps were careful as they made their way through the hallway, down to what had once been a rec-room, or perhaps a staff room, where they knew Bobbie had Henry, “This is the FBI, we’d like to talk,” 
They heard nothing, and she looked up to the older woman hesitantly, her finger hovering over the trigger the way Spencer had taught her. Tara took a minute, knowing she was leading the charge here with the girl being so inexperienced, before she nodded to the door knob and the rookie twisted the handle, pushing the peeling wood open gently. 
Bobbie Wrids stood in the centre of the room, moth eaten couches either side of the damp rug, the ceiling tiles half caved in from wear and tear. Henry Frond was already a pulp in the UnSub’s arms, and yet it was Bobbie that her eyes shot to first, sympathy shooting through every fibre of her being when she saw the distraught look on the father’s face. 
He was grieving. He was grieving his little girl’s death. He was looking for a solution, and this seemed to be his best bet. 
“Bobbie,” Her voice was shaky, her and Tara frozen in the doorway as the man brought the pistol to Henry’s beaten face, cocking it towards his temple before they could even explain themselves. “We’re going to come in, is that okay? We just want to talk, just let us talk-”
They had only edged closer by three paces between them as she was speaking before his knuckles turned white and he squeezed the gun tighter to Henry’s skin, the barrel contorting the flesh, “Don’t come any closer, this pig isn’t worth your mercy,”
“We know,” She said, her and Tara slowly stepping over a fallen ceiling tile, cracking under her boot as she met his desolate gaze for the first time, his head snapping to her. “We know what he did, Bobbie. What they all did.”
His throat bobbed, his bottom lip quivering and the sight of it, a man so broken, forced a frog into her oesophagus, and she willed herself not to cry. 
“They hurt my little girl,” Bobbie choked out, his face turning mauve as the tears began to build behind his eyes, “She was my girl. She was only eighteen.” 
She nodded, his wetted hues seemingly permissive when she stepped closer to where he held Henry hostage. 
“I know, I’m so sorry for what happened to her,” She said, her voice croaky, unstable as she wrenched it into something audible, “I’m so sorry,” 
“He doesn’t deserve mercy, none of them did,” Bobbie spat, his forearm crushing against Henry’s trachea in a vice-like grip. The man floundered, a wheeze coming from his lungs, not that she felt much sympathy for him. 
She sprung into action, flicking her gun onto safety and holstering it, Tara doing the same as she lowered her weapon to her side. He profiled as a vigilante; he had no reason to hurt them. 
“Bobbie, listen, I know they didn’t deserve to walk free, okay?” She said, taking the smallest step towards where the men stood, “But she wouldn’t want this for you, would she?”
The man flinched, his jaw hard as a rock with how he clenched his teeth together, as if holding back a sob. 
“Come on, Bobbie. Let him go, we have enough evidence to get him sentenced. We can get you a plea deal, I know a good lawyer,” She begged, because she wasn’t beneath it, because she knew he was a good man backed into a corner, “Please,”
Maybe it was the way her eyes were soft when she looked at him, or the fact two more agents burst into the room from the hallway, Spencer’s eye immediately falling to where she was stood so close to their UnSub, her gun out of hand. Tara stood by, but that wasn’t good enough for him. He edged with light footsteps until he was behind her, his gaze cautious, never leaving the gun in Bobbie’s hand. 
“Please,” She repeated, and Spencer saw Bobbie’s shoulders drop, every sliver of resolve draining from his body at her gentle tone, a deer approaching a hunter. 
Henry was thrown to the floor, the man practically dead weight as he gasped, almost retching at the feeling of air sucking back into his chest frantically, and Luke and Tara were quick to wrestle him into cuffs, the woman reading him his Miranda rights. 
Spencer almost made a grab for her then, because she was still creeping forward towards the man who had a loaded gun still live in his hand. He didn’t care for one second that the statistics said Bobbie wouldn’t lay a hand on her since she wasn’t part of his list. He didn’t care that every sign pointed to their UnSub being benevolent towards women, especially younger ones, that she fit his daughter’s description. Spencer didn’t care, he wanted her as far away from that gun as possible. 
His heart lurched into his throat when Bobbie did in fact make a lunge for her, just not the way he’d feared. Because she had grabbed him. She’d pulled him into an embrace, a hug, kind and sweet as she always was. 
Spencer cursed her for being so soft. It was going to get her killed. 
“Agent,” His voice was terse, worried if you dug a little deeper than the sharp surface, but she didn’t listen to him. She held Bobbie tight as the man unravelled on her shoulder, falling into heart breaking sobs and it was then Spencer realised she was crying with him. 
“It’s going to be okay, you’re okay,” She was shushing him, the killer, reassuring him he was safe, as if the killing thing wasn’t still between his fingers that clutched at her back with rough hands. 
“They killed my girl, they took her from me, and then they laughed about it,” He wailed, and she nodded, squeezing him even tighter if that was so possible, “No one would listen, the police didn’t listen, I had to do something,”
“I know, I know, I’m so sorry,” This was wrong. She wasn’t supposed to be sympathising with the criminals. But she couldn’t help it, she couldn’t help the gasping urge to comfort the man who had lost his whole world, “I’m listening. Tell me about her,” 
“She was so beautiful,” Bobbie whimpered, sniffling into her shoulder. Spencer felt his chest twinge at the scene. He hated that she was so soft. “She never hurt a soul,”
She cried with him, though hers were choked down as much as she could get them, her wet cheeks the only proof she had ever let them slip. 
“I’m sorry,” She said again, because no matter how many times she repeated those two little words, it would never bring his daughter back, “I can help you,”
He pulled away from her shoulder, and it was only then that Bobbie Wrids even noticed Spencer, his face taut in anxiety as he watched the man’s hands still holding onto her body as if she was the only thing that kept him upright, which Spencer wouldn’t be surprised if it were true. 
He fished the cuffs out of his back pocket, his finger never leaving the trigger as he stared down at their UnSub cautiously. He knew he may be being cruel, knew that ten years ago he would be just as caring as her. But that Spencer was long gone. And what remained was screaming in terror that she was in the line of danger, that she was holding the danger in her bare hands like she didn’t see the jeopardy she was putting herself in. 
Bobbie pulled away to look at her, the creases around his eyes deep chasms, and even with the smattering of grey hair, the stubble, the cold, empty look of someone with nothing left, she thought he might have been a handsome man once. He looked at her with a ghost of a smile, and one of his callused hands came up to tuck her hair behind her ear as if it had been second nature to him for eighteen years. 
“You’re a sweet girl,” He murmured, and she blinked at him, her chest easing at the way his wails had subsided into something quiet. She could help him, she swore she would help him. He was a good man beneath it all. “But no one can help me anymore, sweet girl,”
And with that he lifted the pistol beneath his chin and pulled the trigger.
She heard someone scream before she realised it was coming from her own throat, but her ears were ringing and she couldn’t open her eyes. Her face was wet and hot, and for a second she thought it was tears, but she was beyond crying now. She felt arms pulling her back into a strong chest, and someone was murmuring to her, or perhaps they were speaking normally and the sound of the gunshot had knocked her hearing. Either way, it was like someone had pulled a bag over her head as she brought her shaking hands up to her eyes to wipe. 
She managed to crack her lids then when the sludge was gone, only to see the room still a blurry mess. She could make out, in the haze of blobs and crimson tint, Bobbie’s body slumped to the floor, a dark puddle seeping into the rug as those long arms tugged her out of the room. She only then looked down to her hands where she had rubbed her face and she caught the same claret plasma coating her fingers, her white shirt, her pants, her arms. It covered her head to toe. 
It was in her eyes, she realised when she saw the ichor coating her fingertips. It was blocking her vision, turning the world a vivid wine colour, and she thinks she whimpered, or perhaps it was a moan of horror seeing the puddle beneath Bobbie’s body growing larger by the second. 
“I don’t understand,” She said out loud, her head spinning, and she brought her fingertips up to her eyes again, maybe to get the blood out, god there was so much blood on her face, or maybe because she hoped to everything out there that she would clear her sight and find it all a terrible hallucination, the product of one too many nights of sleepless tossing. 
But when she rubbed her lids again, this time seeing the scene a little better, Bobbie was still dead. She had still been too late. 
“You’re in shock, you need to breathe,” A voice instructed her over her shoulder, and it was from the same person who had their hands around her waist, pulling her away from the crime scene, as CSI filed in from behind them. 
She tried pushing the arms off her, weak because she couldn’t feel anything that wasn’t the horror in her stomach, and it took her a second before she listened to their words and realised she was holding a breath in her chest, the way a toddler does when they’re overwhelmed. 
“I don’t-” She gasped, the air rushing through her lungs, so fast it made her cough, “I don’t understand, I was going to help him- I don’t understand- why?”
“I know, just breathe for me, sweetheart,” Spencer. She only just realised it was Spencer speaking, because he had never called her that and the gentle tone he’d taken was nothing like his usual, civil cadence. He had been dropping a few jokes the past few weeks since she’d driven him home, had been more touchy feely with correcting her form when she was at the shooting range, had delicately touched the small of her back when they were navigating a crowd together. He was slowly cracking from his statuesque expression that hadn’t left his face since he’d gotten out of prison, but the softness with which he held her waist was entirely new. 
“Spencer, I don’t- I don’t get it,” She said, her voice bubbling into a sob as she allowed herself to be pulled away with no fight left in her. He took her into the hallway, turning her body from the sight of his hand lifeless on the floor with little to no effort. She was damn near limp in his arms, “Spencer, I don’t under-understand, I was going to h-help him, why would h-he do that-”
“Shhh, you need to breathe,” He murmured into her hair, trying to lead her out the front of the building and far away from where she’d just been front row seats to a messy suicide, “Come on, just breathe for me, baby, and then we can talk,”
But she wasn’t listening, and he wasn’t offended. Spencer knew it was the shock. He knew the symptoms by how her respiratory system had picked up in a matter of seconds and it was like she had gone from zero to a hundred. She let out a long whine, tears collecting the blood on her lash line and her chest seized into action, gulping down air, too short to do anything for her lungs, and her legs began to buckle beneath the two of them. 
Spencer stopped in the hallway, realising she was in more shock than he must have thought. He knew she was sensitive, hell it was one of his favourite things about her. He knew she felt everything so deeply, burned too easily, like a daisy wilting in a dry heat, or candyfloss melting in his mouth. Spencer knew, as awful as watching death up close was for any agent, it would hit her hardest of all of them. 
He moved around to her front, his hands migrating from her waist up to her shoulders, brushing over her upper arms soothingly. But her body felt numb, her head felt heavy, and her eyes were glazed over, down a rabbit hole entirely away from him, even when one of his hands cupped her wetted cheek gently. 
“Just breathe, hey, look at me,” He tried a firmer tone, and she bent to his will too easily. It was a punch in the gut seeing everything shining and pretty leached out of her eyes, as if she had become soulless in a matter of minutes, as if she had lost all hope in the world the second Bobbie pulled that trigger. She looked like hell, blood still fresh on her cheeks, in her hair, smeared around her eye sockets where she had scrubbed so hard to get it off her skin, “You need to calm down, you’re going to faint if you don’t breathe,”
She nodded, or something close to it, her eyes falling down to the floor, and she seemed to wrestle for control over her chest then. But what came after was worse, Spencer thought. Her brows screwed together, her eyes welling up with more of those fat tears, and her lips dropping into a devastated pout, her eyes trailing over the mess on her uniform, on her hands. 
“Spencer, I don’t understand, I tried to help him, I wanted to help him,” She sobbed, sniffling to herself miserably, and he barely even thought about it when he pulled her into his chest, not caring that her skin would dirty his shirt. 
His hand wound into her hair, stroking her sweetly as she buried her wails into his vest. He used his other arm to pull her close to him, which she seemed to have zero qualms about as she clawed at his back to keep him close, as if she didn’t want to face what was going to happen when they left that building. 
Spencer regretted ever thinking her sunshine was too bright for him. 
She hadn’t smiled in a whole week. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. She had given Penny a very forced smile when she had fussed over the younger woman the first day she got back, had said thankyou with downcast eyes and a fragile grin when the blonde presented her with a framed picture of a puppy to keep on her desk ‘incase she needed something nice to think about,’
She hadn’t looked at it once, because they both knew it wouldn’t do anything, no matter how much she pretended for Penelope’s sake that she would put it to good use. 
He had taken her out for coffee on him that first day, but by the time they had got to the front of the queue, he had been doing almost all of the talking, which had become rare nowadays since he had come home from Mexico. Usually, it had been her filling the silences, because he knew in her right mind she hated the sound of static nothingness, she found it awkward and unnecessary when she could talk to anyone without thinking about it too hard. 
They had got to the desk, the barista smiling up at him as he ordered his usual, before he turned to look at her as the woman serving asked her what she would like. But she wasn’t listening, she was watching out the window, nothing particularly invigorating beside a bird cleaning its feathers on top of a stop sign. 
He said her name, putting his hand on her back and her head whipped around, her eyes empty as they looked up at him expectantly, “What do you want to drink?” 
She blinked, waking herself from a stupor, and looked at the barista with an embarrassed expression, “Hot chocolate, please,” 
And that was all she really had to say until lunch rolled around, and she excused herself to head home early. Emily smiled at her reassuringly, her eyes wary as she watched their happy-go-lucky rookie head for the elevators with a desolate look in her eyes. 
Spencer hoped she would come around on her own, or maybe even be brave enough to talk to someone about the thoughts rattling around that head of hers, but she just didn’t. She stayed as silent as possible, only ever speaking when spoken to, asking Emily if she could finish off her reports at home, to which the Prentiss woman never protested. 
But Spencer had had enough. He’d worried himself sick over her, and where all thoughts of how endearing and lovely and charming she was had sat in his head before, now it was all just ways he could think to make her smile again. 
It was the following Tuesday by the time he braved action. She had gone home after their midday briefing, apologising to Emily with tired eyes that seemed to be growing more and more heavy by the day, like she hadn’t slept a wink in a fortnight. Which Spencer thought was entirely possible. 
He pulled up to the house Penelope had not so discreetly told him was hers, definitely not because he’d asked, and definitely, definitely not breaching any human resource policies about distributing fellow workers information (meaning Spencer had almost certainly not begged Penelope for the address with those puppy eyes of his he knew could bag him anything). 
The peonies in the window bays were wilting but her house was something out of a fairytale. He wasn’t sure why he was really so surprised. It screamed her, everything about it, from the toadstool post box to the little green, cast iron bench that sat in the garden, the metal forged to look like florets of ivy holding the sitter upright. 
He rapped the brass knocker, the metal cold under his long fingers. Brushing invisible dirt off his shirt, he hoped she would answer as the present squirmed at his feet. 
“Just a second,” He hushed, and as if she heard him, the front door swung open to reveal her bare face he hadn’t seen since he’d helped her wipe the blood from her skin in the back of the ambulance. 
She looked at him with furrowed brows, before they quickly shot to the floor, to her cobbled pathway that had clicked under his shoes, and her face washed with a shock. 
“Oh my god, Spencer!” She crouched to her knees, a slobbery lick immediately meeting her cheek as the Spaniel rubbed his wet nose up to her ear, sniffing her unique smell, as if it was a bag of Class A’s, “I never knew you had a dog,” 
“I don’t,” He replied, kneeling with her to ruffle the soft fur behind the canine’s ear, “This is Ace. He retired from the Bomb Unit a month ago and Penelope sent me his handler’s number. They said he’s the happiest dog in the world,” 
 “I would be too if I stopped so many people from blowing up,” She said, but before he could ask what she meant exactly by that, Ace had jumped up and attacked her entire face with kisses as if he too thought that statement was worth silencing. 
And she laughed. She laughed louder than she had in days, weeks, her eyes crinkling in joy as the little pink tongue stole away her sorrow, tickled away the traces of the blood that had tainted her skin. 
Spencer smiled, his eyes watching her face scrunch in a squeal, hands eventually coming up to the elderly dog’s jowls to gently push him down. 
“Oh, you are the sweetest guy,” She said, and the words had him tugging at the leash to lick her all over again, “Yes you are, you’re the sweetest little guy around, huh?” 
She chuckled, scratching down the mutt’s neck, and her eyes flicked back up to Spencer, who watched her with more intent than she’d realised. 
“Petting and receiving affection from pets causes spikes in serotonin in our brain and reduces anxiety, did you know that?” Spencer said, Ace pushing his muzzle into the palm of her hand to prove a point. 
Her smile wavered slightly, and she looked at his hazel hues that seemed to see right through her, “Look, I’m sorry I’ve been so off lately, I just can’t sleep at the moment-”
 “Don’t apologise,” He cut in, though his tone was kind, and the two of them stood back up to their full height, “What happened was horrifying, even some of the longest serving agents I know would struggle seeing that,” 
She scoffed, unusually pessimistic coming out of her mouth, “You wouldn’t,”
His head tilted, not quite understanding what she meant, because she hadn’t sounded cruel when she said it. Then again, he didn’t think she was actually capable of that emotion. 
She looked at him, a flash of something vulnerable in her eyes, something like that day he’d held her in the hallway; too fast he almost missed it.
“You’re so brave, Spencer, you’re like invincible. I mean, you survived prison and your mom getting kidnapped and you bounced straight back to work like it was nothing. I can’t even watch a murderer die without spiralling out of control,” She huffed, rubbing the bridge of her nose and before he could respond on just how wrong she was, before he could tell her that that was exactly the opposite of what had happened because he had damn near changed every inch of himself in prison to stop himself from breaking, he caught her murmuring and he thought he might just have been punched all over again, “I wish I was like you,”
His jaw clenched, eyebrows furrowing into a frown as he stepped towards her, and her head shot to him, worried she may have said the wrong thing by mentioning everything that had happened, everything Pen had specifically said was a touchy subject, and she opened her mouth to apologise. 
“Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that you are nothing like me?” Spencer said, his voice bordering on furious and her fumbled for a reply, worried she had truly pissed him off. 
She wouldn’t blame him for hating her. She’d always worried, until perhaps that day they’d gotten into her car and she’d driven him home, that her very essence annoyed him. 
“I’m sorry-” She started, but he shook his head.
“Stop apologising,” He said, his hand reaching up to grab where her fingers tugged together nervously, his hold featherlike, his face softening when he saw her expression, “I don’t want you to be anything like me. I like you just how you are,” 
She sighed, eyes doe like with emotion as she looked at him, “Really?”
He smiled, a rare and genuine smile as she seemed to glow under his words, “Yes, really.” Spencer allowed himself to enjoy the way that the twinkle returned to her expression when he smiled at her with something almost like the old Spencer in him, before he cleared his throat, “We all like you. Everyone on the team likes how you are,”
She paused, nodding to herself as if knocking herself out of a silly daze, and Ace bounced on his hind legs trying to get her attention again. 
“You don’t think I’m too sensitive?” She asked, holding her palm out for the dog to nuzzle at with that wet nose of his. 
Spencer shook his head, “Sensitive is good. It means you feel something. Means you feel the good things deeper too,” 
Her smile was blinding, because she’d never thought of it that way before, and she looked like her old self again. Spencer wasn’t stupid enough to think she was never going to think about Bobbie again, he still thought about that first UnSub he’d tried to save. He still thought about Tobias Hankel. He thought about them all. 
But he was going to make sure she never turned into him. He didn’t think he’d ever forgive himself if she did. He’d protect her sunlight even if it burned him to know he could never have her the way he wanted. Because she was everything good, and he was him. 
She looked down at Ace, the life returning to her as she stood aside for the two of them to enter her house, “Tea?”
Yep. Spencer felt something run hot knowing she would always be out of reach. Didn’t stop him from thinking about it, though. 
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joelsgreys · 2 days
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Post Outbreak! Joel Miller x Female Reader
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snapshots masterlist l fic notifs
summary: You come home from your first day back out on patrol and find Joel giving your daughter a bath.
warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. JACKSON ERA. GIRLDAD!JOEL. established relationship. this specific work does not mention reader’s age (other works in this series may mention she is younger than Joel), no physical description of reader, Rosemary comes with a slight physical description (she has Joel’s hair color/hair type and eye color, no mentions of her skin tone). brief mention of Sarah, brief mention of Joel being a single father pre outbreak, Joel and Ellie are fine because i said so and it’s what he deserves, okay? general fluff and a lot of cuteness, brief smutty themes, but nothing explicit. minimal editing.
word count: 2.3k
a/n: short little thing, but this feels like the cutest thing i have written in a while. if you enjoy it, please consider reblogging or leaving a comment <33
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Joel sighs to himself as he scrapes the remnants of Rosemary’s lunch into the bin of food scraps beside the kitchen counter—the neighbor’s chickens were in for a real treat tomorrow morning when he dropped them off on his way to patrol. He had just about coaxed his two and a half year old daughter into eating the crust of her jam sandwich when Ellie walked into the kitchen with a soccer ball tucked under her arm, a trade he was fairly certain she’d made more for the toddler’s sake than her own.
She was sixteen now, spent more time with her friends than she did with her family lately, but her soft spot for the little girl always, always brought her back home.
“Hey kid, look what I’ve got,” Ellie had grinned, holding the ball out for the child to see. “What do you say we go out back and kick this thing around? Sound like fun?”
He frowned, the creases between his brows deepening.
“Ellie, can’t you see I’m in the middle of feedin’ her—”
But it had been too late.
Rosie’s dark brown eyes widened, and she squealed in delight. “Down! Down!” she had exclaimed, whacking her teeny hands down on top of her wooden high chair on either side of her plate. “Daddy! Down, want down!”
Joel decided to put his foot down.
Well, he had tried to put his foot down, anyway.
“Not ‘til you’ve finished every last bite, babygirl. Y’gotta finish your sandwich and eat all your carrots, alright?”
“M’all done,” she’d insisted, placing both hands on her belly. Although Joel would have preferred she clean her plate, you had taught him to honor her fullness cues.
“We have to listen to Rosemary,” you’d told him. “If she says she’s full, then she’s full. The last thing we want to do is force her to keep eating when she’s not hungry, Joel. Her relationship with food starts with us, after all.”
“You’re startin’ to sound like that goddamn child rearin’ book,” he had teased you, earning himself a stern glare.
He liked to give you a hard time about it, but the truth of the matter was, that parenting book you found in the library turned out to be pretty helpful for both of you—while this wasn’t Joel’s first rodeo, the last time he had been around a child this young was over three decades ago. With Sarah, he’d flown through her childhood by the seat of his pants, went through a lot more trial and error scenarios than he liked to admit.
Often, Joel found himself feeling guilty. He tried to give some credit to the clueless young man in his twenties, the one who had been left to raise his baby girl all on his own when her mom couldn’t take it anymore after one year. Things turned out alright, but whenever he sees you with Rosemary, takes in the way you pour your entire heart into being a good mother to yours and his daughter, he can’t help but reminisce on his first life, on all those moments he felt so hopeless—all of those moments when he didn’t know what to do, and had no one to turn to for help. No one to lean on.
Oh how he wished Sarah could have known what it was like to have both of her parents at her side.
Like Rosie does.
Sighing, Joel places her plate in the sink, along with his own. He turns and glances at the clock on the wall—it’s half past noon, and he knows your early morning patrol group should be arriving back to the town’s main gates any minute now. Sure, caring for Rosemary had served as a decent distraction, but every so often, his anxieties would creep up on him. He worried about you being out there on the other side of the wall. And if you being out there wasn’t bad enough, you were out there without him.
“I’m back on the patrol roster next week,” you informed him one evening while the two of you were cleaning the kitchen after supper. You winced when he dropped the plate in his hands into the sink, the loud clanking noise bouncing off the walls. You wasted no time in pleading your case. “It’s been almost three years, Joel. I have to get back to pulling my weight around here. As much as I’d love to, I can’t stay home forever, and you know that as well as I do.”
Slowly, he’d spun around to face you, the muscle in his jaw ticking—he wasn’t happy. “Find another job,” he bit through his teeth. “Somethin’ in town. Somethin’ safe.”
“Joel—”
“You’re a mother now!” he hissed, angrily.
“And you’re a father,” you’d countered without missing a beat. Knowing Joel’s reaction was only coming from a place of concern, you walked up to him and placed a hand on his heaving chest, right over his racing heart in an effort to calm him. “Look, I’m just capable of getting myself home safely as you are, alright? And if it makes you feel any better, I’ll be partnered with Tommy. He’ll have my back.”
He’d found very little consolation in that.
Joel sighs again and reaches for the faucet.
“Uh, Joel?” Ellie’s voice comes from behind him.
“What?” He turns around, his jaw dropping open when he sees her standing there, carefully holding Rosemary out towards him by her underarms. She’s covered from head to toe in mud. “What the hell did you do to her?”
“You know how it was raining for like three days?” Ellie shoots him a sheepish smile. “The ball went into a mud puddle, and well, she sorta went in after it.”
“Jesus Christ, she’s filthy!” Exasperated, Joel narrows his eyes at her. “Why weren’t you watchin’ her?”
“I was, but she was too fast! Kid’s a little speed demon, man. Aren’t ya, Rosie?”
Rosie giggles and kicks her dangling feet, mud dripping off her tiny, leather oxford shoes and onto the floor with an audible splatter.
“She’s gonna be home from patrol any minute now,” he says, shaking his head. “If she sees Rosie like this, she’ll have my ass, and yours.” Carefully, he takes Rosemary from Ellie’s hands, holding her out and away from him. He jerks his chin towards the dirty floor. “Clean up this mess while I take her upstairs and give her a bath. We might just be able to get away with this.”
She gives him a thumbs up. “You got it, old man.”
“C’mon, Rosie Posie. Let’s get you all washed up before mama gets home and puts all three of us in a timeout.”
She gives him a wide, toothy smile. “Okay, daddy.”
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Groaning, you shove through the front door.
You had underestimated how difficult it would be to get back in the saddle of a horse after almost three years of not being in one.
It would take some getting used to—again.
“Fuck,” you hiss, closing the door and leaning against it for support. Your knees. Your thighs. Your lower back.
There isn’t a single part of you that isn’t aching.
After taking a minute to collect yourself, you push away from the door and toe off your old, brown leather boots, leaving them there near the entryway. You call out, “I’m home!”
“Oh hey!” From seemingly out of nowhere, Ellie comes speeding down the hallway, skidding to a stop in front of you with her backpack slung over her shoulder. “Just the person I wanted to see! Mind if I head over to Dina’s for a while?”
“How long is a while, El?”
“She invited me to stay for dinner.”
You raise a knowing eyebrow at her, a smirk tugging at the corners of your mouth. “Again?”
Flushing, Ellie nods. “Yeah.”
“Did you ask Joel for permission?”
“Aw come on, man! Do I really have to ask Joel?” She huffs and rolls her eyes. “I can hear him bitching at me already.” Dropping her voice several octaves, she starts to mimic him, accent and all. “Y’been spending every fuckin’ night over there. Don’t you forget you’ve got a family, kiddo.”
Amused, you chuckle and lightly nudge her shoulder. “I have to take his side on this one, Ellie. It would be nice for the four of us to have dinner together. You know, like we used to before Dina came into the picture?” 
“I’ll stay home for dinner for the rest of the week,” Ellie swears, clasping her hands together. “Please?”
Sighing in defeat, you step aside. “Alright, go ahead. I’ll hold you to your word though, alright?”
“Thank you!” she grins as she breezes past you and out the door, slamming it shut behind her.
Shrugging out of your jacket, you hang it up in the hall closet and then head upstairs. “Joel? Are you up here?” There’s no answer. You pass by Rosemary’s room first and peek inside only to find it empty. Furrowing a brow, you head a bit further down the hallway into yours and Joel’s bedroom. That’s when you hear his voice coming from the en suite bathroom.
There, you find him kneeling on the tile floor beside the tub, his back to you as he gives your daughter her bath. Hours ahead of her normal schedule, you realize.
Casually leaning against the doorframe, you cross your arms over your chest, and quietly watch them, your lips already curling into a smile.
“What’s this?” Joel asks her, holding up a yellow rubber duck. It’s almost comical how small it looks in the palm of his large hand.
“Duckie!” Rosemary answers, enthusiastically.
He nods. “S’right, honey. It’s a duckie. And what sound does a duckie make?”
Craning your neck, you catch a glimpse of her sweet little face as she stares at him, her expression a mingle of equal parts curiosity and confusion.
“C’mon now, babygirl,” Joel prompts her, handing her the toy. “Mama taught you this already, remember?”
She looks at the rubber duck and thinks, thinks, thinks. 
After a minute, Rosie gasps and shouts, “Quack!”
“S’right! Good job, Rosie,” he praises. Leaning over the edge of the tub, he presses a kiss into her damp, dark brown curls. “That’s my girl. You’re so smart.”
“Quack!” Giggling, Rosie lifts her chubby arms over her head, bringing them down into the water with all of her might, splashing Joel. She does it over and over again, soaking his face and the front of his denim shirt as she chants, “Quack, quack, quack!”
“Alright, alright, alright!” Joel laughs, shaking his head. He lifts an arm, wiping at his face with the sleeve of his shirt. “S’enough, my little duck. Daddy already had his shower today.”
Grinning, you saunter up behind him, and with a bit of protest from your back, you bend over to kiss the top of his head. You say in jest, “Without me?”
“Mama!” Rosie cries happily, reaching for you.
“Hi baby, I missed you!” Leaning down further, you kiss her cheek, the soothing, calming scent of her lavender soap invading your senses. Drawing yourself back up to full height, you glance down at Joel with suspicion. “Is there any particular reason you’re giving her a bath so early today?”
You can tell he’s contemplating lying to you. That is, until your eyes flicker over to her muddy clothes, which lie in a heap next to the hamper.
He’d forgotten to get rid of the evidence.
“Joel? What happened to my child?”
“We, uh, we had a little problem earlier this afternoon,” Joel explains, his ears burning red. “She was out in the backyard playin' with Ellie and she got into one of the mud puddles.”
“Rosemary Miller!” you playfully scold her. Placing your hands on your hips, you ask,“Is that true, young lady? Did you get into a mud puddle?”
Rosie beams. “Yeah!”
Rolling your eyes, you laugh and shake your head. “You silly girl.”
“Thought you’d be mad, darlin’,” Joel admits, peering up at you in relief.
“Joel, all that I ask when I leave her alone with you and Ellie is that I come home and she’s still in one piece,” you tease him.
Dipping his hand into the water, Joel splashes you, and of course, Rosemary decides to follow his lead and she does the same, bursting into another fit of giggles.
“Get her, Rosie, get her!” he encourages her. 
“Hey!” You jump backwards, almost tripping over your own feet. “Cut it out! You’re getting water everywhere!”
About an hour later, once both Rosie and the bathroom floor are dry, Joel puts her down for her long overdue afternoon nap. He heads back into the bedroom where you’re digging in a drawer for a pair of clean leggings and a sweatshirt. He comes up behind you, his arms snaking around your waist as he nuzzles his nose into your neck. He inhales deeply. 
“Ew, Joel, stop it! I’m all filthy,” you say, wiggling to get away from him. 
Joel holds you tighter. “Mm, I love it when you’re filthy, baby,” he smirks. “C’mon. She’s out for at least an hour. We’ve got some time to ourselves.”
“I’m so sore,” you whine. “From riding a horse all day.”
His lips find the shell of your ear and he whispers, “Too sore to ride me, darlin’?”
Biting back a tiny whimper, your head falls back onto his shoulder as wet heat pools between your thighs. He lightly nips at your pulse point, his teeth scraping your tender, delicate flesh.
“Jesus,” you breathe when he presses into you. You feel him against the small of your back—he’s already hard. “Can you at least let me bathe first?”
Joel hums. “I’ve got a better idea, baby.” Spinning you around, he reaches for the buttons of your shirt. “How’s about we save some water and shower together?”
“Thought you already had a shower today,” you remind him of what he’d said earlier.
He pushes your shirt off your shoulders and licks his lips. “I’m sure as hell up for another one.”
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divider credit to @/saradika 🩵
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godslino · 2 days
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HARD LAUNCH | minho drabble. established relationship.
“Do you guys have french fries?”
“Minho.” you hiss, nudging his shin beneath the table.
He cocks an eyebrow before turning back to the waitress. She smiles softly, laughing at the two of you. 
“We do, yes.” 
“Wonderful,” Minho grins, “We’ll have a side order of those too.”
“Perfect. I’ll put that in for you guys and check back soon.” The waitress says happily, collecting the menus and scurrying off to tend to another table.
As soon as she’s out of earshot, you groan, covering your face with your hands. 
“Why would you do that?” 
Minho chuckles, shakes his head probably. You wouldn’t know since you can’t see him.
“Do what?”
Still using one hand to cover your eyes, you pull the other away, pointing an accusatory finger in his direction. “I told you I’d be fine. Why’d you have to ask for french fries? That’s so embarrassing.”
Minho hums. Unbothered. “You know what’s worse?”
“Literally nothing.” you mumble, returning your other hand to your face. It only serves to muffle your voice more. “This is humiliating. We’re in a nice restaurant and you ordered french fries because of me. Oh God. I’m going to hide in the bathroom.”
A good choice, you think. Minho’s in god damn slacks for crying out loud. Every second that passes is another second that your pity order of french fries is probably spending in the deep fryer, right next to the lobster tail and shrimp tartar that everyone else has a mature enough palate to eat. 
Before you can move to get up and make a beeline for the toilet, you feel Minho’s fingers wrap around your wrists, pulling until your hands give way to your face. You crack one eye open and then the other, his amused expression coming into view.
“What’s worse than ordering french fries is me knowing you’ll be hungry if there isn’t something familiar for you on the table.” he says pointedly, like your reason for feeling embarrassed is unnecessary. “Besides, who said I didn’t want any?”
“Min, look around,” you say, turning your head to glance at the room, “The napkins are cloth. Cloth! Nicer than my bed sheets. We can’t be seen eating french fries in a place like this. I told you I’d be—”
“—fine. Because as long as you’re here I can do anything.” Minho recites, word for word, cutting you off. 
Heat rushes to your cheeks immediately, spreads like wildfire when Minho smiles and leans on to his forearms. His button up tightens over his shoulders, hugs his arms, sleeves rolled up to the elbow.
“Just like how you’re doing this for me, let me do something for you.” 
You and Minho have been seeing each other for four months now, but even at that, you’re still not used to his straightforwardness. 
Seeing Minho has been nothing short of a dream. What started as just interacting at parties because of mutual friends eventually gave way to him asking for your number, and then hanging out separate from your friend group, until one day he plucked up the courage to ask you out. Since then, the two of you have been inseparable, always spending every free moment together. Laughing, talking, even sometimes just existing in the same space. It’s nice. So, so nice.
“Shouldn’t I be the one blushing right now?” Minho teases.
“Shut up.” you say, tearing your gaze away from him.
He laughs again before reaching out and placing a hand on top of yours. Soft. Minho is unbelievably soft.
It’s the thing you love the most about him. But more than that, more than the delicate skin of his fingers or the brush of his lips against yours, you love the softness of his eyes.
Minho is hard to crack, his emotions shrouded most of the time. Not that he wants to be, but because that’s just how he operates, or so you’ve learned. 
But despite all of that, his eyes are a dead giveaway. When he’s looking at pictures of his cats, or staring at you from across the room, or right now as steaming plates of some of the finest cuisine Seoul has to offer are being placed in front of him.
“Holy shit.” he whispers, staring in awe as the waitress walks away from the table.
“Is it rude for me to take a picture? Like, would anyone get offended?” 
Minho scoffs. “Babe, I would be offended if you didn’t document this right now.”
“Okay, okay,” you laugh, pulling out your phone.
“Do I get to be in it this time?”
You look up to find Minho pouting across the table. Another thing about your relationship— nobody knows yet. 
You’ve been teasing about the possibility of a boyfriend for two months now, you and Minho only having made it official about a few weeks ago. The most anyone has been able to see are carefully positioned photos where only his hand or other inconspicuous parts of him are visible.
It’s not that you don’t want people to know. It’s just hard with his job and all. Privacy reasons.
"For someone who likes to claim that people won't give me a hard time because of your fame you sure do seem eager to test that theory."
Minho smiles mischievously. “Well, yes. But I’m also waiting because I want to show you off.”
You busy yourself with opening your camera app to stop the heat creeping up your neck. “Yeah, yeah. You big flirt.”
Minho laughs but obliges, scoots back to let you get a good few pictures of the food. 
Photos aren’t enough to do it justice, though. So you opt for a video, scanning the table with your camera, only the bottom half of his torso visible across the table. A silk white button up only three-fourths of the way buttoned, sleeves rolled to his elbows.
Minho watches silently, his face unreadable. And then, at the last second, he dips his head down so fast you don’t even realize what’s happening until his face is fully in the shot, a shit-eating grin pushing his eyes into crescent moons.
“Min!” you laugh, ending the recording. 
He chuckles, straightening back out. “Post it.”
“Are you insane?”
“No, but I’m going to be if you don’t post it and then eat with me.” He nudges the plate of french fries towards you. “Come on.”
“You really want me to post it? You’re sure?”
Minho smiles. Soft. “Never been more sure about anything in my life.” he says, neither of you willing to address the weight of his words.
He grabs your hand, plants a kiss on the back of your knuckles. The resulting flip of your stomach is enough to give you the courage to hit post and tuck your phone away.
Whatever happens, you’ll deal with it later. Together.
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amourane · 3 days
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kick in the right direction
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pairing: football player!seungcheol x mascot!reader
genre: fluff, university au
w/c: 0.9k
summary: seungcheol is the star football player in your university but he becomes a bumbling mess in front of you.
warnings: none, you do get hit by a ball though
a/n: i have decided to start writing fics for seventeen too because i just love them way way too much <3
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Seungcheol doesn’t know what to say. He usually has an explanation for his actions. There doesn’t seem to be anything coming to his mind when he sees you on the ground. The problem with being the star player on the football team was the amount of trust his coach put on him. As well as the thought that they needed to win every game, that wasn’t a problem though because Choi Seungcheol was a beast when he was in game mode. His aim was the best on the whole team, he’d never missed a goal. 
Obviously today was an off day.
“You’re staring, Cheol.” Jeonghan gives him a hearty slap on the back. “You really like our school mascot don’t you?” All Seungcheol can do is nod, watching as Seungkwan helps you up.
He really wants to go over and say sorry for nearly knocking you out with his kick but he can’t. Not because he doesn’t want to but because he simply can’t. It’s stupid really. Choi Seungcheol, star player of the football team, can’t say two words when he’s faced with you. He’s tried speaking to you. Once after a game, not the best choice because he’d become so nervous he spilt his water bottle all over you. Even after you told him it was fine he was still stuttering his words. Another time he’d managed to catch you walking down the hallway. The moment you smiled and said ‘hi’ his mind blanked. No words could come out of his mouth and he stood there gaping like a goldfish.
Talking to girls was easy for Seungcheol. He could give them a smile and they’d be fawning all over him. You were different. There isn’t one time he’s had a full conversation with you with nothing embarrassing happening. He’d stumble over his words or nothing would come out of his mouth. The only thing that kept him from giving up was the fact you would grin every time he came up to you and he didn’t like giving up.
“Of course I like her!” Seungcheol runs a hand through his hair. “I just don't know what to do?”
“You could ask her out.”
“I can’t!” 
His friend arches an eyebrow, clearly puzzled. "What do you mean you can't ask her out? Like you're scared, or you don't know how to, because those two are completely different things." Jeonghan's tone is gentle but probing, urging Seungcheol to confront the root of his hesitation.
“That’s not it. I’ve got everything planned out. I know what to say and I know where I want to bring her to. There’s a whole plan in my notebook, it’s coloured in and everything!”
“Then what’s the problem?”
Seungcheol fiddles with the hem of his shirt. “Whenever I go up to her to ask her out my throat closes and I can’t find the right words. Or when I try to even write my confession, my hand freezes and no letters can be written. It’s even worse because I manage to make a fool of myself whenever I’m in front of her!” He kicks the football away.
Jeonghan sighs, staring at Seungcheol as he aimed a perfect kick to the goal. The boy was completely enamoured by you. Practically the whole school knew about his crush on you. Everyone was just waiting for the day the both of you would come in hand in hand. 
//
“Y/n, oh my god! Are you okay?” Seungkwan was shaking you by your shoulders. You rub your head. That football was really hard. Who knew air could hurt you? “How many fingers am I holding up?” He waves three fingers around and your eyes struggle to adjust to his trembling hand.
“Calm down. I just got hit in the head, I don’t have a concussion or anything.” You just know there’s going to be a huge bump on your forehead tomorrow. “It’s partly Stuart’s fault.” You pat the dragon costume you had on. The fuzzy green body was heavy and the long swishy tail at the back was quite annoying to lug around.
"Why are you blaming our mascot? Stuart did nothing wrong," Seungkwan interjects, shooting a pointed glare at Seungcheol. "Star player my ass." He mutters under his breath, clearly unimpressed.
“Hey, don’t blame him. I’m sure it was an accident.” You give Seungcheol a little smile and an ‘okay’ sign to tell him everything was fine. 
“I can’t believe you like that dumbass, he can’t string two sentences together when he’s in front of you.” Seungkwan helps you up, handing you Stuart’s head. You dust off the dirt on your costume. 
What was there not to like about Choi Seungcheol? He was popular, athletic, smart and talented in everything. Not to mention he was the literal definition of eye candy. There hadn’t been many occasions where you two had met. He’d always stutter helplessly or his cheeks would resemble a fire truck, which was very endearing. It was quite funny seeing him stumble over his words whenever he tried to ask you out.
“Why don’t you just ask him out? You already know he likes you, not that he makes it the most obvious thing in the world.” 
“But isn't it just the cutest thing when he tries to ask me out but he’s a stuttering blushing mess?” You giggle when you catch sight of the pout Seungcheol has on his face. “I hope he asks me out soon though, I can’t wait to finally go on a date with him.” 
The smile you shoot at Seungcheol has him tripping over his feet, face planting into the ground. Suppressing your laughter behind your hand, you watch as he hurriedly picks himself up, only to see his teammates rolling on the floor with amusement.
“How long are you even willing to wait?”
“As long as it takes.”
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evilwickedme · 3 days
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I keep seeing news that Israel has rejected a ceasefire deal from Hamas and/or that Hamas has rejected a ceasefire deal from Israel, and I'm having a very hard time keeping up with what's true, what terms have been rejected by who, and how ceasefire negotiations have been going in general. Do you have any information you could share or sources you could direct me to that would give this kind of news in an unbiased way? I think that saying that either side rejected a deal without explaining what parts of the terms were not agreed with is dishonest and I hate that I keep seeing it.
Thanks and I hope you're well and safe.
I'm not going to source this with anything specific cause my job is in the news so I'm just doing this off the cuff while literally on the bus there lmao
Both sides are in fact constantly rejecting ceasefire deals, for their own reasons. Some scattered thoughts from the last several months of coverage
One of the biggest points is ending the war. Hamas keeps going back and forth on this but is mostly insisting that even for the first, humanitarian stage of the hostage/ceasefire deal Israel must agree to take out all of its troops and essentially leave Hamas to remain the ruling party in the Gaza strip
This is essentially the only hard no on Israel's side. Netanyahu especially refuses to end the war without a military victory that essentially is impossible to get without entering Rafah (and in my opinion is currently impossible to achieve at all). There is a willingness to pause the war in exchange for the hostages up to a certain degree, but there simply isn't a chance that Israel is going to give up on defeating the remaining Hamas military divisions in Rafah and hopefully killing Sinwar
A lot of the problem is that Hamas will present a deal that Israel finds unacceptable, Israel will take time to deliberate, come up with a middle ground, and then Hamas will actually make a worse offer in return. A lot of things that Israel is currently putting on the table were things Hamas originally requested and was willing to be on those terms, but now they want things that are even further from Israel's interests.
For example, at first Hamas was asking for women and children to be allowed to go back to northern Gaza. Now they are asking for the entire civilian population to return to northern Gaza... And for Israel to not even check that no Hamas agents are going back up north, where there are still many rocket launchers that were never found. Personally I would like that not to happen, as I would like rockets to not be launched at me. Maybe that's a lot to ask, idk
Another example is the fact that at first Hamas asked for a certain number of terrorists to be freed, but that about a third of them (iirc) would be picked by Hamas, with no veto power given to Israel. The offer currently on the table gives Israel no veto power at all, and unlike the deal from November where Israel only freed terrorists who failed to kill anyone, this time Israel will be required to pretty much exclusively free murderers.
The truth is Hamas has very little interest in a hostage deal. They don't want the terrorists in Israeli prisons as much as we want the hostages that are, according to current intelligence, being used as human shields, many of them surrounding Sinwar at all times. The first hostage deal led to humanitarian aid being brought into Gaza, which due to Israeli negligence has been taken over by Hamas; aid is being increased (although not enough) with no "return on investment" so to speak for Israel.
(sidenote: yes, there is not enough aid entering Gaza. Also, a lot of the aid is being taken by Hamas officials, with the remains being sold at outrageous prices to the refugees. Shit is bad from all directions here)
Meanwhile, the IDF has essentially pulled all its soldiers out of Gaza. There are currently only two military divisions in Gaza iirc, and they're mostly just staying there with not much happening. The current attack on Rafah is "small scale", and comes as a direct result of rockets being shot at south Israel on Sunday, resulting in several people being grievously injured. Overall, not much military action is happening, meaning that, for example, agreeing to cease military activities in Gaza is relatively unimportant to Hamas rn (emphasis on to Hamas).
And another truth is netanyahu ALSO doesn't want a ceasefire. The moment this war ends the public will demand an election (hell, a THIRD of the public is demanding an election NOW, before the end of the war), and he has lost many of his more casual voters. He will be forced out of the government either by his party or by the voters, and netanyahu wants power over all else, fuck the hostages.
He doesn't WANT to answer for his actions in front of his citizens. It's no coincidence that he is willing to be interviewed by the foreign press but no Israeli papers or channels; it's no coincidence that he refuses to allow the Israeli negotiators to come up creative solutions, instead giving them extreme restrictions. And his absolute refusal to even acknowledging the possible existence of a future Palestinian state is going to fuck Israel over in unimaginable ways
In short, fuck Hamas, fuck Netanyahu and the current extreme right wing government, #bringthemhome #freegazafromhamas and #ceasefirenow
As usual, I recommend a mix of Haaretz, the NYT, and the wall street journal as my favorite although never unbiased journalism on i/p. It is so important that we all understand that nobody is unbiased about any political issue, including me, and especially not about Israel and Palestine. It is an extremely charged subject that is best parsed out by reading from a variety of sources, and always noting that if something is only quoted or referenced by sources from one "side", it's frankly probably not true.
I hope for the best, and may this nightmare end as soon as possible
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sweetbans29 · 1 day
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Sleepy - CC
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Pairing: Caitlin Clark x Reader Summary: 3 times Caitlin falls asleep when she's not supposed to and 1 time when you do
Warnings: absolute cuteness
Word Count: 2.6k
Sweetbans Masterlist
AN: Enjoy!
one. previews.
It's a Saturday night and you and Caitlin have a movie night planned. She has been going hard in training causing her to be pretty drained but she is never one to cancel plans with you.
You decided you wanted to go see the new romcom - Anyone But You which Caitlin was all for.
The two of you get to the theater early. One of your favorite things about going to the movies is watching the previews. You head to the concession stand and grab some drinks and popcorn. While Caitlin is deciding on what to drink, you sneak a bag of nerd clusters on the counter.
You go into the theater and begin to make yourselves comfortable. You love going to the theater that has full reclining seats - your theater has set its seats as loveseats allowing you to move the middle armrest up. It was perfect for a date night - or when Caitlin feels cuddly.
Tonight is one of those nights. As you put your drink down and situate your popcorn, Caitlin's chair is already reclined and she has raised the armrest.
Once you sit back and recline your chair, you feel a tug at your arm.
Looking over, you lift your arm thinking she wanted some of the popcorn but she just curls up into your side. You let out a little laugh and give her a little squeeze.
When Caitlin is tired, she gets really cuddly. It is one of your favorite things in the world. Your girlfriend, who is several inches taller than you, turns into a baby sloth. She slowly finds you, making her way to your side (or on top of you if your side isn't close enough for her), and rests. Most of the time she ends up falling asleep, there are some times that she just listens to your breathing. She is a simple girl.
You bring your hand up and stroke her hair. She lets out a content sigh and tries to move even closer to you.
"Babe, if you keep pushing me, I am not going to have any space," you say with a little laugh. She just groans and keeps you pinned between her and the other armrest.
The previews begin to play and your eyes are glued to the screen. It is great to see what is coming soon. By the third preview - you feel a light vibration on your chest.
You look down to see Caitlin snoring - completely knocked out. You know how hard she has been going at practices and saw the redness in her eyes on your way to the theater. She wouldn't say anything but you knew and you knew she going to be exactly in the position she was in and you couldn't care less. She loves you enough to go out and see a movie even with the chance of her falling asleep.
You bring your hand up and brush her hair behind her ear. The theater is dark with the exception of the screen lighting her face every now and again.
You can't help but look down and admire her. She is absolutely stunning. It doesn't matter the time of day or what she is doing, she will never not be beautiful to you.
She looks peaceful as you continue to play with the hair you just tucked behind her ear. You could stay like this forever.
The movie begins to play and you are in a predicament - do you let your girl sleep or do you wake her up? Looking at her, her mouth is slightly opened as she is in a deep slumber. As you continue to look at her, you know she isn't here for the movie, she is here for you.
You decide to let her sleep.
You watch the whole movie, trying not to laugh or move too much. The movie ends and Caitlin hasn't moved a muscle. You let her get a few more minutes in as the credits roll and try to clean everything up with your free hand.
Once the credits end you know you have to wake your sleeping beauty. You lean down to kiss her on the head, just one last moment before you are met with your girlfriend-turned-clingy-child.
"Caitlin, love," you say as you begin to shake her. "You need to get up."
She doesn't budge and you sigh. Waking Caitlin from a deep sleep is never an easy task. You typically try to avoid it if possible but under these circumstances, you don't think the theater will let you stay the night.
You begin to shake her more aggressively, although you wish you didn't have to. "Caitlin, you need to get up."
She mumbles something inaudible and buries her face in you.
You begin to pinch her sides, knowing she doesn't like it when you do that when she's tired but you are left with no option. On the second squeeze, she pops up and gives you a look that makes you feel bad.
"We need to go home love," you say, believing she isn't aware of her surroundings.
She looks around and is confused. When she looks back at you she says, "What happened to the movie?" She gets up and you grab all of your trash, heading out of the theater.
"You were so tired and looked so peaceful that I didn't want to wake you. Plus I know you only came for me and that was enough for me," you say and give your girl a smile.
"I can't believe you let me sleep through the whole movie, I actually wanted to see that one," she says.
You give a little laugh.
“Babe, you and I both know if I would have woken you up, you would have fallen right back to sleep.” You say.
“I wouldn’t not have,” she fights back, knowing you are 100% right.
You just give her a look and a little push. You both know you were right.
two. study break.
It is a cloudy Thursday afternoon when Caitlin comes over to study. Your girlfriend is in the thick of the season which means she is as busy as ever. But just because she is a college athlete, doesn't mean she is exempt from school work.
The two of you have a big exam coming up for one of your classes and decided that you would study for a few hours each day to make sure you are both prepared. You were committed to making sure Caitlin kept up her grades. As much as she tries to fight you at times, she knows the importance of finishing her degree.
She gets to your place and immediately crashes on your bed.
"Are you ready to get to studying?" You ask as you bring your book over and settle on the bed next to her.
"Why don't we take a rest day and binge some Ted Lasso or something," she suggests, not in the mood to study.
"Caitlin Clark, the exam is tomorrow. We are not taking a 'rest day' for studying," you say with a little laugh.
She just rolls her eyes and hugs one of your pillows. She loves how your scent overpowers her senses whenever she is in your bed. It provides an unmatched sense of comfort.
You throw her book to her and the two of you begin studying. Occasionally asking each other questions, the time is spent with your faces buried in notes and books.
After about 45 minutes of studying, you feel a little tap on your leg. Looking up, you see Caitlin looking at you.
"Can you get us some snacks?" She asks with the same energy as a child asking their parent for a cookie before dinner. She is the cutest thing you have ever seen.
"Of course babe," you say as you stand up. You lean over to kiss the top of her head and she looks up at you waiting for a proper kiss. You are never one to deny Cait a kiss.
"Can you make us grilled cheeses?" She asks, with a glint of hope in her eyes.
"You got it, sweetheart," you tell her as you go to the kitchen to make food.
It takes you about 20 minutes to make the grilled cheese, you also headed up some tomato soup because you felt it fit the weather. You put everything on a tray and make your way back to your room.
The second you walk in, you find Caitlin passed out in your bed. She found her way under your covers and nestled herself in the middle of your bed, not even taking the time to move either of your study materials.
You shake your head and can tell you have been slightly played by your girlfriend.
You set the tray down on the ground as you sit next to Caitlin. You take some of her hair and begin to tickle her nose.
She swats it away with a groan.
"You miss are supposed to be studying." You say as you tickle her nose again.
She gets fed up with your actions and in one swift move, opens the comforter, grabs you, and brings you into her chest as she closes the covers. You have been captured by the arms of your girl and know that there is no easy way out.
"Cait, we need to keep studying," you say as you try to wiggle the way out of her grip.
"No," is all she says as she squeezes you even tighter. Her eyes are closed and she is determined to take a nap with you.
"I made you food and it is going to get cold." You say still trying to fight your way out of her arms.
"Stop. Moving." She says as she grabs one of your hands and forces it to stop from pushing you away from her.
"Cailin Clark." You try to threaten your tired girlfriend.
"We are taking a nap and that is final," she says. "When we wake up, we reheat the food, eat, and then get back to studying."
You sigh in defeat, knowing this is a battle you will not win. You move your arm being held by her to wrap around her waist. You make yourself comfortable and feel your eyelids get heavy.
Even when you don't see it, Caitlin somehow always knows what you need. She is rubbing your back as you begin to doze off.
"Sleep tight, my love," you hear her say as you let a much-needed sleep take over you.
three. drive.
You and Caitlin spent the weekend at Lake Michigan. It was a nice little getaway that both of you needed. It was Labor Day weekend which meant you had the Monday off from school, the perfect time to take a little break.
It was a great weekend. The two of you spent a lot of time just resting by the lake and enjoying each other's presence.
As you begin your drive back to Iowa, you turn over to Caitlin.
"You aren't going to fall asleep on me are you?" You say as you look over at your girlfriend.
"I am not going to fall asleep," she says.
"Okay, I am going to be watching you," you respond, not believing her.
"I promise," she says. You give her a little smile and turn on some music.
The two of you spend some time singing in the car. Once the drive slows down and you have another 2.5 hours left, Calitlin puts on a podcast.
You are hooked on what she put, everything around you fading away.
About an hour passes when the podcast comes to an end and the car goes silent.
"Babe, put something else on," you say not taking your eyes off of the road.
No response.
You look over and see your girl with her arms crossed, head leaning on the window - asleep.
The first thing you think of is that she broke her promise. The next is how cute she looks but you can't let that stop you from expressing your disappointment with her.
You decide not to wake her and let you wake up on her own.
You are about a half hour out when Caitlin begins to stir. She immediately sits up straight and looks over at you. You don't make a move and keep your eyes on the road. The car is still silent as Caitlin's phone was connected and you didn't want to use your phone while driving.
"Babe, I am so sorry," she says as she reaches over to touch your arm.
You move it slightly, signaling you don't want to feel her touch. Caitlin feels a pang in her chest.
"I know I wasn't supposed to fall asleep, I just couldn't help it," she says, eyes begging you to look her way.
"You promised." That is all you say.
"I know, baby. I promise I will make it up to you," she says, still wanting any sort of eye contact from you.
You don't say anything. After a moment you look over at her. You can see the apology in her eyes.
Taking one hand off the wheel, you grab Catilins hand and intertwine your fingers.
"You better make it up to me, I have been sitting here in silence for over an hour." You say, trying to hide the little smile that is making its way to your lips.
"Oh, don't worry babe." She says as she kisses your hand. "I have several ideas on how I can make it up to you."
ONE. basketball.
It is the first round of the NBA playoffs and Caitlin and you are posted up on her couch watching the Cavaliers play the Knicks. This was the second game the two of you were watching for the day. The first game being the Nuggets and the Timberwolves.
Whenever the two of you watch basketball together, you have to sit at opposite ends of the couch because Caitlin gets so into it, that it is impossible to sit next to her. She is always sitting one moment, then launching herself off the couch at a play. For both of your safety, opposite ends of the couch just make sense.
It is half time and you feel your eyes get heavy. You are sitting with your head leaning on your head, not the most comfortable position but the tiredness is overwhelming.
Before you know it you are passed out in the most uncomfortable position.
Caitlin is checking her phone during halftime. She is checking on the other games and scrolling through different social media platforms. She goes to ask you a question when she finds you asleep in what looks like a neck-breaking position.
The first thing she does is take a photo of you, knowing she would probably be changing her lock screen to it at some point because you’re adorable and she knows it will bug you.
She sets her phone down and makes her way to you and places a pillow in the middle of the couch. With the most delicate touch, she shifts your head into her hand, removes the pressure from your wrist, and gently lays you down on the couch. She delicately places your head on the pillow and slowly brings your legs up, bending them to tuck them into the end of the couch.
Her movements are effortless. She places a blanket on you and leans down to kiss you on the head.
She takes a second to just watch you sleep and admires your natural beauty.
She sits back on her end of the couch as the game comes back from halftime.
You end up sleeping through the rest of the game, only waking with Caitlin carrying you to her bed.
"Did they win?" You ask, not opening your eyes.
"Yes, babe. They won." Caitlin says with a little laugh. She places you in her bed and she takes her place on the other side. By the time she lays down, you have already scooted your way over to her side, ready to fall back to sleep in her arms.
AN: I feel like sleepy Caitlin would be the absolute cutest. I hope you enjoyed it! And as always, thank you for the love and support 🤍
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cute-sucker · 2 days
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arh i want cowbow rafe :(((( he's so mean and demeaning but you take it bc he's so hot
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note: i love this so much, and this is 100% rafe x pup, change my mind!!!
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he would be the meanest at his house parties.
it might be because he rarely has them...and he would be so demeaning because he knew you could take it as well. your legs thrown over his waist, as he carried you to tannyhill before the two of you get ready for the party.
he's speak so softly to you and you'd completely crumble to his hold, nodding your head at his claims of being a good girl for him - for the evening. he'd be holding you up, as you bounced around hoping that he would speak gently to you. he'd play with you, rough and tough. you would take it though, and promise him all those things.
however.... at the party, you'd get drunk while trying to put on his cowboy boots. he would get so pissed at you whenever you tried to turn into a "cow girl," because he knew it meant you trying to do a cartwheel in those scanty little shorts and flash all of his friends in the process.
instead he'd keep a heavy hand on your waist, as you grinned up to him, slobbering all over his white tee, and trying to tell him that you really really loved him. you'd be scooting all over his lap, trying to get closer so you could pepper kisses on his face. this he would hate the most because he had to act like a 'tough guy,' but the minute that you tried to whisper in his ear, he would groan and try not to kiss you. you'd get more impatient yk, because you loved him so much.
at a certain point of this party you would just hop on his lap, dainty and blinking up to him. lets be honest you'd try to bite his arm, and then promptly fall asleep. all the guys would make fun of him, and lets be honest a grumpy rafe with you sprawled all over his lap was a sight to see.
at this point, he would tell everyone that he was going to come back to drag you to bed, shoving your jaw open to make you swallow the pill, as you moaned about how mean he was. he's annoyed at this point, because all of his friends saw how misbehaved you were, and we all know that rafe thinks it reflects how whipped he is for you. he can hear their whispers saying how dumb he was for letting his girl run wild.
he's tell you to shut up, hand snaking around your shoulders, "shut up before i make you shut up." he'd spit out, and then tuck you into bed at gently as he could trying not to look at the way your eyes welled up with tears, as you pouted at him, trembling at you held out to the sheets of the bed. and after that he'd get back down to the party, listening to the guys joke around.
at one point he would let out a deep breath, knowing you were safe and sound in your bed. but of course, of course you came back down later on at the night. this time you were in your scanty pyjamas, where he was 100% sure you were not wearing panties as he huffed when you came down. you'd almost slipped on your way down, whimpering for rafe.
the minute you saw him, you jumped into his arms, as he clenched his jaw. "what is it?" he tried to say gently but it came out so roughly, you shivered. "what is it?"
"didn't like sleeping alone. i can't take it. there was this guy in our bed," you whimpered out, "he was watching me, i swear rafe. it was so scary and he was petting my head."
that caught his attention, turning around to check who was there. "what the fuck did you say?" he hisses out, before you flinch, and step away from him. "what did he look like?" you close your eyes, and shook your head, confused.
"don't know who he was, i got out of bed and ran. think he was wearing a brown shirt, and the cowboy hat"
at this point rafe is about to burst a vien as he closes his eyes. "alright, how about we end this party 'yea?" he murmured, and pushes your trembling figure into his hands, possessively placing his hand on that small part of your back.
by the end of the night, the two of you are huddled in bed, as you sleepily drool in his tight embrace. he can't help but feel confused at your previous statement, thinking about the creep in your bed. suddenly your small hand reaches out to touch his stubble, and he looks down at you pawing at his chest. you let out a small yelp, giving him a sweet drowsy smile.
"rafe, i wanna tell you a secret," you whisper, before pushing up in the bed to reach his ear. rafe groans before lowering himself, muttering something under his breath. you giggle softly, before giving him a little kiss on his neck.
"there was no one rafe. i lied. just wanted you in bed, and those awful people to go away. 'm sorry" you whisper painstakingly, "don't be mad please."
somehow he isn't mad, and instead he gently tells you to shut your eyes, and go to sleep.
he'll deal with your bratty behavior later.
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formula1blog · 3 days
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hey could you write about Carlos Sainz. Y/N is a 24 year old Spanish journalist and she and Carlos flirt all the time in front of the camera and Lando and Charles make fun of Carlos because he is always looking forward to doing an interview with Y/N ​​because they flirt hard every time. two that on twitter they created a hashtag on the flirting moments between y/n and carlos
Behind The Camera
Carlos Sainz x Spanish Journalist fem!reader
A/N: I hope this is wat you meant. I never worked with these fake apps before, so don't pay too much attention to dates and times.
One of the flirting scenes is highly based on that one Sebastian Vettel interview.
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The paddock was buzzing with people from all around the world. Grand stands were filled with the colors of different teams and drivers. There were big crowds of orange for the hometown heroes, Max verstappen and Lando Norris.
Cheers were heard as Carlos crossed the finish line in p2, just behind his teammate and in front of his old one. The red bull had crashed out of the race after the touch when Sergio Perez tried to overtake the Dutch man. Unfortunately both of the cars tuned into each other, moving Carlos up to third. After the pitstops he had managed to do an undercut on the Mclaren driver and finished on the second podium place.
"That is P2, mate. Good job," his race engineer congratulated him through the radio, prompting Carlos to let out an excited scream.
"Vamos!" he exclaimed, parking his car in front of the P2 sign and stepping out with a wide grin on his face. Charles stood on top of his own car, proudly displaying one finger in the air to signify his win. Carlos congratulated his fellow driver on the victory before turning to his team and embracing them in a warm hug, celebrating their shared success. It is a good day for the Ferrari fans and that didn't happen often.
.
"Congratulations Carlos on your p2. How are you feeling?" You ask with a bright smile on your face. You always loved interviewing Carlos. He is always really nice and you have nice conversations behind the cameras. Also a plus point that he drives for your favorite team.
"Great now that you are here," he answers, his eyes twinkling as he gives you a wink that sends a shiver down your spine. You have to try hard not to blush at the man's charming comment. "It's a great day for the team with a 1-2 finish. I hope we have more of these moments to come."
"You were absolutely flying out there today. Your performance was outstanding. I am sure that you have more of these moments. "
Carlos smiles at your words, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer than necessary. "Thank you. The car felt great and the team did a great job with the undercut." He had been looking forward to seeing you today after he heard you will do the podium post race interviews. Lets just say he had some extra motivation for this race.
"With the undercut you managed to get in front of Lando. Was it difficult to keep him behind?"
"Of course. He is a great driver and their car is very fast. He really had me concentrate those last laps. " Carlos looks back at where Lando was standing next to the race winner. Lando gave him a little smile for the comment.
"The safety car came at a good moment and you got a free pit from it. Do you think you could have had the same pace with the old ones?"
"The safety car did come at a great time. I was struggling with the tyres and really wanted to switch them. The team said I couldn't because then I had to drive out the race for the remaining laps and that was too many. So having an extra free stop really helped. "
"Any plans for after the race. How are you going to celebrate it?"
"I am sure there is a party planned already. Good thing is that it is summer holiday and we don't need to do training wasted." He jokes and you let out a laugh.
"Sounds great. Have any plans for the summer break? How are you going to spend your free time? "
"Well, What are your plans?" He smirks and you have to take a second to let your mind take in his comment. You want to play to game with him, but chose to be professional and do as if you don't get the hint.
"Nice of you to ask. I'm heading back to Spain to visit some family," you reply, trying to maintain your cool exterior even as your heart races at the thought of his attention turning towards you.
"I hope I see you around then, Hermosa" Carlos says, his smirk widening as he rakes a hand through his hair in a gesture that sends a jolt of desire through you. You say your goodbyes before Lando takes his place in front of your camera.
Out of your sight Charles laughs at his teammate and gives him a pat on the back, a playful smirk placed on his face.
"What?" Carlos looks at him with confused puppy eyes. He takes his water bottle and takes a sip.
"What are your plans." Charles imitates his teammates question before letting out a louder laugh that turns the head of other people. "Mate, just ask her out already. It is painful to watch you keep flirting with each other."
"I ask her what her plans are. That is just being polite."
"Alright. And when you found out she was doing the post race interviews, you didn't smile from ear to ear because you would be seeing her again?"
"She is a great journalist and my friend. "
When Lando came back from his interview with you he had made the same remark as Charles and Carlos just groaned in reply. He was not going to hear the end of it.
The fans on twitter were going wild after the interview. It wasn't the first time you and Carlos had shared some flirty comments and there were fan pages dedicated to the two of you. There was even a tag going around with all the fans favorite moments of you two together that you weren't aware of.
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Lando laughs as he opens twitter. He was at the celebration party after the race and he had sit down next to the two ferarri drivers after a round of shots.
" Whats so funny?" Carlos asks with a confused expresion as he tries to look at the Brits phone. Lando shows the Twitter reactions.
" Looks like you are the only blind one."
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AITA for being honest about what I would change about my boyfriend?
🥊🥊
I’m a cis guy (22m) and I have a boyfriend that’s transgender (20m). We’ve been together for 2 years.
My boyfriend is a very cute guy and he gets hit on a lot in queer spaces tbh. even by lesbians, and they fully see him as a guy. He’s just very sweet and approachable I guess. A lot of people tell him he’s super attractive and I agree, but there are just certain things about his body that don’t appeal to me.
We were at a friend’s birthday party. People got drunk, I was tipsy. We played this game that was like cards with questions about relationships/love/intimacy on them and the whole group would discuss.
One of the questions was something along the lines of "If you could change anything about your partner, what would it be?" Or whatever.
Now, I went first and said I’d probably make him less hairy and get rid of the dark spots in his crotch area and his acne scars. He has some discoloration around his private areas from a rash he got when he was like 13 and some faint scarring from pimples I guess. It’s not an issue, but definitely not my preference. Plus he can’t really shave clean down there because he has thick hair and it always makes him get those razor burn bumps or whatever. Fine by me, he’s hot as hell either way.
Plus, he has a lot of discoloration around his shoulders, back, chest and face from severe acne outbreaks from his puberty and then later again when he started taking testosterone. It’s calmed down a lot, but the scarring is still very prominent. It’s not an issue, just not very pretty to look at.
Please don’t get me wrong. He’s an incredibly attractive person, I just wish his skin was a little prettier. It’s a bit of a turnoff, that’s all. It never stopped me from being absolutely enamored with him.
But when I explained this, a little less explicitly than this of course, the group went dead silent. Everyone was staring at me, some of the girls even clasped their hands over their mouths etc.
When I looked at my boyfriend he was completely pale and was just blankly staring at me before getting up and saying he needs to pee. I just said okay and then gave the card to the person next to me. She very quietly said she’d take away her girlfriend’s anxiety because it hurts her to see the person she loves like that. That’s when it sort of dawned on me that I messed up and that I was way out of line for saying these things in front of our friends.
He apparently left soon after that, which I only found out through a friend. I was a little confused but figured he was just a little embarrassed. We don’t live together, so it isn’t unusual for one of us to leave before the other. But then I found out that his best friend left with him because he was sobbing and couldn’t stop.
I tried calling him and texting him for multiple hours and didn’t want to overstep any boundaries by just popping up at his home, so I gave up and eventually went home. That was two days ago and I still haven’t heard from him. He’s usually a very clingy and noisy person and always sends me small updates throughout the day, but I haven’t heard anything from him the entire time.
I’m so scared. I love this guy so much, he’s the sweetest and the single most interesting person I’ve ever met in my life. I know he has a lot of severe insecurity issues around his body, especially regarding his scarring. But it’s all gotten a lot better in recent months and he even began to love how hairy he is because it makes him feel euphoric.
Now I can’t help but feel like I took that away from him because of some stupid game. But at the same time, I don’t think it was fair for him to just up and leave without talking to me. We could’ve talked it out and I just wish he would communicate with me.
I already know I was a bit out of line for this, but I just tend to be uncomfortably honest. He knows this and loves me for it, so I’m confused why he’s THIS upset about this one. He’s never gone this long without talking to me.
Am I the asshole? I was just playing the game. I don’t think it’s fair to call me cruel for this just because other people are scared to be honest and say shit like they’d take away their partner’s mental illness. It’s so fake and that shit just pisses me off. Everyone has something they would change about their partner’s appearance.
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buckttommy · 3 days
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do you think buck makes his phone's lockscreen a cute picture of tommy?
yes, but it's not a cute picture of him necessarily. it's a picture of tommy sleeping on buck's sofa with his hair all askew, fabric crease tucked into his cheek. it's not the photo buck loves so much as it is the story behind it... waking up at two a.m. to his phone vibrating on his nightstand because tommy can't sleep.
"why don't you come here?"
"evan." he says it in that voice buck loves so much. "it's two in the morning."
"yeah, and i have an empty bed and i want to hold you. so come here."
so tommy does. he shows up on his doorstep with bags under his eyes and it's at that point that buck realizes this whole "can't sleep" thing isn't just tonight, it's been a couple of nights. they haven't seen each other in days because they've both been so busy but tommy looks tired in a way that's not just because he can't sleep. now, i have this headcanon that, despite spending time in the army, most of tommy's nightmares come from his childhood. and he was triggered the other day by maybe a smell or a taste but whatever it is, he's been up with nightmares literally every single night since.
buck gets them set up at his kitchen island with hot tea with milk and cinnamon and he's just like "babe why didn't you tell me?" and tommy shrugs a little because he's not used to this... this level of care, attentiveness, affection - he's not used to it and he doesn't know how to get used to it. but he can see buck is bothered that he didn't tell him. so he kisses him and apologizes and buck is like "okay, you know what? i'm making an executive decision. we're doing movies tonight."
tommy raises an eyebrow. "movies? are you serious? it's-" he glances at the clock. "evan, it's almost three in the morning. you need to sleep, i'm fine down here by myself."
but buck just waves him away and tugs tommy to his feet, guides him over to the sofa with a hand at his wrist. "i happen to know for a fact that 21 jump street is on freevee, so we're watching it."
"why do you know that?"
(spoiler: it's because buck fucking loves those movies)
so anyways, he gets tommy settled on the sofa. oftentimes buck is the little spoon because tommy loves holding him, but tonight, he spreads out on the sofa and pulls tommy so that he's half on top of him, half tucked against the backrest. and he combs his fingers through his hair after reassuring him for a thousand times that yes, he's fine, no, tommy is not crushing him unpleasantly.
"comfortable?"
"mm."
tommy burrows in close. he's asleep before jenko and schmidt even bust the guys in the park, snoring softly, and eventually buck falls alseep too. he wakes up to pee around eight, and carefully extracts himself from underneath his boyfriend and does his business. when he comes back, tommy is still sleeping and buck loves him so. fucking. much. in that moment it makes him feel like he can't breathe. like he actually feels robbed of breath. his phone is on the coffee table so he snaps that photo on impulse and doesn't even think about it until weeks later when he's clearing his phone memory and finds it. so he sets it as his wallpaper because looking at it gives him that same rush of ilovehimilovehimilovehim and tommy teases him when he sees it but. there's so much overwhelmed fondness to his voice and to his gaze when he does. and just.
yeah. yeah. anyways. that's what i think happened.
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enchantressiren · 2 days
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❝𝐏𝐀𝐂: 𝐌𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐌𝐲 𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐚 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡, 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠.❞
What is sexually appealing about you? + channeled song(s)
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Subliminal channel | Masterlist
Tips | Paid Readings
Not a tarot card reading, only based on my intuition. Question credit: @earthling-cravings, thank you
Normal intuitive readings: @sefinaa
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Pile I
I hear your tongue is sexually appealing, so my intuition tells me that you have a tongue piercing or that it’s split. For those who split their tongue, you did it unintentionally while drunk and regret it, but people think it is hot. You are attracting a lot of people because of that, especially if you are into women. My intuition tells me that it is a great way to please someone with a pussy because it is similar to having two tongues. For those of you who have a piercing on your tongue, people like the feeling or texture when you give oral. People will find it very sexy if you do not do one-night stands because you are defying society's norms and doing something completely different. Right now, I am horny and have heat around my thighs, and when you are near others, you do the same to them. You make others instantly turn their heads at you because you ooze a rebellious, confident nature; it’s very visible even if you cannot see it. Some of you lack confidence and do not understand what I mean, but that’s because you don’t see your own worth. Intuition tells me that you let others decide for yourself whether or not you should be comfortable in your skin. Do not do that, and stop doing so. I am telling you that you are worth the attention and love given in this reading. 
I hear, "I have never had a thing for piercings or split tongues, but whenever I see you coming or walking past me, I get instantly horny and can not control it, so I will go to the restroom or somewhere private and masturbate because of you. What are you doing to me?” The overall energy I feel from other people is that you are an aphrodisiac brownie. Aphrodisiac brownies are a drug that causes someone to increase their lust, pleasure, and skills during sex. You make those around you so horny and sensitive that they cannot control themselves, but do not mistake me for those who have assaulted you. That is not what I meant (please stay safe since I have channeled it has happened before). You make others addicted to that confidence, or, in some cases, since some of you are shy, ''the fake it till you make it’’ confidence. Aphrodisiacs was named after Aphrodite, the goddess of love. You have the same energy as the Greek goddess.
My intuition tells me that people go crazy for you because you go against society. You show intelligence with what you say. You guys are book and street smart at the same time, which makes others want to seek your knowledge and advice. When people do seek your knowledge, you use your gut feelings or the small details they hide—that you have noticed—and see who is worthy of it. As if you are the magical wizard who lends others knowledge they seek. You used to struggle to help everyone with your advice, but you learned how to balance your desire to help others with respect for yourself. You have made a boundary with yourself to never become a doormat again. You are also able to get anything you want. I see a scene appearing in my head where you get arrested by a cop and they push you on their car door. They tell you that you have to remain silently, but you simply mention something to them with a cheeky tone, and they have no choice but to let you go. You can get anything you want by doing nothing; think of it like Simon says, and people will follow through. Even if you were shoplifting, for example, they would have let you go with a simple apology.
Channeled song
Why do you always call me when you’re high? - Arctic Monkeys
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Pile II
Your energy is so sexually appealing that I am blushing and breaking into giggles, wow.
Anyway, everything makes you sexually appealing. Your fashion is amazing—your hair, your nails, your aesthetic, your voice, your charisma, your honesty, etc. Do you know the word perfection, and how have other people said there is no such thing? You are the such thing. I am not sure what it is, but while listening to your channeled song, Unholy by Sam Smith and Kim Petras, I kept blushing, feeling giggly, laughing, and looking away from my wall as if it were someone else, which in this case would be you. I don’t know what you guys do, and I feel like I cannot channel your reading that well because I am blushing, which is funny because others feel the same way. They cannot form words around you because you ooze sex appeal. They are always flustered around you; you could slip and fall, and instead of a negative reaction, even if it’s toxic people around you, they would want to help you and then ask for your number. Like holy shit, your energy is crazy, crazy good. 
You earn a lot of compliments because you are known as perfection, or the beauty queen, or the beauty king; this is like the most amazing person in the world, etc., but no one seems to compliment you on your personality, so allow me to be the one. You are aware of how it is with your appearances, but your personality is very sexually appealing because instead of allowing your wrongdoing and your pride to take over, you take accountability and apologize when you are in the wrong. Instead of saying to somebody that you know so much about a specific topic, a field, or a job that you work in, you admit to somebody that you do not know, even if they tell you that you’re lying about this or that you’re not intelligent. Instead of allowing it to hurt you, you just let it go, and you know your worth, and that is what makes you even more attractive. I do not know what it is with you, but my intuition says you were made from the gods, like the shape or sculpture, into one of those Greek gods/goddess statues or beautiful mythology statues. I hear that you are both beautiful inside and out. You are, but your personality is overlooked because, if you are so attractive, how can you have a beautiful personality? Society is very picky with what it wants, and sometimes you get the short end of the stick because no one really appreciates your intelligence. You know how someone can be smart and beautiful at the same time while having an amazing personality? But it doesn’t make sense for society’s term because you must have only one, and if you don't, then you’re weird. This pile is an anomaly for society or for people. When you do readings for yourself or you read the piles, they don’t explain what you’re looking for or what you need to look for, so instead focus on not seeking other people's validation when it comes to your personality traits. You know your worth. Make sure to trust that feeling around others. When the time comes, you will find the magic you wanted for a while.
Coming back, what makes you sexually appealing? Your aura. Your aura is the color of a purple moon that glistens on a riverside. I see people watching the beautiful moment as it calms even the most heartbroken ones, so my intuition tells me that what pulls people in like a moth towards you is your aura, or in this metaphor, you. You take care of yourself, you help others, you don’t seek revenge, you show forgiveness, you are intelligent, and you have healthy morals. You are beautiful both inside and out, or you watch what you eat. Either way, you’re very aligned with your intuition, as you will not admit it, but despite all of that, your aura is being taken care of by all of these activities. And because it is being taken care of the way that it’s supposed to be, you’re able to amplify those beautiful moments that you do with yourself as you push outwards and ooze this sexy energy. I am getting an image of a siren dancing sexually to attract their prey and then leaning in for a kiss and stepping back. A poisonous gas appears in the shape of a skull. The kiss you give to your prey is the genuine love you show others. The poisonous gas is making others addicted to you; they keep coming back for more. Poison takes time to kill someone, and in this example, you are people’s poison, and it slowly affects them into their grave of ecstasy. You are their sexual experience without doing anything but breathing.
Channeled songs
Unholy - Sam Smith and Kim Petras
MORE - K/DA
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Pile III
You guys are great singers. Your vocal cord's range is similar to that of a siren. You draw people in, and they cannot fight it. Think of your favorite singers and those who you admire, and the way you kind of copy their vocal range because you have a desire to have the same music as them. And then imagine being on stage with over 1,000 people watching you in your ideal outfit—something that has been on your mind for years—and you get up and sing just like that person. And as you sing in a way, you control people like you are the puppeteer, and they are your puppets. My intuition tells me what makes you so appealing are your singing abilities. Even for those of you who are shy and do not sing in front of others, people have heard you, and they do not think badly of you. They see you as an amazing singer, with great vocal cords that can beat most singers nowadays, and sometimes they always imagine you singing in front of them in a way that you guys are the most calming person for them. You guys are their ASMR. Instead of meditating or doing a hobby, they would rather just listen to you in general. Another thing that makes you so appealing is the way that you can instantly show confidence, even if you are shy. My intuition tells me that about 95% of you guys are shy people, but when it comes to singing, you instantly become the most confident person in the entire universe. You guys just know this is something that you’re actually passionate about, and sometimes you wonder if you guys are gonna become big, but the thing is, you can only become big if you truly want it.. My intuition tells me, “you must be your own light. You must have your own goals and your own desires. If you do not seek those goals, then how can you become big? How can you gain a positive community if you do not show it to yourselves? The only way you can become big in the music industry is if you open up your heart and allow your happiness to come within.” So my intuition means that you guys sabotage your own happiness and fear of love that comes your way, but in order to achieve your goals and desires, you must open that part of your life and let go. And you must learn to accept that when you guys become big, you do not have to change who you are and follow the trends. Instead, stay true to yourself and appreciate your own beauty, especially your music style. When you do that, that is how you explode into positive fame. I say positive fame because if you were to go down the path you are on as of now, you will have a rocky start, and it’ll be harder to find what you’re looking for. So you must focus on self love, okay? Okay.
The song I channeled for you is Imma Be by the Black Eyed Peas. As the song starts, it keeps repeating “imma be,” my intuition tells me this is you telling your negative thoughts that you’re gonna become this star you desire, and you keep trying to push these thoughts away. Instead, fight them and tell them to fuck off because you deserve better. Try to bring that same confidence you show when singing into your life. Then the song mentions “imma be on the next level.” Intuition tells me that once you are able to achieve these two, you will be on the next level, aka going to your goals and having them with you. You truly are going to become big, but you must work on yourself first. You cannot manifest well if you do not love yourself and focus on healing. It becomes harder since listening to doubts becomes easier for the brain, so focus on healing. I know this is supposed to be a sexy reading, but it’s advice, I won’t apologize since this is what you guys need to hear. Anyways, the song says “imma be the future” and that’s how you guys will be. The future person that changes the music industry with you desires “doin’ whatever you like.” So.. keep going forward with your goals and keep healing, and then eventually you guys can make people become fucking aroused by your singing voice because that’s what intuition is telling me. Also, when you guys do become popular, I hear that you guys will be known for having one of the hottest singing voices.
Channeled songs
Imma be - Black Eyed Peas
Closer - Ne-yo
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The Uptown Girl and The Brooklyn Boy
Pairing: Greaser!Bucky Barnes x Uptown Girl!Reader Summary: Everyone knows that all any Uptown Girl needs is a Greaser from Brooklyn to make her forget all about her uptown world.
A.N. - Here's a long awaited request from one of my dearest readers @oneofstarkskids, it definitely strayed a little from that initial request but i hope you enjoy! "just reread this and it's still so amazing 😭 do you take requests? if so, would you be inclined to writing a grease themed bucky au one shot?"
Bucky Barnes Masterlist | AnonymityIsFun Masterlist
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Picture this... he's from the wrong side of the tracks. He's everything every mother in your neighborhood warned you about. His hands perpetually stuffed in his pockets, a cigarette hanging from his lips, scuffed leather jacket snug around his broad shoulders.
You're none of those things, the complete opposite. Pearls strung around your neck. Perfectly done up, lips painted the perfect rouge. You're as educated as a woman could be in your day and age. You're an Uptown girl. Capital O - Old Money.
Your friends are enamored with Bucky Barnes and his friends - though you all know they'll never do anything about. Not as long as their parents had anything to say about it. And none of them are prepared to give up their high class life. It's just fun for them. A way to sow some wild oats before their parents introduce them to their future husbands.
Every chance they get, they pester you to take the long way home. To walk by that mechanic shop where Bucky and his friends hang out.
They never approach those Brooklyn boys. No, they never offer more than a coy smile and a languid, flirty twinkle of their manicured fingers. They just relish in the attention they get from walking past them.
You hate it. You hate their arrogance. You hate the smell of nicotine that hangs around him. You hate everything about them, down to those oddly charming Brooklyn accents.
"Hey," a blonde boy calls as you and your best friend walk past their mechanic shop one day. "Hey!"
"I told you this was a bad idea," you hiss at your friend, locking your arm with hers. "Now, look."
"I think they want to talk to us," she squeals under her breath.
He picks up his stride, doing a half jog until he reaches where your friend holds you hostage on the pavement. "We see you ladies passin' through every once in a while. Thought we could be friends or somethin'."
Your friend is immediately entranced with the blonde boy. Her face flushes as she beams at him, "We would love that!"
"We have enough friends," you simultaneously reply.
"She's kidding," your friend nervously chuckles, elbowing you in your ribs.
The blonde boy laughs, rubbing the back of his neck, "Well, I'm Steve. My friend there is Bucky."
As if on cue, Bucky saunters up beside Steve with an equally arrogant grin. He tips his head at each of you. "Hello, ladies."
Your friend nods at the two of them, an ear to ear grin taking up her entire face. "It's nice to meet you, Steve, Bucky."
The brunette's eyes flash over to you, speaking through that infuriating smirk, "Pleasure's ours."
"Would you ladies like to join us for a Coke?" Steve offers.
"We'd love to!" she immediately replies.
You shoot your friend an intense, incredulous glare. "I'm sorry, could you excuse us for a second?"
"Sure thing." Steve nods, ambling away from you and your friend to give you a moment of privacy.
Bucky doesn't move an inch. He stands before you with that same arrogant smirk, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "Oh, I'm good right here."
"Fine," you scoff, speaking as bluntly as you can. Despite your polite upbringing, you you find don't care about offending him in the slightest. "We are not staying here!"
"Come on," she pleads. "What's the harm?"
"Where's the good in staying?" you shoot back.
"They're just so handsome," she fawns, looking over her shoulder to give a coy wave to the blonde boy. "And there's one for the both of us, it's fate!"
"It's not fate. They're nothing but trouble."
Bucky snorts, rolling his eyes, "You remember that I'm still right here, right?"
You shoot a glare at Bucky. "I know."
He playfully clutches his chest. "You're hurtin' my feelings, Doll."
You can feel the anger raising your blood's temperature. You don't like how quickly he's gotten underneath your skin. "I'm not your Doll."
"Princess?" he suggests with an infuriating wag of his eyebrows.
There's an embarrassingly large part of you that wants to stamp your foot at him and yell at him to stop teasing you. You keep it together just enough to contain that visceral reaction you're having to Bucky Barnes. Mostly. "I'm not your anything!"
He crosses his arms over his chest. "What did I ever do to you, Princess?"
Your eyes narrow in accusation. "I know your type."
"Charming? Irresistibly handsome?"
"Horrendously arrogant," you seethe at him. You turn back to your friend, only to find her missing, "Now, can we please go-"
"Your friend ran off the second you were focused on me."
Your eyes flicker to behind Bucky to your friend, who sure enough is enthralled in a conversation with Steve. "I was not focused on you!"
"Then why didn't you notice your friend runnin' away from you?"
"You're incorrigible."
The corner of Bucky's lips twitch up. "Didn't they teach you in that finishing school that it's not polite to insult people who are tryin' to be your friend?"
"And how would you know that I went to finishing school?"
He quirks an eyebrow at you like the answer is obvious. His eyes rake over you. From the way you hold yourself. To the dresses that oozed quiet luxury. You and Bucky were as different as night and day. "I know an uptown girl when I see one."
"And I know trouble when I see it," you shoot back. "And you Brooklyn boys are nothing but trouble."
It only gets worse from there. After that first interaction, your friend in fully infatuated with Steve Rogers. There is no tearing her away from him.
And that means, as your friend's dutiful alibi, you were dragged down to Brooklyn far more than you ever wanted.
And worst of all, it meant you spent most of your free time in the presence of Bucky Barnes.
"Please, just be nice," your friend begs as you trudge up to their garage. "I'd settle for polite even."
You scoff at her, rolling your eyes, "I'm always polite - just like I'm always nice."
"Not to Bucky, you're not."
"I don't know what you're talking about," you grumble, walking into the garage. Your friend takes off, immediately falling into the arms of Steve Rogers. Leaving you with Bucky Barnes to sit with him on the the couch that's become your most constant companion on days like today. As you walk past Bucky, you snipe, "James."
Bucky quirks a brow, smirking at you, "Oh, so now I'm James?"
"That's your name, isn't it?"
He walks away from the bike he spends most of his time working on, snatching a rag from his tool bench and wiping his hands of motor grease. Your eyes involuntarily wander to his hands, the care he puts into wiping each and every one of his fingers.
You stare for a second too long for Bucky not to notice you staring at his hands. "Remind me to thank Steve for tellin' ya that."
You roll your eyes, finally snapping out of it. "It's far better than the alternative."
He flicks the rag over, resting it on his shoulder. "So you like my name?"
You softly snort as you settle onto the couch. "I didn't say that. I said it was better than the alternative."
That smirk only gets even bigger. "What else do ya like about me?"
You roll your eyes. "Not a thing."
He settles into the couch beside you. Far too close for your liking. You can almost feel the rough denim of his jeans through your skirt. "I just love these conversations of ours."
"I don't."
His entire torso turns towards you, mischief and amusement gleaming in those blue eyes, "I mean, why would I want warmth and affection when I could have blind hatred?"
"It's not blind hatred." In spite of easily Bucky gets under your skin, you can't deny just how unfairly handsome he is. Even now, you find yourself lost in the depths of his ocean blue eyes. "It's perfectly reasonable contempt."
He gently runs a finger down your cheek. "I love when you talk smart to me."
You swat his hand away from your face. "Don't patronize me."
"I'm not!" Bucky insists. "I really love it! I know it's just your way of flirting with me!"
You scoff, making no attempt to hide your offense, "I am not flirting with you!"
He tilts his head at you, that arrogant smirk once again tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Come on, just admit it, Doll. You're a little sweet on me."
"I am not your Doll!" You fly up out of your seat with an indignant huff. "And I most certainly am not sweet on you!"
"Don't think I haven't noticed the way you stare at me when I walk around here without a shirt. Or the way you were staring at my hands just now. What exactly were you picturin' my hands doin'?"
"I was not picturing anything." Your cheeks flame as you continue to bicker back and forth with him. Sure, he was possibly the most gorgeous man you'd ever laid eyes on. And yes, he could be incredibly charming. And sometimes, you found yourself staring at him in an not so innocent way. But you hated him. He infuriated you to no end. "And I was not staring!"
The grin is practically splitting his face. "And you've definitely thought about kissin' me."
"I would rather walk from here to Jersey than kiss you."
He slides up off the couch, taking a long step towards you. "You've got a hell of a temper, you know that?"
You refuse to back down. You press an accusing finger into his chest. You can't help but notice just how firm the muscles underneath that white t-shirt are. "I just think you're real good at pushing my buttons."
"Real good?" Bucky teases. "I think Brooklyn is startin' to rub off on you."
"You know what I think?" Your chest starts to heave with the anger and frustration you feel towards Bucky Barnes. "I think that you're the last person I would ever let rub off on me. I think that you're an arrogant smart ass that likes to spend his day running his mouth."
"And I think you're a repressed priss that couldn't take what she wanted 'less it's handed to her on a silver platter."
"You wouldn't know a damn thing about what I want."
"You wanna know what I think..." He leans closer, lowering himself to your eye level. "I think that you're pissed off because you know deep down those punk ass rich boys will never make ya happy, I think you're pissed off 'cause you're bored, and I think you're pissed off 'cause you want me - even if you'll never admit it."
You don't have a response to that. There's not a single word that comes to mind. You don't think you've ever been this mad before.
And because you can't think of a single word to assuage your heaving chest and boiling blood, you do something that a polite, good girl like you would never even dreaming of doing. Before you can think, you find your hand opening and winding back.
Before you can even make contact with his cheek, he catches your hand, gripping your wrist between his warm, calloused hand. He hauls you forward until you stumble into his chest.
For a moment, you can almost hear a pin drop. The tension is so thick the only air in the room Bucky's breath dancing across your lips. "I think I'm gonna kiss you."
A soft breath stutters from your lips. "And I think I'm gonna let you."
You weren't sure what it was, but after that first kiss, you couldn't get enough of your Brooklyn boy. Even after your friend and Steve had mostly fizzled out, you couldn't get enough of him.
You waited for the moment that they all talked about, the moment when you had your fill of the boy from the wrong side of tracks, when your wild oats were sufficiently sowed, but it never came.
Every time you laid eyes on him, the seal on your fate only solidified more and more. The more you saw him, the more you wanted him. And the more sure you were that you would never be able to let him go.
You weren't a stranger to the boredom and monotony of your upper echelon life, but this was different. This wasn't boredom, he wasn't a distraction. From the moment you met Bucky, you lost all interest in the upper echelon of it all.
Suddenly, you don't care what your friends think, what your parents would think. Suddenly, you were throughly repulsed by the thought of marrying one of those repressed, trust fund babies that littered your street.
And even your friends, the same ones that lived off their fleeting attention, didn't understand.
Your friend rolls her eyes again, a sigh of irritation leaving her lips as you ready to go meet Bucky, "Are you really going back up there?"
"You're the reason I met him in the first place!"
"I know. I know," she groans, clearly disappointed that you hadn't lost interest in Bucky like she had with Steve. "And I'm happy for you! I am! I just I want to make sure..."
Her tone finally gets your full attention. You put your bag down on the table, your eyebrow pulled together, "Make sure what?"
"You're just sowing wild oats, right?"
Your entire face puckers with distaste, "What?"
"That sounded bad," she backtracks, a guilty look painting her face. She takes a deep breath, resting a condescending hand on your shoulder. "You just - you know your future isn't with Bucky, right?"
You shake her hand off your shoulder. "What does that mean?"
"He's from a different world than we are. You know that."
"I can't believe what I'm hearing," you scoff. "I thought you, of all people, would understand."
"Come on, he's not exactly the sort of guy you can bring home to your parents."
You snort, turning away from her, "I have to go."
"You know I'm right!" she calls after you.
You didn't know that. In fact, the more time you spent with him, the more you saw why he was exactly the right person to bring home to your parents. He was everything you could ever bring yourself to hope for and more. Sure, he was different than you and your family, but he was a good man. He was perfect for you.
Surely, your parents could see that. Surely, they could see how good he was for you.
So that's exactly what you were going to do.
Bucky sighs against your lips, "I missed ya."
You don't know when that happened, but you've come to find a comfort in the scent of the faded leather of his jacket, in the feeling of his calloused fingertips trailing dangerously high on your upper thigh.
In the backseat of his beloved car, you curl closer into his side, resting your head on his chest, "Me too."
He kisses the top of your head, watching as you stare off into the distance, "What's goin' on in that pretty head of yours?"
You pull back slightly, lifting your head off his chest. With a furrowed brow, you ask him, "How serious are you about me?"
"Dead serious," he replies in an instant.
You lightly swat his chest. "Quit playing."
"'M not playin'," he swears. He does an 'x' over his heart, "Cross my heart."
His answer gives you all the reassurance you need. All there was to do was ask him. Still, there was a hesitancy. You worry that this will just make him realize that you two might just be insurmountably, irreconcilably different. You decide that the best way to ask is just ask. "Then what would you say about meeting my parents?"
"I'd love to," Bucky coolly answers.
You can't help the way your face lights up with hope. "Really?"
"Of course. Anything for my girl."
You really like the way that sounds. His girl. You could get used to being his girl.
The look on your face is worth it all to Bucky. He only hopes you don't see the anxiety in his expression.
He wasn't oblivious to how different your worlds were. He knew there was a good chance that this wouldn't last forever. It didn't really matter what he wanted or how much he was willing to fight for you, he knew the reality of it all.
He couldn't offer you half of what someone in your neighborhood could. Your worlds couldn't be more different.
And he's never been more aware of it than on the eve of meeting your parents.
Steve smirks at Bucky as he fiddles with his tie again. "You're really seein' this through, aren't you?"
Bucky smacks Steve upside his head. "Don't be a jerk."
"I'm just sayin'," Steve shrugs, settled into the couch of Bucky's family home. "I'm happy for ya, Buck. You really like this girl."
"I wouldn't be dressed like this for anyone else. Are you sure this is right?" Bucky tugs at his tie again. Maybe it was that the suit hadn't seen the light of day in a few years and was a little more snug than he remembered. Or maybe it was just that he'd only dressed like this for funerals and weddings, but everything about his getup today made him feel like a fraud. He was sure if your parents saw him like this, they'd see right through him. "I feel like I'm goin' to a school dance."
"Where does she live again?"
Bucky tries his best to hide his wince. He'd never been to your side of town, but he'd heard stories. Sure, most of them were made up, but there had to be some truth buried in the tall tales. "Upper West Side."
Steve pats his shoulder. "Stick with the tie, Buck."
He listens to Steve's advice and sticks with the tie. As he walks through your neighborhood, seeing houses bigger than entire apartment buildings on his block that line your street, he's pretty confident in trusting Steve up until the moment he sees you.
Your smile stutters as you see him waiting outside the gate of your home. It was just his luck that your house was one of the biggest on the block. Your eyes trail up and down Bucky's uncharacteristic attire. "What are you wearing?"
His heart sinks. He looks down, patting his blazer and tie. "Am I - Am I not this thing right? I knew it - I told Steve -"
"No, no," you quickly interject. "You look great! I've just never seen you... like this."
"What's wrong with this?" Bucky hedges.
Your soft smile up at him is the only thing soothing his knotted stomach. "Nothing, I - I just wanted them to meet you, to meet the Bucky that I know and - and I want them to know you. Not whoever this is."
"I - I didn't think they would like that Bucky very much," Bucky confesses.
It doesn't escape you that he's nervous, especially as he fiddles with this tie over and over again. You're well aware of how intimidating this all is. Even as someone who grew up in this social circle, in the thick of the upper echelon, you still found yourself scared of doing and saying the wrong thing.
You knew he was only trying to fit in as best as he could. Still, you missed the smell of his leather jacket, the waft of motor oil that often clung to his skin. "Well, I like you the way you are. Greaser and all."
"Thanks." It's comforting to him. Still, as his eyes rove over your house, he can't help but be glad he listened to both Steve and his mother. He holds out the bouquet of flowers in his hand. "My Ma told me to bring these for your Ma."
An endeared smile tugs at the corner of your mouth. He was really trying to win over your parents. He really was serious about this - about you. "My mother will love this."
"Your mother," Bucky corrects himself, doing his best to tame his Brooklyn twang.
"Just be yourself," you assure him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze as you make your way up the long driveway. "No one else, just you."
"Any other tips?"
"If you run out of things to talk about ask my father about his cars. He collects them."
It takes everything in Bucky not to gape like a fish out of water. "He collects... cars?"
You ignore his question, continuing to fill Bucky in on your parents, "And my mother, well, she's a terrible gossip. If you can get her talking about her friends, you've won her over."
"Okay. Anything else?"
"Just relax. They'll love you."
As he walks into your home, greeted by a man wearing a nicer suit than he is who offered to take his coat from him, Bucky's not quite sure he believes you.
Your heels click against the sleek marble flooring as you guide him through your home. He holds on tight to your hand, half afraid that you'll let go and he'll get lost in the labyrinth of pristine beige hallways.
Your father is the first to greet Bucky in your living room. He extends a hand out to Bucky. "You must be the boy we've heard so much about."
"It's nice to meet you both," Bucky returns the firm handshake before turning to your mother with the warmest smile he can muster through his anxiety. "You have a lovely home, ma'am. I brought these for you."
She takes the bouquet from Bucky's hand. "Oh, that's very kind of you..."
"Oh, it's Bucky," he supplies.
"Bucky?" your mother dubiously repeats. "How unique..."
"It's James, actually," Bucky corrects himself, already feeling himself getting flustered. "James Buchanan Barnes. 's where Bucky comes from."
Your mother nods, offering a tight smile, "How lovely."
As your mother hands off the flowers to one of the wait staff, he can't help but already feel like he's already made that dreaded bad first impression.
As though you can see the despair forming in the pit of his stomach and dampening the glimmer in his blue eyes, you give his hand a squeeze along with a smile.
"Dinner is ready," your mother announces. "Why don't we make our way to the dining room?"
"That sounds wonderful," you beam, leading Bucky into the next room. You stutter to a stop just before the dining table. You look at the table as you take your seat, your eyebrows furrowed at something that Bucky hasn't quite caught on to. "Mother? I thought we agreed on a more simple menu tonight."
As you speak you reach under the table, giving Bucky's hand an apologetic squeeze. Just from your inflection, Bucky can tell what awaits him will not be pleasant.
"Nonsense." She dismissively waves you off. "We have a guest."
"We talked about this," you admonish. "You promised."
"Bucky?" your mother calls. "Do you mind having a more formal dinner? I know it might be a tad unusual for you."
"Mother," you sharply warn.
"Um, no, ma'am," Bucky awkwardly lilts. "That sounds lovely."
A self satisfied smirk settles on your mother's face. "See? It's fine."
"Why are there so many forks?" Bucky whispers under his breath.
"Just work your way in," you reply as quietly as you can.
"Do you change forks every bite or somethin'?" It's half an attempt at a joke, half an honest question.
"In between courses."
"Courses?"
Before you can answer Bucky's question, your mother is already beginning her interrogation. "So, James, tell us about yourself."
"There's not much to tell," Bucky replies. "I was born and raised down in Brooklyn."
Your father snorts, "Really?"
You're not quite sure if Bucky catches the sarcastic lilt to your father's question or if he really does just try to rise above it. It's hard to tell with how he rolls with the punches. "Yes, sir."
"Any siblings?" your mother asks.
"I'm the oldest of four, ma'am."
"Any plans for your life?" your father finally pipes in.
"Dad," you hiss.
Your father shrugs, "It's an honest question."
Once again, it rolls off of Bucky's back. "Well, I'm workin' at a garage right now. Me and my friend, Steve, we're hopin' to buy it out. We've just about saved enough between the two of us to buy it from the ol' man when he's ready to retire."
"A man with a plan. I like that."
"Thank you, sir." You're sure that you hear Bucky's sigh of relief as he finds his footing. You can practically see his signature smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Your daughter tells me that you have an impressive collection yourself."
You weren't entirely sure how he pulled it off, but by the end of the night, Bucky is talking to your parents like they're old friends.
You're not even sure why you're that surprised, you hated him up until the moment you succumbed to his charm.
As the evening comes to a close, he stands in the doorway, shaking your father's hand again, offering your mother that charming grin once more, "Thank you for dinner. Everything was delicious."
"You're welcome back anytime, James."
"Thank you." You're almost shocked at your mother's open invitation. He presses a chaste kiss to your cheek. "I'll see ya later."
The three of you stand in the foyer of your house as Bucky walks down the steps and down the driveway with his hands shoved in his pockets. You look up to your father, face filled with hope. "So?"
"He's a nice boy."
You're not sure your grin can get any bigger. "I really like him."
"You'll grow out of it."
Your heart sinks the moment the words leave your father's mouth. "What?"
"It can't come soon enough," your mother groans. "You're far too good for him."
"You don't know him."
"We know his type, dear," your mother condescendingly sighs. "And good girls like you don't belong with boys like that, but I do think it was sweet of you to invite your little infatuation to dinner."
You feel like all the air has been knocked out of you. For a moment tonight, you really thought they were coming around. You truly thought it would all work out for the best. "Infatuation?"
"That's what this is, right?" your father asks, concern painting his expression when he sees the furiously determined look in your face. "You're just... rebelling?"
You look up at your father, shaking your head. "No, no, I'm not just rebelling."
You fought with them the whole night before you went to find him the very next day. They threatened you with everything they could think of. When that didn't work, they bribed you with everything they could think of. You didn't care for any of it.
The moment you see him, you know he knows. You're not sure if he realized it the moment he walked out of your door or if it took him a quick recollection of the night to realize it, but he knows all the same. It looks like he hasn't slept a wink. A deep frown replaces his usual grin. He looks entirely and totally distraught.
He notices you the moment you walk up to his garage just like you did all those times before.
This time, it's obvious is different. There aren't barbed words or verbal jabs. You don't bound into his arms. Even Steve offers you a sad twitch of his lips.
Bucky watches you for a long moment before you break the silence. He reaches into his pocket, lighting a cigarette in between his fingers. "Hi."
"They hated me, right?" He doesn't waste words. Your lips press together in a tight line. He takes a large drag from his cigarette. You can't remember the last time you saw him smoking. He shakes his head, hissing under his breath, "Damn it..."
"Bucky?"
He takes another large pull from his cigarette. Even from feet away, you can smell the nicotine in the air. "Just do it. I understand."
"What?"
"That's why you're here, right? Just get it over with."
Your eyebrows furrow. "I don't understand."
"I'm not an idiot, alright?" he spits. "I know I didn't pass their little test, so just call it already."
"Is that really what you thought last night was?"
"What else would you call last night? 'Cause I think I was the butt of the joke from beginnin' to end."
"You were not the butt of the joke, Bucky."
"Oh, please, I fell face first into their punchline."
You suck in a shaky breath, both your own hurt and the cloud of smoke around Bucky burning at your throat, "Is that what you think of me? That I was tryin' to set you up?"
"Yes! No- No! I just - I - Don't you see it?"
"See what?" you demand.
"That I'm not good enough for you!" he desperately exclaims, tossing his cigarette on the pavement. "And everyone else already knows it! Last night proved that!"
"My parents are assholes, Bucky. I came here to apologize for them, to tell you that I don't care what they think."
His voice quiets, the anger melts off his words until all that's left is a heartbreaking sincerity, "You should. You deserve so much more than what I can give you."
"They don't know you, but I do." You reach for his hand, lacing your fingers with his. "And I think you've got everything I want. I'm yours, Bucky. All yours."
"Do you mean that?"
"Every word."
"What did I do to deserve you? My perfect girl." He kisses the back of the hand he hods, using it to tug you closer to him. He quirks a brow at you when you pull away from him. "What?"
You wrinkle your nose at him. "I hate the smell of smoke."
"I'll quit," he immediately replies.
"You'll quit smoking? Just like that?"
"That surprise you?"
"It's just - Maybe you Brooklyn boys aren't as tough as you think you are," you tease.
He smirks. "Maybe we're not. Maybe I'm not - but I think it's because I'm in love with an Uptown girl."
Bucky Barnes Masterlist AnonymityIsFun Masterlist
As always, let me know what you think! Reblogs and comments are always appreciated! 💛
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notnights · 14 hours
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PV’s tips for some Gangle writing:
We don't know all the depth Gangle has just yet, but there are a few things I notice as patterns. What they mean and why she does them are of course up to interpretation, said interpretations are what we can use to give some fun insight into what and how we write about her.
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Gangle actually talks back to Jax.
"You didn’t do anything." "I feel like that violates some kind of convention." Shaking her head no at him in the dinner scene.
Prompt examples: How far is she willing to talk back? Is this her own small form of rebellion against her situation?
She questions things, she’s often asking what’s going on.
“What about Zooble?" "How’s Kaufmo doing?" "WHATS HAPPENING?!" (anyone would probably ask this one in that situation) "Why are there two bad guy trucks?”
Prompt examples: Why is she so curious? Does she want to make sure she's kept in the loop?
Gangle actually speaks pretty clearly.
Despite speaking through tears and stuffy nose, she's pretty clear. She will get a shaky or quiet voice, but not stutter. In fact Pomni stutters more than her so far.
No prompt examples for this one, this is more in relation to how certain dialogue could be from her, tips on how to make her "sound."
Gangle appears to see situations that need involvement, but is passive about getting involved.
-Worrying about Zooble being taken by the gloinks but not doing anything about it herself until Jax finally gave her the task. -Rock, paper, scissoring Kinger for who would actually help Zooble (she gets lucky Kinger does it anyways). -If Jax hadn't made her drive in episode 2, its hard to say she would have had much of a role in the adventure itself. -She just sits there as they interact with the Fudge -She keeps lookout as they travel, it's possible either Jax or Ragatha (they're the two that take leader initiatives so far) gave her this task seeing as previous evidence shows she's less likely to take initiative in a task herself. (We only have two episodes so this is subject to have more evidence against it in the future.)
Prompt examples: Why does she lack motivation? Does she have any motivation? Why does she not want to get involved? She is indeed submissive and agreeable.
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Those are the things that standout most to me, and usually what I question when making funnies involving her. Give all the love to this gangly woman.
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yuwuta · 1 day
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WHEREVER YOU WANNA GO, THAT’S FINE WITH ME — MEGUMI FUSHIGURO 
cw mentioned/talks about death but not like… in a serious way 😭 this whole thing is very unserious and stupid it’s just a thought i couldn’t get out of my head, megumi being… megumi, f2l but what’s new, also inspired by some clip from a tv show i’ve seen on tt but idk the name of it, if you do pls let me know
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you ask megumi you make one of those marriage pacts with you—that if neither of you are married by thirty-five, you two will get married to each other—and he just hums for a moment before asking, “do you think i’ll be better suited for marriage at thirty-five?”
“what? n—i don’t know? maybe? it just seems like an appropriate age to get married if you’re not already, that’s all,” you explain.
more humming. he blinks, “i don’t think i’ll be all that different at thirty-five.”
“well, that’s concerning,” you joke, “you’re supposed to change—grow a little bit as a person and all that, megumi. even you are capable of it.”
“i won’t want anything different out of a marriage at thirty-five than i would right now,” he corrects you, then turns to you, and with all seriousness demands, “so, state your stipulations. what do you want from me, let’s figure out of this is gonna work now.” 
you scoff, and cross your arms. “what do i want from you? that’s not how a marriage works.” 
“that’s how this friendship already works.” 
you say, megumi does; he pushes it than he should have, you say to stop, and eventually he does, and the cycle continues. he’s always stubborn, and sacrificing himself beyond necessity, and you’re always pulling his ear for it. 
“okay. fine,” you settle, straightening your posture, “i want a house. three bedrooms, so nobara and yuuji don’t have to bicker about sharing when they stay over.” 
megumi considers it, then counters with, “four. gojo needs a bedroom, too. one floor, i don’t like stairs.” 
“where the fuck are we going to find a one-level four-bedroom house? i don’t want to live in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere.” 
“we’ll find one,” he shrugs, doesn’t flinch when he promises: “or i’ll have one made for us. next: vacations.” 
“twice per year. somewhere tropical, and somewhere metropolitan.” 
“i don’t like the beach.” 
“then you don’t have to go on the beach.” 
“you’re responsible for me if i burn.” 
“i’m responsible for you either way, i’m your wife,” you taunt, “pets, next. i want dogs. two. maybe three. and a bunny.” 
“no bunnies, they’re too much work.”
“but i want a bunny, megumi.” 
“you won’t have time for a bunny,” he rolls his eyes, “and you’re gonna get pissed when it chews up the expensive couch you’re gonna make me buy, and takes a shit in the expensive fruit bowl you’re gonna con gojo out of. no bunnies.” 
you pout and frown, but megumi doesn’t budge: “no bunnies.” 
you sigh, “no bunnies, but i want the dogs.” 
“i didn’t say no to the dogs. unless you want a golden, then i’m not raising that.” 
“why not? we already have yuuji.” 
“exactly, we already have yuuji.” 
“fine. i want a king sized bed. the really big, oversized ones you get in america.” 
“done. children?” 
“you want children?”
megumi shrugs, but you swear there’s a dust of pink on his cheeks, “maybe. maybe not. if i did, no more than two.” 
and suddenly you can’t help but feel heat in your own face, hot with the image of two tiny megumis running around. 
“that’s fine with me. maybe kids, but no more than two,” you cough, “i want one of those heated driveways for the house.”
“i’ll have it built. i’ll clean and do laundry and take out the trash if you cook.”
“what about days i don’t cook?”
“then i’ll do that, too,” megumi nods, “anything else?”
“yes. if i die first, you can remarry, but you visit my grave at least twice a year, and bring peonies. and that picture of me from prom where i look really good.” 
“no.” 
you stop. you blink. “what do you mean ‘no?’ you wouldn’t visit my grave?—kinda cruel considering i birthed your up-to-two future children and raised your dogs.” 
“i won’t remarry. and i don’t want you to if i die first,” he corrects you, again, “and there’s no dying first and leaving me behind, i’m going with you.”
he doesn’t leave room for debate in his declarations: won’t, don’t; not wouldn’t, shouldn’t, couldn’t—you have to pinch yourself to stop chasing the rabbit of temptation running through your mind. 
“i don’t… think you get to decide that,” you chuckle. 
“of course i do,” megumi grins, uncrosses his legs and leans over. he reaches a hand to the back of your head and pushes it forward until your foreheads meet gently; and as if the affection wasn’t shocking enough, he continues, “where you go, i go. that’s marriage, right?” 
he widens his smile a bit, before letting you go, leaning back into his seat again with crossed arms like nothing happened, and you’re left staring, blinking, breathing shallowly like prey that narrowly escaped being caught.
you don’t speak, so megumi does, “i have one more thing.” 
and slowly, you unthaw enough to let out a questioning hum. megumi tilts his head before telling you, “i want your last name.” 
“what? you—you would change your name?” you stutter, “but fushiguro is so pretty! and it’s your mom’s name, so few people get their mother’s names.” 
“yeah. this way, our up-to-two children get their mother’s names, too.” 
“i—okay… yeah, i guess they do,” you gape, then pout, “wait, what if i wanted to be mrs. fushiguro?” 
“tough luck,” he grins, “you get everything else.” 
you get me, instead, is what’s left unsaid. 
“okay, fine. sounds like a deal to me.” 
“great. we can’t have a spring wedding because gojo and toji will sneeze obnoxiously loudly, and we can’t have a summer wedding because the anniversary will conflict with our tropical vacation, and nobara will kill us if it’s too close to her birthday,” he says, standing up from the couch to head to the kitchen, “so i’ll see you at the courthouse in september.” 
you nod reflexively, sinking back into the couch with a satisfied smile. it’s a while before your brain processes his words, and when it finally does, you spring up in a fluster, “october? megumi, i said when when we’re thirty-five and if neither of us are already married! megumi? megumi fushiguro, come back here!” 
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lowkeyremi · 14 hours
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Choso who went into battle not knowing if he'd ever see you again. You knew this as well as he did, but he didn't want you to worry so he tried to comfort your mind.
"When I get back you gotta make me one of those cakes with the strawberries in it. I'll be thinking about it the whole time." He's hugging you, your head resting on his chest, tears from your leaky eyes stain his shirt.
"Don't go." Is all you can say. For some reason your heart is telling you that this is the last time you'll ever see your husband. This isn't just an assumption either, it's a very, very strong feeling inside of you.
"Baby. You know I have to.." His cold hands rub up and down your back, the coldness reminds of you of death.
"But.. what if this is our last time together?" He freezes completely, even his breath stops for a few seconds.
"I promise you, honey, this will not be our last time together." Choso leans down to meet your lips in a kiss, this kiss held so much slow, raw emotion. His hands caressed the back of your head and you felt more tears roll down your face.
"Choso! We gotta get goin'!" Yuki says tapping her foot impatiently. You have nothing against Yuki, but at that moment so much hate builds up inside of you- she's trying to take him away from you. She's trying to bring him closer to death.
"Choso please..." It's desperate and whiny, your voice cracks upon the last syllable. He gives you one last tight squeeze before muttering a, "I'll see you later baby."
The worst part about the departure is he doesn't look back, but you don't blame him. If he had looked back at your weepy eyes, he probably would have stayed instead of fighting for Japan.
Over the months of his absence you grow bitter, hateful, and quiet. Rarely do you talk anymore so when you hear your own voice it sounds foreign. Even your closest friends can't bring you out of the house without you bursting into tears, because the same door you walk out of is the same door he left out of.
"[name] you have to get out of here, you're going to spiral sooner or later," Your best friend mutters for the nth time.
"I'M NOT LEAVING! THIS IS ALL I HAVE LEFT!" You scream out. Regret instantly washes over you. "I'm-"
"I know you're hurting, don't worry about it." They say in a calming manner.
"I just- it's been two weeks since he's called me. Two. Weeks." Your best friend joins you on your couch, the same couch you and your husband have had many movie nights on.
"I know you're worried, [name]. About him, about your future, about everything... and I'm not going to tell you to be optimistic about the whole thing because it's 50/50 but I do want you to stay strong. It's what your husband would want, right?" They're right, if Choso were here he would tell you to push through and stay strong like you always do.
"Okay- fuck- alright. I'll go put some different clothes, let's get out of here. I haven't left in a long time."
The call came a month later. It was Yaga, he didn't sugar coat it, not that you wanted him to anyway.
"I'm sorry for your loss." It hurts when you hear those words being said to you over the phone. Your ears get a fuzzy feeling your vision blurs, and you start to hyperventilate.
"[name]? [name] are you there?" Everything went dark after that.
Trying to cope was the worst part of it all. Yaga had called you a couple of weeks later saying his body was so mutilated that they couldn't bring it back to bury him properly.
Now, you truly have nothing left, well, technically you have all the things he's given to you over the years, but you don't have him.
You went to therapy, you went to stay with your family, none of it worked. All you could think about was the last time he held you, his body was warm but his hands were cold to the touch.
As much as it hurts, your therapist has suggested moving out of your house because your pain is still raw and being in the house will bring up painful memories. Of course you refuse, why is everyone trying to take away what you have left of your husband?
In your bed was a picture of Choso, one you'd always keep with you when you missed him horribly. As you lie down for the night, you hug the picture tightly while tears silently fall from your eyes. At this point you don't even make sound anymore when you cry, it's just tears.
Ultimately, Yuji was the one to help you start your healing process. When everything had faded he came back, in rough shape might you add, but at least he was back. Instead of going to see all his friends when he returns, he goes to see you.
When he knocks on your door you assume it's your friends or a family member coming to get you out of the house. Seeing Yuji at your front door was very unexpected on your part. Before you can even get a sentence out he's squeezing you in a bone crushing hug.
"Choso told me to give you a hug for him. It was the last thing he asked for." His softly spoken words meet your ears. Almost immediately you squeezed Yuji tighter, "Thank you ,Yuji..."
"I know that you've known him longer than I have but.." he pauses, "his death hurt me just as much, and shit- I'm not gonna lie and say everything will be okay or everything will go back to normal, but I will say that he wants us to continue on even when it's rough."
Yuji's words sink into your brain and your first thought is selfish 'he wouldn't want me to keep going without him'. After a few seconds of rethinking you agree with Yuji, Choso was a fighter and he pressed on for what he believed, and yes, he would want you and his brother to do the same.
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rainylana · 3 days
Text
“Takin’ care of my best girl.”
Eddie Munson x female reader
summary: reader has a panic attack during the night.
warnings: panic attack, anxiety, tears and descriptions of anxiety symptoms, hurt/comfort, fear of allergic reaction/throat swelling.
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You’re sitting on the porch. The air is cool and breezy against your face, the moon shines a calming light on the grass in from of you, making it shimmer. There’s cats roaming in trash cans. Maybe they’re raccoons, actually. It was a beautiful night, but you weren’t really able to enjoy it.
Your heart was pounding, head aching and body trembling with fear, a fear you didn’t know what it exactly was. Your stomach was so twisted with knots and nerves you thought you’d surely pass out. It hurt to breath. You couldn’t breath. Your hands were cradling your head, holding your body tight and hoping it would pass.
It always passed. It always went away and you were always okay. They didn’t normally get this bad. You were getting so much better at handling them. For some reason tonight wasn’t the case. You debated waking Eddie up, but you hated keeping him up with you when you got this way. It wasn’t fair to him.
You had tried all the things to help you. You squeezed an ice cub in your palm, took a cold shower, tried watching to tv to distract yourself. You couldn’t stop swallowing, testing to see if your throat was closing up, which was now raw and irritated from your constant swallowing. You tried taking deep breaths, hands shaking as you placed a hand over your chest, grasping at your shirt.
Once you thought you were getting better, it would start up again. The sudden racing of your heart that made you breathless. After a few minutes, you began to pace, gripping at your chest and willing it to go away. What if there was something wrong with you? Were your lungs actually closing? Were you having an allergic reaction?
That’s what got you every time. You always thought you were dying, and you never were.
You needed to go to the hospital. You couldn’t stand it anymore. You’d been to the er many times for panic attacks, but what if it was serious this time? With trembling legs you walked back inside to your bedroom, rounding the bed and shaking Eddie urgently.
“Eddie?” Your still holding your chest. “Eddie?”
His eyes flutter open, squinting in the dark. “Hmm?”
“I’m scared.” You say, bringing up a nail to bite. “I think something might be wrong.”
Those key words had him sitting up, rubbing his eyes. He leans over and switches on the light, looking up to take you in. He knows what’s wrong immediately, lifting the blanket so he can get out of bed. “What’s going on?” His voice is tired and gruff. “You anxious about something?”
You shake your head yes, grasping at your throat. “I- I uh, I think my throat might be swelling up. Maybe I ate something.”
He nods slowly, bringing his hands up to ghost at your arms. “What brought this on? Did it just start?”
“No, I’ve been up awhile.” You say, trying to swallow again. You do, but harshly, pushing out a choked breath that has you pacing around the room. “Eddie, I’m scared.”
“You’re alright, baby.” He’s following you, grabbing your hand. “Come on, let’s go out to the living room.” He guides you out there, sitting you on the kitchen chair by the stove. “I’ll make you some tea.”
Your eyes start to well up and you shake your head. “No, I- I think we should go to the hospital, Eddie.” Your voice came out desperate.
He’d done this with you so many times, yet the urgency and fear in your voice always made him nervous, even though he knew you were completely fine. He puts the tea in the microwave, setting it for two minutes before he’s crouching in front of you. “Hey,” He’s grasping your face. “You’re alright. You know that. We just have to work through it okay? Like we always do.”
You let out a sob that makes his heart ache, a tear dropping town to his wrist. “But I’m scared.”
“I know you are.” He coos, petting your hair. “If you really want to go I’ll take you, but you’re strong enough to fight this, baby. I’m right here with you, right? We can get through this.” He leans up and kisses your forehead, then your cheek, going back to the microwave to let you think.
Your knee is bouncing quickly, your knuckles tapping at the table like you’re trying to communicate through morse code. Your breathing gets heavier and heavier, your head getting harder to keep up. You gasp, groaning loudly as you lean over.
He’s bringing the cup of tea over to you quickly, sitting it on the table to hold your back. “Just breath, sweetheart.” He’s rubbing your back, crouching beside you. “You’re alright.”
You start to sob, head between your knees as you fight to be sick. You hiccup, shoulders shaking with your cries. You reach to grip his arm. “My stomach hurts so bad.”
It wasn’t rare for you to throw up when you got worked up. He quickly brought the kitchen trashcan over to you, sitting it in front of you so you could have it at the ready.
“Keep breathing.” He instructs you, bringing the tea over to you. “Here, try and drink some of this.” He wasn’t ever sure if the tea helped, but it made him feel useful when you got to feeling poorly.
When your tea is gone, after practically gulping down the hot liquid, he’s rubbing your shaking shoulders, trying to get the knots out of muscles. He switches on the tv to gilligans island, the episode where the professor is trying to make a phone out of a coconut and a banana peel.
You keep crying through half of the episode, coiling over here and there. When you did, he rubbed the back of your neck and kissed your shoulder, telling you to breath and that you were going to get through it.
When you’re three episodes in, your tears have stopped and you’re left with nothing but embarrassment and humiliation, your face beat red as you begin to mutter an apology. “I’m sorry.” Your voice is shaky and hoarse. He’s sitting beside you now, his arm tossed around your shoulders.
“Don’t be.” He smiles, tapping your nose. “Just doing my job.”
“Your job?” You sniffle.
“Takin’ care of my best girl.” He kissed you, a quick peck on the lips as he leans over and turns off the living room light, snuggling back into the couch and pulling you into his chest.
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