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#sense of belonging
urloveangel · 8 months
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You are only free when you realize you belong no place - you belong every place.
Maya Angelou
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sinigangsta-ao3 · 2 years
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Thursday Thoughts: On fandom and a sense of belonging
I love @ao3commentoftheday, in general. But I particularly love how succinctly and beautifully they summarize how, as we participate in fandom, we are ultimately (even if it's unconsciously) seeking out community.
Yesterday, I reblogged their transcription, where they reflect on why fic writers specifically — and creators and artists, generally — seek and savor engagement metrics (e.g. kudos, comments) when they share something online. As they summarized: it's because kudos and comments are the only tangible points within an online space that can be presumed as points of connection. As signals of community.
To quote them:
"For me. That's the piece that's missing. That's the piece that people crave, the thing they're looking for. It's not about the comments, it's not about the numbers, it's about connections and relationships. And that's the part that's missing."
Additionally, in response, @ishtarelisheba reblogged and added a big YES-AND — underscoring that, in addition to finding community, it is both reasonable and valid for writers/artists/creators who are sharing their work online to expect a positive feedback loop. Because who wouldn't want the confirmation that one's efforts and vision are not only seen but also appreciated by someone else in the world (especially because the artist made a point to put it out in the world in the first place?).
As they so beautifully summarized:
"Very few people actually want to work hard on a piece of art, a piece of writing, a sculpture, a dollhouse, a carving, a sweater for their dog, and just Gollum it and never show another person. For most creators, showing your creations to others is vital for that creative part of your soul to thrive. Of course you should love what you do and enjoy what you make! But don’t ignore the part of you that wants to hold it up two inches from someone else’s face and get love and enjoyment from them, too, just because some false platitude instilled a sense of shame for that pretty much universal need."
Both of those needs — connection and validation — can and do exist whenever anyone enters a space, either online or offline. And, in addition to saying we seek out community when we enter fandom, I would even take it a step further (hold on, Corporate Nina is entering the chat) and say that we are seeking out a sense of belonging.
I'll link some articles explaining this in a bit more depth below, but — as summarized within this organizational study in the Harvard Business Review — we experience a sense of belonging within a group when we experience the following (in parentheses, I've added some of the online "engagement" equivalents that we probably look for to find indicators of belonging):
We are seen for our unique contributions (hits, views).
We are connected to other group members (servers, blog communities, social media platforms).
We are supported in our work and in our artistic and creative development (comments, kudos, reshares, other individuals in the fandom talking up your work).
We are proud of the group's values and purpose (sustained enthusiasm/desire to participate and create in fandom).
I know that these tenets were crafted based on workplaces and formal organizations — but I don't think it's a far reach to apply them to fandom. Because, at its core, fandom is still an organized, social body comprised of individuals coming together based on a common goal and/or shared interest. It's like a school. Or a workplace. Or a social group, in that regard.
And, regardless of why and how someone finds themselves within fandom (or any organized space), it is not only valid for someone to want to receive indicators that they're welcome and that they belong — but it's also a biological and psychological human need to feel connected and validated within a social space (you can read about this phenomenon in the 2020 MIT study that cites that we receive neurological signals akin to physical hunger when we crave social connection).
On a more personal note:
Over the past few weeks, I've been wrestling with this sensation myself. Mostly because I initially intended to join this particular fandom in order to simply write — and I was surprised when I realized that no, I wanted more than that. That, as cited in the quotes above, I did truly want to make friends, connect with others, and find community. To connect with others to a degree that, in full transparency, I don't typically do, both online and offline.
I did think that I found a little pocket of community. And I enjoyed it a lot, felt like I thrived and like I might have found those people that "got" me...
And, sadly, that sense of belonging I thought that I experienced ended up a bit of a facade.
Now, I'm in a space where I'm trying to figure out where, how, and (sometimes) if I even belong in this space. There are a lot of things that I like to add, that I get a lot of joy out of — but I also receive a lot of indicators on a daily basis that maybe, just maybe, I'm not as welcome here as I originally thought...
Basically, it's interesting to be a participant in fandom in this day and age, when it is both so easily accessible to enter the space and so challenging to navigate and assess authentic connection.
I don't necessarily know what the answer is. I know I'm bringing some of my equitable organizational design principles into my thought processes here (and I know that some people think I'm overthinking this but whatever) — but I do think that there are both individual responsibilities that need to be upheld and systemic changes that need to be made in order to sustain a sense of belonging for all participants.
But, in the meantime, I'll just continue to assess meaning in this space for myself, continue to lift up others, and continue to suss out where and with whom I can find those bits of connection and validation. Because I would really, really, really like to think that I still belong here.
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Final note: as promised, here are some articles about sense of belonging, in case you're interested.
"Acute social isolation evokes midbrain craving responses similar to hunger" (Nature Neuroscience, 2020)
"Create a Sense of Belonging" (Psychology Today, 2014)
"Missing Your People: Why Belonging Is So Important And How To Create It" (Forbes, 2021)
"Sense of Belonging: A Vital Mental Health Concept" (School of Nursing and Department of Psychology, University of Michigan, 1992)
"What Does It Take to Build a Culture of Belonging?" (Harvard Business Review, 2021)
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env0writes · 9 months
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A Gust of Wind Vol.3, 8.10.23 “No Grand Garden For Me"
Right now I have a potted plant It has lived since 2017 One day I’ll put it in a garden, small A place made up of in-betweens A day might come, should come When it might have a friend As I might have a neighbor Chance to set barefoot roots and mend All the powers in the world With pockets plum full of cash Do not deal me, this mean game of Monopoly I’d rather sleep beneath a tree of ash My potted plant is doing well And I, as well, do try No garden vast is needed here Don’t ask, no reason why A plot of land for potted plant With rain aplenty for the years For when the bubble bursts A home for us, it shall drink my tears
@env0writes C.Buck Ko-Fi & Venmo: @Zenv0 Support Your Local Artist! Photo by @mynamemeanscloud
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promptmyjournal · 2 months
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ruthlessrain · 9 months
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Constellations glow glamorously
In the starlit sky
Each burning flame, a piece of art
That stands the test of time
Each picture has a deeper core
With heart and soul and feeling
Connection that's so valued
That the lone ones lose their meaning
But many were not made to be
A lion or a dipper
Pretending burns the energy
And your light will start to flicker
But nights that most are photographed
Are ones with stars that dance
Without a pattern or sense of order
Sends many in a trance
We're a lot like stars, this way
We tend to prioritize belonging
We overthink and force our way
Into cliques that hurt us
It's easy to forget that people
Shine as bright alone
And the more you shine, the more you'll find
Constellations of your own
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euesworld · 1 year
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"Love fills me with a sense of belonging.. it is a kindness of soul that I will forever be wanting."
I think the ultimate question in life is, how did you love? - eUë
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hungarianbaklava · 10 months
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İnsanın evi neresidir ? Bu soruyu sürekli soruyorum kendi kendime .Doğduğumuz , büyüdüğümüz ,yaşadığımız yoksa yaşamak istediğimiz ? Kendiimiz ait hissettiğimiz yermidir evimiz ? Bence evet ait hissettiğimiz yerde ,evdeymişiz hissi oluşur kalbimizde. Şimdi biz evimizdeyiz. Budapeştenin her sokağı ,her caddesi bana evimdeymişim hissini veriyor.Tunanın kıyısında yürürken hissettiğim huzurun tarifi yok .Güneşin batışını izlemek belkide bu dünyada insana kendini özel hissetiren anlardan birisi .Benim güneşimde bu topraklarda doğup ,bu topraklarda batıyor artık. En yüksek sesle , ağız dolusu bağırnak istiyorummmm BEN EVİMDEYİİİİMMMMM :)
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chaosmindthoughts · 1 year
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My body does not make me less worthy, it's not a catch that you should ignore because I got better qualities.
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pwrn51 · 2 days
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A Journey from Intention to Impact
  Betsy’s guest is Malia C.Lazu who is the Author and Writer of “FROM INTENTION TO IMPACT ” A PRACTICAL GUIDE to DIVERSITY, EQUITY, and INCLUSION. Malia is an an award-winning, tenured strategist in diversity and inclusion, and a lecturer in the Technological Innovation, Entrepreneurship, and Strategic  Management group at the MIT Sloan School of Management. Before her tenure at MIT, Malia’s…
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lsmolinari · 1 month
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Hyde and Seeking Attention
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raffaellopalandri · 2 months
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Align rather than push
We cannot force commitment and sense of belonging from the outside. They come from inside us, generated by one’s purpose, values, principles, and ideals. Align rather than push.
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sinigangsta-ao3 · 2 years
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Thursday Thoughts: On fandom and a sense of belonging, pt. 2
second part posted on a Friday lol
A few additions to yesterday's Thursday Thoughts, especially since that post seems to have resonated with a lot of people (btw, thanks @ao3commentoftheday for both your "overthinking" that inspired my original post and the signal boost!) — and a lot of people added some really important perspectives that I wanted to consolidate here.
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On validation:
First things first, some clarification on my terminology: When I use the term "validation," I understand that word sometimes can be misconstrued as praise, fame, widespread recognition, etc. — especially on the Internet and in fandom. To clarify: when I say that people want to be validated, I specifically mean that they want to be affirmed and recognized as worthwhile. Sometimes, it's a matter of just being seen, full stop. Of being recognized that they exist (because sometimes people enter spaces, online or offline, and their existence isn't even acknowledged — and that is inherently a disheartening and dehumanizing experience. How can it not be?). On that note...
When I say that people seek validation, I definitely do not believe that means seeking validation or recognition at scale. I think, for most people in fandom (including me), validation through one or two readers/viewers who say, "I see that you did this work, and I think it's good and/or I appreciate that you did the work" is more than sufficient. I'm not saying that there aren't individuals in fandom who seek fandom fame or "cult status" — I have seen some and have observed them. I do, however, think those who seek fandom fame are the minority, rather than the majority. Basically, I do not think that, for the most part, artists/creators truly desire high volume of engagement — I just think that, psychologically and neurologically speaking, engagement metrics are the only things our brains can hinge on when we're trying to find authentic emotional and social connections via the zeroes and ones on the Internet. And volume feels like authenticity when we're looking at a screen.
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On community:
In the tags, @rowenabean made a really great clarifying point about seeking community: "looking for connection is important and valid; needing it to come from one specific person or place is unhealthy." To which I say: YES ABSOLUTELY 100%. In my initial reflections, I'm definitely not saying that fandom is the only place where people seek connection — instead, I'm saying that people inherently seek connection ANYWHERE they go. This is also where my allusions to "individual responsibilities" come in...
We owe it to ourselves and are ultimately responsible for not only navigating online spaces based on our needs, but also honestly calibrating our expectations within ourselves when we navigate online communities. If we're seeking connection, we must constantly ask ourselves: "What am I actually looking for here?"; "Am I being clear with myself and with others on what I want and/or need?"; and — most importantly — "Am I being honest with myself with the fact that I cannot control others and if/how they have the capacity to connect with me?" Answers to that last question, in particular, get blurred because of the chaos of the Internet and the inability to effectively interpret others' intentions through a screen. I also think it's fair for us to get disappointed when misinterpretations happen in our attempts to build connection online — we're only human, after all. We can and should grieve loss, even if it's "just" a loss of a potential online friendship/connection.
Side note: this is all about healthy boundary setting, and I think that the work by Nedrata Glover Tawwab — including her book, "Set Boundaries, Find Peace" — has some really helpful tips on how to navigate this. She even provides some insights and advice on setting effective boundaries on social media and in online spaces, generally.
But, going back to diversifying the different containers in which you pour pieces of yourself: I fundamentally believe that fandom shouldn't be the only place you find a sense of belonging and that fandom can be one of a multitude of places in which you find authentic connection. I know there are some people who look down on individuals who try to seek authentic connection and a safe space in fandom — and I think that is both a problematic and privileged take. For some people, fandom can sometimes be the only place in which they feel safe enough to share certain parts of themselves. And that is a valid, understandable, and reasonable approach.
Finally, my good fandom + writing friend @onwriting-hrarby made a great point that, more often than not, we internalize the blame when we are unwelcomed because it is easier to see what's wrong within us instead of looking at the way in which the community/space we're entering is not set up for us to participate, let alone to belong (this is where my allusion to "systemic changes" comes in). In her own words:
Sometimes we blame ourselves for not having found the community, or still finding the way we feel ourselves comfortable with it, without giving full thought that we are not taught to navigate communities that don’t want us, or neglect us because it is easier not to rebel against them and just feel shame or guilt over it.
When Oedipus gets exiled by Creontes, the choir sings about the great “fall of man”, and we’re introduced a human that couldn’t navigate the community where he was shove in. But we hardly see the same amount of criticism to Creontes, the king, for whom is extremely convenient to have Oedipus exiled.
Forming part of a community implies vulnerability to let this community hurt you or welcome you. There is no sense of belonging without opening yourself to it, and pour your feelings onto it. That’s why it hurts when we are not welcome: it is not only that we feel like we don’t belong but that, ultimately, they are saying “no” to who we are, after bearing ourselves open.
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On that note: I think that's enough for this week lol. I will inevitably revisit this topic at some point, either in a future Thursday Thoughts post or just generally. I can't help it: this is literally where my brain just goes, haha.
Sending everyone good vibes — and hoping that you're able to find connection and validation in whatever way that resonates for you! 💕
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sfrzlrynd · 2 months
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AoC Summit Tahun Ini
Kesalahan terbesar kita, sebagai manusia, adalah saat kita memiliki ekspektasi yang terlalu berlebihan kepada orang lain. Seharusnya, jangan terlalu berharap kepada manusia, karena bisa mengakibatkan kekecewaan dan kepahitan hidup. Karena harapan itu sepatutnya hanya disandarkan kepada Tuhan Yang Maha Kuasa. Namun, kembali lagi, pada akhirnya, berulang kali, kita tetap berekspektasi yang berlebihan kepada manusia.
Apalagi jika ekspektasi yang dimaksud ialah berupa sebuah harapan akan proses perbaikan atau improvement. Ekspektasi yang membuat semangat kita naik kembali, setelah sebelumnya menurun karena bosan dengan kondisi yang gini-gini saja. Juga harapan yang dititipkan oleh tim supaya bisa tetap bersama. Namun ternyata semua harapan itu seperti pepesan kosong, seperti opak angin, seperti gentong kosong, tak ada satupun yang kesampaian.
Dua paragraf di atas merupakan sebuah premis pembuka tentang pelaksanaan AoC (Agent of Change) Summit tahun ini. Bagaimana sebuah event yang seharusnya kami ikuti dengan sangat antusias, tiba-tiba menjadi awal bagi merontoknya semangat-semangat kami. Padahal satu minggu sebelumnya, di Malang, kami telah berkonsolidasi bersama 'pembina' untuk menyukseskan acara AoC tersebut.
Kami, beberapa anggota AYC, sangat bersemangat ketika diajak berdiskusi membahas kegitan AoC Summit. Karena kami memiliki puluhan ide kegiatan dan program AYC (atau AoC secara umum) untuk dapat dilaksanakan di tahun ini. Ide-ide tersebut didapatkan dari pengalaman selama setahun sebelumnya ketika mengerjakan kegiatan BOSS, CCIT, dan AoC Compiler, bahkan ketika menginisiasi program AKHLAK Day. Dari kegiatan-kegiatan tersebut muncul catatan dan evaluasi, yang berakhir menjadi ide-ide gila. Sehingga, kami tidak mungkin melewatkan momen AoC Summit. Momen ketika, seharusnya, kami bersepuluh berkumpul, mungkin dengan anggota baru, melakukan Forum Group Discussion (FGD) atas ide-ide yang dicatatkan.
Harapan tetap menjadi harapan. Maksudnya, tidak menjadi kenyataan. Tujuan AYC tidak dapat dicapai. Pada sesi FGD, kami dipecah menjadi 4 kelompok dengan bahan diskusi yang berbeda-beda. Ibarat lidi, kalau tidak dikumpulkan, akan mudah dipatahkan. Memang benar kami memiliki puluhan ide gila, tetapi jika tidak dibahas bersama 10 orang, ide itu akan menguap karena tidak ada yang saling memompa. Kami sempat mencoba untuk mempertahankan program kami sebelumnya dengan mengusulkannya pada tim FGD, tetapi pada akhirnya tidak ada satupun yang berhasil lolos sampai detik ini, ketika tulisan ini dibuat. Tak ayal WAG AYC ramai membahas permasalahan ini.
Tidak bisa masuknya ide-ide kami, bahkan program-program AYC sebelumnya, ke dalam project charter adalah 'penyesalan' pertama. Kondisi kedua, yang membuat kami, andai waktu itu kami tak berekspektasi terlalu tinggi, adalah kami bersepuluh tidak bisa lagi menjadi AYC. Ini adalah kondisi yang paling parah. Padahal semua stream telah berjalan dengan baik selama 2 tahun, tapi tiba-tiba dirusak. Hidup damai, sampai negara api menyerang. Tentu saja WAG AYC tak mungkin tidak meng-ghibah.
Itulah dua hasil yang amat sangat disayangkan. Yang dalam pandangan kami, seharusnya tidak perlu terjadi. Mengapa? Karena memulai dari awal hanya akan memperburuk kondisi AoC, yang berusaha untuk 'naik kelas' tersebut.
Tak hanya hasil, kami melihat proses-proses yang dilakukan saat AoC Summit sudah tidak tepat.
Pertama. Para kelompok FGD belum tentu sebagai eksekutor. Saat pertama kali memulai forum, saya bertanya kepada 'pembina', siapa yang akan menjalankan program yang dibahas saat FGD? Karena tentu akan berbeda cara pembahasannya bila menjadi eksekutor atau tidak. Jika menjadi eksekutor program hasil pembahasan, tentu tim akan berusaha menelurkan ide-ide yang feasible untuk dapat direalisasikan. Tetapi jawabannya adalah, yang penting punya ide dulu, eksekutornya akan dibahas nanti.
Hal tersebut merupakan sebuah kesia-siaan. Meskipun saat forum diskusi, saya sudah mencoba membatasi supaya program yang dibahas hanya satu dan berpikir seolah-olah kamilah eksekutornya. Sehingga programnya sederhana dan kami sangat merasa memiliki.
Ternyata di akhir, program tim FGD saya ditambah-tambahkan ide dari tim lain. Saya mengerutkan dahi tidak terima, bagaimana bisa ide berasal dari tim lain tetapi tim saya yang harus menjalankan. Sampai sesi presentasi di hari kedua, saya dan tim tidak mempermasalahkan, kami tetap membawa ide 'jahitan' tersebut.
Kedua. Tidak melibatkan anggota AoC dalam mengelompokkan ide-ide yang sudah dibahas, ke dalam program akhir/final. Ketika hari pertama berakhir di sore hari, setelah semua tim menyampaikan gagasan hasil pembahasannya yang masih mentah, kami bubar dan dijadwalkan untuk melanjutkan diskusi pada malam hari ba'da isya.
Alangkah terkejutnya saya dan tim, mendapati ketika kembali ke ruangan, dan 'pembina' melakukan presentasi. Yang mereka klaim sebagai kesimpulan. Yang berisi pengelompokkan program-program 'sejenis' dari 4 tim FGD. Pengelompokkan dan tambah-kurang yang dilakukan sepihak oleh 'pembina' membuka mata saya, bahwa sedari awal, memang semangat kami sudah berbeda.
Saya dan tim AYC yang menganggap bahwa AoC adalah sebuah gerakan arus bawah, bottom up, sehingga semuanya duduk sama rendah, berdiri sama tinggi. Ternyata tidak sejalan dengan 'pembina' yang maunya top-down, mereka yang meyimpulkan, mereka yang menentukan, dan anggota AoC hanya sebagai 'anggota'. Orang-orang yang melaksanakan (eksekutor) ide-ide orang lain. Semangat gerakan mulai hilang. Padahal kelebihan dari sebuah gerakan adalah keterlibatan semua tim karena sama-sama merasa memiliki gerakan tersebut.
Akhirnya apa yang dilakukan 'pembina' di hari pertama membuka mata kami semua, tim AYC. Kami khawatir semangat AoC era baru ini malah akan mengakibatkan jumlah anggota aktif berkurang satu demi satu. Sebab tak ada lagi sense of belonging.
Ketiga. Target yang salah sasaran. Apakah nilai AKHLAK adalah segala-galanya? Apakah itu seperti nilai KPI yang akan memengaruhi bonus (uang)? Meskipun nilai AKHLAK fungsi turun dari tahun sebelumnya, tetapi terlalu berambisi untuk mengejar nilai 'semu' itu menurut kami, tim AYC, bukanlah keputusan yang bijak. Memangnya apa yang dikorbankan? Tentunya, seperti yang disebutkan sebelumnya, yang dikorbankan adalah semangat anggota untuk memiliki AoC.
Dengan banyaknya kegiatan yang bukan murni ide dari masing-masing tim, apalagi ada stream (baru) yang memiliki program seperti pekerjaan, mengurusi dasbor, tiket-tiket, dan lainnya. Intinya tidak mengandung unsur Fun Theory (seperti AoC tahun sebelumnya). Terlalu berfokus kepada nilai akhir, hanya akan menjadi beban bagi member AoC. Seperti pekerjaan, yang top-down, bukan dari bawah. Sangat berbeda dengan AYC, saat menyukseskan program-program tahun lalu, kami membawa semangat yang sama, yaitu bersenang-senang dengan AoC.
Setiap meeting AYC kami jadikan hiburan di kala penat dalam menjalankan rutinitas kerja harian. Target kami hanya satu, menjalankan kegiatan AYC dengan perasaan ikhlas. Apa manfaat yang diterima? Kami sangat kompak. Kekompakan tersebut tentu berimbas pada pekerjaan. Kami yang sebelum tergabung di AYC, (tentu) masih belum saling kenal dan agak canggung saat berkoordinasi terkait pekerjaan, setelah belasan mengikuti meeting bersama membahas program AKHLAK, kami menjadi sangat akrab. Pembahasan soal pekerjaan menjadi tak lagi ada batasan. Sangat toleransi apabila ada permasalahan. Sangat peka apabila ada yang membutuhkan bantuan. Seharusnya target AoC itu ya seperti yang dilakukan AYC, kekompakan tim. Bagaimana menyelesaikan program-program dengan menyenangkan.
Kami tidak akan pernah tahu 5-10 tahun ke depan, anggota AoC akan menjadi apa. Tapi, jika di awal, kami sudah dibebani oleh target nilai, haqqul yaqin pasti tidak akan ada yang bertahan. Apalagi sampai sekarang belum terlihat siapa yang akan menjadi para penggerak. Yang sebelumnya diperankan oleh anggota AYC.
Demikianlah, yang dapat saya tuliskan, mungkin masih banyak sekali hal yang mengganjal, tetapi ada baiknya tetaplah menjadi memori jangka pendek di dalam kepala. Tidak perlu diabadikan di dalam tulisan untuk saya baca di masa depan.
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laughingblue12 · 5 months
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The Boogendorfer
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ajwxyzwordpress · 8 months
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Embracing the Charms of Home: What We Love About Where We Live
Discover the heartwarming reasons behind our deep affection for our homes. Explore the sense of community, natural beauty, and cultural diversity that make where we live truly special. Join us in celebrating the charms that turn a place into a cherished h
Embracing the Charms of Home: What We Love About Where We Live Discover the heartwarming reasons behind our deep affection for our homes. Explore the sense of community, natural beauty, and cultural diversity that make where we live truly special. Join us in celebrating the charms that turn a place into a cherished haven. ajwxyz..! Introduction Our living environment plays a significant role…
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dejavuardi · 9 months
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Work
We work for death. We work for love. But do we work for ourselves?
We work for years, no joy, but tears. But don't we work against our deepest fears?
We are perfect. Shouldn't feel any regret. But isn't it the world, that wants us to fall sad to bed?
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