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sinigangsta-ao3 · 2 years

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Thursday Thoughts: On fandom and a sense of belonging

I love @ao3commentoftheday, in general. But I particularly love how succinctly and beautifully they summarize how, as we participate in fandom, we are ultimately (even if it's unconsciously) seeking out community.

Yesterday, I reblogged their transcription, where they reflect on why fic writers specifically — and creators and artists, generally — seek and savor engagement metrics (e.g. kudos, comments) when they share something online. As they summarized: it's because kudos and comments are the only tangible points within an online space that can be presumed as points of connection. As signals of community.

To quote them:

"For me. That's the piece that's missing. That's the piece that people crave, the thing they're looking for. It's not about the comments, it's not about the numbers, it's about connections and relationships. And that's the part that's missing."

Additionally, in response, @ishtarelisheba reblogged and added a big YES-AND — underscoring that, in addition to finding community, it is both reasonable and valid for writers/artists/creators who are sharing their work online to expect a positive feedback loop. Because who wouldn't want the confirmation that one's efforts and vision are not only seen but also appreciated by someone else in the world (especially because the artist made a point to put it out in the world in the first place?).

As they so beautifully summarized:

"Very few people actually want to work hard on a piece of art, a piece of writing, a sculpture, a dollhouse, a carving, a sweater for their dog, and just Gollum it and never show another person. For most creators, showing your creations to others is vital for that creative part of your soul to thrive. Of course you should love what you do and enjoy what you make! But don’t ignore the part of you that wants to hold it up two inches from someone else’s face and get love and enjoyment from them, too, just because some false platitude instilled a sense of shame for that pretty much universal need."

Both of those needs — connection and validation — can and do exist whenever anyone enters a space, either online or offline. And, in addition to saying we seek out community when we enter fandom, I would even take it a step further (hold on, Corporate Nina is entering the chat) and say that we are seeking out a sense of belonging.

I'll link some articles explaining this in a bit more depth below, but — as summarized within this organizational study in the Harvard Business Review — we experience a sense of belonging within a group when we experience the following (in parentheses, I've added some of the online "engagement" equivalents that we probably look for to find indicators of belonging):

We are seen for our unique contributions (hits, views).

We are connected to other group members (servers, blog communities, social media platforms).

We are supported in our work and in our artistic and creative development (comments, kudos, reshares, other individuals in the fandom talking up your work).

We are proud of the group's values and purpose (sustained enthusiasm/desire to participate and create in fandom).

I know that these tenets were crafted based on workplaces and formal organizations — but I don't think it's a far reach to apply them to fandom. Because, at its core, fandom is still an organized, social body comprised of individuals coming together based on a common goal and/or shared interest. It's like a school. Or a workplace. Or a social group, in that regard.

And, regardless of why and how someone finds themselves within fandom (or any organized space), it is not only valid for someone to want to receive indicators that they're welcome and that they belong — but it's also a biological and psychological human need to feel connected and validated within a social space (you can read about this phenomenon in the 2020 MIT study that cites that we receive neurological signals akin to physical hunger when we crave social connection).

On a more personal note:

Over the past few weeks, I've been wrestling with this sensation myself. Mostly because I initially intended to join this particular fandom in order to simply write — and I was surprised when I realized that no, I wanted more than that. That, as cited in the quotes above, I did truly want to make friends, connect with others, and find community. To connect with others to a degree that, in full transparency, I don't typically do, both online and offline.

I did think that I found a little pocket of community. And I enjoyed it a lot, felt like I thrived and like I might have found those people that "got" me...

And, sadly, that sense of belonging I thought that I experienced ended up a bit of a facade.

Now, I'm in a space where I'm trying to figure out where, how, and (sometimes) if I even belong in this space. There are a lot of things that I like to add, that I get a lot of joy out of — but I also receive a lot of indicators on a daily basis that maybe, just maybe, I'm not as welcome here as I originally thought...

Basically, it's interesting to be a participant in fandom in this day and age, when it is both so easily accessible to enter the space and so challenging to navigate and assess authentic connection.

I don't necessarily know what the answer is. I know I'm bringing some of my equitable organizational design principles into my thought processes here (and I know that some people think I'm overthinking this but whatever) — but I do think that there are both individual responsibilities that need to be upheld and systemic changes that need to be made in order to sustain a sense of belonging for all participants.

But, in the meantime, I'll just continue to assess meaning in this space for myself, continue to lift up others, and continue to suss out where and with whom I can find those bits of connection and validation. Because I would really, really, really like to think that I still belong here.

---

Final note: as promised, here are some articles about sense of belonging, in case you're interested.

"Acute social isolation evokes midbrain craving responses similar to hunger" (Nature Neuroscience, 2020)

"Create a Sense of Belonging" (Psychology Today, 2014)

"Missing Your People: Why Belonging Is So Important And How To Create It" (Forbes, 2021)

"Sense of Belonging: A Vital Mental Health Concept" (School of Nursing and Department of Psychology, University of Michigan, 1992)

"What Does It Take to Build a Culture of Belonging?" (Harvard Business Review, 2021)

#on fandom #sense of belonging #online community #fic writing #writer problems #thursday thoughts #nina-bean writing #sorry i'm always on my soapbox

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creatorofuniverses · 3 months

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Day 7 – Meme

The bottom of the fucking ocean definitely counts as "wilderness", right?

Emy's story – In Deep Waters – by yours truly

Seth's story – Goldfish – by @neonthewrite

Isaac's story – Grey Landing – by @neonthewrite

#honestly kudos to nina for writing a smol that is decidedly not a bean #i struggle... so hard... with departing from the beans...#GtWAC #GtWAC 2024 #my art

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boxwinebaddie · 2 months

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this ask about whether ravenstan ever gets to read jerseykyle’s letters from his special stan notebook is taking me a while because i’m in the writing mood and want it to sound really nice, but there’s this soul crushing part i just finished writing abt kyle often not even using the journal to write stan letters, but rather, as a utility tool where he takes down notes of things he needs to remember or…grocery lists for things the house needs.

and i wrote this little stream of consciousness about how kyle feels in grocery stores that broke my heart a little and i wanted to share it with all of you because i think it speaks a lot to how he’s struggling and how his broken psyche works and whirs almost robotically. anyways there is a large tw for ed, please heed that warning and read with caution. i promise i never write from a place of shock value, my work is always written as a cautionary tale and an authentic depiction of just how much our warped perceptions can alter out real lives.

#nina writes sometimes #i wrote about this in og rm6 #but i feel like i like this much better because its v poignant #and really shows you how much kyle goes thru each day #how much he punishes himself and how imperfect he feels #how he seems so hardlined and regimeted #but little fantasies of stan keep him grounded #that he is a romantic loving and gentle thing at heart #even if he pretends not to have one and thinks that he #is not made for something like love #idk i can never tell if the things i write are well written #but i wanted yall to get a glimpse into jersey's psyche #because i find him extremely interesting as a protagonist #because i feel like a lot of protags are very like i'm a smol bean lol i'm sweet good and likeable; i like that jersey is so unpleasant #i like that he's a very unreliable narrator whose narration is very shrewd skuewed and negative #i feel like it subverts that genre and flips the whole troupe on its head which is kind of what rem(ember) is all about #i espec wanted it to feel that way when we learned stan isnt a smarmy sexy suave rockstar but is actually super awkward #idk i like my weird little au world i hope you enjoy this

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weirdly-specific-but-ok · 3 months

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pt XVII good omens explained but im in tears at 3:30 am and on sleep meds

Oh it's been a while since we did one of these innit what was the last tine? Jan? Well the Mascot is back with a part XVII because this fandom valentine's day posts wrecked me emotionally and i took the usual sleep meds (we all know how that goes) so I'm here to make bad decisions y;all. Ignore all types or mistakes im not responsible for anything eber it's all the metatron's fault.

there are two entities crowley and aziraphela and they love each othner so much it h8urts ow

heaven has embraced minimalist interior decor and minimalist empathy it was a 2 for 1 offer at bunnings (australian maggots you proud good)

hell has embraced cluttercore with regards to interior decor and projected trauma bunnings was real generous

crowley was once an angel but the angel we knew it not him and that hurts but moving on is must because otherwise disrespect but she made stars and it was pretty just like her

im so tired. aziraphale is still an angel he';s very good at forgiveness whoch is nice but sometimes people dont want to be forgiuven they want to be dead isntead

that was not the setence i intended to write but it's accurate after the final fifteen ahahahahahhahahahahahaha do ihave trauma yes i went to bunnings because i liked hell's projections

the antichrist is very cute and he's good at the law of strraction he tells satan you fuck right off satan you're nOT MY REAL DAD which is so cool you go adam you GO and so then his read dad becomes his read dad there may have ben necromancy involved

anathema and newt are existing and she hit crow,yes bentley but that's fine because it burned to the ground anyway you know whatsw not fine crowley kneeling on the aslphalet and me that's what

nina and maggie veyr cute not yet but eventually because yes fuck lindey linday forgeot her nmae

aziraphale is very cute trauma bitchy bean

crowley is very kind trauma irritation disaster

eyes shutting it's all good but madam tracy has a BED AHAHAH you know what you do on bed it's SEXY THINGS hehhee like like stuff toys

so basically hemon hell are both like crowley azi you fools and then theyre like AAAAAAAAH GABRIEL but it's fine and the second coming is happening but azi is like nina maggie love so muriel is sent down

amd then crowley ad azi are like POOF FALL IN LOVE but nina is like HOHO WHAT THE FUCK nad the demons go WHEEEE and then crowley goes to heaven and then aziraphale goes to heabem and it's a;;; sad

gabriel is naked anc he was nasty first then felll in love with beelzebun then went naked and then back in love so now theyre both in alpha centaryie

that's a triple star system btw alpha a b and proxuma centauri which is the cloest star to earth aside from obviopuw crowley doesnt want to leav e earth far behind mkigkrkgw

boom azi gone all croiing im listening to dont bother from the sounstrack on loop since i started writing this

metatron oat milk evil azi scared crowley mr darcy we're crying yeah

yay all done now asleep jno bepop ya yes blruryry my meds packet looks lime a furry opposoum

anyway

so fucking tired i cannot see what im typing

@howmanyholesinswisscheese help

posting without rsding it through awahoooooooooooooooo

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ao3cassandraic · 8 months

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Angels, demons, language, and culture: part 2

(Part 1, for those interested)

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." --John 1:1, King James Bible

A better theologian than I could perhaps write a meta in which the Starmaker is the Word. I'm not prepared to go that far, honestly. I am fully prepared to say that written words, in the GOverse, are very, very important -- but curiously neither angelic nor demonic. They're human.

I mean, watching s1 I noticed that there's not a whole lot of written words in Heaven, to the point that I was wondering whether angels are even literate. There's the Quartermaster's list (which now I'm wondering about again -- we don't see whether there are words on it; perhaps it's just pictures and maybe checkboxes?), and... and... um... surely there's more... there's got to be more, right? ... huh, go figure.

Word of Gaiman says that angels mostly don't read the Bible; it's not angelic, it's human, and as such rather déclassé. In s2, we do see Gabriel's name written across his file -- but inside it? Not forms, not written documents, but video. There's an Ursula K. LeGuin line -- I think from The Telling? or maybe Four Ways to Forgiveness -- about a society that's postliterate, having left the written word behind for video, and is for that reason extra gullible. Yeah, that line sure does remind me of Heaven.

No wonder Muriel doesn't get much respect from their colleagues or reporting line. If words aren't angelic, how can respect be due to a mere scrivener?

Jimbriel can read, though his grasp on the alphabet is a bit shaky. He can't really read, though -- just as angels can speak human language but not think human thoughts. Only someone who can't quite get his head around the idea that written words convey meaning would try to organize books alphabetically by first word. (Aziraphale does understand this, of course. "But nobody would ever -- yes, fine, go ahead." I love that line. Aziraphale would hate my metadata class -- or he'd love it, just to do the opposite of every organizational principle I teach!)

Hell uses writing, but very inexpertly: the typography on its signs is (with full Doylist intent) execrable, and in s2 we learn that most demons can't spell for beans. What Hell can do with written words, apparently, is contracts, like the one Crowley has to sign for the baby Antichrist -- and after the Job minisode and its miles-long bet contract, I don't actually think contracts come from Hell in general, I think it's Satan specifically who writes them. (Maybe Satan used to be the Word. That'd be interesting. GO theologians, start your engines.)

Hell does seem to have a lot of paper around, shuffled into various overflowing cabinets and stamped at various desks. Hell even has a Lord of the Files! Even so, Furfur relies substantially on a visual display at his desk, a camera, and a surveillance video display. Most of the paper seems to be for handling former humans -- once again, written words and humans are inextricably entwined in the GOverse.

As for angelic and demonic magic, I notice a substantial absence of grimoires, chanting, or incantation, and a whole lot of picture (as we see in the Starmaker's book) and gesture. The Starmaker says "Let there be light" (and so does Aziraphale in s1), but I don't think by internal GOverse logic it'd have worked without the pull-down gesture.

All of which is to say that Aziraphale doesn't need the written word to be an angel; the written word is distinctly unangelic. Writing has to have been something he picked up from humanity, and decided he liked. It's one more thing that distances him from Heaven, as we can see in Gabriel's open contempt for Aziraphale's books, and even the well-meaning Jimbriel's instrumentalist use of books as fans and flyswatters and gravity testers.

Notably, when Nina asks to use Aziraphale's books instrumentally -- as weapons -- she rationalizes it to Aziraphale by indicating that the information in the encyclopedias will still exist online. Aziraphale accepts this! Not without pain, but he accepts it. He, unlike Jimbriel, can separate the meaning of a writing from its carrier. Hi, hello, yes, I am a librarian and I have read my Suzanne "Madame Documentation" Briet and Paul Otlet and Michael Buckland. I've even taught them. Content vs. carrier is a Whole Dang Thing in the history of librarianship. (Also, I am now headcanoning liek whoa that Aziraphale learned French to better understand Briet and Otlet. If he ever starts waffling about antelopes, I will know why.)

But that still leaves @thundercrackfic's actual questions: what exactly attracts Aziraphale to the written word? and how well does he understand it? And my additional question: what about Muriel? I'll get there. I promise! But I still need to talk about rules.

#good omens #good omens meta #aziraphale #heaven and hell #literacy #jimbriel the holy fool #the quartermaster #angel muriel

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mae-gi-writes · 11 months

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02. The note under your desk | Minho (xo kitty)

”it all started with a note under her desk.”

Play: —<| beside you - keshi |>—

(Credits to owner for the gif.)

Thanks for reading <3 @myahwritesss @sparkysparking101 @suzzie63 @upsidedownjill @lovely-hao @lupinette @seoli-16 @rory-cakes @sir-simp @rubes26 @chaerins-world @sadiebrookeholt @sincerely-aaronette @instabull @itsnotino

——— MASTERLIST | 02. Kind Regards, N | NEXT ———

Minho bunches up the note in his hand and pounds it into the wall. The paper bounces easily and falls, crumpled, onto the floor, which does nothing to ease the kind of anger bubbling up through his chest.

What nerve, he thinks as his eyes see all red, who the fuck thinks they can mess with him and get away with it?

He’d almost laughed as he read the words once. Again, and again. Until the reality had kicked him in the balls and he came to the conclusion that whoever this person is, they’re messing with him.

Dear Minho,

First off, that’s such a patronizing way to ask for help. Not even a please? Who the hell do you think you are? What you need help with are your manners, bro. Oh and I’m not Kimberley and I will definitely not pass on your message. Maybe you can try asking again — nicely, and then maybe I’ll consider telling her about you.

Also, Kimberley doesn’t sit at this desk. Maybe you should’ve known that first before even making a move. Kind regards,

N <3

A stranger.

A stranger had read his note. And this stranger might know exactly who Minho is. Great.

Now his entire reputation is at stake because of this stupid idiot who thinks it’s fun to pass on messages like love letters.

A knock sounds on his door and before he can ask, Q’s head pops in, “hey dude. You got a minute?”

“That depends,” Minho sighs and leans back into his plush bean bag, “I’m currently in the middle of a crisis.”

“What happened?” Q frowns, closing the door behind him before settling down on the carpet opposite.

Minho opens his mouth. Closes it. Regards Q with narrowed eyes. Then, a scowl forms onto his face.

Q blinks, “what? What did I do?”

“If I tell you, you cannot tell anyone.”

“Uh—sure, okay.”

“Swear it on your mother’s head.”

“Wha—Minho, come on. Just tell me—“

“Swear it.”

“Okay okay fine,” Q rolls his eyes, “I swear on my mother’s head. Now tell me.”

Minho recaps everything from the moment he’s dropped the note underneath the said desk to the episode that occurred just a few minutes prior.

Q cannot help himself but laugh, covering his mouth in an attempt to calm himself down as the other boy’s face twists into a ferocious glare that would’ve sent anyone running home, “oh my god,” Q says, trying to hide his chuckle, “this—you—oh my god, this person’s hilarious!”

“It’s not funny!” Minho rages, hands going up to grapple through his locks, “what am I supposed to do now?!”

“Well, assuming that it’s a girl from the handwriting,” Q shoots him a pointed look as he settles more comfortably against the couch, “I’d say you should write back.”

“And say what? That it was a mistake?” Minho rolls his eyes.

“No, but if she’s sitting in the front row, maybe she has all the resources you need. Ever thought of that?”

At that, Minho straightens and looks at his best friend as if a lightbulb has struck, “you think she’s smart?”

“I believe so. Why else would she be in the front row?” Q shrugs.

“Q,” Minho’s eyes fly up to his as a smile breaks across his face, “I think you’re a genius.”

“I know,” Q grins, “thank me later.”

———

Nina is half asleep when her fingers curl over the note under her desk.

It hadn’t been her intention to find it, but somehow it seems as though fate enjoys playing tricks on her. Huddling behind her stack of books and quickly ripping it open under her desk, Nina quickly places the paper over her copybook, slouching over her desk as though in deep thought when in truth she’s reading over the words with barely concealed amusement.

Dear N,

Well well well, nice to meet you. I guess I should apologize for my “patronizing” behaviour, as you said, but maybe you should just tone it down a little. Juuuust a little. Violence was never the answer, honey.

Anyway, since you’re the one who received my beautifully crafted handwritten letter, maybe you’d like to help me out with my horrible grades.

Pretty please? I’m asking nicely this time ;)

Yours sincerely,

Minho.

P.S: you know my name but I don’t know yours. Care to share?

Nina shouldn’t answer. She shouldn’t get involved with such a boy who seems to suck at flirting and who’s desperate enough to do it for the grades. Yet, his half-baked attempts only cause an amused smile to slowly crawl up her lips, one that she quickly hides when Professor Chung turns to ask the class a question.

Hiding behind a curtain of hair and leaning over her desk, Nina takes out a fresh piece of paper, and starts to write.

———

Dear Minho,

who even calls anyone “honey” these days? I think you need a real-life update. In any case, why don’t you ask the library for a tutor to help you out? I’m sure they’ll have much better resources than a random stranger from lecture.

Try it out, it might work wonders for you. Who knows, maybe you could use your flirting skills then ;)

Sincerely, N.

P.S: the first letter of my last name is S. That’s all I can give you for now.

———

Dear N.S.

I finally have some initials to call you by. Nice, although, a name would’ve sufficed. I’ve tried the library, horrible staff and the tutors are just there because they want a piece of me. What can I say? I’m a horribly enchanting man who cannot go anywhere in peace. So please, help me?

Kindly,

Minho

———

Dear Minho,

bold of you to assume that they’re enchanted by you.

I don’t know, should I help you? You’re not being very convincing. Then again, what do I know? I’m just some girl whose notes you need in order to get good grades right? Reality check, my man. Maybe you need to realize the world does not revolve around you :)

Kind regards,

N.S.

———

Dear N.S,

I’ll just say it’s still not fair you know my name and I don’t know yours, so I’m holding that against you. You keep insulting me but you also keep answering my notes. Either you’re a masochist and enjoy watching me suffer or you’re just a little bit entertained. I know I am even though I’m still struggling with Psychology.

Kindly, Minho.

———

The water is icy cold.

Minho’s limbs are freezing by the time he’s twenty laps in, the heat slowly spreading from his heart to the rest of his muscles as he keeps moving through the water as easily as a fish in the sea. This is where he feels the most alive, the most content.

Underneath the surface, everything is dulled out. He can only hear himself, the echo of sounds and voices drowned out by the alienated air pulsing through Minho’s ears.

Breaking through the water with a shaky breath, he quickly swims towards the edge and grabs on. On the other side are toddlers with their swimming instructors, voices loud and bouncing off the walls of the indoor-heated pool.

Minho grabs onto his cap, tugs it off his head before shaking out his hair. Part of him feels guilty for not doing more but he can’t find it in himself to continue for today.

“Hey if it isn’t Minho!”

The said man turns to find one of his swim mates, Jung Kiseok, striding towards him with purpose. He lifts a hand in greeting, “hey man.”

“Long time no see!” Kiseok claps him on the back before jumping into the water, the edges sloshing as he does so, “what have you been up to lately? You don’t seem to be around much.”

“Yeah I’ve been trying to save my grades,” Minho grimaces.

Kiseok groans sympathetically, “Oh I know how that feels. You found a tutor yet?”

“I don’t like the library tutors,” Minho sniffs, causing his friend to laugh, “why don’t you enter a study group? Wouldn’t it be easier?”

“Study group? How’d you find those?”

“Just go on the School Portal, man. They’re everywhere, for every subject.”

Minho straightens at that, eyes wide with hope, “how am I only finding this out now?”

“Shit, you really haven’t been studying have you?” Kiseok laughs even harder, “I’ll send you the link to one if you want. I know the TA in charge well.”

“That would be great, thanks.”

it isn’t until that night that Minho opens up the letter found underneath the desk from his Psychology class this morning. He finds that, ironically, he looks forward to having snippets of conversation with that infamous N.S. It somehow makes his day a little better, a little brighter. He wishes he can know what she looks like, at least.

Muscles aching and hair still wet from his shower, the said young man settles onto his couch with a heavy, tired sigh, before finally giving in and opening up the letter.

Dear Minho, okay. You got me. I’m actually really entertained by our conversation so yes, caught me red-handed. I wouldn’t have imagined that you would answer my note after the first time. Question: why did you take Psych if you’re struggling? I’m sure there must be another elective you can take.

Anyway, I’ll play nice and forward you the latest notes. Just give me your email.

Kindly, N.S.

“Yes,” Minho mutters to himself, inwardly punching the air as he quickly scribbles down his response and folds it as small as he can get it to go.

His phone suddenly vibrates. The young man grabs hold, presses down onto the call button, before placing it by his ear. “Minho, how are you?” “Eomma,” he switches to Korean, the language flowing smoothly through his tongue, “I’m good. How are you?”

“You’ve been very quiet lately. How’s your swimming going?”

“it’s alright,” he lounges back onto the couch, “same old.” “I hope you’re not skipping swimming practice.” On the contrary, it’s school he’s skipping out on. Not that she needs to know that.

“No Eomma, everything’s fine okay? You don’t have to worry.”

“and your grades?”

He clenches his teeth, “my grades are fine.”

Another lie. It’s the only thing that will keep his mother’s nose out of his business. They talk for a few more minutes before his mom is called back to work, and Minho cuts off, head resting back against his couch as another exhale escapes his lips. Lying to his mother had never been in his plans, but he finds it’s easier to do that rather than having her on his back about every little single thing. He’s surprised she has even let him be on his own for more than one day, considering that she used to pester and harrass him about being on time and being perfect at everything he did.

It was tiring. And Minho had grown sick of it.

His phone pings once more. Minho looks down to find Kiseok’s message with a link tot the Study group he’d been bragging about earlier.

Maybe that will help him out.

————

“You going to study group later?”

Nina looks up from her book. It had been one of those rare occasions where she could actually rest after this hectic week that had just passed —what with her midterms coming up, her assignments, and having to find a part-time job to finance her living situation.

It’s also a very rare occasion that her roommate actually reaches out to talk to her like she actually exists. It’s so surprising that for a minute, Nina just looks at her in surprise without registering anything she has said.

“What?” Nina asks blankly.

Her roommate — her name is Karen Liu and she’s a cheerleader —cocks her head at her, long hair streaming down her left shoulder, “you okay?” She asks, “you seem a bit out of it lately.”

It’s not the first time that Karen tries engaging with her and for that, Nina feels grateful. But the thing is, Nina feels so…blank in comparison. Karen’s life is filled with colour and pops of bright vibrancy that seems to jump out of the page at you. She’s someone bright, bubbly, funny, everything that anyone’s ever wanted to be. She’s popular amongst the boys and the girls, so can Nina face her without ever feeling like she’s never enough?

So Nina avoids her. Like the plague. And despite Karen’s greatest attempts at reaching out to her, the latter would rather have it that way.

Nina isn’t someone ready to be thrust in the spotlight. She never was.

“Uh yeah,” she stutters out a reply upon realizing that Karen had been waiting all this time, “I’m good, just busy. And yeah—I’m coming to the study group later.”

A smile so bright fills Karen’s face, “great!” She chirps before slinging her tote bag over her shoulder, “I’ll see you then!”

Great. Now Nina has no other choice than to show up now that she’s made a promise she can’t avoid. And it’s ironic really, considering that she’d been planning to have a quiet evening to herself, listening to her favorite music and watching the latest videos about marine life; more specifically about orcas.

The afternoon goes by quicker than she wants it to and before she knows it, she’s walking straight into the library at five on the dot as the sun slowly descends in the horizon and glazes everything in summery gold despite the fact that it’s freezing outside. Winter is coming. Nina can feel it in her bones.

There are already a few people there and she quickly takes a seat next to a guy she hasn’t seen before. Karen sends her a subtle wave from across the table and she waves back shyly, before focusing on gathering her books from her bag.

“Right, thanks for coming everyone,I’ll just do a quick intro for the new faces around here,” the TA in charge stands and leans his palms against the table, making sure to get a glimpse of every face, “my name’s Alex and I’ll be in charge of the Psychology study group. Make sure you come every week because we don’t normally linger too much on each topic. These sessions are here to help you get a better understanding, not to actually revise any material.”

Nina nods along with everyone else, already knowing all this. She clicks and unclicks her pen out of habit.

“Today we’ll be reviewing on the different mental disorders. I’ll be passing out study sheets and key points to take note of for each,” Alex starts handing around some papers as he speaks, “feel free to ask any questions. Before we begin with the questions, have a quick-read though and discuss with the partner on your left.”

Nina turns instinctively towards a young man who seems unfamiliar, a new addition to the study group probably. He’s nicely dressed, with a crisp white polo and a beige cardigan thrown over him, pretty features framed by stylish locks.

“Hi,” his voice is deeper than she’d imagined, “my name’s Minho Song, I’m new to this study group thing and I pretty much hate Psychology. I’m a Sports Science major.”

He reaches a hand out and she shakes it, “hi, I’m—“

Wait.

Minho?

Could it be—

Her Minho? The guy with whom she’d been exchanging messages with all this time?

No way. No. The world can’t be that harsh to punish her like that.

“I’m—uh—“ Nina’s mind blanks out. Shit. She needs a new name, “my name’s Na—Nana.”

His brow dips in a furrow and Nina quickly realizes that he knows her initials, “I mean—yeah Nana Liu! Yeah. That’s my name.” She laughs to hide her nervousness, “nice to meet you.”

He seems amused, at least, “you from here?”

“No I moved here after high school,” good. It doesn’t seem like he’s suspicious in the slightest, “what gave me away?”

“Your accent. You speak English with an accent I can’t place.”

“Ah yes, well—it’s not my mother tongue.”

“What is it then?”

“I speak French, normally.”

“French,” his eyebrows rise up, “interesting. How come you ended up in Korea?”

She shrugs while trying to calm down the wild beating in her heart, “I thought it’d be cool to live here.”

“And how is that turning out for you?”

“Uhm,” quite horrible but she can’t say that, especially not to a native Korean guy whom she just literally met a few minutes ago. Although, if this is the same guy from the notes, then —

But what’s the chance of having two Minho’s in the same course as her and who are majoring in Sports Science?

She tries to probe a bit further, “so…sports science huh?”

Thankfully, Minho provides her an immediate answer to her silent question, “I’m a swimming athlete. Got a scholarship to study here.”

“Ah. That’s cool.”

Shit. So she’s right. Her gut feeling never lies.

“And you?”

“I’m a marine biology major.”

“Guess we have one thing in common then.”

“Oh,” she cocks her head at him, “which is?”

“We both enjoy the sea, or the idea of it, anyway.”

“Okay guys,” Alex is quick to interrupt, “let’s focus on the work that needs to be done and we can get to know each other later, right?”

That shuts her right up, bringing back the reminder that this Minho is the same guy who’s trying to get her notes. Pompous, self-centered and insolent….somehow, this Minho standing before her doesn’t seem to add up to that same guy.

Nina manages to focus on the task at hand, pushing back her own personal feelings in order to get this assignment out of the way. Together, they discuss the ways in which Bulima and Anorexia are different and she really tries not put her focus elsewhere, stuffs it at the back of her mind like a secret she wishes to forget.

It's a long hour of work before Alex finally calls for a discussion. Then, he summarizes the content for the night before he lets them off, "remember," he calls out, "don't study by heart. Study first to understand."

"You done for the night?" Minho asks as they are packing up their bags.

Nina glances at him in surprise, "uh yeah. My classes are over. You?"

"I have this god awful swim practice I gotta get to," he tugs at his bangs in a manner so childlike she can't help but find endearing.

"Somehow, I'm very glad not to be in your place right now."

"That's because you haven't seen me swim."

Nina laughs, "I like the ocean, I'm not a big fan of swimming."

"Why not?"

"Well, nobody ever taught me how." She flushes upom realizing how sad that sounds, "well, it's not like an essential skill--"

"Uh I'm pretty convinced it's essential," he smirks at her.

"You're just biased because you're a literal mer-man."

"Merman?" Minho chortles, "oh god, haven't heard that one before."

it is only then that she realizes they're the only two left in the study room. She looks around, amazed that she had been so caught up in conversation that she'd barely heard any of the other students leave.

Minho seems to think so too as he slings his backpack over his shoulder, "let's get out of here."

"Do you like it?" Nina asks as they exit the library. The wind has picked up its pace, a lot colder as it whips across her face.

Minho shoots her a glance, "like what?"

"Swimming. Do you like it?"

There's a small pause. "I do."

"How...how does it feel? To swim?"

He takes his time to answer, “it feels…peaceful.” He looks at her then, eyes softening, “as if you’re the only one left in the world.”

Nina wonders how that feels like. And how, in context, is it defined as peaceful. Because she’s been alone and she feels like she’s alone despite being surrounded. And yet, peaceful is not the word that comes to mind.

“That sounds nice,” she murmurs absentmindedly, before spotting the gymnasium in the distance, “well, I guess that’s your stop.”

“Yeah,” Minho’s face creases into a soft smile, “I guess I’ll see you next study session. Don’t miss me too much.”

Nina chortles at that, “dream on, merman.”

——

A/N: second part is up!!! How did you find it?! Let me know your thoughts! Also, I’m creating a playlist for this small series so I’m open to any song suggestions that might fit this couple!

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divijohm · 6 months

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What musics the CP Girls would have in their playlists (+my playlists I think they could enjoy)

A/n: Did this so quick while I was wanting for the bus because I feel bad for leaving you guys without nothing for that long

Nina 💗🔪

Hello kitty - Jazmin Bean

Copycat - CircusP

Yandere - Jazmin Bean

I'm so crazy for youuu </3 - Rebzyyx

The Masochism tango - Tom Leharer

Dead girl walking - Heathers musical

Femme Fatale - Hypnosis Microphone D.R.B (I will not be writing the Japanese stuff lmao)

Bubble gum bitch - MARINA

Twisted - MISSIO

Candle Queen - Ghost and Pals, Silver chord music

I think my playlists she would enjoy are: Animation meme phase , weird kid nostalgia and Cemetery Girl

Jane 🔪🥀

Great Milenko - Insane Clown Posse

Apocalypse - Cigarettes after sex

Lolita - VIOLENT VIRA

Imma kill u - Insane Clown Posse

Feel good Inc. - Gorillaz

Perfume - Lovejoy (bc she's a softie deep down)

Swim - Chase Atlantic

Hayloft II - Mother Mother

Feel Better - Penelope Scott

Cigarettes out the window - TV Girl

I think my playlists she would enjoy are: June , Jugallo and Jaspen

Clockwork⌛🕰️

Wires - The neighborhood

Slow Down - Chase Atlantic

BABYDOLL - Ari Abdul

Sweat - ZYAN

Can Ghost Be Gay? - carpetgarden

P.U.N.K Girl - Heavenly

Orange Juice - Melanie Martinez

505 - Artic Monkeys

Blue Hair - TV Girl

Young & Dumb - Cigarettes after sex

I think my playlists she would enjoy are: bath time , Jaspen and your lips my lips apocalypse

#creepypasta #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta x reader #slenderverse #creepypasta girls #nina the killer #nina the killer headcanons #jane the killer is gay #jane the killer headcanons #Jane the killer #clockwork #clockwork headcanons #clockwork creepypasta #music #music taste #all of them are gay #quick ramble

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dcbnam-aep · 2 years

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Grishaverse as things my friends have said

*loud crashes and bangs* that was nothing- Jesper

you like that smell? it’s called victory- Kaz

Amen more like ahhhh men and ahhhh women- Nina

My family’s pretty sick but just like in the head- Darkling

I SHOULD’VE TRUSTED GOOGLE- Jesper

(offended) I know what kind of tree I am- Matthias

I wonder if my sneeze would be low pitched. Achooo- Wylan

Maybe you’re a hologram *Wacks Kaz* Nope you’re not a hologram- Jesper

*sad* You have another fluffy cow dealer?- Alina to Genya

It makes you a less organised sack of blood- Kaz (discussing ebola)

One of my sims has a crush on me and that would be cheating on my 2 wives, girlfriend and boyfriend- Nina

I can lose my innocence but I can not lose my virginity- Alina

I thought it was contemporary and then this bitch started talking about werewolves- Darkling

I’m too blind for murder wink- Kaz

Are you high on sleep deprivation?- Zoya (to Nikolai)

What are they talking about? Probably straight things- Nina & Jesper

Being competitive. AKA being a sore loser- Nikolai

I’m allowed to have a knife in my bag, I’m an art student - Wylan

I’m going to call it just a board instead of a whiteboard because we’re not racist here - Jesper

It doesn’t matter if I’m lesbian, I’m a catch - Genya

Gandalf, I am your father- Wylan

There’s always room in a lady’s stomach - Zoya

*talking about children* how do you contain your desire to just clock them (with actions) - Kaz

If I get shat on by a seagull I’m suing the city of Sydney - Nina

Friends?? Pfft no; more like free labour - Kaz

*whispers quietly* big words.... - Mal

I have the vocal range of a prawn - Zoya

Inej: Violence is never an answer

Kaz: Violence is always a considered answer but barely ever the chosen answer

happy valentines day you lonely lonely lonely single bastard- Zoya (to Nikolai)

Nina is too scared to watch horror movies but she is doing it for the gays - Inej

I’m not judgy, I’m just angry - Kaz

I just spent a long time projecting gay energy on purpose - Nina

You think I’m a murderer and cool; I love this game - Wylan

I have been stuck in this same kangaroo land for 15 years!!! - Jesper

*aggressively types* - Baghra

I’m getting blessed tonight, RIP that sinning ayyyyyyy - Nina

I walked into school and they told me i was moldy and am going to hell cause i am a ‘bad fruit of the spirit”... i was in year 1 - Nikolai

I don’t have enough hands to throw hands - Adrik

Bibbity bobbity bitch - Zoya

There was this guy who had a crocodile permit and he had a crocodile and then he got busted for drugs or something - Wylan

What’s sexy about writing, well Ernest Hemingway… - Mr Fahey

Nina: fuck Jesus

Matthias: no don’t fuck Jesus

Nina: ah yes fuck Mary

Inej: no don’t fuck Mary that defeats the entire point of Christianity

Nina: fuck virginity

*quietly* who has a knife kink? (it’s Kaz, obviously)- Jesper

Find another rebound red head - Alina

Somehow I end up adopting all the isolated gays - Kaz

You’re pretty to look at but I don’t want your penis inside of me - Nina

There are always endless options… in this world… like- u could be a dinosaur if u wanted. just kidding I wish u could- Alina

18 is a great age to fuck some French men………or women - Nina

Not even Sesame Street level of literacy here - Wylan’s dad

I was going to assume thats just pirate-core - Nikolai

I would be concerned if a lesbian on birth control got pregnant - Genya

It’s a great day to like women - Nina

We have to keep the babies room temperature- Inej

Mal: I don’t take insults from a potatoe

Nikolai: You spelt potato wrong

You’re like a Kmart model but not top of the range- Zoya

Sorry mum, I am too punk rock to pick up the groceries- Wylan

You have 24 carrot gold leg hair- Zoya to Genya

Cannibalism? Only if it is kosher.- Nikolai

I have so much banana I’m gonna be high on potassium bitches- Jesper

Kaz, you sleep deprived bean, go and sleep- Inej

I would google it but it’ll probably just tell me I have arm pit cancer- Genya

I have a very important question… about mens nipples - Jesper

*reads out bit of really quite gay writing* aNyWaY FrIeNdShIp vIbEs - Nina

Can we not talk about Smurf reproduction please - Matthias

She looks like she’s had a boob job. And trust me, I know, I like boobs- Nina

Jesper *yelling*: NINA SHES GOING ON A DATE

Inej: Jesper be quiet!!

Jesper *whisper shouting*: NiNa sHeS gOiNg On A dAtE

I need the warmth of your supple calf - Nina

Jesper: You know who’s hot… Scar from the lion king

Kaz: He’s a lion?!??

Wylan: A hOt lion..

*Alina stomping down the hall tired and lowkey grumpy, not wearing her glasses* Genya why do u look weird? Wait- glasses. *stomps back up hall*

Inej: Kaz r u taking Latin??

Jesper: I speak pig Latin

If your fingers are feeling kinda slimy, just wash them……its just…… dissolving your fingers (calm as ever) - Wylan

I used to be a VIG. Do u know what that means? A Very Important Greek (Grisha).- Zoya

Im not a whore, im tastefully slutty - Genya

*spends 5 minutes fannina-ing over a guy named Herby*- Nina

Do you really want to be worth the most though? Cause if youre worthless they wont sell you- Kaz

#grishaverse #shadow and bone #six of crows #nina zenik #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #alina starvok #matthias helvar #genya safin #nikolai lantsov #zoya nazyalensky #incorrect quote #incorrect shadow and bone #incorrect six of crows

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celestialcrowley · 5 months

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He sinks into that hug like his celestial life depends on it and clings to her jacket so tightly. It's grounding.

As promised, here’s another snippet from my current WIP, in which the demon Crowley accepts that he actually does need a friend and confides in Nina. And also in which Nina accepts the idea that celestial beings do in fact exist. It took a hundred years just to put these two paragraphs together. I’m still a shy bean.

It’s finally got a title. Memory Reboot.

Disclaimer: It’s not yet beta read. And I have no idea how to write drunken conversations, lol. If anyone has any pointers, please message me.

I love being enthusiastically shouted at, so I’m tagging: @johnlockbbc. I am still working on a tag list. If anyone wants to be added to it, let me know. 💚

Crowley glances to his left, rests his head against Nina's and sighs quietly. He can smell the wine on her, mingling with blended scents of coffee, tea and eccles cakes. It's almost overpowering to his serpentine senses, but he doesn't move away. He's feeling lots of things. Things that are much more prominent with the amount of alcohol he's consumed. Anger. Pain. Loss. Heartbreak. Loneliness. He can easily sober up, but he doesn't want to. He wants to suffer through it. Half of him says it's what he deserves, but the other half is telling him he's hurting so much because the love he has for Aziraphale is real. He wants to scream, cry, curse at God, at Satan, at somebody, but, in his drunken stupor, the only thing he ends up doing is rambling brokenly about Aziraphale to Nina.

Nina wraps her arms around Crowley and listens to him talk. She doesn't say much of anything, but he doesn't need her to. He sinks into that hug like his celestial life depends on it and clings to her jacket so tightly. It's grounding. "Six thousand years," he chokes out. "For six thousand years, I've loved him without realizing that's what it is. This is just a body," he hisses. "I shouldn't even be able to feel human emotions. Ngk, he's gone native." He spits the last word out, like it's poisonous before softening his tone. "Other people's love lives always seem so much more straightforward than our own. I'm a demon, and he's just an angel I know. It's not even right, but…" "You want it to be." Nina says it so quietly that he barely hears her. "So, why can't it?"

#good omens #crowley #aziraphale #nina #nina good omens #good omens fic #the ghost speaks

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galwithalibrarycard · 1 year

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Ninej AU Moodboards: Coffee Shop AU

Inej Ghafa is the manager at Corvid Coffee. It might be owned by her best friend and amicable ex Kaz Brekker as a front for his extra-legal activities, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to slack on making it the best shop it can be- any more than she’s going to slack when it comes to her other gig as an assassin. So clearly, she needs more help at the shop if she’s going to make this work.

The woman who answers her Help Wanted ad is like no one Inej has ever met before. Nina Zenik makes the best cappucino in Ketterdam, and has a knack for soothing customers’ lonely hearts. Maybe even… Inej’s own?

Image Description: A moodboard for a Coffee Shop AU of Nina x Inej, or Ninej. Top row: A picture of Inej (Amita Suman) wearing a green dress with white collar and sleeves and a gold sunburst design; a picture of a mass of brown coffee beans; a picture of the counter at a coffee shop, with decorative vases and a coffee machine visible. Middle row: an off-white square with thin black cursive writing saying “i heart you” but the heart is a hand-drawn image of a heart; a cup of coffee with a heart design in the foam, in white cup and saucer, on a brown tabletop; a silver metal backdrop with a red neon sign reading “Energy Flows Where Coffee Goes” in cursive. Bottom row: a White person from the neck down, wearing a plaid shirt under a brown apron and pouring water into a coffee filter from a metal teapot; a bakery counter at a coffee shop with menu boards above it; a picture of Nina (Danielle Galligan) squinting into direct sun with her chin propped on one hand.

#ninej #shadow and bone #six of crows #nina zenik #inej ghafa #inej x nina #ninejedit #my edits #coffee shop AU #i'm definitely writing this fic too

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sinigangsta-ao3 · 2 months

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"take her and run" | canonverse eremika ficlet

read on ao3

rating: teen pairing: eremika tags: canonverse; canon divergent; missing scene; character study

summary:

If this is a cruel trick, death would not suffice to save him from his feelings. Eren would need torture, unspeakable acts of violence that would render his soul less than human, that would punish him for even thinking he could receive a smidge of her generosity...

Eren asks a question; Mikasa provides an answer.

OR: a brief character study/exploration of the “what am I to you?” scene

#eremika #eremika fic #character study #what am i to you #nina-bean writing #my fics #self promo

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onwriting-hrarby · 1 year

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A dreadful night—Rivamika Month

Two months ago, Mikasa messed up. Although Levi reckons it was him who messed it up—drunk and sad because the series was coming to an end, they spilt secrets and confessions they shouldn't have. Now, while finishing the promotions for the series, they've been paired to do an interview together. Will they come over their discomfort and keep their cool, or will they drown in the memories of a dreadful night?

Read on AO3 now!

Ah, well, here we go! This was my entry for the Rivamika Month, and unknowingly, it ended up getting all of the themes inside. 11 days, 16k words and 2 hours and a half editing, it is done.

I am so incredibly anxious because this ship has always had pure gems in it, and everyone is so talented, and I don't think I've given them justice. But fanfiction it's all about exploring, and the actor alternative universe allowed me to put some personality onto them that are not typically from theirs—I promise that, when I write in canonverse, I will stay truer to their quirks.

I conceived it to be read in one-go, but since I guess that it can be long for some people, I split it into three chapters just for the sake of it!

Please, do not hesitate to tell me what you think! I hold all of you, rivamika artists, in such high regard :')

Also, tagging @nina-bean and @nuri148, who said they'd like to read it!

#levi ackerman #mikasa ackerman #rivamika #rivamika fanfiction #attack on titan fanfiction #rivamika month #actor au #eren jaeger messes up too

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boxwinebaddie · 4 months

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im OBSESSED with the idea of wlw tsot style truly genius wow

AHAHAHSAKHSDKHD!!!!! thank you, bestie! i love being a Genius!

jokes aside, last night, i was looking at the tsot concept, like really thinking hard, squinting at it like....whyyyyy....don't i like this? because idk, i personally think the tsot plot premise was badass, but maybe i am delusional, lmao -- that tracks for me. but deadass, i was like why am i not attached to this for some reason also?

...for some reason, the tsot style was never that enticing to me as a writer? and i thought it was because it was too complicated bc of the high fantasy elements...bc despite me masquerading as a genius i am a Fooking Imbecile like i am a court jester, the town FOOL...smh.

-- or even that it was...too sweet and wholesome for me??? because stan is so devoted to kyle in tsot and they are so in love. they're so cute? which is wonderful and all but i am an Angst Girlie, not in terms of reading fanfic ( yes, i do think its ironic that i write multi chapter slowburn style fanfics and only like to read fluffy oneshots where they get together at the end bc i'm impatient & cannot burn in hell )

tHEN THE SNOW DAY TRAILER CAME OUT AND I WAS LIKE????? EVIL STAN???? HEEEEELLLLOOOOOOO!!!!!! i am OBSESSED. that was an insane choice, i was so feral and i was like i need to write morally corrupted stan it's my duty as an angst queen -- which, you guys, i really think i was meant to write angst and hurt/comfort bc i was writing that lil ravesey drabble and i was like Levitating w/ energy i was so stoked omg i was having a BLAST...i love u, angst.

aN-KNEE-WAYZ! i developed that weird idea/tsot concept and i personally was fucking with it but i was still...not completely happy? and i couldn't tell why and it was pISSING ME THE FUCK OFF????

but now it makes sense...bc they are...Women, lol.

( okay, its uncle nina tsot idea info dump time! if you are rocking w/ me, ur welcome under the cut, please enjoy ur ncu toxic yuri <3 )

P.S. THIS IS VERY LONG -- VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

so i think stan...goes by stas? in the tsot universe. that just makes sense to me, i also don't want to get confused bc i've written style as boys for so long if i keep calling stas stan it will make my brain hurt. SO STAS, LOOOOL!!! which i think is short for...anastasia?

or something weirdly hyper feminine and stas hates it to death, also stassie or stasia is still 2 girlie, so she is kind of also not rocking w/ those...i like how gender neutral stas is. let me know if its not cute.

bUT ANYWAYS AGAIN!!! this post is really unhinged, it's 3 am where i am rn and i am being so crazy, i woke up being really insane abt this. so stas works at her family's inn to help her mom out w/ everything because shelley is kind of a hater and randy is...a menace to society. like when i say stas has to pull that waste of a man out of the tavern oR LIKE THE BROTHEL???? HELLO??? every goDDAMN NIGHT??? shes so mad. especially since he keeps BORROWING MONEY THEY CANT PAY BACK BC RANDY IS SPENDING IT ALL???? AND THE LOAN SHARKS ARE ABT TO FUCKING KILL ALL OF THEM?

eye...hate you so much, randy marsh. *stas vc* Burn In Seven Hells.

however, conversely, i do love stas, WHO IS AN IIIIICON!!!! a bicon if you will, she do be...lying awake having iMPUre thoughts of lying with women oodsfjodosjfpsojf, sins of the flesh lMAAAAOOOO!!!! down so bad like please get A LIIIIFE!!!!!! which she's like Trying, i see you baby!!!! but you know, she has to wear a dress ( she did steal her dads pants bee tee dubs bc its hard to run around in a long ass dress, she truly hates that shit bc its inconvenient as hell, smh ) but yeah she do be drinking plifered ale with the boys and having the worst posture and freaking burping the alphabet and being DISGUSTING????? when i tell you stas is so disgusting...smh. she is giving bean from disenchanted if anyone has seen that show like really and truly. xx

which is SO FUNNY???? because, like all my ncu stans, stas is an uncanny level of beautiful like SSSOOOOOOO PRETTY??? like it is truly INSANE, men be OOGLING her which ew so Much!!! bc A Scurb Is A Guy Who Thinks He's Fly But IS ALSO KNOWN AS A BUSTAAA!!! i think like ravenstan pre!rm boys were just kind of weirdly obsessed w/ her and trying to ask for her hand in marriage all the time like belle from beauty in the beast and she was like ahhhh hell nah KHDSLd.

also, working at the inn she has to deal with tHE MOST ANNOYING FUCKING MEN IN THE WOOOOORLD!!! they are like "you! tavern wench! fetch me some ale!" and she's like pls go fuck yourself but she's also So Nice like all my stans so she's like...Of Course, Sir.

maaaan, W!H!A!C!K!

i think like knights and stuff come and go staying at the inn and she's just like...sigh...that's so fucking COOL, wish that were me! LAME!!! like she literally is not allowed to fight bc SHES A GIRL!!! SO WHACK! she does have dreams abt it...like she does abt women and temptations of the flesh...stas...whack off or something, my GOD!!! nasty girl behavior, i am fucking crying, i love girl failure stas. Based.

i think she secretly kind of works down at the forge with tolkiens dad, btw, i think tolkiens name is...tolkien...blacksmith? lol so much guys. also !~ala pep~ they do still have a crazy rivalry...love my life. i think there is DRAMA during the Challenge Of Champions abt kylie. WHO STAS DOES NOT LIKE RIGHT AWAY BUT I DIGRESS!!!

so stas helps down at the forge bc she thinks swords are so cool. like she is obsessed and i think she makes a lot of armor and swords and stuff but she's not allowed to use them, obvi...and just has to hand them off to idiot men who should Go Die In A War lmaoooo!!! and it sucks so bad...her handiwork is beautiful, btw. i think she's made some shit that ended up at the broflovski castle they just Don't Know.

i am...talking abt this too much when i tell you i got Really Into It. so the RUFFIANS show up and they're abt to kill stas’ family but they give stas One More Day to come up with the money so she rides off ON SPARKY!!!! I LOVE YOU HORSE SPARKY!!!! to the disgraced high wizards castle who obviously...thinks stas is fucking pathetic and is like i quite literally do not give a fuck...ur whole family can choke? and is going to kill her but then...realizes stas is EXTREMELY GIFTED with the sword and is like...hm...i can use you. ;))))) lmao and stas basically has no choice bc if not they will literally slaughter her fam.

soooooo stas basically she ends up enrolled in the Challenge Of Champions which is literally so fucked??? like everyone is about to die, if i end up writing the fic, it's gonna be BRUTAL and very bloody and horrifying, just fyi, so sorry. also stas cuts her hair hella short to pass as a boy and there is a very iconique mulan-esqe montage of her stealing her dads clothes and kissing sharon on the head and riding off to an uncertain fate...leaves a crytic note or no warning? its very depressing stas...loves sharon so bad, she misses her mom. :(((

also i think when she rolls up and is in the camp w/ all the other challenge of champion competitors and contestants, they are like...so what is ur name and shes abOUT TO SAY STAS BC SHES SO FUCKING STUPID LOL I HATE MY LIFE and is like st---aaaaaan??? LOLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!! and does the medieval version of the nervous bisexual finger gun jazz hand combo i am in PAIN. and they are like...okay? i guess? weirdo? they do think stas is so weird that whole time, she does have a lot to prove AND SHE DOES BITCH!!!! they respect the hell out of her later bc she is WIPING THE COMP, BABY!

which, speaking of stas passing as a boy...i actually do not think she is trans like ravenstan is? i think she is just Really Masc? and likes a lot of traditionally masculine activities and having short hair and doesn't reject the idea of being a woman but thinks its stupid that She personally gets rejected and is not allowed to do things she likes because they reserved exclusively for Men! stas vs. the patriarchy! listen i think raven would fuck w/ stas so heavy she would Scare Him though, like she is Powerful for a human.

i do think she is lowkey ripped like....HEEEELLLOOOOO???

kylie get ur jaw off the floor bestie!!!! STAND UP!!!!

running joke in tkak, i think, that everyone is like...squints...u know u are...like very beautiful for a man? you are kind of the most beautiful man i've ever seen like you are honestly pretty enough to be a girl? and she's like...ahsshahhaa thank you? my mom does tell me i'm kind of like having a boy daughter sometimes...ALSO THAT MADE HER SO DEPRESSED BC SHE WAS THINKIN ABOUT SHARON AND SHE WAS LIKE WHAT FUCK I HATE IT HERE bc i think sharon thinks shes dead or something bc she rode off & just disappeared completely?

okay, moving onto kylie...i am OBSESSED with her also!!! i got a little less on her, but stas is kind of the protag rn so it makes sense? but so when i was developing tkak At First, i gave ky...Reeeeally Long Hair bc i am obsessed w giving kyle really beautiful curly long hair ( jersey my beloved please kiss me on the lips ). she also ONLY has her hair up like for most of the fanfic? in REALLY ELABORATE hairdos?

like the handmaidens do her hair every morning and put that shit up and it does take forever which is suuuuch a pain in the ass ( yes kylie do be dummy thicc like actual kyle...i actually do not think stas has to bind tbh bc shes always in the armor and the really flowy tunic and riding pants and the boots w the short ass hair ( WHEN I TELL YOU SHE IS FINE I MEAN THAT LIKE PPL DIED!!! LITERALLY!!!! )

...she also has zero boobs i gave stan no ass and i think its only fair that stas has zero boobage...but when i tell you...oh my goodness oh my damn...kylie in the corset thing w her biddies pushed up to heaven...stas is abt to throw up constantLY!!!! DOOOOOWN SO HORRENDOUS LIKE PLEASE GO TO HELL!!!!! sooo funny. i have been laughing typing this whole goddamn ask meme, i'm screaming!

stas lying awake at night in a cold sweat bc Women...jaaaaaaail smh.

speaking of women, kylie is like 100% a lesbian like it just tracks bc all my kyles are super mega gay. people don't know about it, they only know that she hasn't taken a husband yet and that her dad keeps trying to set her up with these stupid ass idiot men from other kingdoms and she quite literally drives them away bc shes so SCARY. all my kyles are so scary, kylie is no exception like they call her the tempest bc she is literally so frightening. men run away screaming.

tbh gerald is so serious about her being princessy and hidden away in the castle...when i was developing tkak again and i gave ky the long hair and gerald was constantly having it put up with no exceptions like she is not allowed to be seen by anyone w her hair down? and i was like is it bc kyle...just has long hair and is kind of a little femme? idk? but LISTEN IT ALL MAKES SENSE TO ME NOW BECAUSE ITS ACTUALLY BC GERALD THINKS KYLES MERIDA HAIR IS UNBECOMING OF A WOMAN AND HES A MOTHERFUCKER AND MAKES HER CONFORM THE STANDARDS OF BEING REFINED.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! IS ANYONE ELSE SCREAMING???

oof...the day stas sees kylie w/ her hair down...the homoeroticy...its gonna be so crazy, the tension is going to be so intense omg.

okAY SPEAKING OF THE TOXIC YURI TSOT STYLE...they do hate eachother. kylie specifically hates humans bc sheila is dead in tkak..smh...she was also killed by humans...so kylie HATES humans. she is also really spoiled and coddled and Baby. and stas is tough and worked for everything in her life and is hard as a motherfucker i love you so bad stas...she's so cooooooolll!!! but yeah they bicker a lot. btw...kylie is short in the ncu tsot and stas is tall like i think there is a whole dialogue where stas is like i just never thought that the princess of all kingdoms who possesses all that power would be soooo....and kylie is like? enchanting? radiant? ravishing? beautiful? and shes like...Little. KHDLKHDSLK LOOOOOL IM CRYING HELP.

i am talking so much i'm so sorry guys but i said the tsot toxic yuri was like mulan and it so is...its also like Tangled, which are the two best disney movies which fuck you so much disney! free palestine!

but i digress again and i will explain myself because you know how i am; i do not put anything out unless i feel strongly about it. so kylie does not want to engage in ~Princessy Stuff~ mostly bc its whack and she is not trying to belong to a man like Property? but its also because...She Wants To Be A Doctor. <3333

i was thinking too hard about ship in a bottle kyle being the ships sawbones and pep kyle ripping stans throat open to save his life and i was like...doctor!kylie! but obvi...its very frowned upon...women cannot be doctors...Princesses Cannot Be Doctors. she also is nooot allowed to leave the palace bc of sheilas assassination, aaaaalso bc shes a woman...are we sensing a theme here? men suck.

but okay, so stas passes pretty well for a man...also her voice is really raspy and husky WHEEEW ONE CHANCE STAS!!! but obvi when kylie finds out stas is a girl, she says something funny like By Gods! By All The Seven Hells You Are Woman! and stas is like oooooooooofffffffff!!! pleeeease don't send me to the gallows i can explain ( she cannot explain she is supposed to kill kylies dad ) but kylie is like...i will let you live...Human Girl...on one condition...( stas is like u have to be fucking shitting me bc like this is the second time this shit has happened to her...smh ) anYWASAYS!!! kylie is like on one condition...u sneak me past the palace walls and let me see the outside world.

aGAIN STAS HAS NO CHOICE so she's like...Sigh...okay. and i think they have a wizard friend in the castle who charms kylie to look like a boy ( respectfully my ladyship she is so Well Endowed in the chest area and very femme so she cannot pass as a boy like stas can...rip so sorry ) so she can sneak out and not get caught BUUUT!!! the magic only lasts so long so she has to be back like within the hour? stas takes kylie to kupa keep at some point and its...very cute. pls clap.

LAST THING THIS IS THE VERY LAST THING I SWEAR YOU GUYS! so it's called to kill a king bc stas is supposed to kill gerald and not kylie which...stas does avoid asking abt it later bc shes in love with her i hate my life...but its bc she cannot ascend the throne bc shes a girl. again, i hate everything. choke and die gerald. WHICH WITH ANY HOPE!!! HE WILL!!!! MAYHAPS! but cartman is like nahhh i do not rlly care abt killing her she's not a threat?

but then she IS A THREAT bc she's getting in the way of the assassination attempt and stealing the piece of the stick of truth cartman needs to be all powerful and evil so cartman is like just kidding ur gonna have to kill her bestie, she's pissing me off. so he has stas...SLOWLY POISON HER??? w/ some kind of mushroom concoction that goes in her daily tea? and kylie is like oh! thank u stanley...but i think she knows stan is stas at that point bc theyre friends mayhaps...BUT ITS SLOWLY MAKING HER SICK. which is hard to notice bc its really slow to avoid suspicion, kylie is also super chronically ill...she has some sort of Illness the whole fic that makes her kind of weak and frail even tho her mind is strong to mimic kyles diabetes in sp? BUT OOOOOOF I HATE MY LIFE EVERYTHING SUX.

anyways for the 7934709324 time! STYLE TOXIC YURI!!!!

what do we think gayng??? are we rocking w it? *sweats*

-uncle nina, who has to stop coming up w/ crazy au ideas

p.s. i might...accidentally misgender stas and kylie or use stan or kyle by accident when answering questions...if i get them...bc i'm so used to my styles being masculine and boys. so if y'all could be patient with me, i'd really appreciate it bc *stas vc* I Am Only Human.

#I TALKED SOOOO MUCH ABOUT THIS #i went crazy stupid i fucking love the toxic style yuri sm #as a crazy bisexual bitch who wants a scary wendy testaburger gf this thrills me so much ( i fumbled airport girl so bad dont look at me )#i love stas and kylie so much #also i hope we like my weird stas name choice i refused to have her go by...*wretches* sh*n or sh*nnon bc its rm!stans deadname #actually hideous its also not that cute #i think stas is cute and also its four letters like stan <3 #fair warning she does have to go by stan like most of the fic which is whack but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do #which is assassinating the king of all kingdoms #and his annoying but mega fine daughter #when i tell u stas is down so bad like bestie my eyes are up here!!! i am crying she b losing her train of thought often #she do be getting whacked in the face by her lance and walking into walls STARING...go to jail stas...horny girl max security dungeon #BUT ANYWAYS DO WE THINK THIS IS COOL I THINK THIS IS SO COOL I AM SO FUCKING STOKED ON IT #me: BY THE GODS!!! WHAT IN SEVEN HELLS #i'm sorry if this was way too much information i got really excited i hope u are also hooked and excited #UNCLE NINA TSOOOOOOOOT

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