#if actually a much stronger act of love than searching for your reflection in everyone you meet.

[shorthaltsjester]

taliesin and laura remain truly so fantastic at making characters who… don’t necessarily have something extremely and inherently in common but do have experiences that were caused by similar sources and that lead them to have quite different opinions/ideas about things but in ways that are typically very reconcilable? which is a lot of qualifiers but it’s a through line of vex/percy with nobility, jester & cad with loneliness (and also god stuff but in a different post maybe someday i’ll talk about how actually their god stuff is intensely related to their different experiences of loneliness), and now imogen & ashton with being left behind.

like vex was this character who technically had a claim to nobility due to her blood but at the same time was burdened because of that same claim. and percy who was born into and raised by nobility but that nobility ended up making his family the targets of a massacre. and then vex who lets down her walls and Do I Look Like I Come From Money? and percy giving her the title grand mistress of the grey hunt because it has nothing to do with blood, or his love for her, or anything aside from the fact that it’s something she can prove herself worthy of simply by virtue of who she Is, not who someone makes her. and percy and vex’s conversation about forgiveness and it’s necessity for growth as probably two of the characters most inclined to hold grudges.

and caduceus clay who gets left behind with nothing but his Belief while his family goes off into the world. and jester lavorre who gets shut inside with no company except her Belief as her mother protects her from the world. and they both get the burden of loneliness and the understanding of love’s nonmalicious imperfection. and caduceus having a panic attack on a ship and jester telling him that the world is a lot bigger than his cemetery and that means he has to break out of his comfort zone to find his path. and caduceus telling jester that he doesn’t think she gets as much credit as she ought to and she deserves more pastries. and jester thanking caduceus for showing her how cool it is to actually heal people and caduceus asking if she wants to use his shield while he doesn’t need it.

and ashton who was left broken and dying on the ground and was given inescapable pain as their means of survival. and imogen who was left behind by the only person who could provide true understanding of the pain she’d one day come to feel. and ashton who’s a barbarian, who wields their rage casually and unapologetically and who sees the Shittiness of the world but is unrelenting in his version of optimism. and imogen who is weighed down by pessimism she doesn’t Want to have but hasn’t cracked how to undo and who doesn’t admit her anger until it comes up again and again and again and carries it like a burden or like guilt, who we only see really Grasp and feel Confidence about her anger being something good in front of others when she has those conversations with ashton. and like. ashton who looks at imogen and sees a superhero. imogen venturing through ashton’s mind and holding his bleeding and exhausted head and saying i’m sorry. i’m sorry. and imogen who looks at ashton and sees someone special. and fucking “we got him killed.” and “no, we didn’t. don’t you dare. […] we are not what fucking killed that man. […] we are his eventual victory. we are his fucking revenge.” and “i’ll be his revenge.” and “i have no fucking doubt.”

and in general rp wise they both tend to make some of my favourite characters (also typically the ones i find most frustrating) because they both tend to make flaws that are easy to hate and they make those flaws very central to their characters but i think that’s also what makes their character interactions so deeply compelling because so frequently it’s like. yes yes these two characters have like. a helix of things they have in common but also things they deeply disagree on but they’re going to spider-man point at the things that are the same and they’re going to honour their differences while doing so. and it’s just. i always enjoy it so much and i was psyched when i heard about an imogen and ashton side pit stop in last nights episode and i was not let down when i watched the episode today.

#also gotta emphatically say that i Do Not Mean their characters understand each other better than others or completely #i just think those two consistently have characters that have opinions that would perhaps naturally be the most at odds but then #they always craft these dynamics that like. web together pieces of sameness so that their characters end up having deeply #meaningful relationships with one another. #but like. ashton and imogen really do Not get each other in a lot of ways. cad and jester were very opposite in a lot of ways #percy and vex i think probably had the most in common but also like . they had and have vast differences . #idk this probably is worth a longer post that lingers in my brain about how relationships between characters whether romantic or not #are actually Much more compelling and rewarding when characters Don’t just click and have perfect matching experiences #because. to have to Choose to want to understand someone and what they’ve experiences and why they differ from you #if actually a much stronger act of love than searching for your reflection in everyone you meet. #someday i’ll string together that post but. until then. tal and laura my beloveds. storytelling duo truly #cr3 #cr2 #jester lavorre #imogen temult #vex’ahlia #caduceus clay #ashton greymoore #percy de rolo #cr1 #critical role #cr spoilers #no molly and jester input here because i haven’t watched early m9 in a Long time but. i’m sure there’s similar scenes in there. #honestly even like. jesters Earnestness with her still manipulative trickery vs. mollys much more . not necessarily Cruelness but just. idk #there’s something there with the way that when they meet jester is all in for the tarot cards for the experience that they both get out #of her choosing to believe what molly says vs molly going in to get something out of jester? yk. #but they’re still bestie icons. jester still tears a man in half in the hopes of saving molly. molly still died trying to help get her back. #anyway. beloveds #laura bailey #taliesin jaffe

[animehideout]

Hi, how u doin'?

Well, so I thought of this: reader was an UA student and she was in class 1-A with everyone when Bakugou was kidnapped — and so was she. But, for some reason, only Katsuki was rescued by the heroes that night and no one could find the poor reader so they thought she was dead. Years later, however, she shows up out of the blue but with a little surprise for her former friends; she's now a villain and best friends if u know what I mean with Dabi.

Love your writing! ♡

a\n : here's your request I hope you enjoy it and thanks for requesting <3

Title: Cursed Touch

words count: 3615

warnings: angst ending

Ps: sorry about the mistakes it's because of the keyboard and because i type then i delete or change somethings.

Check out happy ending here 💙

How does it feel to be the unlucky one getting kidnapped by the League of Villains ? honored because you present a threat to the villain or scared because you may not make it alive. “At least I have Bakugo with me” you said to yourself then shook your head “I shouldn’t rely on others, not this time” you thought. You’ve been always insecure about your abilities, about your quirk and the way you fight. Of course you want to be the number one hero one day but you’ve always underestimated your potential, you thought that you don’t stand a chance when Shoto Izuku and Bakugo take all the light spots. Your quirk is dangerous you can make someone suffer physically, you can both increase or decrease the pain depending on your emotions and all of that happens when you touch your target. You’re still learning how to control it so you don’t activate it at the wrong timing in order to not harm innocent people including your friends and teachers. Well about your friends you don’t really have them, let’s say only a few people including Izuku and Uraraka. Both of them treat you nicely and believe that you’ll be able to control it one day. However others, they’re either scared to approach you( because many accidents happened in the past) or bullying you Bakugo and Sero they call you cursed touch. You hated the fact that they’re the reason to you being insecure all the time but you still tried your best to be a hero. “I’m warning you for the last time you know that the heros will arrive soon ! THEY’LL CRUSH YOU ALL” said Bakugo smirking clearly not scared of any of the villains gathered in front of you both. “calm down explosion boy, we only want to talk both of you will miss great opportunities if you don’t join us ” said Shigaraki giving Dabi a look. Dabi nodded and approached you “c’mon let’s take you somewhere else” in contrast to Bakugo you were clearly terrified, Dabi gave you soft looks guiding you to another place. “ LEAVE HER ALONE “yelled Bakugo standing up from his seat only to receive a punch “I said calm down we only need to separate you” “Y\N I’LL SAVE YOU I PROMISE” you looked at Bakugo tears gathering in your eyes but you tried to hold them back “ save me from who Katsuki huh? From you? What makes you different from? Villains harm others physically but who damages others mentally huh? YOU DID !” you screamed , you’ve never liked Bakugo, at first you were excited you wanted to be friends with all of them but they only pushed you away you grew hating on him because of his harsh words that pierced holes through your heart. “I hate you Bakugo but I promise I’ll be able to save myself so no need to help me” you added, he only stared at you blankly, did you really just say that? Did his words really hurt you that much? Shigaraki looked at Dabi both smirking , the hate inside you is able to turn you into a villain. You walked your way through the hallway with Dabi turning your back to Bakugo. Thoughts rushed in your mind, did you do the right thing by saying that? Will you be able to save yourself? You were busy thinking when Dabi spoke “ Do you hate him that much?” you ignored him “ it’s okay to feel that way, sometimes hatred is not a bad thing because it unlocks a strength in you “he added, you looked at him frowning “are you trying to comfort me?” he chuckled and said “well let’s say I felt the same way a long time ago” “huh what do you mean?” “I mean when I expressed my hatred toward someone, I felt free and strong because I faced them” you looked down realizing that you actually felt free the moment your harsh words left your lips, “I don’t why I-“ “why you let them inside for a long time and didn’t face him sooner ?” you stared at him in shock you were about to say the same words “h-how did y-you know?” “because we feel the same *he smiled* and I assure you it’s was the right moment it’s because of the accumulation of feelings or bad ones to be specific” you nodded and looked down, “his words make sense” you thought to yourself. “where are we going now?” you said breaking the silence once again “ hum a more private place

so we can talk” “why didn’t we talk there?” “because you and Bakugo have different mind sets he’s blinded by the idea of being a hero” “I WANT TO BE A HERO TOO” you yelled and stopped walking “hey hey relax, being blinded by something is actually a bad thing cause it makes him neglect greater opportunities! oh here we are please sit so we can talk “ “don’t ever try to convince me because I-“ “please just listen to me first then I promise I’ll let you choose your destiny” “huh? You’ll set me free?” “y-yes I will” “is this the plan of the very know League of Villains?” “the thing i-ss that it’s m-my plan! They don’t know about it” “and what if I’m not convinced and run away what would you tell them” “they already know your quirk and how powerful it is so no one can blame me” he said avoiding your eyes. Your eyes widened are you really that powerful does he mean that you’re actually stronger than Bakugo. That was all what you can think about. Not gonna lie but his words boosted your confidence, no one made you feel confident before all of the other made you feel weak and passive . you hesitantly asked him “do you think i would surpass him?” “you are already! That’s why others are bullying and avoiding you because they know you’re better than them” said Dabi giving you a soft smile, you smiled to yourself no one appreciated you this way before, not even your family “then why do they win and I lose?” “because of fear, they made you think that you’re not able to win to the point that you started doubting your quirk” “it was their plan from the beginning” you said “ I really hate them” you whispered “ did the teachers try to defend you once?” he asked so you shook your head in disappointment “ they only gave me pitiful looks that I don’t need I know they instructed me to how to control my quirk bbut- “ “some people are not meant to be heroes “ he said and topped for a moment approaching you and grabbing your hand “ because they’re meant to be something greater that would lead them to glory “ he added squeezing you hand “w-why are you doing this? Why are being good to me?” you said your eyes not leaving his , he looked away and said “b-because I can relate to you I feel that we’re connected in some way” “h-how?” he took a deep breath and added “because I like you (y\n )” you looked at him in disbelief “please don’t lie to me! Why would you like someone like me? Besides we just met! “ “no maybe you just met me but I feel like I know you very well it’s like you’re a reflection of me, I can relate to your pain , your anger and hatred besides I appreciate you and your quirk you’re really strong and special and that’s catchy ” his words shocked you as much as it made you happy. It was the first time someone holds your hands without being scared of your ‘cursed touch’, it was the first time someone calls you strong instead of ‘so damn weak’ and it was the first time someone confess to you. It was all new, and you liked it. Dabi pulled his hands “ I won’t force in anything, if you choose to leave I’ll make sure to the villains away from you even though I know that you’re able to take all of them down “ he said and looked away sad expressions drawn on his beautiful scarred face “ but I really hope you don’t miss your opportunity to shine” you bit your lower lip, it wasn’t easy for you to take a decision especially under such circumstances. What if Dabi is lying to you? But he’s the only one who made you happy after all this time but his expressions were convincing and why would a cold villain like him act vulnerable in front of you. You took a few steps towards him and finally said “I’m in” his eyes immediately lit up and hugged you tightly “thank you for trusting me , I promise you’ll never regret this” you pulled away “ a-about your feelings-“ “it’s okay take your time I’ll wait for you” he said smiling again. *meanwhile* “sensei what about her?” said Bakugo worriedly “ don’t worry young Bakugo we’ll find her and bring her back safe” “what if that bastard kills her? I would never forgive myself” “shh young Bakugo she’ll be safe and

we need you to be safe now go and join your friends they all rushed to save you” he nodded a left that place joining Deku, Kirishima and the others then went to the dorms. “if something happens to her I would never forgive myself even if she forgives me” said Bakugo to himself wiping a tear. Two weeks passed and none of the heroes could find you, they searched everywhere but for nothing, there’s no trace no hint of you. Everyone started losing hope of finding you and started spreading rumors of you being killed by the League of Villains. Meanwhile you were working on your quirk with Dabi. He helped you a lot and took care of you all the time. The others treated well too but you only trusted Dabi, he was your safe place. He made everything much easier . and comfortable and you were slowly falling for him without realizing it. You were busy with him and Shigaraki working on some plans for your next target when Toga entered the room laughing and “ haha(y\n) they really thought we killed you” all of you looked at her “huh what do you mean?” “quickly turn the TV on” ‘A UA student kidnapped and killed by the League of Villains’ said the host ‘is the UA still able to create heroes? Because apparently your students aren’t even able to use their quirks to defend themselves’ asked the host looking at All might ‘ and why didn’t you search the whole city?’. Your face dropped did they really give up on you? did they really thought you’re weak and unable to defend yourself? Are you a disappointment? when Dabi noticed your sad face he quickly shut the TV before hearing All might’s statement . “ don’t mind them they’re wrong and they’ll regret it” said Shigaraki. You couldn’t face anyone especially Dabi so you left the room before breaking down into tears. “ ah Dabi you should teach her the villain spirit as soon as possible we can’t handle emotion here” exclaimed Shigaraki in annoyance. Dabi left the room to find you. He found you on the rooftop crying “(y\n)!!”you quickly wiped your tears but you couldn’t hide the redness and the puffiness “and managed to say “I hate them all” , “c-can I hold you?” said Dabi sitting next to you, you sniffed and nodded getting closer to him. His arms strongly held you to his chest, he played with your hair to help you relax a bit “you’re so good to me” you said out of the blue “ I can’t thank you enough” “ hey hey listen! They’ll regret what they said, they’ll regret underestimating you. All of them that host , your teachers , your classmates…they’re not worth your tears because soon you’ll make them cry in pain” he said proudly. At first you opposed the idea of causing serious injuries but after seeing the rumors and people’s reactions you realized that who you thought were innocent in the past are now you’re enemies “yes I will”you said as you tightened your grip around Dabi’s waist. The sun was setting and the breeze was refreshing everything was perfect especially you being in Dabi’s arms. You realized how much you needed this feeling in your life, how much you are touch straved and how much you needed only his touches. You pulled away and said “I’m sure I can do this Dabi I can make them suffer but I want you to be by my side…a-always” he grabbed your chin and looked at you, you got lost in his eyes “Dabi I love you” without hesitation he kissed you, his lips were soft sucking on your lower lip. You closed your eyes giving up to the sweet feeling, his hands rubbed your waist up to your chest and landing on your neck pulling you even closer. Your hands are lost in his hair tugging the soft strands. The kiss was passionate it was a mix of love, anger, sadness, happiness. Both of you finally pulled away breathless, breathing heavily and looking deeply at each other “wow” he said you blushed at his reaction “s-so we’re together now?” you asked playing with your hands “yes we are..and we’ll forever be” he answered flashing each other bright smiles. Months passed and you’re getting more and more into the villains’ work, you quickly learned all the rules and started thinking like them. Your

relationship with Shigaraki and the others got better and you put a bit of trust in them. You helped them setting evil plans like robbing places, kidnapping hostages and threatening people but you never showed your real identity you kept it for the big day as the other villains call it. The day where all of you will break into UA and set it on fire including all the teachers and students. You used your quirk perfectly actually it is more powerful. Training with Dabi improved your skills a lot “tch stupid teachers they didn’t see potential in me they only focused on that idiot Bakugo and Deku, now I can lift them and their audacity” you said to yourself wiping the sweat. You committed a lot of crimes along with Dabi, you were the badass duo pairing up together on each mission taking down people together, robbing and setting places on fire. It’s been a year now and tomorrow is the big day, after a lot of training after many tears whenever you remember your old self but also after many happy moments with your partner Dabi after many nights spent together feeling each other up, he made you feel like no one else on this planet finally you were ready to take down the place where you hoped to be the number one hero one day but look at you now. You looked at your reflection in the mirror and said “ you can do it (y\n), you’ll show them who’s the strongest “ a said smile drawn on your face, will you be able to hurt people that were a big part in your life? You were again spacing out when Dabi tapped your shoulder “we’ll do it together” you nodded then both of you laid on bed trying to sleep before starting the big mission. *In the morning* Dabi pecked your lips “ you’re ready babygirl?” “yeah”. You’ll be the first one to get into UA then you’ll help others to get in. you waited until everyone gathered then entered, the security guard was shocked to see you “ hello”you smiled “ long time no see “ he approached you to shake your hand “oh my god It’s nice to see you again (y\n) tell me what happened” “I’m sure you’ll know very soon sir” you smirked shaking his hand making him fall on the ground growling in pain he held his knees to his chest “please s-stop” “ I can’t I’m too lazy to inactivate my quirk” “p-plea-“ but before he can finish it he fainted. You’re quirk was too unbearable. You sent Dabi a message informing him to get in. Now you’re in the center of the school, you took you’re hood off and said “HELLO EVERYONE” everyone looked at you in shock. After a year? You came back? How did you escape the villains? Everyone rushed towards you hugging you “so now they’re acting like they care” you said to yourself while flashing them an innocent smile ”(y\n)”said Bakugo “you’re alive! “ he added and rushed towards you giving you a warm hug. You would be the happiest if they did that before, if they cared before, but it’s too late now. You waited for the right moment to affect them all with your quirk “young (y\l\n)” said All might rushing towards you “are you okay? I’m so proud of you! you fought alone” he added “glad to see you again” said Aizawa. “yes I’m okay, I’m alive” you stopped for a moment “ but soon all of you will be dead” you added giving them a cold stare, in less than a second everyone was on the ground hissing in pain most of them started crying begging you to stop “p-please!” “HELL NO I WONT STOP DO YOU KNOW THE PAIN I FELT WHEN I WAS A STUDENT HERE? ANSWER ME! HAH OF COURSE YOU WONT CAUSE YOU NEVER CARED” you said then the other villains joined you “ good job (y\n) !” exclaimed Shigaraki “what?” said Bakugo “h-how ? how could you do that? You joined them? You forgot about your friends and teac-“ “you did Bakugo! All of you did! Why are you putting all the blame on me huh? You didn’t even bother looking for me, I’m sure you didn’t even cry over the stupid rumors, and now enjoy mu ‘cursed touch’” “no we did all of us did” said Deku through pain, your heart ached a bit at his sight he was the only one beside Uraraka who treated you well. “ young (y\l\n) your friends spent days and nights looking for you they never

gave up on you, they all had hope that you’re alive , especially Bakugo they even encountered many of who you consider now friends ” you doubted his words a bit “then how come I didn’t know about-“ you stopped when you realized you looked back at Dabi and the others “ you knew about it?” “TELL HER YOU SCARRED FACE YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU KILLED HER”yelled Shoto “D-dabi? “ you looked at him in shock “w-why didn’t you tell me? You said that you’re not keeping secrets from the person you love” you said your voice cracking “WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME DABI?” “are they dating?” said shoto in disbelief , everyone trying to process the situation through the pain you planted in their boodies “haha person I love?” laughed Dabi “it’s not the first time lying to you babygirl you were too madly in love with me to be blinded like that”he added in an offensive tone you took a step towards him “D-dabi what do you mean? I thought you loved me you said I’m too special and-“ “and you fortunately believed it” “poor girl” said Shigaraki “you expect him to love a desperate UA student?” “your quirk is too powerful too strong that we needed it so bad” said Dabi “and after committing many crimes that we longed for and after reaching this point you’re useless” you stared blankly you hated the sympathy looks that you received from the teachers and students “I’ve never loved and I’ll never will such a fool *looked at you coldly* you really expected a villain like would love a stupid UA girl like you “ “how dare you?” you said in tears “I lost my friends, teachers and dream to be with you-“ “trust me even if you stayed at UA that lame dream of yours would never be achieved, you have the strongest quirk yes but you don’t have the potential, you’re too naïve to the point that we abducted you cause we knew you’re an easy target, easy to manipulate…villains hacks“ he laughed earning laughs from the others , at this point you tried to slap to Dabi but he dodged you making you fall on the ground “Not gonna lie that I had my fun with that delicate body but overall it was the worst year of my life ..stuck with you”. The effect of your quirk decreased, it was guided by your emotions and at that moment you felt weak and broken hearted. Eventually your quirk was inactivated; your body couldn’t handle or control it. The teachers and students were finally able to stand up and the fight began between the Heroes and the Villains. Everything around you moved in slow motion. You stared at the blurry scene in front of you because of all the tears. You collected yourself and left them fighting not able face the people you betrayed and not able to hurt the man you loved. You left everything behind trying to forget about what happened. You realized that you’re not meant to be neither a hero nor a villain you can just be a broken fool who believed a big lie called love.

#bnha oneshots #bnha imagines #mha x y/n #dabi x reader #bakugo x y/n #bnha masterlist #shoto imagines #bakugo imagines #dabi imagines #dabi headcanons #bakugo headcanons #kachaan imagines #my hero academia #dabi x y/n #katsuki bakugo imagine #touya todoroki #touya x you #my hero academia shinsou #katsuki bakugo x reader

[ddaehyeon]

hydra - people have a tendency to experience whatever emotions their soulmate have pent up inside them.

send me a member and a constellation!

— pairing: kang seungsik + gn!reader

— genre: hurt/comfort, soulmate au

— word count: 1.2k words

— warnings: mentions of anxiousness, sadness, loneliness and rejections

— extra note: the live clip of carry on,,, wonderful

— requested by: @starrycrvty ☆ victon masterlist ;  taglist form

leaning back to the wall, a sigh left seungsik’s lips. the stars in the night sky reflected on his eyes, creating a galaxy on his own orbitals. a gust of wind blew by, enticing chills over his body. the winter evening wasn’t the most merciful companion, but he always enjoyed the silent time he could spend on his balcony.

it was quite a long day for him with all the preparation for tomorrow’s gig. practices here and there, along with venue checks. the day sure was taxing. but at the same time, it wasn’t enough to make him collapse to the bed and sleep. a certain heaviness hugging his chest, stealing a few hours of his supposed to be sleeping time.

“you alright?” seungwoo, one of his bandmates, asked. for a curt moment, he looked at the younger then followed seunsik’s gaze, resulting in him looking at the sky.

seungsik nodded as an initial response. another sigh leaving his lips. “i’m alright, but somehow, i don’t feel exactly that way.” a faint smile graced his brim as he shrugged. “it’s weird.”

raising a brow at the other, seungwoo gave him a questioning look. a hint of concern was apparent on his expression. “how do you feel lately?”

once again, seungsik found himself hunching his shoulders up. truth be told, he had no idea what exactly he was feeling. there was a spark of joy sitting in his heart; happy with his current career as a vocalist of a band. fortunate to be given a full-packed schedule each week. to be doing what he loved doing, singing.

but he knew something was off.

the weight he had in his chest that would sometimes give his heartstrings a terrible tug, the moment of a sudden daze while rehearsing, the sudden urge to just allow tears to slip from his eyes— it was familiar, yet he didn’t recognize it as his own. it was as if he was carrying something that didn’t belong to him but was connected to him. emotions shared to him even without words. and with no available response from him, all he could do was carry the intangible yet heavy load.

“maybe your soulmate is in the opposite state,” seungwoo suggested. “maybe they’re sad or lonely right now.”

the idea made seungsik pull another breath, eyes still fixated in the sea of twinkling stars, a silent wish muttered. “i hope i can be there for them.”

a phone call from your friend made you aware that it was already morning. the blinding glow coming from the sunlight that had been filtering through the gaps of your dimmed curtains was ignored for a moment. if given a choice, you’d stay on the bed the whole day.

“are you free this evening?” she asked.

it was such a funny question for you. the answer to that question was obvious. after getting rejected by the fourth company you applied for this month, you had a lot of time. so much time that you could probably take pleasure in doing other activities aside from job hunting.

the thing was, time alone will not be adequate to pay your bills.

“yes,” you replied, giving no effort to show an ounce of interest— even to feign joy in your tone was quite a burdensome task. “why?”

“come with me.” the excitement in her voice was good enough as a hint, it would definitely be one of these events again. “i’ll pick you up before dinner.”

you can only shake your head when you heard her drop the call. momentarily staring at the ceiling, you let go of a sigh before pulling yourself off the bed. you should go on the fifth company on your list today. maybe you’d be lucky enough to get in, land a job, and just… live the life of an office worker who can make ends meet every month .

sitting on the edge of the bed, you gazed at the unlit star fairy lights that were messily hanging by your bookshelf. a trickle of relief crawled over your heart as warmth continuously enveloped you in an imperceptible embrace. it was the only few minutes of the day that you loved— a curt moment of calm before the start of yet another stressful day.

you stood, looking over a brown folder that contained a copy of your resume. you sighed defeatedly. “whatever.”

there was nothing more you wished to do right at that moment but to go home. it wasn’t you who had been jumping around in the upbeat tunes played by the initial bands, but you found yourself exhausted by the crowd. regardless of the amount of glee everyone had, it didn’t bring you the sense of happiness your friend probably first thought it would offer. instead, the awareness of joy other people had made you swallow another pill— it made loneliness occupy you.

you looked over the crowd to search for your friend, the next band setting up their instruments and adjusting other conditions. no attention was spared to the introduction given to them though. you wanted to go home.

it wasn’t hard to find your friend. she was just sitting on one of the couches placed in the rear part of where the audience stood. a table of drinks located just beside it. however, before you could pull a word out of the confines of your mouth, the tapping of the mic halted your actions. you turned to look at the stage; a silver-haired man stood by the center.

i see the pain i'm trying to hide, i guess i just laughed at it.

different from the previous acts, the first few strums of the guitar wasn’t of the same upbeat sound. it was calm, matching the mellow voice of their vocalist.

your heart has grown stronger, i know it's a wound that secretly pressed down.

any other noise coming from the audience faded, your ears attending only to his voice— the song he was singing felt as if the two of you had met before. as if he had sung the song to you more than a hundred times. it was as if he had been singing that song for you. and you alone.

the petty grievances are actually okay, i'll spend a day with you.

you drowned in the song, his voice pleasant to your ears. it went on and on, serving as a temporary escape.

how long had you been holding into that heavy feeling? you wondered. a light press in your chest, tears gathering in the corner of your eyes as a familiar sensation coursed throughout your body. while he performed, a sense of comfort took over.

the morning calm you loved. it was him.

as the song gradually became softer, reality came rushing in. but it wasn’t as worrisome as it was earlier.

“just go go go.” his eyes lingered on you, exactly feeling the burden your heart had become accustomed to. you wanted nothing less but to listen to the same song, to his voice, on loop. “carry on.”

#victon imagines #victon oneshots #victon scenarios #victon #seungsik #kang seungsik #victon seungsik #requests #constellation prompts

[fieryhonesty]

The life of You

[AO3]

“Story is situated directly after webtoon/manhwa.”

Words: 3002

Genre: from fluff to angst (mainly in later parts)

Warning(s): just a very minor “swearing” appearing like two or three times in all three parts

Summary: After you settle down your problems in Liyue, it’s time to go back. Reunite with your friends, finding out how many things have changed...

It's been ages since you were there. Or at least it felt like that, in reality it's been just five years. Even though those years you had to deal with things you didn't want to. You were not fancy or looking forward to that. Who would after all? 

Your parents were selfish. Father being from never ending winter country, always so cold that normal people would be craving for any source of warmth. That thing alone made him travel to the south where he met with his future lover. They didn't see how they didn't match. But love is blind, they lived together, made a child and thought they will live like that forever. 

When you were about five they argued a lot. That much it always made you cry. One day father decided to leave. Saying he will go back to home, where people actually loved him. Why didn't he think of you? Leaving you behind just like that? 

Mother was not that much better, she cared more about running her business. Sewing clothes was more important than taking care of a kid. Since she had a close connection with one of her friends from Mondstadt she reached out to them. Asking if they could take care of her daughter, no to raise her as their kid. She really wanted to toss away her only child like that? So much to mother's love.

You were hesitant and scared at the beginning. Didn't want to go out at all, playing with other children felt like a huge problem to you. Looking through windows, gazing down at streets, seeing other kids playing together, chasing each other or hide and seek. Your new parents never had a kid as they simply couldn't. And seeing the little you like this was making their hearts ache. 

One day as you were just looking outside and noticed how one of the kids was waving at you. The boy was grinning from ear to ear. His scarlet hair were so bright, entrancing you. He certainly got your attention especially when he shouted to come out. You didn't go. Instead of it you hid in the bedroom, sitting on top of the pillow mountain you had there. 

Days were passing by and the young boy sometimes appeared and called out for you. Sometimes he appeared with another boy, he had dark blue hair and an eye patch. ‘What an odd kid’, thinking to yourself. Your interactions started slowly, asking for names, how old you guys are and why you aren’t going outside. 

The boys kept coming everyday. Eventually convinced you to go out. Your parents were beaming with joy upon seeing that. Getting out of your shell and started making friends.

The trio of you was often seen together doing some boy stuff. But sometimes you did just typically girly things like making flower crowns. It was actually fun to give each other one. It didn't take long until you found out they were brothers, well adoptive. 

The blue haired one was from foreign country and during the visit with his dad he got separated. Father told him that he would fetch some juice but he never came back. After hours standing in the storm, a cart which was passing by stopped and a tall man with long scarlet hair came out. Asking the boy what he was doing there. Taking him in and promising they will search for the boy's father once the storm is gone. They never found him so the man who had his own kid decided to take in this boy. 

Knowing this you naturally felt closer to him than the red haired one but in reality you liked both of them. As you guys were growing up you were amazed by knights and wanted to become one once you grew up. The saga of the trio has begun. Training and sparring every day until you were tired.

Red haired boy got his vision at just the age of ten. Vision is a magical thing with which the owner can channel elemental powers. A few years later he became a knight and it didn't take him long until he made it to the post of Captain of Cavalry. Making his two friends amazed and jealous. But their bonds never faded.

When you reached the age of fifteen your foster parents received a letter from your biological mother. Asking if you could come to Liyue, your homeland where you were born and where your mother lived and had her business. There was nothing more written than a simple sentence ‘It's urgent.’ 

You really didn't want to nor cared. That woman put you away so why should you care? However the brothers convinced you, saying you could always leave and come home. They would be waiting for their y/n and train again together! Little did they know the visit would take over five years. Many things happened. Many things changed. Once everything calmed down on your side, you decided to depart home. To place you always felt like your real home.

Stepping yet once again on Mondstadt’s soil made you feel heavy. But you didn't stop. Not until you arrived at the city's gates. Guards had greeted you but didn't react anymore. No wonder, you had changed. You were no longer that timid and weak girl. You were a strong and independent woman now. 

The light reflecting from your own vision which was hanging from your belt was a proof enough you got stronger. Making your way through night streets. Recognizing each of them. Once you were satisfied with sightseeing. Well if one could call it like that. You decided to stop by at the tavern. A tavern you knew the father of your friends was owning. You are all grown ups now, right? What are the chances?

Pushing the door open. The warmth coming out of the tavern was already pleasant. It was quite cold outside and this was really welcoming. Even more when your eyes dropped to the bar. You couldn't help it but grin like a madman upon the sight.

Your eyes met with the bartender's. His crimson orbs matching with his hair locked on you. It seemed like he was already suspicious. The other male who was sitting at the bar and drinking his wine noticed how the bartender got so stiff all of sudden. Turning his gaze to the door. Eyeing you up and down. Something was telling him he knows the female in front of him but from where? He is certain he would know about a beauty like this.

You slowly came to the bar, sat up on a chair. Still having that grin on your face. Making the red haired male narrow his eyes. He asked what would you like to order. A short pause. You were wishing to have a camera to take a picture of these two. It was obvious they have no idea who you are although you knew it's them. Those unmistakable red hair and the other one's eye patch.

"Diluc. Kaeya. I feel really offended now. Forgetting about me!" You acted up, making a sad face. Observing how male's expressions changed from unawareness to confusion and then suddenly to realization. 

The blue haired male spoke up first. Which was unnatural, it usually was the other one who initiated talk. 

"Oh my. You got me there for a while I was really confused and shocked. Knowing everyone in the city and suddenly a beautiful woman coming in place like this." You giggled at his remark. Their reactions were truly amusing. 

"Well you on the other hand- you didn't change much. Other than dressing up fancy. When we were kids I could just dream of seeing you in a suit, Kaeya."

Another giggle coming out of your lips. "And look at you Diluc, I never thought the Captain of Cavalry would stand behind the bar in a bartender attire." 

There was a slight pause before he answered with a simple. "Welcome back."

Looking at his childhood friend with more narrowed eyes than he should have. If felt all of sudden, you opening the door to his tavern tonight was just an odd coincidence. Honestly he thought you won't see each other anymore. When you didn't come back after several weeks, months later receiving a letter saying you won't be coming home for a while. He came to a conclusion that you rather prefer Liyue's climate. 

It doesn't help with the fact there was never any other response from you. And since nobody knew where exactly you were or how your mother's industry was named. He could not pay a visit or anything. He'd be lying if he said he was not angry but his better judgement told him to wait with hopping into conclusions. Perhaps you had a reason. 

But still. As he looks at you just happily talking with that annoying bluenette. He can't help himself but to feel... Whatever the feeling is he doesn't like it. Trying to push it to side and ignore most of your conversation. Most of it was Kaeya's gossips. That man could have been born as a woman and nobody would find it weird.

Rather busying himself with cleaning glasses or refilling drinks for patrons. His mind was already tired after their mini plan with giving Fatui what they deserved. He played a big role in it and simply just cooperating with somebody like Kaeya who's not only a traitor and liar but also part of the incompetent Knights of Favonious. But he knew he didn't do it for knights but for the city. He has his pride and sometimes putting it aside is unavoidable. 

Returning behind the bar once again. Noticing your glasses were empty. Part of him wanted Kaeya to just fuck off, his presence was irritating him already. But he can't be rude. At least not now. Usually he would tell Kaeya if he is done with his drink to either slide to his usual spot with other patrons or leave. ‘Archons, why can’t he just leave?’ Whenever Kaeya is there Diluc feels like to punch his face. 

He will have to suck it up tonight. Just for the sake of his conflicted feelings. His childhood friend probably has no idea about him no longer being with the knights, or that he and Kaeya have a very strange relationship. He can't trust that guy anymore.

His attention quickly shifted from staring at the glasses to your face. Judging by your expression you probably talked to him but he didn't hear anything as his mind was just too preoccupied. Resisting the urge to groan, giving you an apologetic look. 

"I'm sorry. My mind's everywhere tonight. Would you like another glass?" He wasn't lying at least. Ignoring the irritating feeling of Kaeya’s eye on him. Seriously can he just throw Kaeya out? 

"Well I was just pointing out you are silent. I remember you being more, you know. Talking? But I guess you must be tired. Being a bartender and a captain-" 

"Yeah. I'm tired." Stopping himself before saying something poisonous towards the knights. Reminding himself you don't know. Yet being associated with the knights was driving him nuts.

Rather taking your glasses to refill them with more wine but you stopped him. 

"Um, Diluc? I don't want more wine. I'm tired and actually I'm not good with alcohol, haha. Do you sell juice here or just water, both are fine." 

Giving you a slight nod. Ignoring Kaeya's teasing about you being still a kid, just like somebody. Next second hearing his 'Owh' as you elbowed the blue haired male. Diluc is glad for being turned away. As he could feel his corners slightly moving up for a brief moment. 

"I see our little shy flower got thorns. Well, I guess you'll need them." Kaeya said as he rubbed his sore ribs, giving you a teasy wink. 

"Yes. y/n will need them, especially around people like you." Diluc said as he gave you new drinks. 

"Ah, yes. You speak like I'm the most dangerous man from Mondstadt, womanizing every maiden I meet. Do I need to remind you who's the hot topic around the city, hmm?" Kaeya chuckled just like he thought he had an upper hand in discussion.

Clearly the cunning man was trying to push Diluc’s buttons. Taking a deep breath and focusing his attention on you. Being sure you were confused by their not so warm remarks. Somebody will have to tell you what happened but he didn't feel up to for it now. Still the weird feeling about your arrival just now was lingering in his stomach. 

Was he really mad at you? Or was it because you weren't around when he needed somebody and the only one person who he could trust turned out to be the biggest viper. 

"So, since you are here, y/n. I assume you sorted out things you needed to?" He asked while crossing his arms on chest. You gave him a positive nod and sipping of the juice. 

"Glad to hear that. I assume you will go back soon." Diluc noticed a slight twitch in the corner of your eye. What does that mean? Eyes locked on you, while you were spinning around with the glass in your hands nervously.

"Ah... well, actually. I-" Your voice trailed off as a sudden thunder announced the incoming storm. Seconds later you could hear heavy rain drumming against windows. "Ahaha... I'm not scared guys. Don't worry. It just came out of nowh- aaah!" 

Another loud thunder. Both males knew you were lying. Remembering how as kids they used to calm you down if you were sleeping over during a storm. Diluc averted his gaze, looking around the tavern. He never cared about storms but since that one day he felt unwell. It reminded him of his past, past which changed him and his life. 

Letting out a sigh. There were many things that changed during these five years. From brothers to nearly enemies, from cheerful young man to secretive one, keeping his distance from anyone. You also seemed different than you used to be. At least the fear during storms stayed with you. Reassuring him it's still the friend he knew. You might have changed in appearance, have this unknown aura around you. But the kid he knew was still there. 

Nearly feeling sorry for giving you that ugly look before. His train of thoughts was broken by your voice nearly whispering. "Oh boy, I will get soaked before I get home!" 

He realized something more has changed. Before he could even open his mouth to say anything, Kaeya was faster. And for once he was glad for that. 

"Or you could sleep over at my place, Dearie. It's closer." 

"Huh? But don't you guys live at the winery? That's not closer!" Kaeya chuckled as he leaned forward to you. 

"I said my place. Just think of it. It's night, you don't want to wander around the streets at this hour, in the rain. Do you?" You looked over at Diluc, trying to read anything from his expression. Just why is Kaeya living on his own now? What happened? 

"I guess... you are right? I mean I don't want to wake them up. But why do you live in the city now?"

The bluenette exhaled. "Well, we are grown ups now. Wouldn't it be weird for two guys living together?" 

You pondered about it a bit. It didn't sound wrong at all. Two brothers living with their father. But then you recalled their quarrel a while ago. Could it be? You slowly looked up at Diluc, blush crawling on your face. This can't be. No way. Diluc is taking too many girls home and it bothered Kaeya enough to make him move out?! 

The scarlet man always been popular be it either to being son of somebody who literally owned the wine industry over the whole country. Or because of his looks. You had to admit he looked more mature, still young in his face but he was tall, pretty and rich. A real lady magnet. 

"I see." You quickly muttered and averted your eyes from the man, now busy once again with cleaning glasses. The thought of Diluc being such a man whore was not leaving your mind. He looks so calm and elegant. Is it just a mask he puts on but when nobody's around he just shows his true colors? Oh dear. Things have changed for sure.

Kaeya cleared his throat, getting your attention. "It's getting late. I have duties tomorrow morning and you do seem tired, so how about we get on our way?" Noticing how your hand instantly dived into pocket. Fishing for mora. 

"Don't bother yourself, I will pay for your drinks. Take it as a... welcome gift?" He says while head patting you lightly. Giving him a small nod and a thank you. 

Before leaving you took a quick bathroom visit which guys used for a small talk. Kaeya put enough mora on the bar which Diluc gave a quick glance and took only part of it. 

"Her share is on the house."

"Ah, I see. That's very nice of you. How about me as your brother?" Receiving a cold glare from the bartender. 

"Try it once more and next time your prices are double the normal." Kaeya chuckled at his words. He knew Diluc was holding back with hateful remarks in your presence. 

"Well there's always Cat's Tail. Your loss, brother."

 "For the last time. You are not my brother..." Diluc snapped at him. Noticing how you were slowly approaching them. "You better behave, Kaeya." 

"I always do, brother~!"

Diluc didn't say anything but his cold eyes were speaking clearly. ‘Get out.’ Observing how you two left the tavern. Finally some fresh air, finally he can breathe out. How much he hates being in the same room as that guy.

Next

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #diluc x reader #kaeya x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin diluc #genshin kaeya #f!reader #genshin #genshin impact diluc #genshin impact kaeya #diluc #kaeya #fiery series #homecoming

[jack-is-lost]

If you made your own, perfect, self indulgent film, or series, what would it be about, look like and what details would be essential?

Hmm, hard to say, really. I feel I’ve pondered over something similar in the past, which resorted to more fanfiction ideas, but I never delved too deep. Besides, what I might reply with now could evolve into an entirely different indulgent weeks, months, or a year from now. I’ll do my best to answer, though! Fair warning topics of death, and all that comes with it, are mentioned.

First, due to my unhealthy obsession, it would be supernatural-themed. Most likely a world where they are coexisting with humans, the average beings, but not exactly out publicly. I enjoy that world-building structure that, for the most part, humanity goes about their life unbeknownst that these ‘stories’ they’ve grown up with hold actual physical truth to them — not just metaphorical.

Another weakness of mine is taking a normal person and having them fall down this rabbit hole into the unknown. Preferably due to a life-altering situation. The reason the supernatural world reveals itself to the protagonist needs to be dire, blood pumping, and basically thrilling. I don’t mind the whole ‘I fell in love with so-and-so and now I’m apart of their world’, but I would avoid it being the pivotal point in my film/series. 

Instead, it is a friend and the life-altering situation would be a near-death moment. These would be essential, the turning points and anchor. Perhaps, the protagonist was out hanging with a friend they’ve known all their life, through school (currently in high-school), and that night things uncontrollably go downhill. Many thoughts come to mind of how it would go down; car accident, being held at gunpoint while at a convenience store, a freak accident at a theme park. Something out of their hands that causes the friend to act or else death would occur. It is heated, no thought just action, and suddenly there are so many questions needing to be answered. So the protagonist starts to fall down that metaphorical hole into wonderland, but — like in so many already established films/shows — having a mortal being apart of their world is dangerous. Dangerous for them and the beings hidden within plain sight. Yes, what their friend did was heroic but also frowned upon by their own kind. Discussion of what to do with the protagonist is heavy on everyone’s mind. Change them? Wipe their memory? Kill them? Within days of having their eyes open to so much, enough time to have the confusion and fear evolve into wonderment, it is decided to repress their memories. Like a fish caught on a hook, the protagonist is tossed back to sea to blindly follow the current. What I’ve mentioned would be the first portion of a film or the first few episodes of the series. It builds up, allowing the audience to know there is more — to gain a taste of wanting to only be denied alongside the main character. To also dig emotionally deeper, said friend has to distance themself in fear of triggering memories. Something could cause those repressed life-changing moments to unravel, so they back off. Calls start to go unanswered, text messages are few and in-between, and physically hanging out just stops altogether. This makes the protagonist at first resentful, upset not knowing what they did wrong — if they did anything wrong. They simply shrug it off at one point, deciding that — like so many friendships often due, theirs is simply fading. So life goes on and a time skip occurs. It is the beginning of the build-up that leads to the middle of the film/series. The protagonist is older, perhaps in their late twenties to early thirties, and they’ve followed this path to become a Crime Scene/Homicide Investigator. Known as a specialist in their field and very dedicated to their work. As the movie/series builds up to that middle act, their world once again starts to ripple like a reflection on water. Especially as they are called to an unusual scene. It is gruesome, animalistic, limbs were strewn across the dark street. And, as they kneel down to pull back the tarp to have a good look at the victim, another investigator crouches beside them. Something is off by how this person’s gaze takes in the scene, how their voice mutters visual statements, and this familiar pull inside their own head. Our protagonist has this inkling feeling they’ve met before. It isn’t until their eyes meet that it dawns on them. Despite it being more than a decade with no contact, it is their friend right beside them. They are older, face harder. Somehow, without any influence on each other, they’ve walked the same career path. And, without purposefully meaning to, found themselves teaming up as districts overlap. Except for one crucial key; their friend has specialized in supernatural criminology. The scene before them is a hot mess that pulls two parties together to solve the case. Creatures and humans equally killing and being murdered. This is where a love interest would slowly build-up — the faintest of possibilities, as they focus on solving what could be the biggest serial killer case ever. Foggy memories do start to surface, but they are old and blurry childhood moments. They could easily be deluded by watching too many horror movies, and that is how the protagonist reasons it. Yet, the further they work this job together, the more the main character has to know. The more they need to seek answers and start to avidly search between the cracks. A huge “I knew it!” moment would occur when they come face to face with the serial killer. Who is, indeed, a supernatural creature. However, being older and more trained, the protagonist doesn’t falter in the midst of a fight sequence. They might exclaim it, joke with their temporary partner on the case, but their finger is still hovering over the trigger — their gaze on the killer. Thus, this is the ‘climax’ of the story — the reveal and blood-pumping action. And, as the main character humanly try to go up against a real-life brutal monster, our protagonist is severely injured. Except now the friend/partner wasn’t there to deflect the final blow. The battle is still going as the protagonist lays upon the ground, bleeding out and fighting to breathe. That is where we see a flashback to the first incident, back to the beginning of the show/film. Their vision is a clouded memory as they blindly look up to the weathered ceiling. The pain is fading to the point they let out one of those dry chuckles while thinking fate is cruel. That they are apart of something like Final Destination to where they probably should have died back then, and now fate is rearing its ugly mug at them again. Their friend rushes to their side, the battle over, and the main character missing the ending. It isn’t though they could care much about that for their world is fading, their life leaking out of them with every slow pulse. The friend asks them then, disregarding rules and regulations, and ask if they don’t want to die. They need permission, consent, but the response is slurred and broken. Did they want whatever their friend was truly asking of them? To be a monster? They can feel the friend’s grasp within theirs, stronger than their own returning squeeze. The darkness is starting to crawl, starting to swallow their vision, and they stare up at the being who they were beginning to love all over again — more than a friend in this second chance gifted to them, and they smile. They don’t nod or shake their head. They don’t whisper an answer, but instead, allow the grim reaper to do its job. For if they were meant for the world hidden by plain sight, they would have been born for it. The ending of this show is remorseful, no doubt. We have this heroic symbol as the funeral plays out. The friend, the blossoming love interest, being the last one to lay a flower upon the grave. Now we see it from their perspective, the loss and grief. Loss of having to stop being friends, the enjoyment of meeting up again and playing a major role in their life, to the grief of losing them so soon. It would end on this sad note because it is how life works, and I’d want to solidify the hard realities within the wonderment. Yet, if a second season or a sequel were to happen, it would be through their gaze. How they deal with it and move forward, and how they find companionship again many, many years down the line. Especially when another supernatural creature has this light in their eyes when they smile a certain familiar way. They are new on the job and being saddled up with them to get field experience, nothing unusual. However, the way they laugh — how they freely speak their mind, reminds them of someone else and a part of them wonders deep down that maybe, just maybe, fate isn’t as heartless as it seemed. It really feels like their friend is right there beside them as they fall back into the fray of solving homicide cases.

#ask and you shall receive #my writing #supernatural topics #story idea #tw: death

[comeonthinkers]

The Constant Struggle of Cuteness

I feel like, this morning, I need to talk about body image. Body image, and the constant barrage of conflicting messages around body image that I, as a midsize woman, receive and dissect every day.

First of all: midsize. Was this even a term five years ago? As “plus size” has become more ubiquitous and more accepted in the past decade, “fat” has been reclaimed, and “curvy” is suddenly more of a feeling than a descriptor, the terms I used to identify with as a teenager now, somehow, no longer apply to me anymore. I’m not sure what happened in the past decade; in high school I distinctly remember almost always being the largest woman in the room. Since then, whether it’s due to perception, self-confidence, age, awareness, or just... overall changes in the population, I now find myself distinctly in the middle. 

Note: I’ve been a size 12-16 my entire post-adolescent life. For one brief stint after college I could fit into a size 10. But before and since, 14 has been the mainstay numeral in my wardrobe. My steady friend and most accurate guesstimate across brands as to what my body may fit.

14, despite being the most (so I’m told) “common” size amongst women, was for many years infamous for being the most left-out, in-between size in clothing stores. In juniors’ stores (marketed toward teens: your Charlotte Russe’s and Forever 21′s), 14 would translate to the non-existent XXL: with “XL” usually falling in the “12″ range. In Plus Size or Women’s stores, 14 is a 0X; 1X is most commonly measured around a “16″ size.

About 5 years ago I found a fashion youtuber who made a video decrying the variation of a size 12 across different brands. And I’ll agree: sizes vary a lot from brand to brand, despite there being a base similarity in most big brand stores. She, like me, found herself living in this dreaded size 12-14 fashion purgatory, this no-womans-land of sizes. And even here! The numbers can’t be trusted!

She called herself “midsize”. She looked a lot like me. And at last, I had a label I could consistently search and see body types that I could identify with. From what I can tell, midsize is the chosen moniker for fashion influencers sizes 8-16, with of course, varying body shapes and compositions. For example, many of the folks I follow on instagram that claim “midsize” wear a VERY different bra size from me- so to find “fashion inspiration” I can actually act upon from midsize influencers, I also have to bring in a few accounts that allow for more top-heavy-friendly designs.

Despite all of the overwhelming positivity and diversity now available to me as a midsize woman (for example, almost all plus-size brands now start at a size 10-12 (00X-0X), and most “regular” retail brands now extend to a XXL), I can’t help but go back to my first observation: I’m no longer the largest woman in the room. While I don’t consider myself particularly unhealthy, I also know I’m not passing any presidential fitness tests any time soon. I find it difficult to run for extended periods of time. My joint strength isn’t nearly what it should be to support my weight. While muscular, I have a lot of extraneous body fat that adds strain to my daily life, and all my body’s systems: skeletal, endocrine, muscular, cardiovascular. This isn’t good. I’ve worked for years to try to find ways to get stronger, lose weight, and improve my overall health- in fact, the difficulty I faced when trying to lose weight was what led me to discover that I have PCOS and a few hormonal hurdles to maintaining a healthy body weight.

But when I try to research how best to approach health and weight loss with PCOS, the studies are few and far between- and when available are fairly inconclusive and far from thorough. I’m left to follow MORE accounts of personal success stories, all of which are biased toward one product or another, one lifestyle brand or book tour, all of which are antithetical to every other product, book, or brand I’ve seen before.

On the one hand, I’m grateful to see more body types represented in the media.  It IS helpful to my self-esteem to normalize the bodies of women both my size and larger than me (even if there’s still a prevalence of too-smooth skin and too-round belly buttons). But I also worry about how we tend to conflate feeling good about ourselves to being healthy. They aren’t the same. And we’re letting commercial forces tell us that it’s okay to be unhealthy even when attempting to BE healthy: mentally or physically.

Time to come clean here: for the past year, I’ve been experimenting on and off with a carnivore lifestyle, which, OBVIOUSLY, many people assume is super unhealthy, much like the stigma around Atkins in the early 2000′s. Honestly, it feels a lot like Atkins did back in the day: lots of bacon, burgers, steak, and eggs. Quite literally “zero-carb”, as opposed to just “low-carb”. While low-carb isn’t really new anymore, and many people can see carnivore as a logical step past the surprisingly universally accepted ketogenic diet, I was amazed to discover just how much the “science” of the trendier diets of the past decade (paleo, keto, whole-30) don’t match up to the scientific, accepted nutritional advice of the actual medical community.

Last year I started going to a weight-loss clinic at the behest of my OB-GYN in an attempt to get my PCOS and weight “under control”. I’m gonna spoil most of the rest of this rant by saying this was a pretty dumb idea for someone like me. This clinic was created around those with extreme weight issues, for whom psychological care and bariatric surgery are the most “effective” forms of treatment (again, according to the health care system that seems determined to sell it, but I’ll talk more about THAT another time). The nutritionist I met with gave me the same spiel I’d read time and time again from every weight-loss specialist book I’d bought, despite me relaying to her my decades-long struggle with traditional diets and fat-loss strategies. A ketogenic diet was never recommended to me, nor any kind of actual dietary changes to help with hormone balance/control: I was prescribed metformin (a drug for insulin resistance most commonly prescribed to type 2 diabetics) and told to eat a low-fat, high-fiber diet.

I didn’t lose any weight. My periods didn’t regulate. I just stopped gaining weight as fast... although I did eventually gain back the 12 pounds I’d lost from my first 2 months on carnivore. 

The truth is, that treatment plan, that clinic... it doesn’t exist for someone who is trying to change their body chemistry. It might work for folks that are so obese that literally ANY form of mindful eating will help them lose 200 pounds. But let’s be real: if I lost 200 pounds, I’d weigh 6 pounds. I’m a tall, muscular woman with some fat that has tried all the recommended diets for fat loss. Through them all, I fight cravings and energy loss, mood swings, and all the symptoms that come with PCOS. The ONLY thing I’ve found in the past 10 years that actually helps with my PCOS? 

Regular exercise, stress management, and a carnivore diet. 

I’ll also point out that when I DID lose a considerable amount of weight after college (due to what I think was a combination of 1. getting enough sleep for once, 2. intermittent fasting, and 3. regular hiking), it was also easier for me to maintain my weight and many of my PCOS symptoms went away. It wasn’t until I switched to a HORMONAL BIRTH CONTROL method that I then gained back all of the weight I lost (and then some) and once again began fighting uncontrolled PCOS symptoms. They compounded on each other, and made it harder and harder to get back to any kind of “normal”. 

So, I’m back on carnivore. In addition to more stable energy, noticeable reduction of PCOS symptoms, and slight weight loss, I also just... hurt a lot less on carnivore. Along this journey I’ve finally realized that I do in fact have a chronic pain problem. Whether it’s due to chronic inflammation, past injuries, or food sensitivities, I’m not really sure: but I know when I eat carnivore, my chronic pain all but goes away. Recently, I’ve been recovering from a back injury, so there was of course some pain associated with that (as well as a break from regular exercise, which I plan to get back to once I’m cleared by my chiropractor), but the daily body aches, numbness, and discomfort?

Gone. 

I’ve got regular periods when I eat this way- like, ACTUALLY one a month like I’m supposed to have. My facial hair growth slows down, even thins out. My focus improves. I sleep better, and actually follow a normal circadian rhythm. What’s total bananas is that I’m not the only one who experiences this: MANY folks who’ve tried this way of eating report daily quality of life improvements.

I’m not going to say everyone should eat this way; I’m not even going to suggest that everyone with PCOS should eat this way. But I WOULD love to see some actual RESEARCH done on this way of eating- or even better research on a ketogenic diet! I’m so frustrated by the lack of medical research on nutrition, and in particular the lack of action to curb the universally-accepted-to-be-unhealthy nutrition standards in America. While I won’t say it’s hard to eat carnivore (cause like, all diets are hard), I have noticed over the years that NO ONE IN OUR COUNTRY IS HEALTHY anymore- except for those whose JOB it is to be healthy. And this isn’t a coincidence!! Almost all cultures that have adopted American corporatized food structures are chronically unhealthy, and much, much more fat than they used to be.

I agree that being fat isn’t always a personal failing, and I’m so, SO glad that more and more figures in our media diets are representing the diverse catalogue of body shapes and sizes reflected in our world. I’m happy that my future daughter won’t be fat-shamed the same way I was as a little girl, and that she likely won’t be told (like I was) that she’s too fat to be what she wants to be when she grows up, despite not actually being all that fat. 

BUT. Fat representation is not the hill I want to literally die on. I’m not willing to throw my health, my comfort, my ability to be active, away for my “right” to eat ice cream every day. I’m sick of being marketed to constantly as a garbage disposal. I’m not just here to eat and diet and wear clothes.

I’m here to LIVE. I’m here to plant gardens and make art and take walks and enjoy the seasons. And I can’t do a lot of those things if I’m constantly sick and in pain. And it’s way harder to enjoy not being sick and not being in pain when all we know to do as a society when spending time together is... eat food. 

What frustrates me is, I think so much of this really comes down to marketing, corporate profit-mongering, and the way our political system is set up to make laws for companies instead of people. I think capitalism is making us fat and unhealthy, to sell us sugar and diets and medicine and surgeries in an endless cycle of crap. I don’t really have much more to say on that, I don’t have sources, except like... well, look around you. Look at the system we have. Look at what we’re told to do to escape it. And look at how many forces are there to take us right back to the beginning of the roller coaster when we have a little success. 

Side note/conspiracy theory time: I actually think liposuction might be a more safe and effective (literally EFFECTIVE not just safe) form of “weight loss surgery” in helping folks with actual, permanent weight loss. Hear me out: while I will fully admit I can’t remember where I read any of this (as I’ve read so many scores of information regarding health and weight loss over my lifetime), I seem to remember body fat working something like this: it’s really easy for your body to make new fat cells, but very difficult for your body to destroy them. So, when you gain fat, it first occurs by your body filling your fat cells with fat, until they can’t hold anymore, and then your body makes new fat cells, which makes it easier for your body to hold onto said fat. The best way to “reset” your body’s fat threshold is to literally destroy or remove the fat cells. And, I assume, if you adopt more healthy habits AFTER having liposuction, your body would be less likely to create more fat cells than it was when you lived an unhealthy lifestyle.

Bariatric surgery is incredibly invasive and dangerous, and almost always ends up reversed by bad habits and your body’s natural ability to STORE FAT AND STRETCH YOUR STOMACH. It’s a temporary solution, and often proves to be ineffective in the long term, and leads to many unfortunate complications over time, not to mention the recovery from that surgery is LONG and TOUGH.

But liposuction (the most COMMON FORM OF PLASTIC SURGERY, I’ll add), is the only “weight loss” procedure (despite not being labeled as such- it’s “cosmetic surgery” even though it most definitely WOULD result in weight loss, right?) that actually removes fat from your body. Literally takes the fat cells away so your body can’t fill them up again, without once again needing to create more.

But bariatric surgery is covered by insurance, and liposuction isn’t... despite the fact that removing weight and fat from the body would be a more instant and potentially effective cure for obesity and its underlying symptoms, and being a simpler procedure overall, as well as extremely common. 

So like... why is being fat something poor people are forced to endure dangerous surgery and super long recoveries and lifetime habit changes to overcome, but rich people just get to have their fat vacuumed away? Sounds sus to me. 

[simsadventures]

After All: Chapter 4: Whatever

Summary: The next day comes and you built the walls around yourself higher than ever. Warnings: angst, tears, sad reader, fluffy Bruce, Bucky (I feel like he is a warning now), mentions of physical abuse

Word Count: 1959

A/N: What do you guys think, should the reader forgive him at some point, or do we want to see a different romance sparking? Let me know, love you all. xx

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist

< Previous Chapter 

You woke up with the biggest headache you’ve had since high school. Your whole body hurt, and for a second you thought you were abducted and now held prisoner. However, you soon realised that the nightmare you had was no dream at all, but your real-life and that your head hurt probably from the extensive crying you did last night, and your body was stiff from falling asleep in your bathroom.

You needed good 5 minutes to get up, your limbs not listening to your orders at all. When you managed to stand on your own, with just a slight help from the sink, you dared to look in the mirror. And you almost screamed from the shock you received. The reflection in the mirror looked like a completely different person. She wasn’t you. This was a broken person, her make up smudged across her whole face, eyes still red and puffy, but otherwise the shade of the skin was almost greenish. You shouldn’t even be surprised. Nobody was suited to cry as much as you did last night.

Just the thought of what you overheard the night before almost sent you hurdling again, but you stopped yourself. You weren’t about to let them destroy you. Nope. You were stronger than that. You made the mistake of trusting people again, and you were damn sure you wouldn’t ever do it again.

You clenched your tears, tear up the dress that bitch picked for you only to be able to laugh about it behind closed doors with her precious Bucky. You cleaned your face, took a long hot shower, trying to wash away all the sadness left in you. You knew it would take time to get over this, because after a lifetime, you opened up to someone, only to let them rip you open and laugh about the shattered pieces.

But you weren’t willing to let them win. You would bet that they wanted to crumble in front of them, but not if you could help it. Your decision was quick and final. You would just ignore them. You weren’t the type of person to call people out, and even if you wished nothing more than to see them suffer as much as you did, you decided against it.

Karma would bite them both in their asses, you were sure of that.

You texted Tony that you drank a little too much and wasn’t feeling like working on the project today, which he completely understood because he apparently flew around in his Iron Man suit and was showing everyone how many backflips he could do until he threw up in the mask. You were just sorry you weren’t there to see this.

You also exchanged few texts with Bruce who was still baffled why you left so suddenly last night, but you had no energy to explain everything to him. Bucky was his friend, he was part of the team, and you weren’t. You didn’t need people telling you that you destroyed the Avengers by telling Bruce the truth. Not now, anyway.

At the same time, you couldn’t be entirely sure if he wasn’t in it with them. Your mind was screaming at you that Bruce wouldn’t be able to do such a thing to anyone. Still, the same mind was telling you just yesterday that Bucky was definitely into you. You had your reasons not to trust your own judgement right now.

You took a nap in your bed, to relieve your mind from the spiralling, even if only for a few hours.

It was around 6 PM that you heard a familiar light knock on your door. Your heart stopped in that very moment, and you had a lot to do not to vomit again. You pulled yourself together and went to open the door.

“Hey, doll,” Bucky smirked at you, leaning against the door frame. “You ran away last night, I thought you could take more.”

You huffed sardonically, and smirked at him, venom driving from your eyes. “Felt tired, you needed anything or?”

He looked at you, little surprised at your reaction. You were never this direct or unfriendly to him. “Well, it’s our movie night, so I cam here for the movie, you remember?”

Oh right, you even had a weekly movie night, because you thought you both liked spending time in each other’s company. “Not in the mood, Barnes. Goodnight, and greet Hannah for me, will you?” You smiled all too sweetly and closed the door in Bucky’s shocked expression.

“Hannah? Doll, I don’t even talk to Hannah, you know that.”

You didn’t even have the energy to fight with him, so you just laughed dryly and yelled back through the closed door, “whatever, Bucky, whatever.” He didn’t leave right after that, still tried talking to you, but after about 10 minutes, you got tired of his bullshit, telling you to open the door, that he doesn’t understand what’s gotten into you, and blah blah blah. You put on your earphones and watched John Wick without him. You didn’t need him. Hell, you didn’t need anyone.

You didn’t know how long it took for him to leave your door, but you were glad that by the time the movie ended, there was silence outside the door. Hannah sent you multiple messages, to none of which you have replied. She even texted you she was worried about you and you scoffed out loud. Worried my ass, you thought.

Next day came much sooner than you wished to, and it meant you had to go out of your room and face the world. Worst of all, you had an appointment with Bucky, to try some models of his soon-to-be new arm. You didn’t want to be that close to him, but there was no other way to deal with it. You needed to learn to share the same space with him and totally ignore him. That could become your life mission if need be.

You had a polite small talk with one of your colleagues, but not his too extensive or too detailed. She just told you about Tony and his drunk self and how her head hurt even today. You just nodded and smiled lightly, not willing to share anything.

About an hour later, the door opened, and Bucky came marching to you. “What the hell, doll? I was knocking on your door last night and you-“

You stopped him with a raised hand. “I wasn’t in the mood, and I’m not in the mood now. I have Dr Cho here to help me with your current arm, to make it as painless for you as possible, and so that we could safely try your new model. Can we start?” Your face was void of any emotion. You could see Bucky searching your face, trying to find a hint, anything that would tell him why the sudden change in your behaviour.

“Doll, I-“ he started again, but you weren’t having it. “Can we start now, Bucky?” you raised your voice a little so that he got the message you weren’t willing to talk about anything else that your job. He just nodded wordlessly and let you and Dr Cho do your job.

He was watching you intently the whole time, speaking up only when asked, and you made a little victory dance in your head. Maybe he’d actually stop talking to you, and your ignoring him wouldn’t be that difficult. This happiness, however, didn’t last long, because as soon as you were done, and sent him on his way, he grasped your upper arm, and whisper yelled at you, “mind if we talk, Y/N?”

You just clenched your teeth and nodded, you really didn’t need to cause a scene at work. You weren’t about to let him destroy the one thing that actually made you happy and feel like you could be yourself. When obviously, being yourself wasn’t enough for him, nor for Hannah.

“Care to explain why have you been acting so weird since the party?” He was seething, and all you could do was laugh. He really wanted YOU to explain yourself to HIM, hilarious.

“Look, we can stop pretending now, Bucky. Go your own way, I’ll go mine and the only place we will see each other will be here, and we’ll keep it strictly professional, ok?”

“What the fuck are you talking about? How can you go from us being that close to strictly professional, huh? What happened? Did someone tell you something? Because if so, I’m 99% sure they’re lying.”

Now you had to laugh out loud. “Oh, don’t worry, nobody told me anything. I didn’t want to do this, because I couldn’t care less right now but ok. Let’s do this. What the fuck am I talking about? I don’t know, Bucky, let’s ask your girlfriend Hannah, what the hell I’m all about.”

“I told you, I don’t even-“

“At least have the fucking decency and don’t lie to my fucking face, Barnes. I saw and heard everything, ok? I mean, why would someone like YOU be interested in someone like ME. I’m just a hideous lab rat, and you wouldn’t be caught dead actually seen with me.”

You were seething, venom dripping from your mouth. Bucky was staring back at you, horrified. “Doll, I-“

“Please, don’t. I got it, ok? She’s gorgeous, I’m not, I know that much, I’m not stupid. I just thought you could see past that, from how much time we spent together. I told you everything, Bucky, my secrets, my fears, all of it. I hope you two had a good laugh at all that, how a desperate, ugly girl fears someone will notice she’s just not enough. That must have made you snicker for days, huh? Or the fact that my own father beat the shit out of me when I was younger must have been a hilarious topic after you fucked her!”

You didn’t want to resort to violence, but your hand itched to slap him across his face.

“Look, Y/N, I would never-“

“I don’t care, Bucky, I really don’t. I hope you had a good time making the ugly girl feel worse about herself than she did in a long time. I’m not gonna be the entertainment for you and Hannah anymore, I was stupid enough to think that for once in my life, I would be important to someone, that just this once, I was the lucky one.

But it’s ok, I got this, just like I always had. So go, and enjoy your miserable life, because you can’t be happy if you’re able to do something like this to an innocent bystander. Just please, whatever your sick games, or foreplays, or whatever this is, are, stop it. I’m an actual real-life person, with genuine feelings, I’m not sure the two of you realise. I’m going to be ok without you, but some other girl might not, so please, end this, and find some other thing to rile each other up.

Have a good life, Barnes, I really wish for you to wake up one day, and try and redeem yourself, because you might be a hero out there, in the world, but here? You are just one rotten, sad guy, who doesn’t have a bit of respect for himself or anyone around you. Goodbye.”

Few tears slipped by now, but you didn’t care. You were proud of yourself for telling him all that, turned on your heel and went back to the lab.

Bucky was left in a hallway, staring at the door, through which you left, suddenly realising how big of a mistake he just did. And he wasn’t sure if there was any going back.

/ Next Chapter >

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[seagreen-meets-grey]

Hooked On A Feeling Ch. 2

When Hiccup and Astrid realize they’ve never hung out alone before, they decide to change that. And how do you better spend time with your Good Friend than by playing Mario Kart all night?

[Chapter 1: Come A Little Bit Closer] [Chapter 2: Fooled Around And Fell In Love] [Chapter 3: Go All The Way]

Crossposted on ao3 and ff.net

_______________

Hiccup needed to pee so badly.

Ever since he’d dozed off earlier, he’d become more uncomfortable by the minute. He really didn’t want to leave his position now. It had taken him so long to shuffle ever closer to Astrid again and his whole slow process of inch by inch would be lost. But another painful pinch from his bladder later, he couldn’t take it anymore.

Pausing the game mid-race, he put his controller to the side, moved to sit up, and did the next without thinking. He leaned over, kissed Astrid on the cheek as if it were the most natural thing in the world and left to the bathroom.

As soon as he’d closed the door behind him, he froze, eyes wide as saucers. What had just happened? Why the hell had he done that?!

Only his bladder was able to get him to move again and after he’d relieved himself, he began pacing through the bathroom.

He couldn’t just go back now; it would be so awkward. He’d just ruined the night. Maybe he should just stay in here forever or sneak out the window and never come back. But his Switch was still here and he couldn’t just jump from the second floor.

It shouldn’t even be that big of a deal. They were good friends – best friends, even. And it was just a kiss on the cheek. But for some reason, it suddenly felt like so much more.

Too afraid to go back and face her reaction, he continued pacing back and forth, then in circles, then he lay face down on the floor with a loud muffled groan. He didn’t know how long he’d been in here by now. She must be thinking he was either taking a very huge dump or that he’d fallen asleep on the bowl.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” he chastised himself, accentuating every word by banging his forehead on the fluffy carpet.

The knock on the door made him wince. “Hiccup?” Fuck. “Everything okay?”

He scrambled to get up, mussing up his hair in an attempt to smooth it, and opened the door, leaning as casually as possible against the frame. “’M fine.”

“Right,” she frowned and pushed her bangs out of her face. “Do you want to go outside for a bit? Take a walk, clear our head of… the tiredness?”

“Yes,” he said maybe a little too immediately. Some fresh air while walking through the dark where they couldn’t see each other’s face very well sounded so much better than sitting next to each other in a stuffy room after such a terribly awkward situation.

They donned their coats and left the house. The cold air hit their faces, cooling the blood that was still rushing through their veins.

Astrid was glad that she’d taken the time to go back to her room to get her warm hat and mittens while Hiccup had been waiting for her outside. In the soft light of the moon reflecting off the snow beneath their feet, her breath condensed in front of her face. Wiggling her toes inside her boots to warm them up for the walk, she switched on her flashlight and tested the range of the light cone. The batteries should hold for a while.

They walked down the quiet street, only the flashlight and a few lamps here and there illuminating their path. It had stopped snowing for the most part, a handful of stars blinking in the sky in-between thick clouds. Her light reflected off the sign that informed them they were leaving Berk, right over the smaller sign pointing in the direction of Raven Point Lake.

For a while, neither of them talked. Astrid was rather glad about the silence that was only interrupted by the snow scrunching under their every step, still a little flustered by this new tension between herself and her friend. She was wondering if her heart was beating that fast because of Hiccup or because she’d had way too much sugar and caffeine. It was probably both.

She watched him from the corner of her eye, taking note of the thoughtful lines on his face. Was he having similar thoughts, maybe overthinking everything in true Hiccup fashion, or was she the one attributing too much importance to every interaction?

“Look, I’m vaping,” Hiccup broke the silence and exhaled a large cloud of breath.

Astrid snorted. “Wow, I’m amazed. I thought you were contemplating the meaning of the universe just now, but turns out there is a hamster inside your brain running backwards on its wheel.”

“His name is Sharpshot, because he’s such a sharp shot,” Hiccup said. “He’s a hamster that knows how to run backwards, that must count for something.”

“You’re not funny.”

“Astrid, I can see you grin.”

She switched off her flashlight. “No, you can’t.”

Naturally, he tripped only the blink of an eye later. But instead of faceplanting into the snow, which would have been pretty hilarious, he got hold of her arm and saved himself. “I don’t want to walk straight into the lake,” he declared and held onto her.

“I can still push you or lead you right into the water.”

“Nope, I’m smarter than you,” he claimed and let go of her arm to fish his phone out of his pocket and turned on its flash. She cursed the drop of her stomach at the loss of his touch.

“Cheater,” she huffed and switched her own light back on. When Hiccup put his phone back into his pocket, there was a tiny victorious smirk on his face which she deliberately chose to ignore.

They turned one more corner and reached the lake. The water was black and smooth as glass, the reflection of the moon nearly undistorted, only a few snowflakes softly creating miniature ripples on the surface. They trudged down the path along the shore, leisurely passing the ghosts of people jogging during the day, families on their Sunday stroll, sniffing dogs and their shivering owners, and the occasional old couple watching the commotion from one of the benches now covered in ice and snow.

There was that look on his face again, the one that creased his forehead, paled the many freckles on his skin and drenched his eyes in a darker color. She didn’t like it, had always felt like there was something wrong with the world when a spirit such as Hiccup’s could be pulled out of the sky by something stronger than gravity.

She’d seen a variation of that look before, albeit a much heavier, soul-crushing one, not quite two years ago. And now she couldn’t bear it either.

“How’s your mom doing?” she tentatively asked.

He looked up as if surprised she was still there, in the world outside his own head. “Mom’s doing fine.” The creases were gone and he playfully kicked at a frozen clump of grass, and Astrid wondered if he had even realized he’d drifted off into his own galaxy there for a moment.

She bit her lip and, for the first time since it had invaded her head, voiced the thought that had been sitting in a corner of her mind for months and had only come out again recently. “I’m sorry. I feel like I haven’t been there for you enough.”

He stopped walking. “Where is this suddenly coming from?”

“Well…” she shrugged, searching the lake for words. “We realized we’d never hung out alone before. That makes me think that I probably also wasn’t there for you enough when your mom was, you know…” Almost dying of cancer. Even she wasn’t brave enough to say it out loud, for she hated what it did to the life in Hiccup’s eyes.

He regarded her for a minute, then gave her a reassuring smile and continued down the path again. “Don’t worry. You were actually the most helpful, you know.”

“Really?” She caught up to him and frowned, remembering several incidents where she probably could have been more tactful, blurting out bold words before her sensitivity could join the party. “How so?”

“You didn’t pamper me or act like I was a bomb ready to go off any second. You were real with me when everyone else pretended that everything was fine. I don’t think I ever said thank you, so… Thanks.”

The sincerity in his voice warmed her from the inside, untwisting the knot there, and she punched him lightly on the arm. “You’re welcome.”

He pretended to be hurt but the twitching corners of his mouth betrayed him, so he quit the dramatics and draped an arm over her shoulder. “I’m glad you’re my friend.”

When she glanced over, she was caught in his smile. It was so genuine and soft and so close that she couldn’t think of a witty comeback on the fly, so she just nodded. “Me too.”

They had slowed to a stop, standing there in a halfway hug. As if it had waited for the invitation, the weird sexual tension from before snuck back up on them, dashing down the path and enveloping them with a thousand volts that gave Astrid goosebumps all over her arms and back.

Hiccup was the first to clear his throat and step away, rubbing at his neck. She brought the light up to his face, illuminating his skin, and she wondered if it was red from the cold or something else.

Her own runny nose and numb cheeks reminded her of the cold as well, inciting a longing for her fluffy socks and warm, cozy bed. “Let’s head back.”

“Good idea, my toes are freezing off.”

“Rather your toes than your fingers,” she said before shaking her head, competitive grin back on her face. “Scratch that, I can beat you faster if you lose your fingers.”

“Milady!” Hiccup mock-gasped. “That’s so cruel. I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“Yeah, you did.”

He shrugged and nodded. “Okay, yes, I did.” When he bumped her shoulder with his own, she retaliated by shoving him, making him stagger precariously. He caught himself and used his momentum to come after her, chasing her down the path. Laughing, she ran ahead of him, back to the street, and scooped up a handful of snow that she hurled at him the moment he turned the corner. He’d anticipated the attack, though, and ducked just in time to avoid being hit in the face. When he came back up, his hands were already forming a snowball, and the game was officially on.

They reached her house completely covered in white. Hiccup’s hair was wet from the snow she’d showered him with after he had stuck a handful down the back of her shirt, and her mittens were soaked.

After she put their boots next to the heater and hung her jacket, she still felt the adrenaline from their battle coursing through her. When Hiccup was tugging at his clammy socks, she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

“Just letting you know that I’m going to the bathroom.” She even winked for good measure before she left the room, his eyes burning through her all the way down the hall.

Not much later, they were lounging on her bed again, warm and dry and competitive, drinking their energy drinks and handling their controllers as if it was second nature at this point.

“How’d it go at Doctor Mala’s?” Hiccup broke the silence after a while of concentrated racing, only to backtrack right after. “Um, sorry. You don’t have to answer that if it’s too personal.”

A quick glance reassured him she was smiling, not glaring at him ready to strike. Asking the friend you’ve prior to now never spent time alone with how their visit at the dermatologist went probably overstepped some kind of line.

“First of all, why wouldn’t I tell you? You’re one of my closest friends.” Upon him opening his mouth to object, she added, “Even though we never hung out alone before now. I don’t define my closest friends by that kind of bullshit argument. Second, she said all my moles look fine. Nothing to worry about.”

He hadn’t even noticed the tension in his shoulders before they relaxed at her words. With her family history of skin cancer, nothing to worry about was music to his ears. “That’s great. Both of what you said.” He bumped her elbow with his and earned her immediate complain.

“Hey, jackass! Are you trying to force me off the road?!”

“That’s the plan, Baby Peach.”

All she did in response was grumble and he was sure the name Waluigi was mentioned in the same breath as a few of her favorite swear words. The smile on his face was wiped clean, though, the second he took a look at the current positions of the characters and cursed. “We fucked up, Astrid. Look who’s up front!”

“What?!” She leaned forward and smacked her hands complete with controller on her crossed legs, exasperated. “Not him! He’s the most boring one!”

“Well, step on it, milady! We can’t let him win!”

For the next few races, they actually worked together to bring Mario down a few positions, burying their rivalry until he was defeated. After that, their truce was dropped immediately.

During a break in-between races, Astrid stretched her arms over her head and Hiccup had to avert his eyes when her shirt rode up a few inches and revealed a patch of skin right above the waistline of her sweatpants. The cute noises she made while stretching and yawning at the same time didn’t help at all and he felt his face go very warm.

“I don’t know about you,” she yawned, “but I could kill for some hot cacao right now. You want some?”

“Hm-hmm.”

“Sweet.” In one motion, she swung her legs over the edge of the bed, stood up and bounced on her toes. It took him a bit longer to get out of his comfortable position, tired as he was, so he accepted her outstretched hand gladly. He blamed it on his lack of sleep that he didn’t let go right away, allowing her to pull him out of the room before dropping her hand.

The kitchen still smelled of pizza, even though one window was slightly ajar. The underfloor-heating warmed his feet and for a minute he considered warming up a piece of the pizza. But he decided that would require too much effort. Instead, he was content with watching Astrid grab two mugs from her cupboard, fill them with milk and cacao powder and put them in the microwave.

She, too, had briefly considered eating more pizza. But her mind had gotten sidetracked when she’d looked over at Hiccup and found him staring bleary-eyed at the food. Her inner voice screamed cute so loudly, it drowned out every other thought.

She had to force herself back to her task at hand, which was to prepare the hot cacao, not to drool over the sight of her suddenly hard to resist friend. Sure, he’d always been adorable, but right now, when she looked at him in her kitchen in the middle of the night, wearing pajamas and leaning against the fridge like he belonged here, her heart began racing in her chest like it was a Mario Kart player and her stomach felt like it was zooming over Rainbow Road.

Where was all this coming from all of a sudden? She tried figuring out if she’d always felt this way or if it was just now developing at rapid speed, but she wasn’t capable of thinking clearly at the moment; she was way too distracted – and tired. Her fingers started twitching against the mugs as she put them in the microwave and set the timer.

For a minute, she watched the porcelain spin slowly as the invisible heat waves did their thing. When she turned around, she found Hiccup regarding her through sleepy eyes, and a sudden urge, spurred on by her raving heart, set her muscles into motion.

Before she could think about it, she crossed the space between them, grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked his lips down to hers. The muffled sound of surprise got stuck in his throat as he completely froze against her. When several moments had passed and he was still imitating a statue, the rational part of her brain caught up with her. This had been a very bad idea.

The ping of the microwave suddenly brought life back into Hiccup. He pulled back from her and awkwardly shuffled out of her grasp that left his shirt crumpled where her fist had held onto it like the tattered end of a rope dangling over a bottomless abyss.

“Oh, look at that,” he exclaimed, voice a little too loud, and dedicated his entire focus to the microwave and its content. “The hot cacao is done. Ow, and it’s hot!” An awkward chuckle escaped him while he fumbled with the mugs, avoiding looking at her at any cost. “Who would have thought, right? That hot cacao is hot? Not me, certainly.” He made a face as if he’d just bitten into a big lemon and regretted it deeply.

Astrid didn’t regret anything – but she had to admit, certain decisions of hers hadn’t played out very favorable. For once in her life, she should have thought before taking action. Her knack for impulse decisions had finally come to bite her in the butt. She knew Hiccup, and she knew he was going to avoid the whole topic for a while until he felt like the awkwardness of the situation had cooled down, and then he was going to avoid ever talking about it again.

But she wanted to talk about it. Because her impulses didn’t just happen, they were based on instinct. And her instincts had given her the impression that there was something between them tonight, a tension that certainly couldn’t have been only one-sided. Or was that just wishful thinking?

Her thoughts racing, she quietly followed Hiccup back to her room. Neither of them said a word as they settled back on the bed, quite some space between them. They sipped at their chocolate drinks and stared at the TV for a while until Astrid couldn’t take the uncomfortable silence anymore and exchanged her mug for her controller. Hiccup followed her lead and soon enough they were back at insulting each other over the game.

Astrid almost let out a sigh of relief when the awkward tension from earlier dissolved and made way for their usual playful banter. At some point, they would have to talk about what happened there in the kitchen, but for now, she was content with kicking his ass at a video game that he was way better at than she would have liked. He was serious competition and somehow, that sent a shiver down her spine as her lips tingled pleasantly.

After every race, the amount of liquid in their mugs became lesser and the final races came closer. They were head to head at the top of the ranking list, too far ahead of the rest of the characters to be outrun by anyone anymore. It was just her and Hiccup fighting for the ultimate victory, for the pride and bragging rights that came with it, and the privilege of receiving an extra Christmas present.

She tipped her head back to chug down the last of her chocolate, put her mug away and reached for her controller to start the next race, when Hiccup suddenly leaned towards her.

“Hold on,” he mumbled and lifted his hand to her face. “You got some foam right there.” His brows furrowed in concentration as his finger gingerly stroked over the skin at the edge of her lips. She didn’t dare to move when he hesitated to pull his hand back.

His fingers wandered further, every micromotion leaving fiery tingles in its wake. Her breath hitched when his skin touched her lips and lightly traced over every line and curve, with undivided attention to first her lower, then her upper lip. Transfixed, she didn’t realize she was leaning forward until he moved his hand to her neck and brought his face closer to hers, equally mesmerized.

This time, he didn’t freeze. The first brush of lips was chaste and hesitant, like he was testing the waters, as if her blatantly kissing him earlier hadn’t been obvious enough. When she leaned more firmly into him, signaling him that she wouldn’t reject him, he grew more confident, burying his other hand in her hair, pulling her closer. She sat on her legs and wrapped her arms around his neck.

He tasted like liquid chocolate, and when she slid her tongue along his lower lip, there was something else sugary, something more artificial – energy drink. Her heart was pounding, pumping blood through her veins that she was sure was made of sheer viscous caffeine.

Her chest felt like it was flooded with molten caramel, powered by the rush of soft lips meeting hers over and over again, of teeth colliding, followed by a breathy chuckle and a new approach to get it right. She tilted her head a little further and goosebumps broke out over her neck when the hand in her hair wandered lower to join the other.

Trivial concepts like time and space became irrelevant. If sleep hadn’t been pressing against the insides of her temple, she’d have embraced the idea of staying like this forever.

But, as bubblegum had been teaching humanity for ages, every bubble had to burst at some point. This particular one was maliciously speared by the razor-sharp tip of the pike that was her alarm clock.

She almost bit her tongue – or Hiccup’s, because who was to say at this point – in an effort to scramble up and get to her phone. She knew it was somewhere on her desk, discarded underneath various folders and clothes she’d thrown there while half-heartedly cleaning her room earlier that day. And there it was, blaring her latest favorite metalcore song, buried underneath a t-shirt and an old bra. After a few hectic swipes of her thumb, she shut the alarm off and shoved the bra back underneath the pile of chaos.

“Sorry, forgot to turn it off.” Blasted mood killer at seven in the morning!

When she turned around, though, she doubted Hiccup had heard a word of what she’d just said. He was sitting there staring in her general direction through foggy eyes, dreamy smile on his face. She settled back next to him, shoulder to shoulder, and experimentally said, “I really think Baby Peach is the best character of them all, seriously. And Waluigi? I’d do him, if you know what I mean.”

His elaborate answer consisted of an absentminded hum as his eyes never left her profile. Very nice, she could work with that.

Without further ado, she took her controller, leaned more comfortably against Hiccup and started the next race. She didn’t say a word, just concentrated on the game, a shrewd smile on her face. It wasn’t as if she was hiding anything from him. He just didn’t pay attention, and she wasn’t going to let that opportunity go in favor of her victory looming on the horizon.

It took him an embarrassing time of two laps around the race course to notice.

“Hey!” he complained, finally returning to planet Earth and grabbing his controller. “Now who’s the cheater?!”

Her grin only grew wider. “What am I supposed to do when you’re too busy staring at me?”

“How about ‘not cheat’?!” Waluigi slowly joined the race, his cart jerkily moving across the bumpy grass where he’d been catapulted by the other racers passing him on their war to victory.

“I wasn’t cheating,” she said with as much sweet innocence as she could muster, fully aware he wasn’t buying any of it. “I thought you would notice that the game was back on.”

He huffed and feigned being offended. “You did that on purpose. Is everything you do just a trick to make sure you win?”

“Of course. I thought you knew that by now, slowpoke.” And with that, she crossed the finish line. Despite his best efforts, Hiccup came in last, unable to make up for the distance even the slowest character had on him at this point.

With the advance Astrid had just gained, it was impossible for him to beat her now, and two races later, she threw her hands in the air with a cry of victory.

“YES! Eat my dust, losers! See that, Waluigi? I won!”

“Why do you have to say Waluigi’s name like it’s an insult? He would have destroyed you if you hadn’t cheated.” Hiccup pretended to sulk, but her cheery demeanor was contagious.

“Because Waluigi is…” she put her chin on his shoulder, “a big…” the hand holding her controller poked his cheek, “ugly…” it poked his forehead, “loooser!”

Hiccup pouted but she could see the corners of his mouth twitch. “You’re really proud of this, aren’t you? Winning in a family-friendly video game that children could play?”

“Don’t even try and play my victory down, loser. You know it’s an achievement.”

He raised an eyebrow and glanced at her from the corner of his eye. “You saying winning against me is an achievement? Because you’re right, it is. Not in your case, however, ‘cause you cheated, Baby Peach.”

In retort, she poked him in the side and watched with satisfaction as he winced. She repeated the motion and he continuously flinched away from her, until he grabbed her hands and pushed them away from him. “Stop tickling me, you’re defiling your already spoiled victory!”

“You said yourself that it’s not possible to cheat on Mario Kart.” Despite his efforts to keep her fingers at bay, she didn’t even think about giving up and pushed against his defense. “Hence, I won fair and square.”

“Can’t cheat in the game but can manipulate the other players. Fair and square my ass!”

“Are you trying to make me your enemy, loser?” She threw herself against him, successfully breaching his defense and tackling him to her bed for the second time that night. Once again, she felt the warmth of his body radiate through his clothes, could count the freckles on his face and admire the green of his eyes. This time, however, she didn’t get overwhelmed and push him off the mattress. And neither did he.

His arms enveloped her and pulled her closer until she was pressed down on his chest and her face was buried in his shoulder.

“Hmm,” he mused, “somehow, I feel like I won something, too.”

“You’re more cheesy than our pizza,” she told his shoulder, voice muffled against his shirt. Struggling against his hold on her, she tried to sit up, but he just tightened his arms around her.

“Nuh-uh, you’re not getting away! Ow!”

Kicking her knees into his bony legs seemed effective so she continued until he retaliated by jabbing his fingers into her sides. Now she was the one twitching from his attack, trying to escape while uncontrollable laughter filled her lungs and took her breath away.

After more than 24 hours of living on zero sleep and the adrenaline level built up by the caffeine crashing down, it wasn’t long until they both ran out of energy. Sitting up took a lot of joined effort, but it was worth it when she was leaning back against him in his loose embrace, his chin resting on her shoulder.

Outside her window, trees and roofs stood out as silhouettes against the dark gray sky. With every passing minute, a new detail appeared in the growing light. Soon enough, the first beam of golden fire glistened on the white mantle, illuminating the few silent snowflakes coming down from heady heights.

It was so comfortable, the picture so quiet and peaceful, the human blanket enveloping her so warm and cozy. The weight of her eyelids became heavier, the urge to succumb to sleep ever stronger. The land of dreams was calling for her like a siren singing for a poor sailor on his ship.

“You still awake?” the voice of her blanket mumbled.

“Hmm.”

The blanket stifled a yawn. “Do you think we would have ended up here sooner if we had hung out together much earlier?”

Astrid needed a minute to make sense of the words, her brain as foggy as the wafts of mist traveling through the fields outside her window. “Dunno, maybe. But for what it’s worth,” she opened her mouth wide for a yawn so long she almost forgot what she wanted to say, “but for what it’s worth, I always thought you were cute.”

The blanket chuckled and she could feel the low vibrations against her back. “I think I prefer sleep-deprived Astrid over regular Astrid. She says nice things to me.”

“Shut up.” For more she wasn’t capable. The talking blanket helped her lie under a different blanket and removed the socks from her feet before it settled back next to her.

“Sleep tight,” a voice she somehow associated with love songs, caramel and snowball fights whispered in her ear, and it was the last thing she remembered before she fell asleep.

The first time she woke up, she had trouble making sense of her surroundings. She was wearing her sweatpants and comfiest bra to sleep and there was someone sawing logs inside her room. Blinking her eyes open just a crack, she immediately closed them again against the light shining through her window like it was trying to blind her.

After a minute of orientation, she traced the lumberjack back to the extra body in her bed. With a groan, she half-heartedly shook it and complained, picking up an equally half-hearted sleep-filled apology before she felt the body change position, and the lumberjack was gone.

The second time she woke was when a heat wave broke out over her body. Her legs were cooking in her sweatpants and her bra was sticking to her skin. With closed eyes so they wouldn’t get burned by the light, she wiggled out of her pants and sat up to remove her bra, then teetered over to the window like a drunk person to open it a small crack.

When she settled back on her pillow, heat finally under control, a long arm sneaked over her waist and pulled her closer. Somehow, that new heat wasn’t that bad, and sleep pulled her back in.

#httyd #hiccstrid #hiccup haddock #astrid hofferson #ff #fanfiction #modern au #fluff #maja writes #mario kart

[2ofswords]

003 lara

How I feel about this character:  I love Lara! (Okay, yeah maybe I’m repeating myself, but I love a lot of these characters, okay?) She is one of my favorites and just the entire atmosphere of the shelter is so amazing and she is such an interesting character and so cool and strict at the same time and her sorrow is so tangible and her whole endeavor to help so sympathetic and compelling and urgh! I love my girl!

All the people I ship romantically with this character:  Oh dear… A lot of people. Lara/Eva: This one is just super cute and I think the both could really help each other! They’re both searching for their role in live and I think the other persons perspective could be really interesting for them. Also they both deserve a caring partner. Lara/Rubin: They both have a very aggressive way of caring, which could be super cute as well as hilarious. They are both so hard working and I could see them both having a lot of respect for this attitude and this “no words, no bullshit, only good deeds” thing. Sure as hell a power couple. Bi rights, everyone! Lara/Aspity: Okay, that one would obviously need for Lara to work through her racism bullshit, but I believe in her. And I think this pairing has a lot of potential. They’re literally so far apart from each other (both in the town’s placement as well as what this placement represents) but share a lot of beliefs with each other. They both have a shelter for people who need it and show compassion for those the rest of the town doesn’t think of. They also both (again) have the attitude of deeds over words (they even are the only ones with the “words without deeds fill a garden with naught but weeds” voiceline) and I think they would be a very interesting fit. Lara/Yulia: Troubled exes, baby! Okay, I just love two headstrong people bickering over their worldview. And Yulia as well as Lara obviously care and respect each other but have so different ways of thinking. (And the statement of Lara, that she thinks she’s cool but just hates the way she thinks and thinks she would be so amazing otherwise… gold.) I just love a good clash of ideology and there’s much to gain here! Lara/Artemy: More bi people. This is a milder one, but I think they’re cute together. They definitely care about each other and Lara can give Artemy the help and calm he needs. They also do understand each other’s sorrows. They’re very cute platonically as well, but even as my other ships with both of them are stronger, I think this one works either well without losing anything.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:  I will be honest, I would love to just put Lara+Artemy here, since I still love it platonically a bit more. The question above just told me to list all my ships and not only the one, I was specifically excited about… But I would be a fool, if I would not mention Grief, the last apple basket member, who I do not ship with Lara romantically but who should definitely be mentioned as a friend. I love his chaotic but good natured energy in contrast to Lara’s strict but caring attitude and I can see them as kids, where Grief would propose something stupid that Lara would sass but still get along with.

My unpopular opinion about this character:  It’s probably not an “unpopular opinion” but it’s a hot take about something I’ve seen. I really don’t think Lara is only the “token female” in the apple basket group and criticising her for being in it at all seems kind of sketchy to me, especially if the people magically only ship Rubin/Grief for the gang and Artemy with Daniil (or someone else not in the friend-group), so that there is no room for her in the interaction. Like… you do you and shipping them is fun and stuff, that’s not my problem at all. But maybe the reason you feel like she doesn’t have a place in the group and adds nothing is not because of the game at this point. Please don’t act like you can just abandon Lara and call her a “bad fit” to the group, she is her own character with her own agency and her own plot and her own reason to be in the apple basket gang as well as her own influence on the group dynamic. She is the one to tell Rubin off when he blames Artemy and he actually thinks that she was the one to gather everyone. She is the one actually reconciling with Grief and standing next to him in the post Diurnal end, while Rubin is keeping his distance. She is the one trying to protect everyone from taking the blame when she tries to shoot Block. She is the one, whose reflection reminisces of their old childhood friendship and reminds you of your bonds and how the group is connected through letting actions guide them. If you don’t like her, sure. People can like or not like whatever they want and there are other reasons to not want to engage with her. But it might not be the best look to use her being female specifically to defy her being a valid member of the gang. She isn’t just a token female character, because she’s so much more than that just by her agency in the narrative alone! She clearly adds to the group dynamic and the plot, so she the argument just doesn’t hold up. Yeah having only one female in the friend group is a bit cliche (especially when gay table seems to suffer from the same problem) but criticizing that female character for it – especially if she actually adds to the dynamic – is not the solution! You can engage with her, I believe in you!

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: As with all parts of the apple basket gang, addressing her racism properly and at least giving like one of them the chance to realize the shittyness of it would have been great and actually necessary. There isn’t even a chance to address it properly and that’s a real problem. I also miss the female aristocrats gang and their mischief, especially through the whole Block assassination questline. Maybe we’ll get more of that in another route though, that would be great!

My OTP: Lara/Rubin. Without a doubt. I think they’re a great fit for each other ^^

My OT3: Hm… I don’t have a set one. If we’re talking Patho1, I could see Lara/Yulia/Anna. Lady aristocrats are for each other (Sorry, I’m not over this term, thanks Yulia!) I’m trying to think of something with Lara and Eva, since I think Eva would be so open for a threesome. Maybe Lara/Eva/Yulia could be fun, but holy, Eva would have to mediate! “I love my two girlfriends” she said while said girlfriends had an aggressive make-out over some stupid debate.

#Lara Ravel #crimsondaisy #ask

[freddieslater]

For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart

(A rewrite of that one scene in season 1, episode 18, because it haunts me and I was wearing Klayley-goggles on my most recent rewatch.)

AO3

The entire feast is in chaos. Things were going fairly well in the beginning, as far as Klaus is concerned. He actually thought it was quite pleasant; the music, the champagne, the factions all mingling together, at peace with each other.

For the most part, anyway—he didn't miss Genevieve and the other two witches singling Davina out. He was sure his gift to her and Josh would more than make up for that, though.

But now, it's taken a turn for the worst. Damn Marcel and those bloody drummers. The second they march their way down the stairs and announce they've come on behalf of him, Klaus tenses, straightening up, and prepares for chaos. And chaos is what comes. 

The scent of blood clings to the air, thick and heavy, and far too strong for the vampires to ever be able to resist. Klaus almost wants to laugh at Elijah's attempt to dissuade them from acting on their impulses, as if he's some sort of vampire tamer. He would find it amusing if a certain werewolf weren't in their midst and the risks were far lower. 

The vampires growl like the werewolves they so despise, eyes turning red while veins claw at their skin. Klaus' eyes dart around the room, readying himself with a plan already formed and about to be set in motion. Before he can take even one step, the lights go out.

Screams emit from all around him instantly, the room filled with snarls and the distinct sound of teeth ripping apart flesh. Klaus' heart leaps into his throat, and everyone's racing to move in a panic as he manages to make out the vampires lunging at the bleeding drummers. Some don't even bother to reserve their hunger for the humans as a witch screams out in agony as her neck is torn into.

He's moving before he can register what he's doing, making his way through the darkness with ease. His eyes dart all over the place as he tries to tune out Genevieve's calls to the witches for the safety of the Harvest girls. A vampire lunges out in front of him, momentarily blocking his path as they pounce on the drummer in his way.

He pulls them back by the collar of their jacket, dislodging them from their meal, and sends them flying back across the room with a flick of his wrist before hurrying forward. He's searching in the dark, trying to follow those two heartbeats, but it's nearly impossible to pick them out from the rest. 

The room is suddenly lit back up as the lights are flipped back on. Everyone scatters in the blink of an eye, and all around him where he looks are dead bodies, blood seeping into the carpet in little pools all across the room. 

His eyes lock onto a familiar black dress. As Hayley pushes herself up on her hands, Klaus rushes to her, by her side before she's even halfway up. She looks at him, her lips parted as if having been about to speak. Nothing comes out, though, and he's far too focused on something else. 

He brushes his thumb over her eyebrow, stopping the drip of blood that's tracked its way down from the top of her head. He eyes it with worry and tries to suss out the damage, ignoring the wide-eyed suspicion on Hayley's face.

"It's alright," he says to her, wrapping an arm around her. "Come on, love. Let's get you out of here."

She's slightly dazed from the blow, he can tell, and so she nods, though her eyes flit around them. He carefully gets her to her feet, steadying her with the arm still securely around her middle. He pauses for just a moment, and his eyes lock with Elijah's a few feet away. Then, he turns, gently urging Hayley along with him. 

They're halfway from the building when Hayley seems to get her wits about her, straightening up a little underneath the hand he still has settled on the small of her back, just to be sure. 

"I can get home myself," she tells him with a bite to her voice, and she says home in such a way as if he's secretly trying to take her down a different road, back to the compound, he supposes. 

He can't help but find it amusing that she seems to think he's in agreement with Elijah on his insistence on trying to make her move out of the bayou. If anything, he'd prefer she stayed there. Maybe she wouldn't get into the middle of situations like the one tonight.

"Oh, I'm well aware of that," he says with a slight smile.

He falters, though, as he glances at her and she stays staring straight ahead. Sighing quietly, he stops walking, reaching for her arm for her to do the same. She obliges, though with confusion, and he softens his voice as he speaks to her suspicious gaze. 

"It would merely bring me comfort to see that you get back to the bayou," he admits. "After all, there could still be some savage vampires roaming these streets, and they're always looking to pick a fight these days. Not that I'm not certain you could handle them on your own, but..." his smile grows a little as he tilts his head, "...I would feel better about ensuring your return home. That's all. I'll leave right away, I swear."

Surprise flickers in Hayley's eyes, unhidden as she's clearly caught off guard, but he holds her gaze, needing her to know he's being sincere. The thought of letting her find her own way back to the bayou, still injured and bleeding, doesn't sit right with him. She nods again, slower this time, and looks away as she agrees.

He drops his hand, keeping them away from her this time as they begin walking again. No matter how much he wants to reach back out every time he glances at her on the way there.

They reach the bayou in no time. His pace slows a little, falling out of step with Hayley as he admires the place. It's much prettier than he remembers it being the last time he saw it. Perhaps it's the romanticizing of the moonlight that's doing it; Rebekah was constantly going on about it and he never had any idea what she was on about half the time. For him, the moonlight was a curse. Something to be hated, to be wished would never come and feared when it inevitably came near. 

But now, he thinks he can see it from her eyes. It reflects across the water, mingling with the soft glow of the lanterns strung up all around them, closing in the little cabin and the many tents that litter the area. It almost looks cozy. Far more like a home for a wolf than the compound could ever be. 

There are people sat around a fire in the middle, he notices as he shakes the feeling off and picks his pace back up only to join Hayley as she comes to a stop at the edge of the clearing, surrounded by a cluster of trees. They're talking quietly amongst themselves, perched happily on logs. Laughing and joking. They look at peace. Like a family. He supposes that's what a real pack is meant to be. 

Even from afar, Klaus can see the relief on Jackson's face when he happens to lift his head and look right at them. His eyes widen, locking onto Hayley, a smile starting to form for a split second. Then it drops, and he stands, suddenly alert as his eyes slide over to Klaus and stay there, wary of his presence. 

Hayley turns to face him, and he looks down at her expectantly. She parts her lips as if to speak. It feels like she wants to say something, but she falters, her mouth closing again for a second as she seems to try and figure it out. He makes a decision, even though every part of him doesn't like it.

"Go," he tells her softly, motioning his head to the rest of her pack. "Be with them. And..."

He eyes her forehead and slowly lifts a hand, gently stroking the pad of his thumb across the track of blood. It's mostly dry now, he realizes with another pang of relief. Still, something twists deep inside of him at the sight of it. 

"...make sure you get that seen to."

He then swiftly drops his arm and takes a step back faster than she can blink. Forces himself to, because he's letting himself linger too long. That doesn't stop something pulling at him from inside, regretting the action. But that's exactly why he had to do it. This isn't right. 

Hayley does blink, her eyes widening a touch as she seems to try and process whatever just happened. Klaus honestly can't even figure it out either, and he doesn't think he wants to. It's more difficult when she's staring up at him through her lashes like she is now, not saying a word. 

That same soft glow off the lanterns and the moonlight frame her now. She looks like a painting with the bayou as her backdrop. Only adding to the perfect picture of beauty that even he would never be able to capture in a million more years with any brush or canvas. One would describe her as breathtaking in that black dress, that chain settled so perfectly on her chest, with her red-tinted lips, and even the wound on her head—and they would be right. 

His heart aches, and Klaus hasn't really yearned for anything since Vivianne Lescheres, yet, here Hayley is. Standing right in front of him but still completely out of his reach. Making him feel the things he was certain that he couldn't anymore. Had sworn that he never would again for fear of what it would do to him, how badly it would destroy him a second time if he were to have to lose her, too. 

"Uh, yeah," Hayley says slowly, as if in a daze, and coincidentally snapping him from his own. She shakes her head, but she doesn't look so sure about the action. "I'll...I'll definitely get it checked. Probably nothing though."

Klaus nods back in agreement, because he can't imagine the alternative. He hopes she's right. His eyes flick down to her stomach for a brief moment, unable to stop himself. Hayley must notice as he takes in a breath as she carefully places her hand on the bump as if to comfort both him and the baby in some way.

"We'll be fine, Klaus," she says softly, reassuring.

He lifts his eyes back to meet her gaze. "I don't doubt that for a second, Little Wolf," he tells her sincerely with a faint smile. 

She can take care of herself, he knows very well, and she wouldn't let any harm come to their child. He trusts her. Which is why he forces himself to look back down at the swampy dirt beneath his feet that's trying to suck his shoes beneath it, something inside of him giving him a shove as a reminder. 

He draws in a deep breath, quickly composes himself before anything can slip more than it may already have due to his foolish moment of weakness, and looks back up at her once more. 

"I should get going then," he says, set on making good on his promise, already taking a reluctant step away from her. "Have a nice night, love."

He's ready to leave, turning on his heels to make his departure. Perhaps go home and drink a bottle or two and maybe get an answer from Elijah about what the hell happened back at the feast. Marcel, obviously, but he needs an explanation, and preferably one that allows him to hit something. 

"Klaus, wait," Hayley blurts out. 

He immediately stops in his tracks out of mere surprise alone, but quickly turns back to her. She seems just as startled to realize she spoke aloud, but she draws herself up and glances over her shoulder with a thoughtful look on her face. After a moment's deliberation with herself and Klaus patiently waiting, she seems to come to some sort of decision.

"Gimme just...one second," she says, holding up a finger for him to stay put.

He falters, uncertain as his eyebrows draw together in confusion. His lips part to question her, but she has this pleading look on her face, just asking him not to go anywhere, and that aching deep inside of his chest, tucked away beneath his ribs returns stronger than ever. How could he say no to her?

He presses his lips together in a smile and simply nods his agreement to oblige. Her face lights up in a way he hasn't seen in a while, determination written into her features. Determined to do what, he doesn't know, but he's sure he'll find out. 

She turns away from him and finally strides over to join the rest of the wolves, all waiting for the arrival of their queen. Klaus can't help but watch her.

He watches Jackson embrace her without hesitation, wrapping her up in a tight hug, their smiles bright as they greet each other. The relief on his face as he closes his eyes for that split second and presses his face into her shoulder. His worry when he pulls back and finally notices the blood on her forehead. 

Klaus' stomach clenches as he reaches up to touch it with concern, his mouth moving as he speaks. Hayley brushes it off, gently waving his hand away before he can come in contact. Her smile lingers even then, even as she talks, addressing them all as one. They're all enraptured by her, that much is obvious. Looking at her like she hung the moon, and the stars, and gave them everything in the world. Awe-stricken puppies, full of fondness and love. Klaus smiles. 

"A queen indeed," he mutters to himself, the statement never feeling truer.

She says something else, but he's too enraptured by her like the rest of them to pick up on it until he notices the change in the wolves around her. They all tense up, suddenly seeming on edge. Some even glance his way. Jackson and his little sidekick, Oliver, included. 

He shifts on his feet uncertainly and sets his jaw under their scrutiny, lifting his head. Simple method of intimidation that usually works on packs when it comes from someone like him. But he notices Hayley put a hand on Jackson's arm, speaking again, and this time, the cold, hard stare he's giving him falters. 

A beat passes as he glances from him to Hayley and back again. Then he nods despite Klaus getting the feeling that he would rather be doing anything else just by the look on his face alone. Oliver doesn't look any more pleased about whatever's going on. Some of the wolves seem a little unsure, some just as wary as their leaders, and some looking unfazed.

Hayley nods back to Jackson, her smile lighting up her face even from so far away. She then leaves Jackson's side and quickly makes her way back across the bayou, approaching him. He composes himself, raising his eyebrows in questioning curiosity as she stops in front of him.

"So...would you maybe wanna stay a little while?" she asks carefully, something different about her voice as she does. Strangely shy, nervous, almost worried about his response. It would seem like an act that he would expect her to pull out for a joke if it weren't for the glint of sincerity he catches in her eyes as she looks up at him like that again. 

She nods her head back to the wolves, swaying side-to-side ever so slightly. He barely glances at them, his eyes fixed on her. How could they not be, he thinks.

"They all agreed to play nice," she adds as if to convince him, and when she looks back up at him, she flashes that smile at him. "You are technically one of us, after all. And...some of them wouldn't mind getting to know you better. Might even make them less hostile toward you."

Klaus feigns a scoff, his mouth stretching as something in his chest tightens at hearing her call him one of her them. 

"And why would I want that?" he jokes, but actually takes a moment to look over at the pack now. Some are still watching with piercing gazes, others already gone back to their previous positions and conversations. 

"Because a good king doesn't rule with hostility," Hayley says, surprising him. "He rules with respect. And kindness, though I know that one's trickier for you, so maybe just stick with respect and civility."

Klaus actually laughs, looking away from her, shaking his head. Part of him does wonder if she's right. Perhaps a little less hostility and aggression wouldn't be so bad. It might even make some part of New Orleans somewhat safer and easier to work with. If the wolves of the bayou trust him more than they clearly do now, perhaps it could help.

He looks at Hayley as he considers. She tilts her head, her eyebrows raising the slightest bit. There's still blood on her forehead, but she doesn't seem to care one bit as she smiles, hopeful. It does something to him; it's like he melts on the inside, the hard edges of his defences softening a little, and the idea doesn't actually seem so bad. 

He draws himself up, smiling as he takes a deep breath as if still thinking, his eyes drifting back to the wolves. "I suppose it couldn't hurt to stay a little while." He shifts his gaze back to her, meeting her eyes. "As long as you're sure you want me to? I did make a promise to you, after all, that I would leave as soon as I saw you were home."

Something flickers in Hayley's expression and her smile widens. She nods.

"I'm sure, Klaus," she says, and he can hear that she means it. "I want you to stay."

Hearing it makes something twist inside of him but it's not unpleasant. He nods again and stretches an arm out in front of him, gesturing back toward the rest of the pack. 

"Then it would be my pleasure. After you, Little Wolf."

Hayley rolls her eyes and grabs his wrist as she starts walking back over, pulling him with her. His heartbeat jumps in surprise, and he can't help but eye her hand wrapped around his wrist as he happily obliges, following behind her. A smile spreads back across his face. He ducks his head, warmth pooling in his chest and spreading, even as Hayley drags him along to properly introduce him. 

He isn't exactly met with open arms, but they're not tearing his throat out either. It's strange, he thinks as Hayley takes a seat on the ground after refusing to let anyone give up their seat, and he sits down beside her without a second thought. How he feels less out of place than he thought he would. There are a couple of wary glances thrown about, but he brushes them off with ease.

Soon enough, it almost feels like the tension lifts from the air as the wolves regain their lighthearted bubble, the laughing and joking starting back up. Klaus will admit to joining in every now and then, and he won't admit that he smiles a little wider and laughs a little harder when Hayley looks at him like that.

Something about the bayou, and the wolves that he thought he couldn't trust, who weren't his kind yet feel familiar in a strange way. He isn't sure what it is, but it's an interesting feeling, and the bayou isn't looking like such a bad place for Hayley and their daughter to be. Perhaps he just needs to spend more time there, with the pack. With Hayley. He certainly wouldn't mind that.

#klayley #klaus mikaelson #hayley marshall #the originals #tvd #fanfiction stuff #I have absolutely no idea if this is actually gonna show up in the tags #but I'm gonna post it here anyway #because it's easier to reblog instead of the link #so here we go! #some pining klayley

[shimosu]

Alcides/Heracles one shot

~~~

"... Alcides."

At the call of that name, strong blue eyes opened.

"... Ah." His eyes widened, remembering he was working out to become stronger. He must've dozed off and fallen asleep at some point.

Not registering his own vision, he moved to sit up quickly, but a hand touched his head and covered his eyes, accompanied with a voice.

"Don't get up."

"(Reader), what are you doing?" he asked, his eyes covered and leaving him unable to see clearly, but he knew he was on his side.

"You need to take a break, geez. Don't ask me that, it's embarrassing."

The hand moved from his face, and touched his hair. As the hand moved away, he could see more clearly now, though his vision was still blurry from opening his eyes suddenly.

It wasn't too bright, or too dark. The sky was slowly darkening, kind to his eyes that wouldn't need to be faced immediately with the Sun's glare, or the darkness he couldn't see into.

From the hill with a single tree on top, that was where he was watching from. The dark sky slowly falling on the place he was born and raised in; Thebes, which was illuminated with the yellow glow of oil lamps and candles.

He realized his head wasn't on the ground. He was resting his head on something. That person's voice was coming from above him.

"... (Reader), is my head on your lap?"

"I said it was embarrassing, don't ask me that."

He turned his head to face up, and saw (Reader)'s face at an angle. With red cheeks, their hand covered his eyes again and pushed his head to lean on its side once more.

"Don't look this way."

He didn't move his head to face them anymore, his own cheeks dusting red. From their view, Alcides's ears were slowly flushing.

Letting out a breath, their hand moved to his hair. Stroking his spiky hair, Alcides's tenseness melted away.

"... Where's Castor? Wasn't he here?"

"Ah. He left us be. Not sure where he is right now, but I'm sure he's fine."

"It's getting late."

"That's why I was calling you. We should get going now. But we can stay like this for a bit."

"Ahh, alright."

They were silent, (Reader) simply touching his hair and Alcides allowing himself to take a break.

"... You're carrying me, though, my legs are numb."

He laughed. "Okay!"

. . .

Time passed.

Alcides, who had kept up his hard work, had shown results.

His back was tall and straight, and his limbs were toned and muscular. His jaw stayed strong, and his hair was longer.

But he was still the same Alcides. His face was essentially the same, other than looking a bit more grown up, and inside, he was the exact same.

Despite having a body he could boast about, he stayed to his beliefs and didn't allow himself to become conceited. He still protected the weak, jumped into stuff without much thought, worked toward his goals, and loved humanity.

At this point, no one dared to make fun of him.

But then, the year 2000 BC arrived.

In the dark night, the clouds began moving. A bright light, not belonging to the moon, shone from the sky like the gates of heaven opening up. The clouds parted for this light, and numerous figures descended from the sky.

There were winged beings, beings with large bodies, and they all donned armor and wielded weapons. Leading them, was a tall, burly man with a strong cleft chin.

Wearing an intricate helmet, a red cape, and a loincloth, he didn't even have anything on his feet, for he wore only those items. He was mounted on, and leading the army with, a flaming, armored horse.

And everyone knew, the moment they descended from the sky, that these figures were sent from the gods.

. . .

The army landed on the earth's surface, landing before the city's walls and gates. Ares led at the front.

The gates should open. Even if they weren't permitted access, they would force their way in.

No one was to oppose them.

But in the city, lived Alcides.

Alcides stood before the whole army, alone and armed with a single stick, the gates locked tightly behind him.

Castor, (Reader), and a few others watched from the top of the walls.

After surviving a kick from Ares, Alcides brought out Ambrosia -a goblet of Zeus's blood, said to grant eternal life and strength of the gods, to anyone with a righteous soul-, which he was hiding, and drank it, wagering his life.

"IDIOT!"

(Reader) couldn't help shouting out when he began burning away. Castor screamed, as mist and steam poured out from Alcides's melting body.

Ares, believing he was done for, only accepted it and moved on. His horse took a step forward, but stopped as Alcides's stick stuck itself in front of Ares's face.

And turning his head to the one wielding that stick, reflected in Ares's eyes, was Zeus.

But it was only Alcides. Having withstood Ambrosia, he granted immortal life, and godly strength. His hair was white and long all around. His strong body became similar to that of Ares's.

And then, began a fight of one man against the army of the gods.

***

Castor looked down at the sleeping Alcides.

Free of stress, deep in slumber, his face looked so innocent, reminiscent of a sleeping infant.

It was completely different from when he was awake. His face would be determined, tense, sweaty, his jaw clenched as he could be found doing pushups, standing with his arms out in front of weaker ones to protect them, and running in with no plan.

"Alcides is like a baby right now," Castor said as he looked down at him.

(Reader) flicked his forehead. "Let him sleep, Castor. You know he won't admit that he needs it."

With a dull, thin pain on his forehead, he kept quiet, knowing that Alcides could spring up the moment he heard anything related to pain.

"Alright. I'll leave you two be. Don't spend all night here, though."

"I know. Let him rest now, we both know he'll do something dumb later."

The two laughed with each other, but keeping it down, for Alcides.

***

"Woah.."

Having watched the fight from the beginning, Alcides had taken down the army. Left standing, were Alcides and Ares, who at this point, were just brawling it out, fist to fist.

The fight was stopped by an old man who looked emancipated, but he was apparently Zeus.

The fight stopped, Alcides was offered to become a god, and he accepted, on the condition that they never harm humanity, and instead lead them to justice, also declaring that he would protect the weak and just.

(Reader), having been dragging out Castor and ramming a hole in the gates from where Alcides crashed into, got outside the city to Alcides, and caught him, helping him sit up.

""Alcides!!""

Castor had tears in his eyes. "You're really crazy... Next, you're going to be a god..?"

"Castor..." With a grin, his fistbumped him. "Guess I'll be heading off for a bit."

(Reader) was actually crying.

Ares, at the sight of someone crying up close, felt himself freeze.

Yup. Even Ares, who could fight to the death and punish others, was weak to someone crying in front of him.

"Why did you..?" There were lots of questions they wanted to ask. They wanted to yell at him, they wanted to be mad. But they also wanted to cry, hug him, ask him questions, and know if he was alright.

"You're becoming a god!" they decided to shout, while kicking Alcides's side. That hurt them instead, it was like kicking a boulder barefoot. "We can't see each other anymore!"

With both of his big arms, he grabbed both Castor and (Reader), and hugged them tightly.

They all shared the same thought, at that moment.

―― We won't ever meet again.

The strong figure of Alcides, who could be described as strong-willed or just the embodiment of dumb innocence and determination, continuing to walk on forwards, would never be seen again.

They wouldn't see each other grow older. They wouldn't see them the day after with certainty. This would be the last time they could be together.

―― I'll, never see you again.

Castor and (Reader) came to his mind.

But standing out the most, was the latter.

Their steps following him. Their hands touching his hair. Their figure, their face, their touch, their voice, their laughter, their habits, all of that was burned into his brain.

―― I don't want to leave just like this.

"Uugh..."

"... (Reader)," he ended up letting out in a breath, sounding heavy, "I like you."

"Oohh." Ares, Zeus, and Castor immediately kept quiet.

Alcides would rather confess it now, than never again, and let them live the rest of their life without him, and without knowing what he felt.

He would remember all of it.

Their voice calling after him. Angry, sad, encouraging, exasperated, joyous, soft, he would remember how they sounded, looked, and acted, in all sorts of moods.

The careful touch of his hair, as he laid in their lap, from the top of the hill that overlooked their birthplace. The place they were born and raised.

Their weight on his back, as he carried them on his back when their legs were asleep, jolting and trusting him to be able to hold them up.

Their eyes widening, shining, whenever something cool happened. Every little thing about them, he liked. Even when they were mad, it was cute, and only felt like the scolding was from worry.

Like an unattainable treasure, he couldn't have them stay by his side.

"Sorry, to load that onto you when I'm about to leave-"

"Wait." Before he could finish his apology, he was interrupted. Looking at them, he saw their face contemplative, obviously searching for words, but not knowing what to say, their face red.

Willing themself to look at him, an ocean of tears in their eyes, in their vision, was their first love.

Memories of the time they spent together replayed in their heads.

(Reader) smiled.

Those watering eyes produced a single droplet that streamed down their cheek.

"... Maybe we might meet again. Who knows how... I like you too."

"... If I wasn't leaving, I would totally ask you to marry me right now."

Great, Alcides was crying too.

Hugging them firmly, they only nodded, their lips hovering close to his ear.

"Okay," they whispered, before kissing his cheek.

. . .

Many years passed. Thousands.

(Reader) and Castor died. Everyone from that moment, except Alcides, Ares, and Zeus, were dead.

But then, the citizens were alive again, no longer in their city.

They were in a sort of arena, where they were told of how humanity would fight the gods for the right to survive another thousand years.

They were all physically in the stage of their prime again, at the stage where they were at their best. Rarely, was anyone an elder.

"Where are you going, (Reader)?" Castor asked.

"If they say gods, doesn't that include Alcides!?" Not saying anymore, they ran off, despite not knowing where to look.

. . .

Alcides -or now named, Heracles- was found, going up a spiral of stairs.

(Reader) found them, but because they tripped on the stairs, just as Heracles came up.

"Sorry," he said, catching them and helping them straighten out.

They stood two steps higher than Heracles. Looking at each other's faces, Heracles was the first to remember, his eyes widening and shining.

"... (Reader)?"

"... Um." His face was different. But his eyes were still the same, and his hair was similar in style, and his figure was the same as the one after Ambrosia. He also still had the same thick eyebrows. "Alcides?"

They had not changed in the least.

―― What, do I say?

Heracles was at a loss for words, not knowing what to do.

So (Reader) acted instead.

On the stairwell, where there were visibly only two people -a human and a demigod- there was a small sound of the touching of lips.

Heracles blinked dumbly, as it ended after only a few seconds.

―― For now, let's just forget that we're fighting for humanity's fate.

"... Do you want to talk about what happened after you left?"

#this didn't save so this is probably a lesser version of what it was supposed to be #I have written this over again seven times and it has not saved any of those attempts #AAAAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHH #oneshot #one shot #ror #nv #recordofragnarok #record of Ragnarok #shuumatsunovalkyrie #shuumatsu no valkyrie #alcides #castor #heracles #XAlcides #XHeracles #ares #zeus #reader #(reader) #trying to stay gender neutral #heracles one shot #hercules #Alcides one shot

[skillsaus-blog]

Understanding others' Feelings

Understanding others' feelings is a very powerful thing. Not only can this help you make your partner feel closer to you, but it can also lead to a stronger, more satisfying relationship. Here are some of the things you should know about understanding others' feelings. If you are looking for ways to make your love life even better, then read on.

When you're with people, you feel a lot of things. You get bored, frustrated, excited, and downright tired. And you know that feeling of being in the wrong place. It can be easy to let these feelings push you away. If you want to bring your partner close to you again, you need to learn how to understand others' feelings.

The way you act in a relationship is a direct reflection of how you relate to others. So when you find yourself acting angry or happy, it's not because you're happy or angry, it's because you're behaving in a way that makes you feel good. Understanding other's feelings is one of the best ways to correct your behavior so you can make others feel good.

As you exercise, notice how you breathe: shallow, long, etc. As you listen to someone talk, look at their breathing: long, short, fast, or slow. They're getting exactly what they want from the conversation.

You need to think about all the different perspectives you have about a situation. When you take into account everyone's viewpoint, you start to realize that not everyone sees things the same way.

Understanding others' feelings can help you understand yourself. Each of us has a different way of relating to the world. Once you take all the perspectives you've had about something and put them all together, you will start to realize how the world works and what it takes to achieve your goals.

This type of understanding is very important in increasing your emotional intelligence. We all know how to react in certain situations, but we rarely do anything about it. An excellent way to learn how to interpret others' feelings is by taking a look at how you respond in different situations.

There are two types of understanding: Analytical and Synthetic. Synthetic understanding is a little easier to work with because it's already in your mind. If you know what you're feeling, you can do something about it. If you have no idea what you're feeling, then understanding others' feelings is much harder to do.

Synthetic understanding is easier to come by when you're dealing with people you really know well. Say for example, your boss, a good friend, or someone whom you can open up to. In this case, understanding others' feelings is a lot easier.

Understanding others' feelings doesn't mean you have to just take their word for it, but it's very effective for relationship building. There are a number of reasons for this.

Let's say your significant other is having some problems with her boss, but you think she's just a little bit unfair. Now, you've taken her feelings into consideration, and you can see that the boss does deserve it, but maybe she doesn't deserve it all. You can then understand why he did it.

Understanding others' feelings is a wonderful way to communicate with your loved ones. In fact, it will be even more effective if you can come up with a way to communicate with them in a different way. You'll learn how to take their feelings into consideration without having to be theone to do it.

Sources

This brief scanned the following sources (title, domain, description):

There Are Actually 3 Types of Empathy. Here's How They Differ--and How You Can Develop Them All (inc.com) - Understanding the 3 types of empathy can help you build stronger, healthier relationships.

Understanding Other People (for Teens) - Nemours KidsHealth (kidshealth.org) - Being able to predict how other people might feel, act, or react is a skill that helps us build better relationships. These tips can help you develop the skill of understanding others.

Understanding Others (psychologytoday.com) - Understanding other peoples' feelings is a catalyst for human connection.

Understanding Others (skillsyouneed.com) - Understanding others is crucial to developing empathy, a key part of emotional intelligence. Learn more about the skills that enable it.

Try to Understand Others (psychologytoday.com) - Tilt toward the positive, which is not looking at the world through rose-colored glasses. Given the brain's negative bias, you're only leveling the playing field.

Empathy And Understanding Others - Improve Your Social Skills (improveyoursocialskills.com) - Learn how to empathize with others, understand your own emotions, and avoid interpersonal conflicts and misunderstandings.

Understanding others' feelings: what is empathy and why do we need it? (theconversation.com) - While we need empathic skills to relate to others sometimes, too much empathy can be a bad thing.

Understanding Others' Emotions : How Do We Do It? (medium.com) - It's a Saturday night and you've just walked into a crowded room at a friend's party. The room is bumping and everyone is having a good time. As you turn the corner you recognize an old friend…

Understanding Another Person's Emotions An Interdisciplinary Research Approach (ncbi.nlm.nih.gov) - An interdisciplinary research perspective is developed concerning the question of how we understand others' emotions and how reliable our judgment about others' emotion can be. After an outline of the theoretical background of emotions, we briefly discuss ...

How to Help Your Child Develop Empathy (zerotothree.org) - Yes, you can help your child be more empathetic! Try these practical tips to help infants and toddlers develop empathy and understand that others have different thoughts and feelings than they do.

Empathy - Wikipedia (en.wikipedia.org) -

Ages & Stages: Empathy (scholastic.com) - Empathy is an important gateway to social and emotional growth in children. Poole, Miller and Church discuss how to nurture empathy in children at various age and develop

The Psychology of Emotional and Cognitive Empathy (lesley.edu) - The study of empathy is an ongoing area of major interest for psychologists and neuroscientists, with new research appearing regularly.

People with autism can read emotions and feel empathy (spectrumnews.org) - The notion that people with autism lack empathy and cannot recognize other people’s feelings is wrong.

understanding others' feelings Crossword Clue, Crossword Solver (wordplays.com) - Answers for understanding others' feelings crossword clue. Search for crossword clues found in the Daily Celebrity, NY Times, Daily Mirror, Telegraph and major publications. Find clues for understanding others' feelings or most any crossword answer or clues for crossword answers.

Understanding Others' Feelings: The Role of the Right Primary Somatosensory Cortex in Encoding the Affective Valence of Others' Touch (jneurosci.org) - Brain imaging studies in humans have shown the existence of a shared somatosensory representation in the primary somatosensory cortex (S1), putatively involved in understanding others' sensations ([Keysers et al., 2010][1]); however, the role of S1 in such a high-level process is still unknown. To ascertain the causal involvement of S1, and its possible hemispheric lateralization, in encoding the affective valence of emotional scenes, depicting, or not, a tactile event, we gave to healthy participants a picture-based affective go/no-go task and low-frequency repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation (rTMS). The dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (DLPFC) was chosen as control site. rTMS over the right, but not the left, S1 selectively increased the participants' latencies in the affective go/no-go task, but only when the affective state was conveyed by touch; intriguingly, this interfering effect was associated with the empathic ability to adopt the subjective perspective of others. The left, not the right, DLPFC is also involved in affective go/no-go performance, but regardless of the sight of touch, and independently of empathic abilities. This novel evidence demonstrates the crossmodal role of right S1 in encoding the pleasant and aversive consequences of others' sensations evoked by touch. [1]: #ref-24

Communication: How to Understand Others' Feelings for Relationships (6seconds.org) - Do you want to know how to understand people more easily? A starting point is a wide-spread lie we tell others -- and ourselves. Here's how to connect on a deeper level.

Topics

These topics were mentioned multiple times across various sources:

theory of mind

facial expression

Cognitive empathy

Emotional Intelligence

social behavior

emotional response

mirror neuron

mental state

emotional state

frontal cortex

interpersonal relations

body language

affective empathy

empathic concern

Emotion recognition

Emotional empathy

emotional information

personality disorder

mirror neuron system

cingulate cortex

neural basis

interpersonal relationships

empathic accuracy

empathic reaction

empathic understanding

empathic behavior

empathy skills

brain area

empathic feeling

Social Cognitive

Questions

These are some relevant questions found across sources:

What is Empathy?

What empathy is (and what it's not)

How is empathy measured?

How Do We Empathize?

Can empathy be selective?

How did you know what he was feeling?

How to Help Your Child Develop Empathy

What is she feeling?

What You Can Do To Nurture Empathy in Your Toddler

Why do we need it?

#training

[artificialqueens]

Royals 2/9: For the High Life (Branjie)- athena2

A/N:Thank you so much for all the feedback and interest on Chapter 1! Things get going a little more in this chapter, and I hope you enjoy. Thank you so much to writ for beta-ing, your comments on this chapter made me cackle and you’re just awesome. Chapter title (and all upcoming ones) from Love song by Lana del Rey because that song has me way too emotional. I would really appreciate any feedback and comments, they really do mean a lot to me!

—

It seems that all people do in the north is freeze.

Vanessa had gone to bed freezing, smothered in blankets to stop her teeth chattering, fire crackling in her room, and wakes up still freezing, fire reduced to ash.

Even the breakfast is cold, and Vanessa chews on bacon with a grumble.

“Is the food alright?”

And there’s Princess Perfect, asking how she’s doing like she cares. It’s barely morning and Brooke doesn’t have a hair out of place. Even the purplish shadows under her eyes can’t distract from her imposing figure, looming over Vanessa across a table set for the two of them.

“Yes,” Vanessa replies acidly. “Just a little cold.”

“My apologies. It was hot an hour ago. Nina probably thought you’d be awake when I was; I’m an early riser,” Brooke says quietly, her plate already cleared. Of course you are, Vanessa thinks. Brooke probably woke up before sunrise to prepare for royal council meetings. “I could ask her to bring a fresh breakfast if you’d like,” Brooke offers.

Vanessa would rather eat raw bacon than give Brooke the satisfaction, and her crunches are the only sound in the pristine white room.

Brooke clears her throat. “We have a meeting with our parents after breakfast,” she informs Vanessa. Brooke’s voice is one of a fully-grown queen, not a 19-year-old princess. She had probably spewed proper speech from her cradle.

“I know.”

“Did you have any trouble with the schedule?”

Her tone is firm, but all of Brooke’s words are slow, measured, weighing every vowel like she thinks Vanessa can’t understand her. Her parents probably ordered her to be nice. Obviously it’s taking a lot of effort, judging from how her perfect nails dig into her palms.

“I can read, so, no, I didn’t.” Brooke has no doubt heard that Vanessa didn’t make royal lessons a priority. She had powered her way through most of them, but what good are lessons when there’s a whole world to explore? A world that teaches more lessons than any royal tutor could, though not always good ones.

Brooke’s head bends over a book and Vanessa slurps on hand-squeezed orange juice for as long as her breath allows.

Brooke still won’t even meet her eyes and it’s just what Vanessa expected. Brooke’s family is one of the oldest and richest royal lines in the country. This sort of superiority ran in her blood like snow through the mountain passes. Vanessa is just a pawn to them, her whole family just pawns to build this stupid alliance. Even Brooke’s cold politeness is probably a way for her to get something, and her family expects Vanessa to lay herself right in their hands.

Well, if they think she’s just a piece to move around at their whim, they’re going to cut their hands on her.

—

The meeting is a review of the schedule; all the alliance talks, the feasts, and the wedding. All things Vanessa’s been told for weeks. As the meeting drags on, her eyes travel around the council hall, looking at the rich tapestries of snow-capped mountains and deep green woods, the only color against boring white walls. King Richard’s voice saws at her ears, explaining each item like she’s three years old. Brooke is across from her, eyes trained on the list of events, though Vanessa is sure she has them memorized.

Finally, all the royal staff are brought in. The only one that stands out to Vanessa is Nina, the head chef and the sole person that looks genuinely kind. No matter what the king and queen say about asking the royal staff for anything, wanting Vanessa and her family to feel like they’re in their own castle, the staff are here to serve Brooke and her family. They are not her friends, and if there’s ever any trouble, they will take Brooke’s side. Vanessa knows this, knows all too well what it’s like to answer someone’s every call, give them anything they could possibly want. How everything inside you became secondary–how you became secondary–to the wishes of someone else.

Except in her case, she had thought it was love.

—

They’re free after the meeting, and Vanessa can’t spend another second in her room. It’s a nice room, she’ll admit, with a soft bed, an oak desk, and a long, padded bench by the window overlooking the forest, but there’s an entire castle just waiting. Brooke’s room is down the hall, and Vanessa can hear pacing and the rustling of pages as she passes, figuring Brooke will stay there for a while and she can have the remains of the morning uninterrupted.

The castle walls are uninterrupted white stone, and Vanessa knows her initial thought was right: this place is not a home. Her castle in the south is made of gold sandstone that catches the sunlight and reflects its warmth back at her. The walls feel secure, but cozy, like a blanket around her shoulders. Her castle had sheltered her especially in the past year, holding all her secrets and teary nights inside its walls. The walls here are just bare and empty, and the secrets they hold are not hers.

She ends up in a room of what she figures are family portraits. Brooke’s is at the end, just after her parents. She stands rigid, mouth a straight line, eyes expressionless, and it’s so accurate Vanessa wonders if the artist was excellent or if Brooke is so stiff in real life that she’s like a walking portrait. Probably the latter.

The portrait is missing that razor-thin scar above Brooke’s lip, though. On the real Brooke, it’s just a small blemish, a tiny sliver of imperfection on her pale skin, so small you’d miss it unless you searched for it. (So what if she’s stared at Brooke a little? She’s just sizing up an enemy).

“You’re going to be late for lunch.”

Vanessa grabs at her heart. “I’m going to be late for a lot of things if you give me a heart attack creeping around like that.” She mumbles as Brooke enters the room, her shoes silent on the floor.

“Sorry.” Brooke pulls up next to her and stares at her own portrait. “I’m supposed to get you for lunch. Your attendants said you went exploring. We don’t typically allow visitors in here unattended.”

“Then I suppose it’s a good thing you’re here, which is something I never thought I’d say and probably never will again,” Vanessa replies. “I bet you come in here all the time to stare at yourself.”

The corner of Brooke’s mouth twitches, and for a second Vanessa thinks she might smile, but her lips remain in their firm line. “I actually hate that thing, to tell you the truth.”

“Why, not pretty enough for you?”

“It seems to be pretty enough for you,” Brooke retorts. “You haven’t taken your eyes off it.”

“Just thinking about how it would be more accurate if they carved you out of stone.”

Brooke squares her shoulders. “We’re going to be late for lunch. You can break rules your first day here if you like. I’m not getting in trouble for you.”

She turns on her heel and is down the hall before Vanessa leaves the room.

—

“‘I’m not getting in trouble for you,’” Vanessa mimics in a high-pitched whine as Silky and A’keria get her hair braided for the welcome feast. “And she still won’t even look at me! Who does she think she is, acting so superior?”

“Maybe she’s afraid of you. Or maybe she’s jealous,” A’keria offers.

“Why would she be jealous of me? She has everything.” She doesn’t address the idea that Brooke is afraid of her. It seems too ridiculous to even consider.

“Well, you’re two years younger than her, and you’re beautiful,” Silky cuts in. “Maybe she thinks you’ll steal her man.”

“A man is the absolute last thing I want,” Vanessa argues, pulling on her red velvet dress with gold swirls. The thick material and long sleeves weigh her down, another reminder how far she is from the southern sun, where short-sleeved dresses flowed in the wind year-round. She reaches instinctively for her sun necklace, only to meet bare skin and painful memory. She’s never wished for it more than tonight.

“She doesn’t know that, though,” A’keria insists. “Everything that happened last year never–”

“Do not talk about last year.”

They both nod, and Silky hands Vanessa her tiara, because apparently the king decided a welcome feast requires everyone to show off their crowns. It’s hard not to feel stronger wearing it, like she could get away with anything, which she has done before. No matter how superior Brooke thinks she is, Vanessa is a princess too. She nestles it among her braids and prepares herself for another meal with the Ice Princess.

—

Brooke is a perfect princess at dinner. She is the example Vanessa’s exasperated tutors would have used when instructing Vanessa how to act; she addresses everyone in a clear voice, bestows compliments like it’s a genuine pleasure for her, has an eloquent answer to every question. She finds herself tracking Brooke’s every movement, waiting for a stutter or stumble or some sign that she’s human.

And then Thomas arrives. Thomas, the prince Brooke is going to marry. He has dark hair and a big nose, and though he’s not ugly, he’s much too average for someone as exquisite as Brooke, a silver dress hugging her long frame, a silver tiara with delicate tear-drop crystals at the points perched on her blonde head, like it’s meant to be there. Vanessa pushes her own gold-flowered tiara up a little higher.

“Vanessa, this is Thomas. My fiancé,” Brooke introduces, and Vanessa detects a quiver in her voice.

“Pleased to have you here,” Thomas says after a bow. “I pushed hard for the alliance, you know. Wanted to have you and your family here, get to see the beautiful north.” He continues to ramble about how important this is for everyone, and Vanessa’s thoughts drift to Thomas’s hand wrapped tightly around Brooke’s, and the sweat dampening Brooke’s fingers. She stares straight ahead, obviously disinterested, and jerks him away to meet someone else when he’s done speaking.

Vanessa’s seen it before. People often didn’t take kindly to a woman ruling by herself. It was likely Brooke’s family had gotten Thomas to marry her so she became more appealing to the common folk. Thomas is just another piece on Brooke’s board, then. She didn’t need him; she would still be queen regardless. But if she wanted people to see her as anything but an unlovable queen who couldn’t even marry, then she did need him. It’s hard to be a woman, let alone a woman in royalty, these days; Vanessa has always known that, and if Brooke didn’t seem so cold and emotionless, Vanessa might have felt sorry for her.

—

The best part of the feast–what Vanessa knows will be the best part of the whole month–is the food. Nina can cook.

Gleaming silver plates are brought out by the royal kitchen staff, and the rich smells fill the entire grand hall. Vanessa looks down at steaming roast beef, glazed carrots, and crispy potatoes, her mouth already watering. She forgets her annoyance at being seated next to Brooke, balling her hands into fists to stop herself from eating before everyone is served.

Nina sets a plate gently in front of Brooke–the only one to get a plate personally from her. Nina smiles at her, and Brooke returns the only real smile Vanessa has seen, a shy one that softens her face, whispering something into Nina’s ear.

Vanessa notices Brooke’s plate is missing the carrots. The chef brought her plate out because Brooke didn’t eat carrots? A’keria is clearly wrong. How could Brooke be jealous of her when she had dinner hand-delivered by the chef?

Vanessa stabs at her roast beef like it’s Brooke’s face, juicy flavor exploding in her mouth. The entire meal, and the rich chocolate cakes for dessert, can almost entirely block Brooke out of Vanessa’s mind.

—

Vanessa’s feet are screaming in her shoes when the feast finally ends. She rushes up the stairs, whipping out of sight and ripping the heels off. The cold floor is a relief for once.

“Did you enjoy the feast?”

Vanessa jumps. She’ll never understand how Brooke moves so silently, disappearing like she’s part of the wall. She should wear a bell around her neck.

“Oh, sure. Maybe more if I had some of the accommodations you have,” Vanessa replies, stopping in front of her room. She’s not sure why she’s so upset. Brooke is a princess; why wouldn’t she get everything she wants? But something about it makes her blood boil. Maybe how everyone helped Brooke like it was an honor, when she clearly didn’t care about anyone but herself.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

“Does the cook always bring you your food?”

Her eyes narrow in understanding. “Carrots make my stomach hurt,” Brooke says quietly. “Nina just wanted to make sure I got the right plate.”

“Well-”

“Vanessa, please tell me what this is about. I don’t think it’s to complain about food, because you damn near licked your plate clean.” Vanessa is pleased to see there is some emotion in Brooke, her voice growing sharper, pointed enough to cut if Vanessa was soft. But she’s not soft.

Her shoes crash to the floor. She lifts herself up to meet Brooke’s eyes, anger rising as Brooke glances down at her feet. “This is about you being a perfect little princess getting everything you want and acting like the rest of us don’t matter! Everyone does everything for you and you can’t even look them in the eye, not even your own fiancé! Tell me, how much is your family paying Thomas to marry you? Because all the gold in the world couldn’t be enough to put up with you!”

She knows she’s gone too far but she can’t take it back now. She also knows she’s not wrong. She saw the way Brooke leaned away from man she’s going to marry, the way her hand wanted to escape from his grasp. He’s just another disposable piece to her.

What little color Brooke’s fair skin has drains away, turning as white as the snow on the mountains. She pulls her lip between her teeth and chews furiously. For the first time, her eyes meet Vanessa’s, and the cold green burns a hole through her as Brooke opens her mouth, voice sharp as a sword-point.

“Don’t you dare talk to me ever again.”

Vanessa enters her room and slams the door so hard the frame shakes, blocking out Brooke’s graceful walk to her own room.

She falls asleep to thoughts of revenge.

—

“Do you have my first payment?” the man asks his correspondent in the village pub.

“Absolutely,” the correspondent replies, passing over a bag of gold. “You demand a high price, I’ll admit, but it will all be worth it in the end. You’ll receive double this on completion as well. As long as you don’t miss, of course.”

“Don’t worry.” The man runs his hand over the gold. “I never miss.”

#rpdr fanfiction #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #silky nutmeg ganache #akeria davenport #branjie #princess au #lesbian au #royalty au #angst #royals by athena2 #athena2 #concrit welcome #submission

[rangikuxmatsumoto]

For most souls their lives prior to their deaths are hazy distant memories or completely forgotten. Death is supposed to bring balance; it is an equalizer, who you were in life holds no merit – only the value of your soul remains. And yet, death isn’t equal, souls are deposited within districts without care, children and families can be separated, young souls can be left in an unforgiving place without means to survive. Death equalizes, but it is not equal.

“—I guess when I think about it, it comes back in flashes.”

Or rather, they use to come in flashes. In the last moments of sleep, as she’d stir awake in that rickety little shack she shared with Gin, she’d hear singing – that of a lullaby or nursery rhythm – but it would sound so far away. As she’d rub the sleep from her eyes and sit up to find the source of the song, it would drift off. It felt eerily familiar but she could never place it or replicate the tune once it was gone.

And there were the times when Gin would disappear and she’d be left alone, she never ventured too far from the shack or their little meadow but as she sat there silently, lost in her thoughts, she could almost hear a familiar laugh of a woman. If she closed her eyes, she could just barely make out a hazy figure, but all she could see was the smile. The memories never frightened her; they comforted her in fact, bringing with them a sense of warmth, or comfort, of love.

There is a belief that younger souls – alive or dead – hold a stronger connection to lives once lived, to the past. The idea of reincarnation – children able to recant information of past events, with no prompts, no knowledge – but are able speak in great detail of a former life. Often times, it is their own, a lingering bond, a single thread that crosses between the two planes of life and death – but as time passes, the bond shatters, the thread wears and finally splits.

The pain of hunger, the emptiness in one’s stomach – how crippling it was – and far too familiar in those first few weeks. At least, she thought they were weeks, time seemed off, she couldn’t really remember anything – there seemed to be a hazy of smog when she tried to think of anything before. Just flashes, male voices, a feeling of loss and then Gin.

He had warned her to pace herself as she ate, even as her stomach rumbled and she grew embarrassed, she took his words to heart. When his stash of persimmons had run out that first day, she worried he’d leave her to find her own food from then on, but he had stayed and when she felt ready he had taken her to the shack that had become their home. He did all he could, a child himself, to care for them both. Still, food was scarce and the pains of hunger would creep up in the middle of the night and with them the fear.

She couldn’t understand where the foreboding feeling would come from but it felt all too common. When food would run out and Gin would leave to search, a sensation would overwhelm her, dragging her down in a state of panic. As hunger twisted her stomach, the rumbles of her stomach would cause flashes of memories to populate like a crack of lightening in the sky, there for a second and gone in a flash. A male voice, deep and threatening, his figure was a haze, a shadow among shadows – looming, menacing. She never wished to be alone when hungry, not as long as the shadows haunted her.

Death is an equalizer – everything, everyone will eventually die but death is not equal. Death does not only affect the old and sick, often death is cruel, taking children before their parents, or death comes at the hands of another. Your actions and the actions of others determine when you will cross that path with Death.

Rangiku had entirely forgotten the hazy memories as the years passed. The older she became, the less she felt connected to the life that had once been hers. She had lived longer as a spirit than she had in actual human life. And although the thread to the past has been severed sometime prior, memories were never truly forgotten.

Gin’s death came back to her in flashes, the moment playing out over and over again in her nightmares. As she’d reach for him, call out to him, their shared history, their childhood would come to her in bursts. With it, those shadowy figures, the laughter and smile of a material figure, the lullaby would arouse her from her slumber. When the nightmares would return, when Aizen’s form would loom over Gin’s body in her dreams, that menacing male shadow that had haunted her as a child, would always be there, mirroring Aizen.

She had grown use to nightmare plagued nights, downing enough sake to keep them at bay worked only so many times. The rest of the nights were restless, she’d awake from the dreams calling to him, wishing desperately for him to be there looking down on her like he once had as a child. Or beside her, pulling her in against him like he once had, whispering to her in the darkness and lulling her back to sleep. On one such night, she awoke to tears streaming down her cheeks, the lost lullaby in her mind, and for once she could remember the tune and the words after she had awoken. She hummed the soft melody, easing herself back into slumber prepared to see Gin’s death replay for a second time that night.

A child’s laughter surrounded her, as two figures slowly come into focus; a little girl laughed and squealed as she was chased by an older woman. The older woman caught the little girl, scooping her up in her arms turning the woman looked like a near perfect reflection of Rangiku, but her gaze had fallen into the child in the woman’s arms – without any question she knew who this was. Her mother and her – that was the same smile she had seen in those dreams years ago, the laughter was the same and the lullaby she began to sing washed over her, dragging her into the void.

The scene shifts violently, the innocent playtime of a mother and daughter darkens as she finds herself overlooking the interior of a small farmstead. Three young boys act as backup to a much older male figure. His features are hidden by the shadows cast by the low fire in the hearth behind him. He has a fist raised, he’s shouting, the young boys grin like hyenas. She’s clinging to her mother, crying. Tears stain both their faces and she knows bruises will soon follow. Every instinct within her is screaming at her to cut him down, but she’s not truly there – she’s only witness to these repressed memories.

The darkness envelopes her – snowflakes begin to flutter down through the darkness, until they cover the entire stretch of the void, in a sudden rush, she has returned to the interior of the farmstead. The whole family sits around a single table, yet a pitiful amount of food sits before the two women, the men’s’ portions far exceed theirs. It has been years since she had last felt the twists of hunger in her belly but the vision before her brings her hand to her stomach, a rumble emerges – her childhood self cries at the pain. The small amount the two women have won’t stop the pain; it won’t provide them any relief.  

The fire in the room goes out; the snowflakes still flutter down around her. The men have vanished from the table, as have the two women; she scans the room to find them huddled together in a small bed on the floor. She knows what death looks like, the stillness, the agony that cripples the body. She can see that her mother is gone, and it is surreal to finally see the moment of her passing when she sees the smallest movement. The child’s hand reaches out, clutching her mother’s dress. She’s desperately trying to speak, to whisper but the pains of starvation are eating away at her. The vision starts to grow hazy, when a shadowy figure darts across the wall. She turns to see flames leaping up the walls, catching the straw roof on fire. The hazy is smoke. The snowflakes are the ash.

She tries to scream, to run to the child but the vision pulls away into the distance. She screams out but no sound penetrates the void of darkness.

She wakes suddenly, the memories still vivid in her mind. She fights to catch her breath, to calm her pulse. She tries to piece together the memories within her dream but they’re beginning to fade away again. Her mother, she was like sunshine, her laughter and smile are all that remain. She can remember the tune and words to the lullaby as she begins to hum it to herself. Her father and her brothers, she dare not think of them, they were the darkness, the pain and agony. She draws her knees up to her chest, burying her face as she lets the dream fade into nothingness.

“--Perhaps it was better to not know.”

#headcannon #drabble #tw: abuse #tw: death #headcanon

[justsomebucky]

Flicker

Summary: Canon(ish). Being in a relationship with a superhero is hard work.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!reader

Word Count: 2,222

Warnings: language, timeline manipulation, angst, heavy self-reflection, no dialogue for once, cheesy, you know how I am already come on

A/N: This is my one-shot for @buckthegrump​’s angst & fluff challenge, where my prompt was the song “Flicker” by Niall Horan. I love this song, and it made me so sad I got out of bed (where I was being sad) to come write this sad (but hopeful) stream-of-conscious thing. Oh also it’s my first Steve fic, so please be gentle. I want to protect him, ohmygod.

You opened one eye slowly, then the other, waiting for them to adjust to the darkness. It was still early, much earlier than you were used to waking, but he’d already left - at least, his side of the bed was cold. A closer look at the smooth sheets suggested that he’d never come to bed at all.

The telltale signs of the needle scratching over his favorite Harry James record (at a low volume of course, because he was always polite like that) had announced his unexpected late arrival the night before. You figured he’d come find you, maybe call out your name softly as he searched each room just to see your face again after so long.

No such luck.

And you could have untangled your legs from your sheets and made your way into the living room to sit with him while he relaxed after a long day of…whatever it was he had done…but you didn’t. You stayed in your darkened bedroom, tangled in the sheets, eyes wide open as you stared at the bedroom door, willing him to walk through it.

It wasn’t a contest.

Neither of you were mad.

Something was just off, something was missing and had been for a while.

When you first met Steve Rogers, you kinda sorta knew who he was already.

Okay…that was a load of bullshit.

You knew exactly who he was, and that’s precisely why you tried to avoid him. And you didn’t just duck your head or leave the room, either, you flat-out made it clear that you understood what he did as a day job and while you respected the hell out of him, you wanted no part of it.

Your friends thought you were crazy. They wondered how you could possibly turn down the chance to be the girlfriend of one of the most famous men in the world. How could someone turn down handsome Steve Freakin’ Rogers, the original Avenger?

First of all, he would age much, much slower than you. How would that feel to turn look in the mirror one day and see your wrinkled face and grey hair while he still looked like a hot twenty-something?

Second, the danger of it all would keep you up at night with worry. You were already anxious enough, you didn’t need fifty more reasons to want to cry yourself to sleep.

Third, you knew that if you were ever to be with him, you’d be fourth place (at best) in his life, behind the rest of the world, the Avengers, and his unflinching sense of duty.

He tried here and there to use his sincerity, even a little bit of that old-fashioned charm, to take you out for a nice dinner or something. Each time, you gave him a big smile and told him he would meet a lucky lady someday, to save it for her.

But one day he approached you without all the charm and intensity you’d come to expect, and it was just…different.

His eyes were vulnerable, his shoulders drooping…and you weren’t one to swoop in and fix people or anything, but that had just been so out-of-character for him, for Steve Freakin’ Rogers, that you couldn’t help but put your reservations aside and try to at least be a good friend.

He’d lost so much time and so many people over the years that he became really good at hiding his own pain, but not in front of you. Even though you’d done all you could to avoid this man, for some reason you could read him, and he was hurting so much.

You started letting him in little by little, guarding your own heart while trying to repair his, but it was all for naught.

Steve Freakin’ Rogers, ya know...

And your feelings were stronger than you could have predicted.

When it was good, it was so good. The beginning, the honeymoon phase when a relationship is shiny and new and everything in the world is right, was probably the happiest you’d ever been in your entire life.

He’d leave from time to time, but it was never for that long at first. He kept you updated on everything he could, even learned how to Facetime for you, and his absence just made your reunions that much sweeter.

Like any cliché romance with a superhero though, the danger grew, and so did Steve’s unwillingness to step aside. That was just another thing you loved about him, though it made your heart sink just like you had predicted.

He was a good man…you couldn’t possibly hold him back from something he was meant to do.

And so each time he went away, he chipped off another piece of you and took it with him, leaving it wherever he ended up and inconveniently forgetting to return it.

Your work suffered. Your health became less-than-stellar, from both lack of sleep and lack of appetite.

Steve would come home and he would notice your state, but you would brush it off and say it was allergies or the neighbors were loud or work was stressing you out.

You never ever ever wanted to tell him the truth:

You weren’t sure how much longer you could keep being the girlfriend of Steve Freakin’ Rogers.

It made you feel weak; neither of you needed that. He needed you to be strong in the moments he couldn’t be, when he actually found time to come home to you, because he’d spent all his energy and strength on everyone else. You were lucky he was coming home at all; so many others weren’t as fortunate in life.

He bought your excuses at first, or at least he acted like he did.

Worried glances, furrowed brows, and attempts to get you to eat and sleep were all noted but disregarded as you changed the topic and fussed over him.

Where did that cut come from?

What happened to your motorcycle this time?

You didn’t call, I was so worried…

So no, it didn’t surprise you when he didn’t come into the bedroom to greet you, to hold you in his arms like he used to.

The distance was just too far anymore.

He didn’t leave a note before he took off either, something you realized when the first rays of sunshine hit your skin and you finally made your way to the living room.

You ran your fingers over the record player, noticing that he’d put the album back in its sleeve and in its place on the shelf. His leather jacket, not needed in the springtime heatwave, was hanging by the door. It was like he had never been there at all. The room reminded you of that exhibit in the Smithsonian, another pristine tribute to the former life of Captain America right in your own apartment. The difference was, you didn’t have a plaque describing what happened here. There was no video showing highlights of your time with him.

No note...

In the great scheme of things, you felt inconsequential.

None of his possessions made you feel any closer to him. None of them brought you solace on the long nights when you sat up wondering why you weren’t as important as strangers on the street to the man you loved.

Even the leather jacket, which you’d wrapped around yourself on more than one occasion, held no comfort for you anymore. His scent had worn off a long time ago.

He was simply fading away, and you hated it.

You longed for a resolution.

You could see it in your mind; he would walk in, and you would ask him to have a seat on the couch, and you would tell him that it was over. The sleepless nights could be someone else’s for a change, because you weren’t getting any younger and you needed some stability.

You needed some effort from a partner.

Your day passed by like it normally would for a Saturday spent alone. The sun got higher in the sky as you checked off a few errands and grabbed lunch at a little café that you’d become a regular at. Table for one? Yes, thank you.

You kept going, though, having gotten this solo act down pretty well by now.

After a while, the sun dipped lower in the sky, the city lights began to shine, the air became a little cooler, and you finally let yourself think about him again.

Part of the walk home included trudging past the first place you had ever laid eyes on Steve Rogers in person. He’d been jogging past your apartment, looking every bit the handsome superhero you’d seen on the news. Your chest tightened at the memory of him doing a double-take in your direction. He had become so distracted that he nearly fell face-first over a bicycle on the sidewalk.

And yeah, you still felt a little smug that you’d affected him that much just by existing.

What happened to those days?

Now he couldn’t even be bothered to wake you up in the next room when he was home for the first time in weeks.

You shook your head, refusing to tarnish such a happy, hilarious memory. If things truly weren’t going to work out, you were damn determined to at least stay friends. He was such a good man, he at least deserved that sort of closure.

The stairwell of your building was haunted by the ghosts of the two of you racing up to your floor (first one there gets to pick the movie!), and of him reaching for your hand the first time (see, this isn’t so bad, is it?). Even the landing near your front door brought back memories of all the times he wasn’t willing to wait until you were inside to kiss you, instead pressing you against the wall feverishly before his lips covered yours (I want you…).

Your heart was aching by the time you opened the door and went back inside.

Something was off again, though.

He was back.

Since the living room and kitchen were empty, you moved as quietly as possibly to the bedroom door, even though his heightened sense of hearing probably alerted him to your presence the second you got to the top of the stairs.  

He was there, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling, and he made no move to look at you even when you stood in the doorway and waited.

Now there was a choice before you, and while your instincts told you to sleep on the couch that night, you moved forward into the darkened room and around to the other side of the bed.

It would be so much work, and he might not even be interested anymore, but you had to know for sure if there was anything left...if a future would be possible in those circumstances, even as friends.

You gave him one last chance as you paused at the side of the bed, waiting in case he wanted to protest, to reject you and tell you not tonight or something.

He didn’t move a muscle...didn’t even blink.

You slipped off your shoes and crawled on top of the messy sheets until you were on your side facing him, though you didn’t reach out for him just yet.

His hair was longer, you noted, and he had a beard that was sort of dark and messy. It made him look dangerous, a little wilder than you were used to seeing.

God, you loved it.

After a minute, he wordlessly lifted his arm in an open, unspoken truce. You almost immediately tucked yourself against his body, letting your free arm wrap around his stomach as you pressed your head gently to his chest.

You heard his heartbeat, that’s how silent it was in the room.

It got you thinking about that sound and how much you’d missed it over the last few weeks. It made you think of the first night you’d spent with him, curled around him after an intimate moment, listening as his racing heart tried desperately to calm itself.

You thought about all the heartbeats you’d shared with him…all of your own heartbeats that were skipped because he smiled at you or kissed you, or you saw him across the room.

You wondered how you ever got to a place where someone’s heartbeat meant so much to you.

There, inside your chest, a tiny flicker of hope was starting to form. He was there, wasn’t he? He’d reciprocated.

He was holding you again, wasn’t he?

The flicker grew a little stronger as his heartbeat got a little louder.

Steve Freakin’ Rogers’ arm tightened around you, and a second later you felt his lips place a gentle kiss on the top of your head.

Your self-preservation instincts were screaming inside your head by then, but his heartbeat did its best to drown it all out. This was your Steve Rogers, the man you’d fallen so deeply in love with that you’d promised to never lose sight of that love even in the darkest of moments.

That promise sparked some electric courage as you shifted to meet his gaze.

His blue eyes looked back at yours, searching in the dark for an echo, a sign…

…for that flicker of hope.

Your smile ignited.

---

#steve rogers x reader #steve x reader #captain america x reader #steve rogers fanfiction #my first steve fic!!! #steve rogers x reader angst #jsb flicker #i'm so nervous #its 1am i need to sleep omg #emilyswritingchallenge

[lovelustthrustt]

I miss you.

Hi.

I miss you.

I wish that was enough to accurately describe how I feel, but it doesn’t, not even close. I don’t just miss you; I feel so much more than a mere longing. I could create a galaxy full of life with what I feel for you. I feel everything. My heart hurts so much, but it also is filled with so much love, especially for you.

I miss your laugh, your lame jokes, your hugs, your singing and dancing, I miss our six flags trips. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I can’t say it enough. I miss seeing everyone happy. I miss your beautiful contagious smile. You had a personality that could have made anyones day better.

I thought 137 days would at least put a dent in how much I hurt, but it didn’t. It’s been 137 days of your absence, 137 days of missing you, 137 days of “being strong”. It’s been 137 days of trying to forget, 137 days trying not to care, not letting anyone close enough to hurt me, to leave me. It’s been 137 days and I feel everything stronger than ever, and it hurts so much more than this string of words could ever portray. I don’t understand, Molly.. I thought time was supposed to heal; it hasn’t healed anything, only replaced memories and has served as a constant reminder that you’re gone.

Happiness is seldom what I feel, no matter the smile on my face or laugh in my throat or twinkle in my eyes. You’re all I see and it hardly makes me smile, especially as of recent. It’s impossible to be truly happy when the only person who never left my side, actually left and I will never get back. Every time I think I’m getting better, I remember what I was running from to begin with and am brought right back to the start.

I tried everything to accept that you were gone, or at least forget. I tried going out, having fun, drinking. I tried detaching myself from everyone. I wanted to be invisible, transparent, forgotten. I tried not to exist. I pretended to be happy; I let myself be sad. I tried not caring about anyone or anything, not taking anything seriously. I tried taking everything seriously, caring too much; but, nothing brought you back, nothing changed what happened, nothing made this okay. You’re still gone.

I pretended it never happened. I couldn’t hide from the fact that I missed you. I had to face it and trying to be strong. But it didnt work.

The longer you’ve been gone, the worst my breakdowns get. The pain is unbearable, each time hurting in a way it never had before while clean tears stream down my flushed face in pure hysteria. I stay that way for what seems like hours but could only been a minute unable to breathe; crying and crying and then I go unmoved. I feel nothing. Not a movement of the face, no aching, no flutter of the heart, twitch of the fingers, nothing. I still don’t know what is worse, feeling everything so intensely or nothing at all.

How has 137 days not lessened the sorrow and aching I feel when I think about you? I thought I would hear your name and smile; a loving memory, a gift, but I’m selfish and memories aren’t enough for me. Day to day nothing changes: the grass is still the grass without you and I am moving forward as much as I try to fight it. I feel guilty laughing and smiling and having fun, so I remember going through a period where my body and mind set to auto-pilot. The days would pass and I would have no recognition of what I had done and it was easy that way. I didn’t have to feel. I didn’t have to explain myself or talk to anyone or go out of my comfort zone. It was emotionless, painless, but was no way to live.

I hated that time. The grief turned to undeniable depression. Now depression, a cousin to grief, wasn’t listening to “our songs” with mascara streaming down my face in clumpy black lines, it was darker, colder; it was so incredibly empty. The type of emptiness that turned friends to enemies and family to strangers as I pushed and pushed so they didn’t have to see me that way, they didn’t have to feel what I feel every day. I thought I was protecting them. I didn’t want anyone’s pity, to be a burden, and the last thing I needed to hear was how strong I was and that everything was going to be okay because I didn’t believe it.

It hurts to think all I have are memories and I’m terrified to my core that I will begin to forget. The smallest moments I cherish the most and I don’t know how to preserve them. I can obsess over it, let it consume me, but I don’t want to be in love with a memory; a time, a place, an instant. Memory is unreliable and memories fade.

All I have are pictures, videos, and a foggy memory. I guess the pictures and videos help me remember your face, full of life and that voice I would recognize anywhere, but I still wish I had more. I don’t want my memory to rely on these things and I guess that’s why I write. I write to remember, I write to forget. I write to understand and accept and reflect. Through my writing I still feel pain, sometimes relive it, but it’s where the puzzle pieces begin to fit. I quiet the voices in my head and there’s a brief moment of what I imagine is peace, happiness. You gave me a purpose, something to feel. I have an urge to write it all down, I want to remember everything, and most importantly I want to treasure and hold on to the memories that are mine, that are authentic.

There was so much more I wanted to say to you. There was so much more I wanted to do. There was so much more I wanted to be. I thought we had more time.

I lay awake at night consumed by the thought of you and our memories and everything I didn’t get to say and everything we didn’t get to do. I let what happened get to me and life seems unlivable. I think most days I convince myself you’re on a vacation, an extended one. You’re somewhere warm and remote with no way to contact me and then I remember you’re not on an island in the middle of nowhere, you’re gone. Those are the days that hurt the most.

I have so many questions and so little answers and begin to act out in search of something, anything, to act as an escape and make my problems seem small and far away. That never lasts though, and I am forever reminded that my heart is always with you. Sometimes I don’t feel you here with me, I don’t see you in my dreams, there’s silence and I feel like you left me all over again; it is such a terrible feeling. It’s like having your hopes and dreams crushed in front of you, it’s like being told you were never good enough and never will be, it’s like jumping off a cliff and realizing you can’t fly.

You taught me that you never know when the last moment you will see someone will be and to not hold grudges, not to hold back because there isn’t time for that. You taught me to be everything I wanted and get everything I imagined, feel deeply and without regret. You showed me the kind of friends I want, the kind I want to be. Thank you. This was a higher love, a love that will last forever. As much as I want to be with you right now, I know my life will end when it is supposed to, I just hate accepting it.

My heart is different now, and every day is a fight to accept that. You are the only one I blurred my hard edges for, become soft and vulnerable for. You proved how malleable and prone to change we are, no matter our feelings towards it. I’ve always been drawn to the darker side of things but this year forced me to test what it is like to be positive and strong and every day I work on it. People constantly disappoint and it takes everything in me not to hide, remove myself, stop caring; I do it for you.

To this day I still lose myself trying to find myself and hurt a lot of people while I’m hurting. I don’t know when the pain will lessen or I will finally smile at your name; I don’t know if I will ever be okay or accept things as they are. I can hear your laugh; see your big bright blue eyes with heaven in them, your kindness and goodness I can feel. You were and still are my childhood bestfriend.

Until we meet again sunshine.

I love you!

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