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justtogetthrough · 2 years

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The weird part of this weekend was trying to explain why I lack certain foundational knowledge that most people in our culture have and I realized that the large swathes of memory gaps i have in my life due to near-death/brain damage situations is actually adding up.

I guess I should be gentler on myself for how much I struggle, given the number of brain injuries. My friends were shocked I didn't have basic knowledge of WW2 and asked for clarification about something that was bewildering to them, but I was like no I'm being serious because a) grade 10 History was in French for me so learning the info on top of the language adds a layer and i have vague memories of my teacher pantomiming vocabulary bc he refused to speak a word of English to us first of all, but also b) that semester I was having a psychotic and dissociative episode, and c) at the end of the semester I nearly died and was put on life support and basically wiped my memory for many months before and after. So, the history lessons didn't exactly stick ya know?

That brain injury took me years to recover from and I forgot how much work it took to rehab my memory and other basic functions. And then basically 10 years later I had another significant brain injury and I'm agonizing about the memory loss and my inability to learn new things and I might actually seek OT for it now. I'd forgotten how much I had to rehabilitate my brain the first time. I've done fuck all treatment wise for the second and the refusal to interrupt my schooling and my fairly quick resuming of substance abuse following the injury definitely prevented the healing and recovery I wish I had but if brains are so plastic, maybe 5 years later isn't too late and I can regain some functioning again.

It's weird because all I have to talk about with people is the wildness of my 20s and my life is super unrelatable to most people. But I forgot my adolescence was just as fucked but for different reasons and it's been a long time since I've had to tell people I dropped out of high school 3 times, it took me 7 years to graduate, and I switched schools/systems so much that I legit missed whole ass parts of high school that everyone else seemed to experience. Moving between semestered schools, non semestered, public, catholic, independent learning, home instruction, alternative school, missing weeks and months at a time, frequent hospitalizations, 2 suicide attempts, and leaving completely 3 different times.... on top of 2 serious brain injuries, a couple more less serious ones, a dissociative disorder since I was a child, and rampant mental illness... it was a miracle I graduated from public education at all and I certainly had a ~unique~ and very patchy curriculum lol.

It's really annoying how fucked up my life has been honestly.

And I hate that the only people I've ever met who've been able to relate to what I've been through are the crowd I met in my party phase, people who are in a perpetual party phase, and share none of my goals or ambition and so are really not the scene I want to be a part of. But the scene I want to be a part of? My whole life is the kind of whack shit they've only ever read about and it's weird because all I have to contribute in conversations is weird shit that usually makes people awkward or uncomfortable or just... like a thousand miles away. Open minded and still embracing me, but like we just come from 2 very different places and the more detail I share the more people are like ??????

Idk.

I'll be going to a whole new city at the end of this year and I'm really self conscious that I have no PG or non-alienating stories to tell about my life. Everything makes people feel bad for me or makes them just go "what the fuck".

I always feel like I'm a million miles away from people. I think this is why I want to work in child welfare so badly, even though it is massively triggering and retraumatizing in so many ways. It's the only way to feel like my experience isn't out of place.

#sleeping med thought dumps #personal

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streaming-yn · 3 years

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(☁️)

HIIII it's 3 am and i'm trying to sleep but brain went brr with ideas n shit and oh well- thing is ; i was wondering if i could make my first request? (smth simple if u want to, no need to be very long or anything + pls don't rush nd take ur time AND don't feel pressured to actually do my request :] ! ) maybe smth ab faceless art streamer! y/n [they/them]?? (if u could add that the reader is like an indie game dev or works for smth like that u'd be sosososososo cool omg) with maybe quackity, tommy, dream, ranboo, niki and/or jack?? idk brain did the storming and its all messy hsdnshhfjsjz (btw! i know it's a lot of CCs so feel free to remove some or do the ones ur only comfy with !!! take care nd stay safe !!! luv ya <3 (/p))

AS SOMEONE WHO LIKES TO GAME DESIGN, CHARACTER, AND PLOT DESIGN YOU BET I CAN MAKE THE READER AND INDIE GAME DEV (and aaaa ty for adding jack!!! I think he's really neat and not enough people acknowledge him :))!!)

Multiple x indie game dev!artist!y/n

pairings: quackity, tommy, dream, ranboo, niki, jack manifold (separate) x indie game dev!artist!y/n

pronouns: they/them

other information on the reader:

. faceless

. knows how to code

. artist

. streams them drawing video game characters

. minor

. makes indie / horror games

form: headcanons

genre: platonic, fluff(??)

warnings: horror games / horror mods, ranboo enderwalk lore in his section

abbreviations: y/n -> your name

quackity

okay let's get the obvious out of the way; definitely going to be the type of person that's like "I'm going to play this game first after you're finished" yk? playfully ofc, n playfully fight with anyone who says the same thing (*cough* Wilbur, tommy, dream *cough*)

he probably wouldn't be on your art streams often – he doesn't really enjoy watching people draw, but he would want to see the finished pics

he would happily be on voice chat with you while you're drawing though!! :D

would be proud to answer any questions you have about character / scene / etc designs!!

"quackity!! so for this character – check your dms for a current picture – would red or purple antenna be better? also, two or four antenna?"

"*gasp* you're asking me?? 🥺" /j

"y'know what, nevermind, chat wh-"

"NO WAIT WAIT"

"so what do you think?"

also, if you do end up sending him the finished pics of the art he will hype you tf up !!!!

would try to get you make joke games – not like actually, it's just an ongoing bit between you two!

if you make a game for him – or give him a sneak peek of a game before anyone else he's going to freak out!! and he won't really know what to say bc putting feelings into words is hard

if y'all ever meet up and you're fine w hugs he's gonna give you a huge hug, hoping that makes up for the lack of words to describe how just,, proud of you he is bc he really really is!!

you're not even in your 20s yet and you can make video games, or help with them?? not to mention how creative you are with the characters and story line??? he's amazed by you

might actually cry /pos if you base a character off of him

like let's say a part of a puzzle is to get a rubber duck and place it into a pond to get the next hint or thing you need – only when he plays it on stream, he doesn't know anything about the game, so you're watching and waiting for him to get there

when he does get there – he finds out the duck has a beanie and has a white ring appear around it that flashes to life before fading out after picking it up, signifying it was the right thing to get

at first he doesn't really notice the ring, "oh! that animation is different than normal" he notes, but mainly focuses on the beanie, comparing it to himself before he glances at chat to see them freaking out over the planet duck reference

then he's just talking about it, shocked of course but flattered, and then you type in chat "you helped me a ton with things I couldn't decide during this game, I couldn't not add you! :)" everyone's just :(((( !!! /pos

overall supportive n proud, maybe a bit loud about games in progress, but just a really nice guy in general :)

tommy

he is ABSOLUTELY loud about your games in progress!! if you don't want something said you have to tell that to him before telling him or else he's going to brag about how cool it is the next time he streams

"chat!! chat, y/n is making this new game and they told me that one of the outfits you can collect for the player is going to be based off me!- right!! that sounds pog!!"

if he ever accidentally let's anything slip on stream that he was supposed to say, everyone who's a fan of you is just like "wow! suddenly! I cannot hear anymore!", sometimes they're like that even if it was okay to say

the just like being surprised :)

as for art streams, he'll try his best to tune in but obviously won't be there all the time! he's usually very active in chat too! likes being on call with you while you do art streams if you let him!

he once convinced you to make a texture pack and a shader (meant for both to be active at the same time), the fans loved it and a lot of them use it more often than the original!!

tommy however, not to much, proud of you bc that must've been a ton of work!! but at some time it slipped his mind that you make indie and horror games; I think we all know he doesn't do well with horror games

so you liking horror and such made the textures look more ominous and just make it look like and area you don't want to be in, and the spook goes up even more with the shader!! it's darker than usual, there's unusual fog, the portals look too dangerous now, so on and so forth yk

so,, tommy didn't use the texture pack for long;;

if you ever raid him after you're done streaming and he has a question, he's literally just gonna ask you on stream

"y/n raid? oh! are they still here?" when you confirm you're in chat, he continues "great! okay I had a question about your new game that's going to be available soon and how to download it-"

fans love how casual you guys are about game information, like you had to teach him how to export a game character he made on the website you usually make yours on (it was for a fun stream) and it was just a simple back and forth but everyone's like omg :((( omg them :((

also if you're the type of person to go insane over tiny details in other games, he will absolutely tease you for it

like you can just be going on and on about how this game had a sentence at the start that had a backhanded meaning by the end and he's just gonna call you a nerd (genuinely thinks is cool how much of the small things you notice in games though)

dream

COMPLAINING ABOUT CODING AND HOW HARD IT IS 🤝🤝

and if you took other coding classes hoping that I'd help with video game coding he'd just listen to you talk about it

"I actually took robotics for a while before because the school didn't have any video game coding classes and I was hoping it'd help either way" "oh?" "it,, it didn't help, it's so hard to code robots and considering how fast I caught onto video game code you think it'd be easier to understand the robot code" "yeah, that sounds reasonable" "NOPE,, WHY R THEY SO DIFFERENT I ALMOST FAILED" "D:"

fanartists like those moments, if one of those talks happen expect a bit of fanart of just dream and you chilling while you talk and he listens, the art always gives off comfy vibes n it's just cute :)

offering him to play a semi-rough draft of the demo so that he could see if it's good or what you needed to do to make it more enticing for the player

power duo fr fr o/

people like comparing y'all to hackers sometimes bc y'all know how to code???

you play into the bit with the fans though and honestly it's so fun !!!

fans: omg,, hackers (affectionate),,,

you next time you stream: hacker voice; I'm in

AND THEY GOT SHOCKED??? LIKE THEY FORGOT YOU CAN SEE THE STUFF THEY POST????

wouldn't be able to watch your art streams for long because he would get side tracked, the streams are just too under stimulating for his brain to focus on, but he'd hang around as long as he could though :)

would be glad to be on call with you while you're doing an art stream – though if he has is game sounds on you may occasionally have to repeat a question that was aimed at him

you're also in his streams when you can :)

also, you like sending donations to communicate rather than chat

one stream dream turned off his donos because you wouldn't stop giving him money 💀

being friends with such a popular creator and being a game creator yourself has it's downs as well

nothing thats too hard to deal with – the most common one is actually kinda funny – some people will slide in your dms acting like they're dream and just got locked out of his account, trying to get you to make them a game

like ??? do they think that dream would mssg you over Twitter or insta?? he has your phone number bro ,😭

also!!! when dream plays through new games you made he complements the small things and complements how hard something must've been to code :)

and I'm ngl, he kinda sucks with every game he plays at first but he's a quick learner so dw :)

would be glad to help if you're having a difficult time choosing between things too! except he'll answer right away without any teasing

"dreammm" "y/nnnn" "for this area should I do like shattered stone walls or mossy stone walls like with vines n stuff?" "depends on the vibe you want, shattered stone would give it a dangerous and uneasy undertone and mossy stone would be more of ominous, if that makes sense?" "oh! okay, thank youuu!!"

ofc if you didn't have a specific vibe or couldn't choose which was better he would just give a straight up answer so you didn't stress out trying to choose one \o/

would absolutely like being a guest in a drawing stream, he isn't the best at art or character design but it's fun to see him try

maybe you both plus some friends do a "drawing Minecraft mobs from memory" stream? ,, with that the thing is; his would mostly be relatively accurate if you could understand wtf he was drawing 😭

dream may or may or have some of your art as his phone homescreen, he loves your style so much :(( /pos

ranboo

first off; he's incredibly impressed!! like!!! you made this game?? this playable game, completely from scratch??? how??

also you may or may not have made a small Minecraft mod for him to tryout on stream,, little gift from you to both chat n ranboo 🤲

its literally all based off his lore,, if you get close to obsidian and crying obsidian fallen down from Undertale starts playing, if you splash water on yourself 1) you get hurt 2) your screen blacks out and when it comes back, your in a different place than before, some things art taken, maybe a few extra things are added

and there's a 50% chance that when you go into your "enderwalk" state (the blackout) you blow something up, so there may or may not be an explosion somewhere nearby, you also have a 20% chance of building something small in you enderwalk state :)

he found it so incredibly cool!!! chat was crying while complementing you while ranboo thanked you and complemented you over n over again

he won't shut up about how cool the mod is for several weeks, maybe even a few months, it's just so cool!!

will absolutely use it as a comeback if you let him; "oh? you got first place? well y/n made me a really really cool mod, so who's the actual winner here?"

will absolutely play every single game you come out with – it doesn't matter if it's his style or not – and he thoroughly enjoys all of the games as well

as for art streams, he will absolutely try to tune in every time he can!! active in chat and donos!!

doesn't really like being in art streams – like in call is fine but actually drawing? not really, he just doesn't love drawing in front of a ton of people

but will join an art stream if you ask

will listen to you rant about whatever, even if he doesn't understand it! like will listen to you go on and on about how well a game set up the atmosphere or maybe talking about how difficult coding is, and he'll converse back with you but won't really understand yk?

"ranboo I just played a really cool game do you wanna hear about it?" "yeah yeah- of course!!" "ok so like, the atmosphere was so well put together- like it was a horror game and I didn't even see the monster but the vibe was so well put together that it was still unnerving!!" "that's awesome! how did the atmosphere get set up the best and when you saw the monster, was it scarier?"

yk what I mean? like engages in convo so you don't feel bad about talking so much, plus shows his interest without the constant "hm?" "cool" etc a lot of people do and even though he does talk more than the acknowledgment sounds many people make he also manages to almost never sidetrack you and when he does it's on accident :)

if your way of learning is teaching then he'll gladly be the person you teach it to if you want! most likely won't use the information therefore his brain won't retain it but that's not on you, and the whole reason is so you can learn, not him, so! ^^

will make sure to take care of yourself, and he has a through way of telling if you have or not bc he's known you for long enough to know that even if you try to hide it a little bit of your tired voice shows so he knows if you've been sleeping like you should

also friends with you on discord, where you have your Spotify attached,, you like listening to music while you work on things that aren't sound related and if it's active later than it should be he's going to confront you

overall wholesome mixed in with a little pain bc both of you are like "ah yes, lore <3" and like to see fans cry /lh

niki

I feel like this is expected but if you need to get extra motivation she would probably be your go-to

she hypes you up but like, in a sweet and quiet kinda way, where as everyone else here would probably be relatively loud ;;

honored to be on an art stream if you invite her :')

and would absolutely watch your art streams when she can :D hypes you up in chat

also compliments, tons of compliments!

might call you a prodigy? bc you're so young but can already make games?? and make income off of them?? and do really good art??? and so much more??? like tell me that's not prodigy energy,

if you make a video game character based off her she might cry,, like in a positive way obviously but like at the same time :(( no don't cry!!

I say might bc it's dependant on how she feels that day yk? like she might just have the almost-cry wobble to her voice or she might actually, if that makes sense?

she genuinely loves your art style!! even if it's pointy and kinda creepy she really likes it!!

yk the "awww (name) :(" /pos she does sometimes? 100% does that with you

there are a few compilations of just "aww y/nnn" on YouTube and all the comments on those videos are just crying over y'all /pos

would be happy to help if you're stuck between some options in a game, but would feel kinda bad bc it's your game, you're supposed to be the one choosing the stuff

assure her that it's okay n stuff n she'll be ok tho !

I can't decide if she would play your games or not

bc on one hand she's a huge supporter of you and your work and would like to experience it first hand

but on the other hand she isn't the best with scry games,,

so maybe she'd do both? maybe she'd react on stream to a playthrough, maybe your playthrough? or maybe she would only play some of your games? I haven't decided so up to you I suppose!

jack manifold

genuinely amazed by your talent and will make it quite clear!!

can and will go on tangents about you on stream if someone brings it up

everyone is so :(( <333 /pos bc of it

will play the games you've made as soon as he can

if there are different games that line up in a story he'll make sure to play them in order :)

people also sometimes compare you two to hackers bc you code a ton and he kinda looks like a hacker

difference here is that both of you play into the bit, it's tons of fun!!

listen, I know he doesn't draw much but I am a firm believer that he will doodle his favorite character(s) from your games after he's done playing them

like after he plays a game of yours then expect a small doodle in your texts :)

you compiled a bunch of these doodles into one picture and made it you phone background and he only found out after y'all met irl and it caught the corner of his eye and he registered "oh hey wait that looks familiar"

he found out while recording the vlog n when editing, the editor was like "hey let's leave this in, it'd be funny if the fans knew right?" ,, the fans were crying for two weeks,, /pos

and speaking of drawings; he would like to be on a drawing stream with you, thinks it's be tons of fun!! :D

and he's usually free to call while your streaming and doesn't mind so if you wanna talk to him while drawing just call :)

and he will watch the streams he can make it to!! he may leave a bit early but he stays for the majority of it

if you make a character based off of him he's going to constantly thank you and brag about how cool you are anywhere he can

"hello manifolders, if you haven't done it already go download (game name)! I'm there!" with a ss of his character from the game and he'll reply to the tweet on his alt to talk more about the game and how much he really liked it :)

another that'll help you were you need it! he'll make it into a joke before anything else, but he'll get to the point

taglist (sorry i forgot to do it on the past two): @cvsmixplant // @l0ver0fj0y // @youngstarfishdinosaur

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criquette-was-here · 3 years

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Long Due Replies

Hi everyone! It’s been some crazy few months for me. Real life has taken over completely so I didn’t have a chance to pay attention to my inbox. There are lot of asks on troubleshooting and I apologise for not being able to help on time. I hope everyone who needed help has got it somehow >.< There’s a crazy amount of messages, so I’m going to hide it under the cut.

@shutupshirley said:

Hi Criquette, I’m sorry because this is dumb, but I don’t understand how to install your neighbourhood lighting mod on an installation of Ultimate Collection... do I change out every lighting.txt file I can find across all the expansion and stuff packs? :/

Thank you!!!!

Hi @shutupshirley! I’m not a big specialist on windows version of TS2 and UC but I believe there are two folders you have to look at and they are ‘Fun with Pets’ and ‘Open for Business’

Anonymous said:

What do you imagine residents of Feverfew are called? I keep doing Peruvian but like Ferfewian or some

Oh, yes, I was thinking about this matter at some point! Feverfewian is what I came up with. I even found a wiki article about different names for different town inhabitants to sort of made it up a bit, but I haven’t write down the result I had and now I’ve lost it. I think feverfewians sounds best, it can even have some silly derivatives like ‘fewies’

@3sushiroll said:

Hi Criquette, I'm getting into SC4 and have been getting the hang of it while using the sims 2 hood planner. I've been starting to use bridges and have been using yours. When I put in the tile measurement into the hood planner (ex: 15 tile = 8 in SC4), it doesn't exactly line up in game. Does this usually happen for you and you put in a piece of fake road in the middle or am I just doing it wrong and it should line up super nicely? Thank you for all your wonderful creations!

Hi @3sushiroll! Yes, TS2 parses SC4 roads this way. I always put some decorative road in the gap or I make the shores narrower so that the bride would overlap the road. But to make slopes where the road ends equal, you have to use TS2 terraforming tool to make this flat empty piece of terrain right after the road end into slope so that it would look like the opposite.

Anonymous said:

Hi there, hope you're doing well! I downloaded your simple walkways set and noticed that they float. They don't sit on the ground properly. Is there anything I can do on my end to make them sit closer to the ground? Any help would be appreciated, thank you!

Hey anon! Thank you! Yes, this old set of walkways was made this way. Maxis made neighborhood mode roads float, so I had to do the same with road related decorations. But now you can use these Cobblestone paths or side walks from the Rural Charm, they’re as close to the ground as possible.

Anonymous said:

hey! would it ever be possible for you to create recolors of the cobblestone sidewalks in red brick/cobblestone?

Hi anon! I don’t think so :| I can’t even find the time to fix some Ferverfew related issues >.<

Anonymous said:

Hi Criquette. I liked Feverfew very much. I would like to make some of the houses multi-unit, keeping your doors in place. Is it possible to add the function of apartments to these doors? :)

Hi nonne! As far as I’m aware, you can only default replace those apartment doors which is quite useless. What you can do, is to put an apartment door right behind the front door. This, obviously, would eat up the space but could work as a solution.

Anonymous said:

Hello! I just downloaded Feverview and it's gorgeous! I can't believe all the little details you added, the effort and love you put into this project is incredible. I just had a small question: a few residential lots are fake apartments, I was wondering if you know how to turn them into functional apartments

Hi anon! I’m glad you liked Feverfew! ^__^ In theory, you can use SimPE or Lot Editor to change lot type from residential to apartment and then implement apartment doors somehow, but since I don’t have AL in my Super Collection, I have zero experience in that.

Anonymous said:

Hi Criquette! :) I just realized recently that if I delete objects in game, I have to delete first the recolors of it. I've already deleted a bunch of objects without knowing about this, so now my downloads folders has houndreds of recolors without meshes. Do you know about anything I can do to find and delete these orphans? (Delphys download organizer just can't make difference)

Hi anon! I’m definitely not a helper on the matter of keeping Downloads folder organised, sorry ^^’‘ I would thing about finding sets of files with similar names keeping eye on the absence of the word ‘mesh’ in the names, and looking at the file size at the same time. And that would take ages, obviously.

@ardyyy4 said:

Hello Criquette. I love Feverfew so much. But I have a problem. The grass and NHood objects are flickering together and it looks bad. How can i fix it? Thanks.

Hello Arda! That’s because of the neighborhood camera you’re using. I’d recommend you to install this particular camera just to get rid of flickering.

Anonymous said:

Hello! First of great content! Always been a fan! I was wondering if you could give a bit of advice with hood deco, I have downloaded an Ocean floor from Gwenke, and in lot view it only shows up at the very far edges, around my lot it is missing (it does show when render is set to small though). And it shows on beach lots too, I was wondering if you know of way to make it so that it is seen no matter what the view distance is etc? (I have the relevant cheats on btw) Thank you in advance!

Hey nonnie! Thanks :) Have you ticked off object hiding in the settings? Other than that, it could be camera issues.

Anonymous said:

is there a way to stop neighborhood decor from fading? I know there is the „boolprop dontmergenhflora“ cheat, but I still get some fading. for excample when I look at the lot from the street the NH decor by the street fades

That’s definitely sounds like object hiding option from the game settings :}

Anonymous said:

Hey how are you ? I hope all is well. I was wondering how is it that ts2 has no ski deco but in ts1 we had ski slope and skate lake !?? I was wondering can you and the sim community make deco or interactive items such as a ski slope or even snow shoes or just something that goes with seasons n BV pack ?

Hello anon! I hope you’re well too! Ski slope and winter sports related decos is something I wanted to make since 2016, but never had enough time to do so. Sometimes I even think about available TS2 technologies to make an animated ski lift and umm.. may be in the next ten years? ^^’‘

Anonymous said:

hello!! i'm sorry if u already answered something like this (i searched but found nothing) but the better nightlife isn't working for me :(( i put the better nightlife+voielle water on download fold and the decorations still flashing in pink light, i did something wrong? (i use win10) sorry for the inconveniente

Hey anon! Sometimes you have to do these weird steps in order to make it work:

remove Better Nightlife + water mod from your downloads folder,

load the game, load the neighborhood, make some changes, exit game

put Better Nightlife with water back. Toggle day/night with ‘L’ key to see if it works. If it’s not, than the problem is somewhere else. Pink flashing also could be unrelated to Better Nightlife, so I’d recommend to check TS2 graphics setting for Win10 manuals available.

Anonymous said:

Hello there, I'm having a problem with the rural charm, on lot view the roads have yellowish boards (idk how to explain exactly). I saw that was because of CuriousB terrain, but I don't have it downloaded anymore so I'm kinda confused. What should it be? Sorry for bothering,,,

Hello, anon! What’s current season you’re having in your game? It can be the season lighting differences that make roadside and terrain grass colors different. If it’s not, I’d check the Downloads folder to see if there’s still some terrain DRs I’ve forgot about.

@pinkflamingosims said:

Hi criquette! I was wondering if you have any idea why some hood deco cc crashes on mac, like palm 1 to 4 from the tropical 4t2 set by leoz94. Leoz94 says the only difference is the high polycount, but I don't think that's it, it looks a bit high to me but not insanely so, I have other stuff in that range with no problem... Have a nice - evening?

Hey @pinkflamingosims! I hope you’re doing well! Yes, some hood decos are really make the game crash and frankly speaking, I think that’s jsut package related issues like broken references in the resource tree. The best way to fix this type of hood decos is to make a clean and stable new clone and replace mesh/textures again.

Anonymous said:

Hello and thank you for amazing Feverfew map! I have a problem... ground is flashing red and I cannot fix it, do you have solution for this problem? It's been soooo long when I last played Sims 2 so apparently I did something wrong when installed CC. :(

Hello anon! Thank you! Oh, red flashing could be the result of lighting mod not being installed correctly. I’d start with getting rid of any lighting mods to see if it helps.

@marv61 said:

Hi Criquette. I just downloaded your terrain of Forkshire, it looks great! I know it has been since 2009 that you uploaded the terrain but I was wondering if you have a completed Neighborhood with houses, trees and all for download? I would love to play your version. Thanks.

Hi Patchman! Oh, goodness no! :D That was 12 years ago, those TS2 files are long gone since then.

Anonymous said:

Hi Criquette, first things first, I love your work thank you so much, you inspire me! Now the question: I have been using the dirt roads from your Rural Lanes set and found that sometimes it is difficult if not impossible to fit them to the slopes of steep terrain. Would it be possible to instead create road pieces as a texture like your Neighborhood Decals? That way they would "stick" onto the terrain regardless of shape. Wondering what you think? Love!

Hello and thank you, anon! The problem with the decals – we can’t see it in lot mode yet. And it must be a DR only so we’d have to ditch one of the Maxis’ decals for dirt road, which isn’t great too.

Anonymous said:

Hi Criquette! Will Betternightlife mod ever be updated to work with lighting mods with dawn and dusk? Is there any that already works with it? I really want to use the light up hood decos!

Hey anon! You can use it with lighting mods that add dusk and dawn to the game. For instance, there’s one here by @dreadpirate.

Anonymous said:

Hey Criquette! I recently used your template to make lit-up hood deco buildings using the Better Nightlife mod. The day text was great! However, the night texture was being clipped by the day texture. That is, some parts of the day texture was showing through the night texture. Is there a fix for this?

Hello nonnie! I’d recommend to check the meshes to see if day/night parts clip through each other and if they aren’t I’d check if all the day/night TXMT data is correct.

@criquette said:

I've installed Fewerfew following all your istructions. Apparently it works but the night lamps are flashing pink even ig I've installed the mod better night light. It seems that this mod does not work properly. Any recommendation?

Being Criquette, you should know the solution to that issue yourself :P Just kidding, sorry, couldn’t resist! If it flashes pink only by night than you have to check your ‘Downloads’ folder for conflicts. If it’s flashing constantly day and night, than I’d better check graphics setting using some windows related guides available across the Internet.

Anonymous said:

Hello, I love Feverfew and it's amazing. I have a problem where Linden Tree 1A isn't showing up in my game even though it's in my downloads folder. Also the railroad tracks are flashing blue, and those are in my folder too. Thanks in advance! :)

Hello anon! What type of the trees you’re using? Stand alone or default ones? If you’re using defaults, you can find the trees under Maxi’s oaks accordingly. As for the flashing blue railway tracks, check if you have this set in your ‘Downloads’ folder :)

Anonymous said:

Hello Criquette, before asking for help, I came to say that the Brazilian community loves your creations. But, to get to the point, anyway, I have been thinking about creating a Hood (inspired by Rio de Janeiro), so I would like to know how to create Deco Hoods for my game (the statue of Christ), I can't find that anywhere, Would you help me?

Hi there! Ah, most kind, thank you ^^ Well, there’s no big deal in creating hood decos. You have to switch your SimPE to advanced mode and after that neighborhood decoration will be visible in the catalogue to be cloned. I assume you already know how to make lot mode objects and know how to create, edit or convert meshes/textures though.

@hideshio said:

Hello! I found your train set (and it's AMAZING) on mts and was wondering if you had a railroad crossing sign? With the lights, X, and the red/white hand that goes down. Or the lights that go across a pole above the railroads. Thank you! =D

Hello @hideshio! Well, there is a railway crossing sign with lights and red/white hand included in this set :D it’s not animated though. But still!

Anonymous said:

Hi criquette, I’m a huge admirer of you work and I was wondering if you had any advice regarding road placement. Specifically the difficulty of road pieces that are deco only being able to be placed underneath the actually roads leaving it looking a little off.. if there a way to raise them higher before placing them or some kind of work around?

Hey anon, thank you! Unfortunately, there’s no way to make decorative road pieces work for lot mode and neighborhood mode at the same time. If you lift them so they look okay in hood mode, they will float in the air in lot mode. Since my latest creations are lot mode oriented, I’ve decided to save my efforts on making road pieces even with neigborhood mode roads.

Anonymous said:

Hey Criquette. I noticed that in my Feverfew none of the buildings across the street of Feverfew Sports Hall show up. I know those are supposed to be hood deco and look like duplex buildings, but I can't figure out what I'm missing. I deleted and redownloaded everything and couldn't fix it. Also the river ends at the first bridge in front of the cathedral, so the boats next to it appear to be flying. What is going on?

Hey anon! There’s definitely some files missing. If you’ve checked and redownloaded all the files, try to replace the Feverfew neighborhood folder with initial one. The game never restores disappeared hood decos by itself. Even if they were placed in the folder after their absence is discovered.

@simping-simmer said:

Hi Criquette, am I remembering correctly that there is a trick you can do with SimPE to change the height of individual pieces of hood deco? I’m struggling with putting ships in my dock because if I change a CC ship’s placeability to be able to be on both land and sea, it just sinks, but if I only keep it on sea, it can’t get close enough to the shore to place it in my docks. Does this make sense at all? Lol

Hello @simping-simmer, you’re absolutely right. You can change the height of placed hood decos via SimPE. Things you need to do are described here and here

Anonymous said:

Hello! I love all your work. I was wondering if you had ever thought of making some desert roads along the lines of the Terrain Mod: Dusty Roads for Desert Neighbourhoods by Stev84? I love the way this looks in my desert, but unfortunately, this mod makes the road in live mode a floor, which then makes you unable to place driveways.

Hey anon! Thanks ^^ Frankly, I don’t have any plans on creating any desert related CC at all :|

Anonymous said:

Hello Criquette. I would like to thank you for all the amazing work you have done creating content for sims 2. Thanks to you all my projects are possible. My question is: Chainlink fences for neighborhood deco... Do they exist? Searching the web these past day only found for build mode. Do you know of someone who already make some for deco hood? Or kindly will you be able to make some if its not much work? My sports fields and Industrial zones will be pleased for sure! Once again, thank you! :)

Hey anon and thank you! I don’t think hood deco chainlink fences were created by someone yet, but they definitely would be a great addition to the game. I was going to create some while working on Feverfew, but never had enough time to do that. May be i’ll make one at some point in the future!

Anonymous said:

Hello, Criquette. Do you know of any way to place lots without the area around it moving? I downloaded Ousmeo's remake of your Dullsfielde and read his og post using the waytime machine. When viewing that post, Tumblr recommended similar posts, one of which seemed to be a tip to prevent good deco from moving when placing lots nearby, but that post wasn't archived, so I can't visualise it. My guess is that if anyone else knows about this, it must be the best hood decorator that ever was ;-)

Hello anon! Ugh, this TS2 ‘feature’ is driving me mad quite often too! Unfortunately, there’s no easy way to get rid of it. The only way to fix the consequences is to backup initial hood folder and when you finish placing lots, replace spoiled terrain with the initial one with SimPE or HoodReplace.

#replies #answers #asks #Anonymous

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imagine-that · 4 years

Text

Agressive

Warnings: fluff, mild swearing, Peter Parker being more lovable and adorable than humanly possible

Pairing: Peter Parker x Rogers!Reader

AN: hey look, it’s Peter Parker word vomit round two!! I love most of this but Idk what I was thinking with that ending 😬🤦‍♀️ maybe you guys’ll like it though?? I guess I’ll have to wait and see. Also can you tell I’ve fallen in love with Peter? Because I definitely have.

With a deep breath you take one last punch at the bag in front of you, watching calmly as it goes flying across the gym.

“Woah!” A voice from behind you says, causing you to spin around.

“S-sorry! It’s just... that was.... that was so cool.” The boy says sheepishly.

“Yeah superhuman serum can usually make a person capable of stuff that others deem cool.” You say, unfazed by the look of pure amazement.

“Yeah that’s um... that’s true.” He stutters, his face going a bright red.

“Who are you exactly?” You ask bluntly, pulling off the mitts on your hands and grabbing your water bottle.

“Oh, I’m uh... I’m Peter. Interning for Mr Stark.” He explains nervously.

You squint at him, trying to figure out where you may recognize him from.

“He’s also Spider-Man.” Tony says as he passes by briskly.

“Mr Stark!” The boy groans, looking at him desperately. Tony merely shrugs as a response before being back on his way.

“Ok well I’m done here so I’ll be going.” You mutter, putting your fighting equipment back where you’d found it all. You grab the punching bag from the floor, hanging it back up with ease.

“I-I’m sorry? Is everything ok?” Peter asks, looking really confused.

You let out a sigh, finally looking over at him. “Look, you seem like an ok guy but the fact is, you’re one of the people who helped drive my dad out of the country so I’m not interested in making nice, alright?” You explain, walking around him towards the door.

“Don’t mind Capsicle junior, she’s/he’s/they’re hostile with everyone.” Tony says to Peter as he comes back into the room.

“Heard that.” You call over your shoulder.

“Not my fault it’s true.” Tony says with a shrug.

“Whatever tinman. If you talk to my dad anytime soon, can you just tell him how much a kid’s social life tanks when their parent is a wanted fugitive?” You ask as you pull one of your dads disguise caps over your hair.

You didn’t get to go on many missions and you never went undercover but you often used to take your dads hats when you were younger and he eventually just stopped protesting and let you take them as long as they were returned eventually. Now, it seemed they were all yours.

“If I talk to him, I’ll let him know.” He agrees.

“No, not if. When!” You correct.

You’d always been more optimistic than most but since your dad had fled the country, it’d become a rare sight which is why Tony was surprised at the statement.

“Alright, when.” He says with a small smile and you nod before making your way out the door, barely noticing the eyes on you the entire time.

—————————————————————

As a car pulled up to the curb outside your school, you raised a brow at the driver before getting in.

“Nat? I thought you were on another mission off in the world somewhere?” You ask as you buckle your seatbelt.

“I was but then someone dragged me back so there was someone to keep you out of trouble.” She says with a smile.

“I’m guessing Tinman is that someone?” You ask and you groan as she nods.

“You know what happened the last time he was gone. He came back to find you completely drunk after some party.” She shrugs and you sigh, watching out the window wordlessly.

“The last time he was gone, he was going after my dad.” You point out.

“I know you miss Steve y/n. But you have to try to control your anger. No one wants you ending up in one of those cells like Wanda, Sam and everyone else.” She explains.

“At least then I wouldn’t have to listen to people call my dad a criminal.” You fire back.

“Oh forgot to mention but there’s a teenage boy in the backseat.” Nat says casually and you whip your head around to see Peter.

“Nat! You couldn’t have said something when I got in?” You grumble.

She gives you a small shrug. “Figured you would’ve noticed. You ought to train with me more, you’ll be more attentive to detail.” She says.

“Of course. Will do.” You mutter sarcastically, cursing a bit under your breath.

“Hi!” Peter says quickly, obviously very nervous.

“...hi.” You say hesitantly, peering over the headrest to see him and ignoring the little bit of butterflies you feel unexpectedly in seeing him in normal everyday clothing instead of his suit.

“I uh... I’m Peter.” He says awkwardly.

You roll your eyes a bit, a lighthearted smile on your face. “Yeah, I remember. We met like a month ago I think.” You remind him, obviously amused.

“Right...” he sighs, clearly cursing himself quietly.

You’d seen Peter around a few times actually, at Stark industries events and around the Tower and such. You’d basically avoided the boy at every possible interaction, not wanting to be anywhere near him. You’d gone as far as avoiding the gym completely for over a week, worried he might go through there to get to Tony’s lab.

The rest of the ride is spent in silence, you gaining the odd grin from Natasha when she sees you looking back at Peter in the mirror every now and then and you immediately avoiding the view afterwards.

It wasn’t as though you liked Peter. You couldn’t. It was a nearly impossible idea to even think of liking him. You didn’t know a single thing about him. You were still mad about everything that had gone on at the airport.

But you couldn’t say that he didn’t intrigue you. At least not without it being a flat out lie.

Once back to the tower, you quickly scramble out of the car, hiking your backpack over one shoulder as you rush into the building with your head down.

To your surprise, you hear the slapping of the bottom of shoes coming up behind you quickly.

“Sorry, I just... I- can we talk?” Peter asks, searching your eyes desperately for a way to read you or see at least a fragment of what you felt.

You could tell that’s what he was doing. It didn’t much affect you, having been trained to lie by Black Widow herself at a young age. You were quick to put up your defences at any sign of emotional situations which was why everyone resorted to calling you cold and distant. Especially since Steve was gone.

You nod, motioning wordlessly for him to go on.

“Well, I just uh... I just wanted to y’know, check on you. I um... I know our first meeting was a little... rough.” He explains and you sigh, relaxing your shoulders a bit to show a sign of less hostility.

“Look, I don’t hate you or anything if that’s what you’re worried about. I know being offered the opportunity to work with the great and mighty Tony Stark was probably too tempting to turn down.” You mutter sarcastically. “I’m just going through some stuff right now and you being the guy who basically almost got my dad caught isn’t helping matters.” You explain, running a tired hand through your y/h/c hair.

“Oh! That’s actually not what I meant. I can see why you’d not really like me right now.” He says with an awkward smile.

“So what are you talking about then?” You ask, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Well, you’re a kid with superpowers for one. I can kind of relate to that.” He says with a laugh, making you smile a bit. “And your dad is captain America. That must be pretty cool.” He adds.

You laugh a bit, remembering bits and pieces of your moments with your dad. “Yeah... except when you get lectured for having detention by your dad in front of everyone at school.” You say playfully.

“Oh god, I forgot about that video.” Peter says, cracking up a bit.

“You don’t have a reason to hate it as much as me! I had to listen to it and then my dad lectured me about it when I got home. And so did aunt Nat, uncle Bucky and aunt Wanda.” You point out, your smile slightly faltering at the memories.

Peter is smiling but when he looks at you and notices the sad expression on your face, his smile falls even faster than yours had.

“Are... are you ok?” He asks hesitantly, head tilted in concern.

You sniffle a bit, annoyed at your sudden sign of weakness.

“I’m fine. I just... miss them.” You say with a shrug. You laugh awkwardly, wiping the tears from the corners of your eyes. “I’m a mess, don’t worry I know.” You add.

“You have a reason to be though.” Peter assures you nervously.

You laugh, a bitter and off sound leaving your mouth.

“That’s not what people at school think. You’d be surprised at how fast people will literally boo you during gym class when your dad pops up in a video to explain simple health or weight training or whatever. Or how quick they’ll be to shun you. They all think I’m hiding him, harbouring a fugitive.” You mutter, staring down at Peters shoes to distract yourself.

You shake your head a bit, trying to clear your thoughts.

“My dad is off risking his life and he still protected me from everything that happened so far. The absolute least I can do is to stop being pathetic and moping about it.” You mumble with a sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose tiredly.

Without warning, Peters open palm is against your back, moving in soothing circles over and over. To your own surprise, you don’t flinch away from the contact. You instead choose to embrace it, taking deep breaths to keep yourself calm.

“Thank you.” You murmur as you feel him pulling you into his chest a bit. You hesitate for a moment but ultimately decide it’s alright for you to let your head fall onto his chest, almost nuzzling it into his shirt.

You can feel him tense up in surprise, almost pulling away awkwardly.

Immediately, you straighten your posture from your previously slouched figure, back on high alert and embarrassed by your show of vulnerability.

“I’m sorry. Basket case, I warned you.” You say quickly, forcing a laugh as you point an index finger at yourself.

“Er... yeah...” He stutters with a tight lipped smile, causing you to nervously bite your lip.

“Excuse me.” You sigh, running off into the gym again, leaving Peter standing alone in the hall. Or so he thought.

“Well that was... strange...” Tony says, watching the space you’d just left with a perplexed look on his face.

Peter jumped a little bit, immediately standing with near perfect posture.

“Yeah- Yeah very strange mr stark.” He agrees.

Tony looks at him with a cocky grin.

“Kid, do you even know what makes that whole interaction strange?” He questions, leaning against the doorframe.

“Well no-“ Peter begins quickly and Tony holds up a hand to stop him before he gets the chance to yammer any longer.

“Well underoos, it’s incredibly strange because not once have I ever seen junior be in any way vulnerable with anyone before. At least no one outside of the Avengers.” He explains. “And the first time I see it, it’s with you, who she/he/they knows absolutely nothing about.” He adds when he notices the look of pure confusion on Peters face.

“Well it might just be because I was here. Or because I was being nice or...” Peter begins rambling, looking for any valid reasons you may have looked for comfort from him of all people.

Tony stops listening after a while and when Peter finally stops to breath, he puts a hand on his shoulder calmly.

“Kid, she/he/they is right in there. And she/he/they isn’t just nice to anyone for no reason.” He begins slowly as though talking to a child. “Go ask her/him/them yourself.” He says, giving Peter a gentle shove towards the doors to the gym.

Hesitantly, Peter pushes the door open and slips through, gulping a bit as he walks in to find you in the same place you were when the two of you had met.

As he notices you turning around at the sound of his entrance, his nerves take over and he finds himself using his webs to jump up onto the ceiling.

“Hello? Someone there?” You call out uncertainly as you survey your surroundings.

Your fists are up as you cautiously take steps forward, looking around for any source of the noise.

After another few seconds of silence, you figure you were just hearing things and go bag to throwing agressive punches at the bag in front of you.

The feeling of a pair of eyes on you throws you off a bit, suspicions creeping up your spine. You spin around in a circle like a dog chasing their tail, your senses on high alert as you try and shake the feeling.

As you turn with an irritated groan back to the bag, Peter finally decides to reveal himself, dropping down from the ceiling and landing poorly right behind you, causing you to swing around swiftly, socking him in the jaw with your gloved fist.

“Ow.” He moans, putting a hand over his aching jaw.

Your hands immediately go to cup your mouth in shock as you see who it was.

“Shit! Don’t sneak up on someone like that, what the hell?!” You cry out, looking at him with wide eyes.

“I- sorry!” He says, starting to mumble a bit.

You sigh, running a hand through your hair and groaning a bit.

“That was... sorry. That was fucking selfish of me.” You mutter. “Are you ok?” You ask, gently reaching over to examine his jaw.

“Fuck that’s gonna leave a mark. I’m sorry.” You say, trying to contain the laugh threatening to escape your lips.

“Don’t worry about it. I did kind of sneak up on you I uh... I guess.” He replies, laughing sheepishly.

“Yeah. Curse my damn reflexes I guess.” You say with a small grin.

“Junior, language!” Tony says in a mocking tone as he rushes past, clearly on his way to something important.

You scoff, raising an eyebrow at him. “Oh c’mon! That was one perk to my dad not being here.” You say dramatically, your voice dripping with sarcasm.

With the amount of sarcastic remarks and swears you uttered, many people would probably believe that you were Tony’s kid rather than Steve’s.

“Well sorry he asked me to look after you. Blame the old man, not me.” Tony says with a shrug.

“Of course he did.” You sigh but your eyes widen quickly as you look over at him, a light turning on in your brain. “When did he tell you that?” You ask hopefully, eyes baring into Tony at this point.

“Sometime last night? Oh and he said no s/o’s yet. Little late for that I think.” He says, suppressing a grin as he eyes a very red faced Peter.

“You-you talked to him?” You ask softly, too elated to notice the squirming Spider-Man beside you.

Tony nods and you grin.

“He’s ok?” You ask, blinking at him.

“He’s doing fine. Busy all around the world.” He confirms somewhat bitterly.

You were no stranger to the tension between them and somehow you knew that the last time they were physically near each other, it had gotten worse somehow. Still, you knew neither of them would ever break contact with the other for your own sake.

Ignoring the spiteful undertone, you jump around a bit excitedly.

Peter palms a snicker and you whip around, realizing he’s still there.

“My dad’s been gone for so long... I just...” you mutter, hardly noticing as Tony once again slips out of the room.

“It’s ok. I get it, if my parents were still around I’d probably feel the same.” Peter says, a lopsided smile on his face.

“It’s actually kind of... um.... kind of cute.” He admits, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck nervously.

Without thinking, you jump into his arms, nearly knocking him over as you hug him tightly.

“Thank you.” You breath into his ear, ignoring the internal alarms telling you to keep your guard up.

His mouth moves to speak but is quickly interrupted by yet another show of your boldness as you press your lips onto his, kissing him softly.

“I- I’m sorry? I don’t... I don’t know what that was.” You laugh nervously as you pull away, the adrenaline from the moment still pumping through you.

It turned out you’d taken a lot more of a liking to Peter than you’d initially fooled yourself into thinking you did.

“No! I-I mean-“ Peter exclaims, blushing furiously again. “I mean I kind of... I kind of wanted to do the same thing?” He sighs, looking up at you through his lashes.

You blink, your mouth opening and closing with no words coming out.

Before either of you can say much more, Nat walks into the gym and gives you a smug grin when she notices the proximity of your bodies to each other.

“Nat-“ You begin but she tuts her tongue to stop you.

“Your dad won’t find out as long as he also doesn’t find out that I helped Tony try and get you two together.” She offers, looking between the both of you again.

“Ok su- wait what?!” You cry, eyes once again widening in shock.

She grins again before walking out of the gym.

“I could kill them-“ you mutter and Peter places a hand on your shoulder.

“Or we could... er.... we could actually go out together? Like, on a... on a date?” He asks hopefully.

You smile softly, probably one of the first genuine smiles you’d had since your dad left.

“Sounds like a date. Pick me up from the foyer at the compound around six.” You grin, quickly pecking him on he cheek. “Oh, you might want to put some ice on that. I throw a pretty hard punch.” You add, pointing at his jaw and walking away, leaving the boy speechless and more smitten than he’d ever thought possible.

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awesome-cookies-and-cream · 3 years

Text

Reki and Langa’s dynamic

It’s speculation at my part and a shameless rant on what i like about sk8 just to get it off my chest I’ve been so fixated help

it’s 5am I’m at uni and i have a shit ton to do, am I really gonna make an essay about sk8 instead? yes abso-fucking-lutely. strap on to your metaphorical skateboards kids. this is going to be long ride

this isn’t to call out anyone lol so in case you get that impression I’m sorry. I understand everyone is out to interpret media in whatever they like and that’s fine, but sometimes i feel like either some missed some points of the story? anyway here are my thoughts tho

alright so what i absolutely love about sk8 is how they didn’t make anyone into a genius.Genius is a mockery of the hardships everyone does to attain that level of skills. And no Langa is not a genius or a prodigy which I will explain later. I’ve seen enough shounen animes back in the day and usually it’s ‘annoying heart of gold beginner vs. calm and collected genius’ they usually hate each other’s guts and bicker all the time though secretly, deep down care for each other but would rather die than admit it dynamic. While I’m glad we’re moving past that, I really thought Reki and Langa would be like that so....

imagine my surprise when Langa was the ‘beginner’ in skating. He has the potential to be a second sasuke here lol. (blue, handsome, cool) but no he isn’t. he’s an adorable idiot, an airhead, head empty only skating dude and i love it.

Reki as well. He could have been the usual protagonist. (sucks at his sport, loud, hardworking, and by the power of friendship he suddenly beats everyone else which i think is pretty overused at this point, don’t you think?) some people complain how Reki despite being the MC isn’t given screentime and hasn’t won a single beef. (and sure that’s true. he should have won some and langa lose some but we only have 12 eps so lol) but he’s not the usual protagonist you know? and sk8 isn’t about winning. if it was, I think they would have focused on the techniques. the hows and the what to do.

Idk if you noticed, but sports anime with winning in its goal would often explain in detail certain techniques. (see haikyuu) but shows like Free and Yuri on Ice isn’t exactly talking about how to win that seriously as Haikyuu did. It’s more focusing on the feelings and how their lives are affected with their passion for this sport. it’s about the character development!!! and i think SK8 is something like that too. It explores the character’s feelings rather than sport. (like what i tell my sister, they use the sport as a character device if that makes sense?)

this was literally in the opening lol. it’s really about the feelings you know?

so anyway it’s been pointed out several times that Reki was already feeling insecure about his skills in skating since ep 1 way before Langa came. But he still likes to skate and despite feeling never enough, he still enjoyed it. (some also pointed out that Reki’s reason of going into a beef against Shadow has been because he insulted his way of skating not because he wanted to be the best) so the show from the get go was already hinting at his self esteem issues.

this also implies that Reki has always been feeling like this in a while, added with his tendencies to bottle things up, it makes sense that he’ll blow up at some point and he’ll need to release all of those feelings. (so yeah i think this is just the right amount of eps for their fall out. i see some people complaining shush. otherwise it would also feel too rushed. this is years weighing him)

and i guess it’s also implied in here he’s had days like these too in the past! seriously it’s an ongoing problem he’s been carrying. i think 3 eps is pretty good enough pace to internalize it

so point: Reki was already down way before Langa came. langa just added to that. And don’t go blaming Langa cause the boy did nothing wrong.

Consider that Langa just lost his dad (i think we need more backstory on this though. please sdsjkdksl i need little Langa and his dad interactions) he just moved countries, and the only connection to his dad (snowboarding) is gone cause it doesn’t snow in OKinawa

though one also argues that Langa hasn’t been snowboarding since his dad was gone.

so for Langa, Reki introducing skating to him was revolutionary. You’re someone grieving over the death of what is probably the most important person in your life, the thing you love the most no longer gives you joy (as was shown in the flashbacks and basically Langa going ‘it’s the same’) and you’re in a new country with a language you barely are fluent. you can’t even read or write, and you barely have friends granted you don’t have much back in the day. it’s horrible.

and then this guy you barely know talks to you, befriends you, helps you get a job, and teaches you something you thought you’ve lost and through that you made more friends??

yeah you see why Langa likes Reki. You also see why he’s obsessed with skating. It’s kind of like a coping, a fixation. plus he’s bad with social cues i guess? the interview says he’s likely to get dumped for being too inattentive lmao and that’s what makes him interesting!

also the thing that really surprised me when they first interacted was how supportive Reki is to Langa. it also got to me with how much Langa thinks highly of Reki. Again a deviation to the ‘i say i hate you but deep down i care for you’ trope. they’re full on supportive and protective. i like that. it’s fresh to me. I thought Reki was going to the tsundere ‘hmph that’s not a big deal’ route at the start of ep 2 but he’s really amazed. (kinda also says he’s been very desperate for someone to share skating with but that’s another topic)

so Reki teaches Langa how to skate. and Langa sucks. Which was interesting to me because I thought Langa would be some flawless prince-like character. But nah. He trips and faints at his own blood lol. He’s so uncool and i love it.

Some people say Langa is over powered with a thick ass plot armor which gets him to win (which is why i see people saying he should have won against Joe and I actually agree that Langa should lose some beefs but again only 12 eps, so little time)

but I still wanna talk about it anyway so it’s revealed Langa was snowboarding since 2. That’s 15 years. I think that should be around the same time Joe and Cherry should be skating. and i think if you start earlier as a kid, your body develops differently. (should Langa, “an amateur” win against Joe a pro? the question falls more on whether you can classify Langa as an amateur) i think it’s like Langa being very used to motorcycle tricks from age 2 then suddenly he’s using a regular bicycle, and sure the feeling is mostly the same but there’s just something off. Your body doesn’t easily forget what you know, especially if it did it for 15 years. and so Reki customizes a board for Langa so it’ll feel exactly like snowboarding

So Langa has a customized board that he needed to get used to before he went pro. He really sucked the first few eps lmao. but that’s more of him getting used to the new rules. he pretty much told Reki in ep 2 that he can’t do a skateboard ollie, but he can do a snowboard one bec it’s attached to his feet.

(i may just want to add that one thing i also like about sk8 is that it really doesn’t care what you need for accommodation? if that’s how you do it best, then go for it. When Langa says to Reki he can’t do the ollie without the board attached to his feet, Reki immediately goes his way to accommodate him. usually people in real life might say ‘it’s not real skateboarding if you need a modification etc. but look at Cherry with a freaking AI board and people are like yeah whatever do what you want man. whatever rolls your board.)

so anyway Langa vs. Joe with Langa winning despite being an amateur? if you can even call him an amateur that is. Plus all his tricks are snowboarding tricks lol. everything he’s done is testament to his 15 years of snowboarding?? We don’t even know how good Langa is in snowboarding. Someone make a post about how difficult the snowboarding equivalent of those tricks Langa has done just to show people it means he’s pretty pro (I’ll even argue maybe Langa’s real talent is his creative ways of going around things which kind of why Adam is highkey obsessed, and calls Cherry who calculates everything to the last second boring but that’s a different can of worms I’m opening later) plus Langa barely won against Joe so there’s not much difference in level i think. Should Langa have lost though?

I think some have missed the point of that beef in Reki’s pov. and if the Renga reconciliation is done well, it would be worth it.

that beef got Reki to realize he what he really wants! that it’ll kill him if he can’t skate anymore! that he doesn’t wanna only cheer on for others and be a support! THAT HE WANTS TO SKATE BY LANGA’S SIDE WHICH IS THE REASON FOR ALL THIS INSECURITIES if Langa lost, that cathartic realization might not have happened. He might have gone to Langa and cheered him up, brushed off his insecurities and, made up with Langa halfheartedly without addressing his problems

I’m going to go back to Reki’s insecurities. In ep 6 he’s been afraid of being left behind, and sure Langa came back for him but he still forgot until midway. (will that parallel how Langa got too excited with the idea of skating, the same feeling he thought he lost forever. The same thing that he thinks connects him with his dad, and might have left Reki behind, but later remembers and goes back to chase him? hopefully) in ep 4 it’s obvious he’s afraid of the near death experience Adam gave him, and he’s just realized how different their skills were. in ep 5 he worries about Langa, enough to get nightmares about it. mixed with his friend getting hurt. it’s obvious the feelings are very very muddled there.

So he begs Langa not to skate with Adam.

And what did Langa do? say that he wanted to skate with Adam. (again he’s not the most attentive. he probably thinks he’s just skating with his best friend, all is good then boom. Reki leaves. as a person shit with dealing with other people, i don’t blame him at all) he’s trying to fix it though, but his bond with Reki primarily revolves around skating! how else was he going to warm up with Reki? He also doesn’t know that Reki has self esteem issues that’s always been there since the beginning. He probably doesn’t understand it too because he holds Reki up highly. in ep 6 when Reki was going over his board, Langa thinks he’s pretty cool. he didn’t hear what other said to Reki. He’s earnestly having fun with his friend

We should also note that Reki was never angry at Langa’s skills, he wasn’t resentful that Langa was far ahead. Again he’s been nothing but supportive. He doesn’t want to pull Langa down. He wasn’t like Miya’s friends that lashed out at Miya for being better. in ep 7 he tries his best to follow Langa

it feels like he’s mostly regretful that he can’t catch up. he doesn’t want Langa to slow down, he wants to go faster and meet him where he was. So it makes the realization that all he wants to do was be in equal with Langa more frustrating because he thinks he can’t keep up. (and this only ever started when he heard he’s like Langa’s plus one. there’s that daunting feeling about being pulled around. not being his equal)

if you need further proof, when Langa and Joe were having a beef, he wasn’t aggressively hoping Langa would lose. in fact he encouraged him. He worries deeply He calls him out when he was doing badly. Still very supportive as ever. So really the frustration isn’t to Langa, again, it’s all internal. He wants to be better

so he’s feeling shit and Langa goes to him in the middle of the rain, bless langa for trying, thinking talking about skating (what he thinks Reki loves and would probably cheer him up, not knowing that’s exactly his problem) tells him

which is probably the worst he could say.

THAT’S what got Reki mad, not really Reki being insecure though that’s part of it, that’s what they’re fighting about, Reki is angry he’s breaking his promise. He thinks Langa doesn’t care about Reki, that he’ll easily break a promise between them that Reki obviously cares about just so he can go skate with Adam who is way better than him. It blows to the self esteem. Reki probably also think that if only he was better, langa wouldn’t bother skating with someone that dangerous. it doesn’t help at all.

but langa doesn’t know this. he doesn’t see all this. Langa might have been too up the high of skating like in ep 6, he sorta left Reki behind again.

it kinda makes Langa’s mom’s words hit harder though

and he did just that. he got too engrossed.

It parallels adam, cherry and joe’s friendship then probably tadahsi’s too but who knows? reki and langa, and tadashi and adam might parallel too, the master and the student thingy Adam might have gotten too obsessed. So Joe trying his best to make sure Reki and Langa won’t end up like them hits a little harder in my chest ;’)

but Langa won’t be to engrossed i think

because unlike Adam who’s aggressively looking for his ‘equal’, Langa is just looking for someone who makes his heart beat, to make him feel like he’s skating with his dad again, someone he loves dearly. (there’s a parallel about loves here too between Adam’s and Langa’s. but I can’t write it now) and he probably already thinks Reki is his equal anyway. He just wants to have fun. he doesn’t think much about the skills.

maybe at first he does. that’s why he’s drawn to Adam but from ep 9, it was pretty much shown that skills really doesn’t matter from when he skated against Joe

if Adam easily discarded his friends because he think they’re boring (which was why the whole skateboard to the face thing with Cherry), langa doesn’t think like that

if anything Reki is important to Langa because he only has fun skating with Reki, who taught him how to skate and made his board. (his board that was customized to fit his style btw, and arguably the only reason he could skate that well. without it, he might as well be a beginner once again.) so without reki, langa is left with nothing. especially with his broken board

no fun in skating, no way of skating. He’s only manage to get this far because of Reki and he knows that now. All of it would be pointless if he doesn’t have Reki (and either he gets so obsessed in chasing that feeling again, or he stops completely) but in case you haven’t noticed it, Langa’s motivation revolves around having fun with skating no matter the skill or place. And he’s having most fun with Reki.

But Reki obviously doesn't know Langa’s feelings. He thinks Langa was forever looking for someone better. So he’s still caught up in the idea that Langa won’t want to skate with him (even though Langa has never shown this) and he left S entirely, thinking what he wants is impossible. fucking just talk you two motherfucker

(I also wanna point out that Reki has always been shown from episode one to be good at making boards. And that’s amazing? We need some support recognition and appreciation, seriously) I think maybe most who find problem with Reki not winning beefs like the usual shounen protags aren’t used to the nuance and perspective of being someone ‘ordinary’. Reki’s character is relatable because most of us feel ordinary, never enough, surrounded by geniuses, ‘inferior’. And if we’re being realistic since a lot are saying joe should have won because langa winning is unrealistic and you want realism so bad no I’m not salty at all there will always be someone better than you. ALWAYS. but what’s important is for you to have fun in what you love! in what makes you happy! AND even if you’re not good at one thing (in Reki’s part, skating) he’s also good at other things (making boards) so does he need to stop one for the other? no. He’s shown to enjoy skating with Langa, he doesn’t wanna stop it hurts him so much he quit. But he can also hone his skills in making boards as well as skate. He’s equal with Langa in a way he doesn’t even notice when he made that board for Langa, but even Reki’s presence alone makes Langa enjoy skating the way Reki also wants Langa by his side.

So I think the next ep is the best time to confront all these feelings. And how it happens might be what’s tricky. Like romantic or not, i personally can read it both ways though i prefer if they do become canon. (idk if it’s queerbaiting. i guess friends can care as deeply as that but ngl, these shounen bestfriends having deep connections that are written off as friends while also giving us bland af hetero love interests who did nothing but exist and be straight really is messing with my perception of romantic and platonic love irl) anyway their talk better be done really well, or else all those episodes of tension would be for nothing

It’s a nice perspective to give a shounen protagonist this time. It’s new, it’s fresh. How many incarnations of underdog turned the best at their craft can you take? variety is nice! and if you don’t like it, there are always a dozen other animes like that for you to turn to. to conclude, IT ALL GOES BACK TO THE START: WHAT IS YOUR HAPPINESS???! AND FOR THEM IT’S THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP BUT IN A VERY DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE. FRIENDSHIP DOESN’T SUDDENLY GET YOU TO LEVEL 100000000000 TO DEFEAT THE FINAL BOSS. FRIENDSHIP IS WHAT MAKES DEFEATING THE FINAL BOSS WORTHWHILE

Anyway tldr; maybe the real Eve is the friends we made along the way :D and idk if I’m making sense but obviously I’m head empty only sk8. Renga needs to talk, i can’t believe they have the audacity to make a recap episode as if i wasn’t head empty only sk8 since february, and if there’s more emotional edging to come, i will burn some of the palm trees outside my house

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smcc212 · 4 years

Text

Forbidden Tryst

Pairing- Finn Shelby x male! Reader

Word count- 1,256

Warnings- fluff, idk that’s about it

A/N- I’m a little drunk and I wrote this ‘cause I’m bored. Also, I wrote this on my phone so I can’t add a ‘read more’ thingy so... sorry about that. I sincerely hope you all enjoy this! Xoxo

Let me know if you wanna be tagged!!

You and Finn grew up together, the two of you were best friends. It was a normal friendship, until Finn kissed when the two of were drinking in his bedroom.

You’d always had a crush on Finn, but you refused to expect it; it wasn’t normal and you had to get over whatever this was. But, when you Finn kissed you, you couldn’t deny the way you felt. You wanted to be with him, to kiss him and hold him. But, it was wrong.

The next day, Finn asked to speak with you in private.

“What happened last night,” Finn began, sighing. A little bit of hope creeped into you. “Was a mistake,” He continued, your heart dropped.

“Yeah, man, I guessed so,” You laughed, but you knew that wasn’t what you wanted to hear.

As the years went on, your feeling for Finn never subsided. You were sure he would never feel the same way, until one day. Finn came up to you and asked if he could talk to you. You went with him into a dark alley where no one was able to see the two of you.

“What’s up, Finn?” You asked, trying to hide your nervousness of being alone with him. All you wanted in that moment was for Finn to push you against the wall and claim you as his own, but you knew that won’t happen.

“I... um... I like you, (Y/N), like... a lot more than a boy should like another boy.”

“I like you, Finn... a lot more than I should like another boy,” You agreed nervously. You scratched the back of your neck as Finn looked everywhere but at you.

“I was, um, I was wondering if you... if you wanted t-to see a movie with me or something?” He was clearly nervous as were you, but you couldn’t deny the excitement that flooded your body.

“I would love that, Finn,” You mumbled quietly. The two of you moved closer to each other, you were just about to kiss when-

“Finn!” That was Tommy’s voice. “Where the fuck did you go?! We need you right now!” He shouted.

“I’m sorry, I’ve got to go, I’ll phone you later,” He said giving an apologetic smile.

“Alright, I’ll see you later.” You looked around to make sure no one could see before giving Finn a quick peck on the lips.

Finn has phoned you at around one o’clock that morning, you’d never answered a phone so fast, the two of you nervously ironed out the details before deciding it was time to get some sleep.

The next morning you woke with a spring in your step, bouncing around like an excited puppy. You had a shower, brushed your teeth, styled your and put on your favourite suit. You waltzed down stairs, gave your mother a kiss on the cheek, and headed to meet Finn.

You arrived at the pictures to Finn standing waiting for you, he was looking but you couldn’t tell if he looking for you, or if he was looking for someone you might see the two of you together. However, you forgot about the second you saw Finn’s bright smile when he noticed you walking over.

“I already bought the tickets,” You chirped.

“Thank you.”

“You look amazing,” Finn added, remembering the advice John had given him about woman, and, although you weren’t a woman, it seemed to work as a large smile plastered your face.

“Thank you, you do too,” You mumbled back, a little fluttered after the compliment.

“Shall we?” He asked, motioning to the door.

“We shall,” you replied.

The date- was it a date? You thought to yourself- couldn’t have gone better. The movie was great. Finn held your hand during the movie. He’d even bought you popcorn before you went in which the two of you shared. Afterwards, the two of you walked to the northern outskirts of Small Heath where it wasn’t just factories and drunk man, but rather the beautiful countryside. You told Finn you always wanted to live in the countryside and he said ‘one day w-you will, love’.

The two of you lay cuddled up under a tree talking about yourselves and getting to know each other even better before the sun start to set. Finn walked you home. You couldn’t have hoped for a better day, you felt like you were in a movie.

That’s how life was for two of, away in your own worlds, far away from the hate you’d get if anyone found out, the two of you could be you were without anyone there to shame you. The two of you sharing passionate kisses but never going further as Finn knew you didn’t want your first time together to be outside. It was all going well, until one day Tommy, Arthur and John decided to follow; to find out where he was going all the time.

You and Finn were in your usual spot, cuddled up together against a tree. The two of just sat there for awhile staring out at the breathtaking countryside; the one place the two of you could be a normal couple. Finn gently pushed you of his chest, before grabbing your chin and tilted your head towards his so he could capture your lips. The two of you were so caught up in moment, thinking no one was there, that neither you nor Finn noticed his brothers walking around the trees.

“What the fuck is this?!” Arthur shouted, you and Finn quickly splitting apart at the sound of his voice.

“Arthur, calm down,” Tommy said with a calm voice, placing a hand on Arthur’s shoulder. John was just staring at the two of you, shocked. “Finn, would you care to explain this.”

“I-I.” You grabbed Finn’s hand to calm him down, giving him a nod. “I-I like boys...” He mumbled.

“Why didn’t you us tell before?” Tommy asked, his voice still calm as he looked at us, not an ounce of judgement in him.

“Well... I was scared of what you’d think... worried you’d think of me as less of a man,” Finn admitted, sheepishly. “John, are you going to say anything.”

“I don’t know what to say... I never thought you were gay.”

“I’m not gay, John.”

“Yeah?” Arthur began. “Then why are you shacking up with a man, Finn, eh?”

“I like girls, alright. I just... also like boys...” He trailed off.

“So...” John began speaking once again, a grin forming on his face. “You can fuck literally anyone you want?!” He exclaimed excitedly, making you chuckle before Finn glared at you. You murmured a ‘sorry’.

“Arthur, whatever you think of it, kept it to yourself, eh?” Tommy said. Arthur nodded. “Good. Now why don’t you head home, me and John’ll talk to Finn and...” he gestured to you.

“(Y/N).”

“And (Y/N).” He finished. Arthur walked away and once again you were left in silence.

“Tommy, I knew it’s not right, but I love him.” You smiled at Finn saying he loved you, no matter how many times he said it, it always gave you butterflies.

“And I love Finn,” You said confidently.

“Alright then,” Tommy said clearing his throat. “Just... be careful, alright?”

“Of course, Tom,” Finn said looking to you.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Alright, well, I’ll hold a family meeting once you two are done here so you can tell everyone, and bring (Y/N), okay?”

“Thanks, Tommy.”

“Yeah, thank you, mister Shelby,” You agreed.

“(Y/N), call me Tommy.”

“Okay, Tommy.”

#finn shelby gay #gay finn shelby #finn shelby #finn shelby x reader #finn shelby x you #peaky blinder fic #peaky blinders fic #peaky fookin blinders #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinder gay #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinder #finn shelby x male reader

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seoafin · 3 years

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usually for manga raws i used lovehug.net but they recently changed url from loveheaven and the jjk’s link is broken so i can’t check sth from it and have to depend on memory 😔 but i’m attempting to read jjk in chinese and omg whoever translate it is so thoughtful— they even add the lil details of translation like geto scolding gojo over his use of pronouns “ore” while the eng translation completely ran over it. if ur still interested in the chinese translation then u can read it : here (I RLY WANT TO GET THE SHONENJUMP BUT MY MOM WAS ALL LIKE : tf u spending money over that? just read online)

the mistranslation is still there in the shibuya arc when ppl shld have caught a glimpse at yanki! megumi : “先に逝く、せいぜい頑張れ” = “i’m going first, do your damn best” while the eng translation is “i’ll be the first one to pass on, good luck”

it rly shows megumi's resolve. he’ll gladly give up his life knowing his opponent is completely fucked and laugh at it from the grave. "good luck" like,, if u were going that way, then "good fucking luck" would be closer. sth to show how giddy he is at the prospect that he won, even in death. that’s how megumi is

i forgot how exactly he addressed ppl in the raw but he’s def more badass and vulgar but yanki! megumi is cute in a way like picture this : squatting outside a conbini with oversize sweatshirt, joggers, socks, and plastic slides, dried squid hanging out of his mouth. he’s not smoking just feeding the local stray cats (based on the audio drama “jupon”)

the crunchyroll subs of gojo and yuuji : he says "i don't hate people like you (君みたいのは嫌いじゃない)” but the subs shows “nice! i like ppl like u” non jpn speakers are just not going to get correct characterization at all. and when nobara said “it’s kinda hard for a closet pervert like him to answer that”,,,, is not it either, the word “muttsuri” has 2 meanings = closet pervert AND someone who doesn’t talk too much. nobara only known megumi for few weeks at that point in the manga, it’s a weird choice of word, so the closest thing would be “an introvert” / unsociable

how does megumi even get away with stuff like this in jpn i have no idea. my life flashed b4 my eyes bc of addressing my grandparents informally on accident like with my grandmother, i’d either just called her お婆さん “grandma” or with “あなた anata” but there’s this time i called for her with “君 kimi” and she looked at me dead in the eyes + used “你 ni” instead of ”您 nin” in front of my grandfather and his friends 💀. in my defense i 90% use my mother tongue on the regular (with some english here and there as loan words) which also have this “hierarchical”way of speaking too, and teachers in my school would call ppl out like “where/ who do u think u are?” so the safest way to completely speak informally is in a hangout spot or in dms/ chats

what do i have to do to get jjk anime and manga translators on op/ bnha lvl, they’re so problematic and FOR WHAT first the crunchyroll subs and the stefan guy. honestly if u wanna support jjk just buy the jpnese manga and merch and if u can and read the translation for free (on pirated site) every week, don’t buy the official english volumes they are not worth the price ur getting robbed of a good translation. if i don’t check the raw and compare the eng one i’ll never know,, and bc jjk is blowing up and could even reach kny’s lvl of popularity i feel like it’s such a waste - 🐱

I WANTED TO READ MEGUMI'S YANKEE SPEECH 😭 unfortunately I am NO WHERE NEAR the basic level to read in Chinese 💀 at least japanese manga has the hiragana on the side LMAO

I am despairing at the horrible English translations😭idk why professional companies can't manage to find actually good translators and knowing how the western fandom has a tendency to forget that america is not the only country in the world + misinterpret things only makes it worse ❗️❗️ there’s so much nuance and cultural understanding that gets lost in translation and yeah, some of it is inevitable, but it’s part of a translator’s job to make sure that they accommodate it!!! honestly at this point i’d say that a lot of american translators lack the attention to detail to truly be able to "translate" bc this isn’t the first time i’ve seen this happening. it rlly doesn’t make me want to support the translators, but i probably will buy the japanese copies for akutami...

apparently the "my one and only friend" was also mistranslated but I'll have to find the post though!!

ALSO I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT THAT NOBARA ONE WHY WHY WHYYYY. and that other mistranslation where yuji calls nobara a bitch...i wanted to KILL SOMEONE

#luckily my grandmother understands my broken korean #when i speak to her it's korean and then when i dont know a word it's english LOL #oh god korean schools are strict about hierachy too #i went to a korean summer school and the punishments for being disrespectful...no joke....#🐱 anon #.jjk ask

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adorascake · 4 years

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Hi I saw you talking about instrument stereotypes in your marching band au and was wondering if you wanna talk about what these stereotypes were? Thanks for the fic it was a really fun read!!!

i don’t really feel like talking about all of the stereotypes so ill just do some im familiar with agahsls

flute (*chef kiss*): dainty, sweet, loves gossip, lipgloss wearer, Basic White Girl, either super quiet or the meanest girl you’ve met, oh yeah only girls play flute bc of cooties. um. im required to add tho that in my experience, flutes are literally all over the place. yeah u have ur stereotypical ones n ive known a couple in my life, one was my best friend for 8 years (she quit after 7th grade tho lmao. the tea is that i wouldn’t have played it if she didn’t make me do it with her), but some of my closest flute friends are: insanely smart and in a million clubs and high key intimidating until u get to know her, the biggest procrastinator and the definition of gifted child syndrome (also an atheist who loves Christmas more than the Virgin Mary); a pageant queen/rotc/girl scouts/stem girl who just wants to work for nasa; chillest dude ill ever meet and literally does not give af about anything; awkward uncle-like figure that is unpredictable; sweetest queen in the world who loves memes and is woodwind captain;;;u get the idea. as for me, i fall under some of the stereotypes lmao. im reserved and im a wearer of lipgloss but id consider myself kinda unpredictable? bc my non-band friends and family members all see me as this quiet sweet girl but i was heavily involved in band and leadership and have had to raise my voice at stupid 9th graders and have literally sat my booty on a moving prop in front of thousands of people with a microphone attached to my flute,,,so,,,tea. people are always shocked at how much i did in just my high school career bc they don’t see me like that, but im determined as shit and work my butt off to win awards and do exceptionally well in auditions. i guess that’s kinda my explanation for sticking adora on flute? it’s part of it, anyway. it’s just not expected of her bc of the stereotype and her overall demeanor. buuut she also plays multiple instruments and her primary instrument was supposed to be trumpet so it works out.

lmao okay with that rant aside ontoooo clarinet: passive, passive aggressive, pretty chill for the most part, probably tired, they’re pretty competitive like flutes ngl, will talk shit about u behind ur back, shows up to rehearsal in pjs tbh, has a very specific aesthetic they follow, and in my experience, date too much within their own section

oboe: mean, sarcastic shits, irresponsible af but also very timely and organized (again, personal experience that has a story involved that the directors never forgot all year long), probably march saxophone, OR they super sweet and the most friendly and talkative person you’ll ever meet

bassoon: chillest people on the planet, will trade a high five for a short nap, probably gay, take what they do very seriously but also complain about band nonstop

saxophone: do i,,,do i need to go into detail? plays careless whisper way too many times (seriously how the FRICK do all y’all have it memorized the FIRST DAY OF BAND CAMP????), will pretend to write on their music when the director asks everyone to write something down bc they don’t have a pencil, hair care is of upmost importance to them, a little full of themselves, probably also play sports

bass clarinet: don’t really have much to say about these dudes. the reed group is relatively decent as a whole. they do get forgotten tho

French horn: they are one of the following: full of themselves, take what they do seriously, both, or could not care less about band or music. oh my god the amount of times the mellophone soloists were called out for cracking notes last year—

side note i was supposed to play french horn but said NO i will be metal stick with holes girl>:(

trumpet: oh my god. the cockiest of the cocky. the good ones know they’re good and don’t hesitate to show it off. probably dating a poor freshmen flute. has probably dated 5 flutes in the course of their high school career and told them all they loved them and would never break up with them. these people’s egos are through the roof it’s actually crazy how high they are. hence, why adora gives off trumpet energy.

kk im getting lazy so low brass as a whole: what...idk what goes on in there but i don’t think i want to find out. it’s like. a cult or something i swear. also please @ confident dudes please stop changing in the band hall for rehearsal no one cares to see that (literally the amount of clothing ive had to clean up when it was the flute leaders’ turn to clean the band hall,,,this ain’t ur closet buddy please take ur cowboy boots and jeans home). also please stop losing ur stand tune music. and please keep ur locker areas clean it’s actually terrifying what goes on over in that area.

percussion/front ensemble/pit/drum line: okay front ensemble/pit is usually pretty chill, tho i hate them bc they got to stand in the shade for half of band camp while the rest of us suffered in 100 degree heat. oh yeah and they had their phones. also dated a dude in front ensemble who turned out to be a jerk and insulted my intelligence and abilities as a musician despite me being more accomplished than him,,,so im somewhat biased. but the electronics guys??? sweet as hell. always helped me when i had a mic issue n always had the mics all ready to go for us for rehearsal. when the fuzzy thing on the mic kept falling off?? they did try to help n i love them for that, even tho no resolution was found n the fuzzy thing kept falling off throughout the season (n at super regionals❤️). drum line?? druggies the lot of them. probably ripped. the girls are hot so catra could’ve been on drum line but i needed her on clarinet for the purposes of the fic. they do be givin off a sicc beat tho✌🏼

#AGAHSKSLS THIS IS SO LONG IM SORRY #literally if anyone asks me about band i will go on a rant❤️❤️bc i love music❤️❤️#asks

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dottie-wan-kenobi · 5 years

Note

Hey! A bit ago I saw that you were wondering if anyone was interested in a tutorial on dialogue?? And I just wanted to say that I would totally love to learn how to write dialogue/banter like you do, if you’re still interested in creating that tutorial of course

Hi yes of course I’m still interested!! But before I jump in, let me say that this is by no means a be-all-end-all, and this is just what works for me. If it works for other people, that’s great! If it doesn’t, that’s totally valid! Maybe this could be a jumping off point for other pieces of advice, idk. But anyway, let’s gooooo

Okay so I’m gonna be pulling out a bad example of my own writing, and a good example for each point, which is extra but will hopefully show the differences, & I’ll be doing it without putting anyone else down so yeet!

SAY IT OUT LOUD, MAKE SURE IT FLOWS, MAKE SURE IT MAKES SENSE

Another point to this one is, can you imagine real life people saying it? If the answer is no, then you gotta rework it. If the answer is yes, then yay!

Otherwise I’m not really sure how to explain this. Making sure it makes sense is easy enough, and saying it out loud is too, but making sure it flows is different. What I do for this is maybe not the best advice, but I use less periods. Commas, dashes, and ellipses keep it from being choppy. Also, adding words/phrases such as ‘well’, ‘like’, ‘I mean’, ‘uh/um/er/etc’ can help connect sentences/thoughts together in a realistic way.

BAD EXAMPLE:

“Bruce shrugged. “I knew, but didn’t realize, I guess. I’ve known he was young since I first learned about him.”

Clint, who was blanching, said, “he looks like a kid. Or an underage father. Think about what he had to go through as a kid, though."” - posted on July 1st, 2014

Why it’s bad: (Ignoring the horrible blocking dskljflksdf)

It doesn’t flow! Bruce’s line here feels just a little off, probably bc I was trying to put information where it shouldn’t have been (more on that later), but even without the second sentence, it’s still off. Time to reword, then; I’d change it to “I learned about it when I was studying him, but I kinda…forgot.” Idk about yall, but I can see Mark Ruffalo saying this, shrugging sheepishly. This flows a lot better and in my experience, it’s more likely someone would say this instead of “I didn’t realize, I guess”.

Clint’s lines should be combined, and there should be some diction added in. “He looks almost like a kid, or like, an underage father. God, think about what he had to go through!” Way less choppy & has some rhythm to it, instead of sounding like a robot is saying it.

GOOD EXAMPLE:

““Stop texting me weird stuff so late at night.”

“It’s not weird,” Sam denies immediately, “You just don’t appreciate it.”

“Why would I appreciate—” Steve reads carefully off his screen, “—Buzzfeed’s ‘Which Possible Illuminati Member Are You?’ quiz?”

“Because everyone thinks you’re in the Illuminati anyway, so why not see if you get yourself, you know?”

“Okay, but at four am? What were you even doing up that early?”” - posted on March 2nd, 2019

Why it’s good:

This is one of those I suggest reading out loud to understand the flow. Banter, at least in this case, is like slapstick comedy, and it’s gotta go back and forth without going way off course (unless that’s the desired effect!). Steve says something, Sam picks something specific to react to & adds a comment that makes it seem like they’ve maybe had this conversation before, and from there, they pass the rhythm to each other. Going from the second-to-last to the last lines is part of the flow; Sam makes a point that Steve doesn’t want to refute, so he continues it in another way. “Okay, but” is like the hinge connecting one flow to another. I’m just talking in circles now but anYWAY THIS IS BACK AND FORTH.

TRY TO FIT THE CHARACTER

Think specifically about the character, and if it sounds like something they would say or not. That’s kinda hard at times, so just make sure you aren’t having them say things you can definitely NOT imagine them saying. I’m gonna go with Batman because we all know him enough to know what he absolutely would never ever say.

BAD EXAMPLE:

Batman says, “And I was like, ‘oh my god, is this serious? You’re just turning yourself in?’ And he said ‘hell yeah I am!’ and I almost died from the shock!”

Why it’s bad:

Batman is a character who doesn’t ramble and wouldn’t retell an event like this (by paraphrasing it & recounting exact exchanges). He’s a very stoic person, and this whole thing is more emotionally open and telling than he would be comfortable with. And while this flows, I can’t picture him saying it unless it’s a heavily AU’d version, which is generally not what you want.

GOOD EXAMPLE:

Batman says, “The Joker turned himself in last night. I assume he’s planning something, something big if he’s willing to go to Arkham for it.”

Why it’s good:

This is a lot more subtle with the emotions, and a lot more monotonous, which is what Batman would probably want to sound like when recounting an event like this. He WANTS to sound like a textbook or police report, which are serious and straight to the point. But he can still add his thoughts into the mix, e.g. “something big…”, which shows how he’s kind of surprised and is thinking about what it means.

YA CAN’T ALWAYS INPUT INFORMATION INTO THE DIALOGUE

Sometimes you really want or need to share some information with the readers, and an easy way to do that is with dialogue, right? Sometimes! This, like everything else, hinges on flow & the realisticness of the words. Some pieces of info need to be conveyed through thoughts or actions, and some of it just shouldn’t be shared, no matter how much you might want to include it.

BAD EXAMPLE:

“Bonnie asked, “so…Original vampire? What does that mean, exactly? If you don’t mind my asking, I mean.”

“It means that my siblings and I were turned into the very first vampires after the death of my youngest brother. Also turned were my father, sister-in-law, and nephew. All vampires in existence come from us.”” - posted on March 6th, 2017

Why it’s bad:

The OG vampire in question here is Elijah, and while it makes sense for the character to quickly summarize it, it doesn’t flow. He would probably react firstly to Bonnie’s last sentence, then answer more concisely, “It means that my family and I are the first vampires in existence.” Maybe with an additional comment about them being the source of all other vampires, but not much more. Being so specific chops up the rhythm and makes it harder to understand, almost, ‘cause that’s a lot of people to keep in consideration.

GOOD EXAMPLE:

““What are you talking about, Kev?” Cheryl sets her phone down, the picture of fully-invested. “Schools don’t just shut down in one day.”

Kevin flops into the other chair, breathing calmed for the most part. “Apparently they do. Dad told me they arrested a teacher there for selling Jingle Jangle to students, and when they were going through his office they found meth. The basement was being used as a meth lab. The whole thing’s being quarantined and shut down until further notice.”” - posted on August 2nd, 2018

Why it’s good:

It flows!!! For being secondhand information, it’s clear enough to understand without bombarding readers with extremely specific details. It reads almost like an online article, with enough feeling to make it interesting, while still explaining exactly what’s happened.

DIFFERENT MOODS/DYNAMICS

Something to think about when writing dialogue is what mood your characters are in, and what kind of relationship they have with the character(s) they’re talking to. If person A is in a bad mood and talking to someone they like, they might try to tamp down on the mood in order to be nice. If person B is in a great mood and talking to a stranger, they might be pretty exuberant and friendly. Etc etc. Gonna use Superman as an example (this is extremely cheesy but it shows the difference).

BAD EXAMPLE: (Mood)

Extremely annoyed, Superman tells Lex Luthor, “Lex, you’re crazy! Trying to take over Metropolis with a hair growing scheme is just stupid! I’m leaving!”

He goes on to his date with Lois, now as Clark Kent, and says with a smile, “Sorry I’m fifty-seven minutes late, Lex kept me at work! Anyway, how was your day?”

Why it’s bad:

Okay I know this is cheesy I’m sorry I wrote this at 2 am last night lkdjflksjdfhskjdfhjashf ANYWAY. Superman goes from talking to Lex, who he doesn’t like and is quite annoyed with, to talking to Lois, who he does like and presumably isn’t annoyed with at all. The problem here is that you usually can’t turn moods off like a switch. Even though Superman likes Lois, he wouldn’t walk into the date perfectly happy. The annoyance from dealing with Lex would stay with him (though it would probably fade the longer the date went on). I think instead of smiling, he would be rolling his eyes a little and complaining like, “I swear, he’s so inconsiderate….”, instead of immediately jumping into “how was your day?”

GOOD EXAMPLE: (Dynamic)

Superman laughs as Robin does a flip off his shoulder. “Good job! Maybe next time we could try it from a little higher up,” he winks.

Robin cheers, “Yes! Thanks, Uncle Clark!”

Superman nods and leaves, finding Batman in the hallway. Seriously, he says, “Batman.”

“Superman.”

“Did you get your report done? They’re due by this afternoon.”

Why it’s good:

Again with the cheese that’s my bad lmao. This is mostly to show that characters are gonna sound different when speaking to different people. When talking to Robin, who is a child and quite a friendly one at that, Superman is teasing and joking around. Then, when he talks to Batman, who’s a grown man and also his coworker, he’s more serious and to the point. Both situations fit his character but show he’s got different relationships with different people.

IN CONCLUSION, uhhhhh yeah follow these points and hopefully dialogue will come a little easier. Experiment and have fun with it (these aren’t rules, but guidelines!), and if there are any questions I’m happy to clear them up/answer them/whatever lol.

#long post #writing advice #dialogue advice #writing tag #idk what to tag this as??#shut up dottie #Anonymous

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years

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40, 47, 59, 62, 76

lmao hell yeah thanks for All this support i love it!! quastions

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

really idk i feel like even our schools’s Antics were pretty par for the course and i was just sitting in the corner reading the whole time basically......trying to think if anything wild happened in college but even then it was p similar. well you know what, whatever donors covered the majority of the cost of the school’s black box theater being renovated apparently Stipulated that every other year a rodgers and hammerstein production be put on. absolute freaks. my roommate/friend and their then-boyfriend, the one mormon i have Knowingly Known in my life, were in pirates of penzance (sic?) together. hilarious

47. favorite type of cheese?

i like cheddar and like, parmesan, smoked gouda.....let’s get that shit Sharp!!! and hard lmao

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

idk i’d be like an npc just doing their weird thing on their own. i’ve never played pokemons unless you count pokemons Go but i think about the famed “i like shorts they’re comfy and easy to wear” npc kid. like, yeah. i feel the same. and would say similar bullshit nobody asked about

62. seven characters you relate to?

oh god.........recognizing the self through the relatable characters :|

well let’s just talk about the wrol roles right off b/c the characters that Most occupy my gay thoughts (which is to say: my general thoughts) will inevitably get priority when it comes to Remembering things

1) whom among us doesn’t relate to jared kleinman........will roland emerging from relative obscurity and coming for our entire fucking lives like the goddamn legend he is. it’s tough b/c it’s like, oh well alana is relatable too, so is evan unfortunately sorry evan, and in ways i might ~usually act~ like one of those two more than jared but. no. it is Jared who wins the relatability contest, and we all get to be beautifully haunted by it forever

2) leaning hard into winston even with the few glimpses of him b/c somehow will Cannot play an allistic cishet. and this is even More of a case where maybe i don’t much have winston’s demeanor.......even without winston being a beacon of confidence, he has more confidence lmao. and he has that ability to just Be Himself in a situation which, i wish i had that moxie lmao. i am a lot more [usually trying to be accommodating wayyyy harder than i should], booo......even though he’s clearly not great at conflict considering how it doesn’t take Too much to put him out, it’d be pretty impossible for me to be all “called them hacks and lame” or carry out a very irritated monologue in front of four people in the first place lmao. but who knows. and it’s more in the details of like, oh no winston’s the odd one out even though he hasn’t really Done Anything, but we all ~understand~ why he Deserves it.........his expectation / treating it basically as Fact that he will disappoint people.......the [weird] [offputting] behaviors and his way of speaking in What he Says and How He Says It seeming wrong to people.......like it’s only 15-ish min of content that we have here and we don’t have the least info about will’s own thoughts on the character but it’s like. how is this such an iconic Gay Autistic Quant b/c these vibes are so rare. and i appreciate that he can be ~difficult~ lmao. same with jared though i didn’t mention it. i can be difficult!! love it for us...

3) briony atkins from murder of bindy mackenzie as a character who Does act more like how i Usually Act Like lmao.....god we’re only on three i forgot there was seven of these. and yet i know there’s probably at least 2 dozen characters who could make this list and i just won’t think of most of them unless directly reminded......but anyways yeah i mean in person i mostly do Not want attention unless i feel comfortable enough / in my element or whatever. especially if it’d be some situation like “sitting in a group of randos” lol. i mean it depends b/c i also can sometimes be ~on~ in terms of Masking and trying to be like Haha I’m Social I’m Regular and i def engage in Nervous Chatter sometimes, but like, very often it’s like god don’t talk to me and i don’t want to talk either.....and then yeah people Will be surprised that like, idk, i’m opinionated as shit and idk that i Enjoy Things / Have Thoughts And Feelings coz the assumption i guess is that you must simply have nothing to say. so the dismissal of this person who seemingly has nothing to contribute and must be Boring rings true lmfao.....but then of course it’s also important that her personality Under that is the one getting mistaken for emily’s lol cuz yeah At Heart i am sure of that dramatic / intense / excitable type Sometimes. but it takes some excavation before i am like “oh i can engage in my actual self” and like weeks and months to get comfortable w/ people and i’m always suspicious that anyone actually would enjoy it and i’m not too much......i am a motormouth actually and have something to say about any and everything and like to Have Fun Here but like. idk i come off as boring and can be Notably Quiet lmao

4) oscar martinez from the office is weirdly [Haha Same] sometimes lmfao. sort of keeps to himself but also has to pipe up with Opinions and Pedantry and the kind of Drama of a restrained theatre gay. some deleted scene from an episode where during an interview clip of Jimothy in a theater lobby and you have oscar call from across the group in that [wearied Ugh God] way of ‘jim, they’re remaking ___’ while jim just kind of gives a cursory “wow gosh” or whatever and like, i sure don’t have lots of Theatre Opinions but that “oh jeez i have a Take on this and have to share it with someone” vibe is like hahaha yeah.....it’s funny in the “the gang goes to the ice rink for a third of the ep” bit where you just catch oscar doing [ice skating turn] with some solemn intensity.......the “here’s a question nobody’s asking: is this worth it” quote.........way at the end where there’s a whole deal with one of the indoor plants and he’s like “why is it a He” @ the collective gendering of the houseplant lmfao.......i love the one thing where he and pam and uhh toby right? have the Finer Things book club or whatever and jim wants to join just like ~ironically~ and pam has to tell him that oscar doesn’t want him to join b/c he’s not going to take it seriously and use it as a Jokes Vehicle. and then you get the scene at the end where jim Is basically doing that and they’re just like taking it out of him and oscar’s all very seriously like “did you get it all out of your system” lmfao like yeah, earnest members only lmao.....the thing where he gets mad at angela’s like Jazz Musician Posed Babies posters all “it’s kitsch it Destroys art” lmaoooo and in a totally different season all “this is the problem with debate” over the completely inconsequential “is [whichever actress, i forget] Hot” “”””debate””””.......the whole tendency to get involved and always have a take to get across.....opinionated-sometimes-to-the-point-of-petty central. also that he’s the canon gay, are there even any others? anyways and as the us office’s spiritual successor i’ll add on to this by uh what’s the name of billy eichner’s character on parks and rec? it’s craig right. that Self-Powered Intensity is very #me as well.

5) augh god........im like lmfao shit who represents my Hater Club side. hmmm. oh no wait you know what. totally different but i love Prof Beatrice Hotchkiss in the trt nancy drew pc game. she’s holed up in her room writing all the time and just is weird when you try to talk to her all like no i won’t open the door, bring me food, do this Research, bring me my Ski Boots i guess......and then when you do meet her it’s all at like post-midnight in the lounge and she’s all like, encouraging you as a Night Owl and your investigative curiosity and all and i’m like oh word yeah being up in the dead of night is the shit. she’s just weird and passionate and this is another character i might not Act hardly at all like but who i vibe with lmfao. hotchkiss was the supportive adult in my life

6) remembering how hotchkiss is a historian made me think of academia which made me think of like, once again with “these vibes are So So Rare” i really ought to put the wrol role of Nato on the list cuz like. that essential representation of “gets gr8 grades but isn’t really ~academic~ / doesn’t care about that and really just cares about Hanging W Friends and [real specific interests]” is like wow damn that’s the Mood. coz like to an extent i can always Relate to the ~overachiever~ types a la the [nerd character gets all-A’s and other nerd shit] deal, but there’s eventually the issue of like.....those characters like bindy mackenzies and alana becks Care about their achievements (not exclusively as some ppl would have it 9_9) and are Studious whereas i always hated school and was a godawful student in terms of Habits and always got good grades b/c the devil was with me or something and like people will think i must have tried real hard and dedicated myself to Academics and stuff and it’s like.........no................not at all hardly, sure i did my hw every night but at like 11:29 pm or studied for a midterm at lunch right before the class lol or flipped through a lil bit of the sat study guide the night prior.........the “low-effort dumbass who Academically Excels Anyhow” representation is so crucial like!! i run into a wall when it’s the Good Grades nerd character who is real studious and focused and stuff like. couldn’t be me. meanwhile the “naturally weird + probably some ‘deliberate’ weirdness” and “likes animals” and “most likely to just wanna Roll With It” and “shitty focus lol” and “non sequiturs” and “without [activity] i do nothing” is all like....ahahahohoho..........nato rly got to make this list. and honorable mention for Wrol Jeremy. again: whom doesn’t relate!!!!!!!!

7) damnit i know there’s So many answers to [characters i relate to] and whom cover like, more particular Facets here but i’m struggling lmao. Uh. like i’m like, who’s the Hot Mess / continually evolving disaster characters i vibe with......who’s the peak despresso detached Haters rep......who embodies the solo production lifestyle........dammit you know what lol i tend to Feel for like, the background ~nobodies~ who might just get like totally destroyed in some movie with life or death stakes just to like, show how much danger our heroes / Important Complex Protags are. same w/ jeremy not feeling like the Hero / the one who the story’s about / the cool guy / player 1 / etc etc etc i’m like oo i’d be the npc who doesn’t really do anything, i’d be the rando getting blown away in the background of someone else’s story. on a totally different note another shoutout / honorable mention to wybie from the coraline lmfao one of the best characters invented from thin air for an adaptation......tangentially relevant b/c he’s entirely here to support the protag / not his story at all, just here to help and prompt interactions / exposition really.......but love that [weird loner kid who’s best friend is a cat and annoys the other kid and doesn’t Get it and has specific interests and entertains himself and just is doing weird shit around here tf dude lmao killing it] like, #mood. #lifestyle. less dismal to relate to than the bg person who dies......his counterpart who totally dies is somewhat fleshed out / given Investment so it doesnt Really count as [background Nobody who’s really just fodder for “defining the stakes / threat level”] Character Concept

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

latkes maybe......Yummy

#i expect to now just think of like ten dozen Other Characters who would've been great to mention #c'est la vie!!! c'est comme ca!!!! speaking of. thinking of the hc that winston jsut. drops french phrases into his speech sometimes #building on the moi....tbt ur benston fic w quelle horreur.....#nothingunrealistic1

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ekkorn · 5 years

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hi there, just saw in the tags that you didn‘t like endgame. would you like to expand on that? i am curious to know other people‘s perspective. personally, i liked it. it has flaws, yes, but to me it was enjoyable. if you don‘t feel like answering, that is fine :) have a great day!

oh wow. you really wanna know? okay, but on your own head be it. :o

i’m just joking, i’ll go easy, or at least give you the digest (a vicious lie) version. if you want to see the full extent of my derision and vitriol, you can go to @lowkeysebastianstan, which is the blog where i’ve tried to limit this too. but to give you the not at all short and not so sweet of it, here goes. (endgame spoilers obviously).

the first thing that really set me off was the ending, more precisely, what steve did. it made absolutely no sense whatsoever, and hit me closer to home than most of my followers here since bucky and steve are my fave characters, and the only ship i really have. now, i never thought stucky would become canon, not even a little, i didn’t even hope for it. sure, the representation would’ve been awesome, but there’s no way marvel could’ve done it justice, so it was just as well it was never gonna happen. what i hadn’t prepared for was to what extreme extent they were terrified of the ship and the effect it would have if they were to let it be even a hint that could be interpreted as some emotional connection between them, for 3 films they’re built bucky up as the most important character in steve’s life, he’s risked his own life to save him, he basically eradicated hydra during wwii fueled by grief for him, he was prepared to die for him in tws, he fought his friends and gave up everything for him in cacw, and then he just? leaves? to be with a woman who died of old age and natural causes after a long fulfilling life with another man and family of her own. who specifically told him to fucking move on in tws? yeah, sure. and do not get me wrong, i adore sam wilson, after bucky, and the real steve rogers, he is by far my fave in the cap verse (saving a few spots for my bp and cm peeps in the mcu, but we’ll get to them), and he is the superior choice to pick up the mantle, no doubt about it. (okay, a little doubt, they teased sebastian with that shield for 8 years, they based bucky on the brubaker storyline where he becomes cap, and so i do feel a little torn bc no matter how happy he must be for his friend, and him and mackie are good friends, he must be a little disappointed? but who knows, maybe they’ll do something with that in the series, which would be stupid af bc that would negate the positive leap in representation, and mackie deserves it too, so who the fuck knows, i’ll probably not be around to keep track anyways, and can you tell im rambling), but for steve’s last words to be to sam? while bucky stands and watch in the background? like??? i could go on in (more excruciating) detail, but that was why i linked the blog, there might be a point or two about this on there.

but that was just the start. all through the movie i felt disconnected and uneasy, they made some really weird choices, but i don’t think it was until nat took the plunge that i knew i had an absolute dud on my hands.

the mcu has done a lot of things right, but their treatment of women is NOT one of them. and oh boy did they go out with a bang. first is the obvious implication, he got to live bc he had “more to live for”, and she didn’t have a family, and ye gods we know she can’t have kids, so why should she live?

(see, if the bw movie wasn’t in the books, i’d completely get it, if it was to give scarjo her life back, and she wanted nat to be good and dead, sure. actually, when i first watched it, that’s what i thought tbh, that the bw movie was cancelled, so. but it’s not, so she will return. and since that the case it’s just fucked up that they yeeted her off the roster. and sure, some of the bw movie was always gonna be set in the past, but tbh? i don’t see much point in prequels for dead characters, you know that whatever happens won’t affect the outcome for the character at all, and i usually find them completely void of meaning. that might just be me though). and of course the fact that she died the same way gamora went didn’t help. (gamora’s death was maybe the single worst thing in aiw, she was fridged, not for the advancement of one man, but for two (thanos and quill) and it.just.shouldn’t.have.worked.thanos.cannot.love! again, mcu and women? not a good match.)

then of course, it comes back to steve and how much he doesn’t give a crap about the people close to him in the present, we never see him care or grieve for anyone but peggy, and he could barely spare two tears for nat before it was all business again. and the rest of the team? i think clint cared a little, and banner threw a chair, but that was it. no memorial, not burial, no nothing, it was like she never existed, and she died saving the world just as much as tony, he couldn’t have done jack shit without the soul stone.

and speaking of women, shuri and okoye? before the trailer dropped i was sure shuri was in this, that we’d get to see her lead in her brother’s stead. i actually did a short lament on this already, here.

carol was terribly underused, after all the oompf about her being there she was barely a blip. but the haircut was fantastic, and the best part of the movie was when she returned at the end.

then there’s nebula and gamora (again). at first i was actually quite pleased that they sort of found a loophole to bring gamora back, but then i thought about it (yes, sometimes i get seduced by the flashy colours too) and yeah. sure. a gamora is there, but she’s void of all the things that makes her interesting and all her development is just gone, everything “our” gamora achieved and experienced is gone, three films worth of arc is worthless. so what then is the point of getting “her” back? i don’t care about this person, i don’t know her. are we gonna see quill just harass her the next film, bc you know, she’s been with him, so why shouldn’t he expect her to just do that now? tbh i wouldn’t be surprised, but now that gunn is back maybe he can save it? not that i’ll be around to keep track though.

then nebula. nvm that time paradox, that’s a whole other fuckfest i’ll get back to, but we had to get to see her get killed too, didn’t we. by her sister, the only person in the world she loves. fucking fantastic, i cannot control my enthusiasm.

and no, cool as it was, the a-force surrounding parker is not enough to bring this home. it was a cool sight though. (see? i can see the good.)

then of course it’s peggy. a woman he knew for a few months back during the war. (sure they knew each other longer, but i’d say, even if you’re very generous, they can’t have spent more than a couple of months in each other’s company, and they kissed once). who they stripped of all character development and autonomy so that steve could go back and get his “damce”. everything she achieved, every good thing that happened to her, her husband, her family, her advancement in shield, all gone. bc steve must have his happy ending, no matter that she told him to move the fuck on in tws, who cares.

and then there’s sharon. yeah, they forgot about her, didn’t they. i mean, i was never really on board with that, the whole aunt/niece thing was a bit too weird for me, and this was way before i shipped stucky, but that doesn’t matter. bc they did that, they had them kiss within days after peggy’s death (oooh, look how he cared for peggy), making it clear that this was the beginning of something. (also marvel and several of the actors treated emily like crap, oh yeah, i remember, doesn’t help either.)

(gods i said this would be short, didn’t i? imagine if i could’ve spent all the words i’ve spent ranting about endgame on my latest chapter? good grief.)

then there’s their so called lgbt representation. 30 seconds of a character that had a total of 60 sconds of screentime in tws lamenting his dead lover? well. i. they wanted credit for that. i just.

then there’s thor. they negated every ounce of development he had in ragnarok, this also goes for aiw, wasn’t happy about that, and made him completely ooc, he just spends his time drinking ab\nd playing fortnite of all things? bold of them to assume that will still be a thing in 5 years, but also? thor? THOR? neglecting his people? his friends? the world? thor? then they of course made him fat, haha, so they could add fat-shaming to the list while they make light and fun of his drinking problems, his grief and his ptsd. awesome. the funniest.

then there’s clint. that they just randomly made a killer? just, like a straight up murderer? okay then. and still nat deserved to die. excellent.

then there’s banner. okay, i don’t think they fucked him up as bad as the others, but it’s still strange he would risk his intelligence to become hulk full time, but you do you.

rocket and rhodey were the best things about this damn disaster, just putting it out there.

then there’s tony. i mean, we knew he was the main protagonist, and im not objecting that, (even if i think it’s really strange he’d be born in 1970) but idk. that was strange’s plan? all that for that? and pepper just went, eh what the hell, just die, i can raise this kid you wanted. (i know, i know, she’s her mom, she cares), but it was just so flat. and idk. i mean, rdj wanted his life back, just as evans, but i’d want to see that switched, that tony get to retire and steve sacrifice himself to save the world. tony could still be the deciding factor in strange’s plan even if steve delivered the coup de grace. at least he cared enough to show an emotion™when peter came back, which was more than steve bothered with. jfc they fucked up steve.

then there’s the time travel. okay, a few things about the 2012 thing. they put him in the elevator, and then, instead of having him just kick the crap out of the agents, they reference hydra!cap? the biggest shitstorm in the comics in the last two decades? like what the actual fuck? then of course there’s the americas ass thing, which, again, that’s steve, cares about his ass but not his friends! (but at least 2012 steve cares about bucky, maybe he’ll save him a couple of years early, back to the future steve will just live out his life knowing bucky is getting tortured somewhere in siberia, good times.) oh! and i guess they have their loophole to get loki back too, great, they’ll probably just forget that he’s not in the main timeline, bc who cares.

and the fun just keeps coming with the time travel. oh they tried with some crap explanation that no one can make sense of, but here’s the kicker. they can’t either, they don’t even want to try, they don’t even agree with each other.

+ +

how did they know to meet up in wakanda or wherever, the dustees? did strange send a memo? not just the ppl in the soul realm or wherever they were, but all the others too, like valkyrie and hope. time and place just magically popped into their heads? and what happened when they all came back? or some came back, bc obviously a shit ton of ppl died at the dusting, like the pilot of a 747 gone? plane goes down and such, ppl really dead. and where do they reappear? where they disappeared? aka those passengers that got dusted comes back mid flight? fun! and what about the ones that moved on in their absence? what happens to the ones that come back when their wives and husbands are remarried, when there’s no place for them in their old lives. did all of peter’s classmates get dusted, or did the rest of the class graduate without him, i must assume that all of those in s:ffh did, otherwise some would be in college by now, yeah?

and that’s another reason their watertight time travel is leaky af, there’s no way to get the logistics to work. the only option as such would have been to go back to 2018 and fix it, to reset time, bc otherwise there are just too many holes, it’s just not possible. but they can’t do that bc then they’ll undo all the things that happen in the future that the characters don’t want to lose, like tony’s kid.

oh, i know, it’s a superhero movie, but im strange like that, i expect a modicum of internal logic in all my movies, the bitch that i am.

okay, im gonna leave it there, ive run out of steam, and i want to gif a set. there’s a few things more, but i think you’ve gotten the gist, that i’m not a fan of this movie and a short (lol, so sorry, nothing is ever digest with me, i should’ve warned you) list of reasons why. honestly this is the first time i’ve really don’t a more general account, ive pretty much stuck to steve and that crapshute, there’s a lot of other blogs that concentrate on the other characters, i’d list a few, but i don’t have it in me rn, pop me a msg if you’re interested, also if you’re interested in some real meta, this rambling rant isn’t something that people should be exposed to honestly.

avengers: endgame was a shit movie and no amount of “he’s worthy” and “avengers assemble” is going to fix that, BUT if you enjoyed it, i don’t think less of you, obviously everyone is different, and i envy the hell out of you, i sorely wish i could’ve liked it too. the russos directed what is by far the best movie in the mcu imo, tws, and they had us all fooled, even if we probably should’ve seen it coming after iron man 4: civil war.

hope you’re having a spectacular day, sorry you had to read this if you did, and and thank you for making mine better, i really had a rant in me needing out. (you’d think i’d run out of hate for this by now, but nah.)

thank you for the ask :)

#whyisitsohardtogetoutofbed #ask #answered #anti endgame #i am sorry #i know it's awfully negative #but you asked #obviously you couldn't have been prepared for this though #so i am i bit sorry #lisa's crap #oh look a new tag #i refuse to keep tagging for spoilers #if you've still not seen it idk what to tell you #also the read more should be enough

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naruto-oc-critiques · 6 years

Text

Haruno Kozue

Hello! I’m Mod ATB, and I’ll be reviewing your OC this time around! So, let’s get started!

Pretense: Diverges from canon somewhere after Shippuden Name: Miyara Kozue Clan: Haruno Gender: Male Age: 10-19 Time set in: Begins 2 years before Boruto Birthplace: Narakami (IDK if there’s a canon name for the capital of Hi no Kuni) Lives in: Haruno residence

(ATB: All of this looks fine, but I would add in the meaning of Kozue’s name. And his birthday as well. Adding in astrological signs or blood type is up to you but would add more to his character, too.)

Appearance As a child, Kozue was small for his age. He had brown eyes and pale pink hair, the mark of a Haruno clan member. He has a fair amount of scars on his body, gained from his time as a shinōbi, but the 3½ inch scar on his stomach came from his time before the Academy. As a teen, Kozue is still rather short (standing at 5'3). He wears his hair short, either slicked back or held back with a hairband.

(ATB: While some things are missing, such as skin tone and weight, I can get a general image of what he looks like. Everything looks good to me, but I would add those two, just to get a clearer image of Kozue. And maybe a sentence describing what kinds of clothes he wears. You don’t have to go into specifics, but maybe try adding if he likes casual clothes, what kinds of colors he wears often, etc.)

Family • Miyara Kikyo: Kozue’s mother; ran away from home at the age of fifteen to be with her yakuza boyfriend (who grew up to be Kozue’s father). Kikyo had Kozue when she was in her late forties. He remembers her as a fiery, intelligent and persevering woman who loved to dance. (ATB: You could add in a brief reason explaining the reason why she ran away. You don’t have to, but I think it would be good to know.)

• Miyara Chiriko: Kozue’s father; a yakuza boss. He inherited the position from his father; despite his occcupation, Chiriko was known as a gentle and kind-hearted man whose passion was helping people. (ATB: I think it quite interesting that his father, the leader of a yakuza group, was known as “gentle and kind-hearted.” And not in a bad way. I think adding in a little more between Kozue and his father’s relationship would be great, because we know how Kozue felt about his mother but not about his father.)

• Miyara Atsumu: Chiriko’s adoptive son / brother. (Atsumu was found as a child during a raid. Chiriko adopted him as his “little brother” to protect him. He is closer in age to Kozue than Chiriko). Atsumu was a michievous and friendly type whom Kozue viewed as a brother.

• Haruno Kizashi is Kikyo’s estranged older brother. He is also Kozue’s grand uncle. (ATB: One tiny thing: if Kizashi is Kikyo’s older brother, that would make him Kozue’s uncle. Not his grand uncle. A grand uncle would be the brother of his grandparents.)

• Uchiha Sakura is Kozue’s first cousin once removed. (ATB: Sakura would be his first cousin.)

• Uchiha Sarada his first cousin twice removed. (ATB: And Sarada would be his first cousin once removed.)

Occupation: Shinobi (Active duty) Rank: Starts as a genin, becomes a chūnin around fifteen, and tokubetsu jōnin around nineteen (ATB: This looks fine and reasonable.)

Team: Team Five • Tsuzumi Ushio: She was on the team that brought Kozue and his family to Konoha. As his sensei, she is a tough and unrelenting teacher, determined to make tough shinōbi out of her students.

• Yakushi Ken: Son of Yakushi Kabuto. He is protective of his dad and will defend his family honour against anyone who dares try to slander it. He tries his hardest to look smart, but in reality his true interests lie in body building, not medical jutsu. He is the team’s taijutsu specialist.

• Imada Junko: Junko is a chipper person, the sort who can cheerfully sing and dance at five in the morning in freezing weather. She is Team Five’s ninjutsu specialist.

(ATB: For Ken and Junko, I would add in maybe a sentence or two describing how they and Kozue feel about each other.)

Relationships • Haruno Kizashi & Mebuki: Kozue stayed with them for his first two years in Konoha. He moved out shortly after becoming a genin, but he still drops by their place for dinner every now and then if he can. (ATB: This is fine but, again, maybe add a sentence detailing how Kizashi and Mebuki first felt about Kozue. I can’t help but wonder how they - especially Kizashi - felt about his estranged older sister suddenly contacting him and then the circumstances under first meeting Kozue.)

• Uchiha Sakura: She was one who saved his life the day he came to Konoha. She visited him regularly whilst he was in the hospital, and they bonded. She will sometimes drop groceries off at his place, or scold him playfully for not taking care of himself.

• Uchiha Sarada: Kozue and Sarada acknowledge one another as kin and sometimes chat a bit, but they’re not really close.

• Uzumaki Naruto: The Hokage was one of the first people Kozue saw when he woke up. They are on friendly terms, but they’re not close.

• Uzumaki Hinata: She was another person who visited Kozue when he was in the hospital, though her visits were not as regular as Sakura’s. As the wife of the Hokage, it was important for the public to see her caring for injured children, especially if said injured children happen to be related to Haruno Sakura. (As herself, Hinata just happened to be genuinely compassionate). Kozue never forgot her kindness. (ATB: Very interesting point about her role as Hokage’s wife, and I do think that is a very good way to have Hinata and Kozue interact.)

• Uzumaki Boruto: They’re friends, but only after Boruto was convinced that Kozue does not, in fact, have a crush on his mom. (ATB: Haha, that’s really cute!)

• Uzumaki Himawari: She has a crush on Kozue, who thinks Himawari is really pretty, but at the moment he isn’t really looking for romance.

• Uchiha Sasuke: He is the entity that comes with Naruto, Hinata and Sakura. Kozue has always been a bit unnerved by his cousin’s one-armed spouse, but has never said anything about it. (ATB: Really like this and think it’s a nice touch. Sasuke would come off as a bit unnerving to some people, and I think that says a lot about him that even a yakuza heir would be wary.)

• Tsuzumi Ushio: Kozue and his sensei have a good relationship; outside of training, she doesn’t treat him like a child or handle him with pity; she treats him like an adult, and in turn Kozue feels as if he can trust her with things he wouldn’t even tell Sakura.

• Azuma Nobu & Imada Junko: Nobu and Junko often invite Kozue to hang out after training, usually to catch a film or eat out.

(ATB: His relationships have variety, which is great. He has his family, he has friends and he has his acquaintances - he’s not close with everyone but he also isn’t completely detached from them. The only thing I would suggest is maybe add in who Azuma Nobu is, because I didn’t see him mentioned in the team section and you didn’t specify who he was. Also, on some of the characters, add in how Kozue feels about them (or how they feel about him). But, other than those couple things, his relationships look good.)

Personality For the survivor of a traumatic tragedy, Kozue is surprisingly well-adjusted. He has friends and (healthy) hobbies outside of shinōbi work, and he isn’t particularly obsessed with revenge. He’s had therapy and no longer shuts down when put in enclosed spaces, though he’ll never be 100% comfortable in them. Kozue is a good peacemaker, and he has the ability to make people comfortable and open up. Being raised as a yakuza heir has given Kozue a certain confidence. He gives off the impression that he couldn’t care less what people think of him, and this draws people to his side. If there’s anything he’s inherited from his mother, it’s her charisma.

Around his friends, where there’s no one to impress and no part to play, Kozue is comfortable enough to just sit back and be a listener. He’ll laugh and roll his eyes and just be a teenager. It’s the only time he really, truly relaxes.

As a shinōbi, Kozue is a careful planner. He’s calculative, and more practical than sentimental; he’s the type who would readily end one life to save ten others. He sometimes has difficulty relating to people’s emotions.

(ATB: Really gotta give kudos to you have adding in him having therapy. It’s something that I personally don’t see very often. And I give props for the therapy not completely “curing” him, but instead making his life more comfortable and manageable. I like that his being raised as a yakuza heir gave him a confidence and charisma - I could totally see that being truthful. And, I think it’s great that you add he only really relaxes around his friends; it communicates that he’s really been affected by his previous status (always have to put up a certain front or “be” a certain kind of person) and, that despite everything, he’s still just a teenager.

I also appreciate that he has trouble with relating to others’ emotions, which is once again good at tying in his background. I will suggest thinking about if his inability to relating to others’ emotions affected some relationships he has - or could have had.)

History Kozue was born the heir to a major yakuza syndicate located in Narakami, the capital of Hi no Kuni. He lived a relatively normal childhood, constantly accompanied by his adoptive older brother, Atsumu.

When Kozue was ten, word spread that the government was planning to crack down on the yakuza. Gangs began to merge; at the end, there were only two gangs were left standing: the Hisuikumo-gumi, to which Kozue and his family belonged, and the Aoishishi-kai.

The Aoshishi-kai were a ruthless group that had no qualms against extortion, loan sharking, and drug trafficking. The Hisuikumo-gumi had been, under Kozue’s grandfather, just as bad, if not worse, but since Chiriko’s rise to power they contented themselves with mostly gambling and smuggling. The two were rival clans, but for sixty years they’d had a truce, each clan keeping to their own territory.

Everything changed when the Aoshishi-kai were busted for drug deal. They blamed the Hisuikumo-gumi for snitching; a gang war ensued. The Aoshishi-kai vastly outnumbered the Hisuikumo-gumi; Chiriko knew it was only a matter of time before things would go south.

Thus, one night a sleepy Kozue found himself shaken awake and bundled into a carriage with his mother, a couple servants, and Atsumu. Chiriko stayed behind to help his men; the plan was for the three of them to flee to Konoha and hide with Kikyo’s older brother, Haruno Kizashi, and perhaps hire Konoha shinōbi to help boost their odds of winning.

That never happened. Kizashi received a letter in advance from Kikyo; a vague letter that simply stated she wished to make amends, and that she and her sons would arrive in three days. She never showed up; a week later, returning team happened upon a locked and abandoned carriage a few miles from Konoha, the piled up bodies Kikyo, Kozue, the driver, and the two servant girls inside; there was copious amounts of blood everywhere, and a body matching Atsumu’s description was found a few feet away. Kikyo and the two servant girls were both dead, and Kozue, trapped under their bodies and sporting a stab wound to the chest, was delirious and half dead at the time of discovery. He would have died, had it not been for Sakura.

Kozue spent three weeks in the hospital. When he woke up, he was informed that his father and his men had all been killed by the Aoshishi-kai. He was later given over to the care of his grandparents. Two years later, he joined the genin corps.

(ATB: Really interesting background, especially with introducing yakuza. I also think you chose an interesting way to incorporate a canon character as a relative, and I think it’s cool you didn’t make him and Sakura siblings. But, I would suggest adding in how Kozue felt during his life in Konoha.

Also, adding in the reason why he joined genin corps and how his life with his grandparents in Konoha was would be good for more characterization. You didn’t add them in his relationship section, so I wonder if they were on bad terms with each other. I would also add a little more to his childhood.

While I think it’s charming he had a relatively normal childhood despite being a yakuza heir, I think actually detailing how he was raised would tie into nicely with his personality. You already have his background affecting personality, so why not go the extra yard to really put the pieces together.)

Abilities Kozue has no Kekkei Genkai. His taijutsu and ninjutsu is about average; he’s best at genjutsu, but his real speciality is his tactical thinking.

(ATB: His abilities actually look pretty good but the information is a bit lacking. Maybe add in some genjutsu techniques, how well he does with shurikenjutsu or talk about his speed or stamina, etc. to flesh things out. You could even talk about what kind of tactics he favors in battle.)

Other: —

ATB’s Final Thoughts: Overall, I think Kozue is an interesting character. I especially have a soft spot for gangs and yakuza politics in the Naruto series, so good on that because it’s a perspective I hardly see. The only thing I would personally suggest is expand on some of his profile. Flesh out his childhood, hobbies, relationships, abilities and maybe even add some trivia. He’s good as he is now but he could be even MORE with a little bit more information on these various points. But that mainly depends on you as you may not even be finished creating him - or you just may not want to, which is also fine.

So, yeah, I really like Kozue and I thank you for your patience and for sending in your OC!

#naruto oc review #tagquest2017 #submission #mod atb

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emphoenixcat · 6 years

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Hi what about Patton telling Logan that he not only likes him, but the rest of the sides as well. The reason Pat tells him specifically is because he's the logical side, he should know what to do. U choose how you want it to play out from here 🐢 ( handing the phone to bunny Anon bc she has one too)

I don’t even know what I did. The beginning starts off real well, then it kind of spirals out of nowhere? I’m sorry! My first try at writing LAMP or any polyamorous relationship. I would really appreciate any thoughts you all might have on this word vomit.

Warnings: Like 2 curse words. Mention of food. Slight angst, but really weird angst. Idk. Let me know if I should add anything.

Patton walked into the kitchen that morning without the usual pep in his step. Logan glanced up from the table, where he had been reading a newspaper and drinking coffee (it was actually hot chocolate, but he preferred that the others didn’t know that).

Patton politely smiled at the sight of the logical side as he moved toward the stove to start breakfast.

Logan set down his news article, “Okay, Pat. What’s wrong?”

“Wrong? Why would something be wrong?” Patton asked innocently.

“You sighed several times while walking into the kitchen and you didn’t sing out any morning pleasantries. You normally do.” The logical side quirked an eyebrow and took a sip of his ‘coffee’. His demeanor like that of an all-knowing entity.

Patton simply shrugged, “Okay, well….”

“….you know how I have a crush on you, right?”

Logan began choking on his drink, his eyes turning slightly red as he wheezed.

“Come again?” he managed to gasp.

“I have a crush….on you. I thought that it was obvious.” Patton smirked, kind of enjoying the blush that was spreading from Logan’s cheeks to his ears.

Straightening his tie nervously, Logan gathered his wits. “I–I’ll admit that I was not aware of these feelings.”

“I can tell by your reaction,” Patton smiled slightly.

The moral one’s tone turned a bit more serious as he asked, “But do you like me that way?”

Flustered, Logan took another drink of coffee before answering. “I do believe that I….I’m….I think I….” he bit his lip and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“Yes,” he finally managed.

Patton smiled, but still looked a bit troubled.

“Did my reaction disappoint or upset you in any way?” Logan asked with worry.

“No, of course not! I just wondered….”

“What is it, Pat?”

“I just wondered if you might have a crush on the others.” His cheeks flushed scarlet.

Logan was beginning to understand, “Why come to me first? Why not ask the group as a collective if this concerns them as well?”

“Well….I’ve always been pretty comfortable with you and you are Logic. I thought that maybe….just maybe you’d have some sort of amazing plan on how to tell them.”

The logical side regarded Patton for a moment, who was gazing at Logan with a mixture of hope and admiration.

“Perhaps….”

Logan had formulated a strategy and was rather pleased with himself. He may not have noticed that Patton had had a crush on him or the others, but the logical side had noticed something blossoming between Roman and Virgil no matter how much they would try to deny it. He knew it was only a matter of time before their feelings came to light.

Roman came down for breakfast first and as he moved the chair to sit at his usual spot, Patton put down a plate of freshly-made, heart-shaped pancakes.

“Hearts? What’s the occasion?” Roman asked curiously.

“Oh, nothing! Just want you all to know how much I love you!” Patton exclaimed happily.

“Aw that’s sweet. I give you my most gracious gratitude.” Roman bowed dramatically before taking a seat.

That was part of Logan’s plan.

Step 1: Subliminal Messages.

Virgil came down next, yawning. His purple hair was an unruly mess and it seemed that he had passed out in his jeans and hoodie.

“Ah, Sleeping Broody. You finally decide to join us?” Roman quipped.

“Do not mess with me this early in the day unless you want pancake syrup in your hair, Princey.” Virgil glared.

The anxious side began to walk to his side of the table, but Logan interjected.

“May I sit in your spot today?

“Um, I guess. But why?”

“Well, I’d like to sit closer to Patton,” Logan glanced at the moral side.

Roman and Virgil were both staring at them, shock filled their faces as understanding hit them like a tide.

Virgil stood in place, still stunned, “Y–you’re….”

“You’re dating!” Roman exclaimed. “When were you going to tell us!”

“Relax, we only just confessed this morning,” Logan smirked and Patton beamed.

Step 2: Surprise Relationship.

“I want details! I thought you were an unfeeling tincan, but here you are. You’ve been playing me all this time, it isn’t fair!

“We’ll tell you everything in time, Ro. But let’s have our breakfast first,” Patton went to grab Virgil’s plate.

The anxious trait finally moved to sit down in the seat next to the prince.

“I am so jealous! I can’t believe that you, of all people, started a romantic relationship before me,” Roman fumed.

Step 3: Jealousy.

Patton came back to the table and set Virgil’s plate down in front of him. Virgil frowned.

Logan and Patton braced themselves. This was the hard part.

Anxiety’s pancakes were the only ones not shaped like a heart.

Rather than commenting on this, he began to cut them. The sudden silence of the kitchen causing Roman to glance over at Virgil sitting near him.

Virgil prayed that Princey would just keep his mouth shut.

Nope.

“Hey! Wait, hold on! Why aren’t his pancakes shaped like hearts?”

Patton answered uneasily, “Oh, I guess I must’ve….forgot”

Roman gripped the the edge of the table firmly. “That’s not fair! If you’re going to show love, at least show it to us equally! I thought you cared about people’s feelings, Pat!”

“Calm down, Princey. It’s okay. Really.” Virgil said almost whispering.

The prince directed his attention at Anxiety, “It isn’t okay, Virge. It isn’t okay because you matter too.”

And Virgil almost believed him. Almost.

It was taking all of Patton’s willpower not to cry. Not to hug Virgil and let out a never-ending string of apologies, but this was part of the plan.

Step 4: Show them that they’d fight for one another.

Patton hurriedly left the room because the worst had yet to come. Why had he let Logan talk him into this? The intentions were pure, but what if this broke them apart instead of bringing them together?

What if?

Logan gazed at Roman with a cold and practiced look. “Do you really think he matters? Is there any way to actually verify these feelings?

Roman stared at Logan in outrage. He glanced back at Virgil who was trembling, but trying desperately to hide it. Anxiety was holding back tears.

Virgil squeezed his eyes shut, his worst nightmares being confirmed.

But then….

….something warm brushed softly against his lips.

Astonished, Virgil opened his eyes to find Roman. The prince gave a small smile of reassurance, “Are you okay, Virge?”

Not trusting his own voice, tha anxious side could only nod in wonderment.

The prince gave Virgil another kiss, this one on the forehead. He stood up and focused a glare at Logan.

Logan smiled.

“I knew you two loved each other.”

Roman’s expression melted into confusion for the umpteenth time that morning.

“What?”

“It was quite obvious to Patton and I. We thought–”

“What?”

“I apologize for the distress, but it was necessary to–”

“Shut up, you–you….”

In his rage, Roman could not come up with a suitable insult for the logical side.

It was at this moment that Patton took a chance and walked into the kitchen, only to quickly regret it.

“And you! You let him! How could–how?”

Virgil continued to sit there, completely mystified. Roman was more furious than any of them had ever seen. Virgil’s mind kept offering him wild, perplexing thoughts. Thoughts that couldn’t possibly hold any truth. Yet, Roman was ranting and raving. An anger that was building beyond words and it was because of a minor injustice. An injustice that plagued him.

Why would Princey care?

Patton was crying now. Logan was looking stricken. The plan hadn’t exactly backfired, but it hadn’t exactly worked either.

“Uh, Pat?”

Patton swiped at his eyes, still sobbing. “Y–yeah?”

“I think you’d better tell them. I know this isn’t exactly how you wanted to, but I–I admit I made a grievous mistake. I do not know h–how to deal with feelings very well. I’m sorry. I’ve made a mess of things.”

Roman was throwing plates toward the sink, none of them were really hitting their target. The prince didn’t seem to care as they shattered and flew in every direction. Virgil was hiding in his hoodie, shuddering as glass cracked against the wall, fragments ricocheting around the kitchen.

“R–Ro? Can we talk? Please, I’m really sorry. I’m more sorry than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I was so stupid.”

Roman turned towards the moral side, breathing sharply. “How could you?”

Patton sobbed, “The truth is….I don’t just love Logan. I love you guys too. I just wanted to somehow get you and Virgil together first in order to m–make it easier.”

The creative side was struggling to calm himself, breathing in and out heavily. Virgil finally found the courage to move to help the prince despite his own inner turmoil.

“It’s okay, Princey. It’s fine. I’m fine. Slow it down. Breathe in for 4 seconds. Hold for 7. Now, let out for 8. That’s good. Very good.” Virgil soothed.

As he relaxed, Roman grabbed Virgil’s hand like a lifeline. Virgil blinked in surprise. Anxiety was keeping the prince calm? When was this morning ever going to make sense? Oh crap, was he still asleep? Virgil really hoped he hadn’t dreamt the whole thing, even if the situation had just about given him a heart attack.

After Roman was back to breathing normally, he faced Patton.

“What the actual fuck?”

Patton shuddered slightly at the profanity.

“Why couldn’t you just say that you loved us? Why this whole charade?”

Patton laughed suddenly, “I don’t know, but I sure as hell know that I am never taking Logan’s advice again. Not when it comes to feelings.”

Logan reddened at this remark, but straightened his glasses and collected himself. “Fair enough.”

And nobody really knew why, but it was funny.

Despite the weirdness and chaos of the morning or maybe because of it, they all began to giggle a bit hysterically.

It had been a rather stupid plan. It had been a rather stupid breakfast. It had been a rather stupid morning.

The Sides laughed.

In the middle of a destroyed kitchen full of broken glassware and a few fallen chairs.

They laughed.

All their faces streaked with tears.

They laughed.

With that laughter, their relationship with each other began to mend. Logan and Patton apologized to Virgil and Roman profusely. Roman made Logan wear a shirt labeled stupid for a few weeks, and Logan obliged without complaint because he knew. He knew that he had been wrong.

Roman forgave Logan and Patton though. He knew that not all ideas were good ideas. Oh, he knew.

Virgil was showered with gifts from the other Sides, even though he protested. He wouldn’t admit it, but the attention felt kind of nice.

Breakfast was a bit strange after that though. Walking into the kitchen made them all on edge. They ate meals on the couch together for awhile.

Even when they started to eat in the kitchen again….

pancakes were avoided.

#sander sides fanfic #LAMP story #polyamory #polyship #IDK #pancakes are evil apparently #weird angst #hilarious actually

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trashrightsactivist · 7 years

Text

recent private chat highlights, megasilverfist and ‘Ruby’ (trashrightsactivist)

(Note: This is for peoples' OOC reading pleasure, and cannot actually be seen by your character unless you are hacking tumblr to view peoples' private messages.)

Convo 1

megasilverfist

Hey, you might be making a post on this anyway, but any ideas on how I can keep people from lynching the local reds?

Preferably without making them even more angry with Voa, or totally trashing my career. Though given the life or death nature I'm willing to stick my neck out a little, and we're probably going to war anyway.

trashrightsactivist

I don't even know. I'm still like idek about this whole thing. I hope you have enough food you are psychologically able to eat.

gotta wonder if this wasn't somehow a scheme to get us all killed

megasilverfist

I'm good, Nadles is probably regretting the unlimited noodles clause in my contract.

I don't see how that adds but then again

its not paranoia when the world really is out to get you.

trashrightsactivist

yeah i know it wasn't really it just feels that way

gotta go out of the district and to work soon, dreading it

honstly the best thing i can think of might be to remind people it's a voa blue not their reds at fault, he's a country away and has bodyguards so they're less likely to be able to hurt him

and the war is probably inevitable already

megasilverfist

sigh yeah

trashrightsactivist

anyway I'm going to work.

megasilverfist

cool, try not to die

trashrightsactivist

that's the plan ;)

megasilverfist

and remember if multiple people are coming at you don't let them surround you.

I'd meant to hook you up with some videos on basic street defense but its a bit late now.

trashrightsactivist

thanks. I guess if anything goes down at work... idk, I will try to get behind a corpse and hope they're too squeamish to touch it, idk

we've swapped shifts around so as much as we can people who are pregnant or have kids are staying home

anyway can't risk being late. hopefully ttyl

Convo 2

megasilverfist

You probably already figured this out, but maybe don't trust the food people are throwing out.

https://purpleparenting.tumblr.com/post/163275109612/people-are-reluctant-to-leave-out-their-food-for

trashrightsactivist

[no response]

megasilverfist

[after signficant waiting]

I'm just going to assume you're busy. Right?

Yeah, thats it. I should probably go train anyway.

megasilverfist

Glad you aren't dead. Let me know if I can help.

Also, like this probably is to much to ask, and might seem a bit creepy, but can you walk me through what happened? I have a really strong interest in how street fights with untrained combatants play out.

trashrightsactivist

gonna go through what happened on blog but that won't have like. physical details of fight bit. i will go through those with you after post if you want but like. my memory of what occurred might not be 100%. concussion.

megasilverfist

Yeah, that happens, I'd give you some tips but you've (hopefully?) got some actual medical attention.

trashrightsactivist

yes. that I really don't remember, getting from fight to hospital.

nurse knows who brought me here but not how so I'mma try to track him down and ask

megasilverfist

right

Red hospital or normal one?

trashrightsactivist

red. we can't be patients in the other kind

but honestly being surrounded by only other reds rn is reassuring

megasilverfist

Thought so, but was hoping otherwise because there are some very new drugs for brain injury that I don't think yours have access to.

Try to get some Alkysine if you can.

trashrightsactivist

I'll ask. I know like, blunt force trauma is something this particular doc deals with a lot, so probly knows what he's doing

megasilverfist

Not doubting his skill just access to supplies that are a bit limited among cleans.

trashrightsactivist

fair. he said my brains not beat up too bad. no bleeding, minimal swelling.

megasilverfist

That is very good.

trashrightsactivist

few cracked ribs. coulda been a lot worse

megasilverfist

Yeah, will you be able to get someone to cover you work for you?

trashrightsactivist

yeah if they have to they'll share with the pathology techs at the hospital

(clean hospital. the guys who normally do 'why did you die of sick' exams will do 'why did you die of murder' exams)

but idek if they'll want me back at work, thats where the argument started

megasilverfist

Oh shit. Can you get another job?

trashrightsactivist

yeah there is always just pick up to fall back on and can probably learn how to do the medical rather than crime version of the thing i do

megasilverfist

Well thats good.

trashrightsactivist

but yeah like.. i will report what i see not what my boss wants to be there

megasilverfist

Is that (physically) safe?

trashrightsactivist

well no, as we found out.

megasilverfist

Oh sorry I thought you meant in your exit interview or whatever it is that you do when you leave an employer.

I'm not clear how that works.

I do stuff for money so I've got a job, but the way competitions work means I'm not technically an employee of anyone.

trashrightsactivist

so I'm employed by a company, not the police, they just have a contract with the company. so shouldn't have to do exit interview? but. if they have a grudge they can find me.

maybe when it's less crisis-y there won't be a grudge

they would never usually ask that sort of thing, they're good cops usually

megasilverfist

I think I see.

trashrightsactivist

but you want me to put on the report those injuries are not from a police-issue beating stick when they are... I reckon whichever cop it was must have just panicked, the guy did look a bit red in the right light

megasilverfist

Oh yeah, cleansticks are nasty. I really respect you for doing that.

trashrightsactivist

but it was stupid of me. I don't file the actual report, I just tell the guy who does what I see, he can cheerfully shred anything I say that he doesn't like

it was a futile gesture

megasilverfist

Oh maybe a little less respect, but you tried.

trashrightsactivist

i mean normally he wouldn't, you know

idk

everybody is not themselves now

megasilverfist

Right. Its relatively sane in my little bubble, because my gym is getting free nadles and I had enough money to help out my cousins (helps the grama buys instant stuff in bulk anyway). So we've just been heads down focusing on the fights. But everytime I get on this site its fucked.

trashrightsactivist

yeah I don't feel like I have the energy for any of it any more

its all just words

megasilverfist

I keep trying to help, but there just isn't much I can do. I'm not a big celebrity yet, and I'm now broke again even though I was planning on streching out my prize money so I can't donate. I'm tempted to go and try to punch anyone causing problems, but still have some common sense.

trashrightsactivist

yeah I don't have any suggestions any more

shitty as it was all i want is for things to go back to normal

megasilverfist

Wow, things really are bad if you think normal would be ok.

trashrightsactivist

yeah well

talk to me when it doesn't hurt to breathe, maybe I'll get my sass back

megasilverfist

Right. I'll let you heal then. Here's some of my fanfic if you need something to read http://archiveofourown.org/works/2809283/chapters/6304610 ((not by me ooc))

trashrightsactivist

thanks dude

megasilverfist

trashrightsactivist

[ruby will send you as good an account of how the fight went down as she can. It was her and a dude who works for the same company, but mostly at the hospital (who also helped her with this account of the fight), and they were jumped returning to their body transport vehicle. Two cops with extendable sticks. The other red was mostly able to keep out of it since they weren't really going for him, he was trying to get into his work bag for the closest thing he had to a weapon (a scalpel) but by the time he got it out it was over. The cops clearly didn't intend to kill her, just send a message - but at the same time, they can't have been overly concerned with *not* killing her, because they easily could have just by a blow landing a bit differently in a way they couldn't precisely control.

Ruby's only notable action was to try to crawl under the hearse in the hopes that they wouldn't be able to get to her, but since they were willing to lay hands on her they just dragged her out.]

megasilverfist

Thanks, that was helpful for me, hopefully you won't be attacked again especially by the police but he are some possibly helpful thoughts. The hearse move was a good idea, even if it didn't work. Playing dead might have been a good idea. Also using your hands to protect your head while exposing tempting but less fatal targets as sacrifices. Getting caned in the butt or similar hurts but you know enough anatomy to know you'd prefer it to your current state. Lastly, its probably best for your coworker that he was forced to stay out of it, but if he had gotten involved using the bag as a shield and /or to entangle the cleansticks (thats the actual name I didn't come up with it) would probably have been a good strategy. I'm not a cleanstick specialist, but knives are a bad match against them even when pre drawn, but they are *relatively* easy to screw up with tangle weapons and makeshift shields since they don't have a cutting edge or the weight of traditional staffs.

Almost forgot, I was assuming that the bag was heavy enough to hurt when swung but light enough that you can swing it pretty fast like 5-15 pounds.

trashrightsactivist

Thanks for the advice

I'd be concerned that any sort of fighting back might only make them angrier? Like they were risking a kill but probably not going for one, if we'd fought back..

megasilverfist

Yeah, thats what I meant by it being best that your coworker stayed out of it. I included my advice based on the best way to deal with actually fighting but really, like ok if I had been swapped with your coworker by magic AND been able to draw the scapble to dual wield AND you're not in Biyan then I probably could have won the fight. But thats some rather big ifs and doesn't get into what would happen afterwards.

trashrightsactivist

yeah I mean ultimately him staying out of it probably saved my life cause it meant he could drive me to the hospital

but I don't doubt it woulda gone differently with a martial arts expert instead of a nerdy autopsy tech

why would being in Biyan make a difference, do cops have different weapons there or something?

megasilverfist

Yeah, still effectively 2 v 1 with inferior weapons is not a great place.

trashrightsactivist

yeah I'm in no hurry to leave the district again in the current climate

megasilverfist

Biyan is just behind us here in Tapa when it comes to overall cleanstick fighting, and thats going by the performance of athletes and police department champions (as in representatives) in tournaments. I didn't realize this until recently, but my research suggests that they spend a lot more time training their normal non-specialist cops in it than almost anyone else.

trashrightsactivist

huh. Wonder if they anticipate more fights, or if they're trying to reduce the amount they resort to guns?

megasilverfist

Well I don't know much about them, but going off what I do know and the scenarios in this manual I found http://wiktenauer.com/wiki/Paradoxes_of_Defence_(George_Silver) I think they just really hate reds.

trashrightsactivist

oh, the depressing reason

your fanfic was good btw

megasilverfist

Yup:( Like obviously part of why cleansticks are used instead of other staffs is that they can be used on you guys, but their supposed to be general purpose weapons. And thats not what I'm seeing here as a highly trained martial artist with color vision.

Thanks.

So I mean obviously you can tell how many of those figures have red hair, but as a highly trained martial artist TM I can tell you the convention is normally to depict every combatant as a grey.

trashrightsactivist

well that would make sense given cultural norms and all

wonder what you lot would make of the bareknuckle one-on-ones that go down here sometimes

megasilverfist

I would be super super curious, and would love it if there was a way to get video without the obvious problems with that.

But like what rules (if any) are there.

And (how) do people train?

And what techniques do they use?

trashrightsactivist

they serve a vaguely similar purpose to duels in being part of the internal dispute resolution system? Similar to what I read about Erithani duels there's a lot of like, chances to back down and apologise worked into the system and their function seems to be more preventative

megasilverfist

That seems sensible, greys kinda do that, but less that we probably should.

trashrightsactivist

rules are simple, fists and a bit of grappling though grandads love to debate whether that was allowed int heir day, no kicking or gouging or whatever, and it's over when someone falls down or gives up

kids *practice* in the sense of, they scrap for fun, idk to what extent it constitutes training

it's not very formal and really the point is to be willing to fight to prove your point rather than neccessarily being good?

so it probably looks exceedingly sloppy to someone like you

megasilverfist

Probably, but there really is something to be said for raw courage.

No gouging and no kicks is a really good idea from a safety perspective, but having more grappling and less punching would probably be a smart move from that perspective.

Not that I expect ya'll to change your culture based on my advice.

trashrightsactivist

yeah I mean it's mostly a way to contain disputes among like 3.5-6 year olds so there's a socially accepted endpoint and no risk of harming the community fabric or attracting attention from outside the district

megasilverfist

And they are you from a showing your serious veiwpoint.

trashrightsactivist

yeah I don't think they'd accept alterations based on safety, cause it's about having the balls, as you said

but given that I have that Red Island separatist fantasy it does make me wonder how the justice system would turn out

'you may either fight the defendant, or have the judge explain this entire mess to your grandmother, how do you plead?'

megasilverfist

Lololol

My grama would say the mess is fine but why wouldn't you fight em?

trashrightsactivist

maybe you like your face :P

megasilverfist

Well I am dashingly handsome.

trashrightsactivist

I saw your promo pics online, can't disagree there

megasilverfist

Thanks, though the photographer did a lot.

Legally we can't photoshop them too much, but lighting, picking the best one ect can do a ton, and we can shop a little.

trashrightsactivist

if I were the type to do selfies, I would not be doing selfies for a good few weeks

megasilverfist

Yeah, I get that, though we're encouraged to to the occasional beat up shot as long as its framed properly.

trashrightsactivist

oh of course. but gotta be like, sexy injured not 'mishandled reject tomato' injured

megasilverfist

Yup, a mix of that and sometimes having to look bad to make the other guy look good for the good of the sport.

trashrightsactivist

you aren't suggesting any of it is staged are you?

megasilverfist

Just the photo shoots yes. The matches very no. In my main promotion that is. I keep meaning to right a post about this, but there are promotions that are explicitly registered as stunt based entertainment which are fixed to varying degrees.

One of them even has a "red" as one of the "heels".

trashrightsactivist

what.

liiink

actual *actors* tryna play reds is always tragihilarious, I can't imagine what that would be like

is his special move whacking you over the head with a garbage can

IS HIS CATCHPHRASE 'TIME TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH'

megasilverfist

Actually he's an undertaker, and makes horrible horrible death puns.

And fights with a piece of "sewage pipe" granted to him by his district elder.

But the overall thing is as corny as you're picturing it.

And frankly I like your idea better.

Not that I really approve, of making him the heel, but I guess you have to take what you can get.

trashrightsactivist

oh sure, well he was never gonna be anything else

megasilverfist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6CD7TUIS7c

trashrightsactivist

that shit is hilarious

megasilverfist

Ok, I should go soon, but three things first.

trashrightsactivist

megasilverfist

first if you need to get a hold of me outside tumblr in a fairly secure way use ((contact info)) unless you have a better suggestion you seem to know security.

The next two are two good thing to come from this mess. Well good from your prospective I guess.

trashrightsactivist

thanks. I don't think I have anything better rn but I'll check and let you know, otherwise that looks good.

megasilverfist

First, I am sick of this shit. I still believe in pollution, and I can't do much now, but stars like actual national champs get one controversial position. I was going to go after the fitness scams that basically everyone but blues fall for but...

yeah.

And lastly oh wait you already rebloged it so much for my climax, but still

[link to 3cool5u’s Allocator Savo fanfic]

trashrightsactivist

the second one though. What are you planning?

megasilverfist

I'll need to think of some details after I win, but ways to improve red lives without denying pollution exists.

trashrightsactivist

I'm grateful that you want to do something. I'll look round see if I got some suggestions for specific points. Most importantly, though - if it made sense to keep a lid on things for now before it probably still does

for now

#amenta rp #private chat logs

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sanguinesprout · 7 years

Text

Things and stuff... and things... and stuff... and things... .__. (some more thoughts and frustrations, talk about troubles and general feels)

Hmm.. I’ve put off writing again and forgotten things again... things lately have been... kind of bleh... melancholy and non-progressive. I’ve got the negative thinking hat on right now, I know. I wanna take it off though, it’s snug to the point my head hurts but it doesn’t seem to wanna budge yet so imma just roll with it a little while longer. Forgive me for my excessive and probably incorrect use of ellipses, it’s just really hard to find the words, I just smh to myself all the time whenever I try writing really.

Maybe I should make a twitter or something so I can briefly write my thoughts when I actually have them, I’ve thought about this quite a few times in the past. It seems kind of an effort though... my phone is busted and whipping out my pc whenever or writing on paper is kinda out of the question cause I’m much too cowardly and paranoid. I’ll save the thought for another time though (another time probably meaning never orz).

Everyday just feels... heavy and bleak. Like there’s rainclouds permanently hanging over my head even when it’s a sunny day and everyone outside is chirpy and happy. I’m so foggy and sickly feeling from the moment I wake to the moment I sleep. Everything’s so overwhelming, the thoughts, the senses, all in overdrive and concentration on anything is impossible. I can’t help but feel like don’t know what to do or what I’m even doing has a point and I’m spiralling into the sea of darkness again. I’m lost, so terribly lost, but I can see a small light in the distance. Although it’s far, if I keep going maybe I can still find my way back out. I won’t ever give up hope, even if I feel like there isn’t any at all a lot of the time. I just need to keep going..!

Hmm, okay, I've been tidying my room and pc some more lately. Came across my dyslexia reports (mentioned in one of my previous posts) which I’d been wanting to take another look at since it’s been years, so I did. I read through them both and the first thing I would have to say is that I’m an idiot. Not in the sense of anything related to the disorder or report itself or anything offensive, but in the fact that I disregarded and was negligent towards the diagnoses and advice. I don’t know why I’m so skeptical or maybe still in denial towards this, I think I’m still rather uniformed myself even though I have researched it quite a lot but keep forgetting or misinterpreting details. I feel unsure because like I said at other times, things relating to mental function overlap/can have multiple possible causes. It’s that ‘I don’t want to put all my eggs in one basket’ kind of feeling, if that makes sense. I don’t want things in general to become self fulfilling prophecies, because once my mind goes running, it really doesn’t want to come back.

Maybe because I’ve had these struggles all my life I just saw it as normal, as just how I am or something and so to casually dismiss it. Or maybe... it just feels like because maybe no one else around me took it seriously, that I then followed them and didn’t take it seriously either or was too scared to. Being told you’re lazy and slow and things like that all the time and finding out you have legitimate explanation or cause for these troubles, it should be a good sort of thing to know, act on and inform people of. But... instead I have the feeling that it sounds like just an excuse to everyone else, it’s just so easily misinterpreted and kind of difficult to comprehend, explain or believe I guess, idk... :<

The first report from college said I had mild dyslexia and the second more detailed report from uni said I had Dyslexia, ADD (is it called Inattentive ADHD nowadays?) and Irlen syndrome (will maybe write about another time). The Dyslexia mentioned in both was mostly relating to my processing and memory being meh I think. Even though I read them the other day I can’t remember the contents properly, lovely .__. ADD is actually a lot more than I thought it was... I googled it again recently and a lot of the symptoms are similar or overlap with those of AVPD and other things. I want to find an article to link it (though it’s not really necessary) or re-read the report again but even now my head hurts so bad and I just wanna go flop on the bed. I’m really struggling, the mental effort is so strenuous with everything little I do. Even the simplest things wear me out so much that I’m just getting so frustrated and exhausted over and over again.

Some advice was to go to the doctor for medication to help with the ADD (which I obviously didn’t do). I’m wondering if I should try now, even though it’s been pretty long since the report was written, even though my parents will probably just shun the idea, even though I’m scared of side effects... If it helps, if it makes a difference, it could even be a life changer maybe, or even if it doesn’t help, I’ll never know unless I try... it’s tough... I need to research it some more.

I really badly want to get this post done because thinking about it for so many days (like every other post) has left me with so much anguish, but it’s so hard to formulate the words to express what I really want to say. I feel like I’ve set too much of a structure with my other posts and the general flow of the blog. Also like I’ve set up a certain standard for myself that I feel pressured to try and match every time. I’m just such a ridiculously troublesome and self sabotaging person ughhhh! No no, stop being so negative...! ><

I think I will keep it brief this time and re-visit and elaborate when I can think more clearly next time. Don’t be so hard on yourself, silly... Maybe I should just bullet point my thoughts and stuff so I’ll stop worrying about the structure and grammar and whatever, but I guess it might make less sense then... but when have my posts ever made sense lol... One of the things in one of my dyslexia reports said my writing sample was good but I played it safe with the topic and vocabulary and my paragraphing sucked hahaha. But with more practice, there is improvement. I mean my paragraphing is probably still pretty weird, and my punctuation, I do remember having trouble with it when I was little, but I think I have improved in the general writing department, I’m kind of proud-ish, yay!

Moving on from that subject, I’ve been feeling pretty sad and worried about my family... or well my parents in particular. It’s like... I know I have a very poor quality of life because of health and lack of social stuff, but so do my parents and they never speak about this (no surprise here), but I know about it and I really want to help but when I do they just brush it off or get annoyed... :/ They sacrifice so much of their health for work, and they work so I can live and leech off them pretty much :<

Ugh I’m too brain foggy and distracted... I need a break... :c ...Hmm okay, distracted myself for a bit, nao back to writing something... or not....

*A few days later* welp, uhh... still very groggy and very neck muscle/jaw tension wow. Per usual I forgot what I wanted to say even more lol. I don’t like writing negative/personal stuff about my parents, feels bad man x 10000 .__. I don’t like writing any of this stuff at all, but I can’t give up! Or well, I won’t give up! c: I went back and edited/added to the stuff I wrote, good! Now to continue!

Hmm... in relation my parents having not much concern over their well-being(?) uhh, let’s take the other day for example. I was just saying to my dad that he shouldn’t use expired stuff or things for purposes they’re not designed for or overwork and he got annoyed instantly as usual. I was saying it because I care for him and am worried about his health but I was finding it really hard to express this because of the language barrier. I still tried my best though and after quite a while remembered a certain phrase which is something like wishing or wanting someone to be healthy/have a healthy body. I remembered it because I just heard it a lot the past year and recently (probably a few months ago now) my dad’s bro phoned and said it to me and my dad. He actually wasn’t annoyed anymore after that, maybe because he caught on to what my intentions were or maybe just because he saw me looking upset idk (I got a bit teary but tried to keep looking down and stuff).

Something I also remember and have been wanting to mention, is that my uncle also said to me that same time while my dad was there (he was holding the phone on loudspeaker), that if there is anything troubling me, I shouldn’t hold it all in (my heart) because it’s no good for my health and should speak about it with my parents and stuff (...um maybe this would be possible in an alternate world, but it seems unlikely to work or happen here .__.). My dad’s bro is such a wonderful person and I’m really so thankful and glad my dad has been able to keep in contact with him lately, and to actually see him happy and stuff. I just wish I could’ve talked to him better myself but I froze up cause language barrier and avpd life ugh. That reminds me of another thing, I have relatives but they are all like strangers to me and there’s the language barrier again and it’s just hella awkward... it sucks :c

I need to stop being such a weenie about everything. No, I say stop too much. I should cease and desist from being such a weenie. Hm... I need to cease and desist from putting myself down and beating my self up, unless it’s beating myself up with only positivity, if that is even possible. Haha that’s a thought... replacing the negative stuff with positive but keeping it in the same attacking tone of voice, it’s pretty amusing. Reminds me of those rap battles I saw on the internets which have complimenting instead of dissing lmao. The more sensical phrase would be to lift yourself up with positivity. Imma make sure to do this instead, lift myself up off my sad butt and get moving. Do you even lift bruh?Lololol :3

I’ve been kinda avoiding going out a bit more lately, I’m so self-conscious and it’s just been getting worse and worser, especially since I’m exposing myself to all these seemingly perfect people on places like Instagram. I can’t help but compare and feel inferior and just ugh. All these people I see are not afraid to like what they like or do and say what they want without feeling ashamed. I aspire to be like them, truly. Seeing that they like things I also like (that I feel stupidly ashamed of and just hide), think and say things similar or exactly on the point of what I would like to (but can never muster the courage to) and are still appreciated and liked is kind of eye opening and reassuring. It gives me hope that if I just really be myself someday, then it’ll actually be okay.

There’s a lot of stuff I wanted to write but kinda just slipped my mind as I focused on other bits, but this post is pretty darn long enough already anyways and my eyes and head are hurting. I guess it’s a good time to end the post and catch some Z’s. I’ll give myself a pat on my (sore aching granneh) back for managing to write even though I felt like I really couldn’t (and wanted to avoid doing so more) and to write out some things I thought I wouldn’t. I did it and I want to continue to get better at expressing and understanding myself! Go go silly me! ^^

Good night~!

#feelings #avpd #add #depression #mental health #dyslexia #family #the whole post is just this .__.#and rambling #mopey mopeness #idk #don't be so hard on yourself #don't push yourself down with negativity #lift yourself up with positivity #get back on your feet and kick ass #you can do it!

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