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#i feel like i know things no one else does i go to these places and dont see americans looking at it
steddieas-shegoes · 2 days
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From @plasticcrotches. Thank you!
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It shouldn’t have mattered. It shouldn’t have affected him like this.
But the lights going out unexpectedly after flickering for nearly a full minute sent him into a dark spiral.
He could vaguely hear the kids talking, probably coming up with a plan to get out.
Robin’s safe, at least. She’s with her parents out of state. She’ll never have to go through this again if Steve can help it.
He should listen to the plan, figure out how he can use his body to protect the kids, get them all out of here.
“Steve?”
Steve turned to see Eddie frowning at him, coming closer.
“We’ve gotta get you out of here,” Steve stood, looking around for a weapon, any weapon.
It was too dark.
“Stevie, it’s okay.” Eddie’s hand gripped his arm, warm when everything else felt so cold. “Just sit down. Lucas and Dustin already went to check.”
“Alone?!” Steve tried to pull away, but Eddie’s grip tightened.
“They’re alright. We’re safe.”
“No we aren’t! What if something’s out there?” Steve finally pulled his arm loose, looking back at Eddie. His eyes were adjusting in the dark and he could see the concern on his face.
“Steve, where do you think you are?” Eddie asked, stepping in closer, hand gently cupping his cheek.
Steve looked around. It was difficult to see much, but he could see the shapes of the kids sprawled across a couch. His couch. In his living room.
His body relaxed slightly as he recognized more of his house around him. Not the Upside Down version, the real one.
“Sorry,” he said as Eddie leaned in closer, his forehead almost touching Steve’s.
“Why are you sorry?”
Eddie’s breath was warm against his face, sending a shiver down Steve’s back.
“Feel stupid. Thought we were back there for a minute,” Steve whispered. He didn’t want the kids overhearing. They had enough to worry about.
“Does that happen a lot?”
“No,” Steve could only think of one other time and Robin had been there to bring him back. “I’m okay. I should go check on Lucas and Dustin. They’ll probably break something.”
“Wait,” Eddie’s other hand gripped Steve’s hip. “We’re okay, Stevie. I’m safe because you got me safe. You protected me then and I know you would if you had to again. You know that, right?”
Steve felt his heart stop momentarily in his chest. Eddie usually kept a distance between them, maybe scared to get close to Steve after everything. Steve had sat by his side in the hospital every day until he woke up and Wayne could be brought in to see him.
But since then, they’d become friends. Just…they didn’t get physically close. Steve didn’t know why.
He wanted to touch Eddie, wanted to lean his head on his shoulder during movies or rub his back when he decided to stand in the kitchen and watch the kids take over Hellfire.
He wanted to play with his hair and kiss him.
He wanted.
But he couldn’t.
“I wish I could’ve protected you better,” Steve admitted, voice breaking. “I should’ve been with you.”
“You can’t be in two places at once. I did a stupid, unpredictable thing. It’s not your fault.”
“But I could’ve stopped you,” Steve argued.
He could see the kids leaving the room out of the corner of his eye, probably going to check on what Dustin and Lucas were doing.
“I wouldn’t have let you,” Eddie argued back. “I can be just as stubborn as you.”
Eddie was still touching his hip and his face.
His eyes were wide as he searched Steve’s.
“It’s over, right?” Steve asked.
“It’s over,” Eddie reassured.
“We’re safe.”
“We are safe.”
Steve should do it, he should kiss him. They’re alone and Eddie’s giving signals that he’s never given before. Or maybe he has and Steve just didn’t realize it.
Actually, he definitely has.
Steve leaned in the few inches he needed to brush his lips against Eddie’s.
He expected Eddie to pull away quickly, to stop touching him.
Instead, he let his hand drift to the back of Steve’s head and pull him in closer, nipping at his bottom lip playfully before kissing him harder.
Steve let out an embarrassing noise as he reached up to grip Eddie’s hips, stabilizing himself as Eddie groaned into his mouth.
“It’s not dark enough for us to not see you, ya know,” Mike snarked from the doorway.
Steve pulled away, ready to come up with an excuse, but Eddie wrapped his arm around him and pulled him into his side.
“Shut up, Mike. You can handle two people kissing.”
“Not when it’s you two.”
“Oh, are you homophobic?” Eddie smirked, already knowing that wasn’t the problem.
“No! You know I’m not!” Mike was flustered now, clearly looking for a reason to leave. “Just- just go somewhere else!”
Steve rolled his eyes. “This is my house, dude.”
The lights came back on and Steve fully relaxed against Eddie.
Eddie must’ve noticed, kissing the top of his head before all the kids rushed back into the room.
No one else seemed to notice the position they were in, but that was fine.
Steve didn’t wanna hide, and it seemed like Eddie didn’t either. If the kids did notice, they’d be fine.
As long as Eddie was there, he’d be fine.
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Charlie: "You know what your traumatic backstory calls for?"
Vaggie: "Hugs?"
Charlie: "THERAPY!"
Vaggie: "Charlie, I don't need-"
Charlie: "Oh YOU don't need therapy? Really? Really."
Vaggie: "..... I'm perfectly functional. Also, it's my trauma."
Charlie: "And is this OUR loving relationship?"
Vaggie: "Of course it-"
Charlie: "The one I'm planning on spending the rest of my life in? Trauma included?"
Vaggie: "I- if, if you want to-?"
Charlie: "Just like how YOU'VE spent three years helping ME with the whole 'wow my family fell apart soooo fast let me cope by latching onto the dream of my disappeared mom while pretending it's totally fine I somehow feel even MORE distant from my dad who lives only a ten minute walk across town' thing? Making 'help charlie!' into your whole Reason for Being?!"
Vaggie: "Hold on, I wasn't in the best headspace when that slipped out-"
Charlie: "OBJECTION! Clear admission of truth!"
Vaggie: "-fuck."
Charlie: "And did you let me be there for you then, when your head was in a bad place? Or did you pull a 'I want to be alone' card?"
Vaggie: "I just needed- I didn't want to say anything else stupid."
Charlie: "Oh so you didn't wanna be dramatic about it, huh?"
Vaggie: "Yes- NO!"
Charlie: "Like how I can be dramatic?"
Vaggie: "It's not the same-"
Charlie: "Do YOU like being there for ME when I'M in a really bad no good and sad headspace?"
Vaggie: "You know I do."
Charlie: "Even when I go sit in a corner my own because I still can't believe there's someone in my life who'll want to come looking for me- who I don't need to apologize for being sad or 'dramatic' around- and who says she's HAPPY to be worrying about me?"
Vaggie: "Sweetie I am happy to worry about you."
Charlie: "Ah-HA! But I don't get to do that for you! YOU want me to be sad around YOU-"
Charlie: "Wait that sounds weird, uhh- oh whatever-"
Charlie: "Point is, I don't get to see YOU being sad around ME! And no, anger don't count! You like being grumpy! Grumpy is active! It feels productive and that's why you hate feeling SAD!"
Vaggie: "You just said you hide it from me too. Even after three years of being together."
Charlie: "Oh no really? Does that bother you???"
Vaggie: "It worries me!"
Charlie: "Okay then!!! EXACTLY! We both need therapy."
Vaggie: "...."
Vaggie: "That's fair."
Charlie: (preening) "Thank you."
Vaggie: “How the fuck did you not win that case up in Heaven.”
Charlie: "Angels are jerks and their minds are hard to change. Not my angel though. Mine is great~"
Vaggie: "Hold that thought until after I've asked this one question, sweetie."
Charlie: "Ask away!"
Vaggie: "How do we do therapy."
Charlie: "....."
Charlie: "H-"
Vaggie: "Without using Husk and alcohol. We are not paying him enough to deal with my angelic shit."
Charlie: "We could give him a raise- how much do you think-?"
Vaggie: "Not even if we gave him the hotel, babe."
Charlie: "Oh."
Vaggie: "So. What does sober therapy look like?"
Charlie: "Hmm....."
Charlie: "......."
Charlie: "Next question."
Vaggie: "Do you wanna just start off with a hug."
Charlie: "I want to pat myself on the back for having such a smart, supportive girlfriend- but you'll have do to it for me instead. While we hug."
-phone call time-
Carmilla: "You have five seconds before I hang up. Talk.
Charlie: "Carmilla, hi!!! It's about Vaggie-"
Carmilla: "No."
Charlie: "Oh ok! I just thought-"
Carmilla: "No."
Charlie: "-you seemed to really care about her, and maybe see a bit of yourself in her, maaaaybe you'd have some tips on-"
Carmilla: "No. Take her to Rosie's. Go with her and STAY with her."
Charlie: "Rosie- OF COURSE Rosie's! Right! I will!!"
Carmilla: "Don't take it personally when she tries to escape."
Charlie: "When she whats?
Carmilla: "The brooding silently in a chair and refusing to talk will also pass. Give her space. But don't leave her."
Charlie: "No no I won't, but why would she try esc-"
Charlie: "Oh Vaggie! No, I'm just on the phone with Carmilla-"
Vaggie: "WHAT."
Charlie: "-we're talking therapy ideas for you! And-"
Vaggie: (muffled swearing)
Charlie: "-she says Rosie's might be a good idea! You know, like how Alastor took there so I could talk everything out with someone finally, well I guess and also to get a cannibal army, but Rosie helping me with the you issue by laying my heart bare to her was the main good thing from all that, so-"
Charlie: "-VAGGIE GET BACK HERE!"
Carmilla: "Condolences on her having wings again. Good luck"
Carmilla: (hangs up to the sound of frantic flapping and yelling)
Zestial: "...."
Zestial: "...toss'ed to the very wolves... truly, that was wretched of thee."
Carmilla: "I owe them nothing."
Zestial: "And what of thyself?"
Carmilla: "Why, were my disinterested actions of a moment ago not self-serving enough for you?"
Zestial: "Thou art denying much in thine distance from her."
Carmilla: "I already have two daughters-"
Zestial: "As thou sayst."
Carmilla: "You are not my therapist, Zestial."
Zestial: "Nay- would that thou should'st yet find one, old friend."
Carmilla: "Be quiet."
Zestial: "Shan't~"
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Lonely Together ║ ⓞⓝⓔ๏ⓞⓕⓕⓢ
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LONELY TOGETHER | PAIRING(s): Joel Miller x fem!reader
| RATING: explicit material | 18+ | WORD COUNT:  1.8k | CONTENT: disgusting brainrot from the Jackson era Joel pic being released, unhinged delulu take on him being sad and lonely and fixing it with sex as a coping mechanism, just general filth idk what to tell you, he's got a mouth on him, degradation kink?, use of derogatory terms but in a sexy way, my result of "sad horny" on the what kind of horny are you? quiz making a lot of sense in this fic
| SYNOPSIS: Joel is lonely. You're lonely. You decide to be lonely together.
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It had started out naturally. Joel Miller’s house was remarkably quiet these days, some fracture in his relationship with his step-daughter Ellie being the catalyst for her departure, and he walked around most of the time looking like a kicked puppy. You were no better and with much less of a valid reason to be such a sad sack. You shared one thing in common above all else: loneliness. You’d both honed in on it, recognizing it in another person but not really knowing what to do with it for yourself let alone somebody else.
That is, until, the root of the loneliness made itself clear. You were desperate to be wanted, and Joel was desperate to be needed. A symbiotic give and take that restored some sense of equilibrium to the world when you gave into the urges and gave into each other.
And maybe you wouldn’t normally be so whiny and so pathetic. Maybe Joel wouldn’t normally speak so harshly and demanding. But you drew it out of each other, a safe place to be the worst versions of yourselves and chase what the mind and body needed to make things feel better if just for a little while.
There was no shame in how you meshed together. No second thoughts or chastisement for any notion of your ego being left completely checked and abandoned at the door or his flying off at the mouth with some manic call to ownership. It’s part of what made this dynamic work so well.
You refused to let yourself feel guilt or embarrassment over how he made you feel and act, and he didn’t kick himself for this rough, insistent version of himself that you brought out. It’s what led to a nearly constant need for each other, saying and being things that never left the walls of his home where you normally met up and often stayed the night.
“I know you’re not muffling those pretty little sounds,” he grunts and jerks your head up from where it’d been buried in the pillows as he slammed into you from behind. “Those are my sounds. They belong to me, and I wanna hear ‘em.”
You choke out some pathetic moan and let him puppet your head with his hand clutched around a fistful of your hair. The impact of his drives intensifies as he seeks out more of his sounds. Between the air being punched from your lungs and the mouth of your cervix being punched by his cockhead, you aren’t entirely sure what sounds you’re making, let alone if they’re enough to feed his demand for them.
“Yeah, there you go,” he husks and grips his free hand around the crease of your thigh to pull you closer to him. 
There were times when he was particularly possessive and desperate, and your body subconsciously pulled away from the intensity of his focus, only to have him drag you back even closer to his whims. You always let him. He never gave you more than you could take, and, when he did, it always ended up being just a touch further than what you understood you could manage. He was always forcing you to learn about yourself like that. You resented and pursued it all the same.
“You know better than to make me chase this sweet little cunt,” he snaps. 
You mewl out some kind of apology, but you both know this is just another part of the dynamic that feeds you both.
He pushes your shoulders down into the mattress, head sideways so he can still hear what he does to you, and jerks your hips back. You’re practically limp as a ragdoll, having gone at this now for the better half of an hour, growing exhausted from being taken to the edge so many times just to have him draw back at the last minute.
He pounds into you, and the wet smack of your smeared arousal sounds with each snap of his hip against you. Your slick is everywhere –  your pussy drooling and begging and crying for release – a sort of debauched canvas he’s made out of you in all the ways he’s bent you and folded you and angled you for his liking. He locks your wrists behind the small of your back and uses the leverage to somehow pound impossibly harder.
You feel like you’re about to push through the mattress in a few thrusts if he keeps up this pace, a mind boggling stamina for someone in his 50s. It felt like at times his need to be needed outweighed your need to feel wanted, but you would never complain about the frenzied fervor it invoked in him.
Just as you’ve accepted your fate of being plowed through the mattress, he’s yanking you flush against his chest and driving you down onto his cock. Your hands fly for an anchoring point, and Joel obliges by wrapping an arm under yours and crossing it against your chest and neck until he’s cradling your throat in his palm. Your hands claw onto his forearm like a port in a storm, and you hold on for dear life.
He grips your throat, just enough for you to respond how he wants: a tiny shiver and a throaty moan.
“Yeah, that’s right,” he grunts. He’s slamming you down onto his cock now, almost deranged in how he seeks out any and every way to make you come completely undone. “My little fuckhole. Say it.”
“I’m–I’m your little fuckhole,” you choke out around the squeeze of his hand.
“You better mean it, baby. Any hole is mine, ain’t that right?”
As if to prove his point, he slips his thumb into the rim of your ass with ease, all the smeared lubrication of your unfulfilled orgasms making a slippery entrance for him to finger. You gasp and clench around him, around his thumb and his cock, all excitement and nerves and anticipation for where he would take this.
You cry out when he plunges his thumb deeper, maybe a reminder that you hadn’t answered him, and you were expected to always answer him.
“Anything! All of them!” you yelp. The sting of his thumb now steadily pumping in and out of you made you feel all the more dizzy and keen for release.
Apparently pleased with your corroboration, he slips his thumb out and grips onto your hip once more to resume his devastating drives. He presses your head back against his shoulder until your ear is next to his breathy mouth.
“Bet you’d let me wreck you there, too, wouldn’t you? Rip you open on my cock ‘til you were gashed and gaped, huh?” He sounds unhinged and so close to spilling inside you that you can’t help but moan and clench.
He breathes a laugh, all he can manage at this pace, and bites onto your earlobe before letting whatever crazed thought that passes through his pussydrunk brain spill from his lips. “Would wreck that hole, baby. Would have you sent up to the clinic just to see what they could do for it. Tryna hide your face all embarrassed when you gotta tell ‘em it’s all wrecked like that because you’re such a nasty fuckin’ whore for my fat cock. Let me use whatever hole I want just because I can, ain’t that right?”
You don’t question why his frenzied promise of fucking your ass so hard you’d need to go to the clinic makes your orgasm come blazing from out of nowhere up the back of your spine. He’s not far behind, a few more thrusts before he’s groaning and filling you with more wet and slip. You collapse together onto the bed and lay limp and panting for what seems like forever as he softens inside you.
You come back to earth when Joel gently nudges you and nuzzles your neck and ear. “You okay?”
It always struck something strange in your chest when he got tender like that, sounding genuinely worried he’d gone too far or been too rough. But, just like always, it was exactly what you needed. What you both needed.
“I’m okay. Felt so good,” you tell him in earnest. He pulls you closer to him and drinks in your praise. He needed this as much as he needed to bury himself inside of you. “Always make me feel so good, Joel.”
He hums a little gravelly acknowledgement and presses a line of soft kisses to your neck. You smile and wiggle your head for him to kiss more of you. It felt unreal in these moments afterward, each time building something strangely sacred and dangerously close to attachment. To companionship. To raw, genuine feelings. To love.
But that hadn’t ever been the point of this, and it felt terrifying to acknowledge. It was easy to say you came to him because he made you feel wanted. It was easy to say he broke you down and built you back up because you gave him that control.
It was decidedly complicated to say you maybe had found more in each other than intended, and neither of you needed complicated. So you deflect. You change the subject. You skirt around the elephant in the room.
“So,” you start and turn over to face him. He hisses as his softening cock slides out of you. You feel his cum dribble out of your cunt, and you want so badly to press your hand down there to keep every bit of him inside you longer.  
He props himself up on his elbow to focus his attention on whatever it is you’re about to say, his fingertip drawing idle lines across your jaw and lips.
“You wanna fuck my ass for the first time, and I’m gonna get reamed so bad I’m gonna need to seek medical attention?” you tease.
He laughs a little at your delivery and at himself for getting so unhinged that he’d babbled about it in the first place. “Nah, baby, just got caught up in the moment. Would never wanna wreck it that bad ‘cause then I wouldn’t be able to fuck it again.”
You snort and grab at his chin. “Wow, not because I would have a wrecked asshole for the rest of my life? You just want it intact enough to fuck as many times as you want?”
He shoots you a lopsided grin that makes your stomach flip. “Ain’t that the point of all this? Me fuckin’ you how I want? You gettin’ what you need?”
It sounds false on his lips to the point that even he makes a microexpression of acknowledgement that it might’ve started that way but had morphed into something more – something complicated. But, at least for today, you were going to keep it easy.
“Yeah, I guess so,” you agree with an impish smile. You drag Joel down into a sloppy, lazy kiss.
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TWST Cast Mid-Effort Snacks They Make
Listen I'm no wizard in the kitchen but I think I can make some half decent snacks. That being said, this post is long, does not have accurate measurements for half of it, bc why the hell would I actually write stuff down I Totally Don't Forget Things All The Time.
Also like. mid-effort snacks. You know, you're not just Opening a bag of chips but you are going to need. At least a microwave. (also, using minimal dishes possible nobody wants to clean up). This is all stuff I've made or at least eaten, myself, lmk if you try it or if I missed a vital detail LMAO
ANYWAYS if this post is popular enough I'll share some like. Actual recipes as well, the Culinary Crucible thingy finally came in and I feel INSPIRED, some of these have little uhh like 'justification' or story behind them some don't bc I feel like it's obvious. GTAT refers to the section at the end, I got tired of writing it out over and over again sldkjhklsjdf ---------------------------------------------------
Heartslaybul
Riddle - (Dark) Chocolate Strawberry Bark
Materials and Ingredients: - Parchment paper - Cutting board/cookie tray - Microwave-safe bowl - Knife - Strawberries (it's okay if they're overripe, as long as you can still cut them safely) - (Dark) Chocolate chips or Nutella, your choice - Peanut butter - Sweetened condensed milk (scm) - Plastic container - Freezer
Instructions:
Cut your parchment paper to about the size of a cookie sheet, but really it depends on how many strawberries you're using (I do not remember how many I used, I think it was like 8, you do not need many, especially if you cut them really thin) and put on top of cutting board/cookie sheet. A flexible cutting board is best, but it's whatever fits in your freezer.
Destem your strawberries and slice them thinly while they're standing upright. Like the part you destemmed is against the parchment paper. (or cutting board but y'know. Why Dirty It). Place them laying down on the parchment paper as close to each other as possible. I found like. Fitting the triangle shapes together like teeth was the easiest way but something else might work better for you. Dice one or two strawberries and set aside.
In a bowl, measure out about a cup of chocolate. If it seems like too much, you can just. eat it ig or dip leftover strawberries into it like I did. If it's not enough, babe just add more it's okay lmao. If you're using chocolate chips, add some sort of fat before you microwave (any oil, lard/Crisco, butter, margarine, etc.) in fifteen second intervals. (if you don't have a microwave, there are instructions under 'General tips and tricks' to hopefully help!). If you're using Nutella, just pop that bad boy in there for fifteen second intervals. In both cases, mix in between intervals until it's kind of runny.
Pour chocolate evenly over the strawberries, at least enough to cover them completely from the top/fill any gaps that are present. Wash the bowl, and repeat the process with peanut butter.
This is optional I really like chocolate and think it's more aesthetically pleasing than peanut butter, but peanut butter doesn't harden as well as chocolate does to bind the strawberry layer together so I couldn't put it first. I did another layer of chocolate on top, but it was thinner than the original one.
Sprinkle diced strawberries on top, and drizzle SCM to your hearts content. (Any leftover SCM needs to be put into a separate container and can stay in your fridge for up to 3 weeks).
Freeze it. It's just faster this way and helps the peanut butter out. I left mine in there for a day, but I think it's okay after like an hour, idk, you decide.
Snap/cut your bark into smaller pieces, use the parchment paper to help line whatever container you're going to use and store your treat in there. I enjoyed these treats best frozen or on top of vanilla ice cream, but they do need to be kept at least refrigerated. Fair warning, if you're a slow eater, these will get messy if you wait too long slkdjfhlkjsdfsdf recommend you eat with a fork.
THE REST ARE UNDER THE CUT WOOT WOOT (Riddle's is easily one of the higher effort ones, so do not be dismayed! There are some on this list with only 2 ingredients, I just talk a lot LMAO)
Trey - Tanghulu No baking required, still satisfies his sweet tooth.
Materials and Ingredients: - Stove (someone said you can use a microwave, IIIIII don't Like That for this, but I'm sure you can) - Fruit (doesn't really matter what kind. I used kiwis, strawberries, and grapefruit.) - White sugar - Water - Bowl of ice water - Fork (skewers are better but I didn't have any, and toothpicks...don't fw toothpicks for this okay??) - Parchment paper\Plate (you just need to make sure it's hardened BEFORE you put the fruit on it kdfjhsfjkd)
Instructions:
Ensure your fruit is washed/dried, peeled or otherwise "ready to eat" before starting
Use a 2:1 sugar to water ratio and put it in a pot. (So 2 cups of sugar to 1 cup of water, or a more likely amount you'll actually use up is 1 cup of sugar to 1/2 cup of water)
Heat on medium and watch closely, it's not suggested you mix it, I did, just by swirling the pot to make sure all the sugar was in the water, but then I left it alone. You'll see it starting to change colour to yellow-y rather than clear. Use a spoon/fork to dip into the sugar mixture and then immediately into the bowl of ice water. If it appears stringy or is still soft and sticky to touch, it's not ready yet. Keep boiling until your test drop solidifies on contact/within seconds of being in the ice water.
Turn the heat down slightly and use your fork or skewer to poke your fruit, and dip carefully into sugar mixture. Immediately, (but carefully) place your sugar covered fruit into the ice bowl. Once you take it out, it should only take a moment to harden before you place it on a plate/parchment paper.
Intended to be eaten immediately, does not store very well. Check 'general tips and tricks' for how to clean the pot/fork
Cater - Spicy Garlic Cheese Bread
Materials and Ingredients: - French Bread (works the best, but you can use whatever bread you have on hand) or premade garlic bread - Butter/Margarine - Salad herbs (like the premade mix or whatever, other seasonings optional) - (Shredded) Cheese - Jalapenos - Other toppings + hot sauce (optional) - Bowl - Spoon - Microwave - Oven
Instructions:
If using premade garlic bread, skip to step 3. Otherwise, get your bowl and chunk of butter (if using french bread, I would say about a half cup) and pop it in the microwave just long enough to get it soft, but not melted. Measure salad herbs with your heart and mix with a spoon.
Cut your bread in half and slather that son of a bitch in butter, having worked in a bakery I know that premade garlic bread literally gets a Handful of "butter" (it's margarine) that just gets. Slathered onto half of a day-old French bread loaf. (Safeway. Looking at you.) If you want to try putting on some BBQ sauce or tomato sauce now would be your time to add it. If you are adding sauce, a little less butter is recommended otherwise it will get Soggy
Put on as much cheese as you want. Whatever cheese you want. I'm not the boss of you.
Throw on jalapenos and any other toppings you want. (red onions, bell peppers, make it a meal with some chicken or something idk)
Broil on high until It Looks Right, as in the cheese is melted and golden brown in some areas (assuming it's marble cheese), or wrap in aluminum foil (risky with The Cheese) and bake at 350 F for like 10 minutes (I still recommend baking over broiling but it's your choice bestie)
Drizzle with hot sauce if you want/any other condiments.
French bread is pretty big, so cut into smaller pieces and share with friends/family/your neighbour/ whatever or full send it or you can try to store it, I think once it's cooled, a plastic bag would be the best bet for storage, and only for a day or two before your bread gets Sad.
Deuce - Ants on a Log He used to love it when his mom would send him to school with these.
Materials and Ingredients: - Cutting board (unless you would like to be a heathen like me) - Knife - Celery - Peanut butter - Raisins/Chocolate chips/Cereal/whatever you want
Instructions:
Decide if you even want to bother cutting your celery, you can leave it whole if you really want.
If you want to cut your celery, cut it according to taste or break that motherfucker with your bare hands just to hear it snap and get that little bit of Emotion and satisfaction out of it. Not recommended if you want bite sized pieces. Generally only cut in a way that keeps the 'sides' of the celery in tact, like you should have a little 'dip' to put peanut butter in, but its ok if its not comfortable to eat it that way and you need to cut it vertically as well, nbd, BUT DON'T CUT IT THAT WAY YET it's so much harder to get the peanut butter on.
Use a butter knife to add peanut butter to your celery. It should fill the little valley in between the sides of the stalk. **Now would be the time to cut again if you want Planks if you know what I mean
Add your toppings, be it raisins, chocolate chips, etc. along the peanut butter to represent the ants slkdjhflksjdf
Ace - Oreo Mug Cake His brother showed him once and he didn't stop since.
Materials and Ingredients: - Oreos - Milk - Fork - Microwave safe mug - Microwave - Whipped Cream (optional)
Instructions:
Get your mug.
Throw 4-6 Oreos in. (4 for an 8 ounce mug, more for a bigger one) and soak in 1 less tablespoon of milk than the amount of cookies you put in. (so 3 tbs for an 8 ounce mug)
The longer you soak them, the easier it is to crush them and break them up, it should become kind of cakey texture already
Pop that bad boy in the microwave for a minute, and in 20 second intervals after that as necessary. Its not like it matters if it's 'raw' though.
Let it cool until you can handle the mug comfortably, add whipped cream or other toppings and enjoy!
Savanaclaw
Leona - Bacon Wrapped Sausages
Materials and Ingredients: - Baking dish (should have some depth to it) - Parchment paper - Cocktail sausages - Bacon - Scissors/Knife - Toothpicks - Brown sugar (optional) - Oven
Instructions:
Cut your bacon in half
Preheat your oven to 350 F. Roll up cocktail sausage in half a rasher of bacon and secure in place with a toothpick.
Place parchment paper in/on baking dish and place the rolls inside
Once you've prepared as many as you'd like, you can sprinkle brown sugar on top.
Bake for about an hour
Ruggie - Elote Loco (Mexican street corn/ 'crazy corn')
Materials and Ingredients: - Canned corn - Mayo - Lemon/Lime - Salt - Pepper - Cayenne - Bowl
Instructions:
Drain your corn can, then add corn to your bowl
Literally. Add everything else according to taste. Heat if you want to, or put in the fridge to eat cold. (I like it cold).
Jack - Fruit Leather (this is a higher-effort, more time-consuming recipe)
Materials and Ingredients - Cutting board (not optional this time :/) - Knife/Corer (if applicable) - Stove - Large saucepan - Water - Blender/Potato Masher - Lemon/Sugar/Cinnamon/Nutmeg, Etc. (optional, but recommended) - Parchment paper - Baking tray - Oven - Pizza cutter (makes things easier, not necessary)
Instructions:
Prepare your fruit. (Wash, peel, destem, core them, remove pits, etc.)
Chop into chunks, and simmer in 1/2 cup of water for every 4 cups of fruit while covered for 10-20 minutes, or until fruit is cooked. You can mash by hand or just go ahead and transfer everything to a blender, but you will have to transfer back into the pot after.
Taste, and add sugar/lemon/spices according to your preference.
Simmer and stir until everything is mixed in completely and the puree has thickened. (5-10 minutes)
Preheat oven to 140 F (check GTAT at the end for troubleshooting). Puree thoroughly in a blender/food processor.
Line baking tray and pour puree evenly onto it, it should be about 1/4 inch thick. Bake for 8-12 hours.
Use pizza cutter to cut into smaller pieces. You can cut the parchment paper underneath and roll the pieces accordingly to store.
This is a more labour intensive snack, BUT it keeps for sooo long. It can keep at room temp in ziploc bag for a month. In the fridge for 6 months. In the freezer for a year. Also a really good way to use overripe fruit.
Octavinelle
Azul - Funnel Cakes >:D (I had to look up a recipe to base the measurements off of, I did not memorize this, but I changed a few things when I Actually Made them)
Materials and Ingredients: - Stove - Large pan - Oil (Vegetable oil, but I think coconut or sunflower oil should work too if you have certain restrictions) - 1/4 cup Milk - 1 Egg - 1 tbsp Water - Splash of Vanilla extract (splash is generally between a 1/4 tsp and 1 tsp To Me) - White sugar (to taste) - 3/4 tsp Baking powder - Pinch of Salt - 1/2 cup Flour - Powdered sugar (to taste) - Cinnamon (to taste) - Plate - Paper towel - Large measuring cup - Fork or tongs - Other toppings (optional)
Instructions:
Throw all the Wet ingredients into the large measuring cup and whisk
Add sugar, cinnamon, salt, and baking powder, whisk until combined
Add oil to pan and start heating on medium, it should be about an inch deep to deep fry. Add flour to measuring cup and whisk until smooth.
(Refer to GTAT at the end to know when oil is hot enough). Use the measuring cup to drizzle the batter in a line around the pan and overlap as desired. Honestly, the thicker the lines the better imo. Cook for 2 minutes until golden brown, then flip and repeat.
Once cooked, move carefully to plate with paper towel to soak up the oil, and add powdered sugar on top. Add other toppings as desired.
Jade - Roasted Chickpeas Easy protein to bring on a hike
Materials and Ingredients: - Can of chickpeas - Baking tray - Parchment paper - Olive oil - Seasoning as you wish (Personal recommendation: garlic powder, salt, paprika, pepper and a little cayenne) - Oven
Instructions:
Line a baking tray with parchment paper and preheat your oven to 400 F.
Drain your can of chickpeas, rinse, then drain again. Try and dry them out a bit before you season them, either leaving them in a colinder or letting them sit out on paper towels or a cloth...or on the tray if you've got time to kill. **If you don't like the feeling of oil on your hands, you might have an extra dish to wash but thats okay. Add your chickpeas to a glass bowl before the next step.
Transfer chickpeas to the tray (if you're not using the bowl) and coat with a generous amount of oil. Add seasonings as you wish, then mix with your hands (or a spoon if you're using the bowl, then transfer to the tray.)
Bake for 20-30 minutes, shaking the pan gently about every 10 minutes to help rotate the chickpeas. Once they're golden brown and crunchy, they're done.
Best eaten straight away, but you can keep them in container for a few days.
Floyd - Trail Mix (AKA the ADHD snack Ever imo)
Materials and Ingredients - Anything you got in your pantry that already kinda qualifies as a snack food - Something to put it in (bag or bowl/container with a lid is preferable) - My favourite mix to make is granola, cranberries, raisins, and chocolate chips
Instructions
Grab your materials
If you're using something that should probably cut up, (like fruit by the foot or something idk) just rip it and throw it in the Container.
Mix everything in a bowl or bag. Use more of your Favourite Ingredient than everything else, then close your storage thing.
Shake that motherfucker
Put everything back (or do this As You Add it so you're left with nothing to clean up at the end)
Scarabia
Kalim - The Forbidden (I made this when I was like 6 for a week straight after school, I DO NOT recommend) He came up with this as a midnight snack and didn't want to bother Jamil.
Materials and Ingredients - Microwave - Microwave safe bowl - Chocolate chips - Mini marshmallows - Fork - A very high tolerance for Texture and Sweetness
Instructions:
Put chocolate chips and marshmallows in the bowl
Microwave for 15 second intervals, mixing with your fork in between.
When it becomes a sticky amalgamation from hell and looks like a dung beetle would be proud of it, it's done.
Jamil - Fattoush He saves the leftovers of the dishes he makes for Kalim throughout the day in order to make some version of Fattoush
Materials and Ingredients: - Cutting board - Knife + Pizza cutter (not necessary, but fun) - Lettuce - Tomato - Cucumber - Radishes - Pita bread - Pan - Stove - Olive oil - Salt + pepper - Bowl x 2 - Glass measuring cup - Lemon juice - Garlic powder, dried mint, and sumac (you don't have to use these) - (I like adding Granny smith apples and goat or feta cheese, but it's not traditional)
Instructions:
Cut up your veggies like you would for any salad and throw em in a bowl
Use the pizza cutter to slice pita bread into smaller, bite sized pieces.
Fry the pieces with a little bit of olive oil, salt and pepper, then set aside in a different bowl so they stay Crunchy
In the glass measuring cup use about 2 tbsp of lemon juice, add some garlic powder, dried mint, salt, pepper, sumac, and whisk.
Slowly stream in about 3 tbsp of olive oil and whisk continuously until it combines. (this might take a while to emulsify, yes you can use a hand mixer on low if you want)
Drizzle dressing over your salad portion, and add pita chips as you wish
Pomefiore
Vil - Parfait He let the French man into his life, also this is bougie parfait, you don't have to follow this exactly lmao, this is just how I used to make it for my mom
Materials and Ingredients - Cutting board + knife - Grapes, red and green if possible - Granola - Blueberries (they can be frozen) - Cherries, cored/halved except one (can also be frozen) - Yogurt (I prefer vanilla for this stuff, Vil probably uses plain Greek yogurt and some honey for sweetness) - A wine glass, otherwise just a clear glass makes it look best, but it doesnt really matter - Spoon
Instructions:
Dice those grapes as small or large as you like, mine are generally the size of like. The eraser end of a pencil. Set aside.
Get your glass and gently spoon yogurt into the bottom, up by about 2 inches. If you have the patience, gently arrange the blueberries into a 1 berry layer. If not, just grab less than a handful of blueberries and put them on top of the yogurt.
Add another inch of yogurt to completely cover the berry layer, and add a thin layer of granola. Cover completely with yogurt again, using another inch-2 inches to do so
Again, if you have the patience, you can arrange your cherry halves into a nice circle to completely cover the yogurt layer. If not, do the same thing as the blueberries.
Cover with another inch-two inches of yogurt. Add a thicker band of granola this time, and top with yogurt once more, to nearly the top of the glass.
Add your whole cherry to the middle of the parfait, and add the mix of diced grapes around it. ** if you used frozen fruit, let it thaw for a couple minutes so you can see the colour bleed into the yogurt a bit bc it looks cool. I'm the boss of you for this one rule because I'm right about it sdlkjfhsldjkf
Rook - Maakouda A guilty pleasure of his. He remembers them fondly from home. Works best with leftover mashed potatoes.
Materials and Ingredients: - Mashed potatoes (if you don't have left overs, just boil chunked potatoes in lightly salted water. Once they're soft, drain them, use a handmixer to mix, add some butter/whipping cream, season as you wish (garlic powder, salad herbs, salt, pepper), add shredded cheese if you want idc. Once everything is mixed you got yourself. Mashies.) - Egg - Garlic, Parsley, Cumin, Tumeric, Salt, Pepper - Flour in a bowl - Oil - Pan - Stove** - you can use an air-fryer for this if you want - Slotted spoon/tongs/fork - Plate w/ paper towel
Instructions:
For every 2 cups of mashed potatoes, you will add one egg, but don't do it yet. Add seasoning to your mashed potatoes first so you can taste and adjust the flavour as necessary, THEN add your egg(s).
Start heating oil, (about 2 inches) in a pan at medium heat. While you wait for it to get to temperature, (Look at GTAT to know when the oil is hot enough) roll your potato mixture into small balls and roll in flour
Fry until golden. Remove from oil using your utensil of choice and let it drain on the paper towel
Repeat until all the "batter" is used up
Epel - Dulce de Leche + Apple Slices Ruggie showed it to him
Materials and Ingredients - Sweetened Condensed Milk (if you don't just have dulce de leche on hand) - Apples (Granny Smith recommended) - Two glass baking pans, one larger than the other - Water - Oven
Instructions:
Preheat oven to 425 F
Pour SCM into smaller glass pan, cover with foil
Place smaller glass pan into larger glass pan. Fill the larger glass pan with as much water as necessary to cover the level of SCM in the smaller pan
Throw it in the oven for like 2 hours and monitor periodically to refill with water if necessary. Keep cooking until it's the colour golden brown you want
Once it's to colour, remove from oven carefully, remove foil, and remove from larger glass pan carefully.
Once cool enough, store in glass jar if possible, or wait longer and store it in a plastic container.
Cut up apple and whatever is left in the pan, scrape it out with the apple and eat it lmaooo unless you have a silicone spatula ain't no way you getting all that caramel out of the pan. Serve yourself more as necessary lmao
Ignihyde
Idia - Worms and Dirt Baybeeeeeeee The far less healthy version of a parfait
Materials and Ingredients: - Crushed Oreos (Oreos + double bagged ziploc bags and you Gamer Rage sldfhlskdjfhlsj) - Whipped Cream - (If making from scratch, you'll need whipping cream, vanilla, and powdered sugar + hand mixer. Just throw ingredients in to taste and mix) - Chocolate pudding - Gummy worms - Rolling pin (optional) - Mixing bowl (glass or metal preferable) - Spatula - (Clear) Glass
Instructions:
Crush the Oreo's by any means necessary. Obliterate them.
Pack the Oreo remains into the bottom of your cup
Mix your whipped cream with the chocolate pudding using the spatula to fold it into each other until it Tastes Right. That is subjective, so if you Like it and it's Brown you Did It.
Spoon/plap how much of your chocolate mousse you'd like into your cup. Throw in a couple gummy worms, add more oreo corpse if you want then fill to the top with chocolate mousse.
Top with more oreo ashes and more gummy worms
Leftover mousse is pretty versatile if you have it with fruit or make more worms and dirt, but it only keeps for a day or two in the fridge
Ortho - :(
Diasomnia
Malleus - "Snow Cone"
Materials and Ingredients: - Rage - Double or triple ziploc bags - Ice - Hot water - Grenadine, Maple syrup, Lime and salt, something else (Choose ONE per serving or embrace Lilia's energy and regret it) - A bowl + spoon
Instructions:
Double/triple bag ice
Run bags under hot water for a few minutes to help melt the ice a little bit (assuming you don't have already very small pieces of ice)
Crush the ice via brute force (its a good work out) OR I GUESS you could use a BLENDER but where's the fun in that
Get rid of any extra water and serve very finely crushed ice in a bowl
Top with your desired flavouring to taste
Lilia -
REDACTED
Silver - Refried Beans Another Ruggie special lmao I love him so much
Materials and Ingredients: - Canned black beans - Salsa (optional) - Chicken bouillon - Oil - Pan/Stove - Wooden spoon/potato masher - Chips or some sort of bread
Instructions:
Drain a little more than half of the Bean Juice
Over medium heat, add a little bit of oil to the pan, (enough to cover the bottom), and add the Beans
As it heats up and the remaining Bean Juice starts to bubble, add chicken bouillon and salsa to taste.
Mash the beans while they cook to mix in flavouring and to get beans to the right consistency. They'll be done when there's no liquid left sloshing around, but you can decide how Dry you want your beans
Add beans on top of tortilla chips, sprinkle cheese on top and call it done, throw some in a burrito or on top of salad, lightly toast some bread, put some mayo on it and add the beans, do what you want <3
Sebek - Salmon Croquettes
Materials and Ingredients: - Canned salmon - Diced bell peppers (choose your favourite colours)**go to GTAT for other substitutions and notes - Diced red onion - Egg (if you don't have any just add more mayo) - Worcestershire sauce - Mayo - Garlic powder, salt, pepper, paprika, other seasonings (your choice) -Bowl - Flour - Panko (optional, or substitute bread crumbs) - Oil - Stove/Pan - Tongs (you can try to use a fork but it won't always work lol) - Plate w/paper towel
Instructions:
Prepare your veggies, and drain salmon
Mix in with canned salmon, and add mayo, Worcestershire, and seasonings to taste. Add just a tiny bit more than you think you should in regards to spices because when you throw the flour in, it'll 'dilute' the flavour a bit
Lightly beat 1 egg for every 5 ounces of salmon (should be on the can) and add to mixture, using hands or wooden spoon to mix.
Add just enough flour and breadcrumbs to the mixture that it doesn't stick to your hands.
Set up your pan with oil, (just enough to cover the bottom), over medium heat and make little 'patties' out of your mix.
Fry your patties until golden brown (2-3 minutes) on both sides.
Remove from heat and place on plate to drain.
Staff
Crowley - Fuckit Fudge (AKA Rocky Road Fudge)
Materials and Ingredients: - Parchment paper - Cake pan - 2 cups Chocolate chips - SCM (14 oz = 1 3/4 cups, should be on the can) - 1/4 cup Butter - Vanilla - Marshmallows - Almonds - Anything else you want (just be aware you'll have to add more chocolate and you'll likely have to cut down on the other fillings as well) - Glass bowl - Spatula - Microwave/Double boiler (GTAT tells you how to make one) - Patience
Instructions:
Melt chocolate chips, SCM, and butter (about 90 seconds in the microwave)
While it's melting, set up your cake pan with parchment paper
Add a splash of vanilla extract and mix with spatula until smooth
Stir add-ins into mixture, and pour into cake pan carefully
Make sure mixture is spread evenly, and refrigerate until it solidifies (depends on how deep you made the fudge)
Cut into chunks and serve. Stores well in an airtight container in the fridge for up to 2 weeks.
Trein - Raspberry Cordial Not a 'snack' but like if the Shaftlands are known for ruby berries I feel like this is close enough. It's from Anne of Green Gables, shhh its soooo good
Materials and Ingredients - Raspberries (GASP can you believe it) - Lemon/lemon juice - White sugar - Water - Sparkling water/Ginger Ale works too. Sprite is a stretch. - Pot/Stove - Fine mesh strainer - Pitcher - Ladle - Glass measuring cup
Instructions:
We're making a raspberry syrup, so you can use fresh, overripe or frozen raspberries. For every cup of raspberries, use just under a half cup of sugar, (3 cups of raspberries = 1 1/4 cups of sugar), and put both into a pot/saucepan.
Cook on medium/high heat and mash with like. the bottom of a ladle or something. It'll take like 20 minutes to have it cooked down to a liquid.
Strain into the measuring cup. If there are still seeds or pulp, strain again. Squeeze lemon into it in small amounts and taste as you go until you get the flavour You Want. This is your syrup. At this point, if you want to save some to use for other recipes or something, set some aside.
Boil the water (Use one cup more of water than you did of raspberries) and add it to the pitcher with your raspberry syrup. Mix, then let it chill in the fridge. ** if you would like to use sparkling water/lemonade or ginger ale instead, you'll just have to mix for longer is all, don't heat those
Serve and garnish with lemon or mint.
Crewel - Carrot Salad idk man I'm running out of steam and ideas lmaoooo
Materials and Ingredients: - Carrots, peeled - Grater - Bowl - Lemon, salt, cayenne - Fork
Instructions:
Grate your carrots into the bowl you're gonna eat out of
Squeeze your shredded carrots to get rid of the extra Juice (look at GTAT)
Add lemon/lime, salt and cayenne according to taste, and mix with fork
Tastes best chilled, eat immediately
Vargas - Deviled Eggs
Materials and Ingredients: - Saucepan/pot + Stove - Water - Eggs - Mayo - Salt, pepper, paprika, cayenne - Bowl + fork - Lime juice (optional) - Knife and cutting board - Bowl with ice water
Instructions:
Choose how many eggs you're gonna want to make, idk, maybe 6? Put them in the pot and gently fill with just enough water to cover them. Add salt and lemon juice (GTAT) to the water and heat on medium
Prepare your bowl with ice water. Let your eggs boil for about 8 minutes before draining the water and running them under cold water until they're cool enough to handle for a few seconds to put in the ice bath
Wait until your eggs are cold enough to handle for you to crack the egg shells off. I love using my hands but if it's easier to put it in a container with a lid and shake it gently, go ahead, just shake it enough to break the shell in a way you can remove it.
Once all your eggs are shelled, cut them in half the long way, (be careful they are Slippery)
Remove the yolks gently without ripping the egg white. Generally, you can just use your fingers or turn the egg upside down orrr very gently push the yolk out from behind into the bowl.
Add mayo and seasonings at your discretion. (if it feels like it's missing something, you can try adding diced pickles/pickle juice, bacon bits, dill, or mustard.) Mash together with the fork until smooth, or if you're using a lot of eggs you can use a hand mixer. Mixture should be creamy.
Gently spoon the mixture back into the egg whites. Any leftover mixture will be great on sandwiches!
Sam - Sausage Bites
Materials and Ingredients: - 1 Pillsbury OG Crescent Roll dough - Sausage of your choice, cut into 1 inch pieces (unless it's cocktail sausages, leave them as is) - 1 Egg + 1tbsp for an egg wash - Baking sheet + parchment paper (oven) - Flour - Pizza cutter (more fun than a knife) - Plate w/ paper towel - Sauce: 1/2 cup Mayo, 1 tbsp mustard, 1 tbsp ketchup + Cajun seasoning to your hearts content or a simple chipotle mayo works too
Instructions:
Make your sauce, throw it in the fridge to cool, set your oven to 350 F.
Lightly flour your counter and spread out the Pillsbury dough. Cut each triangle into 3 smaller triangles. Place sausage on wide end of the triangle and wrap it to make kind of like. A donut around it.
Place on baking sheet and add egg wash. I don't have a basting brush so I kinda wing it with whatever bright idea strikes me first. Usually I just end up using my fingers lol
Bake for 15 minutes, until pastry is golden brown
Once done, place on plate and allow to cool. Add toothpicks if you'd like, and serve with your dip.
Others (BONUS, come on guys I'm pretending like this is something people actually want to read LMAO)
Jack T. - Vanilla Latte Bars
Materials and Ingredients: - Coffee beans - Vanilla - Pitted dates - Rolled oats - Food processor - Cake pan + parchment paper
Instructions:
For every cup of oats, match with pitted dates + 1/2 a cup. (2 cups oats = 2 1/2 cups of dates). For every cup of oats, add a 1/8 cup of coffee beans. (2 cups oats = 1/4 cup coffee beans). Add vanilla with your heart. Everything goes in the food processor and gets blended.
Pinch the 'dough' between your fingers. If it doesn't crumble, it's ready. If it does, add a splash of warm water, blend again, and repeat until the dough holds it's shape.
Press mixture into cake pan evenly and refrigerate
Cut and serve once hardened
Che'nya - Cheez-whiz, pickle and mini-marshmallow sandwich Oh, context? Yeah my dad said this was his childhood snack and I wanted to be like him when I was like 5. Do not recommend. But I also don't like processed cheese.
Materials and Ingredients - White bread, Wonder bread is ideal - Cheez-whiz - Sweet pickles, sliced - Multi coloured mini marshmallows - A psych assessment
Instructions:
You don't get help with this. You know what you're doing.
Falena - Chicharrones (Like. Pork bites.)
Materials and Ingredients: - Cutting board + knife - Pork cutlet (I only need to feed myself, so a huge cut of meat isn't necessary - Salt - Baking tray + parchment paper (oven)
Instructions:
Preheat oven to 350 F.
Cut your pork cut into ~1 inch cubes, or smaller. Place on baking sheet and use a generous amount of salt to season. Mix with your hands.
Cook until you can easily pull the pork apart
I like to use a little lemon, a little homemade tortilla and some crema to eat them, but just lemon or using them to top nachos works too
Cheka - Poor Man's Horchata He just likes it more because he can set it up mostly by himself, and he can share it without worrying about nut allergies.
Materials and Ingredients - Pitcher - Water - White sugar - Oats - Vanilla - Cinnamon - Ice - Wooden spoon
Instructions:
For every cup of oats, add half a cup of sugar into pitcher (or cup for a personal serving)
Bring 3/4 full with water and add ice to bring it as high as you are comfortable stirring.
Add remaining ingredients to taste, and add sugar/water/oats as necessary
Najma - Mango with Tajin
Materials and Ingredients - Cutting board and knife - Mango - Tajin - Bowl
Instructions:
Cut your mango however you like. I typically cube my Haden mangoes, but Ataulfo I do the grid thing and pop it up
Add Tajin to your preference. If you don't have Tajin, use lime, salt and cayenne.
Neige (and the dwarves) - Tarte Soleil (higher effort snack) It's easy to share and 'sun tart' feels fitting
Materials and Ingredients: - 2 puff pastries, cut into equal size circles - Egg for wash, like Sam's - Black and white sesame seeds, (Optional) - Garlic butter (softened butter w/ garlic powder, salt, lemon and parsley to taste) - Baking sheet + parchment paper (oven) - Water - Cup/Glass - Knife
Instructions:
Cut your puff pastry so it's just small enough to fit on your baking sheet. Leave one on the sheet and put the other in the fridge for now. Preheat your oven to 350 F.
Spread the garlic butter on the circle, leaving about a half inch untouched all the way around the circle. Place in the fridge for 5 minutes to set.
Dab the edges of the crust with water and set the other puff pastry on top, gently pressing the edges together (not squishing)
Put the glass smack dab in the middle, or at least best you can, and upside down. (Do not Press.) Use your knife to cut away from the glass and make a bunch of 'rays' (easiest way is to quarter the dough, then cut each quarter into sixths.)
Remove the glass and gently press where your 'ray' meets the circle the glass made to prevent it from ripping as you twist it. Repeat for every 'ray'
Egg wash, (just like Sam's), sprinkle sesame seeds and bake until golden brown (30-35 minutes)
Let it cool, transfer to serving plate, and rip off the rays to eat.
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GENERAL TIPS AND TRICKS
If you need to melt chocolate and don't have a microwave (been there love, I know), you can use a small pot with water in it, I would say about a third of the pot is good, and a glass bowl big enough to sit on top of it. Boil that motherfucker and melt chocolate in the glass bowl, this is basically a poor man's double boiler
To clean melted sugar from the pot, there's a couple ways to go about it. I can't relax when I know there are dishes still waiting for me, so I used my kettle to boil more water, poured it into the pot, mixed it around with the fork I used, and most of it dissolved. I poured it down the sink, then used a sponge, soap and brute force to get the rest of it out. The other option is similar, where you just add fresh water to what's left of the sugar mixture, let it sit overnight, boil it again, and then dump it. (don't use cold water it will harden against the pot and be even more difficult to clean)
Some oven's don't go that low, I think the other common lowest temp is 170 F. That's okay! You can use a pair of metal tongs to keep your oven slightly ajar, just check in on it every once in a while. I use the same trick when I make meringue cookies and it works perfectly. Makes it wonderful during winter, but in summer make sure you don't overheat love <3.
You'll know the oil is hot enough to deep fry if you 1. put the back end of a wooden spoon in the oil and bubbles form around it, or 2. drop a small bit of the batter/flour in and it starts bubbling.
If you don't like bell peppers, you can shred carrots or zucchini, just make sure you squeeze and drain out the water first. You can do this with a cheese cloth or just your hands and pouring the water/juice out of the bowl over the sink. The dryer you can get it the better.
Adding lemon juice to the water helps separate the shell from the egg
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I did this shit in like 8 hours gooooooooooooooooooooooooood I hope it doesn't flop. But if it does, I hope whoever it does reach, enjoys it, I had fun making it.
110 notes · View notes
carmenized-onions · 3 days
Text
I Want To. | Wellness Check
logline; Such is life, you go from not being needed at The Bear today to being more needed than you ever have been.
[!!!] series history, this is the fourth; First, Second, Third
portion; 4.7k+
possible allergies; a dash of Tony's former paramedic background (and just medical shit in general) in this one, so, a sprinkle of post-trauma stress (and her usual yikes psyche). Mikey comes up a bit, as usual! despite the ops, we ball.
pairing; Carmen ‘Carmy’ Berzatto & Fem Reader (pretty unavoidably gendered episode, mb non-fem folks)
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we'll talk after babe, have a good time w/ this one.
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Falling asleep was easy— par for Carmen fighting to keep his 6:30 am alarm on. When he finds out you don’t have a plug on his side of the bed and he has to charge his phone on your side, he turns it off. Cute.
Well, there’s also the part where you had to ask if he was okay because it sounded like he wasn’t breathing and it turns out —He was not breathing— He then pointed out that it sounded like you weren’t breathing —You were not breathing— Both of you thought the sound of your lungs would bother the other, so you opted not to use them at all. Turns out, counterproductive; you notice each other’s absences pretty well.
But besides that, it's easy. Carmen isn’t an awful bedfellow. He’s not super shifty, he doesn’t tug the blanket, he doesn’t roll all the fucking way over to your side, or anything like that. He’s honestly concerningly still. Is he annoyed that you’ve gotta toss and turn a little to get comfortable? Probably. He's probably dreaming of you exploding right now, he’s so annoyed. He didn’t make fun of your ages old build-a-bear plush nor it’s Cubs jersey, so that was nice. Pity, probably.
...If Carmen wasn’t here, he knows he’d be stirring and kicking and probably sleep-walking to his oven to light it on fire. But he is here. Where kicking would hurt. Where stirring would wake you. Where a fire would cause more anxiety than relief because all your plants and projects would die. Where you washed his hair and told him that taking care of people doesn’t feel like a lot of work to you. Was it not a lot of work, to take care of his brother? Was it worth it, to you? Probably not. How could it be?
He wills his body to not fucking move because if he does it's going to ruin everything. He's going to ruin everything.
He wakes up at 6:30 on the dot, alarm or no. He’d be concerned if his body functioned any differently. But he can’t get to his phone while you’re sleeping in his way and you’re so comfortable. You’re clutching a bear that’s undeniably on a losing team and you’re at peace with it. He’s trying not to make a metaphor out of this in his mind; alas, it’s already there. The only thing he can do is go back to sleep and dream about killing the teenage boy in his head before he can escape again and call you pretty.
It's around ten when you wake up, you try not to wake him when you turn to grab your phone, but the split second of motion makes him flinch like he’s about to get jumped. “Relax!” You hiss, but like, soft, whispered. “I’m doin’ the fuckin’ Wordle, not smothering you with a pillow.”
“You do the Wordle?”
“Oh, fuck you—”
“The first fuckin’ thing you do in the morning is the Wordle?”
“And I do the Crossword too, bitch, what of it?”
“…I like Connections.”
“I fuckin' hate Connections.”
“Alright, damn!”
The Chicago accent in both of you is stronger in your rasping morning voices. As is the laughter. You roll onto your stomach to get closer to him and let him see your screen. Neither of you have entirely woken up yet and that means it’s the perfect time to do a puzzle. If you don't focus on this puzzle right now, you fear you will get too comfortable in this idea of domesticity.
“C’s in the right place. Nothin’ else though.”
He’s the one that figures out its Cumin. You pretend not to be mad about this. You’re furious. Of course, it’d be a spice on the day Mr Food Guy sleeps over. Bullshit.
When you finally sit up, stretch, and say, “I’m just gonna shower real quick ‘nd—”
He’s at a breakneck speed to reply, “I’ll make breakfast.”
“Oh, you cook all the fuckin’ time, you don’t have to—”
“I want to.”
You blink, then shrug, the man likes to cook, c’est la vie. “Who am I to refuse?”
He looks far too happy about this, as though he’s won a lottery. A lottery of manual labour. He rolls out of bed, grabbing his back pack stuffed with yesterday’s clothes before leaving you to your own devices. In a literal sense, too, since you get a text. Ugh.
‘Gigi called in, can you reach?’
You would prefer not to reach, but this is capitalism.
‘When's the shift?’
‘6:30 to 12:30’
Why couldn’t something else at The Bear be fuckin’ broken today?
‘yeah i can reach’
‘that’s my girl, red tops today, see u’
You have also won the lottery of manual labour today. Look at you and Carm, luckiest people alive. Something like that. Alright, go shower and be normal about the fact that there’s a Michelin Star Chef making you breakfast in your kitchen. And he’s prett—
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“You make your own bread.”
“I do.” You sit at your own little breakfast nook, waiting to be served. Towel hung around your neck post shower. You’d offer to help, but based on his urgency to cook for you, it’s gonna be a no. Plus, the gift on the table you’ve got for him is going to piss him off enough, can't poke this bear too much. He's already given you a mile. Too many idioms.
“I like to think in another universe I am a homesteader who makes her own soaps and renders tallow n’ shit. But I settle for growing basil and making sourdough in my shitty little Chicago apartment for now.”
“I like your apartment.” He hums, though amused. He turns and sets your plate—the one black plate— in front of you with a small smile. This smile immediately falls when he pushes the plate towards you and you push a travel bag of toiletries towards him.
“Fuck is this?”
“I don’t want to hear any complaints, Irish Spring.”
“How d’you know I use Irish Spring?”
“It’s all five of your routine, it’s going to be pungent— Now listen.” You pick up the bag; you’d dug through your sink cabinet and found a dollar store pack of plastic travel bottles, unused from cancelled trips of yesteryear. You've decanted your own products for him. It's fine, you buy jumbo sizes anyways...
“Shampoo, conditioner, face wash—They’ve even got labels.”
He takes the bag from you, setting it down on his side of the counter, begrudgingly. Though he hasn’t particularly paid it much mind, tunnelled on something else entirely, “Do you not like Irish Spring?”
"I didn't give you a body wash, you can still use it for that one purpose."
"Yeah, but do you not like Irish Spring?"
"...I think it's fine."
“Fine?”
“I’m more of an Old Spice fan.”
“You don’t deserve breakfast—” He pulls your plate, you pull it back.
“All I said—” “Thinkin’ I smell like shit—” “Did not say that—!” “Just cause you use the fruity stuff—” “I smell good! Deny that I smell good!” “You smell fine.” “Wowww—Whatever, do the thing.”
“Bruschetta with a breakfast twist.” Ah, that makes him give you the plate back. His kink is explaining food. “Sourdough toasted, topped with fresh basil—”
“Courtesy of me.”
“Courtesy of you, yes. Tomatoes, bacon glazed in balsamic, and you didn’t have parm so I used feta. And then, y’know, over medium egg on top.”
“You’re very good, Carmen.”
“Oh, I—Uh—” You haven’t even tried it yet. You’re telling him he’s good for the sake of the effort he’s given alone. He needs an antacid. “Thank you.”
It’s redundant to say his food is good. But what else can you say? It’s a fucking perfect open face sandwich. But he’s eating it with you, and half of it’s your own handiwork, and all of your pantry, so you leave your praises purely reaction based, unsaid.
You're honestly a little distracted, reading too hard into the act of him giving you the black plate and taking one of your shitty plastic ones for himself. Time to talk.
“Itinerary for today?”
“Gotta talk chaos menu with Syd before opening, then, well, running the restaurant all night… And then I’ll—I’ll go home.”
“Yeah? You can come back here, if you want to.” Thank God you took a bite in time to hide your selfish disappointment. It’s good for him to go home, but then he’s not here. Real Catch-22.
He shakes his head, “I think I’m good now. Thanks, though. What’s—What’s uh, your plans for today?”
“I’m gonna drop you off wherever you’re going, n’ then I’m gonna go shopping for Syd’s gift—”
“It’s her fuckin’ birthday or somethin?” It’s a delight how immediately panicked he is by this. You're also thankful because he's so distracted it means you won't have to tell him the rest of your plans for today. You'd like to keep that life separate. For as long as possible, at least.
“Nono, it’s just, I didn’t get her anything for her opening night and I wanna change that. I’ll get you something too.”
“You don’t have to—”
“I want to.” The very idea of waiting for his response is freaking you the fuck out, so you’re quick to clear your voice and add. “I’ll give you my number, in case you end up needing to crash.”
“Yeah, yeah, okay. Ey, text me your invoice too.”
You take both your cleared plates to the sink, and the lie is swift. You've gotten a lot better at that, in the past year.
“Oh no worries, your sister already covered it.”
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It is 6:30 and your life is over. Kidding. Unless? You dropped off Carmen at the train station hours ago and, to use his words, ‘it’s hit’. He’s at The Bear and there’s nothing for you to fix there— So you’re not.
You’ve only been there like three times and yet it started to feel… Like your thing!
Like, like you’d just come in everyday and… Dunno, fix something... But it’s not like they’re gonna have a crisis everyday. Especially not ones that Fak can't handle himself if needed— There's no way he's gonna last at hosting, anyways. You’re now realizing the unrealistic dream— Possibly more unrealistic than homestead you.
Speaking of, Homestead You would probably throw up, if she saw the you you’re looking at in the mirror right now. You look good. Objectively, you know you look good. The mug is stamped. Your pants are black, high-waisted, and give you an ass. The bright red leather corset top is… Chafing, but it looks good! It's a sweetheart neckline so you have to take off your long rope chain necklace from Mikey and shove it in your pocket— Which is fine and doesn't feel bad at all. And listen, listen, being an on-call bottle girl is good money!
And you might get put on bar tonight! You don’t know for sure if you’re gonna have to juggle around lit up bottles for a bunch of fucking geezers!
...
God, fuck, it’s 10:20 and your life is over.
This group of geezers have been fucking annoying and fucking Cherry wouldn’t get off fucking bar even though you literally covered for her last week and these stupid grandpas asked if gratuity is included— No fucking shit! Did you take their card and put a 40% tip? Yeah, maybe. Fuck them! They’re too fucking rich to notice! And they took three hours to leave! Gonna bash this champagne bottle over his bald fucking—
“Ey! That’s a face I remember.”
You hear your name— Not Tony, not Chip, not Cousin. Your name.
You turn to see, oh fucking hell, let God kill you—
“Uncle J!~ Good to see you!~ What a surprise! It’s Jack, here.” Jack of all Trades. It was cute at the time of sign up. Your smile is bright, fake, strained, and beautiful.
“Been too long, really.” Cicero isn’t a bad guy—Correction: Cicero isn’t a bad guy, to you, but as Mikey once put it, he’s a fuckin’ ball buster and in your case, you’re one of the few people beneath him that he asks favours from. Always wants free labour and your expertise. And he always has a habit of asking for favours the second you need one back. But you don’t need one right now! So it’s fine! Everything’s fine!
“Do your Uncle a favour,”—Fully not your Uncle—“Could you pair me and my friends here with a good red?”
You let it go that they’re having fish and asking for a red. Stupid thing to get hung up over right now. You make a commission of it anyways; you just pick the most expensive bottle. He won’t know the difference. The Bear would know the difference. Carmen would notice the difference... Alright, relax.
While pouring glasses, Jimmy whispers to his compatriots and one by one they all peel off. It is almost alarming how quickly this group of men turn and leave without a second thought, taking their glasses with them.
You raise your brows and look at Cicero. “Ah. This is the moment where I sit?”
He nods, gesturing to the booth. “This is the moment where you sit.”
You slip into the booth, sitting across from him. “What do you need?”
“Right to the point with you.”
“I hate suspense.” You shrug.
“You liked Mikey.”
What the fuck?
You bite your inner cheek, hard. “Don’t say that shit.”
“I liked him too,” He says it solemnly, like your mutual grief is a proper apology. He takes a long sip of his stupid red wine. “Did you hear? Cousin Vinnie and Mira are gettin’ hitched, finally.”
“I have no fucking idea who Vinnie and Mira are.” You take the glass when he hands it to you, taking a sip. Small. You gotta drive home, after all.
“Really? It’s a big wedding—Destination too, in New York—”
“I hate to remind you, but I was friends with Mikey, not his family.” Not his biological one, at least. The Beef, sure. But you literally only met his siblings two days ago. “What’s a wedding gotta do with me?”
He bristles, and finally cuts it short. “Around three hundred guests, seven-hour shift, open bar—” “Oh, for fuckssake—” “Listen—”
“It’s an easy gig, I’ll fly you out for it, it’s a month and a half away, you’ll get to attend a big fuckin’ Italian wedding— Which will be a shitshow, certainly, so free entertainment; and Michelin Star level catering, kind of.”
You squint. Kind of? “You got Carmy in on this shit?”
“You know ‘em?”
You nod, pressing your elbows on the table, “We’ve recently become acquainted. What d’you got on him for him to cater a wedding?”
“He’s eight-hundred grand in the hole.” “Fuck!” “He gets thirty off for catering. Smart boy, said yes.”
Christ, you massage the bridge of your brow with one hand and pull out your phone with another to check your calendar, you might as well see if you can even entertain the idea. You don’t need a favour right now, maybe you can bargain and get him to actually pay you for it, this time.
“I dunno, Uncle J…”
Oh.
28 unread texts from Syd.
3 unread texts from an unknown number— Probably Carmen.
9 missed calls from Syd.
Uncle Jimmy, always, always, has a fucking way, of asking for a favour when you need one…
You slam your phone, screen down on the table, straightening your posture in your seat. “I have demands.”
He motions for you to continue, taking his wine glass back. “You always do.”
“You and your friends are gonna tip a hundred percent tonight.”
“That why you give me a 2016 Fisher?”
“I like to think ahead.”
“Smart girl.” He shrugs, palms of his hands out. Which means yes.
“If Uncle Lee comes up to the bar I’m throwing a fork at him and leaping over the counter.”
He chuckles, “Thought you 'didn’t know family'.”
“I remember what I'm told.”
His amusement fades quickly, remembering first hand. He nods. “…You’re allowed to jump him if I’m watching first.”
“And you’re friends with my boss, right?”
“We’re acquainted.”
“I’m gonna punch out now and you’re gonna smooth that out for me.”
He perks up, amused, glancing at your phone, “Somethin’ come up, Chip?”
“Don’t call me Chip.” He wants to poke at you, just a little bit more, but there’s a rattled look in your eyes that he’s so rarely seen that he lets it go.
He waves his hand, shrugging, “Be safe. I'll send you the details. December wedding, remember.”
At the end of the day, Cicero isn’t a bad guy to you, someone who loved his nephew as much as he did.
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You’re running to your car while you dial back Syd. You don’t have time to read the texts, all you need to know is that it’s an emergency. She picks up just after the first ring.
“Syd what the—” “Code blue!”
You almost fall on your face and eat asphalt. For a flash, you’re in the back of an ambulance being handed a defibrillator at the age of 22, surrounded by faces just as scared and young as you. Then you’re back in the parking lot, slotting the key into your car door because the fob doesn’t work. It’s never worked.
“S-Someone’s having a fucking heart attack!?”
“What?!”
“That’s what fucking code blue means!”
“Oh my god! Sorry! No, I was just saying the thing that scares doctors the most!”
“Yeah, I’m fuckin’ scared Syd!” You slide into the driver’s seat and slam your car door shut. You take a deep breath, white knuckling the steering wheel. “…I’m-I'm sorry for yelling! Where are you, what’s going on?”
“The—The Bear, the restaurant.” The second you have a location you’re revving off.
“Nat locked herself in the office—” “Like trapped?” This shit again?
“No, no— Like she locked herself in— She did this like two hours ago and I thought she was just taking a breather— But we’ve closed and, and like almost everyone left and she’s still not coming out— And she blocked the door inside— and— And I think she’s trying to hide that she’s basically shrieking in pain every five minutes.”
You take a long time to register anything she’s just said. Her tone is as panicked as you feel on the inside. You’re only now registering the ambient yelling of Richie and Carmen in the background.
“…Did—Can you hear me?”
“Yeah, yeah Syd, I’m just thinking.” You don’t step on the gas on purpose, it just happens. “A pregnant woman is screaming in pain— in intervals— behind a blockaded door?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Have you called an ambulance?”
There’s a much more distinct yell in the background from Richie, “No cops!”
Then from Carmen, “No coverage!”
“Yeah…” Syd shakily continues for them, “The insurance is a problem, and Richie said— Motherfucker—” You hear a muffled scrap over the phone before Richie continues on for Syd.
“Er, yeah, Cousin, Sugar keeps yelling that she’s fine ‘n blocked the door, if we call the cops they’re gonna ram that shit down and take her to the loony bin.”
“That’s not— That’s not what paramedics do.”
“That’s what they all do.”
“Richie, y’know, I was a paramedic, right?”
“…You a fuckin’ fed, Chip?”
“Richie, if I was a fuckin' narc you would be in prison by now. I, I— I'll be there in like, like eight minutes, everyone stop fucking yelling at Sugar!”
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You’re there in four. You almost rear end someone and you run every yellow you get but you’re there in four. You don’t park properly in the back, you just drive your car in and turn it off in the middle of the lot. You don’t bother to be let in, you just punch the code in as you remember it. As Natalie told you.
“Oh good you—Oh my, God?” Syd is no better than a man in this moment, going from grateful for your presence to being one intrusive thought away from whistling.
You did not have time to change out of your ...outfit and someone has been hogging your Carhartt. You pass Syd quickly, waving a hand in front of her face. Goddammit, why do your boot heels have to have that incredibly satisfying femme fatale click right now?
“Alright— Relax—”
“Holy shit, Chippy!” Richie was yelling at Sugar through the door along with Carm, but once alerted to your presence is now snapping his fingers. You'd describe him more as impressed than actually attracted to you. “You clean up!”
 “Cousin, are you—” He grabs Carmen’s face, turning it to you— Carmen does of course, immediately slap Richie’s hand away which of course, means they just start smacking each other's hands. Like preteen girls. “Ey, get the fuck off—” “I just want you to look at a pretty girl, Cousin—!” “Stop fuckin’ touchin’ me!” “Are you looking!?” “I—”
“Everyone shut the fuck up!”
You silence the room. You’re thankful most of the staff has left by now since it’s well after close. It's just Carmen, Syd, Richie, Tina, and Fak for some goddamn reason...You can't be mean you're handymen, you have to stick together.
“I look different from the usual jumpsuit, yes, we get it, can we move on? Pregnant woman?”
Syd is the first to speak, “…Were you on a date, though?”
You blink and roll your eyes all at once, twisting your head to her, “Syd—”
“It’s good to see you getting out there, baby.” Tina, deeply unhelpful in this moment, puts a hand around your shoulder. Oh to have a mother’s judgment when she’s not even your mother.
“O-kay!” You drag on the ‘kay’, clapping your hands together, “Everyone, just get your thoughts out in the next five seconds and then we’re moving on.”
“Chippy, I cannot believe you’ve held this out on me—” “—I meant it like-like a concerned, did we interrupt your date—” “—The red is unbelievable on you, Cousin!” “I need you to teach me how you do your makeup—” “Can you— can you yell again—?” “Fak!” “Oh, so that’s too much?”
A cacophony, it continues on. Your eyes glaze over, and you’re waiting for Sugar to let out a scream so everyone remembers the fucking point of being here. But then you look at Carmen. Everyone’s pivoted from staring at you to yelling at each other. But Carmen; Carmen is still looking at you. Stupid soft scary eye contact. And his voice is so much quieter than the yelling but it’s the thing that you hear anyways.
“It looks tight.”
There’s a possibility that when you killed the teenage girl inside you that you also killed the feminist. Because there’s a small sub-sect of you that’s upset that he’s not objectifying you right now. That his vision is focused on you. Not the changes. He doesn’t seem to look at you any differently than when you’re wearing a jumpsuit and utility belt, covered in toilet water. This should not be annoying and yet it is.
“It is.”
He nods, eye contact unshifting, unblinking, “You wanna change?”
“Maybe after we find out whether or not your sister is in labour.”
He nods. He takes a second but he nods.
You approach him, rather, the door, knocking gently. Everyone quiets down.
You clear your throat, and once more, the persona is put on, you’re a paramedic, putting on that soft but firm reassuring authoritative tone. “E-M Rescue, I got a call for a wellness check on Natalie Berzatto?”
“Tony—” A groan of pain behind the door, “I am perfectly well! Everyone go home!”
You grimace, you motion with your hand for Fak to hand you a screwdriver— He keeps one in his breast-pocket, even when wearing a suit. Hey, you should start doing that.
“Nat, I’m a paramedic— Or I was—will you please let me in?”
“I don’t— Fuck! —Need a paramedic!”
“Never hurts to do a check-up, Nat.” You speak calmly, like you always did. “Listen, lover, if you don’t open the door, I’m gonna have to take it off its hinges, and we're gonna lose medic patient confidentiality.”
When she doesn’t reply after a good beat, you start to unscrew the top hinge; she can hear it, “Wait, wait, wait— Fuck-Fuck— I’m opening it!”
There’s another series of pained groans as she exerts herself to open the door, and once she does, it’s only by a crack, to look at you and you alone. She’s absolutely been crying. She speaks in a whispered tone. “Just you.”
You nod, handing the screwdriver back to Fak without breaking eye contact with her. “Just me.”
She cracks it open just enough for you to come in. And so, you do. Everyone is, for the first time, too worried about her shutting down to interrupt or yell a complaint.
You close the door behind you, pressing your back to it. You note the toppled over chair by your feet that she must’ve blocked it with. Plus the puddle of amniotic fluid beneath her. Oh fuck.
...
“You wanna talk or do you just want me to check your contractions?”
“I’m—” She shakes her head, covering her face. She half sits on the desk. “I’m fucking— I am not ready for this.”
“Yeah.” You nod. You’re not here to convince anyone they’re ready to be a fucking mother. But you’re here to listen, certainly.
“She’s gonna hate me.”
“Who?”
“Her—!” Her voice is choked, another contraction. You’re silently taking the time in your head. She points to her stomach.
“And— And we just opened, and— And I’m gonna have to go on maternity leave, which is the last fucking thing we need and— and— If I could just fucking keep her in!”
“Natalie.” You put a hand on her shoulder, she finally looks at you. “This is happening.”
“Not help—fu—ll.”
“I know it’s not. This is scary and there are no take backs—” “Very unhelp—”
“Nat, your daughter wants to meet you.”
You squeeze her shoulder; she looks like she’s gonna cry all over again for a completely different reason. “She probably won’t hate you. Who’s to say. But I know you’ll love her. And that’s enough, isn’t it?”
She nods, emphatically, but something is still bothering her. You squeeze her shoulder again. You whisper, so even if everyone’s ear is pressed to the door— Which you doubt, she’s screaming after all, they won’t hear.
“Carmen will still know you love him, even when you're not here.”
She immediately goes for a hug, you reciprocate with a shuddered ease. She sniffs, head on your shoulder. She stays there for a while before letting you go, nodding. “Okay.”
You hand her the tissue box next to her on the table, she takes it thankfully, crushing it in her hand. Another contraction. Oh, that couldn't have been more than 2 minutes. Oh fuck.
You kneel down in front of her, and you’re simply no longer in your body as a person but just the paramedic. You could not be more thankful that she’s wearing a dress today. Awkward requests of spreading legs and pulling off underwear aside, Natalie’s daughter does in fact really want to meet her. Oh fuck.
You look up at Natalie, between her knees, you speak cool, professional. “You’re crowning. This is gonna have to happen here. I'll have someone call your husband.”
You’re so calm that it doesn’t give Natalie the feeling or need to freak out, she just breathes. “Okay. Okay.”
You stand upright. “Do you prefer this office or somewhere else?”
“I can’t— Move.”
“Makes sense. Makes total sense. Okay. I’ll go get everything we need, I’ll be right back. I might send some people in, okay, love?”
She just grunts in reply, nodding, now that she’s not in as much emotional pain, she can entirely focus on her brutalizing physical pain.
“Oh, hey, I know—” You grab her purse, pulling out her phone and ear buds, handing them to her with haste, your calm demeanour is faltering just a bit. “Listen to some music, loud, y’know, chill…” You put the pods in her ear for her. She’s again, in too much pain to tell you to fuck off, and just plays her music loud.
You softly open the door, smiling just a bit too much as you leave, and very softly close the door behind you. Looking at the motley crew before you, your persona immediately falls apart. You really only wanted her to play music so you could scream. “Oh, my fucking God.”
“What’s happening, she good?” What a sweet, stupid brother, Sugar has.
You purse your lips together, eyes wide, shaking your head. “She’s going to give birth in like— Maybe six minutes. Max ten.” Everyone goes to speak in an uproar of panic, and then you slap yourself in the face. Hard. That stuns them silent.
“Alright!” You press your hands over your eyes, “Tina!”
She’s been around this block before, “What do you need?”
“Can you go sit in there with her? Tell her all the breathing exercises and shit? Keep her calm? Coming from you it won’t seem so—”
“Condescending as fuck?”
“Yes, exactly, can you?”
“Gotchu, baby.” She claps your shoulder when she walks past and into the office.
You clap hers in tandem, “Thank you, Mama—Okay, Richie!”
“Yeah?”
“I’m gonna need you to call Nat’s husband—”
“Why do I—”
“Because you’re a fuckin’ dad, Rich, and he will need you!” You’re yelling all pissed, snapping your fingers at him, but he does light up when you say it like that. “I don’t care if he wets his fuckin’ bed, tell him to get here!”
He salutes, walking off, “Aye aye, Cap’n Chip.”
You shake off the sting in your hand, God, you really did slap yourself too hard. You turn to the next targets. “Syd, Fak.”
Syd responds hesitantly for the both of them, since Fak is silently enjoying your colonel persona a little too much. “…Yes, C-Captain?”
“I need towels, a lot of clean towels— cloth ones, like sanitized clean— Warm half in water— And then I need a clean sheet— A table cloth or something, I don’t fucking care, something clean and big that you’re fine destroying. I need sterile sheaths, Syd you get those— Other than that, however they get to me, I don’t give a shit— Just scrub in before you touch anything!”
They almost knock into each other the way they run so fast. You yell after them. “Get the big sheet first, she needs to lay down!”
“Yes, Chef!”
You take a deep breath before moving your gaze onto Carmy. The screaming lead EM in you melts off your shoulders, just for the second.
He asks before you can even say anything, “Yes, Chef?”
“I need you to scrub in and get me gloves and an apron—” “On it, Chef—” “And you’re gonna sit in with me for the birth of your niece.”
He cringes, not to refuse, but just the mounting reality of the situation is dawning on him. His sister is going to give birth to his niece in their shared office of his high-class restaurant within it's first week of open.
But you then tag on, “Carmy, she needs you— Frankly, I’m not the one giving birth but fuckin' I need you. T-There.”
He softens instantly, like tranquilizing— Well, a bear.
“Yes, Chef.”
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I know the opening probably feels so far away by now, but i do want to note that Breakfast Bruschetta is my own recipe that I used to make like every fuckin' day pre-employment. It's so goddamn good. I highly recommend it, babes. It's balsamic with brown sugar dissolved, btw, Carmy's just a quick explainer.
I wrote like a solid 75% of the labour sequence before deciding it just needed to have the breathing room of it's own chapter, so until next time for that one bbs. But I'm excited for it! And also dreading it! A lot of hard conversations combined with giving birth = nightmare to write, but well worth it, i think. Speaking of: I don't believe at the end of Season 2 that Sugar is at the end of her term of 36 weeks, but in our case here, she is. I'm very much so not interested in a very scary premature birth for our girl!! She's okay!! Dw!! I just wonked with time a little, hope that's okay.
And hey, look at that reveal! Bartender/Sommelier was code for bottle service-- Which is a very respectable career, btw, don't get it twisted-- I was critiquing it only in the way I would critique literally any other job: Misery Under Capitalism. And now we've got that fuckin' wedding in the future midst! Ah!!
Anyways please send me your thoughts ad nauseam, I reload my activity feed every 3 seconds to see what you guys are thinking. If you reblog, tell me what you think in the tags!! Yell at me in the replies!! Send an anon in!! I don't bite, I swear <3
Next Part
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bxckkdoor · 3 days
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ripples ౨ৎ⋆˚。⋆
SYNOPSIS  : things skz hyung line love about their chubby partner
PLAYLIST : ripples - beabadoobee ; touch tank - quinnie
PAIRING(S) : bf!skz hyung line x gender neutral reader
WARNING(S) : mentions of insecurity, skirts ( not necessarily feminine in my eyes ), i think thats all??
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note : ah hi !!! sorry this took so long to get out, a maknae line version should be up soon as well ! i hope you enjoy !! ( and to the others that sent in reqs, those should be up soon as well, this week has been crazy for me ☹️. anyway, you can expect it sometime this week !! )
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channie:
— loves coming home to you already asleep and all cozy. you’re the best thing for his insomnia, your cute little snores lull him right to sleep. after washing up, he’ll slide into bed next to you. his hands naturally find the soft skin of your thighs and plush tummy. rubbing down your soft skin till he reaches your knee and back up again. he’ll trail up your arm to your collarbones until he reaches your jaw. brushing stray hairs from your face, he leaves kisses in their wake. you slowly stir awake.
“ channie? ” your voice is so sweet, a little hoarse from the sleep. it’s only now you realize you fell asleep while waiting for him. you hate how late he stays in the studio, perfecting and nit-picking his already beyond-perfect work. you’ll always admire how hard-working he is but that doesn’t take away from how desperately you wish he was home more.
“ mmm, hi my love, ” he giggles. words can’t describe how lucky he feels knowing he gets to love you.
— he loves how you’re almost oblivious to how much everyone adores you. you just have this energy that seeps into other people, you’re so unapologetically yourself and it’s sosososo attractive.
— loves buying you new clothes that match his so when you go out, everyone knows his pretty baby is all his <33
minho:
— he is the thigh guy ever. he loves to lay with his head between your soft thighs while he does something mindless like scrolling on his phone, turning his head to leave soft kisses on your skin. sometimes he’ll get too much cuteness aggression from hearing you recall your day and leave a gentle bite in place of the kiss, soothing it with a peck when you squeal.
“ minho! ” your voice cracks a bit but he just starts laughing, smoothing over the bite mark with a kiss.
“ ‘m sorry, you’re just so cute. “ he puts his head back to look up at you admiring your features, despite them being upside down from this angle. you’re so pretty, his personal paradise. whenever work and his mind becomes too much, you’re his getaway. his escape.
“ anyways, so then she- “ you continue to talk about the girl at your favorite coffee shop and he just watched you, love practically seeping from his eyes. you’ll never grasp just how much he adores you but he can hope you understand at least a bit of it.
— he loves how cute you look with his initials around your neck or on the bracelet he bought, pressed against your pretty wrist. he would probably pass out if you ever wore thigh jewelry, a little m adorning his most favorite part of you.
— always has his hand on your thigh while he drives, squeezing along to the music or whenever he needs to remind himself that you’re all his. he gets to have you like no one else does. ( what did i say, he’s the thigh guy ever. )
changbin: 
— hear me out, your arms. he’s so obsessed with how they wrap around him, grounding him and protecting him from all things stressful.
“ oh, hi bin- “ your sentence is cut off as he lifts you into his arms, burying his sweaty face into your neck before leaving a kiss there that makes you squirm. he had just got done at the gym. it was obvious he couldn’t wait to see you by the way he practically tackled you.
he’ll just laugh into your neck before pulling back to look at you, still holding you in his arms. his hair is curly and his cheeks are flushed. you’ll never get over how perfect he always looks, especially now. it feels like he’s reading your mind when he says,
“ you’re so perfect, you know that? “ he praises. something you’ll never know is that he thinks about you the way you think about him. you’re so flawless to him, everything about you is worth worshipping in his eyes.
“ …okay, i love you binnie but you’re sooo sweaty “ he finally breaks out of the trance you have him in but only to sulk.
“ ahh, why doesn’t my baby love me!? “ he exclaims and once you finally get out of his tight hold, it’s not for long. he’ll chase you around your shared apartment and once he finally gets his hands on you, prepare for endless kisses littered across your face <3
— he would LOVE it if you were stronger than him. he finds it so attractive if he could go head to head with him in the gym, his competitive side on full display. but he also loves being stronger than you, picking you up like you weigh nothing, and having you in his lap. he knows you might worry about being too heavy but you are such a big reason why he works so hard in the gym. he just loves being strong for you.
— he’s honestly such a show off. he just likes the idea of you never having to lift a finger, and doing everything for you without you ever having to say the word. you want water? it’s already by the bed in your favorite cup. you’re hungry? he’s already in line at your favorite restaurant before you can even text him. his acts of service love language is coming on strong.
binnie bonus!!!
— he’s another one who loves to see you in cute outfits, he adores your fashion sense so you usually do the outfit picking for the two of you. whether it be a skirt on a cute pair of shorts or some plain jeans, he’s so in love with how it all fits you. 
hyunjin:
— everything about your body. just the way you move and the way you fit against him perfectly is enough to send him into a rant about his adoration for you. to him, your body is art, perfectly constructed and molded into something that not even the most time-consuming sculptures can replicate. you are art, so of course you make your way into his.
“ hyunjin, i’m starting to cramp. ” you whine. he has so many doodles of you that he’s done from picture references but now, it’s time for the real thing. despite your complaints, he takes his sweet time.
“ just a little longer love, i’m almost done. “ he whispers, making small strokes of his pencil in his sketch pad. it really shouldn’t have taken him this long but he keeps getting distracted. you’re posted all pretty for him, holding the flowers he bought you. you’re just such a sweet sight and he can’t seem to tear his eyes away from you, even if it is for a few seconds.
before he can tell you he’s done, he’s getting up and planting a kiss on your lips. having to resist touching you for so long should be a crime. just watching you be so effortlessly beautiful and not being able to show you that he’s thinking that was torture. you’re made to be loved and he’s made to carry that mission out. 
— couple pictures!!! loves taking cute pictures on your dates or going to especially pretty places to snap especially pretty pictures of you. he loves simple outfits that look good on both of you, blue jeans and white button-ups. some of his favorite pictures are of the two of you in that exact outfit, playing in fields of flowers or walking around the pretty streets of a new part of town. his wallpaper is actually of you lying in the flowers <3
— he loves to hold your waist when you’re cooking or washing dishes. whenever he’s teasing you he’ll pinch you softly. it always ends in him being splashed with water and forced to flee the kitchen to escape your playful slaps.
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thank u for reading !! again, please send me any feedback or critiques you have !! this was so fun to write <3
my skz masterlist !!
— @bxckkdoor ᧔o᧓
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Mother I'm on my knees and begging for a SPICY fallen angel villain × cursed by the devil hero. May thy pen shine and glamor 🙏🏻
The villain let out a relieved moan.
As they could feel it inside them, hard and hateful, they allowed themselves to close their eyes and enjoy the moment. They took in slow breaths, concentrating, preparing.
Eventually, they looked at the hero and a smile tugged at the corners of their mouth.
“Are you flirting with me?” they asked. One of their hands followed the hero’s collarbone.
“You tell me.” The hero pushed further and caught by surprise, the villain laughed breathlessly. They took the hero’s hand.
Back when they’d been an angel, they’d never felt anything like this. It was a new and exciting feeling. Something only a human body could experience like this.
“I swear,” they whispered. “One day, you’ll find yourself on your knees for me.”
“Is that so?” Another push. Another desperate gasp for air. The hero’s fingers dug into their biceps and the villain’s heart raged in its cage. It was cruel, very cruel.
They looked down at the knife in their chest, at the dark blood that ran down their body. By now, the hero’s hand was covered in it. A “mortal” had complete control over them and they weren’t even hiding it.
“You foul creature,” the villain said. The problem was that it hurt. It was an indescribable pain. The villain had been through all kinds of things like this throughout the centuries. Hell, they’d been tortured for the majority of them.
But this knife in their chest and this person in front of them were for some reason much more effective.
The hero was — in their own way — admirable. For a human, they were very brave. Their voice was sweeter than forbidden fruit.
Something about them excited the villain. They awoke something inside them. Something very ancient.
“I didn’t know your blood is red. So human,” the hero said. They dug their fingers close to the wound into the villain’s skin and there was nothing else for the villain to do but to grunt pathetically.
“You are full of surprises.” Their lips brushed the villain’s cheekbones until the hero let go of the blade and stared at its place there in the villain’s chest. “My immortality doesn’t look this pretty.”
“You can’t kill me like this,” the villain whispered. “You’re not the only who’s cursed. Not the only one who’s been punished.”
They pulled out the blade and let it fall to the ground, eyes wide. It was a horrible feeling, something they hopefully could forget some day. But the hero didn’t seem surprised.
The blood dropped to the ground and formed a little lake.
Clearly, the wound wasn’t closing right away. The villain knew it would take over an hour for them to see the scar. Usually, the bones would take much longer. Blood wasn’t a problem. They had bled for hours, years, centuries before.
“I would have killed you a long time ago,” the villain said. They put their head on the hero’s shoulder, almost embracing them in a strange hug. “I didn’t know your patience back then. I didn’t know your dedication.”
The hero pulled them closer and the blood dropped down the hero’s stomach as well.
“Do you like it? Do you like the way I am?”
“I do,” the villain said. “You are delightful, even though you try to kill me all the time.”
I want to kiss you. What does it feel like? What does it feel like to kiss someone?
“You know I cannot stop.”
“I don’t want you to. I hated you for that as well. I didn’t see you. But now I do,” the villain said. They could barely breathe. Their damaged lungs were filling up with blood but their self-healing body sew them back together. They were on the edge of drowning the entire time. “And I will keep haunting you.”
It was quite clear to the villain now. For the first time in their life, they had a real desire.
“Then I will keep killing you to lift the curse,” the hero whispered. “I look forward to the next centuries.”
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babiebom · 1 day
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Hello!! Soooo I was reading your headcannons about Shane going with his S/O to the mines and that got me thinking. How would the Bachelors (and maybe also the Bachelorettes) react to a Gn S/O who kicks a slime or other monster in the face which kills it instantly? The Bachelors/Bachelorettes are either shocked or impressed as the S/O explains they just are really good at kicking and could probably break open a rock if they wanted to.
A/N: brother i do not remember writing that but I probably did and forgot bc let’s face it I forget things pretty easily. The bachelorettes will be a separate post because I’m taking too long posting this. Also sorry this is late. Also also my writing has gotten slower because I have taken up making music and have currently a couple songs that I’m working on including one from my farmers pov about Sebastian so y’know with that and work a lot of things are going on lmao. Pt.2 I have a cold again because of work.
Tw: violence, cursing, mentions of death, killing slimes lmao, lmk if I should tag anything else
Bc/Wc: maybe 3 for each. Maybe more? At least 100 words me thinks for each.
Stardew valley Masterlist
Sebastian
Literally just blinks and is like ….okay :|
It’s probably not surprising to him that you kicked a monster to death
Sticks to swinging a bat at them (I think he would have a bat or like a pipe or something) but thinks it’s cool that you have hand to hand…or monster to foot combat down.
Sebastian stares as you kick a duggy to death. It honestly was getting in the way of you digging for treasure and nipping at your ankles every time you weren’t paying attention. It only took one good kick for it to die and as you breathe out a puff of air in frustration, your boyfriend simply nods to himself and continues the search for anything you could donate to the museum.
“Are you gonna say anything?” You ask
He just shrugs in response, “no not really…”
In all honesty he figured you had to have a way to survive down here for hours. While kicking wasn’t the usual way, it did work and that’s all that really matters to him.
Sam
Probably did not realize at first and was like okay yeah cool it’s dead
Then realized and probably shouted VERY LOUDLY
Thinks it’s super cool because WHAT?
The stupid things take SO long to die. You kill them and they just come right back unless you blow it up…or give it a good kick to the face out of annoyance. Sam’s eyebrows raise for a second before he continues to break rocks, wanting to get this adventure over with.
Then comes the excited shouting. He’s holding you by your shoulders, shaking you and yelling words that don’t quite make it to your ears. “Sam, please!” You shout over him, the echoing sounds starting to hurt your head.
“I’m sorry,” he lets go of you but is still bouncing in place, “but that was so cool! I wanna kick things!”
Shane
Openly thinks it’s hot
Is very relieved because he never comes down into the mines and does at least want to know you’re safe
Steals your kicking strategy because it is quicker and more efficient
Do those things ever die? Can a skeleton die? How can a skeleton even be alive if not inside a per-okay they’re kicking it….and it’s dead. Wow.
Shane just stares in slight confusion as his mind races to catch up with the events that just unfolded in front of him. It was kinda fun taking out his feelings on monsters that were technically picking a fight first, but then thinking about the morality and the actual logic of it all distracted him until you actually kick a real life skeleton in the face causing it to finally permanently die. He says nothing to you, but does give you an amused smirk before adopting your strategy as his own. Kicking is way more fun than hitting rocks anyways.
Alex
Secretly thinks it’s hot
Would also try to kick things
Would want to do a playful contest to see how much stuff you two can damage honestly.
It thew Alex off when the rock he had hit with a pickaxe started moving. It threw him off even further when said rock pinched him with its apparent pincers that he didn’t even know it had. His brain completely left his skull when you kicked the thing to death with one good stomp because it had pinched him.
It didn’t even hurt that much because he wasn’t paying any attention to his wound and instead staring at you with what could only be described as adoration. Alex clears his throat and grind at you, “how ‘bout a kicking contest? Winner gets a prize”.
“What prize?” You ask, confused about his reaction. You thought he would be in a little pain at least.
“Whatever the winner decides I guess…” you shake his outstretched hand. This was going to go well for you. Now all there is left to do is think about what you want as your prize.
Harvey
Would be absolutely floored.
Like THIS IS NOT SAFE BUT OH MY GOD IMPRESSIVE
He is never coming into the mines again but at least his anxiety has gone down just a little bit (well went up then down so technically it is lower than previously).
The little thing on the ground wasn’t terrifying in the slightest, but your ferocity in destroying it made Harvey think that it was more serious than he understood it to be. Don’t get him wrong, all of the things in this mine could kill someone easily, but the monster that looked like a big ass worm didn’t really seem like a big deal compared to everything else you two had come across.
His mouth hung open as he stared at you as you glared at the stained spot where the worm thing used to be. “It would’ve turned into a monster that could fly.” You offer as soon as you turn to look at him. He nods and makes a mental note to get you muscle relaxers or something because your legs definitely have to be sore after this.
Elliott
Is MORTIFIED
like he was not expecting you to do that at ALL
The mines aren’t his favorite place and he’s glad you can defend yourself but it’s also TERRIFYING.
Probably will insert this into one of his novels where you’re already a character because it’s hot.
The bouncing little jelly things were more dangerous than Elliott had expected. Sure, he knew to some degree that you being tough was a fact because you were in these mines damn near every day for hours at a time. Whenever you came back home after a trip to the mines, covered in bruises and cuts after midnight, he always felt thankful that you had made it back home alive. But this was more than he expected. If something that looked this harmless could make him feel heavy and tired enough to wanna just lay down and die, how strong were the other monsters that lived in these mines?
Snapping out of his distracted thoughts, he watches as everything happens too quickly in front of him, rendering him unable to help because you got everything under control before he could even think to help. In one second you’re hissing in pain after a slime that you both had missed crashed into you, then the next your foot lifts up and then kicks the slime across the room. The thing splatters into goo on the wall as you check yourself for any serious injuries. Elliott calls out to you in shock, rushing over to also look over you because he wouldn’t be fully calm without checking you himself.
As you two stand in the now empty room, checking each other for any injuries that might make you leave early, Elliott can’t help but think that a sexy strong love interest in his novels is just what he needs to make his work skyrocket in popularity.
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hunn1e-bunn1e · 6 hours
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could I get Dazai x Jessica rabbit male reader? Like reader is taller is feminine and intimidatingly sexy and Dazai endearingly is his “roger rabbit” in this situation, male reader is disinterested in me and woman alike to try to woo him and is polite but firm with he’s not there for you he’s there for someone else. The. Dazai comes strutting in and hangs on male reader’s should with love struck eyes and everyone is like “how the fuck did you end up with him-?” And male reader is like “He makes me laugh”
Dazai Osamu - Jessica Rabbit-Like Male Reader 
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This is ADA Dazai and not PM Dazai since you didn't specify in your ask what time frame you wanted this in. This is my first time writing Dazai so I apologize if I didn't capture his character properly. I also wrote this headcannons in second person for a change, let me know if you like this more than the usual. I hope I did your ask some justice, Anon. —Benny🐰
Warnings -> Suggestive, Mentions of Suicide, Reader will have descriptions that correlate with the character 'Jessica Rabbit'
                                                                                                   
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🎙   When Dazai and [Name] first met, you can imagine what the first thing the bandaged man said to them was, of course, asking to commit double suicide with him. The tall and seductive stranger giggled and declined, thinking the bandaged man was simply making a morbid joke, but he planted a sweet kiss on Dazai's cheek and made his way to down the street and out of the ADA detective's line of sight. The way the taller man's hips swayed as he strutted away had the brunette staring after him with wide eyes, sparkling with interest.
🎙  The two met again and subsequently exchanged contact information as well as planned a date during one of the investigations he was a part of. Something about a murder of a guy that happened in the club that [Name] performed in and the perpetrator being an ability user. After the investigation wrapped up, Osamu made sure to rizz him up and once again coax them into a double suicide, to which they again chuckled at and denied. For the mentioned date, Osamu took them to the movies them out to eat at the Uzumaki Diner before walking them home and being sent off with a kiss.
🎙  Now the two are married; two years going strong. Dazai makes sure to show up to every single performance his husband has at whichever club it happens to be at; often times skipping out on his paper work in order to do so. Dazai does make sure to tell [Name] that he in no way needs to come and see him at the ADA just in case, for their safety. Occasionally though, the seductive club singer does pay the bandaged man a workplace visit; usually dropping him off lunch or just to spend time tigether after being apart for a while.
🎙  Most times [Name]'s visits end up with him sitting sideways on his husband's lap while listening to him talk about his day in an animated fashion. Trailing his index finger up and down Osamu's chest in a slow and sensual way; the natural seductive smile playing on his lips. [Name] smothering the brunette in tons of kisses; leaving prints of his painted lips all over his husband's face and staining the bandages wrapped around his neck. Feeding each other whatever Osamu decided to grab from the vending machine on the other side of the room.
🎙  Speaking of the ADA; those in the agency still can't wrap their heads around how the two got together in the first place. [Name] is a drop dead gorgeous sex symbol of a man who has a flourishing career as a club singer and Dazai is... well himself. Poor Atsushi nearly had a stroke trying to process the two being in a loving and stable relationship. How the bandaged man and his husband interact also seems to leave a few select people feeling painfully single and Dazai absolutely revels in their suffering. The man definitely plays up his interactions with [Name] just to get a rise out of them. When Kunikida asked the tall man just what he saw in his husband he answered that Dazai made him laugh.
🎙  Overall, the two have a very loving and stable relationship. Despite Osamu's want for death, [Name] makes him feel like life may be worth living just a little while longer than he thought. Every night that he spends in his husband's embrace is another night he feels safe, loved and protected from the haunting memories of his past actions and those he's lost. Although... most nights the two of them don't get to sleep until late into the night.~ All Osamu's doing I'm sure, the scoundrel.
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Wanna see similar content? Check out my Masterlist!
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hotchsreader · 3 days
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Small Things
Word Count: 1.5k
Quick little fic about jjxreader
You're having a bad day, and JJ notices. She brings you into her office for a quick talk, a talk happens but so does a kiss...
Link on ao3
Today had been a clusterfuck. Everything you thought you had all planned out for the day started unraveling the minute you stepped through the doors of the BAU. JJ had gone over the case you guys were taking the night before, but since the need to travel wasn't needed due to the case taking place so close to home, the team was able to go home to sleep and get there early to plan the way they were going to handle everything. The problem arose when a new victim had turned up, even though they had gone over everything related to the case and never saw something like this happening. you started to feel like there was something you had missed, and that this girl dying had somehow been your fault. 
“Are you okay?” You heard Spencer behind you, not getting too close to protect you from the others noticing something was wrong.
“Yeah… yeah I’ll be fine Spence. Thanks for asking.” You didn’t even look up at him, you just rearranged a few things on your desk hoping that he would get the hint and leave you alone. You wanted to desperately to be left alone and to deal with things on your own. You were never one to ask for help, and today was not the day you were going to start. 
“Hey.” You heard a softer voice speak behind you. You wanted to turn around and yell in anger but you knew who was there, and you never wanted to hurt her. She meant well and was just checking on you. 
You turned around, with tears in your eyes, and looked at her. She didn’t say another word. She came up to you, grabbed your hand, and led you up the stairs to her office. That was how the two of you worked most of the time, words were no longer needed, and all it took was a second to see how the other was acting to gauge what was needed. JJ knew if you were out there for any longer, you would have a meltdown, and it would absolutely embarrass you to the point of no return if that were to happen. 
As soon as you both entered her office, she set you down in a chair and she sat in the one opposite you. She held your hand and looked up at you, her face a mix of concern and empathy. You hated when people looked at you with concern, you wanted to be the person no one had to worry about, you could handle everything on your own, and JJ knew that. But here she was, worrying about you because no matter how hard you tried to prove to her that you didn’t need anyone to care about you, she refused to listen to you. You wanted to keep your head down and to look at your legs instead of up at JJ but you knew she wouldn’t let you do that. You forced yourself to crane your neck up and look at her, and as soon as you did a tear rolled out of your eye and you flung your hand up to stop it from going any further. 
“What is going on?” She asked, not in a harsh tone, but in one that you knew meant she wanted the truth and not some half-assed answer you would give anyone else. 
“Today didn’t go how it was supposed to JJ, we were supposed to find the Unsub before anything bad happened again. This all feels like I failed somehow. I feel like I was supposed to stop this from happening, I had it all planned out how we were going to catch him but he still managed to take another girl's life before we could.” The last few words came out broken through the sobs that were tearing their way out of your body. You had tried so hard to keep them in, but in front of JJ, it didn’t matter how hard you tried. She had this way about her that made you feel comforted and safe, and your emotions knew you didn’t have to hide around her. She was the type of person who could break down walls you or she didn’t know were there. She was herself, and it brought out the best in everyone around her.
“What happened today was not your fault. It was no one's fault. We cannot fully predict another person’s actions no matter how hard we try. We can try our damnedest but sometimes people act irrationally under pressure and they do things that even we as profilers cannot see happening.” She rubbed her thumb over your knuckles to keep you grounded in what she was saying, to keep you present. You knew from the moment you stepped foot in this office that she would be able to make you combat the hard feelings that were swirling around in your head. 
“Also, asking for help does not make you weak. You are the strongest person I know, even now with tears running down your face, actually especially now.” 
You sighed, “You’re just saying that to make me feel better aren't you?” 
She didn’t smile. She looked stone-faced, which made you a bit nervous, scared that you somehow had made her mad at you, which was the absolute last thing you wanted.
“I am completely serious here. You are a strong person, and your being upset right now shows how much you care about your job and the people you help. That is something that no one can take away from you and something that shows the amount of strength you have to be able to continue to do this job every single day.” She didn’t break eye contact with you the entire time she spoke. Her face had begun to get softer the more she spoke to you, showing how genuine she was about how she felt, about how strong and caring you were.  
You both just sat there for a few moments, you soaking in what she said, and her letting you deal with whatever was going on in your mind. You never really understood why it was so hard for you to ask for help, or why you held yourself to such a high standard. You would never think poorly of one of your teammates for crying or even just having a hard time on a case. You would think they just simply cared about their job enough to still be human and have strong emotions. 
“I know you’re going through your feelings right now, and just know whenever you’re ready to talk, or even if you just want to sit here and be together I can do whatever. I also have some cheese puffs in my drawer over there if you want some.” 
This made you smile, “JJ, you have my favorite snacks in your drawer?”
A blush passed over her cheeks, which filled you almost with a sense of pride that you made her happy. 
“I maybe have your favorite snack in my drawer, and I maybe bought them when you told me what your favorite snack was. I wanted them in case you ever needed or wanted them.” She turned her head away from you for a second and you just sat there and smiled at her.
JJ was the first person on this team to make you feel appreciated and that made you feel a part of the team. She was the type of person who would make every single person in the room with her feel comfortable and allow them to have time to speak. If someone talked over someone around her she would make the point to make sure they got the chance to speak about whatever they were trying to say. She was just simply put, a good person. Of course, she had your favorite snack in her drawer, only she would. 
When she turned her head back to you, you leaned forward and kissed her. It was a soft kiss at first, allowing her to back away if she didn’t feel the same way about you. Once she pressed harder into you and deepened the kiss you knew it was over for you both. The kiss quickly became more passionate. You pressed your hand against her cheek and she ran her fingers through your hand, pulling a bit which made a moan escape your lips. You could feel her smile against your mouth. You went to reach to move her top off of her shoulder when you both heard someone walk by her office and Hotch, your boss, began talking. 
You quickly stood up, began to rearrange your clothes, and fix your hair. You smiled down at JJ who was looking up at you with stars in her eyes. She started laughing a mix of panic and just pure amusement. Neither of you planned for this to happen. It was just a friend helping a friend in need, and then it progressed to what felt like two school girls doing something while the principal was doing his rounds. It honestly was the best thing that came out of this terrible day. You couldn’t have asked for anyone better to make everything feel right again. 
You reached down and kissed JJ on the forehead, “That was…”
JJ didn’t hesitate to finish your sentence, “Yeah.” With a quick smile, you both walked out of her office, knowing you were going to finish that later.
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aihoshiino · 3 days
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chapter 149 thoughts
Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 6
anybody else here unironically love getting yuribaited or just me
Honestly I kind of don't know what to think about this chapter lol. As it stands I didn't really hate it - in a lot of ways, it feels like a return to the humour and emotional focus of early OnK which is something I've honestly been missing in the manga while revisiting the anime. Mengo's art toys chapter was great and getting some proper Akane focus was nice. On the other hand, transitioning into this style of writing with no cushioning after the last arc is so incredibly jarring and the Akane stuff we get here is… well, we'll put a pin in it for now and address it later.
In general "put a pin in it" feels like the right energy for this chapter. As the second chapter of a new arc it's primarily setup for the stuff we're going to be dealing with for the next however long, I think it's going to be something we can really only chew on when we have a more solid idea of what exactly it's setting up, long or short term.
Anyway…! We start off with an explanation of why Kana seemed to flip so suddenly last chapter which does patch up some of that logic a bit. I think it's a little silly that she didn't actually overhear the conversation and thus clue into the actual goings on with how close she was standing but that's basically romance misunderstandings 101 so…
Her leaping to assumptions and giving up so quick also feels a bit abrupt but tbh Kana has always been deeply insecure and quick to leap to it's so over when it comes to her feelings for Aqua. Not only that but as others have pointed out since last chapter, from Kana's outsider perspective, Aqua was at his happiest and most at peace while dating Akane and has been in a mental health spiral to the point of expressing suicidal ideation since they broke up. Obviously we, the readers, know the extenuating circumstances at place but from Kana's POV it makes perfect sense to conclude that Akane makes him happiest and is uniquely equipped to do so. It just feels clunky in execution.
On the subject of clunky… I won't lie, it really bugs me that the first really significant AKKN interaction we're getting is love triangle shit entirely centered on Aqua. One of my biggest complaints about the series post TB was the way the end of that arc set up a huge status quo change to Akane and Kana's rivalry and then kind of failed to expand on it at all and that continued to be true all the way up to the Movie Arc. I'd hoped that them both working in close proximity as actresses on the same project would give us opportunities to dig into that. We got some lip service in that regard and then swerved hard into suddenly hyperfocusing on Kana's insecurities regarding Ruby while Akane got all of zero meaningful focus during the back half of the Movie Arc even though she was one of the characters with the most potential to bring interesting things to the table.
Honestly, one of my biggest fears with Akane's declaration that she'd stop Aqua's plan was that even though the two of broken up, she would continue to orbit Aqua at the expense of being allowed an arc of her own that focused on her relationships with the wider cast. Like - even if what she says about not being romantically interested in Aqua anymore is true, she is nevertheless entirely revolving around him to a really frustrating degree. It really feels like Akasaka realized Akane would have solved everything going on in the Movie Arc and had to panic and offscreen her as a result lol.
tho akane dismissively talking about the idea of clinging onto a past lover did make me do a very mean chuckle. ouch, better hope ruby didn't overhear that one, girl!
That said, for all my complaints, I didn't hate their little talk. Yes, it contained an absolute mountain of transparent-to-the-point-of-cynical KanaKane shipbait but it was pretty gay so who's to say if it's really good or bad or not. It's also just nice to see Kana and Akane being able to have a talk that isn't entirely hostile even if I really wish it was under different circumstances, or even that we'd just seen the road they took to being able to be so civil with each other. But whatever - we're here now, I'll take what I get.
Circling back around a bit, I am intrigued by the idea of Akane framing herself as having 'moved on' from Aqua when she very clearly hasn't lol. Like I indicated up there, I don't quite think this is the case nor do I think we're supposed to uncritically accept this as being the case - it reads moreso to me that Akane is trying to convince not just Kana but also herself that she's moved on from Aqua so Kana doesn't feel like she's in Akane's way if she tries to shoot her shot. As for why… well, that's something to talk about at the end of the chapter but I do think it's interesting either way. Akane wildly overshooting in her scrabble to convince Kana it's totally just platonic and going for sonzoning Aqua was also about the most insane thing she's said in a while but her utterly panicked and deranged expression as she said it made me bust a gut laughing.
In general, the expression work this chapter was on fire and there was a ton of really funny and really cute moments - Akane's blushy pout after Kana's quasi-confession, the fish-eye lens effect on her when Kana sees her outside her door and especially her and Kana's expressions in the second to last page… jesus i lost it so bad.
I've been gushing about Mengo's panelling and expressions for the last ten or so chapters but she really is amping it up lately. It definitely feels like her art for OnK has been getting really refined during the last few volumes and while this chapter was a little whiplash-y coming off the end of the Movie Arc, I also think it's a really impressive display of Mengo's range, too. Her horror and drama chops were on full display while all that was going on but in a more lowkey chapter like this, she brings a lot of life and charm to even simple things like the little montage of everyone wrapping up their day of the beach - it's three silent, tiny panels at the bottom of the page but she crams a ton of detail and character into each one.
I also am Extremely Shrimpterested in the note this chapter ends on. Something OnK does occasionally is use genre trappings as a smokescreen for what is actually happening on page and Akane's words at the end here seem to indicate this is happening here, too. This entire chapter goes extremely hard on the romcom tropes and dynamics but the way Akane's energy totally changes once she's on her own makes me think this is intentional and a reflection of the way Akane is setting up to use Kana.
Because I do think it's undoubtable that she is setting up to use Kana. Her sudden leap to captain of the SS AquKana is not about wholeheartedly supporting two people she loves (at least not primarily) and more about her continued efforts to save Aqua from himself. Kana just happens to be a convenient pawn in making this happen.
If I'm making this sound very cynical and cold of Akane: it is! But that's why I think it's so interesting. Akane is very like Aqua in a lot of ways and seeing this tendency of his to perform cruelty and manipulation to the greater end of doing the most good (or at least in their eyes) mirrored in her is very juicy and potentially very deadly in the hands of someone as smart and perceptive as Akane.
It's also kind of telling and kind of really sad to see Akane asserting that Aqua wouldn't be able to take revenge if he had a girlfriend at his side when that certainly didn't stop him back when he and Akane were dating. It's subtle but it's consistent with just how little faith Akane seems to have ever had in Aqua's feelings for her. Kana's not the only one struggling with long term insecurities in that regard.
I also can't not address the elephant in the room that is the story setting this up while the resolution to whatever the hell is going on with Ruby is still dangling over everyone's heads. I mentioned this last chapter but it really is getting to be bizarre just how much of a nothingburger that has been turned into, not just in terms of the characters' lack of reaction to it but the way the narrative has just entirely failed to give it any weight or significance whatsoever. I can only assume that one of the other girls making a move to pursue Aqua (if it does end up happening) will kick Ruby into action and we'll get god knows what sort of resolution there but a dark and evil part of me that loves to start shit thinks that the funniest possible resolution would be for it to never come up or be referenced ever again just for the sheer frenzy of confusion and bafflement it would cause. everybody loses!!!
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utilitycaster · 2 days
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Re: villain stans, I really do think you're conflating two groups of people and I feel the need to point it out because the art of haterism deserves pinpoint precision. The thing is that I would consider myself, broadly speaking, a villain stan and I also can't stand the people you're complaining about in that post because I think they've missed the point entirely. They've ruined the entire villain-loving ecosystem. I can't even facetiously say "they've never done anything wrong, ever, in their entire life" about characters that may as well be called Murders McWarCrimes, and whose death or comeuppance I am eagerly awaiting alongside everyone else in the fandom, because some of these idiots actually mean it when they say things like that -- and usually about some of the blandest, most disappointing villains I've seen in a long time. It's like passionately defending the storytelling equivalent of a slightly offensive shade of beige.
Look, some of us see the "time to boo and hiss" signs the narrative is putting up, but I'm not looking to experience every story like it's a children's pantomime. Maybe sometimes I want a wrestling match instead. I know the heel is going to lose. That's their job. It's what they're for. But if imagining that they might win is outside the realm of possibility... well, it's probably not a very good story. The stakes are not compelling. There's a reason that I would describe, say, c1 Briarwoods as delicious and c3 Delilah as overstaying her welcome. A good antagonist is a vital part of the story ecosystem and I enjoy seeing that role played well.
But I don't get to relish in characters being terrible people who do terrible things anymore, because now villain fandom is always overrun by people who read one Wikipedia article on moral relativism and want to have debates about what if Murder McWarCrimes is good actually? No! No, they are not! And if they were, that would be stupid and boring!
And so I reach across the metaphorical aisle to you that we may share in one of the hater's greatest delights: the knowledge that no one likes those idiots, and everyone wishes they would just shut up, even the people they think are on their side.
Hey anon,
I will admit usually when I get a long ask telling me I am conflating things I roll my eyes and wait for someone to say "i am feeling uncomfortable when we are not about me" but, the truth is, I very much was, and you are correct to the point that I think we are fully in agreement.
To be clear: I am pro people enjoying themselves in, as you say, the wrestling fan enjoying the heel way! I agree - a good story needs a villain who feels like a genuine threat. I can appreciate a villain for what they are and enjoy them very much as a character! I am personally unlikely in most cases to root for them but people who look at the story, analyze it, and say "this will be a fun guy to care about, even though I know the victory's probably going to the heroes, and I will be normal and not terribly resentful" are entirely valid and my post is not about them (except to say carry on as you were). It sounds like you're in this latter category and so: carry on as you were, you guys are great.
But I am definitely conflating two flavors of annoying villain stan:
the first is, as you very eloquently put it, the Person Who Read One Wikipedia Article About Moral Relativism and ooooooh what if Mr. Murder McWarcrimes was sufficiently sad about bad things in his life such that the murder and war crimes are correct actually.
The second is the person who does understand that they are looking at a villain who is a bad person but seems actively confused that like, a largely hopeful or heroic narrative will probably not end with Mr. Murder McWarcrimes stabbing everyone to death and then evil laughing against a red lightning-filled sky and seems mad that people are like "actually I like Kit the Heroic Hero". Actual Play D&D is not a place where you'll find these people because a TPK is technically possible regardless of the existing themes! But like...for example, I have to imagine theatergoers in 1983 who weren't idiots did not walk into Return of the Jedi like "oh man I think Darth Vader's gonna win the whole thing and he'll blow up everyone and institute more Space Fascism over the nuked out husk of Endor." Like, as you say, the villain needs to have some bite to be worth my time, but deep in my heart, there are stories where I know that victory is assured by the nature of the plot and it's much more about how it will be assured and what sacrifices will be made, and so it's weird when someone seems to be existing in a denial that that's the story and is like NO Mr. Murder McWarCrimes is NOT going to get a comeuppance and everyone is going to DIE at his hand.
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freelancearsonist · 3 days
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all that we see or seem
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➔ Dieter Bravo x AFAB!Reader
➔ 5.7k words
➔ You moved to Hollywood in hopes of chasing your dreams; you get a lot more than you bargained for from your new boss, Dieter Bravo.
➔ Rated MA // dark fic, reader is afab (female anatomy, no pronouns used) and generally able-bodied, age gap (unspecified, reader is younger than dieter), vampire!dieter, blood/both consensual and non-consensual blood drinking, knife use, slight self-harm, gore of the mouth variety, pet names, takes place in 1983 bc i’m a sucker for changing settings
➔ this was requested from this prompt list by the very lovely @sp00kymulderr!! happy birthday darling, sorry this took so long but i hope it's worth the wait <3 thank you so much to @missredherring for this AMAZING header graphic ily 🖤
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Los Angeles is a far cry from the little town you grew up in. It’s a seemingly endless maze, with more possibilities than you ever could’ve dreamed. It’s a little daunting, really. You step off your plane with your suitcase in hand, and you feel like the world is in the palms of your hands.
The harsh reality comes crashing in without warning.
LA is expensive, especially on your own. As the money you’d saved up to get you started dwindles much quicker than expected, your dreams only get further and further out of reach. Life always finds a way to fuck you over, and the city of angels does it quicker than anywhere else. The glitzy neon nightclubs and the glamor of Hollywood swiftly become an omen of doom rather than a beacon of hope. You’re in over your head, but it’s too late to back out now.
Auditions get put on the backburner. You work yourself to the bone as a server in a dumpy little diner, but it’s still barely enough to cover your basic expenses.
You wake up, you go to work, you come home, you go to sleep. The cycle repeats itself so quickly that your days all merge together into one, long, neverending nightmare.
The light at the end of the tunnel appears shortly before the first anniversary of your move. You’re scanning through the paper during your meal break when you see a help wanted ad. It’s normally the type of thing you would ignore, but a few things about it draw you in. The part that really catches your eye is the large, bold letters that proclaim “work closely with one of the biggest names in hollywood!” It seems too good to be true, and certainly something you’re not qualified for. But it could be a start–a way to get your foot through the door of the industry that brought you out here in the first place. Really, what’s the harm in trying?
You go to the library, type up your resume, and mail it in to the address listed in the ad. Realistically, you know that there must be hundreds of other applicants and you probably won’t get so much as a rejection letter back; but the needling little ‘what if’ in the back of your mind gives you a boost of hope that you’ve lived without for an achingly long time.
You get better than a letter–a broad, handsome man shows up at the diner late one night asking for you three days after you drop your resume into the local mail slot at the post office. Janine, the shaggy-haired waitress you work with almost every shift and have sort of become friends with, nudges you excitedly while you’re handing a ticket back to the kitchen.
“Honey, do you know who that is?” She nods her head over her shoulder towards a table in the corner of her section and you try to look over as nonchalantly as possible.
Of course you know who that is. His face is everywhere in this stupid town–magazine covers, billboards, movie theaters. Even with sunglasses obscuring the dark brown eyes that have made thousands swoon, you recognize Dieter Bravo. He’s bigger than Hasselhoff and Swayze combined.
“He’s asking for you,” Janine whispers. “By name. You know him?”
“Not yet,” you answer truthfully. You know without a doubt that he’s here because of your resume and that your entire world is about to change.
You’ve seen him on the big screen before and now you can definitively say that it doesn’t do him justice. He’s more handsome than any man has a right to be. He’s wearing a black hoodie and black trousers, an ensemble that stands out in the brightness of 1983 but yet perfectly complements the tanned tone of his skin. His shoulders could fill a doorway and his smile might actually melt you into a puddle. You can’t help but notice–with a hint of trepidation–that his canines are the sharpest you’ve ever seen, although that thought is quickly pushed from your mind when he greets you by name.
“Your resume is impressive.”
“No it’s not,” you respond with a little laugh before you can stop yourself, then you have to refrain from banging your head into the wall. What a great start to an interview.
But he laughs, and you can’t help feeling you’ve done something right. You’d do a hell of a lot worse just to hear that gorgeously deep, hearty chuckle again.
“Okay, I’ll rephrase. You said all the right things. You’ve got exactly what I’m looking for as an assistant.”
You’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, because this is much too good to be true.
“You’re not from LA,” he states factually. “What brought you here?”
You consider lying–coming up with some story that’s less pathetic than the truth. He’s appreciated your honesty thus far, though, and you don’t want to break a streak. “I wanted to act, but… it’s hard to get started when you don’t have any connections. So I’ve just been kind of… getting by.”
He nods and gives you a look over–assessing, you think. “We all have to start somewhere. But this isn’t an easy job.”
There’s something unreadable in his voice, but you choose to ignore it because you want nothing more than a chance to impress him. It’s not about ‘making it’ anymore; it’s about proving to Dieter Bravo that you’re worth taking a chance on.
“Neither is this,” you reply with a vague wave at the diner around you. “If I’m not covered in fryer grease at the end of the day, it’s a good job to me.”
He chuckles again and it washes over you like fresh water after years of drought. You want more of him–more of his charm, more of his warmth.
“When can you start?”
You ask for two weeks to leave your diner gig on good terms, and he’s gracious enough to accommodate you. As the days tick past, the anticipation ramps up and time seems to move slower. You’ve never been so excited for a new job. Normally, your gut twists with anticipation and your mind swirls with every little minute detail that could go wrong–but not now. No, now you’re just excited. The possibilities of Hollywood finally seem to be within your reach again, and it all starts with this job.
You learn a lot about Dieter within five minutes of starting on your first day. For one, he’s incredibly personable. He greets you himself and vows to show you the ropes. There’s no third party to teach you everything you need to know, it’s just him. Just the two of you. You appreciate that immensely, because you’ll be serving him directly as his assistant. There’s no better person to learn from when it comes to his desires and routines than the man himself.
Two, he wears many different masks. It’s a little spooky, the way his demeanor changes depending on who he’s dealing with. He can be the sweetest, most charming man you’ve ever spoken to, then turn to a producer and be a complete hardass all in the name of getting things done. He knows exactly what persona he needs to wear for each person he interacts with–it’s all very calculated. You suppose all actors have to be capable of that; the mark of a good thespian is being instantly able to pretend you’re someone you’re not.
Still, it’s a little chilling. If you didn’t see it in some form or another with every person you meet on set, you’d be a little concerned. Dieter just makes it look like adaptation–fitting into his surroundings as a means of staying afloat. He’s been in this industry for a long time, he knows what works; and, subsequently, what doesn’t.
As far as the job goes, it’s a nice change of pace from what you’ve become accustomed to. You spend nights on set with him, fetching his coffee order or running little errands while he’s busy shooting. The hours aren’t unreasonable, and it pays double what the diner did. Now that you’re not struggling to get by financially, you have the free time you need to start pursuing your dreams again.
You have only Dieter to answer to, which is a definite learning curve. Directors, producers, and even other actors chase after your favors, but Dieter tells them unequivocally to fuck off. You’re his–it’s a heady feeling each time he  reasserts it. It makes for easy work when you’re not being pulled in thirty different directions simultaneously. He asks for what he needs when he’s around and he gives you a list of tasks to complete when he’s not. He’s a little eccentric–he tells you he can only work after dark because his eyes are sensitive–but it’s nice, falling into a routine after so long of working unconventional hours at a job where no two days are the same.
Still, as days turn into weeks by his side, you wonder exactly what version of Dieter he’s presenting to you. Which face is the most authentic? You want to believe he’s himself with you, but you’re not quite naive enough to convince yourself of that. The thing that bothers you the most is that you want him to feel comfortable enough to drop the facades around you. You want to get to know the real Dieter Bravo, underneath all the masks. But you also swore to yourself, when you accepted this job, that you would be nothing but professional–and wanting to get to know him so intimately is definitely a step beyond just being his employee.
To his credit, he’s strictly professional–even if you wish he wasn’t at times. There’s a lot of rumors and gossip about him, about his hedonism and the life he supposedly leads at night, but you don’t see that facet of him. With you, he’s friendly, kind, and respectful. He’s the perfect gentleman–and that’s how you know that you’re not getting a full glimpse of the real him. There’s too much contradiction between the rumors and the Dieter that you interact with. 
No matter how straight-laced you try to be, you can’t help wondering what it’ll take to get a look at the real Dieter Bravo.
You think he starts to peek through when Dieter asks if you would be willing to work longer hours and be more of a personal assistant than a production assistant. You know him inside and out, he tells you, and it would be a pain in the ass to teach a whole new person how to deal with his errands. He even offers you a sizable raise when you pretend to be contemplating it, like you weren’t bursting at the seams to say yes before he even finished asking. 
The sad–maybe even pathetic–truth of the matter is that you’re falling for him. Every facet of his charm, from his darkly passionate eyes to his easy humor, have you completely bewitched and ready to ignore the way your hair stands on end each time his gaze meets yours. You’ll take any small fraction of him that you can get.
He eases you into your additional duties, at least; that much can be said in his favor. He starts you out with small tasks, like ordering his groceries and picking up his dry cleaning. Dieter’s so kind and patient as he explains how he likes everything done–he’s particular, but not unreasonable. He even gives you a grand tour of his home so you can see exactly where and how he likes everything done–it’s like finally getting that real glimpse of him that you’ve been hoping for.
His Sherman Oaks mansion looks like something straight out of a Bram Stoker novel on the outside, yet the inside is a testament to the warm side of his personality that you’re more familiar with. It’s decorated in shades of orange and red, with patterns that are a little out of date but still manage to feel intentional. It gives the impression of someone who was more comfortable and sure of himself in the 70’s, or at least someone who hasn’t quite adjusted to the new trends that came with the turn of the decade. The walls are covered with art–most of it signed with his familiar “DB” in the bottom right hand corner. It’s neat, but not so neat that it feels staged. It fits the Dieter Bravo that you know perfectly, and it even starts to feel like home to you when you start spending more time there with him.
There’s never anyone else around when you’re there. For someone who has a reputation for throwing the liveliest parties in all of Hollywood, he doesn’t actually do a lot of partying. Not when you’re around, at least. It’s almost like he’s trying to hide that aspect of himself from you. If he has to host, he sends you home early or lets you know in advance that you’re getting a paid night off. You’re almost disappointed–parties have never really been your thing, sure, but you feel like you need to experience at least one of his.
Plus, people are starting to talk. You hear it on set first; his co-stars whispering about how he’s gone soft, how he’s gotten boring. Even the tabloids are starting to wonder if they’ve seen the last infamous Dieter Bravo party, which were once highly coveted and exclusive events. The few times he’s hosted lately have been small, quiet affairs–definitely not the big, star-studded shebangs that he’s gained a reputation for.
A rumor even starts circulating that he’s finally decided to settle down with a nice girl, which makes your stomach twist with a little green monster that shouldn’t be there. He’s your employer, you reason. That’s all. No matter how friendly he is, no matter how much he flirts with you, no matter how much he compliments your perfect cup of coffee, that’s all he is. Your boss. And yet, despite your constant self-assertion, your brain just can’t seem to accept it. You know you shouldn’t want anything more than that, and yet you just can’t seem to stop yourself from hoping.
“What’s going on with you?”
You’re in the midst of trying to sort through the files in his upstairs home office so you can find out when his insurance needs to be renewed when you hear the voice, loud and clear due to the open floor plan downstairs. Sound travels like crazy up the double-wide staircase with Dieter’s office door right at the top. You couldn’t shut it out even if you wanted to–and you don’t. God help you, you’re a little nosy and a little curious.
“Nothing.” That’s Dieter’s voice, but you don’t recognize the other.
“Bullshit. You’re not yourself.” It’s a deep, rich tone that you’ve never heard before and it immediately has your interest hooked. Dieter doesn’t get many visitors, much less such purposeful ones. Most people like to schmooze him, but evidently not this unidentified man.
“I’m trying to be different,” Dieter explains half-heartedly. “It’s time I cleaned up a bit.”
“No. Cleaning up your act is nothing more than a good way to get yourself caught. Things happen in the party climate, that’s how you fit in. Things don’t just happen to nice rich actors.”
Caught? Caught doing what, exactly? You creep closer to the open door on light feet, curiosity peaked.
Dieter sighs, and you can hear the exhaustion in his voice. “I’m tired.”
“So what are you going to do? Just give up? Waste away after… how long?”
“Maybe I should,” Dieter retorts–there’s grit in his tone now, maybe even bitterness. “Maybe I never should’ve taken the deal in the first place. You don’t see how fucked up this all is?”
“So, what? You’ve gotten everything you could’ve possibly wanted, and now you’re tired of playing the game? Pathetic.” There’s a sneer in the tone of this unidentified speaker and you don’t like it. You want to jump to Dieter’s defense, but something tells you this is a conversation that you shouldn’t be eavesdropping on.
“Whatever, man,” Dieter scoffs dismissively.
There’s noise downstairs now–a slight thud and what sounds like Dieter grunting as if the wind has been knocked out of him. 
“What changed?”
“Fuck off,” Dieter spits.
“What. Changed?”
“You weren’t fucking honest with me.”
“Bullshit,” the stranger growls back. “You knew exactly what you were getting into.”
“No, you said everything I wanted, that was the deal. Remember?” It’s quiet for a long moment, and you wonder if Dieter’s pacing. He does that, when he starts to get stressed. “I’m still alone, though.”
“That’s your own fault,” the stranger replies–voice a little softer now. “I didn’t say I would hand you your dreams on a silver platter. You make your own destiny. Surely it hasn’t been so long that you’ve forgotten that little qualifier.”
“I can’t bring someone else into this shit and you know it,” Dieter replies. The venom is gone from his voice now–he just sounds done. Exhausted and spent.
“You can, but you won’t.” There’s a moment of silence, then a heavy sigh. “Start acting like yourself again before you raise too much suspicion.”
“Fine,” Dieter sighs heavily. 
There’s a few long moments of silence, and then you hear the heavy solid oak front door shut. Presumably the guest has gone, and while you’re eager to sneak down and see if you can catch a glimpse of who it might’ve been, it’s far too risky with Dieter down there. Something tells you that he should never find out about the way you just eavesdropped on that conversation. You don’t know who he was talking to, or what kind of deal they were discussing–you just know that it’s serious, and definitely above your paygrade.
“Did you find that paperwork?”
You didn’t hear Dieter come upstairs–his sudden question from right behind you makes you jump and whirl around to look at him. You fight to keep your calm as you catch your breath; the last thing you want to do is clue him in that you overheard his conversation with his unknown guest.
“Yeah, I’ve got it right here,” you answer after a thick gulp.
“You’re a doll,” he proclaims with a wide smile. How easily he picks up the face he wears with you after a conversation that clearly upset him. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Don’t thank me yet,” you hum with a smile. “This entire room is a nightmare. It’s a miracle you ever find anything. You need to get, like… some filing cabinets. At the very least.”
“I’ll, uhh… get right on that,” he says in a way that makes you sure he definitely won’t get right on it.
Despite the nerves still thrumming through your veins, you laugh. “I’ll take care of it.”
“You’re a doll,” he repeats with his trademark grin. “Oh! Hey, uhh… you have tomorrow off. Paid, obviously.”
“Why?” You ask before you can think better of it. 
He seems surprised–you don’t normally ask questions, especially about paid vacation days. “Work stuff I gotta take care of. No big deal.”
“Okay,” you answer with a slight frown. “Sure I can’t help?”
He actually does seem to be contemplating it for a moment–his eyes scan over your body, and it’s like he’s considering you more than the actual offer. “No, honey, I’ll be okay.”
“Okay.” You take a short breath, then head towards the door–this was the last task on your list for the night. “Anything else you need before I head out?”
He thinks for a moment, then shakes his head as he follows you down the stairs. “No. Thanks, sweetheart.”
You feel heat fluttering underneath your skin at the pet name–he uses them often and they never fail to make your heart pick up pace. It’s like he can tell, because his eyes linger on your lips for a moment before trailing down to the pulse point on the left side of your neck. You wonder for a second if he can actually see it beating, but you quickly push that ridiculous thought away.
“You’re sure there’s nothing I can do for you tomorrow?”
His eyes are still trained on your neck like he’s completely zoned out or something. You watch as his tongue slowly glides over his bottom lip, trance-like; it makes your breath hitch in your throat.
“Yeah,” he whispers after a long moment–he’s standing so close now, you didn’t even notice him closing in. “I’ll call you if anything comes up.”
“Okay.” You want nothing more than to grab him and pull him in, to kiss him like your life depends upon it. He sounded so upset and every bone in your body is screaming to comfort him. The way he’s looking at you right now, you don’t think he’d mind at all. 
Instead you take a deep breath, grab your bag from the bench next to the door, and bid him goodnight.
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Dieter doesn’t seem to realize that you’re always working, whether you’re on the clock or not. Even on ‘off’ days, you get loads of calls for scheduling requests and other tasks. Your saving grace is your trusty day planner—it holds both of your schedules, all neatly color-coded for maximum efficiency.
The worst thing you could’ve done on a weekend leading up to awards season is leave it in Dieter’s home office—and yet, as you frantically dig through your tote bag and your desk, that seems to be exactly what you’ve done.
You know Dieter’s got whatever event he’s hosting at home, but you can’t keep taking calls and scribbling notes on napkins without your schedule in front of you. The last thing you want to do is overbook him at a time where every single interview counts.
With a heavy sigh, you dial Dieter’s home number. It rings for what seems like eternity, and just as you’re about to hang up an unfamiliar voice answers.
“Hello?”
With a sigh of relief, you ask, “Hi, is Dieter there?”
“He’s busy.” The voice is high and sweet, yet her tone says she couldn’t be more irritated.
“Okay… umm, it’s kind of important.”
The stranger sighs dramatically. “I can take a message.”
“I just… I left something there, and I need to come get it as soon as possible. But I don’t want to interrupt anything.”
This time when she speaks, her tone is considerably more friendly. “Oh! Yeah, come on over. The more the merrier!”
You can’t help your intrigue, although you really don’t want to intrude without Dieter’s say-so. “Are you sure? I could always come tomorrow, I guess.”
“No no, come! It’s a party, everyone’s welcome!” Then the line goes dead without any further discussion.
You consider redialing in the hopes of speaking and clearing your visit with Dieter, but you doubt you’ll actually get through to him–and really, what harm would a quick visit do? You know exactly where you left it, on the desk in his office. It’ll be five minutes tops, a quick in and out. He might never even know that you’d been there.
You shake off the curious sense of foreboding that overtakes your mind as you grab your keys and lock your apartment door behind you.
It’s a twenty minute ride to Dieter’s house–a lot of time to spend thinking. At the forefront of your mind is that peculiar conversation you overheard last night; you’re not entirely sure why, really. Whoever that man was sounded almost as if he was in some kind of position of power over Dieter, and you don’t have even an educated guess at who that could possibly be. Dieter’s his own boss and he doesn’t take bullying–you’ve never heard someone get away with bossing him around like that before. He’s constantly in some weird form of pissing match with the directors and producers of whatever film he’s working on; he’s never seemed to be good at taking orders, even when he’s supposed to. You’ve heard many a rant about how much he values the ‘freedom of expression’. It all serves to make the mysterious visitor more confusing. Who does Dieter have to answer to?
The cab pulls up in front of his gated home before you’re able to find a plausible answer. You instruct the driver to keep the meter running since you’ll only be a minute before you step out into the crisp late-January air.
The grounds are a lot quieter than you expect them to be as the guard on duty opens the gate and closes it behind you. One thing Dieter’s famous for is noise–his parties are always reported as loud and exciting affairs akin to the fraternities in his favorite movie Animal House. There's no noise at all today, though, and it makes you curious. Is it really a party? Or was the stranger who answered the phone maybe his only guest? If the latter is the case, why would she want you to join in?
There’s a pale man in a cheap-looking suit waiting just inside the door, a tray of filled wine glasses in his gloved hands. “Take one,” he instructs, his eyes distant like he’s looking through you rather than at you.
“Oh, no thank you, I just need to–”
“Take one,” he repeats. “Master’s orders.”
Master? Of course Dieter would be into that. 
The wine is a deep red, probably that expensive vintage shit that he’s always raving about. You prefer the grocery store stuff yourself, not just because it’s all you can afford. A drink never hurts, though, and you could certainly use something to take the edge off–because that tingling sense of foreboding has only gotten stronger since your arrival.
You take a glass and swirl its currant-colored liquid around. It seems more viscous than any wine you’ve had before–probably a mark of its age, but that’s just guesswork on your part. You take a small sip, then nearly gag. It’s like drinking a pile of melted pennies. You swallow it down with a grimace anyway since you don’t want to make a scene of spitting it out in front of the server. It leaves a metallic taste in your mouth that you’re eager to wash out–thankfully, the kitchen is on your route to the stairs. You quickly deposit the glass on a table once you’re out of the server’s eyesight, then head down the hall in a desperate search for water.
Once you’re out of the foyer, there are people everywhere. Very subdued people, at that–draped over furniture like throw blankets, some even laying on the floor. You consider checking one’s pulse until he twitches and lets out a muffled groan. Clearly high on something, you’re just not sure what. You nearly trip over one person and they actually hiss at you like some kind of feral cat. Your skin starts to crawl with every step you take. Even more important than your discomfort, though, is finding Dieter. What if he’s like this, too? Do you need to call someone?
You notice a dull ache starting in your gums as you make it to the kitchen–thankfully you’re familiar with his home, and you have a glass of water in your hands within no time. It seems that no matter how much you drink, though, that coppery-bloody taste never leaves your mouth. What the hell was that stuff?
There’s a short-haired blonde woman propped up against the wall underneath the mounted phone; she reaches out a lazy hand in some sort of greeting. She looks vaguely familiar, like someone you might’ve seen on the set of one of Dieter’s films.
“You made it!” She says with a lazy smile. She must be the woman you spoke to earlier, although you’re not sure how she can identify you.
“Yeah. Where’s Dieter?” The longer you’re here, the more worried you become. Something isn’t right, and your skin is prickling with apprehension.
“Upstairs,” she murmurs, then her eyes flutter shut and she slumps a little further down. She’s visibly breathing, at least. 
For a moment, you consider picking up the phone and ringing the police. Would that cause more harm than good? Dieter must be aware of what’s going on here–you know you should talk to him before you do anything.
Your mission to find your planner momentarily forgotten, you make your way through the living room towards the stairs.
You check the office at the top first–there’s a few bodies zonked out on the couch, but none of them are Dieter. With trepidation in your very soul, you make your way down the hall. Each room is more of the same–people in varying states of unrest, no sign of the man you’re looking for. Most of them have red-stained lips and you eye more than one smashed glass along your journey. Your own mouth is starting to get alarmingly sore, but you ignore it in favor of finding Dieter.
Each step you take drives your worries deeper into your skull. What if something’s happened to him? What if he’s knocked out like all of his guests, or hurt, or something worse?
This is the first time you’ve breached the bubble of his bedroom. None of your work has ever involved this room, and while you’re a naturally nosey type of person, there’s something deeply personal and sacred about the space someone sleeps in. 
Ignoring the steady throbbing in your gums, you knock once before pushing open the door.
Dieter’s alone in his room, sprawled out like a starfish in a sea of rumpled sheets at the center of his massive bed. Something akin to a groan of horror escapes your throat as you see the state he’s in. He’s paler than a corpse and drenched in sweat, chest barely rising and falling with breath.
For a moment, you’re frozen in place. Your entire body breaks out in a cold sweat as you notice the knife in his right hand and the deep gash in the crook of his left arm, right where an IV would normally be set. You can smell the blood draining from him, you can even taste it in the air–or maybe that’s just the lingering taste of whatever you drank downstairs.
Your stomach churns violently with the sudden realization of what you’ve done, of what you’ve drank.
“Dieter!” You manage to choke out while your brain tries to remember how to send the signals required for your body to fucking move. 
He lifts his head shakily, brown eyes widening after a long moment of trying to recognize the face he’s looking at. “No no no,” he whispers hoarsely, “you’re not supposed t-to be here. You’re.. y-you’re supposed to be a-at home.”
A sharp, shattering pain in your top gum snaps your brain back into action. In a flash you’re crawling across a seemingly endless desert of mattress and it feels like you’ll never reach him. Everything is moving so slowly–each movement seems to take a hundred times the effort it should.
You spit out a mouthful of blood as the pain heightens, barely registering the two upper canines that go with it.
“What the fuck have you done?” You sob, uselessly pawing at his slashed left arm. It’s a precise cut straight across the artery–your hands are sticky and soaked with red the moment you touch him. Pressure, your brain screams at you. Put pressure on the wound.
“A real artist must suffer,” he mumbles weakly–then, even quieter, “I didn’t want to be alone anymore.”
“You’re dying.” Your voice doesn’t sound like your own anymore. It’s higher, breathier. 
“You drank it, d-didn’t you?” He asks, ignoring your statement. His distant eyes are trained on the sharp fangs that have pushed your canines out. “Fuck. Fuck! You were n-never supposed to…”
“Shut up, shut up,” you plead. Every shaky breath seems to cost him years. “How do I fix this? How do I fix you?”
“Thirsty,” he mumbles. There’s water on the sideboard, your brain reminds you. You don’t even remember bringing the glass with you, much less setting it down. Everything is so fuzzy. Your arm doesn’t move nearly as fast as it should when you reach for the glass, and Dieter’s hand weakly comes up to stop you.
“Not water,” he croaks. “Need… need…”
He can’t seem to form the words required to tell you what he needs. He doesn’t have to, though. You know.
“You’re not dying on me, Bravo.” You take the knife from his slack right hand before he can stop you and grit your sore teeth together as you slash it across your palm.
“N-no, don’t…” But he doesn’t resist as you hold your bleeding palm to his mouth. His empty eyes flash back to life with the first taste, and then he takes your hand in his own and drinks greedily. You watch with nothing short of disbelief as the cut on his arm seals itself right before your eyes.
“You were supposed to stay away from this,” he murmurs as his tongue sweeps across your palm. “Why the fuck are you here, baby?”
You don’t even remember anymore. Everything is hazy, everything hurts. It’s a chore just to keep your eyes open.
“Damn it,” he growls–pushing your hand away from his blood-smeared mouth seems to take all his willpower. “I never wanted this for you.”
“It’s okay,” you murmur as you slump down against his sheets. They’re so soft and light, and you want to cocoon yourself in them for the rest of time. “It’s just a dream.”
“Why’d you have to come save me? Huh?” His voice sounds so far away that you’re not even sure he’s really speaking. 
“I love you.” It’s okay to say that, because he’ll never actually find out. It’s just a dream, after all; you’ll wake up in the morning confused but totally okay.
“You were never supposed to,” his voice echoes from some plain of existence far, far away. “Damn it honey, stay awake just a minute longer.”
You try, but your eyes are so heavy. He sighs heavily, as if he knows it’s useless.
“Promise you’ll still love me when you wake up,” he pleads through the tunnel that separates you.
Nodding saps the last of your strength, so you let your eyes flutter closed. “Okay.”
You feel his lips against yours and his coppery kiss nearly brings you back from the verge of sleep. In the end, though, your throbbing head wins. Sleep takes hold quickly despite your feeble resistance. 
How strange it is to fall asleep in a dream.
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perfectfangirl · 1 day
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notes after rewatching fallout s1 ep2
• dogmeat's introduction 🥺 • the enclave being shown as supremely evil because how could you incinerate live puppies 😭 • i want more backstory on siggi because i am curious if this is change of heart or like a mole • the super mutant hand needs to go from easter egg to reality next season forreal • i noticed siggi was drinking whiskey? to numb the paid of putting that cold fusion chip in his head--- i also wonder if he was drinking because he knew he wasn't going to make it • saw on reddit someone asking so it's the enclave who has cold fusion? and i'm still a bit confused about that because... i was thinking moldaver had something to do with its creation but then siggi knew exactly who lucy was... if the enclave is supposed to be a continuation of the pre war us government, then it feels like there's more tying the enclave and vault tec together than i thought
• in the escape scene, it seems like the other scientist knew siggi was betraying the enclave, but how? if they have cold fusion, was it obvious he was "stealing" it and trying to give it to someone else? maybe i have gaps in my knowledge here • siggi genuinely does seem like he's trying to do the right thing though 🥲 • dogmeat seeing that guy try to harm siggi and dogmeat fuckin' him up ❤️ •game dogmeat being referred sometimes as a boy and show dogmeat being a girl lol [love the gender doesn't matterism here gldfgld]
• the people who are enslaved work at the enclave being held there and escape meaning death • if these are namibia scenes where lucy is treking, they are breathtaking, wonderful worldbuilding • lucy seeing a tumblewwd for the first time and going "the heck?" but then i like, remember she doesn't really know what "wind" is 😭 [and this also subverts the "tumbleweed blowing in the wind through a desert or desolate place" trope, i'm sorry but this a masterclass in comedy lmao] • her coming across me bodies but this time skeletons at a dinner table, a family of four i believe, all having taken poison, vault tech brand [a chilling scene but fallout is known for their hilariously placed skeletions so there's one with a cup of dirt in front of it] • probably the first time lucy is being confronted by hank and/or vault tec's lies, depending • lucy setting a [camp] fire, and me recognizing immediately it was a bad move [i watch too much stuff 💀] • i honestly' can't believe she took off her pip boy • dogmeat finding lucy 🥺 • it was destiny in so many ways because dogmeat is tearing that radroach the fuck up • siggi giving like a monologue in the most unsettling voice ever was so funny to me • siggi trying to tell her these animals [if you can call them that] up to are insane and genuinely in the nicest way possible trying to tell her she should go home • "question is, will you still want the same things when you have become a different animal altogether?" is some crazy foreshadowing • the cold fusion capsule glowing as he walks away • lord titus being an asshole and maximus doing the same to thaddeus lmao • lord titus "wanting to shoot something" and his stupidity leading to his own demise • [i like neither lord titus or the actor that plays him so dkfsdkgd] • dogmeat going into the yao guai den and coming back with a hand like it was sharing it with them 😭 • maximus being continuously disrespected and knocked down a peg, he doesn't deserve this 😞 • insane how close and somehow inadvertently hot on the trail lord titus and maximus was for siggi and dogmeat • learning squires appears to be a dime a dozen and that's one reason lord titus sent maximus deeper into the cave, the other is that he was scared • maximus seemed to be both disillusioned and struck with fear watching the yao guai attack lord titus--- so it was almost breathtakingly offensive when lord titus decided to blame maximus for everything and wanting him like, court martialed almost for this incident, despite maximus being small of gunned and armourless, despite them both being scared, lord titus blames maximus for lord titus' own failings • "this wasteland fucking sucks!" love that running motif • anyways glad that guy died, next! • lmao this very disgusting man in a diaper or something being thankful lucy didn't shoot him but also drinking all her water 😭 • lucy getting a taste of wasteland selfishness and desperation gdfgdgfd • maximus belongs in a power suit • this chicken fucking man having the elixir to immortality or regeneration or whatever it is 😭 • and the chicken farmer, in a cameo, is a makeup designer and props department person 🙂 • in a beautiful shot, it looks like lucy is in the famous car forest or a replica of it • her trying to be convivial and people just not having it 😢 • filly is very fallout and i assume gamers enjoyed this scene because • everyone is in bizarre and comical mad max style outfits, iguana meat • so i just read filly was named because it's a landfill but also there's the fact it was filmed in an airplane and automobile graveyard outside new jersey [close to philadelphia] and that there is a fillmore, california • also saw where it's modeled to look a lot like megaton and i thought this on first viewing • i didn't even realize cooper was already shown sitting and waiting, the crossing of paths was crazy • lucy seeing degeneracy first hand 💀 • lucy seeing weird shit and smiling because she, too, is weird
• cooper mysteriously and sexily watching from afar after cornering his bounty • "barv get in here" not ma june calling her friend to come and point and laugh at lucy • moldaver being ma june's client and that's why she shuts lucy down so fast after she asks about that pip boy • ma june saying lucy got all ten fingers, damn the writers were so • "i know that it can't have been easy for you up here, what with all the murder and the dirt" lmao lucy please • lucy realising vault tec's demonic saviour complex is very hard to preach about to wastelanders, people who have survived for centuries and without the help of the vaulties • lucy really is from the rich part of town because ma june was so insulted by her lies, she took her gun out • cooper, siggi, lucy intersecting was so crazy though • kind of wondering why siggi didn't wear a disguise as a wanted man • siggi trying to ne nice and warning lucy to leave versus ma june harshly reminding cooper him and his ghoul kind aren't wanted in filly • getting chills that siggi is explaining to lucy what her vault experiment basically was as i didn't see it as that on first watch • siggi was telling her to go home because if someone smart realized who she was or where she came from, all hell would break loose • ok so cooper says the bounty went out from all six agencies but i could only think of three, wondering who they all are • ma june mentions she was given caps for siggi's safe transport out fo filly, cooper mentioning a bidding war, is that why he shot siggi's leg clean off [probably did because bounty was dead or alive] • ma june getting people clipped by putting caps on whoever can take cooper down first ? • cooper smiling as all them people descend on him because this is the "the love of the game" shit he was talkin' bout ?￰゚メタ • "all this murder makin' me hungry" cooper essentially • him eating those cherry tomatoes and then paying for them ? • almost forgot cooper actually did get shot multiple times and kept goin', ghouls are somethin' else • noticing cooper gave ma june a nonlethal leg shot versus basically sending siggi to his demise with his • cooper stabbing not shooting dogmeat • cooper was about to shoot but lucy's candor and mortality was a breath of fresh air, he was so shook lmao • he was so charmed, he kept walking, leaving him open to her shooting him in quite literally his heart [ok symbolism] ?, smiling and everything • "well now that is a very small drop in a very, very large bucket of drugs" lmaooo they created ultrajet for ghouls because jet isn't strong enough for them • lucy being immediately impressed with the t60 • i hate maximus had to lie because this was so "knight in shining armour" but why did he reveal his face to lucy knowing if the brotherhood of steel had found out this early about what he did, he'd be dead meat like • cooper almost shot that girl like three times ldgld • i genuinely think the tranquilizer effected him but just a tinsy bit • siggi saying he could still make the trip and ma june saying he'd be lucky to make it to breakfast ? • jim's limbs has be cracking up every time • them installing that robo leg onto siggi is the most gory and disgusting scene to me and i hope it gets worse • something oddly sweet about siggi saying lucy can take him to moldaver after nearly begging lucy to go back home for her own safety, she put her life on the line to save him ? • cooper getting mopped by maximus in that power suit sends • i didn't realize after maximus made cooper fall, cooper says "goddamn, that hurt" ? • "you drive that thing like a fucking shopping cart" and it's a power suit gldgfld • that snake oil salesman really was telling the truth, he maybe could've healed siggi • cooper petting dogmeat while giving them a stimpak, cooper showing a genuine smile while doing so • siggi really lost too much blood and i thought this back in filly • siggi saying the cynanide pill from vault tec was the most humane thing they produced, pre war was a dark time
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acourtofthought · 1 day
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“But the examples we're given of a bond immediately snapping haven't had happy endings.”
You get it!
This will always be the problem with Elucien. Every other couple has gotten to know each other or fallen in love first, and then the mating bond snapped/was revealed later on. By doing so, the mating bond isn’t forced or seen in a negative light, because at that point, it’s happily welcomed by the couple. It’s authentic.
Yet a mating bond snapping first without the couple getting to know each other does not allow for those same positive connotations. It’s akin to a non consensual arranged marriage.
There can never truly be choice, because a higher-power has willed it before the character (such as Elain) even knew the other person existed (Lucien). For example, if Elain decides to pursue Lucien, how can we ever be sure that she would do that if the mating bond wasn’t present? How can we ever be sure that Elain truly loves Lucien, or if it’s just the pulling and tugging of the mating bond pushing them together? We know that’s not the case for all other mated couples, but only because we saw their friendship and passion and pining and love for one another before the mating bond came into play.
There is also a grave threat tied up in all of this - that Elain rejecting Lucien would send him mad and doom him to a life of insanity. Elain is a kind enough person, and likely wouldn’t want that for him. So is she only willing to seek out Lucien because she feels there’s no other option? It’s messy.
SJM might have a pattern of writing mated couples. But she herself was the one who wrote Elain as being cold to Lucien. She herself wrote that not all mated couples are a good fit, and that the bond can be rejected (concepts she barely touched on in CC and TOG).
And there’s one pattern SJM writes even more… and that’s ensuring that her FMCs have the freedom to choose, and to reject destiny and fate, if they so desire.
Ahhhh..but here is the thing.
SJM does write a certain pattern and that pattern is not just about love interests.
If it was only about love, Chaol and Celaena would have ended up together. They had love, did they not?
Or Feyre would have ended up with Tamlin. She was going to marry him after all.
Or Graysen would have loved Elain regardless of her being turned fae.
There's all sorts of love that happens for the FMC but the only thing that truly matters is a love that also helps her further her destiny, to achieve greatness.
How can she achieve greatness when Az never once offered to show her how to handle TT and did not offer to help her reacquaint herself with her powers?
How can she achieve greatness when Az doesn't give her credit for the bravery she's already shown?
How can she achieve greatness when he said she shouldn't be exposed to the trove?
Az wants Elain to be as Tamlin wanted Feyre to be and we all know how that turned out.
Also, love did not really come first for the other characters. They felt a tug to their mates the entire time but weren't sure why that was. It upset Feyre so much to learn of it that she disappeared on Rhys for days. It actually takes away a characters agency more to not know about their bond because they think that their interest is coming from an organic place when it was in fact fate pulling them together all along and they were a puppet on a string in some ways.
Of course there was also choice but I think you're silly if you believe those relationships were 100% authentic. In the end, they had love and a bond but let's not fool ourselves by claiming the bond wasn't calling the shots at times, that it wasn't the bond driving their desire to be near the other person. At least Elain and Lucien knew up front about their bond and if love comes after they'll know that they had a choice. Where after the bond snapped, they went on to do their own thing, we witnessed their agency when Elain considered a fling with someone else and then they chose to be together after it all.
With Feyre, she fell for Rhys then found out about the bond, never knowing until then why it was always him. At that point, after she believed she was in love, that is when she had to question whether she was really in love or whether the bond made her feel that way.
And did Nesta happily accept her bond when she found out about it? If memory serves she got into a big fight with Cassian over it causing her to call in their bargain, requesting he go away which is what led to the events of her being forced into the Rite.
It's a lot worse to fall for someone and then wonder if your feelings are real or driven by the mating bond over having your eyes wide open every step of the way.
P.S. It's really pathetic that this is supposed to be your ships month yet you're spending time sending hate anons on a post that was tagged Pro Elucien, Elucien and Pro Lucien Vanserra.
Though I guess when you can't celebrate a mating bond for your couple during any of the 31 days, I understand why you'd be so jealous of Elain and Lucien's.
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brokenpieces-72 · 3 days
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It would be great for some fluff, maybe even have Farah and Alex join in on the fluff. No pressure :)
I’m gonna admit right now that I requested this request. I like getting requests and at the time I am writing this I’ve got some stuff going on that makes me feel like crap so in a way this fluff is beneficial to me as well.
For some extra context, this takes place in the COD Gangster AU.
……………….
You’ve had shitty days before and today is no different. You’re tired, exhausted and just want to go home. Go to your room and curl up and maybe cry a little. But someone finds you before you can make it there.
Kyle notices you acting awfully quiet at the pub, while you help with unloading small crates. Your sighs and muttering are clear. You’re upset, so when everything is moved he takes a detour back home. Gets you your favourite food, asking to make sure you get it exactly how you like it. He doesn’t take you straight to the hide out and instead takes you to somewhere quiet where you can just be alone together for a bit. Kyle gets you to move to the back seat with him so you guys can eat without messing up the front. He asks you if you’re okay and you not, and sniff. The tears are coming down now. You get a hug and he reassures you that whatever it is, everything will be okay. Whatever was going on or needed to be done, could wait for tomorrow. Tonight it was just you, him, good food and some YouTube.
Johnny sees you go to your room and when you don’t respond to his welcome he knows something ain’t right. He knocks on your door and you tell him to come in. Your voice is shaky. What happened? Who hurt you? Where are they?! (All of this is internal). You tell him you just had a bad day, and want to be alone. Johnny understands and leaves. He comes back. There’s an extra blanket, your favourite snacks and your favourite drink and if you need anything, he’s in the kitchen. You ask him to stay, and he does. You end up using him as a pillow, leaning against him sitting between his legs. He’s texted Price to say he can’t do much today but has good reason. Johnny lets you talk about whatever you want, whether it’s the shit you dealt with today or something completely off topic. Honestly there’s benefits on both sides cause he finds it adorable when you talk about your favourite things.
Simon is a bit different. He’s not very close to you but he overhears your frustration when you walk in the front door. You don’t notice him right away but he sees your tears. He doesn’t know what happened and he doesn’t need to know. He and his stray companion knock on your door. Simon hears you crying, and you open the door. The first one you notice is the cat, who rubs against your legs. Simon says she wanted to see you. That helps, knowing someone was happy to see you. Simon tells you the guys will be back soon, and if you want to order food. You say that’s fine, but instead of letting you go back to your room, he invites you out to the living room, where you find a pillow, blanket and a water bottle waiting for you, inviting you to turn on the tv for some background noise while he does some work. He keeps looking up at you, curled with the cat on the couch, content.
Price sees you frustrated as you’re leaving the pub. He’s finished his work for the day and calls after you before you open the door. You just want to walk back by yourself, but he isn’t about to let that happen when you’re not doing well. Price gets his coat on and walks back with you. It’s awkward silence at first but he starts a conversation, asking if you have anything you’d like to ask about him, the gang, the pub, etc. No? Then he’ll ask you. Do you enjoy helping at the pub? Is your art going well? Anyone been giving you a hard time lately? The last question has you already pawing at your eyes. Without a word he has an arm around you, reminding you that you’re walking together. You can let it out, or chat about something else. You two can make a small stop on the way home. Not everyone is going to like you, that’s not your fault. But the ones who do, they’ll walk with you.
Farah finds you hugging your knees, shoulders bobbing from sobs. Alex was dealing with the problem now it was clean up. Farah’s footsteps are audible, you can hear them on the rocky asphalt. You look up wiping your eyes, sitting up a bit. Farah sits down next to you and when you start apologizing she stops you. Not your fault, everyone has off days. You were smart to find a spot like this to blow off steam. Despite her saying it wasn’t your fault you keep insisting it was, explaining how you messed up. Farah assures you that everyone trips and has off days. For now you two can wait here until Alex gets everything sorted with the asshole who was giving you a hard time. You did your best, that’s all she was asking in the first place.
Alex is dropping by the police station when he sees you off to the side of it, staring at the ground. He says hello, but you’re distant. Not like you. He gets a bad feeling and asks you to wait up for him. When he comes back out he asks what’s going on, though he can guess by the comments he overheard when I’m the station. Got reamed out pretty good. Yeah that’s never fun. Alex reminds you it happens to everyone. Remember for next time, that’s all you can do. Doesn’t do much. Taking the extra step he invites you over to his place for some food. Packaged dinner sounds pretty inviting after the long day you’ve had. Alex even fires up some video games for the two of you, and your frustration is now redirected on him for being so good at Mario party. At least he got you to start smiling.
Graves believe it or not, knows you’re having a bad day but he can’t always help you. For him he knows if all he does is comfort you, the other guys will just say you’re being coddled. Clearly today is an exception. You’re not okay, and it shows. You’re trying to hide in your work, not show your emotions. Yeah sometimes your dad did that too. He asks if you’re free tomorrow, and through the lump in your throat, you say yes. Tomorrow comes and he takes you to some of your favourite spots. Some of them are stores and notices you keep staring at something. You guys spend the morning together and it’s just a casual hangout. By the end though he asks if you’re doing okay. You nod and say I’m fine. No you’re not but he doesn’t push and instead gives you the thing you were staring at earlier. You’ve been working hard kid. Don’t forget to reward yourself.
Note: Just a small extra edit, I honestly needed this myself, because unfortunately I have been dealing was some very frustrating issues regarding my career life. I’ll likely come back to this post to add some stuff, but wanted to just do some sweet and simple fluff. I love you all and appreciate your love and support for the stuff I make on here. I plan to branch out to other fandoms and hope to have your support on those as well. Wish you all the best and my request box is always open.
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